Boyfriend cardigan knitting pattern

Looking for a similar sweater top (concentric hearts not stripes)

2024.05.14 09:07 yellow_pink_flowers Looking for a similar sweater top (concentric hearts not stripes)

Looking for a similar sweater top (concentric hearts not stripes)
I’m looking for a sweater top that’s similar to this, except it has concentric hearts around the cutout instead of stripes. I saw someone wearing that on my uni campus and thought it was so cute!
I’d appreciate any and all help in tracking something like that down.
Side note: If anyone has any crochet/knitting patterns for such tops, I’d be willing to learn and make one myself (eventually xD).
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2024.05.14 08:36 nageshbhardwaj1995 Wrap Yourself in Comfort: Experience the Memoir Home Dohar Collection, Where Luxury Meets Cozy Elegance

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2024.05.14 07:06 elmihy Scared to frog malabrigo mecha yarn!

Scared to frog malabrigo mecha yarn!
I have a FO I made out of malabrigo mecha yarn that I now want to frog and make into something new. The thing is…. The yarn is single ply, and I’m worried that frogging it will make it into a kind of fluffy felted disaster! Anyone have experience with this? Are my fears unfounded?
Image is the details of the yarn type, for reference.
I’m also including a link to a revelry folder I made of summer tops I think I’d like to make of this yarn. I know it’s unconventional because it’s bulky weight… I’m frogging a scarf and I’d just like to make something simple and beautiful that shows off the yarn and that I’ll actually wear. If anyone has thoughts or recommendations on these patterns, feel free to share! I am looking for something that I think will knit up ok with bulky yarn, and that also sizes up nicely as I am an XL and I often find tank top patterns with stunning sample photos can look completely different when knit up for larger bodies.
https://ravel.me/elmihy/fst
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2024.05.14 06:01 Choice_Evidence1983 AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AdhesivenessMurky204
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: PTSD, mentions of abortion, domestic abuse, verbal abuse, sexual assault, rape
Original Post: April 28, 2024
My husband (28M, who I will call Jack) and I (27F) have been together for 4 years, we have 2 young children and I am pregnant again. I have been pregnant for what feels like most of our relationship. I got pregnant 4 months into our relationship. We got married a month before our daughter’s 1st birthday and ended up with a honeymoon baby. After our son was born, I talked to my OB and she put me on birth control and I have been taking it militantly.
My daughter is now 3 and my son is 2. A little over a month ago I discovered I am pregnant again, despite taking my birth control religiously. Abortion is banned in my state, and the pregnancy was discovered too far along to attempt to obtain one out of state. While Jack and I were nervous, we also love being parents and decided that 3 young kids would be a challenge, but 3 was a good number for us. Then we went in for the first ultrasound and got some unexpected news - it’s twins.
Things have been tough financially, and while we were stressed but excited for a third child, we were not expecting a third and fourth child. Beyond the finances, I am the primary caretaker and I know that twins is going to be a lot, three children under 5 is already a lot, but 4 children under 5 is going to be really really difficult for me. Physically, I am tired of being pregnant. I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding the majority of our relationship. It’s exhausting, it feels awful, and I don’t recognize my body anymore.
Four children is enough. I don’t want more. I told Jack that I was done with pregnancy, I’ve been pregnant enough, I’ve been experimenting with different types of birth control for over a decade and I still can’t stop getting pregnant, abortion isn’t a valid option where we live, we need something more permanent. He agreed, and suggested an IUD, I told him no - if it did fail then it could cause an ectopic pregnancy which could kill me, especially where we live. I’ve had both control fail me multiple times already and I’m not taking the chance, so I suggested a vasectomy. He was not open to the idea, and was even upset that I suggested it and told me I should get my tubes tied. I told him a tubal ligation is a much bigger surgery and I could be recovering for weeks during which time I wouldn’t be able to work or take care of our 4 young children, but he could ice his balls for a day or two and be done with it. He told me that not getting pregnant was ultimately my responsibility, and topped it off by saying “that’s what your body your choice means, YOUR body, so YOU choose.” That’s when it went from a discussion to a full blown fight.
See, when I was 19 I had another birth control failure with my boyfriend at the time (who I will call Tom). I wanted an abortion, Tom did not because he was opposed. I told him I was getting the abortion since it was my body and my choice, and Tom said some horrible things to me, including threatening me. I broke up with him and got the abortion. In response, Tom ended up following me one night and attacking me. I don’t want to go into detail but it was horrible, and he ended up going to prison for a number of charges related to the attack. Not only do I have a number of scars and some long lasting physical effects, but I have PTSD as well.
Jack knows about my history and diagnosis, and has known from the beginning. I have a pretty prominent facial scar so I was upfront about it early on in our dating. Jack always presented himself as very pro-choice, so I was shocked that he would say that. I got really emotional and started crying and shouting, and it turned into a full-blown fight.
Eventually I said that birth control is a two-way street and so far I’ve been the only one managing it and he said “and now we have 2 kids and 2 more coming, great job.” I told him he sounded like Tom and he got super pissed, basically said how dare you compare me to him, and maybe he might want kids one day with someone who doesn’t compare him to her felon ex-boyfriend. I was stunned and horrified. I said “well then let’s not waste any fucking time,”then packed up myself and the kids and drove to my parents place.
It’s been about a week since the fight. I’ve spoken with Jack a few times and he has since apologized and said he was out of line and was speaking from a place of anxiety after finding out about the twins, but also that I said things that were out of line and it was wrong of me to insist he undergo a medical procedure. He said that can move on from the things I said and that he wants to see his children and be a family again. I told him no, that I didn’t want to “move on” from the things he said to me. I can’t just get over that and I think we need space apart. Jack was upset by this and while we talked I brought up getting a separation agreement to manage custody and finances while we figure things out. He did not like this suggestion, said we didn’t need to pull the courts into this.
I haven’t told a lot of people about what’s happening but my family and a couple close friends. My sister and best friend both think I should throw the whole man away, but my brother (who is the only other one married with kids) thinks that I’m being extreme for what sums up to a fight between two scared people who both said nasty things. My mom is trying to be supportive but is occasionally reminding me that I “don’t want to be a single mother of 4” and telling me not to let my PTSD drive my decisions, while my dad is being completely unhelpful (he thinks jokes are helpful - like calling me Doorknob because I “can’t stop getting knocked up”, telling me to let the oven cool down, real knee-slappers). I don’t know what to do. My kids are happy to be at grandma and grandpas house but they miss their daddy, I’m 4 months pregnant and already uncomfortable as hell, I wish I could go back to being a happy little family but I’m so hung up on the things he said in that fight. Am I destroying my family over one bad night? Am I being unreasonable for asking my husband to get a vasectomy?
Edit: I've noticed a lot of people recommending condoms. I have gotten pregnant with condoms twice. Our second child and my first pregnancy were both conceived using condoms properly (correct fit, put on correctly, single use, not expired, no breaks, etc). I do not trust condoms enough to not fail a third time. I know the failure rate is supposedly small, but it's not personally small enough for me. Edit to the edit: I'm sorry, I didn't expect so many comments so fast and I can't keep up with them. By the first pregnancy I mean the pregnancy with Tom. With Jack I was on the patch when I got pregnant with our daughter, condoms with our son, and the pill with the twins. So far I haven't ever suspected that Jack has tampered with our birth control and always presumed that I'm a fertile Myrtle.
I recognize the comments and just want people to know I'm seeing the suggestion. I'm not dismissing it, but the thought of it is deeply upsetting and has provoked a lot of anxiety. I just wanted to make it clear that if the suggestion is only based on the condoms, that the condom pregnancies were with two different partners. While I know I always used condoms properly with Tom, I do believe that Tom could have been fully capable of sabotaging the condoms.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions of NTAs and YTAs
Relevant Comments
deepsleepsheepmeep: NTA. Your husband is though. Your body has already been through A LOT. A tubal ligation is a serious surgery and you are right about being out of commission for a while when recovering. If he is more concerned with an imaginary future wife than he is for you, I don’t think there is much hope for this marriage.
We have 4 close friends who all got vasectomies. None of them bitched about it like your wimp of a husband. We actually had fun vasectomy themed parties for them.
On the off chance he does end up getting a vasectomy, make sure to do the follow up appointments. One of the vasectomy fab 4 did not follow through and ended up with a post-vasectomy baby.
OOP: Thank you, I feel like this is a lot of what has been so upsetting has been that he's thinking about some imaginary future wife when I'm right here, his actual wife, the mother of his children. It's like he's already imagining a future without me.
 
Update: AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?: May 3, 2024
I didn’t expect so many comments and literally couldn’t go through them all. It seemed like the majority of people said I was NTA but I did get a lot of YTAs telling me I was trying to force him to get a medical procedure and telling me to get one instead. Besides already addressing my reasonings why I made my request in the original post (which I want you to read with real "per my last email" energy), I in no way am *forcing* him to have a medical procedure, but I am saying that I do not want to be with a partner who is not willing to be snipped. This is an issue of compatibility. The number of children you want, the methods of birth control you’re willing to use, those are issues of compatibility and a reason relationships end all the time. If he doesn’t want to be sterilized that’s fine, but then that means that we’re not compatible anymore, since it means he wants more children and I don’t. Beyond that there were some YTA comments and some DMs that were just nasty, calling me a murderer and saying my body is a cemetery. Sadly enough, I expected those types of comments, because I know there are a lot of Toms out in the world.
First I wanted to address a couple things that kept coming up, because last post turned into thousands of comments that all said about 5 different things, so to avoid my inbox becoming another echo chamber:
You’re 100% going to have a C-section anyway so just get a tubal while giving birth.
No, I’m not 100% going to have a C-section anyway. Twins are not an automatic C-section. With my birth history there is no reason to presume that a C-section is in my future. My OB agrees, and has discussed the possibility as doctors have to do but also said that based on my past two birth experiences, I'm a "perfect candidate" for vaginal delivery.
I also am not going to mince words: tubal ligations are *less* effective than vasectomies with a *much higher* likelihood of an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy can *kill me*. In fact I got a PM from a woman who is a fellow fertile Myrtle who had an ectopic after a tubal. I am rejecting birth control options that, if they fail, would lead to my likely death. I don’t want to be pregnant again but I also don’t want to die and leave my children motherless, and in no way should anyone assume that traveling to another state to obtain an emergency abortion will continue to be an option in the future - we live in scary times, and Gilead is a real possibility. The comments seemed to have the vibe that people think that ligations are magically more effective than vasectomies and vasectomies are more of a whisper of sterility than an actual sterilization method so for those in the back VASECTOMIES ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN TUBAL LIGATIONS, FULL STOP. So I really need y’all to shut up about it.
Go to another state and obtain an abortion anyway.
I appreciate the personal offers to help I received in DMs deeply, but no. I’m in my 2nd trimester, which I know is still legal in some places, however I am at a point in my pregnancy where I personally as an individual do not feel comfortable obtaining an abortion, considering I would be *even farther* along by the time I could travel (which is not only finances, but logistics as well). I am 16 weeks pregnant now, these babies aren’t just clusters of cells to me anymore, and I’m not going to expand on that since it’s not up for debate.
Why not adoption?
With love and respect to everyone who has gone through adoption in all its aspects, adoption is absolutely not for me. This is a thought process I already went through 8 years ago, and now that I’m a mother and not a scared teenager I know it’s even less for me. I personally could not go through with it and come out the other side intact. Going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me.
Leave him and give him full custody of the twins
No. Because going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me. Jesus, some of y’all.
Just have a sexless marriage.
No. I love banging my husband, obviously lol. I don't want to be in a sexless marriage and anyone who has been to an abstinence-only high school knows that abstinence is not the way lol. There were a lot of comments assuming I would be perfectly fine withholding sex from my husband and having na dead bedroom, and I wouldn't. I have a sex drive. I'm going to want to bang my husband. Wanting to have sex with your spouse is *normal*.
What you would do about birth control if you divorced and dated in the future?
I’m not thinking of dating anyone else right now, because I’m thinking more about saving my actual marriage instead of an imaginary relationship. And if theoretically I did, I would probably seek out a partner who was snipped or was ready to be to be honestly, or a woman. I’m bisexual so there’s a very good chance that my future partner wouldn’t have the right parts to knock me up anyway lol.
Jack is sabotaging your birth control
I clarified my methods in the original post (as per my last email), but I did want to address this because it came up a LOT. I don’t have reason to believe that Jack sabotaged my birth control. A number of other fertile Myrtles showed up and brought up they or their family members repeated pregnancies in the face of birth control, including tubals. Accusing my husband of reproductive coercion for no reason other than I keep getting pregnant is a big leap and a weighty accusation. I am not the only fertile Myrtle out there, there's a reason there's a whole term for it.
Your husband is a narcissist, abuser, psychopath, and he does no childcare
My husband and I historically have a really healthy and loving relationship outside of this fight. In fact, this fight is the first time we’ve really had a fight, we’ve only ever had little arguments that we’ve been able to talk through. He’s an active father, the reason that I do the majority of childcare is due to circumstance between maternity leaves, our job schedules and the fact that I breastfed my babies. Someone also presumed I’m the breadwinner, which isn’t quite true. Jack makes more than me, but we do not have deeply significant differences in our incomes. When he is home he does his fair share of cleaning and cooking (arguably more than me at times), and parenting. That being said, the things he said in the heat of the moment were deeply concerning, and we’re addressing that together.
So to get down to the nitty gritty of the real update: since the last time I posted, Jack and I have sat down together and had a real come to Jesus talk. I’m not going to go through the whole breakdown, but it basically boiled down to this: it’s the vasectomy, but it’s more than the vasectomy. It was wrong of me to compare him to Tom but it was wronger of him to weaponize my trauma against me in a very malicious way. The way he intentionally used the same language my abuser used in an effort to hurt me was not acceptable and damaged the trust between us. He agreed it was not acceptable and said that in the aftermath he was horrified and ashamed his own words, and that he (as an explanation and not an excuse) kind of snapped under the stress. Oh and what he said about his “next wife” was not an indication of him not being committed to me but was because he felt hurt and wanted to hurt me back. He has apologized numerous times and seems to feel genuinely bad about it.
As for the separation, I am still going forward with it. I need space and time and I need to take that before the babies come. I am still staying with my parents who, for the record, are not sick of me or the kids. We’re a tight knit family, I only moved out when I moved in with Jack, and my sister moved out about a year ago so they have been empty nesting, and my mom doesn’t like that we live “too far” (an hour) away. What I have realized with space and time is how deeply triggering it was, in a way that I cannot explain to those without PTSD from DV, those who know will know. It’s deeply unsettled me and I’m having a hard time “getting over it” so to speak. There is now a lot of fear of my husband that was never there before and it’s going to take a lot to repair that trust and sense of safety. I cannot make a decision while I’m in this space, and I am addressing this with my personal therapist. Overall, I told him that if he wanted to stay married to me I needed two things from him: marriage counseling and a vasectomy, and even then I still cannot guarantee him anything. He understands, but I do not know what will happen with the vasectomy right now, we focused more on talking about the fight, but he is very aware that it's now a dealbreaker. And we have a marriage counseling appointment set up for next week. I'm hoping that counseling will bring some clarity to the situation, and in the mean time for the next couple months I'm focusing on giving my kids lots of cuddles and preparing myself for two new babies to come into my world, with or without Jack.
Additional information from OOP on her relationships
OOP: I've been through a trial to convict my ex-boyfriend of trying to kill me because of an abortion in a deep red, deeply religious area. I've definitely heard worse things, and I typically have pretty thick skin. That being said, I am pregnant and pretty emotional, so it's not the best experience. That being said, I do appreciate the level-headed comments when I see them through the sea of comments kind of saying the same stuff over and over. I'm not reading a lot of them if what I can see in the comment notification starts off nasty, so a lot of it is just inbox white noise. My favorites are the ones that start off with "I'm not going to read that BUT..." and I just think lol same. Like you don't want to read my post but expect me to read your comment that was made without even reading the situation? lol nope. And there are a lot of people conflating "providing someone with a hard choice" with "forcing someone into a medical procedure" and it just makes wading through for the actually helpful comments more tiring. Thank you though, I very much appreciate the kindness. Sorry, I've gotten so much of the same nonsense I guess I needed a little vent lol.
OOP on wanting her husband to make a decision and be on the same page
OOP: I want to be honest with him about where I am emotionally because I want him to make an informed decision. While the vasectomy is a deal breaker, it's really my secondary concern. My primary concern is the way he acted during the fight and his intention exploitation of my trauma because he was mad and scared. I think that telling him "get the snip to stay with me" and then deciding to leave anyway because there are deeper issues and/or I don't feel safe anymore would be cruel. He deserves to have the full picture before he makes a choice, doesn't he?
If he doesn't want the vasectomy, that's his choice. It's not what I want, but it is what it is. If he wants to call it quits at 4 kids, then it is what it is and if he secretly wants to be the next Nick Cannon then it is what it is he should be free to do that. That is part of why I don't know where he is on the vasectomy right now and we didn't really discuss it much when we talked, I'm focusing on discussing the bigger issue for me which is trust and safety within the relationship. The only way for him to make an informed decision about whether or not he get a vasectomy is for him to have all the information about the situation. If that makes him want a vasectomy less, then it is what it is. It's not about making him want to have a vasectomy. It's about being on the same page.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

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2024.05.14 06:00 AutoModerator Ask a Knitter - May 14, 2024

Welcome to the weekly Questions thread. This is a place for all the small questions that you feel don't deserve its own thread. Also consider checking out our FAQ.
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2024.05.14 03:50 Hot-Succotash-2120 hsv-2 positive and my partner makes me feel like sh** (vent post)

i got diagnosed last year as i thought it was just an awful uti (spoiler alert it wasn’t). i fell into a super deep depression and felt so so disgusting. my partner at the time now ex helped me build myself back up during that time and now it’s apart of me and it’s not something im secretive about. i moved to a different state in november and met my now boyfriend. the first night we met up i told him i was positive showed him my acyclovir and answered any questions he had. he was very welcoming. we’ve been together a few months now and about every other week he makes a huge deal about it as if he just found out. i know im excepted by him but i feel as though he uses it as leverage or holds it over my head.
i’m starting to fall back in to that self hatred pattern as when i first found out. he brought up a few weeks ago how many people i’ve slept with as if that resulted in how i contracted it (it did not unfortunately i was SA’D where i was living previously) he makes me feel like it’s my fault and as if im not clean. i’ve only had one outbreak and it was when i first found out. should i bring it up to him again? i honestly have no idea what to do.
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2024.05.14 03:13 FarThought7412 Worst wedding ever - Grandfather Marrying his mistress at the venue of my Grandmother's funeral

Hi Charlotte, I have a wedding story for you of a wedding I had the misfortune to attend, buckle up guys, this was a train wreck.
I (31f) was always very close with my Grandma. She taught me things like how to knit, she loved teaching me how to cook and when we did family walks in the huge local park, she would "take us to get lost in the woods", because she knew how much my brother and I loved adventures.
My Grandfather always had a parade of mistresses when my Dad and his brothers were growing up, and because my Grandmother was traditional and didn't believe in divorce, she got stuck with these women being practically waved in her face. Sadly til the very end, she loved my Grandad dearly. Myself growing up, from since I can remember, the latest mistress, we'll call her X, was in the picture.
My Grandma sadly developed alzhiemers which meant that my Grandad was even less discreet, parading X around to the point where he would invite her to meals we went to where my poor Grandma was present, the worst one being one where my mother was also present, and the dynamic was Grandad flirting with my mother whilst X gave him daggers, my Grandma not really understanding what was going on, and me just wanting the ground to swallow me up.
Almost 10 years ago my Grandma's health declined, and I would go and visit her at the nursing home, and take care of her each day. My Grandad would visit her and bring X along with him, which I found insulting, but boy had I seen nothing yet.
Sadly she died, and we had a beautiful cremation service followed by a wake at a fancy hotel. Some drama was caused by my Dad's mistress turned girlfriend (I know, it runs in the family), but overall it went smoothly.
A few weeks later, Grandad arranges the scattering of the ashes. He specified no Grandchildren were allowed, which upset me considering I had been with her til the end, but it soon became apparent why. My Dad came home and told me that Grandad, at the ash scattering, announced he was getting married to X, his mistress. I was mortified as to how distasteful it was, but he chose the hotel where he held the wake for my Grandmother, and they would be married in three months time.
I didn't want to go for obvious reasons but my Dad said I had to go so that he wasn't alone. It was the biggest shit show I've had rhw misfortune to witness.
A friend from a former job came along, her job being to ply me with alcohol throughout the day, and boy did I need it.
First of all, all members of my Grandad's family had to wear a flower corsage. I usually think they are cute but I didn't want to be associated with this shit show.
The ceremony itself was okay, I just tried not to pay attention and counted down til we could go to the bar, but afterwards my friend whispered to me "I especially enjoyed the part in the vows where they said with the exception of all others!"
For the drinks reception I had to endure my Grandad's pretentious friends coming to me to tell me how lovely it must be to see my Grandad getting married, and according to my friend, I had a fixed serial killer smile whilst she would run to the bar and swiftly press drinks in my hand.
We all had the meal and then the speeches, oh god, the speeches, I have never wanted to crawl under a rock so badly. First there was the best man speech, where he told the story of first meeting Grandad and X, telling everyone "it soon became clear what the arrangement was!" with a wink to the audience, and ended with a joke about my Grandmother being a frigid cow.
X's speech was sentimental bollocks about finding love, which is all well and good, but he was married to my Grandma at the time.
Her brother made a speech about how Grandad used to wait for X on the drive in his (insert expensive car here), again, whilst married to my Grandma.
The final straw was during Grandad's speech where he accidentally called X by my Grandma's name, and I walked out.
When I waited in the bar area, a staff member said she recognised alot of us, and I told her "Yeah, for Grandma's wake, this is my Grandad marrying his mistress at the same venue", and after thinking I was joking at first, the nice lady offered me the rest of the glasses of champagne that didn't get used during the toast as they would be tossed out anyway, and I gladly took them off her hands.
Overall I've never been so mortified in my life, not only was the whole thing incredibly tacky, but my Grandma would have been rolling in her grave.
My Uncle managed to escape this circus living abroad, but when he came to visit, they brought out a slice of wedding cake they saved it (English wedding cake keeps for months) and he later told me that when he left, he tossed it out of his car window as he drove off, hoping they saw him.
To add to the tackiness, when Grandad died, he left X a statue of a naked lady he had actually bought for my Grandma, and when we asked why, it came out that he bought it for Grandma, because it reminded him of X, and also to remind my Grandma that X was in the picture.
Sadly this shit runs in the family, as my Dad also had a few mistresses, but luckily I was mostly kept from that as my Mom divorced him when she found out. I have a wonderful boyfriend who luckily hasn't run a mile given my insane family story, and we plan to get married. The family joke is that we should marry at the same hotel as the one used for Grandma's wake and then Grandad's wedding, as we might get a family discount on the third event, but I think I have too much PTSD associated with the place.
Hope you all enjoyed my family wedding drama story, and hopefully this gets read!
*Edit - to add to this whole dumpster fire, when my Grandad died he asked for half of his ashes to be scattered where my Grandma was scattered, and half in the place he used to take his mistress for dirty weekend trips.
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2024.05.14 02:54 EitherWhereas Looking for similar cardigan pattern

Looking for similar cardigan pattern
I learned Doll’s Kill has a dELIA*s line and this long sweater made my early 00s heart sing. Anyone know of a similar pattern? I like how it has more of a Y2K look than some other long cardigan patterns I’ve seen.
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2024.05.14 02:17 lavender_sugar Moby Mini Decrease Issues

Moby Mini Decrease Issues
I'm working on the sleeves for my Moby mini and I'm having a big of trouble understanding the decreases. I'm probably a novice-ish knitter and this is my first sweater. When it says to work the decreases to "fit with the pattern," what does that mean? I'm screwing something up (I think), as you can see--four knit stitches where I think it is supposed to look like the regular double moss--but can't quite wrap my head around what I need to be doing.
I'm probably not going to rip back to fix this because the error will be under the arm and my knitting time is extremely limited (I have a 11 month old). But I DO want to do it right in the future. Can anyone help? lol
submitted by lavender_sugar to knitting [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 02:15 notrapunzel Washable natural yarn for baby items? I'm in the UK

Hi all,
Im looking for solid colour yarn to knit a cardigan for a baby. I don't want to use synthetic materials if possible, but would like it to be washable. I need it in Aran / worsted weight for the pattern.
Any recommendations please? My local yarn shops don't sell anything suitable.
submitted by notrapunzel to knitting [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 02:12 Whatdoido2594 Tops for small backs/big boobs (GG cup)!

Ok ladies,
I've looked through all your suggestions and have tried all the shirts on at As colour, Uniqlo,and just about anywhere else I can find in Brisbane and I'm stuck 😂
I'm looking for shirts (not cardigans or sweaters or long sleeves knits, as I sweat so much in anything long sleeve in Brisbane winter), that I can wear with jeans in the day for winter. I'm about a size 12-14 in shirts depending on the fit etc.
As I've got a small back but a big ol chest, everything looks terrible on me. I've also got very small shoulders so anything rounded tends to really bring my frame down, and I'm short so anything too oversized absolutely swamps me.
Does anyone have the same problem? Any suggestions? Im looking for basics and something more elevated than basics! Years ago I used to be able to find shirts,but it seems to be slim pickings these days!
TIA :)
submitted by Whatdoido2594 to AusFemaleFashion [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 01:22 Particular-Ad-6663 My Second Attempt at Knitting a Cardigan!

My Second Attempt at Knitting a Cardigan!
Finally completed this snuggly cardigan. I messed up on the sleeves because I forgot to increase closer to the armhole join but that's a lesson learned for next time. It took me a couple of weeks, with breaks in-between, to finish but despite the mistakes, I'm happy with the end result, and, it fits me! The button band is crocheted as I did the one before. I'm debating adding some wooden buttons but I'm not in any rush to put them on, if you guys have an opinion I'd be happy to hear them. 😁☺️😁
King Cole Indulge Chunky Yarn. 7mm needles for the ribbing, 10mm needles stockinette stitch and the band I used a 7mm crochet hook.
No pattern. I just worked out how big I wanted and made 1 x back panel, 2 x matching front panels, 2 x sleeves and crocheted the button band.
submitted by Particular-Ad-6663 to knitting [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 00:56 knottedtreasure Pattern Database

Hi. I want to make a database of all my patterns, but not just knitting. Sewing, quilting, all of it. Just so I stop buying the same patterns more than once. Has anyone ever done this? What did you use?
submitted by knottedtreasure to knitting [link] [comments]


2024.05.14 00:32 twinkerbell96 From best man to uninvited to best friends wedding

A bit of context: A couple years ago my best friend of over 20 years got engaged. Growing up we always dreamed of being each other's maid of honor, and we were so excited for that to finally come to fruition. Shortly after I ended up coming out as a trans man (I am now 1.5 years on testosterone and pass decently well). She still wanted me to fill the role and instead we changed my title to “best man”.
It was my job to handle her bachelorette party and the guest list consisted of the bride (S), myself, my boyfriend, and three friends from S’s neighborhood who are all a tight knit group (I hadn’t met any of them prior). The group was non-responsive, with me having to triple text them just to get answers to my questions. All of this to say–I was quite anxious going in.
Now for the actual bachelorette party: We started the night at one of the neighborhood friend’s house. The two other neighbors arrived and were helping me set up all of the decorations I bought and were being sweet. S arrives and everyone has a couple drinks and we end up playing a card game that one of them brought. The cards had questions that everyone went around and answered. At one point I get up and leave the room to grab something and I hear the question “Who would look the best as the opposite gender?” I could hear the tension even from the other room and my friend goes “Well obviously (my name)”--I was trying to diffuse the tension and chimed in “Oh ya definitely me–I was cute pre T”. At that point I come back in the room and see S huddled over her phone scrolling, with it turned to the neighbor friends. I walk over to see what they’re looking at and it's my instagram page–she had scrolled all the way back to 2016 (through hundreds of my pre transition pictures) and was showing them a picture of me with long hair and looking all dolled up. She said “Oh I probably should’ve asked you if that was ok huh?”. My heart was racing and I felt like I was having an out of body experience and because I didn’t want to make a big fuss less than an hour after meeting these women I was like “Oh it’s fine!”--complete fawn response. Her friends then started bombarding me with questions about my transition and if I was “a male or female”. I kept explaining that I was a trans man, to which she goes “but what is your BIRTH sex?” and I say “female”. She then proceeded to go on about “Ohhhh ok I can see that now! I can see the balance of feminine and masculine in your face. I can see where if your hair was this current color in that picture you would look the same”. S just sat there, saying nothing and smiling the whole time. This entire interaction was made worse by the fact that later in the night the women were once again looking at a phone S was holding and when I came over and said “What are we all looking at?” she turned the phone away from me and asked one of the women “Is it ok if I show it?”--she said yes and S revealed that it was just a picture of a wedding dress that one of the newly engaged women had tried on.
Shortly after we all head out to dinner. At this point S wasn't drinking and hadn’t had anything to drink in roughly an hour. They were all gossiping about their neighbors and other things and at one point S very nonchalantly informed me that my boyfriend and I were going to be moved to a different table for the reception–instead of sitting with her family as was originally planned. She goes on to say that her mom’s boyfriend (of less than one year) isn’t comfortable sitting next to trans people. She then corrects herself and says “Well actually he didn’t say that–my mom just thinks he’d be uncomfortable and asked that you be moved”. Now. I have known this woman for over 20 years of my life. She is like a second mother to me. To say that I was gutted is an understatement. The waitress overheard the conversation and said “Oh my god that’s horrible! I’m so sorry I don’t mean to interrupt but that’s just awful!”. So it clearly wasn’t just me who understood how awful it was. S then proceeded to make excuses for why he thought that way/why she said that. Namely that he was “assaulted by a man when he was younger”. Again, I had a fawn response as I was just trying to keep it together. Earlier in the night she had been talking the guy up and several times mentioned that he “met RuPaul” as if that was an indicator that he was a good person–but now knowing that the whole time she was aware that he’s transphobic it feels insane that she kept feeling the need to sprinkle that in over and over.
These are just the most egregious things but there were microaggressions that she said through the night (ie going out of her way to inform me that she’s still using they/them pronouns for me because she’s still getting used to he/him–I’ve been going by he/him for over a year now).
All the while my boyfriend was deeply triggered and traumatized by the events as he is also transgender and it brought him right back to when he was earlier on in his transition and had to deal with things like this. He felt paralyzed as I had asked him prior to not say anything if the women made any inappropriate comments–but I never expected comments from S. He cried once we got back and was rattled for days after.
We slept at S’s home and in the morning we were drinking coffee with her and her fiance. Once again she brings up the situation with her mom nonchalantly and tells him that she told us. I say “Hey–about that, I really think that I didn’t need to know that. I really would’ve preferred if you had just moved us without letting us know why or made up an excuse”. Her fiance had a look on his face and she said that he was adamant that I should never be told and that his initial reaction to the mom’s request was that her boyfriend just shouldn’t be invited to the wedding. I also let her know that I was uncomfortable that she was showing strangers my pre-transition pictures without asking me. I kept the conversation very brief and frankly overly nice. She apologized and I left and my boyfriend and I went home.
As the day went on the shock started to wear off and I was more and more hurt. I texted her and stressed how much it hurt that she scrolled for multiple minutes through hundreds of my pre transition pictures without asking me, but thought to ask her friend for permission to show me a picture of a dress. She profusely apologized and I dropped it. In the morning I woke up to a lengthy text of her saying that she thought she had asked for my permission to show the pictures and that she never would’ve done it without asking for my consent and that it was all a misunderstanding. I responded stating that I had been out of the room when the question got pulled and when I walked in she was already several years deep in my instagram and then commented “Oh I probably should’ve asked you if that was ok”. The next day the reality of the situation with her mom began to fully sink in and I got angrier and angrier about how she could request that I be moved, after knowing me so long, and how S made excuses for her mom and mom’s boyfriend. I decided to send a voice memo rather than a text so that she could hear that my tone was of hurt rather than screaming and yelling. The purpose was to get her to understand the severity of the situation and how if you replace “trans” with any other minority group it instantly becomes apparent how messed up the situation was. I played the audio for several people and everyone said that it made them sad for me and that I expressed my feelings in a really calm and respectful way. S initially responded that night saying that she needed time to properly respond.
After a week of radio silence she finally replied and said that my messages had been “troubling and frightening” and that “I don’t have the resources right now to make my wedding feel like a safe space for you/us”. I was beyond shocked that her response was to uninvite me to the wedding and I let her know that I couldn’t be friends with her after the way she had handled everything. Later in the day she called me (I didn’t pick up) and texted me saying that her fiance was begging her to call me and make up and that she thought she was doing me a favor by uninviting me and that she thought my audio message was to intentionally kick her while she was down and was me “begging to be uninvited”. I feel like she is backpedaling HARD and mainly because of her fiancé.
Thank you to everyone who read this novel of a post. What do you all think–am I overreacting?
submitted by twinkerbell96 to trans [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 23:57 steepscrimmage 3 Years & 3 Months

This holiday marks 3 years since you walked out of our apartment and out of my life after the better part of a decade of us being all but married. When we first got together, you told me you were the kind of guy that couldn't sleep with a woman unless you had a strong emotional connection with her. It was true back then and it was one of the things I loved and respected most about you, as never once in those years did I have to worry about you being disloyal. You were a good man, a good boyfriend, a good brother, and a good son and, for as much as we argued, I was so proud to call you mine.
Over the years, you leaned away and into the manosphere, began parroting soundbites from "alpha" talking heads, grew a disdain for women and began to believe that women's place is beneath that of men's. I spent a long time wondering if it was because you and I argued so much and if I could've done more to prevent you from becoming what you are now.
It's only been a little over 3 months since we tried to date again. In that month of dating, you told me of how high a standard I set for the women that followed - all 11 of them, you made sure to tell me - and stressed how none of them could come close to me, and how you felt you were almost entirely responsible for things falling apart between us - all words that were a shock coming from you.
After hearing such a number of women in so short a timespan, I asked what happened to being connected before sex, and you said that's how you used to be, that now, you understand what it is to be a man and that men have no issue separating sex from emotion. I didn't believe you, and as the truth bled out over time, it became obvious that you'd gotten your feelings jumbled and left pieces of your heart with at least a few of these women.
For a brief time before that, I thought you'd missed me as much as I'd missed you since you said things that the man who walked out on me would've sooner died than ever admit. Because I could see that bit of growth in you, despite your haughty attitude, I wanted to believe you. You were begging me for marriage and a child, lamenting how you were tired of dating women who consistently disappointed and how you just wanted to settle down with a good woman and start a family. It was a pitiful plea, but I still loved you. So, I told you if you were serious, we could work towards rebuilding trust and see what happened from there.
That was my first mistake. My second was not listening when you initially told me that you'd become a worse person.
Since you were so dead-set on marriage and children as fast as possible, rushing to plan every detail of your timeline with a vigor you'd never once shown in the years we spent together, I wanted to make it work, wanted to believe that there was still good in you reaching out to the good in me. So, I indulged the fantasy, hoping this was your way of making up for lost time.
But a fantasy is all it was.
You initially told me you were single only to later admit, after I had to ask upon seeing her things in your bathroom, that you were juggling me with other women. You told me how you manipulated "pick-me"s to get what you want from them, got mad when I told you I had no intention of competing with them for you, and when called out on these awful actions and opinions, you just said, "I told you I don't think I'm a good person anymore," as if it were some sort of get-out-of-jail-free-card.
To your credit, you ended things with her when I threatened to remove myself from your fantasy future and you never tried for anything more than a goodbye hug with me during the entirety of this attempt at dating so your conscience, or maybe guilt, was present in some capacity, at least.
I asked you why you've chosen to knowingly become a worse person and all you could say was that you didn't feel respected back then, that you didn't know how to be a man, and that you do now and how being a good person as a man just gets you walked all over. I told you I knew this tough-guy alpha business was just a facade. You admitted it was a mask but said that you wear it so often that it's basically glued to your face, now.
What you couldn't answer was why you deserve a good woman like me if you, yourself, aren't a good man. Regardless, you're convinced that you're some magnanimous prize to be won, yet don't see the reality of how you've only reduced yourself to a fuckboy that dangles the carrot of family, marriage, and stability in front of unsuspecting women to your own selfish ends, hoping they'll fight and compete for a love you have no intention of giving, seeing as that's "pick-me" behavior to you.
I should've thrown you away a dozen times over but I didn't because, just like in the past, I could see the confused and hurt boy in you crying out when you lamented how your family no longer enjoys having you around and how thrilled you thought they'd be if we got back together - how you want to be close-knit with them again, like things were when I was still in the picture.
The funny thing is, when they found out we were seeing each other again, they weren't thrilled, instead they stressed for me to be cautious and take things slow because they know what you've become and how you treat women now.
Your family is full of good people that tell me how they love me far more than they like you. They find your opinions deplorable and dislike how quick you are to ruin special occasions to fight them over said opinions. In all honesty, my heart broke for you a little when I heard that you weren't included in the Mother's Day plans while I was.
You said you wanted to regain the gravitas that being established with me and being the dutiful son and brother gave you back then, but you forget how you only showed the worsening side of yourself to me at the time. I kept it from them, but it was you who showed the full truth of your beliefs to them after you left. It was you who lost your family's respect and threw away the close bonds you had with them.
Despite all this, I stubbornly stuck this attempt at reconciliation out after our second-to-last date where the mask slipped and you unintentionally showed me, without a doubt, that there was still a deep well of love and affection for me in you. I think it scared you to realize, too, that your gruff exterior was cracking and that you were softening to me.
For our next date, you came to my place for the first time and saw everything from the life you left behind. I know it rushed you with emotions you weren't prepared to handle, so I figured you'd need time to sort out your feelings, but didn't expect you to end things then and there.
In that final discussion, you repeated that I'm your ideal woman in every way, but that you can't continue with us because you were afraid of stepping back into our old life and becoming the person you were when we were together. That you didn't like that version of yourself - the version of you that at one point-in-time was a far better person, better son, better brother, better boyfriend, and better man.
So here, 3 years later, and 3 months later, I've come to accept that I will never not love you, no matter how awful you become. No matter how many times I move on, in every timeline, every universe, every reincarnation, I will always miss you, love you, and genuinely want the best for you.
These things will never change, but one thing has: the beaming pride I once felt for you has turned to solemn pity.
submitted by steepscrimmage to UnsentLetters [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 23:41 morpheusrecks Dilemma

I'm struggling. My flair says reconciling, but it's on a low arc and approaching failure. Or maybe it's still false. I don't know.
Married 19 years, together for 25; two teenage children with severe emotional problems coming out of the pandemic.
D-Day was 16 months ago, the night before Thanksgiving. AP was literally an alcoholic unemployed late 40-something living in his mom's basement. They had met at a funeral she hadn't bothered to ask me to go because I wasn't leaving the bed in those days and I'd have said no. The night I discovered his clingy, mooning texts lamenting their inability to spend the holiday together, my life - already a terrible, depressive, lonely black hole of a mess and following the sudden, unnecessary death of a parent on Christmas Day - just imploded.
Upon confrontation after Thanksgiving dinner, the response was the worst in all ways possible. WW was high on limerence, and was fiercely unapologetic. She didn't want to separate but demanded an open marriage. She 'deserved to be happy', and felt good about her having told this unplanned encounter that went from EA to PA in 72 hours that she'd never leave me.
She had eschewed having intimacy for years before this. We had been poor to each other over the years, but I fell off a cliff after our kids faded from the world and my parent died. She was legit shocked and belligerent when I refused, and said that if you pursue this I will have to leave.
We made some temporary agreements (ones she did not keep), and started seeing a counselor. I started IC for the first time in my middle-aged life. We were however 'not aligned', as she'd say. She didnt want to give up her boyfriend, and I refused to stay if he was in the picture. I cringe to think back to how I said, 'you can maintain a friendship if you absolutely must but you must reinvest back into working on our relationship'.
This was a no-go for her for a while. She'd meet him. He'd sleep in her place of business. SHe lent him our car. (He crashed it while drunk, btw.) There was a moment when I had the kids in Puerto Rico, and she returned early for a funeral, and she went to the funeral with him and probably had sex after. Meanwhile I was stuck in an airport, trying to get home after a cancelled flight and just threw lots of money at the problem to curtail the time she had with him. She had in the three month relationship began introducing him to family friends, people who knew me.
With someone living a state away, she somehow managed to squeeze in more sex in 3 months than we'd had together in 10 years. In my mind, she was working on replacing me with AP but didn't want to separate for the sake of our kids.
Come January, she claimed to have decided to break things off. I didn't really believe her. I made a surprise visit to her place of business on a weekend, and found him there asleep on the couch with no pants on.
We had words, and despite being beside myself with rage and grief I was able to take his measure. In many ways, I wish I had met him right after D-Day. It was clear he was a narcissistic dumpster fire with pretensions of intellectuality. There were signs of some bipolar behavior. He made clear his intentions was to stay, and to convince WW to leave me. And he still had our car, and keys to her business site. (We live in a large city and don't need multiple vehicles, or even the one car if I'm honest.)
She realized where I was going due to my phone location and ran after me, but got there after I had 15 minutes with the joker. She asked him to leave, but still let him keep our car. She had no words, which has been a theme throughout our marriage. She can't easily access her feelings or articulate them, and she's afraid to express them for fear of my response. I told her after having met him, noted his instability and his intentions, i said I can no longer accept any contact between them. She reluctantly agreed.
From mid-January through to August followed a sequence of false representation of wanting to work on reconciliation and cycles of lying about not having contact. She was in love with him, she claimed, but seemed to go cold turkey overnight. She neither engaged with me nor took steps to reconcile, but claimed how difficult it was and that she was working on our relationship.
We quit the MC we started to see. We eventually found another several months later. We're still with the 2nd MC. In the meantime began a kind of surreal hellscape life for me, as she would say the barest of minimum things, and usually nothing at all about where she was, how she felt, and what was she willing to do to rebuild our relationship. She took no steps to reassure me, or show she wants me. She would say she did, but simultaneously be cold, distant, and - as i soon discovered - was still in contact with AP.
He gave her a burner phone. I found it within 2 days and threw the brand new phone into the river. Cheaters really need to not let unknown devices onto the home wifi networks of the technically literate. We had it out again, she promised to really try. A few weeks later I found unusual call patterns in our cell account. AP had provisioned a new phone number. Following that blow up was the WhatsApp phase, which really began to take the wind out of my sails.
She expressed no remorse. She was resentful of my 'intrusions into her privacy'. She genuinely thought it would be comforting to hear that the affair had nothing to do with me. She would be visibly annoyed when I asked for confirmations there had been no new contact - and even more so when in retrospect when there had been.
There were at least five discrete cycles of deception. AP escalated by getting five phone numbers and cycling through them. Towards the end, she had hid these numbers as secondary numbers of people they knew in common but didn't regularly have contact with. AP would write texts from the perspective of different personae.
Then there were the people who knew, and of those there were people who fully supported her behavior. There were people who aided and abetted it, lending her their apartments, or hoping she finds some comfort. One particularly egregious one, early on, tried to convince Amanda to really try to convince me to find someone else to be happy in an open arrangement. She's still in regular contact with this person.
The culmination of the PA/EA with the AP happened last summer. He eventually returned the car, but only after he had reclaimed it from the police impound lot. He did not pay for the repairs. Or his tolls when coming to and fro to fuck my WW. I did.
I had been fairly successful in identifying his phone numbers and having them blocked at the carrier level with some gaps in time, and diverting his email and voicemail. During ths period where all his means of contact were being closed soon after being opened, he was starting to rage and unstable. WW upon the latest confrontation (i was pretty calm and matter of fact about it) admitted she could not control her behavior, and didn't understand why she was doing it.
AP was a controlling person, with hints of WW's clinically narcissist parent. He wrote a letter and entered her business after hours to leave it. Because he wrote an email saying he was doing this, I ill-advisedly went there to call the police on him. I didn't find him, but I did find the letter. He knew I had been there - either he had been outside or he went back after I left - and complained bitterly about my interference.
His only means of influence had dropped to emails, and he just kept pounding with the short, imperative statements that described outcomes favorable to him. He had started to convince her that I was a threat to her, and trying to convince her I was a threat to our children (for whom I'd die in fire every day).
His tactical error was trying to play up his inability to contact her as a screen for concern. He tried to get the cops to perform a wellness check. He called WW's sister to convince her I was a threat, and that WW was in danger. (She told him off.)
Finally, he threatened to show up at our door with friends and 'free' her. I knew he owned a shotgun; while I didn't actually think he would show up (he had made smaller-scale threats of this kind before and I only realized they had happened days after his 'deadlines'.) I shared this new development with WW. We had agreed to handle it together. However, while I was out one day, she went to her sister's and called him to tell him she was fine but to never call or contact anyone in our family again. It was a muted, brief exchange. I was angry she hadn't stuck to our agreement.
Since then, he's only made a handful of contact attempts soon after the break that really were more for insulting me. I believe on an intellectual level they have had no contact since last summer. I emotionally continue to not feel safe about her intentions.
Since then, it's been difficult. There have been very limited conversation coming from her outside of the MC sessions, and those have trended light on her content. Very recently, she's expressed more. But it's still seemingly grounded in some unhealthy premises. Amongst them:
  1. She at one pointed expressed she regretted the pain she caused, but doesn't regret the experience because (I kid you not) 'she learned so much about herself' and 'many positive elements have come out of it'. (I lost 50 pounds in the first three months post-Dday, and lately I've been hovering around 70. I did have it to lose, having used food to soothe myself over the decade of gaslighting and lack of explanation for her disengagement, and unwillingness to work on it.)
  2. She continues to resent my intrusion into her phone call history. She disagrees with the oft-raised best practice of open-phone/account policies. Her feelings around her lack of privacy unsettle her, and get in the way of engaging (she says).
  3. she doesn't see the value in 'forcing closeness'
  4. she keeps wanting me to 'ratchet it down a notch', but it's not clear what she thinks that means
  5. she finds my sadness and pain to be an impediment to rebuilding closeness
  6. She claims to have read content about rebuilding marriages after infidelity, but to my knowledge she's done hardly anything to rebuild trust. I said it'd be better if you hadn't read it, because to think that you're walking around having read it but still don't do anything feels worse.
  7. She has not taken lead in the reconciliation process, or really done much except endure my periodic/every-2-weeks or so expressions of disappointment and hurt and anger
I'm sure no one has read this far. This is my dilemma. What I'm trying to do here is leave no stone unturned in my efforts to save our marriage. I want to sleep well at night, and I won't be able to do that in a healthy way without going through this.
Yesterday wa the first time she said that he was responsible for destroying my world and my brain, several times over, with the elaborate deceptions (as I'm prone to describing it). I welcomed it and thanked her. But it was only precipitated by a conflict we were having about a mistake I made, where I rubbed her face in my phone snooping by adding unflattering profile pictures to the blocked contacts for the AP. (If they're not there, he could still call her and leave a voicemail when she's on wifi.)
She has had low to middling chronic health issues since April of last year, following her second round with COVID. And if it's not her, it's her parents. Or my surviving parent. Or my brother almost dying. Or the DOL is threatening to reclassify all her contractors as employees. (They should.) Everything just magically seemed to be prioritized over her talking to me.
It's literally, literally been something every other week. She's always tired, always in pain, and I really try hard to stay empathic about it. To hold a space for her. I have taken care of her when she's ill all throughout this horrible time. And she's really appreciative of how well I've supported and cared for her with no promise or signs of reciprocation.
But she still won't have sex with me, and wont talk to me about why she flinches sometimes when I touch her. Or worse, she fakes interest and then I find out otherwise later. Clearly, we have trauma to work through from before the affair. She's not intentionally being cruel. I've expressed remorse over what little she has hinted at, and want to make amends. I love her so much. It's always been my intent to die married to her, and hold our family together.
But it's getting harder to hold onto that empathy. I'm just so tired of feeling hurt, of not having my needs met, and feeling so deeply disrespected in this low-contrition (but maybe trending up) context we're living through.
She seems to evoke a sense in me that everytime I am hurt or express anger, her willingness or energy resets to near zero. Which in and of itself is newly infuriating!
My dilemma is that part of my tenacity in this ridiculous situation that saints would have left three times over already is tied to the idea that by sticking with it and not making it 'easier' for her I'm upholding my self-respect.
But am i? Am I just punishing her by saying I can't let go of my pain until she demonstrates remorse and effort? Being married, a husband and a father of simple small family is a big part of my identity.
It all went to shit a long time ago, but I never checked out. I just didn't understand what was happening, how a wife could treat their partner this way, and I didn't have the maturity or the emotional language to navigate it alone. So I grew resentful and depressed, and just low-level angry all the time. While she would just smile, and say nothing. In public, she'd be affectionate.
In private, it'd be back turned and motionless to my hunger for connection (and release). I turned inward. She, a very social, community-building gem of a human being, checked out and switched to Potemkin mode whenever anyone was looking. I felt like I was constantly being gaslit. Even when I tried to talk about our problems, she'd act as if I had said nothing at all. It was the damnest thing, and I had no words for it.
Maybe she's starting to see the light and be empathic to my pain. But, if that's what's happening, I'm just running out of steam and hope. Hope isn't necessary for me to stay the course, but motivation is beginning to lag.
Any advice?
submitted by morpheusrecks to AsOneAfterInfidelity [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 23:37 LayLoseAwake Seam tape and knit dress cut the "wrong way": to stabilize or not?

I'm making a dress (Seamwork Bobby, my phone is being a pill about pasting links) out of a double layer knit polyester knit fabric. I think technically it's a Liverpool knit, though it looks more like a double layer gauze than the examples of liverpool knits I see online. The fabric store just called it a double knit....which as a knitter I think has a completely different construction.
Anyway, the dress doesn't have a specific stretch percentage, though it does have you stabilize the (lined) neckline with seam tape. My lengthwise stretch percentage is ~40% and my selvedge-to-selvedge stretch is a lot more, like 75%.
I decided the fabric draped better when the grainline was crosswise. So I cut everything running selvedge to selvedge, not cut end to cut end. Because the pattern never called for a stretch percentage, I thought I would be safe. I lined the bodice in a lightweight jersey cut the "right" way. Now I'm second guessing. I have constructed the bodice (minus the elastic waist) and am putting the four panel skirt together. My tricot stay tape is annoyingly sew-on, and I do have some medium hold non-woven fusible interfacing. I can also go out and get different tape.
Option 1: it'll be fine, the dress isn't intended for heavy wear. The shoulder seams and neckline are already taped. (Pattern only specified taping the neckline)
Option 2: Go back and line the side seams of the bodice in stay tape or interfacing. Leave the skirt alone
Option 3: Stay tape the bodice side seams and skirt vertical seams
Option 4: If you do 3, the hem is still going to sag. Stay tape that too.
Option 5: ??
If it matters, I've been doing all the vertical seams and the shoulder seams with a four seam serger. The neckline was a zigzag.
submitted by LayLoseAwake to SewingForBeginners [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 23:27 Agreeable_Owl_2197 My narcissistic mother keeps trying to manipulate me back into a relationship with her.

I (29 F) have had a rocky relationship with my mother (58 F) since my father died suddenly in 2016. Early on my mother's narcissism began to seep out of her, but it was so subtle that I didn't notice the red flags. Two years later I married my husband (31 M), and that was when she began to vie for control over me. She even called me on my honeymoon, and not long afterward she sent a passive-aggressive remark to my husband for reminding her that honeymooners shouldn't be disturbed, and that she has every right to love her daughter. So the pattern of manipulation continued without me being aware of it, and then the pandemic of 2020 hit. At this point my mother had become very insufferable. During Easter, she successfully guilt-tripped me into going to a family gathering when I wanted to obey the stay-at-home order, and tbh I did not enjoy the visit.
A few months later, my mother met this man who was fifteen years her senior, and that was when my relationship with her started going sharply downhill. To give some backstory, his second wife died of cancer five months before he met my mother. My sister (27 F) and I not only feel uncomfortable with this man, but our mother and he were moving extremely fast in their relationship; they got engaged five months after they met. Not to mention that our entire family adores him for some reason. Every time we tried to warn her, she would only dismiss our concerns by saying that she prayed and prayed about it, and that she and her much-older boyfriend are meant to be together by the Lord's will. At the time I was battling untreated depression because of my mother's behavior, almost to the point of suicidal thoughts.
Soon it was the eve of my mother's wedding (ten months after they met). She called me while I was working and tried to persuade me to attend her wedding. I replied that I would rather spend some time comforting my sister because I knew she was hurting; therefore I decided not to go. This filled my mother with an uncontrollable rage that I had never seen in her, and this led to the falling-out that would ultimately leave me broken. I tried to no avail to get through to her, but before she hung up abruptly, she told me that she'd pray that God would open her eyes to two selfish daughters. After that she accused my sister of turning me against her, and also got so many of our family members involved in a smear campaign against us. It was one of the most horrible days of my life, almost like my dad died all over again, and I still carry the emotional scars to this day.
I am trying so hard to go VLC or even NC with my mother to this day, but she always manages to lure me back with apologies and promises that we will take reconciliation slowly. However, I'm seriously regretting breaking NC with her, because every time she apologizes for something she still denies that she's done, she reverts back to her old narcissistic behavior patterns and I fall back into the cycle of emotional abuse. Now she feels entitled to have access to my one-year-old daughter whenever she wants, and my husband and I are going to great lengths to NEVER leave her alone with my mother, because we don't want her constantly exposed to that manipulative, gaslighting, narcissistic behavior.
submitted by Agreeable_Owl_2197 to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 23:24 TheHairiestFairy Knitting celebs

Please correct me if I'm looking in the wrong areas but I wondered if anyone else watches Gogglebox UK and knows what patterns Alison knits/crochets? Or if there's podcasters/youtubers/social media/bloggers that I can follow who make similar items!
I'm just looking for colourful big patterns I guess! She gives me arty mum vibes and I love it!
submitted by TheHairiestFairy to knitting [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 23:15 oftenfrequently Comparing the HTT strategies for each of the main families

Comparing the HTT strategies for each of the main families
Fair warning, this is gonna be a long one :)
I started working on this for my own purposes because I’m fascinated by the similarities and differences between the HTT styling approaches Kibbe recommends for the different ID families, but then thought it might be helpful to share with the sub. I always see lots of mention of “lines,” but the overall HTT approach for each ID is sometimes (often) oversimplified. Plus all the other very fun elements that make up a HTT are, imo, getting short shrift! There are a few users who have posted amazing full HTTs for their IDs and I'm hoping even more people will be inspired to explore.
So what even is this post?
Basically, I went through the styling directives in Metamorphosis (Chapter 4) for the main families and directly compared the recommendations for the IDs on a number of smaller, more discrete variables because my brain finds it more digestible that way. I only did the main families because “you’re a [insert family here] first and foremost!!” is a thing regardless of your ID ;) And I thought it was more interesting to compare the elements of the pure families without the influence of any other undercurrents. Also it just would have been a lot of work to do all of them 🙃.
A few notes before getting to the good stuff
  • I tried to mostly focus on the words Kibbe uses to evoke feelings rather than specific items, since the book was written in the 80s and clothing is obviously quite different.
  • Some of the things that fall in the middle of a scale have debateable positioning since the middles are sometimes hard to compare (ex. Is a moderate pinstripe more angular or less angular than a soft-edged plaid? My vote was more angular but your vote could be the opposite!) I included all of the language I used to determine placement on the scales so you can make your own call if you want.
  • I disincluded some, ahem, charged descriptors in a few IDs but I don’t think it changes the overall picture painted of what that ID would be looking to channel in their HTTs
This post includes all of the scales I compared the families on in 6 main categories - silhouette, fabric, detail, prints, color, and accessories - plus some keywords that came up for each family that give the overall impression of the HTT. I might make a second part later with key similarities and differences between the approaches for each pair of families, but we'll see! I'm also interested in any discussion here or observations that others might have on the various categories :)
And of course you can always read Metamorphosis for yourself in full here, which I highly recommend!

1. Silhouette

This section is related to the base silhouette of an outfit - the overall shape of garments that make up a HTT and how they relate to one another. For the purposes of this category, I'm defining "ensemble" as the pieces look related or like they were purchased together, which I believe is the sense Kibbe uses it in.
https://preview.redd.it/8earo8fbm70d1.jpg?width=1965&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=40f17625fbfc45cc723b9cc83d447111428d8b02
Shapes
  • D - “keep shapes sharp and geometric. Triangles, rectangles, and everything sculpted, sleek, and elongated, with crisp edges.” “square, sharp shoulders”
  • R - “keep your shapes rounded with soft edges! Circles, ornate swirls, and intricate flowing shapes” “shoulders should be curved”
  • C - “slightly geometric or slightly curved, blend the same shapes together in your look” “slight, crisp shoulder padding”
  • N - “geometric shapes with soft or rounded edges are the key. Rounded-edged rectangles. Soft oblongs, rounded-edged squares, irregular shapes, and soft asymmetrics.” “soft-edged shoulder pads are very good”
  • G - “small, sharp geometrics” “sharp edges and crisp tailoring” “crisp” “sharp edges and extreme tailoring and construction” “sharp shoulder pads”
Outline quality
  • D - “Always straight, with elongated draping that is sleek”
  • R - “your outline should always be soft and flowing” “lots of gentle draping everywhere” “soft fluidity”
  • C - “smooth and symmetrical with the emphasis on controlled and even edges, soft, straight lines, or smoothly curved lines - softly tailored or slightly flowing.”
  • N - “a relaxed, straight line is the outline of your look”
  • G - “sharp, straight, and staccato” “severe lines with sharp edges” “broken, staccato, animated outline. Utilizing many short vertical lines and many short horizontal lines is also effective.”
Closeness of fit
  • D - “always tailored and sculpted” “streamlined shape” “tailored and sleek” “the more tailored the better”
  • R - “showcase the lush curves of your body” “Sleeves should be tapered at the wrist” “waistline should always be emphasized, with soft gathers, folds, draped sashes, and lightweight and supple belts to give a cinched effect” “[Jackets] should be fitted at the waist”
  • C - “very slight draping in constructed garments” “crisp and finished cuffs” “tailored pleats” “narrow and tailored [jackets] with a smooth outline.” “lightweight unconstructed jackets are fine when they are kept sleek and narrow. Blazers, cardigan-style, elongated Chanel (not cropped) are all good choices” “softly tailored”
  • N - “softly tailored, always unconstructed” “Your outline should be fairly narrow and slim, in a loose and easy way.” “Dropped waist detail (loose sashes, overbloused tops, ties, etc) is excellent, as are slightly dropped shoulders.” “Relaxed shapes” “relaxed and easy fit” “dresses should be simple and unconstructed, with a narrow shape and a relaxed outline.”
  • G - “Precision fitted and crisply tailored” “[a] precisely fitted silhouette is crucial to your look” “Sharp and narrow waist definition.” “very fitted” “[skirts] should be very fitted at the waistband” “Pants should always be very sharply tailored with outlined or animated detail at the edges (waistbands, pleats, crisp cuffs).” “Skin tight stretchy pants are excellent” “Very tailored [blouses] with sharp edges and crisp detail (collars, cuffs, pleats, etc.)”
Length of garments
  • D - “Long, vertical lines are essential.” “generally [jackets] should be long (ending at the mid-thigh area), although a very sleek, Italian-style might be cropped (be sure this has an extremely sculpted, streamlined shape)” “straight and long [skirts]” “a long hem” “long cardigans or pullovers”
  • R - "lengths should be kept gracefully long as uneven hemlines (mid-calf), and short as the tapered styles with an even hemline (mid kneecap)" "[for sweaters] short lengths with waist detail"
  • C - “standard length is best [for jackets] (just below break of hip)” “slightly longer jackets are possible when the corresponding skirt is elongated to match.” “moderate length [skirts]”
  • N - “Elongated [jackets] (ending from the upper thigh on down.)” “Moderate length [skirts]” “Very short skirts for fun/funky looks.” “Nearly all styles [of pants] are excellent, from very casual to very dressy… short, cropped, or long.” “Any and all lengths [for sweaters]”
  • G - “Short, cropped [jackets]” “Straight, sharp, and short [skirts]” “A slightly flared hemline [on skirts] may be slightly longer (top of the calf). Anything extremely long is very tricky, and must have a slit and be pencil slim.” “[For pants] Short lengths, anywhere from cropped at the calf to the top of the ankle.” “Short, cropped cardigans” “Short cropped jackets, vests, and boleros work well with dresses for you”
Cohesion
  • D - “keep individual pieces blended together in an artful way for elegance”
  • R - “include an artful blending of plush textures, draped fabrics, and luxurious colors” “avoid any kind of harsh contrast between top and bottom”
  • C - “A clean, unbroken silhouette is your most elegant statement! Think ‘head-to-toe’, and blend everything accordingly.” “Use [separates] carefully and sparingly” “Make sure colors, textures, and prints blend together”
  • N - “Separates are extremely exciting on you, and should make up the bulk of your wardrobe” “you’ll do better with an artful mixture of patterns, textures and colors than you will with an overly matched look” “designer sportswear” “definitely mix n’ match in the most sophisticated sense of the word”
  • G - “A use of well-coordinated separates with lots of animated and colorful detail can be very exciting to your look.”
Some random observations from me about this category
  • N fam has a truly impressive amount of versatility in terms of the length of pieces they're recommended, probably because they're the only family that's really strongly encouraged to go whole hog with a mix and match/separates-forward approach (a superpower tbh).
  • Although the scale of pieces recommended are obviously quite different, the words he uses to describe the shapes for D and G fams are extremely similar. Definitely two families that benefit from an emphasis on crisp sharpness and angularity.
  • I thought it was interesting that he used "softly tailored" in both the C and N fam sections, although the effect they're going for is very different (blended understated elegance vs. relaxed funky easy vibes).
  • He never uses the word "wide" in the N fam section. He does, however, use "narrow" and "loosely tailored" a number of times 😈 No oversized shapeless potato sacks here!

2. Fabric

This category is pretty self-explanatory I hope!
https://preview.redd.it/94e76p19190d1.jpg?width=1976&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=816214030ae525dd16ec2e071426eab1e571c544
Definition
  • D - “fabrics that hold a defined shape are necessary”
  • R - “fabrics that drape easily” “flowing”
  • C - “beautiful, luscious fabrics are an important element in your understated look” “very slight draping in constructed garments.”
  • N - “loose and easy”
  • G - “must always be crisp, able to hold a defined shape, and be tailored easily”
Range of textures (how many different fabrics can they use)
  • D - “Moderate to heavyweights are best, with a matte finish and a smooth surface” “textures should be tightly woven, and shiny fabrics should be very stiff and ultraglitzy”
  • R - “softly woven fabrics” “ultrashiny fabrics” “ultrasoft or plush textures” “sheer fabrics” “any kind of sparkle is excellent”
  • C - “Matte finish or slight sheen.” “Luxurious to the touch” “lightweight textures” “smooth knits” “smooth chiffon and elegantly beaded fabrics for evening.”
  • N - “All soft textures are excellent” “any fabric with a rough or nubby surface” “any wrinkly fabric works well” “all woven fabrics” “knits are excellent in nearly any weight and thickness, from very finely woven to very heavy and rough” “Plush velours, suede, and soft leather are perfect” “drapable fabrics are best kept to heavier weight jerseys.” “A matte finish is far superior to sheen for daytime” “In the evening, you can go very glitzy with hard-finished sheens”
  • G - “a flat surface or light texture is best” “finely woven knits, especially when ribbed and skinny, are good choices.” “matte finish is best, although hard-finished sheens can be very exciting (especially metallics)”
Weight
  • D - “Moderate to heavyweights are best” “occasionally lightweight fabrics can work if they are extra-structured in the design of the garment”
  • R - “lightweight fabrics”
  • C - “moderate weights. Lightweights in very constructed or tailored garments.”
  • N - "knits are excellent in nearly any weight and thickness, from very finely woven to very heavy and rough." “moderate weights are best, although textures can easily be lighter”
  • G - “usually your fabric will be of moderate weight, though lighter weights that hug the body are excellent”
Some random observations from me about this category
  • Again lots of similarities for G and D fam as far as structure and matte finish, although D also has heavier structured wovens while G has fine knits.
  • R fam and N fam get by far the most diverse recommendations as far as fabric and textures go (again a ton of versatility in N fam!). Seems like you really can't go wrong with something sparkly, shiny, glitzy, or plushy if you're in R fam. And for N fam it sounds like you get to mix far more textures into one HTT than everybody else does, which is exciting!
  • I thought the emphasis on flowing for R fam was interesting. It makes total sense - I haven't read too deeply into R since I am clearly not one lol - but for some reason I had flowing associated with N in my mind.
  • I really love the C recommendations myself - "luscious fabrics" just makes me think about burrowing in a cashmere blanket haha. I could definitely picture Grace Kelly as I was reading them.

3. Prints

Also self-explanatory!
https://preview.redd.it/nn24my93490d1.jpg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3a8d47c3a4d4d5984b6cac8d9deeccdf7da834c4
Pattern
  • D - “bold and geometric: stripes, zigzags, asymmetrics, and irregular shapes.” “Think Picasso and strive for a contemporary feeling”
  • R - “rich and luscious with the emphasis on an abstract, watercolor blend (think Monet). Swirls of color, flowing together, with soft and rounded edges may be used in abundance.”
  • C - “symmetrical, evenly spaced, and regular or realistic patterns. Understated prints (pin dots, pinstripes, checks, blended plaids, herringbone, symmetrical paisleys, etc.)”
  • N - “casual styles that are soft-edged geometrics (plaids, stripes, paisleys, etc.) and funky prints in irregular shapes (abstract asymmetrics, leaves, animal prints, etc.).”
  • G - “Prints should be sharp, colorful, and animated. Small geometrics and angular asymmetrics are excellent. Most of your prints should be very contemporary in feeling (“Picasso-ish”) although humorous styles that are outlined and caricatured can be quite stunning on you as well.”
Contrast
  • D - “Bold color combinations and high-contrast blends work best”
  • R - “swirls of color, flowing together”
  • C - “Make sure colors, textures, and prints blend together” “understated”
  • N - “generally have a softly blended edge”
  • G - “colorful and animated” “outlined” “contrast”
Scale
  • D - “bold”
  • R - “luxuriously large: oversized florals or feathery shapes are especially lovely”
  • C - “understated”
  • N - “moderate scale to slightly large”
  • G - “small”
Some random observations from me about this category
  • Again lots of similarities for D and G for the type (sharp geometric) and feeling of prints (contemporary/Picasso) with the main difference being large vs. small scale (don't worry, they're about to diverge hardcore 😂)
  • R fam is recommended significantly more abstract and organic prints than everyone else. I also thought it was interesting that both D and R call for larger-scale prints - finally something in common!
  • For C fam it seems like the most important thing is that the prints blend in and are understated rather than drawing attention to themselves.
  • Preferring high contrast and sharp prints vs slightly more blended and soft ones seems like a notable difference between D/G and N fam.

4. Garment Detail

This category is related to the details within the confines of the outline of a garment. So things like necklines, collars, effects like beading and sequins, trim, buttons, etc etc.
https://preview.redd.it/342pwi6y390d1.jpg?width=1971&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=64115f1045c7a3cb6d9ac1d6d843754ca943a603
Shape - sharp vs soft
  • D - “angular shapes” “sharp edges” “clean, angular necklines (plunging v’s, skinny turtlenecks, high Mandarins, slashed collars, halters…)” “anything tailored (crisp cuffs, sharp pleats, sharp lapels, etc.)”
  • R - “soft” “[Sleeves can be] very soft and flowing” “lapels should be curved, rounded, or shawl-collared” “gathers, tucks, or bouffant shapes” “any draped, gathered, or shirred touches are wonderful accents”
  • C - “clean, tailored necklines” “crisp and finished cuffs”
  • N - “Any unconstructed or loosely tailored detail works well.” “Simple necklines… are best, and you should concentrate on open necklines for your air of casual chic” “lapels should be tailored, notched, or clean (lapel-less).” “Cuffs should be very plain.”
  • G - “Detail should always be… sharp” “very crisp, staccato, broken up, and multicolored” “lots of crisp trim” “lots of outlining (collars, cuffs, waistbands, lapels) with piping of contrasting colors or fabric, braiding, beads, etc.” “Small, crisp pleats.” “Sharp, angular necklines - also small” “Small, crisp ties (ribbon, leather, etc.)” “Small, tailored lapels or crisp lapel-less with piping.” “Small, crisp cuffs.”
Scale - large vs small
  • D - “bold, sweeping geometrics”
  • R - “oversize bows, flouncy ruffles, and delicate lace are always good choices”
  • C - “[detail] should never call attention to itself”
  • N - “pleats should be soft and deep” “You can use small touches of hand embroidery or rough lace and eyelet for very simple trim.”
  • G - “Detail should always be small” “Small, crisp pleats.” “Sharp, angular necklines - also small” “Small, crisp ties (ribbon, leather, etc.)” “Small, tailored lapels or crisp lapel-less with piping.” “Small, crisp cuffs”
Complexity - clean vs intricate
  • D - “detail should always be clean and minimal”
  • R - “intricate, ornate… with an emphasis on framing your face” “Sleeves should be tapered at the wrist with intricate buttons” “any kind of sparkle is excellent (pearls, sequins, beading, etc.)” “belt buckles should always be intricate” “the more intricate or antique looking your buttons are the better” “ornate detail” “ornate necklines”
  • C - “clean, simple, and minimal - just enough to add an elegantly understated touch.” “never call attention to itself” “clean lines” “minimal detail” “minimum of detail”
  • N - “detail should be kept minimal. Plain and simple is best for you.” “gathers should be minimal” “simple tailored styles with minimal detail” “Simple shapes with easy fits” “Minimal detail”
  • G - “an overabundance of detail” “You can never wear too much detail! An abundance of it and everywhere in your look is one of the most effective tools you have for capturing your animated effervescence!” “Detail should always… call attention to itself (not blend into the lines of your garments)” “lots of animated and colorful detail” “Collar, cuff, lapel, and waistband detail (outlining, trim, piping, ribbing) are essential”
Some random observations from me about this category
  • A very stark divide here between the families that lean minimal/clean (C, N, D) and the families that lean complex (R, G)!
  • Even though R and G both call for a lot of detail, G fam seems to like it literally everywhere (but especially at the edges) while R focuses on framing the face. Another difference between them is that G detail is high contrast, sharp, and colorful while R fam's detail tends to the ornate, flowing, intricate, and sparkly - very different shapes I think.
  • Finally a category where N fam is not running away with the versatility haha - it seems like a more minimal and clean approach to detail really helps them shine.

5. Color

Y'all know what colors are :)
https://preview.redd.it/5he7hmfk790d1.jpg?width=1949&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bc59971dc9518bfbd276300feccba5838f4d7971
Number
  • D - “Always think ‘head-to-toe’ with your color schemes” “All monochromatic schemes are excellent”
  • R - “include an artful blending of… luxurious colors”
  • C - “Make sure colors, textures, and prints blend together” “monochromatic schemes are excellent, although you do not need to be limited to just one or two colors.”
  • N - “Color is an area in which you should have lots of fun! Strive for zip, verve, and lots of pizzazz with bolds, brights, pastels, vivids, and wild color combinations - anything imaginative.” “Break all the rules when it comes to color! Mix ‘n match with ease.”
  • G - “lots of animated and colorful detail can be very exciting to your look” “Your use of color should be bold and sassy; break all the rules here! Multicolored splashes are perfect. Bright and shockingly colored accessories played against a dark or light background. High, sharp contrast and wild color combinations are all very chic on you. Break your line with color!”
Effect
  • D - “color combination should be bold but elegant. Combining bright shades with dark shades achieves this with ease.”
  • R - “should emphasize a watercolor palette of soft pastels and luscious brights.” “rich, luxuriously blended colors” “pale neutrals… are your best accents”
  • C - “accentuate your smoothly blended visual outline. This means that a mixture of colors in an outfit should blend together in intensity so as not to disrupt your clean and smooth silhouette.” “The key is to make sure the tones (intensities) blend, instead of contrasting.”
  • N - “Strive for zip, verve, and lots of pizzazz with bolds, brights, pastels, vivids, and wild color combinations - anything imaginative. Neutrals work well when they are used in beautifully textured fabrics… but you will feel a little dull without a few bright accents, either in accessories or jewelry.” “Colors can be very wild and unusual if you wish, or more muted and earthy-looking”
  • G - “bold and sassy” “Multicolored splashes” “Bright and shockingly colored accessories played against a dark or light background.” “High, sharp contrast and wild color combinations”
Some random observations from me about this category
  • It's been said before but D fam's inability to do anything but monochrome has been greatly exaggerated. Outfits can have high contrast colors as long as they still read bold and sleek!
  • I found it interesting that both C fam and R fam call for a blended effect.
  • Color seems like a key category to focus on for both N fam and G fam - bold color kings/queens 👑

6. Accessories

The category for everything else - bags, hats, shoes, jewelry, belts, etc etc.
https://preview.redd.it/ek7fu7oz790d1.jpg?width=1923&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7c24f3db63656cef4a8da916665ba0f19893cc86
Scale
  • D - “Belts should be bold and wide” “Metal belts will be sculpted and quite large.” “[Hats should have] wide brims” “[Jewelry should have] an emphasis on bold, modern shapes.” “[For jewelry,] Pieces should be large but not overly bulky.”
  • R - “The effect may be lavish, but the workmanship should be intricate and delicate.” “delicate [shoes]” “[For bags,] Delicate shoulder straps. Elegantly slim briefcases.” “Jewelry should always be delicate and lavish, with intricate and ornate touches. Rounded shapes, curves, swirls, and lots of dangles”
  • C - “slender pumps” “narrow heels” “moderate size [bags]” “slim and elegant” “keep [belts] elegant, slim, and narrow with small smooth buckles” “small and crisp [hats] with even brims” “Small [jewelry]”
  • N - “moderate-sized [bags]” “Jewelry should be kept on the chunky side” “It is possible to get away with very minimal chains, tiny diamond studs, etc., but chances are you won’t be satisfied with this once you experiment with a zippier look!”
  • G - “All accessories should be small, crisp, geometric, and colorful” “Small, crisp geometrics [for bags]” “[Belts] may be narrow to moderately wide.” “Small, crisply tailored hats.” “Jewelry should be small and sharp.”
Shape
  • D - “All accessories should be crisp, sharply tailored, and angular with geometric shapes. Keep everything sleek and contemporary in feeling.” “High, straight heels, crisp soles, and elegantly tapering toes.” “Angular envelopes, clutches, or structured briefcases.” “[For jewelry,] thin sharp pieces are good choices, as are avant-garde works of art.”
  • R - “softly sophisticated.” “[Shoes of] Lightweight and supple leather.” “[For bags,] small, rounded shapes. Soft, supple leather or fabric.” [For belts,] soft and supple leather or fabric.” “Soft, curvy [hats]” “Large, fluffy fur hats.”
  • C - “elegant scarves in symmetrical ties” “tapered toes” “elegant leather” “softly tailored flats” “crisply tailored [bags]” “supple leather [bags]” “tailored, symmetrical shape[d hats]” “Keep your jewelry elegant, smooth, and symmetrical” “Small, slightly geometric shapes [in jewelry] are good, as are smoothly curved swirls.”
  • N - “Unconstructed styles with soft or rounded-edged geometric shapes are most effective.” “high heels should be very angular and straight, not tapered” “unconstructed pouches” “Simple geometrics in supple leather” “softly geometric [belts]” “unconstructed [hats]. Large, loose, and floppy. Shaggy-haired fur.” “Soft or rounded-edged geometrics [for jewelry]”
  • G - “All accessories should be small, crisp, geometric, and colorful” “tailored and angular [shoes] in lightweight leather. Unusual shapes in toes and heels are excellent (asymmetrics, wedges, sharp points, etc.) as are bold colors and printed fabric.” “Small, crisp geometrics [for bags]” “Stiff leather [belts] with geometric buckles.” “Jewelry should be small and sharp and in geometric, asymmetrical, or irregular shapes.”
Detail
  • D - “sleek & elegant”
  • R - “ornate” “strappy, slender-heeled [shoes] with tapered or open toes” “[Flats] with ornamentation” “[For bags,] Ornamentation or luxurious detail (beads, gathers, trim).” “[For belts,] All beaded, bejeweled, or sparkly styles are excellent.” “belts are a focal point, and should be selected as carefully as a fine piece of jewelry” “Jewelry should always be delicate and lavish, with intricate and ornate touches. Rounded shapes, curves, swirls, and lots of dangles… sparkly materials are essential… and an antique, baroque, or rococo effect is desirable.”
  • C - “simple, clean, and elegant” “Be careful not to overdo! Go elegant instead of extreme.”
  • N - “Accessories should be kept minimal; plain and simple is your best look here” “evening sandals should be very bare, not strappy” “belts should be simple” “[For jewelry, think] “wearable art”... or it can be bright and funky costume pieces that add pizzazz! Earthy materials are very elegant and sophisticated on you (copper, silver, amber, turquoise, etc.). Hard-finished enamels and glass are fun, especially when used in bold colors for vivid accents”
  • G - “[Accessories] should call attention to themselves as detail” “Contrast is being strived for with your use of accessories, as well as bringing out your wit and a sense of fun.” “[For shoes] bold colors and printed fabric. Flats of all kinds should always be funky and fun (patent leather, trimmed, etc.)” “Brightly colored belts are excellent aids in breaking your line.” “[For jewelry] Brightly colored enamel, stone, or glass are best. Very contemporary avant-garde pieces are excellent on you, as are trendy pieces that accentuate your wit.”
Some random observations from me about this category
  • In keeping with the general themes, D fam again shines more with much bolder or larger scale accessories than everyone else, although they don't need a ton of detail within them. The overall shape seems to do most of the heavy lifting.
  • In contrast, G fam and R fam once again call for a lot of detail within their accessories. They also get the most fun-sounding shoes (to me, a magpie).
  • And again N, C, and D have the cleaner strategies for accessories, although N does have a more G-like approach recommended for fun colorful jewelry.

7. In closing, some keywords

Picked out from the sections for each main family. I find these helpful to kind of paint a word picture of the overall vibe each family is recommended to go for.
  • D - sharp, geometric, elongated, sculpted, sleek, streamlined, defined, structured, clean, bold, sweeping, angular, tailored, elegant, long, straight, contemporary, avant-garde, crisp, modern, chiseled, high-contrast
  • R - soft, rounded, ornate, intricate, flowing, draping, light, shiny, plush, sheer, delicate, curved, tapered, sparkle, gathers, folds, blended, luxurious, fluid, antique, shirred, flounces, frills, fluffy, swirls, watercolor, rich, abstract, sophisticated, strappy, ornamentation, beaded, bejeweled, lavish, rococo, elaborate, colorful, glitzy
  • C - smooth, even, blended, controlled, softly tailored, slightly flowing, clean, elegant, luscious, understated, quality, moderate, simple, minimal, crisp, symmetrical, gathers, slim, beaded, sleek, natural
  • N - geometric, soft, rounded edges, irregular, asymmetric, relaxed, straight, softly tailored, unconstructed, narrow, slim, loose, easy, textured, plush, matte, minimal, plain, simple, open, casual, chic, separates, mix and match, pattern, color, sophisticated, easy, elongated, short, zip, verve, pizzazz, bold, bright, pastel, vivid, wild, imaginative, funky, blended, chunky, elegant, tousled, free, fresh-faced, glowing, radiant, healthy
  • G - small, sharp, geometric, fitted, crisp, tailored, straight, staccato, severe, animated, broken, short, detail, defined, flat, light, matte, sheen, moderate, call attention, colorful, trim, outlined, piping, ribbing, contrast, pleats, angular, ties, lapels, narrow, well-coordinated separates, tapered, stiff, slim, asymmetrical, bold, sassy, splashes, bright, high contrast, wild, chic, contemporary, humorous, wit, fun, angular, unusual shapes, prints, irregular, avant-garde, sleek, beading, tousled, cropped, fresh-faced, glowing, doe-eyed
Phew! You made it to the end. Hopefully it was helpful, or gave you some ideas of smaller, more approachable categories to explore for HTTs. If not, at least it was a great exercise for my own weird brain processing lol. Feel free to drop any observations/thoughts you might have in the comments, I'm curious what everyone else sees or thinks is notable or interesting!
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2024.05.13 22:49 Enough-Ear-7988 A complex situation between me (M30) and her (F28). Cheating, Emotional Turmoil, Uncertainty and more. Can anyone give a detailed advice on how to navigate this? :(

Introduction
Hi Reddit, I (30M), find myself deeply entangled in a complex, emotionally charged relationship with this woman (28F), whose name interestingly mirrors mine and who shares my astrological sign (Aries) (Not gonna go into that, but just wanted to point it out). Our connection began unexpectedly but has grown into something intensely complex. I'm here seeking your insights and advice on how to navigate this tumultuous relationship.
1. Detailed Background
First Meeting and Instant Connection: We met at the beginning of last December. Our connection was instantaneous; we clicked right away, ending our first encounter with a kiss. This spontaneous beginning set a passionate, though complicated, tone for our relationship.
Ongoing Interactions: After our first meeting, our interactions were sporadic but charged with an undeniable tension. We would see each other occasionally at office events or casually during work-related tasks, where flirting was evident. Our connection deepened significantly by late February this year, evolving from casual flirtation to more profound emotional engagement.
Current Relationship Dynamics: She (28F) has been in a relationship with someone since before we met (2 months prior I believe) but is currently in the process of ending it. She admitted that they plan to have a decisive video conversation soon to conclude their relationship. The video conversation is because they both live in different cities. He doesn't want to come to our city and she doesn't want to go to his city.
2. Emotional and Relational Complexities
Her Long-Term Relationship and Engagement: She was previously in a nearly 13-year relationship that ended in a broken engagement, which profoundly affects her emotional responses and availability. The last few years of this relationship involved discussions about marriage and starting a family, adding layers of complexity to her emotional baggage.
Rebound and Current Dynamics: Her current relationship with her boyfriend (M25) began as a rebound after her long-term relationship ended, complicating her emotional landscape. She is currently cheating on him with me, which brings up concerns about patterns of fidelity and trust.
Coping Mechanisms: She often resorts to drinking heavily (mostly beer) and using marijuana as a way to escape her emotional pain and numb her feelings, which concerns me deeply about her ability to cope healthily with her emotions.
3. Intimacy and Connection
Profound Sexual Connection: Being intimate with her is nothing short of amazing for both of us. The level of sexual arousal and the act itself feel spectacular, raising questions about whether this intensity is due to the 'forbidden fruit' effect or simply because our physical connection is genuinely extraordinary.
4. Key Concerns
Infidelity and Trust: Her current infidelity raises serious concerns about future fidelity. Could the patterns of infidelity repeat themselves if we transition into a more committed relationship?
Emotional Availability: Her need for personal space, combined with her habit of emotional avoidance and her belief system being shattered—no longer believing in "forever," rejecting the idea of starting a family, and dismissing true love—pose significant challenges.
Personal Well-Being: While I feel a profound connection to her and a strong desire to support her, I'm aware of the emotional toll this situation is taking on me. How can I protect my emotional well-being while being a supportive partner?
5. Attachment Styles
Her Avoidant Attachment Style: She displays typical avoidant attachment behaviors, such as distancing herself when things get too intimate or emotionally complex. This style contributes significantly to the challenges in our relationship, as it complicates our ability to connect on a deeper emotional level.
My Anxious Attachment Style: Conversely, I have an anxious attachment style, which heightens my need for closeness and reassurance. This often puts me at odds with her avoidant tendencies, intensifying my fear of abandonment and desire for a deeper connection.
6. Expectations and Personal Reflections
Desire for Clarity and Commitment: Despite understanding that distancing myself might be logical to avoid pain, my emotions pull me strongly towards her. I recognize her subtle signs of care and affection, despite her often stoic façade.
Understanding vs. Emotional Sacrifice: I'm striving to be understanding and patient, recognizing her coping mechanisms as her way of managing pain. However, balancing my emotional needs with my desire to support her is increasingly challenging.
Fear of Abandonment: My anxious attachment style heightens my fear that once she possibly heals or finds stability, she may choose to move on without me, disregarding the support I've provided through her toughest times.
7. Looking for Advice
Reddit, how should I navigate this situation where my emotional investment, fear of abandonment, and a desire for a meaningful relationship collide? I’m in need of advice on how to proceed with a relationship that is as rewarding as it is challenging. Your insights, experiences, or perspectives would be greatly appreciated as I ponder our future. I have very deep feelings towards her. I know she does too, even though the current situation is far from ideal. I feel it in her, in her eyes, in her soul.
Thank you all for reading and for your advice in advance.
TL;DR - Inlove with a taken woman, who is cheating on her boyfriend to be with me, but is emotionally unstable, avoidant attachment, while I am anxious attachment. Help.
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2024.05.13 22:47 shesgoshdangcute The Opening Sequence says a lot about Dani

I've seen a lot of people talk about the opening scene as just the inciting incident that makes her more vulnerable and leads her down the path of the cult, and yes that is true but there's definitely more to it than that. Personally, I see it has moreso giving context on DANI's character and character flaws
  1. First and foremost, Dani's biggest weakness is her passivity. Upon receiving the email from Terri, she calls her family, which is definitely the right move. But then when they don't pick up, instead of sticking to her gut and getting someone to check on her family (I saw another post saying she could have called 911, and her parents were still breathing in the first shot), she calls her boyfriend who gaslights her into dismissing it. After getting the bit of pushback from Christian, she completely dismisses her own concern.
The passivity specifically is something the cult loves to take advantage of later in the film, she is so quick to agree with whatever seems to be happening. that's how I read the May Queen scene: it's an example where Dani going with the motions and not questioning what's going on ends up benefiting her. She's got a "just keep dancing" bone in her body, and it's established in the first scene where even when she feels the need to respond to the crisis, her actions are to roll with the motions and fall back onto a pattern of leaning on Christian (codependency).
  1. Dani's got some codependent tendencies: In the next cut, we see her on a phone call with her friend, which I think people forget to talk about. This phone call has a lot of elements, but I want to focus on the fact that she brings up the issues with Christian FIRST, only bringing up her sister's email as an afterthought/to give context. You see how even before being exposed to the cult, even before her life is turned upside down by her sister's murdesuicide, she is still so quick to dismiss her own perceptions and adopt an outside viewpoint. Because of this passivity and codependence, she ends up completely reliant on Christian for emotional support (who is TERRIBLE at emotionally supporting her)
  2. Overall, Dani's anxiety makes it difficult for her to judge the severity of a situation, which makes her vulnerable to gaslighting. It happens throughout the movie: in the initial phone call with Christian, and it happens again she brings up Christian not telling her about Sweden (which SHE ends up apologizing for), and again in the deleted scene after the Attestupa where she tries to get Christian to leave with her.
I see a lot of the conversation about how terrible Christian is, which I agree he's a terrible boyfriend to her and a total dick. But I think this interaction between the two of them at the start is really telling about both sides of the relationship: even before she's lost her family, she is so willing to fold to everything he has to say. I mean, hell, he doesn't even need to know about her calling the fire department if she's worried about seeming paranoid. But because of this small decision to not take action, she becomes even more dependent and reliant on a boyfriend that really doesn't give two shits about her. Basically, girls, don't listen to your boyfriends when your family's life is on the line
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