I’d like to begin this invitation of advice or experiences by stating that what I want in life is a partner who feels like home, will always give me their genuine effort, & will love me through all of the highs, mediums, & lows of life.
I specifically want to know about any advice or things I should consider when it comes to the age gap I have with the man I’m seriously considering making a staple & serious part of my life. I (29f) met Chance (40m) 3 years ago & we have been seeing each other for a little over a year. We met at the middle school in which we both work- he’s the social worker, I’m the art teacher. When I first saw him, he looked like a meat head (he’s pretty muscular, bald, beard, wears hoodies) & I’ve always been into nerds so it never occurred to me that I’d end up attracted to him. The first year we knew each other, it was very surface level, & then, during the second year of my time at the school, I got to know him better, as I did a few coworkers I now consider close friends. This second year of friendship was also a tough period for me as I was going through a divorce from a 5 year relationship with a man who wasn’t on the same life path as me & kind of made me dislike myself just for being me (wanting kids, needing to be intrinsically motivated in my career rather than financially motivated)- basically he was type A & I am B. Anyhow, as I was processing my divorce & creating friendships, I got to know Chance better both at work & at hang outs with friends outside of work. I watched how the kids at school just flocked to him & how kind he was with everybody. He coached the basketball team, did an after school program with the SRO to help at risk kids, & often stepped in to help others with tasks that weren’t related to his job as social worker. & he always did it with a positive attitude & good sense of humor. People just LIKE him, you know? It became obvious that he was just a really good person. One day, we had a discussion about kids & how we both wanted them. He told me I’d be a great mother because of how I treat the students & I told him he’d also be a wonderful parent. & he cast his spell on me & I slowly started falling for him. I couldn’t quite figure it out. Here I was, recently divorced from a relationship that had a tremendous affect on me mentally/emotionally, & I was gaining feelings for a man who was very different from my ex, & 11 years older than me. Was I just looking for a distraction? Was I using him to boost my confidence up after it had spent so much time at all time low? Or was I simply recognizing that this man had all of the features that I’d been missing in my past relationship & maybe I should pay attention to that? I was worried that my judgement post- divorce couldn’t possibly be clear, so I expressed that I had feelings for him but had to take things very slow. I was a bit of a mess as I tried to take the initial steps to get closer to him. I’d get emotional & have somewhat of a panic attack, or I’d go through some wishy washy phases when it came to wanting to see him in general. No matter what it was, he said that he understood, he wasn’t going anywhere, & that he just wanted me to be ok. He’d always ask what he could do to help & what I needed from him to feel better. If we were kissing & he felt that I wasn’t comfortable, he’d stop. One time he could tell that I wasn’t feeling great & he cried because he thought he’d made me feel bad. Needless to say, he was always there for me & ACTUALLY cared about how I felt. As we got closer, he was always respectful, would leave me flowers on random or special occasions (like when I was in an art show that he attended, or the first day of a new semester at work), wanted to make things like holidays memorable for me (one time I specifically thought was sweet was when he decorated my place with a Christmas tree & lights because “it’s your first Christmas in your new apartment, it should be festive!”). I consistently got solid evidence that he was emotionally mature, ready for a relationship, & wanted the same things as me.
So, I thought, “why is this sweet, courteous, kind, responsible, funny man single?” I’d heard some woman at work “pick” at him about this & say “I just don’t get how you’re single!” & I honestly wondered myself. You always heard that it’s a ref flag if a man dates a woman over 10 years younger & that it’s because “women his age didn’t want him”. Well, there are a few rational explanations I could think of: 1. He’d been sexually abused by his stepsister for years as a child. He’d told me that he’d had a few relationships during his 20s & 30s, but they didn’t last long & he’d had some issues with women not dealing with his anxiety around sex well. With me, this was not an issue, really. We’d taken the physical really slow, & when one of us felt anxiety as things heated up, the other stopped & supported. After a few months, it became a non-issue & we were able to have great sex with no fear that one of us would get anxious. 2. When he was younger (childhood-20s) he was overweight. He began balding in his 20s & so he shaved his head. Maybe there weren’t a lot of women who wanted to be with the overweight, bald guy? Women can be just as shallow as men.
So, I began to try to look for any signs that maybe this man is “grooming” me or something. I looked for issues as well as green lights. How’s his family? His brother is happily married with children & Chance is close with his family, seeing them weekly. What are his friends like? I enjoy his friends. They’re nice, fun people & his best friends are in happy marriages. Does he manipulate you? No, he treats me like a princess (I’m not used to it) & tries to establish healthy relationship patterns (he always insists on a weekly date night, suggests activities together, such as me weight lifting with him & him running with me). He also hypes me up like no other- If I’m wearing a risky outfit that I love but know my mom would insult, BAM Chance is the first one to see it & his jaw drops to the floor. Always telling me how strong, sweet, & cool I am. Made me take his gloves when we went on a snowy hike & I’d forgotten mine. Just basically an endless stream of courtesy.
I have gotten a lot of evidence that this is a solid person with whom I could build a beautiful relationship & family with. Everything he’s shown me has been positive as far as communication, morals, empathy, kindness & life plans is concerned.
So… is the 11 year age gap a concern? Should I be more paranoid about why he is still single, or are my theories valid? Although he goes to the gym daily & is like a kid at heart, should I worry about his age when it comes to us potentially raising kids? He’d likely be 43-45 by the time I was ready for that.
If you have any thoughts, please let me know. Truthfully, I do have other potential options if I pursued them & I’m not afraid of being alone, but I’m feeling that I’d like to commit to a relationship.

I still remember time was pretty slow in the 80s and 90s. But in the 21st century, time definitely has wings! Because many men are very busy nowadays, some of them don’t even have time to meet single ladies from Ukraine via online dating, even though they really want to. Therefore, if you are wondering how you can find time to meet women, this article is for you!
It’s time to break up with busyness. To help you find solutions to busyness, I have a list of ideas for you to consider.

1. De-scheduling: This is a way to edit your time and manage your week. De-scheduling your calendar opens space to expand your well-being and happiness rather than extending the timeline of your busy day. Now please have a look at your calendar and ask yourself, “Which activities bring me results and which activities don’t bring me results?” Then you can cancel low-leverage activities.
2. Join an international dating website: This technique is just like making passive income if I can use a business analogy. That means when you become a member of an international dating site that introduces single international women to you, the website will automatically send suitable candidates to you. This works even more if they offer online dating.
3. Hire an international dating agency that offers international trips that include flight, accommodation, translators, and so on, so that you don’t need to spend your time organising your trip by yourself when you want to visit your lady.

Online dating will change your love life. Why don’t you take the first step today?!

Ive been looking for a character sheet that will do everything that i want and i think this is as close as im going to get. ive downloaded the sheet and a couple of issues that have come up that im not sure how to work around and was wondering how others would handle it.
First issue is that my current character has 3 classes but 4 different types of hit dice and the sheet only has spots for 3.
Second issue is that i have the vampire transformation from the campaign book and i dont have the faintest idea on how i might implement the extra abilities. the closest thing i can come up with is to make them into feats but as far as i can tell even with the overflow shee you can only have 9 which wouldn't be enough for all of the abilities unlocked by the transformation. ive looked online for what other people have added but the only thing ive seen for the spells, feats, and subclasses but not for the transformations.
Any help would be very much appreciated.

Caught wife of 7 years (good friends/dating for 20). Two kids, purchased first home 4 months prior. Had the guy around my 3 year old and in the house before I knew he existed. I woke up next day and said she should leave. I would never trust her again, never stop wondering who's texting her, and that is not who i was or want to be. Thought it's better for everyone and she didn't seem entirely disappointed or fight too hard to work it out.
I suddenly had two kids 7 days a week (as she moved in with him and his parents and had no where steady for them) and a new house with 60% the income.
After stressfully losing 30 lbs in a month, I finally got my self together and around 3 or 4 months post break-up (at the urging of friend and brother) got on bumble (been with ex so long I had never dated online much).
The first girl to message me, day 1 of having the app, and we havenow been dating a year. At first I tried to stay objective and not be interested in the first person to show interest after such a volatile breakup. I can honestly say I'm as happy as I've ever been in a relationship and everyone in my life, children included love her and love our relationship. So I know not everyone is going to have the insanely dumb luck I did, but everyone should know that there isn't just one person, a sole soul mate, out there for you. And there may even be someone better
Sorry for the wordiness, but I was creeping on this sub a lot last year trying to find inspiration and sanity and direction. So I hope I can provide any of that in my first post here.

I had a situationship for a couple of months. I'm too old for this shit but it broke me inside out. I feel so empty. Devastated. Betrayed.
I met this guy online. He just came out of a long-term relationship and naiindintihan ko kung hindi pa siya ready magmahal ulit ng buo. Habang ako, never been in a relationship.
First few weeks, sweet na agad siya. About a month passed, he said he loves me. I only said I like him in return though. But I would thank him for making my days feel better. Tell him I appreciate him. He made me feel so special. I felt seen. For the first time, finally.
Am I getting love bombed? Maybe he's just confused? Missing his ex? That's what I assumed.
Weeks passed again, I noticed he was getting distant. I had a hunch but I just shrugged it off. I trust him. I wouldn't jump into conclusions and wait for his explanation. He's probably just busy. I respect his personal time.
He was losing interest. I felt that but tried to deny it.
Hanggang wala nang chats. In another call. Online pero walang reply. I spent nights worrying if he was doing fine.
The once long sweet messages turned into a one-word reply. He went cold. Baka busy lang. Or may problem.
I asked him multiple times if he was okay. If we were okay. And he doesn't want to talk anymore, he could just let me know. He said I was only overthinking things.
I thought about asking if we should end 'us', instead of me waiting for him everyday, wondering what went wrong. Even though I like him a lot. At natutunan ko na siyang mahalin. Slowly.
Then the day finally came where he said it. That we should only stay as friends. Umiwas na lang daw siya because I gave him mixed signals. I couldn't reciprocate his feelings. I failed to give him assurance. He said I only made him feel like a friend. And rejected him too many times. I thought I was clear when I said I like him. Or maybe that wasn't enough.
Yes, I'm at fault, I admit it. Yun nga lang, for me, his love was too early. And we lacked communication. I failed to return his energy.
He's easy to love. He's a nice guy. He's got a warm personality. And I like him a lot. Perhaps I'm just emotionally unavailable. I remember telling him I'm still mentally unstable though.
I also found out that he was already talking to another girl while still talking to me. My hunch was right. I felt betrayed. Still keeping me when there's already someone else.
I was in shock. I can't even eat without vomiting. Pati pagtulog. My body is upset.
I wonder how he felt nung time na hindi ko naiparamdam sa kanya na gusto ko din siya. I already apologized about that.
I feel so empty. Beyond sad.
Though I know we were bound to end due to our different perspectives about love, I was still in shock. All I could do was cry.
I had so many plans for us. I was saving up planning to fly to him and break the distance. Spend time with him even just for a few hours. I was only waiting for summer to end. But it won't happen. Not anymore.
People change. Feelings fade.
He wanted a fast-paced relationship while I wanted a slow-burn.
You see, we view love differently.
To me, love is like fire.
Falling in love too soon would only burn faster, just like how fire instantly turns dried leaves into ashes.
I wanted to take my time to know him deeper. All of his fears and desires. To be able to love him in the right ways he deserved. Sana.
I was still warming up to him during those times he said he loved me. To give him a love that lasts. I wanted to keep the fire burning for the both of us. Sana.
Despite everything, I still like him. I miss him. My baby.
He stirred up a mcflurry in my heart.
And maybe, just maybe, when the universe allows, I'd be able to find someone who shares the same values as I do.
I hope you don't mind the typos. I'm sick and sleep deprived.
And please, if ever, don't post this on other social media. I just want to get this off my chest.
(I know I'm such a fool for gaslighting myself)
EDIT: typos

Hey all, I just wanted some insight of what I should do. About 1 week ago me (27m) and my now ex (28f) broke up. We only dated for a hot minute, 1 month. We were in constant contact daily (she wanted me to keep intouch especially if I was at work). And everyother day we were together in person. We met through work I'm a firefighter, she's in law enforcement. When we were together she'd tell me things that she's said she had either never opened up about. But how easy it was to open up with me. Everything was going great. She liked my no bs about the future. We agreed what both of our intentions were LTR with marriage and kids etc. Like I said, all was going great.
One day she wanted me to meet her best friend (30f). I agreed, we went to the best friends house together. The friend had a kid that kept going around hitting the women (8m) and I stopped him. Basically saying that behavior isn't tolerated and I'm not going to allow it. I then told him to apologize, which he did. All else was going well. By my 3rd drink I said it was going to be my last one. But I seen my gf and her friend opened another bottle of wine so I had another 2 beers. Later in the night my gf told me she wanted to spend the night so she could watch her best friends son soccer game in the am. It's not what I wanted, but thinking all was well I went along with it. We kissed, I left.
After I got home I texted her saying I had a good time and enjoyed her company. I also apologized if she felt like I shouldn't of driven because I drank 2 more beers 5 total in 5 hours than I said I would. She said she had a good time too and enjoyed my company. She ignored the part that I mentioned about alcohol.
Fast forward, next day. I'm at work, she's more cold and distant. It takes her significantly longer to get back to me than normal. And she doesn't want to talk about yesterday. Eventually I get super anxious feeling something is off and message her saying "I know something is bothering you, we've had conversations in the past and both agreed that if this is the case we would hash it out so we don't hold it against one another. So we can either communicate like adults like we've agreed. Or throw in the towel (figure of speech)."
She ended up replying immediately saying that I immediately went to "throwing in the towel " and how I must not care about her or our relationship. So being what I said she wanted to break up, because screw me.
Me regretting my choice of words tried to backtrack saying that's not what I meant. She said I was right something is bothering her from last night but she didn't want to have this conversation with me being that I'm at work. And hoped I would do the same if she was because she has a gun on her hip.
She said she noticed two things yesterday she didn't like. 1. I talked to much about work. 2. Drinking more than I said I would (this bothered her because of her past of getting a dui). She then said because of those two things she didn't want a relationship anymore with me. Because "That's your personality, and I don't want you to change because of me. I want you to change because of you". I said I'd change because I wanted too. She wouldn't listen. She said she was too mad at me to continue our relationship and that we're done.
Later that day I reached out, she agreed to let this go. But was still being cold and distant, less available. Canceling all of our future plans and having excuses.
So, I reached out again telling her how much I like her and how I absolutely adore and & love her (I've said this in the past and she said she feels the exact same way. Just feels too soon to say it back).
She then says she needs space, isn't ready for a relationship, that someone like me hurt her before. That we're on separate paths right now and she doesn't want me anymore. She ended the conversation saying we'll talk about this at a later date. But she wants time to focus on herself.
The next day I noticed she recorded or FaceTimed my snap story and then unfriended me on snap.
We've been on NC for the last week. I genuinely do want her back. I don't know what I should do, or say. Or if I should at all.. It hurts and sucks. Looking for what you all think of this. What I should of done differently. Thank you for your time!
tdlr relationship ended after a poor choice of words

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AdhesivenessMurky204
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: PTSD, mentions of abortion, domestic abuse, verbal abuse, sexual assault, rape
Original Post: April 28, 2024
My husband (28M, who I will call Jack) and I (27F) have been together for 4 years, we have 2 young children and I am pregnant again. I have been pregnant for what feels like most of our relationship. I got pregnant 4 months into our relationship. We got married a month before our daughter’s 1st birthday and ended up with a honeymoon baby. After our son was born, I talked to my OB and she put me on birth control and I have been taking it militantly.
My daughter is now 3 and my son is 2. A little over a month ago I discovered I am pregnant again, despite taking my birth control religiously. Abortion is banned in my state, and the pregnancy was discovered too far along to attempt to obtain one out of state. While Jack and I were nervous, we also love being parents and decided that 3 young kids would be a challenge, but 3 was a good number for us. Then we went in for the first ultrasound and got some unexpected news - it’s twins.
Things have been tough financially, and while we were stressed but excited for a third child, we were not expecting a third and fourth child. Beyond the finances, I am the primary caretaker and I know that twins is going to be a lot, three children under 5 is already a lot, but 4 children under 5 is going to be really really difficult for me. Physically, I am tired of being pregnant. I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding the majority of our relationship. It’s exhausting, it feels awful, and I don’t recognize my body anymore.
Four children is enough. I don’t want more. I told Jack that I was done with pregnancy, I’ve been pregnant enough, I’ve been experimenting with different types of birth control for over a decade and I still can’t stop getting pregnant, abortion isn’t a valid option where we live, we need something more permanent. He agreed, and suggested an IUD, I told him no - if it did fail then it could cause an ectopic pregnancy which could kill me, especially where we live. I’ve had both control fail me multiple times already and I’m not taking the chance, so I suggested a vasectomy. He was not open to the idea, and was even upset that I suggested it and told me I should get my tubes tied. I told him a tubal ligation is a much bigger surgery and I could be recovering for weeks during which time I wouldn’t be able to work or take care of our 4 young children, but he could ice his balls for a day or two and be done with it. He told me that not getting pregnant was ultimately my responsibility, and topped it off by saying “that’s what your body your choice means, YOUR body, so YOU choose.” That’s when it went from a discussion to a full blown fight.
See, when I was 19 I had another birth control failure with my boyfriend at the time (who I will call Tom). I wanted an abortion, Tom did not because he was opposed. I told him I was getting the abortion since it was my body and my choice, and Tom said some horrible things to me, including threatening me. I broke up with him and got the abortion. In response, Tom ended up following me one night and attacking me. I don’t want to go into detail but it was horrible, and he ended up going to prison for a number of charges related to the attack. Not only do I have a number of scars and some long lasting physical effects, but I have PTSD as well.
Jack knows about my history and diagnosis, and has known from the beginning. I have a pretty prominent facial scar so I was upfront about it early on in our dating. Jack always presented himself as very pro-choice, so I was shocked that he would say that. I got really emotional and started crying and shouting, and it turned into a full-blown fight.
Eventually I said that birth control is a two-way street and so far I’ve been the only one managing it and he said “and now we have 2 kids and 2 more coming, great job.” I told him he sounded like Tom and he got super pissed, basically said how dare you compare me to him, and maybe he might want kids one day with someone who doesn’t compare him to her felon ex-boyfriend. I was stunned and horrified. I said “well then let’s not waste any fucking time,”then packed up myself and the kids and drove to my parents place.
It’s been about a week since the fight. I’ve spoken with Jack a few times and he has since apologized and said he was out of line and was speaking from a place of anxiety after finding out about the twins, but also that I said things that were out of line and it was wrong of me to insist he undergo a medical procedure. He said that can move on from the things I said and that he wants to see his children and be a family again. I told him no, that I didn’t want to “move on” from the things he said to me. I can’t just get over that and I think we need space apart. Jack was upset by this and while we talked I brought up getting a separation agreement to manage custody and finances while we figure things out. He did not like this suggestion, said we didn’t need to pull the courts into this.
I haven’t told a lot of people about what’s happening but my family and a couple close friends. My sister and best friend both think I should throw the whole man away, but my brother (who is the only other one married with kids) thinks that I’m being extreme for what sums up to a fight between two scared people who both said nasty things. My mom is trying to be supportive but is occasionally reminding me that I “don’t want to be a single mother of 4” and telling me not to let my PTSD drive my decisions, while my dad is being completely unhelpful (he thinks jokes are helpful - like calling me Doorknob because I “can’t stop getting knocked up”, telling me to let the oven cool down, real knee-slappers). I don’t know what to do. My kids are happy to be at grandma and grandpas house but they miss their daddy, I’m 4 months pregnant and already uncomfortable as hell, I wish I could go back to being a happy little family but I’m so hung up on the things he said in that fight. Am I destroying my family over one bad night? Am I being unreasonable for asking my husband to get a vasectomy?
Edit: I've noticed a lot of people recommending condoms. I have gotten pregnant with condoms twice. Our second child and my first pregnancy were both conceived using condoms properly (correct fit, put on correctly, single use, not expired, no breaks, etc). I do not trust condoms enough to not fail a third time. I know the failure rate is supposedly small, but it's not personally small enough for me. Edit to the edit: I'm sorry, I didn't expect so many comments so fast and I can't keep up with them. By the first pregnancy I mean the pregnancy with Tom. With Jack I was on the patch when I got pregnant with our daughter, condoms with our son, and the pill with the twins. So far I haven't ever suspected that Jack has tampered with our birth control and always presumed that I'm a fertile Myrtle.
I recognize the comments and just want people to know I'm seeing the suggestion. I'm not dismissing it, but the thought of it is deeply upsetting and has provoked a lot of anxiety. I just wanted to make it clear that if the suggestion is only based on the condoms, that the condom pregnancies were with two different partners. While I know I always used condoms properly with Tom, I do believe that Tom could have been fully capable of sabotaging the condoms.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions of NTAs and YTAs
Relevant Comments
deepsleepsheepmeep: NTA. Your husband is though. Your body has already been through A LOT. A tubal ligation is a serious surgery and you are right about being out of commission for a while when recovering. If he is more concerned with an imaginary future wife than he is for you, I don’t think there is much hope for this marriage.
We have 4 close friends who all got vasectomies. None of them bitched about it like your wimp of a husband. We actually had fun vasectomy themed parties for them.
On the off chance he does end up getting a vasectomy, make sure to do the follow up appointments. One of the vasectomy fab 4 did not follow through and ended up with a post-vasectomy baby.

OOP: Thank you, I feel like this is a lot of what has been so upsetting has been that he's thinking about some imaginary future wife when I'm right here, his actual wife, the mother of his children. It's like he's already imagining a future without me.

 
Update: AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?: May 3, 2024
I didn’t expect so many comments and literally couldn’t go through them all. It seemed like the majority of people said I was NTA but I did get a lot of YTAs telling me I was trying to force him to get a medical procedure and telling me to get one instead. Besides already addressing my reasonings why I made my request in the original post (which I want you to read with real "per my last email" energy), I in no way am *forcing* him to have a medical procedure, but I am saying that I do not want to be with a partner who is not willing to be snipped. This is an issue of compatibility. The number of children you want, the methods of birth control you’re willing to use, those are issues of compatibility and a reason relationships end all the time. If he doesn’t want to be sterilized that’s fine, but then that means that we’re not compatible anymore, since it means he wants more children and I don’t. Beyond that there were some YTA comments and some DMs that were just nasty, calling me a murderer and saying my body is a cemetery. Sadly enough, I expected those types of comments, because I know there are a lot of Toms out in the world.
First I wanted to address a couple things that kept coming up, because last post turned into thousands of comments that all said about 5 different things, so to avoid my inbox becoming another echo chamber:

You’re 100% going to have a C-section anyway so just get a tubal while giving birth.

No, I’m not 100% going to have a C-section anyway. Twins are not an automatic C-section. With my birth history there is no reason to presume that a C-section is in my future. My OB agrees, and has discussed the possibility as doctors have to do but also said that based on my past two birth experiences, I'm a "perfect candidate" for vaginal delivery.
I also am not going to mince words: tubal ligations are *less* effective than vasectomies with a *much higher* likelihood of an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy can *kill me*. In fact I got a PM from a woman who is a fellow fertile Myrtle who had an ectopic after a tubal. I am rejecting birth control options that, if they fail, would lead to my likely death. I don’t want to be pregnant again but I also don’t want to die and leave my children motherless, and in no way should anyone assume that traveling to another state to obtain an emergency abortion will continue to be an option in the future - we live in scary times, and Gilead is a real possibility. The comments seemed to have the vibe that people think that ligations are magically more effective than vasectomies and vasectomies are more of a whisper of sterility than an actual sterilization method so for those in the back VASECTOMIES ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN TUBAL LIGATIONS, FULL STOP. So I really need y’all to shut up about it.

Go to another state and obtain an abortion anyway.

I appreciate the personal offers to help I received in DMs deeply, but no. I’m in my 2nd trimester, which I know is still legal in some places, however I am at a point in my pregnancy where I personally as an individual do not feel comfortable obtaining an abortion, considering I would be *even farther* along by the time I could travel (which is not only finances, but logistics as well). I am 16 weeks pregnant now, these babies aren’t just clusters of cells to me anymore, and I’m not going to expand on that since it’s not up for debate.

Why not adoption?

With love and respect to everyone who has gone through adoption in all its aspects, adoption is absolutely not for me. This is a thought process I already went through 8 years ago, and now that I’m a mother and not a scared teenager I know it’s even less for me. I personally could not go through with it and come out the other side intact. Going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me.

Leave him and give him full custody of the twins

No. Because going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me. Jesus, some of y’all.

Just have a sexless marriage.

No. I love banging my husband, obviously lol. I don't want to be in a sexless marriage and anyone who has been to an abstinence-only high school knows that abstinence is not the way lol. There were a lot of comments assuming I would be perfectly fine withholding sex from my husband and having na dead bedroom, and I wouldn't. I have a sex drive. I'm going to want to bang my husband. Wanting to have sex with your spouse is *normal*.

What you would do about birth control if you divorced and dated in the future?

I’m not thinking of dating anyone else right now, because I’m thinking more about saving my actual marriage instead of an imaginary relationship. And if theoretically I did, I would probably seek out a partner who was snipped or was ready to be to be honestly, or a woman. I’m bisexual so there’s a very good chance that my future partner wouldn’t have the right parts to knock me up anyway lol.

Jack is sabotaging your birth control

I clarified my methods in the original post (as per my last email), but I did want to address this because it came up a LOT. I don’t have reason to believe that Jack sabotaged my birth control. A number of other fertile Myrtles showed up and brought up they or their family members repeated pregnancies in the face of birth control, including tubals. Accusing my husband of reproductive coercion for no reason other than I keep getting pregnant is a big leap and a weighty accusation. I am not the only fertile Myrtle out there, there's a reason there's a whole term for it.

Your husband is a narcissist, abuser, psychopath, and he does no childcare

My husband and I historically have a really healthy and loving relationship outside of this fight. In fact, this fight is the first time we’ve really had a fight, we’ve only ever had little arguments that we’ve been able to talk through. He’s an active father, the reason that I do the majority of childcare is due to circumstance between maternity leaves, our job schedules and the fact that I breastfed my babies. Someone also presumed I’m the breadwinner, which isn’t quite true. Jack makes more than me, but we do not have deeply significant differences in our incomes. When he is home he does his fair share of cleaning and cooking (arguably more than me at times), and parenting. That being said, the things he said in the heat of the moment were deeply concerning, and we’re addressing that together.
So to get down to the nitty gritty of the real update: since the last time I posted, Jack and I have sat down together and had a real come to Jesus talk. I’m not going to go through the whole breakdown, but it basically boiled down to this: it’s the vasectomy, but it’s more than the vasectomy. It was wrong of me to compare him to Tom but it was wronger of him to weaponize my trauma against me in a very malicious way. The way he intentionally used the same language my abuser used in an effort to hurt me was not acceptable and damaged the trust between us. He agreed it was not acceptable and said that in the aftermath he was horrified and ashamed his own words, and that he (as an explanation and not an excuse) kind of snapped under the stress. Oh and what he said about his “next wife” was not an indication of him not being committed to me but was because he felt hurt and wanted to hurt me back. He has apologized numerous times and seems to feel genuinely bad about it.
As for the separation, I am still going forward with it. I need space and time and I need to take that before the babies come. I am still staying with my parents who, for the record, are not sick of me or the kids. We’re a tight knit family, I only moved out when I moved in with Jack, and my sister moved out about a year ago so they have been empty nesting, and my mom doesn’t like that we live “too far” (an hour) away. What I have realized with space and time is how deeply triggering it was, in a way that I cannot explain to those without PTSD from DV, those who know will know. It’s deeply unsettled me and I’m having a hard time “getting over it” so to speak. There is now a lot of fear of my husband that was never there before and it’s going to take a lot to repair that trust and sense of safety. I cannot make a decision while I’m in this space, and I am addressing this with my personal therapist. Overall, I told him that if he wanted to stay married to me I needed two things from him: marriage counseling and a vasectomy, and even then I still cannot guarantee him anything. He understands, but I do not know what will happen with the vasectomy right now, we focused more on talking about the fight, but he is very aware that it's now a dealbreaker. And we have a marriage counseling appointment set up for next week. I'm hoping that counseling will bring some clarity to the situation, and in the mean time for the next couple months I'm focusing on giving my kids lots of cuddles and preparing myself for two new babies to come into my world, with or without Jack.
Additional information from OOP on her relationships

OOP: I've been through a trial to convict my ex-boyfriend of trying to kill me because of an abortion in a deep red, deeply religious area. I've definitely heard worse things, and I typically have pretty thick skin. That being said, I am pregnant and pretty emotional, so it's not the best experience. That being said, I do appreciate the level-headed comments when I see them through the sea of comments kind of saying the same stuff over and over. I'm not reading a lot of them if what I can see in the comment notification starts off nasty, so a lot of it is just inbox white noise. My favorites are the ones that start off with "I'm not going to read that BUT..." and I just think lol same. Like you don't want to read my post but expect me to read your comment that was made without even reading the situation? lol nope. And there are a lot of people conflating "providing someone with a hard choice" with "forcing someone into a medical procedure" and it just makes wading through for the actually helpful comments more tiring. Thank you though, I very much appreciate the kindness. Sorry, I've gotten so much of the same nonsense I guess I needed a little vent lol.

OOP on wanting her husband to make a decision and be on the same page

OOP: I want to be honest with him about where I am emotionally because I want him to make an informed decision. While the vasectomy is a deal breaker, it's really my secondary concern. My primary concern is the way he acted during the fight and his intention exploitation of my trauma because he was mad and scared. I think that telling him "get the snip to stay with me" and then deciding to leave anyway because there are deeper issues and/or I don't feel safe anymore would be cruel. He deserves to have the full picture before he makes a choice, doesn't he?
If he doesn't want the vasectomy, that's his choice. It's not what I want, but it is what it is. If he wants to call it quits at 4 kids, then it is what it is and if he secretly wants to be the next Nick Cannon then it is what it is he should be free to do that. That is part of why I don't know where he is on the vasectomy right now and we didn't really discuss it much when we talked, I'm focusing on discussing the bigger issue for me which is trust and safety within the relationship. The only way for him to make an informed decision about whether or not he get a vasectomy is for him to have all the information about the situation. If that makes him want a vasectomy less, then it is what it is. It's not about making him want to have a vasectomy. It's about being on the same page.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Hey all, I just wanted some insight of what I should do. About 1 week ago me (27m) and my now ex (28f) broke up. We only dated for a hot minute, 1 month. We were in constant contact daily (she wanted me to keep intouch especially if I was at work). And everyother day we were together in person. We met through work I'm a firefighter, she's in law enforcement. When we were together she'd tell me things that she's said she had either never opened up about. But how easy it was to open up with me. Everything was going great. She liked my no bs about the future. We agreed what both of our intentions were LTR with marriage and kids etc. Like I said, all was going great.
One day she wanted me to meet her best friend (30f). I agreed, we went to the best friends house together. The friend had a kid that kept going around hitting the women (8m) and I stopped him. Basically saying that behavior isn't tolerated and I'm not going to allow it. I then told him to apologize, which he did. All else was going well. By my 3rd drink I said it was going to be my last one. But I seen my gf and her friend opened another bottle of wine so I had another 2 beers. Later in the night my gf told me she wanted to spend the night so she could watch her best friends son soccer game in the am. It's not what I wanted, but thinking all was well I went along with it. We kissed, I left.
After I got home I texted her saying I had a good time and enjoyed her company. I also apologized if she felt like I shouldn't of driven because I drank 2 more beers 5 total in 5 hours than I said I would. She said she had a good time too and enjoyed my company. She ignored the part that I mentioned about alcohol.
Fast forward, next day. I'm at work, she's more cold and distant. It takes her significantly longer to get back to me than normal. And she doesn't want to talk about yesterday. Eventually I get super anxious feeling something is off and message her saying "I know something is bothering you, we've had conversations in the past and both agreed that if this is the case we would hash it out so we don't hold it against one another. So we can either communicate like adults like we've agreed. Or throw in the towel (figure of speech)."
She ended up replying immediately saying that I immediately went to "throwing in the towel " and how I must not care about her or our relationship. So being what I said she wanted to break up, because screw me.
Me regretting my choice of words tried to backtrack saying that's not what I meant. She said I was right something is bothering her from last night but she didn't want to have this conversation with me being that I'm at work. And hoped I would do the same if she was because she has a gun on her hip.
She said she noticed two things yesterday she didn't like. 1. I talked to much about work. 2. Drinking more than I said I would (this bothered her because of her past of getting a dui). She then said because of those two things she didn't want a relationship anymore with me. Because "That's your personality, and I don't want you to change because of me. I want you to change because of you". I said I'd change because I wanted too. She wouldn't listen. She said she was too mad at me to continue our relationship and that we're done.
Later that day I reached out, she agreed to let this go. But was still being cold and distant, less available. Canceling all of our future plans and having excuses.
So, I reached out again telling her how much I like her and how I absolutely adore and & love her (I've said this in the past and she said she feels the exact same way. Just feels too soon to say it back).
She then says she needs space, isn't ready for a relationship, that someone like me hurt her before. That we're on separate paths right now and she doesn't want me anymore. She ended the conversation saying we'll talk about this at a later date. But she wants time to focus on herself.
The next day I noticed she recorded or FaceTimed my snap story and then unfriended me on snap.
We've been on NC for the last week. I genuinely do want her back. I don't know what I should do, or say. Or if I should at all.. It hurts and sucks. Looking for what you all think of this. What I should of done differently. Thank you for your time!

Recently got back into this old fav and was doing quests I didn't do or even know about last time I played it years ago. I forgot how funny and weird these old Fallouts get when you do quests in an out of order or janky way.
I destroyed the Raiders' base, brought the Bishop ledger to Lynette, she tells me to get dirt on Bishop, and while I'm leaving vault city I talk to the annoying NCR preacher guy and get his briefcase, agree to deliver it safely to Bishop.
I head over there, give the case to Bishop, he's like "hey btw I've got a job, you interested?" I'm like, "not really, ta ta for now," but he says he knows it was me and my super mutant friend who fucked up the raiders and that I owe him or he'll kill me right there. I'm like "ugh fine I'll kill Westin for you, but first let me scootch on past you and see what's in this safe here and ohhhh no it's a bomb," I kill the guards that aggro on me but still manage to get the disk, fight my way out of the casino killing all the guards but not John Bishop (the daughter attacked and was killed but not his wife, she was too busy being sad and posting to relationshipadvice probably)
I leave the screen and come back to loot all the dead guards, go back upstairs out of curiosity and it's just a few guards out of aggro range and Mrs. Bishop in her room. We start chatting and she bitches about her marriage and we have an awkward fuck in the room next to Bishop. I leave and Bishops like "Hey BTW are you interested in that Westin job," I'm like "uhhhh sure, kill him quietly you said? I already agreed to this, later cuck"
I return to vault city, then Westin, then vault city again, I'm captain of the guard now, everyone's happy. But I'm still curious what Westin thinks of Bishops plan to kill him so I head back and am given this ultimatum cause there was no dialogue option to be like "hey so that guy wanted me to kill you btw but I'm not gonna, just thought you should know." I guess since there was no price agreed on the first time the game registered the ransom reward as $0. $0+50% is still zero, old man! So either I go kill Bishop now or Westin's goons will try to kill me. Guess I will go kill Bishop for my priceless reward, hopefully it doesn't break the gamesave in some weird way

TL;DR- How do I break it to clingy, super dependent, mentally abusive long-term partner that I don't want to get back together, and get the last of my stuff back from him while living on another continent?
My husband and I met online and have been together for 10 years. In hindsight the first red flag was the age gap/potential grooming, the second was probably how he wanted to bond over mutual mental illnes diagnoses right away. He's always been very clingy and dependant on me to 'talk him through his episodes' and essentially be his manic pixie dreamgirl to help fix him. He thought it was romantic that I'd stay up late talking him out of suicide, whereas I found it traumatizing and exhausting, especially when I had school or work the next day, but I thought that was part of being a supportive partner.
As time went on and the relationship grew, he wanted to spend all his time with me and his friends reached out less and less to the point that I was eventually the only person who talked to him, which he happily reminded me of whenever he felt I wasn't making enough time for him (read: all of my free time) and would guilt me with 'at least I got to talk to other people at work'. It became an unspoken expectation that unless I was at work, showering, or asleep I should be next to him keeping him company or else he'd feel rejected.
Eventually he complained I was sleeping too much as well, '10 hours is really excessive and unhealthy, I found this article that says 7 hours should be plenty for women in your agegroup. You should start setting an alarm so you don't oversleep.' Even though he would regularly wake me up at 4am to make him food because 'yeahh, but it tastes so much better when [I] do it', regardless if I had to be at work for 8 sharp. He'd even get angry with me for nodding off on the couch before midnight because 'clearly [I] just don't want to be around him so much [I'd] rather be asleep!'
He also saw nothing wrong with waking me up after a few hours of sleep to have important discussions about 'where we stand in our relationship', or just to keep him company. If I was irritated or wanted to save the conversation for morning/after work then I was being 'so cold to him when he just wanted to spend time with me' or 'I clearly don't care about our relationship anymore.'
5 years into living together, 3 of them married, I had several breakdowns and moved back in with my mom in my home country. Unfortunately after I got to my moms I chose to call him to tell him I was done and we were over, and he used the opportunity to play every manipulation tactic in the playbook. The same guy who, just days earlier, told me to 'stop with the crocodile tears, you'll get no sympathy from me' was now hysterically sobbing, begging me for another chance.
He claimed had no idea he made me feel so horribly, he was so sorry, he just wanted one more chance to have his wife back, didn't he deserve that much? I was his only family! How cruel could I be to leave without telling him what he did wrong and not let him redeem himself?? He swore he'd never raise his voice to me again, was 3 bad years really all it took to erase the 7 amazing previous years??' And of course you already know he heavily implied not being able to live without me 🙄
Sadly, because he knows what buttons to push, he got me to 'agree' not to end things, but to "take this separation period to work on us" while I saved up for a visa to come back to him so he could have his second chance. But 'thankfully', because he asks me to send him money for groceries and occasional utilities since he's on a fixed income and I halved the household income when I "abandoned him", (my countrys currency is also roughly half the value of his- on a good day) I haven't been able to save a penny so far and have had the last eight months to realise I don't actually want this.
I don't think I'm obligated to make myself get over hearing the love of my life call me vile names, like a "worthless stupid c*nt who wastes the air she breathes" for forgetting to get his cigarettes from the store, just because he realises his actions have consequences. He should know not to speak like that to someone he's supposed to care about. I don't think me no longer feeling comfortable around him or looking forward to talking to him anymore is a punishment against him, or something to 'work on' so much as a natural reaction; I wouldn't expect warmth from someone who threatened to knock me out for being annoying, and its not petty to extend the same attitude toward him for the same threat.
So now with that discovery realised, and the some background context laid out, here's the crux of my problem-
How do I inform him that, although he has spent the last 8 months believing I've forgiven him, had mostly gotten over my 'issues' from our fallout, and was still planning to save up for this visa to 'come home'; I have no desire to do any of that anymore, and actually plan to file for divorce in the next 5 months instead.
---preferrably without him doing a complete 180 and become an manipulative dickhead who sends me dozens of snapchats a day of him crying so hard he gags (again..), and convince me to send me the last box of my stuff that I wasn't able to grab as I left. Unfortunately its all sentimental items from deceased relatives or I truly wouldn't bother, I'm happy and willing to pay the cost of him shipping it to me of course.
When I originally told him I wasn't coming back and requested he send me my things he refused and claimed he "couldn't bear" to walk around the house and box up "precious reminders of me" and made himself sick hyperventilating on the phone. I just want my stuff so I can go no contact 😅.

Hi I just wanna share my LDR story cuz I can't really judge clearly right now without being biased. I'm already attached to him given na naka abot na kami ng 4years and my mind seems to justify him. We broke up last May 5 lang.
Anyways, I'm 23F, filipino and he's 23M, indian.
Ps. Medyo mahaba hahaha
So, we met on a MMORPG last summer of 2020. We started talking on DC and I usually don't get interested to ppl I met online but his attack was kinda different. He asked about my GPA and I was like wow concern sa grado baka matino. Ganern. Online classes are still on going that time so we usually talk more at night. And it wasn't just some small talks but quality talks. About life ganern, interests and views on different things. We don't usually agree but we both talk so deeply about it kaya nagkasundo.
Fast forward, ako talaga ang unang naattached. And I already know that time (which was only months after we first talked) na wala kaming patutunguhan. He wasn't that attached to the point of considering me on his future. But still, I didn't mind. Wala pa din naman akong plano sumabak sa relationship irl. NBSB pero may mga manliligaw. So ayun, nagpatuloy sa kalandian habang nanonotice ko na na medyo may katotohanan na sa mga "I love you" nya. We've been so wholesome na rin. Been into different kind of games like Dragon Raja, 8ball, COC, at halos lahat na yata ng games sa play store na subukan na. Hindi naman ako gamer tbh ML lang talaga yung game na nilalaro ko tyaka yung MMORPG na yun. But anyways to make the story short, sa 4 years na yun marami na ring away. Let's say every year may pinag aawayan talaga. He was talking to girls on DC even tho it wasn't that malicious but still. We started there too😆 iyan yung issue sa let's say 2-3 yrs ig. Pero di naman sobrang dami mga like 2 months lng out of 12. Then last year, he greeted his ex of 2yrs a happy birthday. Tbh nung unang year wala lang sa akin. On our 2nd year when I found out, I told him to stop cuz I didn't like it. Last year was kinda diff cuz he greeted her a belated birthday mga atiiih. Belated hahahaha the care to greet even though it was alrdy late di ba. So nag away ulit. Ilang beses na rin sya nag ask ng chances sa 4yrs na Yan. Like super sincere to the point na hindi ka niya tatantanan ng message mapa DC, tele, WhatsApp or insta. Ilang beses na rin sya umiyak dahil sa situation namin like sa LDR, to say sorry, dahil sa different beliefs and all. I told him that we should wait until 26 to decide if pwede na iuwi sa kasalan hahaha ganun kalala ang love and patience ko mga bhiee. He agreed too cuz by that time, we will be mature enough to decide considering na di pa sya secured sa job that time. And to conclude kasi napahaba na, for me, our love was real and very wholesome I might not show it through this forum but yeah, it was. But the thing is, last 1st week of May I kinda tested him saying that, "this is probably the lowest point of my life" cuz currently we're having some financial problem cuz of hospitalization and he knew it. But guess what, he ignored that msg. I told him goodnight right after kasi mukhang Wala talaga syang plano mag reply and guess what, he replied. "Sorry Im kinda busy, you can sleep tho" okay I understand. Busy sya. But girl diba? Am I wrong tho? Did I just assume stuffs? Pero I decided to end it right after. I deleted my msged abt that lowest point shi and he innocently asked if I want to explain why I was breaking up with him. And I told him no need. Cuz bakit pa? I've had my answer. And si kuya sabi niya, I kinda know why and it's rlly hard that I can't do anything about it. Pero why not console me? Pero mali ba ako? I need your wisdom masyado nang biased utak ko. So ayun wala na talaga. Kala ko mabilis lang mag move on since online lang pero iba rin talaga pag naattached na haha. Was I wrong tho or did I saved myself. Anyways, graduation na nxt year so focus nlang muna sa studies ngayon.

I (26M) caught my girlfriend (23F) in a web-of-lies.
I'm extremely devasted and my mind is clouded as I write this, but I have caught my girlfriend (23F), with which we have been dating for 6 years in a web-of-lies 3 Times in our dating period.
She has left me in my lowest point.
In the beginning of our releationship I caught her deleting a messages on her Iphone. I then confronted her and she told me that she deleted those messages because I would get the wrong impression of them and would end the releationship. She told me that she was scared to lose me, as I'm jealous of other males, which in fact is true, but I think my feelings were right all along.
I forgot the content of the message.
I let it slide, since we were in the beginning of our releationship (Maybe 1-2 years into it) and I also wasn't faithful at that time. I have even shared this with her at some points of the releationship, as I'm honest. The thing is that she said that she loves me so much that she would never do such a thing to me.
Slowly - I let my guard down, as she was with me during very hard moments in my life, where she could have easily left. As I let my guard down - I started adoring her and the thought of other girls started to dissappear.
She was extremely sweet, innocent and loving. No matter what I did - she was always there for me to support me and was always on my side.
I started focusing more on work, we were seeing each other everyday and everything was flourishing, but I never stopped being envious when she came with me at a disco/bar with friends or where there were other males.
I always felt as she had an eye out for some of them and always felt like I didn't satisfy her completely, as she had previously made remarks about our sexual encounters, which were above regular.
I slowly started to trust her more, as she continiously gained my trust by her action. Meanwhile I was 100% focused on my businesses and success.
She was working in a kid's playground and selling cakes. I was always there and supporting her.
As my success progressed - we started to go out on world trips on the most beautiful places and fell deeply in love (or so I thought)
4 years had passed by. She was still good an innocent (or so I thought).
On the 4th year - I made a project that made me life-changing money. I took her in Dubai with my whole family and spent a fortune to please them. Unfortunately - she was not happy there, I felt like she didn't support me at that moment. She didn't care what I did, she didn't care about my success. She tells me 'This is your success, not mine' 'This is your money, not mine' I told her I want to buy a house for us and she said 'This will be your house'
I then fell into an emotional pit, because everything I do is to support my family and create one wit her.
I got extremely mad, this feeling didn't fade away. I wanted to end it with her, because she didn't acknowledge anything.
The summer was approaching, we got into a fight over something (I Think I caught her again) - We separated for a month, she started crying and was working the whole month. - I went on a vacation with friends, where I cheated on her (Only kissing) and started approaching other girls. But while doing all this - My girlfriend never left my mind, I was extremely sad that I ended it with her.
I opened up her Instagram Account and saw on her story how she is on vacation with two good girls from her work and one baby (She was lonely by the looks of it and extremely sad)
I got back from the vacation and started working things out with her, I took her on a vaction, we had a bonding there, but something didn't feel right... She seemed sad.
I started gambling on crypto futures... I lost 20% of my networth... I got extremely mad.
We went back in our country and then I took her on another trip. I bought her everything she wanted, I took her everywhere she wanted, I did everything to please her. My focus at that time was entirely on her.
She wanted to go in the casino - we went. I lost money, but gave her, since she wanted to stack an amount for a nose operation.
(Not because the nose was broken or something, but because she wanted to look better)
Business started getting bad, my income vanished.....
I started trading more in order to get back to my previous amounts...
I lost it almost all.. I had 1 reserve fund which was locked and I waited a couple of months to take the funds out. She was there with me even when I lost.
She finished her operation.
I got the reserve fund. I started trading, I made half the amount back. She wanted me to buy her a car - I did. I bought a land as well, on which I wanted to start building our house.
After all that - I lost all my funds again...
She had been constantly in a fight with her parents and wanted to move out.
I had one small income left - with all the funds I had, I rented an apartment for 6 months.
During those 6 months - I focused on working, but was losing due to my gambling habbit.
She got a new job. She started going out with friends. Sexual intercourse decreased by a lot.
I told her that I don't like her going out till 6 AM in the morning. This just isn't right with me, so I got suspicious.
I hacked her laptop... she saw a notification and rushed to the house... I was able to see a lot of things, but it appears - she was deleting evidence, so I asked her to give her phone. - She gave it to me.
Unfortunately - I knew how to see deleted messages on an Iphone. I saw only one message, the content was:
'Don't message me anywhere again.'
I got filled with rage and we had a fight. She was fighting with me to get her phone back. I gave it and told her I want to end it.
As he was a famous greek singer - I was able to analyze when he had concerts and saw that on those dates - she had been visitng those concerts...
3 Days later - we talked and worked it out.... I was madly in love with her at this point. She told me that she arranges stages for him. (It's related to her new job)
My gambling habits were in full force. I lost a lot of money and couldn't afford a rent of a high-cost, so I told her - Let's move out to my mother's place and in the next 1 year I will make sure that I succeed again. (My mother isn't living inside the house, but my brother is)
She agreed roughly. So we moved and I started working, but unfortunately - The money I felt I was making was not enough, not nearly enough to buy an aparatament or build our house. She was acting kind, innocent.
I went out on a birthday party and my friend created a circumstance, where I would sleep with a girl next to me. I knew she really liked me and hooked up. We were going to have intercourse, but as I did anything - my girlfriend was on my mind and I couldn't bring myself to do anything other than kisses... I just couldn't.
She started going out with friends again. She was going nightclubbing with them, but assurred me - she was doing it for her own fun.
She was meanwhile stacking money to get a boob-job done. - She did it, made her boobs bigger. She assurred me that she was doing it for her own fun.
6 months have passed. - I stopped gambling, but she told me that she doesn't like my house, doesn't like that I'm living with my brother and she doesn't see a future with me.
She told me she would leave and go in her cousin's apartament, but he doesn't want me there.
I told her that I want to break up with her, because she doesn't want to be with me at my lowest point. I told her that she probably wants to leave the house to go out nightclubbing and find someone better than me. She felt offended (Or so It seemed), but I think that was the truth. She told me that she wants to have kids with me, she loves me, etc.
The next day: She goes out of city without telling me anything about her location. At night: she goes in a nightclub with her friends + other males.
I ask her in 2 AM - 'Where are you right now'? She comes in and out of 'Online' status. and at 4 AM I notice a follower increase on her Instagram, she follows him back - I send her a video and ask who the f is that? She responds 'What do you want', 'This is an old friend', 'Stop being envious'
I get extremely angry and stop responding. The next day I check the live photos of the nightclub and pray to god to give me a sign that I'm not delusional and exactly the next photo - She is on the same table, with the same guy, with her friends and other males. She told me she was sleeping.
1 Day passes - she starts messaging me and sending me photos with the quote 'Let's promise we will never leave each other and fix everything when things go wrong.' 2 Day passes - she starts messaging me, so I show her that I don't want to talk with her. 3 Day passes - no one messages. 4th day she messages me: "Are we breaking up?" and I told her "Do you think I want to be with someone, who constantly lies to me, goes out nightclubbing and adds some r*tards in Instagram?" She told me - "First of all - I'm not lying about anyhing" Then I ask her - "Why have you added this person in 4 AM in the morning"? She replies: "I have had him for some time now, he is an old friend" I told her that I monitor her followers and know if he is old or new" I told her that she looks like trash in my eyes at this point and she got angry She told me she isn't obligated to tell me anything and she hasn't added him in 4 AM, she will not be repeating her self.
I ask her: - Can you tell me where were you at that time (The night that this happened) ? She tells me: - Like every night - at home. I sent her a photo of the live nightclub photo where she is with him, her friends and other male friends. I tell her 'I hope this is gives you an answer for everything' 'My girlfriend died a long time ago' She starts sending laughing emojis and says: "It's good, right?" "You killed her more likely and made her what she is today" I tell her "It's possible" She responds "As you can see - he is with his girlfriend, DON'T THINK WRONG THINGS OF ME" I told her: "Don't explain yourself" "This was my last question." She is now telling: "This is a driver of... and some time ago my friend hooked up with him, this is from where I added him, I haven't added him now" I told her: "I don't think anything of you." She responds "The last two years you have not thought of me anyway" WHICH IS NOT TRUE. I tell her "I wish you all the best, I hope you find what you are looking for" She responds "Me too, be happy" I respond "I have only one question left" "When did my girl die?" She reponds "You can always contact me if you need any help" I respond: "Thank you, but I don't think of searching for contacting you anymore" She asks: "Which is your girl?" I respond "The good girl that loved me and was always with me or was this just a product of my imagination? Be honest" She said: "Whatever you feel like" I respond "Okay, good night" Then I forward the message "You can always contact me for help" and I say: "I really loved you and will miss you" She reponds: "I will never stop loving you. There is no way to stop loving a person with which you have been in a releationship for 6 years" "Good night, I will not upset myself anymore" I ask her "Why would you do this to me?" She ask "What did I do to you?" I told her "It's pointless to say, I have a lot more information that on the photo" She says "We were in this town for a doctor checkup, after that we went to a nightclub and accidentially met them (The person and his male friends)" I ask her "Will you stop with the lying?" She says "I'm telling you" I respond "Good night"
Now my question is:
I'm a sucker for her love. Maybe I'm just in love with the old her. I have never loved any girl as much as I love her. I feel absolutely terrible. Maybe part of this was my fault. Maybe it was my fault that she became like this..
What do I do from here? I don't think I will ever love a person this way.. I wanted her to carry my children and raise a family with her.

Hello,
I have been dating my girlfriend for about 4 years. have been living together for 2 years but our timeline was accelerated because we met early during COVID. I think we have a very good relationship in that we share similar values, can be silly around each other, and have a lot of shared interests. Earlier on I felt very intense sparks but those have subsided in favor of a less intense form of love. My girlfriend can be very anxious and needs a lot of listening / patience which I am happy to do. From the outset, she is very fun and outgoing but doesn't have that many deep relationships. I don't think many people know how anxious she can be.
About 2 years ago, I had two family members die due to COVID 19. My partner accompanied me to the funeral which I really appreciated. Unfortunately, none of my extended family came to talk to her or introduce themselves. There was a lot of tension at this event and it did not go how I thought it would at all. Since then, I have felt pretty depressed and have been facing a lot of work stress / anxiety. I am always afraid of getting laid off or fired, due to this happening to my parents several times, that I struggle to take it easy. Despite all this, we have traveled to 10 states, 15 weddings, and a foreign country and had a great time.
Now that I have gotten my weaknesses out of the way, I am at the point in life where I want to take the next step and start talking about marriage. I brought this up with my partner and they were....very hesitant. They said they fell very anxious about committing to next steps because I have been so stressed and unfun to be around. We didn't talk about breaking up but I am struggling on how to move past this. On the one hand, I understand that I have not been mentally well but on the other I feel the patience I have with her is not reciprocated. I feel like a placeholder in some sense.
What is the best way for me to approach this topic?
tldr, Talked to my girlfriend of 4 years about getting married. She feels too anxious to commit. Wondering how to talk and proceed?

Hello,
I have been dating my girlfriend for about 4 years. have been living together for 2 years but our timeline was accelerated because we met early during COVID. I think we have a very good relationship in that we share similar values, can be silly around each other, and have a lot of shared interests. Earlier on I felt very intense sparks but those have subsided in favor of a less intense form of love. My girlfriend can be very anxious and needs a lot of listening / patience which I am happy to do. From the outset, she is very fun and outgoing but doesn't have that many deep relationships. I don't think many people know how anxious she can be.
About 2 years ago, I had two family members die due to COVID 19. My partner accompanied me to the funeral which I really appreciated. Unfortunately, none of my extended family came to talk to her or introduce themselves. There was a lot of tension at this event and it did not go how I thought it would at all. Since then, I have felt pretty depressed and have been facing a lot of work stress / anxiety. I am always afraid of getting laid off or fired, due to this happening to my parents several times, that I struggle to take it easy. Despite all this, we have traveled to 10 states, 15 weddings, and a foreign country and had a great time.
Now that I have gotten my weaknesses out of the way, I am at the point in life where I want to take the next step and start talking about marriage. I brought this up with my partner and they were....very hesitant. They said they fell very anxious about committing to next steps because I have been so stressed and unfun to be around. We didn't talk about breaking up but I am struggling on how to move past this. On the one hand, I understand that I have not been mentally well but on the other I feel the patience I have with her is not reciprocated. I feel like a placeholder in some sense.
What is the best way for me to approach this topic?
tldr, Talked to my girlfriend of 4 years about getting married. She feels too anxious to commit. Wondering how to talk and proceed?

TL;DR need advice on how to go about contacting or how to find more contact info for my landlord that I just found out is different than who I believed.
Apologies in advance for the long-windedness. Questions are at the end
So I asked a question in this sub a bit ago about trying to avoid having to pay rent if I broke my lease because I knew they wouldn’t rent my apartment because they plan to flip it. Most people told me to just ask to see if they would be amenable to ending the lease early.
So I did that last week only to be told I would need to talk to the owner. I had been on the phone with the maintenance dept of the management company because of an ongoing issue they have still not resolved, so I thought they meant I just had to talk to someone else so I asked to be transferred. They said they couldn’t do that. So I asked if they had a direct line so I wouldn’t have to go through the automated prompts again. They said no. So I asked if calling the office or using the text line would be better. He said, “no, that’s all for the management company. We are hired by the owner. You would have to talk to the owner directly if you had a question about the lease.” I was a bit dumbfounded by this because I had never been given any other information. My former landlord sold my building at the end of February and just told us that we would be contacted by [first name last name] realty on how to pay rent for March. The next day I had a letter from [3 letters] management with an intro and how to pay my rent. We were given a phone number to call and a different one to text. Around that time I got a text from the text number who identified himself as same [first name last name] from [3 letters] management. So at this point, I assumed he was my landlord. I did ask the maintenance guy if he could just tell me the name of the owner and he said he knew it but couldn’t give out that information.
I was kind of at a loss at this point and venting to my friend and he told me I could look up the property records online. The owner is an LLC that was created about a month before buying my building. I only have a PO Box address in a city 2+ hours from my apt. I really don’t want to mail a letter asking for them to contact me about mutually ending the lease early. I had been hesitant just to ask the management company when I thought they were the landlord just because of how difficult they have made this. I have to imagine a landlord that hasn’t made themselves known and is also kicking out of everyone from the building to flip it is not going to be helpful. I tried googling and the AI overview states that a landlord must notify tenants who the new owner is but when I click into the articles, nothing I have found explicitly states this.
So my questions are:
Was someone supposed to tell me who my actual landlord was and how to contact them?
Are there other resources I can use to find out how to contact my landlord other than the P.O. Box?
Is it worth talking to a different person at the management company to see if they would be willing to give me more info?
Should I try to ask my old landlord for this info?
Has anyone else gone through something like this and what did you do?
TIA, ETA line breaks because mobile sucks

My(16F) Boyfriend (18M) and i recently got into a relationship. my boyfriend is a senior and i am a junior, before getting into a relationship we were best friends for around 3 years. we have been through thick and thin together and both have grown into who we are today. next week we will be coming up on our 4th month; it has been a very short relationship however he and i have both grown as people so much together and have learned so much relationship wise. because we have been friends our relationship has moved faster than all our previous ones, however we also are so connected on a deeper level that it feels like we have been together for years. our friends often compare us to an old married couple, we sit on par benches and admire the nature around us for dates, bicker and joke around with each other, and have kind of an old souls tied together type relationship. now for the hard part, getting into this relationship we both agreed that this relationship is on a timeline and that we will have to break up and continue on as being just friends moving forward because he is going to japan for the whole summer and then immediately to college. at first i was accepting of this because we had agreed on this very early in our relationship. however, as we continued i fell more and more in love with this man each day. i truly didn't know i could love a person this much and it hurts. i talked to him some weeks ago about this and practically begged him to reconsider us breaking up. i told him to take a couple days to take some time to think about this and to have a conversation with me about it when he is ready. this past weekend he sat me down to have the conversation, he told me that his opinion had not changed because he wanted to end this relationship on good terms and not have it on a lifeline throughout the summer and possibly the school year because he is HORRIBLE at texting people and hates being on his phone. he told me that he wont cut me out of his life and that he will never stop liking me and if it works out would like to try again in the future, however he made me promise that i wont hold out for him and mold my life to getting back with him. he still wants to be a big part of my life and still be my best friend. i agreed with this and told him that if that is what he wants that is what we will do and that i am not gonna fight for him to change his mind. while i am happy that we will stay in each other's lives and can still be possibly together romantically again in the future. however i am very scared that i could be losing the love of my life... as crazy as it sounds i truly feel like our relationship is so much more than a casual high school relationship or a relationship to learn how to properly love in a relationship. yes we have learned a lot and have taught each other so much but i am afraid one of us will potentially move on while the other is still holding onto hope that we will end up together again, mainly the person holding on being me. he is staying local for college and will only be about an hour at most away and the college he is attending is one of my top colleges as well. we both have similar future plans and wants and when talking about what we want in the future such as what we want our future house to look like, kids, marriage, and careers we have similar if not the same ideas and expectations so it feels like the universe is simply making it obvious that we are so much more than a temporary fling. however i believe that if we are meant to be, we will come back into each other's lives at a better time and a lot of our friends also believe that we are meant to be together. i am still going to keep my promise of not intentionally holding out for him, however dating him has raised my standards way to high for most likely all other boys our age, he is the only person in my life that i know will play a significant role in my life and will have a major part in my big life events such as my wedding. what that role specifically is, only time will tell.
thank you for listening to my rant, i apologize for all grammatical errors and run on sentences.
**TL;DR;** : my boyfriend and i are breaking up over the summer however i am absolutely devastated because i believe that we are meant to be together

I don't open up problems to people around me even though I know that there are some who would be willing to listen. So dito nalang muna ako magpapakawala ng frustration.
I'm a person who doesn't want any beef with anyone as much as possible and I can't sleep knowing that someone felt bad because of me. So habang nagiisip pa ako kung papaano ko sasabihin frankly sa isa kong tropa na pathological liar and a heavily driven user of people, na I'm fed up with letting his lies slide and I'm done pretending to be naive and I wanted to cut our friendship ties na, pa vent off muna dito. It's been too mentally toxic for me already. Never have I thought I'd meet someone and eventually be in my circle for years who lives and breathes as a bullshit artist. I always knew he's like that, others in our circle know he's that kind. All in his other circle know that.
Madali lang naman sana eh kung hindi dahil sa put***inang pagkabuhol-buhol sa negosyo.
We are business partners. I know, antangatanga ko din. You got me, and I won't defend myself from that. But he was a friend needing help at that time. So I financed the whole thing and used my highly valued skills to build and maintain it. But public knowledge is that we financed it squarely. He doesn't want everyone to know I solely financed it because this guy's got a fvkn ego as huge as Burj Khalifa -- I agreed. Business is food. Deal was, we'll locate the business in their property and as soon as we rake in consistent profits, we'll slowly return my capital. Then subsequent profits, we'll split 50/50. Fortunately, business slightly blew up. I did get my capital back. Thereafter I trusted him with the numbers and the papers. Biz is under sole proprietorship and let him print his name on it because I tend to travel far regularly. I get to monitor the sales naman real time with an online POS. I initiated the financial sheets for him to maintain manually. IT WAS A HUGE MISTAKE. I relied on his casual updates, on how the general fitness of the busines goes. For the past few months I always get a fckn sad and disappointed face together with a bad news that it's been rough lately and saying we're just breaking even for months now. I opened the sheets yesterday after almost a year of not checking on them and I can see so much bullshit in it as clear as day. I can spot them with one eye closed. It's like a robbery done by a child. Well to be fair, this guy is not really smart. In a lot of ways he's bobo. He thinks he's street smart at ma diskarte but there's a more fitting word to call it for his case -- EGO. He thinks hes's got the flair of bobo but madiskarte. But IQ and other intellectual traits, zilch. When I saw all the discrepancies, I couldn't contain my laughter because it was too funny that he might think he did a great job playing with the numbers. Spotting the bullshit in it was childsplay. But fun didn't last long. I feel brutally betrayed. I knew naman talaga na there was so much risk. Also, I always knew how fckn dark his attitude, his ways, and mindset is. It's just that, he needed help that I agreed to team up. But now, he's become a huge turd I want to wash away as thorough as possible.
He also always likes to make stories and scenarios up where he would sound and look great. He's basically self-feeding his ego. He always presents himself to everyone that he had reached these and those kind of fictional achievements, unsolicitedly blowing his own horn at strange and random times. Probably a coping mechanism because admittedly, he knows that he's a person with no talent, no skills, no intelligence, and just PURE BULLSHIT.

I'd say "I have no idea why" but that would only be partially true. I have at least a clue to work with but that might not even be it.
We've been together since 2021 (two traumatized twenty-somethings.)
A couple of weeks ago, we were having a heart-to-heart about some of the trauma I'd been through, which they seemed encouraging and actively listening until all of a sudden, they weren't anymore. Literally in the tiny pause after I finished a sentence and was waiting for them to respond, they suddenly started ignoring me for their ipad. I tried saying another sentence and got "uh huh"-d. Obviously this upset me, and I was trying to figure out what just went wrong, asking questions and freaking out a bit. To make a long story short, for this crime I got the silent treatment, and they literally used the exact trauma triggers I'd just been talking about against me.
I let them know about this, how badly hurt I was, and how in the future if they would say literally anything about their feelings or intentions this could be avoided from happening again. Because they just lashed out with no explanation given. Apparently, having been triggered by them getting mad at me out of the blue and then leaving me in isolation refusing to say a word makes me the bad guy, because their intentions were to leave the conversation and "avoid making me any more upset", so their intentions are all that mattered in that case. And asking them to say some words so I know why they're acting out (& whether it has anything to do with me) makes me even worse. Apparently I'm "not even trying to understand" and am solidly The Asshole for interpreting being given the aggressive silent treatment all of a sudden as them being angry with or punishing me. They completely rejected what I'd said and turned into them being the victim of me being completely unreasonable. (Repeating for redundancy: I asked them to communicate with me so I could understand their actions in a better light, and was told I'm "not even trying to understand" and that communication was a completely unreasonable ask.)
Things were a bit awkward for a week, and then completely fine for a couple of days. As of yesterday, all of a sudden, everything is different and they won't tell me why. They look at me as if I'm a complete stranger, wouldn't let me go in for a kiss, are aggressively ignoring me to talk to other people when we have time together... I texted them something along the lines of "ugh I have to make a doctor's appointment", which if I'd sent that even a month ago, they would have understood the conversation to be "oof, that sucks because you have no medical insurance or reliable transportation, maybe you can argue about not having to go in person?" But what I actually received back was "Then make the appointment."
I'm literally being treated with less tolerance or sympathy than they would give to any random person they meet in the store or online. I'm being treated like they suddenly hate my guts.
Worse, I completely depend on them for transportation and a place to live. So I'm going to be in very close proximity (small living quarters, not even an alternate place to sleep) to someone I should have been able to turn to for sympathy and joy and physical comfort, who's instead just ????? treating me like the scum of the earth suddenly. I asked them if there was something wrong and got a dismissive answer.
I'm completely breaking apart. Things were bad enough. I already needed them to regain my trust and show me they cared about me, and now they're doubling down on that damage with this. Every horrible thing I already believed about myself, but had been healing from, has been ripped back open. I have no more reason to believe I'm worth anything on this earth or that anyone could have any reason to want me around. And they don't care. They want me to be perfect, psychic and only ever thinking about them. Seemingly. Because if something else is the issue apparently I'm supposed to already understand that without them saying anything.
And I know if I show even a tiny amount of weakness surrounding how they're currently treating me, they'll get even more worked up, because they seem to think they can just act however they want and everyone else needs to just be understanding.
(Before anyone jumps to "cheating" A. I couldn't even if I wanted to, B. They're asexual and don't really enjoy sex to begin with, and C. We already agreed that having other sexual partners would be OK as long as everyone's in the loop about everything.)
I can't stress enough how bad it's getting. I don't really have anyone I could turn to IRL at this point and like I said, I'm still dependent on them to get to work and the store and have a place to sleep. So I'm going to be around this 24/7 with no lifeline.
What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck.
Edit: Shit sorry I forgot to add a flair

i cant give too many details because i know him and his friends use reddit. ill just say this. im a minor and i dated a man over 15 years older than me. it was real life, not some online thing. we met at church. he broke up with me because he said im too young for him. after 2 years he just now realizes???? we dated for 2 years. my parents never found out. i cant do anything about it because we didnt do anything sexual because we were waiting for marriage. he convinced me my parents are bad. he isolated me and made me feel like i was going crazy for having normal human emotions. i have no other friends. he said really mean things to me. but i just want him to stay. he can keep being mean to me if he wants. he never even hit me and he was so gentle. he can do whatever he wants i just want him to stay. i will never find anyone else like him. he found me when i was really suffering and made me feel wanted. he blocked me on everything and he goes to a different church now. my formative years were wasted. i have nobody. he was the only reason i was alive. he helped me lose a lot of weight too and he gave me a healthy body. he did so much for me and now hes just left. i dont know what to do. i have nobody without him and now he is just gone. i hate him i hate him so much. how can someone born in an entirely different generation ever like someone so young? what the hell is wrong with him? why would he do this if he didnt even want anything sexual? i was going to drop out of school for him when i turned 18 and we were gonna move to Vermont and get married. so i didnt care about my grades. but now hes gone and i ruined my life. i will not get into college. i will not do anything with my life now and my grades cant be brought up. i used to be so smart. i used to have ambition. i wanted to be a lawyer. my only ambition was him after i met him and now hes gone and nothing is left. i cant do anything now. how can he jusy abandon me like this? for the past month since he left i have felt like im in 3rd person controlling a video game character

I cannot believe you can be married to someone and devote your all to them, only for them to treat you suddenly in the most horrific of ways.
I gave my ex wife my all. Two years ago she waited for my father to get to the point of passing away before she started acting crazy and cheating on me. Perfect timing. I had to deal with my parent being ill and a funeral and also deal with a cheating wife who started suddenly calling me abusive and emotionally abusive and all of this other terminology and she took my son away from me and cheated.
She cheated, and cheated, and cheated some more. I tried calling her, reasoning with her, even stupidly sending her money at first. Well, what do you know? Besides the money I voluntarily sent her out of worry for her wellbeing, she stole some of my own money and flew out of state to meet a person off the internet and cheat. She cheated here too. In total I know of 4 people she slept with within 3 months of leaving me. Then she got pregnant by the guy she has been with for the last two years. How long did it take for her to get knocked up? Probably 6-7 months after suddenly breaking up with me (if you want to call it a breakup since we never even had ONE DISCUSSION or conversation about anything).
Now she will randomly text my phone and pretend it’s for our child. I have temp custody, but she will send him a text although it seems like it’s aimed at me just acknowledging her existence as I refuse to say a word to her anymore. She tried once to come back when her and her whatever you call that thing she’s with were having problems. I felt insulted that she felt she could just call me after 2 years and I’d just take her back.
Almost 800 days have since passed as she lives her life as if nothing bad ever happened. She just goes on with a “new normal”, ick…and here I am full of terror over the craziness that transpired. I couldn’t save my marriage. My marriage got destroyed. I thought she was my best friend. She ended up being a murderer in my eyes. Because it feels like my soul got murdered. My days are spent pretending to be normal. I go to work, do activities, but it lingers in my mind just about 24/7.
I will never ever understand how this occurred. I am traumatized. People have advised me to “move on and find someone else.” I would if I wasn’t so traumatized and also developed 100% disinterest in relationships or sex itself. It is like asking a cat if it wants to hop in the swimming pool. I don’t understand any of it, all I know is that I’m extremely tired of my life.

So, I (39f) get a text from my husband (38m) at 12:47 pm asking me if I'm alright because I was cleaning more aggressively than he was comfortable with and he doesn't know how requests of me will be taken...okay, so I had a lot of coffee and I was moving fast so I could finish what I started and get to some schoolwork done online. I got how he could think I was upset somehow, I guess. I replied that I had stuff to do and I was fine. He sends me another text saying he's in a lot of pain (he had surgery last week) and he wanted to know if I'd ask the doctor for a refill of his pain meds.
(He has had issues with alcohol, drugs, and narcotics in the past. He was trying to be sensitive because when he was getting prepared for surgery, he let me know they were going to give him narcotics and the reason I left him before a couple times was when he was on something and treating me like crap. We spoke about it and I thought we'd be okay after.)
I replied asking him if he called his doctor already to see if something could be going on. A couple hours later I'm taking a bath and ask if he spoke to the office. I getting ready to pick my kid up and I was heading toward the pharmacy. It's a 45 minute drive, ordinarily. I send him another text after I get the kid to see if maybe he had a script filled and I could pick it up. I didn't get any replies. I ask if he's feeling some kind of way and ignoring me, or if I'm imagining it. Nothing. So I call him. He says he didn't reply because he didn't like that I replied to his question with a question. I told him we were on our way home and drove home.
So I have another unrelated issue to talk to him about and I send him a text letting him know that I'm having an issue, but I can't talk to him about it because I don't feel like he's a safe place for me to talk. We've had issues when we argued in the past and I've started trying to express myself in this way to let him know I'm struggling without picking a fight. So he knows that something is going on and I'm trying to work through it on my own, especially in the face of my not feeling like I will be heard if I speak to him about it.
We go back and forth for a while and eventually, I retired to the bathroom to decompress, brush my teeth, wash my face, do some stretches and zone out listening to a podcast. He comes in the bathroom without warning, I assumed cuz he was flushing his stuff from surgery, so I left. Folded a load of laundry and fixed up a new load. Came back to my computer to get started on schoolwork again, and get a text from him. I'm in the middle of responding and he closes the door and starts coming toward me like he was gonna talk. I got up and left the house. We went back and forth a little more in text messages.
He's trying to blame this whole ordeal on me like I got myself worked up over nothing and I'm telling him I was fine until he said he'd been ignoring me for hours. Then I had an unrelated issue that I was gonna work through myself and I didn't want to talk. Then he tried to force the issue to talk. I tell him I've repeatedly told him to back off and let him know what was going on with me once there really was an issue.
He sends me another text saying it's funny and cute when I storm off angry. I replied letting him know that I wasn't leaving out of anger, it was fear. (And perhaps, I realized after the fact, I should have elaborated on that a bit to explain that I was afraid of my own reaction not being appropriate for the environment with the kids home and me being upset that he was trying to force a conversation that I told him I wasn't up for). He gives some sarcastic replies to that and I stopped texting back. I left the house to grab some beers and I'm sitting in my car listening to a podcast, drinking my damned beers in peace.
So, my question is this...am I the asshole here? I feel like I responded to his initial messages well and tried to keep judgement about the pills out of it. Being concerned that he's in pain. Wondering if this should be expected days after surgery. Still don't know, because he thought I was salty about the whole thing before he even sent his first text and treated me just like I was. Then picked a fight with me and tried to blame me for it. And then...tells me I'm funny when I'm mad. Which would be fine, except this was not the time or place to say that and it felt like he was laughing at me and not taking me seriously.
Before I get the responses saying this is a bad relationship or indicates some fundamental failure of my marriage and I should just leave him...please take a step back and imagine for a moment that this is "get-over-able"...and then let me know how you think either of us could have handled it better. I know my relationship is silly sometimes, but it's my mess and I'm working on cleaning it up. It takes time. How can I improve things in the future?
TL;DR my husband thought I was gonna be upset that he wanted pain meds even though he has had issues with them in the past and left me hanging for hours playing video games. Then picked a fight with me and when I told him I was done talking, he kept it going until he disrespected me by saying I was cute when I was mad.