Staffing plans nurses

I am PH nurse, currently reviewing for OET and NCLEX. No scheduled date yet for OET and NCLEX but planning to take the two on August (for OET) and NCLEX on December.
However, Im thinking na napakatagal ng waiting time for USA.(considering na makakapasa ako ng NCLEX this year)
So im opting to work muna sa Germany or UK, depende kung sino mauuna.
Seems like mas okay sa Germany kasi mag aaral ka lang ng language and processing for 1 year and 11 months so makakalabas kana ng bansa.
Pero kung igagrab ko opportunity for germany, mahhrapan naman ako sa oras ng review kasi sasabay sya sa review ko for OET and NCLEX. huhu. nalilito tuloy ako.
Kailangan ko makalabas sa pinakamabilis na paraan Bago pa man magbago ang migratiom policies ng mga bansang ito.
Any insights?

I have asked this before in the past over the last four years and only now I have learned enough about this to where it is no longer a complete mystery to me, and now that I partially know what it is, I am hoping to figure out a plan and a path to help me with my healing journey and learn how to uplift the veil/buffer that prevents me from feeling anything with my gifts, and to an extent, feeling normal in my heart chakra center.
Long story short, this is what happened that led to this veil be upon me. I had long awaited for my psychic abilities, and in turn my chakras, to fully awaken and begin to experience what life is like as a psychic and feel the world around me. I was unsure of when it would happen until I was told by a guide that they would awaken after I had turned 22 in 2020. After a lot of patience, that came true, and was unexpected to attract an unwarranted amount of spirits around me. They made me confused and anxious while I was just beginning to detect sounds and auras with my abilities coming out. And somehow, after all of this, I had only known a brief glimpse of a white, wispy silhouette of a male spirit walking away from my direction past what looked like a drawer, and then suddenly saw nothing. In short, that time in 2020 was the only time I could decently experience my abilities like I had hoped and could not find an explanation to why I couldn't have my gifts awaken without and interruptions or strange paranormal occurrences. In that year, I had felt rips and tears in my aura that felt a little draining, and as I can surmise, that contributed to my journey to recovery.
What had first started my healing and recovery journey was not only the strange attacks on my aura and the austere confusion that sullied my foretold, patient awakening, yet also a shut-off in my mind that I had later discovered from a reiki healer was in fact an energy blockage in my Third Eye, which he healed and helped me walk the first steps to growth and transformation. I have no certainty of when the veil was first put on me, but throughout the entire time afterwards, I was saddened and disappointed that I could no longer feel the healing energy of my crystals, the auras of spirit being or physical people, hear the voices and thoughts of the spirit beings, and the fact that I could no longer feel like I could daydream, know my dreams, know when I'm in a Zen state when meditating or even get a sense on how to astral project correctly. Every day since the closing of my Third Eye and the end of 2020, I felt soft, faint, numb, unfeeling and unaware of anything that used to make me feel the highs and lows of life and went about my days thinking that I had lost my sense of wonder and excitement in my heart. Scary videos and movies no longer shake or startle me, love feels/felt distant and unstirring, I could not experience bliss and excitement shared with a lover or on my own, and my artistic hobbies lost their spark. All of this simply made me feel more alien to my family and people around me while I was having reiki sessions and looking for ways to feel centered, balanced, grounded, and normal again. Although, this was considering after the fact that I had a spiritual awakening once my DNA activated my dormant psychic abilities.
All throughout this time, sometimes various spirit beings popped up and I could hardly even tell who they were or if they were even of divine love and light at all, so while this was happening, those very beings just made things more difficult to comprehend and allow myself to understand the reasoning of my family's help. Fast forward to this year after a long, austere, and oddly eventful four years since my 22nd birthday, I had in total 6 hospital visits, 2 stays at recovery centers for behavioral rehab, an absurd amount of medical debt, and an embarrassing amount of times I had argued with my family over a simple fantasy game that was a part of this four year-long story that I will not mention the name of; all of which for the same reasons that first manifested from my psychic awakening and circumstances that absolutely no nurse or doctor could even help or pinpoint. The only help I had ever received that gave me any progress was the reiki healings, medium sessions with my guardian angels and spirit guides, the crystals I owned to help with my chakras, and the cathartic realization that I was actually a starseed going through a really odd awakening.
I was sad, I was upset, I was overwhelmed, and I was simply itching for a logical, metaphysical answer that could help me further understand my internal circumstances and walk away from the chaos of trying to figure out how to even re-learn how to meditate, daydream, visualize anything, and even have a substantial certainty that I could have a trustworthy conversation with my true spirit team without any false beings intruding and confusing me. Since this journey started, I have grown a lot and had some progress in this, and in summary, I have finally found a happier ending. Yet was has perplexed me and eluded me was that I could not tell was was still keeping me from re-sensitizing myself to my abilities and feel more aware and connected throughout my body, just so that I could feel more normal within my new sense of self. What helped the most was not any doctor giving me a nasty pill for BPD or Schizophrenia, but talking with my guardian angels and them telling me that they put a veil/buffer on me to keep me safe from overstimulation and unnecessary encounters from low-vibrational beings (although from my personal perspective, it would have been helpful to not have this psychic problem with not even telling the difference between my spirit team and anyone else- thus, the great itch to remove it), and that it is very much possible to fully remove it since that it's temporary. I had even learned the real names of my angels and starseed family, and that I had a large team of angels watching over me. This helped me find progress and some peace in my heart.
And so, in the epilogue era of my life, I am still in search of the same, tangible connection with that spark of wonder and feeling comfortable and grounded within my body, as I have learned from attempting to meditate again is that there is something with my heart and mind that makes me feel so unaware, soft, and faint to the energies around me and feeling anything at all with my own body, most likely in my heart and crown chakras that could hold more answers to fulfilling my wishes. I have completely foregone the need to use a pendulum at all for spiritual communication and is not solely used for crystal energy repair and spell-work, so now I have to really use my senses to channel any information from my spirit team and feel confident enough that I can still try to get the same, transformative results that the more emotionally aware people know when they feel their breath and prana while meditating, getting a healing, and having spiritual journeys like other psychics and starseeds do. I have been feeling quite unconfident and doubtful of myself with reattuning to my senses, body, and emotions again, as now I am having encouragement from my spirit medium and my spirit team that I should endeavor into reiki practice, automatic writing, and do spirit channeling myself. Whatever is going on with my heart and how the veil/buffer affects me, its quite discouraging to even try when I couldn't even tell what's happening in my dreams at night. I do not even write down my dreams anymore ever since the end of 2020 when I had first noticed that they all felt blurry, faint, fuzzy, and distant from my usual experiences, and now, I don't even bother to try to see if I can recall any visitations or conversations with my guides and angels at night.
I am in a better position now than I was back then, yet my journey is not over. I do not know anyone that has felt like this or had known their abilities better than I did, and I would like to ask if there is anyone who knows what a veil/buffer like this is for and how I can prepare myself to be ready enough to fully remove it myself, and my angels said that I could indeed do that, although I could guess that it would have to be through some kind of spiritual journey into the self/subconscious self that I could uplift it from the inside. You can try to imagine what that would be like, with meditation, in turn, feeling as soft, faint, dark, and distant like I said.
I have noticed lately, that I can still feel sadness and joy enough to substantially make me cry a little, and I enjoy that actually, it feels more close to home of how it used to feel before I had the odd spiritual attacks and all of the other said factors of my recovery; yet nowadays, I still do not jump at a thing that would usually scare or startle me (like horror game playthroughs) or even feel a natural laugh coming on when I hear or see something that previously makes me giggle and laugh. So, I try to coax myself to smile and nod at the funny things or even fake at laughing to appear more normal in front of my family or friends. Bliss and pleasure definitely feel soft and faint as well, so I know that intimacy or romantic affection does not rouse me enough anymore. I pretty much have to encourage acting out my emotions and pretend a little, which I would rather restore the excitement and tangibility of instead of feeling low and calm all of the time.
I have no spirit beings affecting me anymore, and my life is now more steady and stable now. Yet, I know that I would still have to find a way to establish a safe and effective method to spiritually visit and talk with my spirit team so that they can help me understand my life, sense of self, and what I can do to learn more about my starseed mission and why I reincarnated into this world.
What else can I do to help further the progress I have made? What kind of modalities should I try out and help heal my heart, mind and body, to heal myself like my spirit team wanted? What kinds of advice and tips can help with a soul like me who feels somewhat "aphantasic" to formerly strong and tangible senses and feelings? What exercises and practices should I take up to help balance myself and feel and know the peace between thoughts during meditation? Perhaps more reiki is needed? Could learning reiki and other types of energy healing help me with healing and opening up my heart (where I think that most of the problem is)?
What can I do to bring more empathic awareness and start to feel normal again?
Happen to know anyone who knows what it's like to have a special veil on one's spiritual senses or had something similar to having a healing journey like this? Maybe a DNA activation or healing may help with this? Whatever it is, I would love what any of you in the spiritual community have to say, as this whole journey and how it started came as one heck of a shock and surprise to me. I never had this happen to me before. I have tried to find out if Qigong or regression hypnosis therapy would help, but if you can figure this, it was definitely not easy to even tell what kind of energy shifts were going on within me or around me, so that couldn't have helped me at the time. Neurotherapy brain scans did nothing for me, in case anyone wonders that. Any feedback on this would be great, as I don't think that it is just this veil/buffer that is the sole cause of my issue. Who else can explain this besides me? Atheist scientists cannot, priests cannot, so who else would know? Please do message me, I yearn to get closer to feeling the love and light of the universe again.
Who knows? Maybe it has something to do with a subconscious thing with my Inner Child that triggered this feeling? My former Reiki healer, Chris, did say that I had "shut off" my powers and that I had regressed inwards, so, let's see if that still holds true?

Day 0!
5/13, total lap, took uterus, cervix, tubes, and did a bladder check. Edit: both ovaries intact.
I checked in about 840, surgery about 1040. One final pregnancy test. The staff was amazing (except the anaesthesiologist was a bit of a dick to one of the nurses, I didn’t like that-I think I might be reporting that… but he was fine to me). Even my gyno who I wasn’t a fan of during our appointments, I could tell surgery is where she was meant to be. I met my OR nurse, anaesthesiologist, and my gyno/surgeon in pre-op where every single person (plus surgical day care nurse) went over everything with me again and again, and ensured I was comfortable with what we were planning to do, and confirmed that barring any issues, my catheter would be removed during surgery, and then a camera check up the urethra and into the bladder. There was a slight hiccup in something in the lab with my pre op blood work where they listed me as a c section (ABSOLUTELY NOT) and something in the test regarding transfusion expired within 3 days and I did my pre op Thursday. I was worried it was going to delay things but since I have been fortunate and never had a transfusion (and the surgeon believed me and didn’t want her day messed up, plus they had the Thursday results) they called the lab, they were there super quick, and it was drawn up then I was wheeled in to the OR. Once in the OR they had me transfer onto the table, got me situated, introduced the surgical team, and my surgeon went over everything one last time while I was still conscious and made sure everyone was on the same page and ready to go. I was given oxygen and told to take a few deep breaths, and then they started pumping meds into my IV and I was out.
From what I hear (my surgeon called my mom/pickup person) it all went like clockwork. I was out in under two hours, into recovery to wake up and when I came to, three nurses (or health care workers, whatever their role, but I think RNs) were chatting about me near my bedside on how I had a lack of requirements before I could be discharged. I don’t think they realised or expected me to be awake so quickly but I said I had been told that as soon as I could walk to the bathroom and pee on my own, I could leave. They looked a little shocked. Not sure if because I was awake or because I knew what I needed to do.
I did say in recovery to my nurse that I felt like I needed to pee, but they wanted me to wait until the hour was up in recovery and I was transferred back to surgical day care.
Once I was in day care I was given juice, digestive cookies and my phone and started texting my mom, who was right outside, and said I was back to where she could come see me. The person at the desk at the front tried not to let her in and said I wasn’t back yet (not sure if there was a lack of communication or no) but mom insisted I was texting her and telling her I was back, and the woman from the desk had to come in and check for herself that I was back… and asked my nurse-who was again nearby-and I heard the front desk woman muttering and said something about “her mom”. I piped up and said don’t try to stop her from coming in, she won’t go away and she would get in either way, I’m texting with her now. The woman didn’t like that much, but my nurse laughed and okay’d her coming in.
Nurse back in day care listened to me pretty quick, did her checks and made she I could sit/stand and disconnected my IV line. She walked me to the bathroom to make sure I was okay. I peed without issue-it was a bit tender coming out but no burning… but man. Maybe bring your own toilet paper. That rough stuff is even rougher when you’re sensitive😳
I felt immediately better cause now I knew they could let me out once my final hour in recovery was complete. Another glass of juice, some more post op checks done, and I was able to get my IV out. (I know most people wouldn’t like IVs but it was a huge hang up for me… my veins suck and it was tender and once they confirmed I could leave I wanted it GONE.
Passed the rest of the time chatting, going over discharge paperwork/instructions, then I was given the official go ahead to change and leave. Slow going, changing, and man the hospital pads are atrocious (and no wings?!). I peed once more, hating the toilet paper but loved the mesh ish shorts they gave me and asked for a couple more, and they gave me two or three more. I was allowed to leave just after 230pm.
I was able to walk out of the hospital on my own two feet. Slowly, but walking and being upright felt much better than sitting. The nurse said it was allowed as long as mom was right there (which she obviously was) in case I got dizzy. We walked out to the front entrance (elevator, no stairs of course), and I stood at a safe spot where I could sit if I needed to, while she went and got the car from the far side of the lot. I probably could have walked it, but it was slow and didn’t want to chance anything.
The ride home was a bit rough-I forgot my pillow and I think that would have helped. Held my hands/palms onto my lower belly for some support. It was manageable, I wasn’t crying out in pain or anything, but definitely internally felt every little bump despite mom trying her best to avoid them.
I’m staying in my own apartment, (parent’s offered me to stay at theirs but I’m far more comfy in my own place, and no stairs) my dad’s sleeping on the couch while my pup is at the house with my mom and their two dogs. So far I’ve been able to manage on my own but it’s nice knowing he’s here incase I need something. When I got home, much to my dad’s chagrin (he wanted to do it for me), I made myself buttered toast, had an ice cream sandwich, some arrowroot cookies, a Tylenol and after eating upright and walking in circles a bit, I went to my bed with my heating pad, pregnancy pillow and about 8462619 other pillows I adjusted as needed. I’m very happy I had a pregnancy pillow. I was debating getting the wedges but decided with the option of Amazon same day/next day delivery, if I changed my mind it wouldn’t be long without it.
Obviously there’s more internal room now, but a heads up-I’ve peed a few times since getting home (it’s near 1am) I have noticed that “hmm I need to pee” turns quickly into “YUP GOTTA GO” when I stand up. I think that little bit extra gravity assist hits when I stand. No burning, still just a bit sensitive, but I bought a peri care bottle with a nozzle on it and is it a game changer. The hospital gave me one but it didn’t have an angled nozzle, which to me is useless unless I want to climb in my shower every time or end up with water all over my floor. First time I used it, I just rinsed with cool water multiple times as it was soothing (not going into the vagina).
There’s been very little blood so far-some spotting but not much.
The pain? Feels like a concentrated day 2 of my usual bad periods, with low back pain (helped greatly with heating pad). Like most of us here… we’re used to heavy pain so it’s not all that unbearable.
I was given tramadol, and didn’t take my first one until 9pm. Didn’t love the feeling. And my limbs started tingling which was weird. That’s supposed to be a withdrawal effect. But my body doesn’t handle drugs well so could just be me. I’ll see what happens later in the night if I need something else, I’ll take it. But so far the pain/discomfort is reminding me not to sleep how i normally do-on my side with my leg up toward my abdomen.
I’ve got my naproxen and Tylenol that the pharmacy okay’d me to take instead of Advil and Tylenol.
Forgot to mention-my throat is a bit sore, but not nearly what I expected. Feels like I just spent some time around a campfire where the smoke randomly followed me. One Halls seemed to help, and of course, ice cream sandwiches 😂.
And now to wait for meeting the real me after 20+ years of being on oral birth control… should be some definite hormonal swings during recovery plus that, but can’t wait😂🤦🏻‍♀️
Edit: one thing I did that I haven’t seen posted otherwise in this subreddit is that I put a cooling cloth, soaked in water, in a ziplock bag, and stuck it laying down flat in my freezer before surgery. I don’t think I really needed to, but I had that laying (with clothing on and a tea towel wrapped around it) on my lower belly and it molded perfectly as it melted a tad, and felt great. I wasn’t told not to ice it, I wasn’t told to ice it, but I figure as long as it feels good, it’s not damaging anything or getting anything wet. Might be something for others to consider! I wouldn’t want the weight of a large ice pack or anything on me right now, but just that in the ziplock with a light pillow overtop was perfect.

My Ex-Boyfriend chose his adopted cats over his unborn child
My boyfriend (39) and I (29) decided to live together last year.
Everything seemed fine. Before he met me, he knew I had a 5-year-old child and that I wasn't married. He also had a cat. We moved in together, but he left his cat with his family.
In our new place, a stray cat started visiting us regularly, and we fed it often. I noticed he became attached to the stray, so we decided to adopt it to help him miss his cat less. I suggested we keep the cat indoors because my child often gets sick and got admitted a few times, but he got upset because the stray wasn’t used to living inside. So, I let it be even though the cat sometimes caught mice and climbed on the table. I'm not a cat person, but I tried to adjust.
When we started living together, I even adjusted my life and my son's needs. My son used to have S26 milk, but we had to switch to Bear Brand. Meanwhile, I saw my boyfriend ordering boxes of food and never buying new toys for my son ever. These red flags made me feel neglected and unimportant. We decided to merge all our salaries and split the bills. He managed the money and everything.
The stray cat gave birth to four kittens, and he was very excited and put in a lot of effort to take care of them. I wanted to rehome them because we were both busy as I have two jobs and a child to care for. We barely go out since there's a cats in our home, and he feels uneasy every time we go out for long periods.
As the kittens grew, they made a mess and smelled bad, especially during meals. The litter box besides our table. I couldn’t stand it. His behavior changed, and he told me he'd rehome them once they were older and no longer nursing. But when the time came, he showed no intention of doing so. When his sibling asked if we needed to adopt out the cats, he said he planned to keep them without consulting me.
I was shocked and we argued, making me feel like the bad guy.
Our relationship deteriorated, and every time I went downstairs, the smell made me angry. I felt like I had no say in our home. I told him that if he didn’t rehome the new cats, we would leave. I asked for at least two weeks to find a place and prepare the house I had bought. He responded, "The cats stay no matter what." That’s when I realized he chose the cats over us.
Three days after our conversation, we had a heated argument because the cats made a mess and smelled bad. He yelled at me, "When are you leaving?" He was furious. So, my child and I left immediately.
We moved far away. A few weeks later, he visited me in our new home and tried to reconcile, expressing regret for what happened. Despite everything, I loved him, so I gave him another chance. I decided to give it another try, hoping he might change his principles since we weren't living together anymore. He visited me once a week, but every time he was here, he constantly checked his phone to see how his cats were doing in CCTV. One time, while we were out grocery shopping, he seemed so rushed and preoccupied with his cats at home that it irritated me. At that time, I didn't know I was pregnant.
When I found out I was pregnant, I shared the news with him but kept my condition the same: he must rehome the cats and keep only one. He still refused. His plan was to live in my house while his cats stayed in his house. Instead of resolving things, he accused me of being an attention seeker and insecure. The stress has been overwhelming, and I've even experienced bleeding.
Also, my ex-boyfriend is quite tight on budget and has a lot of credit card debt that he is still paying off. I only found this out after we started living together. One reason I decided to live together was to help him financially. I also bought a house that I'm waiting to be turned over. I thought the additional expenses for the cats would be manageable if it was just one not 5, but with a baby on the way, it’s a different story. He is very firm in his decision. This has made me question everything even more.
So ABYG for asking my exbf to rehome his cats?

Okay, I have done my reading and boob studying! I believe I am moderately projected with even fullness. I am a UK 30H. I don't like fuller cups der l'd prefer to show a little bit of cleavage. I'm tired of wearing nursing bras that make my boobs look like a sock. I think what I am experiencing is called the "orange in small glass" phenomenon (did I say that right?). I feel like I have only found nursing bras that are "fuller cups" and cover everything and they make me feel grandma-ish and also make my breasts look pointy (in not a good way). I think what l'm looking for is padded. This is my last hope for a nursing bra as I have plans just to buy a "regular" bra. Also... if I do buy a regular bra will I be okay? Will I ruin the integrity of that bra constantly pulling the pads to the side, etc? Thanks in advance!

What would you pick? I need a career that can pay to cover inflation for like 60 years, I need a lot of money to cover for emergency savings, house savings multiple kids and a partner and myself in case my partner cannot work for medical reasons.
I’m very bad at sales, so I was bad in hair salons and two personal businesses failed. Bad at physical stamina standing 10 hours
I’m very good at school memorization, and 24/7 workweeks.
I tend to have coworkers spread rumors to get me laid off and me be called a kiss up and a smart ass to my face by them. Because I will do everything and help a boss/coworker out in every aspect and be nice about it. That’s how I see a job to be.
I’m looking at auto mechanic, CDL trucking solo, anesthesiologist, surgeon, surgical tech, vet tech, veterinarian, Lawyer for patent law, orthodontist, dental hygienist, dentist, nurse for planned parenthood(gentle environment IMO), RBT (autism behavior helping), forklift/warehouse, paramedic,
Really anything that can pay for a safer life tbh

I made a couple posts lately detailing some things I had been dealing with. I’m haven’t seen my nurse practitioner yet but I am feeling much more stable so now I’m not really sure what to tell her.
I don’t really want to tell her all of the stuff I wrote. I might tell my therapist but they might tell her themselves since they work in the same office. I’m just afraid they’ll all get worried when i think my brain just needed an adjustment period after changing my dosage.
I started tracking my mood like my therapist suggested but I might be downplaying it, or my mood switches during the day may have been counteracting each other, because it says my mood average has been a 5/10.
I’m sure the best thing would be to be honest about what happened but I’m honestly scared of what they’ll say or if she wants to change my medication again. My SO is planning on going to my appointment with me so it will all probably come out anyways.

Work and life has been a beating in the past week.
Family medical diagnosis news, 2 year anni of losing my mom on Mother’s Day, staffing issues at work that I have to backfill for… really just venting but it’s all thrown a wrench in my final review plans for ICP!
Here I sit at 2am… estimating I have max of 10-12 hours I can study the next 2 days! But I’m gonna try to maximize it!
Ive scored 75% ME1 and ME2 70%.
Was going to try to do SE1 and FR tomorrow then hammer MCQ.
Any other methods I should focus on?

Hello everyone! I recently accepted a job offer as a new grad nurse with the hospitals residency program in the ICU. My original start date was mid July however I requested my start date to be delayed to mid August instead due to a planned vacation trip. Unfortunately, my trip has been canceled and I have a whole month with nothing to do. Is it okay to ask them if I could start on my original start date instead? Or will that look unprofessional? Thank you!

I made a couple posts here lately detailing some things I had been dealing with. I’m haven’t seen my nurse practitioner yet but I am feeling much more stable so now I’m not really sure what to tell her.
I don’t really want to tell her all of the stuff I wrote. I might tell my therapist but they might tell her themselves since they work in the same office. I’m just afraid they’ll all get worried when i think my brain just needed an adjustment period after changing my dosage.
I started tracking my mood like my therapist suggested but I might be downplaying it, or my mood switches during the day may have been counteracting each other, because it says my mood average has been a 5/10.
I’m sure the best thing would be to be honest about what happened but I’m honestly scared of what they’ll say or if she wants to change my medication again. My SO is planning on going to my appointment with me so it will all probably come out anyways.

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Hi,
Apologies for the long post but I have to explain the whole scenario. Writing this post because I am thinking using my balls right now. I am 26yo working a Job earning 10 LPA. I come from a poor family as my dad did not earn anything and didn't support us my mom had a divorce when I was just 6 months old. Since then my mom learnt nursing and worked as a nurse for years to support us and to put me through college education. In college 2nd year I met this girl lets call her priya. We hit it off well and after a few months we committed to our relationship. We did most of the things together, college placements, events etc After college we got placed in different companies and after which I asked her to marry me. She was like I would need to earn quite a bit than I was earning that time (5.5 LPA) After 2 years my salary is now 10 LPA but I still don't own any significant property to my name. We live qith my mothers side of family. They have a building in which we live in a 2 BHK so living/rent is not at all an issue as my uncle owns this place. Still I assured her that I will buy a flat/land before/after marriage just to show her family I'm kinda settled. She comes from a wealthy family, her father has a construction business and they are also political in nature so naturally they earn way more. In February she had told me she was not sure about us after agreeing to marry me. Yesterday we had a fight because of the same thing. I asked her to talk about us to her family as my family is pressing for marriage as well. (My family knows about her but they want me to get married before 29) I told my family to wait for this year. I gave her this year to tell her family about us. We laid out a plan of telling her brother first as he will be able to support her in front of her father (Her father is very strict and is the sole decision maker of the house) She always has this fear that she says 90% papa will say no for this marriage and she really is scared to talk to him even for 1 day trips. I had asked her to talk to her brother first so he can help us Her brother also doesn't know about us. Since past 2 weeks she is not able to take 1 hour from her and her brothers schedule and talk with him about us. Is it that hard? They have a pretty chill relationship. But I keep hearing in between from her bff (girl) that she seems not so sure about you that is why she might be pushing this Thankyou for reading this long post and please advice me on what should I do

I need someone to hear me please.
I feel like I’ve failed my parents. I feel like a failure. I barely went to school this year, completed the bare minimum to graduate. And yet here I am. Preparing to stand next to everyone else who tried. Who deserves their diploma.
My dad died in December of 2023. From those of you who have been on this subreddit long enough you’ll recognize my story. Shorty after, my mom was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, and has been in a nursing home slowly declining since February. I see her often. But everytime it’s like a stab to the gut. Seeing my mom in this much pain. So out of it, barely speaking a word. Only 47. It breaks my heart. Nobody deserves cancer. But my mom especially. Because she is the most selfless, brave, kind, loving woman I have ever met. She gave up so much in her life and never complained. Went through cancer 3 times. While my father made it all about himself. Worked her butt off for years, being basically the only income in my household while my dad spiraled into depression and alcoholism.
Don’t get it twisted. I’d do anything for my father to come back. I miss him everyday and love him dearly. But that doesn’t excuse the pain he caused me and my family when he was drunk.
Anyways I’m getting off topic.
I was always the prodigy of the family. Taking college classes in 8th grade. All A’s etc*. When my dad died, and my mom got sick. I didn’t go back to school for months. So stuck in grief, and PTSD, and Depression. I didn’t leave my room for weeks, only to eat and go to the bathroom. Eventually, I had to go back. And I almost didn’t graduate. As I rightfully shouldn’t have. But, I had done all my work while gone. My GPA is a 3.4. So the school, thankfully, is letting me walk.
Despite this. I know I don’t deserve it. I’m not the success story they wanted. “Girl graduates after dad’s death and mom’s cancer diagnosis with honors”.
I’m not a success at all.
I don’t have any plans for my future. My dad’s gone, my mom’s dying. I haven’t told anyone the date I graduate. Haven’t set up a party. I don’t deserve their support. I don’t deserve anything.
I’m so lonely. I miss my dad. I wish my mom could see me walk. I wish they were the ones planning my party. I wish they were the ones sending out announcements. I’m not proud of myself. And I feel like they shouldn’t be either.
I’m usually good with words. But when it comes to this. this ugly feeling. I don’t know how to speak it.
Here’s something I wrote about grief. Or how I’ve experienced it everyday these past months. Maybe someone will understand it too.
“ Grief is one of those things that makes sense when you haven't experienced it. You think it's gonna be sudden. Like a cool bucket of water dumped over your head on a hot day.
A gasp of sudden breath, to make sure you're not drowning in it. In reality, it's not the water you should be dreading. That's the easy part. The shock.
It's the sun.
There's no sunscreen for grief. No way to stop it, to make it hurt less. You can run from it sure, enjoy the day.
But in the end, you're still sunburnt.”
I apologize if this makes no sense. I got sun poisoning last week and am sick af.

I’m a new grad on L&D who recently got put back on orientation 2 weeks after my 36 shifts of training. I’m noticing there seems to be no winning here. I got put back on orientation because people made up things about my performance or took something I said completely out of context. Both doctors & nurses alike.
The other new grads in my cohort are thriving, but they all worked at this hospital before/went to the associated nursing school with this hospital, so they all know each other & how the floor works. Like, I get I’m new & maybe people don’t trust me yet, but some of the treatment feels like bullying. They talk constantly about how great the other grads are doing right in front of me, push me out of conversations intentionally, make plans w/ the new grads & don’t invite me, and just generally treat me like garbage.
My original orientation was also so much bs, there was so much I didn’t learn bc my preceptor was so type A she did everything herself. My managers even apologized that I got such a crappy orientation because my preceptor was “newer” & also, there is NO UNIT BASED TRAINING MANUAL/PROTOCOLS. You basically just follow a nurse around for 12 weeks & watch what they do. Thriving here seems impossible if you didn’t already tech/student/extern here in the first place. We had one girl in the cohort who I made friends with because we were kind of “outsiders” (nothing to do with the hospital previously). Yeah, she quit the day before she was supposed to come off orientation.
My confidence just feels destroyed, I’ve worked here almost 5 months & have made no friends, which is unusual for me as I am a very social person. I get told I can’t do anything right on the daily. No praise for the good stuff. And then when I express frustration I’m told to suck it up. Idk, I’m already so drained after 5 months. Should I move to a new specialty? Try clinic nursing? Stay with it? Any advice helps!! 🧡

This is a really long story with lots of context so I'll do my best to organize it into current situation, then his backstory and hers. I'm also not using real names or specific locations for any of this to try and keep this private. This also has some contradicting stories and because of how their relationship is structured relies mostly on information I have gotten from my sister, so I'm telling you the story I got from her first and then adding in what I've found out. I'll try to tell this as unbiased as I can but it's been a huge issue in my family for a long time now and that's a little difficult for me to do.
My (20F) sister (Olivia, 24F) has been dating this guy (Trevor, 25M) since 2021. When they started dating, she talked about him fairly often, sent a few pictures of them, ect., but then after a month she stopped mentioning him/ was cagey when we (me and my mom mostly) asked how he was so we assumed it just hadn't worked out. Then two months later she insisted that my parents (54F and 56M) and I all come to visit her college to meet Trevor before he went into the Army (she lived several hours away from my parents and several hours from my college, so I had to get a bus ticket and my parents had to get a hotel room to do this. We only met him once for dinner). Now they've been dating long distance for three years after a three month in-person relationship. She is in nursing school and is planning on moving across the country (literally opposite corners of the map) to live with him and is not applying to any residency programs outside of the Army base area (limiting her choices a LOT from her original goals and narrowing employment opportunities).
Olivia met Trevor on several dating apps, matched with him, but didn't really want to go out with him. He was really persistent, so her friend convinced her to go out with him. She lied about the way they met to our parents and told them they met at the gym through a mutual friend (she lied to me about this at first too and told me the truth about 3 months after they started dating). At the time, Trevor was working as a used car salesman and living at home (~45 min. away from Olivia's school in a rural area) because his sports scholarship had been dropped before his Senior year due to covid at the college he had been attending out of state. The university was unaccredited (I later did some internet stalking and found out it was accredited), so his credits would not transfer and he would have to start over. He was saving up money to attend school in state at the large college Olivia attended so he could go back to school. **Our state has crazy low tuition costs in-state and a full-tuition scholarship program for good high school GPA and SAT scores. There was also a "feeder" community college that had half the cost per credit hour that a lot of people would go to before the larger university if they didn't get in straight out of high school.**
Olivia told me that Trevor had applied to her college and not gotten in (she later told me he HAD gotten in but been unable to afford tuition). Either way, he decided to join the Army because his father had been in the Army. The Army would take his credit hours and he would be able to finish his degree during his 5 year contract or use the GI bill once he got out. **She is comparing the situation to our father, who joined the Army directly out of high school and used the GI bill to go to college after his 2 year contract because his parents wouldn't pay for school. He was a medic in the military, worked as an EMT through college, and then went to nursing school.** The original plan was that Trevor would be a Green Beret (special forces), he completed basic training and and got several months through training and moved to the secondary base in NC before failing the running portion of a physical by about 10 seconds and being dropped from the selection process. He then decided that he wanted to be a Ranger (another elite position). He got sent back to GA, then to the Ranger school base in WA (it took a couple of months before he was sent to WA). Again, he got partway through the training before failing the running portion of a physical by a few seconds. He is now not sure if he will be continuing Ranger school (failing the physical means no, but commanders may pass him anyways if they think he should continue). For a while, Trevor told Olivia that he might not stay at the base in WA if he wasn't in Ranger school and there were a variety of different bases he could be sent to, including somewhere in Italy, so she wasn't sure where to look for jobs. In the past month, Trevor told Olivia that he would likely stay in WA regardless of the Ranger school results.
Through this all, Olivia has visited Trevor at the different military bases countless times, driving from as far as south FL to NC and putting over 30,000 miles on a brand new car over the course of the 1.5 years she's owned it. Before she had the car, she paid for plane tickets to see him and hotels whenever she visited. At the time, she told me that he was paying for all of these trips because he was unable to visit her, was making an income that wasn't being spent, and she was working to save for nursing school and later was living off of student loans and savings during nursing school. She later admitted to me that she had paid for almost all of the expenses except for food when they ate out together and part of a hotel room one weekend.
A few odd things (to me) between Olivia and Trevor over the course of their relationship:
About a month into their relationship, Trevor got Olivia an over $300 christmas gift. He has not gotten her anything nearly that expensive since, and hasn't sent flowers for things like her college graduation or a severe emergency surgery she had last year. I don't care about monetary value or sending flowers, but I do think it is odd that he spent so much before moving away when he ostensibly didn't have much money, but now that he has an income and military sign-on bonus, he has not spent that much again.
Trevor's father left Trevor, his siblings, and his mother, but Trevor has a hat that his father gave him that he wore often. The hat says "Red Man" across the top of a picture of a Native American man wearing a feathered headdress. He has worn this hat several times around Olivia's friends and they told him they didn't like it and that it was racist. They also asked him to not wear it when he was with them and he refused because it was special to him and his father gave it to him. Olivia then told him to stop wearing it and he eventually agreed (Olivia told me that he stopped wearing the hat after this). A few weeks after this, I facetimed Olivia and Trevor was with her. She turned the camera so I could say hello to him, and he was wearing the hat. I talked to Olivia about this later and she told me that that was the first time he'd worn the hat in a while and it wasn't a big deal. Olivia has always been liberal and never racist, and I am uncomfortable that she was okay with him not only wearing the hat, but being with him while he had it on.
They dated for a little over 3 months in person before he joined the military (recently, Olivia told me that they actually met several months before she told everyone about him and that they actually dated for 6 months before he left). For the next two months in basic training, he was only able to use the phone for 15 minutes total once a week to talk to family and her. Throughout the different training programs he has completed he had sporadic and limited access to phones to communicate, and only in the past 6 months he has had access to his phone to facetime, text, and call (but sometimes he goes for a week or two without phone access). Olivia told me that they wrote letters during the time he didn't have consistent phone access. **I don't think that this is odd, I understand the military limits phone usage, etc., but I don't think they have been able to have an "average" long-distance relationship**
Last year, Olivia drove to GA to visit Trevor the weekend before Valentine's day. He had plans for them to take a pottery class, go on a hike, and have dinner at a nice restaurant. The day she got there, Trevor's barracks had their off-base privileges revoked because one of the guys had contraband. She would still be able to visit him on base though. Somehow, Trevor was able to get off base for long periods of time to her hotel, but unable to do the other activities he had planned for them.
In the past year, Olivia told me that she and Trevor were going to immediately marry when she got to WA so that they could move in together because they had to be married to live together anywhere. I and our dad- who was in the military- told her several times that this was not true, but she insisted it was. Then, his barracks were given an allowance to live off base in apartments because the barracks were being renovated/ rebuilt, so she backed off on the idea of getting married immediately after several long conversations with me. She is still insistent on moving in with Trevor, who lives with a roommate, when she moves to WA.
Some background on Olivia:
Olivia has ADHD and anxiety, and struggled particularly badly with the anxiety/ some depression after being broken up with by the boyfriend she dated before Trevor (he broke it off very abruptly, told her he just didn't love her anymore with no previous indications). Olivia is very pretty (objectively, not just because she's my sister), but had bad acne that she ended up going on accutane for at the time she started dating Trevor and was very insecure about it. She had also decided to not go to medical school, and pursue nursing instead around the same time she met Trevor. This was a very upsetting decision for her because she had been taking very hard courses and was burnt out but had told everyone she was going to be a doctor and thought that she would be letting us down by switching paths. Also around the time she started seeing Trevor, Olivia began being very cruel towards our mother (our mother had been borderline emotionally abusive in the past, but Olivia and I were both in college by then and fixing our relationships with her. She has been much better recently and Olivia and I believe that she had some mental health struggles that went unchecked that contributed). Now, several years later, Olivia told our family that she had acted like that because she was rpd by a friend of her ex-boyfriend's after her ex broke up with her. This person also gave her an STD.
I always believe people who say they have been S A'd, and we believed Olivia when she first told us, but some things have come to light that make me and my family question that. Right after Olivia and her ex broke up, Olivia told our cousin that she had gone out with one of his friends and had revenge/ breakup sex with him because he had also been dumped recently. Once my cousin told me this, I remembered that Olivia had told me about a guy she had a one night stand with after she was dumped. She showed me a picture of him, talked about how cute he was, etc. (no distress whatsoever). I know sometimes people behave in ways you wouldn't expect when a traumatic event occurs to them, but I really don't understand how or why Olivia would brag about this guy if he really did S A her.
Three months ago, Olivia was arrested for stealing a set of sheets from Walmart (incidentally, right before Trevor came to visit her on leave). She used the self check-out and only bought a small $5 item and the sheets. She held both in one hand and scanned each side because she had a cut on the other hand and was holding her wallet with it. She saw a 5 in front of the total number and thought it looked right because the total should have been about $50, paid, didn't get a receipt, and walked out. An employee at the door asked to see a receipt, which Olivia didn't have, so she pulled up her transaction history on her phone to show she had paid. At this point, the employee called the police and took Olivia into an office, where she was questioned and charged with shoplifting. (Olivia can get very emotional and probably got upset when the police questioned her, which may have led them to believe she was lying). Luckily, Olivia has managed to get the charges expunged, but the process is still ongoing. Because of her ADHD, if anyone genuinely made this mistake, I would believe it from her, but Olivia has been improving a lot on organization and being more attentive recently. It is extremely uncharacteristic of her to steal- she was honest to a fault as kids- she would break down from guilt and admit things to our parents that we would have gotten away with if she hadn't said anything.
Right now, my parents have met Trevor twice in person, and I've met him once in person and several times in passing over facetime. I personally don't think that Trevor seems to keep up with my sister or that they make each other shine, and that opinion is shared with family friends and family that have met Trevor. Olivia doesn't mention Trevor in front of our parents often because his name has become a topic of contention and argument between them. My parents don't think Trevor is right for Olivia. She has almost 2 college degrees and plans to become a nurse practitioner in the future, and he hasn't finished college and doesn't seem to have any drive to do so. Olivia is also well traveled and enjoys going to museums, concerts, etc., while Trevor has lived in rural FL his whole life (this is not Trevor's fault, and I don't think he is a lesser person because of it, but I don't see a lot of common ground between them). Trevor has not seemed very well spoken when I have talked to him and I just don't see a lot of qualities in him that Olivia values.
If you've gotten this far, I just don't know what to do. Olivia and my parents have a huge rift in their relationship right now and any mention of Trevor, with her around or not, explodes into a huge argument, discussion, or just icy silence. I want Olivia to be able to talk to me about him, and we are able to discuss things much better than she is with our parents. My parents have also started asking me about Olivia and Trevor because they know Olivia shares more with me, and it makes me uncomfortable because I don't want to betray Olivia's trust, but I'm also very worried about her. I know I can't control her actions and I'm having a really hard time trying to balance supporting Olivia but not supporting the relationship (I'm not going to lie to her about how I feel, but I don't want her to feel alienated or unloved by our family, because that is NOT the case). I also think that Olivia is romanticizing the fact that our parents don't like him because my father's parents had a rift with him over our mother when we were very young (this is a whole other story, but basically, his parents always favored his sister, his sister got (I think) jealous when he did well for himself and married my mother, who his parents initially likes, and she made up rumors/lies about my mother that turned his parents against her (this was way before our mother's suspected mental health struggles, which occured when Olivia and I were in middle/high school).
Please share any thoughts you have on the situation (am I reading too into things, is this not as bad as I think it is?), and any advice you have on navigating the relationships.
Tl;dr My sister's boyfriend lied about the circumstances of him dropping out of college and joining the military. Now I think he's lying about not making it through training for two different special/ elite forces. My sister has significantly changed her behavior and I think she may have lied about a significant traumatic event to our family. Now she is planning on moving across the country to him and moving in immediately. Our entire family doesn't like him and we're worried about her. How do I support her but not her relationship?

This is a really long story with lots of context so I'll do my best to organize it into current situation, then his backstory and hers. I'm also not using real names or specific locations for any of this to try and keep this private. This also has some contradicting stories and because of how their relationship is structured relies mostly on information I have gotten from my sister, so I'm telling you the story I got from her first and then adding in what I've found out. I'll try to tell this as unbiased as I can but it's been a huge issue in my family for a long time now and that's a little difficult for me to do.
My(20F) sister (Olivia, 24F) has been dating this guy (Trevor, 25M) since 2021. When they started dating, she talked about him fairly often, sent a few pictures of them, ect., but then after a month she stopped mentioning him/ was cagey when we (me and my mom mostly) asked how he was so we assumed it just hadn't worked out. Then two months later she insisted that my parents (54F and 56M) and I all come to visit her college to meet Trevor before he went into the Army (she lived several hours away from my parents and several hours from my college, so I had to get a bus ticket and my parents had to get a hotel room to do this. We only met him once for dinner). Now they've been dating long distance for three years after a three month in-person relationship. She is in nursing school and is planning on moving across the country (literally opposite corners of the map) to live with him and is not applying to any residency programs outside of the Army base area (limiting her choices a LOT from her original goals and narrowing employment opportunities).
Olivia met Trevor on several dating apps, matched with him, but didn't really want to go out with him. He was really persistent, so her friend convinced her to go out with him. She lied about the way they met to our parents and told them they met at the gym through a mutual friend (she lied to me about this at first too and told me the truth about 3 months after they started dating). At the time, Trevor was working as a used car salesman and living at home (~45 min. away from Olivia's school in a rural area) because his sports scholarship had been dropped before his Senior year due to covid at the college he had been attending out of state. The university was unaccredited (I later did some internet stalking and found out it was accredited), so his credits would not transfer and he would have to start over. He was saving up money to attend school in state at the large college Olivia attended so he could go back to school. **Our state has crazy low tuition costs in-state and a full-tuition scholarship program for good high school GPA and SAT scores. There was also a "feeder" community college that had half the cost per credit hour that a lot of people would go to before the larger university if they didn't get in straight out of high school.**
Olivia told me that Trevor had applied to her college and not gotten in (she later told me he HAD gotten in but been unable to afford tuition). Either way, he decided to join the Army because his father had been in the Army. The Army would take his credit hours and he would be able to finish his degree during his 5 year contract or use the GI bill once he got out. **She is comparing the situation to our father, who joined the Army directly out of high school and used the GI bill to go to college after his 2 year contract because his parents wouldn't pay for school. He was a medic in the military, worked as an EMT through college, and then went to nursing school.** The original plan was that Trevor would be a Green Beret (special forces, linking the training pipeline here: https://www.reddit.com/greenberets/comments/xwdbta/current_sf_pipeline_correct_me_if_im_wrong/ ), he completed basic training and and got several months through the NC training before failing the running portion of a physical by about 10 seconds and being dropped from the selection process. He then decided that he wanted to be a Ranger (another elite position). He got sent back to GA, then to the Ranger school base in WA (it took a couple of months before he was sent to WA). Again, he got partway through the training before failing the running portion of a physical by a few seconds. He is now not sure if he will be continuing Ranger school (failing the physical means no, but commanders may pass him anyways if they think he should continue). For a while, Trevor told Olivia that he might not stay at the base in WA if he wasn't in Ranger school and there were a variety of different bases he could be sent to, including somewhere in Italy, so she wasn't sure where to look for jobs. In the past month, Trevor told Olivia that he would likely stay in WA regardless of the Ranger school results.
Through this all, Olivia has visited Trevor at the different military bases countless times, driving from as far as south FL to NC and putting over 30,000 miles on a brand new car over the course of the 1.5 years she's owned it. Before she had the car, she paid for plane tickets to see him and hotels whenever she visited. At the time, she told me that he was paying for all of these trips because he was unable to visit her, was making an income that wasn't being spent, and she was working to save for nursing school and later was living off of student loans and savings during nursing school. She later admitted to me that she had paid for almost all of the expenses except for food when they ate out together and part of a hotel room one weekend.
A few odd things (to me) between Olivia and Trevor over the course of their relationship:
About a month into their relationship, Trevor got Olivia an over $300 christmas gift. He has not gotten her anything nearly that expensive since, and hasn't sent flowers for things like her college graduation or a severe emergency surgery she had last year. I don't care about monetary value or sending flowers, but I do think it is odd that he spent so much before moving away when he ostensibly didn't have much money, but now that he has an income and military sign-on bonus, he has not spent that much again.
Trevor's father left Trevor, his siblings, and his mother, but Trevor has a hat that his father gave him that he wore often. The hat says "Red Man" across the top of a picture of a Native American man wearing a feathered headdress. He has worn this hat several times around Olivia's friends and they told him they didn't like it and that it was racist. They also asked him to not wear it when he was with them and he refused because it was special to him and his father gave it to him. Olivia then told him to stop wearing it and he eventually agreed (Olivia told me that he stopped wearing the hat after this). A few weeks after this, I facetimed Olivia and Trevor was with her. She turned the camera so I could say hello to him, and he was wearing the hat. I talked to Olivia about this later and she told me that that was the first time he'd worn the hat in a while and it wasn't a big deal. Olivia has always been liberal and never racist, and I am uncomfortable that she was okay with him not only wearing the hat, but being with him while he had it on.
They dated for a little over 3 months in person before he joined the military (recently, Olivia told me that they actually met several months before she told everyone about him and that they actually dated for 6 months before he left). For the next two months in basic training, he was only able to use the phone for 15 minutes total once a week to talk to family and her. Throughout the different training programs he has completed he had sporadic and limited access to phones to communicate, and only in the past 6 months he has had access to his phone to facetime, text, and call (but sometimes he goes for a week or two without phone access). Olivia told me that they wrote letters during the time he didn't have consistent phone access. **I don't think that this is odd, I understand the military limits phone usage, etc., but I don't think they have been able to have an "average" long-distance relationship**
Last year, Olivia drove to GA to visit Trevor the weekend before Valentine's day. He had plans for them to take a pottery class, go on a hike, and have dinner at a nice restaurant. The day she got there, Trevor's barracks had their off-base privileges revoked because one of the guys had contraband. She would still be able to visit him on base though. Somehow, Trevor was able to get off base for long periods of time to her hotel, but unable to do the other activities he had planned for them.
In the past year, Olivia told me that she and Trevor were going to immediately marry when she got to WA so that they could move in together because they had to be married to live together anywhere. I and our dad- who was in the military- told her several times that this was not true, but she insisted it was. Then, his barracks were given an allowance to live off base in apartments because the barracks were being renovated/ rebuilt, so she backed off on the idea of getting married immediately after several long conversations with me. She is still insistent on moving in with Trevor, who lives with a roommate, when she moves to WA.
Some background on Olivia:
Olivia has ADHD and anxiety, and struggled particularly badly with the anxiety/ some depression after being broken up with by the boyfriend she dated before Trevor (he broke it off very abruptly, told her he just didn't love her anymore with no previous indications). Olivia is very pretty (objectively, not just because she's my sister), but had bad acne that she ended up going on accutane for at the time she started dating Trevor and was very insecure about it. She had also decided to not go to medical school, and pursue nursing instead around the same time she met Trevor. This was a very upsetting decision for her because she had been taking very hard courses and was burnt out but had told everyone she was going to be a doctor and thought that she would be letting us down by switching paths. Also around the time she started seeing Trevor, Olivia began being very cruel towards our mother (our mother had been borderline emotionally abusive in the past, but Olivia and I were both in college by then and fixing our relationships with her. She has been much better recently and Olivia and I believe that she had some mental health struggles that went unchecked that contributed). Now, several years later, Olivia told our family that she had acted like that because she was rpd by a friend of her ex-boyfriend's after her ex broke up with her. This person also gave her an STD.
I always believe people who say they have been S A'd, and we believed Olivia when she first told us, but some things have come to light that make me and my family question that. Right after Olivia and her ex broke up, Olivia told our cousin that she had gone out with one of his friends and had revenge/ breakup sex with him because he had also been dumped recently. Once my cousin told me this, I remembered that Olivia had told me about a guy she had a one night stand with after she was dumped. She showed me a picture of him, talked about how cute he was, etc. (no distress whatsoever). I know sometimes people behave in ways you wouldn't expect when a traumatic event occurs to them, but I really don't understand how or why Olivia would brag about this guy if he really did S A her.
Three months ago, Olivia was arrested for stealing a set of sheets from Walmart (incidentally, right before Trevor came to visit her on leave). She used the self check-out and only bought a small $5 item and the sheets. She held both in one hand and scanned each side because she had a cut on the other hand and was holding her wallet with it. She saw a 5 in front of the total number and thought it looked right because the total should have been about $50, paid, didn't get a receipt, and walked out. An employee at the door asked to see a receipt, which Olivia didn't have, so she pulled up her transaction history on her phone to show she had paid. At this point, the employee called the police and took Olivia into an office, where she was questioned and charged with shoplifting. (Olivia can get very emotional and probably got upset when the police questioned her, which may have led them to believe she was lying). Luckily, Olivia has managed to get the charges expunged, but the process is still ongoing. Because of her ADHD, if anyone genuinely made this mistake, I would believe it from her, but Olivia has been improving a lot on organization and being more attentive recently. It is extremely uncharacteristic of her to steal- she was honest to a fault as kids- she would break down from guilt and admit things to our parents that we would have gotten away with if she hadn't said anything.
Right now, my parents have met Trevor twice in person, and I've met him once in person and several times in passing over facetime. I personally don't think that Trevor seems to keep up with my sister or that they make each other shine, and that opinion is shared with family friends and family that have met Trevor. Olivia doesn't mention Trevor in front of our parents often because his name has become a topic of contention and argument between them. My parents don't think Trevor is right for Olivia. She has almost 2 college degrees and plans to become a nurse practitioner in the future, and he hasn't finished college and doesn't seem to have any drive to do so. Olivia is also well traveled and enjoys going to museums, concerts, etc., while Trevor has lived in rural FL his whole life (this is not Trevor's fault, and I don't think he is a lesser person because of it, but I don't see a lot of common ground between them). Trevor has not seemed very well spoken when I have talked to him and I just don't see a lot of qualities in him that Olivia values.
If you've gotten this far, I just don't know what to do. Olivia and my parents have a huge rift in their relationship right now and any mention of Trevor, with her around or not, explodes into a huge argument, discussion, or just icy silence. I want Olivia to be able to talk to me about him, and we are able to discuss things much better than she is with our parents. My parents have also started asking me about Olivia and Trevor because they know Olivia shares more with me, and it makes me uncomfortable because I don't want to betray Olivia's trust, but I'm also very worried about her. I know I can't control her actions and I'm having a really hard time trying to balance supporting Olivia but not supporting the relationship (I'm not going to lie to her about how I feel, but I don't want her to feel alienated or unloved by our family, because that is NOT the case). I also think that Olivia is romanticizing the fact that our parents don't like him because my father's parents had a rift with him over our mother when we were very young (this is a whole other story, but basically, his parents always favored his sister, his sister got (I think) jealous when he did well for himself and married my mother, who his parents initially likes, and she made up rumors/lies about my mother that turned his parents against her (this was way before our mother's suspected mental health struggles, which occured when Olivia and I were in middle/high school).
Please share any thoughts you have on the situation (am I reading too into things, is this not as bad as I think it is?), and any advice you have on navigating the relationships.

This is a really long story with lots of context so I'll do my best to organize it into current situation, then his backstory and hers. I'm also not using real names or specific locations for any of this to try and keep this private. This also has some contradicting stories and because of how their relationship is structured relies mostly on information I have gotten from my sister, so I'm telling you the story I got from her first and then adding in what I've found out. I'll try to tell this as unbiased as I can but it's been a huge issue in my family for a long time now and that's a little difficult for me to do.
My sister (Olivia, 24F) has been dating this guy (Trevor, 25M) since 2021. When they started dating, she talked about him fairly often, sent a few pictures of them, ect., but then after a month she stopped mentioning him/ was cagey when we (me and my mom mostly) asked how he was so we assumed it just hadn't worked out. Then two months later she insisted that my parents and I all come to visit her college to meet Trevor before he went into the Army (she lived several hours away from my parents and several hours from my college, so I had to get a bus ticket and my parents had to get a hotel room to do this. We only met him once for dinner). Now they've been dating long distance for three years after a three month in-person relationship. She is in nursing school and is planning on moving across the country (literally opposite corners of the map) to live with him and is not applying to any residency programs outside of the Army base area (limiting her choices a LOT from her original goals and narrowing employment opportunities).
Olivia met Trevor on several dating apps, matched with him, but didn't really want to go out with him. He was really persistent, so her friend convinced her to go out with him. She lied about the way they met to our parents and told them they met at the gym through a mutual friend (she lied to me about this at first too and told me the truth about 3 months after they started dating). At the time, Trevor was working as a used car salesman and living at home (~45 min. away from Olivia's school in a rural area) because his sports scholarship had been dropped before his Senior year due to covid at the college he had been attending out of state. The university was unaccredited (I later did some internet stalking and found out it was accredited), so his credits would not transfer and he would have to start over. He was saving up money to attend school in state at the large college Olivia attended so he could go back to school. **Our state has crazy low tuition costs in-state and a full-tuition scholarship program for good high school GPA and SAT scores. There was also a "feeder" community college that had half the cost per credit hour that a lot of people would go to before the larger university if they didn't get in straight out of high school.**
Olivia told me that Trevor had applied to her college and not gotten in (she later told me he HAD gotten in but been unable to afford tuition). Either way, he decided to join the Army because his father had been in the Army. The Army would take his credit hours and he would be able to finish his degree during his 5 year contract or use the GI bill once he got out. **She is comparing the situation to our father, who joined the Army directly out of high school and used the GI bill to go to college after his 2 year contract because his parents wouldn't pay for school. He was a medic in the military, worked as an EMT through college, and then went to nursing school.** The original plan was that Trevor would be a Green Beret (special forces, linking the training pipeline here: https://www.reddit.com/greenberets/comments/xwdbta/current_sf_pipeline_correct_me_if_im_wrong/ ), he completed basic training and and got several months through the NC training before failing the running portion of a physical by about 10 seconds and being dropped from the selection process. He then decided that he wanted to be a Ranger (another elite position). He got sent back to GA, then to the Ranger school base in WA (it took a couple of months before he was sent to WA). Again, he got partway through the training before failing the running portion of a physical by a few seconds. He is now not sure if he will be continuing Ranger school (failing the physical means no, but commanders may pass him anyways if they think he should continue). For a while, Trevor told Olivia that he might not stay at the base in WA if he wasn't in Ranger school and there were a variety of different bases he could be sent to, including somewhere in Italy, so she wasn't sure where to look for jobs. In the past month, Trevor told Olivia that he would likely stay in WA regardless of the Ranger school results.
Through this all, Olivia has visited Trevor at the different military bases countless times, driving from as far as south FL to NC and putting over 30,000 miles on a brand new car over the course of the 1.5 years she's owned it. Before she had the car, she paid for plane tickets to see him and hotels whenever she visited. At the time, she told me that he was paying for all of these trips because he was unable to visit her, was making an income that wasn't being spent, and she was working to save for nursing school and later was living off of student loans and savings during nursing school. She later admitted to me that she had paid for almost all of the expenses except for food when they ate out together and part of a hotel room one weekend.
A few odd things (to me) between Olivia and Trevor over the course of their relationship:
About a month into their relationship, Trevor got Olivia an over $300 christmas gift. He has not gotten her anything nearly that expensive since, and hasn't sent flowers for things like her college graduation or a severe emergency surgery she had last year. I don't care about monetary value or sending flowers, but I do think it is odd that he spent so much before moving away when he ostensibly didn't have much money, but now that he has an income and military sign-on bonus, he has not spent that much again.
Trevor's father left Trevor, his siblings, and his mother, but Trevor has a hat that his father gave him that he wore often. The hat says "Red Man" across the top of a picture of a Native American man wearing a feathered headdress. He has worn this hat several times around Olivia's friends and they told him they didn't like it and that it was racist. They also asked him to not wear it when he was with them and he refused because it was special to him and his father gave it to him. Olivia then told him to stop wearing it and he eventually agreed (Olivia told me that he stopped wearing the hat after this). A few weeks after this, I facetimed Olivia and Trevor was with her. She turned the camera so I could say hello to him, and he was wearing the hat. I talked to Olivia about this later and she told me that that was the first time he'd worn the hat in a while and it wasn't a big deal. Olivia has always been liberal and never racist, and I am uncomfortable that she was okay with him not only wearing the hat, but being with him while he had it on.
They dated for a little over 3 months in person before he joined the military (recently, Olivia told me that they actually met several months before she told everyone about him and that they actually dated for 6 months before he left). For the next two months in basic training, he was only able to use the phone for 15 minutes total once a week to talk to family and her. Throughout the different training programs he has completed he had sporadic and limited access to phones to communicate, and only in the past 6 months he has had access to his phone to facetime, text, and call (but sometimes he goes for a week or two without phone access). Olivia told me that they wrote letters during the time he didn't have consistent phone access. **I don't think that this is odd, I understand the military limits phone usage, etc., but I don't think they have been able to have an "average" long-distance relationship**
Last year, Olivia drove to GA to visit Trevor the weekend before Valentine's day. He had plans for them to take a pottery class, go on a hike, and have dinner at a nice restaurant. The day she got there, Trevor's barracks had their off-base privileges revoked because one of the guys had contraband. She would still be able to visit him on base though. Somehow, Trevor was able to get off base for long periods of time to her hotel, but unable to do the other activities he had planned for them.
In the past year, Olivia told me that she and Trevor were going to immediately marry when she got to WA so that they could move in together because they had to be married to live together anywhere. I and our dad- who was in the military- told her several times that this was not true, but she insisted it was. Then, his barracks were given an allowance to live off base in apartments because the barracks were being renovated/ rebuilt, so she backed off on the idea of getting married immediately after several long conversations with me. She is still insistent on moving in with Trevor, who lives with a roommate, when she moves to WA.
Some background on Olivia:
Olivia has ADHD and anxiety, and struggled particularly badly with the anxiety/ some depression after being broken up with by the boyfriend she dated before Trevor (he broke it off very abruptly, told her he just didn't love her anymore with no previous indications). Olivia is very pretty (objectively, not just because she's my sister), but had bad acne that she ended up going on accutane for at the time she started dating Trevor and was very insecure about it. She had also decided to not go to medical school, and pursue nursing instead around the same time she met Trevor. This was a very upsetting decision for her because she had been taking very hard courses and was burnt out but had told everyone she was going to be a doctor and thought that she would be letting us down by switching paths. Also around the time she started seeing Trevor, Olivia began being very cruel towards our mother (our mother had been borderline emotionally abusive in the past, but Olivia and I were both in college by then and fixing our relationships with her. She has been much better recently and Olivia and I believe that she had some mental health struggles that went unchecked that contributed). Now, several years later, Olivia told our family that she had acted like that because she was raped by a friend of her ex-boyfriend's after her ex broke up with her. This person also gave her an STD.
I always believe people who say they have been sexually assaulted, abused, or harassed, and we believed Olivia when she first told us, but some things have come to light that make me and my family question that. Right after Olivia and her ex broke up, Olivia told our cousin that she had gone out with one of his friends and had revenge/ breakup sex with him because he had also been dumped recently. Once my cousin told me this, I remembered that Olivia had told me about a guy she had a one night stand with after she was dumped. She showed me a picture of him, talked about how cute he was, etc. (no distress whatsoever). I know sometimes people behave in ways you wouldn't expect when a traumatic event occurs to them, but I really don't understand how or why Olivia would brag about this guy if he really did sexually assault her.
Three months ago, Olivia was arrested for stealing a set of sheets from Walmart. She used the self check-out and only bought a small $5 item and the sheets. She held both in one hand and scanned each side because she had a cut on the other hand and was holding her wallet with it. She saw a 5 in front of the total number and thought it looked right because the total should have been about $50, paid, didn't get a receipt, and walked out. An employee at the door asked to see a receipt, which Olivia didn't have, so she pulled up her transaction history on her phone to show she had paid. At this point, the employee called the police and took Olivia into an office, where she was questioned and charged with shoplifting. (Olivia can get very emotional and probably got upset when the police questioned her, which may have led them to believe she was lying). Luckily, Olivia has managed to get the charges expunged, but the process is still ongoing. Because of her ADHD, if anyone genuinely made this mistake, I would believe it from her, but Olivia has been improving a lot on organization and being more attentive recently. It is extremely uncharacteristic of her to steal- she was honest to a fault as kids- she would break down from guilt and admit things to our parents that we would have gotten away with if she hadn't said anything.
Right now, my parents have met Trevor twice in person, and I've met him once in person and several times in passing over facetime. I personally don't think that Trevor seems to keep up with my sister or that they make each other shine, and that opinion is shared with family friends and family that have met Trevor. Olivia doesn't mention Trevor in front of our parents often because his name has become a topic of contention and argument between them. My parents don't think Trevor is right for Olivia. She has almost 2 college degrees and plans to become a nurse practitioner in the future, and he hasn't finished college and doesn't seem to have any drive to do so. Olivia is also well traveled and enjoys going to museums, concerts, etc., while Trevor has lived in rural FL his whole life (this is not Trevor's fault, and I don't think he is a lesser person because of it, but I don't see a lot of common ground between them). Trevor has not seemed very well spoken when I have talked to him and I just don't see a lot of qualities in him that Olivia values.
If you've gotten this far, I just don't know what to do. Olivia and my parents have a huge rift in their relationship right now and any mention of Trevor, with her around or not, explodes into a huge argument, discussion, or just icy silence. I want Olivia to be able to talk to me about him, and we are able to discuss things much better than she is with our parents. My parents have also started asking me about Olivia and Trevor because they know Olivia shares more with me, and it makes me uncomfortable because I don't want to betray Olivia's trust, but I'm also very worried about her. I know I can't control her actions and I'm having a really hard time trying to balance supporting Olivia but not supporting the relationship (I'm not going to lie to her about how I feel, but I don't want her to feel alienated or unloved by our family, because that is NOT the case). I also think that Olivia is romanticizing the fact that our parents don't like him because my father's parents had a rift with him over our mother when we were very young (this is a whole other story, but basically, his parents always favored his sister, his sister got (I think) jealous when he did well for himself and married my mother, who his parents initially likes, and she made up rumors/lies about my mother that turned his parents against her (this was way before our mother's suspected mental health struggles, which occured when Olivia and I were in middle/high school).
Please share any thoughts you have on the situation (am I reading too into things, is this not as bad as I think it is?), and any advice you have on navigating the relationships.

Gonna preface this by saying we are both dating for marriage in the next 6 months, she is perfect in everyway for me, imagine the person of your dreams, now that's her. She works as an emergency hospital nurse in a rough part of town working three, 12 hour shifts from 3pm-3am. We've been talking for about 2 months now with very little physical intimacy so things don't lead to sex. We've talked about our past and how we both used to smoke weed years ago and how we both quit. Well yesterday while laying on the couch together we kissed for the first time and I tasted weed/cigarettes. I asked her about it and she acted dumb until she eventually confessed that she smokes about 3 times a week after her shifts at the hospital. The reason she kept it from me is because she planned on quitting the habit once we got married because I would allow her to work a less stressful schedule and location. Personally I'm not a fan on habitual smoking, once in a while doesn't bother me but multiple times a week can be worrisome also I don't like the smell/taste of it from her mouth. Should I just trust that she will give it up?
Like I said I completely understand why she smokes now and told her to do whatever keeps her sane, but once her life does get easier will it be hard to give it up.
One more thing to mention she divorced her ex for drinking and smoking weed but after she started this job she started smoking to cope with the stress with intentions of giving it up once her life normalized.