Invitation for goodbye lunch office

Does anyone else struggle with declining social invitations?
I'm in my early twenties and I got offically diagnosed when I was 16 (but had it since 14). I feel like I've finally reached my breaking point of telling people I'm "sick" as a vague reason for not being able to go anywhere. There's times when my infections are so bad, it doesn't matter what products I use or how many times I shower. The smell doesn't go away until the infection passes and it hurts to move (even on antibiotics).
I understand what it might look like to the other person if I'm constantly making excuses, but I just don't like telling people I have HS if I don't have to. I hate the obligation with HS of having to tell people my medical history just to navigate normal interactions.
I'm talking from birthdays to even a trip to the mall. It's as if my body knows I have plans and I get hit with a thousand infections out of nowhere. I'm at the point now where I didn't even reply if I get invited anywhere because I know I've have to decline. I feel like HS has forced me into an isolation bubble that I can't explain to more than half of the people I know (except close family).
Do any of you relate to this and/or have a way of navigating it better? I hate feeling like I'm disappointing people
Edit: Fixed Typos

TL DR; I felt like worthless because my friend didnt attempt to spend time with me for over the years. I started a fight over this and said things that perceived as terrible by my friend. Dont know how to proceed please help.
I have a close friend that I know from first year of university (2015). We have been in the same friendship circle and were somewhat close during the university. After graduation in 2019-2020 we have become closer via talking on the phone literally everyday despite living in different cities. In the summer of 2021 I moved to another country that is really far away but we stayed close by nearly talking everyday.
First problem is that despite being that close and shes calling me her top two closest friend she didnt make any attempt to say goodbye to me. After a small fight she agreed to meet for a weekend. This made me real sad because her other non-close friends got weeks of vacations with her but I only got a weekend after having a fight. But I ignored about all these because of I cared about her.
I moved back to my homecountry in August 2023, we again had a fight because she had several vacations with other non-close friends through the summer but did not attempt to meet with me. Since there were no time slot left for me, I was the one who started the fight saying that there is no time slot left for me. But again I ignored everything and continued my friendship. In September 2023 she moved to another country that is 3 hours away by plane.
In November, she came for a vacation to meet her non-close friends but again did not attempt to meet with me. I didnt say anything. In March 15 she again came for vacation and met with her non-close friends but again did not attempt to meet with me except saying that what would happen if I came by suprise. I made fun of it saying that you never did that and would never do in the future.
Her vacation at March made me really sad and I started to question our friendship. I dont live far away, if she asks I can take bus for 3-4 hours just to see be able to see her. If she wishes to come my hometown I would treat her like a princess. But still over the years she didnt attempt to see or spend time with me. I really missed my friend and I wanted to make memories with her just as she did with her other friends. Her lack of attempts or even not communicating made me question that she probably doesnt want me and of course I concluded that we are not really friends except that shes using me for her bad moods.
I started silent treatment for 3 weeks which is ended last Tuesday. On tuesday she sent me a reels about forgeting friends and I simply replied with I didnt know that we were friends. This started a fight obviously. But it was not as bad as I expected. She calmly listened and I explained everything I wrote here. Basically her lack of attempts to spend time with me make me feel like I am being used and also a worthless piece of shit. I always felt that way in my friendships and she knew everything about it, the fact that shes also doing the same to me was a terrible feeling. Surprisingly the whole conversation was calm and at the end she was constructive. She said that she knew that we had problems and she were making effort and we can work on to solve problems. I said okay but we couldnt conclude because it was getting late and she had things to do.
There is also one important thing happened during the talk. When I say non-close friends I actually talk about a particular person. They were working together for 3 years and spend a lot of time. But their relationship was not perfect. At some point last year they stopped hanging out for months and this friend literally left my friend alone while mobbing her in the office. They spent months by passive aggresive movements. Since we literally talked with my close friend everyday she was telling me the things that friend did. Since I knew all of these things naturally during our fight I said that you prefer to spend time with this particular friend who made your life sufferable for months while I was supporting you whole time, when you received the acceptance from your new work you didnt have anyone except me. It makes me very sad that you don't want to spend time with me but want to spend it with these people. Apperantly my friend didnt take this well.
I thought that on Tuesday we would start working on our problems but on Thursday she called me. She basically said that she have been really stressed because of the things that I said. Especially she didnt like that I used the things that she told me in confidence against her. I was surprised, I thought we were on the positive side and we were going to talk about her disrespect towards me. But she basically blamed me for making her sad but we couldnt talk longer because she had things to do. I didnt understand what was happening since at first she was positive but now negative?
After waiting couple of days today I called her. I tried to be positive by starting a smile. At first we had an okayish talk where I tried to understand her point. I should also note that I started with apologizing that she felt that way but I had to mention these things since it was the reason why I feel that she doesnt love me anymore and feel disrespected. Then I continued with asking what was actually she was expecting for me as a friend so we can set boundaries or set of rules to address any problems so this whole situation won't happen ever again. She didnt take that well. She told me that she doesnt want to about these things, everything should be natural according to how you feel at that moment. Its excessive to put these kind of boundaries. Shes cold right now and she doesnt know what she will want to do with me. It might be our last talk she dont know.
I dont know what to do at this point. She definetely disrespected me over and over for many times that I cant even write here. But all of them were okay for me as long as we were friends. At first I was sure that our friendship was over since she doesnt want to spend time with me. But couple of things that she said melted my heart. Especially working on things part. She was also trying to make attempts before I was sometimes responding sometimes not responding because I felt that our friendship was over. But now I am not sure. I just feel like I should do something because we were really close for a long time and she was my princess for the whole time.
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Is there anyway to fix this on my behalf? Was I really wrong with mentioning things she told me in her daily life? Please help me to find a way out of this situation.
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I know that I should have communicated much earlier about my feelings, but I my assumption was if we are not going to meet ever what kind of friendship is this?
I should also say that before I put distance on March 15, everyting was perfect. We literally facetimed everyday for hours. March 16 was my birthday, since she decided to spend my birthday with other friends couple of hours away from me I decided to go silent.
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I have another question that is eating me alive. She also mentioned that I was the only person that she fully trusted and it was a huge mistake since I always use the things that she said to me against her. In my defence for the whole time of our friendship we had only 4 fights where I said these things. And all of them were to explain why I feel disrespected just as this one. Other than addressing how I feel, I always tried to make her feel safe, seen, and respected. I never said anything negative or implied anything as much as possible. This is why she started to came to me for everything. I feel like an awful person right now. I always tried to make people safe for my whole life. I feel like the opposite. At this point if I mention anything about this it will again be "using things against her". Am I really that awful. Should I completely lock away everything people say or do I have right to get emotional?
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Please excuse my grammar errors, English is my second language and right now I cant stop shaking and crying and definetely cannot think straight
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I was working out at the gym and decided to ask this girl for her number and she gave it to me and we started talking. Me and her decided to meet up a couple times a week and whenever she was free me and her would always hangout or go to the gym together. Everytime I dropped her off at home, she would always look back at me while I'm driving away while smiling so I thought I had a shot and kept hanging out with her. I was even planning to ask her out sometime this week.
Today, me and her went to the gym and a 5 hours later she texts me saying "I should probably let you know I only want to be friends before we spend any more time together. I'm not sure what you're looking for, but I thought I should tell you just in case"
I thought I made my intentions clear when I went up to her asked for her number and started consistently hanging out with her. She even invited me over to her place to study but we just screwed around and played on her ps4 and stuff. All of our hangouts have been just between me and her except for 1 gym session with her best friend tagging along, but after the gym her best friend left so me and her went to Tim Hortons together for lunch.
Btw, I replied to her message with "yea yea all good" after he message because I at least wanted to get friendzoned with some dignity. However, I want other peoples opinion whether she changed her mind or did she really just see me as a friend from the beginning because I thought I made it obvious and thought she would turn me down from the beginning to not waste either of our times. She seems smart so I don't see how she didn't notice my intentions. Now it feels like I wasted my time when its only a few weeks left until prom.
Also any advice on what to do moving forward would be appreciated.

Due to my status as "regarded," I consulted a well known program to decipher the concise language and possible implications of 2 of the provisions within the current vote: #5 and #7
TLFR: I think I'm a "no/against" on #7. Shart GeePeeTee unraveled that simply worded noose for me, and I'm happy to vote against it
Prompt: Explain this provision to me like I'm 10 years old: "Say on Pay - An advisory vote to approve the compensation of named executive officers."
Response: "Imagine you're playing a game, and before the game starts, everyone gets to vote on how much the team captain should get paid.
So, "Say on Pay" is like that voting part. It's when people in a big company get to say whether they think the bosses should get paid a lot of money or not. But here's the thing, their vote is just advice, so even if most people say they shouldn't get paid much, the bosses can still decide what they want to do."
But that same program made me feel a bit more comfortable about #5
Prompt: Explain this provision to me like I'm 10 years old "Proposal to amend the Company's Third Amended and Restated Certificate of Incorporation to expand the exculpation provision to limit the liability of certain officers."
Response: "Okay, imagine you have a secret club, and there are certain rules that everyone in the club follows. Now, think of the "Third Amended and Restated Certificate of Incorporation" as the main rulebook of a big company.
The provision you mentioned is like a new rule they want to add to the rulebook. This new rule is called "exculpation provision," which is a fancy way of saying it protects certain important people in the company, like the officers, from getting in big trouble if something goes wrong.
So, the new rule they want to add is to make sure these officers won't get in too much trouble if something bad happens. It's like giving them a bit of extra protection."
...and then it made me want to vote against it again lol
Prompt: Could you provide a list of 5 to 10 negative outcomes from the first provision (#5)?
Response: Certainly! Here are some potential negative outcomes from the provision to expand the exculpation provision to limit the liability of certain officers:

1. Lack of Accountability: Officers may feel less accountable for their actions knowing that their liability is limited, which could lead to irresponsible decision-making.
   
2. Risky Behavior: With reduced personal risk, officers might take more risks with company resources or engage in unethical behavior.
   
3. Shareholder Distrust: Shareholders may lose trust in the company's leadership if they perceive that officers are shielded from consequences.
   
4. Poor Performance: The absence of personal liability could result in officers focusing less on their duties, leading to decreased performance and productivity.
   
5. Legal Challenges: Limiting liability could invite legal challenges from stakeholders seeking recourse for damages caused by officer misconduct or negligence.
   
6. Damage to Reputation: Public perception of the company may suffer if officers are perceived to have immunity from legal consequences, leading to reputational damage.
   
7. Shareholder Lawsuits: Shareholders may file lawsuits against the company for perceived breaches of fiduciary duty if they believe their interests are not being adequately protected.
   
8. Decreased Investor Confidence: Investors may be hesitant to invest in the company if they perceive that officers are not held accountable for their actions, leading to decreased investor confidence.
   
9. Regulatory Scrutiny: Regulatory authorities may increase scrutiny on the company's governance practices if they perceive that officers are shielded from liability, leading to potential fines or penalties.
   
10. Erosion of Corporate Culture: A culture of accountability and responsibility may erode within the company if officers are not held personally liable for their actions, leading to a negative impact on employee morale and behavior.
    

My friend got her 8-year-old to call me and ask me to come over to hang out. I have a close, sweet relationship with this kid so it was an awesome invite.
Shortly after arriving my friend's out-of-town lover showed up at the door. He'd been there all weekend, unbeknownst to me (no big deal but typically we update daily on our lives, so that was a surprise). We hang out for a bit and then BF has to 'use the bathroom', quickly followed by my friend having to 'use the bathroom'.
Cut to 45 minutes later and they are still 'using the bathroom' while I am with the kid. Which, you know, is ok but I feel VERY taken advantage of. I actually do plenty to make sure my friend gets time with her BF, having the kid over for entire weekends, even, but I left when the kid got into a solo activity, without bothering to interrupt their sexing to say goodbye.
She texted me to ask if I was ok, and I let her know that they were rude AF and took advantage of my good nature. She's pretty upset that I'm 'making a fuss', but that is actually all I've said.
AITAH?

Last year my wife of 7 years, together for 10, told me she was unhappy. I was taken completely off guard, but assured her that I was committed to working with her to fix the issue and assured her that her happiness was very important to me. Initially, the plan was to work together through marriage counseling and give things time with the hope that things would improve for her. Again, I assured her that I was fully committed to doing this, and she told me she believed me. I was concerned about it but also felt that with hard work we would come to a better place and our marriage would end up stronger and better than ever. My wife and I never fought (not sure if that is a good thing) never called each other names, and maintained a strong friendship in our marriage. I never saw this coming. I was so in love with my wife the entire time I was with her, now I feel like that love may have blinded me from certain things. Long story short, I found out about two weeks later that she started talking to her ex-boyfriend, whom she dated for one year ten years ago, and always described as abusive and traumatizing. One night she went out with her friends, I found out she was lying and was at his house. At this point, I told her she wasn't interested in working on the marriage and told her I would find a place to live. I asked that she be respectful for the time being so things wouldn't blow up and I assured her I would leave, but I didn't want the situation to spiral because we have two kids, and she has been a stepmother to my older three kids for most of their lives. During the process of finding a place to live for myself, she continued to see him and talk to him daily. She has admitted to these things after much push for the truth. Fast forward to months later, I have my own house, I have my kids 50% of the time, I've suffered greatly but I'm in a good mental space for the most part, things are coming around and going well. Over the past couple of months, my best friend of 25 years and I have fallen into a relationship. It blows my mind that it has happened. We were very close through middle school, high school, college, etc. She. ended up married, I ended up married, we didn't talk for 10 years, but we came back together as friends. It started as us reconnecting by going to lunch and seeing each other a little more, and off things went from there. I'm very happy with the way things are going. We are so much alike and so naturally close. Recently my ex-mother-in-law, with whom I have a good relationship and respect very much, noticed a mostly meaningless conversation between me and my girlfriend on Facebook. She texted a screenshot of it with a very long message that was to the effect of saying she hoped I would have taken this time to heal my marriage for myself, and my kids. She said.I was being disrespectful to her daughter for being out in the open with my conversation, and said I must not have loved her daughter like I appeared to if I moved on from my marriage so quickly (8 months later). Of course, I responded. Told her that her daughter didn't deserve my respect after cheating, one time of which happened at a bar where a parent of a kid who goes to school with our child and who knows myself and my ex works at. The truth is if anything, I have been too nice. My ex comes to my house to see our kids anytime she wants, knows the code to get into my house, and was invited to holiday brunch because I had the kids. Even when I found out, I found a place to live and left quietly. Didnt raise my voice, didnt call names, just took a couple things and left. It made me feel like this is my fault, and I hate that. Why it would be on me to fix a marriage, that is impossible to fix, for my kids is insane to say. She knows that her daughter cheated, I wish I didnt care about this as much as I do but it bothered me. What I'm hoping to get out of this post is advice on how to deal with other people's opinions, because of course, they will have them in any situation.

I've worked in my current job for over 2 years now and throughout that time I have had 10 exams I have had to complete. I started at the same time as two other people, lets call them Nicole and Liam. The three of us get on really well and have helped each other out and supported each other throughout exams.
As the job is primarily work from home, we haven't met up in person as much as we would like. Liam lives in a different town to me and Nicole and our office is in a town none of us live in.
We recently found out we had passed our final exam so Nicole suggested we all go out for drinks to celebrate. I agreed and said it would be good for us to meet up. Liam apologised but said it wouldn't be easy for him to get to us but for us to still meet up anyway and he'll see us in the office another time.
Since it was just going to be me and Nicole we suggested inviting our partners along. Nicole's boyfriend messaged me to thank me for the invite but said he was away with work so would not be able to make it but that he hopes we have a good night. I invited my girlfriend and she just refused. She didn't have a reason, she just said she didn't want to. I said fair enough but mentioned I was still planning on going out to celebrate.
My girlfriend said I should not be going out with just Nicole but I pointed out the only reason it is just me and Nicole is because she is refusing to come. My gf said it's disrespectful but I just repeated that I'm still going and that I deserve to go and celebrate my achievements.
She just repeated that I was being disrespectful and unreasonable and that I should be cancelling.
AITA for going for drinks with a colleague?

I've worked in my current job for over 2 years now and throughout that time I have had 10 exams I have had to complete. I started at the same time as two other people, lets call them Nicole and Liam. The three of us get on really well and have helped each other out and supported each other throughout exams.
As the job is primarily work from home, we haven't met up in person as much as we would like. Liam lives in a different town to me and Nicole and our office is in a town none of us live in.
We recently found out we had passed our final exam so Nicolesuggested we all go out for drinks to celebrate. I agreed and said it would be good for us to meet up. Liamapologised but said it wouldn't be easy for him to get to us but for us to still meet up anyway and he'll see us in the office another time.
Since it was just going to be me and Nicole we suggested inviting our partners along. Nicole's boyfriend messaged me to thank me for the invite but said he was away with work so would not be able to make it but that he hopes we have a good night. I invited my girlfriend and she just refused. She didn't have a reason, she just said she didn't want to. I said fair enough but mentioned I was still planning on going out to celebrate.
My girlfriend said I should not be going out with just Nicole but I pointed out the only reason it is just me and Nicole is because she is refusing to come. My gf said it's disrespectful but I just repeated that I'm still going and that I deserve to go and celebrate my achievements.
She just repeated that I was being disrespectful and unreasonable and that I should be cancelling. I don't see why it's a problem tbh so I'm just looking for different perspectives and opinions on what I can do here?
tl;dr my girlfriend said I was being unreasonable for going out for celebratory drinks with a colleague to celebrate a shared achievement. My girlfriend is invited but is choosing not to go.

TW: Harassment
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Well, I (28m) actually got yelled at for the first time in my career and it’s for helping another department out. For context, I work purchasing in a government setting very politically driven in the USA. For identity purposes I will call the person who yelled at me Richard (55+m). Richard was a big help to get someone big elected, let’s call him Oscar, and put into a big position of power. During the campaign run, Richard was hired in a part time position. After the election victory, he was rewarded with a full-time position almost instantly as a supervisor. Unfortunately, in heavily political environment workplaces that’s how you get ahead, although I have done the same yet I have not been rewarded at the slightest. In the span of less than a year of Oscar’s term, he manages to get the one who endorsed him to retire and many others who are in the same political party that endorsed him to either be fired from their positions or resign. Prior to the resignation of one of our beloved employees who was politically adjacent to the endorsing party, Oscar had Richard follow her as she would leave the building for an agenda that I wish I would never find out. She caught Richard and filed charges with our Labor Counsel, but nothing came up. She even filed sexual harassment charges as well and it was not taken seriously. Worst of all is that it was women who downplayed her harassment as well. Oscar and Richard furthermore added more crooked employees on “their side” to further harass and belittle our employees who just want to do their jobs. Jobs that we have been doing for many years. Safe to say that that side of employees are inept as many of them do not speak the common language of the public in our place. Oscar would have baby fits when things wouldn’t go his way and he does not want to address more pressing topics, such as a mold issue that has been existing for at least 4 years that I have worked here. I and many others have had our health affected through this
I hope this context is clear and it shows how bad my work environment. I keep things very vague because this is a government setting and I could lose my job for this if details went out.
Now on to the actual story
I have been helping Richard in setting up a vendor for ordering his goods, because he is inept and has messed up all the other times he tries to do anything. I do not have to do this. My responsibilities only involve actual accounts payable and paying vendors. The supervisors and their respective departments are responsible for ordering and receiving their goods before I put them through for payment. Many times, when Richard will try and do a project, it falls flat on its face. Last Summer our building did not have air conditioning, and rather than finding quotes to fix the a/c unit, he spends on stand-up air conditioners that use water as a filtration medium. Remember the mold issue? We have carpets full of mold and now with this air conditioning method, who knows what could’ve been flying in the air.
I’ve been in constant communication with this vendor throughout this entire month of April. I initiated contact at the beginning of the month submitting all appropriate documents and I awaited further instructions from the vendor. After 7 days we were denied our net 30 terms. I then communicated further to try and get us approved. This is week 1.
The second week of April, I caught a bad case of food poisoning. Thankfully, my bosses and my department as a whole has covered me and did my work. I was still able to communicate with the vendor as my emails are hooked up to my computer. I got the account to be pre-approved with a $2000 credit limit. However, Richard wanted a to spend much more than that. Our account was only pre-approved as well as we needed to acquire and send more documents. When I told Richard of the preapproval, he yelled at me the first time saying how this was urgent and he needed to purchase the goods. Then I told him about the credit limit and he yelled at me again and told me to get it raised. I immediately contacted the vendor and requested a credit limit increase. I was later then asked to wait 4-7 business days for their credit manager to respond. Richard yelled at me again to follow up every day. I did not. Richard is not my boss, and we will just sour our relationship with the vendor even before we do business with each other.
Week 3 comes and we are still in preapproval, our request for a credit extension has been denied because new accounts cannot request for a credit limit until 12 months of the creation. I was not as attentive to this manner with Richard and the vendor this week as week 3 is when I pay all the bills for the month for our whole business. I need to make sure all invoices are given to me, coded correctly, and filed for payment. This usually takes about 3 days for the maximum payments to go out on time and in an orderly manner. Rush jobs leads to vendors being unpaid until the next month. Richard asks for an update, and the vendor has not gotten back to me yet. He then yells and me again for this whole situation. He later orders a laptop from a 3rd party vendor from China. Best believe in a government setting that is based in America we sent that laptop straight back.
Then we go to my breaking point
First Richard comes by the office window asks about the vendor (but he kept saying another vendor cos he’s stupid and doesn’t even know the name of the vendor he chose) I said that we received a letter in the mail yesterday (4/25) that we were approved. I told him that I would give him instructions after I finished doing something I had to do for finance, I was organizing invoices for next month’s payments to get a head start. He then yelled at me saying I wasn’t giving attention to this manner. My coworker told me I should’ve laid him out on the deck right then and there for this harassment. This was right before I left to lunch at around 11:50
Around 2:50-3:00, when I am alone without my bosses and my fellow department members, he texts my work cellphone number the following…
‘What's the status with the vendor? When can I use our account? What is the account # n etcs? Please send me an email ASAP. Thank you. Richard’ 2:34PM
I was alone with no one to defend me.
Immediately after I go to his office give him the information which has all the directions and tell him that he has a $2000 credit limit.
He starts yelling again saying that why wasn’t I able to get the increase and I just calmly told him that that’s the starting credit limit and they won’t raise it for another 12 months. Then, still yelling, he says to make another email with him CC’d asking for another credit increase so he can have the reasoning in writing.
I went to my office to print out the email of the representative saying that we won’t be able to get it increased for another 12 months. I gave him the email. He still was yelling at me saying stuff about the timetables and why I couldn’t do this like right away. He just kept yelling at me and then I walked past him and stormed out of my office. I said out loud that I’m not going to deal with this right now. He says it’s my job to do this for him.
He tells me to go to the big boss’s, let’s call him Roger, office and now he’s yelling at me in front of Roger. So, I calmly try to explain it to Richard again but he keeps yelling so I raise my voice back. Roger yells at the both of us to stop yelling and we will handle this on Monday. He says we will do this professionally on Monday. He tells Richard to calm down multiple times because he kept going after the fact. I end up sitting in his office for a while.
Roger only tells me to calm down after he sees me crying and Richard had left, he said that it was easier said than done. I didn’t cry in front of Richard. He says that if it is urgent then we’ll handle it, if not then it can wait til Monday. I tell Roger that I’m just trying my best to help him, but we are at the mercy of the company. He said that we will talk about it more Monday.
After I gave Roger his paystub and the log in information for his online portal, he just said that he was going to do it and to have a good weekend. I then close and lock my office door, sit down by the door and then cry more until the shift is over.
This is a very poorly written summary of what I went through, but the anonymity and vagueness is necessary to protect my job, which for the just working aspect is fantastic. My bosses are really nice and we really do feel like a family. The work is not hard and the only difficult part about it is when politics come into play, which prior to this year was very few moments and the conflict did not last long. Now under Oscar’s administration, him and his crooked staff has single handedly ruined our work environment. I don’t want to leave because the work aspect of it is really REALLY accommodating, the commute is less than 14 minutes, my benefits and PTO are amazing, and all the other non-affiliated employees and department heads are really nice. I felt like I hit the jackpot with this one. That and I need money too and I get compensated decently. I cannot afford to not work if I want to meet all my goals before I’m 30.
I just want justice. Something has to come and save us, right?

I've worked in my current job for over 2 years now and throughout that time I have had 10 exams I have had to complete. I started at the same time as two other people, lets call them Nicole and Liam. The three of us get on really well and have helped each other out and supported each other throughout exams.
As the job is primarily work from home, we haven't met up in person as much as we would like. Liam lives in a different town to me and Nicole and our office is in a town none of us live in.
We recently found out we had passed our final exam so Nicolesuggested we all go out for drinks to celebrate. I agreed and said it would be good for us to meet up. Liamapologised but said it wouldn't be easy for him to get to us but for us to still meet up anyway and he'll see us in the office another time.
Since it was just going to be me and Nicole we suggested inviting our partners along. Nicole's boyfriend messaged me to thank me for the invite but said he was away with work so would not be able to make it but that he hopes we have a good night. I invited my girlfriend and she just refused. She didn't have a reason, she just said she didn't want to. I said fair enough but mentioned I was still planning on going out to celebrate.
My girlfriend said I should not be going out with just Nicole but I pointed out the only reason it is just me and Nicole is because she is refusing to come. My gf said it's disrespectful but I jus repeated that I'm still going and that I deserve to go and celebrate my achievements. She just repeated that I was being disrespectful and unreasonable and that I should be cancelling. How woudl you handle this?
tl;dr my girlfriend said I was being unreasonable for going out for celebratory drinks with a colleague to celebrate a shared achievement. My girlfriend is invited but is choosing not to go. How would you handle this?

I've worked in my current job for over 2 years now and throughout that time I have had 10 exams I have had to complete. I started at the same time as two other people, lets call them Nicole and Liam. The three of us get on really well and have helped each other out and supported each other throughout exams.
As the job is primarily work from home, we haven't met up in person as much as we would like. Liam lives in a different town to me and Nicole and our office is in a town none of us live in.
We recently found out we had passed our final exam so Nicolesuggested we all go out for drinks to celebrate. I agreed and said it would be good for us to meet up. Liamapologised but said it wouldn't be easy for him to get to us but for us to still meet up anyway and he'll see us in the office another time.
Since it was just going to be me and Nicole we suggested inviting our partners along. Nicole's boyfriend messaged me to thank me for the invite but said he was away with work so would not be able to make it but that he hopes we have a good night. I invited my girlfriend and she just refused. She didn't have a reason, she just said she didn't want to. I said fair enough but mentioned I was still planning on going out to celebrate.
My girlfriend said I should not be going out with just Nicole but I pointed out the only reason it is just me and Nicole is because she is refusing to come. My gf said it's disrespectful but I jus repeated that I'm still going and that I deserve to go and celebrate my achievements. She just repeated that I was being disrespectful and unreasonable and that I should be cancelling.
AITAH for going for celebratory drinks with a colleague?

The point of this post is for me to understand some of what I believe to be "common" behaviors, and to see if anyone has had similar experiences. Sorry if this is long, I typed it out and didn't realize it would be haha. I guess this turned into a bit of a vent.
Background: We are both 35, Me (m) her (F), we both have a child from previous relationships. We met in Oct of 2019, we had gone to HS together but never talked or hung out then. We met up through mutual friends, and began hanging out often right out of the gate. This were whirlwind, we slept together on the first date, which she told me "She never does". Told me she slept better in my presence than any other time in her life. I was the hero, and all was well. (Same old story lol) and by Jan we were talking about living together. The onset of Covid rushed this, as lockdowns began, we grabbed up a rental and moved in together. We wanted to at least be together as a family if Lockdowns were coming. Thigs were still good for months, and we both handwaved the speed at which thing moved, happily blaming it on covid. We went on an amazing vacation in June of that year (road trip, the roads were empty, again, because Covid.) We got a puppy on this trip and surprised our kids when we got back. By this time there had been a few arguments, but nothing I saw (at the time) as any red flags. She brought her ex up somewhat often in the beginning, and we laughed at some of his antics together. He isnt the brightest bulb, but I didnt see this as a red flag at the time. However, as the summer waned, the arguments kicked up in frequency and intensity. by September, she was telling me things like "you should find someone better" "Im not worth it" etc. I was heartbroken, but now I see this as a "soft exit" she was attempting. I didn't bite, I loved her and was devoted. The arguments got worse, and her "soft exit" turned hard, fast. By late Nov, she was a miserable, stressed angry person who was never happy with anything. Then she kicked me out (and my son, who was 7 at the time). I was on the lease, and didnt actually have to leave, but I did because I wanted to be amicable and I was still so in love with her. Kicked out last week of Nov. She had a new BF by Christmas, and spent the next few months in NC. Come Feb 2021, she started reaching out occasionally. Initially about something benign, like mail. then they just kept going. I was asking to see her, etc, she kept telling me "me talking to you makes NEWBF uncomfortable, we shouldn't" etc etc. I said I didnt care if he was uncomfortable, HER AND I were meant to be etc etc. This back and forth continued through that summer, and in Aug she broke up with him, and I moved back in that Sept. Whirlwind # 2, which as you all my have guessed, didn't last as long. By Jan-March of 2022, we were arguing a lot again, and things were starting to feel awful again between us. My SIL was helping her get a new much more lucrative job, and it "wasn't happening fast enough" and she was all kinds of touchy, angry all the time. Eventually she DID end up getting the job and working from home, and was much happier. Looking back however, I believe this changed effect her view of my "value", as she was now making more than I was. She started complaining a lot about me not pulling my weight, but our budget and exepenses hadnt changed, nor had the amount I was contributing to these things. Seasons effect her mood quite a lot, and by Spring we had gotten a 2nd puppy, and things were again pretty happy most of the time. We planned a 2nd vacation, for the same week in June as the first one, and this time we took our kids. Amazing vacation, best week of my life. During this vacation, i bought a ring at a local mom and pop jewler, and with the help of the kids, popped the question during the high point of our vacation. She was thrilled, kids were thrilled. We head home, 2 weeks of happy, excited wedding brainstorming. Then she went cold. The romance died off very quickly. She started going to a new Gym, and would talk to me about people (guys) she had met there, and brought them up often, talking about how cool they were. I eventually told her these felt like comparisons and I wasnt a big fan, but was glad she was enjoying a new sport. Then my annual "Summers end" camping trip with friends was a drama fest, where she drank too much, and was very flirty (just BARELY mild enough to be able to brush it off when asked about it) with one of my best friends. He was even offput by it, which he and I discussed after the fact. The last few weeks of summer were pretty awful. She caused a big scene at my brothers house, and cried, smearing her makeup, and came out looking a mess. My SIL told her to go back in, as to not worry the kids and she said "they should see this, they should see how me makes me FEEL!" So by late Sept. she was telling me to leave again, I was trying to fix things. One morining right after I put the kids on the bus, she blew up at me over my angry response to two weeks of passive agressive comments about a stupid water jug. She told me she wanted me gone then and there. My son got on the bus, and never got to come home. Never said goodbye to his step sister, his dogs, his house (which he LOVED), his classmates or anything else. I had to pull him from that school, a week into 2nd grade, so Myexwife and I could enroll him in the town she lives in. I had nowhere to go. I had stayed 9 months at a friends house the first breakup, but that wasnt an option this time. I ended up having to stay in a camper for 6 months, which STRONGLY jeopardized my 50/50 custody. Because kids shouldnt sleep in campers through the winter. OBVIOUSLY. 2 months after kicking me out, she told me she found out she had been pregnant since July, and hadn't known. She said she was scheduling a last min termination. We hadn't talked in weeks at that point. She went and did that, and we went back to NC. She stared dating a new guy, from the gym. That didn't last, and she was hitting me up for hookups by January (which had to be secret, I was blocked on SOcial Media). I lapped it up like the eager doormat I was. She went cold on me again in Feb, started dating another new guy, which lasted another few months. Recycle for a month in July, and was very upfront and cold about it being purely physical. I told her that was really hard as i obviously still loved her. She told me she was "figuring herself out, and was blissfully unattached". I missed her, our home, our dogs, our family. She knew it. She slow faded me through August, and I stopped reaching out. October of last year rolled around, and I shot her a message, I was curious, still hurt, and lonely. She told me she met someone new, he made her SO HAPPY, and that i shouldn't reach out anymore. I said Okay, and didn't. I sent a very business-like, typed, letter in early Nov, asking for the last of my belongings back. That was all that was in the letter. Her new BF texted me and was a vulgar, crass machismo tough guy. Couldn't articulate a full sentence, but was basically telling me to "leave them alone, give up, stop bothering them" I was confused and told him I hadn't reached out since Oct and Wasnt planning to, especially after that awful conversation. Months of peace and healing began. Then, as I was living my life, back in Jan, I got more angry texts from him, this time about some mail that had shown up with my name on it (i had no idea). Again i was accused of reaching out, being a stalker, all sorts of nonsense. I again told him I didn't care, and that if he reached out like this again I would take needed steps, blocked him, and went on with life. Then, it happened AGAIN about 2 weeks ago. I got a call from her number, which I didn't answer, then a stream of angry texts, inviting me to go fight him, him threatining me, accusing me of having been abusive of her (she said the same thing to me about her ex) him telling me how much of a "B***h and a P***Y, and a loser" he has be told I am. He bragged that he "put a ring on it". I had to laugh at that one, (good luck dude) again I said, last straw, if i hear from you again, Im calling the cops. I dont care, go away etc. I haven't heard anything since. However she did reach out to my SIL the day after, about something totally random, and they hadnt spoken in ages, but had been very close when we were together. So odd.
Here are the points I want to address. 1. Serial Monogamy. - Can they ever be alone? like, EVER?

1. Cognitive Dissonance - It took me SO LONG to realize that the person I fell in love with, and STAYED in love with way too long was simply a smokescreen. Then during the breakups, I feel sooooo "less than" to be replaced by obvious downgrades. However, only recently, I've truly come to understand that All of the "In love" versions of her are equally fake, and uniquely cultivated for each new man. The person I loved was never real, i think it just felt "realer" to me, because were together longer, and we were what felt like, a perfect match. The argumentative, manipulative, callous and unscrupulous person i knew at the end of relationships was the real her. I thought that was the broken, backside of her perfect shining coin all along. Nope. Other way around.
   
2. Serial Recycles - She doesn't do this with every guy, so why did she do it with me? (although, I think I've seen the last of the recycle attempts, and I wouldn't participate in them at this point either.
   
3. Patterns - Has anyone else had a partner that is very sensitive to things like changing seasons, seasonal depression, or even erratic behavior near the full moon? All of these things applied to her, and one could almost set a calendar to her flighty moods and outbursts.
   
4. Projection, Smear campaign, and re-writing history - All the awful things she told Newguy, (whom i dont know and have never met) to make him hate me so much, but I fell victim to the same mind games about her ex before me. I can't understand what they see as profit for triangulation though. That part has always confused me greatly. What is to be gained by doing this? What's more is that I think she actually ends up believing these smear lies she makes up to crap on her ex, in order to praise the newguy. Then there are all the arguments that were entirely my fault, despite being very conveniently timed for her, and very manufactured feeling.
   

So again, sorry for length. Have any of you had similar experiences? Are these like, default BPD behaviors? Everyday I look back, and am equally amazed that I remained blind for so long, that I let this be done to me, and scariest of all, the "boiling frog" circumstances under which it happened, and progressed without my noticing it.
I can even now, say, knowing all I do, that she is very smart, charismatic, and so convincing. I've heard her brag about how she can manipulate co-workers and subordinates, friends and family. The flags were there all along, but would'nt you know? red flags are hard to see while wearing rose colored glasses.
Thank you from coming to my TEDtalk haha.

I'm looking to get a used Toyota; from my research, I'm guessing it will be around $20,000. Here's my current financial state:

• All I have in savings is around $45k saved up in a HYSA as an emergency fund, but realistically I'd only be comfortable once my emergency fund is closer to $100k since I have people who may be dependent on me and I'm not super secure in my current job position at the moment
• Current living expenses are around $1200 per month (could be closer to $2000 a month or higher if things go awry). Expenses will also go up once I get car insurance -- I would be around 24 years old and a new driver so I'm not expecting great rates here
• Credit score is 750
• Take home pay is around 55k a year

Is it worth it to get a car loan and pay the interest on that, or should I pay the car in full straightaway and accept the risks that come with wiling out half my emergency fund? Or do I just need to wait and remain carless until I'm in a better position financially? I work an office job so I feel like a bit of a laughing stock for having to mooch off other people for rides to work lunches, etc.
Thanks for your time!

Last night I got home from work and my Mom and I agreed to go get dinner and bring it home as my Dad is sick. After making multiple unnecessary stops, I told her each time I was tired and also catching the cold from my Dad so I just wanted to go home. On the way home (after about 45 min), we made small talk and she brought up my boyfriend.
She asked when he would get his license and I couldn't remember the exact date, but told her within the next month if not the next two weeks. She took this as me making excuses for him and lying, saying shes going to message his parents as he's been driving himself to school and work. I told her she has no place in this and that its none of our business. I also reminded her that she didn't know their situation as she's barely talked to them (even though we've dated for well over a year now). I warned her I did not want to fight and was tired and she kept yelling at me and said how I'm supporting and dating a criminal and that this was illegal. She continued yelled at me saying how this isn't a fight and is "A MATTER OF WHATS RIGHT AND WRONG."
I snapped at her and asked if she was special needs. I yelled back at her and explained their situation, basically how they were struggling to afford behind the wheel training and got special permission from the office to have him drive himself to school and work which is what he's been doing. So basically, he and his family have done nothing wrong and she has no place to try and berate them for a situation she doesn't even know about. She then threatened to make me walk home (it would've been about an hour or two walk) and I stayed silent. She pulled into a street and dropped me off there around 8:20 PM, I just found a bench to sit on and called my Dad and warned him I was on 8% so couldn't call for long but he picked me up as soon as he could.
When we got home she wasnt there, so my Dad went out to go find her through her location and found her shopping. It's the afternoon of the next day now and we haven't spoken since. We were supposed to go out for lunch today but its already 2 PM. I don't really know what to do, I still love her but at the same time I feel like my life is pointless and she doesn't care about me. I feel bad for asking if she was sped but then I dont know why she would push it when I warned her. AITAH?

I (17M) have known my special needs friend (17F) since the 6th grade and we’ve become great friends from there. She has a severe case of autism and she may be a little slow, she also has to have an aid person with her at school, and the only time I see her is during lunch and around the beginning and the end of school. Sometimes I’ll hang out with her outside of school and we’ll go do something together like ice cream, pizza, movies, and more.
When we spend time together, she's often joined by her older sister or one of her parents, if they're available. Her family has always been kind and inclusive towards me, inviting me to events and her birthday celebrations. I've noticed she sometimes struggles with communication and understanding, and I'm happy to help clarify things for her and offer support when needed.
When I first met her, she was introverted and reserved, but as she grew more comfortable around me, she blossomed into a vibrant and engaging conversationalist. We now share profound and meaningful discussions, which brings me great joy. Her kindness, sweetness, and beauty shine from within, making her a truly lovable and endearing person, especially once you get to know her. Lately, I've developed feelings for her, and every time we meet, I'm filled with excitement and nervous anticipation, like a flutter in my chest.
When I gaze into her eyes I see beauty, almost heavenly. I take time to make sure she feels comfortable and has a good time, I love to hang out with her more than my other friends. I enjoy every single thing about her, even her flaws.
I have a feeling for her that I can only describe as Love. I want to ask her out, but I don’t people to think that I’m trying to take advantage of her.
Is it okay to want to pursue her romantically?

My best friend lives abroad and this is my second time visiting him. I came here to stay three months and get to know more places than I did last year. Yesterday he told me he felt very depressed and made serious comments about not wanting to live. I offered dropping lunch, coffee or whatever to which he thanked me for and told me it was not necessary. A few minutes later he tells me that he’s in a restaurant with two other friends. I hesitated to go at first because it sounded a little like a last minute invitation. I got there and they had already eaten. They were all looking at each other in a weird way and also had big backpacks with them. They were all going on a trip to a city that’s two hours away. He left me alone in the restaurant, with my chicken and waffles untouched. I felt like crying. And tried to convince myself that it wasn’t a big deal. He later texted me that he didn’t invite me because he thought I was going to get bored and that he would see me today.
I was very upset and told him that he never made real plans with me, it’s always me visiting him whether we’re in our home country or abroad. Or last minute invitation to his plans with other people. I might not have addressed the issue in the best way. I texted him “you’re horrible” and later let him know how one sided everything felt all the time. There’s a bigger issue happening but I know for a fact that inviting someone to lunch to leave them as soon as you finish eating is a pretty shitty thing to do.

46F, 175 lbs. History: - diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, mild depression. On Vyvanse 30mg, bupropion 300mg, escitalopram 10mg. - diagnosed with premature ovarian insufficiency at age 36, on HRT (Estradot 50 and Prometrium 100) for that - had partial thyroidectomy at age 38 due to 4cm oncocytoma (Hurthle cell). - all blood tests including TSH, iron, liver panel, urinalysis normal at last annual physical 5 months ago. - non-smoker, non-drinker (maybe 3 glasses wine per year), no recreational drugs.
I took on a new job last year as I was promised more work-life balance (had done 60-70 hour weeks for years before that). It worked for the first month, but as I’m in a role that’s not easy to fill, I have again been doing 70-hour weeks consistently since November. My life is basically get up, go to work, go home late, grab something quick to eat, finish going through the day’s e-mails, drop into bed, and repeat.
I think I’ve been managing really well, but my eating habits have become horrendous (like, grab a muffin for lunch and dinner with some caffeine inbetween). As I’m so exhausted when I get home, I haven’t been exercising. On average I’ll have 2,000 steps in a day, when normally I’d be sitting at 10,000+. I used to head to the mountains (only an hour away) every Saturday for big elevation and long distance hikes/XC skiing year-round. Now I literally haven’t even been on a walk around the neighborhood since Christmas. Brushing my teeth has become a chore, same for showering, though as soon as I’m in the office I can somehow just go go go.
What concerned me now is that this weekend it feels like I had nothing left in me. Yesterday for lunch and meal prepping I made some chicken, rice and veggies, and just a few fork fulls of that made me nauseous. Everything felt gross. I’ve been holding on to furniture just for some strength when moving around. Last night I felt I needed food so bad, but getting to the kitchen and quickly warming up a prepped meal from early and put together a salad was so daunting that I felt I’d have to crawl to the kitchen. Instead I ordered in a burger with caesar salad and actually managed to eat half of that.
I’ve given up my weekend outings, haven’t seen family and friends in months (except for my dad whom I saw for an hour twice), gave up a hobby (took skating lessons with a coach, but she dropped me as I couldn’t make evening practice 3x a week). I have been speaking with a counselor for three years every 6 weeks as I used to have horrible health anxiety (mom had breast cancer, died of ovarian cancer, had a stroke, both of my parents have had emergency brain surgery within a year of eachother, etc). I don’t have a family of my own, so sometimes feel that maybe work has been an escape or coping mechanism of some sort.
I don’t cry, or feel happiness/sadness - everything is just kinda neutral - but yesterday was different. Almost like my body was telling me I can’t keep living like this. Rational me can see how this is abusing my body, and I know I need to do better (statistics aren’t in my favor either - we have BRCA1 in the family, and the generics clinic who went through generations of family history indicated that about 90% of the women on my mom’s side of the family passed away from ovarian cancer and/or breast cancer around age 52-53). I tested negative and do not have that specific mutation (duplication of exon 13, 6kb). But I digress.
So apart from this complete exhaustion this past weekend, I have also noticed quite significant hair loss. I understand that it’s normal to lose ~80 hairs a day, but I get quite full hair brushes, plus lots of shedding on clothes. It seems all concentrated in one big path in the top of my head. My hairdresser also commented on this. I do not use any harsh hair products or color my hair (last time I had colored my hair was pre-pandemic) and this hair loss really picked up 4-5 months ago.
So, does this sound like it’s only stress? Or could this be something hormonal? I had seen an endocrinologist (years ago now) who referred me back to my family doctor (I’m in Canada) to manage my HRT. From what I have been reading, those of us with POI need higher doses, but have never had my doctor agree to that. I do have extreme vaginal dryness and literally zero libido these last 7-8 years.
Would really appreciate any insight.

Part 1
I’m sorry it took so long for me to get this update posted.
Everything that happened has been… well… a lot... to process. At first, I didn’t want to even write it down – I didn’t want to relive that night, but I guess I can’t avoid it forever. Especially knowing what I know now – that I may never have another chance to.
Almost two years to the day from my first post, my best friend Liz disappeared from room 347 in the middle of the final night of our stay at a swanky hotel. I woke up alone the next morning to the door still bolted from the inside, she had left everything behind. The only place she could’ve gone was through the dark, narrow space behind the small door and false wall – leading from our room into a space that never should’ve existed. Even after crawling through it myself, I never found her.
The manager of the hotel and the police were not just insistent that she left of her own volition – their tones and expressions became almost threatening when I pushed further.
Her fiancé, Jarrod, and I had been searching for her ever since.
When I received the invitation to stay at that same hotel, in that same room, of course I knew the risks. But, in the hopes that it could give us even a slim chance of finding Liz, I accepted it.
So, I bought a little canister of triple action pepper spray, and packed my bag.
Something in the back of my mind told me that to bring Jarrod with me would mean I’d never find out what happened to her that night. I scheduled an email to go out to him the morning after the final night of my stay, explaining where I’d gone.
You know – just in case I never came back.
I’ve been home for a while now and I’m still struggling to put some of the pieces together – I’m starting to accept that there are some things I may never fully understand. I’m afraid of what may be coming next.
During my recent stay, I didn’t spend much time in the room, with its overpowering smell of bleach – mingled with something else that I couldn’t quite place. Mostly, I tried to search the surrounding city for anything I may have missed before, and of course, explored every inch of that hotel that I could.
Details that I either didn’t catch during our first stay, or pay enough attention to, are now haunting me – details such as how a ritzy looking hotel in the middle of a popular tourist destination never seemed to have anyone else in it.
Or, how there was no way to get to the 7th floor. The buttons so casually skipped from 6 to 8 on the lone elevator that I hadn’t caught it during our first stay. From the main stairs, where there should’ve been an entrance to the hallway, the landing just led to a solid wall.
Once I felt that I’d seen as much of the 3rd floor as I could, I decided to venture deeper into the 4th floor on the second day. On first glance, when the elevator doors opened, it seemed as modern and welcoming as my own floor – albeit with that same feeling of wrongness lurking just below the surface. Once I made it down the hallway and rounded a blind corner, though, the new carpet and cheery paint all stopped abruptly.
I found myself surrounded by the original, fading wallpaper, stains marring the swirling patterns of the torn carpets. Even the light fixtures along the walls looked dated – most struggled to stay on at all. I finally turned back and ran, when they appeared to give out and plunged the windowless hallway into total darkness without warning.
When I calmed down, I checked the other floors. Other than the 3rd, each one I could access all had that same feature – once you reached the portion out of sight from the elevator, the façade abruptly fell away.
Whenever I crossed over to the old, unrenovated side, I always felt a wave of discomfort – that prey instinct of when there’s no one else around you, but you can tell that you are most certainly not alone.
Traveling down those halls felt like stepping back in time, but to a time that was clearly best left forgotten.
Initially, I told myself maybe that was their way of saving money – neglecting the portions that most guests would never see – trying to find some source of courage in willful ignorance.
But when I looked closely, I’d see hints that I was not the first person to walk those halls: a cracked worn and plastic hotel key – still far too modern for those ancient looking doors in the – the glint of a single lost earring. Coming across items left behind from those that came before me made me wonder if their owners ever made it out – the words from the officer two years before were still fresh in my mind.
‘It’s not uncommon for people to visit a city like this and never leave.’
I wondered how many other grieving friends and family members he’d spoken them to.
The night I found it, I’d been wandering around one of those eerily quiet floors. I’d gone further into the winding hallways than I’d ever felt brave enough to before, when I was drawn to a bit of brick peeking out from under cracked plaster and peeling wallpaper in the distance. It was almost entirely bathed in shadows – just beyond where the struggling hall lights had long since given up, and seemed even older than everything else around it. There was a thin gap in the mortar and while it was so dark that I couldn’t see anything, I could feel a faint, stale breeze that carried with it an overpowering smell of rotting meat.
Gagging, I turned around abruptly to see the hotel manager just a couple of feet behind me. I wouldn’t have been able to see him in the shadowy corner at all, save for his eyes glinting at me, unnatural looking in the low light.
I pushed past him without incident, but I couldn’t help but wonder if that hadn’t been the first time he’d silently followed me down the dimly lit hallways.
After that, I made more of an effort to avoid him and his predatory smile, which was easier said than done, since he always seemed to be working – almost as if he never left the hotel.
Every floor I could access had a similar makeshift wall in the same place. I eventually realized it was once a second elevator shaft, since bricked in and plastered over. Once, in the near silence, I thought I heard the sound of something moving behind it.
It was probably easier to seal it off than to fix it, I’d told myself at the time.
I preferred that explanation, rather than to acknowledge my distinct feeling that there was something – not someone, some thing – back there that I had no desire to meet.
Eventually I reached the final night of my stay, no closer to finding out what happened to her.
The only thing left that I could think to do was to try and recreate what I believed may have happened to her that night.
As I prepared for bed, I shoved my phone in my pajama pocket, and grabbed my little can of pepper spray.
My grand plan at that point was to pretend to be asleep, and see if anyone came for me that night. If they did, I’d use the pepper spray and try and get a photo of them, some sort of proof that Liz hadn’t left of her own volition – something that could help us find her.
It may not have been the best idea. Looking back, it was a pretty shitty one.
One that had seemed so much better when I’d been packing my bag in my well-lit bedroom at home the week before. But, I knew it would be the last chance I’d ever get to find out what happened to Liz. After glancing nervously at my small can of pepper spray, I grabbed the swiss army knife off my keychain and shoved it in the other pocket for good measure.
I began to wonder, as I stared up at the dark ceiling that night, in the exact room she’d disappeared from two years earlier, if they invited me there specifically with the intent of nothing happening. I’d been telling anyone that would listen for years all about Liz’s disappearance, about the narrow, dark space in our room, that I’d crawled through. Jarrod had been doing the same – like I said in my last post, he’d been trying to book that same room for years with no luck.
What better way to further discount our concerns than for me to have a perfectly normal stay?
Of course nothing would happen, I realized, disappointed – although I couldn’t help but feel the tiniest bit of guilt-tinged relief.
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the old hinges of the small door protesting, as it was pulled open from the inside.
I was about to learn what happened to Liz all those years ago.
And after what I found, well, I almost wish I hadn’t.
JFR

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this and quite honestly I never really planned to post it online as I felt lile it would be a move seen as to just gain sympathy but now I'm at a loss and thought I'd give it a shot. I apologize if there's some rambling I'm not quite sure of what I'm doing here. Fair warning abuse and some sh will be mentioned.
I am 16f currently almost 17 and have not had a good home or family connection since I was 10. My bio dad (I think hes 36\37?m) was never really around as well as an addict (He claims to be sober though I dont quite believe that). There is also belief of abuse when I was with him though it isn't and most likely will never be confirmed. I do have many memories that I can remember vividly of times I was with him despite being between 6 and 8 at the time. He officially left on my 10th birthday by sending me an email apologizing and I didnt hear from him again for 6 years and its been on and off texting, he has been to jail multiple times throughout the last almost year weve been in contact.
Past that after he left my mother (34f) and step dad (36m. I think) became my only parents. Despite having my stepfather there my whole life I did consider him as a dad but he wasnt my actual dad my mom was my mom. She became my only 'parent' and I clung onto her. Around this time I also had a baby brother (6m now) my mom and step dads kid and a 10f now sister my dads and one of his ex girlfriends daughter. This is kind of important to note that I love my sibling and family and would never purposefully physically hurt them or hurt them in general.
Fast forward to christmas of the year I turned ten, I had sadly fallen into the wormhole that Im sure many others fell into of being groomed by men. Sending things and being taken advantage of. On christmas eve my step father found out and hell broke loose. I can admit my fault now but back then I didnt understand the length of how bad it was what I had done and had been doing, my mother held me that night as I cried and had my first panic attack. This was the beginning of our downfall though.
My mother and step dad had completely lost trust in me (which is fair) but we just couldnt seem to get along. Sure we could act fine and everything but now the cops were in our lives and I ended up moving away from home from this incident and in with my nana, as my reaction was to shut down while my mother yelled and cried trying to speak with me but I refused. My mother then grabbed a bag packed it and told me to get in the car dropping me off in another town at my nanas. This was early January around the beginning of covid I believe.
Me and my mother were low contact and I quite honestly missed her but at the same time I was happy where I was. One day in March I came home from school to see my mother in the house, she was bringing me back to live with her. I can't remember why so suddenly but I did end up moving back and she switched me to a catholic school (we were online because of COVID at this time).
During my time back I began to date my now ex girlfriend but she is now one of my biggest supports as she knows most of this as she witnessed some. Not in person but through video calls or just regilar calls that I dont believe my family were aware of.
My parents put child locks and time locks on my computer, and I wasnt allowed to have a phone (again fair) but with me being the child I was I wanted to socialize so I would play games like Among us or go into chat rooms that my parents would block and I would get in trouble. I rember about a certain one that they got mad at me for using my step dad months later during an argument yelled at me 'That one site you used just got shut down for trafficking' I was around 12 or 13 at this time and wasnt fully understanding of the length and what that meant. I just know his anger scared me.
I wont give the fully backstory but some incidents were as goes:
We came home from a drive one night and I was laying in bed trying to go to sleep. I was 13 at this time. My step dad came into the room pissed off and I sat up confused and simple asked 'What?'. He got mad and half yelled 'Don't fcking what me' then he continued to take eveything out of my room. Dumped all my clothes into a pile on the floor an drilled two pieces of wood onto the top and bottom of my closet doors so I could no longer open it as well as changed the door handle so that they could lock me in my room (which they did). During this I was standing in the corner scared and crying and he came got all up in my face and said 'Are you fcking scared now l?' Then proceeded to oush my head back then slap me. Afterwards I was locked in my room with a mattress, blanket, pillows and a pile of my clothing. I believe I was in there for a week though Im not sure. During that time they would open the door and ask if I needed to pee or shower, I always reufsed unless I absolutely did have to go because I just didnt want to move. They would at lunch and dinner bring in a plate with food and a cup or bottle of something to drink. I rarely actually ate it and slowly the food turned into bits of food and saltine crackers. I have now learned that according to my mother my step dad told her that I was being violent and getting all up in his face and that he was scared of me. She has also said that they did this because they were scared I was going to hurt or k*ll myself. Which at this point in time I had never done, attempted or really even thought about. Also, on the first night I dont know if more happened but I woke up in darkness to my step dad laying with me and hugging me as well as apologizing, I was scared and didnt know (and still don't know) what to make of it so I pretended to sleep. After awhile he left.
We were arguing basically everyday, which they would always start and I either wouldnt feed into it or would try to end it which only added fuel to the fire.
Many of these arguments led to me running out of the house and coming back late or not at all.
When I was 14 my school counseler noticed I seemed off I guess and I broke and told her. Then CAS came into my life. Long story short they did nothing and saw nothing wrong (my parents never admitted to anything and ir was a childs word against two adults) while only adding onto the tense atmosphere I called home.
Finally in fall of 2021. I left home for the last time. I love to paint and I was on the phone with my girlfriend at the time when my step dad came in and turned the light on (I had a simple lamp on my desk) he then noticed green paint on my floor. He immediatly got mad and told me to clean it to which I said I would. He left for about 5 minutes and I hadnt cleaned it yet having been in the middle of something when he asked. This started an argument and escalated to him screaming at me then grabbing my arm and pulling me into the hallway. I began to scream back and he was taking my wallet and other things using the excuse 'You didnt buy them. They're not yours' my mother was trying to get us both to stop but it ended with my dad opening and unlocking the front door telling me to leave and the door was open so I did. Cops were called that night and I moved in with my grandmother. I lived with her for about 3 weeks and the whole time my mother argued and tried to manipulate me into coming back.
Me, my mother and grandma had made a deal because I didnt feel safe in the house or comftorable that I would come home every Tuesday and Thursday. I stayed there Tuesday and on Wednesday after school went to a friends. My mother tried to get me home claiming the deal had never been made and called the cops on me. They showed up at my friends house and brought me back to my grandmothers where we explained the deal. I called my friend and her mom and began to apologize and not even 5 minutes into it my papa came into the apartment and screamed at me. My mother had apparently called him and said she never wanted to see him, my grandmother or me again and that my stuff would be on the side of the road if I wanted it.
Wuth everything going on I am sad to say this was my first ever time attempting to take my life that night. I went to psych ward for two weeks and moved in with my nana and papa afterwards.
The relationship with my mother and step dad is beyond strained as they both wont admit of the things that went on and since I got my doagnosises (Borderline personality disorder among other things) my mother has now began to blame my bast actions on it saying things like 'it all makes sense now'. Neither of them will apologize and they expect me to apologize. My relationship with my nana and papa is also strained the only person in my family I get along with is my cousin (19m) and my grandmother (84f).
Since turning 15 I gave struggled greatly with depression, suicidal thoughts and worst of all self harm. I have attempted many times and everytime my family only shows annoyance and disappointment only making me go deeper into this spiral.
Since turning 16 I have been kicked out of my nana and papas 3 times. First because they learned I smoke weed and got mad saying they didnt want someone like that in their house as well as I was just like my dad (my father is a drug addict and quite frankly I am terrified of anything other than weed). Second time they somehow got it into their heads that I was using substances other than weed. Third time was because we were arguing and my papa grabbed me to which I started yelling at him to never do that and he immediatly claimed he didnt do anything. I told him to f himself and my nana told me to get out.
Because of all this I havent had a stable place im years. I ended up moving to British Columbia for 4 months and living with my dead best friends family (rest in peace my love💜) where I got amazing support and do plan to live back there once I am 18. Sadly I moved back in with my nana and papa (thin thin line of me staying for good as the toxicity of this household has only grown since I left those months ago). The night before I moved back I had a breakdown and messaged my mother that I need her among other things. The next day while I was at the airport she responded and we blew up into a fight because she didnt give me time to explain what my plan was. All I had said was that I wasnt sure if I was moving back in with my nana and papa and she told me just dont and to stop using them. This escalated to where she blocked both me and her father. My papa. This was in February.
Since she blocked me I have talked to multiple friends and even just had time to reflect and realize that when I say I want my mom. I really want the mom I thought I had back but shes gone and we cannot seem to reach an impasse. Family is one of the most important things to me and it breaks my heart that I cannot be there for my younger brother. I accepted that I will most likely once I'm 18 offically just cut them off and leave this toxicity that I am in.
My family members always push me to apologize and fix my relationship with my mother and step dad.
Last weei my mother reached out again and seemed fine. We talked for a few days until she said 'Well I've heard a lot about new stuff but not past stuff' to which I asled what she meaned and she said 'An apology'. I just got upset and hung up. I know I do owe some apologies and I have aplogized for things like the past mistakes and some arguments but they want me to apologize for everything, even the things they twisted into being my fault which weren't. I refuse to apologize and they refuse to acknlowedge it. I don't know and can't think of what she wants me to apologize for that she was meaning in that phone call but its most likely something she just wants to pin on me. She refuses to acknowledge or belive that my step father ever hit me claiming that at the time 'I was crazy and she can't be sure'. These are statements and things that I won't forget and will most likely never forgive even if I do get the appropriate apologies.
I feel like I am doing the right thing by staying low contact then just cutting them off when I am 18 at this point. Though I am not sure as my nana and papa and others are making me second guess it through guilt tripping or manipulating me. I am well aware of what they are doing and if I could make myself stop believing them and feeling this way I would but they are my family and I really don't want to lose them, but I think its for the best.
AITA? And if you have any advice it would be greatly appreciated.

Part 1
I’m sorry it took so long for me to get this update posted.
Everything that happened has been… well… a lot... to process. At first, I didn’t want to even write it down – I didn’t want to relive that night, but I guess I can’t avoid it forever. Especially knowing what I know now – that I may never have another chance to.
Almost two years to the day from my first post, my best friend Liz disappeared from room 347 in the middle of the final night of our stay at a swanky hotel. I woke up alone the next morning to the door still bolted from the inside, she had left everything behind. The only place she could’ve gone was through the dark, narrow space behind the small door and false wall – leading from our room into a space that never should’ve existed. Even after crawling through it myself, I never found her.
The manager of the hotel and the police were not just insistent that she left of her own volition – their tones and expressions became almost threatening when I pushed further.
Her fiancé, Jarrod, and I had been searching for her ever since.
When I received the invitation to stay at that same hotel, in that same room, of course I knew the risks. But, in the hopes that it could give us even a slim chance of finding Liz, I accepted it.
So, I bought a little canister of triple action pepper spray, and packed my bag.
Something in the back of my mind told me that to bring Jarrod with me would mean I’d never find out what happened to her that night. I scheduled an email to go out to him the morning after the final night of my stay, explaining where I’d gone.
You know – just in case I never came back.
I’ve been home for a while now and I’m still struggling to put some of the pieces together – I’m starting to accept that there are some things I may never fully understand. I’m afraid of what may be coming next.
During my recent stay, I didn’t spend much time in the room, with its overpowering smell of bleach – mingled with something else that I couldn’t quite place. Mostly, I tried to search the surrounding city for anything I may have missed before, and of course, explored every inch of that hotel that I could.
Details that I either didn’t catch during our first stay, or pay enough attention to, are now haunting me – details such as how a ritzy looking hotel in the middle of a popular tourist destination never seemed to have anyone else in it.
Or, how there was no way to get to the 7th floor. The buttons so casually skipped from 6 to 8 on the lone elevator that I hadn’t caught it during our first stay. From the main stairs, where there should’ve been an entrance to the hallway, the landing just led to a solid wall.
Once I felt that I’d seen as much of the 3rd floor as I could, I decided to venture deeper into the 4th floor on the second day. On first glance, when the elevator doors opened, it seemed as modern and welcoming as my own floor – albeit with that same feeling of wrongness lurking just below the surface. Once I made it down the hallway and rounded a blind corner, though, the new carpet and cheery paint all stopped abruptly.
I found myself surrounded by the original, fading wallpaper, stains marring the swirling patterns of the torn carpets. Even the light fixtures along the walls looked dated – most struggled to stay on at all. I finally turned back and ran, when they appeared to give out and plunged the windowless hallway into total darkness without warning.
When I calmed down, I checked the other floors. Other than the 3rd, each one I could access all had that same feature – once you reached the portion out of sight from the elevator, the façade abruptly fell away.
Whenever I crossed over to the old, unrenovated side, I always felt a wave of discomfort – that prey instinct of when there’s no one else around you, but you can tell that you are most certainly not alone.
Traveling down those halls felt like stepping back in time, but to a time that was clearly best left forgotten.
Initially, I told myself maybe that was their way of saving money – neglecting the portions that most guests would never see – trying to find some source of courage in willful ignorance.
But when I looked closely, I’d see hints that I was not the first person to walk those halls: a cracked worn and plastic hotel key – still far too modern for those ancient looking doors in the – the glint of a single lost earring. Coming across items left behind from those that came before me made me wonder if their owners ever made it out – the words from the officer two years before were still fresh in my mind.
‘It’s not uncommon for people to visit a city like this and never leave.’
I wondered how many other grieving friends and family members he’d spoken them to.
The night I found it, I’d been wandering around one of those eerily quiet floors. I’d gone further into the winding hallways than I’d ever felt brave enough to before, when I was drawn to a bit of brick peeking out from under cracked plaster and peeling wallpaper in the distance. It was almost entirely bathed in shadows – just beyond where the struggling hall lights had long since given up, and seemed even older than everything else around it. There was a thin gap in the mortar and while it was so dark that I couldn’t see anything, I could feel a faint, stale breeze that carried with it an overpowering smell of rotting meat.
Gagging, I turned around abruptly to see the hotel manager just a couple of feet behind me. I wouldn’t have been able to see him in the shadowy corner at all, save for his eyes glinting at me, unnatural looking in the low light.
I pushed past him without incident, but I couldn’t help but wonder if that hadn’t been the first time he’d silently followed me down the dimly lit hallways.
After that, I made more of an effort to avoid him and his predatory smile, which was easier said than done, since he always seemed to be working – almost as if he never left the hotel.
Every floor I could access had a similar makeshift wall in the same place. I eventually realized it was once a second elevator shaft, since bricked in and plastered over. Once, in the near silence, I thought I heard the sound of something moving behind it.
It was probably easier to seal it off than to fix it, I’d told myself at the time.
I preferred that explanation, rather than to acknowledge my distinct feeling that there was something – not someone, some thing – back there that I had no desire to meet.
Eventually I reached the final night of my stay, no closer to finding out what happened to her.
The only thing left that I could think to do was to try and recreate what I believed may have happened to her that night.
As I prepared for bed, I shoved my phone in my pajama pocket, and grabbed my little can of pepper spray.
My grand plan at that point was to pretend to be asleep, and see if anyone came for me that night. If they did, I’d use the pepper spray and try and get a photo of them, some sort of proof that Liz hadn’t left of her own volition – something that could help us find her.
It may not have been the best idea. Looking back, it was a pretty shitty one.
One that had seemed so much better when I’d been packing my bag in my well-lit bedroom at home the week before. But, I knew it would be the last chance I’d ever get to find out what happened to Liz. After glancing nervously at my small can of pepper spray, I grabbed the swiss army knife off my keychain and shoved it in the other pocket for good measure.
I began to wonder, as I stared up at the dark ceiling that night, in the exact room she’d disappeared from two years earlier, if they invited me there specifically with the intent of nothing happening. I’d been telling anyone that would listen for years all about Liz’s disappearance, about the narrow, dark space in our room, that I’d crawled through. Jarrod had been doing the same – like I said in my last post, he’d been trying to book that same room for years with no luck.
What better way to further discount our concerns than for me to have a perfectly normal stay?
Of course nothing would happen, I realized, disappointed – although I couldn’t help but feel the tiniest bit of guilt-tinged relief.
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the old hinges of the small door protesting, as it was pulled open from the inside.
I was about to learn what happened to Liz all those years ago.
And after what I found, well, I almost wish I hadn’t.