I am F22, 5'6, 183 pounds and exercise daily. I am white. I haven't lost weight on the scale yet, but I've gone from a 36 inch waist to a 30 inch waist. I don't drink, I don't do drugs but I do vape. Ive taken 37.5mg of Effexor for the past 4 days after ceasing Sertraline 75mg after 3 months. Diabetes does run in my family but typically during menopause/older age. My grandfather had type 1 diabetes and he died at 57 years old. My last blood test was in 2022 in the ER due to abdominal pain. Cystic leisons in pelvic area, cystic leisons around bladder extending to my interior abdominal muscle/internal debris found and SI joint arthritis. Other than that, unremarkable. Tip top shape. I had my Mirena IUD taken out April 17th 2024. Today my boyfriend brought donuts home and I had four within the course of a few hours. Eventually I went to the gym, worked out for an hour and came back upstairs. Enjoyed another delicious donut. I don't typically eat sugar because I'm not a fan of sweets and the most sugar I get in a day is from ketchup or grapes. My period was/is two days late so I did what any responsible and paranoid young lady would do and took a test. The test required me to pee into the little cup it provided and use a dropper to transfer the urine into the test. I urinated into the cup and noticed a sweet smell. I smelled myself and my clothes because it honestly smelled exactly like donuts or a gourmand vanilla perfume. No, not me, so I brought the cup up to my nose to get a closer smell. My urine smelled like the donut glaze they use at Tim Hortons, which is exactly where the donuts I enjoyed came from. I finished the test, I am not pregnant, yippe! I have been noticing odd symptoms that easily could be explained by other things going on in my life. Dry mouth, thirsty constantly, urinating constantly, fatigue, blurry vision: SSRI. I stopped taking Sertraline very specifically because a few times a week I would wake up dizzy, shaking, nauseous, diarrhea, blurry vision, laggy vision and rapid heart beat. I'd get up, unlock the door incase I needed to call 911, get my gigantic water bottle, find my way into a hot shower and sit in it until I felt "settled" and then eat a bite of an uncrustable. I would go back to bed and hope I wouldn't die. I'd wake up feeling better but overall lethargic. My doctor said it's not possible Sertraline was the cause of this because he confirmed I didnt have serotonin Syndrome. He seemed frustrated but switched me anyways because he had no explanation otherwise. I noticed about a few months ago my urine smelled like the buttered popcorn and I never thought much about it, since I am not a peeologist. 

About an hour after my sweet urine dilemma I started to feel like garbage. Perhaps anxiety, perhaps not. All I know, is that it probably wasn't a great idea to smarf down 4 donuts at once and then 1 donut after the gym. I don't typically eat donuts, but I was so hungry and they really hit the spot.

A few questions. Is it possible to have sweet smelling urine without having diabetes? Is it possible that because I don't eat much sugar that I didn't notice until now? Am I just overly anxious about my other symptoms and being paranoid? If I am diabetic do SSRI's & SNRI'S affect your blood glucose or insulin? 

I have an appointment with my doctor on the 23rd and I will be bringing it up with him. I just don't want to sound crazy or overly paranoid about my health. If this is concerning (which all put together sounds like it is lol), I do live with my boyfriend so he will be around to keep an eye on me. I also acknowledge I am overweight and I am working on it actively by daily exercise, caloric deficit and healthy foods.

Before u read, this will be bunch of informations that are barely connected, it's poorly written, I'm not claiming to have done nothing wrong I just need someone to share my situation with and maybe seek some advice.
Me (F20) have been dating my bf (M19) for almost two years. For background : we went to same school and I used to be his long-term hallway crush, but he seemed shy so I made a first move. In the beginning, like every relationship goes, I could brag about how perfectly he's treating me if anyone asked, and, having sh1tty situations in payt with ex and situationship I was over the moon to have someone treat me so gentle.
Before we started dating, he knew I have an ex of over two years, he knew I had two boys being my very dear friends and I told him, as he has no lady friends, that if he expects me to remove one guy especially it wont work and he agreed that he won't be expecting of me to cut off my friends for him with no hesitation. Guy friend in question is kinda boy who sees to opposite gender besties and if someone says they'd be cute couple he'd act as if it's actual inc3st and we never saw each other any other way then friends. At the prom, same guy friend cried for two hours because he thought I didn't have good time because my crush kissed another girl, but honestly I had the great time when i saw how much he cared for me.
My byofriend also, before dating me, without me asking or saying anything said "I'll remove all woman from my life when I have u" aka girls from school that are people he doesn't talk to enough to call them friends but there is some contact between them. I was confused because I didn't plan on asking him to as I have guy friends but i felt respected.
It all ended up the exact opposite, I did remove my friend who i still miss to this day because my boyfriend was overly jealous. On his side : girls from school started to pick up on him and when he told me about it, I sensed bullying and told him to block them because they're being pretty annoying and he, kidd u not, asked "do i have to?" so brought up him saying he'd remove anyone for me and he did after days of arguing and me crying because it's the opposite of our agreement before dating. It wasn't even jealousy on my side and he didn't want to block them because he thought they'd ask why and he'd be uncomfortable but... He made a promise that he didn't keep.
Year later he broke up with me partly because i wasn't "pure"/ I have an ex and partly because of how bad my mood swings were (I had 3 doctors diagnosing me with severe depression and was almost hospitalized at the time I was "moody" ).
That breakup had me getting even worse because he was the guy to say "I'm so scared you'll leave me" "if you stay I stay" "i hope we're forever" I didn't know forever meant one year but the breakup was only 2 weeks long, had me suffering for over a month before he actually broke up because he took it very very slow. I slept 15 minutes a day and i wish i was being metaphoric, waiting for him to decide weather he'll stay or not. I did everything I could, my ocd gets worse in stressful situations and my brain telling me "if you do this, that will happen, if you don't, that will happen" all day every day, but I obviously did everything it told me to do to keep him and he still left and ruined us for 2 weeks of separation.
Note : If someone tells you they have something going on and they can't change it, don't come in their life trying to force a change, weather it's friendship you might not like or mental disorder out of their control, please.
After we got back together : - I told him i spent time home in group chat with two of my girls and some of their friends and random boy we found where we played "guess what I drew" because i couldn't leave bed and couldn't sleep, he got jealous at that random boy and made me feel bad for doing something while not being in a relationship. (I didn't flirt, we didn't talk in private chat, we just played and he was also aroace.)
While we were on breakup I also reached out to my guy friend and he is doing amazing, enjoying life and was happy I contacted him but my boyfriend made me cut him off, again. Tho, his sister best friend (girl) is buying him gifts, sleeping over at their place in room him and his sister are sharing but why would I be jealous? In fact, I'm not, I like that girl more then I like his family.
Anyway, it was last summer, when he asked me to be his girlfriend again I told him that I'll need time to heal, prepared him for the fact that I will bring up stuff he did before we broke up because I'm still hurt, and he'll need to be extra patient and gentle and he agreed, but instead, every time I talked about pain breakup caused because I wasn't over it, he'd yell at me so i tried to bottle it all up.
In past few months, everything I tell him will hurt me he'll find a way to do it, even if it's something he didn't have in mind, if i told him fictionally it'll hurt me so he knows, he'll do it, and when I confront him about it he'd focus on my reaction saying "are u being fr?" (Like I didn't warn him.) or "stop making me angrier I'm stressed" ( Like I'm not, also, stressed.)
Every time he does something i asked him not to, if I had a reaction it would turn into hours long fight and after making me a bad guy for reacting, he'd play a victim saying I misunderstood, it's all in my head ect. Well i started to tell my friend about our fights or I'd ask AI making "story" to see situation from someone else's perspective because I was tired of being told it's all in my head and it's on daily basis.
He recently started to pick up on my traits of ocd or autism that I also have diagnosed and told him about before he asked me out.
This was my overreaction, I agree, but I'm aware and I didn't ask to be this way; He gave me his hoodie so I'll sit in bus ( it was so dirty and I'd rather be standing, but he wanted me to sit with him and offered a hoodie which was nice. ) when we got to my place laundry dryer fell and put his hoodie on my, just day before, washed rug so i can have free hands to pick up the laundry, he picked hoodie up, angry that i left it on a floor for hot minute, immediately and put it on my bed where I sleep. I threw it right away and started crying because I'm extremely germophobic and had flashbacks from how dirty the bus was, he wanted to go home because i was acting too crazy and I know it's too much of a reaction on my side but I'd rather be like that then like people with no basic hygiene. He started asking "are you going to be this way forever?" And pressuring me to answer, then he told me I'm the only person in whole world behaving like this, like I don't know it's too much, I know it, my ocd is taking over my time and my life, my rituals are anxiously long, my fear of being dirty makes me unable to function through out the day, I have it hard already without someone putting a pressure on it, my doctor refused to treat me even tho I told him it takes at least 2 hours after I go to bed to re-do all my rituals so I can sleep without feer and I still end up waking up few times in one night, I know it's not normal bruh that's why it's a disorder lol, I never claimed it was normal but how can I just get it out of my body, I feel like crazy disgusting creature with zero rights to live because of what he says every time I have a" moment ".
He also doesn't fail to make me feel guilty for not paying attention to my tone when speaking or my facial expressions or my sensory sensitivity like it's all my fault, asking when will I stop being like this and that it's just me being like this, that no one else is this hard to deal with.
I love him and he's making me hate my existence, my flaws, things I can't change about myself, what am I supposed to do about it? Therapy in this country isn't much of help. I feel so guilty oftenly for being the way I am and I didn't even list half of the things.
He also makes me feel guilty for him giving me his time, when we have plans for a day but we spend that day with him always being in rush to go back home and him complaining how he didn't have to do A B and C because he "had to see me" like he doesn't even want to see me. (Same boy who said, over year ago " I can't stand seeing you only four hours a day I wish to be around you all the time".
We're fighting every day and every day it's something I asked him not to do but he still did and it always ends up with me being just too angry all the time and him doing nothing wrong.
He doesn't communicate well, he's messages contains 2-3 words and when I understand what he wrote instead of what he "meant" it's my fault. I warned him more then year ago that if I keep trying to explain in 5 different ways my point of view while he doesn't even explains his with valid sentence I'll give up on talking.
He's "explanation" goes like this : If i ask for two plus two he'll say the fishes brethe air - not only is the explanation wrong in general but it never has anything to do with my question. Like dudes that cheat and excause is that his grandma died, you get it?
Now, I'm so tired that when I try to tell him what's wrong, when he starts to be self defensive I block him because I can't take it anymore, I now can't communicate because I know how it'll end up anyway and it lost it's meaning. I'm turning out toxic but I'm tired, my soul is tired while his soul is rotting.
It hurts watching my sweet boy turning into such an ignorant and pathetic person. I started to think he has npd.
It seems like only solution is for me to stop reacting and to bottle everything up, but that's not relationship I want. I don't want to pretend I'm fine when I'm not, I don't want to keep masking around my own partner just for the sake of his ego because that guy can't stand being told he did something wrong and it takes hours of justifying, self-defense and victim role for him to actually say sorry without even understanding why he should be apologizing for.
TLDR : I (20f) am dating my bf (19m) who's only ever focused on my reaction when he's mistreating me then the reason why I reacted.

Before u read, this will be bunch of informations that are barely connected, it's poorly written, I'm not claiming to have done nothing wrong I just need someone to share my situation with and maybe seek some advice.
Me (F20) have been dating my bf (M19) for almost two years. For background : we went to same school and I used to be his long-term hallway crush, but he seemed shy so I made a first move. In the beginning, like every relationship goes, I could brag about how perfectly he's treating me if anyone asked, and, having sh1tty situations in payt with ex and situationship I was over the moon to have someone treat me so gentle.
Before we started dating, he knew I have an ex of over two years, he knew I had two boys being my very dear friends and I told him, as he has no lady friends, that if he expects me to remove one guy especially it wont work and he agreed that he won't be expecting of me to cut off my friends for him with no hesitation. Guy friend in question is kinda boy who sees to opposite gender besties and if someone says they'd be cute couple he'd act as if it's actual inc3st and we never saw each other any other way then friends. At the prom, same guy friend cried for two hours because he thought I didn't have good time because my crush kissed another girl, but honestly I had the great time when i saw how much he cared for me.
My byofriend also, before dating me, without me asking or saying anything said "I'll remove all woman from my life when I have u" aka girls from school that are people he doesn't talk to enough to call them friends but there is some contact between them. I was confused because I didn't plan on asking him to as I have guy friends but i felt respected.
It all ended up the exact opposite, I did remove my friend who i still miss to this day because my boyfriend was overly jealous. On his side : girls from school started to pick up on him and when he told me about it, I sensed bullying and told him to block them because they're being pretty annoying and he, kidd u not, asked "do i have to?" so brought up him saying he'd remove anyone for me and he did after days of arguing and me crying because it's the opposite of our agreement before dating. It wasn't even jealousy on my side and he didn't want to block them because he thought they'd ask why and he'd be uncomfortable but... He made a promise that he didn't keep.
Year later he broke up with me partly because i wasn't "pure"/ I have an ex and partly because of how bad my mood swings were (I had 3 doctors diagnosing me with severe depression and was almost hospitalized at the time I was "moody" ).
That breakup had me getting even worse because he was the guy to say "I'm so scared you'll leave me" "if you stay I stay" "i hope we're forever" I didn't know forever meant one year but the breakup was only 2 weeks long, had me suffering for over a month before he actually broke up because he took it very very slow. I slept 15 minutes a day and i wish i was being metaphoric, waiting for him to decide weather he'll stay or not. I did everything I could, my ocd gets worse in stressful situations and my brain telling me "if you do this, that will happen, if you don't, that will happen" all day every day, but I obviously did everything it told me to do to keep him and he still left and ruined us for 2 weeks of separation.
Note : If someone tells you they have something going on and they can't change it, don't come in their life trying to force a change, weather it's friendship you might not like or mental disorder out of their control, please.
After we got back together : - I told him i spent time home in group chat with two of my girls and some of their friends and random boy we found where we played "guess what I drew" because i couldn't leave bed and couldn't sleep, he got jealous at that random boy and made me feel bad for doing something while not being in a relationship. (I didn't flirt, we didn't talk in private chat, we just played and he was also aroace.)
While we were on breakup I also reached out to my guy friend and he is doing amazing, enjoying life and was happy I contacted him but my boyfriend made me cut him off, again. Tho, his sister best friend (girl) is buying him gifts, sleeping over at their place in room him and his sister are sharing but why would I be jealous? In fact, I'm not, I like that girl more then I like his family.
Anyway, it was last summer, when he asked me to be his girlfriend again I told him that I'll need time to heal, prepared him for the fact that I will bring up stuff he did before we broke up because I'm still hurt, and he'll need to be extra patient and gentle and he agreed, but instead, every time I talked about pain breakup caused because I wasn't over it, he'd yell at me so i tried to bottle it all up.
In past few months, everything I tell him will hurt me he'll find a way to do it, even if it's something he didn't have in mind, if i told him fictionally it'll hurt me so he knows, he'll do it, and when I confront him about it he'd focus on my reaction saying "are u being fr?" (Like I didn't warn him.) or "stop making me angrier I'm stressed" ( Like I'm not, also, stressed.)
Every time he does something i asked him not to, if I had a reaction it would turn into hours long fight and after making me a bad guy for reacting, he'd play a victim saying I misunderstood, it's all in my head ect. Well i started to tell my friend about our fights or I'd ask AI making "story" to see situation from someone else's perspective because I was tired of being told it's all in my head and it's on daily basis.
He recently started to pick up on my traits of ocd or autism that I also have diagnosed and told him about before he asked me out.
This was my overreaction, I agree, but I'm aware and I didn't ask to be this way; He gave me his hoodie so I'll sit in bus ( it was so dirty and I'd rather be standing, but he wanted me to sit with him and offered a hoodie which was nice. ) when we got to my place laundry dryer fell and put his hoodie on my, just day before, washed rug so i can have free hands to pick up the laundry, he picked hoodie up, angry that i left it on a floor for hot minute, immediately and put it on my bed where I sleep. I threw it right away and started crying because I'm extremely germophobic and had flashbacks from how dirty the bus was, he wanted to go home because i was acting too crazy and I know it's too much of a reaction on my side but I'd rather be like that then like people with no basic hygiene. He started asking "are you going to be this way forever?" And pressuring me to answer, then he told me I'm the only person in whole world behaving like this, like I don't know it's too much, I know it, my ocd is taking over my time and my life, my rituals are anxiously long, my fear of being dirty makes me unable to function through out the day, I have it hard already without someone putting a pressure on it, my doctor refused to treat me even tho I told him it takes at least 2 hours after I go to bed to re-do all my rituals so I can sleep without feer and I still end up waking up few times in one night, I know it's not normal bruh that's why it's a disorder lol, I never claimed it was normal but how can I just get it out of my body, I feel like crazy disgusting creature with zero rights to live because of what he says every time I have a" moment ".
He also doesn't fail to make me feel guilty for not paying attention to my tone when speaking or my facial expressions or my sensory sensitivity like it's all my fault, asking when will I stop being like this and that it's just me being like this, that no one else is this hard to deal with.
I love him and he's making me hate my existence, my flaws, things I can't change about myself, what am I supposed to do about it? Therapy in this country isn't much of help. I feel so guilty oftenly for being the way I am and I didn't even list half of the things.
He also makes me feel guilty for him giving me his time, when we have plans for a day but we spend that day with him always being in rush to go back home and him complaining how he didn't have to do A B and C because he "had to see me" like he doesn't even want to see me. (Same boy who said, over year ago " I can't stand seeing you only four hours a day I wish to be around you all the time".
We're fighting every day and every day it's something I asked him not to do but he still did and it always ends up with me being just too angry all the time and him doing nothing wrong.
He doesn't communicate well, he's messages contains 2-3 words and when I understand what he wrote instead of what he "meant" it's my fault. I warned him more then year ago that if I keep trying to explain in 5 different ways my point of view while he doesn't even explains his with valid sentence I'll give up on talking.
He's "explanation" goes like this : If i ask for two plus two he'll say the fishes brethe air - not only is the explanation wrong in general but it never has anything to do with my question. Like dudes that cheat and excause is that his grandma died, you get it?
Now, I'm so tired that when I try to tell him what's wrong, when he starts to be self defensive I block him because I can't take it anymore, I now can't communicate because I know how it'll end up anyway and it lost it's meaning. I'm turning out toxic but I'm tired, my soul is tired while his soul is rotting.
It hurts watching my sweet boy turning into such an ignorant and pathetic person. I started to think he has npd.
It seems like only solution is for me to stop reacting and to bottle everything up, but that's not relationship I want. I don't want to pretend I'm fine when I'm not, I don't want to keep masking around my own partner just for the sake of his ego because that guy can't stand being told he did something wrong and it takes hours of justifying, self-defense and victim role for him to actually say sorry without even understanding why he should be apologizing for.
TLDR : I (20f) am dating my bf (19m) who's only ever focused on my reaction when he's mistreating me then the reason why I reacted.

Hi guys, I've come here time to time for the past 7 or 8 months whenever I feel symptoms or anxious and I guess it's time I shared my story, as there could be some things I learned along the way that would be helpful for folks. I'm a 30 year old male. I took minoxidil for 5 years from the age of 25. Once that didn't seem to be working any more I tried to get oral minoxidil and my doctor told me to get on propecia instead. I told her I felt a little scared about that but she said I'd be fine. I've always had a good libido, maybe too good, like bordering on sex obsession.. so I figured if anything a little less libido might do me good. Soon after I started the propecia I got a concussion (mild) from a soccer ball, and that was after a weekend where I tripped on acid, so there were some things going on. I had also had pretty bad food poisoning some months ago that took forever to heal from with some lingering tummy problems. Anyway, I had weird symptoms after the concussion. I almost felt like, euphoric. It felt like my brain was just releasing all of its happy chemicals at once. Part of my euphoria was an absolute disinterest in sex, but I enjoyed that, I felt like I was attaining enlightenment or something. I was glowing and productive. After a week or so all of this went away and I went back to having normal sexual health and normal (bad) mental health and I didn't really think about it again. Fast forward 6 months. I quit my job because I am depressed about it and life in NYC is suffocating me, I want to travel the world before it burns down, in the interim I move back home to get my affairs sorted. I had to dye my hair for some short film, and I hated it, when I cut it my hair didn't look good, seemed I'd lost a lot more than I thought, and that made me sad so I was researching finasteride (does this stuff even work?) and then I accidentally found this community on reddit... and it freaked me out. I had a full blown panic attack reading these posts. Then I started thinking about things that had been happening in my life. Increased anxiety and depression. Chronic prostatitis. And the development of IBS, especially bad after drinking alcohol, which actually led me to give up drinking for a while. My sexual health was fine, but I think the anxiety from reading the reddit posts gave me some weird sexual side effects, not joking. That same day I started feeling an achey tingling in my balls, as if they were swelling up. I remember going on a walk with a girl I was seeing and I just felt so off and couldn't even enjoy walking because of the heaviness of my balls and I didn't want to sleep with her at all anymore. I immediately gave up both fin and min, kind of sad because I had just bought a years supply of the stuff from one of those new websites that makes it easy. So with all this happening, I had also been planing to ride my bicycle around the world. I left for India about a week after cutting the hair drugs and cutting alcohol. And then I'm in India. Without alcohol, my IBS pretty much completely healed. I was making very nice poos. The cycling irritated my prostate though. I started off by going over the Himalayas which involved a lot of climbing and therefore a lot of my groin pushing hard into a bike saddle. Still, I was able to pleasure myself in the tent successfully, which I only did to keep tabs on my progress of course. Things were looking up. Leaving work and NYC and America already did a 180 on all of my mental health issues, as did quitting alcohol. My memory improved. I was reading and writing and thinking clearly. I was a happy guy. After finishing the himalayas I had a few beers about it with some friends to celebrate. A few days later I got some cramps in my abdomen, and then the next day severe food poisoning. Both ends type. So bad. Had to keep going though. I kept cycling through the mountains. For two weeks I had diarrhea, and then that turned into regular old IBS again, like always running to the bathroom never knowing if I'll make it on time and the poop is this sludge like texture. It sucked. I was also sad about my hair, as it looked like I was losing all my gains. I bought a fin/min topical mixture and started using that while I was in a meditation retreat. I started having that weird euphoric feeling again, but I attributed it to the meditation, which was really life changing but no need to elaborate on that. I also started feeling prostatitis again (burning sensation tip of penis, feels like you want to pee). I had fixed the tilt on my bike saddle to eliminate prostate issues so it was weird that it was coming back again. I figured maybe coming from sitting in meditative posture all day. I guess I was in denial, but after about a month or so I figured it must be the finasteride so I gave it up again and switched to just minoxidil. But then, the minoxidil was making me feel weird too. I remember one time, the very same night I applied minoxidil it felt like my asshole was falling out, like I had a rectal prolapse, now I think it's hemorrhoids. I had the hemorrhoid feeling for a while. Keep in mind, my main issue at this time remains the IBS. I also had very low libido but honestly I rarely saw attractive women on my trip so who knows. So I kept cycling, I cycled all the way from the North in KashmiLadakh to Kerala, the south. My IBS never went away. I tried all sorts of things for my hair. I went to an ayurvedic place and they put leeches on my scalp which was hilarious. They also gave me this weird ayurvedic oil with no real instructions. I think that must have had some DHT blocker in it because it gave me the weird feelings too, especially the hemorrhoid feeling. I started drinking oregano oil and taking copious amounts of probiotics, which would always help for a couple days against the IBS but I think the heat of the Indian sun killed them off while they were in my saddle bags. Then I found this new chemical combo in South India, starring redensyl and backed up with procapil and anagain. I figured what the hell why not. It came with a dht blocker gummy vitamin but it was just green tea with biotin and zinc so whatever. I started feeling a lot better on that. One random week I started getting insane erections and it felt like my dick grew an inch. Can't really explain what was going on there. Prior to that the erections were meh and I would cum sometimes in a half-noodle like state which was very sad. Anyway, that didn't last forever. Once I got to the very south I decided I needed a full system reboot and went to another ayurvedic place and got something called a panchakarma. In panchakarma you go on a very restrictive diet and they massage all of your body toxins into your gut, they make you drink a ton of ghee to help do this, and then they purge you, so it all comes out of your butt, and then in my case I got 5 medicated enemas. It's a two week process, sometimes longer. I know it sounds crazy but it definitely makes you feel better. I was also doing yoga and meditating every day which was super helpful. After that my IBS went away. I had to keep to the diet for two weeks after: no sugar, caffeine, gluten, alcohol or meat. After the two weeks I dipped my toes back into all those things and my gut stayed solid. Crazy. I also felt good sexually. I started taking another hair serum, this one with redensyl, anagain, procapil, and pumpkin seed oil. Still felt great. I flew to Malaysia and started cycling there. In Malaysia I just started feeling better and better. No IBS, huge erections again. In fact, I became obsessed with sex again. And it was depressing. I actually started missing the days when I had no libido in India. I was really able to focus on other things. Sex is such a waste of mental energy. I could drink alcohol again. And so I did, and had no issues. Which was great but I also was kind of sad about it, am I just going to be a sex-obsessed booze hound again? Have I learned nothing? Anyway, the story continues. No one is bald in Malaysia so I had to order more of my chemicals to feed my hopeless hair serum addiction. I found a crazy one that was stacked with redensyl, anagain, procapil, baicapil, capixyl, biotin, aminexil, rice water, rosemary oil, and .... saw palmetto. The saw palmetto was maybe .3% so I figured it probably wouldn't have any effect, especially since I was fine with the pumpkin seed oil. Anyway, 10 days into that serum I got the tingly swelly feeling in my balls again and some prostatitis too! Oy, back to the start it would seem. I'm mainly just upset because I ordered 3 bottles of that stuff and had to pay taxes on the import because it came from India, and now I guess I have to throw it all out? Whatever. Anyway, you can call me an idiot, but by using my body as a guinea pig I believe I've uncovered some interesting info for everyone. Just as the early men who figured out which berries were poisonous, I serve humanity with my tragic misadventures. Still cycling, hoping to go around the world and find new ways to mess with my hormones and keep some of my hair. My advice from this, do something to fully cleanse your system, like the panchakarma. We've basically tampered too much with our settings and need to do a factory reset. You can do a lot of that stuff on your own, fasting, purging, enemas. It stimulates your body into healing itself. Hell, go to India. In India doctors actually listen to you and treat you holistically, and everything is cheap! You can get rifaximin for 2 dollars should you desire. You don't need to keep getting gaslit by expensive urologists and gastros in the states your whole life. Just do something crazy. You'll stay depressed if you linger on the internet for too long. And if you're stuck in a job/life you hate, take PFS as a sign and excuse to be selfish and get out of it, think of yourself as a terminally ill person that just wants to live life for the little time they have left. Obviously I still have no idea if any of what I've experienced is actually PFS or if it's maybe related to the original food poisoning or the concussion or maybe even Long Covid. No clue. But I do think a lot of my symptoms have been consistent with what you guys talk about. Either way, whatever it is, treat your body well and you may heal. I hope? I'm currently sitting on a swollen sack hoping that the PFS Gods will be merciful once more, but I know I don't deserve it. My desire to have hair still hasn't gone away, and I keep thinking maybe if I try just one more thing that'll be the thing that works. And that's what keeps pulling me back into this mess. But at the end of the day I can thank PFS for forcing me to make the big life changes that have made me a much happier person today, regardless of the state of my pelvic area.

The EXTREMELY detailed, mega-anxiety edition!!! Major events like consult and surgery day are labeled like this:
——— EVENT TITLE ———
Surgeon was Dr. David Whitehead and I saw him on Long Island (New Hyde)
Summarized list of major dates:
Consult: July 19 2023 Mental health letter acquired: August 9 Dates discussed: September 12 Pre-op appointment: December 18 Surgery day: January 8 2024 Post-op: January 17
November 11th 2022: Emailed northwell health for the first time, they emailed back saying to call. I was too anxious so I avoided it for a few months.
Called northwell a few months later but got too anxious talking to the person who picked up. They were being normal and talking normally, it was just personal anxiety on my part.
October 2022 - Early March 2023: Spent time talking to trans friends and family members about their timelines and processes for top surgery.
Looked into Penn medicine for a bit but wasn’t happy with the surgeons there, specifically as a nonbinary person. The patient navigational team however is lovely.
March 2: emailed Penn health patient navigation
March 3-10: correspondence and phone calls w patient navigation (absolutely wonderful people, some of the easiest phone calls I’ve ever had) Got lots of into on surgeons, things I’d need, processes etc.
Date unknown: phone call to Penn medicine asking about surgeons and possibly setting up as a patient (v long wait time on phone) Surgeon I had heard good things about only works w CHOP program and I’m was too old for that program. Other surgeons I was v iffy on.
March 23rd: Back to square 1. Called northwell again to set up an appointment. Everyone I spoke to was really nice. Could have set up an appointment within the week but decided to wait till the end of the semester. Scheduled a trans care and primary care appointment for May
Couple of calls In between for confirmations. Trans care appointment got moved around a bit and ended up being moved to a phone call.
May 8th: Trans care call: Basic preliminary questions like: Emergency contact, what you’re looking for, are you thinking of looking into hormones, experience w dysphoria or dysmorphia, mental health, and eating/nutritional concerns, things you might want doc to know, piercings or tattoos, do you do any drugs or drink often, etc. total call time was about 20 minutes. Doctor was incredibly kind, I still experienced a good deal of anxiety but the call was super easy, welcoming, and friendly. Got sent contact referrals for the surgeons, as well as trans-friendly therapists under my insurance.
May 9th: started looking at list of therapists and making respective emails and calls. Checking per session costs and double checking insurance. Most charge 100-150 per session. Got in contact w one.
May 10th: Called w first therapist talking about what I’m looking for, where I am in this process, if parents are supportive, and talking about costs. She was very friendly and affirming, wants to have a few sessions to get to know me and my situation before writing a letter. Understandable and expected, but frustrating.
May 15th: Primary care appointment: Went to northwell health primary care, parkinglot was a little scary (just a large lot with a lot of cars) but everyone working there’s is super kind. Office is incredibly affirming, pride flags and lgbtq+ art everywhere. Gave my insurance card, filled out some paper work, got called in pretty quickly. I have a needle phobia and medical trauma so I was panicking a bit in the office, nurse was good w me about it and doctor was very kind, I just requested to not have any blood work done that day and that was totally fine, so I could schedule that at a later date and go w a friend. Recommended to get blood work done before scheduling a consult w a surgeon. Also prescribed me a single dose anxiety med for the bloodwork which I was very happy about. I found over time that the anxiety meds unfortunately do little to nothing for my panic attacks personally when it comes to needles but regardless having a doctor acknowledge and respect that fear and listen to me was incredibly helpful and reassuring.
May 30th: Got blood work done in a different lab, went w a friend. Scheduling for that is super easy, I think I did it online actually I don’t entirely recall. they do take walk ins but I made an appointment to minimize complications and make sure I could prepare properly. Front desk/lobby area was a little spooky, but I think that is mainly just bc of my social anxiety. They take a urine sample, you give them your prescription, eventually they call you over for blood work. Quick and easy, tech was v nice and having a friend with me was incredibly helpful. Probably the best I’ve ever done with a needle despite the fact that I did still panic and get very lightheaded lol.
Got blood work results back within the next couple days, all looks a-okay! Neat :)
June 15th This day was incredibly difficult. I had my first session with a therapist to establish some ground knowledge around my dysphoria and the way that I view myself. Top surgery is something that I know from research and related experience Can be difficult and expensive to get and can take time, so much of my prep work has been on the understanding of taking things a step at a time and just knowing that the current way things are doesn’t have to be forever. It allowed me to be able to live with myself while prioritizing my health better. This read to the therapist as “not having the level of dysphoria [she’s] come to expect and look for in someone who is trans” and was largely based off the fact that I don’t want to go on hrt. Past that point I started to break down because now my method of learning to live with myself felt like it was actively going to work against me and prevent me from getting top surgery. I’m not good at talking about my dysphoria, I can’t imagine it’s easy for anyone, especially to a stranger I just met. It was rough, and I felt incredibly mentally drained after ending the session.
June 19th Called it quits with the first therapist, I felt incredibly disrespected and the one session we had put me in a mental spiral for days. It can feel some times in this process like the people you have to get permission from need you to be severely depressed and unable to wait another second for this procedure just in order to take you seriously.
After I left that therapist, I immediately got back to the list to find someone new. Spoke to a new therapist via email, but my insurance is kinda weird (Blue Cross Blue Shield out of state) so its off putting to some people. This therapist recommended I go through the office she started out at (Heart and Soul Counseling)
————- Time Skip ——————
IM BACK its time for some record keeping. Got super overwhelmed and lost the energy to document my process for some time so here goes.
HEART AND SOUL COUNSELING: My experience w/ this therapy office was mostly good. The person in charge, Jesse, was absolutely lovely and responsive. Never spoke in person, but any text/email interaction was prompt, respectful, and kind. The office is stellar with email/text communication, so I only ever had to call them once when I was initially inquiring about the office. This is something I wish all therapy/counseling centers did better, eliminated a ton of my anxiety and hesitation to speak to therapists.
I got set up w someone as quickly as possible and established what my goal was (to acquire letter document for my surgery team). I attended multiple session w the therapist, she was a kind lady but the sessions were unfortunately p miserable for me. We didn’t fit well, but I was willing to stick it out rather than backtrack on my process. She also did not invalidate me or accuse me of not being trans which was a major step up from my first therapy experience. Once I acquired my letter I did stop therapy there, I kindly explained to the therapist that it wasn’t a good match, but I may honestly explore my options at the office in the future. Receptionist there was also lovely and they had a cool fish tank.
———- CONSULT STARTS HERE —————
July 19th: CONSULT!!! My mama and I went to Dr. David Whiteheads office for a consult. Parking was a nightmare so I’m super glad I didn’t have to drive for this one (ty mama). Consult went really well, and the staff were all super friendly. Dr. Whitehead is cool, very chill energy and a bit intimidating, but I’m scared of everyone so that’s nothing new. First question he asked me is what I wanted/what he could do for me which caught me more off guard than it should have? I didn’t realize going into this process how many times people ask you what you’re having done even if it’s already written down, because there’s so much variety in what you can look for in the results.
We talked about the procedure, went through a slideshow n stuff, and discussed how I wanted a flat chest w/ no nipple preservation. They made sure to specify that my mental health professional letter had to include that I did not want nipple preservation because thats technically a “non-standard” appearance. Also had the first breast exam I’ve ever had in my life. Can’t say i’m a fan (not that I need to worry about that anymore!) Took pictures n measurements n such, and also discussed recovery supplies and care w me and my mom.
August 9th: After a plethora of painfully awkward therapy sessions, a decent amount of crying, and a couple breakdowns in friends cars/backyards, I got my therapist letter and sent it to the surgeons office. It ended up needing minor revisions to which I contacted Jesse from Heart and Soul and he got me the revised letter immediately. Unfortunately the surgical coordinator was out of office for the rest of the month the next day ;w;. Is how it be.
September 12th: Got a call from Surgical coordinator mid-painting class that I stepped out to take. Started discussing surgical dates!! She was kind enough to email the dates to me which was lovely because I was absolutely shaking/mind blank haha. There was an option for January 8th which felt like an absolute miracle the way it would work with my school schedule. It would give me a solid two weeks recovery time before spring semester began. Because it would be a couple months out, I was asked to contact her in the second week of October to submit documents to insurance.
(Timeline note: earliest date offered was in early December)
October 10th: Documents sent to insurance, predetermination started
October 30th: Received mail from my insurance approving my procedure as medically necessary (YAY) But! This is also where things get,,, fun! Dr Whitehead’s surgical coordinator, Alyssa, is a blessing and was very helpful and prompt with me despite the fact that I had to email her pretty constantly during this general time which I still feel bad about.
Around this time, my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, which I reported to the surgical coordinator because it influences my family history (grandmother also had breast cancer). It was asked that I get genetic testing done because this could impact my surgical procedure. Now I’m handling the setup on this between helping my mom in her process setting up consults and considering her options because there of course is a lot of crossover to the steps I’ve already completed and am familiar with.
November 1st: Very kind person at cancer genetics calls me, sends me a family history questionnaire to fill out before I can be scheduled to see a genetic counselor. Filled out the questionnaire the same day.
November 8th: Called cancer genetics to check about scheduling, office was not open so left a message. Got a call back later in the day. I have a virtual appointment with a Genetic counselor Tuesday the 14th. Current plan is a mailed saliva genetic test but I’m going to ask if theres anything I can do to get results/materials quicker. If I can’t get results/feedback by December 8th my surgery date may get deferred.
Trying not to stress too much because there is little to nothing I can do about this, and I just don’t want to be sad. I’ve kept telling myself throughout this process to not get excited and not let myself believe anything is solid because something could happen at any time that might mess up my schedule or plan, and If I convince myself I’m in the clear, those changes will hurt a lot more. So far I think thats been a good move, because this really sucks.
My surgery date is still officially scheduled as of now as well as my first post-op. I will also ideally have pre-surgical testing done December 18th should I be cleared by genetics in time (Fingers crossed!)
ALSO! Def lean on friends if/when you can during this process. It can absolutely be challenging, and having a support system is incredibly important and helpful. I’m super lucky to have really lovely and supportive friends that are around to listen to me and send me pictures of stupid little animals.
November 9th: My mama is scheduled for her double mastectomy on December 4th
November 10th: Did some shopping with my mama for recovery supplies for double mastectomy/top surgery. Having watched a million and a half transition/top surgery videos and tiktoks and having read all the blogs and posts and tweets makes you a great support for someone suddenly faced with an upcoming double mastectomy! We might go shopping this weekend for some button ups and zip ups for her, clothes shopping is better done when you can try stuff on
November 14th: Meeting w genetic counselor: Victoria Webb, one of the loveliest medical care workers I’ve ever met. Had a virtual appointment with her to discuss and set up genetic testing. I explained to her about my situation w the proximity of my surgery and tight deadline as well as my willingness to do a blood test instead of a saliva kit to get results quicker. She was so incredibly kind and good with me, ended up being able to do a saliva kit and get results in time she deserves every good thing in life.
December 18th: pre-surgical testing: This was at the main hospital, everyone was really nice but I had a really bad panic attack despite being on Xanax.
The process is sort of like getting a physical. Measurements like weight and blood pressure get taken, lots of preliminary health questions. The people working with me were really kind and I was very open with them about my anxiety, it was visually apparent though anyway because I started crying the second we even started talking about the blood draw.
Once the equipment was actually brought into the room I started to panic. Both of the women working with me were really kind and helpful and tried to distract me and keep me talking the entire time, but I did still have a really horrible panic attack. Every muscle in my body locked up and I lost all my color, took a bit to get back to a spot where I could move and talk properly because my speech was affected too. It was a bit scary but funny to think about in post. Thanked the medical staff for being patient w me as always, a good portion of the anxiety is also guilt about making things harder for them. Got through it tho. Def eat before presurgical if allowed, I didn’t and that probably didn’t help!!
———- SURGERY DAY ————-
January 8th:
Ok so surgery day:
This day was very scary. Got my phone call the Friday prior for my surgery time which ended up being 1pm and I was asked to arrive around 11. Got there at 10 and went in at 10:30.
Called up to check in then in waiting room till someone brought me back to change. I told her right away about my anxiety with the iv bc that’s legit all I could think about. Got changed right after. I was generally shaky and a little disoriented the entire time because I was panicking but everyone was very patient with me. Clothes and belongings go in a bag in a locker and you get two gowns one that faces back and one that faces front. I was given underwear and a pad as well because lucky me I got my period a couple days before my surgery.
The pre-op area is a lot of little cubicles with curtain divider things, blue soft chairs, and medical equipment. Everyone I met and spoke to was very kind, but any time someone even suggested starting my iv I would panic. I was informed it would have to be placed in my hand and that terrified me, I’m especially anxious and sensitive about my hands and fingers. I think doctors and nurses tend to misunderstand exactly where my fear is with needles and ivs. It isn’t the pain that scares me, but the concept of veins and and anything being in them. Even writing this right now is horrible so I’m going to stop w any further detail. I spent the entire two-ish hours of pre-op absolutely terrified about this iv.
I wasn’t really keeping track of time but dr whitehead came in to do markings for surgery. They had cool rainbow socks on,big fan. Having your chest drawn on and just like, moved around n shit is such an experience. Felt bad because I kept losing my balance but doctor Whitehead is cool and I am 98% less scared about them now.
Probably my most favorite person I met during my entire hospital experience was the anesthesiologist. I know he told me what his name was but I couldn’t focus on or retain information at the time. He told me we could essentially put me to sleep with gas before putting the iv in and for the first time in probably a solid week I felt like I could calm down a little. He took a look at my hand and arm to check my veins which always does freak me out a bit but I’m more used to that kind of thing at this point and I know nothing bad is going to happen. One of the nurses came in with the iv equipment and he let her know that were going to wait till in the or which was also incredibly helpful because I absolutely panicked when I saw that little supply kit again.
V nice lady brought me into the or, I’d never been in one before it was cool. They had a little music speaker which was really cool. Took off blue jacket gown and they helped me onto the table. They put a warm blanket over my legs and my chest to help me calm down. Before long they gave me a mask w fun happy sleepy time gas, they let me keep my arms on my chest for a while which was really nice because I was still scared. I started getting loopy pretty fast but I still heard when someone mentioned where the iv equipment was and panicked a little because of that. I remember feeling them take my hand for that but never actually felt anything happen. Just some fear but the gas was v helpful obvi. Someone said they would see me in a little bit, and then I was groggily waking up in recovery.
Recovery was a little rough bc the iv was still there (fully wrapped up so I couldn’t see it though which was rad) but I was still really anxious about it until it was taken out and when it was taken out. For anyone that struggles w this i did not feel them remove it, just the tape. Everything was mentally much easier after that. After a while, going over instructions w parents, a cracker , some ginger ale and some juice, my dad helped me Get dressed and I was helped out to the car in a wheel chair. Ride was smooth bc of remaining numbness and meds except a few Bumps in the road
TOP SURGERY GOTTEN
My post op date was scheduled for Jan 17th and that’s the day I got my drains out followed by several post op check-ins. First week of recovery was miserable but things exponentially approved each day past that, and I went back to school in person two weeks post-op with driving and item-carrying assistance from friends!
Will upload recovery notes at a later date! Feel free to message me with any questions, more than happy to answer and give info! I’m a bit over four months out from surgery now and thriving 🥳

Note: I am posting this for a coworkefriend. He knows about this thread changing my life so he wants to hear your judgement about something he has been agonizing over all morning. I gave him my opinion but I guess I am just one woman. I hope this is allowed he does not have Reddit. For reading comfort I will write in I form as he told it to me.
TLDR: I told my girlfriend she often has bad breath and to see a doctor about that on a day she was already feeling down and now I think I am single again.
I 34M have been with my girlfriend 31F for 7months. She is honestly the best and she makes me happy. We never had a fight before and we pride ourself in open honest communication.
Yesterday she stayed over at my place and was feeling down on herself. She has a bit of anxiety and a high pressure job. She had a spell of some mistakes and bad performances that haunted her. She told me she felt like she was letting everybody down and failing. However she had one silver lining. She had a feedback session with her team member who had been under performing and they took some difficult feedback she had for them to heart and thanked her for her honesty. She was happy that went well.
Triggered by the conversation about feedback I also had feedback for her. For a while I have been noticing bad breath. Not terrible but I am pretty sensitive to smells. I tried to figure out the cause so I could help her. But she has perfect teeth, hygiene, doesn’t smoke or eat junk food. As I couldn’t figure it out I assumed it must be a medical issue.
So I told her she often has bad breath and if she is okay with us seeing a doctor about it.
Her heart just broke before my eyes. I apologized that it might have been bad timing on my part. She said that it was okay and thanked me for my honesty… but it obviously was not okay. I saw her fighting back tears. When I asked her if I hurt her she said yes but that she is not angry as it was not my fault that her breath was bad and knowing my sensitivity to smells she felt bad I had to deal with it.
She got very quiet and I asked what the problem was. She said I just gave her another reason to hate herself today and this is the first time anyone ever said this to her. She never felt insecure about it but now wonders when her breath smelled… like all the time? Every moment? If she was the “ bad breath lady” at work. She said she felt gross, worthless. I tried to tell her I love her anyway and kiss her but she didn’t want to be touched especially not kissed.
She went upstairs to brush her teeth and I heard her cry. She climbed into bed with me later but not wanting to cuddle or to be touched.I felt her shaking and crying quietly. We are very physical people so not touching or holding her felt really weird. This morning she got up really early and sneaked out. She usually kisses me goodbye before she goes but she just went. She took most of her stuff. Not even sure if she just broke up with me? I have been trying to figure out how to handle this. She has send me no text and I don’t know what I could do or say. I just don’t understand what happend.
AITAH? Or is she just over reacting?

I'm a 27 yr old female. Tl;dr... If I wanted to leave now, they could totally cut off my bank account. I didn't have a joint bank account before. Lady at the bank was saying "it is the same as before... oh AND doing a joint account? My kids are still all on mine." I guess denial is everything. I didn't want that. But didn't speak up, since my mom gave me money to open a new one (I've been sick. Context below.)
Here is a lot of context/rants so read 1st, and skip to 2nd to last paragraph maybe to skim it... Essentially, I have been out of work for a while. I got covid in December, and pretty bad covid too. I already had issues before that, I eat cleanly and am super healthy but have a wonky immune system. I also have narcolepsy with cataplexy (N1,) as stated by a sleep dr. 6 years ago, but I didn't believe him and never followed up. They ruled out seizures and MS and I am terrified of doctors (especially now, after being yelled at by my family for my saying I needed to go to the ER with severe vomiting and vertigo, I have an inner ear thing. It acts up with allergies. Azelastine nasal spray has prevented it so I am happy for that. Humid climates fuck with me too. Before, I thought I was dying. Multiple times this has happened and I was told I would be viewed as "crazy," and they would put me away forever, so I would be better off dying myself. told me to off myself but i blocked out the exact phrasing. because I was panicking AND I COULDN'T STOP SHAKING AND VOMITING CUZ DEHYDRATION. My GP said I should go to the hospital. Praise god, or the universe thank god, I didn't die but, it was bad. Somehow, I may wish I had. But that wouldn't have been very fun.)
After covid, the N1 got worse. Much worse. I already am on high dose stimulant meds for ADHD (which is half of the treatment for N1 anyway and partially why I never followed up 6-7yrs ago, I know I'm dumb sometimes but I just thought it was a fluke.) and have been for a while. I CAN'T STAY AWAKE for things. It isn't depression (well, maybe a bit now, which doesn't help lmfao, because this shit is depressing. But I still WANT to better my life, not consistent with depression... I AM JUST SO FUCKING TIRED AND SLEEPY AND sometimes i can't tell what is real and what is not. Also cataplexy, have it on camera accidentally. And a 30s microsleep. Like this is serious. I just can't properly deal with this until I do a sleep study, insurance changes and I hated the place/organization I was with originally, not for the sleep doctor, but for a multitude of other reasons... wish i remembered that nurses' name so I can report her. It was pulling teeth with my now-retired GP for any basic med too! So, finding a new sleep doctor and study, which isn't for months.) AND THE INSURANCE COMPANIES HATE THIS CONDITION because the drugs to treat it are very controlled substances, and one in particular is V expensive/insurance loves to throw a hissy fit about. (yet another reason why I put it off, but it is an emergency at this point. I pushed as much as I could, I'm just NOT sleeping when/how normal humans should and it is ruining my life yay. I never feel rested. Ever. I pray that I will, on the odd occasion but it's like 0-1/10 in the range of 10 being well rested.)
I'm trying to justify my issues to you guys.
I am living w/ my parents. I lived in another state in college, had a planet fitness membership and GYM MEMBERSHIPS WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE stg. Jesus. Wouldn't let me cancel, I kept pausing it for as long as I could. I'm not about to drive 4hrs to cancel a gym membership, since it was out of state the employees at branches near me either didn't know what they were doing or said I wasn't allowed to do that... But I got sick this year and forgot. Bank account overdrawn. LITERALLY LESS THAN 14 DAYS overdrawn. Part of it was an overdraft fee. AND THEY CLOSED IT. I had been sick for months but was pet sitting and doing SOME THINGS (like selling old clothes, etc.) to keep a positive balance. I just got REALLY WAYY too sleepy to care about anything. And was screamed at, my father came at me physically and told me to sleep on the street a month+ ago, because I wasn't invited to one of my only childhood friend's wedding. When both of my parents were, and I WAS UPSET. I am an adopted only child with a small family. This meant a lot to me. I never saw who the envelope was addressed to.
For my birthday, my mom offered to go into the bank with me to help the situation (I felt so embarrassed, I didn't want to do it alone and embarrassed that I was falling asleep the whole time too. The lady told a joke and I just collapsed onto the desk haha, cataplexy literally. I usually hide from my family, because I don't want to be bullied.) The kind lady helping me mentioned "joint bank account." It was my birthday, and my mom was there so I was scared of speaking up and ruining any joy that I had. I just realized now, that means that my mom AND DAD have access to all of my finances. I am super private. I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS. PERIOD, POINT MF BLANK jesus.
My bank account is not my own anymore. I am 27 years old. My dad refuses to let me have the rest of my money (college money, which was never used as I got scholarships based on talent... yeah. too bad I'm a human with needs too. There may b tax issues? But it is only a few thousand left, which is still enough to open a bank account on my own so at least I have that independence.)
I am working through my issues, and when I am bleeding out SO MUCH I am getting dizzy, because my dad cornered me (he is 2x my size,) in the kitchen next to a knife block, physically laying hands on me for being upset about a non-invite wedding which is a rational response, I had to physically stab myself IN THE NECK to get him to be shocked and move over enough so that I could move to a safer location where I had a way to escape. Didn't occur to me I could have hurt him instead. Was bleeding for hours and hours, cut deeper than I meant to, but I didn't even want to. It was all I could think of to get him OFF OF ME. Yes I am in therapy. This makes no sense to anyone. But my parents because I am not allowed to have any feelings in their eyes, and they won't want to feel upset if I am upset they go to a wedding of a close (like closer than my cousins,) family friend without me. THEY NEVER EVEN TOLD ME I WASN'T INVITED. I had to joke about it for my mom to get the "oh, we thought you knew." I SAW THE INVITATION. It didn't say the names of who was invited. Why would I think I wasn't?
So it is no mystery why I don't trust these people. I am so exhausted and SLEEPY that I try to limit driving as much as possible. If a sleep attack is coming on, I DON'T PUSH through it. (learned the hard way years ago haha, car accidents are only fun in GTA.) I am in the process of getting more help, but insurance doesn't care if we live or die apparently. Neither does my family it seems.
WHAT DO I DO?! Do I call the bank??? Tell the lady (who is also good friends with my family,) like, hey... uh there was a mistake I don't want a joint bank account. My mom gave my $500 AS A BDAY gift, which was nice. But it was used to reopen what I thought, was my bank account.

2296, The scene is set in a post apocalyptic Mojave desert, 15 years after a joint effort of the New California Republic, the Rangers, and the mysterious benefactor of the New Vegas Strip, Mr. House pushed back an attempted invasion of the Mojave and a final battle was waved for control of the hydroelectric powerhouse, Hoover Damm.
In the aftermath, Mr. House was removed from power discreetly, due to the actions of a wasteland wanderer on a mission for revenge, known only as the Courier. Mr. House's iconic Lucky 38 casino opened its doors, for the first time, offering a single floor casino and bar, it's upstairs remained an exclusive and mysterious meeting place for the New Vegas Strip's elite. The Lucky 38 represented one of the cleanest, most secure facilities, protected, like the rest of the strip, by the Securitron Mk 2, predominantly. Their presence ensured visitors on the Strip behaved themselves, though the other casinos maintained their own security and 'house rules' internally.
The Strip defined and maintained its status as an independent entity, determining through the Courier's observations that the NCR was stretching it's military might too thin, and couldn't realistically manage over the Strip and Mojave, so a new deal was struck, similar to the prior, but with The Strip extending it's Securitron security to enforce the immediately surrounding communities and a few outlying satelites. Trade to the surrounding areas increased, the Mojave benefitting from the prewar tech, pre-programmed security forces. The drug addicted fiends and other Raider groups would never be any match for their advanced weaponry, and ultimately were cleared out of existence.
The King's continued to watch over Freeside, making alliances with the Follower's of the Apocalypse... their desire to service the needs of the belittled, disadvantaged and destitute lined up, and this is where Mr. Wolf found his place in the story... the Courier and a Follower's doctor found love in the wasteland.... and raised a child together under a Ranger's flag... 23 years later? This is New Vegas...
A handsome man in a leather jacket sat in a dusty leather booth watching one of the girls dance on a pole, shaking her ass as bottle caps clinked on the stage in front of her. It was a swanky post apocalyptic casino strip club. A man in a leather jacket stood nearby, his hands crossed in front of his chest, "Kings" embroidered across the back in silver letters. A waitress approached him carrying a glass of some amber colored liquor, and sat it down at the half moon table. She lingered a moment in her lacey body suit, following his gaze up to the girl rubbing her tits in some older cowboys face.
"You don't get jealous seeing her like that, Mr. Wolf." The girl bit her lip and met his eyes as he picked up his glass and swirled it before giving it a smell and taking a slow swig. He tilted his head looking her over. She couldn't possibly be older then 19. Tight, perky little thing.
Mr. Wolf smirked and shook his head. "I like her... nice and wet when she comes to my bed."
The girl blushed and bit her lip. "So you like to watch?" She surmised.
"I don't mind, but why do you ask?" Wolf had these intense eyes that shot arrows into your very soul. It made her incredibly nervous... but she found it deeply exciting at the same time.
"Well... I'm living in 206 now... maybe... you might stop by sometime and I could dance for you? I know I don't have her body but... if you wanted something that was a little fresher... something... just yours?" She figeted her fingers against the table.
Jason looked her over once more and smirked.
"Two-Oh-six, huh?" He tilted his head, considering.
She nodded.
"Leave your cum soaked panties on my doorknob one of these nights if you really need it and maybe I'll come see if you got the moves." His Texan accent was subdued, but enthrallingly charming with his confident, somewhat bored with reality overtones.
"M-my panties?" She stammered turning bright red. "On your doorknob?" Alexa couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"If you're gunna shoot your shot with a dom... with an alpha... you need to be willing to submit. If you can't do that... I'm not interested." Wolf shrugged, completely unphased.
"But what about... what if..." Alexa glanced at Laura, the clubs most iconic stripper in the club, perhaps even the whole Strip.
She was taking some NCR soldier to the VIP lounge for a private dance.
Alexa had been bold enough to offer herself but now she was feeling nervous. If Laura wanted her out, she could lose her job... her home.
"Oh she won't mind... if anything she'll want to watch." Wolf shook his head, sensing her anxiety.
"Assuming of course... she likes the way you smell... she's funny like that." Wolf let the conversation end and Alexa nervously retreated.
Wolf sat drinking by himself, but got bored.
"Jakey, go get yourself a drink and sit down, I'm bored." Wolf called to his body guard.
Jacob looked over and nodded, giving the lounge one last look around before approaching the bar and getting himself a mug of beer, from the tuxedo shirt and boytie bartender Gerald, and returning to the table.
"What's on your mind boss?" Jacob had his hair slicked back in the usual King's gang hairstyle.
"Heard any rumors lately?" Wold looked at him, taking a drag from his cigarette and flicking the pack over to him.
"Honestly, boss, aside from the occasional drunkard or fiend rolling through freeside, nothing out of the ordinary... well, except... a way's out.. the crazy lady... Gloria was swearing up and down she found a headless metal suit of armor.. said the Enclave would burn down New Vegas. God's wraith and all that, you know how she gets."
"Enclave?" Jason's attention was piqued.
"Yeah, I don't know, she was probably just in withdrawal from the Jet... said she found it in the hollowed out shell of the Super Duper, out by the old highway." Jacob shrugged and drank from his beer and pulled a cigarette from the pack.
Wolf finished the last drag of his own cigarette. "Has anyone validated her claims?"
"Well... no... but... I mean... you've met her, she sees things that aren't there, all the time." Jacob shrugged and lit a cigarette.
Jason squinted, considering the resident crazy ladies most recent half coherent ramblings.
"That's an oddly specific hallucination though....take a group of guys out there tonight... humor me, and make sure she's not right." Wolf lifted his glass.
"Sir?" Jacob raised an eyebrow, thinking surely this could wait until tomorrow.
"Hypothetically" Wolf pondered aloud, "If there was... for some reason, there in-fact was... a pre-war, piece of military tech out there....a T-45, let's say, or T-60, best case scenario? We want it. Even if it's not at 100% capacity? It's fusion core alone... could change up the game for Freeside, something like that could make our tiny little city independent. We wouldn't have to be reliant on the scraps of New Vegas, and forget about the Hoover Dam completely."
Jacob caught Mr. Wolf's drift.. a fusion core could mean producing its own, radiation-free water, it's own electricity.. not just a little, a lot. Powering long dead machines, not to mention the agricultural benefits... producing healthier, higher yield tobacco... expanding their income ten fold.
Jacob suddenly felt like he understood Mr. Wolf's vision for the future.
"I should... go and deploy the King's to investigate." Jacob concluded.
"I think that would be for the best, I can take care of myself here." Wolf waved Jacob off.
Jacob downed his beer and excused himself.
Wolf drank the rest of his whiskey, extinguishing his cigarette.
Laura, the dancer came up to the table, and Wolf motioned to the blushing new waitress for a round, who felt a twinge of jealousy seeing her crush with the most popular stage act in town. She bit her tongue though, bringing over two more heavy pours of whiskey.
Laura eyed the girl as she came and went.
"She likes you." Laura concluded as the waitress walked away.
"Yeah.. I think she does." Mr. Wolf shrugged, flicking her a cigarette.
"The NCR boy liked me." She giggled wiping a little bit of cum from her lips and used half her shot like mouthwash.
"Get anything out of him.. other then.. his seed?" Wolf sighed.
"Of course," She grinned mischievously, "Apparently there's been trouble out West with the Brotherhood. They had some type of skirmish? Apparently NCR lost? NCR was apparently holding some old world tech, I don't know, but apparently it lit up the west coast power grid, like... in it's entirely?" Laura tilted her head to look at him.
"The entire western power grid was lit up by a single piece of tech??" Wolf shook his head at the topless girl beside him.
"Yeah, I had to make him cum twice for more details, but apparently it's the size of a grain of rice, with quote, unlimited energy potential." Laura relayed the information. It seemed more important then a suit of power armor or its fusion core.
"Who else knows about this?" Wolf demanded with his eyebrows squinted against his eyes.
"Anyone with a functional light bulb for... like... three hundred miles?" Laura guessed with a shrug.
"You said... it was the Brotherhood that took the win on the skirmish?" Wolf clarified some details.
"Yeah... rumor has it they have a new up and coming knight that's making waves." Laura shrugged.
"Stay on the rumors... I need details." Mr. Wolf nodded at her, drank his whiskey and stood up, downing his drink.
An energy source that powerful would have a big effect on the balance of power in the Mojave. It could mean a resurrection of the New California Republic to it's former glory and then some, and potentially... might mean a renewed effort to reclaim the western part of the former United States, in time.

Hello.. new to the group. Sorry about the upcoming novel I'm about to write and thank you in advance to anyone who reads the whole thing..
So.. it's for June 7th. The waiting list was over 2 years so I could've sworn they forgot about me. Got the call at the end of November '23 asking if I still wanted to take the test.. and today the call to schedule it.
I'm an emetophobe and I'm scared of the prep. I'm also extremely anxious about the results that will come after.
What prompted me to get a test was I had rectal bleeding for about.. 6 to 9 months straight daily. I even farted blood.. all red. No pain or any other symptoms. It eventually went away and never came back. When I was hospitalized for a different issue, I asked a doctor about it to which she just replied it was hemorrhoids. Which.. I dunno. It had been going on for like 6 months by that point. So I reluctantly went to see my GP and was put on the waiting list.
So now here we are.
I'm so.. particular about what I put in my stomach. I have an issue with textures and I worry about failing to do the prep. But because of the bleeding, and its been years since that, I really need to get this done. I'm not scared of the exam itself as we usually get sedated.. just the prep and results itself.
I'm hoping that it's just diverticulosis..? As my mother has it rampant in her system and my sister once had diverticulitis so I'm guessing I might have it as well. But.. they never bled like I did. And I'm terrified as to what's going on with me. I already have a lot of health issues so I tend to be a hypochondriac. The unknown is terrifying.
And the prep.. I've been trying not to have panic and anxiety attacks just thinking about it.
What would you say is the easiest prep for someone like me? Who has an issue with textures and whatnot. Maybe even flavoring. I'm a massively picky eater so I never do well with trying new things. Do you have any suggestions?
Another random question is.. has anyone here had prolonged rectal bleeding and not have pre-cancerous polyps? Something.. anything to give me some kind of hope that it could be something else.
Thankfully, other than IBS-D and abnormal bowel issues, I don't have any other notable issues. And no weight loss that one associates with cancer. But.. colon cancer is a slow cancer so.. doesn't mean I'm quite off the hook.
Anyway.. I'm rambling. Does anyone have any advice for me? Experiences? Words of wisdom or encouragement? That maybe someone had rectal bleeding and were okay..? Which prep is easiest to take..?
My brain is all over the place, how insanely anxious I am. Doesn't help that I haven't been sleeping well lately.
Thank you for any and all contributions you may have.. I truly appreciate it.
Edit: Fixing grammar mistakes.

Has my cheese slid off my cracker? So, my doctor called me about some tests that were done. Said he would send the info to the specialist I booked an appointment with. Great! All good stuff. Then a nurse or medical assistant named miss Kindvoice calls me from the specialist saying that my doctor sent the stuff but they have no idea who I am. They checked their computer and I have no records there. So, I say let me call you back in 20 minutes when I get the business card to check that I gave my doc the correct info. She says sure, just call back before the end of day.
I go get the card and just call back the same number that called me. A lady answers and I give her my info and tell her that I was confirming my appointment for Wednesday. Again, she tells me that she has no idea who I am. So I tell her that it was an issue and miss Kindvoice told me to call her back when I found the business card with all the info on it. So, she says okay, let me get miss Kindvoice and she can help figure this out. Great!
Miss Kindvoice gets on the line and says hi what's this about? I tell her that we talked 20 minutes ago and there was an issue about them having no idea I existed. She's like okay, I didn't call anyone but I can help you figure this out. Great!? (But then how did I know her name?) yeah let's figure this out. She asks when my appointment is and I tell her. Date and time. She says that the doctor doesn't work that day of the week and to check the card to make sure I have the right doctor. So I read off the info, doctor name, address of office and office number. And she says that all that info is correct. I'm calling the right doctor. Which I know because I just went to recent calls on my phone and called that number back. But whatever. At this point i have given my name and number 5 times. So she says she will make an appointment for the day after that the doctor does work. Great?!
So, I get the appointment and I think I'm done, right? Wrong! Not done. Then the doctor herself calls me back and says that she wants to meet on the original date that's written on the card but at a different location to do some sort of specialized test that's based off the information my primary care doctor sent to her. So, we've come full circle again. Back to 5/15.
So, again, I read them the card front and back. Correct address. Correct doctor. Correct everything except the doctor changed the address to another location.
So, have I gone insane? Did the cheese slide off my cracker? Does the elevator go all the way to the top? Does the world end if I don't make the appointment? Is this like when the flash goes back in time and creates Flashpoint? Is this time travel? The Mandela effect? Glitch in the matrix? Am I a brain in a jar? Is that you? Is this me?

Hi there!
I am 6 months postpartum and was a massive oversupplier from the time I started pumping exclusively (about 2 weeks pp.) At about 5ish months, I started dropping one pump per week until I was doing 1 pump per day, then one pump every other day - dropped time from pumps too. This was a super slow and easy wean. I have now not pumped for a little over one week.
1) My boobs still have milk in them. My right is all of the sudden starting to feel painful/clogged and leaking - I never even leaked when I was pumping so I am baffled by this. I cannot get these girls to dry up all the way. I'm hand expressing a bit and icing my boobs twice a day - any other suggestions? Any other oversuppliers have trouble getting rid of their supply completely?
2) I feel CRAZY. The hormone shift... I can't even tell you how dark it is. I'm already prone to anxiety and depression, and on an SSRI. Adding in night sweats, insomnia, crying episodes - I truly do not know who I've become and never expected it to be this bad. I'm sincerely worried. I have an appointment with my doctor next week but does anyone have suggestions for the crash? Tell me it gets better :(
Thank you ladies!

Hello guys,
I want to share few incidents of my mom to me and understand what is happening but before that I will tell you a little bit of myself so you understand me!
I’m in my 20s and I was always the black sheep for speaking my truth and not choosing to agree with what I disagree. In my family (my parents divorced when I was 6) I was always the one who defended others (my loved ones especially my mom and older sister) even if that put me in danger (I will explain later what I mean with danger). — I was a good student but gave up in 2nd year of middle school out of depression and anxiety due to multiple family and personal reasons. At high school the first two years I was doing again better and I was great in Computer Science, Biology, Ancient Greek and English, but in the last year I was depressed again because my best friend left me for a toxic boyfriend (who later told me I was right) plus my already family issues so I graduated with poor grades (15/20, which in 0-10 rates would be 7,5). I didn’t go to any university, now i want too. — After that I left my life behind and for 3 years I didn’t really do things in my life because I got sick from severe psychosomatic disorder which led to have pains in every organ of my body without doctors be able to helping me, I became agoraphobic and isolated myself for 2 years, now thank God I can go to places. Nobody believed me. Now I’m trying to get back on my feet but fate challenges me. — As a woman I feel very bad for my mom because her life is a struggle but at the same time as a daughter I feel left in the cold and extremely depressed from her, and she doesn’t get it.
So here are few incidents with my mom to me:

1. Never believes in my dreams. She might express a good word when she feels like it and then she comes back to tell me that I can’t succeed and that my luck is bad and that the reason I was born was for bad reasons which have been in my subconscious mind now and I seem to attract bad life my whole life.
   
2. She doesn’t believe that anybody can like me romantically. If I tell her that “I sense that he likes me” she makes a disgusting face and says “you? U look like a kid. Nah” and if I tell her that “I don’t feel attractive” she says “you’re not, you have baby face you’re cute in ur own way, but it’s not attraction” and I’m like dude the way you explain it hurts.
   
3. If I don’t agree with her, I’m a loser or it means I want war with her when all I want is to express myself. I remember things she have done or said and tells me this never happened and it leads me to think that I’m losing my mind.
   
4. She doesn’t mind embarrassing me in front of the public even if I tell her “low your voice they are looking at us”, for example: She went to buy a phone once (she doesn’t treat herself either we are not well financially so this happens rarely) and she wanted an iPhone but there wasn’t available so a good Samsung one was available. I told her it’s not the same but if she really needs a new good phone that can endure in time she can take it. She did. Then blamed me for not being apple brand. Then I told her I will go to the bus to leave for work and that we will discuss it later. She came to the bus station where 20 people where tourists and non tourists, and she started yelling at me in front of everyone that I’m a bad daughter and that I don’t care for my mom which made me red out of shame. One of my colleagues was behind me drinking cofeee, I think she saw it all.
   
5. If I tell her that I don’t like something she does or that she crosses my boundaries, it means that I’m being a diva to her
   
6. She doesn’t mind making large noises when I’m sleeping. I think I have misophonia form this, I can’t stand noises when I’m trying to relax. I have told her about that that maybe it’s because of anxiety. She doesn’t care. My sleep is always interrupted it’s been years since I had a good sleep because of that. Most of the time I wake up with tachycardia because of the shock I get. And when I wake up angry she blames for sleeping. Blaming just works for her
   
7. If we disagree or I complain about something (not out loud) and we are on the streets walking she will walk in front alone and ignore my existence or act like I’m a zombie. Today we went out me her and my sister and I told my sister in front of her that I’m done of her behavior and that I’m already sad with my life and I can’t tolerate any more of this situation because I’m tired. She started saying that I’m a liar and two faced. Then my sister left, and we were walking home and she was walking alone and I told her “mom? Wait” to walk with her. She started acting like she can’t hear me and a man looked at me confused. I felt ashamed. Then she started running away from me like I was a criminal or something. Another guy looked at me like I was some type of monster who was chasing her. I felt so disgusting.
   
8. Everybody has their own relationship with god universe etc, right? And she has too, to her eyes her is the chosen one. But when I try to speak about my omens and the signs I receive she acts like I’m strange, if she is in a good mood she laughs but you can see in her face feeling weird.
   
9. When I’m with her I hate myself. I hate my voice. My face. Everything. I don’t know why but in her orneece I hate myself.
   
10. When I was younger I defended my mom to her family (her family sucks too) and my dad. This often resulted in them physically and emotionally abusing me because they hated a child telling them that they mistreated my mom. I told my mom about it years after. Her answer was “you didn’t do anything at all, you were supposed to do that, don’t act like a hero” yeah and you were supposed to make me feel safe lol
    
11. When we fight she often says “at least I like men” I have told her that I might be bi I’m not sure but like why u use that against me?
    
12. I feel embarrassed to talk for god to her even though she is a believer
    
13. She always says that she is my luck and that without her I’m luckless and that in general in my own I can’t make it
    
14. She doesn’t care about my health that much. She never believed me for my disorder even the neurologist told her “she is sick emotionally, she is sad and she is hurt and her body shows it without physical evidence which is challenging for her age, she is supposed to live life and now she is like this” my doctor also told me that “it’s like you have cancer but you don’t but you suffer like you do the only difference is that you’re not dying which to someone with cancer like this this would be a relief but you are alive” and my mom was like “yeah you’re mentally ill” no I’m sad. Sadness hurts like hell. After few years now she has some health issues and phychosomatic symptoms too. I try my best to give her advices and tell her from my experience and all she says is “shut up u don’t know anything” and I tell her “I suffered three years from it” and she simply ironically laughs. My sister started having psychosomatic symptoms too and I told her that you all have me, I didn’t have anyone and she feels like shit but idk.
    
15. She idolizes my sister and always says to the people that “my older daughter is something else, this one (me) is our problem”
    
16. If I isolate myself because of sadness she calls me sick and says that “I’m dark”
    
17. She says I’m violent , I’m not. She says I’m schizophrenic, I’m not. She says I might end up in jail. All these because my face looks like my dad. My dad has signs for all of these and she thinks I’m him. I want to do good to the world, I want to be married and have healthy kids. I want to be remembered for humanitiran spirit, I’m not like my dad and I’m not delulu, my dad is. Also both of my parents are victim mindsets, I don’t.
    
18. If I’m good with my sister she is angry and says “it’s 2 vs 1” for example if I say something and my sister agrees then we are plotting against her wtf. If we fighting then she tools my sisters side.
    
19. If I try to grow more and become more serious or mature to my opinions etc she cringes and says “why you act like an old lady?” Also she calls me a grandma and says “my soul is too old” and that “I’m boring” (nobody calls me a boring except her and tbh I know I’m not
    
20. She says I’m dependent to her and when I show signs that I want to leave she is like “no we are 3 women alone u can’t live on your own away from us” and when I stay she makes me regret for being born
    
21. She often says that my dad was right that he didn’t want me to be born and that I was really an accident she should have taken abortion
    
22. She judges everything I do even the smallest things
    
23. She curses me all the time. Telling me that I should suffer 10x than her for simply being me and that “even God is bored with me””
    
24. If she does a favor to me it will be mentioned to every fight and if I do to her it will be dismissed
    
25. She doesn’t even know my favourite colors
    
26. I’m always the burden and I’m the one who is being blamed for everything. If my sister gets sick, it’s my fault. If we missed the bus, its my fault. If the earth crushed with Jupiter it’s my fault.
    
27. I regret every goal I told her I want to accomplish
    
28. If someone played with me to her it means that my intelligence is low, not that my age comes with naivety.
    

So many more.. I even feel bad for telling my truth . I love her but I’m so done of her. I want healthy connections where I can be myself. Being with her feelings like eggshells.

“Rehashing Jon Pertwee’s opener for a new series?! AWFUL. Unoriginal rubbish. Anti-plastic? WTF. No plot whatsoever. Why is the Doctor a normal bloke from Manchester? Worst episode I’ve ever seen. Why did RTD kill off the Time Lords? The music is too loud, bring back incidental plink plonks. This is not Doctor Who. Doctor Who died with Baker in 1980.”
“Why does the Doctor spend half the episode as Cassandra? Body swapping? Utter crap. What has happened to Doctor Who? Woke political nonsense. We get it big pharma bad. Furries in Doctor Who WTF. New Doctor is crap so far, need a big “I am the Doctor moment”. Way too silly. Not for my demographic anymore.”
“New companion is obviously a box ticking exercise for the woke BBC. Not as good as Rose and that’s not just because I’m flagrantly racist. Space rhinos? Really? Absolute rubbish. The villain is a blood sucking old lady? RTD can’t write serious Dr Who. This belongs on CBBC. This series won’t be for me. I’ll stick with the classics.”
“Is RTD fatphobic? Better start Twitter discourse about that. More political nonsense keep it out of my Doctor Who!!! Donna is SO ANNOYING she’s not even funny! How have we gone from serious drama like Time and the Rani to this?! I started counting the times I rolled my eyes. Tennant is so overrated! And Rose at the end OMG RTD get some new ideas. #RIPDoctorWho”

I (m25) have had stomach problems for years but never this bad, normaly it was just bloating or pain for a few hours. Fast food whent straight through my intestines, alcohol was also a problem for me. My b12 was always low 130-150 (i'm not vegan, and my body does not absorb b12 pills) but mij Iron and Hb was perfect. Around July last year i started getting sick, watery stool 2-3 days and it would stop. 2 times with blood (allot of blood), for like 1 day and it would stop. Stomach pain, groin pain, hip pain, back pain... you name it, i had it. After(September) that came bad acid reflux and chest pain (burning chest pain), so i went to the doctor. Had basic blood work done (cbc,iron and b12, liver function urine, crp)... The doc gave me omiprazol and some more meds that dropt my b12 even more (almost died) after all that i made him checked my lab report again and he said that i need b12 injections (i had 12) the problems went away. Around November i started getting bad pains everything started hurting, like someone was cutting me open from the inside. When to the doctor and got sent to the Gi doctor, they had a spot for me the 3e of January. January they did an edoscopy and took multiple samples of my ileum. 14January I endid up in the hospital, I was pale whole body was stiff, throwing up, dehydrated with a crp of 103 (almost died again). Funny thing is the lady in the emergency room told me i was ok just needed tot rest at home. The docters still have no idea what was wrong. Around March i got my results and my Gi told me i have Crohns. He started me on prednisone(20mg a day) . It helpt, but the side effects... it was bad. Started seeing things, hearing things, feet swelling, papules acne on my chest and back, eating 24/7, restless. I started going crazy and getting panic attacks (i also have ADD). After a month i got new meds budesonide (9mg a day) but that does nothing... still have pain and bad flares every month (burning eyes, itching skin, pain from my neck to my lower back, pain under my right ribs, pain on the left lower right and center of my abs). It's like waking up and hoping that it will be an ok day. I don't want/ need good, ok will do just fine.
Any tips on what i should/ can do that will help, i'm kinda new to this😂😂 (Sorry if my english is bad, it's my second language)

My Dearest u/DernhelmLaughed,
Screw you for overusing the "Gwilty" pun last week, when this week could have offered me such amazing opportunities as "Catholic Gwilt" and "We find the defendant Gwilty." I shall have to find other ways to entertain my audience.
Yours sincerely,
u/Amanda39
(Note to everyone else: My apologies that this recap is late and not up to my usual standards. I foolishly forgot about Mother's Day and, just when I was going to sit down to compose the summary, realized that I would have to spend the next few hours at my sister's house, with her barking labradoodle and screaming children. Afterwards, I needed to spend at least an hour playing Beethoven to calm my nerves.)
Book the Third, Chapter 14: Miss Gwilt's Diary.
A lot happened this week, so let's rewind all the way back to when Lydia and Allan were on the train together. Lydia bribed the conductor make sure they were alone in the carriage, thus encouraging rumors about the two of them. Allan spends the trip awkwardly trying to not tell her that he's going to London to find out how he could marry Neelie, and Lydia invites him to come with her to see Ozias, in the hope of reconciling the two of them, which of course Allan is eager to do.
The next day, Lydia pawns her watch and visits a lawyer who informs her that there's no legal reason why she can't marry under her maiden name, although her husband could invalidate the marriage later if he found out. She also gives Ozias a made-up story about her past ("A dead father; a lost fortune; vagabond brothers, whom I dread ever seeing again; a bedridden mother dependent on my exertions...") but hates herself for it because she's honestly in love with him. Ozias, meanwhile, reveals that he's gotten a job as a foreign correspondent for a newspaper, and that the two of them will be moving to Naples once they get married. Lydia also agrees to let Ozias tell Allan about their plans to marry, so that it will be easier for her to learn if how the Major reacted to her anonymous letter about Allan and Neelie.
The Major, we learn, has agreed to their engagement, provided that Allan and Neelie remain separated and do not communicate for the next six months, during which Neelie will attend school, and then remain engaged for an additional six months before marrying. This, of course, gives Lydia's plan more than enough time to occur. Ozias suggests that Allan occupy the six months by visiting Mr. Brock and then sailing to Naples.
Lydia decides to amuse herself by annoying Mother Oldershaw, but ends up discovering that Oldershaw and Dr. Downward are in hiding for legal reasons. She also starts seeing spies everywhere, which I was hoping meant that she was descending into paranoia or something, but no, it's just Bashwood's son's employees spying on her. She doesn't know this, of course, and thinks Mother Oldershaw is after her. To throw them off, she switches locations and tells Ozias she's visiting her mother. She's also so convinced that her milliner is spying on her, she decides to not go back to pick up the finished dress. (I thought milliners made hats, not dresses?) This results in the milliner having the dress delivered to her new location, despite Lydia not having told the location to the milliner. Okay, yeah, that's kind of suspicious.
But Lydia is more than just distracted by spies. She's also tormented by her love for Ozias, and tells her diary that she isn't going to go through with her plans after all.
A surprising complication occurs: Mr. Brock dies. Ozias and Allan go to the funeral, with Ozias and Lydia planning to marry the next day. Lydia bribes a servant to have her lover, a soldier, distract the spy who's following her.
After the funeral, Ozias shows Lydia a letter that Brock had written to him just before he died. Brock begs Ozias to give up his superstitions and reconcile with Allan, arguing that, rather than being Allan's doom, Ozias may someday save Allan. This terrifies Lydia, who now believes that "if that old man’s last earthly conviction is prophetic of the truth, Armadale will escape me, do what I may. And Midwinter will be the victim who is sacrificed to save his life."
The chapter ends with Lydia and Ozias marrying.
Book the Third, Chapter 15: The Wedding-Day.
Okay, enough of Lydia Gwilt's diary. Time to revisit everyone's favorite delusional horny old man. Bashwood Sr. meets with Bashwood Jr. (who I'm going to call "Jemmy" because it's easier to type) and learns Lydia Gwilt's dark secrets.
But first, we get a description of how Bashwood desperately needs to be arrested by the fashion police. And then Jemmy insists on getting paid. And then on eating breakfast. Congratulations, Jemmy, you're even more annoying than your father. Anyhow, we finally get Lydia's entire life story out of Jemmy:
Lydia spent the first eight years of her life being raised by a baby farmer. For those of you who have participated in previous Victorian Lady Detective Squad books, I would like to state for the record that none of us knew in advance that a freaking baby farmer would show up in this one. If I had a nickel for every book I've run here where I put a link to the Wikipedia article on baby farming in the summary, I'd have ten cents, which isn't enough to pay someone to raise a kid for me but it's weird that it happened twice. Anyhow, her parents stopped paying for her, so the baby farmer sold her to a quack doctor named Oldershaw. Gee, why does that name sound familiar?
The Oldershaws use Lydia to demonstrate their hair care products. One day, while they're displaying their wares in Thorpe Ambrose, Miss Blanchard (Allan's mom) sees Lydia and takes an interest in her, which results in the Oldershaws abandoning Lydia with her. This is how she ended up becoming Miss Blanchard's maid. Of course, once everything happened in Madeira, the Blanchards had to keep Lydia from causing scandal by revealing everything that had happened. They sent Lydia to school in France, offering to support her until she married, in exchange for her never returning to England.
At 17, Lydia gets kicked out of school because a married teacher fell in love with her and tried to kill himself. This wasn't Lydia's fault, but they kicked her out anyway. Holy shit. Anyhow, the trauma caused Lydia to find God and try to become a nun. (Alright, I'll go ahead and make the obvious joke: is this what they mean by Catholic Gwilt?) But she changed her mind after two years, and which point Miss Blanchard cut contact with her.
Lydia becomes a piano player to support herself, and ends up meeting a baroness who's a card sharp. Wilkie, why are you giving us this through Jemmy? I would read an entire-ass book about Lydia's life story. You can't just go "oh yeah, she's a failed nun who travelled across Europe with a card sharp" and not actually tell that story. WTF. Anyhow, a man named Waldron threatens to expose them to the police, but (like every other man in this story) he falls for Lydia, so Lydia convinces him to marry her instead.
The two move back to England, where Waldron turns out to be an abusive asshole and Lydia falls in love with a Cuban captain named Manuel. One day, shortly after Waldron hit Lydia in the face with a riding whip, Waldron mysteriously falls ill and dies, and Lydia is put on trial for poisoning him. Lydia admits in court that she and Manuel were planning to run away together, but claims that she didn't poison her husband.
Waldron had initially left a large amount of money to Lydia in his will but, shortly before his death, wrote a new will drastically decreasing the amount. This casts suspicion on Manuel, who may only have known of the earlier will. Still, the court decides that Lydia had too much of a motive for killing her husband, and she's found Gwilty and sentenced to death. Of course, she gets pardoned after a public outcry, because she's too hot to die. But then she's immediately found guilty of theft, after it's discovered that she'd stolen her dead husband's jewels and hidden them in her corset. So she ends up serving two years in prison for that.
None of this has changed Bashwood's mind about her, and he wants to tell Allan ASAP, in the hope that Allan won't marry her after all and then he'll stand a chance. Jemmy's a fan of this plan, thinking he can get money from Allan, too. On the way to the hotel, Jemmy finishes the story: After getting out of prison, Lydia married Manuel. The marriage isn't legally valid, however, because it turned out that Manuel is already legally married to another woman. That didn't stop Manuel from taking Lydia's money and running off to another country with it. Oh, and Lydia reunited with Mrs. Oldershaw after she got out of prison, because they chop your hair off in prison and she needed a makeover.
It's too late. The Bashwoods cannot find Allan or Lydia, and they find the names "Allan Armadale" and "Lydia Gwilt" in the church's wedding register. Bashwood collapses in shock, and Jemmy once againd deserts his father.
Book the Fourth, Chapter 1: Miss Gwilt's Diary.
It's two months later, and the honeymoon has worn off. Ozias is depressed and throws himself into his work. Lydia feels abandoned. Out of boredom, she rereads her diary from when she was plotting to murder Allan, because who doesn't get nostalgic for premediated murder when they're bored? Speaking of Allan, he's on his way to visit them, but he got delayed when his failboat crashed off the coast of Portugal.
Allan finally arrives. He annoys the hell out of Lydia by constantly talking about yachts and Neelie. Yes, he talks to Lydia about Neelie. I think he's forgotten who Lydia is or something, I dunno. Lydia is as weirded out by this as I am. Oh yeah, Allan bought a new yacht. He may have trouble finding a crew that can speak English in Naples, though.
Lydia finds that Ozias has fallen asleep with both Brock's letter and Allan's dream in his hands. He's clearly still tormented by his superstition.
Book the Fourth, Chapter 2: The Diary Continued.
Lydia, Ozias, and Allan go to the opera, to see Bellini's Norma). Lydia gets a shock when she realizes that one of the chorus singers is Manuel. I was desperately hoping that she really was being paranoid this time, but no, it really freaking is Manuel. Look, I can deal with the "England only has twelve people in it" thing that happens in this type of book, but this is going too far. Why the hell would a Cuban captain running away from his English wife end up in Naples as an opera singer?
Later that night, Allan mentions Neelie one too many times, and Lydia blows up at him. Honestly, I'm with Lydia on this. I would have blown up, too, and I wasn't even plotting to marry him. She also says something to him that she doesn't write in her diary, which made me say "How dare she write like it's an actual diary, and not an epistolary narrative in a book?" Then she actually replied with "Why do I keep a diary at all? Why did the clever thief the other day (in the English newspaper) keep the very thing to convict him in the shape of a record of everything he stole? Why are we not perfectly reasonable in all that we do? Why am I not always on my guard and never inconsistent with myself, like a wicked character in a novel? Why? why? why?" and that's when I realized that I was arguing with a fictional character.
Later that night, Ozias talks to Lydia. He looks so sick, it makes Lydia worry about "what I had done—or, no, of what I had tried to do—in that interval between half-past ten and half-past eleven, which I have left unnoticed in my diary" because Lydia is apparently really embracing this whole "unreliable narrator" thing. Ozias tells her that he wants Allan to go back to England without the two of them. When she asks why, he explains:
The previous night, Allan didn't like the wine they were drinking, so Lydia offered to make lemonade for him. Lydia gave the lemonade to Ozias, who gave the lemonade to Allan, who collapsed because it contained brandy... although Lydia is very quick at this point to assume that Ozias is accusing her of poisoning Allan. (She also comes right out and tells her diary that she added the brandy "to disguise the taste of—never mind what!") Anyhow, this means that Ozias and Lydia accidentally acted out part of Allan's dream, so now Ozias is afraid to sail with him.
The next day, Lydia meets with Manuel, who tries to blackmail her. Lydia's like "I have a better idea. I know a rich idiot who carries all his money on him, and who needs an interpreter for his yacht. What if you worked for him, stole his money, and then, I dunno, threw him overboard or something?" Manuel asks what Lydia's interest in this is, which surprises Lydia, because she apparently forgot that she wanted Allan dead, and was just trying to keep Manuel and Ozias apart? "Thus far the sole object I had kept in view was to protect myself, by the sacrifice of Armadale, from the exposure that threatened me. I tell no lies to my Diary." Yeah, sure...
The yacht sets sail with Allan and Manuel, without Ozias and Lydia, and the chapter ends with Ozias wistfully saying goodbye.

I'm in my late 20s and desperately clinging on to my hair. My hair loss is likely hereditary as both my parents are balding.
I've went for previous sessions at yun nam but to be honest I didn't stay long enough to see much of a difference. As someone earning adult money and knowing that beauty is an industry made for profit I understand that this isn't just a problem you can throw $20 at. But every time I went they just kept trying to upsell me some new kind of funny shampoo or getting me committed into a $700 (I can't remember exactly, was probably 3 years ago) plan on the spot left a horrible taste in my mouth. Not to mention they were calling me for about one year afterwards when I stopped going.
About one year ago I discovered online male telemedicine which seemed to be the solution. A pill I could just pop into my mouth? And I could order online? Amazing. I even found it interesting that they even had a doctor speak to you before you're able to order. They must really look out for you. Turns out the doctor call was just a 5min call where the doctor wanted to see if you're serious about minoxidil as it has a proven (slightly) increased risk of rectal (I cant fully remember, it was about a year ago) cancer. Damn. That fact was enough to discourage me.
Fast forward to today, I've been using hair loss shampoo and some of the topical sprays that my parents use (the sprays you get from HDB hair salons) but I guess you can't beat age.
Does anyone have any solutions? Would be great to hear about your experiences. I'm not opposed to going bald but god I hope I'm at least 35 by then.

This was originally posted by midesaka little over a year ago. I noticed since then that there was an update that never got included in the original post. Only found it myself today scrolling back. Figured people today would enjoy it. I also need to credit Direct-Caterpillar77 for linking it in the megathread which is how I stumbled upon this.
OOP is OBlondeOne. I am not OOP. Reminder do not message or contact them, or comment in the linked posts below.
I've taken the text from the Original BORU. The new update is after 🔴🔴🔴
trigger warnings: verbal abuse, gaslighting, drug use
Original BORU
OOP delivers donated clothing to displaced fire victims. Woman demands coat OOP is wearing instead, then claims OOP threw donated clothing in ditch.
I am NOT OP. Original post by in on Sunday, February 26, 2023, with updates as comments on original post through Saturday, March 4, 2023.
Some people... - Sunday, February 26, 2023
[NOTE: I have added a couple of clarifying words in brackets to reduce quoting.]
I'm part of a local donation group, so every now and then, I get asked to help with clothes donations. Someone passes away or downsizes, and I will help wash, fold, sort, and deliver the clothes to various free stores. Sometimes, if we are notified of someone in the community in need, we will deliver essentials like winter or kids clothing to their house. We're just a group within the community -there is no religious, political or ulterior motive. We just spread extra through the community as needed as discreetly as possible to help out. This particular situation just hurts my head, and I'm still trying to figure out how it escalated the way it did.
So a few days ago there was a fire in our community which left 3 families displaced. We collected what we could in the sizes they needed, and off we went.
We dont ask for anything in return other than knowing the families are a little better off. We always apologize and explain that while they may not be they styles they're accustomed to ( as donated clothing ) but at least it is clean and warm. If they had specific needs to let a member of the group know and we would do what we can. A lot of our collected items belonged to other families whose children outgrew the items. It's anonymous and it's a way for our more comfortable community members to help out others within the community with this. It's one thing I love about my community - people don't hesitate to help where needed.
I was given an address and head out as usual. Pull in, get the bags and coats to the door and knock.
After that... I'm not sure what to think. It started off as it usually does. There was a mother and 3 children, so I explain that there are 3 bags of clothing in the sizes submitted, and a box of age appropriate toys just like with the other families.
I thought I heard wrong when she said she preferred my coat and just said what?
She called me rude and told me again,' This stuff is OK, but I want the coat you're wearing '.
When I told her, "No, I'm sorry, but I just bought this coat she got angry and accused me of picking through donation bags for "the good stuff."
I've never run into this issue before. None of the group members are well off. In fact, that's why we do what we do. Because life is hard here and we believe in sharing what we have as a community. We collect good quality items from those with extra and distribute it freely to those that need it or have specific needs. Sometimes we all take items from our own closets if they're needed more elsewhere. Last year we raised funds to help purchase a wheelchair accessible vehicle for a family. The year before it was a young family whose matriarch was diagnosed with terminal cancer. This years cause is to build 4 'tiny homes' for the homeless in our community to use as needed. Our goal is to provide stability so they can successfully reintegrate during and after addiction rehabilitation. We all do what we can to try to help, basically. It's a hard world to feel alone in.
Now, my coat is expensive ( $250 ) but I've also saved gift cards for 2 years and anxiously watched for post-season sales before finally taking the plunge and got it for 75% off. Maybe I messed up by wearing it on this errand? I don't know. After I said no, this is my coat a second time, she started yelling at me.
I just left the bags on the doorstep and drove away.
Today I wake up to a slew of texts from the group asking me to explain why I refused to give the mother any winter coats, and why I left everything at the end of the driveway... allegedly in a ditch? They aren't questioning. Most are downright accusatory. Some are just borderline mean.
It's the kind of day where I feel like giving up on this making the world a better place thing.
I've been where these families are. And people helped me just like this. I know what it feels like to rely on others... so I do try to be compassionate and understanding without being condescending or pitying. I don't often talk about what I do because nobody needs to know what came from where, or who is getting what. It's just paying it forward. I do this because it's been done for me, and it's the right thing to do. It's that simple.
But after today... I don't even want to reply to anyone. It's not just that woman. It's the texts that are getting kinda nasty at this point. It's these people obviously talking about me behind my back. It's how quick they were to assume I must have done this.
I'm not sure if I want to do this anymore after all this. I've been part of this for 5 years and have never had a complaint before. I feel betrayed by people I thought were my friends. It just all feels gross, dramatic and depressing now, and that's now how this is supposed to feel.
===
I could understand if this was, like, a fancy fur coat or something.
This is literally just a rather plain looking long coat that happens to be super warm.
I don't get it.

It's only been an official group with a board for about 4 months. But we have been doing this for 5 years now as a project of mine and the current board president that gathered consiserable traction and volunteers/funding as time went on.
They so need policies in place. If only to protect the clients that use the service. But as a new board we are all just learning the official ropes and red tape as we go.
The one person I thought I could count on is currently the one insisting this happened as the client describes.
I'm just so confused.

We did need a board in this case as we are partially federally funded- the community pantry is, anyways.
It's a requirement. Unfortunately.

I've had 1 out of 5 [members of the charity group] text asking if I'm ok, and what happened. The rest seem to believe that I did this.
I don't know how to move on from this. Because the truth will come out eventually in a community this small. It always does.
The question now is do I want to be involved with people like this. I don't think I can trust them after this.
===

Maybe take a breather from the group. The way they treated you is horrible.

The issue is I can't avoid them either. I'm going to have to answer eventually, either via text or in person.
The longer I wait, the worse it will be. I know that. But I just don't want to deal with this either. Small community. The truth will come out eventually.
But it's now obvious that I can't trust these people. No matter what's said after this, the damage has been done.

Update:
As suggested, I did text them as a group in bullet form stating facts only. ( edit: sorry for formatting. Copied from text ,)
'

1. Items were carried to front door as per usual
2. Client requested my personal attire
3. Client accused me of theft from donation bags
4. Client verbally abused me
5. I left the following on Client's doorstep : ½ bag of women's clothing sizes m-l : 1+½ bag children's clothing sizes 3-8 : 1x bag of assorted linens & towels : 1x box of assorted children's toys and books

I am trying very hard to understand the context of some of the messages I've received about this, and am truly confused as to why anyone would think I would purposefully degrade a Client. You all know my history and reasons I participate.
As I feel I no longer have a place of trust within our group, I am formally resigning from my roles within the committee, and the (group)
I will, with your blessing, remain on the Helping Tree as a contact'
So far the replies are very interesting. They range from apologetic to accusatory to narcissistic. The most interesting one so far, I think, was not intended for me and insinuated that this was for the best. I can't believe how naive I've been.
There's an emergency meeting being scheduled for next week, as apparently you're not just allowed to resign mid-term from a board like this without a valid reason. Which I think I have.
The benefit of this is my accuser also has to give an official statement in the meeting minutes because ive resigned. Which I'm allowed to attend and comment on. Which adds validity ti my reasons for resigning. Would it be petty if I wore my coat again, or should I choose something older? Genuinely asking. I don't want to make things worse. I just want out to do my own thing.
Rumors are already starting and seem to be in my favor. Small towns are terrific/terrible for that. And I've just been texted asking me to withdraw my resignation ' for fear this may cause an irreparable rift in our charitable group'.
I have 8 months left to my current term as Secretary. A position that requires the trust of the board members to record accurate notes. Which I no longer feel I have. I don't want my character unfairly questioned again after I've worked so damn hard to build it up.
My resignation was intended to prevent drama and divide. It is doing the opposite.
What would you do? I feel like I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't.

Not allowed to resign? What are they going to do, ground you?

With a formal board, there are steps to take to remove a member of the core board ( pres, vice president, secretary, treasurer, committee heads).
Or so I'm being told. This may be a stall tactic. I'm going over the current bylaws and policies but it's small font and a hard read.

I'm surprised/touched by how many clients are defending me, but I think this is what is causing a lot of drama and distrust both within the organization and with those that use it. Which is exactly what I was trying to avoid by quietly resigning.
It just sucks, for lack of a better word. I feel like the religious have it wrong. It's not judge not lest ye be judged. It's just be judged these days.

Going forward, it needs to be mandatory that there be two delivery people on every delivery. No excuses. There will be people in the future that are in dire need of your group's services. Please do not let that woman's behavior stop you from helping those who appreciate your work. And bonus if the other helper has a phone's camera on . You have documentation, and they grow manners if they didn't already have them. Has anyone gone by the house again to see if there was really a ditch??

Oh my...
My dash cam! I'm going to check it.
Thank you! Thank you so much!

No audio. No clear AHA! moment.
But it does show enough.
It shows me pulling in, and that there's nothing on the porch. It shows the car moving slightly as I take the bags out, and it does show a bag being deposited on the porch as well as at least 2 coats/snowsuits.
As I back out you can almost see the whole porch. You do see her outside but the definition isn't good enough to see her face or what she's doing.
I'm also still not sure what proof-if any-has been submitted by my accuser(s).
Who, I'm told, has been dropped from the Helping Tree community pantry registry.
I'm actually starting to get very angry. That woman messed up. But she has 3 kids under her care that deserve to eat and be clothed. This is going way too far.

Update:
Ungrateful client is board presidents former sister in law.
And yes, they're still friendly.
Ah. Small towns... 🤷‍♀️
I can't wait for next week...

I KNEW IT! This whole fiasco smelled strongly of being COMPLETELY orchestrated! Typical small town intrigue and power struggle when there's only ONE that's struggling for the power! President wants you kicked out because you're a CO-FOUNDER and SHE wants to take ALL the accolades and applause from the community! Go get your reputation back, sweet Lady! You ARE needed and necessary to the community, if you weren't, you wouldn't have been doing this charitable work for FIVE years! FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!!!

I'm trying to figure out how to walk away, but still acknowledge what's going on without hurting the board-they do good work that's needed. I can't torpedo that no matter how I feel.
And that's the problem.
I think I'm going to ask for an official board inquest -which is eithin my rights according to our by-laws - before I go. I can't see someone doing this over reputation or clout. I certainly hope not, anyways. But if the inquest finds this was planned ( who tf does this? ) I would have grounds to have the board President removed. It's not pettiness- I don't want to see this done to someone else.
But you're right. Something stinks here and it gets worse by the day. I'm going to look into [comment ends here]

I'm going to submit a statement to the board, with footage from my dash cam that shows at least 1 bag clearly on the porch.
Unfortunately, I forgot to itemize the coat/3 snowsuits & boots dropped off in my group text, so I do have to justify that one somehow.
I also just heard they dropped off another 3 bags to the woman, including winter gear. I think it's an attempt at damage control, but I also think they're moving in the wrong direction, given what I'm hearing from many.
If she tries to sell the excess, like many seem to think she will, this will all come to a head so much faster. Either way, I'm ironically the least invested in this around here at this point.
Small town drama ...

I admit, looking back, it is odd that I was given this client when others were closer. I had thought it may be because of scheduling conflicts but I'm finding that's not the case either
Interestingly, there are rumors going around that this was staged. I'm trying not to pay attention to rumors without proof but I'm starting to wonder....
I hate this with a passion. It all seems so damn stupid.
I'm still so confused. The meeting has been scheduled for Wednesday night ( 2 days time ).
I haven't decided if I'm going yet. I don't want this drama to derail what has been a good thing so far.
I may just submit my statement and resignation and leave it at that. Popular opinion is on my side so why make it worse?

I agree with this so much!! People have had to do that here in my town too. We have small groups that helps out the community that aren't in any organization or charitable groups, just themselves giving back. We had specific residents in town that were running their mouth and taking "donations" and selling them for money. Eventually these residents were burning through different community groups and established organizations and they would complain about each one saying they weren't helping and deliberately causing trouble. These groups did post on Facebook telling their sides of the situation, just like you suggested. Well those residents kept doing this and blaming people for not helping, blah blah blah. It didn't take long for the rest of the town to realize that these specific residents were pulling these scams and they were booted out of all the community groups in town. Sometimes you do have to stand up and tell your side to the community. Eventually the truth will come out.

You are brilliant!
After reading this I started thinking about other groups that this woman may have been a part of at her previous location.
Well. WELL.
I now have 4 witnesses to past behavior willing to come with me Wednesday from 3! groups that have been similarly burned by this woman.
The question is.. do I want to take it that far?
I do- and I don't.
I feel this has taken up far more valuable time, and it's taking away from the original purpose of the group.
I'm also being asked to submit my name for board president by the majority of the board for the upcoming term. So I'm being supported ( now ).
I still don't trust any of them to have my back should anything happen. And if I replace the Pres shit will happen.

[Comment was deleted, but basically said, "Wear your coat to the meeting, and bring the receipt for it!"]

I don't think I need to bring the receipt. They are all aware of when I got my coat, and what I paid for it.
I'm being told there are 2 board members who seem to think I'm blowing this out of proportion ( Pres and Treasurer ) and should just take the reprimand ' maturely'.
When ( if ) I go in Wednesday I'm just going to tell then simply that I feel I no longer have the trust required for my appointed position, and am respectfully resigning to prevent further drama.
Pass in my official resignation and walk away.
I've also discovered the emergency meeting is to consider 3 resignations-not just mine.

OP, defend yourself!!! There’s something fishy about this. Also, call CPS (anonymously?) and report her for being unstable.

No. I won't be petty and call CPS
Those kids don't deserve to be dragged into this, too.
===

Maybe you should start your own group with people you can trust?

I've actually been thinking of a fringe group for more rural locations that don't fall.within community boundaries.
This may just be divine intervention in disguise.

Update. The meeting.
My apologies This will be long.
As I parked, there were a couple that stopped to say hi, but the majority of the board did not acknowledge me. My accuser though.. she had a great laugh at my expense, and literally taunted me in front of the others on the way in. 'ooh here for more, are you? Guess you didn't get enough of me yet' and blows me a kiss.
She showed up with the Pres. I feel that's relevant. Especially seeming as she ran home.
The meeting started at 6 pm. I was not allowed to sit at the table until the issue was brought up... I sat, alone, for over 45 minutes. Finally someone peeked outside at 6:53 ( to see if I was still there? ) and called me in.
My accuser wasn't there. I say down and the first thing said to me was ' well. We may have made a mistake' followed by this big flowery apology that stank of bullshit and was gaslit better than a propane stove.
'You know that when a complaint comes in, we have to investigate it'
At that point I just exploded. Like... I didn't even talk to my kids like that when they were babies. It was the kind of tone you have when talking to the very simplest of minds.
I told them there's a massive difference between investigating and outright accusing, and that I didn't appreciate how their ineptitude at leading a board nearly derailed the whole organization and just put a really bad light on what we were doing. She says ' by unanimous decision, we've decided not to accept your resignation. Welcome back'
I've likely been this confused before, but I don't remember when. I was expecting this to be much harder. I had a factual speech ready and everything. Walked in and it was just 'we oopsied, oh well teehee'
'Well that's unfortunate that you refuse to accept it, because it's given and I'm not rescinding it. I'm out. And it seems you all know exactly why. For those who have reached out to me- I'll consider your offer of leading this board, but at this time, I'm not comfortable with the lack of trust and transparency I'm seeing. ' and left.
My phone has been blowing up all night. I meant to update immediately but it just kept ringing and tinging. I don't even know how so many found out ( good old gossip is my guess ) but I had over 30 calls and just as many texts/social media messages.
So. What hspprned while i was waiting outside.
My accuser decided to get on something pre-meeting. Literally acted like a wild animal at one point. I'm told it was so bad that the police and Child Protection Services were called by 4 of 5 ladies present, and when told they were called, my accuser took off running home. That's a whole 'nother story. The kids are now safe, I'm told. There's that.
The versions I'm hearing are surprisingly similar, for once. So I'm going to tell you the events as I was told.
Pres' husband is apparently an addict. Who gets his stash from the sis in law/accuser. I'm not clear on the details but I'm told blackmail was involved. Common word says she threatened to spill the beans on hubby. You know how it goes. Get hurt, get prescription, get hooked, get cheaper street drugs because they're cheaper and no doctor regulates them/questions your dose. There's a rumor he is also sleeping with sustained in law but this is not confirmed... but has been going around for the better part of a year now. Maybe I should start listening to more rumors because I had no idea.
Accuser started off normal, if ' twitchy'. She went to the washroom and shit allegedly went sideways not long after she came out. At one point she was laying on the floor, ' slithering and grunting' like an animal'. I wish I could have seen it, but kinda glad I didn't.
When Accuser left, it swayed the remaining 2 votes my way. There was a discussion on how to ' handle' me where the Pres just said she'll follow the board on the vote after they shot down her suggestion that the complaint still be addressed. The way she glared at me when I came in ( yes, wearing my coat! ) tells me she was not happy about it either.
The vote was unanimous to keep me. I did not wish to stay after all that.
Tomorrow they have an open board meeting to tell people what happened, as transparency is ironically a promise we made to the community so they know exactly who and what they're supporting. I won't be there. But a lot of angry and confused people will be. I'm glad I'll be missing it, but I have a feeling I'll hear all about it. I'm told there will be some calling for Pres' resignation. We shall see, I guess.
I started this feeling lower than low. Tonight I'm surrounded by positivity and I feel GOOD about this decision. Is this Karma? It feels like Karma.
Steps are already being taken to form what we will call The Fringe Farm. We will collect fresh farm goods donated by local farmers and deliver to homes that need a little extra, focusing on those that live between communities and people new to rural life. Eventually I hope to offer clothing and household goods, but I need to find a source outside the community so I'm not taking from the original group.
I also have a preliminary board. Comprised of 3 of 5 members of the original board haha
I've told then they have to finish their term at the group (because they do damn good work, and it's not fair to those that need them to just walk away-hypocritical? Msybe. But i refuse to torpedo the group ). 2 still submitted resignations because they're just floored by that last meeting. Theirs was depending upon mine, so their exit meetings are being scheduled for next week. Because they no longer have a secretary to record minutes I'm being asked to. I'm also being asked to submit my name for Pres should the current one agree to resign.
I haven't decided if I will. I feel that will come across as petty, and tbh it's no longer my business.
Thank you for the encouragement. I'm not sure if I would have had the courage to attend if not for the overwhelming kindness and support shown here. By strangers. * shakes head*. You have no idea how much this meant to me when I needed it.
Thank you.

Update #2.
The open meeting was a shitshow, I'm told.
Pres was called to resign. Refused.
So the board resigned. The group is now being led by the Pres and that's it. So it's essentially dead. You need minimum 3 board members to continue as a registered charity/nonprofit. Nobody ( out of approx 50 ppl ) raised a hand when asked if they wanted to join.
The Fringe Farm, by comparison, has more volunteers than we can organize. This is the group started after you lovely folks helped me decide staying wasn't worth the trouble.
I have mixed feelings over this. One.. it's nice to feel validated. The other... I really don't like how this went down for too many reasons to count.
Our first task as a new org?
Writing an iron clad policy everyone agrees with. Including specific steps to collect, file and address complaints or concerns.
Reminder - I am not the original poster.
🔴🔴🔴
Some People... ( update 2 ) Posted March 28th 2023
Update #2
The Aftermath
It's been... interesting.
The old group has dissolved. Nobody wanted to work with the pres anymore after all that. They held an emergency meeting to try to figure out why most of the board submitted their resignations and it was a shitshow of Pres accusing the remaining board members of conspiring against her, which caused the last remaining board members to also resign over time.
My new board ( Fringe Farm ) is thriving. We've taken over collection and distribution in our area and 2 others as we've merged with 2 other small groups to tap more resources.
Imagine my shock and surprise when the original offender called my Treasurer and asked to be put on the list... of course we did help her but we took the Secretary's minivan and all 7 of us went as a group. When we got there it was the former Pres husband that answered the door.
Our first task was to have an ironclad board policy that states anyone accused of wrongdoing will be spoken to privately by the pres and vice pres ( neither are me-i prefer to work behind the scenes ) prior to anything else.
I'm hearing rumors that the former board pres (P) isn't doing well. When the shit hit the fan her husband left her for sis in law and they've been ' methed up ' ever since.
I honestly feel bad for her. They have no kids and now it's just her... we are having a meeting next week and I believe we are going to invite P onto our board in a non-authority role. After hearing everything that went down afterwards... she's had to get a job and they're currently trying to sell their house amid divorce proceedings so I guess the rumor he was getting a little more than drugs from sis in law was accurate after all. Rumors say P is in massive debt thanks to her husband addiction. I don't think she should have to go through it all alone. I also think her situation was causing her an immense amount of stress and that's why everything happened as it did. She knows she messed up. There's no need to rubbing salt in her wounds.
Reflection:
This has been a very eye opening experience into how our personal lives can seriously affect our moods and actions, I think.
We never really know what someone else is going through, and why they behave the way they do. Part of me wishes I knew so I could have handled it better on my end. Part of me is still raging/hurt at how it all went down.
Hurt people hurt people. It's sad but so very true.
Original post : https://www.reddit.com/EntitledPeople/comments/11cmv5l/some_people/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Update #1 : https://www.reddit.com/EntitledPeople/comments/124id5some_people_updates/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Some additional comments

You are very kind to want to help someone who tried to ruin your reputation. If you ask her to join your new organization, this should be contingent on a very serious conversation about a lot of subjects. Her husband left her for a family member and drugs, and that's pretty fucked up and awful. However, that doesn't give her an excuse to take it out on someone who wasn't even remotely involved. If this kind of behavior is out of character for her, then sure, have the discussion. If this is how she always is, save yourself a major headache and just let her go. As for the SIL, she should be put on some kind of a list. Stop helping her.

OOP:
Sis in law is not being helped by our group, but I did refer her to another that has not had dealings with her yet, and gave them a heads up that this person needs help but is unstable due to 'current life choices'. She had kids who are blameless in all this that don't deserve to be left out, should she get them back.
I think I forgot to mention that she temporarily lost her kids over her animilistic outburst at the meeting? Too many witnesses and too many complaints I guess. And as her and P's husband are blowing through cash like theres no tomorrow on drugs its unlikely to resolve itself anytime soon.
( and yes, its been confirmed that at least 1 of the 3 children are P's husbands, possibly 2 )
As for P... I feel for her. I really do think all of this was a desperate control tactic because she had none in her personal life. I get it.. I think. My life, from the outside, looks perfect. Good kids, great partner, great and satisfying job, decent home & car ... and people ( seem to ) like me.
I don't want her left alone. Depression is a terrible thing, and it makes no sense to help a community while ignoring someone within it that's obviously not ok.
I will definitly proceed with caution in case P has not learned her lesson but leaving her out feels wrong.

Please forgive me for being incredibly late to these posts - I’ve just read the whole saga through (twice!) as it takes me back to a former life where my role included managing volunteers and ah, the memories this brings back! These kind of voluntary groups do amazing work (and you sound like a truly fantastic individual, OP) but it can get so messy and so cliquey and people can become very protective of their little fiefdoms. These groups are fantastic when all is going well, but once things start going wrong it can all fall apart incredibly quickly. The only way round it (as you’re doing) is to have robust and even-handed policies in place and stick to them. I know you’re not doing this for praise or thanks, but I do think you should recognise your own value and allow yourself at the very least a tiny pat on the back, not because of this situation per se, but because the speed with which you’ve established your new group and how quickly your old group fell apart without you indicates what an effective and impactful leader you are. Even if you don’t see yourself that way, it’s clearly how your community does.

OOP:
We offered one-time temporary help. Our unofficial misdion is 'we don't refuse anyone because we don't know their story'.
I also think many of our volunteers were curious/nosy and that's why we've been able to have such a large group so quickly. Sadly, I'm well aware that some help just for the gossip and we haven't been operational long enough to root those out yet to divert to positions where they can't collect potentially harmful gossip.
The second request she made ( the very next week... making her total 3x requests for clothing & food over 3 weeks just over our 2 groups ) was passed on to another group as nobody wanted to get involved, and I'm not allowed to get involved on my own ( our by-law to prevent drama: 'Once a conflict has been reported the accused is not to have any involvement with the donation or distribution of goods to the accuser.' This also serves to protect our volunteers from frivolous accusations or personal vendettas. )
REMINDER: Do not comment in posts linked here. It is a violation of Rule 7

My family home is called the jolly anglers, we moved in when I was 1 year old in 1978 And parts of it goes back to medieval times as a wayside hovel, still has the original inglenook fireplaces. Was a public house/guest house for many years before we moved in, I will add a picture of it my mother has from Victorian times when I go round tomorrow, The earliest record of it that I've managed to find is in the 1841 census when William Rivett is the innkeeper. It was acquired by Steward & Patteson from Ferrier & Co. in 1884 and was still an S&P brewery pub when it served its final pint in 1952.
At some point between 1901 and 1911 the Angel changed its name to the Jolly Anglers possibly coinciding with a change in landlord. We think the poet Jessie Pope who moved to Fritton village after her marriage in 1929. Maybe referenced it in her collection of verses entitled Three Jolly Anglers, published in 1913. In the 1900’s they also added on a tearoom.
Over the years my mum could of and should of written a book about the paranormal happenings at the house that many of us experienced and have had three different paranormal investigating teams visit the house. I will take and upload pictures of historical features when I’m over there tomorrow. Dad built a indoor pool in 1988 and found many seashells deep down when it used to be linked by sea. And had a small jetty and boats used to moor up to visit it. (It’s now in the middle of the countryside) and over the years water has receded over a mile away in distance but many years ago the sea linked into The lake nearby and in pre-medieval times was largely dug then to extract peat for burning. The village where the house resides seems to have been known to our Roman heritage for ‘in a small hillock’ lying about half a mile north of the lake near to our house.
People always want to hear the paranormal side of my parents house which was part medieval wayside hovel then inn and a pub after that in Norfolk uk. so I’ve written some of the strange things that have Happened in my parents house ‘the jolly anglers’
Where do I start.. we moved into the house in 1978 and in the first six months mum was in tears and Wanted to leave again as she was scared to death of all the strange happenings, Dad was working away offshore at the time and they’d used all their money to buy the old house so knew they couldn’t just up and leave, dad wasn’t one for giving in but he also wasn’t the one living it daily. Half the time it was just mum, me as a 9month old and my older siblings 15 and 17. now they say teenage energy can cause spirits to be active in houses and it attracts them so Maybe that could’ve been why they all saw a lot when I was a baby in the house.
One night mum was in bed and I was in the cot in the same room when she woke up and heard rustling coming from the staircase which is open and goes straight into their bedroom , she then in the dim light saw a black shadow floating up the stairs and move very slowly to my cot, she was in shock and couldn’t move for a while and watched it float across the room and as the figure leaned in to my cot, mum was petrified and put the side light on in panic and the shadow just disappeared, she said the noise sounded like crinoline dresses how the material rustled as someone walked along, maybe in the Victorian era.
Another time My parents also whilst in bed heard an old honky-tonk type piano play downstairs, cigar smoke and voices several times in the first six months of living there- note they had no piano nor smoked. Dad always went down to investigate with his double barrel shot gun but everything went silent whenever he opened the door at the bottom of the stairs.
They lived with daily bangs, strange voices,knocking and footsteps all through their lives and also others myself and my siblings have heard these also on a regular basis, my brother and a friend of his whilst in the lounge one evening saw the start of what looked like a red woman’s dress coming down one set of stairs in the old area which was originally the pub.
The pub area is my parents best lounge and was once two rooms but dad knocked Them both into one big one, when it was a pub one was a smoking room and the other was the bar room which still has a bar in it but not the original one. My father purchased it from a old retired landlord of a demolished pub in Great Yarmouth. this room has a staircase each end one staircase goes into my parents bedroom, the other staircase the opposite end goes up into a small hall and off that are two bedrooms, one was my brothers And the other was my sisters, But I slept in there with her frequently. My parents built a small bedroom downstairs which was a section of the larger bathroom which decades before was called the parlour room not the bathroom, we do know from history records that one of the landlords children many years ago died in the house of tuberculosis a young girl about eight years old. My auntie used to sleep in my old small bedroom when she visited us and one evening Was petrified when she saw what looked like flickering candles moving under the doorframe, on another occasion she heard breathing which sounded raspy and a female crying. She ended up sleeping in my brothers room and refused to stay In my little bedroom after the two events.
Tins In kitchen have flown out of cupboards and dented the radiator, pictures have flown off walls and ornaments also have somehow landed other ends of rooms not just dropped downwards, small dancing white lights Have been witnessed by several people in Different areas of the house also seen by Paranormal research team. All teams have picked up Things and seen things and even been poked by a entity. Psychic mediums have come to the house and said there are many spirits including a woman who had several children and drowned herself, one Young man With a club foot who lived at the pub, and In those days would of been called a imbecile who owned a black dog Which haunts the house too, my mum later investigated documents to this claim and she saw on the 1899 census that in fact a man classed as a ‘imbecile’ was residing at the residence.
Now before the psychic talked about the woman, when I was a little girl about three, my parents tell me I had an invisible friend, apparently she was a lady in a red dress so I said, she used to push me on the swing outside and I used to talk to her and she’d play with me and my toys a lot, I said she was a nice lady that liked children. Years later a neighbour from the village was at one of our parties and was talking about the history of her family, they had lived in our village for many many years and she had been doing some family research and had recently found out that her great great grandmother had been pulled out of the lake which is near our house. she Apparently had drowned herself because twins were prevalent in her family, she had had two sets and was pregnant again, her husband had recently died And she couldn’t take it anymore, she was very poor and when they took the body from the river they didn’t have funeral homes in those days in villages, so they always laid the bodies out in a cold place.. which was normally the local pub cellar, where in fact she was laid out to be buried in our pub cellar and they held the post-mortem there too which she had documents of. which funny enough was my playroom as a child And freezer storage area. Now no one knows if she died wearing a red dress but it was sense that she loved children by the psychic so everyone thinks that that is the lady in a red dress that was my invisible friend as a child. There was an incident once where a family friends child was over with his mum and as 3 year olds do they open doors and investigate, unfortunately he opened the cellar door and fell to the bottom, now they are big concrete steps to the bottom of the cellar, My father saw him enter the seller But didn’t see him fall but when He rushed to him he was standing at the bottom of the steps not even crying, they all checked him over and said ‘are you okay? and he said ‘the lady got me’ and Pointed to an area in the cellar, Apparently gave everyone there goosebumps. Another occasion at a party there was a nonbeliever there who was joking about ghosts and what people had seen and said to a group of people ‘it’s a load of old nonsense’ the moment he said that the old heavy wooden front door creaked open and no one was there behind it, apparently he went very pale and flustered, many people witnessed that.
Also people have seen figures in the corner of their eye or movement for years and we all got used to the footsteps, taps and bumps as it is an old house and has had a lot of people walk through it, it ended up just a thing you got used to and mum didn’t leave after six months dad convinced her to stick it out and things did calm down but never completely stopped. When my grandmother died my father saw her sitting on the end of the bed looking at her daughter, When I was very ill as a child in bed I saw a man in a black suit which I thought was the doctor and I started talking to him asking where my mum was and he disappeared. One if my nieces has seen a lady sitting in a old velvet chair in one of the bedrooms, My other grandmother when she stayed over once heard what sounded like rings being dropped into the sink, as all bedrooms have a sink in, as it used to be a guest house. As a teenager I moved from my sisters old room into my brothers old room at the back of the house and one night I woke to see a very tall man in a black cape, we have no street lights in the village and I never shut my curtains as we are not overlooked, so the moonlight was coming through my window and he must’ve been 6 foot five tall as his head nearly reached the ceiling, and I could see in the light he had fair hair which was slicked back and parted at the side, but he didn’t move it was like a picture in a picture book I couldn’t help but be quite mesmerised for a few second on how clear it was, but I lost that feeling and suddenly jumped up and ran out of that room, Didn’t even bother putting a light on I woke my parents up and I burst into tears, that really shook me up. After that event i even changed the layout of my room so I wouldn’t wake up in that position again. Another time I woke and I heard loud footsteps going round the bed but strangely the footsteps were like heavy boots and they were at my Ear level not on the ground, to this day I still find that very strange and they sounded amplified too. Another time a man with scraggly long hair poked his head out from one of the sloped ceilings in my room also. Each time I’d shoot out of the room and sleep in the other bedroom for a few days Before I felt safe to go back in and sleep.
Me My Husband And our 2 year old daughter left at four in the morning once after a family wedding because my daughter was crying, my husband picked her up out of the cotbed and she pointed to a Corner near the stairs and said ‘man there’ she has autism and her speech was delayed at that age but she was psychically scared of something that night She did not settle there which was very unusual for her, it scared my husband so he said ‘we are going home now! When we got to our own home she slept peacefully, I believe a spirit was Being a nuisance to her.
One of mums best friends was spiritual and told me that I had a gift and that I saw spirits, It’s something I never wanted and it scared me every time, even in my own house grown with a daughter and husband of my own I still see ‘people’ as I call them in my own home at night and every time I see them I always think it’s an intruder before ever thinking its a spirit lol And I always ‘fight not flight, I run at them to attack and always end up running into my bedroom door lol.
My dad has been dead 15 years and when he died, he died at home in bed and the house was very active again for a while but my father built a lot of the new part of the house with his own hands so we all knew he would have a lot of energy there when he passed.
Mum Now on her own at the house and she Will be 80 in 2022 she now has Limited mobility but she is very stubborn and has no intention of leaving, it’s far too big for her to cope with but she has a Gardner and cleaner and I help her a lot with shopping, she says when she leaves this house it will be in a coffin.
My daughter is 11 and she stays with her nan ny every Friday night, it’s her routine and my mum loves having her, she stays a few days a week when it’s summer holidays and school holidays and she loves the house, but I feel she is spiritual too so can sense things but it doesn’t bother her to sleep on her own in my sisters old room next door to my mums. until about a year ago she told my mother that she had seen her grandad in mothers room where she slept on occasions and he asked her questions like ‘what does she like to do. After that she now sleeps down stairs, which is now where mother sleeps also now due to mobility.
Well That’s some of the stories anyway, there’s many more but these are the ones I can remember off the top of my head.
Other experiences…
A friend saw a bearded gentleman’s faced reflection as she passed by a mirror.
Mum saw a grotesque male face in gray similar to what Satan May look like for a split second in her Own reflection once in a mirror in the bedroom hallway.
I heard My music box draw click opened and the music started playing when I was trying to go to sleep one night as a child, I removed it from my room after that. My mother also had heard that too on occasions
I had china dolls in my room when I was a young teen and once one of their arms flopped down, got my dad to remove them and now are still in their hall way on a shelf.
One night mum felt really hot while trying to sleep she felt the heating was on too high so went to turn The heating down, the thermostat was in the lounge downstairs, as She went to to the thermostat she suddenly saw the door to lounge opening, all where asleep upstairs. She said she ran so fast up the stairs that she ran out of the top of the nightdress and ripped it, she Was shouting when she ran upstairs to my sister to grab me out of the cot and get in my brothers bedroom they then barricaded the door with his wardrobe and Didn’t sleep at all that night till morning when they all investigated together, apparently My brother complained and said ‘it’s roasting hot up here mum’ she replied ‘you will have to bloody sweat as I’m not going down till morning!
going up to bed one night she’s turning all the lights off in the lounge, she had a gold Latch she used to flip down to secure the door in lounge to the rest of the house, one night after she had done that as she walked to the stairs she suddenly heard the latch flick up and the door slowly open, another scarper up the stairs and lock the door behind her and put covers over her face.
all the bedrooms have either key locks or bolts on the inside of every Bedroom door due to travellers Visiting the pub years ago could rent a room for the night if they wanted as guests, Mum very much appreciated the locks and bolts as she did think it was mostly intruders to start with. It’s funny when you look back on it all and you think to yourself.. spirits can get through locked doors and bolted doors! but at the time it makes you feel really safe and secure that They will stay behind a locked door and funny enough most of the time They did.
Many times dad was armed with his shotgun quietly sneaky round the house after hearing bangs bumps and knocks..it’s a big house with many steps, levels, twists and turns so could take him a while to do a sweep search of the house, mum said she was always so relieved when he came back up to bed and said ‘no ones broke in’ but then both equally Perplexed on what the noise was that they heard in the first place.
Paranormal investigators along with mum and her teenage grandson witnessed all the glasses in bar which are stored upside downs start to all clink together several times.
Years later they went from a latch lock In lounge area to a battery operated alarm door lock so if it’s switched on And door opens, a alarm sounds. Which she set religiously. In middle of the night she heard the smoke alarm going off, when she went down half asleep and groggy to investigate she couldn’t smell any smoke so she got a stool and checked the smoke alarm and in her groggy sleep state she suddenly realised the noise was coming from the door which had been opened, she hastily shut door and used the old bolt and ran upstairs.
Mum was tidying behind the bar one morning after a family party we had the night before when she felt something or someone grab her shoulder, there was no one there.
There is a small American Indian doll high up on the bar (is still there) and one day my parents noticed I was playing with it as a toddler, they say there was no way possible that I would of been able to get that myself they said ‘how did you get that down from there? I apparently said ‘the lady gave me it!
So many to recall but these are some throughout the 46 years of my life.
Added..
Many lights started to flicker for over a month after his death touch lamps especially, also the solor lights outside the back door used to go in and off and we sat and watched them several times and spoke to dad sure that he was trying to Communicate with us. Many lights started to flicker for over a month after his death also the solor lights outside the back door used to go in and off we sat and watched them several times and spoke to dad .

Bare Knuckle Fighting Championship rolled into Connecticut for the first time in history last night.
This events card went through the shredder a few times starting with Heather Hardy being medically declined which canceled the main event, followed by Derek Campos pulling from the co-main event, and various other fighters dropping the day before and of weigh ins.
With all of the changes and a new commission finding their footing in the bare knuckle world, it turned into a shakey event that lacked in highlight moments. Now that the dust has settled, what's next for the losers from last night?
Dylan Felion:
Performance Grade- F
Rough debut for Dylan last night. Suffering 4 knockdowns and spending more time on the canvas from his off balance punches. Felion looked very inexperienced in the ring.
Next up: Felion doesn't appear to be BKFC level talent.
Sam Watford:
Performance Grade- D+
Watford made his debut and had some flashes, but being down deep on the scorecards after two knockdowns, Watford did more talking than punching in the final rounds.
Next up: Watford is not BKFC level talent.
Chris Sarro:
Performance- F-
Sarro hasn't been the same since his knockout loss to Josh Burns at BKFC 15. After that knockout, he's strung together quite the streak of poor performances combined with highlight knockouts. Sarro lost on the scale on Friday and ended his future with BKFC on Saturday. Sarro claimed a hand injury after falling to the canvas during an initial exchange with his opponent. The ringside doctor would wave the action off, leading to Sarro making a fool of himself towards ownership, the commission, and the audience.
What's next: The man running the circus said Sarro is done with BKFC. I'd like to see him retire after the string of losses he's been on combined with his age.
Lewis Rumsey:
Performance Grade: D+
Rumsey stepped into the squared circle for the 5th time last night and gave his best while being severely overmatched, even though his opponent was making his debut. Rumsey was knocked down 5 times and had quite a few other trips to the canvas in a one-sided loss. He showed heart by getting up time and time again, but it once again was not his night.
Next up: Rumsey isn't going to set the world on fire with his skill level, but he at least shows up and goes out on his shield. Next up should be another debut opponent on a Prospect Series card.
Stephen Stengel:
Performance Grade- N/A
Stengel took this fight on less than a days notice against an Olympian. There is no way to really judge his performance on such short notice.
Next up: it may have been a fast loss, but stepping in on short notice should earn Stengel another fight on a Prospect Series card.
Connor McKenna
Performance Grade- D+
McKenna went against a tough gatekeeper and held his own at moments. McKennas' gas tank just wasn't enough to stop the onslaught he was facing and fell victim to another TKO loss.
Next up: Another fighter who got knocked down but didn't stay down until he couldn't fight anymore. McKenna does not have BKFC level talent but has a BKFC sized heart.
Sarah Click:
Performance Grade- B-
Click is in the running for fight of the night with her performance. Just as this fight started to become a war with both ladies finding their rhythm, a cut above Clicks eye would lead to the doctor waiving the fight off. With two rounds left on the board, the fans were robbed of two ladies being able to finish strong.
Up Next: Click fell to 0-4, but put on a showing worthy of bringing her back. Click should match up with the winner of Cassie Robb v. Cristina Crist at Prospect Series: Denver.
Anthony Foye:
Performance Grade - C
Foye stepped in last night against an undefeated fighter with everything stacked against him from betting odds to media members. He hung technically with his opponent for the majority of the fight, taking few risks and not being in danger, but also not pressing his opponent into danger either. Foye had his strongest round in the 5th.
Next up: Is Foye elite enough to hang with the top tier guys? Last night wouldn't give you a clear yes or no, Foye was either at his best or his opponents claims of coasting during the fight made him look better than he is. Foye v. David Diaz could be an interesting fight.
Louie Lopez:
Performance Grade- N/A
Lopez stepped in on short notice against a debut opponent who happened to be a former Ultimate Fighter winner. Lopez went forward and paid the price for it, becoming the only highlight KO of the night. Louie may have lost the fight but gained more fans stepping in at a higher weight class to save the co-main event.
Next up: After a couple of tough losses, Louie should take the remainder of the year off to recover. When he's back, a fight at 145 against the loser of Eric Dodson v. Edgard Plazaola sounds good to me.
Daniel Straus:
Performance Grade C-
Straus made his return to the ring after a tough loss to Dat Nguyen last year. This fight did no favors for Straus as he looked unenthusiastic through five rounds of action. Straus seemed hesitant and didn't start throwing caution to the wind until he was down 4-0 on the scorecards. Straus' lack of aggression held him back severely as he lost most of the boxing exchanges.
What's next: Straus spoke of the frustration of the shelf time between this fight and his last. He is reevaluating his future in the BKFC. I find this to be the best. If Straus doesn't have the enthusiasm for the sport, then it's probably time for him to find another route. Straus may be better off finding a mid major regional mma company to link onto. He may have dropped 6 of his last 7 fights, but those fights were against elite competition in MMA and BKFC. The talent is there, but the confidence seems to be missing right now.

Having read a comprehensive book detailing the Hart Family/ Stampede Wrestling, as well as books by Bret Hart, Bruce Hart and Dynamite Kid, I can say it was great to hear from someone who was spoken about in all those books. It is fascinating to see all the intersecting points of view when it comes to anything Hart Family related.
Bret Hart book
Bruce Hart book
History of Stampede Wrestling book
History of the Hart Family as documented in various books
Dynamite Kid book
This book was short and a quick read, but you could tell it was written with honesty and truth. She doesn't shy away from her own mistakes and issues while detailing the own POV on a relationship where most people have only heard from Bret.
As always, it's done in chronological order. I hope you find it as interesting as I did...
Julie had a truly wild and horrific youth experience between being sent to juvenile detention centers and dealing with genuinely abusive step parents. She is honest and critical of her own behaviors as well and doesn't like the choices she made. I grew up in the area where she spent her teenage years, and I can confirm that the seedy ghetto areas of Saskatchewan are genuinely gross and terrifying places to be when you're young and directionless.
She talks about how she was r*ped while hitchhiking as a teenager and got pregnant. She gave the baby up for adoption and tried to press charges but got cold feet and ran to another neighboring city. She was afraid the man who assaulted her would escape the charges and come after her again. She was young and naively thought that if she had just switched towns, she could escape everything. When a cop found her, he accused her of running because she was lying about the assault. This type of bullshit is why women don't come forward.
Julie was working in Regina, Saskatchewan, at the arena where wrestling was held when it came in town. That's where she first saw Bret Hart, and Bret saw her too. He ended up asking her boss Gil to introduce the two. Bret spoke about this in his book, too, how Julie caught his eye while he was in the ring. Gil later warned Julie that dating a wrestler is risky because they have a lot of "stops on the road." Julie didn't understand that Gil wasn't criticizing or accusing Bret of anything, but how he knew how wrestlers were on the road, in terms of meeting women.
Julie speaks favorably on how Bret treated her younger sister Michelle (the future wife of Dynamite Kid) but I remember in Bret's book, him describing in detail how attracted he was to the underage Michelle when he met her. Julie says Bret treated her like a sister, and her book came out after Bret's, so I'll take her word for it.
Julie moved in with Bret in Calgary just a few months into their relationship and she remembers being a wreck of nerves and anxiety ay the start, unable to cook or even attend the big Hart Family Sunday dinner. Eventually, Bret got her out to the Hart house where she met Stu and Helen Hart. Helen was a sweetheart, but she remembers Stu eying her up and down, with Julie saying, "He gave me the once over." Adding, "Stu judged women on their teeth and legs." She said Stu stared at her teeth and legs as if she were a race horse he was inspecting.
Julie remembers how Stu would turn any conversation into something about wrestling. She mentioned being a Saskatchewan Roughrider fan (Canadian football team), and Stu went on a rant about Gene Kiniski, who briefly played for the Edmonton Eskimos This made me chuckle as Stu and Gene had a but of a rough relationship since Stu gave up on Gene when he was a rookie and hurt his knee. Gene went to Toronto where "Whipper" Billy Watson essentially turned Gene into the big name star he was known for.
In Bret's book, he described the first night Julie came to the Sunday Hart dinner and when Julie passed on the salad, Bret's sister Diana Hart snapped on her saying, "What, you're too good for fuckin' salad!?" Bret says his mom responded by saying to Julie, "So you met Bret's sister Diana." In Julie's book, she describes this event as well but doesn't mention the funny line from Helen. She says Bret just took Julie and decided to leave immediately. Bret's other sister, Georgia, followed them outside and apologized on behalf of Diana and excused Diana by pointing out how pregnant Diana was at the time.
Julie actually puts over Diana quite a bit and says she actually came to admire Diana for how outspoken she was. She says Diana had a great style and was a gifted artist. After reading so many Hart related books, it's refreshing to hear something positive about Diana. Diana is the "Black sheep" who married "The British Bulldog" Davey Boy Smith. Diana would write a scandalous and legal minefield of a book in 2001 called "Under the mat." It was quickly pulled from shelves after Owen Hart's widow Martha threatened legal action over what was said about her and Owen. Bret and Bruce Hart also denounce the book, calling it mostly lies, but not everything can be written off as fiction, including stories, some wild stores about Dean Hart. I desperately need this book.
Julie said she never got over the sight of Bret Hart eating an avacado as if it were an apple.
While Bret was in Japan wrestling with his brother Keith, Julie said she spent a lot of time with Keith's girlfriend. It was Keith's girlfriend who smartened Julie up to how wrestling works. Up to this point, she believed it to be legit, and even Bret had been selling it like this to her. She was furious, and when Bret called, she told him they were done and hung up on him. The next day, Bret's older brother Bruce stopped by to help her understand kayfabe and how silly it all was. Julie says she ended up feeling bad for reacting like that and yelling at Bret, but she says he forgave her immediately. Bret tells this same story in his book, adding details of how Julie would worry and stress about Bret Hart being brutalized every night.
Here's something I dont remember from Bret's book. He knocked up Julie very early into their relationship, and Julie got an abortion. She said they both weren't ready for being parents, but Julie says she was deeply saddened by their choice. She never expressed these misgivings with Bret, and assumes Bret was relieved, she didn't make it any more difficult on them. To Bret's credit, maybe he didn't mention it in his book for Julie's benefit. Or he did mention it very briefly, and I missed it.
Julie remembers accompanying Bret on a trip overseas where they went to a freaky sex show place where they had "baby tigers and lions and torture rooms."" She says at one point Bret got tied up on a table and was playfully whipped.
On this trip, Julie remembers a woman hitting on Bret right in front of her and had to yell at her to back off while Bret laughed. Julie was pissed and made them go back to the hotel. Once there, Julie was mouthing off to Bret before he grabbed her and "bodyslammed" her into the flower bed. He offered to help her up afterwards but she told him to fuck off.
A week later Bret came home smelling of perfume and Julie says she just snapped. She said she grabbed him and dug her finger nails into his face and eyes. She says Bret later would tell her that he never saw her the same after this incident. I don't remember Bret describing Julie ever getting physical like that in his book, but he did describe a lot of shouting matches.
Julie says she and Bret got married after her younger sister and Dynamite Kid. She says they got married in secret because Bret didn't like his siblings much and said they didn't deserve to be part of it.
When Julie was pregnant again this time they felt ready to start a family. Though Bret made Julie not tell anyone for the first 5 months of her pregnancy and when he "told" his parents, it was through a letter he left on their bed before he left for a wrestling tour. Julie remembers feeling hurt by this because Bret would say his parents always wanted their children to start families with someone who had money, a significant name and an education. Julie had none of those things and while she doesn't say it, you get the feeling that she thinks Bret was ashamed or embarrassed by her.
When she got pregnant again, she says Bret was mad at her for not being more careful with birth control. She says she became very irritable and bitchy throughout the pregnancy and always found something to be mad at Bret for. She is super critical of her behavior here and doesn't excuse it.
The night she gave birth, Bret left to go out for drinks, despite Julie asking him not to in case her water broke. When she woke up at 5am to her water breaking, she was furious that Bret didn't come home yet and had to call a friend to get her to the hospital. Bret was a no-show for her entire delivery and missed his second child being born. Julie says she was furious and seriously considered divorcing him then.
When Bret started touring with WWF, he was gone for much longer periods of time and this strained their marriage. Working for WWF really put a strain on Bret and filled him with confidence issues as well. She said between his self doubt and her loneliness, their marriage was barely holding on.
She remembers how Bret would call from the road and bemoan about how lonely he was. I'm reminded of his book, how he would complain about feeling lonely, then complain that the guilt of cheating on Julie was too much.
Julie says she got a literal itch and went to a doctor who told her that she caught "something" from a public washroom. A suspicious Julie went home and threw all her bedding in the garbage and then thought to check on her suspicion. She looked through their phone bills to find that Bret was placing a ton of calls to a girl from New Jersey and that he even kept the receipt for a Christmas present he bought this girl!
Julie describes how Bret called and she just screamed "I want a divorce!" Before she hung up and ripped the phone cord out of the wall. Eventually she agreed to go meet him and they started yelling at each other in a parking lot after a show. She says at one point Bret through a can of budweiser at her head, hitting her! She says wrestler Les Thorton got between the two and tried to calm them down. She remembers screaming how she won't get in the car with Bret and Bret yelled back, "Don't be stupid, get in the car! Your embarrassing yourself!" She says Bret later said the girl meant nothing to him and Julie should be greatful that Bret isn't addicted to drugs. Wild. At one point when they were back in the hotel room, a girl called the room asking for Bret and Julie snapped, breaking a lamp.
In Bret's book, he described how he decieved both Julie and this girl from New Jersey, neglecting to tell this side girl that he was married until she was head over heels in love with him. Bret talks about how tough this was for him and says that Stu and Helen Hart talked Julie out of leaving him.
Julie says their relationship was never the same after the affair. She couldn't trust him again.
Julie says when her grandmother died a few months after the affair, Bret was calling her everyday to check in but she said "I couldn't have cared less about those calls."
Julie says it was around this time that she and Bret started to regularly do cocaine. She said the coke helped her not think about the affair and how she would ask Bret to score some if she couldn't get it out of her head. She said she would do coke and sleep in the car just to avoid Bret. She suggests this all slowed down when Vince started cracking down on coke use with drug tests.
She speaks highly of Vince McMahon, this book was written in 2013, and she is greatful for what Vince was able to provide for her family and the opportunity he gave Bret. She says when she first met Vince, he was wearing a suit and sneakers. When she asked Bret why he wore sneakers, Bret said "so he can get around." During the show she noticed Vince was all over the place during matches, never sitting still and always running around from one person to another.
Julie remembers meeting Ozzy Osbourne at Wrestlemania 2 and "marking out" because he was her idol as a teenager. After the show, she says Ozzy was present as everyone had drinks at the hotel and Dynamite Kid spiked her drink. She said she could barely stand and Dynamite just laughed at her the whole time.
Julie notes how devoted Bret was to making sure his kids had the best toys, and how Bret would drive to every toy store before Christmas and find what the kids wanted. She appreciates this but also wishes Bret didn't miss so many plays and dances and activities due to his schedule. She was starting to really resent wrestling and wanted Bret to quit. She hated having this big house that felt empty most of the time without Bret home. In Bret's book, he wanted her to get a job to fix her loneliness.
She says her 3rd pregnancy was easier than her second and Bret was very sweet to her and praised how good she looked.
Julie brings up how devastated Bret was when his brother Dean died in 1990. She remembers watching him wrestle the next night at Survivor Series ppv and seeing the pain on his face. Bret talks about how tough this was in his book and how much shame he felt. Dean needed a kidney transplant and none of the Hart brothers stepped up. Bret didn't want to derail his career. Though you can't blame anyone more than Dean himself, who was stubborn and often went against doctors orders, so even with a mew kidney, Dean may have still died.
Julie talks about continuing her partying and drug lifestyle into the early 90s when she would party with a local band and inviting them to live at her house. She said Bret was very understanding and never pushed her for details on those nights out. Some nights Bret would watch the kids all night while Julie was getting fucked up and partying.
On of those musicians, Marc, was very close with Julie and while Julie never says she hooked up, she does say her younger sister Michelle did hook up with Marc, a bunch of times in secret. She doesn't specify if this was before or after Michelle left Dynamite Kid, but she says Marc did move in with Michelle and help her with the kids. This would have been after Dynamite went back to UK, since I'm sure Dynamite would have kicked the door down and attempted to murder Marc if this were in the final months of of Michelle and Dynamite's marriage.
Julie's brother committed suicide and Julie didn't have the support system around to prevent her from spiraling into heavy drinking.
In 1996, Bret Hart was filming a movie (Sinbad) in South Africa and halfway through, asked Julie to come join him. Julie is very honest about how she was self sabatoging her life at this point but was still deeply in love with Bret. She was excited to read an early draft of some Shakespeare work that was at a museum, but Bret couldn't be bothered to go with her so she went by herself.
She says her and Bret shared a perfect moment watching the sun set, but Bret got mad at her when she decided to record it.
Julie describes sneaking cigarettes because Bret didn't know she picked the habbit up again.
The trip ended when Julie was asking Bret something but he just ignored her several times in a row. When she finally looked at what had his attention, she saw he was gawking at a topless sunbather on the beach. She stormed off to the hotel room after telling Bret to show her more respect than that. Julie says Bret followed her to the room, with him saying she always ruins these trips. When Julie started packing her bags, she says Bret pushed her hard onto the bed. She started spewing insults at him, before, she says, Bret grabbed her by the hair and threw her from the bed and onto the floor! Julie says she started crying and demanding that Bret get her home immediately or else she would find someone who would. Bret screamed at her "Get the fuck out! I've had it with you! We're fucking done! I will put you on a plane tonight, but don't expect to win me back!"
Having read Bret's book, he does mention the trip to South Africa where he filmed the Sinbad movie. But Bret makes no mention of inviting Julie on the trip and instead points out how it coincided with a WWF tour in South Africa at the same time. Bret does talk about how the Dutch found the area and how beautiful itnwas there, which was something Julie mentioned as well that Bret talked about. Bret does mention getting a lot of ladies phone numbers on the last few days of the trip and seeing a drunk Yokozuna swapping spit with some South African PR woman when they were both very drunk. Bret makes no mention of Julie being there or how he got physical with her.
The Hart's always try to shy away from controversial truths, just ask any one of them where Bruce Hart met his wife. They will all say at a wrestling show, and neglect to mention how Bruce Hart was a 33 year old substitute teacher who knocked up his 17 year old student. Gross. (I'll never not bring this up when talking about the Hart's btw)
Julie talks about Mathew Hart, Georgia and BJ's son who died in 1996 from Necrotizing Fasciitis, a legitimate flesh eating virus. From everyone's account, the poor boy suffered for 2 weeks until he died. Julie says she and Bret took their kids on vacation when the poor kid died. A lot of people act as though the Hart Family curse started at the Screwjob in 1997, but really it started with Dean in 1990 and Mathew in 1996.
Julie remembers how gleeful Bret was when he called her up and bragged about giving a drunken Vince McMahon his tag team finishing move. Julie warned Bret that Vince wasn't the type to forget that and she suspects that it played a part in the screwjob. This sounds silly imo but what do I know, I found it an interesting and unique take if nothing else.
Julie remembers the morning of the 1997 Survivor Series ppv, someone warned Bret that Vince and Shawn were seen the night before talking and getting into an elevator together.
Julie says she and her lawyer were sitting somewhere in the arena as the Montreal Screwjob happened. Julie says she got up, looking at the monitor and said, "Holy shit, that's not supposed to happen!" And her lawyer, also shocked, said, "No, it is not."
Julie says she and the layer had to sprint to catch up to Bret and Vince and she describes her scolding of Triple H and Shawn Michaels, saying the words just poured out of her. It's maybe the most memorable scene of that documentary, watching Triple H and HBK shrink into children as Julie dresses them down.
Julie says the 1997 holidays were anything but cheerful and says she was boozing a lot and doing coke "from time to time."
Julie wanted to get a nanny or house keeper but Bret refused and put his foot down on the subject.
Julie says Bret asked for a divorce in early 1998 and she handled it poorly. She is critical of her immediate response to run away from home and stay at a hotel. When she returned home for clothes, her confused daughter asked her what was going on and a rageful Julie said "Your dad wants a divorce and I can't stay in the same house as him anymore! Julie says she was so blinded by her anger she didn't see the damage she was doing then.
Julie says that the Wrestling with Shadow's documentary crew needed Julie and Bret to reshoot something that didn't come out right when they originally shot it. So Julie and Bret had to pretend to be a in a marriage again talking things out about Bret's career. Julie says her and Bret slept together after they shot the scene and she was hurt when Bret said afterward, "One for the road, I guess."
The next time she heard from Bret, he told her to get a lawyer because he had one already.
Julie says she and Bret spent many nights yelling at eachother over the phone, with Bret calling her a whore and saying he didn't take all those bumps so Julie to take all his money. This is a statement Bret would repeat a lot to Julie over the years of them fighting. He would call her a money grabbing whore and how he didn't take a bunch of bumps so Julie could end up with the money.
Just as Julie was ready to sign custody papers, Bret's personal assistant contacted Julie and told her that Bret had been seeing some girl in the States for months. The assistant said she felt guilty arranging their meetups behind Julie's back. Julie said she later told Bret that she isn't signing shit and she needed to contact her lawyers with the new developments. She said Bret first tried denying it, calling his assistant jealous and a liar. Then Bret blamed Julie because Bret said he "couldn't get past her traumatic past." What the fuck Bret, I'm pretty sure he is referring to Julie being sexually assaulted as a teenager. (He makes this clear later in the book) Then he bragged about his new girl looking better than Julie and being younger than Julie, with Bret also saying the kids will love the new girl. Bret even later said Julie was getting heavier and letting herself go.
Pretty wild story here. Julie says that Bret started neglecting the kids, even when he was in town, and often skipped out on seeing them altogether. For Canada Day 1998 Bret promised to take them out and to the fireworks. Julie says they waited all day, expecting a fun evening with their dad. But Bret didn't show up with their friend Dean, until after 9pm, (stoned and drunk according to Julie) after Julie tried to call Bret repeatedly and got no answer.
Julie isn't proud of this, but says before Bret arrived that night, Julie had sat the kids down and told them Bret was off smoking pot with a new girlfriend. Julie knew immediately she shouldn't have said it, she saw her kids starting to cry and knew she tarnished how they look at their dad.
Bret was pissed off that Julie decided to take the kids to the fireworks, and when Julie had herself and the kids in the car, an enraged Bret started punching the drivers side window until Julie agreed to get out and talk.
Bret grabbed and dragged her off around the corner of the house where Julie defiantly told him that the kids know he smokes pot and is seeing someone else.
Julie says Bret snapped, slammed her hard up against the wall and yelled, "You bitch! I hate you! I hate you!" Then Julie claims that Bret grabbed her by the throat and slammed her on the ground where he continued to choke her until their son Blade came around the corner and screamed at Bret to get off his mom!
As Julie was catching her breath, their friend Dean, who was still there and in shock, tried to help Julie up. Bret took off with their son Blade and a panicked Julie called the police. She foolishly said to the 911 opperater that her husband pro wrestler, Bret Hart, had taken her child againt her will. The police arrived and seemingly didn't know who Bret was, tried to get Julie to press charges. The police were able to call Bret and convince him to bring the kid to the police station, so the cops could bring him home. Bret makes no mention of this in his book.
Julie says Bret stopped by the next day and apologized and tried to ask her to sit down for coffee. Julie explained how they scarred their children for life the night prior and she wasn't interested in speaking to him in friendly terms yet.
Julie defends Bret a bit by saying she could see in person that she wasn't the cause of his anger and that he was just deeply angry and disappointed with things. This would be 1998 and even Bret describes how bitter and despondent he was at this time. Julie says he stopped being around the kids and it hurt them, especially their boys Blade and Dallas who started getting a chip on their shoulders and seeking conflict. One time Julie asked Dallas about Bret and Dallas said, "He never calls and is never around."
Julie says things were getting stable but she and Bret started secretly sleeping together again and complicated things. She says Bret would pick her up and drove to a seedy part of town before casually dropping her off at home after. She says she was initially amused by this but eventually began to wonder how many other women Bret does this with. It made her feel uncomfortable to say the least.
One time as she was being dropped off, Julie asked Bret if he was happy. Bret said no and that he couldn't get happy. Then Bret asked if Julie was seeing anyone, but didn't let her answer, he just said "of course you are." Julie realizes now that Bret was suffering some deep depression and at the time she mistook codependency for love.
Eventually Bret's other girlfriend caught wind of his and Julie's rendezvous and made Bret break things off. Julie could hear the woman on the other end of the line when Bret called to inform Julie that they need to set boundaries in their relationship now.
Julie says Bret once called her to say he tested for hepatitis and that Julie should get checked out as well.
Julie later found out that the girl Bret was seeing was nearly the same age as their daughter.
Julie says her and Bret continued to sleep together behind his girlfriends back though, with Bret always asking for "coffee" before making a move, which Julie always reciprocated.
Bret would break up with his girlfriend near the end of 1998 and ask Julie if he can spend the holidays with her and the kids. Julie relents, and soon they seem to be trying to salvage their relationship with Bret more present then he ever has been.
Soon after the new year, Bret and Julie take a trip together to Hawaii. Julie finally builds up the courage to ask Bret what he thinks of them getting back together, and Bret says he doesn't want to get "trapped" again. Julie snapped and said, "That's it I'm done, I can't keep playing these games with you!"
During this conversation, as Julie was walking away, Bret randomly said, "My therapist said that sometimes girls, like the ones your age when all that stuff happens to you, they like it." Julie burst into tears and ran out of the room. What the fuck Bret, to imply that that when his wife was a 16 year old girl, she liked getting r*ped!
Helen Hart died a few weeks after 9/11 in 2001. She was from New York, and Julie remembers how devastated Helen was following the September attacks. Helen went back to New York a few weeks later to visit her sister, but due to the border concerns, she was held up for hours after her plane landed back in Calgary. She wasn't able to reach her insulin and eventually went into a coma.
Helen was on an off ventilation a few times while at the hospital, and one day Alison (Bret's sister) called and told him to come visit asap, because Helen was back on a ventilator and it wasn't looking good. Bret thought Alison being an alarmist and decided to visit the next day. Julie says she wishes they had visited that night, because Helen passed away a few hours later.
One afternoon, Julie came home to find her son Dallas on the phone, when she asked him who he was speaking to, Dallas said, "It's dad, but he sounds drunk." Bret told Julie that he fell off his bike and couldn't get up. He wasn't speaking clearly and couldn't properly explain where he was. Julie and her daughter Beans, drove around looking for Bret based off his perception and directions.
Julie and Beans found him laying casually in the grass, as if he was resting. She said one of Bret's eyes was wide open and the other was closed, and half his mouth was dropping. She struggled to move him as he slurred his words and insisted he was fine. Eventually an ambulance was called and Bret was loaded in.
Julie says the stroke changed him, made him mooder and more depressed. She isn't casting judgment, just pointing out changes she noticed as she spent every day at the hospital with him, helping to feed and cloth Bret, even helping him to the bathroom.
Julie remembers one night that Bret confided in her that he feared he got a stroke as punishment for all the bad things he done. He told her that the morning he got a stroke, he was planning on signing the divorce papers.
Several months later, with Bret moving aorund more, he spent Easter with Julie and the kids, but Julie found an email from some woman in Italy, directed to Bret and it suggested some heavy sexual stuff. Julie felt stupid and used again. When she confronted him on it, he denied anything and she reluctantly believed him.
A week later as Bret prepared for a trip, she found a plane ticket to Italy, when she asked Bret where he was going, he said England. Julie drove him to the airport and told him to get the fuck out.
Bret went to Italy to be with a fan he met at a contract signing, who was obsessed with him since she was a little girl. Julie says she is exactly what Bret needed to feel like the Hitman again. After reading Bret's book, this assessment is completely accurate.
The Italian woman's name was Cynthia and she was also just a year older than Bret's daughter Jade. Julie said Jade had the hardest time accepting Cynthia, whom Bret was determined to integrate into the family.
When Bret's dad Stu died, Julie remembers how she, Bret and Stu's granddaughter Jenni all stood by the bed and watched as he passed. She remembers how she kissed his cheek and told him he could go see Helen now, he didn't need to be here and longer. I remember the speech Stu gave at Helen's funeral, with one line in particular staying with me, "I'm glad for the time I had with her," he said full of love, but his pain was on display too, "Ill never get over this" he finished solemnly, "I don't have enough time."
Julie remembers one day that their son Blade called her from Bret's house, begging for her to pick him up. Blade and Bret started arguing about Cynthia, with Bret saying to his own son, "Don't make me pick between you and Cynthia, because I'll pick Cynthia! And if you don't like it you can get the fuck out!"
Julie started calling Bret "Hitman" when he acted like this to his children, with Julie telling them that their father still loves him and not to worry about what The Hitman says, because it's coming from a broken mind.
One day after Julie bought a house, Bret randomly showed up with a turkey and tried to hit on her. Julie found it amusing and asked him if Cynthia knew he was there. Bret tried to make a move on her but Julie made it clear that won't happen so Bret left. As he left, he told Julie, "I still have cravings for you and I'm not sure I'll ever get over them." To which Julie just cooly responded with, "You will."
After Bret left that day, Julie called his assistant who confirmed that Cynthia was literally on a plane back to Italy right then. Julie laughed at how pathetic it was for Bret to say goodbye to Cynthia and then an hour or two later, show up at Julie's with a turkey and looking for sex.
Bret secretly married Cynthia and months later told the kids after the fact. Their son Blade was so furious he could barely speak to Julie when he got home and eventually blurted out, "Dad married that girl!" Their other son Dallas was also furious and explained how Bret callously told the kids "tell your mom, make sure you tell your mom." He was clearly trying to hurt Julie and used the kids to do so.
When Bret was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame in 2006, Julie insisted on going and told Bret if he doesn't find a way for her to be there, then she would call Vince McMahon herself and arrange it. Bret promised her she would be there but asked her to be discreet about it.
Julie got asked to do an online interview leading up to the Hall of Fame, and she let slip that she would be at the show to support Bret. Later, an irate Bret called her, yelling about how she was supposed to be discreet. Julie clued in on the fact that Bret didn't tell his new wife yet about Julie coming and now he was in hot water. In the end, Bret refused to allow Julie to come to the Hall of Fame to support him.
In Bret's Hall of Fame speech, he just talked about his new wife and how Cynthia was there for him after his stroke and just put her over big. He didn't mention Julie and only mentioned 2 of his 4 children. She says her children were extremely hurt by this and calls it the ultimate betrayal.
Julie started running low on money in 2008 and even attempted to be on a reality show. It was all a BS scam though and she had to invest money into it and eventually it all fell through. She speaks of this with a bit of shame while framing it as something she learned from.
Julie was facing bankruptcy and foreclosure on the house, so as a last resort, she called Bret. She asked him for 9 grand to cover 3 mortgage payments so she can sell the house. Bret chastised her for having money problems before ultimately saying no. He suggested that she rent the house out or have the kids pay rent. As they left, Julie warned him that if she loses the house, Bret may need to take the kids at him place. She doesn't say what he said to this, but she does say, "His response was too cruel to put into writing." Good lord, considering all she told so far, I wonder what Bret said that was so bad, Julie didn't want to even write it down?
Julie does point out that Bret didn't owe her a damn thing and she was in this situation by her own doing. Julie felt like she was letting her kids down most of all.
Julie would move in with her daughter Beans where they split the rent together. She got a job making $14/hour working as a janitor at a local middle school and Julie notes that she was living well below the poverty line.
Julie remembers how absurd it was for her to show up to her janitor job driving a Lexus.
Julie ended up selling her Lexus to her daughter Beans, and Julie bought herself a 1999 Sunfire. It was the first car she ever bought with her own money.
Julie's father died in 2012 and Julie says she wrote a letter to him, promising to make him proud, and stuffed it inside his coffin.
Julie says she spends most of her days being a grandma to Jade's daughter and how grateful she is to be close to her kids still.
Bret can't say the same, Julie notes how he travels alone or with his wife and never offers invites to his kids. She says it breaks her heart to see how far Bret drifted away from their children, even if all her kids insist that they don't care. This was in 2013, so potentially Bret and his kinds could have a better relationship by now.
Julie spends the last several pages of the book detailing her kids and all the ways she loves them. You can tell she is a mother first and foremost, you can tell she loves them unconditionally. Jade, Dallas, Beans and Blade, weird names for kids but I also have a weird name so I can't judge.

The Toymaker's Legions are the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Maestro being the show's parallel to Famine, the Third Horseman. Rather than plunging the world into a hunger for food, it was a hunger for music that ended the Human race. Next episode we will see a planet at war, possibly meeting the Pantheon's version of War, the Second Horseman. In the penultimate episode, the Legend of Ruby Sunday, we will learn that Ruby is the Pantheon's First Horseman, Conquest. The figure that we see in the Church on Ruby Road is Death, the fourth Horseman, following the Doctor while she disguises herself as a Human woman, Susan Triad.
Despite how in your face it is, I am genuinely really interested in whoever "The one who waits" is. We can only assume that Maestro did all this to get back at the Doctor, or at the very least Earth, for what happened to the Toymaker. This makes their mention of "the one who waits" at the end all the more confusing. In "The Giggle", the Toymaker explicitly mentions this secret villain as something already in the universe, someone playing a separate "game" from the Toymaker. He was our introduction to the character but his exact words made it sound like they were disconnected. Now we have Maestro drawing a direct connection between the two, making it seem like "the one who waits" is a member of this new "Pantheon".
I have a theory that "The One who Waits" is Death itself, but I should start with the Horseman I feel most confident about, Maestro as Famine. Maestro fits much of the profile of the version of Famine in the Greek version of the story. In that version, Famine is the Greek god Limos, the gender-less god of Famine that could curse individuals with never ending hunger. Maestro also having a child named "Harbinger" would make more sense given the Horsemen act as "harbingers" of the divine apocalypse. While I think we will likely see the Russell T Davies version of War soon, this still leaves Conquest/Pestilence and Death. Conquest has sometimes been portrayed as the "antichrist", and Death is basically the Grim Reaper.
I will mention that its possible the Toymaker is the show’s version of War, given that he puts the Human race at war with itself using the Giggle. What is war if not a game? His red suit and red petals very much match with War's Red Horse - the Toymaker's portal "Door" is red, just as Maestro's portal "Piano" was black matching Famine’s black horse.
The other line that stands out from Maestro is "could he have been there?" referring to a mysterious individual being present on the Christmas night where Ruby was left at the church. Coupled with the recovered memory of the cloaked figure from that night pointing at the Doctor, it makes me wonder if Ruby's "birth mother" is who Maestro was talking about. I had noticed on my first rewatch of Church that the 'flash-forward' at the beginning of the episode shows a different version of events than what we see at the end of the episode, when the Doctor saves Ruby from the Goblins. Its only a minor thing, but in the flash-forward we see a priest(?) come out of the Church and pick up Ruby before the Doctor arrives. In the later versions of events, the priest does not come out and instead the Goblins grab Ruby !after! the Doctor arrives. We see the cloaked figure walking away but the Doctor runs to the Church to save Ruby rather than pursue the supposed "mother". After saving the day and crashing an entire Goblin ship, the Doctor runs back to the TARDIS and suddenly the version of events from the beginning of the story begin, and magically the "mother" is walking away again, in the exact same place she was in minutes before when the Doctor arrived.
So far, we have seen the Doctor be aware of "Mavity" and "Rubathon Blue", but both companions were oblivious to the sudden changing of history. Is it possible this same thing has happened to the Doctor, but in reverse for once? Time was changed and he missed it, now completely oblivious to the change? The strange repeat of events in TCORR was the Doctor settling back into the timeline, fixing the Goblin's intervention but at the expense of pursuing Ruby's "mother". Is it possible that everything we see in the episode is a 'second go', the version of the new history after the Doctor initially travels to that Christmas? It was never fully established why the Doctor was following Ruby - was the Doctor feeling pulled to her because he sensed he knew her, and the Goblins just happened to be there? The Goblins did keep him from going after the cloaked figure, a distraction to prevent the confrontation that led to time being reset. The confrontation we see in Space Babies, which came with magical snow as a warning to remind him not to get curious. This season does end with "The Empire of Death", and this may be far more literal than anyone anticipated if the cloaked figure truly represents "Death".
Susan Twist's character, Susan Triad, is the most interesting mystery this season. It appears that she will appear in every episode this season, appearing in the last three episodes and is on the cast list for Boom. It's generally known now that she is 'Susan Triad', founder of 'Triad Technologies'. It is very unclear what role she plays in the over arching narrative, but many have assumed she is a villain. I admit I think she is going to be an antagonist as well, but nothing I've seen justifies, specifically, why she was with Sir Isaac Newton. Her first appearance is the craziest of them all, appearing BEFORE the Doctor drew the line of sand, and Ruby Sunday was not present (every appearance since this one has Ruby within the scene). It would almost seem like Susan has been present every time the Doctor changes history, with Space Babies being the only arguable exception. Its not lost on me that the Devil's chord was a Tri-tone, and the series big bad(?) is a Tri-ad. Her request for Ruby to play Gaudete is once again another biblical reference, this time it being a song about rejoicing at the coming of Christ. It seems she is tied to Ruby in some way, and everything in my eyes points to being a part of the Pantheon, whether she really is>! Sutekh (Susan Triad Technologies, Sue-tech) , or possibly Sutekh's child ala Harbinger!< , or some other god entirely. I think that Russell is really dangling all the "Susan" he can in front of the audience, and if he really is bringing Granddaughter Susan back then she's far more likely to be Mrs. Flood rather than the obvious "Susan Twist". Twist did say "that's me, Margaret Lockwood in The Wicked Lady" during her appearance in the Devil's Chord, referring to Margaret Lockwood’s character “Barbara Skelton”who donned a cloak and mask to conceal her identity, much like Ruby's "mother" does.
As I mentioned before, the first Horseman, Conquest, is often identified with the Holy Spirit or the Antichrist. If all of this connects to Ruby somehow (as the show continues to remind us), it makes sense to me that she may be taking on that role of the Toymaker's Antichrist, her foundling nature being without mortal parents is itself very Christ-like. It has been theorized that the Doctor would revert from Timelord to whatever his original species was if he were to open the chameleon arch fob watch containing all the Timeless Child stuff. If Russell is indeed putting the Doctor and Ruby in the same position to explore the foundling revelation, its possible Ruby was "chameleon arched" into a Human baby and dropped off at the Church, and her story arc becomes deciding between returning to what she was, or continuing as who she is. The snow in the TARIDS at the end of Space Babies suggested that her biology was triggering time's alarm, requiring an immersive warning to be sent to the Doctor.
This is all just based on vibes I got while watching the latest two episodes, but it feels like it could be too much like "Good Omens". If anything, I imagine the horsemen story realistically could have been a minor source of inspiration, but the story will deviate heavily as we see things play out.