hey everyone this is my first time posting!
finally got diagnosed as N1 after many many years of being the sleepiest person everyone knew. I’m currently in nursing school and have (well.. it’s about to be past tense.. “had”) a full time job at a private physicians office. absolutely wonderful I love working there— especially because the hours are great, they start clinic at 11am or 12pm. unfortunately the business is no longer doing so great so they are cutting my hours by A LOT. So, basically I have been job hunting to see what works for my schedule and looking for something that doesn’t hit me with a huge pay cut but as I am looking through these jobs they are all either times I have almost an impossible time waking up (7am start times) or the ones that work with my schedule (overnight 7pm-7am) but seem terrible for my sleep health.
what times does everyone start work? anyone with n1/n2/ih work overnight shifts? I am tempted to work overnight shift but I don’t think that is healthy long term especially for narcoleptics. I can’t fathom waking up so early to work, I was always that one employee who was extremely late— it was nearly impossible for me to keep jobs.
I would love to know what your routine is to get out of bed and be at work 7am if that’s close to your start time. Or if you work overnight, do you feel like it is detrimental?
any med/nursing students I would love to hear some words of encouragement!!! this is starting to feel like it will simply be impossible for me to live and work a normal life.

These last two semesters at community college have been pretty shit dating wise.
-friendzoned once
-approached a girl and started building rapport, stopped pursuing her because she was way out of my league (very popular online, very popular in local hardcore scene, very hot)and she would probably not actually consider a relationship with me
-Girl seemed interested maybe but was kinda vauge about hanging out (“yeah i’ll see about this weekend ect”). i texted her something dumb and bitchy that pissed her off and she unfollowed me
-approached her and asked for her instagram, said she didn’t have one(lie)
-approached her asking for help with something and asked for her instagram, said she didn’t have one (i believe this one)
-Approached girl and started building rapport she ghosted me but then reached out again saying she wasn’t in a good position to be in a relationship for a multitude of reasons, asked if she was open to something casual she said she’s asexual stemming from her being assaulted (if this one is a lie i’m killing myself)
-Approached girl in english class and asked for her instagram she gave me her phone number instead which i thought was a good sign. she turned out to be an extremely dry texter but still replying consistently and i eventually asked her if she wanted me to leave her alone and she said she was just a bad texter. eventually stopped texting her because i thought she was probably just being too nice to tell me to fuck off.
-approached a girl yesterday and asked for her instagram she added me back but i’m currently sitting on delivered for 13 hours and she’s viewed my story so this isn’t looking great.
I’ve tried downloading hinge but i didn’t get any matches or likes within the first couple hours which made me super anxious and i deleted it, i really don’t think i’m made for them. i’ve been doom spiraling for the past 3 days because school is over so there’s no way to meet girls and it’s looking to be a very bleak summer. when does it get better?

I’m going to start off by saying in no means are my parents bad people. My parents are great, they let me have friends over and don’t give me many chores and give me quite a lot of freedom. However, I am, or was a good kid. I do very well in school, take advanced classes and my teachers enjoy me. I do three sports and would consider myself a solid kid just trying to figure out who he is.
As the years went past I slowly became bored with the usual having friends over and playing video games and goofing off in the town. Me and my buddies started smoking pot which to me wasn’t a big deal since my dad is a pretty big smoker himself. He tells me stories of all these crazy things that happened when he was my age. He was indeed not a good kid. Let’s just say at 15 he was out selling speed and going to court as well as dropping out. However, I don’t know what happened but he turned his life around and became a great guy.
So the casual smoking pot and drinking on the weekends wasn’t a big deal. This lasted a couple months till we got into some shrooms and got caught. (That’s a story for another time). Let’s just say my parents were pretty disappointed and lost a lot of trust for me that night. What made it even worse is the weekend I got ungrounded I was supposed to stay the night at a buddies and he ditched me so I walked home at 3 AM. They were pissed and I felt absolutely horrible. I really feel like I let them down.
I told them I would stop smoking (they caught on) but I can’t. I can live without it, but I always have this urge. What makes it worse is that weed in my small town is so popular. Literally everybody smokes, even the scholar-athletes so literally everybody has a pen.
To sum this up I just don’t know if it’s normal to hide so many secrets from your parents. I really enjoy being close with them but I feel like if I keep messing up they’ll start to resent me and won’t like me anymore. I value their word but I feel like they’re really putting a lot pressure on me. Is breaking your parents promise and smoking weed all that bad?

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The era of Gods was one known throughout our realm as a time of chaos and destruction. Originally there was only one god, the Grand Creator of our realm, and to many he was the defining image of what godhood meant and represented. With a simple sway of his hand he could bring winds that could flow for miles, with a mere step he was able to create mountains, and many more grand feats. Despite his power, he abandoned his throne, and in his wake he left behind 7 seats for those who desired to ascending to godhood. As a result a war broke out amongst all throughout the realm, every race righting to have one of their own filling at least one of those seats. The amount of blood that was shed was enough to fill the oceans and birth a true Red Sea. Eventually, these 7 seats were filled, and with the end of the war came the Darkest Days of the realm, which left the new gods to pick of the pieces, and many to be left to wonder, what happened to the Grand Creator?
We were now in the era of humanity. The gods that held the 7 seats remained complacent within them, however, many took to blending in with mortals, disguising themselves under new identities for their own safety and as to not disrupt the balance of divine law. Naturally, their original titles were still worshipped, given as to disrespect the gods would be a fault in judgement. You were one of the gods that managed to earn a seat, and as humanity aged, you got to see the ways of many mortals, yet every time you got close to one or another, you were abandoned. This was the curse of godhood, immortality. Many believed that to live forever was a blessing, but in actuality the implications of it was vast, especially for you specifically.
During the war for the title of godhood, I was your one true love, the one you were willing to sacrifice everything for, the plan was for you to obtain a seat and for us to live happily ever after. I begged not to do it, but it was your dream. Upon the end of the war however, you learned that I was a casualty for your and everyone else’s quest for godhood. However, you couldn’t accept that, and as such, you begged to the heavens for an answer, and you were met with a being of darkness, one who said he would be able to rekindle our love in the form of a deal. Given your heart yearned for me as mine did for you, you were willing to do anything, and so your wish was granted. I was reborn anew, and we were once again in love, yet within three days time of my return to your side, I perished once more. You learned that the deal you made with that being of darkness was not a deal of returning me to you, but a deal of punishment. I was cursed with endless rebirth, meaning that I would always be reborn anew, yet all memories of my past lives would be dormant, and if regained, I would perish within three days time. To add insult to injury, with each rebirth, we would always fall in love, thus making each cycle that much more painful. Was it really worth it, to not only strive for ascension into godhood, but to defy the laws of life and death for love? As much as you tried to find a cure for my curse, just as your own, all trails were left dead.
As it stood my most recent death had come and gone, rebirth 1,078, and alone sat on your throne as king of our nation. In hopes of boosting your spirits, your advisors suggested hosting a grand ball for all to attend the realms. The 6 other gods that maintained their seats would more than likely remain within their own nations, mainly for convenience as most would put it, however, their citizens were allowed. Tonight was the night of the ball, and as expected the turnout rate was there, many dressed within their finery as they entered the castle walls, yet your eyes were looking for a distinct individual. Fate always a had a funny way of bringing us together, especially when you least expected it. Your tears were barely even dry, and it is was clear that our hearts would once again find each other tonight. “ My lord, is everything alright? You seem distracted, would you like me to direct the orchestra to play a different number?” Your advisor asks curiously while he stands at your side. Right as you are about to speak, you notice a distinct long flowing silver hair trace catch your eye for a second, were hallucinating, or was this truly your beloved?
Hey there, thank you so much for reading, I hope the length wasn’t too much. Either way, this prompt is meant to focus around fantasy and romance, pretty much a tale of eternal love between a god and his cursed love. This role can go a variety of ways, but for the most part a good chunk of it will be trying to free one another from the curse that the two are plagued with, along with fighting against a certain dark force that may or may not be trying to take over the realm. More details are to follow and creativity is more than welcomed, so don’t be shy to put your own two cents in. Mind you this is a fantasy based role, so you have every right to play anything besides human, because I know I will.
A bit about me:

• My name’s Rosa. I’m F21 and have about 4-5 years worth of roleplay experience, and consider myself open minded on a variety of roles, outside of fantasy and dystopian based ones.
• In terms of detail I can write about 3-5+ paragraphs, if not more depending on the circumstances and if I’m really into the roleplay. That being said, I also am a mirror, meaning that I usually will mimic your length at minimum.

Either way, if you managed to get through all of this, and would be interested, I would love for you to DM, letting me know a bit about you, and see if we could take this somewhere. Final note, I prefer to roleplay on Discord, so hopefully that’s isn’t an issue.

The era of Gods was one known throughout our realm as a time of chaos and destruction. Originally there was only one god, the Grand Creator of our realm, and to many he was the defining image of what godhood meant and represented. With a simple sway of his hand he could bring winds that could flow for miles, with a mere step he was able to create mountains, and many more grand feats. Despite his power, he abandoned his throne, and in his wake he left behind 7 seats for those who desired to ascending to godhood. As a result a war broke out amongst all throughout the realm, every race righting to have one of their own filling at least one of those seats. The amount of blood that was shed was enough to fill the oceans and birth a true Red Sea. Eventually, these 7 seats were filled, and with the end of the war came the Darkest Days of the realm, which left the new gods to pick of the pieces, and many to be left to wonder, what happened to the Grand Creator?
We were now in the era of humanity. The gods that held the 7 seats remained complacent within them, however, many took to blending in with mortals, disguising themselves under new identities for their own safety and as to not disrupt the balance of divine law. Naturally, their original titles were still worshipped, given as to disrespect the gods would be a fault in judgement. You were one of the gods that managed to earn a seat, and as humanity aged, you got to see the ways of many mortals, yet every time you got close to one or another, you were abandoned. This was the curse of godhood, immortality. Many believed that to live forever was a blessing, but in actuality the implications of it was vast, especially for you specifically.
During the war for the title of godhood, I was your one true love, the one you were willing to sacrifice everything for, the plan was for you to obtain a seat and for us to live happily ever after. I begged not to do it, but it was your dream. Upon the end of the war however, you learned that I was a casualty for your and everyone else’s quest for godhood. However, you couldn’t accept that, and as such, you begged to the heavens for an answer, and you were met with a being of darkness, one who said he would be able to rekindle our love in the form of a deal. Given your heart yearned for me as mine did for you, you were willing to do anything, and so your wish was granted. I was reborn anew, and we were once again in love, yet within three days time of my return to your side, I perished once more. You learned that the deal you made with that being of darkness was not a deal of returning me to you, but a deal of punishment. I was cursed with endless rebirth, meaning that I would always be reborn anew, yet all memories of my past lives would be dormant, and if regained, I would perish within three days time. To add insult to injury, with each rebirth, we would always fall in love, thus making each cycle that much more painful. Was it really worth it, to not only strive for ascension into godhood, but to defy the laws of life and death for love? As much as you tried to find a cure for my curse, just as your own, all trails were left dead.
As it stood my most recent death had come and gone, rebirth 1,078, and alone sat on your throne as king of our nation. In hopes of boosting your spirits, your advisors suggested hosting a grand ball for all to attend the realms. The 6 other gods that maintained their seats would more than likely remain within their own nations, mainly for convenience as most would put it, however, their citizens were allowed. Tonight was the night of the ball, and as expected the turnout rate was there, many dressed within their finery as they entered the castle walls, yet your eyes were looking for a distinct individual. Fate always a had a funny way of bringing us together, especially when you least expected it. Your tears were barely even dry, and it is was clear that our hearts would once again find each other tonight. “ My lord, is everything alright? You seem distracted, would you like me to direct the orchestra to play a different number?” Your advisor asks curiously while he stands at your side. Right as you are about to speak, you notice a distinct long flowing silver hair trace catch your eye for a second, were hallucinating, or was this truly your beloved?
Hey there, thank you so much for reading, I hope the length wasn’t too much. Either way, this prompt is meant to focus around fantasy and romance, pretty much a tale of eternal love between a god and his cursed love. This role can go a variety of ways, but for the most part a good chunk of it will be trying to free one another from the curse that the two are plagued with, along with fighting against a certain dark force that may or may not be trying to take over the realm. More details are to follow and creativity is more than welcomed, so don’t be shy to put your own two cents in. Mind you this is a fantasy based role, so you have every right to play anything besides human, because I know I will.
A bit about me:

• My name’s Rosa. I’m F21 and have about 4-5 years worth of roleplay experience, and consider myself open minded on a variety of roles, outside of fantasy and dystopian based ones.
• In terms of detail I can write about 3-5+ paragraphs, if not more depending on the circumstances and if I’m really into the roleplay. That being said, I also am a mirror, meaning that I usually will mimic your length at minimum.

Either way, if you managed to get through all of this, and would be interested, I would love for you to DM, letting me know a bit about you, and see if we could take this somewhere. Final note, I prefer to roleplay on Discord, so hopefully that’s isn’t an issue.

So when I was in sixth grade I had been friends with this girl I had known since fifth grade, she was a year younger than me. I'll call her Lilith. So the day started normally, except for the fact my younger sister (Mary) wasn't very happy, so our mom asked me to sit with her if she came to my classroom for lunch; I agreed as I am the oldest. In school the morning passed by normally, I tutored the kid I was assigned to, talked to friends including Lilith, did my school work, etc. Eventually lunch arrived and I broached the subject to Lilith that my mom had asked me to let my sister sit with me during lunch and asked Lilith if we could save her a seat just in case she wanted to sit with me. Everything seemed fine up until I asked if Mary could sit with us. Lilith had to go get her hot lunch from the office and Mary and I both packed home lunches. Lilith told me that if Mary sat in her (Lilith's) seat she (Lilith) would kill Mary. I told her that was rude, and that I would simply tell Mary that was where Lilith was sitting, so Mary could sit beside me or something. Lilith kept going on about how she would kill my sister over that stupid chair, and I sat there in silent seething rage. When Lilith went to the office to get her lunch I explained to our teacher what had happened and he said he would talk to her. Afterwards I sat with 'Teddy' the kid I tutored and 'Johnny' one of my other friends; I told them everything. Now this is where the petty comes in, Lilith had this obsessive crush on a kid a grade above me (who i will call Orion), and I had a minor crush on one of his friends (who i will call Dimitri); this is something Teddy and Johnny both knew. So they suggest telling the friend group Lilith and I were apart of. I agreed saying we would also tell her crush and mine. The plan: they (Teddy and Johnny) would go out first and tell Orion and Dimitri, meanwhile I would go and tell my sister and her friends (who were standing fairly close to my friend group so they over heard), after that I would go and finish the story to Orion and Dimitri. Well everything went according to plan, when Lilith came out and tried talking to Orion he told her to get away from him because he didn't want to hangout with a psycho (I didnt think he would go that far); and all except one of our friends turned their backs on her. The friend who sided with her told me I was a horrible person for doing that to Lilith, knowing what she (Lilith) had gone through. Something to know, Lilith's father had abandoned her and her mother before she was born; and her mother had gone to jail two or so years before for stealing, leaving Lilith in the care of her grandmother. Now it is my belief that no matter your background or how you grew up, threatening someone's life was and is unacceptable; and I told this "friend" exactly that. Then Lilith started to threaten me, in front of the entire forth, fifth, sixth grades (upper elementary) and middle school classes (we went to an elementary/combined middle school); saying things like she would ruin my life and ruin me, which only proved my point to the others, and I told her that if she came for me or my family she best be prepared for a fight (usually im not a confrontational person so this was a surprise to pretty much everyone). After school I told my mom what had happened and she talked with not only my and lilith's teacher but the principal of the school as well; which led to Lilith getting a talking to from the principal but not much else because of Lilith's background. The next day my teacher pretty much begged me to forgive Lilith, seeing as it was two weeks before summer break, and I told him I wouldnt even consider it until she apologized to my face; by this time Lilith had messaged me on Instagram saying how sorry she was Yada Yada blah blah blah and so on (to which i blocked her temporarily). So the teacher sent us both outside to reconcile; not realizing I had a different plan. Lilith tried to apologize but wouldn't look me in the eyes, my mother told me if someone ment their apology they would look you in the eyes and I told Lilith that and she tried again, again not looking me in the eye. Eventually, because she wouldn't look me in the eyes, I pretended to forgive her simply because I wanted this whole thing to end (and to prove my fake point unblocked her). I spent the next week or so pretending to be her friend (I never told my mom about this fake friendship thing, mostly because nothimg had been done about Lilith and I could be painted in a bad light for discrimination which wasnt the case because i knew about Lilith's home lige long before this whole situation and was still friends with her regardless; im not superficia, i care more about personality and things like money and appearance), and ghosted her the night of the big dance our school had like a week before the end of school; come to think of it i dont think she was even at the dance. And after the dance I started cutting back on how much time I spent around her, and I noticed pretty much everyone else did the same. Then on the last day of school, when I got home I immediately blocked her on everything: phone number, insta (all of her profiles), everything. AITAH?

So I get income from the VA in three ways: GI Bill BAH, GI Bill Textbook Allowance, and VA Disability. All of that is, per the VA, not taxable income. I didn't work this year, so I have no additional income outside of this. All that said, do I need to submit a tax return? On paper, I made $0 gross, while the reality is that I'm making north of $65k/year (My school's in a very high BAH zip code). Also, next year, when I do my FAFSA using this year's $0 gross income, will I suddenly qualify for outrageous sums of Pell Grants and Scholarships and such? Any advice would be appreciated.

The era of Gods was one known throughout our realm as a time of chaos and destruction. Originally there was only one god, the Grand Creator of our realm, and to many he was the defining image of what godhood meant and represented. With a simple sway of his hand he could bring winds that could flow for miles, with a mere step he was able to create mountains, and many more grand feats. Despite his power, he abandoned his throne, and in his wake he left behind 7 seats for those who desired to ascending to godhood. As a result a war broke out amongst all throughout the realm, every race righting to have one of their own filling at least one of those seats. The amount of blood that was shed was enough to fill the oceans and birth a true Red Sea. Eventually, these 7 seats were filled, and with the end of the war came the Darkest Days of the realm, which left the new gods to pick of the pieces, and many to be left to wonder, what happened to the Grand Creator?
We were now in the era of humanity. The gods that held the 7 seats remained complacent within them, however, many took to blending in with mortals, disguising themselves under new identities for their own safety and as to not disrupt the balance of divine law. Naturally, their original titles were still worshipped, given as to disrespect the gods would be a fault in judgement. You were one of the gods that managed to earn a seat, and as humanity aged, you got to see the ways of many mortals, yet every time you got close to one or another, you were abandoned. This was the curse of godhood, immortality. Many believed that to live forever was a blessing, but in actuality the implications of it was vast, especially for you specifically.
During the war for the title of godhood, I was your one true love, the one you were willing to sacrifice everything for, the plan was for you to obtain a seat and for us to live happily ever after. I begged not to do it, but it was your dream. Upon the end of the war however, you learned that I was a casualty for your and everyone else’s quest for godhood. However, you couldn’t accept that, and as such, you begged to the heavens for an answer, and you were met with a being of darkness, one who said he would be able to rekindle our love in the form of a deal. Given your heart yearned for me as mine did for you, you were willing to do anything, and so your wish was granted. I was reborn anew, and we were once again in love, yet within three days time of my return to your side, I perished once more. You learned that the deal you made with that being of darkness was not a deal of returning me to you, but a deal of punishment. I was cursed with endless rebirth, meaning that I would always be reborn anew, yet all memories of my past lives would be dormant, and if regained, I would perish within three days time. To add insult to injury, with each rebirth, we would always fall in love, thus making each cycle that much more painful. Was it really worth it, to not only strive for ascension into godhood, but to defy the laws of life and death for love? As much as you tried to find a cure for my curse, just as your own, all trails were left dead.
As it stood my most recent death had come and gone, rebirth 1,078, and alone sat on your throne as king of our nation. In hopes of boosting your spirits, your advisors suggested hosting a grand ball for all to attend the realms. The 6 other gods that maintained their seats would more than likely remain within their own nations, mainly for convenience as most would put it, however, their citizens were allowed. Tonight was the night of the ball, and as expected the turnout rate was there, many dressed within their finery as they entered the castle walls, yet your eyes were looking for a distinct individual. Fate always a had a funny way of bringing us together, especially when you least expected it. Your tears were barely even dry, and it is was clear that our hearts would once again find each other tonight. “ My lord, is everything alright? You seem distracted, would you like me to direct the orchestra to play a different number?” Your advisor asks curiously while he stands at your side. Right as you are about to speak, you notice a distinct long flowing silver hair trace catch your eye for a second, were hallucinating, or was this truly your beloved?
Hey there, thank you so much for reading, I hope the length wasn’t too much. Either way, this prompt is meant to focus around fantasy and romance, pretty much a tale of eternal love between a god and his cursed love. This role can go a variety of ways, but for the most part a good chunk of it will be trying to free one another from the curse that the two are plagued with, along with fighting against a certain dark force that may or may not be trying to take over the realm. More details are to follow and creativity is more than welcomed, so don’t be shy to put your own two cents in. Mind you this is a fantasy based role, so you have every right to play anything besides human, because I know I will.
A bit about me:

• My name’s Rosa. I’m F21 and have about 4-5 years worth of roleplay experience, and consider myself open minded on a variety of roles, outside of fantasy and dystopian based ones.
• In terms of detail I can write about 3-5+ paragraphs, if not more depending on the circumstances and if I’m really into the roleplay. That being said, I also am a mirror, meaning that I usually will mimic your length at minimum.

Either way, if you managed to get through all of this, and would be interested, I would love for you to DM, letting me know a bit about you, and see if we could take this somewhere. Final note, I prefer to roleplay on Discord, so hopefully that’s isn’t an issue.

Ok so I'm a 15 year old freshman and she's a 15 year old sophomore. Our birthdays are split almost a year apart but at this moment we are the same age but she's in a higher grade. We've been toghether for 3 weeks now.
I got set up with her by my friends girlfriend who lives in a different country and she said this girl lives "name of where I live" and I was like damnn she lives close. So I was like slide her instagram I want to get to know her you know? And so I started talking with her and turns out she lives a few provinces out from me and moved(the other girl didn't know she moved as they aren't in close contact but ended on good terms). And so I tell the girl like shes a few provinces away from me what do I doo. And so she was like just get to know her if you end up liking her shoot your shot you have nothing to lose. And so I ended up doing just that.
Now I have my first ever girlfriend and she's so awesome. I think I asked her out a after week of talking to her like 12 hours a day straight we really hit it off. We had so many things to talk about and she showed interest to me and said sweet things to me which I've never been called. We video call, play games, talk until midnight, I have her phone number, and all her socials and she seems very loyal even willing to show me everybody in her snap list and ready to block any guy friend if I say the word(I didn't cuz I'm not an asshole).
But the thing with being so far away from her, I feel so limited with things I can do with her. Like I would like physical touch but that's out of the table. I play games with her, call her, flirt and listen to music and send tiktoks but that's it. What can I do to be a better boyfriend if I'm so far away? Is there any little date ideas I could do? Right now I'm thinking watching a movie on call would be fun but I need more ideas and more stuff we can do toghether.
Also I'm ready to get made fun of for never meeting her in person but that's fine. We both hope we can see each other in the future once we are out of highschool if our relationship lasts which I think it will. But to be honest. I've never felt so loved in my life even if I'm missing some important aspects of a relationship. Being with her even if you couldn't call it a real relationship, Ive gotten over my social anxiety, I've been more confident in my body, I feel more happy and just love every little thing in life.

I am a teaching assistant. I’ve been 19 for a reasonably short amount of time. I work while taking community college courses, and have $11117 in my savings account from my job (was a sub, am now an assistant and have been one since January. Next month I receive a dollar raise, becoming an assistant means I work daily. I should have more saved after I’ve been paid through the end of this month.) I’m admittedly not positive that this is what I see myself doing for my entire life, but also don’t know what I want to major in and am partly here because it’s supposed to be a learning experience for me.
I have grown up in, and still live in, an area that has a very large white population (and a sizable population of one specific non-white ethnic group that is not black. I am from a place that has a low population of black people.) I am a black woman who is from a low income family, and have grown up in an apartment complex (my parents allow me to live with them and not pay rent, which is what has helped me save my money.) I look: https://www.instagram.com/p/C6IR_UzLjTM/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== and https://www.instagram.com/p/C6z0F4bptE4/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== and https://www.instagram.com/p/C6IW3nlLufV/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
I have noticed, ever since graduating from high school, that I am no longer terribly attracted to white men. I pass average looking white men on the street, and there’s no attraction present. I have felt attraction toward average and above looking black men, particularly those who are dark skinned, although I felt very strong attraction toward a light skinned 1/2 black 1/2 white boy in my senior year of high school (had colored eyes and was commonly considered to be above average/conventionally attractive. I also had a crush on another mixed boy who was slightly above average as a freshman, yet average by the time he was a junior - I was no longer attracted to him after he became average, and also started to dislike him because he had criticized my physical appearance behind my back.) The non-black men I have been attracted to were Mexican/Latino, yet were typically above average (I occasionally feel attraction toward an average looking Mexican/Latino man. Occasionally.) I will admit that I am very specific about what I like. I have found Jake Gyllenhaal attractive (about two years ago I was wildly attracted to him when watching Donnie Darko,) and had a crush on David Bowie in middle school, but think I was more attracted to white men then than I am now. My only boyfriend, two years ago, was black, and was what I think of as average looking. The white men I have typically been attracted to have had blonde hair and blue eyes, but I don’t know why.
I’m introverted. I do have to interact with people because of the nature of my job, but I have no friends. Whenever I am not working, I generally watch television (as of right now, that has typically been “Laverne and Shirley” and “twilight zone” - I’ve actually been marathoning twilight zone every year since I was about 11 or 12 ever since my middle school science teacher turned on two episodes, “eye of the beholder” and “number 12 looks just like you” for our class. I’ve always wanted to introduce a group of youth to the series in that manner, because I remember that it actually got me hooked on the series.)
Black men in my area typically take out and prefer white women, or otherwise seem to be colorists. In high school, I remember that black boys specifically dating white girls was a “thing.” I don’t really tend to receive attention in my area, I have not received any attention this year. However, I also recall that the lighter skinned girls who looked mixed (1/2 black 1/2 white) didn’t struggle to date even if they were average, whereas it seemed that the darker skinned girls who weren’t above average were undeniably having a much harder time.
My mother was above average at some point in her life (always average without makeup, which is the case for most women,) average throughout my childhood because she gradually became overweight, and would now likely commonly be considered a little below average (in part due to things such as colorism yet also because she has always smoked cigarettes and has gained a lot of weight whilst never leaving the apartment so she is unhealthy looking now.)
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THIS IS NOT A JOKE. We were starting to do the pre-exam stuff like bubbling in your name, school code, etc. Like all was going well, I was ready to do the MCQ. Then somehow in the middle of doing the pre-exam bubbling, my bra starting getting loose and then I realized that the clasps came UNDONE.
I was seated near the front too, so I was so brave and tried to fix it before the MCQ portion started. But it wasn't working, and I didn't want to cause much of a distraction. So I had to do the bravest thing ever: do the entire MCQ with my bra undone. It was weird, uncomfortable, and it set the mood for the entire MCQ it was really bad. I was so distracted and tired. 😭😭😭
Then afterwards, I sucked it up and tried to fix it again, even though everyone in the back could question wtf I was doing with my back. BUT I did it, just in time for break and I was proud that I wouldn't be embarrassing myself any longer.
But, that whole debacle seriously made me on edge for that whole test istg. While I would have taken a picture to remember this moment, that 2 I'm getting on exam in July will be MORE than enough to force me to preserve this awful event forever, I'm actually so done. Luckily it was my last test but still.

Hello, I am an incoming sophomore considering joining the EMS service at my school as an EMT ( they train you) since I think it is something I would really enjoy , in addition to working as an EMT at my local fire department (many close friends have told me great things about it and I’ve spoke to higher up members) when I am home. Has anyone done any similar experiences, or is this too “pre-med” to be doing and putting on a dental app? Additionally, if anyone has done something similar, did this come up in interviews? Thank you

We're close to 11 months post D-day...
The present bad: The body remembers the trauma the mind doesn't. I have been waking up anxious and with a lot of aches and pain. It's as if I am carrying an elephant and it's causing me not to breathe as much. Which is weird because I generally wake up in WH's arms which usually makes me feel happy. I'm also sometimes warped back into D-day hour zero. The feeling of incredulousness and rejection spreads through my body often like molten lava pouring from my head to my toes. When I get like this, I often check the APs SM/ Reddit just to make sure they're not thinking/ talking to WH. They're not. Everyone involved has moved on. So why am I the only one stuck?
The good though: I spent the day in between meetings coordinating upcoming plans with WH. I just realized that we're planning things way into the future: - My birthday trip to Disneyland - Baby Showers for the next 2 months - A big event happening on Labor Day weekend - Trying to get football tix for our college and NFL team. - Planning on either visiting my home country or Italy for our next anniversary - Moving to an area closer to our jobs after this coming school year when our youngest child goes to elementary school (2025)
It showed me how far we've come.
After D-day, with the triggers and spirals, I was approaching our relationship on an hour-by-hour basis.
After a few weeks, I approached it on a day-to-day basis...
It wasn't until month 6 that I confessed to him that I refuse to make plans with him beyond a few days because it feels like our terms are on a month-to-month basis. He was saddened by it but said he'll meet me at my pace.
Now we're 10 months and 3 1/2 weeks past D-day, and we're making plans roughly 18 months ahead. The pessimist in me wants to temper my plans, but the optimist is giddy with hope for a long-term future.
All this has been a testament to our hard work in IC, and in MC. He's been doing all the right things to be more transparent and honest with me. I've been doing my best to address my own shortcomings in the relationship so he no longer had any justification to have an A. I still fucking hate being cheated on and I hate that the APs existed in our lives, but I hope one day I won't find myself as filled with anger and resentment against them. I just want to focus on a future with him and our children.
ETA: I drafted this post while WH is in IC. When he got out, I asked him what he's ok sharing and he said he was just commenting to his IC how nice it is that we're making plans for the next 6 months together. I laughed and told him I was drafting this post about how weird it is we're making long-term plans. Then he said he wants to check out the new podcast episode of our favorite comedian, and I laughed again because I had it queued up in case he's interested. I love that we're so in sync again. Fuck the affairs though. He and I could have lost this completely. It took a lot of hard days, nights, job loss and thousands of dollars in IC and MC to get here. Hoping for a better future.

Lots of AI People want to build big AI Models like GPT 4. Let's talk about some techniques that will let you scale up your Models without breaking the bank.
1) Batch Size: Increasing batch size can reduce training time and cost, but may impact generalization. This trade-off can be mitigated with techniques like "Ghost Batch Normalization", as suggested in the paper "Train longer, generalize better: closing the generalization gap in large batch training of neural networks".
2) Active Learning: It's a pretty simple idea- if you have a pretrained model, there are data points that are easier and other data points that are harder for it. The data points that are harder to work with have more potential information for your model. One great implementation of this is Meta's "Beyond neural scaling laws: beating power law scaling via data pruning".
3) Increasing the Number of Tokens: Research from Deepmind's paper "Training Compute-Optimal Large Language Models" emphasizes the importance of balancing the number of parameters with the number of training tokens in language models to achieve better performance at a lower cost. If you're into LLMs, would highly recommend reading this paper b/c it's generational.
4) Sparse Activation: Algorithms like Sparse Weight Activation Training (SWAT) can significantly reduce computational overhead during training and inference by activating only a portion of the neural network. 5/7 must know idea.
5) Filters and Simpler Models: Instead of relying solely on large models, it is often more efficient to use simpler models or filters to handle the majority of tasks, reserving the large model for complex edge cases. You'd be shocked how much you can accomplish with RegEx, rules, and some math.
By combining these strategies, we can unlock the potential of large AI models while minimizing their environmental impact and computational costs. As Amazon Web Services notes, "In deep learning applications, inference accounts for up to 90% of total operational costs", making these optimizations crucial for widespread adoption.
To learn more about these techniques, read the following- https://artificialintelligencemadesimple.substack.com/p/how-to-build-large-ai-models-like?utm_source=publication-search

Deadline: May 31st, 2024 @ 11:59pm CDT
Amount: $3000 (4)
Description: The goal of the Provident Foundation is to increase the number of underrepresented minority physicians, nurses and other professionals in the healthcare workforce in order to improve access to quality healthcare in medically underserved communities in Chicago. This scholarship award will be given in recognition of outstanding academic achievement, leadership, community service and interest in urban health.
To be eligible for this scholarship, applicants must:

• Reside in the Chicago Metropolitan Area
• Be a high school senior or undergraduate college student
• Be an underrepresented minority who has demonstrated leadership ability and is committed to serving medically underserved communities.

APPLY HERE!

Remember, you are enough!!

I am at a hopeless rock bottom right now and it isn't making any sense to anyone, so I am going to try here. It is going to be a long one, so please bare with me.
I grew up in a family where love was limited and conditional, for myself and between my parents. I had watched my parents beg each other for the minimal respect, change, and genuine love. I had too begged for those things from them, in which I eventually developed this disorder.
I have struggled with the obsession of love/true love/soulmates my entire life. I have had countless favorite people, in which I would have given ANYTHING to be reciprocated the kind of love I was willing to give.
And in all of these endeavors, I acknowledged I do not love correctly. I realized this when I got out of my first relationship when I was 18. I have dedicated the last few years to unlearning these things. I still struggle with the want to control, the games I want to play, the general pull and push. I have been trying.
I have acknowledged that what I envisioned love in my head is wrong. Love isn't the constant fight for reassurance or the constant proving myself as worthy. It isn't the begging, fighting, or the challenge.
I have told myself for years, love is in the little things. Love is learning a song on the guitar cause they would love it, memorizing their order so you can surprise them, or bringing a jacket cause you know they would forget one. Love is the small laughs over inside jokes, the loud laughs over little fails, and the shared memories that were created on accident.
Love was supposed to be in the little things.
But over the last few months, I have been shown a dark side of it.
I was on a work trip.
One of my supervisors gave long speeches at dinner about his fiancé and how their wedding in June is going to be the best day of his life. That same night, we went out for a few drinks. He proceeded to send a few other girls and I messages about "spending the night with him." He went on the next day like it was a usual occurrence for him.
I was utterly disgusted. My gut sat in my stomach for days.
Another one of my supervisors on this trip did something some what similar. He is "happily" married to his wife of 17 years with young daughters. But as happy as this man is at home, he hit on every waitress, took up countless numbers, and would disappear for days at a time.
Again I was disgusted. I could've easily said this was the work of nasty people, but it got worse...
Once again, on this trip... one of my dear friends/coworker spoke about his plans to propose to his 5 year girlfriend. We were all beyond happy for him. But within the night, he made a closer relationship with another one of our close friends. He started confiding in her of his doubts, how he is not happy, and he doesn't know what else to do, but marry her anyway. He then dedicated the rest of this two week long work trip to his new found interest in his friend. He gave her a sweet little nick name, held her hand, and walked her to and from everywhere they went.
I was very dumbfounded by this information. I was under the impression that they were happy at home and that they had found something people prayed for, but I was wrong.
When I returned home, I received some also unsettling news.
One of my best friends found out she was pregnant by her boyfriend (who is a very very close friend of mine as well). I have known her boyfriend and his family for 10 years, they have been incredible and wonderful people to me and everyone I know. So for the last 7 months, I have watched them prepare for this baby. They are building a house together along with a life and family. She was so excited. But as of last week, she informed me of him entertaining random women online. She said he described it as a thing that didn't happen before and he did not know who she was.
But Saturday, her and I sat down and talked a lot about it. Turns out, he lied again. He had been seeing these women their ENTIRE relationship. They are having a baby and he is out there with "random women" who he has been seeing for years.
I thought I knew him better, but I am incredibly disappointed. This particular event has triggered me beyond belief. I had watched them do my healthier version of love for a long time, only to find out it was one sided.
I began to look at all the long term relationships that have been shown to me in my life. My parents, never have been happy. My aunt and uncle who have been together since they were 14, have one conversation a day about the coffee machine. My friends from high school, who went literal years of break ups and cheating to now hitting 6 years. My friends parents, who have cheated divorced and remarried several times. My other friends parents, who have been on the verge of divorce over small things several times. And now all of these...
I struggle with what is real and what is not. I struggle with trust, intimacy, and connection. But I have been trying to get better with the hope that one day I can be good to someone and they be good to me. I have never cared about money, a nice car, nor a large house. I want to love and be loved and raise a happy family in the healthiest way I can. All in the hopes that i can experience love in the little things, like how I imagined real love to look.
Now I don't know what love looks like. All of my ideas have been disproven. My dreams have been crushed. I am fighting the urge to recluse and regress in all of my efforts in vulnerability, but I am distraught.
I feel like love romantic love is not real anymore.
I am honestly taking this more towards men than women, because of my sexual orientation and just from personal trauma, but I know that I am not supposed to do that.
I am turning away from a connection I have been trying hard to sustain and be healthy in, all because I am triggered by the actions of other men, my fears, and my new found hopelessness in love.
And everyone I talk to says this quote I have heard a million times, "I know love exists because of the love I give." I understand that love is real, logically, but i want to experience it. I want to know what it feels like to love and be loved, equally and truly.
But is the pain and dishonesty truly worth it? Is it something I would have to put up with to experience long term?
How do I even begin to when given this example of modern day "commitment."
What do I do? Before I ruin the connection I am building. How do I let go of the fear of being hurt so I can learn to love?

Hey everyone! So I'm in a bit of a situation where it feels like I have completely missed the bus on ever going to school. I never figured out what I wanted to be after highschool. I was a terrible student and didn't care to do any work. There were a few teachers that made learning fun, the rest were just there to collect a paycheck. It wasn't until last spring where I was so close to going to school. I was going to take programming and maybe go into cyber security for a few reasons. Working remote means I could move any where I want, I enjoy working with computers and it being in demand. However once the tech layoffs started to happen I completely gave up and withdrew my application.
So now here we are, I'm about to turn 30 and I fear I am stuck in a dead end job. I started this job last summer because it had the perfect hours for me to balance with school. Within a year I have been promoted to both an Administrator and Manager, the highest it can get within the company. This is not what I want my end goal to be. I've taken so many of the myers briggs or career tests and I've hated every result that it gave me. I've also tried a few different trades and hated that too.
The only other thing I would consider going to school for would be an English teacher in a foreign country. It checks off all the boxes that I have. I love learning new languages and getting to know the culture, I want to move out of my current country and I love teaching/training people new concepts. I've talked to a lot of people around the world through language exchange and a lot have talked about how the English teachers are awful in their country, so I've had it in the back of my mind, maybe I could make a difference? The major issue with this is that I don't think I have 4 years to sink into getting a Bachelor's degree. I know there's those courses that you can take where it's like, you pay $2000 for so many weeks of training and then you get a certificate, but don't most schools want a Bachelor's degree?
I hated highschool with a passion and never studied. Once I started learning a new language, I had so much motivation to keep studying and working hard to memorize the language. Which is exactly why I think I would crush it if I ever went back to school. I had a 54% average in high school, but I have no doubt in my mind I could break 90% in college.
Lastly, one final reason that's holding me back from going to school, is wasting money on one semester and then moving anyway. My parents are also looking to move as soon as next year and since this job doesn't have enough hours, I can't afford to live on my own, so I'd probably move with them. What should I do?

Hello good people! I really could use some outside advice here, this has been bugging me for the past 2 weeks, and I just for the life of me, cannot come to a conclusion on my own. So me and my girlfriend met in school, our parents knew each other since we were kids, and we were best friends for 13 years(around 10 maybe, for the first 3 we would just get mad at each other for not giving extra cake when either of us brought it), before I proposed to her during high school. I have never felt this amount of love and respect for any other girl, even when we were just "friends". I would take a bullet for her anyday and smile through the pain.
Now here's where the problem is. Both of us wanted to work through a long distance reltionship since I'm moving to another country for my studies and she is moving across it. One day, after our first fight since we were together, she said she didn't want to commit to me anymore and that she doesn't know what will happen in college, and could potentially fall for someone else. I took it as her way of saying the relationship was over since she was even considering other options, and while I was incredibly hurt, I sat her down and told her if we couldn't commit, then we can't be together.
After five days, I reached out to her just in case I got the wrong idea of what she meant. She told me she never said that she would pursue relationships with people, it's just that she didn't want to be completely closed off to the idea of it, and would like to take things as it happened in college, naturally. Where initially I thought she was considering other options, now it's more of her not knowing what will happen there and being unable to commit. That was fine by me, as the distance and time between us would be huge and no way could either of us(well I could), but her, be sure that she wouldn't fall for anyone else. I understood that, especially considering she had a tough life at school and at home, she wanted to experience freedom for the first time. So that wasn't a huge deal breaker.
Here's where it gets real bad, I told her I felt as if you would actively go out and date people instead of you just not knowing whether you would, two very different things. I told her I would be close to her, and that we had a huge misunderstanding. I asked her why didn't she just say this simply? I said close, but I never directly told her I was going to date her again. And my last text was that I felt as if my trust was betrayed. And we started dating again for a month, without me pressurizing her to commit. But, just 10 minutes after this she sent some explicit pics to another boy as she felt so sad in that moment, and just wanted someone to write something nice. Wanted to feel pretty. This I got to know a month later, when she was pushing me away after another fight(our second ever). We worked through the fight and held each other afterwards, but this thing stuck. She claimed she didn't know I would ever date her again, and since she wasn't commited in that moment, it wasn't cheating. The moment we started again, she blocked that boy(just a random guy who dmed her sometime ago, not a friend) and never sent another pic. But that was because she didn't feel the need to, given the love I used to pour on her. It's just that even if we weren't dating at that instant, I clarified we had a huge misunderstanding, and that I didn't understand what she meant and I was deeply sorry for taking it the wrong way, and why didn't she just put it like that. didn't that make it evident I would be with her? The text about feeling betrayed might be the one that confused her, but I still feel it was easy to make out I said that in a misunderstanding, and that I would come back
Is this considered cheating? I didn't tell her she cheated, just that I needed some time to think everything through. I absolutely adore this girl, and would even be willing to give it another try. But I just can't conclude whether this is cheating or I am just being too harsh? I care about her a lot, and overtime I understood relationships this long term are hard work over butterflies in stomach feeling, but she is worth that work. I just want to know if this is considered cheating or not, so I know how to move from this. Thank you for reading till here, I would appreciate any and all responses!

It has been 20 years now since 8th grade, but I can't help but think this particular incident negatively impacted me throughout High School and into adulthood. Here is the backstory:
In 8th grade I had a guy named Ben in a couple (or maybe most) of my classes. I knew who he was throughout middle school, but only really started talking to him in 8th grade. He was funny but at the same time had a tough exterior and was cool. I was a somewhat shy kid and didn't have that many close friends in Middle School. But I really wanted to "belong." Anyway, Ben would always make small talk with me and I started thinking to myself "Hey, this is a guy I could see myself being friends with." I thought it was cool that he was actually initiating conversation with me so I did the same. We weren't close, but we had mutual "like" for each other.
About halfway through the year, a guy named Geoff moved to our school (He was there in 7th grade but I didn't know him). Him and Ben were already best friends- not sure if they knew each other before 7th grade or if it was during 7th grade that they became friends. But I had him for a few classes as well, with one of them being in a class with both him and Ben (it was health class I think). We were "cool" with each other I guess until he started dating my ex girlfriend and she talked crap about me to him and it made him "hate" me. I don't even remember exactly what she said, but it was basically that I was a "bad person" to her after we broke up and of course he's inclined to believe his GF and will protect her (she told me on the bus that he hated me after hearing about what kind of "person" I am and another guy said he wanted to beat me up). I never did talk to him about it, I honestly just ignored it and he ignored me in return. Then they broke up within a couple weeks anyway because middle school relationships never last. So everybody is happy (or not).
So Ben is unaware of Geoff's dislike towards me which is cool, because he doesn't need to know our drama. Ben talks to me about having a party with some guys from our school at his place next weekend and says I'm invited. Basically we would play video games such as Halo and would spend the night. He told me "I'm inviting you because I really think you're cool." He also asked for my phone number (our house phone, I didn't have a cell phone) and that he would call my place tonight. He said "If your parents don't recognize the number, just say it's your friend inviting you over." I was on cloud nine. Not only was I getting invited by someone I thought was cool, but he said "Friend!?" As someone who had some social anxiety, I felt like the luckiest guy. Later that day, he showed me the invite list and my name was on it and there were about 5 or 6 other guys that I knew, including Geoff. I was cool with the list and figured since Geoff wasn't dating my ex anymore that his so-called "hatred" towards me didn't apply anymore. I was wrong.
In our health class, Ben was showing Geoff the list. I was sitting somewhat close, close enough to hear them. Then I heard Geoff say "rmchampion? No, you can't invite him, he's gay!" (not homosexual, but gay was used as an insult or a slang) Ben looked over at me and said "No he's not" and he knew that I was listening because I started watching them. You could see sadness in his eyes. My heart sank. The teacher (unaware of what was going on) started talking so basically it was a "We'll talk later" and the bell rang for the next class shortly after (I didn't have a class with Ben for the rest of the day). I was mortified and the rest of the day was a blur to me. I was holding out hope for that night that I would get the phone call from Ben talking about his party but it never came. I remember waking up the next morning for school feeling sick to my stomach. I didn't have the courage to ask Ben about the party and if I was still invited. It took one of the guys that was on the list (his name was Andrew), to ask about the guests to Ben (we were in the same table/group for one of our classes) and said "isn't rmchampion going too?" And Ben replied "No." I was crushed inside but didn't show it. Ben was never "mean" to me, but I feel like we were never the same after that. It was even worse when Geoff was talking to this girl saying "We need a stripper at Ben's party, you should come." Not because of her being a stripper per say, but the way that I was feeling FOMO.
Geoff ended up moving away again after 8th grade and I didn't really have any classes with Ben again in High School. Years later after High School, Ben saw me getting gas and he randomly went up to me and said "Hey, I remember you from school, I just thought I would say hi" and I'm like "Oh yeah, hi!" and he was like "Well, good to see you!"
I do think that really scarred me. Of course, I moved on from that incident and made other friends. But now I am terrified of rejection. Maybe that's why I'm still single. And when friends make plans with me, I try not to get too excited until it actually happens because I know that another "Geoff" could come into my life and ruin it. So, thanks Geoff, you made me struggle with confidence for years.
Not really sure what my motive is here, just want thoughts on this. I never really told anybody about this. Not even my parents knew about it. I think I was too embarrassed.

Hi so basically Im in a weird situation rn, my weekly schedule consists of being at my trade school from mon-Friday and leave Saturdays most of the time and come back sun nights. So when I’m here my mental health gets WAY better I mean way better, I’m with people who are emotionally and socially healthy and understanding. It’s like when I come home as soon as my narc alcoholic dad comes pick me up in his 2000 something old ass dirty bug infested food and crumbs all over the seat and floor and fucken sauce stains everywhere Honda as soon as I get in the car with him I could just see how fucked in the head he is in so many fucking ways emotionally, socially, psychologically and a whole bunch of other shit. It’s literally like I get in the car and what it feels like all his bs issues become mine for some reason and it’s like I’m carrying all his bs with me. I get miserable because my parents are some of the most sutipid bum lames that have no character whatsoever you’ll come across in ur fucking life. Til this day I haven’t come across anybody like these people. Than my dumbass mom had the nerve to come into my room sat morning saying it was Mothers Day to least say it to my grandma since she knows I’m not gonna tell her shit but she was just tryna make me feel bad and I just told her to close the fucking door cuz my grandma don’t deserve me telling her shit either not even me interacting with her. Idk yesterday I went to the beach cuz I stayed and was kinda bored and had nothing to do. I took the bus and at first it was pretty good but after a while idk if it was cuz I smoked a sig and Im addicted tryna quit and it just put me in a bad mood? But idk, their was this cute girl were I got my pizza from and I could tell in the beginning she liked me a bit and was lowk tryna talk to me but it’s like I wasn’t mentally and emotionally there to even talk to her in any other way than to order my food. But like I said my point is whenever I’m here at my trade school and I don’t leave home to my narc bum ass family, my mental health feels better, but when I leave it’s like I “heal” them in a way and with that comes me draining me completely from all the good energy I have leaving me with nothing which messes me up emotionally and socially. They have nothing going on with their life really their bums who live miserabley day to day with my alc dad drinking every weekend and jacking off in the restroom while drunk. I wish I had a therapist to talk to about my situation, when I’m here I feel so much better but when I get picked up as soon as I’m in the car with that bum ass nigga every second I’m next to him he literally drains me, and within a couple hours of being with them my whole mental health and mentality changes for the worst. I become really insecure I got no energy and and just worse mentally. But at the same time I don’t like staying here in the weekends because it’s boring and you don’t do shit here and the only people I even stay with on the weekends is my parents cuz I haven’t really better my relationship with my other family members from the issues we’ve had in the past, and don’t really have friends anymore in my home town, at least that I don’t talk to so I don’t do nothing but stay in my house with them all day and not do shit. The best example I could give u is around 2 weeks ago I left for the first time in like a month of being here and not physically interacting with these bums, I stayed cuz I would forget to turn in my weekend slip so I could leave. So yea I left and it was good at first but it’s like my presence around them would “heal” them by them giving me all their bullshit issues, luckily I was mentally a little stronger so I dealt with it for a bit than I left, I came back home last week Saturday and I regret it it was way worse, they showed me their genuine bum selfs and drained me from all the good energy I had and put me in a really bad place mentally coming back here. Now ik for sure unless I got back up in my house meaning I’m gonna do something with friends I’m not gonna go back for shit. Cuz that’s the only way if I go back and don’t go out with friends or nothing it’ll just be bad. But yea sorry ik it’s a lot what are your thought? Just wanna know.