Float pool nursing resume

I get it. I lost my job in July because I stood up to a mid-level manager that was talking down to me like a child and I don’t stand for that shit. He got me fired two days later.
I’ve filled out a couple hundred applications for positions that I qualify for, don’t qualify for, am overqualified for, but only ever infrequently get an autogenerated let down. It’s been a real mental strain just trying.
A couple of months ago, I rewrote my resume and posted on LinkedIn with their formatted post about looking for a new role so my contacts would see it. A couple of former colleagues messaged me to let me know about places that were hiring, which was kind, but I absolutely didn’t qualify for the open roles (think required nursing degrees).
Then, I get a call from a former colleague from a car dealership who is working at dealership about 40 minutes away. I used to sell cars, he ran the Used Cars department. He wants to know if I’m interested in doing it again? He loved working with me and has a desk open. He set me up with an interview with his GM in less than 24 hours.
Let me be clear: I am brutally honest and straightforward with everyone. I was very convinced that I would bomb this interview because 1. I would tell them that I got fired from my last job, 2. The schedule would be tough because as my parents get older, they rely on me to take them to doctors’ appointments and surgeries, etc., and 3. I would tell him that I tend to prioritize work above everything else to the point of illness (I’ve passed out from dehydration at work before).
I got the job. My only interview in 10 months and I got the job.
If you’ve filled out countless applications and not heard from anyone in your field, if you’re down to fumes in your bank account, apply to sell cars.
There are definitely dealerships that have no respect for their staff and their time, but your schedule is your schedule and you can leave when the clock strikes “Fuck You I’m Out.” Then, there are dealerships that don’t want to see you implode because your success is their success. They will train you to do the job. You don’t need anything but a HS diploma or GED, the ability to hustle, and basic customer service skills. (They wouldn’t scoff at good personal hygiene, though.)
You’re looking at great commission (base is usually 10% plus a salary, a bigger commission without a salary for more confident sales reps), bonuses for hitting target sales, bonuses for selling certain cars, etc.
Was it my favorite job ever? No. But, it made me great money and had a level of autonomy to it that I enjoyed. I didn’t have people breathing down my neck all the time because I was capable of managing myself.
Good luck to you all out there! I hope everything works out in your favor.

Most of my dreams are apocalyptic, nearly every single one. I’m always with my parents and my fiancé and my brother and his family. Congregated together and then suddenly something happens to “trigger the event”. This dreadful impending doom feeling waves over me like a blanket of death. We have a short time to prepare and then the doom comes. The bomb drops or the planet sized rock hits. I see these dreams so vividly, it’s almost weird. But this time I saw this idk if the word is spinning? Ever morphing??? but it was floating all around my dreams location through the sky. Where most of these events happen at my grandmas old house. It was white and blue and always moving like fire inside to the outside and spinning. It was all wing’s and fiery blue mist covered in eyes all over it. It didn’t say anything to me with its mouth, but it’s…. Soul???? I don’t know. It was there to warn me of the impending doom this time. My soul felt it’s closeness. I can’t explain it I’m sorry.. but all of the sudden a giant star destroyer type ship covered the sky and my dream ended. I woke up several times but forced my dream to resume. I can’t remember the next dreams but I do know they were all related in some way. I’m sure no one will even see this but at least I have this saved now I guess. Thanks.

Hello All,
I have a pretty diverse background, I would consider myself more of a generalist. Essentially I have always been interested in many things, but really wanting to find myself a career and stay there.
I have two degress one in nursing and one in Communications & Sociology from Boston College. I am currently a registered nurse with ICU and behavioral health experience. Before becoming a nurse I had a career working for different tech startups in operations and sales. I wanted a more "stable" career since the starup world had so many layoffs. However, here I am wanting to get back into the corporate world and out of nursing (I also had a health issue which will not allow me to continue as a nurse due to the physical demands).
I'm looking to combine all my experiences and pivot into the Healthtech space or Insurance ideally in Customer Success or as an AE. Does anyone have any advice for finding these roles and beefing up my resume?
Thank you!

Hello All,
I have a pretty diverse background, I would consider myself more of a generalist. Essentially I have always been interested in many things, but really wanting to find myself a career and stay there.
I have two degress one in nursing and one in Communications & Sociology from Boston College. I am currently a registered nurse with ICU and behavioral health experience. Before becoming a nurse I had a career working for different tech startups in operations and sales. I wanted a more "stable" career since the starup world had so many layoffs. However, here I am wanting to get back into the corporate world and out of nursing.
I'm looking to combine all my experiences and pivot into the Healthtech space or Insurance ideally in Customer Success. Does anyone have any advice for finding these roles and beefing up my resume?
Thank you!

I don't really know why I'm writing this ... I think it's because I've tried to explain it to my uncle but all he said is that I should get my addiction under control and stop forgetting to take my meds.
I can't blame him. You see... I have a history. I've lost it in the past , twice actually. I'm not here to talk about it , but I think it's important to lay this down first. So you can understand.

I've been told something's wrong with my brain, maybe I was born this way, maybe I've been through too much. That my mother was an addict, she'd cut ties with her family for 10 years when she had me. That where she had been and who my father was, is was very unclear. She was part of a community in the forgotten part of the nearest big city when she died. I was there when it happened.
My uncle Sean and Aunt Maggie became my guardians just before my 5th birthday and I'm still with him 20 years later. Maggie left the ranch a few weeks ago after an amicable divorce, I never understood why they were together anyway she was always working somewhere, traveling a lot. I was closer to him and his sturdy way of life.

When I first arrived at the ranch, I was in a bad shape. I got better thanks to him but when I reached thirteen, all the memories from my early childhood suddenly came back. I started having flashbacks. My memories came back, but they came back wrong.

I had been told that my mother had died of an untreated infection. Yet in my dreams, I saw her , again and again , in a pool of blood. An then... Then it came. The... Thing. I won't describe it. It kind of triggers something in me that I really don't need right now.

I've been told that what happened next was so traumatic that my brain made up a monster, a fiction , to make sense of what I was seeing and not processing.
This ... Thing started obsessing me and during my early teenage years I focused all my energy on finding what it was and proving it happened. That a monster did kill and mutilated my mother. My nightmares were so bad that I stopped sleeping. I drank so much energy drinks that I ended up in the hospital twice with severe dehydration.

Thankfully, I got better. I started working more and more with my uncle's horses. I think it's why he employed me, he saw how manual work and caring for the animals helped. I even got my first girlfriend around my 17th year. I was prom king. Who would have thought?
But then... She had a cheerleading accident. In front of me. And I lost it again. I won't go into details but she broke her neck during half-time and once again... The way she fell, folded and screamed. I couldn't process. It was IT. It'd shapeshifted to get to her. I'm ashamed of it but I became violent. Looking for it franticly. Screaming non sense and talking made up words. I had to be sedated. She made it alive, but she never wanted to see me again. I was accused by pretty much everyone to make the accident all about myself. And they were kind of right....

Now you know how I came to be the " crazy" guy. I have a bit of a drinking problem too to be honest... You see I never went back to high school. I started working full time at the ranch when I came by, and sometimes, it gets lonely. It's not rare to find me passed out in the hay in the early morning in the summer. And what can I tell you... I know I shouldn't. I know it's "bad" . But I love those nights. I put music , cuddle with my dog and just look at the cold bright stars, drinking beer until they start spinning.

It's because of this bad habit that I realized something was wrong with the horses. You see, contrary to the movies, horses are pretty silent. They don't neigh unless you separate them from their best mate or bring food. And that night... The night it all started. They wouldn't stop. I could hear them galloping and snorting. I wondered if there was a stray dog but they were used to dogs. I was a bit worried. Horses get stupid when they are afraid and we had a big show coming, it wasn't the time so sprain a leg. What really troubled me was my dog. He seemed ... Weird.
Max was a pit mix my uncle had rescued when I was 15. He only woke when I got up and walked a bit to look at the paddocks. That's when I realised the moon behind me. It was huge, and red. I wondered if I had ever seen it so close and so red before. I looked at Max The white of his eyes showed and he started whining. I had never heard him make this noise. Ever.

I looked at my phone. It was quarter to three. I took a pitchfork to be safe and walked toward the clubhouse. We kept a shotgun there in a locker. The horses kept going crazy and max's tail was stiff. I was walking fast but carefully in the darkness when the music reached me. A chant. A low chant. I kind of felt it too... Like a ... vibration.
It was coming from the yearlings field near the forest patch, on the opposite direction of the clubhouse. My horse was in this field. I backtracked immediately and rushed toward the sound as I dialled my uncle. Off course he didn't answer. He didn't live on the property anymore but a few miles away. I left a message, whispering. " I'm at the stable, something weird ‘s happening. I think they're people messing with horses I'm going to see. I think you should come , I don't know...Call me back.". The weird chant buzzed in the background, louder, as if more people had joined. I saw the glow of the fire before I passed the last building. It rose , under the bloody moonlight. Dark figures circled around it. Slowly. The horses seemed to have retreated at the other end of the pasture and I was relieved. Until I saw it. The figure at the centre of this dark carousel. " What the f are those creeps doing" escaped my lips.
blazing fury filled me , like a white iron like a white hot blade blinding me . "HEYYYY" I screamed at the top of lungs. " WHAT ARE YOU DOING !? ". The figures stopped and turn toward me. I was running now , my knuckles going white around the pitchfork's stick. Max was growling. A deep growl. His hair high upon his backbone. The figure, still pretty far did not move. I could see their heavy hooded cloaks. " what kind of sick pricks are those " I muttered. " HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY" I screamed again, louder than I ever thought I could scream. And then I saw him. Gun.
Gun was my uncle's favourite horse. His old stallion's spitting image. The young horse was lying in front of the fire behind the intruders.
"WHAT DID YOU DO! I'M CALLING THE COPS!!!!". I stopped and was dialling when a figure detached itself from the group and advanced. It seemed to ... float? It moved toward Max and I... so silently.
The burning rage in veins turned cold , and heavy. I opened my mouth but nothing crossed my lips. Suddenly, Max jumped. He growled in a way I hope to never hear any dog do again. A desperate, furious growl. A life or death sound. A war cry... His warm blood spattered on my face. He... Honestly I don't know what happened at that moment. Something lied bloody on the ground but I couldn't even have told that it used to be a dog, even less Max. Acid tears filled my eyes as I realized my mouth was still open. I was tasting him.
I wanted to scream, to run, to just get swallowed by the earth and yet I did nothing at all but stare at the floating silhouette. It was so tall. " Come, my child". " We were waiting for you, we knew you'd come, Your father told us you'd be here when we'd call".
I heard those words, but I wouldn't be able to tell you anything about the thing who spoke them. I say thing because it didn't have a voice. It... Buzzed. Like... a cello.
Suddenly... I floated too. Panick seized me. Like a trapped raccoon in my
chest it dug its claws, scratching furiously my closed throat.
" Your father said you were ready. We will prepare you." I was now in front of the crackling blaze. the other figures circling me. Smiling Men and woman welcomed me. On their faces they all wore a similar mark. a cross covering their eyes horizontally, and their nose and mouth vertically. Their hands... Their hands were still dripping with gun's inside. Gun... Was ... opened.
" A necessary sacrificed" whispered a woman, still smiling. " I know you liked him very much... I'm sorry..." " I could have taken yours, but I knew you wouldn't have forgiven me'. Her voice. .." Aunt Maggie?' I croaked. Her eyes shone with a mad light. " Gosh do you look like your mother tonight... She'd be so proud. Her baby boy..." .
The tall figure made a gesture and I spined and found myself looking at the sky. I thought I'd fallen but... I wasn't touching the ground...
My aunt continued speaking." She was just like you the first time ... So... naive, so afraid.. She was only 16! That was our mistake you see, she wasn't ready for her destiny yet when she joined us... That's why we waited for you."
The chant , the low buzzing chant rose once again. The people around me started walking in a circle around me. I was just above Gun's body.
One, by one, they buried they hands in the belly of the horse and traced the cross on my face. I sealed my lips as tight as I could as the warm blood covered my face. Through the blood and tears I recognize faces. A nurse from the hospital. A teacher. The coffeeshop barista. My psychiatrist... I closed my eyes.
It was a nightmare. It couldn't be anything but a nightmare.
Yet the smell of the horse's inside and the crackling fire still reached me as they started ripping my clothes off.
" This is not real" I whispered. " This is not real, this is not real THIS IS NOT real" I screamed weakly.
'Oh , My dear I'm so sorry ' whispered my aunt. I should have told you earlier... But Dr Carter said it was better to let you grow up a bit first. He said it help you keep the secrets if you were afraid of them. I'm sure you don't feel this way, but it was an honour to watch your mother ascend the way she did. Her agony was the most beautiful thing she could have hoped for. You were supposed to ascend with her but she ruined it". " Slut" groaned a middle aged woman before spitting on the floor.
" She was my best friend you know... I thought I knew her. I thought I could trust her. But she lied to me."
"You see, we know you are his son. But... She wasn't a virgin when she was honoured."
She smiled. " It doesn't matter how cruelly she tricked us. You can help us find the perfect girl."
One by one, each member traced a symbol on my skin.
" You're so handsome... He'll be so glad. The perfect boy. The perfect vessel."
"It's almost time, Prepare" hissed the tall figure.
" You're going to give him his heir, the one ruler among the realms. You see he can't travel here whenever but you're an anchor my love. Each generation he choses an anchor until he finds one who'll give him THE son, the one who'll die for his freedom. Our freedom."
"QUIET SLAVE AND KNEEL" shrieked the tall figure.
She kneeled right near me, and whispered " You're...". I heard a slash. Aunt Maggie’s face slid horizontally. Her eyes followed me as the upper part of the face slid slowly toward the ground.
" HAIL THE PRINCE".
A chant, colder and louder than never before rose with the crackling flames toward the moon.
" Iä! Shub-Niggurath! The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young! » chanted the disciples."
Frozen, I watched the blazing sky above and saw a door. A perfect wooden door , in the sky. It slowly cracked open as the crowd turn to hysterics and the chant turned to mad screams.
"MY SOOOOOOOON" The whole earth seemed to split open under the weight of the sound coming from the perfect rectangle of empty darkness in the sky.
And then... I saw... I saw what I had tried to forget for twenty-years. I saw those split red eyes and their evil glare. I saw the iron hooves at the end of too many legs. I saw the tentacles who fled my mother with their thousand beaks. Everything all at once, I saw it shift, from an odious form to a more loathsome one. I burned in a way I'll never be able to describe.
I woke up two weeks ago in the nearest hospital. I was found on the ground, surrounded by the yearlings, the corpse of gun and some remains of Max. My uncle explained to me that I had found a bear feasting on Gun, that Max must have attacked it and I'd fainted or been knocked out trying to scare it away. Laying lifeless had saved me. I didn't speak of what I saw at the hospital. I knew better now. I've tried to explain to my uncle why I had to move out to the big city. That I had a mission now. That I had never been crazy and that I shouldn't have been afraid.
I know now that I'm blessed. You see he thinks I'm just having another episode, that it’s a "manic" episode and I should go back to the clinic, but I know better now. I am special. I am. And he can be too. Anyway... He'll be whether he joins or not. You'll all be. Because he is coming. He 'll bless us all. Because you see, I know I can find her and I'll give him the perfect door. A door to let him in. A door to let all of him in. He'll honour us all, all at once.
" Iä! Shub-Niggurath! The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young! »

So I’ve been working at a hospital for a couple of months in the Med/Surg unit and what I once enjoyed, I now DREAD!!!!! From working with lazy nurses to unsettling patients. I decided that I had enough. I worked for a three letter company so as anyone who has also worked there knows…I’m very underpaid. The hospital I’m switching to is offering wayyyyy more an hour but I’m very scared because it’s float pool. Idk what I’m getting myself into but what could be worse than Med/Surg everyday??! If you are in float pool lmk about your experience please.

A rubber ducky floats in a tub
loving and amusing algae;
it only need be yellow
amidst all of the once-wished,
once-was, and now-grows
-without-obtrusion, life keeps
finding the forgotten,
what lack-thereof left behind
ㅤ
Everywhere there is moss,
vines, and silence beneath
the still-sky, the always-sky, the blue
ㅤ
The ever-green came through the cracks,
the cracks came after the decay, the decay
came with the destruction, the destruction
was never-ending for a time, the
nothingness no longer thirsts,
ㅤ
No-one yearns
ㅤ
Humanity’s supernova
was faster than we could
say “burn bright”
ㅤ
The scientists knew it
was Friday, the politicians knew it
was payday, the news knew nothing,
the other channels played
old movies like any other end
-of-a-week
ㅤ
the goodbyes-in-hindsight
were all so mundane-in-retrospect
many through the ones and zeros,
(which are now-gone,
if they truly ever-existed)
many last moments were more ideal,
ㅤ
A mother repeats to her baby
“not a word to your father” but
catches her glancing down
into the water smiling, tears pooling
in her eyes
ㅤ
A barely legal adult smeared
with vomit hears her mother
softly call her into the bathroom
then-unchanged from
her childhood and stops herself from
repeating to her mother
she is not a baby anymore
ㅤ
A father hears the first
“your father can never find out
about this”, finds out
he is scary and there are secrets
innumerable, he decides on a
loving, at worst amusing,
gesture against his nature;
he waits outside, hiding, watching
where he will stay-forever
to see his daughter
smile for what will-feel-like
the first time
ㅤ
A warm bath is drawn to never-be-taken
ㅤ
A drunk college freshman alone
and quiet, forever just trying to
stay afloat
at a homecoming celebration
is the only one to catch
bits and pieces of
The Rules of Attraction
on a cheap TV
thinking of everything that has
already happened in the first semester
of the rest-of-her-life
she will-definitely-never tell her parents
ㅤ
after the characters leave
The End of the World Party
as the credits roll backwards she, herself,
stumbles through the snow,
amidst the darkness and stars, forgetting
“home” should mean
a dorm now, knowing her mommy
will draw her a bath,
wishing her dad would
toss in a yellow
rubber duck,
just like when she was
ㅤ ——
ㅤ @infpeachtea on all platforms
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My husband has a T-12 SCI and we are in the market to get a lift for our dock at the lake. We’ve been looking on the internet but are afraid to commit without any input from someone who has actually used a lift. What suggestions do you have for lifts? It will be mounted to a wooden floating dock on Kentucky Lake. We have plenty of room for a lift so space isn’t an issue.
We really have only had negative experiences when traveling with pool lifts not working or batteries not charged or employees not knowing how to use it, which I’m sure is very common.
Thanks!

NoSleep link
“Ugh, Emma, can you get the trunk for me?”
The dim winter sun was setting over the parking lot, nearly devoid of shoppers at this late hour, aside from a van in one distant corner that had just started backing out of its spot.
I set my bag down in the passenger seat and rounded the side of my mum’s penicillium-green Camry, met with her impatient and lightly sweating face. I popped the trunk, allowing her to practically collapse into it with the weight of the groceries. Something burst in one of the bags, prompting her to curse under her breath.
“I just don’t get why you won’t stick a quarter in those trolleys over there. You get it back afterwards.”
Mum, still arranging the bags into a position that would stop them toppling over on the drive home, looked at me scornfully.
“The Walmart downtown doesn’t make you pay. None of the stores around here do, so why should I? You know we only come here to Aldi ‘cause it’s cheaper.”
“I just said you get the quarter back afterwards. It’s to make sure people put the trolleys back,” I sighed, knowing there was no swaying her. Instead of shooting back with some flimsy reasoning, mum patted her pockets and swore.
“Oh for goodness sake, I’ve gone and left my wallet at the till again, haven’t I?”
Before I could get a word out, she was gone like a rocket, racing against the store’s closing time. Night’s chill descended, raising gooseflesh, so I slammed the trunk and hopped back into the passenger seat, out of the cold.
I sat there, praying my mum had the haste to get back soon with the keys and start up the heating. There was something else, though. My heart made itself known with a rising, incessant pulse. Was something wrong?
“Not this again,” I groaned, shutting my eyes and following a basic breathing routine to calm my nerves. The anxiety was bad enough, but the anger I felt at the nonsense panic had always been worse for me.
“Just stop it. Lasagna’s waiting for us at home. It’s gonna be so g–”
I opened my eyes.
Had I heard something? No, not heard, felt? I leaned forward to scan the parking lot. Nothing. Then I jumped back in my seat. There it was again. It was subtle, so much so I was surprised I’d even noticed it. A light, but bone-deep vibration was emanating from somewhere. Almost like someone nearby was subtly trying to pull down on a gigantic zipper, one tooth at a time. The comparison should’ve sounded silly, but my heart continued to pound faster and faster until I was sure beyond a doubt that something bad would happen. Something was wrong.
It took me longer than I’d have liked to get out, with the seat belt clamping as I struggled to unbuckle. There was no smell in the air. Did it smell before? I couldn’t remember. No more cars in the lot, only the Camry. No more noise.
Again, that slight vibration in the air. Too low a frequency to determine its source, but enough to sense it was there. I tilted my head, staring up at lumpy clouds that cast shadows on each other. Ah, those clouds. I’ve always loved how they look around sundown. It helped to ease my heart a little.
Until one of the shadows moved.
I’m not stupid, I thought it was just a cloud’s shadow matching its slow drift across the sky - I squinted. The shadow wasn’t being cast on a cloud. It was above, or behind them, which made me realise whatever I was seeing, it wasn’t a shadow.
What happened next is hard to articulate. I’ve never seen anything else like it, before or since. The dark mass above the clouds began to sort of extend, beaming down at an angle, like sun rays but moving at a steady pace, or how water or ink moves up paper by way of capillary action. A black beam. But, it was more than that.
I was so absorbed in the spectacle, it hadn’t fully dawned on me that this thing was getting closer. Closer to me. And as it closed in, there was no mistaking it. While it continued to stretch all the way back above the clouds, the outline of it, the cross-section, was almost human-shaped. Arms, head, body, and legs, but the limbs ended in stunted nubs, like a stick figure.
By the time it stopped a good three or four storeys above, I still hadn’t moved. I couldn’t. I could do nothing but watch in disbelief as lights and layers of colour began to flash inside the human-ish figure, seeming to have parallax, as if whatever lay beyond was a space of its own.
Amazingly, something managed to distract me for a moment. A flash of light in my peripheral. A phone torch.
“Emma? Emma! Are you having a stroke or something?”
I blinked.
“What– no? I mean, I…”
Mum was back, apparently still without her wallet, now scanning the asphalt for any sign of it. Why didn’t I hear her coming back?
She clicked her tongue.
“Then stop standing there like an idiot and help me find it. Come on, it’s getting late.”
I did, in fact, keep standing there, glancing between her and the flashing shadow prism above us. I did a double take. Those glaringly bright, almost offensively coloured layers were speeding up towards the end of the beam, towards me, piling up on themselves to assemble a figure, stepping soundlessly out into thin air.
Mum kept calling for me. I heard her, but couldn’t process her words. Everything else was secondary to the figure above us. It had fully formed, cloaked in a coarse-looking gown, with skin so pale and shadeless it was as if it radiated a faint glow. The sound of rapid footsteps brought me back to myself, and I looked down just in time to see my mum, face painted in a teetering mixture of worry and annoyance. She went to speak but I held up a hand, and pointed to the figure.
Squinting at me, she looked to where I was pointing, and froze. The whole time, I’d secretly been hoping I was just hallucinating, but she saw it too. She saw something, at least, and that was enough to confirm what I’d been dreading.
“...who is that?” she asked. Her voice sounded so small and dry. If I could’ve spoken I’d have asked, “what is that?”
Instead, I watched on in terror as the figure began a slow descent, straight down. The closer it drew, the more of it I could make out. There were these iridescent lines floating across the surface of its skin, moving like sun patterns on the bottom of a swimming pool. Like the silhouette it had emerged from, it had no hands or feet. Just rounded nubs, although those on its arms had the same slight depression in the centre.
“Car… the car. Mum, the car, get in the car, now,” I whispered. No response. I reached out, grabbing her by the arm and shaking her. She was absolutely rigid. One of us had to move, and I imagined we were both hoping the other would do so.
A second figure emerged from the prism, identical to the first, except it was wearing a plain T-shirt and shorts. At the same time, the first one finally touched down on the asphalt and stood, tilting its head up, apparently waiting for the other to arrive.
If I had any lingering doubt that these things weren’t human, it was squashed when I saw their faces - or, lack thereof. I couldn’t see any ears, and where a face should’ve been was only a circular metal grate. Maybe gold, or brass.
The four of us stood there, still and silent. They stared at us, and we stared right back, completely lost in the foreign sight of the beings. A breath, then they turned to each other. I don’t know if I expected them to talk, but they didn’t. Not in any language I know. Faint at first, getting brighter with every pulse, constellations began to flash behind the metal face-grates of each of them. I heard nothing aside from a few damped vibrations, yet somehow, I knew there was a conversation going on.
Very slowly, I took a step back, and reached an arm behind me to feel for the car. All the while, my eyes stayed locked on the beings. I kept reaching, further and further. My fingers brushed nothing but air.
One of them abruptly turned and looked at me, or at mum, I couldn’t tell. My chest tightened. This wasn’t happening. It raised one stunted arm to point at my mum, releasing another cascade of flashing lights behind its grill face. The other crossed its arms and looked over too, like it was waiting for something.
I had to risk it. I pivoted, throwing a glance over my shoulder. The car was twenty, maybe twenty-five feet away. I didn’t remember wandering that far from it. I noticed something else then: the trees, the grass, all of the greenery surrounding the parking lot was… gone. It gave me the impression of a planet that had never evolved life, or where all life was extinct. There was only bare, dark soil enclosing the lot.
Seconds before I went for the car, mum let out a scream. One that I still hear from time to time, in dreams and background noise. I spun around to see the first being, the one wearing a gown, gliding across the ground with an arm outstretched. Mum didn’t have time to move. It came to a dead stop before her, arm still raised, and I saw something emerging from the small depression at the end of its stump - what I now understood was a hole. Whatever came out was darker than the night sky, and I couldn’t place its shape, but it looked like it was made out of a mass of ever-shifting black crystals.
Mum screamed again. It was more of a gasp actually, a gasp that lasted barely a second before a bubble broke free of the shifting appendage and fixed itself over her mouth, silencing her. Another four floated down to her wrists and ankles, binding her in place and stopping her from moving as one more broke off from the being. It looked a little like an arrowhead, or some other sharp, triangular tool, a razor edge cutting through the air and hovering just over her stomach.
I understood the danger then - not for me, but her. Abandoning caution, I leapt forward, yelling,
“Get away from her!”
But I rolled my ankle and went crashing down onto cold, hard asphalt. Dazed, I tried to lift myself, and managed to look up at the beings with blood pouring from my nose and a cut on my cheek. The one in front of my mum barely seemed to notice me, giving me a quick look then getting back to the matter at hand, whatever that was.
Mum squirmed against her restraints, issuing muffled groans through her nose. I forced my limbs to work, but I was held fast. Mounds of that shifting black crystal had smothered my hands, binding them to the ground.
I looked at my mum, helpless, terrified. She met my eyes, blinked away a tear, and squeezed her eyelids shut. At the back, the being wearing a T-shirt made some kind of gesture, like it was impatient, and the robed being nodded, turning back to mum and directing the arrow-shaped object. At the same time, her blouse began to lift up and off her, pulled by an invisible force and exposing her belly. The being hesitated for a second, and I felt a spark of hope, that it might show mercy.
But of course it didn’t.
The dark arrowhead pressed into her skin, slicing through layers like butter and dragging a line downwards, leaving a clean incision. Wasting no time, the being reached inside, fiddled around for a moment, then pulled out the severed end of my mum’s intestine. Blood and shit splattered the ground, trailing away from her as the being floated backwards, keeping hold of the organ until it was stretched to its full length.
I tasted bile.
“STOP! You fucks, you fucking–”
A gush of vomit interrupted me, flooding out onto the ground and mixing in with the intestinal fluids to create a disgusting, speckled pattern which prompted another wave of vomit from me and tears to cloud my vision.
“Please…”
I wiped my sleeve over my eyes so I could see. The being in a T-shirt had a long, pole-shaped protrusion stretching out from the end of its arm, extending to match the length of my mother’s intestines. It studied something for a second, before shrugging, and nodding at the robed being.
In the blink of an eye, the intestines retracted back like a frightened snake and piled back inside mum’s body. I just stared, not able to understand. The sides of the incision pulled into each other and appeared to heal completely in a matter of seconds. As soon as I’d processed this, I felt my restraints slacken then disappear entirely, and I shot to my feet, nearly tripping over again, and grasped onto mum’s arm.
I pulled, under the assumption that she’d been released. She wasn’t. Why weren’t they letting her go?
Freezing up, I cranked my head to look at the beings. More flashing lights. The one in a T-shirt was handing something over to the other, but I couldn’t see anything passing between them. Maybe it was something invisible, or something my mind just wasn’t built to perceive.
I continued to tug mechanically, trying to free her. Her skin was cold and slick and she was shivering. It did no good. The black crystal held fast. I nearly collapsed in relief and shock when the robed figure began to ascend back up to the prism it had come from, but the other grabbed onto its gown, communicating something. The robed being dropped back down, but threw its arms out in what I’d guessed was frustration. T-shirt gestured towards us again, still conversing with the other, waving its arms around. Still, the robed figure seemed to acquiesce and slid across the ground towards us again. Lights continued to flash behind its grill-face, all varying shades of orange and red. Like it was angry.
I couldn’t let it happen again, and lunged at it, planning to do - I don’t really know. I just wanted to protect my mum. Right as I made contact with the being, I felt a shift in the air. The fluid in my ears swirled. It made me dizzy. When my eyes stopped rolling to the side, I realised I was being held still by two pale, stunted arms, with odd patches of hot and cold travelling around on its skin. Somehow, I’d wound up in the arms of the being wearing a T-shirt, and those arms held me tight, tighter than any living thing should be able to.
“GET THE FUCK OFF ME!!” I screamed, flailing and lashing out. In a desperate bet for escape I tried to bite down on one of its arms. It felt like I’d been curb stomped, like I’d bitten down full-force on granite.
I kind of gave up after that. It just hurt too much to think. Instead, I took in my surroundings. Where was I again? Mum… mum.
The robed being was standing in the way of her, but it was doing something. I couldn’t see what, but by the way mum was squealing behind her gag, it made the first procedure sound like a pillow fight. I just cried. There was no other avenue for relief except the tears.
Then, everything went quiet. Mum trailed off into a whine, and then nothing. No wind, and no trees or leaves rustling, because they’d all vanished. Just me, mum, and these things. The one holding me loosened its grip and I gasped, gulping down stagnant air. It floated over to where mum was and the robed being stepped aside, finally letting me see what was happening.
I didn’t really want to know. I really, really didn’t. But my muscles were locked in place.
In one… hand? The robed being held one end of an artery it had pulled out of mum’s chest. Without warning, the two entities shot up into the air, coming to a halt somewhere above. As they moved, more blood vessels phased through the skin of mum’s body, contorting and straightening to fuse at their ends, forming an unholy, pulsing rope.
With speed faster than I could process, the beings flew away, vanishing into the night while clutching the single fused vessel of veins, arteries, and capillaries. There was blood, yes, but only a little. It all seemed to be contained in that one long tube they continued to pull along through the atmosphere.
From the opposite direction, they passed once. I saw them pass over one more time and disappear into the distance before the meaty vessel pulled taut. At the time, I hadn’t really pieced it together - I think they’d looped around the entire planet. Not once, but twice, and then some, in what couldn’t have been more than ten seconds.
I blinked, and they were back, standing in the parking lot and flashing their lights at each other. I didn’t even have the energy to whisper in protest. T-shirt looked reluctant in some way, and handed over more of something I couldn’t see to the robed entity.
As they did this, the red string they’d made from mum’s blood vessels pulled back by itself at impossible speeds, retracting out of over two loops of planet Earth and back into my mum, breaking apart, phasing back inside and reassembling into their proper structure. That’s what I’d guessed, anyway.
Glassy eyed and so, so pale, the crystalline restraints dissolved and my mum slumped limp to the ground. I stood motionless for a second before realising my own restraints were gone as well, and I bolted over to her.
I was whispering something. Assurances, maybe apologies, I can’t remember. The two beings watched us, then they ascended, back up to the dark prism and out of sight. It began to pull back, up into the sky, and when I blinked, all the trees and the grass were back.
It all felt normal. Almost normal. The only change was that the sky was a little darker, and my mum felt a little colder. Then a lot colder. I placed two fingers on her neck. There was no pulse.
When the paramedics arrived, they rushed over to us. Their movements were frantic but controlled. Just thirty seconds later, that urgent energy was gone, replaced by a dull rhythm that told me all I needed to know.
She was pronounced dead on scene.
The coroner later concluded that mum had simply ‘died’. No cause could be found, but brain damage signified a level of hypoxia. I guess that’s what happens when your blood is outside of you, even if just for a minute.
Strangely, I found my anxiety to diminish after that night. It still flares up now and then, but most of the time, there’s just this hollow feeling in its place. I don’t go to Aldi anymore. Seems silly to mull over something like that, but I can’t even be near those big parking lots now. I get my groceries delivered.
Maybe it sounds like I’m managing - I am. Inside, though, there’s a crack that can’t be fixed, can’t be filled. It’s worn down over time, gotten less jagged and easier to deal with. Things don’t really shock me anymore, or at least, the shock is dulled.
There will be no justice for her. Even if I sought it, I doubt we could ever even access whatever plane those beings hail from. Whatever power we think we have, all those things see when they look at us is a world of monkeys, banging stones together. I’m sure of it.
In fact, I’m willing to bet on it.
As much as they bet on my mum.

“Ugh, Emma, can you get the trunk for me?”
The dim winter sun was setting over the parking lot, nearly devoid of shoppers at this late hour, aside from a van in one distant corner that had just started backing out of its spot.
I set my bag down in the passenger seat and rounded the side of my mum’s penicillium-green Camry, met with her impatient and lightly sweating face. I popped the trunk, allowing her to practically collapse into it with the weight of the groceries. Something burst in one of the bags, prompting her to curse under her breath.
“I just don’t get why you won’t stick a quarter in those trolleys over there. You get it back afterwards.”
Mum, still arranging the bags into a position that would stop them toppling over on the drive home, looked at me scornfully.
“The Walmart downtown doesn’t make you pay. None of the stores around here do, so why should I? You know we only come here to Aldi ‘cause it’s cheaper.”
“I just said you get the quarter back afterwards. It’s to make sure people put the trolleys back,” I sighed, knowing there was no swaying her. Instead of shooting back with some flimsy reasoning, mum patted her pockets and swore.
“Oh for goodness sake, I’ve gone and left my wallet at the till again, haven’t I?”
Before I could get a word out, she was gone like a rocket, racing against the store’s closing time. Night’s chill descended, raising gooseflesh, so I slammed the trunk and hopped back into the passenger seat, out of the cold.
I sat there, praying my mum had the haste to get back soon with the keys and start up the heating. There was something else, though. My heart made itself known with a rising, incessant pulse. Was something wrong?
“Not this again,” I groaned, shutting my eyes and following a basic breathing routine to calm my nerves. The anxiety was bad enough, but the anger I felt at the nonsense panic had always been worse for me.
“Just stop it. Lasagna’s waiting for us at home. It’s gonna be so g–”
I opened my eyes.
Had I heard something? No, not heard, felt? I leaned forward to scan the parking lot. Nothing. Then I jumped back in my seat. There it was again. It was subtle, so much so I was surprised I’d even noticed it. A light, but bone-deep vibration was emanating from somewhere. Almost like someone nearby was subtly trying to pull down on a gigantic zipper, one tooth at a time. The comparison should’ve sounded silly, but my heart continued to pound faster and faster until I was sure beyond a doubt that something bad would happen. Something was wrong.
It took me longer than I’d have liked to get out, with the seat belt clamping as I struggled to unbuckle. There was no smell in the air. Did it smell before? I couldn’t remember. No more cars in the lot, only the Camry. No more noise.
Again, that slight vibration in the air. Too low a frequency to determine its source, but enough to sense it was there. I tilted my head, staring up at lumpy clouds that cast shadows on each other. Ah, those clouds. I’ve always loved how they look around sundown. It helped to ease my heart a little.
Until one of the shadows moved.
I’m not stupid, I thought it was just a cloud’s shadow matching its slow drift across the sky - I squinted. The shadow wasn’t being cast on a cloud. It was above, or behind them, which made me realise whatever I was seeing, it wasn’t a shadow.
What happened next is hard to articulate. I’ve never seen anything else like it, before or since. The dark mass above the clouds began to sort of extend, beaming down at an angle, like sun rays but moving at a steady pace, or how water or ink moves up paper by way of capillary action. A black beam. But, it was more than that.
I was so absorbed in the spectacle, it hadn’t fully dawned on me that this thing was getting closer. Closer to me. And as it closed in, there was no mistaking it. While it continued to stretch all the way back above the clouds, the outline of it, the cross-section, was almost human-shaped. Arms, head, body, and legs, but the limbs ended in stunted nubs, like a stick figure.
By the time it stopped a good three or four storeys above, I still hadn’t moved. I couldn’t. I could do nothing but watch in disbelief as lights and layers of colour began to flash inside the human-ish figure, seeming to have parallax, as if whatever lay beyond was a space of its own.
Amazingly, something managed to distract me for a moment. A flash of light in my peripheral. A phone torch.
“Emma? Emma! Are you having a stroke or something?”
I blinked.
“What– no? I mean, I…”
Mum was back, apparently still without her wallet, now scanning the asphalt for any sign of it. Why didn’t I hear her coming back?
She clicked her tongue.
“Then stop standing there like an idiot and help me find it. Come on, it’s getting late.”
I did, in fact, keep standing there, glancing between her and the flashing shadow prism above us. I did a double take. Those glaringly bright, almost offensively coloured layers were speeding up towards the end of the beam, towards me, piling up on themselves to assemble a figure, stepping soundlessly out into thin air.
Mum kept calling for me. I heard her, but couldn’t process her words. Everything else was secondary to the figure above us. It had fully formed, cloaked in a coarse-looking gown, with skin so pale and shadeless it was as if it radiated a faint glow. The sound of rapid footsteps brought me back to myself, and I looked down just in time to see my mum, face painted in a teetering mixture of worry and annoyance. She went to speak but I held up a hand, and pointed to the figure.
Squinting at me, she looked to where I was pointing, and froze. The whole time, I’d secretly been hoping I was just hallucinating, but she saw it too. She saw something, at least, and that was enough to confirm what I’d been dreading.
“...who is that?” she asked. Her voice sounded so small and dry. If I could’ve spoken I’d have asked, “what is that?”
Instead, I watched on in terror as the figure began a slow descent, straight down. The closer it drew, the more of it I could make out. There were these iridescent lines floating across the surface of its skin, moving like sun patterns on the bottom of a swimming pool. Like the silhouette it had emerged from, it had no hands or feet. Just rounded nubs, although those on its arms had the same slight depression in the centre.
“Car… the car. Mum, the car, get in the car, now,” I whispered. No response. I reached out, grabbing her by the arm and shaking her. She was absolutely rigid. One of us had to move, and I imagined we were both hoping the other would do so.
A second figure emerged from the prism, identical to the first, except it was wearing a plain T-shirt and shorts. At the same time, the first one finally touched down on the asphalt and stood, tilting its head up, apparently waiting for the other to arrive.
If I had any lingering doubt that these things weren’t human, it was squashed when I saw their faces - or, lack thereof. I couldn’t see any ears, and where a face should’ve been was only a circular metal grate. Maybe gold, or brass.
The four of us stood there, still and silent. They stared at us, and we stared right back, completely lost in the foreign sight of the beings. A breath, then they turned to each other. I don’t know if I expected them to talk, but they didn’t. Not in any language I know. Faint at first, getting brighter with every pulse, constellations began to flash behind the metal face-grates of each of them. I heard nothing aside from a few damped vibrations, yet somehow, I knew there was a conversation going on.
Very slowly, I took a step back, and reached an arm behind me to feel for the car. All the while, my eyes stayed locked on the beings. I kept reaching, further and further. My fingers brushed nothing but air.
One of them abruptly turned and looked at me, or at mum, I couldn’t tell. My chest tightened. This wasn’t happening. It raised one stunted arm to point at my mum, releasing another cascade of flashing lights behind its grill face. The other crossed its arms and looked over too, like it was waiting for something.
I had to risk it. I pivoted, throwing a glance over my shoulder. The car was twenty, maybe twenty-five feet away. I didn’t remember wandering that far from it. I noticed something else then: the trees, the grass, all of the greenery surrounding the parking lot was… gone. It gave me the impression of a planet that had never evolved life, or where all life was extinct. There was only bare, dark soil enclosing the lot.
Seconds before I went for the car, mum let out a scream. One that I still hear from time to time, in dreams and background noise. I spun around to see the first being, the one wearing a gown, gliding across the ground with an arm outstretched. Mum didn’t have time to move. It came to a dead stop before her, arm still raised, and I saw something emerging from the small depression at the end of its stump - what I now understood was a hole. Whatever came out was darker than the night sky, and I couldn’t place its shape, but it looked like it was made out of a mass of ever-shifting black crystals.
Mum screamed again. It was more of a gasp actually, a gasp that lasted barely a second before a bubble broke free of the shifting appendage and fixed itself over her mouth, silencing her. Another four floated down to her wrists and ankles, binding her in place and stopping her from moving as one more broke off from the being. It looked a little like an arrowhead, or some other sharp, triangular tool, a razor edge cutting through the air and hovering just over her stomach.
I understood the danger then - not for me, but her. Abandoning caution, I leapt forward, yelling,
“Get away from her!”
But I rolled my ankle and went crashing down onto cold, hard asphalt. Dazed, I tried to lift myself, and managed to look up at the beings with blood pouring from my nose and a cut on my cheek. The one in front of my mum barely seemed to notice me, giving me a quick look then getting back to the matter at hand, whatever that was.
Mum squirmed against her restraints, issuing muffled groans through her nose. I forced my limbs to work, but I was held fast. Mounds of that shifting black crystal had smothered my hands, binding them to the ground.
I looked at my mum, helpless, terrified. She met my eyes, blinked away a tear, and squeezed her eyelids shut. At the back, the being wearing a T-shirt made some kind of gesture, like it was impatient, and the robed being nodded, turning back to mum and directing the arrow-shaped object. At the same time, her blouse began to lift up and off her, pulled by an invisible force and exposing her belly. The being hesitated for a second, and I felt a spark of hope, that it might show mercy.
But of course it didn’t.
The dark arrowhead pressed into her skin, slicing through layers like butter and dragging a line downwards, leaving a clean incision. Wasting no time, the being reached inside, fiddled around for a moment, then pulled out the severed end of my mum’s intestine. Blood and shit splattered the ground, trailing away from her as the being floated backwards, keeping hold of the organ until it was stretched to its full length.
I tasted bile.
“STOP! You fucks, you fucking–”
A gush of vomit interrupted me, flooding out onto the ground and mixing in with the intestinal fluids to create a disgusting, speckled pattern which prompted another wave of vomit from me and tears to cloud my vision.
“Please…”
I wiped my sleeve over my eyes so I could see. The being in a T-shirt had a long, pole-shaped protrusion stretching out from the end of its arm, extending to match the length of my mother’s intestines. It studied something for a second, before shrugging, and nodding at the robed being.
In the blink of an eye, the intestines retracted back like a frightened snake and piled back inside mum’s body. I just stared, not able to understand. The sides of the incision pulled into each other and appeared to heal completely in a matter of seconds. As soon as I’d processed this, I felt my restraints slacken then disappear entirely, and I shot to my feet, nearly tripping over again, and grasped onto mum’s arm.
I pulled, under the assumption that she’d been released. She wasn’t. Why weren’t they letting her go?
Freezing up, I cranked my head to look at the beings. More flashing lights. The one in a T-shirt was handing something over to the other, but I couldn’t see anything passing between them. Maybe it was something invisible, or something my mind just wasn’t built to perceive.
I continued to tug mechanically, trying to free her. Her skin was cold and slick and she was shivering. It did no good. The black crystal held fast. I nearly collapsed in relief and shock when the robed figure began to ascend back up to the prism it had come from, but the other grabbed onto its gown, communicating something. The robed being dropped back down, but threw its arms out in what I’d guessed was frustration. T-shirt gestured towards us again, still conversing with the other, waving its arms around. Still, the robed figure seemed to acquiesce and slid across the ground towards us again. Lights continued to flash behind its grill-face, all varying shades of orange and red. Like it was angry.
I couldn’t let it happen again, and lunged at it, planning to do - I don’t really know. I just wanted to protect my mum. Right as I made contact with the being, I felt a shift in the air. The fluid in my ears swirled. It made me dizzy. When my eyes stopped rolling to the side, I realised I was being held still by two pale, stunted arms, with odd patches of hot and cold travelling around on its skin. Somehow, I’d wound up in the arms of the being wearing a T-shirt, and those arms held me tight, tighter than any living thing should be able to.
“GET THE FUCK OFF ME!!” I screamed, flailing and lashing out. In a desperate bet for escape I tried to bite down on one of its arms. It felt like I’d been curb stomped, like I’d bitten down full-force on granite.
I kind of gave up after that. It just hurt too much to think. Instead, I took in my surroundings. Where was I again? Mum… mum.
The robed being was standing in the way of her, but it was doing something. I couldn’t see what, but by the way mum was squealing behind her gag, it made the first procedure sound like a pillow fight. I just cried. There was no other avenue for relief except the tears.
Then, everything went quiet. Mum trailed off into a whine, and then nothing. No wind, and no trees or leaves rustling, because they’d all vanished. Just me, mum, and these things. The one holding me loosened its grip and I gasped, gulping down stagnant air. It floated over to where mum was and the robed being stepped aside, finally letting me see what was happening.
I didn’t really want to know. I really, really didn’t. But my muscles were locked in place.
In one… hand? The robed being held one end of an artery it had pulled out of mum’s chest. Without warning, the two entities shot up into the air, coming to a halt somewhere above. As they moved, more blood vessels phased through the skin of mum’s body, contorting and straightening to fuse at their ends, forming an unholy, pulsing rope.
With speed faster than I could process, the beings flew away, vanishing into the night while clutching the single fused vessel of veins, arteries, and capillaries. There was blood, yes, but only a little. It all seemed to be contained in that one long tube they continued to pull along through the atmosphere.
From the opposite direction, they passed once. I saw them pass over one more time and disappear into the distance before the meaty vessel pulled taut. At the time, I hadn’t really pieced it together - I think they’d looped around the entire planet. Not once, but twice, and then some, in what couldn’t have been more than ten seconds.
I blinked, and they were back, standing in the parking lot and flashing their lights at each other. I didn’t even have the energy to whisper in protest. T-shirt looked reluctant in some way, and handed over more of something I couldn’t see to the robed entity.
As they did this, the red string they’d made from mum’s blood vessels pulled back by itself at impossible speeds, retracting out of over two loops of planet Earth and back into my mum, breaking apart, phasing back inside and reassembling into their proper structure. That’s what I’d guessed, anyway.
Glassy eyed and so, so pale, the crystalline restraints dissolved and my mum slumped limp to the ground. I stood motionless for a second before realising my own restraints were gone as well, and I bolted over to her.
I was whispering something. Assurances, maybe apologies, I can’t remember. The two beings watched us, then they ascended, back up to the dark prism and out of sight. It began to pull back, up into the sky, and when I blinked, all the trees and the grass were back.
It all felt normal. Almost normal. The only change was that the sky was a little darker, and my mum felt a little colder. Then a lot colder. I placed two fingers on her neck. There was no pulse.
When the paramedics arrived, they rushed over to us. Their movements were frantic but controlled. Just thirty seconds later, that urgent energy was gone, replaced by a dull rhythm that told me all I needed to know.
She was pronounced dead on scene.
The coroner later concluded that mum had simply ‘died’. No cause could be found, but brain damage signified a level of hypoxia. I guess that’s what happens when your blood is outside of you, even if just for a minute.
Strangely, I found my anxiety to diminish after that night. It still flares up now and then, but most of the time, there’s just this hollow feeling in its place. I don’t go to Aldi anymore. Seems silly to mull over something like that, but I can’t even be near those big parking lots now. I get my groceries delivered.
Maybe it sounds like I’m managing - I am. Inside, though, there’s a crack that can’t be fixed, can’t be filled. It’s worn down over time, gotten less jagged and easier to deal with. Things don’t really shock me anymore, or at least, the shock is dulled.
There will be no justice for her. Even if I sought it, I doubt we could ever even access whatever plane those beings hail from. Whatever power we think we have, all those things see when they look at us is a world of monkeys, banging stones together. I’m sure of it.
In fact, I’m willing to bet on it.
As much as they bet on my mum.

1. My pain, My light

When you knew me, I was about to fall down into the pit of pain I had been running from while also looking at, my whole life. You knew this. I thought having a degree, being a provider type girlfriend (like my dad was) and someone who heals others would shield me from it. I was wrong. I know this pain now, I know the dark corners of my mind and the beautiful sunlight of my soul. The happy is not gone. It's a part of me. You don't have access to it. I guard that part of me dearly because it's been taken from me before. It's been rained down on in ways you have done to me. I think you didn't recognize me in the tunnel of my feelings, you focused on the manifestations and punished me for them and what they represented to you. You didn't have the recovery of yourself to meet me there but still expected that from me.
I had to guard it from you. I had to try to Frankenstein it together for the world and you tried to take off the pins and needles that held me together when you pleased. That felt violating. I was not done with my BIG TASK. I told you immediately when we met. When we discovered we had feelings, I said to you, "Let's be friends because I'm in the middle of nursing school. Right now isn't the best time." Because I knew I was growing love for YOU and actually wanted it to work. When you shared that might not actually work, I held on despite my better judgement, I should have let you walk. You are wrong to think I preyed on your love. You saw me fighting the fight of my life and at many times, you joined in on the other side of the ring. Whatever unconscious things I did to you, I'm sorry. They were unconscious. I don't doubt that I unintentionally gaslight you often, that's what was done to me. That would make sense. And for that, I'm very sorry.

1. Yes, I'm a Flirt

I will say, I did not kiss another man, sleep with another, touch another man, nothing. Am I flirt? Yes. I always have been. I am a harmless flirt, remember, in your own words-I push away people who actually are into me...That freaks me out. I walk into a room and at least one person is attracted me, since forever. That's not my fault.

1. Only Fans

I saw that a character with a really unattractive voice on Love is Blind (which is a show I watched) got an only fans and I was curiously fucking around and finding out what that was about. No intention of acting on the impulse to look.

1. Sean I and Sean II

That guy Sean DID have a crush on me. No we never got together. There was a Sean from 2020 I had a little thing with and I ended things with him back then. The screen shot was for Sandi.

1. Pushing away people who care about me

Yes, I have an impulse to push away people that care about me. The open channel where care and help is was foreign and scary to me. Now it's just like walking past a hornet at an aqua park. I know it’s there but I can go enjoy the day. You tried to give it faster than I can process. I DID want to melt into your arms and feel safe and in those spaces and we did many times. You would get very defensive about religion or other hot topics that I needed to hold onto. I also felt how you were ashamed of my emotional bruises before you started to make fun of them. That made me close off to you. I felt you pop my mental floats and told me to hold onto you. So I was mad but, I held on. I thought I was supposed to. That's how I felt. I am an independent person but a physical touch/quality time/acts of service type of romantic. I know you felt it. I offered to literally be the workhorse so we could live somewhere beautiful together and give you a chance to start something, even if it was just painting. That is a sacrifice that never got acknowledged even while I was in the school stage of that process. But I learned you were into “ the salary lol”

1. Your Pain, Your Shame

There were times you were not well and I gave you some of my *touch* and warmed you with my soul. I did it far more often than you noticed. I loved you just as much as you loved me. I had to compartmentalize this when you wanted more from me than I could give. Before I did the inner work I have done now, I didn't know I went deeper, that there was deeper. I was abandoned. You were reaching into the lost girl in me and scaring her then getting mad at her. She was just trying to not drown. That made more of my defenses come out. I did feel you may have wanted to be with me for the nursing salary which would turn out to be true. It would turn out to be true you thought very little of me. It would turn out to be true you lied about friends like Boon & Megan who were never together because Megan dated my friend Alex, I met them through the local music scene I'm now a part of. You lied about a lot, I think because you were embarrassed to admit you didn't have friends. People will not stick around people who are needy, even though you need basic things, people are just trying to survival at the most basic level and will never put you before themselves. You tried to do that for me, which I don't think is love because the result was a dysfunctional relationship. It was idealizing me into someone that when I fell short of being her, I paid for it. You held contempt and resentment for me because of this which think birthed your contempt and suspiciousness. We were on different levels of Maslow's Hierarchy of needs. I needed basics, you were ready for more. That's why I forced myself to finish school. The way I've seen you talk about women sounds like a "nice guy". You think very highly of yourself, in a way that makes others shrink. You rise up by stepping on people. You were going to step on me and use my money and my innocence. I got wise and angry. I know when you are in a better place you will see the field you assess yourself and others on, isn't always accurate. You have empathy but you don't have experience to know how to make space for others to bloom. You did not allow for this in me. You kept showering me with your insecurities, apathy for my feelings and machine gun style attacks at me doing the best I could with what I had at the time. That is cruel. I saw a lot of that. Women are not perfect. The ones that you claim are crazy for saying they are neurodivergent or men have hurt them, are sometimes that stereotype and scorching the earth with their pain. I've had times in my life where I've gone through that phase. It's part of grief. You have sounded very elitist and looked that way when I saw you both times. You think you are the prime example of manhood, you need to look at how you are not the hot shit you think you are. You are very disrespectful to people without warning, you also need to look at that. You are impulsive, which sets in motion all of this. I had no problem showing you were not the hottest shit around and I think that, to you, that meant I was cheating or that I didn't appreciate you. It meant, you needed a dose of humble and to learn how to actually listen. Not just for what you want to hear.
You lied in court several times. You did tell me to go die, you did call the cops on me for making my knuckles. You filed a police report on me for the bike. You spoke about me like trash and you have for a long time. You are not loving savior type. You are cunning and malicious. I believe you are very selfish and misled by your impulses. I don't know everything you did but I saw just how incredibly manipulative you can be. The judge fell for it.

1. When you decided to cross my boundaries here's what happened

Whatever it is you saw in me and wanted me to face, the rate you were pushing me to face it was faster than I could handle and that made you a threat to me, subconsciously and emotionally. That made my defenses come up. It was not on your time for me to heal from my life's pain, no matter how ready you were for your dream girl, I needed shelter you COULD NOT give. So I was very unhappy and SCARED of you. You hurt my inside. I was scared of how far you would go based on your selfish impulses and for that I needed legal help to keep you away from me. You were going to push me into a mental hell. You would not validate my inner world. You just picked through it. That felt like awake surgery to me, so it was dangerous.

1. The Truth of your Posts

You thought very little of me and liked the emotional rollercoaster more than the love. Because when the love was there, you didn't know how to engage. You would leave me hanging morning after morning. Days of it. I had every right to be as cold with you because your inner belief system thought I was scum. How wrong you are.

1. Closure

I don't think there's any good conversation to have with you until life throws some stuff at you that makes you open your heart more and talk less/listen more. That will take years. I wish you a happy life, a loving marriage and family and hope you finally learn that it's insides of people that count. That's who they are, not their muscles, job, money, talent-it's the inner person who put those things together to survive. I love myself, I have made a life out of being left in a dumpster for people. You see as the person who belongs back in that box while also seeing me as someone worth more. So you are confused about who I am. I am not. I don't fit in a box. I refuse to be put in a box. Boxes mean pain. But I will love the person I'm supposed to love with every beat of my heart and I know this about myself. I feel it. I felt it with you. You missed it. My fear, my PTSD was never yours to announce or bring up. Conversations could be had at any moment if they are open and two way streets. You are not a sorry, weak person. You know this. You played that very well. I chose not to. You see I am strong now. whatever you want to throw at me will wash off with the rain of my tears and I will bloom and bloom into a garden so big it will give my family I build a beautiful thing. I'm not ready yet. Letting go of you is the next thing on my list. So you are free. I don't hate you. I believe you won't hurt me. I hope you unbury your imperfect self and accept him so you can accept others for their wrinkles/bald spots/weakness/emotional holes and all. That's loving someone, to me. Like the velveteen rabbit. It's inside out. Non-verbals to verbals. I wish you learn what lessons you need to learn and your heart gets so full it starts singing. Yes, I loved you first. I said it first too. You forgot that part. You expected me to believe you didn't flash a group of women when the police said that about you too. Whatever was proven or you fell like you "won", I hope it's what you wanted. You showed me you would have tore into me the whole way through. I don't trust you. I just wish you peace. You are the most manipulative person I have ever met. More than my mother. That’s what this whole thing was. You manipulated the shit out of me & my boundaries are not leaving. Ever. I am blessed with them.
Moral of the story: Ex would not listen to my boundaries. Would push my buttons to peer into the person I was at my worst and then neglect her further. The boundaries I have in place now are staying. This needed to come off my chest to acknowledge my feelings which have been long ignored. Keep the boundaries. Stay no contact. Love yourself more the darkness they seduce you with. It’s click bait. It’s click bait love. He was a virus to my hard drive.

Hi all!
I am looking for a roommate to share my clean and spacious 2bed2bath condo in Fairfax, next to Fair Oaks mall. Condo community is Fairmont condos. Perks include:

• utility included
• great natural lights
• shared kitchen and living room
• parking available, public transportation is also good
• in unit washedryer
• walking distance to Safeway and Fair Oaks mall
• minutes away from 66, 50, and Fairfax parkway
• unfurnished but let me know if you need basic bed frame and a desk
• an outdoor pool... if you really need that info

Shoot me a DM if you are a lady looking to room with another young professional. Rates will start from $1200 a month for a lease longer than 3 months. Month-to-month are available too - ideal for travel nurses or jobs that have to move. Rent will be available until July 2025 so let me know what lease term you want. One month rent is required for a deposit.
Thanks!

Hello! First time posting on here and first time applying for something that didn't have my resume attached. (First time applying for anything like this...)
To my surprise, I'm on "Stage 3: Referee checks". I managed to get that sorted in the first 24 hours after receiving the news. I believe the window closes for my references later this evening.
Is anyone able to tell me how long they waited for after they submitted their referee checks? I know if I happened to be successful, I'll be in a merit pool. From what I've read so far, it seems even being in the pool doesn't guarantee a job. I do remember reading that it'll take several weeks after the job closes to go through the applications, so I'm only guessing that it could roughly take the same amount of time for the checks.
I only applied on a whim when a regular customer of mine suggested the job. I honestly didn't think I'd pass the Vervoe or SOVA assessment, but a lot of the feedback was in the high-range.
Anyways, sorry for yapping. I'm not entirely sure if I'm even allowed to post about this, so if need to take this down, please let me know. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks for your time! <3

PAY PACKAGE: $2852 weekly gross on 36 HRS ($35.50 HR + $51.75 OT + $1,610 Per DIem)
SHIFT: DAY
START DATES: 5/28 or 6/28
LENGTH: 13 weeks
​

• Must have : Chemotherapy certification through the Oncology Nursing Society- required (ONS)
• 2 year minimum BMT oncology experience
• No On Call
• Ratio 3:5 patients

​
If you are interested in more info or to get submitted email resume & certs to [AGustamente@Prolinkstaff.com](mailto:AGustamente@Prolinkstaff.com)
Text or call me for details! 614-254-6567 Alexis w/ Prolink
https://www.downtowncincinnati.com/districts/over-the-rhine/
​
#BONEMARROWRN #BMTRN #ONCOLOGYRN #TravelNurse #TravelRN #TravelNurse #TravelRN #Travel #Nurse #TravelNurseJob #travelnursejobs #NurseLife #NurseLife #travelnurseadventures #TravelNurseCommunity #CINCYRN #CINCYNURSE #CINCINATTIREDS #KINGSISLAND #QUEENCITY

During these two years of Aaron being locked up I think she'll actually get over him and get used to not being around him cause this is gonna be the longest they have been separated and move on to the next big thing . McKenna always being indecisive and delusion and never knows what she wants , everyday is always something new that she wants to do whether its being a nurse , buying a new car , buying a new house , getting a lipo , luxury pool or buying the lot nextdoor she always so busy WANTING new things . I think her vlogs from now on are gonna be more chilled cause now Aaron's locked up and there not much drug money anymore . Her fans are gonna have to say goodbye to all the huge target hauls and huge Sephora hauls ect. It's gonna be really sad to watch and her next vlogs for the next few years are gonna be her trying to hold it down , interested to see how far shes gonna go .

As you guys know, walang kasiguraduhan sa freelancing so eto nanaman ako ngayon naghahanap ng bagong client/agency/company. For context, I used to have one client earlier this year (from Upwork) and we had a very easy partnership but nagkaron siya ng personal issues so I was offboarded ng April 30. Right after the I found out nagstart agad ako maghanap ng clients and companies I could apply to and so far ito ang breakdown ng mga application na pinagdaanan ko.

1. Upwork - Since dito ko nahanap young last client ko, dito rin ako nagstart ulit maghanap. I have a Top Rated badge in upwork so naisip ko why not use it as much as I can. I sent out 12 proposals and bought 200 connects (around 100 lang nagamit ko) which got me 2 interviews and 1 contract after a week.
   
2. CoconutVA - I've heard lots of good things about this agency so I sent in my application along with a video recording of myself through loom. Di naman mahirap yung application process, medyo time consuming lang kasi kailangan maligo (lol) and mag-ayos for the recording. Di naman required, pero syempre best foot forward. I asked ChatGPT to give me a sample script and used it as an outline for the one that I actually used. After three days (I think) I got an email back saying they included me in their potential talent pool but no guarantees pa that I'll get matched so they encourage entertaining other offers for the meantime - which is a great sign na di sila nangggatekeep ng opportunities.
   
3. FlexJobs - I found a Remote Office Assistant role from a US-based digital marketing agency na yung rate is around $2k/month. May exam din silang pinagawa and excel skill test na medj mahirap. Haven't heard from them so far pero if you guys want to apply rin (I think they're still pooling) send me a DM for the link haha.
   
4. FreeUp - The thing with FreeUp is it's like a cross between an agency and a freelancing platform. Medyo lengthy rin ang application process nila kasi maraming questions na need sagutan in paragraph form. And then I was sent an email with a module and a super easy short quiz, tapos nung pasado na they sent me an interview invite with one of their reps. After pumasa, proceed na sa account creation (just received this email an hour ago and di ko pa ginagawa so mag update ako after)
   
5. VirtualElves - I sent in an initial application and I got an email back after a few days asking me to fill out a Candidate Profile Form pero I don't think I'll be proceeding with the application at this time kasi parang di ko siya priority right now and ang dami ko pang hinihintay to hear back from.
   
6. Athena - This was one of the most grueling application process I've ever experienced, but everything was quite quick after I passed the exam last week. The interview was scheduled kaninang umaga then a few hours later I received another invitation for a training offer at 10PM tapos this coming Monday start na daw ng training. Medyo surprising lang kasi form what I've seen and heard, this process usually takes weeks prior to training.
   

Special mentions: OLJ - First time kong icheck tong platform na to just to see kung magkano ang usual rates na inooffer nila doon, tapos nanlumo ako sa nakita ko so di na ko nagaksaya pa ng oras sa site na to.
This pinned thread dito sa BuhayDigital subreddit. Pakiramdam ko ang daming nagooverlook into pero is a to as mga una kong chineck na resource when I started looking for jobs. Jan ko nahanap yung FreeUp and FlexJobs. Very useful!
One thing that I like to do is to use ChatGPT as much as I can, but I do heavy editing to not make it sound like it's written by an AI because I'm always deathly afraid that the recruiters might find out - because THEY WILL and bestie that's going to be embarassing.
The biggest tip I can give to anyone who is looking for clients right now is learn how to OPTIMIZE EVERYTHING. Optimize your resume, optimize your cover letters, optimize your online profiles, and most importantly, optimize your skills. Check mo kung among pinaka in-demand na skills and industries, then pivot accordingly.
Good luck sa mga kasabay kong naghahanap ng clients, wag tayo papa-lowball!

Link for all the chapters available for free here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road
Deep in the groaning halls of sinew and bone he awaited his audience with the god. At a wave of his hand the ribs which held up the ceiling contracted, tendons shifting within the pink walls of the chamber as the jagged, calcareous spurs that composed the doorway sank back into the spongy masses of tissue, revealing a passage curving down and out of sight.
Menash stood before the yawning portal and considered eternity. This was no an idle thought: here in the Dawning Chamber, the concept was very real. His father, Yulan, had stood in this exact spot times beyond count. When he was struck down in his prime by the Night Weaver and her Leaper offspring, torn limb from limb as he fought to defend Chthonis from a raiding party, Menash’s uncle, Aqavarr, had carried his broken remains over that grinning threshold to join the hosts of the dead, never to return.
A hot and heavy exhalation rattled up out of the depths, wafting in the acrid scent of the bonding pools and the wet slithering sound of the rebirthing canals. Menash felt a crackle of static in the corners of his mind before the signal sharpened and he heard It whisper distinctly:
“Enter…”
The familiar dread crept its way up the small of his back, and he gave a little shiver. No matter how many times he had communed with the Vitalus, he’d never been able to shake the feeling of his utter insignificance. But he persevered, walking bravely down the slurping passage, past the rows of broad antechambers lining either side of the hallway. Each one held a slumbering shape immersed in a cryogenic bath, towering hulks of muscle encased in ribbed and riveted plates of chitin. No two were alike in size or physiology, but all seemed to emanate the same primeval aura of dread that tickled Menash’s fight-or-flight-instinct, skewing it very much towards the latter response. These were the Hollowores, soulless avatars of the Vitalus, each one a tool capable of eradicating an entire species. As Menash approached, one of the living weapons stirred to life. A pronged, anvil-shaped head emerged from the bath, umbilical feeder tubes detaching from its armored flanks as the rest of its bulk followed, its mauve exoskeleton as sleek and shiny as amethyst. The Hollowore extended legs as thick as grown pine trees and lifted itself above him, its pairs of crushing pincers dripping amniotic fluids as it herded him towards the central room.
Bundles of white gossamer filaments spread all across the floor, encircling steaming pools of pus and acid. He saw arms and legs, sensory organs and entire exoskeletons being knitted before his very eyes, the amino acid chains being stitched on a layer at a time, the weeping pus evidence of microphages fighting off possible infections as the Vitalus did Its work.
These were the next generation of exomorphs, yet to be assigned to their hosts. It was here that Vitalus constantly improved the only thing that could ensure the continued survival of Menash’s subspecies. Exomorphs were bonded to Gallivants at birth, the organisms supplying their hosts with the means to breathe an atmosphere they was never meant to endure, and the strength to fight in a world that was red in tooth and claw. They were as swift as the summer wind and could multiply their host’s muscular power by up to twelve times their natural output.
But for all their God-given might, Gallivants were still mortal. They could and often did perish in the endless struggle for existence that the Vitalus called the Great Game. But even in death they could still commit their essence to posterity, passing down their defining traits through the malleable genetic code of the gilt helix. It was the Vitalus’ greatest boon; through the gilt helix a single individual could become a progenitor of an entire generation, becoming at one stroke the father of whole nations and peoples.
One day he too would prove worthy of the honor that Yulan had earned with his life. But he was not alone in that ambition. Menash was annoyed to find the crimson-clad Vezda and the cowardly Racek waiting for him inside, standing next to a large ball of filaments that hung from a tonsil-like growth hanging from the walls.
This node pulsed, emitting a small storm of bioelectric activity, networks of fungi conveying commands in the form of oscillating voltages to their communities of symbiotic bacteria, the latter containing greigite mineral crystals aligned in the shape of electromagnetic coils. Other networks hidden in the walls modulated and amplified the signals, and the three Gallivants steeled themselves for the onrushing flood of information as the Vitalus tapped into their minds.
He was a candle before the raging heart of the thunderstorm. For an instant Menash touched a fraction of Its intelligence, the divisions of time and space rolling back as they joined the ocean of shared consciousness, becoming one with the living systems of Arachnea. From the tiniest aeroplankton floating above the waves of the golden coastlines, to the herds of ultrapods munching their way through swathes of trees in the savannahs. Menash felt himself pushing up out of the soil, longing and lusting and reaching for the sunlight with a trillion green fingers uncurling, alive with the furious movement of life.
But what was that flicker of orange to the east? That searing heat, that prickling pain spreading like a cancer down his side?
The Vitalus scooped them up and hurled them headlong into hell itself. A roaring wildfire was sweeping into the heart of the eastern rainforests. Menash tasted ash and ruin, felt pieces of himself wither and burn, his branches tongues of fire, wood cracking from the intense blaze, sap boiling instantaneously upon contact and rupturing, splitting him right down the grain. He fled in terror, running, slithering, digging, swimming, flying away in crazed panic from the walls of red death closing in on him. As his skin flaked off in clumps of charcoal he looked back and saw it towering over the treetops, the epicenter of this howling vortex of destruction: the grey behemoth. Its burnished metal hide gleamed like copper, reflecting the fury of the conflagration burning well into the night.
Menash pulled his mind away before it was lost forever in the storm of electric potentials. He saw Racek and Vezda swaying on their feet, breathing hard and fast.
“Heart of the World,” he managed to gasp, “What is your bidding?”
The Hollowore maneuvered itself until it was facing him directly. Tiny beady eyes fixed him in their blank gaze. The node emitted a blue pulse and the creature shuddered as it received the signal. It opened a maw powerful enough to chew boulders into gravel and rumbled:
“This one is the alpha which survived first contact with anomalous variable. It will tell Us what occurred, and from whence this threat emerged.”
“It came from the karst mountain range, where the yellowjacket Amit live,” Menash replied, “It was destroying the largest mound in that area, massacring its inhabitants. It brought the mountain down on them—we’ve never seen anything like it. Zildiz was the first on the scene. She warned us not to approach, and that it was dangerous, but some of us,” here he cast an angry look at Vezda, “Some of us went ahead and tried to scavenge from the bodies of the dying. Then the behemoth ignited the air and burned scores of us to cinders.”
“Irrational. Why did you do this?”
“W-we thought that you had spawned the grey behemoth,” Menash stammered, embarrassed to say the least, “That it was the newest addition to the Great Game, another species of ultrafauna that would help perfect Arachnea.”
“Not so. It was made by an evil far older than the All-In-One,” replied the Vitalus, “It is called a Divine Engine. In cycles past, this evil sought to undo this world and all that inhabit it. In that, it almost succeeded.”
Menash felt his blood run cold at those words.
“Is it the only one of its kind?” Racek piped up. Menash and Vezda both bristled at his interruption; subordinates were only supposed to speak when spoken to.
“There were several deployed here in Our infancy. We had thought them all destroyed in the War of Creation.”
“Your Munificence,” Racek went on, heedless of the venomous looks he was getting from the other two, “Most of us survived because Zildiz persuaded us to dive into the river. She saved all our lives! But as I washed up on the riverbank, I saw the behemoth casting a seedpod into the skies. I did not see where it landed, but it was travelling in a high arc due east. Is this the behemoth’s method of reproducing? If so, then how many offspring can it generate from this one seed?”
The Vitalus met his questions with a minute of silence. Menash had never known It to take so long to respond to a query, and felt another stab of unease in his gut. Unless he was imagining things, the Vitalus seemed genuinely disturbed by the scenario that Racek has raised, enough to convince Menash that the danger was far from hypothetical.
“That is a distant possibility,” It said somewhat cryptically, “Regardless, We cannot allow the Engine’s continued existence.”
“Then it must be destroyed,” Vezda said, her barbed tail eagerly perking up.
“We are not certain that it can be,” the Vitalus said, and Menash heard Racek audibly gulp at the admission.
“But Your Omniscience, you alone are the arbiter of growth and decay,” Vezda said in disbelief, “Surely you can unmake this monster as well?”
“Perhaps. The Divine Engines were built to withstand the extremes of temperature, gravity, atmospheric pressure, acidity and irradiation found on semi-inhabitable exoplanets. Worlds of bareness and desolation, glassed by thermonuclear bombardment or infested with alien microorganisms. In the wars of Our youth, the Betrayers used tungsten-alloy warheads fired from space platforms to crack their bulkheads. Not even Our vessels, the Hollowores, could damage them in any significant way. We will need time to gather the raw materials and fabricate the weapons needed to end this threat.”
“What must we do?” Menash asked.
“If this variable is not dealt with, it could upset the delicate balance We have sacrificed so much to achieve. Already the wildfire it has caused will release close to 400 million metric tons of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere and destroy 2.3 million acres of forest before Our countermeasures can stop it. Time is our limiting factor. If the Engine cannot be destroyed now, it must be restrained.”
“It hasn’t moved an inch since we last saw it,” Vezda said brightly, “Maybe it has already died?”
“Yes, and maybe your mother was a horka toad,” Racek said snidely. Vezda scowled and took a step towards him, then stopped as she remembered that she trod on hallowed ground.
“Not so. It has merely gone dormant. Having expended its fuel, it is now running on the bare minimum of its reserves. My children, you must ensure that it does not wake again. Establish a quarantine zone around the Engine and let none approach, on pain of death. The Leaper kindreds will secure the ground while the Gallivants patrol the skies.”
Vezda and Menash exchanged troubled looks. Nobody wanted Leapers establishing a foothold in what was essentially a buffer zone between their subspecies. Once allowed to settle in a habitat, it would not take long for them to adapt and become masters of their new territory. Ousting them would become a battle of attrition, and given the lower birthrates of Gallivants, it was not one they could long afford.
“Respectfully, we do not require assistance from our brother kindred,” Menash ventured, “We are more than capable of safeguarding the area ourselves.”
The node throbbed again, the bioelectric flashes taking on an angry purple hue. With a sound like the grinding of a millstone the Hollowore clashed its claws together impatiently. All three of the mortals took a hasty step back.
“The alpha will obey, or another will be found that can,” the Vitalus growled at them, “All subspecies will observe a general truce during this period. This is a temporary addition to the Great Game. Those that serve Us well shall be rewarded. We shall also enlist the aid of your terrestrial cousins, as well as the Cataphract clans to replenish the soil, and lone Saints who shall rove beyond the quarantine zone.”
Menash’s unease deepened. The Vitalus was bringing together four different kindreds, some of which killed each other on sight, in a move that reeked of desperation. The kindreds had worked together before, of course, on complex projects such as altering rainfall patterns and husbanding struggling species, but never so many at once. This was bound to end in bloodshed.
“Those that break the truce shall be chemically neutered, and their gilt helix purged from the existing gene pool,” the Vitalus continued, “You will maintain this quarantine until We have dealt with the Engine.”
“It is understood!” Menash and Vezda said at once.
“But what about Zildiz?” Racek blurted out, again risking his entire lineage by speaking out of turn, “She might still be alive out there!”
“He’s right,” Menash found himself agreeing despite his dislike for Racek, “She’s our alpha, after all. It would be a shame to lose her helix. Do we have your leave to send out a party to recover her?”
The Vitalus pondered the request for a moment, then crushed his hopes when it said:
“Regrettable, the loss of the female. Valuable stock for the breeding program. But it has not responded to Our signals—it is unlikely to have survived. The female Vezda shall take up its duties as alpha.”
“But Your Benevolence—” both men cried out in unison.
“It is decided. She has risked the Great Game, and must abide by its outcome. To speak more on this would risk Our displeasure,” the god warned.
“We can’t spare the manpower anyway,” Vezda pointed out, trying not to look too pleased at Its decision. She darted a quick look at Menash, long enough for him to see the selfish desire festering in her heart. He turned away from her in disgust, baring his blades by the slightest of margins to let her know what he thought of her, then asked the Vitalus:
“But what of the Engine’s seedpod? Should we search for it?”
“Negative!” the Vitalus boomed, its node reinforcing the word with a spike of activity that sent needles of pain spearing into their heads, “We shall complete this task. It is dangerous and can be entrusted to no other.”
The Hollowore angled its massive head towards the cavernous ceiling, armored flaps on its back sliding aside as it unfurled sets of rigid sixty-meter wings. A wide sphincter on the roof gaped open and Menash saw the evening sky awash with the stars in their milky multitudes. The Hollowore took a deep breath through the spiracles lining its thorax and abdomen, pumping air through a pair of hollow tube-like protuberances under either of its wings. Menash and the others quickly scampered to a safe distance. Seconds later there was a scream of chemical combustion and the Hollowore rose into the evening skies, leaving behind a long trail of superheated gases, the backwash almost knocking Menash off his feet. They watched as the Hollowore gained altitude, making straight for the columns of billowing smoke on the horizon, a sweeping shadow blotting out the light of the heavens.
The Vitalus’ mental presence receded with it. When it did not return, they took it to mean that they were dismissed and likewise took flight and headed for Chthonis. They were hardly out of the Dawning Chamber when Vezda seized the scrawny Racek by his wings and anchored her feet right up against his back.
“Funny little man, are you? Crack jokes at my expense again, and I’ll see to it that you’ll never fly again!” she snarled, yanking hard. Racek yelled as his wings threatened to pop out of their sockets.
“Stop!” Menash said, ramming his shoulder into her and knocking the smaller male out of her grip. Vezda rounded on him, blades out and her tail aquiver with rage.
“As for you! No one should speak to the Vitalus like that!” she shrieked, “Much less gainsay It! Are you trying to get us all killed? It is the source and continuance of life itself—”
“But the Vitalus doesn’t always consider the individual scale of things,” Menash reasoned, controlling his rising anger as he tried to defuse the situation, “Its scope of thought is beyond ours. Therefore it is up to us to look after each other. None of us can win the Great Game alone. We need people like Zildiz for the species to prosper.”
“Your logic is flawed,” Vezda spat, “Empathy is a sham devised by the selfish action of the gene, which seeks only to preserve itself. At least I am honest enough to look after my own interests. Your obsession with that whore is misplaced. Heed my words, Menash. What happened today marks a change in the Great Game. Only the ruthless will reap the rewards of this era. Think on that, and act accordingly.”
The female darted off in another direction, leaving the two behind.
“Thanks,” Racek said, rubbing at his sore shoulders, “My, my. She’s really taking her promotion very seriously, isn’t she?”
“This doesn’t make us friends,” Menash said shortly, “We share a common interest, that’s all.”
The two flew together in silence for a time, the dark canopy unrolling below their feet. Racek had always been a bitter rival for Zildiz’s affections. In the mating seasons he and Menash had flown the damsel-dance against each other countless times, racing and dogfighting at top speed through the dense bamboo thickets in an effort to impress her.
But each time she had always chosen Menash. Naturally. He was the stronger, the braver, the son of the Scourge who had slain hundreds on his lightning raids into Leaper territory. Their pairings had been brief and passionate, yet she had always laughed at the end and gone on her merry way, a rose petal borne on a scented breeze, the dalliance as meaningless to her as other concerns like eating or breathing.
But not to him. Right now, all that mattered was her. And Racek was the only one in the whole wide world who knew exactly how he felt. Did that mean he could be trusted? Menash considered the enormity of what he was about to do, and wavered. Then he saw her face in the darkness of his home, the face she wore when they were all alone together, and he took a deep breath before breaking the silence, saying:
“I’ll be in charge of the quarantine. I can arrange for you to disappear for a few days. I can have one of the younglings mimic your magnetosynaptic signal, make it seem like you’re with the rest of us.”
“You’d do that? For me?” Racek said in astonishment.
“Hah. Not for you,” Menash laughed softly. He looked Racek straight in the eyes and continued: “What’ll it be, then?”
If he so much as hesitates, I’ll have to kill him here and now, Menash told himself.
“Why, yes. Yes, of course!” the little brown male said vigorously.
“Good,” Menash sighed with relief, “She’ll be very grateful to whoever brings her home. I’d do it myself, but as an alpha I can’t risk being seen as disobedient.”
“Then why give me this chance? After all that’s passed between us?”
“I should have thought that was obvious,” Menash replied. Racek digested that for a bit, then out of nowhere said:
“If I find her—when I find her—I’ll tell her exactly who it was that sent me.”
“That won’t be necessary.”
“Bah! Just so we’re even, that’s all,” Racek grinned, his mouthparts slanting askew.
“Thanks, I guess. I’d…I’d appreciate that. You do understand what we’re risking here, right?”
“Sure. We’ll be total genetic write-offs if we’re caught. But it’s not like I wanted to see tiny ugly Raceks running around the house anyway. What about you, though? Why are you putting your neck on the chopping block?”
“You know why,” Menash said quietly, his thoughts still lingering on her face.
“Yes,” Racek agreed with a wistful air, “Yes, I suppose I do.”
And the pair spoke no more until they reached Chthonis.
Link for all the chapters available for free here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road

So I'll start with I do believe I am over thinking and making this harder than it has to be. I've had pp anxiety flares and have been going to therapy for it.
That said. I can't tell if it's my anxiety or legit concerns that other people feel when it comes to taking a newborn on vacation. Lo will be right at 7m by the time we leave.
We'll be visiting at a Waterpark during our stay so was looking up things LO should wear when it comes to possibly swimming. I've become overwhelmed with buy a vest? Or a infant float (I did buy a float). With splash pad we won't need one but if we decie to get in the pool obviously I'm going to be super careful but my brain is filled with what ifs. I watched a few YouTube vids but idk if they helped.
Another thing is the drive. I wasn't worried about it before but as we're getting older the car seat is becoming more hated. They used to fall asleep quickly in the car but now not so much.
I found myself getting mentally exhausted already and not wanting to go.

I posted this over on a different sub and thought it really belonged here. I've told this story many times, so you may have read it before.
About 43 years ago, was witness to the aftermath of my mother's NDE. She was just in the hospital for evaluation of her arthritis, so her room was at the end of the hall, far away from the nurse's station. For reasons that were never fully explained, her heart stopped. A code was called and they weren't having any success at getting her heart started. She stated that she left her body and was floating above it. She remembers how sad she was about her poor body that caused her so much pain. She stated that she felt free of pain and that it was wonderful.
She watched them continue working on her with no success. The cardiologist on call left the room and she followed him down the hall because she said she wanted to know what happened to her. He went all the way down the hall to the nurse's station, gave some information and stated that he did not know why her heart stopped. She stated that she felt annoyed that he didn't know why she died.
One of the other doctors got her heart stopped by slamming his fist on her chest, breaking her breast bone and starting her heart. She was pulled back into that now, even more broken body, and did not want to go! The next thing she remembered was waking up with her chest hurting and lot of IVs.
My wife and I visited her that afternoon and she was conscious. Talking was difficult but I remember sitting by her on the bed while she told me what had happened to her. We were not religious and she chuckled softly and said, "Boy are the Christians going to be surprised." That was when her cardiologist entered the room. She asked why he didn't know why she died. She also said she'd left her body and had followed him down to the nurse's station.
He became very condescending and told her that her brain had been deprived of oxygen and she hallucinated everything. Ticked off, she replied, "Then how do I know what you said to the nurses?" She proceeded to repeat his words. I watched him go white, spin on his heel and leave the room so fast that he bounced off the door frame.
She said she never saw him again. She was also no longer afraid to die. She said that she knew she was going on a wonderful adventure and reassured both of us that it was okay to die because it's not scary. It's just the start of something new.
She passed for real about two years later. I wonder about that adventure and how she knew what the doctor had said, so far away from her room. I'm glad they are doing more research into NDE and I'm impatient to see what they discover.

I’m the oldest of six children. (F,F,M,M,M,M) Since I was a child my dad constantly compared me to my sister to the point we were constantly in competition. As we got older, the competition stopped at least on my side. My sister likes books and she reads a lot. She gets good grades and loves school. I like art and have many little hobbies, like crochet, painting, hair and beauty things. I get good grades as well, and extremely good at math but I never had the need to study a lot so I would read my books or study the night before a test because I remember things better that way. I was called lazy because of that. My dad favored my sister since she was interested in books like him. There would be times where my dad would says (in front of other people) my sister is his favorite. I would act like I don’t hear and would say it louder and ask me, you know you’re not my favorite right? All these hurt me incredibly in my teen years. I isolate a lot and struggle with boundaries with everyone in return. With all these things, he still call me when he needs something done. I planned many of his parties spending nights doing decorations because “I’m good at it”. Spending hours doing things he could do but decide to ask me. He never ask my sister because she would say no or I’m busy. No matter how busy I am he’ll ask me to do something. I was uninvited to his graduation because I couldn’t drive him to work when his car was in the garage because I had a test and I still organized his entire graduation party and paid for multiple things. I couple days before the graduation, he accused me of stealing his money and not doing nothing for party. I told him not to call me that and I had everything planned and they were getting delivered the day of. This escalated and when my brother tried to stop him from coming at him he slapped me and kicked me and him out that night. That wasn’t the first time. Anytime I stand up to him, I get smacked and kicked out for the night. But that night I was determined not to ever deal with that again. A couple months later, me and my sister moved out to which he said we would not get the apartment and we would come back begging for him and when we do, we can’t come back. Thank God we got the apartment and moved out. Ever since he’s made it his mission to remind me he doesn’t need me and “he counts on my sister to step over in his elder years” the thing is I know for a fact my sister would rather put him in a nursing home than live with him, so I always I would but I don’t want to anymore. We’ll see when he’s older and she says no. Now here’s my situation, the last two boys are twins, we’ll call them G and M. They’re 7. G is like my sister, likes books and such. M likes sports and arts. So M is not the favorite. He gets called dumb and even his twin calls him that. He doesn’t want to stay home. Every weekend he comes to my apartment and spends the weekend with me. I have a two bedroom apartment so my sister has one room I have the other. He sleeps on the couch when he comes over. I don’t have a yard, a room for him, no toys nothing that children like. Yet every weekend he comes over, asks me to make food, eat and watch tv and sometimes we go to the pool or the park or I’ll take him to get ice cream. Just little things. Every Sundays he cries when it’s time to go home. Even when I tell him I’ll pick him up next Friday he still cries. I want to take him but I really can’t support him too. I have school and internship and a job but I don’t want him to go through what I went through. What can I go to help him so he doesn’t get hurt like I did?
Sorry it’s so long, I needed y’all to understand and I kind of wanted to vent a little too.