Medical phone script

I should probably give some background before I start, David is 3 years older than me, around 6'6 I think, not bad looking (fighting the sibling urge to call him an ugly bastard but I'm trying to be accurate here). unlike me he got our mom's red hair which he's always kept almost military short, he's dressed the same way since we're were kids: a colorful button up dress shirt with an ugly sweater vest over top and brown jeans.
"He wouldn't hurt a fly are you insane?" That's what I said through my grief and disbelief when when the familiar voice of my friend from my hometown Garrett Robinson, now Sheriff Robinson I suppose came crackling through my phone speaker to inform me that David was a suspect in my mother's murder.
"I'm sorry Martha, I wish I was better at comfort, and I know he wouldn't, I'm just going to ask you a couple questions and then I'll let you go."
He responded with what sounded more like pity than sympathy in every word. "Go on." I said trying to compose myself, he asked me some very scripted questions that he already knew almost all the answers to, he and David had been inseparable since middle school, people rarely said one of their names without the other, and based on my brother's Christmas cards they were still just as close.
After he hung up I heard nothing about it for the following depressing month, not even some kind of funeral service calling to ask about mom, until my wife shook me awake at around 5am to show me my ringing phone with David's name across the caller ID.
"Ahoy Mort,"
He started immediately when I answered, for the circumstances he sounded so casual, as if we just talked yesterday. (He last called me on my birthday 8 months ago) "I assume you know about Mother?" He asked "I do uhm-" I choked on a sob "Did Garrett and the police figure out who did it?" I asked after composing myself with my wife's help, "I'm afraid not, but Garry did a great job clearing my name, the neighbor's were looking at me pretty nasty for a couple weeks." He paused and breathed down the microphone like he always did between thoughts, "Anywhatsit, I've been doing all the work on the funeral and wanted to invite you and Nance, they're putting her next to Dad at Parkview cemetery next weekend. How are y'all doing by the way?"
"We're fine, and thank you, we'll be there." We talked a little longer about this and that, he apologized for not inviting me sooner and joked that he "had a lot going on" and offered his home to us for as long as we'd be in town.
I spent the morning packing up for my wife and I for the week we'd be spending at David's house and occasionally having a breakdown or 2 and we left for Tennessee at about 3 in the afternoon. I drove for the first few hours in relative silence until it started getting dark. "We should stop at a hotel" I said,
"It's only a few more hours, I'll drive the rest of the way pull over."
I silently thanked God as I was pulled over, I was incredibly tired, "thanks Hun." I said as we passed each other walking around the front of my shitty minivan. Almost immediately as she was behind the wheel she got talkative as was expected after the last few years of being together, "soooo, do you think he did it?" She asked "huh?" I said tiredly "your brother?" She clarified "Nancy!" I snapped at her "okay, okay sorry I asked."
"No it's okay." It wasn't okay, that was inappropriate but I was used to her being tonally blind at this point. "I see why they would maybe look at him for a second, he and Mom never got along-" "Ooo new lore!" she cut me off "Don't call it lore dork this is real life." I snapped "sooorrry grumpypants" she groaned, I stared at her blankly while having my bi-weekly regrets about my marriage, she glanced at me twice before adding "I'm just kidding! Please go on."
And after a few minutes I did, "I was always mom's favorite, she didn't want a boy so she was very hard on Dave." "Sounds like a delightful woman." She responded sarcastically. "She wasn't that bad, I only ever saw her get physical with him once.." "oh my! Once! What an angel!" I was starting to get upset but continued anyway "she was only trying to push him over and she was drunk." Nancy tried not to laugh but failed "good luck with that he's built like a brick shithouse!" Her phrasing made me chuckle but I was still angry, she's not wrong though, he's always been a musclehead even if he hides it well under that dumb Bill Cosby ass wardrobe.
"We're going to be staying at his house I'd rather not entertain the idea that he's a killer." I said staring out the window at nothing "that's because you're no fun." She teased, "I'm with you for your looks." I shot back "and you're a bad liar!" She responded patting me on the shoulder. I fell asleep not long after that, instead of dreams my brain just played old nearly forgotton memories, David constantly getting asked for hugs by men and women all the same when we were in highschool, they would all melt into his arms, he'd always be the one to end the hugs because they never would. Then the only time I ever saw him angry, it was right after James Morris punched me in my junior year, him and Garrett both had James virtually pinned to the bathroom door and the look on David's face was foul as he spoke words I don't remember (I never told either of them I started that fight), then mom trying to push him... He stood stoic staring at her while she shoved in vain, he didn't look angry, just unbelievably hurt.
"Babe... Martha... Cinnabon..." I awoke to my wife shaking me "nm what?" I said as I started waking up. "We're here." She said as my eyes opened to see a worn sign that said 'Welcome to Parkview' "you're gonna have to direct me to the address."

I am looking to get my ball pythons into the vet. I contacted some vet offices and got a few responses. One place booked me in right away, even though I asked them to confirm with me. I think maybe this could've been an error in my part with how I worded my sentence. I'm very picky on vets as I have had a lot of bad experience with my other animals. I want to have good communication and a good relationship with the staff. If I don't this could cause my animals to not get the help they need. I have had so many bad experiences with vets. I have had price gouging, wrong diagnoses, false information given, refusal to allow me to see files about MY pet, unnecessary tests, testing for something completely different to the symptoms, repeating tests immediately after getting a negative and incompetence when using medical equipment on my animal. So if I do go to this appointment I will be vigilant and probably on edge. I'm still not sure if I should keep the appointment or book elsewhere. The email I got was very short and only gave me basic information, like time, date and price. I ended up calling them to confirm if they booked the appointment because of my error in wording. The person on the phone, who had sent the email, didn't understand what I was asking. They confirmed the time of the appointment before hanging up. I called about an hour later because I had a few questions about their covid procedures that I forgot to ask and the person on the phone told me a different time then what was stated in the email and what they had told me last time I called. Good communication is extremely important, especially to me, so I'm a bit worried the misunderstandings will continue if I go with this vet. I looked up their reviews on google and they had a few bad reviews for their exotic clients. Things like causing the animal harm, stressing them out and in one case they misdiagnosed and the animal ended up dying shortly after the visit. This is very concerning to me and I really don't know if I want to go through with the appointment. One of the other emails sent from a different vet was way better. They were very clear in their communication, giving me information like; they were accepting new patients, their next availability and the intake cost. They couldn't give me the cost of any tests, but they assured me that I would be given information on the test by the vet, the cost of the test before they do any tests and that no test would be done without my permission. They were also willing to answer any questions I had. I posted in a sub for my city asking about the vet I got an appointment at to see if there were any other bad experiences, just waiting for responses. Since this is my first time at an exotics vet I would appreciate any information or tips to make things easier for myself and my girls. It's their first appointment ever so I'm going to write down anything that could be concerning to bring up to the vet. I know prices vary from clinic to clinic, but if anyone could give me a price range on check ups and any tests that would be appreciated!! Please mention the currency the price is in, I am Canadian and used to things being put in other currencies before my own. I know my girls need to get a check up and if I cancel this appointment I will be booking a new one at a different vet immediately.

So I'm MS3 and I just had my mid-rotation eval that doesn't count, but usually tells you how it's going up to now. So basically I've been told I'm below expectations in terms of knowledge and it's alarming. You know, if I didn't study or if I lacked knowledge my peers have, I would totally take the L and simply study more right, I would feel guilty and stupid. The thing is everything I've been criticized for - I checked with other MS3s and they knew JACK SHIT about. Like even less than me. Some attending in particular was super rude and saying " you should know this at your level " about stuff I definitely should not know. She would talk brand names of obscure newly approved medications for off-brand use in certain pathologies. I told her I know progestatives can be used for that illness, but simply didn't know the brand name and she gave me the cold shoulder lol.
They gaslit me so much I thought I was crazy. Asked my peers about the medication mentioned (used the brand name) they all said what the fuck are you talking about ?
Also most attending on this rotation constantly cut you off and then say you haven't thought of x or y. I DID and you would know that if you let me speak for more than 30 seconds at a time. I shit you not I've never been able to speak for more than 45 seconds uninterrupted on this rotation, and I'm very talkative. I think I need to calculate my sentences heavily before speaking so I can fit in the maximum number of relevant words before getting cut off.
They also always assume you've done many clinics of their subspecialty and get super shocked and rude when you tell them it's actually your first time doing x ? " So you're telling me you've never done a peds gyn clinic before ? " Uhmm that's exactly what I'm saying. gets the cold shoulder
And don't get me started about the way they all do shit differently but get wildly frustrated when you don't do it their way - but they will NEVER tell you how they want it done. First day on this rotation the attending showed me a room, gave me the patient's name and told me to call them for their cancer follow up. Took me 8 minutes to figure out how to do a long distance call with the hospital's phone lol.
Man I already didn't care for obgyn that much, but now I simply hate it. I feel like I sincerely was not below average and these people are simply psychotic, therefore I truly don't think I will be able to fix it by the final eval. The thing that really struck me is that EVEN if I lacked knowledge, they would not be able to tell since they're barely acknowledge my existence and don't really care for what I have to say ? It's like, you don't read my notes and don't let me finish speaking how would you know i'm shit?
I will simply try studying more and sucking up. I don't know how to suck up I usually have genuine interest and vibes with the attending in most of my rotations. Guess there's a beginning to everything, gotta get that mouth ready.

April 2, 2024
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katocean. — 04/02/2024 6:15 PM
I have a few contacts now via twitter.
[6:16 PM]
I just love people who are all about saying fuck the establishment. To a degree.
[6:16 PM]
Wow!
[6:17 PM]
I got one that is banned permanently. Then a throw away one. And then my main one im vocal on
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katocean. — 04/02/2024 6:23 PM
Oh YOU ARE BLUE BALLS SECURITY?!?!
[6:23 PM]
Lmaooooo
[6:24 PM]
​
[6:25 PM]
Damn there alll out early today. Now Jess is live
[6:26 PM]
Absolutely!
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katocean. — 04/02/2024 6:34 PM
Awee shucks, well its been a nice distraction
[6:34 PM]
Who do you think is your favorite streamer of the Squirrels to watch?
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katocean. — 04/02/2024 6:45 PM
It was. A long but fun day
[6:47 PM]
But my stupid ex made me go out the night before and up till like 3AM. I was pissed.
[6:48 PM]
So I just rolled out of bed at like 1230-1 and uber down
[6:48 PM]
No make up or anything and threw comfys on and dipped
[6:48 PM]
Well thank you. I was a hot mess express
[6:49 PM]
5'7
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katocean. — 04/02/2024 6:52 PM
​
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katocean. — 04/02/2024 7:05 PM
Big plans for tonight?
[7:12 PM]
Watching the streamers! I just made it on Jess' poster! Shes putting all our names on her poster
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katocean. — 04/02/2024 7:28 PM
STOPPPP
[7:29 PM]
Where was that???
[7:29 PM]
Aweee shucks stopppp
[7:32 PM]
Danks
[7:34 PM]
Did DOA say he was coming back?
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katocean. — 04/02/2024 7:36 PM
Ahhh okay. Ill just stick on Jess' live for now
[7:40 PM]
Why??
[7:42 PM]
I try and not to be a rude person. I like engaging in conversations with people
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katocean. — 04/02/2024 7:44 PM
Your boy just went live
[7:48 PM]
Ill head over cause jess is just writing names on her poster lol
[7:48 PM]
Shoot streets is live
[7:48 PM]
And yellin at the 5-0
[7:48 PM]
Gotta watch that
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katocean. — 04/02/2024 7:59 PM
Wow
[7:59 PM]
UNDER CONTROL
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katocean. — 04/02/2024 8:15 PM
Nah.
[8:15 PM]
I dont have much of an appetite
[8:16 PM]
But Chris' chipotle does look good but Im always disappointed when I get it. Plus Im saving every nickel and dime I have right now. So deff not ordering out or anything for a while.
[8:19 PM]
What do you know how to make besides pizza?!?!
[8:19 PM]
Lol
[8:21 PM]
Meatloaf
[8:21 PM]
Spaghetti good
[8:21 PM]
Chicken long as its well done lol
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katocean. — 04/02/2024 8:22 PM
Hahaha im picky and get weird food adversions. I like everything fully cooked and well done
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katocean. — 04/02/2024 8:47 PM
Ruhhh rooh!
[8:49 PM]
Its just starting to sleet / snow over here
[8:49 PM]
And my dog wont stop bothering me to go out. Im like ANNA PUP HUSH YOU DONT NEED TO POTTY EVERY HR
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1
April 3, 2024
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 7:38 AM
Sorry I fell asleep so early last night
[7:40 AM]
Thank you! Just woke up, its deff snowing but not much yet
[7:41 AM]
Yay for April! And snow! You never know what youre gonna get in the midwest
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 7:47 AM
No I applied for an apartment yesterday so hoping to hear back today... applying for another one today. Thats about it. Im temp staying in Wisconsin at my moms. Trying to return to work next week
[7:47 AM]
How about you??
[7:52 AM]
We both live such exciting lives right now
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 7:55 AM
How? My life is so messed up right now. I cant wait to get back to normalcy soon. Back in my own place, working, my daily routine etc
[7:57 AM]
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[7:57 AM]
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 8:12 AM
Whose that?
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 8:24 AM
Ewww
[8:24 AM]
Omg
[8:24 AM]
Lord
[8:24 AM]
Stop
[8:24 AM]
Wtf
[8:24 AM]
I look like a night crawler
[8:31 AM]
Gah idk what you're definition of beautiful is but that is NOT it
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 8:33 AM
Wtfff lmao. That girl was NOT PLAYIN WITH YA
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 8:53 AM
Boy you and your pizza I like plain cheese but a GOOD and mean has to be good, bacon, chicken, bbq hits every once in a while
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 9:15 AM
Ewww
[9:15 AM]
No
[9:15 AM]
I dont even like hot dogs.
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 9:24 AM
Apple duh
[9:24 AM]
You're probably an android weirdo
[9:24 AM]
K bye
[9:30 AM]
​
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 9:58 AM
I dont really drink pop but If I do it has to be coke. I used to like pepsi then I went to Europe and they only had coke... so then bam I made the switch ever since
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 11:07 AM
Mmm I guess horror. I prefer documentaries, war movies especially about WW2, Drama, biographical movies, etc
[11:08 AM]
I'm more of a serious person with a purpose
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 2:22 PM
Im just annoyed AF
[2:23 PM]
The application process for these two places are driving me up the fucking wall
[2:23 PM]
Its easier to buy a fucking gun then it is to apply for an apartment
[2:23 PM]
And im just beyond livid right now
[2:23 PM]
All I want to do is cry
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 3:05 PM
Do you have a million dollars you can send me? That would be helpful, okay Ill take 100k... i wont be greedy
[3:05 PM]
Thank you
[3:06 PM]
I want to go home so badly. I want nothing to do with my ex. I dont even want to see him but I want to be back in my "home" until I have somewhere of my own again
[3:06 PM]
I hate that all my stuff is still there, that im at my moms
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 3:31 PM
You have a better mind set then me
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 3:38 PM
Karma works too slow for me
[3:38 PM]
And never seems to happen
[3:40 PM]
Damn lol
[3:40 PM]
Or did YOU break it?!?! Lmao
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 3:50 PM
Oh lord I dont want to get into politics. But I am NOT a Trumper. I will say that. I'm a pretty liberal activists and wouldnt be a social worker if I wasnt. But I will say, from a fiscal standpoint I am more conservative as I got older & on my own. And I do recognize that we do better as an economy usually when a republican is president. But thats all Im gonna say about that
[3:52 PM]
Oh god I know. I wish we didnt have to go through these two bafoons again. I want new fresh faces, younger faces with progressive ideas. But I pretty much hate both sides at this moment in time and govt in general
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 3:57 PM
Agree
[3:58 PM]
Im about to be in therapy for the next hr so my lack of responses will be why
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 6:04 PM
I know I just sped through his stream and caught up. Im worried they are keeping his phones and computer and fur coat. Cause the officer is like "for further investigation"
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 6:26 PM
Just relaxing. Contemplating if Im going to eat dinner or not.
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 6:44 PM
No way sir
[6:44 PM]
Im in a depression funk
[6:46 PM]
I can give you my instagram if you want
[6:46 PM]
But deff no selfies right now
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 6:52 PM
You can find it idk how to link it
[6:52 PM]
Still have all my pictures with my ex tho
[6:52 PM]
Just havent felt like deleting yet
[6:53 PM]
Also please if you see him tagged dont message him or anything. Even if you think thats being helpful.
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 7:06 PM
No bueno
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 7:20 PM
No bueno = No good
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katocean. — 04/03/2024 8:38 PM
Thank you
April 4, 2024
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katocean. — 04/04/2024 9:12 AM
Morning, thank you. You as well
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katocean. — 04/04/2024 11:54 AM
Go to St. Louis Scientology Squirrel right now
[11:54 AM]
Shes in the St louis org
[11:54 AM]
Under cover live
[11:54 AM]
Recording
[11:54 AM]
But keep it on the DL. We dont want to many people knowing
[11:55 AM]
On YY
[11:55 AM]
Yt**
[11:55 AM]
​
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katocean. — 04/04/2024 12:06 PM
No but it was great. Cant wait for the full replay to be posted
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katocean. — 04/04/2024 12:14 PM
My mom informed me she had the book back in the 70s and her & her first husband read it. And thought it was "interesting"... I'm like omg... I could have became a sciento! Thank god it was just a dabble into the book and nothing more
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katocean. — 04/04/2024 12:22 PM
Oh god
[12:22 PM]
Probably one I hate
[12:22 PM]
Oh and to answer your question earlier... yes, I want to move to the PNW badly. Thats my dream
[12:22 PM]
​
[12:25 PM]
Pshhh i know why its your favorite picture... creepy old men lol
[12:25 PM]
But I did post it as a thirst trap sorta bahahaha
[12:25 PM]
I've lost nearly 80lbs this last year
[12:26 PM]
I always was skinny but the last 5-6 years I put sooo much weight on. I got up to 210 and now down to like 130
[12:27 PM]
Which is great. But id love for other parts of my life to fall in place so i can just be happy overall
[12:27 PM]
Do you try and work out? Or anything?
[12:27 PM]
Maybe LESS pizza XXXXX! Lol
[12:27 PM]
Jk
[12:28 PM]
Have you talked with your doctor on getting on like Wegovy or Ozempic? Do you have insurance?
[12:28 PM]
It was a life saver for me
[12:28 PM]
Yeah fool. I found ur fb too. XXXXX XXXXX
[12:28 PM]
​
[12:29 PM]
I gotta know who im randomly talking to
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katocean. — 04/04/2024 12:29 PM
But you have nothing besides memes and rando pictures that i can see and emoji bits or whatever lmao
[12:30 PM]
Get yourself on like Tinder or Bumble or Ok Cupid or somethin!
[12:30 PM]
But you deff have to have pictures
[12:31 PM]
I dont know. Im not in any place to give dating advice. I cant even fathom doing that at all right now. Im just ready to be single and build myself back up.
[12:31 PM]
Sheesh
[12:31 PM]
Im sorry
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katocean. — 04/04/2024 12:37 PM
What do you think the issue is? Like not placing blame on you or anything... but when you do a deep dive into yourself what issues or things do you think makes it hard for a women to want to pursue anything further with you?
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katocean. — 04/04/2024 12:53 PM
The snap chat thing is a little creepy IMO
[12:53 PM]
So Im not surprised you arent getting much traction from that
[12:53 PM]
Yeah not having a car is a huge hinderance
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katocean. — 04/04/2024 1:11 PM
No. My mom does alll the time. Shes actually watching it right now lmao. I find them cheesy AF. Ha. One of my ex's & cousin are extras in those show allll the time
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katocean. — 04/04/2024 1:22 PM
Only medical show I can watch is Greys Anatomy. And its because Ive been watching it since I was 16... and just cant give it up. 19 almost 20 years now.
[1:22 PM]
And I was and like "oh god this would never happen IRL" lmao
[1:23 PM]
Its the story lines for me of the characters. Not necessarily the medical aspects and patients.
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katocean. — 04/04/2024 1:31 PM
I dont watch the Good doctor. I watched like 2 episodes when it first came out and I couldnt get past his insane autistic melt downs
[1:31 PM]
Lmao Im an asshole
[1:32 PM]
Cute what?
[1:34 PM]
Lets see how fast Sciento dad blocks me
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katocean. — 04/04/2024 1:41 PM
Oh fuck me
[1:42 PM]
Probably Kathy hopefully
[1:42 PM]
And not Kathleen lol
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katocean. — 04/04/2024 2:07 PM
No
[2:07 PM]
Lol
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katocean. — 04/04/2024 2:31 PM
Lol!
[2:31 PM]
Me and Scientology twitter back at it right now
[2:31 PM]
​
​
[2:31 PM]
I love the attempting gaslighting
[2:33 PM]
Hahaha i love toying with these little fuckers
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katocean. — 04/04/2024 2:48 PM
​
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katocean. — 04/04/2024 3:18 PM
No thank you
[3:18 PM]
Maybe 5-10 years ago
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katocean. — 04/04/2024 7:19 PM
Hey I took a really long afternoon nap just woke up
[7:20 PM]
Lol
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katocean. — 04/04/2024 7:28 PM
Probably like a deep purple
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katocean. — 04/04/2024 7:38 PM
Yeah pretty close
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katocean. — 04/04/2024 9:30 PM
No
[9:30 PM]
Lol
[9:30 PM]
Sorry
April 5, 2024
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katocean. — 04/05/2024 8:31 AM
Sleeping, Ive been going to sleep early these days by like 9-10 ish or so
[8:32 AM]
Honestly, right now, I wake up wait for the day to go by just so I can go to sleep
[8:32 AM]
Im contemplating on returning to work next Tuesday
[8:37 AM]
I wish
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katocean. — 04/05/2024 8:52 AM
Basically between 1,300-1,400 fml
[8:52 AM]
All 1 bedroom, 1 bath
[8:52 AM]
Sucks
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katocean. — 04/05/2024 10:19 AM
Oh wow
[10:19 AM]
What kind of jobs do you do?
[10:19 AM]
What does your daughter do for work? Did you finish college with a degree or nah?
[10:24 AM]
How do you bring in any income, if you don't mind me asking? Are you on like disability?
[10:25 AM]
Like surveys?
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katocean. — 04/05/2024 10:27 AM
Ahhh okay just curious
[10:27 AM]
You gotta get on that and get that money
[10:33 AM]
My favorite up and coming person right now is HonestAv
[10:33 AM]
https://open.spotify.com/album/11ZfrqRpeCnGBAbJ8e50kH?si=E9lWAq4mTTibq7p9Yo25EA
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[10:33 AM]
I relate to his songs so much
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katocean. — 04/05/2024 10:34 AM
Nah but his songs and lyrics are so relatable
[10:40 AM]
Ha. Im conservative. No more thirst traps.
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katocean. — 04/05/2024 11:01 AM
Aweee thats nice of her for something so simple
[11:01 AM]
My ex is my age
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katocean. — 04/05/2024 4:32 PM
Awee sorry to hear about your gmas cat, hope its ok!!
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katocean. — 04/05/2024 7:08 PM
Ha
[7:09 PM]
I put in a few more inquiries. I do have a back up plan for May though.
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katocean. — 04/05/2024 7:20 PM
HOT
[7:20 PM]
hahahahah
April 6, 2024
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ThaBiGGDoGG — 04/06/2024 3:34 PM
Not sure what I did that made you upset. I wish you lots of luck with what you are dealing with. I'm always here if you wanna talk.

Can anyone recommen an RSS reader that provides high quality Youtube thumbnails in list/grid format, basically like Youtube subscriptions page with metadata like length of video, upload date, and channel name.
I tend to prefer lightweight, extensible, and keyboard-driven applications and often lean towards CLI-based applications for that reason where there tends to be scripting support, but of course there is limited image support when it comes to CLI. Some other bonus features would be some sort of integration with Android phone and potentially self-hostable. The RSS reader must be popular because that suggests active development and so can support future sites to be able to display content in a site-specific way that improves usage such as described above.
I briefly checked out some RSS readers but they aren't exactly what I'm looking for. For example, it might only show the thumbnail when you select a video (I believe this is the case with Thunderbird's extension for Youtube). Seeing all the thumbnails at the same time is essential because I can quickly view videos I'm interested in. There is the Feedbro RSS reader browser extension that looks like the kind of interface I'm looking for but it's not FOSS.
Any suggestions are much appreciated.
I've tried Newsboat as my first and only RSS reader (it's CLI-based) and found viewing only Youtube titles without their thumbnails to be inadequate which is a shame because it would otherwise be a great RSS reader. I've checked out something like FreeTube but it's a Youtube-specific solution and I'm hesitant to run a long-standing Electron app (I prefer to stick to RSS).

Hi all, I'm really hoping for some advice on how to navigate this situation that came up regarding a work opportunity I have.
I work at a hospital, and over the past year or so, I've been working on an advocacy project about a medication that I lacked access to previously. Essentially, I used my experiences and the resources I collected without adequate insurance to initiate and implement this project hospital-wide, and I'm really excited that other people will benefit from what I'm doing. Currently, I'm drafting a narrative article for submission to high impact journals that details my motivations and what the project entails.
In its current state, I think the paper is good. Unfortunately, it lacks the same depth compared to if I outright stated the circumstances. Forced out to parents, didn't have insurance, the medication would have really helped, etc... But I'm only 22, applying to med school, and I am not in a position to be out to my extended family. I fear that if my submission is actually accepted and my entire circumstances are put on display for all to see, there would be conflict that I truly cannot deal with right now. I have no issue explaining my circumstances to people, but with it being searchable online, I would be concerned.
On the one hand, fuck the haters! I should do what I want to do because it's my life and this is a big deal and would greatly (if it even gets accepted) advance my career. It's also unlikely that anybody in my family would actually read the article. On the other hand, this would be a soft coming out to my family who I am not out to, and boy, I can just see the texts and phone calls and estrangement flood in right now.
I know I'll be able to come out one day. But this is a lot for me to process today, and I'm hoping I can get people's opinions who are further along in their lives. Thank you so much

I 19 female, I've been in a long distance relationship for 3 years with John (fake name) 19 male. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 16. For context, John and I met in a group and since then we started talking. (I was dating my ex, but when I realized that I had developed feelings for John I ended that relationship.) In this group he was a big womanizer, and he talked to his ex, which didn't bother me since I never thought there was anything malicious about it. 4 months later I asked John if he felt anything for me, because he was acting romantic and sweet toward me, he said yes and then we started dating. (Note: he was jealous of my friends). A few weeks after we started dating, and all of our mutual friends knew about our relationship, and he didn't feel uncomfortable with people knowing about it, I sent him Intimate photos, he went on and sent these photos to our group, where there were more than 100 people, including our friends. When I saw it I was shocked and immediately left the group. My friends came to talk to me and so did he. He apologized, said he was going to send these photos to a group that was just him because according to him it was easier for him to see. Reading this now I realize it's a strange thing... but at the time I was so in love that I excused him. That same day we made a video call until I went to sleep, he praised me a lot, dedicated some songs to me, it was very romantic.During the next few weeks we made video calls every day, watched movies, listened to music, talked a lot until the early hours of the morning. There was a day when a girl joined the group where we were, and she and I became very good friends, there ended up being a lot of confusion because she wanted to date John, but he didn't want to. However, he always asked for intimate photos for her or for another girl in the group, he said it was to make me jealous, he ended up sending some intimate photos to her too. Well, a few months passed and I was suffering with my mental health, a few months before I met him I had tried to take my life, and I was under psychiatric care. During that time I started smoking and hurting myself, but he always helped me not to do so and always asked me to stop smoking and never use drugs. Until one day I was having an anxiety attack and felt the need to hurt myself while I was on a call with him, so he asked me to write his name on my skin with the razor. I did, he laughed. Some more time passed and I experienced what I think was an attack of schizophrenia, I saw and heard a person talking to me and asking me to do certain things that would hurt me. John stayed on video call with me while he tried to calm me down and said everything was ok and asked me to pray. That day my mother had gone to work, so I was alone at home, she wouldn't come back until 1pm. A few months later he asked me to buy some sex toys, I initially refused and was a little afraid, but then I agreed and bought my first vibrator. He always asked for videos and photos, or even for me to use the vibrator on a video call, as he always sent photos and videos and even did things on a call, I accepted. It turned out that I got sick, I couldn't walk, I felt a lot of pain, very strong cramps, I went to the hospital but it didn't help. I took some medication but none of it helped. Jonh was worried about me and asked me to go back to the hospital, which I did, but once again it didn't do much good. Then in December he asked me to buy another toy, but this time it would be a dildo. I was very afraid to buy it since I didn't have much privacy at home, but I bought it. When it arrived, he asked me to use it but I said I wasn't going to use it at that moment because I wanted to wash it first and then use it but my mother was in the living room so there was no way. He was extremely upset, he said that I had promised to use it the day I arrived and that he was tired from work and just wanted it to cheer him up a little. We argued a little and went to sleep.Cut to a few months later when he got a new job (he worked with his father), met some new people and completely changed. He became cold, distant, wanted everything his way or he would get upset and give me the silent treatment. Since then we started fighting almost every day, sometimes several times during the day. He always said he would break up with me if I didn't do what he wanted or the way he wanted, as I was "blind", so to speak, I always did everything. I don't want to go into too much detail but this but one thing you need to know is that during one of those fights he told me "welcome to hell". Since then everything has gotten worse. For me to achieve the minimum I had to do everything he wanted, how he wanted and when he wanted, in his time. If he wanted videos, I had to record them and send them to him, otherwise he He said he was going to break up with me or that he wouldn't talk to me until I sent the videos. I'm not a saint either, I often freaked out because of jealousy and when I saw that he had followed his ex I got really upset, because she was the only one who made me insecure, and he knew that. One thing I forgot to mention was that he told me at the beginning that he only followed some friends and family (he told me who was who and that if I wanted I could remove someone). Another thing I forgot to mention was that he's been in a group for a few years where his friends who are in that group always hit on him, he's kind of reciprocal with them. He never let me go there because according to him I wouldn't like the type of humor they have there... a group that sends a lot of videos and photos of naked women, women dancing.. But he refuses to leave because he "is already a long-time member there, and his friends are there", in his words. Coming back, he told me that he only followed her because she followed him first and I told him that if she followed him it was because he unblocked her, he was upset that I said that and blocked her again. Some time later I returned to the hospital with some urgency as I was unable to cope with the pain, I needed to stay there overnight whilst receiving medication. He wasn't happy about it at all since that meant there would be no videos or photos. The doctors asked me to do some tests as quickly as possible to try to find out the cause of this pain, which they thought was the kidneys (but it wasn't).This meant I had to leave the house and go to the clinics to schedule exams and take them. He was never happy when I needed to leave the house or when I went out with my family. Cut to a time later when we broke up (my initiative) and I put all the toys in the trash. He was super upset and we kind of talked back and forth (I know what many off you will think But I couldn't really break up with him. So he made me buy all the toys again. That is what happened. Well, I bought not only the toys but also some lingerie. He really liked that and it seemed like we were finally okay. But it didn't last long. Soon we fought again and broke up, once again I put everything in the trash, he came back, he forced me again Buying but he was the one who bought the things. He continued to force me to record the videos and send them to him. During this time of ending the relationship and coming back, ending the relationship and coming back, I called his friends to ask for help. John was super upset with this attitude of mine. He told me that I made a mistake and broke his trust. Then time passed and he went on a trip with his family when he returned home, it was on a day when there was a party in his city and his friends were going. When he got home he told me and said he was going to sleep. I was suspicious so I went to look at his friend's profile and guess what? His friend had just post a story where John appeared. Same t-shirt, same cap. The same face. Obviously I confronted him about it and he told me it wasn't him because he was sleeping at home. I didn't believe it but leave it behind. At this point, my best friend couldn't take it anymore, almost every day of me crying to her about John and his actions. A few weeks went by and I asked his friend if it was really John or not, he said no (I believe he was covering it up.So he went to get a tattoo, on his neck. When it was over he went to sleep. I don't remember that day well but I remember that I called him many times that night and when he answered I heard moaning.. so I hung up and told my best friend. I called again and again and when he answered I heard the sound of a car. I was devastated, I couldn't believe it. The next morning he freaked out at me, and said he was sleeping. First he said that his mother had answered the phone, then he said that he had answered the phone and that the moans were his because of the tattoo. I pretended this situation hadn't happened and we moved on. (note: I was emotionally dependent on him) Cut to January of this year, when he asked me to open up the relationship as this wasn't working. I said no, and that in my view it was like cheating but without the burden of conscience. So he continued to treat me badly. He admitted that when he first started treating me badly it was only because he wanted me to break up with him. (he thought traumatizing me and triggering me was a good idea) He told me he didn't want me to see his Facebook so I wouldn't see his relatives' profiles. When I asked about some people he followed that he had already said were cousins, he said that they were friends or that he didn't know that his friends had asked him to follow them and sending messages to them. When I followed someone he always freaked out and asked who he was over and over again, for example: I followed someone, John saw it and sent me a message asking who it was, I replied "he's a friend of mine" Then John would go on "who is he?" and again "who is he?" and again and again... Two months ago he said he wanted some time, I said very badly, he said it could be but that we wouldn't be with other people nor would there be flirting with other people. He agreed. But then we got into a big fight where he threatened me with a lawsuit, he didn't give me reasons or anything, he just said he was going to sue me. I insisted on knowing why he only said he was going to have to pay him a high price and I would probably go to prison. So for the next 3 days this was our topic of conversation, him threatening me, me crying, and asking why. Then I reached my limit On the day of the last lawsuit threat, I told my mother about him, the way he treated me and that I wanted a new cell phone number.(She didn't know, I never told her about him. Although he tried to contact her a few times. But I blocked him) So we went to buy a new contact for me, as he couldn't call me or get in touch with me anywhere. He asked some people to call my mother and my friends. My friends were talking to me and sending me screenshots of everything, so someone sent him the link to our group and he went in there and found out my new number. I was weakened when my friend told me that he was crying and that he told him that he loved me and that he was afraid of losing me. So I said okay I could talk to him. He told me some things like that he was sorry for making me suffer. I tried to understand his side. We came back. But I told him that the first thing he did I would leave. I did not go. And I regret it. He was never affectionate, or cute with me again. He continued to force me to send him photos and videos. And doing what he wanted. He was upset when I left. He didn't like me posting full body photos or showing more. Whereas he could go around shirtless, send shirtless photos to his group, post shirtless photos online. Once he published a photo of a photo with his cousin and hid it from me so I wouldn't see it (I knew he was going to this party, he had told me, it was a family party) Since then, I went to lawyers to ask for advice. One of the people I managed to talk to, as it was online and free, told me to contact the police and that what he was doing was wrong. Every time I ask him something he gets upset and says they are useless questions, that I'm stupid, I don't understand anything. Whenever he forces me to record something, he never sends anything. He always says he's tired, But if his friends ask him to go out or go to dinner or do anything, he'll go, even if he's tired. This is it. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm really afraid that he'll do something, after so many threats, and all the lies. I have the support of my family and friends. I'm sorry if there are some mistakes, I used the translator and tried to explain more or less all the information you should know. Please be friendly.

Content Warning:Mentions of Child Abuse & Gore
They called me a colic baby, meaning I was a seemingly healthy baby that was distressed for an unknown reason. The fits of crying mostly dissipated by six months, but they'd crop up every now and then into toddler-hood. When I became capable of babbling a few words, I would summarize my pain in a few words: belly hurt. Belly HURT!
My parents didn't have much money, but they took me to the doctor for a checkup anyway. After running a physical exam and blood test, they determined that I was merely an excessively gassy little girl and should probably eat a more gut-friendly diet. They also prescribed some medicine which would eliminate the gas and relieve my pain.
It was from that moment on that my parents gave me the nickname "Gas Girl" (which I despised). The name stuck for several years, and anytime I'd get a little stomach ache my mom or dad would say, "uh, oh. It's not Gas Girl returning, is it?" I'd glare at them with my arms folded and pout, saying, "I'm not Gas Girl. I'm Wonder Girl!" My parents would share a look, then burst out laughing. Just as I was about to shout a retort, my dad would open up his arms and bend down in that familiar pose which signaled liftoff, and all my childish rage detached like a racing sticker as I leaped into my dad's arms and he flew me around the living room shouting "Who is it? It's Wonder-girl! Here to save the day from Gas Girl!"
Anyway, just as the nickname wore off, the pain returned. I was about 7 or 8 when I had my first big episode. I was in second grade, and the class was cutting out shapes. The pain came on so suddenly I remember lurching back and falling out of my seat. The next few hours were a blur of adults: my teacher, the nurses, the principal, my parents. I remember how cold and alone I felt despite being surrounded by grown ups, and my stomach hurt so much I was crying pretty much nonstop.
My dad bought a bunch of OTC medicine to try and settle what he thought was a really bad gas episode. My mom laid at the side of my bed and did bicycles in the air with me. Hours passed in pain as my adolescent imagination conjured up images of an evil little elf blowing thousands of bubbles in my belly. I consciously pictured myself popping them, but every time I did, more were blown. My dad scheduled a doctor's appointment for the next morning, and my mom stayed at my side until I was able to fall asleep sometime late in the night.
I dreamed vividly a horrific nightmare. I was strapped to a black, metal box. A surgeon donning blue scrubs with white gloves and a mask entered the space in my peripheral vision. The air was cold but crisp, as if every bit of dust had been scrubbed out of existence. I could feel my breathing, my heartbeat, even my skin. The doctor stepped forward and I could see the distortion of a smirk in the folds of his mask. I expected him to say something, to tell me what he wanted, but instead he lifted my shirt so my belly was exposed. "It's cold", I said in a mumbly voice. He lifted his hand in the air, and I saw behind it off in the back of the room was what looked like the glass wall of an aquarium. I was confused for a second, but only a second. The surgeon plunged his hand into my stomach like a spear, splitting through the flesh as if it were the skin of a ripe fruit. The previously silent man began to cackle like a maniacal villain as I nearly passed out from the pain. I felt his fingers swimming through my guts like parasitic worms. My body shook as cold sweat and blood began to ooze from my pores. I wanted to scream but I couldn't make a sound. I could only lay there, paralyzed, as the evil doctor explored my insides.
Somehow I lost consciousness in the dream, but when I woke up, the memory came flooding back, and I screamed with all the force of a thunderstorm. My parents skipped the appointment and rushed me to immediate care, but by the time we arrived, the pain was gone. I explained my dream to the doctor, but he said it was normal to dream up reasons for the pain. They recommended a CT scan to screen out the possibility of an ulcer or internal bleeding. Despite my parents' scarce savings, they agreed to run the test. However, something deeply entrenched in my mind thought of the dream with the surgeon and I protested. "I don't want a test!" I screamed. "But, honey, how are we going to know what's wrong?" replied my mom. "Nothing's wrong now. I don't want a test."
Looking back now on my persistence, it should have been obvious that there was something wrong with me, but my parents, who were thinking of their finances, allowed themselves to acquiesce to my demands. The pain would continue into and throughout my teenage years, and the one benefit that I can credit to it was that it taught me how to endure pain and hide it well before puberty started. Compared to my childhood cramps, period cramps were around a B+. Very bad, but not end of the world bad. However, they'd stick around more reliably, and eventually the two began to combine until I could no longer discern between them. Occasionally I would have a nightmare and wake up with a pain that was a little higher in my stomach, almost approaching my chest, but it would always disappear by breakfast time, and the chaos of a teenage girl's life would once again reassert itself in the form of an outfit that didn't look quite right or the memory of every word of a conversation with a guy I liked or how my teacher was out to get me. Basically, I had become normal.
And then two weeks after I turned 16, my dad passed away from heart failure. Apparently the stress from a paycheck-to-paycheck life in sales added onto a bad diet and a penchant for alcohol was a recipe for disaster. He was only 49. I was crushed.
The weeks and months following his funeral were filled with teenage anger and resentment. I directed most of it at my mom, who I held accountable for not being strong enough to step up and help with the bills. One day, when I was searching the drug cabinet for some painkillers to deal with some bad cramping, I noticed a new prescription for a drug with a really long name. I looked it up. It was an antidepressant. From that moment on I stopped giving my mom shit, but I grew a bit distant from her. I started spending a lot more time with my friends. I became reckless, adopting a drinking habit and unsafe sex practices. I smoked a bit but I didn't really like it. I guess I was just trying to find a way to move on, as naive as it was.
Fast forward to my present situation, and I'm a college student. A junior to be exact. I ended up scrounging up enough money from working two restaurant jobs to see a therapist on my own dime, and managed to make peace with my mom before leaving. We both talked out all of our trauma and cried together, and from that moment on, I haven't had a drink. About six months ago I got on the pill. I was starting to see one guy consistently and I wanted to be safe, but also I wanted to know what it felt like to not have stomach cramps anymore. It was freeing. I remembered my dad lifting me up into the air as a child, and I figured it kinda felt like that. I still cry thinking about him, although I don't let anyone see.
Anyway, about a week ago I started having really bad pain again, but this time it was in my chest. I would wake up in my apartment (I share a 3-bedroom with some friends from the college) with heart palpitations. My heart felt like a snake had wrapped around it and was trying to choke it out. The pressure would give way to a burst of fast ba-dum's, then settle, then start again. I remembered my dad's prognosis and started to get really scared, so I scheduled an appointment with the on-campus doctor for the next day through the online health platform.
They told me that chest pain is no joke and scheduled to have me scanned at a nearby hospital. This was four days ago. My boyfriend, Kevin, drove me there even though I said I'd be fine going alone. I think I already knew our relationship wasn't going to work out long term, so I was kind of checked out. I felt bad about it though because Kev is actually a really good person, but our personalities just don't match. He's very introverted and doesn't like to go out, whereas I thrive in group settings. Anyway, he drove me and I ended up getting an X-ray. The doc came in to share the results and I was immediately put off by the dubious expression on his face.
"What do you mean the images are blurry?" I asked.
"Well, it's just… that. They're blurry. It's very unusual for this to happen unless you have a pacemaker or some other device implanted. Do you know if you have something like that?"
"No, never," I said with a quaver in my voice. For some reason I thought back on my childhood dream with the surgeon and felt the urge to vomit.
"Well, let's run a CT scan and see if we can make anything out." He soothed.
Normally the CT and MRI dock was booked for a week out but the doctor happened to have an open space for me that same morning, so I waited about an hour and then got in the big tube machine that took pictures of my chest and abdomen. He said he should have the results by Thursday. That was Yesterday.
I was driving onto campus for my 9AM class when I got the call.
"Hello, this is Dr. **** calling for Josie **** ." (names redacted for privacy reasons)
"Oh, yes, this is Josie," I said and fit the phone between my shoulder and ear as I tried to find a comfortable posture."
"Yes, hello," the male doctor said in grave way which made me feel like this wasn't going to be a short call. "I wanted to see if you were available to come in today for some more tests."
"More tests?" I asked. "What about the first ones?" Images of blocked heart valves and cancer presented themselves on my mental screen.
"Yes, well, I wanted to discuss the results with you in person. There was a bit of a … well, an inconsistency, and I didn't want to upset you—"
"Upset me!?" I blurted, my free hand flying out over the steering wheel, swerving my car toward the curb. I corrected, then lowered my voice, "sorry, I don't mean to be …" be, what? This is completely absurd. "Could you at least give me some indication of what's wrong with me? I'm just kind of panicking here."
The doctor was quiet for a moment, then returned. "Sorry, Josie, I didn't mean to spook you. Both the X-ray scan and CT scan are picking up interference which is unusual. It's possible it's just a flaw on our end, so that's why we wanted you to come back in—to do an MRI and really verify what the issue is. This one would be free of charge and we'd get you results same-day as we feel bad about the issues with the machinery. Do you think that would be possible?"
I took a deep breath. I still felt uneasy, but at least now there was some kind of explanation I could lean on. "Okay, yeah, I can come in. I have class until 9:50AM, but I can drive over after and be there around 10:15, 10:20-ish. Would that work?"
"That would work great. We'll see you then."
I spent the whole of my communications class thinking about what could be wrong with me, doodling my ideas down on a notebook. Heart disease. Cancer. Some kind of peptic ulcer. Maybe it was the pill? The drinking? Was this some kind of cosmic retribution? I didn't know.
An hour later I was back at the hospital. I expected to be ushered into the MRI prep room, but instead I found myself in one of the normal patient rooms, sitting upright on a bed. The nurse did the preliminary height and weight measurements and medical history. I asked about the MRI, but all she said was that the doctor will discuss that with me. Before she left, she handed me an assessment to fill out. It seemed to be a list of questions about the medical history of my family, specifically about our mental health. Does your family have a history of Schizophrenia? Have there been any instances of domestic abuse? Did you have vivid nightmares as a child? Etc. I marked the boxes, then set the clipboard down.
At last I heard the fated knock on the door, and my doctor came in holding an Ipad. The door was only open for maybe a couple seconds, but I could see multiple nurses and technicians peeking their heads in my direction, as if they were trying to catch a glimpse of me. That can't be good.
"Hello, Josie," the doctor said and clicked on the little TV screen. He didn't even look at me. I could see dried sweat along his hairline.
"What's happening? I thought I was going to get an MRI…"
"Well, actually we aren't sure if that's the best course of action." the doctor said as he clicked the screen and pulled up a series of images.
"Can you look at me, please?" I snapped.
The doctor raised his head and tilted it in my direction. His mouth was agape, his eyes wide as if only realizing I was here at that moment. "I'm sorry, Josie." He took a deep breath, preparing some kind of canned presentation, then let it out and said, "It's just easier if I show you." He pulled up the first global image from what I presume was my CT scan. It was a front-shot. I could see my organs as little geometric shapes and—
"Wait, what is that?" I asked, pointing at the screen.
"That—is the problem."
I spent the next minute just staring at it. Somehow, in between all of the organs, there was some kind of cylindrical mass—I thought it was my spine at first but quickly realized it was too wide and there weren't any vertebrae—and at the head of the mass was, very clearly, a hand.
"What the fuck is that" I said in a tone that was at once forceful and pointed.
"It appears," the doctor started, looking away again. "It appears that there is a mechanical hand in your chest cavity. It's attached to a piece of a forearm that begins at your stomach, here," he pointed, "and continues up until, well, it appears to be holding your heart."
Ten seconds passed in silence. Then I was hit with the equivalent of the laughing gas they give you at the Dentist's office. All the blood in my body surged to my forehead and I felt light as the very thin hospital air. "Hahaha!!! You expect me to believe that? What kind of fucking clown-show hospital is this? Am I at the circus?' I stood up and started toward the door. The doctor body blocked me.
"Please, Josie, that isn't it."
"Oh?" I said sarcastically. "Please, do tell."
"Could you have—oh, okay, okay,, let me explain."
I stood there with my arms folded, unrelenting.
"When we first had you do the X-ray there was a big blur. It was clear that something was blocking us from seeing the image. The CT scan was able to take some actual pictures of it. I know it seems, well, unusual—"
"Wait, what the hell is that?" I asked, gesturing toward the clipboard.
"What?" The doctor looked disoriented.
"Those questions. Are you trying to insinuate that my mom and dad implanted some kind of mechanical hand in my body?"
"No," the doctor raised his hands. "We were just trying to gather some more information… Josie," the doctor said as I once again headed for the door handle. "Please, there's more. From the blood test we conducted it seems that you're pregnant."
I was so done. "I'm on the pill, asshole." I sneered and swung the door open, ignoring the sets of eyes trained on me as I scurried to the end of the hall, ran outside, and climbed into my car. I expected to see a bunch of people in white coats running after me, but there was no one. I started the car as tears began to stream from my eyes. Fuck them, I thought and sped out of the parking lot.
I couldn't return to my apartment. I ended up driving for hours, working my way back to my hometown. I spent a long time thinking about all the things I had experienced growing up. The stomach pain, slowly working its way up to my chest. The vivid dream of the surgeon feeling around my guts. Was it really that crazy to think my body was trying to tell me something? Why had I decided against having a CT scan all those years ago? Why now? I didn't—couldn't believe what was happening to me. But was that just because I didn't want to believe it?
And then there was the pregnancy. I was definitely on the pill. I knew it wasn't Kev's, or at least I was pretty sure it wasn't. We haven't been having sex for a little over a month now. But did that mean that something else didn't impregnate me? My paranoia was at its peak. I considered the possibility that maybe it was me that was Schizophrenic. None of this made any sense. I wanted my dad. I missed him. I considered going to see my mom, but despite making up with her, I still didn't feel close enough to her to own up to everything. I wanted to be alone—needed to be alone.
I ended up getting a Motel about 10 minutes away from my house. It was around 1AM when I finally opened the door to my room and laid down on the bed. After hours of thinking, a single thought occurred to me like a kind of defense mechanism: if I really am pregnant, I'm not keeping the baby. I want it out.
Just as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard the notification sound go off on my phone, which was odd since I was sure I had set it to vibrate. I turned and grabbed it, unplugging it from its charging dock. I had received a text message from an unknown, 5-digit number: 66669. This is what it said.
66669: If you terminate my baby, I will crush your heart.
***
I haven't been able to sleep since. It's now 6AM and I've drafted this as a cry for help. Please, let me know what you think I should do. I'm too "in it" to see the details clearly. I feel alone and scared and paranoid. Someone or something is watching me. Maybe it has been my whole life.

So I am not sure if I have abilities others don't or if I am more sensitive than the average person,
Background, I grew up in a haunted house but never experienced anything really outside of feeling like someone may be watching me, I had heard from other family what they had experienced when I was too young to remember.
As I got older I have always been different from most, however I have some mental issues, bipolar,ptsd,anxiety,addiction
I've always had vary vivid dreams from a young age, as I've gotten older I was very depressed and stuck to myself being homeschooled after the fith grade, I got into drugs at 17 and became addicted to various substances plus my mental illness went wild, however I no longer take substances outside of cannabis and mushrooms. I'm also as stable as I can been on medications.
As I moved out of the house at 13 to another I would get nightmares being in the old house and I would be getting tormented by spirits, It started as just a haunted house trying to scare me, then I got mad because of the occurrence and would be in a vivid dream taunting it, never really winning it would laugh or only show itself when it wanted to not me.
In my dreams I will see my loved ones like normal but be able to tell that isn't them and will notice and then my dreams get weird and I either wake up or try to get away, I'm aware now and don't get them as often but it was terrifying at a point.
I got into reading the satanic bible, lucifieran bible and necronomicon, at one point, during this I had a vivid dream I wasn't on this planet and went to a place that was dark with odd terain and glowing green water, however I had a dream I was going into a church and instead of a normal pastor it was a demonic one and had a cloak over his face , I had a rosary with a bone and gave it to him, accepting that I don't have power in my dreams and am sorry for taunting the spirits in my reoccurring nightmares, it went down to know I only have them rarely and know what's going on everytime it happens again.
During my addictions I have experienced sleep paralysis and it was terrifying, like a demonic smoke figure in a cloak looking at me feeding of the fear,
I have had my aunt pass and visit me in my dreams, I have had my grandpa pass and visit me in my dreams, I didn't get to say goodbye, and got closure in my dream, I woke up feeling like the hug was real.
I knew the night before my grandpa passed he was going to had a gut feeling but I decided not to follow that instinct, next morning I woke up to uncle banging the door however my dream was a old guy in a room that didn't have anything, just sitting infront of me no conversation, woke up and my grandpa was gone, feel it was him but didn't wanna show me it was him yet.
Anymore my nightmares if I have them are usually still in the old house and has to do with a spirit trying to take the shape of my loved ones, I have never seen the spirit responsible, only felt it in my dreams and heard laughs when I try to be more powerful than it.
Not super long ago I had a dream a tornado was coming for me at my current house, we had stroms not super long after and while it wasn't my house it hit 30 minutes away from me and my girlfriends step dads house got hit.
I feel like I am sensitive to energy, I can sense the feelings of being watched at times, getting goosebumps and hair standing up not due to the cold but somthing around, especially when I talk to people or give them tarot card readings, I can end up with my hairs standing or goosebumps if the conversation felt like it resonates with me.
I have an amazing relationship with my girlfriend, we I belive are twin flames, so similar, almost like we can read eachothers minds at times and say the same things at the same time often or can guess what she's about to say at times, but I also feel whenever her energy shifts and so does she if mine shifts.
I can sense if a person is good or bad, I can also at times sense somthing bad a long time in advance before it actually happens. Unfortunately.
One of the best new experiences I have had was taking mushrooms with my girlfriend for healing, I do it somewhat often, helped with grief , addictions, mental health, spirituality,
It brings us closer together and helps us both to heal, I didn't know it was possible but we managed to be able to use our energy on eachother while tripping and have what feels like full on sex without any touching involved, it can last for a long time too, this has happened the last 3-4 times we have tripped once we discovered how to tap into each other's minds. It's almost better than having actual sex, I feel like we leave our bodies and full on merge together as one during this time.
Now this is were it gets weird , a few days back we went to a place in amish country and once inside I noticed it felt off, however to not waste money and with everyone posting such good reviews figured we would stay and take mushrooms for healing as we do about once every month - 2 months,
I had the feeling in this house that the loft and basement were bad places to be, like being watched and feeling like there was somthing in this house, not sure what but something the first floor felt the best but still uneasy,
We had grabbed a clock from downstairs, plugged things into this one outlet next to the stairs and clock prior to taking mushrooms, they were charging, clock worked. Outlet worked, downstairs had a weird sad vibe to it ,weird musty smell also Sulphur smells randomly and even the water smelled like Sulphur there was a hornet in the toilet when we got there and had to flush it, also was 2 stains on the cieling in basement, not sure if it was water leak or if someone may have passed in the house and it soaked thru the ceiling of basement.
We wanted to paint eachother as we took the mushrooms, we did this until they started to kick in and once they kicked in we went and started fear and loathing in lost vegas, once I started getting closed eye visuals and working on my innerwork, my girlfriend felt like she wanted to go downstairs to lay in bed,
We stayed in bed holding eachother , bonding, eventually tuning into eachothers energy having sex without actually having it, then we couldn't hold back anymore and actually had sex, however we stayed down there until the trip wore off, it was about 3 am and everything switched on us.
She was feeling really sad and like she wanted to leave this place, I felt like I was being watched down there and somthing bad had happened in the past, I went to go upstairs was kinda afraid to alone but eventually went upstairs because she wouldn't at the time, tried to charge my phone and the outlet and clock didn't work anymore, I had been talking about leaving the house because she was feeling targeted and I felt like it didn't like either of us but like it wanted to feed off her if she went to sleep.
We went upstairs at a point and when I was asking if there were spirit's in the house and that if so I meant no disrespect and will only be staying until we could leave in the morning safely, as I would talk about the spirits seemed like my girlfriend would feel sick, same as being in the bed, very sad while downstairs.
I opened a bible and it was weird it didn't even feel like real paper , it also was moving by itself somewhat like working against me or moving for me to point out things, the clock on the wall was moving way faster than normal after this,
I tried getting her to leave , I didn't want to stay anylonger but knew we had to wait until sunlight atleast, she fell asleep and I was sitting next to her in this erie basement, had to turn the fan on because felt like if it was quiet I would loose it, what's not normal is the fact that she went to sleep and didn't really move, make sounds or anything like usual. I felt like I could hear people upstairs as she was asleep, almost like music was playing or a man signing and it was on repeat it would come and go, such low volume but also loud , the fan in the mix didn't help but I didn't wanna hear it anylouder.
I ended up trying to sleep and kinda did for a few hours but no dream I was hoping I would have a vivid dream of what happened in this house.
In the morning got our stuff packed up and left, before leaving I had used a ghost box. Told the spirit we were about to leave and as my girlfriend was going to the car it talked, then when she came back inside I left the ghostbox going and it talked while we were both there. I told it that we are leaving and this is your house but you are not welcome to come with us. Right as I opened the door I got a whiff of sulphur and as we left the house sulphur smell followed for a while.
Went to a shop got sage, used it before we got home, then yesterday unpacked from our trip and I made the joke about hopefully nothing came back with us from there. I went fishing and used the scissors from the house, i forgot to put them back so I have them. I saged our room, bags, clothes and once I found it left it outside in our burn barrel, didn't wanna risk it being in the house.
Last night we should have gotten good rest tho and we did not so I wonder if it had to do with those scissors coming from that house. 🤔
Anyways, long story but honest opinion would be helpful and on top of that if theres a way to strengthen my senses and all that would love to know!

So I am not sure if I have abilities others don't or if I am more sensitive than the average person,
Background, I grew up in a haunted house but never experienced anything really outside of feeling like someone may be watching me, I had heard from other family what they had experienced when I was too young to remember.
As I got older I have always been different from most, however I have some mental issues, bipolar,ptsd,anxiety,addiction
I've always had vary vivid dreams from a young age, as I've gotten older I was very depressed and stuck to myself being homeschooled after the fith grade, I got into drugs at 17 and became addicted to various substances plus my mental illness went wild, however I no longer take substances outside of cannabis and mushrooms. I'm also as stable as I can been on medications.
As I moved out of the house at 13 to another I would get nightmares being in the old house and I would be getting tormented by spirits, It started as just a haunted house trying to scare me, then I got mad because of the occurrence and would be in a vivid dream taunting it, never really winning it would laugh or only show itself when it wanted to not me.
In my dreams I will see my loved ones like normal but be able to tell that isn't them and will notice and then my dreams get weird and I either wake up or try to get away, I'm aware now and don't get them as often but it was terrifying at a point.
I got into reading the satanic bible, lucifieran bible and necronomicon, at one point, during this I had a vivid dream I wasn't on this planet and went to a place that was dark with odd terain and glowing green water, however I had a dream I was going into a church and instead of a normal pastor it was a demonic one and had a cloak over his face , I had a rosary with a bone and gave it to him, accepting that I don't have power in my dreams and am sorry for taunting the spirits in my reoccurring nightmares, it went down to know I only have them rarely and know what's going on everytime it happens again.
During my addictions I have experienced sleep paralysis and it was terrifying, like a demonic smoke figure in a cloak looking at me feeding of the fear,
I have had my aunt pass and visit me in my dreams, I have had my grandpa pass and visit me in my dreams, I didn't get to say goodbye, and got closure in my dream, I woke up feeling like the hug was real.
I knew the night before my grandpa passed he was going to had a gut feeling but I decided not to follow that instinct, next morning I woke up to uncle banging the door however my dream was a old guy in a room that didn't have anything, just sitting infront of me no conversation, woke up and my grandpa was gone, feel it was him but didn't wanna show me it was him yet.
Anymore my nightmares if I have them are usually still in the old house and has to do with a spirit trying to take the shape of my loved ones, I have never seen the spirit responsible, only felt it in my dreams and heard laughs when I try to be more powerful than it.
Not super long ago I had a dream a tornado was coming for me at my current house, we had stroms not super long after and while it wasn't my house it hit 30 minutes away from me and my girlfriends step dads house got hit.
I feel like I am sensitive to energy, I can sense the feelings of being watched at times, getting goosebumps and hair standing up not due to the cold but somthing around, especially when I talk to people or give them tarot card readings, I can end up with my hairs standing or goosebumps if the conversation felt like it resonates with me.
I have an amazing relationship with my girlfriend, we I belive are twin flames, so similar, almost like we can read eachothers minds at times and say the same things at the same time often or can guess what she's about to say at times, but I also feel whenever her energy shifts and so does she if mine shifts.
I can sense if a person is good or bad, I can also at times sense somthing bad a long time in advance before it actually happens. Unfortunately.
One of the best new experiences I have had was taking mushrooms with my girlfriend for healing, I do it somewhat often, helped with grief , addictions, mental health, spirituality,
It brings us closer together and helps us both to heal, I didn't know it was possible but we managed to be able to use our energy on eachother while tripping and have what feels like full on sex without any touching involved, it can last for a long time too, this has happened the last 3-4 times we have tripped once we discovered how to tap into each other's minds. It's almost better than having actual sex, I feel like we leave our bodies and full on merge together as one during this time.
Now this is were it gets weird , a few days back we went to a place in amish country and once inside I noticed it felt off, however to not waste money and with everyone posting such good reviews figured we would stay and take mushrooms for healing as we do about once every month - 2 months,
I had the feeling in this house that the loft and basement were bad places to be, like being watched and feeling like there was somthing in this house, not sure what but something the first floor felt the best but still uneasy,
We had grabbed a clock from downstairs, plugged things into this one outlet next to the stairs and clock prior to taking mushrooms, they were charging, clock worked. Outlet worked, downstairs had a weird sad vibe to it ,weird musty smell also Sulphur smells randomly and even the water smelled like Sulphur there was a hornet in the toilet when we got there and had to flush it, also was 2 stains on the cieling in basement, not sure if it was water leak or if someone may have passed in the house and it soaked thru the ceiling of basement.
We wanted to paint eachother as we took the mushrooms, we did this until they started to kick in and once they kicked in we went and started fear and loathing in lost vegas, once I started getting closed eye visuals and working on my innerwork, my girlfriend felt like she wanted to go downstairs to lay in bed,
We stayed in bed holding eachother , bonding, eventually tuning into eachothers energy having sex without actually having it, then we couldn't hold back anymore and actually had sex, however we stayed down there until the trip wore off, it was about 3 am and everything switched on us.
She was feeling really sad and like she wanted to leave this place, I felt like I was being watched down there and somthing bad had happened in the past, I went to go upstairs was kinda afraid to alone but eventually went upstairs because she wouldn't at the time, tried to charge my phone and the outlet and clock didn't work anymore, I had been talking about leaving the house because she was feeling targeted and I felt like it didn't like either of us but like it wanted to feed off her if she went to sleep.
We went upstairs at a point and when I was asking if there were spirit's in the house and that if so I meant no disrespect and will only be staying until we could leave in the morning safely, as I would talk about the spirits seemed like my girlfriend would feel sick, same as being in the bed, very sad while downstairs.
I opened a bible and it was weird it didn't even feel like real paper , it also was moving by itself somewhat like working against me or moving for me to point out things, the clock on the wall was moving way faster than normal after this,
I tried getting her to leave , I didn't want to stay anylonger but knew we had to wait until sunlight atleast, she fell asleep and I was sitting next to her in this erie basement, had to turn the fan on because felt like if it was quiet I would loose it, what's not normal is the fact that she went to sleep and didn't really move, make sounds or anything like usual. I felt like I could hear people upstairs as she was asleep, almost like music was playing or a man signing and it was on repeat it would come and go, such low volume but also loud , the fan in the mix didn't help but I didn't wanna hear it anylouder.
I ended up trying to sleep and kinda did for a few hours but no dream I was hoping I would have a vivid dream of what happened in this house.
In the morning got our stuff packed up and left, before leaving I had used a ghost box. Told the spirit we were about to leave and as my girlfriend was going to the car it talked, then when she came back inside I left the ghostbox going and it talked while we were both there. I told it that we are leaving and this is your house but you are not welcome to come with us. Right as I opened the door I got a whiff of sulphur and as we left the house sulphur smell followed for a while.
Went to a shop got sage, used it before we got home, then yesterday unpacked from our trip and I made the joke about hopefully nothing came back with us from there. I went fishing and used the scissors from the house, i forgot to put them back so I have them. I saged our room, bags, clothes and once I found it left it outside in our burn barrel, didn't wanna risk it being in the house.
Last night we should have gotten good rest tho and we did not so I wonder if it had to do with those scissors coming from that house. 🤔
Anyways, long story but honest opinion would be helpful and on top of that if theres a way to strengthen my senses and all that would love to know!

Has my cheese slid off my cracker? So, my doctor called me about some tests that were done. Said he would send the info to the specialist I booked an appointment with. Great! All good stuff. Then a nurse or medical assistant named miss Kindvoice calls me from the specialist saying that my doctor sent the stuff but they have no idea who I am. They checked their computer and I have no records there. So, I say let me call you back in 20 minutes when I get the business card to check that I gave my doc the correct info. She says sure, just call back before the end of day.
I go get the card and just call back the same number that called me. A lady answers and I give her my info and tell her that I was confirming my appointment for Wednesday. Again, she tells me that she has no idea who I am. So I tell her that it was an issue and miss Kindvoice told me to call her back when I found the business card with all the info on it. So, she says okay, let me get miss Kindvoice and she can help figure this out. Great!
Miss Kindvoice gets on the line and says hi what's this about? I tell her that we talked 20 minutes ago and there was an issue about them having no idea I existed. She's like okay, I didn't call anyone but I can help you figure this out. Great!? (But then how did I know her name?) yeah let's figure this out. She asks when my appointment is and I tell her. Date and time. She says that the doctor doesn't work that day of the week and to check the card to make sure I have the right doctor. So I read off the info, doctor name, address of office and office number. And she says that all that info is correct. I'm calling the right doctor. Which I know because I just went to recent calls on my phone and called that number back. But whatever. At this point i have given my name and number 5 times. So she says she will make an appointment for the day after that the doctor does work. Great?!
So, I get the appointment and I think I'm done, right? Wrong! Not done. Then the doctor herself calls me back and says that she wants to meet on the original date that's written on the card but at a different location to do some sort of specialized test that's based off the information my primary care doctor sent to her. So, we've come full circle again. Back to 5/15.
So, again, I read them the card front and back. Correct address. Correct doctor. Correct everything except the doctor changed the address to another location.
So, have I gone insane? Did the cheese slide off my cracker? Does the elevator go all the way to the top? Does the world end if I don't make the appointment? Is this like when the flash goes back in time and creates Flashpoint? Is this time travel? The Mandela effect? Glitch in the matrix? Am I a brain in a jar? Is that you? Is this me?

Hello. In the past 5 years I was physically ill and I was pretty much bedridden and unable to work. But recently I feel like I made enough recovery where I can get back to working again. I've also depleted my savings so I desperately need any job right now.
I was actually working in a different industry prior to getting sick but I don't think I can go back into that field for various reasons so I am looking to get back in the restaurant industry since I previously had years of experience working when I was young - cook (prep/line), dishwasher, server etc.
Currently I am only applying for entry level jobs such as dishwasher or prep cook jobs. I really do not care that I have to go back to minimum wage jobs. I've accepted that my life has completely changed and I'm willing to start over and I have no complaints.
Although most of my job applications get no response, I'm still getting interviews here and there.
But the problem is when I get to the interviews. They ask me about the gap in my work history, and I always tell them the truth - that I was sick for several years so I couldn't work but now I'm fully recovered. Then they always ask what was my illness, and I politely decline to tell them my medical history and explain again that I had health issues but now I have fully recovered and I'm able to work without assistance or accommodations. And every time, I always see the vibe immediately change and I can see they become disinterested and they start ending the interview. It almost feels like they get offended that I refuse to tell them why I was sick. But I don't want to reveal the health problem I had as I don't think that's relevant (also I think it could be illegal for them to ask that?). I think what's relevant is that I am not disabled and I am recovered and can work.
For example, today I just had a phone interview and the guy asked about the gap in my resume. I told him the usual, and right then and there he changed his tone and suddenly decided to end the interview, saying "Well, we're moving on, good luck" and just abruptly hung up. I was kinda surprised and upset because I thought it was rude. And now I realize all the in-person interviews probably would've ended like that too if it was a phone interview, they just couldn't abruptly cut it off because I was sitting in front of them.
Do I have to lie at this point? I don't want to lie because I am not a good liar. But now I'm starting to think that telling them I was in prison for 5 years might actually be better than saying I was sick for 5 years.
If anyone has any advice, I would greatly appreciate it. I just need to start working again.

Hello. In the past 5 years I was physically ill and I was pretty much bedridden and unable to work. But recently I feel like I made enough recovery where I can get back to working again. I've also depleted my savings so I desperately need any job right now.
I was actually working in a different industry prior to getting sick but I don't think I can go back into that field for various reasons so I am looking to get back in the restaurant industry since I previously had years of experience working when I was young - cook (prep/line), dishwasher, server, etc.
Currently I am only applying for entry level jobs such as dishwasher or prep cook jobs. I really do not care that I have to go back to minimum wage jobs. I've accepted that my life has completely changed and I'm willing to start over and I have no complaints.
Although most of my job applications get no response, I'm still getting interviews here and there.
But the problem is when I get to the interviews. They ask me about the gap in my work history, and I always tell them the truth - that I was sick for several years so I couldn't work but now I'm fully recovered. Then they always ask what was my illness, and I politely decline to tell them my medical history and explain again that I had health issues but now I have fully recovered and I'm able to work without assistance or accommodations. And every time, I always see the vibe immediately change and I can see they become disinterested and they start ending the interview. It almost feels like they get offended that I refuse to tell them why I was sick. But I don't want to reveal the health problem I had as I don't think that's relevant (also I think it could be illegal for them to ask that?). I think what's relevant is that I am not disabled and I am recovered and can work.
For example, today I just had a phone interview and the guy asked about the gap in my resume. I told him the usual, and right then and there he changed his tone and suddenly decided to end the interview, saying "Well, we're moving on, good luck" and just abruptly hung up. I was kinda surprised and upset because I thought it was rude. And now I realize all the in-person interviews probably would've ended like that too if it was a phone interview, they just couldn't abruptly cut it off because I was sitting in front of them.
Do I have to lie at this point? I don't want to lie because I am not a good liar. But now I'm starting to think that telling them I was in prison for 5 years might actually be better than saying I was sick for 5 years.
If anyone has any advice, I would greatly appreciate it. I just need to start working again.

TLDR at the bottom
Been together with this girl for 10+ years. We really had a great relationship. We had this incredible balance of trust, freedom, responsibility and caring. About 2 years ago, we simultaneously decided to make a career switch. I started my own startup whilst she got the opportunity to step into a semi-manager role.
At the time we had a 5yo son and 2yo girl. We worked hard and professionally managed to accomplish great things whilst running a good family life. But we forgot to invest in ourselves and eachother. My co-founder went through a difficult time so a lot of work ended up with me, giving me increasingly more stress. At home, I managed to do the stuff that needed to be done, but was just mentally absent. I felt like becoming more agitated and apathetic about everything. I went through a really difficult time but luckily my girlfriend was really understanding and supportive.
Then more shit hit the fan. The grandmother of my girlfriend passed away, she had a really great relationship with her. At the same time, she was looking forward to a new colleague to support her after one year of waiting, but got the news she had to wait another several months. And even more, she received concerning medical news that possibly could turn out to be cancer.
I saw her becoming more quiet, distancing from me. When I tried to talk to her about how she felt, she always tried to turn the conversation away into a more practical topic not concerning her feelings. She suddenly would go out for walks in the middle of the night, messaging for hours on her phone, which was not her usual behavior. She suddenly got dressed up more than ever, went to stylists, started working out,.. Something was changing. She seemed depressed but somehow also found a drive to do this new stuff.
I was still in a mentally bad place. After 9 years she suddenly went silent. I was well aware I haven’t been emotionally available for her in the last months so at some point, the idea pops up that she’d possibly was seeing someone else, despite rationally I knew that only could be a 1% chance.
Anyway, as valid as my feelings were, I decided to just ask her right away. She was somewhat flabbergasted but just laughed and said no. And that was it. We never had once a point were we distrusted eachother. She just said no and never asked why I’d ask such thing.
So it just fed my feelings of distrust even more. Three days later, she went even more quiet and distant but I buckled up and asked her if she wouldn’t think that was a strange question? She acknowledged that but ended the conversation quite quickly again. I couldn’t wrap my head around it and at night decided to peak in her phone and went through messages to find.. nothing. I felt really bad I did this because I’d never accept my partner going through my personal stuff. Trust is so important for me.
About 1,5 year before all this, I decided to ask her to marry me, which she wanted. I waited 8 years to ask her (!!!) but due our more busy life, organizing the marriage was on a low pace. We already booked a location for june and had a wedding planner getting everything ready.
I decided to suggest her to pause the wedding preparations to take some time to recover from what happened to her and we both could use some time off. She inclined to continue the preparations of the wedding. I asked her if she was sure she still wanted to marry me, because she didn’t take any initiatives in the last months, which at some point was logic concerning what happened to her. But she insisted she still wanted to marry and it would help her to concentrate at something positive in her life. This was december last year.
In the weeks following, I several times tried to make a moment to talk. She always changed subjects, said had chores or work to do,…
Eventually one evening late february she said she wanted to talk. She told me she increasingly lost feelings for me since months but never dared to tell me because she didn’t want to hurt me. Then all that personal stuff happend to her. She was emotionally already too far away from me to reach out to me, especially since she felt I was also going through a hard time. She kept up with loving texts, sex and even confirmed to still marry, just not to hurt me.
She just went through all those feelings behind a wall. She never told me once her feelings for me changed. Apparently she had so many disappointments in moments I didn’t pick up her feelings. I don’t know if that was caused by me being mentally absent or her not being clear enough about what she expected. Probably something in between.
She left the day after and went to a closeby airbnb for a month, just so she’d close to the children. She slept all day, stopped working, went through an immense hard time. She couldn’t talk to me nor see me. She was a complete different person to me. I could see aversion in her eyes when she saw. She didn’t want me to ask her what happened and just wanted me to accept this new reality.
After one month she had to return home because she had no place to stay so we started bird nesting (the children stay at home and we swap places every week) She still hardly wants to talk about her feelings or what happened, and gets angry if I try to. The only thing she wants is to leave me and get to rest.
She’s in a real bad place and there is no wqy I can reach her emotionally. Friends and family she talked to, reach out to me and say she really needs help, which she refuses. She signed a contract for an apartment closeby. She can enter one week before our initial wedding date..
We have little savings due her long study career and my startup so she’s getting her financially in a difficult position too.
I’m three months later now and still can’t wrap my head around this. I’ve been together with her for more than 10 years and in no way she’d ever do anything like this. We always had a really deep and trusting relationship. She’s a different person now. My mental and emotional energy constantly shifts between being concerned about her and trying to keep myself together. I feel anger and mourning at the same time about the same person. She disrespected me, lied to me about her feelings. I even have no chance to change anything.
I still cry multiple time every week and it feels like one step forward and two steps back. I have no perspectives except she’ll leave the house (we’re bird-nesting for the time being) and will end up probably have to sell the house we bought together because I lack money to pay the mortgage myself.
I feel desperate, depressed, lonely, overthinking all day.
I’m seeing a psychologist since the week she left. She’s trying to make me concentrate on my own needs and put boundaries to protect myself. But it’s very hard to do so. I feel really empathetic to her. She really needs help and seems to be in a flee-mode.
TLDR: my girlfriend hided her feelings for probably a year, and left me when going into a depression.

I made one other post on here in regards to my husband but would like insight on some things so little by little will probably post different scenarios to get outsiders insight on situations.
Okay, sorry if this is all over the place but I want some insight from others not involved in the situation whatsoever. Feel free to ask for any clarity etc.
I (29F) and my husband (36M) have 2 kids. To protect their privacy I would prefer not to share details but I will share vague info. They are elementary aged. I put off my own schooling to focus on getting our kids established and we do virtual homeschooling. My husband has never been able to hold down a job due to a few health things (anxiety that he uses medication for, and a few years in he got diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis and EOE but he doesn't stay on top of his own care). We live with my mom. He has lived with me under my moms roof for what would have been 12 years later this year.
Here is where I am asking for insight.
My mom witnessed him becoming more and more emotionally and verbally abusive. She sent him to his grandmas March 1st. My brother and I drove him down and we slept there and drove home the next day. He has been down there since. So 2 months. It was originally supposed to be around 2 weeks but then they asked about him staying another week. He was supposed to call my mom and they were supposed to talk about him coming back home. The one phone call they had he was making an excuse for why he yelled at me on the phone since he'd even been down there and then all he cared to talk about was his doctor(nurse practitioner) not sending his medicine, his insurance issues and all about his medicines. He is addicted to prescription drugs as well. If more info is needed I can elaborate but trying to keep this as short as possible but with enough details. He has also told us to go file divorce papers(I have never indicated separation, this was simply my mom wanting him to appreciate us and treat us better which it seems he is a narcissist and incapable of loving anyone but himself), custody, coparenting etc. So in his mind his is flipping it into US needing to work on our marriage instead of HIM working on how he treats me and our children.
He has barely talked to our kids. In the beginning I kept complaining about his lack of talking to them, then he would only try to call late at night. As I mentioned, they are school aged. I'm talking like 9:00pm or later he wanted to talk to them. Like I said, he didn't work and was aware of them having early mornings so this irked me. I told him he needed to stop putting us all off until the end of the day and it was completely rude and disrespectful to our kids time. He said he's busy and calls when he can.... I told him that's unacceptable and he needs to carve out a little time earlier in the day for them. I told him not to call after 8:00pm, which is still late quite frankly but better than 9 or 10. He has talked to them less than 10 times(don't know the exact amount so being generous with an estimation) I can look at my call log if necessary and try to weed out when he actually talked with THEM. Anywho, there was one Thursday night when he was supposed to call and I gave him a time and said no video chatting(he always tries to force me to be involved and I was busy and didn't want a camera being shoved in my face). He asked why not. I explained it wasn't a good night. He asked if he could video chat them Friday instead because he had things he wanted to show them. I made sure I was clear on what he meant and asked if he meant NOT talk to them "tonight" in order to videochat "tomorrow"? (this happened in the past hence the "") He said yes. He had not talked to them in 2 weeks at that point. So I was mad that he didn't ask if he could talk to them tonight but videochat them tomorrow as well....but then he said he was busy anyway so that would work better.....okay. Friday comes. He CALLS them. He was SO distracted on the phone and BARELY talked to them. He mentioned his brother had reached out about hanging out so I am thinking he was texting him while on the phone with them, but I don't know. I told our older child he was supposed to videochat so they mentioned it to him and he took a few minutes to send the link(iphone to android videochat) our child texted because it was taking so long. He finally sent the link and they were videochatting. He wasn't trying to show them anything. I mentioned he was supposed to show them stuff. He mentioned a coloring book and they had to ASK to see it. Then they ASKED about grannys dog so he showed them the dog. I gave them a time limit but gave wiggle room for the sake of our kids. I realized the chatting was going nowhere because he just wasn't interested in talking to them. Our older child mentions needing to go, then he says something like the child hadn't said they needed to go, in order to make it look like he "cared" like, "oh mommy said a time but I don't remember what it was so we probably need to go" they were over 10 minutes past, and I knew it but again I gave wiggle room for the kids. I chewed him out in a text and he admitted I was right and he was distracted and gave 348724985 excuses for what happened that day as to why he was distracted but I didn't want to hear any of it.
My kids very rarely bring him up. I ask them here and there how they are feeling about things and they are both sad but one of our kids even said that daddy was mean sometimes. That crushed me. I didn't know they felt that way. I didn't realize how bad things had gotten. I know what I went through and dealt with, but I was so blind to how he was doing them. I feel awful. And it came from the kid I would least expect it to come from cuz he seemed to give them more attention. I don't think the kids have asked to call him a single time. If they did I would absolutely not stop them, I'm not keeping them from talking to him. I am however setting boundaries on his side of things because he has no respect for our kids and their time. While he was on the phone with them he even brought up having issues with his doctor(NP) and meds. He talked to them for maybe around 30 minutes, most of which was the kids trying to talk and him saying.....uh......what? and telling one kid he was proud of them, they asked what for, he said......uh.....you're getting so big.
Side note; he mentioned I always have to say "something" (I am calling him out on his crap and not allowing him to use excuses anymore) and if I can't be peaceful we can't coparent. He informed me via TEXT April 17th that he now LIVED there. Has been so uninvolved already but ESPECIALLY now). I told him he has NO right to tell me how to COPARENT when he can't even PARENT to begin with and told him to ask HIMSELF a few questions and if he couldn't answer them he needs to reevaluate how good of a parent he is before trying to come at me for how I am PARENTING. I DO IT ALL. Anyways, like I said, we virtual homeschool and he was "involved" enough to know basics. So one of the questions was what grade both kids are in. He responded with his answers. He was wrong on both. Couldn't tell me what clothing size one was and was wrong on shoe size for both as well. He did get one of the kids teacher and speech therapist right but the teacher is a repeat from our older student and the speech therapist has been with us since the beginning so I knew he should know at least THAT one. I'm wondering if he googled what size one may be in because he mentioned a size not common to all stores but I do give him credit for answering what he did correctly. Its the ones that are incorrect though that are of issue. And I didn't correct him. He wasn't supposed to send me answers. I said to ask himself. He was just to cocky thinking he was really getting himself a "gotcha" moment. It makes me sad. I did tell my kids not to answer any questions if they videochatted(which I admit I didn't like doing, but with all circumstances I don't want him using them to answer questions making it seem like he knows more than he truly does) I told my older child what grade he thought they were in and they pointed out, "I was in ---grade when he left....." But we kinda laughed about how stupid/silly/dorkish it was and I am NOT trying to make him look bad. I shield our kids from a lot because I don't want their opinions of anyone swayed any way due to something someone else says. Same goes for their dad. Regardless of how I feel about him and the way he's done I don't want them holding things against him and distancing themselves due to things that don't need to divulged to them to begin with.
I'm sorry this was a lot, and it's probably all over the place and a mess.. I just need insight or opinions from someone that isn't involved or related to either of us so opinions won't be swayed. If any more info is needed in regards to myself or my husband feel free to ask.
I will also be moving forward with my schooling possibly this year or next depending. I wanted both of our kids established and while I'm not sure I'm quite ready because my younger student still requires more help and needs improvement with reading for me to be fully comfortable I may be able to start online courses in the meantime if able to do so before doing in person things eventually. My husband was no help with the kids and when he sat in or did attempt he had ZERO patience and was awful. So I limited what I would ask him to help with and did all the "heavy lifting" myself. We are all doing much better mentally and our younger child is unlearning some behaviors and is a completely different kid. They are coming out of their shell and while they've always been loving now they are even more sweet and loving and involved with others. I have seen so much improvement. And their dad has not mentioned talking to them SINCE that friday which was May 3rd, so it has been 10 days at this point.
Thank you to anyone that has read this trainwreck. If you think I handled things wrong and have advice on how to better handle things as well please feel free to advise away. While I am hoping I won't get ripped to shreds, I appreciate blunt honesty and can handle constructive criticism. :)

I (23F) work at a motel. At my job we get your information put down in our system in case we need to contact you or send something back to you if you leave it here. The other day I was checking a guest in and we had been chatting about stuff and found out we have the same kind of epilepsy. Not just grand mal seizures but the EXACT type. (for those curious it’s Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy) He had mentioned that him and some other epileptics had made a group/organization. Of course I forgot to write down the info for it. Before we could finish talking he had gotten a phone call and had to leave but said we could talk another time. I thought that maybe he would either call up to the desk or come up after. He didn’t. I thought maybe when he went to check out he would’ve left some contact info. He didn’t. Here’s where I may be the asshole/in the wrong. While I was at work, and I had been thinking about this for a couple days, I looked up his profile and sent him a text from my phone wanting to get the information. I did say that I’m sorry if it was weird and/or inappropriate to be reaching out like this I was just hoping to get the info to check it out. He said it was but given the topic it was fine. We talked for a bit over text and he asked if he could put my name down if the group met again (due to Covid the group stopped meeting). He said he it was refreshing to hear such a good look on our kind of situation. I told him that I didn’t contact him or pull his information from my personal laptop and that this was at work. We do have a work cell phone, which is what I wanted to contact him on, but I couldn’t find it. I feel super bad and kind of regret doing it now, even though he says it’s ok. Am I an asshole?
Edit: I will say I have never done ANYTHING like this. We had only talked about the epilepsy at the desk and over text. I have deleted the conversation and do not plan on reaching back out to him. I do feel really weird about it. The main reason I wanted to ask was because the group is close to where I live so it would’ve been cool to see. I have no intentions of pushing this any further or contacting him again. The phone call thing: i don’t think it was a fake one. I had been talking about a project I was doing and said I found out where my epilepsy came from. He was the one that asked what kind and even asked what kind of medication I had tried (I had said sharing that info was fine with me.) He had shook my hand (him offering not me) about how refreshing it was to hear how I dealt with it.
Edit 2: Our company RARELY fires people. It’s a small place and not a chain business. Everyone knows me and knows I’m epileptic. I’ve been here for 2 years and have never had any trouble (some drama with coworkers but nothing serious), have only called out once, and I cover shifts if I’m asked. I work evening shifts so when he came in it was around 10:30. I had made his reservation over the phone and he had thanked me and said I was awesome for being so understanding of his situation before (he couldn’t give me a card or discuss rates as he was busy). I had given him a noon late check out. People with jme have seizures mainly at night or early morning which is why I gave the late check out.
Our company is lenient towards lateness (not crazy lateness but no one I know has ever been fired from here because of it) I’m going to be honest I really don’t care what your job would do if you did this and I know I’m other places it would be a firing offense but I’m not at other places. I know now that it’s was very wrong and inappropriate and I’m not planning on doing this again with any other job or guest. I understand anywhere else they would’ve fired me if they found out. But I don’t work there, I work here. I have deleted everything related to him on my end and if he decides to reach out about this then he can.

Okay, sorry if this is all over the place but I want some insight from others not involved in the situation whatsoever. Feel free to ask for any clarity etc.
I (29F) and my husband (36M) have 2 kids. To protect their privacy I would prefer not to share details but I will share vague info. They are elementary aged. I put off my own schooling to focus on getting our kids established and we do virtual homeschooling. My husband has never been able to hold down a job due to a few health things (anxiety that he uses medication for, and a few years in he got diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis and EOE but he doesn't stay on top of his own care). We live with my mom. He has lived with me under my moms roof for what would have been 12 years later this year.
Here is where I am asking for insight.
My mom witnessed him becoming more and more emotionally and verbally abusive. She sent him to his grandmas March 1st. My brother and I drove him down and we slept there and drove home the next day. He has been down there since. So 2 months. It was originally supposed to be around 2 weeks but then they asked about him staying another week. He was supposed to call my mom and they were supposed to talk about him coming back home. The one phone call they had he was making an excuse for why he yelled at me on the phone since he'd even been down there and then all he cared to talk about was his doctor(nurse practitioner) not sending his medicine, his insurance issues and all about his medicines. He is addicted to prescription drugs as well. If more info is needed I can elaborate but trying to keep this as short as possible but with enough details. He has also told us to go file divorce papers(I have never indicated separation, this was simply my mom wanting him to appreciate us and treat us better which it seems he is a narcissist and incapable of loving anyone but himself), custody, coparenting etc. So in his mind his is flipping it into US needing to work on our marriage instead of HIM working on how he treats me and our children.
He has barely talked to our kids. In the beginning I kept complaining about his lack of talking to them, then he would only try to call late at night. As I mentioned, they are school aged. I'm talking like 9:00pm or later he wanted to talk to them. Like I said, he didn't work and was aware of them having early mornings so this irked me. I told him he needed to stop putting us all off until the end of the day and it was completely rude and disrespectful to our kids time. He said he's busy and calls when he can.... I told him that's unacceptable and he needs to carve out a little time earlier in the day for them. I told him not to call after 8:00pm, which is still late quite frankly but better than 9 or 10. He has talked to them less than 10 times(don't know the exact amount so being generous with an estimation) I can look at my call log if necessary and try to weed out when he actually talked with THEM. Anywho, there was one Thursday night when he was supposed to call and I gave him a time and said no video chatting(he always tries to force me to be involved and I was busy and didn't want a camera being shoved in my face). He asked why not. I explained it wasn't a good night. He asked if he could video chat them Friday instead because he had things he wanted to show them. I made sure I was clear on what he meant and asked if he meant NOT talk to them "tonight" in order to videochat "tomorrow"? (this happened in the past hence the "") He said yes. He had not talked to them in 2 weeks at that point. So I was mad that he didn't ask if he could talk to them tonight but videochat them tomorrow as well....but then he said he was busy anyway so that would work better.....okay. Friday comes. He CALLS them. He was SO distracted on the phone and BARELY talked to them. He mentioned his brother had reached out about hanging out so I am thinking he was texting him while on the phone with them, but I don't know. I told our older child he was supposed to videochat so they mentioned it to him and he took a few minutes to send the link(iphone to android videochat) our child texted because it was taking so long. He finally sent the link and they were videochatting. He wasn't trying to show them anything. I mentioned he was supposed to show them stuff. He mentioned a coloring book and they had to ASK to see it. Then they ASKED about grannys dog so he showed them the dog. I gave them a time limit but gave wiggle room for the sake of our kids. I realized the chatting was going nowhere because he just wasn't interested in talking to them. Our older child mentions needing to go, then he says something like the child hadn't said they needed to go, in order to make it look like he "cared" like, "oh mommy said a time but I don't remember what it was so we probably need to go" they were over 10 minutes past, and I knew it but again I gave wiggle room for the kids. I chewed him out in a text and he admitted I was right and he was distracted and gave 348724985 excuses for what happened that day as to why he was distracted but I didn't want to hear any of it.
My kids very rarely bring him up. I ask them here and there how they are feeling about things and they are both sad but one of our kids even said that daddy was mean sometimes. That crushed me. I didn't know they felt that way. I didn't realize how bad things had gotten. I know what I went through and dealt with, but I was so blind to how he was doing them. I feel awful. And it came from the kid I would least expect it to come from cuz he seemed to give them more attention. I don't think the kids have asked to call him a single time. If they did I would absolutely not stop them, I'm not keeping them from talking to him. I am however setting boundaries on his side of things because he has no respect for our kids and their time. While he was on the phone with them he even brought up having issues with his doctor(NP) and meds. He talked to them for maybe around 30 minutes, most of which was the kids trying to talk and him saying.....uh......what? and telling one kid he was proud of them, they asked what for, he said......uh.....you're getting so big.
Side note; he mentioned I always have to say "something" (I am calling him out on his crap and not allowing him to use excuses anymore) and if I can't be peaceful we can't coparent. He informed me via TEXT April 17th that he now LIVED there. Has been so uninvolved already but ESPECIALLY now). I told him he has NO right to tell me how to COPARENT when he can't even PARENT to begin with and told him to ask HIMSELF a few questions and if he couldn't answer them he needs to reevaluate how good of a parent he is before trying to come at me for how I am PARENTING. I DO IT ALL. Anyways, like I said, we virtual homeschool and he was "involved" enough to know basics. So one of the questions was what grade both kids are in. He responded with his answers. He was wrong on both. Couldn't tell me what clothing size one was and was wrong on shoe size for both as well. He did get one of the kids teacher and speech therapist right but the teacher is a repeat from our older student and the speech therapist has been with us since the beginning so I knew he should know at least THAT one. I'm wondering if he googled what size one may be in because he mentioned a size not common to all stores but I do give him credit for answering what he did correctly. Its the ones that are incorrect though that are of issue. And I didn't correct him. He wasn't supposed to send me answers. I said to ask himself. He was just to cocky thinking he was really getting himself a "gotcha" moment. It makes me sad. I did tell my kids not to answer any questions if they videochatted(which I admit I didn't like doing, but with all circumstances I don't want him using them to answer questions making it seem like he knows more than he truly does) I told my older child what grade he thought they were in and they pointed out, "I was in ---grade when he left....." But we kinda laughed about how stupid/silly/dorkish it was and I am NOT trying to make him look bad. I shield our kids from a lot because I don't want their opinions of anyone swayed any way due to something someone else says. Same goes for their dad. Regardless of how I feel about him and the way he's done I don't want them holding things against him and distancing themselves due to things that don't need to divulged to them to begin with.
I'm sorry this was a lot, and it's probably all over the place and a mess.. I just need insight or opinions from someone that isn't involved or related to either of us so opinions won't be swayed. If any more info is needed in regards to myself or my husband feel free to ask.
I will also be moving forward with my schooling possibly this year or next depending. I wanted both of our kids established and while I'm not sure I'm quite ready because my younger student still requires more help and needs improvement with reading for me to be fully comfortable I may be able to start online courses in the meantime if able to do so before doing in person things eventually. My husband was no help with the kids and when he sat in or did attempt he had ZERO patience and was awful. So I limited what I would ask him to help with and did all the "heavy lifting" myself. We are all doing much better mentally and our younger child is unlearning some behaviors and is a completely different kid. They are coming out of their shell and while they've always been loving now they are even more sweet and loving and involved with others. I have seen so much improvement. And their dad has not mentioned talking to them SINCE that friday which was May 3rd, so it has been 10 days at this point.
Thank you to anyone that has read this trainwreck. If you think I handled things wrong and have advice on how to better handle things as well please feel free to advise away. While I am hoping I won't get ripped to shreds, I appreciate blunt honesty and can handle constructive criticism. :)

Hello Everyone,
I made a post about issues deploying an AR experience from a Mac to an iPhone but I also can't get an AR experience to deploy from a Windows 10 to an Android Galaxy A30S (fully up to date). I have shared a screenshot of the two error messages as well as copied below the details of the error messages.
The project itself is from Unity's AR for Mobile Pathway and is the initial trial project you download with just a spinning cube. I followed the configure instructions exactly.
https://preview.redd.it/b2rheksna90d1.png?width=1564&format=png&auto=webp&s=0b60865338b82ebfd6021fc9c335fdcd4f2c59da
https://preview.redd.it/8gtrcseoa90d1.png?width=518&format=png&auto=webp&s=873fa844ed13a800e75c48bd91261f9967877f85
Error 1:
The package cache was invalidated and rebuilt because the following immutable asset(s) were unexpectedly altered: Packages/com.unity.xr.arkit/Tests/EditoAssets/TestReferenceImageLibrary.asset Packages/com.unity.xr.arcore/Tests/EditoAssets/TestReferenceImageLibrary.asset
UnityEditor.BuildPlayerWindow:BuildPlayerAndRun ()
Error 2:
File C:\Users\Augusta\.android\repositories.cfg could not be loaded. UnityEditor.BuildPlayerWindow:BuildPlayerAndRun ()
Error 3:
Errors during XML parse: UnityEditor.BuildPlayerWindow:BuildPlayerAndRun ()
Error 4:
Additionally, the fallback loader failed to parse the XML. UnityEditor.BuildPlayerWindow:BuildPlayerAndRun ()
Error 5:
Unable to find player assembly: C:\Users\Augusta\Documents\Unity\Unity Projects\augusta_AR_Project\Temp\StagingArea\Data\Managed\UnityEngine.TestRunner.dll UnityEngine.Debug:LogWarning (object) Unity.Burst.Editor.BurstAotCompiler:OnPostBuildPlayerScriptDLLsImpl (UnityEditor.Build.Reporting.BuildReport) (at Library/PackageCache/com.unity.burst@1.6.5/EditoBurstAotCompiler.cs:350) Unity.Burst.Editor.BurstAotCompiler:OnPostBuildPlayerScriptDLLs (UnityEditor.Build.Reporting.BuildReport) (at Library/PackageCache/com.unity.burst@1.6.5/EditoBurstAotCompiler.cs:208) UnityEditor.BuildPlayerWindow:BuildPlayerAndRun ()

I hope this is the right subreddit, flair, and has a reasonable length. If it doesn’t, please tell me and I’ll change it to fit the requirements.
My younger brother (16m), let’s call him Nathan (false name), is currently having a ton of issues and my family and I (17m) feel like we have played all of our cards and don’t know what else we can do for him. Nathan has Bipolar I, ADHD, dyslexia, and even though he isn’t professionally diagnosed, we suspect he also has Autism. He is currently on medication for his Bipolar but he isn’t on any for his ADHD. He also gets seizures when he becomes too stressed. He is on a DUI at school and has a lot of support there regarding teachers and faculty. He used to have a psychologist but they terminated him for stupid reasons that he had no control over. He has been in the mental hospital before back in elementary, as he used to be much worse back then. He also has a background of violence (his violence would only be directed to me and our Mother(40f), but he hasn’t been violent for 3-4 years). He also has done self-harm in the past, but they were pretty minor. Nathan and I also have no insurance but we are about to get on our Mother’s plan. Nathan also has ways of coping and knows what to do if he becomes too angry, but I feel like there could be more that could be done. We live in a household with 7 people. We live with our Papa (Mother’s Dad) and his twin brother, who sleep in the living room, Grandma and Grandpa (Papa’s parents) who sleep in the master bedroom as they own the house, our Mother, who sleeps in her own room, and Nathan and I, who share a room. We also have one dog. Okay, now to the issue.
Nathan has lately been on the computer 24/7 and we feel it has negatively affecting him and he simply is unable to see it like that. We feel that the computer has begun to consume his life. He spends all day and night talking to his online friends playing Minecraft with them. He communicates with them on discord and has constantly communicating with them. He has been spending all night talking to them even though he should be going to sleep for school and has been struggling getting up to get ready for school and been falling asleep at school. He has been saying that he has been struggling going to sleep at night and believes he has insomnia (our family has a history of insomnia). I believe his sleeping issues is a result of his computer use. Before, he never really struggled going to sleep but now he has been having a ton of issues doing so. I won’t be surprised if he has/started to have insomnia because of this. As a result of the obsessive computer use, he has begun having back-lashes on not just our Mother, but our Grandma (we currently live with our Grandma and Grandpa), which isn’t good for her health.
He doesn’t know how to be quiet on the computer, especially at night. He is loud and often yells while on it. Our Papa and Mother can hear him at night. It has started to become a really serious issue. I’ve been professionally diagnosed with Insomnia and struggle falling asleep. Nathan’s inability to be quiet at night has started to affect my ability to sleep. I’ve used to being able to ignore it pretty well, but it has become a very serious issue lately and I have been having a very hard time falling asleep for school. I also won’t be surprised if it has also started to affect Papa’s ability to sleep as well, as he is right next to our door as we are right outside the living room.
His online friends aren’t much better. Him having online friends isn’t abnormal at all, but his current online friends I feel aren’t good for him. They actively encourage him to stay up all night with them (they are all around the same age as Nathan, or at least that is what they say). Nathan often falls asleep while on call with them, and they regularly wake him up, as they don’t want him falling asleep on them. He has an online girlfriend, in which to my knowledge she is the only one who is trying to get him to sleep at night (in which he refused to do so). He has been hanging out with them too much, as he isn’t just neglecting his real life friends but his older online friends too (in which I prefer a whole lot more than his current ones, which he became friends with 1-3 weeks ago). He used to be more active and hang out with his real life friends often, but he wants to stay inside 24/7 now and doesn’t hang out with his real life friends outside of school anymore. He is way too naive and too trusting of his online friends. As a result, he is easy to take advantage of. One example of this was that several of his friends apparently had a house in our city and Nathan wanted to get a job so he can help pay for the house (I don’t think they even showed evidence that this house was actually real). Our Mother luckily cut down that idea immediately. He is also surrounded by people who are suicidal online, which isn’t good for his mental health at all.
On top of neglecting his real life friends, he is also neglecting his family. He is really close to our Mother and I. He used to watch anime with our Mother, but he no longer does so. Nathan and I also used to watch anime together, play games together, and chat but we barely do any of that stuff anymore. He also would be eager to go out of the house with family but he no longer wants to. He either wants to hang out with his friends or is too tired to do so. Recently, he didn’t go to our cousin’s graduation and even my induction ceremony for National Honor Art Society because he was too tired. It also has been months since he went to our other cousins house as he is either too tired or wants to stay home (she isn’t our actual blood cousin, but we see each other as such. Nathan is really close to her as well). I admit I’m obsessed with my phone, but I know when I need to put it down and it hasn’t consume my life like it has Nathan. I’m an introvert and I don’t prefer going outside of the house, but I have been going outside the house with our Mother quite often. Nathan used to do the same but he no longer wants to.
With all this information, you may be wondering why we haven’t taken away the computer yet. There is a reason on why we haven’t. This is because if we did, he will become violent. If he does continue going on the computer at night, our Mother will take away the computer at night. Nathan knows this. She also is wanting to turn off the internet at night and before he goes to school, but we don’t know if we could do that just yet. One manipulative and toxic thing he does, which is extremely unhealthy, is that if our Mother threatens him with punishment, Nathan threatens his own life to try to get out of the punishment. This never works on our Mother as she knows these are hollow threats and she used to do the same (actually she used to be much worse and actually attempted suicide before. I don’t think Nathan even has the will for suicide) so she knows the signs and how to deal with the situation. I think he does this since he is constantly surrounded by people threatening their lives online, he now sees this as normal. Since he sees this as normal, he has begun doing the same to not just our Mother but other people (I’m guessing he learned to do this as he probably seen this work before with his friends doing the same).
All of this cumulated into Monday morning. The day before, Nathan was asleep all day and was up all night on the computer. He was being so loud that I had a very hard time falling asleep and it began to annoy me incredibly. I don’t know when he fell asleep but it’s obvious he stayed up all night, even though he knew we were going to school in the morning. We usually get up around one hours before school starts to get ready. This is also when he gets his medicine. When it was time to go, Nathan was still asleep in his pajamas. I couldn’t get him to wake up, and our Grandma had to be the one to wake him up (our Mother was at work). Our Grandpa had to drop me off at school without him, go back home, and then drop him off to school (we go to the same school). He was hard on our Grandma, in which I assume it took a little while to finally convince him to get up and get ready for school. This is incredibly stressful for our Grandma and is definitely not good for her health. As a result of this, it simply became too much for all of us and we need to find a way to get him help.
The Mental Hospital is our very last option, and we don’t want this at all. We simply don’t know what else we can do for him, as he needs help. Is their other methods/ways we can use to help him or is the mental hospital our only option? Btw, no methods/ways/punishments that include any sort of violence, as this won’t help him at all and he will retaliate back with more violence (our Mother is a lot more stronger than Nathan and she has incredibly hard punches. She has never punched Nathan before, but she has slapped him. Even though our Mother doesn’t like this, she will defend herself against Nathan if she ever needs to do so. She’ll never throw the first punch but she won’t hesitate to throw hands back. On the other hand, I’m incredibly weak and will fold like a lawn chair.)
tl;dr, My younger brother’s computer use has started to consume his life negatively in all aspects and we don’t know what else to do, as he simply refuses to see it like that.

F2 on Anaesthetics. I like it a lot. Really fascinated by the physiology and pharmacology and the science behind anaesthesia. But I also tend to panic in acute situations where you have only seconds and I am not the best at procedures but can improve with practice. I have seen quite a few nerve blocks and spinals and they look very daunting to perform especially spinals as there was one case where the consultant was really struggling with and I was panicking internally that if I choose anaesthetics I will be panicking like this internally but good at hiding it. Improving on airway skills and cannulas but not perfect. Still haven’t got the hang of it fully as for example recently the surgeon berated me for not taking the initiative to position the patient in the lithotomy position (I was relying on the anaesthetist as I am still so scared of everything and doing something that causes harm although I have been taking initiative in things that I have taken note of such as seeing patients before the lists, drawing up drugs and IV access and asking the anaesthetist if they want to give more ephedrine or metaraminol or increase O2 etc based on what I see on the monitor) so there is a lot more that goes on in anaesthetics which I am expected to absorb and people don’t explicitly tell me because to them these seem very obvious and I may or may not pick up on these little things because I am such a novice. Is this a sign anaesthetics is not for me or is it too early to say as I have only been on anaesthetics for a month and the steep learning curve is making me feel a certain way? Could I be feeling panicky just because I haven’t been exposed to such stuff enough?
Have also done a radiology taster which I really liked and fit with my personality more (I get a lot of satisfaction from puzzle solving and diagnosis which I think I will miss on anaesthetics) although I am more fascinated with physiology and pharmacology than anatomy
Pathology taster coming next which I think I will like too
Before coming on to anaesthesics I was sure I wanted to do a medical/physicianly specialty but being on anaesthetics is really eye opening as the culture is so nice and everyone loves to teach which is the opposite of medicine (medical consultants all look miserable at my place and always grumpy and hate being called for advice and don’t like to teach) so anaesthetics is definitely above medicine for me but now also confused with radiology (very lovely people too and not as scary as they sound on the phone!) and pathology as they also look like specialties I will be happy in and the consultants and trainees seem really happy too

Okay, will be cross-posting this but will upload any and all help to show what I get between communities. Not here to make money, just really in the hole and it wasn't my fault (mostly).
Well first off, I am a permanently disabled girl here that had her life changed when I was driving me and my son to martial arts, someone cut us off and I ran into them. It really was a relatively minor wreck, but my airbag did not deploy and we thought I just got a concussion. A week later I was driving my Mom somewhere and I had a seizure when driving. We did not wreck then, my Mom was able to grab the wheel and pull the e-brake. But that was the start of my journey being diagnosed with medicine resistant intractable epilepsy. I have tried something like 16 meds and finally found one that kind of works, yet I still seize. I have also had 2 brain surgeries (for the RNS device in brain) and we may be looking at yet another to place more leads. I'm actually excited for that... it may be able to help my epilepsy more!
But about 4 months ago I turned in my renewal for food stamps. They just kept saying they were behind, didn't give me the help I desperately needed. As a result I had to just keep overcharging my account to get money for food. I needed that money for other things like rent, gas, bills, just everything. I would highly appreciate anyone that could donate some money my way and I will absolutely come back next month to help others. I love helping others, it kind of has always been my nature. Unlike my family though. That's a story for a different day.
I have my account overdrawn by $341. If anyone can donate ANYTHING to help me get that number to 0 or as close to it as I can, I'd be so so sooooo thankful. Do you need proof of anything of mine? I'll gladly give. Show bank account, show medical discharge papers to show I am still under total doctors care... I'm on SSI and man, that money is just NOT enough to live! My partner is my caretaker but the state only pays him for 4 hours a day at bare minimum. He can't go to work because he has to watch me, and I obviously can't work. My family does not help at all, they really aren't good people, except my son and my father (who was recently diagnosed with cancer sadly). Things are just tough. Please any donations you can make to get my account to no overdrawn I'd so appreciate! I will gladly help others when I can.
Need any more info? Just ask me.
Here are my payment infos:
Zelle: (Do you need a phone number for that or something? I don't know what my link would be for this, but I do have zelle.
Cashapp: $MeekoWeazie
Paypal: paypal.me/SeizeTheDay311
Is there any other way I can get help? Please help if possible even if it's only 10 dollars, I'm going nuts here needing this to be more to no overdrawn!
Thank you and have a great day!

Okay so I know that asking it through the phone or texting is suspicious but then they're offering it also through the email portal but I'm not really sure what the thing since they also offer it over phone with voice and phone over text which I find very sus.
And in case you're wondering no, it's not emergency services or anything like that. I'm not dying, I just need to set up an appointment.
I'm just trying to figure out which one I want and this one is like,
We need your insurance information, so I give it, and then they say that they need a bunch of information like my name, my birthday, and stuff like that, and then they say they want my credit card information and then I'm finding that really weird and then they send me an email and there I can log in and then put my credit card information into that but I'm still very nervous and I'm worried they're going to give me a co-pay and I can't afford a copay.
I live in US by the way.