So a person in my friend group was laid off several months ago and hasn't found anything, which sucks and I genuinely empathize having spent several months unemployed a few years ago after quitting a job where I struggled with the ethics of the work.She's asked a couple times if anyone knows something at their place for an inside referral, each time she's asked I've said "I'll look!" bc I'd be happy to help her like any other friend, and each time she's responded, both in person and in text, with some variation of "thanks, I'm off my high horse and happy for any help I can get". This has happened like 5 or 6 times, and each time she uses that phrase "off my high horse", and afaict she only uses it WRT me - others have said they'd look and she just texts "that'd be great!" or "thanks!", and that phrase just seems... insulting?
AIUI being on a high horse means you perceive others below you in some way (morally, socially, in their way of thinking), whether or not they actually are - getting off your high horse means you've condescended to or been pulled down to a lower level (rightly or wrongly), and that just seems a wild way to communicate accepting someone's offer to help that you requested? The implicit subtext to me is "previously, I was on my high horse, I wouldn't have stooped to that (and maybe kind of looked down on you before), but now that I'm lowly like you, I can settle for what you do". I didn't put this on her, she asked for help and I offered.
Some context:
We work in the same industry (engineers in tech), so it's not like I'd be sending a rocket surgeon apps to like clean beakers.
She's made a number of kind of inappropriate or hostile comments about my career, education, or income over the years which have made me uncomfortable, which I can explain more in detail if people need, but, it seems to be something she really focuses on about me, in like a very status-focused or competitive way? I've been told (and frankly observed) that she can be very insecure, and I'm wondering if this is an unfortunately rude expression of that?
I also wonder if I'm overreacting because maybe I'm sensitive about having accepted my current job? I'm not exactly scrapping the bottom, I work at a Big 5 tech company in a very visible growth sector, from a strictly job and careerat race perspective, this is a desirable resume blurb with great comp and would open a lot of doors for most people. If you were someone who cared about compensation or the rat race, this would be a big leg up, and this woman has talked constantly about how she wants to be paid more and that the place that fired her underpaid her ( believe her), whereas in Big Tech people are (I think) generally overpaid. That said, there are a ton of reasons to be critical of big tech and the rat race and say no, and TBH I weighed the consequences of working somewhere that does have questionable social impact for a couple days before I said yes, but moreso because I was having a hard time finding work in the areas I really wanted to work (renewable energy research). My resolution from that time was finding work is messy, you shouldn't (necessarily) judge someone for where they work because much of that is outside their control, and sometimes you just have to accept a job. In that light, I can see the "I'm off my high horse" as an inarticulate expression of thoughts I have had myself, and maybe I am overreacting to insecurity about my own decision, but, even then, it seems enough to just say what she said to other people, "thanks, I really appreciate it", and it's hard not to read some negative intent or impression toward me by expressing subtextual condescension with that phrase, esp. given the history of uncomfortable or provocative comments toward me.

Figured I'd get a better answer here than antiwork which will probably be biased.
So there's an employee in my department that's been there for about 14 months, 4 longer than me. Overall he's pretty good at his job and well-liked, as far as I know.
So the other day he comes in, lets our manager know (not GM, just the head of our department) that he can no longer work Sundays and wants to change his availability.
Her immediate responses were along the lines of "well then you're probably gonna have to get another job" and "you were hired for Sunday and we need you on Sundays, if you want I can keep scheduling you then and you can just call out until we let you go". She even acknowledged how long he's been there phrasing it like "it took you 14 months to realize..." and such. And by the way, this guy does work other days as well, I think full time.
Is this normal/legal? I've been thinking of changing my availability as well. I don't have a set schedule though. And yeah I know it's not my business and the conversation probably shouldn't have happened in front of me but worth questioning.

I need the otolaryngology medical community’s help, as many physicians have been stumped by my situation. Admins, please read before deciding to delete. I am not a medical professional, but I possess a unique situation that cannot seem to be resolved by the medical professionals available to me. I am not sure how to phrase this without breaking the subreddit’s only rule, so I will try to express it in a manner oriented to my obsessive curiosity to understand my (undiagnosed) condition.
 
For starters, I have no credentials to confidently say anything I am about to; some of it may even be jargon or irrelevant, but I will try my best.
 
Eight years ago, I weighed around 285 lbs. I began an exercise routine that caused me to lose about 20 lbs within a short amount of time. During this period, I developed persistent discomfort in my left ear. I noticed the discomfort after visiting my aunt, where there was a 500’ elevation difference. When I came back home, my ear would not pop. Over the course of a week or so, the ear pressure eventually equalized, but everything sounded muffled.
 
This led me to my first ENT visit. The ENT didn’t really give me much time, and paired me with an audiologist who determined my hearing was perfect. After hearing the unfortunate news of no diagnosis, I asked why I have to pop my ears to hear consistently. I was brushed off and told to see a TMJ specialist. The TMJ specialist told me I’m fine.
 
This is where my independent research began. I determined that my “popping” was actually me forcibly equalizing the pressure in my Eustachian tube by repeatedly moving my jaw. I went to an in-network ENT. This ENT took offense to my self-diagnosis of Eustachian Tube Dysfunction (ETD) and told me my issues were allergy-related. I was referred to their allergy department and put on immunotherapy shots. After completing my treatment and reaching maintenance, my issue persisted.
 
Frustrated, I looked online for the highest-rated ENT in my state. This doctor did not accept my insurance, so I decided to pay out of pocket to get the issue resolved. This doctor’s niche was rhinoplasty, and he was the first (and so far last) to give me the time of day. He performed a nasal endoscopy and a CT scan of my sinuses. Both tests revealed nothing of use. He noted I have a slightly deviated septum, but not nearly enough to cause any of my symptoms. However, he did note the sinuses on the side where I’m experiencing discomfort were inflamed. His diagnosis was chronic sinusitis. I was prescribed Azelastine 0.1% (137 mcg) nasal spray (an antihistamine). I used this medication for about a year in conjunction with Flonase, but nothing changed.
 
Once again, I sought out a different ENT. This ENT also took offense to my description of symptoms because I used medical phrasing (ETD). After a brief consultation, I was told once again that my symptoms were allergy-related. I went back on allergy shots, reached maintenance, and once again the issue persisted.
 
At this point, I gave up and didn’t bother refilling my prescriptions or finishing my shot treatment. Over the course of a year or two, I developed a severe sinus infection that went several months untreated. It came to the point where I was unable to breathe out of my nose at all, affecting me to the point my family members became concerned, as now there were comorbidities (such as sleep apnea). I eventually saw a pulmonologist who made it clear I needed to see an ENT and get my sinus issues fixed.
 
Thinking that maybe if I stuck with the same ENT and followed the trial and error process, I went back to the last ENT I saw. I was diagnosed with a sinus infection and prescribed medication. For the first time in months, I was able to breathe again after excreting from my nose what looked like petrified mucus. With this small victory, I returned to the same ENT and expressed my frustrations. I passionately described the location of my discomfort and explained that I believe the Eustachian tube problems I’m having are not the issue but a symptom of something else. I explained that I feel a mass or some sort of inflammation in my throat and mentioned the inflammation found by the previous ENT who performed a nasal endoscopy.
 
That was a mistake. After expressing my frustrations, I was diagnosed with "globus hystericus." Initially excited to finally have an explanation and a treatment plan, I was disheartened when I was told he could no longer assist me and suggested involving different medical professionals. When I got home and googled my new diagnosis, I realized he was referring me to a psychologist. Needless to say, I didn’t return.
 
Unable to accept my new reality, I resorted to more independent research. Before I even say this, I want to strongly express how much this improved my symptoms. Mewing, changing my tongue posture, and stopping mouth breathing drastically improved my Eustachian tube pressure over the course of a year. Using a jaw exercisegum daily also significantly reduced my ear pressure issues. Although the discomfort was reduced, it was not fully resolved. Sometimes I’d use a massage gun on my jaw, chin, bridge of my nose, head, and neck, which helped with mucus and provided temporary relief, especially lower in my neck near my chests, this seems to what felt like drain mucus/fluid. I am 120% able to the breath better after, but the “mass” still felt present.
 
After a while, my circumstances relocated me to a different state, giving me a new opportunity to finally resolve this. I saw a new ENT, and I gave the full rundown of my symptoms and history. I mentioned every medical ailment, bad habit, and quirk I have ever experienced. I mentioned my frequent regurgitation from overeating, how sometimes ground beef or rice seems to get stuck somewhere in the back of my throat, how I sleep on the side where I’m having discomfort, and how I pick my nose in the morning. I also mentioned that I can feel when my ears are producing wax and can remove hot wax with a Q-tip in real-time. I mentioned having tubes as a kid (as I mentioned to every ENT). This ENT diagnosed my issue as being caused by the acid in my regurgitation irritating my sinuses. I was prescribed Omeprazole 40 mg. I took this for a while but realized it was a bandaid on a bigger issue. I needed to prioritize my weight and eating habits.
 
I eventually started measuring my portions and eating slowechewing my food better, which fully resolved the regurgitation issue. However, I still occasionally get food stuck somewhere in my throat and definitely stuck in my soft palate. I have had my tonsils and adenoids removed when I was a toddler, but I can’t help but wonder if something grew back and is trapping food (I assume this would show in a CT scan).
 
As of recently, my latest symptom is hairs coming from the back of my mouth. Initially, I thought they were beard hairs, but after the fifth or sixth time, I became fully certain that single strands of hair are coming from the side of my mouth where I’m experiencing discomfort. I can replicate this over a long period of repeatedly opening my jaw (like I have Tourette’s) in an effort to equalize the pressure in my ear. I did some research, and it sounds like it could be a million different things. So once again, I have an ENT appointment coming up.
 
Now we’re caught up. I started to about a year ago still use the nasal spray and Flonase daily, and I even have a tablespoon of raw local honey. I have ZERO allergies. My ear pressure has progressively gotten worse over the past month, with the frequency of hairs increasing due to my constant need to open and close my mouth for pressure relief. I am not sure what to even tell this new ENT. I need experts to help me navigate the landscape of this condition.

I'm a 27 yr old female. Tl;dr... If I wanted to leave now, they could totally cut off my bank account. I didn't have a joint bank account before. Lady at the bank was saying "it is the same as before... oh AND doing a joint account? My kids are still all on mine." I guess denial is everything. I didn't want that. But didn't speak up, since my mom gave me money to open a new one (I've been sick. Context below.)
Here is a lot of context/rants so read 1st, and skip to 2nd to last paragraph maybe to skim it... Essentially, I have been out of work for a while. I got covid in December, and pretty bad covid too. I already had issues before that, I eat cleanly and am super healthy but have a wonky immune system. I also have narcolepsy with cataplexy (N1,) as stated by a sleep dr. 6 years ago, but I didn't believe him and never followed up. They ruled out seizures and MS and I am terrified of doctors (especially now, after being yelled at by my family for my saying I needed to go to the ER with severe vomiting and vertigo, I have an inner ear thing. It acts up with allergies. Azelastine nasal spray has prevented it so I am happy for that. Humid climates fuck with me too. Before, I thought I was dying. Multiple times this has happened and I was told I would be viewed as "crazy," and they would put me away forever, so I would be better off dying myself. told me to off myself but i blocked out the exact phrasing. because I was panicking AND I COULDN'T STOP SHAKING AND VOMITING CUZ DEHYDRATION. My GP said I should go to the hospital. Praise god, or the universe thank god, I didn't die but, it was bad. Somehow, I may wish I had. But that wouldn't have been very fun.)
After covid, the N1 got worse. Much worse. I already am on high dose stimulant meds for ADHD (which is half of the treatment for N1 anyway and partially why I never followed up 6-7yrs ago, I know I'm dumb sometimes but I just thought it was a fluke.) and have been for a while. I CAN'T STAY AWAKE for things. It isn't depression (well, maybe a bit now, which doesn't help lmfao, because this shit is depressing. But I still WANT to better my life, not consistent with depression... I AM JUST SO FUCKING TIRED AND SLEEPY AND sometimes i can't tell what is real and what is not. Also cataplexy, have it on camera accidentally. And a 30s microsleep. Like this is serious. I just can't properly deal with this until I do a sleep study, insurance changes and I hated the place/organization I was with originally, not for the sleep doctor, but for a multitude of other reasons... wish i remembered that nurses' name so I can report her. It was pulling teeth with my now-retired GP for any basic med too! So, finding a new sleep doctor and study, which isn't for months.) AND THE INSURANCE COMPANIES HATE THIS CONDITION because the drugs to treat it are very controlled substances, and one in particular is V expensive/insurance loves to throw a hissy fit about. (yet another reason why I put it off, but it is an emergency at this point. I pushed as much as I could, I'm just NOT sleeping when/how normal humans should and it is ruining my life yay. I never feel rested. Ever. I pray that I will, on the odd occasion but it's like 0-1/10 in the range of 10 being well rested.)
I'm trying to justify my issues to you guys.
I am living w/ my parents. I lived in another state in college, had a planet fitness membership and GYM MEMBERSHIPS WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE stg. Jesus. Wouldn't let me cancel, I kept pausing it for as long as I could. I'm not about to drive 4hrs to cancel a gym membership, since it was out of state the employees at branches near me either didn't know what they were doing or said I wasn't allowed to do that... But I got sick this year and forgot. Bank account overdrawn. LITERALLY LESS THAN 14 DAYS overdrawn. Part of it was an overdraft fee. AND THEY CLOSED IT. I had been sick for months but was pet sitting and doing SOME THINGS (like selling old clothes, etc.) to keep a positive balance. I just got REALLY WAYY too sleepy to care about anything. And was screamed at, my father came at me physically and told me to sleep on the street a month+ ago, because I wasn't invited to one of my only childhood friend's wedding. When both of my parents were, and I WAS UPSET. I am an adopted only child with a small family. This meant a lot to me. I never saw who the envelope was addressed to.
For my birthday, my mom offered to go into the bank with me to help the situation (I felt so embarrassed, I didn't want to do it alone and embarrassed that I was falling asleep the whole time too. The lady told a joke and I just collapsed onto the desk haha, cataplexy literally. I usually hide from my family, because I don't want to be bullied.) The kind lady helping me mentioned "joint bank account." It was my birthday, and my mom was there so I was scared of speaking up and ruining any joy that I had. I just realized now, that means that my mom AND DAD have access to all of my finances. I am super private. I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS. PERIOD, POINT MF BLANK jesus.
My bank account is not my own anymore. I am 27 years old. My dad refuses to let me have the rest of my money (college money, which was never used as I got scholarships based on talent... yeah. too bad I'm a human with needs too. There may b tax issues? But it is only a few thousand left, which is still enough to open a bank account on my own so at least I have that independence.)
I am working through my issues, and when I am bleeding out SO MUCH I am getting dizzy, because my dad cornered me (he is 2x my size,) in the kitchen next to a knife block, physically laying hands on me for being upset about a non-invite wedding which is a rational response, I had to physically stab myself IN THE NECK to get him to be shocked and move over enough so that I could move to a safer location where I had a way to escape. Didn't occur to me I could have hurt him instead. Was bleeding for hours and hours, cut deeper than I meant to, but I didn't even want to. It was all I could think of to get him OFF OF ME. Yes I am in therapy. This makes no sense to anyone. But my parents because I am not allowed to have any feelings in their eyes, and they won't want to feel upset if I am upset they go to a wedding of a close (like closer than my cousins,) family friend without me. THEY NEVER EVEN TOLD ME I WASN'T INVITED. I had to joke about it for my mom to get the "oh, we thought you knew." I SAW THE INVITATION. It didn't say the names of who was invited. Why would I think I wasn't?
So it is no mystery why I don't trust these people. I am so exhausted and SLEEPY that I try to limit driving as much as possible. If a sleep attack is coming on, I DON'T PUSH through it. (learned the hard way years ago haha, car accidents are only fun in GTA.) I am in the process of getting more help, but insurance doesn't care if we live or die apparently. Neither does my family it seems.
WHAT DO I DO?! Do I call the bank??? Tell the lady (who is also good friends with my family,) like, hey... uh there was a mistake I don't want a joint bank account. My mom gave my $500 AS A BDAY gift, which was nice. But it was used to reopen what I thought, was my bank account.

Last week, BM dropped the “I’m your REAL mom, and she’s your pretend mom” on SD(6) over video chat the same day she told her she had a new baby that no one knew she was expecting (including SD).
Since then, SD has been having a really hard time. She’s always been a very happy kid, but it’s like something in her switched and it’s heartbreaking. She’s angry and sad. Not sleeping well.
The hardest part to navigate is that she’s actively icing me out. She told me last week that she wanted to me go in the room so she could be alone with her dad. My husband addressed that it isn’t how we treat our family, and we talked it out. She repeated that sentiment again today. For the last week, my husband hasn’t been able to speak to me directly without her jumping in and cutting me out of the conversation entirely. She doesn’t want to sit on the couch if I’m on it. It’s heartbreaking.
I’m trying to be patient, hold space for her, and not take it personally, but I’m having a really difficult time. Does anyone have any advice?
.
Background:
I’ve been the only mother figure for my SD since she was 1.5 y/o. BM left DH and took her out of state, and he was supposed to get her over the summers (plus child support and frequent video chat). That went out the window when family members raised very credible concerns of abuse & neglect. We’ve had her full-time since then.
SD started calling me mom during a time when BM was MIA for over a year and we never corrected her. When BM popped back up, we gave her a different variation of “mom.” BM has never visited. Never sent child support. Only video chats every 1-3 months (or longer). She’s never been denied the opportunity she just doesn’t.
Here’s the thing: we’ve never lied to SD. We just haven’t fully answered the question yet. She knew BM & DH were together. She’s seen pictures of them when she was a baby. We were avoiding the painful truth that BM went off and had more kids and has never shown up for her. That’s the first thing she asked about.
I think the phrases “real mom” & “pretend mom” is what got to SD plus the sudden new baby. It doesn’t help that in the same call, BM told SD that the reason she can’t visit is because we moved too far away.
Idk what compelled BM. We’ve never spoken badly about her before. We always just say “plane tickets cost a lot of money” when SD asks why she can’t come visit. We let the child support thing go… she just blew up SD’s worldview for her own ego I guess.
Nonetheless, I’m struggling to find a way to support her and hold space for her feelings without allowing her to treat me poorly while also repairing our relationship… Please help. This is so hard.

My most recent psychosis occurred due to a number of underlying reasons that I was dealing with over a 6-8 week period and was mostly delusional.
The lead up to it - I had just finished the largest engineering project that I had been working on for two years,. My wife and I were having a very difficult and stressful time, with disagreements all the time.
My body was yelling and screaming for help and I could feel it from deep down inside me. I went to see doctors and psychologists but it didn't do it for me.. A childhood friend then passed away and that tipped me over.. All of a sudden I was placing myself in my friends place and I had all these questions that I had for myself.
I took a few days off work in the hope that it would get better, however, as I returned I just felt exhausted and overcooked. That's when I started to lose it... Note that I wasn't doing any hard drugs at the time, nor was I drinking, but in that upleading week, I was having the occasional nitrous oxide (N20) cannisters.
I went to get my tarot cards read upon returning to work (first time). The lady who conducted the card reading told me to choose the cards when "I feel the energy above the deck".. I actually felt the cards drawing my hand closer to them. I received the following cards, all of which seemed were of major importance to me: (1) Stand your Ground, (2) Hope, (3) Foundation & Achievements, (4) Base Chakra, (5) The Waiting Game, (6) Third Eye Chakra, (7) Love Begins, (8) Spiritual Union, (9) Intuition, (10) Conquer & Defeat.
..That night I went for a walk, I saw a shooting star - it was the first time that I had seen one and was so beautiful. I rushed into tell my wife about the tarot cards and the shooting star.. we both broke down in tears. Later on that evening I would tune into Youtube, and learn more about finance, investing, life, philosophy and music - all of which were major interests in my life.
The next morning I woke up and got ready to go to work. I couldn't help myself but start crying when all of my songs came on. Notorious BIG - Juicy: "Born sinner, the opposite of a winner, remember when I used to eat sardines for dinner".. I had sardines for dinner growing up too, and I could literally taste my mothers sardine dish in my mouth while the song was playing... As I raced onto the highway, it felt as though I was so connected to everything. I rolled the windows down and felt the air around me...The number plates around me "8SAMA" - which I had a feeling that there was going to be a terrorist attack occurring in the not too distant future. "FX Silver" - I was speculating with precious metals back at that time and thought it was a sign that due to the terror attack, silver was going to increase in price. "IDK IDK" - I was listening to the song I don't know by Tion Wayne, Stormzy, etc. the night before my psychosis.. Everything around me was providing me with signs and nothing was a coincidence. It felt like I was enlightened or something?
I called my brother in the morning who lived abroad, he said that he was being overworked and stressed out. He wanted to head to New York for new years eve and I immediately told him not to go as something bad was going to happen. When I went back into the office, I felt as though there would be some kind of market correction before the terror event occured, so I tried to sell all of my crypto, the only problem was, when I entered all of my key seed phrases, one of them somehow disappeared and I could no longer access my crypto wallet. That was when everything cracked further.. I thought the government was onto me as I had put all the pieces of the puzzle together and started to warn people around me.
I grabbed my manager from the office and told him I needed to speak to them. I wanted to come clean with everything that had happened. During this time I felt at peace and in this blissful place. I was seeing visual signs of things from my past which were interacting with my present moment .. it felt like everything around me was staged. I came clean to the manager and told them that I had been struggling at work, and using drugs and alcohol to cope, I said that it also put so much strain on my relationship and my wife was going to leave me. At this time it felt like the police had wire tapped my manager and everything I was saying was going on record. I was trying to outsmart him with every question that they had for me and it was like I was playing 4d chess in my head. We spent close to 2.5 hours talking about my situation -at every stage I was waiting for when the popo were going to pop out and arrest me.
My wife had been contacted and came to pick me up. She took me back home, but while I went home I thought that our house had been bugged and wired. To me our neighbours were acting odd, and so many things were working in my head, I just didn't know how to relax and calm down. The next day I was taken to my parents place, and I initially started by doing a little bit of exercise, I still felt as though the police were after me and I had something to prove to the world. I then had a panic attack, where I legitimately felt as though I couldn't breathe, my wife and family rushed me to the emergency department at the hospital, and I was met with a psychiatrist who put me on a large dose of antipsychotic medication. Don't know where I'd be without my wife to support me through everything.
I then came back and rested. Slowly but surely I started to realise that I had just experienced a psychotic episode that lasted for several days. Following this event, I had a major depressive episode, which took months for me to recover, and approximately one year later I am in a better place mentally, but I am still not 100 %.
It turns out I have a family history of this sort of bullshit that nobody told me about, and being exposed to drugs and alcohol would only increase the risk of any symptoms. I've been off all the drugs and attempting to stop alcohol, and live a more holistic, natural life. Let's see what happens. For anyone dealing newly dealing with it or in the process of recovering, it gets better. Keep your head up.
If anyone else has a psychosis story or would like to open up about their feeling of oneness or connectedness, please do feel free to share below.
<3

I've been looking for a pair of Redwing boot, and found 2 sites around here in Australia.
https://www.redwingshoes.com.au https://www.redwingsaustralia.com
One site has their shoes at significantly lower price, which is good for my wallet, but I don't feel too confident about the quality of the products. Can the experts here explain for me please? (sorry for bad phrasing, not too fluent on English writing)

Hi all (I've asked this on another sub, too). Hoping for your help..

I’m doing a study on how X affects firm performance. For our sake, let’s say X= Data Analytics.
I have a question about how to phrase certain questions on the survey instrument, specifically the questions about assessing firm performance.
The research is based in the Resource Based View, so the survey instrument is designed around resources, skills, and capabilities in Data Analytics and how that affects firm performance.
For example, we have some questions like:
Our data analysts are well trained
We base our decisions on data rather than instinct
Our data analytics team has the right skills to accomplish business objectives successfully
Etc..

My question is how to phrase the capture of firm performance, as I have seen it done both of the below ways. For example, should a question about profitability be phrased (both scale questions):
Data analytics has led to an increase in profitability
OR
We perform much better than our main competitors in terms of profitability

Maybe I am overthinking this, but I am a new researcher and would love some help understanding why some researchers go one way and others go the other way!


Thank you!

TW: Discusses suicide
I was in a class today that was discussing mental health, including suicide, some statistics around suicide and the concept of 'suicide contagion'.
By definition, suicide contagion or 'copycat suicide' is the process whereby one suicide or suicidal act within a school, community or geographic area increases the likelihood that others will attempt or die by suicide. It is more common amongst young people's brains aren't fully developed and they have less ability to properly process what has happened.
One point raised by the instructor was that young people will hear the phrase 'he/she has gone to a better place', which makes them consider that they too should go to a better place. Family/friends own attempts to cope with the situation where their loved one has suicided, or well meaning persons attempts to sympathise.
I can only imagine how much more common this phrase is amongst Christian communities. Obviously some more traditional branches of Christianity see suicide as a sin and a one way ticket to hell, but others don't.
As an ex-christian, I worry about young people with undeveloped brains who may be struggling and then hear these phrases.

Hi Reddit! Hoping for your help..
I’m doing a study on how X affects firm performance. For our sake, let’s say X= Data Analytics.
I have a question about how to phrase certain questions on the survey instrument, specifically the questions about assessing firm performance.
The research is based in the Resource Based View, so the survey instrument is designed around resources, skills, and capabilities in Data Analytics and how that affects firm performance.
For example, we have some questions like:
Our data analysts are well trained
We base our decisions on data rather than instinct
Our data analytics team has the right skills to accomplish business objectives successfully
Etc..
My question is how to phrase the capture of firm performance, as I have seen it done both of the below ways. For example, should a question about profitability be phrased (both scale questions):
Data analytics has led to an increase in profitability
OR
We perform much better than our main competitors in terms of profitability

Maybe I am overthinking this, but I am a new researcher and would love some help understanding why some researchers go one way and others go the other way!

Thank you!

Previous entry: https://www.reddit.com/buffy/comments/1cpqgdq/rewatchers_diary_season_2_episodes_5_to_7/
On today's menu: The Dark Age (2x8) and What's My Line (2x9-2x10).
Quick thoughts: The Dark Age is fine, What's My Line is part of why BTVS is great.
The Dark Age
Summary: Giles' dark past comes back to haunt him. It ends up hurting Jenny and distancing her from him.
This was fine. I didn't quite have the greatness which BTVS is capable of, but it was fine.
Random thoughts in a random order:

• In this episode we have the line "three down, two to go". In the next one we'll have "one down, one gone", and I think in the previous episode—Lie To Me (2x7)—there was also some take on "N down, M to go". These phrases always make me think of Willow's "one down" line in Villains (6x20), and the title of the next episode, Two to Go (6x21).
• Ooh, more Ethan! Ethan is great!
• I used to be a teenager, but it's a while ago. I liked Buffy's line near the end, which I'll inadvertently paraphrase: "I used to think of you as a grown-up [i.e. distant], now I discovered you're a person [i.e. relatable]". I think I must have forgotten the teen perspective and just how big the gap feels. The ages in my current friendship circles spans four decades. The scoobies at some point refer to Giles as "their grown-up friend". Huh, I guess I'm someone's grown-up friend, and my life feels less weird than the show is made to look on that occasion. Oh well, we have a shared recreational activity in real life, so the friendship that spans a big age range is genuine; affectionate as it is, Giles and the scoobies have more of a working relationship than a friendship. (In my book Giles hasn't fully stepped into the surrogate father role yet.)
• I guess I should talk about how this is a cautionary tale to young people about bad decisions in one's youth having the capacity to exact a price later in life. Uhm. It is.
• Hey, the morgue where Phillip (Deirdre's victim / transfer target) rises from the apparently-dead, is that the same morgue we saw in Never Kill a Boy on the First Date (1x5)? It kinda' looks like it.
• Yay for Willow being assertive towards Xander and Cordelia, "[either get to work, or] get the hell out of my library!"
• Poor Giles, having to once again face the fact that his actions got one of his friends killed, and now having to consider the fact that they may also get his love interest killed.
• Hey, does this feed thematically into the the way Buffy feels responsible for, in some sense, killing Angel (and making Angelus replacing him) in Surprise (2x13)? I think it might.
• Ooh: in this episode Angel saves Jenny. In Passion (2x17) Angel kills Jenny. (Yes, okay, Angelus.)
• Giles' irresponsible decisions almost got Jenny killed. Buffy's irresponsible decisions—unleashing Angelus—actually got Jenny killed.

What's My Line
Summary: Career day at school. The next slayer, Kendra, has a short enemies-to-rivals-to-friends with Buffy. Drusilla is restored while Spike is injured during the attempted escape, and Angel is injured during Drusilla's restoration ritual.
Oh boy, this is great. Random thoughts in a random order:

• Ooh, more Terminator references! Buffy is targeted for termination by (a) someone disguised as a police officer; and (b) a shapeshifting creature made of liquid metal maggots.
• Buffy is already doing uh supernatural community policing, so her as a police officer makes sense. I've not read the comics but I've heard she actually becomes a LEO. Her future as a LEO doesn't get much screen time, but I was still surprised by how much.
• But her actual career right now is being the Slayer, and Kendra shows Buffy how to do it by the book™.
• In that light, it's interesting that Buffy's determination increases a notch when she realizes it's personal: "no one messes with my boyfriend!"
• Willy! Ooooh I like Willy the slime ball.
• He suggests Buffy and Kendra might do "art photography, but naked". Buffy is 16 which is less than 18. Given SMG's age and look, Willy might have overestimated Buffy's age—but still, if such photography happened it would legally be ch*ld p*rn. I recall Buffy dismissing Willy with a disgusted face. I'm not sure how I feel about the show not commenting more strongly on this.
• On a lighter note (maybe), there was such a wonderful scene with Spike holding Drusilla in his arms and the two dancing after Spike talking about dancing on the slayer's grave. In Crush (5x14) Spike would happily dance with Buffy on Drusilla's grave. Between The Gift (5x22) and Bargaining (6x1-6x2), Spike is deeply troubled by the slayer having a grave. Oh how the tables will turn. And I guess in Chosen (7x22) Buffy is... not dancing, but definitely feeling a sense of relief, while standing atop the place where Spike is buried (the whole in the ground that used to be Sunnydale).
• Spike and Drusilla is an incredibly sexy couple. May I join in, please?
• Oz and Willow, while not yet a couple, are so cute together.
• Xander and Cordelia kiss. They are sooo awkward together.
• Buffy touching and kissing Angel in vamp face at the skating rink: the music makes it appear all romantic and stuff, suggesting that she's mature enough to see the man hiding below the monster's exterior. But really—I think—she's too blinded by hormones to notice the monster and the monstrous pile of red flags.
• Speaking of which, "We have this thing at school / Career day? / How do you know? / I lurk", that came across as somewhat stalker-like behavior to me. When Buffy tries to read Angel's mind in Earshot (3x18) out of jealousy, Angel says "[just ask]". Why doesn't Angel just ask what's going on in Buffy's life, then?
• Drusilla has been wearing her white dress the whole time, which I associate with purity and innocence. When at the end she's restored to her full strength and thus capacity for evil she's wearing all black. A nice contrast.
• Drusilla's white dress makes me think of a bridal gown. I think there ought to be some joke about a vampire couple staying together "till death do you part", but I haven't quite nailed it yet.

Updated episode tier list:

• S-tier: 7
• A-tier: 9 10
• B-tier: 3 6 > 1
• C-tier: 8 > 5
• D-tier: 2 4

Yes this is IRL life and not some tall tale,porn related fantasy.
Over the last year and a half my mother in law and I have became very close. Close not in a sexual way. We have talked more than we have in the previous 20yrs. There's been conversation that I often question are innocent.
Often times during our conversation she would reminisce about the good old days.She was quite wild.
I enjoyed hearing about her stories from the '60s and her free-spirited approach to life “Free Love” as she would phrase it. She was very open to talk about “Free Love” in the 60s. We continue to engage in those discussions while also ensuring comfort with the topics being discussed. I was also very vigilant and respectful not to or initiate or pry too deeply into personal matters. She was very open and honest sharing previous relationships and sexual experience. It was a little shocking to her talk about going on a date and would hang out and have fun and never was there a second date aka pretty much one a night stand

Then came the subtle innuendos. It first started with size doesnt matter joke. As much as I tempted to reply why doesn’t matter if you dont know how to use it.I referined as not wantining. she recently had back surgery when asking about her recovcery her reply “all I can do and want to do is just lay on my back and at night and and its really tight ,like twisting a wet towel and dripping wet”Never once reading into anything or assuming anything sexual. It was until it she then followed up to say “at night when she is that tight instead of laying in bed on its more comfortable to get on her knees facing the edge of the bed and Lean forward resting her arms on head on top of the bed.. showing empathy and interest not fully understanding, it was then when the repeated it this time added and emphasized her on her knees on thje floor
My initial thought is she’s my mothr in law, took as her describing when experiencing discomfort, related to her back surgery, and she finds relief by assuming a specific position at night. relief by kneeling on the floor and leaning forward with her arms and head resting on the bed. It's not uncommon for people to find certain positions or actions that alleviate discomfort or help them sleep better, especially after undergoing surgery or dealing with chronic pain.

So the question is it common and or normal for mother in law to talk about sexual topics and subtle innuendos with her son in law. From my POV its not normal and or common.

after years of Angry Faces, snappiness and attitudes from therapists every time i’d do the work to open up and be honest, which was far from the “warm healing relationship” i’d heard it so lauded for, i’ve finally learned a few core underlying causes for my experience.
for many therapists, not conforming to therapy is synonymous with a lack of desire to change. challenging them or pushing back (even with intent to be factual/logical) is not conforming.
moreover, under the impression that i should be “vulnerable” about what im feeling or thinking i’d… just do that. but i have apparently been doing it incorrectly
that’s bc socially, you cannot have your own problem and be upset about it at the same time. this is apparently synonymous with, again, an unwillingness to change. it’s “being a victim”.
now after some analysis of when people use this phrase, i finally learned that “doing something about it” and “being a victim” are supposed to be polar opposites. moreover, if you’re on the “victim” side of this rigid spectrum, you’re not someone who takes accountability. who likes that sort of person?
if you come off this way, no information you give therapists to help you will matter. they will immediately tune you out. this is especially true if you are talking about the past.
this is especially frustrating for someone as myself who does try a lot to solve their own problems constantly, maybe too much to the point of burning myself out and definitely not always in the right ways. i’ve been really confused for years why i would randomly get told “you’re not the only one 😒” when i know im not the only one. or getting snapped at “you need to take accountability!!!” and i start wondering why they yelled. or shamelessly saying they’re only now taking something i’ve said 100 times before seriously bc im saying it without feeling sad now.
these constant acts of aggression based on assumptions that do not align with me from therapists hurt me a lot, to the point that they float around in my mind daily. i am actually now having nightmares abt therapy. as someone who takes accountability (and i think most ppl want to, in some way, even those who don’t appear so) it’s painful for me to see that this is the result of doing something that doesn’t hurt anyone (appearing sad about oneself). it’s also a little frustrating to figure this out after years of analysis and observation of social norms.
when people are upset or sad about something that happened to them, i don’t judge 🤷🏼‍♀️ i think they can be sad abt it and also try to work their way out of it at the same time idk. im confused. are we only allowed to be sad abt external things?

I think this is a topic we should continuously bring up and discuss because I believe creating a base or home is such an important part of Fallout. After a long day of fighting off the monsters and horrors of Appalachia, we sometimes just want to come home to our homey base and admire our creation and hard work. The more I build, the more I feel restricted on what I can do and have to really plan and sacrifice some creative designs to meet with the building limitations. With the evermore additions to things we can add to our base, base building really needs to be refined. I'll add what we had last post and what suggestions were made as well. I'll also add more of what I've noticed from my return to the game. Previous post for reference.

Disclaimer of Understanding

Listen, I understand there could be hardware limitations in regarding to number of items or models that can be loading and unloaded at any time for the servers though we need to find some middle ground. A way to optimize the base limits to allow for more creativity. I also understand there could be programming limitations though refactoring some the base building limits is a positive change and worth while, especially to continue improving on this game long term (if that's what is planned to be).

Quick bullet points of Ideas from previous post

• Wallpaper to be painted on BOTH sides of the wall.
• For the love of god, increase base building limits, since we cant have two camps at the same time. I'm trying to decorate haha. Ideally id love a camp to build my vendor store and a home but hey..im good with either.
• why hard limit displays? I'm a collector, let me show off my collectables :( .. increase or remove display limits.
• Vendor should have a recently sold list. Like 5 items. Sometimes I miss the notifications :(
• allow me to mass select items and scrap. Unless I'm missing something I cant seem to find this feature anywhere.
• posters and wallpaper seem to have troubles meshing. Hopefully this could be fixed. I find posters hide behind wallpaper. Also..
• why does changing wallpaper remove everything off of wall. Sad times. Hopefully this could be changed.
• No-Atmosphere-4145 commented: I'd love for a feature where adding stairs won't cause the entire construction to become unremovable.
• Belickade commented: And how about an undo feature for the times you accidentally scrap a camp object.
• Similar to No-Atmospher-4145's post but I'll add it.. JakLynx commented: I’d love it if adding stairs to a vault wall door with vault door didn’t break the door and literally prevent you from entering.

Base Building Limits Extended

Lets talk about some Quality of Life updates that would help our base building experience. I'll dive deeper into some of the points that need some extra points to it.

For the love of god, increase base building limits, since we cant have two camps at the same time..

A further increase to maximum storage is not what we're talking about ( while this is something that can be improved upon), we want to be able to build more around our base, the total base building limit is what needs to be increased. Wires should not be apart of the base building costs in my opinion, this would help alleviate some room in the limit. I'm also hoping that wallpaper and things inside the displays don't count towards it but I have not personally checked.
To add more to the strain of base limits, is it possible to put things on shelves? I feel like they're so bare, id like to have them display items like display cases do.. that would be an amazing change!
Speaking of display cases..

why hard limit displays? I'm a collector, let me show off my collectables :( .. increase or remove display limits.

Lets increase these AND do not have the items count towards base storage. It sucks so much to see my STASH storage so high and be like "oh, its all the stuff on display" .. AND in the vendor. Putting items in your vendor or on display should remove them from your STASH. This would help the currently implemented STASH limit and it would also be such an improvement to the build system.
I also believe the limits on display shouldn't be towards the category but towards the item. Wall Displays should be separate than the floor glass display or any floor display to be honest. Even if you didn't increase the total limit for building displays and just separated how many you can make of each (mind you don't decrease the amount to 5 each..), this would improve our base building quality of life.
To further talk about displays, sometimes I can't place wall mounted displays because that wall doesn't have support below, though I was still able to build the wall. If the wall exists, the wall mounted display should be able to go on it.

And how about an undo feature for the times you accidentally scrap a camp object.

This is self explanatory though this is me emphasizing that this is huge. Big feature needed. Just a general undo last change is such a big help.

STASH Quality of Life Updates

These points were mentioned before but I'm going to mention them again. I understand that Fallout 1st is a good way for you to make some money on the stash limits, so upgrading the already set 1200 storage limit is unlikely BUT there are things that count towards stash that should not be. Such as:

• Vendor Items. These should not count towards our stash limit, its in the vendor..
• Displays. The item or weapon is being displayed outside my stash, therefore should not count towards my stash. This should be the case for all displays including bobblehead displays, Nuka-cola displays and so forth. This would alleviate so much space for some people and allow there to be more room without needing to increase the hard limit on STASH space.

That's pretty much it on that front.

New Ideas

Scrapping.
Scrapping my building item (generator, wall, lights) and losing most of its materials is a little frustrating. If I built it, I should get my materials back though I understand that is what storing items is and that you want to continue to have a game loop for gathering materials. So, its not a huge thing if this isn't changed in some way. Maybe I'm upset because I scrapped a generator to build it after I change the floor and didn't have enough materials anymore to re-build the generator. lol.
Fast Travel Spawn Point
This is a really cool request. Give us the ability to choose where players spawn when they fast travel to my base? Have one custom spawn point that must be put on a foundation or floor. Reason I say this is because my base is on a cliff and sometimes people or even myself don't spawn in my base but on the side of the cliff and then I have to fast travel again. It'd be nice to just have them spawn in a location that is preset so that no one falls or gets stuck.
I can see players setting up traps and what not with this, though I think the benefit outweighs the negative. There are many free fast travel locations if you get stuck and you only drop junk on death so? Maybe I don't know of other negatives from dying but I feel like most people want to show off their homes and not setup prisons lmao.
Shelves as displays
I talked about this earlier though shelves feel empty and I feel like my kitchen shelving would look nice if I can store some ingredients on them. Make it look more full and lively. Otherwise idk what to do with them lmao. Doesn't need to be crazy, just like fill the front side of the shelving unit and have 3 or 4 items to be displayed on the shelf. Also if this is implemented, items on shelves should not go towards STASH limits.
Renaming Power Chassis
I get confused on which power chassis hold what or displays what. Its like 7 power chassis in my stash. It'd be nice to name them lol.
Mark as To Be Scrapped
It'd be nice to mark items as "To Be Scrapped" so you know what you want to scrap, or even sell. That way you don't scrap something by mistake.
Guest Book
I remember reading somewhere an idea of having a guest sign book so that people that visit could sign saying like "I was here' or maybe "yolo 420" lol but it could also be emotes, stickers, pre-generated phrasing that people could sign with like a date saying when they signed it. Would be cool. Even something that could be done on the personal terminal?.

Conclusion

Look, I get it, some of these features are big asks but overall the quality of life improvements to STASH limits by removing the items displayed and in the vendor would be such a good change and one that wouldn't require too much refactoring of the CAMP code base (I hope). A lot of what was mentioned is nice to have but some are like really important to the ecosystem of building your base. Display limit segregation, removing wires as counting towards base limit, fast travel spawn point, undo button are just some to name that would bring big changes to the base building feature in this game.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk. Until next time!

So my boyfriend was talking about wanting a journal and apparently he saw one awhile back that his favorite artist was selling? He described it as a all black notebook with just the phrase “A few good things.” I was looking everywhere for it but to no avail..he said it’s not even on the website anymore. I just want to see how it looks and maybe find one as well to buy for him. Help me please!!

This is a very long one. Trigger warning ⚠️
I (19f) have been in and out of long term/short term facilities since I was 12 years old. I’ve had suicide attempts and have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder. This is definitely not my first experience with a therapist. Over the years I’ve had over 6+. Not because they haven’t worked for me all the time, but because they either move onto another facility or I move onto another phase in life.
Last year I adopted a new therapist “Mere” thanks to my older sister “North”. My current Therapist “Tina” who I’ve been working with for the past 3 and a half years, switched to a facility where my insurance only covers 30 min sessions. North didn’t think that was enough for me at the time since I wasn’t doing so well mentally. The therapist she recommended worked closely with her own and offered 1hr long sessions, so I agreed wanting to try something new since my old therapist seemed to not specialize in trauma and ptsd. Kerr was highly recommended for those topics.
We started our sessions not soon after my sister offered. The first couple months were hard. Our personalities seemed to clash. Not because mine was bad, but because I was deeply depressed. I was not a joy to be around and everyone seemed annoyed with my constant melancholy. Even my therapists seemed sick of me.
Over time I learned to adapt my personality to be more palatable. My therapists loved it now that I was interacting with them and making jokes. I treated them more like friends now instead of therapists and they seemed to appreciate that. I found it funny because a lot of my issues I explained to them was faking my personality to fit into the crowd and adapt. Due to me being f a people pleaser. They didn’t see anything wrong with the change since I seemed to be getting better mentally.
I was better. I wouldn’t attribute much of my success to my therapists tho. It was nice to have someone to talk to since at the time I had no friends, but they didn’t seem to know how to handle my constant depression so I started to hide it from them. Even from myself. Over time I was able to function a lot better. I switched my sessions to only once every two weeks and I was planning on ending them all together since I was doing so well on my own and haven’t need much help in a while.
It seems that I ah e bad luck. Right when I was at my peak recovery and condition, I was raped on the first day of the new year. I spiraled back into my deep deep deep depression worse than any other relapse I had before. I survived on Benadryl and ice cream for weeks. I took the pills so I didn’t have to be awake to long. I ate only food that I liked the most (mainly unhealthily) my health declined.
My mental health was the worst of it tho. The day after the rape occurred I had a session with my newer therapist. I start telling her the details of my assault. The shock was still fresh in my brain and my memories were scrambled. I greatly blamed myself. I thought I was the weirdo.
Mere only confirmed my sentiments. Before I could fully list out the details of the night it happened she immediately started to spew accusations of my intentions that night. Saying phrases like “Well when someone is pleasuring you it’s hard to say no and there’s nothing wrong with that”
I shut up then and just agreed with her but something still didn’t sit right with me. I went on Reddit and there was mixed opinions about it. A lot of ppl validated my feelings and others thought It was my fault. After fully processing this event and fully remembering it in its entirety I can say confidently that what happened to me was rape.
The next session we had I was able to tell the full story. Mede had just said “Oh. Well you didn’t mention all this before. That’s definitely not ok”. The thing is tho, she was the one to cut me off and make assumptions instead of trying to pull out the full story. She knew I had extreme ptsd and I probably wouldn’t be able to give an in-depth detailed explanation of what happened. She still insulted me anyway and brushed me off.
I thought this to be weird but I brushed it off. When you think k you’re in the presence of a professional you don’t often question things especially if you aren’t in the mental space to do so. So ignored her.
There have been times where she’s been short with me. One time she had asked to switch a 12pm session to 5pm. When I refused she said she’d have to charge me a cancellation fee. It seemed that she just wanted to get paid for that session still and wanted to guilt me into paying. I refused and explained that she was the one who cancelled on me and she immediately backed down realizing I wouldn’t be easily pushed around. I didn’t think much of it then.
Another time. I had gone to this tattoo parlor to get my belly button pierced. I took videos and pictures of the process. She requested in our session that week to see the pictures. I agreed to send and emailed them to her in two emails. In one there was all the pictures of the parlor, the. The other had the videos of the full process. Accidentally I had added one singular picture of me. I was at school and I took a picture in the schools bathroom. There was nothing indecent about it I just accidentally pressed on that picture as I was sending the others. IT happened a lot when using your iPhone to email and I didn’t really notice.
She brought it up the next session and started to berate me for sending that singular pic out of all the obvious other intended pictures. She said it’s inappropriate to send her pictures of myself. I explained to her the accident and she seemed shocked. All she said was “oh well ok”. I don’t know why she got so triggered I’ve always kept good boundaries with her. I can’t believe she immediately started accusing me for one picture of me posing in the mirror while having a turtle neck in a jacket and everything.
Those are just a few of the shady things she’s done. Now back to current time. After I was raped. I still continued sessions with her and tried to get back on track. She wasn’t really helping. I would have extreme panic attacks on therapy video calls with her and she seemed at loss of what to do. I distanced myself from her and I started to get a little better, but then I started to have issues with some of my friends. That added onto my load of issues and started to push me to the edge.
I called my therapist the night of my attempt. I try not to call her after hours but I was in genuine crisis. I had spent the whole day being practically verbally abused by one of my friends. I was cracking slowly it surely and I reached out for help.
Otp I expressed to her how I felt betrayed by everyone around me. I asked her why everyone felt it was ok to treat me wrong whenever. Why wasn’t I able to find peace? Why I couldn’t find ppl who cared? My parents are emotionally abusive as well. That all stems into my ppl pleasing habits. I’ve let a lot of ppl take advantage of my nature because I’ve been conditioned to since birth. She knows my history and why I am the way I am. Instead of consoling me she yelled at me. “Well you knew they were bad ppl!” “If you knew they were bad ppl why are you blaming them you just need to stop hanging around bad ppl”. She then told me she had to go and hung up. She did ask me if I was safe but of course I lied. She knows I always try to see the best in ppl. I don’t see the bad till it’s too late most times. Her words stung like acid. I had been prescribed some sedatives to calm me during panic attacks. I had taken two but they weren’t helping. After that call I took the whole bottle. I didn’t want to die alone so I called my mother to stay in my room with me. Then I drifted into a deep sleep for hours into the next day’s afternoon. I had fallen asleep around 10 pm. I woke up the next day around 3pm still kicking but disordered.
I spent two weeks in a mental hospital. During that time I do t have access to my phone. I had my sister contact everyone that needed to be. Even Mere. She knew I was in there. I didn’t call her while I was there bc I was still upset at her after everything.
I was discharged but I didn’t set up a session for weeks. She emailed and called me once but I didn’t respond till I was fully settled back into my routine and okay enough to talk to her. I emailed her this
“Hallo, Sorry. I didn’t mean to ghost you. I just needed some time to get myself together. I called you just now. You are probably busy. I hope everything is doing well on your end. Sorry again. Sent from my iPhone”
I had planned to set up an appointment in the future to talk to her about everything but by the time I checked my patient portal a week or so later I had been discharged with no warning. No calm text or email.
I set up a meeting with her over the phone for 45 mins. When she first came onto the call the first thing she said was “I saw that you put our appointment for 45 mins. I changed it to 30 bc you know I did discharge you”. I thought it was pretty rude so instead of explaining everything I told her about how I didn’t have my phone in the hospital and the hospital themselves didn’t notify her because they were disorganized and were extremely unprofessional. It’s not like she wasn’t updated by my sisters anyway. When I got my phone after I got home I saw texts from her asking if I was still having a session with her. Knowing that I was in the hospital. It seemed she either didn’t care or didn’t believe I was in the hospital. In fact when she had spoken over the phone with one of my sisters she had lied to them about that night. She had told her “After I got otp with her I immediately started praying for her because I m ew something was deeply wrong” how delusional of her to say after she yelled at me and hung up.
Anyway after I explained my reasoning for going MIA she started to realize how fucked up she was and asked me how I was doing. I didn’t say much because I was done with her and she obviously didn’t intend of hearing the full story since she shortened our session. She started asking me why I didn’t want to continue therapy and seemed confused why I didn’t seem to beg her to re admit me. I told her I was done with therapy. She seemed concerned and said that she discharged me because she thought it’d be better for me to find an in person therapist. I knew it was a shitty excuse. I quickly hang up on her and don’t address anything.
I’m only processing this now because I’ve had much bigger things going on. I’m only now realizing how fucked up her behavior was. If I hadn’t spoken to her the night of my attempt I probably wouldn’t have tried to kill myself. I feel cheated out of help. I don’t feel angry at her I have to reserve that for someone more worthy of my rage. I only wished she didn’t use the fact that I would never call her out on her behavior usually. She knew my temperament and took advantage of that. I don’t think I’ll ever trust a therapist again. She victim blamed me, mocked me, berated me in my time of need, and then abandoned me on baseless assumptions that could’ve been easily cleared up if she actually listened to what my sisters and I were saying. She didn’t even say sorry when we were talking. Or express any remorse besides embarrassment for jumping to conclusions. SMH.
TLDR: My therapist berated me for trusting ppl in my life the night of my suicide attempt. Then Discharged me from her care without consulting me first. Blamed me for all her mistakes and jumped to conclusions randomly then never apologized for the baseless accusations. I am at a loss for words and at a loss for trust in therapy again.

This is a very long one.
I (19f) have been in and out of long term/short term facilities since I was 12 years old. I’ve had suicide attempts and have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder. This is definitely not my first experience with a therapist. Over the years I’ve had over 6+. Not because they haven’t worked for me all the time, but because they either move onto another facility or I move onto another phase in life.
Last year I adopted a new therapist “Mere” thanks to my older sister “North”. My current Therapist “Tina” who I’ve been working with for the past 3 and a half years, switched to a facility where my insurance only covers 30 min sessions. North didn’t think that was enough for me at the time since I wasn’t doing so well mentally. The therapist she recommended worked closely with her own and offered 1hr long sessions, so I agreed wanting to try something new since my old therapist seemed to not specialize in trauma and ptsd. Kerr was highly recommended for those topics.
We started our sessions not soon after my sister offered. The first couple months were hard. Our personalities seemed to clash. Not because mine was bad, but because I was deeply depressed. I was not a joy to be around and everyone seemed annoyed with my constant melancholy. Even my therapists seemed sick of me.
Over time I learned to adapt my personality to be more palatable. My therapists loved it now that I was interacting with them and making jokes. I treated them more like friends now instead of therapists and they seemed to appreciate that. I found it funny because a lot of my issues I explained to them was faking my personality to fit into the crowd and adapt. Due to me being f a people pleaser. They didn’t see anything wrong with the change since I seemed to be getting better mentally.
I was better. I wouldn’t attribute much of my success to my therapists tho. It was nice to have someone to talk to since at the time I had no friends, but they didn’t seem to know how to handle my constant depression so I started to hide it from them. Even from myself. Over time I was able to function a lot better. I switched my sessions to only once every two weeks and I was planning on ending them all together since I was doing so well on my own and haven’t need much help in a while.
It seems that I ah e bad luck. Right when I was at my peak recovery and condition, I was raped on the first day of the new year. I spiraled back into my deep deep deep depression worse than any other relapse I had before. I survived on Benadryl and ice cream for weeks. I took the pills so I didn’t have to be awake to long. I ate only food that I liked the most (mainly unhealthily) my health declined.
My mental health was the worst of it tho. The day after the rape occurred I had a session with my newer therapist. I start telling her the details of my assault. The shock was still fresh in my brain and my memories were scrambled. I greatly blamed myself. I thought I was the weirdo.
Mere only confirmed my sentiments. Before I could fully list out the details of the night it happened she immediately started to spew accusations of my intentions that night. Saying phrases like “Well when someone is pleasuring you it’s hard to say no and there’s nothing wrong with that”
I shut up then and just agreed with her but something still didn’t sit right with me. I went on Reddit and there was mixed opinions about it. A lot of ppl validated my feelings and others thought It was my fault. After fully processing this event and fully remembering it in its entirety I can say confidently that what happened to me was rape.
The next session we had I was able to tell the full story. Mede had just said “Oh. Well you didn’t mention all this before. That’s definitely not ok”. The thing is tho, she was the one to cut me off and make assumptions instead of trying to pull out the full story. She knew I had extreme ptsd and I probably wouldn’t be able to give an in-depth detailed explanation of what happened. She still insulted me anyway and brushed me off.
I thought this to be weird but I brushed it off. When you think k you’re in the presence of a professional you don’t often question things especially if you aren’t in the mental space to do so. So ignored her.
There have been times where she’s been short with me. One time she had asked to switch a 12pm session to 5pm. When I refused she said she’d have to charge me a cancellation fee. It seemed that she just wanted to get paid for that session still and wanted to guilt me into paying. I refused and explained that she was the one who cancelled on me and she immediately backed down realizing I wouldn’t be easily pushed around. I didn’t think much of it then.
Another time. I had gone to this tattoo parlor to get my belly button pierced. I took videos and pictures of the process. She requested in our session that week to see the pictures. I agreed to send and emailed them to her in two emails. In one there was all the pictures of the parlor, the. The other had the videos of the full process. Accidentally I had added one singular picture of me. I was at school and I took a picture in the schools bathroom. There was nothing indecent about it I just accidentally pressed on that picture as I was sending the others. IT happened a lot when using your iPhone to email and I didn’t really notice.
She brought it up the next session and started to berate me for sending that singular pic out of all the obvious other intended pictures. She said it’s inappropriate to send her pictures of myself. I explained to her the accident and she seemed shocked. All she said was “oh well ok”. I don’t know why she got so triggered I’ve always kept good boundaries with her. I can’t believe she immediately started accusing me for one picture of me posing in the mirror while having a turtle neck in a jacket and everything.
Those are just a few of the shady things she’s done. Now back to current time. After I was raped. I still continued sessions with her and tried to get back on track. She wasn’t really helping. I would have extreme panic attacks on therapy video calls with her and she seemed at loss of what to do. I distanced myself from her and I started to get a little better, but then I started to have issues with some of my friends. That added onto my load of issues and started to push me to the edge.
I called my therapist the night of my attempt. I try not to call her after hours but I was in genuine crisis. I had spent the whole day being practically verbally abused by one of my friends. I was cracking slowly it surely and I reached out for help.
Otp I expressed to her how I felt betrayed by everyone around me. I asked her why everyone felt it was ok to treat me wrong whenever. Why wasn’t I able to find peace? Why I couldn’t find ppl who cared? My parents are emotionally abusive as well. That all stems into my ppl pleasing habits. I’ve let a lot of ppl take advantage of my nature because I’ve been conditioned to since birth. She knows my history and why I am the way I am. Instead of consoling me she yelled at me. “Well you knew they were bad ppl!” “If you knew they were bad ppl why are you blaming them you just need to stop hanging around bad ppl”. She then told me she had to go and hung up. She did ask me if I was safe but of course I lied. She knows I always try to see the best in ppl. I don’t see the bad till it’s too late most times. Her words stung like acid. I had been prescribed some sedatives to calm me during panic attacks. I had taken two but they weren’t helping. After that call I took the whole bottle. I didn’t want to die alone so I called my mother to stay in my room with me. Then I drifted into a deep sleep for hours into the next day’s afternoon. I had fallen asleep around 10 pm. I woke up the next day around 3pm still kicking but disordered.
I spent two weeks in a mental hospital. During that time I do t have access to my phone. I had my sister contact everyone that needed to be. Even Mere. She knew I was in there. I didn’t call her while I was there bc I was still upset at her after everything.
I was discharged but I didn’t set up a session for weeks. She emailed and called me once but I didn’t respond till I was fully settled back into my routine and okay enough to talk to her. I emailed her this
“Hallo, Sorry. I didn’t mean to ghost you. I just needed some time to get myself together. I called you just now. You are probably busy. I hope everything is doing well on your end. Sorry again. Sent from my iPhone”
I had planned to set up an appointment in the future to talk to her about everything but by the time I checked my patient portal a week or so later I had been discharged with no warning. No calm text or email.
I set up a meeting with her over the phone for 45 mins. When she first came onto the call the first thing she said was “I saw that you put our appointment for 45 mins. I changed it to 30 bc you know I did discharge you”. I thought it was pretty rude so instead of explaining everything I told her about how I didn’t have my phone in the hospital and the hospital themselves didn’t notify her because they were disorganized and were extremely unprofessional. It’s not like she wasn’t updated by my sisters anyway. When I got my phone after I got home I saw texts from her asking if I was still having a session with her. Knowing that I was in the hospital. It seemed she either didn’t care or didn’t believe I was in the hospital. In fact when she had spoken over the phone with one of my sisters she had lied to them about that night. She had told her “After I got otp with her I immediately started praying for her because I m ew something was deeply wrong” how delusional of her to say after she yelled at me and hung up.
Anyway after I explained my reasoning for going MIA she started to realize how fucked up she was and asked me how I was doing. I didn’t say much because I was done with her and she obviously didn’t intend of hearing the full story since she shortened our session. She started asking me why I didn’t want to continue therapy and seemed confused why I didn’t seem to beg her to re admit me. I told her I was done with therapy. She seemed concerned and said that she discharged me because she thought it’d be better for me to find an in person therapist. I knew it was a shitty excuse. I quickly hang up on her and don’t address anything.
I’m only processing this now because I’ve had much bigger things going on. I’m only now realizing how fucked up her behavior was. If I hadn’t spoken to her the night of my attempt I probably wouldn’t have tried to kill myself. I feel cheated out of help. I don’t feel angry at her I have to reserve that for someone more worthy of my rage. I only wished she didn’t use the fact that I would never call her out on her behavior usually. She knew my temperament and took advantage of that. I don’t think I’ll ever trust a therapist again. She victim blamed me, mocked me, berated me in my time of need, and then abandoned me on baseless assumptions that could’ve been easily cleared up if she actually listened to what my sisters and I were saying. She didn’t even say sorry when we were talking. Or express any remorse besides embarrassment for jumping to conclusions. SMH.
TLDR: My therapist berated me for trusting ppl in my life the night of my suicide attempt. Then Discharged me from her care without consulting me first. Blamed me for all her mistakes and jumped to conclusions randomly then never apologized for the baseless accusations. I am at a loss for words and at a loss for trust in therapy again.

https://www.midwesterndoctor.com/p/dissecting-the-new-york-times-plea
"Story at a Glance:
•Repeatedly forcing the public (e.g., through mandates) to use unsafe and ineffective therapies (that injured millions) has created a public relations disaster for the establishment.
• Various attempts have been made to do the impossible—restore the public’s trust in our medical institutions without any of them admitting fault.
• Here, I review each of the previous attempts and how they were used to create the recent infamous article by the NYT—which while monumental for bringing attention to the COVID vaccine-injured, also repeats a variety of strategic and very harmful lies to protect the vaccine industry.
• One of the mysteries of the COVID-19 response is what could have possibly justified breaking the public’s trust in the medical institutions our society revolves around. Here I will review the most compelling explanations we’ve come across after three years of investigating this commonly asked question."
....
"Before we go any further, I'd like to focus on its title, which sadly synopsizes the entire NYT article:
Note: thousands is a very clever word to use here, since if 999,900 people were permanently disabled by the vaccine, it would still be “true” but it implies a far smaller number.
When the word “believe” is used, it can have a few different meanings. For example it could be used:
• When you think something is true but don’t have the ability to back it up (e.g., I frequently use “believe” here because I think it is important to note the claims I am making that I cannot provide strong evidence for).
• To characterize something someone thinks is true an irrational belief that only exists in their head (e.g., a common way medicine gaslights patients ds by arguing the symptoms they experienced from a pharmaceutical injury are actually just “in their head”).
• When you want to acknowledge someone’s feelings to make it seem like you are doing something but divorce the discussion from any factual or substantiative grounding (something which sadly is quite common in the modern left).
In turn, I would argue the NYT was not using “believe” in the way I believe is appropriate to do and instead doing the latter two. Thus, like all good propagandists, they are attempting to find a way to twist the situation so that they can have their cake and eat it. Similarly, if you consider the other underlined phrase, it’s clear someone spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to write something that sounded like an acceptable admission and apology to those injured by the vaccines but simultaneously suggested that those injuries aren’t really a thing and there is nothing to be concerned about with the vaccine." .... "Note: as I show throughout this article, one of the most common scripts used to defend the vaccination program has been that the injuries are rare (e.g., one in a million). The best estimate I have seen of the vaccine injury rate is 18% of recipients experiencing mild to moderate injuries, 0.9% experience significant injuries (e.g., disabilities)—which of course does not include the many who have died (which many estimate at around 1 in 1000)."

Hello! I (N14) recently wanted to talk to my dad. My parents got divorced last year and I didn't get to talk to him one on one honestly since then. I arranged the meeting in a park near my school (just in case I wanted my mom to pick me up). There was a list of things I wanted to talk to him about. Things I felt like we needed to be honest to each other about and to start making a bond.
- I resent him for years of drinking and neglect. He never apologized or even acknowledged it, He acts like I haven't been there during covid and like I didn't see him drunk. I'm scared of drinking and alcohol because of him. I just wanted him to apologize and to acknowledge
- I wanted to get to know him as a person. I know him as a dad, but as a normal guy, no. I wanted to build more friendly connection with him and something more then just parent/child relationship. I wanted more friend/friend relationship with him (like the one I have with my mom) or "acutance" someone I can talk to more freely. I'm just tired of trying to figure out who my dad is from other people. I want to know who he is from him.
- I wanted him to join my church. I understand that my dad is entitled to his own opinions on religion and that he is not obligated to join anything. I'm not forcing him into it, and never will. Religion is something that a person should decide for themselves. You can never force a person into religion. But i just thought that religion is something we can bond from. I wanted him to go to church with my on Saturdays (my church is on Saturdays, yes) since i I'm part of the youth group/English service crew (Also my church is not English only, we are Rus/Eng church).
- It's ok for him to start dating. I always felt like my dad thought that I resented my mom for dating someone right after the divorce (My mom DID NOT CHEAT, she just met her boyfriend at a gathering before the divorce). Plus I think my dad still views my mom as his wife, and he feels like he is cheating on her. I wanted to set that straight with him that no matter who he, or my mom dates, I'll view them as my only parents (I'm defiantly not in the age range of needing another father or a stable male figure)
- I need him to stop treating me like a kid. I understand that he is my dad and has the right to parent me. But i do not like when he is trying to get into my business and parent me there. I can figure out my own relationships with people. If his help is needed, I will tell him if needed, but I do not need him contently be over me ,worried. I still think he sees me as his little "girl", but It's just getting on my nerves and just makes more stressed then I'm already. I wanted to set that clear boundary with him.
These were the main points that I wanted to bring up with him. Sadly, I didn't have the courage to talk to him on all topics. The only ones I got to were church, dating and understanding him more. He was happy that I didn't hate him for wanting to date. He didn't want to go to church with me (he hates them and people talking "down to him"? that what he said). He was good with me wanting to get to know him more. He admitted that I never really got to know him because he was gone for 4 years of my life, trying to settle in America. I was happy with how our convo went. But also i was really disappointed? I know I shouldn't say things like that about my father but... I feel like he is trying to groom me in a way. Not sexually ofc! But more like... Domestic abuse wise. He abused my mother when they were married and I feel like he wanted that for me to.
Also important thing is. Is that i got physically sick from talking to him. I think I was under so much stress from just talking to him, I got sick. I'm scared of him. that scares me.
Ill finish this post off, If you need any clarifications, ask! <3 (also English is not my first language so If i made any mistakes or might have phrased myself in an incorrect manner, I'm really sorry. :[ )

There have been an increasing number of juniors visiting this sub asking for advice about writing essays. Below are some tips and advice for making your essay stand out as excellent. Feel free to ask questions because I will answer every single question in the comments.
I know from experience that many of you are struggling to identify a good topic for your essay. Conventional wisdom says to start by brainstorming a list of potential topics, and chances are, you have already started a mental list of ideas. You might think you only have a few choices for topics, based on your activities or experiences, or essay examples you read, or the rough draft you already started (or worse, that GPT started...). I advise, however, that you put down your list of topics and back away from it. Forget that exists for a moment. Seriously - thinking about this initial list tethers you to certain ideas that might not actually be your best options.
Now you can begin brainstorming with a clean slate.
Start with thinking about what you want to show in your entire application, not just one essay. Every single component in your app has one purpose – to tell more about YOU. Filling out the rest of the application by rote and focusing solely on the essay is short-sighted and will leave so much potential untapped in your application.

It's About You. Tell Your Story - And Be The Protagonist

An admissions officer’s goal is to understand you fully, in the context of your background and the rest of the applicant pool. They will begin this with assessing your academic abilities and potential. Then they will evaluate how you will fit into the student body they’re trying to curate. All of this can be somewhat broad and diverse and touch on several institutional goals. But they will dig deep to find out what each applicant is like, what your core values and motivations are, what kind of student you will be, how you will contribute to the vibrant and intellectual campus community they’re building, etc.
Your goal with essay brainstorming is to ascertain how to powerfully tell your story in a manner that will fit these criteria. The entirety of your application (again, not just one essay) aims to showcase your abilities, qualifications, and uncommon attributes as a person in a positive way. Before you begin outlining or writing your application, you must determine what is unique about you that will stand out to an admissions panel. All students are truly unique. Not one other student has the same combination of life experiences, personality, passions, or goals as you do. Your job in your application is to frame your unique personal attributes in a positive and compelling way. How will you fit on campus? What personal qualities, strengths, core values, talents, or different perspectives do you bring to the table? What stories, deeper motivations/beliefs, or formative experiences can you use to illustrate all of this?
It is always helpful to start with some soul-searching or self-examination. You might not immediately know what you want to share about yourself. It’s not a simple task to decide how to summarize your whole life and being in a powerful and eloquent way on your application. Introspection prior to starting your application takes additional time and effort rather than jumping straight into your first draft. But it is also a valuable method to start writing a winning application that stands out from the stack.
You'll see the advice everywhere that all essay prompts are really about the same thing - you. The goal of each essay then is to showcase who you are, what matters to you, and how you think. I guarantee if you're on this sub enough, you'll hear the advice to "show, don't tell" when writing about yourself. But what does this mean really, and how do you do it well? How do you even get started on an essay that does this?

Introspection Questions

It’s often easiest to start thinking in terms of superlatives, especially those related to personal insights -- what are the most meaningful things about you, and what do you value the most? Here is a list of questions to help you brainstorm broadly before you narrow down your focus for writing:

• What are your interests?
  
• What sparks your curiosity?
  
• About what topics do you enjoy reading?
  
• With whom do you enjoy spending time? Who has impacted your life the most?
  
• Reflect upon “superlatives” in your life. What moments were most memorable, formative, enlightening, enjoyable, or valuable? What physical possessions, experiences, dreams, or lessons could make your superlatives list?
  
• Stop and think about what things, people, or circumstances in your life are really unique, fascinating, or outlandish. Are there any that really have a lot of "cultural flavor" (whatever your culture is)?
  

I have a free introspection worksheet with over 100 questions like this designed to help you find ideas worth exploring in your essays. You can find it on the A2C Discord or download it directly here.

Find Your Story And Arc

Think of a small anecdote or story from your life that you could share that serves as a microcosm of who you are and what is important to you. It will massively help you narrow this down and find a gem of a story if you first start by thinking about your application arc or theme. This is the one-phrase summary of your entire application. It could be "brilliant entrepreneur who started her own successful business" or "talented athlete who wants to study economics and finance as they pertain to sports", or even "avid baker whose hobby sparked an interest in chemistry". It doesn't have to be related to your intended major, but it can help your arc be stronger and clearer if it is.
Once you have an arc determined and a story to share, think about what you want that story to say about you. This is where it can help to think of this as something you would share on a date - what impression does it make about you to the reader? Once you know this, start showing, not telling this attribute of yourself through your story. For example, instead of saying that you're compassionate toward others, you show an example of a time you were compassionate, then elaborate on why, and what it means to you.

Essay Brainstorming Techniques

If you are having trouble finding a story, or simply have writer’s block once you have picked your topic, here are some ideas to get your juices flowing:

• Stream of consciousness writing -- Start writing whatever is in your head, and don’t stop for 30 minutes. You probably won’t use what you just wrote for your essay, but it will help you find a starting point.
  
• Journaling -- Answer the prompt as if you were writing in a journal. This will get you in the habit of writing about yourself and establish comfort with the concept. It will also take you to a new level of introspection and self-awareness.
  
• Twitter X style -- Write several rapid-fire responses to the prompt in 280 characters or less. Choose an idea from these responses to expound upon in your essay.
  
• Read each essay prompt, then go through your introspection worksheet responses and connect the stories and insights to one or more of the prompts. Some students like using color coding to visually see how their different ideas might work together.
  

Why Essays Matter

Here's the thing a lot of people don't realize about college admission: it's not an award for being the smartest, most accomplished, or most impressive. It's an invitation to join a community. Far too many students think that if they can just show that they're smart enough, they'll get in. Yale even says right on their admissions website that 75% of their applicants are academically qualified to succeed at Yale. But only ~4% are getting in. That should tell you that they're looking for more than just top tier test scores and grades. To be perfectly clear, you will need top tier grades and (optionally) test scores to show that you're qualified, and the vast majority of my students come to me with this part already in the bank. But what sets the admits apart? It's personal insight - sharing who you are, how you think, what matters to you, and how you engage community. You can't just say "/IAmVerySmart, please admit me," or even "I did a cool thing guys! Isn't that neat!" You need to go deeper and show them your core values, personal strengths, motivations, aspirations, character traits, foundational beliefs, personality, etc. And you need to do it in a charming, winsome way that makes them like you and want to invite you to join their community.
So how do I get students to do this? All of my students complete that introspection worksheet. We go through it and find the stories, examples, anecdotes, conversations, memories, relationships, and other things from their life that will help us craft a strong and personally insightful narrative. We also make lists of the values, strengths, and key personal qualities we want to showcase. Once we have some topics, outlines, abstracts, or rough drafts, we talk about which stories to tell where, how to tell them well, and what details to include to present the best they have to offer. Then we refine, edit, polish, and enhance over and over until the story sings, but more importantly shows their heart and soul. We also go through all the other application components to ensure consistency, quality, and distinctiveness.
Here's why this works so well: at most highly selective colleges there is a primary reader (or 2-3) who will review everything first and then present it to the admissions committee, who then votes on whether to admit you. That presentation typically goes one of three ways:

1. Total enthusiasm, energy, and excitement. They strongly advocate for admission and paint a clear picture of how you will contribute to their goals and community. Everyone in the room picks up on that energy and is leaning forward in their chairs, looking for reasons to admit you. This is quite rare, generally less than 5 out of every 100 applications, even among those which are "fully qualified." When you do this right, you show depth, meaning, and valuable personal insights so the reviewer is learning about who you are and how you might engage the community they're curating. You come alive off the page as a person, not just another file.
   
2. Business as usual. You're another great applicant in a pile of great applicants. They share a basic review of the facts, your profile, stats, strengths, weaknesses, etc. Maybe someone on the committee finds something they love, and they really push for admission. More likely, not and you get deferred/waitlisted even though there wasn't anything "wrong" with your application. They just didn't love you enough to commit.
   
3. "Here's a stack of 20 applications that I didn't find all that compelling, so we won't present them individually, but you guys are the committee and you make the decisions. So let me know if there are any you want to talk about." In this case, unless there's a letter of endorsement from an athletics coach or your last name matches several buildings on campus, you're probably not getting additional consideration, much less admission. They will regret to inform you.
   

Everything we're doing is designed to help them get to know themselves, present the best they have to offer, and land in that first group. Having top tier essays is the single best way to get there. Get started on brainstorming in the next few weeks so you'll have time to get a few essays completed over the summer.