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2024.05.14 12:40 Specialist_Bake6514 Vapiano P3: Italian Food Made in Germany

Vapiano P3: Italian Food Made in Germany
The kitchen is on fire. Welcome to the final part of the Vapiano story where the tables are turning. In the first two episodes we followed Mark Korzilius' journey from setbacks to founding Vapiano, a groundbreaking restaurant concept, highlighting its fresh ingredients, dynamic atmosphere, and data-driven operations that drove rapid success. While achieving initial profitability and garnering attention from industry giants like McDonald's, Vapiano's global expansion has led to stellar revenue growth. However, it has also resulted in the emergence of numerous side projects (or distractions), operational challenges, increased costs, significant investments, and a notable accumulation of debt. This underscores the prioritization of top-line growth over profitable growth. We will continue on this thread and see how the story ends, but I would encourage you to read part one and two for better context. Vapiano P1: Italian Food Made in Germany (substack.com). Let's dig in.
Before Going Public
We are now in 2015 and the year is a disaster for Vapiano's PR department. Employee time stamps are being manipulated, endless overtime for employees and high turnover in managerial roles are reported; mice in the kitchen and even rotten food allegedly found.
The company is confronted with allegations of exceeding working hours among trainees in an article published by Welt am Sonntag, while the same outlet accuses Vapiano of manipulating punch times. The auditing firm PwC is commissioned to investigate the allegations and finds that there is no systematic approach but rather misconduct by individual employees, a mistake that’s being corrected. Internal however, investigations into stamp times are carried out regularly now and beyond its obvious reputational impact, this sucks up valuable management time and attention.
In the summer of 2015 CEO, co-founder and investor Gregor Gerlach, who has been running the group since 2011 is stepping down and Jochen Halfmann is taking over. A new Vapiano People Program with an App is being developed with the aim to better interact with customers that will incorporate innovate features such as mobile pay. The German website sees a launch of new magazine to further promote the brand and there is now a full inhouse blogger and Instagram team being installed. In October the company buys seven restaurants from original co-founder, former co-investor and ex-president previously responsible for internation expansion Kent Hahne (2x Bonn, 3x Cologne, 1x Koblenz and one in Cologne that’s under construction). This package of Vapiano restaurants is very successful and generates net sales of more than 20 million euros in 2014. Hahne opened his first Vapiano restaurant in Cologne in August 2006 and in 2015 with his company apeiron AG, Hahne operates six L'Osteria franchise restaurants, a direct Vapiano competitor, and two self-owned restaurants GinYuu.
Then in November of 2015, the next public relations bomb goes off with allegations regarding the company's quality standards. The company immediately investigates the issue through internal and external specialists but finds no evidence of any quality issues. Nevertheless, knowing that the group is now being closely watched, the company’s already in place hygiene standards are being reinforced. Additional audits and inspections are performed nationally. Further, all Vapianos worldwide are being audited twice by the partners SGS Institut Fresenius and SAI Global. Auditing software is purchased to simplify the implementation of the audits and the resulting measures. Apart from the external examinations, there is a food sampling plan in place being performed continuously. Again, all of this sucks up costs, management time and attention. With all these tumultuous developments the company’s growth engine is undeterred. Revenue grows by a whopping 50 million euros to 202 million euros, an increase of 33%. Impressive. While average spent per customer increases in all countries, the number of customers per day in Germany decreases by 3.3% partially due to the negative press towards the end of the year. Five own, four JV and 19 new franchise restaurants are added that year to the group, the total number of own managed restaurants grows to 51, there are 31 JVs and 84 franchises which bringing the total to 166 Vapiano restaurants. Global restaurant sales are now above 400 million euros.
But while revenue grows by an astronomical 50 million euros, operating profits, alarmingly, shrink again. Gross margins are staying perfectly healthy above 75% but operating costs keep growing disproportionately fast. The Company’s outstanding debt jumps by almost 30 million, close to 85 million euros by the end of the year. With operating profits at 9.5 million euros, alarm bells should be going off right now.
In Q4 of 2015, new CEO Jochen Halfmann introduces Strategy 2020. The new strategy includes five essential points. One, profitable growth in the newly defined core markets of Germany and Austria as well as in the UK, Netherlands, France and USA. Two, operational excellence through strict “best practice” management. Three, further development and digitalization of the concept considering guest feedback. Four, greater focus on long-term employee retention and five, building a modern and sustainable IT landscape. Sound’s good on paper but let’s see how things pan out.
Vapiano's investments (capital expenditures) that year are primarily directed towards new restaurant openings, renovations of existing establishments, and share acquisitions in other Vapiano restaurants from franchisees or JV partners. A significant portion of funds is allocated to the digitalization of the guest experience, including the development of a new app scheduled for market release in 2016 and the implementation of a time recording system across all group restaurants. The world's first standalone Vapiano restaurant with a delivery service that year is built in Fürth, Germany. The company keeps expanding its presence in both inner-city locations and international markets, such as Shanghai, China.
To finance all of this, the group has its own operating cash flow which comes in at 18 million while capital expenditures are 26 million euros plus 14 million for acquisitions. The funding gab is filled with 26 million euros of new debt and a seven-million-euro equity raise. At that end of the year and after the equity raise Gregor Gerlach (through his AP Leipzig GmbH & Co. KG entity) holds 30.1%, Hans-Joachim and Gisa Sander through their Exchange Bio GmbH hold 25.5% and the Tchibo heirs, Herz through their Mayfair Beteiligungsfonds II GmbH & Co. KG hold 44,4%.
But for the first time the restaurant’s concept that was so successful to date is being questioned. Some customers are starting to mislike the operational flow of the concept itself. If you want pasta, you must queue for pasta. If you want pizza you stand in a different queue. A small side salad, yet another queue. "You spend more time carrying trays than an actress in Berlin-Mitte. The audience in the pasta limbo can only consist of people who have worked for an insurance company for a long time and, like Stockholm syndrome, they can no longer get away from the industrial canteen feeling," writes TV host Beisenherz provocatively. While overly harsh in his assessment he's not entirely wrong judging by customers venting their frustrations in forums and social media channels. It isn’t uncommon for those who ordered pizza to have already finished eating while there is little movement in the pasta queue. Long term that doesn't go down well, QSRs competitors like L’Osteria are handling this process differently, with much success.
https://preview.redd.it/6cas01oked0d1.png?width=1200&format=png&auto=webp&s=2da6e0b4bc0e07dbee558de412feb414cd598d4a

Tipping Point

Where are now in the year 2016 and things start to deteriorate visibility. Perhaps not for the leman’s eye but any business minded observer can see that there are problems under the hood. Yes, revenue grows yet another whopping 50 million to almost 250 million euros but half of that growth, comes from acquisitions of restaurants that the group didn’t already own 100%, which is now being fully consolidated within the group’s accounts. Here is a concrete example. In the past, Vapiano SE, the group’s top holding company held an indirect 50% stake in a French subgroup via the subsidiary VAP Restaurants SA, based in Luxembourg, and included this as an associated company in the Vapiano SE consolidated financial statements using the equity method. Due to the acquisition of additional shares in September of 2016, Vapiano SE's indirect share in the French subgroup increased to 75%. This means that Vapiano SE takes control of the French subgroup, which is therefore included in the group’s financial statements as part of the full consolidation. The revenue from the acquired subsidiary now recorded in the consolidated income statement amounts to 12.8 million euros. While that’s great for the top line, the loss of the fully consolidated entity equates to 0.2 million euros. Yes, you are buying revenue, but there are losses attached to them, not profits. A similar case is the Swedish entity that runs eight restaurants with revenue of 11.5 million euros but has losses of 235 thousand euros. So much for Strategy 2020 and “profitable” growth.
That year the group’s operating profits are absolutely tanking, halving to 3.5 million euros. Operating profits are now a mere 1,4% of revenue. Remember original founder Mark Korzilius who talked about operating margins of 25% to 28% at the restaurant level? Yes, there are overhead costs for the organization that sits above the chain of restaurants, but operating margins that low indicates a course correction is needed. What’s telling is that in the annual report, in the management discussion section, the company starts talking about EBITDA as a proxy measure of profitability, rather than operating profit or net income. This wasn’t the case in the years before. Is this window dressing for an upcoming IPO? EBITDA is short for earnings before interest, tax, depreciation, and amortization. How can you measure profitability of a restaurant chain that absolutely and unequivocally needs capital investment to maintain its restaurant operations, the very source of cash generation, by simply excluding this maintenance charge (depreciation in the income statement)? Vapiano’s own annual report talks about the fact that existing restaurants must be rejuvenated from time to time and that new interior designs have to be implemented every few years. These things wear and tear, they go out of style, kitchen equipment breaks and needs replacement. This business absolutely needs maintenance capital expenditure, why anyone talks of profits before these maintenance costs is beyond me. Fun fact: in the previous annual report EBITDA is mentioned seven times, mostly around restaurant acquisitions and financing, not however as a profit indication for the group. In the new annual report, EBITDA is mentioned 28 times. Maybe it’s just me but belated Charlie Munger liked to call EBITDA: bullsh*t earnings. When in doubt I stick with Charlie. Interestingly, EBITDA for Vapiano keeps growing while operating and net profits keep falling.
Operating cashflow for the group that year is about 21 million euros, but capital expenditure is 30 million and acquisitions for subsidiaries another 20 million. To finance these expenditures another 28 million euros of debt and 16 million of equity is raised. Net debt rises above 130 million euro. The operating cashflow of the group before any capital expenditures is 21 million euros. I am not sure free cash flow would be significantly positive after maintenance capex is paid out; it’s not broken out so we can’t be sure. Granted, I am not on the ground during this time, and I am not in the board room, I am simply reading what’s in front of me, but to me this is starting to look like a distressed situation. Regardless, the following year the company goes public.

IPO

Where are now in the year 2017 and its Vapiano’s first year as public company. The company’s annual report reads the following “Sales revenue, like-for-like growth (LfL) and the earnings figures EBITDA and adjusted EBITDA are used as the most important financial performance indicators for controlling operational business activities.” The very same report however also says: “The majority of the group's investments regularly go towards opening new restaurant locations and modernizing existing restaurants. The latter are differentiated into regular replacement investments that occur during ongoing operations (Maintenance CAPEX) and fundamental investments in the renovation of a restaurant (Remodeling CAPEX). On average, a restaurant remodeling takes place nine years after opening.” It says it right there in their own report; every nine years a remodeling is taking place. Remodeling and updating is not cost free, so why exclude depreciation charges which reflect capital expenditures? I understand that perhaps you would want to strip out one-off opening costs, that’s fine and fair, but don’t go overboard.
The number of restaurants increases by 26 (previous year: 13) to a total of 205. The increase consists of 27 new openings and one closure. Group revenue grows to an astonishing 325 million euros but here comes the shocker, operating profits turn negative to 25 million. Fine, strip out foreign exchange losses of 3 million, IPO costs of 5.8 million and new opening costs of 6.1 million and you still have 10 million euros of operational losses. All the while the debt load of almost 130 million hasn’t materially changed, so those operating losses are before a six-million-euro interest payment. 184 million euros are raised through the IPO of which 85 million go to the company. This money is earmarked for further expansion as the group has ambitions to almost double the footprint to 330 restaurants by the end of 2020. The company is currently not profitable on an operating basis, and still wants to expand aggressively? I don’t get it. The remaining 100 million euros of the IPO money raised is distributed to co-founder Gregor Gerlach and Wella heirs Hans-Joachim and Gisa Sander. The family office of the former Tchibo owners Günter and Daniela Herz with a 44% stake, don’t sell a single share. After the IPO, 32% of all the company’s shares are now in free float.
One year later, in 2018, things get even worse. Revenue grows to 371 million, but operating losses mount to 85 million euros, that’s before interest expenses of 9 million. Even the beloved EBITDA figure turns negative, meaning the operating business before any expansionary or even maintenance capital expenditures is loss making. All regions are experiencing significant deterioration in their earnings profiles. Like for like sales are down 1% across the board. That’s revenue, not profitability. The question naturally arises: is the Group approaching its natural saturation point here or this operational by nature? The operating cash flow is now 9 million while financing cost are close to 7 million. That leaves 2 million for maintenance capital for 74 own restaurants and 76 joint ventures ones. Describing this as financially tight, would be an understatement.
Things are not looking good at this point. Yet the company still grows restaurants by 26 new sites. 64 million euros are spent on acquisitions, new openings, and maintenance costs, financed through a 20 million-euro equity raise and 72 million of new debt. The Company now has net debt outstanding of over 160 million euros. After the equity raise and by the end of the year 2018, Mayfair owns 47.4%, VAP Leipzig, Gregor Gerlach’s entity owns 18.9% and the Sander couple own 15.5% of the company. Yes, the Sanders and Gerlach may have taken 100 million euros off the table, but they still have substantial skin in the game. Plus, Mayfair hasn’t sold a single share and instead injects more money into the company through the equity round. The stock has now fallen from its IPO price of 23 euros per share to under 6 euros by the end of 2018. Something must be done here. And indeed, there is pivot in strategy and a hard push for change. At last, the management team abandons its aggressive growth plan and curtails new openings significantly. Additionally, the team wants to run a thorough analysis of weak locations to then either discontinue or sell sites. In Europe, the operating focus will be put on corporate restaurants and joint ventures in major cities to ensure the ideal size and location to match the respective demographic target group. Outside of Europe, the franchising business is being expanded and at the same time a consolidation of the existing corporate and joint venture markets is being sought. All future investments will be reviewed to achieve higher rates of returns on new openings. Investments are also being made in the renovation of older restaurants. The goal in the future is to also open smaller formats, like Mini-Vapianos (less than 400 square meters) or Freestander at prominent transportation hubs outside city centers (currently in Fürth and Toulouse) to cater to individual location requirements, and to enter new partnerships. I am not sure why management hasn’t stopped all expansion altogether, bringing the ship in order first, getting profitable, clean up, all hands-on deck before considering any further expansions whatsoever. But again, it’s easy to comment from the sidelines; maybe they saw white spaces that would be covered by competing concepts if they weren’t moving fast and aggressively enough. Although pushing internationally means competing with local players such as Jamie's Italian, Prezzo, Pizza Express, Wagamama, Nando's and many more which brings in its own dynamic.
Management also aims to enhance guest satisfaction. This involves refining operational processes, reorganizing the support center, and refocusing on the core offering: providing fresh and high-quality Italian food at affordable prices for a broad audience. The group also aims to reduce waiting times, especially during lunch, while also improving the evening atmosphere. There is even what I would call an evolution, away from Vapiano’s original concept, reorientating the customer journey. The ordering flow is being changed, offering guests synchronized preparations of all dishes while eliminating wait times at the cooking stations. The open show kitchen remains, staying true to original mantra of freshness and transparency but now guests can choose their preferred method of ordering through a mobile app, using a digital order point (kiosk), or by personally placing an order with a waiter. Guests can still freely choose their table and are then informed about the complete preparation of their order through a pager or their smartphone. This is a substantial deviation from the original concept, but a needed one. The group is also exploring and implementing the expansion of take-away and home delivery services but only at suitable locations, not universally across new openings. I am not sure why home delivery is even a priority here; it adds operational complexity. It’s better to clean up shop first and get back to the basics before adding new complexities. To be fair management does try to simplify. There are 49 different permanent dishes on the menu and additional 10 seasonal ones. Customers can choose from eleven different types of pasta. There is simply too much choice, and it makes orders complicated. The company announced to slim the menu down to its most popular and typical Vapiano dishes. There’s no need for an Asian salad at an Italian restaurant. "We have to go back to the roots, i.e. classic, honest Italian cuisine" says COO Everke. Regardless, in November of 2018, the supervisory board pulls the plug on CEO Jochen Halfmann and replaces him with Cornelius Everke. Everke himself has just become COO five months ago. Since 2017 he was responsible for international expansion. From 2011 to 2017 that role was filled by Mario Bauer – put a pin in that name, he’ll play a key role in the groups fate later. Then nine months later, in the middle of 2019, Cornelius Everke quits. He essentially concludes that his skillset and experience in the areas of internation expansion is no longer needed in the foreseeable future. To put it differently: Vapiano has moved from a growth story and has become a restructuring case, and other skills are required for that job. In June of 2019 Everke says the following “(we’ve) made a bit of a mistake when it came to foreign expansion”. No sh#t. Vapiano postpones the presentation of the 2018 annual financial statements three times in the spring of 2019, citing negotiations over an urgently needed loan of 30 million euros. It’s not until the end of May that a binding loan commitment comes through from the financing banks and major shareholders.
We are now in August of 2019 and the corona pandemic is just around the corner. Supervisory board chief Vanessa Hall takes over as interim-CEO and things are unravelling. Visitor numbers are declining; originally, it was planned to sell the US business but halfway through the year the buyer cannot come up with the money. But not all restaurants are performing poorly. The group's poor figures contrast starkly as an example with the experiences of the Swiss-German franchisee, who runs six restaurants. The Sodano family in Switzerland pays Vapiano a royalty of 6% of sales for the use of the brand. Enrico Sodano explains in an interview that they operate largely autonomously from the licensor. If an “accident” were to occur, he could immediately replace the Vapiano sign with Sodano, he says. The family concluded the rents and contracts with employees and suppliers independently. The Sodano family have six locations in Bern, Basel and Zurich, around one million guests every year and 350 employees. Things are going well on the ground. The delivery service they’ve built is offering them a second income stream. Expansion into Winterthur, St. Gallen and Lucerne are being planned; small locations with 150 to 250 square meters and an attached delivery service. Originally, Vapiano restaurants used to be huge but for such a large restaurant to be profitable, 800 to 1,000 guests per day are needed. That’s possible in medium-sized cities, but not in smaller towns which is why the Vapiano group now also supports smaller formats. Back to our corporate drama. The 2019 annual report would be the last report the group files. By the end 2019 the outstanding debt of the company is at an astronomical 450 million euros. Revenue has grown by another 7%, produced by four net new openings through two JVs and two franchise restaurants but operating losses come in at 317 million euros. That sound like an absolute shocker at first but depreciation and amortization charges are 345 million, so that operating cash flow is actually positive but unfortunately capital expenditures and interest payments are so large that they are eating up all of the company’s operating cash flow. Then in the beginning of 2020 Corona hits with full force and the world shuts down. As a result of the measures to prevent further spreading of the virus, the group is forced to cease all global business operations (except in Sweden). While all these shutdowns are happening, the group is the middle of negotiating with its lending banks and main shareholders. There are additional financing needs for restructuring measures, even without a pandemic happening in the background. The situation is so dire that the company starts pleading to the German government to roll out the package of financial help more quickly. Unfortunately, it’s to no end. The rapid closure of restaurants and the resulting lack of operating cash inflows in conjunction with the additional financing requirements, lead to the company’s final knockout punch. In April of 2020, the Vapiano group officially files for insolvency proceedings. The end of an era.

New Beginnings

Because of the pandemic, the majority of the group's subsidiaries in Austria, the Netherlands, Denmark, the United States, Sweden, and China also file for insolvency or seek liquidation. The US business never gets sold in the end and is wound down. In the summer of 2020, significant group divestments occur, including the sale of 75% shares in the group's French subsidiaries, shares in franchisor companies, Australian subsidiaries, German subsidiaries, associated companies, self-managed restaurants in Germany, and insolvency-related sales in the Netherlands, Great Britain, and Sweden. The buyer of the Vapiano brand and one of these bundles of Vapiano restaurants is company named Love & Food Restaurant Holding, a consortium led by Mario C. Bauer – a name I told you to remember. Bauer was a former Vapiano board member and led the national and international expansion, opening 200 sites in 33 countries from 2011 to 2017 until he was succeeded by Cornelius Everke. Bauer didn’t feel comfortable with the IPO at the time but clearly has a lot of managerial and entrepreneurial talent.
The buyer consortium is an absolute A-Team comprised of European QSR top league hitters, including the founder of the Pret A Manger chain Sinclair Beecham; Henry McGovern, the founder and Ex-CEO of the giant international restaurant and foodservice operator AmRest; the Van der Valk Family that runs hotels and Vapiano restaurants in the Netherlands, and co-founder and ex-CEO Gregor Gerlach. The acquisition value is 15 million euros and entails 30 Vapiano restaurants in Germany, albeit that’s just the purchase price which comes on top of any capital investment needed to refresh and return the sites to its former glory. Nevertheless, just as a thought experiment, if you can get each site to 2 million euros of revenue and 400,000 euros in operating profit on average, which wouldn’t be an overly aggressively assumption given the company’s history, you’ve got yourself a package that can deliver restaurant-level operating profits of 12 million euros or more. It’s not disclosed how much capex was needed to refresh the operations, just that fact that the overall investment plus purchase price was a middle double-digit million-euro figure. Stil, it probably was a decent purchase. The same consortium buys Vapiano’s French business for 25 million euros just two weeks prior. After the transaction concludes, the master franchise is given to Delf Neumann and his Gastro & Soul GmbH. Neumann is an experienced operator, and he is ambitious to revitalise the brand with new services and products. For example, instead of pizza, the restaurants will be serving pinsa - a flatbread made from sourdough, wheat and rice flour, topped similarly to a pizza. It targets a more health-oriented customer base looking for a less calory heavy option. The menu overall is expanded by including a variety of vegan and vegetarian dishes.
https://preview.redd.it/kpt7ea6red0d1.png?width=1242&format=png&auto=webp&s=c9930ced85ee364e9df414547cae06b47a03fc19
Today Neumann’s Gastro & Soul GmbH operates 18 Vapianos on its own account and has 29 franchise sites, amongst other brands. By the year 2021, Vapiano operates 191 restaurants in 34 countries. This is around 50 fewer sites than before the bankruptcy. The number of branches is particularly thinned out in Germany – from 80 to 55. Nevertheless, Vapiano's home country remains by far the largest market, followed by France with 35 restaurants and Austria with 15 locations. “We have shrunk ourselves to health,” says Bauer in the aftermath and there is no further shrinking planned. Quite the opposite, the smell of expansion is in the air again – pun intended. Not as aggressively as before and with a new menu and ordering process.
Overall, the team around Bauer is filled with industry experts with knowledge and networks gained over decades who have a great track record, a long-term view, and the staying power to let Vapiano breath and finds its way back to success. The pressure of being a public company with all the associated quarterly, half-year and yearly disincentives have been removed. The menu is changed and extended with new types of pasta and sauces with significantly more vegetarian and vegan dishes available. Guests can order with restaurant staff, at terminals or on their phones and there are barcodes attached to the tables identify the respective seat. The food is brought to your table, all at the same time if you are in a group, no more annoyances with waiting in line. There is a plan for smaller, 350 square meter locations, with half the number of guests and significantly fewer staff and less set-up costs required to make the economics work. Locations that capitalize on remote work and increased demand for local lunch options, higher population density with shorter delivery routes and therefore cost-effective in house delivery services are targeted. And Bauer is testing the concept of ghost kitchens, which operate without a dining room or service staff, focusing solely on preparing food for delivery services, which for obvious reasons have a very different operational set up and footprint. Original founder Mark Korzilius however is not entirely convinced. He is not a fan of the pinsa for instance and he considers Vapiano's pizza as its cash cow, flagship product and believes that the core Vapiano proposition of Pizza, Pasta, Bar that has given the company its original success is being diluted. He instead admires the competitor L'Osteria, saying they’ve done a better job by focusing on Italian classics, especially the impressively large pizzas that sticks out beyond the plate is leaving every customer in awe. The guys who run L’Osteria are the same guys who have built Vapiano with him in the first place. Bauer on the other hand, like a true business leader, remains undeterred, stating that he is frequently asked whether Vapiano's restart was bold or foolish. He believes in entrepreneurship, franchising, in his experienced fellow partners and importantly the Vapiano concept. By the year 2024 you can find over 140 Vapiano branded restaurant in 27 countries across the globe, including locations far away from its birthplace like Australia, USA, Columbia, Chile, Bahrain, and Saudi Arabia. And why not? Italian food is, and will remain to be, incredibly popular. Vapiano offers fresh and tasty food at affordable prices in a good atmosphere. This combination of attributes should attract a lot of customers. It certainly has in the past.
For more stories: WIP Thomas Weitzendoerfer Substack
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2024.05.14 12:34 Bubbly-Emu95 Ex boyfriend (30M) wants an abortion, I (28F) want to keep the baby but I am scared to raise the baby on my own

I am currently 6 weeks pregnant with my ex boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. We spent the last 2 years having sex almost everyday without contraceptives, as we were ready for any risks, we were not actively trying, but not actively preventing.
We decided to take a break due to arguments over the past month, and on our last day together, we had unprotective sex (we didn’t have sex for 3 weeks at that point). I took a test upon unusual symptoms and missed period, and discovered I am pregnant.
I informed him last week and I think he’s still in denial. He asked me to go for a scan to confirm so he can tell his parents and he has expressed that he doesn’t think it’s a good time for him, and I should get an abortion. He is not ready for fatherhood and doesn’t see that we can work things out in the future. I encouraged him to reconcile, not as a couple, but as civil adults to make communications easier in the following weeks or potentially years. He refused and told me I should talk to people for advice. I have spoke to my best friends and I don’t have a solution, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want my child to grow up without a father figure but I also don’t want to have this kind of father in its life. I only had one sex partner my whole life so there is no possibility that he is not the father. I’m personally also not ready to raise the child as a single mother without support. If this pregnancy happened few months back, I would not have the same doubts I currently have. I considered abortion after the conversation with him but I don’t want to end my own child’s life because of our unresolved issues. My family don’t live in the same country as me, so I will not have day-to-day help. My friends are supportive but I don’t think it’s realistic for me to raise the baby without a partner. I have all sorts of concerns and I am not in the right headspace at the moment to be thinking clearly.
For context - I (28F) moved in to live with my boyfriend (30M) after 2 years of dating, we barely had any disagreements throughout the first 2 years, we were both in love, and decided that we were ready for our next stages in life so we moved in together. We were certain that we were compatible despite our differences in interests - we are very different people in the best ways, and grew to love and learn of each other’s character. Our lives are very intertwined, and our respective friend groups are very involved in our lives. We had a healthy lifestyle and socially active ever since we got together.
Fast forward to 2 months ago, we were discussing wedding plans. We previously agreed that we would move in together > get engaged > married > have children. I expressed that I didn’t really want to move in together until I get a reassurance from him this is for lifetime, he told me not to worry because he already had plans to propose to me and it’s ok to move in first and then get married as we are living together. He suggested that we could plan the wedding first because weddings take at least a year ahead to plan, and the proposal will happen sometime later this year. Our first big argument came because of his unrealistic expectations and lack of logic and sense in event planning (he was never really a planner or an organized person, I do most of our travel logistics and household plannings).
Few weeks later I discovered that he was withholding his plans made with a colleague that I didn’t particularly liked, I felt strange that he had to hide this fact from me. I don’t believe that he was disloyal or anything but I didn’t understand why he lied. I exploded, demanded to check his phone, then I discovered more things he was hiding from me, including going on walks during lunch with the same female colleagues. I also discovered the group chat with his boys where they were making jokes about us getting married. I was livid and we argued over our definition of commitment, I questioned his maturity and his intentions to settle. He told me he was ready to settle with me, and suggested that we go pick out rings the next day.
The real issue came in when he called his parents to ask them for their blessing in our marriage. His parents disapproved, and called me materialistic, questioned my family, my social circle, my religion, my political views… etc. My boyfriend could’ve easily justified every one of the points they have made about me but I guess he was too in shock of their response to defend me. His parents never really agreed with our relationship to begin with, they never wanted him to date and thinks he should be focused on his career at this age rather than dating, despite this we spent every holidays and celebrations the last two years with his family and we thought they have grown to accept me as they had been very friendly with me, I guess it was all a facade. I was disappointed and lashed out at him. And somehow our previous issue with his ‘commitment’ was brushed under the rug.
He says he cannot propose to me when he doesn’t have his parents blessing. I gave him a deadline the next day to make a decision, if he cannot talk it out with his parents then I will have to let this end. He came back the next day, and told me his dad apologized and would like to reconcile with me. And he came back to tell me he was ready to settle.
The following weeks we continued to have smaller disagreements and I was still uncomfortable to face his parents, as he would return home a different person, and treats me worse every time after every time he had met up with his parents. Before all these issues, we had made plans to visit my grandparents and his extended family who were both living in the same country. On our way there, I expressed that I would want to remain with my grandparents and not join his family trip as I’m not ready to face his parents yet. He tried to persuade me to go and that his parents will apologize to me, but I was still very uncomfortable. I told him I’ll only go if he can give me reassurance and that I will only go on another family trip with him if he can give me the status as his fiancé before I can face them. He said if he were to propose to me now he cannot face his parents, and he told his parents he has plans to propose to me on this trip, but they insisted that they should reconcile with me before he can propose as I would potentially “steal their grandchildren away from them” in the future if we don’t make up. He told me he even brought the ring with him but he can’t do it. I walked away from him, I felt so betrayed and lost in a foreign country. I got very emotional and told him he made feel worthless and want to end my life. I was not in the right headspace after a whole month of torment and I didn’t have the energy to reason with him any longer. I gave in and proceeded with the rest of our trip.
The day before we went to meet his family, I told him I wanted to go somewhere else instead and I still wasn’t ready. When he was making changes to our tickets, I saw his sister’s message on his phone, saying that it’ll be better in the long run if he sort out the parents issue first and don’t propose to me yet. I snatched his phone and spoke with his sister. After I told her everything, she apologized and gave me the reassurance that their family will treat me with respect and will apologize to me the first thing they see me, and that they just want to reconcile before we move forward to the next stage in life. I felt it was reasonable and reassured after my conversation with her, so I decided to give it a go.
When we did finally meet up with his parents, they pretended as if nothing has happened. Few days later we finally had the ‘conversation’. His dad started off by saying he doesn’t think it’s appropriate for us to get married at the moment, and kept going on about their same points again, he said our relationship hasn’t been long enough for us to decide marriage at this stage. They claimed their comments weren’t a personal attack, they didn’t apologize and said that I was ‘thinking too much’ for this to be a personal attack because it was simply a generalization, then dismissed me for being upset for hearing from my bf because he wasn’t supposed to tell me, and proceeds to keep commenting about me and my friends and how they disagree with their celebrations of weddings.
I respectfully explained we are not having these discussions about marriage out of no where, we have been having discussions on marriage throughout our 2 years. In fact our plans to have children was the basis of our relationship and were his requirements, and we just want to move forward with the next part of our lives. His mom doesn’t think I need to think about having children at this moment and it’s not a good time for us to have children, because she had kids much later in life and apparently so is everyone else, and we shouldn’t be following my ‘timeline’ on when things should be happening. Apparently I should not have such control over the timing of giving birth ‘like a reproduction machine’, and it’s not right to have to set such timeline on how much time I need for recovery and time between having each children. She asks why do we feel the need and so early in life to get married now? And ditch your own families and start your own life.
His dad said I should not decide right now how many kids we need to have and it’s rather in gods hands to decide, and some people are not even be able to have more than 1 kid, I asked him why is this relevant in regards to our plans to have kids… so I have to listen to god now and have kids without planning? And then he started giving this bs about god and how we are not meant to plan ‘these things’ out in life so specifically. I asked him: What is wrong with being practical and setting realistic goals. He claimed he doesn’t think it’s wrong to have plans but we shouldn’t be so set and ‘controlling’ over our own lives. He has experience and we should listen to the grown ups with experience… I knew the conversation wasn’t going to get anywhere as soon as he brings religion into this.
My boyfriend just stood there in silence. After the conversation ended we both walked away from his parents, he apologized to me and told me he’s sorry for any of the things his parents have said to me and I didn’t deserve it. He says he won’t listen to his parents anymore, and he knows how to make this right, and he will propose once we return to my grandparent’s place. I didn’t challenge him anymore because I that was the reassurance I needed from him, and I was happy that he was finally able to see his parents for who they are.
The following days of the trip, his dad tried to isolate him from rest of the family to give him the same lecture. Every time he rejoins the group I can see from his expression that their conversation did not go well, I didn’t comment. On the day we returned to my grandparent’s home, he told me he can’t follow through with his promises. And his dad told him he should feel guilty for making promises to me and be pressured into marriage. Somehow this convinced himself into thinking he’s not ready for marriage all along. I walked away from him and we spent 3 days apart before our flight to return home.
On our last day, we met up for closure, talked through what happened and we had sex. I told him I wasn’t ready to fly back home with him and I didn’t want to fall back into the vicious cycle of arguments, and that we should have some time to cool things down before we reconnect. We agreed to give each other some space and he wants to learn more about himself before he makes commitment to me as he doesn’t want to disappoint me again.
A week after he got back, he told me he wants to move out of our co-rented apartment, and he wants to break lease. I was a bit confused because I thought he wanted to work on himself, and him moving out essentially is an indication of a break up to me. He said if I don’t let him move out, I’m not giving him space to work on himself. I didn’t really have an option so I agreed. We didn’t talk afterwards.
3 weeks later, I missed my period, I took a test and was positive.
submitted by Bubbly-Emu95 to pregnant [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:32 ayushgupta17 Your Comprehensive Guide to Floor Mattresses: Making the Right Choice in 2024

Your Comprehensive Guide to Floor Mattresses: Making the Right Choice in 2024
https://preview.redd.it/x95m9nqcdd0d1.png?width=3200&format=png&auto=webp&s=db3b5ff6e9deb05138bb9ecca2cce9197a738464
In the realm of modern living, versatility and practicality are increasingly valued qualities when it comes to furniture. Among the many innovative solutions that have emerged to meet these demands, floor mattresses have gained considerable popularity. Offering a blend of comfort, convenience, and space-saving design, floor mattresses have become a go-to choice for many households. In this guide, we'll explore the benefits and uses of floor mattresses from the user's perspective, helping you make an informed decision when considering this versatile piece of furniture in 2024.
Understanding Floor Mattresses: Floor mattresses, also known as futons or Japanese tatami mattresses, are essentially mattresses designed to be placed directly on the floor, without the need for a bed frame or foundation. They come in various sizes, from single to king size, catering to different preferences and space constraints. Unlike traditional mattresses, floor mattresses are typically thinner and more flexible, allowing for easy storage and mobility. They are often made from materials like foam, latex, or memory foam, offering a comfortable sleeping surface while still maintaining a compact and lightweight design.
Benefits of Floor Mattresses:
  1. Space-Saving Design: One of the primary advantages of floor mattress is their space-saving design. Without the need for a bulky bed frame, floor mattresses can help maximize space in smaller rooms or apartments. They are ideal for dormitories, guest rooms, or any space where square footage is limited.
  2. Versatility: Floor mattresses are incredibly versatile and can serve multiple purposes beyond sleeping. They can be used as seating arrangements during the day, providing a comfortable spot for lounging, reading, or watching TV. Some floor mattresses even come with adjustable backrests or armrests, further enhancing their versatility.
  3. Portability: Unlike traditional mattresses, which can be cumbersome to move, floor mattresses are lightweight and easy to transport. This makes them perfect for individuals who frequently move or for camping trips and outdoor adventures where a comfortable sleeping surface is needed.
  4. Cost-Effectiveness: Floor mattresses are often more affordable than traditional mattresses and bed frames, making them a cost-effective solution for budget-conscious consumers. Additionally, their multi-functional design means you get more value for your money, as they can be used for both sleeping and seating purposes.
  5. Accessibility: For individuals with mobility issues or elderly people, floor mattresses offer greater accessibility compared to traditional beds. Their low profile makes it easier to get in and out of bed without the need for climbing or lifting oneself onto a raised surface.
Uses of Floor Mattresses:
  1. Guest Accommodation: Floor mattresses are perfect for accommodating overnight guests, providing a comfortable sleeping space without the need for a dedicated guest room or bed. Simply place the floor mattress in any room or living area, and you have an instant guest bed ready to go.
  2. Temporary Sleeping Arrangements: Whether you're moving into a new home, renovating your bedroom, or hosting a sleepover for the kids, floor mattresses offer a convenient temporary sleeping solution. They can be easily set up and taken down as needed, allowing for flexibility in your living arrangements.
  3. Meditation or Yoga Practice: Floor mattresses provide a supportive and comfortable surface for meditation or yoga practice. Their low profile and cushioned surface make them ideal for sitting or lying down during mindfulness exercises, promoting relaxation and stress relief.
  4. Child's Play Area: Floor mattresses can double as a safe and comfortable play area for young children. Spread out a few floor mattresses in a designated play area, and your kids can engage in imaginative play, arts and crafts, or simply relax and unwind.
  5. Outdoor Activities: Take your online floor mattress with you on camping trips, picnics, or beach outings for added comfort and convenience. Whether used as a sleeping pad inside a tent or as a lounging spot under the stars, floor mattresses make outdoor adventures more enjoyable.
Conclusion: In conclusion, floor mattresses offer a myriad of benefits and uses from a user's point of view. Their space-saving design, versatility, portability, cost-effectiveness, and accessibility make them a practical and convenient choice for modern living. Whether you're looking for a guest bed, a temporary sleeping arrangement, a versatile seating option, or a comfortable surface for various activities, floor mattresses have you covered. With their simple yet functional design, floor mattresses are sure to remain a popular choice for households in 2024 and beyond.
submitted by ayushgupta17 to u/ayushgupta17 [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:32 Snoo-96047 No need to block me. Was I really all that bad?

Okay, so I looked at your profile before taking the conversation to inbox and then talked too much. I was just trying to get some idea of whether you were single and the distance was realistic before chatting.
When you joked about scoping you out being a problem, those stalker memes were because it has happened to me recently in fact. You assured me that I hadn't frightened you off though, so why the sudden unexplained blocking?
But I felt more instant chemistry with you than I had with anyone in years.
Bi women on lesbian forums can't win because when we don't make an effort, we aren't "queer enough" for you, and then when we match your energy, we're considered "psychos".
submitted by Snoo-96047 to UnsentLetters [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:28 AdviceAndFunOnly How to not be alone?

I don't know if it's my fault that I'm alone or not. I actually try to do things to spend time with others but just can't. Especially since I need to spend time with others to feel motivated and also concentrated, because now, often times I literally feel like I live on my phone while my studies don't matter.
Well first of all, I don't even have many possibilities to spend time with people in the first place. For example here in university for some reason everyone goes their own way during recess and we don't have a common recess or a room for everyone to come together.
Of course I could start a sport or another activity, and I already did in the past, but the issue here is that I'll only spend a limited amount of time in the activity too unfortunately. And even say I'll have to pay a lot.
And another problem is that even when I do meet people and I like them and they seem to like me too, it's impossible to see them outside and organise stuff with them. And that's even worse when I don't even see them in university for example THAT much, it's not like I spend every day with them.
But the thing is that everyone does want to hang out and meet but only in specifically organised events every few months where you need to spend money and bring food. And not like meet even once a week and regularly hang out and have fun. And especially I don't understand this cuz in this university we have more free time than usual. What will happen if I'll go to college the next year where I'll have much less free time?
And somehow people do have free time for spending their lives on social media apparently.
Maybe I'm annoying them too much cuz I ask to hang out too much in group chats and don't say that much anything else? But the thing is that I want to see them irl, not to talk infinitely and send memes and only see each other once a year. I want real socialisation not Internet one.
And also the thing is that I do it cuz I know that in the next year maybe I won't see them again. If I'll switch to another university and study something else then I won't really see them that much. And often time that's exactly what happened. I had "friends" from high school that I've never seen even once time since high school even if I would've loved to.
It was even worse when I met a nice group only at a one time event. Afterwards, I have all their contacts on Instagram, I have 1000 friends there but I don't see any of them anymore.
Maybe I'm too annoying sometimes, talking about stuff that interests me and disregarding the other person. Honestly, I don't know. I try to not be annoying and to be nice and funny. Don't know if this works tho.
I'm kinda depressed cuz I would've loved to have a group of friends, either to have fun and laugh together, or to help each other and do creative stuff. This would've made me more down to earth, actually feel whatever is happening, I would've done more sports, etc. And the main reason why I'm so distracted and living on my phone is because it seems like I have no other option.
Like I wanna have a group of friends like in series. Why can't this be the case? If anything, it seems like series are so popular because we don't have that many friendships in real life anymore, we only hang out online.
I don't know whether it's my fault or rather the fault of the society. Maybe I should move to another country, idk. I live in France and I've heard Italy is better but idk.
Keep in mind I can't actually have to get along with literally everyone, for example I'm Jewish and I won't tolerate anyone who doesn't like Jews.
But even tho this does limit my circle of friends, I don't think that's the main reason why I'm lonely, because even with people who have no problem with that and who are Jewish themselves and who even say that we both get along, even with them there's literally the same problem.
Maybe I'm kinda lonely cuz I'm not such a fan of going to bars and drinking? And yeah I'm not a fan of alcohol but I can still go to a bar if I were with my friends so idk.
submitted by AdviceAndFunOnly to selfimprovement [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:28 AdviceAndFunOnly How to not be alone?

I don't know if it's my fault that I'm alone or not. I actually try to do things to spend time with others but just can't. Especially since I need to spend time with others to feel motivated and also concentrated, because now, often times I literally feel like I live on my phone while my studies don't matter.
Well first of all, I don't even have many possibilities to spend time with people in the first place. For example here in university for some reason everyone goes their own way during recess and we don't have a common recess or a room for everyone to come together.
Of course I could start a sport or another activity, and I already did in the past, but the issue here is that I'll only spend a limited amount of time in the activity too unfortunately. And even say I'll have to pay a lot.
And another problem is that even when I do meet people and I like them and they seem to like me too, it's impossible to see them outside and organise stuff with them. And that's even worse when I don't even see them in university for example THAT much, it's not like I spend every day with them.
But the thing is that everyone does want to hang out and meet but only in specifically organised events every few months where you need to spend money and bring food. And not like meet even once a week and regularly hang out and have fun. And especially I don't understand this cuz in this university we have more free time than usual. What will happen if I'll go to college the next year where I'll have much less free time?
And somehow people do have free time for spending their lives on social media apparently.
Maybe I'm annoying them too much cuz I ask to hang out too much in group chats and don't say that much anything else? But the thing is that I want to see them irl, not to talk infinitely and send memes and only see each other once a year. I want real socialisation not Internet one.
And also the thing is that I do it cuz I know that in the next year maybe I won't see them again. If I'll switch to another university and study something else then I won't really see them that much. And often time that's exactly what happened. I had "friends" from high school that I've never seen even once time since high school even if I would've loved to.
It was even worse when I met a nice group only at a one time event. Afterwards, I have all their contacts on Instagram, I have 1000 friends there but I don't see any of them anymore.
Maybe I'm too annoying sometimes, talking about stuff that interests me and disregarding the other person. Honestly, I don't know. I try to not be annoying and to be nice and funny. Don't know if this works tho.
I'm kinda depressed cuz I would've loved to have a group of friends, either to have fun and laugh together, or to help each other and do creative stuff. This would've made me more down to earth, actually feel whatever is happening, I would've done more sports, etc. And the main reason why I'm so distracted and living on my phone is because it seems like I have no other option.
Like I wanna have a group of friends like in series. Why can't this be the case? If anything, it seems like series are so popular because we don't have that many friendships in real life anymore, we only hang out online.
I don't know whether it's my fault or rather the fault of the society. Maybe I should move to another country, idk. I live in France and I've heard Italy is better but idk.
Keep in mind I can't actually have to get along with literally everyone, for example I'm Jewish and I won't tolerate anyone who doesn't like Jews.
But even tho this does limit my circle of friends, I don't think that's the main reason why I'm lonely, because even with people who have no problem with that and who are Jewish themselves and who even say that we both get along, even with them there's literally the same problem.
submitted by AdviceAndFunOnly to ENFP [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:24 Plus_Flow4934 Today I got a message that my account has been credited with 15 lakh rupees.

-Today I got a message that my account has been credited with 15 lakh rupees.
-He asked me to get inside an Alto car but I refused and asked for a SUV because I don't consider myself lesser human than some dream girl.
-Hungry me went to a nearby restaurant and ordered my favourite daal, paneer,naan and onion salad.
-Terrified by such behaviour I woke up from my dream.Share my dream with as many people as possible so they can wake up to reality.
Jai hind 🇮🇳🙏 (Not a writer of post)
submitted by Plus_Flow4934 to india [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:23 Hot-Contribution2122 Still obsessed with LO for over a year after confession + no contact

First time poster and long-time limerent here.
I'm honestly just having a hard time understanding how the hell this thing persists.
I want to say it was about two years ago when I (18M) first became attracted to someone (19-20M, not sure atp) in one of my high school classes. He was in the grade above me at the time (graduated now). At first it was just a simple little crush, until my friends started hyping me up ("you should totally make your move!", "he could be bi!") etc; I was stupid to believe any of that, but friends will be friends and I'm sure they were just trying to help. Anyway, that's when the fantasies started. You know, the idealizations and the "what if" scenarios playing in your head constantly. The feelings only got worse from there, and it got to the point where my main motivation for going to school every day was to see him.
Honestly, I can count on my fingers the number of total interactions I've had with this guy, yet for some reason I felt like floating on air every time I even made eye contact with him across the classroom. I remember one time being assigned to his group for a project and feeling like I had just won the lottery. I didn't know exactly what my feelings were or why I had them, but I knew that sitting around and pining wouldn't get me very far. Eventually, I realized that graduation was lingering and that after that, I would probably never see him again. So I decided I would tell him my feelings, and I knew exactly when I would do it: the two of us would be going on a school music trip, and we happened to be put in the same hotel room. I told myself that I would tell him on the last night of our trip, and though I nearly chickened out, I did it. I told him, and got the response that I was both expecting and silently dreading.
He was honestly as chill and respectful about it as anyone could be, really. He told me that he understood my feelings and that I couldn't control them but, as I expected, he wasn't gay. He even said that this situation did not have to make things awkward between us at school. We both even laughed about it a little bit. In the moment, I was exhilarated that I had finally done it. I had gotten my feelings off my chest, excited that I had gotten closure and could move on, or so I thought.
It wasn't until the next morning at home, when I tried to get out of bed, that reality hit me. Suddenly, that motivation I talked about before was gone, with nothing to take its place. It was as if the weight I felt lift off my chest when I confessed to LO had been replaced with an even heavier one. It took every ounce of my strength to drag myself out of bed and into school that morning.
That trip was a year and two months ago. I kept seeing him in class every day, casting small glances at him with every chance I got. Before I confessed, I was attached and hopeful. After, I was still attached and just...empty. A few months later, he graduated, and I haven't talked to him since. I haven't told many people this, but he still occupies my mind every single day, as does the memory of my confession. I can't look at any pictures of him or hear people talk about him without getting sick to my stomach. I don't know if it's because I still feel something for him, if I'm embarrassed about how I confessed (I said the big "ILY;" was VERY anxious in the moment and didn't know what else to say), or if I'm still subconsciously hoping for something to happen, or if I'm scared of seeing him again because he stayed home and didn't go to college, or something else. What I do know is that I don't think I loved this boy, as I didn't really know him enough. That's something he suggested when I confessed, actually, and I've realized that it's true.
It's been a year since I last saw him, and now my own graduation is nearing. My life couldn't be going better: I have good grades, a great group of friends, and I'll be attending the college of my dreams next year. Yet, after all of those joys and triumphs, my mind always finds its way back to him, every interaction we've ever had replaying in my head like a broken record, and this odd, ever-lasting pain just gnawing away at me.
I guess I just hope to God that I'll meet the person who's meant for me when I go to college. Even if I don't, I just want the pain to stop. It's not debilitating, but it's there, and it's awful. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.
Sorry for the long post. Needed it off my shoulders.
submitted by Hot-Contribution2122 to limerence [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:18 IslandRoute56 Getting mixed messages about co-sleeping. How do rest with your baby?

*oops title edit. How TO rest with your baby?
Hi hi parents of Singapore!
New parent here. I am expecting a baby soon and we are in the middle of planning the nursery for this kiddo. With regards to sleeping, I’ve gotten multiple mixed messages with co sleeping with the baby in the bed.
Some moms I’ve spoken to have told me - you won’t need a crib. If you’re breast feeding it’s easier to just sleep in the same bed because you don’t need to get up, get bottles ready and what not, you just lift your shirt and voila! Baby is fed. She bought a crib but did not use it at all. Her son is still sleeping with her and her husband at 5 years old. But they bond really well as mother and son because of this.
Then I have another that said her husband is adamant about getting the baby independent from young. So they have a crib and a single bed in the common room. Her husband and her used to take turns for night feeding depending who is sleeping with the baby for the night.
We don’t have the luxury of space in sg but would love to hear how Singaporean parents typically do it! Thanks in advance.
submitted by IslandRoute56 to askSingapore [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:17 Significant-Track271 i need help.

i am an 18yo male. in october of 2023, i met a girl on omegle and we had a similar taste in music so we started talking and added each other on snapchat. she told me she was 17 years old turning 18 in may and i turn in 19 in june. upon seeing other and weeks of chatting and flirting, we became intimately close and started sexting and sharing nsfw pictures to each other. it got to a point where we started loving each other and agreed to a long distance relationship, agreeing to meet other in june this year but one month ago out of nowhere she blocked me from all of her social media accounts and my number too. after that i created a different account and asked her for the reason and she revealed that she is actually 14 year old who turned 15 in may. after asking her for an explanation about why she lied about her age, she told me that she was insecure about the way she looked and the shape of her body and that the boys of her school would bully her for her looks which made her have low self esteem. she also told me that i was the only guy ever who ever complimented her about her looks. i immediately stopped talking to her but i got very attached to her and i still have feelings for her. i love her still and i miss talking to her. i often dream about her and i miss her every single moment of the day. what should i do now.
submitted by Significant-Track271 to teenagers [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:15 Commercial-Fan3913 Possible Tonsil Cancer

Hey guys, I just need to vent and have people to talk to I guess.
I’m a 36F single parent , I only have my young teenage daughter and my elderly mother so I don’t really have anyone to talk to.
This will be a long post because I just need to get it all out there.
It all started mid January 2024, I was suffering severe pains in my stomach and rib areas and was vomiting mostly liquids/ stomach acid , I went the the emergency room a few times I was sent to have ultrasound done on my gallbladder, kidney and liver- results were normal , my GP put me on acid reflux medication since being on that the pains have gone and the vomiting it’s every once in a while compared to a few times a day.
Then in early February 2024 I started to get ringing in my ears mostly on the left side but in both, it never stops, my ears felt blocked/ muffled (no pain) I also had a feeling of something in my throat. I went to see my GP again who checked inside my mouth and noticed my left tonsil was swollen so she put me on antibiotics which didn’t work so she did a second course I ended up going to the emergency room as I noticed a weird thing on the bottom of my tonsil towards the front it looks like a skin tag? Not sure how to explain it but I was freaking out , the ER doctor said it “looks” like a small cyst nodule and did blood test , he said I don’t have a bacterial infection and to stop the antibiotics, if the cyst was there still in 3 weeks to go back to my GP. After 3 weeks the cyst was there still, I still had the issues with my ears and the feeling of something in my throat but it felt higher up more like the back of my mouth. I went to my GP who then referred me to a public ENT I got an appt with them for March 8th, I went to the ent appt and I was a complete mess, I just said straight up I think I have tonsil cancer so he got me to sit in the chair so he could scope up my nose/ down my throat, I asked him is it cancer and he said “ I don’t think so “ then he went to go get his boss which made me freak out more. In came the boss which seem to be nice he had a look with his light and eye piece and said that my left tonsil is slightly bigger than my right and was firmer he also said he didn’t think it was cancer. He said he wanted me to come back in 5/6 weeks for reassurance. He asked me to see my GP to get my anxiety sorted and also suggested I go visit my dentist to get teeth cleaning done as I have tartar ( I’m a smoker )
They sent a report to my GP which states on the report about having my tonsils removed and biopsy done. Why would they say that if they don’t think it’s cancer …. I’m a complete mess. Surgery absolutely scares me.
I was meant to have my next ent appt on the 16th of May but have just received a letter saying that it’s been postponed to the 29th July
I noticed about a month ago I have a swollen lymph node on the left side going along my jaw from just below my ear. It was tender to lay on to begin with but now there’s no pain but it’s still very large maybe 2-3cm in length (from ear going towards chin ) it’s not rock hard but it’s firm, I can move it only a tiny little bit
I’m just so scared , I’m scared that having to wait so long to see the ent that if it’s cancer it’s going to spread even more and then not be treatable
submitted by Commercial-Fan3913 to cancer [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:08 Plan_Glittering Is it me or do people just hate pregnant women

So I’ve (25 F) been living in Seattle with my fiancé (26 M) we’ve been together for about 4 years now. We were talking about marriage then I fell pregnant and we decided to keep it of course although I was hesitant since I had heard horror stories about pregnancy. Most of the women in my life are single moms. My mom was a single mom of 2 but then she married and had 2 more. She worked full time through all 4 pregnancy’s, commuting an hour to work. She spent one of her pregnancies on a broken foot and going back to work 2-6 weeks after each birth. When I was younger it seems fine but now that I’m pregnant and thinking about it, I would absolutely never be able to handle that.
ANYWAYS… I’ve had a pretty complicated pregnancy, had HG until 6 months, I still throw up but now it’s just regular morning sickness. I couldn’t work during months 2-4 and my fiancé did absolutely everything for me. He even had to carry me into the shower and wash me sometimes because I was so weak. I lost so much weight and spent lots of time in the hospital. I’m not sure how I survived that but I did. Keep in mind, during this time, people kept telling me I was just being negative and all this was happening to me because I was negative and to basically meditate and take a walk.
Fast forward, I started back working month 4 when I started feeling a little better because I felt bad and unproductive. Now I’m 8months and I’m over it, I had a TIA (MINI stroke) at work and had to be rushed to the hospital (embarrassing), I have SPD and it hurts if I walk, my job doesn’t want to accommodate a WFH structure (which is another story), and my Fiancé just wants me to quit as he doesn’t like to see me in pain.
I am super close to my mom and she has been begging me to come stay with her and she really wants me to give birth in NY. I convinced my Fiancé to let me come here and explained that my mom really wants to take care of me in this last stretch and he could have some time to breathe since I’ve been relying on him this whole time. He was not happy about it but let me go.
I get to JFK, everyone is being rude to me, I asked the man who drives the golf cart looking thing if I can hitch a ride because I’m pregnant and in some pain, he got so mad at me and told me pregnancy is not a sickness, but still let me on.
I get to my mom’s house, she put me downstairs in the basement instead of a room upstairs and will not let me sleep up there. Which is pissing me off, I have to climb 2 flights of stairs to get to the bathroom and the basement is dusty and dark with no ventilation. I told my mom when I got here that I did not want to sleep in the basement, she told me it was fine and that there was more room down there. I didn’t want to argue with her so I just let it be.
My mom’s office is also downstairs in the basement so everyday she wakes me up by coming down the stairs and crossing through the first room that I’m in to get to her office. She then proceeds to be on meetings all day. I also have no privacy and no door.
My SPD is getting really bad and everyone keeps telling me how dramatic I am and how they had to endure horrible conditions while they were pregnant and worked up until they gave birth.
Am I a bitch and being ungrateful or are people fucking with me right now? I feel like the women in my life are trying to make things harder rather than help me relax and get ready for birth. It’s almost like people are laughing at me for being pregnant and suffering.
submitted by Plan_Glittering to pregnant [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:01 LudaBaklava Unleash the Thrill: Dive into Howl.GG, Your Ultimate Destination for Provably Fair Rust Skin Gambling

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submitted by LudaBaklava to u/LudaBaklava [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 12:00 AutoModerator Daily Advice Thread - May 14, 2024

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submitted by AutoModerator to apple [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 11:59 tunaflix Moving to Stockholm as a Researcher: your best tips

Good Morning Stockholm!
I (Italian, M23) will move to Stockholm in September for one or two years to work as a researcher. I am looking for general tips about the city and about life in Sweden. Opinions and tips from both locals and other students are more than welcome. For example, I would like to know:
Any other tip or idea that you might consider useful is welcomed! I apologize for the long message but I want my experience to be as smooth as possible.
submitted by tunaflix to TillSverige [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 11:58 the_D24 M21 Germany

Hey there, Im mainly looking for a serouis long term realtionship, but a nice chat with chill people is also welcome. Boys and girls welcome
A bit about me: Coming from the eastern part of Germany (Saxony) and will start to study soon. Im 1.81m tall with a rather skinny/fit body and short dark blonde hair.
Love being in nature and to go hiking as well as fishing. Working out from time to time, mainly go running. Also a big Star Wars nerd and love everything around sci-fi and fantasy. Im a bit of a gamer too, mainly play single player or coop games.
So if I could catch your interest drop a message and we see where things go. Please be somewhere from 18 to 23. A similar body type would be appreciated.
submitted by the_D24 to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 11:52 Strict-Green5017 Defensive housemate won't buy or clean anything

SORRY IT'S LONG I JUST HAVE TO VENT
I moved into this share house 6 months ago, Alex moved in two days after me.
Our other two housemates have lived here for over a year and are barely home, they don't do much around the house but they also aren't the ones making the mess. Even though they are barely ever here they still buy replacements for things we all use and take out the trash and tidy up after themselves. They are very low maintenance and respectful.
Alex doesn't do a single thing to contribute to the house. He piles dishes on the drying rack until every single pot, pan and bowl we own is out on the bench, uses the communal items but has never replaced a single thing, brings rubbish down from his room and stuffs it into the already overfull kitchen bin, never takes it out. He has never picked up after himself or cleaned a mess he makes. He doesn't wash his hands, ever. Leaves pools of water over the kitchen after doing dishes and the bathroom is basically flooded after he showers.
Usually I will just sort of move his mess out of my way as best I can and don't clean up after him. I'll make a pile of the food he leaves in the sink (often raw chicken) on the side of the bench. One time I finished the dish liquid, there were three more bottles under the sink and I didn't get a new one out. Alex piled up his dirty dishes on the side of the bench for 8 days because he didn't look under the sink or just go buy more. He uses the kitchen 2-3 times every single day. We also have a dishwasher he could have used...
I can't tell if he knows what he's doing, I think he just doesn't care but he also hates being called out and he gets upset and seems guilty/embarrassed about his behaviour?? He is very sensitive and acts like's a child. It's clear he never realised how much his parents did for him around the house and just thinks nothing is ever dirty and there's an endless supply of toilet paper and cleaning products but isn't aware of the fact that someone has to be cleaning and buying those things. I don't know if he's lived out of home before, I've asked but never got a yes or no.
Yesterday I sent a message to the group chat. I gave a couple of examples in areas where "we" could improve, literally all of them were purely about Alex but I didn't specify that it was him. Alex was immediately defensive and replied how I expected.
He said it's not fair that he has to buy communal things when other people use more of it. He will buy and use his own things from now on. Even if he does do that, this entire time he's been using the communal stuff. One of the housemates said why don't we just all contribute a small amount each month and she will be responsible for buying everything. Alex said no. Instead of just starting to contribute he gets angry and always reacts with something along the lines of "fine! since you all hate me, i'll just buy my own stuff!" or "it's not my fault there's lint in the dryer tray". I pointed out that the rest of us also make mess but we just clean up after ourselves, he doesn't believe me and says I'm just blaming him.
He also started to talk about bills (they are split evenly) and said it's not fair that certain people use more than others but we all pay for it. I said there will be things you use more than us, he is usually up all night so has the lights on when the rest of us don't. He takes very long showers, he is here 7 days a week when the other housemates are only here a couple days. He didn't reply to anything I said and just kept going on about how it isn't fair and he will just stay in his room from now on to "not cause problems".
He also is quite strange around the house, he doesn't know where certain things go or how to use appliances but instead of asking somebody, or googling it, or just LOOKING for it he will just leave it. He is not proactive at all. One time I was rearranging things in the linen cupboard to make room so I could use a shelf, it was all old crap that past housemates have left here, I knew that because I asked our other housemates about it. He walked past and said "I didn't know we were allowed to do that"...bro its your house too! He clearly wants to use things but just doesn't fucking ask or take initiative and do it himself. He has never messaged the group chat to ask about anything, he will just suffer if he can't find something he needs which is just stupid.
I'm so tired, I hate having to keep my things in my room. I want to live somewhere that isn't disgusting with rotting vegetables and mouldy open cans of sour cream in the fridge, to be able to walk around bare foot without stepping in food and slipping in pools of water, to be able to touch door handles and light switches without thinking about the fact that my housemate doesn't wash his hands after he shits. Anything you say he has a very dramatic reaction and a defence waiting. I'm currently saving but don't have enough to move out yet. Why are people like this? He just makes everything so hard. I can never decide between living in a clean space and doing most things myself, or letting everything rot and hoping that other people will pick up the slack even though I know they probably never will.
submitted by Strict-Green5017 to badroommates [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 11:49 Commercial-Fan3913 Possible Tonsil Cancer

Hey guys, I just need to vent and have people to talk to I guess.
I’m a 36F single parent , I only have my young teenage daughter and my elderly mother so I don’t really have anyone to talk to.
This will be a long post because I just need to get it all out there.
It all started mid January 2024, I was suffering severe pains in my stomach and rib areas and was vomiting mostly liquids/ stomach acid , I went the the emergency room a few times I was sent to have ultrasound done on my gallbladder, kidney and liver- results were normal , my GP put me on acid reflux medication since being on that the pains have gone and the vomiting it’s every once in a while compared to a few times a day.
Then in early February 2024 I started to get ringing in my ears mostly on the left side but in both, it never stops, my ears felt blocked/ muffled (no pain) I also had a feeling of something in my throat. I went to see my GP again who checked inside my mouth and noticed my left tonsil was swollen so she put me on antibiotics which didn’t work so she did a second course I ended up going to the emergency room as I noticed a weird thing on the bottom of my tonsil towards the front it looks like a skin tag? Not sure how to explain it but I was freaking out , the ER doctor said it “looks” like a small cyst nodule and did blood test , he said I don’t have a bacterial infection and to stop the antibiotics, if the cyst was there still in 3 weeks to go back to my GP. After 3 weeks the cyst was there still, I still had the issues with my ears and the feeling of something in my throat but it felt higher up more like the back of my mouth. I went to my GP who then referred me to a public ENT I got an appt with them for March 8th, I went to the ent appt and I was a complete mess, I just said straight up I think I have tonsil cancer so he got me to sit in the chair so he could scope up my nose/ down my throat, I asked him is it cancer and he said “ I don’t think so “ then he went to go get his boss which made me freak out more. In came the boss which seem to be nice he had a look with his light and eye piece and said that my left tonsil is slightly bigger than my right and was firmer he also said he didn’t think it was cancer. He said he wanted me to come back in 5/6 weeks for reassurance. He asked me to see my GP to get my anxiety sorted and also suggested I go visit my dentist to get teeth cleaning done as I have tartar ( I’m a smoker )
They sent a report to my GP which states on the report about having my tonsils removed and biopsy done. Why would they say that if they don’t think it’s cancer …. I’m a complete mess. Surgery absolutely scares me.
I was meant to have my next ent appt on the 16th of May but have just received a letter saying that it’s been postponed to the 29th July
I noticed about a month ago I have a swollen lymph node on the left side going along my jaw from just below my ear. It was tender to lay on to begin with but now there’s no pain but it’s still very large maybe 2-3cm in length (from ear going towards chin ) it’s not rock hard but it’s firm, I can move it only a tiny little bit
I’m just so scared , I’m scared that having to wait so long to see the ent that if it’s cancer it’s going to spread even more and then not be treatable
submitted by Commercial-Fan3913 to AskDocs [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 11:48 RoyalEchidnaHerder Humidity, window and wall sweats

TL;DR - Window sweat on only one window, wall water stains (not visible only when looking at angle) all over the house. Tried every suggestion online but humidity still high.
Hello fellow redditors!
Experiencing first full winter in the new home bought last year. As it is getting colder, recently noticed that just one of the bedroom windows “sweat” at night, even when there is nobody in it and the door is closed. Been doing some research and have tried the following without success in eliminating it:-
1) Leaving windows and room doors open - it’s getting really cold, and the window will let the rain enter making the carpet wet. 2) Ventilate during the day - even today where is was mostly bright and sunny, the humidity only went down to 60%, still too high for some websites. 3) Running a dehumidifier - this lowers the humidity, but it goes back up after a while, and it is getting costly. 4) Weatherstripping - I have added some additional weather stripping but it doesn’t seem to work. All other windows do not sweat even without the additional weather stripping. 5) Turning on the fan - this worked a treat, especially pointing it at the window, window sweat stopped. But, it’s a tad bit cold NGL.
Windows are single panel with aluminium frame from what I can tell (20-30 year old house). Probably those cheap 2mm window panes. Property probably isn’t very air tight, with halogen lights venting into celling/roof.
Weirdly enough the condensation will usually start on the flyscreen before the actual window condenses. However, I did also notice couple days ago that all the walls seem to have water stains, like condensation has been there before (no marks or anything, but can see it when looking at an angle). Unsure whether this was recent or has been there since before I moved in.
House does get a little frosty, especially when it is really cold outside (like 13°C inside when it is 8°C outside). Humidity does fluctuate during day and night, as high as 80% over wet weekend and as low as 30% in summer.
Have not been turning on central heater because I have not had it cleaned (was planning to decommission it for spilt system units).
Appreciate if anyone’s advice or be pointed in the right direction for this. TIA!
submitted by RoyalEchidnaHerder to AusProperty [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 11:48 Frog_Shaped Top Surgery Process Journal

The EXTREMELY detailed, mega-anxiety edition!!! Major events like consult and surgery day are labeled like this:
——— EVENT TITLE ———
Surgeon was Dr. David Whitehead and I saw him on Long Island (New Hyde)
Summarized list of major dates:
Consult: July 19 2023 Mental health letter acquired: August 9 Dates discussed: September 12 Pre-op appointment: December 18 Surgery day: January 8 2024 Post-op: January 17
November 11th 2022: Emailed northwell health for the first time, they emailed back saying to call. I was too anxious so I avoided it for a few months.
Called northwell a few months later but got too anxious talking to the person who picked up. They were being normal and talking normally, it was just personal anxiety on my part.
October 2022 - Early March 2023: Spent time talking to trans friends and family members about their timelines and processes for top surgery.
Looked into Penn medicine for a bit but wasn’t happy with the surgeons there, specifically as a nonbinary person. The patient navigational team however is lovely.
March 2: emailed Penn health patient navigation
March 3-10: correspondence and phone calls w patient navigation (absolutely wonderful people, some of the easiest phone calls I’ve ever had) Got lots of into on surgeons, things I’d need, processes etc.
Date unknown: phone call to Penn medicine asking about surgeons and possibly setting up as a patient (v long wait time on phone) Surgeon I had heard good things about only works w CHOP program and I’m was too old for that program. Other surgeons I was v iffy on.
March 23rd: Back to square 1. Called northwell again to set up an appointment. Everyone I spoke to was really nice. Could have set up an appointment within the week but decided to wait till the end of the semester. Scheduled a trans care and primary care appointment for May
Couple of calls In between for confirmations. Trans care appointment got moved around a bit and ended up being moved to a phone call.
May 8th: Trans care call: Basic preliminary questions like: Emergency contact, what you’re looking for, are you thinking of looking into hormones, experience w dysphoria or dysmorphia, mental health, and eating/nutritional concerns, things you might want doc to know, piercings or tattoos, do you do any drugs or drink often, etc. total call time was about 20 minutes. Doctor was incredibly kind, I still experienced a good deal of anxiety but the call was super easy, welcoming, and friendly. Got sent contact referrals for the surgeons, as well as trans-friendly therapists under my insurance.
May 9th: started looking at list of therapists and making respective emails and calls. Checking per session costs and double checking insurance. Most charge 100-150 per session. Got in contact w one.
May 10th: Called w first therapist talking about what I’m looking for, where I am in this process, if parents are supportive, and talking about costs. She was very friendly and affirming, wants to have a few sessions to get to know me and my situation before writing a letter. Understandable and expected, but frustrating.
May 15th: Primary care appointment: Went to northwell health primary care, parkinglot was a little scary (just a large lot with a lot of cars) but everyone working there’s is super kind. Office is incredibly affirming, pride flags and lgbtq+ art everywhere. Gave my insurance card, filled out some paper work, got called in pretty quickly. I have a needle phobia and medical trauma so I was panicking a bit in the office, nurse was good w me about it and doctor was very kind, I just requested to not have any blood work done that day and that was totally fine, so I could schedule that at a later date and go w a friend. Recommended to get blood work done before scheduling a consult w a surgeon. Also prescribed me a single dose anxiety med for the bloodwork which I was very happy about. I found over time that the anxiety meds unfortunately do little to nothing for my panic attacks personally when it comes to needles but regardless having a doctor acknowledge and respect that fear and listen to me was incredibly helpful and reassuring.
May 30th: Got blood work done in a different lab, went w a friend. Scheduling for that is super easy, I think I did it online actually I don’t entirely recall. they do take walk ins but I made an appointment to minimize complications and make sure I could prepare properly. Front desk/lobby area was a little spooky, but I think that is mainly just bc of my social anxiety. They take a urine sample, you give them your prescription, eventually they call you over for blood work. Quick and easy, tech was v nice and having a friend with me was incredibly helpful. Probably the best I’ve ever done with a needle despite the fact that I did still panic and get very lightheaded lol.
Got blood work results back within the next couple days, all looks a-okay! Neat :)
June 15th This day was incredibly difficult. I had my first session with a therapist to establish some ground knowledge around my dysphoria and the way that I view myself. Top surgery is something that I know from research and related experience Can be difficult and expensive to get and can take time, so much of my prep work has been on the understanding of taking things a step at a time and just knowing that the current way things are doesn’t have to be forever. It allowed me to be able to live with myself while prioritizing my health better. This read to the therapist as “not having the level of dysphoria [she’s] come to expect and look for in someone who is trans” and was largely based off the fact that I don’t want to go on hrt. Past that point I started to break down because now my method of learning to live with myself felt like it was actively going to work against me and prevent me from getting top surgery. I’m not good at talking about my dysphoria, I can’t imagine it’s easy for anyone, especially to a stranger I just met. It was rough, and I felt incredibly mentally drained after ending the session.
June 19th Called it quits with the first therapist, I felt incredibly disrespected and the one session we had put me in a mental spiral for days. It can feel some times in this process like the people you have to get permission from need you to be severely depressed and unable to wait another second for this procedure just in order to take you seriously.
After I left that therapist, I immediately got back to the list to find someone new. Spoke to a new therapist via email, but my insurance is kinda weird (Blue Cross Blue Shield out of state) so its off putting to some people. This therapist recommended I go through the office she started out at (Heart and Soul Counseling)
————- Time Skip ——————
IM BACK its time for some record keeping. Got super overwhelmed and lost the energy to document my process for some time so here goes.
HEART AND SOUL COUNSELING: My experience w/ this therapy office was mostly good. The person in charge, Jesse, was absolutely lovely and responsive. Never spoke in person, but any text/email interaction was prompt, respectful, and kind. The office is stellar with email/text communication, so I only ever had to call them once when I was initially inquiring about the office. This is something I wish all therapy/counseling centers did better, eliminated a ton of my anxiety and hesitation to speak to therapists.
I got set up w someone as quickly as possible and established what my goal was (to acquire letter document for my surgery team). I attended multiple session w the therapist, she was a kind lady but the sessions were unfortunately p miserable for me. We didn’t fit well, but I was willing to stick it out rather than backtrack on my process. She also did not invalidate me or accuse me of not being trans which was a major step up from my first therapy experience. Once I acquired my letter I did stop therapy there, I kindly explained to the therapist that it wasn’t a good match, but I may honestly explore my options at the office in the future. Receptionist there was also lovely and they had a cool fish tank.
———- CONSULT STARTS HERE —————
July 19th: CONSULT!!! My mama and I went to Dr. David Whiteheads office for a consult. Parking was a nightmare so I’m super glad I didn’t have to drive for this one (ty mama). Consult went really well, and the staff were all super friendly. Dr. Whitehead is cool, very chill energy and a bit intimidating, but I’m scared of everyone so that’s nothing new. First question he asked me is what I wanted/what he could do for me which caught me more off guard than it should have? I didn’t realize going into this process how many times people ask you what you’re having done even if it’s already written down, because there’s so much variety in what you can look for in the results.
We talked about the procedure, went through a slideshow n stuff, and discussed how I wanted a flat chest w/ no nipple preservation. They made sure to specify that my mental health professional letter had to include that I did not want nipple preservation because thats technically a “non-standard” appearance. Also had the first breast exam I’ve ever had in my life. Can’t say i’m a fan (not that I need to worry about that anymore!) Took pictures n measurements n such, and also discussed recovery supplies and care w me and my mom.
August 9th: After a plethora of painfully awkward therapy sessions, a decent amount of crying, and a couple breakdowns in friends cars/backyards, I got my therapist letter and sent it to the surgeons office. It ended up needing minor revisions to which I contacted Jesse from Heart and Soul and he got me the revised letter immediately. Unfortunately the surgical coordinator was out of office for the rest of the month the next day ;w;. Is how it be.
September 12th: Got a call from Surgical coordinator mid-painting class that I stepped out to take. Started discussing surgical dates!! She was kind enough to email the dates to me which was lovely because I was absolutely shaking/mind blank haha. There was an option for January 8th which felt like an absolute miracle the way it would work with my school schedule. It would give me a solid two weeks recovery time before spring semester began. Because it would be a couple months out, I was asked to contact her in the second week of October to submit documents to insurance.
(Timeline note: earliest date offered was in early December)
October 10th: Documents sent to insurance, predetermination started
October 30th: Received mail from my insurance approving my procedure as medically necessary (YAY) But! This is also where things get,,, fun! Dr Whitehead’s surgical coordinator, Alyssa, is a blessing and was very helpful and prompt with me despite the fact that I had to email her pretty constantly during this general time which I still feel bad about.
Around this time, my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, which I reported to the surgical coordinator because it influences my family history (grandmother also had breast cancer). It was asked that I get genetic testing done because this could impact my surgical procedure. Now I’m handling the setup on this between helping my mom in her process setting up consults and considering her options because there of course is a lot of crossover to the steps I’ve already completed and am familiar with.
November 1st: Very kind person at cancer genetics calls me, sends me a family history questionnaire to fill out before I can be scheduled to see a genetic counselor. Filled out the questionnaire the same day.
November 8th: Called cancer genetics to check about scheduling, office was not open so left a message. Got a call back later in the day. I have a virtual appointment with a Genetic counselor Tuesday the 14th. Current plan is a mailed saliva genetic test but I’m going to ask if theres anything I can do to get results/materials quicker. If I can’t get results/feedback by December 8th my surgery date may get deferred.
Trying not to stress too much because there is little to nothing I can do about this, and I just don’t want to be sad. I’ve kept telling myself throughout this process to not get excited and not let myself believe anything is solid because something could happen at any time that might mess up my schedule or plan, and If I convince myself I’m in the clear, those changes will hurt a lot more. So far I think thats been a good move, because this really sucks.
My surgery date is still officially scheduled as of now as well as my first post-op. I will also ideally have pre-surgical testing done December 18th should I be cleared by genetics in time (Fingers crossed!)
ALSO! Def lean on friends if/when you can during this process. It can absolutely be challenging, and having a support system is incredibly important and helpful. I’m super lucky to have really lovely and supportive friends that are around to listen to me and send me pictures of stupid little animals.
November 9th: My mama is scheduled for her double mastectomy on December 4th
November 10th: Did some shopping with my mama for recovery supplies for double mastectomy/top surgery. Having watched a million and a half transition/top surgery videos and tiktoks and having read all the blogs and posts and tweets makes you a great support for someone suddenly faced with an upcoming double mastectomy! We might go shopping this weekend for some button ups and zip ups for her, clothes shopping is better done when you can try stuff on
November 14th: Meeting w genetic counselor: Victoria Webb, one of the loveliest medical care workers I’ve ever met. Had a virtual appointment with her to discuss and set up genetic testing. I explained to her about my situation w the proximity of my surgery and tight deadline as well as my willingness to do a blood test instead of a saliva kit to get results quicker. She was so incredibly kind and good with me, ended up being able to do a saliva kit and get results in time she deserves every good thing in life.
December 18th: pre-surgical testing: This was at the main hospital, everyone was really nice but I had a really bad panic attack despite being on Xanax.
The process is sort of like getting a physical. Measurements like weight and blood pressure get taken, lots of preliminary health questions. The people working with me were really kind and I was very open with them about my anxiety, it was visually apparent though anyway because I started crying the second we even started talking about the blood draw.
Once the equipment was actually brought into the room I started to panic. Both of the women working with me were really kind and helpful and tried to distract me and keep me talking the entire time, but I did still have a really horrible panic attack. Every muscle in my body locked up and I lost all my color, took a bit to get back to a spot where I could move and talk properly because my speech was affected too. It was a bit scary but funny to think about in post. Thanked the medical staff for being patient w me as always, a good portion of the anxiety is also guilt about making things harder for them. Got through it tho. Def eat before presurgical if allowed, I didn’t and that probably didn’t help!!
———- SURGERY DAY ————-
January 8th:
Ok so surgery day:
This day was very scary. Got my phone call the Friday prior for my surgery time which ended up being 1pm and I was asked to arrive around 11. Got there at 10 and went in at 10:30.
Called up to check in then in waiting room till someone brought me back to change. I told her right away about my anxiety with the iv bc that’s legit all I could think about. Got changed right after. I was generally shaky and a little disoriented the entire time because I was panicking but everyone was very patient with me. Clothes and belongings go in a bag in a locker and you get two gowns one that faces back and one that faces front. I was given underwear and a pad as well because lucky me I got my period a couple days before my surgery.
The pre-op area is a lot of little cubicles with curtain divider things, blue soft chairs, and medical equipment. Everyone I met and spoke to was very kind, but any time someone even suggested starting my iv I would panic. I was informed it would have to be placed in my hand and that terrified me, I’m especially anxious and sensitive about my hands and fingers. I think doctors and nurses tend to misunderstand exactly where my fear is with needles and ivs. It isn’t the pain that scares me, but the concept of veins and and anything being in them. Even writing this right now is horrible so I’m going to stop w any further detail. I spent the entire two-ish hours of pre-op absolutely terrified about this iv.
I wasn’t really keeping track of time but dr whitehead came in to do markings for surgery. They had cool rainbow socks on,big fan. Having your chest drawn on and just like, moved around n shit is such an experience. Felt bad because I kept losing my balance but doctor Whitehead is cool and I am 98% less scared about them now.
Probably my most favorite person I met during my entire hospital experience was the anesthesiologist. I know he told me what his name was but I couldn’t focus on or retain information at the time. He told me we could essentially put me to sleep with gas before putting the iv in and for the first time in probably a solid week I felt like I could calm down a little. He took a look at my hand and arm to check my veins which always does freak me out a bit but I’m more used to that kind of thing at this point and I know nothing bad is going to happen. One of the nurses came in with the iv equipment and he let her know that were going to wait till in the or which was also incredibly helpful because I absolutely panicked when I saw that little supply kit again.
V nice lady brought me into the or, I’d never been in one before it was cool. They had a little music speaker which was really cool. Took off blue jacket gown and they helped me onto the table. They put a warm blanket over my legs and my chest to help me calm down. Before long they gave me a mask w fun happy sleepy time gas, they let me keep my arms on my chest for a while which was really nice because I was still scared. I started getting loopy pretty fast but I still heard when someone mentioned where the iv equipment was and panicked a little because of that. I remember feeling them take my hand for that but never actually felt anything happen. Just some fear but the gas was v helpful obvi. Someone said they would see me in a little bit, and then I was groggily waking up in recovery.
Recovery was a little rough bc the iv was still there (fully wrapped up so I couldn’t see it though which was rad) but I was still really anxious about it until it was taken out and when it was taken out. For anyone that struggles w this i did not feel them remove it, just the tape. Everything was mentally much easier after that. After a while, going over instructions w parents, a cracker , some ginger ale and some juice, my dad helped me Get dressed and I was helped out to the car in a wheel chair. Ride was smooth bc of remaining numbness and meds except a few Bumps in the road
TOP SURGERY GOTTEN
My post op date was scheduled for Jan 17th and that’s the day I got my drains out followed by several post op check-ins. First week of recovery was miserable but things exponentially approved each day past that, and I went back to school in person two weeks post-op with driving and item-carrying assistance from friends!
Will upload recovery notes at a later date! Feel free to message me with any questions, more than happy to answer and give info! I’m a bit over four months out from surgery now and thriving 🥳
submitted by Frog_Shaped to TopSurgery [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 11:47 RoyalEchidnaHerder Humidity, window and wall sweats

TL;DR - Window sweat on only one window, wall water stains (not visible only when looking at angle) all over the house. Tried every suggestion online but humidity still high.
Hello fellow redditors!
Experiencing first full winter in the new home bought last year. As it is getting colder, recently noticed that just one of the bedroom windows “sweat” at night, even when there is nobody in it and the door is closed. Been doing some research and have tried the following without success in eliminating it:-
1) Leaving windows and room doors open - it’s getting really cold, and the window will let the rain enter making the carpet wet. 2) Ventilate during the day - even today where is was mostly bright and sunny, the humidity only went down to 60%, still too high for some websites. 3) Running a dehumidifier - this lowers the humidity, but it goes back up after a while, and it is getting costly. 4) Weatherstripping - I have added some additional weather stripping but it doesn’t seem to work. All other windows do not sweat even without the additional weather stripping. 5) Turning on the fan - this worked a treat, especially pointing it at the window, window sweat stopped. But, it’s a tad bit cold NGL.
Windows are single panel with aluminium frame from what I can tell (20-30 year old house). Probably those cheap 2mm window panes. Property probably isn’t very air tight, with halogen lights venting into celling/roof.
Weirdly enough the condensation will usually start on the flyscreen before the actual window condenses. However, I did also notice couple days ago that all the walls seem to have water stains, like condensation has been there before (no marks or anything, but can see it when looking at an angle). Unsure whether this was recent or has been there since before I moved in.
House does get a little frosty, especially when it is really cold outside (like 13°C inside when it is 8°C outside). Humidity does fluctuate during day and night, as high as 80% over wet weekend and as low as 30% in summer.
Have not been turning on central heater because I have not had it cleaned (was planning to decommission it for spilt system units).
Appreciate if anyone’s advice or be pointed in the right direction for this. TIA!
submitted by RoyalEchidnaHerder to AusPropertyChat [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 11:45 ennis88 *Update* So I played in the Charity Football match

*Update* So I played in the Charity Football match
What a day! Had such a great time. I was mostly worried because I had a slight tear in my calf playing football about 2 months ago and wasn't completely healed. It did unfortunately go about 10 mins into the game, hence quite a bit of walking and not much running! Still had an amazing time though.
Everyone was so kind and welcoming and the real highlights were all the little interactions throughout the day. It was so hot though. The rule that we had to do each restart from the goal line was torture! Maisie hitting the crossbar was an unbelievable moment.
A few interactions that stuck in my mind:
James was funny. At first I told him I was Nish's cousin. Then he found out that wasn't true. Then told him I'd just bought Chesham Utd and that's why I was playing, then he found out that wasn't true. In the changing room after the game he was like, "okay seriously who actually are you?!". told him I worked for Netflix, and he was like "BULLSHIT, stop lying about who you are". Had to show him my emails to prove it.
Told Jon Kearns that the effort on his face was disproportionate to the speed at which he ran, which he really enjoyed.
When I went out for the warm up and Matthew Baynton was trying to hit the bar. Went over to him and he was like I've had about 10 goes but come close a couple times. I then hit the bar with my first two shots, and he said "Well you've just made me look a right twat"
Had a good chat with Nish about school as we both went to the same one. Turns out we have a shared experience of the same teacher telling both our parents that we would never succeed in life.
Had a bit of banter with Sophie Duker after she hacked me down. Told her I was gonna take her out in the second half, she said she was gonna slip a knife into her sock and come for me.
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submitted by ennis88 to taskmaster [link] [comments]


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