Compare and contrast worksheet middle school

I'm in my early 40's with a young family. Me and my wife make good money and our income is upper middle class but living in HCOL so it's pretty much just an average joe that can't even afford to buy a house.
The first thing I did when I finished my degree is to have as little contact as possible with my family. No one in my family ever held a job for more than a few months. The last time they had a 9-5 job was over 10 years ago. However my parents are wealthy, they were entrepreneurs but then their business failed. The only thing that got them super rich now is because they invested all the money they had into real estates and held onto it. Plus they know how to legally do money laundering and so called "tax savings".
I keep as little contact with them as possible. Sometimes I don't see them for a few years but since I've got kids, they are try getting into my life. It never ends up good. I still get calls from them about once a month to tell me how useless I am for holding a job and not have my own business. I keep telling them, I'm the only one in the family that is normal and have held a white collar career ever since I graduated 20 years ago. Yet she keeps telling me that I'm wasting my potential. That I could be so much better and she is telling me that for my own good.
Around last year my mom got really sick and was very close to dying. I thought hey maybe a near death situation will change her. Yes for awhile I thought she did. However after she fully recovered, she went back to her usual. Calls me up and tell me my wife is a whore and is a worthless mother to my kids. She knows little to nothing about my wife. Doesn't even know her name because she is just so used to calling her slurs. When I call her out on it she just tells me she doesn't need to know my wife name because she is not important.
Despite how much I hate my mom. When I saw my mom in ICU and unconscious. It did break me and I keep going back to her. I've not had any financial aid from them since I finished school. In fact she is the one that borrows money from me from time to time. When I tell her 10k is a lot of money when you take into account of my net worth vs her net worth. She completely flips out and say she spent so much money raising us and this is the least I could do. Some nights when I get really high, I keep thinking she won't have much time left. I love my kids and I would do anything for them. If one day I'm on my deathbed, I would really hope my kids would come and see me. I wonder if she feels that way too. Then all it takes is talking to her for 5 mins on the phone and I'm like F that, she is not worth my time and money.
However here comes the issue. I got a young family to feed. Life is indeed hard with inflation and deep down I know money would make everything so easy. Though it would absolutely wreck my mental health as it means they will want to be part of my life. My wife says it's up to me but she really don't want any financial aid from my side of the family. She said we are self sufficient and rather be happy then be in debt to anyone. But it's still a lot of inheritance and I know I would most likely get nothing. Back when I didn't have a family to feed, I'm like sure I've signed the legal paper to forfeit any inheritance and to give the house they bought back. I really don't know what to do but I know that every time I reconnect with my mom, it never ever ends well. It might sound really dumb but at one point I thought hey, if I just slip in some edibles. Maybe it will stop her behaving like an a'hole.
On a slightly different subject. My siblings are all messed up. Sometimes I feel like I'm like that myself. I try to be perfect at everything I do and I can't stand it when people around me is not perfect or doing their best.

The exam did not focus on one section, sure there were slightly more questions on certain topics compared to others but there wasn't a single clinical section that stood out to me.
Calculations overall weren't bad. There were a couple that tripped me up, but overall not a difficult section. - For reference I went over all the calculations chapters (on PNN) at the beginning of my studying and then practiced some problems about once a week after that just to keep fresh. I didn't feel the need to spend time every day doing calculations if I already knew how to do them.
Some questions were very basic, some more detailed - I cant say which topics to study in more detail because these types of questions can come from anywhere.
Know biostats like the back of your hand... calculations and being able to interpret the data. This was one section that really stood out to me.
Bring a snack!!! Something with some sugar and maybe some caffeine to keep you going. The exam is draining. I finished in about 4.5 hours and I could feel myself noticeably slowing down towards the end, having to read some things twice. (It didn't help that my dog wasn't feeling well last night and woke me up twice in the middle of the night to go outside...) - this should be obvious, but make sure you get a good night sleep!
Good luck to everyone your studies and testing

there’s no bad blood, not really. These girls and I (32Fs) have been close friends since we were little. But since my partner (34M) passed unexpectedly in the middle of everyone’s inaugural wedding season, it seems like they can’t make sense of me anymore.
I don’t want that to sound dismissive or whiny. This isn’t from a place of envy or anger. It just really made things awkward in a way I didn’t expect, both at the weddings and in the dynamics of our friend group.
He and I made it to one wedding before his passing. I had six more to follow that, two of which I was standing up in with pretty big planning responsibilities and costs.
I live out of state and had to travel back home for most of the events, which was straining of course but I was determined to be a part of as much as I could. Like maybe I couldn’t have my roots done for photos but goddamn I will be giving a speech at my best friends wedding!
Grief is not a new thing in my life, or that of my friends. We grew up together and attended each-others family funerals. Personally, my family experienced a string of deaths while we were still in grade school. So they’ve seen me live this a lot of times. I have a dark sense of humor to cope, always have. Nothing crass but I like to lighten the mood, yknow?
Anyway, I don’t know what it is about my partners passing that has classed me in another category for them, but I feel very much like an outsider now. It’s a kids glove approach, or maybe condescension? I can’t identify it exactly, just that I am now unapproachable apparently. A mystery to them!!
Yes my partner died. I’m not dating but I’m not dead! I cannot get a girls night to save my life and it’s been so isolating. We don’t really do silly little chats like we used to. All the group chats are so dry and I feel like I’m to blame somehow.
I gave a lot of grace for the awkward vibes during the honeymoon period, but it’s been nearly three years and still can’t seem to get my groove back with friends my age. Friends at all, really.
Has anyone else experienced this or something similar?

I am in middle school and my mother really doesnt like the idea of me being on medication so I havent been ever. I hate feeing stupid but I honestly never have been good at math/ writing mostly because of dyslexia and Dyscalculia (I am double fucked😿) but I just wanted to know how you guys make life even a little easier school wise for your selves😸

Hello, I (22m) went to an initial therapy session 2 weeks ago. I went because I wanted help with being comfortable around people. I don't have any friends, and haven't had any since middle school. I only show my true personality to my two sisters and parents. With other people my personality retreats into a shell. I am very quiet, my mind often blank in conversation not knowing what to say. With my family I don't have to think of what to say or do, I just am. I see others interact with each other so easily just being themselves with each other the way I can be myself with my family. Seeing them interact so easily made me feel a bit envious. I wished I could just be comfortable around people like they are, and not be so tense and uncomfortable when socializing. I hate that I probably make people uncomfortable when socializing because of how awkward and socially inept I am. In my work I've noticed the ones with the best social skills get special treatment and get promoted to better positions. This is what brought me to my first therapy session. I felt something is wrong with me because of how much I stand out from my peers.
But after reflecting a little the last two weeks. I don't know if I really care about being closer with people or connecting with them. I don't have a desire for friends. I haven't had them for a long time and never felt lonely from it. The few times people have tried to be my friend, I disliked engaging in conversation, texting, hanging out, etc. I have almost never felt a desire to initiate conversation with people, the few times I did it was so people wouldn't think I am so weird for never talking. A part of me does desire a girlfriend, but I think I just like the idealized fantasy, I know the real thing would be just as exhausting as other relationships.
My therapist said we'll work on helping me be more comfortable around people. I think I am well socialized enough to do my job and do everyday things out in the world. It was just making genuine connections/friends that I struggled with. But I don't know if I care to make genuine connections/friends. I don't think I do. So this is making me wonder if I should even continue going to therapy. But perhaps I do want to have friends/relationships and I am just coping telling myself I don't need or want them. I don't feel this is the case but it could be. I feel content now, but will I still feel content in a decade? Two decades? Eventually my siblings will leave to make their own families, and my parents wont be there forever. I would be truly alone then. If I did have a problem it would be easier to solve now than solving it way later in life. These are the concerns I have. Is it best I stay in therapy even though I feel mostly content right now?
As a side note I also really struggle with coming up with things to say in therapy (people in general) so I feel it would make therapy a lot harder. My mind blanked so much on the last session.

PGY-1 on an IM rotation at an OSH. As it's Psych adjacent I got a somewhat challenging case dumped in my lap and I'm struggling to handle it without any of my Psych seniors or attendings to turn to. Part of the struggle is that I have a number of complicated patients and don't have the time to actually dive into the patient psych history and gather collateral. Additionally I seem to be caught in the middle of a finger pointing turf war between Psych and Neuro -- and neither service seems particularly sharp or have bothered to do a proper investigation.
Briefly ~70 yo who received anesthesia ~ 4 months ago and within a day or two began undergoing pretty drastic, progressive changes -- with 48 hours expressing SI, and significantly increased anxiety and progressive difficulty with memory. Patient was treated at an inpatient facility that no-one has bothered to get records for and started on unknown medications. Continued worsening until ~ 1 week ago when he was admitted to a sister hosptial's inpatient ward. Notes from that admission are unrevealing as the patient was deemed unable to have a meaningful interview due to neurocognitive decline. I haven't had the time to piece together the exact medications but it appears they were trialed on mirtazapine with quetiapine PRNs for agitation with Trazodone for sleep before coming to us on 10mg Escitalopram and 5mg Buspar. About 5 days ago patient had orthostatic hypotension and was transferred to my hospital and I came on service 3 days ago. Iniitally no psychotropic changes other than haloperidol 5mg PRN for agitation.
Workup here has consisted of LP and MRI w/wo contrast which have so far been unrevealing. Psychiatry has claimed this is primarily neurologic (rapidly progressive dementia) Neurology believed this to be primary psychiatric (severe anxiety, or possibly prion) until 3 days ago when they decided the patient has serotonin syndrome on the basis of tremor and hyperreflexia (+3 in patellar and achilles, +2 elsewhere). Neurology also noticed for the first time clonus at ankle. I had low suspicion but recognized that I have limited experience, that Serotonin syndrome can have a varied presentation, and that neurology would not engage in further attempts to find differentials without running down this lead reluctantly followed their recommendations. Buspar has been stopped for two days and Escitalopram is now down to 5mg and will be stopped by week end. Against my better judgement given age, patient is now on 2mg Diazepam PO BID with 2mg IM PRN for agitation (which has not been needed). There has been no improvement in neurological or psychiatric symptoms.
Today, Neurology forced me to call poison control for further treatment recommendations (who also expressed skepticism and did not recommend any changes), and further diagnosed patient with catatonia. Which...may actually be the case as Neurology reported posturing and rigidity (I had not observed either), but leaves me unsure how to proceed. I am surprised that the diazepam has at best had no improvement, and at worst may have precipitated this, but I also know that significant amounts of benzos can be required for treatment so lack of improvement doesn't necessarily signify anything.
I plan to do a Bush Francis tomorrow to see for myself, but it will be my first time performing one. My understanding is that as long as any two of the criteria are scored that a catatonia diagnosis can be made and further evaluation is for severity. Is that a correct understanding? Beyond that, I have read that in geriatric populations as little as .5mg Ativan can be used for a challenge (I am unsure if I would even be allowed to perform at this hospital) and that Zolpidem may have some efficacy as a challenge drug as well. How do you all go about diagnosing catatonia in the, especially hospitalized, geriatric population?

Someone asked about reasons for my ED and it got me thinking. This post is way too long for a comment so I’ve made it a post. It is probably very triggering as it’s about my eating disorder also mentions sexual assault, self harm and suicide.
I was a gymnast 16-20 hours a week, I could eat what I wanted and stay thin. I think it started around 14. A group of girls I use to hang around with at lunch time didn’t eat lunch, it never occurred to me I could do that. Soon turned into one meal or no food, plus 3-4 hours of intense exercise. I liked the way it felt. To have my uniform hang off me, the lightness. I felt small and hidden. I was very shy, hardly ever spoke and just wanted to fit in, luckily I was never bullied (not by my peers at least, the emotional abuse at home was horrendous). The thinner I got, people started gravitating towards me and I didn’t even realise, I never had many friends before that. But I was also still anxious, I didn’t feel good enough at gymnastics. I was scared of failure, especially at school. I wanted to be perfect. I think hitting puberty was also a reason, I hated having breasts and hips they made my leotard feel too revealing. I found my period inconvenient, I wanted it to stop. I remember changing for PE and wanting to hide my body. But I look back at photos and I was skeletal. I think I also liked the attention which I didn’t get at home, it was more just looks from teachers, they never said anything but they were kind to me. But in my head I thought maybe if I get really skinny, they’ll like me, talk to me. I loved Matilda as a child and wanted a mom like miss honey, to show affection and love me lol. Ahh that’s sad. I didn’t feel loved by my parents.
Things broke down at home even more, it had been a messy divorce and constant custody issues with my parents since I was 4, my dad was going through his second divorce now and blamed his kids, me. One night he was drunk/high and he became violent. I think that broke a part of me.
I was one of the older girls at gymnastics by now (15-16) I felt huge compared to most of the younger girls and my focus was on the older ones, who were very thin and delicate. I never felt delicate, just massive. Looking back there were girls bigger than me, strong beautiful women. I also didn’t have the energy and said I wanted to focus on school, which I guess had some truth, so I quit. By now I was being asked what I wanted to do for a career. I had no idea. I never thought about the future but a science teacher suggested medicine. I enjoyed science the most so went with it. Grades were very celebrated in my family and being praised felt good, I didn’t want to let anyone down.
Quitting gymnastics meant I could no longer eat as much, I wasn’t exercising as much, right? So I would go days without eating but I would still exercise, go for long runs at night. I started abusing laxatives at this time because I had started binge eating. Then I started college, I was drunk and carried off by a man and SA’d. I had been assaulted before as a child but that didn’t seem to affect me at the time. I didn’t even realise until I was older. I told a councillor and she said you got drunk and regretted it. It was my fault, I thought, I was drunk. But I told him to stop. He physically carried me to secluded place. I remember reaching to grab someone’s hand and they giggled. I started self harming, it became an addiction. I would cry all the time, argue with my mom. I remember being hit over and over by her and dissociating for the first time, it was so scary (and crazy to think about, we would argue about absolutely nothing, she was so horrible when I was a child and I have no idea why). I got kicked out a few times. I was spiralling, past abuse came to the surface and nothing made sense, I think this was the first time I wanted to die at 16. I drank and slit my wrists. But it wasn’t deep enough. I can’t remember what happened after, my mom never found out. My goal was to get to university so I could move out. I would go through periods of recovery, eating normal, especially over breaks from school when I was home all the time with my sister and mum. But at school, I still skipped breakfast and lunch, I spent all my free time in the library hiding from groups of people. People that would be eating. I was withdrawn.
I made it to university, I didn’t get into medicine. I had the grades but got no offers at first. Then I received an interview shortly after results were published (usually interviews are offered before finals and based on the condition you get the grades needed). This was my one shot. Unfortunately, I had a panic attack in the interview and left. I went with my second choice instead, no interview was required. I felt like a failure. I had failed. Living alone (away from parents) meant my ED was in full force now. I could avoid eating all together, I could binge and purge whenever and self harm. I remember my flatmate asking me one drunken night about an entire tub of ice cream that had gone and I told her. Her response was you’re not that skinny so it’s okay. I was shook, lol. I had terrible anxiety, which just got worse. I struggled to make friends. Lectures made me panic, too many people. I saw a doctor for depression/anxiety but avoided telling them about my ED, I didn’t want them to make me stop. I tried medication but it just got worse, I said my goodbyes but was then taken to the hospital. I was referred to a psychiatrist who told me I had BPD. I started stronger medication, antipsychotics and they really messed me up. I got worse, withdrew from all friendships (they always wanted to go out and eat or drink, but that was too many calories). I threw myself into studying and passed all my exams. I was never overweight or underweight during this time (compared to my gymnast days) but my eating was very disordered.
Back home, again. Struggling to get a job because interviews made me panic, how am I meant to say you should pick me, when I feel like shit? I would overdose a couple more times (I don’t know how I’m here), got treated in the hospital, all without nobody knowing. I would overdose and then go to work like nothing happened. I still felt like a failure, I wasn’t using my degree. Life felt empty, boring. What was the point? I had to do this for another 50+ years? No thank you. Tried all kinds of medications but nothing seemed to work or I would gobble them all up and then not have anymore so would just have to withdraw. I finally got a job with my degree but was so depressed, I stopped going, I didn’t get out of bed. I had an argument with my mom, I got kicked out and overdosed in my car. I was vomiting the pills up (they were so bitter) and was taken to hospital after talking to a suicide hotline. This was the first time she found out. I moved in with my brother and felt insanely guilty, a burden on him. He had a daughter too, my niece, and I didn’t want to affect her. He is so kind, I remember him making tea for me and my niece and there were no arguments at the dinner table. He is very athletic/health conscious too, and didn’t have any binge foods around the house. I never b/p during this time but still restricted. I managed to get myself together and got a job. It was the first job I could hold down. I saved up and got my own place. I stayed in that role for 7 years. I did have times when I would relapse binge-purge-restrict but I truly think that job saved my life in a way. I felt valued, I was helping other people. I opened up to my coworkers a little and they shared their experiences with SA and eating disorders (I never told them about mine, I couldn’t talk about it, but they helped me so much by being open and kind). A coworkefriend once told me how I looked so much healthiehappier now and that I was too thin when I started (it didn’t trigger me, she was being nice). She probably doesn’t remember but she had noticed. Sure my family was always commented how I was skinny, but nobody else ever said anything. Someone had noticed.
I recently looked at some old photos from Covid times and was shocked how swollen my cheeks and face was. I went through a period of being very bulimic. b/p every day (I would puke into a bucket in the shower until it was almost full) a particularly low point was when I was actually b/p at work or in public toilets. It has always been something I’d done at home. I was still depressed. Eventually, I started looking into psychedelics and it did help a little however things were bad where I lived, my neighbours were bullying me over parking, which just escalated for no reason, they would spit on my door and damage my car, which affected me quite a bit. Other neighbours had moved out because of them. After Covid, I moved into my car. It was cramped lol. I moved back to my mums after a panic attack. I remember going to a hen do with my friends from high school. Alcohol and not being able to relate to any of them (and being back home) triggered me badly. I overdosed. My mom found me and called the ambulance. I remember the paramedics gasping at my body, I was bones and felt proud about it. I escaped the hospital and carried on. I did see another psychiatrist who I told about my ED. The medical notes make me laugh, I told her my weight as being *KG I have no idea why or what I weighed, I’m 5’7 and she comments something like ‘unlikely, pt wearing baggy jumper, eating disorder’ ah confirmation at last. It’s not in my head?
Found myself a new place and here I am. I haven’t b/p for 3 years now, I’m 30, but I have taken up smoking and barely eat. Im struggling to find joy in anything lately. Talking to other people is hard. My weight is dropping fast and that feels good. I think I’m always a bit curious how much I can lose, sometimes I just seem to ‘recover’ and eat relatively normal. I still feel like a failure and unloveable/unlikeable. I don’t have any friends (there are people who talk to me but I never know why, I think I fear rejection and being hurt). I just don’t feel connected to anything except my ED, it’s the only thing that comforts me. I haven’t been intimate with anyone since being SA’d and just feel too embarrassed about it, embarrassed about my body in general, if I’m a normal weight I feel too fat, if I’m underweight I feel too boney. The worst part is that people are so much nicer to me when I’m restricting. It fucks with my head. I’m just kind of waiting to die in a way, I don’t feel sad about it. It’s easier to carry on doing what I’m doing than to attempt again. I’m scared it won’t work or I’ll end up in a worse position. I also don’t want to upset my family.
Idk maybe you can relate? Does any of this make sense. I’m not very articulate sorry, but that felt good to get off my chest.

Hi,
I was very lucky to get the opportunity to transfer to UChicago given I maintain solid academic standing in my first year of college (provisional transfer offer). I will be heading to Purdue this fall barring any waitlist surprises. Now before I start, what I’m about to say is assuming I do achieve a 3.5+ GPA in my freshman year. Also, thanks to my parents, cost is a nonissue.
I think Purdue CS is great. They host huge career fairs and have strong tech industry connections, which may make finding internships a tad easier. Furthermore, they have strong research in AI/ML’s application in aviation, which is a field of research I’ve been pursuing for a year. I’ve found a few clubs I’m interested in joining and I feel that I have a lot of flexibility to pursue my programming passions (starting competitive programming, low-level game dev, creating simulations, etc.) However, the school is in the middle of nowhere, and I like a city environment. Furthermore, I don’t know much about their math and physics programs, and any to double major in one of these.
On the other hand, I haven’t heard a whole lot about UChicagos CS program. I assume it’s pretty theory based (which I’d probably prefer) because of the stronger math department, but UChicago doesn’t have a great deal of industry connections. Now I know this isn’t really an issue since the onus is mostly on the student to apply, but I’ve also heard there isn’t really a very strong CS culture at UChicago, which is a bit of a put off. However, I’m also really interested in math and physics, and UChicago excels in these fields. If I attend I would probably try to double major in physics or math. Quantum computing is something I haven’t really explored much but I find it fascinating , and UChicago is world renowned for this field. Furthermore, Chicago in general is a very happening city, while Purdue is in the middle of nowhere.
Any advice for my future self who gets above a 3.5? Much appreciated.

this is my final for honors sophomore English, it's a speech I have to read infront of my class. is the last paragraph too ballsy or sound rude?
Walking into sophomore year I was expecting to breeze through it just like I did Freshman year. Obviously, that didn't happen. I went to STEM in freshman year, and it was easier than middle school. We had no expectations to have our work done on time or to do quality work. English and History classes were alternating days, but we almost never actually had English class. We did not do any assignments for that class, and this only set me up for failure. But, non the less, I tried, and I went into this year with a positive mindset. My mindset was immediately diminished when I got my grade for the Federalist Papers assignment. Take a wild guess at what I got. Then, I realized how hard I would need to work to succeed in this class. Afterall, I didn't even want to take this class to be honest. All my life, I have been a follower, and I just do what other people do to avoid any sort of conflict. So, when a then-friend told me to take Honors English 10 instead of regular, along with APUSH and doubling my math classes to do Algebra 2, I did so with no thought. Of course, I did not succeed. I have made a lot of decisions in my life based on what others tell me to do, and I don't take my own opinion into account. There was a post on Instagram that I saw one day, where the author stated that they were "a mosaic of everyone they have ever loved, even for a heartbeat. For me, I am a mosaic of everyone I have ever met I have always tried my best to please everyone without a second thought to myself. This year, while working on projects together and doing peer editing. I have gotten better at voicing my opinions and building off others. In other words, I have started to stop following others, and have started to lean on them for support instead, like we all do in our web. To stand here and say that I have mastered communicating with my peers would be a lie. I still have work to do, just like the rest of us.
Along with this, I have also learned academic skills that will help me in the future in college. I learned how to better manage my time and how to plan things out, although this still needs work.
For my Final Words, I would like to NOT-thank Mrs. Repko. You said not to be afraid to express our thoughts and opinions, or to offend you or anyone in the room, so here I go. There is a difference between purposely making class difficult and frustrating to help us bond, and making it so difficult and frustrating that we don't want to be here. Don't get me wrong, we definitely bonded from our struggles in the class, and I am so grateful for these bonds and the friends I have become close with. But, and I think I'm speaking for more than just myself here, We are so frustrated with this class that we often don't even want to go. Most of us were confused, and so frustrated about what was expected of us that we pushed off assignments as long as we could, just out of not knowing where to start. And my 8 hours straight all nighter on my literary analysis can attest to that. There is a line where creative freedom becomes too much, and eventually we are just trying to finish the work to have it done instead of showing our full potential, which we could have possibly done with more instruction and control. A lot of assignments crossed said line. The built up confusion and frustration overpowered potential learning and growth we were supposed to have done. Of course, I greatly appreciate Mrs Repko for all that she does for us, but I felt that this should be addressed
Thank you.
thank you so much for reading if you made it to the end, any and all advice is apreciated!!

bonus points if your partner was in there and making weird gestures at you with his tuba

I have always been overweight and awkward. Never had guys going after me or even really talking to me during middle or high school. I did community college, so didn't have much of the college experience of dorm life and parties. I didn't have sex until 19, and that was only because I really liked my friend but turned out he was super weird and made it my fault for us having sex and called me a jezebel.
I just want to be hit and confident in my skin and have casual sex. I get too attached. I think someone being nice to me is the best thing ever and I want to do any and everything for them. I am pathetic. I wish I didn't feel this way, and could just randomly hookup and not care if people don't lust after me.
I have had guys the have fucked me, but that doesn't mean much. These dudes will fuck holes in the ground and get off, so that doesn't mean much. I don't know how to stop worrying about others options and just doing what I want. I want to fuck and be worshipped but I don't have that confidence. And I know there are plenty of bigger women who are hot and sexy and confident and just ooze sex appeal, but that's not me.
I'm awkward and want to be liked, and I'm kinda dumb and boring. I've been told I'm great and nice to be around but it doesn't seem to be true. It's only true when they want to fuck me, but even then idk if I'm that good. I'm not confident and don't know how to be sexy. I am a pleaser and get them off, but it's rare that anyone wants to please me. Something much better wrong or disgusting about me then, right? I'm only being chased by certain guys because they see that I'll put out if they are nice.
I hate myself. Even if I wasn't desirable, at least I wish to be interesting, but I'm not even that or funny, or intellectual. There's nothing to me.

Hey guys! I listen to a lot of rock/metal and I’ve really gotten interested in learning electric guitar, but I’m not close to any guitar players so I’d be learning solo (I’m open to classes but I’m a full-time college student that works in the summer). I have a background as a percussionist from middle and high school so I know some music theory and can pretty confidently read sheet music. I’ve been doing my own research on what I need to start and I found 3 different kits. I don’t really know what the best option would be though, or if it’d be better to buy each piece separately. I’ve attached pictures of the three brands: Epiphone, Squier, and Yamaha. Also, I would like to play acoustic at some point too and I’m wondering if it’s better to learn on acoustic or if it’s okay to start with electric guitar. Any tips are greatly appreciated🙏

Serious question (US based)
How do I become upper class?
CONTEXT: My family grew up middle class in an upper middle class neighborhood. I remember feeling ashamed because my friends would vacation to Europe every summer or other exotic destinations while I spent my summers working, and my only "vacation" was to go to the local public pool.
I've been out of college for a year now and have been able to take some short vacations within the US, which has been nice. However I still work in retail making a very low salary and my parents have given me a deadline to move out soon. I'm well aware that what I make is NOT a liveable salary, at least in the part of the country where I live.
I've been applying to jobs for almost two years and have gotten the occasional interview or phone screen but have not landed a single offer. I majored in a liberal arts degree but changed my mind on my ideal career path at a point where I was already stuck in my degree. I'd love to work in business but have already been rejected from all the firms in my area, not just the top ones (all without even getting an interview). I've been applying to jobs daily but I know I need a way to earn more money if I need to start supporting myself soon. I've even signed up for a side gig just to supplement my current job but am still waiting to get approved.
I've thought about becoming a gold digger (I am female) or starting an OnlyFans, although I can't quite overcome my conscience to do the latter, and I am too fat to be the former (I have PCOS and have struggled with my weight my whole life). I am currently learning to watch my diet and calories and working on losing weight, but I am currently well over my ideal weight and am only losing weight at a very slow rate which means it will be several years before I am down to a healthy weight.
Now for the good news.
For one, because I grew up surrounded by the upper middle class, I am familiar to some extent of the aesthetic of that class (although it is very different from my own personal style). I don't know some of the really boujee etiquette things like the different types of forks and what not (tbh being so concerned that someone's using a salad fork to eat steak or whatever is stupid. A fork is a fork.)
Because I went to an affordable public college, I graduated debt free, which is huge. I also graduated with a very good GPA and scored fairly highly on both undergraduate and graduate school standardized exams.
I also have a few different credit cards that I use responsibly and don't spend beyond my means (for the most part). I always pay my cards off in full every month and have a FICO credit score of about 770.
I try to diversify my portfolio, and of my savings I've accumulated so far, just under 10% is in a mutual fund, about 25% is in my 401k with company match, and the rest is in a high yield traditional savings account. With every paycheck, I contribute 10% to my 401k and an additional 10-25% into my savings account (I aim for 25% since I still live at home and have fewer expenses right now, but some months it's less).
It's hard because I've tried looking online for advice as far as how to become wealthy and I feel like I'm doing everything right - I went to college, I got good grades, I save a lot, I have no debt, I don't spend beyond my means, I've even tried going above and beyond to show my dedication in my job search by cold emailing recruiters at companies I'd be interested in (especially those who were alumni of my school), writing personalized cover letters, etc. and yet here I am stuck in my barely-above-minimum-wage soul-sucking retail job with a clock ticking over my head that I don't have much time to somehow find something that provides a liveable wage / move up in class so I can move out of my parents house. In addition, I don't really have the money to immerse myself into affluent circles by joining expensive country clubs, etc. (and even if I did, I feel like I would be judged and dismissed because I'm a fat woman), so that severely limits any opportunities to network or rub shoulders with the rich.
I know this is a very long post so thank you if you made it all the way to the end. I would really appreciate any sincere advice on how to move up in socioeconomic status, find a better paying job, etc. thank you ♥️

this is my final for honors sophomore English, it's a speech I have to read infront of my class. is the last paragraph too ballsy or sound rude?
Walking into sophomore year I was expecting to breeze through it just like I did Freshman year. Obviously, that didn't happen. I went to STEM in freshman year, and it was easier than middle school. We had no expectations to have our work done on time or to do quality work. English and History classes were alternating days, but we almost never actually had English class. We did not do any assignments for that class, and this only set me up for failure. But, non the less, I tried, and I went into this year with a positive mindset. My mindset was immediately diminished when I got my grade for the Federalist Papers assignment. Take a wild guess at what I got. Then, I realized how hard I would need to work to succeed in this class. Afterall, I didn't even want to take this class to be honest. All my life, I have been a follower, and I just do what other people do to avoid any sort of conflict. So, when a then-friend told me to take Honors English 10 instead of regular, along with APUSH and doubling my math classes to do Algebra 2, I did so with no thought. Of course, I did not succeed. I have made a lot of decisions in my life based on what others tell me to do, and I don't take my own opinion into account. There was a post on Instagram that I saw one day, where the author stated that they were "a mosaic of everyone they have ever loved, even for a heartbeat. For me, I am a mosaic of everyone I have ever met I have always tried my best to please everyone without a second thought to myself. This year, while working on projects together and doing peer editing. I have gotten better at voicing my opinions and building off others. In other words, I have started to stop following others, and have started to lean on them for support instead, like we all do in our web. To stand here and say that I have mastered communicating with my peers would be a lie. I still have work to do, just like the rest of us.
Along with this, I have also learned academic skills that will help me in the future in college. I learned how to better manage my time and how to plan things out, although this still needs work.
For my Final Words, I would like to NOT-thank Mrs. Repko. You said not to be afraid to express our thoughts and opinions, or to offend you or anyone in the room, so here I go. There is a difference between purposely making class difficult and frustrating to help us bond, and making it so difficult and frustrating that we don't want to be here. Don't get me wrong, we definitely bonded from our struggles in the class, and I am so grateful for these bonds and the friends I have become close with. But, and I think I'm speaking for more than just myself here, We are so frustrated with this class that we often don't even want to go. Most of us were confused, and so frustrated about what was expected of us that we pushed off assignments as long as we could, just out of not knowing where to start. And my 8 hours straight all nighter on my literary analysis can attest to that. There is a line where creative freedom becomes too much, and eventually we are just trying to finish the work to have it done instead of showing our full potential, which we could have possibly done with more instruction and control. A lot of assignments crossed said line. The built up confusion and frustration overpowered potential learning and growth we were supposed to have done. Of course, I greatly appreciate Mrs Repko for all that she does for us, but I felt that this should be addressed
Thank you.
thank you so much for reading if you made it to the end, any and all advice to make it better is apreciated!!

hi, um so like im 13 and my parents have been divorced since i was 7. my dad wouldn’t let my mom get a job during that time so she didn’t have any money really. she has a degree but it’s practically useless. and i used to live with her in my childhood home, but when i was near 10 moved out and my dad moved in. she doesn’t live far, but you need to take the highway. none of my friends’ parents are divorced, so they don’t get when sometimes i just start crying for hours because i miss my mom. i see her on the weekends but it’s still hard. im not as close with my mom as my friends are with theirs. and i just cry whenever i think about how im going to have to go through high school without her. i’ve already gone through middle school without her, and im lucky enough to not be bullied and stuff. but i just miss her. and i always tell her im going to be rich so i can shop all i want. but i really just want to be rich so i can buy her everything she’s ever wanted because she deserves it, i want to pay for her so she doesn’t need to live paycheck to paycheck, and so she can get great christmas presents, and so she can get her favorite clothing brands, and so she can get food that fits her diet. i know it’s going to take a while, like 10 years until i can be out of college. but i just want her to get everything. my older brother is 18, and he basically told her he doesn’t want to live with her. and it broke her heart. so im going to do everything in my power to make sure she’s able to live freely and be in my life. im sure i’ve strayed really far from my main point, but whatever. and my friends just don’t get why i start to cry whenever i think about my mom not being able to be with me all the time. they are always with their mom, they always eat dinner with their families. my family never eats together ever since my parents were divorced. all im saying i guess is just does anyone else feel the same whenever they think of their mom?

Potentially going to Laurier BBA next year and want to work in the buy side of finance like for example asset management or hedge funds. Do you think Laurier BBA is a good choice to go to compared to other schools?

this is my final for honors sophomore English, it's a speech I have to read infront of my class. is the last paragraph too ballsy or sound rude?
Walking into sophomore year I was expecting to breeze through it just like I did Freshman year. Obviously, that didn't happen. I went to STEM in freshman year, and it was easier than middle school. We had no expectations to have our work done on time or to do quality work. English and History classes were alternating days, but we almost never actually had English class. We did not do any assignments for that class, and this only set me up for failure. But, non the less, I tried, and I went into this year with a positive mindset. My mindset was immediately diminished when I got my grade for the Federalist Papers assignment. Take a wild guess at what I got. Then, I realized how hard I would need to work to succeed in this class. Afterall, I didn't even want to take this class to be honest. All my life, I have been a follower, and I just do what other people do to avoid any sort of conflict. So, when a then-friend told me to take Honors English 10 instead of regular, along with APUSH and doubling my math classes to do Algebra 2, I did so with no thought. Of course, I did not succeed. I have made a lot of decisions in my life based on what others tell me to do, and I don't take my own opinion into account. There was a post on Instagram that I saw one day, where the author stated that they were "a mosaic of everyone they have ever loved, even for a heartbeat. For me, I am a mosaic of everyone I have ever met I have always tried my best to please everyone without a second thought to myself. This year, while working on projects together and doing peer editing. I have gotten better at voicing my opinions and building off others. In other words, I have started to stop following others, and have started to lean on them for support instead, like we all do in our web. To stand here and say that I have mastered communicating with my peers would be a lie. I still have work to do, just like the rest of us.
Along with this, I have also learned academic skills that will help me in the future in college. I learned how to better manage my time and how to plan things out, although this still needs work.
For my Final Words, I would like to NOT-thank Mrs. Repko. You said not to be afraid to express our thoughts and opinions, or to offend you or anyone in the room, so here I go. There is a difference between purposely making class difficult and frustrating to help us bond, and making it so difficult and frustrating that we don't want to be here. Don't get me wrong, we definitely bonded from our struggles in the class, and I am so grateful for these bonds and the friends I have become close with. But, and I think I'm speaking for more than just myself here, We are so frustrated with this class that we often don't even want to go. Most of us were confused, and so frustrated about what was expected of us that we pushed off assignments as long as we could, just out of not knowing where to start. And my 8 hours straight all nighter on my literary analysis can attest to that. There is a line where creative freedom becomes too much, and eventually we are just trying to finish the work to have it done instead of showing our full potential, which we could have possibly done with more instruction and control. A lot of assignments crossed said line. The built up confusion and frustration overpowered potential learning and growth we were supposed to have done. Of course, I greatly appreciate Mrs Repko for all that she does for us, but I felt that this should be addressed
Thank you.
thank you so much for reading if you made it to the end, any and all advice is apreciated!!

In a flash of inspiration I suggested a small AU idea on discord... And people encouraged me to cook and cook hard. So I did and here's the result. I will likely have this as a 'backburner' fic to Broken Birds, writing one when I have no energy for other, so this will be lower in priority, but I hope it's enjoyable for you anyway.
Thanks to SpacePaladin15 for great universe, characters and letting fanfiction flow, as well as JulianSkies for inspiring the name of the fic and several other discord members (you KNOW who you are) for encouraging my horribleness. Without further ado... Let's open the doors of this AU.
CW: Arxur Dietary Habits, Child Suffering, Dismemberment
Memory Transcription Subject: Stynek, Venlil Cattle
Date [standardized human time]: July 12, 2136
Fur surrounding my eyes hurt from layers upon layers of dried tears. I’ve cried so much over past months, with nobody to tell me it’s going to be okay. I missed mommy. I missed my teacher. I missed my friends. I was surrounded by strangers, some of different species, but mostly venlil. None of them cared when I cried. Most cried by themselves, and to themselves instead. Nobody wanted to really talk to me, except this one other venlil child I met. I don’t even remember the name he told me. But he did know something. That me and him wouldn’t be eaten for a while because we’re too young. Unless someone important wanted to eat us. That’s why adults are bitter at the children. We weren’t in the ‘breeding pen’, whatever that meant, but in the food pen. And until I was old enough to be ‘sufficiently edible’, I’d stay here. Adults knew that. They knew that when arxur came around and chose meals out of the crowd, they’d ignore the scrawny child, so they were bitter at my luck.
I wanted to cry again, but at this point, no tears were coming out. I wished I could talk to the boy, but we got separated when they moved me and a bunch of adults onto the ship. I overheard some adults mumbling about us being rations. That made me cry more when I realized what it meant. Did it mean I was lied to? That I really was old enough to be eaten after all? I regretted wanting to grow up sooner. I was always upset when mom told me I couldn’t do something. I had to listen both because she was my mom and because she was our Governor. Now I missed hearing her voice, even if it was just telling me that I must go to bed on time and stop snacking too much before second meal.
It’s been days since I was brought to the ship. Unlike the pens I’ve been in before, this one was slowly emptying. Before, new people always were thrown in to replace ones taken to be eaten. Every day a few people would be grabbed by the arxur and dragged out. Some screaming and pleading for mercy. Those just get ignored, as everyone, myself included, huddles together in far corner. Others would accept their fate and let themselves be taken. Those are even sadder. More people start crying after seeing someone who looks dead even while still breathing taken to be finished off.
I rubbed my temple where there was still a small wound. Every cattle taken to this ship had their implants removed. I couldn’t understand anything non-venlil were saying. Or arxur for that matter. Not that much was being said...
Suddenly every head was up and all ears were flicking. I slightly turned my head to see towards the entrance. An arxur, standing in doorway, slowly scanning the crowd with predatory glint. My sense of time was barely intact, but schedule was rigid, it was too early for feeding time today. So why are they here and why are they selecting a prey already?
Suddenly I realized that it was looking directly at me, its binocular gaze locking onto my eye. I couldn’t help my reaction, yelping and flinching away, trying to scuttle towards the corner. But it seems the arxur made its choice. As it stepped and started walking towards me, the crowd parted. It was almost like that experiment with anti-magnets my teacher showed once in class, except I was the one repelling everyone around me. I tried reaching out and crawling towards them, but they just furthered the distance. Nobody was willing to contest arxur’s chosen meal.
“Please... I don’t want to...”, I cried, but it fell on deaf ears. Then I felt it. A scaly hand of a monster wrapped around my ankle. I tried thrashing, but before I could, I was lifted upside down, hitting my head on cold hard floor in process. Ow... It hurt. My vision blurred, from both the hit dizzying me and the tears that were now filling my eyes. I was being taken out... To be devoured by predators... Daddy... Mommy... “Mommy... Mommy!”
I didn’t hear anything but my own cries and clacks of arxur claws against metal floor as I was taken out of the pen. Outside of pen always seemed like nicer place to be. It was better lit and cleaner from what little I could glimpse whenever door opened. Now I’d give anything just to go back to the dirty pen, huddled together with people who don’t care about me... I didn’t want to die! I wanted to go home! To my mom and dad... Why... Wasn’t I too young? Why did that boy lie to me?! I hated him!
I couldn’t even tell where I was being taken. I knew nothing about layout of the ship. It was cleaner, it was brighter. But also there were more arxur than singular one that kept coming into the pen to take people. Being carried upside down by the leg hurt and made it disorienting but even with that I couldn’t miss how every time I entered an arxur’s field of vision, their head sharply turning to stare directly at me right until we turned another corner. I realized that I was crying out loud by now, but of course predators knew no emotion, they ignored my anguish.
Then finally, it seems, we reached a destination. I was brought to a room with a big table. Table? It was ridiculous to think predators even use tables... But there were three sitting at it. One was an arxur, particularly large and imposing. But two others were... creatures I’ve never seen before. One glimpse was enough to tell me they were predators. And they were covered in clothing, more than I’ve seen anyone ever wear. Worst thing is though, they were clearly talking to the big arxur, with external translator on the table constantly translating arxur’s hisses into the other predator’s growling noises.
This is it. Arxur found another sapient predator. The worst monsters in the galaxy now found allies. Least I could comfort myself with was that mommy would be safe... But now I felt like it’s not just me that’s about to end, but whole universe.
The arxur that was carrying me smacked me down onto the table, a fair distance away from others. I kept crying and sobbing. I think some pleads for help and for my mom came out, but I couldn’t even make out my own words. I was so scared. I was ready for fangs to pierce into my neck. And yet I wasn’t, I wasn’t ready, please, anything by that. Both the big arxur and the new predators were staring me down in hunger as I felt the worst pain of my life. My leg, held firmly to the table, burned in agony... and then pain was all I knew there. I couldn’t feel anything below my knee other than pain. Pain... Pain! I cried out at the top of my lungs, but pain wasn’t getting better. My cry did not stop until my throat burnt, but that pain was like an itch compared to what my leg felt like.
With sight blurred, I saw it. The arxur that held me down dropped my own ankle down near the big one that seemed to be in charge, staining table with orange blood. Big arxur tore a chunk off, extending it towards other predators, but they seemed to just talk. Then big arxur stopped for a few moments, tossed the chunk into its horrid mouth, and motioned to one still holding me down.
Then, for a second time in last few minutes I experienced the most agonizing pain in my life, surpassing even the pain before at least tenfold. It burned! It hurt! My throat, already sore and barely able to make sounds got revived for just long enough to let out another cry before giving out again. I wanted to pass out as I was butchered alive, but it was just so painful that I couldn’t... I was forced to be aware of how the rest of the leg, from knee to hip, was brought towards the mystery predators, sliced in half and then... That explained why it hurt so much more. Why it still hurts even more. The blade that second chop was done with was red hot, and now used to burn away at the chunks presented to the predators. They recoiled from heat, as pieces of me were presented, but after a few moments of consideration, reached out and tore a few small pieces of orange legs off my dismembered calf, starting to chew. The one with long fur on their head, seemed to almost choke on the heat, while the one with dark coloration just stared at me intently, making eye contact that I could perceive even through pain and tears directly with me, hungrily chewing, no doubt wanting more than scrap it was given...
I couldn’t watch anymore I closed my eyes, beginning to whine and sniffle. I tried calling out for mom, but my mouth was suddenly clamped shut with a band, so I couldn’t even make any more noises. Pain made it hard to move at all, and with my leg chop being replaced with a burn, I wasn’t bleeding... so I couldn’t even get the release of death. Worse yet, predators were far from eager to finish me off. I was always told their bloodthirst was the only thing that defined them, but they just left me to suffer on the table as they kept talking in their horrible noises. Their sadism was much stronger than bloodlust, that’s the only explanation...
As I lay there, I eventually let my eyelids slide open. The new predators and arxur were engaged in some conversation, piece of leg in front of arxur in charge gone completely, and pieces in front of mystery predators visibly smaller. Arxur regularly typed some things, demonstrating some things on the screen. A bunch of warrior arxur banded together, a big star chart divided in weird ways, some weird colorless picture of countless dead prey animals, unfamiliar and likely non-sapient... And then a video. A venlil exterminator, fighting off a group of arxur. She managed to get two monsters burnt before getting overwhelmed, their mask torn off before their head is bitten off by one of the greys. The moment it happens, new predators both turn their eyes towards me instantly, opened wide with hunger. I flinched away again, tears managing to flow again. The arxur were horrible... They were about to sic those new predators on Venlil Prime, I knew it in my heart. They gave them taste of our flesh, and showed them how we might be dangerous... despite the fact that we were weakest and helpless. The new predators will make us into their cattle with ease and be empowered, before proceeding to move onto the rest of Federation...
There was movement. The predators and big arxur all stood up, then locked their hands in some contest of strength momentarily. The predator with long head fur pointed towards me, and then they all stared at me for a moment. Then the conversation moved on. The arxur holding me down grabbed me again, by my remaining leg and carried me off. I felt some blood drip down my fur with me being turned like that...
There was more walking, but it was even harder to pay attention in the haze that was covering my mind. I understood what the people that were taken without struggle felt now. I didn’t want to fight anymore. I just wanted it to be over... It hurts... It hurts so much...
I felt my arms moved, hands tied behind my back, and then I was handed over to the dark-colored mystery predator. It wasn’t as large as an arxur, but it could still lift me with ease, tossing me over the shoulder like I’m a sack of ipsom flour. A momentary look around showed that I was inside a smaller shuttle now, built very different from what the insides of larger ship was. I was... being taken elsewhere again. Why...?
Some more talking in the scary predator languages, and the door separating mystery predators and the arxur closed. Once that happened, there was instant rush. I found myself tossed into some white and cold room, still bound. I could hear the predators argue, that much loud yelling at one another could only be an argument. I felt the hum of ship starting up and vibration of launch. Then after a bit, I saw the long furred predator rush past me and towards something in the back of room, at which points it made noises so horrid, that I found myself crying again. I don’t know what it was doing back there, and I didn’t want to know. The dark colored one just kept looking over the burnt stump where my leg once was. And all throughout they kept growling and shouting at one another... I was going to be torn in half between the two, wasn’t I?
Instead I felt the binds on my arms and around my face cut. First thing, I opened my mouth and took a deep breath... Only to choke on air, as it was even cooler than I expected... White room, cool air, hungry predators looking over my bloodied bits and making horrid noises... I was about to be refrigerated to be kept for future. I was rations that arxur graciously gifted to these monsters. Why...? Why me?!
I tried crying, but my throat refused to make noise after earlier screaming tore it apart. Only low coughs escaped as tears completely filled my vision. There was more. More pain, a burst of it where my leg was supposed to be, then a small prick at my other leg... More memories, of my happy family and friends at school, replaced with grimy cattle pens and constant fear... More regrets at things I wanted to do and try, but never got to... But none of it mattered. I was already dead. Even if I was still breathing and moving, I was dead the moment a grey grabbed me and dragged me onto that cursed cattle ship of theirs... It just took me until now to truly comprehend it.
The last thing I thought of as pain dulled out, finally giving way to bliss of unconsciousness, was my mom’s soft wool and warm embrace, and how I never got to feel it properly for last time before dying... Mommy... I’m sorry...

Hey! My name is Ridwan Siddique, I'm the second speaker for Norman North SG. I'm looking for a couple teams to coach for NSDA Nats and over the summer, as well as possibly into the next season.
I've gotten 10 bids and qualified to NSDA 3x, qualifying to TOC twice (the first team from Oklahoma to qualify to TOC in PF). I've placed: 11th at NSDA Nats Quartered at Longhorn, Sunvite, TOC Digital 1 Octofinaled at Grapevine and Princeton Doubles at Stanford, Mid America, Yale, and UK
I've coached a good bit throughout my career, from middle school novices to international debaters to more experienced ones on the circuit.
My aim is to work with you so y'all can get better. I have experience in all aspects of debate (lay and tech, prog and trad, casewriting and rebuttals, etc etc), I want to come together with you to figure out what to work on. I come from a smaller program, so I value accessibility and tailored learning above all else, it means a lot to me personally. Also, just a side note, if your program is struggling to get off the ground I also want to help out if I can, so don't feel scared to message me.
Rates are very negotiable, please feel free PM me for more details about anything. I look forward to meeting y'all!

Hi me and my partner will be travelling to Rhodes in the middle of July for the first time.
We are considering staying in either Rhodes town itself or Faliraki. I was wondering if anyone could recommend which of the two places you preferred or what are the comparisons and contrasts between the two.
Also are the bus services there easy to navigate as we are planning on doing a day trip down to Lindos also.
Any bit of feedback would be appreciated thank you 🙏.

Been shopping around and was recommended ACI by a few truck drivers, but their price (4,700 for 160hours) seems a bit steeped compared to other schools I've checked. What other schools you guys recommend?

I... dont really know where to begin, so I'll start with background. I've had flings in the past, but my first long time relationship. We live in california
Tldr: I recieved a phone call after having just seen her the previous day asking to talk, essentially during this reasons boiled down to
"Everything, the long distance, and (i, 29m) dont have initiative" "(i've, 29m) been talking about becoming an electrician, but havent done anything about it"
Back story.
I (29m) have supported my partner (29f) in their passion for Renaissance Faire for the entire time we had been together. She treats this as her livlihood. Has been clear about this, but I had no qualms. Her income is padded from her father at 1000$ a month, a vestige of an agreement to earn a degree (which she still has not, and has not been in school since before we were together)
I have voiced wishing to become an electrician, i love working with my hands, and circuitry is enthralling. I have known people in the field, who have helped me get interviews and attempt entry level positions but each time have been told, the slot was filled before onboarding trully happened for me. Student loans kinda terrify me cause of debt, the trade schools i've found in cali be expensive. Most of my savings before hand went to assisting my grandma with issues that were taken care of.
We both talked about how neither of us was fully in the career we wanted, and how we wanted to see the other grow into it.
When we got together, @24 years old, i was an assistant manager in a deli, after multiple instances of being passed for applied promotions and training those who recieved those promotions.... I had enough.
I got a job at a Hyatt Hotels, becoming a front end (lobby) manager. Hyatt at the time had excellent student programs and loan rates, which fizzled when the location franchised, and we lost a majority of benefits. Found a new job
I've been at a shipping company that works out of a single location for a tech company, Juniper networks. Have DOT driving certs, and multiple forklift certs. Mon-fri 9-5, making good money (close to 30/hr) feel ALOT more comfortable with loans now. Have time for things. The last barely two years, my annual was literally a week ago.
The ONLY reason i havent begun said process of loans is the amount i have been trying to support her in her passion and stay connected. But even with that I was beginning to figure out times for school.
She had begun with 1 faire, then two, then some smaller ones. Trying out different Faires at different times. Just this year attempting all of them.
She has progressively added more and more faires, to the point where she we will not be at home .... 9 months? Of this year. 3 months roughly each faire, back to back at times. One faire is out of state, all the rest are driveable easy.
I say roughly as all the faires dates are up for debate, between the build, run, and teardown, there is variance of up to several weeks. Making planning outside of Faire difficult. I find out these dates through her, but with very little time in between to plan anything
I visit during the close faires, Casa de fruta Northern Ren faire, every weekend. During the farther Faires, like LA southern faire, every other weekend. Of my own volition and wish to see her.
Long distance it may be, but the longest actual time we've been apart for these is only a couple weeks at a time. Literally 2.
I text and call, not quite everyday, but no longer than a few (3ish), most of the time with no response. Again no qualms, just different things happening at different times, blind love yaknow?
I purchased essentially her entire camp, carport, cots, portable matress (trifold queen), tents, tables, stove, etc.
I drove her throughout our relationship, not just to and from Faire, literally everything. She has refused to get a drivers license out of fear. I have mobilized her supplies and camp.
We talked frequently, enjoyed shows, board games, we started heading to amusement parks, (she loves rollercoasters), we would go dancing while she was home, build lego display sets, like i could keep on going.
The last couple times shes come home from Faire, things have felt off. Like i have to reconnect with her at home. When i visit has seemed like either shes masking for me, or at faire.
She started getting too tired to do anything in between the Faires, and would refuse my assistance to get ready. Which was basically laundry and maintenance for camp things.
Sometimes these last couple months i would respond with the energy i recieved. Im human. I dont really know what else to say for that. We would talk about it Then things would go back to how they were.... for a time
Ill admit i have resting grumpy face, and on occaision am grumpy. But I never took it out on her. We had arguments, but never anything that lasted or made us truly angry. Sometimes i would say i need some alone time, just to cool off. But that never lasted for more than an hour or two.
When we began dating, she asked me bring my tone down a bit. Kinda made me realize unintended inflections.
Again these last couple months, she hasnt been rude, nor abusive... just sharp... to the point i feel like i have to apologize for ideas or actions. I brought this up, and things got better.... for a bit
I have dropped the ball on occaision with cleaning around the house, and she brought it up when they happened, but it honestly went both ways.
She ruled over laundry, i ruled over dishes, we'd help each other wipe down surfaces and vacuum. We have cats, and took turns cleaning litter.
We'd helped each other cook, but unless I laid very clear intentions i wanted to cook for her, she'd take over. She preferred cooking, saying "ocd"
Her love languages is much more touch oriented than mime are.
I have never claimed to be fast at anything. In fact literally have compared myself to the Tortoise, from tortoise and the hare. And feel very judged on it all of a sudden.
Looking back... maybe I could have initiated more... but as i began to do so more and more this last year together, i was met with more and more, "tired" or "faire".
I just... feel like a wrung out rag..... and ... i dont know... Used?
She mentioned it not being fair to either of us... just making me wonder if this might actually be better off...
Doesnt feel like it now.