Vedio perineal massage

I am 29 weeks with our first baby and I am beyond anxious about labor and delivery, especially if I end up tearing. Has anyone ever tried using the Frida Mom Perineal Massage Wand before, or something similar? If so, did you find it helped?

I really like the PT I saw today but it was kind of a blur now that I’m home tbh. I have perineal/rectal/scrotal pain and when she pressed around on my piriformis and obturator areas she definitely hit the tight spots. She gave me some exercises, sitting on a tennis ball, rolling, etc. I wanted to just keep getting the areas massaged because it felt like it was releasing when she was doing it. Haven’t been able to reproduce it at home though by myself. Anyone with similar symptoms and did anything else, exercises or otherwise help?

So I recently came across the topic of perineal massages before birth… is this a real thing that helps with birth? Also… the logic of doing it confuses me because I can hardly see anything and or really reach easily down there to do it so I’m just a bit confused how that’s supposed to happen (although I haven’t tried). Thanks!

Basically just what the title is asking. I’ve only ever heard it suggested for childbirth prep but feel like it would be beneficial for people with tight pelvic floor muscles.
Just wanted to see if anyone has specifically tried this method for pelvic floor therapy and if it helped or not.
Thanks!

I was looking online for tools that help with perineal massage (I’d prefer a tool rather than trying it on my own or asking my partner to do it).
Any recommendations on which tools worked? Also - they are quite pricy for something you’d only use for a couple of weeks - I was wondering if we could use anything else cheaper that does the same job?

Perineal incision scar is itchy all the time and it's really bothersome. Is it too late to do anything? I'm pretty sure it's a hypertrophic scar. Would massaging it help the itch go away?
Please help

I have a list of things I had wanted to do… raspberry leaf tea, daily walking, perineal massage etc… but feeling so tired at 37 weeks and can’t really be bothered to do any of them 🤷🏻‍♀️ anyone else not really doing anything to prep?

I delivered my first baby 3 days ago at 39 weeks and I unfortunately ended up with a 3C perineal tear. My pregnancy honestly was really easy, as was my L&D. I only pushed through about 7-8 contractions over 20-30 mins or so, and he was only around 7.5 lbs. We did perineal massage starting at 35 weeks. They said I should consider elective c-sections for future pregnancies due to the possibility of re-tearing but as a 4th degree tear.
My healing hasn’t been terrible; I haven’t had really any pain. But I’m experiencing significant urinary incontinence when my bladder is full and am scared this is my new reality. I have a referral to PFPT that I’ll make tomorrow. I’m honesty devastated and really scared for what’s to come.
Edited for clarity.

I'm full term and haven't been doing perineal massage this pregnancy. Saw that people recommended a few times a week from 34 weeks onwards. Just tried now and realised how foreign it feels for stretching to be happening down there.
This will be my first vaginal birth and ideally I won't be getting an epidural. Has anyone else been in my shoes, birthing without meds and having not done the massages etc? Was it a weird feeling, having not "trained"? Did labour happen for so long anyway that by the time baby was crowning you'd gotten used to the feeling regardless of perineal massage or not?
TIA!

I can’t believe how fast time is flying now. I’m starting to work remotely this week up until baby wants to show up. I have a hemorrhoid that I’m not happy about and hoping it’ll go away lol. I’m not nervous about anything yet, but I think it’ll hit me once I get to the hospital/labor starts beforehand.
Installed the car seat base yesterday on the passenger side and now I’m having second thoughts - should it not be there? Where did you install your car seat???
I’m gonna start eating dates today and I don’t mind, I actually enjoy them! I’m so hungry nowadays and I’m trying not to put on so much more excess weight but I gained 4 pounds already since my last appointment…
I’ve wanted to do perineal massages but I can’t reach, my fiancé is open to doing them for me but I keep thinking in my head that it’ll be weird. Did anyone not do massages and their tear wasn’t that bad??
Ugh so much racing through my mind as the clock ticks down. Still didn’t pack my hospital bag either

We scheduled induction at 39 weeks exactly due to velamentous cord insertion (VCI) and suspected IUGR (baby’s abdomen had dipped to 5th percentile at 32 weeks, but then was back up to riiiiight below the 10% cutoff after that).
Induction Phase:
Got the call Monday morning (4/8) for a 9:30am arrival time! We were hoping for an eclipse day baby, but knew it would be unlikely lol. I was 1cm dilated and about 70% effaced at that point, so we started with a cook balloon and misoprostol (applied vaginally between the balloons) around 10am. Insertion was uncomfortable but not painful.
I responded well to the misoprostol and contractions came on HARD. Honestly almost as bad as active labor when we hit that point later. I wasn’t super prepared but managed them. I was offered a morphine cocktail but wanted to wait, as morphine makes me incredibly nauseated (even with zofran and other anti-nausea meds/patches) so I figured it would get worse and I could take it then.
Luckily (I guess?) I did two more rounds of misoprostol and they weren’t as bad as the first round of contractions, so I only ended up taking 800mg of Tylenol.
All in all, I went through the induction phase for 13.5 hours until the balloon was ready to come out.
Full disclosure: I knew the balloon would inflate but my brain didn’t really process how much it would. It really didn’t hurt coming out, but my brain kind of broke when I saw the size of it 😅 10/10 don’t recommend looking at it if you don’t want want to. On the other hand, it did make me feel a lot more confident about being able to birth a baby after how little it hurt to get that size balloon out 😅
Active Labor Phase:
When the balloon came out I was at 5-6cm so they moved me over to the birthing unit to start pitocin. I asked about getting the epidural before the pitocin, but we decided to wait as they were starting the pitocin very slowly, and once I got the epidural I couldn’t get out of bed (they allowed me to control the level of epidural meds, but didn’t allow walking epidurals).
Pitocin wasn’t bad for the first 2 or so hours, but after that point contractions were getting pretty brutal. I didn’t want them to get more painful so I asked for the epidural then.
Putting in the epidural itself was pretty unpleasant (but absolutely worth it). The needle itself really didn’t hurt, just like a bee sting as described, the numbing stuff actually burned more. I think the anesthesiologist we had was a little green because it took her awhile and there was a lot of pressure and some pain (plus a lot of anxiety). It was another few uncomfortable minutes after, but then the epidural kicked in and it was AMAZING. I could feel some pressure with contractions, but absolutely no pain.
My water broke not long after, and while I knew contractions were happening, still couldn’t feel anything and was able to nap for awhile.
A few hours later, the epidural started to partially fail. Not fun. It was failed on my right side, in kind of a circle area from the belly through to the back. We tried a few rounds of the epidural meds (3 rounds 15 minutes apart) but it wasn’t working, so switched to a stronger med through the catheter that worked right away. Total godsend. Got to nap a bit more, which I REALLY needed.
Finally, after 7.5 hours of this phase, I was fully dilated and it was go time!
Pushing Phase:
Just as we started to prep for pushing, the epidural failed again. It suuuuucked. Going from no pain to overwhelmingly intense pain again was overwhelming. And I had LONG contractions—we’re talking 3 minute-long contractions with less than a minute between them. Brutal.
Luckily this time we did a few shorter rounds of epidural meds (3 rounds 3-5 minutes apart) and that was actually perfect—it took the pain away, but I could feel the full wave of the contraction’s pressure, which helped me time pushing.
I had an amazing nursing team that helped SO much during pushing. Like they were legit lifesavers. They applied warm compresses and vitamin E oil, and did perineal massage the entire time. They also monitored contractions with me, and would press where to push which helped me really focus on which muscles to engage.
The early part of pushing wasn’t bad at all. Enjoyable compared to everything else, really. It was totally painless!
But it started to drag on, and around the 3 hour mark we discussed how apparently my perineum was really strong, even with a few months of pelvic floor PT under my belt (literally and figuratively). The doctor was still optimistic until close to 4 hours of pushing. At this point baby’s head was going in and out constantly, and everything felt so so so stuck. Painless, but uncomfortably stuck.
The doctor I had was one from my practice who I really like and trust. She told me that she’d only done 2 episiotomies in her career but was thinking we’d have to make it her third if we couldn’t get baby past the ring of muscle. She said I was going to tear to some degree either way, but if we did the episiotomy she’d make a very small incision so as much of the tearing as possible would be more natural vs. a bigger cut.
Again I trusted that if she absolutely had to do this, she’d do it right—but I was SO against it if I could avoid it. After a few more minutes of just the most insane pushing I could possibly manage (luckily guided by my nurses) baby’s head was out!! It was again totally painless, and I honestly couldn’t even tell that it had come out, other than the pressure was much better. Then one more push and baby was fully out!!!! And my doctor was amazed, as I only had one very small first degree tear! I had also some “rug burns” as she described them lol, but nothing else. I had a few stitches, also painless, and that was it.
The uterine massage was unpleasant, but the placenta came out quickly (with the cord intact! which was a concern with the VCI) and I had very minimal bleeding.
Baby was amazing! He screamed right away, startling one of the nurses ha, and showed no signs of IUGR. He was perfectly proportioned and clocked in at the 16th percentile. And since it was officially 10:37am the next day (4/9) he was born on my birthday!!
Recovery so far has been okay! I know the the tearing wasn’t bad, but that irritation plus the wild soreness and bruising from the perineal strain really made the first two days suck. I probably should’ve gotten out of bed and walked around more in the hospital, but honestly I was so done that I can’t fault myself.
My brain is already forgetting/glossing over some of the worst of labor, but very, very content to just be happy with my perfect little bub for the foreseeable future ❤️

I have a history of episiotomy and tearing, so I’m terrified to go through them again. Due to the fact that I have not been blessed with the arms of an orangutan nor spent any significant time in a troupe for Circque du Soleil, I am absolutely at a loss as to how I’m supposed to navigate around my 35 week humongous belly and somehow hook my thumbs into the lower part of my vaginal canal for 5-10 minutes for a perineal massage🥴 has anyone had luck using safe tools or some sort of extension?

FTM 33w+2 and wondering if anyone has advice on perineal massages? Pros/cons from personal experience? I see that Frida Mom makes a perineal massage tool, but I don’t know anyone personally who has used one. Is it worth it?
How soon did you start massaging, if you chose to? For seasoned moms, did it help your labor and did you still tear?
Open to any advice and suggestions! Honestly not even sure how to do the massage properly so based on feedback here I may purchase the tool from Frida!

I’m 28 weeks pregnant with my first baby and starting to get anxious about not having everything I’ll need. Before I go buying up every product they offer, I’m curious what you all liked, didn’t like, or didn’t even end up using either from this brand or another. Especially for things like the perineal massage wand…is this legit or just a gimmick for people like me? Lol please send help!!

Has anyone ever experienced a parter who seems not attracted to your pregnant body? My husband has slowly gotten more and more distant the more I looked pregnant. It’s been a harsh blow to the ego and especially since my libido has been higher. He hasn’t outwardly said he doesn’t like my body or anything like that, but when I initiate sex he either ignores me or turns me down. We also are supposed to do the perineal massages soon (basically vaginal stretching to help prevent tearing) and he seems completely grossed out and not interested in helping. It’s not something I am able to do as I cannot reach , but would like to do since this is my first baby and I want to do all I can to help my self down there lol but his reaction literally broke my heart. I know it’s not a sexy thing to do , but just the fact he was so grossed out by that region of my body. especially since prior to pregnancy he was not shy about doing freaky things lol
Does it get better after baby is here? Or is this the beginning of the end lol (to be dramatic)

Graduated at 39w4d, and we both survived, so I got the most important part of my birth “plan”/wishlist. The rest went off the rails, and to my surprise it turns out I’m okay with that!
My plan was to labor without an epidural just long enough that the baby would have a good chance of turning face down, and do everything to try not to tear because I knew my pelvic floor was super tight (eg use peanut balls/a CUB, warm compress, perineal support, open glottis breathing, etc.) I also had a succenturiate placenta so there was a chance that it would not come out in one piece and I would have to have it manually extracted, which some people have said is more painful than birth itself. I didn’t want instruments used, or an episiotomy, and I wanted delayed cord clamping.
What actually happened: I got my epidural when I wanted it, but it turned out that it didn’t really work for my lower abdomen/parts innervated by the pudendal nerve. It took some of the edge off the first phase but I still felt a lot of the transition.
I ended up not being stretchy enough even with all the massaging, and ended up with a third degree tear. I also did not get delayed cord clamping because I had started hemorrhaging during the delivery and the OB had to use a vacuum so that she could get the baby out and manually extract my placenta as soon as possible. I lost about 3000ccs of blood.
I wanted to give my baby expressed breast milk in the hospital and filled some syringes with colostrum during labor, but after losing so much blood I completely dried up (and still am hardly producing anything a week later). The lactation consultant encouraged pumping every 3 hours but most pumps don’t work well lying down and I can’t sit up without risking reopening my stitches.
The weird and surprising part is, I thought an experience like this would have been traumatic for me. A lot of my worst fears came to pass. But, it turns out I’m okay and the baby is okay and had I gotten everything I asked for I might not be here today, so everything that went not according to plan happened for a good reason.

We been married 4 years husband (M43) and me (F33)and have a toddler (22 months) currently pregnant with our second child (third trimester). All our fights are pretty much the same : lack of sex. I m low libido and he s high libido that s the problem. I feel i lack intimacy he doesn't take care of my emotional need, not anymore, and i don t feel connected which doesn't help my already low libido. I make an effort and when i do he s over the moon and is suddenly super caring, can t keep his hands off me and shower me with sweet words, attention and is in a good mood. But all this sudden attention and caring only make me feel like i m worthless without giving him what he wants (sex) and also the way he touches me is a sexual way. Not simple hugs (which are what I want and often, not only after sex and for the scope of having more sex!) Communication has been down since last fight about lack of sex in which i poured my heart into explaining why (lack of intimacy, bad past sex experiences with him as he would not do foreplay (very little effort and rushed) always focused on his own needs first, lack of improvement from his part as whatever i like and teached him is all forgotten by next session, no intimacy, not planned out (we hv kid and cannot do whenever and i told him countless times to choose and plan it out but would start me and leave me high for only to not able to continue which i hate) And then i hv to plan it out to make him happy but by then his foreplay is rushed and just wants his needs taken care of whereas i do all the work and get nothing in return. Honestly he s so bad or rather he just doesn't improve /try/learn how to please a woman that i never had an orgasm. And i admit that my libido is absolutely next to zero with him and his behaviour. Doesn t share mental load of running the house, childcare, chores, days out, pregnancy, not to mention physical help. I hv to ask multiple times, never does anything of his own initiative. I m lucky my mum is over to help with toddler otherwise we would be fighting about chores too. I get that he works long hours and is tired but i can t help feeling alone in all this. Another thing i m sad about is him not playing or engaging much with our toddler. He just doesn't know how to treat kids.... He would hug until LO gets upset and crying which i think is so unnecessary as i try to keep LO calm and not crying all day. It overwhelms me hearing LO cry and puts me in a bad mood. Now LO runs when he tries to hug. He s rough and overbearing, no respect, no calm approach, no letting go when LO doesn't want to be held. He said he might have adhd or something, not confirmed or diagnosed, just a feeling. Don t know if that s it but he does have problems with feelings of empathy. He can be very detached and cold. To the point it makes me question if he ever loved/ loves me. I m the contrary. I always felt deeply and emotional and empathetic to the point i try cater all his needs when it s his working days.... But when he s off i would like some help, some recognition, some emotional support or tap in. But he wouldn t do any of these unless he gets sex, then he ll be happy and good husband for a few days until it wears off and we re at it again. I m tired i m in my third trimester and have a lot of worries about the delivery and preparations, sex is last thing on my mind, but i recognise he s sex starved (his words) but when i do effort he just wants more.... Makes me frustrated and sad..... Seems sex is all he thinks and care about.... Which of course he denies and i m the one overthinking too much and i have it good as there are so many ppl worse off with abusive partners (his words). Since having kid our sex has dropped drastically that s true, and before that my libido has always been low and waiting to see a sex therapist but still on the waiting list. Other than that i don t think anything will save us as sex is too important to him. Whereas i can do without but i cannot do without emotional intimacy. Hence our unhappiness even tho they re all i ever wanted. A family. Breaks my heart to think of leaving especially now with two kids. I often do think of leaving but that s because of my coping mechanism? But once we make up we ll be good for a while.... Until next fight....it s a recurring pattern i know.... But i do think i m part of the problem... And that rejecting him is devastating for him i can see he s hurting too..... But not because of the same issues.... And i wonder if he sees my hurt at all as i can see his and try to fix. Is he trying to fix mine? Less and less now.... I feel he s not trying to communicate anymore. After last fight he didn t adress any of my points. And i had to cave in to sex to keep the house running.
This is more like a rant. Just didn t want to cry because of the baby inside of me. So thank you for letting me rant it all out here and sorry for the messy writing.
Edit: Thank you for all the messages some have been very insightful and needed, special shout out to a redditor whom wrote an especially long post that unfortunately i cannot see for some reason and is not even marked as deleted(it just completely disappeared didn t know that was possible and any way i could retrieve it?) it included words like step by step guidance and advice how to move forward and "slap and hugs" as to define boundaries and and not to be afraid to call him out on his flaws but then patch it up when and if he does better and use "i feel" sentences instead of judgemental accusations. I m really grateful for your time to lay all that out and am sad i cannot retrieve it for future references but i remember most words.
For sake of clarity we re not having sex not after second trimester, but i m doing handjobs once a week or two week... Mainly to keep him happy but i do feel resentment.... I did twice a week once and one day in that same week i wanted a perineal massage and i refused to make it into more and that s when he went sour. I feel like i cannot depend on him for even the basics. And that s why it hurts.... His dick dictates his person and there is no room for me or my needs or even for sake of my wellbeing. I ve had enough of being treated like an object. Even the outburst of love I get after sex feels fake and gross to me. It s come to that point! As usually he barely gives me or baby any attention. I always think is because of work as his line of work can be both dangerous and dealing with mentally unstable people. Some days are one emergency after another.... some days are more relaxed.... I think apart from sex i m doing all i can and in my power to be supportive hence why i do take so much upon myself.....but seems whatever i do won t stand a candle against sex. Like if i dropped everything else and just focused on satisfying his sex needs he ll be so much happier and would love me so much more. But do i want that kind of love? One redditor said women act then feel. Man feel them act. Could not be truer that we are wired so differently and are at odds now. And yes i need to act now as all this resentment build up if left snowballing i know i might not be able to retrace back to our initial hearts. Once the heart is broken there ll be nothing left to save. I realise that. I hope he ll be willing to communicate and change. I don t think i can change into what he wants before he does. Can I?

My first child, I focused so much on practicing dealing with contractions it never once crossed my mind that pushing would be hard 🙄
Long story short I was in labor for 8 hours and 5 of those hours were pushing. Epidural didn’t really work so I felt everything and struggled sooooo much.
I did everything right - pelvic floor therapy entire third trimester weekly, perineal massages and kegals basically whole pregnancy. I still tore and struggled so much.
Does anyone have any other tips on better prepping myself for pushing? I’ve seen those (unsettling) perineal wands….anyone tried them?
Any other ideas on lessening my pushing time? That shit was so brutal! I’m 27 weeks now.
Thanks mamas. Wish me luck!

Hi everyone!I'm nearly 31 weeks pregnant, and since becoming an adult (now 30F) I've always wanted to have a planned caesarean. It's only been in recent weeks that I've considered a vaginal birth and I don't know if it's because now my decision is permanent and something I'm going to live with for the rest of my life. It's probably also because most people I tell are confused or upset for me that I'm having a c section (as if I'm making such a bad decision and making everything so much worse for myself).
I've read so many stories online about women saying they'd so much rather give birth vaginally than have major abdominal surgery... but I've heard that contractions are like breaking every bone in your body, so why is surgery worse? I get that the recovery may be slower than a straight forward vaginal birth, but in my mind I'd rather be in moderate, but manageable pain for weeks than excruciating, feeling-like-I'm-dying pain for hours that haunts me at night later in life.
There's the risk of things going wrong in surgery - scar tissue or hysterectomy being the things I most fear which would stop me having further children, but prolapses and bladdebowel incontinence sound much scarier in the long term (my mum's reaching the age now when her friends who have been fine for years are now getting prolapses). I love running and hope to be able to jump on a trampoline again in my life!
Then there's the unpredictable nature of it. Is it just one of those things where human nature/optimism means that women go into labour thinking they're not going to have any trauma/life long physical issues? I have a long history of mental health problems and am definitely a pessimist and expect to have some level of trauma both physically and mentally from natural childbirth.
Sure, the c section scar's not ideal and I could lose sensitivity there, but surely that's better than scars all over my vagina and things hanging out everywhere (I have friends in the medical profession who've seen things look permanently pretty messed up down there). And tearing/being stitched up without the same level of anaesthetic does not appeal.
Physically I am in great health, exercise daily, low risk pregnancy with no issues during pregnancy at all. So most people think I should be fine giving birth vaginally. Mentally I am vulnerable probably. I have complex PTSD from childhood stuff, major anxiety issues, have had depression on/off and lack self confidence (I trust surgeons to deliver my baby a lot more than myself). I also think I have vaginismus, and it's scaring me to even try perineal massage, which makes me doubt my ability to birth even more. It really frightens me to be in an uncontrollable situation where I'm in agony for hours (I am a massive wimp/cannot manage pain well). Should I just stick to the plan, or is there something I'm really missing that means a vaginal birth could be a better option?
I don't care about things feeling natural/beautiful, I just want the baby here safely, ideally without trauma to either of us! And throughout history women died all the time from childbirth while the men died from wars, so I don't buy into the "we were made to deliver 9lb babies". Strangely I love watching birth videos on Youtube, but just know things are unlikely to go that smoothly and I'd have to live with the consequences for the rest of my life.
Hope this didn't come across as offensive to any pro-natural birth women, I just don't get why abdominal surgery under anaesthetic is seen as so much worse than childbirth which to me is one of the scariest/most awful things I can imagine. What am I missing/am I making a mistake? Thanks for reading and for your patience with me :)
Edit: Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply. I am slowly working my way through the comments and it's been so helpful to hear all of your experiences.

Quick background: this was my second birth. First one was a C-section and this second one was vaginal (I was recommended by my SIL who’s had 4 kids) So in November my daughter was born and he had to stitch me up. I went to my 2 week post check up and he said everything was okay even said I can already have intimacy. Fast forward to my 6 weeks and it was a female OB and she said everything healed well. A couple of weeks later my husband and I tried to be intimate for the first time but it was hurting so much. It felt like my skin was over stretching and there was so much discomfort. We stopped and waited some more. We tried a couple of other times and at about 18 weeks I finally asked him to take a look because something did not feel right.
It turns out the vaginal opening seemed smaller and there was a small opening in the bottom. I literally had two vaginal openings (one was just very small like the tip of my pinky). The stitching was not healed properly and it left a little bridge of skin in between those two openings. I left a review saying they overstitched me and the TWO doctors who checked me did not notice anything wrong. I stupidly agreed to a check up with them again to try to fix the issue.
Once there the woman OB who checked me confirmed the problem and called the male OB in. This is where things get weird in my opinion. He says he can fix it there in the clinic himself for free by injecting medication (never specified what exactly) that will break down the bridge of skin so that he can then close it properly in the course of 2-3 more weekly visits (I forgot to mention he said that the vaginal opening was not too small the skin that was the bridge was just very tender; he even chuckled saying a vagina cannot be too small) OR that we can go to the hospital and he will simply cut it there and sew me back up but that I will be charged medical bills for the anesthesia and who knows what else.
My husband and I agreed to have the treatment there in the clinic and he injected me. I felt a lot of pressure and he was stretching my skin so much but I thought he was just trying to get a better look. He would not say what he was doing or going to do just do stuff and I felt so violated. The injection numbed me and he told my husband to do perineal massages to me and even recommended intimacy to open the skin. When he finished with the injections and I stepped off the bed there was a puddle of blood. There is no way an injections alone caused that much blood. I cried the whole drive home. I asked my husband to check me and my skin of the bridge was torn. The OB did that with his bare hands while I was numbed down there. I believe that all I was injected was anesthesia so that he could do that not that the magical injections that will break down the scar tissue like he said. I do not trust him. I’m scared to go back and continue with the planned appointments
Sorry for rambling it’s my first post and I’m desperate because I don’t even know what to do at this point. I feel so discouraged and gross as a woman. Everything looks wrong down there. My husband has been nothing but supportive of me but I feel bad even though it’s not my fault. Please help