Actully post 18 but it won't let me fix the title.
Moving part 1
Hello internet. I meant to post this sooner. Honestly, these can be hard to write because I'm trying to say what happened without making too long from all the details. And it gets a bit emotional for me. Just a little reminder- My spelling isn't the best, so definitely let me know if something turned out weird.
Just a warning- this is going to be another long one.
So a few weeks ago, we moved military bases. DH (dear husband) is switching his job and needs 9 months of schooling/training at this new base. During the move, there ended up being about a 15-day period where we wouldn't have a home. Because of that, we decided to stay with my parents for that duration. This meant 15 days of being in the same town as my inlaws.
SIDE NOTE- THIS COMES UP LATER
Now, a month before this, JNSIL (Just No Sister Inlaw) TOLD us that she, JNFIL (Just No FatherInlaw) , and Grandma were going to visit us a week after we moved. Not just a little day trip but a whole 3 days. This wasn't even to help us unpack, but to celebrate JNSIL'S birthday. There were so many reasons this wouldn't work out. We would be unpacking settling in while DH would be starting classes. When we obviously told her that wouldn't work out. JNSIL, being JNSIL, started saying stuff like " What do you want us to do, just sit in our houses all alone?" As if there wasn't any other way for her to celebrate her birthday. She made it clear she was going to our area for her birthday whether or not we saw her. Fine with us- we just didn't want to be harassed the whole time about how terrible we are for not seeing them. In the end, we agreed to one dinner because DH really wanted to support JNFIL since his wedding anniversary with JNMIL was coming up (JNMIL just passed 3 months before).
Anyways, I was actually pretty stressed about us going to our hometown. When talking to my psychiatrist (who I see for ADHD medication), she actually prescribed me a sedative for when I'm around them.
DH assured me that this time would be different. He said we'd spend more time with my family and wouldn't be at the beck and call of his. We would still see his, but it would not be the sole focus. We even came up with a safe word for if the visits with his family became too much for me. This was actually recommended by my therapist. I actually started seeing him for some trauma I experienced while working at a school, and during our sessions, my inlaws came up and became a frequent topic.
Anyways, DH was true to his word, and we actually, for the most part, had a great time. This was impart because we spent limited time with his family. But the whole 4 interactions we did lead to some of the most drama filled experiences of my life.
To help things make sense, I'm just going to break this down by event.
1) Lunch.
So, halfway through our stay, DH and I went to have lunch with JNFIL and Grandma. It was nothing special, just a quiet lunch at a local fast food restaurant. It wasn't a planned lunch either, just a last-minute thing. Outside a few negative remarks about the LGBTQ+ community, it wasn't too bad. DH did ask about JNSIL but was told she would be sleeping, and nobody wanted to wake her (she works the night shift). Turns out not inviting her was a big mistake. And if you think she would just communicate her hurt feelings like a normal adult, then you haven't been paying attention.
2) Breakfast Hell/ Chicken Coop
That Saturday, JNSIL calls DH at 7 in the morning to invite us to breakfast in an hour. DH and I talked about this previously. I think calling this early is disrespectful. It's not just DH anymore. There's also me to consider. And I have trouble falling and staying asleep. Not to mention that call woke up our 2 dogs and cat who now want fed and to go to bathroom. Also, it'd be a lot easier on me if they planned these things out at least a day before. I'd know that I needed to go to bed earlier, and over all, it'd give me time to prepare for an early breakfast. I don't think that's too much to ask.
DH told JNSIL no, we would not be going to breakfast. He told her it was because it was too short notice and we had a late night. (We were up till 3 am watching all of the Lord Of the Rings and The Hobbit movies since DH hasn't seen them before) When she heard that we've Bern up late, she started acting like the mother of a middle schooler. She was demanding to know what we were doing up that late.( It took everything thing in me not to yell that we were having crazy unprecedented sex- just to piss her off more) DH did agree to a late breakfast at 10.
Unfortunately, I didn't get to go back to sleep. The animals were up, and for some reason, JNFIL was calling. I was just so tired I couldn't even remember what was going on. Plus, this was back in March. What I do remember was DH promising to ask his family not to call before 8:30am and not after 9pm. I would have preferred 9am-8pm out side of life or death emergencies but I was too tired to fight on this.
So, we're at the restaurant, and it was full of people. JNSIL, JNFIL, and Grandma were there. After a bit of small talk DH brought up how we would appreciate not getting calls before 8:30am or after 9pm. He absolutely brought up what we talked about earlier, like how its not just him anymore, and how it also wajes up thd animals. JNSIL made the excuse that they came up with the plan to have an early breakfast last night so that they could build a chicken coop for JNFIL before it got too hot.
Now I don't know if it was because I was tired or just done with all their bullshit, but for once I actually jumpped in. I asked if they new since last night then why didn't they call or shoot us a text then? JNSIL started making excuses and how DH never calls her and how DH would know these things if he called.
(Side note. 1) DH doesn't want to call her. He wants to interact with her as little as possible. 2) both me and DH have severe ADHD. So if we don't physically see you, we will completely forget you exist. Mt family is aware of and don't make a big deal or get offended by it. My little sister will actually text me constantly so that were always uptodate with eachother.)
Being done with all of it I just look JNSIL in the eyes and tell her that the phone works both ways. I guess that just set her off.
She slammed her fist on the table in this crowded restaurant. I don't know what she was trying to do maybe to try and scare me. The whole place got quite as she started screaming at me how DH never calls and how we didn't invite her to lunch with JNFIL and Grandma the other day.
Now I don't know what got into me but in a calm steady voice, I once again looked her dead in the eyes and said "The phone still works both ways." She started screaming again even louder before getting up and walking out side. I don't have a clue how the hell staff didn't kick us out and straight up ban us from the establishment.
Honestly, I desperately wanted to leave myself but didn't want to pass or walk by JNSIL. Nobody at the table exknowledged what the fuck just happened. DH went on to ask JNFIL about the chicken coop. When JNFIL asked about if we'd be helping putting it together, DH said he would but I couldn’t because I had plans to go shopping with my mom. I hadn't really got yo spend time with my mom yet since shes been working all week. JNFIL just goes "Oh sure, I can't blame her for not wanting to be around us" in reference to JNSIL'S outburst.
JNSIL came back inside and ate her strawberry pancakes. Acting as if nothing happened. And that's how I got guiltied into making a chicken coop. Which instead of helping like she claimed she would, JNSIL spent the whole afternoon in the AC getting a new tattoo.
This is getting longer than I expected and there is still so much that happened. I think I need to break this up into 2nd post.

Hello worldbuilders!
Lately I've been working on the 'History' section of my lore book for The Duchy of Nyrheim, and I came up with a method I really like and thought I'd share it with you. I got the idea while reading some Marvel comics -- I've been collecting the best runs of the 2000s (happy to take recs) and noticed something interesting. When dealing with a story that has roots in Marvel's past (or even if they are writing those past events for the story at hand), they will often start with a flashback simply titled "Then" before shifting to a scene in the present titled "Now". I haven't to imagine that part of why they do this is the sliding time scale. But something about the simplicity of it all really spoke to me.
When writing the history of the region, I wanted a way to separate the events that have happened long ago from those whose impacts are being felt strongly in the present. These terms have helped me get there. I'm a little generous with the term "now..." which I use to cover the past 400 years or so, you can obviously set whatever threshold you like. But you can use this to set up some pretty exciting stories -- Then: Isildur killed Sauron, Now: It's Bilbo Baggins' eleventy-first birthday. It also maybe characterizes what may inform what are the ruins, treasures, or dungeons of your setting and what are the everyday societies and cultures found in the urban environments.
One last thing I'll add, I always include how many years ago something was and not just the date. If you are making your own timeline, the dates may just look like vague numbers to readers/players. By telling them how long ago something was, it puts it in relative terms they are more ready to understand. You can even use this method and be pretty vague about dates if you aren't ready to lock a timeline hard in stone. One version I had prior to this just used headings like "About 400 years ago", but I'd never break it down in increments less than 100s of years.
Here's what I've got right now for my setting, happy to expand on any information or answer any questions in the comments below! What would be the highlights of the Then & Now of your settings?

Then...

Explore the origins of the region, from ancient fey dominions through epic conquests and the rule of Nyrheim's first dwarven dukes. This section covers events from The Dark Age that occurred across the lands that now make up the north of the Floren Kingdom.
FALL OF THE FEY
Over 2,600 Years Ago (100s BCE)... For thousands of years, Elyndel's northwestern lands (then called Faen'tir) were dominated by elven tribes with other fey and kobolds scattered throughout the region. Though most of their conflict was with unseelie, giants, and humans, there was also scarce political unity between the elves. The Old Antum Empire, however, emerged from a collection of human tribes in the south. At the dawn of thew millenium, the Emperor's legions attacked with iron and fire against the might and magic of the fey. This conflict, known at "The Feywars" forever tipped the scales of power in Elyndel.
RISE OF RAYONNÉ
Over 2,300 Years Ago (200s CE)... Rayonné, was founded under the influence of the Antum Empire and quickly became a crucial trade hub. Strategically located on an island within a major river, Rayonné's natural defenses and prime location facilitated its rapid growth, even though it wouldn't even become the capital of Floren for over 2,000 years. The Antum Empire invested heavily in the city's infrastructure, constructing grand structures such as an amphitheater, public baths, and majestic temples. They also encouraged migration to the new city by offering incentives such as land grants and tax breaks to new freemasons.
SINKING OF MYR
Over 2,000 Years Ago (500s CE)... To escape political strife and external threats, many elves of Westernor began to emigrate to Brynthal. They brought with them a revival of their fey culture and arcane wisdom, establishing a thriving community in the region. Off the coast they built Myr, a magnificent island city built protected by enchanted barriers. However a warlock's dark pact led to the city's destruction, sinking Myr and its inhabitants into the abyss. The island's ruins, now a haunting legend of the deep, are a lure to adventurers seeking its lost treasures and secrets.
SHADOWS IN THE WEST
Over 1,700 Years Ago (800s CE)... After ravaging eastern and central Elyndel, Grotar the "Scourge of Orcus" turned his focus westward. General Gaius Tullarix of Old Antum was tasked with defending the region against the invading Shadow Horde and its ogre warlord. Recognizing the threat, General Tullarix rallied a broad coalition of various tribes in the Empire to confront the invaders. They clashed near Véreluce in northeastern Floren, fighting fiercely for hours without yielding. However, faced with staunch resistance and severe casualties, the Shadow Horde retreated, forcing Grotar to forgo his aspirations of conquests in the west.
OUT OF THE EMPIRE
Over 1,400 Years Ago (1100s CE)... After the collapse of Old Antum, the region fell into chaos. Afterward, humans of the Floren tribe moved in from the east. The Fontainian family, under the leadership of King Tharic, united the disparate tribes and transformed the region into the formidable Floren kingdom. Following Thalric's death, the Fontainain dynasty faced internal strife and political fragmentation, as his successors struggled to maintain the unity he had forged. This period saw a kaleidoscope of petty kingdoms, each vying for power and influence. But despite these challenges, the Fontainians managed to preserve their hegemony for centuries.
UNDYING ALLEGIENCE
Over 1,100 Years Ago (1400s CE)... King Calixte I's death divided Floren again: Prince Calixte II inherited the north and Princess Sera the south. When Calixte II slew the dragon Jarghul, he drew the interest of a valkyrie who had come for the fallen. The while, Sera was murdered by her power-hungry husband. Seeking vengeance, Calixte II turned to necromancy, creating an army where fallen foes would serve him in death. The valkyrie, now known as The Wild Hunt, gifted him a spark of her power, and just when they seized the south, the gods imprisoned her for oath breaking. Calixte II was later killed by agents of his brother-in-law's mistress.
DIVINITY AND DYNASTY
Over 800 Years Ago (1700s CE)... The Loralian Dynasty in Floren has roots tracing back to Gaston Loralian I, a chief household officer to the Fontainian kings. The family gradually gained power as the royal family's influence waned (they were derogatorily dubbed as "do-nothing kings"). The critical shift occurred when Gaston III, with the support of the Pontifex, deposed the last Fontainian king. The church then crowned him as the king of Floren, establishing a precedent the divine right of kings, a principle that would heavily influence Elyndean politics thereafter. This coronation also ensured protection for the emergent Sacral-Antum Empire against invasions.
THE NORTHERN RAIDERS
Over 500 Years Ago (2000s CE)... At the turn of the millennium, dwarves of the north begin a campaign of large-scale raiding, colonizing, conquest, and trading along the northern shores of mainland Elyndel. To counter the raids, the Floren King Etienne I ceded the Cormorin Peninsula to the neighboring elven duchy of Brynthal in exchange for military aid. However, the elven magics faltered, and the dwarven berserkers further entrenched themselves as a new, formidable power in the region. Within a century, the raids shifted from a seasonal occurrence to a constant stream.

Now...

As the Age of Enlightenment dawned, the dwarves of settling in Nyrheim navigated the tides of Floren politics, forging alliances and asserting their influence across the north. The events that transpired during these transformative years have left an indelible mark on the region's history and people.
A DWARVEN DUCHY
410 Years Ago (2177 CE)... During the height of the dwarven raids, an ambitious dwarf named Rolf led a fleet into the heart of the Floren Kingdom. After a brutal but costly assault, Rolf attempted to flee from the Floren cavalry, but was unable to board his ships. Instead, he formed a defensive wall by slaughtering his army's livestock. The enemy charge halted as their horses were terrified by the sight and stench. Stuck in a stalemate, the Florens decided to negotiate with the dwarves. In exchange for peace, the King Etienne III ceded the lands from Roann to the north coast. Rolf was crowned as the duke and given the name “Lionheart” for his bravery.
THE QUEEN'S CAPTIVE
232 Years Ago (2355 CE)... After Duke Rolf's death, the Floren Queen Aveline II betrayed her predecessor's pact with the dwarves by confining Rolf's daughter, Eyma, in Rayonné and seizing the duchy's lands. This sparked a revolt among her supporters, who stormed Aveline's palace and demanded her freedom. Eventually Aveline, claiming she was teaching her courtly manners, reluctantly released her. A decade later, Eyma and her allies defeated Queen Aveline in battle. She held her hostage until she recognized her as Duchess of Nyrheim, restoring her rule over the duchy.
TREASURE AND TREACHERY
109 Years Ago (2478 CE)... Dwarven raids on Alwyndon resumed, with raiders crossing the northern channel to Nyrheim where they sold their plunder. Duchess Eyma, defying a treaty her father Duke Rolf had signed with High King Brady of Alwyndon, secretly provided sanctuary to these raiders. This breach of agreement provoked an Alwyndan military response. King Brady ordered an attack on the Cormorin Peninsula, demanding Eyma's capture and extradition. However, the Alwyndan forces were unprepared for the swift and fierce counterattack by the Nyrman cavalry, resulting in their complete and utter defeat.
A SUDDEN DEATH
88 Years Ago (2499 CE)... When Duchess Eyma died, her daughter Ylvana took power and immediately implemented harsh reforms to solidify her authority, cloaked as measures to strengthen the duchy. Appalled by her tyranny, her younger brother Harek attempted a rebellion but failed. Ylvana captured him and in a show of "mercy", publicly amputated his left hand before forcing him to reaffirm his loyalty. Soon after returning to Roann, Ylvana met a mysterious sudden death, rumored to be from poisoning — suspicions fell on disgruntled nobles, her advisors, or even Harek. Ultimately viewed as a martyr, Harek ascended to the ducal throne, stabilizing the region.
FLIGHT FROM ALWYNDON
62 Years Ago (2525 CE)... Duke Harek orchestrated a major trade pact with Alwyndon, marrying his younger sister Marnyl to the King Adalwulf of Kelden. Out of these new bonds, the Maritime Freight Guild was born, which proved its worth a decade later when Sven "Stormcloak" and his forces invaded Kelden. As the situation deteriorated, Queen Marnyl and her family escaped on the last trade ships out of the country. In Nyrheim, they remained under Duke Harek's protection. When the King eventually passed, Marnyl was stationed as the Countess of Roann. There, she raised her sons in a noble court and prepared them for leadership.
THE DUKE'S BASTARD
34 Years Ago (2548 CE)... During one of his sojourns, Duke Harek was ensnared in a passionate affair. Though fleeting, the liaison bore fruit in the form of an illegitimate son—Waldron. The identity of his mother has been the subject of much speculation, but her identity remains unknown. Meanwhile, Waldron grew up amidst speculative whispers and the weight of expectation. The duke's court, a place where honor and lineage are held in the highest regard, viewed him with a mixture of curiosity and disdain. Yet, Duke Harek, with a defiance that had characterized his reign, acknowledged Waldron as his son and sole heir.
ERRS IN SUCCESSION
17 Years Ago (2570 CE)... In Floren, Prince Etienne V joined forces with his younger brother Adnot and their mother in a revolt against his father, the reigning king. However, following the king's demise, Queen Urilla shifted her support to Adnot as the rightful heir, leaving Etienne V to contend with his rebel sibling and a divided kingdom. Seeking support, Etienne turned to Nyrheim and found an ally in Duke Harek. Grateful for the duke's aid during this turbulent period, the newly established King Etienne V rewarded Harek with the counties of Martovia and Vinmoria, strengthening the bonds between Nyrheim and the Floren crown.
PRINCES OF THE PENTARCHY
This Year (2587 CE)... With the full might of his navy, Duke Harek launched an invasion of Kelden, aiming to restore the now elderly princes to their throne. Tragically, Prince Adalwulf II was captured by an earl in his kingdom. In a cruel act intended to disqualify him from kingship, Finnian brutally blinded him with red-hot pokers -- the prince later died from his grievous injuries. In the wake of this tragedy, Prince Edmund, rallied the thegns of Alwyndon and defeated Sven Stormcloak's forces with the crucial support of Duke Harek. Their victory led to the the reestablishment of the five kingdoms under the Alwyndan Pentarchy.

Back in 2017 a girl DM'd me on insta just for fun. We started talking as I was the teaching her younger sister at that time. We used to see each other during day and talk long hours in night. At her 1st birthday with me, I only wished her as there was nothing serious going on between us. That wish made her so happy, she cried and confessed that she likes me. There was just one thing that her family didn't like me at all idk why. Fast forward, we both knew that we like each other and confessed. I didn't had any girl friend before and she didn't had any bf before. We were first for each other. We didn't had any physical relations, we just talk about our future, our goals, our hobbies. We both proposed each other in Nov 2018, we both were so happy till 29 of June in 2019. We talked happily on our Instagram. The very next day, I found myself blocked from Insta and Whatsapp. I tried to contact her but no luck. 15 days later she told me that we should see other people. At that time, I didn't think much of it broke it up cause I was furious about disappearing suddenly. Only I know how I spent those 15 days without her. Just looking at my phone. I couldn't go to her house since they didn't like me there. After 4 months of breaking up with her and in covid i started missing her. Tried to contact her few times but got blocked. Saw her with some other dude back in 2022. I still miss her. There is no one in the world who knows about this. I can't discuss this matter with anybody since I still respect her privacy. This might sound crazy but I still imagine her as my wife. I am still stuck in 2018 and 2019 when we used to talk like bunnies. I still miss her. I don't know if she's in some other relation or got married but tears come to my eyes just thinking about her with someone else. Anybody knows how to overcome this feeling?

GUys just before I start, I would like some advice since I didn't make that clear on my previous post. I wont reveal my age for privacy reasons. lets get started.
I have this 'friend' named Kylie (fake name). So kylie snapped part of my sunglasses the first day I brought them the school. For context this is how the conversation went:
K: I love ur sunglasses!
Me: Aw ty I got them as a birthday present.
K: Where did u find it tho???
Me: Shein lol
K: Can I try them on???
Me: sorry no.
Kylie keeps insisting while I continue to say no. Next thing you know she rips them off my head and I have to literally battle her to get them back. She asks one last time while I'm battling her to get it back. I say NO once again and she still puts them on. I rip it off her head, she had the audacity to ask me to give them to her or buy her a pair and after that I walked away.
Later on the train, I tell my sister and my friend Tiana (fake name). My sister tells me that she needs to pay me back and Tiana agrees. I text Kylie and ask her to pay me back the £2.75 my mum paid for (It was actually £5 when my mum paid but it was on a discount at the time). She responded with "oki" and that was that.
News flash - Its been a literal month and I still havent gotten the money. I asked her a couple days ago because If she has the money to buy bread everyday she can easily give me £2.75. So i politely ask and Kylie says with an attitude " If I had the money I would've given it to you already." She rolls her eyes and goes back to watching yt shorts.
I don't wanna make a scene but she's avoiding me, rolling her eyes plus giving me dirty looks when she sees me and ignores me even I just say hello. My friend and my sister think I shouldn't drop it so I might not. Soo... WIBTA if I didn't stop asking for the money I'm owed?

WIBTA if I force my daughter to invite her sister to a party
I have a daughter 12f and 8f.
My oldest doesn't really like my youngest and she's being mean to her recently previously she wasn't like this.
So we planned for her 13th birthday party we usually don't do parties unless it's a milestone and this time she's turing into a teenager so we planned to throw a party.
My 8 year old is excited to attend but my daughter says she doesn't want her annoying younger sister there I said it would be cruel to force and 8 year old to stay in her room while a party happened and that she will be attending.
My daughter says I'm forcing that annoying kid on her and she said "that brat can suck it up" I found that cruel.
She wouldn't be there for the whole party but atleast for the parts that would be appropriate for her plus there's going to be a 9 year old at the party so I can't see why she can't attend.
My daughter still doesn't want her to attend so I'm wondering if I'd be wrong in forcing her to invite her sister.

I (27F) called my sister (29F) and asked if she had plans on hanging out with our dad (55M) for Father’s Day.
A little back story - my sister (Jane) is NOTORIOUS for cancelling, making excuses, telling my dad and I how horrible of family members we are, and how we make her feel like shit the list goes on and on. Because of this we never do things as family because she “gets anxious being around us” Jane has a lot of past resentment towards mine and my dad’s relationship & she is a compulsive liar who constantly victimizes herself. It’s annoying but she’s my sister and I still try to work on the relationship
Fast forward I was talking to my dad about Father’s Day and made lunch plans for a week prior to Father’s Day as it will be my SO first Father’s Day and I’m doing something special for just him and I. The thought of Jane popped up as she’s also my dads daughter. (Jane and our dad can’t talk over the phone it always leads to a fight) so I said I’ll call her even though we both thought she was going to be busy. I called and to my surprise she said she’s free (I’m genuinely shocked) she said “ because I don’t have school, my son, and all my friends are busy I’m free” I replied “let’s not tell that to dad or repeat that bc it sounds like you’re only free bc nothing else better is happening”
She suggested a small city festival…. And to me it’s already ALOT (emotionally draining) when it comes to all of us hanging out. I finally said “don’t take this the wrong way and I’m not trying to be mean but I don’t really want to hang out with you…./“ she cuts me off and says “that’s fine I have too go” (I wanted to say “for that long”
Personally I think we thrive in an hour / hour and a half setting MAX. And a festival seems like a few hour thing.
She has now texted me saying “this is why I say you’re a bitch and intentionally trying to hurt me” “ just don’t invite me anyways it’s strange you would even ask” “this is the reason I separate myself” “the way you go about things is malicious”
I replied to her text saying “you didn’t let me finish I wanted to say for a long period of time, I’m not trying to be malicious bc I’m okay with hanging out with you but just not a big thing like a festival I’d just rather do something fast”
In my defense I truly thought she was going to say she’s busy let alone let’s go to a festival? it’s been over 2 years since we’ve all gotten together for a small holiday not just Father’s Day but Mother’s Day, Fourth of July, birthdays. Guys we don’t hang out unless it’s Christmas and even then it’s short. I’m okay with hanging out with her just for not a city festival. I’m thinking more like Red Robin dinner and head out after eating? But she didn’t even let me finish.
So am I the asshole?

I got pregnant (birth control failure) young. I kept the baby, but me and my then-boyfriend “Leo” broke up over it. We’ve worked things out and remain good friends and co-parents to our daughter, “Maya”, who is turning 5 next month. I have been dating my boyfriend “Matt” for just over a year. He has only recently met Maya.
Leo and I are throwing Maya a birthday party, and Matt will not be attending. Apart from the fact that Leo’s family will be there, I don’t think it’s appropriate as Matt doesn’t have a place in Maya’s life at this stage, not to mention this party is to celebrate her, not to try and introduce Matt to various family members and mutual friends on mine and Leo’s. The whole thing would be unnecessarily tense on top of trying to manage small children running around. Matt said he was hurt initially but accepted my decision.
But apparent he talked to his sister “Whitney” about it, and she has opinions. We were at a dinner party at her house a couple of days ago and she mentioned how she thought it was weird that I was hosting Maya’s party with Leo, especially since I didn’t want Matt there. She went on about how we clearly didn’t have “boundaries” and that her boyfriend wouldn’t be cool with her and her ex acting like a unit in front of family, friends, and their kids. This got on my last nerve because seriously, I don’t really know this woman and here she is with opinions that no one asked for. So I just said “Well I don’t think you have the option of even being in the same room as your ex considering you had a screaming match in front of all the parents and teachers at a school event. Your children are probably still mortified and wouldn’t want the two of you to attempt civility even if you were able. Your situation is not similar or preferable to mine, and I’m not likely to want your advice”. Things were pretty awkward after that.
Matt is pissed off I insulted his sister because she is extremely touchy about the incident with her ex. He said she was just trying to help and offer a different perspective. I’m saying maybe she should wait until she’s asked, unless she wants to be confronted with the fact that she’s talking very loudly in her glass house. Matt thinks I need to apologise, and that I took it too far. Did I?

I have people I know irl on my main account so I’m using a throwaway, sorry!
I got pregnant (birth control failure) young. I kept the baby, but me and my then-boyfriend “Leo” broke up over it. We’ve worked things out and remain good friends and co-parents to our daughter, “Maya”, who is turning 5 next month. I have been dating my boyfriend “Matt” for just over a year. He has only recently met Maya.
Leo and I are throwing Maya a birthday party, and Matt will not be attending. Apart from the fact that Leo’s family will be there, I don’t think it’s appropriate as Matt doesn’t have a place in Maya’s life at this stage, not to mention this party is to celebrate her, not to try and introduce Matt to various family members and mutual friends on mine and Leo’s. The whole thing would be unnecessarily tense on top of trying to manage small children running around. Matt said he was hurt initially but accepted my decision.
But apparent he talked to his sister “Whitney” about it, and she has opinions. We were at a dinner party at her house a couple of days ago and she mentioned how she thought it was weird that I was hosting Maya’s party with Leo, especially since I didn’t want Matt there. She went on about how we clearly didn’t have “boundaries” and that her boyfriend wouldn’t be cool with her and her ex acting like a unit in front of family, friends, and their kids. This got on my last nerve because seriously, I don’t really know this woman and here she is with opinions that no one asked for. So I just said “Well I don’t think you have the option of even being in the same room as your ex considering you had a screaming match in front of all the parents and teachers at a school event. Your children are probably still mortified and wouldn’t want the two of you to attempt civility even if you were able. Your situation is not similar or preferable to mine, and I’m not likely to want your advice”. Things were pretty awkward after that.
Matt is pissed off I insulted his sister because she is extremely touchy about the incident with her ex. He said she was just trying to help and offer a different perspective. I’m saying maybe she should wait until she’s asked, unless she wants to be confronted with the fact that she’s talking very loudly in her glass house. Matt thinks I need to apologise, and that I took it too far. Did I?

I have a daughter 12f and 8f.
My oldest doesn't really like my youngest and she's being mean to her recently previously she wasn't like this.
So we planned for her 13th birthday party we usually don't do parties unless it's a milestone and this time she's turing into a teenager so we planned to throw a party.
My 8 year old is excited to attend but my daughter says she doesn't want her annoying younger sister there I said it would be cruel to force and 8 year old to stay in her room while a party happened and that she will be attending.
My daughter says I'm forcing that annoying kid on her and she said "that brat can suck it up" I found that cruel.
She wouldn't be there for the whole party but atleast for the parts that would be appropriate for her plus there's going to be a 9 year old at the party so I can't see why she can't attend.
My daughter still doesn't want her to attend so I'm wondering if I'd be wrong in forcing her to invite her sister.

Hi there! I just got this hoya for my sister for her birthday... ordered on Etsy from a reputable seller and got it as soon as the mail lady delivered it. Fast forward a few days, and now two of the leaves are turned brown? It seems like it's spreading through the leaf and the brown is softer than the rest of the leaf.
Could this be from stress/heat? The roots look good (I did a quick check to make sure it didn't look like rot, did not repot it), but it was hot the day it was delivered. The other two leaves look much better, but there is a small brownish black spot on the other. Any idea what could be causing this?? I'm a little stumped... it's not too dry, not soaking wet... I don't have much experience with hoyas (much more familiar with philos/anthuriums) and I don't want to lose the whole plant :(
Thanks in advance!!!

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/QuietSatisfaction314. He posted in AITAH
Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 and u/BakingGiraffeBakes for the rec!
Mood Spoiler: better but still ad
Original Post: May 19, 2024
So I’m 18M and I have a half brother who is the same age as me. We’ll call him Cameron. Our dad got two women pregnant around the same time. I’m older by 6 months. My dad chose Cameron’s mom over mine and they’re married now. Cameron is his parents’ only child.
Anyway so I’ve always felt like I was just a backup son for my dad. I know he does love me, but not as much as Cameron. I live an hour and a half away from him but he would always make the drive to come see me when I was younger and still does to this day. If I ever need anything he’ll make sure I get it. He took me on trips all the time with just me and him. But still I felt like an outsider. He would constantly put me second to Cameron. If we both had sports games on the same day he would always go to Cameron’s with his wife. Once when I had an award ceremony he couldn’t come because Cameron was sick (it was just a cold btw). When I wanted him to teach me how to drive he said he couldn’t because he promised Cameron he would teach him first but that he’d help me after Cameron got his license. I could list off a bunch of other examples. My dad would show up to my stuff but if Cameron had something going on at the same time he wouldn’t come.
Cameron and I aren’t friends. We get along fine if we’re together but neither of us is going out of the way to talk to the other. I think he’s spoiled and obviously our dad’s favorite. Our dad and his mom did him no favors because his grades are bad and his life has no direction. He didn’t apply to any colleges and he won’t even get a part time job.
We’re both graduating high school this year. His school district released their graduation schedule after mine and of course our graduations are on the same day at the same time. We live an hour and a half apart so obviously our dad can’t make it to both. He’s known my graduation date for weeks before Cameron learned his. We already had plans for him to come and spend the day here. But I knew as soon as I saw that schedule he was gonna flake. At first he said he wasn’t sure what he was gonna do. He’s been avoiding the topic for weeks but our graduations are on the 29th so he has to decide now.
Well yesterday he took me to dinner. He told me that he was going to go to Cameron’s graduation. He said it was because Cameron’s grandparents weren’t gonna be able to make it and Cameron would only have his mom while I have my mom, stepdad, siblings, and grandparents all coming to mine. I’m not an idiot. It was just an excuse that I knew would be coming. He tried to soften the blow by promising me he’d make up for it by taking me on a graduation trip anywhere I wanted to go. Even though he had already promised me that months ago. He’s taking his wife and Cameron on a family trip to Hawaii in June. It’s supposed to be Cameron’s graduation trip but he promised he and I would have our own trip. Now all of a sudden that trip is supposed to also be a makeup for missing my graduation.
So I told him okay, I want to go to this one weekend event that is on the same week he’s going to Hawaii. He told me he can’t because that’s when they’re going to Hawaii. I didn’t actually wanna go to this event, I was just proving a point. I told him to postpone his Hawaii trip so he can take me to the event. He said he can’t because everything is already paid for and non-refundable. I told him that he’s missing my high school graduation. The least he can do is make me the priority when it comes to the graduation trips. He said I’d have to pick a different weekend. I told him he doesn’t actually care about making it up to me. He’s only okay with what I want so long as it doesn’t interfere with his real family. He denied it and told me to try to understand the position he’s in.
I told him straight up that he always chooses Cameron over me. For once I want to be the first choice. So I said I’ll have a ticket ready for him but that if he doesn’t come I’ll know where I stand in his life. I don’t care about a makeup trip. Either he shows up and we still have a relationship or I’m just done with him. He told me that I was being unreasonable and maybe I am, but I’m still standing my ground. I already know he’s not going to come, even after my ultimatum. So am I the asshole for throwing away our entire relationship over this?
Relevant Comments:
Commenter (downvoted): While I don’t think you are an AH, I do think you are being 18, young and self-centered. Your dad has a wife he needs to prioritize in order to have a peaceful and happy home. His wife would be really pissed if she had to go to graduation alone because her husband is at a graduation with his ex-lover. It sounds like your dad loves you. I suspect your life would be less rewarding with him shut out.

OOP: I guarantee you that she wouldn’t be there alone. My dad is the kind of person who will tell the most obvious lies and really think they sound believable. Cameron’s grandparents will be there. One of his aunts who is super family oriented will be there, I’m sure. My dad was just lying to try to make his decision more understandable.

Commenter: There's a middle ground where you just stop making any effort yourself and let the relationship wither. I've done this with a couple friends when I realized I was the only one putting effort in. Eventually there was a conversation where they lamented about how we've lost touch and wonder what happened. And the answer I gave was, "I stopped calling you."
The one about teaching you to drive was the one that stuck out to me since you're 6 months older and naturally will get your DL first, but he made you wait. That's the one to throw in his face, if you're looking for one, there's no plausible excuse.

OOP: That was one incident that really pissed me off. A few weeks after he told me that I had to wait on learning he wanted to pick me up to spend the weekend at his house. I told him no because my stepdad was gonna give me driving lessons that weekend. All of a sudden my dad acted like he was planning on surprising me with lessons if I came. He really thinks I’m that stupid that I can’t tell when he’s making things up on the spot.
And when he did give me a lesson he brought Cameron, who he could teach literally any other day of the week, with us so he could practice being behind the wheel too. I had my stepdad give me the rest of my lessons and take me to my driving test after that.

Commenter: NTA. I am a petty B. If I were you I would take plenty photos with step dad and post them on social media, with a caption: couldn’t ask for a better family.

OOP: Maybe I will. My dad gets weirdly jealous and mad when I do anything with my stepdad. But my stepdad is the one who’s never made me feel less than my little brother and sister (his kids with my mom).

Commenter: I think you need to drop the step and call him dad.

OOP: We have kind of an odd relationship. I call him by his name when it’s just me and him but in front of my siblings I’ll refer to him as dad. Not directly calling him that but I’ll say like, “Go ask dad if you can come to the store with me.” It was just easier when my siblings were younger and I didn’t wanna confuse them. Now they’re older and they know that I have a different dad than them but it’s just a habit I still have I guess. Sometimes I wish he was my bio dad but idk if we’ll ever have a super close fatheson relationship.

Commenter: I would ask him why does he even pretend to love you? Truly his wife is your step mother and Cameron is your step brother why does he not also take you on the family trip since you are family or are you not invited because your not family to him just a responsibility

OOP: He does love me. Trust me. I have no problem calling out my dad’s many shortcomings, but not loving me isn’t one of them. The problem is he loves Cameron a lot more. There’s not a single doubt in my mind that he’d give up his life to save mine if he had to. But if he had to choose between saving me or Cameron? I might as well just start calling my family to say my goodbyes.
About the trip: I wouldn’t go even if he did invite me. Cameron and I can tolerate each other well enough but I don’t wanna spend a whole week with him and I’m sure the feeling is mutual. And my dad’s wife likes to pretend I don’t exist. If my dad told her about the ultimatum I gave I’m sure she was celebrating in her head that she won’t have me at her house or have to deal with my dad traveling to visit me anymore.

Commenter: Definitely don’t invite him to your college graduation. Even if it’s clear that you would be the only son he will get to watch. Cameron will probably get promoted to head cashier somewhere and he will have to go to that ceremony or he will get another cold. Good luck. Celebrate with your real family. Don’t let him ruin your day. NTA Stand your ground.

OOP: Head cashier? You have more faith in Cameron than I do. He has no interest in college, trade school, or a part time job. His current plan is to take a few years off and his parents are apparently in support of that. So if he sticks to his timeline my dad won’t be able to come to my college graduation because they’re going out to dinner in celebration of Cameron filling out a job application.

Update Post: May 31, 2024 (12 days later)
Some people wanted an update to my post. My graduation was on Wednesday. Surprising everyone, especially me, my dad actually chose me and my graduation. Not at first but he did come.
So what happened after I gave him the ultimatum was he kept trying to talk to me as if nothing was wrong. He was asking me to spend time with him a lot and asking when I was free. Basically either feeling guilty or trying to compensate for choosing Cameron. I never met with him. Cameron messaged me to tell me to stop being an asshole and to get over it cause apparently our dad was stressed out over the whole thing. I just blocked Cameron and moved on.
On the day of my graduation my dad told me he was coming down to spend the day with me before he had to go home to go to Cameron’s graduation. At first I told him not to bother cause there’s point in showing up here if you’re just gonna leave before the actual ceremony but he ended up coming anyway. We had a small get together at my house with my mom’s side of the family. My dad was there acting as if nothing was wrong. It was annoying. I refused to take pictures with him because I told him I’m taking pictures at my graduation. If you want pictures with me you can show up.
A few hours before the ceremony he said he had to head out. I said goodbye forever and he pulled me aside to talk. He was trying to justify his decision again. I told him I was serious about what I said. I will not talk to him ever again. I made it clear that this isn’t something I’m gonna be mad about for a bit and then get over. I’m not gonna call him crying in a few years saying I’m sorry. He asked why I was being like this and I just let it all out.
I told him I’m sick and tired of being second place all the time. My entire life I’ve been told that he can’t show up for me because Cameron needs him or he promised Cameron first. Yet the one time I had my graduation date set and planned first he still cancels on me for Cameron. I asked him to give me one good reason why he has to go to Cameron’s graduation over mine, specifically. No “This is a tough situation,” “I can’t be in two places at once,” etc. He said because if he doesn’t go to Cameron’s graduation he has to deal with a pissed off wife and his entire home life will be tense. I asked him why can’t his wife and Cameron ever be the ones he apologizes to and asks to “try to understand?” Why do I always have to be purposely handed the short straw? He didn’t have an answer.
I told him I hope Cameron gets his life together because right now he’s on a nosedive trajectory that ends with him still living at home rent free in his 30’s with a girlfriend he can’t afford to give a ring to, let alone a wedding, and three kids who are being raised by my dad’s wife. I didn’t care anymore at that point. It’s true. Cameron’s a loser. And I told my dad good luck cause he’s the one that’s taking care of you when you’re old. I’m out. I guarantee Cameron takes their money and puts his parents in the absolute cheapest nursing home he can find. They failed him by spoiling him and treating him like he’s perpetually 5 years old.
Dad still ended up leaving anyway. I refused to hug him and told him I’m done with him. That kinda ruined my mood but once I got to school and started hanging with my friends I decided to let it go. I wanted to enjoy my grad night and just forget all the bullshit. After the ceremony I was shocked to see my dad walking towards me. I was positive he was going to Cameron’s graduation. Like gun to my head, get this answer right or you die... well I guess I’d be dead cause I was 100% sure he’d choose Cameron. He already did but I guess he turned around and came back. So he hugged me and told me that he’s sorry for everything and how he’s treated me and that he does love me just as much as Cameron even if he’s been bad at showing it. I don’t really believe that last part but he showed up so that’s what I’m focusing on.
Cameron was pissed of course and messaged me from a different number to bitch at me. He was calling me a crybaby and selfish. Saying Dad only went to my graduation because I threw a fit. He doesn’t understand that it wasn’t me having a tantrum. It was a last straw situation for me. I just sent him a picture of me and our dad at my graduation and told him to get over it. Then I blocked that number too. Fuck him. I’m glad he knows what it’s like to be second choice just once. I’m sure our dad is already bending over backwards to make it up to Cameron anyway so he’ll live. Our joint graduation party is gonna be awkward but hopefully we’ll just keep our distance from each other.
Oh and don’t worry, I’m not delusional. I know my dad is just gonna go back to his same old routine. And now if I ever bring up his unfairness again he’ll always be able to throw in my face that he came to my graduation over Cameron’s. It’ll probably be his trump card. Ngl it did feel good to have everyone shit on my dad with me in my last post cause I was pissed off at him when I posted. I know that he does love me though. Still, I think I’m gonna take some advice I got in that post. I’m not cutting my dad off but I’m gonna stop trying. I have a lifetime of him awarding me the silver medal no matter how well I do and I’m tired of it. Cameron can be his favorite son uncontested from now on. I’m just gonna live my life and keep my dad at an arm’s length. I’m not gonna try to force him to prove his love for me anymore.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Info: Who was your dad dating first?
Because if he was dating his wife and he cheated with your mom, it would explain so much. She probably holds the fact that she forgave him over his head all the time to push him to prioritise her kid.

OOP: I’ve never asked my dad but my mom told me her side years ago. She said they broke up right before she found out she was pregnant. But she didn’t tell him she was pregnant until she was a few months along. I guess to make sure she didn’t miscarry I think is what she said. She told my dad but he was already with Cameron’s mom by then. I don’t think there was any cheating but they probably wouldn’t tell me even if there was.

Commenter: If I were you as long as it’s Cameron that takes care of him in his old age, then let him. He’s probably gonna go home and but Cameron a car as a graduation present to make it up to him.

OOP: He already bought Cameron a brand new car for his 16th birthday when I got a used one for mine, but you’re right in that he’s definitely gonna use his money to earn Cameron’s forgiveness. Probably for his wife’s forgiveness too.

Several commenters express how proud they are of OOP for telling his dad everything he did:

I honestly thought that was the last conversation I was gonna have with him so I didn’t really have anything to lose at that point. I figured I might as well say what I really wanna say instead of holding back again.

Editor's note: Marked as concluded because the graduation is over. We may still get updates on the relationship, but the original posts are concluded.

(This will be my first time posting, so I apologize if my post is phrased weirdly(?) and lengthy as it’s a lot to unpack.)
I, 19F, am the youngest out of all my siblings (11 siblings in total) and currently the only sibling that lived with my parents (56F and 58M) at this time. During this time, I was a freshman in college and lived at home since it was 30 min away from where I go to college. It also allowed me to spend a bit more time with my parents before I actually moved out.
On September 20th 2023, my parents left to the cities to renew their visa so then they could visit their home country. They came back home around 5 pm and immediately went to their garden that was 10-15 minutes away from our town. Around 8:30 ish, my sister called to let our parents know that she was coming down next week because they weren’t picking up their phones. I on the other hand, didn’t think much of it as they were at the gardens and it was normal for them to be gone till midnight. I had a gut feeling that maybe something bad happened and I was going to call my parents myself, but I stupidly talked myself out of it saying that I was probably overthinking and that my parents was fine. It felt like 10 mins passed by and around 9 pm, I heard knocking at my door. At first I was scared and a bit nervous because “who the heck is knocking at my door at this time???”. Eventually, I opened up the door and it was an officer.
The moment I saw the officer I immediately knew that the gut feeling I felt came out to be true. I was given the devastating news by the officer that my parents got into a car crash, and that they didn’t make it. I was in shocked, in disbelief, in denial, but most importantly I felt the regret of not calling my parents. After the conversation with the officer, the first thing I thought was to inform the rest of my family as I was the only one living with my parents. So, I called our family group chat for the first time to tell them the news, as I never really message unless it’s something urgent. I told them the news and there was a lot of mixed responses (confusion, desperation, denial, etc.).
In the end, we ended up doing separate funerals for both of my parents because the local funeral homes didn’t allow a double funeral(?). Due to our culture, it was common for funerals to last 3 days. My mom’s funeral (open casket) was on October 14-16, October 15th, being my mom’s birthday. We ended up singing happy birthday to our mom towards the end of the service only with the family and close relatives. After my mom’s funeral, my dad’s funeral 2 week after my mom’s, also 3 days long (I went back to class at this point to catch up). Compared to my mom with a few scratches on her face but suffered heavy injuries on her body. On the other hand, my dad was disfigured(???). It was painful to look at my dad, I knew he was my dad but he didn’t look like my dad. My dad was on the passenger side where they got hit. His face was really sunken in and you can see where the mortician tried their best to recreate my dad’s features. Our family decided to do a closed casket as it could cause more distress because of how my dad looked. So, only the family and close relatives were able to see my dad before we closed the casket.
After the funerals, I was surprisingly okay. Mainly because I was surrounded by friends and family during the first two months after my parent’s funerals. However, after that when I started to go back to college now I cried like a bitch. Everyday when I commuted to and back from college I cried in my car. I would cry when I woke up, cry when I’m alone in my room (I moved in with my brother), cry at night when everyone was sleeping. It was bad and it started to affect me in my mental and emotional health. I saw my grades suffer and watched my gpa dropped drastically. Overall, I felt like shit. This continued on till the end of winter break where I finally had enough and decided to use the free counseling my college offered to students and staff. Thankfully, it did help and I felt myself getting better. Although I still cried every now and then, it wasn’t excessive crying for hours. Throughout my second semester I managed to up my grades and gpa (thankfully didn’t lose my scholarships). I didn’t cry much as I used to, and spent a lot of my time thinking.
My current issue is now. I’m in my summer break at the moment, and recently I found myself crying every morning again. I just miss my parents so much, wished I was a better daughter, wished I spent more time with them, wished I said that I loved them. It’s been almost a year now and I feel like I’m struggling to move past on the grief of losing my parents and the regret I had not calling them. So, I’m asking for advice how I could at least lessen that pain. I know I will probably feel grief for the rest of my life, but I don’t want to always cry for my parents as they wouldn’t want me to stay miserable after their deaths.

My wife and I went to a greyhound rescue in 2020 and of all the dog, one of them, a red boy, looked at us with his big brown eyes. We fell in love and so did he. He is my best friend and his name is Dennis. He is absolutely beautiful. The poor guy couldn't even use stairs for a week but now he's an expert at stairs, cars, and walks.
He is so sweet 90% of the time. When we come home, he is looking down the staircase. When he gets new clothes or toys, he hops endlessly. He gets a Dentistick every night and he is so happy. He has three dog beds- two downstairs and one upstairs. Everywhere we go, he goes.
When he has his clothes on, he is in heaven. He is a farting machine and even startles himself. He is constantly leaning on me, or following me around from behind or the side. He absolutely adores people and doesn't seem interested in animals, even our two cats. He growls at them if they get close to his bed but he has never hurt them.
For his birthday and Christmas, he gets every present you can think of. He is obsessed with Squishmallows and he loves long toys like his Christmas cactus, his "I'm kind of a big dill" pickle toy, and his Mutt Bar, all of which he contorts into piles of pillows. His favorite toys are his yeti and stingray.
He is always perfect at pet boarding places, getting groomed, at the dog park (where he ignores dogs and leans on anyone who will pet him).
I cannot fathom a life without him, but that reality is now occurring because his behavior has caused every friend and family member to stop coming. Nobody has been to our house in a year other than service people. Here's why.
Even the first week we got him, he became extremely territorial anytime he was lying down. He growled at the cats but he growled and snarled at us. I know that this is common for greyhounds so we try to keep a distance. But it got worse.
He became increasingly aggressive if he didn't get his way. He refuses to eat his food and will only eat treats, cat food, or human food until he is starving. Then he'll eat like 4 bowls of food in a row at night or wake us up to get food and be let out. He didn't bark for a while but when he learned to bark, he only barks at 100% intensity.
If I eat, he will walk up to me and eat my food off my plate like a shark. If I don't give him my food, he'll stick his head under my arm, or find any way to get closer. He will bark in my ear for 10 minutes straight. If I'm on the couch with a snack, he will corner me and put his mouth within 3 inches of my mouth and bark incessantly. It is so loud and so common I've developed tinnitus and have a permanent ringing because it's like a gunshot going off in my ear. He sneaks up and does it and it really leaves us in a constant state of anxiety.
He is always walking to the side of us and he refuses to walk in front of us, I assume due to training.
We put up with all of this but this is not the full story. The first time family came to visit, my cousin tried to kneel down and pet him and he lunged at him. We all made excuses for him. Then, my wife put his collar on and he nipped at her. Later, she tried to give him a toy and he swirled around and nipped.
Then, we had some family over and when people were leaving, Dennis went over to them and wanted to be pet. So they pet him and he lunged at one of them. This is a constant thing. He goes up to people with a huge smile and they lean to pet him and he turns into. Cujo. He is so unpredictable.
The next time he came over, he knocked over an old woman who was just walking by him. After that, our entire family stopped visiting. Then, my best friend from Germany stayed at our hours for a night and Dennis snapped at him. He hasn't visited since.
Then he lunged at our 77 year old neighbor and his wife ran out of the house screaming. Then one day our cleaners who adore Dennis came and he snapped at her. She made excuses for him but now he is muzzled when they come or put in a room which he hates. We tried using a baby gate but then he sticks his head out and barks for an hour as loud as a jet engine.
Then, my in-laws visited and Dennis lunged at and knocked over my wife's 76 year old mother. She now refuses to come to our house, despite flying here from Hawaii. Same with my wife's sister, who refuses to visit our home.
We have to keep lights on in our bedroom and throw treats or announce ourselves because he sleeps up here because if he's in our bedroom and we walk by him, he growls and snarls. If we or others walk by the front entrance, he will snarl. If they walk to the living room, he'll flip out. The problem is, he is so fast he races us to any room but then he blocks us. He won't move unless we move, so we have to walk past him which will cause him to sometimes flip out and lunge. Since he is always an inch away from us, we never know when or where he will strike. He blocks the entrances to every room and stares at us. Basically, he believes our home is his property and he protects 2,000 square feet as his personal lair. But not from outside threats, from us. The amount of times he has gone from smiling and chattering from ear rubs or pets to lunging within 60 milliseconds is uncountable.
But here's the biggest problem- he bites us. He has bitten us both over 10 times.
The first time was my wife looking at a scratch on his leg. He bit her on the arm and she had a black bruise. We blew it off.
Then, a service guy left our gate open and he walked up to a lady in our driveway. i was scared he'd attack her do I gently grabbed his collar and he grabbed my arm and ripped my shirt off of me. He has ripped 5 shirts and 4 hoodies. He grabs, bites repeatedly, and pulls. To show our level of delusion, we started wearing these double later terry cloth hoodies as a layer if light armor.
He walks over to us constantly when we're on the couch and when he's not smiling and wagging, he is snarling and barking like there's a ghost beating us with a hammer. He has a blank expression like a shark during these events and it is terrifying being blocked on our couch, or when I'm eating. If I eat in the dining room, I have to put furniture around the table blocking us in and him out or he will eat my food and bark and snarl. So 90% I eat standing up in the kitchen. He still stands next to me in the kitchen butting his head on the cutting board or counters. If I or anyone tries to push him away (which is a natural human response when a dog is 3 inches from their face, he will snap and snarl.
So on Wednesday, I accidentally stepped on his toe. This is a common occurrence because he is silent and always next to or behind us. He lunged, grabbed onto my arm and wouldn't let go as he pulled backwards. He broke the skin and took some small chunks out but did not pierce so it is a "level 2 bite." I was protected by the hoodie to a degree. My wife is usually the one who gets bitten but she cried when she saw what he did. We decided he had one more chance and would double down on walks, training, and playtime.
Literally everyone who knows his behavior issues says "get rid of the dog before he sends someone to the hospital, before he hurts your cats, or before you lose your house when someone sues."
We told each other, he has one more chance. We cannot live in permanent fear and anxiety and having zero friends or family who will even talk to us let alone visit. I was willing to give up our social life but now he just attacks us, his favorite people in the only house he has known. We have to put our safety, the safety of service people, and the safety of our pets first.
And then last night, he followed her to the kitchen and when she walked back to the couch, he blocked her, begging for food, and she tried to scoot by him and he attacked her. She sat down and began bawling. We both knew instantly, "That's it."
We emailed the rescue and they sent return paperwork back. I am devastated and having a full-blown mental breakdown. Vomiting, crying, and so tired from tears I almost fell down the stairs from dizziness. I am losing my best friend and taking him from the most luxurious experience imaginable to be tossed in a cement hole with 40 barking greyhounds. Nobody will adopt a dog with this history.
I'm on the verge of checking myself into a mental health facility because I have been crying and shaking like I have Parkinson's disease. I am so, so sorry and I do not know how to process this.
I spend time on the greyhound forums and the amount of victim-blaming, insults, and absurd gaslighting they exhibit does a huge disservice. They have totally normalized this behavior and call us noobs and irresponsible and "don't know how dogs work" even though my wife is a VETERINARIAN and spends more time around dogs than the vast majority of people. She works at an ER and sees hurt dogs who are more apt to bite. Yet she has been bitten more times by Dennis than by patients in her whole career.
I love Dennis like a son and I don't know how I can live with myself after giving him up.
Here are some photos of my beautiful boy. Thank you for reading.
https://imgur.com/a/AppLSkz

In 2020, my wife inherited her parent's house after her father died from COPD/COVID complications. Her mother died of cancer when she was a teenager after a decade long battle.
We have slowly fixed the house up and added a pool and an addition for our 3 children.
We had a small party last weekend for my son’s birthday where the kids played in the pool. My sister who is the the jealous type told my wife to her face she was so “lucky” to have a home because most of our generation can’t afford to live like this.
I overheard this and told my sister to “fug off and get the fug out of my home” I told her two children pool time was over and they need to leave. My mother told me it was a misunderstanding and I was lucky to raise my children in a beautiful home. My son who’s birthday we was celebrating was close to his grandfather and was extremely traumatized by his death and 2020 that he has to go through therapy about it. For my sister and mom to act like this on his birthday was too much and I wanted them out.
My mom never apologized and tried to get me to see things from my sister’s perspective how lucky I am because she struggles to feed her 2 kids. My sister also lives with my mom so it’s not like she’s paying rent and she gets government assistant for her children.
I told my mother I stand by what I said telling them to “fug off” and I’m not having anything to do with them until they can realize what my sister said is so messed up.

Title: I am 31 years old, make $92,600 base, live in Northern Alberta, work in Forestry, and recently returned to work after a year off for maternity leave.

• All $ in CAD. $1 CAD to $0.73 US.
• I will call my spouse H.
• We aren’t looking to change spending habits too much, this was more a fun exercise to see what we spend and how we’re doing financially now that I am back to work.

HHI: $166,000
Section One: Assets and Debt
Retirement Balance: Total $76,431 (joint)

• My retirement accounts include a DCPP of $62,495, an RRSP of $8125, and a TFSA of $130
• H’s only has a spousal RRSP of $5631
• DCPP amount is from a 5% base contribution plus 2% matching from my employer, and 3% from me. I have had this account since 25 (when I started at the company) and have done the matching the entire time except during my maternity leave. They continued the 5% base while I was off on maternity leave, I had the option to get the matching as well but we couldn’t swing the cost while I was only on EI.
• RRSPs are mostly from excess benefits money. I have flex benefits and get an annual amount to “spend”. Before we had our kid there was about $500/month split going into our RRSPs. Now we do $42.30/month split ($21.15 for each). The spousal RRSP means I can claim this on my taxes, instead of him claiming on his.
• TFSAs will be our next focus once we’ve caught up on the annual bills from May to July - annual house insurance and two vehicle insurances. We haven’t been consistent with depositing into our TFSA’s, so we have $80K+ room in each.

Equity: The house is worth $400,000. We owe $303,000. Equity is $97,000.
Savings account balance: $450 in emergency savings (this is a priority starting in August to beef up), $2000 in property taxes sinking fund (to be spent by July)
Checking account balance: $5288.15 - we both got paid today so I will be moving money around and this number will be down a lot by the end of the day.
Credit card debt: $16,635

• $12,855 LOC. This is entirely from vehicles - before I went on maternity leave H sold his truck and we took a $9500 loss - pulled the money out of the LOC to pay off the lien. In April, we needed a different vehicle so we took $6500 out of the LOC to purchase a new-to-us car. We have yet to sell the vehicle we replaced, but when we do that money will either go onto LOC or into emergency savings. We’re aiming to get $3000 for the sale.
• $530 My CC. This is from not budgeting for two road trips I took in the last two weeks, plus some other overspending on random things.
• $3250 H CC. This is from overspending on groceries/gas and vehicle expenses.

Student loan debt: $0

• H went to trade school (8 weeks/year for 4 years) to become a journeyman mechanic
• I took a 2-year diploma program that cost $12,000 (including books and random spending). My parents saved up $20K for me to go to college/university, so I got about $8,000 in cash from my mum once I graduated as I didn’t use all of the savings for school.
• I lived with my mum while in college and H lived with roommates so his income went to rent/groceries/bills and I had basically no living expenses as my mum covered everything.
• When he went to trade school I was working, so I covered our bills while he was off (and he got EI and some grants during that time frame).

Other Info:

• H and I have had combined finances since we were 19 when we married. This has greatly changed our financial situation.
• I have access to an employee stock purchase plan - I have about $1400 in my company stocks with no plan for them at the moment.
• I got a salary top-up when I went on maternity leave. My employer covered my 1 week EI waiting period and topped up to 100% salary for 11 weeks. The rest of the time I was off I was getting $1158 biweekly from EI.
• We qualify for the Climate Action Incentive from the federal government. This is about $1200/year.
• We get CCB for our kid of $140.61/month. This will increase to $273.74/month come July as our annual income was less in 2023 compared to 2022.

Net Worth: $164,484
Section Two: Income
Income Progression (Post College/Trade School):

• H has been in his field for roughly 8 years and his starting salary was about $37,000 ($19/hr). Two years ago, he took a $20/hour pay cut moving from a journeyman mechanic ($45/hr) to a service advisor ($25/hr). He’s since gotten a $10/hr pay increase from switching employers and switching roles/getting a raise. H now makes $72,800 not including any overtime, which he does get fairly regularly.
• I've been working in my field for 8 years, and my starting salary was about $41,000. I have not changed careers, but I have changed employers. I got two raises when at my first job post-college from $20/hr (41,000) to $23/hr ($47,800) to $30/hr ($62,400). When I started at my current employer in 2018 I was offered $78,000 annually, plus moving benefits (approx $2000). I’ve consistently gotten a 2-5% raise every year (except this year - but I did get a raise 2 weeks before going on leave) or have gotten promoted and am now making $92,600 before bonuses. I get two bonuses a year, one is based on company performance and has been $0 to $10,000. My other bonus is performance-based and has been anywhere from $1200 to $4000. I got both bonuses while on maternity leave, the company performance one was cut in half based on hours worked. I also had to pay back EI because of my bonus income.

Main Job Monthly Take-Home:
Mine: $4768.90 (two paycheck months)

• My monthly deductions include ESPP $213.60, DCPP matching $213.60, social club $5, flex benefits $26, plus taxes $701.27, CPP $203.97 and EI $59.14. In September I usually have an increase in my monthly take home as my CPP/EI is maxed out, but this might not happen this year as my RTW date was the end of April.

H: $3687.28

• H gets an advance on the 15th of $1000 and at the end of the month gets the rest of his pay. His end-of-the-month pay has ranged from $2600 to $3900 already this year because of illness, time off and short months.
• H’s deductions include taxes $623.25, EI $78.23, CPP $263.07, and $61.10 of HCP, but we’re not 100% sure what the HCP is cause he declined his benefits. This reminds me he should talk to payroll and see what’s up with that. He hits his 1st anniversary in August so we’ll see if he ends up maxing out CPP/EI in September or so.

Side Gig Monthly Take-Home:

• I craft and go to some markets and things, but don’t make much after counting all my costs. If I didn’t sell things I made, I’d have no room for craft storage!
• I am working on a custom quilt that when finished will bring in $275.

Any Other Monthly Income Here:

• As said above, we qualify for the CAI and CCB. CCB is $140/month currently and CAI is $400 quarterly.
• I get $500/year from my benefits to spend wherever and however I want. So far this year I’ve spent it on clothes and hiking boots. I have $190 left.

Section Three: Expenses

• Mortgage: $950 bi-weekly - $1900/month on 2 pay period months.
• Property Taxes: Sinking fund of $185/biweekly (we pay this annually in June. It is $2250 this year, last year was $1950).
• Home Insurance: $1640 annually. We pay this in full in July. I expect it to increase this year, but I’m unsure how much.
• Retirement Contribution: In addition to pre-tax contributions above, starting in August, biweekly contributions will be $377 to H’s TFSA and $226 to mine. H’s is more as I have my DCPP and when H’s total is closer to even or maxed out, I’ll max out mine.
• Savings Contribution: $200/biweekly starting in July, we also will have a home maintenance fund and will save $425/month.
• Debt Payments: LOC minimum is $130/month. We pay anywhere from $200 to $2000/month. This will increase come August, and the LOC will be paid off in May 2025. Both CCs should be paid off by September.
• Donations: $20/month to the animal shelter, and $20/month to SOS, I also volunteer at least 5-15 hours a month to a local sports group and to the foundation my MIL set up after my BIL passed. I sit on the board for both non-profits. We also randomly donate money to other things, or go in on 50/50 raffles different nonprofits have.
• Utilities: In the winter $600/month, the summer around $300/month. Gas and electricity combined. I live somewhere where it hits -40C and +40C depending on the time of the year.
• Garbage Rental: $40/month, $120/month when we get it dumped - approximately every 4 months. We live on an acreage and instead of carting garbage bags to work every week or going to the dump, we rent a dumpster for the driveway and call to have it dumped when it's full.
• Septic System Inspection/Cleaning: $400/year
• Internet: $105/month for unlimited fibre optic.
• Cellphone: $70/month for H. I have a work phone at no charge.
• Subscriptions: Amazon Prime $99/year, Spotify $11.54/month, Patreon $10.50/month (Money Feels <3), PlayStation Plus $32/quarter, Kindle Unlimited $10/month, Crunchyroll $9.99/month ($60.95/month total)
• Pet expenses: Roughly $100/month for food and litter for our two cats. Plus $400/year for an annual checkup. This will go up some as they age and probably have to have dental cleanings done.
• Car Insurance/Registration: No payments we own both vehicles outright. Insurance is $1500/year for both vehicles, we pay this in May/July. H spends around $300/month on gas as we live 30 min out of town. I have a work truck so I have no commuting costs. Annually we spend $160 on registration. AMA is 262.50 annually in July.
• Paid Hobbies: Don’t have fixed costs for these right now as we cut them out while I was on maternity leave. In January though, we’ll each get $100-200/month for hobbies.
• Daycare: $900/month ($450 the 1st and 15th). This is slightly more expensive than some others we found and does not qualify for subsidy or grants, but L loves her day home and the caretaker is great.
• Life/Disability Insurance: $125/month for both of us. This is $500K each for life and $100K each for critical illness.
• Food: Roughly $800/month in groceries and I’m not sure about eating out. Since going back to work a month ago life has been hectic so we’re spending more than usual on eating out/convenient foods. H has ADHD and forgets his lunch at home or in the car every day which is a waste, so he buys lunch either at the nearby grocery store or restaurants. I sometimes pack leftovers and sometimes go get food. I’ve been trying to get freezer meals and leave them at the office so I don’t have to pack things back and forth and we haven’t been making meals with leftovers.
• L’s Baby Supplies: $75/month? We have to buy diapers and wipes monthly pretty much.
• House Cleaners: This is an expense we had before H took his pay cut, and we’ve been slowly putting it back in the budget on and off. Roughly $200/clean which happens sporadically as the house is a mess and there is no time for two working parents to clean with an 11-month-old butt scooting everywhere. She always manages to find floor snacks
• Family: We send my sister-in-law money on a fairly regular basis, anywhere from $20-$100. She always pays us back, but we treat this as a write-off in case she doesn’t.

—
Day 1 - Friday
2 am - L wakes up and I get her back down 3 times before 3 am. At 3, H takes her out of the room to burn some energy before they both come back to bed roughly an hour later. Thanks, L. Thank you, H I was getting pretty frustrated with our darling child.
6:30 am - The first alarm goes off and I grab L for a cuddle and morning nursing session. Once she’s done, she rolls around and tries to climb both of us to get our phones before we all get out of bed at 7. Today is a PJ movie day at daycare so we don’t bother dressing her only changing the diaper and then H and L are out the door by 7:15. I leave for work at about 7:45 after doing some putting around.
8:15 am - I get to work and my first stop is the coffee machine. I get back to my office after talking to a few coworkers about our social club golf event next weekend. I see that an industry-specific mentor cohort program is open for applications so I find my most recent resume (2021!) and do a major update before applying. This year one of my goals is to work on leadership skills and mentoring so why not apply?
9 am - I had a hard time finding a bra this morning so I go online and purchase two new ones from the local bra-tique for pickup. My total is $170 after my 10% discount for signing up for their email list. This money is coming from my $500 annual work benefit for whatever I want and I now have $20 left. I eat my breakfast at my desk - yoghurt and homemade granola today.
11 am - I have a webinar on caribou to attend so I log into Zoom and while it's loading, pull up our cashflow forecaster to get the payday finances done before the weekend. $1750 to H’s cc to cover some overspending/vehicle expenses, $100 to the LOC, $373.10 for utilities, and $450 for daycare. Total is $2673.10 I’m not sure if I should include the bills in the daily writeups, but ah well. Day 1 spending is off to a great start.
1 pm - I get the notification that my bras are ready for pickup. Woohoo! I get new bras for the weekend! I send $50 to H’s TFSA once I confirm the bank account is connected.
2:30 pm - Eating lunch now as breakfast was so late. Freezer butter chicken with broccoli. I only have 1 more freezer meal at work so I make a note to restock.
3:30 pm - I work on some cycle times for the log haul for this coming logging season. It takes me a few minutes to remember exactly what I’m doing and how to do it. I am super glad I came back to work at the end of April as I get 3-ish months of slow time to get back into the swing of things before work starts to pick up.
4 pm - I am struggling to do any more than format my Excel sheets so I figure it’s time to pack it up and head home.
4:30 pm - After picking up my bras, I go to Once Upon A Child for some cheap baby clothes. L is in between sizes and we somehow managed to misplace all her more summery sleepwear so I’ve been grabbing a few here and there. OUAC has a sale on, 5 sleepers for $15 so I grab 5 of those and 4 other onesies for summer. We have a family photoshoot on Canada Day and I’ve been hunting for something that’ll match L’s ribbon skirt. $30.45
5 pm - I stop at the store to check the mail and grab a 12-pack of mixed tequila smashes. $37.55
5:30 pm - H calls. He’s off work and headed to get L. I pull burgers and fries out of the freezer, start up the BBQ and get the air fryer going.
6:05 pm - H and L arrive home in perfect time as the burgers and fries just finished cooking. I have an open Pineapple Tequila Smash and I hand H one to drink with supper too. L also has a veggie pouch with the burgers and fries.
7:20 pm - L is in bed nursing to sleep after her bath while H preps episode 4 of Obi-Wan Kenobi for us to watch. We watched it when it was first coming out, but he saw the discs at Walmart last week and figured to grab them. We thought we hadn’t seen all the episodes, but so far we’re 3:3 so we might’ve seen them all.
7:40 pm - L is down and out and I sneak out of the bedroom. I start a load of laundry and find the two bras I couldn’t this morning and handwash them. I sit down with H and we watch some Obi-Wan Kenobi.
10 pm - I check my email and see one from a local photographer group I really like. I’ve done at least two shoots with all 3 of them separately before and they’ve now joined forces. I went to their open house yesterday and won 50% off a boudoir package in 2024. I’ve wanted to book in since they announced their group, so I go through their open spots and book for November. My initial deposit is $262.50.
10:30 pm - We finished the last 3 episodes and watched all previously except for the finale. Of course. It was pretty good, but near the end, I started to scroll on my phone more than pay attention to the show. I swap the laundry, shower and head to bed at 11 pm.
H’s spending Day 1: $7.54 for lunch, $267.58 on vehicle parts/oil change that we didn’t budget for. Normally we would’ve, but communication is kinda crappy atm, and I think that’s due to sleep deprivation.
Day 1 total: $775.62 spending + $50 to TFSA. Oof off to a spendy start for the pay period.
—
Day 2 - Saturday
2:40 am - L is awake again and not going back down. This time it’s my turn. It’s already been a not-great night, hopefully, this 2 am party time doesn't keep happening.
4 am - We go back to bed. Our internet is on autopay and the notification comes through for my credit card. $105
7:20 am - L is up for the day. I don’t want to get out of bed yet, so I cuddle H and L rolls around, tries to stand and almost deletes everything on my phone. Then she notices my boobs so it’s time for a quick nurse.
8 am - I run the coffee machine and get breakfast going. We’re having pancakes this morning. While they’re cooking I pop some milk in the frother to make a fancy coffee. TBD if I drink it while it’s still hot. I feed the cats their morning meal.
8:30 am - H gets up and I’m still cooking. He grabs a coffee and takes L into the living room so I don’t trip over her and the plastic container horde.
9:30 am - H plays some Baldurs Gate 3 and L watches while I sort through the laundry I did last night. I try to get dressed and none of my shorts fit anymore so off in the donation bag they go. It’ll be a summer of dresses I guess! I start another load of laundry.
9:50 am - L is ready for a nap. Just kidding she just wanted some boob instead. We go outside afterwards to get some morning sun. Hopefully, this will tire her out and she will go down for a nap later! She hasn’t been big on sleep since she was born and gets major FOMO so we have no semblance of a schedule on weekends.
10:45 am - I bring L back inside and change her into outfit #3 for the day. Her trike got rained on and she gets soaked when she sits in it. I switch the laundry over, start yet another load and then pass L to H so I can head to the store, fill the Jerry can with gas for the lawnmower and do the recycling. 20 L of gas is $32.78 and I grab two lime slushes for H and I ($5.19). It’s +20 already and gorgeous. Total $37.97
11:30 am - L is ready for a nap! By 11:50 she’s down and I head outside to mow some of the lawn. It’s usually a 4 hr job so I don’t think I’ll get it all done today.
1 pm - I head inside for lunch, we’re having tuna sandwiches. L napped for 20 min and I didn’t get more than half the lawn mowed. After lunch, we head into town to hang out with my friend K and her two kids. We met in college back in 2014 and have babies of a similar age so it’s always nice to go over and visit.
4:30 pm - We leave K’s house and I swing by Wendy’s for a cold coffee-type drink for the drive home. I try the chocolate frosty-cinno and it’s terrible. Should’ve just gone to Tim’s for an ice cap. $4.19
5:05 pm - L fell asleep on the drive home so I hang out in the car with the windows down for another 5-10 minutes before moving things inside. She wakes up and we head in. H picks a meal and starts making dinner. L is fussy and still tired so I nurse her and we hang out in the cool basement while H cooks. I sort through the laundry that finished off today.
6 pm - H is still cooking our dinner, I reheat leftover pasta for L. H runs her bath and I bath her. She’s still grumpy on and off so she’ll probably be going to bed right after this.
6:45 pm - H and I eat chicken wings and shrimp poppers. L has decided it’s not bedtime yet, I tried to put her down and she got a second wind instead.
9:30 pm - I work on the website for one of the non-profits I volunteer for once L goes to bed at 8. After I’m done, I head into the craft room and work on the custom rag quilt project. One row left to sew together, then to put the final 5 rows together, figure out my borders and start cutting all the edges! It’s not ‘due’ until mid-July but I’d rather get it done sooner and not have to rush. My SIL texts and asks to borrow $50 till Thursday, I send it over out of my spending.
11 pm - H and I both go to bed after some kitty snuggles
Day 2 total: $92.16 (not counting $105 for internet)
—
Day 3 - Sunday
7 am - L is awake and I nurse her a couple of times cause she can’t decide if she’s happy or not. It was a decent night, but she must still be tired from not napping much yesterday. It’s my day to sleep in so H takes her out of the room by 7:30.
9:30 am - I get up make some coffee and slowly start on breakfast
10:30 am - L and I are eating breakfast, I made scrambled eggs, fried up leftover sausage, tomato and she also has two crackers with cream cheese. H and I wrote up a grocery list before I sat down and he’s off to town to get groceries and fuel up the car before the work week starts. Usually, H and his best friend C have a grocery shopping bro-date every Sunday, but C and his family are out camping this weekend so H heads in alone.
11 am - L is ready for a nap. I put her down and fold her laundry and the house laundry, taking a few breaks to scroll Reddit or Facebook and drink more coffee.
12:30 pm - L woke up and is kinda grouchy so we have a dance party to elicit baby giggles. H gets back from shopping and we put the groceries away, they cost $374.03. This is actually cheaper than the last few times we did a stock up so that’s nice! Groceries include ground beef, frozen chicken, wings, fries, cucumber, tomatoes, grapes, bananas, yoghurt, frozen lunches, macaroni, Ichiban, burgers, buttermilk, perogies, frozen fruit, frozen veggies, gravy mix, hollandaise mix, and more. We’ve been buying more convenience foods lately, but I do have 3 suppers planned for the week. He also grabbed me a big coffee mug for $6. He got gas for $60.83, and once we unload the groceries, he runs to the store for bacon, 2 jars of our favourite cowboy candy (pickled sweetened jalapeños), chips and a Starbucks frappe drink for $41.93. I make some sandwiches for lunch for tomorrow so I don’t have to scramble in the morning.
1 pm - Lunch is Ichiban noodles for H and I and baby charcuterie for L - strawberries, grapes, ham, cheese, and cucumber. We head outside afterwards to enjoy the weather, L is so close to walking, she pulls herself up onto everything right now. She has an after-lunch snack of mown grass and dandelions.
3 pm - We’re back inside and H puts on Die Hart 2. L goes down for her second nap at 4:15 and we finish the movie. I wake L up at 5:45 so she doesn’t sleep too long. When she wakes up she makes a face identical to her dad’s and it’s hilarious.
7 pm - H is cooking dinner, we’re having eggs Benny and bacon for supper. I prep L’s diaper bag for tomorrow and we run it out to the car. I also put all my laundry away so the closet is ready for the week. H sits on the chair once we’re done dinner and both cats flock to him and spread themselves over his legs.
9:45 pm - I finish off piecing the quilt top and head downstairs to shower. L is getting tired too so as soon as I’m done we head to bed. H is not far behind us.
Daily 3 total: $482.79. This is pretty usual for a grocery shop day.
—
Day 4 - Monday
6:35 am - My alarm goes off. Can’t lay in bed today as I need to meet my coworkers at the office at 7:30 am. We’re doing a team bonding mountain hike and it’s a 2.5 hrs drive away. I grab a banana, toast a bagel, add cream cheese and I’m out the door before 7 after filling up the cats' food.
7:30 am - I get to the office, fill up a water bottle, make a coffee and grab a few things from my office. Almost everyone is there, and we leave at 7:45
9:45 am - We’re there! I’ve seen 2 moose, 1 mule deer, 1 elk and almost hit 2 caribou on the highway already today! We start up the trailhead at about 10 am
1:00 pm - This mountain is much steeper than anticipated. A coworker and I decide at about 300 metres to the top that we shouldn’t push it. The last km has been extremely steep and we’ve hit our max. The rest of the group has gone ahead and summitted. We eat our lunch with a great view and start the trek back down.
3:30 pm - We’re back at the trucks! 11.2 km round trip. We hit the road to head home and stop at Dairy Queen for a celebratory ice cream. I spend $4.92 on a medium dip cone.
6 pm - Back at the office. I call H and let him know I’m headed home now and he suggests chicken wings for supper. I’m down for anything as long as I don’t have to cook.
7 pm - We all eat dinner. L has some veggie pouch, chicken wings/nuggets and leftover pasta. I am almost too tired to eat. One cat keeps trying to get L’s nuggets so he gets in trouble and shooed out of the dining room.
8:15 pm - I try to put L to bed and she goes down for a bit but decides ultimately that it’s not actually time for bed.
8:40 pm - I go and have a hot, hot shower, my muscles are sore and tomorrow might not be fun. L and H party in the TV area, she’s pulling herself up onto everything and trying to crawl up the couch. Not sure where she got this energy from! One of our cats comes for some aggressive cuddles and pets and H puts his dirty t-shirt on the chair for him. Our cat loves dirty laundry it’s hilarious.
9:20 pm - Time for bed for everyone. Hope tonight is a good night and we all can get some rest.
Day 4 Total: $4.92 (this would have been covered by one of the superintendents but a few people got ahead of her in line so she couldn’t pay for us all). My card is also charged by the garbage disposal company for the dumpster ($40.43 - counted in the bills above).
H didn’t spend any money today.
—
Day 5 - Tuesday
7 am - The first alarm went off at 6:30, but we are all tired and don’t want to wake up. I nurse L for a bit then we get up at 7. I’m pretty sore this morning so I’m not moving too fast. Get her dressed and H and L leave by 7:10. H fed the cats this morning so I don’t have to.
7:30 am - I forgot to pay H’s other cc and it’s due in 4 days so I pay it off now - $93.80 (random Amazon purchases and my KU). I pull some chicken out of the freezer to defrost and make my breakfast of homemade granola, hemp hearts and yoghurt. I leave the house around 7:45 to head to work.
8:20 am - I get to the office and immediately get asked some questions about blocks we have slated for this Fall/Winter. I’m not 100% sure of the answer and have to double-check with my boss. I grab a coffee and chat with the head boss before my boss arrives. I clarify what I need and relay the info back to my coworkers.
9:30 am - I eat my breakfast while I scroll through online courses offered by my company. I got an email yesterday of one I’m supposed to take so I book into that.
11 am - I book H and myself massages, 2 each - one this month and one next month.
12:30 pm - I took a long time to eat breakfast so I’m not quite hungry yet. I grab my running shoes from the truck and take a slow walk on the elliptical to help my sore muscles. This morning hasn’t been too busy, but I’m having a hard time starting my next big task (cycle time calculations) so hopefully the slow walk helps some.
1:30 pm - I’m back at my desk and diving into cycle time calculations. H grabs KFC for lunch $24.12
2 pm - Lunch time, I’m having a leftover sandwich from yesterday, a grapefruit cup, grapes and strawberries. I also grab a chai with milk from the coffee machine. I eat while I plug away at the cycle times.
3:45 pm - I finish off one section of cycle times and my brain has had enough. I go fill my water bottle and chat with a few coworkers. At 4:15 pm someone comes by to sign a few cheques I asked for and I leave the office at 4:30 pm
4:40 pm - H grabbed buttermilk instead of heavy cream and I need it for supper tonight so I swing by the grocery store. Then, I head out of town to a colleague’s house to drop off one of the cheques. $4.95
5:15 pm - I check the mail, get home and start cooking. We’re having Skillet Dijon Chicken with Asparagus and Mushrooms for supper. I also make some macaroni for a side. H and L get home about 5:45 to the cats waiting at the door.
6:20 pm - Supper is served! It is delicious. L and H aren’t fans of the asparagus, but the chicken, macaroni and sauce are perfection! H also riggs up a tie to L’s water bottle so it doesn’t hit the ground every 30 seconds. We fed the cats at the same time and they’re not begging for food quite so much tonight.
6:50 pm - We’re finished supper, H cleans up and I bath L.
7:30 pm - H calls my/our best friend J via FaceTime and we chat with her and her daughter R for a few minutes. L tried to steal the phone and gets mad when we don’t let her. J’s daughter requests a morning call so I promise to call at 7 am. J doesn’t think R will be awake yet so we’ll see!
8 pm - L is tired and ready to go to sleep. I put her down, have a hot bath, throw in some epsom salts, and read a bit on my KU.
9:40 pm - Bedtime!
Day 5 Total: $112.17 (removed $10 for my KU - counted in subscriptions)
—
Day 6 - Wednesday
7 am - I nurse L, she had a weird wake-up last night so we’re tossing the idea of taking her into daycare today. I’ll probably take her in a bit later and H will take his truck so if I have to WFH for the afternoon I can. Try calling J and R and there is no response - I am not surprised.
7:45 am - L and I leave the house, she’s not coughing much and doesn’t have a fever or anything so she’s good to go to daycare today
8:15 am - I drop L off at daycare
8:30 am - I get to the office. I talk with a few coworkers and ask our admin if my new phone has been dropped off yet.
9 am - My new phone is here! Now to start the setup process, everything takes forever with all the authentication apps we need. I also go through all my iCloud photos and organize/save them to my OneDrive while the phone is getting set up.
12:30 pm - I think the phone is finally done. Now to eat some lunch, I’m having leftovers from 2 nights ago - chicken nuggets, strawberries, grapes and a Cherry Bubly.
1:30 pm - H goes to a food truck for lunch. $35.01. This includes the tip.
3 pm - I had some more phone set-up to do. Might be finished now? Get an email about the cats’ annual checkups and vaccinations so I book their appointments for August.
4 pm - SIL paid me back the $50, plus another $50 she’d borrowed earlier. (+$100) I work on the photo garland for L’s first birthday for a bit.
5 pm - I haven’t gotten much done today beyond setting up my phone. I leave the office and pick up L at 5:20. I talk to her day home provider for about 15 min about how she’s been doing, etc.
6 pm - We get home! H has cooked supper already, so as soon as we get in the door we sit down to eat. Supper tonight is perogies and garlic bread. L also has a veggie pouch. H tells me the old vehicle was sold, and the buyers are doing a payment plan. We will get $300/month for the next 10 months. A lump sum would be nice, but H’s coworkers will handle all the paperwork so it’s no more work for us.
6:45 pm - Time for a bath! H cleans up supper, cleans the litter boxes (we have 3) and starts some laundry while I take L and get her cleaned up.
7 pm - All finished in the bath. We head downstairs and hang out until L is ready for sleep. I mostly scroll my phone and H plays on his Rog Ally. L climbs the couch and me and scoots around on the floor hunting for different treasures.
8:40 pm - L is ready for bed. I put her down and read some more KU
10 pm - H and I head to bed. I washed and dried a baby quilt to bring to work in the morning for a coworker.
Day 6 Total: $35.01 for H’s lunch. I spend $0, and ‘make’ $100
—
Day 7 - Thursday
6:35 am - The first alarm goes off. It’s a new one on the phone and nice to wake up to! L doesn’t want to wake up and she grumbles and rolls around.
7 am - We all get out of bed. I get L dressed while H packs up what he needs for the day. I get her milk together and they’re out the door by 7:15
7:50 am - I leave the house. After H and L left, I did the dishes and packed up my stuff for the day. Made a smoothie for breakfast (yoghurt, flax seed, orange, banana, rhubarb jam, frozen berries, watermelon, cranberry juice and milk) and there’s lots left over so I pop that into the fridge for tomorrow. I need gas in the work truck, so I head there before going to the office. I have a fuel card so I don’t spend any $ on fuel.
8:30 am - Get to the office and it’s time to make a coffee. I have some things to get done before my webinar at 11 am.
9 am - I show the quilt to my coworker, she loves it and buys it! (+$100)
11 am - Oops. I didn’t get the login link earlier and don’t know who to contact to get it so no webinar for me. I scroll Reddit and my socials and work a bit more on my cycle times. I snack on some grapes and drink another coffee.
1 pm - Lunch time! I’m having leftover skillet Dijon chicken and macaroni. It is still delicious, that recipe is going into the rotation for sure! H goes to McDonalds for lunch and spends $35.66. He bought a coworker lunch as well, she was having a rough day.
2 pm - Chat with a few coworkers about different projects/things we need to think of for this next year.
3 pm - I have an afternoon pick-me-up snack of Brookside pomegranate-flavoured chocolate and a ginger ale.
4:30 pm - I’m tired and don’t feel like doing anything else. I leave the office and call H to see what we should do for supper. We decide on potstickers and veggies, I’ll start cooking when I get home. I stop and check the mail on my way home too.
5:45 pm - H and L arrive home. I take L into the spare room and we call my mum and grandma for a video chat. L rolls around the bed and shows off how she’s almost standing!
6:10 pm - We sit down to eat, L isn’t that interested in either the potstickers or veggies so we pull out some leftover macaroni and she goes to town on that.
7 pm - Bath time! H cleans up and does some more laundry. It just seems to never end.
7:30 pm - Bedtime for L. I read some of my book while I put her down.
8:30 pm - SIL texts again to borrow $50. I send it over out of my spending. I get all of the borders cut for the custom quilt.
9 pm - H has SING on so I sit down to watch it, he’s also playing his Rog Aloy and I’m reading some more of my book.
10 pm - We go to bed.
Day 7 Total: $35.66 for H’s lunch. I spend $50, and ‘make’ $100
—
Weekly Expenses:

• Food + Drink: 575.09
• Fun/Entertainment: $0
• Home + Health: $38.78 (includes gas for lawn mower)
• Clothes + Beauty: $200.45
• Transport/Vehicle Expenses: $328.41
• Other: $496.30 (CC payment, photoshoot, TFSA and $ to SIL)

Total Spending: $1639.03
Reflection:

• This was a more expensive week for sure. I don’t usually spend money on clothes and the photo shoot deposit was a random impulsive spend. The vehicle expenses were also a bit different, usually, they’re budgeted for but not this time.
• Honestly surprised we didn’t order dinner at least once this week - usually we do!
• Events-wise, it was a typical week except for the mountain hike, those are not part of my usual work day. This time of year is slow and mostly involves prep for the coming winter.
• This was a fun experiment to write! I did have to cut some things as my word count kept increasing and I didn’t want it to be too long - is this too long even still? Too much detail on baby routines?

…up to the point where my Calvinist sister made very pointed comments about Pride, and how the city government where she lives celebrates “Sodomy Pride” and there is nothing about that “deviant deathstyle” worth celebrating to a group of my cousins.
She went on to people’s use of pronouns, giving her considered Calvinist opinion that the only pronouns are “he/they/she/it” and then running the pronouns together to form the phrase “they she-yit”. Ha, ha, ha,
I turned to her, took her hand and said, “You’re holding back stating your feelings to the group. Share with us how you REALLY feel. Remember, feelings can be scary, but their only FEELINGS, and group is a safe place for us to share our feelings.”
Everyone laughed — except my sister, who left shortly thereafter.
I sent her a picture from last year’s PRIDE festival in Indianapolis, where representatives from all Episcopal churches in the diocese sent representatives to march in the parade, and had a booth at the festival. (This year we’re doing a float for the parade.)
I told her the woman in the purple shirt with the white collar is our bishop. (In Calvinist churches, women have no authority over any man, ever.) She’s easily the best bishop I’ve ever met or dealt with. To the best of my knowledge, there are no people of color attending my sister’s church. It’s possible that people of color could have problems with the Scriptural admonitions for “slaves to obey their masters” since Calvinists believe every single word of Scripture is literally true and infallible.
Response from my sister: crickets.
Moral of the story: don’t use your gay brother’s 70th birthday celebration as a reason to spread Calvinist bigotry.

Sorry if this is hard to read, I'm still overwhelmed with emotions but I will clarify any questions.
I'm using my alt for privacy reasons because I don't want the potential promotion. When I was a kid my sister and I didn't get along, I couldn't play with anyone, and the ones I did play with were short-term. My mom was overseas (military) and I lived with my grandmother for a year or so, she put me through hell and was very old-fashioned. So, you get an idea of how she was, she slammed my head into the dashboard of the car because I tried to sleep during the ride home when I got suspended for fighting a bully that she encouraged me to fight, then yelled “Bad kids don't get to sleep”. I ended up distracting myself with online content until I was 13. I asked her why she had a bias and gave my sister so much and only made me do all the chores. she told me that she only has one granddaughter and many grandsons so I wasn't as important, this was when I stopped caring about her. I confronted her later about how she treated me in my childhood and was told “Its not abuse if you deserved it.” and that's why I said I hated her My father isn't in my life for how he treated my mother and my grandmother thinks I'm going to turn out like him every day. At 13 was the age I told my grandmother I hated her and went to NC. This has been a major issue with my mom, she's constantly trying to get us to talk to each other and when I set boundaries with her I get called disrespectful I even got grounded for not going to her 62nd birthday party because me not showing up caused a shit storm and I told my aunt why I didn't go but she ended up arguing with my grandmother over it and it got back to my mom that I sighed before saying hello to my grandmother on the phone. There's more but my mom insists that I keep talking to my grandmother when I try to cut contact we argue. I will admit she changed but not by much, she went from a lemon to a lime. My grandmother is all my mom has left of her parents so me not talking to her is a slap in the face. my grandmother had to get her teeth removed and my sister realized she was getting close to dying but honestly, I don't care what happens to her. I still have scars on my arms on legs from what she did but I lie and say they’re all bug bits I picked at so I don’t get further questions.
I was not allowed to get a job until I learned how to drive, I failed my first test but 3 questions, I passed the signs with flying colors but I struggled with the hypotheticals, anyway that meant I couldn't get a job and my sister thinks I'm useless even though she blows through all her money. Now desperate, I make a channel to post content, I'm not monetized yet but all I have to do now is reach 500 subscribers. My mom has been asking for my channel name so she can support me but I said no, if she asks something and I need to show her something about my channel I screenshot and blur the info and she hates it, my cash app is the same name because I'm lazy she if she wanted to she could find it. She asked me again because “some family members” wanted to Support me, I knew right away that it was my grandmother and aunts, I love my aunts but I knew someone would give the name to my grandmother like every other time so I said no. My mom said she just wanted to support me but I didn't change my answer and I'm considering getting her phone and blocking my account so it won't show up in her feed. Every time I try to avoid my grandmother or cut the conversation short I get grounded and lose my stuff, my grandmother has never been supportive of my choices until I said I hated her, then she sucked up to me.
For those worried I'm planning on persuing culinary, this is just something i want to on the side. My grandmother is visiting for the summer, and when she asked me about culinary i lied and said I am choosing a new career (My culinary teacher yelled at me for being sick when i wasnt lying so i almost dropped out but got over it. but i milked it so she doesnt have any info aboit me). I started going to my local gym, my plan is to work out for a few hours and edit the videos while I wait for the street lights to come on. I can't have a job until I learn to drive and on my first try, I failed by 3 questions so that's why. I'm turning 17 very soon, but I'm still keeping secrets from my mom, she knows little to nothing about me now because I fear that she will keep updating my grandmother, I even heard her ranting that she knows everything about my sister (18) but told her therapist and her card reading psychic about how private and she doesn't know why, I forgot which but one said to be patient and the other told her I got something to hide. (I told her several times and gave her multiple chances). I have gotten a single good job on my channel and every other mention was an insult and using it as an excuse for my grades being poor. I have A-B’s but got an F in one class but I got enough credit to pass with a D. My mom has this habit of telling my sister to give her every password to her accounts because my sister is to put it nicely, out there. I'm I fear she will get pissed one day and delete my channel so I won't even give her the name. I feel like a second thought when it comes to my grandmothers emotions.
Once again, will answer any questions but am I wrong? Sorry for the word vomit.
TLDR My wanted me to share info with her but I declined because it always gets back to my grandmother who abused me and I went NC with.

Sorry if this is hard to read, I'm still overwhelmed with emotions but I will clarify any questions.
I'm using my alt for privacy reasons because I don't want the potential promotion. When I was a kid my sister and I didn't get along, I couldn't play with anyone, and the ones I did play with were short-term. My mom was overseas (military) and I lived with my grandmother for a year or so, she put me through hell and was very old-fashioned. So, you get an idea of how she was, she slammed my head into the dashboard of the car because I tried to sleep during the ride home when I got suspended for fighting a bully that she encouraged me to fight, then yelled “Bad kids don't get to sleep”. I ended up distracting myself with online content until I was 13. I asked her why she had a bias and gave my sister so much and only made me do all the chores. she told me that she only has one granddaughter and many grandsons so I wasn't as important, this was when I stopped caring about her. I confronted her later about how she treated me in my childhood and was told “Its not abuse if you deserved it.” and that's why I said I hated her My father isn't in my life for how he treated my mother and my grandmother thinks I'm going to turn out like him every day. At 13 was the age I told my grandmother I hated her and went to NC. This has been a major issue with my mom, she's constantly trying to get us to talk to each other and when I set boundaries with her I get called disrespectful I even got grounded for not going to her 62nd birthday party because me not showing up caused a shit storm and I told my aunt why I didn't go but she ended up arguing with my grandmother over it and it got back to my mom that I sighed before saying hello to my grandmother on the phone. There's more but my mom insists that I keep talking to my grandmother when I try to cut contact we argue. I will admit she changed but not by much, she went from a lemon to a lime. My grandmother is all my mom has left of her parents so me not talking to her is a slap in the face. my grandmother had to get her teeth removed and my sister realized she was getting close to dying but honestly, I don't care what happens to her. I still have scars on my arms on legs from what she did but I lie and say they’re all bug bits I picked at so I don’t get further questions.
I was not allowed to get a job until I learned how to drive, I failed my first test but 3 questions, I passed the signs with flying colors but I struggled with the hypotheticals, anyway that meant I couldn't get a job and my sister thinks I'm useless even though she blows through all her money. Now desperate, I make a channel to post content, I'm not monetized yet but all I have to do now is reach 500 subscribers. My mom has been asking for my channel name so she can support me but I said no, if she asks something and I need to show her something about my channel I screenshot and blur the info and she hates it, my cash app is the same name because I'm lazy she if she wanted to she could find it. She asked me again because “some family members” wanted to Support me, I knew right away that it was my grandmother and aunts, I love my aunts but I knew someone would give the name to my grandmother like every other time so I said no. My mom said she just wanted to support me but I didn't change my answer and I'm considering getting her phone and blocking my account so it won't show up in her feed. Every time I try to avoid my grandmother or cut the conversation short I get grounded and lose my stuff, my grandmother has never been supportive of my choices until I said I hated her, then she sucked up to me.
For those worried I'm planning on persuing culinary, this is just something i want to on the side. My grandmother is visiting for the summer, and when she asked me about culinary i lied and said I am choosing a new career (My culinary teacher yelled at me for being sick when i wasnt lying so i almost dropped out but got over it. but i milked it so she doesnt have any info aboit me). I started going to my local gym, my plan is to work out for a few hours and edit the videos while I wait for the street lights to come on. I can't have a job until I learn to drive and on my first try, I failed by 3 questions so that's why. I'm turning 17 very soon, but I'm still keeping secrets from my mom, she knows little to nothing about me now because I fear that she will keep updating my grandmother, I even heard her ranting that she knows everything about my sister (18) but told her therapist and her card reading psychic about how private and she doesn't know why, I forgot which but one said to be patient and the other told her I got something to hide. (I told her several times and gave her multiple chances). I have gotten a single good job on my channel and every other mention was an insult and using it as an excuse for my grades being poor. I have A-B’s but got an F in one class but I got enough credit to pass with a D. My mom has this habit of telling my sister to give her every password to her accounts because my sister is to put it nicely, out there. I'm I fear she will get pissed one day and delete my channel so I won't even give her the name.
Once again, will answer any questions but am I wrong? Sorry for the word vomit.

Sorry if this is hard to read, I'm still overwhelmed with emotions but I will clarify any questions.
I'm using my alt for privacy reasons because I don't want the potential promotion. When I was a kid my sister and I didn't get along, I couldn't play with anyone, and the ones I did play with were short-term. My mom was overseas (military) and I lived with my grandmother for a year or so, she put me through hell and was very old-fashioned. So, you get an idea of how she was, she slammed my head into the dashboard of the car because I tried to sleep during the ride home when I got suspended for fighting a bully that she encouraged me to fight, then yelled “Bad kids don't get to sleep”. I ended up distracting myself with online content until I was 13. I asked her why she had a bias and gave my sister so much and only made me do all the chores. she told me that she only has one granddaughter and many grandsons so I wasn't as important, this was when I stopped caring about her. I confronted her later about how she treated me in my childhood and was told “Its not abuse if you deserved it.” and that's why I said I hated her My father isn't in my life for how he treated my mother and my grandmother thinks I'm going to turn out like him every day. At 13 was the age I told my grandmother I hated her and went to NC. This has been a major issue with my mom, she's constantly trying to get us to talk to each other and when I set boundaries with her I get called disrespectful I even got grounded for not going to her 62nd birthday party because me not showing up caused a shit storm and I told my aunt why I didn't go but she ended up arguing with my grandmother over it and it got back to my mom that I sighed before saying hello to my grandmother on the phone. There's more but my mom insists that I keep talking to my grandmother when I try to cut contact we argue. I will admit she changed but not by much, she went from a lemon to a lime. My grandmother is all my mom has left of her parents so me not talking to her is a slap in the face. my grandmother had to get her teeth removed and my sister realized she was getting close to dying but honestly, I don't care what happens to her. I still have scars on my arms on legs from what she did but I lie and say they’re all bug bits I picked at so I don’t get further questions.
I was not allowed to get a job until I learned how to drive, I failed my first test but 3 questions, I passed the signs with flying colors but I struggled with the hypotheticals, anyway that meant I couldn't get a job and my sister thinks I'm useless even though she blows through all her money. Now desperate, I make a channel to post content, I'm not monetized yet but all I have to do now is reach 500 subscribers. My mom has been asking for my channel name so she can support me but I said no, if she asks something and I need to show her something about my channel I screenshot and blur the info and she hates it, my cash app is the same name because I'm lazy she if she wanted to she could find it. She asked me again because “some family members” wanted to Support me, I knew right away that it was my grandmother and aunts, I love my aunts but I knew someone would give the name to my grandmother like every other time so I said no. My mom said she just wanted to support me but I didn't change my answer and I'm considering getting her phone and blocking my account so it won't show up in her feed. Every time I try to avoid my grandmother or cut the conversation short I get grounded and lose my stuff, my grandmother has never been supportive of my choices until I said I hated her, then she sucked up to me.
For those worried I'm planning on persuing culinary, this is just something i want to on the side. My grandmother is visiting for the summer, and when she asked me about culinary i lied and said I am choosing a new career (My culinary teacher yelled at me for being sick when i wasnt lying so i almost dropped out but got over it. but i milked it so she doesnt have any info aboit me). I started going to my local gym, my plan is to work out for a few hours and edit the videos while I wait for the street lights to come on. I can't have a job until I learn to drive and on my first try, I failed by 3 questions so that's why. I'm turning 17 very soon, but I'm still keeping secrets from my mom, she knows little to nothing about me now because I fear that she will keep updating my grandmother, I even heard her ranting that she knows everything about my sister (18) but told her therapist and her card reading psychic about how private and she doesn't know why, I forgot which but one said to be patient and the other told her I got something to hide. (I told her several times and gave her multiple chances). I have gotten a single good job on my channel and every other mention was an insult and using it as an excuse for my grades being poor. I have A-B’s but got an F in one class but I got enough credit to pass with a D. My mom has this habit of telling my sister to give her every password to her accounts because my sister is to put it nicely, out there. I'm I fear she will get pissed one day and delete my channel so I won't even give her the name.
Once again, will answer any questions but am I wrong? Sorry for the word vomit.

For context this happened a year ago July 2023 I won’t be disclosing names for privacy reasons, so bsf will go by Rachel. Rachel and I have been very close friends for 6 years so close to the point we called each other sisters and her parents wanted to adopt me, I ended up moving across country beginning of 2021 we still called everyday along with our other close friend James. Even though I was far we still had the time to catch up with each other, I noticed every time she would talk to a new partner she wouldn’t call or text me it had to be me putting in the effort which I don’t mind but she made it seem she didn’t want to talk to me I’d text her after 3 days of no communication “hey how are you” expecting the usual response she would respond with “good” and that was it so I let it be until she would break up with them and wanna be otp with me non stop but as soon as she finds someone new she would stop talking me to again it turned into a cycle atp. James and I both felt the same way about the situation it felt as if she ditched us for guys and when they’d dump her she ran right to us with her problems we both got tired of it after this one specific guy Charles on and off and she would cry to me every time but get back with him. Then she just stopping calling and texting in general, I would text her once a week. The morning of her birthday I FaceTimed her, “hey I love you I hope you turn tf up and have fun send pics for me” is what I told her she said thank you and her mom asked who was otp and she said, “my bsf” remember that she had to go so we hung up, I hung up thinking we’re fine and nothing is wrong between us. Later on that night my bf asked who this guy was viewing his instagram story it was my ex, so I texted my ex to leave my bf alone and he has no business snooping in my life since we haven’t been tg for almost 2 years, ex bf has abused me physically and mentally through our 3 year relationship and Rachel knew all about it. My ex Joe then said “I was at Rachel’s birthday and she was telling me you were in a new relationship and you think he’s hot and that you guys weren’t friends anymore” this blew me over the edge and I texted her confronting her and all she had to say was “so we aren’t friends idk why you’re texting me” I blocked her and I haven’t talked to her since but all my friends from my previous town keep telling me she keeps talking shit about me saying it’s my fault and that she’s so happy she dropped me for her new boyfriend so AITA because I feel like I was somewhat in the wrong I could’ve texted her more but I felt like she wanted nothing to do with me but I also feel I’m in the right because James feels the same exact same way towards her?

In 2002, I (Chris, then 18m now 30m) had finished high school and got accepted to a top engineering college. I was really looking forward to this chapter of my life. Home life had been fine, but I never had felt overly cared for. My parents werent neglectful, but I was always 2nd to my Golden Child younger sister.
It was clear from a young age that I was gifted academically, but instead of this getting me praise it got me only expectations. Mistakes for me were not acceptable and my consequences would be heavy. I still remember getting my car taken for a month when I was 16 because I forgot to lock the front door one day when I left. My successes were expected not celebrated, and while some words of pride might be shared, my triumphs were never a "big deal."
On contrast my little sister (Alicia, 14F then) had been praised and treated like a princess from birth. She could do no wrong, their was always a reason for her bad behavior, she may be corrected but the consequences would be slight or only involve a verbal scolding. She was nowhere the student I was, she wasn't dumb, she was just average. However physically she was very gifted. By time she was in middle school she was a USAG level 8 gymnast. So by no means a future Olympian but still very talented. I still remember events like my birthdays being overtaken by my parents wanting her to "show off" her skills and her getting gifts or a say in where we ate. I remember being so happy when she quit gymnastics after 7th grade, one so I would get to stop hearing about it, but also so I wasn't expected to go to her endlessly long competitions.
Fast forward to the end of my Freshman year and I was back home. It was our annual family Memorial weekend BBQ. Extended family, family friends, Dad's coworkers, it was a big deal. I had an amazing Freshman year. I was Dean's list both semesters, had joined the school's shooting club (and was quite the natural at it), made a great group of friends and found myself a girlfriend (Nicole) that I'd been seeing for 8 months.
I'm not sure if my parents even once said anything about me. The talk of the day had been how my sister was All-State in the Pole Vault as a HS Freshman. I can remember only 2 people even asking me how college was going. But then again why would they care? I mean my ability to basically build an engine from scratch is far less practical and impressive than my sisters ability catapult herself with a stick. Joking aside, I was honestly used to this.
Things didn't go south for me until the following Thanksgiving. I was still riding high and was very successful. I had been selected to do an international internship in the UK for the following summer. Most of the cost would be covered by scholarship, but a small amount still remained. My father, much to my surprise praised me, and offered to cover all my other expenses. I was extremely grateful. This coincided with my sister finally doing something that had even our parents ashamed of her. She had gotten caught performing an "inappropriate act" on a classmate during lunch in the school parking lot. On top of that, when caught, admins decided to search her backpack and found pot. She was suspended from school for 10 days, and my parents had taken away her car for a month (I found this ironic as it implied that leaving the door unlocked was on par with doing drugs, public indecency, and lewd conduct on school grounds but I just kept that to myself, since I was happy enough to be #1 for any amount of time or reason). At dinner with my grandparents and my Aunts family, I was the talk of the family. There was almost no talk of my sister and her grand sports, but there were lots of disappointed looks that she had never had to bear before.
I returned to school that Sunday night and showed up at my girlfriend's apartment, this was the last night of normalcy I would have the rest of my life.
The Next day after getting back from class to my dorm room. I had found I had an email from my father. It read:
"Christopher,
Your sister has informed us of your heinous acts against her. I do not know where I and your mother went wrong, or how you could do such despicable things to your own sister. While it does explain her recent misgivings, I am heartbroken to know that you are the cause. You have destroyed our family. I have already informed immediate family, do not reach out to the them. The only reason we are not proceeding with legal action is for your sisters sake, as I will not force her to face you. You have done enough to harm her already.
From this day forth you are no longer my son, I will be legally disowning you. Do not ever contact us again."
Panicked and confused I immediately began to call the house, then my father's cell. No answers. I did this with several other immediate family members and got no answer there as well. Finally after calling what must have been 100 times, I tried calling Alicia's cell phone. It was this time it was answered and it was my father on the other end. I could hear hysterical crying in the background. I began begging for someone to tell me what was going on, but my father interjected and told me not to play innocent or dumb. The only reason he answered was because he couldn't believe I would stoop low enough to call Alicia directly. He told me I was not welcome, that I was a monster, and asked me how I could abuse and assault her like that. I tried to reason with him, to plead my case, but he would not listen. He finally told me if I ever called again, came by again, or contacted them by any means he would go to the authorities. This was my last chance to be a decent person and get out of their lives. If I ever so much as sent a letter, he would make it his mission that I ended up on the sex offender registry for the rest of my life.
Devastated and defeated I went to Nicole for support. I told her everything that happened. She seemed uneasy but tried to support me. I could tell something was off, and she asked me to head back to my dorm for the night. I was heartbroken to be sent away but rationalized my concerns away. When I got to my dorm my roommate (Jack) was there and being his usual self. Jack had been my best friend since day one of college Freshman year. That was until I told him what happened. He too grew uneasy afterwards but attempted more support than Nicole had. It wasn't until the next day, that the two them would start to distance themselves from me.
Over the course of the next week Nicole broke up with me in a public place, with her brother and cousin on stand by. I guess I should be grateful she didn't just ghost me. Jack requested and was given an emergency placement in a new dorm room. They both rationalized that there was no way my family would just cut me off without it being justified. They had assumed my guilt as well. In the course of a week I had lost everyone that was important to me.
I was 20 years old, and had no one, and no idea what I was supposed to do next.
It's been a bit over 10 years since then, and everyday has been impossibly hard. Being cast aside and shunned by everyone close to you changes you in ways you would never imagine.
I was moving through life as best I could until a day ago when I received an actual letter in the mail. It was several pages long and was from my mother and father. The letter was an apology and plea to reconcile. It seems that after 10 years my sister finally confessed that she had lied about everything.
I spent years hoping for this chance, but now that it's here I don't know if it's worth it. The pain, the loss, can it ever truly be reconciled? I don't know what is best, do I accept this chance to get the closure I've always dreamed of? Or do I just keep all of it a ghost of my past and move on.

Hi this is a throw away account just in case anyone I know finds this story, i doubt it. I apologize for the long rant, but this has been waying heavily on my heart and mind for almost a year. I (21F) was dropped and blocked by my one of best friends of over 7 years. Semi relevant information, it is suspected that I have "high functioning" autism; I have always struggled with social cues, conversations, and indirect "rules". I don't have the resources right now to get an official diagnosis and if you're thinking, she must be following a social media fad of being late diagnosed, I honestly don't know myself, it explains a lot about my life when I look back on it, my past therapist agrees with the idea, and so do a lot of people around me, but I worry that I'm not because even though I've struggled differently with living than other people, I still don't have faith in my own self diagnosis but I understand that autism is a spectrum.
Anyway I digress, for the sake of the story I'll call my old friend Ella. Me and Ella met in school after I was paired with her for a school assignment. She was very quiet and to her self and I don't think I would've noticed her much If we hadn't been paired up. I wasn't popular in fact I was the opposite, I was bullied but I still made pretty good friends as I've always prided myself on having real friends and not being friends with just anyone and everyone. We had a friend group that stuck together through the end of school, and after that everyone watched each other from a far but we still supported each other. Ella helped me through a lot, she was never rude about my quirks and we joked so much that a lot of times we were threatened to be separated by teachers. We were always giggly and happy, we invited each other to our birthdays, special life events, and more. When I went through my depression, she was right there always caring for me and giving me encouraging words. I don't think I can describe just how much we went through and how much she meant to me.
The most I could say is she was like a sister to me to the point where my parents referred to her as their child too, not that she didn't have her own family. She even surprised me by applying and getting the same job I had, I didn't know until I saw my manager showing her how to clock in and I tackled and hugged her. She was a constant in my life and the first person I told about everything, sad, happy, weird, whatever. I tried to be the same for her but she wasn't a big sharer. I don't mean that I didn't listen, but that she didn't share a lot. Just surface things. No one knew all of what she went through, her family, her other friends, or even the few boyfriends she had. Whenever she needed something, I was ready to drop everything for her. If she needed to rant, I stopped everything and answered her calls. When I could finally drive, I planned a whole bunch of stuff for us to do and have fun.
Now to the main point, as I said she didn't share much about her life. We didn't have many boundaries for our friendship, normal things like don't date our exes, call each other out for stupid stuff, etc. The first time I fucked up was when she was at my house, and her mother came to pick her up. While she was getting ready, I was talking to her mom, we were talking about our futures and college and I ended up telling her mom that she said she was going to college for the arts. I didn't know that she didn't talk to her mom about stuff like this, apparently her mom wanted her to pursue traditional career paths, like a lawyer, doctor, etc. Her mom showed no sign that she was disappointed or angry, just a little shocked, but it didn't click for me. Ella told me afterwards not to talk to her mom about those things because she doesn't talk to her mom about that stuff. Her mom isn't abusive or anything, she just has high expectations and Ella doesn't like to have conversations about her life with certain people, so she preferred to keep that between our friends. I of course apologized and noted it so that going forward I avoided those topics with her mom.
The second incident was when I talked to her older sister about a year or two after the first incident, I'll call her Ava. Me and Ava weren't as close but considering I was over Ella's place a lot, we were still friendly. We ran into each other at the store and got to talking. She asked me how life was going and at the time my only goal was to move out of my parents place, as I wanted more space. But due to my quirks, I didn't want to move with anyone but Ella, as she was the only person I could think of that wasn't loud, wasn't a party person, and wouldn't trigger my meltdowns. She was clean, organized and I felt she would've been perfect to move in with. And considering the economy, it's not realistic to move in by yourself anywhere. Ella had been considering it but when she got a boyfriend, who no one knew anything about, she decided she was going to move in with him. I told Ava about how I wanted to move in with Ella but she was going to move in with her boyfriend, I thought at least her family would've known her boyfriend, but apparently they didn't. I also expressed that I was sad about being passed over for someone no one knew and that I didn't think it was good idea because I don't believe in moving in with someone you've only known for a couple of months, but I also expressed that it's Ella's life and she has no obligation to me and to follow what I say. The most I could do was be supportive for her. I do acknowledge that it wasn't my place to express my opinion about her decisions and what she did, but it had affected me as I had to rewrite my plan of moving as we had already made a budget plan, talked about several apartment complexes and how we were going to split the bills and even decorate. When Ava went home, she told her mom, and they both grilled Ella about it. Ella got angry and fussed at me not to talk to her sister about her life or decisions. I apologized because I thought she only didn't talk to her mom, I know friends who talk to their siblings but not their parents and I thought this was the general thing. For me, I tend to think that one "rule" applies to others unless I'm told otherwise. I don't know other family dynamics, so if and when my friends would tell me theirs, it kind of expanded my own personal references. But I didn't know Ella's, and I thought was just no parents, but no now I knew, no siblings too.
The third and final strike was last year, about a month before my 21st birthday. I ran into Ava again. I remembered my previous conversation with Ella and tried to restrict my conversation, my boyfriend was even there to make sure I didn't go over board or overshare, as I tend to do. She asked how i was doing of course and talked about how she hadn't seen me in while. That was because Ella had been ditching me for a new boyfriend. For about 6 months, I had been planning days out with her. Setting aside specific days and times, planning ahead and saving money so I could spend money on her. I wanted to take her to several new restaurants I had been to, stores, activities like mini golfing, or arcades, or even seeing movies. But each time she had been ghosting me until hours after were supposed to meet and letting me know that she was unavailable because she was with her boyfriend. He lived in the state over and was driving to see her and bring her back with him and they'd be hanging out. This wasn't one or two times, it was about once to two times a month. Ella was a late texter, everyone knew this. So the last time I had tried to hang out with her, I planned something a month a head, as usually I did a week or two ahead. If I texted her on Monday, she'd respond by Wednesday or Thursday. She didn't respond to calls or if she did, she answered just to let me know she was too busy to talk and she'd text me.
This time, I planned the month ahead, texted her once a week to check that she was still down to hang, and even told her the plan. I would pick her up from work or her house, she had to let me know, then we would go eat as I figured she'd be hungry after work, then we'd go do some fun activities and I could return her home. She confirmed every week that she was still down. The day of, I texted and called her so I could know if she wanted me to pick her up from work or home, she didn't respond until almost 2 hours after she was supposed to be off work telling me she was with her boyfriend, in the state over. I cried because I was trying so hard. I let her know if she needs time and space from me that's ok, just let me know rather than ditching me and I was hurt by how much effort I was trying to put into still hanging out and it was being thrown out the window. She apologized and told me she was just busy with life and I told her just let me know when she wants to hang out rather than me reaching out, so it'd be on her terms.
I didn't tell Ava all of this, just surface stuff, like I had been planning days out and she wasn't responding or she was ghosting me. I even said that I understand that she wants to have a stable relationship, and hang out with her boyfriend, and I'm happy for her. I was just concerned because no one knows this guy, and if something ever happens I'm here for her and I just worry that he's taking her a state away, somewhere she doesn't' know. But she's grown now, and she can make her own choices, I'm not her mom, her sister or even her guardian, she's my friend and all I can do is be here if she ever needs. THAT's ALL I SAID. Then I proceeded to TMI her about my own life. I even checked in with my bf after the conversation because I was worried that I had overshared and he acknowledged, I only referenced how things affected me. Not what she was doing in deep detail and only her life. Also to note, Ava suggested that she talk to her sister about ditching me, but I told her not to as I thought it was unnecessary, we're living our own lives and she didn't have responsibility to me, I just would've preferred her letting me know that she was going to hang with her boyfriend.
Ava still went home and talked to her, I don't know what she said but Ella was furious and sent me a rant saying that I keep talking shit about her behind her back, and if I continue like this she doesn't know how we could stay friends. She said that I have no business talking about her and she doesn't need anyone looking out for her as she can handle her own. I know it may seem like I'm leaving out stuff but I honestly didn't know where this came from. I don't talk about her to anyone but my family, and it's mostly about how I miss her. I don't even talk about her to our friends. I had only seen and talked to her sister twice. It seemed completely out of left field for her to assume that I was talking shit. I showed the message to my boyfriend, my mom and even my other best friend to double check if I was missing something. I was told over and over that I was in the right. I applied her boundaries and what she told me and If I told Ava what Ella did and how it affected me, and by avoiding detail of Ella's life, I was respecting the boundaries set for me. Yes the two strikes were fair ground as I didn't know her family dynamics, but the third strike she completely changed. She blocked me from everything.
I fell into depression and stopped going out, I wasn't eating, I was crying everyday, racking my brain and replaying the conversation. I kept cursing myself out for being so dense, for my "autism", for being too much and being too clingy. I kept listing everything wrong with me, I considered trying to find therapy again but I couldn't find anyone. I canceled my birthday because I didn't want to celebrate it without her. I was rereading the text messages and tried to figure out where I went wrong. I thought maybe she was sick of me, that I was too clingy, I tried to space out hang outs so I wasn't always over her shoulder. Anyone who knew the situation tried to reassure me as they know me as one of the people they can trust, that I don't talk shit about people behind their backs, I'm very blunt and truthful, If I don't like someone I don't go out of my way to see them, hang around them or even talk to them. They say I'm selfless and even give myself a little too much to everyone. But it's been almost a year and my heart still hurts. I wanted to be able to talk to her to get closure and understanding. To understand where this new perspective of me came from, to talk about what happened as I'm not sure what her sister said, if anyone else said anything, to understand her perspective on stuff.
I've spent the past year trying to catch myself with oversharing and overtalking. I am hyperverbal and I've asked those closest to me to help steer me in conversations. To give me notes on conversations and let me know if I overstepped with opinions or advice, because I've learned that neurotypical people don't always want advice and opinions, some people just want someone to listen. But she still shows up in my dreams and when I think of her I tear up, she was like my sister. My dad still asks about her and I had to tell him to stop bringing her up. I just hope that maybe one day I run into her and she'd be willing to talk. Maybe one day she'd be willing to unblock me and talk to me.
I just wanted to get this off my chest, I doubt anyone read this far down. Hopefully no one I know finds this, I just needed to rant as reddit is cheaper than therapy. TLDR; I told my best friends family about her life choices and she cut me off.