Laugh now cry later mask pictures

im 16f and i hate school i have always hated school but after COVID (which was the same time my dad cheated on my mom and they seperated) i just hate going i have anxiety and adhd and i'm a little depressed i have two brothers and our relationship is weird ( wqeve all changed alot after everything happened my little brother who was so happy is now really frumpy and stoic liek hes 13 an d My older brother is so smart but struggles so much, and Inda bottles up all his feelings. I've always been known as the emotional talkative sister, and I cry a lot. I also got bullied a lot in middle school (same time as the divorce and COVID) by the same people who were my best friends and bullies in elementary school, and all my friends turned on me, so I can't help but think all my friends hate me. I tried to kill myself in the 7th grade, and I just feel like I'm broken and I'm not normal. I'm a junior, so I'm worried about college and my dad getting married soon to the woman he cheated on my mom with, and I don't know. I just feel like everything is wrong and weird. I feel like I don't have a passion for something, like a lot of my friends do. They have an idea of what they want to do, and I feel like I have zero idea of what I want. My parents are artists, so I grew up with fun-loving parents, and I thought they were a fairy tale couple, and they were, and then he cheated. I also love my mom, and I kind of like my stepmom, but she grew up with boomer strict parents, and they were great, but she's very strict, and my parents were never strict, but me and my brothers were never wild kids. My parents never stopped us from being as creative or curious as we wanted. If we had a question, she would answer, and we are really close, and I know a lot about her and my dad (they are both stoners, so that is also a way to know what kind of parents they are). Ive never been one to hide things from my parents. I tell them about my crushes, and we make jokes about sex and death, and drugs were very unserious. I joke with my dad about what age he is going to die and how much weed he smokes, and I joke with my mom about everything. My parents sometimes tell me that I tell them too much. I just don't get the point. I trust them, but I feel weird loving my dad and my stepfamily. I've always been really close with my dad, and I'm pretty close with my step family, but my stepmom and my dad did something really bad that kind of wrecked me, my brothers, and my mom. My mom went to three mental health hospitals during her divorce, once right before the separation and once after, and my dad has worked crazy hours since forever (he works in film, coming home at like 12 and leaving at like 5 sorta), and when we were younger, the first time my mom left, he would order us food and we wouldn't see him, and then I found out he went on a trip with my stepmom (who we didn't even know about). At the time I was 12, my older brother was 15, and my little brother was 8. Now I am getting married, and I have not celebrated a birthday with both my parents since I was in 5th grade. I am graduating soon, and I dont want to hurt my mom's feelings. But I want my step grandmother, aunts, uncles, and stepmother to be there, but I feel like having a panic attack when I think about them being close together. I feel like I can't even have a picture of me in my cap and gown with my parents and brothers, and that's all I want, just a picture of me, my mom, and my father. I apologize for writing so much, and I know this is all over the place, but I really needed to vent and just let it all out.

one of my autism theories (it might be repeated elsewhere i dont know):
I call it hidden context. now people say autistic people miss the big picture. i think its more complex than that. the idea of hidden context i noticed in a doc about a very charming NT large family and one autistic son of 19. they showed the son talking of his marriage hopes and his family played along patrinising him,. he spoke louder and becoming more animated wanting to be understood starting ranting. he was clear logical passionate about his views but was dismissed gently with laughing and rolling of eyes by family members. this continued until the son was verging on rudeness but he was told to calm down and you could see him trying to regulate himself. he then looked sad and lost. later in the doc it showed just him and his mother. to a casual observer it was obvious she didnt want him to marry and wanted him to stay very close to family. he had no idea. he had grown up gaslit which hide essential context from him. hidden context. and im sure he carried some wrong assumptions into other relationship dynamic in his life- which would have made him naive but it was because the truth had been so well buried.
Have you noticed anything similiar?

This might be long please bear with me…I 31F have been with my bf 33M for 10 years. I know. “Why are you writing about this now after 10 years?” This is my first and only relationship, been together since I was 19. I figured after hearing “relationships are hard/take work” I assumed that’s what this is. That’s why I’m here to figure it out. The issue here is I am anxious around him every single day. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells to not trigger a mood. He has a slight temper & little patience. I feel kind of stupid around him & like I can’t do much of anything right. Almost like a child at times. It’s better on weekends because during the week he’s so stressed from work that he just is quiet and cold towards me so I try to just leave him alone.
I wanted to list a few of the reasons I feel so on edge around him:
• this happened years ago but he was very mad/yelling at me in the car because I was too hungover to go to his sisters for brunch
• road rage followed someone to a gas station with me in the car then said it was because I made him mad
• got mad at me because I couldn’t get off work to cook with his family for a holiday (I was crying because I was so nervous to tell him I couldn’t go but it seemed to just make him more mad)
• got mad at me because I gave us wrong directions to find my car after dinner one night, huffing & puffing, walking ahead of me in the dark “can’t trust you to do anything” (granted it was very cold out)
• “can we not just throw everything anywhere?” (Because I put the meat tenderizer in the wrong spot)
• I’m trying to quit vaping and it’s “all I talk about like just put it out of your head” (as he vapes next to me)
• “You need to make more money” (we were looking at townhouses that I didn’t even want)
• wouldn’t drive me to get my nails done while my car was having issues because he’s “been driving us everywhere & is tired” (he never gave me a ride anywhere so I’m unsure what he means)
Then it’s the normal things like getting annoyed I forgot to run the dishwasher even though I was out grocery shopping and he was home working. Got annoyed at me for getting him extra food at a wedding because I forgot he didn’t want anymore. Getting annoyed if I can’t close our screen slider door correctly & it falls off the track.
I know it’s easy to say “he’s the bad guy” reading this BUT, it’s not always like this. In general I know he loves me & wants to spend his life with me. He just has no patience with me. But he makes me laugh, adores me, cooks for me, always invites me to hang when he goes out, would never cheat, genuinely enjoys spending time with me.
So I’m just confused if some of this stuff happens in all relationships? Is any of it normal? This is my first relationship so I’m still unsure what is normal “hard times”.

I can't really say what I'm hoping to achieve by writing this. Some type of emotional processing for myself, a way to support people who may be facing the same fear as I did? All I know is I leaned on this group a lot during the planning of my own wedding, so I somehow feel like sharing this with everyone here as well :-)
There's no soft landing so here we go: my grandfather died on my wedding day. He died in the hospital, where we said our goodbyes the day before. He had been hospitalised for over a week by that point, and earlier on we had decided he would stay in the hospital until after my wedding. This way my grandmother would be able to attend the wedding without being all too worried about his wellbeing. The day before the wedding, my mother called me and told me the hospital had urged us to come in. I'm not going to sugarcoat it: I broke down. My fiancé nearly carried me to the car. We were hours away of leaving for our wedding venue, had some last minute packing to do and would officially kick-off our wedding day by driving up there. We went, I cried, I held my grandfathers hand but he was barely 'there'. My grandmother encouraged me to keep everything as planned - to enjoy our wedding day no matter what. I promised her I would. I can honestly, without a doubt in the world, say it's what he would have wanted. At that time, we didn't know how much time we had: hours, days, maybe?
Because the hospital was sorta on the way to the venue, we drove back home, got all our stuff, and drove back to the hospital. He seemed to be doing a bit better then. While I was very aware this was a surge of energy, I'm still grateful he was aware I was there. I said goodbye, hoping I would get to see him again on Thursday, but unsure. Seeing him like this, I could tell he was tired and ready. I tried to communicate to him that I wouldn't be upset if it happened now, that I understood the time was there. That I love him and will miss him, but understood.
We get to the venue, have dinner, go to sleep. Well, my (now :-)) husband does, I'm awake. Eventually I sleep for 3 hours and leave to go to my parents place. I see my mom, his daughter, who says she hasn't heard anything so good news for now. We go through it all and I can honestly say: it was exactly as I had hoped. The entire wedding party knew, but together we decided not to be sad. It was a happy day, we laughed, we ate, people cried happy tears, I drank mimosas with a straw not to mess up my lipstick.
Around 11, right before we were going to take family pictures, my mom gets the call. I am sad, of course, but I felt prepared. I tell my wedding party, who mirror myself and my husband, put their chin up and follow through. We take genuinely happy pictures. We hug each other, because we get to, because we can. During the ceremony later that day, I decide to take a moment right before one of our favorite songs to address the situation. I speak to our guests and tell them honestly what happened, and encourage them to think of people they love and loved. To hold each other a bit closer tonight and celebrate the beauty of life. We tell them, honestly, that all our passed grandfathers were quite the party animal, and we would love for them to not take pity on us today, but to celebrate with us. They did not disappoint us one bit. My grandmother was there and looked at me with tears in her eyes, but proud and strong, exactly how I know her. This is not a pity party, it's a party.
Our evening was beautiful. We danced and ate and laughed. I talked about my grandfather throughout the day, but never in a sad way. I wanted to honour his memory and tell people how amazing he was.
So, if you made it this far. I guess I want to share that there's beauty to be found in the saddest of situations? I did not stress about my dress or my hair, when my heels hurt I took them off, when the weather was bad it was whatever. I loved our wedding, but I could not sweat any details. I only cared about the people there and being married to my husband, who was amazing throughout this whole ordeal. Our entire family came together in a way I've never seen before, dancing the night away and hugging each other, taking photos in the photobooth, and so on. We got to work through a very difficult thing by celebrating love and making my grandfather incredibly proud. He would have loved to have seen me in my dress, and if I could do one thing differently, I would have showed him a picture of me in it the day before. But you don't know. You can't. Now I'm writing part of his eulogy and the only thing I can think of is how lucky I was to have had my grandfather in my life, and how his timing was flawless, even he wouldn't necessarily agree with me :-) So don't fear the worst. Hug your parents and grandparents and enjoy your wedding, it is truly a magical day.

We have already discussed how HRT changed my body. But what about mind, feelings, and emotions?
The day I started HRT, I felt an enormous sense of relief. For years, I could never relax and enjoy simple things like singing birds, blossoming flowers, my family playing and having fun, people laughing, etc. I had a constant feeling of stress without any visible reason. As soon as I applied my first estradiol patches, within a couple of hours, I felt relaxed and calm. Despite that time being very stressful for my family, it was the first time I could clearly see their smiles and emotions.
The second thing I noticed was that I became very emotional. Please don't show me the "Titanic" if you don't want to see me crying. It comes from somewhere deep inside, and I just can't control it. The same thing happens when I have conflicts with my closest ones—it's impossible to hold back the tears.
Third, I became very extroverted. This is probably why you're reading this post. Now, I can share my thoughts, enjoy talking to people, listen to their stories, and openly discuss topics that were previously taboo for unknown reasons.
Fourth, my empathy skyrocketed. I genuinely care about others, so when you see a message from me asking "How are you?", please don't reply with the standard "I'm fine." I do care.
Fifth, and a bit debatable, according to my wife, I finally developed a basic sense of humor—right above the bottom line. I don't agree with her; I've always been funny.
The sixth change is my ability to multitask. From the outside, it might look like I'm creating chaos and a big mess, but just wait a couple of minutes, and you'll see the neat and tidy final result.
So, which changes do I like more, physical or mental? Both. It's finally my true self who was hidden for more than 30 years.
What changes in your mind have you noticed first?

We have already discussed how HRT changed my body. But what about mind, feelings, and emotions?
The day I started HRT, I felt an enormous sense of relief. For years, I could never relax and enjoy simple things like singing birds, blossoming flowers, my family playing and having fun, people laughing, etc. I had a constant feeling of stress without any visible reason. As soon as I applied my first estradiol patches, within a couple of hours, I felt relaxed and calm. Despite that time being very stressful for my family, it was the first time I could clearly see their smiles and emotions.
The second thing I noticed was that I became very emotional. Please don't show me the "Titanic" if you don't want to see me crying. It comes from somewhere deep inside, and I just can't control it. The same thing happens when I have conflicts with my closest ones—it's impossible to hold back the tears.
Third, I became very extroverted. This is probably why you're reading this post. Now, I can share my thoughts, enjoy talking to people, listen to their stories, and openly discuss topics that were previously taboo for unknown reasons.
Fourth, my empathy skyrocketed. I genuinely care about others, so when you see a message from me asking "How are you?", please don't reply with the standard "I'm fine." I do care.
Fifth, and a bit debatable, according to my wife, I finally developed a basic sense of humor—right above the bottom line. I don't agree with her; I've always been funny.
The sixth change is my ability to multitask. From the outside, it might look like I'm creating chaos and a big mess, but just wait a couple of minutes, and you'll see the neat and tidy final result.
So, which changes do I like more, physical or mental? Both. It's finally my true self who was hidden for more than 30 years.
What changes in your mind have you noticed first?

God I have so much I want to vent about Literally years and years of things iv had to bit my tongue about but all a story for another day
Just the other day my partners family had a gathering for Mother’s Day, things have been very tense with his BIL and SIL for a while now, we all used to be extreamly close but due to so many issues we have distanced ourselves from them to protect our little new family’s peace
My partner and I have a 6 month old baby and my BIL and his partner have a two year old, who is actually a great little dude, his funny adorable and full of energy, he spent one and a half years as an only grandchild to my MIL and FIL so jealousy of them showing our daughter attention is to be expected and completely understood
at lunch my MIL was on the floor playing with my 6m/o daughter and nephew, I usually hover but I decided to go sit on the couch ( where I couldn’t see them but could hear) and be involved with the rest of the family’s conversations, I was chatting to my BIL and SIL and everything was fine we were all laughing and getting along fine But next minute I heard my MIL say from where they were NO NO and my baby started and I jumped up and saw my baby going bright red and she started to SCREAM, instantly my MIL picked her up to bring her to me but I was already running over, my poor baby screamed more then iv ever heard. I was saying WHAT HAPPENED and she at first said “ I think she got a fright” she said my nephew had been starting to try to hit her and she managed to stop him but that time she didn’t, I said “ so did he hit her or scare her?” And she said I think he hit her face, I looked to see and noticed a very red mark on her eyebrow, my MIL at this pointed looked mortified and worried and said it was hit boot he stood/stomped on her face, by this point my SIL was over at her son trying to wrangle him up and telling him to come say sorry to my baby, which he flat out refused and started running away, she quickly then said RIGHT WERE GOING. And pretty much got in the car with her son and hardly even said goodbye, didn’t even check to see if my baby was okay,didn’t apologise NOTHING just left, my BIL did say goodby but again didn’t ask if she was okay, and it’s reallllllly pissed me off the more I think about it
I understand kids hit and stuff, I understand they through Tantrums and don’t always listen But the fact they didn’t enforce his to say sorry, the fact they didn’t explain why it was bad , the fact they didnt apologise one behalf of him, or even check if she was okay as one parent to another has SERIOUSLY pissed me off
My poor MIL feels responsible and keeps saying sorry and was checking in on how my daughter was but not ONE WORD from them? We have a family group chat which they are very active in normally and later that night I sent photo of my daughter and you could clearly still see the mark hours later, they saw it and still said nothing or didn’t ask if she was okay
Am I out of line for being so upset? Am I out of line for thinking they could have done more?
Am I just mad because it’s my baby and I’m in mama bear mode? Help!

Since the amount of flair options is a bit limited, I figured I go with this one? So sorry if it's the wrong one. But I need some advice and I figured the potatoes (and maybe even potato queen) know best. Also, this is probably going to be long (because speaking/typing coherently is not my forte), so I apologise in advance.
I'm (32F, probably adhd, maybe on the spectrum, idk if that matters; I am in the process of getting officially diagnosed or not) in northwestern Europe, but English is not my first language. As an adult, I've only been to 1 (christian) wedding (and bachelorette), for which I was present during the ceremony and the evening party. I didn't know about the formality at the municipality, but I didn't mind, it was quite chaotic anyway. I felt a little overdressed (my semi-asian/european noble upbringing is rather strict on formal attire for formal events; it's a long story) in my formal dress with tights and heels. I went out and handmade mr and mrs gifts, along with a home spa gift basket for each.
Now my second wedding as an adult is coming up in early July and this one is stressing me out. My friend (29?F), who I was classmates and secondary school friends with, instantly told me about the engagement, and subsequent wedding date when she could (more than 9 months in advance even I think). As a good friend, I instantly let my manager know I would be taking that day off for said wedding. She and I also discussed wedding dinner plans over lunch some time later. Now, we are not the closest (she is extremely busy with 2 jobs, their puppy and wedding planning), so I wasn't expecting to be included in any bachelorette or such. Months went by (without meeting and barely speaking because she's busy), and I had to ask her about the invitation, because I wasn't receiving one (I got scared I was no longer invited). She told me she had sent them out, but hadn't had the time to drop mine off, so I ended up receiving mine last month at the gym where we both go. Lo and behold: I'm only invited for the party at 8pm... In my experience (1 wedding as an adult and 3 as a child), weddings are an all-day thing. And from the way she discussed it with me, I thought that would be the case for me. Eventually, I mustered up the courage to casually ask about it, and turns out only 30 people are attending the ceremony, and like 80 (30+50) people are invited to the party. I'm not mad I guess, but it just feels weird to me. Apparently it can be a thing to do weddings like this, but I'm having a hard time getting comfy with that idea. It feels like I'll get to watch a first dance, grab a drink, and leave money. Which is probably a thinking error on my part.
The other problem with only being invited to the party, is that, other than the bride, I don't know anyone. She mentioned some people, and there might be 1 face I might remember from high school (we didn't hang out, but she hung out with the bride a lot). However, I have 2 default settings: confidently acting like I own the place or crying in a bathroom (especially with sensory overload; best case scenario for the last one is hiding in a corner playing on my phone). My friend is well off with her 2 jobs (and her fiance working), and besides her rather high-maintenance attitude for this wedding (and life in general a bit too; but I'm not close enough to have a super juicy bridezilla story), she seems to live life spending more than me. I don't care about that in general, since we can still do lunches together and chat (and I don't feel inferior in that at all), but her suggestion for me getting to know some people for the wedding was joining the bachelorette. However, she also semi-casually said it would be €100-€150 for everyone, without knowing what activity/activities is/are planned. As a student, I unfortunately cannot come up with that kinda money. So now I'm already getting worked up on how I might have a bad day during the wedding and just have a bad time for not knowing anyone.
And finally, along with the money issue, comes the feeling that I need to put a lot of money in an envelope as a gift, which I'm also uncomfortable with, because I feel I might/will be judged for a "low" amount since I can't afford €100+. I'd rather put a lot of time and effort into finding and making something to kinda "hide" the direct monetary value of the gift(s) and instead make it look like a more heartfelt and thoughtful one. This extends to what I think I need to wear. I feel I need to wear a €100+ gown/cocktail dress/etc. Which I am unable to find (since dresses are often too short for my liking, have long sleeves, casual/holiday, or are in white/red/black which I think are inappropriate colours), and the dresses I already have don't feel good enough to fit the "summer chic" dress code.
My mum suggested opting out, but I feel I can't disrespect my friend by being ungrateful by not going. My mum also said I must gift money (although she suggested like €25 since we are not thát close). All I know is that I'm confused and stressed out. I don't want to disrespect my friend, but I'm also desperately trying to find a way to mentally prepare for this wedding.
So: - How do I get comfortable being only a party guest (especially if I don't know anyone)? - What is the best way to go about the wedding gift? - Would it be okay to wear a (formal) dress I already own?
Sorry again if it's too long fellow potatoes, but the other wedding subreddits don't feel like the right place. I'm really at my wits' end. Please help a potato out! :(

Me (18f) and my ex (18m) broke up a little over a month ago after a 1 month relationship due to his parents not allowing our relationship. We decided to remain friends and everything was cool between us, though he admitted to still having feelings for me. I still had his stuff and so did he but he didn’t really care if I kept it or not.
2 weeks later, I was having lunch with my friends when one of them told me out of nowhere that my ex was dating another girl. And that I needed to stop talking to him. I knew who the new gf was, she was friends with me during elementary and she was also my Ex’s best friend since middle school.
I was devastated and I started to question the whole validity of our past relationship. In the heat of my emotions, I texted him telling him that I take back everything I said when we were together and that I lied before deleting his contacts. I regret it since it wasn’t true at all, I was just hurt and just trying to save myself. Afterwards I was told landing on asking him if I can get stuff back but finals and band auditions got in the way so I held off on it.
A week later I passed by his new gf in the halls and I noticed that she was wearing the same bracelet I wore before I gave it to my ex when we’re still together. Seeing my bracelet on her wrist made me so angry but I was already dealing with enough already with finals and family drama that I just buried my feelings.
Right now I’m doing way better, I’m over this whole thing now for the most part. I talked to my friends, family and counselors about my situation and they gave me the best advice they could give and supported me. this semester is also coming to an end so I’ll have plenty of time to focus on my goals this summer. But I’m gonna hold off on relationships for while, especially after experiencing my first heartbreak. Never wanna feel that much pain again.
Bonus: my best friend offered to pop the bracelet for me when I told her, got a good laugh out of me.

I (M27) and Tasha (F26) have been friends for 7-8 years, coworkers for 6 years and we didn't talk to each other from May 2019 to June or July 2020, we are good now, we play together, we tease each other and we can talk to each other about anything, at least we were good until 3 weeks ago... I don't know what happened.
I've posted in TrueOfMyChest about her, about how she's weird when it comes to her boyfriend and me, she just keeps us away from each other for reasons I don't know nor understand, but I don't think this has anything to do with that.
You see, like 2 months ago, a coworker, Travis (M29), from the afternoon shift switched to our shift, the morning shift, I get along with him really well, he is that kind of person that you feel you've known since forever when it's been a couple days, so we've been hanging at work together like 50% of our free time. My relationship with Tasha didn't changed and she likes Travis too so she would join us when she could.
Anyways, Travis, supposedly, switched shifts because Ryan (M26), another coworker, was taking Travis spot in the afternoon shift; Tasha and Ryan became really good friends the moment Ryan arrived at the company (2018) and it makes sense, they sit next to each other and they work together most of the time. But then again, my relationship with Tasha didn't changed, and I don't mind Ryan, I don't like him but I don't dislike him either, he just exists.
Now, back to the original question, Ryan didn't stay in the afternoon shift, he's back with us but since that happened 3 weeks ago, Tasha hasn't talk to me, at first I thought she was just tired, they have a heavier work load than Travis and I do but then another week passed, Tasha's energy was back to normal but she wasn't talking to me, I, again, thought it was because of her work load but that changed yesterday.
I'm a huge Critical Role fan (voice actors playing D&D on stream) and I was so into the episode I was so hyped and nervous for my favorite character and Tasha started mocking me, and I took her by her shoulders and was like "you don't get it, she could die, what AM I gonna do if she dies" I let Tasha go and then I further explain the situation and she just told me "... So she could still live, just keep watching" and laughed. It was the first time in 3 weeks that I feel we were back to normal. Later, another coworker, Santi (30 something) asked Tasha how was her shoulder, implying she injured her shoulder, you know, the same shoulder I took while I was holding on to when I was freaking out about Critical Role, I felt AWFUL, I don't wanna hurt her but she didn't tell me she was injured, not when I grabbed her, not after I let her go, not before any of that happened, I don't know anything about her life because she's not talking to me.
I know I should apologize but I didn't know she was injured, I don't know why she's not talking to me, maybe she thinks I don't want her anymore now that I have Travis, maybe she thinks we're growing apart, maybe something else happened and now she's trying to cut me off of her life, I don't know, and I feel like if I ask, I'm crossing some kind of boundary she's setting... Or maybe I'm just an overthinker idiot and should talk to her... She's one of the 4 friends that I've managed to keep from University, I really don't wanna lose her and I hate not knowing how to approach the situation.

Previous
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So, if you’re just joining us, I work at a haunted zoo now. Since I’ve gotten some rest, it feels like I’ve got my head on straight, at least, so I’d like to continue where I left off.
I sat on the floor in the office after meeting the ghost until I’d settled my rattled mind (and realized I’d forgotten to ask her name, how rude is that?). I took a deep breath and got up off the floor. Walking over and falling into the rolling chair in front of the large screen of camera views, when I brought up the camera that covered the area in which I’d spotted her, she was still there, and it seemed she hadn’t moved an inch.
Sitting there, at a loss, I continued to watch her. The ghost hung around for another five minutes or so, appearing to look at a few things off-screen, though I’m not sure what. Then she walked off into the forest and left the view of the cameras. I wasn’t sure if she vanished into the ether or if she’d gone looking into the trees to look for something.
But that wasn’t the end of the job interview, so let me jump back there. It continued into what kind of animals the zoo had, with Andrew asking me how much experience I had with dangerous animals.
I took a moment to consider the question. “So, ah…I’ve been going hunting and fishing with a neighbor since I was sixteen,” I told him. “We always have to keep an eye out for gators, bears, and hogs. Then there’s snakes, of course…snapping turtles… Since I’ve lived here my whole life and been aiming for a job with wildlife for a long time, I know a lot about the animals in Arkansas in general. But good advice for all of the above is avoid them, so I’ve had encounters, but I don’t know if you’d say I have experience with them.”
“That’s fine,” Andrew said, nodding. “That’s an answer I’m satisfied with. Now, the ghost was the appetizer, Ripley; here’s the main course. To start with, the pay isn’t twenty-five an hour. It’s fifty.”
Staring in shock for a moment, I asked, “Are you serious?”
“Yeah. But that’d be weird to post online considering what applicants think we need, so I halved it.”
“That’s… Okay, why?”
“The animals are already here. You just can’t see them.”
I stared at him for a long moment, some disbelief worming its way into my expression, before saying, “Sorry, what?”
“There’s a chance you’d naturally never see them, or at least some of them,” he continued casually. “It depends on both your genetics and how long you stay on the job. I can naturally see six of them, but that’s it. Suzanne can see all of them, and more. Some are what people would label demons or ghosts. Or magic. Mostly you’d call them cryptids. The ghost was just a warm-up; I mentioned her first because it never takes more than a week to see her if you work the night shift. If you manage to handle her okay, soon you’ll be able to see the animals too. The more time you spend on the grounds, for weird reasons,” he said, wiggling his fingers in the direction of the back door, “the more you’ll be able to see.”
“So, this…this is a zoo for cryptids,” I echoed slowly. He nodded once, waiting to find out what kind of reaction I would have. I gestured vaguely around the room. “If this is a hidden camera show, will you cut me a check for showing up and participating?”
Andrew coughed out a chuckle and shook his head. “No joke. There are a ton of stories out there that have been written to death, pulverized until they’re not the Grimm stories of old and instead they’re Disney films. A lot of those stories come from what some humans have seen. There are dozens of other worlds pressed up against ours, and occasionally things come through by accident. If they’re smart, they’ll lay low and then make their way back when they can. If not, they become local folklore until someone helps them back. I’m just from London, but Suzanne is from somewhere else. She hires people like us for this zoo. Humans.”
Sighing, I shook my head. “That makes no sense. Why would she hire a muggle for a magic zoo?”
Andrew burst out laughing at that, and then waited to gather himself before he continued. “Fair point, but this is less about magic and more about animals, and you’re missing some information that will explain it. First of all, if I misjudge an employee, and they think they can make bank by outing the endangered and valuable animals we have, it’s easy to relocate the zoo.”
“Because magic?” I asked.
“Exactly,” he replied, ignoring the thread of skepticism in my tone. “That means it isn’t the end of the world if that happened, though it is a pain in the arse. But second…let me ask you a question. Speaking of reality shows, say the Discovery Channel put out a call to replace Steve Irwin when he passed. Imagine they had a line out the door,” he said with a gesture, “of people who thought they had the skill and natural talent to replace him, to take on everything he’d been doing his whole life. How many do you reckon would lose an arm, a leg, or their life, by the end of the day?”
My lips parted in surprise and I narrowed my eyes at him. “You’re saying people from…wherever…they’re just as dumb as humans, but they’re worse, because they actually think they can handle these things.”
Andrew pointed the pen at me. “Things. Exactly. You called them things. Suzanne and her friends grew up with them and would call them animals. These animals have dispositions and temperaments that we’ve studied for as long as there have been scientists. Where Suzanne’s from, they know the weaknesses of these animals, and also they’re in enclosures here, even if you and I can’t see the walls because they’re invisible things called ‘wards’. If I hire someone who’s got magic on top of all that, they’ll have almost no instinctive fear.
“Everything here is nocturnal, and every one of them is a hunter. Some of these things? Humans see them and they pass out. Not that I want you passing out, but I need someone who is scared of these things, who knows to stay out of the enclosures no matter what. Not someone who thinks they can train them to do tricks, who gets close enough for them to grab a mouthful of hair and drown them. Once, we had a night shift manager injured, and once killed, because they didn’t take these animals seriously enough.”
Thinking back to the Sea World orca incident I knew he’d been referencing, I remembered wondering how someone at that level of her profession could be so careless as I watched the video on YouTube. It made sense when he explained it like that. I hesitated before mentally throwing my hands up and going all in. “So, why put this place here, then? If they’re endangered and also dangerous, why have a zoo at all instead of just a small reserve?”
He pursed his lips, looking disappointed in me. “Ripley. You know that already. You already said as much.”
Thinking back through our conversation, I said, “The rich humans who pay top dollar to see supernatural animals.”
“Not humans,” he told me. “But people, yes, and they are rich, and they’re making donations and spending their money on a ticket here because everything we have is endangered.”
“So…”
I just let my voice trail off and my mind started to drift. Andrew remained silent, letting me do so. There’s that thing people say, ‘I believe that you believe it,’ which is just a kinder way of saying, ‘Bullshit.’ Parents say it about closet monsters. Psychologists say it to people who say they’ve been abducted and probed by aliens. I wanted to say it to Andrew.
But I also wanted a job. If it meant working overnight at an empty zoo, that was fine. When it came down to it, especially when I took the tone of our conversation into account, this was a zoo specifically focused on preserving endangered ‘animals’, and it was allegedly doing important work. Also, if this turned out to be the real deal and I started seeing the animals, I would deal with it, just like I would deal with an enclosure that had a lion or tiger or gorilla. If it came with a ghost and invisible creatures, I really didn’t see what the difference was, if I couldn’t go in the enclosures either way.
On that note, I’d like you to imagine a kid who looks at a roller coaster, watching everyone screaming and grinning as they go up and down and all around and they’re like, ‘Heck, I could do that! That looks like a blast!’
Then they get on, the first drop hits, and they realize they’ve made a terrible mistake.
“All right,” I sighed. “I can’t say I’m going to turn down a job just because it’s going to be scary. Especially not one with this paycheck.”
Andrew smiled. “Awesome. There’s an adjustment process for anyone working here, similar to a dog that gets adopted, actually. I know the general guidelines of, ‘three days, three weeks, three months’ in terms of milestones, until they finally feel they’re where they’re supposed to be,” he told me, “and you can think of your time here along those lines. I really think you’re a great fit, and once you reach the milestone of working here for three months, I’ll officially consider you our new night shift guard. And I hope you’ll stay with us for many years.”
I nodded and smiled at the flattery of an employer wanting me to work a great job for them for a long time. I’d never had a dog, but those milestones were well-known among anyone who knew animals, especially dogs. The first three days, the dog is getting to know its new digs, exploring, and decompressing. At three weeks, they’ve gotten used to their environment and are starting to get comfortable with their surroundings and the routines of the humans they live with. By three months, they know the rules and follow them, they trust you, and they feel they are where they’re meant to be. I could only hope to be so lucky.
I saw the ghost two days ago and she has yet to make another appearance (for those who are curious, I asked, and her name is Leila), and I still hadn’t seen any animals. I did hear one, though, I feel compelled to note. A growling roar sounded from the lake on occasion, echoing across the vast zoo, sending a shiver down my spine. Whatever that animal was, it sounded gigantic.
Andrew said there was apparently a group that wanted to visit for a birthday and they were offering a huge donation, so he let me know they were making an exception and that this group would be walking through the park that night. That meant I’d be watching people watching animals that, as far as I could tell, weren’t there.
It was anticlimactic. Even the three people who came for the tour just looked like people, not like aliens or something eldritch from another dimension, and I stayed in the security office the whole time. Andrew was the one giving the tour. I watched them spend about five minutes at each enclosure, the hour or so that they were there passing without incident. It was clear that they were able to see all the animals, though, since they motioned excitedly at each enclosure and spoke to Andrew, who presumably answered any questions they had.
If they could see the animals, that was that. There was still that niggle in the back of my head, from my twenty-three years of life never encountering anything like ghosts or cryptids, telling me that this was ridiculous. Waiting for someone to knock on the door, a camera mounted on their shoulder, to tell me that it was a big joke and they wanted to see how long I’d play along. But from all I saw, this was a real place with real, invisible animals.
I do carry a taser and pepper spray in my capacity as a security guard. Though it isn’t for the animals, since they’re in the enclosures; they’re actually for the rare instance of a break-in. Andrew mentioned that it had happened several times it the past, someone trying to steal an animal in the hopes of selling it on the black market. They’d been successful before, but apparently my predecessor Roger was good at his job, and mostly they left in handcuffs.
I’ll be honest, I’m not a huge fan of confrontation, but my job was to call Andrew and then confront the person, not kick their ass. That’s what the police were for, or rather, the people Andrew would call in lieu of police in certain situations.
Fifty bucks an hour. That’s the key here.
Andrew hadn’t set up direct deposit, since he was sticking with a strategy of waiting to see if I’d continue to work there once I found out myself dealing with the animals (I’ve decided I am going to just call them animals). Instead, I got an old-fashioned check after my shift every Friday. The number on the first check was delightful. I went out that evening and had a big dinner at the local diner, order my most expensive favorites on the menu and a big slice of pie for dessert.
When it came to the paychecks in general, though, I had this weird feeling of not wanting to tell my dad and brother about the fact that it was actually $50/hr. I previously mentioned that my dad, his name’s Nathan if you’re curious, works at a local grocery store. Our town has a couple food franchises, but I think its size is just short of whatever threshold Walmart uses to decide where to open. He earns $14/hr. and that’s after the tiny raises he’s gotten over the past thirteen years.
That’s not to say he’d feel bad about not making as much as me. On the contrary, he would be ecstatic for me and really proud. But, like me, he’d be suspicious. That hourly rate was the biggest hint that this was more than just a private zoo for cryptids. And as soon as that fat check cleared without problems, my dad wouldn’t be satisfied with reassurances; he’d want to come visit the zoo and look around.
I’d told him it’s a private preservation with scheduled (expensive) visits only and that it had only eleven animals, so he’d been appeased by me brushing off the idea of a visit. Also, I took a few photos of my workplace; one of the security room, one of me sitting in my chair, one photo of the many screens I watched, and a selfie where I was feigning sleep out of boredom, slouched in my chair with my mouth open in a faux snore. That let him feel like he knew where I was and what I was doing, and that I was safe.
But if I told him I was making double what he thought, my father would practically order me to quit. No job was worth my safety, he’d tell me. I was quite of the opposite opinion, however, considering how crucial any and all conservation efforts were these days. Especially with the steep extinction levels due to humans competing with other animals for space, not to mention climate change. Working in any job that helped preserve species and keep ecosystems in balance, or put them back in balance, was so important.
Then again, my father would also point out something I had realized right away: the fact was that I was working with endangered species that were not from Earth. I wasn’t helping my planet. To be honest, though…that didn’t matter to me. Especially after that talk with Andrew about why he hired a human for this job, I figured whichever dimension these animals came from had the equivalent of us, razing forests to the ground, clouding the planet with pollution, and leaving the animals with no avenue of recourse when yet more land was taken from them.
I really do hope to keep working here for a long time, though, and not just because of the money. I can’t help it; I want to know what these things were, and I want to work with them, to do the job of a zookeeper. The same way you go up to the chain-link fence to get close to a carnivore on the other side who thinks you’d make a nice afternoon snack. You just want to be closer to them, to experience that incredible, daunting feeling of being in their presence.
Unsurprisingly, it wasn’t long before I got what I wanted.
The day after we had the tour go through, I was doing my sweep when I saw the ghost again. She was sitting on a small boulder in the same area I’d seen her the first time, looking identical, blood covering the front of her slashed shirt, the wounds visible underneath. I stopped and stood there for a moment before I decided to raise my hand in a small wave.
The young woman cocked her head at me and raised a hand in the air in an imitation of my gesture, her expression showing a bit of curiosity.
She was low-key, seemingly not concerned with my presence, looking at me as a novel phenomenon in her world. I wondered what that world consisted of. Was she always here, sometimes visible and sometimes not? Or did she have another world next to ours, in the ether, where she left everything in this world behind and floated in her disembodied form? Did she still feel emotions? Was that really curiosity on her face, or was I projecting? Did she feel happiness? Fear? Did she have the option of moving on, or was she stuck here?
Many questions that I might never get the answers to. And that was assuming Andrew knew the answers, since I’d never met Suzanne Cooper and he hadn’t even mentioned that possibility. This place was clearly her baby, but I’m sure running it was a lot of work. Plus, if she was rich enough to own it, she was rich enough to have other businesses and charities to run.
When it comes to the enclosures, they’re all wrapped by a barrier of some kind, though never one that seems adequate. There was not a single place with the ugly metal weavings of a chain-link fence, and no stretches of circular razor wire. Instead, there are nice fences. Black iron, or wrought steel fencing in a similar style to the one circling the perimeter of the zoo, just shorter and with different patterns. Or a spaced picket fence, the wood stained in some tone of brown, or a split two-rail fence. As if to say, ‘This is the border of your enclosure, but we’re just letting you know out of courtesy.’
When I started to pass enclosure number seven last night, a young woman’s voice spoke, “Hello.”
I startled, unaware that I hadn’t been alone. “Oh. Hi,” I said, staring at her standing a few yards in.
She had been next to a large tree and I hadn’t seen her. This enclosure was behind a picket fence, and she walked through the large area of wild grasses and flowers that stretched across the other side of the fence. There were fewer tall grasses closer to the fence, which I guessed was because it had been tromped down by her regular pacing along it when there were visitors, or if she wanted to see the various enclosures of the zoo. Her sudden appearance was a bit weird, considering I had been expecting to see a cryptid and instead I was looking at, it seemed, an attractive Asian woman.
She wore a black kimono, the soft silk robe draped gently over her body, with beautiful patterns of cherry blossoms, more so over her left side, and red and blue birds with their wings spread. A sash wrapped around her abdomen, she wore socks and sandals on her feet, and her hair was up in those rolls that gave volume to the style.
I was no expert on any fashion, much less that of another country, so I just assumed it was all traditional Japanese clothing. Most likely, the visitors who came liked to see a certain time-honored style and that’s what she stuck with. Or maybe she played on stereotypes. That would be amusing.
“I’m Yui. It’s nice to meet you,” she spoke, arriving at the border of the fence and holding out a hand for me to shake.
I’d been standing about three yards away from her, and I’ll be honest, muscle memory tried to kick in. But I only made it two steps, my hand starting to rise, before I froze, the hand falling limply at my side. “Nice to meet you, too,” I answered, my voice quiet.
Damn. I wonder how many times that honey trap works back where she comes from.
The pleasant look on her face faded, and she lowered her hand. “You won’t shake hands with me? Isn’t that rude?”
“I mean, I kind of like my hand where it is. You know, attached to me.”
Her demure smile widened into something more amused. “I would never do something so revolting.”
Looking her up and down, as if more visual information would give me more knowledge of what she was, I asked her, “What would you do?”
“I would be less wasteful,” she said softly.
A finger of ice trailed down my spine, and I had the sudden image in my head of her grabbing my outstretched hand in an iron grip and yanking me over the fence, leaving me to sprawl on the ground. Then killing and consuming me efficiently, without a single careless step, the same way humans slaughtered pigs, using everything from the hog but the squeal. I was struck with a shiver at the idea of her consuming everything from me but my screams.
Slowly, I took one step further down the path, then another. Just as I got to a walking pace, though, I realized the woman had started walking too, in the same direction. I’d have eventually gotten to the end of her enclosure and keep going, leaving her behind, but she spoke up. “Are you leaving?”
I came to a stop, meeting her gaze again. “My job is to walk the zoo every hour. Then I’ll get back to the security room and stay there until my next walk.”
“Have you met the others yet?”
I hesitated before saying, “Just Leila.”
She blinked languidly. “That means nobody welcomed you here.”
“Andrew did.”
She didn’t reply to that. Instead, she slowly started to lean forward, and I flinched backward a few steps further as I saw insect legs start curling out from her back.
No. Not insect. Arachnid.
The eight legs ended in small ‘paws’ with tiny claws, a layer of hairs covering the leg from top to bottom, like any typical tarantula. I took two more slow steps back and my mouth went dry as the jointed legs just kept lengthening, until they were large enough to lever her off the ground.
My gaze had been on the spider legs, but my heart skipped a beat as I realized her human legs had melded together and turned into a bulging abdomen. Her skin was shifting to a carapace, eventually all the way up to her shoulders and down her arms, her fingers elongating and her nails stretching to claws. From there down, her body was that of a pale tarantula with pedipalps the size of my arms and piercing fangs in her jaws that looked like they could take my head off.
There was a moment, my vision blurring, where I was worried that I might piss myself. The part of my brain that still had its humor intact in that moment told me that I should keep an emergency set of clothes in my car, or at the very least, start wearing Depends to work.
“I show you my true form,” she said softly, her voice now raspy like an eighty-year-old after a lifelong smoking habit. “Welcome to Suzanne Cooper’s zoo. The night shift guard for many years was Roger, before he retired and the zoo moved, and I miss him dearly. What should I call you?”
I choked on my words. There was no way my throat was going to cooperate enough for me to clearly get a sentence out. Instead, I realized my legs had taken control of the situation themselves, unsatisfied with my conscious brain’s decision to stand and stare, taking steps backward. I backed up a yard, then five yards, then ten.
My mind focused on the fact that spiders don’t waste anything, and pictured my demise. I’d be wrapped in a cocoon, killed, and made nice and mushy before she had me for dinner.
The whole time, my brain was a frenzied mess, my pupils were probably the size of dimes, and I was staring at that tiny, pathetic fence between her and me. There was so much adrenaline pumping through my body that I felt like my bones were vibrating. The fence was, to my eyes, the only thing between us. The only thing keeping her from tackling and killing me. My only hope was that she’d do it quickly.
But she didn’t move. As I absorbed her innocent, polite words, the look on her face was calm, and I wondered if this was typically the way a conversation went before she devoured her prey. I wondered how many people she’d eaten. Not humans, not people from Earth, but the ones from where she came from. The fact that she doesn’t scare the shit out of those people means they’re staggeringly dumber than humans.
Finally, I rounded a corner, both relieved at having her out of my sight and worried that she would take that moment to come find me. When she’d been within eyeshot, I had at least known where she was and could run in the other direction. But I didn’t hear the sound of faint footsteps moving rapidly toward me. All was quiet, in that deep, smothering way that only an empty business in the middle of the night in small town America could be.
My hands trembling, I barely paid attention to anything but the confirmation that my surroundings were free of the colossal spider as I finally got back to the door. Grabbing the handle and letting my eyes dart around for about ten seconds and my ears prick for the slightest sound, I finally swiped my key card across the pad and went inside, shutting the door behind me and engaging the backup deadbolt.
Maybe that was why they had decided on keycards. If I was running from something and panicking, using an actual key or inserting the card like at a hotel would keep me from getting to safety considering my hands were shaking enough to mix a margarita.
Walking over to my chair, I fell into it, letting my body flush itself of terror as I looked up at the cameras. There she was, still in arachnid form, exactly where I’d left her behind that rinky-dink fence, casually looking around and slowly pacing back and forth. I stared at her as my racing heart gradually slowed, and a minute or so later she turned on her eight legs and walked back into the trees.
Whatever invisible fences the enclosures have apparently work, which is nice, because I wasn’t keen on getting killed by one of the creatures here. And that’s what brings me here, spilling out everything that’s happened so far. Because nearly passing out from terror isn’t something I wanted to deal with at work, obviously, but I keep going over what she did in my head again and again, and I feel like I reacted like a child who spotted a wolf spider on their bed. I started to worry for my overactive sense of self-preservation, at least in my capacity as an employee here.
The spider didn’t even try to hurt me, and so I was feeling a bit foolish. Even annoyed, actually, at the fact that I’d freaked out so hard and took off instead of trying to engage in at least basic conversation. I got the sense that she wasn’t at human-level intelligence, but I was never going to be able to hold any level of conversation with an alligator.
Sure, she did mention that she wouldn’t be so crass as to yank off my hand because she’d rather just have my entire corpse, but wouldn’t a wolf do the same if it was hungry? Wouldn’t any carnivore? Actually, they probably would’ve been satisfied with one of my hands. The fear here was from the fact that she turned into a giant spider. If she’d turned into Clifford, I would’ve reacted the same way, if not better than, meeting Leila.
With that, I decided I’m staying on the job. Considering how frustrated I can get with foolish people, it’s a bit hypocritical, and I’m being a bit of an idiot. But…there are definitely wards keeping them in their enclosures. Also, I signed up for creatures for another dimension, whether or not I believed in them at the time, and I will not let encountering my first one in an objectively boring way be the reason I quit.
The money is a factor, I’ll grant you. Of course it is. And I can’t spend it if I’m dead, but all signs point to surviving as long as I don’t do anything dumb. Also, yes, I’ll admit there’s a not-so-little voice in the back of my head that’s desperate to know what else is here. I never thought I’d do something like this, but finding out these things are real, I honestly do want to learn more about them.
Still, though, I decided to call Andrew at the end of my shift to ask if the pepper spray and taser I carried worked on a certain spider, as well as the other animals I’d yet to meet.
​
Previous
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/storiesbykaren

One year review. 9/10, would do it again.
Caveat emptor: I’m mid-30s. I have a liberal family and live in one of the good countries. I passed 50-50 before T, I had PCOS and I’m pretty sure there was something else going on with my hormones. So take this with a grain of salt and YMMV as always.
The good: - I got top surgery before starting T and started passing as a teenage boy from day one post-op. By now, I pass as my age as much as I ever did pre-T (I looked like 25 pre-T and look like 25 now). - I can grow a full beard. It’s still a bit see-through on my cheeks, but I’ve been wearing it short for a few months already. I think it will probably be full enough to grow long in maybe 6 more months if it carries on like it has. - Stomach is covered in fur. Chest hair is coming in. Leg and arm hair is disappointing. - I was X-shaped pre-T (shoulders and hips equally wide). My shoulders and back blew out and fat redistribution slimmed my hips, even though I haven’t been exercising much because of health issues. I went Y shaped in under 3 months and am now at a point where the Y is quite pronounced. Clothes fit like they’re supposed to now (shirts and jackets used to be 1-2” too long and a tad too tight around the hips, but no more; pants are still 1-2” too long lol). Even if I got no further fat redistribution, I’d be satisfied with what I’ve got. - I grew about 1 cm (measurable, not noticeable), 1 shirt size, 1.5-2 shoe sizes, 1 glove size, and couple of links to my watch wristband. I’m now a very averagely sized dude, if a bit vertically challenged. - I got facial changes quite quickly too, but it took almost the entire year until I started seeing myself in the mirror. I’m starting to look almost exactly how I hoped I would though. - Voice dropped to baritone in just a couple of months and I’m now a bass. - Menses stopped early on: I got one period on T and then nothing. - T cured my depression. I’m shocked how big a difference it made. Pretty much every mental health complaint I had is either completely gone or manageable enough it’s mostly not an issue. - T cured my menopause symptoms. The first noticeable effect was the cessation of hot flashes and sweating. - Family’s been mostly brilliant and my transition has been a non-issue. There’s one member whose main source of information seems to be TikTok though, and I’ve had to lay down a boundary that I don’t discuss trans issues with them. - I’ve experienced close to zero transphobia IRL. That might be down to being cis-passing, but the worst I’ve encountered where my trans status has been known is some rude customer service, which could’ve been just your regular rude customer service and not transphobia. - My dysphoria is 90% gone. There’s some lingering discomfort which is half adjusting to changes and half mentally lagging behind them. It takes a while for one’s internal body image to change, for example. Genital dysphoria is still there, but it’s actually a bit easier to deal with than it was pre-T, rather than harder.
The bad: - Still haven’t figured out a T dosage that would consistently put me in male the range, so menopause symptoms return between shots. - Atrophy set in at around 3 months and it’s barely manageable with local estrogen. I’m now actively looking into getting a hysterectomy + vaginectomy asap. - Acne wasn’t too bad, about the same as in my first puberty. The worst seems to have passed or else I’ve just figured out the skincare routine that works for me now (which is completely different from what it used to be). Bacne is still happening though. - Places where I removed hair pre-T have not filled in; I broke out the minoxidil about month ago and am seeing some progress. - Voice problems (hoarseness, tiredness, not being able to raise my voice, etc.) are much worse than I expected. I think I might have to seek voice therapy. - Cholesterol went up; it’s marginally high now. My lab values overall aren’t the best, but it’s probably related to pre-existing issues. - I had a post operative infection after my top surgery. Not exactly fun, but I still honestly preferred dealing with it to dealing with tits. 😂 - Bottom growth is disappointing: I got an early burst than then nothing further so far. Pre-T I was set on phalloplasty, but with the rest of my dysphoria treated, I have actually gotten around to considering metoidioplasty instead. But with the growth I’ve gotten so far, that’s probably not gonna be a satisfactory option for me. - Libido was uncomfortable for maybe months 2-4; I’ve worked out how to deal with it now and it’s not a problem. - Accessing healthcare is just as much of a hassle as I thought it would be. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, but what a ridiculous circus. 3/10 would not do again if it was a choice. No one’s been actively transphobic, but god damn the system is not set out to be helpful either. - Updating my legal gender was easier than expected; updating my new social security number at various offices (bank, healthcare, etc) has been a hassle. I’d rather attribute it to incompetence than malice, but at this point it’s definitely something. - Nobody’s been transphobic to my face, but the society absolutely is still transphobic and it hits harder now that I can’t pretend to be cis.
The neutral: - I’ve had to buy new shirts and jackets and replace all of my shoes. My shoe size is now one of the most common ones, which means it’s the first one to be sold out. 😅 I’m a penny-pinching bugger so I’m a little miffed even if it’s at most a temporary downside, and more of a change in which size to buy in the future. - With my dysphoria treated, I went from 5 to 4 on the Kinsey scale. I guess I’ll have to start calling myself bi/pan instead of gay. 🤷🏻‍♂️ - Men don’t flirt with me as much. :( Women flirt with me more. :) - I’m treated fully as a guy socially. It’s different from being a gal that’s “one of the guys.” There’s both male privilege I’ve gained and female solidarity and pretty privilege I’ve lost. - Many things have had a bit of a learning curve, and the beginning is awkward just like in the first puberty. Dealing with awkwardness and learning to navigate new challenges is orders of magnitude easier than it was on the first go around though, because I’m dealing with them as an adult with adult coping skills.
Bottom line:
Overall, the upsides were much better and the downsides were much less of a problem than I expected. I should’ve gotten over myself and my fears and done this 20 years ago.

The people involved (names are changed):
Jake – me
Tom – my flatmate
Kath – Tom’s girlfriend
Emily – Kath’s flatmate
TLDR (but context is very important for how the situation develops):
· Me and Emily get with each other at a party.
· It turns out Kath had forbidden Emily from getting with me. Since Emily went and did it anyway, Kath falls out with her.
· Kath ends her friendship with Emily. Me and Emily continue seeing each other.
· When I plan to go to see Emily at their apartment, Tom tells me that Kath is in a really dark place mentally, and the thought of me and Emily being there together while Kath’s there is triggering her anxiety, so he asks me not to go over.
· Me and Emily follow these instructions for months, while Tom and Kath continue coming and going to either of our apartments as they please.
· Emily eventually gets in touch with Kath to try and understand exactly why me coming over is an issue, since Kath has no problem coming to my place. Kath has a meltdown due to this and it makes her suicidal.
· Tom falls out with me because I knew about the messages that caused his girlfriend to feel suicidal.
(Skip to 'Late April' if you want to go straight to the crux of this post, but I do think it's quite an entertaining read).
Background Context
Me and Tom (both mid-twenties) have lived together in our apartment since I moved to the city last year. I’ve known him for several years and would put him in my inner circle of closest friends, so living with him was all just good chill vibes as expected - or at least it was for the first six months.
I met Tom’s girlfriend of several months, Kath, for the first time pretty soon after moving in. Although she was kind of shy, I thought she seemed nice enough. I noticed that Kath would seem to lean on Tom a fair amount when it came to support for her mental health (she had been diagnosed with anxiety), which of course is normal as her boyfriend. On one occasion, she had a particularly bad anxious episode during a group hangout, with Tom consoling her about it afterwards. Following this, Tom seemed exhausted, saying to me “I’m not a professional, I’m not equipped to deal with all this mental health stuff. She needs help from someone who can adequately help her deal with these thoughts. When she blows things out of proportion and she stresses out to me about her anxiety, it just ends up making my own anxiety worse”. He also said that he had even offered to pay for therapy for Kath, but she didn’t want to accept it.
I just felt bad for Tom, especially since I had some understanding of what he was going through. I had previously had a girlfriend who had anxiety/depression/BPD and put all her mental health issues on me. That girlfriend was also very manipulative and would mention suicidal thoughts any time she started feeling like she was losing control over me (just to be clear, there was no indication that Kath was acting in a manipulative way towards Tom at that point). In my experience, when you end up in a situation where you’re essentially acting as someone’s full-time personal mental health counsellor, it hardly ever ends well.
At some point in January, I met Kath’s “bestie” flatmate, Emily. I remember thinking she was cute, seemed nice and easy to talk to. We all hung out as a group a few times that month and I thought there may have been a little bit of a vibe between me and Emily.
So as you do, I slid into Emily’s DMs and basically let her know I was interested. I messaged her a week or two before our party that her and Kath were coming to, but her response was lukewarm so I just thought she probably wasn’t interested.
For context, I had recently broken up with my girlfriend in January, who had just got back from travelling for the last 6 months. Things in that relationship weren’t great before she even went travelling, and during the months she was away I had come to terms with the fact that it was best to end it. I waited until she was back to say it in person, as I didn’t want to drop that on her while she was travelling and ruin that once in a lifetime experience. However, deep down I knew I had wanted talk to other girls and explore new connections for the last few months, but obviously I didn’t want talk to anyone until it was cleanly over. Me messaging Emily was only a few days after breaking up with her, which I guess isn’t great, but in my head I had been ready to move on for a while, I saw no point in putting an arbitrary time limit on myself. I made sure to explain this context when I messaged Emily so that she was aware of my recent circumstances.
The Party (End of January)
So me and Emily end up getting with each other at the party. Initially, when I brought up me messaging her, she said “I think you’re cute, but I think it’s best we just be friends for the next couple months, since you just recently got out of a relationship, and we can see what happens afterwards”. But as the night went on, I guess Emily changed her mind, because as we kept talking it got increasingly flirty and we ended up getting together. Perfect end to the night, right? Not exactly.
At one point when Emily goes to the bathroom, she comes back into my bedroom saying “Kath is furious at me”. I ask why, and she says that Kath had basically forbidden her from getting with me.
Back when I first messaged Emily, she had of course shown Kath the messages straight away. It turns out Kath for some reason had a really intense reaction to this and was like “I can’t believe he has the audacity to hit on my best friend right after breaking up with his girlfriend! It’s so disrespectful using you as a rebound, it’s disrespectful to his ex and it’s disrespectful to me for hitting on my best friend like this! He was the only one of Tom’s friends that I actually liked but he’s ruined that too now!”.
Apparently, Kath had been used as a rebound before and this was triggering for her, so she didn’t want her best friend to be used as a rebound. She said “you can’t get with him, Emily, that’s my boundary.” Emily was a bit taken aback by the intensity of this reaction and was just a bit like “umm okay…?”. She tried a few times before the party to understand a bit more about why Kath had such a problem with it but didn’t get much further explanation than that.
Now, I agree that Emily was in the wrong for saying to Kath that she wouldn’t get with me and then went and did it anyway, and Emily also acknowledges this. Emily should have said from the start she wasn’t okay with this weird “boundary” Kath had set. It was a bit cowardly. Although given how intensely Kath overreacts to things, I can understand why Emily initially just agreed to whatever she was saying to calm her down. I can also understand how when you’re at a party having fun, drinking and realise that you do actually have a good vibe with the person, in the moment you might change your mind and be like “actually fuck that, who the fuck is she to tell me who I can and can’t get with?”.
Kath saw this as Emily having no respect for their friendship, by choosing some guy she’d just met over her. From Emily’s perspective she was choosing herself, choosing not to follow these nonsensical rules that had been imposed on her, and she was just tired of Kath overreacting to everything and trying to control her.
In my opinion, being this controlling for no good reason is pretty disrespectful in itself. Given that Kath’s reason for telling Emily not to get with me was because she didn’t want her to be used as a rebound…well that’s Emily’s risk to take, isn’t it? I can see how from Emily’s perspective, she knew Kath might not be happy about it, but it’s also not some deep betrayal, since based on the reason Kath gave, the consequence would only be on Emily herself. Emily had the exact same knowledge about my recent relationship status as Kath did, so why did Kath think she can tell her what to do?
As we get to further into this post and the real reason why Kath set this “boundary” is revealed, you will see why I actually think any argument Kath has against Emily for getting with me at the party is automatically void, but we will learn these details as they come.
Start of February
After the events of the party, Kath didn’t want to talk to Emily the next day when she tried to initiate communication via message (Kath tends to avoid in-person confrontation). Fair enough, Emily gave her space. Me and Emily spend the next day together just talking and getting to know each other more, and it’s clear that we vibe together and both feel very comfortable with each other, which is pretty rare for both of us.
I don’t see Tom for the first few days after the party, as he had been staying at Kath’s. When I do, I’m a bit surprised that he didn’t think much of Kath’s reaction at the party. He says “yeah I probably should have warned you about this beforehand”. We both agree that Emily was in the wrong for going back on what she said, but also that Kath shouldn’t have tried to control her like that. He did say “sorry I know this put you in an awkward position”.
A few days after the party, Emily again tries to get in touch with Kath via message.
Emily’s message essentially apologised for her actions, saying she was in the wrong for going back on what she said, and that she should have said from the start that she wasn’t happy with this “boundary”. She also said that Kath shouldn’t have tried to dictate her life and tell her what to do, especially when it’s something that’s none of her business, and that she is going to continue seeing me, taking the risk of being a “rebound”.
Kath’s response essentially said the whole incident at the party was only a small part of why she exploded so intensely, this was just the last in a long line of things Emily had done in the past which she had not forgiven her for. This was just the last straw for Kath because “it hit so close to home, so close to the love of my life”. She wanted things to be civil between them until the end of their tenancy, but this was essentially the end of their friendship.
Okay good, Kath flipping out so badly now finally made a bit more sense to me. Obviously, I wanted to know what Emily had done that was so bad to cause this, as any indicators of bad character would inform whether I choose to keep talking to her.
Emily went through these, explaining that these were incidents from their past that they had discussed at the time, dealt with and moved on from. I have cut these out for the word limit as they don’t add much to this post, but it was the most minor, nonsensical things (I can explain in the comments if anyone wants details).
In any case, I wasn’t particularly interested in what mistakes Emily might have made months or years ago, I was more interested in what her character was like now and going forward.
Early/Mid February
So here’s where the main situation we’re in now starts. For context, Kath and Emily’s apartment is in the city center, close to where both mine and Tom’s offices are, so it would make sense to go over in the evening and go into work from theirs the next morning, as Tom has been doing once or twice a week for the last few months.
It's worth noting that ever since the party right up to the present moment, Emily and Kath have not been interacting at all, avoiding each other in their apartment, only messaging for things like bill payments.
The first time I planned to go stay round Emily’s place was early/mid-February. When I mention this to Tom, he tells me that Kath has been having a really bad time mentally since the party, and the thought of me and Emily being there together triggers her anxiety. He asks me not to go over to their apartment for the next couple of weeks or so while she’s in this particularly bad phase. I don’t really understand what me going over and seeing Emily has to do with Kath’s anxiety (and Tom says he doesn't really understand it either himself), but I say okay fine it’s not that big of deal, I won’t go over for the time being.
Now, a valid question for myself is why I decided to keep seeing Emily, despite knowing that Kath had fallen out with her and therefore knowing it could potentially cause fiction between me and Tom. I don’t think I did anything wrong for several reasons:
· I suppose there’s the general visceral reaction against being told what to do. Like mind your own business, it’s not my fault Kath decided to get involved in my business. Why should she get what she wants when she’s the one being unreasonable? Why should we deny ourselves the opportunity of getting to know someone we seem to vibe with just because Tom’s girlfriend doesn’t like it?
· Before I even knew there was any issue at all, it was already too late; I had already gotten with Emily, they had already fallen out, and Kath already thought I was a dickhead. So what good would it do now to not see each other? Kath already didn’t like me (and she had also previously told me that once she doesn’t like someone, there’s no going back, they’re finished in her mind).
· In the initial first few days after the party, both me and Tom were kind of expecting that Kath’s reaction would blow over in a few days after she had cooled down. How could I have predicted that her reaction would instead continue getting increasingly intense as the situation went on?
· Frankly, I was annoyed at Tom at this point. He knew how Kath had reacted to me messaging Emily, so why did he just bend over and enable his girlfriends’ controlling, unreasonable behavior without question? If it was my girlfriend acting like this generally, I’d be like “why are you getting involved in their business, just let them do what they want?”, and especially so if it was directly affecting one of my close friends.
· Fundamentally, there’s no inherent reason why there had to be any issue at all? Okay Kath has ended her friendship with Emily and might not like that we’re seeing each other, but there’s no need for there to be any continued drama. Obviously we won’t all be hanging out as a four having fun like I had initially hoped, but that doesn’t mean we can’t just exist as adults and be civil? The only reason this continues to be an issue in the first place is because Kath is making it an issue for everyone else involved.
· Finally, I actually like Emily – from the first few days it was clear it wasn’t just going to be a FWB situation. If it felt like more of a superficial FWB situation, then yeah I probably would have just thought it’s not worth the drama, even though I thought Kath was the one in the wrong.
Late February
Over the month of February, me and Emily keep hanging out and getting closer. Whilst I was keeping a very close eye on her for any sign of character flaws (it was still possible that Kath could be in the right, even though her side of it didn’t make much sense to me), the more I got to know her, the more it seemed my initial judgment of her was accurate. I saw how she acted with her other friends, they all seemed to really value and appreciate her. I saw her helping out her friend in need of a fairly large amount of money without a second thought, I saw her going to accompany her friend for a medical scan they had, and generally she was really nice and thoughtful with me. Not exactly the behavior of an inconsiderate person.
Sometime in late February, Emily messages me completely baffled. She couldn’t believe that Kath had invited over a girl from their social circle, Dianne. The reason why this is a bit scandalous is because Kath is always talking shit about Dianne behind her back. And it’s not just “she can be a bit annoying sometimes”, it’s an explicit sentiment of how much she dislikes her, how much of a bad person she is and how much she wants her removed from her life. And she does this frequently, I barely speak to Kath and even I’ve heard her rant about how much she doesn’t like Dianne. So, she’s constantly saying this kind of stuff behind her back, and here she is now inviting her round for tea acting all friendly. I just found that so two-faced and this inevitably shaped my perception of Kath being deceptive.
Not long after I heard about this, Kath was round our place over the weekend. Me, Tom and Kath were heading off to our friend’s housewarming party later that day, with me driving us. At one point when the three of us are all in the kitchen, Kath speaks to me properly for the first time since the party, basically to clear the air. She says she doesn’t want there to be any bad blood between us and that her problem wasn’t with me, it was with Emily. I just say that I was cool with her, I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable with me or when coming over to our apartment, and that the situation between her and Emily was between them and not my business.
I wasn’t entirely convinced with her “clearing the air”, given that I had seen she apparently has no issue with being two-faced, but at the time I thought it was best to stay cool with her for the sake of me and Tom’s friendship and also I didn’t particularly fancy spending the rest of the day and a long car ride with awkward vibes.
End of February
At the end of February, Tom asks me how things are going with Emily and basically advises caution with her. He says that from what he’s seen she’s basically not a good person and she’s generally inconsiderate. I tell him I find that surprising from what I’ve seen of Emily, but I know it’s possible she could have just been putting on a front for the last month. I openly accept this, saying “I want to hear what you have to say, obviously you’re my friend and I respect your opinion”.
Essentially, he doesn’t bring up anything that I hadn’t already been told.
When I question Tom on why Kath thought she was a mind reader and assuming what my intentions were with Emily at the very start of this whole thing, Tom reveals he had since found out that the real reason Kath had forbidden Emily from getting with me in the first place actually wasn’t really to do with me recently breaking up with my girlfriend/using Emily as a rebound (Tom said this was a minor part of the reason, more of an excuse to base it on). It was more that Kath already knew beforehand that she wanted to end her friendship with Emily and was essentially trying to prevent her still being part of her life (i.e. by getting close to her boyfriend’s friend/flatmate).
Now it all made sense why Kath tried to “ban” her from getting with me in the first place. I’m not sure if Tom thought telling me this would make me more sympathetic to Kath’s side of it, but if anything, this deceptive behavior was even more of a red flag to me. As far as everyone (except for Kath) was concerned, her and Emily were best friends. Kath had even said to Emily a couple of weeks before the party that “she was like a sister to her”.
Tom didn’t seem to have much issue with this, saying something along the lines of “yeah I know she shouldn’t have kept all this stuff bottled up, but she doesn’t like confrontation, it makes her really anxious”.
After learning this, I think any argument for Emily being in the wrong for disobeying Kath’s instructions at the party is automatically void: Imagine having the audacity to be like “yeah I know I tried to control you by framing it as me being a protective friend looking out for you, but actually it was really because I wanted to end my friendship with you anyway teehee 😊”. In my view that is just so manipulative. No wonder the reason given to Emily for not getting with me made no sense to her.
When I revealed this to Emily, she said that she had been suspecting that was the case anyway, but it still really hurt to hear it confirmed.
Form her perspective it was like: “So was Kath holding all these grudges all the times I was consoling her for whatever mental health issue she was having at any given time?” (I wonder if Tom was thinking what a bad person Emily was when it was him and Emily staying up till stupid o’clock trying to console Kath who was crying about job applications a few weeks before all this kicked off). There are many other examples of things she had done for Kath in both the recent and more distant past.
Kath also knew that Emily’s best friend had killed herself a few years prior, and after going through the loss of her best friend, Emily had always said she was super hesitant to call anyone her “best friend”. Kath knew about this and still let Emily believe they were best friends, whilst she clearly didn’t really mean it, which I think is quite cruel of her.
Despite what I had seen of Emily so far, I still took what Tom said into account, and continued to watch her carefully.
Mid March
Another couple of weeks pass and given that my last interaction with Kath was her clearing the air with me, I thought everything was now cool between us. I mention to Tom at the start of the week that I’m planning to stay at their apartment later that week and he says “okay cool”. However, later that same evening, he once again asks me not to go over to their apartment. Apparently when he told Kath that I was going over, she started having a panic attack at the thought of me going there.
At this point I’m really started to get frustrated at this situation and again I try to understand exactly what the problem is, because this entire time Kath and Tom have been coming and going to either apartment as they please, so Kath clearly doesn’t have a problem coming to my apartment while I’m there. Tom again says that he doesn’t fully understand it himself, and that Kath doesn’t want to feel this way either, but she’s in a really bad place at the moment and me being there with Emily is really triggering her anxiety.
This makes no sense to me or Emily, because we obviously wouldn’t do anything to make Kath uncomfortable, and from our perspective this is just enabling her dysfunctional way of dealing with this situation.
Even though I still don’t understand what the fuck me seeing Emily has got to do with Kath’s mental health, I’m obviously not going to barge my way into someone’s home when I’m not welcome. So once again, I do as I’m told and say I won’t go over. But I do tell Tom that this situation isn’t going to continue going on like this indefinitely, and to me it feels to me like I’m being walked all over, in the sense of “oh yeah no worries, you two carry on going to either apartment as you please, I’ll just sit here like a dickhead and follow my instructions, don’t worry about it 😊”. He does say sorry and that he knows it’s inconvenient for us, but it's an even bigger inconvenience for Kath.
It’s worth bearing in mind that at this point, I could have responded to this situation by saying that if I’m not welcome at her apartment, Kath is not welcome here (or equally Emily could say to Kath “you can’t bring Tom round”). Whilst yes, it’s a bit petty, I think this would be a completely justified response to prevent a situation where we are being walked all over. Because what would be the alternative? They just carry on doing as they please indefinitely whilst Emily is told she isn’t allowed to have equal use of her own apartment? Now obviously telling your friend that his girlfriend isn’t allowed to come over is really a last resort and would definitely put a big dent in our friendship, and generally I have no desire to control what anyone else does, so of course I didn’t respond in this way.
Despite my frustration at this entire situation, I do feel bad for Tom because I can see how uncomfortable he seems during these conversations with me, he obviously doesn’t want to give me these unreasonable instructions. I can only assume he’s just trying to do whatever he can to keep his girlfriend afloat and prevent her next meltdown. I’ve been there myself dealing with a girlfriend with mental health issues, so I don’t want to actively make things worse for my friend either. However, I’m also worried that it’s likely to get worse for him the more he feeds into it and gets sucked into it.
At this point, the cynical side of me couldn’t help but wonder if Kath was being a bit manipulative and leaning into all the mental health stuff to maintain control of the situation.
· She seemingly is unable to give a reason for exactly why me and Emily being in her apartment makes her so uncomfortable. To me, this was completely indistinguishable from her just hating the fact that we’re together.
· All this reminds me of exactly the same kind of manipulative behavior I saw with that ex-girlfriend.
· She’s shown she has no problem with being intentionally deceptive – maybe if the entire basis of this situation hadn’t started off with Kath being manipulative she would have a bit more credibility in my eyes.
I know this kind of behavior is often not even intentional, and that it can be subconscious where the person doesn’t even realise they’re being manipulative.
(Still Mid March)
Now we get to the part that pisses me off the most in this whole situation. Only a few days after that conversation with Tom, for some reason Kath comes to stay in our apartment for the weekend while Tom was away at a house party. As in, it’s just me and Kath in my apartment.
Personally, I couldn’t imagine having the nerve to say to someone they aren’t welcome in my home because their presence triggers me, and then only a mere few days later actively choosing to go stay the weekend at their place while it’s just us two in the apartment. Like either my presence triggers you or it doesn’t?
Now to be fair, Tom had asked me a week or two beforehand if Kath could come to our apartment to hang out with someone from our friend group while he was away, and I said that was cool. Anyway, those plans fell through, but Kath still came over by herself.
But the main thing that pissed me off about this is that Tom, after knowing that I was already feeling like I was being taken for a mug in this situation, apparently didn’t even think it was worth bothering to check with me if it was still cool with me that Kath came round, given our conversation a few days prior.
If he’d at least checked in like, “I know it’s a bit weird that she’s coming to stay round by herself after having just said that your presence triggers her anxiety”, I still would’ve said okay, because I have no desire to control what anyone does. But it was just the fact he didn’t seem to care, saying “btw Kath is gonna stay here tonight” moments before leaving to his party.
To me it felt like he had spent the last month or so basically giving me instructions to make sure everyone caters to his girlfriend’s feelings, and yet didn’t give the slightest consideration to how this would make me feel. Part of me was thinking does he even see me as a friend or just as an inconvenience to his relationship at this point?
I spoke to Tom in the week following this, expressing how I had felt about Kath staying round. He did apologise and acknowledged he could’ve checked in with me, but he didn’t really seem to understand why her coming over like that was such a kick in the teeth for me. He said Kath doesn’t have a problem with me, it’s only a very specific situation that triggers her (i.e. me and Emily being in her apartment together).
Again I try to understand exactly why it’s a problem. Ever since the party, Emily’s presence in their apartment has consisted of her quietly staying in her room, quickly cooking her food and going straight back to her room. She doesn’t spend 2 hours in the kitchen making food like Kath and Tom sometimes do when he’s there.
Tom again says he doesn’t fully understand it himself. From what he understands, it’s triggering because her home is her safe space and if we’re both there it’s like there’s two hostile presences in that safe space. He reiterated that she is in a very dark place at the moment, and that she’s been having frequent panic attacks and suicidal thoughts.
Tom then says that Kath would be prepared to leave the apartment if me and Emily wanted to meet there, and Kath would basically get out of the way and come to me and Tom’s apartment instead. This did give me a bit more confidence that Kath wasn’t just purposefully making things difficult.
If Kath genuinely meant this, then of course that’s really appreciated, but I’m obviously not going to make her leave her own home and come all the way to ours to then have a 2 hour commute to her work. It’s so over the top and needless. I think that this clearly isn’t a functional solution going forward. What if one day when we want to meet up, Kath has had a long day at work and doesn’t feel like leaving her apartment (obviously, fair enough!), what if she’s got plans with friends in her apartment that evening? In any case, it’s still a situation where rules are being imposed on us, I can never just spontaneously decide to go see Emily one day after work or something. We still can’t come and go freely in the same way they have been doing for the past two months. It would be much better to understand why exactly it’s such a problem and see how we’re going to find a long-term solution, instead of Kath just running away from it.
The cynical side of me was wondering if Kath was just saying this knowing that neither me or Emily are realistically going to make her leave her own home, and if we do agree to it, then she can say “oh look how inconsiderate they are, making me leave my own home just so that they can be in the apartment”, ensuring that she keeps Tom firmly on her side.
Logically, I would’ve thought as time goes on, Kath would eventually get used to the situation and just accept it. Conversely, is it not quite understandable that the longer we have rules imposed on us, the more frustrated we become?
Once again say that I won’t go over and tell him that I won’t press this issue for the time being.
Late April
So now we get to the latest development in the situation, which is the crux of this post.
For the next month or so after that conversation with Tom, me and Emily have just been following our instructions and not pressed anything, whilst they continue coming and going as they please. One weekend we’re talking about the whole ‘Kath situation’ and we say “okay we’ve left it for a while now, it’s probably time to see how we’re going to move forward with this”.
In that next week, Emily sends Kath the following message:
“Hey, I appreciate this message might be uncomfortable but we need to discuss the fact that Jake can’t come here while you’re at home because I know that him and Tom have spoken about this but we’ve never addressed it with each other and I think it’s unfair that they’ve been largely absorbing this conflict this whole time. Can you please tell me what the exact problem would be and how we could make it work? At the end of the day we both pay equal rent here and I should be allowed to bring someone over, especially considering that Tom comes here whenever you want. We’re nothing more than just 2 housemates now and if you were living with a stranger from Spareroom such restrictions couldn’t have existed. I think I’ve let it slide and should have addressed it earlier, but it’s time we come up with a fair solution and I’d like to know if there’s anything reasonable we can do. I don’t want to go into other conversations about our fallout cause that’s done and dusted now, I want to strictly address this issue. Would you like some notice before he comes? I can’t always guarantee how far in advance I can let you know but I will do my best to give you enough time.”
Kath’s response:
“hey, I do not really appreciate this conversation being brought up 2 days before my birthday and I wish we can settle it today and not drag it on. And I do not appreciate you using Tom as a weapon to guilt trip me either. Please let me know if he is coming over tonight so that I can go somewhere else. As u probably already know I am in a really bad place at the moment and being in the apartment with both of you makes me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe. I’m already struggling to be there and I have been discussing with the agency about terminating the contract early, the terms have only been made clear to me today so I was going to message you about it. By paying a fee of £660 (£330 each) we can terminate the contract 12^th of June and I wish u will consider this. I will be gone from the apartment for 2 weeks. I would really appreciate it if you do not bring him over in the next few days as I said it will be my birthday and I will be gone for 2 weeks after if you decide to do so after this, please let me know at least 2 days in advance so that I can leave (pack clothes and everything), but do not take advantage of this as it is extremely difficult for me to commute to work – it takes me 2 hours on the bus”
Emily’s response to this:
“I don’t appreciate you using your birthday as a “weapon” to paint me as an inconsiderate person once again as you’re saying you were going to message me anyway about terminating the contract. You always have Tom round without any notice, without ever considering if it was ever uncomfortable for me given what’s happened - but now you expect me to organise our schedule around you? We can’t ever do something spontaneous or simply make plans the day before? Jake won’t be coming tonight or in the next few days until you’re away. I was hoping we could talk about why exactly this makes you uncomfortable and unsafe as it’s quite clear we wouldn’t interact with you or do anything to purposely upset/annoy you. You also had no problem being in his apartment with him without Tom there, so clearly his presence must not be that big of a problem. I am going to get back to you about terminating the contract as I have to figure out where I would go, but I’d love nothing more than to leave this apartment as early as possible too.”
There was no response after Emily’s second message.
Tom comes back to our apartment the next day and ignores me all day until the evening when he asks “Did you know that Emily was going to send those messages?”.
I say “Yes, obviously?”. He responds with “Right, okay” and starts walking back towards his room.
I ask him what was wrong with the messages, and he comes back and says “what the fuck is Emily doing sending messages like that to my suicidal girlfriend?”. He essentially thought the tone of the messages, the proximity to Kath’s birthday and the fact that we’re once again bringing up this issue of me coming round was out of order. He also said that Emily’s 2^nd message was implying that she was just going to bring me round without any notice anyway (looking at the message, no it wasn’t? It was just highlighting the unfairness of Kath expecting us to organise our schedule around her? None of the messages say that I’m going to come over, they are essentially just trying to understand exactly why it makes Kath uncomfortable).
We also did note that it was Kath’s birthday on the Friday (messages were sent on Tuesday). Maybe that wasn’t ideal, but we thought what real difference does it make? This is nothing new, it’s the same situation that’s been ongoing for the last 3 months anyway (and personally, I thought that up until the moment Kath says “okay sorry, I shouldn’t have imposed rules on you” then she shouldn’t expect that this won’t be brought up to her?).
I was a bit shocked at how angry he was and explained that we’re just trying to understand exactly what her issue is, because it still doesn’t make any sense to us. I bring up the general point about Kath imposing rules on people and expects everyone to cater to her feelings, whilst zero consideration has been given to how Emily has felt over the last 3 months, when not only does it make her uncomfortable as well that there are two “hostile presences” in her home, but especially given that those hostile presences have told her she’s not allowed to have equal use of her apartment she also pays rent for.
Tom responds with “but it’s not making Emily feel suicidal is it? Kath was having convulsions on the fucking bed last night after those messages. Why do you keep focusing on this tiny issue of coming to the apartment when my girlfriend is literally suicidal? She’s already said she’d make arrangements to leave the apartment for when you want to come over, and yet you keep pressing the issue and triggering her further”.
In that moment I was a bit taken aback and didn’t have much of a response. I kind of just sat and processed that for a few minutes, thinking “fuck, have I actually been in the wrong this whole time?”. Tom looked exhausted and stressed out, he must have been dealing with Kath’s meltdown the whole of the night before.
I say to Tom “tell Kath not to worry about me coming over while she’s there, I’m not going to, I’ll just leave it for good and won’t press this issue anymore”. Tom doesn’t give much of a response, but I think he says “I appreciate it”. He leaves for his two-week holiday shortly after.
I felt really bad that evening, thinking I had caused Tom to have to deal with whatever horrible meltdown because of me pressing this issue. Maybe I had been overly cynical of Kath, and she genuinely was just trying her best and not meaning to be manipulative.
When Tom got back from his holiday, he basically confirmed our friendship is over because I had known about those messages that caused his girlfriend to feel suicidal.
I’ve thought about the situation a lot since he left for his holiday:
· Looking back at the messages Emily sent, I think the tone is completely fine? Every single person I’ve shown the messages to has said they are actually quite kind and empathetic, and way nicer than they need to be given Kath’s behavior over the last 3 months.
· Tom’s reaction was essentially “how dare Emily have the audacity to ask for a reason why she hasn’t been allowed to have equal use of her own apartment for the last 3 months!”
· It’s true that Tom had mentioned that Kath had been having some suicidal thoughts a month prior, but I didn’t know that this would directly impact that, especially since I thought the message was quite nice and sensitive. Just the weekend before this Tom and Kath were out clubbing, having fun and they were going on holiday later that week. So obviously I didn’t realise she was still feeling so bad. How could anyone expect that simply asking the question of “why does this make you so uncomfortable” would result in this reaction.
· As soon as I did realise how intensely Kath had reacted, and what Tom had had to deal with as a result, I backed off straight away, saying that she doesn’t have to worry, I’m not going to press it anymore.
· Realistically, if this is how Kath reacts to being asked for basic fairness, then I think really she needs to be in a mental health crisis centre or hospital, not just carrying on with everyday life as if everything is fine, and certainly not in a situation where she’s imposing rules on people.
· At the end of the day, Kath’s mental health is not my responsibility, nor is it Tom’s responsibility. I think it’s unfair of Kath to have made it his problem to such a large degree.
Logically, I don’t think I’m in the wrong, and yet Tom’s reaction to this makes me feel like I’m going crazy. That’s why I wrote out everything’s that’s happened from start to finish to “audit” myself and evaluate each of my actions throughout the entire situation. I’ve looked back and don’t think I’m in the wrong for anything I’ve done. The only explanation I can think of is that Tom has been so deep in all of Kath’s mental health stuff 24/7 that he’s just not thinking clearly about this situation.

(Only Europe, Please) - short note - If you're not into reading or receiving long messages,don't read any further + Please If you don't want to read everything because of my post being too long for you & instead of reading It all - ..skip some parts - find another person to talk to.Let's respect each other and our free time. All people criticizing/making fun of me & other people - will be blocked.Pretty much as people questioning my post and giving me unsolicited advice.I'm not here for any conflicts and I know I can't please everyone - I know I never will.. However It's me who should feel comfortable in my new potential friendship & obviously someone who wants to be my friend - not the whole world.. which is why I don't need any advice from people who don't even want to be a part of my life. The amount of rude people on Reddit always criticizing others and making fun of them is unbelievably high but let me tell you something - NEVER let anyone make choices for you and criticize you only because you're different! Always fight for your dreams and never let anyone make you think you're worthless! It's your life and you're the one deciding what's best for you - If you want to judge me despite not even wanting to talk to me or give me advice better block me! I'm an adult woman and I make all decisions on my own.I'm not trying to "fit in" and be like everyone else - just to get more attention.Accept me for who I am or let go - is my motto.
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Hello guys! 🙂 (read everything before you decide to send me a message) Please send me a message ONLY If you're in the same situation and If your expectations are the same as mine.I want to find like minded people from Europe (Why Europe? Read my post to find out) I'm looking for something permanent (remember - you can feel lonely even If you're surrounded by others - If there's no emotional bond) I'm fed up of meeting people who never make time for me & only text me once or twice a week to ask me "what are you up to?" Out of boredom.I don't want to meet people asking others a million of questions like "what's your favorite movie?" Just to give them one word answer and ask them another question "and music? Your favorite song?" I'm looking for something "deeper" & different 🙂
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What kind of friend would I like to find? Someone to talk to on a daily basis - Someone who needs It & wants It just as much as me
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What are my expectations? I would like to meet someone in a similar situation – why? Because I honestly feel like only a person with the same expectations and a similar outlook on life would get along with me & because I feel more comfortable talking to people like me..Friendless people who need a strong bond - people without friends and partners.. Don't get me wrong…Most people deserve to be happy and It's good to have friends but people who have friends or families in real life are usually more focused on them (which is completely understandable) & have less time for others + I simply don't want to be replaced by anyone..I kind of envy people who can call others , true friends given I don't have an emotional bond with any of my acquaintances. Please send me a message only If you're not In a relationship and don't have friends for the same reasons I've already mentioned before
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Whenever I hear that others have friends I simply get sad because (believe it or not) If I had to choose between 20 people to talk to (acquaintances) and one special person - I'd choose that one special person without any hesitation .
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I also want to talk to others every day because..I want to see someone’s effort & be someone's first choice - not another person to have random conversations with..some people ask me "Why do you want to talk to people from Europe?" Well..Because I would like to see someone I'd get along with - In the far future - face to face :) + I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to receive a message - waiting 6 hours to receive a message is more than enough
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I'm by no means criticizing people who don't want to talk to others often / People who really are super busy & People who want to find someone to have unimportant conversations with - I'm aware that not everyone has the same expectations which is why everything you're reading now - is here for a reason :) All I'm suggesting is - I don't want anything temporary and I don't want to be the one always giving more than receiving.Listen people - I used to ignore being..ignored by others..always being just an option to talk to during tough times or moments of boredom.I was too young to realize that I was never important enough for most people that were a part of my life. I don't know who needs to hear this but..No one is too busy to make time for you! People make excuses to avoid others because they prioritize everything and (maybe) everyone..over them. It's true that most people are busy - but It takes only a few seconds to start a conversation (If you're into short messages) and a few minutes (1-10/15) to type a long message . Don't let anyone lie to you.
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Truth is that most people either don't like you enough to make time for you or just simply - feel no need to talk to others often but are they too busy? No..You don't need to send me a message just to ask me and tell me "Do you really want to talk every day? I like long messages but I can't promise to contact you often" If you really are unsure please don't send me a message.I don't need more acquaintances aka people to talk to - occasionally.
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I'm not trying to sound rude but conversations once or twice a week wouldn't be enough for me and I don't need them... Let me tell you one thing – A true friend would never just give up on you for no reason :) It’s always possible to find someone to have a random conversation with – someone willing to send you one message once or twice a week..but..It’s almost impossible to find people willing to make more time for you.
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I’m not asking a busy person to make time for me by changing some plans! Absolutely not! I’m here to find someone who wants to talk daily (throughout the day or maybe even night) of one’s own will.Someone looking for the same kind of connection.Strong friendships are based on mutual support. One of the best things you can do for a friend in need, is just to be there for them when they want to talk.I often see posts from people who always say how friendless they are because they don't feel loved or appreciated by their "friends" remember! A true friend - someone who truly likes you or someone who wants to get to know you - will always find time for you.
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I'm not interested in small talk/short messages - I love long and meaningful conversations. It's so easy to find someone who loves abbreviations and questions like "How are you?" How was your day? Or what are you interested in? But so hard/almost impossible to find a person who knows how to keep a conversation going & show others some effort.Building and maintaining friendships takes time and effort.Never allow pursuits or possessions to become bigger priorities than your relations with other people.Close friendships are so important to us because they are so difficult to form + Having friends can help you feel as if you belong to something that brings purpose and connection to your life
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• I do NOT respond to any „Hey,hmu” or „u want to talk?” type of messages (super short messages or messages full of abbreviations – I literally can’t stand abbreviations and acronyms in text messages) ALL messages full of abbreviations will immediately be ignored.I also don't like it when people ignore everything I say in private messages just to focus on a random question or? When they start talking only about themselves and don't ever ask me anything. I love conversations with people referring to everything I say...I want everything I say and do - to be reciprocated
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• No NSFW profiles (checking mental health subreddits NOT included as I'm a huge empath and always try to understand others) - Please! I'm not looking for anyone to flirt with and I'm not looking for a partner either. I always check people's profiles (even comment history) - To avoid guys, trying to get inappropriate pictures from adult women or? flirt with them + I don't want to see you with no clothes on so If you're on Reddit only because you want others to see what's underneath your clothes - I'm not for you! I just simply don't want to see any s e x related activity on your profile If you want to talk to me.
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• If both of us (you and I) are from the same country (I live in a non-English speaking country) - I want to communicate with you in our first language! No - Not because I don't understand English - because as you see - I do. Why then? English is simply overrated and people don't appreciate other languages as much as they should. So.. If we're from the same country and you want to talk only in English (which is quite common on reddit) - Talk to someone else. I just don't want to talk to a person from the same country as mine - in a foreign language as It's just something I don't understand even If all you want is to improve your language skills
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• Please only adult people 18-36 (age range) It doesn't matter to me If you're younger or older than me (as long as you're not underage) So.. don't worry! I just want to have discussions with emotionally mature people :)
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• I don’t respond to messages I don’t find interesting even If they're long - If after receiving and reading your message I don't feel comfortable or think "I wouldn't get along with him/her" I simply do not respond (what I’m suggesting is that I don’t always respond to someone’s first or second message because..sometimes you just know If you’d get along with someone or not- I’d never ignore anyone after days or weeks of daily conversations though) just because I don’t want to do anything forcefully & because I don’t want to lead anyone on. I read all messages but I definitely don't respond to all of them! I want to make it clear because I don't want to be accused of not responding and not reading people's messages! - Some people don't message me back as well and even If It's a bit disappointing I'm ok with that! - as long as there's no emotional bond - Not responding to someone's first or second message Is completely OK! If people think they wouldn't get along with a stranger - is there a reason to start a conversation? I don't think so. I can't stand being ignored after days or weeks of daily conversations and seeing people changing priorities over time.. but that's something different - something I don't want to go through ever again for real. If I'm really interested in someone's message it's impossible to hear from me "I'm too busy" because I know myself and If I had no time for others - I wouldn't be here. I don't want to pretend someone I'm not and always try to find some cheap excuses to avoid others. (unlike most people who don't want to talk to others)
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• Don’t ask me “Can you tell me something about yourself?” If you really want to get to know me - you can ask me questions :) I'm an open book.
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• It would be better If you guys were into emojis - like me - to describe your emotions In text messages. Two emojis - 🙂 and 🙁 are completely enough! I just don't like emotionless conversations.I also don't like it when people say "yeah" or yea"as it sounds dismissively. First impression Is everything to me! I want to see your kindness even in a text message - Emojis are very helpful to express your emotions.I don't want to meet people who say "crying Is a weakness" - It's OK to cry even If you're a guy!
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• I want to talk on reddit first (just to make sure If I'd get along with you) before moving to Discord or some other app
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• I would rather talk to a homebody - not another person who always has something to do as people who are very busy don't even have time for daily conversations
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• If you're another person interested only in "childish conversations" such as "HEYOOO! I'M BORED! Ya like Pizza or cheese? xDDDD 🤣" I'm begging you! Don't send me a message.I'm not a child anymore and such messages don't make me smile or laugh.I'm looking for someone interested In serious discussions - not another person just seeking some entertainment out of boredom . Conversations with sarcastic undertones (even when It comes to some emojis such as 🤣😂) are not for me. Your typing style matters to me! Why? when It comes to online conversations with someone new - It's not always possible to know If someone Is laughing at you.. or with you. Let me tell you something else! Jokes about cancer, disabilities and death are UNACCEPTABLE to me. If you find joy In someone else's misfortune you are not a person I want to know.
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• Time response matters to me a lot! I would never ask anyone to be online all day long and I'm NOT asking any of you for any instant messaging as I'm someone who would rather wait an hour or two to receive a proper response instead of some short and pointless messages but I'm interested only in daily conversations and I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to get a message from you.I don't need unbelievably long messages either! Messages as long as the second paragraph of my post - are completely enough. If you like longer messages? you can send me a longer message, but If you want to send me one word or one sentence as a response to my post - don't expect a reaction from me. I don't want to come across as rude - I just don't want to waste your time
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• I'm strongly AGAINST picking on people you don't even want to chat with - and making fun of them! I can't stand people who criticize others publicly or make fun of them! (only because they disagree with someone they don't even know) There's no place In my life for someone using Reddit, to hurt other people
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• I'm not into foul language and I definitely don't want to talk to people who swear a lot...
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• I want to meet assertive people who know what they want and always stand up for their friends
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• I want to meet someone willing to call me In the future, someone spontaneously sending me pictures of animals or food, et cetera. I want more than just text conversations.. 🌻
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Why can’t you see any of my hobbies listed down below? Because what really matters to me is..who you are (If you’re honest, talkative ,understanding, caring and trustworthy – for example) just simply – It matters to me what you’re like! not what you like.Don’t get me wrong – you can tell me what your hobbies are but from my point of view - people's hobbies are important - If you want to find a gaming buddy or If you want to meet someone to hang out with in real life and..go bowling for example.What most people seem to care about are other people's passions – I don’t. I get along with other people despite having completely different hobbies but I absolutely don’t get along with people way different than me (different expectations and outlook on life – way different sense of humor or personality traits – It’s just an example) It doesn't make ANY DIFFERENCE to me If you're a gamer or? Someone interested in photography! It doesn't make any difference - > as long as you're talkative and kind and If you also want to find someone willing to stay in your life..for good - But If you're into small talk and all you want is to...type and receive super short messages or If you're here only because you're bored and don't know what to do + If you're a very sarcastic person - I'm definitely not for you! I don't get along with overly sarcastic people turning everything into a joke. Friendships should be natural – not forced. I wouldn't get along with people who laugh at everything.. In my opinion most people are way too sarcastic.. It's quite sad... Sarcasm can also be another form of passive-aggressive behavior.
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People who want to be to friends should feel comfortable and have something in common. No - not necessarily a similar taste in music or movies but something else..Most friendships don't fizzle out because of people not having the same hobbies but..because they just simply have different expectations when It comes to something important.I'm not here out of boredom and trust me - I'm not here to meet as many people as possible.I choose quality over quantity.I highly value myself and my time & Sometimes one person but a person who makes you feel comfortable and understood - is more than enough :) We ALL can choose what kind of people we’d like to talk to and maybe even become really good friends with and I? I don’t want anyone to be disappointed.We all have some expectations after all.I know that people don't have to talk as often as possible in order to become friends but I'm interested only in daily conversations. If you really need someone to talk to due to loneliness and If you have time to talk to me daily (throughout the day and maybe even night) I always make time for others.I'm literally always available.I could even stay up all night long only to talk to someone important to me. I’m ready to commit but only If there’s some chemistry between me and someone else.I don’t do anything forcefully.
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If you want to talk to me tell me your story - tell me why you're here, what kind of friend would you like to meet :) Et cetera.Such messages are way more interesting to me than...someone's long list of hobbies. I know! It's unusual on reddit but I don't make friends based on hobbies..I want to meet someone with the same mindset as mine to finally feel understood and get close to someone new. You can share your problems with me - I absolutely don't mind "complaining" as I've been through a lot in my life.What do people usually tell you when you tell them that something's wrong? "Don't complain" or "Life's not over yet - one day you'll be happy" or "There are worse situations than yours" and..obviously "Find a therapist" Life's not a fairytale and sometimes things don't go as planned.Emotions shouldn't be bottled up.I'm sick of people always telling others "everything's gonna be ok" move on " & more..Trust me people - not everyone wants to hear "Just believe in yourself and everything's gonna be ok" Some people take it as reassurance - but others? They would rather hear something different 🙁Imagine being told that things will be okay, only for them to get worse..Do you guys know why telling someone "everything's gonna be ok" Is wrong? Because you can't see the future.
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You can't guarantee others that one day they'll finally be happy + when It comes to social interactions - We're responsible only for ourselves - not others & as you guys know people let us down quite often (sometimes even when there's no reason) so instead of telling people how they should move on, forget everything and be happy or asking them to find a therapist - be there for them! Always be willing to listen to them If you really like them or want to get to know them & don't suggest everyone in a tough situation to find a therapist because even the best therapist won't ever replace a true friend + It's quite normal to be disappointed If people always do something to hurt you. Sharing your hardships with other people in a very similar situation or exactly the same one - is VERY helpful If the other person understands you & wants to start all over by just letting it all out! Feeling emotional support instead of always hearing some "positive quotes" or someone saying "Stop complaining let's talk about something else - Is very important! "Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. I appreciate sensitive people who always try to understand others. If after hearing a sad story all you want to say is "forget the past and move on" you're not for me. It's important to be a good listener and provide emotional support to others
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Please - If you're a completely different person than the described type of person I'm looking for (If you love abbreviations,If you don't need a stable friendship, If you're sarcastic and quiet) or If you simply disagree with my post - don't force yourself to send me a message.I want my new potential friendship to be natural which is why I want you to contact me only If your needs are the same - I don't want you to pretend someone you're not - only to please me - Pretending to be someone you're not - is the worst.I want to finally be happy again & find someone "always" wanting to talk - sending me random pictures throughout the day - food pictures or pictures of some animals. What is the most important to me? I want to find people who value online friendships as much as they would value real life ones as there's another human being on the other side
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No comments please.Only Private messages and chat requests 🌺
I know It's possible to meet people with exactly the same expectations as mine but It's just not easy because most people are Interested In temporary and entertaining conversations. People like me are just "different" I really want to finally find someone who loves emojis as much as I do.. someone who loves sweet, warm and serious discussions at the same time. Emojis really do - change conversations 😊

On april 22 he got weed from a “friend” of his. A couple days after i would notice his speech being delayed even over the smallest thing. I could ask, “how was your day,” and he’d reply 15 seconds later (which is unusual).
April 26 he told me he and his home boys are no longer cool. Apparently they were “hating on him.” But he would never explain how to me. The next day he told me he prayed. He’s not much of a religious person, but i am and hearing that he prayed made me happy. I was encouraging him. After that phone call, he calls again not even 10 minutes later telling me he prayed, again. I asked if he remembers telling me that 10 minutes ago and he had forgotten the conversation we had right before that.
That sunday things were off with him. He would barely speak. It wasn’t until tuesday i noticed he was ignoring my calls and texts. That night i rushed to his house late at night. When i got there his eyes were uncontrollably big like he was going crazy and all the lights were off. He was extremely depressed and cried out. Long story short he told me he didn’t trust me and he kicked me out that night (he’s never had a reason not to trust me nor would he kick me out).
Next day the neighbors said he was walking outside knocking on the door with only his underwear. He’s normally a very chill person. He doesn’t like to do too much. I took him to a hospital but they only found weed in his system.
He got out two days ago and now he’s back acting unlike himself. During convos he would zone out and look off as if he saw someone trying to sneak up on him. Then he’d forget what the conversation was about.
I’m his only family in this state but after this incident he went back to his home state. Now he’s still tweaking and acting like he doesn’t care about us anymore. He’s shutting me out and not caring about my texts or call (so unusual for him because he’d literally do anything for me before this).
Please tell me if you’ve had this experience and if you ever got back normal. 😔 I’ve been depressed knowing he’s trapped in his own head and he won’t talk to me.

What started as a panicked attempt to get her over-intoxicated friend to a hospital ended up in a disastrous car crash that claimed the lives of her friends... and a careless God crossing the street. But Sammi's adventure wasn't about to end there. In her dying breath, the God curses Sammi to take up her mantel. Now with her three friends resurrected as ghosts, Sammi has to navigate the tricky world of godhood.
Previous Chapter Next chapter coming soon!
Start here! Patreon (up to chapter 9)
I love houses. House flipping, house hunting, crazy properties in town, gorgeous exotic vacation destinations. I think in a past life I was a real estate agent. Or a carpenter. Interior designer, actually, probably. Maybe just rich?
Doesn’t matter. I love houses, and I was gonna get myself the best digs in town.
“Best digs in town might be a liiiiittle suspicious?” Joni said as I began adjusting the filters of my favorite search: Lottery houses.
“So do you… we’re looking for a house?” Cara was leaning over my shoulder, watching as I pushed the Rooms, Cost, Square Footage, and Bathrooms options as high as I could. “Cause if you don’t even own a place, I feel like saying you’d answer my questions when we got to New Olympia is kinda a blow off.”
“Not a blow off,” I said. “This probably won’t take too too long. I just don’t want to kick anyone out of their house that, like, is a regular person living their life.”
“Kick them out?”
I paused and looked up at Cara, eyes serious. “Please. The parroting. It’s making me nervous.” Then I looked back down and began sifting through various mansions, penthouses, lake houses, villas. “For sale or for rent?”
“For rent,” Blair said immediately. She propped her head up on her chin as she watched me scroll. “Then you don’t gotta kick anyone out.”
“She’s got a point,” Christopher said. “Both from a, like, humanitarian point of view but also from a logistical point of view. Whoever’s moving needs the money pronto to buy a new house and they’re gonna constantly be dealing with banks and shit. You’d need a new lie a day just to keep them off you. But with rentals and all, first off, landlords renting out ten grand a month properties are already making bank off other units. Yeah you’re screwing them over, but not as bad. They got a buncha others. Second, you pay monthly, so you really only gotta fend them off once a month.”
My thumb jammed the “For Rent/For Sale” switch, and I cranked up the rental price. “What else are we thinking for criteria?”
“Middle of town’s a bad idea,” Joni said. “Too easy to find us.”
“We don’t have to, like, hide though,” Christopher said. “Just say you’re both out on bail. I mean, the point is to find Miller and bring him to justice, right? That’s gonna take time. There’s no place far enough out of town that we could hide in for long.”
I squinted at him, tearing my eyes away from a sexy seven bedroom manor with two pools. “What?”
He sighed, as if convinced that I was in the wrong for not understanding what fuck he just said. “Like, think about it Sammi. We’re not actually gonna be able to hide. Or if we are, it’s gonna be in an alley or some shit.” He wrinkled his nose at the same time I did. “They’re cops with detectives and shit, and they think we shot someone and broke someone else out of jail. They’re gonna find us. We’ll have to lie, not hide, to avoid being put back. So may as well be local to all the action.” With this, he pointed directly at a lofty unit in the center of town.
Hmm. He brought up a valid point, so I checked it out.
A five bedroom penthouse with three terraces giving outdoor views of the entire city. Bathrooms that put the hotel to shame. Closets the size of my old bedroom. A pool deck. Appliances with fancy brand names I only ever heard on episodes of “Dream House” and hadn’t actually realized existed in the real world. Enough bedrooms for me, Cara, and the ghosts to each sleep separately.
For a moment, the enormity of it washed over me. Not just the enormity of the house, though it was enormous, but the reality of what I could accomplish. This apartment was twenty five thousand dollars a month. I’m not entirely sure I’ve made that much money in my life. Or, okay, probably around that, but that’s my point. This was the kind of unit rich people showed off in out-of-touch blogs or escapist shows about the lifestyles of famous people. And it could literally be mine if I could play my cards right. Or not even right. Just not catastrophically wrong.
Cause I was a God. And for the first time since becoming a God, I was using my abilities, my status, my familiars and shit to do something cool. Not rob a TechShack of some earpods or break in or out of a hospital.
This was a big yield.
As I had my little epiphany, Cara had taken over scrolling my phone, much to the relief of my ghosts, who’d started grumbling about the static screen while I zoned out.
“Okay.” Cara looked at me. “I’m not gonna ask any of the questions you know I want to ask, cause that’ll just piss you off.” Thank God she was learning. “So we’ll skip that for now and ask the really important question. How are you gonna get your hands on this place?”
–
Step 1 was to get to the place, which kinda sucked, given we were still at Pizza Dogs. It just wasn’t a very cool start to the coolest scheme I’d ever pulled off. Luckily Pizza Dogs closed at 9, so a solid number of people were leaving the restaurant. I was able to wave down a waitress who’d just checked off of her shift and convince her she was a taxi driver.
“You’re really loving this whole taxiing thing, huh?” Christopher said.
“At least she’s not talking like a robot trying to use slang.” I grit my teeth at the memory of Cops Cop and Taxi Service.
“No, you just told her she was mute.” Blair stuck her lip out. “That’s mean, Sammi.”
“I told her she couldn’t talk. That’s different.” I gave Cara a weak smile, but she hadn’t even commented on my ghost talking. She just buried her face in her hands. See? Learning.
Step 2 was gonna be actually getting in the unit. The listing on HouzeHunting didn’t exactly have the name of the landlord on it, so I was gonna have to get creative getting in touch with them. What it did have was ‘24 hour doorman service,’ which meant getting in would be easy peasy.
Finally we pulled up to the address I’d given our driver. 1732 East Windham Street. She leaned out the window, looking up the seventy story building.
“It’s totally appropriate for you to talk now,” I said as I scrambled out, towing Cara with me. No sense in actually making her mute for life.
The woman nodded. “You, uh, live here or visiting? If you don’t mind me asking.”
I flipped my wad of black hair over my shoulder, wincing at how singularly it moved. I shoulda combed it after my bath yesterday.
“Live here, obviously.” I gave a rich person kinda snort, nose in the air and all.
“Huh.” She looked back at me, rubbing the back of her neck as if it was sore from craning up so high. “But you needed a taxi to get here?”
“Uh.” Rich people used taxis, right? On the ladder from Sammi to Bill Gates, someone had to use them, and if I couldn’t afford a taxi normally, then the typical passenger must exist somewhere above me. “My fancy personal car got towed cause I was parking it in a fire lane.”
The woman didn’t look convinced. Not that she thought I was lying, but she still looked at me like I was dumb as dirt. “You don’t have, like, a personal driver?”
I cocked my head at her, trying to mirror Joni’s sassy tilt but probably just looking confused. “Are you offering?”
Her lips parted, and I could see her brain chewing on this question. “What do you… wait, are you being serious?”
Was I? Suddenly I wasn’t sure. Having a personal chauffeur could be kinda great. Someone always available to text or call when I needed a ride so I wouldn’t have to keep remembering where I left my car. Besides, driving made me nervous. I’d never been a particularly bad driver, no prior accidents, never really hit anything in the past, unless we’re counting bumper cars. Which we’re not, cause I’m a menace in bumper cars. But that’s like the point.
Or, no, the point was, I wanted to minimize driving, and this woman could be key. Of course, I knew nothing about her. What if she had a family at home and I told a too strong lie and she never saw them again?
But then, she wouldn’t be offering if she wasn’t serious, right? Sure I’d lied and told her she was a taxi driver, but the average every day taxi driver didn’t just ditch their families to be rich people’s chauffeur’s.
“Uh. Yeah.” I looked at the ghosts. Two thumbs up from Christopher, one from Blair, and two thumbs down from Joni. That was a total of one thumbs up, if my math was right. “Yeah, I pay ten thousand a month.” We could figure that out later.
The woman’s eyes shot open. “Okay, you’re actually fucking with me. You’re actually offering to hire me for ten thousand a month.”
I nodded. “Yeah. And you can… I mean, if you got your own place, you can stay there obviously but you could also stay in one of my bedrooms. I got some extra ones I was gonna give to the gho–uh, dogs. But I don’t have dogs, so you were next on the list. Well, a chauffeur was next on the list. But also if you’ve got–do you have a family?”
Each of my statements plunked out of my mouth like gumballs out of a broken candy machine. But she just kept nodding like this was a normal proposal.
“I mean, I had a boyfriend.” Her face flushed crimson. “Kinda embarrassing to say at my age. Thought we were–” She took a deep breath. “Thought he was the one. I’m not gonna say I was looking to have kids or anything, so I suppose age doesn’t matter, but that doesn’t mean I really want to start over. Five years wasted is all, and at my age, the well starts to dry up a bit. People look at you a bit…” She blinked. “I’m sorry, that’s not really what you asked, was it.”
It wasn’t entirely, but I was kinda hooked on the story now. “Yeah it was,” I said. “It was the first question in the interview, and you’re nailing it. Uh, you actually already passed the first round. Let’s take the rest inside.”
The woman let out a shaky breath and smoothed her frizzled hair. “Right, of course. Thank you so much!”
Cara had, thank God, kept her mouth shut this whole interview process, so I just towed my newly formed posse towards the doorman.
“My key got lost,” I said confidently and too quickly, noticing way late that there weren’t any visible keyholes anywhere on the door. “Uh…” I looked nervously at the ghosts.
“Just tell him someone said he should let you in,” Joni said.
“Yeah.” Blair smiled. “Carl from management.”
“No–”
“Carl from management said you should let me in,” I said, bowling over Joni’s protests. “I own that top penthouse suite. Suite 72. The one for rent. Or, not for rent cause I’m renting it now. And I called earlier because my key is broken and Carl your manager said–”
I stopped finally because the doorman had long since stopped frowning perplexedly at me and had just tapped his card against the door.
“Haha,” I said, verbalizing the laugh a little too hard. “Look at me, talking too much as always.”
He frowned again, but nodded nonetheless, before holding the door open for me. “Here you are.”
“Thank you so much,” I said, stepping in like a real fancy lady. “I’ve got it from here.”
And, because I was stupid and always spoke without thinking, he nodded and shut the door behind me.
So technically Step 2 ‘get in’ was done, but it was like, barely done. Like when your mom says ‘go to your room’ so you sit in the doorway. Cause I wasn’t really close to my new apartment yet, which meant a new step on the list. Step 3? Get into New Olympia.
Somehow a little sneaky ‘Step 3b, interview your new chauffeur’ had snuck on the list too, but that would be easy to finish once I got to the actual unit.
It was literally impossible to keep my jaw in its socket as we walked through the lobby. I was actually straight up speechless at how fancy it all was. There was a bar in the lobby, like this was some hotel! Given my experience with rich people things, it was either totally free or thirty bucks a glass. Still, it was pricey enough that I should probably have been charged just for looking at it. Even Cara and the driver had their mouths gaping open as they looked around, taking in the mirror shiny marbely floors and columns.
I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath, and really tried to capture this moment of peace and quiet inside the lobby of my new home.
“Blair stop humming, they’ll be able to hear you.”
“I’m using my regular humming, not my banshee humming.”
“My bad, shoulda clarified. I’m able to hear you, and you’re annoying me.”
“Joni, why are you always so mean.”
“She’s, like, kinda got a point. You need to get that stick out of your ass.”
“I’ll get the stick out of my ass when Blair stops humming.”
“Bro, it’s totally more than the humming, and you know it.”
“Is singing okay?”
“No.”
“What about–”
“Why don’t you just whistle, Blair?”
“That’s not nice. You know I can’t whistle.”
“Kinda my point.”
“Hey, be nice to Blair, Joni.”
Peace and quiet were overrated anyway. We were here for schemes.
My eyelids snapped open. In front of me was a big old reddish wood desk. The sign on it said “Main desk, open 7AM to 9 PM.” Next to it was another, more temporary sign, “Partial Service After Hours. Ring Bell For Assisance.”
My eyes drifted hungrily to the shiny golden bell. It was the kind you see in movies and shows, you press down a few times to summon the waiter or whoever sits behind the desk.
“Just once, Sammi,” Joni said, already reading my mind. “You ring it once.”
“But Joni,” I whispered, hand hovering over it, “I’m a God.”
DING DING DING DING DING DING DING
Seven was overkill. The man was there after the first two rings. But I couldn’t stop. It was too satisfying.
He regarded me with pained eyes. “Ma’am, you didn’t have to ring it that many times.”
“I didn’t,” I said confidently. And just like that, the pained look vanished. He didn’t look comfortable though, probably because I didn’t look like I should be there. Time to fix that.
I jutted my chin out. “Is there, like, a master key to all the elevators and units you can give me.”
The guy blinked rapidly. “I’m… sorry, you want what?”
“Lies, Sammi. That was a request!”
This is why we needed Joni and the stick up her ass.
“Uh.”
“Tell him that… I don’t know, someone from management said you could borrow a skeleton key.”
I smiled. “Carl from management told me I could have a skeleton key. A, you know, a key that opens all the doors.” I gave Joni a panicked glance.
She motioned her finger in a repeating loop and mouthed ‘go on.’
“And.” I swallowed. “You said you would give us one.”
The concierge sighed. “I know. I know. I just.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Carl doesn’t manage my department, so if this isn’t the right call, Sandy’s gonna have my head.”
I eyed the ghosts nervously. The lie had worked but it didn’t seem to fully convince him. “Sandy said…”
“Keep it simple,” Joni hissed.
“...that you would give me a key to let me in?”
“Right, please hold a moment, it’s almost done transferring.” The concierge paused and looked at a key card on his desk. He squinted before picking it up and beeping it against a little card pad. It flashed red. “I’m sorry,” he said. “The transfer didn’t go through right. One moment please.” Then he typed on his computer for a few very long minutes while Cara, the driver, and I all stood frozen by the elevator. After several breath-holding moments of silence (yeah, now the ghosts decide to shut up) he tapped the card again and it flashed green. “There we go.”
I let out a long breath before scuttling over to pick up my card. “Thank you!” I said, a cheery forced grin on my face. “Thank you so much! Remember, this came from, uh, Sandy’s boss, and she told you not to tell Sandy, so keep it zipped!”
He mimed zipping his lips as I waved again before rushing to the elevator.
Soon we were zooming up dozens and dozens of levels as my breathing came more and more naturally. Even the elevator was fancy. All golden mirrors, which Blair was staring at, disappointed that she couldn’t see her reflection in them.
There was no one on the seventy second story and ther was only one door, at the end of a gleaming hardwood hallway. My black boots clomped awkwardly as I escorted the driver–still in a bright orange shirt with a barking dog and a slice of pizza on it–and Cara–still in an orange jumpsuit–towards the door at the end.
Once I got there, I tapped my card, and we were in.
I don’t really have good words to describe the place. Huge, for one. Empty for another. Those were the two big ones. I could have gawked at it all, but I was a little tired of gawking, so I filed away ‘tour my house and get it fitted out’ for later. Besides, I had all my gear and shit still in my car… somewhere. I’d get it up here eventually and then the real decorating could start.
But there was a first step. Well two first steps. Okay, technically only one could be the first step, so we’ll do that first.
I waved Cara to join me in one of the bedrooms.
“I’ll finish your interview in like, fifteen minutes,” I said to the driver. She nodded.
“Okay,” I said, closing the door behind me and plopping down on the ground.
Cara stood awkwardly, eyeing the big ass empty room with a big ass empty bathroom off to the side. “Okay,” she said, still standing. “Do I need to–”
“No no, I said I would…” I trailed off, lips pursed and confused. “You wanted… Or… I was gonna tell you–”
“Oh shit yeah.” Now suddenly Cara was on the floor across from me, leaning in. “You’re telling me what the fuck is going on.”
My breath rushed out in a long woosh as I contemplated how to start this. Joni had made a snarky comment at one point like ‘pushing this off won’t make it easier’ and I’d responded with a ‘I’ll come up with a plan while I delay’ which of course I hadn’t, and now I was angry cause Joni was right.
“So the problem is,” I said, starting slowly. “Everything I tell you, you’ll believe.”
“Obviously,” Cara said, believing me instantly.
“But no one else but me knows what’s going on. So I can’t help but…” I trailed off again, noticing Cara nodding animatedly. This wasn’t working. I wanted her to believe me cause she fully understood and accepted my story, not cause of magic. But to get that, I couldn’t be the one to tell her, and the only other people who knew about my godliness were the ghosts and–
I smacked myself on the face. Sammi, you’re a genius. An actual, mensa accredited whiz kid.
“Blair,” I said, smiling. “I think I’ll offload this to you.”
Blair frowned, scrunching her nose up for a moment, before pointing at herself. “Me?”
I nodded confidently. Blair knew everything but lacked the Verity Tongue. This would be a sinch.
“Cara, how do you feel about a little ghost story?” I shivered a bit, getting goosebumps at my own words. Now that lead-in was brilliant. ‘A little ghost story’, who came up with that? I was getting smarter by the minute.
“Oooooooooooooh.” Blair zoomed around the room, and Cara leapt to her feet.
“What the fuck?”
“Bewaaaaare moooooortal,” Blair droned, pitching her voice low. “For the story you’re about to hear is both dreadful and awwwwwful. Fear for your soul for those who hear this story are cursed and will find themselves in an early–”
“Blair!” I shouted. “Stop that. What the fuck? Literally not like that. Like literally anything but that. You need to start with–”
“Yo, Sammi, dawg, chill.” Christopher patted my back. “We’ll help her out.”
“Yeah, you don’t want to taint the story with your god powers,” Joni said. “We’ll sort Blair. You interview the pizza waitress.”
Suddenly my genius felt like the opposite of genius. Yeah, delegation was important, but I did want to hear what the ghosts were telling Cara. Didn’t I need to know? What if they told her something totally wrong and stupid? Or what if they said something mean? Like what if they really played up the part about my reckless speeding? What if they lied about something? Made me look incompetent.
I opened my mouth to protest, but Christopher just gave me an icy pat again.
“Look, you’re gonna jump in to correct something we say, and it’s just gonna fuck up Cara.” He gave me a serious look, one of the most serious looks he’d given me since this whole ordeal. Which was honestly kinda stupid cause of all the times to pull out there ‘seriously, Sammi’ face, he was picking now? Was this really the right time for this? “Seriously, Sammi. We got this.”
I didn’t believe him at all, but they were absolutely right about me likely fucking this up with my motor mouth. No way was I sitting still while Joni made snarky comments about me, like, eating gross bagels or telling cops to steal poop.
“All right,” I said. “Come out when you’re done. Or if you need hands at all. Like if she passes out and you need to check for a pulse.”
“Are you talking to me?” Cara said.
“No. I’m talking to the ghosts.” And with that I closed the door.
Looks like Sammi's got a house! And maybe a minion or two on top of her familiars. Let's see how Cara takes all of this...

Not the best writter nor the most knowledgeable 40k fan, but there is my humble contribution for this AU
I tried my best for this, and probably have some contradictions with the lore, I probably missed some important parts or decisions of the community. I apologise if that's the case.
Not a native english speaker, sorry for the mistakes
Eager to read your opinions about this.
Disclaimer: I've tried to make the relationship wierd and to emphasise the following elements: « Is she... messing with your mind ? » and the possibility she might read OS thoughts (cf u/Sweet_older-Sister 's Magnus post).
Not everyone is promised for a great destiny.
For a scholar in the City of Light, being born and continuing to live on the splendid Prospero, learning day by day, exchanging with peers and studying hundreds of books and grimoires is a more than ordinary destiny, but one that is oh so satisfying. Add to that the occasional opportunity to speak with the brilliant minds of the XVth Legion, and it's hard to imagine a better life. Here, among all the scholars, there is one who stands out from the rest for his unquenchable thirst for knowledge. Friendly nicknamed ‘Bookworm’ by his peers, it's almost impossible to see him without his nose buried in a book. With his face hidden beneath the hood of his bure, he cuts himself off from the world and devours every sentence, every word, every letter that passes before his eyes. It is said that the only time he took his eyes off his reading was when warriors from the 15th were addressing him. Like many other inhabitants of the planet, Bookworm had an affinity with the Warp. However, his presence was no weaker or brighter than anyone else's, and he only stood out from the crowd because of his habit of reading all the time. He lived a peaceful and happy life, enviable in a way.
As the Lord of Prospero, Magnolia rules and lives on this world, surrounded by her precious children. Returning to her planet after another victorious conquest, and receiving a triumphant welcome, the Cyclopean Sorceress marched through the capital at the head of her legion before the astonished eyes of the people. The distinctive scents of Prospero invaded her nostrils, awakening a slight nostalgia for the days of her childhood, right up to the arrival of the Emperor. With her noble gait, she moved mechanically towards the Great Library, eager to find new things to record and archive. The fact that she was in such a quiet place, where all known knowledge converged, appealed to her spirit, even though she was obviously the source of distraction for all scholastic eyes. Her presence, so imposing and remarkable, was an object of admiration for all the scholars eager to imbibe her knowledge. Trying to ignore the stares, she browsed the shelves of the library, observing the bindings of the books that passed before her eyes, when, at the turn of a corner, she stopped abruptly, almost knocking over a hooded figure who didn't even reach her waist.
Not a word. Not a glance. Not even a whisper. The silhouette continued on its way, unperturbed, even ignoring the accident that had almost occurred. Initially disturbed by what had just happened, Magnolia held back a cry of protest and, intrigued, tried to probe the Warp to observe the small light that had just passed. This moment was as absurd as imagining a firefly shining brighter than a lighthouse, and yet... Carefully approaching the little firefly, Magnolia infiltrated its mind to see what might be hiding there. She was amazed to see an exact replica of Tizca's library, with the same shelves, the same walls, the same stone slabs... The only real difference was that there were far fewer books than in the original. Wandering around the place, stunned by the perfection this mortal had instilled in her mind, she skirted both empty and full shelves, until finally she found the mortal's consciousness, seated in front of an old desk, filling in the blank pages of a book. This singular discovery aroused her curiosity even more. She approached at a snail's pace and glanced over the shoulder of this strange individual before opening her only eye. There, on the paper, were words she knew, for she herself had already read them. The mortal copied and engraved in his mind the works he read, and did so with particular care, annotating certain passages to add his own thoughts. In this way, each book in her mental library constituted not only what she had read, but also the ideas that had grown from it.
Magnolia observed this mortal's consciousness attentively, amazed by what he had achieved, even allowing herself to leaf through some of the works already completed. Some might think that this person was a dullard who existed only through his reading, but there was a brilliant, if shy, mind behind it, preferring to keep his ideas and innovations to himself, whether they were good or bad. As the lines went by, a guilty pleasure sprang up in the Primarch's heart, as she read every thought of this curious little mortal. In a way, he could be just like her, and she saw this as a pleasant reflection in a distorting mirror. However, this same pleasure caused a slight disturbance in Magnolia's psyche which spilled over into the mortal's consciousness. For the first time, his silhouette quivered, attracting the Cyclops' gaze, then he pulled a small diary from a bag at his feet and scribbled the date followed by the simple phrase “feeling watched” before putting it away and resuming his work. Having witnessed all this, Magnolia did her best to regain composure, her curiosity having reached its peak. She bent down to search the bag, found the newspaper and, imitating the silhouette's handwriting, added ‘Thoughts about Primarch Magnolia’ and put the newspaper back in its place before leaving the mortal mind.
Her cheeks slightly redder than usual, the Primarch headed for her palace, ruminating on what had just happened. Why had she done this? How had this scholar managed to arouse her curiosity to such an extent? How was it possible that a mortal could worm his way into her thoughts without them having spoken for even a moment? She had no answer, but one thing was certain: she had to see him again and study him. She wanted to understand how a demigoddess like her could be so distracted by a mortal. The further away she got, the more the image of this hooded scholar haunted her thoughts, and the more a feeling of discomfort slowly gripped her heart, weighing down on her chest. The day passed, and not for a moment were her thoughts neglected by this mysterious scholar, and when night came, devoured by her own thoughts, exhausted by this new sensation compressing her chest, she decided to act. Sailing on the currents of the Immaterium, Magnolia rediscovered the glow of the firefly and once again entered her slumbering mind.
The mortal's dream was one of absolute calm. It was an infinite expanse of calm water, on which he stood amidst creations representing his desires, his plans, his hopes, his family... Everything here was soothing, and Magnolia took the time to observe every detail of each representation, discovering a little more about the personality of this stranger who was no longer completely himself. From time to time, as he fashioned a new representation, the scholar would glance in the direction of the Primarch who was hiding as best he could. A smile would appear on his lips and, in a whisper, he would resume his work, that night erecting an immense block of roughly carved marble. The block was twice the scholar's height, and seemed destined to represent a person whose features and details were as yet undefined. All night long, the mortal shaped his dream, under the curious gaze of the demigoddess. The next day, and the days that followed, she was unable to go to the Great Library, too busy as she was, but every night she would enter the man's mind to spy on his dreams, watching the slow but careful progress of the mysterious statue standing proud. She was spotted a few times, but each time, the mortal smiled and resumed his work in earnest. Was it a coincidence that the greatest advances were made after she had been spotted? This little merry-go-round lasted a few days. And the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months. Every night, the sculpture advanced, representing a woman whose facial features were still indefinable.
When Magnolia received the order to leave from Prospero, she demanded that a certain scholar be taken aboard the Photep, but, unsure of her own actions and refusing to admit her obsession with a civilian, she disguised the whole thing as a mobilisation order for new members of her ship's staff, making sure nonetheless that the object of her obsession was one of the new arrivals. When she saw him set foot on the metal frame, her face lit up, and she couldn't help but enter, once again, into the mind of the man whose absence was causing her such unusual sensations. Rushing over to the desk, she found, as usual, the little man's consciousness writing, yet her eye was focused on the bag at the foot of the desk. She slipped her hand into it, grabbed the newspaper and read all the pages she had missed since her first intrusion, and as the pages and days went by, ‘Thoughts about Primarch Magnolia’ became ‘Sweet thoughts about Primarch Magnolia’. Each day began with ‘Dreamed about Primarch Magnolia. Thoughts about her the day, and dream about her at night. Somehow, it feels nice’. The Cyclops' cheeks took on a slightly darker hue, moved and embarrassed that he was thinking of her too. As she put the newspaper back in the bag, the mortal dipped his hand in and brushed against her skin. He stopped, turned his head and met the Primarch's gaze. Under the shadow of her hood shone two supernaturally blue eyes, but in front of the crimson-pink red face, a huge, shy smile took shape. ‘I hope I won't wake up if it's a dream’ he said. Caught off guard, the Primarch held out her hand and showed him sparkles ‘Hu... Look little Bookworm! A cool spell!’ and then vanished in panic. The next entry in the diary was ‘Daydreamed about the Lady. She was cute.’.
Later that night, Magnolia hesitated to dive into Bookworm's dreams, but she eventually built up enough courage to do it. There, she saw the finished statue. It was a magnificent representation of the demigoddess. Her noble face was imbued with gentleness and affection. It was an expression she had never seen before, and yet seeing it brought a deep warmth to her heart. On the statue, from around her good eye and heart, sigils were engraved, describing in detail and passion the fantasies and thoughts that the scholar harboured about this divinity. There was an overwhelming purity and sincerity, and the more the Primarch read what was there, the more the fire in her chest intensified. She had finally found the answers to her questions, and understood Aurelia much better now: ‘Is this what she called love then?’
Deep within the Warp, a certain Weaver saw a string burning and disappear, then it chuckled ‘Not everyone is promised for a great destiny, but the Destiny watch over everyone.'
Hope you enjoyed it

First / Previous
Back on the job, my eyes kept going to the camera that was on enclosure one. Andrew told me its real name, but I think that’d be a step too far, putting that out on the internet. I’d just stick with ‘Steve the bear’. Whatever it was, I just knew I’d have a nightmare about it eventually. Last night I slept fitfully but okay. But I know my brain, and I’d already had a nightmare about Yui stabbing me with one of her legs (they are not needle-sharp in real life, this was dream logic) and walking around, having not noticed I was a Ripley-kebab on her leg. I kept trying to get her attention but for some reason I’d been worried about sounding rude.
On my third walk around the zoo, at about 12 a.m. I saw Leila again, who I’d been noticing more and more often. She never looked interested in talking, only walking through the enclosures, and by that I meant any and all of them. She didn’t seem to have a favorite. I assume that however much of her mind that was left over from being alive still gravitated toward looking at the animals, since getting too close was what killed her in the first place.
Then, in enclosure eight, I saw a new creature and stopped abruptly. This one looked chill, but I wasn’t about to make any assumptions. It looked unique in a strange way, shaped like a giant lizard but built like a big cat of some sort. It had an uncanny valley human face, green hair for a mane, and also a horn like a unicorn. It felt like something drawn by an imaginative five-year-old brought to life, but was still somehow oddly endearing.
“Hello,” she spoke, noticing me noticing her. Her voice was distinctly female and oddly deep.
“Hello,” I responded with false cheer.
She pushed herself to her feet and I took an instinctive step back, but she seem to notice, much less take offense. “You’re the guard here?”
“Yup. That’s me.”
“Thank you.”
I blinked, taken aback. “Ah…you’re welcome. For what?”
She cocked her head. “For guarding me.”
That was different. Most of the impressions I had gotten from the animals so far were that they wanted to eat me. And the idea that this one was thankful for me doing my job was refreshing, don’t get me wrong, but made me wary. Call me a cynic, I guess.
“My name is tàiyang. You can call me Sun,” she told me.
“Hi, Sun. I’m Ripley.”
Then she looked toward the sky. “It’s going to rain tonight.”
After a thoughtful moment, I asked, “Does that make you sad?”
“Why would it make you sad?”
I smiled. “Because your name is Sun.”
She paused and then said, “I don’t understand.”
Honestly, I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, telling a pun to one of the animals. “Never mind.” I glanced up at the sky. “I thought the rain is supposed to stay away from here. Are the ones who told me that wrong?”
“Yes.”
“Well that’s good to know,” I murmured to myself, thinking of my raincoat hanging in the security office closet. It wasn’t that surprising, honestly. Sometimes I felt like the meteorologists in Arkansas try to read the entrails of goats to figure out the weather. It’s all a mess and it’s all made up.
At that, the animal looked to the sky and fell silent. She appeared to be the most uneventful introduction I’d had so far, and I was incredibly grateful for it. Except then the animal kept talking. “He’s under a spell.”
I blinked. “What?”
She looked back to me. “Andrew. He’s under a spell. He’s very unhappy.”
I had no idea how to react to that. For a second I just stared. The sudden jolt of being told my boss was currently being afflicted by magic left me floundering. “He… What?” I finally asked. “Where is he?”
“In his office.”
Oh shit. My eyes instinctively darted in the direction of the main office. I always just entered through the door on the west side of the building, of course, since it led to the security room. It was unnecessary for me to go through the door that first led into the lobby-slash-office Andrew worked out of. Sometimes he even left early, so it was locked anyway. I had the key, but again, it was unnecessary.
Whatever had happened, assuming this animal wasn’t joking around (she seemed completely serious), I needed to establish whether she was right. Leaving the enclosure of the animal I’d just met, I quickly walked back to the small building.
Taking a deep breath, I knocked loudly. “Andrew, are you in there?”
The only reply was silence. I stood there until enough time had passed that it was obvious that no one was coming to answer the door. Taking out my phone, I dialed his cell number and wait as it rang. Then I grimaced when I heard it ringing inside.
Hanging up and shoving the phone back in my pocket, I stared at the closed door.
Trying the doorknob, I found that it was unlocked, and my heart skipped a beat. Andrew always locked his office before leaving. Opening the door slowly, the lights were off in the room, leaving only the faint red glow of the lights outside peeking around his curtains, so I turned on a light. Then my heart plummeted into my stomach, because there was Andrew, splayed limply on the ground, his eyes only half open.
I bolted to him and dropped to his side as he let out a whimper.
“Andrew,” I said, putting two fingers to the side of his neck. He remained silent, and despite his relaxed, wilted appearance, his heart was racing, and I wondered if he was in pain. The room smelled, and it was clear to me that he’d lost control of his bowels. I couldn’t believe I’d been working here for hours without knowing he was in the next room like this.
“Fucking hell. I’m so sorry it took me so long to find you. Can you hear me? What happened?” He made a small sound, unfocused eyes attempting to meet mine, but it was as if he were severely deprived of sleep or something, unable to focus. His mouth opened and he tried to say something, but he couldn’t speak. All I got was halting words mushed into each other. I felt for him; he must’ve been mortified by his condition. I would’ve been, at least.
The obvious solution would be to get Suzanne’s number from Andrew’s phone, so I searched him for it and found it in his right jacket pocket. I pressed the button the iPhone, swiped, and let out a sigh of frustration. He was security conscious enough to lock his phone with a code, of course.
“Can you… You can’t tell me the code,” I said knowing. He grunted quietly.
“What happened?”
I shrieked and jumped to my feet. Leila stood in the doorway, staring in shock at Andrew’s body. “You scared the bejesus out of me,” I exclaimed. I stopped myself before asking if she could make some noise when she moved or if I could put a bell on her. “What does it look like happened? Someone put a spell on him.” Abruptly, my stance changed, standing up straight. “Wait. Do you know how to get in touch with…anyone?” I asked desperately.
“I know Ms. Cooper’s phone number,” she said frankly.
My eyes widened. “Seriously? How?”
“Andrew gave it to me after I worked here for three months.”
That stopped my brain dead in its tracks. “You…used to work here?” I whispered. I remembered Andrew telling me that one of the night shift managers had been killed, but he hadn’t told me it was Leila. Whether it was for her own privacy or her dignity or some other reason, it didn’t really matter. What mattered was that I could call Suzanne.
“I worked here for three months,” Leila confirmed as I took out my own phone.
“Okay…what’s her number?” I asked, ready to dial. She rattled off the number and dialed it.
The phone rang twice times before someone answered. “Hello?”
“Hi, is this Suzanne?”
“Yes, who’s this?”
She had a British accent like Andrew did. I took a deep breath and said, “It’s Ripley Mason. I got your number from Leila. I’m here in Andrew’s office and he’s in really bad shape. Someone cast a spell on him and it’s like he’s lost control of the part of his brain that lets him move around and speak.”
“What?” she snapped. “What happened?”
“I-I don’t know,” I said, glancing back to Andrew. He actually looked calmer now, and I hoped that was because he knew Suzanne could fix this. “I was doing my rounds and I met Sun; she’s the one that told me and that’s why I came into his office. I don’t- Who would do this? What do I do?”
“It’s okay, Ripley. I’ll leaving now and will be there soon,” she told me. I heard rustling in the background, the sounds of getting out of a chair and footsteps. “Did you check the security cameras?”
My eyes shut in irritation against my stupidity. It hadn’t even occurred to me. “I’m sorry. Of course, I’ll do that right away.” Proof positive that I was completely out of it. Some security guard I was, not even able to keep my head in an emergency.
“Don’t apologize, Ripley, you’re quite within your rights to be discombobulated at the moment,” she said. “And I’d like you stay with Andrew, but I would prefer to know what happened. Leave his side just for a second to check the footage.
“Okay.” I crouched down to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll be right back.” His eyes flicked to me, but he didn’t make a sound. Getting back to my feet and walking over to the security room door, I went in and sat at my desk, putting the phone on speaker so I could more easily navigate the footage.
After fidgeting around with the unfamiliar aspect of the program, since I’d never needed to look back before and Andrew only showed me how to do it once, I finally went back to the point where the spell had been cast. “Okay, he walked into his office with two men at…4:08 p.m. and it looks like he was fine with it. He wasn’t under duress, from what I can see.”
“That’s likely Michael Wise and Eric Henry,” Suzanne told me. “They were allegedly making a donation, a herd of Bagot goats.”
“Allegedly?”
“Well, I’m operating under the assumption that they lied if Andrew is spelled.”
I grimaced. That was a good point. Watching them have a conversation, I saw Andrew tense, and then turn to dart toward his desk, but he only made it two steps before one of the men raised what looked like a wand, snapping it in my late boss’s direction, speaking something. As I saw Andrew’s body seize like he’d been hit with a taser and collapse, I hissed in a sharp breath. “Cripes.”
“What is it?”
“One of them had a wand,” I managed. “He-He did something with it.”
“I’m here, Ripley. Come back to the office.”
My eyes widened and I did as I was told, stunned to see her opening the front door. “How did you get here so fast?” I asked.
The woman gave me a small smile, rendered grim by the situation. “Call it a trick of the trade.”
“Oh. Gotcha.”
Suzanne was all hard edges, her pin-straight blond hair cut at an angle just below her ears, and she wore a smart blue pants suit with matching pumps. But then she looked to Andrew and her face softened, despair and fury flashing across it as she quickly walked to him and knelt at his side, taking his weak hand in hers.
“Oh, Andrew,” she whispered. “I’m so, so sorry. You’ll be okay. I already texted a healer and asked her to come by. A friend of mine named Janine.”
I looked back to Andrew’s face, his eyes open and his expression one of exhaustion, but then quickly looked to Suzanne. “Why would someone do this?” I asked.
“I have a feeling at least one of our animals is missing,” she told me, her voice low and hard.
Anger flared up in me. “What?” I asked tersely. I glanced back in the direction of the cameras. “Should we check the cameras to see which enclosure they went to? Do we- Are there cops you can call for this? What do we do?”
Suzanne’s face slowly faded to sadness. “I’ll take care of it,” she said. “You’re accurate in that I do have a different police I’ll call about this. But there’s a good chance we won’t get the animal back.”
“Wait, why? Come on, there’s got to be magic you could do, right?” I asked anxiously.
“The animal will have been warded and sold to someone immediately,” she explained. “They would’ve had a buyer set up, and gone straight there to reduce the risk of being caught with it. Anyone who is buying an animal like this is extremely powerful, which means that even if we catch the men who stole it, they’d go to prison, but they wouldn’t risk angering the buyer. They won’t tell the authorities who it was, even for a lesser sentence. Losing an animal to robbery has only happened twice in the zoo’s history, this is the third time, but that’s how it played out both times. Actually, in the first instance, the police didn’t even catch the people who took it, since they were wearing masks.”
Just then, there was a knock at the door, and Suzanne pushed herself to her feet, walking over and opening it without hesitation. “He’s in here.” I took the opportunity to open the windows and turned down the thermostat so it would start displacing the smelly air.
A woman walked in, Janine presumably. “Oh, goodness,” she breathed, going quickly to Andrew. She took his pulse with one hand as she pulled a wand out from her purse with the other. “It’s good he’s staying calm. Redire orior can be terrifying to be subjected to.”
“He wasn’t calm when I got here,” I told her quietly. “I’ve been here for hours and didn’t know he was here until just a few minutes ago.”
Janine swore softly. “All right. Let me get started.”
I didn’t know what that meant, so I turned to Suzanne. “What did she call this?”
“The spell is ‘redire orior’. It’s a regression of part of the mind, basically all the way back to when we were first born,” she said tightly, anger flickering across her face. “He has no more control over his body than he did when he was a newborn baby.”
I grimaced, looking back to him. “Oh my god,” I whispered. It meant exactly what it had looked like when I’d walked in: Andrew had been rendered completely helpless. Rage welled up inside me, despising the men who’d done this and wishing desperately that Suzanne had been more confident in finding them.
Suzanne took the opportunity to walk into the security office and I heard her sit in my chair. Janine put down her wand to have both hands free and told Andrew, “Just relax, concentrate on breathing slowly,” she said, carefully pulling both of his legs out and rolling him onto his back. She then put his arms at his sides and, picking up her wand, pointed it at his forehead.
I took in a sharp breath of surprise as I saw a faint glow coming from the wand, through the top of it and then to Andrew’s forehead. She held that position for a while, muttering under her breath.
A few minutes later, Suzanne came out and took her phone from her pocket, saying, “I don’t recognize either of the men in the footage. But they seemed distressed, particularly the one that didn’t hurt Andrew. I don’t think that’s what was meant to happen.”
“Meant to or not, it happened,” I muttered through clenched teeth. I’d already decided that my new to-do list every day included first checking the office cameras.
“Andrew,” Janine said, letting the glow fade. “Can you speak?”
“I…yeah,” he whispered.
Suzanne came over to my side. “Thank goodness. How are you feeling? How’s the vertigo?”
“Pretty much gone,” he said, closing his eyes for a long moment, though he didn’t try to stand up.
“Andrew, I pulled up the cameras in the office and listened to the audio,” she told him. “I know what happened.”
My eyebrows furrowed. “The cameras have audio?”
“It’s under admin privileges, but yes. Andrew, you should have known better,” she said softly, looking back to him. “The gun in one of the desk drawers? I presume that’s what you were lunging for, because those two men had just made it clear they were here for an animal.”
“Yeah,” he sighed. “I just…” He looked distraught.
“They told you to just let them get what they came for,” Suzanne said. “Why didn’t you?” My lips parted in shock.
“The last time this happened, I cooperated, but…I regretted it,” he growled. “We never saw Harriet again. I couldn’t just stand here and let them do whatever they wanted. Not again.” I assumed Harriet was one of their animals, but I didn’t ask.
“Don’t ever do something so foolish again,” she told him, on the verge of being upset, her emotions likely tempered by his condition. “I want to make it clear to you that this job, these animals, they’re immensely important, but they are not worth your life. He could have killed you. If someone gains access to the zoo again to steal an animal I want you to cooperate fully. Understood?”
“Yeah,” Andrew muttered.
The idea that Andrew had tried to bring a gun to a wand fight was staggering. Something heavy curled in my stomach at the thought. It was clear he cared about the wellbeing of the animals to a degree I hadn’t comprehended.
Janine took one of the small pillows from the couch and tucked it under Andrew’s head as Suzanne continued. “All right,” she said with a sigh. “I’ll go through the footage to determine what they stole and then call the authorities to report the theft. Janine, can you continue to treat him?”
I wasn’t sure what that entailed, but Janine apparently did, since she nodded and knelt back down as Suzanne went back into the security office. Janine did the same thing that she’d done before, that soft glow channeling light into Andrew’s head. Obviously, I wanted to ask what she was doing, but I knew better than to think I’d get an answer. Instead, I sat in one of the loveseats in front of Andrew’s desk, turning it to face them.
I heard Suzanne’s voice faintly speaking to someone on the phone and the minutes ticked by. Eventually, Suzanne came back out again and she stood next to me for a long moment, watching the healing process before turning to me.
“Andrew told me you were attempting to create some enrichment activities for the animals?” asked my boss.
“Oh, uh…yeah, I am,” I answered. I assumed she was trying to make small talk to distract me from the current situation, and I appreciated it. “The first one went well. Spike loves artichokes, pecans, and hazelnuts. I went with things that made it a challenge to eat, like it’s a challenge to pull out fingernails of its prey.”
Suzanne’s expression brightened just enough for me to notice. “Ripley, that’s wonderful. Very clever.” She let out a breath. “It’s becoming more and more obvious to me that Andrew chose well in hiring you.” I gave her a small smile. “Listen, I’m going to hire someone else to be here with you on duty,” Suzanne told me, “and by that, I mean someone from my neck of the woods. Andrew explained that to you, correct?”
“Not much. Just that you’re not from Earth.”
Suzanne smiled. “That makes me sound like an alien, but yes, I’m not from this dimension. I can hire someone who has similar abilities to mine, who can check in every few hours, make sure everything’s all right, but generally make themselves scarce unless there’s an emergency. He wouldn’t have been able to do much if he’d already been here, but he’d have known what was going on. Andrew would have received assistance immediately.”
I was curious of what those abilities were, aside from being able to see the animals, but I wasn’t bold enough to ask. Also, I was curious about who this new ‘employee’ would be, but presumably I’d find out sooner or later. “That would make me feel a little better,” I said, nodding. “Knowing there was someone else here.”
She nodded once. “It’s as good as done, then. As for Andrew, he’ll need to take a few days off to recover. Would you be willing to give the tours until he’s back in ship-shape?”
My eyes bugged out of my skull. “Wait, what? I can’t even see all the animals!”
Suzanne chuckled at my expression and shook her head. “I can enchant a pair of specs for you to wear,” she told me. “It’ll give you a bit of a headache, but you’ll be able to see all of the animals. Also, I’ll give you the background for each of them, because you’ll be speaking about them to the tourists.”
I blinked, thinking of how awesome it would be to finally know all about them all. And it was flattering, the fact that she had such confidence in me that, without hesitation, she asked if I could take over for Andrew. The best thing for me to do, of course, was to be confident and assure her that I could take any temporary promotion in stride. “I’m…I’m not great with people,” I managed.
Yup. Nailed it.
“You can be a little harsh with them if you need to,” she said with a small, knowing smile. “I assumed that signing up for a job where you interact with a screen of cameras the whole time means you aren’t great with people. And Andrew did brief me on you when he hired you. How good are you at couching your insults in polite talk? The British are quite skilled, but I know Americans aren’t too bad at it.”
I smirked, remembering how a coworker friend of mine once told a customer, “Oh, bless your heart,” in her thick southern accent and it sounded like the worst insult. “I can manage that, I think.”
A buzz from the gate that went to the panel on the wall drew our attention and Suzanne walked over to let the visitors in. It was three people, a man and two women, with a gurney.
Walking over to Andrew, I folded my arms with a small smile as Janine released his head from the glow the wand was emitting. “Hey. Sorry you had to lay on the floor for so long knowing I was cluelessly reading a book in the next room.”
“Eh, not the end of the world,” he whispered. “I’ll be back on my feet soon. So, no parties while I’m gone.”
I snorted and my smile widened, and he returned it.
Going back into the security room, I pulled the system back to the multi-camera exterior view, and I sat there and listened to Suzanne talk to one of the medics, explaining everything that had happened in detail. Once she’d done that and they brought Andrew outside on the gurney, presumably to a waiting ambulance, I gave my statement, and then…it was back to work.
Obviously going back to work like nothing had changed felt weird, but Suzanne stayed, letting me know that she would get some work done at Andrew’s desk until my shift was over. It was likely the opposite of necessary, the robbers were gone, but it did make me feel a tiny bit better knowing that she was in the next room with her wand.
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I've been an assistant for a year and 7 months and I love it, even if I have to deal with endless low staff days and needing to take over when the lead has frequent call outs. Our director is weird with the arrangements due to ratio issues and so many kids, so our "pre-k" class ranges 1-5. 14 kids total, usually (hopefully) 3 teachers.
Our kids (usually pre-k, but also ages 3) like to call me silly names and say things that don't make sense. Like "Make me some yogurt!! Real yogurt!! Go to the farm and make me some yogurt!!" While dishing snack. I will tell them that we do not have any cows at school for that, and then another kid will say that im the cow. I just moo and they laugh.
"You wear your glasses in your ear. You put a house on your head. You wear your shoes in your mouth." Type stuff. Or they'll call me a baby and say I'm a teacher baby (and that they're Older than me.) Or call me some weird name like "Hello oozy woozy."
It's awesome because my sense of humor is literally at the pre-k level so they crack up at all my jokes lol. Literally the other day the fridge wasn't working and a cucumber froze over and I asked them if they wanted a cucumber popsicle.
Oh, but don't get me wrong. I have 1-2 yearold humor too. I've started a game that I pretend to take a nap and the 3 of them join me in pretending. One of them makes a noise and I gasp awake (like startled) and they CRACK up. They also do the "round and round" motion with their hands to show me they wanna do wheels on the bus and clap afterwards. And dance. Lots of dancing.
Despite the stress and changing 7 diapers a day 4x a day, I am thankful that this was my first job instead of retail. Funny enough I have visible muscle on my arms now due to it, and have very strong legs and calves. I love those kids, they make it worth it even if I've had moments where I've cried during my lunch break. I feel like I can be myself with them. I truly think my calling is with kids, and I'm only 21.
I am a social work major and I start my internships soon, and I get to intern for early intervention!!

I(20F) have been feeling lately like I've never had a real friend. Everyone's moving on with their lives, but I feel stuck in my city, especially when even my friends who stay here have new friends and have new lives in their uni.
The other day, I went to my friend's home,it was her birthday but she kept me waiting for two hours, which made me feel humiliated, I was about to cry but kept myself controlled. She came to the city after a few months and brought her new friend here..the friend was ok...but I realised how my best friend was now closer with this new person whom I barely know but this new girl knows everything about me..it was quite a surreal feeling to experience in a bad way..
Don't get me wrong I have a new uni and new life too but the problem is my uni is a shithole of a place where everyone is a conservative, a sexist, racist or a drug addict there's litreally no in between...or they're just bad people.
Atleast once in my life I want to stop feeling that I am always the one making plans and being there for others, but I don't feel like anyone cares about me as much as I care about them. I just want a friend who's as excited to spend time with me as I am with them, as excited to take cute pictures and post them as I am, as excited to make elaborate plans as I am...I am so envious on how life just happens and happens good to some people whereas no matter how hard I try I'm still back to square one..I want someone who takes the initiative I'm tired of the being the one always taking that first step.
It's tiring always giving and not getting much back. I wonder if I'm just not good at making friends or if I let people walk all over me. Either way, I'm tired of feeling like this and just want a real connection.
Sometimes I just wonder if I am cursed.. truly...

I finished Rank 1 this month. Most seemed to struggle with stage 7 and maybe 9. Thanks to all the people who rushed, it was fun.
If you prefer or need a more f2p approach to Toa Hell rather than a speedrun approach I would recommend you to wait for u/AncientDragon1 guide.
In game and on twitch I am known as sogukpolar. You can see my playthrough here.
Stage 1 Laima
immune to cooldown/no passives
This stage is the easiest as enemy speeds aren't as high. So the restrictions don’t do much. I went with a high damage control comp but you can probably pick whatever as long as you deny the enemy their turns.
Stage 2 Aschubel
Silence at the start/immunity at the start of battle
Annoying restrictions if you do not have Tiana or Giana. Other than that there is not much to say here. Let Vero go first to cleanse the silence the proceed with your stripper. The stats of the enemy monsters arent as high as in the later stages so any stripper should do the trick. Shaman is much better than spectra here damage wise. If you need more sustain pick Tetra instead of Veromos.
Stage 3 Mugwol
immune to inability/immune to cooldown
I went in quite risky for the speed. A much safer option would be Herne instead of Amber for oblivions and heals. Bolverk teams are also a very popular option in this stage and is also viable. It seems much slower though to me.
Stage 4 Odin
Will at start/Counter buff
This stage seems new but I am not quite sure. Anyway, if you want a safer option go with another control unit like cp instead of Amber. I am not sure if this can be Bolverked. There are too many heals for that imo. It also would be quite slow. Control is much easier to handle.
Stage 5 Manannan
+200% crit dmg/counter buff at start
Pretty much the same as the previous stage. Another control unit instead of Amber makes it much safer but slower.
Stage 6 Miles
1 turn debuffs/immune to atb altering effects
Disregard the will runes in the wasves. I took those pictures from another month. Not having the will restriction makes it a lot easier though. This team is op and can be used in most stages where you can't use atb altering effects. Though is gonna do a lot of damage once Shizuka does her 3rd skill because of all the buffs on the field so watch out for that.^This probably can be Bolverked as well but I didn't wanna bother with the 1st wave.
Stage 7 Mei Hou Wang
25% chance to stun/15% atb per hit
This seems to be the stage where everbody struggled. I tried different teams and the MVP in the was Water Geralt. Fr his 3rd skill on bosses is nothing less than op because it only has a 2 turn cd on unit you cannot stun. He has def break on 2nd and atk break on 1st skill as well so can set himself up for his nuke quite well. I tried Bolverking it as well but lacked the heal block in the end. Gapsoo does a lot of dmg though with his second skill as well as MHW with his stacks so I am not sure if it is viable. Let me know in the comments if it is
Stage 8 Asima
+40% atk if an ally dies/immune to cooldown
Disregard the silence debuffs. I took those pictures from another month. Having said that without silence this stage is quite easy. There is a bit of rng with with wind monkeys but if you are able to kill the dark poison masters before they get a turn it should be fine. This can be Bolverked for sure. Make sure to bring enough immunity.
Stage 9 Valantis
Immunity at start/15% atb per hit
I Struggled with this stage as well in the beginning until I realized that Haegang is op, not just in RTA but now in TOA as well. You can probably imagine how the fight looked. Strip then cleanse constantly into gaining atb, cutting the opponent and buffing again lmao. He made this stage free tbh. Try it for yourself.
Stage 10 Ath'taros
3000 reflect damage/no buffs
This can be double or triple string mastered but I thought that this was faster. This was aloso the first time I hit 3 oblivions in a row on Douglas lol. Build your dark homunculus very tanky with -light dmg. If you use Bolverk prioritze killing Tetra in the first wave. If Douglas is dead with only Tetra remaining you can't pass the wave. You can't use Bolverk because of the no buff restriction but you alson don't need him because the enemy monsters kill themselves
Good luck and thank you for reading!
If you have further questions feel free to ask.
Runes
Everybody is on Violent. Except Tetra and Tiana are on swift, Pontos is on Despair and Shaman on blade swift hp, crit dmd, def.
FAQ
Q: What skills does your Dark Homunculus have and is she fully skilled? A: Yes, she is fully skilled and has the uppermost skills in the skill tree.
Q: What string master should I use? A: Light>Wind>Fire in that order.