Crct practice sheets for fourth grade to print
Generations
2024.05.14 12:21 LadyDairhean Generations
The Great Depression had a significant and lasting impact on society, especially in the Dust Bowl states. Oklahoma suffered the worst and is still suffering from its effects. The stock market crashed in 1929. This was 11 years after the end of WWI when a lot of working age men were killed. My father was 19 years old. Children age 4 and older had to go to work in the fields harvesting and hoeing weeds. My maternal grandmother who was born in 1932 cut broomcorn and picked cotton by hand. The International Harvester for cotton was invented in 1940, but only came into widespread use by 1970. The broomcorn industry died out in 1980. Older boys age 11 and up went to work in sawmills and the trades. Watch the movie Walk the Line. Johnny Cash’s older brother of 14 was almost cut vertically in half when he slipped and was cut through the sternum by a large saw blade. Can you imagine being that young and handling dangerous machinery with no safety equipment? Safety equipment didn’t exist back then and neither did child labor laws. Those old Boomer children worked just as hard as adults to help feed their families. They were punished for playing. They had to suck it up and endure extreme hardship just to eat and they ate very little. Everyone was starving and filthy. There was as no indoor plumbing, no electricity and no air conditioning. I watched my grandmother work from sun up to exhaustion and she slept in her clothes. When she died, her bra strap hooks were rusted from sweat because she never removed it, meaning she hadn’t bathed in decades. She was 4-8” and wore a child size medium. She was conditioned to hard work and starvation. She and her family including my mother never overcame the effects of the Depression. She was functionally illiterate despite graduating high school in 1948.
Education stopped at third-fourth grade for the average child because parents were extremely poor and couldn’t afford to pay for schooling. School was different then. Teachers lived in a teacherage provided by the school district and earned a living stipend from the state to teach grades 1-4 how to read, write, sign their names, cipher, count money and read a watch. That was the extent of free education. Advanced learning after 4rth grade was taught by subscription very similar to private tutoring. Grades 5-7 were called grade school. Grades 7-12 were called high school. They didn’t have Junior High.
In 1935, the Second New Deal created the Works Progress / Projects Administration (WPA) to help people recover from the Depression. A lot of new schools were built during this period. Schools were funded with a combination of state aid and a tax levy called a mill collected from every resident in a school district. When Boomers say they shouldn’t have to pay a school tax because they don’t have children in school, this is what they’re referring to. They had the right to vote against a tax levy. These days, we call them temporary sales tax increases to fund things like new gym equipment. Everyone inside the school district votes on the increase and everyone inside and outside the district has to pay the sales tax if they shop at a store in the district. These no-voters will shop outside the district if the tax increase passes.
Fast forward to WWII (1939-1945) and the Korean War (1950-1953) and we see a significant decrease in school attendance that results in the closure of many rural schools. Many of this second generation of Boomers grew up in boarding schools and orphanages because their mothers couldn’t afford to feed them. This period resulted in a high population of youth being institutionalized. One of my grandmother’s sisters was raped by her uncle at age 14 and was sent to an asylum for the mentally ill. My mother (born 1952) and her sisters were taken by DHS (called CPS today) and sent to a girl’s state school after their father died of cirrhosis at the age of 42. He was a bootlegger who literally drank himself to death. Prohibition (1920-1933) was another result of the Depression. It lasted until 1952 in Oklahoma. Forced sterilization in mental institutions was outlawed in 1951 for the sake of medical study. The practice began in 1931 because the state believed that mental illness/retardation was genetic and caused by incest/inbreeding. It runs in my mother’s family so I can confirm the state was right. Mutations in the brain can be passed from mother to child.
The third generation of Boomers was born during the Vietnam War (1955-1975). I was born in 1973, so I’m technically Gen X with Boomer influences but not to the point that I’m a raging psycho. I consider those born in the 60s to be the third Boomer generation. My town lost its high school in 1968 and stopped at the eighth grade. All those who graduated from the 60s-1980 are the anti education gatekeepers of the workforce that I’m personally struggling with. These are the people who hate anyone with an education level above theirs. They’re offended by education unless you’re a doctor or a lawyer and they can use you. They are also anti-technology and refuse to use it. They are bullies who are socially enmeshed and always in your business. This generation of women married older men because men their age were fighting in a war. Or, they married wealthy men. Those women didn’t have to work and became bored housewives. I blame daytime soap operas for teaching these idiots their horrible social skills. They stayed home almost 24/7 except for when they were at the hair salon or shopping. They wore a lot of makeup too and nail polish contained formaldehyde. The amount of lead and toxic chemicals they were exposed to was very high. My mother was in this category from 1970-1980 when she divorced my father. Men who came home from the war were addicted to heroin and may have turned to cocaine, crack or meth. Many ended up homeless or hooked up with women for the welfare benefits. They were insanely abusive. Very few were able to adjust. Women who did not marry well, had to work cash jobs to support themselves and they might have qualified for USDA commodities and food stamps under Johnson’s War on Poverty (1964). We didn’t have welfare reform until 1996. My mother became an alcoholic and was addicted to amphetamines sold as diet pills in the 80s. We had pure meth from 1980 that my stepdad was addicted to and an explosion of brown meth from 1994 to the present. Almost this entire generation and my own Gen X either experimented or became addicted to meth. It affected Millennials too.
Child prostitution as a means of survival and CSA were common during the Depression because there was no law against it and it’s something society has difficulty grappling with. Oklahoma passed its first anti-child molestation law in 1945 after the end of WWII. I remember those old Boomer women saying that talk about sex was vulgar and those matters weren’t discussed. It was swept under the rug until 1990 when teens finally began to speak out. We had an explosion of violent rape and domestic violence in the 90s by Boomers and chauvinists who couldn’t bear to give up their right to sex on demand and beating women.
We got the Department of Education and mandatory attendance in 1980 so Gen X was the first generation to have a well rounded education since 1929. All the generations that came before us are jealous because we also got child labor laws and the statutory rape law. We’re the first generation that didn’t have to endure backbreaking work as children. We got easy jobs like paper routes, babysitting and mowing. As teenagers, farm kids hauled hay but that’s about as strenuous as it got. Many Gen Xers got pregnant young and had to drop out of school or couldn’t go to college. They had to get married and raise a family. I’m struggling with this portion of my generation being jealous as well.
I think Gen Z is the best generation because they are so far removed from the absolute hell that previous generations went through. They have the best education, the best social skills and are the most well adjusted of all the generations that came before them. Gen X just needs to teach ya’ll life skills and survival skills that you can hand down to Gen Alpha.
submitted by LadyDairhean to u/LadyDairhean [link] [comments]
Education stopped at third-fourth grade for the average child because parents were extremely poor and couldn’t afford to pay for schooling. School was different then. Teachers lived in a teacherage provided by the school district and earned a living stipend from the state to teach grades 1-4 how to read, write, sign their names, cipher, count money and read a watch. That was the extent of free education. Advanced learning after 4rth grade was taught by subscription very similar to private tutoring. Grades 5-7 were called grade school. Grades 7-12 were called high school. They didn’t have Junior High.
In 1935, the Second New Deal created the Works Progress / Projects Administration (WPA) to help people recover from the Depression. A lot of new schools were built during this period. Schools were funded with a combination of state aid and a tax levy called a mill collected from every resident in a school district. When Boomers say they shouldn’t have to pay a school tax because they don’t have children in school, this is what they’re referring to. They had the right to vote against a tax levy. These days, we call them temporary sales tax increases to fund things like new gym equipment. Everyone inside the school district votes on the increase and everyone inside and outside the district has to pay the sales tax if they shop at a store in the district. These no-voters will shop outside the district if the tax increase passes.
Fast forward to WWII (1939-1945) and the Korean War (1950-1953) and we see a significant decrease in school attendance that results in the closure of many rural schools. Many of this second generation of Boomers grew up in boarding schools and orphanages because their mothers couldn’t afford to feed them. This period resulted in a high population of youth being institutionalized. One of my grandmother’s sisters was raped by her uncle at age 14 and was sent to an asylum for the mentally ill. My mother (born 1952) and her sisters were taken by DHS (called CPS today) and sent to a girl’s state school after their father died of cirrhosis at the age of 42. He was a bootlegger who literally drank himself to death. Prohibition (1920-1933) was another result of the Depression. It lasted until 1952 in Oklahoma. Forced sterilization in mental institutions was outlawed in 1951 for the sake of medical study. The practice began in 1931 because the state believed that mental illness/retardation was genetic and caused by incest/inbreeding. It runs in my mother’s family so I can confirm the state was right. Mutations in the brain can be passed from mother to child.
The third generation of Boomers was born during the Vietnam War (1955-1975). I was born in 1973, so I’m technically Gen X with Boomer influences but not to the point that I’m a raging psycho. I consider those born in the 60s to be the third Boomer generation. My town lost its high school in 1968 and stopped at the eighth grade. All those who graduated from the 60s-1980 are the anti education gatekeepers of the workforce that I’m personally struggling with. These are the people who hate anyone with an education level above theirs. They’re offended by education unless you’re a doctor or a lawyer and they can use you. They are also anti-technology and refuse to use it. They are bullies who are socially enmeshed and always in your business. This generation of women married older men because men their age were fighting in a war. Or, they married wealthy men. Those women didn’t have to work and became bored housewives. I blame daytime soap operas for teaching these idiots their horrible social skills. They stayed home almost 24/7 except for when they were at the hair salon or shopping. They wore a lot of makeup too and nail polish contained formaldehyde. The amount of lead and toxic chemicals they were exposed to was very high. My mother was in this category from 1970-1980 when she divorced my father. Men who came home from the war were addicted to heroin and may have turned to cocaine, crack or meth. Many ended up homeless or hooked up with women for the welfare benefits. They were insanely abusive. Very few were able to adjust. Women who did not marry well, had to work cash jobs to support themselves and they might have qualified for USDA commodities and food stamps under Johnson’s War on Poverty (1964). We didn’t have welfare reform until 1996. My mother became an alcoholic and was addicted to amphetamines sold as diet pills in the 80s. We had pure meth from 1980 that my stepdad was addicted to and an explosion of brown meth from 1994 to the present. Almost this entire generation and my own Gen X either experimented or became addicted to meth. It affected Millennials too.
Child prostitution as a means of survival and CSA were common during the Depression because there was no law against it and it’s something society has difficulty grappling with. Oklahoma passed its first anti-child molestation law in 1945 after the end of WWII. I remember those old Boomer women saying that talk about sex was vulgar and those matters weren’t discussed. It was swept under the rug until 1990 when teens finally began to speak out. We had an explosion of violent rape and domestic violence in the 90s by Boomers and chauvinists who couldn’t bear to give up their right to sex on demand and beating women.
We got the Department of Education and mandatory attendance in 1980 so Gen X was the first generation to have a well rounded education since 1929. All the generations that came before us are jealous because we also got child labor laws and the statutory rape law. We’re the first generation that didn’t have to endure backbreaking work as children. We got easy jobs like paper routes, babysitting and mowing. As teenagers, farm kids hauled hay but that’s about as strenuous as it got. Many Gen Xers got pregnant young and had to drop out of school or couldn’t go to college. They had to get married and raise a family. I’m struggling with this portion of my generation being jealous as well.
I think Gen Z is the best generation because they are so far removed from the absolute hell that previous generations went through. They have the best education, the best social skills and are the most well adjusted of all the generations that came before them. Gen X just needs to teach ya’ll life skills and survival skills that you can hand down to Gen Alpha.
2024.05.14 05:16 TrueMetalSmiths Common Mistakes to Avoid During Designing Sheet Metal Parts
 | Sheet metal fabrication is the process of creating parts and components by cutting, bending, and shaping sheets of metal. The design of sheet metal parts is crucial for their functionality, durability, and manufacturability. However, even experienced designers can make mistakes that can affect the quality and cost-effectiveness of sheet metal fabrication. In this blog, we will discuss some common mistakes to avoid during designing sheet metal parts. submitted by TrueMetalSmiths to BeskaMold [link] [comments] Ignoring Manufacturing Constraints:One of the most common mistakes in sheet metal design is ignoring manufacturing constraints. Sheet metal parts are made using various processes and equipment that have limitations and requirements that must be considered during design. For example, the thickness of the metal, the size of the bending radius, and the placement of holes and cutouts can affect the performance of the fabrication process.Ignoring these constraints can result in parts that are difficult or impossible to manufacture. Therefore, it is essential to involve fabricators in the design process and to consider their expertise and feedback. Not Understanding Material Properties:Another common mistake is not understanding the material properties of the sheet metal used in the design. Sheet metal comes in different alloys and grades, each with its own mechanical, chemical, and thermal properties. These properties affect the behavior and performance of the parts in various conditions, such as temperature changes, corrosion, and stress.Therefore, designers must select the right material for the application and consider its properties in the design. For example, using a low-grade metal for a high-stress application can result in deformation or failure of the part. Inaccurate Measurements and Tolerances:Accurate measurements and tolerances are crucial for the quality and precision of sheet metal parts. However, many designers make mistakes related to measurements and tolerances, such as not specifying them correctly, not considering the fabricator’s capabilities, or not verifying them during the manufacturing process.As a result, parts can have incorrect dimensions, misaligned holes, or poor fit and finish. Therefore, designers must be familiar with the measurement units and standards, specify the tolerances clearly, and verify the dimensions during quality control. Poor Design for Assembly:Sheet metal parts are often used in assemblies that require multiple components to fit together seamlessly. However, poor design for assembly can lead to difficulties in assembling or disassembling the parts, or even compromising their functionality.Common mistakes in assembly design include not considering the order of assembly, not providing clearance and access for fasteners, and not aligning mating surfaces properly. Therefore, designers must consider the assembly process as part of the design and ensure that the parts fit together precisely and efficiently. Lack of Communication with Fabricators:Finally, lack of communication between designers and fabricators can lead to misunderstandings, delays, and rework in the fabrication process. Designers must provide clear and detailed specifications and drawings that convey their intent and requirements accurately.Fabricators, on the other hand, must communicate any issues or suggestions regarding the design, materials, or manufacturing process. Therefore, designers must establish a good working relationship with the fabricators and maintain open communication channels throughout the design and fabrication process. 5 Tips for Designing Sheet Metal Parts:In addition to avoiding common mistakes, there are some best practices and tips that can help designers create better sheet metal parts. These tips include:
New Technologies and Trends in Sheet Metal Design:The sheet metal fabrication industry is constantly evolving, and new technologies and trends emerge to improve the efficiency, quality, and sustainability of the process. Some of the latest developments in sheet metal design include:Additive manufacturing: Using 3D printing and other additive technologies to create complex and customized sheet metal parts. Automated nesting and cutting: Using AI-powered software to optimize the nesting and cutting of sheet metal parts and reduce material waste. Lightweighting: Designing sheet metal parts that are lighter and more efficient by using advanced materials and geometries. Sustainability: Designing sheet metal parts that are environmentally friendly and reduce the carbon footprint of the fabrication process. https://preview.redd.it/v0dmrrvu7b0d1.png?width=570&format=png&auto=webp&s=98e4c625d53a2a2e34826efc6e5e7a4ab5c1a428 Beska’s Sheet Metal Fabrication CapabilityAs a custom sheet metal fabrication service provider, we can provide a wide range of services: Laser cutting, bending, welding, and finishing. From prototyping to large-scale production, we offer cost-effective solutions to meet your unique needs. Trust us to bring your ideas to life with precision and reliability. |
2024.05.14 02:14 ilovesunghoon1212 How should I convince my parents that I should quit kumon?
I am a ninth grader who is still doing kumon. My mom made me start VERY late (middle school) so I wouldn't lose grip of the "basics" in middle/high school.
I do sports all 3 seasons - jv volleyball, jv basketball, and jv soccer, but I have just been pulled up for varsity soccer for playoffs. Therefore I am extremely busy year round and have practice everyday, and if i don't, i play club lacrosse.
My parents also want me to have straight a's, if I get a b+ or a-, i get yelled at and I have to pull it up to an A asap. It's been impossible to keep my grades up, play sports well, and do kumon everyday, since I get home around 6-7 everyday or even have games, and then I need the rest of my night to do school work and be prepared.
therefore, i get piled up with kumon on the weekends, generally about 2 weeks behind having me to do 6-7 sets on saturday and 6-7 more on sunday. I don't even go to the center anymore due to my busy schedule and my mom just picks up my work.
I don't score too well on my kumon, which makes it harder for me to convince my parents to let me quit. But the thing is, if any of the topics I get on kumon comes up during math/english class, I do them very well. I think I see kumon as a chore and don't put 100% into it.
I've been constantly reminding my parents of how it doesn't benefit or apply to any of the things I am doing and how busy I am and that kumons whole "practive everyday" theory is useless on me because I have such a busy schedule, but they constantly remind me that I keep scoring bad and they get SUPER mad at me and tell me to "accept it".
If we lose our next game, I won't have any more practices for high school and travel soccer practices twice a week, but I have to study REALLY hard for my finals. I can't continue to do kumon. As of now, I have 6-7 sets to fix, 14 sets of kumon to do by tomorrow, but I have a game tomorrow and 3 math sheets to do for final review. I really need to quit, but my parents always get so mad and never hear me out. What should i do?
submitted by ilovesunghoon1212 to KumonHate [link] [comments]
I do sports all 3 seasons - jv volleyball, jv basketball, and jv soccer, but I have just been pulled up for varsity soccer for playoffs. Therefore I am extremely busy year round and have practice everyday, and if i don't, i play club lacrosse.
My parents also want me to have straight a's, if I get a b+ or a-, i get yelled at and I have to pull it up to an A asap. It's been impossible to keep my grades up, play sports well, and do kumon everyday, since I get home around 6-7 everyday or even have games, and then I need the rest of my night to do school work and be prepared.
therefore, i get piled up with kumon on the weekends, generally about 2 weeks behind having me to do 6-7 sets on saturday and 6-7 more on sunday. I don't even go to the center anymore due to my busy schedule and my mom just picks up my work.
I don't score too well on my kumon, which makes it harder for me to convince my parents to let me quit. But the thing is, if any of the topics I get on kumon comes up during math/english class, I do them very well. I think I see kumon as a chore and don't put 100% into it.
I've been constantly reminding my parents of how it doesn't benefit or apply to any of the things I am doing and how busy I am and that kumons whole "practive everyday" theory is useless on me because I have such a busy schedule, but they constantly remind me that I keep scoring bad and they get SUPER mad at me and tell me to "accept it".
If we lose our next game, I won't have any more practices for high school and travel soccer practices twice a week, but I have to study REALLY hard for my finals. I can't continue to do kumon. As of now, I have 6-7 sets to fix, 14 sets of kumon to do by tomorrow, but I have a game tomorrow and 3 math sheets to do for final review. I really need to quit, but my parents always get so mad and never hear me out. What should i do?
2024.05.14 01:10 AlexandertheIght I really need to figure it put
Okay, fourth rewrite, I'm making this in hopes that their is someone who can help me in some way. Maybe someone knows the answer to it all and can guide me, though unlikely. I'll just list out all my issues in seperate paragraphs and hopefully their is just someone out their to help, if you can help me just please do, I really need help or at least someone and you reading this and giving me advice would truly mean a lot to me. Anyways
I feel stupid: I honestly feel braindead, I hate my mind so much. Sometimes it's hard to think or do, sometimes I can't think or do. My mind is so numb, everything about my mind just feels wrong and dead. My mind has felt dead for a year or two now and I just wish it was alive, I want my mind to be normol, I want it to actually work. I also want confidence in my mind, any failure or lack of underatanding makes me defeated and feeling like a dunce. Anything I can do I say was just luck or something anyone should know. I don't know if I'm stupid or not but dam I feel like I am the dumbest in a room. I would give it all to be intelliegent, I wish I was smart, well read, well informed, well versed. I so desperately want to know, so desperately want to be smart. I wish I could understand stuff. I just want to be smart and have a bright alive mind, but my mind is so dead and desolate and compared to the rest worthless. I hit myself in my head whenever I'm mistaken or just feel so stupid, and I honestly deserve it. If I were to kill myself my mind being numb and stupid would be the reason or a big reason why, I just want to be smart. You can likely tell just how much of an idiot I am by reading this via grammer, spelling, complaints. That "likely" was meant to be "probaboly" but I'm just stupid and worthless to spell. If there was just a way to be smart and not such a moron, I fucking hate my life.
I have body issues: I without doubt have body issues, the biggest of which is my weight. As of now I am 5,9 (1.7M) and 211lbs (95.7KG), I was 246lbs (111kg) to begin with and it was also my heaviest. Despite losing a good amount of weight I am not happy and have no pride, I'm still fat and thats all I see sadly. I don't want to be fat or skinny, I want to be muscular:big arms, built chest, flat stomach, no abs (don't like them) that sounds appealing, it's what I want. Unfourtunely I as of now can't work to this goal, I don't have money for a gym or equipment, famliy funds can't do it ethier and awhile ago I turned down a weight bench since I wasn't confident, now I regret that choice. I hate being fat so much, and this deep hatred and desperation has led to a embarassing cycle, for two years now I have been downloading images of muscular bodies. They're all drawings or from videogames since I'm to embarresed to have real images and as mentioned it's a cycle, Download and store -> have them and look at them for awhile -> get ashamed of myself -> purge it all -> regret -> repeat. Like stated this has been going for two years and as of now I have ten different images. Apart from weight I also have some other physical insecurites, acne being a big one. I been suffering from acne for years, fifth grade, early sixth grade is when it started so five years of this. It mostly effects my chin and cheeks badly but also effects more of my face, sometimes the acne hurts and it often even bleeds. I hate touching my face and feeling grime and ripping off a bunch of skin and dried shit. I wash every night and try to be frequent with morning witch-hazel but it dosen't relent. I also hate it when it gets mentioned, it is irratating to be reminded and noticed and nobody points it out more then my own mom who also cliams it would go if I just washed. I do, I fucking do! It's not working and you don't understand that! I also have body acne I don't know how to fix, I like sleeping shirtless which I know is the reason, also inconsistent with bedding which isn't right. Even if I did wash sheets weekly it wouldn't be enough, I would still get acne on my body. I just want to sleep shirtless and not get acne, I wish I could find a way. Another insecurite but not really is my height, I don't mind being 5'9/5'10 I mean it's about average height and I beat out my 5'4 father. But I'm sixteen which mean I still have possibilty to get taller and I wonder, will I? If I do, just how tall? Could I reach 6'0+? All of this speculation makes me a bit insecure, also with being fat I look short and round in the mirror which is defeating. I'm secure besides speculation and weight but at the same time I truly want to be taller, I think any man tall or short wishes they were taller, I wish I could break 6'0 that would be cool (to me). But I don't think that will ever happen, my dad is 5'4, my mom is 5'6 I made it 5'9/5'10 and my chart is stagnating, should just stop thinking I'll get taller. Another phsyical insecurite and likely the last one I'll mention unless I think of another worthwhile one is my hair, I'm insecurie of my hairstyle. Or lack of hairstyle, my mom says I have independence in this choice but whenever I make a choice she complains about it. Any agreement is one sided or changed up a little so she likes it. I have always hated my hairstyles over the years, even now and as of now it's ethier her way or a unorgainzied thick mess that will soon be her way. I hate it, wish I could make my own "independent" choice, even if I could my mom would likely hate it and always bring it up which is something I don't want to deal with. My mom is more for short cuts and fades etc, I hate fades and while I do admire short hair have always taken liking to shagger and longer styles, more rugged style. I have also always liked long hair and even wanted it. I used to openly want long hair for a long time but my mom opposed, I tried to convince her but she was opposed. She wasn't only opposed to it she made sure to express that it was gay and feminine etc, etc. She made me close off and forgot the desire but even now she won't let go. She is so sure to tell everyone: famliy, her friends, the hairdresser, hell maybe even strangers, she tells everyone about how much I wanted it and what she thought of it etc. Often I have been embarresed like this while I was right there, I have expressed that this embarreses me and want it to stop mutiple times yet she'll continue almost as if it's purposeful, she will also bring up an old friend T who had long hair as an example of it looking bad. But he didn't take care of it or do anything, most he would do is give into his moms begging and have her brush it. If I had long hair I would actually take care of it and do stuff to it! She also claims I got the idea from him, but no I liked it since elementary being inspired by personal inkling and rock. I no longer want hair but am starting to find styles I really like, but first I need to get my mom to fuck off. And second I would want to grow a beard, which is another issue of mine. I'm sixteen I shouldn't expect a full beard but I have seen peers with actual good facial hair, patchy beards, five o'clocks, some actually have a beard. Then there is me, with some sideburns and a bunch of peachfuzz, I want to be able to grow a beard and the peachfuzz plus sideburns bother me, I want it to actually devlop, I want a beard. I am also worried about devlopment, worried acne will hurt or even stop growth. I'm upset about my lack of growth though I definetly have unrealistic expectations. Lastly with hair is my chest hair, I'm quite hairy and I like it. And I have chest hair but barely and I just wish I had more over a greater coverage, more of a funny insecurite, lol. One more insecurity I forgot about is my voice. I'm loud when talking and my voice isn't as deep as I wish so that sucks.
(copy and paste from older write) I wish I had a father: I don't have a father or any form of father figure, I'm fatherless and it hurts a lot. My father has been out of my life since I was elevenish/twelveish (the peak of covid passed), we kicked him out because he is and was a meth addict in and out of the jail. He was a fuctioning addict so not violent and not as obvious of an addict but the meth still took him over. My mother says she kept him around and gave him so many chances because she wanted him to be in my life as a father. But he was no father when he was around, he didn't parent me, he didn't play his role as a father and guide as a masculine role model, hell he likely didn't even truly care for me. My only memories of him really are going to McDonold's with him, after which he dumpster dived behind the plaza as I begged for us to go back home. Or me wanting to bond with him so he sets up the brilliant idea of dragging me around with his skechy friends, to skechy places, even at skechy times. I don't understand why I knew sooner, guess I was a stupid basterd but I started picking up that my dad was a bad person around fifth grade. By then I quickly found out more and more and tenstion was growing, by eleven we we're going to kick him out but covid struck it's height and our household seemed palpable. But very quickly we said fuck it and threw him to the curb, we weren't going to have it no longer. Soon after around thirteen I was happy that he was gone but slightly disappointed that I no longer had a father (even if he was useless) and I hoped my mom would find someone, not only for herself but for me. By fourteen this really layed in heavy on me and the lack of a father really bummed me out, I got really stupid and desperate using bitlife to create guys then add me and my mom in to create step father famlies even adding step siblings and shit. By late fourteen it was made clear to me by my mom that "we don't need no man" and that she was done with dating. I very well do need a father figure, every child needs one. Hell I as a guy truly need(ed) one, there are so many lessons and things that come from a fatheson relationship that are crucial to a boy and I missed out on them. Hell even when my dad was around I missed out on lessons, I still remember he was tasked to teach me how to tie my shoes but got mad at me struggling and walked away. He refused to help afterward and I refused to try and never to this day learned the proper way to tie, instead I have my own far less efficent method. I missed out on so much by not having a father and it hurts to know that and I just wish I had the knowledge, without a masculine role model I have definetly missed out what it is to be a man and likely am even a loser of a man. I just want a father so badly, I want what a father provides so badly, I want the bond that it comes with. I wish I just had a guy to talk to and bond with, I want a dad just so badly. I wish I had someone who taught me how to change a tire or fish and all that shit, but I'll never have it and it angers me, I am angry to be fatherless, I am angry and lost without a father figure, and I'm jealous. I kind of want to have children when the time comes, I wonder if I'll fail them as well.
Friends: Growing up I was always a bit introverted, I think it was of my nature but was amplafied by life. In elementary I often acquainted myself with people never having any close friends outside my after school program. Jumping to middle school I had a good friend-group but it turned out my good friend T was really an ass and I was pushed out by him in early nineth grade. Later in nineth I met my good friend, my best friend M. This year in tenth I was introduced to a friend named D by M. These are my only two friends and I'm happy with them, though there are a few issues. Not anything major but just a few things, like how we never do anything outside of school. The only thing I really miss about my old friendgroup is that we actually did shit: springs, houses, events, parks, attractions, food. Now me, M and, D don't and have never done anything outside of school and the computer. M likely couldn't do anything because of his famliy and D just seems completely disinterested and worried about money. But I wish we could really do something, sure videogames are fun but it would be fun if we could just goof off somewhere, be stupid. This is really the only general "issue" apart from that no major strain or issue in the friendgroup. But I do have a few personal grievences, starting with D. I think D has a darker side of him, he seems to not respect or care for me and will sometimes show it in nasty ways. He had told both me and M to kill ourselves, he attacks insecurites, he says rude shit, etc. Also with D, we have never truly connected, never gotten to know each other personally. Without M we would be mere acquaintance, M is the only reason why me and D are friends and being alone with each other is mostly silence and maybe him showing me a TikTok. Then M, I have no personal issues with M only small factors of our friendship I'm upset or worried about. Starting off with is school, halfway through this year (tenth) M started a FLVS-hybrid. I am happy for him and it's something we both expressed wanting but now I never really see him. I could see him at lunch but he dosen't really come in and only other time I can see him is leaving campus. I ethier catch him and barely have a conversation worthwhile or he's to far ahead and I got to give up trying to reach him. The only way to talk to my best friend nowadays really is Discord, and that isn't even reliable since his parents are often controlling the WI-FI or taking his stuff away. This means when I do talk to my friend it can suddenly be ended as he disconnects or I can't even. This sucks, it feels like I can't even talk to my best friend that much. But that isn't all, because I'm worried for my friend M. His parents don't sound the best from all he's told me, I won't share his issues but just as an example he didn't have a bedroom for two months. Hearing what we gose through is alreadly dishearting but something that I worry deeply about is him talking sucide. He has talked and half joked about it several times and it's worry, I been trying to discourage but he continues with it so now I'm just trying to ignore it. That is likely the wrong way of handling it but I just don't know what to do. I hope it's always bluff and he moves out and moves on with he can, I don't want him to kill himself.
I'm lonely: I'm sixteen but I'm lonely. I am the only one of my friends who hasn't had a relationship, I am not the most worried about that, I don't want to date just to date, I want to date to love. But hell I still wish I had a relationship, even just a sterotypical high-school one. But what I truly want is true love, I want a woman I love with all my heart and a woman who loves me with all of hers, I want a woman to provide for, to protect, to matter to. I want to marry and possibly have kids. I want to love someone, be there for someone. But will I ever even have that? I'm alreadly a loser who no woman would want and even then from what I've heard, "modren dating is terrible" so what chance do I even have? Will I ever have someone to love? I hope.
School: School makes me so misereble and dead, this place makes me genuinely want to off myself I hate it so much. And it seems to revolve around my whole life, even at home it's all my mom wants to bring up. I just need a break from it all but it seems like it's the only thing in my life, I don't really have anything else. I failed my nineth grade year, I failed since I'm a stupid, worthless peice of shit. But they "passed" me onto tenth, gave me tenth grade classes, test, etc but say I'm still nineth, tell me do nineth grade "remedation" online. Now I'm failing like a worthless peice of shit once again! I wish they held me back to try again but they didn't they just pushed me on, still likely would've failed like a worthless bitch but I could have had a chance. I fucking hate myself I'm so stupid and I hate my school for pushing my stupid ass onward and onward, I should just kill myself at this point. And when I try to reach out to my counselor in any hope for some chance of help the piss poor communcation at this school means it'll take days for a response, I can't even get reliable help over school. Back in middle school I had a GPA in the high 3s, I made honor roll every other quater or so, I had high grades and sucess. But in high-school, in nineth grade I failed with straight Fs and got a GPA of 0.7, now in tenth I have a 1.7 and sometimes get high grades but mostly fail. I just wish I wasn't so stupid, I just wish I was smart and successful at school. But I'm not, I'm a fucking idiot and an embarssment at school. And maybe it would all be okay if it wasn't for the assholes I am surrounded by, my fellow peers of this overcrowded hell hole. Just seems like I can never catch a break with having to deal with people. I just want to be left alone but they're is just always somebody wanting to bother me, harass me. Can sit at a desk then have a bunch of cunts around me, harass me, call me burgundy because of my shirt. Can sit down and be snickered at by the guys in front of me for whatever reason. Sit down and have paper, pencils, even ice hitting me. Sit down and have some imbecible pull up a chair and use my desk as his and block me in my seat because fuck me, am I right? Just want to be left alone but never am, nobody ever dose it's always something. I can't even get respect, not a single bit, just always mistreated. Hell just the other day when I was given my packet I was also mistakenly given the packet of a nearby girl, I get her attention and hand it to her and she just snaches it and mumbles something, because I can't even be respected, I'm worthless. And even when I'm not being directly bothered I got to deal with slow walkers, idiots who don't know how to inconvience everyone else in the halls, the over crowded school. It all fucking sucks I hate it all, everyday I think I'm on the verge of snapping but somehow just have more patience, I don't know how much more of this shit I can or have to endure. At least my mom finally reconsidered my old forgotten pleads for online school and reopened the idea, maybe by some miracle online school will save me and "help me get caught up and ahead" but I doubt it, I'm an idiot who deserves to die. Why am I so fucking stupid, why am I like this? Why must I exist this way?
No hobbies or interest: I used to love a lot of things: reading, history, coming up with things in my head, videogames and, anything really. Now I have grown apathic to it all except videogames and even that dosen't bring much joy. I want to have my old hobbies back but lack the will to return. And I want new hobbies but yet lack will but also lacking knowing what I want to try. I'm lost with my freetime, it's all bleek and I want to fill my life with pastion. I still love videogames, always will but I need more then just gaming, I want more then gaming. I just want something, anything. I don't want to have such a lack of interest, God I fucking hate my life.
I have no future career goals: I'm sixteen and have no idea on what I want to do as an adult, some may say thats okay but it's not, not for me at least. I want to have a goal in the adult world, and even if that goal led to a path I don't like then I can always go down another path. Despite having no idea on what to do I at least know I don't want to be in an office. I could handle an office job, and be content with an office job but an office job isn't me, it isn't what sounds interesting, I would likely do blue collar or be my own boss. Some jobs I've considered and would do still are: police, SWAT police, house flipper, 911 operator, port worker, mechanic or something tinkeassemble like, enterpuner my book, film and games ideas or, open a store or bar or something. These are some jobs I've considered in the past that I would still see myself doing, I have also pondered over military/reserve but not sure. My childhood dream career that I still have a desire for is SWAT but I don't think I have what it takes, in fact I don't think I have what it takes for anything. I think all my life is destined to is dying homeless on a street corner, it's all I'll ever be "worthless".
I had so much planned, now failed: At age fourteen I planned to by now have a license, a job, a banking account, start savings. I planned to lose weight, I planned to have an idea outside of school, I had a plan. But I'm just a worthless peice of shit and a failure to myself, I don't even have a permit, no job, no savings, still fat, have no idea about the future, I failed myself.
Fidgeting: I can't stop but want to, at school I can't help but twiral a pencil around. I do it all the time at school but been trying to stop, I hate doing it. Worst part is I'm being immated by worthless cunts by it which is annoying. I want to stop this.
Masterbation addiction: I have a severe and low life addiction to masterbation. I do it at least once a day and sometimes mutiple times a day. The longest I was ever able to refrain was just a little over a week and only failed because I got bored. I need to jerk it to be able to sleep unless I'm desperately tired but even then. Also since I "need" it to sleep I regulary soil my sweatpants then sleep in it which is nasty. I can't control this vice, this low appetite and I'm deeply unhappy about it. Also unhappy that I might be ruining my endurence, a bit TMI but just another reason why this is harmful. I want to refrain or atleast drasticly cut out this pratice and fix myself.
I likely have more issues eating me inside as I waste away as a shell of a person but I can't really think of them. I am told my mom is looking into thearpy so that might be nice. Please just help me, I'm so lost and broken, I sometimes consider just ending it all but I just hope it can get good.
submitted by AlexandertheIght to selfimprovement [link] [comments]
I feel stupid: I honestly feel braindead, I hate my mind so much. Sometimes it's hard to think or do, sometimes I can't think or do. My mind is so numb, everything about my mind just feels wrong and dead. My mind has felt dead for a year or two now and I just wish it was alive, I want my mind to be normol, I want it to actually work. I also want confidence in my mind, any failure or lack of underatanding makes me defeated and feeling like a dunce. Anything I can do I say was just luck or something anyone should know. I don't know if I'm stupid or not but dam I feel like I am the dumbest in a room. I would give it all to be intelliegent, I wish I was smart, well read, well informed, well versed. I so desperately want to know, so desperately want to be smart. I wish I could understand stuff. I just want to be smart and have a bright alive mind, but my mind is so dead and desolate and compared to the rest worthless. I hit myself in my head whenever I'm mistaken or just feel so stupid, and I honestly deserve it. If I were to kill myself my mind being numb and stupid would be the reason or a big reason why, I just want to be smart. You can likely tell just how much of an idiot I am by reading this via grammer, spelling, complaints. That "likely" was meant to be "probaboly" but I'm just stupid and worthless to spell. If there was just a way to be smart and not such a moron, I fucking hate my life.
I have body issues: I without doubt have body issues, the biggest of which is my weight. As of now I am 5,9 (1.7M) and 211lbs (95.7KG), I was 246lbs (111kg) to begin with and it was also my heaviest. Despite losing a good amount of weight I am not happy and have no pride, I'm still fat and thats all I see sadly. I don't want to be fat or skinny, I want to be muscular:big arms, built chest, flat stomach, no abs (don't like them) that sounds appealing, it's what I want. Unfourtunely I as of now can't work to this goal, I don't have money for a gym or equipment, famliy funds can't do it ethier and awhile ago I turned down a weight bench since I wasn't confident, now I regret that choice. I hate being fat so much, and this deep hatred and desperation has led to a embarassing cycle, for two years now I have been downloading images of muscular bodies. They're all drawings or from videogames since I'm to embarresed to have real images and as mentioned it's a cycle, Download and store -> have them and look at them for awhile -> get ashamed of myself -> purge it all -> regret -> repeat. Like stated this has been going for two years and as of now I have ten different images. Apart from weight I also have some other physical insecurites, acne being a big one. I been suffering from acne for years, fifth grade, early sixth grade is when it started so five years of this. It mostly effects my chin and cheeks badly but also effects more of my face, sometimes the acne hurts and it often even bleeds. I hate touching my face and feeling grime and ripping off a bunch of skin and dried shit. I wash every night and try to be frequent with morning witch-hazel but it dosen't relent. I also hate it when it gets mentioned, it is irratating to be reminded and noticed and nobody points it out more then my own mom who also cliams it would go if I just washed. I do, I fucking do! It's not working and you don't understand that! I also have body acne I don't know how to fix, I like sleeping shirtless which I know is the reason, also inconsistent with bedding which isn't right. Even if I did wash sheets weekly it wouldn't be enough, I would still get acne on my body. I just want to sleep shirtless and not get acne, I wish I could find a way. Another insecurite but not really is my height, I don't mind being 5'9/5'10 I mean it's about average height and I beat out my 5'4 father. But I'm sixteen which mean I still have possibilty to get taller and I wonder, will I? If I do, just how tall? Could I reach 6'0+? All of this speculation makes me a bit insecure, also with being fat I look short and round in the mirror which is defeating. I'm secure besides speculation and weight but at the same time I truly want to be taller, I think any man tall or short wishes they were taller, I wish I could break 6'0 that would be cool (to me). But I don't think that will ever happen, my dad is 5'4, my mom is 5'6 I made it 5'9/5'10 and my chart is stagnating, should just stop thinking I'll get taller. Another phsyical insecurite and likely the last one I'll mention unless I think of another worthwhile one is my hair, I'm insecurie of my hairstyle. Or lack of hairstyle, my mom says I have independence in this choice but whenever I make a choice she complains about it. Any agreement is one sided or changed up a little so she likes it. I have always hated my hairstyles over the years, even now and as of now it's ethier her way or a unorgainzied thick mess that will soon be her way. I hate it, wish I could make my own "independent" choice, even if I could my mom would likely hate it and always bring it up which is something I don't want to deal with. My mom is more for short cuts and fades etc, I hate fades and while I do admire short hair have always taken liking to shagger and longer styles, more rugged style. I have also always liked long hair and even wanted it. I used to openly want long hair for a long time but my mom opposed, I tried to convince her but she was opposed. She wasn't only opposed to it she made sure to express that it was gay and feminine etc, etc. She made me close off and forgot the desire but even now she won't let go. She is so sure to tell everyone: famliy, her friends, the hairdresser, hell maybe even strangers, she tells everyone about how much I wanted it and what she thought of it etc. Often I have been embarresed like this while I was right there, I have expressed that this embarreses me and want it to stop mutiple times yet she'll continue almost as if it's purposeful, she will also bring up an old friend T who had long hair as an example of it looking bad. But he didn't take care of it or do anything, most he would do is give into his moms begging and have her brush it. If I had long hair I would actually take care of it and do stuff to it! She also claims I got the idea from him, but no I liked it since elementary being inspired by personal inkling and rock. I no longer want hair but am starting to find styles I really like, but first I need to get my mom to fuck off. And second I would want to grow a beard, which is another issue of mine. I'm sixteen I shouldn't expect a full beard but I have seen peers with actual good facial hair, patchy beards, five o'clocks, some actually have a beard. Then there is me, with some sideburns and a bunch of peachfuzz, I want to be able to grow a beard and the peachfuzz plus sideburns bother me, I want it to actually devlop, I want a beard. I am also worried about devlopment, worried acne will hurt or even stop growth. I'm upset about my lack of growth though I definetly have unrealistic expectations. Lastly with hair is my chest hair, I'm quite hairy and I like it. And I have chest hair but barely and I just wish I had more over a greater coverage, more of a funny insecurite, lol. One more insecurity I forgot about is my voice. I'm loud when talking and my voice isn't as deep as I wish so that sucks.
(copy and paste from older write) I wish I had a father: I don't have a father or any form of father figure, I'm fatherless and it hurts a lot. My father has been out of my life since I was elevenish/twelveish (the peak of covid passed), we kicked him out because he is and was a meth addict in and out of the jail. He was a fuctioning addict so not violent and not as obvious of an addict but the meth still took him over. My mother says she kept him around and gave him so many chances because she wanted him to be in my life as a father. But he was no father when he was around, he didn't parent me, he didn't play his role as a father and guide as a masculine role model, hell he likely didn't even truly care for me. My only memories of him really are going to McDonold's with him, after which he dumpster dived behind the plaza as I begged for us to go back home. Or me wanting to bond with him so he sets up the brilliant idea of dragging me around with his skechy friends, to skechy places, even at skechy times. I don't understand why I knew sooner, guess I was a stupid basterd but I started picking up that my dad was a bad person around fifth grade. By then I quickly found out more and more and tenstion was growing, by eleven we we're going to kick him out but covid struck it's height and our household seemed palpable. But very quickly we said fuck it and threw him to the curb, we weren't going to have it no longer. Soon after around thirteen I was happy that he was gone but slightly disappointed that I no longer had a father (even if he was useless) and I hoped my mom would find someone, not only for herself but for me. By fourteen this really layed in heavy on me and the lack of a father really bummed me out, I got really stupid and desperate using bitlife to create guys then add me and my mom in to create step father famlies even adding step siblings and shit. By late fourteen it was made clear to me by my mom that "we don't need no man" and that she was done with dating. I very well do need a father figure, every child needs one. Hell I as a guy truly need(ed) one, there are so many lessons and things that come from a fatheson relationship that are crucial to a boy and I missed out on them. Hell even when my dad was around I missed out on lessons, I still remember he was tasked to teach me how to tie my shoes but got mad at me struggling and walked away. He refused to help afterward and I refused to try and never to this day learned the proper way to tie, instead I have my own far less efficent method. I missed out on so much by not having a father and it hurts to know that and I just wish I had the knowledge, without a masculine role model I have definetly missed out what it is to be a man and likely am even a loser of a man. I just want a father so badly, I want what a father provides so badly, I want the bond that it comes with. I wish I just had a guy to talk to and bond with, I want a dad just so badly. I wish I had someone who taught me how to change a tire or fish and all that shit, but I'll never have it and it angers me, I am angry to be fatherless, I am angry and lost without a father figure, and I'm jealous. I kind of want to have children when the time comes, I wonder if I'll fail them as well.
Friends: Growing up I was always a bit introverted, I think it was of my nature but was amplafied by life. In elementary I often acquainted myself with people never having any close friends outside my after school program. Jumping to middle school I had a good friend-group but it turned out my good friend T was really an ass and I was pushed out by him in early nineth grade. Later in nineth I met my good friend, my best friend M. This year in tenth I was introduced to a friend named D by M. These are my only two friends and I'm happy with them, though there are a few issues. Not anything major but just a few things, like how we never do anything outside of school. The only thing I really miss about my old friendgroup is that we actually did shit: springs, houses, events, parks, attractions, food. Now me, M and, D don't and have never done anything outside of school and the computer. M likely couldn't do anything because of his famliy and D just seems completely disinterested and worried about money. But I wish we could really do something, sure videogames are fun but it would be fun if we could just goof off somewhere, be stupid. This is really the only general "issue" apart from that no major strain or issue in the friendgroup. But I do have a few personal grievences, starting with D. I think D has a darker side of him, he seems to not respect or care for me and will sometimes show it in nasty ways. He had told both me and M to kill ourselves, he attacks insecurites, he says rude shit, etc. Also with D, we have never truly connected, never gotten to know each other personally. Without M we would be mere acquaintance, M is the only reason why me and D are friends and being alone with each other is mostly silence and maybe him showing me a TikTok. Then M, I have no personal issues with M only small factors of our friendship I'm upset or worried about. Starting off with is school, halfway through this year (tenth) M started a FLVS-hybrid. I am happy for him and it's something we both expressed wanting but now I never really see him. I could see him at lunch but he dosen't really come in and only other time I can see him is leaving campus. I ethier catch him and barely have a conversation worthwhile or he's to far ahead and I got to give up trying to reach him. The only way to talk to my best friend nowadays really is Discord, and that isn't even reliable since his parents are often controlling the WI-FI or taking his stuff away. This means when I do talk to my friend it can suddenly be ended as he disconnects or I can't even. This sucks, it feels like I can't even talk to my best friend that much. But that isn't all, because I'm worried for my friend M. His parents don't sound the best from all he's told me, I won't share his issues but just as an example he didn't have a bedroom for two months. Hearing what we gose through is alreadly dishearting but something that I worry deeply about is him talking sucide. He has talked and half joked about it several times and it's worry, I been trying to discourage but he continues with it so now I'm just trying to ignore it. That is likely the wrong way of handling it but I just don't know what to do. I hope it's always bluff and he moves out and moves on with he can, I don't want him to kill himself.
I'm lonely: I'm sixteen but I'm lonely. I am the only one of my friends who hasn't had a relationship, I am not the most worried about that, I don't want to date just to date, I want to date to love. But hell I still wish I had a relationship, even just a sterotypical high-school one. But what I truly want is true love, I want a woman I love with all my heart and a woman who loves me with all of hers, I want a woman to provide for, to protect, to matter to. I want to marry and possibly have kids. I want to love someone, be there for someone. But will I ever even have that? I'm alreadly a loser who no woman would want and even then from what I've heard, "modren dating is terrible" so what chance do I even have? Will I ever have someone to love? I hope.
School: School makes me so misereble and dead, this place makes me genuinely want to off myself I hate it so much. And it seems to revolve around my whole life, even at home it's all my mom wants to bring up. I just need a break from it all but it seems like it's the only thing in my life, I don't really have anything else. I failed my nineth grade year, I failed since I'm a stupid, worthless peice of shit. But they "passed" me onto tenth, gave me tenth grade classes, test, etc but say I'm still nineth, tell me do nineth grade "remedation" online. Now I'm failing like a worthless peice of shit once again! I wish they held me back to try again but they didn't they just pushed me on, still likely would've failed like a worthless bitch but I could have had a chance. I fucking hate myself I'm so stupid and I hate my school for pushing my stupid ass onward and onward, I should just kill myself at this point. And when I try to reach out to my counselor in any hope for some chance of help the piss poor communcation at this school means it'll take days for a response, I can't even get reliable help over school. Back in middle school I had a GPA in the high 3s, I made honor roll every other quater or so, I had high grades and sucess. But in high-school, in nineth grade I failed with straight Fs and got a GPA of 0.7, now in tenth I have a 1.7 and sometimes get high grades but mostly fail. I just wish I wasn't so stupid, I just wish I was smart and successful at school. But I'm not, I'm a fucking idiot and an embarssment at school. And maybe it would all be okay if it wasn't for the assholes I am surrounded by, my fellow peers of this overcrowded hell hole. Just seems like I can never catch a break with having to deal with people. I just want to be left alone but they're is just always somebody wanting to bother me, harass me. Can sit at a desk then have a bunch of cunts around me, harass me, call me burgundy because of my shirt. Can sit down and be snickered at by the guys in front of me for whatever reason. Sit down and have paper, pencils, even ice hitting me. Sit down and have some imbecible pull up a chair and use my desk as his and block me in my seat because fuck me, am I right? Just want to be left alone but never am, nobody ever dose it's always something. I can't even get respect, not a single bit, just always mistreated. Hell just the other day when I was given my packet I was also mistakenly given the packet of a nearby girl, I get her attention and hand it to her and she just snaches it and mumbles something, because I can't even be respected, I'm worthless. And even when I'm not being directly bothered I got to deal with slow walkers, idiots who don't know how to inconvience everyone else in the halls, the over crowded school. It all fucking sucks I hate it all, everyday I think I'm on the verge of snapping but somehow just have more patience, I don't know how much more of this shit I can or have to endure. At least my mom finally reconsidered my old forgotten pleads for online school and reopened the idea, maybe by some miracle online school will save me and "help me get caught up and ahead" but I doubt it, I'm an idiot who deserves to die. Why am I so fucking stupid, why am I like this? Why must I exist this way?
No hobbies or interest: I used to love a lot of things: reading, history, coming up with things in my head, videogames and, anything really. Now I have grown apathic to it all except videogames and even that dosen't bring much joy. I want to have my old hobbies back but lack the will to return. And I want new hobbies but yet lack will but also lacking knowing what I want to try. I'm lost with my freetime, it's all bleek and I want to fill my life with pastion. I still love videogames, always will but I need more then just gaming, I want more then gaming. I just want something, anything. I don't want to have such a lack of interest, God I fucking hate my life.
I have no future career goals: I'm sixteen and have no idea on what I want to do as an adult, some may say thats okay but it's not, not for me at least. I want to have a goal in the adult world, and even if that goal led to a path I don't like then I can always go down another path. Despite having no idea on what to do I at least know I don't want to be in an office. I could handle an office job, and be content with an office job but an office job isn't me, it isn't what sounds interesting, I would likely do blue collar or be my own boss. Some jobs I've considered and would do still are: police, SWAT police, house flipper, 911 operator, port worker, mechanic or something tinkeassemble like, enterpuner my book, film and games ideas or, open a store or bar or something. These are some jobs I've considered in the past that I would still see myself doing, I have also pondered over military/reserve but not sure. My childhood dream career that I still have a desire for is SWAT but I don't think I have what it takes, in fact I don't think I have what it takes for anything. I think all my life is destined to is dying homeless on a street corner, it's all I'll ever be "worthless".
I had so much planned, now failed: At age fourteen I planned to by now have a license, a job, a banking account, start savings. I planned to lose weight, I planned to have an idea outside of school, I had a plan. But I'm just a worthless peice of shit and a failure to myself, I don't even have a permit, no job, no savings, still fat, have no idea about the future, I failed myself.
Fidgeting: I can't stop but want to, at school I can't help but twiral a pencil around. I do it all the time at school but been trying to stop, I hate doing it. Worst part is I'm being immated by worthless cunts by it which is annoying. I want to stop this.
Masterbation addiction: I have a severe and low life addiction to masterbation. I do it at least once a day and sometimes mutiple times a day. The longest I was ever able to refrain was just a little over a week and only failed because I got bored. I need to jerk it to be able to sleep unless I'm desperately tired but even then. Also since I "need" it to sleep I regulary soil my sweatpants then sleep in it which is nasty. I can't control this vice, this low appetite and I'm deeply unhappy about it. Also unhappy that I might be ruining my endurence, a bit TMI but just another reason why this is harmful. I want to refrain or atleast drasticly cut out this pratice and fix myself.
I likely have more issues eating me inside as I waste away as a shell of a person but I can't really think of them. I am told my mom is looking into thearpy so that might be nice. Please just help me, I'm so lost and broken, I sometimes consider just ending it all but I just hope it can get good.
2024.05.13 21:43 Gold_Tell_5036 Scored an A on ISYE6501 (Spring 2024), here to share my own tips
- Homework - they only takes up 15% of your final grade and are peer graded. The format is straightforward: here's the dataset, here's the problem, solve it using R (sometimes Excel). No strict right or wrong here, it's more about whether your peers think you've put in the effort and come to a decent conclusion. Some people write pages of analysis, some only have simple code and call it a day. How you score on your hw is up to your peers. Each Monday during office hours the TAs walk through how to approach the hw and provide you with some codes to start. Pro-tip: go to the TA office hours on Mondays. They break down how to tackle the homework and even throw some code your way. I have no prior experience in using R, so the first few weeks were pretty tough for me, but there're resources you can leverage. Give it your all early on, and the rest should flow smoother.
- Exams (50% total) - 2 midterms, 1 final. I don't think the exams are memorization heavy at all. Rather, they test you on how well you understand a concept and its operations in the real world (and how well you read questions lol cuz the exam questions can be sooooo tricky). Taking good notes from the lecture videos and have a good understanding of each concept from the start is more important. Prepare for the exams early, create good cheat sheet. They don't give you many practice exam problems like CSE6040 does, they give you a taste of how the question format will be like and that's about it.
- Course Project - peer graded just like the homework, you put in enough effort and have a reasonable conclusion, you're golden.
2024.05.13 17:35 jonte2221 Ace Those Business Projects
 | University business projects test your understanding and application of business concepts. Here's how to dominate them: submitted by jonte2221 to Usaonlineessays1 [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/ql1mi3nqq70d1.png?width=1170&format=png&auto=webp&s=9c1540dd7ea8a69b717a919c6b8619ff2dfa8ac2 Preparation is Key:
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2024.05.13 16:21 WonderfulFig8921 Well fk! Isse Accha fail kardete
 | submitted by WonderfulFig8921 to CBSE [link] [comments] |
2024.05.13 15:35 DragonFistZen guys rate my result outta 10
 | normally to 91.8% approx. ban rhe hain, IT nikal ke 92.something something. Best of 5 lagake 95%. Kaise hain ye? Ik maths mein hag diya, lekin mujhe kya maine 11th mein pcb li hai. submitted by DragonFistZen to CBSE [link] [comments] |
2024.05.13 14:38 AdventurousSeeker192 Element79 Gold Corp Completes Maverick Springs Option Deal (CSE:ELEM, OTC:ELMGF)
 |
Element79 Gold Corp. (CSE: ELEM) (OTC: ELMGF) (FSE: 7YS) has successfully concluded the Binding Option Agreement with Sun Silver Limited, resulting in the transfer of ownership of the Maverick Springs Project to Sun Silver. This achievement marks a significant step in Element79 Gold Corp.’s ongoing strategy to enhance shareholder value through judicious asset management and partnerships. https://preview.redd.it/9egq564su60d1.png?width=982&format=png&auto=webp&s=e190cb86d5eb58b7998ea3f7726c9f067edd60bd About Element79Element79 Gold (CSE: ELEM) (OTC: ELMGF) (FSE: 7YS), a mining entity focused on gold and silver, is strategically positioning itself for significant operational advancements. The company is on track to recommence production at its Lucero project in Arequipa, Peru, targeting a restart by 2024. Lucero, known for its high-grade deposits, stands as a cornerstone in Element79 Gold’s portfolio.In addition to its developments in Peru, Element79 Gold holds an impressive suite of assets along the Battle Mountain trend in Nevada. This includes the promising Clover and West Whistler projects, which show potential for rapid resource development. Notably, three properties within this portfolio are poised for sale to Valdo Minerals Ltd., with the transaction expected to be finalized in the first half of 2024. Expanding its geographical footprint, Element79 Gold is also making strides in British Columbia. The company has initiated a drilling program and signed a Letter of Intent to acquire a private company holding an option for 100% interest in the Snowbird High-Grade Gold Project. This project comprises 10 mineral claims located strategically near Fort St. James, reinforcing the company’s asset base in central British Columbia. Further enhancing its asset management strategy, Element79 Gold has moved its Dale Property, located approximately 100 km southwest of Timmins, Ontario, into a spin-out process through its wholly owned subsidiary, Synergy Metals Corp. This strategic realignment is aimed at maximizing shareholder value through efficient asset utilization and focused corporate structuring. https://preview.redd.it/kt1b29uzu60d1.png?width=982&format=png&auto=webp&s=4717370c1b6f860ff40bec7ea946632a9cae7f3b Highlights of Element79 Gold’s Strategic DevelopmentsSince its acquisition in 2021, Element79 Gold has diligently advanced the Maverick Springs project, culminating in an updated 43-101 compliant inferred resource estimation of 3.71 million ounces of gold equivalent (AuEq).In pursuit of strategic partnerships to further develop Maverick Springs, Element79 Gold’s management successfully negotiated and entered into a Binding Option Agreement with Sun Silver in August 2023. This pivotal move aligns with the company’s strategic focus on the high-grade Lucero Project in Peru, which boasts near-term production potential. The transaction with Sun Silver not only shifts the company’s focus but also realizes significant value for Maverick Springs. Originally acquired and carried at CAD $3.337 million, the project was sold for CAD $5.033 million, reflecting an impressive return on investment of 51% within 28 months. The sale generated substantial financial gains for Element79 Gold, amounting to CAD $4,400,000 in cash and 3,500,000 ordinary shares in Sun Silver, valued at AUD $0.20 per share (fair market value of AUD $700,000). These shares are anticipated to be listed on the Australian Stock Exchange around May 15, 2024. A portion of the proceeds, CAD $2,200,000, will be allocated to settle the loan tied to the Waterton Contingent Value Rights Agreement. The remaining funds will be strategically used to further the development of other corporate projects and operations, reducing both capital debt and accounts payable. This strategic financial management underscores Element79 Gold’s commitment to optimizing its asset portfolio and enhancing shareholder value in the competitive mining sector. Key Financial Highlights
James Tworek, CEO of Element 79 Gold Corp https://preview.redd.it/1fw6so24v60d1.png?width=982&format=png&auto=webp&s=e1f340d3184b7ed4016e30fb411c161a480f6d48 Collaboration with Artisanal Miners at Element79 GoldElement79 Gold (CSE: ELEM) (OTC: ELMGF) (FSE: 7YS) has actively engaged with local artisanal miners in Lomas Doradas to promote sustainable mining practices and community collaboration. In April, the company’s community relations team organized a significant meeting aimed at enhancing mutual support and establishing a formal collaboration for mineral extraction and ore sale processes.During this meeting, Element79 Gold presented draft contracts proposing 10-year surface access rights for exploration at the Lucero mine site, alongside similar access for local miners in designated areas. These agreements were intended to unify efforts and optimize ore market pricing, with the goal of creating mutual economic benefits. A critical follow-up meeting was held in Chachas on April 28th, where the community voted on these initiatives. This gathering aimed to solidify the partnership between Element79 Gold and the artisanal miners, moving towards formalizing their cooperative relationship and ensuring continued updates on the initiative’s progress. ConclusionElement79 Gold (CSE: ELEM) (OTC: ELMGF) (FSE: 7YS) is exemplifying strategic acumen and operational dexterity across its diverse portfolio. By actively managing its assets from the Lucero project in Peru to strategic ventures across Nevada and British Columbia, the company is effectively balancing exploration potential with financial stability. The successful negotiation and sale of the Maverick Springs project, alongside collaborative engagements like those with the artisanal miners of Lomas Doradas, highlight Element79 Gold’s commitment to ethical practices and community involvement. |
2024.05.13 14:38 AdventurousSeeker192 Element79 Gold Corp Completes Maverick Springs Option Deal (CSE:ELEM, OTC:ELMGF)
 |
Element79 Gold Corp. (CSE: ELEM) (OTC: ELMGF) (FSE: 7YS) has successfully concluded the Binding Option Agreement with Sun Silver Limited, resulting in the transfer of ownership of the Maverick Springs Project to Sun Silver. This achievement marks a significant step in Element79 Gold Corp.’s ongoing strategy to enhance shareholder value through judicious asset management and partnerships. https://preview.redd.it/p01wdwgru60d1.png?width=982&format=png&auto=webp&s=7127eed57fe0e0370ba02c5c3e61229efca2c745 About Element79Element79 Gold (CSE: ELEM) (OTC: ELMGF) (FSE: 7YS), a mining entity focused on gold and silver, is strategically positioning itself for significant operational advancements. The company is on track to recommence production at its Lucero project in Arequipa, Peru, targeting a restart by 2024. Lucero, known for its high-grade deposits, stands as a cornerstone in Element79 Gold’s portfolio.In addition to its developments in Peru, Element79 Gold holds an impressive suite of assets along the Battle Mountain trend in Nevada. This includes the promising Clover and West Whistler projects, which show potential for rapid resource development. Notably, three properties within this portfolio are poised for sale to Valdo Minerals Ltd., with the transaction expected to be finalized in the first half of 2024. Expanding its geographical footprint, Element79 Gold is also making strides in British Columbia. The company has initiated a drilling program and signed a Letter of Intent to acquire a private company holding an option for 100% interest in the Snowbird High-Grade Gold Project. This project comprises 10 mineral claims located strategically near Fort St. James, reinforcing the company’s asset base in central British Columbia. Further enhancing its asset management strategy, Element79 Gold has moved its Dale Property, located approximately 100 km southwest of Timmins, Ontario, into a spin-out process through its wholly owned subsidiary, Synergy Metals Corp. This strategic realignment is aimed at maximizing shareholder value through efficient asset utilization and focused corporate structuring. https://preview.redd.it/nrknax6zu60d1.png?width=982&format=png&auto=webp&s=e1b74f423be2ae7a0f18b2e445ae9d1a02bc768c Highlights of Element79 Gold’s Strategic DevelopmentsSince its acquisition in 2021, Element79 Gold has diligently advanced the Maverick Springs project, culminating in an updated 43-101 compliant inferred resource estimation of 3.71 million ounces of gold equivalent (AuEq).In pursuit of strategic partnerships to further develop Maverick Springs, Element79 Gold’s management successfully negotiated and entered into a Binding Option Agreement with Sun Silver in August 2023. This pivotal move aligns with the company’s strategic focus on the high-grade Lucero Project in Peru, which boasts near-term production potential. The transaction with Sun Silver not only shifts the company’s focus but also realizes significant value for Maverick Springs. Originally acquired and carried at CAD $3.337 million, the project was sold for CAD $5.033 million, reflecting an impressive return on investment of 51% within 28 months. The sale generated substantial financial gains for Element79 Gold, amounting to CAD $4,400,000 in cash and 3,500,000 ordinary shares in Sun Silver, valued at AUD $0.20 per share (fair market value of AUD $700,000). These shares are anticipated to be listed on the Australian Stock Exchange around May 15, 2024. A portion of the proceeds, CAD $2,200,000, will be allocated to settle the loan tied to the Waterton Contingent Value Rights Agreement. The remaining funds will be strategically used to further the development of other corporate projects and operations, reducing both capital debt and accounts payable. This strategic financial management underscores Element79 Gold’s commitment to optimizing its asset portfolio and enhancing shareholder value in the competitive mining sector. Key Financial Highlights
James Tworek, CEO of Element 79 Gold Corp https://preview.redd.it/qmqcxwo4v60d1.png?width=982&format=png&auto=webp&s=94e6e456374dd72a7b6096b7d8fdae9defdb3938 Collaboration with Artisanal Miners at Element79 GoldElement79 Gold (CSE: ELEM) (OTC: ELMGF) (FSE: 7YS) has actively engaged with local artisanal miners in Lomas Doradas to promote sustainable mining practices and community collaboration. In April, the company’s community relations team organized a significant meeting aimed at enhancing mutual support and establishing a formal collaboration for mineral extraction and ore sale processes.During this meeting, Element79 Gold presented draft contracts proposing 10-year surface access rights for exploration at the Lucero mine site, alongside similar access for local miners in designated areas. These agreements were intended to unify efforts and optimize ore market pricing, with the goal of creating mutual economic benefits. A critical follow-up meeting was held in Chachas on April 28th, where the community voted on these initiatives. This gathering aimed to solidify the partnership between Element79 Gold and the artisanal miners, moving towards formalizing their cooperative relationship and ensuring continued updates on the initiative’s progress. ConclusionElement79 Gold (CSE: ELEM) (OTC: ELMGF) (FSE: 7YS) is exemplifying strategic acumen and operational dexterity across its diverse portfolio. By actively managing its assets from the Lucero project in Peru to strategic ventures across Nevada and British Columbia, the company is effectively balancing exploration potential with financial stability. The successful negotiation and sale of the Maverick Springs project, alongside collaborative engagements like those with the artisanal miners of Lomas Doradas, highlight Element79 Gold’s commitment to ethical practices and community involvement. |
2024.05.13 13:46 Shampoo_3456 class 10th results hmm.
 | so i got 88.4%(excluding IT) and I'm not so happy.. not so sad.. just somewhere between idk. submitted by Shampoo_3456 to CBSE [link] [comments] tho I was expecting these marks.. nd even had told my parents nd relatives that I won't even cross 90% nd I was right about it lol. life's shit anyways. nd to worsen it I've opted for neet. how much of a disappointment I am lmao. |
2024.05.13 13:20 Royal-Dot2 Parents khush mai khush
 | Got 96.6% english + top 4 subject submitted by Royal-Dot2 to CBSE [link] [comments] |
2024.05.13 10:28 Ecstatic-Light-3699 Nawwwwww I AM CRYING 😭😭
 | submitted by Ecstatic-Light-3699 to CBSE [link] [comments] |
2024.05.13 10:12 TrainingBlueberry915 Yaar expect kar raha tha science mei 100.
 | submitted by TrainingBlueberry915 to CBSE [link] [comments] |
2024.05.13 09:55 Roid1234568 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
 | 😭😭 submitted by Roid1234568 to CBSE [link] [comments] |
2024.05.13 09:24 Adventurous_Hat_5095 I failed what should i do
 | submitted by Adventurous_Hat_5095 to CBSE [link] [comments] |
2024.05.13 08:12 RuleHuge8087 GOD JI TUSSI GREAT HO
 | submitted by RuleHuge8087 to Bitsatards [link] [comments] |
2024.05.13 01:53 AppHelper Forget "Spike Theory." Be an intellectual and follow the "Five Cs" of academic ECs.
TLDR: A “spike” isn’t enough for top colleges. In the course of pursuing diverse extracurricular activities, you should prove that you are “intellectual” by demonstrating curiosity, competence, communication, context-awareness, and critical thinking.
I’ve often said that all colleges are looking for students who are intellectually curious, but the most competitive colleges are looking for students who are intellectual. To create actionable advice on how to demonstrate both intellectual curiosity and intellectualism, I have developed what I call the “Five Cs” of intellectual pursuits: curiosity, competence, communication, context-awareness, and critical thinking. I’ll explain what I mean by each and suggest some ways you can demonstrate them. (These suggestions are illustrative, not exhaustive.)
Context-awareness includes thinking about a subject from different perspectives and disciplines. Let’s say you’re interested in cars. You can think and learn about cars from many different approaches:
Context-awareness also includes understanding how the discipline developed and the major figures—past and present—who have contributed to the discipline.
This type of thinking is not often emphasized in high-school STEM curricula, especially those in other countries that focus more on rote memorization and repetition of techniques within a strict rubric. Demonstrating that you understand and appreciate context reflects that you are prepared for future academic pursuits and a multidisciplinary, integrative approach.
Those familiar with the principles of AI know that context-awareness is a basic concept there too. GPTs trained on large datasets (like ChatGPT) are so good because they have a lot of context. In essence, the more context-aware a human or machine is, the “smarter” they are perceived.
A few examples of the kinds of students and activities I’ve helped them develop are:
Your essays and LORs should demonstrate context-awareness, especially if the nature of your ECs do not immediately make it evident. In fact, this is the primary purpose of any EC essays and a potential primary or secondary purpose of your main essay and “community” essays. That’s not to say your main essay necessarily has to be about your ECs, but if you’ve developed your ECs with a related theme across disciplines and they involve your personal skills and/or identity, it’s likely you have a lot to say about them. This will probably include unique personal feelings, experiences, and perspectives—all important ingredients in a successful essay.
There are certainly impactful activities that involve the other categories and not intellectual pursuits, but those activities can become more relevant to a college application if given an “intellectualized” context through essays.
For example, I had a Chinese-national student living in Italy who organized a charity run around the Aurelian walls of Rome, his home city. The run wasn’t huge; it had fewer than 50 participants and raised €800, a very small impact compared to what a lot of applicants accomplish these days. The essay was mostly about navigating Italy’s notorious bureaucracy and slow-moving commerce to make the run happen. But his main intellectual interest was in classics, so I suggested that he incorporate some appreciation for history and the juxtaposition of ancient structures with a modern, bustling city, plus Latin and Italian phrases here and there for some “flavor.” In the essay he was able to take a kind-of-interesting but lackluster EC and tie it to his intellectual interests. This was ultimately appealing to the multiple T20s he got into (including a very competitive joint business-degree program).
Essays based on “Spike Theory” include some context-awareness with respect to personal passions and world-changing aspirations, but the strategy is generally not as nuanced and sophisticated as the one I’m describing.
However, the main way to prove your critical thinking skills is through your essays. That’s not easy to do, but you can get an early start on what your application might look like.
Whether you’re an eighth- or ninth-grader planning your extracurricular activities or a senior preparing to write about your personal passions, leadership experiences, cultural background, and community service, ask yourself:
The most successful applications reflect intellectualism at their core. By developing the “five Cs” of intellectual pursuits, integrating them throughout your activities, and incorporating them into your application, you can demonstrate that you are ready for a liberal arts or engineering education at the highest level.
submitted by AppHelper to ApplyingToCollege [link] [comments]
What’s Wrong With Spike Theory?
“Spike Theory,” one of the most popular approaches to admissions strategy, is based on the idea that by accepting students with “spikes” in different areas, colleges can create a well-rounded class. Creating a spike is about demonstrating that you are extremely passionate about something, preferably excel at it, and can communicate its importance to you in your essays. But “Spike Theory” basically stops there, and it’s not enough anymore. With such a large applicant pool, it is very difficult to stand out with passion and excellence. The amount of time and energy required to be “excellent enough” to constitute a “spike” is likely to compromise other important parts of the application (such as academics and test scores, and possibly leadership). And if you are “outspiked” by other applicants, what’s left to make a strong argument for your admission? Additionally, from a college’s perspective, there may simply be too many spikes to choose from. Even the “longest” spike may not be the “missing piece” they’re looking for.Types of ECs
In helping students think about planning and describing their extracurricular activities, I use a framework of five categories:- Intellectual pursuits outside the classroom
- Leadership
- Service (community/social/environmental)
- Personal skill development/hobbies
- Physical activity There might be some rare exceptions for physical activity, and Depending on the applicant’s goals and obligations, I might add the categories of “business/career-oriented” and “family responsibilities.” But otherwise, I consider each of these five essential no matter what an applicant wants to study. My strategy is not just to make sure each of the categories is checked off, but to find and innovate activities that fit into multiple categories. The more categories an activity covers, the more unique and memorable that activity tends to be. The “spike” lies not in the degree of achievement, but in its uniqueness. (A word repeated often by a former MIT and Cornell admissions officer I work with is “singular.”)
I’ve often said that all colleges are looking for students who are intellectually curious, but the most competitive colleges are looking for students who are intellectual. To create actionable advice on how to demonstrate both intellectual curiosity and intellectualism, I have developed what I call the “Five Cs” of intellectual pursuits: curiosity, competence, communication, context-awareness, and critical thinking. I’ll explain what I mean by each and suggest some ways you can demonstrate them. (These suggestions are illustrative, not exhaustive.)
CURIOSITY
What It Is
Interest in a topic.Why It’s Important
All colleges are looking for students who love to learn. The reason is very straightforward: colleges are first and foremost places of learning, and colleges want students who are motivated to learn. Curiosity also drives deeper inquiry and lifelong learning, which are highly valued in academic (and many professional) settings.How to Demonstrate
- Online classes from reputable companies, institutions, and instructors
- Academic competitions (such as AMC and Olympiads)
- Reading
- Debate and other academic club involvement
- Attending lectures
- Academic summer programs
- Research projects
COMPETENCE
What It Is
Being good at something.Why It’s Important
Except for recruited athletes, certain fine arts students, a few politically connected applicants, and some legacies, colleges admit primarily on the basis of academic potential. Someone who is intellectually talented is generally more likely to succeed academically and contribute to a discipline. With so many students applying with perfect grades, pursuits outside the classroom (to any degree of success) will often be what sets an applicant apart.How to Demonstrate
Any form of external recognition by a qualified and competent authority:- Olympiad medals
- Peer-reviewed papers
- LORs from established academics or experienced team coaches attesting to your talents
- High accolades in summer programs
- Debate/MUN/mock trial achievements that are judged by adults (not student judges)
- AP scores in subjects you have studied independently (yes, I know this is controversial, but I’m standing by it)
COMMUNICATION
What It Is
Demonstrating that you understand something through written and spoken words.Why It’s Important
Success in college depends on good communication skills. American classrooms can be very interactive, with group projects in STEM classes and labs, and discussion-heavy seminars in all disciplines. The ability to explain complex topics in simple terms is valued because it suggests the ability to do well on exams and serve as an informal mentostudy partner or formal teaching assistant (TA). At US colleges, undergraduates often serve as TAs for younger students, sometimes as early as sophomore year. TAs with high proficiency in English are especially valued, as a common complaint among undergraduates at Ivies and other top colleges is poor English proficiency of graduate-student TAs.How to Demonstrate
- Receiving recognition for papers, orations, and presentations from an authority familiar with the skills at the level of those who attend top universities.
- Effectively tutoring others in high-school level subjects.
- Being involved in a successful team, especially if writing is involved.
- Your essays may also give you a chance to explain intellectual concepts as you describe your specific interests.
- For international students, high scores on the Speaking and Writing sections of the TOEFL or IELTS exams or Production section of the Duolingo English Test. (I’ve written and argued more extensively about this elsewhere, but I’m not sure I can link to it here.)
CONTEXT-AWARENESS
What It Is
Understanding the connection of what you’re learning to other disciplines, its practical applications, and how it fits into the corpus of human knowledge.Context-awareness includes thinking about a subject from different perspectives and disciplines. Let’s say you’re interested in cars. You can think and learn about cars from many different approaches:
Physical Sciences and Engineering
- The engineering of engines and motors.
- Materials science and wear analysis for gears, tires and other moving parts.
- The overall engineering design and integration of automobile components.
- Destructive testing and crash analysis.
- The basic sciences of how cars work: fuel chemistry, thermodynamics, electromagnetism, battery electrochemistry, aerodynamics, and deformation mechanics.
- The environmental impact of automobiles.
- The impact of automobiles on human physiology and health.
Computer Science and Engineering
- Technologies and algorithms for self-driving cars and driver aids including computer vision, feedback, LIDAR, etc.
- Software and hardware for entertainment and driver interfaces.
- Programming of firmware for engine control units and other operational systems.
Economics and Business
- Issues in international trade, including protectionism, tariffs, trade deficits, labor impact, and capital flow.
- The structure and governance of automotive companies.
- How automotive companies brand and market their products.
- Resale models involving showrooms, franchised dealerships, licensing, and the used car market.
- Labor issues such as unionization and workplace safety.
- Automotive financing and car companies as lenders and bond issuers.
Other Social Sciences
- The effect of the automobile on urban and suburban development, population distribution, and commercial activities.
- The automobile as a status symbol and the significance of certain cars among different ethnic and socioeconomic groups.
- The effects of car ownership on teen and young-adult independence.
Fine Arts and Humanities
- The artistry of designing a car’s visual appearance taking into account mandatory features, ergonomics, safety regulations, and other constraints.
- 3D modeling.
- The history of automotive technology and trends in its development.
- The role of the automobile in popular culture such as movies and TV.
- The car as a place for media consumption, such as radio and drive-in movies.
- The study of the history, organization, and/or cultural significance of motorsports.
Context-awareness also includes understanding how the discipline developed and the major figures—past and present—who have contributed to the discipline.
Why It’s Important
This liberal arts approach is not restricted to “liberal arts colleges.” Ivy League undergraduate programs have a liberal arts curriculum, even if they are in a specific business or engineering school. There will always be humanities and social science requirements even for business and engineering students, and all top colleges (including MIT and Caltech) emphasize an interdisciplinary approach that includes humanities and social sciences. They may have slightly different traits and accomplishments they’re looking for, but an interdisciplinary approach is something they all share. If you can demonstrate that you are already inclined toward this type of thinking, you are more likely to be seen as a good “fit” for any top university.This type of thinking is not often emphasized in high-school STEM curricula, especially those in other countries that focus more on rote memorization and repetition of techniques within a strict rubric. Demonstrating that you understand and appreciate context reflects that you are prepared for future academic pursuits and a multidisciplinary, integrative approach.
Those familiar with the principles of AI know that context-awareness is a basic concept there too. GPTs trained on large datasets (like ChatGPT) are so good because they have a lot of context. In essence, the more context-aware a human or machine is, the “smarter” they are perceived.
How to Demonstrate
ECs that combine intellectual pursuits with service, leadership, and/or personal skill development demonstrate that the subject is important to (respectively) society at large, other individuals in your community, and/or yourself and your personal growth. Those are contexts for learning. You should identify and develop your passions, and then use your application to demonstrate that you are well suited to a top university. In other words, as you develop your profile and craft your application, you will give the impression not that you’re doing your ECs “for college,” but rather you’re going to college *to pursue your ECs*. And if you’re genuinely passionate about something and are able to develop your intellect along the way, that will actually be true.A few examples of the kinds of students and activities I’ve helped them develop are:
- An accomplished dancer designing a tactile stage to allow blind people to dance, and giving them lessons.
- Someone interested in the life sciences advocating for cancer awareness and overseeing the manufacturing of prostheses while studying biology of cancer.
- An experienced martial artist studying the psychology and physiology of sexual assault (in both attacker and victim) while teaching self-defense to women in her community.
Your essays and LORs should demonstrate context-awareness, especially if the nature of your ECs do not immediately make it evident. In fact, this is the primary purpose of any EC essays and a potential primary or secondary purpose of your main essay and “community” essays. That’s not to say your main essay necessarily has to be about your ECs, but if you’ve developed your ECs with a related theme across disciplines and they involve your personal skills and/or identity, it’s likely you have a lot to say about them. This will probably include unique personal feelings, experiences, and perspectives—all important ingredients in a successful essay.
There are certainly impactful activities that involve the other categories and not intellectual pursuits, but those activities can become more relevant to a college application if given an “intellectualized” context through essays.
For example, I had a Chinese-national student living in Italy who organized a charity run around the Aurelian walls of Rome, his home city. The run wasn’t huge; it had fewer than 50 participants and raised €800, a very small impact compared to what a lot of applicants accomplish these days. The essay was mostly about navigating Italy’s notorious bureaucracy and slow-moving commerce to make the run happen. But his main intellectual interest was in classics, so I suggested that he incorporate some appreciation for history and the juxtaposition of ancient structures with a modern, bustling city, plus Latin and Italian phrases here and there for some “flavor.” In the essay he was able to take a kind-of-interesting but lackluster EC and tie it to his intellectual interests. This was ultimately appealing to the multiple T20s he got into (including a very competitive joint business-degree program).
Essays based on “Spike Theory” include some context-awareness with respect to personal passions and world-changing aspirations, but the strategy is generally not as nuanced and sophisticated as the one I’m describing.
CRITICAL THINKING
What It Is
Examining the nature of the discipline, the characteristics of the approach you’re taking, and the effect of inquiry itself on how we understand the world.Why It’s Important
This is the goal of a liberal arts education. You need to learn the facts, master them, communicate your thoughts effectively, and understand why something is important and how to approach a topic from multiple disciplines—all so you can learn to think critically. I won’t get into all the different forms of criticism, but there are many. You may have heard of controversial topics like “critical race theory” or “textual criticism,” but criticism includes (usually) less inflammatory topics. The classical modes of thought such as thesis/antithesis/synthesis (together “analysis”) are about understanding the facts and their context, then thinking critically to come up with novel ideas. These are the modes of thought that are taught and applied in elite colleges.How To Demonstrate
You can select ECs that help you develop critical thinking skills, but that’s just a start. Olympiads can do this only to a limited extent; problem-solving within a discipline is a form of critical thinking, but not quite the interdisciplinary kind colleges value most. Your ability to synthesize information and innovate ideas as part of your ECs is generally reflected in LORs and awards specifically established to recognize critical thinking.However, the main way to prove your critical thinking skills is through your essays. That’s not easy to do, but you can get an early start on what your application might look like.
Whether you’re an eighth- or ninth-grader planning your extracurricular activities or a senior preparing to write about your personal passions, leadership experiences, cultural background, and community service, ask yourself:
- Why am I doing this?
- What are the fundamental issues I’m trying to address?
- Is what I’m doing or plan to do really the best approach?
- Am I making the right assumptions, or might they be erroneous or out-of-date?
- Is (or was) my activity, cause, or project the best use of my resources? If not, what would be?
The most successful applications reflect intellectualism at their core. By developing the “five Cs” of intellectual pursuits, integrating them throughout your activities, and incorporating them into your application, you can demonstrate that you are ready for a liberal arts or engineering education at the highest level.
2024.05.12 22:37 karenvideoeditor [The Zoo] - Part 1
I’ll start with the job posting, I guess. I spotted it on Indeed while making my daily check for anything and everything that would hire someone with my biology degree, and it seemed on the up and up. Their website looked decent, the guy on the phone sounded nice, and I was looking for anything even slightly related to working with wildlife. Being a nightshift guard at a zoo was fine, especially when I took the incredibly generous rate of $25/hr. into account. That’s eleven bucks more than my dad makes at the local grocer, and he’s been working there for thirteen years. Then again, from the P.S. on the posting, I thought there might be good reason for the rate.
It said at the end, almost as an afterthought, ‘Zoo is haunted.’
When it comes to ghosts, they’ve never made much sense to me. Considering how badly our brains function from just getting jostled around on a football field, I’m not sure how ghosts could exist without a brain at all. I’d be excited as the next person to find proof, but YouTube videos are always fishy and the people on TV are essentially actors who only focus on the entertainment factor for their ratings. So, since I’d never seen anything that vaguely resembled a ghost, I’d say binge-watching Supernatural on Netflix last year was the extent of my experience in that department.
It seemed that the zoo hadn’t been here for long since it wasn’t even on Google Maps yet. There was a bit of a commute, it was half an hour away, but since I’d worked local jobs while I attended college online for the past four years, I’d saved up the money to buy a car. It wasn’t anything fancy, just an old Nissan sedan that I’d bought from someone in the next town over, with faded red paint and a mismatched back right door painted blue. It accomplished the job of transportation, though, which let me search the job market further away, a good thing considering how small a town I lived in. I really didn’t want to leave home yet, so moving for a job in a city or another state wasn’t an appealing option.
The website said very little. It had yet to fill in drop down menus that would excitedly describe their attractions. So far it only had some small sections about conservation and education, though that was intriguing because it mentioned that all the animals they had were endangered. I read that notation and wondered what the animals were. Mammals were always favorites of mine, which I know is a bit of a cliché, loving the furry ones. But when it comes down to it, I’ll take any animal over a person.
The employee entrance to the zoo was a door in the large steel gate that surrounded the property, a few yards down from the sliding gate that presumably opened to let visitors in. I pressed the button on a panel beside it, glancing up at the camera, and I was buzzed in. There was a short path that led to the building near the front and I knocked politely before going inside.
The interviewer, a plain metal nameplate on his desk describing him as Director of Security for the zoo, welcomed me in and sat on the other side of his desk, lounging back in his desk chair. His name was Andrew Higgs, and he had a British accent, which I thought was cool. I sat in one of the two loveseats in front of the desk.
Andrew was dressed business casual, with a blue Polo shirt, a thin black jacket, and I saw he was wearing slacks when he stood up to shake my hand. He was black, with dreadlocks that stopped just short of his shoulders, and a closely trimmed mustache. There was a tattoo, an artistic rendition of a hippo, on the right side of his neck, which bode well in my opinion. So many places hiring these days were overly uptight about their employees’ appearance, but it seemed that wouldn’t be the case here.
We went over the basics before he picked up the piece of paper off his desk, my resume, which he’d printed out. “Well, I spoke to all three of your references,” Andrew noted. “They had some good things to say. You were a great employee on the farm you worked last summer, your boss said. Punctual, hard-working, took instructions well…”
That was nice to hear. I’d spent this past summer working at a dairy farm, mostly assigned to the goats and cows they kept for milk. Aside from the staggering muscle pain that tapered from agony to merely miserable by the end of the summer, it wasn’t a bad job. I did have an old shoulder injury that I always had to work around, but it was my left shoulder and I was a righty, so it wasn’t that difficult to manage.
If anything, the muscle pain in my back and legs from being on my feet all day distracted from the typical issue I dealt with. My standard exercising day-to-day was typically either riding my bike or yoga, although yoga is mind-numbingly boring, so I need to listen to a podcast to pass the time. So, in fact, through the job, I was sort of grateful that my brain was focusing on a different area of my body that was in pain. Yeah, chronic pain is weird.
“He also said you don’t work well with others,” Andrew added, glancing up to me. “You kept submitting complaints about incompetent coworkers?”
I pursed my lips and let out a long breath through my nose, considering the most delicate way I was capable of replying to that before saying, “I dislike stupid people.”
Andrew gave me a half-smile and sighed, replying, “Well, I must confess I’m not fond of them either.” He looked back down to the paper. “This job will be a great fit for you.”
The job interview seemed like a formality, and I don’t know why. I was twenty-three and the ink had barely dried on my degree from the online college I’d attended. I’d been applying to jobs for months and had been thrilled when I’d gotten a call for an interview for this one, but also surprised. Call me a cynic, but I expected more invasive questions about any past work I’d done for a job in security, since I was a woman.
It's not like I was petite. Actually, the most common word I’d heard to describe me is ‘built’, and I fall short of being labeled overweight only because of muscle mass. One comment I recall from high school was being teased for being shaped like a rectangle. Even so, there was no good reason to look a gift horse in the mouth, but of course, me being me, that meant I examined its teeth closely.
“So, you’re hiring me? Just like that? Why?”
Andrew, chuckled. “Look, you’ve got BA in wildlife biology, and specializing in animal behavior is just the cherry on the sundae. That tells me you know animals are not people, and even if you feel like you know them, they can still be unpredictable. They can hurt you. But also, it makes me know you care.”
I suppose that did make sense, and it was true, so I’m glad he knew that. Most of my job on the night shift would be watching cameras and then walking around the place to make sure all the animals were as they should be, but it was more than that. Working at a zoo meant knowing where the line was, and sometimes it wasn’t exactly at the fence, but sometimes just putting a single finger through that fence meant losing that finger. As a whole, humans are generally idiots. Looking at you, anyone who really, honestly thinks that a bobcat would sense your boundless love enough to let you pat it.
“The website didn’t have much about the animals,” I said. “I know this place is new, so you might not have info on them up on the site yet. Do you have a map for me?”
“Oh, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” Andrew said with a wave of his hand. At that point, it had seemed to be a reasonable thing for him to say, but I will tell you, the reason was not what I thought. “Just to confirm, you’re not an early bird, Miss Mason? This schedule isn’t a concern?”
I shook my head. “Nah, I’m pretty talented at sleeping in, actually. I never really got past that teenage talent of staying up until five and sleeping in until three. And you can just call me Ripley.”
That made him smile. “Good. Then I won’t worry about you falling asleep on the job, Ripley.”
“Oh, no way.”
“All right. So. You saw the note at the end of the job posting?”
He just stared at me and I was forced to answer, “That the zoo is haunted.”
“Right. What are your thoughts on that?”
There was no easy answer to that question, especially depending on how seriously he took it. “Do you know the best word the Brits gave to us?”
“What’s that?”
“Bollocks.”
Andrew slowly smiled and pointed at me with the end of the pen in his hand. “I think I’m going to like you,” he remarked. “Look…this is the part of the interview where we switch gears. If this was a regular zoo, you’d be a shoo-in for the job. But we’ve got other boxes to check. This outfit is…basically a preservation society. As you saw on the site, all the species are endangered, but what it didn’t say online is that the only people who came to visit are private parties.”
“So, that means…what?” I asked. “You bring in super-rich people who feel special when they get to see the animals you’re rehabilitating and taking care of? Then they donate oodles of money so they can brag to their rich friends about their charity contributions and having seen the animals here?”
Andrew raised his eyebrows. “Pretty much got it in one. It’s just more preservation and less rehabilitation. And a lot of our patrons really do care about the animals, or else they would just donate and not visit. You’ll see tourists a couple times a week, but we decided not to have anyone until we’re settled in here, and that means a person who’s on during the night shift that I can count on. And I don’t know if I can count on you yet.”
“Wait, I’ll see the tourists?” I asked. “They visit at night?”
“Everything we have is nocturnal,” he told me. That struck me as odd, but he continued before I could question it. “Listen up, and I’ll start with the basics. Have you ever seen anything weird? Possibly supernatural?”
“Nope,” I said with a shrug.
The fact is, I got along with my classmates, but I never did have any close friends. So, I thought maybe that’s why I missed out on all those reckless teen moments that started every horror movie. Maybe it left me without a bunch of exciting stories to tell. But hey, at least I didn’t break my leg falling through the floor of an abandoned building in eleventh grade.
Yes, that happened. It was a classmate of mine by the name of Brent. And yes, he’s just as much of a moron as you would imagine.
“If you see the ghost here,” he said, his tone emphatic, “will you freak out?”
I paused. “You’ve seen the ghost?”
“All the time,” Andrew told me. “It’s a young woman in a blue shirt and tan slacks, looks like she just walked out of a lake.”
“Do you have a picture?”
“No, and absolutely no photos or video are to be taken of her,” he said, his tone abruptly turning stern. “It’s cause for immediate dismissal. We have video cameras for security, but they all record off-site in a secure location, and Suzanne Cooper, the owner, manages it herself. Firstly, the ghost deserves privacy rather than exploitation, she’s not to be displayed like one of our animals, but secondly, people believe in ghosts. One leaked photo of her connecting it to us means we get overrun by ghost hunters, and if we trace it back to you, you’re done.”
Andrew seemed next-level serious about that, so I nodded. “Understood. That makes sense.”
The animals were the priority after all, I knew. I preferred them over people anyway, and that included dead people. Even if I could get a video of this ghost doing cartwheels back and forth through a wall, I would never post it and spread word of where I’d taken it. Andrew was right; the zoo would never get the paranormally-obsessed to stay away and would definitely have to relocate.
He continued, “If you’re curious, she’s never so much as tried to hurt anyone. But the zoo has moved before, and she moved with us.”
“She moved with you?” I asked, my eyebrows rising. “Is it like one of those stories where she’s attached to something in the zoo rather than a place?”
“More complicated than that,” he said. Then he grimaced. “She died because she was too ambitious with one of our animals. It never should have happened, but she… She was foolish, you’d say. Attempted to interact with one of the animals, got too close, and honestly, she should have known better. I thought she did.”
“Holy shit,” I whispered. “What killed her?”
He stared at his hands and shook his head. “It was before my time.”
It was clear Andrew was a true believer, but I still really wasn’t sure at that point. How was I supposed to react, though? Zoos have fences and tall barriers for a good reason. Not just to keep the animals away from us, but also the other way around, and ‘death by stupidity’ is not uncommon amongst humans. So, the story wasn’t outrageous, but still, I’d never so much as experienced something unexplainable. But if I saw a ghost, I suppose that’d be that.
“I just need to know, plain and simple, if you’re the kind of person who can handle things that are terrifying,” Andrew told me, splaying his hands. “Our last night shift bloke there was with us for years and years, but we spent months going through other employees. There were six we tried before we found him.”
“Six?” I exclaimed.
He snorted. “Yes, six. Let’s see…” Andrew counted off each one on his fingers. “The first two, the first night they saw the ghost, they lost it. One called me in a panic, babbling, and I had to get out of bed and drive to the zoo to send him home, and the second quit, although at least she made it to the next morning and didn’t drag me out here,” he said, his voice thoughtful. “They just thought I was blowing smoke up their bums with the whole thing.”
He shrugged. “Then, the third one was a bloke who was asleep when I got there in the morning, so I had to fire him. Then another ghost freak-out. The fifth bloke was someone who couldn’t deal with the animals, and then the sixth was so scared of the ghost that when I got here, he was already outside the zoo, pacing, waiting for my car. Apparently he’d said some stuff, rude or mean or whatnot, to try to get her to leave him alone and she had followed him back into the security room, so he fled. I need the opposite of those folks. Alright?”
At this point, I was starting to take it more seriously. Sure, this could just be Andrew’s thing, that he believed in ghosts and then made up these sightings to ensure I believed him. But if I saw her? What would I do?
Well, this would be my job, so I would have to take it seriously. Maybe that was why the pay was so good, to make employees think twice before ditching it. From Andrew’s perspective, if it really was haunted, he was the one who had to deal with applicant after applicant quitting as soon as they laid eyes on the guest who would never leave.
“So…honestly, I can’t say I won’t freak out, considering how next level this is,” I told him, feeling compelled to go with honesty, “but yeah. I think I can handle it, mostly because it’s important for someone to look after this place, look after the animals, so I’d do my best to work around anything that freaks me out. I mean, I have to say that I’ll believe it when I see it. But if ghosts really exist, as long as it isn’t some serial killer who stuck around to keep gutting people, I’ve always thought it’d be cool to find out we can exist after we die.”
The thing is, I think I did believe him. I thought there might really be a ghost there, because otherwise, why take it so seriously? It could’ve been that Andrew had only glimpsed her out of the corner of his eye a few times and could ascribe it to lack of sleep, but he was literally worried about word getting out. I thought that being halfway to believing him would give me the mental preparation I needed if I saw her. At least, I’d hoped so.
It turned out that most of my time would be spent at the security desk in the main building, near the entrance. Real-time footage played through thirty-five cameras around the zoo, all on a large screen that was five cameras across and seven cameras top to bottom. The cameras were impressive. I would mention the resolution, say something about them being 4K, but Andrew explained some stuff about how it’s actually the lens that is the biggest selling point. Looking at these cameras on the giant screen, I could see practically every corner of the place, and if I brought up one camera in particular to encompass 2/3 of the screen, I could zoom in so far that it felt like I could use it to check if one of the animals had fleas.
The zoo was well lit, not surprising considering nighttime was apparently the zoo’s business hours, and all of the tall lamps had red bulbs. For those of you who know why, A+ to you. For those who don’t, fun fact, it’s because red is closest to the dark and your eyes don’t need to strain to adjust to it. That meant I didn’t need my flashlight all that often, and even that was red, a solid name-brand one that had been on my desk when I arrived. I kept the white lights on back in the security room, though, because I didn’t want to make my brain think it was time to get tired.
When I headed out for my first sweep on that first night, I had the folded map in my pocket, but I already knew my way around. The layout of the zoo wasn’t that difficult to memorize, since there were only eleven expansive enclosures, and after the interview I walked around for half an hour to start training my memory. I’ll admit, working in a dark environment was creepier than I thought it would be.
I do want to mention the high quality of the zoo. The size of each enclosure was considerable, and the greenery was natural, hinting that they’d hired a pricey professional just to do landscaping toward the front of the enclosures after buying the land. The backs of the enclosures backed up into forestry, and from the estimate I got from Andrew, it seemed each of the animals had plenty of roaming space, including the small lake at the northwest corner and a manmade lake for one of the animals in particular. When I considered all of that, the thought passed through my head about how horrible it would be if word got out about the zoo having a ghost and needing to relocate, because it’d be devastatingly expensive.
My orders were to walk the zoo once every hour. This was my first security gig, so I’m not sure if that’s more or less than typical, but I had my comfy hiking boots on, the ones I’d saved up for and invested in a couple years earlier and were perfect for a job where I had to do laps around an area. This job was one that I didn’t have to worry about my shoulder pain worsening, since it was mostly about being on my feet. I take one or two Vicodin a day, depending on how bad my pain is. It came in handy in high school, actually. With a flexible ‘take as needed’ prescription, I occasionally sold pills for extra cash.
There wasn’t much to step in and there weren’t even any dips in the concrete sidewalks that I followed around in a route that easily led me back and forth until I made my way back to the office. The first three nights were actually boring. I would have thought Andrew had been pranking me about the ghost, but like I said, it hadn’t felt like that. And he hadn’t been specific about when she showed up for new people, or even for him.
To keep myself busy, I’d brought my e-reader with me, and I got into a cycle of looking over each of the cameras every time I hit the end of a chapter. I’m a pretty fast reader, so it was a good system. Also, every once in a while, I looked up if something moving caught my eye, like an owl flying close enough for the camera to catch it, but that’s about it.
Then, every hour on the hour, I did a walk through. The fourth night, I was passing by the small lake at the back left corner of the property when I saw her.
People say that you can tell if someone’s staring at you, that there’s some sixth sense humans have. It’s not true; they’ve done experiments. But the thing is, all those experiments were of someone human looking at them. After this last shift, I would guess that the sixth sense that sends goosebumps down your arms, the one that makes you feel an intangible pressure, that slides your body toward fight or flight mode, might be true of…other things.
Slowly coming to a stop at the disturbing feeling, I hesitantly looked around, through the trees. Then my heart skipped a beat and my breath hitched. It was startling because she wasn’t moving. Just standing among the trees, staring at me. I broke out in a cold sweat as I stared back at her, unsure what to do. I didn’t run. I didn’t try to talk to her. I just stood there. So, there’s my answer to Andrew: I didn’t freak out. I just froze.
The woman was Latina, her skin tone pallid from death, and was dressed as he’d described her, in slacks and a silky blue blouse. And she was soaked, as if she’d just walked out of the lake. Beyond that, her shirt was drenched in blood from what looked like claw marks across her abdomen. Her eyes were dark and penetrating, boring holes into me, as if she were able to get any and all knowledge that she wanted about me simply by glaring. The fabric of her shirtsleeves clung to her skin and was dripping, as was her long black hair. Speaking of her hair, it appeared to have seaweed woven into it, or maybe she also grew seaweed along with hair. Not my area of expertise.
The look on her face was indescribable. There was something deep in her eyes, behind her closed-off expression, that made my heart beat rapidly. Maybe I would’ve projected some emotion into her face if I’d had any idea of what she was capable of, whether she could move objects, or possess me, or if all she did was hang around. As things stood, I was left just projecting my fears, which gave me the impression that she was cross with me simply for being present. It felt like I was trespassing, even though I was a dozen feet back from the fence that encircled the enclosure. And also, this was my job so I was explicitly allowed to be here.
She was disturbingly close, and remained unnaturally still. If she had attacked me, I wasn’t sure what I would’ve done. Ran, probably, but considering ghosts probably don’t follow the laws of physics, maybe she could’ve chased me at Usain Bolt speed. For all I knew, she could teleport.
After an amount of time that felt awkwardly long, I finally spoke up.
“Hi,” I croaked.
The woman slowly tilted her head but didn’t otherwise move. I’d forgotten to ask Andrew for her name, I realized, but he had mentioned her death had been before his time, so maybe he didn’t know.
Swallowing hard, I tried to take a slow, deep breath, even though it felt like there was a cinder block on my chest. “So, I, uh…I work here now,” I said slowly. “I’m night shift security.” Pausing, I kept trying to gather information from her demeanor but failed. “Is that okay?”
At that, I saw a hint of curiosity flash across her face. “Why would it not be?” Her voice sounded completely normal, which was an off-putting contrast to her appearance.
Good question. Hell if I know the answer. “I don’t know. I mean…you were here first. I don’t know if you feel like I’m…intruding…or something.”
“You’re just doing your job,” she said, her tone softening a smidge.
I waited to see if she wanted to say anything else before saying, “Right.” Can I get you anything? A towel? Some bandages? “I’ll be going now.”
The woman made no movement to come after me as I gradually took one step, then another, keeping her in my sights as I walked off. I finally had to turn to face forward, unable or unwilling to be seen by her foolishly walking away backwards. Instead of continuing my sweep, I took the path that would lead me back to the security room. I kept looking behind me and felt her eyes on me all the way back, though I didn’t see her following me. At that point, even if she hadn’t moved an inch, my brain was on red alert when it came to self-preservation and figured I would continue to feel like a wet hand might grab me from behind at any moment.
Finally, I returned to the security room, swiping my card across the panel at the back door with a beep. Opening the door, darting inside, and slamming it behind me, I walked to the far side of the room and turned around, putting my back to the wall. Until I’d gotten back, I hadn’t noticed how fast I’d been walking, how quickly I’d been gasping for air. Leaning back against the wall, my legs turned to jelly and I slowly slid to the floor.
And that was it. My first sighting of the ghost. I’d thought that if I had seen her, there would be some part of me that was skeptical, that would reason my way out of it, convinced it was a prank. But I knew. She wasn’t a person. At least, not anymore.
/storiesbykaren
submitted by karenvideoeditor to redditserials [link] [comments]
It said at the end, almost as an afterthought, ‘Zoo is haunted.’
When it comes to ghosts, they’ve never made much sense to me. Considering how badly our brains function from just getting jostled around on a football field, I’m not sure how ghosts could exist without a brain at all. I’d be excited as the next person to find proof, but YouTube videos are always fishy and the people on TV are essentially actors who only focus on the entertainment factor for their ratings. So, since I’d never seen anything that vaguely resembled a ghost, I’d say binge-watching Supernatural on Netflix last year was the extent of my experience in that department.
It seemed that the zoo hadn’t been here for long since it wasn’t even on Google Maps yet. There was a bit of a commute, it was half an hour away, but since I’d worked local jobs while I attended college online for the past four years, I’d saved up the money to buy a car. It wasn’t anything fancy, just an old Nissan sedan that I’d bought from someone in the next town over, with faded red paint and a mismatched back right door painted blue. It accomplished the job of transportation, though, which let me search the job market further away, a good thing considering how small a town I lived in. I really didn’t want to leave home yet, so moving for a job in a city or another state wasn’t an appealing option.
The website said very little. It had yet to fill in drop down menus that would excitedly describe their attractions. So far it only had some small sections about conservation and education, though that was intriguing because it mentioned that all the animals they had were endangered. I read that notation and wondered what the animals were. Mammals were always favorites of mine, which I know is a bit of a cliché, loving the furry ones. But when it comes down to it, I’ll take any animal over a person.
The employee entrance to the zoo was a door in the large steel gate that surrounded the property, a few yards down from the sliding gate that presumably opened to let visitors in. I pressed the button on a panel beside it, glancing up at the camera, and I was buzzed in. There was a short path that led to the building near the front and I knocked politely before going inside.
The interviewer, a plain metal nameplate on his desk describing him as Director of Security for the zoo, welcomed me in and sat on the other side of his desk, lounging back in his desk chair. His name was Andrew Higgs, and he had a British accent, which I thought was cool. I sat in one of the two loveseats in front of the desk.
Andrew was dressed business casual, with a blue Polo shirt, a thin black jacket, and I saw he was wearing slacks when he stood up to shake my hand. He was black, with dreadlocks that stopped just short of his shoulders, and a closely trimmed mustache. There was a tattoo, an artistic rendition of a hippo, on the right side of his neck, which bode well in my opinion. So many places hiring these days were overly uptight about their employees’ appearance, but it seemed that wouldn’t be the case here.
We went over the basics before he picked up the piece of paper off his desk, my resume, which he’d printed out. “Well, I spoke to all three of your references,” Andrew noted. “They had some good things to say. You were a great employee on the farm you worked last summer, your boss said. Punctual, hard-working, took instructions well…”
That was nice to hear. I’d spent this past summer working at a dairy farm, mostly assigned to the goats and cows they kept for milk. Aside from the staggering muscle pain that tapered from agony to merely miserable by the end of the summer, it wasn’t a bad job. I did have an old shoulder injury that I always had to work around, but it was my left shoulder and I was a righty, so it wasn’t that difficult to manage.
If anything, the muscle pain in my back and legs from being on my feet all day distracted from the typical issue I dealt with. My standard exercising day-to-day was typically either riding my bike or yoga, although yoga is mind-numbingly boring, so I need to listen to a podcast to pass the time. So, in fact, through the job, I was sort of grateful that my brain was focusing on a different area of my body that was in pain. Yeah, chronic pain is weird.
“He also said you don’t work well with others,” Andrew added, glancing up to me. “You kept submitting complaints about incompetent coworkers?”
I pursed my lips and let out a long breath through my nose, considering the most delicate way I was capable of replying to that before saying, “I dislike stupid people.”
Andrew gave me a half-smile and sighed, replying, “Well, I must confess I’m not fond of them either.” He looked back down to the paper. “This job will be a great fit for you.”
The job interview seemed like a formality, and I don’t know why. I was twenty-three and the ink had barely dried on my degree from the online college I’d attended. I’d been applying to jobs for months and had been thrilled when I’d gotten a call for an interview for this one, but also surprised. Call me a cynic, but I expected more invasive questions about any past work I’d done for a job in security, since I was a woman.
It's not like I was petite. Actually, the most common word I’d heard to describe me is ‘built’, and I fall short of being labeled overweight only because of muscle mass. One comment I recall from high school was being teased for being shaped like a rectangle. Even so, there was no good reason to look a gift horse in the mouth, but of course, me being me, that meant I examined its teeth closely.
“So, you’re hiring me? Just like that? Why?”
Andrew, chuckled. “Look, you’ve got BA in wildlife biology, and specializing in animal behavior is just the cherry on the sundae. That tells me you know animals are not people, and even if you feel like you know them, they can still be unpredictable. They can hurt you. But also, it makes me know you care.”
I suppose that did make sense, and it was true, so I’m glad he knew that. Most of my job on the night shift would be watching cameras and then walking around the place to make sure all the animals were as they should be, but it was more than that. Working at a zoo meant knowing where the line was, and sometimes it wasn’t exactly at the fence, but sometimes just putting a single finger through that fence meant losing that finger. As a whole, humans are generally idiots. Looking at you, anyone who really, honestly thinks that a bobcat would sense your boundless love enough to let you pat it.
“The website didn’t have much about the animals,” I said. “I know this place is new, so you might not have info on them up on the site yet. Do you have a map for me?”
“Oh, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” Andrew said with a wave of his hand. At that point, it had seemed to be a reasonable thing for him to say, but I will tell you, the reason was not what I thought. “Just to confirm, you’re not an early bird, Miss Mason? This schedule isn’t a concern?”
I shook my head. “Nah, I’m pretty talented at sleeping in, actually. I never really got past that teenage talent of staying up until five and sleeping in until three. And you can just call me Ripley.”
That made him smile. “Good. Then I won’t worry about you falling asleep on the job, Ripley.”
“Oh, no way.”
“All right. So. You saw the note at the end of the job posting?”
He just stared at me and I was forced to answer, “That the zoo is haunted.”
“Right. What are your thoughts on that?”
There was no easy answer to that question, especially depending on how seriously he took it. “Do you know the best word the Brits gave to us?”
“What’s that?”
“Bollocks.”
Andrew slowly smiled and pointed at me with the end of the pen in his hand. “I think I’m going to like you,” he remarked. “Look…this is the part of the interview where we switch gears. If this was a regular zoo, you’d be a shoo-in for the job. But we’ve got other boxes to check. This outfit is…basically a preservation society. As you saw on the site, all the species are endangered, but what it didn’t say online is that the only people who came to visit are private parties.”
“So, that means…what?” I asked. “You bring in super-rich people who feel special when they get to see the animals you’re rehabilitating and taking care of? Then they donate oodles of money so they can brag to their rich friends about their charity contributions and having seen the animals here?”
Andrew raised his eyebrows. “Pretty much got it in one. It’s just more preservation and less rehabilitation. And a lot of our patrons really do care about the animals, or else they would just donate and not visit. You’ll see tourists a couple times a week, but we decided not to have anyone until we’re settled in here, and that means a person who’s on during the night shift that I can count on. And I don’t know if I can count on you yet.”
“Wait, I’ll see the tourists?” I asked. “They visit at night?”
“Everything we have is nocturnal,” he told me. That struck me as odd, but he continued before I could question it. “Listen up, and I’ll start with the basics. Have you ever seen anything weird? Possibly supernatural?”
“Nope,” I said with a shrug.
The fact is, I got along with my classmates, but I never did have any close friends. So, I thought maybe that’s why I missed out on all those reckless teen moments that started every horror movie. Maybe it left me without a bunch of exciting stories to tell. But hey, at least I didn’t break my leg falling through the floor of an abandoned building in eleventh grade.
Yes, that happened. It was a classmate of mine by the name of Brent. And yes, he’s just as much of a moron as you would imagine.
“If you see the ghost here,” he said, his tone emphatic, “will you freak out?”
I paused. “You’ve seen the ghost?”
“All the time,” Andrew told me. “It’s a young woman in a blue shirt and tan slacks, looks like she just walked out of a lake.”
“Do you have a picture?”
“No, and absolutely no photos or video are to be taken of her,” he said, his tone abruptly turning stern. “It’s cause for immediate dismissal. We have video cameras for security, but they all record off-site in a secure location, and Suzanne Cooper, the owner, manages it herself. Firstly, the ghost deserves privacy rather than exploitation, she’s not to be displayed like one of our animals, but secondly, people believe in ghosts. One leaked photo of her connecting it to us means we get overrun by ghost hunters, and if we trace it back to you, you’re done.”
Andrew seemed next-level serious about that, so I nodded. “Understood. That makes sense.”
The animals were the priority after all, I knew. I preferred them over people anyway, and that included dead people. Even if I could get a video of this ghost doing cartwheels back and forth through a wall, I would never post it and spread word of where I’d taken it. Andrew was right; the zoo would never get the paranormally-obsessed to stay away and would definitely have to relocate.
He continued, “If you’re curious, she’s never so much as tried to hurt anyone. But the zoo has moved before, and she moved with us.”
“She moved with you?” I asked, my eyebrows rising. “Is it like one of those stories where she’s attached to something in the zoo rather than a place?”
“More complicated than that,” he said. Then he grimaced. “She died because she was too ambitious with one of our animals. It never should have happened, but she… She was foolish, you’d say. Attempted to interact with one of the animals, got too close, and honestly, she should have known better. I thought she did.”
“Holy shit,” I whispered. “What killed her?”
He stared at his hands and shook his head. “It was before my time.”
It was clear Andrew was a true believer, but I still really wasn’t sure at that point. How was I supposed to react, though? Zoos have fences and tall barriers for a good reason. Not just to keep the animals away from us, but also the other way around, and ‘death by stupidity’ is not uncommon amongst humans. So, the story wasn’t outrageous, but still, I’d never so much as experienced something unexplainable. But if I saw a ghost, I suppose that’d be that.
“I just need to know, plain and simple, if you’re the kind of person who can handle things that are terrifying,” Andrew told me, splaying his hands. “Our last night shift bloke there was with us for years and years, but we spent months going through other employees. There were six we tried before we found him.”
“Six?” I exclaimed.
He snorted. “Yes, six. Let’s see…” Andrew counted off each one on his fingers. “The first two, the first night they saw the ghost, they lost it. One called me in a panic, babbling, and I had to get out of bed and drive to the zoo to send him home, and the second quit, although at least she made it to the next morning and didn’t drag me out here,” he said, his voice thoughtful. “They just thought I was blowing smoke up their bums with the whole thing.”
He shrugged. “Then, the third one was a bloke who was asleep when I got there in the morning, so I had to fire him. Then another ghost freak-out. The fifth bloke was someone who couldn’t deal with the animals, and then the sixth was so scared of the ghost that when I got here, he was already outside the zoo, pacing, waiting for my car. Apparently he’d said some stuff, rude or mean or whatnot, to try to get her to leave him alone and she had followed him back into the security room, so he fled. I need the opposite of those folks. Alright?”
At this point, I was starting to take it more seriously. Sure, this could just be Andrew’s thing, that he believed in ghosts and then made up these sightings to ensure I believed him. But if I saw her? What would I do?
Well, this would be my job, so I would have to take it seriously. Maybe that was why the pay was so good, to make employees think twice before ditching it. From Andrew’s perspective, if it really was haunted, he was the one who had to deal with applicant after applicant quitting as soon as they laid eyes on the guest who would never leave.
“So…honestly, I can’t say I won’t freak out, considering how next level this is,” I told him, feeling compelled to go with honesty, “but yeah. I think I can handle it, mostly because it’s important for someone to look after this place, look after the animals, so I’d do my best to work around anything that freaks me out. I mean, I have to say that I’ll believe it when I see it. But if ghosts really exist, as long as it isn’t some serial killer who stuck around to keep gutting people, I’ve always thought it’d be cool to find out we can exist after we die.”
The thing is, I think I did believe him. I thought there might really be a ghost there, because otherwise, why take it so seriously? It could’ve been that Andrew had only glimpsed her out of the corner of his eye a few times and could ascribe it to lack of sleep, but he was literally worried about word getting out. I thought that being halfway to believing him would give me the mental preparation I needed if I saw her. At least, I’d hoped so.
It turned out that most of my time would be spent at the security desk in the main building, near the entrance. Real-time footage played through thirty-five cameras around the zoo, all on a large screen that was five cameras across and seven cameras top to bottom. The cameras were impressive. I would mention the resolution, say something about them being 4K, but Andrew explained some stuff about how it’s actually the lens that is the biggest selling point. Looking at these cameras on the giant screen, I could see practically every corner of the place, and if I brought up one camera in particular to encompass 2/3 of the screen, I could zoom in so far that it felt like I could use it to check if one of the animals had fleas.
The zoo was well lit, not surprising considering nighttime was apparently the zoo’s business hours, and all of the tall lamps had red bulbs. For those of you who know why, A+ to you. For those who don’t, fun fact, it’s because red is closest to the dark and your eyes don’t need to strain to adjust to it. That meant I didn’t need my flashlight all that often, and even that was red, a solid name-brand one that had been on my desk when I arrived. I kept the white lights on back in the security room, though, because I didn’t want to make my brain think it was time to get tired.
When I headed out for my first sweep on that first night, I had the folded map in my pocket, but I already knew my way around. The layout of the zoo wasn’t that difficult to memorize, since there were only eleven expansive enclosures, and after the interview I walked around for half an hour to start training my memory. I’ll admit, working in a dark environment was creepier than I thought it would be.
I do want to mention the high quality of the zoo. The size of each enclosure was considerable, and the greenery was natural, hinting that they’d hired a pricey professional just to do landscaping toward the front of the enclosures after buying the land. The backs of the enclosures backed up into forestry, and from the estimate I got from Andrew, it seemed each of the animals had plenty of roaming space, including the small lake at the northwest corner and a manmade lake for one of the animals in particular. When I considered all of that, the thought passed through my head about how horrible it would be if word got out about the zoo having a ghost and needing to relocate, because it’d be devastatingly expensive.
My orders were to walk the zoo once every hour. This was my first security gig, so I’m not sure if that’s more or less than typical, but I had my comfy hiking boots on, the ones I’d saved up for and invested in a couple years earlier and were perfect for a job where I had to do laps around an area. This job was one that I didn’t have to worry about my shoulder pain worsening, since it was mostly about being on my feet. I take one or two Vicodin a day, depending on how bad my pain is. It came in handy in high school, actually. With a flexible ‘take as needed’ prescription, I occasionally sold pills for extra cash.
There wasn’t much to step in and there weren’t even any dips in the concrete sidewalks that I followed around in a route that easily led me back and forth until I made my way back to the office. The first three nights were actually boring. I would have thought Andrew had been pranking me about the ghost, but like I said, it hadn’t felt like that. And he hadn’t been specific about when she showed up for new people, or even for him.
To keep myself busy, I’d brought my e-reader with me, and I got into a cycle of looking over each of the cameras every time I hit the end of a chapter. I’m a pretty fast reader, so it was a good system. Also, every once in a while, I looked up if something moving caught my eye, like an owl flying close enough for the camera to catch it, but that’s about it.
Then, every hour on the hour, I did a walk through. The fourth night, I was passing by the small lake at the back left corner of the property when I saw her.
People say that you can tell if someone’s staring at you, that there’s some sixth sense humans have. It’s not true; they’ve done experiments. But the thing is, all those experiments were of someone human looking at them. After this last shift, I would guess that the sixth sense that sends goosebumps down your arms, the one that makes you feel an intangible pressure, that slides your body toward fight or flight mode, might be true of…other things.
Slowly coming to a stop at the disturbing feeling, I hesitantly looked around, through the trees. Then my heart skipped a beat and my breath hitched. It was startling because she wasn’t moving. Just standing among the trees, staring at me. I broke out in a cold sweat as I stared back at her, unsure what to do. I didn’t run. I didn’t try to talk to her. I just stood there. So, there’s my answer to Andrew: I didn’t freak out. I just froze.
The woman was Latina, her skin tone pallid from death, and was dressed as he’d described her, in slacks and a silky blue blouse. And she was soaked, as if she’d just walked out of the lake. Beyond that, her shirt was drenched in blood from what looked like claw marks across her abdomen. Her eyes were dark and penetrating, boring holes into me, as if she were able to get any and all knowledge that she wanted about me simply by glaring. The fabric of her shirtsleeves clung to her skin and was dripping, as was her long black hair. Speaking of her hair, it appeared to have seaweed woven into it, or maybe she also grew seaweed along with hair. Not my area of expertise.
The look on her face was indescribable. There was something deep in her eyes, behind her closed-off expression, that made my heart beat rapidly. Maybe I would’ve projected some emotion into her face if I’d had any idea of what she was capable of, whether she could move objects, or possess me, or if all she did was hang around. As things stood, I was left just projecting my fears, which gave me the impression that she was cross with me simply for being present. It felt like I was trespassing, even though I was a dozen feet back from the fence that encircled the enclosure. And also, this was my job so I was explicitly allowed to be here.
She was disturbingly close, and remained unnaturally still. If she had attacked me, I wasn’t sure what I would’ve done. Ran, probably, but considering ghosts probably don’t follow the laws of physics, maybe she could’ve chased me at Usain Bolt speed. For all I knew, she could teleport.
After an amount of time that felt awkwardly long, I finally spoke up.
“Hi,” I croaked.
The woman slowly tilted her head but didn’t otherwise move. I’d forgotten to ask Andrew for her name, I realized, but he had mentioned her death had been before his time, so maybe he didn’t know.
Swallowing hard, I tried to take a slow, deep breath, even though it felt like there was a cinder block on my chest. “So, I, uh…I work here now,” I said slowly. “I’m night shift security.” Pausing, I kept trying to gather information from her demeanor but failed. “Is that okay?”
At that, I saw a hint of curiosity flash across her face. “Why would it not be?” Her voice sounded completely normal, which was an off-putting contrast to her appearance.
Good question. Hell if I know the answer. “I don’t know. I mean…you were here first. I don’t know if you feel like I’m…intruding…or something.”
“You’re just doing your job,” she said, her tone softening a smidge.
I waited to see if she wanted to say anything else before saying, “Right.” Can I get you anything? A towel? Some bandages? “I’ll be going now.”
The woman made no movement to come after me as I gradually took one step, then another, keeping her in my sights as I walked off. I finally had to turn to face forward, unable or unwilling to be seen by her foolishly walking away backwards. Instead of continuing my sweep, I took the path that would lead me back to the security room. I kept looking behind me and felt her eyes on me all the way back, though I didn’t see her following me. At that point, even if she hadn’t moved an inch, my brain was on red alert when it came to self-preservation and figured I would continue to feel like a wet hand might grab me from behind at any moment.
Finally, I returned to the security room, swiping my card across the panel at the back door with a beep. Opening the door, darting inside, and slamming it behind me, I walked to the far side of the room and turned around, putting my back to the wall. Until I’d gotten back, I hadn’t noticed how fast I’d been walking, how quickly I’d been gasping for air. Leaning back against the wall, my legs turned to jelly and I slowly slid to the floor.
And that was it. My first sighting of the ghost. I’d thought that if I had seen her, there would be some part of me that was skeptical, that would reason my way out of it, convinced it was a prank. But I knew. She wasn’t a person. At least, not anymore.
/storiesbykaren
2024.05.12 21:51 frugalfilam Advice from F24 Passer (Full-time job while studying)
About me:
I failed J23 by 30 pts. My J23 breakdown is below:- Essays averaged: 62.5
- MBE – local: 32.5%
This was my study plan (I started studying the day after the results came out in Nov):
The first 4 weeks (Nov – Dec)
Essays
- I read EVERY outline for EVERY subject (I did not watch a single lecture video as I know I do not learn well through videos). A colleague of mine had shortened outlines from the past that I relied on; however, I believe that if you took the time to read the Themis/Barbri, you would be in an even better position than I was.
- I did not spend much time doing essays during this time because I wanted to learn the law beforehand. I probably did a handful of outlines for a few subjects where my past knowledge was still pretty good (Ks, Real Property, PR) and for the most part, I did them open book.
- During these first few weeks, I also tried to do 5-10 MBE (uWorld) questions with the purpose of familiarizing myself with the question formats. Additionally, for every wrong question, I handwrote the rule and read the analysis. I did not like the Themis questions so I did not bother doing any of them.
- As for memorizing the law, I read and took notes of every Grossman transcript of the lectures. I probably learned the most from his lectures simply because of how easy they are to understand and his restraint on using lawyer language. He was straight to the point and even pointed out tricks to arrive at the correct conclusion from reading the call of the question alone. I HIGHLY recommend him.
- I started doing open book essays. I did 3-4 essays a day. If you are exhausted, outline them. If you are too tired to outline, at least read the question, outline in your head, and read the sample answer.
- I also started doing MBEs more consistently. (10 a day)
Essays
- This is the part where I LEARNED.
- Buy a baressays.com membership. THIS IS NON-NEGOTIABLE.
- If you rely on Barbri or Themis sample answers, you will not only feel stupid, lose confidence, but have unrealistic expectations. For those that aren’t already aware, the sample answers are perfected versions of the sample answers—meaning a group of very smart lawyers got together and revised the sample answers on the bar website to make it perfect. Do not rely on them. I am not completely opposed to reviewing them as they may expose you to small issues that can garner you extra points on the exam.
- Go on Baressays.com and read what a 70-75 looks like. You would be surprised just how bad a 70 is. You will not only learn what bar graders like to see in terms of structure, but also realize that a 70 is totally doable.
- Do your essays and compare them to the essays on the website. This is how I graded my stuff.
- For the most part, 60% of my essays were detailed outlines, with the other 40% being fully written essays. This worked for me, but feel free to do what is best for you.
- My initial goal was 30 questions a day, but my schedule just did not allow it and I HATED doing the questions. Nonetheless, you should aim to do around 30 a day.
- I stopped handwriting the rules for my incorrect answers. However, I made sure to read EVERY analysis of my wrong answers. At this point, I was scoring 65-70% on average with the questions.
Essays
- Nothing changed, I was doing around 3-4 essays a day. I was doing well with spotting all issues, and I was mostly focused on getting as much exposure to the topics tested and honing my writing skills.
- I also began to study MagicSheets everyday to drill the last bits of each rule.
- To be honest, I SLACKED on MBEs. I tried to do 10-15 a day here. I was scoring 70-80% on average. I think I did one 100 question session and the rest were 15 question sessions.
- In lieu of doing questions, I bought GoatBarPrep’s bundle and read most of his material 3 days before the exam. This is probably the best advice I can give to my fellow MBE strugglers – will discuss more below.
My Advice:
Essays- Do as many as possible—outline or actual essays.
- Use BarEssays.com to compare your essays with a 70-75 answer. This is probably the most valuable tip I have. Reading real answers will show you how to get there.
- You should be done or nearly done with every PR essay on Themis/Barbri before test day. It's literally guaranteed. Your PR should be a 75 for test day.
- You should be doing a PT EVERY WEEK. You should be getting at least 65-70 on these. These are worth double points. A good PT will make up for a shitty essay.
- ANALYSIS is the key to a passing essay. You can know the rule verbatim as the outline, but if you aren’t applying the facts, you will FAIL.
- Every line after your rule statement should be this layout: “X because Y.”
- As much as analysis is important, make sure your essays look nice. Have headers and underlines/italics. Bar graders are lazy and sometimes will grade your essays by simply looking at headers. If you are crunched for time, write your headers for some easy points.
- This is already a given, but just in case, outline BEFORE you write. Its important to have a game plan for a few reasons. First, you won’t get lost. Second, you’ll remember exactly where you are and how much time to spend on each issue.
- This is not a "throw shit against the wall and see what sticks" exam. Read and understand the call. Make sure you have a detailed analysis of the main points to get maximum points.
- GoatBarPrep - u/SnooGoats8671 – I recommend reading the entire bundle at least three times before test day. Knowing his tricks alone will give you 15-20 questions correct on the exam. I can attest that I was giggling throughout the exam because I recalled his memes. His entire bundle is $300 but this is the BEST $300 I have spent. It is already so worth it for the price, but if you are strapped for cash, message him and he will likely work with you on pricing. Best person on Reddit, periodt.
- Grossman lectures – read them/take notes on them.
- You need to have an Adaptibar or uWorld. Do as many practice as you can, with the caveat of reading the rule of every incorrect answer. I had less than 500 done during my study period, but I was scoring 70-80% at the end. QUALITY over QUANTITY.
- It is scientifically proven that studying in identical or similar conditions will best prep you for success. That being said, I studied only at home in quiet spaces. I do not recommend loud coffee shops, the beach (I saw people doing this ... and they failed F24), park etc.
- You need to have WHY. There will be times where you don't want to do this. I know I did-coming home from a 9-5 and knowing uWorld is waiting for me was terrible. But, I knew I wanted to be a lawyer and needed to make money. Reflect on your why and get to work.
- Mary Basick – but I only looked at the Attack Outlines to know each element.
- Grossman MBE lectures
- Baressays.com
- GoatbarPrep – GoatBarPrep
- Magic Sheets
- Grader – I was lucky to have a friend who was a bar grader to grade my exams. If you can, I think it’s worth hiring a bar grader to do so.
- Like some people here, I ran across the predictions. I used Heilman and JDAdvising, while also reflecting on what was already tested in J23. In doing so, I made sure to extensively study the likely Feb subjects (Con law, civ pro, evidence). It paid off, but a lot of people got FUCKED because they did not think CP would be on the exam. Like mentioned above, I studied ALL subjects—this is the only way you will not be surprised.
This reddit was invaluable and a great resource. I want to repay the favor, so message me if you have any questions. Let's get that Esquire title!
P.S. I love you u/SnooGoats8671
2024.05.12 20:34 Leftylizard9085 I play a game I call "Sleep Points". Every night I hide under my blanket (Part 20)
First Part - I play a game they call "Sleep Points". Every night I hide under my blanket (Part 1) : nosleep (reddit.com)
Previous Part - I play a game I call "Sleep Points". Every night I hide under my blanket (Part 19) : nosleep (reddit.com)
I had no idea how to react to any of this. There was a long awkward pause of about 30 or 40 seconds where I just kept my mouth shut and let Anastasia let it all out. My first instinct, though, was to ask probably the dumbest question I could’ve asked at that moment.
“Who’s Wendy Peterson?” I asked. I immediately regretted the question. This was obviously a person ENORMOUSLY important to Anastasia, and here I was, just asking who the hell she was, like she was some nobody. But Anastasia didn’t seem too upset. I guess my question took her mind off the tragedy with her friend, since she seemed to regain her composure a bit after I asked that.
“I –“ she started, then took a few breaths. “I believe I mentioned her in passing during our meeting in the Stairwell a few days ago. When I was a new player, I needed guidance of my own. Wendy was the one who gave it to me,” she explained. “Excuse me for a moment,” she said, leaving the bedroom. I wasn’t entirely sure what she headed out for, but when she came back with a carton of orange juice and a bottle of vodka, it got pretty clear.
“Honestly, I should’ve been expecting this…” she trailed off, somberly, pouring herself a shot from the bottle and promptly downing it. “Her time was nearly up,” she explained. “One cannot play Sleep Points forever, Morgan. You can extend your time with this game all you like, but The Sandman always collects his due,” she said.
“Would you care for any?” she asked, gesturing towards the vodka bottle. On the one hand, she was probably one of the smartest, most athletic, and most all-around most accomplished students in school. She had all the best grades, all the best awards, all the best everything. And yet still, THIS was apparently the person that all those after-school specials had warned me about when they would try and scare me about “peer pressure”.
I had never been offered anything like alcohol or weed or cigarettes or ANYTHING by anyone before. Well scratch that, now and then Ezra would offer me some skunk-weed for like 90 bucks a gram. He used to make a killing heading down to the seedier parts of town buying the cheapest pot he could he get his hands on, and then re-selling it over at College High for a fucking LAUGHABLE mark-up.
Now, I had never smoked before, but even I of all people could tell that whatever Ezra was selling was absolutely NOT worth what he was charging. But a lotta freshmen at College High were so desperate for ANYTHING to get ‘em high and they’re obviously not always the sharpest tools in the shed, so even with his INSANE scalping techniques, he STILL found plenty of willing buyers.
But either way, it was ONE thing when the school edgelord offered you something. That just kinda comes with the territory, and you pretty much know to expect it. But to be offered alcohol – and very STRONG alcohol at that – by my school’s model student was nothing I could’ve ever expected. Although, this was also the same girl who was telling me to steal my parents’ car keys, sneak out in the middle of the night without either one of our parents knowing, and head on over to her place. So maybe encouraging me to break the law wasn’t THAT far out of Anastasia’s wheelhouse, come to think of it.
“Well, I DID have to drive up here. I’m gonna have to drive back, too, y’know. You DO realize that, right?” I said.
“Oh c’mon, one shot won’t kill you,” she said, trying to egg me on a little. “You’ll be sober by the time you leave at 3. And besides. What other cars will be out at THIS time of night? Don’t let Ezra’s hallucination tricks fool you. He can make you see all KINDS of things, Morgan. If you wanna know if he’s REALLY there, just poke him,” she said, downing a second shot. Which was a bit concerning to me, because I had always heard about how you’re supposed to pace yourself with drinking and this second shot came pretty shortly after the first.
“If he’s not, your finger will go right through him. Why, it’s practically a rite of passage for new players to be thoroughly bamboozled by one of Ezra’s visual gags,” she explained. “Some would call it hazing. And I would not find that to be an unfair assessment. Ezra has a rather twisted sense of humor to say the least. Tricking you into thinking that you were about to crash headlong into his vehicle is perfectly consistent to his character,” she said. Had I told her about that? I figured it didn’t really matter, since she would’ve found out either way.
“I tend to prefer my vodka neat, though I suppose you have yet to become acclimated to the taste. It is most off-putting to the inexperienced. That is why I have brought this carton of orange juice, such that the alcoholic flavor of your beverage shall be masked to a comfortable extent,” she said. “Now don’t worry, I will only pour in ONE shot. You would hardly taste it,” she concluded, as she finished pouring out my drink.
I took a sip. I’ll admit, it tasted a little funky, but not enough to gross me out or anything. So, I had a little more. Anastasia seemed quite pleased with this. She then poured herself a THIRD shot. So, just because I feel like keeping score, we were now only about 20 minutes into our meeting and this girl was on shot number THREE. She had only brought the bottle out about 10 minutes before this. Though in her defense, she didn’t have any more after that. Y’know. For about another 20 minutes. Yeah.
“That should be quite enough,” she said, finishing her third shot. She got up, put the bottle and the orange juice away, and we were back to Wendy.
“Now, Wendy is not someone you would be familiar with, because she is from upstate,” she explained. “VERY upstate. She lives in Barrow,” she said. Technically, that little town in the way far north of Alaska changed its name to something else a few years before all this, but I can’t pronounce or spell it, so I’ll just be calling it by it’s old name “Barrow” since that’s easier.
“Well, ‘lived’, perhaps I should say,” she said correcting herself. “I too lived in Barrow until fairly recently. Though my family had moved to Alaska from St. Petersburg when I was 3, we did not move to Fairbanks. Instead, we had moved to Barrow, where we had lived for approximately 10 years from sometime in the spring of 2007 until December 1st, 2017, just over a year ago now, by now. I recall the date as it was an extremely difficult move. Not least because I had already been playing Sleep Points for over a year by then,” she said.
“Well, what about playing Sleep Points made the move so difficult?” I asked.
“I must remind you that to hide from The Sandman, you must be asleep in your OWN bed,” she explained. “I would not have been capable of escaping the clock by moving. It would follow me throughout my travels, as it ultimately did. And I knew all of this l in advance. For a few dreadful hours, I had truly thought this impromptu move from Barrow to Fairbanks would be the death of me. Surely this would require several nights out of my bed, I had thought,” she explained.
“And I must stress the point that this move was EXTREMELY spontaneous. I had not been told of it even a day in advance. One day my father told me to pack up everything into our RV, and the next, we were on the road. Well, the metaphorical road in any case. Now you see, a particularly complicated facet of my father’s bizarre plan to move us from Barrow to Fairbanks all at once was the fact that there are no roads connecting to Barrow. Typically, when a person leaves town with a great deal of luggage and cargo as we did, given that we had to take all our possessions with us as we would not be returning, it is during the summer, when the oceans have thawed, allowing for various cargo ships to ferry one’s things to one’s desired destination. Given that it was December at the time, this was simply not an option,” she explained.
“And we of course could not use an airplane to fly to Fairbanks given that everything in our old house would never fit on a commercial airliner. The only feasible option was my father’s Recreational Vehicle. It was extraordinarily cramped, but after a few hours when all was said and done, most of our things managed to, in principle, ‘fit’ to some uncomfortable degree or other”, she said. “Though some things did still need to be left behind. Such as my bedframe, for example. Though I had strongly insisted on bringing my mattress.
I did not know for certain if my bedframe was required to stave off The Sandman, but, given the frankly preposterous circumstances in which I had found myself, I had gambled on the notion that all I would need to stay safe would be to sleep in the same mattress. During my first night in the RV, I was entirely unaware of whether or not I would live to see the following day. As midnight approached, I felt my life slipping away from me, as though it were flashing before my eyes, as the old cliché goes. I am forever grateful that my clever loophole successfully warded off my seemingly inevitable demise,” she said.
And again, as a reminder, she’s 3 shots of hard liquor in at this point and still prattling on like a goddamn encyclopedia, just like how she usually would. I gotta admit, I was damn near genuinely impressed with how lucid and intellectual she could still sound, even after all she had had to drink. She didn’t even seem tipsy. Though one thing I will say, is that while she would usually speak in an American accent, the deeper and deeper into her drinking she would get, there would always seem to be more and more bits and pieces of her original Russian accent creeping through. Though at that point, I could hardly notice it. But anyway, back to the story Anastasia was telling me.
“Though I must say, my father was very opposed to me taking my mattress. And I could not, for the life of me, ascertain why. When I asked him, he claimed it was because we needed to conserve as much space as possible, and that, because there was a pullout couch in the RV for me to sleep on, that I should use that instead. But I knew for a fact, for an absolute FACT, that spending even a single night out of my proper bed would end my life most abruptly. And so, I persisted. The rest of the family was already quite opposed to the move initially, and thus I had high hopes of turning them against him, thereby overruling his decision to force me to leave behind my mattress. And, through enough prodding from my mother, my father relented, and I took it with me,” she finished.
“Well, if the rest of your family was so against the move, then how did you guys end up going through with it?” I asked.
Anastasia seemed like she was hesitating a bit to answer the question. For a moment, it looked like she might not have been comfortable answering, but then explained the difficult situation to me as carefully as she could.
“Now that, Morgan, is a rather… complicated question,” she said, slowly. “My father has what one might consider a somewhat… ‘colorful’ past, shall we say,” she explained. “Now, I am not entirely certain of the specifics as he has never been particularly forthcoming about them, but from what I gather, this colorful past of his likely has something or other to do with organized crime or perhaps something else of a similar nature.
In any case, that phase of his life is behind him, and he would most definitely appreciate it remaining that way. That was why we had initially emigrated from Russia in the first place. And why we had moved to Barrow, Alaska in particular. My father wished to make it as challenging as possible for him to be tracked down and, with Barrow being perhaps one of the most remote communities on the face of the earth, he had considered it a strong candidate. But, in late 2017, he unfortunately was tracked down after all. And he had very little time to do anything about it.
As frustrating as it was to have to pick up everything all at once and to travel hundreds of miles through the dense Alaskan forest by RV, we all understood that whatever agents or mafiosos were after him would not spare a single one of us either, thus it was absolutely crucial that we all go into hiding as fast as possible. And so, we acquiesced to my father’s spontaneous decision that we move to Fairbanks as there was a common understanding in the family that he would not be asking any such things of us unless ghosts of his past were coming back to haunt us all. We knew we had no choice but to vacate the premises post-haste.
As it so happened, there was, and continues to be, a certain man in Fairbanks that, through methods unbeknownst to me, allows for my father to hide in plain sight, and to never be tracked down again. That made Fairbanks our new safest option, and it is why my father moved us all to this town specifically. This means that we will thankfully never have to make any such sudden change in residency ever again, “she concluded.
“Would you like another drink?” she asked, noticing I had already finished my orange juice with the shot of vodka she had given it. “In any case, I will be pouring myself another shot,” she added. “And I do hate to drink alone. I find alcohol consumption far more rewarding when drinking in the company of a friend. I am aware that I set a rather poor example by having so much all at once right in front of you, but in my own defense, you should know that I do not drink in such excess when I am alone. I would DEFINITELY never endorse such behavior from anyone else, and it is why I am quite glad to have you around to care for me, should anything go awry,” she said.
“Well, how the hell am I supposed to do THAT if I’m already two drinks in myself?” I asked, trying to be the voice of reason in order to clamp down on all of this, since to me, it looked like things were starting to get out of hand. I wanted to believe she wouldn’t drink like this while alone, and that she was only doing this because she was having a really tough time getting over the death of her best friend Wendy, and just felt safe with me around. Looking back, I think at the time, that was more or less true. Maybe not entirely true, but with the benefit of hindsight, I can confidently say that at this point, having 4 shots in an hour was a bit much, even for Anastasia. But unfortunately for her, it wasn’t about to stay that way in the coming years.
“Morgan, if you are sober enough to ensure that I do not vomit anywhere other than the toilet, you will have done a fine job of caring for me. And I likely will not throw up at all, as I happen to have a rather strong alcohol tolerance as it is,” she said. For a moment, it seemed like there was a hint of pride in her voice, but that quickly went away when she realized what she had just told me, and what it implied about how much she would normally have, even when alone.
“Well, not because of how much I would TYPICALLY have to drink, I should say. This alcohol tolerance of mine is by no means ACQUIRED,” she backtracked. “Rather, it is a simple result of my genetics. My forebearers had a great deal of alcohol tolerance themselves, which it would appear I have inherited,” she explained, defensively. “Well, I’ll pour you out another, in case you would like one, but don’t feel pressure to drink it if you wouldn’t like to. I’ll have it myself, if you are uninterested,” she offered.
On the one hand, I knew I would be scared to death to drive back home if I was two drinks in, but on the other, I really wanted this fourth shot to be her last one of the night and take away any excuse she could have to drink any further. And then there was the fact that I didn’t wanna look ungrateful for her offer. She had already said she considered me a friend, and it seemed really important to her that I just go along with her and have another. This really seemed like her way of reaching out and trying to connect with me, so I just felt bad turning her down.
Though I’ll admit, it may have also been because I had a bit of a buzz going myself and wasn’t gonna say no to a bit more of one. Though I couldn’t let Anastasia know about any of that. If I did, then she’d have an excuse to get me just as wasted as she was, and I seriously could NOT let something like that happen.
“There you are, my good man. Na zdroviye,” she said, clinking her shot glass against my glass of orange juice mixed with a shot of my own.
“I’m sorry?” I asked, not quite getting the last part of what she had said.
“I said ‘na zdroviye’,” she said, a bit more slowly, enunciating the phrase she had said before. “I can’t blame you for being confused. It’s a common Russian saying when sharing a drink with one’s close confidants. It means ‘for good health’,” she explained. “Well, go on. Say it back. Have manners, now,” she said.
“I… don’t think I can pronounce that. I don’t speak any Russian,” I said.
“Understandable. I suppose it’s a somewhat difficult phrase for English speakers. But I would still appreciate your best attempt at it,” she said.
“Well alright, but I won’t promise not to butcher it,” I said, before saying something more along the lines of like “nsdroveh”.
“Meh, close enough,” said Anastasia, before downing her fourth shot of the night.
“This is gonna have to be my last one, though. It’s 1:40, and I’m gonna need to be on the road by about 3, if this meeting is gonna go according to your schedule,” I said.
“What time do your parents wake up on weekends?” she asked. “If they sleep in, you might not have to leave until 4, maybe even 5. I am entering a new stage tonight, and I would not like to go through my first night alone. That, in tandem with the fact that we still have so much more of Sleep Points to go over, is why I am far more concerned with you leaving too early rather than too late,” she said. “We may well need to fit two nights of discussions into one, tonight. Have you met your sleep quota yet?” she asked.
“Well… not quite. But should be able to get 90 minutes in during the day tomorrow. I mean, I’ve been up for 2 days, and it really feels like the new moon has been helping. I’ve already strung together 26 minutes so far, and since tomorrow is Saturday, I’ve got all day tomorrow to get some sleep in,” I explained.
“You cannot afford to risk that. If you still need 90 minutes of sleep within the next 24 hours or so, then it will be far too dangerous for you to risk missing out on it by coming to visit. You must stay at home tomorrow night. I will not let you in if you decide to come anyway,” she said. “26 minutes after two under a waning moon is, I must again say, a rather poor sign. Most by now would have strung together at least a full hour. At least among those only in Stage Two, in any case.
Now, I have no doubt that, with the melatonin I have given you, you will have nothing to worry about this weekend. The new moon will shortly be upon us, and, so long as you have melatonin at your disposal, you will most likely survive the next week or two with relative ease. It is the full moon that concerns me. The full moon on later stages, to be more specific. Not only do I have my reservations about your capacity to survive the upcoming full moon in roughly three weeks’ time, but even if you do, it will still be very worrying when you are confronted with the next full moon, when you are on Stage Three. And there are many more stages beyond that as well, each more sleep depriving than the last.
Even though you sustained 90 minutes of sleep within 72 hours once, it was a rather close call. And not even during a full moon, at that. How much closer of a call will it be when it finally arrives? I don’t see anything happening to you in the immediate future, but when I look to the long-term, I must say that your chances appear quite bleak. Now, since you have only gotten 26 minutes of continuous sleep since your last 90-minute stretch, I suppose that would mean that you have yet utilize any of the melatonin gummies since then, correct?” she asked.
“Oh no, I haven’t had any since then,” I responded. She seemed pretty relieved by that. “Good. Very good. While this does not improve my outlook on your long-term safety, your response thankfully does not worsen my predictions, as I had feared it would. How many melatonin gummies had you taken Wednesday night?” she asked.
“Well, I had taken 10, but that’s not too much, right? I mean, you had said I might need to take up to 10, didn’t you?” I asked.
“While it is true that I had suggested the possibility of requiring up to 10, I had hoped that that amount would not be the amount required of you. I had hoped that you would only need perhaps 5 or 6. While 10 is not entirely beyond the pale, it is still quite unideal. At this rate, you may have even run out of gummies entirely by the time of the full moon. I will provide you with a new container of gummies if I must, but I fear that that will only be putting a band-aid over your issues. How long will that container last? I do not have an endless supply of sleep points to spend on you.
I, myself, shall run out eventually, as my supply of sleep points will not be able to replenish itself if I am so constantly supplying you with increasingly potent sleeping aids. I have plenty of sleeping supplements which I must supply myself if I wish to continue in this new and most challenging stage that I have reached tonight. They are quite expensive, so I will have very little left over in order to cover YOUR insomnia, as well as my own.
You are quite lucky that you did not snoop through my window during this stage. You would have surely died, being that close to The Sandman if I had already graduated to this one by then. That is why, along with being so inappropriate, what you had done was so dangerous. If I had been even one Stage farther along, you would not have come out of that episode alive.
I must now be asleep every hour on the hour from 12AM to 5AM, just I had to be during the previous stage. I must also have been asleep for 5 minutes by the time a new hour is reached, and I must also remain asleep for another 5 minutes beyond that, where before I had only needed to be asleep on the hour, and nothing more.
It is presently 1:50. This means that I now have only 5 minutes to fall asleep, and so I will have to leave things here for now, though I expect to see you back at 2:05, when I may wake up once more. Sit in your truck until then. Do not stand out in the cold. Furthermore, and I cannot stress this enough, do not look through my window. Even after The Sandman is gone. I hope I have made it clear that you should never do any such thing ever again. Now leave. When 2:00 comes, you will not be safe anywhere in the vicinity of my house. I have already wasted another minute explaining the situation to you, so please leave right this instant. Go,” she finished.
She didn’t have to tell me twice. I was already panicking for her, knowing that she had to go from being wide awake to completely past out in just 4 minutes. Maybe the alcohol would help put her to sleep. Maybe that was another reason she had had so much. She needed it in order to help her be asleep on time. Though, granted, it was probably more complicated than that.
Either way, I knew to keep away as she had asked. She quickly turned out the light of her bedroom, and once I had gotten my heavy winter coat back on, I sped out back to my truck as fast as I could. I even pulled out of the driveway and drive up the street a little ways just for good measure. And when 2:00 came, I was glad that I had. Even from up the street, I could see that her entire house was now completely enveloped in a sinister red glow. And I could hear The Sandman all the way from out there. It sounded just as loud as it did when it was right next to me in own room. With how loud it was from where I was sitting, I could only imagine how absolutely deafening it must’ve been from where Anastasia had been laying.
How the hell was she managing to sleep so soundly through all of this? I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to know. In any case, I was way too busy with making sure I was far enough away to keep myself safe, as it was. Because the glowing red light was starting to grow, and it was starting to look like it might just have been heading toward me. I wasn’t entirely certain of what would happen if I DID get caught up in the red glow, but I had enough sense to know that it couldn’t possibly have been anything good.
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Previous Part - I play a game I call "Sleep Points". Every night I hide under my blanket (Part 19) : nosleep (reddit.com)
I had no idea how to react to any of this. There was a long awkward pause of about 30 or 40 seconds where I just kept my mouth shut and let Anastasia let it all out. My first instinct, though, was to ask probably the dumbest question I could’ve asked at that moment.
“Who’s Wendy Peterson?” I asked. I immediately regretted the question. This was obviously a person ENORMOUSLY important to Anastasia, and here I was, just asking who the hell she was, like she was some nobody. But Anastasia didn’t seem too upset. I guess my question took her mind off the tragedy with her friend, since she seemed to regain her composure a bit after I asked that.
“I –“ she started, then took a few breaths. “I believe I mentioned her in passing during our meeting in the Stairwell a few days ago. When I was a new player, I needed guidance of my own. Wendy was the one who gave it to me,” she explained. “Excuse me for a moment,” she said, leaving the bedroom. I wasn’t entirely sure what she headed out for, but when she came back with a carton of orange juice and a bottle of vodka, it got pretty clear.
“Honestly, I should’ve been expecting this…” she trailed off, somberly, pouring herself a shot from the bottle and promptly downing it. “Her time was nearly up,” she explained. “One cannot play Sleep Points forever, Morgan. You can extend your time with this game all you like, but The Sandman always collects his due,” she said.
“Would you care for any?” she asked, gesturing towards the vodka bottle. On the one hand, she was probably one of the smartest, most athletic, and most all-around most accomplished students in school. She had all the best grades, all the best awards, all the best everything. And yet still, THIS was apparently the person that all those after-school specials had warned me about when they would try and scare me about “peer pressure”.
I had never been offered anything like alcohol or weed or cigarettes or ANYTHING by anyone before. Well scratch that, now and then Ezra would offer me some skunk-weed for like 90 bucks a gram. He used to make a killing heading down to the seedier parts of town buying the cheapest pot he could he get his hands on, and then re-selling it over at College High for a fucking LAUGHABLE mark-up.
Now, I had never smoked before, but even I of all people could tell that whatever Ezra was selling was absolutely NOT worth what he was charging. But a lotta freshmen at College High were so desperate for ANYTHING to get ‘em high and they’re obviously not always the sharpest tools in the shed, so even with his INSANE scalping techniques, he STILL found plenty of willing buyers.
But either way, it was ONE thing when the school edgelord offered you something. That just kinda comes with the territory, and you pretty much know to expect it. But to be offered alcohol – and very STRONG alcohol at that – by my school’s model student was nothing I could’ve ever expected. Although, this was also the same girl who was telling me to steal my parents’ car keys, sneak out in the middle of the night without either one of our parents knowing, and head on over to her place. So maybe encouraging me to break the law wasn’t THAT far out of Anastasia’s wheelhouse, come to think of it.
“Well, I DID have to drive up here. I’m gonna have to drive back, too, y’know. You DO realize that, right?” I said.
“Oh c’mon, one shot won’t kill you,” she said, trying to egg me on a little. “You’ll be sober by the time you leave at 3. And besides. What other cars will be out at THIS time of night? Don’t let Ezra’s hallucination tricks fool you. He can make you see all KINDS of things, Morgan. If you wanna know if he’s REALLY there, just poke him,” she said, downing a second shot. Which was a bit concerning to me, because I had always heard about how you’re supposed to pace yourself with drinking and this second shot came pretty shortly after the first.
“If he’s not, your finger will go right through him. Why, it’s practically a rite of passage for new players to be thoroughly bamboozled by one of Ezra’s visual gags,” she explained. “Some would call it hazing. And I would not find that to be an unfair assessment. Ezra has a rather twisted sense of humor to say the least. Tricking you into thinking that you were about to crash headlong into his vehicle is perfectly consistent to his character,” she said. Had I told her about that? I figured it didn’t really matter, since she would’ve found out either way.
“I tend to prefer my vodka neat, though I suppose you have yet to become acclimated to the taste. It is most off-putting to the inexperienced. That is why I have brought this carton of orange juice, such that the alcoholic flavor of your beverage shall be masked to a comfortable extent,” she said. “Now don’t worry, I will only pour in ONE shot. You would hardly taste it,” she concluded, as she finished pouring out my drink.
I took a sip. I’ll admit, it tasted a little funky, but not enough to gross me out or anything. So, I had a little more. Anastasia seemed quite pleased with this. She then poured herself a THIRD shot. So, just because I feel like keeping score, we were now only about 20 minutes into our meeting and this girl was on shot number THREE. She had only brought the bottle out about 10 minutes before this. Though in her defense, she didn’t have any more after that. Y’know. For about another 20 minutes. Yeah.
“That should be quite enough,” she said, finishing her third shot. She got up, put the bottle and the orange juice away, and we were back to Wendy.
“Now, Wendy is not someone you would be familiar with, because she is from upstate,” she explained. “VERY upstate. She lives in Barrow,” she said. Technically, that little town in the way far north of Alaska changed its name to something else a few years before all this, but I can’t pronounce or spell it, so I’ll just be calling it by it’s old name “Barrow” since that’s easier.
“Well, ‘lived’, perhaps I should say,” she said correcting herself. “I too lived in Barrow until fairly recently. Though my family had moved to Alaska from St. Petersburg when I was 3, we did not move to Fairbanks. Instead, we had moved to Barrow, where we had lived for approximately 10 years from sometime in the spring of 2007 until December 1st, 2017, just over a year ago now, by now. I recall the date as it was an extremely difficult move. Not least because I had already been playing Sleep Points for over a year by then,” she said.
“Well, what about playing Sleep Points made the move so difficult?” I asked.
“I must remind you that to hide from The Sandman, you must be asleep in your OWN bed,” she explained. “I would not have been capable of escaping the clock by moving. It would follow me throughout my travels, as it ultimately did. And I knew all of this l in advance. For a few dreadful hours, I had truly thought this impromptu move from Barrow to Fairbanks would be the death of me. Surely this would require several nights out of my bed, I had thought,” she explained.
“And I must stress the point that this move was EXTREMELY spontaneous. I had not been told of it even a day in advance. One day my father told me to pack up everything into our RV, and the next, we were on the road. Well, the metaphorical road in any case. Now you see, a particularly complicated facet of my father’s bizarre plan to move us from Barrow to Fairbanks all at once was the fact that there are no roads connecting to Barrow. Typically, when a person leaves town with a great deal of luggage and cargo as we did, given that we had to take all our possessions with us as we would not be returning, it is during the summer, when the oceans have thawed, allowing for various cargo ships to ferry one’s things to one’s desired destination. Given that it was December at the time, this was simply not an option,” she explained.
“And we of course could not use an airplane to fly to Fairbanks given that everything in our old house would never fit on a commercial airliner. The only feasible option was my father’s Recreational Vehicle. It was extraordinarily cramped, but after a few hours when all was said and done, most of our things managed to, in principle, ‘fit’ to some uncomfortable degree or other”, she said. “Though some things did still need to be left behind. Such as my bedframe, for example. Though I had strongly insisted on bringing my mattress.
I did not know for certain if my bedframe was required to stave off The Sandman, but, given the frankly preposterous circumstances in which I had found myself, I had gambled on the notion that all I would need to stay safe would be to sleep in the same mattress. During my first night in the RV, I was entirely unaware of whether or not I would live to see the following day. As midnight approached, I felt my life slipping away from me, as though it were flashing before my eyes, as the old cliché goes. I am forever grateful that my clever loophole successfully warded off my seemingly inevitable demise,” she said.
And again, as a reminder, she’s 3 shots of hard liquor in at this point and still prattling on like a goddamn encyclopedia, just like how she usually would. I gotta admit, I was damn near genuinely impressed with how lucid and intellectual she could still sound, even after all she had had to drink. She didn’t even seem tipsy. Though one thing I will say, is that while she would usually speak in an American accent, the deeper and deeper into her drinking she would get, there would always seem to be more and more bits and pieces of her original Russian accent creeping through. Though at that point, I could hardly notice it. But anyway, back to the story Anastasia was telling me.
“Though I must say, my father was very opposed to me taking my mattress. And I could not, for the life of me, ascertain why. When I asked him, he claimed it was because we needed to conserve as much space as possible, and that, because there was a pullout couch in the RV for me to sleep on, that I should use that instead. But I knew for a fact, for an absolute FACT, that spending even a single night out of my proper bed would end my life most abruptly. And so, I persisted. The rest of the family was already quite opposed to the move initially, and thus I had high hopes of turning them against him, thereby overruling his decision to force me to leave behind my mattress. And, through enough prodding from my mother, my father relented, and I took it with me,” she finished.
“Well, if the rest of your family was so against the move, then how did you guys end up going through with it?” I asked.
Anastasia seemed like she was hesitating a bit to answer the question. For a moment, it looked like she might not have been comfortable answering, but then explained the difficult situation to me as carefully as she could.
“Now that, Morgan, is a rather… complicated question,” she said, slowly. “My father has what one might consider a somewhat… ‘colorful’ past, shall we say,” she explained. “Now, I am not entirely certain of the specifics as he has never been particularly forthcoming about them, but from what I gather, this colorful past of his likely has something or other to do with organized crime or perhaps something else of a similar nature.
In any case, that phase of his life is behind him, and he would most definitely appreciate it remaining that way. That was why we had initially emigrated from Russia in the first place. And why we had moved to Barrow, Alaska in particular. My father wished to make it as challenging as possible for him to be tracked down and, with Barrow being perhaps one of the most remote communities on the face of the earth, he had considered it a strong candidate. But, in late 2017, he unfortunately was tracked down after all. And he had very little time to do anything about it.
As frustrating as it was to have to pick up everything all at once and to travel hundreds of miles through the dense Alaskan forest by RV, we all understood that whatever agents or mafiosos were after him would not spare a single one of us either, thus it was absolutely crucial that we all go into hiding as fast as possible. And so, we acquiesced to my father’s spontaneous decision that we move to Fairbanks as there was a common understanding in the family that he would not be asking any such things of us unless ghosts of his past were coming back to haunt us all. We knew we had no choice but to vacate the premises post-haste.
As it so happened, there was, and continues to be, a certain man in Fairbanks that, through methods unbeknownst to me, allows for my father to hide in plain sight, and to never be tracked down again. That made Fairbanks our new safest option, and it is why my father moved us all to this town specifically. This means that we will thankfully never have to make any such sudden change in residency ever again, “she concluded.
“Would you like another drink?” she asked, noticing I had already finished my orange juice with the shot of vodka she had given it. “In any case, I will be pouring myself another shot,” she added. “And I do hate to drink alone. I find alcohol consumption far more rewarding when drinking in the company of a friend. I am aware that I set a rather poor example by having so much all at once right in front of you, but in my own defense, you should know that I do not drink in such excess when I am alone. I would DEFINITELY never endorse such behavior from anyone else, and it is why I am quite glad to have you around to care for me, should anything go awry,” she said.
“Well, how the hell am I supposed to do THAT if I’m already two drinks in myself?” I asked, trying to be the voice of reason in order to clamp down on all of this, since to me, it looked like things were starting to get out of hand. I wanted to believe she wouldn’t drink like this while alone, and that she was only doing this because she was having a really tough time getting over the death of her best friend Wendy, and just felt safe with me around. Looking back, I think at the time, that was more or less true. Maybe not entirely true, but with the benefit of hindsight, I can confidently say that at this point, having 4 shots in an hour was a bit much, even for Anastasia. But unfortunately for her, it wasn’t about to stay that way in the coming years.
“Morgan, if you are sober enough to ensure that I do not vomit anywhere other than the toilet, you will have done a fine job of caring for me. And I likely will not throw up at all, as I happen to have a rather strong alcohol tolerance as it is,” she said. For a moment, it seemed like there was a hint of pride in her voice, but that quickly went away when she realized what she had just told me, and what it implied about how much she would normally have, even when alone.
“Well, not because of how much I would TYPICALLY have to drink, I should say. This alcohol tolerance of mine is by no means ACQUIRED,” she backtracked. “Rather, it is a simple result of my genetics. My forebearers had a great deal of alcohol tolerance themselves, which it would appear I have inherited,” she explained, defensively. “Well, I’ll pour you out another, in case you would like one, but don’t feel pressure to drink it if you wouldn’t like to. I’ll have it myself, if you are uninterested,” she offered.
On the one hand, I knew I would be scared to death to drive back home if I was two drinks in, but on the other, I really wanted this fourth shot to be her last one of the night and take away any excuse she could have to drink any further. And then there was the fact that I didn’t wanna look ungrateful for her offer. She had already said she considered me a friend, and it seemed really important to her that I just go along with her and have another. This really seemed like her way of reaching out and trying to connect with me, so I just felt bad turning her down.
Though I’ll admit, it may have also been because I had a bit of a buzz going myself and wasn’t gonna say no to a bit more of one. Though I couldn’t let Anastasia know about any of that. If I did, then she’d have an excuse to get me just as wasted as she was, and I seriously could NOT let something like that happen.
“There you are, my good man. Na zdroviye,” she said, clinking her shot glass against my glass of orange juice mixed with a shot of my own.
“I’m sorry?” I asked, not quite getting the last part of what she had said.
“I said ‘na zdroviye’,” she said, a bit more slowly, enunciating the phrase she had said before. “I can’t blame you for being confused. It’s a common Russian saying when sharing a drink with one’s close confidants. It means ‘for good health’,” she explained. “Well, go on. Say it back. Have manners, now,” she said.
“I… don’t think I can pronounce that. I don’t speak any Russian,” I said.
“Understandable. I suppose it’s a somewhat difficult phrase for English speakers. But I would still appreciate your best attempt at it,” she said.
“Well alright, but I won’t promise not to butcher it,” I said, before saying something more along the lines of like “nsdroveh”.
“Meh, close enough,” said Anastasia, before downing her fourth shot of the night.
“This is gonna have to be my last one, though. It’s 1:40, and I’m gonna need to be on the road by about 3, if this meeting is gonna go according to your schedule,” I said.
“What time do your parents wake up on weekends?” she asked. “If they sleep in, you might not have to leave until 4, maybe even 5. I am entering a new stage tonight, and I would not like to go through my first night alone. That, in tandem with the fact that we still have so much more of Sleep Points to go over, is why I am far more concerned with you leaving too early rather than too late,” she said. “We may well need to fit two nights of discussions into one, tonight. Have you met your sleep quota yet?” she asked.
“Well… not quite. But should be able to get 90 minutes in during the day tomorrow. I mean, I’ve been up for 2 days, and it really feels like the new moon has been helping. I’ve already strung together 26 minutes so far, and since tomorrow is Saturday, I’ve got all day tomorrow to get some sleep in,” I explained.
“You cannot afford to risk that. If you still need 90 minutes of sleep within the next 24 hours or so, then it will be far too dangerous for you to risk missing out on it by coming to visit. You must stay at home tomorrow night. I will not let you in if you decide to come anyway,” she said. “26 minutes after two under a waning moon is, I must again say, a rather poor sign. Most by now would have strung together at least a full hour. At least among those only in Stage Two, in any case.
Now, I have no doubt that, with the melatonin I have given you, you will have nothing to worry about this weekend. The new moon will shortly be upon us, and, so long as you have melatonin at your disposal, you will most likely survive the next week or two with relative ease. It is the full moon that concerns me. The full moon on later stages, to be more specific. Not only do I have my reservations about your capacity to survive the upcoming full moon in roughly three weeks’ time, but even if you do, it will still be very worrying when you are confronted with the next full moon, when you are on Stage Three. And there are many more stages beyond that as well, each more sleep depriving than the last.
Even though you sustained 90 minutes of sleep within 72 hours once, it was a rather close call. And not even during a full moon, at that. How much closer of a call will it be when it finally arrives? I don’t see anything happening to you in the immediate future, but when I look to the long-term, I must say that your chances appear quite bleak. Now, since you have only gotten 26 minutes of continuous sleep since your last 90-minute stretch, I suppose that would mean that you have yet utilize any of the melatonin gummies since then, correct?” she asked.
“Oh no, I haven’t had any since then,” I responded. She seemed pretty relieved by that. “Good. Very good. While this does not improve my outlook on your long-term safety, your response thankfully does not worsen my predictions, as I had feared it would. How many melatonin gummies had you taken Wednesday night?” she asked.
“Well, I had taken 10, but that’s not too much, right? I mean, you had said I might need to take up to 10, didn’t you?” I asked.
“While it is true that I had suggested the possibility of requiring up to 10, I had hoped that that amount would not be the amount required of you. I had hoped that you would only need perhaps 5 or 6. While 10 is not entirely beyond the pale, it is still quite unideal. At this rate, you may have even run out of gummies entirely by the time of the full moon. I will provide you with a new container of gummies if I must, but I fear that that will only be putting a band-aid over your issues. How long will that container last? I do not have an endless supply of sleep points to spend on you.
I, myself, shall run out eventually, as my supply of sleep points will not be able to replenish itself if I am so constantly supplying you with increasingly potent sleeping aids. I have plenty of sleeping supplements which I must supply myself if I wish to continue in this new and most challenging stage that I have reached tonight. They are quite expensive, so I will have very little left over in order to cover YOUR insomnia, as well as my own.
You are quite lucky that you did not snoop through my window during this stage. You would have surely died, being that close to The Sandman if I had already graduated to this one by then. That is why, along with being so inappropriate, what you had done was so dangerous. If I had been even one Stage farther along, you would not have come out of that episode alive.
I must now be asleep every hour on the hour from 12AM to 5AM, just I had to be during the previous stage. I must also have been asleep for 5 minutes by the time a new hour is reached, and I must also remain asleep for another 5 minutes beyond that, where before I had only needed to be asleep on the hour, and nothing more.
It is presently 1:50. This means that I now have only 5 minutes to fall asleep, and so I will have to leave things here for now, though I expect to see you back at 2:05, when I may wake up once more. Sit in your truck until then. Do not stand out in the cold. Furthermore, and I cannot stress this enough, do not look through my window. Even after The Sandman is gone. I hope I have made it clear that you should never do any such thing ever again. Now leave. When 2:00 comes, you will not be safe anywhere in the vicinity of my house. I have already wasted another minute explaining the situation to you, so please leave right this instant. Go,” she finished.
She didn’t have to tell me twice. I was already panicking for her, knowing that she had to go from being wide awake to completely past out in just 4 minutes. Maybe the alcohol would help put her to sleep. Maybe that was another reason she had had so much. She needed it in order to help her be asleep on time. Though, granted, it was probably more complicated than that.
Either way, I knew to keep away as she had asked. She quickly turned out the light of her bedroom, and once I had gotten my heavy winter coat back on, I sped out back to my truck as fast as I could. I even pulled out of the driveway and drive up the street a little ways just for good measure. And when 2:00 came, I was glad that I had. Even from up the street, I could see that her entire house was now completely enveloped in a sinister red glow. And I could hear The Sandman all the way from out there. It sounded just as loud as it did when it was right next to me in own room. With how loud it was from where I was sitting, I could only imagine how absolutely deafening it must’ve been from where Anastasia had been laying.
How the hell was she managing to sleep so soundly through all of this? I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to know. In any case, I was way too busy with making sure I was far enough away to keep myself safe, as it was. Because the glowing red light was starting to grow, and it was starting to look like it might just have been heading toward me. I wasn’t entirely certain of what would happen if I DID get caught up in the red glow, but I had enough sense to know that it couldn’t possibly have been anything good.
2024.05.12 19:05 Jcb112 Wearing Power Armor to a Magic School (79/?)
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About half of the student body was blinded by the sudden and intense flash of light that blanketed the room.
The other half seemed to have reacted in time to shield themselves from that unexpected assault on the senses.
I was part of that latter half.
And what I saw during those precious few seconds of visual overstimulation was nothing short of remarkable.
The walls that had resembled Mal’tory’s dark and dreary office quaked and quivered in place, as if the whole room was a living organism, and we were somehow nestled within its guts.
Each of the ornate wooden panels began dislodging from one another, their formerly flush surfaces cracking, revealing seams where there had been none before. These seams too began expanding, as each of the panels started wobbling, wiggling, then eventually disconnecting from one another entirely; moving independently of one another as if freeing themselves from a long-dormant state.
For a moment, they looked almost like a reptile’s scales when put under magnification.
Then, and without any warning, they began disappearing, each panel violently pulled back and into some dark anomalous void that existed behind the walls themselves; sending the EVI into another fit of spatial error reports.
We were, for a split second, completely wall-less. But not a second after the old walls had been… for lack of a better term — banished to the literal shadow realm, did a set of new walls suddenly take their place.
And quite dramatically too.
As an entirely new wallface suddenly emerged darkness of the void, one that was earthy in tones, and reminded me more of those old teakwood heritage buildings back on Earth. There were fewer embellishments to them compared to the previous Victorian-styled walls, less patterns and ostentatious designs, instead simply going with this less is more approach that left vast empty gaps where decorations and patterns were previously present. It was almost as if they were left empty and bare for a reason.
ALERT: LOCALIZED SURGE OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED, 475% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
Out of nowhere, dozens of pots, planters, and trellises suddenly embedded themselves through the wall, decorating what was no longer a blank canvas.
Plantlife soon followed this open invitation for a free home, as hundreds of flowers bloomed all across the wall, carefully trimmed and perfectly appointed to the lattice structures they coiled on, with not a single one of them looking too wild or out of place.
The sudden and abrupt remodeling completely threw me off.
At least, until the source of it all suddenly made themselves known.
“Welcome, first years, to Mana-field perception and Light Magic theory.” The voice continued, as through the literal haze of change came a female figure that the EVI had little problem assigning a name and identifier to.
ENTITY IFF CONFIRMED: A109 Apprentice Larial Essen - NEXUS [CORDIAL]
Yet strangely, the metallic footsteps that I’d heard just before she crossed the staff door’s threshold didn’t seem to follow her. Instead, only the apprentice emerged from the door behind the lectern.
She continued towards the lectern with a forced and somewhat stiff poise and gait, her general demeanor identical to how she carried herself prior to the whole crate saga. Which was of course, stern, tired, and completely unyielding; a fact supported by the impeccable posture she used to walk into class.
Though the class’ focus certainly wasn’t on her demeanor, or her posture, nor even on the room that had completely morphed into a completely different space.
No.
It was instead almost squarely focused on the apprentice’s cloak, which was most certainly not black.
This prompted the entire room to erupt into a frenzy of whispers, tempered only by those daring enough to deploy privacy screens.
But before those antics could evolve any further, and before my mind could even catch up with this turn of events, a loud, high-pitched, and unbroken — SHUSH — erupted from the front of the class. Emerging from a certain gorn-like lizard, who’d stood up to face us rather than the apprentice currently manning her podium. “ALL STUDENTS RISE!” He commanded.
To which the entire class followed, with the only two tentative parties being myself and a certain bull.
“ALL STUDENTS FORWARD AND BOW!” He continued, prompting the whole class to follow suit, and from there, receiving a head-tilt’s worth of praise from the apprentice.
“Thank you, Lord Qiv.” The apprentice spoke appreciatively, before setting her sights on the rest of the desks and chairs—
ALERT: LOCALIZED SURGE OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED, 200% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
—which were subsequently transformed into brighter-toned variants of their formerly dark and depressive selves. “I understand that there may be quite a few lingering questions amongst the crowd that quite a few of you wish to be addressed. In the spirit of ensuring that these needless thoughts and senseless rumors do not come to cloud your mind throughout the rest of class, thereby rendering these lessons moot, I wish for them to be addressed here and now.” Larial announced tacitly, but with a severity that was clearly modeled off of her mentor.
The mood of the room quickly changed following that.
But instead of shifting to the deference and submission in Articord’s class, or the tentative acceptance of Vanavan’s class, there was instead an overarching tone of outright confusion.
It was as if the whole class didn’t know how best to handle the situation.
But whilst the rest of the room remained undecided, with a few shaky hands rising up one by one, a sense of relief quickly washed over me as my emotions finally managed to catch up to the rapidly developing turn of events.
I couldn’t help but to immediately activate the in-armor positional readjustment mode in the suit, allowing myself to just… slouch; as I took in the class with a renewed wave of reprieve.
It was that same feeling you get when you arrive on the day of the test, only to find it delayed by a week. Or that feeling you get when a notification arrives in the dead of night, on the eve of a presentation, to inexplicably announce that the whole project was now put on hold due to some unforeseen event.
But unlike those situations where the why of the situation didn’t really matter… here, it most certainly did.
Which prompted me to listen in, as the questions began flying towards the apprentice.
“If I may be the one so brazen as to offer myself as the voice of the year group, Apprentice Essen?” A certain Auris Ping took the lead, having been chosen by the apprentice amidst a sea of equally inquisitive hands.
“The floor is yours, Lord Ping.” The apprentice proclaimed.
“Thank you, Apprentice.” The bull responded curtly, eliciting a particularly intense glare from the likes of Thalmin. “Where is Professor Mal’tory?”
The apprentice’s features shifted somewhat at that question, as if she wasn’t expecting something that blunt and straightforward right out of the gate. “The professor’s whereabouts are the business of the Academy’s faculty and staff.” She spoke firmly, yet with an authority that she was clearly under equipped to wield. “If you wish to inquire as to the nature of this class going forward, I will be more than happy to-”
A series of hands were raised even before the apprentice had even finished her sentence. Which prompted the overworked and exhausted elf to switch over to another student before she even had time to finish her own thoughts. “The floor is yours, Lady Ladona.”
“Thank you, Apprentice. Now, to clarify, are we to expect you to be teaching us for the rest of this class?” The being, which I could only describe as a butterfly with most of their insectoid-traits toned down, asked politely.
“That is correct, Lady Ladona.”
“And is this expected to continue for… the rest of the month?” Ladona continued, her features shifting if only to show her growing sense of confidence.“The semester perhaps? Or maybe even the rest of the school year?” She continued at a rapid-fire pace, making a point to catch the apprentice off-guard before she could even respond to that first point.
“The responsibility of tutelage has been deferred to me on the basis of Professor Mal’tory’s current inability to fulfill this particular aspect of his responsibilities owing to his current engagements. This will remain so, until the Professor returns from said engagements.” The apprentice responded in that same jaded, no-nonsense tone of voice she’d used during our pre-life debt interactions.
It was, however, woefully inadequate in dealing with the likes of a vicious social predator like Ladona, who immediately waded through the tepid waters towards the first sign of weakness. “So when can we expect his return, Apprentice?” She pushed further, her polite tone of voice acting like a velvet cloth, barely concealing the sharp mandibles beneath it.
“That is something I cannot answer.” The apprentice replied sternly, taking a stand against the shark that had now tasted blood in the water.
“Is this because of a lack of correspondence to the faculty?” The butterfly-person shot back quickly with an innocent cock of her head, her antennae swaying as she did so.
“I am not at a privilege to divulge such details, and that is most certainly not the case, Lady Ladona.”
“My apologies, Apprentice.” Ladona spoke in a calculated show of apologetics. “In any case, am I to assume then that in addition to the responsibility of tutelage, that the responsibilities of proctorship, examination, and evaluation, have likewise been deferred to you?” She shifted gears once more, this time, her question garnered quite a few murmurs to emerge from the rest of the class.
Murmurs which, as the EVI’s little picture-in-picture subtitles hinted at, were all in support of Auris Ping’s right-hand.
“That’s right… are we to assume that an apprentice of all people will be responsible for the evaluation of our performance?”
“I mean, she is an elf, that should count for something right-”
“Have some dignity! Just because she’s an elf, doesn’t mean she has any right to be dictating the fate of our academic progress!”
“That’s right! This is an insult to our titles! How dare they relegate the tutelage of a class to a mere pitiable apprentice! What do they take us for, the dregs of society?”
These hot-takes continued escalating further and further, until finally, and seemingly out of nowhere, several of those voices began dying down seemingly mid-sentence; something had distracted them from their little outbursts.
In fact, as the seconds ticked by, Thacea, Thalmin, and Ilunor turned towards each other knowingly, as if sensing that something was amiss.
That something was soon made clear to me by a sudden uptick of mana that rose from two, to three, to four hundred percent above background radiation.
At which point, several warnings suddenly slammed my HUD.
ALERT: LOCALIZED SURGE OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED, 400% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
CAUTION: Concentrated Heat-Energy Surge Detected!
CAUTION: Localized Temperature Surge Detected!
Those caution reticles quickly formed just behind the apprentice, hovering ominously over that void-filled doorway, right before a stream of concentrated flames surged forwards towards her.
However, instead of dodging, ducking, or leaping out of the way, she stood firm; her features not even shifting even a little.
As right before the flames made contact, so too did they suddenly stop, as that surge of mana radiation fluctuated wildly—
ALERT: VARIABLE FREQUENCY FLUCTUATION OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED 200 - 400% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
—before suddenly disappearing.
The room was left stunned.
Any remaining conversations were halted mid way, with many of the more chatty students barely even registering what’d just happened.
So for those who lacked situational awareness, and were still very much looking around for the reason why the rest of the class had gone silent, there was a round two to these attacks that erupted as suddenly as the first.
ALERT: LOCALIZED SURGE OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED, 650% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
This was signaled at first by the cracking of rock and the quaking of the entire room, followed closely by four distinct sinkholes forming along the floor at the very front of the lecture hall. A gurgling, churning noise echoed ominously from deep within the newly-formed holes, like an ancient concrete mixer dialed up to eleven.
Eventually, it stopped.
And soon after, four humanoid earthen behemoths erupted from those sinkholes. Each of them easily towered over the apprentice, whilst each of their fists were at least a full Ilunor in size.
A tense confrontation followed, and a silence that could be shattered by a pin drop soon descended upon the formerly whisper-filled room.
Yet despite it all, the apprentice didn’t move a single muscle, and to top it all off her eyes were closed shut as if in deep thought.
Seconds passed.
Then finally, the four cobblestone golems made their move.
All four moved in sync, their first steps caused the whole hall to shudder, prompting me to instinctively flinch towards my sidearm as the events of the second day hit me harder than a sack of bricks.
The first golem was poised to strike her side—
ALERT: VARIABLE FREQUENCY FLUCTUATION OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED 300 - 650% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
—but found itself crumbling before our eyes, as local mana radiation spiked and shifted erratically.
The second golem reached down with its fist, poised to grab the apprentice through the lectern—
ALERT: VARIABLE FREQUENCY FLUCTUATION OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED 250 - 700% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
—but like the first, it found itself reduced to rubble, falling where it stood; as rock by rock, it collapsed under its own weight.
The third and fourth golems charged forward together, lunging down fast towards the lectern—
ALERT: VARIABLE FREQUENCY FLUCTUATION OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED 350 - 725% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
—but like the first and second, they too found themselves victims to the great equalizer that was gravity, as whatever magical glue was holding them together just up and failed, reducing those humanoid forms into harmless piles of rock.
A few stray rocks did reach the lectern, but were effortlessly swatted away by an invisible barrier, leaving the apprentice and her immediate surroundings completely unharmed.
Silence once more descended on the entire class.
But just like the silence from before, that lull period wasn’t destined to last, as a loud, boisterous, and jolly series of bellowing laughs emerged from behind the void of that door.
I could tell, with immediate certainty, who that voice belonged to.
I didn’t even need the EVI’s tag system for this one.
ENTITY IFF CONFIRMED: A110 Professor Sorecar Latil Almont Pliska - NEXUS [CORDIAL]
“Spectacular work, young apprentice! Spectacular work indeed!” The man came marching through the door, walking up and towards the apprentice.
“Thank you, Professor-Armorer Pliska.” The apprentice responded softly, prompting the armorer to reply with a sharp and brisk bow of his own.
“You can reserve your thanks for after class, I have plenty more exercises where that came from, and each and every one is going to be tougher than the last!” The man proclaimed not-so-discreetly, eliciting a worried expression to form on the apprentice’s face, highlighting the seriousness of the otherwise lackadaisical tone of his voice. “Needless to say, I don’t think you’ll be thanking me much after I’m done with you! The Academy’s gotten a bit softer over the years, and I’m about to make up for lost time before they toss old-Sorecar Latil Almont Pliska back into the workshop!” He paused, before shifting his tone towards a more menacing one. “And that applies to your understudies as well, Apprentice.”
“Now!” The armorer quickly shifted his attention from the apprentice, and towards class, his gesticulations wild, as if making for the apprentice’s slower, more sluggish demeanor. More specifically, he maintained this sort of “Y” posture, with both arms high above his head as he spoke. “For those of you wondering exactly what just happened… well, perhaps it would be best for you to leave the class considering this is exactly the sort of thing we’ll both be expecting of you following the conclusion of this school year! And for those of you who openly doubt the qualifications of our dear apprentice here… just know that she was hand-picked by Professor Mal’tory himself for a reason.” The man paused, before bringing his arms back down to his sides, if only to emphasize his point, before resuming the posture from before. “And until I see a single one of you being personally selected by a black, red, blue, or white-robed professor… I don’t want to hear a single peep of doubt from you lot. At least as it pertains to the apprentice’s ability to teach these classes! And if you need an extra guarantee of such? Well… know that the Academy does not allow an apprentice to teach without supervision from an appointed Professor of the Magical Arts.” He paused, as if for dramatic effect, before pointing both hands down towards himself. “Which just so happens to be the only Professor otherwise free from the burdens of stringent schedules — yours truly!”
To Sorecar’s credit, the murmurs born of inflated egos, and the whispers of dissidence did not once dare to interrupt, or follow-up on the man’s proclamations.
If anything, that entire… display was enough to keep the critics at bay, and the ones on the fence to fully hop back on the side of respect.
At least, until one group decided to tempt fate, deploying a privacy screen.
ALERT: LOCALIZED SURGE OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED, 350% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
If only for that privacy screen to suffer the same effects as the rest of the spells casted throughout class thus far.
ALERT: VARIABLE FREQUENCY FLUCTUATION OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED 100 - 350% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
“Bold! Brash! And indeed, cheeky, if that word still holds true in this era’s vernacular!” Sorecar announced with a laugh that radiated deep from within his armor. “Unlike other classes that prohibit the casting of magic save for practice or demonstrative purposes, I fully allow it, nay, I say, I encourage it! You youths should be free to cast magic whenever and however you like!” The man paused soon after, and once again shifted gears towards a more severe timbre, yet never once losing that lackadaisical personality I knew him for. “But just remember, while you may freely practice these magical gifts you have and hold so highly, doing such in this class is to be considered a direct challenge by yours truly! This is the study of Light Magic and Mana-field Perception, after all! And thus, in the spirit of scholarly competition, I shall take every spell cast as a chance to prove what’s what!”
The man paused, before gesturing towards the apprentice. “Now, for those of you still quite confused with the definition of Light Magic as it pertains to the Nexian vernacular, I shall defer the right of tutelage back to that of our dear Apprentice. The floor is yours, my lady.”
A brief exchange of bows between the teaching duo was had, before the apprentice finally started, now with all doubts and concerns fully addressed not just by words alone, but through action as well.
“As all of you may have already discerned, the demonstration Professor Pliska had so graciously provided, was an attempt to illustrate the most visible effects of Light Magic — that being the detection and subsequent dispelling of active and pre-active spells. The subject of Light magic, thus refers to the study of the detection, dispelling, counterspelling, and disarming of all forms of other magics.”
“And by that definition, it is the single most combative field of magic there is.” Sorecar promptly chimed in with a nod towards the apprentice, almost like he was tag-teaming this opening statement with her; establishing a precedent for the dynamics of the class. “For in order to practice Light Magic, one must be in the presence of an active spell. And in order to truly practice Light Magic, one must be in the presence of active danger, as unlike most forms of magic, unevenness and intensity in casting is key to the successful destabilization of an offending spell.”
“So THAT’S what the fluctuations were.” I thought to myself outloud inside my helmet.
“Moreover—” Sorecar continued, raising his arms into the air once again as if to emphasize his points. “—to the seasoned and the wise, Light Magic as a field is known to be the single most versatile field in existence. For if implemented correctly, it has the capacity to bring all other forms of magic to its knees.”
“Versatility and adaptability are core elements of Light Magic, so while not capable of much harm by itself, it is capable of incredible feats of defense if used correctly.”
To say that I was pleasantly surprised would’ve been an understatement by this point. Because not only was Mal’tory completely out for the count, and not only was he replaced by two of my only cordial relations within the Academy thus far, but the class itself was refreshingly straightforward. There was no mincing around words like Vanavan’s class of lectures, there was also no overt signs of blatant propaganda and indoctrination like in Articord’s class. Instead, this whole class started out with a practical demo of all things, followed up essentially with a breakdown of exactly what we were studying.
“What you observed during the start of class, were just two out of a near-infinite set of examples demonstrating counterspell and dispelling measures, a rather dramatic one I might add but one that you may very well one day use.” The apprentice continued following yet another exchange of nods with Sorecar.
“And indeed, while they may have seemed trivial to the keen-eyed observer, the execution of their dispelling is anything but. Because despite what most misinformed minds may believe regarding counterspelling — dispelling isn’t simply a matter of overpowering an offending spell with a burst of mana, but instead, more akin to the unwinding of a knot, or the picking of a lock. You must act to untangle a spell, until the spell itself falls apart at the seams.” Sorecar continued, before once again swapping the baton with Larial through an exchange of nods.
“Which is exactly why Light Magic continues to be a field forever expanding in its domain.” The apprentice continued. “Because as every other field develops more and more convoluted forms of spells and artificing, so too does Light Magic have to adapt, improvise, and overcome these advanced and oftentimes eclectic means of casting.”
So an arms race… I thought to myself.
“It is, in essence, a pure magic field. Yet it is applied as if it were an applied magical field of study.” Sorecar surmised, prompting me to actually listen in with genuine intent, this marking the first moment I was truly engaged with a class with none of its politics.
“And as for the Mana-Field Perception class?” The apprentice continued with an inquisitive tone of voice. “It’s effectively an extension, or rather, a foundational element of Light Magic depending on how one wishes to view it. Because in order to become proficient in Light Magic, you have to first understand and hone your abilities in order to detect the nuances within mana-streams and mana-fields. It is only through the detection of disruptions and the accurate understanding of a spell being cast, that you are able to apply more advanced abjurations in an attempt to counter these spells. Sometimes even before they’re cast if you’re so inclined to.”
“Now, how many of you can genuinely say you noticed the shift in the room’s aura prior to the casting of that Firestream?” Sorecar asked the crowd, prompting almost every hand to be raised.
“Well that’s just a blatant lie now, isn’t it?” The man retorted bluntly. “I can tell by your reactions just before the Flamespear hit, you know. So please, honestly now, I’m giving you one more chance to answer.”
About three quarters of the class lowered their hands, leaving only the gang, Auris Ping and Qiv’s group, as well as a few other scattered students to maintain their raised hands.
“Alright, that’s about exactly the number I counted from behind the veil! Rightio then!” Sorecar proclaimed through what I could only imagine would’ve been a grin if it wasn’t for his armor. “This is exactly why mana-field perception is necessary. Because to most mages, it is a learned skill rather than an inherent trait. Which, of course, is by no means a demerit! But moreso, a wonderful little oddity in the grander tapestry that is the magical arts and pedagogue!”
The apprentice quickly followed that up with a series of talks once more summarizing the expectations of the class. Mana-field perception was, unsurprisingly, divided into practical and theoretical assessments. Which, at first, seemed to be a potential roadblock, until I realized one fundamental way this class could actually benefit my aims.
“EVI?” I spoke inwardly, as Larial started her lectures on mana-field perception.
“Yes, Cadet Booker?”
“Is there any chance you can maybe interpolate and extrapolate on the Apprentice’s points? As in, is it possible to… visualize magic, as opposed to just alerting me to bursts of it?”
“The mana-radiation visualization project, or MRVP, has been in development for some time, Cadet Booker. The research and development teams however, were unable to create a reliable model for field-use that wouldn’t have been a liability to operations.”
“So it wasn’t field-deployable because of the variance and accuracy issue.”
“Correct, Cadet Booker.”
“Alright, and you said all they needed was more data to create a better model for it, right?”
“Correct, Cadet Booker.”
“Could you… do that with this? Is that within your mission parameters to do so?”
“It is indeed one of the many ongoing projects taking up the bulk of my processing capacity, Cadet Booker. However, proper implementation of this will require additional hardware to be developed, tested, and then field-deployed for testing. The success rate of which is yet to be determined. I cannot guarantee this operation will yield the desired results inferred, Cadet Booker.”
“Alright, that’s good enough for me.” I acknowledged, before turning back to class with a renewed sense of invigoration.
The lecture continued, only stopping about midway as the apprentice realized she’d yet to elaborate on the whole Light Magic class side of things.
Which, it turns out, was more or less similar to Mana-field perception in its assessment criteria — that being a mix of practical and theory assessments. A combination of written exams and practical counterspelling would be expected in tests, midterms, and finals. This would mark my first true hurdle… but then again, perhaps I could balance out the rest of my grades against the practicals which was more or less an impossibility given my obvious human limitations…
“As with most of the classes in the first year, I will treat both periods as one. As both subjects are intertwined, we may see glimpses of both within the same period.” The apprentice continued, before shifting gears towards something else. “And on the topic of periods, since we’re nearing the conclusion of the first, with lunch quickly coming upon us, I believe it to be necessary to inform everyone now of what awaits at the end of this second period.” The apprentice spoke ominously, as she made the effort of meeting every one of the students’ gazes. “By day’s end, I intend for a pair of you to perform a practical demonstration of the fundamentals of light magic. So I expect everyone to pay close attention after lunch.”
A small pause punctuated the room yet again, before Sorecar, after several hours of silence, came to complete the apprentice’s thoughts; his faceplate squeaked to form a shape that just barely gave off the feeling of a smirk.
“Be prepared, and be ready, for your first real brush with magical dueling.”
“First being the operative word here, I must add.” The apprentice quickly clarified. “Within the bounds of demonstrative purposes.”
I could just about hear the band rounding out the corner outside the hall, and I could just about see a few students ready to pack up their things for lunch.
However, before the band could arrive, Thalmin unexpectedly stood up, raising his hand in the process.
“Yes, Prince Thalmin Havenbrock?” The apprentice acknowledged.
“I wish to volunteer as the issuer of this duel, and to designate the other party for this duel as well.”
The apprentice paused, considering this carefully, before nodding. “Granted, though I warn you Prince Havenbrock, this is an introductory demonstration, and will be treated as such. In any case, who would you wish to designate as the other party?”
“Lord Auris Ping.”
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(Author’s Note: And there we have it! Light Magic Theory and Manafield Perception classes are both now in session! This is probably the most fun and engaging class I've written yet, and this is a sentiment that Emma shares as well! I do hope you guys share the sentiment haha as I still think that action is something I still am quite lacking in, in terms of my abilities to properly write and convey it. I hope you guys enjoy! :D The next Two Chapters are already up on Patreon if you guys are interested in getting early access to future chapters!)
[If you guys want to help support me and these stories, here's my ko-fi ! And my Patreon for early chapter releases (Chapter 80 and Chapter 81 of this story is already out on there!)]
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About half of the student body was blinded by the sudden and intense flash of light that blanketed the room.
The other half seemed to have reacted in time to shield themselves from that unexpected assault on the senses.
I was part of that latter half.
And what I saw during those precious few seconds of visual overstimulation was nothing short of remarkable.
The walls that had resembled Mal’tory’s dark and dreary office quaked and quivered in place, as if the whole room was a living organism, and we were somehow nestled within its guts.
Each of the ornate wooden panels began dislodging from one another, their formerly flush surfaces cracking, revealing seams where there had been none before. These seams too began expanding, as each of the panels started wobbling, wiggling, then eventually disconnecting from one another entirely; moving independently of one another as if freeing themselves from a long-dormant state.
For a moment, they looked almost like a reptile’s scales when put under magnification.
Then, and without any warning, they began disappearing, each panel violently pulled back and into some dark anomalous void that existed behind the walls themselves; sending the EVI into another fit of spatial error reports.
We were, for a split second, completely wall-less. But not a second after the old walls had been… for lack of a better term — banished to the literal shadow realm, did a set of new walls suddenly take their place.
And quite dramatically too.
As an entirely new wallface suddenly emerged darkness of the void, one that was earthy in tones, and reminded me more of those old teakwood heritage buildings back on Earth. There were fewer embellishments to them compared to the previous Victorian-styled walls, less patterns and ostentatious designs, instead simply going with this less is more approach that left vast empty gaps where decorations and patterns were previously present. It was almost as if they were left empty and bare for a reason.
ALERT: LOCALIZED SURGE OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED, 475% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
Out of nowhere, dozens of pots, planters, and trellises suddenly embedded themselves through the wall, decorating what was no longer a blank canvas.
Plantlife soon followed this open invitation for a free home, as hundreds of flowers bloomed all across the wall, carefully trimmed and perfectly appointed to the lattice structures they coiled on, with not a single one of them looking too wild or out of place.
The sudden and abrupt remodeling completely threw me off.
At least, until the source of it all suddenly made themselves known.
“Welcome, first years, to Mana-field perception and Light Magic theory.” The voice continued, as through the literal haze of change came a female figure that the EVI had little problem assigning a name and identifier to.
ENTITY IFF CONFIRMED: A109 Apprentice Larial Essen - NEXUS [CORDIAL]
Yet strangely, the metallic footsteps that I’d heard just before she crossed the staff door’s threshold didn’t seem to follow her. Instead, only the apprentice emerged from the door behind the lectern.
She continued towards the lectern with a forced and somewhat stiff poise and gait, her general demeanor identical to how she carried herself prior to the whole crate saga. Which was of course, stern, tired, and completely unyielding; a fact supported by the impeccable posture she used to walk into class.
Though the class’ focus certainly wasn’t on her demeanor, or her posture, nor even on the room that had completely morphed into a completely different space.
No.
It was instead almost squarely focused on the apprentice’s cloak, which was most certainly not black.
This prompted the entire room to erupt into a frenzy of whispers, tempered only by those daring enough to deploy privacy screens.
But before those antics could evolve any further, and before my mind could even catch up with this turn of events, a loud, high-pitched, and unbroken — SHUSH — erupted from the front of the class. Emerging from a certain gorn-like lizard, who’d stood up to face us rather than the apprentice currently manning her podium. “ALL STUDENTS RISE!” He commanded.
To which the entire class followed, with the only two tentative parties being myself and a certain bull.
“ALL STUDENTS FORWARD AND BOW!” He continued, prompting the whole class to follow suit, and from there, receiving a head-tilt’s worth of praise from the apprentice.
“Thank you, Lord Qiv.” The apprentice spoke appreciatively, before setting her sights on the rest of the desks and chairs—
ALERT: LOCALIZED SURGE OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED, 200% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
—which were subsequently transformed into brighter-toned variants of their formerly dark and depressive selves. “I understand that there may be quite a few lingering questions amongst the crowd that quite a few of you wish to be addressed. In the spirit of ensuring that these needless thoughts and senseless rumors do not come to cloud your mind throughout the rest of class, thereby rendering these lessons moot, I wish for them to be addressed here and now.” Larial announced tacitly, but with a severity that was clearly modeled off of her mentor.
The mood of the room quickly changed following that.
But instead of shifting to the deference and submission in Articord’s class, or the tentative acceptance of Vanavan’s class, there was instead an overarching tone of outright confusion.
It was as if the whole class didn’t know how best to handle the situation.
But whilst the rest of the room remained undecided, with a few shaky hands rising up one by one, a sense of relief quickly washed over me as my emotions finally managed to catch up to the rapidly developing turn of events.
I couldn’t help but to immediately activate the in-armor positional readjustment mode in the suit, allowing myself to just… slouch; as I took in the class with a renewed wave of reprieve.
It was that same feeling you get when you arrive on the day of the test, only to find it delayed by a week. Or that feeling you get when a notification arrives in the dead of night, on the eve of a presentation, to inexplicably announce that the whole project was now put on hold due to some unforeseen event.
But unlike those situations where the why of the situation didn’t really matter… here, it most certainly did.
Which prompted me to listen in, as the questions began flying towards the apprentice.
“If I may be the one so brazen as to offer myself as the voice of the year group, Apprentice Essen?” A certain Auris Ping took the lead, having been chosen by the apprentice amidst a sea of equally inquisitive hands.
“The floor is yours, Lord Ping.” The apprentice proclaimed.
“Thank you, Apprentice.” The bull responded curtly, eliciting a particularly intense glare from the likes of Thalmin. “Where is Professor Mal’tory?”
The apprentice’s features shifted somewhat at that question, as if she wasn’t expecting something that blunt and straightforward right out of the gate. “The professor’s whereabouts are the business of the Academy’s faculty and staff.” She spoke firmly, yet with an authority that she was clearly under equipped to wield. “If you wish to inquire as to the nature of this class going forward, I will be more than happy to-”
A series of hands were raised even before the apprentice had even finished her sentence. Which prompted the overworked and exhausted elf to switch over to another student before she even had time to finish her own thoughts. “The floor is yours, Lady Ladona.”
“Thank you, Apprentice. Now, to clarify, are we to expect you to be teaching us for the rest of this class?” The being, which I could only describe as a butterfly with most of their insectoid-traits toned down, asked politely.
“That is correct, Lady Ladona.”
“And is this expected to continue for… the rest of the month?” Ladona continued, her features shifting if only to show her growing sense of confidence.“The semester perhaps? Or maybe even the rest of the school year?” She continued at a rapid-fire pace, making a point to catch the apprentice off-guard before she could even respond to that first point.
“The responsibility of tutelage has been deferred to me on the basis of Professor Mal’tory’s current inability to fulfill this particular aspect of his responsibilities owing to his current engagements. This will remain so, until the Professor returns from said engagements.” The apprentice responded in that same jaded, no-nonsense tone of voice she’d used during our pre-life debt interactions.
It was, however, woefully inadequate in dealing with the likes of a vicious social predator like Ladona, who immediately waded through the tepid waters towards the first sign of weakness. “So when can we expect his return, Apprentice?” She pushed further, her polite tone of voice acting like a velvet cloth, barely concealing the sharp mandibles beneath it.
“That is something I cannot answer.” The apprentice replied sternly, taking a stand against the shark that had now tasted blood in the water.
“Is this because of a lack of correspondence to the faculty?” The butterfly-person shot back quickly with an innocent cock of her head, her antennae swaying as she did so.
“I am not at a privilege to divulge such details, and that is most certainly not the case, Lady Ladona.”
“My apologies, Apprentice.” Ladona spoke in a calculated show of apologetics. “In any case, am I to assume then that in addition to the responsibility of tutelage, that the responsibilities of proctorship, examination, and evaluation, have likewise been deferred to you?” She shifted gears once more, this time, her question garnered quite a few murmurs to emerge from the rest of the class.
Murmurs which, as the EVI’s little picture-in-picture subtitles hinted at, were all in support of Auris Ping’s right-hand.
“That’s right… are we to assume that an apprentice of all people will be responsible for the evaluation of our performance?”
“I mean, she is an elf, that should count for something right-”
“Have some dignity! Just because she’s an elf, doesn’t mean she has any right to be dictating the fate of our academic progress!”
“That’s right! This is an insult to our titles! How dare they relegate the tutelage of a class to a mere pitiable apprentice! What do they take us for, the dregs of society?”
These hot-takes continued escalating further and further, until finally, and seemingly out of nowhere, several of those voices began dying down seemingly mid-sentence; something had distracted them from their little outbursts.
In fact, as the seconds ticked by, Thacea, Thalmin, and Ilunor turned towards each other knowingly, as if sensing that something was amiss.
That something was soon made clear to me by a sudden uptick of mana that rose from two, to three, to four hundred percent above background radiation.
At which point, several warnings suddenly slammed my HUD.
ALERT: LOCALIZED SURGE OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED, 400% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
CAUTION: Concentrated Heat-Energy Surge Detected!
CAUTION: Localized Temperature Surge Detected!
Those caution reticles quickly formed just behind the apprentice, hovering ominously over that void-filled doorway, right before a stream of concentrated flames surged forwards towards her.
However, instead of dodging, ducking, or leaping out of the way, she stood firm; her features not even shifting even a little.
As right before the flames made contact, so too did they suddenly stop, as that surge of mana radiation fluctuated wildly—
ALERT: VARIABLE FREQUENCY FLUCTUATION OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED 200 - 400% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
—before suddenly disappearing.
The room was left stunned.
Any remaining conversations were halted mid way, with many of the more chatty students barely even registering what’d just happened.
So for those who lacked situational awareness, and were still very much looking around for the reason why the rest of the class had gone silent, there was a round two to these attacks that erupted as suddenly as the first.
ALERT: LOCALIZED SURGE OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED, 650% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
This was signaled at first by the cracking of rock and the quaking of the entire room, followed closely by four distinct sinkholes forming along the floor at the very front of the lecture hall. A gurgling, churning noise echoed ominously from deep within the newly-formed holes, like an ancient concrete mixer dialed up to eleven.
Eventually, it stopped.
And soon after, four humanoid earthen behemoths erupted from those sinkholes. Each of them easily towered over the apprentice, whilst each of their fists were at least a full Ilunor in size.
A tense confrontation followed, and a silence that could be shattered by a pin drop soon descended upon the formerly whisper-filled room.
Yet despite it all, the apprentice didn’t move a single muscle, and to top it all off her eyes were closed shut as if in deep thought.
Seconds passed.
Then finally, the four cobblestone golems made their move.
All four moved in sync, their first steps caused the whole hall to shudder, prompting me to instinctively flinch towards my sidearm as the events of the second day hit me harder than a sack of bricks.
The first golem was poised to strike her side—
ALERT: VARIABLE FREQUENCY FLUCTUATION OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED 300 - 650% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
—but found itself crumbling before our eyes, as local mana radiation spiked and shifted erratically.
The second golem reached down with its fist, poised to grab the apprentice through the lectern—
ALERT: VARIABLE FREQUENCY FLUCTUATION OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED 250 - 700% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
—but like the first, it found itself reduced to rubble, falling where it stood; as rock by rock, it collapsed under its own weight.
The third and fourth golems charged forward together, lunging down fast towards the lectern—
ALERT: VARIABLE FREQUENCY FLUCTUATION OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED 350 - 725% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
—but like the first and second, they too found themselves victims to the great equalizer that was gravity, as whatever magical glue was holding them together just up and failed, reducing those humanoid forms into harmless piles of rock.
A few stray rocks did reach the lectern, but were effortlessly swatted away by an invisible barrier, leaving the apprentice and her immediate surroundings completely unharmed.
Silence once more descended on the entire class.
But just like the silence from before, that lull period wasn’t destined to last, as a loud, boisterous, and jolly series of bellowing laughs emerged from behind the void of that door.
I could tell, with immediate certainty, who that voice belonged to.
I didn’t even need the EVI’s tag system for this one.
ENTITY IFF CONFIRMED: A110 Professor Sorecar Latil Almont Pliska - NEXUS [CORDIAL]
“Spectacular work, young apprentice! Spectacular work indeed!” The man came marching through the door, walking up and towards the apprentice.
“Thank you, Professor-Armorer Pliska.” The apprentice responded softly, prompting the armorer to reply with a sharp and brisk bow of his own.
“You can reserve your thanks for after class, I have plenty more exercises where that came from, and each and every one is going to be tougher than the last!” The man proclaimed not-so-discreetly, eliciting a worried expression to form on the apprentice’s face, highlighting the seriousness of the otherwise lackadaisical tone of his voice. “Needless to say, I don’t think you’ll be thanking me much after I’m done with you! The Academy’s gotten a bit softer over the years, and I’m about to make up for lost time before they toss old-Sorecar Latil Almont Pliska back into the workshop!” He paused, before shifting his tone towards a more menacing one. “And that applies to your understudies as well, Apprentice.”
“Now!” The armorer quickly shifted his attention from the apprentice, and towards class, his gesticulations wild, as if making for the apprentice’s slower, more sluggish demeanor. More specifically, he maintained this sort of “Y” posture, with both arms high above his head as he spoke. “For those of you wondering exactly what just happened… well, perhaps it would be best for you to leave the class considering this is exactly the sort of thing we’ll both be expecting of you following the conclusion of this school year! And for those of you who openly doubt the qualifications of our dear apprentice here… just know that she was hand-picked by Professor Mal’tory himself for a reason.” The man paused, before bringing his arms back down to his sides, if only to emphasize his point, before resuming the posture from before. “And until I see a single one of you being personally selected by a black, red, blue, or white-robed professor… I don’t want to hear a single peep of doubt from you lot. At least as it pertains to the apprentice’s ability to teach these classes! And if you need an extra guarantee of such? Well… know that the Academy does not allow an apprentice to teach without supervision from an appointed Professor of the Magical Arts.” He paused, as if for dramatic effect, before pointing both hands down towards himself. “Which just so happens to be the only Professor otherwise free from the burdens of stringent schedules — yours truly!”
To Sorecar’s credit, the murmurs born of inflated egos, and the whispers of dissidence did not once dare to interrupt, or follow-up on the man’s proclamations.
If anything, that entire… display was enough to keep the critics at bay, and the ones on the fence to fully hop back on the side of respect.
At least, until one group decided to tempt fate, deploying a privacy screen.
ALERT: LOCALIZED SURGE OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED, 350% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
If only for that privacy screen to suffer the same effects as the rest of the spells casted throughout class thus far.
ALERT: VARIABLE FREQUENCY FLUCTUATION OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED 100 - 350% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
“Bold! Brash! And indeed, cheeky, if that word still holds true in this era’s vernacular!” Sorecar announced with a laugh that radiated deep from within his armor. “Unlike other classes that prohibit the casting of magic save for practice or demonstrative purposes, I fully allow it, nay, I say, I encourage it! You youths should be free to cast magic whenever and however you like!” The man paused soon after, and once again shifted gears towards a more severe timbre, yet never once losing that lackadaisical personality I knew him for. “But just remember, while you may freely practice these magical gifts you have and hold so highly, doing such in this class is to be considered a direct challenge by yours truly! This is the study of Light Magic and Mana-field Perception, after all! And thus, in the spirit of scholarly competition, I shall take every spell cast as a chance to prove what’s what!”
The man paused, before gesturing towards the apprentice. “Now, for those of you still quite confused with the definition of Light Magic as it pertains to the Nexian vernacular, I shall defer the right of tutelage back to that of our dear Apprentice. The floor is yours, my lady.”
A brief exchange of bows between the teaching duo was had, before the apprentice finally started, now with all doubts and concerns fully addressed not just by words alone, but through action as well.
“As all of you may have already discerned, the demonstration Professor Pliska had so graciously provided, was an attempt to illustrate the most visible effects of Light Magic — that being the detection and subsequent dispelling of active and pre-active spells. The subject of Light magic, thus refers to the study of the detection, dispelling, counterspelling, and disarming of all forms of other magics.”
“And by that definition, it is the single most combative field of magic there is.” Sorecar promptly chimed in with a nod towards the apprentice, almost like he was tag-teaming this opening statement with her; establishing a precedent for the dynamics of the class. “For in order to practice Light Magic, one must be in the presence of an active spell. And in order to truly practice Light Magic, one must be in the presence of active danger, as unlike most forms of magic, unevenness and intensity in casting is key to the successful destabilization of an offending spell.”
“So THAT’S what the fluctuations were.” I thought to myself outloud inside my helmet.
“Moreover—” Sorecar continued, raising his arms into the air once again as if to emphasize his points. “—to the seasoned and the wise, Light Magic as a field is known to be the single most versatile field in existence. For if implemented correctly, it has the capacity to bring all other forms of magic to its knees.”
“Versatility and adaptability are core elements of Light Magic, so while not capable of much harm by itself, it is capable of incredible feats of defense if used correctly.”
To say that I was pleasantly surprised would’ve been an understatement by this point. Because not only was Mal’tory completely out for the count, and not only was he replaced by two of my only cordial relations within the Academy thus far, but the class itself was refreshingly straightforward. There was no mincing around words like Vanavan’s class of lectures, there was also no overt signs of blatant propaganda and indoctrination like in Articord’s class. Instead, this whole class started out with a practical demo of all things, followed up essentially with a breakdown of exactly what we were studying.
“What you observed during the start of class, were just two out of a near-infinite set of examples demonstrating counterspell and dispelling measures, a rather dramatic one I might add but one that you may very well one day use.” The apprentice continued following yet another exchange of nods with Sorecar.
“And indeed, while they may have seemed trivial to the keen-eyed observer, the execution of their dispelling is anything but. Because despite what most misinformed minds may believe regarding counterspelling — dispelling isn’t simply a matter of overpowering an offending spell with a burst of mana, but instead, more akin to the unwinding of a knot, or the picking of a lock. You must act to untangle a spell, until the spell itself falls apart at the seams.” Sorecar continued, before once again swapping the baton with Larial through an exchange of nods.
“Which is exactly why Light Magic continues to be a field forever expanding in its domain.” The apprentice continued. “Because as every other field develops more and more convoluted forms of spells and artificing, so too does Light Magic have to adapt, improvise, and overcome these advanced and oftentimes eclectic means of casting.”
So an arms race… I thought to myself.
“It is, in essence, a pure magic field. Yet it is applied as if it were an applied magical field of study.” Sorecar surmised, prompting me to actually listen in with genuine intent, this marking the first moment I was truly engaged with a class with none of its politics.
“And as for the Mana-Field Perception class?” The apprentice continued with an inquisitive tone of voice. “It’s effectively an extension, or rather, a foundational element of Light Magic depending on how one wishes to view it. Because in order to become proficient in Light Magic, you have to first understand and hone your abilities in order to detect the nuances within mana-streams and mana-fields. It is only through the detection of disruptions and the accurate understanding of a spell being cast, that you are able to apply more advanced abjurations in an attempt to counter these spells. Sometimes even before they’re cast if you’re so inclined to.”
“Now, how many of you can genuinely say you noticed the shift in the room’s aura prior to the casting of that Firestream?” Sorecar asked the crowd, prompting almost every hand to be raised.
“Well that’s just a blatant lie now, isn’t it?” The man retorted bluntly. “I can tell by your reactions just before the Flamespear hit, you know. So please, honestly now, I’m giving you one more chance to answer.”
About three quarters of the class lowered their hands, leaving only the gang, Auris Ping and Qiv’s group, as well as a few other scattered students to maintain their raised hands.
“Alright, that’s about exactly the number I counted from behind the veil! Rightio then!” Sorecar proclaimed through what I could only imagine would’ve been a grin if it wasn’t for his armor. “This is exactly why mana-field perception is necessary. Because to most mages, it is a learned skill rather than an inherent trait. Which, of course, is by no means a demerit! But moreso, a wonderful little oddity in the grander tapestry that is the magical arts and pedagogue!”
The apprentice quickly followed that up with a series of talks once more summarizing the expectations of the class. Mana-field perception was, unsurprisingly, divided into practical and theoretical assessments. Which, at first, seemed to be a potential roadblock, until I realized one fundamental way this class could actually benefit my aims.
“EVI?” I spoke inwardly, as Larial started her lectures on mana-field perception.
“Yes, Cadet Booker?”
“Is there any chance you can maybe interpolate and extrapolate on the Apprentice’s points? As in, is it possible to… visualize magic, as opposed to just alerting me to bursts of it?”
“The mana-radiation visualization project, or MRVP, has been in development for some time, Cadet Booker. The research and development teams however, were unable to create a reliable model for field-use that wouldn’t have been a liability to operations.”
“So it wasn’t field-deployable because of the variance and accuracy issue.”
“Correct, Cadet Booker.”
“Alright, and you said all they needed was more data to create a better model for it, right?”
“Correct, Cadet Booker.”
“Could you… do that with this? Is that within your mission parameters to do so?”
“It is indeed one of the many ongoing projects taking up the bulk of my processing capacity, Cadet Booker. However, proper implementation of this will require additional hardware to be developed, tested, and then field-deployed for testing. The success rate of which is yet to be determined. I cannot guarantee this operation will yield the desired results inferred, Cadet Booker.”
“Alright, that’s good enough for me.” I acknowledged, before turning back to class with a renewed sense of invigoration.
The lecture continued, only stopping about midway as the apprentice realized she’d yet to elaborate on the whole Light Magic class side of things.
Which, it turns out, was more or less similar to Mana-field perception in its assessment criteria — that being a mix of practical and theory assessments. A combination of written exams and practical counterspelling would be expected in tests, midterms, and finals. This would mark my first true hurdle… but then again, perhaps I could balance out the rest of my grades against the practicals which was more or less an impossibility given my obvious human limitations…
“As with most of the classes in the first year, I will treat both periods as one. As both subjects are intertwined, we may see glimpses of both within the same period.” The apprentice continued, before shifting gears towards something else. “And on the topic of periods, since we’re nearing the conclusion of the first, with lunch quickly coming upon us, I believe it to be necessary to inform everyone now of what awaits at the end of this second period.” The apprentice spoke ominously, as she made the effort of meeting every one of the students’ gazes. “By day’s end, I intend for a pair of you to perform a practical demonstration of the fundamentals of light magic. So I expect everyone to pay close attention after lunch.”
A small pause punctuated the room yet again, before Sorecar, after several hours of silence, came to complete the apprentice’s thoughts; his faceplate squeaked to form a shape that just barely gave off the feeling of a smirk.
“Be prepared, and be ready, for your first real brush with magical dueling.”
“First being the operative word here, I must add.” The apprentice quickly clarified. “Within the bounds of demonstrative purposes.”
I could just about hear the band rounding out the corner outside the hall, and I could just about see a few students ready to pack up their things for lunch.
However, before the band could arrive, Thalmin unexpectedly stood up, raising his hand in the process.
“Yes, Prince Thalmin Havenbrock?” The apprentice acknowledged.
“I wish to volunteer as the issuer of this duel, and to designate the other party for this duel as well.”
The apprentice paused, considering this carefully, before nodding. “Granted, though I warn you Prince Havenbrock, this is an introductory demonstration, and will be treated as such. In any case, who would you wish to designate as the other party?”
“Lord Auris Ping.”
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(Author’s Note: And there we have it! Light Magic Theory and Manafield Perception classes are both now in session! This is probably the most fun and engaging class I've written yet, and this is a sentiment that Emma shares as well! I do hope you guys share the sentiment haha as I still think that action is something I still am quite lacking in, in terms of my abilities to properly write and convey it. I hope you guys enjoy! :D The next Two Chapters are already up on Patreon if you guys are interested in getting early access to future chapters!)
[If you guys want to help support me and these stories, here's my ko-fi ! And my Patreon for early chapter releases (Chapter 80 and Chapter 81 of this story is already out on there!)]