Dudes taking a shower

Hi all,
I'm 27, M
first of all, I know there may be a lot of people who would just tell me to man up, shut the hell up and keep going, not on this sub but overall. There are lot of such people in my social group, family, everywhere. It seems I don't have anyone who even remotely understands the point of my struggle.
The thing is, I don't like the idea I'm basically predestined to spend the rest of my life in some kind of work. The majority of the day, every day. Some days, recently pretty often, this feeling hits me so much that even after the work ends, I don't even enjoy things I normally like. I'm just feeling like a total lethargic crap waiting for it to start again the next day.
There's even more to it - I've got a really nice job (if you would take a look on it from an ordinary person viewpoint), I work from home, there's a rly fine group of people in my team, the manager is super cool dude, paycheck is somewhat alright, everything is really close to perfection here.
So this brings me to the topic itself. This is not about a certain type of job, this is about this life approach from top to bottom. I remember even my first day in kindergarten where only this idea to forcefully be there was presented to me was a total pain in the ass for me. It was the same on elementary school, on high school, even on Uni. I simply didn't want to be there at all, I felt forced to do something I don't like.
But there's still this problem that I just stop showing up, I'll probably die in the next month or two out of starvation. This is nuts, I cannot probably even describe all the stuff I'm thinking about right now.
What are some of the possibilities people like me have? All the articles online are only telling me to find something I'd like to do but I've already been reassured multiple times that no matter what it is, if it's forced, I won't like it. People around me are telling me 'dude, this is capitalism, just accept how it is or go to beg somewhere to Himalayas for one banana a day' or something.
I feel lost, I feel weak, stupid, unnecessary, unheard, misunderstood. It's hitting me really hard that some other redditors are often mentioning that they just daydream between winning a lottery or putting a bullet in their head.
This is just insane.
What are some steps you guys took on this path please? What helped you to find some ease in this?
Thank you for any contribution.

I left an emotionally abusive relationship about a month ago. I tried to leave so many times, and I finally did it. It was a really hard decision, but after he called me a bitch for feeding my baby in the bed I knew it was over. I kicked him out as it is my house. My bills doubled, but my food cost has gone down significantly.
He outfoxed me also, said if he got to claim the baby on his taxes he will pay all medical costs and insurance. He also said he would pay 75% of daycare, which was also a lie. That did not happen, he has horrible insurance. I’m getting 200+ $ doctors bills, and come to find out baby lost coverage 3/22. Now in the process of adding him to mine, which is great with 20$ copays. To show how selfish this man is he said he wanted baby on his so he didn’t have to pay extra in child support. So he wanted me to pay housing costs, daycare, and these expensive medical bills on discounted child support.
Well you know what dude fuck you. I’m not letting him take advantage of me anymore. If you want more details on his extensive abuse you can read my other post in emotionalabuse. He also has been “trying” by helping with the baby, coming to clean which I appreciate. But I am about ready for him to take baby for his own visitations so I don’t have to see him anymore.
I am embarrassed to be a single mom again. I have another child with another dad. My bills are going to eat up most of our income until this child support comes in.
Just tell me it’s going to be okay, share me your stories of survival and escaping bad relationships.. tell me this was the best decision I could make.

I’m currently using Gellae semi cured stickers and while I love the designs and they do last a long time, I find that when I take showers and wash my hair, the nail sticker can get stuck in between my hair and gotta be extra cautious with washing my hair, I think it may be due to being a gel sticker.
I’ve seen sistaco ads a couple of times pop up on my Facebook and Instagram after I’ve placed an order a month ago now for gellae and the shades and colours looked very appealing and does look like an easy to use system, was wondering if anyone’s tried sistaco before and what your thoughts are on it?

I (22F) just split from my (23M) boyfriend of a year. He is not the first person I have been with, but he is my first love. He is the first person to make me feel valued. We had our minor arguments and miscommunication, as every couple does, however a few weeks ago it took a turn.
Let me say, I'm not perfect. I would shut down and be petty after arguments, which I now see and I am working on. He wasn't perfect either, as he struggled with confrontation. He would sometimes just try to keep me happy with gifts, showering me with my favorite gifts (flowers, stuffed animals, trinkets from my favorite movies/shows, etc.)
We usually talked out these issues, and we would say that we want each other so we could work through it. I felt that I was growing, but I struggled with depression and anxiety that shut me down. He also struggled with anxiety, however he has a great support system, with tons of friends and close familial relationships, meanwhile I come from a broken family, scattered friends, etc.
He crossed a boundary when we were intimate, and I could not say that I was uncomfortable, I froze. He felt terrible after, and was very embarrassed.
In loving him, I immediately forgave him. I said I was uncomfortable after. I went home, and the next day after we agreed to meet because we both needed support. I couldn't tell anyone, except my therapist, same with him, so we met up to offer support for each other. He gave me a card saying, "it will be awkward but we will get through this," along with a few gifts like a preserved flower, a few gift cards, which I took reluctantly, feeling like he was trying to buy my forgiveness back. I told him I felt, "violated," as that is the word my therapist gave me. I didn't know any better, and I wish I could take it back, because it broke him. He cried, while I sat there awkwardly, I did not know what to do in that situation. We ended up saying that we wanted to get through this together, but we needed space.
We took a few days of space, but it got to me. I have an anxious attachment style, whereas he has an avoidant attachment style. We usually call every night, even if it's just a simple, "goodnight," but he did not want to. My sleep schedule has been affected ever since. He said he could not bear to see me, due to the embarrassment and shame he felt. I eventually could not take the distance, and asked him why we couldn't go back to normal, as I had forgave him. He then told me that he was hurting too, which I couldn't see until after (I know this was my fault and I am beating myself over it.)
Two days later, I DoorDashed him food, and when he got it, he called me saying that we needed to talk. He then came over and broke up with me, and I cannot handle it. I begged him, saying we could work through it, and all relationships take work. He then said he took full accountability for the situation, but he could not give me a relationship that I deserved, and it wasn't fair to either of us. He said I was too immature and he lost trust in me to be able to communicate when I am uncomfortable.( I have only froze one time, and I usually was very communicative when I was upset.)
The memories are flooding my brain, as I went to his house 3 or 4 times a week, stayed over on the weekends, and basically did everything with him because all my other friends were busy. He was my best friend and my everything.
When we broke up, I asked him if he lied on the card, that we would get through it. He just looked at me and said, "I'm sorry." All of the cards that he wrote me saying he wanted to do this with me, and move forward, were all lies. When i was gathering his stuff from my room, he kept trying to call me "Baby" or "Babe" and it broke me.
I have reached out to friends and they have been really great with what they can offer, as we are all still in school or in a career. My sleep has been affected, and finals are coming up next week.
I can't do anything without thinking about him. I feel like a part of me has died.
Essentially, does it get better? Do we have a shot? I know there are things we need to work on, but the fact that I cannot stop thinking about it has to mean something, right?

Ok so a thought I’ve had since mox won the title is that he would lose it at forbidden door.
It just made sense, he would win in NJPW and then lose it on the big cross promotion PPV and bring some eyes to whoever beat him.
If you were to pick a TRUE NJPW dude to beat Moxley, who are you picking?
If it’s up to me, I’m taking Yota Tsuji.

So i use shea moisture wavy hair shampoo but it doesnt foam unless i use a big big amount, any help as to why?
I need to wash the front of my middle part twice or it gets very sticky en waxy when i dry it
I use a KEUNE hair mask/deep condish every two weeks
I use a KEUNE soft mousse and maaybe will upgrade to a strong mousde so that i dont need tu use as much.
these work well, any recommendations?
routine: wash w shampoo
wash front part again w shampoo
get out of shower
brush style
scrunch in mousse
use a tshirt towel hack for 20 min
use hair diffuser
I like the results but im so baffled by why my shampoo doesnt foam and as to why my front part gets waxy if i dont wash it twice.
I have big 2C hair with teeny tiny bits of 3A, i have medium hair density and idk about porosity but air drying takes 2-3/4hours after i tshirt towel dry

So fucking bad mood swings and irritation oh god in so done with the world I hate everything around me I'm having such intense cravings and my mother isn't letting me order anything saying that kids restrict their eating preferences in exam time to remoan focused healthy and idk what shit oh god this woman is telling me to have ghar ka khana the same sabzi that I'd in the morning and idk why I'm being such an ahole and not being grateful that I've food to eat at home and I'm a fucking dropper from a stream in which no single soul takes a drop oh lord nobody seems to understand me not even my boyf I've millions of chapter to revise from so many subjects my head is aching my asshole is hurting why tf anus hurts and idk I'm probably triggered because of the black coffee i'd in the morning and ik this text has no punctuation because punctuation my foot I'm so irritated lierally crying my eyes are blurr with tears I can't see the words on my keyboard and idk what I'm typing I'm so irritated I want to have the chilli bean patty sub my boyf wants to order it but I already picked a fight with my mom about the outside food thingy and trust me I haven't eaten anything bahar ka since weeks and I so want to take my scooty out and go for a drive but I'm scared because my mind literally has thousands of things running in and out and the last thing I want is to get injured or something just a day before exam I've my exams on 15, 16, 17, 18, 23, 06, and 15 and I have to revise things that are poles apart from each other there's hardly and coherence in the syllabus or the paper patten few are cbt few are omrs pen paper and what not I haven't washed my hair since one and a half week because curly hair is too much work and I'm not getting the mental, physical or the temporal bandwidth to wash my hair and my washroom is not so clean not dirty but not too clean either and I only clean it when I wash my hair and I've clothes to take out from the machine and lay them on the stand and oh god it's already 4 pm I've my exam at 3 tomorrow oh god the exhausting procedure of producing admit card and shit and going to the center hours ago I'm a dropper and this shit hurts I don't like to study what I already have in the past it's so fucking boring but idk what I'm doing with my life I need to pull my shit together please downvote me if you want to but education after menarche should be consensual and idk education is important a menstruating woman too needs to be independent but fuck everything dude I can't with this atleast females should be given opportunity to schedule their exams and shit according to their cycle and study as and when they want to and not go to school college or office or even work at home compulsorily everyday. Idk why I'm writing this I'm sorry

Hello you lovely Spuds!
I'm an American expat living in England with my husband and our child (F7). My husband and I have been together for 8 years, our daughter was a happy accident but it took me at least 6 years to see my husband was the one I should not have kept.
For background: he is an alocholic since day 1, he made me thank him profusely for deciding to stay for the baby because he just wants to live his own life as a bohemian artist, he made us late for our own baby shower because he screamed at me and threw food at me for 2 hours in a parking lot because I bought him some Mcdonalds breakfast due to him being newly wasted at 9am, he proposed to me because his dad was visiting and wanted him to be proud of him - and when he saw his dad was drunk and missed it he got so angry and made us all go home - and then forgot he even proposed, (for the record, I didn't say yes because his friends were pouring beer on us and I wasn't sure I wanted to marry him but he told everyone I said yes and I wasn't capable of standing up for myself at the time). The day of our wedding I wore black and watched a zombie film in the bath haha that's not part of the story just something I'll always remember as symbolic. Of course he was wasted for our family meal reception and kept trying to dry hump his male friend which was weird, but ok. Then ruined seeing Phantom of the Opera for our honeymoon and then admitted to sleeping with his ex when I was newly pregnant (that he repeatedly told me I was crazy for thinking he'd sleep with that 'expletive expletive'). It gets a lot worse for about 3 years while we were in separate countries and waiting on a visa for me as our daughter and I visited a few times for a few months. Lots of binged weekends where he would be gone for days doing various illicit substances and lots of alcohol.
Fast forward to about a year ago and we al live together in England, still having binge days and sometimes things were good and sometimes not so good. the final straw was last March when I had mentioned I might go to a mums-night-out as I didn't feel like I had many friends at the time in England, and he said "I can deal with you being a shit wife but I can't deal with you being a shit mother" because my daughter didn't want me to be gone. Later he told me he only said it to hurt me. The moment he said that to me was the moment everything I was holding onto just died. I'm a massive planner and decided to learn what I actually want out of my life and how to make my own choices and have significantly leveled up since then, I made a 110 page life plan that broke down my life into 13 categories - I was serious about change. I watched "how to talk to narcisstist" videos and stopped allowing him to talk down to me and drive conversations in circles. It was last March when I made this shift and I've just managed to move out last weekend! In that year, he broke my fridge, ruined my bed because he doesn't shower, and shattered my oven glass door because "I made him angry by telling my friends about the situation and making him look bad." He never bought anything because he doesn't work, and the money he does get from his art doesn't go into the family or home. Oh also, I'm his second marriage as he has a case in the states against him for DV but said he only hit her back "in self defence" and he is a wonderful storyteller, clearly. I know, I'm an idiot.
ALL THAT BEING SAID, my visa relies on being married to him and I now have to urgently choose to pay £5k to apply as a parent to my English daughter and will be restarting the whole 5 year visa process which will end in over £10k -or- I could apply for the Domestic Abuse visa which in the long run is waaaaay better for me and my daughter but he would know I did that and would be so angry as he's told me off for "playing the victim" when I reported him to the police and social workers needed to get involved. Since this new year we've had a mostly good relationship as we live completely separate lives and have agreements where our daughter is involved. I feel awful because his parents have helped me so much throughout the visa process and with getting my English license and a car, and until last week I lived in a granny annexe in his mothers back garden with him. I feel like if I apply for DA then its like a slap in the face to his family for everything they've done for me and could potentially isolate myself and my daughter from family in the UK. They know about his character but choose not to acknowledge it and think we just need work things out. I also feel like as it wasn't physical abuse that I am sort of "playing the victim" and shouldn't deserve to apply for it. I don't want to bring my daughter back home to the states as I'm very happy with the safety and quality of life here for her compared to where I'm from, also I'm not even sure if I could as I'd be then taking her away from her dad and english family and friends.
Am I the asshole for wanting to make this massive decision that would then legally label him as an abuser (in the UK) as it would be the most beneficial route for me and my daughter?
Lastly- I am receiving professional support and not relying on internet crowdsourcing support, I'm just so stressed and nervous and there are massive time gaps with the professional support where I 120% overthink these things!!!

I was reflecting about the themes of the first two movies, and I wondered what the third one's theme could be.
If the first movie's theme was about "Anyone can wear the mask,
And the second film's theme was the question, "Can my individuality co-exist with the demands of the mask?"
The answer could be the theme of the third film, "Yes, and if the demands of the mask don't fit you, then make your own demands. I wear the mask. The mask doesn't wear me."
Here's how I feel like the ending of "Beyond" could be, with Rio and Jeff knowing his secret identity by now:
(Voice over)
"My name is Miles Morales, I was bitten by a radioactive spider. I am New York's one and only Spider-Man. I was once told that it meant letting those closest to me get hurt. However, I think the opposite is true. Spider-Man doesn't have to be a curse. It doesn't have to be a burden. If you need sleep, then sleep. (Show Miles having fallen asleep in his costume). "Let others take the weight off you." (Show Jeff as a cop running to his police car, showing that Spidey can take a night off). If you need a break. Take a break. (Show Miles and Gwen together). It's okay. The city won't fall apart. Spend time with those you love. (Show Rio, Jeff, Gwen, and Miles on the couch together). "You see, being Spider-Man means a lot to me." (Show him swinging through the city). "But so does being Miles Morales." (Show Miles reconnecting with the other neighborhood kids from the start of the first movie). You can do both. You CAN have your cake and eat it too. (Show Miles presenting Jeff with another cake saying, "I'm proud of you, Dad. I love you"). What good is being Spider-Man if you can't share it with the people you love? (Show Rio and Jeff watching Miles leap off the roof as Spider-Man, and they both yell, "Hey, be careful!!")
(Show Miles yelling faintly through the mask, "I always am!")
Rio and Jeff as they stare at Miles swinging into the sunset sky. Rio leans her head on Jeff.
Rio, "You think he'll be okay?"
Jeff- "Yeah. We did a good job raising him."
(As Miles swings into the city, he sees Spider-Gwen swinging with him).
They're shown swinging farther and farther away into the sun, as Miles narrates:
"I think the other Spider-people made the mistake of thinking they had to suffer. That it somehow made them into better heroes. But Peter didn't become Spider-Man because his Uncle Ben died. He became Spider-Man because of what his Uncle Ben taught him, and I didn't become Spider-Man because I watched Uncle Aaron die. I became Spider-Man because of what he taught me when he was alive. Just keep fighting. You're the best of all of us. Just keep going. And I always will.
Oh and Uncle Aaron, that girl I told you about?
It worked out."
(End of Beyond)
Something similar would be the ultimate mic drop.
I suppose I could include what happens to Hobie and the gang, but since I haven't actually seen Beyond, I really can only guestimate the following things:
1.) Jeff and Rio will find out Miles' secret identity.
2.) Miles and Gwen get together.
3.) Somehow Miles has made peace with his Earth-42 version prior to this.
4.) Miles adopted Gwen's mentality of "finding their own band."
5.) My theory is that Miguel will realize he was wrong about his calculations and eventually apologize to Miles. It'd take Miles a moment to forgive him, but he'd ultimately accept the apology--even if not becoming friends with the guy. Miles would say something like, "We're cool. Give you advice though? You need to get some help, man. Some serious help."
(That would be the end of their interaction)
6.) Not sure where Jessica Drew ends up. She's the biggest mystery to me.
7.) Miguel would get some kind of chastising from Rio. Not sure how, but Rio would go OFF on him. Especially if Miguel tracks Miles down, fights him, and his secret identity gets revealed by accident. In some way, Rio would cuss this dude out in Spanish, likely after Miles and Miguel make peace with each other.
8.) How Dark Miles and Spot get involved will be a mystery.
9.) Spot will die by getting stuck in some sort of eternal loop. He would basically keep falling into an infinite number of holes and not be able to stop it.
10.) Rio and Jeff accept Miles' secret identity. Jeff would be like, "So you're the one who gave me the advice ----whaaa?"
11.) Near the movie's end, Rio would make an offhand comment about having contacted Vision school administration to complain about the guidance counselor profiling their son. "Poor immigrant family."
These are my theories for how this movie will end. Thoughts? Additions?

Hello Reddit,
I come seeking some insight into my actions this past Mother's Day to see if I am truly out of touch with reality and everything good in this world.
Let me set the stage, this is important; We met over 2 years ago. As with any new relationship there's that initial period where everything is new, you're exploring each other. A few weeks later she was celebrating her daughter's birthday. We had bought her an iPad together. She set it up while everyone was eating cake with the family and unfortunately never checked what synced. Her daughter saw photos and videos of me and made a big scene. She turned 8. She also has a son she adopted away a few years back before going to prison.
Since then she has freaked out every time I am mentioned. Full on meltdown. As such we've had to keep our relationship a secret and hidden. Removed me from all social media and has me muted on Messenger, just to keep the peace with her daughter. This has been going on for almost 2 years in a couple of months.
This Saturday before Mother's Day she went camping with her kid and sisters kids. I didn't know at first, we usually talk in the mornings before she spends the weekend with the kids, our usual morning routine. Sent her 3 messages in the morning, one around lunch and one in the afternoon. She didn't respond until nearly 6pm where she said she went camping and sent pictures.
It was raining for me so I told her I was jealous and wish I could be there. I love her, I'll see her tomorrow, have a great evening and all that. If she or the kids needed anything to just let me know, I'll make myself available. Like 3 short messages and one just spanning 4 lines.
Mother's Day comes around and I sent her a message in the morning telling her shes the best mom and woman in the world, she works so hard for us, try her best and take care of business. She's a gift and a blessing. Told her she's amazing and I love her.
I got a single "Love you" back an hour later. I went to my parents for lunch a little after 9 and texted before going saying I had saved $200 for that day for her so if she or the kids wanted anything to use my card and hoped she liked my gift. (Scented candles and a silver necklace with her birthstone in a heart shape)
Get back from lunch a little after 11 and sent her another message and told her I made a post on FB. Basically just recognizing her for the amazing woman she is and attached 3 of the most beautiful pictures I have of her, two of them where she posed with her daughter. Told her to get something for herself or take the kids out to eat.
3:35pm rolls around, she hadn't seen any of my texts so I text her saying I'm sure she's being kept extra busy today and I wish we weren't apart on special days like today and holidays but hopefully it changes soon and that she liked the gift I had gotten for her.
I didn't expect her to respond so after sending her the text, I went on FB and saw she had posted a new header picture of her kids playing the ipad while sitting on the bed with them, being visited by the son she adopted away. I thought it was beautiful and shared it to my FB with a heart emoji.
Not even a 2 mins later she responds back telling me to "Chill the fuck out, I'm spending time with my daughter!!!"
Followed by: "Dude I'm fucking blocking you! Who the fuck are you to put pictures up of are you fucking serious!!!"
I quickly respond: "I'll remove it"
And she said: "Posting pictures of my daughter so she could possibly see or her dad flip the fuck out!!!" and she blocked me.
Later that evening she still hadn't unblocked me so I sent her an email telling her to please talk to me, I apologize if I did something wrong or to upset her, all she needed to do was voice her disapproval and tell me to remove it. (As I already had) Why do it like this?
She responds back telling me to "Leave her the fuck alone" because she's not "dealing with this psychotic behavior all the fucking damn time. Your mom can be in the hospital dying and you don't post a thing about it, but you put a fucking picture up of my adopted son! Are you fucking serious!".
My response back was I don't post sad shit on Facebook. Never have, never will. I post things that make me happy. I didn't make a post when any of my grandparents died, (last one this Jan), when I was going through 2 surgeries + 7 months of chemo and radiation for melanoma, and certainly not with tubes and wires coming out of my mom. Wasn't even a thought that crossed my mind in the middle of it.
So, Reddit, was I wrong here? Am I so morally wrong and out of touch with reality that I got what I deserved?
I haven't heard from her since. She has used my card though.

This season has felt scrappy, even if the results have been ok. I know people will disagree with this take, but we haven't been playing as well as we can, and our best players have had a slow start.
But I've got a great feeling that this Sunday is going to be a turning point for the team. Late Sunday game against Waalitj Marawar (WC) who we should beat. It'll be a great opportunity to see some of our best players who are just getting into form.
Tracs turned it on early last week and carried the side - if he plays like that for 4 quarters on a regular basis, he'll regain his status as a top 3 in the league.
Salem might come back, and he's a huge part of the team. I like him more on half back, utilising his delivery into the forward half. But he is a hard MF, so it'll be interesting to see if he can adapt his game to the midfield. I think his success depends on the two bulls - Clarry and Viney.
Viney and Clarry both started the year poorly (for them), but it looks like they're finding their form/confidence, and this week could be a huge game for both of them.
Hopefully the good Petty turns up. I have no idea what is going on there.
Rivers, Sparrow and Windsor are all emerging into genuine gun players. Kossie has shown flashes, but he might explode this week.
The boys down back are absolutely fine - last week was an exception.
JVR out is not a problem, he's really just a development player who needs to develop this season. Fritsch is so bloody good, he could kick a bag.
And I need to understand why the fuck Billings is in over Hunter?!?!? Hunter isn't quite Ed Langdon, but Billings is just so shit. But who knows, maybe he proves me wrong this week and stops fucking turning it over every touch he gets.
And how the hell is Max Gawn not a certified Brownlow favourite. The dude delivers BOG on a regular basis, but is considered a smokey at best. The best ruck in the league. Always taking important contested marks. I just don't understand why he doesn't poll well.
Anyway, I'm just really pumped to see our boys have a huge two weeks, then dominate Freo in R12.

Long story incoming.
My grandmother passed away 3 months ago after a 6 year fight with dementia. It was hard seeing her change from the loving, caring matriarch of the family to a shell, who couldn't recognise anyone. I regard her death as a blessing, with the last 3 years of her life bound to a chair with no quality of life in a nursing home.
Nan wasn't wealthy, she owned her home, had a very small savings account, and I would estimate her estate was worth around $450'000 australian dollars when she passed.
I had no expectations of any inheritance, the thought hadn't even crossed my mind.
My mum and her only sibling were executors
My mother stated she would be contesting her brother for lost time to care (periodic showering and feeding in the nursing home) to the tune of about $10k, and her brother was fine with that arrangement. When I heard about this, I had some reservations, but as I didn't know the full details I decided it wasn't my business.
The will was meant to be read last week but the solicitor asked why the other benefiting members were not present.... it turns out that my Nan's estate was to be split evenly in eights (12.5% shares) between my uncle, his wife and kids, and my mum, dad and me and my brother.
My Dad called me in the days following the attempted reading and very vaguely told me the details, and then asking me to sign a deed of family arrangement to annul the will to make 50% go to mum alone, surrendering the portion bequeathed to me.
I'm 27, married, 3 kids, just over $1 million in mortgage... 40k would be a huge surprise and welcome final gift from Nan.
My brother and I got together to go to mum+dads house that day and put our thoughts strait. My brother was not happy because mum was trying to take money from her own children, I wasn't happy because mum was trying to change the last word of my nan.
Ultimately, the discussion was a disaster, my mother stated she deserved our portion as she had cared for nan and we didn't, missed out on work to take Nan to appointments and that she deserved to be comfortable and eliminate the remainder of ther mortgage with the inheritance. Being called selfish and greedy by my own mum will stick with me for a long time.
I texted later that I will stand firm and not agree to any abolition of the will. I fully expect my mum to commence court action from this point.
There's a lot of behind the scenes drama, including my parents not liking my wife, and then by extension, my kids, grudges held for decade old issues and general alcohol induced mental instability on my mums side...
Tldr: I refused to surrender an inheritance to my mum and now she's one war path.

So I’ve (25 F) been living in Seattle with my fiancé (26 M) we’ve been together for about 4 years now. We were talking about marriage then I fell pregnant and we decided to keep it of course although I was hesitant since I had heard horror stories about pregnancy. Most of the women in my life are single moms. My mom was a single mom of 2 but then she married and had 2 more. She worked full time through all 4 pregnancy’s, commuting an hour to work. She spent one of her pregnancies on a broken foot and going back to work 2-6 weeks after each birth. When I was younger it seems fine but now that I’m pregnant and thinking about it, I would absolutely never be able to handle that.
ANYWAYS… I’ve had a pretty complicated pregnancy, had HG until 6 months, I still throw up but now it’s just regular morning sickness. I couldn’t work during months 2-4 and my fiancé did absolutely everything for me. He even had to carry me into the shower and wash me sometimes because I was so weak. I lost so much weight and spent lots of time in the hospital. I’m not sure how I survived that but I did. Keep in mind, during this time, people kept telling me I was just being negative and all this was happening to me because I was negative and to basically meditate and take a walk.
Fast forward, I started back working month 4 when I started feeling a little better because I felt bad and unproductive. Now I’m 8months and I’m over it, I had a TIA (MINI stroke) at work and had to be rushed to the hospital (embarrassing), I have SPD and it hurts if I walk, my job doesn’t want to accommodate a WFH structure (which is another story), and my Fiancé just wants me to quit as he doesn’t like to see me in pain.
I am super close to my mom and she has been begging me to come stay with her and she really wants me to give birth in NY. I convinced my Fiancé to let me come here and explained that my mom really wants to take care of me in this last stretch and he could have some time to breathe since I’ve been relying on him this whole time. He was not happy about it but let me go.
I get to JFK, everyone is being rude to me, I asked the man who drives the golf cart looking thing if I can hitch a ride because I’m pregnant and in some pain, he got so mad at me and told me pregnancy is not a sickness, but still let me on.
I get to my mom’s house, she put me downstairs in the basement instead of a room upstairs and will not let me sleep up there. Which is pissing me off, I have to climb 2 flights of stairs to get to the bathroom and the basement is dusty and dark with no ventilation. I told my mom when I got here that I did not want to sleep in the basement, she told me it was fine and that there was more room down there. I didn’t want to argue with her so I just let it be.
My mom’s office is also downstairs in the basement so everyday she wakes me up by coming down the stairs and crossing through the first room that I’m in to get to her office. She then proceeds to be on meetings all day. I also have no privacy and no door.
My SPD is getting really bad and everyone keeps telling me how dramatic I am and how they had to endure horrible conditions while they were pregnant and worked up until they gave birth.
Am I a bitch and being ungrateful or are people fucking with me right now? I feel like the women in my life are trying to make things harder rather than help me relax and get ready for birth. It’s almost like people are laughing at me for being pregnant and suffering.

Hey everyone! My name is River, and I'm on the hunt for a fantastic girl to get to know and spend quality time with. I'm not looking for anything super serious right off the bat, but rather a genuine connection and a solid friendship as a starting point. I want someone I can take out, hang out, and just enjoy each other's company. If things naturally progress into something romantic, that would be the icing on the cake! So, if you're up for some fun adventures and building a meaningful connection, let's make some unforgettable memories together!
Alright, let me give you a glimpse into who I am! Picture a 6-foot-1 guy with a short beard and a whole lot of tattoos. Cooking is my jam, and I can whip up some mouthwatering dishes that will make your taste buds dance. But that's not all, I also have a knack for mixing killer cocktails that will have you saying 'cheers' in no time! I thrive on spontaneity and love going on unplanned adventures that keep life exciting. And let's not forget about my legendary shower concerts that are guaranteed to make you laugh! 😂 Of course, I also enjoy those lazy days where we can cuddle up, watch movies, and indulge in some delicious junk food. So, if you're up for a mix of fun, flavor, and cozy moments, let's create some amazing memories together!
By the way, I have to admit that I'm not the best at talking about myself, so if there's anything else you'd like to know, just ask! I'm an open book. Also if you don’t mind, please add a selfie with your message, you’ll get one right back in return too! Let's keep the conversation going and get to know each other better. Looking forward to hearing from you!

TL;DR My boyfriend and I broke up after a year together due to miscommunication and a foot fetish.
I (22F) just split from my (23M) boyfriend of a year. He is not the first person I have been with, but he is my first love. He is the first person to make me feel valued. We had our minor arguments and miscommunication, as every couple does, however a few weeks ago it took a turn.
Let me say, I'm not perfect. I would shut down and be petty after arguments, which I now see and I am working on. He wasn't perfect either, as he struggled with confrontation. He would sometimes just try to keep me happy with gifts, showering me with my favorite gifts (flowers, stuffed animals, trinkets from my favorite movies/shows, etc.)
We usually talked out these issues, and we would say that we want each other so we could work through it. I felt that I was growing, but I struggled with depression and anxiety that shut me down. He also struggled with anxiety, however he has a great support system, with tons of friends and close familial relationships, meanwhile I come from a broken family, scattered friends, etc.
Now, here is where things went wrong. He has a foot fetish, and him being the best guy I have ever been with, I let him endure his fetish. We never really discussed boundaries, however we always asked for consent. However, one night, he got carried away after giving me a foot massage and crossed an insane boundary that I was uncomfortable with. I just laid there, I couldn't speak or move. He finished, and he looked at me, frozen. He immediately turned over and was so embarrassed and said that if I wanted to break up with him it would be okay.
In loving him, I immediately forgave him. I said I was uncomfortable after. I went home, and the next day after we agreed to meet because we both needed support. I couldn't tell anyone, except my therapist, same with him, so we met up to offer support for each other. He gave me a card saying, "it will be awkward but we will get through this," along with a few gifts like a preserved flower, a few gift cards, which I took reluctantly, feeling like he was trying to buy my forgiveness back. I told him I felt, "violated," as that is the word my therapist gave me. I didn't know any better, and I wish I could take it back, because it broke him. He cried, while I sat there awkwardly, I did not know what to do in that situation. We ended up saying that we wanted to get through this together, but we needed space.
We took a few days of space, but it got to me. I have an anxious attachment style, whereas he has an avoidant attachment style. We usually call every night, even if it's just a simple, "goodnight," but he did not want to. My sleep schedule has been affected ever since. He said he could not bear to see me, due to the embarrassment and shame he felt. I eventually could not take the distance, and asked him why we couldn't go back to normal, as I had forgave him. He then told me that he was hurting too, which I couldn't see until after (I know this was my fault and I am beating myself over it.)
Two days later, I DoorDashed him food, and when he got it, he called me saying that we needed to talk. He then came over and broke up with me, and I cannot handle it. I begged him, saying we could work through it, and all relationships take work. He then said he took full accountability for the situation, but he could not give me a relationship that I deserved, and it wasn't fair to either of us. He said I was too immature and he lost trust in me to be able to communicate when I am uncomfortable.( I have only froze one time, and I usually was very communicative when I was upset.)
The memories are flooding my brain, as I went to his house 3 or 4 times a week, stayed over on the weekends, and basically did everything with him because all my other friends were busy. He was my best friend and my everything.
When we broke up, I asked him if he lied on the card, that we would get through it. He just looked at me and said, "I'm sorry." All of the cards that he wrote me saying he wanted to do this with me, and move forward, were all lies. When i was gathering his stuff from my room, he kept trying to call me "Baby" or "Babe" and it broke me.
I have reached out to friends and they have been really great with what they can offer, as we are all still in school or in a career. My sleep has been affected, and finals are coming up next week.
I can't do anything without thinking about him. I feel like a part of me has died.
Essentially, does it get better? Do we have a shot? I know there are things we need to work on, but the fact that I cannot stop thinking about it has to mean something, right?

Does it Get Easier?
I (22F) just split from my (23M) boyfriend of a year. He is not the first person I have been with, but he is my first love. He is the first person to make me feel valued. We had our minor arguments and miscommunication, as every couple does, however a few weeks ago it took a turn.
Let me say, I'm not perfect. I would shut down and be petty after arguments, which I now see and I am working on. He wasn't perfect either, as he struggled with confrontation. He would sometimes just try to keep me happy with gifts, showering me with my favorite gifts (flowers, stuffed animals, trinkets from my favorite movies/shows, etc.)
We usually talked out these issues, and we would say that we want each other so we could work through it. I felt that I was growing, but I struggled with depression and anxiety that shut me down. He also struggled with anxiety, however he has a great support system, with tons of friends and close familial relationships, meanwhile I come from a broken family, scattered friends, etc.
Now, here is where things went wrong. He has a foot fetish, and him being the best guy I have ever been with, I let him endure his fetish. We never really discussed boundaries, however we always asked for consent. However, one night, he got carried away after giving me a foot massage and crossed an insane boundary that I was uncomfortable with. I just laid there, I couldn't speak or move. He finished, and he looked at me, frozen. He immediately turned over and was so embarrassed and said that if I wanted to break up with him it would be okay.
In loving him, I immediately forgave him. I said I was uncomfortable after. I went home, and the next day after we agreed to meet because we both needed support. I couldn't tell anyone, except my therapist, same with him, so we met up to offer support for each other. He gave me a card saying, "it will be awkward but we will get through this," along with a few gifts like a preserved flower, a few gift cards, which I took reluctantly, feeling like he was trying to buy my forgiveness back. I told him I felt, "violated," as that is the word my therapist gave me. I didn't know any better, and I wish I could take it back, because it broke him. He cried, while I sat there awkwardly, I did not know what to do in that situation. We ended up saying that we wanted to get through this together, but we needed space.
We took a few days of space, but it got to me. I have an anxious attachment style, whereas he has an avoidant attachment style. We usually call every night, even if it's just a simple, "goodnight," but he did not want to. My sleep schedule has been affected ever since. He said he could not bear to see me, due to the embarrassment and shame he felt. I eventually could not take the distance, and asked him why we couldn't go back to normal, as I had forgave him. He then told me that he was hurting too, which I couldn't see until after (I know this was my fault and I am beating myself over it.)
Two days later, I DoorDashed him food, and when he got it, he called me saying that we needed to talk. He then came over and broke up with me, and I cannot handle it. I begged him, saying we could work through it, and all relationships take work. He then said he took full accountability for the situation, but he could not give me a relationship that I deserved, and it wasn't fair to either of us. He said I was too immature and he lost trust in me to be able to communicate when I am uncomfortable.( I have only froze one time, and I usually was very communicative when I was upset.)
The memories are flooding my brain, as I went to his house 3 or 4 times a week, stayed over on the weekends, and basically did everything with him because all my other friends were busy. He was my best friend and my everything.
When we broke up, I asked him if he lied on the card, that we would get through it. He just looked at me and said, "I'm sorry." All of the cards that he wrote me saying he wanted to do this with me, and move forward, were all lies. When i was gathering his stuff from my room, he kept trying to call me "Baby" or "Babe" and it broke me.
I have reached out to friends and they have been really great with what they can offer, as we are all still in school or in a career. My sleep has been affected, and finals are coming up next week.
I can't do anything without thinking about him. I feel like a part of me has died.
Essentially, does it get better? Do we have a shot? I know there are things we need to work on, but the fact that I cannot stop thinking about it has to mean something, right?

Here. And I’d like to start by noticing that Steve Sailer is obviously Delicious Taco’s dad. Having said this.
Good episode. Lots of engagement which I suppose is a net positive for all involved. Obviously a lot of the injury stems from a distortion. The episode’s content fantasized and in fantasy warped into something constituting a threat (no, an outright assault) to the listener’s person. One can simply listen to the episode and see that some (in fact the bulk) of the negative responses are from people reacting to some spectral absent-presence rather than to what is actually being said over the course of the 2 hour long episode. The voices and the discourse have instead been shaped into sonic receptacle containing the reflection of something wildly ugly. Injuriously ugly.
Past few days have been brutal. Found myself doom-viewing the main sub, should know better at this age. Feels like I’ve been transmogrified into an absurd and wretched thing. Must've transgressed against a gnome or something. Fascinating to think about.
I would like nothing more than to shame you.
Miami Summer is a killer. Urine is blood-orange. And my mother deserves better sons.
Why would A&D do this?
Witnessing the rankest comments. In bygone age I’d found them tolerable. Having imagined them delivered by high society homosexual. A damned dandy; chubby, sinister, and flamboyant. Capri on a stick limply held between index and middle fingers, twirling wrist ash’ing on expensive Persian rug. The blurry ghosts of his mother and the kid brother who drowned in the pond all those years ago glaring at him from far-off corner. Clearing throat he launches into sing-song slander head peeling back cackling at his own wickedness. Vile and venomous but charming. Instead what we get is 30+ year old mentally-ill men. Men whose Twitter activity has atrophied their cock and balls. Genitals withering away like the Worker's State, in its place a gasping cloaca, worry not I can clock em from miles away. The odious cloaca-havers are soon joined by ruined drug-addled children and the other women. They talk about A&D in disgusting ways. This is unfair and nasty. I confess to being angry. Sweating blood-specked kerosene. Let the scent fill up the empty air between us. My wrath singeing those overgrown nose hairs.
Of the two I think Anna is the one that inspires the harshest parasocial spite. So much so that I’d recommend she take some protective measures against evil eye and tongue. Maybe take baths with hyssop herb, rose water perfume, and holy water.
It’s as if Anna Khachiyan is a Giant Floating Vagina with teeth and a noticeable overbite. Viewed from another angle it transforms into a Madonna encircled by cherubim. Perhaps we are cruel to Anna in order to be kind to our mothers.
All very pre-Oedipal.
Had to step back and parse it out. Anna draws a comparison between herself and Sailer while also asking him a great question,
07:12-07:49
Anna: “I started reading it during the pandemic because it was the pandemic. I was pregnant and bored and I really relate to you as a person who everyone thinks is like evil and monstrous on the internet, but is actually like quite agreeable and mild mannered in real life. And I was going to ask you this question last, but I may as well just ask it now. How do you feel about your new found popularity? And especially, how do you feel about the fact that you have been effectively adopted by or identified with the hard right?”
The first part of the above extract, the sympathetic recognition, brings to mind a bit of 20th century Hermetic theory concerning harmful thought-forms. Our unconscious self-destructive impulses animating the fantasy-phantasm of the other. Inhabiting their shape. Gaining a degree of autonomy. This artificial entity is vampiric by default, provoking what the Czech magician Franz Bardon calls a "magical persecutory complex"... He goes into detail about such entities in Step VI of his seminal work, Initiation into Hermetics. Describing different types of artificial elementals and phantasms along with details on how to consciously go about creating and dissipating them. One of those artificial psychic entities, the one that concerns us, he calls the schemata. Bardon details two variants, one connected with paranoid persecutory fantasies and the other with erotic obsession. The first type comes about when someone who is “easily excitable, easily influenced or self-important” (Narcissist?) has a run in with another person who has, to put it mildly, a memorable visage and dark personality. The schemata is born from the phantasm modeled after this demonic-looking disagreeable person. The victim begins to attribute all kinds of minor inconveniences to the influence of the ugly person. Deludes themselves into thinking that the ugly/disagreeable person is a powerful black magician. Everything appears to reinforce their paranoid delusions. The schema grows in power feeding off the anxieties of their creatohost. The person might end up committing suicide. This was the persecutory schemas desire, having achieved its goal Bardon notes, “how great is the shock when such a spirit realizes on the mental plane that he has committed a very successful magical suicide. What a bitter disappointment! The demonic looking person, however, has no idea what happened; he was actually only the means to an end.”
God gave us eyes so that we might notice things.
The way I see it:
Being social animals the subject of our fantasy, of our fixations, is the fantasy of the other. What makes the human Human is not that we desire but rather that we desire the desire of the other. An excess desire. We fantasize about what the other is fantasizing and enjoying. Our fantasy of the fantasy of the other is the outlines a fundamental lack within our person, a negativity. Experienced as a splitting of consciousness. Intuiting this lack, becoming aware of it, and attempting to articulate it, we are self-consciousness. This negativity or void is in psychoanalytic terms, the unconscious. We likewise intuit that there had once been some original state. One without lack and contradiction. A state of fullness, without the division between self and object. A harmonious whole. A pure consciousness or as Freud refers to it in Civilization and its Discontents an oceanic feeling. The Original Desire, one that is authentically my own, which was not the desire of the other but which unites our desires in itself. This desire is the extinction of all desires.
The eye that perceives the lovely is at once the eye that perceives what I lack. Perceiving this lack, which explains my present condition, I covet. This is an evil eye. The lover’s gaze is of the same type as the infirm or pathic gaze. Reminded of Zizek’s formulation of one of Hegel’s insights, “Evil resides in the very gaze which perceives Evil all around itself" itself a variation of Meister Eckhart’s “the eye through which I see God is the same eye through which God sees me.” The recognition of evil, the ability to see and judge evil, stems from our ability to recognize disparity. This disparity is already present within our own person, the split-consciousness. The feeling cognized, the awareness of our condition as beings separated from the whole. The clairvoyance of the tyrant and the philosopher.
Suppose that psychopathology is born from our inability to recognize an image as an image.
I intuit something more in this person, something they’re hiding. It can’t just be envy, no. It has to be because I can feel that this thing they’re hiding is sinister. It can’t just be that I feel animosity towards this person, no. It has to be because this person is evil and not just an isolated evil but rather a symptom of a much larger evil. An evil that is responsible for all the suffering in the World, for why my World isn’t the way it should be. It can’t just be attraction, no. It has to be that I intuit something more in this person, something hidden, that I must destroy in order to go on living.
If vile shit comes to mind (as vile things often do, especially when one is immersed in ambient algorithmically-summoned vileness, namely outrage and atrocity porn) they won't affirm it to themselves or try to justify or rationalize it or present it as a rational political stance. And they don’t abstract this particular form of vileness into the primary lens through which they view and interpret cultural phenomena. Unreflexive racial animosity is ugly and fetid. We’re capable of recognizing it, feeling it, as something pathological. We’re also capable of laughing at it. Laughing at ourselves. Look at what our ladies have to say about Stuart Seldowitz (the dude who went viral harassing a halal street vendor) in I’ll Be Missinger. “He sucks,” “he’s a loser,” “he’s obviously sick,” and that he gives the impression of someone who lives alone, will die alone, and will be found weeks or even months after the fact.
Perhaps Red Scare is special in how it manages to elicit absurd, wildly inappropriate responses from listeners. Vulgar and revelatory was it? Steve Sailer elicits a similar response and has become an expert in turning said absurd reactions to his advantage. Generally the cooler-head in any given exchange. While the other person shouts obscenities at a ghost, smashing fists against the post, looking crazy, like a proper hysteric. Sailer breaks the fourth-wall, making eye-contact with the would-be noticer, with a little shake of the head, a little chuckle, a little shrug… “you’re noticing right? See what I have to put up with? Imagine these people defining my legacy.” Still he seems to take it with the good humor of an uncle who will still call you on your birthday, despite your drunken outburst during holiday get-together he will admit to not having resisted the temptation to provoke you, it use to be fun, recall all the cool bands I introduced you too? We use to be best buds, “do you really think anything I’ve said merits this sort of response? Honestly?”
Has to be a cheap trick. A technique employed by an old trickster in decades long honing of craft. Maybe not. Maybe what we see is precisely what we get. Most of the very upsetting things being jokes sincerely intended to lighten the mood. Steve Sailer doesn’t care about the particular political orientation of his audience. He just cares that he has an audience. Grateful for the fans he has. Nonetheless happy that they’re not seething malcontent racists. Even if one disagrees with the methodology, the heuristic, the conclusions. That’s secondary, perhaps even tertiary to the recognition sought. His craftsmanship as a writer.
Why I loved his conflict with Will Stancil. Stancil inspired a lot of pondering for me. Putting things in place…
01:29:22-01:29:28
Anna: “You come for the race science and stay for the prose-styling and vivid story-telling.”
In trying to survive as a writer exiled from Mainstream Conservative media (ConInc) during the Bush Jr years. In fact, correct me if I’m wrong but the cancelation that actually impacted Steve Sailer, setting him down the path we find him in, was brought about not by blue-haired hall monitor millennial leftists but by his “fellow” Conservatives. I imagine that he just went with whoever was willing to take him adapting to the editorial standards and audience sensibilities of the publications willing to provide him succor. Not charity mind you but an ability to engage in his own little labor of love.
Read some Sailer. Might get into that later. But that’s the initial impression I got from Steve. Would be utterly mortified if memorialized as a Racialist Ideologue rather than as an entertaining and thought-provoking journalist. Think I also benefited from seeing how he’s actually received by people who are navigating through (or in certain cases, are mired in) the marginal “Hard Right”-spaces or the Rightwing Digital Ghetto. End up realizing that he isn’t hateful, that what you see is precisely what you get, that he privileges craft over ideology, that his reception and exile from Neocon dominated media outlets (remember these are the people gushing ecstatic over the US invasion of Iraq, manufacturing consent for our adventures in the Middle East) was exceedingly unfair but that he nonetheless managed to persevere. And that he really never goes beyond Norm McDonald in terms of his sardonic wit or The Boondocks animated series in terms of his criticisms. His normality is a great source of stability and comfort for his readers; “noticing” and speculating about these topics doesn’t necessarily lead to one becoming a seething racist.
Returning for a moment to Will Stancil, this was what he inspired:
As the last man standing I spend countless hours immersed in detailed fantasies about the coming apocalypse and my enemy's bliss. A dumb and wicked happiness proportional to my suffering. Easy to imagine other people happy. Hearts unbroken. Unburdened, hydrated, sexually satisfied, debt-free, lucky, successful in all business endeavors. Brute, jezebel, schemer, parasite, rival, betrayer... the whole lot of them thriving. Frolicking in my mind's eye. When the time comes I won't forget that they were happy while...others...suffered.
Find that trying to void your mind of all thought or sit perfectly still for 10 minutes. End up feeling like something requires much less energy from us than nothing. Causes coalescing. Conspiring, to what ends?
You see. The very same principle appears to be at work here. Same pathological base that undergirds genuine racial or ethnic animosity. Fantasizing about the other’s enjoyment and being unable to distinguish between the persecutory Phantasm and the actual human being whose shape it appropriates.
Had a friend recommend forgetting. Forgetting is a dialectical exercise, first you have to acknowledge the thing living rent free in your head and acknowledge its origins... then you have to take the steps to stop feeding it. Letting the thought-form dissolve. Let it be put to rest. Reminded of the practice Orthodox Christian contemplatives call Nepsis.
Other approaches as well, acknowledging the presence of anima veiled in shadow.
But listen…
The podcasts I consume, are a reflection of me as a person. Being what I associate and consume. What does it say about me in particular? Reveal about me? That they should have Steve Sailer on the pod. Settling down. Perhaps some responses could be understood in this light. That a Sailer episode reflects poorly on the listener. Constituting a great betrayal of the love and energy and time I have dedicated over the years to you.
I’m not a racist.
Show me your likes on Twitter and I’ll tell you who you are. The most punitive and brutal god. The idea of the AI nu-god being this, utilizing that standard, is horrifying. Show me your likes on Twitter and I’ll tell you who you are, everything you are, and whether or not you qualify to live.
Shamed, I quietly remove the upvote I gave to the hysterical person and the downvote I gave to him.
Hysteria like a yawn is an empathic contagion.
Back to Anna it’s not because she’s ugly and it sucks that she might nurse this delusion. I actually think Anna is really pretty. Rather I think it’s because she’s a mom. She registers as a maternal figure. That’s one of the reasons I think people respond to her the way they do. As stated earlier. We are cruel to Anna in order to forgive our moms.
[To be continued: Wherein I say horrible things that should never be said to the people I claim to love. Will also interrogate Sailor Socialism]

SORRY IT'S LONG I JUST HAVE TO VENT
I moved into this share house 6 months ago, Alex moved in two days after me.
Our other two housemates have lived here for over a year and are barely home, they don't do much around the house but they also aren't the ones making the mess. Even though they are barely ever here they still buy replacements for things we all use and take out the trash and tidy up after themselves. They are very low maintenance and respectful.
Alex doesn't do a single thing to contribute to the house. He piles dishes on the drying rack until every single pot, pan and bowl we own is out on the bench, uses the communal items but has never replaced a single thing, brings rubbish down from his room and stuffs it into the already overfull kitchen bin, never takes it out. He has never picked up after himself or cleaned a mess he makes. He doesn't wash his hands, ever. Leaves pools of water over the kitchen after doing dishes and the bathroom is basically flooded after he showers.
Usually I will just sort of move his mess out of my way as best I can and don't clean up after him. I'll make a pile of the food he leaves in the sink (often raw chicken) on the side of the bench. One time I finished the dish liquid, there were three more bottles under the sink and I didn't get a new one out. Alex piled up his dirty dishes on the side of the bench for 8 days because he didn't look under the sink or just go buy more. He uses the kitchen 2-3 times every single day. We also have a dishwasher he could have used...
I can't tell if he knows what he's doing, I think he just doesn't care but he also hates being called out and he gets upset and seems guilty/embarrassed about his behaviour?? He is very sensitive and acts like's a child. It's clear he never realised how much his parents did for him around the house and just thinks nothing is ever dirty and there's an endless supply of toilet paper and cleaning products but isn't aware of the fact that someone has to be cleaning and buying those things. I don't know if he's lived out of home before, I've asked but never got a yes or no.
Yesterday I sent a message to the group chat. I gave a couple of examples in areas where "we" could improve, literally all of them were purely about Alex but I didn't specify that it was him. Alex was immediately defensive and replied how I expected.
He said it's not fair that he has to buy communal things when other people use more of it. He will buy and use his own things from now on. Even if he does do that, this entire time he's been using the communal stuff. One of the housemates said why don't we just all contribute a small amount each month and she will be responsible for buying everything. Alex said no. Instead of just starting to contribute he gets angry and always reacts with something along the lines of "fine! since you all hate me, i'll just buy my own stuff!" or "it's not my fault there's lint in the dryer tray". I pointed out that the rest of us also make mess but we just clean up after ourselves, he doesn't believe me and says I'm just blaming him.
He also started to talk about bills (they are split evenly) and said it's not fair that certain people use more than others but we all pay for it. I said there will be things you use more than us, he is usually up all night so has the lights on when the rest of us don't. He takes very long showers, he is here 7 days a week when the other housemates are only here a couple days. He didn't reply to anything I said and just kept going on about how it isn't fair and he will just stay in his room from now on to "not cause problems".
He also is quite strange around the house, he doesn't know where certain things go or how to use appliances but instead of asking somebody, or googling it, or just LOOKING for it he will just leave it. He is not proactive at all. One time I was rearranging things in the linen cupboard to make room so I could use a shelf, it was all old crap that past housemates have left here, I knew that because I asked our other housemates about it. He walked past and said "I didn't know we were allowed to do that"...bro its your house too! He clearly wants to use things but just doesn't fucking ask or take initiative and do it himself. He has never messaged the group chat to ask about anything, he will just suffer if he can't find something he needs which is just stupid.
I'm so tired, I hate having to keep my things in my room. I want to live somewhere that isn't disgusting with rotting vegetables and mouldy open cans of sour cream in the fridge, to be able to walk around bare foot without stepping in food and slipping in pools of water, to be able to touch door handles and light switches without thinking about the fact that my housemate doesn't wash his hands after he shits. Anything you say he has a very dramatic reaction and a defence waiting. I'm currently saving but don't have enough to move out yet. Why are people like this? He just makes everything so hard. I can never decide between living in a clean space and doing most things myself, or letting everything rot and hoping that other people will pick up the slack even though I know they probably never will.

hi!
hope this is a good community for this. can delete if not :⁾
my 22 yr old boyfriend is an autistic. i am nt. we’ve been together for about two years now, and we currently live together. he was diagnosed as a child (specifically with asperger’s), and i was aware of this before we got together. before we’d moved in, we had some really rough spots, stuff that i’d honestly define as verbal abuse, but i had that “i can fix him” mindset and continued on (i honestly really needed a roommate at the time, and my financial situation pushed this decision).
anyways, it got better for a bit, but he has very little control over his breakdowns and it’s become practically integrated into my life. if something irks him enough, it’s a meltdown. some recent examples — losing his video game, being asked to take out the trash, being asked to take a shower (he wont on his own :^/), not being able to find items, me chewing. i’m not talking getting “just upset”, i’m not talking something manageable. i’m saying he will start hitting himself and whining like a child. if i try too hard to talk him down in these states, he will start screaming (we’ve been threatened to have the cops called on us for noise complaints). i have to separate us, but our apartment is small and sitting by myself in the bedroom can get lonely. these meltdowns can also happen anywhere — at home, in the car, in public. it’s basically a daily occurrence unless he’s at home all day on his games.
its also important for me to state that i’m a victim of abuse. yelling is a pretty big trigger for me, and when he has a meltdown, i end up spiraling, and it’s really hard to come back and help him, sometimes i just can’t bounce back and ill take it out on him, yelling myself, and it all just stacks. im really not a yelling type of person, it goes to show how much the stress of this relationship has changed me. he’s attended weekly therapy sessions in the past, but he stopped last summer and hasn’t shown any interest in picking them back up. he has anxiety meds, but doesn’t take them as he “doesn’t like being medicated”.
i’ve been on a week-long vacation with him and his family and i can’t lie! it’s been rough! it’s a constant exhaustive state of being more of a mother than a girlfriend, always on the lookout for something that would make him mad so i can fix it before it gets to him, doing the best i can to ease him down when i can’t. i feel like i can never breathe properly around him, it takes just a second before shit hits the fan again. the good moments are being overshadowed with the memories of the bad.
has anyone been in a similar situation, or can anyone provide some insight to help me understand? is there something im missing that could alleviate this? he can’t get anything done like this, he still hasn’t gotten a proper job or a car because the process stresses him out so much he won’t even start on it. it sucks, i’m young and i want to be someone’s girlfriend, not their caretaker, even though i really do love him to the moon and back. any advice would be really appreciated <3 thank you all

I (22F) just split from my (23M) boyfriend of a year. He is not the first person I have been with, but he is my first love. He is the first person to make me feel valued. We had our minor arguments and miscommunication, as every couple does, however a few weeks ago it took a turn.
Let me say, I'm not perfect. I would shut down and be petty after arguments, which I now see and I am working on. He wasn't perfect either, as he struggled with confrontation. He would sometimes just try to keep me happy with gifts, showering me with my favorite gifts (flowers, stuffed animals, trinkets from my favorite movies/shows, etc.)
We usually talked out these issues, and we would say that we want each other so we could work through it. I felt that I was growing, but I struggled with depression and anxiety that shut me down. He also struggled with anxiety, however he has a great support system, with tons of friends and close familial relationships, meanwhile I come from a broken family, scattered friends, etc.
Now, here is where things went wrong. He has a foot fetish, and him being the best guy I have ever been with, I let him endure his fetish. We never really discussed boundaries, however we always asked for consent. However, one night, he got carried away after giving me a foot massage and crossed an insane boundary that I was uncomfortable with. I just laid there, I couldn't speak or move. He finished, and he looked at me, frozen. He immediately turned over and was so embarrassed and said that if I wanted to break up with him it would be okay.
In loving him, I immediately forgave him. I said I was uncomfortable after. I went home, and the next day after we agreed to meet because we both needed support. I couldn't tell anyone, except my therapist, same with him, so we met up to offer support for each other. He gave me a card saying, "it will be awkward but we will get through this," along with a few gifts like a preserved flower, a few gift cards, which I took reluctantly, feeling like he was trying to buy my forgiveness back. I told him I felt, "violated," as that is the word my therapist gave me. I didn't know any better, and I wish I could take it back, because it broke him. He cried, while I sat there awkwardly, I did not know what to do in that situation. We ended up saying that we wanted to get through this together, but we needed space.
We took a few days of space, but it got to me. I have an anxious attachment style, whereas he has an avoidant attachment style. We usually call every night, even if it's just a simple, "goodnight," but he did not want to. My sleep schedule has been affected ever since. He said he could not bear to see me, due to the embarrassment and shame he felt. I eventually could not take the distance, and asked him why we couldn't go back to normal, as I had forgave him. He then told me that he was hurting too, which I couldn't see until after (I know this was my fault and I am beating myself over it.)
Two days later, I DoorDashed him food, and when he got it, he called me saying that we needed to talk. He then came over and broke up with me, and I cannot handle it. I begged him, saying we could work through it, and all relationships take work. He then said he took full accountability for the situation, but he could not give me a relationship that I deserved, and it wasn't fair to either of us. He said I was too immature and he lost trust in me to be able to communicate when I am uncomfortable.( I have only froze one time, and I usually was very communicative when I was upset.)
The memories are flooding my brain, as I went to his house 3 or 4 times a week, stayed over on the weekends, and basically did everything with him because all my other friends were busy. He was my best friend and my everything.
When we broke up, I asked him if he lied on the card, that we would get through it. He just looked at me and said, "I'm sorry." All of the cards that he wrote me saying he wanted to do this with me, and move forward, were all lies. When i was gathering his stuff from my room, he kept trying to call me "Baby" or "Babe" and it broke me.
I have reached out to friends and they have been really great with what they can offer, as we are all still in school or in a career. My sleep has been affected, and finals are coming up next week.
I can't do anything without thinking about him. I feel like a part of me has died.
Essentially, does it get better? Do we have a shot? I know there are things we need to work on, but the fact that I cannot stop thinking about it has to mean something, right?