Hey guys,
I am very new here and I’m looking to become a nurse so that I may work in the MH/SA fields. I want to work in these fields as I have experience living with and around these issues and I have a passion for caring for others and their growth. As I am opening the wormhole that is nursing programs, I am very lost of what path to take. I am 25 and need to make money as soon as I can, but I also do not want to put of getting that higher salary. I have a pretty low tolerance of school but I am here because I want to bite the bullet.
I am looking at two angles: certify to become a CNA so I can have an income to take care of my fiancée and myself, get my pre-nursing reqs and go to nursing school, or I can go straight to pre-nursing and nursing and rely on my fiancée to take care of us by herself without my help.
Is there any logical route to go along here? Will becoming a CNA get me into nursing/speed me through pre-nursing? What approach did you guys take and what prereqs for each did you have to go through?

My wife and I have been married for almost ten years and we have three kids together (8m, 6f and 5f). Since April last year my wife has experienced severe pain, nausea and cramps that has gotten steadily worse as time passed. At the moment she’s effectively bedridden for more than 12 hours a day and when she’s able to be up she can’t do much more than sit. She can’t walk more than halfway around the block before she’s in agony and can’t go further. She was recently diagnosed with PCOS, adenomyosis and endometriosis and will get a hysterectomy around the end of June, along with a colonoscopy and endoscopy in a couple of weeks.
I do all the meal prep, pet care, cooking, washing and cleaning for the five of us. I manage our kids full time on the weekends. On weekdays I start at 630 when the kids wake up and I get them dressed, eating, make school lunches with them, check their bags to make sure they have everything. I wake my wife up at 730 just before I leave for work and I’m there from 830-430. The moment I get home my wife goes to our room to rest while I make sure the kids’ bags and lunchboxes are packed up, make the house tidy, do the rest of their homework with them and cook dinner for them. After that I handle their bathroom routine, get them dressed and if there’s time read a bedtime story. Once they’re in bed I prep dinner for my wife and I and once it’s ready wake her up so we can eat together. After dinner I tidy things away and we talk or watch TV and try to relax. If chores and other jobs need to be done (bins, recycling, dishes, folding etc) I do those while she rests. After that we wash up and are usually in bed by 11 or so.
I chose to take this routine on, because I love my family and right now my wife physically can’t no matter how much she wants to help. I know things will be different after she recovers from surgery, but that won’t be until at least August and if surgery doesn’t get all the endometriosis there’ll be followup surgeries after that. The last week we haven’t been able to touch her without her twitching in pain and every night I’ve stared at the ceiling unable to sleep while she whimpers, knowing I can’t comfort her at all without making her suffering worse. I know it’s only an emotional reaction, but I feel rejected when I try and hold her while I’m asleep and wake up to her nearly screaming and pushing me away. Our intimate life is incredibly spotty and on the rare days where she’s not too bad we try and be together but even then I feel like I need to reassure her that she’s still loved and desired, it’s primarily to emotionally support her.
I don’t rest, or have time to socialise or exercise. The brief moments I have to play games are quickly losing all enjoyment for me. I’ve struggled with depression in the past and I worry that I’m going to end up back in that hole. I don’t know what to do.

Okay I know how this sounds, but hear me out first. Buckle in it’s gonna be a long one. My boyfriend, R (23M) and I, CK (24F) been together a little over a year and a half although it certainly hasn’t always been easy, we get along pretty well. My only complaint is that he is nice, too nice. He always bends over backwards for people who don’t deserve it AKA, his family.
My boyfriend is in college, drives a beater car, and works part time and a convenience shop, so to say he is broke is kind of an understatement. That doesn’t matter to me though, because I love him madly. This relationship is the most constructive and healthy connection I have ever been in. Anyway, we both live at home because rent prices, among other things are way too expensive. My boyfriend loves his family. It’s one of the qualities that really attracted me to him, because I do not have a good relationship with my own family. Although it was endearing at the start, I now think they are taking advantage of him.
He is a personal chauffeur to his unappreciative little sister. He is constantly cutting our time short to go take her to hair appointments that he pays for, work, school, shopping, and anywhere else she wants to go without any notice for FREE. I don’t think I have ever heard her say thank you to him. Half of the time we are together when she calls him so he has to use my car to take her places. More of the same with his parents, when they call he magically transforms into an InstaCart shopper or a DoorDasher before my eyes (cue eye roll.) They also think we spend too much time together, so they have recently enacted a curfew which I think is outrageous considering he is a 23 year old MAN and he does so much for them. All they do is command him to do things, and he does it no questions asked.
His birthday was last week right before Mother’s Day. Unsurprisingly, no one in his household bought him a present for his birthday. I, of course, got him a gift and a mini cake for his birthday to make him feel special and appreciated since he does a lot for me and my son. He took it home and placed in the fridge and jokingly said “I hope no one eats it.” When he said that it absolutely ticked me off, and of course a day later before he could even have a piece, they demolished it. I know it may seems minor but, his family has a habit of taking things from him without permission. For context, one Christmas I bought him a set of cologne and planned the two of us a trip for new years. We had an amazing time together and it really solidified that this is what I wanted in a relationship. Long story short, we came back from our trip, he went into his room to see that the very expensive cologne I bought him was now missing. My heart sank when he told me this. I told him straight up he needs to stand up for himself and if this continues he is allowing them to continue this behavior. But as always he turned it into a joke.
Anyway, we had plans today. We were both off work, which is rare. We haven’t really had much time to celebrate his birthday from last week because like I said previously he works at a convenience store and has crazy hours, while I work a 9-5 as well as caring for my son who is in Pre-K. We have both been raving about a posh little restaurant downtown that we have wanted to go to for quite some time now. I wanted to make a reservation for lunch because I knew for sure his sister and my son would be in school, so we were completely free for a little while. I mean it sounds like it would all work out right? WRONG. It never does.
His sister typically gets out of school at 3:30 PM then she goes home to get dressed for work and needs to be dropped off there around 4:00-5:00 PM. Keeping this in mind I set our reservation for 12:30 PM. Anyway we get there a bit late, but we were still able to be seated and our lunch went well. We were near a mall with time to spare, so we decided we would stop by to window shop. We walked around for a bit and the time flies by. Suddenly it was 2:30 PM his sister goes absolutely crazy and blows his phone completely up. I asked him was everything okay and did we need to leave since we drove my car there together. He insisted everything was fine and we continued our shopping. I curiously asked him what time he planned to leave and he said we would go at 3:00 which was fine with me.
We lost track of time and we ended up leaving later than intended at about 3:15 PM, but we were only about 20 minutes away and we wouldn’t have her waiting very long. As we’re driving she is still going crazy blowing his phone up constantly asking where he was as he was driving. I was getting annoyed because we were going to go and get her in my car, when she’s so unappreciative of her brother and his efforts to keep her happy and to help her. I held my tongue though because I could hear the agitation increase within his voice as they spoke and I felt as if I would only make things worse. My boyfriend is very sweet and it isn’t often that he gets angry, so she was really pushing his buttons.
She called him a whopping 10 times during a 20 minute drive, and at one point they had a screaming match on the phone and he told her, “You knew I was busy and not at home, why didn’t you ask one of our parents to get you if you wanted to be picked up without having to wait?” Their house is only 8 minutes away from the school so I was beyond ticked off and annoyed at this point. When we finally arrived at her school admittedly a little late, she is nowhere to be found. We waited for a while for her and he called to see where she was, apparently she caught a ride from a friend to be dropped off at her aunts house. The rage I felt in that moment was unparalleled. If they could take you to your aunts house why didn’t they take you home?!
Anyway within the commotion I asked him to swing by my son's school so we could pick him up. I then asked him which one would “come first” purely referring to the geographic location of each person considering I didn’t want him to waste any more of my own gas. I guess I used the wrong choice of words.
He replied to me with something that stung me down to the core. He said, “My sister and my family will always come first.” He saw the surprised and hurt look on my face and quickly added, “but this is your car we can go get him first.” I was taken aback by that statement. I understand that family is blood related, but these people do not respect your time, privacy, hell even your freedom. After he said that the rest of the car ride was a blur and I truly felt like I was overreacting at first. We planned to take my son to the park after we dropped his sister off but I ended up telling him I didn’t feel well and we had to cancel. I’m at a loss here guys. Do I have any right to feel hurt by what he said to me? I mean this is the man I planned on creating a family with, becoming old with. Now I’m not so sure. Help me out here and lmk if I am the A-Hole.

I met my ex husband at 15, I fell for him immediately. We talked, hung out, messed around off and on until one day at 20 years old I found out I was pregnant.
He said he wanted to raise this child with me, we figured we might as well get married cause it was gonna happen someday anyway. We were dirt poor but he worked 13 hour days, and I was a stay at home mom because we both agreed that we wanted our child to have that. We made sacrifices to make sure she had everything. Sacrifies to our pride, our wants and needs.
I ended up back in therapy 6 months later because I was struggling, no sleep, husband who couldn't really help cause he was exhausted from work. Got diagnosed with ptsd, major depressive disorder and Undefined as yet mood disorder, started working at getting myself healthy for my daughter. Confronting all my trauma.
We bought a house, a beautiful 4 bedroom old house. When she was 3 we found out I was pregnant again, and we were so excited. Covid hit right when he was born so we got to spend that time together as a family.
November of 2021 I found my whole world crashing down around me, my husband had cheated on me. I didn't know what to do. I felt my whole world crashing down around me, I tried to talk to him to work through it with him, but I found out he lied to me again during those talks and I decided I had to love myself enough to leave.
So I did, I left the marriage with little to no money to my name. An entire adult life spent being a stay at home mom, no job skills, no school, but I thought I'd just have to pull myself up by my bootstraps and get it done. Unfortunately that didn't happen. I was broken, I was so broken and struggled to keep a job down. I struggled to keep rent paid, I was so depressed I'd go weeks without being able to get out of bed, eating a block of cheese at 2am then nothing for 3 days.
I tried to have split custody, and I couldn't afford good to put on the table. I had no family, and friends who didn't help and weren't there. I had also gotten into an abusive relationship. I was sinking, I had no will to live through each day.
I told my ex husband I was unable to take care of our kids at the time, and asked him if he could please take full custody for the time. I rotted, I had several psychosis episodes that lasted for months. Got diagnosed with BPD and later autism. Attempted suicide 2 times, went inpatient 4 times, teetered on the edge of drug and alcohol addiction but managed to pull myself out of that.
Eventually I just crashed. I had been barely scraping by for 2 years and I just crashed and burned. I had to have a roommate move in to help me afford the apartment, and she'd fucked me over really bad and we got evicted.
I called someone who's like a big sister to me, we hadn't spoken since my divorce, she took me in and helped me get back on my feet. An I've had this job now for a full year, been in therapy consistently for a year, have kept my vehicle paid on time. My credit is in shambles, I can't open a bank account and I see my kids every week....
But I look back everyday at the photos of them right before the divorce and I hate myself for being so absent for 2 years. I missed my daughter's first day of school, my sons first sentences, and learning to ride a bike.
I have so much regret, and guilt and I've been working so hard trying to save for a house, only being able to afford a room with roommates, I want my children back so badly. I currently work with children and I feel guilty every single day that I'm spending this time 5 days a week with other people's kids and I see mine on the weekends.
I never saw my life happening like this, I didn't think I would hit rock bottom so hard, I didn't think I'd ever spend two years of my life struggling to find a reason to breathe. An I fought so hard to get out of there, to get back to healthy and the work only starts there. There's a giant hole I dug for myself when I had no presence of mind for the consequences and it's so hard not to hate myself, not to live buried in regret and shame.
I feel like I have failed, so utterly. An I have to fight to love myself, to be the person my children deserve, and some days it feels like everything is working against me. But I'm trying.

American here. I’m currently in my second to last year of school (11th grade here, 10th grade in Russia) and I am most likely going to go study in Russia. I am fluent in English and in Russian and I also have a Russian passport (international). There is a quota system that I qualify for going on where basically you are allowed to apply your American high school diploma and basically get accepted to any top university except МГК and МГИМО without taking the ЕГЭ or any other exams. I was looking at a few including ВШЕ, Бауман, etc. (Tech schools) I want to go study cybersecurity or computer science. My question is, first of all, is it worth studying in Moscow at all? Should I go study in a different city? And is it safe? I mean I was raised in basically a russian speaking household however most people who I interact with will obviously suspect that I am a foreigner. Also, are there any good schools besides the ones I have listed that I should look at? And lastly, is there anything I should watch out for if I choose study there? Also I forgot to mention that I’m not exactly alone as most of my family lives there anyway.

Hi Everyone,
I read all your comments, your ridiculous and harassing DM requests, your advice, etc...I just can't get to them all so I'll just provide you guys with the following:

1. I want to thank the ones who offered great advice and encouraging words of support and comfort. Instead of judging me or my son as if you all have known us for a long time - you all took the time to share your experience and how you all handled the situation, That was more helpful than anything.
   
2. I want to applaud the great parents out there who think they know my son because they've been 19 before and were thrown out into the streets to fend for themselves so they think they can relate. We all can't relate to each others' experiences, not fully. Also, I'm sorry your parents did that to you but just because you "turned out okay" doesn't mean that everyone else will. Apparently, you all didn't turn out okay because you all left some really shitty comments like there's a one size fit all manual for parenting. And I hope your kids (if you have any) will turn out okay or have turned out okay with your type of parenting without any resentment towards you.
   
3. I will not make my son move out of his home just for him to experience the ultimate struggle at the age of 19 - survival mode. Even though he's old enough to vote, go to war, be jailed for a crime - he is still a kid. We live in a HCOL area. You can't buy a townhome built in 1974 in my neighborhood for less than $450k. $20/hr is not even enough to survive here and actually live comfortably. He could move to a different county, but he drives to 3 different locations for work and the farther you are from those locations, the more you’re filling up your tank with gas and more time spent on the road. He is not going to find roommates as his friends who are also in CC are also struggling to make enough to even rent an apartment or be approved as all the properties here require that your income is 3x the annual amount of the rent. By kicking him out, it's not helping anyone. He'll just be homeless (ruin his credit) and come back. He might as well just figure out a budget and start squirreling away money to save up enough to move out. He is also transferring to a state school after CC and has brought up that he will not be living at home but live closer to campus.
   
4. He is/was not a bad kid. He is not on drugs. Yes, his father was and is still present. We've been married for 20 years. My in-laws also have helped us raise our kids (we live very close - like walk to their house close) so they have also experienced the old school type of parenting without the beatings. He's respectful, can be thoughtful most times, and very caring. His attitude the other day is still unacceptable and was the wrong way to express his emotions and thoughts but I was also wrong in the way I responded. My son has never been in fights, have never been called to the principal's office for doing dumb shit most teenagers do. He usually has a good head on his shoulders. Cops have never showed up at my door because he was out doing something stupid with his friends.
   
5. He works full time and goes to school full time because it's manageable for him. We have discussed that if doing both is too overwhelming, that he will cut back to working on a part time basis. But, for now, it's doable. He works from 6 am - 11 am. Gets home around 11:30 in the morning or goes straight to the CC for his in person classes. He also has online classes that he can do at his pace. He doesn't work on weekends so he can use that time to focus on his school assignments. He's also not your typical young adult who goes out every night to hang out with friends...he goes to work, school, gym, and home. Most of his friends are in school out of state playing D1 sports. As far as me thinking I know where my son is at all the time - I'm not just pulling this shit out of my ass - my family and I track each other through Life360. So I know where they are and where they've been and they can also see where I am and where I've been. And there's also Find My iPhone which we all share each other's locations. We all tend to misplace our phones in the house and we use it to make that annoying alarm sound.
   
6. He's probably the smartest kid I know. He started taking AP classes in 10th grade and on. He took AP Biology, AP Calculus, AP Physics, AP ASL, and AP Statistics. By the time he was in 12th grade, he managed to get enough credits that he could do school half day, go home, and then go to the after care program where he used to work. For a kid, he was pretty good at time management. Better than me as an adult now. I have the time management skills of a carrot (I have ADHD). He graduated with a 4.5 GPA (due to AP classes weighed at 5.0)
   
7. I'm not a perfect person nor a perfect parent. I'm learning as I go and doing the best I can with what I have. I may have fucked up sometimes along the way but I'm still a human being and we're all prone to fucking up. I've owned my mistakes and I strive to do better; not just for me, but also for my family.
   
8. Yes, he's a dick like most teenagers. I was a dick when I was a teenager. Probably worse than my kids. But he's not perfect and I don't expect him to be. We consider ourselves lucky that he didn't turn out to be a delinquent who barely passed HS or addicted to drugs and alcohol.
   
9. His lesson learned from this is that Mom & Dad aren't going to be around forever so might as well buckle up and enjoy the ride into financial literacy. He's going to start slow and figure out what works for him. We're not disowning him. No matter what, he's still our kid and we're going to move on from this and work something out so all parties are on the same page.
   
10. My kids are spoiled but they're not brats. Yes, we overcompensated to make up for our crappy childhoods but they have mostly been grateful for everything they have and that they have a great support system. They know that they have a great support system - it took and is taking a whole village to raise my children. Most of our family is local and they have positively contributed to the people that my children have become. They're not sheltered like some of you have stated on here. They are very much aware of what is going on around them and that there are other who are not so lucky. They didn't grow up with a silver spoon in their mouths - they were just lucky to be born into a family with loving parents and extended family.
    

I know that was long but I hope I've covered everything. This was the first time he's ever been this disrespectful - so this is not a constant thing, this is brand new. Waters are still rocky so I'm not going to bring this up until I've figured out how to approach him with this situation and some time has passed. No matter how you look at it, he doesn't have the emotional maturity as a full grown adult with a developed frontal lobe and have lived through multiple life experiences.
However, we're going to treat him like the young adult that he is and instill in him that he is responsible for how his life is going to turn out now that we've passed the reins over to him. Raising my kids have been the most exhausting, draining, and confusing thing I have ever done in my life. I was only 22 when he was born - I was a young mother, a wife, a college student, and a young adult who had to figure out life (and I still am). I have no resentment towards him and my daughter because I had them so young. If anything, I'm grateful as I had to learn how to stand on my own two feet and learn how to make better decisions for their sake. They didn't choose to be born - I made that choice for them and I promised myself that they will always grow up knowing they were loved and cared for. And they are - deeply. But as I said, I had the support of family - my husband's family who welcomed me and helped me throughout this journey.

So I poured soda all over the upper half of my keyboard a couple of weeks ago at school, tried to clean up the soda with paper towels, and blew on the keyboard to get the soda out. My laptop keyboard has been lagging since then and 1 key has just stopped working now, I'm worried i going to happen to the rest of my keyboard. Is there any way I can try to fix it at this point without letting my parents know? (The lag and revive the key)

Last year I 23M started talking to someone on Scruff and we hit it off right away, him 23M and and I 22M at the time were both stoners, artistically driven, sarcastic and hilarious together. We didn’t meet up in person until May because he was going to school in a different state, but we hung out all the time, had mutual friends that I introduced him to and he even brought me as a date to a family wedding. After the wedding I was starting to develop special feelings for him as it was only 2 months of us casually dating. Before that I made it clear I wanted to take things slow and start as fwb and he seemed ok with it because we shared a “daddy”. Well, in August I was told my father has liver and lung cancer and would not make it to new years. This was all happening when I was just starting my junior year after transferring to my dream college. Even though my father and I didn’t have the best relationship this totally shook me. At this point the last thing on my mind was a relationship and I made that clear to the guy I was seeing. But, I told him that he was definitely on my mind for boyfriends. Looking back, this was an empty comment because I had no idea what was gonna happen in the ensuing months with my father and school. But there were so many things going on all around me I felt like I was drowning. He then confessed that he’s falling for me and that he can really only see us being a couple and not just friends. I was terrified to lose him as a friend especially when I was potentially losing my father. So, in my confusion and fog I made that blanket statement to try and say I need more time. But then he said he felt he couldn’t be around me without wanting me, so we stopped talking. A month or 2 later in December my father passed away in hospice care. It has been 6 months at this point and the circumstances of death haunt me still. About a month after my fathers passing the guy and I got together for drinks and we got drunk and ended up hooking up. I again said that I would consider him a future love interest, but realizing I made another empty statement while I was drunk and grieving I took it back but tried to explain. At this point he told me that I made him feel used and disposable and that I’m terrible for putting him through this. AITA??

AITA

i honestly dread my birthday every year (this year's comes up this weekend). it always highlights just how lonely And alone i am :( the effort i see going into other people's birthdays, especially from those i considered close friends, stings so hard. my parents get me a cake and card every year, but i only recently realized that i haven't had a birthday cake in a flavor that i like in years, maybe ever (i think i remember an ice cream cake back in elementary school)
it's pretty sad but i also realized that a surprise party has always been a lowkey dream of mine- it happening would be indicative of so many things ive been desperate for, finally being mine. a social group large enough and that cares about me enough to fill up a party about me, at least one close trusted loved one who knows me and my people well enough to organize it.. i struggle with emotional permanence and remembering that people do think about me when im not immediately around, and believing that any small efforts i do receive from friends aren't just superficial or to save face, so a surprise party would also address those issues (not cure them per say but it would be reassuring). a group of people working behind the scenes, aka not just to placate me, to make an event for and about me.. haha wow imagine..!! it sounds so nice and heartwarming and i get choked up imagining it ever happening to me heh
anyway strength and love to everyone who's also dealt with birthday blues and thank you for a space i can get this off my chest without judgment in (dw im in therapy lol im just in between sessions atm) <3 ill buy myself a slice of cake in a fave flavor at least

Ok. This might be long. Going to try to make this as short as possible. We have been renting this house for 10 years. We have outgrown this house. 1300 sq ft 3 bed 2 bath single garage. My kids are 18, 14, and 9. For the last 2-3 years we have been trying to buy a house. I live in palm beach county fl and absolutely nothing is reasonable here. The homes we need are in the minimum 750k range. (And that is nothing fancy just basic 4 bed 2 bath 2 car garage family home) in the beginning of our search we were told we needed to pay down car, debts etc. so we did that. We started with 80k set aside. Now down to 30k. We keep waiting waiting for the day interest rates drop home prices drop etc. that is never happening in my area. Do not want to leave this area or school zone. We have tried to get into the 700k homes and just deal with the crazy payment and get outbid each time or cash buyer. WHERE is all this wealth coming from?!
So in the midst of our waiting my landlord has now said she is sick and wants to sell no more waiting she wants to be done with the house. She hasn’t fixed much in the 10 years we have lived here and since she “knows” us she is willing to sell to us for a better price. That price is 425k but willing to give 6 percent in concessions so 25k. The same homes on my street are selling for 465-510k (fixed up a little). There is absolutely nothing in my area for 425. A little farther up can get a 4plex 3 bedroom townhouse for that price or a 2 bedroom condo.
We feel we have no choice but to buy this house. To rent a house that we actually would fit in and like is 4500. By the time I put first last and security I could have used that for the down payment on our current house that we rent (our rent is 3400). So we are actually in the process and have put 5000 into escrow. But I feel so uncomfortable about it. But maybe it’s because I’m not super knowledgeable about this stuff.
-425 selling price -25k in seller credits -Out of pocket at closing is just down payment of 14,875 (3.5 percent)
Our options are to do FHA loan with half the credits going towards closing costs so that we will only have to pay the down payment of 14,875. And the other 10k in credits to buy down the rate.
We could either do permanent buydown which makes it 6.45% interest rate ($3900/month) OR 2/1 buydown 5.5% first year, 6.5 % second year and third year would be 7.5%. I’m bummed bc the rate without any buydown at all would be 7.12 ($4200/month) and that feels like such a small difference for 10k. Conventional would be 7.99%. I’ve shopped 3 diff lenders and getting similar numbers
I feel like that is so much for this house. If we buy it is it realistic to want to fix some things and then keep it as a rental or airbnb while we hopefully move into something better? Do we think home prices and interest rates will drop or is this the new norm?! My husband makes $190k a year 705+ credit score and this is all we can afford? How is this real life 😭 would love to hear your thoughts and opinions. What would you do?

It seems like the root or reason behind most of the fails is the fact that younger people are feeling hopeless. Well I’m a junior starting to prepare for college. I have two older brothers who have already gone through the process, and my mother has seen the process evolve over time. And my mom is saying financial aid is getting a lot better, at least in the central texas area. My mom proposed this is because of the student debt forgiveness programs, the colleges are seeing that happen and deciding to lower their tuition and increase alumni loyalty if the debt is just going to go away anyways.
I think this on it’s own is a wonderful things but I think it might also be a sign of big government and private organizations waking up to this fact that young people and students feel hopeless about their future and are adjusting their systems accordingly. After talking with my schools counsler and my family, I feel hopeful for the first time in a minute that I can graduate debt free, without having to sacrifice a healthy social college experience.
Sorry I’m not supplying numbers or facts or names or stories, I just want to propose the topic.

Hey! I'm Mikey. I'm a 14 year old, FtM, and I've been trans for awhile now. I came out to my family in March 12st, and tomorrow, I'm going to a camping trip tomorrow.
The only problem is, I'm being forced to go into a *girls* cabin when I'm actually a man.
I'm gonna be talking about 2 things;
1: the cabin
2: the text that I saw from my mother
My mom told me that I'm still biologically female, and she's forcing me to go into the girls cabin
(AND ALSO! I legit do not know about the people that I'm being with, because they're from other schools.)
I get what she's saying, but I've literally never looked female in YEARS, but I get her concern I guess.
My mom said that the girls I'm going to be with will "understand" my situation because I'm "biologically female" but the problem is I'm not even allowed into the girls washroom anymore because I look NOTHING LIKE A WOMEN!! My voice isn't even that feminine, thats how well I pass and its a blessing and a curse XD
also my mom found out about me going into the mens washroom today and she got really angry at me, saying that its unsafe and that people are literally gonna shove me into the urinals, and guys raping me and stuff like that, BUT LITERALLY NOTHING BAD HAS HAPPENED TO ME!!!
(btw Im not trying to ignore any transmen's experiences of rape if they've ever been through that before thats not what I mean, I mean that I've never ever had that ever happened to me and my mom just doesn't really understand how safe I really am)
I have not gotten into any fights, people legit do not care, and also NOBODY FUCKING TALKS TO ANYBODY IN THE WASHROOM! I legit dont get it man!
my mom thinks that I'm going to get into bad situations since Im ftm, which I get what shes saying, men can be kinda werid sometimes (trust me I know) BUT I LEGIT DONT GET INTO ANYTHING AT ALL!
so when my mom says that "everything will be fine, the girls will understand you" UH NO, I CANT EVEN GO INTO THE WOMENS WASHROOM ANYMORE WITHOUT WOMEN TELLING ME TO GET OUT! IF I SAW A DUDE WALKING INTO THE GIRLS CABIN I WOULD BE *DEFINITELY* BE CONCERNED AND SORT OF WEIRDED OUT, BECAUSE HE'S A MAN AND HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE BOYS CABIN!
so uh, help? what do I even do?
ugh whatever, sorry about that lets move on
*ahem* on Sunday I was at Niagra falls with my family and I noticed that my mom was talking about me to someone I only saw a little bit but I remained curious, so I checked the next day. I took my moms phone yesterday and I peaked through it, I was kind of heartbroken from what my mom has said about me.
https://preview.redd.it/f5ntw3gclh0d1.png?width=1440&format=png&auto=webp&s=96c7d9a0815a5607c5d3c29de84865f37a09c1bc
I started crying Immediately after that.
it felt like my mom has been lying to me this whole time.
I've had so many, AND I *DO* MEAN MANY CONVERTSATIONS ABOUT ME BEING A TRANSMAN TO MY MOM, AND SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE WOULD ALWAYS SUPPORT ME, THAT SHE WOULD ALWAYS BELIEVE ME, THAT SHE WOULD ALWAYS LOVE ME.
THE OTHER TEXTS HAD MY MOM TALKING ABOUT HOW SHE WAS DISAPPOINTED IN ME FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES.
SHE TOLD ME SHE LOVES ME.
SHE TOLD ME SHE LOVES ME FOR WHO I AM.
SHE TOLD ME THAT NO MATTER WHO I AM, SHE WILL ALWAYS ACCEPT ME.
AND I FOUND THIS.
what the fuck man.
I'm so tired.
Im so done.
im so god damn tired of people thinking that I am trans because its a "trend" when literally I DONT FUCKING WANT TO BE TRANS, I JUST WANT TO BE BORN AS A CIS MAN, AND I HAD TO LIVE MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE IN THE WRONG BODY. I FUCKING HATE THAT MY FAMILY LIES ABOUT ME AND TELLS ME THAT THEY SUPPORT ME NO MATTER WHAT, BECAUSE I KNOW THEY FUCKING DONT.
I wish they would be transphobic to my face instead of just lying to me all the damn time.
the truth hurts man.
Immediately started crying after I read that, but I had dinner and so I immediately stopped myself from crying. after I ate, I started crying again, and a few minutes later my mom walked into me crying, and she told me that she "loves and cares about me and accepts me for who I am" sorta thing. I just told her to leave my room after that.
So today I was in the car with my mom, and my mom said that she hasn't said anything bad about me, and she doesn't know the reason on why I'm crying, so thats great.
Also, there's another lie that my mom has said, she DEFINITELY didn't say anything bad about me, thats for sure, uh huh.
sorry about how long the post is btw, there's just alot to get off of my chest D:

• Mikey

and i do too, as a result i guess. (this is gonna be a long one, sorry guys.)
growing up, and still now, i’ve always been the ugly younger sister to my older sister. in middle/ highschool, guys would come up to me telling ME to tell my sister that they thought she looked beautiful that day. i also got asked out as a joke up even in my SENIOR YEAR of highschool bruh 😭. everyone around us would constantly compare me to her, since we’re only a year and a half apart and had the same neighborhood friend group. i’ve had multiple guys tell me that they would like me better if i were more like my sister (and i obviously know it’s because of our looks), point out my flaws, and call me ugly to my face. she constantly gets compliments from family and strangers coming up to talk to her while i’m just…there lol. she was also my dad’s favorite child so she got better treatment too, so i’ve just always felt incompetent compared to her since its all anyone has ever made me feel (i always felt like he only liked her better since she looked better too bc she got into a lot more bs than i did 🫢…yet i was the one always getting punished). my mom and my sister bond over how many guys want them and try to talk to them and i just feel so out of place. overall, people are just naturally drawn to her and deter from me and it makes me just want to hide and honestly kms.
everyone thinks highly of her even though she really isn’t that great of a person. i don’t mean to get too bitter but she’s really judgmental and rude, even to me as her younger sister. she would make fun of my looks just as those kids at school would, so i’ve never been secure in my looks or felt pretty. and because everyone around us was so receptive to her, they would tag along and do it too (especially my cousins). its one thing to be made fun of by dumb kids at school, and a complete other thing when its your family members that you have to go home to—i never had an escape and still deal w this when i come home from college breaks. i dont know why she STILL does it, i guess to reinforce that she’s better than me since everyone puts her on a high horse?? i never felt like she was there for me as an older sister should be, but that’s another story.
anyway, i’m just so tired of everything. i hate being the way that i am. all my parents ask about is my love life since, in their eyes, i guess i’ve satisfied them in every other way. i don’t drink or party or have sex (obviously) or fool around with guys— i just focus on school while i’m away at college. i’m ‘pure’ but not voluntarily. i’ve just never had any opportunities to really do these things bc of my looks and mental illness. the only thing i have going for me is my smarts ngl i am very proud of that 💪🏽💪🏽. i graduated highschool 2 years early and have always been pretty good at school without rlly trying? i just have good memory i think, which is probably trauma induced.
all anyone asks me about is if i have a bf and it just seems like they’re mocking me. and they just try to make it seem like i’m turning down guys and that i actually have ppl interested in me and that i just have high standards. but when i say nobody wants me, i mean NOBODY. i’ve never been approached or anything, only made fun of and laughed at. and they try to bring up that bs abt being ‘intimidating’.
i’ve gone through phases of hyperfocusing on my looks and trying hyperfemme styles to appeal to men, trying to have a bubblie extroverted personality, or even dumbing myself down and it has never worked. no matter what i do, nobody will love me in a romantic sense (or even a friendship sense, i’ve been feeling lately), so now i just dress in a more masc/ tomboy-esque style so i feel more comfortable, but my mom tells me that i probably wont get a bf dressing like a boy lol.
nobody could ever love me as i am, nobody could ever be interested in me truly without just settling for me. i naturally isolate myself bc i love alone time, but also bc i just don’t deserve to take up space and nobody cares about me anyways. its already difficult for me to make friends, so a bf just seems out of the equation for me.
i’m trying to learn to be okay with my looks and the fact that i am not appealing to men, but it’s so hard when everyone only cares about how you look and how you’re with. all i’ve ever wanted was to be like my sister. the only thing ppl compliment me on is my smarts and i’m only used for my assignment answers, but really none of that matters if you’re pretty. ppl will naturally listen to you and pay attention to you and treat you decently if you’re pretty— they don’t even care if you’re insufferable as a person or anything.
and i hate it when ppl who have only ever felt loved and appreciated their whole lives try to tell those of us who’ve been less lucky that we should just love ourselves and not speak down to ourselves by calling ourselves undesirable or unattractive. like of course its going to be easy for you to understand and believe that you’re lovable and attractive and desirable when you have had proof of it— we can’t just get rid of the things we’ve heard growing up and forget them, they literally shape how we think about ourselves naturally. and i think it’s better to just be honest about the way that i look and the way that i am, i am just never going to be that pretty girl like my sister. i’m never going to have that coming-of-age movie life. it hurts but i can learn to live with it.
i hate this so much i don’t know how much longer i can keep doing this. but imma thug this shit out and embrace my strangeness and peculiarity 🙂‍↕️.
so sorry for this gargantuan passage and i hope it actually makes sense.
TLDR: i’m angry and bitter

I'm procrastinating and am in a storytelling mood, so here is one full of teenage stupidity.
Part one: The crush that only lasted two weeks : D
I was 16 (F) at the time and decided to dual enroll in a community college to take French, so I could knock out the two years of foreign language requirement in one semester. I had never taken French before, so jumping right into the college level was tough, but luckily the college provided peer tutors.
There was only one French tutor. He was 23, spoke three languages, was well-traveled, had dark curly hair, etc. I thought he was very attractive.....for about two weeks. I got to know him and discovered he hated any disagreement. If we had different opinions on food, he'd shut the conversation down. If we had different tastes in art, he'd shut the conversation down. This was very annoying and made me lose attraction to him, so we were just friends.
Part two: The promptly ignored red flags
I was very shy, so for a while, he was my only friend. We hung out all the time. He'd help me with my French and I'd help him with English. He'd walk me to my high school. It was a good system in my mind, but here were all the things in our friendship that I ignored:

• Constant touching. We'd be in the middle of a tutoring session, and he'd playfully kick me under the table. I'd tell him to stop, and he wouldn't. Other examples: If I wasn't paying attention to him, he'd touch my ear or jaw. If I was walking faster than him, he'd grab my arm to force me to slow down. It never mattered if I asked him not to touch me.
• Taking pictures of me without my knowledge. He asked me once if we could take a picture together, and I explained that I don't like being in pictures. So he started taking pictures of me when I wasn't looking.
• Constantly commenting on how I looked. "You're so pretty." "Dang those eyes." "I like it better when you wear red." "I like that you don't wear makeup." "You're like a pretty bird. I think that's what I'll call you from now on." "I like that you're slim."
• Making me feel bad for not talking to him. If I took too long to respond to his texts he'd sometimes send messages like, "I get the feeling that one day you're never going to talk to me again." To which my bumb butt would respond with, "What?! No, I love talking to you! Why would you think that?"

Why did I ignore my discomfort with him touching me, taking pictures, etc.? Because I sincerely thought I was the problem. I thought he was being a normal friend and I was in the wrong for being too insecure to like that stuff.
Part three: The confession
He told me he loved me in a text. Two weeks before my French final I woke up to this:
Him: "I'm in love with you, but I think you only see me as a friend. Is this true?"
Me: "Yes. I'm sorry..."
Him: "I'm dead. You killed me."
Part Four: The falling out
He started posting passive-aggressive things on Instagram about me and also ignored me in person until after finals. Luckily, I was able to work up the courage to ask a classmate to be my study buddy, so I wasn't screwed for the final.
I tried to still be his friend after, but then COVID happened. From 2020-2022 he would send me a simple "Are you still alive?" message for every birthday and major holiday. I responded to them at first but got frustrated with him blaming his loneliness on me. I blocked him after I found out he was flirting with my friend, who was younger than me. She was 16, and he was 25 at the time....
Oh boy does being an adult now put the past in an interesting perspective...

Dilemma STEP program
I'm in a bit of a dilemma I am an incoming first generation, low income first year student who wants to apply for the STEP program especially because of all the benefits it offers. However, I've noticed that the STEP program ends about five days before the first day of school, they also expect you to move out once STEP ends, out of the room that was provided to you during the summer program. I can't really go back home because I live seven hours away driving, in socal and it would be too much for my family, with having to repack everything. I have heard that you could buy a storage unit at Davis and leave your stuff there and just go back home without having to repack everything. However, my family doesn't have enough money even to spend money on a storage unit and I would most likely have to go back home by metro if i do go in that direction. I've heard that interim housing is provided for those five days before first day of school but it is not guaranteed so there's a chance I might become homeless. Any advice ?

A few weeks ago, I posted about my frustrations with the animation industry. It was poorly written and missing many details. I have also taken more time to think over your advice and now need more. I am using a separate account btw. I
I've wanted to be in the animation industry ever since watching Spider-Verse and Avatar: The Last Airbender. Not necessarily as an animator, but possibly as a concept artist or storyboard artist. I aspire to create shows that can impact young people like me.
However, everything changed when I worked on my portfolio for animation schools. I experienced burnout and lost a lot of my joy and enthusiasm. It was emotionally taxing, and I began to doubt whether I could handle the demands of the industry on a daily basis. Consequently, I opted to attend a regular university and pursue a standard degree. I'm currently studying international relations, a fascinating but not particularly lucrative field unless I choose to pursue law, which I've considered. Although my university does offer an animation program, it requires numerous prerequisites before students can learn animation. Despite possessing other skills—I could potentially excel as a lawyer or construction manager—I can't shake the feeling that I would be wasting the talents given to me by God. My passion for visual storytelling is something I can't let go of, and I fear that if I don't produce animations or write and draw comics for the world to see, I will have wasted my life. Perhaps if I create a successful comic, it could be adapted into animation like Invincible, but even that presents its own set of challenges.
The animation industry appears to be ailing, or at least losing its allure. I'm uncomfortable with the idea of spending all day on a computer or working on uninspired movies or TV shows. Corporations often overwork employees, resulting in the production of mediocre content. While I've heard stories of animators being overworked on projects like Spider-Verse, some still find it worthwhile because the end product is of high quality. However, much of the industry now seems focused on sequels or streaming shows. Although many streaming shows are of good quality, I'm skeptical about their long-term profitability. People pay for the service, not necessarily the individual shows, which can lead to lesser-quality content like Velma receiving second seasons despite low viewership or reception. Additionally, good shows are frequently canceled.
I'm also developing a phobia of technology. Spending excessive time on a computer has led me to believe that hand-drawn paper animation is becoming obsolete. I recall taking a summer animation course at an art school and disliking animating with a computer; it felt devoid of tactile sensation and made me feel like a cog in a machine. Much of the industry's creativity has been flattened, leaving me feeling despondent.
I want to live a life where I can maintain my upper-middle-class family lifestyle, but I'm also a man driven by passion. However, with the cost of living increasing, I fear that sacrifices may be necessary. If I were to become an economic refugee, I worry that I wouldn't possess any useful skills to transfer to other countries. Unlike others, I can't solely rely on financial motivations; otherwise, I would have pursued a career as an accountant or engineer. Additionally, I've found that I'm not interested in exclusively associating with artistic individuals; I value friendships with people from various backgrounds, including those studying to become accountants, journalists, or scientists.
I've already sold my iPad Pro and gaming computer, leaving me without equipment. However, I'm considering giving it another try. Perhaps I should explore options like CGMA or Animation Mentor. My parents encouraged me to attend college because they believed it would provide better industry connections, and while they were right, I also find it to be expensive and overrated.
How can I keep my passion for visual storytelling alive and productive as the world economies change?

First of all, Don't judge me please. I know I'm not perfect but at least I'm trying to become better. Maybe for some of you all this might seem very easy to do but not for me. It seems like a real challenge. Meanwhile there's other skills which seem easy for me and not for others.
My current sleep schedule thing is a pretty serious problem because it made me often late to university and I have bad grades now. So I don't even know how in the hell I'll be able to apply to work properly if I'll be late literally all the time.
It's even worse because I'm very sensitive to sleep and whenever I really haven't slept well I just feel horrible.
And if I'm late now and I sleep badly now, when I actually have a lot of free time this year, imagine how this might be much worse whenever I'm at work? That's why I'm afraid to work and I feel like I'm unable to be independent. And it's not for a lack of trying!
So I'll explain how we got to that point and how exactly my sleep schedule became so messed up.
When I was in high school, this wasn't the case. Well, I lived with my mom and she always watched me so that I went to sleep and woke up at the time needed. Also, we had a school bus only at one specific hour, so I couldn't have missed it. I had a semi regular sleep schedule.
Then came corona, and also first programming university, then one year of wandering around, and now languages university. A lot of things changed, but it seemed like it all became much more chaotic and disorganised. The timetables literally changed every week, half of the classes were online, and the teachers and other classmates didn't care at all about where you've been, unlike in high school. Also, ratings and important info was on the email instead of on a specific dedicated website. I was very used to the high school organisation and first followed it through university, including with workbooks for each course, but became less and less organised as time went on, because other people in my class weren't that organised, they even saw my organisation as strange, and also, all the stuff that I've cited, like the timetables, definitely didn't help in any organisation. Also, I started losing motivation and feeling dreaded and resentful, so I ended up going to sleep late, waking up late, and not even caring anymore.
Anyway, now, a few years have passed but this problem hasn't become better.
And it's not for a lack of trying! I know this is a serious issue and I did try to change my habits. But it really seems kinda impossible.
First of all, there's some reasons which aren't specific to sleep. Like for example, sometimes I wake up at night because I need to go to the bathroom. I know this isn't really my fault, nor a self discipline thing, and I definitely should and would see a doctor over this. (But unfortunately, tbh, sometimes I see a lot of doctors and I feel like no one ever helps me. Don't know of it's true but that's how I feel unfortunately).
Also another thing. I don't always eat regularly.
That's because I live alone now, and also because I try to eat good food, cook at home, and eat vegetarian, instead of just eating fast food, but the thing is, everything is very expensive, and sometimes I don't have the time and motivation to cook, so sometimes I don't even have anything to eat. It's not always a problem but sometimes it definitely is.
I was taught how to make specific dishes but it's not a skill I really master that much.
I think it's really not a great things because it definitely screwed up my sleep schedule too.
Sometimes it's also too hot or too cold and I hope it won't be that much of an issue this summer, but honestly, I'm really scared. Hopefully the cold showers, window blinds and fans will make it bearable.
Because I'm very sensitive to all that. Heat, cold, food, etc. I'm also very sensitive to sleep too. I definitely need go sleep to be able to act like a functioning adult.
But now some other reasons. Leaving that alone.
Let's take this week for example.
I definitely did try to go to sleep and wake up at good hours.
Two days ago, I tried going to sleep at 22 hours, but I simply couldn't. I wasn't able to sleep. I was in the bed for an hour, tried to sleep as much as I can. But I was unable to. As a result, after minutes wandering this way, I opened up my phone. I ended up learning about some historic event and installing some new program that made my phone work faster.
I only managed to go asleep at 2 hours in the morning.
Now, people will tell me that I shouldn't use my phone in the evening. But imagine if you feel horrible, you try to go to sleep but you can't, and you want to go to the toilet at every second. Should I really do nothing in all that time?
And also, my phone also can help me go to sleep, because I can listen to calm music that could relax me and make me able to very fastly go to sleep. Especially if I'm stressed and tired.
But anyway, I went asleep at 2:00. I thought it wasn't a big deal because I didn't have school the next day. But I still unfortunately woke up too early, like at 8:00, because of my cats.
And the people here would definitely say that it's a good thing. But was it? I felt really terrible all day. And BTW, when I sleep terribly it's actually much harder for me to concentrate and resist temptations. I feel really horrible, I want to sleep, I don't wanna do anything. As a result, I haven't done that much that day, actually. That's why tbh I sometimes prefer sleeping well even if I'm late to somewhere because at least I'll be able to do something, and also feel amazing, otherwise, I literally feel like a zombie that hates life.
But another thing is that me not sleeping well one day doesn't necessarily guarantee me sleeping much better the other day. Many people here say that you need to force yourself to wake up late even if you feel horrible because it'll automatically become better the next day. But it's absolutely not working for me.
The thing is that when you haven't slept well you're tired, that's true. But it doesn't automatically imply that it's very easy to go to sleep.
Often times I have a weird dilemma. Should I directly go to sleep because I feel very tired but I'm sometimes unable to because I feel dirty? Or should I rather go to the shower first, but this shower will inevitably remove my tiredness? Sometimes it's even more ridiculous, with me being on minutes on my phone the evening (because I feel tired and am easily distracted and it's hard for me to do anything), and then feeling that I have to go to the toilet which makes me not want to sleep anymore. Or should I not go there and directly go to sleep? That's an even worse idea.
Ah yeah why am I on my phone? Well if for example my stomach hurts am I really supposed to only be in the toilet without a phone? I really feel like I'm hours in the toilet sometimes because my stomach hurts!
But anyway. What happened next? Even tho I didn't go to sleep that late I still haven't managed to recover. I slept 8 hours, but that's it, not 10 hours needed to fully recover. Yeah it was so amazing waking up the best day!
And then the next day I ended up feeling really tired and terrible. Very very tired. So I ended up taking a nap. But the thing is that because of that nap (from 16:00 to 19:00), I haven't managed to go to sleep at 22:00 either, nor even at 0:00. Only at 3 hours! And was it my fault?
Should I have forced myself to not take a nap and only go to sleep properly at 22h? I've tried this strategy too a couple of times. First of all, this means the day is effectively ruined because I'm unable to do anything. But secondly, what actually happens?
Sometimes, my body still feels like 22h is a nap. So I end up waking up at 2 in the morning and not able to asleep anymore either.
Other times, I end up sleeping the whole night, but only like 8 hours or less, and not enough to both sleep well this day and recover from the previous one (therefore like 10 hours). This happened to me a lot of times, and the best day, I felt horrible. I didn't feel like going asleep but overall lacked all the energy I needed.
So what exactly should I do?
And that's also forgetting that I'm also very easily distracted. Sometimes I want to go to sleep at 22 hours but then look at some video or some new Reddit community and my brain feels very excited and I can't think of anything else. Maybe it is because of the phone but also when I was a child I had the same problem with books, so it's more of an ADHD issue, and not something that I can easily remove by getting rid of the phone, as if it was that simple.
Another thing is that it seems like today, literally everything takes up too much time for me. Whenever I'm in the toilet, or I eat, or I go out. Is it because of my phone? Maybe. But the thing is that it's not that easy to give up my phone when I don't have such an active life outside of my phone. Even if I try to. And also sometimes I feel like I try to be very fast but am unable to. Especially if I want to go to the bathroom at some moment. I don't know why and how all this happens. I guess this autism thing definitely doesn't help.
I really need 8 hours of sleep. Maybe not literally every night but at least most of the time. And preferably these 8 hours shouldn't be from 4:00 to 12:00, especially if I actually want to study and work properly.
Don't forget please, I have autism (basically here it seems to manifest in a similar way as ADHD) so it makes all that much harder unfortunately.
Anyway, please, I hope you guys will actually give me sound advice and I'll be able to follow it, because for now I just feel like I'm literally unable to and as if I'm disabled and will forever be late everywhere to any job.
I also feel like literally nobody is able to help me and no one even cares about me. Instead people constantly only criticise me as being egoistic and not serious. And shame me for using the phone. That's it.
Doctors tell me there's nothing wrong with me but sometimes I absolutely feel there's many things very wrong with me. Otherwise I'll be a functioninf adult.
I guess I shouldn't feel so bad about myself because while my schedule is absolutely disorganised, at least I don't have other problems, for example I never drank or smoked, so I shouldn't feel that bad about myself. But still this is a very serious problem.
But anyway, please give me some detailed advice and some specific things that might actually help. Maybe some YouTube tutorials even.

First of all, Don't judge me please. I know I'm not perfect but at least I'm trying to become better. Maybe for some of you all this might seem very easy to do but not for me. It seems like a real challenge. Meanwhile there's other skills which seem easy for me and not for others.
My current sleep schedule thing is a pretty serious problem because it made me often late to university and I have bad grades now. So I don't even know how in the hell I'll be able to apply to work properly if I'll be late literally all the time.
It's even worse because I'm very sensitive to sleep and whenever I really haven't slept well I just feel horrible.
And if I'm late now and I sleep badly now, when I actually have a lot of free time this year, imagine how this might be much worse whenever I'm at work? That's why I'm afraid to work and I feel like I'm unable to be independent. And it's not for a lack of trying!
So I'll explain how we got to that point and how exactly my sleep schedule became so messed up.
When I was in high school, this wasn't the case. Well, I lived with my mom and she always watched me so that I went to sleep and woke up at the time needed. Also, we had a school bus only at one specific hour, so I couldn't have missed it. I had a semi regular sleep schedule.
Then came corona, and also first programming university, then one year of wandering around, and now languages university. A lot of things changed, but it seemed like it all became much more chaotic and disorganised. The timetables literally changed every week, half of the classes were online, and the teachers and other classmates didn't care at all about where you've been, unlike in high school. Also, ratings and important info was on the email instead of on a specific dedicated website. I was very used to the high school organisation and first followed it through university, including with workbooks for each course, but became less and less organised as time went on, because other people in my class weren't that organised, they even saw my organisation as strange, and also, all the stuff that I've cited, like the timetables, definitely didn't help in any organisation. Also, I started losing motivation and feeling dreaded and resentful, so I ended up going to sleep late, waking up late, and not even caring anymore.
Anyway, now, a few years have passed but this problem hasn't become better.
And it's not for a lack of trying! I know this is a serious issue and I did try to change my habits. But it really seems kinda impossible.
First of all, there's some reasons which aren't specific to sleep. Like for example, sometimes I wake up at night because I need to go to the bathroom. I know this isn't really my fault, nor a self discipline thing, and I definitely should and would see a doctor over this. (But unfortunately, tbh, sometimes I see a lot of doctors and I feel like no one ever helps me. Don't know of it's true but that's how I feel unfortunately).
Also another thing. I don't always eat regularly.
That's because I live alone now, and also because I try to eat good food, cook at home, and eat vegetarian, instead of just eating fast food, but the thing is, everything is very expensive, and sometimes I don't have the time and motivation to cook, so sometimes I don't even have anything to eat. It's not always a problem but sometimes it definitely is.
I was taught how to make specific dishes but it's not a skill I really master that much.
I think it's really not a great things because it definitely screwed up my sleep schedule too.
Sometimes it's also too hot or too cold and I hope it won't be that much of an issue this summer, but honestly, I'm really scared. Hopefully the cold showers, window blinds and fans will make it bearable.
Because I'm very sensitive to all that. Heat, cold, food, etc. I'm also very sensitive to sleep too. I definitely need go sleep to be able to act like a functioning adult.
But now some other reasons. Leaving that alone.
Let's take this week for example.
I definitely did try to go to sleep and wake up at good hours.
Two days ago, I tried going to sleep at 22 hours, but I simply couldn't. I wasn't able to sleep. I was in the bed for an hour, tried to sleep as much as I can. But I was unable to. As a result, after minutes wandering this way, I opened up my phone. I ended up learning about some historic event and installing some new program that made my phone work faster.
I only managed to go asleep at 2 hours in the morning.
Now, people will tell me that I shouldn't use my phone in the evening. But imagine if you feel horrible, you try to go to sleep but you can't, and you want to go to the toilet at every second. Should I really do nothing in all that time?
And also, my phone also can help me go to sleep, because I can listen to calm music that could relax me and make me able to very fastly go to sleep. Especially if I'm stressed and tired.
But anyway, I went asleep at 2:00. I thought it wasn't a big deal because I didn't have school the next day. But I still unfortunately woke up too early, like at 8:00, because of my cats.
And the people here would definitely say that it's a good thing. But was it? I felt really terrible all day. And BTW, when I sleep terribly it's actually much harder for me to concentrate and resist temptations. I feel really horrible, I want to sleep, I don't wanna do anything. As a result, I haven't done that much that day, actually. That's why tbh I sometimes prefer sleeping well even if I'm late to somewhere because at least I'll be able to do something, and also feel amazing, otherwise, I literally feel like a zombie that hates life.
But another thing is that me not sleeping well one day doesn't necessarily guarantee me sleeping much better the other day. Many people here say that you need to force yourself to wake up late even if you feel horrible because it'll automatically become better the next day. But it's absolutely not working for me.
The thing is that when you haven't slept well you're tired, that's true. But it doesn't automatically imply that it's very easy to go to sleep.
Often times I have a weird dilemma. Should I directly go to sleep because I feel very tired but I'm sometimes unable to because I feel dirty? Or should I rather go to the shower first, but this shower will inevitably remove my tiredness? Sometimes it's even more ridiculous, with me being on minutes on my phone the evening (because I feel tired and am easily distracted and it's hard for me to do anything), and then feeling that I have to go to the toilet which makes me not want to sleep anymore. Or should I not go there and directly go to sleep? That's an even worse idea.
Ah yeah why am I on my phone? Well if for example my stomach hurts am I really supposed to only be in the toilet without a phone? I really feel like I'm hours in the toilet sometimes because my stomach hurts!
But anyway. What happened next? Even tho I didn't go to sleep that late I still haven't managed to recover. I slept 8 hours, but that's it, not 10 hours needed to fully recover. Yeah it was so amazing waking up the best day!
And then the next day I ended up feeling really tired and terrible. Very very tired. So I ended up taking a nap. But the thing is that because of that nap (from 16:00 to 19:00), I haven't managed to go to sleep at 22:00 either, nor even at 0:00. Only at 3 hours! And was it my fault?
Should I have forced myself to not take a nap and only go to sleep properly at 22h? I've tried this strategy too a couple of times. First of all, this means the day is effectively ruined because I'm unable to do anything. But secondly, what actually happens?
Sometimes, my body still feels like 22h is a nap. So I end up waking up at 2 in the morning and not able to asleep anymore either.
Other times, I end up sleeping the whole night, but only like 8 hours or less, and not enough to both sleep well this day and recover from the previous one (therefore like 10 hours). This happened to me a lot of times, and the best day, I felt horrible. I didn't feel like going asleep but overall lacked all the energy I needed.
So what exactly should I do?
And that's also forgetting that I'm also very easily distracted. Sometimes I want to go to sleep at 22 hours but then look at some video or some new Reddit community and my brain feels very excited and I can't think of anything else. Maybe it is because of the phone but also when I was a child I had the same problem with books, so it's more of an ADHD issue, and not something that I can easily remove by getting rid of the phone, as if it was that simple.
Another thing is that it seems like today, literally everything takes up too much time for me. Whenever I'm in the toilet, or I eat, or I go out. Is it because of my phone? Maybe. But the thing is that it's not that easy to give up my phone when I don't have such an active life outside of my phone. Even if I try to. And also sometimes I feel like I try to be very fast but am unable to. Especially if I want to go to the bathroom at some moment. I don't know why and how all this happens. I guess this autism thing definitely doesn't help.
Don't forget please, I have autism (basically here it seems to manifest in a similar way as ADHD) so it makes all that much harder unfortunately.
Anyway, please, I hope you guys will actually give me sound advice and I'll be able to follow it, because for now I just feel like I'm literally unable to and as if I'm disabled and will forever be late everywhere to any job.
I also feel like literally nobody is able to help me and no one even cares about me. Instead people constantly only criticise me as being egoistic and not serious. And shame me for using the phone. That's it.
Doctors tell me there's nothing wrong with me but sometimes I absolutely feel there's many things very wrong with me. Otherwise I'll be a functioninf adult.
I guess I shouldn't feel so bad about myself because while my schedule is absolutely disorganised, at least I don't have other problems, for example I never drank or smoked, so I shouldn't feel that bad about myself. But still this is a very serious problem.
But anyway, please give me some detailed advice and some specific things that might actually help. Maybe some YouTube tutorials even.

First time posting on here, possibly wrong flair but here I go.
I (13F at the time) happen to be able to stare at things for an abnormal amount of time without blinking. That plus my blue eyes can look like a scene from a horror movie. Only downside, I am autistic, so I struggle to make eye contact (I usually look at peoples noses). I also find routines very important, so doing things such as sitting in the same spot every lesson.
This story happened at school, a very certain group of girls had been teasing me for a while. Spreading rumours putting me in uncomfortable social situations? They did that. Unfortunately, many of them are in my homeroom. Now in many of my classes, I have an unofficial seating plan which is a spot I always sit at.
There is one girl who is the ringleader in the teasing, Lets call her Ring. Ring and her friends are aware of my need to sit in the same spot with the same people, and those people are not them.
time to get to the good part.
On a specific day during homeroom, Ring decided to bring her entire friend group of 7 people to sit on the desk I was at. This obviously caused me a lot of stress, and I was trying to communicate if they could sit somewhere else very visibly. Tears and everything.
Thankfully, my teacher noticed my breakdown and sat them somewhere else <3 but they already saw that was the way to 'bully' me.
Now I wasn't having any of that when they tried it again tomorrow.
Fast forward to tomorrow, I had mentally prepared myself incase it happened again. Which is exactly what happened. This time, Ring didn't bring any of her minions so I could direct all of the uncomfortableness I could give to others all on her.
I was on my school laptop when Ring sat herself next to me. I had noticed her sit down, time to perform the act of the soul starer.
Ring says "Omg hi bestie, how are you" in a very mocking tone. (I barely know her)
I'd widen my eyes and turn my head around to Ring, the kind of head turn from a horror movie. While looking into her eyes with wide unblinking eyes and say.
"I don't know Ring? How do you think I feel after you caused me to have a meltdown by doing the thing you're doing now?"
She got and left as quickly as she could. I think she got the message since she's never tried it again.

First of all, Don't judge me please. I know I'm not perfect but at least I'm trying to become better. Maybe for some of you all this might seem very easy to do but not for me. It seems like a real challenge. Meanwhile there's other skills which seem easy for me and not for others.
My current sleep schedule thing is a pretty serious problem because it made me often late to university and I have bad grades now. So I don't even know how in the hell I'll be able to apply to work properly if I'll be late literally all the time.
It's even worse because I'm very sensitive to sleep and whenever I really haven't slept well I just feel horrible.
And if I'm late now and I sleep badly now, when I actually have a lot of free time this year, imagine how this might be much worse whenever I'm at work? That's why I'm afraid to work and I feel like I'm unable to be independent. And it's not for a lack of trying!
So I'll explain how we got to that point and how exactly my sleep schedule became so messed up.
When I was in high school, this wasn't the case. Well, I lived with my mom and she always watched me so that I went to sleep and woke up at the time needed. Also, we had a school bus only at one specific hour, so I couldn't have missed it. I had a semi regular sleep schedule.
Then came corona, and also first programming university, then one year of wandering around, and now languages university. A lot of things changed, but it seemed like it all became much more chaotic and disorganised. The timetables literally changed every week, half of the classes were online, and the teachers and other classmates didn't care at all about where you've been, unlike in high school. Also, ratings and important info was on the email instead of on a specific dedicated website. I was very used to the high school organisation and first followed it through university, including with workbooks for each course, but became less and less organised as time went on, because other people in my class weren't that organised, they even saw my organisation as strange, and also, all the stuff that I've cited, like the timetables, definitely didn't help in any organisation. Also, I started losing motivation and feeling dreaded and resentful, so I ended up going to sleep late, waking up late, and not even caring anymore.
Anyway, now, a few years have passed but this problem hasn't become better.
And it's not for a lack of trying! I know this is a serious issue and I did try to change my habits. But it really seems kinda impossible.
First of all, there's some reasons which aren't specific to sleep. Like for example, sometimes I wake up at night because I need to go to the bathroom. I know this isn't really my fault, nor a self discipline thing, and I definitely should and would see a doctor over this. (But unfortunately, tbh, sometimes I see a lot of doctors and I feel like no one ever helps me. Don't know of it's true but that's how I feel unfortunately).
Also another thing. I don't always eat regularly.
That's because I live alone now, and also because I try to eat good food, cook at home, and eat vegetarian, instead of just eating fast food, but the thing is, everything is very expensive, and sometimes I don't have the time and motivation to cook, so sometimes I don't even have anything to eat. It's not always a problem but sometimes it definitely is.
I was taught how to make specific dishes but it's not a skill I really master that much.
I think it's really not a great things because it definitely screwed up my sleep schedule too.
Sometimes it's also too hot or too cold and I hope it won't be that much of an issue this summer, but honestly, I'm really scared. Hopefully the cold showers, window blinds and fans will make it bearable.
Because I'm very sensitive to all that. Heat, cold, food, etc. I'm also very sensitive to sleep too. I definitely need go sleep to be able to act like a functioning adult.
But now some other reasons. Leaving that alone.
Let's take this week for example.
I definitely did try to go to sleep and wake up at good hours.
Two days ago, I tried going to sleep at 22 hours, but I simply couldn't. I wasn't able to sleep. I was in the bed for an hour, tried to sleep as much as I can. But I was unable to. As a result, after minutes wandering this way, I opened up my phone. I ended up learning about some historic event and installing some new program that made my phone work faster.
I only managed to go asleep at 2 hours in the morning.
Now, people will tell me that I shouldn't use my phone in the evening. But imagine if you feel horrible, you try to go to sleep but you can't, and you want to go to the toilet at every second. Should I really do nothing in all that time?
And also, my phone also can help me go to sleep, because I can listen to calm music that could relax me and make me able to very fastly go to sleep. Especially if I'm stressed and tired.
But anyway, I went asleep at 2:00. I thought it wasn't a big deal because I didn't have school the next day. But I still unfortunately woke up too early, like at 8:00, because of my cats.
And the people here would definitely say that it's a good thing. But was it? I felt really terrible all day. And BTW, when I sleep terribly it's actually much harder for me to concentrate and resist temptations. I feel really horrible, I want to sleep, I don't wanna do anything. As a result, I haven't done that much that day, actually. That's why tbh I sometimes prefer sleeping well even if I'm late to somewhere because at least I'll be able to do something, and also feel amazing, otherwise, I literally feel like a zombie that hates life.
But another thing is that me not sleeping well one day doesn't necessarily guarantee me sleeping much better the other day. Many people here say that you need to force yourself to wake up late even if you feel horrible because it'll automatically become better the next day. But it's absolutely not working for me.
The thing is that when you haven't slept well you're tired, that's true. But it doesn't automatically imply that it's very easy to go to sleep.
Often times I have a weird dilemma. Should I directly go to sleep because I feel very tired but I'm sometimes unable to because I feel dirty? Or should I rather go to the shower first, but this shower will inevitably remove my tiredness? Sometimes it's even more ridiculous, with me being on minutes on my phone the evening (because I feel tired and am easily distracted and it's hard for me to do anything), and then feeling that I have to go to the toilet which makes me not want to sleep anymore. Or should I not go there and directly go to sleep? That's an even worse idea.
Ah yeah why am I on my phone? Well if for example my stomach hurts am I really supposed to only be in the toilet without a phone? I really feel like I'm hours in the toilet sometimes because my stomach hurts!
But anyway. What happened next? Even tho I didn't go to sleep that late I still haven't managed to recover. I slept 8 hours, but that's it, not 10 hours needed to fully recover. Yeah it was so amazing waking up the best day!
And then the next day I ended up feeling really tired and terrible. Very very tired. So I ended up taking a nap. But the thing is that because of that nap (from 16:00 to 19:00), I haven't managed to go to sleep at 22:00 either, nor even at 0:00. Only at 3 hours! And was it my fault?
Should I have forced myself to not take a nap and only go to sleep properly at 22h? I've tried this strategy too a couple of times. First of all, this means the day is effectively ruined because I'm unable to do anything. But secondly, what actually happens?
Sometimes, my body still feels like 22h is a nap. So I end up waking up at 2 in the morning and not able to asleep anymore either.
Other times, I end up sleeping the whole night, but only like 8 hours or less, and not enough to both sleep well this day and recover from the previous one (therefore like 10 hours). This happened to me a lot of times, and the best day, I felt horrible. I didn't feel like going asleep but overall lacked all the energy I needed.
So what exactly should I do?
And that's also forgetting that I'm also very easily distracted. Sometimes I want to go to sleep at 22 hours but then look at some video or some new Reddit community and my brain feels very excited and I can't think of anything else. Maybe it is because of the phone but also when I was a child I had the same problem with books, so it's more of an ADHD issue, and not something that I can easily remove by getting rid of the phone, as if it was that simple.
Another thing is that it seems like today, literally everything takes up too much time for me. Whenever I'm in the toilet, or I eat, or I go out. Is it because of my phone? Maybe. But the thing is that it's not that easy to give up my phone when I don't have such an active life outside of my phone. Even if I try to. And also sometimes I feel like I try to be very fast but am unable to. Especially if I want to go to the bathroom at some moment. I don't know why and how all this happens. I guess this autism thing definitely doesn't help.
Don't forget please, I have autism (basically here it seems to manifest in a similar way as ADHD) so it makes all that much harder unfortunately.
Anyway, please, I hope you guys will actually give me sound advice and I'll be able to follow it, because for now I just feel like I'm literally unable to and as if I'm disabled and will forever be late everywhere to any job.
I also feel like literally nobody is able to help me and no one even cares about me. Instead people constantly only criticise me as being egoistic and not serious. And shame me for using the phone. That's it.
Doctors tell me there's nothing wrong with me but sometimes I absolutely feel there's many things very wrong with me. Otherwise I'll be a functioninf adult.
I guess I shouldn't feel so bad about myself because while my schedule is absolutely disorganised, at least I don't have other problems, for example I never drank or smoked, so I shouldn't feel that bad about myself. But still this is a very serious problem.
But anyway, please give me some detailed advice and some specific things that might actually help. Maybe some YouTube tutorials even.

First of all, Don't judge me please. I know I'm not perfect but at least I'm trying to become better. Maybe for some of you all this might seem very easy to do but not for me. It seems like a real challenge. Meanwhile there's other skills which seem easy for me and not for others.
My current sleep schedule thing is a pretty serious problem because it made me often late to university and I have bad grades now. So I don't even know how in the hell I'll be able to apply to work properly if I'll be late literally all the time.
It's even worse because I'm very sensitive to sleep and whenever I really haven't slept well I just feel horrible.
And if I'm late now and I sleep badly now, when I actually have a lot of free time this year, imagine how this might be much worse whenever I'm at work? That's why I'm afraid to work and I feel like I'm unable to be independent. And it's not for a lack of trying!
So I'll explain how we got to that point and how exactly my sleep schedule became so messed up.
When I was in high school, this wasn't the case. Well, I lived with my mom and she always watched me so that I went to sleep and woke up at the time needed. Also, we had a school bus only at one specific hour, so I couldn't have missed it. I had a semi regular sleep schedule.
Then came corona, and also first programming university, then one year of wandering around, and now languages university. A lot of things changed, but it seemed like it all became much more chaotic and disorganised. The timetables literally changed every week, half of the classes were online, and the teachers and other classmates didn't care at all about where you've been, unlike in high school. Also, ratings and important info was on the email instead of on a specific dedicated website. I was very used to the high school organisation and first followed it through university, including with workbooks for each course, but became less and less organised as time went on, because other people in my class weren't that organised, they even saw my organisation as strange, and also, all the stuff that I've cited, like the timetables, definitely didn't help in any organisation. Also, I started losing motivation and feeling dreaded and resentful, so I ended up going to sleep late, waking up late, and not even caring anymore.
Anyway, now, a few years have passed but this problem hasn't become better.
And it's not for a lack of trying! I know this is a serious issue and I did try to change my habits. But it really seems kinda impossible.
First of all, there's some reasons which aren't specific to sleep. Like for example, sometimes I wake up at night because I need to go to the bathroom. I know this isn't really my fault, nor a self discipline thing, and I definitely should and would see a doctor over this. (But unfortunately, tbh, sometimes I see a lot of doctors and I feel like no one ever helps me. Don't know of it's true but that's how I feel unfortunately).
Also another thing. I don't always eat regularly.
That's because I live alone now, and also because I try to eat good food, cook at home, and eat vegetarian, instead of just eating fast food, but the thing is, everything is very expensive, and sometimes I don't have the time and motivation to cook, so sometimes I don't even have anything to eat. It's not always a problem but sometimes it definitely is.
I was taught how to make specific dishes but it's not a skill I really master that much.
I think it's really not a great things because it definitely screwed up my sleep schedule too.
Sometimes it's also too hot or too cold and I hope it won't be that much of an issue this summer, but honestly, I'm really scared. Hopefully the cold showers, window blinds and fans will make it bearable.
Because I'm very sensitive to all that. Heat, cold, food, etc. I'm also very sensitive to sleep too. I definitely need go sleep to be able to act like a functioning adult.
But now some other reasons. Leaving that alone.
Let's take this week for example.
I definitely did try to go to sleep and wake up at good hours.
Two days ago, I tried going to sleep at 22 hours, but I simply couldn't. I wasn't able to sleep. I was in the bed for an hour, tried to sleep as much as I can. But I was unable to. As a result, after minutes wandering this way, I opened up my phone. I ended up learning about some historic event and installing some new program that made my phone work faster.
I only managed to go asleep at 2 hours in the morning.
Now, people will tell me that I shouldn't use my phone in the evening. But imagine if you feel horrible, you try to go to sleep but you can't, and you want to go to the toilet at every second. Should I really do nothing in all that time?
And also, my phone also can help me go to sleep, because I can listen to calm music that could relax me and make me able to very fastly go to sleep. Especially if I'm stressed and tired.
But anyway, I went asleep at 2:00. I thought it wasn't a big deal because I didn't have school the next day. But I still unfortunately woke up too early, like at 8:00, because of my cats.
And the people here would definitely say that it's a good thing. But was it? I felt really terrible all day. And BTW, when I sleep terribly it's actually much harder for me to concentrate and resist temptations. I feel really horrible, I want to sleep, I don't wanna do anything. As a result, I haven't done that much that day, actually. That's why tbh I sometimes prefer sleeping well even if I'm late to somewhere because at least I'll be able to do something, and also feel amazing, otherwise, I literally feel like a zombie that hates life.
But another thing is that me not sleeping well one day doesn't necessarily guarantee me sleeping much better the other day. Many people here say that you need to force yourself to wake up late even if you feel horrible because it'll automatically become better the next day. But it's absolutely not working for me.
The thing is that when you haven't slept well you're tired, that's true. But it doesn't automatically imply that it's very easy to go to sleep.
Often times I have a weird dilemma. Should I directly go to sleep because I feel very tired but I'm sometimes unable to because I feel dirty? Or should I rather go to the shower first, but this shower will inevitably remove my tiredness? Sometimes it's even more ridiculous, with me being on minutes on my phone the evening (because I feel tired and am easily distracted and it's hard for me to do anything), and then feeling that I have to go to the toilet which makes me not want to sleep anymore. Or should I not go there and directly go to sleep? That's an even worse idea.
Ah yeah why am I on my phone? Well if for example my stomach hurts am I really supposed to only be in the toilet without a phone? I really feel like I'm hours in the toilet sometimes because my stomach hurts!
But anyway. What happened next? Even tho I didn't go to sleep that late I still haven't managed to recover. I slept 8 hours, but that's it, not 10 hours needed to fully recover. Yeah it was so amazing waking up the best day!
And then the next day I ended up feeling really tired and terrible. Very very tired. So I ended up taking a nap. But the thing is that because of that nap (from 16:00 to 19:00), I haven't managed to go to sleep at 22:00 either, nor even at 0:00. Only at 3 hours! And was it my fault?
Should I have forced myself to not take a nap and only go to sleep properly at 22h? I've tried this strategy too a couple of times. First of all, this means the day is effectively ruined because I'm unable to do anything. But secondly, what actually happens?
Sometimes, my body still feels like 22h is a nap. So I end up waking up at 2 in the morning and not able to asleep anymore either.
Other times, I end up sleeping the whole night, but only like 8 hours or less, and not enough to both sleep well this day and recover from the previous one (therefore like 10 hours). This happened to me a lot of times, and the best day, I felt horrible. I didn't feel like going asleep but overall lacked all the energy I needed.
So what exactly should I do?
And that's also forgetting that I'm also very easily distracted. Sometimes I want to go to sleep at 22 hours but then look at some video or some new Reddit community and my brain feels very excited and I can't think of anything else. Maybe it is because of the phone but also when I was a child I had the same problem with books, so it's more of an ADHD issue, and not something that I can easily remove by getting rid of the phone, as if it was that simple.
Another thing is that it seems like today, literally everything takes up too much time for me. Whenever I'm in the toilet, or I eat, or I go out. Is it because of my phone? Maybe. But the thing is that it's not that easy to give up my phone when I don't have such an active life outside of my phone. Even if I try to. And also sometimes I feel like I try to be very fast but am unable to. Especially if I want to go to the bathroom at some moment. I don't know why and how all this happens. I guess this autism thing definitely doesn't help.
Don't forget please, I have autism (basically here it seems to manifest in a similar way as ADHD) so it makes all that much harder unfortunately.
Anyway, please, I hope you guys will actually give me sound advice and I'll be able to follow it, because for now I just feel like I'm literally unable to and as if I'm disabled and will forever be late everywhere to any job.
I also feel like literally nobody is able to help me and no one even cares about me. Instead people constantly only criticise me as being egoistic and not serious. And shame me for using the phone. That's it.
Doctors tell me there's nothing wrong with me but sometimes I absolutely feel there's many things very wrong with me. Otherwise I'll be a functioninf adult.
I guess I shouldn't feel so bad about myself because while my schedule is absolutely disorganised, at least I don't have other problems, for example I never drank or smoked, so I shouldn't feel that bad about myself. But still this is a very serious problem.
But anyway, please give me some detailed advice and some specific things that might actually help. Maybe some YouTube tutorials even.