Genocide Reigns
(note: I'm an indie game developer making an action/horror title called Phantasphere. This story is a spin off set in the same universe)
Year 2480X Ryze County Police Department
He's coming. The ensuing panic spread like a virus infecting all present with symptoms of looming dread. Officers worked steadfast to prepare also taking what time remained to train the few combat hardened civilians whom had fled to the station earlier. If only they knew. This demon that presented itself as a man had led a string of senseless massacres across the country. Only recently had it begun to prioritize police stations and army bases as a means of breaking the will of civilians who knew they would be next. Officers from several counties across the states were transferred here for this last stand. This Genocide must not continue. Gracia checked her pistol. Some 20 bullets remained. "I can do this", she thought, "I have to". She had dealt with similar cases before. Some poor soul is overtaken by some inextricably evil force and makes it their life's work to propagate death. Gracia had killed quite a few already. Live arrests weren't always possible. Beyond saving, careful interrogations of the scarce live catches yielded a startling connection. These killers all alluded to a well of overwhelming hatred and despair that consumed them after making eye contact with...Pale, black eyed entities. Some type of demon? Ghost maybe? The idea seemed nonsensical, but there was evidence nonetheless that some outside force was using them to fulfill some unknown purpose. At the present time, all they could do was stop the killers after they had killed. It was always too late by then and more would appear randomly elsewhere. What good could be done here in an isolated station hoping to stop one guy out of possibly hundreds? "The guy we're waiting for is different from the others," detective Evans spoke from the center of a crowd nearby. Gracia moved in closer. "The others typically strike from the shadows, hide their faces behind masks, and prefer to get up close and personal with their victims. What we're dealing with is on a completely different scale. The trail of bloodshed this guy leaves is too difficult for the media to cover up. He loves the spectacle. Headlining the news. We can't keep using the burst pipeline excuse for 6 stations being destroyed in a row. We have to stop him before the world at large finds out. You wonder why we need so many people here? Its simple. We're gonna out-man this one man. He always attacks stations through the front door. Like other killers he's fast, strong- you know the usual, but he also uses guns." "What!", a voice rang out from the crowd. "They aren't supposed to do that!" another gasped. Officer Lary spoke with a cheesy grin" Ya tellin' me we just gotta deal with a regular ass gunman eh? That's a welcome change of pace init? Heck I'm too old to be running around being chased like I'm in some scary movie". The detective rebutted" You don't get it. He uses guns. Not a handgun, not rifles, not boom sticks, not rpgs, not knives not grenades but ALL of them. He uses guns. Plural. It'll take essentially an army to match his arsenal. He used to be a man named -redacted-, but in his pursuit of chaos he has become Genocide." A dark form manifests from the night outside the station. Genocide is coming.
Bang! something slams into the front door. Everyone freezes. Officer Tatum edges slowly to it, shockgun in hand. By no means lethal, the shockgun was lighter, easy to control, and could stun targets temporarily. If Genocide was here, Tatum could stun him and duck for cover leaving the station free to light him up like a Christmas tree. That was the plan they came up with. He got closer to the glass door and peered outside. He was met with hate filled bloodshot eyes framed by an unkempt beard and wild straggly hair. Tatum felt some relief. He knew the man outside. It was Jim Jimenez. Jim was a former drug dealer turned informant. He was found out and had to flee from his old life. He became homeless, hiding in plane sight. This allowed him safety at the cost of his mental health. Tatum knew the man, but those eyes were not his. Tatum blinked and saw that the look of malice had vanished. What he instead saw was a helpless, wounded man, bleeding from the right arm pleading for help. Tatum looked behind Jim, eyeing the empty lot. The coast seemingly clear Tatum unlocked the door and let Jim in. Jim had been roaming the town looking for shelter and tried squatting in an abandoned looking apartment complex. There he found that the building contained several murdered families some succumbing to gunshots but the majority having met their end to fire and suffocation. Jim had decided to make his way to the station to tell police what happened and met trouble on the way. He described getting stabbed by a man wearing a trench coat with long dark hair. Despite the injuries, Jim could move surprisingly well and seemed to ignore the pain. Jim insisted that the man had spared him on the condition he deliver a message. "What message?" Tatum asked. Jim beckoned him to come closer. Tatum leaned in and Jim whispered, "Tell them. Tell them that Genocide is coming closer." The following events were a blur. Jim had concealed the knife he was stabbed with. He stabbed Tatum 4 times in the chest and wrestled his shockgun away. Using Tatum as a shield, Jim engaged everyone in the lobby. Jim wasn't himself. He was stronger. He was faster. He was tactical. He would stun an officer in place only to stab them and use their as a body shield. No one could get a clear shot without hitting a colleague. Gracia watched the scene unfold. In minutes Jim had acquired a magnum from the holster of one of his victims. In seconds 3 officers had their heads exploded. The magnum rounds coated the walls red with those they hit and stained the clothes of those they missed. Gracia felt fear rising in her chest. She calmed herself and tried to think. She saw the bodies on the ground. The blood. She saw how dismissively Jim stepped over them. Like they were nothing. Like trash. She saw the man firing erratically into groups of people, not so much to kill but as to cause panic. That's it! As Gracia contemplated her next move it hit her. She was knocked backwards and landed on the ground. She weakly clutched her chest. Her breathing grew shallow. Jim mad his way deeper into the station. The officers were retreating from their standoff. Jim stepped over her body and saw red staining her uniform. Just another casualty. He moved on. At this point the civilians began panicking. Everyone gave up trying to save their allies and fired blindly at the madman. "Don't shoot the messenger," Jim laughed as he stripped his latest meat shield of an automatic rifle. Detective Evans took cover behind an overturned desk. To his left Larry struggled to light a cigar. "You still think this is a cakewalk?" Evans shouted firing 2 quick shots from his gun before ducking back down. Lary lost hold of his lighter and it clattered on the ground." Crap." He reached for it and looked in the corner of the room. A mirror. He looked at it for what seemed like ages and his smirk returned " Y'know that mex'n gal with the short hair. Where is she? I didn't see her get shot." Evans glanced a peak at Jim spraying lead in all directions. Behind him was a corpse. Evans blinked. It seemed to be getting closer. Its her. Gracia painstakingly inched her way into Jim's blind spot. She was roughly 6 feet away from him. Flanking him seemed like a brilliant idea but waiting idly by for the right moment as the people around her died filled her with anger. Worse still, she had to steal a blood soaked shirt from one of the deceased officers to keep up the facade. Inching ever so steadily she mad it within 3 feet of Jim. She reached behind her belt and unclipped a pair of handcuffs. Screams could be heard as more people were hit. Gracia couldn't wait any longer. Fluidly she got to her feet and rushed Jim. She kicked the back of his knee causing him to stumble as she put the handcuffs on him. Figuratively. The handcuffs were around Jim's neck. She yanked him back causing his gun to drop. "You don't know what you're doing." Jim spat. "We all need to accept it. The end of days is upon us. Death rides his horse through these forsaken lands. We must serve or be sacrificed in turn. Accept it!"He elbowed Gracia in the ribs causing her to let go. He spun around and lunged at her. She landed on her back, Jim steadily choking her. Gracia thought fast. She couldn't struggle. Jim was too strong. She delivered a precise chop to the center of Jim's neck which was exposed. Jim lurched back to catch his breath. A clean shot. A bullet pierced through Jim's back. Weakened, Gracia rolled him over and began punching him repeatedly using the handcuffs as brass knuckles. The sound of Jim's skull cracking echoed through the station. This would go on for nearly 20 seconds before Gracia stopped, checked his pulse, confirmed Jim was still alive, then finally put the cuffs on Jim's wrists.
Click. Bodies are wrapped and moved to a makeshift storage room. Click. The available weapons are gathered and redistributed. Click. Officers are assigned to sniping positions on neighboring buildings. Click. Police cruisers circle the lot outside. Click. In the holding cell, Jim opens his eyes. Click. Lary flicks his lighter. Click. Gracia sips coffee from a paper cup. Click. Shells hit the ground at the feet of Genocide. Click. Genocide walks outside a cafe and looks at the station in the distance. Click. Lary clicks his lighter.
"All ya'll gon' fall," Jim ranted." You can't drain the ocean. You can't put out the sun. Evil will always exist. That there Genocide is proof . I saw him. Saw myself within his eyes. Saw the evil in me that I could no longer try to hide. He taught me to embrace the darkness within. Its in all of us begging to be let out. Can you hear it!" Lary clicked his lighter and got up from his chair. He grabbed a cup of liquor from another officer mid sip and walked over to Jim. He doused it on Jim, the liquid stinging his open wounds. Jim yelped. Across the station, radios blurred to life. Several of their lookouts on the outside had been killed. "He's gon' get ya," Jim smiled imitating Lary's signature grin. "Genocide! Genocide! Genocide!" The other inmates saw the chance to irritate Lary and joined in all shouting in unison,"Ge-No-Cide! Ge-No-Cide! Ge-No-Cide!" The chanting grew louder. Unbearable. They invoked upon the name of the beast, and so it came.
Genocide is upon us. A wave of dread spread across the officers. They could feel its presence. Gracia knew the sensation. The awful aura that the other killers gave off. This was different. Far more oppressive. She struggled to breathe as the air got colder. Her instincts screamed for her to run. She could only imagine what the others were going through. Its time. Across the lot Genocide stood. A siren blared over the intercom. "Everyone get into positions!" Evans yelled. Wayne finished setting the last of the c4 near the station entrance. "That's the last of them. Have remote triggers set around all the major hallways. I'll be in the security room ready to pull the switch." Wayne acted as an explosives expert. His job was to detonate bombs placed throughout the station to slow down Genocide should it enter the building. He would stay in the security room, monitoring the cameras and giving real time updates on the officers' positions. From the holding cell, inmates chanted for Genocide. Lary got off his phone" That bastard mixed us up. How did we not notice?" Evans asked what he meant. Lary, dumbfounded, said that most of the town was already dead. Genocide had broken his usual pattern. He went on a killing spree across a defenseless town BEFORE attacking the police station. They had let everyone down. The people they swore to protect. This Genocide was a monster, but he was still a man. Capable of learning from his past actions. Planning. Adapting. It wasn't in his style to stealthily kill his victims or even use a silencer on any of his guns, but an exception had been made for tonight. An exception that would cost them. Gracia was stationed on the second floor. She peered out the window. Her heart skipped a beat. Two cruisers made slow donuts patrolling the lot and standing unmoving between them was a man all in black. Gracia called in to Wayne asking if he saw anything outside. Wayne said the monitors were all clear then checked again. He cursed. He noticed small details were off. The cameras showing the outside of the station were wrong. Sure they showed the same scenery and weather but cars passed by on screen too frequently for a dead town. Too many to make sense for the quarantine they had set in place. Wayne concluded that the cameras had been hacked. Different prerecorded footage was being shown on the live feed to misdirect them. Gracia saw the man look up at her. A light rain started to fall. The officers patrolling outside were contacted. From the holding cells, inmates called for genocide.

2.3.5 Controversial views and perceptions of the clinical picture of MCAS
2.3.5.1 Alternative diagnostic criteria ("Consensus-2")
In 2011, the group of authors led by Gerald Molderings from the Institute for Human Genetics at the University Hospital Bonn and Lawrence Afrin published their own approach to the diagnosis of MCAS (51). In contrast to the diagnostic criteria of Valent et al. (1), the focus here is more on clinical symptoms. In 2016, Afrin et al. published a list of the most common symptoms that could indicate MCAS (52). Furthermore a questionnaire was developed and published on a website (53), after the answers to which the suspected diagnosis of MCAS could be supported or ruled out depending on the scores obtained. In a recently published publication, the working group referred to their diagnostic criteria as "Consensus-2" and compared and discussed them with the criteria of Valent et al. from 2016 (so-called "Consensus-1") (51). An important difference to the criteria Valent et al. 2016, the authors consider the symptoms not only as the main main criterion, but also a much wider range of previously unexplained symptoms (111 unexplained symptoms (111 possible symptoms (44)) as the most important indication of a a mast cell-mediated cause (14 symptoms in Valent et al. (1)). As The diagnosis of MCAS is considered confirmed if the main criterion is present together with a secondary criterion and possible alternative diagnoses have been excluded. The secondary criteria, in turn, are based on observations made at the time of the 500 people with suspected MCAS at the time of the first publication (44). Further differences between the two consensuses can be found in the laboratory parameters to be determined. For example, the researchers from different disciplines, which according to their own statements can draw on a wealth of experience of of over 10,000 MCAS patients (diagnosed according to their own criteria, nota bene), consider CgA to be specific for mast cells in addition to tryptase, among other things (44). The counterargument of the lower specificity compared to serum tryptase is granted a certain validity in the addendum to the "Consensus-2" published in 2020 (44), however the differential diagnoses with elevated CgA values should be easy to rule out and other markers are also never 100% specific. However, another group was already able to show in 2017 that CgA should not be used as a marker for mast cell disease(49). Furthermore the group of authors of the "Consensus-2" counts heparin as an important marker for MCAS, which should be determined after venous congestion using a blood pressure cuff (54). This maneuver was reported to cause irritation of excessively activatable mast cells with release of heparin in the congested area. Interestingly, the following section mentions markers such as IL-6 or tumor necrosis factor (TNF) which, due to their lack of specificity, are not used in diagnostics, but only in the evaluation of a successful therapy. The authors of "Consensus-2" criticize "Consensus-1" for, among other things the lack of definitions for a treatment response, whereby the "Consensus-2 does not provide any concrete proposals for evaluating or monitoring the response to therapy. Another point of criticism is the lack of exclusion of other comorbidities or differential diagnoses, such as CFS, EDS and irritable bowel syndrome, as clinical indications of MCAS. [...] In return, the AAAAI expressly points out that there is no evidence to date of a connection between CFS or EDS and MCAS. Overall, the clinical picture of MCAS is so complex and heterogeneous that a precise definition of a diagnostic algorithm is not possible at the present time. Molderings et al. therefore propose the acceptance of both the "Consensus1" according to Valent et al. and their "Consensus-2" until more precise findings are available through research. The resulting disadvantages, such as the the poorer comparability of patient populations in scientific studies would weigh less heavily than those resulting from the rejection of "Consensus-2" (an underdiagnosis due to criteria that are too restrictive according to the authors). On the other hand, the large number of non-specific complaints that are supposedly associated with MCAS harbors the risk of inflationary diagnosis.
2.3.5.2 Presentation in the lay press
An expansion of the MCAS definition with the use of non-validated clinical and laboratory chemical parameters for diagnosis is frequently found in the lay media, above all on websites, but also in the specialist literature. Increasingly, patients with (suspected) MCAS are organizing themselves with commitment and are increasingly organizing themselves into interest groups such as MCAS Hope e.V., which campaigns for the recognition of MCAS "as an independent disease". In addition They also network those affected and their relatives and carry out public relations work, which aims to make the clinical picture known to a broader public. This expansion of the diagnostic criteria described above increases the risk of a misdiagnosis of MCAS and overlooking the underlying disease, which may be easily treatable. On the other hand, such an erroneous diagnosis can also lead to the use of unnecessary or potentially harmful therapies for MCAS and supposed comorbidities (20). Shortly after publication of the review paper "Doctor, I Think I Am Suffering from MCAS: Differential Diagnosis and Separating Facts from Fiction" by Valent et al. a self claimed affected person started an online petition in which she demands the authors and the publishing Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology to remove the article (55). Among other things, they criticize the criterion of the tryptase increase, which is too harsh and would therefore prevent many patients from being diagnosed. The clinic also does not typically manifest as anaphylaxis, contrary to what is described in the paper, since mediator release in anaphylactic degranulation differs from that in piecemeal degranulation. Finally, the author of the petition, who sees herself as a "patient spokesperson", reports on personal experiences of frustration and feelings of frustration and rejection that were conveyed to her by doctors in the course of her medical history. The petition has so far reached just under 3,000 of the targeted 5,000 digital signatures (as of December 2020) and shows in particular how emotional the issue of the topic of MCAS is being observed and discussed not only in professional circles, but also among patients. Apparently, some patients find the diagnosis of MCAS to be the last explanation for their multiple non-specific symptoms and hope for more acceptance in scientific circles.
2.3.5.3 Difficulties in making a diagnosis
In recent years, despite the existence of consensus criteria, a (suspected) diagnosis is often made in practice, even though these criteria are insufficiently fulfilled. In some cases, the MCAS diagnosis is also increasingly used for otherwise inexplicable conditions that cannot otherwise be explained. The evaluation of symptoms without a known direct connection with the release of mast cell mediators, for example from the neurological or psychiatric spectrum, as a manifestation of the disease leads to a further dilution of the MCAS diagnosis (43). In the "Bonn" questionnaire, the vast majority of the items asked are not based on the consensus criteria formulated by Valent et al. for example they see the sonographic evidence of an enlarged liver as an indication of the disease (53). The measurement of a tryptase elevation in acute relapse, as required by the diagnostic criteria is difficult to implement in practice, whether for reasons of time, capacity or billing. Targeted therapy trials with maximum specificity with regard to all possible decisive mediators are not possible without prior measurement of urinary metabolites and, in the absence of criteria or measuring instruments often do not produce satisfactory results (43). Last but not least, the wide range of possible differential diagnoses, such as for example from the endocrinological, neurological, psychiatric or cardiovascular area, further complicates the diagnosis (43).
Translated with deep.l
https://refubium.fu-berlin.de/bitstream/handle/fub188/32749/diss_s.gu.pdf;jsessionid=A575C43E11977D2F576404BF69D6469C?sequence=3

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Having grown up in an evangelical-fundamentalist church myself, I do view fundamentalist Christianity as a major hindrance to societal progress.
Fundamentalist Christians, on average, as opposed to other Americans, are....

• significantly more likely to reject the theory of evolution
• way more likely to oppose (embryonic) stem cell research
• much more likely to think homosexuality should be discouraged and oppose legal equality for LGBTQ+ people
• way more likely to oppose abortion

Among global evangelical leaders 52% believe a wife must always obey her husband. https://scottjhiggins.com/52-of-the-worlds-evangelical-leaders-believe-a-wife-must-always-obey-her-husband/
And according to some polls conducted by evangelical Christians themselves, 20% of married evangelical women have experienced marital rape, compared to around 10-14% for the entire US.
https://baremarriage.com/2022/11/two-types-marital-rape-evangelicalism/
So overall, how big of a threat do you think fundamentalist Christianity poses to Americans and American democracy?
And given how the US seems to be the only wealthy, major, industrialized country with such a large percentage of fundamentalist religious people, what do you think can be done to achieve a more secular-oriented society in the US?

I don't really no where to start. I feel I've lost myself, consumed with anxiety and guilt and fear and regret and I fear, this new fear, that it's going to be the end of me if I don't start to get it out in some way, shape or form.
I guess I'll begin at the beginning...
​
I had a difficult childhood with fairly neglectful parents. A mother who openly expressed she never felt she really stepped into her mom shoes until she gave birth to my younger sister, who is three years younger than me. She is my only sibling. My mother told me when I was a kid that she "had to love me", but when my sister came around "she was finally a mother and over the moon", or simply "I always always wanted a girl". I'm not sure if this could be attributed to Post-partum depression, not that she ever researched that or was daignosed with it. That's probably just me trying to pardon my mother or something to the effect. She was 17 when she had me and I'm sure times were different then, my parents both were raised religious, father christian, mother mormon. Maybe their guilt. I ask myself why they brought me into this world if I wasn't wanted to begin with. Or, give me up for adoption to a set of guardians that would have loved me better. I know I was an accident and that's not what gets me down, I get that life be lifing and what happened happened. My difficulties stem from the feeling that my presence never gave my mother any sense of purpose, responsibility or love, or concern. She was emotionally unavailable to me virtually my entire life and I feel like that caused many issues later in my life and how I perceive myself and what I deserve. Coupled with the fact that my neglect met such extremes that I am frankly shocked that I was never picked up by child care services, maybe things were different in the 90's. I'm not sure, I was just a child then.
Much of my upbringing I didn't receive a lot of the things most people would consider essential. As a baby my crib was the sock drawer, then I grew large enough to have a closet, then slept on the floor of a walk-in closet, then I had a single bed from what I recall for maybe a year or maybe two years and I remember feeling metal springs poke me in the my ribs and I recall it being uncomfortable enough for me to move back to sleeping on the floor next to the ratty old used mattress my father found from who knows where. I remember feeling like I had to keep that secret, that the mattress they gave me was uncomfortable enough for me to sneak sleeping on the floor next to it. I think I was really afraid as coming across as ungrateful. My father came from a third world country, so the "gratefullness issue" was address frequently by my mom because "I don't have it even half as bad as what my father had to endure. And she was probably right. But it just silenced me ultimately, didn't put things into a mature context for me. I just learned that I can't complain about anything ever. Anyway, that trend didn't really change when I grew older. grade 9-10 I was sleeping on the living room couch so my sister could have privacy and a bedroom to exist in for herself - which I realize is important for an individual so I encouraged her to have the bedroom. Although I figured my parents expected me to do this for my sister regardless. I was okay with making sacrfices for those I love, it was instilled in me from a very very young age.
I do feel like my father took advantage of me in the form of labour as well, having to do custodial work with my father from 10pm to 3am, at two highschools I believe he was contracted, at that young age I honestly enjoyed just spending time with my father I think, working alongside him. When I was in grade 2 and 3 I had garbage bag duty for all the students bathrooms, and I remember loving snapping the bags open by rushing air into the bag and making it blow up like a baloon. I remember the scary unlit shadowy hallways that I couldn't perceive the ends of. No bodies to see, it felt eerie but exciting in a way - like it was a whole different world.
School was a different experience for me. It was very stressful, my parents had to move a few times a year because they would dodge rent or just generally be selfish with their dual income. They loved to party hard on the weekends. I remember wondering why my father did this to himself all the time. Hoping that we could spend quality time on a saturday, but he wouldnt get out of bed until just before dinner. I didn't really understand hangovers or alcoholism and how it meant our plans would get cancelled. I think I remember trying to wrap my head around willful self-poisoning for entertainment and how could that be more enjoyable then spending time with your son? I couldn't tell my mother why I was so sad about it. Why I didn't want to move again and again and again. Why I found it so difficult to make new friends everytime I had to switch schools. Why I couldn't just do one single full school year with one class of students. It was so hard and at the time, I didn't know anything different. It was so hard to make friends and I think it created this approach to making a "new family" of friends when I became a teenager and young adult.
​
I remember always wanting to be a "good kid". The "best kid" for my parents. I feel like my parents attached this moniker to me that made things harder for me to mature into a rounded adult later in life. My parents always flaunted me as this point of accomplishment, the accomplishment that I was "so extremely well behaved". I would strive to be super polite, and a good host, try to help out when my parents had their friends over, literally fill their cups when the opportunity presented themselves. I think I did this because I must have made the conclusion that if I was quiet, super polite, helpful and useful then I had value. That I could be loved. That I could earn this love from my parents through acts of service.
I remember feeling like my sister and I had extremely different experiences growing up. When my parents were at work I took care of her, cleaned and cooked. one time my sister told my mom to eff off when she was 5 and I was 8. My mind was blown. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she had the bravery and courage to defy my mother. Looking back, my sister was just mirroring the language she learned from my parents from whenever they fought. I remembering seriously worrying and getting scared that my father was going to belt her, or use the coat hanger, which was his preference with me. I feel like my mom was always checked out and I'm hurt that she allowed my father to take his rage out on me. That my mom could care less about me being beat, but never my sibling. It was very confusing and difficult for me to process. Not that I really processed it much as a kid. I honestly just wanted to be loved and be the best child possible. Honestly though, 'm seriously so glad that my sister was spared all of that complete non-sense. I don't wish that on anyone in the world. There were some punishments where he would walk in and tell me to pull my pants down without explanation. I have memories of tearing up and saying I didn't know why this was happening, asking what I did wrong and he would just remind me that if I resisted then I would get it worse and to hurry up and get ready. My father has since apologized. I think it is how he was raised. I didn't know what to say in response, but I told him I loved him and it's in the past. But I don't know if I was being honest when I said that. My mother would still gaslight me to this day if any of this became topic of discussion, not that I'm guessing. A year ago she told me that much of my pained memories were false and this never happened. My father on the other hand typically stays pensive and unchallenging.
It seems so damned crazy writing all of this out, it feels like a heartbreaking novel and not my life at all. But it was and is my life. I have difficulties opening up and expressing my feelings and advocating for myself when the moments are true and appropriate to do so. I know it's the healthier way to communicate, but I was literally taught to stay quiet and be useful. Fast forward 20-25 years and I'm going to be 35 and I feel like just ending it all. Every year my birthday passes and I'll get a text from my family happy birthday. But they know I'm in a difficult place, they know I miss them, they know I love them and forgive them, I try the high road whenever I can but I just don't see the point anymore. they won't celebrate my life and existence, but they'll throw family gatherings for each other, birthdays, christmas, fathers day and mothers day.
On that note, another mother's day has recently passed and my mother never invited me over, I texted my father three weeks in advance in hopes of securing a time to come over and celebrate my mothers life with my family as a family. I felt particularly stung this mother's day when they celebrated and didn't text or call to invite me over. I live in the same small town so it's easy to hop over. I literally live three blocks away.
Anyway, my mother was diagnosed with cancer over christmas this year and I have been worrying for my mother ever since and thinking about my life with her and the mortal coil and the finite mount of time I may have with her. I feel like there is a large empty part in my heart that wishes my mother and I could go grab a coffee together. She can show me her ipad app art that she has been really excited about for a couple years now. She loves showing off her digital art and I love seeing her joy and how proud she is about her art. I just don't know why she couldn't feel the same for me, her only son. Maybe I'm just a her dissapointment.
I dropped out of highschool and left the family home when I was 16. I just couldn't work for my dad during the night AND go to highschool AND socialize. Something had to give. Unfortunately it was highschool and my parents didn't really care about that at all. They were just... fine with it. they supported my sister through college and she was fortunately able to graduate with a veterinary degree of sorts. she still lives with them now as she pays off her student debt, but I left and travelled and worked on music for over a decade so I admit that I was entirely out of the family picture for some time. But as I get older, not wanting to repeat the mistakes of my parents I fear that that is precisely what's been creeping up in my life.
five years ago I met the absolute most wonderful human being and I am so lucky to have my partner in my life. She and I are engaged now and set to be married. I hoped that the news would overwhelm my parents with excitement and joy. Maybe a facebook post about their son, share some family pictures or something. But they did nothing at all. I think they showed off pictures of the trip to Mexico that week instead.
I just don't really understand how I'm this unworthy of their love and unfortunately now I'm realizing that illusion that I am unworthy has infected my relationship with my fiance. I love her so much but when I can't fix everything in her life I feel like I am the failure and the guilt overhelms me so much and the guilt is such a strong motivator for me, and it usually motivates me into becoming the biggest doormat in the world. I've never worked harder for a relationship or invested this much energy. I feel she deserves it. But I don't advocate for myself. So I build up resentment. Like I clean the house constantly and work and help bail out of her bad spending habits and cover her rent without question and this and that. To be clear, she doesn't take advantage of me and that's not how I feel about it. But I do let this annoyance build up inside of me because I don't know how to communicate my feelings in a healthy way. I'm scared I'll lose the person if I speak up, or I'll be gaslit. Again, that's not my partner that gaslights. That's just generally how I feel I'll be treated if I open up with people. It all goes back to my childhood. It's affected every friendship and work relationship I've had since.
When I was 20-ish, 15 years years ago I did the classic, "seek the relationship that most comfortably fits into the patterns you experienced with your parents". And so I trapped myself in a horrific and extremely damaging relationship with a girl I'll call K. She has undiagnosed bipolaBPD, she would never seek help but self-medicate. She ended up in the hospital maybe four times for self-harming and this where she was considered to have these diseases by a few doctors on different occasions. Anway, it turned into a relationship of abuse and it wasn't exactly new territory for me. I was ashamed in that 8 year relationship. I wanted out so bad, but she would threaten to unalive everytime I tried to get away. Of course, some weeks would go by and i would get my hair pulled out of my scalp, a knife waving in the air in front of my face, spat in the face, kicked, punched, bit, a pot of freshly boiled ramen soup thrown in my face and eyes. What's worse is that I seeked police intervention on multiple occasions. Every single time the police visited, they talked me out of pressing charges, asking me " well if she doesn't have any place to go, then do you have a place you can stay at, or the shelter?". twice they talked me out of a restraining order, that legal proceedings would take forever. Adn de-escalting me from wanting to take measures to ensure my safety because she may end up on the street as a result. To this day, I absolutely wish I advocated for myself here and pushed for a restraining order. I'm so mad at myself for not doing so.
Unfortunately, fast forward a couple years into that relationship and one evening everything would finally hit the fan. I told her to never touch me again and I absolutely meant it. she had just yanked out the largest chunk of my hair to date, to the point where my scalp was bleeding and I could even see epidermal matter still attached to the folicle ends that were in her clenched fingers. My head bled a bit and I pushed her off of me. Telling her that I needed to leave, that I was walking to my secure jam space just a 10 minute walk away. It had a leather couch in a cold concrete basement, but hey at least I would be safe for the night and I could play my drums and try and blow off this anxiety and fear in a way that was safe albeit very noisy.
She hated that I wanted to leave and convinced herself I would never return. To be fair, that was the energy I had. I never wanted to see her face again and have her name on my lips after that night. So her tactic was simple, to threaten me with calling the cops and tell them that I violently pushed her. I called her bluff and said "go ahead and I will just tell them everything you've done - yet again. All I am doing is going to the space to sleep, I said, maybe play drums." She called the cops and told them she was pushed into a wall, and she felt very unsafe. Which yes, I did push her off me when she attacked me. In the past, I tried various tactics, to run away didn't work, she just always chased me down. Or sometimes I would just sit there while she was violent against me and I just "dissapeared" kind of like how I would when my dad used his coat hanger. This time, I just pushed her off of me, I was done with the relationship at that point and we both knew it. Anyway, she called the police, they arrived and when questioned I told them that I pushed her off of me in self-defence. I was drinking that night and it didn't help my case as I was arrested without question that evening and I was charged on the spot without question with domestic assault. It devasted me. I asked the police how this could happen lawfully. That she is an abuser and there is a history of this multiple times. That I've requested a restraining order. They explained that in quebec the laws are a little different and in the case domestic cases, if there is a male aggressor against a female, then the male is automatically charged to the fullest extent. I was absolutelyu devasted by this. I can't tell you the amount of fear and anger I felt in that jail cell that night.
I feel so incredibly betrayed by the justice system, keep in mind, this is law that from what I understand is only in Quebec, I was there for music at the time with an old friend whom I am no longer in contact with. I don't think the rest of the country operates under law in this way. Now I appreciate that they are vigilant about woman abuse victims, but the law shouldn't be this absurdly biased. It just doesnt feel just and fair to me. Covert abusers shouldn't be able to take advantage of the justice system in this way, but it happens.
It was an awful experience, I was homeless for a couple months afterward, not allowed to retrieve my belongings, so I lost all of my life "crap" that I had built up, years of hardwork and investment. I mention this because I realize later in life that I have intense collecting behaviour. maybe as a self-soothing behaviour. But I love building up collections of my hobby stuff as I have many and I feel they keep me regulated and it's a form of therapy for me. In any case, I lost everything when I left that whole situation. It sucks, although ultimately it's clearly best that I got out of that dreadful circumstance. I flew across the country to my hometown and to be closer to my family and old friends from highschool. It's quite a small town mind you.
Unfortunately, my classic tendency to hide and not advocate for myself created an opportunity for my abusive ex. A year following those events, despite me assuring her that I had to block her because I flew away to start a new life provinces away. That I wished her the best. That I even promised I would never tell a soul what she did to me. Not to mention that unfortunately we live in a society where nobody really has an ounce of sympathy for a male abuse victim. I had every intention to keep that promise, but she couldn't trust me ultimately. I think her logic was maybe to just beat her ex to "the punch". Kill or be killed or something like that. I don't live my life like that so I don't really know what her plan was. But she made a bunch of posts on various social media platforms for all of our mutual friends, music friends, coworkers etc. that the relationship was over and she was free. That she got out of a cycle of abuse and she was ready to start a new chapter of her life. She never used my name, just that she was glad she got away from her toxic and abusive ex once and for all.
It was exactly like that night a year prior, she threatened me with this outcome she could design for me, and I called her on her bluff by saying I was still going to block her and I can't control what she does with her life or how she conducts herself, but that I was out and to never contact me ever again. She made me regret that decision.
The posts she made that day got so many likes and support from so many of our mutual friends, even musician mates that were closer to me than her, and it absolutely destroyed me, not just internally but socially. I no longer make music anymore and it hurts to go outside into the world because it feels like everybody sees me as this monster. And still I don't have a voice to inform anyone otherwise - except my family and my fiance. I have no friends anymore. They all left my life with the belief that I did all of these horrible and awful things.
I just don't trust people anymore as a result and it's just caused me to become extremely bitter and depressed. I ruminate on the past, maybe in attempts to fix the past so I can move on. So I could do better, so I don't have to punish myself for my mistakes in the past. But it just reopens every emotional wound I have and they never get a chance to heal. That was maybe 7 years ago now and I'm still replaying these events in my head every single morning for about 1 - 2 hrs. Then I go completely numb for the majority of the rest of the day, shallow breathing, and the mildest sadness that mascarades as fatigue and disinterest.
There are some days where I seriously fear for the future and I just feel like every cruel soul will inherit this earth and that's the future, they built this world of suffering and they deserve to inherit it. Their toxic flag staked so deep into the earth in reclamation. The future isn't holding any seats for people like us. I'm so heartbroken and defeated. I feel like white-wolfing my fiance because she deserves better than this traumatized person that hides from the world. I feel like giving her my collection of collections so she can sell it all off and pay off her 10k of credit debt, then with this act of kindness I can go out not feeling like a guilt-ridden defeated loser. And leave on a high note.
When I'm alone, I get trapped in these ruminating cycles and it's the angriest I ever get. It's reached the point where I feel like I am actually reliving all this past trauma every morning and I can't do it anymore. I just feel like I am so at the end of whatever this ride was.
I don't have any friends anymore and everyone but my fiance thinks I am a monster and it's just unbearable.
I just don't even know. I am even afraid that someone will read this post and suss through all of this and make the connection. Then I'll get another new email or random throwaway account with an insta message that says "I told you you would never be able to get over me. You can move on, but you will never be able to erase the past. Never truly. You know where to find me."
It's haunting and it's poisonous. I just feel haunted and poisoned and I don't know if there is a snake oil potent enough or antitode true enough to get me back to the generous, lighthearted, energetic kid I once was.
To whoever was willing to read through all of this, thank you for hearing me out. I don't know what advice I am even asking for here. I'm hoping just speaking this out into the world in some way can alleviate this misery. I don't know.

Selling my personal collection. Over 800 Games. Sorry my bad english. Paypal ff. Free Shipping over $100. Sorry i know this list will hurt eyes. I don't have a computer to edit it well. More photos at request. Offers are welcome. Most of these Prices are based on Pricharting (sorry im lazy to put my prices for these 800 games) i would like to sell this has a lot but im from Puerto Rico so thats likely impossible.
https://imgur.com/a/ntp4d6Q
Nintendo Switch
13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim CIB+ 32.92 1971 Project Helios New 15.41 Boy and His Blob New 50.49 Little Golf Journey New 29.62 Robot Named Fight [Premium Edition] New 50.5 Adventure Time: Pirates of the Enchiridion New 25.68 AeternoBlade II New 35.5 Afterparty New 38 Aggelos New 38.22 AI: The Somnium Files CIB+ 60.5 AI: The Somnium Files CIB+ 60.5 AI: The Somnium Files - nirvanA Initiative CIB+ 40 Alex Kidd in Miracle World DX New 18.98 Alwa's Collection New 25.62 American Hero New 40.49 Ancestors Legacy New 24.07 Annapurna Interactive [Deluxe Limited Edition Collection] New 372.64 ANNO: Mutationem [Limited Run] New 69.5 Ape Out [Special Reserve] New 49.13 Ara Fell & Rise of the Third Power New 57.24 Arcade Spirits New 20 Archvale New 51.25 ARMS CIB+ 30.5 Ary and the Secret of Seasons New 12.52 Arzette: The Jewel of Faramore New 74.23 Assassin's Creed: The Rebel Collection CIB+ 17.48 Astalon: Tears of the Earth New 50.63 Astral Chain New 48.99 Astronite New 19.48 Atelier Ryza 2: Lost Legends & the Secret Fairy New 86.98 Atelier Ryza: Ever Darkness and the Secret Hideout CIB+ 49.5 Atelier Ryza: Ever Darkness and the Secret Hideout New 60.1 Attack on Titan 2: Final Battle New 74.23 Axiom Verge 1 & 2 Double Pack New 74.5 Azure Striker Gunvolt 3 New 48.5 Azure Striker Gunvolt: Striker Pack CIB+ 25.79 Balan Wonderworld New 11.77 Baldur's Gate and Baldur's Gate II: Enhanced Editions New 140.05 Battle Chef Brigade Deluxe CIB+ 32.61 Battle Princess Madelyn: Royal Edition New 52.88 Bayonetta New 40.76 Bayonetta 2 CIB+ 35.5 Bayonetta 3 New 34.67 Bayonetta Origins: Cereza and the Lost Demon New 32.5 Black Bird New 55.5 Blade Runner: Enhanced Edition New 48.72 Blasphemous CIB+ 108.49 Blaster Master Zero New 44.14 Blaster Master Zero II New 40.49 Blaster Master Zero III New 34.5 Blazing Beaks New 30.02 Blazing Chrome CIB+ 65.92 Bloodrayne 1 & 2: Revamped Dual Pack w/ Slipcover New 100.47 BloodRayne Betrayal: Fresh Bites New 40.49 Bloodstained: Curse Of The Moon 2 New 28.49 Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night New 21.23 Blossom Tales II: The Minotaur Prince New 46.48 Blossom Tales: The Sleeping King CIB+ 150.47 Blue Fire CIB+ 28.49 Blue Reflection: Second Light New 59.83 Bomb Chicken CIB+ 38.14 Bravely Default II New 29.4 BROFORCE [SWITCH RESERVE] New 53.82 Bug Fables: The Everlasting Sapling New 55.93 Bugsnax CIB+ 30.77 Burnout Paradise Remastered CIB+ 14.98 BUTCHER New 36.9 Cannon Dancer: Osman New 54 Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker CIB+ 30.49 Captain Tsubasa: Rise of New Champions New 26.09 Card Shark Collector's Edition New 47.5 Carrion: Special Reserve Edition New 50.6 Castlevania Anniversary Collection New 50.49 Cat Girl Without Salad: Amuse-Bouche New 40.97 Cat Quest + Cat Quest II: Pawsome Pack New 49.5 Cathedral New 66.91 Cave Story+ CIB+ 34.49 Celeste New 62.39 Chicken Police - Paint it RED! CIB+ 13.25 Children of Morta CIB+ 22.09 Children of Zodiarcs New 44.77 Citizens Unite! Earth X Space New 29.49 Coffee Talk New 42.15 COGEN: Sword of Rewind & Gunvolt Chronicles: Luminous Avenger iX 2 Double Pack New 80.48 Collar X Malice New 30.49 Collection of Mana New 25.5 Contra Anniversary Collection New 41.45 Contra Anniversary Collection New 41.45 Cooking Mama: Cookstar New 36.11 Corpse Killer: 25th Anniversary Edition New 42.7 Cosmo Dreamer & Like Dreamer: Double-D Collection New 25.00 Cris Tales New 13.99 Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII Reunion CIB+ 29 CrossCode New 52.99 Crossing Souls - Special Reserve New 40.00 Cruis'n Blast New 20.48 Crystal Crisis New 31.52 Cthulhu Saves Christmas New 45.17 Cult of the Lamb [Special Reserve] New 72.48 Dandara: Trials of Fear Edition CIB+ 41.29 Dark Devotion New 45.49 Darksiders Genesis CIB+ 18 Darkwood CIB+ 108.46 DARQ: Complete Edition New 38.97 Dawn of the Monsters New 50.36 Dead Cells: Return to Castlevania Edition New 32.01 Dead or School New 52.03 Deadly Premonition 2: A Blessing in Disguise CIB+ 16.77 Deadly Premonition Origins New 38.03 Death end re;Quest New 41.97 Death Road to Canada New 40 Death's Door [Special Reserve] New 33.03 Death's Gambit: Afterlife New 38.72 Demon Throttle [Reserve Edition] New 25.25 Demon Throttle [Reserve Edition] New 25.25 Demon Turf New 40.82 Demon's Tilt New 44.5 Deponia Collection New 83.14 Dex New 48.38 Diablo III: Eternal Collection New 25.77 Digimon Survive New 20.95 Dimension Drive [Limited Edition] New 65.48 Disaster Report 4: Summer Memories CIB+ 25.5 DISC ROOM [SWITCH RESERVE] New 38.69 Disgaea 5 Complete New 39.5 Disney Classic Games: Aladdin and the Lion King New 18.29 Disney Tsum Tsum Festival New 26.55 DISTRAINT Collection New 33.76 Divinity: Original Sin II - Definitive Edition New 180.49 Dodgeball Academia New 19.5 DoDonPachi Resurrection New 55.38 Doki Doki Literature Club Plus! New 30.49 Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze CIB+ 32.97 DOOM CIB+ 28.9 Doom 64 New 45.45 DOOM Eternal New 89 DOOM: The Classics Collection New 50.5 Double Dragon & Kunio-Kun Retro Brawler Bundle New 52.83 Double Dragon IV New 33.97 Double Dragon: Neon New 50.49 Downwell [Special Reserve Edition] New 75 Double Switch: 25th Anniversary Edition New 55.89 Dragon Ball Z: Kakarot + A New Power Awakens Set New 30.8 Dragon Quest Treasures New 29.53 Dragon Quest XI S: Echoes of an Elusive Age - Definitive Edition New 46.97 Dragon Star Varnir New 45.49 Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen CIB+ 24.74 Dragon's Lair Trilogy New 144.25 DRAINUS New 63.39 Dreamscaper New 44.72 Dusk New 44.49 Eastward CIB+ 20.3 Eldest Souls New 45.5 Elliot Quest New 28.48 Enclave HD New 52.67 Ender Lilies: Quietus of the Knights New 63.97 Endling - Extinction is Forever New 25.76 Epic Chef New 15.57 Espgaluda II New 60.27 Fairy Fencer F: Advent Dark Force New 48.41 FAR: Lone Sails New 49.69 Fast RMX New 71.73 Fatal Twelve New 44.49 Fault Milestone One New 28.49 Fight'N Rage New 45.49 FINAL FANTASY VII & VIII REMASTERED TWIN PACK CIB+ 37.63 Final Fantasy X / X-2 HD Remaster New 51.33 Final Fantasy XII: The Zodiac Age New 31.61 Fire Emblem Engage New 35.07 Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Hopes New 20.17 Fire Emblem: Three Houses New 45.45 Flinthook New 45.49 Flipping Death CIB+ 28.39 Foretales New 19.29 Forgotton Anne CIB+ 35.49 Fran Bow New 111.48 Freedom Finger CIB+ 77.4 Freedom Planet New 57.39 Furi CIB+ 48.64 Gal Metal: World Tour Edition CIB+ 17.69 Garden Story New 46.5 Gato Roboto [Special Reserve Edition] New 55.49 Ghost 1.0 + Unepic Collection: Standard Edition New 80.5 Ghost of a Tale New 66.61 Going Under New 37.47 Golf Story New 82.75 Gotta Protectors: Cart of Darkness New 45.35 Grandia HD Collection New 82.51 GrimGrimoire OnceMore [Deluxe Edition] New 42.33 GRIS [Limited Special Reserve] CIB+ 85.25 Guacamelee! One-Two Punch Collection CIB+ 87.57 Gunbrick: Reloaded New 24.68 Gunlord X New 107.79 Guns, Gore & Cannoli 1 & 2 New 105.28 Gunvolt Chronicles: Luminous Avenger iX New 84.5 Gyakuten Saiban 123: Naruhodo Selection New 41.49 Hades New 39.19 Haven New 45.49 Heaven's Vault New 32.15 Hero Must Die. Again New 56.5 Heroland Knowble Edition New 18.63 Hollow Knight CIB+ 31.5 Horgihugh and Friends New 28.18 Hot Wheels Unleashed New 22.03 Hotline Miami Collection [Special Reserve] New 54.36 Hyper Light Drifter [Special Edition] New 72.29 Hyrule Warriors: Definitive Edition CIB+ 49.69 Ib New 55.46 Ikenfell New 42.56 Immortals Fenyx Rising New 15.22 In Sound Mind: Deluxe Edition New 21.81 Indivisible New 19.41 Infernax New 50.5 Inscryption [Special Reserve] New 283.5 Ion Fury New 35.35 ITTA CIB+ 45.74 ITTA [Steelbook Edition] New 65.84 Ittle Dew 2+ New 43.45 Jamestown+ New 50.98 Joe Dever's Lone Wolf New 65.54 Katamari Damacy REROLL New 23.45 Katanakami New 42.3 Kaze and the Wild Masks New 32.44 KeyWe New 25.49 Killer Queen Black New 16.13 King's Bounty II New 17.85 Kingdom Hearts: Melody of Memory New 20.59 Kingdoms of Amalur: Re-Reckoning CIB+ 19.98 Kirby and the Forgotten Land CIB+ 37.97 Knights and Bikes New 45.49 Kotodama: The 7 Mysteries of Fujisawa New 19.45 KUNAI New 40.5 L.A. Noire CIB+ 29.99 Lair of the Clockwork God New 39.13 Layers of Fear: Legacy New 147.86 LEGO Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga New 20.48 Little Nightmares II CIB+ 20.75 Live A Live CIB+ 26.42 Lonely Mountains: Downhill SRG#46 New 86.79 Loop Hero CIB+ 35.47 Loop Hero [Collectors Edition] New 80.75 Love Esquire [Limited Edition] New 90.5 LoveKami Trilogy New 45.87 Luigi's Mansion 3 CIB+ 33.25 Lumines Remastered New 32.5 LUNARK New 49.52 Mario + Rabbids Sparks of Hope CIB+ 15.42 Mario + Rabbids: Kingdom Battle CIB+ 12.5 Mario Kart 8 Deluxe New 38.35 Mario Party: Superstars CIB+ 39.5 Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3: The Black Order New 41.5 Mary Skelter 2 New 45.49 Mary Skelter: Finale New 49.39 Mato Anomalies New 19.73 Mega Man 11 New 20.48 Mega Man Zero/ZX Legacy Collection CIB+ 24.5 Megadimension Neptunia VII New 45.5 Metroid Dread CIB+ 35.34 Metroid Prime Remastered New 34.34 Mighty Gunvolt Burst New 44.45 Mighty Switch Force! Collection CIB+ 45.49 Ministry of Broadcast New 26.72 Minoria New 50.47 Miracle Snack Shop [Limited Edition] New 35.00 Moero Chronicle Hyper New 90.35 Moero Crystal H New 50.77 Momodora: Reverie Under the Moonlight New 71.68 MONARK Deluxe Edition New 37 Monster Boy and the Cursed Kingdom New 78.59 Monster Hunter Generations Ultimate New 42.69 Monster Hunter Rise CIB+ 15.49 Monster Hunter Stories 2: Wings of Ruin New 31.49 Monster Sanctuary New 58.46 Monstrum New 38.5 Mother Russia Bleeds [Special Reserve] New 59.25 Mother Russia Bleeds [Special Reserve] New 59.25 Ms. Splosion Man CIB+ 31.98 Mulaka New 60.00 Murder By Numbers Collectors Edition New 80.36 Mushihimesama New 60.7 My Friend Pedro [Special Reserve Edition] New 79.7 Narita Boy New 45.55 NEO: The World Ends With You CIB+ 20.5 NeoGeo Pocket Color Selection Vol. 1 New 43.06 Neon Abyss New 42.38 Neversong & Pinstripe CIB+ 37.5 New Pokémon Snap CIB+ 31.81 New Super Lucky's Tale New 33.59 New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe New 39.5 Ni no Kuni II: Revenant Kingdom - Prince's Edition New 18.14 Ni no Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch New 26.5 NieR: Automata - The End of YoRHa Edition New 39.5 Night in the Woods New 59.92 Night Trap: 25th Anniversary Edition New 56.06 Ninja Gaiden: Master Collection New 50.42 No Man's Sky CIB+ 26.25 No More Heroes CIB+ 40.5 No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle CIB+ 35.92 No More Heroes III CIB+ 15.5 Ocean's Heart New 53.33 Octahedron New 45.43 Octopath Traveler New 52.43 Octopath Traveler II New 39.99 Oddworld - Collection New 36.25 à Œkami HD New 32.99 One Step From Eden New 34.15 Oniken + Odallus Collection New 36.51 Opus Collection CIB+ 22.49 Ori: The Collection New 28.97 Othercide New 32.45 Outlast: Bundle of Terror / Outlast 2 CIB+ 277.52 Overlord: Escape from Nazarick New 35.97 Owlboy CIB+ 16.48 Oxenfree New 99.53 Panzer Dragoon New 40.5 Panzer Paladin New 48.13 Paper Mario: The Origami King CIB+ 36.5 Pathway New 27.6 Phoenotopia: Awakening [Premium Edition] New 114.25 Pikmin 3 Deluxe CIB+ 39.75 Pikmin 4 New 42.79 Piofiore: Fated Memories New 27.95 PixelJunk Eden 2 New 25.49 Pocky & Rocky Reshrined New 25.49 Pokémon Brilliant Diamond CIB+ 32.75 Pokémon Legends: Arceus New 41.19 Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Rescue Team DX CIB+ 40.5 Pokémon Sword CIB+ 30.26 Pokémon Violet New 44.5 Pokémon: Let's Go, Pikachu! CIB+ 35.47 Postal Redux New 25.5 PowerSlave: Exhumed New 65.06 Prinny Presents NIS Classics Volume 2 [Deluxe Edition] New 43.99 Prodeus New 40.67 Project Warlock New 67.14 Puyo Puyo Tetris New 17.5 Q.U.B.E. 2 New 51.32 Quake New 38.49 Radiant Silvergun New 58.09 Rainbow Billy: The Curse of the Leviathan New 23.82 Razion EX New 137.71 realMyst: Masterpiece Edition New 78.08 République: Anniversary Edition New 35.49 Return of the Obra Dinn New 58.18 Return to Monkey Island CIB+ 43.09 Return to Shironagasu Island CIB+ 28.5 Risk of Rain 2 New 14.7 River City Girls CIB+ 80.23 River City Girls 2 New 50.5 River City Girls [PAX Variant] New 142.6 River City Girls Zero New 44.49 River City: Rival Showdown New 30.49 Rogue Heroes: Ruins of Tasos CIB+ 46.5 Roki CIB+ 39.07 Rolling Sky Collection CIB+ 20.00 Root Film New 34.09 RUINER [SWITCH RESERVE] New 54.47 Rune Factory 3 Special New 23.41 Rune Factory 3 Special New 23.41 Rune Factory 4 Special [Archival Edition] New 153.5 Sakuna: Of Rice and Ruin New 27.5 Sally Face [Deluxe Edition] New 224.81 Sam & Max Save the World New 43.5 Sam & Max: Beyond Time and Space Remastered New 44 Samurai Jack: Battle Through Time New 70.48 Save me Mr Tako: Definitive Edition New 33.5 Scott Pilgrim vs. The World: The Game - Complete Edition New 32.49 Sea Horizon [Limited Edition] New 42.49 Sea of Solitude: The Director's Cut New 20.00 Seabed New 40.42 SeaBed [Limited Edition] New 135.38 Senran Kagura Reflexions New 129.74 Senren * Banka New 86.76 SENSEs: Midnight [Limited Edition] New 47.43 Serious Sam Collection [Switch Reserve] New 60.49 Seven Pirates H New 51.25 Seven Pirates H New 51.25 Seven Pirates H New 51.25 Shadow Man Remastered New 48.39 Shadowgate New 62.5 Shadowrun Trilogy New 56.64 Shadows of Adam New 34.49 Shadowverse: Champion's Battle New 21.95 Shantae New 39.34 Shantae and the Pirate's Curse New 381.21 Shantae and the Pirate's Curse Box 49.62 Shantae and the Seven Sirens New 50.2 Shantae: Half-Genie Hero [Ultimate Edition] New 38.2 Shantae: Risky's Revenge New 38.51 Shaq Fu: A Legend Reborn New 19.57 Shikhondo: Soul Eater New 34.44 Shin Megami Tensei III: Nocturne HD Remaster New 25.5 Shin Megami Tensei V New 22.38 Shin Megami Tensei V New 22.38 Shining Resonance Refrain [Draconic Launch Edition] New 48.6 Signalis New 32.03 Sine Mora EX New 23.02 Skelattack New 50.49 Slime-san New 43.74 Smile For Me New 46.94 SNK Heroines Tag Team Frenzy New 29.15 Sol Cresta: Dramatic Edition New 45.48 Sonic Colors Ultimate CIB+ 15.48 Sonic Frontiers CIB+ 21.62 Sonic Mania New 16.51 Spiritfarer New 28.95 Splatoon 2 CIB+ 19.67 Splatoon 3 New 43.99 Star Wars Pinball New 19.72 Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic New 60.49 Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II - The Sith Lords New 59.79 Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II - The Sith Lords New 59.79 Star Wars: Republic Commando New 26.45 Steel Assault New 48 Streets of Rage 4 New 33.45 Strife: Veteran Edition New 37.72 Subnautica + Subnautica: Below Zero New 32.49 Super Blood Hockey New 60.96 Super Bomberman R New 20.42 Super Mario 3D All-Stars CIB+ 82.33 Super Mario 3D World + Bowser's Fury CIB+ 39.5 Super Mario Bros. Wonder CIB 38.99 Super Mario Maker 2 CIB+ 30.48 Super Mario Odyssey New 39.59 Super Mario RPG New 39.93 Super Meat Boy New 38.5 Super Meat Boy Forever New 25.98 Super Monkey Ball Banana Mania New 13.48 Super Smash Bros. Ultimate CIB+ 38.74 Supraland New 33.75 Sushi Striker: The Way of Sushido New 12.17 Taiko no Tatsujin Rhythm Festival New 15.5 Tails of Iron [Crimson Knight Edition] New 42.89 Tales of Vesperia: Definitive Edition New 30.41 Tandem: A Tale of Shadows New 20.48 Terraria New 24.66 Caligula Effect 2 New 56.3 Caligula Effect: Overdose New 61.95 DioField Chronicle CIB+ 25.46 Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim CIB+ 35.31 Falconeer: Warrior Edition New 18.88 Friends Of Ringo Ishikawa New 26.73 Great Ace Attorney Chronicles CIB+ 30.98 Knight Witch Deluxe Edition New 32.07 Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel III - Extracurricular Edition CIB+ 31.77 Legend of Tianding New 51.61 Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild CIB+ 34 Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening CIB+ 32.57 Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword HD CIB+ 31.24 Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom New 47.46 Letter: A Horror Visual Novel [Limited Edition] New 73.75 The Messenger [Special Reserve Games Edition] New 280.00 Missing CIB+ 35.5 Mummy Demastered New 57.71 Red Lantern New 58.5 RED STRINGS CLUB [SWITCH RESERVE] New 38.5 Silver Case 2425 Deluxe Edition CIB 35.5 TakeOver New 47.41 Talos Principle New 51.62 Touryst New 68.88 Wonderful 101: Remastered New 23.5 World Ends with You: Final Remix New 53.95 There Is No Game: Wrong Dimension New 53.51 Thumper New 45.45 Time on Frog Island CIB+ 17.43 Timespinner [Limited Run] CIB+ 77.28 Tiny Barbarian DX New 33.97 To The Moon New 67.98 ToeJam & Earl: Back in the Groove! CIB+ 49.86 Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE Encore New 66.72 Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE Encore New 66.72 TowerFall New 45.5 Transistor CIB+ 61.01 Travis Strikes Again: No More Heroes CIB+ 24.99 Treasures Of The Aegean New 17.98 Triangle Strategy New 37.47 Trigger Witch New 34.59 Trigger Witch - Limited Edition New 57.66 Trover Saves the Universe New 37.76 Turok / Turok 2: Seeds of Evil New 167.4 Twin Blades of the Three Kingdoms New 50.5 Two Point Hospital New 26.5 UnderMine New 51.08 Unravel Two CIB+ 18.35 Unreal Life New 39.15 Unsighted New 47.2 Untitled Goose Game New 22.45 Valfaris New 39.64 Valis: The Fantasm Soldier Collection New 70.61 Valis: The Fantasm Soldier Collection II New 50.5 Valkyria Chronicles 4 New 66.81 Very Very Valet New 17.77 Wandersong CIB+ 33.99 Warborn New 16.6 Warhammer 40,000: Mechanicus CIB+ 21 WarioWare: Get it Together! CIB+ 24.55 West of Dead New 39.1 Wizard of Legend New 62.66 Wonder Boy: The Dragon's Trap New 39.14 World Of Simulators New 45 Wreckfest New 25.5 Wulverblade New 68.83 Xenoblade Chronicles 2 Loose 42.6 Xenoblade Chronicles 2 CIB+ 48.49 Xenoblade Chronicles 2: Torna the Golden Country New 58.45 Xenoblade Chronicles 3 New 39.49 Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition New 45.5 Xtreme Sports New 50.5 Yoku's Island Express CIB+ 35.5 Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair New 35.5 Yoshi's Crafted World CIB+ 36.75 Young Souls New 34.49 Yu-Gi-Oh! Legacy of the Duelist: Link Evolution CIB+ 17.69 Yuppie Psycho: Executive Edition (Elite Edition) New 45.49 Yurukill: The Calumniation Games (Deluxe Edition) New 20.73 Zombies Ate My Neighbors and Ghoul Patrol New 40.09
PS4
88 Antarctica New 45.00 Antartica 88 [Variant Cover] New 185.5 Deadpool CIB+ 76.33 Deadpool CIB+ 76.33 Death Park New 75.48 Death Park New 75.48 Death Park New 75.48 Death Park New 75.48 Digimon Survive New 16.55 Divinity: Original Sin II - Definitive Edition New 71 Doki Doki Literature Club Plus! New 21.17 Helldivers [Super-Earth Ultimate Edition] CIB+ 62.97 Minecraft: Story Mode - A Telltale Games Series - The Complete Adventure CIB+ 58.41 Outriders: Worldslayer New 18.48 Revenge of The Bird King New 31.99 Saints Row: The Third Remastered New 15.1 Senran Kagura Burst Re:Newal [At the Seams Edition] New 60.49 Senran Kagura Burst Re:Newal [Tailor Made Edition] New 47.99 Senran Kagura: Peach Beach Splash (No Shirt, No Shoes, All Service Edition) New 71.5 Shadow Warrior 2 [Special Reserve Edition] New 235.52 Super Perils of Baking Special Edition [SEGA Outerbox] New 200.5 Swords of Ditto: Mormo's Curse [Special Reserve Edition] New 47.1 Tamashii New 734.39 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutants in Manhattan CIB+ 51.58 Valkyria Chronicles Remastered Steelbook Edition New 30.45
Vita
2064: Read Only Memories New 67.97 88 Heroes New 40.6 99Vidas New 125.97 Hole New World New 48.82 Rose in the Twilight New 192 Winter's Daydream [Limited Edition] New 64.1 Aegis of Earth: Protonovus Assault New 26.49 Akiba's Beat New 30.25 Akiba's Trip: Undead & Undressed CIB+ 25.49 Alone With You New 38.5 Angry Birds Star Wars New 20.48 Another World: 20th Anniversary Edition New 40.49 Antiquia Lost New 34.75 Aqua Kitty: Milk Mine Defender DX New 51.5 Army Corps of Hell New 23.99 Asdivine Hearts New 35.46 Astro Aqua Kitty [Limited Edition] New 64.7 Atari Flashback Classics New 60.61 Atelier Escha & Logy Plus: Alchemists of the Dusk Sky (Limited Edition) New 168.49 Awesome Pea Collection [Limited Edition] CIB+ 40.1 Axiom Verge Multiverse Edition New 56.56 Back in 1995 [Limited Edition] New 191.4 Bard's Gold New 33 Bastion New 64.16 Batman: Arkham Origins Blackgate CIB+ 23.67 Bit.Trip Presents...Runner2: Future Legend of Rhythm Alien New 33.49 Bit.Trip Presents...Runner2: Future Legend of Rhythm Alien New 33.49 Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon New 118.23 Borderlands 2 CIB+ 23.49 Breach & Clear New 308.01 Broken Age New 33.77 Bunny Must Die: Chelsea and the 7 Devils New 95 Call of Duty: Black Ops Declassified CIB+ 22.29 Call of Duty: Black Ops Declassified Loose 18.98 Chaos;Child New 45.61 Chasm CIB+ 60.49 Child of Light CIB+ 24.56 Claire: Extended Cut CIB+ 35.17 Code:Realize - Future Blessings Loose 14.9 Code:Realize - Guardian of Rebirth New 25.5 Code:Realize - Guardian of Rebirth Loose 14.2 Conga Master Go! [Limited Edition] New 51.83 Corpse Party: Blood Drive New 58.77 Cosmic Star Heroine CIB+ 43.25 Criminal Girls 2: Party Favors CIB+ 74.09 Criminal Girls: Invite Only CIB+ 54.49 Croixleur Sigma New 40.49 Cursed Castilla EX [Limited Edition] New 60.5 Curses 'N Chaos New 38.72 Damascus Gear: Operation Osaka New 40.51 Damascus Gear: Operation Tokyo New 41 Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair Loose 19.41 Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair Loose 19.41 Danganronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls New 31.5 Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony CIB+ 58.89 Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc CIB+ 25.97 Dariusburst: Chronicle Saviours New 47.38 Deadbolt New 42.44 Death Mark CIB+ 23.22 Death Tales [Limited Edition] New 40.4 Deemo: The Last Recital New 34.22 Defender's Quest: Valley of the Forgotten New 37.86 Demon Gaze Loose 22.22 Demon Gaze CIB+ 25.81 Demon Gaze II New 74.66 Demon's Tier+ [Limited Edition] CIB+ 55.49 Dengeki Bunko: Fighting Climax CIB+ 25.5 Devious Dungeon - Limited Edition CIB+ 67.38 Devious Dungeon 2 [Limited Edition] New 84.5 Digimon Story: Cyber Sleuth CIB+ 65.9 Disgaea 4: A Promise Revisited CIB+ 25.49 Dokuro New 52.94 Dragon Fantasy: The Black Tome of Ice New 34.5 Dragon Fantasy: The Volumes of Westeria New 40.49 Dragon Sinker: Descendants of Legend New 35.5 Dungeon Travelers 2: The Royal Library & The Monster Seal CIB+ 53 Dynasty Warriors: Next Loose 16.66 Earth Defense Force 2: Invaders from Planet Space New 28.19 EMMA: Lost in Memories [Limited Edition] New 52.49 Exile's End New 39.65 Exist Archive: The Other Side of The Sky Loose 18.48 Fate/Extella: The Umbral Star Noble Phantasm Edition New 46.26 Fernz Gate New 30.69 Final Fantasy X / X-2 HD Remaster Loose 25.49 Final Fantasy X-2 HD Remaster New 61.19 Forma.8 New 32.5 Freedom Wars CIB+ 13.48 Furwind [Limited Edition] CIB+ 40.5 Futuridium EP Deluxe New 45.97 Gal*Gun: Double Peace CIB+ 32.34 Ghoulboy [Limited Edition] New 160.5 God of War Collection New 74.75 Grand Kingdom New 47.6 Gravity Rush CIB+ 44.5 Guacamelee! New 70.48 Guard Duty [Limited Edition] CIB+ 47.38 Gundemoniums New 84.18 Gunhouse New 30.38 Habroxia New 129.94 Habroxia 2 [Limited Edition] New 65.5 Halloween Forever [Limited Edition] New 74.5 Home: A Unique Horror Adventure New 35.92 Horizon Chase Turbo [Limited Edition] New 76.81 Hot Shots Golf: World Invitational New 26.19 HtoL#NiQ The Firefly Diary: Limited Edition New 59.25 Hue New 40.5 Hyperdevotion Noire: Goddess Black Heart CIB+ 35.5 Hyperdimension Neptunia PP: Producing Perfection CIB+ 35.97 Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth1 CIB+ 47.01 Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth1 CIB+ 47.01 Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth2: Sisters Generation CIB+ 60.49 Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth2: Sisters Generation CIB+ 60.49 Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth3: V Generation CIB+ 55.95 Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth3: V Generation CIB+ 55.95 Hyperdimension Neptunia U: Action Unleashed CIB+ 43.81 Iconoclasts New 96.5 Indigo 7 : Quest for Love New ? Jak and Daxter Collection CIB+ 50.49 Jet Set Knights [Limited Edition] New 100.5 Jet Set Knights [Limited Edition] New 100.5 Just Ignore them + My Big Sister Collection New 60.49 Kawaii Deathu Desu New 45.5 Killzone: Mercenary Loose 24.49 Killzone: Mercenary CIB+ 32.68 Knightin' + [Limited Edition] New 60.45 Knytt Underground New 128.14 La-Mulana Ex New 38.03 LEGO Batman 2: DC Super Heroes Loose 11.33 LEGO Jurassic World CIB+ 13.44 LEGO Ninjago: Shadow of Ronin Loose 17.12 LEGO Star Wars: The Force Awakens New 28.75 LEGO Star Wars: The Force Awakens Loose 12.21 LEGO The Lord of the Rings Loose 10.49 Lone Survivor: The Director's Cut New 42.49 Luckslinger [Limited Edition] New 60.41 Lumines: Electronic Symphony New 18.61 Mary Skelter: Nightmares CIB+ 92.87 MegaTagmension Blanc + Neptune VS Zombies New 37.58 MeiQ: Labyrinth of Death CIB+ 25.39 Mercenary Kings: Reloaded Edition [Limited Edition] New 106.71 Metagal [Limited Edition] CIB+ 100.35 Metal Gear Solid HD Collection CIB+ 46.49 Metal Slug 3 New 115.48 Mind Zero CIB+ 20.48 Mooseman [Limited Edition] New 119.05 Mortal Kombat CIB+ 26.99 MotoGP 13 CIB+ 23.83 MUSYNX New 50.49 Muv-Luv New 53.36 Muv-Luv Alternative New 66.95 Muv-Luv Complete Set New 90.5 My Aunt is a Witch [Limited Edition] New 55.5 Mystery Chronicle: One Way Heroics New 27.94 Need for Speed: Most Wanted - A Criterion Game CIB+ 20.32 Neurovoider New 35.5 Nicole [Limited Edition] New 48.22 Night Trap: 25th Anniversary Edition New 58.99 Nova-111 New 28.67 Nurse Love Addiction New 59.18 Nurse Love Syndrome New 50.49 Nurse Love Syndrome Loose 15.49 Oceanhorn: Monster of Uncharted Seas New 52 Octodad: Dadliest Catch New 46.36 Oddworld: Abe's Oddysee - New 'n' Tasty New 149.5 Oddworld: Munch's Oddysee HD New 52.5 Oddworld: Stranger's Wrath HD New 69.73 Odin Sphere Leifthrasir CIB+ 72.45 Odin Sphere Leifthrasir Loose 70.5 One More Dungeon CIB+ 60 Operation Abyss: New Tokyo Legacy CIB+ 31.5 Oreshika: Tainted Bloodlines New 93 Pantsu Hunter: Back to the 90s New 156.5 Papers, Please New 115.47 Pato Box [Limited Edition] New 73.23 Penny-Punching Princess New 45.41 Period: Cube - Shackles of Amadeus New 54.65 Persona 4 Golden Loose 25.37 Persona 4 Golden New 61.12 Persona 4: Dancing All Night - Disco Fever Edition New 145.5 Phantom Breaker: Battle Grounds New 53.5 Pix the Cat New 28.84 Plague Road New 43.4 PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale New 31.74 Proteus New 36.49 Psychedelica of the Ashen Hawk New 51.5 Psychedelica of the Ashen Hawk New 51.5 Psychedelica of the Black Butterfly CIB+ 33.57 Psycho-Pass Mandatory Happiness CIB+ 28.99 Pushy and Pully in Block Land New 70.45 Rabi-Ribi New 93.59 Rainbow Moon New 44.89 Ray Gigant New 102.84 Rayman Legends Loose 17.37 Rayman Origins CIB+ 16.71 Retro City Rampage DX [Re-Release] New 35.00 Revenant Dogma New 35.36 Revenant Saga New 29.44 Reverie [Limited Edition] CIB+ 43.49 Riddled Corpses EX New 40.49 Risk of Rain New 38 Rock Boshers DX New 29.34 Rocketbirds 2: Evolution New 55.5 Rocketbirds: Hardboiled Chicken New 43.2 Root Double [Xtend Edition] New 53.5 Root Letter New 46.11 Salt and Sanctuary New 100.49 Salt and Sanctuary New 100.49 Saturday Morning RPG New 50.49 Sayonara Umihara Kawase++ New 67.33 ScourgeBringer [Limited Edition] New 59.97 ScourgeBringer [Limited Edition] New 59.97 Senran Kagura Shinovi Versus: Let's Get Physical Edition New 115.5 Senran Kagura: Bon Appétit! New 150.44 Senran Kagura: Bon Appétit! Full Course - Collector's Edition New 185.13 Senran Kagura: Estival Versus Endless Summer Edition New 115.48 Sense: A Cyberpunk Ghost Story New 155.5 Severed [Limited Edition] New 100.81 Shakedown: Hawaii CIB+ 36.85 Shantae: Half-Genie Hero CIB+ 37.5 Shinobido 2: Revenge of Zen CIB+ 38.67 Shovel Knight New 96.49 Sid Meier's Civilization Revolution 2+ CIB+ 76.26 Silent Hill: Book of Memories CIB+ 76.38 Sir Eatsalot [Limited Edition] CIB+ 53.08 Siralim New 50.5 Siralim 2 New 30.49 Skullgirls: 2nd Encore New 52.81 Sky Force Anniversary New 75.48 Slain: Back From Hell [Signature Edition] New 76.5 Sly Cooper Collection CIB+ 52.27 Smart as... CIB+ 9.67 Soldner-X 2: Final Prototype New 44.12 Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed CIB+ 23.56 Sorcery Saga: Curse of the Great Curry God [Limited edition] New 80.5 Soul Sacrifice CIB+ 17.36 Soul Sacrifice Delta New 105.5 Spelunky New 70.5 Spy Hunter CIB+ 24.31 Stay [Limited Edition] New 130.5 Stealth Inc: A Clone in the Dark (Ultimate Edition) New 29.13 SteamWorld Dig New 55.72 SteamWorld Heist New 52.97 Steins;Gate CIB+ 30.58 Steins;Gate 0 CIB+ 29.49 Stranger of sword city limited edition New 63.57 Super Hydorah New 47.9 Super Meat Boy New 60.5 Super Mutant Alien Assault New 34.9 Super Skull Smash GO! 2 Turbo New 42.35 SUPERBEAT: XONiC New 28.49 Superdimension Neptune VS Sega Hard Girls New 58.5 Sword Art Online: Hollow Fragment New 65.48 Synergia [Limited Edition] New 110.49 Tachyon Project Limited Edition New 55.35 Takotan [Limited Edition] New 51.59 Tales from Space: Mutant Blobs Attack New 50.24 Tales of Hearts R CIB+ 69.48 Tales of Hearts R Loose 50.5 Task Force Kampas New 36.5 Tetris Ultimate New 70.47 Tetris Ultimate New 70.47 Amazing Spider-Man CIB+ 64.75 Amazing Spider-Man CIB+ 64.75 Bard's Tale: Remastered and Resnarkled New 50.49 Bit.Trip Limited Edition New 33.5 Count Lucanor [Signature Edition] New 144.47 House in Fata Morgana: Dreams of the Revenants Edition CIB+ 99.5 House in Fata Morgana: Dreams of the Revenants Edition M+B 40.1 King of Fighters '97: Global Match New 64.81 Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel CIB+ 36.49 Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel (Lionheart Limited Edition) New 72.39 Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel II CIB+ 57.82 Longest Five Minutes New 32.5 Lost Child New 56.03 Lost Cube [Limited Edition] New 50.49 Ratchet and Clank Trilogy CIB+ 72.77 Swapper New 51.48 Swindle New 27.51 Walking Dead: Season Two - A Telltale Games Series New 22.61 Thomas Was Alone New 33.5 Tokyo Xanadu New 49.32 Touch My Katamari CIB+ 33.72 Twin Breaker: A Sacred Symbols Adventure [Limited Edition] CIB+ 47.09 Ultimate Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 CIB+ 31.21 Ultimate Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 CIB+ 31.21 Uncharted: Golden Abyss CIB+ 27.23 Uncharted: Golden Abyss CIB+ 27.23 Undertale New 66.38 Unepic [Limited Edition] New 274.98 UnMetal New 163.32 Utawarerumono: Mask of Deception New 72.27 Utawarerumono: Mask of Truth - Launch Edition New 36.5 Utawarerumono: Mask of Truth - Launch Edition New 36.5 VA-11 Hall-A New 79.91 Valkyrie Drive: Bhikkhuni CIB+ 66.81 Vasara Collection New 98.5 Velocity 2X: Critical Mass Edition New 63.05 Volume New 32.25 Windjammers New 35.83 Wipeout 2048 New 31.24 World of Final Fantasy New 33.99 Xeno Crisis [Limited Edition] New 100.5 Xeno Crisis [Limited Edition] New 100.5 Xeno Crisis [Limited Edition] New 100.5 Xenon Valkyrie+ New 68.11 Xeodrifter New 44.2 Yomawari: Midnight Shadows CIB+ 33.71 Yomawari: Night Alone / htol#NiQ: The Firefly Diary CIB+ 40.5 Ys Origin New 56.4 Ys VIII: Lacrimosa of DANA New 72.34 Ys: Memories of Celceta CIB+ 25.99 Yumeutsutsu Re:After [Limited Edition] New 82.97 Yumeutsutsu Re:Master [Limited Edition] New 75.48 Zero Escape: Virtue's Last Reward CIB+ 15.5 Zero Escape: Zero Time Dilemma New 33.17 Zero Escape: Zero Time Dilemma Loose 24.51
3DS
Aliens: Infestation Loose 59.32 Minecraft: New Nintendo 3DS Edition New 34.72 New Nintendo 2DS XL White & Orange Loose 206.5 Senran Kagura 2: Deep Crimson (Double D Edition) New 70.5 Senran Kagura 2: Deep Crimson (Double D Edition) New 70.5 Shantae and the Pirate's Curse [Collector's Edition] New 89.39 Shantae and the Pirate's Curse [Collector's Edition] New 89.39

Before the pill, before the internet, before the cell phone, lots of misinformation about Asian history and culture circulated in books written by people who were not qualified.
Over the last 60 years, most of the assumptions and beliefs Zen have been debunked, although to people who don't go to college and don't read modern scholarship, it's still like the 1960s never ended.
Just as there are still books being published today about alien visitation and Jesus riding a dinosaur, there are plenty of opportunities for people to be misinformed. There are even books you can buy that describe how Trump won in 2020 and has been in charge of the deep state for the last 4 years.
But these books don't offer fact and arguments that can be repeated in the public square in anything like a coherent and compelling dialogue.

Zen not related to taoism

For people who haven't read a book of instruction written by a zen master but read a popular translation of Te Tao Ching (the more accurately translated title), it can be easy to believe the opinion from the 1960s that Zen was related to taoism.
People who have read the Taoist Canon don't think so: www.reddit.com/zen/wiki/taoism. Taoism resembles Hinduism and Catholicism, none of which bear any resemblance to Zen.

Zen rejects meditation

There is no doctrinal connection between Zen, the sudden realization of enlightenment, and any of the many Buddhist and quasi- Buddhist meditation practices like Zazen-Shikantaza, breath counting, or mind-stopping. Meditation requires faith in Messianic doctrine of a "fallen" nature, revealed practice, and a state to be achieved, all of which are incompatible with Zen study and practice.
Patriarch's Hall, a recently rediscovered text from 900ce, illustrates how aggressively is and rejected Buddhist meditation. www.reddit.com/zen/wiki/notmeditation
Additionally,, scholarship from Stanford proved that zazen was invented in Japan by a Tientai Buddhist priest and was not ever a Zen practice. www.reddit.com/zen/wiki/secular_dogen

Zen is not and never was a branch of Buddhism

The 1960s and '70s saw Zen only through the lens of Japanese Buddhist claims about a tradition that wasn't Japanese originally, and wasn't Buddhist originally.
8FP Buddhism is very much a religion that promises people supernatural rewards in exchange for compliant behavior. The 8FP is the means to those supernatural rewards.
Zen Masters never taught the eightfold path and instead taught the four statements of Zen (found in the sidebar). Scholarship on the four statements was entirely unknown in the 1960s, as Japanese Buddhists steered a curious West away from Chinese historical sources and towards modern religious apologetics that a nearly illiterate Western academia embraced too quickly.
The last 30 years of scholarship, clearly the translation of a wide variety of texts, has not only severed Zen from Buddhism.www.reddit.com/zen/wiki/getstarted but has raised very serious questions about what it is that makes Buddhism essentially Buddhist www.reddit.com/zen/wiki/Buddhism

60's as a primary sources for Neo-Christian new agers

Just as there are still people who say Jesus road a dinosaur to work, the internet will still provide havens for people who didn't graduate college, did not study comparative religion or philosophy, and don't practice anything like Zen's commitment to the five lay precepts and public interview.
Many of the '60s era sources were linked inextricably to Nazi era thinkers, sex predators, people with drug and alcohol addiction, and religious frauds from Buddhist churches (Christian churches aren't the only unreliable churches).
The tragic part of all this is that people who might be interested in Zen never get the chance to study it, because they encounter neo-christian meditation worship and get turned off by the whole topic.
And who can blame them?

In the annals of gaming history, few titles command the reverence and adoration as the legendary Doom franchise. Born from the minds of John Romero, John Carmack, Adrian Carmack, and Tom Hall, Doom would go on to lay the foundations for just about every modern video game that exists. It was a true tour de force, a success story few could scarce ever imagine.
Released in 1993, Doom was an immediate smash hit, thanks in no small part to its shareware format, which allowed users to experience the first few levels of Knee Deep In the Dead, and then order the full game via the phone number included. Players could then share the floppy disk with their friends, and so on, and so on. It was a truly revolutionary system, and within a single year, Doom had sold over 2 million copies.
The history of the Doom franchise is one of innovation, ultra violence, and controversy (1999's Columbine High School Massacre), and that reputation is one that continued with 2016's DOOM. DOOM was officially revealed at Quakecon 2014, ten years after Doom 3. Players had long resigned to Doom being considered a dead franchise. A reboot had been in the works for a number of years prior, but never got released, having been quietly cancelled by id in 2010. The future was bleak, but the 30 second long teaser ignited a spark that had been burning dimmer every passing year.
Then came E3 2015.
The hype was unreal. The trailer had everything that fans could possibly want. Gore, intense violence, insane run n gun gameplay, a rip-roaring soundtrack and the MFING CHAINSAW. But fans had been let down before. Would it really hold up its promises?
Yes. Yes, it would.
PART I: Presentation
When DOOM burst onto the scene in 2016, it did so with a visual and auditory spectacle that left players awestruck. From the moment the game boots up, players are made aware that this is not your average shooter. You are greeted with a deep, commanding voice. "Rip and tear, until it is DONE."
Immediately, players are greeted with a scene of carnage and the Doom Slayer chained to a table, which, of course, he instantly breaks free from. A zombie attempts to relieve the Slayer of his life but is beaten to the punch with a prompt skull smashing. After putting the other zombies to rest, he interacts with the panel in the corner, is greeted by one Dr. Samuel Hayden, who attempts to justify the outbreak, and decides he would rather kill shit than listen to excuses and destroys the monitor.
That is the introduction to this game. It never wastes the player's time. We aren't here to listen to long droning monologues or watch MGS style cutscenes. id Software knew their audience, and knew what that audience wanted, and they deliver in spades. This introduction sets the tone for the entire experience: relentless action, unapologetic violence, and a protagonist who is as unstoppable as he is uncompromising. The Doom Slayer's disdain for exposition and his single-minded focus on annihilating demons resonate with players who crave a pure, unadulterated gaming experience.
By eschewing lengthy cutscenes and exposition-heavy dialogue in favor of fast-paced gameplay and visceral action, id Software delivers a game that respects the player's time and delivers exactly what they came for: non-stop demon-slaying action. In an era where many games are criticized for padding their runtime with unnecessary filler, DOOM stands out as a shining example of how to create a focused and engaging experience that keeps players coming back for more.
Rather than bombarding players with lengthy exposition or intrusive cutscenes, DOOM opts for a more environmental storytelling approach. Throughout the game, players can discover audio logs, read text-based terminals, and observe environmental details that provide context and background to the events unfolding around them.
The story of DOOM revolves around the Doom Slayer's mission to stop a demonic invasion unleashed by the Union Aerospace Corporation (UAC) on their Martian facility. As players progress through the game, they uncover details about the UAC's experiments with Hell energy, the origins of the demonic invasion, and the Doom Slayer's own mysterious past.
While the story may not be front and center in DOOM, it nonetheless adds depth and richness to the game world, enhancing the overall experience for players who choose to engage with it. And for those who prefer to focus solely on the action, the story remains secondary, allowing them to enjoy the game on their own terms.
That's all well and good, but what about the actual gameplay? Simply put, it is exhilarating. From the moment you are given control of the Slayer, players are thrust into a frenzy of blood and violence, and it never lets up. At its core, DOOM is a first-person shooter that harkens back to the genre's roots while injecting it with a healthy dose of modern flair. The gameplay is fast-paced, frenetic, and utterly unapologetic in its brutality. You're not just a player – you're the Doom Slayer, a force of nature hell-bent on eradicating every last demon in your path.
Central to the gameplay experience is the game's combat loop, which revolves around a delicate balance of aggression and strategy. In DOOM, there's no hiding behind cover or waiting for your health to regenerate – you're constantly on the move, strafing, dodging, and leaping across the battlefield as you unleash a torrent of bullets, rockets, and plasma upon your enemies.
Weapons include the iconic shotgun, heavy assault rifle, plasma rifle, rocket launcher, and the devastating BFG 9000, among others. Each weapon offers different firing modes, such as single shot, burst fire, and continuous beam, providing players with tactical options in combat. A key aspect of combat is the Glory Kill system, which allows players to perform brutal finishing moves on staggered enemies. Glory Kills not only provide health and ammo but also contribute to the flow of combat by encouraging aggressive play. It is incredibly satisfying to watch the Slayer rip an imp in half or stomp their head into the pavement, and doing so rewards you with a large return of health.
The Chainsaw mechanic is another integral part of combat, allowing players to instantly kill most enemies and gain a large amount of ammo in return. However, Chainsaw fuel is limited and must be managed carefully. Like Glory Kills, watching the chainsaw tear demons apart is incredibly satisfying. Certain demons require more fuel but provide the player with more ammo in return. Balancing which demons you chainsaw and which ones you choose to Glory Kill is an important part of combat.
Exploration is key to progression and is rewarding to those players who choose to do. Hidden throughout the levels of the game are Argent Cells, Praetor Tokens, and Rune Trials. Each of these provide upgrades to your health/shield/ammo, suit, and passive abilities respectively. Also hidden throughout the game are levers that lead you to classic levels from Doom 1 and Doom 2, which then unlock the full level of its respective game, playable from the main menu. You can also find toy models of the Doom Slayer, which unlock various character models to view. On some of these models, the Doom Slayer will perform a unique action when picking it up, such as fist bumping the classic Doomguy. It's a nice and cute little touch added by the developers that does a little to add character to the Slayer, who is a silent protagonist.
id Software masterfully blends modern game design with a deep reverence for the classics, paying homage to the series' storied history while introducing new elements that propel the franchise forward. Central to this approach is the game's character design, which strikes a delicate balance between nostalgia and innovation. At its core is the iconic protagonist, the Doom Slayer, whose design pays homage to the original Doom Marine while incorporating modern updates that make him feel both familiar and fresh. With his battle-worn armor, imposing stature, and silent demeanor, the Doom Slayer is the embodiment of raw power and unrelenting rage.
The game's roster of enemies is a veritable who's who of classic Doom foes, reimagined for the modern era. From the lowly possessed soldiers to the hulking Cyberdemon, each enemy is lovingly crafted to capture the essence of its 1990s counterpart while introducing new mechanics and behaviors that keep players on their toes. Whether you're facing off against the agile Revenants, the relentless Hell Knights, or the grotesque Cacodemons, every encounter is a nostalgic trip down memory lane, punctuated by the satisfying sound of demon flesh being torn asunder.
But the main story is not where it ends. DOOM has an arcade mode, where players can run through the levels again, this time trying for high scores and medals while collecting 1 Ups. It's important to move fast and have accurate aim; the more kills you chain together, the bigger your score is. Getting hit reduces your score. At the end of the level, your score is tallied against others on a leaderboard. It's a great way to incentivize players to keep playing, in order to get a better and better score.
There is also multiplayer, where players compete in various game modes such as classic deathmatch, warpath and free for all. Players can become demons by collecting runes on the battlefield and this gives them a distinct advantage; demons are larger, stronger and more resilient. Players are bizarrely restricted to only two weapons and a loadout in multiplayer, which blew my mind. Loadouts. In a DOOM game. The demons are also massively unbalanced and if one team manages to get a particularly powerful demon such as a baron of hell, then it's a guaranteed win. All in all, the multiplayer just isn't great. You are better off replaying the story or arcade mode, or even SnapMap.
SnapMap is id Software's proprietary level editor, and it puts every other editor on the market to shame. SnapMap is an incredible, intuitive, easy to learn system allowing players to create their own multiplayer, co-op and single player maps. There is an extensive tutorial system that teaches users the basics, and goes up in depth, covering how to use AI triggers, switches, combinations, object layering, actions, recalls, audio cues, etc. Never have I ever seen such an in-depth interface on a console game before. While it is only surface level in the grand scheme of things, SnapMap is a great introduction to teaching users how game development works, and I urge everyone to try it out at least once.
Part II: The Music
In DOOM, the music isn't just a background accompaniment – it's a driving force that propels players forward, electrifying every moment of the gameplay experience. Composed by the incredibly talented Mick Gordon, the soundtrack of DOOM is a relentless onslaught of metal and electronica that perfectly complements the game's fast-paced action and visceral combat. From the moment you boot up the game, you're greeted by the iconic strains of the main theme, a haunting melody that sets the tone for the epic journey that lies ahead. As you traverse the game's environments, the music shifts seamlessly between atmospheric ambience and pulse-pounding metal.
But it's not just the composition of the music that makes it so memorable – it's also the way it's integrated into the gameplay itself. Mick Gordon's dynamic scoring system ensures that the music evolves in real-time based on the player's actions, ramping up in intensity during combat encounters and dialing back during quieter moments of exploration. This creates a sense of momentum and flow that enhances the overall pacing of the game
One of the standout features of the soundtrack is its use of unconventional instrumentation and sound design. Mick Gordon's signature sound combines distorted guitars, pounding drums, and industrial noise to create a sonic palette that is as brutal and unforgiving as the game itself. From the deep, guttural growls of the synth bass to the ear-shredding shrieks of the guitar solos, every element of the music is designed to evoke a sense of chaos and destruction, mirroring the relentless carnage unfolding onscreen.
Of course, no discussion of the music in DOOM would be complete without mentioning the iconic tracks that have become synonymous with the game. From the adrenaline-fueled "Rip & Tear" to the bone-crushing "BFG Division," each track is a masterpiece of composition and production, perfectly capturing the essence of the DOOM experience and elevating it to new heights. Mick Gordon's composition for the DOOM soundtrack is a tour de force in heavy metal and industrial electronica, meticulously crafted to evoke the essence of the game's frenetic gameplay.
The backbone of the soundtrack is the distorted guitar, which provides the driving force behind many of the tracks. Gordon's use of extended-range guitars and custom-tuned instruments gives the music its signature low-end punch, while his aggressive playing style adds a raw, visceral energy to the sound. In addition to guitars, Gordon incorporates a wide range of electronic and synthetic elements into his compositions, including synthesizers, drum machines, and sampled sounds. These elements are used to create atmospheric textures, rhythmic patterns, and dynamic effects.
One of the most innovative aspects of Gordon's sound design is his use of audio manipulation techniques, such as granular synthesis and spectral processing. These techniques allow him to deconstruct and manipulate audio in real-time, creating complex textures and effects.
Perhaps the most revolutionary aspect of Mick Gordon's composition for DOOM is his dynamic scoring system, which adjusts the music in real-time based on the player's actions. This system, known as "MIDI-controlled dynamic music," allows the music to seamlessly transition between different layers and variations depending on the intensity of the gameplay. Gordon achieves this dynamic effect by dividing each track into multiple stems or layers, each representing a different element of the music (e.g., drums, guitars, synths). These stems are then triggered and mixed in real-time using MIDI data generated by the game engine, allowing the music to adapt and evolve dynamically as the player progresses through the game.
Part III: Building a Legacy
All too often in this industry, legacy franchises are either left in the dust to be forgotten, or brought back to a limp fanfare, only to be thrust back into the shadows of the past. This happens for a myriad of reasons, and I believe the biggest one is that they don't respect their legacy, and they don't respect the players who engage with them.
At its core, DOOM is a game that understands what players want: fast-paced action, engaging gameplay, and a sense of empowerment. By focusing on these core principles, id Software created an experience that resonated with players old and new, capturing the spirit of the original games while pushing the series forward. Central to this approach is the game's unwavering commitment to respecting the player. From its minimalist storytelling and streamlined level design to its intuitive controls and dynamic difficulty system, DOOM prioritizes the player's experience above all else, ensuring that every moment of the game is engaging, immersive, and satisfying.
One of the most notable ways that DOOM respects the player is through its approach to difficulty. Rather than imposing artificial barriers or punishing players for their mistakes, the game encourages experimentation and mastery through its responsive gameplay mechanics and adaptive enemy AI. Players are given the freedom to approach encounters in their own way, whether it's through brute force, cunning strategy, or a combination of both.
Another key aspect of DOOM's player-centric design is its emphasis on accessibility. From its difficulty settings and intuitive user interface to its robust accessibility features, such as colorblind modes and customizable controls, the game ensures that players of all skill levels and abilities can enjoy the experience without feeling excluded or overwhelmed.
But perhaps the most important way that DOOM respects the player is through its commitment to fun. At its core, DOOM is a game that prioritizes the player's enjoyment above all else, delivering a seamless and exhilarating experience that keeps players coming back for more. Whether you're blasting demons with a shotgun, exploring hidden secrets, or rocking out to Mick Gordon's pulse-pounding soundtrack, DOOM is a game that never stops prioritizing YOU.
DOOM's legacy is one of respect – respect for the player, respect for the franchise, and respect for the medium of video games as a whole. By prioritizing fun, accessibility, and player agency, id Software created an experience that not only honors the legacy of the original games but also sets a new standard for what a modern first-person shooter can be. And for that, we owe them a debt of gratitude.

New Features and enhancements
New AI-enhanced tools join Smart Tempo and the Pitch Correction plug-in to augment your artistry.
Bass Player and Keyboard Player join Drummer to complete a set of Session Players — all built with AI making it easy to create performances that respond to your direction.
Session Players can follow the same chord progression using Global chord track.
Add warmth to any track with ChromaGlow, an advanced plug-in with five saturation models designed to simulate the sound of vintage analog hardware.*
Separate a stereo audio file into stems for vocals, drums, bass and other parts with Stem Splitter.*
Session Players, ChromaGlow, and Stem Splitter also come to Logic Pro for iPad 2 — making it simple to move between projects created in Logic Pro for Mac.
Play any of six deeply-sampled acoustic and electric basses with Studio Bass.
Perform any of three meticulously-sampled pianos with Studio Piano.
Loops that contain chord tags will automatically populate the chord track when added to a project.
Three new Producer Packs are available: Hardwell, The Kount, and Cory Wong.
Original multi-track project of Swing! by Ellie Dixon available as in-app demo song.
Downmix and trim options allow custom mixing for non-Atmos channel configurations.
Exported ADM BWF files have been expanded beyond Dolby Atmos and can contain settings for stereo and other multi-channel formats.
Bounce in place adds automatic real-time recording for External Instrument regions or tracks that utilize external hardware using the Logic Pro I/O plug-in.
Route MIDI signals generated by supported software instruments and effects to the input of other tracks for creative layering during playback or recording.
Edit more efficiently using key commands for moving, extending, or resizing marquee selections.
The Nudge Region/Event Position key commands now also nudge Marquee selections.
The Transpose Region/Event key commands now also move or expand the Marquee selection up/down.
Pattern regions can now be created on Drummer tracks, and Drummer regions can be converted to Pattern regions.
New key commands include Trim Note End to Following Notes (Force Legato) With Overlap and Trim Note End to Selected (Force Legato) With Overlap.
Bounce in Place and Track Freeze can now be performed in real time, allowing for use of external instruments, I/O plug-ins, and external inserts.
Mastering Assistant analysis now can be performed in real time, allowing for use in projects that incorporate external I/O or instruments.
The Dolby Atmos plug-in now offers Downmix and Surround/Height Trim controls.
The Recent Projects list can now be configured to show up to 50 projects.
* Requires a Mac with Apple silicon.
Stability and reliability
Scripts with 1071 characters or more in Scripter no longer cause Logic Pro to quit unexpectedly.
Fixes an issue where creating a an event in a lane assigned to Note off in Step Sequencer could cause Logic Pro to quit unexpectedly.
Fixes an issue where Logic Pro could fail to launch with an Error Initializing Core MIDI message when the system is under heavy load performing other tasks.
Resolves an issue where Logic Pro could quit unexpectedly when a 64-bit floating point IR file is loaded into Space Designer.
Fixes an issue where Logic Pro could hang when opening a project while the Project Settings > MIDI window is displayed.
Logic Pro no longer quits unexpectedly when creating multiple Aux tracks with multiple existing Aux tracks selected.
Improves stability when bypassing control surfaces with Musical Typing open when EuControl software is installed.
Fixes an issue where Logic Pro could hang when quitting a project containing a large number of instances of Sampler.
Fixes an issue where Logic Pro could quit unexpectedly when replacing a playing Live Loops cell with another loop.
Performance
The UI is now more responsive when adjusting Flex Pitches directly on regions in Deviation mode.
Performance is improved when editing Transient Markers in Take regions with Flex enabled.
Performance is improved when making Flex Pitch edits in the Tracks area with a large number of selected regions.
Alchemy's Performance is improved.
Performance is improved when moving regions in projects with a large number of tracks and regions.
Projects containing a large number of flex-pitched regions now open more quickly.
Resolves an issue where loading a project saved with a Summing stack selected that contains Software Instruments that have no regions and/or with the tracks turned off could load the Software Instruments into memory.
Accessibility
VoiceOver now announces the state of Automation mode buttons on channel strips.
VoiceOver now announces the status of the Pause button in the LCD.
VoiceOver no longer announces hidden controls in the Smart Controls view.
VoiceOver no longer reads the values of pan knobs that are currently hidden in Sends on Faders mode.
VoiceOver now announces the state of the Details button and the Follow button in the Drummer Editor.
VoiceOver now announces left-click and Command-click Tool selections in the Control Bar.
VoiceOver now announces the name of the Time Quantize button in the Piano Roll.
VoiceOver now announces changes in value when the Next/Previous key commands are used to change Quantize values.
VoiceOver now announces state of key commands for Cycle, Mute, Track Solo, Input Monitoring, Track On/Off, and Lock/Unlock Track.
VoiceOver now announces the selection state of focused tracks.
Spatial Audio
Fixes an issue where adding a new 3D Object track for the first time to a Spatial Audio project could cause the Renderer to switch from the current model to the Apple renderer.
The Dolby Atmos plug-in now offers a 5.1.2 monitoring option.
Fixes an issue where setting a project to Dolby Atmos could output to 7.1.4 even when the mode defaults to Apple Renderer.
It is now possible to monitor Dolby Atmos projects directly via HDMI to a surround capable receiveamplifier.
The metering for Height channels now shows as post-fader on the Master channel as expected.
Loading a Master Bus channel strip setting in the 7.1.4 channel format now preserves the 7.1.4 channel layout as expected.
Session Players
Resolves an issue where loading a user-created Drum Machine Designer patch could set the input to a bus and fail to load the Drum Machine Designer instrument.
Using the Create Drummer Region command in a Marquee selection now creates a region that corresponds to the Marquee.
Smart Tempo
In cases where there is not an existing Smart Tempo Multitrack Set, selecting an audio file in the Smart Tempo Multitrack Set window and disabling the “Contribute to analysis” check box now causes the Update button to change to Analyze as expected.
Pressing the Space bar now immediately stops a Free Tempo recording.
Fixes an issue where projects previously open in the same Logic Pro session could unexpectedly affect “Contribute to Analysis” in the Smart Tempo editor.
Recording
Audio regions recorded to unnamed tracks now include the project name and track number in their name.
Mixer
The channel strip Stereo Pan control and the Pan menu now can be adjusted when Caps Lock is enabled.
Creating a single Multi-timbral Software Instrument in the New Track Sheet no longer creates two Software Instrument instances in the All view of the Mixer.
Resolves an issue where remaining tracks in a Multitimbral Software Instrument Track Stack could unexpectedly rename the channel strip.
Adjusting the activity status of a speaker in the Surround panner no longer causes the signal to unexpectedly mute.
Groups now immediately show as inactive when switched off for a selected set of channels in the Mixer.
Metering now correctly works on individual channel strips with plug-ins that send to more than two channels and are routed to a surround bus.
Option-clicking on a send in a selected group of channel strips now sets all corresponding sends to 0 dB as expected.
Fixes an issue where performing Undo after adjusting the fader values of grouped channels with Group Clutch enabled and then disabled could cause the faders to jump up to +6 dB when one member of the group is touched.
Setting multiple selected channels to No VCA now works as expected
Alchemy
The oscillator section in Alchemy offers a new Wide Unison mode.
All controls for Additive Effects now accept typed-in values as expected.
Values typed into parameters related to milliseconds (MS) in Acoustic Reverb are no longer interpreted as full seconds.
Resolves an issue where performance control destinations for modulation could show as duplicated.
Sampler, Quick Sampler, and Quick Alchemy
The Playback direction button in Quick Sampler now immediately updates when clicked.
The view now scrolls correctly when dragging the Trim marker in Sample Alchemy.
It is now possible to adjust the level of a group in Sampler up to +24 dB.
The Up/Down buttons for navigating zones in Sampler now remain available after adjusting the start or end positions of samples.
The general Zoom/Scroll key commands now can be used to trim the current view in Sample Alchemy.
Handles and Trim Handles in Sample Alchemy behave correctly when click-dragged, even when the plug-in window does not have focus.
The Ancient Vocal Chop and Baily Glide plug-in settings for Quick Sampler now open in Classic mode, as expected.
Plug-ins
The MIDI Scripter plug-in now shows in Logic Pro when running in dark mode.
Fixes an issue where clicking on Sampled IR in Space Designer could activate Synthesized IR mode unexpectedly.
Resolves an issue where repositioning the playhead could cause audio to cut out on channel strips that use Step FX.
The preset Note Repeater in Scripter now works as expected.
The wet/dry setting on Ringshifter is now always set to 100% wet when inserted on an Aux.
There's now a DI Delay Compensation switch in Bass Amp Designer to improve phase correlation when blending between Amp and Direct Box in the plug-in.
StepFX now includes presets using Sidechain.
The Beat Breaker preset called “Basic / 2 Slices, Speed 66%” no longer plays the slices at 50% speed instead of 66%.
Resolves an issue where ES2 could produce glitching sounds when using Sine Level or Poly Voice mode on Apple Silicon computers.
Mono > Stereo instances of Console EQ no longer can cause unexpected feedback.
Using the Delete all Automation key command while an Audio Unit window has key focus no longer causes the Audio Unit window to go blank.
The menu for the compression section of Phat FX can now be opened by clicking on the Up/Down arrows.
Beat Breaker now offers new default patterns divided evenly into 2, 4, 8, 16, and 32 slices.
Mastering Assistant
There is no longer unexpected latency with bounces from projects that use the Clean or Clean + Excite mode in Mastering Assistant.
Mastering Assistant analysis is no longer incorrectly triggered in projects that contain no regions, but are previewing audio from Ultrabeat, etc.
Mastering Assistant no longer allows the -1 dBFS peak limit to be exceeded in certain cases.
Automation
The Consolidate Relative and Absolute for Visible / Automation menu item now only displays when automation types that support relative automation are active in the lane.
Region-based Automation is now pasted as Track-based Automation when pasted to an area of a track that does not contain regions.
Pitchbend now works as expected with zones in Sampler that do not have Flex Pitch enabled.
Selecting Region-based automation points on a region now deselects previously selected automation points on other regions
Disabling Region-Based Automation no longer dims the Power button for MIDI CC data lanes in the Piano Roll.
The movie window now updates to show the correct frame when moving Region-based automation points.
The Autoselect automation parameter now works as expected when clicking any plug-in control.
Automation of the Gain plug-in no longer exhibits unexpected latency.
Region-based automation is now drawn correctly when recorded into projects that start earlier than 1 1 1 1.
Automation lane views for all tracks are now maintained when switching into Flex view and then back to Automation view.
Flex Time and Flex Pitch
Flex Pitched notes now play as expected when clicked while Record or Input Monitoring is active on the track.
Flexed audio tracks using Monophonic or Slicing mode no longer produce clicks at tempo changes.
Takes and comping
Fade-ins are now applied when flatten and merge is performed on Comps.
Renaming a take that encompasses the entire length of an audio file no longer unexpectedly changes the file name.
Comps in Take Folders are now preserved when performing Cut Section Between Locators on a section that includes the end of one Take folder and the beginning of another, with a gap in-between.
Track Stacks
Record-arming a Track Stack now arms grouped audio tracks in a Track Stack it contains.
Dragging a subtrack out of a Track Stack that is assigned to a VCA now removes the assignment for the subtrack.
Fixes an issue where Track Stacks could sometimes be dimmed when some, but not all, subtracks are muted or off.
It's now possible to replace stacked instrument patches that are inside a Summing Stack with single track patches.
Track Alternatives
Loading a patch on a Summing Stack containing sub-tracks with Track Alternatives no longer causes inactive alternatives to be deleted.
Track Alternatives can now be created for the Stereo Output track.
Selection-Based Processing
Using Selection-Based Processing on a Marquee selected section within a Take Folder no longer creates an unexpected comp.
Selection-Based Processing on a comp now retains the comp.
Score
The spacing of notes is improved in cases where there is a dotted note on a line with the stem is pointing upward.
Command + Z to undo now works after deleting a Score Set.
Upward bends in TAB staves now display correctly.
Importing an instrument track no longer can cause Score Sets in the current project to disappear.
Imported Score Sets can now be deleted from a project.
Live Loops
“Join Region and Fill Cell” now works as expected.
Recording a performance in Live Loops now temporarily puts all tracks into Automation: Latch mode.
Fixes an issue where changing patches for a Live Loop track could cause the length of cells to change unexpectedly.
It's now possible to paste MIDI notes into a Live Loops cell.
Step Sequencer
It's now easier to use the disclosure triangle to open sub-rows in Step Sequencer.
Pattern regions now play back correctly immediately after being nudged.
Pattern Regions now immediately play as expected after using the Slip/Rotate tool to drag their contents to the left.
The “Separate pattern region by kit piece” command on Drum Machine Designer tracks is now applied to the correct area of the Pattern Region, in cases where the left border of the region has been moved to the right.
The length and number of steps of a newly created Pattern Region accounts for Time Signature changes correctly.
The maximum possible pattern length of a Pattern region is now 4 bars of the current time signature.
Step Sequencer now allows pattern lengths to be added based on 5/4 and 7/8 time signatures.
The Step Sequencer Inc/Dec controls now work in Loop Edit mode.
Fixes an issue where Pattern Regions on frozen tracks be edited unexpectedly.
Region-based automation now displays properly on Pattern regions in tracks that have been partially frozen, and on regions that have been frozen and then unfrozen.
It's now possible to assign MIDI channels per step in a Pattern Region.
MIDI
Reset messages for Software Instruments now work correctly.
Sustain messages are now sent correctly when playing back regions with Clip Length enabled in cycle mode.
There is now an “Internal MIDI in” setting in the Track Inspector to allow for recording MIDI from any other software instrument or External MIDI Instrument track.
The “Send all MIDI settings” key command now sends program changes to external devices assigned to empty tracks.
Resolves an issue where 3 bytes of random MIDI data would be sent when playing back regions containing SysEx data with MIDI 2.0 disabled
New 'internal MIDI in' feature allows recording of MIDI from other tracks, including MIDI FX plug-in output and 3rd party MIDI generators.
The “Delete MIDI events outside region boundaries" key command now correctly creates a starting CC event in the region to match the last matching CC of the same type in the track.
Fixes an issue where Chase could cut off notes that are preceded by notes of the same pitch on tracks with third-party instrument plug-ins.
Editing
The Humanize transform set now works as expected when the Randomize functions for Position, Length, or Velocity are set to very small values.
The menu item Delete and Move in the Event List is now only displayed if regions are displayed in the window.
When MIDI 2.0 is selected in the Settings, clicking on an Event in the Event List no longer plays events back with MIDI 1.0 resolution.
Fixes an issue where using the Cut command in the Audio Track Editor could switch the view to another editor.
When a region in the Project Audio window is double-clicked, the Audio Track editor now opens as expected.
The content link buttons for the Piano Roll and Score show the correct color as expected when toggled using the mouse.
The Event List correctly updates to reflect changes made by using key commands to select notes in other editors.
Resolves an issue where the Velocity tool in the Piano roll could affect the values of non-note events.
Fixes an issue where applying the Transform set Double Speed could cause the notes to disappear from the Piano Roll.
Step Input
Extending the length of note entered using Step Input now works correctly.
Global Tracks
Adding multiple audio Apple Loops of the same key to different tracks of a new project now changes the project key as expected.
Clicked in Tempo points are now placed at their correct positions in projects that start earlier than 1 1 1 1.
Share and export
When No Overlap is enabled, regions bounced onto existing regions no longer overlap them.
Audio files bounced from Logic Pro now include the proper Encoded Date in the metadata.
Fixes an issue where MIDI regions could be truncated when bounced in place.
Fixes an issue where audio files including Volume/Pan automation exported from mono tracks that use plug-ins could export as stereo files.
It is now possible to bounce sub-channels of multitimbral instrument tracks as individual files.
Import
Resolves an issue when dragging multiple audio files into a project, choosing the “Place all files on one track” option could create a second track and places the first file on one track, and the rest on the second.
Output channels in the Mixer can now be imported from other Logic Pro projects.
Apple Loops
The Loops browser now correctly shows the same enharmonic key an Apple Loop was tagged with.
Apple Loops now preview using the Key Signature active at the current position of the playhead.
It's now possible to add Aliases to bookmarks and untagged loops.
Dragging an Apple Loop from the loop browser to an existing track no longer changes the input for the track.
Fixes an issue where MIDI Apple Loops could jump to the start of the nearest bar position when dragged from the Loop Browser to the middle of a bar.
Video Support
A secondary screen that is running a full screen video with Show Animations off will no longer remain black after closing the project.
Key Commands
The “Increase (or Decrease) last clicked parameter” key commands now work for controls in the LCD.
The “Record off for all” key command now works on Software Instrument tracks in cases where one or more audio tracks are also record-enabled.
There is now a key command to add to the current selection of regions or cells that are assigned to a toggle solo group.
The Zoom Toggle key command now works in the Step Editor.
Compatibility
GarageBand projects that use Pitch Correction now sound the same when opened in Logic Pro.
Undo
If Undo is used immediately after creating a project, the New Track Sheet is displayed as expected rather than leaving a project with no tracks.
Undo/Redo now works as expected with Audio Unit v3 plug-ins.
Changing the Automation Mode, or changing a Track On/Off state now creates an Undo step.
Performing Undo after adding a surround track no longer corrects Drummer tracks in the project.
Logic Remote
Logic Remote immediately updates to show time and signature changes made in Logic Pro.
Control Surfaces and MIDI controllers
Controls on Control Surface devices that use Lua scripts now provide feedback when learning assignments for them in Logic Pro.
Illuminated buttons on control surfaces now show the correct state for Show/Hide Track Editor.
General
The LCD now displays the Cycle start and end times in both SMPTE time and Bars/Beats when the secondary ruler is displayed.
Search in the All Files browser now finds matching items in bookmarked folders.
Fixes an issue where the visible editor in the Main window could unexpectedly switch when rubber-band selecting regions.
Audio Take folders created in Cycle mode now loop as expected after recording when Loop is enabled in the Region Inspector.
It's now possible to create external MIDI tracks when Core Audio is disabled in Logic Pro.
Resolves an issue where deleting a Flex marker from an audio region while a Marker List is visible could switch the key focus to the Marker List.
Track information pasted into a text editor now includes the TIME position when the Use Musical Grid setting for the project is not enabled.
Input monitoring buttons are now displayed on audio tracks when Logic Pro has fallen back to an alternate audio device because the selected device is not available.
Previewing an audio region in the Project Audio window no longer causes it to jump to the top of the window.
Command+Option clicking on the On/Off button of a track now toggles the button for all tracks, as expected.
Copy/paste of regions now works when Automation view is enabled.
Right-clicking on a looped segment of a region now opens the contextual menu as expected.
It's now easier to see when black keys are depressed in the Musical Typing window.
The right arrow key now reliably moves the text cursor in the Bounce > Save As file name panel.
Groove Templates created from audio regions now work in Smart Quantize mode.
Dragging multiple regions from the same audio file from the Project Audio browser to the Tracks area now works correctly.
Audio regions are no longer moved to unexpected positions when trimming, if absolute Snap mode is on, and the region anchor is moved away from the start of the region
Fixes an issue where pasting a Marquee selection with No Overlap and Snap Edits to Zero Crossings mode enabled could delete a non-overlapping part of an existing region.
Autozoom now triggers when a region's upper right corner is dragged in the Main window, or the Audio Track Editor.
The Playhead no longer may briefly appear to be in the wrong position when zooming horizontally.
The Time Ruler now immediately updates to reflect changes made to the “Bar Position [bar position] plays at SMPTE” setting.
The File browser correctly shows the full path when using Save As.

Hi all,
Have some stuff for sale that's no longer being used. Need to get rid of it soon so feel free to send offers. Bundle discounts available.
Please comment before PM - I do not reply to Reddit Chat messages. PM for further details, questions, bundle discounts, local pickup and negotiations etc. Local is Chicago, IL. Thank you.

Name/Timestamp	Price (Shipped/Local)	Condition/age	Description/reason for sale/etc
Bose Noise Canceling Headphones 700 NC700 carrying case with white Bose USB-C to USB-A cable and white 2.5mm to 3.5mm cable	$40/$30	9.5/10, purchased in December 2023	DOES NOT INCLUDE HEADPHONES - only the case and cables. Got these with the Bose NCH700 headphones. They are in excellent, like-new condition and come with the original white color charging and audio cables.
Surface Pro 6 with i7 8650U and 16GB RAM & 512GB SSD. Bundled with Alcantara Signature Type cover, Surface Dock, 2x genuine Surface 65W chargers	$360/$340 $335/$310	Tablet: 8.5/10; Type cover: 7/10	This Surface has the 0.4GHz bug (CPU doesn't boost beyond 0.4GHz). The fix for this is to keep ThrottleStop running in the background with BD PROCHOT disabled. I can guide you through setting it up so that this bug doesn't affect usage of the laptop. There is also a slight haze in a dime-size area near the bottom of the screen which is visible when the screen is pitch black but not in bright/white screens. Check last 2 pics in the album to see examples of thee same. Was been using it as a secondary device to watch movies, listen to music and as an occasional Steam Machine. The type cover is one of the best chiclet keyboards I've typed on, and the dock is supremely useful to connect it in a snap to a bigger display (especially when streaming games)!
Genuine Surface Go Charger	$25/$15; free if you buy stuff worth $60 or more	7/10	Surface Go Charger. Works.
Genuine Apple 67W USB-C Power adaptecharger with Apple Type-C cable	$45/$35	10/10 like-new	Got this sometime in early 2023 to use as a single charging solution for my laptop and phone, but never ended up using it. Only taken out of box and used once jusut before taking pics to confirm that the combo works
Acer AH101 VR Headset with rechargeable NiZn AA batteries	$130/$105 $120/$95	9/10	Got this from a fellow hardwareswap user sometime in 2022. Has hardly been used for 20 hours since. Everything is in excellent condition and works well. Had purchased high capacity rechargeable cells which never actually drained lol. Will be sanitized and disinfected before sale, and will be shipped in the original box.
iWalk Secret 4500mAh portable Lightning charger	$20/$10; free if you buy stuff worth $60 or more	BNIB	Got this as a gift sometime in 2023 but I don't have a Lightning iPhone/iPad. The black leather looks pretty sick actually.

Hey folks, hello again. I took a bit longer this time to update (Part 1 and Part 2 here) you but at least I bring good news: this weekend, I got the definitive answer from the prison's legal department, and now I know how much I can tell (and I believe it's enough). For your information, after this incident and my eventual release from prison, I haven't contacted anyone I met behind bars, except of course for my wife, Linda. The point is, even after all these years, this story has troubled me a lot, and since my first post, I've become even more paranoid. Finally, this morning, I went out to get the mail but as soon as I opened the door, I came face to face with a small untouched white envelope, except for two identical characters stamped on its surface: 11. Linda is sleeping, and I don't want to worry her, I'm at the kitchen counter thinking about what to do with this envelope while reliving the final events of all this mess, of what was really inside cell 11.
It was morning, and there I was in my cell, in a scene poetically similar to this. I held a playing card, an 11 of clubs. I later searched for such a card online, but found nothing. It was strange, very well made. Before I could reflect more deeply on this, one of the guards passed by our corridor, opening the cell doors for our breakfast.
So, slowly, as if in a trance, I got up from bed and put the playing card in my pocket. Somehow, the card seemed to heat up in my pocket, I could feel the heat increasing and increasing, almost burning my skin. It was a strange stupor, almost drunken, I could even swear I smelled ether lingering in the air as I staggered to the cafeteria.
I slumped into the seat as I placed the tray on the table. Old Munford looked at me in a friendly manner:
"Overdid it yesterday, lad? Your hangover face is priceless."
I forced a weak smile in response to Munford's comment, trying to seem normal despite the whirlwind of thoughts racing through my mind. The heat still burned in my pocket, an uncomfortable sensation that seemed to be intensifying with each passing moment.
"No, nothing much," I muttered, looking away to my food tray. "Just didn't sleep very well."
Munford seemed satisfied with my response and turned his attention back to his own meal. As I stirred the food without really eating, struggling to maintain my composure, I began to think about what to do.
My thoughts were interrupted when Francis joined us at the table, his usual smile lighting up his face. He looked at me with a questioning expression.
"Hey man, everything okay? You look awful."
"I think it was the heat, or maybe something I ate last night."
Francis frowned. Unlike the elder, he clearly wasn't convinced by my superficial explanation.
"Some of the guys told me they saw Bob talking to you last night. Did he do something?"
The question caught me off guard. All this news about the playing card had prevented me from thinking about the strange interaction with Bob since the previous night, but now the memories began to resurface, mixed with the heat sensation coming from my pocket.
"Oh, it was nothing," I said quickly, trying to sound casual. "Bob was just being a bit... Bob."
I felt Francis's gaze linger on my face for a moment.
"If he does anything, you know you can talk to us, right? I know he's one of ours, but that doesn't mean I'll go easy on him."
I analyzed the options for a moment, reflecting on everything. Well, now it seemed to make sense, a prank by Bob, or an attempt to intimidate me...
"There's... something, Francis," I said in a low tone, feeling tense about the confession I was about to make. "Last night, after the card tournament, I... I ran into Bob in the hallway. He was questioning me about the tournament, accusing me of cheating."
Francis's face hardened at my words, a displeased expression passing over his features.
"Cheating? And you?"
"I swear I played fair," I replied quickly, the pressure building inside me. "But he was convinced I had some advantage, and... well, things got a bit tense... He walked away, and this morning I found this in my cell."
Deciding to omit the encounter with Tulley, I got straight to the point, pulling the card out of my pocket and placing it on the table. I could feel it almost incandescent now.
Munford looked at the card for a moment, his gaze narrowing as he studied it. The heat emanating from it was almost palpable, a strange aura that seemed to envelop the table.
"Is that... an 11 of clubs?" he murmured, his voice tinged with surprise and suspicion.
I nodded, my own confusion mingling with growing anxiety.
"Yes... I don't know, maybe Bob did this to scare me, to show that he has access to my cell, or to try to provoke me, knowing my fear of cell 11..."
My words were cut off when the guard's voice echoed through the cafeteria, interrupting our conversation as he announced that the meal period was over.
Francis looked at me with a serious expression.
"We'll talk about this later," he pointed to the card. "Mind if I take it with me?"
I nodded.
"No problem, feel free."
We began our march back to the cells, and I couldn't help but exchange glances with old Munford. He seemed to hesitate on the matter, as if he wanted to say something but was afraid. I made a mental note to speak with him as soon as possible. Our yard time would be in the next 4 hours, and I spent half of that time trying to ponder what had happened.
I don't know how long it took, but I fell asleep, sitting, with my back pressed against the wall of my cell. The dream, or rather, nightmare resulting from this was a disturbing experience.
I found myself standing, walking through the prison corridors in a way that seemed endless. The walls seemed to close in around me, creating a claustrophobic labyrinth that I couldn't escape. Every door I tried to open was locked, and the sound of footsteps echoed behind me, as if someone were following my every step.
Finally, I reached a door that was ajar, a dim light emanating from within. With a knot in my stomach, I pushed it slowly, revealing what seemed to be cell 11. But something was terribly wrong. A man was there, his back to me. Disheveled, uneven hair, a hunched posture, he was crouched down, rummaging through something I couldn't see, seemed to regurgitate. Suddenly, he stopped. He slowly got up and then looked at me.
Somehow, I knew that man was that prisoner, the one who had committed those atrocities and painted the eye on the damn cell. I noticed something dripping from his mouth, forming a red puddle in the center. On the wall, what seemed to be an incomplete sketch of the dreaded painting was there.
I watched, hypnotized by the horror before me, as the man slowly raised his trembling hand towards his face. Drops of that dark liquid dripped from his fingers, echoing in the oppressive silence of the cell. It was as if the very air was tainted with that impurity.
Before I could fully process what was happening, he began to move towards me, his irregular steps echoing like the distant clinking of chains. A visceral panic seized me, preventing me from retreating as he came closer and closer, his distorted figure gaining sharper contours as he advanced through the gloom. I could now smell the terrible scent he had, not just as something rotten, but a pure and concrete smell of death.
"Who... who are you?" My own voice sounded weak and trembling.
The man didn't answer. Instead, he kept advancing, his empty eyes seeming to pierce my soul. My heart was now pounding uncontrollably in my chest, a deafening cacophony that seemed to fill the entire space of the cell. I was about to retreat, to beg for mercy, when a voice whispered in my mind, a distorted echo reverberating like the sigh of a ghost:
"You... can you see? The watchful eye. He wants you. He liked looking at you."
The sound of my own breath echoed in the silence that followed, a dissonant note of fear and desperation. I wanted to scream, to run, to escape this living nightmare, but I was paralyzed by the terror that enveloped me like a coffin.
It was then that I woke up, gasping and covered in sweat, the echo of the whisper still resonating in my mind like a distant echo of a nightmare. For a moment, everything around me seemed distorted and unreal, a fleeting mirage, and then, I startled again. Munford was standing in front of my cell, staring at me with curiosity.
"Are you okay, son?" the old man asked in a soft voice, as if trying to calm a frightened animal.
I shook my head slowly, trying to gather my thoughts amidst the whirlwind of information.
"I... I think so," I murmured, my voice sounding strange and distant even to myself. "I had a horrible nightmare... It felt so real."
Munford nodded understandingly, his eyes fixed on mine.
"Yeah, the situation isn't good... but I came to talk about that letter, earlier in the cafeteria."
"Oh yeah, what about it?"
"Let's just say I've never seen a card like that, but the energy coming from it, oh yeah, I've seen that before."
"What do you mean?"
"You know, a few years ago, there was a murder in one of the cells. This was before Francis arrived, we didn't have much organization, lynchings were common, and in an attempt to reduce these incidents, we decided that the main suspect, a newly captured serial killer, would be forcibly transferred to cell 11. It was one of the most terrible incidents I've ever witnessed in here. And do you know how that man was known?"
I shook my head negatively. Munford leaned his hands on two bars, bringing his face closer to the center of them.
"The Card Cutter."
A wave of shivers ran down my spine.
"He used to leave playing cards as a kind of signature on the bodies of his victims. They say he would choose the card based on the person or the method of murder. So, when he was put in cell 11, things got even weirder."
"What happened to him?" I asked, a bittersweet and macabre curiosity in my mouth.
Munford sighed heavily, looking at a fixed point this time.
"A few weeks after being transferred, he was found dead in his cell. Hung with sheets. And next to his body..."
"What was it?" I could barely breathe as I listened.
"A playing card. An ace of spades, if I'm not mistaken. And that cell... well, since then, no one wants to stay there. They say it does something to people, kills them."
The shock of Munford's revelation reverberated in my chest, trembling as I thought about what could happen to Guard Tulley from now on, or worse, what could happen to us.
"So you think this card is... a warning?" I asked, my voice barely more than a whisper, staring into the old man's green eyes.
Munford nodded slowly, responding more to himself than to me.
"I can't say for sure, but it's a possibility to consider."
I swallowed hard.
"What should we do then?"
He fell silent for a moment, as if pondering his words carefully.
"I have no idea. I guess all we can do is keep quiet; we don't want to scare the other inmates. Francis doesn't believe in these things, so I won't waste my time trying to convince him, and I advise you to do the same. Maybe if we just keep pretending that nothing is happening, things will sort themselves out. But remember: whatever this force is, it wants to take you to the cell, wants you to face the eye. Resist those urges, okay?"
The clock struck 12:30. Time for yard time. I walked with Munford to the yard, the sun burning our heads as we stepped outside, futilely trying to erase the worry from our minds.
As I watched the other inmates spreading out across the yard, trying to appear normal, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to find Bob, his voice low and threatening.
"What did you tell Francis?" he whispered, he was behind me, and I couldn't see him.
The flesh on my back trembled and twisted, the fluid of fear rising up to my brain.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Bob," I replied firmly, trying to sound confident.
He paused for a few seconds.
"You cheat first, and now, you make up lies about what I did or didn't do."
"I think there's a misunderstanding-"
"Shut up!" his voice rose sharply "I'm just here to say that I'm not a kid, I don't go around sending playing card letters or anything like that. I didn't threaten you with that thing, but now I am, and in a very direct way, and if I were you, I'd sleep with one eye open."
He was dead serious, and the threat was as clear as day. But what could I do? Confront Bob directly like Francis? That could mean he wasn't trustworthy... My thoughts were interrupted by the guard watching us.
"You two, no contact!" he shouted.
"No problem here, officer," Bob said, pulling me into a hug that felt more like an attempted chokehold.
I tried to pull away unsuccessfully, and the officer seemed to simply not care.
"Okay, but we'll be watching," he turned away, and Bob shoved me against the yard bars.
"Listen here, Bob," I began, my voice firm, confused about where this courage had even come from. "I don't know what you're up to, but I won't stand still while you try to intimidate me. If you have something to say, then say it like a man. Otherwise, leave me alone." I pushed him away with my hand.
"You're a fool, you know that?" he muttered.
"I'm not looking for trouble, but if you want it, you'll get it. Let's just leave it be, okay? If anything happens to me, I'll make sure some people know and-"
My assailant's hand closed around my neck, tightening. I squirmed, struggling to breathe as I desperately tried to free myself from his grip.
"Going to call daddy? Look, Francis may have that whole attitude, but he won't do anything to me, or any of the guys," he remarked.
I noticed the usual group of big guys who hung around with Francis, they were watching us from afar, seeming to distract the boss.
"He's getting out in two months...but honestly, I don't think I need to wait that long."
I couldn't breathe. Fighting against the grip on my neck, my eyes desperately searched for any help.
"Let him go!" The guard shouted from afar, starting to make his way down the stairs to reach us.
Bob didn't obey. I felt my body losing strength, so I did what I could: I focused my strength into a clenched fist and punched the bastard in the stomach, aiming right at his gut. And judging by his expression, it worked. I saw him lean over, his hands releasing my body and being placed on his belly.
I knew if I let it slide, he would come back and continue to harass me, so that had to be a definitive response to the jerk that I wasn't an easy prey. I lunged at him again, this time with a well-aimed kick to his knee, trying to destabilize him. He staggered backwards with a groan of pain, falling to his knees on the yard ground.
The other prisoners now realized what had happened, and soon their shouts in a circle were audible.
"Go, get him! Don't hold back! Finish this guy off!"
I lunged at Bob, raising my hand time after time to punch him. He didn't take it lightly, grabbing my right hand as I prepared to hit him; I could feel the pressure applied to the joints, my fingers starting to crack, and I could feel them tense, about to break. In desperation, I threw myself onto him with the only weapon I had left: my teeth.
I felt the flesh of his neck between the rows of teeth in my mouth. Without thinking and trying to loosen the grip on my hand, I pressed on the pearly bones harder and harder, feeling them slide against the skin, the metallic taste slowly emerging as the flesh was torn.
The scene around me seemed blurry, as if I were watching everything happen from afar, in slow motion. Bob's scream echoed through the yard, mixing with the encouragement shouts from the other inmates. I felt a mix of adrenaline and horror as my teeth sank into his neck flesh, a strange feeling of power and disgust.
While still hunched over that bloody man, I felt the blows on my back: it was the guards. Their batons striking time after time as the adrenaline rush passed, and I now began to feel the pain. Without resistance, I let myself be pulled away. Bob wasted no time and moved away, stumbling as he covered the wound.
"YOU SCUMBAG, WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL ARE YOU?"
As I was being taken away, everything around me seemed blurred, as if I were in a state of stupor. The voices of the other inmates echoed in my ears, mixed with images of the fight that had just occurred. I still felt the blood running through my mouth, dripping lightly onto the ground and forming a trail of red dots marking my path. However, before we left the yard, our warden arrived at the scene, and the guards stopped, my arm uncomfortably twisted behind my body.
"What's going on here?" His voice was calm, but there was an unquestionable tone of authority in his words.
"He... he bit a detainee, sir," one of the guards explained, firmly holding my arm.
The warden looked at me, his eyebrows furrowed in disapproval.
"Why did you do that?"
My mind was spinning, trying to find a coherent explanation for what had happened. I knew it would be useless to tell about Bob's threat, about the playing card, about the fear he had instilled in me. So, I found the most plausible words I could gather:
"He... he provoked me, sir," I murmured, my voice trembling. "I... couldn't take it anymore. He was intimidating me, threatening me, and I... I lost control."
The warden looked at me for a long moment, as if assessing my words. Finally, he sighed, seeming resigned, approaching me with slow, steady steps.
"No, you did that because you're an animal."
He gave me two pats on the cheek, then wiped the blood running from my mouth.
"Take this one to solitary."
The prisoners began to shout, a real noisy commotion. I trembled at the thought of being locked up there. No one came back the same from solitary, but at that moment, I really think I'd prefer to go there than what was to come.
"But sir," one of the guards said, causing the inmates to fall silent in an attempt to hear something, "The solitary is occupied..."
The warden frowned, clearly irritated by the interruption.
"Then take him to cell 11," he ordered, his voice cold and authoritative.
That was the final blow, causing the uproar to become widespread, with even some inmates needing to be subdued with tear gas. I could see as I was pushed, Munford looking at me, a worried and distressed expression on his face; he said something I couldn't understand amidst the noise.
With my heart pounding erratically in my chest and my mind clouded with fear and uncertainty, I was led by the guards towards cell 11. Each step felt like it weighed tons, as if I were walking towards the abyss. I could feel the stares of the other inmates watching the scene, some with expressions of shock, others with a mixture of curiosity and indifference.
Finally, we arrived, and by this point, I was sweating uncontrollably; they opened the cell and threw me inside. My eyes instinctively closed as I fell to the ground. I didn't want to look at it. I got up, still blinding my vision, slowly groping around until I found the bed. I lay on it and turned to the wall beside it, my face as close as possible.
Lying on the hard bed, I could feel my heart beating so loudly that it seemed to echo off the concrete walls around me. Each beat was a pulsating reminder of my situation. I tried to push away the thoughts, but it was like trying to hold back a raging river with bare hands. All the while, I heard stories, heard things about that place, and now I was there, cornered by circumstances beyond my control.
Gradually, I noticed the thick layer of sweat forming around me. I could even feel my pores opening, pouring the water from my body in an attempt to cool myself in that stuffy, hot environment. I couldn't help but think about the heat of the card and... about Francis. He still had the card. Wasn't that dangerous? I fixated on musings about it.
In my feverish frenzy, time seemed to stretch infinitely in that dark cell, minutes dragging on like hours as I struggled to maintain my sanity. Every sound, every shadow was a source of growing anxiety until somehow, I fell into a deep sleep, dreamless this time.
I woke up in the middle of the night, with a faint noise coming from behind the heavy steel door. At first, I feared, wondering what it could be, but as soon as I regained my senses, I remembered where I was, and frankly, nothing outside could be worse. I cautiously approached the source of the sound, trying to listen better, when a "Hey, kid, it's me!" sounded whispered.
"Munford! Munford, I'm glad you're here, knew you wouldn't abandon me."
"Ha, I know, I know," he sounded nervous, perhaps hiding from the guards. "Look, I'd help you out, but I can't get it open from this side, try it there." A small plastic rectangle slid through the door gap. A credit card... I remembered I had done this many times before.
I grabbed the card and started working, carefully sliding it into the lock. Each movement was made with the precision I gained from years of street experience, trying not to make any noise that could attract the guards' attention. My mind was racing, and the tremor it transmitted to my fingers made motor coordination difficult.
Finally, after several minutes of trial and error, I heard a soft click, and the door opened slowly. I could smell the fresh air from the corridor and was already about to smile when, along with the bright light of a flashlight, I saw Bob, now with his neck and shoulder bandaged, along with three more of his cronies. Munford was being held by one, who held an improvised knife to his neck.
"Sorry, kid, they forced me," the old man lamented.
"Not so fast, princess." Bob pushed me inside, onto the floor, and then he entered with one of his cronies, closing the door behind him and illuminating me with the halo of his flashlight.
"What's up, Bob, can't you leave me alone?"
"You wanted to settle things, didn't you? Well..." he pointed to his wound. "You just signed your death warrant! But first, I'm going to make sure to pull out all your teeth and make you swallow them."
He lifted me by the collar of my shirt and landed a punch with his heavy hand. I felt dizzy, seeing stars, curling up into a fetal position. His laughter was now a terrifying melody to me.
"Look at this crybaby. Where did your bravery go?" He kicked my stomach, and I'm sure he found it an ironic poetic justice.
His cohort laughed until the beam of his flashlight shifted away from me.
"Hey Bob, what's that over there?" He said, simultaneously pointing with his finger and the flashlight.
Even though it was on the wall behind me, I knew what it was. I saw Bob straighten up to face it, becoming petrified. He and the other, standing there, mouths agape. I waited for seconds, counting mentally and holding my breath, expecting anything, but nothing. Until suddenly, I began to see small puddles forming under their lower eyelids, dark marks... of blood.
The red tears started to stream down their faces like large crimson waterfalls. Soon, they began to make a noise... a familiar noise, which made my mind freeze as I felt my toes curling inside my shoes and my mouth trembling uncontrollably. It was the same sound as Tulley's. They were now allowing these moans to escape their throats and resonate in the tight concrete walls.
I had to do something. I began slowly to pass by them, trying to edge around. When, however, I was almost reaching the door, I could see their shadows turning slowly in my direction. The tension in the air was palpable, as if it could be cut with a knife. I held myself back from trembling as I tried to maintain composure in front of those men, whose bloodshot eyes were now fixed on me, full of terror and despair.
"What... what's happening?" My voice came out in a trembling whisper, barely able to make myself heard.
Bob and his cohort remained silent. They began to walk towards me, and in desperation, I opened the cell door and slammed it loudly behind me, not caring about attracting the guards' attention. As I looked around, I actually noticed that this was a concern I didn't need to have.
The environment where I was wasn't what I expected, from the prison corridor. It was actually another cell. I stopped for a moment, confused, only to be surprised by a figure in the center of it. A man in a straitjacket looking at me with a petrified smile.
"I've been waiting for you," he said. His voice was blood-curdling, sounding like someone scratching a chalkboard with their nails or scraping a fork on a glass plate.
I tried to open the door but it was stuck. When I turned around again, he was leaning, his face inches from mine, eyes bloodshot. I almost fell backward. He laughed. It was like the last time, he had his mouth covered by a sticky red mass that dripped, probably serving as material for the painting, which now displayed an almost complete surreal eye. He turned and walked to the painting, and then he regurgitated it again. Since his hands were tied, he used his tongue as a brush, finishing the last line of the drawing.
"This," he whispered. "Is my masterpiece."
I was trembling. I had forgotten Munford's advice, and now I found myself petrified, just like the others, staring at the eye. I don't know how much time passed, but I felt like it was hours, days... years. All in the blink of an eye, or rather, in a stare without a single blink.
I tried in vain to regain my composure. Scenes of horror penetrated my mind. Cadavers, bodies marked by playing cards. Criminals, inmates being violently beaten with batons, pepper spray, and all sorts of luxuries the police can serve, I saw gang fights, blood, death, and abuse. I saw people being killed inside the prison. Each scene of violence that each of those who looked had already witnessed. My legs were no more than reeds in the wind now, and I just wanted to run away and scream, cry, and sleep to never wake up again. I tried to scream but the man came to me, placing his foot over my mouth.
"Shhh... you need to see."
He repeated this indefinitely. "need to see, need to see, need to see, need to see"
With superhuman effort, I managed to free myself from the weight of his foot on my mouth, but I could barely articulate coherent words. My voice came out trembling and weak when I finally managed to speak:
"What do you want from me? Why are you doing this?"
He simply continued smiling, as if my words were just another piece in his sadistic game. Then, with a quick and fluid movement, he approached me, so close that I could feel his fetid breath and the metallic smell of blood dripping from his mouth.
"Your mind is a fascinating playground," he murmured, his voice echoing in the claustrophobic space of the cell.
I felt tears running down my cheek, and I knew what color they were. I stood there, in shock, staring at the large painted eye, while my entire being was eaten alive in fear and dread. I don't know how much time passed, maybe the entire age of the universe, eternity, who knows. I woke up on the infirmary bed. Wires connected to my arm while a machine reproduced the "beeps" of my heart.
I looked to the side, seeing the green eyes of nurse Linda looking at me, concerned.
"Are you okay?"
"You need to see," I said, not even wanting to.
She frowned, evidently confused by my response. Linda seemed hesitant, as if she were trying to decide whether to ask more or simply ignore my strange statement. I could see the concern in her eyes, but also a certain curiosity, as if something inside her was intrigued by what I had to say.
"What do you mean by that?" She finally asked, her soft voice echoing in the silence of the infirmary.
I sat up slowly on the bed, feeling a wave of dizziness pass over me. My mind was still cloudy, as if I were struggling to emerge from a deep nightmare. I tried to articulate my words as coherently as possible.
"I... I saw things," I murmured, my voice still trembling. "Terrible things. In the cell... in there... something... something is wrong."
Linda watched me with a serious expression, her green eyes analyzing me carefully. She seemed to understand that something serious had happened, but couldn't fully comprehend what I was trying to communicate.
"Look... you and the others had a collective hallucination in that cell... The director has already arranged for an investigation, but we suspect carbon monoxide poisoning, we've already talked to him about the lack of windows in that place, but it seems he doesn't listen."
I stopped, confused by that information. Was I hallucinating? Well, maybe I would even think that if it weren't for what followed. A man in a dark suit entered. He had a serious and intimidating expression, and he asked Linda to leave.
"Listen here, young man, you're lucky to have come back. The others are catatonic... and probably won't come back to themselves. That's why your cooperation is extremely important, and we need to know: what did you see?"
I stumbled, recounting as much information as I could remember, from Tulley to Bob. The man listened to me without making any expression. After that, he took a radio that was hanging from his blazer and said some words that I didn't quite understand, something like "Ceter," "Queter"... and then he took a clipboard, handing it to me.
"This is your letter of freedom. Our proposal is as follows: We release you from prison and in exchange, you don't open your mouth about the specific events mentioned here," he pointed to the clauses.
That was five years ago, and given my freedom, you must imagine that not everything that happened is transcribed here, but the most important parts are. I ended up visiting Munford a few times after that, and I was horrified to discover that Francis, on the eve of his release, hanged himself with the bedsheet. The old man and I stared at each other after this discovery, in a mutual silent understanding. Shortly after, they closed not only the cell, but our entire pavilion, relocating the inmates. I never saw Munford or any of the others again after that. My nightmares persisted, but in recent months they have been much less frequent, and I think I might be slowly healing.
I wanted to say that this story ends well, with my rehabilitation. A troublesome prisoner full of stories becoming a family man. And it would be, if it weren't for the last 15 minutes of this morning. I believe you may remember that I received a letter this morning like that cursed number. I left it on the counter in the living room while I came here, to have breakfast and finish reporting this to you. When I finished the last paragraph, I went back to the room, but now, it seems like the whole nightmare is back.
I felt the tears, transparent this time, forming in my eyes. In the center of the room right now is Linda, holding the letter, looking at something in it that I can already imagine. She's standing there, wet and red stains on her face, I can hear her whispering "You need to see... need to see," and by God... I can see...

Glykeria, the holy martyr of Christ, was in her prime during the years of Emperor Antoninus (138-161), and when Savinos was governor of Trajanopolis in Thrace. Hailing from Trani, a seaport in the province of Bari on the Adriatic Sea, she was the daughter of a high-ranking Roman official. Upon her father's death, she became poor and departed for Trajanopolis.
Once, as Governor Savinos sacrificed before the idols, the holy Glykeria traced the sign of the honorable Cross upon her forehead. She then went before the governor, proclaiming herself a Christian and handmaiden of Christ. The governor summoned Glykeria to sacrifice to the idols. When she entered the temple of the idols, she prayed unto Christ.
Straightway, the idol of Zeus was destroyed when it broke to pieces. Enraged, the pagan bystanders cast stones at Christ's witness. However, none of the stones struck the holy woman. Since she remained unharmed, the pagans seized Glykeria and hanged her by the hairs of her head and then lacerated her body.
Afterwards, they imprisoned the Saint in a dungeon. Intending to starve her, they did not give her any food or drink for many days. An angel of the Lord brought Glykeria nourishment, and through this no evil befell her. Indeed, when the governor and his company entered her dungeon, they were astonished to find a platter and vessels containing bread, milk and water, though the cell was locked securely and no one entered therein.
The governor then sentenced the holy woman to be burned in a fiery furnace. However, a cool dew fell from on high, extinguishing the fire. Glykeria exited the furnace unscathed. The executioners then flayed the skin of her scalp to her forehead. Afterwards, binding her hands and feet, they cast her upon a layer of rocks in prison.
In her dungeon, an angel of the Lord descended and loosed the Saint's bonds. The angel then healed the injuries to her skull. Now this restoration was witnessed by the jailor, Laodikos. Amazed at this miracle, he, too, confessed Christ. Straightway, he was beheaded and received the crown of martyrdom.
Glykeria was then led before Savinos. The governor ordered her thrown to the wild beasts that they might devour her. Without incurring any life-threatening wounds or bruises, after she received a tiny bite from them, that blessed young woman surrendered her soul into the hands of God. Thus, after her manifold struggles, Glykeria, the namesake of sweetness, now delights in the incorruptible sweetness of Paradise.
Now we shall recount a miracle that suffices to manifest the maiden's boldness before God. Dositheos in his Dodekavivlos records that her holy relics were interred at Heraclea in Thrace. At Heraclea, a copper pot was used to collect divinely-flowing myrrh which gushed from the Saint's tomb. By means of this streaming myrrh, many received miracles, as also attested by Saint Theophylact of Ochrid. The Metropolitan of Heraclea, while in Constantinople, found an impressive gold pot. He bought it with the intention of substituting it for the copper vessel that received that sanctified outflow from the Saint's tomb. However, when the exchange was made, the miracles also ceased.
After shedding tears and making many prayers, the Lord revealed to the Metropolitan of Heraclea that the gold pot was unclean. The vessel was then brought to the Ecumenical Patriarch of Constantinople, Saint John the Faster (+ 595). The Patriarch discovered that the learned chief magician, Paulinus, an idolater, when casting a spell, shed blood into that vessel as a sacrifice unto devils. When this event was recounted to Emperor Maurice (582-602), the Patriarch sought legal remedy against such demonic practices. The Emperor sentenced the magician to be bound to a pillar until he died. Furthermore, the man's sons were beheaded as accomplices in their father's wizadry. O reader, keep in mind the severe punishment received by magicians and sorcerers!
Source

Glykeria, the holy martyr of Christ, was in her prime during the years of Emperor Antoninus (138-161), and when Savinos was governor of Trajanopolis in Thrace. Hailing from Trani, a seaport in the province of Bari on the Adriatic Sea, she was the daughter of a high-ranking Roman official. Upon her father's death, she became poor and departed for Trajanopolis.
Once, as Governor Savinos sacrificed before the idols, the holy Glykeria traced the sign of the honorable Cross upon her forehead. She then went before the governor, proclaiming herself a Christian and handmaiden of Christ. The governor summoned Glykeria to sacrifice to the idols. When she entered the temple of the idols, she prayed unto Christ.
Straightway, the idol of Zeus was destroyed when it broke to pieces. Enraged, the pagan bystanders cast stones at Christ's witness. However, none of the stones struck the holy woman. Since she remained unharmed, the pagans seized Glykeria and hanged her by the hairs of her head and then lacerated her body.
Afterwards, they imprisoned the Saint in a dungeon. Intending to starve her, they did not give her any food or drink for many days. An angel of the Lord brought Glykeria nourishment, and through this no evil befell her. Indeed, when the governor and his company entered her dungeon, they were astonished to find a platter and vessels containing bread, milk and water, though the cell was locked securely and no one entered therein.
The governor then sentenced the holy woman to be burned in a fiery furnace. However, a cool dew fell from on high, extinguishing the fire. Glykeria exited the furnace unscathed. The executioners then flayed the skin of her scalp to her forehead. Afterwards, binding her hands and feet, they cast her upon a layer of rocks in prison.
In her dungeon, an angel of the Lord descended and loosed the Saint's bonds. The angel then healed the injuries to her skull. Now this restoration was witnessed by the jailor, Laodikos. Amazed at this miracle, he, too, confessed Christ. Straightway, he was beheaded and received the crown of martyrdom.
Glykeria was then led before Savinos. The governor ordered her thrown to the wild beasts that they might devour her. Without incurring any life-threatening wounds or bruises, after she received a tiny bite from them, that blessed young woman surrendered her soul into the hands of God. Thus, after her manifold struggles, Glykeria, the namesake of sweetness, now delights in the incorruptible sweetness of Paradise.
Now we shall recount a miracle that suffices to manifest the maiden's boldness before God. Dositheos in his Dodekavivlos records that her holy relics were interred at Heraclea in Thrace. At Heraclea, a copper pot was used to collect divinely-flowing myrrh which gushed from the Saint's tomb. By means of this streaming myrrh, many received miracles, as also attested by Saint Theophylact of Ochrid. The Metropolitan of Heraclea, while in Constantinople, found an impressive gold pot. He bought it with the intention of substituting it for the copper vessel that received that sanctified outflow from the Saint's tomb. However, when the exchange was made, the miracles also ceased.
After shedding tears and making many prayers, the Lord revealed to the Metropolitan of Heraclea that the gold pot was unclean. The vessel was then brought to the Ecumenical Patriarch of Constantinople, Saint John the Faster (+ 595). The Patriarch discovered that the learned chief magician, Paulinus, an idolater, when casting a spell, shed blood into that vessel as a sacrifice unto devils. When this event was recounted to Emperor Maurice (582-602), the Patriarch sought legal remedy against such demonic practices. The Emperor sentenced the magician to be bound to a pillar until he died. Furthermore, the man's sons were beheaded as accomplices in their father's wizadry. O reader, keep in mind the severe punishment received by magicians and sorcerers!
Source

Special thanks to u/SpacePaladin15 for creating the NoP universe.
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I'd also like to thank u/xskipy10 for their awesome fanart of the main cast as well as their recent Tohba meme and their fanart of Michael baysitting. You're work is a treasure!
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Thank you as well to u/Accomplished-Golf-59 for his take on Michael, Teylim, and Tohba in his submission for the Banner Art Contest, and u/Spacer_Catgirl4969 for their awesome music video featuring a pixel-art Dohkar in his bar. Be sure to give ALL of these awesome creators your love and support.
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And let's not forget u/Guywhoexists2812 who has been an awesome source of memes as well as sick pixel art, such as THIS and THIS!!!! And even THIS!!!!!! And how could I forget THIS!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much!
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Today, we join Dohkar as he finally completes his mission and puts an end to the horrors of the Five Meadows Guild once and for all. Now all that's left...is to pick up the pieces...and prepare for whatever comes next... And finally...a family is made complete... LETTUCE...continue...
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Songs Mentioned/Used: N/A
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Memory Transcript Subject: Dohkar, Venlil Bartender Date:[Standardized Human Time] January 16, 2137
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I’m not sure what I expected to see or experience when I finally caught up to Albiel, but it wasn’t this. What I saw before me had me completely off-guard. Albiel, on the ground, with a plasma burn straight through his knee, and standing above him, was…
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“Jerrick…put…the gun…down…”
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I held my paws up, doing my best to talk him down. I hadn’t even SEEN Jerrick since the concert. Honestly, I hate him for what he tried to do to Mike, but looking at him now…all I felt as pity…
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His fur was stained from dirt, grime, and stars know what else. Just like Teylim, he had a collar around his neck, and his ears weren’t so much as pinned back, as they were just play glued back from all of the filth he’d no doubt been wallowing in this whole time. Albiel really did just lock him away in a cell the moment her was no longer useful.
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“HE DESERVES IT!!!”
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“I know. Believe me, I know. But this isn’t the answer.”
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Sure. I hated Albiel. I despised him. I detested him. And yes, I wanted to kill him, too. But for people like him, death alone isn’t enough. And it certainly wouldn’t help Jerrick in the long run.
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“Jerrick, listen to me. You’ve been through this exact situation before. At the concert, remember.”
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He flinched as soon as I mentioned that paw.
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“You could’ve hit that shit dead on. You and I both know it. But you missed on purpose, didn’t you?”
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Jerrick’s shaking got worse and worse. I could see the conflict happening behind his eyes. I could tell I was making progress when I saw the small twinkles building up in the corner of his eyes.
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Poor kid… Just a kid…
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“I…I-I just wanted a… j-just wanted him to-“
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“Be a father. I know… That’s what we all wanted. We were just pups, with no one to love us, to care for us, to help us grow.”
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At this point, I felt like I was talking to both of them now. I slowly took a step toward them, and then another, and another. I looked down at the pathetic monster at my feet. Bleeding…broken…and for the first time I think in his life…afraid…
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“We didn’t want some ‘grand purpose’. We didn’t want to inherit some empire. We just wanted a family.”
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I looked at Jerrick. I’d managed to get right next to him. I didn’t grab for the gun. I simply kneeled down beside him, and spoke calmly…
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“That’s why you missed, isn’t it? You saw what Mike had. You saw what you’d be taking away from them.”
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“It’s not fair… It’s just not fair…”
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“It never is…but you have to understand that you CAN still have that. I’m the proof. If I was able to walk away, and have a chance at a life and a family, then so are you.”
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For the first time, his eyes left his target and met mine. At that moment, I saw Jerrick for who he was, without any of the dogma, arrogance, or misplaced loyalty. He wasn’t an exterminator, PD patient, or a murderer. He was a child, just a child who lost his way.
​
“You didn’t have to pull the trigger then, and you don’t now.”
​
It was only then, that I held out my paw, and with more than a little hesitation, Jerrick handed it to me. Before I was tempted myself, I threw the thing down the hall. Before I could do anything else, I heard that same, smug, arrogant, if slightly choked up laughter coming from the absolute disgrace behind me. I turned to face my father, my abuser, my monster as his signature look of pride came back, his stupid horn glinting in the light of the building’s ceiling lamps.
​
“So that’s it, then? Just like that? Where is all that rage and fire I saw in your eyes, when I held that sub-sapient primitive in my grasp, and threatened to find and kill that spawn of hers?”
​
He’s baiting you.
​
I know.
​
“Even when you’re saving my life, you’re still a disappointment, Dohkar.”
​
“I’m not saving your life, I’m just prolonging your death.”
​
I held an arm out to shield Jerrick. I wasn’t going to let him bait me into attacking. Instead, I’d turn his stupid trick against him, and I wanted to make sure Jerrick was safe.
​
“You don’t deserve to die, Albiel. You deserve to LIVE, to sit in a cell and rot just like all the others whose lives you’ve helped ruin, and watch as everything you built crumbles down around you. You’re no leader. You’re just a pathetic disgrace to weak to stand on your own if you aren’t stepping on someone else to feel taller. And I’m going to make you live with that fact for the rest of your miserable life.”
​
And then, just a moment, the mask slips one last time…
​
“I’LL KILL YO-“
​
Whrp-prrrck!!!
​
Before he can lunge at us with the last of his strength, my tail wraps around his neck, and before he can choke out another word, his head is slammed into the ground…at just the right angle…to snap that horn of his at the base.
​
SLAM!!!
​
CRACK!!!
​
Just like that, it was over. Jerrick let out a shaky breath, staring down at our unconscious father figure. Before he broke down completely, I pulled him into an embrace. We just sat there, him crying, and me holding him in what was probably the first real hug he’d ever recieved.
​
“It’s alright, son. It’s over… It’s over…”
​
Eventually, he finally ran out of energy, and fell asleep. Once everything was calm, I placed a finger to my ear piece.
​
“This is 1-2 Dohkar. VIP subdued. Objective complete. Patients evacuated. Hostages secured. All hostiles neutralized. Mission accomplished. Over and out…”
​
Memory Transcript Subject: Teylim, Yotul Refugee Sponsor Date:[Standardized Human Time] January 16, 2137
​
My head was slightly foggy. I was barely paying attention to what any of the medics around me were saying. All I knew was my leg hurt, my ribs hurt, my pretty-much-everything-else hurt…and I missed my joeys…
​
“There you are! I was hoping I could catch you before they moved you.”
​
I turned my head and saw a pleasant, familiar, face approaching the cot I was laid out on.
​
Heeheehee. Handsome face…
​
These painkillers must be really something…
​
“Dohkar! You’re alright.”
​
“Yeah… Mission accomplished. It’s finally over.”
​
“Good. Wait. W-what about Tohba, Michael, and Khornel? I heard them over the loudspeakers but-”
​
“Easy, Teylim. Don’t strain yourself. They’re fine. They’re already on the way here.”
​
My mind was instantly put at ease for the most part. My body protested as I took in a long breath and let it out in a relieved sigh. They were alright. My joeys were alright.
​
[Transcript Time Progression: 15 minutes…]
​
“So I don’t think I’ve EVER seen YOU cry before.”
​
“I’m never living that down, am I?”
​
“Oh, absolutely not. The great, brave, oh so stoic Dohkar putting on the waterworks for Little Ol’ Me!”
​
“Pfft. Please. I was just sobbing in despair over getting stuck with two pups to take care of.”
​
“Ha Ha.”
​
Before I could chuckle at our stupid banter, my body quickly reminded me why that was a bad idea.
​
Ow! Ow. Yep. Still hurts to laugh.
​
Dohkar looked up for a moment and looked off into the distance.
​
“Huh. Speak of the devil.”
​
“MAMAAAAA!!!!” “TEEEEEYYY!!!!!” “MS. TEYLIM!!!!”
​
MY BABIES!!
​
We need our joeys.
​
YES!
​
With some effort, I turned my head in the other direction, and almost broke down instantly at what I saw.
​
My joeys…all three of them. I felt a paw on my shoulder before Dohkar left.
​
“I’ll…leave you to it… I still have to visit Clem and a few others.”
​
After a moment, the soldiers guarding the field hospital let them through, and they immediately sprinted to my side. I couldn’t have them in my arms fast enough. After a solid minute of their voices combining into a jumbled slurry of “Are you okay”s and “I’m so sorry”s, things finally calmed down enough for a full conversation.
​
“Mama….”
​
“My precious…”
​
Michael slowly lowered my Tohba into my arms, and as soon as he clung onto me, it felt like a massive piece of my heart and soul had been restored. He was alive! He was safe! They found him! And now he was back in my arms!
​
“MAMA!!! MAMAAAAAHAAAAA!!!”
​
“I’m here, Precious. Mama’s here…”
​
It hurt. My body protested against the weight of my joey. My arms burned and my breaths were still ragged, but I didn’t care. I held onto my Tohba like I hadn’t held him in cycles, placing lick after lick on the top of his head. Once I was content with my grooming, I held an arm out to bring my other two joeys in.
​
“Michael… Khornel… Thank the stars, you two are alright…”
​
“Tey…” “Ms. Teylim…”
​
“I heard you two over the loudspeakers. You did so well. I’m so proud of you…”
​
We stayed like that for a while. As much as holding them hurt, I just didn’t want to let go. We did finally break free of our group hug however, when one of the soldiers came along and gave Khornel a salute.
​
“Are you Ms. Khornel?”
​
“Y-yes… That’s me…”
​
“One of the other patients is asking for you. Clem?”
​
“YOU FOUND GRANDFATHER?!”
​
“Yes. He’s currently receiving medical attention but he’s stable. I can take you to him if you like.”
​
Khornel jumped to her feet and almost sped off right there, but hesitated after looking back at the rest of us. Michael simply gave her a nod.
​
“Go. We’ll catch up.”
​
Every single feather she had ruffled in excitement before she let the soldier lead her away. I tried to listen as she got further and further away. Eventually, I was able to hear her.
​
“Grandfather!”
​
“Little ‘Nel! My Little ‘Nel!”
​
I couldn’t help but smile.
​
I’m so happy for you, Dear.
​
And speaking of dears, I looked back up at Michael. We were alone now, just the three of us. He’d been remarkably silent this whole time. Now though, once he was sure no one else could here, he broke down completely.
​
“I’m sORrY, TeY. I aM so, SO, SorRY…”
​
“Sssshhhh… It’s alright. Whatever for?”
​
“I sHouLD’Ve bEEn tHeRE. I ShOUld’Ve BeEN aT tHe hOUse. I shOuLdN’T hAve-”
​
“Hey… Hey… None of that… Michael, sweetie look at me…”
​
Michael sniffled and wiped away his tears, doing his best to hold it together. His bright blue eyes were filled with regret, regret that was entirely undeserved. All I had to do to prove it was point out the joey in my arms, fast asleep.
​
“You found Tohba. You kept him safe. You agreed to stay behind even if you didn’t want to. And when the time came, you all found a way to help without putting yourself or the others in danger. You could NOT have handled yourself better today.”
​
I strained to raise up my free arm and cup the side of Michael’s face in my paw, wiping away another tear streak with my thumb. I looked into my son's beautiful eyes with all the love I could muster.
​
“I am SO…proud of you.”
​
Without another word, he held my paw in his hand, nuzzling into it with his cheek. I finally had my boys with me again. And for the first time in a long time…everything felt like it was going to be alright…
​
Memory Transcript Subject: Tevis, Magistrate Intelligence Operative Date:[Standardized Human Time] January 16, 2137
​
I walked around the grounds of the field hospital. All around me, human medics and professionals were tending to the patients and hostages. The raid had been a success.
​
Albiel was in custody… UN Custody…
​
Many of the other exterminators were deaf from WHATEVER THE HELL that human did over the intercom.
​
I watched as a large Krakotl was led to one of the elderly patients by a soldier.
​
“GRANDFATHER!!!”
​
“Little ‘Nel!!!!”
​
The two embraced, the smaller Venlil running his claws through her feathers.
​
“My Little ‘Nel…”
​
“I missed you so much, Grandfather. I’m so sorry I let you get-”
​
“Don’t you dare blame yourself. I’m just glad you’re alright…”
​
I shook my head and continued moving. So that’s another family that will need housing. Pretty much every patient here is going to be a personal settlement case all on their own, with, more than likely, PLENTY to say about the state in which they were held in…
​
I watched a frantic looking Gojid enter the hospital constantly looking around.
​
“Scolina?! Has anyone seen my daughter?! Scolina?!”
​
The Gojid eventually made their way closer towards the Krakotl and old Venlil from before. One of the Gojid patients on a nearby bed seemed to hear his call.
​
“D…Daddy…?”
​
The two made I contact, and the younger Gojid was almost immediately tackle hugged by the elder.
​
“‘LINA!!! My sweet little ‘Lina, I’m so sorry!!!!”
​
“DADDY!!! DADDY!!!”
​
They broke away from the hug for a moment as the older Gojid looked in horror at the burn scars covering the girl.
​
“Oh, ‘Lina what did they do to you?”
​
“They…said it would fix me… Am… Am I fixed now, Daddy?”
​
Just hearing the words seemed to make the man break down entirely all over again.
​
“There was never anything wrong with you… I should never have sent you to this place… It’s all my fault…”
​
“Daddy…”
​
Judging from the girl’s speech patterns, she must’ve been taken in while she was a pup, which meant lots of special education as well as whatever this human “therapy” was.
​
What a load of sanctimonious-
​
I calmed myself before I could go on a rant.
​
After doing the rest of my rounds, watching more and more people reunite with their family members, I walked off and went make a call back to HQ. As far as I could tell, this was the rundown: The bar was now filled with dead and/or dying exterminators, the Guild Office was filled with dead and/or dying exterminators, Albiel was now in custody, there were still exterminators on the Guild roster that were MIA, pretty much all the patients were now out and able to give testimony, and I had a LOT more paperwork than usual to take care of.
​
Yep! Just about NOTHING has gone to plan.
​
Time to change that…
​
[Warning!: You Are About To Access Restricted Files: Continue?: Y/N…]
​
[The Following Is A Clip From A News Broadcast Archived By Magistrate Intelligence…]
​
[The clip opens up on a well-groomed Venlil reporter behind a desk with the logo of “Prime News”...]
​
“Tensions rise once more in the Soulroot District as events continue to heat up in their border village of Five Meadows. We here at Prime News have been following the events of what is now being labeled, ‘The Five Meadows Incident’ over this past month, starting with the failed assassination of a human refugee and seemingly ending with the temporary shutdown of the Five Meadows Extermination Guild as a whole. However, while the crisis with The Guild does seem to have passed, things are still not well in that small border town. We go now to our newest seeker, Rose McDermott, out in the field. Rose?”
​
[The camera changes to view a female human reporter standing in front of what appears to be a border checkpoint…]
​
“Thank you, Talen. As anyone who has been following this incident with us would know, just two weeks ago, I was just actually IN the town of Five Meadows, just outside the former Guild Office, watching as patients, hostages, and soldiers alike were treated for their injuries and traumas. However, before we could get any interviews, we were quickly escorted from the premises by Interim Guard officials. And while The Soulroot Magistrate HAS released a public statement regarding the situation, their actions have led many to question their intentions, this checkpoint behind me being one chief example. As said in their public announcement, The Magistrate is now enforcing a full lockdown of Five Meadows, stating their intent to track down any exterminators who escaped the raid on their office and are still considered, “at large”. However, after the events of the Five Meadows Incident, many incriminating recordings being leaked online, as well as the upcoming election, many are wondering if The Soulroot Magistrate truly had the people’s best interests at heart. Back to you, Talen…”
​
[The camera changes once more to show the Venlil reporter. They seem to take a breath before reshuffling the papers on the desk…]
​
“Now…you all watching are more than aware of my opinions on such things as Extermination Guilds and Predator Disease Facilities. But…this is a news station. We can’t just sit here blindly theorizing and getting lost in conjecture. My opinions aside, and leaving just the facts alone, it is clear that what has happened in this small town is nothing short of tragic. And we here at Prime News will continue to cover these events as they unfold. And to any who are in or even from Five Meadows, our hearts and minds go out to you, and we hope you remain strong in these uncertain times. This is Talen with Prime News…signing off…”
​
[Clip ends…]
​
Memory Transcript Subject: Teylim, Yotul Refugee Sponsor Date:[Standardized Human Time] January 24, 2137
​
“I’d like to thank you for joining us today, Ms. Teylim. I do hope you’re healing well.”
​
I gave a smile to the kind man on the monitor as I shifted on the motel room bed.
​
“Thank you. It’ll still be a little while before my leg is able to be walked on normally, but otherwise, I’m healing well. Thank you, Dr. Jacobson.”
​
“I’m glad to hear it. Now then, onto the reason why I asked for this group session. It appears there’s been a slight breakdown in communication between you and Michael…”
​
I gave a confused look to Michael, sat on the other bed in the motel room. He shifted uncomfortably and simply looked down at his hands.
​
“What kind of breakdown?”
​
“It seems that ever since things have been…brought out in the open between you two, he’s stated that he’s been experiencing ‘guilty’ feelings whenever trying to express affection.”
​
“Is this true, Michael?”
​
“It’s just… I don’t know what it is. I felt like…like I was wasting your time…”
​
“Wasting my time?”
​
“Tey… Be honest… When…exactly…did you start thinking of me like your son?”
​
I did my best to think back. Honestly, after the first time he sang for us was probably the first time I felt something like that, but at the time, I just thought it was leftover mom hormones from having Tohba.
​
“Honestly, the first time I felt something akin to motherly love for you was after you sang for us the first time. You just…looked so sad, lost, confused, and scared, and I just…gravitated towards it. Afterwards, things calmed down somewhat, but when I really started feeling it was Thanksgiving.”
​
“Oh. I wasn’t aware that you tried having Thanksgiving. It makes sense in a way, though. That holiday, along with Christmas the following month, have great emphasis on spending time with one’s family.”
​
Suddenly, a horrifying realization popped into my head.
​
“Oh no! Michael, we forgot to celebrate Christmas!!”
​
“Tey, it’s fine. All the present deliveries got canceled, anyways.”
​
“It is not ‘fine’! We are celebrating Christmas! I don’t care if I have to drag a tree into this room myself!”
​
“Ugh… Fine…”
​
After a moment of laughing at ourselves, Dr. Jacobson continued.
​
Well, we’ve established that one end of these feelings truly began around Thanksgiving. What about you Michael? When would you say you truly started seeing Teylim as a mother figure in your life?”
​
“Honestly…I don’t know… Not for sure, anyways. In some ways, it feels like she’s always been that way to me, but maybe that’s just because even after just meeting her, she was already treating me better than my own mom did.”
​
Honestly, I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. A part of me was giddy that he’d apparently always thought of me as a mother to him, another part was completely shattered by just how much his birth mother had affected him. It was like hearing his tale of abuse all over again.
​
“I think…once I got used to actually calling her that in my mind, that was when the idea actually became real. That’s when I really started thinking about her as my mom. Not A mom…My mom… But even then, I just…couldn’t say it, no matter how hard I tried. Like I said, in some ways it just…always felt like she was my mom. So when I think about how long it took me to actually start acknowledging it and expressing it… I just…feel guilty. I wasted so much time…”
​
I turned and sat facing toward him. I couldn’t let him truly believe that.
​
“Michael, it could’ve taken three days, three months, or three years. I would’ve accepted your love whenever you were ready.”
​
“But you shouldn’t have had to! You shouldn’t have had to wait for me just to get over myself.”
​
“Michael…”
​
“The fact is…you were right. That egg donor that gave birth to me isn’t my mom…you are…”
​
My heart skipped a beat as he looked straight at me, my mind filling with just those last two words.
​
I…am…
​
“You’ve done more to raise, love, and nurture me in three months than my birth mom did in TEN YEARS. And you DESERVE a son that’s actually capable of accepting your love and giving it back. And I just…wasn’t able to do that…”
​
I felt my heart breaking more and more. I had no idea he’d been feeling this way, and I wanted nothing more than to help him through it.
​
“But that’s over now. I’m done blaming myself for something that wasn’t my fault. I’m done letting the words of a monster dictate what I am. That’s why I want to keep having sessions with you and Dr. Jacobson. I want to get better. So that I CAN be the son you deserve.”
​
Oh, Michael. If only you knew. You already are.
​
With some mixed feelings, I pulled over my satchel. There was something I’d been meaning to give him for a while now.
​
“Michael, you are already a wonderful son, one I wouldn’t trade for the world. I’ve already said that much. And I’m so happy you’re committed to getting better. There is nothing I want more than your happiness. When you were about to leave, before the concert, I was so scared I was about to lose you. The way you so easily gave up like that…it scared me. It felt like…like I failed.”
​
“Tey, I-”
​
That’s why…”
​
I slowly opened up my satchel and pulled out a small packet of papers. They were a bit torn and faded after fishing them out of the wreck that was my office, but I managed to find them.
​
“I got these for you.”
​
I handed him the papers and watched intently as he read them. I won’t lie, most of it is legal mambo jumbo that even I can’t fully understand, but I could tell exactly when he got to the important bit. I’d memorized that one beautiful line:
​
I, Teylim Andrews do hereby fully and officially acknowledge ________________ as my-
​
“Tey… Are these…adoption papers?”
​
“You’re only half right.”
​
He looked up from the papers, his eyes full of shock and awe.
​
“You ARE a full, legal, adult, by both human and Yotul standards, so I can’t technically ‘adopt’ you. BUT, what we CAN do, as legal, consenting adults, is BOTH agree to sign these papers, fully acknowledging each other as family, me as your mother, and you as my son. This does a LOT of weird, quirky things involving Venlil law, mostly involving inheritances and insurance. BUT the most important thing, is that by legally becoming a part of my family, the door is open to you for FULL. CITIZENSHIP. You won’t have to be a refugee anymore.”
​
Michael was speechless, just looking back down at the papers.
​
“Tey, I… I don’t know what to-”
​
“You don’t…have to sign if you don’t want to…”
​
He looked back at me, waiting to hear me out.
​
“At the time, I’d only gotten these to show you as proof, proof that I really AM serious about this. I truly DO see you as my own, Michael. And paper or no paper, that much will never change. I truly, completely, and purely…love you. And I want nothing more than for you to be happy…”
​
I looked down at my own paws. I knew that presenting him with this choice meant having to accept the fact that he might say no. So, I just curled in on myself and braced for it…just in case.
​
“But…I know that you’re still healing. I was going to give these to you after the concert. But then you got shot, and even after that, you were still recovering. I wanted to make sure things were slightly calm again before going through with it. Now, I know it’s a big decision and I completely understand if you don’t feel comfortable-OOF!!!”
​
Before I could even react, I was pushed backwards, fully wrapped up in a giant hug.
​
“MIchael! What are you-”
​
“I’ll do it… I’ll sign…”
​
With just those five words, I found myself struggling to find a response. My heart was racing and I couldn’t even tell if I heard him right.
​
“You… You mean-”
​
“I want to sign! I want to be your son!”
​
For a moment, I was still paralyzed. My rapidly wagging tail was the first part of me to move before I practically dove into him.
​
My son! MY SON! MY SON!
​
“OH, MICHAEL!!!!”
​
I couldn’t contain myself. I hugged. I squeezed. I nuzzled. I licked. I kissed. I held…my son. MY! SON! And soon, not even a government official would be able to say otherwise.
​
And then…as if I needed any more confirmation. He uttered four more words. Just four. Four words that I’d never heard him say before, at least not together, and not toward me. Still, hearing him say those four words…the last time I remember being that happy…was when my Tohba was born.
​
“I love you, Mom…”
​
Did he just call us…?
​
Mom… Mom… MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM!!! HE CALLED US MOM!!!
​
“I love you so much, my joey! Mama loves you so, so, so much! Never forget that.”
​
“Mom…”
​
Our lovely, perfect moment was then interrupted by the only thing that could’ve made it more perfect. A small, adorable yawn came from the small crib behind us.
​
“Mama…? Whad goin’ on?”
​
I turned to see Tohba peeking through the bars at us. It appeared our little moment had woken him from his nap.
​
“Hmmm… Tell me, Michael. Now that things seem like they’re becoming official, is there anything you’d like to say to young Tohba as well?”
​
“\sniff** Yeah… I think there is…”
​
I watched with bated breath as Michael walked over and plucked Tohba from his crib, before sitting next to me. Tohba, for his part, looked really worried, probably because we were both complete sobbing messes.
​
“Mikey zhad?”
​
“No, Bud. I’m not sad. I’m happy, happier than I’ve been in a long time.”
​
Tohba didn’t seem entirely convinced yet. He only seemed to get more worried when Michael composed himself and took on a somewhat serious tone.
​
“Bud? There’s something REALLY important you need to know. So, I need you to listen real close, okay?”
​
Tohba’s fear only seemed to grow. The last time Michael said something like that was when he left for Twilight Valley.
​
“Tohba… You…are the BEST…baby brother a guy like me could ever ask for. You hear me? The BEST…”
​
Tohba’s fear and worry seemed to go away for the most part, only to be replaced with partial confusion.
​
“Mikey…bwudhew…?”
​
We both almost broke again just from that one, adorable word. Michael was quick to confirm it, nodding frantically as he tried to hold it together.
​
“That’s right… And your big brother, Mikey loves you SO much, Tohba. SO…much… More than you’ll ever know…”
​
“Mikey…beeg bwudhew…”
​
Tohba seemed to take a moment to think, trying to truly comprehend the words he just said. Once he understood however, it was impossible to hide his excitement. His tiny tail became a blur behind him as his eyes lit up with glee. Before he could react, Tohba used his still developing hind legs to launch himself into Michael’s face.
​
“BEEG BWUDHEW!!!!”
​
“OH, JEEZ!”
​
In a flash, Michael was knocked onto his back, laughing as Tohba licked and nuzzled every inch of his face.
​
“MIKEY BEEG BWUDHEW! MAMA! MIKEY BEEG BWUDHEW!!!!”
​
That was it. That was what finally broke me. I sobbed openly and clapped as my Tohba shared the amazing news with me. Mikey IS beeg bwudhew.
​
Once his energy had wound down, Tohba saw fit to simply snuggle into Michael’s arms, letting out a long, contented sigh, as if anything that could’ve possibly been wrong in his tiny, perfect world had been made right again.
​
“Wuv you, Mikey… Wuv you Beeg Bwudhew…”
​
“I love you too, Bud. I love you so much.”
​
I couldn’t hold back any longer. I rushed forward…and held my boys in my arms. And in this one…perfect moment, I could only think one thing.
​
I love my boys. I love my family. I love my life.
​
Next

I managed to get the Ecoflow Delta Pro + Extra Battery for a good price and will be placing it in my shed. The battery will be powering a couple of lights, a set of battery chargers (for tools, etc.) and the base for an automower. I can mount solar panels on the single-slope roof of my 10X10 shed, which has good southern exposure. I'm posting here to ask which panels would be appropriate for this use-case. The specs for the solar input into the Ecoflow Delta Pro are: 1600W Max, 11-150V, 15A Max. Signature Solar is offering the REC 370W Mono for $105 apiece. Say, 3-4 of those should be good right?
Edit - Oh, and I believe I don't need an inverter, right?

"Great days and glorious victory! My name is Spifflemonk and welcome to my Letsplay! Today I am back from my medically mandated break from playing human videogames after a rather... cathartic experience with a game called Teardown. Subnautica, even among humans, is labeled as a notorious experience with... mixed reception for its sequel. A survival crafting game apparently. I have experience with those so presumably the gameplay loop should be predictable enough. So... Let's go in!"
Spiffle starts the game, going for standard Survival Mode, with aspects of food and water mechanics alongside health and oxygen. The game loads very, very fast with Spiffles overpowered computer, and the introduction sequence begins. The camera pans to the panicked sight of the payer character moving down a ladder followed by a sight of a starship above exploding.
"Oh dear... oh dear! They weren't kidding about survival! Do I even survive this or am I a ghost or something..."
The pod rattles, the screen shakes, a fire extinguisher falls from its mounting. Velocity causes the pod to dislodge a panel from a wall and it flies around the cabin. The panel flies into the player's screen, making it go black.
"Oh... well okay then. I uh... well."
Spiffles' character awakens and panics at the buttons securing him to the seat. Spiffle quickly figures out that fire in this game is in fact bad, and grabs the fire extinguisher, putting the fire out. The game's introduction plays, showing his PDA, the game's inventory UI.
"Oh! I have seen these things in real life when visiting human stations! Do all humans have these?"
Spiffle starts exploring the escape pod, noting all of the damage to the radio beacon and the wiring panel.
"Hmm... craft the repair tool... Well... For later I suppose. Now how do i-AH, the ladder!"
Spiffle clicks on the ladder and goes through the animation. The character exits and dramatically stands. Spiffle looks around. His face visibly pales as he looks in every direction, finding the only thing nearby that looks 'safe’ or like 'land' is the destroyed ship in the distance.
"Water... it's... water... everywhere! How big is this game's map!? Structural hull failure... zero human lifesigns detected. That's.. not nice. Well... Here we go!"
Spiffle jumps into the water. His mood changes, the underwater environment significantly different than above ground. The water is absolutely teeming with life and color, as Spiff swims towards a reef to stare at some coral. Spiff gets distracted and starts chasing a fish, specifically a Peeper, and grabs it.
"Oh! Good god! THAT'S how humans catch fish!? That's very... inefficient! What is this thing? Can I eat it? I know I'm supposed to take care of my food and water, so how do I eat it?"
Spiffle wanders about for a while, gathering resources and exploring his general location, eventually getting back to the pod. He had gathered up a decent amount of stuff while he was swimming around and accessed the Fabricator to see what was available.
"Ah! I see, the fabricator cooks things too. Uhm... cooked fish thing and... these transparent fish give me water bottles? Okay then! Well. Sorted for food anyway. Let's see. Copper wire, batteries. A Scanner? Does that mean I can like, scan things and tell what they are? And... Oxygen tank? Oh hell yes. I'll build that then."
Spiffle goes through the process of building a few things, checking out how the game's crafting system works, and spending more time collecting resources. He quickly realizes how much work he has to do and finally finishes making a Scanner.
"Okay then well... I can see how much time is going to be spent collecting resources so i'm going to edit all of that out and keep you all in the loop on all the fun parts instead."
Spiffle continues playing, inserting a creative, albeit mildly annoying fanciful scene transition in between resource loops. He comes to a cave looking for salt to make more equipment, when he encounters the first hostile enemy of the game: The Crashfish. He does not notice it at first, the strange sloppy noise it makes as its pod opens, the beast makes a terrible gurgly noise and charges straight at him.
"What is that noi-AH! OY! OI! OIIII what are you what are-!"
Spiffle is cut off as the fish explodes, causing him to lose half his health. He quickly surfaces and takes a breath.
"Okay then... OKAY... THAT... makes absolutely no sense from an evolutionary perspective... but okay then. Avoid those. What even was that? I can't even scan it because it was moving so fast! Gods... exploding fish."
Spiffle shakes his head and resumes his hunt for resources, eventually finding enough for a repair tool. He makes the repair of the pods' broken wiring and looks around a bit more, noting some of the details in the game.
"Hard to believe these games are over eight hundred years old! I keep getting requests to play 'them gud ol' gamez' instead of any new releases. Maybe I'll get to those eventually. I have quite the backlog though."
Spiffle quickly tabs out and shows the huge list of human made games on his list that he has been gifted or purchased himself. The list includes Space Marine, Starship Troopers, Spyro Trilogy, Crash Bandicoot, and so... so many more.
"I am also told about this thing called 'anime', whatever that is. Maybe I should look into that. Anyway..."
Spiffle shrugs for now and resumes playing, swimming around for a bit before finally deciding to use his scanner. He gets the first scan - the Acid Mushroom - and painstakingly reads the supplied article. He then goes on a scanning frenzy, scanning each thing he can find, comically chasing after various fish and objects, trying to scan them then taking an irritatingly long time to read the article aloud.
He gets to the point where he encounters his first real hostile enemy and tries to scan it. The stalker, of course, doesn't appreciate that, and attacks.
"Oooh what's this thing? Oh lovely, it's a big one. Can I scan it? The... Stalker? Oh okay is it friend-OW! NONONONO go away!"
Spiffle panics and scans it while running away from it, trying to swim backwards. He's so focused on scanning it he can't run far enough away that he gets ambushed by another Stalker nearby and manages to scan it just as he gets hit with his first Death in the game.
"Oh.... o...kay. Well... it seems things aren't as friendly as expected. I'm going to guess there's more things like that around. So... I'm just going to finish working on repairs and equipment then I'll take those things on."
Spiffle reads the article on the Stalker he scanned and spends more time collecting resources, scanning local entities and building the rest of the gear he has. Fins, high capacity O2 tank, rebreather and some more food and water which he stores in floating containers for later. He starts to explore a bit farther in search of fragments to scan and finds a Sand Shark, as well as a biome resembling a desert-like area. He encounters his first piece of the wrecked ship here.
"Oh! Hello! Pieces of wreckage! What are these for now do you suppose? Can I disassemble these for resources or-Oh! Is that a door? Oh! I'm supposed to go in here and look for things? How do I get in? Oh I can't. I need a laser cutter. Is one of those here? Need more fragments I guess..."
Spiffle gives up trying to enter and goes up for air, then returns to the floor to hunt for fragments. He eventually unlocks the Bioreactor, pieces of the Scanner room, a couple fragments of the Seaglide and Seamoth. He comes across the first cave entrance to the Mushroom Caves Biome.
"Oh... oh my. That's... deep. Good thing I unlocked the Seamoth thing. Its a miniature submarine I think. I can use that. But that's... kinda scary. I can't see the bottom. I kinda see just... purple. Mostly purple. But it scares me that I can't see the bottom."
Spiffle hangs around the cave entrance for a bit before a call for Oxygen forces him to the surface. He swims back down to the cave entrance and then hangs around a bit longer before once again resurfacing, heading for some new things to scan. It is however at this point that Spiffles exploration is cut short.
"EMERGENCY - SEISMIC READINGS SUGGEST A QUANTUM DETONATION HAS OCCURRED IN THE AURORA'S DRIVE CORE. THE CENTRAL DARK MATTER REACTOR WILL REACH A SUPERCRITICAL STATE IN -"
The computer aboard the PDA shakes Spiff out of his daze and he quickly rushes to the surface and looks at the ship.
"Wait wait wait what's that!? What's going on!? I see the ship? The Aurora! That's what its name is? Whats a Dark Matter reactor and wha-"
The computer continues its countdown muffled by Spiffs panicked squealing and he has a front-row seat to one of the most spectacular explosions in the history of gaming - the Aurora's Reactor Detonation.
It happens. The world goes dead silent for a short moment, and one can see Spiffles heart visibly stop beating. Then explosion as the Aurora lets out its magnificent blast. As the shockwave expands outwards, Spiffs skin visibly turns a paler shade of blue, and his eyes go wide. The sound of a geiger counter follows, leaving him breathless and pale as the world suddenly goes dead quiet again. The sound of the geiger counter ominously leaving him shaken even more than he already is.
"FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE - THE RADIATION SUIT HAS BEEN ADDED TO YOUR BLUEPRINTS."
Spiffle stays completely silent, bobbing in the water for a solid few minutes, staring in shocked wonder at what he just witnessed. He regains his composure for a few short moments and returns to his scanning venture, but one can easily see he isn't in the right mind after that. He returns to the seabed, at the entrance to the mushroom caves and dives again. He does this several more times, popping up to the surface, looking at the shipwreck, then diving at the entrance again. Finally, after much hesitation, he dives one last time.
"Screw it. it's just a game right?"
He smiles at the camera with a shrug and swims far below the surface, into one of the caves. As he enters the cavern his jaw drops at the sight of a massive underwater cavern filled with gigantic glowing pink mushrooms. The Mushroom caves as they are known. He spots something in the distance, entranced, forgetting his oxygen situation. He cant get far however and a terrifying shriek of some unknown entity shakes him out of his stupor.
"What in the red dawn was that noise!?"
Spiff can't finish asking his invisible audience what's going on as he strays too close to a mushroom, occupied by a Crab Snake, a gigantic sea worm. He is grabbed from behind, spun around and he visibly panics as the giant worm digs its enormous tusks into Spiffles character. Spiffle immediately freaks out, a combination of both the terrifying shriek emitted by the creature and the shock of being attacked makes poor Spiffle jump out of his seat and duck under the table.
"GOWAYGOWAYGOWAGOWAYGOWAY!!!"
The worm comes back and finishes Spiff off before his oxygen runs out. Spiff's character respawns but the footage continues, a slight whimper can be heard in the background as Spiff hides under the desk. This carries on for a few minutes, and his head very slowly appears above the desk. He gingerly puts himself back in his seat and breathes heavily for a bit. When he finally gains control, he tabs out of the game and takes a look at the wiki for Subnautica. He returns a few moments later and stares at the camera in that strange haunting glare he's become so famous for.
"WHY DO YOU STUPID DEVELOPERS NOT PUT GUNS IN THE GAME IF YOU HAVE SHIT LIKE THAT!? ARE YOU INSANE!?"
He grabs the camera and shakes it violently as he rants at it, questioning why there are guns in every other human game he has played and not THIS specific game, especially considering how there are 'giant water snake monsters that eat your face' in a game with no guns. He rants for a good minute or two then plays his outro.
TOP COMMENT: "Are you absolutely sure after Teardown, Factorio and Project ZOMBOID, you should be playing Subnautica? I mean seriously, try something less... psychologically terrifying. It's known as Thalassophobia Simulator for a reason."
_______________________________________________________________
"Great days and glorious victory! My name is Spifflemonk and I still don't understand why we have giant worm monsters but we have no guns!"
Spiffle stares at the camera with an expression that can only be summarized as 'Seriously bruh?' and resumes his last playthrough. He becomes confused at the lack of stuff in his inventory.
"Why is my... Why do I not ha-Oh right... I was eaten. When you die your inventory is wiped... I need to build more tools then."
Spiffle starts some silly music, an alien version of Benny Hill to a montage of him collecting resources, occasionally ranting at various oddities and questioning game logic. He restores all of his tools then goes hunting for a Vehicle Bay fragment so he can build the Seamoth. He continues to scan what he can, developing something of an obsession with the task, then painstakingly reading every word about it to try and understand it. It is at this point Spiffle, during his explorations finds another derelict chunk of ship near the desert region, encountering his first Sand Shark.
"What... What is this? Oh... careful Spiff. This one looks angrier than the last one you found. Wh-What in oblivion!?"
Spiffles attention is once again diverted by the appearance of a Reefback Leviathan and its signature low drone. This one appears to be a fully grown adult.
"You-you... You've got to be... You gotta be fucking kidding me. A Juhara Eelfish!? WHAT IS THAT DOING IN A HUMAN VIDEOGAME!!!??"
Spiffle squeaks in shock as he sees a creature that is an absolute spitting image of a large oceanic dwelling sea creature, which is both the games and his native homeworlds version of a Whale. The Reefback has some dissimilarities, but its close enough to the real thing that Spiffle is genuinely shocked. He quickly pauses the game, opening various wikipedia articles, then displays a full picture of both Subnautica in game Reefback, and the Juhara-Kal-Rehar, colloquially known as a Juhara Eelfish, a shockingly similar creature that lives in his homeworlds oceans.
The only difference between them is the color of the exterior chitin shell. The Reefback has a blue/purple shell, the Juhara Eelfish's chitin has a red/green shell.
"WHEN was this game made!?"
Spiff checks, the current Earth-date is the year 2886. Humanity only entered the galactic community in 2752. Subnautica was released in 2018.
"HOW.... How is that even possible!? You didn't even know the galaxy existed until only a few decades ago, yet you almost PERFECTLY matched the appearance of one of our homeworlds native species! How is this even possible!? Okay. If the name matches then I have to call bullshit."
Spiffle approaches and scans it, then reads the data article.
"A... Reefback Leviathan? Oh thank God... Now let's see... A herbivorous creature that... that likely got so large due to the fact that its predators went extinct. Well... that's... okay... A hard chitinous shell of multiple layers, a microcosm of different creatures and flora growing from its back, hence the name. Hmmm..."
Spiffle gets that cold, empty stare on his face and glares menacingly at the camera. The screen goes black, then returns, seeing Spiffle nursing a beverage of some kind while wrapped in a blanket.
"I realized something... Call it a message from the Ancestors or a Divine revelation. But I have a funny feeling this isn't going to be the last time I see a creature from the galaxy represented in human media. I hope to the Gods that doesn't happen... the concept of this situation is nothing short of terrifying. In any case, I'm sorry about that. Lets.... let's continue."
Spiffle resumes where he left off, doing his usual routine of scanning, then obsessively reading. Eventually he unlocks the Vehicle Bay, and returns home to his pod where the situation with resources is growing obscene with at least fifty floating resource containers hovering around the area.
"Alright... A Vehicle Bay... This means I can build things like the Seamoth now. This will be nice. Right, I shall for the sake of my audience skip the resource collection mechanic that's here and focus on the actual result. I shan't waste my time either though. MONTAGE!"
Spiff yells excitedly and a montage to that same odd Benny Hill type music plays out, with him collecting the resources he needs to build both machines. Most of it is already in the floating containers strewn about. With a few visits to the fabricator, he compiles the Power Cell, Titanium Ingot and Lubricant he needs to make the Vehicle Bay. He deploys it and chases it to the surface just away from the pod in the deeper end of the shallows.
"Right... Not too hard. Let's see then, how do-Ah. Get on it and... The Seamoth. Cost of two glass, one titanium ingot, a powercell, lead and lubricant. Right."
He quickly gathers and makes everything he needs for the Seamoth, then stands on the platform ready to go. He chooses the Seamoths recipe and the sequence starts. His eyes light up as drones start flying around the platform, then begin assembling atom by atom, the small, adorable minisub known as the Seamoth. It finishes the process and flops into the water with a splash.
"My gods look at this thing! It's so cute!"
Spiffle explores the sub for a little while and hops inside it, testing the controls and playing around with it a bit to see what it can do.
"Hm... Maximum Depth, 200 meters? So if I go below that does it implode or something? I need to be careful of that. OH dammit I remember! I have to make that Radiation Suit don't I? I shall do so now!"
Spiffle seems to have found a new resolve, quickly gathering resources together and making both a Seaglide and radiation suit in short order.
"Does this thing have any weapons? How do I repair-Oh... Repair tool? That makes it easier I suppose. Now... Where do I go now? Is there anything I can do?"
Spiffle stumbles about in the blind for a few minutes, trying to figure out his next course of action beyond simply wandering aimlessly while scanning things. He gets back in the pod and fixes the radio beacon. His face visibly contorts into an expression of irritation when he hears his rescue is in 9999 hours. He resolves to come back every now and then to check the radio. He decides to gather more resources to make up for building the seamoth and comes back a bit later. He finds a radio transmission when he returns.
"RADIO: ▀▖┗▛Nine new biological subjects designated. Mode ▄▖▜▚┣: hunting/analyzing.
Sharing subject locations with other agents."
"What... in the Nine Hells was THAT!? Why was it in such an odd voice? What was that language? What were those letters!? Somethings going on here... SO now what? I have the radiation suit. i guess... go into the Aurora? Oh no, I'm not going in there unprepared! Lemme make some tools and spare batteries, then i'll go in. I need... Oh... I need more fragments is what I need."
Spiffle resumes his fragment hunt, looking around for fragments of various tools. He uses the Seamoth to traverse around.
"WHEEE!!!"
Spiff seems more than just a bit happy as he trundles around in the Seamoth, using his speed to launch himself out of the water. He splashes about a bit, testing the limits of the craft and trying to see what holes he can squeeze himself into or out of and how deep he can go.
"Okay okay. time to get to serious work. Now... I need to find... A Laser Cutter and a... STASIS RIFLE?! Wait... rifle? That means GUN! I NEED A GUN!!"
Spiffle charges forward towards the desert biome where he found the Reefback and resumes his search for things to scan. It is now he comes across a Reginald.
"What... IS this fish? Wait, let me just..."
He gets out of the Seamoth and scans it.
"Huh... Reginald. That's a... fish? It's so cute! Wait, come back friend!"
Spiffle spends an unreasonable amount of time trying to catch a Reginald. When he finally catches one he gets back in the Seamoth and heads towards the aurora, new friend in tow. He trundles over to the side of the crashed ship and scans some random stuff here and there, finding fragments to a few small items, including a few he needs such as a Powercell Charger for the Seamoth’s battery. He gets close to the front of the ship and the haunting, evil noise of Subnautica's most iconic killer suddenly echoes through the gloomy water.
"What... Was that? Is it another worm thing? Please don't let it be one of those..."
Spiffle wanders around the side for a bit longer. An ominous shadow looms in the background, catching his eye. He ignores it for the moment and simply carries on, eventually arriving at the entrance to the ship. Through the mangled steel and fire he squeezes into the front of the ship and looks around. The environment ominously rattles and his screen shakes as the ships structure isn't exactly stable. The howl of the creature in the shadows makes Spiff even more uncomfortable.
"I... Do NOT like this. I really dont."
Spiff parks the Seamoth where he can see a ramp leading up, and gets out. He is immediately accosted by Cave Crawlers and uses his knife to defend himself, poorly, but he gets rid of the three or four around him.
"WARNING: SCANS SHOW THE DIGESTIVE TRACTS OF INDIGENOUS LIFE FORMS CONTAIN HUMAN TISSUE."
Spiffs face turns an even paler shade of blue and he swallows visibly as if he's trying not to vomit.
"Yeuch... I can scan this thing and read it later. I don't want to be here any longer than I have to."
Spiff scans and follows the path to the interior, uses his fire extinguisher to put out some fires in the area and gets inside. The ship rumbles as he wanders around and gets into one of the rooms. He finds the poster of the P.R.A.W.N. Suit.
"Ooh! A poster thing? Can I take it or? I can! PRAWN Suit eh? Can I actually use that thing?"
Spiff takes the poster, scans some furniture and collects a PDA. Spiff continues down the corridor and retrieves his Propulsion Cannon from his inventory and uses it to pick up some furniture in the way.
"I am SO glad I got this thing from scanning the area before I came here. This is super useful! I wonder if it has other uses..."
He gets to the door and looks at his databank.
"Hmm... Here it is! Code for the door is 1454. Right."
Spiff moves through, repairing a door to get the Seamoth Depth Upgrade Module. He continues and clears a fire to enter the main reactor. His inner loot goblin shines through and grabs the Cyclops engine efficiency module before he starts work on repairs, scanning the breach and starting work. It doesn't take him long, but he gets issues with a Bleeder that lives in the waters. He scans one then finishes repairs. Foolishly, he uses the propulsion cannon and shoots the bleeder at one of the reactors, undoing his work. He looks at the damage he caused and repairs it.
"Well... what was I expecting... Why did I do that? It's a CANNON... why did I aim it at the reactor exactly? So stupid..."
Spiff finishes and heads to the PRAWN Bay, and looks around at the damage. He spots the prawn suits and starts scanning, grabbing a storage module upgrade from a console and starts extinguishing flames so he can scan. He runs out of fire extinguisher juice though.
"Blast! Can I still scan these if they're on fire?"
Spiff walks around, finding cheeky angles he can use and scans the debris, finding all four fragments he needs. He heads upstairs and goes through the rooms and everything he can find. He gets into the Galley and sees the Kitty in a Space Helmet Poster.
"What the- 'Keep Calm'? What in the blue balls is this? It's.... cute! What is this creature!? Can I keep this? I can!"
Spiffle excitedly grabs the poster and moves on. He goes through cabins, picks up PDAs and collects the Natural Selection 2 poster, the Prawn suit in the sea poster and the collectible arcade toy in the locked cabin. Lacking the code to the Captain's cabin, he returns to the prawn bay and tries swimming around, eventually finding a passage in the hull debris to the rest of the ship. He moves through in silence, recovers the black box data and exits the ship. He removes debris, grabs the local wildlife with the cannon and tosses them into fires or the water with glee.
"BEGONE BEAST!!! Ha! Right... uhh... where did i park? Oh, there it is. Should I go home? I wonder if there are any fragments I can use around here?"
Spiff exits, finding Liefpod 4 floating upside down on the surface of the water. He collects the PDA data and a new blueprint. Then, as he gets in the seamoth, the horrifying roar of the Reaper Leviathan suddenly sounds. Spiff is thrown into a panic, screams in terror and tries desperately to get away. The beast appears with jaw chomping and claws clawing at the poor Seamoth. The entire time Spiffle is screeching like a bird with a broken leg, his entire body now an almost ghostly white out of absolute terror.
"GOWAYGOWAYGOWAYGOWAYGODNONNONOGOWAYGOWAY!!!"
Spiffle manages to get out of its grip and in a panic charges away towards his lifepod and continues to scream, breathing hard between screams. He gets to the pod and then hides under his desk, continuing to scream. His channel outro plays.
TOP COMMENT: (This has been translated from Eridani) "I am starting to believe this whole sojourn was a very BAD idea. Do you humans have those kinds of beasts on your homeworld? How did you ever survive them?!"
RESPONSE: LOL no we never had Reapers. The only Leviathan Class creatures we have on our planet are Whales. And they're mostly peaceful plankton eaters. Mostly.
RESPONSE: (Translated from Eridani) "Seriously? I think I find it more terrifying that these creatures are made up in your minds. What kind of nightmares do you people have to be able to create this level of fiction!?"
RESPONSE: Do. Not. Ask. This is only Subnautica - we have FAR worse.
Spiffles response: "You're going to make me play these 'far worse', aren't you?"
RESPONSE: "Damn right we are! :)"
________________________________________________________
"Great days and glorious victory! My name is Spifflemnonk and welcome back to Subnautica!"
Spiffle looks visibly stronger, his usual lanky appearance now looking like he's been working out like a Gym Bro. One can see muscles on muscles and Spiff seems to have an abnormal amount of energy.
"I am now relaxed. It is now time to get eaten by giant scary sea monsters. And yes, before you ask, I have successfully finished fully soundproofing my office. And also yes, I am indeed expecting a new addition to the brood... THANKS DAMN HUMANS! You and your damn musical magic nonsense..."
Spiffle starts the game and is swimming outside the pod next to the Seamoth. The first thing he does is repair the seamoth from the damage incurred by the Reaper, and recounts what hes been up to, checking inventory and equipment. He heads to the radio and gets a new transmission.
RADIO - "This is Avery Quinn of trading ship Sunbeam. Aurora, do you read? Over.'
'Nothing but vacuum. These Alterra ships. They run low on engine grease, they send an SOS; you offer to help, they don't pick up.'
'Aurora, we're out on the far side of the system, it's going to take more than a week to reach your position, do you still need our assistance? Over.'
'I'll try them again tomorrow. Damn charter's going to have us wasting our profit margin running errands for Alterra.'
'See what the long-range scanner picks up in the meantime."
"Oh? Oh lovely! There ARE people in this game! I wonder when they will be here? Meh, I have things to build, so I'll keep an eye."
Spiffle resolves himself to start building a base, trying to find a good spot. He finds the Mushroom Forest Biome and starts gathering resources to ferry them around. He installs the Depth Module and the Storage module to the Seamoth, then builds the Moon Pool. The Mushroom Biome becomes one of his favorite spots and a close encounter with a JellyRay cements it.
"Those creatures are beautiful! Look! JellyRay! Its glowing blue and pretty! I love that! Oh... I have a new radio message. I need to listen to that then."
Spiff returns to the pod and listens to the message.
RADIO - "Aurora, this is Sunbeam again. We just picked up a massive debris field at your location.'
'I didn't know how bad... How many of you... I didn't know.'
'We are now en route to your location. We're going to bring you home. Sunbeam out.'
'What else can I say? The only time I parked a rig this big on a rock that small was in VR, and I blew it'
'Oh, it's a bad option alright, but so are all the others."
Spiff smiles and carries on working, parking the Seamoth inside after powering everything up.
"So lovely! But... Is that a win condition? I know human games by now I have played enough of them. Is that a win condition? Get rescued? I dunno..."
Spiffle carries on building for a little and gets a storage system up, spending a few in-game days transporting resources to his new base. He returned to the pod and played a new radio message, again from the Sunbeam.
RADIO - "This is Sunbeam. Y'know, Aurora, we're from a little trans-gov on the far side of Andromeda, and we have a saying there.'
'There's no bad without the good, no good without the bad.'
'Sounds like you tasted a bunch of the former, but that only means you're overdue a whole lot of the latter.'
'Might just be we're it.'
'We're scanning for somewhere to park, we'll be in touch when we find it. Sunbeam out."
"Ohh... That... that's a lovely saying! What was that uh... There's no bad without the good, no good without the bad. I like that! I think i'll have that framed on my wall! Now lets see.. i ca- I CAN GIVE THE SEAMOTH A NAME? OOHHHhh okay, okay.. I can customize the color too! I think I'll just do this..."
Spiff leaves the name as 'Seamoth' for now, changing the color to a mix of purple for the main, and blue for the trim and name color. His two favorite colors. Spiffle does a little more work, acquiring the last fragments for the Cyclops and starts gathering together the resources necessary to build it.
"Hmmm.. Cyclops... Personal large scale submarine capable of carrying other vehicles! Ooohhh I want to build that! I need to fetch the Vehicle Bay though. Im almost done moving house!"
Spiff returns and packs up the last of his resources, then gets another radio message.
RADIO - "Aurora, we're approaching the planet now, and we have a landing site for you that's... well, it's better than the alternatives.'
'We've sent you the coordinates.'
'It'll take us a couple of days to align our orbit, we should be able to establish direct contact with you during that time, then we're coming in to get you.'
'Cross your fingers the weather holds, and don't leave us waiting. Sunbeam out."
Spiffle gets a new beacon on his HUD. Sunbeam Landing Site.
"What!? Is this game over If I'm there!? Okay... well. At least it's no longer terrifying! I'll get the Seamoth and go for the beacon then. I hope it's okay... Strange... this... doesn't feel like the end, you know? But if it is then it is."
Spiff heads home, deploys the Vehicle Bay and deposits his gear and resources. He heads towards the location, occasionally squealing 'WHEEE!!' as he uses the Seamoth to jump out of the water like a dolphin. However, he miscalculates and the Seamoth jumps up, out and sustains a bit of damage as it hits a rock formation close to the surface. He gets out, repairs it and looks at the camera.
"Why no I didn't just damage my Seamoth by having too much fun. I don't know what you are talking about. Hehe."
Spiffle smirks at the camera with a glare and carries on. Eventually, he encounters the largest of the Islands in the world.
"Wh... WHAT. This has been here the whole time!? Is this an island? Who cares! LAND! Sweet land!"
Spiffle now notices the timer and hops onto the island from his Seamoth. He walks up to the landing zone and stops dead in his tracks at the sight of the massive al;ien structure known as the Quarantine Enforcement Platform. In essence, a giant alien cannon.
"What... the *beep* is THAT?"
Spiffles' editing has gotten better, his editor learning how to censor Spiffles foul language, in both English AND Eridani. He moves closer to the building, scanning the broken tablet and the Forcefield Controls.
"What is this? I mean it's clearly alien... What do the codex entries say... 'possible to reconstruct the device' Oh... hmm.. I can make more of these then. 'Matches no known technologies... functions like a lock'. Okay then so... Standard video game logic I guess. That's nice! So A purple tablet will unlock the gate there. What are those?"
Spiff moves towards the Cairns marking the way into the island, pathways leading up the mountainside. He follows them, finding a Purple Tablet in the process on one of the pathways.
"Oh! Lovely! That saves me resources and a trip I guess. This pathway keeps going though. hmm... Welp, we still have thirty minutes, so let's go."
Spiff explores the pathway, getting lost a bit before finally figuring that following the large cables is a good idea. He comes across the Teleportation Arch and scans it, in between dodging the Cave Crawlers.
"Right, let's see... Alien Arch... not much to speak of here. Maybe this thing will be useful later I guess. Likely.... Hmmm..."
Spiffle continues exploring and eventually finds himself back at the forcefield with another twenty minutes to go.
"Screw it, let's go."
Spiff activates the forcefield platform and the animation of the key being placed plays out. He moves into the building, activating both data platforms and acquiring two Ion Cubes for later, scanning everything he thinks he can scan. He enters the Moonpool in the bay and gets two more Ion Cubes, plus data on a rifle and a Doomsday Device. He ignores it for now, acquiring one more purple tablet and accessing the control room.
"Right... what's in here? Hmm... Energy Core, right. I shall scan that and... press button?"
Spiff presses the button. An animation plays where a device locks his characters hand in place, viciously stabs it with a pointy metal bit and then releases it.
"OH GODS what the hell! Why is that?! That's just nasty!"
"THE TERMINAL IS BROADCASTING A MESSAGE. TRANSLATION READS: 'Warning, infected individuals may not disable the weapon. This planet is under quarantine.'"
"Quarantine! What? Infected? I-Hold on...."
Spiffle gets his scanner out and performs a self-scan. It is only now he notices something very bad has happened.
"I-infected!? Wait, what!?"
"SELF-SCAN COMPLETE - DETECTING STATISTICALLY SIGNIFICANT BACTERIAL LEVELS. NO ADVERSE EFFECTS DETECTED. BE VIGILANT FOR SYMPTOMS."
"Oh brilliant! Does that mean I can't leave? I KNEW IT! Wait... weapon!? This is a weapon!?"
Spiffle panics and runs out of the facility as fast as he can and waits the last few minutes for the Sunbeam to arrive. Sure enough, it does. In the last 30 seconds, the Sunbeam plays a message.
RADIO - "Survivor, we see you!
'Man, I don't know how you held out down there.'
The sunbeams message plays, and Spiffle gasps in terror from the sound of the gun platform starting up and starting to move around.
RADIO - "We've broken atmosphere and we're descending towards the landing site.'
'Is that a building down there?! What do you mean you can't identify it?"
The weapon powers up and turns, aiming itself high at the sky.
RADIO - "Hold on, no turning back now.'
'Positions everyone, touching down in 10, 9, 8-'
The weapon charges up and a loud vicious hum can be heard echoing through the valley.
RADIO - "It's coming from the building?! Change course, set thrusters to (full)-"
The radio goes to static, the weapon fires and the Sunbeam is vaporized instantly by a massive blast of bright green light. The sunbeam disappears, its hull structure completely disintegrated. Spiffle sits in stunned silence as the platform returns to a stable position, shuts down, and everything goes quiet.
"Well... Okay then... That was... horrifying. I guess thats all we have time for! Hehe! Oh dear..."
Spiffle looks a bit defeated as he sits back in his seat.
"S-see you next time! I guess... Holy shit..."
Channel Outro plays.
TOP COMMENT: "Are you okay? You seem a little bit too disturbed by that. Its fine though, compared to what happens in the Rise Of The Ancients Mod, this is tame! Lol! I love that mod!"
Spiffles Response: "Please don't make me play that mod..."
((Authors note - due to how bastardingly huge Subnautica is, this will be a multi part series. Other Spiff stories will come inbetween. Hope you enjoy!))

My name is not important. I was born January 2nd, 1993 with Cerebral Palsy. My mother and father were loving in raising me at an early age. So loving in fact, that my five year old sister became resentful of me and mistreated me for the next 15 years of my life. She would often treat me like I was useless, or ignore what I needed. I remember being 6 in the Santa Claus Day Parade with skin tight pajamas on in -15 weather. The doctor said I could've had hypothermia. I remember being 7 and watching the Hunchback of Notre Dame, with her saying "see, that's you!" as my mother bought me the Quasimodo doll. I remember being told that I would "Never make it" in highschool because I was a loser in her eyes.
This is where the problems started.
I can forgive my sister, for what happened, and have since move past it, but the self deprecation started there. It did not help that for a lot of my childhood, my father was clinically depressed and rarely talked about my life or needs or concerns. I still remember in February, 14, 2001 when Dale Earnhardt died him curled up into a ball on the couch. He became depressed for many years. I also got molested by my cousin around this time (which was a fun memory to remember)
With a Depressed father and antagonistic sister. My growing up life was less then ideal. Of course it didn't help that when my friends would come over for a sleepover, my sister would make fun of me. It taught them how to use my own insecurities and vulnerabilities against me, and it was pretty easy. Getting a word in edge wise while having a physical disability is pretty tough, and its even tougher when everyone labels you the goofy dumbass of the group.
This kept getting worse and worse until high school, where my friends would simply demean me. I felt like I couldn't compare to them, and they just wanted to see me do funny things. I quickly taught myself to be the court jester in order to crave attention: constantly demeaning myself in order to achieve the goals I needed to achieve. Demeaning myself was the only way I had control in a body that I couldn't control.
By Grade 12, I truly did hate myself. I got all the attention I ever wanted. Heck I even won Prom King. But still, people did not treat me as their equal. I was always the stupid one. This coupled with the fact that no girl was interested in me was very frustrating.
I went into University with the hopes of dating. I met a girl who was super Christian. Like the whole "I don't drink and have premarital sex" schpiel. She said if I became religous like her she would "definetely" fall madly in love with her. So I went to her church, did everything I asked, all for her to say at the end of it "No I can't date you. And I can't do it because your disability would be a burden on me". Might as well just killed me right there and then. But I moved forward
By the end of university I had graduated and become a school teacher. I soon then met my ex Girlfriend Christine. Christine also had Cerebral Palsy and lived in British Columbia. I fell for her. She fell for me. We would talk virtually for hours and we were both happy.
Until one day that happiness turned to abuse. Every weekend I would spend 4-6 hours helping her with her schoolwork, only for her to say that I was "selfish" and "not trying hard enough". Due to my depreciation of myself by most in my life, I believed her. And so I was now in a cycle of being with someone who would only show me love when I did things for her. Sometimes I would get emails that said "I wish I could hit you". And somehow, I kept going
She pressured me to move to British Columbia to be with her 3 years later. There was no way she could move to me. Her mother (who I believe now is a narcissist), would always get involved in our conversations and the two would gang up on me, beating down any kind of backbone I could have. As her mother said to me once, "Remember Darrell, I always get my way"
I moved to BC. in July 2022 I felt relief at first as I thought I would never have to fear Christine again. I mistook my elation for freedom, when in actuality it is submission. As soon as I got to BC, I began to be heavily abused by her mother and her. Her mother for example, called me the nickname "boy". Like "Hey boy, go get something out of the fridge". She also once yelled at me for saying "Hi" to her in a text, because that was disrespectful and I am "Not like one of your students".
It just kept getting worse. Every day I would trudge over to Christine's house (a 1.5 km walk), and I woud sit with her and help her with feeding, or video games, or art, or schoolwork. I became enmeshed in her life, considered myself co-dependent. I didn't think about my needs or wants anymore, only hers. After all, that's what I thought being a good boyfriend was. I went home in September for a week. Christine was angry with me, calling me not dedicated enough. She would call me a piece of shit when she was mad at me.
I started thinking I was co-dependent. I even made A reddit post about it here:
https://www.reddit.com/AmItheAsshole/comments/xaesky/aita_for_going_home_and_seeing_my_parents_instead/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
This should've been the biggest hint looking back, but I kept thinking that I was the problem. So I went back home and I read a book about Codepedency. Eventually I contacted the author and sat with her for a session. I wrote the following in my Explanation to her:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1alWZHZW8oCY3qJrQCLZ86Me1K_vuQqTM/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=100060198783867941141&rtpof=true&sd=true
And you want to know what she said when I asked for a solution? "I don't know". Because if someone is codependent on you (as I realize now my girlfriend was with me), the whole point is to make them do thing independently. Except you can't do that with someone with a disability. So, I'm now entering a territory where solutions to my problems DON'T EVEN EXIST.
September and October go by. Christine and I talk about me being more independent. She says she agrees but then goes back to her old ways. I ask her in November, "Can I go home to see my parents?" she responds with "I guess you're not committed to me". And accuses me of being a Mama's boy. Her mother gets in on this, and when I say my sacrafices should prove my dedication to her, she responds with "she's sacraficed by waiting for you". So I am convinced and I tell my parents I am not coming home. My parents get even more worried that I am getting controlled (and I am). My sister gets involved. She tells me I'm no longer part of the family because I keep going back and forth between going and not going. She thinks I am being abused. She's totally right, but at this point I am being brainwashed to think that I am not enough and need to prove it to Christine and her mother. She tells me to "not bother coming home". So I now have 3 people constantly calling me a shitty person: My sister hates me because I am not coming home. Christine hates me because I am not good enough for her, and her mother, Nansey is reinforcing all of this heavily.
To make matters worse, Nansey is constantly age regressing me. If I want to go to a movie with Christine, I must schedule it with her mother. If I want to stay over and cuddle Christine, she must call her mother in approval. I can only take the route home she approves walking home, otherwise she will get angry at me. I must keep my apartment tidy at all times. She wants me to buy certain foods. She will tell me if I am being fair to Christine or not. Lots of Triangulation between the 3 of us: some in my favor, some not, but always with her mother in control. If I get mad, her mother says that I have anger issues.
With these three forces constantly pulling me, I begin to develop CPTSD. It is a 4-way psychological abuse, where I must pick between my family (with a member who hates me), and my best friend (who Ashley has gotten involved) or my partner (who also hates me). Either way I am screwed. A paradox. So the tug of war begins for the next few months. My body is storing all of this trauma, not knowing what to do with it. I begin to experience dissociation, and derealization. I remember putting my hand on a stove to see if I could feel it (Thanks Kanye for that idea). My cerebral palsy is already brain damage, so we are now adding brain damage on top of brain damage.
My cerebral Palsy coupled with CPTSD begins to destroy my body. I am constantly tight due to CP, and now the PTSD gets added to the mix and I need the hardest dopamine hits imaginable to stay alive. I turn to pornography and masturbation as an outlet, acting like a feral animal in order to stay afloat. Every Saturday, I begin my night after seeing Christine by getting an edible, wearing a diaper (which I found self soothing however fucked up it is), and I masturbate.
But as the pressure begins to get to be too much, I start getting addicted to crazier and crazier pornography in order to keep myself alive. I am fully dissociating when I do this, because I don't want to feel anything. I basically become suicidal and think to myself "what's the point of even existing" and start doing anything to get that hit. It is at this point I begin to turn to CP (yes that kind) in order to fulfill my urges.
I go home at Christmas. My sister is still angry at me and I am scared of being around her too. She gets my best friend to yell at me and they both make me feel like shit. On New Years Eve, I write a suicide letter. I have full intentions to end it.
But I go back to BC and the trauma bonding continues. I keep telling Ashley that I know Christine is bad for me, but I can't have the confidence to end it. Of course, now I know that it is trauma bonding. This continues for another few months, as I try to make both sides happy.
In March, my sister wanted me to go to a MUSE concert, and so I secretly flew out to Ontario to see the concert, all while faking a background in my room to make it appear to my girlfriend like I was back home (this is how scared I was). After the concert, I get on a plane back to BC just so I can see my girlfriend for 2 DAYS, then fly back to Ontario for a week. Essentially I did 2 round trips from Ontario to BC in a 72 hour span, just to make other people happy while lying to both sides.
By April, Summer was fast approaching and I had very little money left. Nansey suggested at the age of 31 that I work at Red Seals Summer Camp, a job usually designed for teenagers. I realize I have to get out or I will be age regressed to forever.I decide to commit to my old job late April.
At the beginning of May, Christine yells at me from 10 AM, to 8 PM over texting because her mother wouldn't allow her to make a video call. When her mother leaves, she turns on video and yells at me until her worker forces her camera off No matter what I do, I can not make her happy. I know the end is approaching. I want to go over to her house to end it the next day, but she won't let me.
I leave to go see my parents on May 24 weekend. When I come back, Nansey will quarantine me for 2 weeks at my house. I need to break up with her face to face. And after a week, I get that chance
I meet them in public, in the park. Nansey comes over to me with a written list of demands and "stop signs" for the both of us. She demands that if either one of us get mad we hold up the stop signs. As soon as she leaves I listen to Christine talk and read her demands, On it? "When I am angry, please don't respond to me"
These aren't written by Christine, they're by her mother. I tell Christine that I cannot tell the difference between her and her mother. I tell her its over, and walk away with the stop sign and list of demands in hand. Nansey eventually finds me and rips these out of my hands. I am terrified. I run home and lock my doors. I type an account of everything that happens. I go to the police, but no crime has been committed according to them,
I am all alone in BC now with very few allies. I am terrified as Nansey could come any time she wants, I block her on everything so she cannot speak to me. But back in September, I gave my copy of the apartment contract to her to make photocopies. She keeps these and starts harassing my landlord. She says that whenever I drop items off at the house (to give Christine back her stuff) I am harassing them. I want to die, but as long as I stay in my house I am okay. I start selling my stuff hoping to go back home by July. I even start to heal a bit, but I am so terrified that I am constantly in a Freeze because of the looming threat of Nansey
And then the cops came and seized my house 2 weeks later. Throughout all of this time while being totally traumatized, totally terrified, and completely abused, I had used CP. They take me out in handcuffs and seize most of my electronics. I had used CP because while being abused I was suicidal and hated myself. An act of self destruction, taken to the max by a brain that had both Cerebral Palsy and CPTSD to manage. Also a way to masturbate and still get the cortisol out of my system.
I am in a cell for 6 hours. The police talk to me but I am barely in sane mind. The lawyer I talk to says that they'll just search my stuff. They find CP in a few areas. When they ask why, I only respond with the word "Innocence".
I am back in ontario now, its been 6 months and they're still doing the investigation. My life is over, and I don't think I had any control over any of it. And it was due to CP, CPTSD, and CP
I am pretty sure I will end my life, as after doing extensive research its nearly impossible to prove in Canadian court that Psychological Abuse caused either mental illness or automatism.
So this is how my life ends. I will be ending my life in just a few days. I have no idea whether I am a good person or not. Perhaps this is up for you to decide. But I am happy that my life is coming to an end. Nobody should have to go through what I have been through
Good night

Loyalist
El'Lenore Johnson
Dear Squire - Was a scribe on Caliban tasked with writing Lenore's Feats. Underwent Astartes procedure after the Heresy and completes tasks for the Watchers in order to see her again.
Regalia Dorn
Companion - Laborer turned Engineer for the Imperial Palace construction. Went missing on an abandoned Dark Age of Technology world during the Great Scouring, sometimes they can be heard an errant Vox transmissions near the system.
Sanguinia
My Dove - Maintenance worker on her flagship. Died to defy their love's fate, entombed on Baal in stasis with Sanguinia standing unmoved for ten thousand years watching and hoping in vain that they will wake up.
Ferra Manus
My Beloved - Solar Auxilia enlisted. Survived the Heresy to die naturally as the Governor of Istvan V while watching over their beloved tomb.
Vulkana
Wyrmheart - Craftsman from a world she brought to compliance. Nearly killed in the Heresy but survived from being implanted with Archeotech that made them a sudo-perpetual. Now guards a Vault filled with the most dangerous weapons their love crafted.
Lenore Corvus
SongBird - Vox Master of her flagship. Dragged into the Warp during a three front battle against Lenore, Magna, and Aurelia by Aurelia. Reports from them are occasionally received by Astopathic Choirs surrounding the Eye of Terror.
Chaos
Fulgrim
My Muse - Chronicler assigned to the IIIrd Legion. Now survives through perpetual cloning only to die from torture at the hands of their Demonic beloved.
Pertia
My Trinket - Native farmer of Olympia that assisted Pertia in engineering farming equipment. Nearly killed by their love during a fit of rage after she killed her adoptive sister. crafted into a Dreadnought, the Iron Treasure, in order to survive. They left her during the Siege of Terra and voluntarily interred by the Custodians in the Black Cells.
Desdemona
My Rose - Youngest child of her owner when she was a slave. Assisted in her escape and revolt. Survives by Demon Apotheosis alongside their love and reigns as a champion of Khorne alongside her.
Morticia
My Precious Lily - Gardener on a world she brought to compliance. Kept in Nergals garden to serve Isha as Morticia does the Chaos Gods bidding.
Isis Luprical
My Council - Assigned as her personal assistant upon her return to Terra. Survives in the Eye of Terror leading the remnants of the Sons of Isis that did not follow Abadon.
Magna
Starlight - Psyker of Prospero specializing in Astropathy. Died in the Razing of Prospero, shards of their soul persist alongside Magna's.
Unaligned
Alakhai Kahn
My Wirlwind - Stormbird Pilot for her personal transport. Missing alongside her, presumed dead.
Kassandra Cruze
My Conscience - Leader of an Orphan Gang that assisted her when she began as the Night Hunter. Died by mutual suicide along side their lover after the Heresy.
Juno Guilliman
My Heartbeat - Assistant Administrator of Mecragge. Entered the Stasis Coffin with their love.
Freya Russ
My Little Prince - Native of Fenris, political hostage and son of a King she defeated. Went Missing during the early Heresy, his signature is occasionally found on newly constructed shrines on old battlefields of the Space Wolves.
Aurelia Lorgan
Little Light - Sigillite apprentice to Malcador. Died on Monarchia from Erebus machinations . Partially revived after the Heresy by Aurelia, half their soul is in the resurrected body while the other wonders the Warp.
Alpharia and Omegana
Detective - Childhood companion of Alpharia as she was raised on Terra, confidant of Omegana upon her return. Died during the Heresy from trying to warn the twins about an ambush from Partia, not knowing the two already knew and set up a counter. They set off the twins' trap.

In memory of Leslie Shay
10 years ago, on May 13, 2014, Leslie Shay (played by Lauren German), the fan-favorite character of the NBC studio's series Chicago Fire, died in the finale of the second season. True, viewers only learned about this when the third season started. The death of the character was followed by an uproar from the audience, the popularity of the series (which had been on the rise until then) and the number of viewers decreased, because many people stopped watching the series due to Shay's death, including the author of this post (I reached the end of the third season). Due to the anniversary, I started researching on the Internet to better understand why Shay's character was destined for this fate, and using quite a few references and also abundant with spoilers, I will share with everyone what I came up with in this post. I will also write my own opinion.
(I apologize for any grammatical errors, I did not write the post in English and I created the English version with the help of Google Translate)
Shay's character probably doesn't need to be introduced to anyone, but if you do, this link nicely summarizes why everyone loved her so much.
https://screenrant.com/chicago-fire-leslie-shay-lauren-german-best-traits-facts-trivia/
When I started researching the topic, I read that despite the fact that Chicago Fire is already in its 13th season, Shay remains one of the most loved and most missed characters to this day. However, later, when I wrote the post, I could not find the source again, if anyone can send a link to this topic, please do so.
It is clear that if the series loses such a popular character, it will have an impact and will shake the viewers. Well, it turns out, more than anything in the show's 13 seasons. I found a lot of sources to prove this:
1)
People's Choice Awards, USA, 2015 / Favorite TV Character We Miss Most
In the above category, Shay made it to the top 5, which no one else did later.
https://www.imdb.com/event/ev0000530/2015/1?ref_=nmawd_ev_1
2)
Most shocking TV deaths of all time
https://tvline.com/lists/shocking-tv-deaths/leslie-shay-chicago-fire/
Shay is also included in the top 100 list above, as well as two other characters from the entire One Chicago franchise, Elias Koteas as Alvin Olinsky and Yuri Sardarov as Otis. Thus, Shay was on a list with the likes of Teri Bauer (24), Lance Sweets (Bones), Bobby Ewing (Dallas) or Ned Stark (GoT)
3)
And this is what ChatGPT answered when it was asked which of the characters in Chicago Fire had the most heartbreaking death (short quote from the answer):
"The most heartbreaking character death was definitely Leslie Shay. Oh, it was gut-wrenching! Shay, played by the incredibly talented Lauren German, was such a beloved and integral member of Firehouse 51....."
https://onechicagocenter.com/2023/07/24/heartbreaking-chicago-fire-death-according-ai-not-otisi/
4)
If I use the Google Search service, the answer to this search will also be Shay:
Question: "chicago fire most heartbreaking death"
Answer: "Leslie Shay died in a fire"
Searching the internet, it became clear to me that it wasn't just Shay's death that shocked viewers, but also the fact that the show's creators made the decision to get rid of Shay's character. This decision raised many questions and problems, which I will go through below. There are a lot of posts and articles on the internet about why Lauren German left the series, but in fact they were all based on a single, otherwise amazingly short interview that was made with Matt Olmstead. I found this at this link:
https://tvline.com/interviews/lauren-german-leaving-chicago-fire-shay-killed-off-549958/
If anyone has seen or read other interviews or other information, please share them.
I read a lot of comments under the link above, and I would like to thank everyone for expressing their opinions there. I read a lot of things in the comments that I didn't even think of at first, but it's good that they brought them to my attention, because I completely agreed with them.

1. The creators of the series killed off the third female character in 2 seasons, who was also one of the main characters.
2. Killing a character directly just for the sake of dramatic effect is already quite a boring solution
3. Olmstead praised Lauren German's talent a lot in the interview, but then why didn't the producers try to keep the actress?
4. Olmstead stated that there will be no flashbacks involving Shay. But in the first episode there were 4 (from Severide, Dawson and Boden)
5. The LGBT community also received a slap in the face, as an openly lesbian character was killed off. This is also a solution that has been seen many times and is boring.
6. Shay and Severide's relationship was one of the prominent aspects of the series, which made it worth watching, in fact, according to many, it was such a novel and well-constructed thread that the creators of the series were praised for this. After Shay's death, without the dynamism of their relationship, the series became boring.
7. Opinions also suggested that perhaps the goal was to attract the right target audience with Shay's lesbian character, but they no longer wanted to retain this group of viewers, so it was a harsh decision made from a business point of view by the creators
8. Olmstead defended the decision by saying that they could bring more and more storylines into the series, while without Shay's character, the exact opposite was true.
9. He also claimed that all the characters were assessed on equal footing when the decision was made. In comparison, they immediately replaced Shay with a new character who looked like her, was not a lesbian like Shay, and was 10 years younger. Because Lauren German was born in 1978, Kara Killmer in 1988. The message of this change was extremely bad in the eyes of the viewers
10. There was a commenter who suggested that the change was made so that the new character could be romantically involved with one of the male characters, and this actually happened during the third season when Brett and Cruz got together
11. If the purpose of Shay's death was to show how unpredictable life is, they should have paid much more attention to the details. The first part of the third season is full of mistakes and unrealistic solutions
12. It is strange that the interview only mentions in a few sentences what Lauren said to the fact that the creators of the series essentially fired her. In connection with this, it occurred to me that something else could have been behind the decision, which was never made public, but of course this is just a hunch.
13. As far as I know, Lauren German was the only main character in the history of Chicago Fire who did not leave the series by her own decision

There were many other strange things about Shay's death that could be found by searching the internet. I will also go through these in order.
A)
Let's return briefly to the fact that the popularity of the series decreased during the third season. This can be checked here
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicago_(franchise))
Based on this, it can be definitely stated that whoever made this decision, for whatever reason, caused damage to the series.
The data:
First season, ranking 51, number of viewers 7.78M
Second season, ranking 31, number of viewers 9.70M
Third season, ranking 47, number of viewers 9.65M
The first season brought good numbers, and it can be seen from the data that its popularity increased for the next season. However, the ranking of the series dropped almost to the initial level by the third season, and although the number of viewers did not decrease so significantly, the reason for this is probably that, in addition to the viewers who left, there were still those who only joined at that time. Another interesting fact is that the third season is the only one where Dick Wolf is mentioned as showrunner. It is possible that during the third season he wanted to be more involved in the development of the story, and it was his decision to pull something unexpected in the series, so Shay's death is due to him. Here is a show-like interview with the whole team, in which I found it strange that Dick Wolf was given the central place on the stage.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2tCrma7t5o&t=2s
It was as if they suggested that he was the most important person. It can be imagined that he always had the final say in making decisions. As a counter-example, I saw an interview with the actors of The Avengers, where one of the directors was present, and the Russo brother remained nicely in the background, since everyone was interested in the actors, Iron Man, and Thor, etc. However, this was not the case in this interview. Obviously, I'm not a behavioral researcher, so I can't draw important conclusions from a single interview.
Of course, it is also easy to imagine that the writing team made an independent decision, but did not count on how much the omission of Shay's character would turn fans away from the series. Thus, Dick Wolf was the savior when he was forced to intervene personally in shaping the story to mitigate the damage. Of course, it is also possible that these events and what I wrote about the video above have absolutely nothing to do with each other.
B)
It's also strange how many storylines with negative outcomes were connected to Shay's character during the first 2 seasons. She was seriously injured several times (the ambulance accident in the first season, the hospital bombing in the second season), and she went through several crises in her personal life. Her first love, Clarice, left her, and months later she broke Shay's heart a second time. Devon tricked and robbed her. When Severide and Shay wanted a baby, she failed to conceive. A patient of her, Daryl, whom she sympathized with, committed suicide in front of her eyes, and Shay also fell into depression after that, while her paramedic partner and friend, Dawson, did not care about Shay's mental breakdown at all. During the two seasons, she was almost hit by a car, almost shot, stabbed with a syringe, which could have been contagious, and there must have been other cases that I left out of the list. Then came the third season, where basically the firefighters who were inside a huge explosion were not hurt at all, while Shay, who was on the ground floor of the building, died in this explosion. On the part of the writers, this amount of negativism was perhaps already excessive and quite unrealistic (like the case of Doctor Romano in ER, who was hit by the helicopter). It's like the creators didn't really like the character, or didn't want to do anything with her other than build viewers' empathy / sympathy for Shay so they could switch it to a dramatic twist when the time was right. But that's the opposite of good storytelling in my view. My opinion is that the reason for Shay's popularity is not to be found in the "grateful" storylines written for her, because we will find it only and exclusively in the fantastic performance of Lauren German
C)
It's very strange that Leslie Shay was a main character in the first 2 seasons, but if you look at the Instagram page of the series (more specifically, the entire One Chicago franchise), you can see that Shay's character received very little attention.
https://www.instagram.com/nbconechicago/
At the time of writing this post, there were 3588 posts on the site. I took the trouble to check if my hunch was right and scrolled through to the posts about the first 3 seasons.
Number of pictures where Shay is clearly visible among many people in a group picture: 15
Number of photos where Shay is with 1-2 other people: 27
Number of photos featuring only Shay: 6
Yes, I didn't write a bad number, among 3588 pictures a total of 6 individual photos were given to one of the main characters of the first 2 seasons of the series, perhaps the most popular character of the series to date. Although Lauren German is a famously reclusive actress, she even has more selfies on her Instagram than that
D)
It's also very strange that in the third season they introduced a storyline that says Shay's death was caused by arson. Unfortunately, the execution of all this was extremely clumsy and illogical for me. It was already revealed during the first 2 seasons that Shay's parents are divorced, they live in two separate cities, and that she has no sisters. You could tell this from the fact that when Severide and Shay talked about who would take care of their baby if something happened to both of them, Dawson's name immediately came up. It's illogical that Shay wouldn't have said her sister. In fact, the whole thread felt more like a readjusting to placate fans who would channel their frustration and anger over Shay's death onto the arsonist in the story - instead of the show's writers.
E)
It occurred to me that maybe Lauren's relationship with her colleagues was not good, and for the sake of peace, the creators got rid of the character. This suggestion is probably the furthest from reality, I have a lot of hits that prove that Lauren maintained a very good relationship with her co-stars even later. Here are some examples of this
Trees R fun
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/-rn0w-CTv-0
Shayveride back together
https://twitter.com/TaylorKinneyARG/status/1128137229577216000
S03 E14
https://hu.pinterest.com/pin/2814818493493352/
https://hu.pinterest.com/pin/630785491553579592/
From Lauren's Insta
https://www.instagram.com/p/BlRQVXqgxqP/
https://www.instagram.com/p/BWZMBislmnE/
https://www.instagram.com/p/_50dHgFijd/
https://chicago.suntimes.com/2014/10/15/18477177/chicago-fire-if-anyone-can-saveseveride-it-s-casey
In real life, Kinney is grieving the loss of his costar, too.
"I miss her like crazy," he said about Lauren German. "She was a great scene partner. Great actor. Someone to work with and someone to confide in. It was an honest relationship. We hung out off the stages, too. I didn’t take that too easy.”
F)
It's also interesting that I've been able to find almost nothing online about what Lauren thought about what happened to Leslie Shay's character. What we do know from Matt Olmstead's interview is that she joked that she wasn’t going to miss the Chicago winters (she’s a California girl). Other than that, this is the only reaction from Lauren that can still be found, it's completely professional and polite, and perhaps it's no coincidence that she thanked the fans the most for their support
https://cartermatt.com/133627/chicago-fire-season-3-lauren-german-speaks-shay-premiere-shocke
"Hello beautiful people! I want to say thank you to NBC, Dick Wolf and the entire team for letting me be a part of such an amazing experience. I have to say I've never been around a more gifted, special, heartfelt, funny and loving cast and crew as with the CF gang. The show gave me so many priceless gifts. I'm forever grateful. I mostly want to thank the fans for their support and love on this journey. You all are so beautiful. It was a great honor to portray Shay. I love her: her spirit, her flaws, her honesty. And most of all she brought me the most genuine & meaningful interactions with you all, the fans, & my heart swells with gratitude. Thank you, thank you! So much love to you all.”
F) UPDATE
I just found this article, which for some reason didn't come up amongst the search results for the past few weeks.
https://chicago.suntimes.com/2016/1/22/18408021/chicago-fire-alum-lauren-german-having-devilishly-good-time-on-lucifer
In this article, Lauren told a sweet story that I believe happened during the filming of the pilot episode of Lucifer:
Given her time on “Chicago Fire,” guest starring on “Chicago P.D.” and now on “Lucifer,” has German changed the way she reads about or watches crime stories in the news?
“I think so, but mainly I think my experiences have made me have even more respect for first responders than I did before I went to Chicago. Sure, I always respected them and paid attention when I’d see a fire truck going by or hear about the cops getting the bad guy.
“But after the training we went through with the firemen and paramedics in Chicago — plus now having worked with homicide detectives to prepare for ‘Lucifer’ — I can’t tell you how much I respect these guys and women.”
German found herself the butt of a few jokes during the filming of a huge scene in Los Angeles near the Dolby Theatre — the site of the annual Oscars show.
“There were helicopters flying overhead, there was all this commotion, but we also had real firemen there. It wasn’t too long after I left ‘Chicago Fire,’ so they were yelling at me, ‘You went to the dark side!’ They were really kidding me about going from playing a paramedic to playing detective.
“Of course the cops on the scene were yelling just the opposite — telling me, ‘No! You’ve come to the bright side!’ I loved that, because that’s the fun friendly competition between the firemen and police officers. It’s kind of like Army vs. Navy.
“But of course, at the end of the day, everyone’s on the same team. These people are my heroes.”
In addition, she also talked about her previous work here, based on which it can be stated that the rumors that she wanted to quit are completely unfounded (I considered this suggestion so unfounded that I didn't even include it in my post). She also confirmed what was also discussed in point E).
German did admit she misses “the whole Chicago crew I worked with — and the wonderful fans in Chicago too. Everyone in your town is so great.”
The actress said she considers co-star Monica Raymund “my best girlfriend” and also keeps up with fellow “Chicago Fire” castmates Taylor Kinney and Jesse Spencer “quite a bit.”
“In fact just the other day, Monica asked me that after I wrap [the initial 13 episodes of] ‘Lucifer’ to come over [to Chicago] for a few days and hang out with those guys. So I may do that around the end of February.”
If so, it’s likely German and her “Chicago Fire” pals will make a beeline to the Palm restaurant on East Wacker Drive.
“Taylor and Jesse and I lived in the same building [on the New East Side], and we’d go to the Palm like three times a week. It was so cozy there. We even had our own regular little booth!”
End of update
In regards to the oddities above, I can even imagine that Lauren's agent or agents had a hard time agreeing on a possible contract extension, and because of this, the creators preferred to get rid of the character of Shay. If that was the case, we will never know. However, if the decision-making really took place in the way and according to the criteria as stated in the Matt Olmstead interview, then it can be seen in retrospect that this was an extremely bad decision by the studio and that the writing team made a huge mistake
I am slowly coming to the end of my research, but before that I would like to discuss the mistakes that the writers made in the first part of the third season - perhaps these mistakes could indicate that they were very hasty during the implementation, or that they did not think through at all how to put together such an episode well. When an average viewer saw this episode for the first time, the shock was guaranteed by it (believe me, it HITS HARD), in this way the creators achieved their goal, but it was enough later to think about what happened, and the shock was already replaced by completely legitimate indignation of the viewing public.
Regarding the mistakes, for the sake of fairness, I also have to say that I consider 4 things to be extremely outstanding from the first 2 seasons of the series:
1)
The visual implementation of the series was amazingly fantastic, as if you were watching a 45-minute movie, and it still stands today. I don't know if this changed after the third season, but I assume not, since the series is still active today
2)
Atli Örvarsson's music
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ABsDFMJr2E&list=PLXT2pBWM8DxfN4znwe3esSqg4LtBzlQz8
3)
The actors Jesse Spencer, Taylor Kinney, Monica Raymund, Lauren German, Charlie Barnett, David Eigenberg, Eamonn Walker, Joe Minoso, Yuriy Sardarov, Christian Stolte were all fantastic in their roles
4)
The writers did something really brilliant when they built Severide and Shay's relationship. The way these two people moved mountains just out of love as a friend to help the other was simply wonderful. The relationship between the two of them was central to the show, which is why it was so painful and infuriating at the same time that the writers didn't think it was important enough to keep it going after 2 seasons. So I didn't consider the series important enough to continue watching after the third season either, or to start anything else from the One Chicago group.
Mistakes in S03 E01:
Devon's character:

• In the last 2 episodes of the second season, it was revealed that Devon might not be as a bad person as we thought. The writers hinted at the possibility that maybe Shay could finally find her happiness with her. Whether Devon had really changed, whether she was telling the truth, was never revealed after Shay's death.

Shay's death:

• Why didn't the paramedics wear helmets when they entered a potentially dangerous building? In other episodes, the characters paid attention to this, but here they generously forgot about it
• During the first flashback, we saw that they started to treat an injured person. When the explosion occurred and Shay was lying on the ground, the injured person was disappeared.
• The firefighter (played by Preston James Hillier) who ran into the building before the explosion also disappeared
• In the flashback, we saw that Dawson was thrown backwards by the shock wave of the explosion before the ceiling collapsed. Shay, on the other hand, sat still, unaffected by the shock wave
• The firefighting team was in the middle of the explosion, the only injury in comparison was a broken leg. Andy Darden died instantly in the Pilot episode, according to the script, when a house fire started in a similar way.
• Shay's CPR was interrupted to take her to the ambulance. At the same time, the one who could have taken care of her was Dawson, who was next to her, and Shay herself, maybe even Mills, who had a broken leg. So why was it important to take Shay to the ambulance, if not because it gave the scene a dramatic, albeit illogical, ending?
• Several people (e.g. Cruz, Otis) in the episode did not behave like those who recently lost a friend, and this could not be the fault of the actors, but rather of the script. The situation was similarly strange in the Pilot episode after Darden's death
• Shay said that she has a good relationship with her parents, so it's very strange that they didn't apply for Shay's things, but Casey and Severide collected them a month and a half after Shay's death. Not to mention the later invented sister
• When Severide looked at a photo of Shay before playing the video, it can be seen that the creators did not bother to take a real photo, but instead used a screenshot from the first season.
• It's quite unlikely that Dawson would pick up a diary a month and a half later that still had Shay's signature on it, and the signatures were completely different

Again, in the interest of fairness, Severide's flashbacks, Severide and Shay's video were flawless. Just like the gesture of putting Shay's name on the ambulance door in the middle of the season was a great idea from the writers
Final thoughts:
This is how far I've come in my research. Unfortunately, I didn't find any reassuring answers, only strange things. If there was something else in the background why Shay's character had to die, it will probably never be revealed. If the whole truth was told in the Matt Olmstead interview, then in my opinion the creators of Chicago Fire made the biggest mistake of their lives by firing Lauren and letting the Shayveride friendship vanish. Plus, Leslie Shay's character didn't deserve such fate. Anyway, the first 2 seasons were a fantastic experience for me.
Although Lauren couldn't have known it at the time, she was doing very well, because after being unemployed, she auditioned for the role of Chloe Decker in the series Lucifer. Here she joined the team that involved Tom Ellis, Kevin Alejandro, D.B. Woodside, Lesley-Ann Brandt, Rachael Harris, Scarlett Estevez, and later Aimee Garcia, Tricia Helfer, Tom Welling, Inbar Lavi, Rebecca De Mornay, Dennis Haysbert and Brianna Hildebrand. The rest, as they say, is history. Lucifer was the biggest series of 2021 by racking a whopping 18.3 billion minutes of streaming across the year making the series the most-streamed show not just on Netflix, but among the entire crop of streaming originals. Lucifer was voted the best fantasy series of 2021 also, and Lauren German became very, very worldwide-famous.
https://netflixlife.com/2022/01/26/lucifer-best-netflix-show-2021/
After Lucifer ended, Lauren retired from acting, making her last appearance in November 2023 at an event in Chicago, the Heaven and Hell Convention. Here, of course, she was hilarious again, or to put it stylistically, funny as hell, and she simply proved why she was the actress who played Leslie Shay back then
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=um_hcX4FkfM
https://www.instagram.com/p/CzHxlcMqM3
Here are a few links at the end
My favorite fan video commemorating the Shayveride friendship
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjS1LmJgCIo
Others have written their opinions before me on the Leslie Shay topic, e.g. a great post
https://www.thetvaddict.com/2014/09/29/did-chicago-fire-kill-off-the-wrong-characte
A little fun
https://www.tiktok.com/@chicagofires/video/7255400196711107886
Still a little fun
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vZOsrSHql0
Thank you for reading through!
PJ
(this post is free to use and redistribute, but please at least credit the source! Thanks)
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This is my idea for the Friday the 13th Prequel. It's very lore heavy which would probably turn some fans off because it adds a ton that was never discussed or hinted at in the OG. It also codifies the supernatural elements as well which could also be off putting to some.
As you'll be able to tell, some parts are more fleshed out than others, but the overall narrative is there.
A big theme is the power of belief that is inspired by Tulpas
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tulpa
Opening:
Four campers head to Crystal Lake. They spot a small island in the middle of the lake to camp out on. As they begin taking turns with the canoe, ferrying supplies across ,one by one they're taken out, until one is left alone on the island. She is chased by a shadowy figure til she's finally cornered and butchered, revealing the shadowy figure to be Pamela Voorhees.
20 Years Earlier
Pamela Voorhees is a young sheltered woman. We find her getting kicked out of the small town's catholic church for being pregnant out of wedlock. She begs to stay as her parents are dead and she has no other form of community but she is told to not return. . One day she experience horrible pains and goes to the hospital. A kind young nurse asks her questions where we learn the extent of her isolation. She lives alone her in her parents house and has no one checking in on her. The nurse recommends finding another church so she'll have some form of support through her pregnancy.
Pamela sees a revivalist tent and attends. The pastor, reprimands all other churches and tell his congregants about the power of belief. Church goers begin speaking in tongues and having convulsions. Pamela is bought forward to the priest and loses herself in the mania, speaking in tongues. The pastor takes a liking to her and says he'll care for her in return for her utter devotion. To prove her devotion she must kill a rattle snake with her bare hands. Terrified but desperate for community she approaches the snake surrounded by the congregates cheering her on. The pastor tells her she must believe the snake will not harm her. She struggles with the snake and finally kills it, but realizes she's been bitten in the process. She collapses and goes into violent seizures.
Pamela awakens at the hospital. She is recovering but she was given an emergency c-section, and it's likely the premature child won't survive. The pastor visits her and tells her she was bitten because she did not truly believe she would be safe, and if she wants her son Jason to survive she must believe it so.
12 years later Jason is a sickly child, but alive, and Pamela is entirely devoted to the pastor. She has a job at camp Crystal Lake a short walk from her house as a cook, and forbids Jason from playing with the kids. The Pastor, proud of Pamela's devotion decides to finally tell her the truth. The Pastor is a satanist, and has been masking satanist rituals and beliefs as a break off radical christian group. He is trying to spread power of satan and wants her to join him on his mission. Pamela is horrified but the Pastor argues he saved Jason as baby by using satanic rituals. Pamela is betrayed and leaves distraught. While she is at work Jason sneaks off to play with the other kids at the camp and drowns, while camp counselors of having sex, Pamela is shattered.
8 Years Later
6 camp counselors come to Camp Crystal lake to set up for the summer. They are being stalked Pamela who kills off two when they separate from the group. The lead counselor, goes off by himself to looks the recently killed counselors. He runs into a deeply injured and distraught girl, a camper from the opening of the film who survived her attacks. She tells him Pamela has been dragging the bodies into a cave. They go the nearby house to get help to realize it's Pamela's house. They hear shouts from the basement where they find a crazed pasture kept in a makeshift cell. Pamela kidnapped him after her son drown demanding he perform a ritual to bring Jason back to life. Desperate to not be killed the pastor made up a ritual where Pamela kept boy in the same waters he drowned in, and have the blood of sacrifices mixed into the same water on Friday the 13th, Jason could be bought back to life. She's tried before but believes she didn't have enough sacrifices. So Pamela faked the reopening of the camp and posed as the manager to lure campers to the Lake to be killed as sacrifices.
Pamela continues to hunt down the counselors til all that's left is the camper from the opening. She is knocked out and dragged into the cave. In the cave near the lake is a pool of water that flows from the lake. Jason's body floats in the center of it. His body has grown huge and grotesque but just as lifeless. Pamela explains the power of her belief has kept his corpse from rotting all these years later, and the counselors deserve to be sacrificed for their sexuality and promiscuity. As she about to kill the final camper, the camper is able to escape from her binding and after a drawn out fight she kills Pamela by beheading her with a machete. She believes she is finally safe, but as the blood of his mother flows into the pool of Jason's body, the ritual is complete and Jason rises.

I noticed that there is a tendency among adherents of Reformed Theology that many non-Reformed people find deeply concerning.
It oftentimes is like this - someone or a small group of people within a non-Reformed or a Calvinist/Reformed-lite congregation become hard-Calvinist/Reformed.
These people would then return to their non-Calvinist congregations and start to do the following -
1.If they are cell group leaders, indoctrinate their flock into hard-Calvinism. Classic case, don't caveat that it is their personal opinion, when they are teaching predestination or God-ordained suffering (esp the kind where those receiving such teachings are taught to embrace, even gleefully, the suffering, because God gave it to them, in what could be reasonably argued to be abusive behaviour. As a sidenote, as one who grew up in abusive environments, a common hallmark of it is the abuser telling the abused to "relish in their abuse", and although non-Calvinists agree that God is sovereign over suffering, they oft approach it from an angle where they would encourage those going through difficult situations to see the light and persevere vs the Calvinist "suck it up because its given to you" approach).
There is little regard that their teachings are not agreed on by a good part of Christianity and it causes offense and stumbling, especially the abusive nature of the teaching on how to respond to suffering. Often, in their defense, it is not uncommon to hear it cited that "Pharisees were offended at Jesus" without considering the key differences in why the offense esp by non-Calvinists at Calvinism, esp when the offense is not based on self righteousness or pride but a sense of justice and a history of being abused.
Shouldn't Reformed folks know at the very least the controversial nature of their positions within the Christian faith and, when in a non-Calvinist/Reformed-lite crowd, caveat your positions esp when they are clearly Calvinists, as "personal opinion", over trying to indoctrinate and convert "the other side"?

1. If Reformed folks don't do 1), they would do the following - pick fights with their non-Reformed congregation? How -

Firstly, over gifts of the Holy Spirit, esp if the congregation is non-cessationist. I notice oftentimes the Cessationist position is hard-pushed, often in aggressive and disrespectful manners of the non-cessationist congregation.
As a side comment - I notice Calvinist-Cessationists have a cognitive dissonance. They cannot be upfront that they believe in a limited role. They will always strenuously argue that they believe that the Holy Spirit does work miracles, speak, etc. Its only when pressed further on how the Holy Spirit works, will they reveal their true Cessationist/quasi-Cessationist positions. Can anyone shed light on this cognitive dissonance?
Next, over interpretation of Scripture - Reformed folks always love to pick the narrowest possible interpretation of a passage and use it to pick fights with their non-Reformed counterparts, one such case, a recent exchange I had with a Reformed friend who started attacking my congregation's stance on keeping Sabbath by arguing how Colossians 2:16 "says so" (he keeps insisting that "let no one judge you" in the verse means its even wrong to teach that Sabbath should be kept). Or another exchange I had when I led a cell group discussion on Daniel 1 - I put the point that Daniel was a "sent one" (i.e. one who answered the call to be a witness for God) based on his responses to the Babylonian king's overtures and how God used him from that point. The Reformed folks countered that I cannot make that point as nowhere was the term "sent one" in the text of Daniel 1, never mind the point that Daniel was a sent one is based on very reasonable inferences and deductions.
Lastly, over sermon styles - always insisting that expository sermons is the only and perfect way to go, while castigating non-expository styles as inferior or even outright bad and wrong.
(Note: Before discovering this subreddit, I posted this on the Reformed subreddit. It was removed within hours. Judge me if you want, but before doing so, please consider that I just discovered this subreddit. And it shows plausibly how Reformed folks can't take good faith criticism of their ways. Also posted something like this on True Christian subreddit. Got removed.)