My best friend is leaving letter to him

I am at a hopeless rock bottom right now and it isn't making any sense to anyone, so I am going to try here. It is going to be a long one, so please bare with me.
I grew up in a family where love was limited and conditional, for myself and between my parents. I had watched my parents beg each other for the minimal respect, change, and genuine love. I had too begged for those things from them, in which I eventually developed this disorder.
I have struggled with the obsession of love/true love/soulmates my entire life. I have had countless favorite people, in which I would have given ANYTHING to be reciprocated the kind of love I was willing to give.
And in all of these endeavors, I acknowledged I do not love correctly. I realized this when I got out of my first relationship when I was 18. I have dedicated the last few years to unlearning these things. I still struggle with the want to control, the games I want to play, the general pull and push. I have been trying.
I have acknowledged that what I envisioned love in my head is wrong. Love isn't the constant fight for reassurance or the constant proving myself as worthy. It isn't the begging, fighting, or the challenge.
I have told myself for years, love is in the little things. Love is learning a song on the guitar cause they would love it, memorizing their order so you can surprise them, or bringing a jacket cause you know they would forget one. Love is the small laughs over inside jokes, the loud laughs over little fails, and the shared memories that were created on accident.
Love was supposed to be in the little things.
But over the last few months, I have been shown a dark side of it.
I was on a work trip.
One of my supervisors gave long speeches at dinner about his fiancé and how their wedding in June is going to be the best day of his life. That same night, we went out for a few drinks. He proceeded to send a few other girls and I messages about "spending the night with him." He went on the next day like it was a usual occurrence for him.
I was utterly disgusted. My gut sat in my stomach for days.
Another one of my supervisors on this trip did something some what similar. He is "happily" married to his wife of 17 years with young daughters. But as happy as this man is at home, he hit on every waitress, took up countless numbers, and would disappear for days at a time.
Again I was disgusted. I could've easily said this was the work of nasty people, but it got worse...
Once again, on this trip... one of my dear friends/coworker spoke about his plans to propose to his 5 year girlfriend. We were all beyond happy for him. But within the night, he made a closer relationship with another one of our close friends. He started confiding in her of his doubts, how he is not happy, and he doesn't know what else to do, but marry her anyway. He then dedicated the rest of this two week long work trip to his new found interest in his friend. He gave her a sweet little nick name, held her hand, and walked her to and from everywhere they went.
I was very dumbfounded by this information. I was under the impression that they were happy at home and that they had found something people prayed for, but I was wrong.
When I returned home, I received some also unsettling news.
One of my best friends found out she was pregnant by her boyfriend (who is a very very close friend of mine as well). I have known her boyfriend and his family for 10 years, they have been incredible and wonderful people to me and everyone I know. So for the last 7 months, I have watched them prepare for this baby. They are building a house together along with a life and family. She was so excited. But as of last week, she informed me of him entertaining random women online. She said he described it as a thing that didn't happen before and he did not know who she was.
But Saturday, her and I sat down and talked a lot about it. Turns out, he lied again. He had been seeing these women their ENTIRE relationship. They are having a baby and he is out there with "random women" who he has been seeing for years.
I thought I knew him better, but I am incredibly disappointed. This particular event has triggered me beyond belief. I had watched them do my healthier version of love for a long time, only to find out it was one sided.
I began to look at all the long term relationships that have been shown to me in my life. My parents, never have been happy. My aunt and uncle who have been together since they were 14, have one conversation a day about the coffee machine. My friends from high school, who went literal years of break ups and cheating to now hitting 6 years. My friends parents, who have cheated divorced and remarried several times. My other friends parents, who have been on the verge of divorce over small things several times. And now all of these...
I struggle with what is real and what is not. I struggle with trust, intimacy, and connection. But I have been trying to get better with the hope that one day I can be good to someone and they be good to me. I have never cared about money, a nice car, nor a large house. I want to love and be loved and raise a happy family in the healthiest way I can. All in the hopes that i can experience love in the little things, like how I imagined real love to look.
Now I don't know what love looks like. All of my ideas have been disproven. My dreams have been crushed. I am fighting the urge to recluse and regress in all of my efforts in vulnerability, but I am distraught.
I feel like love romantic love is not real anymore.
I am honestly taking this more towards men than women, because of my sexual orientation and just from personal trauma, but I know that I am not supposed to do that.
I am turning away from a connection I have been trying hard to sustain and be healthy in, all because I am triggered by the actions of other men, my fears, and my new found hopelessness in love.
And everyone I talk to says this quote I have heard a million times, "I know love exists because of the love I give." I understand that love is real, logically, but i want to experience it. I want to know what it feels like to love and be loved, equally and truly.
But is the pain and dishonesty truly worth it? Is it something I would have to put up with to experience long term?
How do I even begin to when given this example of modern day "commitment."
What do I do? Before I ruin the connection I am building. How do I let go of the fear of being hurt so I can learn to love?

I'm reposting this so that it gets more notice, if anyone girl has talked with any such guy then they are aware too.
I had met a man, initial letter N (31M) through reddit some 4-5 months back. He commented on my post that he had a few materials for a competitive exam that I was giving. I DMed him asking the same and moved to telegram to share the same files.
There was an instant connection and we started talking. On the first day itself I had asked him if he had a gf or wife. He said no and so we continued talking. After 1 month, he went to his hometown during his leaves and communication was infrequent. He wouldn't talk when he was home, disappeared during the long weekend completely, etc. I couldn't understand if he was just uninterested or was dating someone else.
I tried talking with him about this, a couple of times, he just shut down saying he was going through a lot etc. But then suddenly he flipped and started talking like before. He even came to met me in my city. He even asked me what does he see in next 2 - 3 years for us. And he was talking in long term right from the starting.
Honestly, he felt like a complete green flag except for this communication thing. After his leaves ended, he went back to his city and then again after a few days communication lessened to the point where it would be barely 1-2 msgs each day. He said it was work but my female intuition was telling me something is wrong.
I asked him multiple times to tell me if there's someone else. He gaslighted me each time. Told me I'm overthinking etc. But still we had very less communication and I was fed up of it and anxious all the time. So I too stopped putting in the efforts. One day he posted status of link to his mother's youtube channel. My instincts were screaming by then. So I stalked the account, came across one name. Somehow I found her account on instagram but it was private, she had a small business too in which the contact number for queries given was his. And of course she wasn't his sister, because the surname in bio was different. I also found her sister's instagram which is an open account. I saw their wedding video. He's been married for 3 years and dating her since almost 2017 (I guess).
I confronted him, he left the msgs on seen. I had to threaten him to just agree. Even then he tried to be the victim. After that I blocked him from everywhere. This was almost 20 days back but somehow the girl keeps coming in my mind. I'm really confused if I should msg her and tell her everything. I have screenshots and all the proof. He cheated on her emotionally and physically.
And I'm sure I'm not the only girl he was talking to. There might be other girls too from reddit itself. If any of you think you are talking to a guy I described, dm me the reddit ID or name of the person and I'll tell you. Should I tell his wife? If so how without causing any damage to me?

It has been 20 years now since 8th grade, but I can't help but think this particular incident negatively impacted me throughout High School and into adulthood. Here is the backstory:
In 8th grade I had a guy named Ben in a couple (or maybe most) of my classes. I knew who he was throughout middle school, but only really started talking to him in 8th grade. He was funny but at the same time had a tough exterior and was cool. I was a somewhat shy kid and didn't have that many close friends in Middle School. But I really wanted to "belong." Anyway, Ben would always make small talk with me and I started thinking to myself "Hey, this is a guy I could see myself being friends with." I thought it was cool that he was actually initiating conversation with me so I did the same. We weren't close, but we had mutual "like" for each other.
About halfway through the year, a guy named Geoff moved to our school (He was there in 7th grade but I didn't know him). Him and Ben were already best friends- not sure if they knew each other before 7th grade or if it was during 7th grade that they became friends. But I had him for a few classes as well, with one of them being in a class with both him and Ben (it was health class I think). We were "cool" with each other I guess until he started dating my ex girlfriend and she talked crap about me to him and it made him "hate" me. I don't even remember exactly what she said, but it was basically that I was a "bad person" to her after we broke up and of course he's inclined to believe his GF and will protect her (she told me on the bus that he hated me after hearing about what kind of "person" I am and another guy said he wanted to beat me up). I never did talk to him about it, I honestly just ignored it and he ignored me in return. Then they broke up within a couple weeks anyway because middle school relationships never last. So everybody is happy (or not).
So Ben is unaware of Geoff's dislike towards me which is cool, because he doesn't need to know our drama. Ben talks to me about having a party with some guys from our school at his place next weekend and says I'm invited. Basically we would play video games such as Halo and would spend the night. He told me "I'm inviting you because I really think you're cool." He also asked for my phone number (our house phone, I didn't have a cell phone) and that he would call my place tonight. He said "If your parents don't recognize the number, just say it's your friend inviting you over." I was on cloud nine. Not only was I getting invited by someone I thought was cool, but he said "Friend!?" As someone who had some social anxiety, I felt like the luckiest guy. Later that day, he showed me the invite list and my name was on it and there were about 5 or 6 other guys that I knew, including Geoff. I was cool with the list and figured since Geoff wasn't dating my ex anymore that his so-called "hatred" towards me didn't apply anymore. I was wrong.
In our health class, Ben was showing Geoff the list. I was sitting somewhat close, close enough to hear them. Then I heard Geoff say "rmchampion? No, you can't invite him, he's gay!" (not homosexual, but gay was used as an insult or a slang) Ben looked over at me and said "No he's not" and he knew that I was listening because I started watching them. You could see sadness in his eyes. My heart sank. The teacher (unaware of what was going on) started talking so basically it was a "We'll talk later" and the bell rang for the next class shortly after (I didn't have a class with Ben for the rest of the day). I was mortified and the rest of the day was a blur to me. I was holding out hope for that night that I would get the phone call from Ben talking about his party but it never came. I remember waking up the next morning for school feeling sick to my stomach. I didn't have the courage to ask Ben about the party and if I was still invited. It took one of the guys that was on the list (his name was Andrew), to ask about the guests to Ben (we were in the same table/group for one of our classes) and said "isn't rmchampion going too?" And Ben replied "No." I was crushed inside but didn't show it. Ben was never "mean" to me, but I feel like we were never the same after that. It was even worse when Geoff was talking to this girl saying "We need a stripper at Ben's party, you should come." Not because of her being a stripper per say, but the way that I was feeling FOMO.
Geoff ended up moving away again after 8th grade and I didn't really have any classes with Ben again in High School. Years later after High School, Ben saw me getting gas and he randomly went up to me and said "Hey, I remember you from school, I just thought I would say hi" and I'm like "Oh yeah, hi!" and he was like "Well, good to see you!"
I do think that really scarred me. Of course, I moved on from that incident and made other friends. But now I am terrified of rejection. Maybe that's why I'm still single. And when friends make plans with me, I try not to get too excited until it actually happens because I know that another "Geoff" could come into my life and ruin it. So, thanks Geoff, you made me struggle with confidence for years.
Not really sure what my motive is here, just want thoughts on this. I never really told anybody about this. Not even my parents knew about it. I think I was too embarrassed.

So I’m supposed to go drink around the world with my cousin and mom at Epcot tomorrow, I decided to invite a good friend of mine (that I sorta like) bc she had wanted to do exactly that at Epcot.
The plans are all fine and dandy until tonight, the night before, she sends a text saying “I invited a friend is that ok”?
Bro what, she even had the nerve to say “well these are your plans” after I said it was a bit last minute. Jesus why does all the stupid shit happen to me whenever I admit to myself I actually like someone. I’d be ok if it were like just the two (or I guess three) of us going, but like no this is a family thing that I just so happened to invite her to.
She then went on to say like “well he’s new around here so I wanted to include him”. Like. Nice sentiment really, but like good lord why couldn’t you invite him to LITERALLY anything else.
This is hurting extra due to the fact that for whatever reason whenever I like someone I tend to “pedestal” them to the point where if they make any weird moves I immediately crumble.
Tomorrow is gonna suck and I already felt like it was going to. Leave it to circumstance to once again come in and steal all my joy.

I am a teaching assistant. I’ve been 19 for a reasonably short amount of time. I work while taking community college courses, and have $11117 in my savings account from my job (was a sub, am now an assistant and have been one since January. Next month I receive a dollar raise, becoming an assistant means I work daily. I should have more saved after I’ve been paid through the end of this month.) I’m admittedly not positive that this is what I see myself doing for my entire life, but also don’t know what I want to major in and am partly here because it’s supposed to be a learning experience for me.
I have grown up in, and still live in, an area that has a very large white population (and a sizable population of one specific non-white ethnic group that is not black. I am from a place that has a low population of black people.) I am a black woman who is from a low income family, and have grown up in an apartment complex (my parents allow me to live with them and not pay rent, which is what has helped me save my money.) I look: https://www.instagram.com/p/C6IR_UzLjTM/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== and https://www.instagram.com/p/C6z0F4bptE4/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== and https://www.instagram.com/p/C6IW3nlLufV/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
I have noticed, ever since graduating from high school, that I am no longer terribly attracted to white men. I pass average looking white men on the street, and there’s no attraction present. I have felt attraction toward average and above looking black men, particularly those who are dark skinned, although I felt very strong attraction toward a light skinned 1/2 black 1/2 white boy in my senior year of high school (had colored eyes and was commonly considered to be above average/conventionally attractive. I also had a crush on another mixed boy who was slightly above average as a freshman, yet average by the time he was a junior - I was no longer attracted to him after he became average, and also started to dislike him because he had criticized my physical appearance behind my back.) The non-black men I have been attracted to were Mexican/Latino, yet were typically above average (I occasionally feel attraction toward an average looking Mexican/Latino man. Occasionally.) I will admit that I am very specific about what I like. I have found Jake Gyllenhaal attractive (about two years ago I was wildly attracted to him when watching Donnie Darko,) and had a crush on David Bowie in middle school, but think I was more attracted to white men then than I am now. My only boyfriend, two years ago, was black, and was what I think of as average looking. The white men I have typically been attracted to have had blonde hair and blue eyes, but I don’t know why.
I’m introverted. I do have to interact with people because of the nature of my job, but I have no friends. Whenever I am not working, I generally watch television (as of right now, that has typically been “Laverne and Shirley” and “twilight zone” - I’ve actually been marathoning twilight zone every year since I was about 11 or 12 ever since my middle school science teacher turned on two episodes, “eye of the beholder” and “number 12 looks just like you” for our class. I’ve always wanted to introduce a group of youth to the series in that manner, because I remember that it actually got me hooked on the series.)
Black men in my area typically take out and prefer white women, or otherwise seem to be colorists. In high school, I remember that black boys specifically dating white girls was a “thing.” I don’t really tend to receive attention in my area, I have not received any attention this year. However, I also recall that the lighter skinned girls who looked mixed (1/2 black 1/2 white) didn’t struggle to date even if they were average, whereas it seemed that the darker skinned girls who weren’t above average were undeniably having a much harder time.
My mother was above average at some point in her life (always average without makeup, which is the case for most women,) average throughout my childhood because she gradually became overweight, and would now likely commonly be considered a little below average (in part due to things such as colorism yet also because she has always smoked cigarettes and has gained a lot of weight whilst never leaving the apartment so she is unhealthy looking now.)
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Took the kids and there friends out on Saturday for a boys night with the dads to go see new Planet of the Kingdom Apes and we were all having a blast until some employee decided to ruin it for every single one of us and ruin some young kids 5th grade pre graduation party. We had 11 of us and had the best seats middle row and we were having a blast during the movie while enjoying sodas and popcorn and buncha crunch. We got 8 large popcorns which clearly wasn’t enough for a whole movie so I went back for a refill with one of the dads and then gladly did it, and then we had to go back again. They refused to refill the our popcorns the 2nd time and we were a bit confused but I keep my cool and say on how about a top off on our soda instead and Rick agrees with me so we hand him our sodas. Guy says he can’t do that. Jokingly I say how about some free nuncha crunch for the trouble and we can call it even and the guy got all snippy with us and said we need to go back to our movie and stop asking for free requests at the concessions.. after we paid for 8 popcorns and multiple large sodas and just wanted another refill and more sodas. And the candy thing was a joke but his attitude was ridiculous to how you speak to someone in the community who’s with there family and friends for a fun time and celebration. Told the guy to never tell me what to do again and he can buzz off next time. Asked how I can get the popcorn and he said he’s going to get a manager, and then some kid with a headset comes by getting all snippy with us saying me and Rick gotta leave right now. I let them know our kids are in the theater and I’ll be getting my son. They let us walk to the theater and we grab our kids while they’re having a blast and we all have to leave the theater. Great 5th grade graduation celebration ruined and thanks for ruining a great evening because you werrr mad some people wanted decent service like the old days.

The context is that my partner is a really sweet, amazing, kind, generous, caring person. They are every kind thing you could say about somebody. They are incredibly book smart and have multiple degrees and are going for their law degree on top of all the degrees and certificates they already have. It’s exceptional. The problem is, and I am trying to say this in the nicest way possible. My partner is seriously bad with social skills and comes off as ‘dumb’, ‘cringeworthy’, ‘childish’ and oblivious at times. They will seriously just blurt out anything that comes to their mind and do anything in public. No matter how embarrassing it is. A small example of this is that one time we walked into a bar and my partner got super excited about the cool decor. There was chains hanging from the ceiling and and coffin shaped tv screen installed in the wall with some cool graphic in it. Upon seeing this as we walked in they got so excited they threw their arms into the air and yelled “AHHHHHHH!” And ran over to the chains and started swinging around on them, knocking into a nearby table that a couple was sitting at. After this, they threw their hands up in the air again and yelled “YIPPIEEEEE” as they ran over to the coffin and banged on it with their fist so hard that it actually flashed black and for a second I thought they had broken it. EVERYONE in the bar was looked at me crazy and the security guard had to pick up the mess with table and the drinks my partner just made. It was like a bad ass toddler has just gone loose in the bar and I imagine people just assumed they were way drunk but they were 100% sober. When they returned to me the first words out of my mouth “sit your ass down what the fuck is your problem?” And they immediately bursted out in tears. Because another problem they have is that they are INCREDIBLY sensitive to criticism. They cannot handle one ounce of even constructive criticism, even if it’s said in the most way gentle possible way they will start to cry.
Honestly, I’m not use to dating people my age. I moved out my house and have been on my own living as an adult since I was 16. Typically you will see me with someone ranging from 24-27. My partner is the first person my age I have been with. But, I understand that becoming a lawful adult at 16 is not a universal experience so that’s why they are a bit immature but they are a good person with a good heart which is not easy to come across nowadays so I am willing to wait and be patient with then until they mature a bit more.
My biggest problem with them though is talking to strangers. My mom taught me at a young age about stranger danger and have admittedly had a pretty traumatic life so I am very cautious about who I trust. It is as if my partner is a toddler who has never once been told not to speak to a stranger. They will tell ANYBODY ANYTHING. No shame or reservations or even the idea that the person might be uncomfortable. They will tell the waiter about the wild sex we just had in DETAIL. They will trap the cashier into a 30 minute conversation when the line is piling up and the poor cashier doesn’t want to know every single detail about whatever. And, it’s not even typically a conversation because it’s just my girlfriend yapping without giving the other person time to say anything. They will treat someone they just met less than 5 minutes like someone they’ve known for years and get into people’s personal space. An example of this would be that one time they stopped a girl in the street to compliment them but then it turned into the usual 30 minute yap sesh. My partner got very excited about whatever they were yapping about and for some reason they decided to suddenly press their forehead to this strangers forehead to express their point. I could see the poor girl get visibly frightened so I yanked my partner back out of instinct to protect not only the girl but my partner to whatever reaction the girl might have. Being completely oblivious to the fact that my partner might’ve just got their shit rocked for triggering this stranger they spun around and said something like “OMG BABE you are SO JEALOUS AND CONTROLLING HAHA SHE IS NOT GOING TO STEAL ME” I wanted to shout “dude, nobody WANTS TO STEAL you. You are EMBARRASSING.” But I didn’t want to embarrass my partner so I threw my hands up and walked away silently.
I’ve tried to talk to them about this. I told them a story my mother use to tell me about a very friendly pretty baby that would wave at everyone until she waved at the wrong stranger and got kidnapped. I explained to them that you can’t just assume everyone has good intentions and you definitely can’t predict what will upset someone so it’s best to keep out of strangers personal space and to never share unnecessary information. They see this as if I am trying to steal their ‘light’ or that I am jealous.
This behavior has not only put us in danger in the past but it is now affecting our living situation. Because the one year mark we decided we wanted to move in together. We found the most gorgeous beautiful lake house that was actually an airbnb but the lady liked us so much she was willing to let us stay long and remove the place from airbnb. It was a godsend. The problem is that on the same land there is 4 other properties just a few feet away from us that the landlord rents as airbnbs so we see all kinds of shady or weird people everyday.
I guess, one day when I wasn’t around my gf told a guest about our living arrangement in detail and the guest tried to ask the landlord for the same thing and when the landlord denied it the guest became aggressive and started bringing my gf’s name the details that they were told into the conversation. The landlord reached out to us and showed us the conversation and the guest was threatening us and her with violence. She asked that we keep the fact that we even live on the property to ourselves. It was a very scary situation and I really thought that my partner learned their lesson about strangers.
But, they didn’t. I’m traveling out of town for work and I guess there was a break in on one of the of the properties. The landlord was reviewing the security cameras when they caught my partner telling another guest about the details of our lease again. They wanted to call my partner and speak to them on the phone to express how serious it is that they do not share details about our lease but I guess when confronted about it, my partner lied and said they didn’t say anything. I guess partner didn’t realize they had been caught in 4K.
The landlord was really upset not only that partner lied but went against her wishes of keeping the agreement to themselves once I calmed the landlord down I phoned my partner but by the time I got ok the phone with my partner I was honestly incredibly irritated. I didn’t raise my voice but I was firm and harsh and told them that the oversharing behavior and it has got to stop. I said “really, how hard is it just to keep your mouth shut when our safety is at risk?” I told them they need to look at going to therapy for this behavior.
They became so agitated they started screaming and crying at me “I AM NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU!!” (What? No one even said that!) & “I DONT EVEN CARE ABOUT THIS STUPID HOUSE ILL JUST LEAVE!” (Ez for you to say you haven’t subleased your apartment and moved all your belongings into here yet)
I let them know that we both should take a breather from the convo and now I’m sitting here with my head in my hands, wondering what to do. I know that this is a long read and many people might not make it this far, but if you’ve made it this far, I could really use some advice. I don’t want to talk to my friends and family, because I don’t want them to form a bad opinion about my partner. I feel like I’m dating a child and then I have to correct them like a parent but I don’t want to break up because they are just so good to me outside of this. Please anyone help.

My (33F) BF (34M), and I have been together for over 12 years now. I first met him in high school and we were friends for a few years. We lost touch after he graduated, but ended up reconnecting when I was in college. We've been together since.
About 7 years ago, we were at a crossroads. His friend had passed away suddenly in an accident and he proceeded to spiral, he started trying drugs, staying out all night, engaging in very reckless behavior and it truly scared me. I tried everything to pull him out of it. It took a lot of work, and me almost leaving for him to start putting his life back together.
A little backstory. I work for my family's business. I have worked for the family business since I was 18 years old, and honestly, it would be great if I didn't have to work with the same people I see on the holidays. My family can be, in a word, toxic. There is a lot of infighting and drama. Working with them is similar to our personal lives, stressful and chaotic. When my grandmother passed away about 3 years ago, I was willed some liquid assets that had belonged to her and my grandfather (gems, jewelry, precious metals, cash etc) and their house they had had since the 60's. And honestly this was a blessing, with that inheritance I finally felt like I could pull free from my family and get out of the family business and take time to go back to school and do something I was passionate about. However, I had no savings at the time, and wanted to get a decent amount saved before I quit. At this time an opportunity opened up at work, the pay was way higher, but required 4-7 months of travel time a year. I talked it over with my BF and we decided that we only needed 2 years to save up what we needed. I took the job and prepared to leave for 2 months for training at the main branch.
About a month into my training, my BF suddenly quit his job, with no explanation other than "I had to, I can't work there anymore". I was concerned about our financial goals because of this, but he swore up and down that he would get a new one shortly and that he wouldn't need any help with his personal bills. Well a year went by and he had only taken up gig work and temp jobs. I wasn't happy as I was having to travel all the time and was having to be really frugal in order to get all our joint bills paid while also putting money into savings. He was managing to pay his own bills, so I let it slide since he tossed in what he could to the joint pile as well. Now I'm sitting here, about to complete my two years and my BF has decided to come clean to me.
For the past two years, while I have been working a job that has been soul crushing, and has had me away from home for weeks to months at a time. I've missed birthdays, weddings, friends baby showers, etc. I've sacrificed the last 2 years of my life to make enough to be able to live my life the way I want to. And he tells me last week that he has been paying his personal bills by selling the things my grandparents had willed me that I had left in a safe that was hidden in the house. A safe he only had access to because the hunting rifle is in there, and I thought, y'know he wouldn't do that to me.
I'm honestly in shock. It was a substantial amount and it makes me nauseous to even try to quantify it right now. I've already set in motion quitting my job and have given notice. And now I have so much less than I thought I did. He only told me because he had figured a way to pay me back and had gotten a stable job and was planning on using most of his paycheck to give to me until I was made whole. But this, just honestly disgusts me. I feel so violated. More than that, I wonder if this his go to pattern now. Life is stressful, a lot of change is happening, and he just self destructs?
After what he put me through 7 years ago, I don't know if I can look past this. Yes, he came clean to me, but I just can't seem to get past this feeling. I look at him and just feel nothing right now. It's breaking my heart because I really care for him, and yet I just can't see anything changing. I feel so conflicted, we have been together so long and even have all the same friends and share a life together. Will we be able to come back from this? Or, is this what falling out of love feels like?
TL;DR! - My BF confessed to me that he used part of my inheritance to pay his personal debts while I was away traveling for work to save up enough money to leave my toxic family. I have a whole life built with him and I am conflicted on what to do, but I feel so empty when I look at him. Is this what falling out of love feels like? Can we come back from it?

Hi so basically Im in a weird situation rn, my weekly schedule consists of being at my trade school from mon-Friday and leave Saturdays most of the time and come back sun nights. So when I’m here my mental health gets WAY better I mean way better, I’m with people who are emotionally and socially healthy and understanding. It’s like when I come home as soon as my narc alcoholic dad comes pick me up in his 2000 something old ass dirty bug infested food and crumbs all over the seat and floor and fucken sauce stains everywhere Honda as soon as I get in the car with him I could just see how fucked in the head he is in so many fucking ways emotionally, socially, psychologically and a whole bunch of other shit. It’s literally like I get in the car and what it feels like all his bs issues become mine for some reason and it’s like I’m carrying all his bs with me. I get miserable because my parents are some of the most sutipid bum lames that have no character whatsoever you’ll come across in ur fucking life. Til this day I haven’t come across anybody like these people. Than my dumbass mom had the nerve to come into my room sat morning saying it was Mothers Day to least say it to my grandma since she knows I’m not gonna tell her shit but she was just tryna make me feel bad and I just told her to close the fucking door cuz my grandma don’t deserve me telling her shit either not even me interacting with her. Idk yesterday I went to the beach cuz I stayed and was kinda bored and had nothing to do. I took the bus and at first it was pretty good but after a while idk if it was cuz I smoked a sig and Im addicted tryna quit and it just put me in a bad mood? But idk, their was this cute girl were I got my pizza from and I could tell in the beginning she liked me a bit and was lowk tryna talk to me but it’s like I wasn’t mentally and emotionally there to even talk to her in any other way than to order my food. But like I said my point is whenever I’m here at my trade school and I don’t leave home to my narc bum ass family, my mental health feels better, but when I leave it’s like I “heal” them in a way and with that comes me draining me completely from all the good energy I have leaving me with nothing which messes me up emotionally and socially. They have nothing going on with their life really their bums who live miserabley day to day with my alc dad drinking every weekend and jacking off in the restroom while drunk. I wish I had a therapist to talk to about my situation, when I’m here I feel so much better but when I get picked up as soon as I’m in the car with that bum ass nigga every second I’m next to him he literally drains me, and within a couple hours of being with them my whole mental health and mentality changes for the worst. I become really insecure I got no energy and and just worse mentally. But at the same time I don’t like staying here in the weekends because it’s boring and you don’t do shit here and the only people I even stay with on the weekends is my parents cuz I haven’t really better my relationship with my other family members from the issues we’ve had in the past, and don’t really have friends anymore in my home town, at least that I don’t talk to so I don’t do nothing but stay in my house with them all day and not do shit. The best example I could give u is around 2 weeks ago I left for the first time in like a month of being here and not physically interacting with these bums, I stayed cuz I would forget to turn in my weekend slip so I could leave. So yea I left and it was good at first but it’s like my presence around them would “heal” them by them giving me all their bullshit issues, luckily I was mentally a little stronger so I dealt with it for a bit than I left, I came back home last week Saturday and I regret it it was way worse, they showed me their genuine bum selfs and drained me from all the good energy I had and put me in a really bad place mentally coming back here. Now ik for sure unless I got back up in my house meaning I’m gonna do something with friends I’m not gonna go back for shit. Cuz that’s the only way if I go back and don’t go out with friends or nothing it’ll just be bad. But yea sorry ik it’s a lot what are your thought? Just wanna know.

I (22f) am living with my ex (28m). We were living together when we broke up, stayed living together because we had a lease, but once the lease was up we stayed living together for the convenience. We broke up 8 months ago and have not been together in any way shape or form since. We aren't even really friends, strictly roommates.
We stayed living together because we knew we worked as roommates and cost of living is so high. My plan for the year was to save some money and work on myself. I wasn't looking for a relationship in any form not even dating apps.
This guy (22m) that ive known for a while and always thought was cool asked me out on a date. And I thought "well one date is fine". I really like this guy, we've been on one date so not to get ahead of myself but he seems to be everything I want in a potential partner. And it seems like he really likes me too. I want to tell him that live with my ex sooner rather than later. I'm not expecting him to like it or even be okay with it. Like if he leaves the second tell him can't blame him. honestly probably would too. But can't help but hope he will be understanding and maybe okay with it.
Honestly I like this guy enough have been looking at apartments to move into without my ex. But feel like if bring that up to him it is waaay to much. Like we've been on one date. "Hey live with my ex but we aren't together and I like you enough to move out but even if that happens it would still be like 2 months." That sounds fucking crazy. I guess just need any advice. How to tell him, like a coffee date and just spill everything? Please help
Tldr: live with my ex, wasn't looking for anyone new, found someone new really like, don't know how to tell them live with my ex.

My best friend of six years and I share a tiny apartment (we have lived together 5) and I told her not to get a cat. I do 99% of the cleaning. Especially in shared areas. I love things to be particularly neat and she doesn’t feel the same motivation to keep them that way typically. The cat was supposed to stay in her room most of the time and she would clean up after it. However I put the cat away when I leave for work and her bowls are always empty. The litter is always stinky and all over the floor. She meows constantly to be let out of her room because all my roommate does is shush (which is honestly more annoying to me than the meowing) and does not to anything to entertain or soothe the cat. She told me not to use the bathroom in the morning because it makes the cat meow to be let out. She then does let the cat out around 7 Am and it proceeds to walk all over me until I wake up typically around 8. Tonight was the last straw when I went in to do my skincare and came out. She texted me why was I walking around and the cat was being so annoying. I said okay get rid of her then. I seriously have loved this cat so much but I cannot deal with my roommates constant anger towards the animal she begged to have. She seriously liked the cat for 3 days and now just calls her annoying anytime she does anything at all. I really don’t want to get rid of the cat. It’s only been a month. Will we adjust to this change or will it only add to the growing list of how crappy a roommate my best friend is.

May I get outsiders perspective on this. Just seeking a space to vent & see what I did wrong.
So long story short, I am on my period. I inserted a tampon during the day. And later when removing it, I noticed only the bottom half came out.
I checked the toilet. Nothing there. You can see the way the tampon was shaped, it looked broken off. Y’all….I tried to see if I could remove anything. Nothing came out. My parents advised to seek medical help.
I went to the urgent care & arrived 45 mins before they closed for the day. Immediately, the patient care coordinator (PCC) that took my vitals, it felt standoffish. My gut felt something was off & she didn’t care about my plight. She left & soon after a Nurse practitioner & his nurse came in. He used a speculum to inspect & he said he saw nothing. He wanted to check my cervix, but I am a wimp & was in a lot of pain & yelped out. He stopped the exam, & said from what he saw, he didn’t see anything & I could seek a second opinion if I was still concerned. I thanked him & they left.
But my Mom said to call her before leaving. She is a Nurse & she said to ask for a X-Ray is possible. So I asked the PCC if I can get a X-ray to be sure, y’all SHE LIED & verbally said their facility didn’t have x-rays. She was impatient with me, huffing & visibly annoyed, I had called my mother by this point, & on the phone with my Mom, just to feel safe. I don’t trust the PCC at this point either.
I relayed what the PCC said to my mom, she said ok, go ahead & leave, I then hung up the phone, which was when the PCC, she asks if I am done & ready to go, in an aggravated rushed tone. As if I was a huge nuisance for her asking all these questions.
Later, after changing, I went back to the front to ask for the names of people that saw me. They only gave me the 1st name of the PCC. I asked the Nurse practitioner if they had x-rays, & he confirmed that yes they do! But I will not get an x-ray b/c it wasn’t appropriate & he said my mom was wrong & she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Again he relayed this in a very condescending tone. I asked if he’ll provide a reason why it was inappropriate, he said no. I asked if he’ll document refusing this medical service for me, he said no.
At that point, it was 7 mins past their closing period. I understand they had a long day & wanted to leave. People in the office looked visibly uncomfortable. I was talking in firm, leveled tone, but the vibe made me feel like a major nuisance or annoyance. According to some reddit forums, asking to document refusal of service is considered dumb. Is this true? Did I take it too far? Over imagining things? My parents said I wasn’t and to seek a 2nd opinion to be sure. I was doing my best to advocate for myself while maintaining a calm demeanor to express my concerns.
But damn, tonight was my 1st time experience of this. What should I have done differently? Was I dumb asking those questions & taking up so much time? One thing for sure, this experience, it’s motivated me to truly think of ways to help Black patients in healthcare settings.

I met this guy during the last week of my college year, and he was the first guy that entire school year that I really hit it off with. It's pretty rare for me to click with someone so quickly, so I was particularly happy about the rapport we were quickly building. I was looking forward to seeing him next school year until I realized he actually didn't go to my college and was just visiting his sister. He goes to this community college in an entirely different state. He's expressed how much he hates it there, and he's actually planning on transferring to my college the school year after this coming one. So not after this summer vacation but in roughly a year. By a convenient turn of events, our conversation granted me a natural chance to ask for his number. I want to underline how I only hung out with him (with our mutual friend groups) for two days before I had to move back home. But even though I think myself a fairly oblivious person, I could tell our interest in each other was mutual. Asking for his number was a bit daunting, but he's the one who texted first. But here's where the problem comes in.
He and I are not good texters. But I don't feel like I know him enough to call him. When I text him, it's like we're dumping information to each other, trying our very best to incorporate our personalities, but it doesn't come close to face-to-face interaction, obviously. I feel like I'm sharing so much information about myself that I could've instead shared in-person to pack a bigger punch to the emotional aspect of our relationship. I don't want to end up info-dumping everything about myself to him in the stalest possible way. I feel like I'm sabotaging a lot of intriguing conversations we could've had in-person, because I was just too excited about talking to him immediately that I felt like I just had to ask for his number, or else I'd regret it. He's the first guy that I saw a lot of potential in our relationship, but obviously, two days was not enough time to effectively flesh ourselves out.
It seems like we're always fighting for our lives in that chat box and I can't help but mourn the good conversations our current topic could lead to if we discussed them in person. But when we text, we're just giving each other all the information and none of the memorable experiences. I have other friends who I text where our conversations are enjoyable, and I try telling myself to just text him like any other friend I'd text, but it feels different than just casually checking up on a friend, because for all the friends I have, our relationship is already established, and we usually know each other for weeks or months in person before we seamlessly incorporate texting into our relationship. But he and I didn't necessarily get a chance to solidify our relationship before I left, and without that solidification, texting just doesn't come as natural to me.
I feel bad because I'm the one who made the first move. We finally found a natural end to our previous conversation, and I'm 80% sure he wants to keep texting, but I'm contemplating on whether or not I should just end it there and wait for him to naturally return to my life a year later, or trudge through our dry conversations in hopes that sometime along the way, we'll break that wall of staleness.
I never thought I'd bring this to reddit, but this is the first time I've felt this attracted to someone's aura/vibes, especially in such a short period of time, and I don't want our texting to sabotage our potential future interactions that count. I might be overthinking things, but I have no idea what to do.

So I'm newly married. My husband's family is known to be quite controlling and depreciative towards my husband. His friends that became my friends later told me this before our marriage and now I can see it for my self. Nothing he ever does is good enough. He used to be a mischievous kid but got his shit together in Uni. Now he is working in a field where his expertise is becoming well known. Since the field is new the pay isn't great but Ok. We are both okay with this. But not for his parents. Because he isn't doing what they want. He fulfills his responsibilities as a son to the best of his abilities but there is not a word of appreciation. Before we got married his mother cornered me and told me smokes. The man does not smoke and stopped drinking while in Uni as well. Yet to this day he is accused of doing both. He's the only son yet I still haven't seen them doing anything special for him. Nothing for his birthday. Nothing special when he comes home. Every single decision that he makes is seen as a mistake and they make sure to let him know. He is quite a boisterous energetic person when he is with me and friends and colleagues. But he becomes half the person he is when he goes home. Repeatedly calls him when he goes out after coming home. (It's much less than before). Sends him to buy stuff about 2-3 times a day when he comes home after weeks of working. Didn't support him when he needed to study for Uni exams but are quick to push him to do Msc and other jobs they think are good. It pisses me to no end because I can see that he wants the affection but it doesn't come. I think it makes them happy to sort of emasculate him. Because that's when they sort of back off. Is this normal? It rubs me the wrong way because this is not how children in our families are treated. Am I just a snowflake or am I right to get angry?

I am not in a good state of mind as I type this but I am desperate. For some background I am marrying my childhood friend, and early 20s coworker. We’ve been in a relationship for two years and are set to marry in the summer.
I have bipolar1 disorder and currently had to stop one of my medications due to it causing migraines and I have not felt mentally great to begin with. Lately he’s been telling me I’m short and being aggressive with him and though it’s possible I have it hasn’t felt like it. Normally I know when I’m being mean or short when I’m not in a stable place mentally. But it just felt very weird and made me sad because I’ve been making a conscious effort to be extra sweet during this time.
I was in a very emotionally abusive relationship with an adult when I was 17 and I definitely have some lingering trust issue but through our relationship I’ve never doubted him and we have open phones and it’s all been a fairytale.
Well tonight we got into it because when I denied a sexual advance he accused me of being short and aggressive again. I got the pit I used to get in my stomach so I went through his phone and saw his ex of 7 years (they dated from 13-20) was in his recent search on Facebook. I woke him up and he said he didn’t and I said then why is it there and he said “I don’t know” then started telling me I need to contact my psychiatrist tomorrow to get on new meds
This JUST happened. So right now I am in the mindset of packing my shit and going to my moms and texting his whole family (who loves me) I also know I am not in a good mindset so maybe this isn’t the best idea but I just feel sick to my stomach. And my whole body is vibrating. I feel drunk and I’ve been sober two years. What do I do?
TLDR; fiance is doing things on his phone he shouldn’t and kind of blaming me. What do I do?

Hey y'all. This is my first ever post on reddit, and I came on here for the sole purpose of seeking advice...
For context, you could consider me a "cradle catholic." I have never really been that religious, and my siblings and I were catholic for the sole reason that we grew up with it. However, around 3 years ago I started walking away from the Church after realizing just how hateful and hypocritical it is, and how it's just a down-right business at this point. A majority of my family thankfully share the same mindset, except for one family member, and I have no idea what to do anymore.
I feel like I lost a family member at this point. After my family member has been involved with FOCUS at their university I feel like they have become a totally different person, in a bad way. Before their involvement with FOCUS, we were relatively close, but not I feel like the only option I have is to cut them out forever.
Firstly, my family member has never really been "extremely religious" growing up. I think when we were younger, going to church, confession, CCD, was always like a chore and we did it to make our remaining family happy most of the time. It was more a just "nod and smile" kind of thing. Now, fundamental catholicism is their ENTIRE personality and completely changed them into an entirely different person.
For example, some of us were IVF babies and my parents were very transparent with that. When we were younger it was just another thing, not a big deal... Now ever since they have been affiliated with FOCUS, this family member acts as if my parents are the most God-awful creatures on the planet, and HATES them (not disagree, HATE) with everything inside of them. They even told me that my parents need to "Beg for forgiveness" since they gave life to THEM, and a parent who recently passed is "rightfully burning in hell."
In addition to this, I've never seen my sibling HATE the way they do. Again, this is not just a disagreement, this is a full-blown, bitter, dark HATE. My sibling HATES my parents, and HATES my grandparents for allowing my parents to have IVF. They HATE the LGBTQ+ community, and they ESPECIALLY HATE women's rights, reproductive medicine, and any form of contraceptives. Following this my sibling as also flat out told me "condoms are just as bad as abortions" and that "it is up to the man to decide when to start of family." (Mind you, this specific person has NEVER taken a biology class OR sex ed class in their entire life, nor had a significant other) They just hate, hate, hate... And for how "holy" they are they have NO problem calling me really nasty names and telling me to "suck my cock."
Plus, they have become extremely artifical in publically displaying their faith... Mind y'all none of my family or close friends even did this, so it's not like this is a family thing... But now they have to obnoxiously do the sign of the cross before every meal, they leave their bibles and rosaries all over the house, gives my non-religous (all ex-catholic) family members prayer cards, and if they are really feeling like an asshole they will send me bible versus on how I need to repent and be more like them. It's just so fucking forced and fake...
Whenever I try to talk to them about, just why, they always try to claw me in back to Catholicism. Always. And if it isn't that, they completely lack any common logic/reasoning to their argument and it often ends in bitter screaming matches.
I try, so, hard to find a middle ground with them... or at LEAST TRY to understand where all this shit is coming from but I just can't.
Regardless, I genuinely do not know what to do anymore. Ever since discovering who I am, and my values as a human being, I've really started to grow a deep disappointment for this family member.
They mean a lot to me and of course, I want the best for both of us, but they have made my life a living hell for the previous years... If it isn't trying to start an argument it's ruining personal achievements and accomplishments (tell me my honors should've been THEIRS and how they have been unrightfully given to me)... They have really shown me just how ugly and terrible religion can be and I do not know what other steps to take to have them in my life anymore.
My apologies for the long-ass post, and my gratitude if you made it this far.

Hello OKOP empire. Thank you for taking time to read this. it will be long but on to my story.
So I'm going to give background of the beginning of my life. It was my determining factor of why I didn't want anything to do with her. Names I use are not their real names.
When I was conceived my Bio mom (we'll call her Sally (17F) ) already had a little girl my bio half sis (call her Chrissy (1F) ) Chrissy would go to our babysitters house ( call her Jenny (34F) ) while Sally went to school. When bio Grandma (Call her Karen, don't know how old she was at that time) found out Sally was Pregnant with me, She was furious, According to my Bio Aunt (Deny (14F) ) Karen almost killed us. Deny said she had to step in and stop Karen from hitting Sally even more after she threw her down the stairs. After her rage subsided she took Sally and Chrissy to an apartment and said you want to be sleuthing around your old enough to live on your own. Sally kept trying to go to school as she dropped off Chrissy at Jenny's, then would go to a job and try to make things work.
Time goes on and I am born, I then started going to Jenny's as well sometimes spending the night with Chrissy as well at times.
Now Jenny was Babysitting in the day, EMT at night and did foster care with her husband Lee (38M). his job was teaching Spanish. Super hero's in my eyes FR.
After that month Jenny said she had not seen me and Chrissy for about 2 weeks. She got a call from social services asking her to go to Sally's apartment to check on her and the children. Jenny wasted no time at all grabbed her bag as her son (Josh (10M) ) asked to go with she said sure.
Jenny went up too the apartment door and knocked, with no answer but as they stood outside she could hear kids crying inside but still no one came to answer the door. She went and got the manager of the apartment complex and asked him to open Sally's door. But she had to call the cops and paramedics to come out before he could open the door. they had to stay outside for about 20 Mins for the emergency services to show. They finally get the door open and see Sally on the couch unresponsive. Jenny went to the bedroom door as one of the police officers had to break it down due to it being locked. I was only around 2 months old and Chrissy at this point was almost two years old and didn't know how to open doors at that time. So Josh went in with Jenny, seeing Chrissy trying to feed me a bottle that was filled with curdled milk. Josh looked at Jenny and said mom she looks dead referencing me. They rushed us to the hospital and found that Sally was alcohol poisoned and I was very dehydrated, underweight, eyes sunken into my sockets. Doctor told Jenny if i were not able to gain weight in 3 days i would be in ICU for failure to thrive ( basically all organs start to shut down and would basically be dying). Chrissy and I were put into Jenny's foster home that night. Jenny took us home and feed me close to 8-8oz bottles. she said it was the most amazing thing as i ate my skin turned back to a pinkish color my eyes came out and my body started filling out, never throwing up a drop.
Time goes on and we were put into the fosteadopt program. Karen wanted Chrissy but did not want me. She ended up taking Chrissy without finalizing papers with the court, taking off to another state.
I was a little over 2 yrs old when Jenny and Lee official adopted me. Now she was my mom and he my dad giving me 5 brothers and 1 sister. Big family I know
I was 6 yrs old when we had ready a weekly reader on adoption in school. A lot of what they were saying in it with how adoptees feel is exactly how I felt, also as my family would be talking about who got what from which parent. I asked who's eyes did I have and my mom would answer you have your mothers eyes. I got very confused about that then we read that weekly reader. So many questions had swirled in my mind. One day as my mom and I are walking into a Wal-Mart crossing the front where the cross walk is as I'm holding her hand, I asked her mom am I adopted? She looked at me with a pause and said well yeah you are in a more concerned voice then any other emotion. I didn't ask anymore questions for a few days, but one night I walked into my parents room and asked why did my family give me up and all my mom said was god meant for us to have you. I then asked if i had any sisters or brothers and she told me about Chrissy. Being so little I couldn't really deal with the thought of someone just threw me away and felt like I did something wrong and that's why my bio family didn't want me.
As I get older with a year or two in between i would keep going to my mom asking more questions. Now you remember my parents also did foster care as well and I would hear and comprehend at around 12 of the children coming to my home for things and they would tell me of there horrifying story of how they ended up in the system. A lot of them were horrible stories and I couldn't understand how a parent do something as bad as they did to their own children.
When I was Fourteen I went to my mom where my brother Josh was talking with her about something and said ok mom I am old enough to know what exactly what happened to me cause I deserve to know my story. I saw my brother and her share this look of like hey its time she should know kinda face. She then proceeded to tell me the whole story minus what i wrote about Karen and Sally bit cause she did not know about that. Deny is the one that filled me in about that. Deny was the one to call in with concerns about us that day my life was saved, to social services.
I spent many days with free time in computer class looking so hard for my half sister after that but since it was still so new at that point I could not find much out about anyone.
More time goes on and I was around 26 yrs old and I do a little google search looking for Sally sue to her being the only way i could possibly find my half sister. I had found a birth certificate that I had a very strong feeling that it was Sally's, A couple months go bye with no other hits and one day i see i have two message requests on FB one from Deny which she began by giving info about me where we lived and just personal info that no one else would of known except for the ones involved. i had another from Chrissy who was saying basically the same thing. I went numb. from the top of my head to the tip of my toes i felt like electricity was vibrating my body. I asked my husband what he thought he said its up to you love what ever you want to do i'm hear for you. so i begin to type and we had gotten to know each other. i went to their state and met them also met Karen. didn't really care for that but was told Sally was telling Chrissy and Deny to find me that was top priority to her for some odd reason. but anyway they asked if i would want to meet her, i answered im not sure im up for that yet.
I get back home after a 2 week visit and I was being asked many times to meet or at least talk with Sally. I finally said no i'd rather not cause i already have a wonderful loving mother and i rather not go down that road with Sally cause i couldn't get over her just leaving. Jenny gave permission for Sally to visit or send me letters as i grew as much as she wanted but she never sent anything or called. my adoption was an open/closed adoption. meaning Sally could contact me anytime and visit me where it was closed for the Bio father who was never in the picture. But Chrissy/Deny and I had a huge fight about it and are no longer in contact. its better cause it was a very toxic family and id rather leave the toxins out of my life.
So guys was I the AH for not wanting to meet/talk to Sally???
​

I wrote a letter to remind myself to be kinder to oneself as surely this feeling will pass.. right?
Strangers by Correspondence
Neither friends nor strangers, we acquainted ourselves with one another, sharing desires for love that the other dismisses. Tormenting ourselves, we pity our own feelings, attributing the pain to our own making. In the liminal space, she existed before we truly knew her, her upbringing leaving wounds we thought we could heal. All this time, we believed our wait for something more would only lead to inevitable disappointment. The only one to blame is the fool in the mirror; so wipe away the paint and ask yourself: What are you? A kid pretending to be an adult, thinking you can handle it all.
Understandably, we longed for companionship, seeking the kind of relationship we saw in our friends. "When will it be my turn?" we asked, never considering that loneliness would creep up on us, slowly killing us inside. Desperation consumed us during those times, leaving no doubt in our minds.
Then came the day we approached her in class—frightened, confused, and terrified. We didn't know anyone, nor did we want to know anyone. But there she was, an angel—or her name was angel, as her ID said so, sat next to her and a nickname was introduced her otherwise true name —sweet and kind. Yet, it wasn't her looks that drew us in; rather, it was her perseverance and gleeful attitude.
As we saw her more and more, she grew more beautiful with each passing day. Butterflies runs around in our stomachs as we wrote these words, a testament to our delusions. We never intended to pursue someone so intensely, but in our worst moment, we blurted out our feelings in a burst of false confidence a drunken text.
We may have felt like idiots at the time, but we don't regret it. It was the first step towards regaining our confidence. Flattered she was, and hopeful we were. But fate had other plans.
In the end, we still hold on to hope, embodying the essence of the hopeless romantic. She may never see us the way we see her, but we still check up on her, because deep down, we care for her. For what's it worth we formed a bond. Created a safe space between us. We were never friends, nor were we strangers—just acquaintances, bound by fleeting moments of connection.

It has been 20 years now since 8th grade, but I can't help but think this particular incident negatively impacted me throughout High School and into adulthood. Here is the backstory:
In 8th grade I had a guy named Ben in a couple (or maybe most) of my classes. I knew who he was throughout middle school, but only really started talking to him in 8th grade. He was funny but at the same time had a tough exterior and was cool. I was a somewhat shy kid and didn't have that many close friends in Middle School. But I really wanted to "belong." Anyway, Ben would always make small talk with me and I started thinking to myself "Hey, this is a guy I could see myself being friends with." I thought it was cool that he was actually initiating conversation with me so I did the same. We weren't close, but we had mutual "like" for each other.
About halfway through the year, a guy named Geoff moved to our school (He was there in 7th grade but I didn't know him). Him and Ben were already best friends- not sure if they knew each other before 7th grade or if it was during 7th grade that they became friends. But I had him for a few classes as well, with one of them being in a class with both him and Ben (it was health class I think). We were "cool" with each other I guess until he started dating my ex girlfriend and she talked crap about me to him and it made him "hate" me. I don't even remember exactly what she said, but it was basically that I was a "bad person" to her after we broke up and of course he's inclined to believe his GF and will protect her (she told me on the bus that he hated me after hearing about what kind of "person" I am and another guy said he wanted to beat me up). I never did talk to him about it, I honestly just ignored it and he ignored me in return. Then they broke up within a couple weeks anyway because middle school relationships never last. So everybody is happy (or not).
So Ben is unaware of Geoff's dislike towards me which is cool, because he doesn't need to know our drama. Ben talks to me about having a party with some guys from our school at his place next weekend and says I'm invited. Basically we would play video games such as Halo and would spend the night. He told me "I'm inviting you because I really think you're cool." He also asked for my phone number (our house phone, I didn't have a cell phone) and that he would call my place tonight. He said "If your parents don't recognize the number, just say it's your friend inviting you over." I was on cloud nine. Not only was I getting invited by someone I thought was cool, but he said "Friend!?" As someone who had some social anxiety, I felt like the luckiest guy. Later that day, he showed me the invite list and my name was on it and there were about 5 or 6 other guys that I knew, including Geoff. I was cool with the list and figured since Geoff wasn't dating my ex anymore that his so-called "hatred" towards me didn't apply anymore. I was wrong.
In our health class, Ben was showing Geoff the list. I was sitting somewhat close, close enough to hear them. Then I heard Geoff say "rmchampion? No, you can't invite him, he's gay!" (not homosexual, but gay was used as an insult or a slang) Ben looked over at me and said "No he's not" and he knew that I was listening because I started watching them. You could see sadness in his eyes. My heart sank. The teacher (unaware of what was going on) started talking so basically it was a "We'll talk later" and the bell rang for the next class shortly after (I didn't have a class with Ben for the rest of the day). I was mortified and the rest of the day was a blur to me. I was holding out hope for that night that I would get the phone call from Ben talking about his party but it never came. I remember waking up the next morning for school feeling sick to my stomach. I didn't have the courage to ask Ben about the party and if I was still invited. It took one of the guys that was on the list (his name was Andrew), to ask about the guests to Ben (we were in the same table/group for one of our classes) and said "isn't rmchampion going too?" And Ben replied "No." I was crushed inside but didn't show it. Ben was never "mean" to me, but I feel like we were never the same after that. It was even worse when Geoff was talking to this girl saying "We need a stripper at Ben's party, you should come." Not because of her being a stripper per say, but the way that I was feeling FOMO.
Geoff ended up moving away again after 8th grade and I didn't really have any classes with Ben again in High School. Years later after High School, Ben saw me getting gas and he randomly went up to me and said "Hey, I remember you from school, I just thought I would say hi" and I'm like "Oh yeah, hi!" and he was like "Well, good to see you!"
I do think that really scarred me. Of course, I moved on from that incident and made other friends. But now I am terrified of rejection. Maybe that's why I'm still single. And when friends make plans with me, I try not to get too excited until it actually happens because I know that another "Geoff" could come into my life and ruin it. So, thanks Geoff, you made me struggle with confidence for years.
Not really sure what my motive is here, just want thoughts on this. I never really told anybody about this. Not even my parents knew about it. I think I was too embarrassed.

This is one of the most embarassing days of my life that keeps me awake at night. So maybe by sharing it will get this weight off my chest. One day when I was 19, I was getting ready to end my day when I received a call from my friend. She told me about how her boyfriend was having a big house party and they were passing by my house. She asked if I wanted to come and I said "sure". She told me I had to be ready as soon as possible because she would be there soon. So I got my self ready and put on a one peice. I finished up and she was outside waiting so I jumped in her car and we were off. At the party there was alcohol and me being the absolute gremlin I am, I drank way too much. I was drunk, dancing and stumbling around when the hottest dude with the most punchabke jawline I've ever seen came up to me and said "hey, um". I just stood there just stating at him. He then proceeded to bring me in close and tell me my underwear was falling from underneath my dress. Now let me tell you the anatomy of these underwear. They were old panties I only use when I'm going to sleep. They have stitch from lilo and stitch all over them and a small hole near the elastic which caused it to slowly creep down my one peice. My one peice was tight enough They wouldn't fully fall and would just stay there hanging and I was too drunk to fully notice. Noticing this I started to immediately cry. Didn't pull them up, just fully sobbing and this absolute casanova decided to grab my underwear and pull them up for me! So I started crying even harder. As people started to look at us. He just threw his hands up and backed away into the abyss. My friend saw me and pulled me outside to her car where I proceeded to keep crying until I burned myself out and fall asleep. Since I was unconscious and dead weight my friend had to get her boyfriend to leave his own party to help me get home. My friend drove and he assisted me in the back as he also drank some and couldn't drive. My friend said that as she was driving me home I held onto her boyfriend so tight she could only describe me as a koala with abandonment issued. I was holding on for dear life as I was most likely getting car sick and tried to keep myself from rocking back and forth. She said she thought about being jealous but I looked so awful she only felt bad for me. When I got home, her boyfriend picked me up and walked me to my door as my friend was looking for my keys. My dad then opens the door to see what he thought was his pure angel of a daughter drunk being held by some dude. He then proceeds to hand me off to my dad. All because I because i forgot to change my underwear.

Hello there everyone, before anything I do have to state that I have to be vague about a lot of this stuff since it is TW as well as legal things so here, we are. Fake Names used
For a little back story, I 20 F then 19 F met my ex-boyfriend 21 M (20 then) in December of 2023. I was renting out a room in a house that wasn't in the safest area but the cheapest rent in the area so I couldn't complain much, but I talked to my landlord who told me I needed to move out by the first week of January of 2024. I had a stable job and almost 1k in savings, so I wasn't to worry about trying to find a place but the area I lived in was way too expensive and most places were denying me. I decide one day that I would go on bumble on the friends and dating part of the app to get connected with people in the area since I didn't have many friends at the time. I met my ex-boyfriend, Jacob. He was engaged and in an open relationship, from what I was told from both parties, it was open long before I met Jacob. I did meet his fiancée Lila, she was about my age only a few weeks older than I was. (20 F).
It was really stupid of me I know but I was also trying to enter my idgaf era, about two days after our first date we hooked up at his place with Lila joining in. After a night of the devil's tango, I asked Jacob if we were together or just FBW since I know that I connect with people to quickly and get attached (childhood Trauma doesn't matter) anyway, he gave me a kiss and smiled, saying that we were dating now. and honestly, I was overjoyed, he promised I could stay with him and Lila until I could find a place for myself, and I was thankful. But I wouldn't be making this post if there wasn't a turn for the worst, He had convinced me many times to call out of work because he needed me and needed help with cleaning. So, I did this ended up costing me my job and slowly I had to eat away at my savings because I didn't have a job. Door Dash became my best friend for money. Fast forward a bit since I don't really know when's the best time to start explaining more.
He landed a job at a Greek food shop about half a mile away from the apartment complex that we were at and he asked if I could drive him to and from work since he didn't have a car, I said sure but he needed to walk or get a bike off of FB marketplace because I couldn't always be his ride to work since I needed to find my own job. He got a bit mad at this because I wouldn't drive him to and from work and he got tired of having to do it, so he stopped working, so three people in an apartment building with almost no way to pay rent. Before people come at me asking why I didn't help with rent that was because when I moved in we agreed that I would help with grocery's, cooking dinners and cleaning the kitchen, and I agreed since I would much rather do dishes then laundry. About another two weeks after this Greek job fail, I landed a job as a nanny for an amazing family and a very adorable five-month-old. I loved this family so much and they were so kind and open and very accepting of everything. It almost felt like my dream job.
Jacob was happy for me to same with Lila and honestly, I thought this was going to be perfect, I didn't know it then but after putting puzzle pieces together I found out that he had well, taken advantage of me, on my birthday to be exact.
After I found this out, I decide to leave for a few days to one of my friends place about two hours away from the apartment, Lila told me she would play devils advice and figure out exactly what was happening because at this point, we both knew we needed to get out of this relationship but didn't know how. So, when I was leaving to go to my friends, he deiced to throw himself on my car preventing me to leave, I rolled down my window, stupid of me I know. I told him that he needed to leave, he started crying saying that he needed me and that he couldn't be alone. I remined him that his soon to be wife was in the apartment and wanted to spend time with him, he said that he couldn't do it alone and couldn't bear the thought of me leaving, I had to call Lila out of the apartment to get him off my car since he was hanging on my car door. After almost forty minutes of me telling him to get off of the car he finally let go and went back into the apartment, I stayed at my friends for about a day before he was blowing up my phone begging me to come back and that he needed me and couldn't go on without me. My friend suggested I stayed a little bit longer at their place but I said no and that I needed to go help him. So I left later that next day and what I came home to was a mess, the apartment trashed and disorganized, my stuff thrown everywhere and messy. We talked about his reaction to it all and he consistently made himself the victim.
He constantly tried to get me pregnant, almost every day he was trying, while I was telling him I didn't want to be tied down for the next 18 or 19 years of my life taking care of something too stupid to care of itself, I couldn't even take care of myself sometimes lmao (I would like kids in the future but I just don't want one at the age of twenty) Eventually Lila and I knew we needed to get out of this relationship since he was becoming more and more toxic demanding that we give him our phones so he could search through them. I denied hard, I believe that your partner shouldn't search through your phone, if you need to use it go ahead if you wish. But I'll be damned if I'm letting someone forcefully going through my phone because of their insecurities. He constantly gaslit us as well as lying about everything and how we were the issue, never him. Manipulation was almost like his superpower. As well as many other things I really don't wish to get into.
Idk when to skip to but after a lot of secretly planning and scheming, my friend in another state agreed to allow us to move into her place to get away from him and to start a new life almost, and honestly so far it's been great. I have a stable job, some new friends and honestly it couldn't be better. I did call the police and filed a report on him, but since he lives in a whole other city than the city it happened in it taking a lot longer than one would hope. But just recently I had this large gut feeling, something I hadn't felt since the night I met Jacob. I ignored it that time and this time I refused to ignore it. So here is where I am asking if AITA. After much self-debate I called his father and told him most about what happened how it happened and not where I am, but I just told him that I am in a safe place. I wasn't expecting much because as a parent of a child who does something like that what would be the right responds.
(I do not have a child idk why I need to specify that but yeah)
It took me a while to write this, but I really need some unbiased opinions, a lot of people are saying I am in the wrong and a few close ones says that I am in the right, so what better way to find opinions?
So AITA?

English is not my first language, so please forgive me for the mistakes you might find.
I, Monica(26F) work in automation as an engineer. The company has a total of 4 of us in 4 different shifts. Each of us has also a team of 2-3 people (DWs) to deal with basic errors, while we focus on major issues and improvements. Our plant is active 24/7.
The DWs in each team also have different shifts to make sure the busy hours have full coverage. This means that sometimes I will have a DW from a different team in my shift for a few hours.
Usually all the teams are pretty good and we all help each other to get the job done. There is always an exception tho… I will call him “Tony”.
He is a DW from another team who shares with me a couple of hours of my shift. We are not in bad terms, but I don’t particularly enjoy working with him.
The reason for this is that he pretends to know the system from end to end, but that is far from reality. (From my point of view) He always makes the same mistakes and when I’ve tried to teach him the correct way to deal with them, he dismisses me saying that he already knew that etc… this has created some tension between us, which I it’s not the ideal.
The real problem started when Tony’s dad passed away. I remember being told about it one day that he didn’t come to work and some one told me he was on bereavement leave because of his dad.
Something that I want to highlight is that I am a distracted person. I don’t know why it happens and I’ve tried to deal with it, but still there are things that I miss out or forget because of it.
Continuing with the story, one day I was in the office, I was very stressed because there was an incident that I had to deal with. I remember seeing Tony walking into the office and then talking to one of our coworkers. I was in the middle of something so I didn’t react till I was done.
What follows after that was the most awkward thing has ever happened to me.
I finished what I was doing, took off my headset and walk towards Tony. I swear I was trying to be friendly, I also didn’t remember about his dad. For some stupid reason the first words that came out my mouth were: Hi Tony, how is your dad?
All of the sudden the room was in silence, Tony was in shock. After a few awkward seconds of complete silence Tony said: well, he’s dead.
I wanted to die. I start apologising and explaining that this is not what I wanted to say and that I don’t know why I said that. He wasn’t having it. He didn’t say anything, just stared at me and walked away.
The rest of the office started calling asshole and asking me what the fuck was wrong with me. I honestly don’t know. I swear I wasn’t trying to be mean. I tried talking to him later on, but he’s been ignoring me since then.
Please help.