Although I'm not completely flat, I still feel like I'm not curvy enough to be considered attractive and it bothers me to the point it makes it difficult for me to function daily. I hate the fact that I have to invest so much time and energy into doing heavy strength training and eat tons of food I hate which leaves me on the verge of throwing up to have a decent looking butt. And I hate the fact that I have to work extra hours in order to afford a boobjob to finally feel attractive enough to be in a healthy, secure relationship. A lot of you will probably say "curves are not a necessity, a man will still date a flat girl if he falls in love with her". But if that so, why is it such a big deal for men to stop watching porn with busty actresses showing off their BBLs while they literally have their partner beside them??? And what makes it worse is when a guy tries to uplift me saying "that's okay, a lot of men consider small boobs cute". Wtf? I'm not fucking ten years old, I don't want to be "cute". And I know that a lot of women with large breasts will probably tell me that it's not pink and unicorns, that they struggle with backpain, pervertis staring constantly etc. but I would still rather deal with that than feel unattractive because of something I don't have any control over. Appreciate your big boobs, ladies, at least you don't have to worry about not being attractive enough in your boyfriends' eyes and them looking up pictures of other women to get off to them. :) PS No, I don't want help. I just needed to vent.

I am in a position of great privilege where i'm able to find out things that most people can't find out. I'm also very experienced with women.
So, for starters, i have first hand experience with how easy to seduce women is even when they have someone. And i've actually done this in the past more as a sociological experiment. Like, that woman is married, i'm decent looking, with a good social media presence. How is it is for me to make her disrespect her husband? I was actually very curious about this when i was a bit younger because i wanted to know people beyond what they tell me about them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, i know you think of yourself as wonderful and super trustworthy. But i want facts. I want to find out for myself. I don't want your word. I was hooked on facts. I wanna get to know reality.
Results: Pretty easy. Most offer quite a bit of resistance in the beginning, but if you're good looking and good with words, you will get there. I'd say if i send 100 DM's to 100 girls that have boyfriend, i can get around 60 to talk in a way that's inappropriate for someone that isn't single. And the remaining 40 aren't necessarily faithful. Maybe they just didn't find me cute enough, or i didn't insist enough. Most of my approaches were weak on purpose. Very basic. Just so i can see how easy it really is.
When it comes to having a girlfriend, you are expected to be lied to. Period. You can't check her phone(supposedly) and modern culture tells you women can go wherever they want, have friends, go to clubs without you, bla, bla, bla. Most guys have no idea how their girlfriends use the simple freedom of having a device in their pocket that gives them access to the world.
"Oh, i just trust her!!!!!!! I'm very secure of myself!!!"
Good luck with that. You're probably being cheated on in a way or another.
My girlfriend never cheated on me, THAT I KNOW OF. However, in the beginning she did lie about still living with her ex. They bought an house together but shortly after things went south and they were forced to continue to live together. She lied about it. I found out through questionable means i have. I forgave her, with the condition that she would never lie to me again. She promised she would never do it again.
I have real trust issues because i've had the opportunity to get to know people so incredibly well. Know their darkest secrets. So yeah, i check on her once in a while through questionable means and...she doesn't cheat(that i know of, but i don't know everything), but she still lies. She got together with her ex, although she promised not to do it, although she knows that would hurt me, and although she would break up with me if i did the same thing. Her words. It's not like i'm requesting something she wouldn't request of me.
I didn't even say anything right when i found out, but i'm very suspicious of everything she does. I'm controlling. And i call her a liar once in a while. And he just repeats she doesn't lie, and that i can trust her, bla, bla, bla.
Now, do i break up with someone like this? Do i accept to live in ignorance and let her do whatever she wants with me having no knowledge of things? Because that's what most guys do. Most guys are absolutely clueless.
I just know of so many women that cheat. Sooo many. It's just so common. And the more trust their boyfriends have in them, the more they cheat. I've absolutely detected this pattern. When a girl has a boyfriend that is super modern, liberal and has complete trust on them, that's when they go wild. On the opposite side, i've met some girls that simply didn't have the chance to do anything because the boyfriend/husband was on top of them like a Pitbull. But some still tried. They just had too much heat on them and had to abort.
My conclusion after years of getting to know people as deep as i possible can is that you can't trust them. You either have no relationship at all or you just accept your girlfriend is probably messaging some other guy. The only kind of solution to this would be to control her every movie and that nowadays is generally considered abuse.

Ten years ago this year, I was selected for a residential internship-like program. I had to move across the country for it. The program was a year long and immediately followed my college graduation. As a 21 year old, I was excited for the new adventure.
The day I found out I was accepted, I told my boyfriend at the time, Sean.
"You're not going to do it, right?" He asked.
He didn't want me to leave him. And while the thought of being long distance sucked, I wanted the experience. I told him that I would be doing the program and that I would help come up with a plan for our shared apartment.
Every day between learning about the program and leaving for it, Sean grumbled to me. Why didn't I stay local and look for a job around our college town? Sean had a couple of more semesters left in his grad program so he couldn't move with me. I thought about what it would mean to turn down the program. It would mean missing out on cool travel opportunities and work experience that I wouldn't get if I stayed in College Town, USA. I told Sean that I loved him a lot but I needed to do this.
I had reasons to believe that Sean would still be living in our apartment when my program ended. He told me there were a few organizations that recruited heavily from his grad program and he felt certain he could get a job with one of them after graduation. I left all of our shared furniture and kitchen stuff in our apartment and packed up my personal items like clothes with me. My program paid for my housing and food and Sean decided that he could pay for our one bedroom by himself.
The program was challenging and at times not very fun. On video calls with Sean, he reminded me that I should have just stayed with him in our college town.
The year progressed. Sean finished his program but couldn't find a job in town. The lease of our apartment ended and he decided to pack everything up and move back to his mom's house. She lived two hours away in an area so rural that the house didn't even have a provider for internet.
"Don't worry," Sean told me. "There's room for you here. And I have a Hotspot. It's not great for streaming. But you could do job applications and check emails."
It was nice that Sean told me that. My own mother told me that she rented out my childhood bedroom and that there was no room for me at her place.
Sean got a part time job at a grocery store. He told me that he was looking far and wide for a full time professional job and we could move together wherever that was.
As my program started to come to an end, I also started my own job search. And it wasn't long before I found a full time professional job in my degree area. The experience I had gained in my internship had paid off! But the job was about 500 miles from where Sean lived with his mom in an unknown town.
When I told Sean, I thought he would be happy for me. The New Town was unfamiliar to both of us but it looked like it had plenty of opportunities for Sean.
"You're not going to take it, right?" Sean asked when I told him.
"Actually," I said. "I am."
I explained how I didn't want to live at his mom's house. Sean slept in a twin size bed in a room hardly bigger than a closet. I imagined trying to make that work with the two of us.
"Well," Sean replied. "You can take the job. But I'm not moving with you. And I'm not doing long distance."
I felt devastated. But I imagined what it would feel like to turn down a job doing what I went to school for only to sit unemployed at my boyfriend's mom's house all day. The house was small. It had one bathroom. I had to walk through my boyfriend's mom's bedroom to access the kitchen. I felt grateful that it was even an option because otherwise, I might have faced homelessness. But if I had any other choice, I would not be moving there.
"Okay," I told Sean. "I'll think about it."
Later that day, I signed my acceptance paperwork for the job.
Sean was irate.
"You didn't even talk to me about this first," he hissed. I had. He had given me his ultimatum. I understood perfectly.
With my offer letter, I was able to sign for a one bedroom apartment at a brand new complex, one with a giant pool in the middle and a gym. It was an entrance to the middle class that felt too good to be true. Sean and I both hadn't grown up without a lot of money. Actually, that was an understatement. Sean had grown up in abject poverty.
I told Sean that he didn't have to move but if he could help me bring my stuff to my new place, I'd be appreciative. He agreed.
"Woah, this place is very nice," Sean commented when he saw it.
He decided to stay and I felt so happy. I felt so alone in this new town and Sean felt like warmth and home, even with the ugly ultimatum he had given me.
Within a month, Sean found a job in his degree field in New Town.
And I wish this was the end of the story. That Sean apologized to me for discouraging me from doing the internship program or taking the job. That he told me that my hard work had paid off.
No. Instead, Sean complained to me and constantly compared New Town to College Town. In College Town, we lived in a bar district and could walk to go get a drink. In New Town, we had to drive to get to a bar. Sean hated that we had to limit ourselves so that we could drive home. On Saturday nights, he reminded me that in College Town, we would be at a house party.
Sean missed College Town so much that I suggested we both look for jobs there. With some more work experience, we might be better candidates than when we were fresh from school. I found a job first and told Sean that if he would like to break the lease and move with me, I'd make enough to support both of us while he looked for a job. Sean told me that he didn't want to be my dependent and that he would prefer to stay in our current place in the town he hated rather than be unemployed.
Of course, I understood this. I was just glad that he didn't insist I give up my job opportunity back in College Town.
It took Sean another two months to find a job in College Town. I thought his homecoming would be jubilant. But he was sad and bitter. A lot of our college friends had moved from the area in the two years we had lived in New Town. We also didn't want to live near the university because of the noise and higher crime rate. Instead, we opted to live about 15 minutes away from the students and the bar district that served them.
Our move back to College Town felt very similar as our move to New Town. We didn't know that many people. Our part of town was unfamiliar. We still weren't going to house parties every Saturday night like we were when we were students. And Sean was even more bitter.
I'm not sure what actions we could have taken to have made Sean happy. But I know that the two of us fought about the move to New Town often. In fact, six years after the move down and four years after the move back up, we had one more final blowout fight about it. And that was the end of the relationship. I remember Sean's ultimatum. And it feels funny to know that he was sort correct. Taking the job was the beginning of the end of our relationship. Even if the break up took years to brew. It was me that ended it. I couldn't live with his constant resentment anymore.
And I think often about what would have happened if Sean had gotten his way. Would I be a manager at the grocery store in his mom's rural town sharing a twin size bed?

Hey. This is going to be rather long story, so if you aren’t feeling up to reading a bunch, just keep scrolling.
I will be using the letter Z in substitution for the girl’s name.
In 2021, I (18M) had a class with a girl (18F) who I thought was cute and liked her personality. I was very socially anxious and awkward back then, so we never really talked. She got a boyfriend, who I had mutually known for years before. I’ve always though he was weird. Not in a funny, quirky way, but in a creepy, strange way. I would see them together all the time and for the first few months she seemed very happy. As their relationship progressed, I noticed she began to seem less happy than usual and even uncomfortable at times. Remember, I was just watching from the sidelines.
Fast forward a year and a half: They eventually broke up. After breaking up, he did some very weird things. He came to her house in the middle of the night and terrorized her by banging on her walls until she let him in. Also, he left a card that says “for my wife” on her car at work one time.
Fast forward to January 2024: She followed me on instagram and we became extremely close extremely fast. I caught feelings for her so quickly. We hung out for the first time on March 1st. I hadn’t had that much fun in a very long time. We both had a genuinely amazing time. However, while we were hanging out, her ex just happened to be at the store we went to. At first, she didn’t want to go in, but then she said it’d be okay. (She didn’t know I had feelings for her at this point) I stayed close to her but let her do her own thing. I have never seen someone look so uncomfortable. Every time he walked closer to her she would back up.
Fast forward a couple weeks: I confessed my feelings for her, and she said she felt the same way about me, but that she isn’t looking for a relationship. I was, and am still, completely okay with that and have always been understanding of it and I made sure she knew that. As time went on, we would begin to hang out in school, she would sit in my car with me before school, we would talk all day every day, we would say good morning and goodnight every day/night, she gave me the nickname “bear” because she said I remind her of a cute bear, we would flirt with each other, I would start coming to some of her games. On April 9th, she had an away game that I went to. I drove her back to the school to get her car so that she didn’t have to wait on the bus. Before leaving, we talked for 10 minutes or so and she told me “come here,” I was thinking she was going to give me a hug. She grabbed my face and kissed me on the cheek. After that, she began to be really touchy with me. Add that with everything else, and it felt like we were together. Even people in school, including teachers, thought we were. May 3rd was our prom, we went together in a group, not as a couple. As I said before, I’m a tad bit socially awkward, so prom wasn’t really my thing, but it was nice to experience. Her and I left prom about 30 minutes early and we just walked around. We were having a great time, talking, laughing, taking funny pictures, and we held hands. It was genuinely the best night of my life. Then we went to after prom, and then out to eat. After we ate, I told her I had something for her. I went into my car and grabbed a Victorian puzzle letter I made for her. It wasn’t a love letter, it was a letter thanking her for being friends with me and always being there for me and that sort of stuff. I told her she doesn’t have to read it right now (she was feeling sick from the food) she said she’d read it when she gets home and told me to text her when I get home and we hugged goodbye. I got home around 2:45 AM and texted her. She called me at 2:55 and said “You know we aren’t dating, right? I read the letter.” I genuinely had no idea what to say, my heart sank when she said that. I mean of course I knew we weren’t actually together, even though it certainly felt like it. I ended up just saying “Yeah what do you mean?” with a little chuckle. She replied with “Okay I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” I could hear it in her voice, she was uncomfortable with it. Right after the call, I texted her “I’m sorry I thought it was too much I should’ve just kept it.” She said “You’re all good I promise. It just felt really deep and I appreciate you being open and stuff.” I then said “Are you sure? I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.” She kept promising me that it was okay and that I did nothing wrong. Then we just talked about how great of a time we had that night and I said goodnight to her. Her reply to that was “I’m sorry, goodnight!” I asked her what is she sorry for. I waited a few minutes, no response. Then she posted on her second instagram account. The song she used was a song by i don’t like mirrors (very sad music if you aren’t familiar). The caption was “so upset guys.” I waited a few more minutes and then double texted. She responded a minute later with “Hi buddy I’m just ready for bed.” and “I’ll talk to you later, goodnight!!” For the first time since we became friends, I didn’t get a good morning text. We had began sharing each other’s location (her idea) in late March, I woke up and saw that she removed it. I texted her at 11:24 AM asking if she was okay. She was ignoring my text and I knew that. After 30 minutes of that, I texted her on imessage (We almost always used instagram to text) and said “We dont have to talk rn if you dont want to but could you just let me know if you’re alright please” she just reacted with a thumbs up. Another half hour later and she texted me back and said “Hi cooper,” I said “Hi Z” and she said “We can talk about it later, okay? I’m not mad or anything.” I apologized again, she told me I was all good and that she’ll talk to me later. 30 minutes later she sent me this: “After reading the letter, it left me really uncomfortable. There were a lot of aspects that made me feel really uneasy. It made me feel like it was a love letter and I didn’t like that. Like I’m glad I’ve made you feel more social and get out there but it just made me feel awkward too. I’m sure you put a lot of effort into it and that’s appreciated but overall, I just felt really uncomfortable” and “I honestly need space from this friendship for a while, I’m not mad or have any ill will towards you but I need space. I hope you do well!” I had been crying off and on ever since that phone call. I hadn’t slept, and wouldn’t sleep for the next few days either. When she said she needed space it genuinely broke my heart. It was so bad that my parents noticed, they’ve never noticed when I’ve been upset before. 6 hours later, I texted her “How long do you think a while is going to be?” She said she wasn’t sure, but she knew my mom was upset about it. After I told my mom what happened, she decided to unsend the pictures she took of me and Z before prom. The fact that she did that, pissed me off. We started talking about how I talked to my mom about the situation and she ended up asking to see what my mom said about it. I have never kept anything from her, but for the first time, I was hesitant because my mom said things like “you need a girl who’s more like you and not so extra” or something along those lines. Truthfully, my mom has absolutely no accurate perception of Z. She was completely blindly firing and attacking her. Why? I have no idea, but it didn’t help me at all.. nor Z. Before sending her the screenshots, I warned her and she said “You can tell me.” She didn’t really respond to any of the texts between me and my mom. We started talking about it all and she was kept telling me she’s not upset with me. We both kept apologizing. Me, for making her uncomfortable, and her, for how she reacted.
Recap for the next month: The next couple weeks were absurdly rough on me and very straining on what was left of our friendship. She has always known when I’m upset in some way or another. She would ask what’s wrong and I would talk about it. By “talk about it,” I mean I would talk about how confused and lost I felt with everything. We had went from being practically inseparable, to barely talking, dry texting, not saying goodnight or good morning, etc. We would still walk into school with each other, but she wouldn’t sit in my car with me before school. She wouldn’t tell me about her days. She would rarely text me first. It was very hard for me. So I would talk about that, and I never really got any clarity on it. It got so hard at one point, that I was on the verge of ending my life. Losing the closest friend I have ever had wasn’t just hard because of that alone. Losing her brought back a lot of terrible things I have been through and it all just hit me at once. Unfortunately, I decided to text her “What if I kill myself?” To sum it up, she talked me down. On my end, that conversation was absurdly manipulative. Not intentionally, but it certainly seemed manipulative from her position and I still feel terrible about it. For the next week and a half-ish, I was in an extremely depressive state and was only alive because I promised her I wouldn’t commit suicide. I still didn’t give up on trying to get some clarity about the whole thing. Unfortunately, AGAIN, the way I went about it made her feel guilty. Again, not my intentions at all. On May 23rd, she finally opened up about it. This is how I learned about the way I had been making her feel through this entire situation. After that conversation, I did some serious self reflecting. I finally got some clarity and it truly made me happy. I still have my ups and downs of course, but since then, I have been good in general. However, during those downs, she would notice and ask me what was wrong. I started hesitating each time she would ask, because I didn’t want to make her feel guilty. Each time, she would assure me it wouldn’t though. It felt like this hopeless loop. She knows what’s wrong, she knows it makes her feel guilty, she asks anyways, I hesitate, she assures me, I talk about it, she feels upset or guilty. That’s was how it was for 4 straight days. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that it would be better to bury my feelings about her. I’m not saying I would bury them in the sense that I would just stop feeling the way I do, that’s not possible. But I would stop expressing them to her. I suggested it a few times and she would say “No we don’t have to bury it” and “I know you can’t bury it, I know you.” On May 27th she asked if I was okay and I told her “Not really but it’s alright” (I can’t lie to her, I lied once and it was about how I was doing and I hated it) she asked me what was up. I said “Idk, am I burying this stuff or not?” And she said “Nvm.” I have never seen her say “Nvm” before. Then, I said: “Okay please don’t do that, I just feel like when we talk about how I feel about what happened it never goes well. I’m not trying to be like weird about this, but if I really am going to not talk about it then I just won’t be able to talk about how I really feel sometimes. Idk, maybe we can think of some other solution to this because I don’t want to make you feel weird when I say I’m not okay and then can’t tell you why. I don’t want that to bring on any guilt or anything.” After 13 minutes, no response. I texted again and said “Z, I’m not upset with you or mad at you if you think I am.” After another 15 minutes, no response. I then asked “How can I fix this?” and she said “We’re fine, I’m just dozing off.” She hates the word fine because in text, people typically aren’t actually fine when they say they are. I completely removed that word from my vocabulary, and now she uses it. I asked if she really means it and she said “Yeah” then “I’m going to bed. Goodnight, sleep well.” The next morning, she walked right past my car and went into school without me. She had never done that before. We clearly weren’t “fine.” I didn’t say anything about it and just let it be. Realistically, it was killing me. For the first time since 2nd grade, I was crying in class. I thought I was hiding it well, but I guess someone noticed. I guess they texted her and asked if I was okay or something, I’m not sure. Anyways, she texted me and asked why I was crying. By this time, I had fully set my mind to not talking about the situation between us, so I said “I was feeling sad, I’m okay now though.” I couldn’t really think of what to tell her, that’s the best I came up with. She asked if I wanted to talk about it, and I just said fuck it and decided to tell her that when she walked past me and into school without me, it made me really upset. Yes, that’s a small thing, but it’s about the principle of it. We walked into school together every single school day for almost 3 months and then after she told me “we’re fine,” she decided not to. She said it’s because she was just really excited to see one of her friends. I honestly still don’t see the correlation in that to this day. She then said “I just don’t feel social I guess?” That’s very contradictory, but whatever. I told her it was alright and that she doesn’t have to explain it. After this, she opened up about the situation more. She told me I’ve made her feel stupid and belittled with how I speak to her. When she said that, I felt more confused than I ever have in my life. It felt completely out of left field, totally random, it honestly felt made up to me. To this day, I still don’t know how I could have made her feel like that. I clarified that I’ve never purposefully made her feel belittled or stupid. I asked if it’s something in specific that I do/say and she just kept telling me “you just have to realize it.” She also told me: “I truly just think you like my empathy. I think that you’re just not used to having someone who genuinely listens to you and is willing to show you the affection I have” This also completely caught me off guard. Yes, I do love her empathy. Yes, I’m not used to having someone who genuinely understands and cares for me and my feelings. However, I love her for so much more than that. I then told her about all of the things I like her for. I have always been there for her, even when she doesn’t feel like talking, or when she’s being dry because she’s upset, or when she won’t tell me she’s upset even though I know she is. I have told her I will be by her side forever and always. I don’t say that sparingly, I genuinely meant that with all my heart, and to hear that she feels like I only like her for her empathy, breaks my heart. She told me it feels like I’m codependent on her and as if she’s just an outlet for when I’m feeling down. That isn’t farther from how I truly feel about her. After some more talking, I said this: “I don’t want you to feel belittled or drained or like I’m using you. I mean I know our friendship has been draining since after prom, it’s been draining for me too, and I know it’s on me. I’m over here constantly just in a state of confusion and because of that, you ask me whats wrong and its the same thing every time. I’m sure that probably makes you feel like I’m trying to guilt trip you by making it feel like it’s your fault. Those aren’t my intentions when I talk about this whole thing, my intentions are to just try and get some clarity on what happened. I’m sorry that that has come at the expense of your mental health, that’s terrible and I should be better with how I go about talking about it. This was never my intention and I genuinely apologize for making you feel like this. Our friendship means the world to me and I hope this can all get better. I’m going to try my hardest to be better in how I talk to you.” She responded with “Okie,” and I thanked her for giving me clarity on the situation. That was at 5:11 PM and we didn’t text again until I texted her at 11:43 PM and said goodnight, she was already asleep though. In the morning she reacted to it with a heart. That morning she went into school before I got there, it wasn’t totally abnormal, she had done it before so I didn’t read into it that much. I have two classes a day, my teacher for my second class on this day, is also her coach. So she would come to my class sometimes and we’d hang out. She did on this day too, surprisingly. I wasn’t sure if she was upset with me or not, so when I heard her come in the class and heard her talking to my teacher and other students I just sort of tuned it out. My anxiety was through the fucking roof. Eventually, she talked to me a bit and she seemed completely happy with me. After she talked to me, my anxiety got worse and I asked my teacher to go into the little side room because it’s quiet, colder, and darker in there. I sat in there just staring at the wall with my laptop open to pretend like I was doing the work. After 10ish minutes she came in and asked if I was okay. I told her I came in there because it’s colder, dark, and quiet, but I didn’t mention my anxiety. We talked for a few minutes and then she went back out. Since this day (May 29th) we have been back to how we were all of March and April. We don’t text as much still, and don’t say good morning, we occasionally say goodnight though. But outside of that, it’s been great. The last day of school was June 5th. From the 30th to the 5th, each school day, we hung out. She started sitting in my car with me in the mornings again. We started facetiming again, it’s been amazing. For the most part, since the 27th I have genuinely been doing better and focusing on myself more. I’ve come to the conclusion that I cannot dwell on the potential of what me and her can possibly be someday, or not be. On the 31st, we had a senior picnic (realistically just a shitty little cookout behind the school). We went together with another student from my class who we’re both cool with. We were together for some of it, but I let her do her own thing for most of the time. Incase you haven’t picked up on it by now, she’s a lot more popular and social than I am. Anyways, she asked me if I wanted to go back into class with her and of course I said yes. We went back into my teacher’s (her coach) class and we were listening to music together, laughing, having a great time and we were playing 2 player games together. Just having a good time. The entire time, she was very touchy with me. She was leaning her head on my chest, holding my arms, laying her head into me when I would make her laugh very hard. Her leg kept almost gravitating towards mine in a sense. My love language is physical touch and she is well aware of that. We eventually left and said goodbye and went home. She texted me a few hours later and said @I had fun today” and we both said that multiple times throughout the rest of the day. When I came to the conclusion of not dwelling on how we would end up, I also decided to give her a little space. I stopped texting first as much and began to let her come to me on her own time. She was working for the rest of this day and she texted me at 12:13 AM (our last text was 7:59 PM and before that it was 4:15 PM) and we just had some normal conversation. She didn’t text me at all Saturday (June 1st) until I texted her at 5:20 PM telling her I had just mowed our teacher’s grass. She was very dry, but I just tried to not read into it. She texted me at 12:58 AM and we had some normal conversation. Sunday morning she texted me first and we ended up facetiming before she had to leave to go to an event with some friends. We talked a lot on Sunday, the complete opposite of Saturday. Each school day until the last day, we hung out in my teachers class and each day she was very touchy with me and we had a great time every day. On the 4th, she came to the gym with me. It was the first time we hung out not in school in a long time. Just like any time we’ve hung out, I had the time of my life. After the gym, we walked around the grocery store and then we were just having fun playing around in the parking lot after that. We both had so much fun. When we hang out, it feels and looks like shit you see in coming of age movies. It’s amazing. On the last day of school, we hung out in my teacher’s class again. We got taco bell for us 3 and we picked it up together and brought it back to the school. We hung out for a few hours and then I had to leave. Yesterday, we went to the gym together again. Again, we had an amazing fucking time. While we were working out we were both making some sexual jokes. After the gym, we walked around the store again, then we went back to my car in the parking lot and were talking and listening to music. She told me to lean my seat back. She got on top of me and we started kissing. Honestly, I have never kissed anyone before. After 10 seconds-ish, she pulled away and was laughing because apparently I kept getting her chin my mouth. I truly don’t remember, I blacked out when it happened. She got off of me and then we were just talking and going through her camera roll on her phone. After 10 minutes or so, she said it’s about time for her to leave. Before she left she said “Well, we tried it. I’m sorry, I can’t do strings attached. But we tried, it was sweet. Forgive and forget” I assured her it was okay and laughed and said “forgive? forgive what?” Then we just said goodbye and that was that. After I got home sent her a song (we send songs to each other all the time) and she didn’t respond to it, but she said “Are you sure you’re okay?” Honestly, I am okay, but I’m just very confused on the “I can’t do strings attached” thing. I don’t really get it. We are extremely close, have an unbelievably amazing time together every time we’re around each other, and there’s an obvious attraction towards one another. But since I am okay, I told her “Lmaoo yeah I’m all good buddy” and then said “Are you okay with it?” We basically agreed to just not really talk about what happened in the car, and that’s okay I guess. She didn’t respond to it. We started having a little conversation. After that was done, I replied back to my “Are you okay with it?” text and asked again. She suddenly got very dry and said “Huh” then I clarified. She said “Yep” and I just said okay and “Well I’m gonna shower so if you text me and I don’t reply that’s why.” She just reacted to it with a heart. 34 minutes later I texted her asking if her teammates know I’m coming (Today she’s having a dinner with her team and she invited me to it on Wednesday when we were hanging out). She said “Nah I haven’t told em” and asked why. I said I was just wondering and I said “I hope they don’t mind,” she responded with “Idk.” It seems like she was upset, but maybe she was just tired. I’m not sure, but an hour later, (11:31 PM) I gave into the urge and said “You sure you’re alright buddy?” She opened it this morning, completely ignored it and instead sent me a song. We texted all morning like normal.
So, that’s that. That’s everything. Right now I am very confused and worried. Since I really didn’t exactly talk about it, I am genuinely in love with her. I have never felt so strongly about anyone, let alone anything in my entire life. Aside from everything I love about her, it feels like there’s something just pulling me towards her. I am wholeheartedly willing to wait my entire life for her, and I mean that. Also, when she gave me clarity, she told me her feelings for me were genuine and she said she means it wholeheartedly. She also said she sort of just lost feelings for me. However, after this past week or so, I do not believe that she doesn’t still have feelings for me. I can’t believe that with the way she looks at me, the way she talks to me, the way she acts around me, the way she touches me, the way she laughs at almost everything I say and do. I just simply cannot believe that. If anyone actually read all of this shit, I would love to hear any thoughts or advice you have.
TLDR: I am in the situationship of hell and not exactly sure what to feel, think, or do.

I was a damaged person. But I was on the mend.
I had a pretty traumatic break up with my childhood best friend, turned girlfriend. I had known her since we were 8 years old. We had been boyfriend and girlfriend since we were 13 and had been so for 9 years until my junior year of college when she cheated on me in a very cruel way. It came to light that she had cheated on me many times before as well.
I loved her so god damn much! I thought we were one of those stories where two souls were knitted together from eternity to eternity, or some hallmark card bullshit like that.
I was emotionally shattered and it took me a while until one day about 2 years later, I woke up and thought about her, but then realized that I hadn't thought about her at all the previous day. It was glorious and I knew then that I was on the mend. After that, my healing process sort of exponentially snowballed and I was back in the saddle as far as relationships went. I started going on dates and meeting up with women.
I was a software engineer working for a large corporation. Because I was good at my job, and because I didn't have a family, I was given the opportunity to move to Singapore and lead a project there for what would be a couple of years but turned out to be 7 years.
The great thing about Singapore is that they speak the "King's English" when they're not speaking "Singlish" (a patois of mostly English with funky grammar, but with Malay, Chinese, and Hindi thrown in). So I didn't have to learn a whole new language to fit in. I just had to learn how to translate Singlish to English, which wasn't too hard after a couple of months of trying. I even learned the lingo and it would amuse my coworkers a whole lot when I spoke Singlish. They thought it was hilarious.
I was a good looking guy (still am!!) but I really let myself go in my depression. I was a tall, muscular 210 pounds when I broke up with my ex, but I had ballooned up to over 300 pounds. I started a workout regimen and lost it all but the workout regimen became sort of an obsession. It was the one thing that grounded me. After I went to Singapore, one of my business perks was a gym membership at "Fitness First", a local gym franchise. I was down to my previous weight, but I had to practically camp out at the gym because the best thing about Singapore is the FOOD. The food is incredible! However, you WILL pack on the weight if you don't get your ass to the gym.
The meet cute
I was working out one day much later than normal due to some overtime on my project and I saw a girl on a treadmill. The treadmill was the one I usually use because it was in the back and kind of out of the way. The girl was stunning! The thing that stuck out to me was that she was had her hair in a pony tail through a ball cap, which is a look I find very attractive. I was a little nervous because, even though I was fairly confident about the way I look, I was definitely batting out of my league with this girl.
I went to her and chatted her up after she got off of the treadmill. She didn't look me in the eye and didn't really engage. I figured that I had acted like what is now known as a "gym creep" and I figured it was a "swing and a miss!" I apologized and said I wouldn't bother her anymore. I stuck out my hand and said "I'm OP, by the way. What's your name?"
She hesitated and looked at me for a bit and said "Lilly" (not her real name).
I remember this exactly because she later said that it was what intrigued her about me. At the time, she was an actress/model who had done some print/public billboard type ads, product demo booths at expos, and even a bit part in a local tv (Mediacorp) series. She had started to attract public attention because of these (mainly the TV show and the ads that were hanging all around town at that time) not just from men but from women too and it was super uncomfortable for her.
The fact that I had no idea who she was relaxed her and made her think that I was attracted to her for her and not because her face was everywhere at the time. After she told me about it, I did notice her face everywhere. But photoshop was a thing even back then, so I didn't recognize her from her ads and I really don't look at ads, tuning them out. I also didn't watch her TV show because it was in Mandarin Chinese and I don't speak or understand any Chinese, and I wasn't in a position where I was required to attend or arrange trade shows.
In the years prior to meeting me, Lilly had undergone a lot of plastic surgery (breast, eyelid, facial contouring, nose job, lipo, etc). She said it got to where she didn't recognize herself in the mirror and it disturbed and depressed her. She hadn't particularly wanted the surgery but she got the procedures done at the behest of her family who wanted her to bring in more money and the people in charge of her career development (don't know the term). It was all very expensive and she felt like she owed her family and the talent people who managed her.
Later, I found out that she hated the public recognition. Not just from men, but mostly from women who were really catty about her plastic surgery. The people in charge of her were pushing her to start singing but she didn't have a good voice and would need a bunch of training for that. She was depressed due to not recognizing herself in the mirror any more and didn't want to follow the career track that she had been on. They were pushing her to do more figure/body modeling which was why she was in the gym. She was SUPER uncomfortable with that and constantly hungry and pissed off.
She was afraid that she would do some more modeling and then get married off by her parents to some rich mainland Chinese man that she would be ambivalent about (she preferred Caucasian men) and she'd be forced to be a traditional pampered Chinese wife living in Beijing.(Doesn't sound that bad to me. Some of those Chinese businessmen live crazy luxurious lifestyles.
Since I was working a lot of overtime, I kept going to the gym later at night and we saw each other and I would wave and smile and she would smile and wave back. OK I was kinda hoping to meet her regularly. I spotted her on a couple of exercises and we began to chat with each other a bit. A couple of times I had to steady her because she was fainting from being hungry and working out at the same time. I used that as an excuse to take her out to a hawker center, which like a mall food court but with delicious local food (not chain restaurants). We chatted and got along really well. It became a regular thing until I confessed I had a crush on her. We started dating after that until it got to a point where she practically moved into my place.
She, of course, had her share of guys interested in her. She was on livejournal at the time (remember livejournal??) and she was doing that and posting pictures of herself for her career mostly, but I'm sure she did enjoy the attention. She had one guy from Belgium who was really after her. He actually bought her 800 thread count sheets, which is an oddly practical but vaguely inappropriate gift. He actually visited Singapore on business (he was a tech sales guy) and wanted to meet up with her in a public place, a hawker center. I still had trust issues from my previous "love of my life" betraying me. To this day, I cringe at my behavior at the time, but I laid down a clear boundary. She could absolutely go see and hang out with this guy if she wanted to, but if she did, she'd be doing it as a single available girl and we would be through. She said she saw my face "turn to stone" and it was clear that she would lose me if she went to meet up with that guy. That honestly gave her pause about our relationship and she really considered ending it at the time. I didn't know that until much later, though. Certainly, I'm glad that she didn't. She didn't go meet up with the guy. To this day, we call the incident "The Belgian Waffle". OK so I call it that, she thinks it's stupid.
Meeting her family
Eventually, Lilly asked if I could have dinner with her parents, saying that they wanted to meet me. I bought some gifts, basically Japanese cookies in really nice packaging, and then we met. I did the traditional thing and formally introduced myself and asked them about their family and history.
At the time, Lilly got some criticism from her extended family because I am a white guy. There was a certain stigma attached to local girls who liked white guys. They called those girls "SPGs" which stands for "Sarong Party Girls", a derogatory name for the prostitutes who would entertain British expats at after hours parties "back in the day".
Over the next few months, I won over her family mainly by eating their food and being accepting of their culture. I grew up in Texas, so pickled jalapenos were common in my house...like salt and pepper, we put them on everything. Later on, I was the kind of guy who put tabasco or sriracha on everything. So eating their spicy food was no problem for me. I remember us both going shopping at an open air market and seeing an older woman cutting up cili padi. I asked if I could try some. She looked at my pale face and then at Lilly and she said I could. I bit into one and chewed it up as the woman looked at me with an amused look on her face. She was waiting for me to jump up and down with fire shooting out of my mouth, I guess. I disappointed her, but she and Lilly were impressed. She later told her mother and she was impressed too. She wanted me to eat one for her as well. Oh well, trained monkey time I guess.
The real test came when I tried Durian for the first time. This is the same food that "defeated" Andrew Zimmern, the "Bizarre Foods" guy. I actually liked it. I had a D24 durian, which admittedly is like the "beginner version" of durians. There are like 16 different types. When you get past the smell and actually taste it, it doesn't smell that bad any more. It's very sweet and creamy. It's like the taste overwrites your disgust of the smell. I think that's what really impressed them to an extreme degree. They started calling me an "egg", because I was "white on the outside but yellow on the inside."
I would visit her grandmother with her. In true Chinese fashion, Lilly and her brother Johnny were raised by their paternal grandparents while their parents worked full time jobs, so her grandmother was like her mom. She was in an elder care facility at this point, though. She didn't like living there, but it was all they could afford. We would visit her every week and she'd be very happy. She didn't speak any English at all so she and Lilly would just chat speaking Hokkien Chinese while her grandmother would pet my hairy forearms like I was a dog. She was absolutely smitten with my hairy forearms.
Meeting my family
After a little over a year, I took her back to Texas to meet my family. It was quite the culture shock. Lilly was amazed by red barns and hay bales, black and white Holstein cows, things she saw in movies about the USA. She particularly was impressed by the cluster mailboxes lined up on country roads ("So cute, leh!") We actually had to stop the car and take pictures of her standing next to them, smiling goofily for the photo. I made sure to take her to the Texas hill country during spring, when the hills are covered with soft green grass and festooned with bluebonnets, sunflowers, indian paintbrushes, black eyed susans, daisies, etc. I had to practically hold her down to keep her from picking them. It's not illegal or anything, it's just frowned upon and tradition to leave them alone. OK, I let her pick some. Give me a break, I was in love with the girl.
Driving was also something that kind of boggled her mind. Texas is huge, and traveling from my parents' place to visit my brothers and their families was a seemingly endless trek. Driving from Houston to Austin, to Corpus Christi was crazy long, even with the stops to visit my relatives.
Lilly was practically agoraphobic at the big sky in Texas. She was used to being in a forest of tall concrete and steel buildings, with only strips of blue sky available at the top. In Texas that sky went from horizon to horizon. She was also amazed at the uncountable numbers of stars at night away from the city lights. She later told me it was like visiting Narnia or something.
In Texas, she got her share of looks from guys, especially in the bigger cities. I wasn't jealous. I've never been a jealous guy, although my experience with my ex "love of my life" really put my radar up, I still was proud that other guys were attracted to her. My attitude was "go ahead and eat your hearts out, she's with me!"
When she met my oldest brother, it was like a cultural thing with her, so she was very deferential and respectful. I knew that my oldest brother was attracted to her because he was stumbling and stuttering when he was speaking to her, looking at her but kind of avoiding looking at her. I wasn't too concerned because he was a married guy with 2 sons and not a scumbag, but it was still pretty amusing to see "Mr. Smooth-don't-let-em-know-you-want-em-kid" at a loss for words.
My parents met Lilly finally (she was super nervous but she did really well) and later my mom brought me aside and asked me if she should re-set her mother's diamond engagement ring. I thought about it a bit, and then told her "yes". My mom's eyes started sparkling with images of unborn grandchildren and she smiled bigger than I had ever seen her smile (kind of unsettling actually). My dad later brought me aside and basically told me I couldn't do any better and I would be a "god damn fool" if I let her get away from me. I agreed. My dad then told me something that remains with me to this day: "She will make your life sparkle, son." (she has).
Before our time in the US was up my mom gave me the ring and I asked Lilly to be my wife in a field of wildflowers, which had become her favorite place to be in Texas. She said yes. Looking back, that was one of the happiest days of my life. It was up there with losing my virginity to "the love of my life" (who turned out to be a duplicitous crazy person but at the time it was really special), my wedding day to Lilly, and the births of our children.
The Engagement
When we got back to Singapore we had to pretend we weren't engaged because I had to ask her parents for their daughter's hand in marriage. I spoke with them and explained how my prospects in my career were good. I told them that I loved their daughter and that my family also loved their daughter. We had to schedule a phone call between my parents and her parents.
I had clued my parents in as far as the traditions go. In Chinese culture, the groom pays for the wedding rather than the bride. The groom also has to give the bride's parents certain auspicious gifts. My parents luckily had done a tour of China a few years before and knew all of this beforehand, having befriended their local tour guide who was saving up money for his own wedding at the time. On the call, they agreed upon a pinjin, which is basically "betrothal money". We started to plan the Guo Da Li ceremony which would take place in 3 months time, and 3 months before the wedding.
Unfortunately life threw us a curve ball and Lilly's grandmother died. It was bittersweet because, while Lilly missed her, her grandmother had become very old and infirm to the point where her quality of life was pretty low. All wedding stuff was put on hiatus until the funeral was over plus 100 days for mourning.
After that, we were able to do the Guo Da Li ceremony. I gave my future in laws a red packet of money plus special cakes and 12 mandarin oranges and gold jewelry. It all went very well.
Wedding planning started in earnest. I got some money from my dad (who insisted) but the lion's share was out of my pocket. During this process I was able to meet some incredible people. The stand outs were Richard and Jimmy. Rich and Jimmy were tailors and dressmakers. They were a couple and they gave my fiancée a really good deal on a wedding dress and cocktail dress if she agreed to do some print modeling for their business. They also made me a tuxedo and a suit. I offered to model for them as well and we all had a good laugh at that prospect (OK they were doing most of the laughing - ego still hurts from that one, guys).
The venue we were using was Chijmes. It's the same one used in the move "Crazy Rich Asians". It was back when they had first started offering it up as a venue so it wasn't crazy expensive at the time. Plus, it was a smaller venue for weddings. Usually weddings are held in large hotel ballrooms and are huge affairs (this is what I was told). The families both invite everyone they've ever met to come: Neighbors, business contacts, everyone. They all bring red packets filled with cash. We opted for the "small" wedding.
The Bachelor Party
We had planned bachelobachelorette parties on the same night (separate venues). Lilly's MOH threw hers while Rich and Jimmy threw mine. My best man was my dad (because he's the best man that I know) and so cigars and brandy would have been disappointing to my work friends and my future brother in law and cousins. I don't think anyone was prepared for what happened.
We had the party at the sushi restaurant of a friend of Rich and Jimmy's. It was after hours. We had some incredible sashimi and rolls. I even tried fish sperm. Didn't like it. I asked Jimmy are you sure it's FISH, sperm?? He said of course he'd never do that to me. To be fair, it did taste and smell very fishy. I don't know how human sperm tastes like (or maybe I do now, I don't know).
After the sushi was done, it was time for the entertainment, and oh boy. Rich and Jimmy hired a trans entertainer who sang show tunes. The thing is, she had an incredible voice. She was obviously biologically male, but she really carried herself with a lot more femininity than I've seen from biological women. She sang and told jokes and roasted me pretty thoroughly. My dad was there and he thought it was funny as hell. My friends from work, especially the Aussies and Brits, thought it was great, my future BIL and most of my future cousins did too. Other cousins politely excused themselves and left. I think the free flowing booze and beer kept most people there, though.
After her thoroughly entertaining performance, it was time for the dancers. This is kind of where it went off the rails. Rich and Jimmy hired exotic dancers...but they were all male or trans. Now, to be fair, it wasn't like they didn't tell me about it beforehand. They did. Personally, I thought it would be hilarious to announce that the strippers were here and then have male dancers come out. I have a twisted sense of humor, I suppose. I certainly wasn't going to cheat on the most beautiful woman in the world mere weeks before our wedding, so prostitutes and female dancers were completely out of the question for me. They jokingly suggested male dancers it and we laughed. I thought about it a bit and I guess I'm "take-the-joke-too-far" guy so I encouraged it. Lilly knew about it and thought it was funny as well and wanted me to video tape it while it happened. ("Yeah right you just want to ogle the dancers" "Of course, lah!")
What I wasn't prepared for was the PLATOON of banana hammocks that marched out into the restaurant. Smooth greased up Asian chests everywhere! My dad was of course shocked at first and then looked at me and we started laughing and the ridiculousness of it. My dad stood up and clapped his hand on my shoulder and put a mock serious look on his face. The people immediately around me witnessed my dad telling me that he loved me and accepted my life style choice and that nothing I could say or do would ever change the fact that he and mom loved me and accepted me. Thanks, dad. I was laughing during the whole thing and my future BIL and work buddies who were around me were laughing as well. My dad excused himself and said he had to go find my mom and tell her the "bad news about her future grandchildren" and left ("Can adopt, lah! Can surrogate, meh!" Thanks for the support, guys). My future BIL laughed and said that since all of the available male dancers were at my party, there were none available to attend his sister's party, so she was "safe".
Among the highlights of the evening is that I discovered that a few of my co-workers and future cousins were in fact gay. I was told to stay out of the ladies' room no matter what. I wasn't planning on going in but thanks for the warning. I was proud that we all only vomited in the trash cans and not on the floor (what a waste of some damn good sushi....and fish sperm). Rich and Jimmy stayed next to each other all night. I even saw them holding hands and looking at each other lovingly. To my shame, I was under the common misconception that all gay men were very promiscuous and I kind of expected them to pair off with the dancers. What I saw that night was a very loving monogamous relationship.
The Wedding Day
The day of the wedding came a few days later and I had the good fortune of being the first one in my family to experience the fun and interesting experience of a groom going through a Chinese-style wedding. I say "Chinese-style" because while we did do a lot of the traditions from a Chinese wedding, we did say vows to God before a Christian minister. This was something she insisted on as her family had converted from Taoism to Christianity (but still kept the Taoist traditions and festivals).
First up was the gatecrash. I went over to the her family's apartment and the MOH and bridesmaids stood at the door refusing to let me in unless I gave them $9999.00. Nine is a significant symbol to them. It means "longevity" I think. So the whole idea is for me to haggle the price down by doing challenges and games. I had to do a handstand and walk with my hands. I had to answer trivia questions ("What is her nickname for you?" "Cranky old man" "What is your nickname for her?" "Baby"). BIL and I had to do "the worm". I haggled them down to $99 which I paid to them in a red packet. My BIL and wife chided me for not going lower but my dad was there and was in his 70s and couldn't do any feats of strength.
After I "secured" my bride, we did the traditional tea ceremony with her parents and my parents. Lilly was dressed in a traditional red silk qipao, tailor made by Rich and Jimmy. I gotta tell you people, the qipao really does it for me! Not gonna lie, it was like cupid gut punched me when I saw her dressed in it . My parents were pretty stoic throughout but my mom sympathy cried with Lilly's parents when she tearfully did the tea ceremony with her mother and father. We received red packets from each set of parents. I was told the red packet her parents gave us had most of the bride price we paid in it. Her mom gave her her grandmother's jeweled antique watch and my mom gave her a sapphire ring (sapphire is my birth stone). As we left her home to go to Chijmes, I told her "we're keeping that dress, understand me??" She laughed.
We got to Chijmes, did the photos and she walked down the aisle in a beautiful white dress with a small train behind it with sequins on it. My dad gave me the ring. He was my best man. He was my best man because he's the best man I know. After the wedding, she changed into a champagne colored strapless cocktail dress another Rich and Jimmy original. THREE wardrobe changes, people! THREE! All with different hair and make up and she did it super quick. I don't know what wizardry was invoked but we may be indebted to the hoary netherworld.
We honeymooned at the Fullerton Hotel. The old British colonial Post Office was converted to a luxury hotel in 2001. We stayed there for 3 days ordering overpriced room service ("Go to hawker center, lah! Much cheaper better food, meh!).
Emigration and Immigration
So a little bit before this time, a little event happened in New York. You might have heard about it. Anyway because some sexually repressed incels decided to murder thousands of people, USA's immigration was all jacked up. The INS went bye-bye. Then we had the BCIS for a brief moment, followed by the USCIS. I saw that my project was ending and my company helped me with her immigration. It was a pain, though. It seems like we had new forms to fill out every week while the old ones became obsolete. That's how I remember it, anyway. It was a pretty frustrating time and I almost had to leave her behind (it wouldn't have been permanent but it would be a long time). Luckily we were able to make it time.
For explanation purposes, we didn't get LEGALLY married in Singapore. We had the religious ceremony but no "government contracts" were involved. This is because, at that time at least, it was easier to bring over a fiancée than a wife, for some reason. So Lilly was a "90 Day Fiancée"!! We got married at the county courthouse when we finally were able to go to my new project. We didn't wait 90 days. We did in three (jet lag).
Unfortunately for her, we moved from Singapore, a 24 hour international class city, to a sleepy seaside town in the USA near a military base. Lots of fun was had with that. A total fish out of water story for another time (What is this "coin laundry"? Do you Americans have a place to wash your coins?).
My BIL got married to a beautiful girl and moved to Australia and opened a Bait and Tackle store in Surfer's Paradise on the east coast of Australia. He has 2 daughters. In 2012 he was caught cheating on his wife and lost everything. She moved back to Singapore with his kids, and he kind of struggled for a while. He got another bait and tackle store eventually and tries to see his daughters whenever he can. They don't have a good relationship.
Rich and Jimmy celebrated the decriminalization of homosexuality in Singapore in 2022, but they still can't get married. We still talk from time to time. Writing this, I find myself missing them. I had some really fun times because of them. I've never had better conversations in Singapore than with them while at Lilly's dress fittings (and my suit fittings).
We have been married for 21 years. She has never given up being a Singaporean citizen. She keeps her passport current. She's a "permanent resident" here in the USA. We have three kids, two boys and a girl. We are still married. She still wears her hair in a pony tail with a ball cap when she works out. She still wears that qipao on special occasions, which I try to achieve as often as possible. She's still my Baby and I'm still her Cranky Old Man.
Thanks for reading.

In today's world, consumers are more conscious of where they spend their money.
They conduct extensive research before making a purchase, with 53% of buyers saying they always do research before buying to ensure they are making the best possible choice.
This is where case study video production comes in. According to a study by Google, case study videos help increase trust and can ultimately result in more sales for businesses.
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Key Takeaways

• Case study videos can help increase consumer trust and lead to more sales.
• Creating a case study video involves 10 simple steps.
• By following these steps, businesses can create effective case study videos that can help increase consumer trust and ultimately lead to more sales.

What is a Case Study Video?

A case study video is a type of video that showcases real customer success stories to demonstrate the value of a company's products or services. It is a powerful marketing tool that can be used to sell to potential customers and retain current ones. Unlike written case studies, video case studies allow viewers to see and hear firsthand how a company's products or services have helped a customer achieve their goals. Creating case study videos requires careful planning and execution to ensure that the final product effectively communicates the customer's story and the value of the company's offerings.

Case study video benefits

Case study videos are an excellent tool for businesses to showcase their customer success stories. These videos can be used in various marketing campaigns to attract new customers, strengthen relationships with existing ones, and increase brand awareness. Here are five benefits of creating case study videos:

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Trust and credibility are essential for any business to succeed, and case study videos can help increase both. According to a study by Accenture, trust is as important as growth and profitability when it comes to the financial health of a company. This is especially important for younger generations, as 42% of Gen Z and 30% of millennials do not trust the average American company, according to a study by Morning Consult.
Creating a case study video adds authenticity and credibility to your brand, which can increase trust among leads and help convert them into new customers.

2. Relate to your customers

Customers want to feel connected to the brands they use, and case study videos can help businesses achieve this. A survey of 1,000 consumers by Sprout Social found that 64% of consumers want brands to connect with them. When asked to rank which channels brands should use to create the best opportunity to connect with customers, video came in 2nd place (beaten only by social media).
Creating relatable case study videos that aren't overly salesy can help businesses build a stronger bond with their customers. This can encourage customers to spend more, stay loyal, and give positive word-of-mouth marketing.

3. Boost sales

Case study videos showcase the benefits that a business has given to one of its happiest customers, which can help boost sales. According to Video Marketing Statistics 2022, 2 out of 3 people say they'd be more likely to make a purchase after watching a testimonial video demonstrating how a business, product, or service had helped another person like them.
When viewers see someone they can identify with in a case study video, it makes them think, "huh, if that happened for them then maybe it can happen for me." The more confident people feel in a brand, the more likely they are to buy from that brand.

4. They're easy & inexpensive to make

Case study videos don't have to be expensive or complicated to make. They can be created with just a smartphone and some simple editing software. Even with B-roll footage added, case study videos are still much quicker, easier, and cost-effective than most other types of videos.
Creating case study videos on video apps like TikTok is also a possibility. The better a video looks, the more credibility it will have, but even simple case study videos can be effective.

5. Strengthen your relationship with existing customers

Creating case study videos can also help businesses strengthen their relationships with existing customers. When a happy customer agrees to take part in a case study video, it shows belief and loyalty for the brand. The process of creating a video together can strengthen the relationship even more and could result in the customer becoming an even bigger fan of the company.
In conclusion, case study videos offer many benefits to businesses. They can increase trust and credibility, relate to customers, boost sales, be easy and inexpensive to make, and strengthen relationships with existing customers. By incorporating case study videos into their marketing strategy, businesses can create authentic and relatable evergreen content that is customer-centric and emotionally connects with their target audience.

How to Create a Case Study Video in 10 Steps

Creating a case study video can be an effective way to showcase the value of your product or service. By highlighting a customer's success story, you can demonstrate how your business can help others overcome similar challenges. Here are 10 steps to creating a successful case study video:

1. Decide on a Goal

Before creating a case study video, it's essential to establish a clear goal. While the ultimate objective may be to increase sales, it's important to drill down deeper and identify specific hurdles you're trying to overcome. Consider what the biggest barrier to purchase is for your product or service and use the case study video to eliminate those doubts.

2. Identify Your Target Audience

In addition to defining a goal, it's crucial to identify your target audience and keep them in mind throughout the development process. Consider what motivates your target audience, what's important to them, and what they want to know. By keeping these factors in mind, you can craft your video to speak directly to your target audience and increase your chances of success.

3. Choose the Right Customer

Selecting the right customer for your case study video is critical. Rather than choosing your happiest, most complimentary customer, select a customer whose journey best fits the narrative you're trying to create. Approach your customer politely with an email or a friendly chat and ask if they'd like to be in your video. Make it easy for them to say yes by letting them choose a convenient time and offering to cover travel expenses if required.

4. Write a Script

Crafting a script is essential to creating a roadmap for your video. While it's not necessary to write everything down word-for-word, having a script will help you guide the day of shooting and create the bare bones of a narrative for your video. Outline the customer's problem, explain how your company helped them, and round off with key benefits.

5. Add Stats Where Possible

When discussing the benefits that your company has brought to the case study customer, stats and figures can help. Solid figures that show a clear benefit will make it easier for buyers to present your case study video to their employer and say "we need this." Invest in research to find tangible figures that prove the benefit of your product or service to improve your credibility with viewers.

6. Find the Perfect Location

The setting of your video can make a significant difference to the viewer experience. Choose a location that matches the look and feel you want to portray in your video and is convenient for everyone to get to. Most great testimonial videos will have a couple of establishing shots to set the scene, so don't underestimate the power of a great setting.

7. Create a Shot List

A shot list is a document that maps out each scene you want to see in your video. Creating a shot list will help your day of shooting go more efficiently. It's especially important if you're handing over the responsibility to an external film crew. A shot list will ensure you get all of the shots you need for your video without forgetting anything.

8. Shoot Your Video!

Set up your cameras, grab your script and your shot list, and make sure you get everything you need. Make sure your customer feels comfortable, and take the time to break the ice and calm their nerves. Patience is key here – if you give your customer the time they need to feel comfortable, your case study video will look much better.

9. Edit Your Video

Editing can make a significant difference to your video. A great edit that cuts between different camera angles and shots, includes a fitting soundtrack, and maybe even some title slides or animations that help to emphasize certain points will really elevate your video. Edit your video in a way that will increase viewer engagement.

10. Share Your Video

Once you're happy with your video, it's time to share it with the world. Create a specific landing page on your site for your case study videos, and post your video on social media platforms like Facebook, LinkedIn, and YouTube. The more places you post, the more views you're likely to get.
By following these 10 steps, you can create a compelling case study video that engages your target audience, showcases your product or service, and drives sales.

6 Top examples of case study videos(UPDATED)

1. Wolt – Get Camera Crew

Wolt's case study video demonstrates that authenticity is key to creating an engaging and effective video.

2. Google Ads – Chuckling Goat

Chuckling Goat's case study video is a perfect example of how to create a captivating video. It has all the ingredients needed to make an amazing video, from gorgeous establishing shots to a light-hearted joke at the end. The video allows Chuckling Goat to tell its story before weaving Google Ads into the narrative naturally. The animated graphic that accompanies the growth facilitated by Google Ads is a great touch.

3. Zoom – Customer Stories

Zoom's case study video showcases that you don't need to focus on just one customer to create a great video. Instead, Zoom decided to feature multiple customers, resulting in a cool and varied collection of benefits that Zoom has brought to different customers. What's more, all the customers appear to have recorded their portion of the video using Zoom, which is a nice touch.

4. Samsung – Superdry

Samsung's case study video for Superdry Norway is visually stunning. The opening timelapse of Norway is crystal clear and sets the scene perfectly. As we get into the meat of the video, it's great to hear what the Superdry staff have to say about the Samsung screens while we (as the viewers) get to see them in action.

5. Hubspot – Avison Young

Avison Young's case study video demonstrates the impressive results of its partnership with HubSpot. The video does an excellent job of laying out the customer's initial problem before introducing HubSpot as the perfect solution. The title of the video includes the impressive results of Avison Young's partnership with HubSpot, which encourages viewers to keep watching to find out how that happened.

6. Claranet – Pets at Home

Claranet's case study video for Pets at Home is heartwarming and engaging. The video manages to keep viewer attention with help from a heartwarming soundtrack and clips of various cute animals. The video also uses animation to emphasize the role that Claranet has played in helping Pets at Home to grow.
These top examples of case study videos showcase the different approaches to creating a compelling and effective case study video. From using animation to emphasizing the role of the customer, these videos demonstrate that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to creating a great case study video.

Final Thoughts

Creating a case study or testimonial video can greatly enhance a brand's credibility. Companies can use these videos to showcase their success stories and how their products or services have helped their customers. Whether it's for iOS, Android, PC, or Slack users, a well-crafted video can be a valuable marketing tool.

Gotham was a sad and dirty place, the criminal's run the streets living in fear not of the GCPD but of the Batman. Batman had once fought crime with three companions, a fourth added later but as Time went on and each child grew apart from their master and becoming their own person. Jason was dead Barbara was paralysed Grayson was training as a police officer Timm retained loyal.
Barbara Gordon had suffered at the hands of Batman, she had lost her ability to walk at the hands of the Joker, she lost her best friend at the hands of the Joker but she blamed Batman. Years had passed since then and in time she had gained her independence once more and built a life as a cyber security officer for GCPD and in his guilt Bruce had spent millions developing a chip, which once implanted in her spine she would regain her ability to walk. Will the surgery be a success? Could she walk again? Would her Boyfriend have time to support her all the way? How will this affect their relationship?
Thank you for reading this far. I'm looking for someone to play as Dick Grayson, Jason Todd or Bruce Wayne. I'm only interested in a romantic relationship between Grayson and Barbara. Potentially slice of life and cute. Barbara and Dick are in there late 20s early 30s All partners must be 18+ SFW Only on reddit not interested in moving apps

My (30F) mom (65F) is definitely BPD/HPD with some narcisissm possibly. She was a teacher, so she justified abusing me through munchausen by proxy (I was on antipsychotics by age 6). She has always been simultaneously jealous of me and ashamed of me, and would alternate between the two based on how pretty I was.
I am currently low contact with her for the past few years but I want to go NC. The problem is she keeps getting my siblings and dad (they are no longer together) to talk to me about it. My brother just had a kid and I don't want her to keep using that against me to pressure me to see her. But I want them to know about the things she has done, and I want to tell her she can't be in contact with me until she specifically apologizes for these things.
In my 'awkward phases' she was physically abusive on one occasion that I remember. When I was 'cute/pretty' she was just mean and would subtly accuse me of being gay. She always needs to be the center of attention. When I started getting prettier around age 15, she attempted suicide while I was at home by overdosing on her pain meds from a surgery. Years later, when I had my first boyfriend at 23 and he wanted to propose to me, she told him that I had "medical issues" and "might not be able to have kids." So she tried to sabotage my relationship, which didn't work.
Then when I got married, she was mad I didn't let her plan a bunch of stuff, and got "sick" and left very conspicuously in the middle of the reception. During photos, she took my bouquet. When we were shopping for wedding dresses, she kept asking me to try on dresses that were way too small until the shop lady said no. Then when I was trying my dress on a few days before the wedding, it was a bit too tight and she told me verbatim, "Oh, Name, STAAARVE YOURSEEELF!"
Also, a few years ago I told her that I was sexually assaulted by my grandfather and also groped by my uncle. She was relieved that "it wasn't that bad" because it wasn't rape. She then kept pressuring me to see the uncle because she "really loves him."
There were also instances of severe neglect. I almost died when I was around 4 because I fell down the stairs and she didn't take me to the hospital until I started projectile vomiting. The emergency doctor called a helicopter to airlift me due to swelling in my brain and told my mom to get my dad to come to the hospital. She didn't want to because he was preaching a sermon at the time.
Can anyone help me write something to her?
Here is my cat haiku: Silly little toe beans! Cute fluffy fur! Must pet.

Received a message via email after submitting proof of income docs. The message said they will notify me of a decision within 1-2 weeks. They asked for paystub and W-2. I included both mine and my boyfriends who live with me. We have seperate accounts but household income is over $100k combined. Anyone know if the below message means I might be approved? Or declined? I'm nervous, really want a chase card.
Hello,
We received your documents. We appreciate you sending the documents we requested. We will review as soon as possible and will respond by mail within 1 to 2 weeks. No further action is required at this time.

Tigger warning- cheating, polyamorous, insecurity, relationship hardships
I don’t know where I can safely talk about this more like a want to get it off my chest situation. My family has a weird dynamic, not only do we coparent to the best of our ability but we also allow our ex’s to sleep on the couch if needed. We have always been open and honest about a lot in our relationship and we even have family days with our kids other families.
We personally don’t see this as abnormal, our friends and family find it odd though. My boyfriend and I are not polygamous nor do we have an open relationship. We just agreed that having our kids have access to all parents involved including step parents was what is best for our family.
This is how it’s been since we have been together. However, last night my boyfriend told me that his ex had made some uncomfortable comments about me. This was sparked during intimacy when I asked why he always gets extra excited when she’s over. Yesterday alone was 3 or 4 times. This didn’t sit well with me however, I carried on my task. During completion he whispered to me “I wouldn’t share you unless you wanted me to, you are mine”
Cute sentiment there however, I’m not comfortable with how this conversation went. There’s been a few times I suspected him of being with her behind my back but I laid it to rest because the person saying it was known for lying and causing drama.
However, now I am not so sure. His comments left me feeling uncomfortable around both of them. He kissed me goodbye in front of her this morning and my gut wrenched. I had to change outfits this morning because I felt uncomfortable around her. I know it’s not necessarily her fault but I just didn’t feel right being in a low-cut summer dress in front of her. Plus my toddler was breastfed so she likes to pull my shirts down which made me feel even more exposed.
I’m just not sure where to go from here, our friendship dynamic changed when that conversation was had. I just need advice if anyone has ever been in a similar situation. I all the sudden feel like a third wheel in my own life and I don’t understand what’s going on anymore.

I live on property at work as a Horse trainenanny for my boss. My apartment is away from the house and over one of the barns. I do pay rent for my apartment but I don’t have any sort of signed rental agreement. I told my landlord that my boyfriend would be visiting and riding one of my horses (not staying overnight), and he told me that there are “no boyfriends allowed on the property”. He told me that I was told this from the beginning in my contract, which it is not and I was not told. In an email that is not my contract he states that no unannounced personal visitors are allowed and prearranged visitors close friends and family can be allowed. There’s nothing about no visitors allowed, in fact he let my best friend stay with me in November and then during this convo about my boyfriend said he may have been too lenient about my best friend staying. He has told me I have no tenant rights as a “live in nanny” but as far as I’m aware you don’t pay rent and you’re classified as a W2 which he gave me a 1099 and has me classified as an independent contractor even though I don’t have my own nannying business and treats me as an employee.
Where I am paying rent and have no rental agreement other than what I pay for rent, can he legally prevent my boyfriend from visiting me?

At the time I was 13(F). My (13 F) friend (14 F), who we will call Stacy had been my friend for 3 years. We had gotten really close to each other at the end of year 8 and we were in a trio with my other friend,Grace (13 F). Grace and Stacy always used to argue and I would be the one who split them up most of the time.
We soon moved into year 9, because our specific school had ended at year 8, most of our classmates were going to the same school as everyone but there were going to be new people there aswell that we would get to know.
Soon we made a little friend group in that new school it consisted of, Stacy , Grace, Eloise(13 F), Lana (14F), Tom (14M),Elliot(14M). At the beginning of our little friendship I had a massive crush on Elliot because he was a good guy and I found him Funny. And before I knew it we have been dating since feb 6th. Tom and Lana were dating but Stacy kept saying they looked like eachother which lead to a huge argument between Stacy and Lana.
After that happened everyone was mad but we kinda dismissed it. Me and my boyfriend, Elliot, had a very close friendship with Stacy and we basically did everything together but now that I’m saying this on Reddit I don’t think it was a healthy friendship. Eloise and Stacy had an argument where Eloise had said someone else’s dances were cute but apparently that wasn’t enough for Stacy and she wanted Eloise to comment on her dancing.
When they fell out Stacy called her a cunt and said she should kill herself. My boyfriend, Eloise and I ignored her for two days but eventually we forgave her and then Stacy tried to tell us that Eloise stole us from her and we should ignore her but Eloise did nothing to us so we obviously didn’t.
Now some important information I’m going to tell you here Stacy’s exbf , Harry( 14M). Harry she met online on Snapchat and obviously Stacy has had some issues in the past so she got emotionally attached to him. In the first 3 hours of them meeting my boyfriend forced them to like be together if you want some context to that ask me in the comments bellow 😅.
Eventually they broke up after two weeks of dating and I was still dating Elliot, and obviously she stayed on good terms with him UNTIL…. She started an argument (seems like there is a pattern in this story). Long story short about this arguement I had told Harry the night before about an arguement that I had had with my boyfriend and asked him for advice.T he next day when I tried to tell Stacy what had happened she kept interrupting me and just talking about Harry and how annoying he was. They had an arguement and well well well Stacy was in the wrong but then she kept saying all the this untrue shit about him. I blocked him because she told me some things I couldn’t shake about him it just annoyed me. But like I talked to him for a few days before I did and I thought we could be friends and stuff but I couldn’t. RIGHT keep that in mind.
Okay skip to our weekend off and Stacy was staying in my house and I obviously wanted to see my boyfriend before school for a sneaky snog because my school had strict policy about relationships. We had an arguement we fixed it.
The next day, Stacy recommends me and my boyfriend going on a break and I’m like no but she said she had already spoke to Elliot about it so obviously I was pissed. So we take a break because I respected his wishes. Tell me why this bitch(excuse my Language), during sport she is like ‘hehehe yeah I liked Elliot but I let Rosa have him’. Like excuse me, she was acting like Elliot would’ve chosen her over me. Eloise and I gave eachother the what the fuck look.
One of the many comments I had received that week was ‘Rosa, Stacy trying to steal your man.’ , ‘Rosa I saw her walking with Elliot and flirting with him.’. I was concerned. Eloise texts me screenshots of Stacy calling her a drug dealer and a cunt and many other things. I say to my self I need to warn Elliot so I do and we talk things out and I tell him I have a plan…
Comment for part 2!!!

hi slushy nooberz! i never post on reddit and i am not even a crazy slushy noobz fan- i just occasionally watch their videos/podcast, but last night the so called “virus” got to me, and i had a dream i thought i should share.
in my dream, i was causally scrolling through instagram and saw that they were coming to my hometown, but they would only select 40 people out of everyone who signed up, so i quickly opened the form and started to type away
the form was more like an application to prove that you were a true fan, so the first question asked how you found out about them and how long you’ve known them for, it said smth like “And don’t say 60 years because we haven’t even been alive for that long :D”, so i started writing a super long detailed response about how i’ve known about hamzah since the pandemic days and about promiscuous girls and 4freakshow. for martin i didnt know what to say so i only wrote one sentence saying “I’ve known martin for a long few months”
as i’m typing this, i go into the form results and i see that they are already picking people so i start to stress out and go to the next question.
the next question was a multi-select and asked which mental health disorders you have because it would increase your chances of getting picked. there were a lot listed and i picked the ones i have.
idk there was a few more questions i forgot but after i was done i was so stressed and ready to submit it in hopes i could get a spot but then as soon as i went to click the submit button… IT WAS GONE. OH NO!! 😱 i was so upset i felt like i lost the opportunity of a lifetime. i even debated emailing them and lying about a learning disability to justify why it took me so long to fill it out so that they would give me a spot.
*MANDY FEATURE\* while i was trying to find their instagram to see if there’s any updates about the spots being gone, i searched up “slushynoobz” and mandy actually had the handle now and her account was popping. i was like wow that’s so cute that they gave her the whole thing. martin and hamzah’s handle was just “martinandhamzah” now. maybe this is foreshadowing 😱😱😱
yep, and that was my dream! so concise i know!

Context: This is an experimental script written for a soft Dom from the perspective of a Sub. The relationship presented here is written with a safe, healthy relationship in mind, but can be adapted as needed
Setting: The Listener's house
Tags: [M4A][Established Relationship][Soft Dom Boyfriend Speaker][Bratty Listener][SFW][Comfort][Gentle Guidance][Boundaries][Dom/Sub][Cuddles][Go To Bed][CW: Some BDSM Lingo, etc.]
Usage: You may tweak or record this script. Gender flipping is OK! Please credit me if you use this script in any of your projects. If you would like to use this script for a paywalled recording, please note:
Monetization: All forms of monetization are OK with me! YouTube, Patreon, etc. I would appreciate being able to listen to the recording, if possible. Let me know if you have any questions. Thank you!
Check out the rest of my scripts by using the Script Directory, if you'd like :3
[Scene opens in your living room late at night]
[SFX: Typing and tooth brushing]
“Baby.”
[SFX: Typing]
“Baby.”
[You try not to acknowledge your muscular boyfriend as he folds his arms and leans against the doorframe]
“Sweetie, we talked about this. You need to fix your sleep schedule. You told me to hold you accountable, and I’m holding you accountable. Bedtime.”
[...]
“Honey, you’re the most adorable creature in the universe when you pout and whine like that, but you’re not going to crack me.”
[He takes a sip from a coffee mug, raising his eyebrows expectantly]
“Well…?”
[Pause]
“Hmm, true. For however much control you allow me, I’m never going to take your agency, sweetheart. But you should remember… you put your trust in me for a reason, and I told you what that trust would mean for you. I’m here to guide you. Not control you.”
[Pause]
[He gives a slight smile]
“I am saying that I only want what’s best for you, yes.”
[...]
“Sweetheart, I know you want to stay up and reclaim your free hours, but you need rest, and you have a vacation coming up soon. We have a vacation, rather. We’ve made more spots for free time during the day to help you feel like you’re getting some of it back, remember?”
[Pause]
[He chuckles quietly and beckons to you]
“C’mon, sweetheart. I like seeing you well-rested more than I like seeing you pout and groan in the morning when I have to wake you up.”
[Pause]
“Alright. Rule number one, baby: I’m not here to make assumptions. Right now, I’m checking in to confirm what you need from me. Now, do you want to talk about why you don’t want to go to bed?”
[...]
“Are you wanting to reclaim your freedom from work?”
[...]
“Is there something you want to stay up for?”
[...]
[He pauses and laughs quietly]
“Aww, you just wanted to argue a little because you like getting my goat. Hmhm, you’re so cute, but you know that’s going to come with consequences, right? I am keeping a mental list of how many times you decide to misbehave.”
[Pause]
[He sips from his drink again, nonchalant]
“No, not for Christmas purposes. Bedroom purposes. I keep a mental list so I know how much punishment I’m going to have to hand out next time I get you all to myself. With how much you’ve been sassing me, lately… should be a fun session.”
[Pause!]
[He laughs as you throw yourself into his arms dramatically]
“And there they are, running right into my arms! You really think you’re going to get any mercy from you activating your cute mode?”
[...Pause?]
“Hmhm. ‘Yes?’, they ask tentatively. So cute. C’mon, you. Maybe I’ll give you some brownie points if you get ready for bed with less complaining. Who knows?”
[SFX: The Listener grumpily getting ready for bed/a TV flicking on]
[You dutifully get ready for bed while he lies down, checking his phone. Any time you try and goof off, his eyes rise and fix on you]
“Ah ah ah… I see you trying to wriggle into those bottoms that need to be in the laundry. Off.”
[Pause]
“I’m not the one that spilled spaghetti on them, hon. Now, off and in the laundry hamper. I laid out your spare favorite pair.”
[SFX: Cloth shifting and the Listener crawling into bed]
“Hmhm, so grumpy. Come here. Straddle my lap.”
[Pause?]
“Of course, you still get your positive affirmations for the evening. You think I’m going to get angry enough over pajama bottoms to deny you that?”
[...]
[SFX: The bed shifting as the Listener straddles his lap]
“There’s my sweetheart… Look me in the eye while I treasure you.”
[You meet his gaze]
“Good… I told you, when we started this, that your boundaries are always going to be more important to me than my pleasure or control. This is about trust… You need to trust me to have your best interests at heart in order to give me that control, but also enough that you believe me when I praise you. I know you like to put yourself down, but I want you to empty your mind of those thoughts. I want you to listen to me, now.”
[Pause]
“...There we go. Now… You are a beautiful, wonderful, sweet person with such a playful sense of humor. You’re so sexy, sweetheart. So devious and teasing. You make it hard to keep in control, sometimes, you know. Especially in public where I can’t exactly sneak in a slight spank or a pinch… can I?”
[Pause]
“Hmhm… you’re all relaxed now, aren’t you? That’s because you trust me when I tell you these things. You know I’m not lying. You’re my good little dove, aren’t you?”
[Pause]
[He smiles gently, tracing his knuckles down the curve of your spine]
“Is this all you needed? Some reassuring?”
[...]
“You know you can ask for that whenever you want, right?”
[Pause]
“But what if you start being a burden? Oh, sweetie… That’s not going to happen, alright? Not while you, my sweet, keep making such an effort to improve. Just like earlier… I asked you to make coffee for us, and you did without complaint. Then you let me cook breakfast without protesting. When you listen like that, it makes me feel so proud of you…”
[Pause]
[He gives you a gentle kiss on your forehead]
“We can stop at any time, sweetheart. You just say the word. All the power I have is power you give me.”
[Pause]
“Aww, someone’s a little zonked from praise. C’mon, lie down and drink some water. Then you can cuddle up to this big ol’ body all you want.”
[Pause…]
[He chuckles again]
“Oh, I know. It’s so very unfair that I work out and am a good cuddle mountain. Are you trying to tell me you don’t want to try and feel up my chest, per usual?”
[...]
[He smiles as you grumble and curl up with him]
“There’s my good little bean. Be a love, let me hold you close.”
[Pause]
“‘Yes, sir’, mmh. I like that. Such a good bean. You going to be good and try to sleep for me?”
[Pause]
“Good. If you have trouble again, tell me. I’ll get you some melatonin. OK?”
[Pause]
“That’s my sweetie. I love you. Do you feel loved?”
[Pause]
“Good. Do you love me?”
[<3 <3 <3]
“Hmhm, good. Goodnight, sweetheart.”
[The End]
Note: This is coming from my somewhat unique perspective within the BDSM community as well as from a Dom/Sub relationship. Anyone that wants to represent a ‘proper’ Dom in a healthy relationship needs to keep in mind these three things:
Boundaries - The goal of being a Dom is having boundaries in place to establish trust between all parties involved. The comfort of being a Sub, or what accomplishes ‘subspace’ is having that confidence and trust in your Dom. Being able to feel like you can give up control safely. A good Dom will know that any breach of these boundaries means trust needs to be established once more, which leads to the next point.
Checking in - Humans are fickle. We change our minds and emotions very easily. That is why checking in is so important. Be it through establishing safe words, or simply agreeing to talk frequently about how either party are doing, staying on top and honest with your dynamic and feelings is important. Again, you need to be sure your Dom has your best interests at heart or at least makes an effort to make sure you’re doing OK. This is the same principle as aftercare, especially if subspace is involved. Note: subspace is a sort of fugue state experienced by a Sub if they fall too into that lack of control. The easiest example is when people refer to their partner as ‘going brainless’. A good Dom knows that
Mutual respect - Despite how a Dom/Sub relationship may come across, whether degradation is involved or not, mutual respect is necessary. A Sub needs to be assured that they are valued at heart, even if they’re being degraded during activities. Both parties must be on the same page in order for it to function heathily. Even though the Listener is being a little bratty here, they trust their Dom (the Speaker) enough to understand how much they can tease before a boundary is reached. They trust the Speaker. When he isn’t sure if things are OK, he checks in, then reinforces good behavior with praise.
I hope these perspectives help you, whether you are writing/acting as a Dom, or this is just your jam and you’re curious about these sorts of characters. I hope you’ll enjoy my next SFW experiment <3

I (24m) have been dating a woman (23f) for 7 months now. I think she’s very cute and love spending time with her. We laugh a lot and generally have very enjoyable dates. Around the 6 month mark she asked for a label. I wasn’t sure what to do about it. She’s the first person I’ve ever had any sort of relationship with. I’ve just recently come into a very tumultuous period of my life and have become extremely busy. So I pushed the decision off for a bit not ready to face reality, I was scared. I don’t know how it feels to like or love someone romantically so I have a hard time both agreeing to be her boyfriend but also a hard time letting her go because I don’t know what my feelings are/mean. I feel terrible about the whole ordeal because it seems that my immaturity in this matter is going to cause her pain and I hate that. What do I do? I feel like I need therapy or some time away to sort myself out or something. I’m lost and I’m sorry.

Hi! My boyfriend has Aqua Sun, Gemini Moon, Pisces Mercury, Pisces Venus and Scorpio Rising.
And he is CLINGY. Not in an annoying way (maybe not yet).
He wants us to be together all the time (he doesn’t want to be alone and wants me everywhere with him). Mind you, we are co-workers, so I am with him everyday and even after work. He does that cute sad face of him when I joke about him getting some alone time.
He even sleeps in my house, and sometimes I sleep in his. But it has become so frequent we rarely spend time apart.
Personally, I seem to get clarity when I get to spend time alone. I’m afraid I will hurt his feelings if I tell him even for just one time to let me have a “me-time.”
Is that normal for someone who has pisces placements? Would he be hurt? And any particular reason why he would get so clingy like that over a one year and 2 months relationship?

I, 22 year old female and my (Now Ex) boyfriend is 23 years old, male. His birthday had just passed and I have been saving up for tickets to see several Broadway shows in New York, along with a 5-star hotel. He has expressed his wanting to see multiple of these musicals for nearly all of our relationship, and I've been totally pumped to see these as well. He is doing great financially as a manager in a larger company. My pay isn't terrible, but it's not extravagant. It's enough to pay the rent and put food in the kitchen.
Anywho, on his birthday, we had plans to go to a roller coaster park, which he also adores, but the weather had other plans so we had to cancel. Instead, we had a great night cuddling on the couch with a movie and popcorn. After a bit I decided to reveal the plans of the big trip. I pull them out of my bag and present him with the collection of operas, plays, and musicals (all great seats, by the way) and he immediately hugs me, and thanks me greatly, just how I expected. We chat for a little, him expressing how grateful and excited he was for the trip.
The trouble arinext morning. morning. We fall asleep after a while and I wake up to him on the phone, talking to somebody. I assume it's work and wait for him to finish his call. I ask him if it was work, but I don't pry a lot, his work can be somewhat personal, but he tells me it was his girl best friend and how he was telling her about our trip to New York. I ask my boyfriend if his friend knew any of the shows we were going to and he replies with: "Yeah, she knows most of them word for word, she's really excited."
At this point I'm totally confused. Part of me wants to think she's just coming with us, which I'm totally cool with, but it doesn't make since since I bought these tickets months in advance, since how in the world would she get tickets right next to us? I express my concern to him and he acts really weird, trying to avoid the question. His friend, comes over later in the evening with 2 suit cases that look like they are fully packed and comes over to my boyfriend and asks him when are they leaving for the airport. He tells her it's in a few hours but she is welcome to stay with us. I'm fine with this but I thought it was strange that he didn't ask for my opinion, when he usually does. After the set time, we load our stuff into the car. And the friend takes one look at my stuff and goes: "Why is her stuff here?" I feel really weirded out by her behavior at this point, but my boyfriend acts first, waving it off and telling her something along the lines of 'She's just dropping us off at the airport, I dunno why she packed her stuff.'
I was absolutely done. I ask for a moment alone with him and step into the house. I feel like yelling at him, but I force myself to stay somewhat calm and ask him what the hell is going on and that the plan was for me and him to go on a couples trip. He immediately get angry and screams at me that I'm an 'ungrateful cunt' and a 'selfish asshole.' Also saying that I never let him have anything he ever asks and that I'm disrespectful for not letting him doing this for him and his friend this once.
He storms out of the house, slamming the door in my face and gets in the car and drives away. I cry for a while, knowing I've caused a fight and probably made hi. Really upset, but also because it feels like the friend is by far mlre important than me. I pick kyself up and wrote an email to his phone explaining that we are over and I don't want somebody who will take advantage of me. I'm really rethinking myself here, so please tell me, am I the asshole in this situation?

(Posting from a throwaway bc of personal info) I’m posting this because no one in my life is pre-med and seems to get how hard this choice is :/
Right now I have 2 options when it comes to finishing my undergraduate degree:

1. Remain at the current state university that I attend, which is a state flagship with a larger stake in all things STEM and a relatively low acceptance rate / higher prestige for an in-state school. This school is the only university in my state that has an undergrad in Microbiology and options to subspecialize in pharmaceutical manufacturing or biotech. I transferred here my junior year to attend a school with more connections to the pharmaceutical industry to have a better backup plan if I didn’t get into med school. My financial situation has changed this year and if I were to remain at my current university I would graduate with ~$40k minimum in federal unsubsidized student loans and PLUS loans my parents expect me to pay back. I have concerns about paying this off if I don’t get into med school because the PLUS payments are based off my parents income, which are a lot higher than my income would be as a new Microbiology grad. I plan to take 1-2 gap years after graduation to save money for application fees and work full time in a clinical role. If I stayed at my current university I would also have to work at least 20 hours a week (likely more) during the school year on top of a full time courseload to be able to afford to live. I have pretty significant concerns about how working this much will affect my grades, as I’ve already been busting my ass and barely surviving here to get a GPA that is on the higher end for DO and lower end for MD. Many of the people at this school are traditional college students, come from higher income families or do not have to work during college / the summers. A decent number of grads go on to med school or PA school.
   
2. Transfer back to the state university that I started college at, which is not the flagship state school, pretty “no name”, has a higher acceptance rate, and is definitely less academically rigorous than my current institution. This school doesn’t prioritize their biology & chem depts as much and in labs, you can tell the funding isn’t there. I would be commuting from home again if I went back here, so I would not need to work as much during the school year (10-15 hours a week) and would only have to worry about paying for gas & tuition, most of which would be covered in unsubsidized student loans I can take out myself and my savings. If I did this I would graduate with less than $15k in federal unsubsidized student loan debt, no PLUS loans. I couldn’t major in Microbiology here, I’d have to graduate with a BS in Biology and wouldn’t be able to specialize in pharmaceuticals. I also have a boyfriend at my current institution and it is likely we would break up if I transferred back to this original school. I’m concerned about how this would affect me emotionally and socially. This school is more known for finance, engineering and nursing (not necessarily premed) so there are some people who attend med school who graduate from here, but not as many as the other more expensive choice. I have considered double majoring in something like finance if I were to go back here because the business school is very respected and it would be a worthy “backup” plan, especially with how reasonable the COA is as a commuter. I am worried that transferring back to my original school after already transferring out once will be a huge red flag to ADCOMS, plus just embarrassing for myself and my immediate family.
   

I’m trying to get the best grades possible in undergrad because I cannot afford to do a post-bacc or masters program and would really like to avoid private student loan debt. I have emailed all my in-state med schools about this topic and only received one response which was from a DO program- they just said that I would need to explain that my situation had changed and that the adcom would likely be forgiving if I had a legitimate explanation and a sufficient academic & extracurricular performance.
I need to make a decision about this by early July- and I’m hoping that members of this sub can provide a realistic and helpful perspective. Thanks in advance!

I consider what he has done cheating despite it not being physical and he hasn’t been with anyone else. He has kept a secret our whole relationship, lied to me, disrespected me, deceived me and been unfaithful.
Both me and my boyfriend are in our 20s, we’ve been together for 6 years since we were 18 and now 25.
He recently told me, 6 years into what I thought was a really happy, amazing and healthy relationship that he has a porn addiction. We never argue, we’re really great together and I’ve never been so connected to anyone before. We are like one person, we do everything together, we’re together 24/7, never go to sleep on bad terms, we’re connected physically, spiritually, emotionally. I’m not controlling or mean.
I am heartbroken. It’s all I can think about. He told me that throughout our relationship he’s constantly been watching porn, searching for leaked nudes and videos, looking through girls instagrams, looking at girls irl, fantasising about other people.
I asked him if he’s ever purchased a girls onlyfans the first time he told me. He told me that night, to my face, that no he would never do that. Then a few days later told me that he actually has done that and that he set up a one time use debit card to buy the subscription (which I didn’t even know you could do) so that it doesn’t show up on your bank or anything and used a fake email for the account ect.
Technically he’s been watching onlyfans girls for years. He said he subscribed to this one person because he couldn’t find her leaked videos. But for years he was using leaked websites, Reddit ect to find particular girls videos and pictures. He said he’s used reverse image search for find out girls names ect so he could find video and pictures of them. He said even girls I’ve sent him just as reels on Instagram or when we’ve watched TV shows together, if he finds out they have onlyfans he’s secretly gone and found leaked content of them.
He said he doesn’t always pleasure himself when watching porn ect he often just watches it or looks at images without touching himself.
He has watched it in nearly every job he’s had, including a job where we worked in the same factory, in the same area together. He said he would often have headphones in and listen to ‘amsr moaning’ and he would go to the toilet to watch porn or sometimes in the car when driving. He told me when he was a delivery driver that he would watch it a lot in the van and listen to moaning sounds/ porn amsr while driving. He went and brought a rubber glove and then pleasured himself in the back of the work van watching porn. And probably pleasured himself multiple times in work in multiple jobs. He has also pleasured himself and watched porn in the gym that we go to together. He watched it all the time- driving, in work, when I was making us food or in the shower, if I was gone for 5 mins ect, in the bath, in the gym.
Something that hurt me a lot is that he told me he looks at girls in the gym and out and about, he said he’s often fascinated what it would like to be inside them. Looking at their bodies/ bum ect. And he actually pleasured himself over one girl that was in the gym that we went to together. He also told me that there was a girl he found really attractive who worked in a local shop we go to together and that he would want to fuck her. He said he would like the idea of a threesome with me and her. Which makes me feel so sick that he thinks that way. I have never looked or thought about another man in that way and I don’t find any one else attractive. Meanwhile he said he looks at girls all the time and thinks about them, he said he was looking at girls everywhere, in the gym, on holiday when they’re in bikinis ect. I said what if the situation was the other way round, would you let me sleep with someone else? He said not a chance, he wouldn’t want another guy to do stuff to me but he would want another girl?
Looking is one thing but fantasising about other girls and thinking about them in a sexual way and saying you wish you could sleep with other girls. Searching for leaked nudes and watching specific people.
He said he doesn’t really look at me the same way he does other girls he doesn’t think of me in that way. He said sometimes he wishes he had more ‘experience’ before he got with me because he’s only slept with one person one time before we got together and he feels like he’s getting old as hasn’t experienced other people or things, we both only know each other. Which is more than enough for me I’m extremely satisfied.
But he says there nothing wrong with me or our sex life. We have a lot of great passionate sex, we feel really connected, we both say it’s the best thing ever. I never say no to anything, I do whatever he pleases. I’ve always given him blowjobs, where ever and whenever- in the car, in the woods, in the gym, on the beach ect I always do and at home I make sure to make him feel so good I’ll go for hours he says it’s best thing ever and that I’m amazing. I say he can record videos of us/ me for him to look at but I don’t think he ever looks at videos/ pictures of me or thinks of me when pleasing himself.
He’s always said he prefers my body when we first got together but I was only 17 at the time and I feel like I’ve developed more now but he said he liked my smaller boobs and smaller body, I was probably about 10 stone then. I have gained weight but In a relationship that’s normal and I feel like this is my adult body now weighing around 12 stone 6, but when we got together I was still growing. I gained a lot of weight in 2020 before I knew about my thyroid that caused me gain weight and I got to nearly 16 stone in 2021, I wasn’t looking after my body. and I know he didn’t like that and probably didn’t like how I looked/ didn’t find me attractive but then we started the gym together and I’ve lost over 3 stone since then and he’s made a lot of progress too, he went from really skinny to now a healthy weight and muscles, he likes heavy lifting and going the gym it’s been good for him. I think maybe it’s boosted his ego a lot but I think he looks incredible and I find him super attractive. But going the gym together now, I’ve started lifting weights with him instead of just cardio but I often get sad when I see other girls or girls with big bums ect as I know he’s probably looking and it puts me down.
I was really debating whether to stay with him because of the lies and everything, it’s really hurt me and affected me. He says he can’t see himself with anyone else and he only wants me and that he does love me and I really genuinely don’t want to be with anyone else but at the same time I don’t know anything else. Even how much he hurt me I was still crying in his arms and getting comfort from him, he’s the only person I have and makes me feel safe and happy. I don’t have anyone else and I’d be alone, I don’t have any friends and I’m not super close to my family. I only want to do life with him, we’re extremely close and tell each other everything (or so I thought). He said he won’t watch anymore videos and so far 3 months later he hasn’t, he said he’s had slip ups of looking at girls instagrams or looking at girls irl but he said he will tell me everything from now on and he hasn’t even had any thoughts about watching it. He said he thinks it’s an unhealthy habit he developed and didn’t tell me because he knew I wouldn’t like it or would think of him differently. But I do think of him differently now I feel like I never truly knew him even though I thought I did and that a of our memories in my head I’m thinking did he do anything like that on that day. Sometimes we’d even watch porn together or id give him a blowjob while he watched it but I never knew what he was doing. I just feel so lied to and betrayed. Ive never felt so insecure, I feel like I’m trying to do things to impress him even though it won’t make a difference and I feel like I need to change so that he will like me.
I always felt like we’re were still basically in the honey moon phase despite being together for 6 years because i still get excited over him and butterflies ect and I think he’s so attractive and would do anything for him and he makes me feel so good but I don’t ever think it was the same for him he never looked at me nor loved me the way I did him. I guess I’ve just always been there he’s just used to me I don’t know, i don’t think I’m that attractive or feminine or have an amazing body im just like average I guess but I think I’m a good and nice girlfriend. He never gets excited when I send him pictures like nudes ect, I can be completely naked around him and he doesn’t show any interest but I thought that’s just how he was. He’s told me a few times that I’m more needy when it come to sex, I’m always in the mood and he’s the one that normally makes excuses or says no but I never say no and also I like to be eaten out and he never does it, he’s barely done it to me because he says he doesn’t like it, he had a bad experience with someone else but also says he doesn’t like it even though I’m constantly shaved and clean, I shave my entire body all the time and down there is always clean shaven and super soft but I’ve always just accepted that he doesn’t like doing it. But when I asked if he would do it to another girl he said he would probably.
I feel like I can’t be the same, I feel jealous and insecure, constantly overthinking. I feel like it’s ruined my brain and how I think now as I’ve literally never thought that he was that type of person. I’ve always loved him because he was different and wasn’t like every other guy and I’ve honestly never seen or noticed him looking at other girls. I feel so blind and stupid.
I want to stay with him and help him overcome his addiction, a porn addiction is a real problem and can have affects like any other addiction and it’s probably why he’s had some intimacy issues ect but I feel like 6 years and everything we’ve done together is a long time to hide, keep secrets, lie to me. But it’s not just porn, you can stop looking at porn but looking at other girls is much harder because they are present in real life, they’re everywhere. Girls with good bodies and big bums in the gym and all over social media, girls in the gym wearing tight clothing I’m sure it’s hard not to look especially when I look nothing like that. Social media like instagram full of onlyfans girls and thirst traps even just normal girls profiles I know he looks at. I don’t think he would ever physically cheat or message someone but I just want to be the only one, I want to feel special and feel like how I was when I didn’t know anything, like I was the only girl for him. I want him to look at me the way he does other people.

I’ve been questioning my sexuality and gender for a while and I have identified as a trans woman for about 8 months or so. Lately I have been deeply pensive about this and I think I may be confusing my gender for preference and that I may actually be a gay man. I never had any issues with being a guy growing up and I was fine with it. I thought I was cishet as a kid because I was romantically attracted to women but seldom if at all sexually. I did have issues with my sexuality for much longer than my gender and I started having feelings for guys for three years now. I want a boyfriend more than I ever wanted a girlfriend and I get jealous looking at bara art and knowing the cute guy won’t date me because I’m a woman. I feel a certain excitement looking at a cute guy that I just don’t get with women.