It's made by the original creator of KSP1(HarvesteR). The building style is very similar to KSP.
For reference I have about 1200 hours in KSP 1 and < 2 in KSP2.
I bought it yesterday, after watching Matt Lowne's most recent video. Still early access, and there are a few bugs here and there. It has a lot of potential, and is a really good value for the money at it's current price.
I spent a couple of hours last night playing the game in multiplayer. So not super in depth, but enough to reccomend it to anyone who likes KSP.
Matt Lowne's Original KitHack video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z21bgMhPjvw&t=79s
Matt Lowne and KSP 1 Creator Talk KSP 2 Drama: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJFGDSi8R5o
There is some really interesting commentary in here, where HarvesteR talks about how he would approach building KSP2 by starting with a completely new concept so the sequel isn't compared directly to the original. Then working towards feature parity later. Part of me wonders if he is thinking this way about this game, or a future title. It definitely feels like this game could incorporate orbital mechanics.
KitHack Steam Page:https://store.steampowered.com/app/2107090/KitHack\_Model\_Club/
My thoughts:
Building:
I was so excited to see most of my keyboard shortcuts and flow transfered seamlessly to this game. I spent most of my time trying to build a plane. The method for creating the main body/fuselage of the aircraift, is genius in my opinion. All of the Aerodynamic Parts and fuselage sections are procedural, so you can pull them into any shape you want, although it did seem like there is a limit to how big everything can go.
Controlling:
The part of the game, in between flying/driving the model, and building the model. Is the weakest and still needs a bit of work. Not that anything doesn't work as it should. This was simply the part that I struggled with the most. After you throw your plane, the camera contextually switches into a "Chase" mode behind the aircraft. It felt natural, and I could feel the difference in control based on how I designed the control surfaces.
Multiplayer:
All good here, we were playing sandbox, no real objective. Everyone loaded in fine, and the game didn't have any issues. The experience was almost identical to when I was playing by myself plus other players. I strapped a paintball gun to my plane, and tried to shoot another player who was driving a boat in the water.
Graphics:
The graphics looked great and ran really well. Take this with a grain of salt thogh. (13900K/4070Ti)
Final Thoughts: I like to build things, but building things in the real world sometimes hurts my ambition when things just don't go the way I want them to. To recharge, I play simulation/building games. KSP1, Stormworks Build and Rescue, Mars First Logistics, Hydroneer, Cities Skylines, and Minecraft on occasion. There is no doubt that KitHack Model club will be a wonderful addition to this list. It scratched the itch in my brain to build stuff. I was thinking about ways to improve the aerodynamic handling of my aircraft while getting ready this morning. It's good, and you should buy it if you can.
[EDIT]
I commented the following down below. These are thoughts that I have been trying to form the right words for and a couple of commenters inspired me to say this:

I think that generally I wrote this post because HarvesteR seems to be one of the few people capable of leading us forward. KitHack is not a KSP replacement, but it shows that he has the capability to build something that could be.
In his most recent interview with Matt Lowne, he talks potential strategy for building and releasing a KSPx(not that it would exist in the same universe due to IP ownership).
He also mentions that a lot of the code for KitHack was built in a modular way that could be ported to a new title in the future.
I bought the game, not because I am dying to play a Model RC game(althgouh I did have quite a bit of fun playing it for the first time). I bought the game, because there is some small chance it's success could lead the team to take on a new project. One the could far eclipse the success of KSP1 and certainly KSP2.
If there is a 1/1,000,000 chance that my $20 helped fund the next great space flight simulator game even 10 years down the line; and I get a pretty fun building/flying/driving/boating game. That seems like a good deal to me. Would I be dissapointed if that never happens? Probably not. I don't expect it, and it probably won't. Would be cool though.

I should add that if you're playing Kerbal Space Program, strictly for space. You probably won't have much fun with KitHack. However, if like me, you spend the majority of your playthough in the VAB or SPH, then this game will probably be fun for you.

Killer Grips: Anne Maria, Brick, Jasmine, Justin, Millie
Screaming Gaffers: Chase, MK, Ripper, Scott, Sky
Episode 6: The Aftermath I: Trent's Descent
A riff from an electric guitar opened the episode as a pair of purple concentric circles flew across and back in the screen towards the upper-left corner, a group of smaller, bluer circles flying through them in the same direction but at a higher speed. As it neared the top of the screen a large and blocky red 'T' flashed into existence and descended back down, and the background music continued into a theme fit for an evening talk show. A similarly-styled 'D' and 'A' appeared next as a few more purple or blue rings crossed the screen, then the three letters slid in from the left to spell out 'TDA'. The word 'AFTERMATH' popped up from the bottom of the screen, temporarily bumping up the first three letters before they slammed back down and centered the text in the middle of the screen.
A gleam swept across the text from upper-left to lower-right, and the 'D' briefly popped forwards with the faint sound of a camera, turning a little bit counterclockwise before reversing into its former position.
Clip 1
"Any final words?" Chris asked the eliminated contestants.
“Yeah. You guys actually voted me off. I respect that,” Eva nodded with a smirk.
“Good luck dudes. Wicked play,” Geoff smiled as he and Eva got off the bleachers and went to the red carpet.
The 'D' popped out briefly again and another bout of recap footage began.
Clip 2
"Here's the deal," Chef stated, pacing about slowly in front of the teen. "I'll help you man up and win this thing. You don't ask any stupid questions and you split the prize with me.” He leaned in closer towards Brick's face. “Like they say, it's an offer you can't refuse. I won't let you," he finished with a deadly scowl, much to Brick's discomfort.
The 'D' popped out a third time, signaling the start of another set of recap footage.
Clip 3
“Trent, it's time to go!” Chris informed the eliminated contestant.
Trent got off the stands. “Before I do, can I at least say goodbye to Sky?”
“You could, but it'd be pointless since Chef will just carry you to the limo,” Chris smiled.
“Alright,” Trent sighed and faced his former teammates. “I'm really sorry about my actions, guys. I'll see you later.” With nothing left to say, he turned and walked down the red carpet.
A fourth time the 'D' popped out, and the last set of recap footage played.
Clip 4
"Izzy!" Izzy was left gaping. "Time to go!" Chris announced.
“I'm not going anywhere,” Izzy objected. “That's not my name.”
“Can I get a pen over here?” Chris raised his hand in annoyance. A pen was given to him, and he started to write on the paper. “It says "E-Scope" now, okay?!” This made Izzy finally stand up.
"And remember," Chris told her as she started to walk past the stage, "you can never come back, ev-er!" The host pressed an orange button next to his microphone, and two identical guards came over and grabbed Izzy by her arms.
(Theme Song)
The same sequence used to open the recap was replayed, an unseen audience cheering wildly after the 'TDA AFTERMATH' logo shined. The camera faded into a shot of a stage from the shadowed audience; it was set up like a talk show with one couch and table in the middle, and two tiers of couches on either side. A variety of lights both stage and decorative were scattered around, and to the left was a passage backstage half-hidden by dividing walls and the dark red curtains that framed the set.
And most importantly, sitting on that central couch, were two figures. Damien on the left and Priya on the right.
The camera zoomed in on them as the applause died down, a pair of computer displays visible on the table turned towards the hosts as Priya waved. "Hey there everyone!" she greeted with a smile. "Welcome to the brand-new Total Drama Action Aftermath Show!"
She paused as the audience cheered and applauded again, and once they'd died down, Damien spoke up. "We're coming to you live," he said, "to dish everything Total Drama Action!"
"This is where the real action is!" Priya said to another bout of cheering. "I'm Priya!" she added in with a smile.
"And I'm Damien!" Damien beamed.
"You may remember us from the hit series Total Drama Island," Priya continued.
"And it's thrilling sequel, Total Drama Action," Damien said, “even if we're not on it.”
"I hate that we missed out on the season and a chance to get the money,” Priya grumbled but regained her positivity, “but we have our own show, so I think it compensates."
"Being in the sequel could've given me the possibility of being rich, but when I'm with you, money doesn't matter," Damien smiled happily at Priya, and the crowd awwed.
"Aww, that's so sweet!” Priya gushed and turned to the audience. “And with no competitions here, we get to talk to all of you."
“So about that new season. Pretty cool, right?" Damien asked, looking out at the camera.
"Of course," Priya nodded. "They get to be on a film lot and do different kinds of movie challenges. How spectacular is that?" The crowd cheered in agreement.
"Super spectacular," a voice said from off-camera, the shot zooming out to show that the couches on the right had been occupied by the other non-competing contestants. On the top row were Rodney, Sam, and Gwen, while the bottom row had Topher, Katie, and Sadie.
“We were being rhetorical," Damien pointed out, "but hey, thanks for reminding everyone that you're not invisible! Topher, everyone!" The camera focused on the dirty blonde, who took stride in the applause from the audience.
"We also brought along all the others from the first season," Priya said.
"They may be considered losers," Damien said, "but not to us."
“Aww,” Katie gushed.
“That is so sweet, you guys,” Sadie added.
"The pleasure's all ours," Damien replied. "Give it up for Topher!" he said, and the crowd cheered as the camera cut back to the fanboy. He shot a wink as the screen was split and a clip played of him smacking a fly onto his eye and getting it swollen.
"And Rodney!" Priya added, the camera cutting to the country boy waving at the camera. The screen also split to play a clip of him, showing him returning back to the game on boat.
"Katie and Sadie!" Damien introduced the two girls.
“Oh my gosh!” Katie cheered.
“We are so super excited to be here!” Sadie expressed her happiness.
"Next we have Sam!" Priya said as the camera moved to the gamer smiling at the camera as a clip played in the split screen showing him hanging from a tree by his knees before falling down.
"And how about a shout out to Gwen!" Damien said. Gwen smiled at the camera while the split screen showed a clip of the goth eating blueberries from a bush.
The camera cut over to Topher, who was engrossed in a phone call. "How long are the papers going to take?" he asked before noticing the audience. "Sorry mom, but I'll have to call you back later!"
Priya and Damien shared a glance before Damien smiled at the camera. "We've also got a lot of texts and emails from all of you!" he said excitedly.
"Plus," Priya said, "we'll have a couple of you on webcam!"
"Eva and Geoff will be here," Damien announced, and the crowd went wild.
"And let's not forget our favorite nutcase, Izzy!" Priya added with a smile, earning another roaring cheer from the crowd.
"Plus the guy with the soul of music, Trent!" Damien finished to another round of applause.
"You know what's strange? The four that you two mentioned were part of the final six in Island along with Scott and you, Priya," Topher said.
"That is pretty shocking," Priya added. "Eva and Geoff especially."
"Eva could have won the season again, but I guess no one wants a repeat," Sam laughed a bit.
"We've got a lot to talk about," Damien told the audience. "It's almost time to welcome our first guests," he announced, "but first, take a look at this!" The nervous wreck looked up to the wide and flat television hanging above the central couch.
The television's static cut to a clip of Geoff and Eva running together to escape the monster. "Geoff and Eva's time on Total Drama Action may have been short," Damien said.
"But it sure was packed with the action that we grew to love," Priya continued as Eva and Geoff stuck their heads out from behind a cardboard cutout of a small red car.
"Eva managed to recover from her broken ankle from last season," Damien continued as the muscle woman was shown running through the sidewalk.
"And Geoff proved that losing a tooth doesn't mean losing your positivity," Priya said as footage of Geoff showing off his golden tooth replacement was shown.
"And they both did well for themselves, even if they didn't win the second challenge!" Damien followed up as clips of Geoff and Eva being shown on the ground along with being shot with paintballs courtesy of Chef played.
"But unfortunately, they weren't able to play for another day!" Priya continued.
"I don't even blame the contestants since Eva and Geoff were last season's Final Two," Damien spoke as a clip played of the two going into the limousine. "At least they still have their friendship!"
"One has eaten dog food," Priya said, "and the other has taken control of a forest fire. Our first two guests are Geoff and Eva!"
The Aftermath theme tune played and the crowd went wild as Eva and Geoff pushed open the backstage doors and walked out, smiling at both the audience and the hosts as they took their seats on the lower couch on the left.
"Hey guys!" Priya greeted with a smile as Damien waved.
"Damien! Priya! Glad to see you two again!" Eva said happily.
"Yeah!" Geoff added. "You two getting the hosting gig is impressive!"
"Great to have you guys!" Damien told them. "Sorry you two got eliminated first."
"No need to apologize," Geoff said. "We didn't leave completely empty-handed!"
"Wait, how so?" Damien asked in confusion. "You didn't win the money."
"Not like that," Eva answered. "Geoff managed to take pictures of everybody and everything from the first two seasons to put onto his scrapbook."
"And Eva managed to use part of her money to get construction to build her dream gym," Geoff added. "It's still in construction by the way."
“So how did you two manage to become the Aftermath hosts?” Eva asked them.
"The producers took note of me and Damien's relationship and decided on us being the hosts," Priya answered. "I couldn't pass up this opportunity."
"And plus, the other non-competitors either refused or were turned down," Damien added.
“They especially turned me down,” Topher grumbled. “I would've made a great host.”
"That's pretty understandable," Eva said. "I sure as heck don't want to run my mouth longer than I need to."
"Yeah, hosting a show is something I won't be able to perform well in," Geoff added.
"Moving on," Damien said, "how does it feel being the first two voted off the show?"
"Honestly, I gotta say it was kinda like a punch to the gut," Eva admitted. "I know I'm strong, but I didn't think the contestants would team up to vote us out in just the first episodes."
"I didn't mind as much," Geoff interjected. "I mean, I did want to win the million dollars, but given how we competed in every episode of the first season, it seems fair for us to go home early this time around and give the others a shot. And besides, money isn't everything."
"Thanks for your inputs," Priya said as the camera cut over to her and Damien, "I think it's time for a game called 'Truth or Hammer'!" The crowd started to go wild.
A grand tune played as a shot of a golden statue of Lady Justice was shown. The camera slowly pulled back from it, and as the music ended a large wooden mallet swung down from the left and smashed it to pieces.
Damien stood up as the scene cut back to the hosts and guests. "Here's how this works: we ask you a question, and if you give the wrong answer, a huge hammer will swing down on you."
"Uh, what?" Geoff said as he and Eva looked at each other nervously.
"Eva, Geoff, move out of the way as we do a test run!" Priya announced, and a giant wooden hammer immediately swung down at Eva and Geoff, the two barely avoiding the hit.
"Looks like the hammer is working well. How about we get to the questions?" Damien turned his head to the reality TV fan.
"Absolutely," Priya agreed. "So Eva, after winning last season, why do you think things didn't go well for you this time?"
"Like we both said, we were big time threats. If we didn't get voted off in the second episode, one of us likely would've been in the final two again," Eva answered and looked above her, the hammer still remaining in its position.
"I'm a strategic player, and if I wasn't the first season's winner, I obviously would've voted out the strongest player just so I could get closer to winning," Eva continued.
"Good answer!" Damien said. "So Geoff, are you even remotely mad at not winning the first season and getting kicked off in the second?"
Geoff looked up. "I'm not going to lie at all, especially when there's a hammer that can crush me," the party guy said. "I'm kind of upset."
Everyone was silent for a moment before it became clear the hammer wasn't going to swing down. "I mean... it's like you got dreams for this money and to see them flushed down the drain is disappointing," Geoff explained. "But it is what it is. I had a good time competing, and I got news from one of my brothers that my golden tooth can be sold for money, so at least I got some compensation."
"I'd suggest cleaning the tooth before you sell it," Damien advised before looking at the camera and smiling. "So how about we hear from one of the viewers!"
"Let's see," Priya said, looking down at the computer display on the table in front of her. "CunningLinguist316 asks: Who are you rooting for now that you've been eliminated?"
"Well, I'm rooting for Sky," Eva answered. "I can see some parts of myself in her, and she's one of the more worthy players in the game."
"I'm hoping my man Chase wins," Geoff answered. "He's super athletic and fast, and we're sorta like each other in many ways."
"Good to hear your thoughts," Damien told them.
"Exactly!" Priya added. "But I think it's time we bring out our next guest."
The camera panned up to the wide-screen television as footage of the wild child began to play. "Izzy's time on Total Drama Action may have been short," Damien said over a clip of Izzy pushing Ripper out of the way and getting captured by the animatronic monster.
"But it was a thrill ride," Priya added.
“Seriously, Izzy can make a bowl of paste tasty by adding herself to it,” Damien quipped over Izzy getting dropped into the bouncy castle.
"Later on, she suffered a serious blow at the hands of Chef," Priya added over the footage of Izzy falling onto the ground after getting shot in the chest with a paintball and Chef looking over her in worry.
“Chef thinks he's killed her. Look how scared he is!” Damien chimed in as the recap footage paused on Chef; a red circle was drawn around Chef's face.
“Never thought he'd have a sense of humanity. Check this part out! Super hilarious!” Priya giggled over Izzy standing up and laughing about her fake death. “Unfortunately, it was Justin that ruined Izzy's chances when the two took to the stage.” The clips of Justin performing his role and Izzy grumbling over her loss played.
"Dramatic and devious, Izzy will be back for more," Damien continued as the footage showed Izzy getting up from her seat and blowing kisses as the limousine took her away.
The scene returned to the hosts. "Our first guest has impersonated a grizzly and was caught peeing in a pool. Currently number eight on the RCMP's most wanted... Izzy, A.K.A Kaleidoscope!!"
The crowd went wild as the Aftermath theme played, but it suddenly stopped as the hosts looked up at the television. It was now showing footage of a room backstage where Izzy was currently sitting on a couch and eating crackers. The crazy girl had a snack tray-laden table in front of her, and to the left was a television showing the same feed as the one on-stage.
Izzy took notice of the television set. "I'm on TV!" she exclaimed before accidentally spitting out her chewed-up crackers, making the audience laugh quietly. “Oh, oops. Cracker crumbs, you get back here!” She grabbed the crumbs, along with a few grapes and a cracker sandwich with cheese in the middle, and put them all in her cleavage, prompting more laughter.
Izzy stood up and walked out to the stage, the Aftermath theme playing again as she opened the backstage doors and walked out. The audience cheered, and Damien and Priya, along with Eva and Geoff - who were now on the top row of the couches - waved at her, causing her to return the gesture.
“Hello E-Scope!” Priya eagerly greeted her friend.
"Hi, Priya. Hi, Damien," Izzy greeted back as she sat on the couch. "So glad to be here."
“Awesome to have you, but it must be hard losing out on a million bucks,” Damien talked to her.
“Yeah, well... you would know,” Izzy responded, unamusing Damien and Priya while the audience gasped. “Hi, you guys!” she focused on the Peanut Gallery.”
“Hi, Izzy!” Rodney waved.
“Hi, everyone out there in TV land!” Izzy turned to the camera and noticed someone in the audience. “Graham Cracker! That's my old boyfriend Graham! He got a restraining order against me last year. Remember that, Graham?” The audience started mumbling. “So funny. Okay. We were in the courtroom and the judge was all like, "You cannot come within two hundred meters of the plaintiff or you shall suffer the consequences of this courtroom."
After taking a moment to laugh, Izzy continued her story. “The long distance was hard, but we made it work. By the way, Graham, you should get new blinds for your room. What are they made of, lead? I couldn't see a thing with my binoculars! Miss you, Graham Cracker!” She took a cracker out of her cleavage. “I am totally into crackers right now. They're just so flaky!” She giggled and put the cracker into her mouth.
“Kind of like someone we already know,” Damien muttered quietly.
“So Izzy, how did it feel to be the third one voted off the show?” Priya asked.
“My life is an open book. Well, not yet, but it will be once I write it. And you open the book!” Izzy guffawed.
“What was going through your head after being voted off?” Damien questioned.
The music turned sad. “When you realize you're not getting a Gilded Chris Award, well, I can't lie to you,” Izzy sniffed in a rare moment of sadness.
“Oh, it was that painful?” Priya expressed her sympathy.
“No, I just can't lie to you,” Izzy returned to her normal state. “I was outfitted with a lie deterrent microchip that sends shock waves at the first hint of dishonesty. Those are really nice pants, Damien.”
Izzy then got shocked in her neck, demonstrating the microchip inside the body part, but the wild child laughed it off.
“Carrying on,” Damien said uncomfortably. “So what exactly did losing out on the Gilded Chris mean to you?”
“It means I missed out on that buttery chocolate statuette. Ooh, I once took an art class sculpting chocolate nudes, my instructor said I had a real flair for cocoa,” Izzy brought up and earned another electrocution. “Okay, okay, okay. He said I was totally loco. That's what he's actually said.”
"Let's see if you can be honest while answering our questions,” Priya said sneakily, “and the giant hammer will come down if you don't tell the truth!"
“If my implant doesn't get me, the hammer will!” Izzy said, earning laughs from the audience.
Priya and Damien shared a look of bewilderment before facing the camera happily. “Want to know which questions we'll be asking Izzy?" Priya asked the camera.
"Be sure to stay tuned," Damien said. "Right now, we have to take a quick break! We'll be right back!"
The show's logo was shown again, and the 'D' popped out and transitioned the scene to a close-up of a plate of brown mush sitting on a tan-and-goldenrod striped table. Flies were buzzing around it, and part of a familiar torso could be seen standing behind it.
"This episode of the TDA Aftershow," Chef Hatchet said to a catchy elevator music-like jingle as one of the flies buzzing around died and the camera began to zoom out, "was brought to you by Chef's Roadkill Cafe, where Sundays are Bring Your Own Meat!" The camera stopped moving to show the hulking man in full, standing between the table with the plate of mush and a large stone fireplace in the background. In his left hand he held a skewer of a reddish and steaming hunk of meat resting on a plate-like guard piece. The tail of a skunk extended from the top of the meat hunk.
"You hit it, we spit it," Chef said with a motion to the steaming dish in his hand.
(Commercial Break)

Book report guy back, with the Bryan Danielson book from 2014 and it has some fun backstage stories from his time in WWE!
Solid wrestling book, though not super memorable in my opinion. Some solid detail and dirt like you expect, but honestly it felt like he was holding back.
As always, it's in chronological order as best as I could do that. Hope y'all enjoy!
Bryan is a weird dude, while describing his adolescence, he casually says that he has a lot of weird hypothesis on various subjects, and we should ask Nigel McGuinness about Bryan's theory on how a penis grows. He doesn't expand on this more. He just says that and moves back to talking about his childhood.
Bryan rants a bit about how modern medicine has stunted human evolution because kids who would have died off got to live and reproduce and pass their "defects" onto the next generation. He says that he is one of those defects, sick all his childhood and sick a lot as an adult. He says that his wife Brie is also a "defect" but says she can share the details in her own book if she ever writes one.
When Bryan was 16 years old, he contacted Dean Melanko's wrestling school and was told it would cost him $2,500, but he needed a $500 deposit to secure his spot. Bryan was scared that there were hundreds of people on the waiting list and worked extra shifts at McDonald's in order to get the cash together asap. He put $500 deposit down for a wrestling school he couldn't go to for 2 more years.
Three months before Bryan graduated high school, the Melanko Wrestling School contacted to inform Bryan that the school was shutting down permanently. When Bryan asked for his $500 back, he was told that they no longer had it and that he was SOL.
While watching Monday Night RAW, an ad flashed advertising a 900 number (an old pay-per-minute phone concept that was always a money drain on the caller), and it advertised Shawn Michaels opening up a wrestling school. After an expensive phone call, Bryan was told to pay $20 more for a package to be mailed to him with more info. He did, and when he got the package, it detailed how Michaels wrestling school would cost $3,900 dollars, and it had another 900 number to call if you're interested. Bryan was demoralized and almost didn't call. When he did, though, he was speaking to Shawm Michaels mom, who was helping Shawn run it. Bryan's mom ended up doing all the talking, and the two mothers helped Bryan get set up with a place in San Antonio where the school was. They agreed to let Bryan pay monthly to help him with the finances.
Bryan's first day of wrestling school went exactly like everyone else's first day of wrestling school, with 90% of the students gassed and vomiting. Bryan said out of the 10 guys there, only he and Lance Cade didn't end up vomiting.
Bryan remembers how much Shawn Michaels prioritized his training to Lance Cade. One of the first days, Lance did a basic jump and got so much air that Michaels loudly proclaimed, "I smell money!"
Even though it was Shawn's school, the primary instructor was Rudy Boy Gonzales, a pretty insignificant wrestler from the 80s and 90s. Bryan puts over Rudy as a passionate trainer who motivated him to try harder. Bryan said Rudy would show Bryan anything Bryan saw on a tape and wanted to try.
Bryan says that he and "The" Brian Kendrick became friends immediately as they were both around the same size in the training and had the same level of passion for wrestling.
I always heard that Shawn Michaels wasn't very present for this school, but Bryan tells a different tale, putting Shawn over as someone who was always around and always showing them how to be better.
Bryan does remember some days that Shawn would come in with his sunglasses on, sit at the back of the class, and then dip out early. Bryan didn't realize then that Shawn was in deep with a bad painkiller addiction, and so some days he wasn't as present. Since Bryan grew up with his dad's addiction issues, Bryan says seeing Shawn actually kick the addiction fully put Shawn on a pedestal in Bryan's eyes.
After a couple of months, Shawn was telling the students to start thinking of ring names, and when Bryan couldn't come up with one, he asked Shawn about using his real name. Shawn thought about it for a second before adding "The American Dragon" to it. When Bryan asked why that name, Shawn said it's because Bryan wrestled like a Japanese guy. Bryan took that as a massive compliment.
Bryan didn't tell Shawn, but Bryan initially hated "The American Dragon" name.
Bryan had trouble being expressive and emoting in the ring, so Shawn had him wrestle under a mask.
On October 4th, 1999, Bryan wrestled his first ever match for Shawn Michaels' small promotion, Texas Wrestling Alliance. His opponent was Brian Kendrick (then known as Spanky), and Bryan says as rotton as it was, everyone in the back was super excited for their performance, including Shawn.
Bryan confirms that Kendrick called himself "Spanky" as a masturbation reference.
Shawn arranged for Bryan and Lance Cade to head over to Japan and wrestle for Frontier Martial Arts Wrestling, a bit of a "mudshow" wrestling promotion. Shawn got Bryan and Lance a spot on their card by agreeing to referee a match for the company.
Bryan remembers seeing one guy shove a bottle rocket up his opponents butt and light it off at that FMW show. So yeah, some pretty outlaw stuff.
Bryan describes attempting a moonsalt to the outside of the ring during this Japan tour, but he slipped and cracked his head on the cement. Bryan says, "When I came to, I didn't even know where I was" before describing how he stumbled his way through the match. He notes how concussions have always been a problem for him.
Lance Cade was invited back to FMW later for a 2nd tour, but they didn't ask for Bryan back. That's when Bryan realized that at his size, he needs to get much, much better.
In February 2000, HBK got Bryan, Lance Cade, Brian Kendrick, and another student named Shooter Shultz, a dark match on an episode of Smackdown. He says they planned for a 15-minute tag match before being told last minute that it's been cut down to 6 minutes. Bryan says HBK went and yelled at some people about "his guys" until he got it bumped up to 10 minutes.
Bryan says he got his first documented concussion that match, because they weren't used to a literal ramp, and Bryan cracked his skull on it, doing a pointless dive. He says the WWE doctor backstage told him to just make sure he doesn't fall asleep.
Bryan says when they got backstage after their match, HBK was excited and pumping them up, telling everyone backstage that they should sign all 4 guys immediately. This was on Tuesday, and by Thursday, when WWE still hadn't contacted them, Shawn called them up and threatened to take the 4 to WCW where Kevin Nash would make sure they were signed. Bryan says WWE quickly offered all 4 guys developmental contracts for $500 per week. Bryan says HBK was a great guy to have in your corner.
Shortly after getting the developmental contract, Bryan and Kendrick wrestled a main event ladder match for Shawn's TWA promotion. At the time, Bryan believed that in order to stand out, he would need to wrestle a more daredevil style, so he did some dumb stuff in this match. He did some ridiculous spot that ended with Bryan separating his shoulder. After the match, he took a table bump that legitimately knocked him unconscious for a full minute.
A week or 2 later, the teams had a rematch in a steel cage where all 4 agreed to blade for the first time. Why is he doing this dumb shit right after being offered a WWE contract?
Bryan says those ladder and cage matches made him realize he needed to change his style up and become more mat based. He wouldn't have had a long career if he kept getting hurt. At this point, Bryan has only been wrestling for 6 or 8 months and already suffered maybe 3 concussions. At least 2 for sure.
Bryan Danielson, Lance Cade, Brian Kendrick, and Shooter Shultz all moved to Memphis, where WWE's development primarily opperated out of at the time. William Regal was also a developmental system at the time, trying to show he had kicked his addiction issues.
Memphis Championship Wrestling was the territory they wrestled for, and Bryan remembers wrestling in all sorts of crazy locations like a WalMart parking lot once.
Although Shawn eventually took the mask off Bryan in TWA, the guys at MCW immediately put the mask back on Bryan.
The only time Bryan thought he might get called up to the main roster was in January 2001, when he heard rumors that WWE wanted to start up a cruiserweight division and use Danielson and Kendrick That didn't happen, though, and Bryan never heard another rumor or wiff of him being called up.
In June 2001, someone from WWE talent relations came down to evaluate talent. Brian was let go and told that despite his talent, they just had no plans for him.
In October 2001, Bryan was offered a spot in California based All Pro Wrestling's annual King Of The Indies tournament. Danielson would beat Kendrick in the first round, and after the show, Nick Bockwinkle, who was there watching, loudly told promoter Roland Alexander, "If you don't put that guy over." Bockwinkle said while pointing directly at Bryan, "You're crazy!"
APW head trainer Donovan Morgan was scheduled to beat Bryan in the second round and go on to win the tournament, but promoter Roland made the call to have Bryan win instead.
Bryan says this that while this really pissed Donovan off, what really upset the guy was when Roland offered Danielson and Kendrick trainer positions alongside Donovan.
Kendrick turned the offer down, but Bryan took it and moved to California in January 2002, where he became the head trainer. Though Bryan says he was a lousy trainer and no good at motivating anyone.
On February 2002, Bryan sat down with Gabe Sapolsky, who, after being inspired by the Super 8 tournament Bryan won, wanted Bryan part of his new promotion, Ring of Honor.
Bryan remembers both William Regal and John Laurinaitis said they would try to get Bryan an in to Japan, but both came up short, and both eventually stopped returning Bryan's calls.
In March 2002, Bryan Danielson, Christopher Daniels, and Brian Kendrick got a tryout with New Japan in Santa Monica. Antonio Inoki was actually there to oversee, but he literally had his back turned to the ring while Danielson and Kendrick wrestled. Inoki never bothered to turn around and watch them, instead watching someone stretch, Bryan says. Bryan later heard that New Japan never intended to hire anyone. They just wanted their dojo to look full for press.
After the "tryout," Bryan says that Inoki fell and had to be helped up by a bunch of people. Only the three of them didn't get up to help, with Kendrick saying loudly, "serves the motherfucker right."
Bryan kept making trips to the Santa Monica dojo every couple of weeks until Shinya "Togi" Makabe told him that if Bryan really wanted to be taken seriously, he had to be at the dojo every single day. Bryan took the advice seriously, quit his training job and moved to Santa Monica.
Bryan says he was offered to come tour with New Japan after only training at the dojo full time a few weeks. It was on this tour where Bryan first wrestled in the Tokyo Dome.
In May 2003, Bryan wrestled another Tokyo Dome show, where Bryan, Rocky Romero and TJ Perkins were all pulled aside in the hotel after the show, by Justin Cully. Cully literally slapped each man across the face, saying the slaps are from Inoki, who was disappointed in their proformances that night. Apparently Inoki expected them to wrestle more of a shoot style fight and was very upset.
In March 2004, Bryan won his first title with New Japan, the IWGP Junior Tag titles with Christopher Daniels, and Bryan would spend the majority of the year with New Japan where he wrestled 8 different tours.
Bryan pitched a 3 hour long match to Gabe Sapolsky for a ROH show and is disappointed they didn't go the full 3 hours.
Going into 2005, Bryan expected to wrestle his whole career in New Japan, but was startled when New Japan didn't get his visa renewed for the January tour like they always do. He was told it was a mistake and he would be back for March tour, but again he was told last minute they didn't have a visa for him. In May they contacted him last minute inviting him for a tour, but at a ridiculous pay cut down to $500 per week. Bryan turned the offer down and never went back to that Santa Monica dojo or work for New Japan again. He later heard that he was used as a pawn in a power struggle with the Dojo and New Japan.
In mid-2005 Bryan got an email from CM-Punk about a rumor suggesting that both WWE and TNA were interested in Bryan, Punk and Samoa Joe. Joe would quickly sign with TNA after this and Punk took a developmental deal with WWE. Bryan never heard from either company, and a few months later Gabe Sapolsky told Bryan he wanted to build ROH around Bryan but wanted a promise that Bryan wouldn't just leave to WWE or TNA. Great timing Gabe, because Bryan immediately said yes.
After winning the ROH World title in September 2005, Bryan says his title reign was falling flat until he started being cocky and cutting those "best in the world" promos. Bryan even shades Jericho and Punk a little by saying at the time no one else was saying it and that's why it worked so well for him.
Bryan puts over his matches with Nigel McGuinness in summer of 2006, but points out one in particular he regrets. Nigel had the idea for Bryan to pull Nigel's face into the steel ring post 3 times to get real blood. After 3 attempts and no blood, Nigel yelled, "One more time!" They got blood on the 4th time, and gave Nigel a severe concussion.
Five minutes into an hour long match with Colt Cabana in August 2006, Bryan landed bad on the outside of the ring, where he separated that same right shoulder as before and tore two tendons.
Three weeks later, Bryan defended his ROH title against KENTA of all people, who legitimately targeted his hurt shoulder all match. Then Bryan went to tour Japan with Pro Wrestling Noah where he and KENTA had a rematch.
Bryan would finally drop the ROH title in December 2006 and then take nearly 4 months off. This is the first time he took off since he started wrestling in 1999.
After doing a tour of Japan with Pro Wrestling Noah in April 2007, Bryan was excited to come back to ROH and signed a 2 year contract.
In June 2007, Bryan and Nigel wrestled an extremely physical match that featured a spot where the two traded headbutts. The match didn't air until September that year and in the mean time, the Chris Benoit double murdesuicide happened and the talk of concussions and safety concerns changed completely. The match was not recieved well and Gabe later told Bryan that they shouldn't have aired it at all.
ROH struggled after the Benoit incident and most everyone had to adapt and tone down their styles. Bryan wasn't one of those people, and actually refused to tone down his style. Later in 2007 he would rupture his ear drum exchanging open palm strikes with KENTA and he would suffer a detached retina in a match with Takeshi Morishima. To this day, he has trouble hearing from his left ear and has trouble with vision.
Bryan remembers being super late for a show and not even being able to meet his opponent beforehand. To Bryan's suprise, his opponent, who despite being green, was great to work with and the two had good chemistry. That was a young Jon Moxley.
In Summer of 2008, Shawn Michaels was fueding with Chris Jericho and they incorporated Lamce Cade on Jericho's side, since Shawn trained Lance. Shawn actually reached out to Bryan about also joining the WWE and being involved in the story.
Bryan met with Vince McMahon and remembers how taken back Vince seemed when they first met, and thinks it was because of Bryan's size and how plain he looked. Bryan also didn't sell himself well in the meeting, saying he is "just okay." Head of talent relations John Laurinaitis told Bryan that they would call him, but he never did.
When Bryan returned from a Japan tour in October 2008, he was shocked to find Gabe Sapolsky had been fired by ROH and replaced by Adam Pearce. Bryan details that while Gabe liked to book long shows with everyone on the card trying their hardest to steal the show, Pearce booked shorter shows and had the lower card guys preform well, but not to try everything under the sun to outshine the main event. You can see why Jim Cornette and Adam Pearce get along so well.
Bryan notes how he was fueding with Claudio Castignoli when Gabe was fired, but Pearce immediately ended that program to which Bryan says he and Claudio were disappointed.
After another failed attempt to get into WWE I'm early 2009, Bryan refocused his energies by moving to Las Vegas where he started training in kick boxing and other forms of mixed martial arts.
Bryan trained religiously for months under a former MMA fighter Neil Melanson. Neil is the one who taught Bryan the LaBell Lock.
When Bryan's ROH contract expired in May 2009, he called John Laurinaitis and left a message, but never heard back.
Bryan says in mid-2009, he was talking to Gabe Sapolsky about starting up a new promotion that would become Evolve. Bryan says that Paul Heyman was even involved with these talks.
Brian Kendrick called Danielson up to pitch Danielson coming to WWE as Kendrick's tag partner. Danielson even went and filmed a bunch of promos with Kendrick and fel optimistic. Unfortunately, Kendrick was fired just a few weeks later before any of those vignets aired and that opportunity was gone as well.
Bryan had given up ever going to WWE when John Laurinaitis called him in September 2009 offering him a main roster contract. Bryan was so excited he didn't have to go to developmental, that he would be right on the main roster immediately. Or so he thought, I guess they didn't bother telling Brilyan about NXT at that time, even though it sounds like he was signed with that in mind.
Nigel was also signed at the same time (probably also meant for NXT) but before either man could start, they had to pass WWE medical tests. They asked them both about past injuries, and Bryan just lied, saying he never had anything wrong and was fine. Didn't mention his shoulder being separated twice, or the detached retina, or any concussion. Nigel on the other hand, was very honest about his injuries, including a torn bicep that he didn't get worked on, he just rehabbed it. Nigel figured he was a lock and didn't see the need to lie.
WWE was concerned about Bryan's elevated liver enzymes, and wanted Nigel to get surgery on his bicep before they would sign him. Both guys were wrestling a farewell tour with ROH and both genuinely concerned they wouldn't actually be leaving. In their last match for ROH, Bryan accidentally gave Nigel a concussion, because apparently these guys only know how to wrestle at one speed!
Nigel couldn't afford the bicep surgery and his own doctor was telling him he is fine, so Nigel went to TNA instead. Nigel would only wrestle for another year before his body would break down too far on him and he would retire.
Bryan signed his WWE contract on October 2nd, 2009, nearly 10 years to the day of his debut match. William Regal actually told Bryan, "Your wrestling career came before this and is over now. Anything else that happens now is a bonus."
William Regal came up with the name "Daniel Bryan" for Bryan to use in WWE. Brian tried arguing to Laurinaitis to use his real name and citing John Cena as an example, Laurinaitis simply told Bryan, "We don't do that anymore."
In early 2010, Bryan and seven other guys were told one day about the NXT concept and how they would be used. Bryan found out who his NXT "pro" would be just like everyone else, when WWE posted it on their website. Bryan initially legit wanted Regal as his "pro" but soon realized being paired with Miz gives him a story immediately.
Bryan describes his time in NXT as the most unusual of his career. The "rookies" all legitimately didn't know what was going to happen on any show and everything they did was 100% unscripted and improvised.
The first night in NXT, all the "rookies" were told 15 minutes before the show, that their "pro" would cut a promo on them and they needed to react accordingly. Bryan had no idea that his pro, the Miz was going to tell him to head to the ring and cut a promo on himself, literally telling him on live TV to make the fans care about him. Bryan had no idea what to say, no real direction he was given to go in, and no tome to plan or rehearse. Miz also told him to come up with a catchphrase, and Bryan said he always hated catch phrases.
In the ring, Bryan cut a generic promo where he said he lost his train of thought and was super greatful when The Miz came out to finish the promo off. Bryan didn't know that would happen and Bryan definitely didn't know Miz was going to slap him at the end. Bryan says that later, The Miz confided to Bryan that he was worried Bryan would try to fight him over the slap.
Bryan credits Chris Jericho for getting him over in his first WWE match, and says that neither he, nor Miz knew that Miz was to beat up Brian after the match. Apparently, Miz was informed during the Jericho/Bryan match that he was to attack Bryan after the finish. Wild how much "flying by the seat of their pants" that WWE did with early NXT.
After the show, Jericho told Bryan that Vince was impressed, though he noted how Vince said, "Ugh, but he doesn't even eat meat!"
Bryan describes promo class with Vince as kinda insane to be honest. One time Bryan accidentally spilled a water bottle, and Vince asked everyone how that made them feel about Bryan. Stuff like that.
Bryan says the NXT rookies weren't allowed to use the regular dressing room and had to use some tarped off part of the backstage area.
Bryan notes how most of the NXT season, the NXT rookies never really knew what was going to happen. The 2nd week Bryan lost to Wade Barret and wasn't told that Chris Jericho would be attacking him after the match.
Bryan says his initial storyline with The Miz wasn't a losing streak idea, but something where each loss had meaning and was being built with purpose. Miz was very hands on with each show and helped to put over Bryan and the storyline, but when Miz missed 2 weeks in a row, the producers left in charge basically just turned it into a losing streak storyline, which Bryan says, "never works."
One time on a plane, Ezekiel Jackson asked "which rookie has an isle seat?" Bryan raised his had and Ezekiel said, "Not anymore." Bryan stood his ground and refused, offering his seat to anyone but Ezekiel. Ezekiel got pissed but William Regal came over and chastised Jackson, saying Bryan is like a son to him and how Bryan has more talent in his pinky ginger than Jackson has in his whole body.
Bryan says the NXT "Pros Polls" were legitimate voting done by the pros. That's why Bryan ended up in first place, despite losing every match.
A week after Wrestlemania in 2010, NXT's direction and purpose shifted away from being serious to silly, and Bryan says they were suddenly doing dumb game show competitions and putting over how demoralizing it was.
Bryan says Skip Shepfield (Ryback) was the only rookie taking the competitions seriously and trying to win each game. Sounds on brand for the big guy.
Bryan says he was trying to be humble when asked who should be eliminated and he said himself. He figured since he lost to everyone he didn't have a right to say any of them. Backstage Miz told him he made a mistake and shouldn't have put that perception out there.
A week later they liked the rookies up on TV (an hour before it goes live) and informed Bryan and fellow rookie Michael Tarver that they are both eliminated, without telling them beforehand. Bryan felt this validated all the warnings guys like Colt Cabana and other gave him about WWE.
Right after Matt Striker interviewed him backstage and when asked an insulting question, Bryan snapped and started talking down about "Daniel Bryan" and started to put over "Bryan Danielson!" Bryan says he could hear Vince screaming into Striker's ear piece and apparently Vince threw his headset when Bryan said his real name.
They made Bryan retape the interview without saying that, but still aired his original interview.
Bryan was surprisingly called back to NXT the following week to start a rivalry with Micheal Cole, who had been verbally obliterating Bryan on commentary since Bryan debuted. Bryan seems to be greatful for that program since it kept him on tv and made him confident that he would keep his job.
The RAW after NXT season 1 ended, all the rookies were pulled into Vince's office and told about Nexus and the attack in the main event. They were told not to tell anyone or else they will be fired. Bryan says he even lied to William Regal, when asked why he was dressed to wrestle.
They were supposed to attack John Cena and Rey Mysterio in the main event, because WWE let the fans vote on Cena's opponent and they assumed Rey would get it. Surprisingly it was CM Punk, and Bryan isn't sure how much Punk was told about the angle.
Bryan legit choked Justin Roberts during the melee, leaving red marks on his skin with his tie. Bryan said he doesn't trust non-wrestlers to sell good so he did it for real, with Justin going purple on Tv. Later during the brawl, Bryan was grabbing a cable to choke someone else when a cameraman told him "no choking!" Bryan does note that he thinks Justin Roberts found it pretty cool to be involved. And later Heath Slater grabbed the dismantled ring ropes to choke Cena, but Cena told him as well, "No choking."
Cena told Bryan before the angle, "It's not the hit you do that's important, it's what you do before the hit that matters." This is why Bryan spit in Cena's face before kicking him in the head.
Backstage, Bryan was reprimanded twice, for choking and spitting. Two days later Vince McMahon personally called Bryan to tell him he was let go and apologized to Bryan for it. Bryan, arrogant as all hell, responded with, "Don't apologize, I'll make more money this year on the independents than I would have working for you."
Bryan called John Laurinaitis to clear up details and Laurinaitis was shocked to hear Bryan was fired. Apparently Vince didn't tell anyone, just called Laurinaitis up and asked for Bryan's number. The comment Bryan made about money seemed to get to Vince since Laurinaitis called Bryan back and asked about it. Laurinaitis actually told Bryan that he can start working independent dates immediately if he wasn't on TV.
After working several shows and making good money off merchandise for several weeks, Bryan was shocked when John Laurinaitis called him in August and asked him to come back for a big angle leading into SummerSlam. Bryan sheepishly asked for a raise and made sure he could make all his already planned independent bookings.
Bryan says Nexas should have won at SummerSlam, noting how they went from dangerous to jobbers in one night.
Bryan remembers a taped RAW after SummerSlam where he did an angle with The Miz. When he got backstage Vince was so mad at how it came off that he made Bryan and others go back out there and do it again. It was the first time Bryan ever had to redo something like that and he said he felt humiliated.
Bryan didnt seem to see much value in being US Champion outside of how it would keep him on tv and maybe monthly ppv matches.
At Hell in a Cell 2010 ppv, Bryan had a good match with Miz and John Morrison, but was scolded after that match for a spot where Bryan threw Miz's stoog Alex Riley off the stage where he landed on cameraman. They showed the two guys the footage and accused them of doing it on purpose to get themselves over. Bryan started regretting coming back and really hating his time in WWE.
Bryan was paired with the Bella Twins in a storyline he hated, that was based on the Twins confusing the word "vegan" for "virgin" and competing to sleep with Bryan. Despite how bad that storyline was, Bryan and Brie would develop a relationship and would start dating in February 2011.
Sheamus was given a choice of Wrestlemania opponents that year between Rey Mysterio and Daniel Bryan, and Sheamus chose Bryan. Bryan was greatful but concerned Sheamus chose wrong and their match would be cut but Sheamus wasn't worried at all. A week before Mania they were informed their match was on the pre-show at a meeting with literally every other wrestler. Bryan says Sheamus buried his face in his hands and remembers how Rey Mysterio got on the card in a match with Cody Rhodes. Bryan says Sheamus picked the wrong guy.
Bryan got some details in his book messed up where he talks about Miz winning the WWE title off Cena at Wrestlemania 27 and he talks about how Miz was WWE Champion going into Over The Limit ppv 2011, but Miz lost the title by then. It's notable because he says he pitched hard for a "Rocky style" storyline where he would challenge Miz for the WWE title at the Over The Limit ppv.
Bryan says the 2011 Smackdown Money in the Bank winner wasn't decided until the day of the show but it was always between Wade Barret, Cody Rhodes and Bryan. He says despite winning the briefcase, his tv time tricked down and eventually he was spending weeks off tv, until he was randomly inserted into the World title program between Mark Henry and Big Show in late 2011.
Bryan was being left at home and off shows, even watching Survivor Series 2011 from home and was suprised when WWE had him come to the December TLC ppv show, last minute. The day of the show he was told he was cashing in and winning the title and the only direction Vince McMahon gave him was to act like he won the superbowl, so that's where Bryan's over the top celebration came from. He didn't even tell his girlfriend Brie Bella about the plan and says she was shocked when he came backstage afterwards.
The only direction Vince gave Bryan as champion is to celebrate every appearance like he won the lottery, saying, "there is no too over the top here."
Bryan said he adapted his "Yes" chants from MMA fighter Diego Sanchez who was celebrating in a similar way at the time.
Bryan's favorite moment from that first world title run was the closing sequence in the 2012 Elimination Chamber match with him and Santino Marella.
Bryan originally expected he and Sheamus to get 15 minutes or so at Wrestlemania for their match, but was shocked when Chris Jericho told him he heard it would be 8 minutes, including the pre & post match stuff. A week later Arn Anderson confirmed to Bryan that he would lose a 1-move match, dropping the world title to Sheamus at Wrestlemania that year. Bryan and Sheamus were both pissed, to say the least.
Sheamus expressed concern that the short match would turn fans against him as a new champion. Smart man.
Bryan says a bunch of guys came up to him after his Mania loss and were pissed at what they did to Bryan out there. Great Khali even came up and told Bryan that it was bullshit in his broken English.
Originally Sheamus was planned to move into a fued with Alberto Del-rio right after Mania, but the crazy crowd support for Bryan forced them to extend they story another month. Bryan says his Extreme Rules ppv match with Sheamus in 2012 is one of his favorites. Mine too!
Bryan acknowledged the weird booking of Punk as champion in 2012, noting how heels would face John Cena, lose, then be sent to face Punk with no momentum. Interesting take on the situation.
Bryan mentions how when he and Punk fueded in 2012, they never got main event spots outside of non-televised events. One time at a house show, Bryan and Punk veered too far into comedy and after the match John Cena chastised Bryan by pointing out that they didn't wrestle a "main event style" match. Apparently the next house show, Cena was moved into the main event spot with Punk/Bryan being before the intermission. An enraged Punk went and yelled at people until he got his main event spot back. This time, no comedy spots were done and they stayed the main event for the circuit.
Bryan had brand new, edgier gear made up prior to Money in the Bank 2012 and didn't tell anyone backstage. He wore shorts over his trunk and hid the jacket until he had to go out. When he got to the ring, the ref told him to lose the jacket, because I guess Vince was in gorilla position freaking out over how Bryan looked. Dean Melanko was the producer for the match, and Bryan felt bad when Vince blamed him for allowing Bryan to wear it.
Bryan was originally planned to wrestle Charlie Sheen at SummerSlam 2012 in a celebrity match, but Charlie "bailed" as Bryan put it.
Bryan was trying to be "Mr Small Package" by winning matches with Small Package and then boasting about how he has an "inescapable small package!" It didn't get over.
Bryan thought his anger management vignets with Kane and Dr Shelby were going to be terrible.
The only reason they stopped using Dr Shelby is because he had limited days off from his regular teaching job.
Bryan and Kane really wanted their team name to be "Team Friendship" and they even had shirt ideas but Vince let the fans vote and he always kept those votes legit, so their team name was "Team Hell No" which Bryan brings up a good point about. He said as a team primarily appealing to kids, a name with "Hell" in it would be hard to sell merchandise to those kids.
The plan was to break up their team so they could have a good heated fued together, but they were so popular that they kept teaming for 9 months.
Bryan says his first good Wrestlemania experience was in 2013 when he teamed with Kane.
One night after Mania in 2013, when Bryan tagged with Kane and Undertaker to face The Shield, Vince McMahon told Bryan that he would pay him several thousand dollars if he could get Undertaker to hug Bryan in the ring. After the show Bryan got on the mic and tried his hardest to get the hug but couldn't quite do it.
Bryan says that both he and Kane agree that teaming together was some of the most fun in either man's career.
Bryan was scheduled to win the biggest match of his career up to that point, he would be beating Randy Orton clean on RAW. Bryan would botch a dive that left both arms nunb and him unable to stand. He got feeling back in one arm but eventually the doctor called the match off. Backstage Bryan started screaming at Triple H for calling the match and called him a hypocrite for doing so, citing his own injuries in matches. At one point Orton tried to calm Bryan down, but Bryan snapped at him and Orton started yelling too. Brie got Bryan away to calm down, but when Vince came to talk to Bryan, the shouting started again. Much later, William Regal advised Bryan to apologize to both Vince and Triple H, to which Bryan took his advice. The next week, Bryan would get his win over Orton and he says that that drama over everything made that win matter more.
An MRI showed that one of Bryan's disks was pushing into his nerves and eventually he would need surgery. With his momentum starting to rise, Bryan opted to put surgery off.
John Cena pitched facing Daniel Bryan at Money in the Bank 2013 ppv. When Vince asked why, Cena said because it's the biggest match they could do at that time. Vince ended up agreeing, but deciding that it belongs at SummerSlam that year instead!
As proud as Bryan is of the build to and match with Cena at SummerSlam, he acknowledges that the ppv didn't do good numbers, nor did the house show business the following 2 months when Bryan was the main protagonist. He thinks a lot the the Authority promos on him stemmed from some truth.
Bryan isn't satisfied with the quality of matches he was putting out in the latter half of 2013 amd he specifically calls out the series of bad finishes he had with Randy Orton in ppv main events. From the fast counting crooked ref, to that terrible one with Big Show knocking everyone out, and then to Shawn Michaels betraying Bryan at Hell in a Cell ppv.
Bryan initially thought he was getting a Wrestlemania match with Shawn Michaels after that Hell in a Cell finish, but after talking with HBK, it was clear that was never in the cards.
Bryan feels he failed as a main eventer in the 2nd half of 2013, regardless of match quality. He didn't move business and that's all that matters.
The Slammy's were fan votes and Vince didn't think Bryan would win and almost laughed when Bryan asked him what he should say if he does win. Vince said, "whatever you want." I wish I could have seen Vince's face when Bryan won later that night.
When Bryan started fueding with Wyatt Family in late-2013, Bryan was pitching for him to be "brainwashed" and join the group. He suspects that his rising popularity in early 2014 is what convinced WWE to have Bryan turn on Bray and leave the group. At the time, Bryan was hoping to stay with the group and be involved in the planned Cena/Wyatt Wrestlemania program since Bryan had no plans for Mania at that time.
Bryan says he was disappointed when Vince told him he would be facing Sheamus again at Wrestlemania 2014. No disrespect to Sheamus, but Bryan felt he belonged in a higher spot.
Bryan felt bad for the way Rey Mysterio was boo'd at the 2014 Royal Rumble.
When Punk quit WWE after Rumble that year, Bryan remembers how plans didn't change too much for a few weeks, and he assumes Vince expected Punk to come back and for Batista to win the crowds over, and neither happened.
Triple H was being vocal about wanting to face Bryan at Mania that year, but Bryan was trying to not get his hopes up since he had seen Triple H try and fail to get his ideas on screen.
Bryan and Brie only agreed to let Total Divas shoot their wedding, because Total Divas agreed to pay for the whole wedding! Hard to say no to that!
Bryan is very satisfied with his matches at Wrestlemania 30 and says he was so focused between matches that he missed Undertaker losing to Lesnar. He heard the ring bell and looked up at the monitor in shock. He says they cameras should have filmed the guys and girls in the back because their reactions were wild, apparently.
Five days after Wrestlemania 30, Bryan and Brie got married, but 2 days after their honeymoon ended, Bryan's dad unexpectedly passed away at the age of 57. Bryan was devastated and described how he was crying still as he was writing about it.
The book ends on a complete downer, very unlike most other wrestling books. Bryan says that as long as he wrestled when asked if everything he was missing or sacrificing was worth it, Bryan always said yes. He assumed he would have more time when he was done and could catch up on what he missed, but his dad is gone and Bryan openly admits that it wasn't worth it. If he could, Bryan would change a lot of his decisions if it meant more time with his dad.
He says he is still wrestling though because he literally doesn't know what else to do or what comes after. This is especially depressing 10 years later, when Bryan is still wrestling despite having started a family of his own. I hope he doesn't regret any time missed with his daughter.
He ends the book by describing the last time he saw his dad, on Christmas in 2013, where his dad dressed up as Santa. Fuck. I'm sad now.

Solid wrestling book, though not super memorable in my opinion. Some solid detail and dirt like you expect, but honestly it felt like he was holding back.
As always, it's in chronological order as best as I could do that. Hope y'all enjoy!
Bryan is a weird dude, while describing his adolescence, he casually says that he has a lot of weird hypothesis on various subjects, and we should ask Nigel McGuinness about Bryan's theory on how a penis grows. He doesn't expand on this more. He just says that and moves back to talking about his childhood.
Bryan rants a bit about how modern medicine has stunted human evolution because kids who would have died off got to live and reproduce and pass their "defects" onto the next generation. He says that he is one of those defects, sick all his childhood and sick a lot as an adult. He says that his wife Brie is also a "defect" but says she can share the details in her own book if she ever writes one.
When Bryan was 16 years old, he contacted Dean Melanko's wrestling school and was told it would cost him $2,500, but he needed a $500 deposit to secure his spot. Bryan was scared that there were hundreds of people on the waiting list and worked extra shifts at McDonald's in order to get the cash together asap. He put $500 deposit down for a wrestling school he couldn't go to for 2 more years.
Three months before Bryan graduated high school, the Melanko Wrestling School contacted to inform Bryan that the school was shutting down permanently. When Bryan asked for his $500 back, he was told that they no longer had it and that he was SOL.
While watching Monday Night RAW, an ad flashed advertising a 900 number (an old pay-per-minute phone concept that was always a money drain on the caller), and it advertised Shawn Michaels opening up a wrestling school. After an expensive phone call, Bryan was told to pay $20 more for a package to be mailed to him with more info. He did, and when he got the package, it detailed how Michaels wrestling school would cost $3,900 dollars, and it had another 900 number to call if you're interested. Bryan was demoralized and almost didn't call. When he did, though, he was speaking to Shawm Michaels mom, who was helping Shawn run it. Bryan's mom ended up doing all the talking, and the two mothers helped Bryan get set up with a place in San Antonio where the school was. They agreed to let Bryan pay monthly to help him with the finances.
Bryan's first day of wrestling school went exactly like everyone else's first day of wrestling school, with 90% of the students gassed and vomiting. Bryan said out of the 10 guys there, only he and Lance Cade didn't end up vomiting.
Bryan remembers how much Shawn Michaels prioritized his training to Lance Cade. One of the first days, Lance did a basic jump and got so much air that Michaels loudly proclaimed, "I smell money!"
Even though it was Shawn's school, the primary instructor was Rudy Boy Gonzales, a pretty insignificant wrestler from the 80s and 90s. Bryan puts over Rudy as a passionate trainer who motivated him to try harder. Bryan said Rudy would show Bryan anything Bryan saw on a tape and wanted to try.
Bryan says that he and "The" Brian Kendrick became friends immediately as they were both around the same size in the training and had the same level of passion for wrestling.
I always heard that Shawn Michaels wasn't very present for this school, but Bryan tells a different tale, putting Shawn over as someone who was always around and always showing them how to be better.
Bryan does remember some days that Shawn would come in with his sunglasses on, sit at the back of the class, and then dip out early. Bryan didn't realize then that Shawn was in deep with a bad painkiller addiction, and so some days he wasn't as present. Since Bryan grew up with his dad's addiction issues, Bryan says seeing Shawn actually kick the addiction fully put Shawn on a pedestal in Bryan's eyes.
After a couple of months, Shawn was telling the students to start thinking of ring names, and when Bryan couldn't come up with one, he asked Shawn about using his real name. Shawn thought about it for a second before adding "The American Dragon" to it. When Bryan asked why that name, Shawn said it's because Bryan wrestled like a Japanese guy. Bryan took that as a massive compliment.
Bryan didn't tell Shawn, but Bryan initially hated "The American Dragon" name.
Bryan had trouble being expressive and emoting in the ring, so Shawn had him wrestle under a mask.
On October 4th, 1999, Bryan wrestled his first ever match for Shawn Michaels' small promotion, Texas Wrestling Alliance. His opponent was Brian Kendrick (then known as Spanky), and Bryan says as rotton as it was, everyone in the back was super excited for their performance, including Shawn.
Bryan confirms that Kendrick called himself "Spanky" as a masturbation reference.
Shawn arranged for Bryan and Lance Cade to head over to Japan and wrestle for Frontier Martial Arts Wrestling, a bit of a "mudshow" wrestling promotion. Shawn got Bryan and Lance a spot on their card by agreeing to referee a match for the company.
Bryan remembers seeing one guy shove a bottle rocket up his opponents butt and light it off at that FMW show. So yeah, some pretty outlaw stuff.
Bryan describes attempting a moonsalt to the outside of the ring during this Japan tour, but he slipped and cracked his head on the cement. Bryan says, "When I came to, I didn't even know where I was" before describing how he stumbled his way through the match. He notes how concussions have always been a problem for him.
Lance Cade was invited back to FMW later for a 2nd tour, but they didn't ask for Bryan back. That's when Bryan realized that at his size, he needs to get much, much better.
In February 2000, HBK got Bryan, Lance Cade, Brian Kendrick, and another student named Shooter Shultz, a dark match on an episode of Smackdown. He says they planned for a 15-minute tag match before being told last minute that it's been cut down to 6 minutes. Bryan says HBK went and yelled at some people about "his guys" until he got it bumped up to 10 minutes.
Bryan says he got his first documented concussion that match, because they weren't used to a literal ramp, and Bryan cracked his skull on it, doing a pointless dive. He says the WWE doctor backstage told him to just make sure he doesn't fall asleep.
Bryan says when they got backstage after their match, HBK was excited and pumping them up, telling everyone backstage that they should sign all 4 guys immediately. This was on Tuesday, and by Thursday, when WWE still hadn't contacted them, Shawn called them up and threatened to take the 4 to WCW where Kevin Nash would make sure they were signed. Bryan says WWE quickly offered all 4 guys developmental contracts for $500 per week. Bryan says HBK was a great guy to have in your corner.
Shortly after getting the developmental contract, Bryan and Kendrick wrestled a main event ladder match for Shawn's TWA promotion. At the time, Bryan believed that in order to stand out, he would need to wrestle a more daredevil style, so he did some dumb stuff in this match. He did some ridiculous spot that ended with Bryan separating his shoulder. After the match, he took a table bump that legitimately knocked him unconscious for a full minute.
A week or 2 later, the teams had a rematch in a steel cage where all 4 agreed to blade for the first time. Why is he doing this dumb shit right after being offered a WWE contract?
Bryan says those ladder and cage matches made him realize he needed to change his style up and become more mat based. He wouldn't have had a long career if he kept getting hurt. At this point, Bryan has only been wrestling for 6 or 8 months and already suffered maybe 3 concussions. At least 2 for sure.
Bryan Danielson, Lance Cade, Brian Kendrick, and Shooter Shultz all moved to Memphis, where WWE's development primarily opperated out of at the time. William Regal was also a developmental system at the time, trying to show he had kicked his addiction issues.
Memphis Championship Wrestling was the territory they wrestled for, and Bryan remembers wrestling in all sorts of crazy locations like a WalMart parking lot once.
Although Shawn eventually took the mask off Bryan in TWA, the guys at MCW immediately put the mask back on Bryan.
The only time Bryan thought he might get called up to the main roster was in January 2001, when he heard rumors that WWE wanted to start up a cruiserweight division and use Danielson and Kendrick That didn't happen, though, and Bryan never heard another rumor or wiff of him being called up.
In June 2001, someone from WWE talent relations came down to evaluate talent. Brian was let go and told that despite his talent, they just had no plans for him.
In October 2001, Bryan was offered a spot in California based All Pro Wrestling's annual King Of The Indies tournament. Danielson would beat Kendrick in the first round, and after the show, Nick Bockwinkle, who was there watching, loudly told promoter Roland Alexander, "If you don't put that guy over." Bockwinkle said while pointing directly at Bryan, "You're crazy!"
APW head trainer Donovan Morgan was scheduled to beat Bryan in the second round and go on to win the tournament, but promoter Roland made the call to have Bryan win instead.
Bryan says this that while this really pissed Donovan off, what really upset the guy was when Roland offered Danielson and Kendrick trainer positions alongside Donovan.
Kendrick turned the offer down, but Bryan took it and moved to California in January 2002, where he became the head trainer. Though Bryan says he was a lousy trainer and no good at motivating anyone.
On February 2002, Bryan sat down with Gabe Sapolsky, who, after being inspired by the Super 8 tournament Bryan won, wanted Bryan part of his new promotion, Ring of Honor.
Bryan remembers both William Regal and John Laurinaitis said they would try to get Bryan an in to Japan, but both came up short, and both eventually stopped returning Bryan's calls.
In March 2002, Bryan Danielson, Christopher Daniels, and Brian Kendrick got a tryout with New Japan in Santa Monica. Antonio Inoki was actually there to oversee, but he literally had his back turned to the ring while Danielson and Kendrick wrestled. Inoki never bothered to turn around and watch them, instead watching someone stretch, Bryan says. Bryan later heard that New Japan never intended to hire anyone. They just wanted their dojo to look full for press.
After the "tryout," Bryan says that Inoki fell and had to be helped up by a bunch of people. Only the three of them didn't get up to help, with Kendrick saying loudly, "serves the motherfucker right."
Bryan kept making trips to the Santa Monica dojo every couple of weeks until Shinya "Togi" Makabe told him that if Bryan really wanted to be taken seriously, he had to be at the dojo every single day. Bryan took the advice seriously, quit his training job and moved to Santa Monica.
Bryan says he was offered to come tour with New Japan after only training at the dojo full time a few weeks. It was on this tour where Bryan first wrestled in the Tokyo Dome.
In May 2003, Bryan wrestled another Tokyo Dome show, where Bryan, Rocky Romero and TJ Perkins were all pulled aside in the hotel after the show, by Justin Cully. Cully literally slapped each man across the face, saying the slaps are from Inoki, who was disappointed in their proformances that night. Apparently Inoki expected them to wrestle more of a shoot style fight and was very upset.
In March 2004, Bryan won his first title with New Japan, the IWGP Junior Tag titles with Christopher Daniels, and Bryan would spend the majority of the year with New Japan where he wrestled 8 different tours.
Bryan pitched a 3 hour long match to Gabe Sapolsky for a ROH show and is disappointed they didn't go the full 3 hours.
Going into 2005, Bryan expected to wrestle his whole career in New Japan, but was startled when New Japan didn't get his visa renewed for the January tour like they always do. He was told it was a mistake and he would be back for March tour, but again he was told last minute they didn't have a visa for him. In May they contacted him last minute inviting him for a tour, but at a ridiculous pay cut down to $500 per week. Bryan turned the offer down and never went back to that Santa Monica dojo or work for New Japan again. He later heard that he was used as a pawn in a power struggle with the Dojo and New Japan.
In mid-2005 Bryan got an email from CM-Punk about a rumor suggesting that both WWE and TNA were interested in Bryan, Punk and Samoa Joe. Joe would quickly sign with TNA after this and Punk took a developmental deal with WWE. Bryan never heard from either company, and a few months later Gabe Sapolsky told Bryan he wanted to build ROH around Bryan but wanted a promise that Bryan wouldn't just leave to WWE or TNA. Great timing Gabe, because Bryan immediately said yes.
After winning the ROH World title in September 2005, Bryan says his title reign was falling flat until he started being cocky and cutting those "best in the world" promos. Bryan even shades Jericho and Punk a little by saying at the time no one else was saying it and that's why it worked so well for him.
Bryan puts over his matches with Nigel McGuinness in summer of 2006, but points out one in particular he regrets. Nigel had the idea for Bryan to pull Nigel's face into the steel ring post 3 times to get real blood. After 3 attempts and no blood, Nigel yelled, "One more time!" They got blood on the 4th time, and gave Nigel a severe concussion.
Five minutes into an hour long match with Colt Cabana in August 2006, Bryan landed bad on the outside of the ring, where he separated that same right shoulder as before and tore two tendons.
Three weeks later, Bryan defended his ROH title against KENTA of all people, who legitimately targeted his hurt shoulder all match. Then Bryan went to tour Japan with Pro Wrestling Noah where he and KENTA had a rematch.
Bryan would finally drop the ROH title in December 2006 and then take nearly 4 months off. This is the first time he took off since he started wrestling in 1999.
After doing a tour of Japan with Pro Wrestling Noah in April 2007, Bryan was excited to come back to ROH and signed a 2 year contract.
In June 2007, Bryan and Nigel wrestled an extremely physical match that featured a spot where the two traded headbutts. The match didn't air until September that year and in the mean time, the Chris Benoit double murdesuicide happened and the talk of concussions and safety concerns changed completely. The match was not recieved well and Gabe later told Bryan that they shouldn't have aired it at all.
ROH struggled after the Benoit incident and most everyone had to adapt and tone down their styles. Bryan wasn't one of those people, and actually refused to tone down his style. Later in 2007 he would rupture his ear drum exchanging open palm strikes with KENTA and he would suffer a detached retina in a match with Takeshi Morishima. To this day, he has trouble hearing from his left ear and has trouble with vision.
Bryan remembers being super late for a show and not even being able to meet his opponent beforehand. To Bryan's suprise, his opponent, who despite being green, was great to work with and the two had good chemistry. That was a young Jon Moxley.
In Summer of 2008, Shawn Michaels was fueding with Chris Jericho and they incorporated Lamce Cade on Jericho's side, since Shawn trained Lance. Shawn actually reached out to Bryan about also joining the WWE and being involved in the story.
Bryan met with Vince McMahon and remembers how taken back Vince seemed when they first met, and thinks it was because of Bryan's size and how plain he looked. Bryan also didn't sell himself well in the meeting, saying he is "just okay." Head of talent relations John Laurinaitis told Bryan that they would call him, but he never did.
When Bryan returned from a Japan tour in October 2008, he was shocked to find Gabe Sapolsky had been fired by ROH and replaced by Adam Pearce. Bryan details that while Gabe liked to book long shows with everyone on the card trying their hardest to steal the show, Pearce booked shorter shows and had the lower card guys preform well, but not to try everything under the sun to outshine the main event. You can see why Jim Cornette and Adam Pearce get along so well.
Bryan notes how he was fueding with Claudio Castignoli when Gabe was fired, but Pearce immediately ended that program to which Bryan says he and Claudio were disappointed.
After another failed attempt to get into WWE I'm early 2009, Bryan refocused his energies by moving to Las Vegas where he started training in kick boxing and other forms of mixed martial arts.
Bryan trained religiously for months under a former MMA fighter Neil Melanson. Neil is the one who taught Bryan the LaBell Lock.
When Bryan's ROH contract expired in May 2009, he called John Laurinaitis and left a message, but never heard back.
Bryan says in mid-2009, he was talking to Gabe Sapolsky about starting up a new promotion that would become Evolve. Bryan says that Paul Heyman was even involved with these talks.
Brian Kendrick called Danielson up to pitch Danielson coming to WWE as Kendrick's tag partner. Danielson even went and filmed a bunch of promos with Kendrick and fel optimistic. Unfortunately, Kendrick was fired just a few weeks later before any of those vignets aired and that opportunity was gone as well.
Bryan had given up ever going to WWE when John Laurinaitis called him in September 2009 offering him a main roster contract. Bryan was so excited he didn't have to go to developmental, that he would be right on the main roster immediately. Or so he thought, I guess they didn't bother telling Brilyan about NXT at that time, even though it sounds like he was signed with that in mind.
Nigel was also signed at the same time (probably also meant for NXT) but before either man could start, they had to pass WWE medical tests. They asked them both about past injuries, and Bryan just lied, saying he never had anything wrong and was fine. Didn't mention his shoulder being separated twice, or the detached retina, or any concussion. Nigel on the other hand, was very honest about his injuries, including a torn bicep that he didn't get worked on, he just rehabbed it. Nigel figured he was a lock and didn't see the need to lie.
WWE was concerned about Bryan's elevated liver enzymes, and wanted Nigel to get surgery on his bicep before they would sign him. Both guys were wrestling a farewell tour with ROH and both genuinely concerned they wouldn't actually be leaving. In their last match for ROH, Bryan accidentally gave Nigel a concussion, because apparently these guys only know how to wrestle at one speed!
Nigel couldn't afford the bicep surgery and his own doctor was telling him he is fine, so Nigel went to TNA instead. Nigel would only wrestle for another year before his body would break down too far on him and he would retire.
Bryan signed his WWE contract on October 2nd, 2009, nearly 10 years to the day of his debut match. William Regal actually told Bryan, "Your wrestling career came before this and is over now. Anything else that happens now is a bonus."
William Regal came up with the name "Daniel Bryan" for Bryan to use in WWE. Brian tried arguing to Laurinaitis to use his real name and citing John Cena as an example, Laurinaitis simply told Bryan, "We don't do that anymore."
In early 2010, Bryan and seven other guys were told one day about the NXT concept and how they would be used. Bryan found out who his NXT "pro" would be just like everyone else, when WWE posted it on their website. Bryan initially legit wanted Regal as his "pro" but soon realized being paired with Miz gives him a story immediately.
Bryan describes his time in NXT as the most unusual of his career. The "rookies" all legitimately didn't know what was going to happen on any show and everything they did was 100% unscripted and improvised.
The first night in NXT, all the "rookies" were told 15 minutes before the show, that their "pro" would cut a promo on them and they needed to react accordingly. Bryan had no idea that his pro, the Miz was going to tell him to head to the ring and cut a promo on himself, literally telling him on live TV to make the fans care about him. Bryan had no idea what to say, no real direction he was given to go in, and no tome to plan or rehearse. Miz also told him to come up with a catchphrase, and Bryan said he always hated catch phrases.
In the ring, Bryan cut a generic promo where he said he lost his train of thought and was super greatful when The Miz came out to finish the promo off. Bryan didn't know that would happen and Bryan definitely didn't know Miz was going to slap him at the end. Bryan says that later, The Miz confided to Bryan that he was worried Bryan would try to fight him over the slap.
Bryan credits Chris Jericho for getting him over in his first WWE match, and says that neither he, nor Miz knew that Miz was to beat up Brian after the match. Apparently, Miz was informed during the Jericho/Bryan match that he was to attack Bryan after the finish. Wild how much "flying by the seat of their pants" that WWE did with early NXT.
After the show, Jericho told Bryan that Vince was impressed, though he noted how Vince said, "Ugh, but he doesn't even eat meat!"
Bryan describes promo class with Vince as kinda insane to be honest. One time Bryan accidentally spilled a water bottle, and Vince asked everyone how that made them feel about Bryan. Stuff like that.
Bryan says the NXT rookies weren't allowed to use the regular dressing room and had to use some tarped off part of the backstage area.
Bryan notes how most of the NXT season, the NXT rookies never really knew what was going to happen. The 2nd week Bryan lost to Wade Barret and wasn't told that Chris Jericho would be attacking him after the match.
Bryan says his initial storyline with The Miz wasn't a losing streak idea, but something where each loss had meaning and was being built with purpose. Miz was very hands on with each show and helped to put over Bryan and the storyline, but when Miz missed 2 weeks in a row, the producers left in charge basically just turned it into a losing streak storyline, which Bryan says, "never works."
One time on a plane, Ezekiel Jackson asked "which rookie has an isle seat?" Bryan raised his had and Ezekiel said, "Not anymore." Bryan stood his ground and refused, offering his seat to anyone but Ezekiel. Ezekiel got pissed but William Regal came over and chastised Jackson, saying Bryan is like a son to him and how Bryan has more talent in his pinky ginger than Jackson has in his whole body.
Bryan says the NXT "Pros Polls" were legitimate voting done by the pros. That's why Bryan ended up in first place, despite losing every match.
A week after Wrestlemania in 2010, NXT's direction and purpose shifted away from being serious to silly, and Bryan says they were suddenly doing dumb game show competitions and putting over how demoralizing it was.
Bryan says Skip Shepfield (Ryback) was the only rookie taking the competitions seriously and trying to win each game. Sounds on brand for the big guy.
Bryan says he was trying to be humble when asked who should be eliminated and he said himself. He figured since he lost to everyone he didn't have a right to say any of them. Backstage Miz told him he made a mistake and shouldn't have put that perception out there.
A week later they liked the rookies up on TV (an hour before it goes live) and informed Bryan and fellow rookie Michael Tarver that they are both eliminated, without telling them beforehand. Bryan felt this validated all the warnings guys like Colt Cabana and other gave him about WWE.
Right after Matt Striker interviewed him backstage and when asked an insulting question, Bryan snapped and started talking down about "Daniel Bryan" and started to put over "Bryan Danielson!" Bryan says he could hear Vince screaming into Striker's ear piece and apparently Vince threw his headset when Bryan said his real name.
They made Bryan retape the interview without saying that, but still aired his original interview.
Bryan was surprisingly called back to NXT the following week to start a rivalry with Micheal Cole, who had been verbally obliterating Bryan on commentary since Bryan debuted. Bryan seems to be greatful for that program since it kept him on tv and made him confident that he would keep his job.
The RAW after NXT season 1 ended, all the rookies were pulled into Vince's office and told about Nexus and the attack in the main event. They were told not to tell anyone or else they will be fired. Bryan says he even lied to William Regal, when asked why he was dressed to wrestle.
They were supposed to attack John Cena and Rey Mysterio in the main event, because WWE let the fans vote on Cena's opponent and they assumed Rey would get it. Surprisingly it was CM Punk, and Bryan isn't sure how much Punk was told about the angle.
Bryan legit choked Justin Roberts during the melee, leaving red marks on his skin with his tie. Bryan said he doesn't trust non-wrestlers to sell good so he did it for real, with Justin going purple on Tv. Later during the brawl, Bryan was grabbing a cable to choke someone else when a cameraman told him "no choking!" Bryan does note that he thinks Justin Roberts found it pretty cool to be involved. And later Heath Slater grabbed the dismantled ring ropes to choke Cena, but Cena told him as well, "No choking."
Cena told Bryan before the angle, "It's not the hit you do that's important, it's what you do before the hit that matters." This is why Bryan spit in Cena's face before kicking him in the head.
Backstage, Bryan was reprimanded twice, for choking and spitting. Two days later Vince McMahon personally called Bryan to tell him he was let go and apologized to Bryan for it. Bryan, arrogant as all hell, responded with, "Don't apologize, I'll make more money this year on the independents than I would have working for you."
Bryan called John Laurinaitis to clear up details and Laurinaitis was shocked to hear Bryan was fired. Apparently Vince didn't tell anyone, just called Laurinaitis up and asked for Bryan's number. The comment Bryan made about money seemed to get to Vince since Laurinaitis called Bryan back and asked about it. Laurinaitis actually told Bryan that he can start working independent dates immediately if he wasn't on TV.
After working several shows and making good money off merchandise for several weeks, Bryan was shocked when John Laurinaitis called him in August and asked him to come back for a big angle leading into SummerSlam. Bryan sheepishly asked for a raise and made sure he could make all his already planned independent bookings.
Bryan says Nexas should have won at SummerSlam, noting how they went from dangerous to jobbers in one night.
Bryan remembers a taped RAW after SummerSlam where he did an angle with The Miz. When he got backstage Vince was so mad at how it came off that he made Bryan and others go back out there and do it again. It was the first time Bryan ever had to redo something like that and he said he felt humiliated.
Bryan didnt seem to see much value in being US Champion outside of how it would keep him on tv and maybe monthly ppv matches.
At Hell in a Cell 2010 ppv, Bryan had a good match with Miz and John Morrison, but was scolded after that match for a spot where Bryan threw Miz's stoog Alex Riley off the stage where he landed on cameraman. They showed the two guys the footage and accused them of doing it on purpose to get themselves over. Bryan started regretting coming back and really hating his time in WWE.
Bryan was paired with the Bella Twins in a storyline he hated, that was based on the Twins confusing the word "vegan" for "virgin" and competing to sleep with Bryan. Despite how bad that storyline was, Bryan and Brie would develop a relationship and would start dating in February 2011.
Sheamus was given a choice of Wrestlemania opponents that year between Rey Mysterio and Daniel Bryan, and Sheamus chose Bryan. Bryan was greatful but concerned Sheamus chose wrong and their match would be cut but Sheamus wasn't worried at all. A week before Mania they were informed their match was on the pre-show at a meeting with literally every other wrestler. Bryan says Sheamus buried his face in his hands and remembers how Rey Mysterio got on the card in a match with Cody Rhodes. Bryan says Sheamus picked the wrong guy.
Bryan got some details in his book messed up where he talks about Miz winning the WWE title off Cena at Wrestlemania 27 and he talks about how Miz was WWE Champion going into Over The Limit ppv 2011, but Miz lost the title by then. It's notable because he says he pitched hard for a "Rocky style" storyline where he would challenge Miz for the WWE title at the Over The Limit ppv.
Bryan says the 2011 Smackdown Money in the Bank winner wasn't decided until the day of the show but it was always between Wade Barret, Cody Rhodes and Bryan. He says despite winning the briefcase, his tv time tricked down and eventually he was spending weeks off tv, until he was randomly inserted into the World title program between Mark Henry and Big Show in late 2011.
Bryan was being left at home and off shows, even watching Survivor Series 2011 from home and was suprised when WWE had him come to the December TLC ppv show, last minute. The day of the show he was told he was cashing in and winning the title and the only direction Vince McMahon gave him was to act like he won the superbowl, so that's where Bryan's over the top celebration came from. He didn't even tell his girlfriend Brie Bella about the plan and says she was shocked when he came backstage afterwards.
The only direction Vince gave Bryan as champion is to celebrate every appearance like he won the lottery, saying, "there is no too over the top here."
Bryan said he adapted his "Yes" chants from MMA fighter Diego Sanchez who was celebrating in a similar way at the time.
Bryan's favorite moment from that first world title run was the closing sequence in the 2012 Elimination Chamber match with him and Santino Marella.
Bryan originally expected he and Sheamus to get 15 minutes or so at Wrestlemania for their match, but was shocked when Chris Jericho told him he heard it would be 8 minutes, including the pre & post match stuff. A week later Arn Anderson confirmed to Bryan that he would lose a 1-move match, dropping the world title to Sheamus at Wrestlemania that year. Bryan and Sheamus were both pissed, to say the least.
Sheamus expressed concern that the short match would turn fans against him as a new champion. Smart man.
Bryan says a bunch of guys came up to him after his Mania loss and were pissed at what they did to Bryan out there. Great Khali even came up and told Bryan that it was bullshit in his broken English.
Originally Sheamus was planned to move into a fued with Alberto Del-rio right after Mania, but the crazy crowd support for Bryan forced them to extend they story another month. Bryan says his Extreme Rules ppv match with Sheamus in 2012 is one of his favorites. Mine too!
Bryan acknowledged the weird booking of Punk as champion in 2012, noting how heels would face John Cena, lose, then be sent to face Punk with no momentum. Interesting take on the situation.
Bryan mentions how when he and Punk fueded in 2012, they never got main event spots outside of non-televised events. One time at a house show, Bryan and Punk veered too far into comedy and after the match John Cena chastised Bryan by pointing out that they didn't wrestle a "main event style" match. Apparently the next house show, Cena was moved into the main event spot with Punk/Bryan being before the intermission. An enraged Punk went and yelled at people until he got his main event spot back. This time, no comedy spots were done and they stayed the main event for the circuit.
Bryan had brand new, edgier gear made up prior to Money in the Bank 2012 and didn't tell anyone backstage. He wore shorts over his trunk and hid the jacket until he had to go out. When he got to the ring, the ref told him to lose the jacket, because I guess Vince was in gorilla position freaking out over how Bryan looked. Dean Melanko was the producer for the match, and Bryan felt bad when Vince blamed him for allowing Bryan to wear it.
Bryan was originally planned to wrestle Charlie Sheen at SummerSlam 2012 in a celebrity match, but Charlie "bailed" as Bryan put it.
Bryan was trying to be "Mr Small Package" by winning matches with Small Package and then boasting about how he has an "inescapable small package!" It didn't get over.
Bryan thought his anger management vignets with Kane and Dr Shelby were going to be terrible.
The only reason they stopped using Dr Shelby is because he had limited days off from his regular teaching job.
Bryan and Kane really wanted their team name to be "Team Friendship" and they even had shirt ideas but Vince let the fans vote and he always kept those votes legit, so their team name was "Team Hell No" which Bryan brings up a good point about. He said as a team primarily appealing to kids, a name with "Hell" in it would be hard to sell merchandise to those kids.
The plan was to break up their team so they could have a good heated fued together, but they were so popular that they kept teaming for 9 months.
Bryan says his first good Wrestlemania experience was in 2013 when he teamed with Kane.
One night after Mania in 2013, when Bryan tagged with Kane and Undertaker to face The Shield, Vince McMahon told Bryan that he would pay him several thousand dollars if he could get Undertaker to hug Bryan in the ring. After the show Bryan got on the mic and tried his hardest to get the hug but couldn't quite do it.
Bryan says that both he and Kane agree that teaming together was some of the most fun in either man's career.
Bryan was scheduled to win the biggest match of his career up to that point, he would be beating Randy Orton clean on RAW. Bryan would botch a dive that left both arms nunb and him unable to stand. He got feeling back in one arm but eventually the doctor called the match off. Backstage Bryan started screaming at Triple H for calling the match and called him a hypocrite for doing so, citing his own injuries in matches. At one point Orton tried to calm Bryan down, but Bryan snapped at him and Orton started yelling too. Brie got Bryan away to calm down, but when Vince came to talk to Bryan, the shouting started again. Much later, William Regal advised Bryan to apologize to both Vince and Triple H, to which Bryan took his advice. The next week, Bryan would get his win over Orton and he says that that drama over everything made that win matter more.
An MRI showed that one of Bryan's disks was pushing into his nerves and eventually he would need surgery. With his momentum starting to rise, Bryan opted to put surgery off.
John Cena pitched facing Daniel Bryan at Money in the Bank 2013 ppv. When Vince asked why, Cena said because it's the biggest match they could do at that time. Vince ended up agreeing, but deciding that it belongs at SummerSlam that year instead!
As proud as Bryan is of the build to and match with Cena at SummerSlam, he acknowledges that the ppv didn't do good numbers, nor did the house show business the following 2 months when Bryan was the main protagonist. He thinks a lot the the Authority promos on him stemmed from some truth.
Bryan isn't satisfied with the quality of matches he was putting out in the latter half of 2013 amd he specifically calls out the series of bad finishes he had with Randy Orton in ppv main events. From the fast counting crooked ref, to that terrible one with Big Show knocking everyone out, and then to Shawn Michaels betraying Bryan at Hell in a Cell ppv.
Bryan initially thought he was getting a Wrestlemania match with Shawn Michaels after that Hell in a Cell finish, but after talking with HBK, it was clear that was never in the cards.
Bryan feels he failed as a main eventer in the 2nd half of 2013, regardless of match quality. He didn't move business and that's all that matters.
The Slammy's were fan votes and Vince didn't think Bryan would win and almost laughed when Bryan asked him what he should say if he does win. Vince said, "whatever you want." I wish I could have seen Vince's face when Bryan won later that night.
When Bryan started fueding with Wyatt Family in late-2013, Bryan was pitching for him to be "brainwashed" and join the group. He suspects that his rising popularity in early 2014 is what convinced WWE to have Bryan turn on Bray and leave the group. At the time, Bryan was hoping to stay with the group and be involved in the planned Cena/Wyatt Wrestlemania program since Bryan had no plans for Mania at that time.
Bryan says he was disappointed when Vince told him he would be facing Sheamus again at Wrestlemania 2014. No disrespect to Sheamus, but Bryan felt he belonged in a higher spot.
Bryan felt bad for the way Rey Mysterio was boo'd at the 2014 Royal Rumble.
When Punk quit WWE after Rumble that year, Bryan remembers how plans didn't change too much for a few weeks, and he assumes Vince expected Punk to come back and for Batista to win the crowds over, and neither happened.
Triple H was being vocal about wanting to face Bryan at Mania that year, but Bryan was trying to not get his hopes up since he had seen Triple H try and fail to get his ideas on screen.
Bryan and Brie only agreed to let Total Divas shoot their wedding, because Total Divas agreed to pay for the whole wedding! Hard to say no to that!
Bryan is very satisfied with his matches at Wrestlemania 30 and says he was so focused between matches that he missed Undertaker losing to Lesnar. He heard the ring bell and looked up at the monitor in shock. He says they cameras should have filmed the guys and girls in the back because their reactions were wild, apparently.
Five days after Wrestlemania 30, Bryan and Brie got married, but 2 days after their honeymoon ended, Bryan's dad unexpectedly passed away at the age of 57. Bryan was devastated and described how he was crying still as he was writing about it.
The book ends on a complete downer, very unlike most other wrestling books. Bryan says that as long as he wrestled when asked if everything he was missing or sacrificing was worth it, Bryan always said yes. He assumed he would have more time when he was done and could catch up on what he missed, but his dad is gone and Bryan openly admits that it wasn't worth it. If he could, Bryan would change a lot of his decisions if it meant more time with his dad.
He says he is still wrestling though because he literally doesn't know what else to do or what comes after. This is especially depressing 10 years later, when Bryan is still wrestling despite having started a family of his own. I hope he doesn't regret any time missed with his daughter.
He ends the book by describing the last time he saw his dad, on Christmas in 2013, where his dad dressed up as Santa. Fuck. I'm sad now.

Warning this will be a long post, it has everything I've learnt in the past couple of years from hair growth, to styling, to weightloss, to nervous system regulation and more.
I'm in my early 30s, I have 3B hair, tall, two years ago I was obese, prediabetic, I had anxiety problems, now I'm just a tall [seemingly ;) ] effortlessly pretty black girl and I want all my beauties on here to have my beauty secrets.
Topics discussed:

• Haircare
• Style
• Makeup
• Teeth
• Skincare
• Weight loss vs Fat loss
• Healthy Fat loss
• Body Recomposition
• Inflammation
• Gut Health
• How to lower androgen/testosterone levels
• Nervous System Regulation/Stress Management
• Tea Cycling
• Seed Cycling

Hair

I have PCOS so it affects my hair growth and causes hirsutism, basically male patterened facial hair and male patterned baldness.
Hair Growth: Here is the true secret sauce to hair growth, stimulating your scalp. I do daily scalp massages with a bamboo brush (even the bristles are made of rounded bamboo) very gentle. This is the one I use: Golab Beauty I do short strokes which prevents any tangles. Morning and Night. I then go in with a scalp serum, I use The Oui scalp serum but it costs a pretty penny. In the first yearish I used (The 'Ordinary' Haircare Growth Set Multi-Peptide Serum For Hair Density) which worked wonders and was cost effective. At nights I seal with any scalp oil that has rosemary oil. Sadly Mielle's formula no longer works for me, but As I Am rosemary oil has been working, I also like the Camille Rose Rosemary Oil Strengthening Hair and Scalp Drops. For Washing my hair I suffer from sebaceous dermatitis which causes scaliness. Paradoxically my scalp is so oily which is what triggers the ezcema and develops the dry patches. Reversing my PCOS symptoms fixed this but what also helped was the Nizoral shampoo with 1% Ketoconazole. It's harsh so I do it once to twice a month at most and I always follow up with a moisturizing shampoo, and of course finish with a wash out conditioner & leave in conditioner.
Hair Retention: This is the info we all know about preventing breakage but I'll include just in case. Hair growth happens in the scalp like said before but to retain that growth it's important to wear protective hairstyles (especially while asleep), a silk/satin bonnet or wrap, silk/satin pillowcase, do not let your hair air dry at night. There is debate about this but I've seen hair specialists and scientists say our hair is especially fragile when wet (especially curly/kinky hair). Therefore, we are much more prone to snags and breakage while our hair is wet. So going to bed make sure your hair is dried. If you're air drying your hair during the day try not to touch it too much - as little manipulation as possible. Personally choose to diffuse/blow dry my hair and this has prevented most of the breakage I was previously experiencing. Lastly, moisturize and oil your ends. I won't pretend like I know which order is best or even if it's important but I've found that using hair moisturizediluted leave in conditioner then hair oil works best for me.
Hirsutism/Facial Hair: Spearmint essential oil. I add 1-2 drops of the oil to my moisturizer each time I put on my moisturizer and it helped A LOT with reducing my facial hair. I also drink a lot of spearmint tea. Spearmint specifically has been proven to lower androgen/testosterone levels which is why it helps. I also took supplements which I'll include at the end because they served multiple purposes. Be sure not to add the oil to the entire bottle because that will ruin your moisturizer's formula. Just add the drops in your palm/finger tips and mix in your face cream each time you moisturize your jawline, chin, underneck. Also, do this after moisturizing the upper part of your face without the oil because it's harsh and the scent can be irritating to your eye area.
Body hair: Personally I sugar wax my arms and legs, the hair has grown back so thin now. I make it myself and follow tutorials from abetweene on youtube.
Hair colouHairstyle: This will depend on your face shape and color season. I'm a dark winter colour season and I have a heart face shape. I used the Dressika app to discover my color season before I could afford to get myself professionally assessed and I got the same results. Just be sure to use natural lighting, like by a window. Once you have your colour season you can choose hair colours that work best for you (although natural almost always works best). For my hairstyle I try to choose styles that compliment my heart shaped face. I used the youtube channel Dear Peachie to help me with figuring this out.

Style

I think most of us know about Kibbe and colour seasons. This was how I upgraded my wardrobe. I'm a soft dramatic so I wear things that work for my tall height and accentuate my waist.
This was the game changer with colour seasons. Most of us know about our true seasons, but it can get restrictive. Sister seasons and colour dissonance is also helpful to know.
My colour season is dark winter, so my sister seasons would be dark autumn and true winter. Thid gives me more wiggle room to style myself.
Dissonance are colours that are outside your true season and your sister seasons, you sprinke this in to add interest. Think of an outfit that is extremely matchy and cohesive but has that one accessory or item that stands out and adds interest. It's really fun in art and in fashion.
For my shoes I've started wearing dancing heels which help my flat feet lol and look stylish. Heel insoles help too, as well as the product Shoe Gummi. I still can't last more than 2, 3 hours at most but it's definitely bearable compared to before.
Matching pajamas and loungewear. You just feel so luxurious dressing up at home and they can (should) be comfy :)
Accessories:

• I wear glasses that work with my heart shaped face.
• I have a neutral leaning warm undertone so I wear gold jewelry, if I wear pearls or other gem stones I mix in gold to provide more harmony with my skin.
• Perfume, wear what works with your body chemistry. Some smell delictable on people I know and icky on me, and vice versa. Wear what works for you.
• Nails, press ons. So convenient, so cheap.
• Hair accessories, bows, barretes, clips, scrunchies, a ribbon, you could be wearing jeans and a t shirt but a simple hair accessory upgrades the look automatically.

Makeup

I used the youtube channel Dear Peachie to help me with finding eye looks, brows, blush placement for my face shape
I have a low visual weight face and I am a romantic ingenue, because of this I go for more subtle looks that emphasis two facial features maximum at a time (eyes, lips, cheeks).
Don't get me wrong I love glam bold makeup but soft and subtle makes me glow, I turn heads when my makeup is done like this.

Teeth

• Wax free floss (Cocofloss $10 expensive but I love it 😅, Burst black floss, Moon graphite floss, Twice floss, Dr. Jen’s silk floss)
• Oil pulling (coconut oil with clove & tea tree oil, or Guru Nanda oil pulling product)
• Brush teeth
• Tongue scraper (not everyday, couple of times a week and not too hard)
• Alcohol free mouthwash (TheraBreath)
• More so related to my lip area but I try to use wrinkle preventing straws or when I do use regular straws, I place it on the side of my mouth. The reason this works is because puckering the lips excessively causes smokers lines/wrinkles around the mouth.

Skin

Skincare. This was something that took me a while to work on because of my PCOS, age, weight and etc.
Facial Care: The basics includes chemical exfoliation, retinol, moisturizerecover. I cycle my nightly skincare routine with this in mind and always keep the same morning routine. Mornings look like this (Jojoba oil to help while I use my gua sha, Water based cleanser, eye cream, vitamin c/peptide serum, moisturizer with a drop or two of glycerin, spearmint oil mixed with face cream on the jawline & neck area, finish with sunscreen).
My nights I alternate these routines in this order
Night 1 - Chemical Exfoliation (Oil cleanser to help while I use my gua sha, Water based cleanser, eye cream, glycolic/lactic acid, moisturizer with a drop or two of glycerin, spearmint oil mixed with face cream on the jawline & neck area, castor oil on lashes and brows)
Night 2 - Retinol (Oil cleanser to help while I use my gua sha, Water based cleanser, eye cream, retinol, moisturizer, spearmint oil mixed with face cream on the jawline & neck area, castor oil on lashes and brows)
Night 3 - MoisturizeRecovery (Oil cleanser to help while I use my gua sha, Water based cleanser, eye cream, retinol, moisturizer with a drop or two of glycerin, rosehip oil as sealant on entire face, spearmint oil mixed with face cream on the jawline & neck area, castor oil on lashes and brows)
Repeat Night 1 - 3 (sometimes I need more days to recover if my skin is sensitive or acting up, do what works for you personally)
Other things that I've done/used to help: red light therapy (helps with both hair growth, so I use it on my scalp, and with stretch marks so I use it on my face and body), Microcurrent device (helps with collagen production and stretchmarks) - I use the brand NuFace & NuBody, Volufiline (a skin serum I mix with eye cream that helps with hollowness under the eyes, Kigelia Africana Skin Cream (I use the brand Maelys B-Perky which contains this ingredient and helped to tighten my chest area and my loose skin on the area), face yoga and myo fascia face massage, these help with the tautness of my face (basically everything else helps with wrinkles, these exercises and the microcurrent helps and prevents, sagging especially jowls). I follow tutorials I search for from youtube.
Body Care: Similar to facial care body care includes exfoliation, retinol, moisturizerecover
Night 1 - Physical Exfoliation (Dry brush/Body Scrub, Hydrating lotion with a few drops of glycerin, rosehip oil as sealant on entire body)
Night 2 - Retinol (Jojoba oil to help while I use my gua sha, retinol body wash, retinol body lotion)
Night 3 - MoisturizeRecovery (Jojoba oil to help while I use my gua sha, Hydrating lotion with a few drops of glycerin, rosehip oil as sealant on entire body)
Again, repeat Night 1 - 3 use more days for recovery if needed
Stretch marks/loose skin: Whether due to weight gain, pregnancy, etc. we can't ever truly get rid of loose skin or stretch marks but moisturizing the skin and derma rolling can help with the appearance. Especially derma rolling. Do NOT derma roll while pregnant but you can do so after when you’ve recovered and talk to your doctor (if you've had a c section you have to wait before derma rolling). I used this video as motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChG8aSvEU6A
For the body I never went beyond 1.5mm it worked for my deepest stretch marks. If this is too aggressive 1.0mm still works just as well. Make sure you use 70% alcohol as this is what experts say is better at disinfecting. It has more water, which helps it to dissolve more slowly, penetrate cells, and kill bacteria. The disinfecting power of rubbing alcohol drops at concentrations higher than 80%-85%. Make sure you disinfect the derma roller before and after use, and make sure you disinfect your area of contact before rolling as well. Do not do heavy workouts workout or sweat inducing activities for at least 3 days after and avoid harsh products.
I started derma rolling while working on losing weight (at the beginning of my journey while still obese) and continued a year after losing 130lbs. Derma rolling works by causing micro tears, the skin heals the area and in the process of doing so develops more collagen - leading to thicker skin, lighter stretch marks and tighter skin. Since I did this before losing the weight it helped my skin adapt a lot. I won't pretend like I have 0 loose skin or stretch marks but it's barely visible. Someone has to be intimately close to notice. Obviously genetics, how slowly you lose the weight, diet, and moisturizing the skin helps but my PCOS contributed to low collagen (thin skin) and so the derma rolling really helped.

Weight loss vs Fat loss

Tons of info here but I promise if you read through it helps to know this stuff.
Weightloss comes down to calories in versus calories out. I know that's rudely simpliflied and not that easy, but it truly is the answer to weightloss (which may be fat, water, or muscle). This is why people can eat barely nothing, lose weight but their shape stays the same (basically skinny fat). It's also why fasting or going low carb works so fast (water weight is the first to go).
Fatloss on the other hand is more complicated. This involves our TDEE (Total Daily Energy Expenditure).
TDEE includes: Resting/Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR), Metabolic Equivalent of Task or Exercise activity thermogenesis (EAT), Non-exercise activity thermogenesis (NEAT), Thermic Effect of Food (TEF), and Adaptive Thermogenesis (AT).
BMR (~70% daily energy) the energy taken to exist, so tasks like breathing. Your sex, body composition (muscle to fat ratio), age, and genetics play a role in this EAT (~5% daily energy) the energy taken for exercise weight lifting, swimming, high intensity walks, etc. NEAT (~15% daily energy) the energy taken for non exercise movements like walking, fidgeting, showering, standing, etc TEF (~10% daily energy depending on the macronutrients of your meal) the energy taken to digest, protein has the highest TEF of all the macronutrients, Carbs have a TEF of around 5-10%, while Fats have the lowest TEF, around 0-3%.
Adaptive Thermogenesis (AT) is the changes in energy expenditure (energy used) that occur in response to changes in energy balance. For example when you eat more food than you need, your body may increase energy expenditure to prevent weight gain eg. move more, eat less the next day, etc.. On the other hand, when you eat less food than you need, your body may decrease energy expenditure to conserve energy and prevent weight loss eg. less movement, eat more the next day.
Other things that affect AT include diet composition (eg high/low protein, high/low carb, calorie dense foods, etc), physical activity (eg. weights vs. cardio), and environmental factors such as temperature and altitude.
Things that influence AT can make weight management challenging, as it can lead to plateaus or rebounds in weight loss efforts. This is why lack of sleep, hormonal issues, aging, etc. makes weightloss harder.
Here is a clearer example of this
Things that affect calories in:

• 8-9 Hours of sleep (Maintains metabolic homeostasis, insulin sensitivity, hormonal processes). Compromised sleep lead to:
  • Increased Gherlin (hunger hormone - feeling hungrier & therefor eating more)
  • Decreased Leptin (sensation of satiety - needing to eat more to feel full)
• Insulin resistance: This is when the cells in your muscles, fat, and liver don't respond well to insulin and can't easily take up glucose from your blood. This results in excessive sugar in the blood & as a result the body produces more insulin in order to try to help the cells obtain the energy from glucose. This leads to weight gain as the insulin increases hunger. Also, since the body is insulin resistant, the excess glucose is converted to fat for long-term storage.
  • Things that can cause insulin resistance: PCOS, Inactivity/sedentary lifestyle, family history of diabetes, gestational diabetes, hypertension, alcohol abuse, poor sleep habits, high cholesterol levels, metabolic syndrome, cardiovascular disease, high bodyweight, acromegaly

Things that affect calories out:

• Body Composition (Fat to muscle ratio)
• Gut health
• Compromised sleep affects our energy levels which leads to
  • Decreased NEAT (Non exercise activity thermogenesis)
• Hypothyroidism (lowered levels of T3 and T4)
  • Thyroid hormones T3 and T4 affects every cell and all the organs in your body by regulating the rate at which your body uses calories/energy which is known as our bmr, meaning this affects your metabolic rate.
• Too few calories lowers daily NEAT
  • By eating below your BMI (calories needed to perform basic biological processes), your body makes up for this through energy conservation by lowering your NEAT (non exercise activity thermogenesis). Basically you lack the energy to perform your normal daily activities. This also affects your body composition and cardio health as you become sedentary (stop moving as much).

Healthy Fat loss

So to lose fat in a healthy way you need to:

1. Get enough sleep (8-9 hours per night)
2. Manage your stress levels/nervous system regulation
3. Look after your gut health
4. Manage inflammation
5. Increase your daily steps (8-10k per day)
6. Weight lift
7. Eat high protein (protein takes the most amount of energy to digest).
8. Manage your insulin resistence
9. Eat in a caloric deficit (make sure your calories in do not exceed calories out).

Futher information about the bold items in the list is included below. Also, I know this all seems overwhelming but keep in mind you are creating a lifestyle change. This is not a quick fix.
To manage your insulin resistance (info from the book Glucose Goddess by Jessie Inchauspé):

• Eat within an hour of waking up
• Protein with breakfast
• Tablespoon of apple cider vinegar before each meal (diluted in a glass of water)
• Eat foods in this order, veggies -> protein -> fat -> starches -> carbs -> sugar
• Never eat sweets/dessert/carbs on an empty stomach (dessert after dinner)
• Keep refined carbs and added sugar at a minimum.
• Minimize alcohol intake
• Try to minimize sodas, fruit juice and sweet drinks (this is because there is no fiber to help with the glucose spike or at least try to have these drinks after eating something fiberous)
• Only eat fruit whole, not transformed eg. eat the orange instead of having the orange juice, again fiber makes a world of a difference
• Put clothing on your carbs. Eg. have protein/fats/fiber with your carbs
• A short walk after carb heavy meals
• Fasting - this is controversial and I should add a disclaimer, if you in any way shape or form have or had an eating disorder, especially restrictive eating, I highly recommend against fasting. Intermittent fasting has a lot of studies out there that were done on men. The book Fast Like a Girl by Dr. Mindy Pelz includes a nuanced view of fasting that takes into account our hormones and our monthly cycle. She also has a free app 'Fast like a girl', you log your period and it tells you how long to fast. However, bioindividuality is key here, genetics, etc. Please if you are considering fasting make sure you get bloodwork done first. Manage your electrolyte levels, do not neglect iron and protein levels. Personally, I prefer using the other methods since fasting can also inadvertently worsens insulin resistence due to increased stress/cortisol which cause higher hunger cues. Some with insulin resistence found fasting to be helpful. So make sure you do what works for you and always consult your doctor.
• Supplements:
  • Vitamin D paired with Vitamin K1 & K2
  • Magnesium Biglycinate (I take this before bed)
  • Omega-3 Fatty Acids
  • Turmeric
  • Coenzyme 10 (Take with Clomid & Vitamin E)
  • N-Acetylcysteine (NAC)
  • Inositol
  • Zinc (Important to Note: It works inversely with testosterone - raises testosterone if your levels are low and lowers it if your levels are high)

To eat in a caloric deficit, calculate your TDEE and subtract 200-500 calories from that number. I like using this calculator. https://tdeecalculator.net
Eg. If it's calculated to be 2000 calories, you subtract 200, so 1800 should be your daily calorie intake. For the activity levels make sure you do not oversell yourself. Here is a general guide:

• Sedentary: Office job sat all day or less than 3000 steps per day
• Lightly Active: Exercise 1-3 times per week or 3-10k steps daily (up to 3-4 miles daily)
• Moderately Active: Exercise 3-5 times per week or 10-15k steps daily (up to 4-7 miles daily)
• Highly Active: Hard exercise 6-7 training days per week or 15-20k steps daily (up to 7-10 miles daily)
• Extremely Active: Intense daily exercise/hard physical labour 7 days a week or 25k+ steps daily (up to 10 miles daily)

As you lose weight your body adapts so after a while you may need to recalculate your TDEE and deficit. Once you are at your ideal weight, you no longer subtract the 200-500, you simply eat the TDEE amount to maintain but you do this gradually. After I lost the weight I came out of the deficit by adding 50 calories to my daily intake per week, till I was at maintenance/my TDEE. This prevented me from gaining fat or water weight.
Lastly, muscle mass (increase in muscle raises your metabolic level, meaning you burn more calories at rest). This is ideal and is also how you'll see someone who is short, seemingly small but weigh more than you imagined. Muscle density weighs more than fat. Think of a 50 pound dumbbell versus 50 pounds of feathers, you would need a whole lot of feathers to match the weight. Same difference, you need a larger volume of fat to equal to the same amount of muscle. Therefore, lifting weights is ideal because you will become more toned, burn more calories at rest, be able to eat more even when you've lost the weight to maintain your phisique, you'll be more insulin sensitive, and you will have stronger and higher bone density (really important for women, we lose up to 5% of muscle mass per decade after the age of 30).

Body Recompositon: Weightlifting for health (and aesthetics), lose fat & gain muscle

It is possible to gain muscle and lose fat at the same time. I followed Huskular Goddess and and LexiiGettingFit for inspiration and they were really the ones that opened my eyes to the concept of body recomposition (gain musle while losing fat).
The benefits of this is as you're getting smaller your TDEE is increasing. This means by the time you lose the weight you'll still be eating an adequate amount. The other benefits include insulin sensitivity versus insulin resistence, higher metabolism, and a improved body composition like I mentioned before in the dummbell versus feather example. The downside is the number on the scale won't have a dramatic shift while your clothes will be fitting looser. Again, weight density plays tricks on us and it's easy to get caught up in body dismorphia but I promise it works.
In order to sustain and build muscle while losing fat, you need to be consuming enough protein while remaining in a caloric deficit. So 60-80g of protein per day minimum to lose 1-2lbs per week. Ideally it should be 0.8-1g of per pound of lean body mass. Eg, someone is 300lbs and they want to get down to 150lbs. They would eat 120-150g of protein per day. If this is too much, try to get at least 60-80g like I mentioned before. Remember even though 1-2lbs per week sounds small, the changes are significant because of the muscle gained. You will look and feel smaller.
Weightlifting for a rounder booty (I reshaped my glutes by weightlifting. Hormones can actually affect the shape and my PCOS did a number on me. I developed a V shape over the years. Round, square, heart, A shapes are all based on your bone structure and fat placement. Some of us just have those stubborn fat deposits in certain areas that are genetic, even when we lose the weight, it's a smaller version but the same shape. V shape on the other hand is largely seen in older women post menopause and in younger women with hormonal disorders. This is becuase the hormonal imbalances also causes muscle imbalances. Regulating your hormones helps but it won't grow the muscles for you, so I used Fit With Emely's glute guide based on your glute shape (completely free, I watched all her videos to get this info and it took me two years to go from a V shape to a round shape.
Here is the guideline for each shape:
Glute Maximus - Everyone should be working on glute maximus. It builds the shelf and overall size. Step ups (all variations), hip thrusts (all variations), lunges, rdl, leg press, all squat variations Glute Minimus - (V and Square shapes), this muscle fills in the middle between the top and lower glute. Hip abduction, single leg bridge, Standing hip abduction/cable raises Gute Medius - (Heart, Round, and A-shaped) this muscles builds a longer hip for top portion of the glutes. Eg. Single leg squat, Single leg deadlift, Cable clamshells, Reverse lung, step ups Underbutt - Everyone should be working on underbutt but this is especially useful for V shaped folks. It works the hamstrings and lower portion of glutes. Good mornings, single leg rdl (also works minimus), single leg hip thrust (also works maximus), hip abductors (also works minimus)
How to structure workout:

• Warm up/Dynamic Stretches (specific to the muscle group you're working eg. lower body warm up or upper body warm up, etc.)
• Compound exercises (2-3 exercises eg. single leg rdl, good mornings, leg press - for each exercise you do 3-4 sets, 8-12 reps, with 3-4 minute rest between sets). That probably sounds like a foreign language to some, so for instance:
  • Start excercise 1
  • Set 1 (repeat exercise 1 - rdl 8 times)
  • 3 minute rest
  • Set 2 (repeat exercise 1 - rdl 8 times)
  • 3 minute rest
  • Set 3 (repeat exercise 1 - rdl 8 times)
  • Move on to exercise 2
  • Set 1 (repeat exercise 2 - leg press 8 times)
  • 3 minute rest
  • Set 2 (repeat exercise 2 - leg press 8 times)
  • 3 minute rest
  • Set 3 (repeat exercise 2 - leg press 8 times)
  • Move on to exercise 3
  • Set 1 (repeat exercise 3 - good mornings 8 times)
  • 3 minute rest
  • Set 2 (repeat exercise 3 - good mornings 8 times)
  • 3 minute rest
  • Set 3 (repeat exercise 3 - good mornings 8 times)
• Secondary Workouts (2-3 exercises eg. step ups, bulgarian split squats, lunges - for each exercise you do 3-4 sets, 8-12 reps, with 3-4 minute rest between sets)
• Isolated/Accessory Movements: these exercises work one part of the muscle more than others, for example an overbias on the underbutt/hamstring like I mentioned before to help with the V shape ( eg. hip abductors, kickbacks, glute bridge, lying leg raises, etc. (1-2 exercises high repetitions, low weight 2-3 sets, 15-20 reps, 1-2 minute rest between sets)
• Static stretch/cool down (specific to the muscle group you're working eg. lower body cool down or upper body cool down, etc.)

Keep in mind that you only need to work on a muscle group 2-3 times a week. So I only do glutes Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Also keep in mind while I work the lower body I am also working my upper body (eg. while doing rdls I am lifting the weight with my upper body), which is why I don't have tailered upper body days, this is for aesthetic reasons, and because weightlifting more than 3 days per week is not feasible with my PCOS.
My full routine is:

• Monday- lower body
• Tuesday - Pilates/core
• Wednesday - Rest (I still go for walks on these days)
• Thursday - lower body
• Friday - Pilates/core
• Saturday - lower body
• Sunday - Rest (I still go for walks on these days)

I also used primarily resistance bands in the beginning because gym equipment intimidated me (not anymore :) ). I started with 25lb resistance and went up to 125lbs. I use the product BandBar which allowed me to use the resistance bands like a barbell at home. This isn’t the only option and you can definitely buy resistance bands and do it without the bar. BandBar
For the ab separation from being obese, I did this workout 3 times a week (also helpful post pregnancy): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smiGsW-mQX0
For my chest to help with getting perkier boobs (the derma rolling was what made the biggest difference, but this exercise helped as well though it took 6+ months for the changes to be significant. Women tend to take longer to grow chest muscles): https://youtu.be/hg7_R29jGIE?feature=shared
I also did workouts to help with my posture and mobility 3 times a week (any I could find online)
The last thing I will say is be mindful that you may gain weight initially when you start lifting weights. This is due to slight inflammation/water gain from foreign tension, which will last about a month or two before you adapt BUT your body will adapt, I promise. Keep in mind if it's days before your period or if you are on your period. It's not if, but when, our weight fluctuates. As long as you are in a deficit and doing everything right, the number will go down. Do not get discouraged!!!
Here is the edit to this post which includes my supplements, how I managed my inflammation, and how I improved my gut health. I also edited the information I shared prior to include a few more tips and lifestyle changes I made, and included a few more details. I also rearranged things so there is a separation between style/haiskin and health information. The post is getting really long so I may create a separate post for personal development/mindset tips.

Inflammation

In my case my inflammation was caused by my PCOS, insulin resistence and my obesity, but it can be caused by chronic stress, other autoimmune disorders like IBS, Crohn's disease, etc, smoking/alcohol, age related diseases, environmental toxins, diets high in processed foods, sugars, trans fats & high omega-6 fatty acids.
In my case the inflammation from the PCOS led to gut inflammation due to the high levels of coritsal (stress hormones) in reaction to the high testosterone and insulin resistence. I also experienced metabolic inflammation (non alcoholic fatty liver disease), skin inflammation (as I mentioned earlier the ezcema on my scalp, alopecia, and hirsutism), adipose tissue inflammation, chronic low grade inflammation (this led to edema or fuid retention -> insulin resistance and my high testosteron/androgen levels also exacerbated this).
To fix this these were the thin I added to my life:

• Dry brushing 2-3 times a week
• Body Gua sha
• Face Gua Sha or Face Yoga or Myofascial Massage
• Jump Rope
• Trampoline/Rebounder
• Vibration Plate (very useful for after a workout or while sitting down)
• Acupressure mat
• Arvigo (Mayan Abdominal massage) & Lymphatic drainage massage
• Leg elevation, I sleep with a pillow under my knees. In the evenings I keep my legs up.
• Massages
• Sweat more (exercise/sauna/steam room)
• Portable Infrared Sauna (reduce cortisol by 25%)
• Microcurrent
• Compression socks
• Castor oil pack 3-4x per week
• Eliminate inflammatory triggers (mine were gluten & dairy)
  • Switch to sourdough
  • Eliminate seed oils
  • Avoid alcohol & smoking
• Supplements
  • Vitamin D paired with Vitamin K1 & K2
  • Magnesium Biglycinate (I take this before bed)
  • Omega-3 Fatty Acids
  • Turmeric
  • Coenzyme 10 (Take with Clomid & Vitamin E)
  • N-Acetylcysteine (NAC)
• Teas that helped
  • Turmeric
  • Red Rasberru Leaf Tea
  • Fennel
  • Chamomile

Gut Health

Your microbiota needs the right bacteria in the right amount to perform its hormone regulating functions properly. When the type or number of bacteria gets disturbed by events such as stress, or poor diet, or your gut can no longer accomplish its job meaning you'll have inflammation, increased risk of chronic disease, skin conditions, mental health issues, weakened immune system, nutrient absorprion problems, and weight management challenges.
For weight loss issues, gut microbiomes influence hormones in producing and signaling leptin and ghrelin (these hormones regulate hunger and fullness signals). Inflammation and insulin resistence is also associated with gut health problems as mentioned before. Energy extraction from foods, certain gut bacteria are more efficient at extracting energy from food, particularly carbohydrates. When there is an imbalance, more calories can be absorbed from food leading to difficulties gaining or losing weight.
Things I did to improve gut health/intestinal permeability:

• Ate foods rich in digestive enzymes (mangoes, pineapple, etc.)
• Pre and probiotics (incorporate bifidobacterium and lactobacillus)
  • Favorite brand: Seed Heath Probiotics
• Pickles (without vinegar): Great source of prebiotics
• Apple Cider VinegaKimchi/Kombucha/Sauerkraut
  • Beware of certain types of vinegar contain chemicals which kill bacteria, “the good bacteria”, and leave the yeast Candida albicans alone.
  • Raw apple cider vinegar contains: Natural probiotics (friendly bacteria), which may help with your immune system and gut health.
    • Tablespoon of apple cider vinegar (diluted in a glass of water) before each meal
  • Balsamic vinegar: Acetic acid is the active compound in balsamic vinegar. This acid contains strains of probiotics that aid digestion. The probiotics found in acetic acid can help promote good gut health and digestion while supporting overall immune function.
• Raw Carrots (has the type of fiber that binds and flushes out toxins in gut, good to have as daily hormone & digestion support)
• Limit Processed foods and Sugar
• No drinking or smoking
• Stress managment (which I'll expand on just below)
• Increase fiber intake
• Regularly exercise
• Supplements
  • Ginger
  • L-Glutamine
  • Olive leaf extract (especially helpful if you have candida overgrowth)
  • Turmereric
• Teas
  • Ginger
  • Lemon Balm

Lower androgens/testosterone

• Teas
  • Nettle Tea
  • Spearmint tea
• Spearmint oil topically for hirsutism
• Supplements
  • Schisandra (adaptogen - stress management & hormone balance)
  • Saffron (Also helps reduce testosterone, lower blood pressure and prevents bad cholesterol)
  • Inositol
  • Holy Basil
  • Magnesium Biglycinate (I take this before bed)
  • Omega-3 Fatty Acids
  • Coenzyme 10 (Take with Clomid & Vitamin E)
  • Zinc (Important to Note: It works inversely with testosterone - raises testosterone if your levels are low and lowers it if your levels are high)

Nervous System Regulation/ Stress Management

Stress is one of the things that age us the most, and people with PCOS already have higher levels of cortisol so these are the things I do to manage my stress levels:

• Regulate circadian rhythm, direct sunlight upon waking up. I use a sunrise alarm clock lamp for this
• Same bedtime everynight (pre midnight)
• Invert screen colors at bedtime (red filter on screens)
• Pillow under knees
• No loud alarms
• Magnesium biglycinate supplement before bed
• Regulate circadian rhythm, view the sunset before bed. I use a sunrise alarm clock lamp for this
• Spend a few minutes breathing through left nostril only
• Epsom salt foot soak
• Journal
• Get back to using my coloring books (I even invested in alcohol based markers it's so fun). Regulates me and gets me in touch with my inner child
• Time with friends, my puppy, and my family
• Supplements
  • Holy Basil (adaptogen - stress management & hormonal balance)
  • L-Theanine
  • Magnesium biglycinate
• Teas
  • Red raspberry leaf (adaptogen - stress management, also good for menstrual cramps)
  • Reishi Mushroom
  • Lemon Balm
• Night time mocktail (have after dinner and not on an empty stomach due to the sugar levels in the tart cherry)
  • Teaspoon of tart cherry (high levels of melatonin)
  • Magnesium biglycinate powder
  • Probiotic soda (good for gut health)

Tea cycling

• On your period
  • Nettle leaf: Increase iron levels
  • Moringa: Increase iron levels
  • Red Raspberry leaf: Helps with period cramps (best to drink throughout the month, especially at the end of the luteal phase
  • Chamomile: Helps with wellness wind down routine when you're feeling extra tired
• Follicular phase
  • Focus teas: Peppermint, Spearmint
  • Adaptogens: Lion's mane, Adaptogen latte, and Chaga mushroom
  • Detox: Dandelion Root
• Ovulation phase
  • Detox: Dandelion root tea
  • Bloating: turmeric tea latte/golden latte
  • Estrogen dominance - symptoms (bad hormonal migraines, hot flashes, nausea): Schisandra berry, Lemon balm
• Luteal phase
  • PMS symptoms: Raspberry leaf, Schisandra berry, Ginger root (powder or tea)

The best teas for PCOS

• Spearmint
  • For reducing androgens & lowering hirsutism (facial hair)
• Cinnamon tea (improves insulin sensitivity)
• Chamomile tea (Adaptogen)
• Nettle Tea (reduce androgens)
• Red raspberry leaf (adaptogen/stress relief, also good for menstrual cramps)
• Schisandra (adaptogen/stress relief & hormone balance)
• Saffron (Also helps reduce testosterone, lower blood pressure and prevents bad cholesterol)
• Ginger (ginger offers anti-inflammatory, fertility and hormone-balancing benefits, aides digestion )

Seed Cycling

What is seed cycling? Seed cycling refers to the consumption of specific seeds at different times of the month in order to improve the production and levels of sex hormones, specifically estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone.
Seed cycling divides the female menstrual cycle into two parts:

1. During the first half of the menstrual cycle, or days 1 through 14, seed cycling encourages daily consumption of flax and pumpkin seeds.
2. During the second half of the menstrual cycle, or days 15 through 28, seed cycling encourages daily consumption of sunflower and sesame seeds

Results from seed cycling will not happen overnight. Normally women observe improvements after approximately three months of seed cycling adherence. It took me about 4ish months.
The Benefits of Seed Cycling: Support hormonal balance, alleviate PMS symptoms, decrease hormonal acne, alter irregularity of menstrual cycles, and fight stomach bloating and fatigue.

Please send a private message instead of a chat - it's easier for me to keep track that way.
Most sets/figs are used; any noticeable wear is noted. Some of the figs may be missing pieces, so please take note. NIB sets can be shipped without the box to save on shipping.
Sets include all minifigs unless specified. From a nonsmoking pet-free home. I will break down and bag the minifigs separately when possible. I did my best to rebuild/inventory each set, but I am human, so please forgive me if I miss a piece.
Sets will be broken down as much as possible to facilitate shipping. I only ship to the address associated with your PayPal account.
Prices do not include shipping. Every order comes with tracking, packing photos, and a surprise!
[Photos]https://imgur.com/a/X9vEC
STAR WARS SETS

• 7140 X-wing Fighter, missing Technician fig, Biggs' helmet, and most of the tools (drill is included). R2's body and head are a little yellowed (legs are ok), no instructions, due to the set's age, there may be some slight yellowing, $45
  
• 7752 Count Dooku's Solar Sailer, SPEEDER BIKE ONLY, poor sticker placement, $1
  
• 75006 Jedi Starfighter & Planet Kamino, STARFIGHTER ONLY, complete, $5
  
• 75030 Millennium Falcon Microfighter (Han), complete, with instructions, built once and displayed, $8
  
• 75105 Millennium Falcon, complete, no instructions, built once and displayed, $80
  
• 75131 Resistance Trooper Battle Pack, VEHICLE ONLY, lot of two, no instructions, $10
  
• 75198 Tatooine Battle Pack, VEHICLE ONLY, no instructions, $5
  
• 75250 Pasaana Speeder Chase, BNIB, $41
  
• 75254 AT-ST Raider, complete, built once and displayed, no instructions, $27
  
• 75254 AT-ST Raider, BNIB, $37
  
• 75270 Obi-Wan's Hut, complete with instructions, built once and displayed, $28
  
• 75276 Stormtrooper Helmet, complete with instructions, stickers not applied (includes new sticker sheet), $100
  
• 75280 501st Legion Clone Troopers, complete with instructions, built once and displayed, $24
  
• 75283 Armored Assault Tank (AAT), built once and displayed, complete with instructions, $35
  
• 75288 AT-AT, built once and displayed, complete with instructions, $125
  
• 75306 Imperial Probe Droid, built once and displayed, complete with instructions, $37
  
• 75310 Duel on Mandalore, built once and displayed, complete with instructions, $14
  
• 75315 Imperial Light Cruiser, complete with instructions, built once and displayed for about a week, $107
  
• 75315 Imperial Light Cruiser, BNIB, $165
  
• 75316 Mandalorian Starfighter, BNIB, $85
  
• 75319 The Armorer’s Mandalorian Forge, complete with instructions, built once and displayed, $40
  
• 75320 Snowtrooper Battle Pack, BNIB, $15
  
• 75322 Hoth AT-ST, BNIB, $48
  
• 75323 The Justifier, complete with instructions, built once and displayed for about a week, $92
  
• 75323 The Justifier, BNIB, $118
  
• 75328 The Mandalorian Helmet, BNIB, box is creased, $49
  
• 75328 The Mandalorian Helmet, complete with instructions, built once and displayed for about a week, $38
  
• 75334 Obi-Wan Kenobi vs. Darth Vader, built once and displayed for about a week, complete with instructions, $21
  
• 75336 Inquisitor Transport Scythe, built once and displayed for about a week, complete with instructions, $66
  
• 75344 Boba Fett's Starship Microfighter {Slave I}, complete with instructions, built once and displayed for about a week, $7
  
• 75346 Pirate Snub Fighter, complete with instructions, built once and displayed for about a week, $17
  
• 75354 Coruscant Guard Gunship, New unopened bags, no box, includes instructions and sticker set, $110
  
• 75359 332nd Ahsoka's Clone Trooper Battle Pack, BNIB, $15
  

STAR WARS MINIFIGS (many figs have one or two missing parts)

• SW0011a Chewbacca (Reddish Brown), $3
  
• SW0021 Luke Skywalker (Tatooine), no head, $3
  
• SW0052 Tusken Raider, tooth(?) mark on back of head, $3
  
• SW0082 Rebel Technician, Light Bluish Gray Uniform, $5
  
• SW0088 Han Solo - Light Nougat, Reddish Brown Legs with Holster, $5
  
• SW0102 AT-AT Driver - Red Imperial Logo, Yellow Head, no head, $30
  
• SW0120 Anakin Skywalker with Black Right Hand, no hair, $4
  
• SW0201 Clone Trooper Clone Wars, three available, $7/ea
  
• SW0201 Clone Trooper Clone Wars, worn torso, $6
  
• SW0209 Darth Vader (Death Star torso), $11
  
• SW0268 Imperial TIE Fighter / Defender Pilot, minor play wear on torso, $3
  
• SW0336 Obi-Wan Kenobi - Old, Light Nougat, Reddish Brown Hood and Cape, White Pupils, $6
  
• SW0526 Anakin Skywalker (Dark Brown Legs, Headset), $8
  
• SW0618 Anakin Skywalker (Clone Trooper Head), head with teeth marks, no hair, $2
  
• SW1032 Han Solo, Blue Legs (20th Anniversary Torso), with stand/plaque, and blaster, $7
  
• SW1049 Poe Dameron (White Shirt), NEW, never assembled, $8
  
• SW1053 First Order Snowtrooper with Cape, NEW, never assembled, cape in unopened package, $7
  
• SW1090 Clone Trooper (Phase 1) - Large Blue Eyes, $8
  
• SW1090 Clone Trooper (Phase 1) - Large Blue Eyes, no helmet, two available, $5/ea
  
• SW1293 Baylan Skoll, new, never assembled, $16
  

OTHER SETS

• 10213 Shuttle Adventure WITH 10213sup-1 Supplemental Pack which strengthens the external tank, complete, baseplate and instructions included as well as instructions for the supplemental parts, no box, $210 shipped
• 40450 Amelia Earhart Tribute, used, with instructions, $17
• 71037-2 Minifigure, Series 24 (Complete Series of 12 Complete Minifigure Sets), $50
• 71045-2 Minifigure, Series 25 (Complete Series of 12 Complete Minifigure Sets), $50
• 76400 Hogwarts Carriage and Thestrals, BNIB, four available, $15/ea

MINIFIGURES

• BOB021 SpongeBob - Grin with Bottom Teeth, pants have teeth marks, $3
• COL02-3 Circus Ringmaster, Series 2 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), missing whip, $4
• COL02-4 Witch, Series 2 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), no legs, $5
• COL03-1 Fisherman, Series 3 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), $12
• COL03-1 Fisherman, Series 3 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), missing pole and string, $9
• COL03-4 Samurai Warrior, Series 3 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), stress marks on armor, two available, $5/ea
• COL03-7 Sumo Wrestler, Series 3 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), $4
• COL03-8 Mummy, Series 3 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), $4
• COL03-10 Tennis Player, Series 3 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), $4
• COL03-12 Gorilla Suit Guy, Series 3 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), missing head and stand, $10
• COL05-3 Royal Guard, Series 5 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), $5
• COL05-8 Lumberjack, Series 5 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), missing axe, $4
• COL05-13 Boxer, Series 5 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), Head in fair condition, $3
• COL05-11 Detective, Series 5 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), $4
• COL06-1 Classic Alien, Series 6 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), no gun, $4
• COL06-16 Genie, Series 6 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), missing turban pin, $6
• COL07-2 Aztec Warrior, Series 7 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), $15
• COL07-5 Ocean King, Series 7 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), missing torso and stand, $10
• COL07-9 Tennis Ace, Series 7 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), missing hair, $4
• COL07-12 Computer Programmer, Series 7 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), $6
• COL07-15 Rocker Girl, Series 7 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), $5
• COL08-7 Downhill Skier, Series 8 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), missing one pole, $8
• COL08-13 Red Cheerleader, Series 8 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), missing one pom pom, $5
• COL10-4 Warrior Woman, Series 10 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), missing shield and stand, $4
• COL10-5 Tomahawk Warrior, Series 10 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), $5
• COL10-6 Skydiver, Series 10 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), $2
• COL10-9 Paintball Player, Series 10 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), no gun, $4
• COL10-9 Paintball Player, Series 10 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), no head, no gun, $3
• COL10-13 Baseball Fielder, Series 10 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), $4
• COL10-14 Trendsetter, Series 10 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), missing phone and dog, $7
• COL10-16 Motorcycle Mechanic, Series 10 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), no hat, $2
• COL11-10 Welder, Series 11 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), missing welding tank brick, $4
• COL12-13 Swashbuckler, Series 12 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), missing sword, $4
• COL12-16 Spooky Girl, Series 12 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), $9
• COL16-5 Spooky Boy, Series 16 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), $4
• col23-1 Nutcracker, Series 23 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), new, never assembled, straight out of the package, two available $6/ea
• col23-3 Snowman, Series 23 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), new, never assembled, straight out of the package, $5
• col24-4 Carrot Mascot, Series 24 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), new, never assembled, straight out of the package, two available, $4/ea
• col24-6 T-Rex Costume Fan, Series 24 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), new, never assembled, straight out of the package, $5
• col24-11 Rockin' Horse Rider, Series 24 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), new, never assembled, straight out of the package, $4
• Col25-1 Film Noir Detective, Series 25 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), NEW straight out of the box into a baggie; includes extra pieces, if available, two available, $5/ea
• col25-2 E-Sports Gamer, Series 25 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), NEW straight out of the box into a baggie; includes extra pieces, if available, two available, $5/ea
• col25-6 Mushroom Sprite, Series 25 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), NEW straight out of the box into a baggie; includes extra pieces, if available, two available, $5/ea
• col25-7 Fitness Instructor, Series 25 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), NEW straight out of the box into a baggie; includes extra pieces, if available, $5
• col25-10 Train Kid, Series 25 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), NEW straight out of the box into a baggie; includes extra pieces, if available, $5
• col25-12 Pet Groomer, Series 25 (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories, NEW straight out of the box into a baggie; includes extra pieces, if available, two available, $5/ea
• coltm-1 Rowlf the Dog, The Muppets (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), $4
• coltm-2 Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, The Muppets (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), $4
• coltm-4 Gonzo, The Muppets (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), $4
• coltm-5 Kermit the Frog, The Muppets (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), $9
• coltm-7 Fozzie Bear, The Muppets (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), $4
• coltm-10 Statler, The Muppets (Complete Set with Stand and Accessories), $4
• GEN038 Skeleton, Fantasy Era Torso with Standard Skull, Mechanical Arms Bent, $2
• GS003 Winged Mosquitoid, no antennae or wings, $5
• HP093 Professor Minerva McGonagall, Dark Green Robe and Cape, no legs, $8
• HP096 Professor Filius Flitwick, $6
• HP097 Argus Filch, $7
• HP099 Albus Dumbledore, Sand Blue Outfit with Silver Embroidery, no head, $5
• HP101 Dementor, Black Cloak and Hood, two available, $7/ea
• HP101 Dementor, Black Cloak and Hood, missing legs, two available, $6/ea
• HP111 Rubeus Hagrid, Dark Brown Topcoat with Buttons (Light Nougat Version with Movable Hands), $5
• HP117 Goblin, Light Bluish Gray Legs, $7
• HP119 Garrick Ollivander, Bushy Hair with Bangs, $7
• HP121 Hermione Granger, Light Bluish Gray Sweater, no legs, $7
• HP126 Narcissa Malfoy, no hair, $6
• HP131 Professor Pomona Sprout, no hat, $6
• HP309 Professor Gilderoy Lockhart, Nougat Torso and Legs, no head, $5
• IDEA007 Classic Space - Green with Airtanks and Motorcycle (Standard) Helmet with Visor (Pete), $32
• MOF003 Werewolf, $5
• NJO018 Zane DX, no head wrap, $2
• NJO020 Chopov, $2
• NJO026 Wu Sensei - Black Kimono with Gold Symbols, Dark Bluish Gray Sash, Tan Asian Hat, White Beard, $3
• NJO031 Zane ZX - Shoulder Armor, $3
• NJO034 Jay ZX, $2
• NJO048 Fangdam, $5
• NJO062 Bytar, $3
• NJO063 Snike, $3
• POC001 Captain Jack Sparrow, $4/ea
• POC001 Captain Jack Sparrow, no hair, two available, $3/ea
• POC004 Hector Barbossa, mark on bottom of neck, $15
• POC005 Admiral Norrington, $14
• POC007 Blackbeard, $19
• POC009 Cannibal 2, $5
• POC009 Cannibal 2, no head, $4
• POC014 Gunner Zombie, three available, $2/ea
• POC014 Gunner Zombie, missing one arm, $2
• POC016 Coachman, $9
• POC017 Joshamee Gibbs, $12
• POC019 King George's Soldier, $14
• POC020 Mermaid, Curved Tail, $18
• POC021 Philip Swift, $10
• POC023 Scrum, two available, $5/ea
• POC025 Mermaid Syrena, $24
• POC026 Will Turner, two available, $10/ea
• POC026 Will Turner, no head, $7/ea
• POC027 Yeoman Zombie, $3
• POC028 Hector Barbossa with Pegleg, $12
• POP006 Setam - Claw Hassansin, $3
• SH007 Two-Face, Orange and Purple Suit, $14
• SH008 The Riddler, Bowler Hat, $5
• SH012 Lex Luthor, $3
• SH016 Batman - Black Suit with Yellow Belt and Crest (Type 1 Cowl), $4
• SH025a Batman - Light Bluish Gray Suit with Yellow Belt and Crest, Dark Blue Mask and Cape (Type 2 Cowl), $5
• SH030 Chitauri Foot Soldier, $2
• SH030 Chitauri Foot Soldier, no head, $2
• SH046 Batman - Electro Suit, $4
• SH071 Extremis Soldier, $3
• SH099 Falcon - Red, $6
• SH101 MODOK, $6
• SH120 The Sakaaran, $3
• SH165 Ultron Sentry Officer, with accessories, $3
• SH166 Ultron Sentry, $2
• TLR001 Lone Ranger, $2
• TLR002 Tonto, $4
• TLR008 Butch Cavendish, $12
• TLR013 Danny Reid, $5
• TLR015 Latham Cole, missing head, $8
• TLR016 Captain J. Fuller, $28
• UAGT002 Tremor, missing helmet, one gorilla fist, $5
• UAGT004 Adam Acid, $2
• UAGT006 Agent Caila Phoenix, $3
• UAGT008 Psyclone, fig only, no attachments, $4
• UAGT009 Infearno, missing one 98313 and two 3062b, $6
• UAGT011 Toxikita, no hair, $13
• UAGT012 Retox, $3
• UAGT014 Astor City Scientist, $7
• WR001 Team X-treme Daredevil 1 (REX-treme) - Dirtbike Helmet, two available, $2/ea
• WR005 Team X-treme Daredevil 2 (DEX-treme) - Sports Helmet, $2
• WR010 Backyard Blaster 2 (Bubba Blaster) - Standard Helmet, $2
• WR010 Backyard Blaster 2 (Bubba Blaster) - Standard Helmet, no head, $2
• WR011 Team X-treme Daredevil 3 (MAX-treme) - Dirtbike Helmet, no helmet, $2

MISC PARTS & STICKERS

• 6131pb05 Minifigure, Headgear Hat, Wizard / Witch with Black HP Sorting Hat Pattern, $4
• 42158stk01 Sticker Sheet for Set 42158, Sheet 1 - (10104792/6451501), complete, $2
• 42158stk02 Sticker Sheet for Set 42158, Sheet 2, Mirrored - (10104441/6445623), missing one #13 and #14, $1
• 59349pb095 Panel 1 x 6 x 5 with Commemorative Toys R Us Force Friday Star Wars September 4th 2015 Promotional Pattern, New in bag, $5
• 61189pb02, Minifigure, Headgear Helmet SW Clone Trooper with Holes, Blue Stripe Pattern, poor condition, heavy wear, marker and teeth marks, $10
• 75357stk01, Sticker Sheet for Set 75357, Sheet 1 - (10105341/6462872), missing one #1 sticker, $3
• 75357stk02 Sticker Sheet for Set 75357, Sheet 2 - (10105342/6462877), new, complete, $5
• 76371pbXXX Duplo, Brick 1 x 2 x 2 with Bottom Tube with Grand Opening 2023 LEGO Discovery Center WASHINGTON D.C. Pattern, used, four available, $10/ea
• 87058 White Train Base 6 x 34 Split-Level without Bottom Tubes, $4
• 95204pb01 Alien Clinger with White Eye with Black Pupil Pattern, $2

INSTRUCTIONS

• 7663 Sith Infiltrator, instructions ONLY, $8 shipped
• 7749 Echo Base, instructions ONLY, $5 shipped
• 21110 Research Institute, instructions ONLY, $8 shipped
• 75040 General Grievous' Wheel Bike, instructions ONLY, $5 shipped
• 75156 Krennic's Imperial Shuttle, instructions ONLY, $10 shipped
• 75244 Tantive IV, instructions ONLY, $26 shipped
• 75249 Resistance Y-Wing Starfighter, instructions ONLY, $7 shipped

This is gonna be a really long one, sorry! And by long I mean really really long. I'm gonna try to give as much detail as I can because I want to know if I'm being dramatic or if I'm right. I'm also writing on mobile so sorry for any spelling mistakes or auto correct stuff. I put it through spell check on google docs though so maybe it'll help.
I (17 F) and my friend (17 F), who I'll call Jade have been friends for about 5 years now. We've grown really close and have a lot of the same friends. But recently things have started getting worse and I don't know if I can keep being friends with her.
Jade has always been kinda self centered. She has always been very much a "I'm prettier than them" or "they're just jealous of me" kinda person. I've ignored it for a long time and brushed it off but because of recent stuff I've started to realize she might be a bit toxic. I don't like using that word but I don't really know what else to call it since I don't think abusive fits.
I guess I'll start with when I first started to notice her behavior, which was about three years ago, or at least that's as far back as I can remember. Jade is very obsessive and possessive with certain people. Back then It was mainly just their best friend, Aya. Aya is very shy and non confrontational. Jade is completely different. Jade is very confrontational and usually isn't afraid to say things straight to people's faces or cause a fight. Jade and Aya kept connected through quarantine, unlike most of us, mainly because we were in 7th grade when it hit and didn't have everyone's socials. Since then Jade has become very possessive over Aya and when they talk about them it sounds more like they're talking about an object and refer to them as their "stuff" which I'll talk more about later since that happened much more recently. We have a group of four, me and my best friend, Lee, along with Jade and Aya and sometimes another person who we later cut off for sexually harassing someone. We've been really close and have had that be our main friend group for years now. Jade however, would always be really weird when anyone, even me or Lee talked to Aya. I remember trying to talk to them and Jade would walk up hug them and glare at me and say "that's MY best friend" and I'd tell them I knew and I wasn't trying to steal them and it got to the point I was scared to talk to Aya without Jade getting mad at me for "stealing" them.
We're in highschool so obviously dramas gonna happen, that's just life. There's been a lot of drama with other people and Jade always wants to shit talk the people they have drama. And that's whatever, people shit talk people and if you have a person starting drama with you it's gonna happen, it's highschool. Jade however, goes a bit too far with it in my opinion. I don't really like making fun of people for appearances with a few exceptions for people who I genuinely hate with are only really two people and they both committed literal crimes against animals and ones in jail for it, but that's not important. Jade almost always goes after the way people look. It's always about their looks, weight, make up, hair, or literally anything physical. It makes me kinda uncomfortable, especially when they make fun of people for being overweight, since I myself am overweight and it's something I've been struggling to fix for years.
Not too much happened last year other than the drama, not much different, but this year definitely was. This year Jade got a boyfriend. Jades dated a lot of people, and a lot have been abusive or bad before, but most were long distance. But a few months ago, we hung out with this guy, Jack, for the first time. Jack moved here last year from a state over. Jack and Jade started dating not long after and have been for about 7 months now. For Jade, this has been one of the healthiest relationships she's had, as this is the first one that actually cared for her and treated her well. For Jack however, it's been really unhealthy. Jade has been very, very obsessive with him, maybe even more than with Aya. She constantly wants his attention, to the point that he has no free time at all. He can't even work because of it. He plays games and then sells the accounts when they get really buffed up, but he can't play games because she cries and gets upset that he "ignores'' her. He had to make it so she chose two days a week to be days for him to spend completely with her and she did but now she just calls him and stays on the phone with him all day when she's not with him and gets really upset when he doesn't answer. He's started faking being sick or asleep or sometimes just straight ignoring her calls because he just wants time to be alone. And when he finally does get time to be alone and okay with his friends alone online without her calling, he can see her checking if he's still paying through her Xbox the whole time.
She's also controlling about who he can talk to. If someone's a little too friendly or is closer to him, she makes him block them or cut them off. She even got mad that he had a friend in his paintball group who's a girl that he hangs out with. He's not into her nor is she into him and they haven't even shown interest in each other as more than friends in the slightest, but she still got mad. She won't even let him talk to Aya. He used to like Aya before he liked her and Aya also liked him, and Jade knew. Jade however, didn't tell either and instead got together with him, she even admitted to this infront of Aya, but when Aya got upset, she just hugged her and told her she loved her, all while smiling. Im not sure how Aya felt after that, but Aya isnt confrontational and absolutely wouldn't say anything to her, but it still feels kinda fucked. So she gets mad whenever they talk to each other. Despite this, she also used to like Aya, and Aya also used to like her, but neither knew until they didn’t anymore.
Another thing that she does is hit, kick, and pinch him. She just does it all the time, especially if he annoys her or something. He hasn't seemed too bothered by it but I know she's also done it to the others she's dated in person. It's been brought up before but she said it was because of her add, which she's been diagnosed with.
A couple weeks ago Jack got sick in class and spent the whole class throwing up in the bathroom, but Jade got upset and started ignoring him and eventually crying because he wasn't hanging out with her after school so he could go to the doctor. That was pretty much the thing that's caused him to decide that if she does anything this week, he's breaking up with her on the spot.
Jade has also had problems with me. One thing Jade got mad at me for was that I made comments about her driving. Jade drives very recklessly. She goes usually about 30 over the limit and is just generally reckless with it and I made some jokes about it mainly because I was scared because I'm a passenger and she's only been driving a year. But still, she got extremely upset about it and had Jack tell me to stop instead of doing it herself. And I did, I stopped. I found out recently from him that it was actually a whole lot more than that but I don't know yet what exactly. I have suspicions about some stuff but I'm not sure yet. He suggested we stop being friends but she said no since we've been friends for so long. It just makes me confused because why do you wanna be friends if you don't like me at all? What's the point? She talks all the time about boundaries and communication but doesn't do it at all herself. She never tells me her boundaries unless it's already been broken. Sometimes she'll even get upset about things and then not even tell me she is. For example, we were at lunch and her lunchbox was on the table in front of my seat so moved it a bit to the side and she said not to move it in a kinda whiney voice, but other than that, she didn't say anything. I found out from Jack yesterday that she came home crying because I "just don't follow boundaries and I keep telling her but she just doesn't listen" but she has never once said that and even then, I just wanted to sit my tray down.
I'm not sure if she's mad at me for talking to Jack as well, but I might ask tomorrow.
She also just gets mad at people all the time for anything. I don't think there has beena person she hasn't been really mad at for something, not even Aya or Jack.
There's so many other things but I'm tired and it's 2 am. I'm just getting kinda sick of her dictating my life and I don't know what to do. She's so controlling and it feels like she only cares about me when it's convenient. It feels like she just wants people who will praise her for everything and I hate it. I want to have my own friends, even if they aren't hers or she doesn't like them. I want to be able to talk to Jack and Aya without being paranoid shell hate me because they're also my friends. I want to not be constantly worried that she hates my body or the way I look. I want to be comfortable around my friends but I've realized I'm almost never comfortable around her, or at least not entirely. But I know if I stop being friends with her, I can't be friends with Aya. Not because Aya will leave me, but because Jade won't let her be. And Aya is one of my best friends and I really don't wanna lose her.
I want to get better and be better friends and I want to fix what's wrong but I can't without her telling me. It's just starting to get too much and I can't take it much longer. I have a severe anxiety disorder and I'm nervous that I'm in the wrong and maybe I'm just dramatic. I know we're teens and in highschool so stuff kinda just happens and it may just be a lot less toxic than I think it is so I think I just need brutal honesty.
Also, for added context, Jade suspects she had bpd, which could explain her obsession and constantly switching up as well as other stuff. Specifically with favorite people, which if you don't know what a favorite person is for bpd, look it up
Tldr: my friend, Jade, is extremely controlling of her boyfriend and best friend, as well as the rest of our friend group and people are starting to get sick of it but I'm not sure if we're in the right

This is gonna be a really long one, sorry! And by long I mean really really long. I'm gonna try to give as much detail as I can because I want to know if I'm being dramatic or if I'm right. I'm also writing on mobile so sorry for any spelling mistakes or auto correct stuff. I put it through spell check on google docs though so maybe it'll help.
I (17 F) and my friend (17 F), who I'll call Jade have been friends for about 5 years now. We've grown really close and have a lot of the same friends. But recently things have started getting worse and I don't know if I can keep being friends with her.
Jade has always been kinda self centered. She has always been very much a "I'm prettier than them" or "they're just jealous of me" kinda person. I've ignored it for a long time and brushed it off but because of recent stuff I've started to realize she might be a bit toxic. I don't like using that word but I don't really know what else to call it since I don't think abusive fits.
I guess I'll start with when I first started to notice her behavior, which was about three years ago, or at least that's as far back as I can remember. Jade is very obsessive and possessive with certain people. Back then It was mainly just their best friend, Aya. Aya is very shy and non confrontational. Jade is completely different. Jade is very confrontational and usually isn't afraid to say things straight to people's faces or cause a fight. Jade and Aya kept connected through quarantine, unlike most of us, mainly because we were in 7th grade when it hit and didn't have everyone's socials. Since then Jade has become very possessive over Aya and when they talk about them it sounds more like they're talking about an object and refer to them as their "stuff" which I'll talk more about later since that happened much more recently. We have a group of four, me and my best friend, Lee, along with Jade and Aya and sometimes another person who we later cut off for sexually harassing someone. We've been really close and have had that be our main friend group for years now. Jade however, would always be really weird when anyone, even me or Lee talked to Aya. I remember trying to talk to them and Jade would walk up hug them and glare at me and say "that's MY best friend" and I'd tell them I knew and I wasn't trying to steal them and it got to the point I was scared to talk to Aya without Jade getting mad at me for "stealing" them.
We're in highschool so obviously dramas gonna happen, that's just life. There's been a lot of drama with other people and Jade always wants to shit talk the people they have drama. And that's whatever, people shit talk people and if you have a person starting drama with you it's gonna happen, it's highschool. Jade however, goes a bit too far with it in my opinion. I don't really like making fun of people for appearances with a few exceptions for people who I genuinely hate with are only really two people and they both committed literal crimes against animals and ones in jail for it, but that's not important. Jade almost always goes after the way people look. It's always about their looks, weight, make up, hair, or literally anything physical. It makes me kinda uncomfortable, especially when they make fun of people for being overweight, since I myself am overweight and it's something I've been struggling to fix for years.
Not too much happened last year other than the drama, not much different, but this year definitely was. This year Jade got a boyfriend. Jades dated a lot of people, and a lot have been abusive or bad before, but most were long distance. But a few months ago, we hung out with this guy, Jack, for the first time. Jack moved here last year from a state over. Jack and Jade started dating not long after and have been for about 7 months now. For Jade, this has been one of the healthiest relationships she's had, as this is the first one that actually cared for her and treated her well. For Jack however, it's been really unhealthy. Jade has been very, very obsessive with him, maybe even more than with Aya. She constantly wants his attention, to the point that he has no free time at all. He can't even work because of it. He plays games and then sells the accounts when they get really buffed up, but he can't play games because she cries and gets upset that he "ignores'' her. He had to make it so she chose two days a week to be days for him to spend completely with her and she did but now she just calls him and stays on the phone with him all day when she's not with him and gets really upset when he doesn't answer. He's started faking being sick or asleep or sometimes just straight ignoring her calls because he just wants time to be alone. And when he finally does get time to be alone and okay with his friends alone online without her calling, he can see her checking if he's still paying through her Xbox the whole time.
She's also controlling about who he can talk to. If someone's a little too friendly or is closer to him, she makes him block them or cut them off. She even got mad that he had a friend in his paintball group who's a girl that he hangs out with. He's not into her nor is she into him and they haven't even shown interest in each other as more than friends in the slightest, but she still got mad. She won't even let him talk to Aya. He used to like Aya before he liked her and Aya also liked him, and Jade knew. Jade however, didn't tell either and instead got together with him, she even admitted to this infront of Aya, but when Aya got upset, she just hugged her and told her she loved her, all while smiling. Im not sure how Aya felt after that, but Aya isnt confrontational and absolutely wouldn't say anything to her, but it still feels kinda fucked. So she gets mad whenever they talk to each other. Despite this, she also used to like Aya, and Aya also used to like her, but neither knew until they didn’t anymore.
Another thing that she does is hit, kick, and pinch him. She just does it all the time, especially if he annoys her or something. He hasn't seemed too bothered by it but I know she's also done it to the others she's dated in person. It's been brought up before but she said it was because of her add, which she's been diagnosed with.
A couple weeks ago Jack got sick in class and spent the whole class throwing up in the bathroom, but Jade got upset and started ignoring him and eventually crying because he wasn't hanging out with her after school so he could go to the doctor. That was pretty much the thing that's caused him to decide that if she does anything this week, he's breaking up with her on the spot.
Jade has also had problems with me. One thing Jade got mad at me for was that I made comments about her driving. Jade drives very recklessly. She goes usually about 30 over the limit and is just generally reckless with it and I made some jokes about it mainly because I was scared because I'm a passenger and she's only been driving a year. But still, she got extremely upset about it and had Jack tell me to stop instead of doing it herself. And I did, I stopped. I found out recently from him that it was actually a whole lot more than that but I don't know yet what exactly. I have suspicions about some stuff but I'm not sure yet. He suggested we stop being friends but she said no since we've been friends for so long. It just makes me confused because why do you wanna be friends if you don't like me at all? What's the point? She talks all the time about boundaries and communication but doesn't do it at all herself. She never tells me her boundaries unless it's already been broken. Sometimes she'll even get upset about things and then not even tell me she is. For example, we were at lunch and her lunchbox was on the table in front of my seat so moved it a bit to the side and she said not to move it in a kinda whiney voice, but other than that, she didn't say anything. I found out from Jack yesterday that she came home crying because I "just don't follow boundaries and I keep telling her but she just doesn't listen" but she has never once said that and even then, I just wanted to sit my tray down.
I'm not sure if she's mad at me for talking to Jack as well, but I might ask tomorrow.
She also just gets mad at people all the time for anything. I don't think there has beena person she hasn't been really mad at for something, not even Aya or Jack.
There's so many other things but I'm tired and it's 2 am. I'm just getting kinda sick of her dictating my life and I don't know what to do. She's so controlling and it feels like she only cares about me when it's convenient. It feels like she just wants people who will praise her for everything and I hate it. I want to have my own friends, even if they aren't hers or she doesn't like them. I want to be able to talk to Jack and Aya without being paranoid shell hate me because they're also my friends. I want to not be constantly worried that she hates my body or the way I look. I want to be comfortable around my friends but I've realized I'm almost never comfortable around her, or at least not entirely. But I know if I stop being friends with her, I can't be friends with Aya. Not because Aya will leave me, but because Jade won't let her be. And Aya is one of my best friends and I really don't wanna lose her.
I want to get better and be better friends and I want to fix what's wrong but I can't without her telling me. It's just starting to get too much and I can't take it much longer. I have a severe anxiety disorder and I'm nervous that I'm in the wrong and maybe I'm just dramatic. I know we're teens and in highschool so stuff kinda just happens and it may just be a lot less toxic than I think it is so I think I just need brutal honesty.
Also, for added context, Jade suspects she had bpd, which could explain her obsession and constantly switching up as well as other stuff. Specifically with favorite people, which if you don't know what a favorite person is for bpd, look it up
Tldr: my friend, Jade, is extremely controlling of her boyfriend and best friend, as well as the rest of our friend group and people are starting to get sick of it but I'm not sure if we're in the right

This is gonna be a really long one, sorry! And by long I mean really really long. I'm gonna try to give as much detail as I can because I want to know if I'm being dramatic or if I'm right. I'm also writing on mobile so sorry for any spelling mistakes or auto correct stuff. I put it through spell check on google docs though so maybe it'll help.
I (17 F) and my friend (17 F), who I'll call Jade have been friends for about 5 years now. We've grown really close and have a lot of the same friends. But recently things have started getting worse and I don't know if I can keep being friends with her.
Jade has always been kinda self centered. She has always been very much a "I'm prettier than them" or "they're just jealous of me" kinda person. I've ignored it for a long time and brushed it off but because of recent stuff I've started to realize she might be a bit toxic. I don't like using that word but I don't really know what else to call it since I don't think abusive fits.
I guess I'll start with when I first started to notice her behavior, which was about three years ago, or at least that's as far back as I can remember. Jade is very obsessive and possessive with certain people. Back then It was mainly just their best friend, Aya. Aya is very shy and non confrontational. Jade is completely different. Jade is very confrontational and usually isn't afraid to say things straight to people's faces or cause a fight. Jade and Aya kept connected through quarantine, unlike most of us, mainly because we were in 7th grade when it hit and didn't have everyone's socials. Since then Jade has become very possessive over Aya and when they talk about them it sounds more like they're talking about an object and refer to them as their "stuff" which I'll talk more about later since that happened much more recently. We have a group of four, me and my best friend, Lee, along with Jade and Aya and sometimes another person who we later cut off for sexually harassing someone. We've been really close and have had that be our main friend group for years now. Jade however, would always be really weird when anyone, even me or Lee talked to Aya. I remember trying to talk to them and Jade would walk up hug them and glare at me and say "that's MY best friend" and I'd tell them I knew and I wasn't trying to steal them and it got to the point I was scared to talk to Aya without Jade getting mad at me for "stealing" them.
We're in highschool so obviously dramas gonna happen, that's just life. There's been a lot of drama with other people and Jade always wants to shit talk the people they have drama. And that's whatever, people shit talk people and if you have a person starting drama with you it's gonna happen, it's highschool. Jade however, goes a bit too far with it in my opinion. I don't really like making fun of people for appearances with a few exceptions for people who I genuinely hate with are only really two people and they both committed literal crimes against animals and ones in jail for it, but that's not important. Jade almost always goes after the way people look. It's always about their looks, weight, make up, hair, or literally anything physical. It makes me kinda uncomfortable, especially when they make fun of people for being overweight, since I myself am overweight and it's something I've been struggling to fix for years.
Not too much happened last year other than the drama, not much different, but this year definitely was. This year Jade got a boyfriend. Jades dated a lot of people, and a lot have been abusive or bad before, but most were long distance. But a few months ago, we hung out with this guy, Jack, for the first time. Jack moved here last year from a state over. Jack and Jade started dating not long after and have been for about 7 months now. For Jade, this has been one of the healthiest relationships she's had, as this is the first one that actually cared for her and treated her well. For Jack however, it's been really unhealthy. Jade has been very, very obsessive with him, maybe even more than with Aya. She constantly wants his attention, to the point that he has no free time at all. He can't even work because of it. He plays games and then sells the accounts when they get really buffed up, but he can't play games because she cries and gets upset that he "ignores'' her. He had to make it so she chose two days a week to be days for him to spend completely with her and she did but now she just calls him and stays on the phone with him all day when she's not with him and gets really upset when he doesn't answer. He's started faking being sick or asleep or sometimes just straight ignoring her calls because he just wants time to be alone. And when he finally does get time to be alone and okay with his friends alone online without her calling, he can see her checking if he's still paying through her Xbox the whole time.
She's also controlling about who he can talk to. If someone's a little too friendly or is closer to him, she makes him block them or cut them off. She even got mad that he had a friend in his paintball group who's a girl that he hangs out with. He's not into her nor is she into him and they haven't even shown interest in each other as more than friends in the slightest, but she still got mad. She won't even let him talk to Aya. He used to like Aya before he liked her and Aya also liked him, and Jade knew. Jade however, didn't tell either and instead got together with him, she even admitted to this infront of Aya, but when Aya got upset, she just hugged her and told her she loved her, all while smiling. Im not sure how Aya felt after that, but Aya isnt confrontational and absolutely wouldn't say anything to her, but it still feels kinda fucked. So she gets mad whenever they talk to each other. Despite this, she also used to like Aya, and Aya also used to like her, but neither knew until they didn’t anymore.
Another thing that she does is hit, kick, and pinch him. She just does it all the time, especially if he annoys her or something. He hasn't seemed too bothered by it but I know she's also done it to the others she's dated in person. It's been brought up before but she said it was because of her add, which she's been diagnosed with.
A couple weeks ago Jack got sick in class and spent the whole class throwing up in the bathroom, but Jade got upset and started ignoring him and eventually crying because he wasn't hanging out with her after school so he could go to the doctor. That was pretty much the thing that's caused him to decide that if she does anything this week, he's breaking up with her on the spot.
Jade has also had problems with me. One thing Jade got mad at me for was that I made comments about her driving. Jade drives very recklessly. She goes usually about 30 over the limit and is just generally reckless with it and I made some jokes about it mainly because I was scared because I'm a passenger and she's only been driving a year. But still, she got extremely upset about it and had Jack tell me to stop instead of doing it herself. And I did, I stopped. I found out recently from him that it was actually a whole lot more than that but I don't know yet what exactly. I have suspicions about some stuff but I'm not sure yet. He suggested we stop being friends but she said no since we've been friends for so long. It just makes me confused because why do you wanna be friends if you don't like me at all? What's the point? She talks all the time about boundaries and communication but doesn't do it at all herself. She never tells me her boundaries unless it's already been broken. Sometimes she'll even get upset about things and then not even tell me she is. For example, we were at lunch and her lunchbox was on the table in front of my seat so moved it a bit to the side and she said not to move it in a kinda whiney voice, but other than that, she didn't say anything. I found out from Jack yesterday that she came home crying because I "just don't follow boundaries and I keep telling her but she just doesn't listen" but she has never once said that and even then, I just wanted to sit my tray down.
I'm not sure if she's mad at me for talking to Jack as well, but I might ask tomorrow.
She also just gets mad at people all the time for anything. I don't think there has beena person she hasn't been really mad at for something, not even Aya or Jack.
There's so many other things but I'm tired and it's 2 am. I'm just getting kinda sick of her dictating my life and I don't know what to do. She's so controlling and it feels like she only cares about me when it's convenient. It feels like she just wants people who will praise her for everything and I hate it. I want to have my own friends, even if they aren't hers or she doesn't like them. I want to be able to talk to Jack and Aya without being paranoid shell hate me because they're also my friends. I want to not be constantly worried that she hates my body or the way I look. I want to be comfortable around my friends but I've realized I'm almost never comfortable around her, or at least not entirely. But I know if I stop being friends with her, I can't be friends with Aya. Not because Aya will leave me, but because Jade won't let her be. And Aya is one of my best friends and I really don't wanna lose her.
I want to get better and be better friends and I want to fix what's wrong but I can't without her telling me. It's just starting to get too much and I can't take it much longer. I have a severe anxiety disorder and I'm nervous that I'm in the wrong and maybe I'm just dramatic. I know we're teens and in highschool so stuff kinda just happens and it may just be a lot less toxic than I think it is so I think I just need brutal honesty.
Also, for added context, Jade suspects she had bpd, which could explain her obsession and constantly switching up as well as other stuff. Specifically with favorite people, which if you don't know what a favorite person is for bpd, look it up
Tldr: my friend, Jade, is extremely controlling of her boyfriend and best friend, as well as the rest of our friend group and people are starting to get sick of it but I'm not sure if we're in the right

This is gonna be a really long one, sorry! And by long I mean really really long. I'm gonna try to give as much detail as I can because I want to know if I'm being dramatic or if I'm right. I'm also writing on mobile so sorry for any spelling mistakes or auto correct stuff. I put it through spell check on google docs though so maybe it'll help.
I (17 F) and my friend (17 F), who I'll call Jade have been friends for about 5 years now. We've grown really close and have a lot of the same friends. But recently things have started getting worse and I don't know if I can keep being friends with her.
Jade has always been kinda self centered. She has always been very much a "I'm prettier than them" or "they're just jealous of me" kinda person. I've ignored it for a long time and brushed it off but because of recent stuff I've started to realize she might be a bit toxic. I don't like using that word but I don't really know what else to call it since I don't think abusive fits.
I guess I'll start with when I first started to notice her behavior, which was about three years ago, or at least that's as far back as I can remember. Jade is very obsessive and possessive with certain people. Back then It was mainly just their best friend, Aya. Aya is very shy and non confrontational. Jade is completely different. Jade is very confrontational and usually isn't afraid to say things straight to people's faces or cause a fight. Jade and Aya kept connected through quarantine, unlike most of us, mainly because we were in 7th grade when it hit and didn't have everyone's socials. Since then Jade has become very possessive over Aya and when they talk about them it sounds more like they're talking about an object and refer to them as their "stuff" which I'll talk more about later since that happened much more recently. We have a group of four, me and my best friend, Lee, along with Jade and Aya and sometimes another person who we later cut off for sexually harassing someone. We've been really close and have had that be our main friend group for years now. Jade however, would always be really weird when anyone, even me or Lee talked to Aya. I remember trying to talk to them and Jade would walk up hug them and glare at me and say "that's MY best friend" and I'd tell them I knew and I wasn't trying to steal them and it got to the point I was scared to talk to Aya without Jade getting mad at me for "stealing" them.
We're in highschool so obviously dramas gonna happen, that's just life. There's been a lot of drama with other people and Jade always wants to shit talk the people they have drama. And that's whatever, people shit talk people and if you have a person starting drama with you it's gonna happen, it's highschool. Jade however, goes a bit too far with it in my opinion. I don't really like making fun of people for appearances with a few exceptions for people who I genuinely hate with are only really two people and they both committed literal crimes against animals and ones in jail for it, but that's not important. Jade almost always goes after the way people look. It's always about their looks, weight, make up, hair, or literally anything physical. It makes me kinda uncomfortable, especially when they make fun of people for being overweight, since I myself am overweight and it's something I've been struggling to fix for years.
Not too much happened last year other than the drama, not much different, but this year definitely was. This year Jade got a boyfriend. Jades dated a lot of people, and a lot have been abusive or bad before, but most were long distance. But a few months ago, we hung out with this guy, Jack, for the first time. Jack moved here last year from a state over. Jack and Jade started dating not long after and have been for about 7 months now. For Jade, this has been one of the healthiest relationships she's had, as this is the first one that actually cared for her and treated her well. For Jack however, it's been really unhealthy. Jade has been very, very obsessive with him, maybe even more than with Aya. She constantly wants his attention, to the point that he has no free time at all. He can't even work because of it. He plays games and then sells the accounts when they get really buffed up, but he can't play games because she cries and gets upset that he "ignores'' her. He had to make it so she chose two days a week to be days for him to spend completely with her and she did but now she just calls him and stays on the phone with him all day when she's not with him and gets really upset when he doesn't answer. He's started faking being sick or asleep or sometimes just straight ignoring her calls because he just wants time to be alone. And when he finally does get time to be alone and okay with his friends alone online without her calling, he can see her checking if he's still paying through her Xbox the whole time.
She's also controlling about who he can talk to. If someone's a little too friendly or is closer to him, she makes him block them or cut them off. She even got mad that he had a friend in his paintball group who's a girl that he hangs out with. He's not into her nor is she into him and they haven't even shown interest in each other as more than friends in the slightest, but she still got mad. She won't even let him talk to Aya. He used to like Aya before he liked her and Aya also liked him, and Jade knew. Jade however, didn't tell either and instead got together with him, she even admitted to this infront of Aya, but when Aya got upset, she just hugged her and told her she loved her, all while smiling. Im not sure how Aya felt after that, but Aya isnt confrontational and absolutely wouldn't say anything to her, but it still feels kinda fucked. So she gets mad whenever they talk to each other. Despite this, she also used to like Aya, and Aya also used to like her, but neither knew until they didn’t anymore.
Another thing that she does is hit, kick, and pinch him. She just does it all the time, especially if he annoys her or something. He hasn't seemed too bothered by it but I know she's also done it to the others she's dated in person. It's been brought up before but she said it was because of her add, which she's been diagnosed with.
A couple weeks ago Jack got sick in class and spent the whole class throwing up in the bathroom, but Jade got upset and started ignoring him and eventually crying because he wasn't hanging out with her after school so he could go to the doctor. That was pretty much the thing that's caused him to decide that if she does anything this week, he's breaking up with her on the spot.
Jade has also had problems with me. One thing Jade got mad at me for was that I made comments about her driving. Jade drives very recklessly. She goes usually about 30 over the limit and is just generally reckless with it and I made some jokes about it mainly because I was scared because I'm a passenger and she's only been driving a year. But still, she got extremely upset about it and had Jack tell me to stop instead of doing it herself. And I did, I stopped. I found out recently from him that it was actually a whole lot more than that but I don't know yet what exactly. I have suspicions about some stuff but I'm not sure yet. He suggested we stop being friends but she said no since we've been friends for so long. It just makes me confused because why do you wanna be friends if you don't like me at all? What's the point? She talks all the time about boundaries and communication but doesn't do it at all herself. She never tells me her boundaries unless it's already been broken. Sometimes she'll even get upset about things and then not even tell me she is. For example, we were at lunch and her lunchbox was on the table in front of my seat so moved it a bit to the side and she said not to move it in a kinda whiney voice, but other than that, she didn't say anything. I found out from Jack yesterday that she came home crying because I "just don't follow boundaries and I keep telling her but she just doesn't listen" but she has never once said that and even then, I just wanted to sit my tray down.
I'm not sure if she's mad at me for talking to Jack as well, but I might ask tomorrow.
She also just gets mad at people all the time for anything. I don't think there has beena person she hasn't been really mad at for something, not even Aya or Jack.
There's so many other things but I'm tired and it's 2 am. I'm just getting kinda sick of her dictating my life and I don't know what to do. She's so controlling and it feels like she only cares about me when it's convenient. It feels like she just wants people who will praise her for everything and I hate it. I want to have my own friends, even if they aren't hers or she doesn't like them. I want to be able to talk to Jack and Aya without being paranoid shell hate me because they're also my friends. I want to not be constantly worried that she hates my body or the way I look. I want to be comfortable around my friends but I've realized I'm almost never comfortable around her, or at least not entirely. But I know if I stop being friends with her, I can't be friends with Aya. Not because Aya will leave me, but because Jade won't let her be. And Aya is one of my best friends and I really don't wanna lose her.
I want to get better and be better friends and I want to fix what's wrong but I can't without her telling me. It's just starting to get too much and I can't take it much longer. I have a severe anxiety disorder and I'm nervous that I'm in the wrong and maybe I'm just dramatic. I know we're teens and in highschool so stuff kinda just happens and it may just be a lot less toxic than I think it is so I think I just need brutal honesty.
Also, for added context, Jade suspects she had bpd, which could explain her obsession and constantly switching up as well as other stuff. Specifically with favorite people, which if you don't know what a favorite person is for bpd, look it up
Tldr: my friend, Jade, is extremely controlling of her boyfriend and best friend, as well as the rest of our friend group and people are starting to get sick of it but I'm not sure if we're in the right

TLDR at bottom- felt like taking the long road.
When I was a kid, I found one of my older brothers old disassembled paintball guns, a magazine, old masks, misc. gear, and was obsessed with trying to put it back together and getting it working again. I never succeeded as I couldn’t find the manual, and there’s no way all the parts were there in that dusty cabinet- not to mention I had NO clue what I was looking at; besides the body and grip, it was like a junk drawer. I later found out through a little research, it was a Brass Eagle Sting Ray, and from the looks of it- probably not worth the time or effort to restore, anyhow.
But what I think I most enjoyed, besides the fantasy, was looking through his old paintball mag (mid/early 90s), and the incredible variety of markers and gear they used to have. It seems like there was such variety in play style, and had markers and gear suited for each. (There were paint grenades, pistols, mines, shotguns, etc.) Economics and efficiency tend to rule everything, so I’m guessing there’s a correlation to sales, interest, variety, value, etc. and what options we get to play with today. Yet I’m still surprised to see so few brands dominate the market, and limited entry level (and total) options. Perhaps with popularity, will come more ingenuity/variety in geastyle.
I’ve observed paintball has more or less come in a few waves starting in late 80s, then mid to late 90s, then early 2000s, and from the looks of this forum lately- possibly now/soon (at least recreationally).
This perspective comes from an infrequent player who’s used high-end (at the time) electronic markers/hoppers- tippmans, maybe even a pump. I’d bet had I played consistently from start (early 00s) to now- I might find there to be more geamarker variety and interest than I may have demonstrated above. I look online and see a lot of places offering the same (entry lvl) gear and markers (mini gs, Etha3), and then prices shoot way up for high end markers (I have poor players perspective for price/value here, as I believe with practice or skill you can make any gear work, to a point anyway.) -But I don’t see too much else. The problem could just be my exposure is limited and basic- but i feel like today there’s a huge but limited gap in prices and quality, vs. what I can only vicariously/nostalgically believe was a large array of similar quality (probably low lol) markers, accessories, upgrades (often custom), and definitely more players. They have (probably more than I know) fields that run vintage gear games, pump, etc. which probably scratches that nostalgic itch for most- and bringing it on any given day. Or…airsoft.
TLDR
Cheers to the old days, and cheers to the new. I just got everything I need to get back in, including a new-ish e-marker, and a vintage (96) mech. Looking to have fun regardless of gear. I long for the 90s woodsball era gear variety and interest I’ve romanticized- but know it’s about fun and the game, not the gear, which there may be more of than I know.
Tell me your 90s/early 00s game/geafield stories
Thanks!

I'm going to preface this by saying I know the obvious answer is to leave. Like yesterday. I'm totally completely aware. I've done it before (several times), but he always finds a way to either threaten me to come back or manipulate me in ways I can't even explain because it's so hard to imagine myself to be so weak and ignorant. But, the main thing that's always in the back of my mind and I'm starting to believe it is I will never be able to get away from him. It's easy for other people to say to leave from the outside looking in to say leave. I'm too the point where I recognize that my inability to forgive the things he's done/continues to do over takes the unconditional love I've had for him. It's been so much it's going to be hard to even explain, but here goes..
Myself (28 F) have been with my abuser (38M) for going on 10 years. Since I was 19 years old. I was so young. To be honest. I had never had a serious relationship before him. Just casual hook ups, some of them ongoing for some time, but I never felt genuine love and comfort like I did in my abuser when we first met. We were inseparable from the start. We have maybe spent a total of less than a months worth of nights apart since we met in 2014. It took me while to let things get this out of hand with us. The first handful of incidents between us I can barely recall. I'm the most genuinely forgiving person. Maybe I've repressed them. Or maybe it's just had the ability to forgive him back then because I wasn't aware that every apology I'd recieve from him was just a manipulation tactic and not something that he intended to ensure never happened again, nor did he feel bad for his actions or what he's said. I do believe he has undiagnosed bipolar disorder with narcissistic personality disorder as well. Which I would have more respect for the entire situation if he would just stop projecting and accept it and seek help. I would continue to try to work on our relationship and be as supportive as I can to help him along the way. That should tell you how much love I have for him and how much I do care about him underneath at all. But he refuses any hint at getting help and projects his illness onto me.
Things started to get really bad after his Dad passed away in 2016. Which happened really quickly after he got diagnosed with UC a couple months prior. My abuser and I were the only ones home when he died. The scene was traumatic and likely also caused some PTSD for my abuser. The night before his Dad passed. I passed him in the hallway and he has to stop to catch his breath 3 times while trying to get back to his room from the bathroom. I asked him if he was okay? He responded with a stern, "I'm fine!" I knew that wasn't the case and I went back into our room and told my abuser that he needed to go in his Dad's room with his younger brother and tell him how much they love him and try to convince him to go to the hospital. He kind of brushed it off and said, "my mom has been on his ass all week to go to the doctor. He won't go to the hospital. But he has a doctors appointment in the morning." I explained what I witnessed in the hallway and told him that I'm afraid he may not make it until his doctors appointment.. he insisted that it wouldn't make a difference and I dropped the issue. To this day, I regret not going in to wake his mom up to get her to intervene and potentially he could have been still with us. You're probably wondering why he was at that time 30 years old and we were still living with his parents? He's emotionally immature. As well as he thought he would eventually get his parents house if he stuck it out. He literally had no interest in getting our own place at that time. Plus, his mental issues made it extremely difficult to hold down a job for very long. But, he always had someone else to blame for all of it when it was all said and done. At one point early in our relationship, he had a job and I didn't at the time because I didn't have reliable transportation. My jeep kept breaking down on me and I kept dumping money into it and not being able to figure out the issue. My mom was coming up on her knee replacement surgery time and her car was also broken down and my grandpa's truck was in the shop. So, I decided to ask my abuser if I could use his truck. He had only let me do this once prior because I had an orthodontist appointment and he told me to pick him up 4 hours earlier from the time he actually got off work! I sat outside of his work for 4 hours! But, I was willing to do that if it meant having a way to get my mom to the hospital on the morning of her surgery and a ride to go check on her after she came out of recovery. He told me, "no." And that, "I couldn't be trusted!" I didn't know at all where he was coming from and didn't seem fair when I had not given him a reason not to trust me. I panicked, but luckily a family friend of my grandparents allowed me to borrow his car. Someone with no obligation to do so at all. And he wasn't family let me use his vehicle to get my mom to her surgery appointment and my own boyfriend would not.
Throughout the years, he has split my forhead open twice with his fist, punched me in the nose so hard it was painfully swollen for days and bruised the bridge of my nose and all under my eyes, shot me with a paintball gun close range while I was cowering in the corner of our bedroom in pajama shorts and a tank top unable to get to the door and get away. 30+ paintballs hit my bare skin. Leaving bleeding welts all over my body, a couple months after that he shot me close range dead in the mouth and busted my lip when I wasn't able to react fast enough and get away, he has also busted my lip on 1 other occasion with his fist, countless times taken me to the ground, if I try to cower and protect myself he would punch me on top or in the back of my head, he once stole my car and left me in another county after we had a disagreement: I had to have a friend come get me, when I got home I just had the friend drop me at the bottom of our driveway to avoid him doing anything stupid, I was just going to hop in my car and leave, my friend had already driven off, and my car wouldn't start, he pulled the starter relay out of my fuse box, on one occasion he was yelling at me in the Lowes parking lot in his truck my grandparents live very close to there so I was going to get out and walk to their house but my door was locked, when I would reach for the door he started jack rabbit kicking me with his steel toe boots, he did it repeatedly, I got kicked in the face, arms, side of the head, side of my abdomen, and couldn't get the door open because I kept panicking everytime I got kicked. Well apparently at one point he had kicked the truck out of gear and we didn't realize we were rolling until the truck picked up speed towards the end of the parking lot. We jumped a curb and slammed into a parked car. He backed off the car and sped off and that was a rough night because i got blamed for the damage to his truck. Once we had a disagreement that he wouldn't let me leave for the night, it was odd, because I usually got kicked out and I would go park somewhere and sleep in my car. But, this time I was held down and told, "I had to stay there and suffer." He then proceeded to verbally try to convince me that I was a horrible person and a piece of shit and that those in my life would be better off if I just killed myself because I have a 75k life insurance policy that would go to my mom and grandma. Let's just say, I just wanted him to stop so I took 6 norcos and chugged vodka until he took it away from me and started to feel remorse. Tried to make me throw them up and tried to keep me awake. I felt like absolute shit the following days. And he took care of me to "make up for what he did." He always throws shit in my face and says horrible things to me. At this point I can't even type out most of his favorite things to say because it will trigger me. But, one that I hear quite frequently is "fat cow bitch." That one I can laugh at just to bother him.. but the rest are horrible. Every time he would go off it got worse and worse. Until the one that still haunts me and really put things into perspective. About a year ago we had just moved into a place of our own, I was so happy to have my own place finally! He was not obviously. His mom "evicted" us to make it happen. I knew what she was planning. Unfortunately once we moved in his behavior towards me got worse very quickly because I feel that he resented me for the fact that we got evicted even though the reason was him and how he was treating his mom and myself. One night, I had some friends over and at this point, he didn't know what I was doing, but I was tracking his truck on the gmc app so I would know when he was coming home and prepare, but this particular night he was coming extremely fast and I knew he was mad for some reason I felt it. A wave of anxiety came over me and I locked the deadbolt and put a dining room chair underneath it. I tried to talk to him through the door to tell him who was visiting and trying to calm him down instead he was trying to kick the door in. I was just trying to keep him from starting drama around other people but instead I made it worse. Once I moved the chair and turned the lock he pushed his way through the door nearly knocking me over and my friend stood up for me and he got pissed and called the cops and said I hit him. I grabbed my coat before the cops got there and left with my friends. I had 2 calls from officers trying to investigate what happened that night. I didn't even bother to answer and stayed gone for 5 days. Until his begging me to come back won. Less than 24 hours later he was already on the fritz again. But, something out of the ordinary, he was going to go stay at his mom's house. (It was empty at that time, his mom moved somewhere else so that he wouldn't retaliate against her.) So I was still unpacking boxes at our apartment and putting stuff away and just brushed it off. Once again I got a gmc app alert that he was in motion after he had already gotten to his mom's house. Panicked again and used the chair on the lock. I was upset this time and I told him I wouldn't let him in until he calmed down. He persisted and then told me I would regret that. And left. Less than 5 minutes later I hear a knock at the door, and it's the police. I go out to my back patio and told them I would talk to them over the fence. The insisted that I had to open the door because I was in violation of a protective order against my abuser. I proceeded to tell them I was never served with any protection order and they insist that I open the door because they are going to serve me now. I hesitantly open the door, they proceed to come in like they own the place and make wild accusations about me. I told them i didn't say you could come in. "Where is the protective order I'm getting served?" They insisted it was in route. They said the plan was I had to leave following service of the order, I said how are you going to make me leave my own apartment? At the time he had no income, (still doesn't) and I had my grandma cosign for me to get the apartment. He's listed as an additional tenant. The officers insisted that I had to leave so that he could return to his home. They even asked me if I could just take their word for it that there was a protective order in place and just leave so they didn't have to wait for the order and serve me prior to me leaving. I insisted they do their jobs. I was so angry. An hour and a half later the officers show up and serve me with the "platiff copy" of the order and walk me out of my own apartment to my car. As I was pulling away the officers were pestering me to roll down my window and when I did the female officer proceeds to tell me "don't speak to him!" I wasn't going to say a fucking thing to him, so I just yelled out "fuck you, bitch" and drove off. Like I said, I was mad. Well one of the male officers got on his called and hit his lights and caught up to me. When I stopped he pulled me out of my car and cuffed me and stuck me in the back of the car. The other officers got there. They searched my car and then the one officer comes back and starts to read me my rights and when I asked what I'm being arrested for he proceeds to tell me violation of a restraining order. "We told you not to talk to him." I protested that I said that to the female officer not him. He ignored me and proceeded to call a tow truck to have my car impounded. I pleaded with him to not impound my car as I could have someone come get it. He insisted that it must be impounded. There was no reason. It had a parking pass to be in the parking lot, I had current tags, and insurance. I guess this is a good time to say: I had a clean record before this. I had never been to jail nor had any run in with the law before this point. So, I was heated. I didn't sit down a single time while I was in jail. A whole 28 hours I was fuming and crying, even though I know it's best to act tough in jail, there was no controlling it at that point. All of the shit I let him get away with, all the bad sides of him, i hid from the world, all of the tears and wasted forgiveness. He puts me in jail. I always felt like I keep putting myself in this position, i would have never considered putting him in jail before all of this. I felt so betrayed. I couldn't help it. I thought how could things get any worse? Plus I had a cold so I was a fucking mess. When I got in front of a judge I just plead no contest to get released quicker. My sentence was 5 days and I took a plea deal to get released and do domestic violence classes and be on informal probation. When I got out, it was 9pm the next night. I was given my inmate inventory. My keys to a car that was in an impound lot and that was it... I looked at the sheet and it said my phone was supposed to be there and the lady proceeds to tell me there was no phone. Come to find out, the officer checked it in and then proceeded to take it back with him and place it in my car before it was impounded. So I had no phone and I'm walking from a very bad side of town miles from my grandparents house at night. And a car full of guys are trying to pick me up not long into my walk. I decided to go to friends house to change course and they were persistent. I was able to hide behind a bush finally to throw them off course and I got to my destination 3 miles from the jail. My friend Lisa was crying her eyes out when she saw me. Through out all of this, I'm fortunate to have such supportive friends and family. I went the next day to get my car. $150 to the jail for the release, $596 to the tow yard, and a new battery $260 because my car wouldn't start they must have left my lights on. They wouldn't let us jump my battery using my uncles car that I drove over there. Authorized vehicles only was their excuse. This time I was hurt. I stayed gone for 2 weeks until he sent me a picture of my safe with all my late Grandpa's knife collection including a one of a kind buck knife and his pistol with all the ammo. He ripped it out of the closet wall I had it mounted in and was going to surrender it to the pd if I didn't come back and "talk things out". My grandpa had passed away November 2022. His death was very sudden and he was my best friend. Above all else, I was really missing my Grandpa at that moment. I couldn't let him get rid of things I'd never get back that belonged to him, so I returned to my apartment. Things were okay for a bit there and he was worshipping the ground I walked on for whatever reason. "Scared he had lost me forever." Was his explanation. But of course he had went off on me again because I came home too late and didn't call him one night. He proceeded to move all the furniture in our bedroom up against the door when I was in the shower one morning. I was in a towel and went to go in my room and get dressed like usual and the door is barricaded. He proceeds to yell through the door that I'm not coming in and good luck. I had to get my grandma to a doctors appointment and I had no clothes anywhere else but my room so I busted the door in pieces and climbed over everything and got in. While I was getting my clothes he starts mocking me and verbally abusing me. I had my back turned and suddenly I got hit in the back of the head with such forced that I hit the ground face first. I think I must have gotten knocked out for a second or two. I panicked when I realized i was on the floor. I had a huge knot on the back of my head immediately when I got back off the ground I realized what had happened, he had thrown a solid wood dresser drawer at the back of my head. He could have easily killed me with that. That was the last straw for me in that moment. I told him I was calling law enforcement so he had better get lost. I called dispatch and told them what happened and they sent ambulances, fire trucks, and officers over. I was so embarrassed. Stupid I know. But, they took the report, got the judge to issue me an emergency protective order and I declined medical attention because I needed to get my grandma to her doctors appointment. By the time I got home, all I wanted to do was sleep. He still wasn't there. So before I went to bed I went to home depot and got a new set of door locks and installed them before I went to bed. Let's just say, when my abuser came in at 2am all apologetic and woke me up I was surprised. I asked him, "how in the fuck did you get in here?" He said "umm.. my key." Thanks kwikset. What are the odds? I proceeded to tell him that he was not allowed to be there, the judge issued an emergency protective order and I had changed the locks for a reason. He had not even noticed the locks being changed and proceeded to keep apologizing all over himself. I told him go sleep on the couch and leave me alone. He finally did. And I went back to sleep. Things remained calm for the next few days. Until one night I came home too late for his liking and he proceeded to chew me out when I came in and was getting ready for bed. I was not out at a bar or any social event. I was at my grandparents doing dishes. I am my grandmother's caretaker. He kept getting angrier and angrier. He proceeds to slap my phone out of my hand when I tried to show him my Google timeline and pushed me causing me to fall over my vanity stool and land on it on its side and broke it. That upset me because ever since I was a teenager I wanted a make up vanity to get ready in front of, but could never have one because of either the cost or lack of space where I was living. I finally treated myself to one when we moved into the apartment and now the stool is broken. I started crying. Then I hear a knock at the door, it's the police. I guess one of the neighbors called and said they could hear a woman being hit and screamed at coming from our unit. He was hiding in our closet and I tried to lie and say that he wasn't there. They insisted on coming in to check and he came out of the closet and was apprehended. They questioned us separately and he was arrested because he admitted to slapping my phone out of my hand. "Damage to a wireless communication device" and "preventing someone from calling law enforcement." So they take him in. I felt so guilty and at the same time relieved. It's hard to explain. Well while he was in jail, the DA slapped another charge on him. A felony for throwing the dresser drawer at me. Assault with a deadly weapon -not a firearm. He was looking at 4 years. In the following days, the courts were trying to subpoena me to testify against him. I dodged there attempts and even got a failure to appear warrant for not going to my own court hearing to avoid making matters worse for him. I still have a warrant to this day. I just thought, if they succeed and i end up getting served, I will not go in that courtroom and lie. I've been through way too much trauma to lie about it for any reason. See, before things got so bad. I covered everything up about what was really going on in our relationship. I didn't want anyone to worry about me or think negatively of him so I concealed everything for many years. Things just got out of hand and people started to see through the excuses. So he spent a week and a half or so in jail until his mom bailed him out because he called and apologized and promised her that we would go clean the old house so that she could get it up for sale soon. He put very minimal effort into that as well. Myself and a friend of mine hauled 20+ dumploads of stuff he hoarded in the garage and around the outside of the house, burned enough scrap wood to build another house, weeded, cleaned the kitchen, bathrooms, and walls, drained and cleaned the hottub I had got my abuser for Christmas the prior year. He would start off helping and then find an excuse to go to his storage and not return for hours while we did everything. Once we got it done, I was just happy that it was done and I could go catch up on things at my grandparents house that i needed to catch up on.. Things continued to go round and round from there. Eventually he let his cases go to warrant status. So my efforts in trying to help him were all for nothing, so here I sit in an apartment that I signed a lease on and my grandma cosigned for. He lives here free and smokes my cigarettes. He does buy groceries with his foodstamps but holds that over my head every chance he gets. Once I got charged with the violation of the restraining order I also got deactivated from all the app based work I was doing. (Doordash, instacart, Uber eats, Amazon flex.) So I'm really struggling over here financially. How long do these charges stay on your record or show up in a back ground check? Is there anyway I can get rid of it? Here's the kicker: the court has my case summary on record as I violated the restraining order that they didn't serve me with until I was already in custody. They brought a process server to my cell to serve me. Does that give me a leg to stand on. This whole thing has taken its toll on me, mentally and physically. I would just like to get back on my feet somehow after I have been brought down so low by an individual I trusted.

I'm going to preface this by saying I know the obvious answer is to leave. Like yesterday. I'm totally completely aware. I've done it before (several times), but he always finds a way to either threaten me to come back or manipulate me in ways I can't even explain because it's so hard to imagine myself to be so weak and ignorant. But, the main thing that's always in the back of my mind and I'm starting to believe it is I will never be able to get away from him. It's easy for other people to say to leave from the outside looking in to say leave. I'm too the point where I recognize that my inability to forgive the things he's done/continues to do over takes the unconditional love I've had for him. It's been so much it's going to be hard to even explain, but here goes..
Myself (28 F) have been with my abuser (38M) for going on 10 years. Since I was 19 years old. I was so young. To be honest. I had never had a serious relationship before him. Just casual hook ups, some of them ongoing for some time, but I never felt genuine love and comfort like I did in my abuser when we first met. We were inseparable from the start. We have maybe spent a total of less than a months worth of nights apart since we met in 2014. It took me while to let things get this out of hand with us. The first handful of incidents between us I can barely recall. I'm the most genuinely forgiving person. Maybe I've repressed them. Or maybe it's just had the ability to forgive him back then because I wasn't aware that every apology I'd recieve from him was just a manipulation tactic and not something that he intended to ensure never happened again, nor did he feel bad for his actions or what he's said. I do believe he has undiagnosed bipolar disorder with narcissistic personality disorder as well. Which I would have more respect for the entire situation if he would just stop projecting and accept it and seek help. I would continue to try to work on our relationship and be as supportive as I can to help him along the way. That should tell you how much love I have for him and how much I do care about him underneath at all. But he refuses any hint at getting help and projects his illness onto me.
Things started to get really bad after his Dad passed away in 2016. Which happened really quickly after he got diagnosed with UC a couple months prior. My abuser and I were the only ones home when he died. The scene was traumatic and likely also caused some PTSD for my abuser. The night before his Dad passed. I passed him in the hallway and he has to stop to catch his breath 3 times while trying to get back to his room from the bathroom. I asked him if he was okay? He responded with a stern, "I'm fine!" I knew that wasn't the case and I went back into our room and told my abuser that he needed to go in his Dad's room with his younger brother and tell him how much they love him and try to convince him to go to the hospital. He kind of brushed it off and said, "my mom has been on his ass all week to go to the doctor. He won't go to the hospital. But he has a doctors appointment in the morning." I explained what I witnessed in the hallway and told him that I'm afraid he may not make it until his doctors appointment.. he insisted that it wouldn't make a difference and I dropped the issue. To this day, I regret not going in to wake his mom up to get her to intervene and potentially he could have been still with us. You're probably wondering why he was at that time 30 years old and we were still living with his parents? He's emotionally immature. As well as he thought he would eventually get his parents house if he stuck it out. He literally had no interest in getting our own place at that time. Plus, his mental issues made it extremely difficult to hold down a job for very long. But, he always had someone else to blame for all of it when it was all said and done. At one point early in our relationship, he had a job and I didn't at the time because I didn't have reliable transportation. My jeep kept breaking down on me and I kept dumping money into it and not being able to figure out the issue. My mom was coming up on her knee replacement surgery time and her car was also broken down and my grandpa's truck was in the shop. So, I decided to ask my abuser if I could use his truck. He had only let me do this once prior because I had an orthodontist appointment and he told me to pick him up 4 hours earlier from the time he actually got off work! I sat outside of his work for 4 hours! But, I was willing to do that if it meant having a way to get my mom to the hospital on the morning of her surgery and a ride to go check on her after she came out of recovery. He told me, "no." And that, "I couldn't be trusted!" I didn't know at all where he was coming from and didn't seem fair when I had not given him a reason not to trust me. I panicked, but luckily a family friend of my grandparents allowed me to borrow his car. Someone with no obligation to do so at all. And he wasn't family let me use his vehicle to get my mom to her surgery appointment and my own boyfriend would not.
Throughout the years, he has split my forhead open twice with his fist, punched me in the nose so hard it was painfully swollen for days and bruised the bridge of my nose and all under my eyes, shot me with a paintball gun close range while I was cowering in the corner of our bedroom in pajama shorts and a tank top unable to get to the door and get away. 30+ paintballs hit my bare skin. Leaving bleeding welts all over my body, a couple months after that he shot me close range dead in the mouth and busted my lip when I wasn't able to react fast enough and get away, he has also busted my lip on 1 other occasion with his fist, countless times taken me to the ground, if I try to cower and protect myself he would punch me on top or in the back of my head, he once stole my car and left me in another county after we had a disagreement: I had to have a friend come get me, when I got home I just had the friend drop me at the bottom of our driveway to avoid him doing anything stupid, I was just going to hop in my car and leave, my friend had already driven off, and my car wouldn't start, he pulled the starter relay out of my fuse box, on one occasion he was yelling at me in the Lowes parking lot in his truck my grandparents live very close to there so I was going to get out and walk to their house but my door was locked, when I would reach for the door he started jack rabbit kicking me with his steel toe boots, he did it repeatedly, I got kicked in the face, arms, side of the head, side of my abdomen, and couldn't get the door open because I kept panicking everytime I got kicked. Well apparently at one point he had kicked the truck out of gear and we didn't realize we were rolling until the truck picked up speed towards the end of the parking lot. We jumped a curb and slammed into a parked car. He backed off the car and sped off and that was a rough night because i got blamed for the damage to his truck. Once we had a disagreement that he wouldn't let me leave for the night, it was odd, because I usually got kicked out and I would go park somewhere and sleep in my car. But, this time I was held down and told, "I had to stay there and suffer." He then proceeded to verbally try to convince me that I was a horrible person and a piece of shit and that those in my life would be better off if I just killed myself because I have a 75k life insurance policy that would go to my mom and grandma. Let's just say, I just wanted him to stop so I took 6 norcos and chugged vodka until he took it away from me and started to feel remorse. Tried to make me throw them up and tried to keep me awake. I felt like absolute shit the following days. And he took care of me to "make up for what he did." He always throws shit in my face and says horrible things to me. At this point I can't even type out most of his favorite things to say because it will trigger me. But, one that I hear quite frequently is "fat cow bitch." That one I can laugh at just to bother him.. but the rest are horrible. Every time he would go off it got worse and worse. Until the one that still haunts me and really put things into perspective. About a year ago we had just moved into a place of our own, I was so happy to have my own place finally! He was not obviously. His mom "evicted" us to make it happen. I knew what she was planning. Unfortunately once we moved in his behavior towards me got worse very quickly because I feel that he resented me for the fact that we got evicted even though the reason was him and how he was treating his mom and myself. One night, I had some friends over and at this point, he didn't know what I was doing, but I was tracking his truck on the gmc app so I would know when he was coming home and prepare, but this particular night he was coming extremely fast and I knew he was mad for some reason I felt it. A wave of anxiety came over me and I locked the deadbolt and put a dining room chair underneath it. I tried to talk to him through the door to tell him who was visiting and trying to calm him down instead he was trying to kick the door in. I was just trying to keep him from starting drama around other people but instead I made it worse. Once I moved the chair and turned the lock he pushed his way through the door nearly knocking me over and my friend stood up for me and he got pissed and called the cops and said I hit him. I grabbed my coat before the cops got there and left with my friends. I had 2 calls from officers trying to investigate what happened that night. I didn't even bother to answer and stayed gone for 5 days. Until his begging me to come back won. Less than 24 hours later he was already on the fritz again. But, something out of the ordinary, he was going to go stay at his mom's house. (It was empty at that time, his mom moved somewhere else so that he wouldn't retaliate against her.) So I was still unpacking boxes at our apartment and putting stuff away and just brushed it off. Once again I got a gmc app alert that he was in motion after he had already gotten to his mom's house. Panicked again and used the chair on the lock. I was upset this time and I told him I wouldn't let him in until he calmed down. He persisted and then told me I would regret that. And left. Less than 5 minutes later I hear a knock at the door, and it's the police. I go out to my back patio and told them I would talk to them over the fence. The insisted that I had to open the door because I was in violation of a protective order against my abuser. I proceeded to tell them I was never served with any protection order and they insist that I open the door because they are going to serve me now. I hesitantly open the door, they proceed to come in like they own the place and make wild accusations about me. I told them i didn't say you could come in. "Where is the protective order I'm getting served?" They insisted it was in route. They said the plan was I had to leave following service of the order, I said how are you going to make me leave my own apartment? At the time he had no income, (still doesn't) and I had my grandma cosign for me to get the apartment. He's listed as an additional tenant. The officers insisted that I had to leave so that he could return to his home. They even asked me if I could just take their word for it that there was a protective order in place and just leave so they didn't have to wait for the order and serve me prior to me leaving. I insisted they do their jobs. I was so angry. An hour and a half later the officers show up and serve me with the "platiff copy" of the order and walk me out of my own apartment to my car. As I was pulling away the officers were pestering me to roll down my window and when I did the female officer proceeds to tell me "don't speak to him!" I wasn't going to say a fucking thing to him, so I just yelled out "fuck you, bitch" and drove off. Like I said, I was mad. Well one of the male officers got on his called and hit his lights and caught up to me. When I stopped he pulled me out of my car and cuffed me and stuck me in the back of the car. The other officers got there. They searched my car and then the one officer comes back and starts to read me my rights and when I asked what I'm being arrested for he proceeds to tell me violation of a restraining order. "We told you not to talk to him." I protested that I said that to the female officer not him. He ignored me and proceeded to call a tow truck to have my car impounded. I pleaded with him to not impound my car as I could have someone come get it. He insisted that it must be impounded. There was no reason. It had a parking pass to be in the parking lot, I had current tags, and insurance. I guess this is a good time to say: I had a clean record before this. I had never been to jail nor had any run in with the law before this point. So, I was heated. I didn't sit down a single time while I was in jail. A whole 28 hours I was fuming and crying. I felt so betrayed. (I know it's best not to cry in jail.) I couldn't help it. I thought how could things get any worse? I didn't care. Plus I had a cold so I was a fucking mess. When I got in front of a judge I just plead no contest to get released quicker. My sentence was 5 days and I took a plea deal to get released and do domestic violence classes and be on informal probation. When I got out, it was 9pm the next night. I was given my inmate inventory. My keys to a car that was in an impound lot and that was it... I looked at the sheet and it said my phone was supposed to be there and the lady proceeds to tell me there was no phone. Come to find out, the officer checked it in and then proceeded to take it back with him and place it in my car before it was impounded. So I had no phone and I'm walking from a very bad side of town miles from my grandparents house at night. And a car full of guys are trying to pick me up not long into my walk. I decided to go to friends house to change course and they were persistent. I was able to hide behind a bush finally to throw them off course and I got to my destination 3 miles from the jail. My friend Lisa was crying her eyes out when she saw me. Through out all of this, I'm fortunate to have such supportive friends and family. I went the next day to get my car. $150 to the jail for the release, $596 to the tow yard, and a new battery $260 because my car wouldn't start they must have left my lights on. They wouldn't let us jump my battery using my uncles car that I drove over there. Authorized vehicles only was their excuse. This time I was hurt. I stayed gone for 2 weeks until he sent me a picture of my safe with all my late Grandpa's knife collection including a one of a kind buck knife and his pistol with all the ammo. He ripped it out of the closet wall I had it mounted in and was going to surrender it to the pd if I didn't come back and "talk things out". My grandpa had passed away November 2022. His death was very sudden and he was my best friend. Above all else, I was really missing my Grandpa at that moment. I couldn't let him get rid of things I'd never get back that belonged to him, so I returned to my apartment. Things were okay for a bit there and he was worshipping the ground I walked on for whatever reason. "Scared he had lost me forever." Was his explanation. But of course he had went off on me again because I came home too late and didn't call him one night. He proceeded to move all the furniture in our bedroom up against the door when I was in the shower one morning. I was in a towel and went to go in my room and get dressed like usual and the door is barricaded. He proceeds to yell through the door that I'm not coming in and good luck. I had to get my grandma to a doctors appointment and I had no clothes anywhere else but my room so I busted the door in pieces and climbed over everything and got in. While I was getting my clothes he starts mocking me and verbally abusing me. I had my back turned and suddenly I got hit in the back of the head with such forced that I hit the ground face first. I think I must have gotten knocked out for a second or two. I panicked when I realized i was on the floor. I had a huge knot on the back of my head immediately when I got back off the ground I realized what had happened, he had thrown a solid wood dresser drawer at the back of my head. He could have easily killed me with that. That was the last straw for me in that moment. I told him I was calling law enforcement so he had better get lost. I called dispatch and told them what happened and they sent ambulances, fire trucks, and officers over. I was so embarrassed. Stupid I know. But, they took the report, got the judge to issue me an emergency protective order and I declined medical attention because I needed to get my grandma to her doctors appointment. By the time I got home, all I wanted to do was sleep. He still wasn't there. So before I went to bed I went to home depot and got a new set of door locks and installed them before I went to bed. Let's just say, when my abuser came in at 2am all apologetic and woke me up I was surprised. I asked him, "how in the fuck did you get in here?" He said "umm.. my key." Thanks kwikset. What are the odds? I proceeded to tell him that he was not allowed to be there, the judge issued an emergency protective order and I had changed the locks for a reason. He had not even noticed the locks being changed and proceeded to keep apologizing all over himself. I told him go sleep on the couch and leave me alone. He finally did. And I went back to sleep. Things remained calm for the next few days. Until one night I came home too late for his liking and he proceeded to chew me out when I came in and was getting ready for bed. I was not out at a bar or any social event. I was at my grandparents doing dishes. I am my grandmother's caretaker. He kept getting angrier and angrier. He proceeds to slap my phone out of my hand when I tried to show him my Google timeline and pushed me causing me to fall over my vanity stool and land on it on its side and broke it. That upset me because ever since I was a teenager I wanted a make up vanity to get ready in front of, but could never have one because of either the cost or lack of space where I was living. I finally treated myself to one when we moved into the apartment and now the stool is broken. I started crying. Then I hear a knock at the door, it's the police. I guess one of the neighbors called and said they could hear a woman being hit and screamed at coming from our unit. He was hiding in our closet and I tried to lie and say that he wasn't there. They insisted on coming in to check and he came out of the closet and was apprehended. They questioned us separately and he was arrested because he admitted to slapping my phone out of my hand. "Damage to a wireless communication device" and "preventing someone from calling law enforcement." So they take him in. I felt so guilty and at the same time relieved. It's hard to explain. Well while he was in jail, the DA slapped another charge on him. A felony for throwing the dresser drawer at me. Assault with a deadly weapon -not a firearm. He was looking at 4 years. In the following days, the courts were trying to subpoena me to testify against him. I dodged there attempts and even got a failure to appear warrant for not going to my own court hearing to avoid making matters worse for him. I still have a warrant to this day. I just thought, if they succeed and i end up getting served, I will not go in that courtroom and lie. I've been through way too much trauma to lie about it for any reason. See, before things got so bad. I covered everything up about what was really going on in our relationship. I didn't want anyone to worry about me or think negatively of him so I concealed everything for many years. Things just got out of hand and people started to see through the excuses. So he spent a week and a half or so in jail until his mom bailed him out because he called and apologized and promised her that we would go clean the old house so that she could get it up for sale soon. He put very minimal effort into that as well. Myself and a friend of mine hauled 20+ dumploads of stuff he hoarded in the garage and around the outside of the house, burned enough scrap wood to build another house, weeded, cleaned the kitchen, bathrooms, and walls, drained and cleaned the hottub I had got my abuser for Christmas the prior year. He would start off helping and then find an excuse to go to his storage and not return for hours while we did everything. Once we got it done, I was just happy that it was done and I could go catch up on things at my grandparents house that i needed to catch up on.. Things continued to go round and round from there. Eventually he let his cases go to warrant status. So my efforts in trying to help him were all for nothing, so here I sit in an apartment that I signed a lease on and my grandma cosigned for. He lives here free and smokes my cigarettes. He does buy groceries with his foodstamps but holds that over my head every chance he gets. Once I got charged with the violation of the restraining order I also got deactivated from all the app based work I was doing. (Doordash, instacart, Uber eats, Amazon flex.) So I'm really struggling over here financially. How long do these charges stay on your record or show up in a back ground check? Is there anyway I can get rid of it? Here's the kicker: the court has my case summary on record as I violated the restraining order that they didn't serve me with until I was already in custody. They brought a process server to my cell to serve me. Does that give me a leg to stand on. This whole thing has taken its toll on me, mentally and physically. I would just like to get back on my feet somehow after I have been brought down so low by an individual I trusted.

Hello, I used to play paintball in 2006, and wanted to get back into it. I am a machinist by trade, and would be interested in making my own body kit. I guess I could just wait until mine gets here and try my best with the measurements. Do any of you all know where I can find blueprints or factory measurements? Thank you.

Hello, I used to play paintball in 2006, and wanted to get back into it. I am a machinist by trade, and would be interested in making my own body kit. I guess I could just wait until mine gets here and try my best with the measurements. Do any of you all know where I can find blueprints or factory measurements? Thank you.

Posting to hopefully give some hope to those suffering from this horrible disease. I've been battling this condition since I was 27 years old (now 42) so you would think I would be a seasoned pro by now. Back in December 2023 I was admitted to ICU with concerns that I was having a heart attack. This was after dealing with severe nausea, gut pain and major weight loss for about 6 weeks prior. They checked my heart, and everything looked ok there, so I was scheduled for an endoscopy in January. They also switched out my PPI for something stronger.
Leading up to the Endo, I decided to nuke my diet down to the blandest of the bland and only ate what I needed to survive. I cut out coffee, tea, alcohol and all processed oils, meats, etc. The endoscopy revealed that I have a medium size hiatal hernia and gastritis. No signs of Barret's or pre-cancerous growths. After about a month of this, I slowly but surely began to feel better. Today I am nearly symptom free and have been for the last 2 months. I just got back from my 90 day followup and everything is looking good. I've regained 75% of the lost weight and feeling better than ever.
So here are some things that worked for me and some that didn't.
Worked

1. Elimination diet to the extreme. For awhile there all I was eating was rice, boiled chicken, avocadoes and leafy greens. I've been slowly re-introducing things since I've been feeling better and no problems so far. I'm back up to about 1800 - 2200 calories depending on activity level.
2. Switched PPI meds. I went from 20mg Omeprazole to 40mg Pantoprazole. I take this religiously at the exact same time every morning. It took about 3 weeks to start having any impact but the impact has been huge. I keep liquid Gaviscon on hand for emergencies.
3. Patience! You have to be patient with your body. These things take time to heal. It didn't get that bad overnight and unfortunately it won't get that much better overnight. It took me over 6 weeks to really see major recovery.

Doesn't work.

1. Anxiety! Worrying about your condition will only put you into a self feeding feedback loop. I would say this accounts for 50% of my problems with this disease.
2. Trying new coping strategies every day, or every few days. See Patience above.

For those who are suffering from this, keep on trying! Don't give up on yourself!

Greetings!, As many of you may already know, my original post stopped being editable a long time ago, I've decided to create this new post, as a large number of questions were repeated over and over again in the comments, and honestly, I don't have as much time to dedicate to this as I would like. However, I wanted to leave an "updated" version of this post, including answers to questions that were asked in the original post and other forums. I don't know how many times I'll be able to edit the main post (or if I'll be able to edit this post)
I hope you have a good time to read all of this, because it certainly WON'T be short.
Now we know that Nojima has studied Jung's theories and Yogachara Buddhism. Although we didn't know what would have been used as a reference, my partner and I were very sure that religious themes, especially Buddhism, were employed, and that was part of our theory from the very beginning, many years before Rebirth. Unfortunately, I doubt anyone will be able to understand what Nojima intends, as a glance at Wikipedia will not help us with that, much less to understand something as profound as a Buddhist belief root. So, we won't pretend to be experts on the subject and will focus on our way of interpreting everything, as we have been doing until now.

Original post with updated info and answers:

After finishing Final Fantasy VII Remake, the first part of this new trilogy based on the original 1997 title, we wish to present our theory about the conclusion of the game that left us with so many unanswered questions. Since then, Square Enix decided to continue the path of mystery in each of the trailers they have been showing for Final Fantasy VII Rebirth, and, as it could not be otherwise, since April 3, 2020, when we finished playing Remake, my partner and I ventured to make our hypothesis in Spanish forums back on april 4 2020, always following the same line of thought; all of this is nothing more than an expanded and reimagined way of telling the story that will lead to Advent Children, and the interview with Kitase and Nomura conducted for the theatrical release of Advent Children seems to confirm this.
Now, with Final Fantasy VII Rebirth concluded, our theories that we have been sharing step by step seem to have been confirmed by 90%. Therefore, we are going to leave you with our detailed explanation of the ending of this second part.
This explanation is entirely based on the official canon and lore from FFVII Compilation, and it avoids any Deus Ex Machina explanation (Such as multiverses)
The Lifestream
The lifestream, which could be said to be the very blood of the planet itself, is what binds everything in an eternal cycle where time and space do not exist. It acts in an eternal present, meaning it has no awareness of past, present, and future but rather everything occurs in the same instant and is present in an endless continuum, where the souls of the deceased find their final rest once they accept their death, and after returning to the planet's embrace, they will be reborn one day as a new life. This eternal cycle is what sustains the life of Gaia, the planet, which increasingly sees its existence endangered as it witnesses how this cycle is gradually lost, thereby wearing out its strength to maintain that which keeps everything together.
Souls, on their journey back to the planet, face a journey of atonement and acceptance, being unaware of this fact. In these small astral worlds, there is no space or time; they are created by the choices, hopes, illusions, and connections that those people have and had throughout their lives.
Both the spiritual essence of those who are still alive and those who have already passed away interact in worlds that exist and yet do not. Special individuals like Marlene seem capable of discerning what is happening; the sky of all those worlds now shows a terrifying breach. The planet is being consumed; the end seems near.
In that immense accumulation of timeless knowledge that the lifestream represents, lies the planet's last hope. The only way Gaia finds to endure is to guide a motley group that represents its only chance through the memories shown by an endless cycle of souls, relying on the Whispers, guardians of destiny and ethereal representation of the memory of those souls, guiding those brave youths to the destiny she needs to protect to be able to endure, without them being aware of the cruel future they will have to face for it.
Sephiroth, after having remained in the lifestream without diluting his existence and uniting it with the cycle of souls, has gained great knowledge about his own being, as well as Gaia. In this way, he dedicates his efforts to gather resentful souls and thereby tries to impose his own will using his own Whispers, confronting Gaia, thereby risking the return of the being that nearly destroyed her long ago, Jenova, the calamity from the skies, the alien being that descended upon the planet to bring about its end.
Zack Fair, whose soul remained divided across several of these worlds, eventually realizes that something strange is happening. He cannot discern what time he is living in, and like the soul of Biggs, a former member of Avalanche, he cannot explain when Cloud, Biggs, and Aerith met. Zack is unable to understand that he himself will be part of something greater, a soul that must help the planet, that must aid one of the beings living in another world, the world of the living, and that person is his old friend and the one he saved at the cost of his own life, Cloud Strife.
The duality of Aerith and Cloud's existences
In the material world, the holy materia lost its characteristic white color since the incident on the highway, during the escape from Midgar, and with it, Aerith was stripped of the connection, the knowledge, and understanding that the planet and the lifestream bestowed upon her.
On his part, throughout this journey and without being aware of it, Zack had been carrying the damaged soul of Cloud, as well as the memories of Aerith snatched by the Whispers. These memories are shown to us in the color of the holy materia, the special materia that Ifalna bestowed upon her daughter (Aerith) before passing away.
While Zack takes care of what he thinks is a recovering Aerith and an ill Cloud, he discovers from Marlene's words that Aerith and Cloud already knew each other, that Aerith is in love with Cloud, and in turn, a disturbing fact: if Cloud wakes up before he has healed, this will result in Aerith's death, as she will be killed by an evil man. Cloud, not having recovered, will not arrive in time to save her. Thanks to Marlene's description, Zack recognizes this man as Sephiroth, unaware that in another plane, they are engaged in a battle.
The Black Materia
In the material world, after secretly taking the black materia that Aerith had labeled as imitation and fleeing from the temple that tried to bury them alive, Cloud continues his cold and distant behavior while the other members of the group rejoice at Cait Sith's return. Barret, seeing Cloud lost in thought staring at the black materia, snatches it frustratedly and throws it to the ground. At that moment, Sephiroth appears and takes it. Aerith panics and runs toward him, knowing that something horrible may happen.
With a smile, Sephiroth confirms it. That materia is the key that will allow him to obtain the true black materia, which is hidden in the void between worlds. Sephiroth rises into the sky, and with the materia in his hand, he calls upon his Whispers once again with the purpose of demonstrating his power. At the same time, he decides that it is time to prepare for the reunion. Finally, he can begin his plan. Thus, testing his control over his puppet, he releases the black materia in front of Cloud, treating him like a dog, to make him return it. Cloud has lost his will completely. Tifa tries to stop him, aware that Cloud has no control over his actions. He struggles desperately to grab the black materia. However, Aerith takes hold of it and tries to keep it away from his hands. Sephiroth's Whispers attempt to restrain her movements as a frantic Cloud pursues her. Aerith resigns herself and decides to trust him, handing over the black materia.
Sephiroth makes his appearance. At that moment, like an obedient dog returning a ball to its owner, Cloud approaches him to hand over the black materia. Afterward, as he turns around, he sees Aerith surrounded by the dark whispers, thus recalling the first time he encountered her. Stirred by this memory, he regains his sanity and tries to rescue her. Aerith is relieved to see that Cloud is back to himself, while he tries to prevent her from falling into the void.
With a slash, Sephiroth severs the ground created by the dark whispers. Cloud and Aerith plummet into the void, protected in their fall by the whispers of the planet. At that moment, their other "selves" from the astral world awaken. Cloud appears confused while Aerith is confident because from that moment on, she is perfectly aware of what is happening. Therefore, she decides to take advantage of a few moments of tranquility to enjoy a last date with the person she loves. Meanwhile, Sephiroth is able to track them and boasts about it. Aerith decides to make the most of the little time they have together. During the date, we notice for the third time a new design on the potatoes of Stamp, indicating that this is another of those worlds. Some of those people are aware that the end is near for that world, and Aerith knows it too. Finally, there is one last thing she must do, and so they head to their favorite place, the Sector 5 church.
Once there, Aerith allows herself one last moment to be selfish and, in a shy manner, tries to reveal her feelings to Cloud with a question he cannot answer. Cloud is puzzled by her behavior. At that moment, Aerith hugs him, and then she hands him the holy materia containing all her stolen memories, the materia that will allow a prayer to the planet, to the Cetra, and to the souls of the lifestream, a prayer with which she hopes to stop Sephiroth and the Meteor magic. She understands it's not about them; it's about the planet.
Ephemeral Worlds
So far, we can identify four fragments of his soul, separated by the choices he made in each of those astral worlds, all of them teetering on the edge of the abyss.
Three of these fragments are identifiable by the design of Stamp in their respective worlds. The first one is the one we saw at the end of Final Fantasy VII Remake, which has been shown to us for much of the game, with this first Zack identifiable by the Terrier Stamp. Later, he decides to go talk to Hojo to try to heal Cloud.
The second one is the one we could see during the DLC of Final Fantasy VII Remake, Intermission, who went to the church to encounter the desperate souls of those who died in the collapse of Sector 7. He didn't find Aerith, so perhaps this fragment is the Zack that we would qualify as the "original", as he would be in the plane closest to the world of the living, resembling a Beagle.
As the third one, we have the Zack who decided to accompany Biggs instead of going to help Cloud. For this Zack, the design of Stamp is similar to that of a Pug. After losing Biggs in this world and realizing that what he truly sought in his life was the capacity for choice, he jumps into the void, deciding his own fate.
Lastly, we have the Zack who was unable to make either of the two choices and heads to the church in Sector 5, where we can see Johnny carrying a Stamp plush resembling an Akita.
At that moment, while waiting outside the church, he encounters Sephiroth, who treats him as a nuisance and displaces him to the center of the Lifestream. Now, all parts of Zack are one, as after his journey, he was able to find his purpose and mission. The planet protects his soul with the Whispers of Fate while the presence of Aerith guides him on the path he must follow.
Meanwhile, in that astral world where Cloud and Aerith still remain together, represented by a Stamp with the design of a Border Collie, she is aware that she cannot keep him there any longer. In that plane that only the Cetra and Sephiroth can visit at will, she reluctantly opens a portal and sends him to the center of the planet. Cloud watches in horror as the doors of the church open; Sephiroth has found them.
After falling into the center of the planet and the lifestream, Cloud encounters Sephiroth once again. Sephiroth explains to him that within Gaia, there are countless of these "worlds" like the one he just visited. Some die quickly, others last longer, but without exception, all end up returning to the planet as part of what keeps it alive. Using the knowledge gained from the lifestream, Sephiroth intends to unite these worlds and thereby both realities, in order to carry out the "reunion." This way, he can control the existence of living beings and endure eternally.
The Death of Aerith
Cloud catches a glimpse of what awaits him in the future: his journey to the Northern Crater and the reunion, being part of the men in black robes.
Faced with this revelation, Cloud adamantly refuses to collaborate with him, leading to both ending up in a plane close to the material world. Sephiroth closely follows him and realizes that Cloud has brought with him the holy materia, and thus, the knowledge that was taken from Aerith, so he decides that he will punish him for it later.
As Cloud's soul delves even deeper into that dark world, which seems like a dream to him, the whispers of fate transport him to another plane. Walking through the sleeping forest, he finally finds Aerith, who urges him to recover, to find out who he really is. Cloud believes he's fine, but Aerith knows perfectly well that he's not. She knows that Cloud is about to face something that could end him. Cloud hands Aerith the holy materia, thus reuniting the memories that were taken from her. In turn, she gives Cloud her transparent materia, perhaps hoping that one day, his memories will return to him in the same way it happened for her. After this, Cloud wakes up in the forgotten forest; Aerith is no longer with them. She has advanced ahead of the group to fulfill her role in the ancient forgotten capital of the Cetra.
Sephiroth presents himself before them, boasting that nothing and no one can stop his plans to carry out his "reunion," treating Aerith with contempt and judging her efforts and prayers as useless.
The planet itself summons its Whispers, which confront those corrupted by Sephiroth. Each has a purpose to fulfill, and none align with the group's plans. Slowly, they make their way to the sanctuary, where Sephiroth, as he did on the highway, raises once again a wall of fate. This time, Aerith is not there to breach it with her powers, so the group's efforts to penetrate the barrier are in vain. However, when Cloud calls out to Aerith, the dark whispers respond to his call, and a small opening appears before him. Only Cloud manages to cross the barrier.
Everything converges in the fateful moment when a determined Aerith prays from the altar of life in the forgotten capital, the ancient home of the Cetra, in a plea to the planet and the spirits of her Cetra ancestors, begging for their help to stop Sephiroth and thereby protect her friends, loved ones, and the planet itself. Cloud ascends the steps, slowed down by the flow of whispers; while the white ones try to prevent him from approaching, the dark ones try to seize control of his body, but fail. At that moment, Sephiroth descends from above with the intention of killing Aerith. Cloud desperately tries to stop him, but it is there, at that very moment, that everything changes for him.
The mind and soul of Cloud split, his mind sees what Sephiroth wants him to see, which is clearly shown by the black feather from Sephiroth's wing seen before the scene. Cloud, acting as the puppet he is, unaware of what has truly happened, from his point of view is sure that he has stopped Sephiroth, but that's not the case. From the moment Cloud raises his sword against Masamune to prevent it from striking Aeris, his soul connects to the lifestream brimming in the environment. This allows us to distinguish between both moments due to the aura of colors shown around Cloud, with the rainbow effect. Masamune seems to have been repelled, away from Aeris, but when we see reality, upon focusing on the ground, we can see that it has fallen in a completely different place, blood sliding down the blade; the barrier of destiny that prevented the group's entry disappears, allowing them to pass.
While in the physical plane Cloud holds Aerith in his arms, shouting words that are inaudible to us, in the astral plane, his body simply shows his emotions, as he cries inconsolably. It is then that the group arrives and witnesses the harrowing scene: Aerith lies on the ground, completely bloodied and motionless, while Cloud holds her in his arms.
It is then that Aerith, in this plane that only she, Cloud, and Sephiroth can see, caresses Cloud's face and tells him that everything will be fine. Grasping his sword, he stands determined to defeat Sephiroth, who boasts that Cloud is incapable of realizing what has really happened, telling him he understands nothing because he is nothing more than a mere puppet.
One of Jenova's fragments reappears thanks to the sacrifice of the hooded figures, meanwhile Sephiroth continues with his plans, attempting to purge the soul of the Cetra and destroy Cloud's will, who once again rises in rebellion against him, despite being his puppet. Nevertheless, the group manages to defeat the manifestation of Jenova, but then Cloud is taken to another plane once again.
The Meaning of Existence
Zack, whose soul wandered at that moment through the immense infinite void that is the true lifestream, is guided by the Whispers of the planet to Cloud, and the moment he touches his companion's shoulder, their souls resonate. Zack and Cloud stand together side by side, and before them stands Sephiroth, who is willing to do whatever it takes to turn Cloud into the perfect puppet with which to summon Meteor and reincarnate once again in the physical plane.
Both fight with all their might against Sephiroth, but his powers far surpass those of the duo, and so, just as they came into contact, the two worlds separate again, not before entrusting Aerith's safety to Cloud. Zack is banished to another of those thousands of "worlds" that the lifestream harbors, one on the brink of disappearance, where Aerith tries to protect him without revealing herself to him, for his journey is not over, and he is not yet ready to meet her.
Sephiroth uses the knowledge he has gained from the lifestream, his power, and the strength obtained from the dark Whispers, those souls full of resentment, to materialize the bizarre form he will take in the future. Cloud raises his weapon again against this new entity, and as the battle progresses, Sephiroth tears the barrier between worlds once more, temporarily appearing in the physical world, where the rest of the group will face him. At the same time, he also appears before Zack.
On their respective astral planes, Zack and Cloud battle Sephiroth, ultimately defeating the aberrant manifestation of him. Afterward, Sephiroth reveals his true form once more, and as Cloud prepares to confront him one last time, a warm and familiar light fills the space, everything turns white, and they are transported to the center of the planet. Aerith appears before Cloud with the idea of putting an end to all this, thanking him for coming to find her at the sanctuary. Together, they fight against Sephiroth until he decides to retreat, realizing he underestimated the last of the Cetra. Cloud and Aerith clasp hands, surrounded by the whispers of the planet, before she fades away. Sephiroth has shown how dangerous it can be to manipulate the lifestream.
At this point, everything seems to end for Zack, but Aerith rescues him, sending him back to the lifestream from which he had been expelled by Sephiroth, wondering if what he experienced was a dream or reality, hoping that he and Cloud can reunite once more.
Everything returns to normalcy. Sephiroth and Jenova are no longer there, and the group is mourning Aerith. Cloud slowly approaches her, once again enveloped in that rainbow-colored aura, embracing Aerith and asking her to open her eyes. She looks at him and smiles.
The next scene shows the shores of the lake surrounding the sanctuary. The group remains united, somber and sad. Some, like Barret, silently mourn the loss of someone so pure and innocent, someone who sacrificed herself for the planet, for her friends, for her loved ones. Cid, arriving late, doesn't understand what's happening.
While everyone is devastated, Cloud acts indifferent, as if nothing happened. After all, Aerith is by his side; they can now leave this place peacefully. Tifa looks at him completely bewildered, unable to understand his behavior. At that moment, Cloud's subconscious seems to show him what really happened, but his mind chooses to ignore it.
Meanwhile, Cloud remains trapped in an illusory world created by his mind. He has fulfilled his mission, and Aerith remains in the land of the Cetra, from where she will journey back home. Everything is fine; nothing bad has happened.
Shin-Ra, Wutai, Sephiroth, and geopolitical conflicts
Rufus, from the Shin-Ra tower, once again receives the unwelcome visit of Glenn. As they converse, he can't help but wonder if the entire war against Wutai is nothing more than a distraction to keep him away from Sephiroth. It is at this moment that Glenn smiles, and his image distorts. All this time, he had been nothing more than another failed clone of Sephiroth, manipulated by him using Jenova's cells so that, like his mother did in the past, he could manipulate others and lead them into wars, adopting the image of acquaintances and loved ones. Furious, Rufus unloads his entire magazine into the clone.
Sephiroth had used the appearance and memories of Glenn's tormented soul, a soul full of resentment for betrayal, a soul that did not join the planet, and before disappearing, he mocks Rufus one last time.
It's not a goodbye; it's a see you later.
The group prepares to leave the land, meanwhile, they continue to silently mourn the death of Aerith. Cloud, apart from the others while playing with the transparent materia that Aerith gave him, which intentionally seems to show two completely different skies in its reflection, does not notice his companions' sorrow and the reason behind it. After finding the black materia in his hands, he feels that call again; the "reunion" is approaching. Cloud stores the black materia in Zack's sword, then heads to Cid's plane. Remembering Aerith's words, "Don't look at the sky," Cloud repeats them to the confusion of his companions. Cloud, however, can see the breach between planes, the breach that Sephiroth has caused. He announces they will go north, believing Sephiroth will be there. Barret resignedly puts his hand on Cloud's shoulder, entrusting him with the weight of everyone's dreams and hopes. Cloud reassures him that if anyone falls, he'll pick them up. Tifa and Barret exchange glances before boarding the plane.
Both know the reality is very different. Unfortunately for Cloud and the group, Aerith will never be able to accompany them again. Everyone is aware of Cloud's mental state, but none can tell him the truth. They know his mind refuses to accept what just happened, and to prevent his already shattered psyche from falling further into the void, they decide to play along one last time, more aware than ever of the problem Cloud carries and the danger he poses to himself and others.
Cloud says goodbye to Aerith, worried about whether he'll be able to return home safely. She reassures him and asks him to try his best, mentioning she'll pray day and night to stop Meteor. Cloud promises to hurry to defeat Sephiroth, and she tells him she's sure he'll succeed. After that, Cloud boards the plane and takes off with the group, heading into the unknown.
"Farewell..."
With those final words, Aerith bids farewell to her friends and to Cloud, the person she loves, while she continues to watch over them and the world from the lifestream.

Going into detail:

The NPC almost everyone skipped on Cosmo Canyon (And now is famous)
Since it contributes to our theory, I would like to add a conversation that takes place in Cosmo Canyon, which many people seem to have skipped by going straight to the objective. This conversation occurs just as Tifa is about to discuss her theory, and it is quite enlightening.
(Translated from the spanish script, which is the closest to the Japanese script, better than the english translation)
"I am convinced that there is another world where my parents are still alive. I pour myself into my studies with the hope of reaching that other world, and I must say that it is here where I have received the most valuable teachings. Now I know that the lifestream and its spiritual energy are composed of knowledge and memories, although it is not easy to distinguish between the two. Perhaps it is also formed by hopes and dreams. It is possible that spiritual energy does not differentiate between real memories, hopes, and shattered dreams. I think that another world can be revealed to us when, by chance, we come into contact with this energy. This is the interpretation I have arrived at with what I have learned here."
As for Aerith, we have this interview from 2005:
“The words “memetic legacy” are used a lot in the film…In Advent Children, rather than focusing on memories we wanted to show that consciousness is what lives on. We took the ending of the game and expanded on that idea. Even if they’re dead, their consciousness is still with us. As for Cloud…he sees Aerith several times throughout the film. It’s not that he sees her because he feels her presence. He sees her because her consciousness…lives on inside him.” –Tetsuya Nomura; Square Enix
It seems that the scar was already there:
It was stupid of me not to take a look at the most important part of the original game, where, in fact, we can see the sky scar on Cloud's astral world, where he finally gets all the parts of his soul together.
https://youtu.be/X3j66G-xU1s?t=115
https://i.imgur.com/nZHRDgF.jpeg
But why are Marlene/Elmyra/Kyrie/Biggs/Johnny in those worlds? Why aren't Jesse and Wedge there?
As I mentioned several times in the original post, there are several reasons why Marlene, Elmyra, Kyrie, and Biggs appear in those worlds, so I'll try to summarize everything I said in 5 points.
1st: We must consider who are the main beings shaping those worlds, which in this case would be Zack, Biggs, Cloud, and Aerith, all sharing something in common: being acquaintances.
2nd: If those worlds are formed based on memories, knowledge, hopes, and dreams (as well as shattered dreams), this implies that the subconscious of those four can bring a residual image of the soul of these people into those worlds, even if they are not dead, as the lifestream is timeless. Therefore, Marlene could be an old woman in the physical world, but the image that could appear to Barret would be that of the little girl he adores so much.
3rd: The lifestream seems incapable of distinguishing real from unreal events, thus Kyrie, Elmyra, Kyrie, Johnny, and Marlene are formed by an amalgam of emotions and knowledge based on what others remember, as well as a diluted part of themselves, making them act as the counterpart of their real "selves," making them indistinguishable except for the viewer, who notices the changes between both lives.
4th: Does that mean they are alive or not? No, no one in those worlds is "alive" as such; it is an astral world, a spiritual manifestation of something that exists on a physical plane. Therefore, as such, we cannot qualify something "spiritual" as "alive."
5th: But then, where are Wedge and Jesse? Well, the most plausible answer is that they may have already begun to dissolve into the lifestream itself, as we can observe, Wedge himself whispers to Barret through the lifestream, which could indicate that he has already accepted his death and as such, has begun to become part of the planet. Given that Jesse does not appear either, we could say that perhaps she has met the same fate. Additionally, as we already know, Aerith in the novel "On the Way to a Smile" helps "acquaintances" regain their form so that they can help her in her fight against Sephiroth.
What could the transparent materia that Cloud has be for?
As I mentioned earlier in response to this question, it could be that this materia ends up containing Cloud's own memories, thus preventing him from being manipulated by Sephiroth again. In the original game, no explanation is given as to why Cloud is not manipulated by Sephiroth again after restoring his soul, and this would be a way to justify that, acting in a similar way to how Holy works for Aerith.
"I believe Aerith is alive and that two realities were formed"
This is something I completely discard. There are many reasons why Cloud sees what he sees, not only his overexposure to Mako but also his connection by the planet and Aerith to that "energy" that allows him to see part of that astral plane. Additionally, he has been transported to it several times. But the main reason why Cloud sees what he sees, added to all the above, is likely because, as can be seen when Cloud arrives at the Vital Temple, a large amount of lifestream descends from the inner shell. It is a place linked to the lifestream and the planet, and that's why it was used by the Cetra. Therefore, the overexposure to all these elements is what causes this, along with Aerith not wanting Cloud's fragile psyche to shatter, as she knows he has a very fragile heart.
Is Cloud hallucinating?
No, the Aerith that he is seeing is indeed the real one, as Nomura explained. There is a special connection between the two of them. Additionally, at that moment, Aerith has not yet begun her journey to the planet, as she explained to Elmyra when talking about her husband.
That's why Nanaki, whose race has a deep connection to the planet, is able to sense Aerith by his side.
Is Aerith's date world a "dream"?
As I've explained before, it's not quite like that, not as such. We have to consider that this world may be formed by Aerith's own illusions of having a date with Cloud. Therefore, given that they are returning to the planet's embrace at that moment (as explained in the Japanese script), the simple way she has of explaining it to Cloud is that, "Consider this a dream." However, that world doesn't differ at all from the ones we've seen with Zack.
What was Biggs' purpose? Why keep him there if he's going to "die" later?
Biggs is there not only for himself, seeking to give meaning to his own existence, which he considers a failure, but also because he helps Zack on his journey and helps him realize what he was seeking in his life: the ability to make his own decisions. Due to some differences in the English script, this may not be as noticeable. However, when Zack goes to the reactor to find Biggs
The tornado on the Kalm Radio
About the tornado, it's definitely not the same as the one you see in the final battle, because that would imply that half of Midgar ends up ravaged like the one shown in the opening scene, and that's not the case. We can see that the Shin-Ra building tower (where Rufus is) is still standing, whereas in the final battle, that building is completely destroyed. Moreover, when the group enters the final battle by crossing the wall, it's very clear that there is NOTHING beyond it. The road is cut off, it's the end of the road. Yet, upon crossing, they are TURNED AROUND, appearing to be looking back towards Midgar. Then, the tornado mentioned appears and causes damage.
https://youtu.be/tamqQAC696o?t=35859
And when everything goes black and they WAKE UP (does that sound familiar?), that's when the battle takes place in the other world. It's not immediately after crossing the portal (or they would all fall into the void, as I just emphasized). It's when the tornado absorbs them. In fact, lifestream can be seen everywhere as it drags things along.
Crossing one of those portals doesn't immediately change worlds like some people think. Otherwise, when Cloud crosses the portal in Rebirth, he would have been isolated from the rest, and that's not the case.
"Follow the yellow roses" and the white whispers
It's too early to assume that Aerith controls the white whispers. In the same scene in Remake where she talks about her secrets and her origins to the group, she mentions that the whispers tell her to follow the yellow flowers. There are between 6 and 8 appearances of these flowers in Rebirth, specifically towards the end, one of them being the pin she gets during her date (which symbolizes reunion). However, not every time the white whispers appear do the flowers appear, so I can't say for sure if it's Aerith or the will of the planet itself.
The space-time and why I don't believe this is a continuation of the original Final Fantasy VII
From the moment the "space-time" is introduced, we're bringing Einstein's theory of relativity into play and all that it entails. Therefore, the past is past; there's no way to change something that has already happened because doing so would involve falling into the grandfather paradox.
If we base ourselves on the theory of the cyclical universe, nothing would change. Futurama amusingly depicts this in one of its episodes; we would all repeat our lives in an exact 1:1 manner, our choices would be the same, our lives would be identical. That's what this theory dictates, and that's how it's shown in the series. The difference is that in Futurama, those inside the time machine are not affected by the changes that occur in the universe itself, which is why they can retain all the knowledge seen up to the moment of the repetition. However, Sephiroth is an entity that will eventually disappear at one point or another, and if he could never defeat Aerith and the planet, nothing would magically give him the knowledge he had in his past life. Moreover, he wouldn't gain access to knowledge he never had originally. Therefore, I completely dismiss the idea that this is a new Sephiroth and that it's not the original Final Fantasy VII, because if we base ourselves on that, who's to say that the original Final Fantasy VII was the ORIGINAL?
However, Einstein did consider other dimensions, including a spiritual one (Astral), and that's where everything related to the lifestream would be happening.
What do you think the rainbow effect means?
I believe the rainbow effect implies a direct connection to the astral plane, as well as changes occurring in it. In this way, we could interpret other moments when it appears, such as the mini-game in Junon with the Protomateria. The dolls would come to life thanks to the influence of this materia, combined with the essence of those soldiers who died in battles long ago.

Prototypes of theories:

We might have already seen Sephiroth's "Supernova" attack.
Sephiroth's most famous attack, Supernova, which makes absolutely no sense due to its absurdity, has an explanation.
If we consider that Supernova destroys the entire solar system, that means Gaia would disappear too. However, this is not the case. Why? Well, the answer is very simple: because the final battle takes place within the planet, where Holy is held captive by Sephiroth, preventing it from aiding the planet in time.
https://preview.redd.it/6eakrg4nj8yc1.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2e575fee25333be10e8968857668da2899c85bd3
This means that, just like the battle that occurs during the end of Remake, it doesn't take place in the physical world, but in an astral plane, which makes that "absurdity" make sense. The Supernova attack has been refined over the years in its representation, but the closest to what we might have already seen in Rebirth would be in World of Final Fantasy, where we can see Sephiroth summoning a comet that crashes into the ground.
https://youtu.be/fMIgVwsLB3E?t=21
And where have we seen a comet in a world where there are only chunks of rock? During the battle between Zack and Sephiroth in Rebirth, no one tells us that Sephiroth can't perform that attack because he doesn't have his Safer Sephiroth form; they are simply different enemies. However, we have to consider that in Rebirth, we're not fighting against Sephiroth Rebirth, but as the description says, an entity that has taken the form of something that is yet to happen, and it takes that form thanks to the dark echoes, as this is the form Sephiroth takes when he finally transcends, and that hasn't happened yet. So, in the same way, Supernova could be in that world for the same reason.
https://preview.redd.it/sfv7s7toj8yc1.jpg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0114227c9739852f75c114899a248e1f0c4b1f88
~Glenn, Sephiroth, and the War to Come~
Once revealed that Glenn is a soul manipulated by Sephiroth, the question that remains is, what do they intend in Wutai? Well, what I sincerely think is that they seek to create a place filled with death and resentment, and for that, they need a war where innocent people die. Sephiroth seeks to generate more souls full of resentment towards the planet (Black whispers); this will give him more power and control to try to subdue the planet to his will, which, combined with the reunion, would ultimately end with him becoming practically a god who would rule over all existence, which is it's plan.
SufuR is an anagram to RufuS (Which for some strange reason, it's been called Sarruf in some languages)
~Jenova and Loveless?~
During the incursion into the temple of the Cetra, there is a moment when we observe a hologram: three knights fight against the Cetra and subdue their magic. Later, it is mentioned that it is not known if it was the work of the calamity from the sky, but they never understood the excessive hatred that humans showed against them. Later, we see the battle against Jenova, and at the last moment, an angelic image is shown, as if she were a goddess. Loveless (The gathered fragments, because it's incomplete) is about three warriors seeking the "gift of the goddess"; two of them die, and one of them becomes a hero. What if the story is a distortion of what actually happened in reality? What if the enemies the hero defeated were the Cetra, and the goddess was Jenova?
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Final comments
Credits: u/TheReal256k (@256k on Twitter) and Juan R. Ufarte (@BolaDeDragon), Rkss from thelifestream forums for pointing out the scar in Cloud's inner world and TurquoiseHammer for the Ultimania translations.
Exclusive theater screening interview: https://youtu.be/hEJDPj6tbY8
Originally written and posted on: https://areajugones.sport.es/videojuegos/te-explicamos-en-detalle-el-final-de-final-fantasy-vii-rebirth/
Original theories posted by 256k all over www.elotrolado.net forums since april 4 2020 Juan R. Ufarte on www.areajugones.com