Hey all, I’d love some perspective on this issue.
Next week I’ll be reaching 90 days alcohol free. Woohoo!
At the start of it I was smoking weed, but stopped shortly after realizing I was partaking too much and potentially replacing one substance with another. I’ve never been an avid weed smoker, I’m not someone who enjoys getting too stoned. Always been a one hitter type but it became a little bit more once I wasn’t drinking, mostly for sleeping.
I’m not completely concerned about that regarding my 90 day count. However, a few weeks ago I did mushrooms with a buddy who had always wanted to try them and I’m a little bit experienced with them. I don’t personally have a problem with it, we mini dosed and had a good, wholesome time. I feel very aware of my mental state through all of this and have been maintaining sobriety through therapy and AA.
I guess my personal take on it all falls under a few categories. If I’m not drinking, that’s what matters, to a degree. Drugs I used to take while drunk such as cocaine or other hard substances are a hard no.
I’ve not sworn off weed, and will most likely smoke in social settings in the future. I just wanted to be sure I had a grasp on it while I became more secure in not drinking. Same goes for mushrooms. Not once in considering doing them did I feel like I was taking them to escape anything, and if anything I was able to dive a little deeper into some issues in my life. It felt healthy and not like a panic response like alcohol always has for me.
My conflict is in regards to AA. I love my group, I go one to two times a week and have made some wonderful friends and the support has been incredible in the scope of accepting that I want to be sober for life. However, there’s a part of me that feels like a fraud if I celebrate 90 days and get a chip at the next meeting. I’m so proud of myself, and want to celebrate, but I feel like I’m lying to everyone who is also proud of me. I tend to overthink and can be hypersensitive to guilt/shame, so I’m reaching out here to hear your opinions on this.
I want to add, I know what it feels like to bargain with myself over drinking/substances and my ability to moderate (it doesn’t exist) and I strongly considered that prior to taking the mushrooms. I felt stable and reflective before, during and after. If anything it confirmed that I love being alcohol free and made me increasingly proud of how far I’ve come, mentally and physically.
I’m 27F for reference. Any input is appreciated. Thank you!
TL;DR conflicted over celebrating 90 days with AA group when I’ve taken mushrooms during the duration.

State of the consumer Are U.S. consumers finally tightening the purse strings? That's the main question on the minds of investors as major retailers kick off their quarterly earnings reports this week, starting with Home Depot (HD). The home improvement chain's Q1 results came in below Street expectations, hurt by a delayed start to spring, continued softness in certain larger discretionary projects, and higher mortgage rates.
Dig deeper: Retailer earnings come at a time when consumer sentiment is weakening, amid expectations of stickier inflation for some time to come and a tempered outlook for income growth. Investing Group Leader Bret Jensen believes stagflation is an increasingly likely economic scenario. "Right now, I believe the average American consumer has a better handle on the U.S. economy than the average investor and a better take on the true level of inflation than governmental statistics."
Scott Feiler, consumer sector specialist at Goldman Sachs, said the consumer spending concerns have been driven by updates by bellwethers in the sector, and the notable slowdown seen in April - one of the worst months of the retail quarter. Companies like Wayfair (W) and Whirlpool (WHR) have already warned that consumers are cutting back spending on big-ticket items, while fast-food chains such as McDonald's (MCD) and Starbucks (SBUX) have observed pickier and more value-minded customers. "Consumer cracks are emerging," especially among lower incomes, warned Bank of America analyst Savita Subramanian.
Earnings watch: Walmart (WMT), which will report Q1 results on Thursday, is expected to report modest upside to the consensus U.S. comparable sales estimates, driven by bargain-hunting shoppers. Also keep an eye on other retailers scheduled to report results next week: Lowe's (LOW), Target (TGT), TJX (TJX), and Ross Stores (ROST).
Sustained weight loss Patients who are taking Novo Nordisk's (NVO) blockbuster obesity drug Wegovy have reportedly maintained an average of 10% weight loss four years after starting the treatment. "We see that once the majority of the weight loss is accrued, you don't go back and start to increase weight if you stay on the drug," said Martin Holst Lange, Novo's head of development. The data could help Novo in its efforts to convince insurers and governments to provide coverage for the treatment. The U.K.'s National Health Service provides only two years of Wegovy coverage, while Medicare does not cover the drug. A recent poll showed that many people believe Medicare should cover weight loss drugs. (2 comments)
Resisting takeover Anglo American (OTCQX:AAUKF) has unveiled a major shakeup of the company - which includes divesting its steelmaking coal and nickel businesses - as the British miner aims to stave off BHP's (BHP) takeover bid. Anglo American will demerge Anglo American Platinum (OTCPK:ANGPY), while its diamond business De Beers will either be divested or demerged "to improve strategic flexibility." The overhaul is aimed at sharpening Anglo American's focus on its mainstay assets - copper and premium iron ore. "These actions represent the most radical changes to Anglo American in decades," its CEO Duncan Wanblad said. The plan was announced just a day after the firm rejected BHP's (BHP) new £34B proposal.
Power grid boost The Federal Energy Regulatory Commission approved two new rules Monday that are expected to make it easier to expand the construction of big power lines and bring more renewable energy to U.S. homes and businesses. One rule will require companies that produce and transmit electricity to weigh factors such as supply and demand over at least 20 years; the other addresses the permitting of critical projects in areas that lack adequate transmission capacity. The rule requiring long-term planning is "the biggest single action by the federal government to advance transmission," according to Rob Gramlich, president of power consulting firm Grid Strategies. (46 comments)
Today's Markets
In Asia, Japan +0.5%. Hong Kong -0.2%. China -0.1%. India +0.5%. In Europe, at midday, London +0.1%. Paris -0.1%. Frankfurt -0.2%. Futures at 7:00, Dow flat. S&P -0.1%. Nasdaq -0.1%. Crude flat at $79.10. Gold +0.3% to $2,349.10. Bitcoin -1.5% to $61,690. Ten-year Treasury Yield unchanged at 4.48%.
Today's Economic Calendar
6:00 NFIB Small Business Optimism Index 8:30 Producer Price Index 9:10 Fed’s Cook Speech 10:00 Jerome Powell Speech 8:15 PM Fed's Schmid Speech
Companies reporting earnings today »
What else is happening...
WSB survey results: Derisking and diversifying is still the way to go.
Biden administration raises tariffs steeply on Chinese EVs, chips.
Uber (UBER), Lyft (LYFT) face landmark trial on rideshare drivers.
BYD (OTCPK:BYDDF) sends shockwaves across auto with Seagull.
Biden faces mounting calls to take on grocery price-fixing issue.
HubSpot (HUBS) rises on report of 'compelling' offer from Alphabet.
Wedbush: Apple (AAPL)-OpenAI pact appears to be done deal.
OpenAI unveils new flagship model GPT-4o, available for free to all.
OPEC risks losing market share if it does not start raising output.
ZIM (ZIM) surges as container shipping stocks' momentum continues.

Title pretty much says it all. I'm basically stuck in a toxic relationship with literally no support.
This is a long read, I'm sorry. It feels so good to finally be able to speak all of this out loud.
I've been with my partner for close to a decade and I would be lying if I said it was ever really great. A little backstory: we started dating in early 2017 when we were both 19 turning 20 and moved in with each other that same summer. We lived 2 hours away from each other when we met and our visits always consisted of me traveling to see her and eventually I moved to her city. She had a car, I did not. From the start, we struggled with infidelity (at the beginning it was both of us but I can admit that these days I'm the problem in that aspect), financial issues and just overall not seeing eye to eye. The biggest problem to date is the financial issues we have.
In the beginning, my partner was not diagnosed with anything and was really reckless (constantly quitting jobs, spending most money on weed and fast food, trying other drugs) and also very aggressive and messy (drama). I don't think I have to explain the amount of pressure and stress that put on me to make sure bills and rent were being paid while only making $11/hr while also trying to navigate her emotions and the never-ending drama cycle. I NEVER WANTED TO BE A PROVIDER and I made this clear to my partner on many occasions but I was still being forced to basically pay for her lifestyle. Her only response to my complaints about money was "everyone struggles, look at my parents". Her parents are decent people but definitely not role models when it comes to finances and neither are mine. I was young and in love and this was my first "adult" relationship so in my mind these were normal things that young people go through. I wholeheartedly believed that eventually she would come around and chill out, I was slightly right.
About 4 years ago she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and it felt like maybe things were turning around. She got on meds and in therapy and it seemed as though things were getting better. Unfortunately it did not get better. Well, her emotional state got better. Financially not much changed. She went from getting and quitting jobs to just not applying because "they're not a good fit" and if I say anything about it I get called names and "not supportive". To be fair she will doordash from time to time but that money goes to weed and fast food. There was a time when I was pleading with her to just get a job and help me out and she literally told me that a good partner would basically just suck it up and deal with it because she's mentally ill. Apparently the years before she was diagnosed don't count as me sucking it up and dealing with it lol. She also will berate me and tell me I need meds and therapy but doesn't realize I need money to pay for those things lol. She has free healthcare through the state, I pay for mine through my job and it's not good.
Earlier I mentioned how she was the only one with a car when we got together and 7 years later its still the same way. Even though I'm the only one that works and I make enough to go finance a car, I can't. All of my money goes towards bills/rent and you guessed it, her car payment. After paying bills every week I can't even afford $250 for a road test for my license. I drive every day, she literally will refuse to drive if I'm with her. When things are good its our car, when she gets mad its her car and I can't drive it and I need to find a way to work blah blah blah. I can't talk to her about these things because all she does is say I'm blaming her for my problems and it's not her fault my mom didn't buy me a car as a teenager. LOL. But she absolutely is the reason I can't afford a car of my own and my mom not buying me a car 10 years ago has nothing to do with our current circumstances.
I stopped smoking weed and I'm trying to be more active (I'm overweight) and now I'm a narcissist according to her. I didn't ask her to stop with me or to start being active but apparently she feels some type of way about it. I can't express my feelings to her about how this relationship dynamic does not work for me or how I'm completely overwhelmed and exhausted without her deflecting and making everything my fault. I can't tell her how I don't feel cared for when she brushes my feelings off as nagging because she will call me a narcissist.
I've been having knee problems and could possibly need surgery, it that happens we are fucked and more than likely going to be homeless and without a car. I have a better job than before but still no savings and only enough PTO to last maybe a week. She's currently in school and doesn't work because it's too much for her.
The worst part of all this is the fact that I can't tell my family or friends what I'm going through because 1. She will be upset. She doesn't want to be judged and not be seen as "innocent, sweet, and caring". Those are her own words she uses to describe herself. Meanwhile she tells her family EVERYTHING. If I upset her in any way she's running to the sibling group chat. Apparently its ok for her family to form an opinion of me and pass judgment but not for my family. 2. I feel embarrassed. I don't want to be called a fool for dealing with this for so long.
Obviously leaving her is an option but I have no money and I'm 2 hours away from my closest family. I've pretty much lived my entire adult life in the city that I'm currently in, with her.

Here. And I’d like to start by noticing that Steve Sailer is obviously Delicious Taco’s dad. Having said this.
Good episode. Lots of engagement which I suppose is a net positive for all involved. Obviously a lot of the injury stems from a distortion. The episode’s content fantasized and in fantasy warped into something constituting a threat (no, an outright assault) to the listener’s person. One can simply listen to the episode and see that some (in fact the bulk) of the negative responses are from people reacting to some spectral absent-presence rather than to what is actually being said over the course of the 2 hour long episode. The voices and the discourse have instead been shaped into sonic receptacle containing the reflection of something wildly ugly. Injuriously ugly.
Past few days have been brutal. Found myself doom-viewing the main sub, should know better at this age. Feels like I’ve been transmogrified into an absurd and wretched thing. Must've transgressed against a gnome or something. Fascinating to think about.
I would like nothing more than to shame you.
Miami Summer is a killer. Urine is blood-orange. And my mother deserves better sons.
Why would A&D do this?
Witnessing the rankest comments. In bygone age I’d found them tolerable. Having imagined them delivered by high society homosexual. A damned dandy; chubby, sinister, and flamboyant. Capri on a stick limply held between index and middle fingers, twirling wrist ash’ing on expensive Persian rug. The blurry ghosts of his mother and the kid brother who drowned in the pond all those years ago glaring at him from far-off corner. Clearing throat he launches into sing-song slander head peeling back cackling at his own wickedness. Vile and venomous but charming. Instead what we get is 30+ year old mentally-ill men. Men whose Twitter activity has atrophied their cock and balls. Genitals withering away like the Worker's State, in its place a gasping cloaca, worry not I can clock em from miles away. The odious cloaca-havers are soon joined by ruined drug-addled children and the other women. They talk about A&D in disgusting ways. This is unfair and nasty. I confess to being angry. Sweating blood-specked kerosene. Let the scent fill up the empty air between us. My wrath singeing those overgrown nose hairs.
Of the two I think Anna is the one that inspires the harshest parasocial spite. So much so that I’d recommend she take some protective measures against evil eye and tongue. Maybe take baths with hyssop herb, rose water perfume, and holy water.
It’s as if Anna Khachiyan is a Giant Floating Vagina with teeth and a noticeable overbite. Viewed from another angle it transforms into a Madonna encircled by cherubim. Perhaps we are cruel to Anna in order to be kind to our mothers.
All very pre-Oedipal.
Had to step back and parse it out. Anna draws a comparison between herself and Sailer while also asking him a great question,
07:12-07:49
Anna: “I started reading it during the pandemic because it was the pandemic. I was pregnant and bored and I really relate to you as a person who everyone thinks is like evil and monstrous on the internet, but is actually like quite agreeable and mild mannered in real life. And I was going to ask you this question last, but I may as well just ask it now. How do you feel about your new found popularity? And especially, how do you feel about the fact that you have been effectively adopted by or identified with the hard right?”
The first part of the above extract, the sympathetic recognition, brings to mind a bit of 20th century Hermetic theory concerning harmful thought-forms. Our unconscious self-destructive impulses animating the fantasy-phantasm of the other. Inhabiting their shape. Gaining a degree of autonomy. This artificial entity is vampiric by default, provoking what the Czech magician Franz Bardon calls a "magical persecutory complex"... He goes into detail about such entities in Step VI of his seminal work, Initiation into Hermetics. Describing different types of artificial elementals and phantasms along with details on how to consciously go about creating and dissipating them. One of those artificial psychic entities, the one that concerns us, he calls the schemata. Bardon details two variants, one connected with paranoid persecutory fantasies and the other with erotic obsession. The first type comes about when someone who is “easily excitable, easily influenced or self-important” (Narcissist?) has a run in with another person who has, to put it mildly, a memorable visage and dark personality. The schemata is born from the phantasm modeled after this demonic-looking disagreeable person. The victim begins to attribute all kinds of minor inconveniences to the influence of the ugly person. Deludes themselves into thinking that the ugly/disagreeable person is a powerful black magician. Everything appears to reinforce their paranoid delusions. The schema grows in power feeding off the anxieties of their creatohost. The person might end up committing suicide. This was the persecutory schemas desire, having achieved its goal Bardon notes, “how great is the shock when such a spirit realizes on the mental plane that he has committed a very successful magical suicide. What a bitter disappointment! The demonic looking person, however, has no idea what happened; he was actually only the means to an end.”
God gave us eyes so that we might notice things.
The way I see it:
Being social animals the subject of our fantasy, of our fixations, is the fantasy of the other. What makes the human Human is not that we desire but rather that we desire the desire of the other. An excess desire. We fantasize about what the other is fantasizing and enjoying. Our fantasy of the fantasy of the other is the outlines a fundamental lack within our person, a negativity. Experienced as a splitting of consciousness. Intuiting this lack, becoming aware of it, and attempting to articulate it, we are self-consciousness. This negativity or void is in psychoanalytic terms, the unconscious. We likewise intuit that there had once been some original state. One without lack and contradiction. A state of fullness, without the division between self and object. A harmonious whole. A pure consciousness or as Freud refers to it in Civilization and its Discontents an oceanic feeling. The Original Desire, one that is authentically my own, which was not the desire of the other but which unites our desires in itself. This desire is the extinction of all desires.
The eye that perceives the lovely is at once the eye that perceives what I lack. Perceiving this lack, which explains my present condition, I covet. This is an evil eye. The lover’s gaze is of the same type as the infirm or pathic gaze. Reminded of Zizek’s formulation of one of Hegel’s insights, “Evil resides in the very gaze which perceives Evil all around itself" itself a variation of Meister Eckhart’s “the eye through which I see God is the same eye through which God sees me.” The recognition of evil, the ability to see and judge evil, stems from our ability to recognize disparity. This disparity is already present within our own person, the split-consciousness. The feeling cognized, the awareness of our condition as beings separated from the whole. The clairvoyance of the tyrant and the philosopher.
Suppose that psychopathology is born from our inability to recognize an image as an image.
I intuit something more in this person, something they’re hiding. It can’t just be envy, no. It has to be because I can feel that this thing they’re hiding is sinister. It can’t just be that I feel animosity towards this person, no. It has to be because this person is evil and not just an isolated evil but rather a symptom of a much larger evil. An evil that is responsible for all the suffering in the World, for why my World isn’t the way it should be. It can’t just be attraction, no. It has to be that I intuit something more in this person, something hidden, that I must destroy in order to go on living.
If vile shit comes to mind (as vile things often do, especially when one is immersed in ambient algorithmically-summoned vileness, namely outrage and atrocity porn) they won't affirm it to themselves or try to justify or rationalize it or present it as a rational political stance. And they don’t abstract this particular form of vileness into the primary lens through which they view and interpret cultural phenomena. Unreflexive racial animosity is ugly and fetid. We’re capable of recognizing it, feeling it, as something pathological. We’re also capable of laughing at it. Laughing at ourselves. Look at what our ladies have to say about Stuart Seldowitz (the dude who went viral harassing a halal street vendor) in I’ll Be Missinger. “He sucks,” “he’s a loser,” “he’s obviously sick,” and that he gives the impression of someone who lives alone, will die alone, and will be found weeks or even months after the fact.
Perhaps Red Scare is special in how it manages to elicit absurd, wildly inappropriate responses from listeners. Vulgar and revelatory was it? Steve Sailer elicits a similar response and has become an expert in turning said absurd reactions to his advantage. Generally the cooler-head in any given exchange. While the other person shouts obscenities at a ghost, smashing fists against the post, looking crazy, like a proper hysteric. Sailer breaks the fourth-wall, making eye-contact with the would-be noticer, with a little shake of the head, a little chuckle, a little shrug… “you’re noticing right? See what I have to put up with? Imagine these people defining my legacy.” Still he seems to take it with the good humor of an uncle who will still call you on your birthday, despite your drunken outburst during holiday get-together he will admit to not having resisted the temptation to provoke you, it use to be fun, recall all the cool bands I introduced you too? We use to be best buds, “do you really think anything I’ve said merits this sort of response? Honestly?”
Has to be a cheap trick. A technique employed by an old trickster in decades long honing of craft. Maybe not. Maybe what we see is precisely what we get. Most of the very upsetting things being jokes sincerely intended to lighten the mood. Steve Sailer doesn’t care about the particular political orientation of his audience. He just cares that he has an audience. Grateful for the fans he has. Nonetheless happy that they’re not seething malcontent racists. Even if one disagrees with the methodology, the heuristic, the conclusions. That’s secondary, perhaps even tertiary to the recognition sought. His craftsmanship as a writer.
Why I loved his conflict with Will Stancil. Stancil inspired a lot of pondering for me. Putting things in place…
01:29:22-01:29:28
Anna: “You come for the race science and stay for the prose-styling and vivid story-telling.”
In trying to survive as a writer exiled from Mainstream Conservative media (ConInc) during the Bush Jr years. In fact, correct me if I’m wrong but the cancelation that actually impacted Steve Sailer, setting him down the path we find him in, was brought about not by blue-haired hall monitor millennial leftists but by his “fellow” Conservatives. I imagine that he just went with whoever was willing to take him adapting to the editorial standards and audience sensibilities of the publications willing to provide him succor. Not charity mind you but an ability to engage in his own little labor of love.
Read some Sailer. Might get into that later. But that’s the initial impression I got from Steve. Would be utterly mortified if memorialized as a Racialist Ideologue rather than as an entertaining and thought-provoking journalist. Think I also benefited from seeing how he’s actually received by people who are navigating through (or in certain cases, are mired in) the marginal “Hard Right”-spaces or the Rightwing Digital Ghetto. End up realizing that he isn’t hateful, that what you see is precisely what you get, that he privileges craft over ideology, that his reception and exile from Neocon dominated media outlets (remember these are the people gushing ecstatic over the US invasion of Iraq, manufacturing consent for our adventures in the Middle East) was exceedingly unfair but that he nonetheless managed to persevere. And that he really never goes beyond Norm McDonald in terms of his sardonic wit or The Boondocks animated series in terms of his criticisms. His normality is a great source of stability and comfort for his readers; “noticing” and speculating about these topics doesn’t necessarily lead to one becoming a seething racist.
Returning for a moment to Will Stancil, this was what he inspired:
As the last man standing I spend countless hours immersed in detailed fantasies about the coming apocalypse and my enemy's bliss. A dumb and wicked happiness proportional to my suffering. Easy to imagine other people happy. Hearts unbroken. Unburdened, hydrated, sexually satisfied, debt-free, lucky, successful in all business endeavors. Brute, jezebel, schemer, parasite, rival, betrayer... the whole lot of them thriving. Frolicking in my mind's eye. When the time comes I won't forget that they were happy while...others...suffered.
Find that trying to void your mind of all thought or sit perfectly still for 10 minutes. End up feeling like something requires much less energy from us than nothing. Causes coalescing. Conspiring, to what ends?
You see. The very same principle appears to be at work here. Same pathological base that undergirds genuine racial or ethnic animosity. Fantasizing about the other’s enjoyment and being unable to distinguish between the persecutory Phantasm and the actual human being whose shape it appropriates.
Had a friend recommend forgetting. Forgetting is a dialectical exercise, first you have to acknowledge the thing living rent free in your head and acknowledge its origins... then you have to take the steps to stop feeding it. Letting the thought-form dissolve. Let it be put to rest. Reminded of the practice Orthodox Christian contemplatives call Nepsis.
Other approaches as well, acknowledging the presence of anima veiled in shadow.
But listen…
The podcasts I consume, are a reflection of me as a person. Being what I associate and consume. What does it say about me in particular? Reveal about me? That they should have Steve Sailer on the pod. Settling down. Perhaps some responses could be understood in this light. That a Sailer episode reflects poorly on the listener. Constituting a great betrayal of the love and energy and time I have dedicated over the years to you.
I’m not a racist.
Show me your likes on Twitter and I’ll tell you who you are. The most punitive and brutal god. The idea of the AI nu-god being this, utilizing that standard, is horrifying. Show me your likes on Twitter and I’ll tell you who you are, everything you are, and whether or not you qualify to live.
Shamed, I quietly remove the upvote I gave to the hysterical person and the downvote I gave to him.
Hysteria like a yawn is an empathic contagion.
Back to Anna it’s not because she’s ugly and it sucks that she might nurse this delusion. I actually think Anna is really pretty. Rather I think it’s because she’s a mom. She registers as a maternal figure. That’s one of the reasons I think people respond to her the way they do. As stated earlier. We are cruel to Anna in order to forgive our moms.
[To be continued: Wherein I say horrible things that should never be said to the people I claim to love. Will also interrogate Sailor Socialism]

So I have a long history of addiction that Ive only broken free from last year around June. I’ve used heroin, various opiates, crack, ketamine, cannabis and alcohol all to detrimental levels over varying time spans but am now only taking an opiate substitute and don’t feel I’m in the addiction cycle.
However, following the breakdown of the most recent relationship I’ve been hit so so hard with the pain of it ending. I thought she was my person, the one woman who stood out from all others in ways it would take ages to explain. And now I’m in a state on continuous pain every single day for the past 6 months. I still talk to her either in my head or out loud going o er conversations I wish we’d had or rewriting those we did.
For anyone else out there with addiction issues, do you seem to find breakups harder than those you see around you? And does the pain of a separation feel similar to withdrawal from your drug of choice? I can’t help but feel that addicts have poorer coping strategies unless a long time sober, after all, we’ve spent so long fixing ourselves with external influences.

The EXTREMELY detailed, mega-anxiety edition!!! Major events like consult and surgery day are labeled like this:
——— EVENT TITLE ———
Surgeon was Dr. David Whitehead and I saw him on Long Island (New Hyde)
Summarized list of major dates:
Consult: July 19 2023 Mental health letter acquired: August 9 Dates discussed: September 12 Pre-op appointment: December 18 Surgery day: January 8 2024 Post-op: January 17
November 11th 2022: Emailed northwell health for the first time, they emailed back saying to call. I was too anxious so I avoided it for a few months.
Called northwell a few months later but got too anxious talking to the person who picked up. They were being normal and talking normally, it was just personal anxiety on my part.
October 2022 - Early March 2023: Spent time talking to trans friends and family members about their timelines and processes for top surgery.
Looked into Penn medicine for a bit but wasn’t happy with the surgeons there, specifically as a nonbinary person. The patient navigational team however is lovely.
March 2: emailed Penn health patient navigation
March 3-10: correspondence and phone calls w patient navigation (absolutely wonderful people, some of the easiest phone calls I’ve ever had) Got lots of into on surgeons, things I’d need, processes etc.
Date unknown: phone call to Penn medicine asking about surgeons and possibly setting up as a patient (v long wait time on phone) Surgeon I had heard good things about only works w CHOP program and I’m was too old for that program. Other surgeons I was v iffy on.
March 23rd: Back to square 1. Called northwell again to set up an appointment. Everyone I spoke to was really nice. Could have set up an appointment within the week but decided to wait till the end of the semester. Scheduled a trans care and primary care appointment for May
Couple of calls In between for confirmations. Trans care appointment got moved around a bit and ended up being moved to a phone call.
May 8th: Trans care call: Basic preliminary questions like: Emergency contact, what you’re looking for, are you thinking of looking into hormones, experience w dysphoria or dysmorphia, mental health, and eating/nutritional concerns, things you might want doc to know, piercings or tattoos, do you do any drugs or drink often, etc. total call time was about 20 minutes. Doctor was incredibly kind, I still experienced a good deal of anxiety but the call was super easy, welcoming, and friendly. Got sent contact referrals for the surgeons, as well as trans-friendly therapists under my insurance.
May 9th: started looking at list of therapists and making respective emails and calls. Checking per session costs and double checking insurance. Most charge 100-150 per session. Got in contact w one.
May 10th: Called w first therapist talking about what I’m looking for, where I am in this process, if parents are supportive, and talking about costs. She was very friendly and affirming, wants to have a few sessions to get to know me and my situation before writing a letter. Understandable and expected, but frustrating.
May 15th: Primary care appointment: Went to northwell health primary care, parkinglot was a little scary (just a large lot with a lot of cars) but everyone working there’s is super kind. Office is incredibly affirming, pride flags and lgbtq+ art everywhere. Gave my insurance card, filled out some paper work, got called in pretty quickly. I have a needle phobia and medical trauma so I was panicking a bit in the office, nurse was good w me about it and doctor was very kind, I just requested to not have any blood work done that day and that was totally fine, so I could schedule that at a later date and go w a friend. Recommended to get blood work done before scheduling a consult w a surgeon. Also prescribed me a single dose anxiety med for the bloodwork which I was very happy about. I found over time that the anxiety meds unfortunately do little to nothing for my panic attacks personally when it comes to needles but regardless having a doctor acknowledge and respect that fear and listen to me was incredibly helpful and reassuring.
May 30th: Got blood work done in a different lab, went w a friend. Scheduling for that is super easy, I think I did it online actually I don’t entirely recall. they do take walk ins but I made an appointment to minimize complications and make sure I could prepare properly. Front desk/lobby area was a little spooky, but I think that is mainly just bc of my social anxiety. They take a urine sample, you give them your prescription, eventually they call you over for blood work. Quick and easy, tech was v nice and having a friend with me was incredibly helpful. Probably the best I’ve ever done with a needle despite the fact that I did still panic and get very lightheaded lol.
Got blood work results back within the next couple days, all looks a-okay! Neat :)
June 15th This day was incredibly difficult. I had my first session with a therapist to establish some ground knowledge around my dysphoria and the way that I view myself. Top surgery is something that I know from research and related experience Can be difficult and expensive to get and can take time, so much of my prep work has been on the understanding of taking things a step at a time and just knowing that the current way things are doesn’t have to be forever. It allowed me to be able to live with myself while prioritizing my health better. This read to the therapist as “not having the level of dysphoria [she’s] come to expect and look for in someone who is trans” and was largely based off the fact that I don’t want to go on hrt. Past that point I started to break down because now my method of learning to live with myself felt like it was actively going to work against me and prevent me from getting top surgery. I’m not good at talking about my dysphoria, I can’t imagine it’s easy for anyone, especially to a stranger I just met. It was rough, and I felt incredibly mentally drained after ending the session.
June 19th Called it quits with the first therapist, I felt incredibly disrespected and the one session we had put me in a mental spiral for days. It can feel some times in this process like the people you have to get permission from need you to be severely depressed and unable to wait another second for this procedure just in order to take you seriously.
After I left that therapist, I immediately got back to the list to find someone new. Spoke to a new therapist via email, but my insurance is kinda weird (Blue Cross Blue Shield out of state) so its off putting to some people. This therapist recommended I go through the office she started out at (Heart and Soul Counseling)
————- Time Skip ——————
IM BACK its time for some record keeping. Got super overwhelmed and lost the energy to document my process for some time so here goes.
HEART AND SOUL COUNSELING: My experience w/ this therapy office was mostly good. The person in charge, Jesse, was absolutely lovely and responsive. Never spoke in person, but any text/email interaction was prompt, respectful, and kind. The office is stellar with email/text communication, so I only ever had to call them once when I was initially inquiring about the office. This is something I wish all therapy/counseling centers did better, eliminated a ton of my anxiety and hesitation to speak to therapists.
I got set up w someone as quickly as possible and established what my goal was (to acquire letter document for my surgery team). I attended multiple session w the therapist, she was a kind lady but the sessions were unfortunately p miserable for me. We didn’t fit well, but I was willing to stick it out rather than backtrack on my process. She also did not invalidate me or accuse me of not being trans which was a major step up from my first therapy experience. Once I acquired my letter I did stop therapy there, I kindly explained to the therapist that it wasn’t a good match, but I may honestly explore my options at the office in the future. Receptionist there was also lovely and they had a cool fish tank.
———- CONSULT STARTS HERE —————
July 19th: CONSULT!!! My mama and I went to Dr. David Whiteheads office for a consult. Parking was a nightmare so I’m super glad I didn’t have to drive for this one (ty mama). Consult went really well, and the staff were all super friendly. Dr. Whitehead is cool, very chill energy and a bit intimidating, but I’m scared of everyone so that’s nothing new. First question he asked me is what I wanted/what he could do for me which caught me more off guard than it should have? I didn’t realize going into this process how many times people ask you what you’re having done even if it’s already written down, because there’s so much variety in what you can look for in the results.
We talked about the procedure, went through a slideshow n stuff, and discussed how I wanted a flat chest w/ no nipple preservation. They made sure to specify that my mental health professional letter had to include that I did not want nipple preservation because thats technically a “non-standard” appearance. Also had the first breast exam I’ve ever had in my life. Can’t say i’m a fan (not that I need to worry about that anymore!) Took pictures n measurements n such, and also discussed recovery supplies and care w me and my mom.
August 9th: After a plethora of painfully awkward therapy sessions, a decent amount of crying, and a couple breakdowns in friends cars/backyards, I got my therapist letter and sent it to the surgeons office. It ended up needing minor revisions to which I contacted Jesse from Heart and Soul and he got me the revised letter immediately. Unfortunately the surgical coordinator was out of office for the rest of the month the next day ;w;. Is how it be.
September 12th: Got a call from Surgical coordinator mid-painting class that I stepped out to take. Started discussing surgical dates!! She was kind enough to email the dates to me which was lovely because I was absolutely shaking/mind blank haha. There was an option for January 8th which felt like an absolute miracle the way it would work with my school schedule. It would give me a solid two weeks recovery time before spring semester began. Because it would be a couple months out, I was asked to contact her in the second week of October to submit documents to insurance.
(Timeline note: earliest date offered was in early December)
October 10th: Documents sent to insurance, predetermination started
October 30th: Received mail from my insurance approving my procedure as medically necessary (YAY) But! This is also where things get,,, fun! Dr Whitehead’s surgical coordinator, Alyssa, is a blessing and was very helpful and prompt with me despite the fact that I had to email her pretty constantly during this general time which I still feel bad about.
Around this time, my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, which I reported to the surgical coordinator because it influences my family history (grandmother also had breast cancer). It was asked that I get genetic testing done because this could impact my surgical procedure. Now I’m handling the setup on this between helping my mom in her process setting up consults and considering her options because there of course is a lot of crossover to the steps I’ve already completed and am familiar with.
November 1st: Very kind person at cancer genetics calls me, sends me a family history questionnaire to fill out before I can be scheduled to see a genetic counselor. Filled out the questionnaire the same day.
November 8th: Called cancer genetics to check about scheduling, office was not open so left a message. Got a call back later in the day. I have a virtual appointment with a Genetic counselor Tuesday the 14th. Current plan is a mailed saliva genetic test but I’m going to ask if theres anything I can do to get results/materials quicker. If I can’t get results/feedback by December 8th my surgery date may get deferred.
Trying not to stress too much because there is little to nothing I can do about this, and I just don’t want to be sad. I’ve kept telling myself throughout this process to not get excited and not let myself believe anything is solid because something could happen at any time that might mess up my schedule or plan, and If I convince myself I’m in the clear, those changes will hurt a lot more. So far I think thats been a good move, because this really sucks.
My surgery date is still officially scheduled as of now as well as my first post-op. I will also ideally have pre-surgical testing done December 18th should I be cleared by genetics in time (Fingers crossed!)
ALSO! Def lean on friends if/when you can during this process. It can absolutely be challenging, and having a support system is incredibly important and helpful. I’m super lucky to have really lovely and supportive friends that are around to listen to me and send me pictures of stupid little animals.
November 9th: My mama is scheduled for her double mastectomy on December 4th
November 10th: Did some shopping with my mama for recovery supplies for double mastectomy/top surgery. Having watched a million and a half transition/top surgery videos and tiktoks and having read all the blogs and posts and tweets makes you a great support for someone suddenly faced with an upcoming double mastectomy! We might go shopping this weekend for some button ups and zip ups for her, clothes shopping is better done when you can try stuff on
November 14th: Meeting w genetic counselor: Victoria Webb, one of the loveliest medical care workers I’ve ever met. Had a virtual appointment with her to discuss and set up genetic testing. I explained to her about my situation w the proximity of my surgery and tight deadline as well as my willingness to do a blood test instead of a saliva kit to get results quicker. She was so incredibly kind and good with me, ended up being able to do a saliva kit and get results in time she deserves every good thing in life.
December 18th: pre-surgical testing: This was at the main hospital, everyone was really nice but I had a really bad panic attack despite being on Xanax.
The process is sort of like getting a physical. Measurements like weight and blood pressure get taken, lots of preliminary health questions. The people working with me were really kind and I was very open with them about my anxiety, it was visually apparent though anyway because I started crying the second we even started talking about the blood draw.
Once the equipment was actually brought into the room I started to panic. Both of the women working with me were really kind and helpful and tried to distract me and keep me talking the entire time, but I did still have a really horrible panic attack. Every muscle in my body locked up and I lost all my color, took a bit to get back to a spot where I could move and talk properly because my speech was affected too. It was a bit scary but funny to think about in post. Thanked the medical staff for being patient w me as always, a good portion of the anxiety is also guilt about making things harder for them. Got through it tho. Def eat before presurgical if allowed, I didn’t and that probably didn’t help!!
———- SURGERY DAY ————-
January 8th:
Ok so surgery day:
This day was very scary. Got my phone call the Friday prior for my surgery time which ended up being 1pm and I was asked to arrive around 11. Got there at 10 and went in at 10:30.
Called up to check in then in waiting room till someone brought me back to change. I told her right away about my anxiety with the iv bc that’s legit all I could think about. Got changed right after. I was generally shaky and a little disoriented the entire time because I was panicking but everyone was very patient with me. Clothes and belongings go in a bag in a locker and you get two gowns one that faces back and one that faces front. I was given underwear and a pad as well because lucky me I got my period a couple days before my surgery.
The pre-op area is a lot of little cubicles with curtain divider things, blue soft chairs, and medical equipment. Everyone I met and spoke to was very kind, but any time someone even suggested starting my iv I would panic. I was informed it would have to be placed in my hand and that terrified me, I’m especially anxious and sensitive about my hands and fingers. I think doctors and nurses tend to misunderstand exactly where my fear is with needles and ivs. It isn’t the pain that scares me, but the concept of veins and and anything being in them. Even writing this right now is horrible so I’m going to stop w any further detail. I spent the entire two-ish hours of pre-op absolutely terrified about this iv.
I wasn’t really keeping track of time but dr whitehead came in to do markings for surgery. They had cool rainbow socks on,big fan. Having your chest drawn on and just like, moved around n shit is such an experience. Felt bad because I kept losing my balance but doctor Whitehead is cool and I am 98% less scared about them now.
Probably my most favorite person I met during my entire hospital experience was the anesthesiologist. I know he told me what his name was but I couldn’t focus on or retain information at the time. He told me we could essentially put me to sleep with gas before putting the iv in and for the first time in probably a solid week I felt like I could calm down a little. He took a look at my hand and arm to check my veins which always does freak me out a bit but I’m more used to that kind of thing at this point and I know nothing bad is going to happen. One of the nurses came in with the iv equipment and he let her know that were going to wait till in the or which was also incredibly helpful because I absolutely panicked when I saw that little supply kit again.
V nice lady brought me into the or, I’d never been in one before it was cool. They had a little music speaker which was really cool. Took off blue jacket gown and they helped me onto the table. They put a warm blanket over my legs and my chest to help me calm down. Before long they gave me a mask w fun happy sleepy time gas, they let me keep my arms on my chest for a while which was really nice because I was still scared. I started getting loopy pretty fast but I still heard when someone mentioned where the iv equipment was and panicked a little because of that. I remember feeling them take my hand for that but never actually felt anything happen. Just some fear but the gas was v helpful obvi. Someone said they would see me in a little bit, and then I was groggily waking up in recovery.
Recovery was a little rough bc the iv was still there (fully wrapped up so I couldn’t see it though which was rad) but I was still really anxious about it until it was taken out and when it was taken out. For anyone that struggles w this i did not feel them remove it, just the tape. Everything was mentally much easier after that. After a while, going over instructions w parents, a cracker , some ginger ale and some juice, my dad helped me Get dressed and I was helped out to the car in a wheel chair. Ride was smooth bc of remaining numbness and meds except a few Bumps in the road
TOP SURGERY GOTTEN
My post op date was scheduled for Jan 17th and that’s the day I got my drains out followed by several post op check-ins. First week of recovery was miserable but things exponentially approved each day past that, and I went back to school in person two weeks post-op with driving and item-carrying assistance from friends!
Will upload recovery notes at a later date! Feel free to message me with any questions, more than happy to answer and give info! I’m a bit over four months out from surgery now and thriving 🥳

Long rant ahead, pretty disorganized as well as it was initially a reply on another post before I decided to make it its own post. Apologies!
As an Israeli, it's absolutely incredible to me how this conflict, which has nothing to do with the Westerners' public, takes up such a significant part of their lives. There are countless other significantly worse conflicts, tremendously worse global problems (climate change, the lingering effects of COVID, resources dwindling for humanity as a whole, pollution, etc.), the heaps of domestic issues (especially in the US) - and this far away conflict in a piece of land smaller than some major world cities is the biggest focus of some of these peoples' lives.
This isn't whataboutism, I'm not saying people can't take an interest with issue X just because there exists a worse issue Y. The point is the amount of time people are spending on this vs. other issues, even if we put aside the fact that they are all ignorant, completely misinformed useful idiots.
These "activists" are fully investing their time in this completely irrelevant issue to them. I was just visiting the US, and I passed by a virtue-signaling house in Seattle. It had it all - BLM, pride flag, and others. All worthy causes. But those were all small signs on the side of the house, but on the front was a gigantic Palestinian flag with a gigantic "free Palestine" slogan as well. Really?! This is the issue you're spending energy on and bringing the most awareness to? Not BLM, not LGBT, both of which are incredibly relevant to you and your country? Do black people, your actual fellow countrymen, no longer face racism? Do LGBT not get harassed or suffer violence?
And let's not forget another big elephant in the room - none of them speak up at all against antisemitism. So what, human rights activists, but Jews Don't Count? Hell, forget speaking up - many of them ENDORSE violence against Jews (and as we've seen from many of their protests, they're just violent in general). Unbelievable hypocrites, so it's "Palestinians are not Hamas" on the one hand, but every single Jew on the planet is complicit in whatever blood libel you've concocted?
Like with Jews in general, their hatred of every single Israeli alive is also massively hypocritical and obviously vile and wrong. I've not seen a single people alive receive as much hate as we do purely based on our nationality. Even those other nations that experience such hate online, it'd usually be isolated to receiving it from whatever nation they are in conflict with. Are Russian immigrants expected to give answers about the war? Do Chinese immigrants get hate for their government's actions? And so on.
I'm 35 years old and a computer nerd, and pretty much since I can remember myself, I would receive hate and contempt online just for mentioning I'm Israeli. Whenever we would take a trip abroad, my parents would make sure to tell us to always say we're from some other country if asked. Do you have any idea what an impact this has on a kid, growing up knowing he needs to be afraid to mention where he is? How difficult it was to understand why people might harm us when I'm just a kid, never did anything to anyone in my short life?
The amount of propaganda out there is just astonishing. It is mostly driven by Iran, Russia, and Qatar. It is extremely hard to fight this with such a small country as Israel, especially when our PR is disastrous and more often than not, it's regular people who do the job instead of officials. And Westerners eat it up, as well as apply their local race politics (mostly Americans) to the conflict when it has nothing to do with it, not to mention how they're completely unaware that even if it was relevant, the majority of Israelis are Mizrahi Jews, "brown" as Americans love to say, and on the flip side a sizeable amount of Palestinians are white skinned themselves, hell a lot of Levantines are like Syrians and Lebanese. Druze are basically 100% levantine and are pretty white skinned. Anyway, yeah, skin color has nothing to do with it, which is probably head error-inducing for Americans used to making it all about race.
It's depressing. And it honestly seems hopeless to battle it, we can't stand up to the incredible propaganda machine working against us constantly. Couple it with people generally prone to fall for populist rubbish and be ignorant in general, it's a losing battle.

For the past few years, I've been on a wild ride, starting (and successfully running) 8 different businesses. Along the way, I've devoured countless books, experimented like crazy, and even cracked the $1.5 million yearly revenue mark. Not too shabby, right?
But the most valuable lessons haven't come from textbooks - it's the trenches, the hustle, the real-world experience that truly equips you. That's why I'm here - to share the no-BS knowledge I've gained to help you start your business and avoid the pitfalls I stumbled into.
TL;DR: If you’ve got your business plan ready, and are ready to officially launch your business, Tailor Brands can help you with business registration, branding, and getting your website up and running.

Step 1 - Pick a Business Idea

Let's ditch the "follow your passion" cliche for a sec. Sure, loving what you do is important, but a successful business also needs two ingredients: profitability, and skills.
Think about it: being passionate about music is awesome, but if singing isn't your forte, building a music career might be tough. Same goes for that handmade soap dream in a town saturated with sudsy shops. Competition is fierce, so replicating what others already do is a challenge.
Finding Your Business Niche:

• What are your passions and pet peeves? Can you create a solution that makes life easier for people who share your frustrations?
• What are you naturally good at? What do people seek your advice on?
• Imagine a 5-minute speech on any topic. What would you talk about?
• What have you always wanted to do but lacked the resources?

These can all lead to a golden business concept. Even if you have a starting point, these questions can help you refine and solidify it. Remember, your idea doesn't have to revolutionize the world. Improving on existing products or creating digital products with minimal overhead are great options too!
Choosing Your Business Model:
Before diving in, consider these factors:

• Funding: How much dough do you have to invest?
• Time Commitment: Can you be a full-time entrepreneur, or will this be a side hustle?
• Work Location: Do you dream of a home office, or is a dedicated workspace your jam?
• Interests and Skills: What sparks your passion and what are you naturally good at?
• Scalability: Do you want a slow and steady growth, or an explosive launch?
• Support System: Who's got your back as you launch your venture?
• Partnerships: Are you a lone wolf, or a team player?
• Franchise Opportunities: Does a pre-established system appeal to you?

Step 2 - Research the Market

If the market research says your product is everywhere, you gotta niche down. Take cleaning services for example. Forget general cleaning - maybe you specialize in pet messes or tackling garage nightmares. See where I'm going?

Step 3 - Get your Business Plan Ready

Having a business plan shows you've got a thought-out strategy, not a guessing game. Planning helps you spot potential problems before you invest a ton of time and money. And it can help you track your progress and make sure you're on the right path.
What to Include:

• Executive Summary
• Company Description
• Market Analysis
• Organization & Structure
• Mission & Goals
• Products or Services
• Marketing Plan
• Financial Plan

It doesn’t have to be a 50-page book. Just having these important sections defined will give you a great business plan.

Step 4 - Choose Your Business Structure

Choosing a business structure depends on how much paperwork you want to deal with, how much personal liability you want to risk, and how you plan to grow your business.
Here's a quick breakdown:

• LLC: Easy to set up, limited liability protection, but more paperwork than a sole proprietorship.
• LLP: Similar to LLC but for licensed professionals, easy to form, limited liability protection, but partners are liable for malpractice.
• Sole Proprietorship: Easiest to form, full control, but owner is personally liable for all debts.
• Corporation: Limited liability protection, complex to set up, double taxation (can be a plus in some situations).

Services like Tailor Brands or Northwest Registered Agent will do a great job to get your business registered officially.

Step 5 - Register Your Business and Get Licenses

• Pick a Business Name: Make it catchy and unique, and check for domain name and trademark availability.
• Register Your Business & Get an EIN: File with your state and get a registered agent. You'll also need an EIN (Employer Identification Number) from the IRS for most businesses.
• Licenses & Permits: Research the licenses and permits required for your specific industry and location. This might involve your local government or an attorney.

Step 6 - Plan Out Financials

• Bank Account: Open a separate account for your business to keep finances organized.
• Bookkeeping: Decide on software or hire a bookkeeper to track income, expenses, and generate reports.
• Break-Even Point: Figure out how many sales you need to cover your costs (fixed costs + variable costs).

That’s about it. I could go more in-depth with scaling and growing your business but let’s leave that for another day. Before I end this post, I just want to add some personal tips that I’ve learned the hard way.
Focus on your strengths and delegate the rest. You can't be an expert in everything, so find reliable freelancers or agencies to handle tasks outside your skillset. This will free up your time to focus on what you do best and avoid burnout.
Embrace the launch and learn as you go. Don't wait until everything is perfect before you start. Launch your business and iterate based on customer feedback. The most valuable lessons often come from making mistakes and adapting.
Outsource for efficiency and expertise. Find trusted partners to handle tasks like accounting, marketing, and content creation. This allows you to access specialized skills without the overhead of hiring full-time employees.
Aim for premium value. Consider setting higher prices in your market. This can lead to better profit margins and a more manageable client base, as high-value clients often require less hand-holding.
Pay yourself first. Don't wait for the "right time" to take a salary. Make your business profitable from the start and ensure you're financially rewarded for your efforts.
Build a sustainable business. Prioritize creating a system that doesn't require excessive working hours. Your business should support your lifestyle, not the other way around.

Hello everyone! I am looking for a heterosexual LTR, without kids involved, ever!
Some things about me:

• 33 yo guy in Belgium
• 5'7 (170cm), medium build
• Non smoker, non drug user, I drink socially
• Bit of a nerd:
  • I love miniature modelling and painting
  • I enjoy the occasional PC game and miniature/boardgame
  • I am a big sci-fi, horror and fantasy fan. RIP THÉODEN KING
  • I am fascinated by science and how things work
• I like to stay active: hikes are fun, so is climbing and just going out and doing stuff
• Big fan of rock, hardrock and metal music. Can't wait for the festival season to start :D
• Dark sense of humor, like really dark

I am looking for the following:

• 100000% childfree relationship.
• Friends are welcome but mainly looking for a heterosexual and monogamous LTR relationship with you being in Belgium / Europe. I am willing to travel to meet up but keep in mind that I do not ever plan to move out of the country permanently.
• I am looking for someone that is preferrably between 27 and 36 years old, but this isn't a dealbreaker for me.
• I am a loving, caring and loyal person. These are also the traits I look for in a partner.

Feel free to DM me; If you send me a pic I will send you mine. There's no rush though!

Hello everybody!
This is my cautionary tale and potential advice!
As you are probably aware, women on the spectrum are more likely to have eating disorders. Moreover we are more likely to not get sufficient or direct instructions from our doctors regarding our medical care. Below is my story on how that hurt my health and wellbeing.
Since I was a child I was a picky eater, with limited food I would accept and not a big apetite. I was also a very thin person, could not put on any weight no matter what I tried. I remember first learning what anemia is when I was 9 or 10. I struggled with my blood for years after that, despite diets and supplements. At some point I accepted that this is just what my body is like and I will be forever underweight and anemic.
Suddenly in high school I learned I developed lactose intolerance. I was devastated because diary was one of my go-to foods and a main breakfast food (either cereal or cheese sandwitch/toast). It was near impossible at that time to find any lactose-free products where I live and so my diet had to drastically change. Overnight I stopped my usual breakfast and went lactose free. That alone was a big issue but then suddenly I developped unusual headaches, dizzyness and chills.
My parents (with a history of dismissal of my health concerns) thought I am pretending to skip school. Luckily I was over 16 and scheduled my own doctor visit behind their back. Before the visit [warning: gross] I had an unexpected toilet visit with green feces. I was surprised but put it down to eating something green and not noticing. Doctor sent me for blood tests and included iron levels knowing my anemia history and worrying I have dangerously low iron levels again. Surprise surprise, my iron levels were through the roof. Turns out you can poison yourself with iron supplements. Doctor was surprised, ordered me off of any iron supplements I was taking.
I only learned years later (in university course on farmacotherapy) that drinking milk with iron pills significantly decreses their effectivness. Suddenly it all made sense. It even explained why I got worse again once lactose-free products became available (but not as bad as before).
Since then I learned that there is a lot of different interactions with medication and food you consume around the time of taking your drugs. Make sure to check grapefruit interactions if you're on antyhistamines, xanax or others, and check for St. John's Wort if you're on antidepressants.
TL:DR I overdosed on iron supplements because I stopped drinking milk everyday.

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Reddit Account: u/Thenn_Applicant
Discord Tag: Garin
Name and House: Dorian Merryweather
Age: 49
Cultural Group: Reachman
Appearance: Dorian's chestnut brown hair has been greying for quite a while, however is short beard retains more color, including a few stray red hairs peppered throughout it. While his features have softened and gained some pudge as he aged past his prime, he remains in overall good shape. This is partly due to his great love of gardening and crop cultivation, which have left his hands and nails rather rough.
Trait: Numerate
Skills: Avaricious (e), Architect, Administrator, Investor
Talents: Language (High Valyrian) Cooking, Gardening
Negative Trait: N/A
Starting Title: Lord of Longtable
Starting Location: Opening Event
Biography:
It has been said; men grow tired of sleep, love, singing and dancing, sooner than war. As such, it begs the question, what does a man have left when he finally tires of war? In pursuit of an answer, of any answer, one half of Dorian Merryweather’s life was spent. He was the second son of Lord Arthor Merryweather of Longtable. Like many others born in a place of natural abundance, he longed for more, for something greater than a mere provincial estate. The tourneys of Highgarden, the hunts of Horn Hill and the books of Oldtown all called to him, and so he could never ride past his father’s mild and verdant fields fast enough. Dorian counted himself lucky not to be the heir, for that meant he could pick where his future lay, unchained from the uninspiring home of his childhood. Instead it was his older brother, Bennard, who envied his free-flying lifestyle, contriving any excuse to join him on his escapades and agurk lessons and ceremonies he ought to have attended.
Lord Arthor was fairly permissive of this deriliction of duties, as the friendships forced on such journeys were worth more than lessons that could be repeated later, or tasks that could be handed off to lowborn stewards. The boys attended tourneys, balls, hunts and feasts, living the life the bards extolled as the height of reachman’s chivalry. The one time they did not shirk their duties was when their father had the honor of hosting King Mern and his court for a tourney on the Warrior’s day. The Merryweather sons would present the king and his family with silver bowls of dilligrout, a most exquisite stew of capons, white wine and almond milk. They had the joy of tasting it once the Gardeners had their fill, a taste they would never forget. On the tournament field three days later, Mern knighted them both, though Dorian was only sixteen at the time, green as a knight could ever be.
Five years later, as news of Aegon Targaryen and his early conquests spread, the lords of the Reach were summoned to Goldengrove, where they found a veritable forest of Westermen’s banners being planted beside their own. The fall of the Storm Kings had led to a whirlwind of diplomacy between the houses of Gardener and Lannister. The plan was presented to the lords with the two kings sitting beside one another on the dais as though they were brothers. They held up Aegon’s letter of demands, scornfully reading it aloud and then proceeded to tear it up to a roaring acclamation from the hall. Standing there before the hall, Mern could hardly be called the Warrior incarnate. There stood a man well past his prime, old enough to be a grandfather and with no great victories to his name, in battle or on the tourney field. All the same, this man, whom they called their king, always seemed to know exactly what to say to win someone over. If he’d declared war on hell itself that evening, the Merryweather brothers would probably still have marched off with him when the next morning dawned. Bennard and Dorian shouted as loud as anyone, death to the foreign upstart. That evening were betrothed to westerwomen they’d never met before, made plans for a real battle, which they had never fought in before, and drank, ate and sang as though the night would last forever. House Merryweather was not able to secure a command, yet King Mern remembered his stay at Longtable fondly. He gave Bennard and Dorian a place in the vanguard, and even adorned Bennard with a brooch of the order of the green hand the morning before the army Goldengrove, a momentous honor which Bennard would cherish for the remainder of his days. He did not have many left, as it turned out. The Field of Fire began like a dream, as the two brothers rode off at the break of dawn, two out of five thousand sets of gleaming armor atop proud warhorses. By the end of the day it had become a nightmare. Caught up in the maelstrom of battle, Dorian did not see the moment when their loss was assured, but the Gods know he could hear it, the creeping, hungry flames that descended on the reachmen like an army of its own. As hundreds were broiled inside their steel plate and thousands more choked on the inferno’s horrible vanguard of black smoke, Bennard and Dorian broke and fled. They were not far behind the retreating Loren Lannister in their escape, but half a minute made all the difference. The lines of fire fanned out, hunting more living things to devour, and engulfed the two brothers. Dorian could feel how the flames spread from his surcoat to his undershirt, all the way down to the hairs on his chest, beginning to sear his skin. In a desperate act he threw himself in the Blackwater, and would have perished if not for the shoddy work of his squire that morning, which left him able to tear off his plate before he could sink. With bloodied, burn-marked fingers, he clung to the roots of a tree by the riverside, water up to his chest. He was retrieved after some time, how long he could not say. For the next two moons his mind was adrift, distracted from his pains by milk of the poppy. The next two were far worse, as he grew more lucid and realized the extent of the damage. A burn-mark stretched from his right thigh, all the way up his chest and left bicep to the apple of his neck. Many times over, flakes of dead or dying skin had to be peeled off by the maester as the scabs kept bursting with blood and clear liquid. By the end of that year he was able to walk again, though the burn mark would leave a feverish red mark across the front of his body, his new skin settling into twisted lines.
Bennard was far worse for wear, alive yet burned all the way to his face and crippled from a fall off his horse. His nose and ear-lobes had to be cut off, too burned to save, and even his eyelids were permanently scarred, unable to sprout new lashes. The more lucid Bennard became, the deeper his sorrow. Eventually he began refusing food. The new lord of Longtable would not eat anything his cooks set in front of him. In spite of his ever present pains, Dorian began going to the kitchens, reprimanding the cooks for their failings. He knew his brother well and knew his palette, and began ordering them to make his brother’s favorites. When he felt they were making mistakes, he interrupted their work himself. He was a stranger to the kitchen, yet would criticize how things were cut too roughly, spiced too little or too much. He was a terror to the cooks, yet they could not refuse him.
His attempts to intervene were however hampered by a newfound aversion to heat. The sound of the hearth, of boiling and searing, the general sense of warmth around him made him nauseous and caused his movements to seize up. Still, he went to his brother’s bedside every day, and afterwards he forced himself back to the kitchens. His sister, Lydia, tried to stop him at first, but soon found her protes fell on deaf ears, and so joined him, if only to leash him in when he went too far. Finally, there was only one dish they hadn’t tried; the dilligrout they’d once served to the late King Mern. Every time it was made, it came out wrong. It soon turned out the cook who had served them that evening six years ago had since retired, and his exact method had never been recorded or taught to anyone else. Dorian would first invite the man to Longtable, then summon him with armed knights when invitations were refused.
Theomar, the man who appeared before him, was a sorry sight, looking frightened and confused as he was taken to his old workplace. It was explained by his sons that he’d been growing senile even six years ago, often snapping at the kitchen maids under him when his memory failed him. Since then he’d gotten worse, seldom eating, let alone cooking. Something in the old man’s eyes did seem to brighten for a moment when the sounds and smells of his old kitchen surrounded him, and Dorian ordered him to make dilligrout. Before long that faint spark had been drowned out by tears. He would start boiling capon or crushing almonds, only to leave the job half-done whenever he had to fetch something new. Serving maids were put at his disposal to bring him ingredients, yet an ingredient ordered would be met with a reprimand as he seemed to forget which dish he was making every few minutes. Finally Dorian snapped at the man, grabbing him by his collar and shouting accusations of treason against House Merryweather. By the time Lydia could restrain him and try to apologize, the man was a wreck on the floor. After watching it for a while, waiting for the man to get up and continue his work, even Dorian was overcome by pity and shame for what he’d done. The old cook was praying to the gods, begging forgiveness for his failings. Dorian began to realize he’d broken a great man down and would himself beg forgiveness. He offered the man his old cook’s quarters back for the rest of his life, and promised his sons that his maester would tend to the man in his old age, that he would be fed from Longtable’s stores.
At this point, he resolved to make the dilligrout himself. Through it all, Bennard was barely clinging to life, or rather being tethered to it by the will of others. He could only be fed when drugged down by the milk of the poppy, and the more often it was used, the less effective it became. Every day Dorian braved the kitchens, yet he could not recreate the flavor of that wonderful night. It was by the grace of the gods, perhaps with Theomar as their vessel, that Dorian would even come close. The old man could no longer cook, but over time he began to wander into the kitchens and sit down on a chair. At first Dorian thought the man only sought the warmth of the hearth for his weary bones, yet he discovered it to be more than that. Theomar’s eyes were like clouded glass, yet they brightened every now and then, hearing almonds being ground, smelling capons searing in fat, as though it was stirring the kitchenmaster of yore back to life. Eventually Dorian began to walk up to the old cook with his ingredients, bidding him to smell or taste small portions. Sometimes he got simple instructions out of it, ‘too coarse’, ‘too sour’, ‘underdone’. Som times a mere nod or frown was all Theomar managed. Over the course of a couple of days, Dorian put together one final attempt to get the dish made rightWhen he arrived in Bennard’s chamber, he was met with a look which brought forth discomfort that no flame could produce in Dorian. Plainly, raspingly, his brother asked him why he wouldn’t let him die. It was easy, Bennard reasoned. All Dorian needed to do was wait and become lord. The words almost made Dorian throw the dilligrout on the floor. Almost. He placed two bowls on Bennard’s table, the dilligrout and one brimming with milk of the poppy. Dorian told his brother to make his choice. If he sought death, Dorian would let him, but he would not hear that it was an easy thing, watching his brother die. That evening, the milk of the poppy was carried away by the maester, the empty bowl of stew taken to be washed in the kitchens. From then on, Bennard ate what his brother brought him without complaint. He lasted just into the new year, dying on its tenth day. In the predawn gloom of the twelfth, Theomar died in his sleep
Dorian took up his lordly task joylessly. His old wanderlust returned, spurred by the horrible memories that now stained Longtable and the reach itself in his mind. The final straw came when their new Tyrell overlords, insisted on him marrying a lady from a dornish house. His previous betrothal had fallen through, as the parents of his western bride had not wished to draw the ire of the Targaryens by maintaining an old alliance meant to oppose them. Instead of obliging, he boarded a ship from Oldtown going east. It stopped only briefly in Planky Town before going to Tyrosh. Noting him to be a nobleman, a few of the city’s wealthy men would host him for a while, though they quickly lost interest when his lack of knowledge of trade became apparent. After that, he spent time in the markets and squares where the common people lived. His old curiosity was piqued, and he decided to embark on a quest of learning, fashioning himself another Lomas Longstrider. He moved on to Myr, and the experience was much the same in broad strokes, a few rich men showed interest and quickly lost it. As he’d visited the dye markets he went to see the city’s famous artisans at work. One thing was notably different, he met a Tyroshi woman with green-dyed hair, going by the name Maryah. She was a trader, and the two had taken the same ship to Myr. She had been to Myr before and showed him many of its secrets. They spent an entire day in one of the vast delicacy markets so she could show him the many tastes of the city. Having no plans in advance, he asked where she was headed next.
Without a second thought he would join her on a journey to Lys. He soon understood it to be a test. It was not long before she teased him, speculating he’d only joined her for a chance to see the famous pleasure houses. Evening after evening they stayed in the city and Maryah would tease and test him over the matter. Finally he told her he’d renounce his betrothal for her, that there was no one else in his eye. She laughed, replying he would not have to. The next morning, Dorian awoke to find that she was already up, the green washed from her black curls. Maryah had in fact been Joanna Dayne, his dornish bride to be, having traveled the same route as him ever since his ship stopped at Planky Town to refill its food and water. She was already quite familiar with the three closest free cities, having served as a dornish envoy on behalf of its spice traders. As they planned their return to Westeros, Joanna asked him what else in the world he wanted to see. Within a few moons of being wed, they left Westeros, not to return for three years.The journey was what his mind needed, away from the Reach, its knights and tapestries, hunts and tourneys. Ultimately, the lords and knights of his homeland, for all their songs and poetry, lived every day in preparation for war, frivolous though the preparations were. Joanna showed him a different world, the remnants of Old Valyria. War was to be sure inescapable. Wherever they went, there were soldiers, tapestries, contests of arms, and yet the cities housed something else as well, a boundless potential for creation, commerce and growth.
Thanks to Joanna Dayne’s knowledge their stays became far better planned, and they could enjoy the hospitality of wealthy locals far longer. She knew how to talk about the spice trade and similar matters, and Dorian began to pick up on it. On their second stay in Myr, he procured a great deal of fine parchment and began taking notes, everything from negotiation tactics and the prices of cloves or red peppers to court customs, as well as more eclectic pieces of knowledge, details of running an eastern estate, descriptions of technological marvels he had never seen in Westeros, and ingredients in the local food. By the time they neared Qarth he had quite the list of recipes, among other things. There he was even able to learn a few all the way from Yi Ti, as some local cooks catered to merchants from the Golden Empire. On their journey home they’d end up taking the opportunity to see the newly made port of King’s Landing. By that time, a third member had joined their journey, their infant daughter Florys. Having left Longtable in the care of his sister and steward for three years, Dorian finally accepted the responsibility of running his ancestral home.
Longtable was considered to rule over some of the best lands in the Reach, ideally situated along the river with abundant soil which could provide two grain harvests in a year. Having seen the estates which supplied the great cities of the east, Dorian was all too aware of its comparative shortcomings. He found that the abundance of the land had a counterproductive effect, breeding complacency and carelessness. From his grandiose tour of the east, he went on a painstaking tour of his own lands, trying to get an overview of everything he ruled over. He paid the citadel a fee to send him half a dozen maesters in training for a season. These young men, literate and numerate, would serve his own maester in conducting a survey of the land, giving Dorian account of all resources at his disposal as lord. The results were quite varied.
Some peasants were found to have remarkable agricultural insights which they had no way of writing down, entirely reliant on passing the knowledge to their children. Knowing the risks of such a method of transferring knowledge, Dorian ordered such insights recorded. In other places there were farmers and communities who were unwittingly exhausting their soil. Instances of lack of fallow land, excessive grazing by cows and lack of crop rotation were also made note of, followed by edicts against such heedless practices. Septons, sheriffs and tax collectors were given written copies and were obliged to read them to the peasantry wherever it was deemed necessary. It also became part of the obligations of farmers to plant a set amount of clover in their fields and pastures, a practice some had taken up on their own but which had already become a standardized law among the estates belonging to Myr and Volantis. Irrigation was expanded and land inheritance was reformed to prevent the splitting of fields past a certain threshold.
Lord Dorian was not always successful. Some eastern ideas had been useful innovations which improved conditions across the board. In time he learned that the peculiarities of the westerosi system were sometimes necessary for the sake of stability, not merely the misshapen fruits of ignorance. His attempt to enclose part of the common lands proved abortive, as it nearly caused a peasant rebellion. A procession of aggrieved smallfolk headed for Longtable had to be dispersed by knights, armed with wooden clubs to prevent needless bloodshed.Two men were hanged and five sent to the wall, but the reform was thereafter abandoned, leading the populace to calm down. Dorian was not much of a military leader and had not wielded weapons since the Field of Fire. He became aware of his need to bolster his forces, a notion reinforced by the establishment of the Black Roses not long after his return, and again with the Kingswood Catastrophe
In the meantime, he and Joanna raised a family together. Three more daughters would be born healthy, with a couple of miscarriages and a stillbirth in between, also a daughter. Their travels did not entirely come to an end. In 13 AC they would tour the northern free cities of Norvos, Qohor, Pentos, Braavos and Lorath, which they had missed on their original journey. The lion’s share of 17 AC was spent on a journey to the Summer Islands. At other times they would make shorter journeys around the Seven Kingdoms, where they felt more secure in bringing their older children along. Whether it was visiting Joanna’s family in Dorne, tourneys and feasts in the Reach and West or even one trip to see the wall, a nameday wish by Florys, they were often on the move. Like most of their peers, they frequented Oldtown and Highgarden
The growing rift between the two queens and their children was a situation Dorian would watch with dread in his heart, remembering keenly how a generation of young men had been brought to the field of fire. To his mind, the Targaryen rule ought not go to waste. Like Valyria of old, it had begun with fire and blood, yet similarly peace and prosperity had followed in its wake. If only the dragons could stand united, perhaps another long peace like the one the Freehold once enjoyed could again be established. If not, another century of blood was upon them. Under Dorian, Longtable became a place where he sought to bring together people from across the kingdoms and forge unity over the dinner table, an attitude which somewhat vexed and confounded his more militaristic daughter and heiress, Lady Florys. Even amid her questioning of the viability of his peaceful ways when surrounded by those who would make war, a terrible sight would steel his resolve, watching the Mander burning green, every bit as terrible as the flames from twenty one years prior. That night he made a simple vow, never again.
The League of the Cornucopia, he would name his little group, a gallery of lords and ladies whose acquaintances he’d made over the years. With these fellow gourmets he would share the culinary knowledge he’d gleaned from his journeys in the east and west. Most unusual for a lord of his rank, Dorian came to spend a great deal of time in his kitchens, testing out recipes himself. On occasion, the dishes he served to his guests for these small, intimate gatherings would be the work of his own hands. The membership did vary from time to time, both based on who could make it and who he sought to bring together. Rather than a fully closed circle, the League is more like a form of feasting, only it’s done for a much smaller crowd, without the public spectacle. Such occasions allowed for more refined foods which did not need to be served to hundreds and kept constantly warm over the course of hours like some common tavern stew. It also opened up an arena of more intimate diplomacy and negotiation for those who sought it, hosted on neutral ground by a lordly mediator, free from prying eyes.
Timeline:
25BC: Dorian is born, second in line to Longtable
24BC: His sister Lydia is born
9BC: House Merryweather hosts House Gardener for a tourney and feast. Dorian and his older brother Bennard serve the dish of honor to King Mern Gardener and his family. During the subsequent tourney, Mern knights both boys, despite their inexperience and lack of victory in the tourney
9BC-2BC: Dorian spends much time travelling the reach, attending events
1BC: Dorian and Bennard fight in the vanguard at the Field of Fire. Both are burned, Bennard far more severely than Dorian. Lord Merryweather is killed. Traumatized by the battle and his new maimed body, Bennard starts refusing food. Dorian desperately tries to re-create the dish they served King Mern eight years ago. The cook who made it has since gone senile, but eventually manages to help Dorian re-create it. He is given a place at court as apology for his mistreatment at Dorian's hands before this occurred.
1AC: Lord Bennard dies at the beginning of the year, leaving Dorian as lord of Longtable. His sister Lydia fulfills her betrothal to House Tarly, becoming lady of Horn Hill. At the prospect of marrying a Dornishwoman on the King's orders, Dorian decides to leave Westeros to put off his marriage. In Myr, he meets a woman calling herself Maryah, claiming to be a Tyroshi merchant. They fall in love and travel to Lys together. There Dorian promises to set aside his betrothal for her, whereupon she reveals herself as Joanna Dayne, his dornish betrothed.
1AC-4AC: Dorian and Joanna wed at Longtable, then depart on a new journey of the east. They reach as far as Qarth before turning back home. In 3AC, on the way back, their first child, Florys, is born while the couple are in Volantis, on the way home. They return via the newly built port of King's Landing.
4AC-8AC: Using knowledge from the east, Lord Dorian embarks on a project of rationalizing the agriculture of Longtable
5AC: Dorian and Joanna have their second child, a girl named Ellyn
8AC: Their third daughter, Desmera, is born
13AC: Dorian and Joanna spend a year travelling the northern free cities
14AC: Their fourth and final daughter, Gwin, is born
17AC: Dorian and Joanna undertake a journey to the Summer Islands with their children
23AC: The aftermath of the battle of Stonebridge brings back memories of the Field of Fire, as the Merryweathers watch burning slag run down the Mander
25AC: The Merryweathers travel to the celebration of the maturity of Aegon's sons
Family Tree:
Arthor Merryweather (father, d.1BC)
Cerelle Merryweather (pending family connection) (mother, d.20AC)
Bennard Merryweather (brother, d.1AC)
Lydia Merryweather (sister, b.24BC)
Glendon Merryweather (uncle, d.1BC)
Myrcella Pommingham (aunt, d.22AC)
Leo Merryweather (cousin, b.13AC)
Joanna Dayne (wife, b.26AC)
Florys Merryweather (daughter, b.3AC)
Ellyn Merryweather (daughter, b.5AC)
Desmera Merryweather (daughter, b.8AC)
Gwin Merryweather (daughter, b.13AC)
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Auxiliary Character:
Name and House: Florys Merryweather
Age: 23
Cultural Group: Reachman
Appearance: [A short, muscular woman with wavy black hair, normally worn in a bun. She has high cheekbones and a proud demeanor. Her rigid strength stands in contrast to the more relaxed nature of the Merryweather court, one she finds overly lax and casual](0_0.png (896×1344) (discordapp.com))
Trait: Hale
Skills: Swords (e), Essosi Blademaster
Talents: Dancing, Fishing, Cooking
Negative Traits: N/A
Starting Title: Heir to Longtable
Starting Location: Opening Event
Timeline:
3AC: Florys is born in Volantis, while her parents are on their way home from Essos
10AC: Florys starts training under Saathos Trevelyan, her father's Master at Arms
13 AC: She joins her parents on a tour of Pentos, Braavos, Norvos and Qohor
17AC: She travels with her parents to the Summer Islands
19AC-23AC: As she comes of age, Florys becomes more critical of her father's desire for peace, viewing it as increasingly far-fetched amid the increasingly controversial regency and the impending succession dispute. She resolves to make the kinds of connections her father seems unwilling to, in case of war
25AC: She accompanies her family to the celebrations
NPCS:
Ser Leo Merryweather (Age: 37, Archetype: Magnate) Lord Merryweather's first cousin, he has become an indispensable agent in the daily running of Longtable. Despite his foppish demeanor and aparent laziness, he is highly capable and loyal in his task of increasing his family's fortune. He remains happily unwed
Saathos Tevelyan: (Age:48, Archetype: Master at Arms) The son of a Lysene father and a Myrish mother, Saathos initially sought a career in amongst Myr's military officers, however his family's relatively low status proved an impediment to further promotion, later compounded by a dispute with a superior. He met Lord Merryweather in 3AC and eventually travelled West to offer his services five years later, finding his career progress stonewalled in his home city. Well into middle age, he still looks firm and imposing as profesisonal a soldier ought to

My most recent psychosis occurred due to a number of underlying reasons that I was dealing with over a 6-8 week period and was mostly delusional.
The lead up to it - I had just finished the largest engineering project that I had been working on for two years,. My wife and I were having a very difficult and stressful time, with disagreements all the time.
My body was yelling and screaming for help and I could feel it from deep down inside me. I went to see doctors and psychologists but it didn't do it for me.. A childhood friend then passed away and that tipped me over.. All of a sudden I was placing myself in my friends place and I had all these questions that I had for myself.
I took a few days off work in the hope that it would get better, however, as I returned I just felt exhausted and overcooked. That's when I started to lose it... Note that I wasn't doing any hard drugs at the time, nor was I drinking, but in that upleading week, I was having the occasional nitrous oxide (N20) cannisters.
I went to get my tarot cards read upon returning to work (first time). The lady who conducted the card reading told me to choose the cards when "I feel the energy above the deck".. I actually felt the cards drawing my hand closer to them. I received the following cards, all of which seemed were of major importance to me: (1) Stand your Ground, (2) Hope, (3) Foundation & Achievements, (4) Base Chakra, (5) The Waiting Game, (6) Third Eye Chakra, (7) Love Begins, (8) Spiritual Union, (9) Intuition, (10) Conquer & Defeat.
..That night I went for a walk, I saw a shooting star - it was the first time that I had seen one and was so beautiful. I rushed into tell my wife about the tarot cards and the shooting star.. we both broke down in tears. Later on that evening I would tune into Youtube, and learn more about finance, investing, life, philosophy and music - all of which were major interests in my life.
The next morning I woke up and got ready to go to work. I couldn't help myself but start crying when all of my songs came on. Notorious BIG - Juicy: "Born sinner, the opposite of a winner, remember when I used to eat sardines for dinner".. I had sardines for dinner growing up too, and I could literally taste my mothers sardine dish in my mouth while the song was playing... As I raced onto the highway, it felt as though I was so connected to everything. I rolled the windows down and felt the air around me...The number plates around me "8SAMA" - which I had a feeling that there was going to be a terrorist attack occurring in the not too distant future. "FX Silver" - I was speculating with precious metals back at that time and thought it was a sign that due to the terror attack, silver was going to increase in price. "IDK IDK" - I was listening to the song I don't know by Tion Wayne, Stormzy, etc. the night before my psychosis.. Everything around me was providing me with signs and nothing was a coincidence. It felt like I was enlightened or something?
I called my brother in the morning who lived abroad, he said that he was being overworked and stressed out. He wanted to head to New York for new years eve and I immediately told him not to go as something bad was going to happen. When I went back into the office, I felt as though there would be some kind of market correction before the terror event occured, so I tried to sell all of my crypto, the only problem was, when I entered all of my key seed phrases, one of them somehow disappeared and I could no longer access my crypto wallet. That was when everything cracked further.. I thought the government was onto me as I had put all the pieces of the puzzle together and started to warn people around me.
I grabbed my manager from the office and told him I needed to speak to them. I wanted to come clean with everything that had happened. During this time I felt at peace and in this blissful place. I was seeing visual signs of things from my past which were interacting with my present moment .. it felt like everything around me was staged. I came clean to the manager and told them that I had been struggling at work, and using drugs and alcohol to cope, I said that it also put so much strain on my relationship and my wife was going to leave me. At this time it felt like the police had wire tapped my manager and everything I was saying was going on record. I was trying to outsmart him with every question that they had for me and it was like I was playing 4d chess in my head. We spent close to 2.5 hours talking about my situation -at every stage I was waiting for when the popo were going to pop out and arrest me.
My wife had been contacted and came to pick me up. She took me back home, but while I went home I thought that our house had been bugged and wired. To me our neighbours were acting odd, and so many things were working in my head, I just didn't know how to relax and calm down. The next day I was taken to my parents place, and I initially started by doing a little bit of exercise, I still felt as though the police were after me and I had something to prove to the world. I then had a panic attack, where I legitimately felt as though I couldn't breathe, my wife and family rushed me to the emergency department at the hospital, and I was met with a psychiatrist who put me on a large dose of antipsychotic medication. Don't know where I'd be without my wife to support me through everything.
I then came back and rested. Slowly but surely I started to realise that I had just experienced a psychotic episode that lasted for several days. Following this event, I had a major depressive episode, which took months for me to recover, and approximately one year later I am in a better place mentally, but I am still not 100 %.
It turns out I have a family history of this sort of bullshit that nobody told me about, and being exposed to drugs and alcohol would only increase the risk of any symptoms. I've been off all the drugs and attempting to stop alcohol, and live a more holistic, natural life. Let's see what happens. For anyone dealing newly dealing with it or in the process of recovering, it gets better. Keep your head up.
If anyone else has a psychosis story or would like to open up about their feeling of oneness or connectedness, please do feel free to share below.
<3

You're not being generous by gifting us stuff and by putting all sorts of cool stuff in the donation boxes! You're just making the item our inventory management problem instead of yours!
Source: the insane amount of drugs I dropped in the Wayward donation box to free up my stash space.

A lot of this stuff may have already been covered but I just want to give my two cents.

1) We need female ai and player enemies. To be honest I didn’t check the character creator enough to verify, but all I ever see is dudes on the game. I would really enjoy having a ‘cartel muscle mommy’ as a n enemy boss.

Good now I have your attention…

2) The AI are super broken. We all know it. The aimbot hip fire kills across a zone of interest are starting to get on my nerve. Like I get 5 seconds of continuous arm stamina to pull off maybe one or two headshots on stationary AI while I’m stationary, and the ai is just like, ‘React, Spin, Hipfire Kill.’ And it seems like it’s only gotten worse since ai reach level 29.

3) The suppressors have to actually do something for the ai for me to use them. From what I can tell, the ai is aggravated regardless of the use of suppressors. The ai should become suspicious, not immediately activated by the sound of the suppressor unless they were hit or they were in direct eye line of another enemy ai. The ai should aggro even more if they find a body. At this point the only thing the suppressors do is alert enemy players that I am in the area. I know because that’s what I do against the enemies.

4) LZ camping. Easy fixes include random placements within a certain area with smoke discharge from helicopter.

5) Fratricide. My proposed fix is after two instances of friendly fire (does not have to result in kill could just injure, i.e. if a total of 200 friendly HP damage - assume each player has a total of 100HP is dealt within a single life) the player is now marked as AWOL. A bounty is placed on the AWOL allowing all friendlies to hunt. At the same time a group of guard AI from the base get into a helicopter and fly to the nearest LZ to eliminate the AWOL. The guards are killable and only one helicopter of guard AI will be sent out.

6) Base Raids. They should be more fun and flushed out. There should be an ability to initiate an official raid on an enemy base after having trekked from a preexisting LZ. When the raid is initiated (either by flare, task, timed event, etc) two friendly LZs should spawn in proximity to either the enemy starting town or base. These LZs will remain active for the use of 3 to 5 reinforcement helicopters each and one exfil chopper from each of the newly spawned LZs.

7) General bug fixed and optimization. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been killed by an ai that’s stuff in a wall, floor, or ceiling and can shoot through it.

8) Gear FeaEconomy/Loot Pool. It’s too easy to get gear. Maybe that’ll change with the introduction of new lootable items and gear. I don’t think I’ve dipped below 200k since level 7.

9) AI health and seeming invincibility. Maybe it’s a server issue, but holy cow… you dump a full 60rd M855A1 into an unarmored skinny and they’ll still spin around and one tap you. That NEEDS TO BE FIXED.

10) Faction ID. We need to be able to better distinguish teammates. Optional armbands would be a start. Also dog tags would be awesome for tasks or collection.

11) More task variety. I’m level 29 (~100hrs) and I still haven’t gotten any specifically PVP missions.

12) Stamina. Give me some way to improve my stamina without having to take the in game drugs

13) Helicopter Speed/redirection. The meta is already to switch servers if waiting for a pick up takes just as long as finding a new server. Speed it the heck up or give more chopper. Also give us the option to redirect the helicopter when on the helicopter. Also to see where a chopper is heading to prior to it landing at base camp.

14) Coma. Allow me to activate a beacon friendly visible within 250m so that as a solo I don’t always waste my Coma state.

15) Logs, Roots, twigs & pebbles, need a rework so that I’m not getting caught on every single thing while walking in the forests .

These are the things that irk me right now. Feel free to add in the comments.

In the quiet confines of their Jamestown home, Ashley's day unfolds against the backdrop of Erik's looming presence, a figure shrouded in the shadows of his past. As he languishes in his bedroom, a tangible aura of tension hangs heavy in the air, signaling yet another bout of discord between the couple.
For Ashley, the strains of their relationship play out in the intimate confines of her live streams, offering glimpses into the complexities of their dynamic. Muted interludes punctuate the broadcast as she navigates heated exchanges with Erik, their disagreements casting long shadows over the day's proceedings.
The specter of Ashley's long-abandoned red car serves as a poignant reminder of past tribulations, a tangible artifact of unresolved conflict resurfacing amidst the turmoil of their present reality. Yet, it is Erik's enigmatic past that casts the longest shadow over their lives, his notoriety in Jamestown's local drug scene a topic fraught with unanswered questions and uneasy implications.
Whispers of Erik's past as "Kilo," a moniker bestowed upon him by the older denizens of Jamestown for his purported importance in the drug world, linger in the recesses of Ashley's mind. Was it the allure of his notoriety that initially drew her in, or the promise of stability amidst the chaos of her own life? As she grapples with the complexities of their relationship, Ashley finds herself confronting uncomfortable truths about her own desires and aspirations.
As the day wears on, observations about the shifting patterns of Ashley's live streams spark speculation among her followers, prompting whispers of constraint and coercion lurking beneath the surface. Is Ashley truly free to live her life on her own terms, or is she bound by the invisible chains of Erik's influence and control?
Against this backdrop of uncertainty and unease, Ashley's appearance serves as a poignant reflection of her inner turmoil. Her once vibrant demeanor now bears the weight of her struggles, a silent testament to the toll taken by her tumultuous relationship with Erik. As she retreats into the quiet solitude of her bedroom, the soft glow of her phone screen casting fleeting shadows across her face, Ashley succumbs to exhaustion, drifting into a fitful sleep amidst a tangle of blankets and cables, her four phones cradled in her arms like precious lifelines in the darkness of the night. And as the world outside fades into oblivion, Ashley is left to confront the ghosts of her past and the uncertainties of her future in the solitary sanctuary of her dreams.

Source: 🔗 Chat with Lifelike Virtual Personalities — talkiemate.com
Are you looking to improve your eating habits, manage your weight, or optimize your nutrition but unsure where to start? Creating a personalized meal plan can be the first step towards achieving your health and wellness goals. In this comprehensive guide, we’ll explore how you can create a personalized meal plan for free, along with the option to work with a dedicated health and wellness coach like Olivia Thompson to take your meal planning to the next level.
Understanding the Importance of a Personalized Meal Plan
A personalized meal plan takes into account your individual dietary preferences, health goals, nutritional needs, and lifestyle factors. By tailoring your meals to suit your specific requirements, you can improve your overall health, manage chronic conditions, enhance athletic performance, and even support weight loss or weight gain goals.
Steps to Create a Personalized Meal Plan for Free
Assess Your Current Eating Habits: Before creating a meal plan, it’s essential to understand your current eating habits. Keep a food diary for a few days to track what you eat and drink, including portion sizes and meal times.
Set Your Health Goals: Determine what you want to achieve with your meal plan. Whether it’s losing weight, improving energy levels, managing a health condition, or simply eating more healthily, having clear goals will guide your meal planning efforts.
Identify Nutritional Needs: Consider any specific nutritional requirements you may have based on factors such as age, gender, activity level, and health status. For example, athletes may need more carbohydrates for energy, while individuals with certain medical conditions may need to limit sodium or sugar intake.
Plan Balanced Meals: Aim to include a variety of nutrient-dense foods from all food groups in your meal plan. This includes fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and healthy fats. Focus on creating balanced meals that provide a mix of carbohydrates, protein, and fat to support overall health and energy levels.
Use Online Resources and Apps: Take advantage of online resources and meal planning apps that offer free tools and templates for creating personalized meal plans. These platforms often provide features such as recipe databases, grocery lists, and meal prep tips to simplify the process.
Experiment and Adjust: Creating the perfect meal plan may require some trial and error. Be willing to experiment with different foods, recipes, and portion sizes to find what works best for you. Monitor your progress and make adjustments as needed to ensure you’re meeting your health goals.
Benefits of Working with a Health and Wellness Coach
While creating a personalized meal plan for free is a great starting point, working with a dedicated health and wellness coach can offer additional support and guidance. A coach like Olivia Thompson can provide:
Expertise and Guidance: Olivia Thompson is a certified health and wellness coach with extensive knowledge and experience in nutrition and healthy eating habits. She can offer personalized advice and guidance tailored to your individual needs and goals.
Accountability and Motivation: Having a coach to keep you accountable can help you stay on track with your meal plan and make healthier choices. Olivia can provide motivation, encouragement, and support to help you overcome challenges and stay committed to your health journey.
Customized Meal Plans: Olivia Thompson can work with you to create customized meal plans that align with your dietary preferences, health goals, and lifestyle. She can help you plan meals that are delicious, nutritious, and easy to prepare, making it easier to stick to your meal plan long-term.
Education and Empowerment: In addition to meal planning, Olivia Thompson can educate you about nutrition, portion control, mindful eating, and other healthy habits. She empowers you with the knowledge and skills you need to make informed decisions about your health and well-being.
How to Get Started with Olivia Thompson
Ready to take your meal planning to the next level? You can work with Olivia Thompson, a dedicated health and wellness coach, to create professional personalized meal plans tailored to your needs and goals. Simply visit Olivia’s Talkiemate profile here to start your conversation today.
Conclusion
Creating a personalized meal plan for free is an excellent way to improve your diet, manage your weight, and optimize your nutrition. By following the steps outlined in this guide and leveraging online resources and apps, you can create a meal plan that suits your individual needs and preferences. Additionally, working with a dedicated health and wellness coach like Olivia Thompson can provide personalized support, guidance, and motivation to help you achieve your health and wellness goals. Whether you’re looking to lose weight, improve your energy levels, or simply eat more healthily, creating a personalized meal plan is a valuable step towards a happier and healthier you.
References:
“The Importance of Meal Planning for a Healthy Diet” – Healthline
“The Benefits of Personalized Meal Plans” – Eat This, Not That!
“How to Create a Personalized Meal Plan” – MyFitnessPal
“The Role of Health Coaches in Nutrition Education” – American Nutrition Association
“Understanding Macronutrients: Carbohydrates, Proteins, and Fats” – Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health
“Choosing Healthy Fats” – Mayo Clinic
“The Science Behind Meal Planning” – PubMed
“Meal Planning Apps and Websites” – Verywell Fit
“Understanding Nutrition Labels” – U.S. Food and Drug Administration
“The Role of Nutrition in Weight Management” – Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Disclaimer: Always consult with a healthcare professional before making any significant changes to your diet or exercise routine.

Hello! before we get into this, I want to make it clear that this is a SFW post. I'm not interested in anything explicit or inappropriate.Now that's out of the way , let me introduce myself, I'm a 22 year old single guy from the US looking for a serious and a long term relationship. I live a healthy lifestyle and don't smoke, drink or do drugs.
In my free time, I'm usually binge-watching shows. I'm also into reading and trying out new cuisines whenever I can. I'm also open to voice and video calls , and i enjoy chatting for hours when we're both free, or maybe an occasional call to catch up . I'm fine with long distance too , as long as we both agree on meeting up in the future.
When I'm not indoors, I enjoy swimming and spending time outdoors. I like a good sense of humor, and I value someone who's caring and can keep a conversation going. I love the idea of planning trips to places we've always wanted to go. Hopefully, we can make this dreams a reality together.
If my post piqued your interest, please send a chat invite with a bit about yourself. Looking forward to hearing from you and see where it goes!

I literally can't help myself sometimes. I'll uninstall and reinstall my music apps like 10 times a day because of this shit. Music triggers MDs for me and I can't stop. It's literally a button away from free dopamine.
It's so silly saying it out loud. I'm addicted to imagining myself as different people. But it's true. And I don't have the discipline to stop myself. Or any serious reason to besides being depressed as fuck. God I hope this gets better soon. If it doesn't I'm definitely going back to drugs.