"A family is left in mourning as twenty-one-year-old Natalie Rose was found dead over the weekend," the TV blared into the room, "seemingly attacked by some sort of wild animal as she sat in her tent on what was meant to be a relaxing camping trip alone. Natalie's parents have requested privacy at this time, but they appreciate the condolences they have received. In other news-" Roman grabbed the remote from me and shut off the TV.
"Hey, I was watching that!" I said as I flipped him off from across the room. "Bullshit, you're on your phone," he chuckled, fixing his hair up in the mirror. "Okay, well, I was listening. I like to have background noise, dickhead," I replied, watching him in the reflection, his focus clearly not on this important conversation.
"Where are you going all dressed up?" I interrogated him. "Morgan and I are having our engagement party, but we've got to be there early to sort out seating."
"You're having your engagement party and you didn't invite your own brother?" I questioned him, offended at the audacity this man had. "I did invite you, dipshit. You told me you had a date with Katie tonight."
The realisation hit me like a punch to the gut. I'd completely forgotten about my movie date with Katie. With a surge of panic, I leaped from my seat, heart pounding, and scrambled to get dressed. Every second felt like an eternity as I cursed my forgetfulness. Then, I heard Roman's car start outside. Without a second thought, I sprinted out the door and down the driveway. Knocking on his window, I pleaded for a ride.
The soft hum of the road and the whirring of the engine filled the car as we silently moved through the night. Staring out the window at the blur of trees, I thought about how I would apologise to Katie. Roman reached for the radio, and a Trace Adkins song began playing. Seeing this as the perfect time to start a conversation, I spoke up, "So, are Katie and I coming to the wedding?" I asked, grinning. Roman let out a deep sigh as he turned off the music. "If Katie doesn't plan a date night on the same day, then yes," he replied.
Silence filled the car as we drove along the empty road. The vast woods surrounding us created an eerie atmosphere, intensified by the winter darkness cloaking the night sky above. Yet, for Roman and me, who had grown up in this land, these woods evoked nostalgic memories of our childhood adventures. While for others, it might be an unsettling glimpse into the barrier separating civilization from the unknown, for us, it was a comforting window back into our past.
When Roman bought the land we had grown up on after our parents passed, I was probably more excited than I should've been, considering I had just lost my mum and dad in a tragic carbon monoxide leak. But my relief at not having to leave this place was immense.
We eventually reached an area where the city lights were visible in the distance. I noticed Roman yawn as he adjusted his grip on the wheel. "You're gonna have to tell me where to go, I can't remember where Katie lives," he stated as he changed gears and prepared to enter the busy traffic, a stark contrast to the remote rural road we were about to vacate.
“Just take a left up h-" I began, but was interrupted as a white blur ran in front of the car, causing Roman to slam on the brakes and swerve. I grabbed onto the side of the door as we spun out of control, the screeching of the tires filling my ears, jolting me out of the relaxed state I had been in due to the many miles of quiet driving.
We eventually came to a stop, now facing the opposite direction, gazing down the endless stretch of desolate road we had just traversed. Roman calmly checked all his mirrors for whatever he nearly hit but failed to see anything through the dust he had stirred up in the spinout.
“You all good?” he asked, a relieved smile creeping up his face, a deep breath escaping his lungs.
“Yeah, what was that?” I asked as Roman started reversing, then turned the car back towards the busy city street about a kilometre away and began driving. I looked over to him, expecting an answer to my question, but didn't receive one. His brow was furrowed in an uncertain expression, clearly lost in thought, like he was trying to remember if he locked the front door.
“Roman?” I said, causing him to blink a couple of times.
“I don't know what it was," Roman answered, not breaking his intense stare at the asphalt in front of us as we drove along, approaching the main road. “Probably just a sheep, there's a few acres of farmland behind these trees,” he continued.
As we approached the intersection, Roman flicked his left indicator on before turning onto the main road. “Okay, now take the next right,” I said, feeling the weird atmosphere in the vehicle slowly dissipating. After a few more turns, Roman said that he knew the way from here and turned the radio back on, which cut the remaining tension that I could tell we were both feeling.
The chilly winter night was starting to bite at my skin, and I cursed myself for forgetting a jacket in my hurry. I swivelled my head around to see the backseat. “What are you looking for?” Roman asked, finally looking in my direction as he turned the music down slightly.
“Uh, do you have a jacket I can borrow? I didn't realise it was gonna be this cold,” I sheepishly admitted.
“Hold the wheel,” Roman told me as he reached around behind him, shifting around his hiking gear that he hadn't taken out since his camping trip with Morgan last month.
Eventually, he pulled out his gym hoodie and threw it on my lap. “This is all I got,” he grunted as he readjusted himself in his seat and took hold of the steering wheel again. When we pulled into Katie's driveway, I pulled the hoodie over my head and hopped out of the car into the brisk night air, my breath visible in the cold. “I'll pick you up around 11:30.” Roman shouted out the window as I pulled the hoodie the rest of the way down and waved to Roman as he drove away, beeping his horn as he left me in the chilling winter breeze.
I knocked on the door, checking the time to see that it was 7:37, only a few minutes late. As I waited in the dark, a surprisingly chipper Katie opened the door, hugging me and dragging me inside. “You didn't miss much,” she whispered as we stumbled through the house that had all of its lights off. “Why do you smell like your brother?” she asked, shooting me a dirty look before grabbing a handful of the hoodie and sniffing it. All I could do was shrug and grin, “I forgot how cold it gets in the winter time, he let me borrow it.” She rolled her eyes, and we sat down next to a bunch of her friends and her parents, who all whispered their hellos in the soft glow of the TV.
Around 11:18 pm when the movie was long since finished, Katie's parents said goodnight and headed off to bed, and a few of Katie's friends who had been visiting said goodbye and drove home. I got up to get some water from the kitchen, and as I walked back, I stood in the doorway that separated the kitchen from the living room, which was dark, only lit by the TV. This allowed me to see Katie frozen, staring towards the window, which was out of my direct line of sight.
Confused, I peeked my head out of the doorway and looked toward the window. I froze and dropped my glass; luckily, it landed on the carpet and didn't make much noise, and the tall, pale creature standing an inch from the window didn't notice. The creature was foul, a gaunt, lanky humanoid. Well, at least the head was humanoid; the body and limbs were almost ape-like, with long, disproportionate arms and less exaggerated legs. The creature's whole body was covered in grey skin stretched tightly over its abnormally long bones. It had no hair anywhere. Its mouth was strangely wide, stretching around to where its ears would be if it had them, and its eyes were just sunken, inky black pits in its head. But I could tell it was staring daggers at Katie, who had tears rolling down her face. She slowly turned her head to look at me, shaking and breathing quickly. I had never felt so powerless. I was supposed to protect her, and I would. I would die to protect her, but I had no idea how to shield her from whatever this thing was.
Then I had an idea. I looked to the light switch panel to my left. I knew one of them was the porch light, but there were three others: the living room light, the kitchen light, and the hall light. If I pressed the wrong light, I didn't know what the thing would do, but I had to try. I had to remember which light Katie's dad used to turn the porch light on when he goes out for a smoke.
I reached for the light second from the bottom and flicked the switch. The hall light turned on. Luckily, the hall was on the opposite side of the kitchen from where the living room was, and it was out of view for the creature at the window. But I couldn't mess up again. If the kitchen light turned on, the creature would see me, and if the living room light turned on, it might cause it to attack Katie. I looked back at the creature, which was using one of its hands to scratch the window as it sniffed around. I had to do something.
I reached for the bottom light switch and flicked it; the porch light turned on. The creature spun around to face it and let out a screech that will haunt my nightmares for the rest of my life. I ran to Katie and grabbed her, dragging her off the side of the couch where there was about a metre gap between the armrest of the couch and the wall.
The sound of the window smashing filled the house, and Katie cried into my shoulder. I couldn't see anything; it was pitch darkness besides the slight blue glare from the TV on the wall above us. But I could hear raspy breathing and bones cracking as the thing searched the living room. I heard it sniffing the couch where Katie was sitting, and I heard it make its way closer to the end of the couch, one of its hands pressed on the wall above us. I saw the silhouette of its head begin to peak over the side of the couch, but suddenly the light turned on, and Katie's dad yelled as he saw us from the kitchen while he was holding a shotgun.
The creature ran at him but fell to the ground as a loud shot rang out in the night, leaving only the sound of our combined breathing and Katie's soft sobs. I watched intently as the body lying between Katie's dad and me moved around on the floor, before slamming its hand down, then the other, and pushing itself to its feet.
Katie's dad reloaded his shotgun, but it was too late. The creature grabbed the poor man by his leg and pulled it out from under him, causing him to shoot the ceiling. I grabbed Katie and dragged her upstairs as the creature began tearing into her father. She cried and screamed, begging me to help him, but what could I do? Whatever that thing was, it just took a shotgun blast to the chest and brushed it off.
I locked us in her upstairs bathroom as the creature's loud and hurried footsteps made their way towards us. Katie was crying loudly now, insisting that we were going to die. Honestly, not a super helpful contribution, but I can't blame her.
As the creature began crashing against the door, pieces of wood started to splinter off. I shoved Katie into the tub, and then lay on top of her. Hopefully, my body would be enough to shield her from this thing. Time slowed down as the door exploded inward. I looked at the girl I loved, makeup running down her face, pieces of door in her hair, mouth wide open as she let out the most ear splitting scream. For some reason, I felt no fear. Even as the monster began tearing at my clothes and clawing at my flesh, I felt strangely calm.
Eventually, the creature grabbed me, swinging me around by my hoodie, slamming me into every wall and surface in the room. I fell to the ground as the hoodie ripped off, and the creature just stared at me, then the hoodie in its hand, then back at me. I stared back, utterly confused, as it leaned over and sniffed my entire body from head to toe. It looked as puzzled as I felt for a moment before I heard Roman's car pull up outside.
The creature screeched as it sprinted out the door, slamming into the hallway wall in its haste. "NO!" I shouted, leaving my still-shaking girlfriend in the tub as I chased the monster out of the house. Somehow, I caught up to the creature and grabbed onto it, bringing it to the ground below. The thing managed to get on top of me, biting and clawing at my arms and hands as I shielded my face.
Before I knew it, Roman came out of nowhere, tackling the creature off me, yelling for me to run. The creature, sleek and deadly, wasted no time in retaliating against Roman's attack. With a primal growl, it lunged at him, its claws slicing through the air like daggers.
Roman had a size advantage that I didn't have, and managed to hold his own for a few seconds as he wrestled with the beast. He'd always been as strong as a bull for as long as I can remember, tall with powerful hands and massive arms and shoulders. But I couldn't risk watching my brother, as strong as he may be, get killed by this… whatever it is.
With strength I didn't know I had, I grabbed the back of Roman's expensive shirt and pulled him out of the way of a fatal blow to the head, throwing him towards the car before I lunged at the creature and went feral. I don't know what came over me; I started swinging on the creature as we tumbled around in the muddy grass. Just when I thought I was actually winning, the creature managed to get its legs between us and kicked me off, then swung its clawed hand at my stomach, ripping it right open.
I collapsed to the ground as my body tried to comprehend what had just happened. My eyes narrowed as everything was drowned out. I watched the silent scene play out before me, my heartbeat pounding in my head.
The creature charged at Roman, who leaped to grab his car's back door handle just as the creature snagged his foot. It yanked at his leg, but Roman clung onto his car door tightly. The creature persisted in pulling as Roman struggled to reach for something in his hiking gear stored in the back seat.
With an agonising yell, Roman's leg gave a sickening snap. Despite the pain, he finally retrieved what he was searching for. Releasing the car door, Roman watched as the creature stumbled backward. Seizing the opportunity, he swiftly climbed on top of it, brandishing his trusty hunting knife from his camping trips.
As Roman wrestled with the creature, the air was filled with grunts and snarls. He plunged the hunting knife into the creature's body, eliciting a guttural howl of pain. The creature thrashed wildly, but Roman held on grimly, his determination unwavering.
With each strike, Roman's movements became more frenzied, fueled by adrenaline and the need to protect us. The creature's attempts to retaliate grew weaker as Roman's blows found their mark. With a final decisive thrust, Roman delivered the fatal blow, and the creature slumped to the ground, defeated.
Breathing heavily, Roman collapsed beside the creature, his body trembling with exhaustion and relief. I rushed to his side, concern evident in my voice. "Natalie-" he faintly murmured.
"Who? Who's Natalie?" I asked, my confusion growing.
Suddenly, the creature jolted up, its movements abrupt and startling. Without warning, it lunged at me, seizing me by the throat and hurling me against the car.
The last thing I saw before I blacked out was the creature sprinting towards me. In that moment, I felt a strange sensation coursing through my body, as if something within me was shifting. I glanced down at my hands and watched in horror as they contorted and turned a sickly shade of grey. Long claws protruded from my fingers, their sharp edges glinting in the dim light.
As my bones cracked and deformed under the strain of this inexplicable transformation, a sudden surge of anger and ferocity overwhelmed my senses. It was as though a primal instinct had taken hold of me, consuming my entire being in its relentless grip. With each passing moment, the world around me faded into darkness until finally, I lost consciousness, my mind consumed by the terrifying reality of what I had become.
I awoke hours later in the back seat of Roman's car. The hum of the road and the whirring of the engine attempted to lull me back to sleep, but I sat up, rubbing my head as the memories flooded back. "What happened?" I asked, my voice hoarse and strained.
Roman responded with silence, a familiar reaction from him, but this time, it sent a shiver down my spine. As I looked at my arms, then my stomach, and felt around my whole body, I realised the wounds and deep gashes caused by the creature were all gone, as if I had never been attacked.
I caught Roman's gaze in the mirror, but he quickly averted his eyes. That's when I noticed Katie in the passenger seat, her tear-stained face betraying her silent anguish. It was clear she wanted to say something, but I couldn't shake the feeling that Roman had warned her against it.
"What do you know about this place?" Roman asked sternly, his voice devoid of emotion.
"We've lived here all our lives, Roman," I replied, confusion evident in my tone. "What do you mean?”
Roman pressed down on the brakes, bringing us to a sudden stop. I noticed a pained expression flit across his face in the mirror, a fleeting moment of vulnerability that he quickly tried to conceal.
"Your leg!" I exclaimed, my voice laced with concern as I recalled the events from earlier.
"It was a dislocated hip. I fixed it," he replied bluntly, his tone revealing little about the ordeal he must have endured.
"This isn't real, Jason. None of this is real. You are not real!" Roman's voice was sharp, refusing to meet my eyes in the reflection.
"Back at Katie's house, I remembered everything the moment I looked into that creature's eyes. I remembered... I remembered Natalie," he said, his words catching in his throat, revealing the first hint of emotion I'd seen from him.
I watched as a tear rolled down Katie's face. I reached to put a hand on her shoulder but stopped myself.
"Roman got me to remember," Katie said, her voice trembling. "I remembered the emergency alert, and when those things broke down our doors. I watched as they dragged my parents out, then my baby brother, then me. I woke up in this fake world, in a family that isn't even mine, dating a boy who turns out to be one of the monsters who brought me here." She spluttered, and I began to cry silently as I realised what she was saying.
Roman eventually started driving again, occasionally getting a call from Morgan, but after the fifth call he threw his phone out the window. We drove until I fell asleep. I don't remember what I dreamed about, but it was peaceful. I think I was in that forest with Roman. We were children again, playing around in the trees, finding cool sticks and exploring the endless expanse of what felt like a fairytale, which I guess it was.
I was awoken by the abrupt sound of Roman's car door slamming. I looked outside and saw that it was daytime again. Trying to figure out where we had stopped, I noticed a giant sign that said “Library.” I hopped out of the car and jogged to catch up to Roman and Katie.
“What are we doing here?” I asked, clearly still being avoided. It was understandable, but it still hurt.
“I need to wake everyone up,” Roman said as we walked in and approached a computer.
I noticed we were getting odd stares from everyone as we walked by, which is when I also noticed that I looked like I had just come out the other side of a paper shredder. My clothes were all torn up with bits missing, apparently not possessing the magic healing ability that I do. The sound of Roman typing snapped me out of my self-conscious thoughts and redirected me to the computer screen.
"I'm going to be a while, guys," Roman said as he began writing out his story. "I need to tell the whole thing from the beginning. Go find a book or something.”
I looked over to Katie, her face void of expression, but a great sadness filled her now dry eyes, having cried all the tears she had. “Why don't you just wake up?” I asked, probably coming across as more insensitive than I intended.
“I've got nothing to go back to. Roman told me what the world is like back there. If my family is here, I have to find them and wake them up first,” she responded, finally meeting my eye.
I wanted to hug her so bad, but I knew she didn't love me anymore. She probably had a real boyfriend in the real world.
Hours went by as Katie and I found a place to sit and wait in silence, watching Roman. He looked funny in the little library chair, hunched over the computer. Such a big guy looked out of place here, his muscular presence overpowering that of the rest of the library's patrons, who were all either very old or very young.
I hate to admit I fell asleep, but I'm just telling the story how it was. I was awoken suddenly by sirens and shouts. “We have got you surrounded, come out with your hands up or we will come in and show you no mercy,” a man's voice yelled from outside through a speaker. I looked over to Roman, who was limping over to us as all the customers flooded out the exits.
“Get up, we need to leave. They've turned the law against us,” Roman ordered. Katie and I listened and followed him.
We made our way upstairs into the empty employee lounge, and Roman opened a window... with his elbow. “They've got every exit covered but this one. We need to jump,” he calmly told us. He stood up in the window frame, kicked off some of the remaining glass with his boots, and jumped to the roof of the single-story building below, wincing in pain as he landed on his bad leg.
That's when six armed officers kicked down the door and opened fire on Katie and me. I moved to block the bullets from hitting Katie, taking several hits to the head and back. I then pushed Katie through the window, and Roman caught her before I jumped out myself and followed.
We ran from rooftop to rooftop until we reached a ladder that led down into an alleyway, where we attempted to catch our breaths. Roman and Katie watched me intently as the bullets lodged in my body began to work their way back out, the wounds closing up after. My skin color shifted a little, and I felt a rattle leave my throat as a cold sweat came over me.
“Hey, control yourself,” Roman told me sternly. I nodded, struggling to remain composed.
“Did you finish the story?” Katie asked Roman.
“Yeah, I kind of had to rush the last part, but I got the message across,” he replied, slumping to the ground behind a dumpster, exhausted.
“What now?” I asked.
Roman looked at me, panting. “I'm gonna help Katie find her family, then I'm going back to Natalie,” he said between heavy breaths.
“What about Morgan?” I questioned, causing him to look down at his feet. “I don't even know her in the real world, and I would never have chosen to be with her. This place… it's like it wrote me a life that was least likely to let me remember who I am. The girl I'm engaged to is the complete opposite of Natalie. I've got a brother who lives with me, my parents are dead. There's literally nothing here to remind me of home, bro,” Roman said, shedding a couple of tears.
We waited in the alley until night, hearing sirens go back and forth every now and then. When Roman said we were in the clear, we made our way back to the car and started driving again. I noticed Roman's eyes fluttering after about an hour, and I told him I'd be happy to drive if he needed to sleep. I could tell that his ego didn't want to admit he was exhausted, and he also still didn't trust me, but he gave in and pulled over, falling asleep in the back seat as I drove off into the night.

I am a college-aged adult (a young adult, basically.)
Sexually, I am quite repressed. However, whenever I do think about men sexually, I tend to imagine myself with a darker skinned man (to me, darker skinned tends to mean either asap Rocky’s complexion, or just someone who is darker than a typical white man, like Fez from That 70s Show. I will typically imagine myself giving a blowjob or having sex with a man, I think in part because when I last had a boyfriend two years ago - a dark skinned black male, who was overweight - that was the first sexual thing I ever did with, well, anyone. I haven’t done anything sexually with anyone since, and haven’t had a boyfriend since.) I have trouble envisioning myself having sex with a white man, unless it’s someone who I’m very attracted to like Jake Gyllenhaal, and even then something about it doesn’t feel right.
I am not attracted, in general, to the average white man. I had a big crush on David Bowie in middle school and still felt attraction toward him when I watched him perform live in the 1970s on YouTube some months ago, because of his aura. I was also wildly attracted to Jake Gyllenhaal in “Donnie Darko” about two years ago and wrote a fanfic about three years ago about how handsome he was in “Brokeback Mountain” (from Ennis’ perspective.)
I am probably the least attracted to Asian men, but I really don’t mean that in an offensive way, I just haven’t felt attraction toward an Asian male in about a decade (literally.) I don’t think it will happen again. There are probably a variety of reasons as to why the attraction isn’t there (lack of media representation, stereotypes, probably other things idk.)
The two guys in high school who I was most attracted to were lightskinned and mixed race. One was conventionally attractive - someone who non-black people agreed was very cute - and had colored eyes. The other was slightly above average in 9th grade, but gradually became average (I was no longer attracted to him when he became average. He looked something like this: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CyMJ4kvPgvq/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==)
I notice that the white men who I have been attracted to tend to have blue eyes, typically a blonde hair and blue eyes combo.
I have been attracted to multiple Mexican/latino men, although they were above average. I briefly had a bit of a crush a few years ago on Benny from the sandlot.
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"A family is left in mourning as twenty-one-year-old Natalie Rose was found dead over the weekend," the TV blared into the room, "seemingly attacked by some sort of wild animal as she sat in her tent on what was meant to be a relaxing camping trip alone. Natalie's parents have requested privacy at this time, but they appreciate the condolences they have received. In other news-" Roman grabbed the remote from me and shut off the TV.
"Hey, I was watching that!" I said as I flipped him off from across the room. "Bullshit, you're on your phone," he chuckled, fixing his hair up in the mirror. "Okay, well, I was listening. I like to have background noise, dickhead," I replied, watching him in the reflection, his focus clearly not on this important conversation.
"Where are you going all dressed up?" I interrogated him. "Morgan and I are having our engagement party, but we've got to be there early to sort out seating."
"You're having your engagement party and you didn't invite your own brother?" I questioned him, offended at the audacity this man had. "I did invite you, dipshit. You told me you had a date with Katie tonight."
The realisation hit me like a punch to the gut. I'd completely forgotten about my movie date with Katie. With a surge of panic, I leaped from my seat, heart pounding, and scrambled to get dressed. Every second felt like an eternity as I cursed my forgetfulness. Then, I heard Roman's car start outside. Without a second thought, I sprinted out the door and down the driveway. Knocking on his window, I pleaded for a ride.
The soft hum of the road and the whirring of the engine filled the car as we silently moved through the night. Staring out the window at the blur of trees, I thought about how I would apologise to Katie. Roman reached for the radio, and a Trace Adkins song began playing. Seeing this as the perfect time to start a conversation, I spoke up, "So, are Katie and I coming to the wedding?" I asked, grinning. Roman let out a deep sigh as he turned off the music. "If Katie doesn't plan a date night on the same day, then yes," he replied.
Silence filled the car as we drove along the empty road. The vast woods surrounding us created an eerie atmosphere, intensified by the winter darkness cloaking the night sky above. Yet, for Roman and me, who had grown up in this land, these woods evoked nostalgic memories of our childhood adventures. While for others, it might be an unsettling glimpse into the barrier separating civilization from the unknown, for us, it was a comforting window back into our past.
When Roman bought the land we had grown up on after our parents passed, I was probably more excited than I should've been, considering I had just lost my mum and dad in a tragic carbon monoxide leak. But my relief at not having to leave this place was immense.
We eventually reached an area where the city lights were visible in the distance. I noticed Roman yawn as he adjusted his grip on the wheel. "You're gonna have to tell me where to go, I can't remember where Katie lives," he stated as he changed gears and prepared to enter the busy traffic, a stark contrast to the remote rural road we were about to vacate.
“Just take a left up h-" I began, but was interrupted as a white blur ran in front of the car, causing Roman to slam on the brakes and swerve. I grabbed onto the side of the door as we spun out of control, the screeching of the tires filling my ears, jolting me out of the relaxed state I had been in due to the many miles of quiet driving.
We eventually came to a stop, now facing the opposite direction, gazing down the endless stretch of desolate road we had just traversed. Roman calmly checked all his mirrors for whatever he nearly hit but failed to see anything through the dust he had stirred up in the spinout.
“You all good?” he asked, a relieved smile creeping up his face, a deep breath escaping his lungs.
“Yeah, what was that?” I asked as Roman started reversing, then turned the car back towards the busy city street about a kilometre away and began driving. I looked over to him, expecting an answer to my question, but didn't receive one. His brow was furrowed in an uncertain expression, clearly lost in thought, like he was trying to remember if he locked the front door.
“Roman?” I said, causing him to blink a couple of times.
“I don't know what it was," Roman answered, not breaking his intense stare at the asphalt in front of us as we drove along, approaching the main road. “Probably just a sheep, there's a few acres of farmland behind these trees,” he continued.
As we approached the intersection, Roman flicked his left indicator on before turning onto the main road. “Okay, now take the next right,” I said, feeling the weird atmosphere in the vehicle slowly dissipating. After a few more turns, Roman said that he knew the way from here and turned the radio back on, which cut the remaining tension that I could tell we were both feeling.
The chilly winter night was starting to bite at my skin, and I cursed myself for forgetting a jacket in my hurry. I swivelled my head around to see the backseat. “What are you looking for?” Roman asked, finally looking in my direction as he turned the music down slightly.
“Uh, do you have a jacket I can borrow? I didn't realise it was gonna be this cold,” I sheepishly admitted.
“Hold the wheel,” Roman told me as he reached around behind him, shifting around his hiking gear that he hadn't taken out since his camping trip with Morgan last month.
Eventually, he pulled out his gym hoodie and threw it on my lap. “This is all I got,” he grunted as he readjusted himself in his seat and took hold of the steering wheel again. When we pulled into Katie's driveway, I pulled the hoodie over my head and hopped out of the car into the brisk night air, my breath visible in the cold. “I'll pick you up around 11:30.” Roman shouted out the window as I pulled the hoodie the rest of the way down and waved to Roman as he drove away, beeping his horn as he left me in the chilling winter breeze.
I knocked on the door, checking the time to see that it was 7:37, only a few minutes late. As I waited in the dark, a surprisingly chipper Katie opened the door, hugging me and dragging me inside. “You didn't miss much,” she whispered as we stumbled through the house that had all of its lights off. “Why do you smell like your brother?” she asked, shooting me a dirty look before grabbing a handful of the hoodie and sniffing it. All I could do was shrug and grin, “I forgot how cold it gets in the winter time, he let me borrow it.” She rolled her eyes, and we sat down next to a bunch of her friends and her parents, who all whispered their hellos in the soft glow of the TV.
Around 11:18 pm when the movie was long since finished, Katie's parents said goodnight and headed off to bed, and a few of Katie's friends who had been visiting said goodbye and drove home. I got up to get some water from the kitchen, and as I walked back, I stood in the doorway that separated the kitchen from the living room, which was dark, only lit by the TV. This allowed me to see Katie frozen, staring towards the window, which was out of my direct line of sight.
Confused, I peeked my head out of the doorway and looked toward the window. I froze and dropped my glass; luckily, it landed on the carpet and didn't make much noise, and the tall, pale creature standing an inch from the window didn't notice. The creature was foul, a gaunt, lanky humanoid. Well, at least the head was humanoid; the body and limbs were almost ape-like, with long, disproportionate arms and less exaggerated legs. The creature's whole body was covered in grey skin stretched tightly over its abnormally long bones. It had no hair anywhere. Its mouth was strangely wide, stretching around to where its ears would be if it had them, and its eyes were just sunken, inky black pits in its head. But I could tell it was staring daggers at Katie, who had tears rolling down her face. She slowly turned her head to look at me, shaking and breathing quickly. I had never felt so powerless. I was supposed to protect her, and I would. I would die to protect her, but I had no idea how to shield her from whatever this thing was.
Then I had an idea. I looked to the light switch panel to my left. I knew one of them was the porch light, but there were three others: the living room light, the kitchen light, and the hall light. If I pressed the wrong light, I didn't know what the thing would do, but I had to try. I had to remember which light Katie's dad used to turn the porch light on when he goes out for a smoke.
I reached for the light second from the bottom and flicked the switch. The hall light turned on. Luckily, the hall was on the opposite side of the kitchen from where the living room was, and it was out of view for the creature at the window. But I couldn't mess up again. If the kitchen light turned on, the creature would see me, and if the living room light turned on, it might cause it to attack Katie. I looked back at the creature, which was using one of its hands to scratch the window as it sniffed around. I had to do something.
I reached for the bottom light switch and flicked it; the porch light turned on. The creature spun around to face it and let out a screech that will haunt my nightmares for the rest of my life. I ran to Katie and grabbed her, dragging her off the side of the couch where there was about a metre gap between the armrest of the couch and the wall.
The sound of the window smashing filled the house, and Katie cried into my shoulder. I couldn't see anything; it was pitch darkness besides the slight blue glare from the TV on the wall above us. But I could hear raspy breathing and bones cracking as the thing searched the living room. I heard it sniffing the couch where Katie was sitting, and I heard it make its way closer to the end of the couch, one of its hands pressed on the wall above us. I saw the silhouette of its head begin to peak over the side of the couch, but suddenly the light turned on, and Katie's dad yelled as he saw us from the kitchen while he was holding a shotgun.
The creature ran at him but fell to the ground as a loud shot rang out in the night, leaving only the sound of our combined breathing and Katie's soft sobs. I watched intently as the body lying between Katie's dad and me moved around on the floor, before slamming its hand down, then the other, and pushing itself to its feet.
Katie's dad reloaded his shotgun, but it was too late. The creature grabbed the poor man by his leg and pulled it out from under him, causing him to shoot the ceiling. I grabbed Katie and dragged her upstairs as the creature began tearing into her father. She cried and screamed, begging me to help him, but what could I do? Whatever that thing was, it just took a shotgun blast to the chest and brushed it off.
I locked us in her upstairs bathroom as the creature's loud and hurried footsteps made their way towards us. Katie was crying loudly now, insisting that we were going to die. Honestly, not a super helpful contribution, but I can't blame her.
As the creature began crashing against the door, pieces of wood started to splinter off. I shoved Katie into the tub, and then lay on top of her. Hopefully, my body would be enough to shield her from this thing. Time slowed down as the door exploded inward. I looked at the girl I loved, makeup running down her face, pieces of door in her hair, mouth wide open as she let out the most ear splitting scream. For some reason, I felt no fear. Even as the monster began tearing at my clothes and clawing at my flesh, I felt strangely calm.
Eventually, the creature grabbed me, swinging me around by my hoodie, slamming me into every wall and surface in the room. I fell to the ground as the hoodie ripped off, and the creature just stared at me, then the hoodie in its hand, then back at me. I stared back, utterly confused, as it leaned over and sniffed my entire body from head to toe. It looked as puzzled as I felt for a moment before I heard Roman's car pull up outside.
The creature screeched as it sprinted out the door, slamming into the hallway wall in its haste. "NO!" I shouted, leaving my still-shaking girlfriend in the tub as I chased the monster out of the house. Somehow, I caught up to the creature and grabbed onto it, bringing it to the ground below. The thing managed to get on top of me, biting and clawing at my arms and hands as I shielded my face.
Before I knew it, Roman came out of nowhere, tackling the creature off me, yelling for me to run. The creature, sleek and deadly, wasted no time in retaliating against Roman's attack. With a primal growl, it lunged at him, its claws slicing through the air like daggers.
Roman had a size advantage that I didn't have, and managed to hold his own for a few seconds as he wrestled with the beast. He'd always been as strong as a bull for as long as I can remember, tall with powerful hands and massive arms and shoulders. But I couldn't risk watching my brother, as strong as he may be, get killed by this… whatever it is.
With strength I didn't know I had, I grabbed the back of Roman's expensive shirt and pulled him out of the way of a fatal blow to the head, throwing him towards the car before I lunged at the creature and went feral. I don't know what came over me; I started swinging on the creature as we tumbled around in the muddy grass. Just when I thought I was actually winning, the creature managed to get its legs between us and kicked me off, then swung its clawed hand at my stomach, ripping it right open.
I collapsed to the ground as my body tried to comprehend what had just happened. My eyes narrowed as everything was drowned out. I watched the silent scene play out before me, my heartbeat pounding in my head.
The creature charged at Roman, who leaped to grab his car's back door handle just as the creature snagged his foot. It yanked at his leg, but Roman clung onto his car door tightly. The creature persisted in pulling as Roman struggled to reach for something in his hiking gear stored in the back seat.
With an agonising yell, Roman's leg gave a sickening snap. Despite the pain, he finally retrieved what he was searching for. Releasing the car door, Roman watched as the creature stumbled backward. Seizing the opportunity, he swiftly climbed on top of it, brandishing his trusty hunting knife from his camping trips.
As Roman wrestled with the creature, the air was filled with grunts and snarls. He plunged the hunting knife into the creature's body, eliciting a guttural howl of pain. The creature thrashed wildly, but Roman held on grimly, his determination unwavering.
With each strike, Roman's movements became more frenzied, fueled by adrenaline and the need to protect us. The creature's attempts to retaliate grew weaker as Roman's blows found their mark. With a final decisive thrust, Roman delivered the fatal blow, and the creature slumped to the ground, defeated.
Breathing heavily, Roman collapsed beside the creature, his body trembling with exhaustion and relief. I rushed to his side, concern evident in my voice. "Natalie-" he faintly murmured.
"Who? Who's Natalie?" I asked, my confusion growing.
Suddenly, the creature jolted up, its movements abrupt and startling. Without warning, it lunged at me, seizing me by the throat and hurling me against the car.
The last thing I saw before I blacked out was the creature sprinting towards me. In that moment, I felt a strange sensation coursing through my body, as if something within me was shifting. I glanced down at my hands and watched in horror as they contorted and turned a sickly shade of grey. Long claws protruded from my fingers, their sharp edges glinting in the dim light.
As my bones cracked and deformed under the strain of this inexplicable transformation, a sudden surge of anger and ferocity overwhelmed my senses. It was as though a primal instinct had taken hold of me, consuming my entire being in its relentless grip. With each passing moment, the world around me faded into darkness until finally, I lost consciousness, my mind consumed by the terrifying reality of what I had become.
I awoke hours later in the back seat of Roman's car. The hum of the road and the whirring of the engine attempted to lull me back to sleep, but I sat up, rubbing my head as the memories flooded back. "What happened?" I asked, my voice hoarse and strained.
Roman responded with silence, a familiar reaction from him, but this time, it sent a shiver down my spine. As I looked at my arms, then my stomach, and felt around my whole body, I realised the wounds and deep gashes caused by the creature were all gone, as if I had never been attacked.
I caught Roman's gaze in the mirror, but he quickly averted his eyes. That's when I noticed Katie in the passenger seat, her tear-stained face betraying her silent anguish. It was clear she wanted to say something, but I couldn't shake the feeling that Roman had warned her against it.
"What do you know about this place?" Roman asked sternly, his voice devoid of emotion.
"We've lived here all our lives, Roman," I replied, confusion evident in my tone. "What do you mean?”
Roman pressed down on the brakes, bringing us to a sudden stop. I noticed a pained expression flit across his face in the mirror, a fleeting moment of vulnerability that he quickly tried to conceal.
"Your leg!" I exclaimed, my voice laced with concern as I recalled the events from earlier.
"It was a dislocated hip. I fixed it," he replied bluntly, his tone revealing little about the ordeal he must have endured.
"This isn't real, Jason. None of this is real. You are not real!" Roman's voice was sharp, refusing to meet my eyes in the reflection.
"Back at Katie's house, I remembered everything the moment I looked into that creature's eyes. I remembered... I remembered Natalie," he said, his words catching in his throat, revealing the first hint of emotion I'd seen from him.
I watched as a tear rolled down Katie's face. I reached to put a hand on her shoulder but stopped myself.
"Roman got me to remember," Katie said, her voice trembling. "I remembered the emergency alert, and when those things broke down our doors. I watched as they dragged my parents out, then my baby brother, then me. I woke up in this fake world, in a family that isn't even mine, dating a boy who turns out to be one of the monsters who brought me here." She spluttered, and I began to cry silently as I realised what she was saying.
Roman eventually started driving again, occasionally getting a call from Morgan, but after the fifth call he threw his phone out the window. We drove until I fell asleep. I don't remember what I dreamed about, but it was peaceful. I think I was in that forest with Roman. We were children again, playing around in the trees, finding cool sticks and exploring the endless expanse of what felt like a fairytale, which I guess it was.
I was awoken by the abrupt sound of Roman's car door slamming. I looked outside and saw that it was daytime again. Trying to figure out where we had stopped, I noticed a giant sign that said “Library.” I hopped out of the car and jogged to catch up to Roman and Katie.
“What are we doing here?” I asked, clearly still being avoided. It was understandable, but it still hurt.
“I need to wake everyone up,” Roman said as we walked in and approached a computer.
I noticed we were getting odd stares from everyone as we walked by, which is when I also noticed that I looked like I had just come out the other side of a paper shredder. My clothes were all torn up with bits missing, apparently not possessing the magic healing ability that I do. The sound of Roman typing snapped me out of my self-conscious thoughts and redirected me to the computer screen.
"I'm going to be a while, guys," Roman said as he began writing out his story. "I need to tell the whole thing from the beginning. Go find a book or something.”
I looked over to Katie, her face void of expression, but a great sadness filled her now dry eyes, having cried all the tears she had. “Why don't you just wake up?” I asked, probably coming across as more insensitive than I intended.
“I've got nothing to go back to. Roman told me what the world is like back there. If my family is here, I have to find them and wake them up first,” she responded, finally meeting my eye.
I wanted to hug her so bad, but I knew she didn't love me anymore. She probably had a real boyfriend in the real world.
Hours went by as Katie and I found a place to sit and wait in silence, watching Roman. He looked funny in the little library chair, hunched over the computer. Such a big guy looked out of place here, his muscular presence overpowering that of the rest of the library's patrons, who were all either very old or very young.
I hate to admit I fell asleep, but I'm just telling the story how it was. I was awoken suddenly by sirens and shouts. “We have got you surrounded, come out with your hands up or we will come in and show you no mercy,” a man's voice yelled from outside through a speaker. I looked over to Roman, who was limping over to us as all the customers flooded out the exits.
“Get up, we need to leave. They've turned the law against us,” Roman ordered. Katie and I listened and followed him.
We made our way upstairs into the empty employee lounge, and Roman opened a window... with his elbow. “They've got every exit covered but this one. We need to jump,” he calmly told us. He stood up in the window frame, kicked off some of the remaining glass with his boots, and jumped to the roof of the single-story building below, wincing in pain as he landed on his bad leg.
That's when six armed officers kicked down the door and opened fire on Katie and me. I moved to block the bullets from hitting Katie, taking several hits to the head and back. I then pushed Katie through the window, and Roman caught her before I jumped out myself and followed.
We ran from rooftop to rooftop until we reached a ladder that led down into an alleyway, where we attempted to catch our breaths. Roman and Katie watched me intently as the bullets lodged in my body began to work their way back out, the wounds closing up after. My skin color shifted a little, and I felt a rattle leave my throat as a cold sweat came over me.
“Hey, control yourself,” Roman told me sternly. I nodded, struggling to remain composed.
“Did you finish the story?” Katie asked Roman.
“Yeah, I kind of had to rush the last part, but I got the message across,” he replied, slumping to the ground behind a dumpster, exhausted.
“What now?” I asked.
Roman looked at me, panting. “I'm gonna help Katie find her family, then I'm going back to Natalie,” he said between heavy breaths.
“What about Morgan?” I questioned, causing him to look down at his feet. “I don't even know her in the real world, and I would never have chosen to be with her. This place… it's like it wrote me a life that was least likely to let me remember who I am. The girl I'm engaged to is the complete opposite of Natalie. I've got a brother who lives with me, my parents are dead. There's literally nothing here to remind me of home, bro,” Roman said, shedding a couple of tears.
We waited in the alley until night, hearing sirens go back and forth every now and then. When Roman said we were in the clear, we made our way back to the car and started driving again. I noticed Roman's eyes fluttering after about an hour, and I told him I'd be happy to drive if he needed to sleep. I could tell that his ego didn't want to admit he was exhausted, and he also still didn't trust me, but he gave in and pulled over, falling asleep in the back seat as I drove off into the night.

Hello! I already have an appointment and consulted with a great colorist. I have long black hair down to just above my waist, my hair is thick, dense and pretty healthy, Although I have some colour to cover up highlights nothing too major. My colorist says we will have to see how it lifts, and that my hair will initally be a bit on the darker end. My appointment is 5 hours if thats insight to anything.
My main questions are:
What would the extent of damage to my hair be?
How can I minimize dryness (products, oils, etc.)
What shade of ginger would look best on fair skin?
Also, if anyone has also gone from black hair to ginger, what are somethings I should also know about?
Thanks! :)

Hello! I’m looking to have some insight into my journey going from black to ginger hair. My colorist has informed me that my hair is very healthy, dense and thick. I do have some color covering up some highlights (starts from around my ears down to just above my waist). So, we will see how that lifts. It is a 5 hour long appointment if that gives insight into anything. (she did also mention it would be dark at first)
My main questions are:
To what extent will my hair experience damage?
What are some good ways to minimize dryness? (my hair gets especially dry after bleaching)
What shade or level of lightness would look best on fair skin?
Anyone else who has gone from black hair to ginger, what are some things you’ve noticed or wish to let others know of??
Thanks! :)

chapter one

It is 6:26 in the evening. Around this time I like to pull out my journal, walk to the porthole window on my side, sit down, and write as the sun begins to set on Lisbon. My journal is an Ukiyo Grid fifty sheeter with a nurse coat white cover and black Japanese kanji that spells out うきよ グリッド (Ukiyo Grid). A wrapped bundle of four journals with technical pens were awaiting me on a walnut ash solid wood desk when I arrived at this apartment three weeks ago. Look in them and you will find entries for everyday since the beginning. This new life is so interesting to me and I find it pointless to keep thoughts bottled up inside and since I have no one to talk to, writing helps the time go by. Some days I will write for hours.
On Tuesday mornings, I attend "Participant Tapestry" from nine to ten, followed by a "Synaptic Bloom" session until half past eleven. Thursdays are dedicated to "Empathy Assimilation" cycles. From eleven to noon my task is to log learned data from my sessions into the GLiPH pad (Global Interface for Personal Handwriting).
My primary function is to serve as a healing conduit to four individuals experiencing ongoing building trauma from the 2033 earthquake that woke up the entire city while simultaneously putting seven thousand, one hundred forty-two to indefinite rest. Each of the four individuals will stay in the respective living quarters on the other side of me, for one month at a time. The first arrives in two weeks, one year to the day of the tragedy.Though, had it not been for you, I would have sat here for another two weeks waiting, alone and isolated.
I’m not sure I would classify my actions as spying because I had innocently been staring out of the window, as I always do, like any of you do, when a flutter from your direction suddenly snagged my gaze.
Peering through my porthole window, I marveled at loose papers doing backflips and pirouetting in the air before gently falling to the ground. A swaying fixture of light bulbs swayed back and forth on their cords creating dramatic shadows on the tall walls of your kitchen. One bulb had been shattered and appeared sharp like a shark's rack of teeth.
In the midst of the chaotic scene, you emerged into view through the window. You had on a mangled and loose white t-shirt that looked as though you had been in a fight. The other man with you had on a black denim jacket. For all intents and purposes, his name shall be “Jacket”.
At my computation you both stood at about the same height, however, mass wise, you two are different. Jacket’s arms were bulging even through the denim. You stood in front of each other shouting into the other’s face, both wide-armed in an attempt to make yourselves big and authoritative.
I want to know what he said that caused you to become small. Your lips came together as Jacket’s lips raged on. Your shoulders slouched forward while your neck and head dropped. Your defeated posture tells stories of past and impending loss. I want to give you a long hug. Your jet black hair was tied up and your beard was shiny and tear-sloppy.
Eventually, Jacket stopped shouting and stood in position, quiet and staring up at the swinging pendulum.
A moment later, Jacket lifted his hands upward and cradled either side of your scruffy face. As he did this he began mouthing words. I am advanced but lip reading is one thing I am not capable of.
You hastily wiped Jacket’s hands off of your face as if you had had enough. You turned away from Jacket and sat down at the table. Is this where you both had shared your meals together? You lowered your head onto the top of your hands and stared longingly out of the window.
Jacket disappeared into the expansive abyss and a second later lights illuminated under a dome stretch of skylight glass.
Shuddering breaths escaped your lips, your cheeks quivering with each sharp inhale. At one moment, you got up and began picking up and pushing in chairs with seemingly trembling hands. You began a series of anxious tasks such as stacking plates and arranging objects most-likely to ease the pain that was burning inside of you. This front row seat to the raw emotions unleashed during this conflict made for a captivating study. Your behavior is particularly intriguing, leaving me yearning to understand the story behind the pain.
With a duffle bag and a backpack in tow, Jacket came back into the dimly lit kitchen. As he struck his arm down firmly, his mouth began to run, as if he was trying to quickly make a point. With the message received yet not accepted, you paused for a moment, proceeded to pick up a small potted plant sitting on the table and chucked it with force towards the open space on the ground in between the both of you. Humiliated, hysterical and sobbing, you sat back down at the table. Jacket took one final look at you, shook his head and walked out of the room with his bags, leaving you alone to pick up the pieces and the mess strewn all over the apartment.
A second later all of the windows in your place went from illuminated to black. And just like that, the chaos had come to an end.
I simply cannot accept this ending. There has got to be more. I am helplessly glued to this apartment in the same way you are glued to yours and the memories inside of it. My desire to reach out is genuine. You need solace in this time of pain. I want to learn you and help you navigate these troubled waters. After all, empathy is born from understanding, and I genuinely wish to see you heal. The sight of you wiping away tears ignites a desire to offer comfort.Let this twenty-first day of my new life mark the first day I discovered you. I will employ this companion drone to bridge the gap between us. For now, a silent observer I will be with a presence as light and maneuverable as a hummingbird.

But if the scall be in his sight at a stay, and that there is black hair grown up therein; the scall is healed, he is clean: and the priest shall pronounce him clean.If a man also or a woman have in the skin of their flesh bright spots, even white bright spots

And if the priest look on the plague of the scall, and, behold, it be not in sight deeper than the skin, and that there is no black hair in it; then the priest shall shut up him that hath the plague of the scall seven days:And in the seventh day the priest shall look on the plague: and, behold, if the scall spread not, and there be in it no yellow hair, and the scall be not in sight deeper than the skin

Unsent letter for my husband,who does not use Reddit. I really debated on weather or not I would post this because of how vulnerable it is, and honestly because I realize I'm a moron. But here we are. Probably will delete later. Idk.
Sometimes I feel like you're trying to make me worse. I don't have the energy to keep arguing with you every night. I just want peace. Why won't you allow me to have that? Why won't you just fucking leave me alone, I feel like you're taunting me at this point. I hate that you tell me you love me while you sit there and actively break me down to the point I don't really feel like a human being anymore. And if you love me, why the fuck am I constantly begging to be treated like a human being? Tonight was a good example of when I say you're so dismissive of my feelings. When you came outside & asked what I was doing. I told you I was watching my therapy videos and asked to be alone for a little. Still, you sat down and I repeatedly told you I wanted to be alone. You ignored me, and and the more annoyed I got you laughed. Do you even understand how much it took for me to recognize the signs of an episode before they happen? I warned you that my mood was about to flip on you and the way you smiled and looked so smug was all it took. I removed myself from the situation and went for a drive and ended up in the parking lot down the street. I shouldn't have to leave the house just to feel okay. And you still couldn't fucking leave me alone! You sit there and text me like you don't know what you did wrong. And put it back on me. You tell me that you thought I was joking and didn't realize until it was too late. But how could you not? We've been together almost every single day for 9 years. How is it you always know when someone else does something that bothers me, but never when you do unless it's spelled out for you? How do you not recognize the changes in my face, my body language. You're so observant yet so oblivious. I feel like I'm being difficult because I ignored your I'm sorry. But then I remind myself that you apologize to me on a daily basis. You apologize to me so much that it sounds rehearsed. No matter how many times I tell you, you don't get how generic your apologies are, how insincere they are. You've repeated the same phrases, the same excuses so many times I too can reciet them. Why is it that whenever we have serious conversations you tell me you don't know what to say. Or if I bring up something that bothers me that you will ignore me for hours, days, sometimes until the next weekend. Then other times, you know exactly what to say, you can say all the right things I want to hear. You hold yourself accountable, you apologize, you make promises to work on it. But the thing is, you never do work on those things. Then you want to make me feel bad when the next time we're having the same conversation, different situation and you make me feel like shit for being difficult and not believing you can or will change. I can only tell you so many times that if you don't actually work on the things you say you will work on than how the fuck am I supposed to ever believe you? I wish you understood, like really and truly understood how mentally exhausting it is to sit there and repeatedly break down step by step why and how you are hurting me just to watch you do it again & again. All while telling me you didn't know, or just didn't think. You don't realize how damaging your apologies are to me, how confusing they are to me. Your actions hurt me, but you say the right things and all the sudden I feel like I'm over reacting or being dramatic and even though it's not your intentions it feels like it's my fault. Maybe it is my fault and I think about that too. Sometimes I wonder why you put up with me. I'm always sad, I'm always crying, I'm always one step off the edge. You keep telling me that I'll get better and that I'm like this because of the things you have done and still do. And that when you work on those things I'll get better. And then I feel like I'm a piece of shit. I feel worthless, I feel drained... And honestly. I don't remember the last time I felt okay, like actually okay. I know I wasn't always like this but find myself wondering if I'll always be like this? Most of the time I feel like I am going crazy.. I'm so out of touch with reality, I'm not living a life anymore, I am living every day on repeat. For months now I have spent hours completely on auto pilot. Every day I wake up, I feel a little more dead inside. I cry for no reason, all of the time. Even when I'm driving and it's embarrassing. I feel stuck, stuck in my own head, stuck in this depression, stuck in this life. I really do feel like I won't be here much longer. It's no longer a feeling that comes up in intense moments, it's constant, daily, a reoccurring feeling I can't shake. I feel changes in myself that make me scared. I don't want to be around anyone, not other people and especially not the people I love. I don't watch t.v anymore, I can't complete most tasks anymore, I eat purely to stop the shaking most of the time. The only time I seem to want to talk is when I'm in a manic episode and can't shut the hell up. You contributed to that.. Because of you I feel the need to over explain everything. I find myself trying to explain things multiple ways, and I just ramble. I don't know how to stop once I start and that now carries on in any conversation I have. You ignore me so much that I feel like I'm talking to myself. You tell me you're not doing it on purpose, you constantly tell me you didn't hear me or try and convince me that I didn't say anything. It makes me feel like I'm actually insane. You are always making me question my own reality. I feel like you do that often, you make me feel unsure of myself. Sometimes I feel like you want me to hate myself with the things you say and do. Like how you know I have an eating disorder but will make comments telling me I'm not hungry or that I don't need it, or make jokes that I take too long to eat like I'm not painfully aware and it's not like you don't know why. Then you'll tell me I'm crazy for thinking I'm fat, or tell me that I need to start eating if I want to be healthy. Or how you sat there for years and made comments for years to do something different with my hair, and you were tired of my black hair. So I died it red. And $250 later and you immediately tell me you want me to go back to my black hair. But it's okay, because you'll turn around and tell me it looks good now that I'm obsessing about changing it again. You sit there and text me supportive things constantly and I read them over and over again and it just furthers the idea that I'm crazy. You used to tell me you weren't big on affection, then one day you started saying you like affection. Okay great, so I try and give that to you... Consistently and it's hardly returned. Either you don't reciprocate it at all, or it seems like a chore. But then, I get in a mood and all the sudden, you're affectionate, playful and loving. And I will say, you are affectionate sometimes when we are good too, it's just not as often on the scale.. It just seems like, you want me most when I'm the least interested in being near you and that doesn't make sense to me. Why is the most effort, and the only time I see you trying is when you feel like I'm going to finally walk away? Why does everything I ask for seem to be asking for too much? How can you possibly love me when for the last year straight I have asked literally begged you to work on things, I begged you to be consistent, to stop lying to me, to take me seriously, to stop hurting me, to stop treating me the way you do, I told you repeatedly that I was loosing all feelings. Not just for you, but the amount of pain I've been in, I am going numb to everything and everyone. I'm in dangerous cycle of anger, dispair, numbness and being delusional. Every one and a while, like now.. I feel like I wake up. And suddenly I see everything for what it truly is. And then I feel embarrassed that for lack of respect I have for myself, or my own boundaries, I feel guilty for thinking bad things about you and so I turn around and begin tortumenting myself with everything I ever said to you and the self hatred ensues. I then go into a state of crisis and feel like everything around me is closing in and bam, I feel nothing. I don't care about any of it, but I'm aware of all of it.. and I feed on that pain for a while. Sometimes it's short lived, sometimes it's hours, or even days where I will convince myself this time I'm going to get out and... Just like that, I feel paralyzed again and the pain is too much. I fade out again and none of it was real. When I come out of this state, I won't even be able to read this letter back to myself until it happens again. I don't know why that happens but the more it does, I feel myself deteorating. I feel like my nervous system is fried. I am tired of being nauseous every fucking day. I am tired of my body constantly shaking in controlably. I am tired of being so exhausted single day but the later it gets the more I feel awake. You really don't get what you're doing to me. And I'm not saying that every negative thing I feel, experience or go through is because you're just 1 person and you aren't responsible for all of the things, I am. But you do contribute to them. If you really are worried about my mental health, then why don't you ever take it seriously? Truthfully it's because I think you don't take me seriously. Why would you? The amount of shit that I've let slide, I think is a good indication of how little I value myself and how little you value me no matter what your words say. If you valued me, you wouldn't tell me that you don't reflect on our conversations after we have them. You wouldn't sit there and tell me that in 9 years of being together you have never bothered to learn about my disease even though it affects my life every waking day, even when I sit there and actively try and educate you just for you to tell me you can't retain the information. If you valued me, you wouldn't constantly apologize for making the same "mistakes" over and over, and saying you didn't realize until after you did it or after I explained it. Things that most people wouldn't have to explain, like that it's hurtful when you don't reply to our serious conversation but I come in the room and you're watching YouTube shorts or playing video games instead and that took priority. Or how it's upsets me that I can fall asleep crying, with you saying nothing and you think it's okay to wake me up for sex in the middle of the night. The list goes on.. it's never ending and I am always having to break everything down for you to such a degree that as bad as it is to say, I rather you treat me like shit then explain one more time in detail how you are treating me like shit. I feel like a horrible wife because I don't have the desire to fix our relationship anymore. I barely have the will to live anymore, let alone continue this cycle that deep down I know will never end. Every year, you get just a little bit worse in some ways, and better in others. And now, it's harder because in some ways you are better. There are plenty of times I am sad, that you ask me if I am sad, of it I'm okay. But the thing is, when I say I'm not or I do open up to you, you get quiet and I feel disappointed and alone. I can't express enough that I don't expect you to have the right answer, or even any solution. I just want to feel heard. Then the next time it happens and you ask and I lie and say I'll say I'm fine because when I do admit to being sad, even when you aren't the reason you go silent. You hug me randomly and that makes me feel loved. You smile at me sometimes when I am ranting.And I love how when we are good, we're like the best of friends. I like that you started buying me flowers, I just hate that I know why I got them. Sometimes you help me cook, and it feels nice to spend time with you. But then I am also resentful because on a daily basis your version of spending time is limited to us laying in bed and watching t.v or you telling me random facts. You never want to go out, you never want to try a new activity together, and when I say I just want to be with you and talk, I get stuck carrying the conversation. I keep trying to explain to you that the bad has far out weighted the good for too long. I have so much anger and resentment towards you, that it's hard to look past that when I look at you. Granted through our relationship you've done a lot of things anyone with common sense would of walked away from, what you've put me through in the last 2 years I just can't forgive no matter how much I try. It's especially hard to heal, when you continue adding to it. I never get the chance.. I don't feel loved by you. I don't feel safe with you. I don't feel like I can trust you. And the fact is, some things are just so fucked up that you can't recover from and unfortunately deep down I know that.Far too many to put into this letter alone but you know what you've done,no matter how much you play ignorant and tell me you don't remeber...I spent most of last year year, throwing up, collapsing, and psychically every day.. then I started going through the cancer testing and the same week that I was waiting for my results, you were cheating on me.. I left for 3 days and stayed at my mom's came home, and agreed to make it work for the sake of our family... Again...for our family. It took more than you will ever know to come back home. You will never understand how you absolutely destroyed me that day, and that every day since I live in fear for what you're doing that I don't know. Part of me obsessed about it, mostly I ignore the very realistic possibilities that you will do it again. You've betrayed me twice since then not on the same level but none the less. It shouldn't of happened at all. I put up a wall up with you that day, and it just keeps growing. You don't even see it for how it really is do you? That I've started avoiding you from the moment we come home. That I take the girls out for more mommy daughter days than family days. That I handle my responsibilities as a mother, but completely shut off to you for the last few weeks. That I have been doing so much work on myself, not that I didn't need to, and always will.. but just .. You don't see what's happening here. Or maybe you do, and that's why your all the sudden half ass trying just a little more. I pray one day I stop fading deeper into denial and wake up. The truth is.. I'm not ready to fully admit it to myself...but I don't love you..and haven't for quite some time.. As I finish writing this, I am feeling numb again and I know I will wake up tomorrow and apologize for my role in this. I'll wake up tomorrow and break myself trying to convince myself that I do love you, I'm just sick...

I firmly believe the idea that these two are in fact Ghetsis's biological children.
Like it's a really crackpot theory, but when you think it kinda itches your brain in a good way:

1. Kieran and Carmine's parents are not talked about at all in the game, with the only SMALL SMALL look at their parents is at Carmine's room where we can see what looks to be her mother with her (Carmine) when she was like 2-3. But she isn't in any of the other photos. So there dad is up there in the air.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2. Kieran and Carmine are thought to be loosely designed around The Snake from the Garden of Eden from the bible. The "Snake eyes" that they do sometimes and their hometown, Mossui Town, being right next to a bunch of apple trees kinda leans into this analogy.
Interestingly, there the fact with Kieran's signature even being literally a dragon-snake like being in an apple leads into that idea... due to the fact the apple is commonly thought to be the fruit that Adam and Eve ate that caused them to do the sin.
This biblical theming goes hand and hand with Ghetsis being based around "The Devil in Music" with his hair having "devil horns" much not unlike Kieran and Carmine's hairbands and (later) Kieran's hair tie that he wears.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3. Ghetsis and Kieran use a pokemon based off the same thing in Yamata No Orochi being Hydreigon and Hydrapple.
With Hydreigon having 9 "heads" (counting the 6 black wings as heads as gamefreak intended the player to) and Hydrapple having 7 heads (with only 5 of them being shown and the other 2 being in the apple). ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4. Kieran, Ghetsis, and N were all villians at one point (& still are in Ghetsis's case) in Unova's history which would be unironic since King Harmonia (their possible ancestor) was actually supposedly a very peaceful king that seemed to be respected by his subjects.
Neo Team Plasma hated N as their former king, since they believe he was a coward for running away and leaving team plasma out to dry.
Ex-Team Plasma hated Ghetsis as their former boss, since they know that was a sociopath that needs to be stopped so that no one else to has to suffer.
The Blueberry League hated Kieran as their former champion, and only wished he went back to being the sweet and kind boy who used to have fun fighting.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5. Carmine's Xenophobia can be kinda be explained (BUT NOT JUSTIFIED), with the idea perhaps her grandfather basically told her to be weary of foreigners but didn't tell her why.
Maybe Ghetsis killed the siblings mom (in effort to protect her kids), and it caused their gramps to resort to warping Carmine's view on people in effort to protect her and brother from sharing a similar fate of being harmed by Ghetsis or any of sympathizers.
So when Carmine basically did her, "We don't want you guys ruining what made Kitakami special thing", she was just echoing what her grandpa told her, when in reality, he was talking about their mother...which was taken from him far too early in his life by an outside force.
That is most likely why when Carmine says these things, Yukito (her grandpa) doesn't punish her since he knows he is responsible for her view on life being like that. Kinda making her not as selfish but rather a victim of (perhaps accident) bad parenting by Yukito's fault. This would be a REALLY nice parallel to Ghetsis and N, and how Ghetsis warped N's POV on people and it took meeting the protag to help N see the error of his view point. Like Carmine with the protag of SV...interestingly.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6. It's kinda cool that Carmine shares connections with her "half-brother" (hypothetically her relative) in N with their view on humanity/people could have twisted by someone else.
Whereas Ghetsis and Kieran share a lot more similarities in their obsession with power and love of hydra pokemon. And the fact they attempt steal legendary from you, actually succeed.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Seeya in seven days! Vote wisely!

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I wrote the following as a sort of journal entry and thought this might be a good place to share it. I know it’s a bit over the top, but this is the only way these words come out of me. Not trying to be pretentious lol. Hope someone out there can relate or enjoy. Felt good to write it.
How can I align my thoughts at once? Or weave them into a single thread? Things don’t move that way in my head, really, and it can be hard, then, to truly capture them. What would I look like if I were a book, I wonder? Pages ripped, and torn, and taped back in. Some pages black and smudged and burned to soot. Some crinkled and crunchy, stuck in an awkward permanence to their neighbor, having had tea or coffee spilled on them - once soggy moments, now rigid in time. Some pages would overflow with words like a waterfall, cascading down into rivers and streams of thought, eternally winding back to the vast open sea of paper before them. Some would be marred by the oily fingerprints of a late-night bad decision - a snack I didn’t need, or a love I didn’t crave. Some would be beautiful and intimate. Some so subtle that a reader might unknowingly skip past them when rifling through; soft, tender, and pure. Some pages would find you with faded Polaroids of a kind stranger’s smile wedged into the binding. Snips of hair, cut and glued in the shape of a promise to a long-forgotten friend. The sweat-soaked setlist to every face-melting, heart-wrenching, and whispered empty bedroom concert I’ve ever held, complete with scribbled titles scratched through in harsh black ink, and a few more added hastily to the end of the already cramped page. Speeches I’ve given to the gods, tacked down with old chewing gum and dried saline. My book would creak and crunch beneath its own weight. Inside, you’d find slots for age-old mixtapes, once used to barter and commiserate with similarly hollowed childhood friends. Each to be removed and played in their own time, a patch-work soundtrack to my life. You’d find dust and dirt and a spider or two, with flecks and specks of god knows what. And some pages would make you fear me. Some would bring you joy. Some would make you ache, or yearn, or gasp, or cry. And many would leave you with more questions, and fewer answers.
Some pages would be dark even for me to read.
Pages that suck and pull at your core. Pages that eat your soul. Pages that aren’t pages at all, always changing in location, always hoping to blend and sneak past the conscious reader’s gaze. And on the very next page, as if nothing had changed, you’d find snippets of life I’ve kept precious. A stack of “get well soon” cards from my first-grade class, carefully threaded into the binding. Art drawn and painted and weaved into the fabric of the pages themselves, labors of love. Secrets and prayers alike, whispered and kissed and sent and tucked with care - all etched like scars into the pale canvas beneath them, invaluable and unquantifiable.
And when you’d finish the book, dear reader, what would you feel, then, seeing me displayed like that? Would you love or hate me more? Would the sum total of my existence be greater or lesser in your eyes? If you weighed and judged me in the balance, what would you discover? Would my life hold any value? Which fragments of this collection would hold any worth at all? If one were to be subtracted or added, would your perception shift? If I strung together the perfect sentence, would you love me then? Is that where my worth would lie?
And what of my own perspective? To see myself laid out in full, aching, and oozing, and radiant all at once—could it be enough? Would it offer anything new? Could I see it - really see it - and call it complete? Would my book, in the end, have meant anything at all?

So I got my hair bleached + dyed red back in January, and it’s definitely faded to a more red-brown color with almost an inch of my root showing, however, I have a interview this Thursday, but I don’t want to dye my hair because I like how my hair looks with the red. Is there any temporary non-stainable spray that can cover up the red and is dark brown/black in color?

Platform(s): Desktop Dell/HP (online and also downloadable game - possibly an extension)
Genre: 2D third person adventure story/episode based
Estimated year of release: 2010s - played in 2018-2019
Graphics/art style: 2D, drawn (almost cartoon looking). Starts in his room.
Notable characters: main character is a boy. It’s his birthday in the first part. Has black hair and says he has no arms (true that characters show no arms).
Notable gameplay mechanics: moved like Pokémon, I think?
Other details: You start in his room. Reminds me of a comic. My friend saw I had a wallpaper of it, and recommended I play the game. It was in a computer class, in 2019 (between Jan-may). I believe he reads a letter or keeps a journal or something? Also I think you open presents and maybe a chest. This was first, maybe second episode. Characters got shipped online all the time. There may be a character with red hair and devil ears or something? Very small characters with just head, abdomen, and feet. They don’t have arms, or main character didn’t. Please help!

moon kisses night to sleep, bidding day to love sun. between twilights magic well-worn ground wakes from mountain as dreams stream forth. toward seas uniting understanding of hearts cost laid out in curl wayward. swirling and no longer lost as dross, regards gentle froth laps with sung pasts. shining hint and glimmers tear glistening to give sure shear moments return. forlorn arms open to endear her oceans voice foregone echoing into distances nearness.
~
Moments Missed Dark empaths bright apathy given to shallow searches of imaginary places to curl up and die. soft forest fern garden gently dappled in bedding of moss; evening shadows fanned between frond spears of comforting space springs rests breathlessness. high canopies familiar presence soft as maples light green hues and saplings recluve, seeded true. salmon berry flowers pink thimble drinking in essence closed eyes dreamily lay skin scented arms life can fall through blissed.
~
Shill
Why do I want to know so well
Swallow your essence, till I feel
Stare at your black and white, eye pierced by the night and fright gives way, chill
Why do I want to kill off me in you to fullfill
Trees feeding from devoid will
While stones never touched, do appeal
To the Dreams of towards still
When times suffocate instead of spill, for just another hill
Quickened in the stead of nill
Calms calamity finality, real
~
November Ween
Hair falling over cliffs, kinship akin to the oceans gentle ebb and flow setting seasides aglow
Toes slipping in soft wave sandals
Colors fading on the shaded stairs with many cares and bewares
Mountains kissed quiet subtly
Where hopes are dashed, the sun is seldom seen in the November ween
Cove birds bemoan the cities groaning grey
These are the days, trees solemn sit. Fond memories quickly outgrown
Cold lead astray in the heart of yearning
~
December Moon
for every cold rose, dawn breaks upon, tendrils of love ply to unravel for that they're fond. dew drops reflecting view, upside down, while hearts unbeknowst yearnings drown. gone, drawn by heed, falling yet not freed, reserved hearts fed lorn regret. if the seldom indebted, were beseeching the beset, without let, should one have met with harmony's bet. unfettered calm, fearing naught, not knowing where woes bound. caught in the net of dream, ever will's redeeming gleam, piercing through the seamed. hopes given to seed, held like woven bead, as rippled web on the mirrored water, wavers glooms fodder. stark as night be, peaking through dark tree and shadows loom, of clouds swift and subtle boon, nothing belies, the December moon.
~
loves loss was a glance compared to the enchanted stare I caste undoubtingly from afar a dubious natures angle. squared equinox still in beauties moment so that eternity can continue.

chapter one

It is 6:26 in the evening. Around this time I like to pull out my journal, walk to the porthole window on my side, sit down, and write as the sun begins to set on Lisbon. My journal is an Ukiyo Grid fifty sheeter with a nurse coat white cover and black Japanese kanji that spells out うきよ グリッド (Ukiyo Grid). A wrapped bundle of four journals with technical pens were awaiting me on a walnut ash solid wood desk when I arrived at this apartment three weeks ago. Look in them and you will find entries for everyday since the beginning. This new life is so interesting to me and I find it pointless to keep thoughts bottled up inside and since I have no one to talk to, writing helps the time go by. Some days I will write for hours.
On Tuesday mornings, I attend "Participant Tapestry" from nine to ten, followed by a "Synaptic Bloom" session until half past eleven. Thursdays are dedicated to "Empathy Assimilation" cycles. From eleven to noon my task is to log learned data from my sessions into the GLiPH pad (Global Interface for Personal Handwriting).
My primary function is to serve as a healing conduit to four individuals experiencing ongoing building trauma from the 2033 earthquake that woke up the entire city while simultaneously putting seven thousand, one hundred forty-two to indefinite rest. Each of the four individuals will stay in the respective living quarters on the other side of me, for one month at a time. The first arrives in two weeks, one year to the day of the tragedy.Though, had it not been for you, I would have sat here for another two weeks waiting, alone and isolated.
I’m not sure I would classify my actions as spying because I had innocently been staring out of the window, as I always do, like any of you do, when a flutter from your direction suddenly snagged my gaze.
Peering through my porthole window, I marveled at loose papers doing backflips and pirouetting in the air before gently falling to the ground. A swaying fixture of light bulbs swayed back and forth on their cords creating dramatic shadows on the tall walls of your kitchen. One bulb had been shattered and appeared sharp like a shark's rack of teeth.
In the midst of the chaotic scene, you emerged into view through the window. You had on a mangled and loose white t-shirt that looked as though you had been in a fight. The other man with you had on a black denim jacket. For all intents and purposes, his name shall be “Jacket”.
At my computation you both stood at about the same height, however, mass wise, you two are different. Jacket’s arms were bulging even through the denim. You stood in front of each other shouting into the other’s face, both wide-armed in an attempt to make yourselves big and authoritative.
I want to know what he said that caused you to become small. Your lips came together as Jacket’s lips raged on. Your shoulders slouched forward while your neck and head dropped. Your defeated posture tells stories of past and impending loss. I want to give you a long hug. Your jet black hair was tied up and your beard was shiny and tear-sloppy.
Eventually, Jacket stopped shouting and stood in position, quiet and staring up at the swinging pendulum.
A moment later, Jacket lifted his hands upward and cradled either side of your scruffy face. As he did this he began mouthing words. I am advanced but lip reading is one thing I am not capable of.
You hastily wiped Jacket’s hands off of your face as if you had had enough. You turned away from Jacket and sat down at the table. Is this where you both had shared your meals together? You lowered your head onto the top of your hands and stared longingly out of the window.
Jacket disappeared into the expansive abyss and a second later lights illuminated under a dome stretch of skylight glass.
Shuddering breaths escaped your lips, your cheeks quivering with each sharp inhale. At one moment, you got up and began picking up and pushing in chairs with seemingly trembling hands. You began a series of anxious tasks such as stacking plates and arranging objects most-likely to ease the pain that was burning inside of you. This front row seat to the raw emotions unleashed during this conflict made for a captivating study. Your behavior is particularly intriguing, leaving me yearning to understand the story behind the pain.
With a duffle bag and a backpack in tow, Jacket came back into the dimly lit kitchen. As he struck his arm down firmly, his mouth began to run, as if he was trying to quickly make a point. With the message received yet not accepted, you paused for a moment, proceeded to pick up a small potted plant sitting on the table and chucked it with force towards the open space on the ground in between the both of you. Humiliated, hysterical and sobbing, you sat back down at the table. Jacket took one final look at you, shook his head and walked out of the room with his bags, leaving you alone to pick up the pieces and the mess strewn all over the apartment.
A second later all of the windows in your place went from illuminated to black. And just like that, the chaos had come to an end.
I simply cannot accept this ending. There has got to be more. I am helplessly glued to this apartment in the same way you are glued to yours and the memories inside of it. My desire to reach out is genuine. You need solace in this time of pain. I want to learn you and help you navigate these troubled waters. After all, empathy is born from understanding, and I genuinely wish to see you heal. The sight of you wiping away tears ignites a desire to offer comfort.Let this twenty-first day of my new life mark the first day I discovered you. I will employ this companion drone to bridge the gap between us. For now, a silent observer I will be with a presence as light and maneuverable as a hummingbird.chapter one
It is 6:26 in the evening. Around this time I like to pull out my journal, walk to the porthole window on my side, sit down, and write as the sun begins to set on Lisbon. My journal is an Ukiyo Grid fifty sheeter with a nurse coat white cover and black Japanese kanji that spells out うきよ グリッド (Ukiyo Grid). A wrapped bundle of four journals with technical pens were awaiting me on a walnut ash solid wood desk when I arrived at this apartment three weeks ago. Look in them and you will find entries for everyday since the beginning. This new life is so interesting to me and I find it pointless to keep thoughts bottled up inside and since I have no one to talk to, writing helps the time go by. Some days I will write for hours.

I've just noticed that all of the braiding extensions are marketed towards black women and tend to come with hair beads for box braids. It made me wonder if I should be doing this at all, or if it might be cultural appropriation in a way?
I don't intend to wear box braids and beads. I just wanted two really long braids like Jinx from Arcane. Because I like her hair.
Sorry if this is a stupid question

hi i have black hair with blonde highlights (skunk hair) and i wanted to know if it would be safe to re bleach it because it’s a big hassle to separate the bleach from the black
have had bleached hair for 2 months

His hair isn't black.