tl;tr what is my life (Leaving note at the top of my post cause post is too long lol) Note 1: Didn't expect for the post to be that long. I apologize for any grammatical errors or incoherences, don't have the energy to read proof everything, took me almost 4 hours to write.
Note 2: Before you guys suggest therapy. I do believe in mental health and always wanted to go see a therapist but you hear a lot of horror stories about therapists where I live. Like a friend of mine went to see one at one point and he literally told her "you are too dramatic and you are lying. There is no way you feel the way you say you do". Plus even if I manage to find a good one they are expensive as fuck.
Note 3: Moving out isn't a solution either at the moment cause can't afford it. Plus it is hard to find somewhere to rent as a fairly young bachelor in a conservative country plus if they do rent to young people the apartments are usually falling apart, they over charge and you would end up with like 7 other roommates in a 3 bedrooms apartment.
I don't really know where to start since it is 1 am where I live and I am exhausted. But yeah, basically I think that I might not be a good person? that I might be a bit of an asshole and also a loser? I am not sure.
The situation that I am facing right now is that I am 29, jobless, 5 years into my PhD that i wanted to quit for a while now, live with my mom and aunt (I live in a place when it is normal for someone to live with their parents or family in their 20s or 30s, people usually only move out if they either get married or their job isn't close to where their parents live). I am really unhappy with my life, with how I usually handle things and with how I turned out.
I graduated university at 23, got my first job as a phone repair technician few months after graduating, got pressured into doing a PhD but at the same time I was like "why not?". Wasn't a fan of my job anyway and I haven't heard from the couple of interviews I have been to. I was excited to start doing academic research actually, but as soon as I got accepted things started going downhill. Our lab director passed away before we got assigned out subjects and supervisors, then COVID lock down, my dad passed away from COVID, my supervisor retired and I got assigned a new one that is clueless, they wouldn't let me stay at the dorms during my third year cause "of the volume of new students they received that year" according to them, decided to teach a class during the first semester of last year so I would have to stay close to our lab that entire time. I didn't make much progress. Nowadays I feel burnt out and I stopped trying. When people ask me about my PhD I lie and tell them that I am almost done. I have been to quite a few job interview during the past few years but they never called back. Had some projects in mind that were good business ideas imo but whenever I started I would never go through with them cause of the stress PhD is causing me. Never been good under pressure.
As for my relationships, I will start with my parents. We have had my fair-chair of big and small arguments in my teen and adult years, but I have always had a good relationship with them and I loved them. Now, since my dad passed away my mom, sister and I became really close (or closer than we already were). Then my aunt moved in with us a little while after that (due to some personal stuff), everything was good and well at first but the thing is I live in a conservative country, in a very conservative city and my aunt is super old school and she got an influence over my mom who has become super controlling which caused some friction between us for the past few years but especially during the past year and it has gotten worse during the past couple of days (well I wouldn't put the issue entirely on her cause my mom has always nosy and controlling but she would stop if you talked to her). Now when I say controlling and nosy I mean she is trying to control everything even what I wear, and whenever I am talking to the phone she always comes into my room to know who I am talking to. Sometimes she acts like she is disciplining a 15 yo and not talking to a grown man. I have always given up a small part of my independence since my parents were sheltering me, I have had a couple of friends telling me I shouldn't when we were younger and I was always like "nah, it's fine". Well now that I am trying to get 100% of my independence and autonomy back and receiving a big push back I am starting to understand what they meant.
Now to my friends. Well, I should start by saying that during my teen years I did have friends but I had a lot of difficulties connecting with people or knowing how to react during social situations which also lead to me being bullied quite a lot up until I was around 19/20. During my uni years and early 20s things have gotten better all of a sudden, I was less shy, it was easier to talk to people and to know how to react to different situations, it was easier to make new friend and my relationships with the couple of friends I made during middle school and high school was great. Even my old bullies became respectful and would stop for a chat whenever they saw me. It got me thinking "maybe that's how it is like to turn into an adult" at some point. Now I have made quite a few friends from a couple of groups I hang out with, and I like to think that I am pretty close to most of them or at least was. The thing is that over the years some of them either criticize my quirks or tease me which I always thought was fine, I would either answer them back jokingly, take their criticism seriously and try to work on myself depending on what the quirk is or just ignore them. The problem is that over the year some of my friends have started to either take themselves or their teasing too far. Sometimes it just feels like they are walking over me. Like that one friend who always lectures me "about being a grown ass man" (and in a mean way might I add, he literally screams at me) just because I haven't seen him while outside, because I only drive inside our town (because I am not that good of a driver, I used to get extreme anxiety just being behind a wheel)(he lectured me 3 times during the same day last month and 2 of them was in front of mutual friends) or that one time he berated me about something that I thought so stupid that I made a joke and his literal answer was "shut the fuck up and listen to me when I am talking to you, I am older than you (by 2 months), I have more experience than you (cause he moved abroad) and I know better than you". Or when that group of friends that tried to catfish me at one point (they did a very bad job btw). Or that other friend that does fucked up shit or says hurtful things and his out of jail card is literally "it was just a prank bro". Like whenever I tell him the smoke from his cigarettes his bothering me he literally blows smoke on my face, or that time he threw a lit cigarette butt on me and it ruined my pants, or when we were complaining about or PhDs (he used to be a PhD student) and he told me "you stagnating so you wish for people to go backwards so it would feel like you are making progress" or that time were he told a mutual acquaintance that "I was a simp"(which I am lol) and that "I stuck to girls like glue". And sure enough whenever I stop talking to him his response would be "it was just a joke", or when I loaned him money cause he had money issues few years back he has promised me several times that he would pay me back after he gets paid for jobs he is doing but then when I ask him again he is like "Why didn't you ask me 2 days ago I used it to pay back few debts. You are the only debt I have left.". He has done the same thing over the past few years and given me the exact same answer each time. Until, I told him last year that it was okay if he didn't pay me back cause he had to loan a big amount to pay for his parents' rent .
Now I am not sure the way I respond to those situations is the healthiest. My go to strategy is to just go home and not talk to them for a while. The most recent example is from last weeks. I have a friend that always asks me to download softwares for him, to install them and set them up. Honestly I didn't mind it at first but he does it so often that it has become annoying and it feels like I can't refuse cause he always says "if I am bothering you that is okay", plus whenever he sits next to me while I work on his PC he goes on rants I don't want to hear about. Anyway, he is a PhD student and he asked me to help him with a paper he is working on cause it is overlapping with my field, I didn't mind. Then, he called me the other day and asked if I could meet him immediately, I accepted (to be fair to him he did ask me if I was going to take a lot of time to arrive, I answered with "no" then it did take me 25 minutes more than it should have) and when I called him to tell him I was almost there he answered with "are you kidding me? I don't have time", I just hang up before he could finish his sentence and went back home. Or two voice messages I impulsively sent yesterday cause I was really upset and needed to let my anger out one way or another. The first one was to the "it was just a prank, bro" dude, I lent him some more money few months ago that he promised he would pay back by the end of 2023 and still hasn't. The message went like this "give me back my money or I will kick you in the balls and break your nose" (it sounded cooler in my language lol. And I want to add that he would definitely win in a fight. ). It wasn't about the money I was just tired of him and would get upset every-time I would think about the way he is treating me. Then I followed up with another message calling him a parasite. The second one was to the dude who always berates me. Despite the way he treats he considers me as a best friend, so I have been thinking about sending him a message for the past 2 weeks explaining to him that I didn't like the way he treated me. But because I was angry the message went like this "Go fuck yourself, and fuck your so called advice. You are just trying to enforce some random criteria you have made up on me. Let me give you the same advice you give me, you are a 30 yo man so it would be about time you came back to reality and to close your asshole (which is a rude way of saying you have got a big head in my language). Also shut the fuck up.". Needless to say that he was confused and tried to call me and left me like 2 voice messages that I ignored (cause I wasn't feeling like hearing from anyone) and a screenshot from his note app saying that he was sorry that I felt that way and that he considered me like a good friend and that I was a good guy (I haven't read everything). He probably tried to contact me today, but I can't be sure cause I spent the entire day messing with my phone and installing different ROMS (OS). But yeah, I received an SMS from him few hours ago saying that he was going to press charge for "defamation and mental distress " (I think that is the correct translation), which I thought was ridiculous plus he is not the kind to press charges. But then, he has people in his life that he respects a lot and if they advised him to he would definitely do it. Plus he used the number he uses when he comes to our country to text me, on the other hand the country he is at is close enough that he could just text me from that number. I mean I think it would be ridiculous to press charges for that voice mail lol, but again some stupid law got voted few months ago that if you were caught cussing that could cause you up to 6 months of jail, and I definitely cussed. Oh and he also followed with "we obviously don't deal with conflicts the same way. There is the dirty way then there is the smart way" (Again not sure about the translation so I am using the literal one). When I saw it I was like "there is no way I am not ignoring you now"
If you managed to read the whole thing I thank you, I feel a lot better, I mean it still feels like the earth is about to swallow me whole but I still weirdly feel calm about it lol.

Sorry. This is one of my dirty ones. But you get the general idea. It’s a light weight material. Snags easy. Holds in odor. No need to tuck in since the logo is on the bottom as well. There is no long sleeve version. We just wore black long sleeve underneath or the fleece jacket provided with it during the winter.

This question is a 2 and 2 halves parter
Part 1: Has anyone ever looked into Splash Fabric?
It’s supposed to be a nontoxic water resistant cloth, like for a tablecloth. It’s laminated cotton: “100% cotton with a water based polyurethane coating.”
https://splashfabric.com/pages/not-your-grandmas-oilcloth
The website says it’s eco friendly and non toxic and that it’s Oeko-Tex certified. So if it’s Oeko-Tex certified, then presumably it’s safe for humans. Even if that’s true, would it shed microplastics? It’s supposed to be machine washable.
Part 1 and a half: I’ve seen Oeko-Tex on a lot of things since I started looking for plastic free stuff. Is it trustworthy?
Part 1 and another half: while searching for answers I came across two sisters ecotextiles
https://www.twosistersecotextiles.com/pages/are-not-all-fabrics-safe#:~:text=The%20fabrics%20we%20bring%20into,some%20absorb%20through%20our%20skin.
And they’re telling me that stuff listed as 100% cotton can be more like 73% cotton and 27% sht. I also saw someone in this sub say something about 100% wool stuff being treated with a ton of sht they don’t disclose. So how do I know what anything is?? Are there trustworthy brands and/or certifications anyone here typically uses? How do you decide what to trust?
Part 2: The whole point of this rabbit hole is to find a surface to cover my stove. I often go down rabbit holes finding really complicated solutions for things and completely missing a simple solution that I would like better, so I’m just gonna explain my use case and see if anyone has an idea I’d like better.
So I currently live in an apartment with a built in microwave above the stove. This is usually the case anywhere I live. I cook very infrequently but use the microwave all the time and I’m tired of accidentally making a mess of the stove while I’m dealing with the microwave and also tired of not having a flat working surface under the microwave.
My solution: put a wood cutting board under the microwave. Most options the size I want seem to be bad quality or super expensive. So I found some nice wooden cutting boards on IKEA that are the perfect size to have two side by side on the stove. (Don’t worry about safety, I don’t have the pilot light type of stove and I’m going to remove the knobs to prevent accidentally turning on the gas. The knobs will be nearby for when I need them. Or I’ll get safety covers or something. Tell me if this is a dumb idea and I’m still being unsafe please.)
Great, now I have nice cutting boards which I will also use very infrequently but are good to have. But now I have another surface to worry about dirtying and a potential gap in between the boards for food to fall into and make a mess on the stove. The idea of having to maintain the wood with oil or something stresses me out but I like the idea of having cutting boards when I need them and glass feels unwieldy, so I figured I’d stick with the boards and see if I could find a water resistant tablecloth type material, hence the question about Splash Fabric. I figure I could get a few pieces of fabric the size I want and use them on the stove or anywhere I need to protect a surface and I can just put them in the wash when I need to. And they’d be multipurpose.
So that’s where I’m at now. Thanks for visiting the inside of my brain.
Let me know any thoughts you want to share, thank you.
TLDR: splash fabric microplastics???
Also coincidentally someone just posted asking about cutting boards. I happened to find a helpful page though I haven’t fact checked it.
https://healthyhouseontheblock.com/non-toxic-cutting-boards.html#

Hello All,
Been DM'ing this group for years, and I'm struggling to challenge them adequately. They just hit level 13, and most encounters that aren't full-on boss battles are trivial.
I want to be more creative, but I need some inspiration - can you give me your best ideas?
Premise: the party needs to infiltrate the domain of an Archfey. The domain is actually home to two of the PCs, and everyone involved is actually an ally. But there is a corruption at the heart of the domain they need to clear out, and no one else will believe them/will try to stop them.
The Plan: two of the members will sneak to where they need to go. I have plans for them, all good. The other three members of the party are going to "kidnap" a willing NPC, who is a high-member of the archfey's court. The idea is to provoke a chase from the guards and creatures to allow Team Sneaky time to do what they need to do.
THE CHALLENGE: How do I make a chase sequence interesting for high-level characters? Essentially the Wild Hunt is after them, so I want it to be powerful and hard. But I don't want it to be a bunch of contested skill challenges and then we are done. Can you give me suggestions (both narrative ideas and mechanical ones) for what being chased by the Wild Hunt would look like? Team Kidnapping is a Druid who is very creative/strong understanding of the rules + Paladin + Sorcadin (who are more average).
Give me your best, most dirty DM tricks!

(24F) From winning academic competitions in high school, to ranking 11th in a class of 1000 without trying (felt like a sham), to scoring a 1510 on my SAT with a vague idea of what would be on it prior to sitting, to graduating magna cum laude with a B.S. in mathematics, minors in French and economics, and research and leadership roles under my belt (while balancing a bad 🍃 habit), etc., I can confidently say that academic success came with ease. I’ve been working to save up for grad school. Thus far, I’m doing well in my job. I’m taking on new projects, all of which lie outside of my immediate job description. I’m taking over the roles of my superiors when they’re out. Good stuff.
But OH MY GOD. Off paper, I’m a mess. Typing this out, I see 7 fast food bags from the past couple of months sitting in my immediate vicinity. Grocery bags litter the floor. There’s a month + old tortilla chip bag right in front of me. I’m not sure when I last showered. I have months of unopened mail piling up on my table. Dirty dishes get reused throughout the week. I don’t eat nearly enough. The only things I’m good about doing habitually are brushing my teeth, flossing, and doing laundry. I have been struggling to study for exam FM (sitting in august) because I don’t find it interesting. I am supposed to be studying in the small amount of free time I have before and after work (or cleaning, quite frankly), but I’ve been writing a blog about the American tendency toward political extremism in recent years.
I was diagnosed at 21 and recently resumed medication (took me 1.5 years to see a doctor). With medication, studying has become easier, and I can SEE all of my immediate issues with cleanliness. But I can’t force myself to DO anything about it. I was told I’d be a lawyer, engineer, doctor, etc., but I’m living like a guy who spends all of his time on 4chan and pisses in Mountain Dew bottles.
Please tell me I’m not alone.

Replaced entire clutch system and hydrualic system (slave, master, new clutch line) at local shop.
POST INSTALL 1000 miles - fluid looks cloudy and dirty, vibration in clutch pedal present - shop says it's the parts...
2500 miles post install. Eventually loss of clutch pressure occurred on wide-open throttle (pedal would sink to floor-pressure returns seconds later).
3500 miles post install, grinding noise heard outside when releasing pedal after changing gears+pedal vibration. Also grinding noise from outside trans area occurs and becomes increasingly difficult to switch gear and put into gear when driving above 2500rpm. Clutch Master Cylinder reservoir has loss of fluid.
3500 miles- I went and had the Fluid flushed again with a different shop, had new clutch line put in since they said mine was rusty. Pedal feels great and strong. Good to go for now.... vibrations in pedal still present BUT I can WOT all day no problem.. 500 miles later, more grinding noise heard outside coming from trans area when letting off clutch after gear change. Can't WOT without problems now, can't drive above 2500rpm with issues being intensified. Now can't get into reverse- it's impossible. First is very difficult takes 7-8 tries feels very hard to get it in when it goes. Fluid looks dirty again 700 miles after fluid flush- but no loss of fluid.
Any idea for solution? Has the CSC been contaminated from dirty fluid? Pressure plate not on right? What's going on...multiple problems here
I've ordered ALL new parts. The slave is located inside the trans- should I just replace everything?
​

got a cm 400 and rode it for a couple months just going to and from work and finally decided to check up on it (shouldve done it when i got it honestly) i found it was low oil and the oil was dirty as hell and the compression was super low (120 psi should be 170 most of it leaking through the rings) so i pulled the vavles out and serviced them and got a little better compression so now im waiting on time to get the rings fixed
QUESTIONS
the bike has 13000 miles on it and the valve stems and cam bearings looked almost brand new with very little wear so how could the rings be that worn they also dont smoke at all could it be that the low oil has more effect on the rings than on anything else. either way im just going to replace them but in the mean time im planning on rejetting the carbs a couple sizes smaller to make up for the lower compression is this a good idea ?

I’m looking for advice from SPED teachers, or any teacher who’s had experience with violent students.
This is my first year being an elementary Para 2 (meaning I’m qualified to assist children with more duties than a Para 1, such as toileting issues). I took the job as a Para 1, and on the second day of ‘admin week’ before school actually started, my principal asked me if I wanted to help a girl in a wheelchair (literally in passing…she was walking past me in the hallway and didn’t even stop walking when she asked). Of course I said yes because I mean…who would say no? However, I didn’t know what to expect. I had no idea it was to assist with toileting and I was given no training. I was happy to do it anyway and learned on the way because the little girl was a delight. She ended up leaving school in February to be home schooled. Throughout this time, my principal has called me to assist with multiple students who’ve had accidents. I had no idea this was part of my job because, again, admin/HR never sent me training or resources or even a brief email on what to expect. I feel like I’m the scapegoat for dirty work sometimes which is not a great feeling but I’ve learned to just deal with it for the most part.
Here’s my problem:
There’s this young student who I’ve had to assist a couple times last semester with toileting, but the number of accidents has increased to every single day since March. Sometimes twice a day. Always #2. Apparently this is in his IEP but I’m not sure how or why considering he’s never really had this problem much before. Whatever, it’s fine! What’s not fine is that he’s violent. He bites, kicks, pinches, and is verbally aggressive. Let me repeat, I’ve had no training whatsoever, including restraint training. Sometimes he’s so aggressive, the principal and VP will just shove him in the bathroom with me and lock me in there with him. He’ll bite, kick, scream, and takes me sometimes 30 minutes to de-escalate the situation enough to let me clean him up. In the last month, the nurse alone has written 6 accident reports of him biting and assaulting other students. Just the nurse! I have no idea how many his actual teacher has reported. Parents of other students have complained about him to the district as well. SPED is trying to get him removed from the school to a school or program more suited to his needs but apparently there’s not enough data for the district to approve this. And evidently this kid passed his psych evaluation “with flying colors.”
The last couple of weeks, he’s been assigned a 1:1 para (not me) who does not assist with toileting but basically acts as a babysitter to keep him away from other students. This para is leaving next year and I’m terrified it’s going to be me as his 1:1 and I desperately don’t want to be in this position.
My question to you is how do I bring this up to admin? Can I ask to demote myself? Do I go to the SPED lead first? I have considered quitting and I’d be okay with that but I love working with other students in small groups and enjoy the schedule and benefits of working with the school.
Thank you for any advice you can offer!

Hi everyone. I have an 11 year old Samsung RF263TEAESR. Lately I've noticed that it's not staying cold enough (the drinks weren't as cold as normal). Once I noticed the problem I lowered the fridge temp to 34 degrees, just to see if that made a difference - I'm not sure if it did.
I put a fridge thermometer in there and it's been staying around 42-44. If I turn on the power cool mode it'll drop to 38, but only while power cool is running.
I took off the evaporator cover to inspect the coils and fan. The fan operates fine, and the voltage is around 11.3V when running on high speed. The coils were not frozen solid, nor were they dirty.
However, I did notice what appear to be burn marks and melted electrical tape.
I can handle basic appliance repair if I'm following a guide - swapping out heating elements, fuses, sensors, etc. Any ideas what might be going on? Think it's cost effective to fix it?
Thanks!

First of all, Don't judge me please. I know I'm not perfect but at least I'm trying to become better. Maybe for some of you all this might seem very easy to do but not for me. It seems like a real challenge. Meanwhile there's other skills which seem easy for me and not for others.
My current sleep schedule thing is a pretty serious problem because it made me often late to university and I have bad grades now. So I don't even know how in the hell I'll be able to apply to work properly if I'll be late literally all the time.
It's even worse because I'm very sensitive to sleep and whenever I really haven't slept well I just feel horrible.
And if I'm late now and I sleep badly now, when I actually have a lot of free time this year, imagine how this might be much worse whenever I'm at work? That's why I'm afraid to work and I feel like I'm unable to be independent. And it's not for a lack of trying!
So I'll explain how we got to that point and how exactly my sleep schedule became so messed up.
When I was in high school, this wasn't the case. Well, I lived with my mom and she always watched me so that I went to sleep and woke up at the time needed. Also, we had a school bus only at one specific hour, so I couldn't have missed it. I had a semi regular sleep schedule.
Then came corona, and also first programming university, then one year of wandering around, and now languages university. A lot of things changed, but it seemed like it all became much more chaotic and disorganised. The timetables literally changed every week, half of the classes were online, and the teachers and other classmates didn't care at all about where you've been, unlike in high school. Also, ratings and important info was on the email instead of on a specific dedicated website. I was very used to the high school organisation and first followed it through university, including with workbooks for each course, but became less and less organised as time went on, because other people in my class weren't that organised, they even saw my organisation as strange, and also, all the stuff that I've cited, like the timetables, definitely didn't help in any organisation. Also, I started losing motivation and feeling dreaded and resentful, so I ended up going to sleep late, waking up late, and not even caring anymore.
Anyway, now, a few years have passed but this problem hasn't become better.
And it's not for a lack of trying! I know this is a serious issue and I did try to change my habits. But it really seems kinda impossible.
First of all, there's some reasons which aren't specific to sleep. Like for example, sometimes I wake up at night because I need to go to the bathroom. I know this isn't really my fault, nor a self discipline thing, and I definitely should and would see a doctor over this. (But unfortunately, tbh, sometimes I see a lot of doctors and I feel like no one ever helps me. Don't know of it's true but that's how I feel unfortunately).
Also another thing. I don't always eat regularly.
That's because I live alone now, and also because I try to eat good food, cook at home, and eat vegetarian, instead of just eating fast food, but the thing is, everything is very expensive, and sometimes I don't have the time and motivation to cook, so sometimes I don't even have anything to eat. It's not always a problem but sometimes it definitely is.
I was taught how to make specific dishes but it's not a skill I really master that much.
I think it's really not a great things because it definitely screwed up my sleep schedule too.
Sometimes it's also too hot or too cold and I hope it won't be that much of an issue this summer, but honestly, I'm really scared. Hopefully the cold showers, window blinds and fans will make it bearable.
Because I'm very sensitive to all that. Heat, cold, food, etc. I'm also very sensitive to sleep too. I definitely need go sleep to be able to act like a functioning adult.
But now some other reasons. Leaving that alone.
Let's take this week for example.
I definitely did try to go to sleep and wake up at good hours.
Two days ago, I tried going to sleep at 22 hours, but I simply couldn't. I wasn't able to sleep. I was in the bed for an hour, tried to sleep as much as I can. But I was unable to. As a result, after minutes wandering this way, I opened up my phone. I ended up learning about some historic event and installing some new program that made my phone work faster.
I only managed to go asleep at 2 hours in the morning.
Now, people will tell me that I shouldn't use my phone in the evening. But imagine if you feel horrible, you try to go to sleep but you can't, and you want to go to the toilet at every second. Should I really do nothing in all that time?
And also, my phone also can help me go to sleep, because I can listen to calm music that could relax me and make me able to very fastly go to sleep. Especially if I'm stressed and tired.
But anyway, I went asleep at 2:00. I thought it wasn't a big deal because I didn't have school the next day. But I still unfortunately woke up too early, like at 8:00, because of my cats.
And the people here would definitely say that it's a good thing. But was it? I felt really terrible all day. And BTW, when I sleep terribly it's actually much harder for me to concentrate and resist temptations. I feel really horrible, I want to sleep, I don't wanna do anything. As a result, I haven't done that much that day, actually. That's why tbh I sometimes prefer sleeping well even if I'm late to somewhere because at least I'll be able to do something, and also feel amazing, otherwise, I literally feel like a zombie that hates life.
But another thing is that me not sleeping well one day doesn't necessarily guarantee me sleeping much better the other day. Many people here say that you need to force yourself to wake up late even if you feel horrible because it'll automatically become better the next day. But it's absolutely not working for me.
The thing is that when you haven't slept well you're tired, that's true. But it doesn't automatically imply that it's very easy to go to sleep.
Often times I have a weird dilemma. Should I directly go to sleep because I feel very tired but I'm sometimes unable to because I feel dirty? Or should I rather go to the shower first, but this shower will inevitably remove my tiredness? Sometimes it's even more ridiculous, with me being on minutes on my phone the evening (because I feel tired and am easily distracted and it's hard for me to do anything), and then feeling that I have to go to the toilet which makes me not want to sleep anymore. Or should I not go there and directly go to sleep? That's an even worse idea.
Ah yeah why am I on my phone? Well if for example my stomach hurts am I really supposed to only be in the toilet without a phone? I really feel like I'm hours in the toilet sometimes because my stomach hurts!
But anyway. What happened next? Even tho I didn't go to sleep that late I still haven't managed to recover. I slept 8 hours, but that's it, not 10 hours needed to fully recover. Yeah it was so amazing waking up the best day!
And then the next day I ended up feeling really tired and terrible. Very very tired. So I ended up taking a nap. But the thing is that because of that nap (from 16:00 to 19:00), I haven't managed to go to sleep at 22:00 either, nor even at 0:00. Only at 3 hours! And was it my fault?
Should I have forced myself to not take a nap and only go to sleep properly at 22h? I've tried this strategy too a couple of times. First of all, this means the day is effectively ruined because I'm unable to do anything. But secondly, what actually happens?
Sometimes, my body still feels like 22h is a nap. So I end up waking up at 2 in the morning and not able to asleep anymore either.
Other times, I end up sleeping the whole night, but only like 8 hours or less, and not enough to both sleep well this day and recover from the previous one (therefore like 10 hours). This happened to me a lot of times, and the best day, I felt horrible. I didn't feel like going asleep but overall lacked all the energy I needed.
So what exactly should I do?
And that's also forgetting that I'm also very easily distracted. Sometimes I want to go to sleep at 22 hours but then look at some video or some new Reddit community and my brain feels very excited and I can't think of anything else. Maybe it is because of the phone but also when I was a child I had the same problem with books, so it's more of an ADHD issue, and not something that I can easily remove by getting rid of the phone, as if it was that simple.
Another thing is that it seems like today, literally everything takes up too much time for me. Whenever I'm in the toilet, or I eat, or I go out. Is it because of my phone? Maybe. But the thing is that it's not that easy to give up my phone when I don't have such an active life outside of my phone. Even if I try to. And also sometimes I feel like I try to be very fast but am unable to. Especially if I want to go to the bathroom at some moment. I don't know why and how all this happens. I guess this autism thing definitely doesn't help.
I really need 8 hours of sleep. Maybe not literally every night but at least most of the time. And preferably these 8 hours shouldn't be from 4:00 to 12:00, especially if I actually want to study and work properly.
Don't forget please, I have autism (basically here it seems to manifest in a similar way as ADHD) so it makes all that much harder unfortunately.
Anyway, please, I hope you guys will actually give me sound advice and I'll be able to follow it, because for now I just feel like I'm literally unable to and as if I'm disabled and will forever be late everywhere to any job.
I also feel like literally nobody is able to help me and no one even cares about me. Instead people constantly only criticise me as being egoistic and not serious. And shame me for using the phone. That's it.
Doctors tell me there's nothing wrong with me but sometimes I absolutely feel there's many things very wrong with me. Otherwise I'll be a functioninf adult.
I guess I shouldn't feel so bad about myself because while my schedule is absolutely disorganised, at least I don't have other problems, for example I never drank or smoked, so I shouldn't feel that bad about myself. But still this is a very serious problem.
But anyway, please give me some detailed advice and some specific things that might actually help. Maybe some YouTube tutorials even.

First of all, Don't judge me please. I know I'm not perfect but at least I'm trying to become better. Maybe for some of you all this might seem very easy to do but not for me. It seems like a real challenge. Meanwhile there's other skills which seem easy for me and not for others.
My current sleep schedule thing is a pretty serious problem because it made me often late to university and I have bad grades now. So I don't even know how in the hell I'll be able to apply to work properly if I'll be late literally all the time.
It's even worse because I'm very sensitive to sleep and whenever I really haven't slept well I just feel horrible.
And if I'm late now and I sleep badly now, when I actually have a lot of free time this year, imagine how this might be much worse whenever I'm at work? That's why I'm afraid to work and I feel like I'm unable to be independent. And it's not for a lack of trying!
So I'll explain how we got to that point and how exactly my sleep schedule became so messed up.
When I was in high school, this wasn't the case. Well, I lived with my mom and she always watched me so that I went to sleep and woke up at the time needed. Also, we had a school bus only at one specific hour, so I couldn't have missed it. I had a semi regular sleep schedule.
Then came corona, and also first programming university, then one year of wandering around, and now languages university. A lot of things changed, but it seemed like it all became much more chaotic and disorganised. The timetables literally changed every week, half of the classes were online, and the teachers and other classmates didn't care at all about where you've been, unlike in high school. Also, ratings and important info was on the email instead of on a specific dedicated website. I was very used to the high school organisation and first followed it through university, including with workbooks for each course, but became less and less organised as time went on, because other people in my class weren't that organised, they even saw my organisation as strange, and also, all the stuff that I've cited, like the timetables, definitely didn't help in any organisation. Also, I started losing motivation and feeling dreaded and resentful, so I ended up going to sleep late, waking up late, and not even caring anymore.
Anyway, now, a few years have passed but this problem hasn't become better.
And it's not for a lack of trying! I know this is a serious issue and I did try to change my habits. But it really seems kinda impossible.
First of all, there's some reasons which aren't specific to sleep. Like for example, sometimes I wake up at night because I need to go to the bathroom. I know this isn't really my fault, nor a self discipline thing, and I definitely should and would see a doctor over this. (But unfortunately, tbh, sometimes I see a lot of doctors and I feel like no one ever helps me. Don't know of it's true but that's how I feel unfortunately).
Also another thing. I don't always eat regularly.
That's because I live alone now, and also because I try to eat good food, cook at home, and eat vegetarian, instead of just eating fast food, but the thing is, everything is very expensive, and sometimes I don't have the time and motivation to cook, so sometimes I don't even have anything to eat. It's not always a problem but sometimes it definitely is.
I was taught how to make specific dishes but it's not a skill I really master that much.
I think it's really not a great things because it definitely screwed up my sleep schedule too.
Sometimes it's also too hot or too cold and I hope it won't be that much of an issue this summer, but honestly, I'm really scared. Hopefully the cold showers, window blinds and fans will make it bearable.
Because I'm very sensitive to all that. Heat, cold, food, etc. I'm also very sensitive to sleep too. I definitely need go sleep to be able to act like a functioning adult.
But now some other reasons. Leaving that alone.
Let's take this week for example.
I definitely did try to go to sleep and wake up at good hours.
Two days ago, I tried going to sleep at 22 hours, but I simply couldn't. I wasn't able to sleep. I was in the bed for an hour, tried to sleep as much as I can. But I was unable to. As a result, after minutes wandering this way, I opened up my phone. I ended up learning about some historic event and installing some new program that made my phone work faster.
I only managed to go asleep at 2 hours in the morning.
Now, people will tell me that I shouldn't use my phone in the evening. But imagine if you feel horrible, you try to go to sleep but you can't, and you want to go to the toilet at every second. Should I really do nothing in all that time?
And also, my phone also can help me go to sleep, because I can listen to calm music that could relax me and make me able to very fastly go to sleep. Especially if I'm stressed and tired.
But anyway, I went asleep at 2:00. I thought it wasn't a big deal because I didn't have school the next day. But I still unfortunately woke up too early, like at 8:00, because of my cats.
And the people here would definitely say that it's a good thing. But was it? I felt really terrible all day. And BTW, when I sleep terribly it's actually much harder for me to concentrate and resist temptations. I feel really horrible, I want to sleep, I don't wanna do anything. As a result, I haven't done that much that day, actually. That's why tbh I sometimes prefer sleeping well even if I'm late to somewhere because at least I'll be able to do something, and also feel amazing, otherwise, I literally feel like a zombie that hates life.
But another thing is that me not sleeping well one day doesn't necessarily guarantee me sleeping much better the other day. Many people here say that you need to force yourself to wake up late even if you feel horrible because it'll automatically become better the next day. But it's absolutely not working for me.
The thing is that when you haven't slept well you're tired, that's true. But it doesn't automatically imply that it's very easy to go to sleep.
Often times I have a weird dilemma. Should I directly go to sleep because I feel very tired but I'm sometimes unable to because I feel dirty? Or should I rather go to the shower first, but this shower will inevitably remove my tiredness? Sometimes it's even more ridiculous, with me being on minutes on my phone the evening (because I feel tired and am easily distracted and it's hard for me to do anything), and then feeling that I have to go to the toilet which makes me not want to sleep anymore. Or should I not go there and directly go to sleep? That's an even worse idea.
Ah yeah why am I on my phone? Well if for example my stomach hurts am I really supposed to only be in the toilet without a phone? I really feel like I'm hours in the toilet sometimes because my stomach hurts!
But anyway. What happened next? Even tho I didn't go to sleep that late I still haven't managed to recover. I slept 8 hours, but that's it, not 10 hours needed to fully recover. Yeah it was so amazing waking up the best day!
And then the next day I ended up feeling really tired and terrible. Very very tired. So I ended up taking a nap. But the thing is that because of that nap (from 16:00 to 19:00), I haven't managed to go to sleep at 22:00 either, nor even at 0:00. Only at 3 hours! And was it my fault?
Should I have forced myself to not take a nap and only go to sleep properly at 22h? I've tried this strategy too a couple of times. First of all, this means the day is effectively ruined because I'm unable to do anything. But secondly, what actually happens?
Sometimes, my body still feels like 22h is a nap. So I end up waking up at 2 in the morning and not able to asleep anymore either.
Other times, I end up sleeping the whole night, but only like 8 hours or less, and not enough to both sleep well this day and recover from the previous one (therefore like 10 hours). This happened to me a lot of times, and the best day, I felt horrible. I didn't feel like going asleep but overall lacked all the energy I needed.
So what exactly should I do?
And that's also forgetting that I'm also very easily distracted. Sometimes I want to go to sleep at 22 hours but then look at some video or some new Reddit community and my brain feels very excited and I can't think of anything else. Maybe it is because of the phone but also when I was a child I had the same problem with books, so it's more of an ADHD issue, and not something that I can easily remove by getting rid of the phone, as if it was that simple.
Another thing is that it seems like today, literally everything takes up too much time for me. Whenever I'm in the toilet, or I eat, or I go out. Is it because of my phone? Maybe. But the thing is that it's not that easy to give up my phone when I don't have such an active life outside of my phone. Even if I try to. And also sometimes I feel like I try to be very fast but am unable to. Especially if I want to go to the bathroom at some moment. I don't know why and how all this happens. I guess this autism thing definitely doesn't help.
Don't forget please, I have autism (basically here it seems to manifest in a similar way as ADHD) so it makes all that much harder unfortunately.
Anyway, please, I hope you guys will actually give me sound advice and I'll be able to follow it, because for now I just feel like I'm literally unable to and as if I'm disabled and will forever be late everywhere to any job.
I also feel like literally nobody is able to help me and no one even cares about me. Instead people constantly only criticise me as being egoistic and not serious. And shame me for using the phone. That's it.
Doctors tell me there's nothing wrong with me but sometimes I absolutely feel there's many things very wrong with me. Otherwise I'll be a functioninf adult.
I guess I shouldn't feel so bad about myself because while my schedule is absolutely disorganised, at least I don't have other problems, for example I never drank or smoked, so I shouldn't feel that bad about myself. But still this is a very serious problem.
But anyway, please give me some detailed advice and some specific things that might actually help. Maybe some YouTube tutorials even.

First of all, Don't judge me please. I know I'm not perfect but at least I'm trying to become better. Maybe for some of you all this might seem very easy to do but not for me. It seems like a real challenge. Meanwhile there's other skills which seem easy for me and not for others.
My current sleep schedule thing is a pretty serious problem because it made me often late to university and I have bad grades now. So I don't even know how in the hell I'll be able to apply to work properly if I'll be late literally all the time.
It's even worse because I'm very sensitive to sleep and whenever I really haven't slept well I just feel horrible.
And if I'm late now and I sleep badly now, when I actually have a lot of free time this year, imagine how this might be much worse whenever I'm at work? That's why I'm afraid to work and I feel like I'm unable to be independent. And it's not for a lack of trying!
So I'll explain how we got to that point and how exactly my sleep schedule became so messed up.
When I was in high school, this wasn't the case. Well, I lived with my mom and she always watched me so that I went to sleep and woke up at the time needed. Also, we had a school bus only at one specific hour, so I couldn't have missed it. I had a semi regular sleep schedule.
Then came corona, and also first programming university, then one year of wandering around, and now languages university. A lot of things changed, but it seemed like it all became much more chaotic and disorganised. The timetables literally changed every week, half of the classes were online, and the teachers and other classmates didn't care at all about where you've been, unlike in high school. Also, ratings and important info was on the email instead of on a specific dedicated website. I was very used to the high school organisation and first followed it through university, including with workbooks for each course, but became less and less organised as time went on, because other people in my class weren't that organised, they even saw my organisation as strange, and also, all the stuff that I've cited, like the timetables, definitely didn't help in any organisation. Also, I started losing motivation and feeling dreaded and resentful, so I ended up going to sleep late, waking up late, and not even caring anymore.
Anyway, now, a few years have passed but this problem hasn't become better.
And it's not for a lack of trying! I know this is a serious issue and I did try to change my habits. But it really seems kinda impossible.
First of all, there's some reasons which aren't specific to sleep. Like for example, sometimes I wake up at night because I need to go to the bathroom. I know this isn't really my fault, nor a self discipline thing, and I definitely should and would see a doctor over this. (But unfortunately, tbh, sometimes I see a lot of doctors and I feel like no one ever helps me. Don't know of it's true but that's how I feel unfortunately).
Also another thing. I don't always eat regularly.
That's because I live alone now, and also because I try to eat good food, cook at home, and eat vegetarian, instead of just eating fast food, but the thing is, everything is very expensive, and sometimes I don't have the time and motivation to cook, so sometimes I don't even have anything to eat. It's not always a problem but sometimes it definitely is.
I was taught how to make specific dishes but it's not a skill I really master that much.
I think it's really not a great things because it definitely screwed up my sleep schedule too.
Sometimes it's also too hot or too cold and I hope it won't be that much of an issue this summer, but honestly, I'm really scared. Hopefully the cold showers, window blinds and fans will make it bearable.
Because I'm very sensitive to all that. Heat, cold, food, etc. I'm also very sensitive to sleep too. I definitely need go sleep to be able to act like a functioning adult.
But now some other reasons. Leaving that alone.
Let's take this week for example.
I definitely did try to go to sleep and wake up at good hours.
Two days ago, I tried going to sleep at 22 hours, but I simply couldn't. I wasn't able to sleep. I was in the bed for an hour, tried to sleep as much as I can. But I was unable to. As a result, after minutes wandering this way, I opened up my phone. I ended up learning about some historic event and installing some new program that made my phone work faster.
I only managed to go asleep at 2 hours in the morning.
Now, people will tell me that I shouldn't use my phone in the evening. But imagine if you feel horrible, you try to go to sleep but you can't, and you want to go to the toilet at every second. Should I really do nothing in all that time?
And also, my phone also can help me go to sleep, because I can listen to calm music that could relax me and make me able to very fastly go to sleep. Especially if I'm stressed and tired.
But anyway, I went asleep at 2:00. I thought it wasn't a big deal because I didn't have school the next day. But I still unfortunately woke up too early, like at 8:00, because of my cats.
And the people here would definitely say that it's a good thing. But was it? I felt really terrible all day. And BTW, when I sleep terribly it's actually much harder for me to concentrate and resist temptations. I feel really horrible, I want to sleep, I don't wanna do anything. As a result, I haven't done that much that day, actually. That's why tbh I sometimes prefer sleeping well even if I'm late to somewhere because at least I'll be able to do something, and also feel amazing, otherwise, I literally feel like a zombie that hates life.
But another thing is that me not sleeping well one day doesn't necessarily guarantee me sleeping much better the other day. Many people here say that you need to force yourself to wake up late even if you feel horrible because it'll automatically become better the next day. But it's absolutely not working for me.
The thing is that when you haven't slept well you're tired, that's true. But it doesn't automatically imply that it's very easy to go to sleep.
Often times I have a weird dilemma. Should I directly go to sleep because I feel very tired but I'm sometimes unable to because I feel dirty? Or should I rather go to the shower first, but this shower will inevitably remove my tiredness? Sometimes it's even more ridiculous, with me being on minutes on my phone the evening (because I feel tired and am easily distracted and it's hard for me to do anything), and then feeling that I have to go to the toilet which makes me not want to sleep anymore. Or should I not go there and directly go to sleep? That's an even worse idea.
Ah yeah why am I on my phone? Well if for example my stomach hurts am I really supposed to only be in the toilet without a phone? I really feel like I'm hours in the toilet sometimes because my stomach hurts!
But anyway. What happened next? Even tho I didn't go to sleep that late I still haven't managed to recover. I slept 8 hours, but that's it, not 10 hours needed to fully recover. Yeah it was so amazing waking up the best day!
And then the next day I ended up feeling really tired and terrible. Very very tired. So I ended up taking a nap. But the thing is that because of that nap (from 16:00 to 19:00), I haven't managed to go to sleep at 22:00 either, nor even at 0:00. Only at 3 hours! And was it my fault?
Should I have forced myself to not take a nap and only go to sleep properly at 22h? I've tried this strategy too a couple of times. First of all, this means the day is effectively ruined because I'm unable to do anything. But secondly, what actually happens?
Sometimes, my body still feels like 22h is a nap. So I end up waking up at 2 in the morning and not able to asleep anymore either.
Other times, I end up sleeping the whole night, but only like 8 hours or less, and not enough to both sleep well this day and recover from the previous one (therefore like 10 hours). This happened to me a lot of times, and the best day, I felt horrible. I didn't feel like going asleep but overall lacked all the energy I needed.
So what exactly should I do?
And that's also forgetting that I'm also very easily distracted. Sometimes I want to go to sleep at 22 hours but then look at some video or some new Reddit community and my brain feels very excited and I can't think of anything else. Maybe it is because of the phone but also when I was a child I had the same problem with books, so it's more of an ADHD issue, and not something that I can easily remove by getting rid of the phone, as if it was that simple.
Another thing is that it seems like today, literally everything takes up too much time for me. Whenever I'm in the toilet, or I eat, or I go out. Is it because of my phone? Maybe. But the thing is that it's not that easy to give up my phone when I don't have such an active life outside of my phone. Even if I try to. And also sometimes I feel like I try to be very fast but am unable to. Especially if I want to go to the bathroom at some moment. I don't know why and how all this happens. I guess this autism thing definitely doesn't help.
Don't forget please, I have autism (basically here it seems to manifest in a similar way as ADHD) so it makes all that much harder unfortunately.
Anyway, please, I hope you guys will actually give me sound advice and I'll be able to follow it, because for now I just feel like I'm literally unable to and as if I'm disabled and will forever be late everywhere to any job.
I also feel like literally nobody is able to help me and no one even cares about me. Instead people constantly only criticise me as being egoistic and not serious. And shame me for using the phone. That's it.
Doctors tell me there's nothing wrong with me but sometimes I absolutely feel there's many things very wrong with me. Otherwise I'll be a functioninf adult.
I guess I shouldn't feel so bad about myself because while my schedule is absolutely disorganised, at least I don't have other problems, for example I never drank or smoked, so I shouldn't feel that bad about myself. But still this is a very serious problem.
But anyway, please give me some detailed advice and some specific things that might actually help. Maybe some YouTube tutorials even.

First of all, Don't judge me please. I know I'm not perfect but at least I'm trying to become better. Maybe for some of you all this might seem very easy to do but not for me. It seems like a real challenge. Meanwhile there's other skills which seem easy for me and not for others.
My current sleep schedule thing is a pretty serious problem because it made me often late to university and I have bad grades now. So I don't even know how in the hell I'll be able to apply to work properly if I'll be late literally all the time.
It's even worse because I'm very sensitive to sleep and whenever I really haven't slept well I just feel horrible.
And if I'm late now and I sleep badly now, when I actually have a lot of free time this year, imagine how this might be much worse whenever I'm at work? That's why I'm afraid to work and I feel like I'm unable to be independent. And it's not for a lack of trying!
So I'll explain how we got to that point and how exactly my sleep schedule became so messed up.
When I was in high school, this wasn't the case. Well, I lived with my mom and she always watched me so that I went to sleep and woke up at the time needed. Also, we had a school bus only at one specific hour, so I couldn't have missed it. I had a semi regular sleep schedule.
Then came corona, and also first programming university, then one year of wandering around, and now languages university. A lot of things changed, but it seemed like it all became much more chaotic and disorganised. The timetables literally changed every week, half of the classes were online, and the teachers and other classmates didn't care at all about where you've been, unlike in high school. Also, ratings and important info was on the email instead of on a specific dedicated website. I was very used to the high school organisation and first followed it through university, including with workbooks for each course, but became less and less organised as time went on, because other people in my class weren't that organised, they even saw my organisation as strange, and also, all the stuff that I've cited, like the timetables, definitely didn't help in any organisation. Also, I started losing motivation and feeling dreaded and resentful, so I ended up going to sleep late, waking up late, and not even caring anymore.
Anyway, now, a few years have passed but this problem hasn't become better.
And it's not for a lack of trying! I know this is a serious issue and I did try to change my habits. But it really seems kinda impossible.
First of all, there's some reasons which aren't specific to sleep. Like for example, sometimes I wake up at night because I need to go to the bathroom. I know this isn't really my fault, nor a self discipline thing, and I definitely should and would see a doctor over this. (But unfortunately, tbh, sometimes I see a lot of doctors and I feel like no one ever helps me. Don't know of it's true but that's how I feel unfortunately).
Also another thing. I don't always eat regularly.
That's because I live alone now, and also because I try to eat good food, cook at home, and eat vegetarian, instead of just eating fast food, but the thing is, everything is very expensive, and sometimes I don't have the time and motivation to cook, so sometimes I don't even have anything to eat. It's not always a problem but sometimes it definitely is.
I was taught how to make specific dishes but it's not a skill I really master that much.
I think it's really not a great things because it definitely screwed up my sleep schedule too.
Sometimes it's also too hot or too cold and I hope it won't be that much of an issue this summer, but honestly, I'm really scared. Hopefully the cold showers, window blinds and fans will make it bearable.
Because I'm very sensitive to all that. Heat, cold, food, etc. I'm also very sensitive to sleep too. I definitely need go sleep to be able to act like a functioning adult.
But now some other reasons. Leaving that alone.
Let's take this week for example.
I definitely did try to go to sleep and wake up at good hours.
Two days ago, I tried going to sleep at 22 hours, but I simply couldn't. I wasn't able to sleep. I was in the bed for an hour, tried to sleep as much as I can. But I was unable to. As a result, after minutes wandering this way, I opened up my phone. I ended up learning about some historic event and installing some new program that made my phone work faster.
I only managed to go asleep at 2 hours in the morning.
Now, people will tell me that I shouldn't use my phone in the evening. But imagine if you feel horrible, you try to go to sleep but you can't, and you want to go to the toilet at every second. Should I really do nothing in all that time?
And also, my phone also can help me go to sleep, because I can listen to calm music that could relax me and make me able to very fastly go to sleep. Especially if I'm stressed and tired.
But anyway, I went asleep at 2:00. I thought it wasn't a big deal because I didn't have school the next day. But I still unfortunately woke up too early, like at 8:00, because of my cats.
And the people here would definitely say that it's a good thing. But was it? I felt really terrible all day. And BTW, when I sleep terribly it's actually much harder for me to concentrate and resist temptations. I feel really horrible, I want to sleep, I don't wanna do anything. As a result, I haven't done that much that day, actually. That's why tbh I sometimes prefer sleeping well even if I'm late to somewhere because at least I'll be able to do something, and also feel amazing, otherwise, I literally feel like a zombie that hates life.
But another thing is that me not sleeping well one day doesn't necessarily guarantee me sleeping much better the other day. Many people here say that you need to force yourself to wake up late even if you feel horrible because it'll automatically become better the next day. But it's absolutely not working for me.
The thing is that when you haven't slept well you're tired, that's true. But it doesn't automatically imply that it's very easy to go to sleep.
Often times I have a weird dilemma. Should I directly go to sleep because I feel very tired but I'm sometimes unable to because I feel dirty? Or should I rather go to the shower first, but this shower will inevitably remove my tiredness? Sometimes it's even more ridiculous, with me being on minutes on my phone the evening (because I feel tired and am easily distracted and it's hard for me to do anything), and then feeling that I have to go to the toilet which makes me not want to sleep anymore. Or should I not go there and directly go to sleep? That's an even worse idea.
Ah yeah why am I on my phone? Well if for example my stomach hurts am I really supposed to only be in the toilet without a phone? I really feel like I'm hours in the toilet sometimes because my stomach hurts!
But anyway. What happened next? Even tho I didn't go to sleep that late I still haven't managed to recover. I slept 8 hours, but that's it, not 10 hours needed to fully recover. Yeah it was so amazing waking up the best day!
And then the next day I ended up feeling really tired and terrible. Very very tired. So I ended up taking a nap. But the thing is that because of that nap (from 16:00 to 19:00), I haven't managed to go to sleep at 22:00 either, nor even at 0:00. Only at 3 hours! And was it my fault?
Should I have forced myself to not take a nap and only go to sleep properly at 22h? I've tried this strategy too a couple of times. First of all, this means the day is effectively ruined because I'm unable to do anything. But secondly, what actually happens?
Sometimes, my body still feels like 22h is a nap. So I end up waking up at 2 in the morning and not able to asleep anymore either.
Other times, I end up sleeping the whole night, but only like 8 hours or less, and not enough to both sleep well this day and recover from the previous one (therefore like 10 hours). This happened to me a lot of times, and the best day, I felt horrible. I didn't feel like going asleep but overall lacked all the energy I needed.
So what exactly should I do?
And that's also forgetting that I'm also very easily distracted. Sometimes I want to go to sleep at 22 hours but then look at some video or some new Reddit community and my brain feels very excited and I can't think of anything else. Maybe it is because of the phone but also when I was a child I had the same problem with books, so it's more of an ADHD issue, and not something that I can easily remove by getting rid of the phone, as if it was that simple.
Another thing is that it seems like today, literally everything takes up too much time for me. Whenever I'm in the toilet, or I eat, or I go out. Is it because of my phone? Maybe. But the thing is that it's not that easy to give up my phone when I don't have such an active life outside of my phone. Even if I try to. And also sometimes I feel like I try to be very fast but am unable to. Especially if I want to go to the bathroom at some moment. I don't know why and how all this happens. I guess this autism thing definitely doesn't help.
Don't forget please, I have autism (basically here it seems to manifest in a similar way as ADHD) so it makes all that much harder unfortunately.
Anyway, please, I hope you guys will actually give me sound advice and I'll be able to follow it, because for now I just feel like I'm literally unable to and as if I'm disabled and will forever be late everywhere to any job.
I also feel like literally nobody is able to help me and no one even cares about me. Instead people constantly only criticise me as being egoistic and not serious. And shame me for using the phone. That's it.
Doctors tell me there's nothing wrong with me but sometimes I absolutely feel there's many things very wrong with me. Otherwise I'll be a functioninf adult.
I guess I shouldn't feel so bad about myself because while my schedule is absolutely disorganised, at least I don't have other problems, for example I never drank or smoked, so I shouldn't feel that bad about myself. But still this is a very serious problem.
But anyway, please give me some detailed advice and some specific things that might actually help. Maybe some YouTube tutorials even.

I am someone who feels some kind of kinship to reptilians, so this perspective will be a little different from what you're used to seeing. No, I'm not an evil shapeshifting politician or celebrity. No, I don't hate humans.
First off, the reptilians are a category of actual, flesh and blood alien species. "Reptilian" is not a metaphor for nefarious deep-state humans, nor are they some kind of nonphysical demonic entities. They are just bipedal, intelligent reptile and dragon-like beings of all shapes, sizes, and personalities. Just like humans, some are good, some are bad, and some are in between. They are just as diverse as any intelligent species.
Some are involved with earth (quite heavily,) but not for the reasons people think they are. It is not their goal to oppress or enslave humans, or harvest their energy for food. Humans hold themselves back more than any kind of external force does. No, they're actually involved in the progression of the human species. It is just that their idea of progress is something that, right now, would frighten most people. We're not yet ready to understand how it could be beneficial. So that is why they operate in secrecy, making it look like they have nefarious intent. When they don't.
Their "agenda" is to give humans the option of biological transhumanism. When most people hear the word "transhumanism," they immediately think of something like neural chip implants, or bionic limbs... this is nothing like that. Biological transhumanism is changing one's flesh, blood and genetics without the inclusion of any chips or metal parts. Still a fully biological being, just an improved one.
The talk about "hybrids" has some truth to it. Their idea of an "improved human" is one that hardly looks human at all. What they have in mind is something much more bestial and adapted for survival and life in the wild. Such a lifestyle helps a species stay connected to nature and their planet, without destroying it. If you want a visual of what this will most likely look like, look up the Argonians from the Elder scrolls. Intelligent yet tribal, not shying away from getting their claws dirty.
Reptilians generally consider humans a flawed project - out of all species, humans have the fewest biological survival tools, have the least natural capability to defend themselves, and look so different from all other animals that they have gained an air of superiority, believing they are "above" anything animalistic, at the same time restricting themselves from the beneficial aspects of animal nature, leading to a society resembling a dystopian purgatory cut off from the wild. This mindset shows in the way humans do everything. The houses, clothes, jobs, lifestyle. People suffer and the planet suffers because of it.
However they know that they cannot simply get rid of all humans, this would not be ethical and there is another group on the planet heavily opposed to this.
No, reptilians aren't in control of everything on earth. There is another group that is militantly and fanatically pro-human, of a similar level of power and influence. I do not believe this group has the most noble goals or intentions, as they operate from pride and ego more than seeing what's actually best for humans. They are situated primarily in the Americas, whereas reptilian bases are primarily found across Eurasia.
The "aliens" known as the pleyadians are heavily associated with the pro-human group. I do not think the pleyadians are a species from another star system, rather they were created using human genetics to make an "improved human" as an attempt to compete against the reptilian version.
You might notice something suspicious about these pleyadians - do you notice something in common with the depictions you've seen? All blonde hair, blue eyes, never anything else. For this reason I believe they may have origins in racial supremacy ideology.
The largest "wars" fought in the future may not be ones of a physical nature, but rather ideological. A fight over the hearts and minds of humans. Physical force can only get you so far - "soft power" goes a lot further.
When listening to anyone, always look out for whether they care about what is best for people, of if their ideology is based on blind pride, or fear of what is different. Just because someone looks noble in "Standing up for humanity" does not mean they actually have humanity's best interests in mind.
I believe humans can benefit from open contact and intermingling with alien species, including reptilians. In fact, I think it is necessary for progress. Isolationism helps no one. No, I don't think everyone on earth needs to become a reptilian, and this could not realistically happen anyway, but people do need to have contact in order to expand their perspectives and stop fanatical human supremacism in it's tracks. Humans suffer because they are stuck in their own bubble.

I am someone who feels some kind of kinship to reptilians, so this perspective will be a little different from what you're used to seeing. No, I'm not an evil shapeshifting politician or celebrity. No, I don't hate humans.
First off, the reptilians are a category of actual, flesh and blood alien species. "Reptilian" is not a metaphor for nefarious deep-state humans, nor are they some kind of nonphysical demonic entities. They are just bipedal, intelligent reptile and dragon-like beings of all shapes, sizes, and personalities. Just like humans, some are good, some are bad, and some are in between. They are just as diverse as any intelligent species.
Some are involved with earth (quite heavily,) but not for the reasons people think they are. It is not their goal to oppress or enslave humans, or harvest their energy for food. Humans hold themselves back more than any kind of external force does. No, they're actually involved in the progression of the human species. It is just that their idea of progress is something that, right now, would frighten most people. We're not yet ready to understand how it could be beneficial. So that is why they operate in secrecy, making it look like they have nefarious intent. When they don't.
Their "agenda" is to give humans the option of biological transhumanism. When most people hear the word "transhumanism," they immediately think of something like neural chip implants, or bionic limbs... this is nothing like that. Biological transhumanism is changing one's flesh, blood and genetics without the inclusion of any chips or metal parts. Still a fully biological being, just an improved one.
The talk about "hybrids" has some truth to it. Their idea of an "improved human" is one that hardly looks human at all. What they have in mind is something much more bestial and adapted for survival and life in the wild. Such a lifestyle helps a species stay connected to nature and their planet, without destroying it. If you want a visual of what this will most likely look like, look up the Argonians from the Elder scrolls. Intelligent yet tribal, not shying away from getting their claws dirty.
Reptilians generally consider humans a flawed project - out of all species, humans have the fewest biological survival tools, have the least natural capability to defend themselves, and look so different from all other animals that they have gained an air of superiority, believing they are "above" anything animalistic, at the same time restricting themselves from the beneficial aspects of animal nature, leading to a society resembling a dystopian purgatory cut off from the wild. This mindset shows in the way humans do everything. The houses, clothes, jobs, lifestyle. People suffer and the planet suffers because of it.
However they know that they cannot simply get rid of all humans, this would not be ethical and there is another group on the planet heavily opposed to this.
No, reptilians aren't in control of everything on earth. There is another group that is militantly and fanatically pro-human, of a similar level of power and influence. I do not believe this group has the most noble goals or intentions, as they operate from pride and ego more than seeing what's actually best for humans. They are situated primarily in the Americas, whereas reptilian bases are primarily found across Eurasia.
The "aliens" known as the pleyadians are heavily associated with the pro-human group. I do not think the pleyadians are a species from another star system, rather they were created using human genetics to make an "improved human" as an attempt to compete against the reptilian version.
You might notice something suspicious about these pleyadians - do you notice something in common with the depictions you've seen? All blonde hair, blue eyes, never anything else. For this reason I believe they may have origins in racial supremacy ideology.
The largest "wars" fought in the future may not be ones of a physical nature, but rather ideological. A fight over the hearts and minds of humans. Physical force can only get you so far - "soft power" goes a lot further.
When listening to anyone, always look out for whether they care about what is best for people, of if their ideology is based on blind pride, or fear of what is different. Just because someone looks noble in "Standing up for humanity" does not mean they actually have humanity's best interests in mind.
I believe humans can benefit from open contact and intermingling with alien species, including reptilians. In fact, I think it is necessary for progress. Isolationism helps no one. No, I don't think everyone on earth needs to become a reptilian, and this could not realistically happen anyway, but people do need to have contact in order to expand their perspectives and stop fanatical human supremacism in it's tracks. Humans suffer because they are stuck in their own bubble.

From my Fetlife. Prepare for cringefest. Tell me your thoughts about my cringe.
Hello, everyone. I'd like to introduce myself to you.
Ever since I turned 20, I've been dreaming of becoming another woman's housewife (or, as I like to say, a "wifey"), but I've never exactly known how to make it become a reality. I've always been an extremely submissive person and life hasn't treated me very well both for being like that and for trying not to be like that. I score extremely highly in agreeableness and I take great pleasure in serving those I care for. Specifically and preferably, a woman I love and who also loves me. Today, I'm looking for a romantic, ordinary and 100% monogamous relationship with a woman, but one that includes the element of dominance and submission and the possibility of me being her full-time housewife. While she works, I take care of the house. When she comes home, I take care of her. Always very lovingly and completely given to her body and soul as well as to the household's domestic duties. In practice, I want to be the woman in the relationship. I want to go far beyond the basics such as cooking and cleaning: I want to be responsible for doing her nails, her make-up and giving her massages whenever she wants them. I want to learn to cook everything she likes to eat. Maybe even learn gardening to take care of her plants. Perhaps the origin of this is an innate need of mine to be necessary and useful to someone and I guess that is how it is.
Inevitably, I believe this relationship would also include elements of platonic worship. The reason for this is that I have always harboured an adoration for the female figure, the female energy, the female essence and the female appearance. None of this is sexual. In fact, I feel that this element of platonic worship is so strong that I would even feel uncomfortable seeing my dominating partner naked because it would make me feel the same dirty lust for her that I'd feel for porn actresses when I'd watch their movies and I feel that this would be disrespectful to her and to what her image represents to me. This adoration for the female figure is also one of the reasons for my gender transition, which began in September of 2023. I admire the feminine image so much that I want to make it a part of me. I don't like being a man, looking like a man, being treated like a man, behaving like a man and, God fobid, dealing with masculine gender roles. I have an enormous need to feminize my gender expression because that's what makes me happy.
For reasons that are far beyond my control and that may sound cheesy, I always end up seeing women whom I find beautiful to be superior to me. Not in a bad way, but simply in a kind of hierarchy where I'm below them. So, for some reason, I feel fulfilled imagining myself serving them in a completely devoted way. In a way, I can sum myself up as a human Golden Retriever in terms of loyalty, perhaps to pathological levels. Such a level of unexplored and repressed loyalty that I can easily imagine myself getting so deeply involved with the right woman and creating an emotional bond so indestructible that I would go as far as burying a body with her without giving it a second thought. It's as if there were a hurricane inside me waiting for the ideal conditions to form and destroy everything in its path to reach its goal. My goal is domestic servitude within a romantic relationship and this storm inside me will only grow larger and larger over time. I don't see much value in ordinary work as in working for a company. I only see meaning and purpose in domestic work in a relationship for and with a woman I love with great obedience, dedication, submission and gratitude. I don't see myself as a leader, but as someone to be led.
I come from a place where I suffered a lot of verbal abuse directed at my appearance for being too thin and I see that the world today is full of evil people with an evil intent who get off at doing evil things and also of people who omit themselves when they observe evil being done and end up becoming accomplices by omission. All of this makes me really want to put myself in a kind of safe space with someone trustworthy where I don't have to be constantly watching over my shoulder in order to check whether there already are vultures circling me from above waiting for the ideal moment to pounce. I look like an easy victim for predators and I've always attracted them without any difficulty, unfortunately. I am soft and highly sought by them. I want to be able, if only for a few hours, to let my guard down completely knowing that I'm not in danger and that I'm with someone well-intending who, at worst, doesn't wish me harm and, at best, actively cares about my well-being. In other words, a relationship like any other. I very much want and like the idea of giving myself body and soul to a woman who has consideration for me, for whom I have value and who is in charge of the relationship (FLR). As I said, I want to put myself in a situation of total vulnerability in a controlled and safe environment with a person I can trust and who means well. I want to put myself below them in every situation and always put them before myself unconditionally. I want to live under domestic servitude, as well as having a romantic, ordinary, monogamous relationship like any other. If there's no love, there's no point. I can't explain exactly what I feel, but I see this dynamic as the most honest way I can express love to my owner, mistress and friend. This is the rawest and most sincere manifestation of my personality. And please don't get me wrong: I'm not here trying to "cure" myself through BDSM or draw attention to myself by talking about my problems that nobody cares about. I'm just putting all this into context and explaining objective reality as it is, that's all.
I have no idea how I'm going to fulfill this dream and where I'm going to find this woman. I see a lot of profiles here of dommes who are only in it for fetishistic reasons and to make money and that makes me a little sad. But I understand, since a relationship can end up being a very big responsibility and many women don't want this kind of burden in their lives. Not to mention that the temptation of financial gain must be too great for them not to take advantage of. And in an economy like this, I think it will be considerably difficult to find a woman who will want to keep someone at home without generating income just taking care of the household chores. The odds don't seem to be in my favor and the entire setting seems less than ideal.
I feel disgusted by and abhor any fetish scenario that involves the element of being a housewife, maid and the like, especially if it includes elements of humiliation for carrying out such activity. I understand that for some it can be pleasurable, but for me it's despicable. I can't associate being a housewife with something humiliating and if that's your intention with me, don't get in touch. As for sexual activity in general in a relationship, I don't have much to say. Hormone replacement therapy completely obliterated my libido and I see no purpose in any activity that promotes my sexual pleasure. To all intents and purposes, I've become somewhat asexual. I'd accept being penetrated by my domme if she wanted to, since I'd put her wishes before my own, but I feel it's hardly something I'd ask for. I'm much more interested in the emotional side of the relationship than the sexual.
Still on the subject of sexuality, I feel that the word "virgin" isn't accurate enough to describe myself. This word is used to refer to people who have never had sex, which is my case, but I've also never had any other intimate experience with a woman. It's not that I've never had sex, I've never even hugged a woman in bed. I've barely experienced any degree of intimacy with a woman before. I suppose this complete lack of sexual experience will be viewed in a very bad light by the women I seek, but I don't think there's much I can do about it. I have no interest in having these first experiences with, for example, a prostitute because I'm looking for a real emotional connection in a legitimate relationship. I'm a romantic and I have no choice but to wait.
I can't imagine a life in which I allow this dream not to come true. It can't not happen. If it doesn't, I'll have an extremely bitter deathbed full of regrets.
When it comes to the woman I'm looking for, I only have three demands: don't be a drug user (cigarretes included), be a gentle domme and unconditionally monogamous.
My gratitude for you will be eternal and my debt to you unpayable.
I hope the woman I'm looking for is out there waiting to be found.

(An animation shows black and white clouds parting)
Charles: (Off-screen) Once upon a time, there was a glowing city protected by golden gates known as Heaven. It was ruled by beings of pure light. Angels that worshipped good and shielded all from evil. Lucy was one of these angels. She was a dreamer with fantastical ideas for all of creation. But she was seen as a troublemaker by the elders of Heaven. For they felt her way of thinking was dangerous to the perder of their world. So she watched as the angels began to expand the universe in their ways. From the dust of Earth, they created Eve (I couldn't think of a female name that looked like Adam) and Lilian. Equals as the first of mankind, but despite this, Eve demanded control and Lilian refused to submit to her will. He fled the garden. Drawn in by his fierce independence, Lucy found him and the two rebellious dreamers fell deeply in love. Together, they wished to share the magic of free will with humanity, offering the fruit of knowledge to Eve's new groom, Adam, who gladly accepted. But this gift came with a curse. For the single act of disobedience, evil finally found its way into Earth. With it, a new realm of darkness and sin. And the order Heaven had worked to maintain was shattered. As punishment for their reckless act, Heaven cast Lucy and her love into the dark pit she had created, never allowing her to see the good that came from humanity, only the cruel and the wicked. Ashamed, Lucy lost her will to dream. But Lilian thrived, empowering demon-kind with his voice and his songs. And as the numbers of Hell grew, so did its power. Threatened by this, Heaven made a truly heartless decision. That every year, they would send down an army, an extermination to ensure Hell and its sinners could never rise against them. But Lilian's hope remained. And his dream was passed down to their precious son, the Prince of Hell. (The prince shuts the "Story Of Hell" book) (On-screen) Don't worry, Dad. I'll make you proud. (He holds a key)
Vagner: Charles?
Charles: Augh! (The key turns into a cat) Oh, shit. Did you hear all that?
Vagner: Uh... Yeah, I was right there.
Charles: Sorry. I get worked up after an extermination happens. This story helps.
Vagner: (chuckles) I know. Don't worry. I enjoy your theatrics. Are you okay?
Charles: I'm fine, just...Thinking, ya know, family stuff.
Vagner: Did you hear from your dad yet?
(Charles shakes his head saying no)
Vagner: Oof. How long has it been now?
Charles: Not that long, only...Seven...Years...Off something important, I'm sure. But this kingdom was something he really cared about. Something I care about.
Vagner: Well, at least you aren't alone.
Charles: I just hope what I'm trying to do here will work.
Vagner: It will. I have faith in you.
(The cat hopes on Charles)
Vagner: All right. Come on. Alice says she has something to show us.
(Vagner heads to the door and Charles look out of the window and see Hell on fire and goes)
(A commercial plays)
Alice: Well, hello there you wayward sinner. Do you like blood, violence and depravity of a sexual nature? Of course you do. That's why you're in Hell! But what would you say there was a place to stay that had none of that? Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, a misguided path to redemption! Founded five days ago by Lucy's delusional son Charleson Morningstar! Come place your fate in his inexperienced hands as he tries to work through his mommy issues by fixing you! Here, we offer fun thing! Such as somewhat functional staff! And 24 hour Pest Control! Custom rooms, and just look at this tacky parlor! Enjoy riveting conversation with our singular resident. Wow! All this and more at the Hazbin Hotel! You last desperate attempt at salvation starts here.
(The tv suits off)
Alice: So, what'd ya' think?
Vagner: I'm sorry, what the fuck was that?!
Charles: Uh, yeah, one note...Alice, I mean...First off, thank you so much for making this, seriously, amazing, but um...Maybe the tone is a bit...Off? We want people to want to come here, this makes it look...Ummm...
Vagner: Bad. The word you're looking for is "bad".
Alice: Funny, I was going for hilarious!
Vagner: It didn't explain anything about how we're trying to save demons from extermination, which is the whole fucking point.
Charles: Vagner is right, Alice. The commercial was to let sinners know we are trying to help them.
Alice: Well, my dear, I haven't been active in Hell for some time, and everyone remembers me from my radio show! The proper medium to express oneself! But YOU insisted on this noisy picture box adversiment! So I had a little fun with it.
Vagner: Oh, fun? You had a little fun with it? (Stand on the sofa) Well, this is not what we want to represent us. When you showed up here a week ago, you told us you would help run the hotel! Instead, you're mocking us. Nobody's going to want to come to a place that a powerful overlord like you thinks is a waste of time!
(A demon on a sofa raises her hand)
Vagner: What?
Angela: If'n ya filmin' a commercial, can I suggest you take better advantage of the talented celebrity you have right here?
Vagner: Angela, you're a porn star.
Angela: A famous porn star. I'll have the horniest sinners knockin' these walls down to get in.
Vagner: We are not filming a porn as a commercial.
Angela: Why not? Sex sells, don't it? I swear if you film me goin' at it with mistress fancy-talk-creepy-voice here, you'd rollin' in participants willin' to stay at this tacky hotel.
Alice: Haha! Never going to happen!
Charles: Angela, I appreciate you wanting to use you special skills to, um, attract folks to the hotel, but...I really don't want to exploit you, in that way!
Angela: Oh, please, baby. This body was made to be exploited. I got the arms, I got the stamina, I got the legs. I got the lung capacity-- Oh-oh I got the legs! The gag reflex, the holes...
(Charles laughs uncomfortably and his phone rings with his mom calling)
Angela: The small tits that make everyone think I'm a man...
Charles: Uhhh, hold that thought. I'll be right back! (Walks away)
Angela: I could keep goin' all night, baby.
(Charles breathes and answers the phone)
Charles: Hello? Mom?
Angela: Hey, I have a question. If freaky face over there is so powerful, then why can't she just make people stay here?
Alice: Oh, trust me, (ominously) I can!
Hisky: Why the hell do you think I'm here?
(The camera goes to Hisky at the bar)
Hisky: You actually think I'd be cleaning bottles and listening to you fuck's bitches moan all the time if she wasn't forcin' me?
Niffter: I like being forced!
Hisky: Keep that to yourself, Niff.
Angela: What, you don't like being here with me, Whiskers?
Hisky: Call me "Whiskers" again and I'll that bottle down your throat.
Angela: Kinky. But I like pussies. But keep talkin' dirty.
Vagner: Ugh, Angela, let Hisky do her job. And no, we can't force sinners to stay here. They need to choose to.
Angela: I'm choosing to be here, and I think is all stupid. We're in Hell, toots. It's kind of the end of the road, ain't it?
Vagner: Well, maybe it doesn't have to be. Just because nobody has made it before doesn't mean is not possible. (Angela pust her arm in his shoulder)
Angela: Hey, whatever means I can keep crashin' here rent free. Crack is expensive.
Charles: (excitedly) Yeah, I can! Totally. Yeah, I'll head over there right away...Okay. (Turns off the phone) Hah! YES! YES!! Hahahaha!! Vagner! Holy shit!
Vagner: Ahh! What?!
Charles: (through closed mouth) Get over here!
(Vagner sighs and goes to where Charles is)
Vagner: What's going on?
Charles: (Inhales) My mom just called. She said that the leader of the Angel Army wants to meet. She asked if I could go instead. (Breathes deeply)
Vagner: But... But...But the extermination just happened. What would they want this soon after...
Charles: (Singing) I can do this. Somehow, I know it I'll get Heaven behind my plan!
Vagner: Charles, hold on.
Charles: There's just no way I could blow it. Not this once a lifetime change!
Vagner: It's just a meeting.
Charles: To change their minds. And touch their hearts. Or whatever angels have.
Vagner: This could be bad.
Charles: Cheer up, Vagner. This could be swell. Something tells that today will be a happy day in Hell!
Vagner: Okay, but just don't... sing to them.
Angela: That motherfucker is halfway down the street.
Vagner: Is he...
Angela: Oh, he's dancin'.
Vagner: Ugh, no.
Charles: There's a warm fuzzy feeling that wafts through the air! Every street so revealing it's hard not to stare. It's a realm so appealing it beats anywhere! If you don't mind the smell! It's a happy day in Hell! Hi, miss!
Demon: Go fuck yourself!
Dead Sinner #1: There's a endless trash fire that's burnig my soul!
Charles: Hello!
Imp: There's a lot of barbed wire to shove in her holes!
Charles: Uh, excuse me...
Executioner: Doing what is required we all have a role!
Dead Sinner #2: I'm not doing well!
Ensemble: Another shitty day in Hell!
Charles: If I can show them the dream I've dreamed, that any soul can change!
Vagner: Those angels minds are hard to change!
Charles: Then they know that everyone can be redeemed from the evil to the strange!
Vagner: They're bloodthirsty and deranged!
Charles: I can hear all their stories, the lost and the displaced! And I know that they're of an acquired taste! But if I open the door and give them a place at my Hazbin Hotel it'll be a happy day in Hell! (Jumps in the back of a truck) From the porn studio where the cinephiles go to watch award winning demon bukkake shows to the Cannibal Town where they don't wear a frown 'cause...Holy shit, ew, my gosh, why?! And I don't give a crow that her brains got in my eye! Cause I know I can spare them from Heaven's genocide! I can do this...
Dead Sinner #1: There's an endless trash fire...
Charles: I just know it! Dead Sinner #1: That's burning my soul!
Chorus: Ahhhhhhhhhh!
Charles: I'll get Heaven behind my plans! There's just no way I could blow it!
Demon Sinner #3: I kinda like the barbed wire that's shoved in my hole!
Charles: Not this once in a lifetime chance! To change their minds!
Trenchcoat Demon: And touch my parts!
Charles: Oh...No, thank you. I'm just gonna...Fullfill my destiny!
Trenchcoat Demon: Your loss fucker!
Charles: I can already tell! Today is gonna be a fucking happy day in Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell! (Charles enters at the lobby) Hello? (echoes) Hello? Creepy...(He goes to the reception, rings the bell in the table and a paper and a feather pen appear in front of him) Oh, okay! Also creepy. (Signs the paper)
(Elevator doors open, Charles goes to them and enters in a dark room)
Charles: Hello? Is anyone here?
(The lights turn on)
Eve: 'Sup?
Charles: Holy shit! (Falls in the floor and gets up) Hi, I'm Charles. My mom asked if I could meet you.
Eve: Yeah, I know.
Charles: Okay, well, it's nice to meet you. (Stands his hand)
Eve: Totally. Nice to meet you, too. (Stands her hand)
(Charles hand passes through Eve's hand)
Charles: Ahh!
Eve: Ha! I fucking got you! Did you fuckin' see that?
(Luther shaves his head in yes)
Eve: Good shit!
Charles: Uh, so wait, you aren't here?
Eve: No, you think I'd come down there? (Laughs) No. I mean, I love the vibe, totally, I love your tunes. Pretty fuckin' hardcore, don't get me wrong. But, it's such a bummer, man. Everything down there's just so "eugh" ya know? (Chuckles) Ew.
Charles: Right. So I'm happy we got this opportunity to meet. There's a project I've been working on that I really want to talk to you about...(Eve puts her finger in his mouth)
Eve: Hey, hey, hey, slow down. We got time. How about we get to know each other, mm? How about some lunch? You hungry? I got you! (Shows a plate with ribs) Here's my personal favourite. You'll love it.
Charles: Uh, thanks! (His arms passes through the plate of ribs)
Eve: (Laughing) I got you again, fucker! Haha fuckin' hilarious! Haha!
(Back at the Hazbin Hotel, everyone is at the lobby)
Vagner: Okay, so Charles is dealing with something very important, so while he's gone, we are making a new commercial. One that representants his vision and what we're doing here. So we need a camera. Alice?
(Alice snaps her fingers and an old camera appears in Vagner's hand)
Vagner: A video camera.
Alice: Hmmm. (Snaps her fingers)
(A video camera appears in Vagner's hand)
Vagner: All right, let's do this!
(Vagner films Angela sitting at the bar)
Vagner: And...Action!
Hisky: "Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, can I help you with anything?"
Angela: "I've been a bad girl. And I need a big strong mommy to put me in my place...On the path to redemption!"
Hisky: Ugh! "Well, you come..."
Angela: "Oh yes!"
Hisky: (boredly) "To the right place!"
Vagner: Cut! Okay, Angela, I need you to be less horny, if possible. And Hisky, can you maybe not have a script in front of your face?
Hisky: (Angrily) I ain't no actress, I can't memorize this shit!
Angela: Well, we could improve this shit, baby cakes! (Purrs seductively and Hisky push her out of the counter) Ahh!
Hisky: Whoops. (Drink a bottle)
Vagner: Hisky, come on!
(Meanwhile, Charles is bored)
Eve: So I was playing this gig, and for some fucking reason this virtue boy was digging on the drummer, and it's like, do you know who I am? I'm fucking Eve. I'm the original pussy! All pussies descend from me. You think you like a drummer pussy? No way, I'm the Pussy-fucking master! (Eats sloppily) So anyway, then we fucked, and it was awesome. What'd you do this weekend?
Charles: Wait, your name is Eve? Like the first woman? That means you...Ohhh...(Enlightened) That explains so much.
Eve: I know. I fucking rock.
Charles: Well, Eve, ma'am. Mrs. Eve, ma'am.
Eve: Call me Pussymaster.
Charles: Eve, you seem like a smart...well, stand up girl.
Eve: (With the finger in her teeth) Uh-huh.
Charles: And I know you are the leader of the angels. And you are a bigger revolutionary, a...A genius!
Eve: I maen, your words, babe.
Charles: Who would really her name on something.
Eve: Fucking love putting my name on shit! Shit's the best!
Charles: It's a solution to our biggest problem!
Eve: Oh, herpes. Yeah, that's a bitch.
Charles: No! Our other biggest problem.
Eve: Oh, uh...Ugly people? (Looks at the camera) Math? Global warming? Nah, wait that's Earth's problem. Umm...
(At the hotel, a bug walks in the floor and a needle tries to stab it saverel times)
Niffter: Hehehe. Stab. Stab. Stab.
Vagner: Alright Niffter. Niffter? Niffter! (Stops him) Your line is "We have the cleanest rooms". Okay?
Niffter: Got it. I'm ready.
Vagner: (Turns on the camera) Action!
(Niffter looks at the camera with his pupil constricted and Angela and Vagner look at him confused and he keeps staring weirdly)
Vagner: Uhh...Cut. (Turns off the camera)
(Niffter smiles again)
Niffter: (Giggles) How was that?
Vagner: Well, Niffter, you actually have to say the line. So let's roll again.
Niffter: Okay!
Vagner: Action. (Turns on the camera)
(Niffter stares deeply at the camera)
Angela: You're doing great, Vagina!
Vagner: Cut! Alright, um, maybe wr can try to fix it in the post.
Angela: Do you even know what that means?
Vagner: (Angrily) I'll figure it out!
(In the lobby, Vagner is watching the video with the camera connected to the tv)
Hisky: (On TV) Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel.
(Vagner groans, covers his eyes and Alice appears in his side)
Alice: Seems like you're having a bit of trouble there, hm?
Vagner: Ugh, esta pendeja...Why are you even here?
Alice: For the entertainment! I came here because I love seeing wasteful souls struggle to accomplish something meaningful and fail spectacularly. Like you are doing now! Good job!
Vagner: (Turns on the camera) And here is Alice, the egocentric piece of shit that...
(Alice gets static on the camera and it starts to spark and Vagner screams and knocks the camera down)
Alice: I wouldn't try that, my darling. (Sinisterly) This face was made for radio.
Vagner: (Gets angry) That's it! I don't care who or what you are! If you are staying here you are going to make this work! Beause it won't be so "entertaining" to watch an empty hotel will it, shit ass?! (Turns around and walks away)
Alice: Fair enough. I'll tell you what. Let's make a deal.
Vagner: Pft! You think I'm that stupid? Making a deal with a demon like you.
Alice: Not for your soul, just a simple deal. I do this for you, and you never ask me to engage with this frivolous television technology ever again. Or...Charles can come back to absolutely nothing! Your choice.
Vagner: (Sighs) Fine. (Gets the video camera and raises in Alice's hand and green ghosted skulls fly around it)
Alice: Now then! (Makes the camera disappear and snaps her fingers)
(Angela, Hisky and Niffter, a lot of filming materials and a ghost recording team appear in the lobby and everyone gets tailor clothes)
Vagner: Alright, everyone! Let's make a fucking commercial.
(Meanwhile)
Eve:...When you take him out for the fifth time and he still expects you to pay the check, but you're like, (In deep voice) "Hey I thought you wanted equality"!
Charles: (Frustrated) No! Our shared problem of overpopulation in Hell!
Eve: (Normal) Oh! Well, that's not a problem! We got that covered! Luther, how many demons did you kill this year?
Luther: Got a good 275 this year, ma'am.
Eve: 275? Whoa, badass! Awesome job, danger dick! Pound it. (Punch fists with Luther)
Charles: Uh, no, not awesome. Those are my people, you know that, right?
Eve: Ohhh, yeah...That must suck for you. Pft...Hahahaha! Charles: But these are souls. Human souls, just the same as the ones you have in Heaven.
Luther: They're not the same. They had their chance and they earned damnation.
Charles: You're wrong. Sinners made mistakes, sure, but everyone makes mistakes.
Luther: Angels don't make mistakes.
Charles: You really think that?
Luther: I know that.
Eve: Yeah, I've never made a mistake in my fucking life.
Luther: The only reason you're still here is because Mommy gave you and your Hellborn-kind a pardon from an exorcist blade. How does that feel? To know how little you matter.
(Charles shrinks back)
Eve: Oops, almost out of time. Guess we should get into it...
Charles: Oh! Fuck!...(Get up from the chair) Okay. I've a lot to get through and not a lot of time and I feel like you weren't really hearing before, so here goes. (Clears throat) (Singing) I know Hell's population is out of control. It's a bad situation, it's taking a toll. If we rehabe these sinners and cleanse all their souls at my Hazbin Hotel! (Normal) Wait I'm getting ahead of myself! Right! Extermination! (Singing) I know you guys fly down just to kill once a year. And it must be annoying to schlep all the way here. If they join you in Heaven that trip disappears! You can wave that chore farewell! (Deep breath) It'll be a happy day in...
Eve: (Singing) Let me stop you right there, save us all precious time!
Charles: (Normal) Okay?
Eve: If what you're suggesting is letting them climb! Up the ladder. Oh they rather cross the Pearly Gates? Sorry, sweetie, but there's no defying in their fates! 'Cause Hell is forever wheter you like it or not! Had their chance to behave better now they boil in a pot! 'Cause the rules are black and white there's no use in trying to fight it! They're burning for their lives until we kill them again!
Charles: Okay, but...
Eve: Just try to chillax, babe, you're wasting your breath!
Charles: (Nervously) Hehe...
Eve: Did I hear you imply that they deserve death? Are they winners? Are they sinners? 'Cause it's cut and dry!
Charles: Actually, if you take a look...
Eve: Fair is fair, an eye for an eye! And when all's said and done! (Said and done) There's the question of fun! (Fun) And for those of us with divine ordainment, extermination is entertainment! (Imitates guitar) Guitar solo, fuck yeah! (Imitates guitar) Hell is forever whether you like or not! Had their chance to behave better now they boil in a pot!
Charles: Where all these people come from?
Eve: 'Cause the rules are black and white, there's no use in trying to fight it! They're burning for their lives until we kill them again! (materializes a guitar and play it) Fucking Hell is forever and it's meant to suck a lot! So give up your dumb endeavor 'cause you don't have a shot!
(Charles groans, his paper gets on fire and his hair moves in the air and horns appear in his head)
Eve: Long as I've got your attention, I guess In should probably mention that we made a determination (Shows a contract) To move up the next extermination!
Charles: What?!
Eve: Can't wait a whole year to slaughter those little cunts! (Holds Charles' wrist) I know is just been a week, but we'll be back in six months! (Spins Charles out of the room and plays her guitar)
Charles: Um, wait, didn't you...(Goes at the door, but it closes) Awh, shit! (Punches the door)
(Charles returns sad to the Hazbin Hotel)
Vagner: Charles! (Hugs him) How did it go? Did they listen?
Charles: Oh, uh...They sure did...hear it! But, um...
Vagner: Oh! Come here. We have something exciting to show you! (Holds Charles to the living room) Alice pulled some strings, and it's about to air.
Alice: I pulled a few limbs too! Hahaha!
Charles: Wait? The commercial? You all made a new one?
Angela: Yeah, one of my better performances, if I do can say so myself.
Charles: That's...That's amazing.
Angela: Shh! It's starting!
Vagner: (On TV) Welcome to the Hazbin Hot...
(The TV changes to the 666 News channel and everyone complains)
Kallie: (On TV) Breaking news in Hell today! We have just received word from the Heaven Embassy that the next extermination is happening sooner than ever before! Do you know what that means, Tomita?
Tomita: No. What does that means, Kallie?
Kallie: It means we are all royally fucked!
(The clock in an hourglass changes to 176 with everyone screaming)
Angela: Wait...What? Why?!
(A drone laser scans a headless body of an angel laying in Hell and Eve and Luther see then from the ship)
Luther: We found the body, ma'am. They've never managed to kill one of us before. We should just go down there now and destroy them!
Eve: No, no. We can't risk them catching on. But don't worry, when we come back, there won't be a demon left to pull a stunt like this again. (Breaks the projector and her eyes and mouth glow in the dark)
(The end credits start playing)

I have two reddit accounts, so if these stories are familiar, that's why. Someone commented that one of these sounds like abuse from my Christian parent to me. So I've compiled all most of them here. (Most of them are to do with Christianity, the hypocrisy of Christianity, or the consequences of my choice to leave it.) Please be honest but also recognize that this isn't all the times sometimes these are amazing people and I love these people but for my sake I need to know if it's really that bad.
"I'm rather young. My mom (42F) and my dad (41M) both grew up in the church. My grandfather is the pastor of his own church and my mother was raised by her grandmother who played piano in the church. Growing up I'd say I was the perfect little Christian girl. I liked praying and went to church, I wanted to help the world, and I wanted to be baptized before I even started kindergarten. I remember that vividly. I was sitting in the kitchen in one of our folding chairs because we couldn't afford real ones and I was begging my mom to let me get baptized.
My family and I are African American. The church I went to when I was little was a black church. My mother was the praise dance choreographer so of course I did praise dancing. I'd go to Sunday school, I wore the big puffy dresses, and I knew all the songs. Of course I had the common experience of being assaulted in a sexual manor by someone I went to church with. But we were both the same age and I just knew I was uncomfortable and she just knew that's how people bigger than us touched each other. All that came of me telling my mom and me not having to go to her house anymore. I was always told that I was intelligent and I believed everything I was told without question. Then my sister was born and we moved. At first everything stayed the same. We ended up having to switch churches as the previous one was an hour away from our new home. We found a new church. A church were you can wear your hoodie and jeans like it's a Tuesday. I made friends and played sports and nothing really changed until I was eight. When I was eight there was a girl on my softball team I'll call E. E is Jewish and at the time I thought everyone was Christian. As in Christianity was the default and only option. But my friend E's church wasn't called a church but a synagogue, and she couldn't eat specific foods together. E also talked about BaBat Mitzvah's. When I brought that up to my mom she said my friend was Jewish and that being Jewish is like being Christian but they read from the old testament exclusively but they don't believe in Jesus.
Which a while later caused me to spend all night crying because I put the two and two together of: Believing in resurrection Sunday and that Jesus was gods son is what got us into heaven and I cried worrying one of my closest, sweetest friend and her nice family would go to hell. Then school, which had always been easy, became hard. Which made me feel dumb. Especially since my self worth was put into how smart I was and I wouldn't dare get below an A or high B because I was scared I'd get punished. Like the time I slammed my fingers a metal door on accident and spent the next fifteen minutes in tears and my mom told me if I kept crying she'd take me to the hospital to have them cut off my fingers. Because of moments like that disappointing my parent or having to big of an emotional reaction was not okay and it made me scared and uncomfortable. They knew I was struggling, they were the ones who stayed up till four something in the morning with me trying to explain the concept. But with every minor and major struggle I felt like my worth was slipping away. But the better I did in school the more my outstanding grades became the expectation which resulted in acknowledgement for my academic achievements disappearing. I felt like I was falling apart so I'd spend hours pray and begging god for help. To take the feeling of being worthless away. I developed an eating disorder sometime before ten. Specifically binge eating. My parents would find the trash, not understand that it was more than just "the sin of gluttony" and yell which made me feel threatened and eat more food.
And then I'd pray on my knees on the hard wood outside my room door with nails and splinters in it and hurt myself because not only was I a dumb glutton but I also apparently wasn't good enough for god to save or help. It made me think if he wants a relationship with me so bad why does he ignore me? I'd hold a knife to my wrist when I'd wash dishes to see if I felt him then. I questions if I'd even go to heaven. For all my problems the answer was to pray but the problem was I'm doing that but my prayers aren't being answered. I was having thought of death no twelve year old should have. On my birthday I was like a puppet simply going through the motions. Then I started questioning my sexuality. Not to mention, I'm now cut off from the world because this is all during covid, on the bright side they gave me my door back. Now I'm older and I have questions like. How was Adam able to name all the animals and understand god not wanting him to eat from the tree and their need to stay in the garden, but not comprehend his nakedness? How was Eve able to be tempted and not understand her nakedness? Why did they and apparently god think being naked was wrong? How are we not all messed up from tons of inbreeding and how do animals still exist after the inbreeding the would've occurred after Noah's ark if he only saved one male and female of each species? Why did god want to flood the Earth and purge it of it's evil humans if he was the one who decided free will would be a good idea? Since he is perfect and all knowing their shouldn't have been a moment of let me make something I'll destroy, wait nvm. My parents have changed a lot since I was little and have let me go to therapy. Of course I have a Christian therapist. Which I wouldn't mind if it wasn't for the fact that every time I bring up trauma that's linked to religion or need advice in terms of how to change a bad behavior or over come anxiety the advice is to pray. And at times I feel like I'm in a moment of doubt she feel she should try and pull me back in. But they also said I have to volunteer in the childern ministry at church.
I used to work with children ages three to five. Now I'm in one to three. And it feels like I'm spreading propaganda. They tell me what to say and what the goal is for the kids to believe by the end of the month. After I can't help but feel dirty. I'm at the point in my journey were I don't believe. But I have to keep working in the childern ministry, I have to go to church every Sunday, my parents are both devotional authors with published books. I'm the only one in my family who doesn't believe both extended and intermediate. I just wanna know I'm not crazy. I feel like I'm being brainwashed or something. Like drink the blood and eat the body of Jesus!? It's all too much. And now that my parents know they're trying to make me go back to believing. And I listen to them talk and it's like I can't have a conversations with you. You put your faith above all else. You believe whole heartedly, my point of view is automatically wrong to you because faith trumps logic so why would I share it with you? But at the same time it's majority of the music they play, it's all their advice, I go every Sunday, my classmates and friends are majority Christian and yet I even though I see the flaws and hypocrisy, I still can't help but wonder, am I the crazy one?"
"My grandma would grab me and call me "big booty Judy." And my butt was grabbed, spanked, and frequently talked about. Sometimes she'd just sit there tapping it while she talked. It started when I was around three or four and just continued. Though now I'm in my teens and rarely see her. But my breast were also a topic for a while. Comments like "where'd you get those from?", "she's bigger than you.", and "her sisters the tall one but she's the curvy one." They felt icky but I didn't dwell on them. But she's also an alcoholic along with many other things. She dated my mom's friends when she was in college, gets shit faced in at events like birthdays and funerals. Shakes her ass on family members and frequently offered us alcohol. But I always took pride in being her favorite grandchild. Which she constantly reminded me I was. She also has a serious spending problem. But the funny thing is. She goes to a church church. She's in the choir and used frequently as a look example. She hosts church events and potlucks. She even remarried in the church. Never mind the things I just said that'd be considered sins. She's the perfect Christian woman."
"How do you cope with the level of disrespect? I'm not eighteen yet, but I'm still able to be disrespected. My main problem is the disrespect from my parents. My parents who wish to be respected in their beliefs and don't want their minds to change. But at the same time, my dad has sent my scriptures and stuff for the past couple of months since it came out. I don't believe in God or Jesus. They force me to serve and volunteer at church and attend every Sunday. They paired me with a not so ethical Christian therapist. Then both gang up on me about it and take my silence as defeat when I'm just respecting their beliefs. I'm literally the only non Christian in my family. I also have mental problems from staying with them and just in general, but they won't test me because I don't behave in such a stereotypical manner. I want to say they love me, but does someone who blatantly disrespects you love you? I'm having a hard time with seeing if I should do something as drastic as no contact after I reach a certain age.
But at the same time their those awful parents who don't just blatantly suck but also have messed me up quite a bit, resulting in me not feeling like I have a right to be upset. I've told them about how Christianity mixed with their parenting drove me to suicidal thoughts, almost going through with it, and an eating disorder I'm still battling. I also can't just leave and close the door behind me. I'm the oldest, and their are two more kids just like me, and if I turned my back on them, I'd never forgive myself. They're my siblings, but they're also what stopped me from going through with the bad thoughts I was having. They need someone who will be honest, say the weird things, and answer the ignored questions. So, how can I deal with the blatant disrespect so that I'm around for them? What skill for stress management can I use? How do I block out the constant religious gaslighting that happens in church? Because I have over two more years of this."
"My dad said if people don't wanna have a baby, they shouldn't have sex even if they're married. But sir, you had three babies while financially unstable because you couldn't keep your damn hands off my mom. You were planning me, but your job fell through, and when my mom went to get back on birth control, it was too late, so I'll give you a pass with me. But my siblings were both surprises. So, quit judging and practice what you preach. But that's not what pissed me off the most. He said women will put all their time into work and not their husbands, and that's why some men cheat, but the way he said it, it was like he was justifying it. But my dad, he'd go to hooters alone, and when I needed tights, he got them from a woman their and it made me think what if. And I know it's stupid, but that what if. It is so loud.
And it's not even the first time he's said something along the lines of justifying it and almost blaming the woman who gets cheated on. But then he likes to be all up in arms about how his friend married a woman who cheated on him multiple times. My dad's like, I wanna pour into my kids but then makes no effort, and when we spent time with him, we had to initiate it. He doesn't do the hey you wanna . . . stuff. But he has his own company, and they can't get any work right now, so he spends most of his time at home. And then says I'm just to tired to spend time with ya'll.
My mom was sick to the point of being half passed out in a drive-thru after taking my brother to karate and having to pick up dinner. I would've offered to drive him if I could. I'm still leaning, and I'm bad at staying in one lane. But my dad was really busy on his PS5 with his made-up football team. So busy he couldn't take my brother to karate nor could he pause his game to get dinner. I'm kinda starting to hate him. He's also done a couple of other things, but that's what recently has made me mad. But I don't feel like I have a right to be mad because he's here and a lot of my friends dad aren't, and he's not physically abusive like my best friends dad is. I just don't know how I should feel. Is everyone's dad like this?
Edit: It's mothers day and he couldn't be bothered to get the food, pick up the groceries, nothing. #1Dad guys."
​
So is it truly a horrible go no contact at eighteen situation, a be watchful situation, or is it fine? I know some of this stuff is a lot but some of it was also in a moment of extreme emotion. Remember like I said in the beginning they're not always like this.

Edit2: P.S Ive stopped reading the comments (if anyone cares) cuz the haters only got like the same 3 ways of saying "you suck". But y'all can keep at it if the venting helps you sleep at night. Peace be with you ✌️

Edit: Wow I knew I'd get hate but it's amusing to see how much hate the sub will give a fellow CBB lover for having an opinion different than themselves. Well this is the world we live in I guess. So go on..tell me why your opinion is more valid than mine, even though it won't change shit. Have fun! ☺️

None of her characters are funny. - They all have accents that aren't good or bad enough to be funny.

• She keeps breaking character & laughing at her own "jokes" as she's making them which is just annoying and weird cuz no one else is.
  
• Her idea of funny is to make everything sexual no matter what her character, which just comes out crass and unfunny.
  

Imo she uses all the typical tropes or crutches in her case (accents, SNLesque attempts at breaking character and using sex/making it dirty) that can be used to create humour but just fails miserably everytime. I know she has a huge fan following on this sub and I'll probably get a lotta downvotes but I've given her a lotta chances but just end up just straight up skipping her parts or entire episodes if she's featured, which is a shame cuz I LOVE TIM BALTZ! It breaks my heart that I can't enjoy Hey Randy because she just brings down the entire vibe for me.
Maybe she's a lovely person, but I just cannot stand her as a comedic performer. Does nobody else feel this way?