Sample of autobiographical letter

So, I was fired from my job last month. My new manager (I had four managers in one year) was an incompetent asshole and felt threatened when I constantly fixed her mistakes. I never pointed out these mistakes to anyone else, but she accused me on undermining her. She constantly talked down to me treated me like total shit. She fired me without notice or severance. It was truly a traumatic experience, from which I am still trying to recover.
I’ve been applying to at least 15-20 jobs every day. I either hear nothing or I get the form letter saying they chose another candidate. I’ve had a few interviews, but nothing more. One company asked me to complete an assessment that took me over 8 hours, only to tell me I did a great job, but they have no openings right now. WTF? I’ve sent work samples, given letters of recommendation, etc. I’m starting to think that these companies ask for assessments and work samples so they can turn around and use them themselves! Isn’t that illegal?
This whole process has made me feel so worthless and depressed, to the point where I don’t even want to get out of bed. I’m collecting unemployment, but that hardly covers the bills. I’m watching my savings dwindle every day. I don’t know what else to do. 🥲

I am reporting a lovescam that I was a victim of through Vika , over the course of about four months we sent about 144 letters. I should have listened to my gut which said it felt fake. I am going to share some details with you from some of the letters. These are only a small sampling of the letters we wrote to each other, given that 144 letters were written.
Not saying AFA is bad, just Vika is bad. And maybe some corruption at a local office. I desire to continue to use the AFA service since I believe that Vika is a bad person within a legitimate company. I also believe she was cut in with the letters income for a local office, though I can't prove it. Here are some of the letters.
On January 3rd, Vika wrote. "You know, Kenneth, sometimes I think we live in a world where people are afraid of their feelings. But I'm not like that. I am ready to accept you as you are, with all your fears and desires. I believe that we have something special that can bind our souls forever.When was the last time you thought about what really matters to you? What dreams and desires occupy your thoughts? And most importantly, Kenneth, do you sometimes feel the same spark that I do? I would like to spend time with you, learn more about your interests, share my dreams and hopes. I dream that our hearts will beat in unison, creating harmony in this chaotic world. Think about it, Kenneth. Maybe we should give our feelings a chance, give them the opportunity to flourish and grow? I am ready to walk next to you, give you my support and love."
And as you can see, she was laying it on super thick. saying she wanted to walk besides me. Of course its pretty obvious no one talks this way, and these are red flags for a scam. I should not have ignored my gut instincts. On the 8th of January she wrote , "Let's continue to build our story, delving into our feelings and understanding each other even better. I dream of the day when I can take your hands in mine and introduce you to my family. You are special to me, Kenneth, and I hope our future will be as magical as our correspondence. Let's move forward, enjoying every moment that fate gives us. With warmth and romance, Vika " . . She went so far as to talk about her wedding dress, and pushed potential marriage hard. I also feel embarrassed for talking about my beliefs in regards to family and marriage since it was just a scam. I made plans to come to Ukraine which I did. I will share her letter from May 1st. I was in Kiev at the time. Titled "there is very little time left before our meeting." "Hello Kenneth! There is very little time left before our meeting, and I can’t help but share my emotions with you! The first meeting is always so exciting, right? I'm already starting to feel a storm of emotions when I think that we will see each other soon. By the way, how are you doing? How is your time in Kyiv going? I'm very interested in how you spend your days there. Do you like Kyiv? Is there anything special that you have already noticed or loved about this city? Tell me, I'm looking forward to your impressions! I hope you are doing well and are looking forward to our meeting as much as I am. Can not wait for your reply! With love, Vika."
When I finally showed up in Dnipro, which I did at the risk of my own life. I even heard drone explosions outside of my hotel, and the electricity went out , Vika fully disappeared. She pushed our date from May 4th I believe to the following Monday. Then she cancelled that one as well. Blamed both on family issues. Then she started ignoring all messages and phone calls from the agency. The agency said they were confused about what was happening. I did not see her once while in Ukraine. After all the promises, and letters she straight up ghosts me when I come to an active war zone.
It was incredibly rude. I did try to give some forgiveness when I came back, and to move communication off of the platform if she wants to talk. This was obvious a mistake since scammers don't care about their victims. I was also looking for clarification on why she did what she did. She is overly vague and refused to sign the forms, another thing that was very suspicious and screams "love scam". I should not even have talked to her after the fact but you have to understand I was deeply hurt to be ghosted after showing up in Ukraine. It was extremely hurtful and vicious.
Dear Kenny, I received your letter and feel obligated to answer it. First, I want to express my gratitude for your sincerity and openness. I understand that this has not been easy for you and I appreciate your honesty. I understand that you have difficult feelings about our relationship, and I am sorry that they led to disappointment. I would like to clarify a few points from your letter. I didn't mean to cause you disappointment or offense in any way. If there was anything in my actions or words that caused you negative emotions, I apologize. Regarding my feelings, I feel the need to be honest with you. I would not like to impose false hopes or illusions. We both deserve clarity and honesty in our relationship. Thank you for your letter and the sincerity in it. I would like to share my thoughts regarding the signing of IMBRA. I understand that this is an important step for you, but I feel that in our current situation I cannot take this step. I realize that my actions and words may have caused you offense, and for that I am very sorry. You showed a lot of strength in writing this letter and I appreciate your sincerity. That's why I decided to answer you - it will be right. Sincerely, Vika."
I am not going to write to her again obviously. I shouldn't have tried to get clarity. She is a cold-hearted shark. Who never had any real interest in me.
This is the only letter that is actually distant emotionally. She says she wants to "clarify a few points" but she does not clarify anything. She does not clarify why she pushed wanting a relationship, including marriage hard for four months, and then just ignored that I existed once I showed up. She also says she doesn't want to give me "false hopes or illusions" which is a bunch of nonsense as you can see from her previous responses. Funny, that she did not say this before I came to freaking Ukraine and she didn't even have the dignity to meet me. And even not wanting to sign the forms because I was willing to forgive given correspondence was off the platform is HIGHLY suspicious. It shows she only wants to correspond if the company is getting money, and the fact that she pushed letters so often makes me think she is incentivized.
I believe I was a VICTIM of a love scam 100 percent. I believe that Vika misled me , and then freaked out once I was in her city. . Given the context of what has happened , I believe that Vika is probably getting a cut of the business that the office is generating. I have suffered emotional and psychological consequences from being hurt and used so thoroughly. The viciousness of having some one come all the way to your country and then ghosting them is REALLY bad , especially in light of her previous responses.
I would be interested in anyone's thoughts, and what you think after reading my post. Be careful out there, not everyone is sincere.

So far sales had been steady but not spectacular. Jenna hoped they would pick up after the school let out. She chatted and sampled with customers, pitching her spiel about supporting their troop's efforts to earn badges. It was fun work even if tiring on her feet.
Gazing up at the cloudless sky, Jenna wondered idly if it might rain later. The forecast hadn't mentioned anything, but you never knew. A tiny speck in the distance caught her eye. She squinted, trying to make it out. It grew rapidly in size—and shape. Whatever it was, it wasn't a bird.
"Hey Jamie, do you see that?" Jenna nudged her friend, pointing. Now the other girls had turned to look as well. What had been a speck was now clearly some large, cylindrical object descending from the heavens. It shone silvery-grey in the sunlight.
"Is that...a rocket ship?" breathed Tammy.
As it neared the treetops, its design became evident. Definitely not any spacecraft Jenna had seen on the news or in movies. It was smoothly rounded on all ends, with no visible engines or fins. Eerily silent, it drifted toward an open field and settled softly on four tapering legs.
The girls stared open-mouthed, cookies momentarily forgotten. A hatch appeared in the side of the ship. Light spilled out, glowing an ethereal blue. Then towering figures emerged, moving with an inhuman grace.
Jenna caught her breath. Peering closer, she could just make out bipedal forms wrapped in loose, silvery garments. Their limbs seemed overly long and jointed in odd places. As they turned in her direction, two dark eyes set wide in hairless faces met hers. No nose or mouth was visible beneath.
"Aliens," Jamie whispered. "Actual aliens. I don't believe it."
Tammy squeaked and clung to Jenna's arm. But Jenna's mind was racing. This was an incredible opportunity, too good to pass up. She flashed the others a mischievous smile. "Come on, girls. Let's go make some sales!"
The troop fell into step behind her as she marched into the field. The creatures had paused, gazing around at their surroundings with a palpable air of curiosity and caution. As Jenna neared, they angled their expressive eyes down at the little band approaching. Up close, their skin shimmered in shades of aqua and moss green, veined with silvery networks.
The tallest one shifted its gaze between the girls, as if taking their measure. It spoke, but the sound was like rushing wind and dripping water blended into an eerie melody. Its friends chattered in response, their voices blending into a dissonant choir.
Undeterred, Jenna beamed and proudly presented her box of Thin Mints. "Cookies!" she enunciated clearly. "Would you like to buy some cookies?" To her astonishment, a glowing rectangle like a computer screen lit up on the tall one's torso. Words scrolled across it in crisp English letters.
WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND. WHAT ARE COOKIES? IT SEEMS YOU ARE SELLING SOMETHING, BUT WE HAVE NO CURRENCY OF YOUR WORLD.
Jamie leaned in to whisper, eyes shining, "They can understand us! This is so cool."
Jenna gathered her thoughts, focusing on her sales pitch despite everything unusual about the situation. "Cookies are a sweet treat made of chocolate and biscuits. They're very popular here on Earth. And all the money we earn from selling them goes towards fun trips and learning new skills as Girl Scouts. Please, won't you buy a box to help support our troop? I'm sure you'll love them!"
The aliens conferred amongst themselves, still in untranslatablespeech. Finally, the glowing display lit up again. I APOLOGIZE, BUT WE HAVE NO MEANS OF TRANSACTION. WE ARE EXPLORERS HERE IN PEACE TO STUDY YOUR WORLD. PERHAPS ANOTHER TIME WE CAN BARTER. FOR NOW, WE ONLY WISH TO LEARN.
Jenna tried to hide her disappointment. This wasn't how she'd envisioned the interaction going at all. But she had come this far, so she wasn't giving up yet. An idea bloomed in her mind. "Well, since you want to learn about us, how about a trade? We'll give you a box of cookies to try in exchange for letting our whole troop come aboard your ship for a little while. What do you say?"
The girls held their breath. This was assuredly against every safety rule. But an opportunity for an out of this world experience was too enticing to pass up. The aliens conversed quietly before responding.
VERY WELL, HUMAN CHILDREN. FOR THE SAKE OF CULTURAL EXCHANGE, WE AGREE TO YOUR TRADE. COME, WE SHALL GIVE YOU A TOUR OF OUR VESSEL.
Screeches of delight arose from the Scout troop. Jenna tried to shush them, not wanting the aliens to change their minds. But she couldn't contain her own grin of excitement and triumph. This was going to be one very memorable cookie sale!
Jenna stepped forward nervously, holding out the box of Thin Mints for the aliens to see. She did her best salesperson smile while gesturing to the colorful packaging. "Cookies!" she said again loudly and clearly.
The tallest alien leaned down, its large dark eyes fixing on the box in Jenna's hands. A long, nimble finger reached out to poke gently at the box, then drew back just as swiftly. Its companions murmured again in their strange tongue.
Frustrated not being able to communicate properly, Jenna popped open the lid so the sweet scent could waft up. She took one mint and mimed taking a bite, sighing happily and rubbing her belly. The aliens copied the sign for stomach, looking quizzical.
An idea sparked in Jenna's mind. Rummaging in her bag, she pulled out her phone and found the notepad app. Typing awkwardly with her thumbs, she showed them the words "Will you trade for this?" Arrows pointed to the cookies and to their ship.
A spark of understanding lit in the aliens' eyes as they studied the makeshift message. Their glowing display lit up in response. I APOLOGIZE, SMALL HUMAN, BUT WE HAVE NOTHING OF VALUE FROM OUR WORLD TO OFFER IN RETURN. OUR MISSION HERE IS ONE OF DISCOVERY ONLY.
"Please?" Jenna typed, giving her best pleading look. The girls clustered behind her, joining in the silent begging. But the aliens only seemed perplexed by this behavior.
Suddenly Tammy piped up, "What if we clean your ship for you? We'll dust and sweep and take out the garbage." The others stared at her, surprised by this inventive offer.
The display considered this. THAT IS A GENEROUS OFFER. HOWEVER, OUR CRAFT UTILIZES TECHNOLOGY FAR BEYOND YOUR WORLD'S CURRENT STAGE. I DOUBT YOU COULD PERFORM MAINTENANCE TO OUR STANDARDS.
At this rejection, the girls deflated with twin sounds of disappointment. But Jenna wasn't giving up yet. She furiously texted another message. "How about you give us a little tour then? We promise to be very careful and not touch anything."
The aliens conferred quietly amongst themselves for several moments. The girls held their breath, hoping their persistence was finally paying off. Then the glowing display lit up once more.
VERY WELL, SMALL HUMANS. FOR THE SAKE OF CULTURAL EXCHANGE, WE WILL ALLOW YOU A BRIEF LOOK INSIDE OUR VESSEL. BUT YOU MUST FOLLOW OUR INSTRUCTIONS CAREFULLY. OUR TECHNOLOGY COULD PROVE DANGEROUS IF MISUSED.
The Girl Scouts whooped and cheered, doing a little victory dance. Jenna grinned, popping another Thin Mint in her mouth triumphantly. "Deal! Thank you so much for this."
The tallest alien gestured gracefully with one long arm. "THIS WAY, YOUNG ONES. WE SHALL BEGIN OUR TOUR."
Clutching their cookie boxes eagerly, the girls fell into line behind the extraterrestrials. They followed them up a floating gangway into the belly of the ship.
Inside, the walls glowed with an otherworldly luminescence. Strange symbols and interfaces winked all around, totally indecipherable. The floors felt bouncy underfoot, as if made of gelatin.
"Wow," breathed Jamie. "It's so beautiful in here."
The aliens guided them through sleek corridors and compartments full of glowing tech. They pointed out living quarters, a laboratory, hydroponic gardens, and an observation deck showing the curve of the Earth.
In the cockpit, countless viewscreens displayed alien constellations and scans of their small town below. Control panels rippled like liquid mercury beneath touch.
"This is where we navigated our journey to your solar system," explained their guides. "Truly a marvel, the distances stars can be bridged.
Tammy peered out the main viewing portal. "Your ship is so fast! How did you get here from wherever you came from?"
As the explorers launched into an explanation involving hyperdrives and folded spacetime, Jenna began to lose the thread. Space travel clearly worked very differently where these beings hailed from.
Their tour lasted nearly an hour, the aliens answering every barrage of questions patiently. All too soon, it was over, and they found themselves back outside in the late afternoon sun
"Thank you so much for the amazing tour!" Jenna gushed, hugging her now-empty cookie box. "Learning about aliens is a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
The tallest being dipped its head graciously. "IT WAS OUR PLEASURE, SMALL HUMANS. YOU HAVE PROVIDED US AN INSIGHT INTO YOUR YOUNG ONES AS WELL."
Its fellows chattered in their musical language, some holding half-eaten cookies and gesturing appreciatively. Jenna beamed, glad they seemed to have enjoyed the treats.
"Will you come back to see us again?" asked Jamie hopefully.
"PERHAPS, IF OUR EXPLORATIONS BRING US BACK THIS WAY," was the reply. "BUT FOR NOW, WE MUST RESUME OUR JOURNEY AMONG THE STARS. FAREWELL, AND THANK YOU ONCE MORE FOR YOUR HOSPITALITY.
The aliens turned as one and glided back up the gangway. The rockets flared, rising gracefully into the sky until they vanished into the dusk.
The girls stood watching long after, buzzing with excited chatter about this unforgettable day. In the end, it had been the best cookie sale ever. Maybe even worth breaking a few rules...

So far sales had been steady but not spectacular. Jenna hoped they would pick up after the school let out. She chatted and sampled with customers, pitching her spiel about supporting their troop's efforts to earn badges. It was fun work even if tiring on her feet.
Gazing up at the cloudless sky, Jenna wondered idly if it might rain later. The forecast hadn't mentioned anything, but you never knew. A tiny speck in the distance caught her eye. She squinted, trying to make it out. It grew rapidly in size—and shape. Whatever it was, it wasn't a bird.
"Hey Jamie, do you see that?" Jenna nudged her friend, pointing. Now the other girls had turned to look as well. What had been a speck was now clearly some large, cylindrical object descending from the heavens. It shone silvery-grey in the sunlight.
"Is that...a rocket ship?" breathed Tammy.
As it neared the treetops, its design became evident. Definitely not any spacecraft Jenna had seen on the news or in movies. It was smoothly rounded on all ends, with no visible engines or fins. Eerily silent, it drifted toward an open field and settled softly on four tapering legs.
The girls stared open-mouthed, cookies momentarily forgotten. A hatch appeared in the side of the ship. Light spilled out, glowing an ethereal blue. Then towering figures emerged, moving with an inhuman grace.
Jenna caught her breath. Peering closer, she could just make out bipedal forms wrapped in loose, silvery garments. Their limbs seemed overly long and jointed in odd places. As they turned in her direction, two dark eyes set wide in hairless faces met hers. No nose or mouth was visible beneath.
"Aliens," Jamie whispered. "Actual aliens. I don't believe it."
Tammy squeaked and clung to Jenna's arm. But Jenna's mind was racing. This was an incredible opportunity, too good to pass up. She flashed the others a mischievous smile. "Come on, girls. Let's go make some sales!"
The troop fell into step behind her as she marched into the field. The creatures had paused, gazing around at their surroundings with a palpable air of curiosity and caution. As Jenna neared, they angled their expressive eyes down at the little band approaching. Up close, their skin shimmered in shades of aqua and moss green, veined with silvery networks.
The tallest one shifted its gaze between the girls, as if taking their measure. It spoke, but the sound was like rushing wind and dripping water blended into an eerie melody. Its friends chattered in response, their voices blending into a dissonant choir.
Undeterred, Jenna beamed and proudly presented her box of Thin Mints. "Cookies!" she enunciated clearly. "Would you like to buy some cookies?" To her astonishment, a glowing rectangle like a computer screen lit up on the tall one's torso. Words scrolled across it in crisp English letters.
WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND. WHAT ARE COOKIES? IT SEEMS YOU ARE SELLING SOMETHING, BUT WE HAVE NO CURRENCY OF YOUR WORLD.
Jamie leaned in to whisper, eyes shining, "They can understand us! This is so cool."
Jenna gathered her thoughts, focusing on her sales pitch despite everything unusual about the situation. "Cookies are a sweet treat made of chocolate and biscuits. They're very popular here on Earth. And all the money we earn from selling them goes towards fun trips and learning new skills as Girl Scouts. Please, won't you buy a box to help support our troop? I'm sure you'll love them!"
The aliens conferred amongst themselves, still in untranslatablespeech. Finally, the glowing display lit up again. I APOLOGIZE, BUT WE HAVE NO MEANS OF TRANSACTION. WE ARE EXPLORERS HERE IN PEACE TO STUDY YOUR WORLD. PERHAPS ANOTHER TIME WE CAN BARTER. FOR NOW, WE ONLY WISH TO LEARN.
Jenna tried to hide her disappointment. This wasn't how she'd envisioned the interaction going at all. But she had come this far, so she wasn't giving up yet. An idea bloomed in her mind. "Well, since you want to learn about us, how about a trade? We'll give you a box of cookies to try in exchange for letting our whole troop come aboard your ship for a little while. What do you say?"
The girls held their breath. This was assuredly against every safety rule. But an opportunity for an out of this world experience was too enticing to pass up. The aliens conversed quietly before responding.
VERY WELL, HUMAN CHILDREN. FOR THE SAKE OF CULTURAL EXCHANGE, WE AGREE TO YOUR TRADE. COME, WE SHALL GIVE YOU A TOUR OF OUR VESSEL.
Screeches of delight arose from the Scout troop. Jenna tried to shush them, not wanting the aliens to change their minds. But she couldn't contain her own grin of excitement and triumph. This was going to be one very memorable cookie sale!
Jenna stepped forward nervously, holding out the box of Thin Mints for the aliens to see. She did her best salesperson smile while gesturing to the colorful packaging. "Cookies!" she said again loudly and clearly.
The tallest alien leaned down, its large dark eyes fixing on the box in Jenna's hands. A long, nimble finger reached out to poke gently at the box, then drew back just as swiftly. Its companions murmured again in their strange tongue.
Frustrated not being able to communicate properly, Jenna popped open the lid so the sweet scent could waft up. She took one mint and mimed taking a bite, sighing happily and rubbing her belly. The aliens copied the sign for stomach, looking quizzical.
An idea sparked in Jenna's mind. Rummaging in her bag, she pulled out her phone and found the notepad app. Typing awkwardly with her thumbs, she showed them the words "Will you trade for this?" Arrows pointed to the cookies and to their ship.
A spark of understanding lit in the aliens' eyes as they studied the makeshift message. Their glowing display lit up in response. I APOLOGIZE, SMALL HUMAN, BUT WE HAVE NOTHING OF VALUE FROM OUR WORLD TO OFFER IN RETURN. OUR MISSION HERE IS ONE OF DISCOVERY ONLY.
"Please?" Jenna typed, giving her best pleading look. The girls clustered behind her, joining in the silent begging. But the aliens only seemed perplexed by this behavior.
Suddenly Tammy piped up, "What if we clean your ship for you? We'll dust and sweep and take out the garbage." The others stared at her, surprised by this inventive offer.
The display considered this. THAT IS A GENEROUS OFFER. HOWEVER, OUR CRAFT UTILIZES TECHNOLOGY FAR BEYOND YOUR WORLD'S CURRENT STAGE. I DOUBT YOU COULD PERFORM MAINTENANCE TO OUR STANDARDS.
At this rejection, the girls deflated with twin sounds of disappointment. But Jenna wasn't giving up yet. She furiously texted another message. "How about you give us a little tour then? We promise to be very careful and not touch anything."
The aliens conferred quietly amongst themselves for several moments. The girls held their breath, hoping their persistence was finally paying off. Then the glowing display lit up once more.
VERY WELL, SMALL HUMANS. FOR THE SAKE OF CULTURAL EXCHANGE, WE WILL ALLOW YOU A BRIEF LOOK INSIDE OUR VESSEL. BUT YOU MUST FOLLOW OUR INSTRUCTIONS CAREFULLY. OUR TECHNOLOGY COULD PROVE DANGEROUS IF MISUSED.
The Girl Scouts whooped and cheered, doing a little victory dance. Jenna grinned, popping another Thin Mint in her mouth triumphantly. "Deal! Thank you so much for this."
The tallest alien gestured gracefully with one long arm. "THIS WAY, YOUNG ONES. WE SHALL BEGIN OUR TOUR."
Clutching their cookie boxes eagerly, the girls fell into line behind the extraterrestrials. They followed them up a floating gangway into the belly of the ship.
Inside, the walls glowed with an otherworldly luminescence. Strange symbols and interfaces winked all around, totally indecipherable. The floors felt bouncy underfoot, as if made of gelatin.
"Wow," breathed Jamie. "It's so beautiful in here."
The aliens guided them through sleek corridors and compartments full of glowing tech. They pointed out living quarters, a laboratory, hydroponic gardens, and an observation deck showing the curve of the Earth.
In the cockpit, countless viewscreens displayed alien constellations and scans of their small town below. Control panels rippled like liquid mercury beneath touch.
"This is where we navigated our journey to your solar system," explained their guides. "Truly a marvel, the distances stars can be bridged.
Tammy peered out the main viewing portal. "Your ship is so fast! How did you get here from wherever you came from?"
As the explorers launched into an explanation involving hyperdrives and folded spacetime, Jenna began to lose the thread. Space travel clearly worked very differently where these beings hailed from.
Their tour lasted nearly an hour, the aliens answering every barrage of questions patiently. All too soon, it was over, and they found themselves back outside in the late afternoon sun
"Thank you so much for the amazing tour!" Jenna gushed, hugging her now-empty cookie box. "Learning about aliens is a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
The tallest being dipped its head graciously. "IT WAS OUR PLEASURE, SMALL HUMANS. YOU HAVE PROVIDED US AN INSIGHT INTO YOUR YOUNG ONES AS WELL."
Its fellows chattered in their musical language, some holding half-eaten cookies and gesturing appreciatively. Jenna beamed, glad they seemed to have enjoyed the treats.
"Will you come back to see us again?" asked Jamie hopefully.
"PERHAPS, IF OUR EXPLORATIONS BRING US BACK THIS WAY," was the reply. "BUT FOR NOW, WE MUST RESUME OUR JOURNEY AMONG THE STARS. FAREWELL, AND THANK YOU ONCE MORE FOR YOUR HOSPITALITY.
The aliens turned as one and glided back up the gangway. The rockets flared, rising gracefully into the sky until they vanished into the dusk.
The girls stood watching long after, buzzing with excited chatter about this unforgettable day. In the end, it had been the best cookie sale ever. Maybe even worth breaking a few rules...

PRODUCER: Do you have the suicide note?
HEIDI CLIFFORD (As “Anonymous Classmate”): (Reading purported “suicide note” aloud): This is a copy of the suicide note.
“I attended a course called Executive Success Programs, aka Nexium (sic), based out of Anchorage, Alaska and Albany, New York. I was brainwashed and my emotional center of the brain was killed and turned off. I still have feeling in my external skin, but my internal organs are rotting. I’m sorry, life. I didn’t know I was already dead.”
“No need to search my body.”
Was this potential suicide letter in Kris’s car coerced?
Was it her willingly writing it?
You don’t know.
As we have discussed in previous posts, nothing about the Kristin Snyder missing person case makes any sense whatsoever, and the purported “suicide note” found in her vehicle is certainly no exception.
Before we start analyzing the “suicide note,” here are a few factors to keep in mind:
• We know through information from multiple sources that Kristin was a prolific journal writer and letter writer, so we have a plethora of writing samples to compare with this alleged “suicide note.”
• We refer to “the writer” in our discussion of the “suicide note” below. The reason for this phrasing is because the actual writer of this note is unknown. Did Kristin herself write it, either as a explanation for killing herself, or for the purpose of faking her own death? Did someone else write it to make her disappearance appear to be a suicide? Was part of the text written by Kristin and added to by another party? Was the entire note faked? Was the note written by Kristin, but under duress/coercion as Heidi pondered?
• See notes under each section below regarding clear discrepancies between Kristin’s baseline writing style based on the hundreds of writing samples we have obtained from multiple sources through varying times throughout her life.
Now, without further ado, let’s take an in-depth look at this “suicide note” – line by line.
“I attended a course called Executive Success Programs (aka Nexium) based out of Anchorage, AK + Albany, NY.”
• Who is the note intended for? There is no salutation. We have tons of samples of Kristin’s letters and there is always a salutation – AND a date. If this is really her “suicide note,” why wouldn’t she address it to her partner Heidi, friends, coworkers, and/or family – as she always had addressed people in her letters? Similarly, wouldn’t she document the date of the most significant letter of her life, as she did routinely with her letters? In fact, she often even included the specific time (for instance, 7:15 p.m.) that the letter or journal entry was written.
• In addition to a salutation and date on other writing samples, Kris also typically indented her paragraphs and she also usually wrote on each line of the paper in her letters and journal entries, unlike this “suicide note,” which does neither.
• Related to the numerous writing samples we have acquired though multiple sources, Kris also primarily wrote in cursive in both her letters and in her journal. This “suicide note” is an odd hybrid of cursive and print.
• Why would anyone start a suicide note with “I attended a course…”? Clearly, the writer of this note is directing the reader to correlate ESP with the disappearance, but it seems like a very odd place for anyone to start a suicide note. Also, Kris attended two courses, not “a course”; a fact that Kris would have clearly known.
• “aka Nexium” is another oddity. Kris did not take any NXIVM classes, not even one, despite the extensive recent propaganda linking her to NXIVM. Why? Because NXIVM did not even exist at the time of Kristin’s disappearance; it was still in the planning stages. The writer had obviously heard about these plans as evidenced by the phonetic spelling. Again, it is obvious the writer of the note is clearly directing the reader’s attention to ESP/NXIVM – but if Kris were distraught enough to write a suicide note (and as functionally incapacitated as reported by her partner), why/how would she focus on minutiae like this?
• Speaking of minutiae, it gets even more obvious in the next words: “based out of Anchorage, AK + Albany, NY.” First of all, WHO CARES where ESP was based? That is in no way pertinent to the reasoning, and apparently is another clear attempt by the writer to direct the reader toward ESP/NXIVM. Secondly, this information is actually wrong. ESP wasn’t “based out of Anchorage, AK” – they held classes in Anchorage in a rented hotel space. The home base was in NY. Furthermore, Kris knew very well that this information was wrong, having recently visited their NY headquarters herself weeks before her disappearance!
•The words “based out of” (city, state) are odd as well. None of Kristin’s other writing samples did this. Nowhere does she mention elsewhere that anything is “based out of” anywhere in any of her copious writing samples we have obtained.
• Furthermore, why would the note say “Anchorage, AK” anyway? Presumably, Alaska law enforcement would be able to deduce that Anchorage is in Alaska without this unnecessary clarification.
“I was brainwashed + my emotional center of the brain was killed/turned off. I still have feeling in my external skin but my internal organs are rotting.”
• If Kris was brainwashed, she wouldn’t know (at least at the time) that she had been brainwashed. Again, this seems to be yet another clear attempt by the writer to direct the reader to look at ESP.
• Furthermore, if Kris finally did realize that she had been brainwashed, why would she then kill herself?
• The writer switches “my” and “the” in a sentence – something Kris never did, even once, in the hundreds of pages of writing we have obtained. The sentence should read “the emotional center of my brain,” not “my emotional center of the brain.”
• Another oddity is in the redundancy of “external skin.” Again, this sort of mistake does not appear to be Kris’s style, based on other writing samples. She had a Master of Science (M.S.) in Biology and she worked as an environmental consultant to the National Guard. She was a precise, clear, scientific, and articulate writer.
• This passage clearly implies that Kris was suffering from Cotard’s syndrome; per WebMD: “People with Cotard’s syndrome (also called walking corpse syndrome or Cotard’s delusion) believe that parts of their body are missing, or that they are dying, dead, or don’t exist.” We have talked to multiple people who Kris had visited in her January 2003 trip immediately prior to her February 2003 disappearance, and nobody reported any observations of any mental health issues, suicidal ideation, depression, psychosis, nor delusions of any sort. All of the people who discussed Kris’s reported mental health decline stated that they had not personally witnessed any symptoms, but rather, they were told of a rapid decline following Kris’s disappearance.
• If Kris thought she was already dead, why would she kill herself?
“Please contact my parents Bob + Jonnie Snyder at (number redacted) in Dillon, SC if you find me or this note.”
• Why would she specify to contact her parents, who lived out-of-state? Why not her partner? Why, in fact, is Heidi, the love of her life and civil union partner not mentioned AT ALL in the entire note?
• The inclusion of Kris’s parents as the sole contacts listed in the note contradicts a specific story told at the time of the disappearance alleging that Kris had uncovered memories of abuse during the class and that these purported memories were the reason/a factor in her alleged suicide. But: if that story was true, why would she include her father in the note? It should be noted that there is no evidence whatsoever that Kris was abused. As with the alleged rapid mental health decline, people who reported that story were not told of the purported abuse by Kris themselves, but rather, they were told of the purported abuse allegations after her disappearance. In fact, we even have been given a copy of a text message exchange in which the person who spread this abuse claims refers to it as “the lie.” This is yet another example of the myriad of inconsistencies and contradictions that plague Kris’s case.
• Why mention “Dillon, SC”? There is already a phone number given, so the city/state is irrelevant, and also, it is not her typical style. Again, it seems like someone with a quirky tic to mention a city and state wrote this.
• “if you find me or this note” is similarly nonsensical. If someone found her but NOT the note, they wouldn’t see the note, would they? Again, this oddity of wording is inconsistent with Kris’s typically precise style.
“I am sorry, life, I didn’t know I was already dead. May we persist into the future. KRISTN (sic) SNYDER”
• Again, if she thought she was already dead, why would she need to kill herself?
• Why is she addressing “life”?
• “May we persist into the future” is interesting. “Persist into the future” is a phrase used in ecology, which could potentially mean a couple things: a). Kristin wrote this herself; b). Kristin wrote this phrase elsewhere and someone traced/copied it onto the “suicide note”; or c). the writer had seen a document that referred to this phrase and used it.
• WHO LEAVES A LETTER OUT OF THEIR OWN NAME???? The second “I” is missing in “KRISTN.” Furthermore, as mentioned earlier, Kris predominantly wrote in cursive and she typically signed her name in cursive as well. Why, in the most important document of her life, would she BLOCK PRINT her name, and even more bizarre, why would she leave a letter out of her own name? The writer appears to drop letters and cram letters together, but there is no evidence from other writings that Kris did these things.
“No need to search for my body”
• Why was this written on the BACK of the page on the “suicide note”? And why was the note left inside of a notebook to begin with?
• Kris was a member of the Anchorage Nordic Ski Patrol, and therefore, she was involved in search and rescue. Therefore, she would already know that THEY WOULD SEARCH FOR HER ANYWAY. Also, more importantly, why would she intentionally hide her own body and therefore put her colleagues/friends on the search and rescue team through the extensive trouble and potential dangers of conducting the search for her?
• Why write “my body” on the back of the page but write “me” on the front of the page of the note? That is yet another incongruity.
• Why the emphasis on not looking for a body? The writer clearly has a very specific reason to mention this; there is a reason the writer does not want the body found. It is very rare for a person to want to hide his/her own body, and even more rare to be able to successfully do so.

Information

• Prices are in USD
• US shipping: $7 USD, includes tracking
• Canada shipping: $1 USD for letter mail (no tracking), $8 USD for larger packets with tracking
• International shipping: $8 USD. Does not include tracking, but can get a quote if you'd like it
• From a smoke-free, cat-friendly home
• Payment by PayPal G&S (I will send an invoice)
• All items used two times or less just to test/swatch, unless noted
• Open to bundle deals and reasonable offers

The Goods

• Spreadsheet here with full details including notes

Alkemia
Full size

• Aurora - 5ml roller, $14
• Confectionaire - 5ml roller, $14
• Rondeaux d'Amour - 5ml roller, $14
• Veneficium - 5ml roller, $14

Samples

• Book of Shadows - 1ml sample, $2
• Hellcat - 1ml sample, $2
• The Highwayman - 1ml sample, $2

Arcana Wildcraft
Samples

• John Dee - 1.25ml sample, $3
• Yggdrasil - 1.25ml sample, $3

Black Baccara/Amorphous
Full size

• 90s Goth NYC - 5ml bottle, $18
• Boardwalk 1990 - 5ml bottle, $18
• Witch's Veil - 5ml bottle, $18

Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab (BPAL)
Full size

• Krampus (Yule 2023) - 5ml bottle, $20
• The Poinsettia Gown (Yule 2023) - 5ml bottle, wand cap added, $20
• Witches' Currant Cake (Halloween 2023) - 5ml bottle, wand cap added, $20

Samples and Ajevie decants

• Arachnina the Spider Girl (Carnaval Diabolique) - 0.92ml Ajevie sample, $5
• Blood Garden (Carnaval Diabolique) - 0.92ml Ajevie sample, $5
• Frankincense, Bourbon Vanilla and Hazelnut (Menage a Trois) - 0.74ml Ajevie sample, $4
• Rose Moon 2023 - 0.74ml Ajevie sample, $4
• Fancy Pups (Lupercalia 2024) - 0.5ml Ajevie sample, $3
• Hair Loosened and Soiled in Mid-Orgies (Lupercalias 2024) - 0.5ml Ajevie sample, $3
• Implacable Beautiful Tyrant (Lupercalia 2024) - 0.5ml Ajevie sample, $3
• O Daughter of Death and Priapus (Lupercalia 2024) - 0.5ml Ajevie sample, $3
• Sister Death (Lupercalia 2024) - 0.5ml Ajevie sample, $3
• There Yet Shall Be Sorrows (Lupercalia 2024) - 0.5ml Ajevie sample, $3
• Womb Furie - 0.5ml Ajevie sample, $3 PENDING
• Aperotos Eros - Imp, $2
• Bruised Violet Compound - Imp, $2
• Centzon Totochtin - Imp, $2
• Dance of Death - Imp, $2
• Defututa - Imp, $2
• High John the Conqueror - Imp, $2
• Iago - Imp, $2
• Kabuki - Imp, $2
• Mage - Imp, $2
• Old Demons of the First Class - Imp, $2
• Paris - Imp, $2
• Shub-Niggurath - Imp, $2

Death and Floral
Full size

• Doom and Gloom - 5ml roller, $12

Samples and Ajevie decants

• Hallows' Eve Museum Heist - 0.74ml Ajevie sample, $2
• Plastic Pumpkin Bucket - 0.74ml Ajevie sample, $2

Deconstructing Eden (Shipping within Canada only)
Samples

• Morrigan - 2.5ml sample, $4
• Violaceum #4 - 2.5ml sample, $4

Hexennacht
Samples

• Lipstick Accord - 0.74ml Ajevie sample, $2

Nocturne Alchemy (NAVA)
Full size

• Achilles - 5ml bottle, $18
• Neon Vampire - 5ml bottle, $18

Samples and Ajevie decants

• Dracula - 2ml sample, $5
• Faust - 2ml sample, $5
• Riven - 2ml sample, $5
• Salem - 2ml sample, $5
• Conjuring With the Witch - 0.74ml Ajevie sample, $3

Nui Cobalt
Full size and partials

• Aphrodite Nikephoros - 5ml bottle, $16
• At Your Command - 5ml bottle, $16
• Au Bal Masque - 5ml bottle, $16
• Exsanguinated - 5ml bottle, $16
• Long Shadows - 4ml partial in original bottle, $15
• Sword and Shield - 3.5ml partial in original bottle, $12

Samples

• Achievement Unlocked - 1ml sample, $3
• Aphrodite Chrysea - 1ml sample, $3
• Aphrodite Peitho - 1ml sample, $3
• Dwarven Fortitude - 1ml sample, $3
• Lycanthrope - 1ml sample, $3
• Shadow Touched - 1ml sample, $3
• Tall Dark Stranger - 1ml sample, $3

Pineward (Shipping within Canada only)
Samples

• Caravansary - 1.8ml sample, $4
• Revelries - 1.8ml sample, $4
• White Fir - 1.8ml sample, $4
• Iceflow - Mini sample, free with purchase

Poesie
Samples

• Awakening - 2ml sample bottle, $5
• Forest Cat - 1.15ml sample, $3
• La Vie En Rose - 1.15ml sample, $3

Possets
Full size

• Silver Leather - 6ml bottle, $16
• Silver Vanilla - 6ml bottle, $16

Samples and Ajevie decants

• Bar Sinister - 0.74ml sample, $2
• Churpz rev. 1 - 0.74ml sample, $2
• Field of Reeds Perfume Oil - 0.74ml sample, $2
• Hera - 0.74ml sample, $2
• JFK and Jackie - 0.74ml Ajevie sample, $2
• Morgan Le Fay - 0.74ml sample, $2
• Nefertiti and Akhenaten - 0.74ml sample, $2
• Silver Pomegranate - 0.74ml Ajevie sample, $2
• Wraith - 0.74ml sample, $2

Pulp Fragrance
Full size

• I've Written A Letter to Daddy - 4.5ml roller

Samples

• And to All a Good Night - 0.74ml sample, $3
• Ready For My Close-Up - 0.74ml sample, $3

Solstice Scents
Full size

• Upstairs Window - 5ml roller, $16 (Shipping within Canada only)

Samples

• Winslow's - 0.74ml sample, $2

Sorcellerie Apothecary
Samples

• The Ghost Wants Birthday Cake - 1ml sample, $3
• Something Wicked - 0.74ml Ajevie sample, $3

Thin Wild Mercury (Shipping within Canada only)
Samples

• 34 Bohemian Cafes - 2ml edp sample, $6
• Chateau 1970 - 2ml edp sample, $6

Venus Invictus
Samples

• Dionysus - 2ml edp sample, $5 (Shipping within Canada only)
• Eros - 2ml edp sample, $5 (Shipping within Canada only)
• Hekate - 2ml edp sample, $5 (Shipping within Canada only)
• Kthonia - 2ml edp sample, $5 (Shipping within Canada only)
• Pothos - 2ml edp sample, $5 (Shipping within Canada only)
• Sapphic Hymn - 1ml sample roller, $4
• Three Graces - 1ml sample roller, $4

Makeup

• Rituel de Fille Stellaris Rare Light Luminizer, $20
• Rituel de Fille Flora Ash and Ember Eye Soot, $20

Thanks for looking!

Hi all,
Posted here some days ago and then deleted the post as it was getting too much attention for me.
In short, I was made to work with blood samples and did not have time to think and realise there was a risk (I only usually just work with DNA). Saw my occupational health doctor for a check-up later that day and she told me I should be vaccinated for hepatitis B to work with blood, and that it was easy to get infected. She took my blood to check whether I had antibodies and I got the results 1.5 week later. No antibodies, letter says to get vaccinated.
I freaked out a lot about this hence my post here. On that day it happened, I e-mailed the safety officer asking for a risk assessment. The doctor also told me she would call the safety officer. I got no answer and a week later, guy who made me work with those samples brings 2 more to me asking me to do them. I tell him sorry I'm not vaccinated I'm not allowed to do it. He says I'm not vaccinated either, can you just do it and be careful? Thanks. He leaves.
I go to the safety officer and tell everything, she confirms I can't work with them and tells me she will talk to my boss. In the mean time, the next open day after getting my results, I get vaccinated at my GP as it was the quickest was to get vaccinated. This was 2 days before I went to the safety officer, so at that time I tell her all and ask if it can still be reimbursed by work and she says maybe I can do the next 2 doses from work doctors and in that case probably but how it usually happens is that the boss makes that request before someone works with blood.
Today, I get an e-mail from her telling me there was no risk, the "sample" I worked with had been characterized as negative for hepatitis B (I did 3 samples from 3 different patients) so there is no risk, no vaccine needed, plus it is a safety requirement that was included in the yearly briefing (a presentation given about safety rules, that does not seem to be online), and she says that my boss told her he does not want me to do this kind of samples anymore.
This information was not given to me when I would have needed it and now the whole thing is on me. I feel weirdly handled here. Is it normal?

Hi everyone, i plan on applying to clinical PhD programs in the cycle of 2025 to be admitted in 2026. I wanted to get people’s input on whether it is necessary that I go get some clinical experience given that I virtually have none. Just a bit about my CV: I volunteered as an undergrad research assistant for 2.5 years in a lab studying BD (did an honors thesis using data from a healthy sample). I had zero interaction with the BD participants and data collection was put to a halt due to the pandemic. I’ve been working post bacc for the past year in a lab that, while they promote themselves as a clinical lab interested in psychiatric disorders, it is actually an affective and developmental lab working with a community sample. I do administer SCID as part of my job and have been trained with how to deal with situations like suicidal endorsement. But outside of that, I don’t have any “clinical” experience as far as that is possible at this stage in my career. I surely will have extensive research experience and skills by the time I apply, including operating an MRI scanner (don’t know if this will be relevant in my applications yet), administering SCID, proficient with coding, running statistical analyses, both in R and fMRI data processing and analysis, with maybe a couple of publications (not first author, impossible in my lab, most likely mid-authors) and some posters (maybe 2 first authors and a few mid-authors). I also will have two really strong letters of rec from two distinguished professors in my field. No idea who will be my third at the moment. So should I go volunteer at some suicide hotline or outpatient/inpatient hospital to get clinical experience? How much will not being exposed to clinical populations hurt my resume? What type of “clinical experience” do you think would be best?

I received a message from a customer who was not satisfied with her order because the font of her decal did not look how she expected. There are samples of every font style on the listing photo to chose from. She reached out in an accusatory tone stating that she wasn’t provided with proof before shipping and that every letter of every font provided is not listed and it seems as if she wants me to replace her whole order for free. Not sure how to proceed with this situation since I did fulfill the order with the correct information and font style. What would be the best way to handle this situation?

Hi all,
Not sure if this is the place for this so redirect me if i’m lost.
My sister needs to apply for an Australia Visitors (Tourist) Visa and she is a minor, but only one of my parents will be traveling with her. Therefore, one of the requirements is a letter of consent from the non traveling parent.
I was only wondering what this letter should look like - should it have a signature? What should it really say?
Can’t find a sample online so any advice would be appreciated.
TIA!

Is there a doc in here that can write an example of a doctor’s note for FMLA for plastic surgery?
*cosmetic procedures are covered under FMLA as long as you stay at least 1 night in the hospital.
I’m having a tummy tuck out of the country and need a sample I can give my doc about what to write (avoid plastic surgery and more discuss abdominal surgery, muscle repair, etc.)
I don’t know HIPPA laws so I don’t know what doctors can technically share in their letters.

33F that lost 125lbs post bariatric surgery
Is there a doc in here that can write an example of a doctor’s note for FMLA for plastic surgery?
*cosmetic procedures are covered under FMLA as long as you stay at least 1 night in the hospital.
I’m having a tummy tuck out of the country and need a sample I can give my doc about what to write (avoid plastic surgery and more discuss abdominal surgery, muscle repair, etc.)
I don’t know HIPPA laws so I don’t know what doctors can technically share in their letters.

Russian forces are making a push, animal testing ramps up for H5N1, and over 365 days of temperature records…
Last Week in Collapse: May 5-11, 2024
This is Last Week in Collapse, a weekly newsletter compiling some of the most important, timely, useful, soul-crushing, ironic, stunning, exhausting, or otherwise must-see/can’t-look-away moments in Collapse.
This is the 124th newsletter. You can find the April 28-May 4 edition here if you missed it last week. You can also receive these posts (with images) every Sunday in your email inbox with Substack.
——————————
Earth experienced its largest CO2 concentration increase over a 12-month period, scientists say, from March 2023-2024. It was a jump of 4.7ppm more of carbon dioxide, blamed on deforestation, fossil fuels, and El Niño. Experts are saying that El Niño has peaked, and will transition to La Niña within a few months. La Niña lasts about 1-3 years, and it generally cools the Pacific Ocean, and brings more rain to India & Bangladesh, among other changes. Earth also experienced its greatest atmospheric moisture for the month of April.
Venezuela has lost its last glacier, the Humboldt, which was reclassified into an “ice field.” It is the first modern nation to lose all its glaciers. Scientists believe Indonesia, Mexico, and Slovenia are next in line to see the extinction of their glaciers. Colombia is also rapidly losing its remaining 6 glaciers.
Wildfires in Chile have killed about a hundred people, and injured & displaced thousands. Flooding in Afghanistan. And climate change is ruining cotton crops, and livestock, in Chad. Plus, flooding struck the DRC, overflowing rivers and latrines—affecting some 500,000 people. And some climatologists think we have been underestimating how much climate change is driving greater rainfall & flooding; the worst is yet to come.
The first week of May saw so many temperature records broken; some are claiming that it might be the “most record breaking month in climatic history”—until June, that is. Earth has been seeing 13 months of monthly records being broken for global sea surface temperatures. Literally 365 days of record-breaking ocean temperatures.
A study in PNAS examined North Pacific “warm blob” heat waves from 2010-2020, and concluded that China’s reduction in aerosols, which cleaned the air but also removed the sun-reflective particles, incidentally probably caused marine heat waves which killed fish and resulted in algae blooms.
Bees are having difficulty acclimatizing their nests to rising temperatures. The dugong, while still rarely seen in parts of the world, has been declared extinct inside China, having gone 24 years without a known sighting. In Florida, the suburbification of land under development is pushing the Florida panther closer to extinction; some 100 panthers remain in the sunshine state.
Siberia’s Batagaika crater—I prefer its alternative title, “megaslump”—is expanding by about 1M cubic meters, every year. Scientists naturally blame the rapid permafrost melting on climate change.
A cruise ship entered New York City with an endangered 44 ft {13.4m} dead sea whale stuck on its bow (front). Investigators are looking into whether it was already dead when the ship hit it. A study in Conservation Letters looked at the 100 largest Marine Protected Areas (MPAs)—which cover 7.3% of all ocean area—and found that almost 60% of this area is not in range of meeting the 2030 preservation goals.
Part of India broke May records already; the Maldives, too. Eastern Ukraine ended a far warmer & wetter April than usual. And a heat wave in Mexico scorched previous May temperature records across 10 cities, as well as small regional blackouts. North America felt its all-time hottest May temperature...
——————————
AstraZeneca is pulling its COVID vaccine from the EU over a rare blood clooting side effect. Nevertheless, some experts claim that vaccine saved over 6M lives. Whatever U.S. CDC data on COVID is still available points to “a small rise” in cases later this summer, mostly from the growing KP.2 “FLiRT” variant.
COVID patients and immunocompromised individuals are still using lots of healthcare resources, and the rise of resistant superbugs is developing alarmingly fast. According to the article, “It only takes about a year on average for bacteria to grow resistant to treatment, when they used to take 21 years to evolve back in the 1960s.”
Engineers and medical professionals remain concerned about nanoplastics, between 1-1,000 nanometers wide. One grain of sand is about 500,000 nanometers, and one strand of DNA is about 2.5 nanometers. A single wavelength of light ranges from 400-700 nanometers.
South Africa’s water shortage is projected to worsen through at least 2025. Nairobi’s water shortage continues, despite the city’s dams being filled with floodwater. Costa Rica is facing a Drought so bad it’s rationing electricity. Mexico City—the second-most-populous city (by metro area: 21.8M; São Paolo is #1, at 22M) in North America— is seeing more than 20% of freshwater sources exhausted, and rationing is not enough. It’s almost like we’re living at unsustainable levels of consumption…
As Latin America warms (and suffers flooding), disease is becoming more common—as well as heat stroke & serious hunger. Benin is refusing Niger the permission to use its port to export oil, as a result of a border dispute.
A paywalled study in Nature Water tested a new method for removing PFAS foam particles in water, with “near-complete destruction of PFAS in various water samples contaminated by the foams.” The process involves “ultra-violet (UV) light, sulfite, and a process called electrochemical oxidation” and does not require heat or high pressure. The number of U.S. states phasing out PFAS is growing.
As forcible repatriations of thousands of Afghans continue, millions of Afghans are suffering from lack of humanitarian aid—aggravated by recent deadly flash floods in the beleaguered, landlocked, failed state.
Yeasty superfungus Candida Auris infections were detected in 77 cases in Germany last year, authorities say. Candida Auris was only identified 15 years ago, but its three separate genetic variants (each on a different continent) have stealthily and stubbornly grown to pose a stealth threat to humankind. It is incredibly resistant to antifungal drugs, and it survives at higher temperatures than most other fungi. The WHO has listed it on a shortlist of top fungal pathogen dangers.
3 cats died from H5N1 in the United States last week. Some health professionals are getting more worried about a future H5N1 jump to become human-to-human transmissible, and claim that we are not ready as a species. Experts say we are not doing enough testing, and may already be in the prologue of a much more devastating pandemic. Scientists still say it is unlikely that a strain will make the critical mutation necessary, but the similarities between human and cow (and other mammal) flu receptors present potential complications.
The world is supposedly being divided into three general trade blocs: U.S., China, and the non-aligned states. For better or worse, globalization is crumbling, and governments are imposing tariffs, attempting to reshore industries, and restructure debt & credit flows. What will happen when the people, long-trained to expect high returns, find their profits wanting?
——————————
Two camps for internally displaced people near Goma, DRC were bombed, killing 12+ and injuring 20+. The perpetrators and their motives are unclear.
Rising crime. Drinking water. Closing the Darien Gap. These were the issues propelling Panama’s president-elect to a victory last Sunday. The arrival of rain is also improving conditions on the Drought-choken Panama Canal, expected to return to normal for at least a month or two.
A wave of Chinese espionage, much of it several years old, is sweeping Europe. Of particular concern is a hack of British military personnel information uncovered on Tuesday—which China denies. Similar espionage against the U.S. has reportedly cost the economy hundreds of billions per year.
Kenya’s mission to stabilize Haiti is inching forward slowly. The Pentagon has ordered its 1,000 troops to leave Niger. At least one Saudi villager was killed to make room for The Line, and reports claim Saudi forces have been given the green light to clear other people who get in the way of the development. Germany’s Defence Ministry is seriously considering recommending conscription for its 18-year olds later this summer.
Displacement in Myanmar has spiked over the past six months—and now counts 3M+ people since the February 2021 coup which sparked more open resistance.
Tunisia ejected ~400 migrants into Libya. Kazakhstan is expelling Tajik migrants in far-ranging sweeps. In Lebanon, vigilante attacks against Syrians have become more common. Mauritania is conducting military drills along part of its border with Mali, after reports emerged of Malian soldiers attacking border settlements.
In Sudan, over 200 witnesses corroborated reports of a massacre last June, where RSF insurgents piled up and shot” at least 17 people, most of whom were children. A lengthy report from Human Rights Watch, complete with timelines, testimony, war crimes, and other horrors from Sudan is over 150 pages. I did not have the fortitude to skim much of it.
A Hamas attack on Sunday, which killed 4 Israeli soldiers, reportedly pushed the Rafah invasion ahead of schedule. The IDF took over the Egypt-Gaza border, and is scaling up operations in southern Gaza. In response, the U.S. paused arms transfers to Israel. Any chance of a ceasefire, if there was ever really a credible chance, will have to wait. Diarrhea is soaring in Gaza, due in large part to a critical water shortage, caused by the destruction of wastewater treatment plants, the damage to water infrastructure, and large-scale displacement. A new evacuation order has commanded over 1M people in Gaza to leave before a more comprehensive invasion of Rafah begins.
A day after President Putin was inaugurated for his fifth term, he ordered a wide strike at Ukrainian infrastructure across seven oblasts. Most of the missiles and drones were shot down. And another plot to assassinate Zelenskyy was foiled. Lithuania is considering sending military trainers into Ukraine. Putin announced that Russian forces would target Western soldiers deployed in Ukraine, and begin drills simulating nuclear weapons if Britain’s involvement grows. Already, Belarus conducted a military drill with missiles & planes capable of using nukes.
In addition to extending Ukraine’s mobilization by another 90 days, the government has also allowing some convicts to fight on the battlefield in exchange for reduced sentences. Poland is allegedly considering repatriating thousands of draft-eligible Ukrainian men, and Germany is emphasizing the need for Ukrainian refugees to work.
Japan is boosting investment in a hypersonic missile interceptor project with the United States. A large-scale Russian offensive has begun across the front-lines, particularly around Kharkiv. And Russia’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs is beginning talk of a “genocide” in Moldova, which could provide the pretext for another special military operation in Transnistria—and perhaps beyond.
——————————
Things to watch out for next week include:
↠ The IDMC is releasing their 2024 report on Internally Displaced People (IDPs) on Tuesday, with estimates for total figures by nation & region.
Select comments/threads from the subreddit last week suggest:
-High temperatures are going to ruin food—and a lot of people’s health. This thread about the contamination of bánh mi in Vietnam sheds some light on the interconnectivity of our problems. Add in some heat wave-induced power outages, loose government regulation, and hospital problems, and you can imagine how this slow-moving disaster can cripple a community.
-“Microforests” may help mitigate some of the effects of ecosystem collapse and desertification—as well as boosting your property value, judging by this thread and its comments.
-One Collapsenik published a free ebook & audiobook satirizing American Collapse—and I’m not just linking because this newsletter was apparently a source of Doom inspiration. If you write an 80,000 word novel about Collapse, featuring some 300 references, I’ll share it too. Maybe one day I’ll have the time to write one…
Got any feedback, questions, comments, complaints, upvotes, movie recommendations, good off-grid land deals, locust broth, etc.? Check out the Last Week in Collapse SubStack if you don’t want to check collapse every Sunday, you can receive this newsletter sent to your (or someone else’s) email inbox every weekend. What did I forget this week?

Score Break Downs (in order I took them):

• FL #1: C/P: 122, CARS: 126, B/B: 125, P/S: 127--500
• FL #2: C/P: 123, CARS: 129, B/B: 127, P/S: 128--507
• FL #4: C/P: 126, CARS: 127, B/B: 126, P/S: 128--507
• FL #3: C/P: 125, CARS: 126, B/B: 127, P/S: 129--507

So I've taken all the FL's except for the samples, and I am completely stuck at 507 for some reason. I took the exam last year and got a 497 (had a personal issue the morning of the exam that broke my focus). On one hand, I'm absolutely stoked to be scoring 10 points above my last take. But on the other hand, I really need it a little higher because my GPA is so low. My application is strong other than that (over 10k hours clinical experience in a a variety of different fields, 4k research hours w/ 2 pubs, and strong letters of rec from an MD I currently work with, 2 lab PI's, a science professor, and supervisors at both of my current jobs). I feel like a 510+ MCAT would do everything for me.
I started with the Anking V2 deck and finished it last month. I have 50 cards left on the JackSparrow anki deck and will finish it as soon as I'm done typing this up. I feel like I have a good handle on almost everything conceptually, but I cant get any progress going for some reason. I garbage at math, which is why my C/P score is so low. Going to work on getting dimensional analysis down pat this week.
On a positive note, I haven't studied for psych at all yet because I'm a psych major and was pretty confident coming in. Hoping it'll bump me up a point or 2. Planning on speed reading the 80 page psych doc this week. But I'm really worried about the variability on my C/P and CARS scores. I've been really focusing on C/P because it started so low. But because of my emphasis on that I haven't really had an in depth review of any B/B in a few weeks.
Please help a brotha out, I feel like I'm so close but so far. 3 points in 5 days.

San Francisco 1968. An apparent bank robbery of a Wells Fargo Bank produced a 'Robbery Note' left behind that was signed by 'Zodiac'. It was apparently 17 days before the first known Zodiac Murder at Lake Herman Road.
Zodiac Wells Fargo Bank Robbery Note Decoding ' This' 3 — Postimages (postimg.cc)
The note seemed normal enough. It began saying, 'This is a 'Robbery' or did it? The word 'This' was spelled without crossing the 'T'. Even the FBI said that the note was so disfigured with odd letter characters that they were unable to use it as a decent comparison to a sample of some suspect that was being investigated in the case.
Fast forward 50 plus years and here in Los Angeles our Investigator, Steven Butler, saw a post on Reddit about this note. He clicked the link and immediately noticed patterns similar to other coding methods used by the 'Zodiac'.
In his mind, it was authentic, and he went about trying to decode it. One of the most significant anomalies he noticed was that the 'T' in the word This was not crossed. For 50 years the experts felt that was just another example of the Zodiac being stupid and unable to spell. However, Steven has long found that the miss-spelled words were actually embedded coded messages for a group of people using military intelligence techniques were employing to communicate plans and actions within the group without leaving any direct traceable communications.
Going on a hunch, from a 'tip' he had received last year that one or more of the Zodiac members may have been stationed at Naval Air Station Almeada, he pulled up a map of the location thinking that the un-crossed 'T' curved may have been a representation of some unique geography. His hunch paid off in spades!
The airbase and runway were located next to an inlet river separating Oakland and Almeada Air Base. The tight configuration of the runways and the extended left end formed a perfect 'h', of which the knee of that figure was directly across from a dock configuration that formed an 'unmistakable' dotted 'i' of which was the barrier for where ships stationed there docked. It was obvious that the 'S' represented a ship.
It turns out that in late 1968 one of the most famous aircraft carriers, with the USS Navy's most Famous Names was docked there in preparation for a new deployment to Vietnam.
The USS Enterprise CVN-65
USS Enterprise (CVN-65) - Wikipedia)
Naval Air Station Alameda - Google Maps

Oh boy it is hard work. I am new to UW, and I feel good writing these 2 letters. fingers crossed. For these 2 jobs, I even submitted sample of artifacts as proof of work I have done in the fields before. I am curious to find out what do you guys submit with your letter in your proposals to increase the chances of getting an interview?

This week I wrote an autobiographical account of my history with sleep paralysis, RLS, and hypnagogic hallucinations.
I was not sure where to share it. I added it and deleted it from a few subs. The only place it ended up was the creative writing sub, though.
And this appears to be the right spot! There are several themes but the hypnagogia is the focus. So it's quite long and probably no one reads it and that's fine. I just wanted to find somewhere to put it in case my experience could benefit someone.
⚠️ ⚠️ WARNING first part is scary and a bit gory... ⚠️ ⚠️

Childhood

The first time that I encountered sleep paralysis was when I was nine or ten. I woke up screaming, my mind gripped with the sensation of searing pain radiating from my left big toe. Though my mouth wasn't moving, I could hear my own blood-curdling cries, echoing through the darkness. An eerie orange glow spilled into the room, illuminating a sinister cauldron at the base of my bed, around which stood three squat witches. Their dark, smoky faces shifted and morphed constantly, eyes glowing red like embers recessed deeply into the shadows of their crawling flesh, jagged teeth gnashing along with their discordant laughter as roaches crawled from their mouths and disappeared into their black straw hair.
Each witch held their own dainty knife and fork, shaking along with their trembling bony hands, and one was slicing expertly down the center of my big toe with the impossibly sharp blade of their knife. I struggled to move my arms and legs, feeling as though I had freedom of movement, but my physical body remained paralyzed. Unfathomable terror washed over me as I realized that I couldn't scream for help; my mom wouldn't hear me, and I was powerless to stop these witches from feasting on my toes.
I lay there, unable to break free from the oppressive paralysis, forced to endure the excruciating pain as my toes were sliced off and consumed. The air buzzed with the witches' terrifying, joyous laughter, as if they delighted in my agony more than the taste of my flesh. Eventually, my body in a full state of terror jarred itself awake, heart beating more wildly than I had ever experienced, my lungs struggling to gasp more than the tiniest breath. After perhaps a full minute of gathering myself, I drew a deep breath and screamed into the night.
My mother came, of course, but was unable to understand the depth and terror of my experience. Her own reality did not include anything close; for her, it was an exaggeration born of childhood fear, and she became exasperated after a time with my refusal to admit that it was a dream, despite being an extremely caring parent.
The witches appeared to me several times between the ages of 10 and 15, their ghastly faces returning to torment me with each episode of sleep paralysis. Every time, I would be trapped in that terrifying limbo, my body frozen while my mind drowned itself in screams of agony and horror. I knew that they would feast on my toes, the slicing of their knives relentless, inexorable. They would smack their lips and toast each other with my blood-covered flesh as I watched.
During those years, restless legs syndrome (RLS) also began to plague my nights. As soon as I began to drift off to sleep, a discomfort would arise in my legs, like there was a swarm of fat round beetles exploring, searching for an exit. A quick kick would settle it down, but it would rise again in a cycle of building tension, acutely uncomfortable climax, and brief relief of a second or two would follow before it began again. My mother, again meaning well but busy and unfamiliar with RLS, told me it was leg cramps and made me eat more banannas. This didn't help.
It became an increasing problem, stealing precious sleep that my young body needed to thrive. The frustration of RLS merged with the terror of a potential visit from the witches. Without medication, I would lose entire nights to the relentless discomfort.
By the age of 15, the sleep paralysis episodes had occurred at least 10 times, each leaving me with the gut-wrenching memory of being eaten alive that I would carry all the next day in my gut like a sack of bricks. As I lay sleeping, every single night, I wondered if they would visit, and braced myself for an encounter.

Early adulthood:

I can't remember how many times the witches visited before I finally stopped panicking. It was after countless God awful nights when I finally accepted that no matter how terrifying or painful the ordeal felt, I would be whole once it was over. I had survived the agony a hundred times before and could endure it again. One night, when the eerie glow of the cauldron illuminated their shifting faces, I felt a calm settle over me. I saw the witches, but for the first time, I wasn't afraid.
They noticed my defiance, their laughter fading into an uneasy silence. Without fanfare, they stood up, collected their cauldron, and retreated into the darkness of my room. Though I still saw them occasionally at the foot of my bed, they became more present than threatening. Sometimes, at the start of an episode, they'd appear briefly before disappearing altogether. They had become inconsequential, and I couldn't even be sure if they were there half the time.
In my early 20s, I discovered that I could almost guarantee a bout of sleep paralysis simply by sleeping during the day. At first, nothing particularly unusual happened, but the paralysis always returned whenever I dozed off, particularly between the hours of 11am and 2pm. I was often sleeping during the day because by then, the restless legs syndrome (RLS) had grown so severe that many nights passed without sleep at all. My body felt like it was full of angry snakes now instead of beetles, desperate to escape. The sensation soon crept upward from my legs to my arms. The cycles of build up, climax, and agonizly brief relief increased in frequency and magnitude. I would often resort to sitting in the shower, flipping the water from icy cold to scalding hot all night, simply to keep myself alert enough to avoid the twitching and spasming until the blessed relief of dawn arrived.
With the daytime paralysis came a variety of hallucinations. Sometimes the witches stood at the foot of my bed, other times they'd disappear, leaving behind benign apparitions like tickling gnomes. There was nothing threatening about these visions, and I began to find a strange sense of comfort in them. I would relax into a dark place where I felt my own energy burning like a sun, present but without physical form. In this state, I felt euphoric, fully aware yet separate from myself. I started taking naps during the day and eagerly anticipated this odd experience.
Yet at night, my sleep remained troubled as RLS tormented me. Eventually, I began taking ropinirole to manage the symptoms, and it brought much-needed relief, helping me reclaim my nights and giving me several years of mostly not worrying about RLS unless I forgot to take my medicine, or the odd night where it bothered me but was still less severe.

New experiences:

I spent several years relishing those euphoric moments of peace, where I could feel the pure energy of being alive without a personal history or identity. In those moments, everything else faded away, and all that remained was a brilliant, infinite energy. My waking life was absorbed by study of comtemporary and historical teachings of non-duality, and with my family and progressing my career as a software developer. I was absorbing Eckhart Tolle and Gautama, Meister Eckhart and Seuhn Sang and integrating their teachings into my daily life. The feeling inside of me that reality ultimately made no sense had found an expression, and I dug in every waking moment for a clue as to the true nature of experience. Given this context, I especially looked forward to and found solace in the experience of being impersonal, boundless energy.
In my late 20s, I also experienced a new type of sleep paralysis hallucination. One day it began that there were no visions or hallucinations; instead, I simply lay in a state of paralysis, aware of the room as a darkened and monochrome version of itself. I entertained myself by trying to move my arms and legs against the paralysis, and developed the idea that I had two bodies; my physical body lay on the bed, while my energetic body struggled and flailed. It was like my energy body could move separately, creating a phantom limb sensation. I felt my energy arms and legs extend out, yet my physical body lay still. As my energy body reached further from my physical self, it would snap back as if held by a rubber band.
Intrigued, I began experimenting with this phenomenon, managing to build enough momentum to "pop" out of my body one afternoon. Suddenly, I found myself looking down at my own sleeping form, resting on my back and breathing gently beside my wife, who was playing a game (probably Candy Crush) on her phone in the bed. It was surreal, and I wasn't sure whether I was hallucinating or truly perceiving my own body from a different perspective. Regardless, it was a revelation, and I felt a new sense of exploration as I gazed down at myself.
That first time, I found myself drifting through the house, checking on my two young stepdaughters as they slept. I had recently married, and it was a quiet weekend afternoon with everyone napping peacefully. Once satisfied, I ventured outside, where I took to the sky and flew around the neighborhood, spying on my neighbors. Though it felt like I was limited in speed, I seemingly had no constraints on the continuity of this hallucination. Everything appeared as a perfect physical representation of Earth, and I could travel without interruption.
The landscape was strikingly accurate, but it appeared in monochrome hues — grays, blacks, and whites — with no bright colors. Letters and numbers were unreadable, reduced to blurred nonsense. Despite these distortions, the sensation of soaring above the rolling hills and rooftops was pure euphoria. I sped along at hundreds of miles per hour, basking in the freedom of movement, and immersed in the stunning view that stretched out below me. There did seem to be some sort of very generous limit to how far I could travel, but I thoroughly explored within the boundaries for hundreds of miles around my home.
Over the years into my early 30s, I tried to pursue this opportunity of flight and exploration every chance I could. But during that time, my restless legs syndrome also became more relentless. In the past, no matter how agonizing the night had been, dawn would bring relief like a cold bath washing over me. I would sit outside and watch the sunrise, and the sensation of snakes slithering through my body would finally calm down, perhaps due to circadian rhythms and dopamine regulation. The cycles now began to climax in totally involuntary movement, spasms that caused me to tense my whole body and draw in a sharp breath every time. It would be 5 seconds of rapid buildup, spasm, a second or two of relief, repeat.
Eventually, even the dawn failed to provide respite, and I struggled during night or day whenever I relaxed too long or became even a bit drowsy. Napping became impossible, depriving me of the euphoric dreams I had learned to look forward to. I switched from ropinirole to pramipexole, hoping for relief. The medication helped me sleep five or six hours a night on good nights, but I still missed one or two nights of sleep entirely each week and rarely could nap during the day, because I took the medicine only a couple hours before bed.
Even though my restless legs syndrome worsened, one out of every ten times, I'd still manage to avoid twitching and drift into that state of peaceful paralysis during the day when I dozed off involuntarily. I gradually lost interest in pursuing out-of-body travel and instead sought every time the burning energy of the sun inside of me — the sensation of being infinitely powerful and formless simultaneously. I would retreat into this boundless feeling whenever I had the opportunity.
During these rare occasions when I could sleep during the day, I stumbled across a third type of experience. It felt like I was being sucked into space at impossible speeds, zooming past the planets of our solar system and beyond until I reached a darker patch of space. This spot seemed like a vast, corrugated sewer pipe that swallowed me whole. I rocketed through the universe, traveling at what could only be the speed of light. Eventually, I would break into the atmosphere of some unknown world, drifting down to its surface sometimes, others crashing painfully into terrain. Sometimes, I would hear a loud sound like an explosion in mid travel, and suddenly aterialize on another distant world without any sort of entrace.
These journeys were exhilarating, and each new landscape presented a mystery, revealing worlds unlike anything I'd ever seen.

The Traveling Years:

One of the first journeys I had involved zipping through space before drifting down through a hole in the top of a greenhouse. The world was painted in shades of orange and brown, its dirt swirling in powerful winds like clay cyclones. The greenhouse itself was dirty and grimy, almost opaque with crusted dirt, and filled with dense green plants — ivy and other dark green foliage that covered every inch inside. Outside, the orange sky churned with the swirling clay, making visibility nearly impossible.
I made my way down a ladder and emerged outside, where I found a man and a boy standing beside a white pinto horse. They both wore hardened leather over rough potato sack-like clothing, their long hair dotted with bone jewelry, their noses and eyebrows profusely pierced with other fragments of bone adorned with feathers. The man seemed to be instructing the boy on something to do with the horse. I approached them cautiously, fully aware of my lucid dreaming state and retaining all my memories, reasoning, and thoughts. Everything about the scene was vivid, from the clay dust swirling around to the squinting struggle to see in the wind.
Unlike the man and the boy, I had no long hair, no mouth covering, and no leather visor shielding my face from the swirling clay-dust. As I tried to speak, it seemed like they couldn’t hear me, and I wondered if I might be invisible to them. Unconcerned, I reached out to pat the horse on its nose, but before I could make contact, the man swiftly drew a long knife from his belt and stabbed me. He struck again, and the intense pain and feeling of my own scalding hot blood streaming down my pants legs snapped me awake.
Not long after my experience in the greenhouse, I found myself learning more about the worlds I could explore, though the opportunities remained rare. One day, I was transported to a beautiful blue tropical world, crashing into the dunes of a pristine white beach. There, I encountered three women, each towering over me at seven or eight feet tall. Their long black hair framed their pale faces, with blood-red lips striking against their alabaster skin. But what stood out most were their fingernails — long and crimson, curling back upon themselves dozens of times like spiraling ribbons. They were two or three feet in length and added a surreal menace to their presence.
They asked me my name and the name of my father, along with other odd questions, and seemed absolutely intriqued with me. There was a certain sort of heavy molasses quality to their voices that was more than sound and impossible to describe. It had the effect of making me feel drowsy and stupid and slow to move.
As I stood there, they began touching me with their nails, tracing them across my body in elaborate, almost ritualistic patterns. I felt my energy drain with every stroke, a profound exhaustion seeping into my core. The sensation was so intense that I woke up feeling completely drained, my limbs heavy and my spirit sapped.
Another time, I appeared without explanation after my space travel in a cavern brimming with glowing fungi and luminescent crystals. I wasn't myself in this world but instead had taken the place of someone else. My father stood beside me, guiding me through the luminous landscape. He taught me how to identify the bizarre and fascinating flora surrounding us — lessons that etched themselves into my mind and last to this day despite the surreal, made-up nature of this world. The glowing crystals and fungi cast eerie shadows across the cavern walls as my father explained the properties and uses of each.
In real life, these experiences would last for about five to eight minutes, but in the dream realm, the passage of time was different. What seemed like mere minutes could stretch into hours or even days, and in rare cases, the dreams spanned much longer.

RLS becomes terrible:

I had a new busy career, an infant daughter, two active growing stepdaughters, and a wife with a hectic job, and I struggled hard through the years between 35 and 39. Each night was pure torture, as restless leg syndrome robbed me of sleep. Days of sleep deprivation left me barely functioning, often teetering on the edge of collapse while the disease gnawed away. The unrelenting discomfort made it impossible to fall asleep, even as my body craved rest. I had no choice but to continue, as I had yet to find a doctor that knew how to move past the ropinirole and pramipexole stage of treatment, and these medicines had almost entirely ceased to be effective for me. My love for my family drove me to conceal the intense effort that day to day living had become. I managed to keep up with my career by farming a prescription for Adderall. I don't have ADHD, so it had the effect on me of methamphetamine and allowed me to push through the God awful existence that life had become.
The toll became overwhelming. I couldn't escape the agony, even after days of desperate attempts to sleep. More than once, I ended up in the emergency room after going four or five nights without sleep. For some people, this will seem like an exaggeration; I assure you, it is not. I would be nonsensical, having conversations with people tha weren't in the room, drifting in and out of intense 1 second dreams before snapping awake with painful spasms. At the hospital, they would give me percocet, and the painkillers provided brief reprieve from RLS for some reason, allowing me one solid night’s sleep, but the relentless cycle quickly resumed, leaving me struggling once again.
Eventually, I found a neurologist who prescribed Neupro patches that provided temporary relief. For a few months, I managed to sleep more consistently, but the patches quickly lost their effectiveness. It wasn't until I added methadone to the treatment that I finally found more lasting relief.
During those difficult years, I immersed myself in non-dual philosophy. In that crucible of suffering, my conviction solidified: my true nature was more aligned with the energy hallucinations I experienced than with a body made of skin, bone, and brain. That transcendent energy, more real and enduring than the physical form I occupied, became my identity in daily life, watching peacefully as my body and brain navigated the situational complexity of life.
Approaching my 40th birthday, I found that I could sleep at night and dream during the day. My life was in good shape, I lost 60 pounds without effort, and I felt fundamentally and imperturbably peaceful. Suddenly, life was in the palm of my hands, every moment pristine and still and perfect. I felt weightless without the burden of needing to endure trauma every night.
Most importantly to this story, I worked from home and could nap on my lunch breaks.

Rapid learning through iteration:

Rarely, I would fail to nap at all due to RLS. Sometimes I would simply doze off and wake up 10 minutes later to my cell phone alarm. But three out of five times, I would travel.
I visited dozens of worlds in a matter of a few short months and quickly was able to confirm some rules that I had suspected were true from my previous adventures.
One rule is that no one I know in real life ever shows up in the travelling dreams. No matter the place or circumstance or strange beings that I encountered, there was never a familiar face.
Another rule was that no dream person ever had a name or a father. The absence of both seemed to be an unspoken universal truth among these dream world inhabitants. Once I had internalized the significance of this, I began introducing myself to most beings that I encountered as "John, son of Michael." It left a strong impression. My name and lineage seemed to set me apart, bestowing an almost mythical quality upon me that earned me a peculiar reverence among all that I met. This knowledge became the key to navigating the dream worlds with confidence and a consistent purpose of discovery.
I learned accidentally of a unique ability during my travels: a form of telekenesis that allowed me to project force from the palms of my hands. This development led to many episodes of paralysis spent ignoring exploration and instead hilariously and painfully attempting to master this ability for the purpose of travel. Over time, I refined my skill, learning to fly much like Iron Man, but solely through the focused propulsion from my hands. Without stabilization from my feet, I had to carefully control the angle of projection and the amount of force applied to control my trajectory and speed.
Mastering this ability took significant practice, but eventually, I could navigate obstacles with ease and travel great distances in short amounts of time. I also no longer crash landed, thankfully. Importantly, I could harness this power to overcome any threatening beings that I encountered. Previously, my best option was to hide or flee, and that did not always work out. Now I had this amazing sense of fearlessness and confidence that simply cannot be rivaled by real world experience. Every time I heard the buzzing sounds and felt the WUM WUM WUM of energy as I prepared to launch into space, I embraced the journey with eager anticipation, confident in my ability to protect myself and learn about whatever strange world awaited me.

To Present Day:

As I grew more confident in my ability to travel almost at will, I began to incorporate spirituality into my experimentation. One day, on a whim, I expressed to the universe that if there were a being that had my best interests at heart and loved me fully, then I gave them permission to guide my dreams and lead me to greater truths, even if they were uncomfortable. This openness led to a new experience immediately, and I began to preface many of my journeys with a similar, simple prayer.
That first time, I fell down instead of up -- into myself, into the infinite dimensionless darkness where I could spin and burn and bathe in the euphoric sense of my own eternal nature. But my peace was quickly interrupted by an intense feeling of pressure at the base of my spine, though I couldn't have pinpointed where the body was that the spine inhabited. Very, very slowly, with a CRUNCHA CRUNCHA CRUNCHA noise for every milimeter of ground gained, it crawled upwards towards my head.
As it climbed, the energy below it intensified, growing exponenentially as the surface area covered grew. It wasn't painful, exactly, but it was terrifyingly intense. That first time, I managed to stay calm long enough for it to reach my shoulder blades before it became unbearably frightening and I jerked myself out of it, sure that I would die if I allowed it to continue upward. Over the last few months I have vowed to myself that I would endure any level of discomfort to see what happens at the end, but I keep chickening out. I have let it go as far as the base of my skull, at which time my head started vibrating so much that I could feel my teeth chattering violently even in my paralysis.
Another time recently when I made this prayer, I went to space as usual, but when I entered the atmosphere of a lush Earth-like world, my telekenesis failed me for the first time ever. Instead, I was pulled like in a slow tractor beam down beneath the perfectly round canopy of a giant, unfamiliar kind of tree. I felt a great sense of calm and peace and simply meditated there for quite some time, maybe 9 or 10 hours of relative time, before I heard a voice from behind the tree.
The man who stepped out from there had his face hidden in shadows. He wore a long dusty leather coat and a huge cowboy hat that shrouded him. As I write this, I find that I am not yet prepared to write about what he said to me, or how I responded. But when we had spoken, he walked solemnly over to me and lay his hand upon my head, and I jerked awake in a state of perfect bliss, despite some conflicting emotions surrounding our conversation. I call him Cowboy Hat Man, and maybe I will write more about him later.
A third time with the prayer, right before I sped off to my normal adventures, I felt a cat jump onto my bed and snuggle against my left leg, purring. It curled up there, and I assumed that it was my actual cat in real life, although it would be very uncharacteristic for him. I actually thought to myself, "Wow, I guess Buddy Socks is my spirit guide today." However, when I awoke, I realized that my door was shut and the cat was not in the room. On that trip, I went to a world that was reminiscent in quality perhaps to 15th century Europe, except on a world where the surface was far more underneath water than on Earth.
I followed the invisible cat to an old man and asked him, "Do you know the truth?" He answered, "No." I followed the invisble cat to young boy and asked him, "Do you know the truth?" He also answered, "No." It was an odd one, really.
Every time I do this, I am setting an alarm for ten minutes. Sometimes the dreams last days in relative time, but I have never yet failed to wake up before that alarm goes off.

Present Day (like seriously earlier this week is what me want to write this):

I lay down eagerly for my lunch break nap, hoping to avoid the disappointment of an off-day. I flew into the atmosphere of a world that seemed to made of rock, with nothing growing on the surface. However, I caught glimpse on the surface of a bright spot, and when I descended, I found that somehow there was a relatively thin crust of sorts around a hollow inside-world.
I lowered myself slowly through a great opening in that crust, down into a lush jungle. It was beautiful but uncomfortably humid, and I quickly found a cool and dry cavern complex to explore rather than dealing with sweat and unfamiliar insects.
As I navigated through the cavern system, able to see somehow with dim light despite no obvious light source at times, I broke out into a very large open cave with a huge exit out into the jungle. I saw that it was dawn and realized that I had spent the night, however long it was on this world, in the caves.
Suddenly, my four year old daughter, Curly, with her naturally bleach-highlighted rings of long blonde hair and bright blue eyes, drifted slowly over my left shoulder and out towards the exit. She moved at a brisk adult walking pace, her back to the cave opening, her expression curious yet slightly concerned. She called out, "Dada?" in a tone that suggested wonder and slight confusion, but no real alarm in the presence of her father.
Reacting instantly, feeling my gut clench solid into a fist of rock, I used my telekinesis to close the gap between us and gathered her into my arms. She wrapped her legs around my waist and settled her butt onto my forearm, a ritual that we have practiced every day of her life. The force gripping her evaporated instantly, and suddenly, my darling girl was there in my arms, as real as any physical embrace. I could feel the tickle of her hair on my neck, the beautiful warmth of her skin, and was enveloped in her familiar scent.
Initially, I was filled with white hot rage, fueled by my instinctive reaction to the thought that some idiotic dream world inhabitant had decided to mess with my family and harm or kidnap her. But as I held her and she nuzzled her nose into my neck, the anger gave way to sheer amazement. For the first time in a decade of navigating these dreamscapes, someone that I knew from my waking life had entered the dream. This was a rule-defying moment that really rocked me, a serious breach of the established norms of these experiences.
A group of maybe 8 or 10 small winged goblins flew down from out of sight above the top lip of the exit and fluttered into the room, laughing in a very non-threatening way. They radiated a sense of innocent mischief, and my fear and anger subsided and gave way to annoyance. I whipped my right hand out and blasted a huge hole in the cavern wall to my right, startling Curly into a yelp. Unphased, I raised my voice and demanded, "Who is your King? I am John, son of Michael, and this is my daughter and she WILL NOT BE TOUCHED AGAIN."
The goblins scattered, their merriment giving way to concern that I might blast them into dust. Behind me, a deep chuckle seemed to rise from the ground itself. A voice echoed in the cavern, neither kind or cruel, full of what felt like wisdom, though that doesn't make sense in the waking world.
It spoke: "I am Eloxman, and I am their King." At hearing him announce his name, my head whipped around in the dream and in real life so hard that I woke immediately with a sprained neck that is still bothering me. I looked at my phone and saw that there were two minutes and fourteen seconds remaining in my ten minute window. I lay on the couch in shocked disbelief: Curly was in my dream, and someone had a name. As I replayed it over and over in my head, I realized that Eloxman was still speaking. I think he may have been preparing to provide the name of his father.

The End:

Sorry, that's actually it. I am going to just see if this continues somehow, but if it does not, then I might get creative with it and make up my own ending. I hope that you enjoyed this if you read this far!

Namaste!
I am involved in exporting medicinal plants from Nepal. I work with 2 different Nepali guys who already have a certified company with all the necessary legal papers for export, so selling these products abroad is not a problem.
However, to legally export, it is necessary to have the forestry office to look at the product, approve it, and give a document. For large batches of a product this makes sense, as for example selling 100kg to different countries would only require one paper.
I now want to send some small samples of products to clients, this can be less than 100g per package of products like shilajit, Yarsagumba, and other medicinal plants.
I thought I could send such small quantities without any issues and special papers, but a colleague of mine says I will need to get a paper for every small sample. This really isn't worth the required time and money for such a small sample. Also the cargo office will not transport such small amounts, so I would send this as a private package.
My colleague said that in Nepal, they rigorously check every package and letter sent and that they would refuse to send these samples, is this true?
Just looking if this really is such a big issue as my colleague is making it out to be. Is there a smooth way to send such small samples abroad? Again, for larger sales I don't have any problems with going through these legal processes and attaining all the necessary papers, as I have already done so before.
But for such small samples it just isn't worth the investment, hope to get some clarity here, thanks.

So I had a post a couple days ago asking for advice on this, and after reading through responses and ruminating a bit, I think I've come up with a pretty neat alternative hook for PCs, and wanted to share.
So on this alternate hook, every PC is a foundling or adopted (they might not know this), and we're all born in Barovia and smuggled out as babies by a small group of Vistani who oppose Strahd (this assumes the Vistani all have varied relationships with him, rather than all of them serving him directly). These babies were all reincarnations of people who were highly significant to Strahd, and the Vistani believed that if they could find them all and ensure they survived into adulthood, that together they could throw Strahd off his game enough to defeat him. These Vistani were later found out by Strahd and they paid dearly for what they'd done, and Strahd set his resources to locating one of these absconded infants.
One of these babies is the reincarnation of Tatyana, and Strahd knows she was removed from Barovia as a child, but he doesn't know WHICH child they are. He's managed to track down all of the PCs, and he invites them all to Barovia hoping he will be able to pick out Tatyana's newest incarnation once they're there. He does not know who the others are reincarnations of, only that they were taken from Barovia as infants. Madam Eva might provide each PC with a cryptic hint about their past life, and finding the Tome of Strahd should allow the PCs to put the full picture together.
Once the party arrives, Strahd does not rush straight to them, but tries to pay then each a private visit, at night, with the intent of sampling their blood to find out which is Tatyana. Once he learns who each PC is, he begins to develop more specific feelings and motivations for them. Strahd appears to a PC for the first time whenever they take a long rest apart from the rest of the party (in their own room in an inn, for example). They will wake to find him just outside the window, or standing over them if they're sleeping outside. He will try to charm them (and ask for an invitation if he needs to), sample their blood, and then leave.
Following are four suggested reincarnation (with a little backstory, in two cases), how Strahd reacts if he tastes their blood, and how he behaves towards them afterwards. These are all characters who had some significant role during the night that Strahd became a vampire.
1) Tatyana. After a single sip, Strahd pause, almost freezing as a single tear rolls down his cheek. He softly whispers "I feared I had lost you forever" before slowly rising "This time, we will not rush things. This time, you shall be mine." He leaves via the window or simply retreats into a fog or copper of trees, taking one last long glance behind him before he fades from view. Strahd will order his minions not to harm this PC, and will not attack them himself, UNLESS they are trying to leave Barovia somehow - if he thinks they have a chance of succeeding, he will try to kill them, weeping as he does, because he fears her escaping again and then dying, removing her soul from the cycle of reincarnation. When the PCs reach the Blood on The Vine, their half-brother recognizes some sort of family birthmark, or even just a resemblance, and approaches them wide-eyed. "What are doing here? You can't be here! You need to get to Valaki right away!" From here a conversation can unfold with the PCs brother insisting its not safe for them in the village - he was just old enough to remember when the PC was spirited away. He wasn't told why exactly, only that she was in danger, but he will answer what question he can about the PC's family. He will want to get a funeral done for the sake of decorum and get them out of the village ASAP. Keywords for Strahd: Desire, possessiveness.
2) Sergei Von Zarovich. This should be a PC that will be proficient with the Sunsword. Strahd seems to choke as he tastes the blood and he recoil a few steps "Sergei?" He asks, puzzled. He pauses for what seem like an eternity before taking a step forward and caressing the PC's check with a long nail. "If there had been any other way... If I could rewrite the pasts..." His brow furrows and he scowls before digging in his fingernail just enough to draw blood. "No. I am the elder. The patriarch." He moves towards the window or takes several steps away before turning around " She is MINE, and you will come to know your better." He then leaves. Strahd becomes unpredictable and unstable around this PC. He is torn between jealousy and guilt, and at times will seek this PC's forgiveness, and at others will go out of his way to scare or impress them, asserting his superiority and what he sees as his right to Tatyana. Keywords for Strahd: Guilt, envy
3) Leo Dilisnya. I'm pulling him from the pages of "I, Strahd." He was the head of a rival family to the Von Zaroviches, and came to Sergei's wedding with assassins in tow. Has Strahd not already made his pact, Leo would have killed him (his crossbow pierced Strauds mortal heart and completed his transformation). Strahd later tracked him down, turned him, and sealed him in a tomb to go mad with hunger. We can add in that a group of adventurers dug him up and destroyed him on a false lead about Strahd, allowing his soul to reincarnate. When Strahd tastes this PC's blood, he spits it back in their face and hisses "Dilisnya!" He grabs them by the throat and hold them down as he leans in intimately close. "This time, I will bury you so deep that the worms won't be able to find you. But first, you shall suffer as only a mortal can." He then turns into a swarm of bats and flies away. Strahd will HATE this PC, and go out of his way to torment them, becoming reckless in a way PCs might be able to exploit. He wants the PC to suffer for a while, but ultimately wants to turn and bury them again. Keywords for Strahd: Hatred, aggression
4) St. Markovia. Taking some creative liberties with this one. In "I, Strahd," after he turned, there was an abbess who had known Strahd for a while and recognized what he'd become. She successfully appealed to Strahd's little remaining humanity, persuading him to use his vampiric abilities to save the few surviving wedding guests from the remaining assassins. We're going to make her St. Markovia. After the wedding disaster, she would go on to become the very first adventurer to make an honest go at putting Strahd down. When Strahd tastes this PC's blood, he slowly withdraws and pauses for a moment before swallowing. "I never thought to taste that vintage again..." He looks away and closes his eyes. "You saw the hero in me... but he is dead now." As he finishes, it seems like Strayd is saying the last words to himself, not the PC. He departs slowly, seeming to be half-lost in thought. As opposed to the guilt that Sergei inspires, Markovia inspires shame in Strahd. Even when she opposed him, he respected her, and being reminded of her also reminds him that he was once a hero to his people. This PC alone can get Strahd to second-guess himself. He is still evil to the core, but this PC can cause him to waver in his resolve at times. When this PC is present, Strahd may hold back a bit, and make an attempt to face then "honorably" rather than pressing every advantage he can. Keywords for Strahd: Shame, honor.
EDIT: Forgot to mention that in this variant hook, PCs each recieve a letter (from Strahd, but not signed) that I forms them a long lost relative has died in Barovia, and willed them a substantial sum. It invited them to a funeral, and a Vistani coachman will be waiting to transport them (This Vistani is straight up on Strahd's payroll). The party can meet each other during the ride, and if they suspect theyve all bern duped, they will find the coachman unwilling to stop, the doors locked from the outside, and the coach moving at supernaturally high speeds, making jumpimg out a clearly lethal proposition for 1st (or 3rd) level characters. Eventually, the coach stops and the the party will see the coachman staring into a gnarled mass of trees, where a blue flame can be seen in the distance. He takes out a shovel and tells the party to wait there, then hurries off the road into the trees. If the party follows him, they get lost in the woods and soon find their way to Death House (or the Village of Barovia). The same happens if they follow the road, or wander off in any direction. If they actually do wait, the mists seep in, growing so thick they can only see about a foot ahead of then, and then fade, leaving the party in front of Death House (or Barovia).