Our house restaurant

So this was almost 2 months ago now but I just couldn’t figure out how to tell anyone about it. It was the day before my birthday and, as we know, the milestones are hard days after loss. I was walking to a restaurant near my house to meet my parents for lunch and while I walked down the sidewalk I was just missing my brother and wishing there was some way he could send me a sign. I’ve never really believed in a higher power but I always wish that I did. Not believing in any kind of afterlife and being so science and fact oriented about death has been devastating and lonely on many levels. But I was so hoping for anything, missing my brother so badly knowing that I once again would not be getting a FaceTime call from him the next day.
I got to the place we were eating at, we ordered at the walk up window and found a table to sit at. While we were sitting there waiting for our food, a man walked up to the window who made me do a double take. He was dressed exactly like my brother AND the way that he walked and carried himself was identical to my brother. Before I could even process it my mom noticed him and pointed it out too. Message from the universe or complete coincidence, not sure if I really care atp. All I know is that it was ultimately a comfort on a hard day, even if it made me sob as soon as I got back home.
Thanks for listening to my rambling if you got this far, just had to share it with people who can understand.

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Long story short, I was out at dinner tonight with family and out of nowhere, my biological dad gets pissed off, gets in my face and punches me. This isn't the first he's done something like this, he's been abusive, to not only me, but others for basically his entire life. Note: My grandparents adopted me. My grandpa passed away back in February and my dads behavior has gotten progressively worse.
Me, him and my grandma are currently on a trip to Reno, he came to my house to pick me up and when I was finishing packing up yesterday, he invites himself into my house as soon as I open the door and immediately starts grabbing my things off my couch without asking me first. I asked him politely not to do that again and then he tells me "Well, I'm ready to go. You didn't pack fast enough." and I tried to talk to my grandma about it and she defended his actions. I had most of what I need packed the night before and I was finishing up putting my hygiene stuff in my ruck.
We out to dinner tonight and he started on a tangent about people on the Autism Spectrum and he called me a retard a handful of times and I asked him politely to not use that word. This is when he got pissed off, got in my face, yelled at me and punched me. I almost maced him because he became very hostile.
The restaurant staff come over to me and ask if I'd like to call the police and I said no. I didn't want anymore chaos. Also, note, that even on our drive to Reno, he was getting progressively agitated by small and irrelevant things, such as, the way I packed my ruck, the clothes that I brought to wear and how I wear my issued boots everywhere I go, blah, blah, blah.
My grandma defended his actions at the restaurant and told me that I shouldn't have "antagonized" him and he wouldn't have done that. I didn't antagonize him or anyone, I just simply asked him to stop calling me retarded and to stop objectifying women around me. He also objectifies women around me and persistently tries to talk to me about my sex life and such. I've expressed to him that I'm uncomfortable with him doing that and I've asked him to stop far too many times.
Does anybody have any advice on how I can appropriately handle this situation??

My boyfriend and I have been in a 16 month LDR, and we met 2 months ago. When we met in person, just the two of us, it was great.
I have 2 children. Dad isn’t involved. My eldest son is sensitive but amazing. My youngest son is so funny but has mild-mid autism.
I was reluctant to date him at first but he slowly showed me he adored me and I fell for him. He even bought me an expensive gift just to see me smile when we were only friends. He was kind, patient, and worships me. Literally, I walk on water to him.
From the beginning, he wasn’t keen on the dad thing, though he said he wanted to try. We didn’t meet straight away because I lived far away but also because I wanted time to get to know him.
He literally wanted me marry me on day one. He wanted to get a tattoo of me on his chest — I had to convince him not to. He got me out of debt. Spent all his savings to help me. Saved a couple of baby birds from the road because I inspired him to do good. He makes me say ten kind things about myself if I say one bad thing about myself. When I needed an Uber he sent me $2500 — what the hell??! He’s broke because of me. I didn’t ask him for money - not once. But I’d be lying if I told you it didn’t help me and my kids a lot. It’s basically meant I could stay in this house I’m renting for 16 months more. He’s listened to me, been there for me.
When we approached our first year together, sure, he didn’t gift me as much or was not as romantic. I wrote a manuscript and asked him to read the first chapter and he said he would only read it to me to help me go to sleep (he used to read to me to help me go to sleep). But I was sad he wouldn’t read it. Little things changed. But I expected them to.
When we met in person, he was wonderful. Charming. Kind. Sex was kinda weird as he is a gamer virgin. He couldn’t pleasure me and I couldn’t make him cum - possibly due to him having sensitivity issues as he touched too hard. This worried me but I put it aside.
Last week, I had major surgery coming up. My boyfriend is broke now, having helped me so much. Nonetheless, he flew to me. On the day he flew, he met my kids for the first time. He barely spoke to them, it was awkward.
My kids were giggling a little at the restaurant we went to. Nothing that would have made me upset at them. My boyfriend didn’t like it though. It was so weird.
When I was in hospital, he’d drive to see me every day for the three days I was there. He cleaned me, fed me, brushed my hair, wiped my butt — he looked after me so well.
Then, when I was at hospital and he was at my house, he heard my mum and my autistic son having a tiff. Basically, my mum got my son out of a morning routine and he was rowdy. I’m not saying his behaviour was good. He was loud and not listening to my mum. Next thing, my boyfriend, who went to bed at 5am playing video games, woke up and screamed at my boys from upstairs “STOP THAT NOW, DONT MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE.” My eldest son was so shook up he was sobbing in the car to school. He was so looking forward to meeting my boyfriend and having a dad at last. His hopes were shattered.
I let this go at first because I needed my boyfriend. But when I got home, my autistic son was complaining about a few things and my boyfriend was visibly irritated though said nothing.
When he got home on his flight, he said my son was a problem and needed to be disciplined. I’m not above disciplinary actions and evoke them often. But my son does have autism. He needs to be spoken to differently.
My family and friends were horrified with what I told them.
I called my boyfriend up, and to bitesize our conversation, he said the following phrases: “I told you I wasn’t ready to be a dad, I’m just some dude.” “I’ll spend time with them if they’re quiet.” “When they are loud they can go to their room.” When i asked, “What if they see a rainbow and are all excited?” He said, “As long as they’re not too loud.” When I told him sometimes you have to talk to my autistic son a little differently, his reply was “I don’t care. I don’t care that he’s got autism. I’m not having him act like that. He needs to be disciplined.”
I was… blindsided. “You’re unbelievable,” I said in shock. He said, “YOURE unbelievable.”
This guy was the man of my dreams. The light at the end of the tunnel. After the horrible relationship I suffered, he was the gift for my troubles. And suddenly I’m preparing to leave him. I don’t get how this happened. How could someone so lovely be like this? A man who cries at movies, who cried at the thought of leaving me to go back home or who cried about how lucky he was to have me only days ago? Throughout this whole year he’s been my champion.
Now my kids hate him and he seemingly hates them. I need advice on what to do. My gut says leave, I can’t trust him alone with my kids, the other a part says I’m being dramatic, just like he said I was being when I was questioning him in shock.
He’s become my whole world, and the dating world for me is not kind. But my kids come first. I’m scared. I don’t know if I’m making the right choice.

my best friend doesn’t like my boyfriend and it’s driving me crazy!!! both are sober alcoholics with ocd. my boyfriend is extremely loving, supportive, gentle, kind, basically everything i’ve been looking for in a relationship. we’ve been together for about 8 months. he briefly lived with us (me and my best friend) but ended up going to rehab after a relapse that entailed my best friend and i searching for him in the middle of the night and even reporting him missing (just in case.) he ended up coming home in the morning hungover with hypothermia and lots of regret. once he was home safe, she sent him a long paragraph about how he’s basically a massive piece of shit who is going to ruin our lives and how he doesn’t deserve me. obviously it really got to him and they haven’t talked since.
its been about three months and he’s been through rehab and is now in a recovery house, he’s got a new job at an extremely nice fine dining restaurant and is committed to recovery but recently she relapsed and did some questionable things while drunk.
i decided to wait a few weeks and then talked to her about my boyfriend and she said she doesn’t trust him AT ALL and never wants to see him ever. this made me cry. i feel like of all people she should understand the struggle of sobriety and know that despite alcoholism, people can be amazing. she’s so worried about the possibility of him hurting me that she’s hurting me.
i don’t know what to do because they are the two most important people in my life and the tension is eating me alive! i hate not being able to talk about all the sweet things my boyfriend does for me or about the time we spend together like best friends do when i listen to her talk about her boyfriend all the time aaaahhhhhhhh

We have been together since 4 years and I just saw that he commented on a post that asked : if you have the choice to save 2 what would you pick ? The options were mother , girlfriend, your kid and 20M $ , my bf picked his mom and 20M $ . I wouldn’t fuss about it if he didn’t have a history of letting me know that he would always choose money over me if he has the choice but he made it clear many times.
I understand that financial stability is important , but he doesn’t even know how to manage his money that well and borrows a lot from me (he gives it back ofc). So I don’t understand the obsession over money. I’ve asked him sometimes if he would be willing to lose me forever for 10 000 $ and he replies yes. I try to tell him that it’s a bit hurtful and weird in my opinion it’s so toxic . but he claps back saying that I never worked once in my life and that I wouldn’t understand.
It’s true we come from a different background thankfully my parents help me a lot . Him on the other hand he has to work to take care of himself and also his family back in is hometown. I try to be really understanding but it doesn’t make sense to me to be able to put money before a person who truly loves and support you . Money comes and goes right? If you lose some u can always gain it back but a genuine partner who loves you is so special nowadays and I feel like he doesn’t really see how lucky he is to be with me ( in the most humble way possible btw) .
He recently got a job at Sephora as a security agent. I was a bit nervous about it because he will be surrounded by women and he hasn’t always been honest about stuff. But I didn’t cause an argument and I accepted his choice and recently he told me that he needs to go back to his house and that he can’t live with me anymore because the Sephora shop is closer to his house. I got mad because he didn’t tell me about it sooner . Hell we were at the restaurant yesterday he talked about it he saw that my mood was shifting a bit so he said that he’s joking and that he won’t leave . As soon as we arrived home he came and told me that he needs to leave and I was so confused it didn’t sit right with me the whole process of letting me know about it. I got mad and again he called me selfish and told me that I wouldn’t understand cause I don’t have a family to take care of . I don’t know what do do anymore this makes me question everything. Is it normal to prioritize money that much?
TL;DR: My boyfriend commented on a post asking which two he’d save: mother, girlfriend , kid, or $20M. He chose his mom and the money. He has a history of saying he’d choose money over me, which hurts since he often borrows from me. I understand his financial background is different from mine, but his obsession with money feels toxic. He recently got a job at Sephora and decided to move back home without properly discussing it with me, saying it’s closer to work. This, along with his dismissive attitude towards my feelings, makes me question our relationship and whether it’s normal to prioritize money this much.

Guess what people!!!!! I know I’m running late on this post but, it’s Spicy Event At The Cub week!!!! I can’t wait to try the menu that they worked out for us! I shall see y’all at 7pm and for those of you who like to show up earlier, I shall do my norm and be there early to enjoy a beverage or two. Oh and to make sure everything is ready!
“Pepper Pals Menu”
Pineapple Jalapeno Margarita $11
"Flatline" Chicken Sandwich topped with our in house Cheese Sauce. Served with Our Stealth Dipper Fries and accompanied by "357 magnum" Ketchup. $17.95”
If you’re worried about a seat/plate, call ahead and get a reservation but be sure to say that you are with the Pepper Pals! (318)-861-6517
Or use Open Table. Link at the bottom of this post.
I will probably be sitting at the bar or somewhere I can easily make my video without getting people in the background or at least as few as possible. But most likely the bar… 😁
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LINK to Open table to make a reservation online but be sure to mention you’re with the Pepper Pals!

We have been together since 4 years and I just saw that he commented on a post that asked : if you have the choice to save 2 what would you pick ? The options were mother , girlfriend, your kid and 20M $ , my bf picked his mom and 20M $ . I wouldn’t fuss about it if he didn’t have a history of letting me know that he would always choose money over me if he has the choice but he made it clear many times.
I understand that financial stability is important , but he doesn’t even know how to manage his money that well and borrows a lot from me (he gives it back ofc). So I don’t understand the obsession over money. I’ve asked him sometimes if he would be willing to lose me forever for 10 000 $ and he replies yes. I try to tell him that it’s a bit hurtful and weird in my opinion it’s so toxic . but he claps back saying that I never worked once in my life and that I wouldn’t understand.
It’s true we come from a different background thankfully my parents help me a lot . Him on the other hand he has to work to take care of himself and also his family back in is hometown. I try to be really understanding but it doesn’t make sense to me to be able to put money before a person who truly loves and support you . Money comes and goes right? If you lose some u can always gain it back but a genuine partner who loves you is so special nowadays and I feel like he doesn’t really see how lucky he is to be with me ( in the most humble way possible btw) .
He recently got a job at Sephora as a security agent. I was a bit nervous about it because he will be surrounded by women and he hasn’t always been honest about stuff. But I didn’t cause an argument and I accepted his choice and recently he told me that he needs to go back to his house and that he can’t live with me anymore because the Sephora shop is closer to his house. I got mad because he didn’t tell me about it sooner . Hell we were at the restaurant yesterday he talked about it he saw that my mood was shifting a bit so he said that he’s joking and that he won’t leave . As soon as we arrived home he came and told me that he needs to leave and I was so confused it didn’t sit right with me the whole process of letting me know about it. I got mad and again he called me selfish and told me that I wouldn’t understand cause I don’t have a family to take care of . I don’t know what do do anymore this makes me question everything. Is it normal to prioritize money that much?
TL;DR: My boyfriend commented on a post asking which two he’d save: mother, girlfriend , kid, or $20M. He chose his mom and the money. He has a history of saying he’d choose money over me, which hurts since he often borrows from me. I understand his financial background is different from mine, but his obsession with money feels toxic. He recently got a job at Sephora and decided to move back home without properly discussing it with me, saying it’s closer to work. This, along with his dismissive attitude towards my feelings, makes me question our relationship and whether it’s normal to prioritize money this much.

I (22F), have a group of friends (M29, F30, F26). We all usually get along really well and I enjoy their company but recently one friend (F26), has been treating me in a way that I think, personally, is rather unfair.
A few months ago, we were out at dinner with about another three people. We went to an all you can eat buffet, and I made an off-handed joke to another friend (not part of this central group who was there), that I had eaten so much that it would be a weeks’ worth of food, and I’d have to work it off, and this friend (F26), just blew up.
She interrupted the conversation to tell me not to talk about weight around her. The entire table felt uncomfortable with her outburst, but I personally felt so humiliated because she put all this attention on me and then shut me down when I tried to either apologise or defend myself. It really hurt my feelings and I was close to tears, but I let it go because it was a difficult time for her then and I assumed she was just having a bad day.
But then, about a week ago, the four of us were all at her house and she was cooking for us (which is a very sweet thing she does sometimes). I helped her cut up a certain herb that the cuisine uses often but that I personally dislike as it tastes like soap (iykyk). We get onto the topic of people who like vs don’t like this herb as it’s pretty universally divisive, and I comment that I am unfortunately one of those people who thinks it tastes bad and has a bad smell (which this friend is aware of and knows). At this point the friend asks me not to talk about bad smells around her cooking even though I wasn’t commenting on it.
About 30 mins pass and M29 asks me about the conversation as he hadn’t been there when it went down. I began to reiterate that this herb tastes soapy to me, smells bad etc, and again, this friend just blew up. She raised her voice, scolded me, cut me off and told me to stop talking about ‘bad smells’ around her cooking, and when I tried to tell her it was just about this herb and in no way did I mean her cooking, she shut me down again and just like the restaurant the whole room went quiet. I went outside because this time I could not hold back my tears and eventually M29 came out to ask me how I was and to tell me that her actions also made them uncomfortable, and it was uncalled for. The rest of the night was soured, she never apologised, and I went home early.
At one point she said I couldn’t make a joke and I thought it was because she thought I was making fun of her race (she’s white), and I agreed to back down because I could see how it could be taken that way, but she then responded with saying that it’s not okay to say as I’m not ‘as white passing’ (I’m half white), which really stung because I don't see why that was any of her business how 'white' she thought I was.
These are just a few events amongst others but I couldn’t let it continue, so I texted her and respectfully let her know that how she treated me wasn’t ok, and that if she had an issue with something I said then she should bring it up to me in a more respectful way without bringing other people into it or in a public setting. I didn’t in any way say that I think she was wrong for feeling offended, but I just asked her to be more respectful about bringing up boundaries.
Well, she basically told me that as I had treated her badly that she thinks her actions were warranted, and that it being her house meant that it wasn’t ‘in public’. She then said I have been commenting on her body (which is hypocritical because she consistently tells me to eat more and I have never said anything like that to her), but that it’s okay because I haven’t ‘fully matured’ and that I’m ‘still learning’. She also said that my feelings of having to bite my tongue in the same way she has recently is ‘ not comparable’ because I have been ‘disrespecting’ her boundaries not to talk about these topics with her.
But, in my eyes, neither of these conversations were even with her. They were with other people, and it was about my own weight and a herb.
I told our other friends this (M29, F30), and while they agree that she is treating me unfairly and that she should be less sensitive, they say I’m in the wrong too as ‘a boundary is a boundary no matter how silly it may seem to you.’ But personally I don’t agree; I feel like these particular boundaries are just insecurity projection masking as boundaries, and I don’t think it’s fair that I’m being told that I can’t talk about what is universally seen as arbitrary things with people that aren’t even her.
It feels like she is taking things I say to be about her when they’re not. She’s taking my miscommunications as malice when it really is just cultural (I am from a different country). I feel like I should be able to have conversations adjacent to her with other people without her policing the topics because she assumes I’m insulting her in some way. I feel she is being controlling and condescending.
I value her a lot as a friend and I always try to be understanding but it feels recently like I am sacrificing my dignity to keep the peace and she hasn’t done any introspection whatsoever.
So can boundaries be unreasonable, or am I the asshole for not just taking her boundaries at face value?

His ex sent me this message. Sorry it’s so long! Has anybody else gotten a similar message in the past? How did you react?
Message below: “It’s been over a year of me wondering whether I should just come out and ask you or message you… but being afraid that if I do, and I’m wrong, it’ll be a the biggest mistake of my life. I have begged and begged him to tell me what you are to him, and he denies having anything more than a platonic friendship with you.
I want to preface this message with, I have no ill will towards you, I just want some answers… answers I don’t believe I’m going to get from Jared. I don’t know if he’s mentioned anything about me. So here goes…
November 2022, I sent Jared an email, telling him I loved him, missed him, and though I didn’t require a response back, I wanted him to know how sorry I was for everything that had happened and things had ended. He responded with a lengthy email telling me he still fervently loved me and how he too was sorry for how things had ended. That email lead to the last year and a half of events.
December 2022, I drove down to Roanoke and surprised him at the Carilion garage. He left the hospital as fast as he could that night, and we spent the rest of that evening together, catching up, and he left for Key West two days later. Two weeks later, he came up to DC and we had a late birthday celebration for him at Clyde’s in Georgetown and went to see A Christmas Carol at the Ford Theater. A few weeks later we drove to Jersey to see Matchbox20, by now it was the end of January 2023. Almost every week off, for the last year, he would come up and see me, if even for only two days, or I would drive down to Roanoke and spend the week with him. We spoke about our past, the hurt, and future, he told me numerous times that when he pictured marriage and children, it was only with me, but he needed time. This part is important, and I’ll come back to it later. We celebrated my birthday at a restaurant in Navy Yard, two weeks before you guys left for London. Chris video chatted with that night while we were at the restaurant eating Wagyu, and they discussed the new shipment of sunglasses Chris had gotten for Miggieswear.
The weekend of the Super Bowl, he had come seen me earlier that week, the day after he left I came to Roanoke and left the day of the Super Bowl. He told me his parents were having a viewing party and he had to go home and cook. I’m now assuming he left my Airbnb and came to your place.
That February he planned a trip to London, with Nicole, Ryan and Chris, and what he told me were, Nicole’s “friends.” Nicole happened to post a picture of you guys sitting on the plane and I was shocked, why would Nicole’s friend be sitting between him and Ryan. I sent him a message while you were on that 6 hour flight, telling him that if he had been seeing somebody, then why didn’t he tell me? There was no point in us spending time together if he had moved on. His response to me was “do you even know what you’re looking at? I’m surprised you don’t recognize her, that’s Nicole’s friend. You’re jumping to a lot of conclusions right now and don’t know what you’re talking about.” Something in my gut didn’t believe it but I wanted to trust that, so I did. I put you out of sight, out of mind. When he got back, he told me how he wished I’d been there with him, we both love history and old buildings, it’s a place we would have found magical together. I don’t know who came up with the idea of going to London, but part of me always thinks I’m the one who put it there when I shared the pictures i had taken when I went there the year we had been no contact.
We went to a Kenny Chesney concert in Charlottesville that March when I got back from my family trip to India, and he got back from London. Between work, us both traveling with our families, we were excited to see one another. We were going to go to St Augustine, but because of the weather, we stayed in Roanoke and saw Kenny Chesney in Charlottesville. The original plan had been to spend the night in Charlottesville at a hotel, but we couldn’t get one last minute so we ended up driving back to Roanoke and sneaking into the basement at his parents house and sleeping in his bed at 3am.
A few months later, we went to Richmond, and stayed the weekend, exploring the city, and watched Hamilton at the Altria Theater. A few months after that, we went to Savannah and Atlanta, where he got a flat tire driving into the garage, and spent the rest of the weekend at a yoga retreat. July, he asked me to go to Boston with him and his brother, for 4th or July weekend, but I couldn’t because my siblings were in town. Every single week, he came down and either stayed with me, or made a quick trip to spend time with me…
This past September, I found out he took you to Justin’s wedding, and I broke. I needed more from him. I have known him, been intimate with him, shared my every fear, worry, I have brought him home cooked meals from DC and surprised him at work with dinner, I’ve made him care packages. I’ve made Ryan Easter baskets and sent him birthday presents and encouraged Jared to put him in academic classes, I’ve helped Jared look into private schools for Ryan, and weighed the pros and cons of the options. I had no expectations in return from him other than, at the very least, a mutual respect and HONESTY.
I’ve seen him quite a few times since September and I last saw him in Roanoke at the beginning of March 2024. We sat in front of each other, in his car before he went into work that Monday night, and he told me, again, that when he thinks of marriage and a future, I’m the only one he pictures a marriage and children with. I’m not saying this to hurt you, or to make a point, I’m saying it because i don’t know what to believe anymore.
I became suspicious of his relationship with you, when he mentioned going to Macchu Picchu and hiking through the mountains. As all women have the ability to find out details they might later regret, I did the same thing. Except I didn’t believe he had actually gone to Macchu Picchu. I knew his passport had been long expired since around or before COVID, and I knew he had renewed it before he went to London. But that was when I realized you were the girl in the photo that Nicole posted. When I confronted him about Macchu Picchu, he told me he had been joking and he had also already told me he’d been joking. He had NEVER told me it was a joke, he had actually refused to show me photos when I asked him for pictures from the trip… he had then proceeded to change the topic, which is what had even raised red flags in my head.
My point is, I have asked him point blank so many times whether you two have a relationship. You tell me you still love me, that you picture marriage and a family with me, but this girl is a part of your life, and you took her to a wedding with you, while I was on a trip with my siblings, you took her to London with you, and you continue to tell me she’s just a friend. I asked him again on Tuesday night/Wednesday Morning after he left work, if you two are dating, and he said no. He asked me why I’m so hyper-fixated on somebody who’s just a friend when he has a million other female friends.
In September, he told me he needed a month to clear his head, that he wanted to commit to me, but he was afraid and that he needed to get over the fear and roadblock of our past break up. I gave him grace and understood. So we took a 4 week break. Some time during that time period, he sent me a snap of doves, and said “doves, and swans mate for life.” He sent me Ed Sheeran songs telling me he wants to find his way back to me. “No Strings Attached… you are the one I love”
In November, he messaged me and told me he had a surprise for me and to look for something in the mail. He loves the Count of Monte Carlo, it’s one of his favorite movies, and he told me it was in reference to that. A few weeks later I got a candle, a silver 400 dollar Buddha candle from Thomson Ferrier. I didn’t understand the reference to the Count of Monte Carlo, but it was a beautiful gesture and present… especially because he knew how much little gestures from him mean to me.
Fast forward to January, I got another 350 dollar black skull candle from him, from Thomson Ferrier. At this point I was upset, angry and livid. I called my sister in tears that evening. I had come back to him because he told me he loved me, that he “has a fire that burns so deeply” when he thinks of me. If i had known that wasn’t true, i would have closed the chapter a year and a half ago. I don’t want $700 worth of gifts and candles, I want more. I want marriage, I want children, I want our lives to move forward, I want communication. Out of anger, I packed up the candle, his sweatshirts and clothes that he had left at my place this past year, and mailed them back to his house. I’m sure it’s sitting somewhere in his basement closet/ bedroom… along with his white Huq sweatshirt, a picture of us I had up in my house, and various articles of clothing.
What upsets me is that he didn’t just involve me this year, he involved my family. He sent my mom presents, my parents in return sent him gifts. My sister, parents and cousins messaged him asking him to come around more. There was no point in involving my family, if he was going to involve himself with you. There was no point in involving himself with me, if he was going to involve himself with you. Those leather Indian shoes sitting in his room, my dad bought those for him. That blue sweater, those green pants and that maroon shirt, my parents bought those for him just this last year.
I don’t know what he’s told you about me, but I will say this. I was your age when we started dating. I was 29 years old. He was single, that’s what everyone in our residency program thought. He would tell everyone how Shari left him one day, all of a sudden just got up and left. “I saw the look behind her eyes just change when she looked at me.” He would tell everyone his horrific dating stories. When i started dating him, there was no doubt in my mind he was single… but I was wrong. He wasn’t single, he was dating Devon, one of the nurses from Carilion, and he had been for the past 4 years prior to that. At one point when he moved to Norfolk, she had even moved in with him. Even Shari was visiting him in Norfolk during this time period. I would have never suspected it, nobody in our residency program did. It wasn’t until one day, when he told me his friends were visiting from home, and they were all going to a concert together, that I found out. Her profile picture was of the two of them together, and her Facebook relationship status said “in a relationship.” Out of my own naivety, i believed him when he told me she was crazy and obsessed with him. He told me, to him, they were just friends but she wanted more. Women do a lot of things, but no woman is dumb enough to think she’s your girlfriend when she’s not. When we moved back to our hometowns, Devon was there waiting for him. He disappeared one day for 24 hours, told me that he was helping his dad’s friend who was stranded in NC. A year and a half later, i would find out that was a lie and that he had been at a concert Florida Georgia Line concert with her. She had been visiting his grandmother with him, staying at his parents home. The irony is that a few weeks after he took her, he took me to the same concert in Scranton. Him and his family didn’t bat an eye when a month later, I showed up and was the “new girlfriend.”
Eventually Devon found out about his lies and left him, but again, stupid me thought she was a crazy girl who just wanted so badly to be with him, that she built their relationship up in her head.
Dignity, respect for humans, empathy, are the most important qualities in a human being.
What I don’t wish is for you to be in my spot in 5 years. He will paint you in his colors, make you fall in love with MB20, and take you to Augustana concerts, he’ll tell you that you understand him, and his heart in a way that nobody else does. He’ll bond with you over music, and send you songs that make you feel he’s talking about you. He is so good at making you feel seen, and involving you with his family. He’ll say he had a vision of a girl that looks like you, coming into his life, and here you are, his soul mate. And one day, the same way that Shari, Devon and I got lost in him, the reality of everything will come pouring down on you. Be careful, there are signs between the lines, and the smiles, and good times. Make sure you don’t miss those, whatever you decide.
My relationship with him, started off just like yours. Another girl on the periphery, and teetering the line of inappropriate. Everything you call him out on, will always have an excuse, and you will believe him because he’s the “good guy” who goes above and beyond for people.
I don’t wish for any woman to go through the pain I’ve gone through, the manipulation, the lies and the emotional abuse. I can’t tell you what to do, but I will say, be careful and don’t be blind to the small things that will one day become huge. The novelty will fade, and though Jared isn’t the devil, he has a lot of growing up to do at 40. It was not okay to toy with me and drag me through the mud this year. It wasn’t okay to minimize his relationship with you and lie to me about it. It’s not okay to, to this day claim to see a life with me and not commit to it. I deserve better, and you deserve better.
How men talk about their ex’s and other women is an indication about how they will one day talk about and treat you. That is the worst and best lesson i have learned. I’m 34, years of my life wasted, and he took another year of my life knowing full well, this is how it would end. He’s sat on the phone with me for hours talking about how stupid PA’s are and if you were going to not be a doctor, at least become an NP, who has better bedside knowledge. Why would he say that, because i suppose you’re a PA and it minimizes the significance of even having a relationship with somebody who isn’t as intelligent as he is. The lack of respect will always be there, you just have to look for it.
Dishonesty, and manipulation are a plague, and if that’s who you are at 40, it is who you will always be unless you recognize that something needs to change. Where there is no accountability, there can be no change. I’m not the exception, I’m the same as the two girls before me. He’ll show you text messages where he never responded to me, even though he replies on Snapchat where every thing is erased. I cannot believe i didn’t see the signs. He will make me look crazy and laugh at me, the same way he showed me messages from Jen, and Elisabeth, and Devon, and made them sound crazy to me. I guess that’s his MO. The same way he told me you were nothing to him.
I was going to send you this message, two months ago… i then decided not to because he convinced me he wasn’t dating you… I saw him less than a month ago in Roanoke, i begged him to tell me that he was in a relationship with you. He said he wasn’t, again, he told me he was going to a wedding alone with only Ryan and that he wasn’t taking you. I then begged him to tell me that we were done and that he didn’t love me anymore. His response was idk what’s going to happen a year from now, i know I’ll see you again. His response every time has been when im ready for a relationship, emotionally, do you want me to finally let you know? I don’t care to be with him anymore. I’m so over it but i really think you should know the type of person you’re dealing with.
He has put me through so much hell for a year and a half of my life, stringing me along acting like he’s doing me a favor while he works on his own mental health and claims to still love me when we are together.”
TLDR: my SO’s ex messaged me saying he’s been seeing both of us for the past year and a half. Has anybody experienced this before. She sent me pictures from the past year of them and their text exchanges

TLDR: My "mother" is a vile evil woman who has stolen from my grandma and nephew, committed crimes and exploited people, had me working at 15 to support the family while she did nothing, and lied to me so I wouldn't see my grandma on Mother's Day. I have a long post on my full story on another subreddit on my profile if you want more context.
My "mother" is a vile, awful person who has committed heinous and despicable acts. To make an extremely long story short, I grew up in an unstable household. My dad wasn't around and my mom was unwilling to work to support us. I was pawned off to my grandparents who lived with us, and they were more parents to me than my actual parents were. Everything my mom has done has been to fuel her ego, and as with many narcissists, to seek validation to reinforce her nonexistent identity outside external validation. She needs validation constantly on how young and beautiful she looks, how rich and great she is, and how she is an excellent and caring mom. Yet a good mother wouldn't have had me and my siblings and grandparents living in a former drug house infested with millions of roaches, rats, black mold, and on again off again running water and electricity. A good mom also wouldn't have sat around having parties and drinking while I, at 15 years of age and two senior citizens, broke our backs trying to sell and rent party supplies and carrying an 800 lb bounce house to customers that wanted to rent them. I worked at 15 like a Victorian boy instead of going to school trying to make ends meet because my parents wouldn't. My "mother" has done everything evil you can think of, from scamming and stealing from innocent people, catfishing other men (while with my stepdad), pretending to be my sister online for validation and money, forcing my sister to be a model and hook up with much older men for the promise of advancement (she was 17 and these men where in there 30s or older), spies on my widowed sister-in-law, had me living in deplorable conditions and having me eat old food infested with roaches and rat droppings, conducting illegal gambling business and money laundering, kept the fact that (some of) my siblings are adopted from them, baby trapped my stepdad, had little to no concern for my mental health and did not help or try to accommodate my sensory issues (I suspect I may have level 1 autism, mostly with sensory issues) and much, much, much more. I have been going to therapy and am currently doing emdr to undo the damage that my evil "mother" has done. She is a master of manipulation, love bombing, and buying people's love, loyalty, and affection. I, for the second time, have gone no contact with her.
Now that there's some context, my grandmother means everything to me. She lives in a convalescent home and my mom has control over her. I wanted to see her on Mother's Day. My mom asked if I was going to come to lunch. I said we were visiting my wife's mom, then coming to the house later at 5. She said that was not going to work because they were going to eat at 1. I said, OK well, if we can't do the restaurant, then take her to the house, so we can all visit her at 5. She said she couldn't do that, and why couldn't we just go to eat with them and then, IF there's time, we could go to my mother-in-law's house for a little bit. I said no, everything has been arranged already, and as usual you don't inform anyone of plans and expect everyone last second to cancel theirs and do yours. We were going to make my mother-in-law a priority, however, there was time for both. She got mad and said she would not be bringing my grandma to the house and I guess that was it. I said, well, I guess it is. On Mother's Day, I called my grandma, and she was upset and crying, asking why I hadn't seen her, and that she had come to visit the house. My mom took her to the house after lunch and didn't tell me. Neither did any of my other family. She said that she wanted to come back home and didn't want to live at the facility. She is fairly healthy and in reality, doesn't need to be at the facility. After talking to her, I confronted my mom and said that I explicitly told you that I wanted to see Grandma, and you said you were NOT bringing her to the house. You did bring her to the house and intentionally did not tell me. Because I did not bow down and follow your commands like everyone else, you deliberately orchestrated this, so I would not see her in an act of revenge to spite me. There was no reason you couldn't have called or texted and told me you were bringing her, especially after I told you I wanted to see her, even if it was at the last minute. It was an intentional act. She just said you are always talking shit about me. I told her it's not talking shit if it's true. She then hung up. This is what she does. If you don't follow the Führers command, bow at her feet, and tell her how wonderful and gracious she is, she will seek vengeance and do things to spite you, to bring glory for herself.
My grandma told me that my "mom" mistreats her, and is collecting pay from the government pretending to be her caretaker (when in reality my mom does absolutely nothing and has no job whatsoever. She dedicates her life to crime, fraud, and scams. She ran an underground casino with my stepdad and when they got busted my stepdad took the fall) but instead dumped her in a conversant home and does not care for her at all. Besides all that, my grandma also stated that she takes all of her social security money and keeps it. This is not surprising because my nephew, who is technically an orphan, having lost both parents recently, is under the custody of my horrible "mother" and he had some kind of inheritance left for him. When my "mother" discovered this, she swept in and wiped it clean. Her greed is deplorable. Wherever there is money, the Sheriff of Nottingham will do anything to get every last coin wherever she can get it. She even charges people $5 to use the washing machine. The most important thing to my "mother" is herself and her endless black hole of needing to be validated and praised, along with the endless black hole of greed. It is her entire identity. I am so enraged, and I can not let these things happen. When will my "mother" face consequences for her actions? She cannot continue to commit evil acts and not only get away with them but also prosper because of it. One of the worst parts, however, is that everyone, even if they have their problems with her, always goes along with what the dear leader says and continues to enable her by telling her she's a good mom and that they appreciate her. She needs to face consequences for her actions, but I don't know what to do. She can't continue to harm people and get away with it. I need help.

TLDR: My "mother" is a vile evil woman who has stolen from my grandma and nephew, committed crimes and exploited people, had me working at 15 to support the family while she did nothing, and lied to me so I wouldn't see my grandma on Mother's Day. I have a long post on my full story on another subreddit on my profile if you want more context.
My "mother" is a vile, awful person who has committed heinous and despicable acts. To make an extremely long story short, I grew up in an unstable household. My dad wasn't around and my mom was unwilling to work to support us. I was pawned off to my grandparents who lived with us, and they were more parents to me than my actual parents were. Everything my mom has done has been to fuel her ego, and as with many narcissists, to seek validation to reinforce her nonexistent identity outside external validation. She needs validation constantly on how young and beautiful she looks, how rich and great she is, and how she is an excellent and caring mom. Yet a good mother wouldn't have had me and my siblings and grandparents living in a former drug house infested with millions of roaches, rats, black mold, and on again off again running water and electricity. A good mom also wouldn't have sat around having parties and drinking while I, at 15 years of age and two senior citizens, broke our backs trying to sell and rent party supplies and carrying an 800 lb bounce house to customers that wanted to rent them. I worked at 15 like a Victorian boy instead of going to school trying to make ends meet because my parents wouldn't. My "mother" has done everything evil you can think of, from scamming and stealing from innocent people, catfishing other men (while with my stepdad), pretending to be my sister online for validation and money, forcing my sister to be a model and hook up with much older men for the promise of advancement (she was 17 and these men where in there 30s or older), spies on my widowed sister-in-law, had me living in deplorable conditions and having me eat old food infested with roaches and rat droppings, conducting illegal gambling business and money laundering, kept the fact that (some of) my siblings are adopted from them, baby trapped my stepdad, had little to no concern for my mental health and did not help or try to accommodate my sensory issues (I suspect I may have level 1 autism, mostly with sensory issues) and much, much, much more. I have been going to therapy and am currently doing emdr to undo the damage that my evil "mother" has done. She is a master of manipulation, love bombing, and buying people's love, loyalty, and affection. I, for the second time, have gone no contact with her.
Now that there's some context, my grandmother means everything to me. She lives in a convalescent home and my mom has control over her. I wanted to see her on Mother's Day. My mom asked if I was going to come to lunch. I said we were visiting my wife's mom, then coming to the house later at 5. She said that was not going to work because they were going to eat at 1. I said, OK well, if we can't do the restaurant, then take her to the house, so we can all visit her at 5. She said she couldn't do that, and why couldn't we just go to eat with them and then, IF there's time, we could go to my mother-in-law's house for a little bit. I said no, everything has been arranged already, and as usual you don't inform anyone of plans and expect everyone last second to cancel theirs and do yours. We were going to make my mother-in-law a priority, however, there was time for both. She got mad and said she would not be bringing my grandma to the house and I guess that was it. I said, well, I guess it is. On Mother's Day, I called my grandma, and she was upset and crying, asking why I hadn't seen her, and that she had come to visit the house. My mom took her to the house after lunch and didn't tell me. Neither did any of my other family. She said that she wanted to come back home and didn't want to live at the facility. She is fairly healthy and in reality, doesn't need to be at the facility. After talking to her, I confronted my mom and said that I explicitly told you that I wanted to see Grandma, and you said you were NOT bringing her to the house. You did bring her to the house and intentionally did not tell me. Because I did not bow down and follow your commands like everyone else, you deliberately orchestrated this, so I would not see her in an act of revenge to spite me. There was no reason you couldn't have called or texted and told me you were bringing her, especially after I told you I wanted to see her, even if it was at the last minute. It was an intentional act. She just said you are always talking shit about me. I told her it's not talking shit if it's true. She then hung up. This is what she does. If you don't follow the Führers command, bow at her feet, and tell her how wonderful and gracious she is, she will seek vengeance and do things to spite you, to bring glory for herself.
My grandma told me that my "mom" mistreats her, and is collecting pay from the government pretending to be her caretaker (when in reality my mom does absolutely nothing and has no job whatsoever. She dedicates her life to crime, fraud, and scams. She ran an underground casino with my stepdad and when they got busted my stepdad took the fall) but instead dumped her in a conversant home and does not care for her at all. Besides all that, my grandma also stated that she takes all of her social security money and keeps it. This is not surprising because my nephew, who is technically an orphan, having lost both parents recently, is under the custody of my horrible "mother" and he had some kind of inheritance left for him. When my "mother" discovered this, she swept in and wiped it clean. Her greed is deplorable. Wherever there is money, the Sheriff of Nottingham will do anything to get every last coin wherever she can get it. She even charges people $5 to use the washing machine. The most important thing to my "mother" is herself and her endless black hole of needing to be validated and praised, along with the endless black hole of greed. It is her entire identity. I am so enraged, and I can not let these things happen. When will my "mother" face consequences for her actions? She cannot continue to commit evil acts and not only get away with them but also prosper because of it. One of the worst parts, however, is that everyone, even if they have their problems with her, always goes along with what the dear leader says and continues to enable her by telling her she's a good mom and that they appreciate her. She needs to face consequences for her actions, but I don't know what to do. She can't continue to harm people and get away with it. I need help.

Ask me anything you want to know about these diploma mills and I'll do my best to answer. Below I've included some background and answers to some questions I'm anticipating. To avoid revealing my identity, I won't specify the mill, but I assure you this is a legitimate experience. Ask away.
Why did you quit? I worked in admissions. I couldnt take it anymore, going home with a guilty feeling that I'm contributing to the problem of mass immigration and, by extension, the housing crisis. So I quit. Despite struggling to find a job for 6 months before this, I felt like I had no choice. I had benefits, remote (hybrid) work, good pay, and healthy work/life balance, but this job might as well have been spitting in the faces of Canadians because it gave me the same feeling.
Is my institution aware that it's a diploma mill? Not at all. I even asked about it and everyone gave me the same or similar answers:

1. We are much smaller than the major universities like UofT and UBC etc. the xxxx number of students we bring in are inconsequential.
   
2. We are giving these young people a chance to better themselves. We are doing good for Canada. You should feel proud.
   
3. (From my Indian coworker): Without Indians, Canada would be nothing. You guys need us to make Canada better. It's a dying country without us because the population is so low and birth rates are declining and Canadians aren't ambitious enough to fill the high level jobs.
   
4. We can't survive without international students. They're our main source of income.
   
5. It's not your job to think about these things.
   

What kinds of students did you bring in? 100% of our most recent international intake was Indian. Normally, it's (roughly) 90% Indian, 9% Nigerian, and 1% someone from a different country. I'd estimate they're 75% male, 25% female, 0% non-binary (we do not have updated stats on gender so this is purely observation). International students make up about half of all our students and their proportion is increasing (historically, we had way more domestic students).
Why did you primarily bring in Indians? All the cheap overseas agents are Indian and they exclusively recruit in India. Every single one of our agents was Indian. I asked if we could diversify and my boss said "no money" and "the government is more likely to approve Indian permits so we shouldn't waste time with people from other countries."
Any fraudulent applications? I'd estimate anywhere from 25-50% of the applications from India are fraudulent. I often got people applying with flawless English proficiency scores but they'd use a translator to communicate with me. When I would speak to them directly they couldn't respond to basic questions after "how are you?" My boss demanded that I accept them anyway because we could get sued and checking for it's legitimacy was too costly.
Do they work? Yes. Every student I've admitted works as much as possible, primarily at nearby fast food restaurants, convenience stores, and for Ubetaxi services.
How much time do they spend in classes then? Fortunately, my institution requires attendance. Unfortunately, most courses are hybrid so we cannot verify that they are actually present. Even still, a full course load here (5 courses) requires less than ~20 hours per week of actual work because the institution wants to give students more time to work. This is absurd to me, as they are supposed to be students first and foremost. To be clear, all of this works out to them only coming in 2-3 times a week, depending on the student's schedules. Some professors have also reduced the homework to give them more time to work.
How are these students/applicants overall? I want to emphasize that I am pro responsible immigration (immigration levels that our infrastructure supports, with people who respect Canadian values and want to integrate and improve the country) but anti mass immigration. I will not respond to racist comments. This is not intended to be a racist response either.
Some things I've noticed about many (not all) of our students from the past year - they are very grateful to be in Canada - bathrooms are VERY dirty (I spend at least 15 minutes a day wiping up pee, cleaning up wrappers and paper towels, etc) [edit: since several have asked, my job requires me to work in many different areas, from admissions to recruiting to advising and counselling, but it does not require this cleaning. That's something I do by choice/necessity. Students can use staff bathrooms, and it gets pretty bad. We all chip in to make it manageable] - they want to go to the US after getting Canadian citizenship - they barely speak English despite all of my institution's classes being fully in English - they do not respect quiet rules, meaning a general expectation that people in halls should be quiet to respect those in offices and classrooms (although this could be said about any uni students) - I have recieved a notable increase in complaints from female domestic students of harassment from male international students
Please feel free to ask anything and everything! I'll try to respond as soon as I can

TLDR: My "mother" is a vile evil woman who has stolen from my grandma and nephew, committed crimes and exploited people, had me working at 15 to support the family while she did nothing, and lied to me so I wouldn't see my grandma on Mother's Day. I have a long post on my full story on another subreddit on my profile if you want more context.
My "mother" is a vile, awful person who has committed heinous and despicable acts. To make an extremely long story short, I grew up in an unstable household. My dad wasn't around and my mom was unwilling to work to support us. I was pawned off to my grandparents who lived with us, and they were more parents to me than my actual parents were. Everything my mom has done has been to fuel her ego, and as with many narcissists, to seek validation to reinforce her nonexistent identity outside external validation. She needs validation constantly on how young and beautiful she looks, how rich and great she is, and how she is an excellent and caring mom. Yet a good mother wouldn't have had me and my siblings and grandparents living in a former drug house infested with millions of roaches, rats, black mold, and on again off again running water and electricity. A good mom also wouldn't have sat around having parties and drinking while I, at 15 years of age and two senior citizens, broke our backs trying to sell and rent party supplies and carrying an 800 lb bounce house to customers that wanted to rent them. I worked at 15 like a Victorian boy instead of going to school trying to make ends meet because my parents wouldn't. My "mother" has done everything evil you can think of, from scamming and stealing from innocent people, catfishing other men (while with my stepdad), pretending to be my sister online for validation and money, forcing my sister to be a model and hook up with much older men for the promise of advancement (she was 17 and these men where in there 30s or older), spies on my widowed sister-in-law, had me living in deplorable conditions and having me eat old food infested with roaches and rat droppings, conducting illegal gambling business and money laundering, kept the fact that (some of) my siblings are adopted from them, baby trapped my stepdad, had little to no concern for my mental health and did not help or try to accommodate my sensory issues (I suspect I may have level 1 autism, mostly with sensory issues) and much, much, much more. I have been going to therapy and am currently doing emdr to undo the damage that my evil "mother" has done. She is a master of manipulation, love bombing, and buying people's love, loyalty, and affection. I, for the second time, have gone no contact with her.
Now that there's some context, my grandmother means everything to me. She lives in a convalescent home and my mom has control over her. I wanted to see her on Mother's Day. My mom asked if I was going to come to lunch. I said we were visiting my wife's mom, then coming to the house later at 5. She said that was not going to work because they were going to eat at 1. I said, OK well, if we can't do the restaurant, then take her to the house, so we can all visit her at 5. She said she couldn't do that, and why couldn't we just go to eat with them and then, IF there's time, we could go to my mother-in-law's house for a little bit. I said no, everything has been arranged already, and as usual you don't inform anyone of plans and expect everyone last second to cancel theirs and do yours. We were going to make my mother-in-law a priority, however, there was time for both. She got mad and said she would not be bringing my grandma to the house and I guess that was it. I said, well, I guess it is. On Mother's Day, I called my grandma, and she was upset and crying, asking why I hadn't seen her, and that she had come to visit the house. My mom took her to the house after lunch and didn't tell me. Neither did any of my other family. She said that she wanted to come back home and didn't want to live at the facility. She is fairly healthy and in reality, doesn't need to be at the facility. After talking to her, I confronted my mom and said that I explicitly told you that I wanted to see Grandma, and you said you were NOT bringing her to the house. You did bring her to the house and intentionally did not tell me. Because I did not bow down and follow your commands like everyone else, you deliberately orchestrated this, so I would not see her in an act of revenge to spite me. There was no reason you couldn't have called or texted and told me you were bringing her, especially after I told you I wanted to see her, even if it was at the last minute. It was an intentional act. She just said you are always talking shit about me. I told her it's not talking shit if it's true. She then hung up. This is what she does. If you don't follow the Führers command, bow at her feet, and tell her how wonderful and gracious she is, she will seek vengeance and do things to spite you, to bring glory for herself.
My grandma told me that my "mom" mistreats her, and is collecting pay from the government pretending to be her caretaker (when in reality my mom does absolutely nothing and has no job whatsoever. She dedicates her life to crime, fraud, and scams. She ran an underground casino with my stepdad and when they got busted my stepdad took the fall) but instead dumped her in a conversant home and does not care for her at all. Besides all that, my grandma also stated that she takes all of her social security money and keeps it. This is not surprising because my nephew, who is technically an orphan, having lost both parents recently, is under the custody of my horrible "mother" and he had some kind of inheritance left for him. When my "mother" discovered this, she swept in and wiped it clean. Her greed is deplorable. Wherever there is money, the Sheriff of Nottingham will do anything to get every last coin wherever she can get it. She even charges people $5 to use the washing machine. The most important thing to my "mother" is herself and her endless black hole of needing to be validated and praised, along with the endless black hole of greed. It is her entire identity. I am so enraged, and I can not let these things happen. When will my "mother" face consequences for her actions? She cannot continue to commit evil acts and not only get away with them but also prosper because of it. One of the worst parts, however, is that everyone, even if they have their problems with her, always goes along with what the dear leader says and continues to enable her by telling her she's a good mom and that they appreciate her. She needs to face consequences for her actions, but I don't know what to do. She can't continue to harm people and get away with it. I need help.

Yesterday, on Mother’s Day, we had a dinner at my house, very casual . I thought the day went wonderfully. Everyone had a good time and there was almost no food left. My sister was taking my mother a plate and as she was leaving, I said her son (who is 17) wasn’t there with our mother’s gift yet that he was picking up for us. The little get together started at 2, and at the time, it was 6. She tried to call him a few times and he never picked up. She said that was it, she was no longer getting him a car. I said, she was overreacting. She said no, she wasn’t getting him anything else. I guess to me, it wasn’t a big deal. That happens all the time at family get togethers. People say they’re going to come and they don’t or they show up late, no big deal. Plus I had already spoken to mama earlier and told her I would bring the gift on Monday, she was like no big deal. I truly feel like if I hadn’t said anything about him not being there, none of this mess would’ve happened, so I feel responsible.
When he got there, he told me that he and his friends went out and had to wait over 2 hours before they were even seated, then the food took forever. His phone went dead and he charged it at the restaurant. He also said he’d called his mom several times to let her know but she never picked up. Now before my sister left, we spent a few minutes looking for her phone, and it wound up being in the car, so I believed him when he said he tried to call her. Also, every time he walks in my house, the first thing he does is reach for the charger because his phone is dying. I told him don’t worry, it’ll be ok. Just apologize to your mom and tell her exactly what happened, she’ll understand.
We talked this morning and she was still fuming about the kid, and I just didn’t say anything because I still thought she was overreacting. But I thought she and I were good. I mean we were joking and laughing when we got off the phone. She gets off work and calls me and says “Don’t get mad but I need you to have my back sometimes.” We’ve had this conversation before and all I do is give my honest opinion. And there are many times I agree with her, but she only remembers if I disagree with her. I was really confused and before I got two words out, she hung up on me. I tried to call her back but she wouldn’t pick up. I really couldn’t believe she would do that became that’s something our mother does, and we’ve both said how unfair it is that she gets everything off her chest then won’t let the other person talk. I texted her and told her I love her and to please not block me and i also said I couldn’t stop crying because I couldn’t. She replied “I’m upset..my son made a commitment. U could have at least told him, you disappointed your mom. Live with the consequences. Learn how to say no or learn how not to commit. I don't want to speak right now.” Then she said she felt betrayed. I replied I felt blindsided. Her reply was “It pains me you don't understand or try to. Have a good night.” How can I understand, she’s not talking to me. I replied that she’s right, we don’t need to talk right now.
I feel like she’s not being fair. I told him to apologize, so I don’t feel like I took his “side” But if it’s just me and her talking, why am I not allowed to give an opinion? Let me also point out she’s my older sister who has no problem criticizing me. She made a couple of comments yesterday about how I should organize my home and I bit my tongue. And she knows one comment she made really pissed me off because we made eye contact and she tried to hug me after she said it.
Anyway AITAH?

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If so, under what terms?
TL;DR: Friend is 19 days away from an uncontested divorce being final, but soon to be ex-husband is threatening to get an attorney for, idk why, but technically they're both at fault by adultery because she's gone on 2 dates & hangs out at friends houses who are guys and her ex-husband has a girl who is a "friend" that is around constantly. So neither if them have actual proof of any sexual intercourse, but both of them have had the opportunity because people live in houses. No fault becomes an at fault, so what happens in these circumstances when both parties are at fault.
My best friend lives in TN and she has 19 days until it's final. However, her soon to be ex-husband has been continually harassing her, her friends, and doing a lot of things that it's to the point her attorney suggested this is sounding like he's spinning out because he can't control her anymore and she needs a TRO.
Her soon to be ex-husband, who has a woman "friend", is now threatening to hire an attorney after he has accused her of things that could turn this contested divorce into an uncontested divorce. From my understanding from Google would be adultery and addiction to drugs and or alcohol, both of which he claims he has evidence of (we're thinking her Mom hired a private investigator and he snapped photos of her sitting in a restaurant at a bar with a guy next to her that she either knew or a stranger she struck up a conversation with), but she did go on 2 dates with someone and he ghosted her after the 2nd date. Somehow her ex-husband knew this guys first and last name because he sent her a text asking if she knew him, said he heard she was dating him and was told he was a good guy. Now, they did kiss, but nothing else because she came to my house after the date and she was gushing over him. Afawk, he doesn't know they kissed and he's accused her of sleeping with 11 men. Besides our mutual male friends, we can't come up with 11 people and I know nothing has happened.
So, from what I also understand is apparently you don't need evidence of sexual intercourse, just the opportunity. Which would apply to both of them since she hangs out at our friend's house, or goes to hang out with an old friend, but not at their house. Her soon to be ex-husband is living in their house and she's renting a house next to me. No man has been in that house except one time to look for cameras in the bathroom because the landlord is twisted and we don't trust him, but I was there in the same room with them.
My question is if he gets an attorney, and turns the uncontested divorce into a contested divorce, then I guess they're both seen as committing adultery...so what happens if both parties are found to be at fault? Will the judge be like, "OMG, you two are ridiculous, grow up." and the original, uncontested agreement still stand or will this start the process all over again with a new agreement involving custody agreements, financial agreements, assets, etc.?
He's psychologically compromised and the post is already long enough and even the attorney is concerned enough to tell her to get a TRO then it's pretty bad.

About 2 years ago or so, I started dating my now fiancé. 5 months in, it was the holidays, and he had met my parents at thanksgiving. They loved him and everything is great on my end. I met his sister and she was pregnant, she was short with me and didn't really ask me much. When I asked him about it, he said shes pregnant probably tired. Christmas comes, my bf is invited to our Christmas, but he didn't invite me to his sister's house. So, the plan was we each spend Christmas eve with our own families, and he would join my family on Christmas day. 2 days before Christmas eve, my bf calls me and says my sister said to invite u over for Christmas eve. I said OK let me talk to my family because i already made plans with them and I'll get back to you.30 mins later, he calls saying they want to rescind the invitation because they remembered you're not vaccinated, and they don't want to put the baby at risk. i said no worries i understand. I thought to myself ok either her or her husband will reach out to be like sorry you know; we'd love to have you but the baby blabla. nothing. Mind you, they were taking the baby to wineries, restaurants, etc.. I was hurt as anyone else would be that they didnt give me the common courtesy of saying hey sorry. Even my then bf told them, and they said they have nothing to apologize for because my bf is the one who invited and uninvited me. They even went on to say that I should apologize for prioritizing a stupid dinner over the safety of the baby, called me narcissist, insecure and selfish. I obv didn't like them after that but I was always respectful, and had my bf handle the matter as any man should. they unfollowed me on insta, unfriended me on fb and still stalked me and told my bf I was posting on social media jabs at them and told him to open his eyes to who i truly am and all that. Like if i know you dont follow me, why would i post about you? Throughout those 2 years, we invited them over for watching football games, parties, holidays, they never came. I even threw a surprise party for my bf when he got a new job, and she didn't come because she had plans with her friends. Anyway, on multiple occasions, she would tell him indirectly that he shouldn't be with me and that im not good for him. Here comes the baby's first bday, we are there and one of her friends asked if the party was good birth control for us and i laughed and said yes lol. This topic came up again a couple months later where i said that i wouldnt want to start having kids at 35 like when im older i wanna have them soon. she got offended and felt i was calling her old and unfit to be a mom because she is 34. I didn't mean it at all that way specially that my fiancé is like 2 years younger than her. One major issue is that whenever any family member is in town, she makes all the plans and just tells us when and where, if we dont like it we don't have to go. its always like "we are going to xx at this time if you guys wanna come". I work till 5-515 every day, she wants to go to dinner at 530 because the baby sleeps at 7. she wants me to drive separately from my fiancé and meet with them 30-45 mins (that's how long my commute is) after so they could leave on time. Anytime we push back that we want more time so I could go home, shower, get out of my blood-filled scrubs before I go to dinner, she has a meltdown. Saying I need to get over myself and that I am putting my need to be chauffeured to dinner over the baby's needs. Every time we say it's the last time and we accommodate them, but they never care about what we want. Fast forward to 2 months ago, my then bf calls her to say hey I bought a ring and I'm so excited to propose, she was not thrilled, asked him how he knows we are ready, and if he is sure this is what he wants, and acts like she needs to get off the phone. Whatever. He proposes, we call them to share the news, and she goes aww congratulations, funny thing my husband proposed to me yesterday about 10 years ago too. We laughed whatever and went on calling other family members to share the news. 15 min after that call they post pictures of their proposal on social media on our engagement day. they've been married or like 10 years now. I'm like??? We are having an engagement party to celebrate, and family members are coming from out of town, tried to make dinner plans at 6, and they lost their minds, to a point trying to convince my fiancé i am the problem and that he should check me, or leave me A WEEK BEFORE THE ENGAGEMENT PARTY. When i found out they were mad about the kids and birth control comments i texted and apologized that same night but crickets. She still hasnt reached out to me to apologize for anything shes done those past 2 years and i dont know how to move on and create a healthy family dynamic where i can keep my sanity. please share some advice if you can.

Content Warning:Mentions of Child Abuse & Gore
They called me a colic baby, meaning I was a seemingly healthy baby that was distressed for an unknown reason. The fits of crying mostly dissipated by six months, but they'd crop up every now and then into toddler-hood. When I became capable of babbling a few words, I would summarize my pain in a few words: belly hurt. Belly HURT!
My parents didn't have much money, but they took me to the doctor for a checkup anyway. After running a physical exam and blood test, they determined that I was merely an excessively gassy little girl and should probably eat a more gut-friendly diet. They also prescribed some medicine which would eliminate the gas and relieve my pain.
It was from that moment on that my parents gave me the nickname "Gas Girl" (which I despised). The name stuck for several years, and anytime I'd get a little stomach ache my mom or dad would say, "uh, oh. It's not Gas Girl returning, is it?" I'd glare at them with my arms folded and pout, saying, "I'm not Gas Girl. I'm Wonder Girl!" My parents would share a look, then burst out laughing. Just as I was about to shout a retort, my dad would open up his arms and bend down in that familiar pose which signaled liftoff, and all my childish rage detached like a racing sticker as I leaped into my dad's arms and he flew me around the living room shouting "Who is it? It's Wonder-girl! Here to save the day from Gas Girl!"
Anyway, just as the nickname wore off, the pain returned. I was about 7 or 8 when I had my first big episode. I was in second grade, and the class was cutting out shapes. The pain came on so suddenly I remember lurching back and falling out of my seat. The next few hours were a blur of adults: my teacher, the nurses, the principal, my parents. I remember how cold and alone I felt despite being surrounded by grown ups, and my stomach hurt so much I was crying pretty much nonstop.
My dad bought a bunch of OTC medicine to try and settle what he thought was a really bad gas episode. My mom laid at the side of my bed and did bicycles in the air with me. Hours passed in pain as my adolescent imagination conjured up images of an evil little elf blowing thousands of bubbles in my belly. I consciously pictured myself popping them, but every time I did, more were blown. My dad scheduled a doctor's appointment for the next morning, and my mom stayed at my side until I was able to fall asleep sometime late in the night.
I dreamed vividly a horrific nightmare. I was strapped to a black, metal box. A surgeon donning blue scrubs with white gloves and a mask entered the space in my peripheral vision. The air was cold but crisp, as if every bit of dust had been scrubbed out of existence. I could feel my breathing, my heartbeat, even my skin. The doctor stepped forward and I could see the distortion of a smirk in the folds of his mask. I expected him to say something, to tell me what he wanted, but instead he lifted my shirt so my belly was exposed. "It's cold", I said in a mumbly voice. He lifted his hand in the air, and I saw behind it off in the back of the room was what looked like the glass wall of an aquarium. I was confused for a second, but only a second. The surgeon plunged his hand into my stomach like a spear, splitting through the flesh as if it were the skin of a ripe fruit. The previously silent man began to cackle like a maniacal villain as I nearly passed out from the pain. I felt his fingers swimming through my guts like parasitic worms. My body shook as cold sweat and blood began to ooze from my pores. I wanted to scream but I couldn't make a sound. I could only lay there, paralyzed, as the evil doctor explored my insides.
Somehow I lost consciousness in the dream, but when I woke up, the memory came flooding back, and I screamed with all the force of a thunderstorm. My parents skipped the appointment and rushed me to immediate care, but by the time we arrived, the pain was gone. I explained my dream to the doctor, but he said it was normal to dream up reasons for the pain. They recommended a CT scan to screen out the possibility of an ulcer or internal bleeding. Despite my parents' scarce savings, they agreed to run the test. However, something deeply entrenched in my mind thought of the dream with the surgeon and I protested. "I don't want a test!" I screamed. "But, honey, how are we going to know what's wrong?" replied my mom. "Nothing's wrong now. I don't want a test."
Looking back now on my persistence, it should have been obvious that there was something wrong with me, but my parents, who were thinking of their finances, allowed themselves to acquiesce to my demands. The pain would continue into and throughout my teenage years, and the one benefit that I can credit to it was that it taught me how to endure pain and hide it well before puberty started. Compared to my childhood cramps, period cramps were around a B+. Very bad, but not end of the world bad. However, they'd stick around more reliably, and eventually the two began to combine until I could no longer discern between them. Occasionally I would have a nightmare and wake up with a pain that was a little higher in my stomach, almost approaching my chest, but it would always disappear by breakfast time, and the chaos of a teenage girl's life would once again reassert itself in the form of an outfit that didn't look quite right or the memory of every word of a conversation with a guy I liked or how my teacher was out to get me. Basically, I had become normal.
And then two weeks after I turned 16, my dad passed away from heart failure. Apparently the stress from a paycheck-to-paycheck life in sales added onto a bad diet and a penchant for alcohol was a recipe for disaster. He was only 49. I was crushed.
The weeks and months following his funeral were filled with teenage anger and resentment. I directed most of it at my mom, who I held accountable for not being strong enough to step up and help with the bills. One day, when I was searching the drug cabinet for some painkillers to deal with some bad cramping, I noticed a new prescription for a drug with a really long name. I looked it up. It was an antidepressant. From that moment on I stopped giving my mom shit, but I grew a bit distant from her. I started spending a lot more time with my friends. I became reckless, adopting a drinking habit and unsafe sex practices. I smoked a bit but I didn't really like it. I guess I was just trying to find a way to move on, as naive as it was.
Fast forward to my present situation, and I'm a college student. A junior to be exact. I ended up scrounging up enough money from working two restaurant jobs to see a therapist on my own dime, and managed to make peace with my mom before leaving. We both talked out all of our trauma and cried together, and from that moment on, I haven't had a drink. About six months ago I got on the pill. I was starting to see one guy consistently and I wanted to be safe, but also I wanted to know what it felt like to not have stomach cramps anymore. It was freeing. I remembered my dad lifting me up into the air as a child, and I figured it kinda felt like that. I still cry thinking about him, although I don't let anyone see.
Anyway, about a week ago I started having really bad pain again, but this time it was in my chest. I would wake up in my apartment (I share a 3-bedroom with some friends from the college) with heart palpitations. My heart felt like a snake had wrapped around it and was trying to choke it out. The pressure would give way to a burst of fast ba-dum's, then settle, then start again. I remembered my dad's prognosis and started to get really scared, so I scheduled an appointment with the on-campus doctor for the next day through the online health platform.
They told me that chest pain is no joke and scheduled to have me scanned at a nearby hospital. This was four days ago. My boyfriend, Kevin, drove me there even though I said I'd be fine going alone. I think I already knew our relationship wasn't going to work out long term, so I was kind of checked out. I felt bad about it though because Kev is actually a really good person, but our personalities just don't match. He's very introverted and doesn't like to go out, whereas I thrive in group settings. Anyway, he drove me and I ended up getting an X-ray. The doc came in to share the results and I was immediately put off by the dubious expression on his face.
"What do you mean the images are blurry?" I asked.
"Well, it's just… that. They're blurry. It's very unusual for this to happen unless you have a pacemaker or some other device implanted. Do you know if you have something like that?"
"No, never," I said with a quaver in my voice. For some reason I thought back on my childhood dream with the surgeon and felt the urge to vomit.
"Well, let's run a CT scan and see if we can make anything out." He soothed.
Normally the CT and MRI dock was booked for a week out but the doctor happened to have an open space for me that same morning, so I waited about an hour and then got in the big tube machine that took pictures of my chest and abdomen. He said he should have the results by Thursday. That was Yesterday.
I was driving onto campus for my 9AM class when I got the call.
"Hello, this is Dr. **** calling for Josie **** ." (names redacted for privacy reasons)
"Oh, yes, this is Josie," I said and fit the phone between my shoulder and ear as I tried to find a comfortable posture."
"Yes, hello," the male doctor said in grave way which made me feel like this wasn't going to be a short call. "I wanted to see if you were available to come in today for some more tests."
"More tests?" I asked. "What about the first ones?" Images of blocked heart valves and cancer presented themselves on my mental screen.
"Yes, well, I wanted to discuss the results with you in person. There was a bit of a … well, an inconsistency, and I didn't want to upset you—"
"Upset me!?" I blurted, my free hand flying out over the steering wheel, swerving my car toward the curb. I corrected, then lowered my voice, "sorry, I don't mean to be …" be, what? This is completely absurd. "Could you at least give me some indication of what's wrong with me? I'm just kind of panicking here."
The doctor was quiet for a moment, then returned. "Sorry, Josie, I didn't mean to spook you. Both the X-ray scan and CT scan are picking up interference which is unusual. It's possible it's just a flaw on our end, so that's why we wanted you to come back in—to do an MRI and really verify what the issue is. This one would be free of charge and we'd get you results same-day as we feel bad about the issues with the machinery. Do you think that would be possible?"
I took a deep breath. I still felt uneasy, but at least now there was some kind of explanation I could lean on. "Okay, yeah, I can come in. I have class until 9:50AM, but I can drive over after and be there around 10:15, 10:20-ish. Would that work?"
"That would work great. We'll see you then."
I spent the whole of my communications class thinking about what could be wrong with me, doodling my ideas down on a notebook. Heart disease. Cancer. Some kind of peptic ulcer. Maybe it was the pill? The drinking? Was this some kind of cosmic retribution? I didn't know.
An hour later I was back at the hospital. I expected to be ushered into the MRI prep room, but instead I found myself in one of the normal patient rooms, sitting upright on a bed. The nurse did the preliminary height and weight measurements and medical history. I asked about the MRI, but all she said was that the doctor will discuss that with me. Before she left, she handed me an assessment to fill out. It seemed to be a list of questions about the medical history of my family, specifically about our mental health. Does your family have a history of Schizophrenia? Have there been any instances of domestic abuse? Did you have vivid nightmares as a child? Etc. I marked the boxes, then set the clipboard down.
At last I heard the fated knock on the door, and my doctor came in holding an Ipad. The door was only open for maybe a couple seconds, but I could see multiple nurses and technicians peeking their heads in my direction, as if they were trying to catch a glimpse of me. That can't be good.
"Hello, Josie," the doctor said and clicked on the little TV screen. He didn't even look at me. I could see dried sweat along his hairline.
"What's happening? I thought I was going to get an MRI…"
"Well, actually we aren't sure if that's the best course of action." the doctor said as he clicked the screen and pulled up a series of images.
"Can you look at me, please?" I snapped.
The doctor raised his head and tilted it in my direction. His mouth was agape, his eyes wide as if only realizing I was here at that moment. "I'm sorry, Josie." He took a deep breath, preparing some kind of canned presentation, then let it out and said, "It's just easier if I show you." He pulled up the first global image from what I presume was my CT scan. It was a front-shot. I could see my organs as little geometric shapes and—
"Wait, what is that?" I asked, pointing at the screen.
"That—is the problem."
I spent the next minute just staring at it. Somehow, in between all of the organs, there was some kind of cylindrical mass—I thought it was my spine at first but quickly realized it was too wide and there weren't any vertebrae—and at the head of the mass was, very clearly, a hand.
"What the fuck is that" I said in a tone that was at once forceful and pointed.
"It appears," the doctor started, looking away again. "It appears that there is a mechanical hand in your chest cavity. It's attached to a piece of a forearm that begins at your stomach, here," he pointed, "and continues up until, well, it appears to be holding your heart."
Ten seconds passed in silence. Then I was hit with the equivalent of the laughing gas they give you at the Dentist's office. All the blood in my body surged to my forehead and I felt light as the very thin hospital air. "Hahaha!!! You expect me to believe that? What kind of fucking clown-show hospital is this? Am I at the circus?' I stood up and started toward the door. The doctor body blocked me.
"Please, Josie, that isn't it."
"Oh?" I said sarcastically. "Please, do tell."
"Could you have—oh, okay, okay,, let me explain."
I stood there with my arms folded, unrelenting.
"When we first had you do the X-ray there was a big blur. It was clear that something was blocking us from seeing the image. The CT scan was able to take some actual pictures of it. I know it seems, well, unusual—"
"Wait, what the hell is that?" I asked, gesturing toward the clipboard.
"What?" The doctor looked disoriented.
"Those questions. Are you trying to insinuate that my mom and dad implanted some kind of mechanical hand in my body?"
"No," the doctor raised his hands. "We were just trying to gather some more information… Josie," the doctor said as I once again headed for the door handle. "Please, there's more. From the blood test we conducted it seems that you're pregnant."
I was so done. "I'm on the pill, asshole." I sneered and swung the door open, ignoring the sets of eyes trained on me as I scurried to the end of the hall, ran outside, and climbed into my car. I expected to see a bunch of people in white coats running after me, but there was no one. I started the car as tears began to stream from my eyes. Fuck them, I thought and sped out of the parking lot.
I couldn't return to my apartment. I ended up driving for hours, working my way back to my hometown. I spent a long time thinking about all the things I had experienced growing up. The stomach pain, slowly working its way up to my chest. The vivid dream of the surgeon feeling around my guts. Was it really that crazy to think my body was trying to tell me something? Why had I decided against having a CT scan all those years ago? Why now? I didn't—couldn't believe what was happening to me. But was that just because I didn't want to believe it?
And then there was the pregnancy. I was definitely on the pill. I knew it wasn't Kev's, or at least I was pretty sure it wasn't. We haven't been having sex for a little over a month now. But did that mean that something else didn't impregnate me? My paranoia was at its peak. I considered the possibility that maybe it was me that was Schizophrenic. None of this made any sense. I wanted my dad. I missed him. I considered going to see my mom, but despite making up with her, I still didn't feel close enough to her to own up to everything. I wanted to be alone—needed to be alone.
I ended up getting a Motel about 10 minutes away from my house. It was around 1AM when I finally opened the door to my room and laid down on the bed. After hours of thinking, a single thought occurred to me like a kind of defense mechanism: if I really am pregnant, I'm not keeping the baby. I want it out.
Just as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard the notification sound go off on my phone, which was odd since I was sure I had set it to vibrate. I turned and grabbed it, unplugging it from its charging dock. I had received a text message from an unknown, 5-digit number: 66669. This is what it said.
66669: If you terminate my baby, I will crush your heart.
***
I haven't been able to sleep since. It's now 6AM and I've drafted this as a cry for help. Please, let me know what you think I should do. I'm too "in it" to see the details clearly. I feel alone and scared and paranoid. Someone or something is watching me. Maybe it has been my whole life.

Posting to help myself process the climb and provide thoughts for others thinking about Denali unguided on minimal experience. Open to thoughts and critique from people who know what they're doing. I'm obliged to thank all those who provided their thoughts and guidance to me on this subreddit a year ago. Also, to the guidance from Steve House and the other guy in their YouTube Denali video.
TLDR: Did not summit, learned lots.
It was a great idea... We trained pretty hard in the flatlands... We bought lots of good gear... and some not so good..... We were optimistic.....And realistic, we thought....
But... man, oh man. Denali is BIG, Alaska is BIG. And Talkeetna felt very small after 24 hours.
First alert was assembling our food. We drop shipped almost all the food to our hotel in Anchorage. We got in about 9pm, got everything from the desk and walked over to Wal Mart for the rest. Started packing food into daily rations about 10pm. We thought that would take 30 minutes. Try close to four hours, confusion, second guessing ourselves and each other on quantities, days, recipes. Got to sleep much later than we thought. We both worried that we'd be tired, maybe too tired for when we were dropped off on the glacier the next afternoon. HAH!!
Met Gary the shuttle driver the next morning. Watch some other TRs on YouTube and you'll get to know Gary, friendly, outgoing with good info about Talkeetna. We arrive on time, go through check in and somehow we got bumped out of our Ranger meeting. Come back later and we'll still have time to get to our flight. Did I mention it's overcast with light rain? Go through the ranger meeting, head over to TAT to find that we're 76th and 77th on the waitlist with. "Come back tomorrow at 8am for an update." Two guys we met on the shuttle actually make the plane that day because they understood the process with TAT and were all set to go after the Ranger meeting. Guy at TAT checks us in and takes our $$. No other info is offered or asked for. We're aware we need sleds and wands but we guess they just go on the plane with us.
We find the TAT climbing hostel and are grateful to find two bunks in the same room. My buddy is, not germophobic, but he is right up to that line. We eat at a restaurant that night, figuring, hey, 7 climbers per flight, 11 flights, mid afternoon tomorrow right? We check in at TAT at 8am, they're making waffles and have actually great coffee. But they have no idea if there'll be any flights today. Wander back and forth from the hostel, through town to the airfield. This is day 2 of 16 days we've given ourselves to go up. At day 16, no matter where we are, we go down.
Day 3, repeat day 2 but now we're using the hostel kitchen. I'm cool with the level of hygiene because this is only a level or two beyond how I grew up, when things got chaotic. I'm impressed with my buddy's fortitude, and grateful because I don't want to pay for food when it's already been bought. We hear good news that afternoon about the weather. Buddy suggests we get an AirBnB for this night to get a good nights sleep and clean shower before we likely fly out the next day.
Day 4, the weather starts to clear and now there's real activity at the airfield. My buddy, who doesn't sit still well, joins a group of workers at the airfield digging a trench. I sit on the deck, breathing deeply and hoping we can get out today. Then we get word we're up soon. Then I ask, hey what about sleds and wands? Find out climbers should get this arranged right after check in and we scramble around getting this set up. I grab a sled without looking it over well. As we and our gear are being driven over, I see this sled has some serious cracks and swap for a better one 10 minutes before we fly out.
The flight up is amazing. The transition on the glacier is hectic, a short controversy about which mountain can belongs to who and we get off the landing strip quick. We find a spot to set our tent a fair ways up the hill and get to work melting water for dinner and the next day. Take my skis out in order to prep for tomorrow and find the front straps of my skins have torn and are irreparable. I walk around camp, find a guy who's leaving who sells me his skins for $50. Can't believe how lucky I am. I walk around and get pictures, bury, wand and gps tag our cache. I'm blown away, I'm alive in a way I've only experienced a few other times in my life. I'm excited to get going in the wee hours of day 5. Plenty of days left, right?
Get up and going on time. Feels so good to be hauling the sled, carrying the pack. Going down is helpful. Going on flat and climbing isn't bad. I am working harder than my buddy(MB) from here on. He's 20 years younger and places top 5 in regional ultras, I'm a caboose guy at these. Anyhow, I feel like I'm holding him up, like he's disappointed in our pace. We arrive at 8K camp 8 hours later. MB points out that successful groups do this in 6hrs. I'm reply I'm working at a pace that I believe gets me to 14K in good shape, and what else did you want to do today? Ends fine, we each accept where the other one's at. Set up camp, Denali Pizza (simple and awesome) for dinner. Melt water, pull out the gear, food we'll cache at about 9.5K tomorrow. Good day, amazing as clouds lift a bit and we see more terrain.
Day 6, realize we're not eating 2 bagels each per day. We've over planned with bagels and several other foods. Too much weight but unsure about how to move things around. Lighter packs, lighter sleds and the first real climb. We do good work, talk a bit to teams coming down, most not having summitted. Bury, wand and GPS tag our cache. Tie empty sleds to our packs and head down. When we get to the real down hill, it's trashy, flat light, and I'll own this: I was rattled being off balance with a bit more weight and bulk going down. Got in my head and took some time to descend. MB frustrated or just me in my head? Got back down, did camp work, napped, ate dinner.
Day 7, push up to 11K. Snow picking up and visibility still good. I'm slower than MB again, and even though this is a fact we're both well aware of since we talked about Denali 3 years ago, it's in my head and won't leave that I'm holding us back. We start up the first real climb into 11 camp. Wind blown snow is making wands hard to see, we're using his Garmin to verify the route. The skins I bought at the airfield don't cover the width of my skis at the tips and tails. As we're taking an aggressive elevation gain on switchbacks, I'm slipping more and more with less skin to snow contact. We crest the rise and hike through the camp to find a spot at the uphill end. We begin setting up camp. I mention looking forward to having a kitchen tent now that we'll be in the same place for 3 days. MB basically says, go ahead but I don't think we need that and I won't be part of digging it out or setting it up. I get started probing an area, setting the outline of the dig and then realize this will take me hours and give up. Dinner, melt water, discuss tomorrow's back hauling. I propose we boot down from 11 camp and put skis on at the base of the climb and MB seems okay with it.
Day 8, wake up to heavy snow. Dig out our enclosure and have breakfast. Put more food we didn't eat into the "carry forward bag" which is getting heavier by the meal. Dig out again, and again, and again. Mid-afternoon we start getting weather reports through garmin in-reach texts with a guy back home and from other teams and guides. Consensus in 6 more days of this but up to 48" per day. I run the math: 8+6=14. Hmmm: 16-14=2. Then I run the flights per day math and number of teams we've seen descending, number of teams likely to descend with this forecast. My math says we could be stuck here 6 days and at the airfield for that or more. All for 2 more possible days of ascent. MB disagrees and wants to wait it out. We walk through various scenarios and I hold firm. MB agrees we'll go down because we both agreed if one wanted to go down for any reason, that was that. MB is a guy who holds to his word in this and all aspects of life.
We pack up. Fast...and sloppy. We want to fly out tomorrow. I'm not excited anymore, I'm anxious and want off Denali. Not be in a tent for two weeks in snow. We boot down the hill below 11 camp, put on skis and find our cache at 9.5, combine stuff. I get my stuff packed well. We start down. The track is blown in and we are navigating entirely by Garmin, using the standard route. Not reversing our climb up, which followed the visible track and wands. Are we actually on safe snow? We're both thinking that question but not saying it out loud. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I'm in front setting the track so MB's sled has something to ride in. If he's in front, his sled tips over. He's calling directions to me for the route, "Left...more left...rightish... too far."
We head down the last hill into 8 camp. I allow my sled to be in front of me and steer it like reins on a horse. Snow plow, keep it slow and things are moving along fine for me. MB wipes out over and over. Repacks his sled and gets down the last 200 yards well. We ski right through 8 camp. Someone asks if we're headed down and then says that if we call in to the airfield from there, we're already in line. True or not, we're finishing this in one push. Visibility is still about 15 feet but now we have a track to follow. We're both cautious with the downs. Don't know if we need to let it rip to go up again or if there's a corner we need to be slow for. We get to the airfield in 9.5 hours. Dig up our cache and consolidate our gear.
MB decides he'd rather not cowboy camp with the fly and we set up the tent and go to sleep. Up at the appointed hour and get in the flight queue. The guy says he'll give us plenty of notice so we can take down our tent, IF we fly out today. I am now watching every cloud for signs of building or diminishing. A few planes fly in, circle and leave. We're napping on and off.
Then I hear the guy yelling, "that's your plane". It's being loaded. We're 200 yards away in our fully set up tent, pads and bags. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK. I go down and ask "what happened?" "I don't know, two guys snaked your flight." Talk a bit more about other stuff, what he's been reading, we're into some similar literature. He then guarantees we'll be on the next flight that comes in, whether today or tomorrow. I'm listening for airplanes full on now, just want to get down and be off the mountain.
We do get on a flight that day, get a hotel and move flights and shuttle to fly out of Anchorage tomorrow. I walk down by the river and call my wife. "Honey, this will sound weird, I need you to tell me I'm really off the mountain and not dreaming." This helps a lot.
We make all our connections and fly out, get back home the next day. If you got this far, thanks, I guess. It's cathartic to write all this down. I replay this trip or parts of it every couple weeks even now. MB and I did our repair work and still call, text, hang out, run together when I'm in town. I do not regret going one bit, yet not getting further up still hits me hard. My fears and reaction to niggling discomforts on the mountain tell me I'm weak.
If I did it again:

1. No skis on Denali for me. I'm a competent skier and can get down serious stuff out west without embarrassing myself. A pack and a sled skiing down through crud with low visibility? Snow shoes all...the...way.
   
2. 4 people, not two. Enough guys to set up a kitchen tent, split camp duties into smaller tasks. I need a place to spread out, talk, cook and eat in a comfortable position.
   

2A. Allow way more time, a month total.

1. Better conversations about pace and relative speed well before the trip.
   
2. We did ropes work, simulated crevasse rescue, camped out in -10F. More time winter camping and skinning in the woods together.
   
3. MB and I climbed Mt Adams. We summitted Rainier together unguided in 8/2022. Took a 3 day custom guided mountaineering class in 12/2021 to learn skills. Didn't go above 7K in the class. Handled our shit well for two days. Not enough time to really know what we're in for physically and work through team frictions about pace, leisure time, camp life. Maybe we could have climbed Rainier and Baker on the same trip? Maybe spend several days at Camp Muir and summit twice? Climb Rainier early season?
   
4. Guided if I try again? Maybe.
   

I read this back and the inner critic says, "I'm a whiny bitch", just like when I am thinking about it every couple weeks. If I go back it can't be about that, not trying to prove that voice wrong. If I go back...it'll be because of that alive feeling I got on the airfield glacier, to have it again, to avail myself of a second chance to live a dream.
Thanks for reading all this. Part confessional, part TR.
I feel better.

My restaurant closed down for renovations a month ago and I was desperate so I took a job at a no tipping establishment while I wait for my place to reopen.
While it prides itself as a no tipping establishment it actually just added 18% onto the menu price. Some places adds a service fee instead of a tip. Based on my research, owners can't take tips away from servers but if they relabel it as a service fee or bake it into the price of the menu this allows them to reroute the money from servers to them.
So basically the place I'm working at is taking our tips away . . . but maybe the money is redistributed to the rest of the staff. ABSOLUTELY not. The entire front of house staff make 6 dollars less an hour. Servers make 10-12 less. Maybe it went to the back of the house? Nope. They make the same as any other place.
What's more wild is that my old restaurant is actually CHEAPER after tip and the whole entire staff made more. Like hello? Make this make sense. How is a more expensive place paying their staff less than a cheaper establishment? Where is the extra 18% they added to the prices of the menu going?
Welp, the answer is they are about to open their 4th location. So anti-tippers are still tipping; just the owners instead of the staff that actually did the work. Wish there was a way to get the word out but this is the only subreddit I know of to tell it to.