grabe yung final interview ko like panel interview sya with HR, AM, Manager and SM. gusto kong lamunin then inisip ko na lang take it or leave it. Okay naman yung usapan namin. Wala naman akong naiwan na hindi sagutan sakanila. Then sabi ni HR mag wait daw ako after a week sa result. Grabe mag 2 weeks na wala pa rin result. So nag decide ako na mag msg sa HR. for follow up regarding sa application ko. GRABE DI NAG RESPONSE HALOS MAMATAY AKO SA INTERVIEW NILA

Hi AskHR!
I'm currently looking for new employment and have been for a few months. Last Friday, I had the best interview I've had the entire time - I'm an excellent fit, we got along to the point that the conversation became almost casual and a few laughs were shared, and the job is exactly what I'm looking for.
However, toward the end of the interview, I was asked about my salary expectations. The number I stated is the same I've been giving without issue (often with next-step interviews), but this company is smaller and I could immediately feel the hesitation coming from the HR Manager. The last few minutes of the interview after that went fine but I definitely feel like I "killed the vibe."
After some additional research, I want this job even more. It's basically my dream job and I'm very eager to leave my current company.
How do I fix this?? I plan to send a follow-up email thanking them for the interview as I usually do for opportunities I really like. Is there something I can add to that email to make it clear that I am willing to negotiate and regret the figure I stated? How do I even start to say that in a professional way? Should I just hold my tongue and hope I get an offer for the stated amount?
If you were this HR manager, what would you advise me to do?
Thank you!

Ok I am officially graduating in a week and I thought it would be interesting to talk about my experience at Pace. My situation is a bit unique though as my underclassmen years (Freshman/Sophomore) were primarily remote because of COVID. As result I do feel I missed out on stuff, but I think I made up for it in the years following.
I am a film major with a digital media minor. I found the film major was extremely quick, but I could not afford most of the production classes (16mm, intro to film making, ect) so that locked me off a lot of the more advanced classes. That being said, I loved Editing I & II and even TA’d for Editing I for most of my time. I was not a member of any clubs because of COVID (didn’t feel like getting on zoom calls) but pace has a great club scene!! Ok on to my take aways

• Pace is just as good as the effort you put into it. Get involved on campus, it’s super easy. Join clubs, the newspaper, the radio show, student galleries, or even see what your professors are working on. Every semester research grants are offered to anyone! Like I said I TA’d and did work on the film festival. I had a lot of fun and it was rewarding! So many people I see just kinda go to class and thats it. That won’t get you an internship and that won’t get you a job.
  
• If you can stick through the beginng of your core requirements, you can literally do whatever you want. I know taking english is annoying. I know the coding class is annoying. But after that? There is like barely any limits. I took a sports class, criminology, anthropology, TV data class…it’s literally whatever you want.
  
• USE THE CAREER CENTER. specifically, USE SAL!!! The career center actually does care about you, they will make your cover letter and your resume. It’s important to have one which gives you access to the most important thing ever: HANDSHAKE. I got two internships and I’m interviewing for a startup that I found on there.
  
• form positive relationships with your professors. Don’t skip class, do the homework, and participate in class. Often when you do this they’re more lenient with you, will round your final grade, and can offer letters of recommendation or anything else.
  
• you need a job if you’re going to live in the NYC campus…unless you’re just rich. I find that the workload at pace makes this manageable. I worked at a retail store in WTC, got me through the semesters fine.
  
• honestly? The food isn’t bad. Not great!! But not bad. Its what it says on the tin, don’t expect anything fancy.
  
• the gym is gross. Sorry
  

Genuinely i had a fantastic time at Pace and don’t regret my decision.

I was interviewing for a job over a zoom call and was given a very simple question. I knew exactly how to solve it but in the beginning I made a really simple mistake which led me down the wrong path in implementation. Then it really got into my head and instead of actually solving the problem I started thinking about the mistake and how the interviewer now thinks that I'm an idiot. Then it led to me making even more mistakes and I started panicking, I was just typing random answers because all I could think of were my mistakes and the interviewer. I became very sensitized to his facial expressions and interpreted the lack of a smile as his deep disapproval of me. Then I started hyper ventilating, my heart started racing, my ears were ringing, my face got really hot and my vision got dimmer and blurry. I told the interviewer that I needed to end the interview because I had a stomachache, I was embarrassed of telling him the truth. He told me to email the team so we can reschedule the interview. I was so fucking afraid emailing them but I gathered my strength and did email them... and they ghosted me XD I even sent two follow ups afterwards but they seem have made up their minds about me.
It's been over a month since this happened and it pains me so much just remembering the event but I feel the need to vent here. Why can't I just be normal? Why does my brain ring the alarm bells after the slightest most simple and harmless inconvenience?

So I am in the interview stages at a company I'm really excited to work for and I have been having issues with the scheduling software they use to invite candidates to set up a time/date.
I made the hiring manager aware of this for my first round and they were able to manually put me in and send me the meeting invite however we're at the third round now and they sent me an interview invite last Thursday and I told them again the same day that the portal wont let me go through with confirming the date/time I selected (or any day/time they have available). After following up with providing them the time and day I am interested in scheduling for, they told me they are in contact with their IT department to figure out the issue (this was on Friday of last week). And now today is Monday and I followed up again and they said the same thing, except they also stated they can't confirm the schedule date/time I requested for (it was on the calendar from the link they sent and it still shows as available too) to see if they could at least manually send me an invite link/schedule me.
The interview is for this week and I wanted to have something concrete on my calendar for it so I don't spend time practicing for nothing, but now I'm nervous I'm making a bad impression and will get rejected right after since this has been more complicated than need be. I've been extremely polite and understanding but I can see how the constant back-and-forth emails and candidate follow ups can be nerve-racking.

So this firm has been reaching out to me for months! I specialize in a certain medical sector and it’s a hot commodity apparently?
Did their test, passed it. Met with their tax managing partner, didn’t feel all warm and fuzzy after but I have the skills. They use Drake which is the Youngstown, OH of tax software (no offense, it doesn’t the job well for most returns).
I’ve not interviewed in years! I followed up with an email as this is a remote position and asked questions. No response.
I’ve spoken with this CEO and just kinda feel bummed. I also don’t think my personality and pretty strict tax attitude match up. (I do shit like lease value inclusion, imputed interest on shareholder loans, and other shit like that).
Maybe I’m upset I might have lost? Not sure what to think.
Thoughts?

https://planckstorytime.wordpress.com/ Hello! This is an essay analyzing the themes of FF7 Rebirth through a psychoanalytic lens, while also critiquing the execution of the game's writing. Moreover, it's a personal reflection on my journey with the game, and the complicated feelings that got tangled up with that. Please give it a read if you have the chance.
Previous articles: FF7: Reflections of a Traumatized Generation (2020)
I Need to Talk about Final Fantasy VII Remake or My Head Will Explode (2021)
Excerpt: “A confluence of worlds… and emotions. Loss, chief among them. It engulfs fleeting moments of joy, transforming them into rage, sadness, hatred.”
– Sephiroth, Final Fantasy VII Rebirth (2024), speaking to me, specifically
*The following contains spoilers*
I. Memoirs of a Neurotic Fan
Hoo boy.
It’s been a long four years since Final Fantasy VII Remake (2020) released, and I don’t think I have ever before devoted so much emotional energy to deciphering how I truly feel about a piece of media. Initially, I enjoyed my return to a reimagined world of lovable characters, but unfavorable writing choices and a mind-boggling finale left me feeling torn. Despite striving to maintain an optimistic outlook at the end of my previous essay, my perspective on the game only darkened as the years wore on. Developer interviews constantly oscillated back and forth as to whether they would remain faithful to the original FF7 (1997), or, as the ending of Remake indicated, strike out on a brand new “unknown journey.” That’s not to mention the downright radioactive discourse among fans, combined with the litany of harassing messages I received for the most tepid criticisms.
Eventually, I grew to despise Remake. The positive emotions and ecstatic love I had for parts of the game sunk beneath my waves of ire toward its creative divergences – as well as what they represented to me. And I fed that hate. I hated its ponderous navel-gazing about the nature of adaptations. I hated its self-congratulatory insinuation that asinine story decisions like the “Baby’s-First-Metacommentary” Whispers and the resurrection of multiple deceased characters somehow constituted “bold” storytelling. I hated the uncritical portion of certain audiences that fell for this illusion of transgressive storytelling, all the while embracing a game that went out of its way to barrage the player with fanservice and puerile pandering. I hated the frequent argumentation that “it’s not a remake, it’s a sequel” was somehow seen as a mitigating factor, when it actually further aggravated my problems with it. I hated Remake’s emphasis on novelty, its subversion without meaning, its arrogant alienation of new audiences that wanted to experience a classic story, and its implicitly cynical view on thousands of years of storytelling tradition for the sake of “surprise.” To quote director Naoki Hamaguchi:
“When you try to remake a game and make it an entertaining game, having the exact storyline as the original would lack the excitement and surprise. I was looking for an essence to add to the story, and Zack was chosen to be this essence because in the original, there wasn’t much story about Zack, but in Crisis Core, he had a huge character development.”
But that lonely ember of hope persisted; after all, I had loved Remake at one point. I hated that stubborn attachment most of all. By the time Rebirth was fully unveiled, I wanted only one thing from it: to repulse me to my core, to be something so egregiously offensive to my sensibilities that I could never associate the project with anything positive again. “Perhaps if things get stupid enough,” I thought, “others will also see the emperor’s nakedness.” Pain and despair morphed into objects of desire for me. They were my keys to escaping these contradictory feelings of love and hate.
As you can see, I am quite well-adjusted and able to engage with art in a healthy way.
Continue Reading

So after 3 rounds of interview, initial recruiter, CV, technical round, which finished last Tuesday. Recruiter gets back to me next day saying "Great news, you are through to final stage which will just be an informal talk with our hiring manager so don't worry, What are your availabilities next week?"
I send him my availabilities, which he then proceeds to ghost me for the entire week - I follow up on Friday asking him what are times as I am still working and need to coordinate leaves based on interview. He finally gets back this morning asking me if I am available, ghosts me for the entire day until 5pm and calls me saying, 'Congrats on passing the behaviour and technical interview stages, they were really pleased with you unfortunately upon reviewing your CV your experience is primarily in GCP and not AWS, which is what major of our clients use, so we don't really have a project that we can immediately deploy you on and as a result the hiring manager has decided to put your application on "hold".'
I am literally at my peril, i've been applying to jobs frantically for the past 3 months, with only one interview I think I didn't do so well(I am senior with over 6yrs of experience in big tech), out of the 5 companies that reached out to me with like multiple stages. This is the second company where I have passed the interviews to the final round, the last company literally said that I was the best candidate however their requirements changed so they are not hiring anyone for this role anymore and took the job off the market-after dragging me through 3 rounds and a technical test. Bear in mind these are fortune 500 companies, and I won't disclose any names, with the particular company that this post is about is one of the big 3 tech consulting firms.

https://planckstorytime.wordpress.com/ Hello! This is an essay analyzing the themes of FF7 Rebirth through a psychoanalytic lens, while also critiquing the execution of the game's writing. Moreover, it's a personal reflection on my journey with the game, and the complicated feelings that got tangled up with that. Please give it a read if you have the chance.
Previous articles: FF7: Reflections of a Traumatized Generation (2020)
I Need to Talk about Final Fantasy VII Remake or My Head Will Explode (2021)
Excerpt: “A confluence of worlds… and emotions. Loss, chief among them. It engulfs fleeting moments of joy, transforming them into rage, sadness, hatred.”
– Sephiroth, Final Fantasy VII Rebirth (2024), speaking to me, specifically
*The following contains spoilers*
I. Memoirs of a Neurotic Fan
Hoo boy.
It’s been a long four years since Final Fantasy VII Remake (2020) released, and I don’t think I have ever before devoted so much emotional energy to deciphering how I truly feel about a piece of media. Initially, I enjoyed my return to a reimagined world of lovable characters, but unfavorable writing choices and a mind-boggling finale left me feeling torn. Despite striving to maintain an optimistic outlook at the end of my previous essay, my perspective on the game only darkened as the years wore on. Developer interviews constantly oscillated back and forth as to whether they would remain faithful to the original FF7 (1997), or, as the ending of Remake indicated, strike out on a brand new “unknown journey.” That’s not to mention the downright radioactive discourse among fans, combined with the litany of harassing messages I received for the most tepid criticisms.
Eventually, I grew to despise Remake. The positive emotions and ecstatic love I had for parts of the game sunk beneath my waves of ire toward its creative divergences – as well as what they represented to me. And I fed that hate. I hated its ponderous navel-gazing about the nature of adaptations. I hated its self-congratulatory insinuation that asinine story decisions like the “Baby’s-First-Metacommentary” Whispers and the resurrection of multiple deceased characters somehow constituted “bold” storytelling. I hated the uncritical portion of certain audiences that fell for this illusion of transgressive storytelling, all the while embracing a game that went out of its way to barrage the player with fanservice and puerile pandering. I hated the frequent argumentation that “it’s not a remake, it’s a sequel” was somehow seen as a mitigating factor, when it actually further aggravated my problems with it. I hated Remake’s emphasis on novelty, its subversion without meaning, its arrogant alienation of new audiences that wanted to experience a classic story, and its implicitly cynical view on thousands of years of storytelling tradition for the sake of “surprise.” To quote director Naoki Hamaguchi:
“When you try to remake a game and make it an entertaining game, having the exact storyline as the original would lack the excitement and surprise. I was looking for an essence to add to the story, and Zack was chosen to be this essence because in the original, there wasn’t much story about Zack, but in Crisis Core, he had a huge character development.”
But that lonely ember of hope persisted; after all, I had loved Remake at one point. I hated that stubborn attachment most of all. By the time Rebirth was fully unveiled, I wanted only one thing from it: to repulse me to my core, to be something so egregiously offensive to my sensibilities that I could never associate the project with anything positive again. “Perhaps if things get stupid enough,” I thought, “others will also see the emperor’s nakedness.” Pain and despair morphed into objects of desire for me. They were my keys to escaping these contradictory feelings of love and hate.
As you can see, I am quite well-adjusted and able to engage with art in a healthy way.
Continue Reading

https://planckstorytime.wordpress.com/ Hello! This is an essay analyzing the themes of FF7 Rebirth through a psychoanalytic lens, while also critiquing the execution of the game's writing. Moreover, it's a personal reflection on my journey with the game, and the complicated feelings that got tangled up with that. Please give it a read if you have the chance.
Previous articles: FF7: Reflections of a Traumatized Generation (2020)
I Need to Talk about Final Fantasy VII Remake or My Head Will Explode (2021)
Excerpt: “A confluence of worlds… and emotions. Loss, chief among them. It engulfs fleeting moments of joy, transforming them into rage, sadness, hatred.”
– Sephiroth, Final Fantasy VII Rebirth (2024), speaking to me, specifically
*The following contains spoilers*
I. Memoirs of a Neurotic Fan
Hoo boy.
It’s been a long four years since Final Fantasy VII Remake (2020) released, and I don’t think I have ever before devoted so much emotional energy to deciphering how I truly feel about a piece of media. Initially, I enjoyed my return to a reimagined world of lovable characters, but unfavorable writing choices and a mind-boggling finale left me feeling torn. Despite striving to maintain an optimistic outlook at the end of my previous essay, my perspective on the game only darkened as the years wore on. Developer interviews constantly oscillated back and forth as to whether they would remain faithful to the original FF7 (1997), or, as the ending of Remake indicated, strike out on a brand new “unknown journey.” That’s not to mention the downright radioactive discourse among fans, combined with the litany of harassing messages I received for the most tepid criticisms.
Eventually, I grew to despise Remake. The positive emotions and ecstatic love I had for parts of the game sunk beneath my waves of ire toward its creative divergences – as well as what they represented to me. And I fed that hate. I hated its ponderous navel-gazing about the nature of adaptations. I hated its self-congratulatory insinuation that asinine story decisions like the “Baby’s-First-Metacommentary” Whispers and the resurrection of multiple deceased characters somehow constituted “bold” storytelling. I hated the uncritical portion of certain audiences that fell for this illusion of transgressive storytelling, all the while embracing a game that went out of its way to barrage the player with fanservice and puerile pandering. I hated the frequent argumentation that “it’s not a remake, it’s a sequel” was somehow seen as a mitigating factor, when it actually further aggravated my problems with it. I hated Remake’s emphasis on novelty, its subversion without meaning, its arrogant alienation of new audiences that wanted to experience a classic story, and its implicitly cynical view on thousands of years of storytelling tradition for the sake of “surprise.” To quote director Naoki Hamaguchi:
“When you try to remake a game and make it an entertaining game, having the exact storyline as the original would lack the excitement and surprise. I was looking for an essence to add to the story, and Zack was chosen to be this essence because in the original, there wasn’t much story about Zack, but in Crisis Core, he had a huge character development.”
But that lonely ember of hope persisted; after all, I had loved Remake at one point. I hated that stubborn attachment most of all. By the time Rebirth was fully unveiled, I wanted only one thing from it: to repulse me to my core, to be something so egregiously offensive to my sensibilities that I could never associate the project with anything positive again. “Perhaps if things get stupid enough,” I thought, “others will also see the emperor’s nakedness.” Pain and despair morphed into objects of desire for me. They were my keys to escaping these contradictory feelings of love and hate.
As you can see, I am quite well-adjusted and able to engage with art in a healthy way.
Continue Reading

Happy Tuesday, Barkada --

The PSE gained 92 points to 6604 ▲1.4%

Shout-out to Atot for saving the Inside the Boardroom special [MB link] for their "lunch read" (at least it's not a porcelain chair?), to Trina Cerdenia for retweeting the ITB episode with highlights, to Tenkan Sen for noting the bloodbath that has been the recent (and even not-so-recent) IPO market, to Just'n for recognizing that in most cases a secondary IPO is for exit liquidity, to Enrico P. Villanueva for mentioning the ITB article as a jumping-off point for further research and analysis, to Jonathan Burac for providing interesting background on auditors and former-auditors as Independent Directors, to kalel.RON for having their mind blown by my reveal that I'm not Matteo Guidicelli (deep cut for the OGs), to Tirador for the straight-forward review ("pangit an ipo yan"), and to arkitrader for the Monday vibes GIF.
Thanks also to the many readers who wrote in privately with praise, follow-up questions, and comments about yesterday's Inside the Boardroom special episode with OceanaGold PH's President, Joan Adaci-Cattiling. I won't list your names because you didn't choose to make your comments public, but I appreciate all of the notes that I've received and it's encouraging to see the interesting in the ITB series. Thank you!
Just for background, the Inside the Boardroom series takes a lot of extra work to organize, conduct the interview, and write the content for each episode. MB does not receive anything in return for an Inside the Boardroom interview; I only ask for direct access to the c-suite executive and the understanding that all questions that I ask will be direct (not trying to avoid unfavorable parts), to-the-point (not flowery), and without honorifics or deference (no titles or fawning).
I have a great amount of respect for companies and executives that agree to those terms, as there are many companies here that would never in a million years allow their executives to speak publicly, let alone on topics that are not 100% positive and dripping with marketing talking points.
OK, enough of that, let's get to the new stuff!

▌In today's MB:

• COMING UP: This week
  • PH: OGP 1st week
  • PH: BSP rate decision
  • PH: UBP SRO start
  • INT'L: US April inflation
• OceanaGold falls 6% in 1st day of trading
• CREIT, MREIT, and FILRT declare Q1 divs
• FMETF halted due to broken price tracker

▌Daily meme Subscribe (it's free) Today's email

▌Main stories covered:

• [COMING_UP] The week ahead... PH: While we had the OceanaGold PH [OGP 12.50 ▼6.2%; 100% avgVol] IPO yesterday, the biggest waves will be made on Thursday when the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas (BSP) meets to evaluate our interest rate situation. The Union Bank [UBP 34.60 ▼6.0%; 83% avgVol] stock rights offer period will also start on Thursday. International: The only datapoint that I’m following for this week is the US April inflation report, which we should get early Thursday morning.
  
  • MB: The inflation metagame is where my mind’s at these days, and that’s all about inflation expectations. Not so much where inflation “is”, but where people (and companies) think inflation “will be” in the future. Inflation expectations matter because they can cause dramatic changes. For individuals, expectations of higher inflation can lead to changes in purchasing behavior and higher wage demands. For corporations, expectations of higher inflation can cause companies to increase their prices. I think you can see why the US Federal Reserve and the BSP are most afraid of these expectations; they’re something of a self-fulfilling prophecy. There should be a lot of analysis to consume on this point after the US CPI report is out on Thursday morning.
• [UPDATE] OceanaGold falls 6% in first day of trading... OceanaGold PH [OGP 12.50 ▼6.2%; 100% avgVol] [link] dropped a little over 6% in its first day of trading, falling ₱0.82 from its ₱13.33/share IPO price to close at ₱12.50/share. The highest the stock traded was ₱13.34 in the first 20 minutes of trading before consistent selling pressure pushed OGP price to an intra-day low of ₱12.46 around 1:30 PM. The stock mounted a significant recovery to around ₱12.90/share before a massive amount of late-day selling pushed it back down to the ₱12.50 level at the close.
  
  • MB: Since this is the first IPO of the year, the questions in my inbox tell me that we need to quickly cover a few points before we move forward. First, yes, OGP does have a stabilization fund, but it’s important to remember that a stabilization fund isn’t supposed to entirely prevent a stock’s price from falling. A stab fund is best thought of as a discretionary pool of money that a paid agent (in this case, BDO Capital) can use to buy shares on the open market to provide some artificial demand for the stock. It has a limited amount of money (usually around 10% of the value of the total IPO) and a limited amount of time (30 days), and once either of those is gone, so is the fund. The other thing to remember about stab funds is that it’s entirely up to the agent to deploy the limited resources of the fund. They might be hands-off for days before suddenly smashing the market with a swarm of buy orders to soak up the selling pressure, or they might constantly drip artificial buy orders into the market. Or they might employ a chaotic mixture of those strategies. Stability funds are a little bit of short-term downside protection and a handy pool of exit liquidity, but they shouldn’t be seen as IPO Investing insurance or a protection against loss! Be careful out there!
• [DIVS] CREIT, MREIT, and FILRT all declare Q1 dividends... Citicore Energy REIT [CREIT 2.83 ▲0.3%; 345% avgVol] [link] and MREIT [MREIT 12.96 ▲0.1%; 96% avgVol] [link] declared their Q1 dividends on Monday, while Filinvest REIT [FILRT 2.93 ▼2.0%; 47% avgVol] [link] declared its Q1 dividend on Friday. For CREIT, the dividend will be ₱0.049/share (stable), payable on July 9, representing 101% of CREIT’s Q1 distributable income (DI). For MREIT, the dividend will be ₱0.246 (stable), payable on June 14, representing 93% of MREIT’s DI. For FILRT, the dividend will be ₱0.062/share (falling), payable on June 7, representing 99.9% of FILRT’s DI for the quarter.
  
  • MB: The name of the REIT game is stability. While REITs cannot help what happens in the macroeconomic world with interest rates (all REITs got smacked when rates rose to fight inflation), what separates a good REIT from a bad one (in my opinion) is the management team’s ability to effectively worry about everything else to protect the income stream from loss. Bonus points should be awarded to teams who grow their dividend over time. Between these three companies, both CREIT and MREIT have shown the ability to deliver a stable dividend. CREIT has even managed to grow its dividend 11%. That leaves FILRT, which has continued to deliver giant turd after giant turd to its bagholders in the form of smaller and smaller dividends. FIRLT’s first three quarterly divs were at the ₱0.112/share level, and their most recent div was just ₱0.062. That’s a 44.6% drop. I don’t have a thesaurus within reach capable of accurately describing to you just how bad that is for a REIT. It’s not like the company suffered some major trauma that nearly halved the dividend; the div level has fallen four times over the past twelve quarters and in each of the last three.
• [NEWS] FMEFT halted due to broken price tracker... FMETF [FMETF 105.20 ▲0.9%; 5% avgVol] [link], the PSE’s only exchange-traded fund, was halted by the PSE at 1 PM yesterday after it was discovered that its iNav had failed to update since 11:30 AM. FMETF said that it would “coordinate” with its “service provider” to implement a fix, but as of this writing, FMETF has not advised that a fix has been implemented nor has the PSE lifted the halt.
  
  • MB: This problem happened six times last year, and while it’s great that we made it into May before we had our first FMETF outage of this year, it’s still discouraging to see “iNav not calculating” as a problem that we need to contend with in 2024. For those who are unfamiliar, FMETF is an exchange-traded fund, so FMEFT’s per-share price is derivative of the per-share prices of all the shares that FMETF owns/represents. The “iNav” that keeps breaking is the number that represents the current value of FMETF’s holdings, expressed as a “NAV per unit” or “NAV per share”. So, if the iNav isn’t updating, then traders are not getting the kind of information they need to place FMETF stock trades. “We need more ETFs” is something that I’ve heard traders say for years now, and while I still count myself as part of that group, I wish we could see some forward progress in the maintenance of FMETF before we introduce anything more exotic to the market.

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After graduation, today I am leaving West Lafayette & Purdue - a place I have called home for past few years. Purdue happened accidentally to me but this place has completely changed my life for the better. I would not wish I had gone anywhere else and would love to live through my time here again. Please bear with me, I would like to vent out my feelings, which am sure many of you would relate to.
Academic & Professional Success : As a student, arrived here with a goal in mind to target a specific field in Computer Engineering. With all honesty, taking absolutely no shortcuts - a fact of which I am proud of, I did some of the most difficult courses under some amazing Professors. For the love of learning, I have toiled hard, given my blood and sweat to grasp the material being taught and accomplish all projects with own genuine efforts. There have been times of absolute frustration and despair but each time I have tried to come back stronger. Was funded throughout my studies here, did few internships at the leading companies where I competed technically with the students from some of the best engineering schools, came out with great success and currenly have a job lined up in the most sought-after technical field.
Personal Struggles : All the above may sound great but I have had my share of struggles. I thought I had found my true love and my Purdue fairy tale could not get any better but it was not meant to be. I did experience a terrible heart break. Also being away from the immediate family for such long periods of time, I have experienced severe loneliness to the point where celebrating festivals became a chore in itself. Having said that on this beautiful and huge campus, I did meet some of the most amazing people who have helped me throughout my stay here, I am sincerely thankful for that. To all the folks who cut contact, left me and present friends thank you for all the wonderful times and making me feel less lonely here, making this journey here a memorable one.
Current and Future BoilerMakers : I am going to miss this place, the little things that this campus offers and the surreal energy levels on the campus - be it snow, rain or spring, students are beaming with enthusiasm. The thrill of looking for on-campus assistantships, searching internships, applying for full time jobs, interviewing and attending fun events/games on the campus with friends were some of the highlights of my stay here. Looking back, I sincerely wish I had studied a bit less, made some more meaningful connections, been more outgoing, had more fun and dealt with my relationships & friendships in a different manner. I know hindsight is 20/20, things worked out professionally for me in the end but along with memories I will carry a lot of regrets with me. I would like to urge each one of you reading this to make most of your time here, give due importance to studying but Purdue is “much more” than that. I hope each of you figure out your “much more” and cherish each and every moment on the campus. All Hail our own Purdue !!! Bolier Up !!!

https://planckstorytime.wordpress.com/ Hello! This is an essay analyzing the themes of FF7 Rebirth through a psychoanalytic lens, while also critiquing the execution of the game's writing. Moreover, it's a personal reflection on my journey with the game, and the complicated feelings that got tangled up with that. Please give it a read if you have the chance.
Previous articles: FF7: Reflections of a Traumatized Generation (2020)
I Need to Talk about Final Fantasy VII Remake or My Head Will Explode (2021)
Excerpt: “A confluence of worlds… and emotions. Loss, chief among them. It engulfs fleeting moments of joy, transforming them into rage, sadness, hatred.”
– Sephiroth, Final Fantasy VII Rebirth (2024), speaking to me, specifically
*The following contains spoilers\*
I. Memoirs of a Neurotic Fan
Hoo boy.
It’s been a long four years since Final Fantasy VII Remake (2020) released, and I don’t think I have ever before devoted so much emotional energy to deciphering how I truly feel about a piece of media. Initially, I enjoyed my return to a reimagined world of lovable characters, but unfavorable writing choices and a mind-boggling finale left me feeling torn. Despite striving to maintain an optimistic outlook at the end of my previous essay, my perspective on the game only darkened as the years wore on. Developer interviews constantly oscillated back and forth as to whether they would remain faithful to the original FF7 (1997), or, as the ending of Remake indicated, strike out on a brand new “unknown journey.” That’s not to mention the downright radioactive discourse among fans, combined with the litany of harassing messages I received for the most tepid criticisms.
Eventually, I grew to despise Remake. The positive emotions and ecstatic love I had for parts of the game sunk beneath my waves of ire toward its creative divergences – as well as what they represented to me. And I fed that hate. I hated its ponderous navel-gazing about the nature of adaptations. I hated its self-congratulatory insinuation that asinine story decisions like the “Baby’s-First-Metacommentary” Whispers and the resurrection of multiple deceased characters somehow constituted “bold” storytelling. I hated the uncritical portion of certain audiences that fell for this illusion of transgressive storytelling, all the while embracing a game that went out of its way to barrage the player with fanservice and puerile pandering. I hated the frequent argumentation that “it’s not a remake, it’s a sequel” was somehow seen as a mitigating factor, when it actually further aggravated my problems with it. I hated Remake’s emphasis on novelty, its subversion without meaning, its arrogant alienation of new audiences that wanted to experience a classic story, and its implicitly cynical view on thousands of years of storytelling tradition for the sake of “surprise.” To quote director Naoki Hamaguchi:
“When you try to remake a game and make it an entertaining game, having the exact storyline as the original would lack the excitement and surprise. I was looking for an essence to add to the story, and Zack was chosen to be this essence because in the original, there wasn’t much story about Zack, but in Crisis Core, he had a huge character development.”
But that lonely ember of hope persisted; after all, I had loved Remake at one point. I hated that stubborn attachment most of all. By the time Rebirth was fully unveiled, I wanted only one thing from it: to repulse me to my core, to be something so egregiously offensive to my sensibilities that I could never associate the project with anything positive again. “Perhaps if things get stupid enough,” I thought, “others will also see the emperor’s nakedness.” Pain and despair morphed into objects of desire for me. They were my keys to escaping these contradictory feelings of love and hate.
As you can see, I am quite well-adjusted and able to engage with art in a healthy way.
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WOH Month 4 Week 6
We open the show at the studio for the second episode of Tenille Dashwood's Time with Dash!! Tenille greets us, and begins to talk about her two guests this evening…
Suddenly the screen goes dark and A computerized voice is heard. The following message is heard a few times:
We Already Know… You will never see us coming.. We are The Best… We are The Standard And you don't measure up!!
…..
The Sky Pirates come out with the tag titles and the cheers of the crowd. They grab a pair of microphones and say that they don't plan on sitting at home for Revolution and have decided to issue an open challenge to any pair of women on the roster for a title shot at the PPV!!
…..
Women's International Championship Tournament Semi-final match 1
Zoey Stark vs Sol Ruca
The two close friends and tag team partners are the opening match tonight. They hug before the bell rings and then begin to feel each other out. Zoey’s power game meshes well with Sol’s agility. The crowd cheers for both of them as a very good match rolls on.
Knowing each other as well as they do, both know how to tell what's coming next. Commentary mentions that there is no time limit in these matches.
Sol realizes it's time to go for broke and attempts a Sol Snatcher. Zoey pops up and spikes Sol with a spinning piledriver! Then to the shock of everyone, she rolls out of the ring and heads backstage.
The referee has no choice but to count her out and award the match to the unconscious Ruca!
…..
Tony Schiavone and Ian Riccaboni are as dumbfounded as everyone as to what they all just witnessed.. they are trying to get someone to the back trying to get an interview with Zoey.
…..
Shotzi Blackheart vs Xia Brookside
Interesting matchup Here. Shotzi has seen some recent losses and young Xia Brookside looking to make a statement in her first match in WOH.
Quick back and forth but the much more experienced Blackheart takes control. Xia gets a few chances to get back into the match, but Shotzi shuts them all down and takes the win following a spinning DDT at the 9 minute mark.
…..
Back from the break, we see a furious Salina de la Renta!!
“Zoey Stark!! I know you haven't left the arena yet.. come out here now and explain yourself!! I can understand the heat of the moment, I can even understand competing against a close friend.. but I don't understand leaving the match when you have it WON and getting counted out… “
Salina and the crowd wait for Zoey, but she doesn't show. After a few moments, Salina shakes her head and stalks backstage muttering about getting to the bottom of this one way or another.
…..
Women's International Championship Tournament Semi-final match 2
Mariah May vs Tegan Nox
Mariah May was caught off guard by Tegan Nox's ferocity in this one!! From the moment the bell rang, Nox unleashed a relentless assault on her opponent, showing a never before seen aggression! Despite May's valiant efforts to match her intensity, she found herself overwhelmed by the sheer force of Nox's onslaught.
Throughout the match, Nox's vicious streak was on full display, as she ruthlessly targeted May's weaknesses and exploited every opportunity to gain the upper hand. Despite the resilience shown by May, she ultimately succumbed to Nox's relentless onslaught, unable to withstand a pair of nightmarish Shiniest Wizard kneestrikes!! As the final bell tolled, it was clear that Tegan Nox had displayed a new attitude that makes her a favorite for the International Championship and possibly much more in Women of Honor!!
…..
Many questions remain as We head into Revolution next week.
Tegan’s new attitude? What is going on with Zoey? Who will answer the Sky Pirates Open Challenge? Will Asuka be the one to dethrone Jamie Hayter?
…..
Revolution PPV Card
ROH World Title Champ: Jay White vs Malakai Black
WOH World Title Champ: Jamie Hayter vs Asuka
ROH International Title Damian Priest vs Marcel Barthel
WOH International Title Sol Ruca vs Tegan Nox
ROH Tag Titles Champs: Breakker and Alexander w/ Robert Stone vs New Catch Republic
WOH Tag Titles Open Challenge Champs: Sky Pirates vs ????
Austin Theory vs Jimmy Uso
Pentagon Jr vs Nic Nemeth w/ Robert Stone

A few months ago, I received a job opportunity from a center specializing in neurological evaluation and interventions, including transcranial magnetic stimulation. The center's surgeons are based in California, US, and they recently opened a new facility in Cancun. Since I was planning to move to Cancun, I was thrilled to find a job opportunity aligned with my career.
During the interview process, which lasted about a month, I had the chance to meet the head neurosurgeon and the CEO. Although they weren't specifically looking to fill my role, they were impressed by my background in software and neuroimaging. They proposed that we collaborate on a contractual project to assess whether there might be a potential position for me in the future.
In the meantime, the office boss, a Swedish immigrant in his 50s, asked me a few times to visit his office in order to get acquainted with the workplace. However, during one of these visits, he made an inappropriate and uncomfortable request. He asked if I could help him find a sex worker from Chiapas, the state where I lived before relocating to Cancun. Chiapas is a beautiful place, but unfortunately, it is also known for its poverty and exploitation. I was taken aback by his request, and I politely explained that I could only engage in work that aligns with my qualifications. It made me feel vulnerable, especially when he commented on my appearance and assured me that his comments were not meant to offend me.
In the following week, while I was still waiting for a response from the surgeons, he asked me to come to the office again for some updates. Once again, he brought up the topic of finding a sex worker and even offered a laptop as an incentive. He knew that I needed a new laptop because mine had been stolen, and during the interviews, I had mentioned my desire to improve my financial stability after a challenging year. I refused his request once more, but he persisted, implying that I could earn the laptop if I complied. This situation made me feel deeply uncomfortable.
Over the next few days, he informed me that I would receive a job offer soon. However, he had negotiated with the surgeons to offer me around significantly less than what was initially discussed during our first call. When I asked for an explanation, he claimed there was some confusion and suggested that I should negotiate a higher salary directly with the doctors, emphasizing that I should know my worth. I was furious because I realized he had intentionally deceived me, as negotiating a higher salary at this stage would be much more challenging.
He then made a remark suggesting that he may not have been well-informed about salary figures in Mexico. I'm Mexican born!
Despite everything, I tried to overlook these incidents, hoping that I could mainly work remotely and avoid extensive interaction with this individual. However, he invited me to the office once again to discuss a potential project I might work on after joining the company. Given the circumstances, I explicitly stated that I would only undertake any tasks after signing a contract. This upset him, and he insisted that I do him a favor, explaining that he needed the project to pay for his daughter's tuition.
A couple of weeks ago, I received an email with updates regarding the project, but I haven't responded yet. I'm unsure how to proceed with this situation. I don't believe the doctors are aware of this individual's behavior, and I don't want to come across as ungrateful by expressing my discomfort. I feel extremely uneasy about this whole situation.
I would greatly appreciate any advice or suggestions!
TL;DR
I received a job opportunity at a US-based neurological center but encountered uncomfortable situations with the office boss. The boss made inappropriate requests and offered a laptop as an incentive.

I’m a freshman in college and last semester I met this guy who has kind of become my friend. I say kind of because we are friends through situation rather than choice. This guy is the president of a club that I became the secretary of on campus and a research student under one of my professors from last semester (who I am friends with) and because of this I see him often enough. He got ahold of my number after I became part of the club group chat and since then has privately and casually texted me, which I was at first uncomfortable about, but brushed it off as I didn’t think he was weird and his texts were normal. I didn’t really think anything was weird about him until this semester. He started randomly touching the ends of my hair and patting my head which I have repeatedly told him not to do which he completely ignores and continues doing anyways.
He also started getting upset if I forget to text him back (I have a lot going on in life and we are not close friends) He complains to my sister about it (she goes to the same college) and when he sees me on campus he says that “I need to fix my texting and communication problem.”
What really made me feel uncomfortable about him is that a few weeks ago we had a long conversation about random things, which was fine, until he started asking me what I was most afraid of. I brushed him off and said something silly, but he kept coming back to it throughout the conversation over and over and over again. I finaly said that I wasn’t afraid of anything (genuinely I’m not) and I threw the question back at him and he said “hmmm, I haven’t really thought about it”. We talked about favorite animals and he asked the question again “ what are you afraid of?” My sister came by and he abruptly changed the topic and became quiet.
Just before that conversation he invited my sister and I to a dinner party at his dorm and because I didn’t want to be rude, I said sure and went. While I was there we watched a movie and afterwards he brought out a guitar and said I could play it if I wanted to, then asked me to play some Spanish guitar. I asked how he knew that I could play Spanish guitar and he said that he had found and looked at my mom’s Facebook page and saw that she had posted some videos of my playing among other things like the cakes that I made for my sibling’s birthday and the things that I baked. It wouldn’t be so weird if it wasn’t for the fact that those posts and videos were from 2018 and he had dug through hundreds of videos and posts to find them. On top of that he never talked about any of the posts that pertained to my sister. Little while later he played music (for about three hours straight) and the entire playlist was romantic songs, to which he tried to get me to dance with him. He asked if my sister and I could dance and we both said we knew how to waltz. My sister offered to teach him how to, but he kept insisting that I do it, and to avoid awkwardness, I did it. I waltzed him right into the couch so I didn’t have to keep going as I was very uncomfortable.
After the conversation, I have been avoiding him as much as possible and texting him as little as possible which has been hard because he started to wait outside my classroom for me to get out of class and follow me around campus until I would leave (I commute). I ran into him at a college picnic about two weeks ago and when he saw me he abruptly turned away from the picnic and headed to his dorm. I was sitting with a few of the professors and they were all shocked that he would turn down free food. A little while later he came by and sat down next to me at a table and rubbed my back asking if I was okay (I have some health issues that he is aware of). I subtly moved away from him just far enough to let him know I was not comfortable with his attention and he got up in a huff and went to play a yard game. Every few minutes he would look over to see what I was doing and just stare. I stayed with the professors and didn’t leave until the picnic was over and walked back to the college with one of my professors.
His texting has become a little strange too. He used to rarely use any punctuation and now all of his texts are like this “(my name)!!! How are you??“ “ What are you doing?!?!?! Just about every single text has an exclamation mark after it.
Is this stalking or am I being too much?

Fiona Sinnott was a 19 year old Irish woman who vanished after a night out in County Wexford on February 8th 1998. At the time of her disappearance, Fiona was a single mother to an 11 month old daughter, Emma.
The night of Sunday 8th started off normally and Fiona spent it socialising with her friends at Butler's Pub in Broadway, County Wexford which also happened to be close to her home. Her friends Nora, Joan and Martina all described Fiona as being in good spirts that night but did state that she kept complaining of a bad pain in her arm. Her friends and Garda later considered that this could have been related to a past relationship she had broken off. Fiona had suffered immense physical abuse at the hands of a former boyfriend and had hospitalised herself after being violently attacked on numerous occasions. Her injuries had included bruises to her face, bites to her legs, being beaten about the head and back and even a fractured jaw. She had confided in close friends details about these attacks but never filed any complaints against the perpetrator, a man from South Wexford. Despite this pain in her arm, however, Fiona seemed to be in good form and enjoyed a good night out with her friends. At one point, she called her brother Séamus and asked him to come down to the pub but he declined as he was tired after a long day at work. He later stated that he wondered if something had happened to Fiona while at the pub and had she contacted him as a way of seeking help. Either way, this was the last contact Fiona had with her family. At around midnight, Fiona decided to return home as the pain in her arm was causing her great discomfort. She asked her ex-boyfriend, a man by the name of Seán Carroll, if he could walk her home. Carroll was the father of Fiona's child and although their relationship had ended, they remained close and on good terms. He had been drinking alone at the premises and willingly agreed to walk her back to her home, which wasn't far from the pub. They left together shortly after midnight.
Fiona wasn't reported missing until February 18th, 9 days after she was last seen leaving the pub. Her family hadn't reported her missing sooner as she reportedly had a habit of traversing the country to visit people and would sometimes be without contact for several days at a time. However, after 9 days of silence, her family knew something was terribly wrong, especially as she hadn't contacted Sean's family, with whom she has a childcare arrangement, to collect her daughter. Her father, Pat, then filed a missing persons report. Seán was the first to be interviewed as he was the last person to see Fiona. He told Gardaí that he and Fiona had walked back to her home slowly as her pain was causing her immense discomfort. Upon entering her property, he offered her coffee but she declined and went immediately to bed. He slept on the sofa that night while she went to sleep in the upstairs bedroom. He awoke at 9am and went into Fiona's room where he woke her up and she had told him that she would be visiting the doctors in Bridgetown to see about her arm. Seán gave her some money and then left the house as his mother had arrived to collect him. She drove him home to Coddstown, two miles west of Broadway. He stated that when he left, Fiona was awake and sitting up in bed.
When Garda began to investigate Fiona's house in the hopes of finding clues, they were met with an unusual sight. According to a Gardaí officer, "Her house was immaculately cleaned, almost spotless. This was unusual for Fiona, especially as she had been suffering from arm pain before she disappeared. Her family told us that she was not house proud and she would have always had some mess lying around. Because of this, we don't believe Fiona tidied the house. We searched everywhere for clues but found nothing- everything had been painstakingly cleaned". Fiona's landlord also stated that because of her young daughter, anytime he went to visit the house it "always had bits and bobs scattered around". Fiona's neighbour's reported that in the days after her disappearance, numerous black bin bags appeared outside of her house. However, these had vanished by the time she was reported missing. Several weeks after her disappearance, a local farmer came forward to Garda and stated that while he had been tending to his cattle, he stumbled upon numerous bin bags dumped on his property and that when he opened them, he found numerous letters and documents addressed to Fiona Sinnott. Regretfully, he was unaware of her disappearance at the time and had burnt the bags as he believed it to be the result of fly tipping, something that was a big problem then.
Today, 26 years later, no trace of Fiona has ever been found. Shockingly, when her family attempted to erect a memorial plaque in 2008 close to the pub where she was last seen, it was destroyed the night before being unveiled and a second plaque was also destroyed a few months later. However, a third plaque remains to this day down by the harbour. Despite these setbacks, her family have not given up hope of finding her and bringing her home. They have stated that they know exactly who killed her but that the perpetrator now resides in mainland Europe. Garda have also stated they have a person of interest but, as the family stated, they no longer live in Ireland. In 2005, her case was upgraded to a murder enquiry. Some interesting information did come to light in recent years however, as a Garda information appeal resulted in someone coming forward and stating that on the night Fiona vanished, they had been driving along when they spotted a woman and a man matching her and Seán's description walking away from the direction of the pub. They also noted that two men, in their late teens/early 20's, appeared to be following them quite quickly. This witness statement has opened up new lines of thinking, including whether or not Fiona even made it home that night. However, unless a body is found or a confession is made, Fiona's family remain without answers and her disappearance remains unsolved.
Sources: https://m.sundayworld.com/news/irish-news/gardai-say-people-know-what-happened-to-fiona-sinnott-last-seen-25-years-ago-today/1754438002.html
https://www.irelandsvanishingtriangle.com/fiona-sinnott
'Missing' by Barry Cummins

First off before I start this post, it is imperative to say, I DO NOT SUPPORT YE'S VIEWS OR STANCE AT ALL AND I'M NOT TRYING TO DEFEND HIM AT ALL, THIS IS JUST MY EXPERIENCE AND THAT'S NOT A REFLECTION OF ANY OF MY POLITICAL STANCES. Now that that's out of the way,
Back in December of 2022, when Ye was supposed to go on that horrible Alex Jones interview, I was talking to this one girl on Instagram but we weren't talking THAT much, just once in every 3 days a casual how you doing, a random joke or something, nothing serious.
Then that stupid interview came out, and I put that on my Instagram story vocally disagreeing with Ye as many people knew I was into a lot of Ye music and I didn't want them to think that I supported this guy's views here. After 10 mins or smn of that story being up I get a notification from that girl basically saying that she saw that interview too and she was trying to piece it up too.
I didn't know she was into Ye stuff so out of curiosity I asked her if she was following just news in general or Ye for a specific reason. She replied back saying that she was into Ye's stuff cos he was her favorite artist, and I never knew that, so I was caught by surprise and asked her about her favorite album, favorite song, etc etc.
We talked for a decent while, I'd say about 2 hours? Anyway, later I asked her if she wanted to come over that weekend to listen to Ye, discuss some stuff going on, watch a movie or smn cos my parents were out, and she was down for the idea. So that Sunday we sat and listened to the entirety of MBTDF, Graduation and Yeezus from start to end and watched a movie.
Soon, we started having more of these "sessions" and every session it started escalating bit by bit, first holding hands, or a random hug, and eventually we got together and it was so fun those small sessions were the best, listening to music and enjoying stuff istg. Eventually we did break up though cos we had to go our separate ways, but it was mutual and there were no hard feelings there at all. I still talk to her here and there too.
But now I'm with this other girl and she is the best, she makes me feel so happy, makes playlists and Pinterest boards for me, it's honestly the cutest thing ever and we carried on those small "sessions" I used to have and it's gotten even better now with her and its crazy cos none of this would have happened if Ye just kept his mouth shut.
Ik this shit is too cheesy for GAS and stuff but I thought I'd post it cos 1- I remembered this whole thing cos of the recent Fuentes incident and thought about this whole butterfly effect and 2- I thought it would be a small ray of sunshine among the whole doomer posts and the "it's over" posts going around.
I'm curious though, how bout y'all? You guys have had any similar incidents/butterfly effects?

Hey everyone,
I'm reaching out here because I'm feeling incredibly lost and heartbroken. I recently applied for a full-time teaching role at a school that I've poured my heart and soul into. Let me give you some context.
I've been doing supply teaching for a few years, and it's been quite a journey, especially considering that I have ADHD and social anxiety. It took me a long time to feel ready to apply for a permanent position, but I finally took the leap. I fell in love with this particular school, and I was overjoyed when multiple members of the senior leadership team (SLT) encouraged me to apply for a teaching role there.
The class I was working with had some of the most challenging behavior and complex emotional needs I’ve ever encountered. Multiple supply teachers came and went during to these needs (from what I was told by other staff), but despite not even having begun my ECT years, I took on the challenge. Through immense emotional energy, research and dedication, I managed to contribute hugely in turning the class around entirely. It felt like a significant accomplishment, not just for me, but for the students as well.
So when I applied for the job, I felt like I had a real shot. All signs pointed to it; the encouragement from SLT, the rapport I built with the students, and the positive changes I witnessed firsthand. In fact, I've been getting regular emails from the SLT praising me and my efforts. I have tried so hard to not let everyone’s positivity cloud my realism, and followed all comments from colleagues with “you shouldn’t say that because you never know, I might not get it!” But it was obviously hard not to let what people were saying allow me to feel a bit secure.
It feels awful knowing that the team I’ve become so fond of and comfortable working with, and consider friends, have all sat around and decided that they would prefer someone else. This job role was always going to be for an ECT as the school is small with ample experienced staff. From what I have heard, there is more than one job which have both been filled, which makes it all the more painful. I am feeling utterly shattered and confused. Tomorrow, I have to face everyone at work knowing that I didn't get the job, as I’m sure they’ll announce the successful candidates in the staff meeting, I'm not sure how I'll hold myself together.
I know my interview didn’t go amazingly well, I was extremely nervous. But throughout I was reassured that the one day was not a true reflection on me in comparison to my lengthy time working there. They had no feedback after the interview lesson, and when I listed off the areas I thought went poorly, and what I’d do next time differently, I was met with a flurry of compliments and them saying they had only written positives.
I've always struggled to believe in myself and my abilities, but for once, I did. And now, it feels like that belief has been crushed. I'm heartbroken, and I don't know where to go from here. I'll miss the children and the school immensely.
It’s really painful knowing I gave my absolute all to this job, and ultimately it wasn’t enough.
I’m looking to my future considering if teaching is right for me. My confidence is completely shot again. And from experience, it takes a hell of a while for me to build it up again.
If anyone has been through something similar or has any advice on how to cope with a rejection and move forward, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you for listening.

Content Warning:Mentions of Child Abuse & Gore
They called me a colic baby, meaning I was a seemingly healthy baby that was distressed for an unknown reason. The fits of crying mostly dissipated by six months, but they'd crop up every now and then into toddler-hood. When I became capable of babbling a few words, I would summarize my pain in a few words: belly hurt. Belly HURT!
My parents didn't have much money, but they took me to the doctor for a checkup anyway. After running a physical exam and blood test, they determined that I was merely an excessively gassy little girl and should probably eat a more gut-friendly diet. They also prescribed some medicine which would eliminate the gas and relieve my pain.
It was from that moment on that my parents gave me the nickname "Gas Girl" (which I despised). The name stuck for several years, and anytime I'd get a little stomach ache my mom or dad would say, "uh, oh. It's not Gas Girl returning, is it?" I'd glare at them with my arms folded and pout, saying, "I'm not Gas Girl. I'm Wonder Girl!" My parents would share a look, then burst out laughing. Just as I was about to shout a retort, my dad would open up his arms and bend down in that familiar pose which signaled liftoff, and all my childish rage detached like a racing sticker as I leaped into my dad's arms and he flew me around the living room shouting "Who is it? It's Wonder-girl! Here to save the day from Gas Girl!"
Anyway, just as the nickname wore off, the pain returned. I was about 7 or 8 when I had my first big episode. I was in second grade, and the class was cutting out shapes. The pain came on so suddenly I remember lurching back and falling out of my seat. The next few hours were a blur of adults: my teacher, the nurses, the principal, my parents. I remember how cold and alone I felt despite being surrounded by grown ups, and my stomach hurt so much I was crying pretty much nonstop.
My dad bought a bunch of OTC medicine to try and settle what he thought was a really bad gas episode. My mom laid at the side of my bed and did bicycles in the air with me. Hours passed in pain as my adolescent imagination conjured up images of an evil little elf blowing thousands of bubbles in my belly. I consciously pictured myself popping them, but every time I did, more were blown. My dad scheduled a doctor's appointment for the next morning, and my mom stayed at my side until I was able to fall asleep sometime late in the night.
I dreamed vividly a horrific nightmare. I was strapped to a black, metal box. A surgeon donning blue scrubs with white gloves and a mask entered the space in my peripheral vision. The air was cold but crisp, as if every bit of dust had been scrubbed out of existence. I could feel my breathing, my heartbeat, even my skin. The doctor stepped forward and I could see the distortion of a smirk in the folds of his mask. I expected him to say something, to tell me what he wanted, but instead he lifted my shirt so my belly was exposed. "It's cold", I said in a mumbly voice. He lifted his hand in the air, and I saw behind it off in the back of the room was what looked like the glass wall of an aquarium. I was confused for a second, but only a second. The surgeon plunged his hand into my stomach like a spear, splitting through the flesh as if it were the skin of a ripe fruit. The previously silent man began to cackle like a maniacal villain as I nearly passed out from the pain. I felt his fingers swimming through my guts like parasitic worms. My body shook as cold sweat and blood began to ooze from my pores. I wanted to scream but I couldn't make a sound. I could only lay there, paralyzed, as the evil doctor explored my insides.
Somehow I lost consciousness in the dream, but when I woke up, the memory came flooding back, and I screamed with all the force of a thunderstorm. My parents skipped the appointment and rushed me to immediate care, but by the time we arrived, the pain was gone. I explained my dream to the doctor, but he said it was normal to dream up reasons for the pain. They recommended a CT scan to screen out the possibility of an ulcer or internal bleeding. Despite my parents' scarce savings, they agreed to run the test. However, something deeply entrenched in my mind thought of the dream with the surgeon and I protested. "I don't want a test!" I screamed. "But, honey, how are we going to know what's wrong?" replied my mom. "Nothing's wrong now. I don't want a test."
Looking back now on my persistence, it should have been obvious that there was something wrong with me, but my parents, who were thinking of their finances, allowed themselves to acquiesce to my demands. The pain would continue into and throughout my teenage years, and the one benefit that I can credit to it was that it taught me how to endure pain and hide it well before puberty started. Compared to my childhood cramps, period cramps were around a B+. Very bad, but not end of the world bad. However, they'd stick around more reliably, and eventually the two began to combine until I could no longer discern between them. Occasionally I would have a nightmare and wake up with a pain that was a little higher in my stomach, almost approaching my chest, but it would always disappear by breakfast time, and the chaos of a teenage girl's life would once again reassert itself in the form of an outfit that didn't look quite right or the memory of every word of a conversation with a guy I liked or how my teacher was out to get me. Basically, I had become normal.
And then two weeks after I turned 16, my dad passed away from heart failure. Apparently the stress from a paycheck-to-paycheck life in sales added onto a bad diet and a penchant for alcohol was a recipe for disaster. He was only 49. I was crushed.
The weeks and months following his funeral were filled with teenage anger and resentment. I directed most of it at my mom, who I held accountable for not being strong enough to step up and help with the bills. One day, when I was searching the drug cabinet for some painkillers to deal with some bad cramping, I noticed a new prescription for a drug with a really long name. I looked it up. It was an antidepressant. From that moment on I stopped giving my mom shit, but I grew a bit distant from her. I started spending a lot more time with my friends. I became reckless, adopting a drinking habit and unsafe sex practices. I smoked a bit but I didn't really like it. I guess I was just trying to find a way to move on, as naive as it was.
Fast forward to my present situation, and I'm a college student. A junior to be exact. I ended up scrounging up enough money from working two restaurant jobs to see a therapist on my own dime, and managed to make peace with my mom before leaving. We both talked out all of our trauma and cried together, and from that moment on, I haven't had a drink. About six months ago I got on the pill. I was starting to see one guy consistently and I wanted to be safe, but also I wanted to know what it felt like to not have stomach cramps anymore. It was freeing. I remembered my dad lifting me up into the air as a child, and I figured it kinda felt like that. I still cry thinking about him, although I don't let anyone see.
Anyway, about a week ago I started having really bad pain again, but this time it was in my chest. I would wake up in my apartment (I share a 3-bedroom with some friends from the college) with heart palpitations. My heart felt like a snake had wrapped around it and was trying to choke it out. The pressure would give way to a burst of fast ba-dum's, then settle, then start again. I remembered my dad's prognosis and started to get really scared, so I scheduled an appointment with the on-campus doctor for the next day through the online health platform.
They told me that chest pain is no joke and scheduled to have me scanned at a nearby hospital. This was four days ago. My boyfriend, Kevin, drove me there even though I said I'd be fine going alone. I think I already knew our relationship wasn't going to work out long term, so I was kind of checked out. I felt bad about it though because Kev is actually a really good person, but our personalities just don't match. He's very introverted and doesn't like to go out, whereas I thrive in group settings. Anyway, he drove me and I ended up getting an X-ray. The doc came in to share the results and I was immediately put off by the dubious expression on his face.
"What do you mean the images are blurry?" I asked.
"Well, it's just… that. They're blurry. It's very unusual for this to happen unless you have a pacemaker or some other device implanted. Do you know if you have something like that?"
"No, never," I said with a quaver in my voice. For some reason I thought back on my childhood dream with the surgeon and felt the urge to vomit.
"Well, let's run a CT scan and see if we can make anything out." He soothed.
Normally the CT and MRI dock was booked for a week out but the doctor happened to have an open space for me that same morning, so I waited about an hour and then got in the big tube machine that took pictures of my chest and abdomen. He said he should have the results by Thursday. That was Yesterday.
I was driving onto campus for my 9AM class when I got the call.
"Hello, this is Dr. **** calling for Josie **** ." (names redacted for privacy reasons)
"Oh, yes, this is Josie," I said and fit the phone between my shoulder and ear as I tried to find a comfortable posture."
"Yes, hello," the male doctor said in grave way which made me feel like this wasn't going to be a short call. "I wanted to see if you were available to come in today for some more tests."
"More tests?" I asked. "What about the first ones?" Images of blocked heart valves and cancer presented themselves on my mental screen.
"Yes, well, I wanted to discuss the results with you in person. There was a bit of a … well, an inconsistency, and I didn't want to upset you—"
"Upset me!?" I blurted, my free hand flying out over the steering wheel, swerving my car toward the curb. I corrected, then lowered my voice, "sorry, I don't mean to be …" be, what? This is completely absurd. "Could you at least give me some indication of what's wrong with me? I'm just kind of panicking here."
The doctor was quiet for a moment, then returned. "Sorry, Josie, I didn't mean to spook you. Both the X-ray scan and CT scan are picking up interference which is unusual. It's possible it's just a flaw on our end, so that's why we wanted you to come back in—to do an MRI and really verify what the issue is. This one would be free of charge and we'd get you results same-day as we feel bad about the issues with the machinery. Do you think that would be possible?"
I took a deep breath. I still felt uneasy, but at least now there was some kind of explanation I could lean on. "Okay, yeah, I can come in. I have class until 9:50AM, but I can drive over after and be there around 10:15, 10:20-ish. Would that work?"
"That would work great. We'll see you then."
I spent the whole of my communications class thinking about what could be wrong with me, doodling my ideas down on a notebook. Heart disease. Cancer. Some kind of peptic ulcer. Maybe it was the pill? The drinking? Was this some kind of cosmic retribution? I didn't know.
An hour later I was back at the hospital. I expected to be ushered into the MRI prep room, but instead I found myself in one of the normal patient rooms, sitting upright on a bed. The nurse did the preliminary height and weight measurements and medical history. I asked about the MRI, but all she said was that the doctor will discuss that with me. Before she left, she handed me an assessment to fill out. It seemed to be a list of questions about the medical history of my family, specifically about our mental health. Does your family have a history of Schizophrenia? Have there been any instances of domestic abuse? Did you have vivid nightmares as a child? Etc. I marked the boxes, then set the clipboard down.
At last I heard the fated knock on the door, and my doctor came in holding an Ipad. The door was only open for maybe a couple seconds, but I could see multiple nurses and technicians peeking their heads in my direction, as if they were trying to catch a glimpse of me. That can't be good.
"Hello, Josie," the doctor said and clicked on the little TV screen. He didn't even look at me. I could see dried sweat along his hairline.
"What's happening? I thought I was going to get an MRI…"
"Well, actually we aren't sure if that's the best course of action." the doctor said as he clicked the screen and pulled up a series of images.
"Can you look at me, please?" I snapped.
The doctor raised his head and tilted it in my direction. His mouth was agape, his eyes wide as if only realizing I was here at that moment. "I'm sorry, Josie." He took a deep breath, preparing some kind of canned presentation, then let it out and said, "It's just easier if I show you." He pulled up the first global image from what I presume was my CT scan. It was a front-shot. I could see my organs as little geometric shapes and—
"Wait, what is that?" I asked, pointing at the screen.
"That—is the problem."
I spent the next minute just staring at it. Somehow, in between all of the organs, there was some kind of cylindrical mass—I thought it was my spine at first but quickly realized it was too wide and there weren't any vertebrae—and at the head of the mass was, very clearly, a hand.
"What the fuck is that" I said in a tone that was at once forceful and pointed.
"It appears," the doctor started, looking away again. "It appears that there is a mechanical hand in your chest cavity. It's attached to a piece of a forearm that begins at your stomach, here," he pointed, "and continues up until, well, it appears to be holding your heart."
Ten seconds passed in silence. Then I was hit with the equivalent of the laughing gas they give you at the Dentist's office. All the blood in my body surged to my forehead and I felt light as the very thin hospital air. "Hahaha!!! You expect me to believe that? What kind of fucking clown-show hospital is this? Am I at the circus?' I stood up and started toward the door. The doctor body blocked me.
"Please, Josie, that isn't it."
"Oh?" I said sarcastically. "Please, do tell."
"Could you have—oh, okay, okay,, let me explain."
I stood there with my arms folded, unrelenting.
"When we first had you do the X-ray there was a big blur. It was clear that something was blocking us from seeing the image. The CT scan was able to take some actual pictures of it. I know it seems, well, unusual—"
"Wait, what the hell is that?" I asked, gesturing toward the clipboard.
"What?" The doctor looked disoriented.
"Those questions. Are you trying to insinuate that my mom and dad implanted some kind of mechanical hand in my body?"
"No," the doctor raised his hands. "We were just trying to gather some more information… Josie," the doctor said as I once again headed for the door handle. "Please, there's more. From the blood test we conducted it seems that you're pregnant."
I was so done. "I'm on the pill, asshole." I sneered and swung the door open, ignoring the sets of eyes trained on me as I scurried to the end of the hall, ran outside, and climbed into my car. I expected to see a bunch of people in white coats running after me, but there was no one. I started the car as tears began to stream from my eyes. Fuck them, I thought and sped out of the parking lot.
I couldn't return to my apartment. I ended up driving for hours, working my way back to my hometown. I spent a long time thinking about all the things I had experienced growing up. The stomach pain, slowly working its way up to my chest. The vivid dream of the surgeon feeling around my guts. Was it really that crazy to think my body was trying to tell me something? Why had I decided against having a CT scan all those years ago? Why now? I didn't—couldn't believe what was happening to me. But was that just because I didn't want to believe it?
And then there was the pregnancy. I was definitely on the pill. I knew it wasn't Kev's, or at least I was pretty sure it wasn't. We haven't been having sex for a little over a month now. But did that mean that something else didn't impregnate me? My paranoia was at its peak. I considered the possibility that maybe it was me that was Schizophrenic. None of this made any sense. I wanted my dad. I missed him. I considered going to see my mom, but despite making up with her, I still didn't feel close enough to her to own up to everything. I wanted to be alone—needed to be alone.
I ended up getting a Motel about 10 minutes away from my house. It was around 1AM when I finally opened the door to my room and laid down on the bed. After hours of thinking, a single thought occurred to me like a kind of defense mechanism: if I really am pregnant, I'm not keeping the baby. I want it out.
Just as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard the notification sound go off on my phone, which was odd since I was sure I had set it to vibrate. I turned and grabbed it, unplugging it from its charging dock. I had received a text message from an unknown, 5-digit number: 66669. This is what it said.
66669: If you terminate my baby, I will crush your heart.
***
I haven't been able to sleep since. It's now 6AM and I've drafted this as a cry for help. Please, let me know what you think I should do. I'm too "in it" to see the details clearly. I feel alone and scared and paranoid. Someone or something is watching me. Maybe it has been my whole life.

Hello fellow tutor aspirees, side hustlers, academic extraordinaires. I’m here to give you the scoop on the various tutoring platforms, how their services work, tutoring requirements, the types of students on each platform, and of course - how much you get paid for your time.
A little about me. I’ve tutored for a few months now on the following platforms: Varsity Tutors, Wyzant, and SuperProf. I’ve had a number of students on each platform, and it’s safe to say I’ve definitely realized the pros and cons of each one.
Wyzant
Money Info: You set your hourly rate. Wyzant takes 25% of it. If you set your rate to $20/hr you get paid $15/hr.
The Requirements: Each subject you tutor you have to take a 10–20 question multiple choice test on it. The test will be beginner to intermediate questions on the subject you’ve chosen. You only have one chance to pass the test.
The Pros:

• You set your own rate
• Tutors and students can freely schedule meetings on their own, rather than have someone assign you
• The user interface is better(mobile app, messaging system, teaching platform, etc)
• Students can largely vary(this can be a con too). You will get a wider range of students, who can be adults with various full time jobs.

The Cons:

• You are charged 25% of your hourly rate
• It’s very hard to get started as a new tutor. There are tons of tutors with a lot of reviews already.
• There are scammers(be cautious of people asking you to communicate off the platform)

Final Verdict
Wyzant is an easy to use platform that takes a while to build a student base. You’ll have to apply and reach out to students a lot at first before you start getting more consistent jobs. This can take a few months, so consider this before you start. The 25% fee is high, but certainly not unreasonable compared to other platforms.
Varsity Tutors
Money Info: Unless you’re tutoring GRE or LSATs, the flat rate is $15/hr, regardless of the subject. GRE and LSAT tutors make $28/hr. Varsity Tutors charges their students $50 - $75/hr.
Requirements: Most subjects do not require a test, however you do need to send in a video interview of yourself, mostly to confirm that you can speak eloquently.
The Pros:

• You are assigned students after declaring interest, so you can get started tutoring within a few days.
• Students are screened so you’ll mostly get students more prepared for lessons.

The Cons:

• A large amount of tutors will only make $15/hr, whereas they charge $50 - $75/hr per student. This can be a huge cut, and limit on pay, especially if you’re teaching harder subjects like programming, sciences, higher level math.
• The user interface is not as great. Basic functionality is there, but the overall platform is not aesthetic.
• You are legally not allowed to take students off the platform.

Final Verdict
Varsity Tutors definitely has the lowest pay amongst all the platforms. $15/hr to teach is what you can make at some retail jobs in the US. The platform can be better if you need to start making money immediately, or if you live in a country where the cost of living is lower. The amount you are paid is better for people who are teaching subjects that aren’t too difficult.
SuperProf
Money Info: You set your own rate, SuperProf takes 10%. The caveat, SuperProf charges students $39 a month to use the platform.
Pros:

• For tutors, SuperProf takes the least amount from your pay compared to other platforms.
• Students are generally more prepared because they are paying $39 a month to use the platform.
• The user interface is also pretty good.
• You can set your own cancellation policies

Cons:

• There are less students because of the monthly subscription fee.
• It’s very hard to get started as a new tutor. There are tons of tutors with a lot of reviews already.
• You have to teach your first two lessons free.

Final Verdict
SuperProf is very similar to Wyzant in that students and tutors can openly communicate and set up time with each other. The 10% fee is lower than the other platforms. But because it’s already hard to get started as a new tutor, and there are less students on the platform, it’s one of the harder platforms to build a student base.
Additional Notes
While all these platforms have their pros and cons. You can always consider tutoring independently. You do not need any licenses or business registration for tutoring in most places. Once you get a student base through Wyzant or SuperProf, you can take them off-platform and teach independently. The best part? You keep the money you work hard for.
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