I would like to first say I do apologize in advance if what I say maybe rude, please correct me below if it does. I'm currently a highschool student going into a 4 years nursing program in Oregon, the end goal was to become a Nurse Practioner. But sometimes reading posts on this sub or just the nurse made me realize the some places are wont pay you as much and sometimes you can't afford your living expenses. My question is, if you are currently a Nurse Practioner, were you able to enjoy your life? Buy/build your own dream home? How is your day to day life as well as your lifestyles? Are you able to do things you wanted without worrying about money? Sorry for these questions but while I do realize that becoming a nurse means you put your patients' health in front of all things, but I just wanted to see how my life would be like after schooling and in the long run. Thank you and sorry if I offended anybody.

Me: Wouldn't it be fun to wait to post this in the summer so you can say happy Christmas in July for once? Also me: that's a terrible joke. Just publish the thing.
Apologies for publishing in 2 parts. I'm not trying to drag it out I'm just aware this is the length of 2 episodes, reddit will only allow me 20 pics per post, and there's just too much going on for our beloved idiot in this one, so. I'm pacing myself.
It's not Christmas in July, it's Christmas 1919 at Downton and I spent an embarrassing amount of time wondering if Mr Fellowes really wants me to believe that the Crawleys decorated the Goliath of Christmas trees themselves (they didn't, but I like that Mary was sipping her tea and offering her view on things. Queen👑 ).
Plus, the setup for this episode intro had an actual checklist:
Tree? Check
Family arriving? Check
Violet judging this year's Christmas cards and looking for the contenders for worst cards of the year (they judge them on both content, and actual card)? Check
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Anna gets a gold heart brooch from Mary and Mrs Hughes is as excited about it as she is. Also, I can see the inspo for the entire Anna/Mary tag on AO3 right here. And Mrs Hughes ships it.
Just kidding, Bates is in prison, and we're all very sad.
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Carlisle is wondering why the Crawleys are being kind to their servants by letting them have some time off at lunchtime on Christmas Day, and I'm wondering if anyone (namely, us, the viewers) is supposed to be surprised by his behaviour.
I mean, blackmailing Lavinia just because? Blackmailing Mary into an engagement with him? Trying to manipulate Anna and Carson? Being physically abusive to Mary, and trying to control her life and behaviour? Bringing Lavinia back to "sacrifice" her to a lifetime as Matthew's nurse, so Mary won't spend that much time with Matthew (not because there was something off about that, just that Carlisle didn't want her to)?
He is an asshole. He was an asshole. He will always be an asshole. Glad we're finally all on the same page.
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Matthew and Mary are exchanging presents behind Robert's head in one scene and I'm very upset by it. Please, if anyone has any ideas, submit what you think they got each other for Christmas.
If you need any inspiration, here's what people would buy each other as presents in the 1920s according to the British Newspaper Archives:
Lots of cigarette paraphernalia Cocktails Banjos PENCILS Dance Frocks Shaving Kits Vacuum Cleaners
Keep that list in mind if you're disappointed with your presents next year.
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Matthew got a telephone call telling him that Mr Swire is very ill, and he will got to London to visit him. Mary gives him some condolences and he says "I'm sorry if I'm casting a gloom". I have a feeling the poor man had been pretty depressed for quite long, probably perked up a bit for Christmas and thought he was bringing the mood down again, but Mary responds with compassion. Oh Matthew.
Carlisle saw Mary go after Matthew in the hall, to ask about Mr Swire, and literally took his newspaper with him and followed her out there because that's completely normal behaviour. Just picture the ridiculousness of it: Mary and Matthew talking about Mr Swire and Bates' trial, romantic themes that they are, and Carlisle is so annoyed by it he's standing there in the background. Reading a newspaper, just to make sure they know he's still around (who could forget, mate).
Also, Mary saying she'll attend Bates' trial to support Anna, and Matthew immediately going "Would you like me to go with you?". Because of course he wants to support Mary in all things.
And this is Matthew's first villainous act for the episode: He asks Carlisle "or will YOU do that?" as in, since you're here, will you be supporting Mary in this endeavour.
Of course he isn't. Carlisle could never understand the concept of being there as emotional support for a Servant. He can't even understand why one would give a servant a few hours off on Christmas Day.
And just like that, Matthew scores one point in showcasing that Carlisle is a waste of space.
Matthew's Villainy points so far: 1
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Btw, Matthew has a few sets of looks reserved for Carlisle: Derision, derision, and more derision.
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They're playing charades (aka The Game), Mary is mimicking falling down, Matthew has a front row seat to it, and they're not playing on the same team so she can't rely on him to guess. Which means he can sit back and have the time of his life.
Carlisle complains about not liking the game and I'm left to wonder why he wanted that life so much since he could find nothing to enjoy in it.
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Mary IS still trying with him, however. He complains again on New Years Eve about the servants having some time off, and she reasons that it only happens twice a year, and he complains again that she doesn't understand because she didn't have to work for what she has.
Fellowes finally does the work on these two. I was having a conversation with another user recently, who was wondering why Mary picked Carlisle when she could have picked someone like Evelyn Napier.
Let's forget the Pamuk Scandal for a moment. Mary clearly wanted something more other than a traditional marriage. When we meet her, she's 21. She already has a husband in her pocket, if all she wanted was a position in society and a title, she'd have already been married to Patrick in 1912. But clearly, she wanted more out of life than to be someone's wife.
She wanted love, and she wanted to have something to do, whatever that was. She would have found both in Matthew, if things hadn't gone to complete shit, so why not consider Carlisle (back when he seemed normal)?
He was a working, self-made man, so he was interesting to her. He wasn't the run-of-the-mill rich boy she'd been exposed to her entire life, and if she married him she'd have a job in establishing him in London society and helping him build his empire. She'd Work, in short. She'd be allowed to use her brain.
But they don't match. At all. He offered her a marriage of convenience, and then was upset that she loved someone else, when Carlisle never offered her love in the first place. She wanted to be able to go about her life, he wanted her under his thumb to do his bidding. She was raised to have a certain respect for other people (e.g. the servants in the house), he thought that because he had money he could do whatever the fuck he wanted.
In short, they don't work together. Not even taking into account he was blackmailing her with a scandal, and Matthew was off stage left being Villainous (according to Carlisle. Villain, Perseus, it's all a matter of perspective.)
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I love how they contrast Carlisle's ruthlessness with Matthew's compassion (and look how she looks up to him). Because Matthew is also a working man, but he's kind. And even though he didn't have any connection to mr Swire anymore, he stood by him in his hour of need, to the bitter end.
Speaking of contrasting Carlisle's assholery to Matthew:
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Rosamund's WhatsHisFace of a suitor points out there's only three women following the shoot, and they should divide their time between the men taking part in said shoot (God forbid women are not around to entertain these assholes gents). Carlisle immediately rebuffs him before Mary can get a word in, saying "Lady Mary will stand by ME". Mary is about to, very politely, put him in his place, when Matthew comes in for his second act of Villainy so far, saying "I thought you said you'd stand by me for the first shoot, isn't that what you said?"
He doesn't push her to go with him, he's just giving her an exit plan. So that Mary doesn't have to bring herself in an awkward position in front of all those people, to defend her right to an opinion. And Mary takes it. Of course she does. She can show Carlisle he doesn't get to dictate what she does, and do so in a way that doesn't create gossip.
Matthew's Villainy points so far: 2
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Look how he looks at her. He's so happy she took him up on it. Whatever else happened beyond this, they were friends. He cared for her, and she cared for him. And he has her back here, and she accepted it, so easily. And that made him happy (and so, so smug. A true Villain).
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She loves how un-selfconscious he is. She's always loved it, all those years ago at the flower show when he'd mock himself for her benefit, to make her laugh. He does it here still but now she's not surprised by it, just endlessly fond. Dozens of men spent years showing off their (probably mediocre) skills, to win her favour, and of course she'd fall for the guy who was just being honest. Mary likes honesty, she never got much of it. Her world is a show of mirrors where nothing is what it seems, and it must have been so refreshing to be with someone who was exactly what he showed the world. It's only sad that it took her so long to realise that just as she loved him for who he was, he'd do the same. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
"He does rather beg to be teased" - this asshole has been deliberately messing with Carlisle for ages, hasn't he. I've only counted 2 Villainy points, but I bet he earned himself dozens before. Whenever he'd get pissed off at something Carlisle said he'd just whisk Mary away, just to show him that he could, even if Carlisle was the fiance, Matthew was still an important person in her life, and he'd always be, and he made sure Carlisle knew that (and took great, great enjoyment in it).
Mary: The awful truth is, he’s starting to get on my nerves. Still, you’re not the person to burden with that.
Matthew: You’re still going to marry him, though.
Mary: Of course. Why wouldn’t I.
Matthew is not happy about this. He appears to not understand it, and I wish I could give him a a nice shake. Regardless of the information he doesn't have, Matthew, mate, it's not like she hasn't met other men. Like it or not, most of your lot back in the day belonged in the bin.
And Mary, as a high-society woman, didn't have a lot of options. She had to get married. And at least Carlisle wanted to buy Haxby, she'd be near her family, spend time in London. Before she'd have hoped to actually get some work done, within the capacity her marriage would allow her, but with things being as they are with Carlisle I think she's now hoping he'd be busy with his work and she could get on with her days and maybe not see much of him, as most couples of their class did. And that's not taking into account the actual reason why Mary thinks she absolutely Must marry Carlisle.
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Also, Matthew, let's not pretend you'd like any man she brought home. So either take a deep breath and confess some things, or get on with it.
Carlisle asks Mary why she and Matthew were laughing together. He asks "Am I never to be free of him?" and her answer is, of course not. Because, of course not. First of all, sorry to say Richard, but, they're a package deal.
I can't see either one of them giving up the other willingly, not after all this. But of course, the main thing is the aristocracy thing. He's the head of the family, you'll see A Lot of Matthew, if you and Mary get married. And Matthew has spent almost every minute of the episode so far making sure Richard knows this. One would say, he's trying to push him out (like a villain), through his sheer presence in Mary's life.
"I might understand if you let me think for a solitary minute that you preferred my company to his."
Here's another problem: He should know, this wasn't part of their terms. Of course, he's not an aristocrat, so he's not aware of how loveless marriages of convenience work, but since it WAS a loveless marriage of convenience he was offering, I wonder why THE FUCK, he demands her attention now.
Mary would perform her duty to him. She'd be the best hostess London ever saw. She'd be the pretty wife on his arm, and she'd charm his contacts, and she'd be the stepping stone for him to be accepted in aristocratic circles, and she'd give him children and hold his house. And yes, she'd love spending time with her family, and that included Matthew.
Richard is just being a petty, controlling, fuck. Because he wants more than she's willing to offer, and he wants more than what he'd originally asked. So he, can shove it.
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Richard: I’ve done everything I can to please you.
Mary: Do you mean you bought a large and rather vulgar house?
Richard: You cannot talk to me like that! What have I done to deserve it? What?!
Would you like a list of your crimes, Richard? I've posted it a bit further above.
Also, Mary. She was hoping he'd offer her an interesting life (before he turned out to be an asshole). But all he's offered so far is the same old bullshit she's been offered all her life: A big empty (emotionless) house.
A demanding husband. A life full of constraints and limitations, set to her by a husband who expects to dictate everything she does.
It's at this point that Matthew, clearly the villain of the story, shows up because he hears Richard yelling at Mary and that just won't do.
My beloved idiot covers for Richard here. And she does it because of something she said to Matthew before "He's starting to get on my nerves, but you're not the person to burden with that."
She doesn't want Matthew to feel like he has to come to her rescue. She heard him, when he told her they can't be together (many times) in the previous episodes. And she loves him, so she's let him be. She knows he's got his own troubles, that he's been through a lot, and that shows with how she watches him walk away with a fair bit of worry in her eyes. Plus, she doesn't want him to do anything for her out of obligation. She just wants them to be friends, and friends don't solve your marital (or, in this case, pre-marital) problems. They can provide comedic relief, and support, but that's about it.
And as we said, Matthew is clearly the villain of this story.
Speaking of which, Matthew interrupted Richard's yelling at Mary so, I guess that means - Matthew's Villainy points so far: 3
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Speaking of friends: Matthew will be there, for Mary (and Anna) at Bates' trial, and Mary asks to be there when he brings back Mr Swire's ashes, since the man wanted to be buried next to his daughter (who had to be buried at Downton, and not near her home in London, for maximum guilt-trip points I guess).
I love how those two care, and support each other in difficult times. It IS what friends do. Of course, Carlisle is not happy about that either. And listen, if he was in love with Mary, I'd be very understanding. I'd be telling him to cut his losses and run. I'd be empathising. But I'm like, you've been an absolute tool for years now mate, how am I supposed to see your POV, when you're basically worrying that if those two, at some point, get their heads out of their asses and realise they make a great couple, you'll lose your trophy wife you've trapped in a marriage, through sheer luck (on your end).
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Carlisle, after that entire day of watching Mary and Matthew having a nice time out with the family, pressures Mary to set a wedding date. Mary wants to wait, I guess she hopes for some godly intervention because she definitely doesn't see any other way out of her current situation, and he goes so far as to literally grab her, and in front of her family too.
I'm finally not the only one who wants to shoot him dead. Of course, Robert won't do anything about it because when has Robert ever done anything for Mary (so far), but Matthew looks tempted.
(I had to cut out poor Carson because there's too many people on this frame as it is, but shout out to him for also worriedly watching in the background).
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Matthew: Mary. Can I help?
Mary: After today, I won’t insult you by asking what you mean.
Matthew: You don’t have to marry him, you know. You don’t have to marry anyone. You’ll always have a home here as long as I’m alive.
First of all, I LOVE, that his reaction was to ignore Carlisle, run after Mary, and ask her if he can help. He's not offering to be a saviour. Mary doesn't need one of those (she does need to find that steel in her spine though). But he's offering to support her, and he says it in a way that implies he'd do pretty much anything she asked (Do you want to poison him? I'll help carry him to the pigs pen).
Second of all, Matthew, you absolute Idiot.
Mary supporting you in your grief, you supporting her with Bates' trial, that's normal friend behaviour.
You telling her she can LIVE with you forever, and so she doesn't have to Marry Any Man, is so, so dumb.
What is she going to live with you as, Matthew? Your cousin again? Where is the cousinl-y behaviour line drawn? Private dinners? Maybe with some candles and soft music? Holidays in Europe together?
Also, where is that imaginary limit you've put to your happiness with her for the sake of Lavinia's (very real, according to canon) ghost, mate?
You clearly seem happy enough to spend time with Mary, support her, laugh with her. Is it just the romance that's killing your mood?
Is it that that's the harshest punishment Matthew could imagine, spending his life next to Mary without actually spending his life WITH her, or is it that in spite of how much he wanted to suffer for his mistake, he just couldn't bring himself to cut ties entirely? Or is it that her happiness was more important than his self-imposed martyrdom, so he couldn't keep himself away and let her throw away her life for God knows what (her own mistake, is the answer, because they both like making themselves suffer for past sins. They've got A LOT in common).
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Mary: Didn’t the war teach you never to make promises? And anyway, you’re wrong. I do have to marry him.
Matthew: But why? Not to prove you’ve broken with me, surely? We know where we stand. We’ve no need for...gestures.
Mary: If I told you the reason, you’d despise me, and that I really couldn’t bear.
She makes me so sad. She's so certain she'll be ruined and kicked out of her house if the scandal ever came out.
And I get it. It was how she'd been raised. And all she's heard so far is how she's "a slut" and "damaged goods" and Mary's self-image is in tatters. She doesn't view herself as anyone worth fighting for, she doesn't want anyone else to fight for her, and she won't even fight for herself, and to me that's the saddest part of all.
She's entirely defeated, has been for a long time. This entire season. She's taken every blow and hasn't dodged them at all. Welcoming Lavinia, accepting Matthew as a friend and nothing more. Being by his side when he got injured, taking care of him and accepting his rejection without a peep. Listening to him announce his wedding and helping Lavinia plan it. Baring herself to Carlisle, giving him "the tools to destroy her", willingly, to salvage the family name, and to help Bates. And later letting Matthew call her, and himself "cursed", and walking away from it, somehow. Probably because she believes it.
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She told Carson, after Pamuk died, that "she knows what it means to be happy, but she knows she herself will never be happy" and she has proved to have embraced that sentiment, fully. Her despair back then is reflected here. Mary is not looking for happiness. She's just looking for cover. Some place where she can be sure she won't be hurt anymore.
She didn't believe that would be in a marriage with Matthew, and Matthew's strict morals so far, and his own self-hatred, have only further proven to her that she had been correct. She thinks that if Matthew can't excuse himself a kiss with a woman he loved, he won't ever excuse her having sex with a man she didn't love. And for all the unhappiness, all the cold comfort she sees in her future, she at least has his friendship. And how could she ever risk losing that? What would she be left with? Who else is there in the world, that supports her like he has? Her mother, who brought back Lavinia to push her away from Matthew? Her father? Who values the family above all else? Nothing. And no one. Just Matthew.
So she can bear Carlisle's cruelty, his moods and his demands. And she can bear the thought of living life on his arm to be paraded around London society for his benefit. But she can't bear the thought of Matthew thinking ill of her. Can't bear having him look at her the way her mother, or her sister did. And she's so honest here in her pain. She hasn't shown any of it, of the backloads of it, to anyone other than Anna, all season. But she can't keep it in now, after all that, in front of Matthew.
My poor broken child 💔
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She hears Cora yell her name and there's despair in her eyes. Even now she has family obligations to fulfil, so whatever emotional breakthrough she could have made, gets interrupted because heaven forbid she's not there for the Crawleys to play card games with.
Before I forget, Matthew goes after Mary, hoping to help her in her hour of need therefore, Matthew's Villainy points so far: 4
Matthew directs that accusatory look to Cora and I'm so proud of him for that. Cora's involvement in Mary's life has been nothing short of catastrophic. With her only saving grace being the fact that she wasn't actually willing to throw her daughter out of her house. I don't know how she gets to be so worried about the situation now, considering it's, largely, of her own making.
This whole season has been about pain and loss, in its various forms. And Mary's has been largely contained, because that's who she is, she keeps everything close to her heart, especially the things that hurt her. But it's all spilling out in this episode. There's so many things she can't contain, like Carlisle's jealousy, her own grief, at this point, after so many years. And for all those who look, it's the most obvious thing in the world, that Mary is suffering.
Well. Almost all.
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Robert calls Carlisle grabbing Mary in front of her family "an awkward moment", and calls Mary "tired" of Carlisle.
Yes, Robert. Of all the things Mary is feeling at the moment, tiredness is one of them. Not sure if it's the most obvious one, but with you I've learned to bring a small basket.
He also, unlike Matthew, doesn't respect Mary enough to go up to her and ask her if she needs anything from, idk, her father. Some help, some advice. He asks his wife to tell him if he's overlooked anything, and how is the answer to that not "Pretty much everything that's ever happened in this house".
And at this point, I will leave you, because we're half way through and I've already hit both my word, and my image limit. The first one is self-imposed, for the second one, send your grievances @ reddit.

I posted this to another forum a couple days ago, and a lot of people keep telling me its abuse. I know its not nearly as awful as some of the scenarios here, but I would love some opinions on whats going on. I feel blindsided by the idea that im in an abusive relationship right now, and terrified of it ending. Thank you everyone <3
LINK TO THE ORIGINAL POST: https://www.reddit.com/MMFB/comments/1cs5rhd/i_18m_feel_like_my_girlfriend_18f_is_verbally/
For context, I am in University about 50 miles from where she and my parents live, so I commute every weekend and most weekdays to see her. I love her. Plain and simple, in so many ways. We used to work together until she got a better job recently. Yesterday was her birthday. I made her some cookies common in the continent she's from, and baked them into heart shapes. I also got her 25$ of lottery tickets, flowers, her favorite energy drink, and a handwritten card with a lot of writing and drawings of us and her cat. I dropped it off to her in the morning after an all-nighter (going through it with finals and papers right now) and drove to the University to work my full shift. First she texted me thanking me for the gift, then asked me "what the fuck" those cookies were and that she choked on them. I was sad, told her what they were, and she told me I shouldn't have cooked something as a gift since I'm a bad cook. (I am, but I've made other stuff that she liked in the past). She also complained that the whole point of buying lottery tickets is to buy them, not to scratch them (I disagree?). She texted me that I shouldn't have gotten her anything if it was just going to be low effort.
I saw her later that night after she got out of work, and she was mad at me. She said I ruined her birthday by giving such a low effort gift, and that I didn't care about her. She brought up that I ruined her birthday last year too (by not immediately stopping our text conversation about some other girl and wishing her happy birthday the minute it got past midnight). Anytime I responded that I did put effort into the cookies, she would just deny it. Incredibly frustrating since I know how much effort I put in. She was mad the flowers I got her were not in a boquet, only loose, which didn't make it seem like a special occasion. At the heart of it she was mad that my gifts weren't special? To me the card and cookies were plenty special but she just says that it was stuff I've given her other days. She started calling me ret*rded, to which I responded "You're mean to me and I don't like it". I don't remember much of what she said (I'd had 4 hours of sleep in the past 2 nights), but she doubled down and continued calling me a wide variety of hurtful words, from ret*rded to stupid to childish and immature. I was already long sobbing, and in the middle asked her to just hit me instead. She obviously refused. She asked if I even wanted to go on our trip this upcoming weekend. I responded yes, and she replied that maybe I don't if I don't care about her enough to get her a decent gift.
She's horrifically depressed, and I know she has some specific trauma in response to people not caring about her birthdays. I think that explains part of it. Still, I tried. I am also depressed myself. I've tried bringing it up to her a few times and she responds that I'm "always b*tching too much" because my life is so perfect. Compared to hers its way better, yes, but that doesn't mean I need a reason to be depressed. She's also acted distant the entire Spring semester. I rarely spend time with her, and even more rarely is it time that isn't just "okay we can see each other for 5 minutes but I have to go in". We havent' had sex since January, or cuddling. I very much miss both of these things, and we've had (rare) opportunities for them shes missed because shes too busy sleeping (I'm not allowed in her appartment to join her, mom discovered we had sex).
At the end of being yelled at when she denied me a hug and told me essentially to go away, I had a nervous break. Honestly I've been working too much and I'm overwhelmed with needing to find a new second job and the immense weight of finals and final essays ,things breaking on my car, and now this. I sped off, her and her mom heard my tires squealing and uninvited me from the trip. I drove recklessly for about 2-3 minutes on backroads while scream-crying about killing myself and fighting the urge to drive into a tree. Not proud of it. But I am devastated about missing the trip. She backed out on us living together, and promised we could have time to cuddle on the trip. I honestly don't feel like I have anything to look forward to.
I do a lot for her. I drive two hours round trip every time I want to see her, sometimes even for 5 minutes to drop off some food before going back. I've spent the past academic year working to support our long-standing plans of moving out together (This past weekend was my first time having more than one day off in a row since accompanying her to her surgery in October). I bring her flowers weekly, at work I do all of the hard stuff for her and massage her shoulders if she feels sore. I bring her food from my University and any treats she wants from the surrounding stores. I always ask if she wants anything. I have never said anything hurtful to her. She apologizes when she hurts my feelings too much and she realizes it, like last night. I spend thousands on her, whether jewelry (the most expensive ring she lost), buying her contacts or paying big bills when shes strugglign like drivers' ed or her wheel bearing replacements.
She texted me that shes sorry I'm not going and that she hurt me but I need to control my emotions better. That she loves me so much and regardless of our fights she will always love me so much. I responded that I felt like an unappreciated chore and didnt want to get yelled at. She replied that I'm not a chore she just hasnt had time and has been too depressed to make time for me. We texted a bit and I slept a few hours until my final/work today. She clearly didn't like me defending myself by saying that if i got a present i didnt like i wouldnt call my partner a "worthless ret*rd" by responding "i never called you worthless dont put words in my mouth...i sent you messages apologizing and being worried and your response is victimizing and arguing more...not happy with ruining my birthday? had to go further and ruin the day after?"
We've been texting each other throughout the day happier things. She's been sending me recipes to be a better cook and wants me to see her for 5 minutes after work in about 2 hours from the time of writing. I want to be with her. I love her, I've done so much, I will continue. But I feel like I'm being verbally abused. And I don't know how to stop it. I'm so overwhelmed with everythign in my life and I really just need someone on my side. I think i'll just first establish a rule of not interrupting/yelling and then telling her how hurt and lonely I feel. That I love her and I can totally work with her on managing time for me and depression but that I cannot tolerate verbal abuse.
TLDR: Gave girlfriend cookies for her birthday. She didnt like them and called me a ret*rd. I had a nervous break from other combined stressors, made a scene with reckless driving, got uninvited to a trip with her and her mom. She is texting me recipes and being nice to me today. I will see her in a few hours. I am hurt and overwhelmed with life and just want to be treated like I'm loved.
Thank you readers
EDIT: I would appreciate some more input. I'm so confused and torn. She picked me up today for our talk. I hoped for a long, communicative drive about our relationship and how we can make it better for both of us. She decided we were going to Target and we "might drive around a little" after. It started off wonderful. She said I was mature in a lot of aspects, thanked me for putting up with her, saying she knows its difficult and she appreciates me sticking around with her. It seemed like well-desired clarity for me. I loved it. I thanked her, it validated me. We agreed that we should be there for each other above everything and that communication was important. She gave me the tip of telling her to "think about what you're saying" next time she yells at me and she will stop, and mentioned that we will have a lot more time together when her school ends in "a few weeks". I asked her if she was happy in our relationship and she said absolutely, that if she wasn't she would have already left me (I believe it). She apologized for snapping at me, but said that "if I asked her to cuddle one more time she would" (I've been bringing it up and she keeps telling me when she gets time. Weeks pass, I ask again, she gets mad that she always says the same thing)
We went to Target, and things were good. We talked about other things. She very quickly shifted the conversation. I'd read about avoidant personalities in relationships and brought it up to her in the car that she might be one. She said that stuff was fake and meaningless. I also read that it might be best to approach it with compassion and more "these things make me feel good" as opposed to "this makes me feel bad". She interrupted me and told me to stop because it was annoying me saying "I love you so much". Not what I was going to say. It ended up as another argument, or at least for her. I kept saying that it was important for us to communicate, and that I felt like the problem would come up again if we didn't finish. She said we communicated too much and "why did I have to bring it up" because we moved past it and it ended on a high note and I just had to keep repeating myself and causing an argument and bring it into a negative note. I told her I wasn't arguing she was, and that there was no such thing as "too much" communication for me. For her, she said there was, and that by not shutting up about it I was making little things that she would nitpick and get mad at me for.
I said the lack of communication and connection was stressing me out, she said that I'm always stressed. That she was stressed too, tired with a headache and needing to pack for the trip I was uninvited from. I said maybe we should both go to a psychologist, she replied that she already did and was "fixed" and was waiting on me to finally go.
Since she didn't want to talk about it, I tried to change the subject, but she was silent. Still gave me an "I love you" and told me I'd see her in a week.
Parents are telling me to run away that she's toxic and manipulative. Same with you people here. I deeply appreciate the advice, its just really really hard to think of it this way. I thought I would marry her. I still hope she can change and I can, but it just seems increasingly unlikely. It's heartbreaking, I love so much about her, miss so much about her, and being alone is terrifying. I fear if I did leave as everyone is suggesting I may not find another person like her that I love as much.
My current plan, I'll just focus on myself and kind of "clock out" of the idea that she is the only person I am capable of loving and that she treats me perfectly while still being supportive of her for the next few weeks. I still have some hope that she'll be better in the weeks shes free. I don't know, I'll just focus on my life and put her on the same priority she puts me.

I was a math major. And I literally chose it because I HATE taking humanities. And the bottomest-tier humanity to me is History. I am not a good student so if I don’t care, I don’t work. Math and Physics were the only subjects that could make me do work outside of class.
I was in school on a scholarship given to me by my current employer. This scholarship required me to take a history class which I put off until the final semester of my final year. Coincidentally, I also needed one more humanities elective to earn my Mathematics degree. So I took history and I absolutely sucked.
Me just being a lazy student PLUS senioritis PLUS a signed job offer was the worst combination ever. I attended maybe 6 classes and I missed both the midterm and the final. He was a shitty teacher (I had him before) and he doesn’t put ANY grades in until they are due at the end of the semester. So all this time I had no clue what my grade was… but I could assume it was probably a flat F. Especially considering he tried to have 2-3 “talks” with me about my shitty attendance. And I kept skipping anyway.
In the last few weeks I realized that not only would an F mean I lose my job and owe the scholarship back, it also means I don’t graduate. I’m literally doing orientation at my job. One week until grades are due. I called and emailed the professor, went to his office hours, but he left to Africa 🤦🏾‍♀️. So I did the only thing I could think to do.
I sat down and wrote a 700 word essay-apology for my rudeness and tardiness. I implored him to remember the other class I took with him and how this was just an off semester for me. I told him how failing would mean delayed graduation AND loss of job security AND a hundred-thousand in debt. Which would absolutely devastate me and my baby daughter as we’re on our own. I Thanked him for allowing me to take the class. Sent it and crossed my heckin fingers.
No response, but 4 days later there was a ‘C’ posted next to HIST-451.

Only thing is, it’s literally a restrict day. 🙄
TRIGGER WARNING: TALK ABOUT FOOD AND NUMBERS
So some important background. I’m 34f, and have lived in a nursing home for seven years due mainly to physical disabilities, chronic illness, CPTSD and autism.
I was a “healthy” BMI when I moved in and for the first two years, started gaining when I had to off my ADHD medication, went up to “obese” BMI for a couple years, and finally over the past three years have lost enough and maintained weight to be in the upper end of the “healthy” BMI range again which is good enough for me. I don’t necessarily need to be “skinny”, I just can’t afford to outgrow the 17” wide seat of my customized wheelchair.
So I’ve been maintaining for six months or so. But it’s tricky, and I have at least one binge day per week followed by restriction day(s) to “make up for it”. Also because I’m so sedentary/mostly bedbound, even though I’m 5’6” my maintenance calories are just 1400. Anymore and I gain weight. So my binges are likewise “smaller” than an average binge by an average person with BED, but given my low metabolism and lower caloric needs, the damage is proportionate. On a binge day I’ll eat 2000-3000 calories total and then fast or restrict for as long as it takes afterwards to ensure I won’t gain any weight back. It’s horrible, I hate it, but you get it. It feels impossible to control.
So yesterday I binged. Luckily it wasn’t the largest of binges, so I calculated that I could undo the damage just by not eating until supper and having a large salad with canned chicken breast and calorie wise dressing with an apple for dessert. In true binge/volume eating style, yes, it was a huge pile of food on my plate but the total calories were 465 for the only meal I was allowing myself all day.
So when the dining room staff member came up to me, looked at my plate and said “I don’t know how you can eat all that and not be fat!” I was just feeling like.. fuck, I’m even doing my restriction meals wrong? I don’t know. It’s stupid to let it effect me. But she’s the type who naturally has a very low food drive (probably helped along by her chain smoking) and while every time I see her she has a small bowl of something she’s eating and it’s always cakes or desserts or other calorie dense foods, I understand different eating behaviours and how calories density works and grazing VS planned meals, etc, well enough to get why she can always appear to be eating cake and candy yet maintain in a tiny, possibly even underweight body. Whereas I’m very food driven, partly due to meds and ovarian cysts and a history of food scarcity and abuse and also simply due to not having a lot that I can to distract myself during my long, bedbound days so I tend to plan out full, volume dense, low calorie meals because I know I need that full, satisfied feeling and in order for me to “not be fat” (as she said) that means I have to be very aware of everything I eat and maximize volume and protein and fibre wherever possible.
I guess not only was I irritated by her comment, but also irritated that she gets to enjoy the privilege of having zero knowledge of calorie density, caloric needs, TDEE, BMR, BMI etc and what does she do with that privilege? Make a fucking comment that just rubs the salt all the way into the wound. And I also know I’m not the first person she’s made body size comments to. She’s made another staff member cry because she commented “careful, if you eat all that you’re going to get fat again.” NOT EVEN INTENDING TO BE MALICIOUS. She’s literally just THAT CLUELESS. She just has NO FUCKING IDEA. There are multiple people on staff here with body image and food issues, and I only know about them because they talk to me because they know I get it. None of them have bodies that you would look at and automatically think “eating disorder” because, as WE know, eating disorders don’t have a size. So knowing too that this woman is so privileged about her own relationship with food that she can remain at her age (early 70’s) so completely ignorant to the existence of these issues just makes me so extremely annoyed, envious, and angry, among other emotions I can’t even name.

There’s this guy, we’ll call Jay, I knew for a good year, through local military and political channels online. He was angry and a bit grouchy, but I agreed with his takes on most things.
I moved to a different state for work, but had a lot of connections at the old place, so checked in on the pages and groups I was part of, here and there. April saw a friend request from Jay and I accepted.
In July, after a blow up online that I questioned, Jay confided that his wife had been cheating on him and he found out the night before his retirement ceremony that January. He’d been trying to get past it for the sake of the kids, and of course the finances and societal and family views. He’s from a pretty strict family that doesn’t condone divorce. A cousin of his divorced her husband and the family shuns her to this day. Jay was going on 30 years married and it pretty much upended everything.
When he started talking about little things that meant a lot to her that he would refuse, like taking couples pictures, posting together online, etc, I flat out told him that if he was committed to getting past it, he was going to have to try. I referred him to counseling services, for himself and as a couple.
In Aug, I went back to see my kids, and we saw eachother in person for the first time. Talked for a bit and went on our way. The next morning was the first red flag my blind eyes saw… a post from him on his page about the most exquisite sunset he’s ever seen. I have red hair. I blocked him on everything. May have been harsh, but I had enough drama in my own life already at that point, going through a divorce myself.
He used linked in and his son’s Xbox account to message me in what used to be Google hangout. He was supposedly devastated I’d do that after meeting him. If I was disappointed in what I met, I could’ve just said so. Etc. I explained my issue. He seemed genuinely embarrassed, apologized. He had me thinking I overreacted and it didn’t mean that much. He pleaded to just be friends.
A couple of weeks later, they took a family trip and he posted a picture of the two of them and of the entire family. He did his thing, I did mine. It was just as before again. No harm really done.
Fast forward a couple months and he was getting angry and blowing up online again. I asked him if he’d been to counseling and he said yes, but his marriage was over. He couldn’t do it. He could barely look at her, let alone touch her, for her betrayal. He had questions and she would shut him down. He showed me some of the graphic messages between her and the guy. They talked about him in them. It was bad. He started going on how the only thing he needed was for her to be a mom and she was slipping there too. She stopped cooking and taking care of their kid.
About a week after this, he butt dialed through Facebook… I could tell it was in his pocket or something. He was getting out of the car, then headed inside. All I heard from that point on was her screaming at him. He very calmly told his kids to head to the bedroom. Shortly after, something smashed loudly. It all went down in just a couple of minutes. I hung up. I never brought it up.
Not long after, he told me he loved me and he couldn’t do this anymore. He couldn’t stand the thought of finding me and letting me slip through his fingers. To which I replied… I wasn’t the solution to his problems. He needed to fix his shit before dragging anyone else into it. It wasn’t fair to me. He agreed. He claimed to start looking for apartments and going to see a lawyer. He’d “married for the wrong reasons and she married the wrong guy. He never romantically loved her and she viewed him as security.” I really did care about him, but I couldn’t do that. I won’t lie, the temptation was there.
After he told her they needed to get the finances together to fill out the paperwork and discuss the one kid’s situation with it all, she first threatened to hurt herself, then she decided to offer an open marriage. She “wanted the security of the lifestyle he provided and didn’t want to be judged by their friends and family, esp the kids.” He sent me the message. I responded again with I couldn’t do that. I was surprise, but not surprised he was considering it. He didn’t want the blow out either. On the surface, I’m guessing it looked like a great way to move forward. So he continued with the separating. We talked a lot.
Then he realized the other reason she had… she had a new guy she was emotionally cheating with already, making plans to meet up. The drama was past too much a while ago. But now, it got worse. He decided to encourage it. Yep. He wanted her to go off with the guy, so he could justify the divorce without it falling on him. A couple of weeks later, he went on a business trip and she went to see the guy. He came back and saw all of the proof, she admitted it, and she emptied their savings account into one he wasn’t on.
Time for me to exit. I had fallen for him. It was only a few weeks, but hook, line, and sinker.
Again, he found me and begged for me to just talk. He just needed someone to talk to. He wouldn’t do or say anything else about us. That didn’t last. Covid basically halted anything court related that wasn’t a criminal offense endangering lives. I bent and gave in.
By November, she wasn’t with the guy anymore. And she’d decided to actually look me up… she was livid. She was now upset that if he moved on with me, it would make her look even worse (her phrasing). She sent me a message to that affect and told me to leave him alone. I sent it to him and they had a blow up.
I was pretty broken up, but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I told him to go on with his life or don’t, but I wasn’t going to sit by and watch the miserable insanity, let alone be part of it. She had threatened his relationship with the kids, that she would tell them he was the cause. That was a threat he wasn’t going to risk, I knew it.
I moved forward with my life. He tried to message here and there and it always ended up in a fight. He started getting mean, verbally abusive, then messages of love and he didn’t want to live without me. It was crazy making. I found out later, they’d gone on an island get away, supposedly to show everyone how great they were, working on their marriage… only he was messaging me how he cried when he was alone and how movies and music reminded him that he will be “empty” stuck with her until the youngest is out of the house in a few years.
I started seeing someone. And I was happy. Really happy. I was in the best shape of my life, going out with friends, having a great time. He would not stop messaging me. Every time he did, my life got sad again. He’d keep going until he got a reaction. And there was always a reaction. I hated myself for that. I felt absolutely crazy.
The end of July had him saying he couldn’t fake it, he missed me in his life, and he would do anything. I told him I was seeing someone. He lost it. He sent me a screenshot of her blowing up at him after seeing the phone statement with his texting and calling me…to prove he meant it and didn’t care of she was upset anymore.
A week later, I was hospitalized with Covid, initially in the ICU. It was bad. He started sending messages, texts, emails, and leaving voicemails, one after the other. Going from loving me more than anyone to me being a horrible narcissist who just needed him to make me feel good about myself. He was totally unhinged. I started blocking him everywhere, and he made up phone numbers and profiles to continue. He found out which hospital and sent presents to my room. I had to tell the nursing staff to stop any more.
The most abusive rant he sent accused me of faking being raped. This one he included her on… That was the last thread.
He almost immediately sent another barrage of messages about loving me and how empty he felt with her, that he had no feelings at all and couldn’t live like that. He needed me, loved me, and would do anything and everything to make it all up to me.
From my hospital bed, I started gathering everything. Now that I had her email and phone number, it was easy. I just sent her everything. Everything. Every message he tried to send thereafter, I forwarded to her. Every text, every message request, every picture, every song, every video… I sent them to her.
After I was finally released, I was still very ill. The recovery took months. I mailed back the “gifts” and continued to send her anything he sent me. And he just continued to do it. He would blow up at me for attacking and abusing her…lol. But continue to try to contact me.
The voicemail from him identifying himself, stating he was “addicted to me” and “can’t stop” was probably the scariest. Sent from a fake phone number to get around my block, begging me to block him on social media where he’d blocked, but keeps making up profiles to get around the blocks.
I started getting back outside after a few weeks. I have lung and heart damage, so it was slow going. One day, he literally just showed up where I was. I was actually scared to a point at that one. He’d been stalking me all over online, harassing me to no end, now this. He blocked me in. He said he just wanted to talk. I said I listen. He begged and pleaded to be with him. He was moving out officially. Then… his wife drove by. Yep, she was tracking him. Some ppl showed up and he moved. I left as she was pulling in.
I went to the police, who did nothing because he didn’t actually hurt me.
He then sent messages to the guy I was seeing after finding out somehow who it was… telling HIM how much he loved me and how he’d have married me already if it weren’t for his youngest still at home and what this would do to him.
Two more times he showed up in two other places… I ended up changing jobs, moving out of state, changing my contact info, getting rid of any app I couldn’t lock down completely, and using a P.O. Box. He STILL found ways to contact me. He started friending my friends online. Anyone he saw mention me in any conversation, he tried to friend.
I continued sending everything to his wife. Every communication. Every “like”. Every friend saying he was trying to connect with them. The messages he sent the guy I was seeing… all of it. If I’m being harassed, she’s going to get it all too. I was sick of it. And scared her was going to continue getting worse. I guess there was a part of me that thought he’d give up if she went off on him enough. Delusional.
The new state’s DA sent him an official cease and desist order. It is just shy of a protective order, which I didn’t qualify for because he didn’t hurt me or specifically threaten to. I now know why so many women die each year.
It’s been two years… He still tries to reach out. Now, he’s just started spreading rumors about me to anyone who’ll listen. They get back to me every time. It’s really crazy the way he thinks. He’s telling everyone his personal business, while trying to make it look like I seduced him to a point he had no control of himself. It’s wild. I have over 100 emails, texts, and messages that I never replied to. And those are just the ones I’ve seen. Mind you, these ppl have seen the stalking themselves.
Am I the a-hole or just wasting my time? It’s been nearly five years, over two of them with me in no contract with him. She does blow up at him every time I send more stuff, she hasn’t blocked me, but it isn’t stopping him… reporting with the police didn’t either though.

So I just got booted from all offices associated with UNC women’s health group offices.
It went from me leaving the office in a fury at the absolute bum foolery of a one Dr. Gregory Simolke; and yes I’m publicly shaming him, To me being dismissed from all campuses. It started with the nurse telling me to undress for a pelvic exam. I said, “what pelvic exam? I’m here to discuss PMDD treatment since all other forms have failed.” She laughed and said ok. Weird.
He comes in and explains to me all my labs are normal, uterus and ovaries are perfectly healthy, so what do I want? I tell him I would like to discuss a trial chemical menopause to see how my body would take actual menopause, and if I did well, I am requesting a total hysterectomy with total oophorectomy.
He looked puzzled and said “what’s that? Even if you did well with this “supposed” chemical menopause, it doesn’t mean you would handle menopause well at all. And you’re too young (33). I wouldn’t do it.”
I said “why not? Every other form of treatment has failed, im done having children, and frankly it’s my body and I’m tired of living in this prison of PMDD.”
He said, “well ssris will treat the mood part.” No it won’t. I’ve tried at least ten different ones.
Ok at this point I’m heated. I start to cry because the seasonique that was once my savior is no longer effective. In fact I had bled for almost an entire pack. I told him I had gotten a taste of what it was like to have a normal life, and I wasn’t giving it up. I will be greedy, for once in my life, to keep what I found. Oophorectomy. I know in my bones the ovaries are the problem. He brings up that since I had asked for a hysterectomy that could be done, but not the ovaries. I said what? I never asked for a hysterectomy only.
Anywho; I’m crying, my body is shaking, I tell him I need to leave and he says “well don’t you want to see your chart? I’ll show you where it says you asked for a hysterectomy.”
I took the bait. I was quite curious where that came from. Apparently I had said that at another visit with a different doctor. A lady I had saw two weeks prior for labs. She also said “discussed with patient the negative effects of excessive bmi on menstrual cycles.”
We never talked about that. Nice way of calling me fat; thanks.
Well; at this point I stand up; declare I am done with UNC health; and walk out the door. As I left I said “oh yeah, why DID you want to do a pelvic exam on me? I never asked for one and it wasn’t necessary. “ he said “well once you said you didn’t want one I didn’t press the matter, did I?”
I tried calling my surgeon (I didn’t go to him first bc he was impossible to get an appointment with and his receptionists would never answer the phone) a few hours later. The lady said I was dismissed from all premises and not welcome back. I said why not? She said apparently there was an incident with Dr. Simolke today, based on your behavior you aren’t welcome here.” I flipped my shit.
I demanded to speak with her supervisor and she said ok, one moment…..
Guess who is on the other end of the line? None other than our esteemed Dr. Simolke.
He laughed. And said “Hello? Are you there “ha ha ha.”
I epically flipped my shit.
I called him every name in the book.
I demanded he undo whatever he did to get me dismissed.
He said “ oh but it was you who decided you were done with us. You have no one to blame but yourself. I can try to speak with your surgeon to see if he wants to see you.”
I said “don’t you dare speak to him on my behalf. You have no right and I’m sure you’ll paint me in negative light.” He said well that’s your choice. I finally conceded defeat and asked him to speak with him. He said he would see what he could do and he hoped I got the help I needed.
I just tried to call my surgeon to give him my side of the story, and the receptionist said I was no longer a patient based on my terrible behavior and not welcome to call them or ever speak to my surgeon again. And she hung up.
Felling pretty upset rn, chat.

... sorry, I didn't mean to write a book. but it did feel good.
tl;dr wife is unhappy in our marriage and wants to separate; our home and place where our son has grown up isn't where she needs to be for her mental health, but she wants 50% minimum custody. We can work out all the financial aspects, but I'm opposed to uprooting him from his childhood home, school and friends and moving back to from is NOT conducive to my own mental health. Even if I was okay with uprooting him, I'm not okay with only seeing him 4 days a month, which is what she offered if I stay here.
Wife (38F) and I (39M) have been together for 14 years, married for almost 10 (10th anniversary is next month... ugh..). The first five years of our relationship were dreamy.
We did the thing where we tried to decide our entire lives up front. Got married, got pregnant, moved to a new city to be closer to her sister, bought our first house. She was going to try to go to nursing school and the plan was for her to eventually take the reins financially for a while so I could find a more resonant line of work. Had our whole future planned out and it was going to be peachy.
We moved and our house was a total lemon (but of course the inspection report was squeaky clean).. like, foundation crumbling, infestations of termites and fleas, roof failing, finished basement flooding, asbestos inhibiting any repairs, ... it would be easier if I asked you to name a problem and I could tell you if we didn't have it.
At the same time, my job became unbearable, giving me daily panic attacks. Then our son was born, and the birth was horrific. Son ended up in the NICU, she ended up with an unmedicated triple episiotomy, the works. Super traumatizing. My job was only going to give me two weeks of parental leave, which with the intensity of it and everything else going on, wasn't going to work. So I quit to spend those first months at home.
We thought we had a good friend and support network, but as soon as we became "those people" with a kid and responsibilities, a large number of them abandoned us.
It became clear she wouldn't be able to go to nursing school, and I took on the full financial responsibility, and along with a lifetime of good old fashioned American patriarchy brainwashing, I tried to put on the stoic provider hat, dealing with all the house repairs (no prior experience), training myself and making connections to get a new job, and trying to show up as a dad and friend as best I could.
I succeeded at the provider parts of the equation, but failed as a partner. She asked basic things of me ("can you please make one meal a week?" -- I didn't, and don't even remember it). We got the house fixed, and agreed to move to a smaller town an hour outside the big city- great! Everyone from the big city loves this small town, I'm happier because I have access to things that I know are good for my mental health, everything's good right?
Except it wasn't. Apparently, she secretly didn't want to move, but decided to go along with it for my sake. As things stabilized, my mental health improved, and I doubled down on my unfulfilling career as it became clear that she wasn't going to contribute financially and I NEEDED an exit.
Meanwhile, she was feeling isolated, building resentment, and begging for my attention, which I did give to her, but not in the quantity and ways she needed. She still maintained the public image "we're just not city people" even as she spent increasing amounts of time back in the city, finding communities she found more resonant. I was happy to see her finding her own outlets, as they gave me time to invest in my hobbies and decompress from my stressful job.
I finally reached a point where I felt like I could disengage from my unfulfilling career while still feeling financially stable, but by then it was too late. She was feeling traumatized, unfulfilled, isolated, resentful and pretty much done with the relationship. I sensed her slipping away and reacted with my own trauma reactions rooted in my fear of abandonment. I started snooping on her even though she never gave me any reason not to trust her.
We entered couples counseling as it became clear the damage was relationship-threatening, and I think she was pretty much already done by the time we started, but I was panicking and trying desperately to save my marriage and family. I embraced radical empathy, deeply accepted her point of view, which cast me as possessive bordering on emotionally abusive, engaged in self-discovery and self-work, which still continues, made every effort to correct behavior and admit fault, to no avail. Too little, too late for her.
So, here we are. We've still managed to raise a crazy well-adjusted son, with high emotional intelligence. We've built a homestead farm in a stunning geographic location. I feel like I'm now the perfect piece to complete a puzzle that's in flames. I can show up in all the ways she no longer is receptive to. She wants to move back to the city to be near the community that carried her through the rough years, and she wants to take our son with her.
I have faith we can figure out all the financial details. I have no desire to hurt her or prevent her growth. If we didn't have a kid, it would be clear- she'd move back to the city, be close to her sister and our friends, and I'd stay on the farm and build where I've found resonance. But our kiddo (9M) is the sticking point. She agreed (in writing) to hang on for a year at the farm while I get an apartment 20m away to keep him in his school and home and to split parenting duties 50/50. I signed a lease and wired $13k to pay six months rent up front (housing is INSANELY scarce and competitive where we live-- this was the only way to make sure I got it). I triple-checked with her to make sure it was OK. I'm devastated at her deciding to leave and I don't want to leave the farm, but I thought she'd at least be able to maintain continuity with the things she'd be building there.
Then, she comes back to me last night and says she needs to go to the city for her own mental health. WTF!?? I've been RACING to catch up to her in the need to separate, fighting my own urges to beg her to stay, respecting her need for space, bending over to make it easier for her. And we're already $13k in the hole for this apartment that she no longer wants me to move to. She was expecting me to just either say "OK, I'll cancel the lease. You can move to the city and take our son with you, and I'll accept minimal custody," or "I'll move to the city with you guys and uproot myself and our son from what we know and feel as resonant."
I'm trying SO HARD to meet her where she wanted me to be and to be supportive of the separation. I want her to be OK mentally and financially, but holy FUCKING FUCK this is breaking me. I'm a GREAT dad. I can't only see my son FOUR DAYS a month. We have already told him he'll be able to go back to fourth grade. I've already signed a lease and accepted this diminished, shitty version of the life I wanted... and now this. How do I handle this? 😭

Hello I am going to keep this as anonymous as possible and really only looking for way I can help. The father is a great dad kind, let him be free, and is a great communicator, but still his son has been not liking him recently. So for context I 22F (will call me Ashley) am dating a 32M (will call him John). He has a 3y old (will call him Bo) with his ex 32F (will call her Jessica). Jessica and John have only been apart a year, and currently he has 5d w Bo and she 2d. So recently Bo has been saying that he doesn't want dad, he wants mom, doesn't like dad and one time I have heard him say he hates dad. To add other thing they used to split time up evenly 3/4 day and would swap, so someone had him 4d one week and 3d another. Within the last two-three months Jessica has been requesting to have sat and sun off to "drink and organize her week" and then three days a week she works as a nurse so she cannot take him. So now it is at 5d with dad and 2d with mom. From then Bo had begun to talk about mom more and I figured typical since it is his mom and he sees her less and we do what we can to let him know she is just working and will come back to get him and we don't discourage him from talking about her. Within the last month I noticed Bo call things moms (ex: that's moms candy, that's moms cereal, that's moms tree, that's moms toy) most of the things of course are not hers as were either at a grocery store or at his dads were he's gotten new toys, and I personally don't do much to correct it. I mean he is a kid, and maybe sometimes I will be like no that's coco pebbles to help teach him the name of things but often time I am not sure what to say and just ignore it. Then too within the last month Bo hasn't been wanting to come to dads it really started one day we had to pick him at 4PM and she had just put him down for a nap and she decide instead of us coming back she was just going to wake him and that made him a bit cranky and he didn't want to leave her house and kept talking about going back to lay down. When he does come back from hers I notice often time he has heavy bags under his eyes and often make John put him to bed an hour or two early just to try to get some sleep. I wish I was kidding but sometimes I am like he should go to bed now cause he'll have double bags and just glossy eyes and noticeable irritable from being tired. Other things I notice too that whenever he comes back from hers A. he has begun to hit the table or will clap at you and point and grunt to get you to do something B. he will also be more upset when we ask him to say please or thank you and says "I don't want to I want to point" C. I understand that she had bought him nerf guns for Christmas he turned one (?? idk what john says) so she plays fight and hits with him so he will hit a lot more the day after hers as well and he doesn't understand when to play hit and sometimes he'll get really ruff and rude with his grandpa especially (his grandpa can barely hear especially high pitched voices so Bo will often hit him after grandpa doesn't hear him and respond). Very boy thing to be rough we get it so we just do our best to say we don't hit and to be kind and move on and D recently (I have picked up on it but from phone calls I have over heard she will say things like "Bo you are such a selfish boy" in like a giggly silly way and he's a huge copy cat so he'll say it back (as he'll say most everything back). Another thing I noticed every time the last 6 times we've picked him up he's got moms favorite, moms epic dude, momma boy, momma something on his shirt. WHICH again is great and cool, but I believe its more of a manipulation thing. A lot of this behavior from her is recent and not typically within the last 4-5M it has started. Ever since I got introduced to Bo he has wanted me and wants to talk to me and accidently called me mom for a month and talks about loving me a lot and about 4-5M ago she did send a huge text to John explaining she wants me nothing near her son and I am trying to take him and how she hates me, then after all that its been all super sweet talk, all mommas boy, they have also been going out more to museums and she's been bragging about taking him everywhere. So after all that context my big question is what can I do to help my boyfriends son from not talking like that and seeing that his dad is good or is there just anything I can do to help or is it just a phase? P.S yes he does punish him and he gets very angry about that, but its only for serious thing like hitting to hard sneaking out of the house or throwing grandmas decorations and smashing them knowing not that's not good, but I cant and probably actually can believe that she doesn't punish him cause she only has him two days shes off both days and can do whatever he wants plus she begged and pleaded for the house John bought so she doesn't have to live at her parents were they have they have more rules cause they don't want their stuff broken our "floor ruined" (I think it sucks but its were he lives and its who his parents are and I get it so, we also have other things to work around)

First year CC student. Graduated high school with a low GPA (2.0?) four years ago.
Was severely depressed, so had to finish high school through an adult school to earn enough credit to graduate. Going back to school/college for the first time since the pandemic.
I want to register for summer classes at my community college to get a head start, but the counselor (who was highly praised by students) doesn’t seem to care. Just feeling very overwhelmed right now, and would like some help.
I know aiming for Harvard with my current stats is very ambitious, but I simply don’t want to live with any more regrets or what-ifs. Just the sheer act of going through the admission process will give me motivation for general schooling, and force me to learn fundamental skills I missed out on in high school.
Would really appreciate some guidance on how to navigate the transfer process and apply for the next admission term (March 1st, 2025):

1. I plan to start filling out my Common App essays as soon as the next cycle opens on July 31st, 2024. Is this a good idea?
   
2. SAT/ACT scores are required, but I’m sure mine were not the best. I don’t have time to retake them since I want to transfer within a year. I also have AP exam scores (highest would be a 3 or 4 tbh). How many, and which score should I send in?
   
3. College/Dean’s/Registrar’s report. This was labeled under “Printable Transfer Application Forms” (along with Havard Transfer Supplement and Midterm Report), and was explicitly stated that you cannot fill these out electronically. Would I have to go talk directly to the Dean, and ask them to fill then mail this out?
   
4. Havard Transfer Supplement. Not to be filled out electronically. Does this mean it has to be handwritten. Or can I type on it then print to mail?
   
5. Official High School Transcript. Which one do I submit: high school vs adult school transcript? Do I submit both?
   
6. Course Credits. I know Harvard does not accept students with more than 60 credits. How many should I take to be considered a junior applicant? I want to apply as a junior since I want less emphasis on my high school GPA. I don’t really care about which CC credit can be transferred over, but would Harvard care if only 15 credits or less can be transferred?
   
7. I plan on taking online classes for my summer semester. Would this affect anything? Those classes are still considered college courses right?
   
8. “Test scores can be particularly helpful for non-traditional students. We encourage non-traditional students to submit an exam taken within three years of applying for transfer to reflect current academic ability.” What is considered a non-traditional student? I’ve seen “4-year traditional student” on this subreddit a lot. I assume that means a transfer student from a four year university. Would I be considered non-traditional?
   
9. Is there anything else I need to know?
   

I’m feeling very anxious because I feel like I’m running out of time. Thank you to those who took the time to read this, and answer my questions.

Hi,
I'm currently a rising sophomore at a mid-tier LAC. It's arguably the best college in the state, but I'm not challenged enough. I generally enjoy it, but I wish I had far more resources at my disposal, a better school spirit, and more inspiring/engaging professors with bigger class sizes. I also just generally dislike the aesthetics of the place and find myself constantly feeling isolated by its smallness + horrible weather. I was accepted to UMich and UWashington Honors in HS but couldn't afford to attend.
I'm intent on pursuing law school or at the very least grad school for sociology and/or political science. My current school has a good polisci dept., which is what I'm majoring in, but my heart really lies within sociology. The department here is just... barren, to say the very least.
Stats:
HS and college GPA both 4.0 (valedictorian); 34 ACT (35 superscore); LGBTQ+, female, Arab and white, will be turning 21 in fall 2025; 7 AP's (small HS) with all 4's and 5's
Very talented essay-writer. my essays are good, ok??? i dont wanna sound arrogant lol
Major: polisci but will likely double in sociology or switch altogether; interested in family law and women's rights law
Hook:
I have a very clear vision of what I would like to do, and my EC's reflect that. As a result of my personal experiences with various forms of abuse throughout my life, I am committed to pursuing systemic change when it comes to curtailing the effects of domestic abuse and violence especially as it pertains to families. I am incredibly passionate about women's rights as they pertain to the law and policy.
EC's (not gonna go too in detail to avoid doxxing; some of these are in-progress but will be done by the app deadline, will switch out different ones depending on school):
Resource referral / phone receptionist at women's DV shelteadvocacy nonprofit. Related to legal aid, family law, social work, mental health, and of course women's advocacy. Generally serves an underserved area of the city I live in.
Legal internship with NGO that specializes in serving DV survivors. Worked alongside current law school students to research protective orders across countless districts in order to seek a means of reform for them, hoping to help remove the barriers that exist between victims and safety. Also did research to help the org connect to ally groups/professionals in the field.
Founded SA prevention and awareness student organization for my current school campus following a string of incidents that shook the community. Held info sessions, spread awareness via poster campaigns, held fundraisers for shelters, advocated for campus security to incorporate more means of reporting SA, etc.
-- also may run an unplanned pregnancy kit drive. I did a similar one in HS for foster kid birthdays
Founded NGO - website containing a registrar of local vetted resources and plans of action for victims of DV; doubles as a list of organizations/shelters to donate to
Edited legal professor's book
Volunteered as tutor for creative writing support with underserved elementary-age students my entire freshman year
Worked at student tutoring center as an appointment coordinator my entire freshman year
Founded HS GSA chapter, successfully achieved LGBTQ+ history inclusion in school curricula in Deep South private Christian HS (!!!) during peak Don't Say Gay times
College radio DJ
College debate team member, competed at regional level (hopefully national this year! we usually go!)
Femme-inclusive, female-empowerment-oriented acapella group member (college)
College first-year orientation leader
College paper staff member with featured articles
Published in school journal for several polisci/soc oriented papers
Ran a ~40k+ member online hobby community for several years in HS across multiple websites.
Misc. other stuff: volunteering in HS, very talented in performance and visual arts (ie Scholastic award for art in HS and theater competition success), state-level English competition awards, Spanish proficiency, HS student gov't, very dedicated to personal fitness/exercise
Interested in: UPenn (I am VERY interested in their sociology concentrations), Vandy, Cornell, Brown (my former dream school......need aid tho RIP), Georgetown, Columbia, Dartmouth, NYU, Northwestern, Rice, UChicago, Tulane (legacy but I don't think they care)...
Suggest more if you'd like. I'm open to LAC's but I want to live in the city. My current LAC is in a city, but it's too small and bubble-y. I wanna break out of the bubble!!
I'll also apply to HYPSM just in case. I have connections to HYSP, Penn, and Tulane of varying degrees lol (from family to former classmates).
Worries:
I don't have "impressive" EC's. I don't enjoy going out for big awards or competitions. Being a militant leader type on campus also irks me. I just do good work and things I enjoy. I try to be humble, so I often under-sell myself.
Thanks in advance!!

I'm am an Oregon CPA candidate that passed the last of my four exams in March of 2022, while working at a Government Agency in Oregon. Since October of 2022, i have been working directly under two CPAs as part of a "CPA mentor program", at the same government agency. I completed my 2000 hours of experience right around the time the Oregon BOA removed their narrative requirement, in October of 2023.
However, my CPA supervisors are requiring me to write a narrative(an essay explaining how the work you've done makes you CPA worthy) following the prior BOA format, to be reviewed internally by two ither CPAS and my two supervisory CPAs, together forming what they call the "CPA Panel." While I wasn't happy about it, I did write an essay for the panel. I completed my first draft around December of 2023.We (my two direct supervisor, the other panel members have not reviewed the essay at all yet) have gone through multiple rounds of drafts of my currently 19 page essay, and it's beginning to feel like they are purposely dragging out the process.
This wouldn't be so upsetting if I knew that, once the essay was satisfactory, they would sign off on my hours. However, they've said multiple times that once the essay is completed the panel will review it to determine if I'm ready to be a CPA, or if I have to complete more work under them.
I emailed the Oregon BOA last week about my issue, and it appears they are not going to respond.
Today, I was sent a very mysterious meeting invite between me, my supervisory CPAs, and a higher level manager and I'm pretty sure they are going to say I have to work for another year or more under my two supervisor CPAs, as they think my work has not been sufficient to obtain the experience sign off.
Has anyone ever had a situation like this? Do I have any recourse at all?
EDIT: The meeting was to remove me from the CPA Program, due to unprofessional behavior (I assume this means the push back I gave on the narrative) but I can reapply in June, 2025...

I am expecting my first child in a few weeks and will be delivering via scheduled c-section. I have had abdominal surgery once before (hence the need for the c-section) and found the recovery to be rough (and that was without a newborn to take care of). My husband and I are trying to do everything we can to make our first few weeks postpartum go as smoothly as possible. I have talked to lots of other moms who recently delivered via c-section and have been reading through reddit threads about c-section recovery, what to expect the first few days of baby's life, etc. Our goal is to take things slowly and minimize chaos wherever possible.
My parents, who are retired and live 12 hours away, have been planning to come help out when the baby is born. I was grateful for their offer of support - we have room in our house to accommodate them, and they are still young and agile enough to be helpful. My mom is a complicated person; we have a close but complicated relationship I have spent much of my adult life learning to more effectively navigate. That said, I find her presence comforting when I am not well - she took care of me after my first surgery, and despite the pain I was in, I think back on that time really fondly. Moreoever, I loved the idea of my parents both being present to meet and spend time with my child (their first grandchild) at the beginning of his life. My mom offered that she and my dad would be available to help with laundry, cooking, and taking care of our two high-energy dogs. They proposed staying a few weeks.
As the delivery date nears, my conversations with my mom about the post-birth plan have become more and more tense.
Our first blow up was about my husband's and my decision to hire a night nurse to come five nights a week during the first two weeks postpartum. Hiring a night nurse was a significant expense for us, and it was a decision we made very carefully after talking to friends and co-workers who have recently had babies. We spent a ton of time researching and interviewing candidates before selecting someone we felt comfortable with. Our thinking was that the night nurse would be available to help during the nights she is here so my parents are rested enough to help during the day. I specifically hired the night nurse to start her shifts at 10pm, when my parents typically start getting ready for bed, and to leave at 8am, which is when my parents are usually having their morning coffee.
My mom seemed to take this decision very personally and didn't like that I would be taking advice, and seeking support from, anyone other than her. She accused me of "packing the house with people" and being overly concerned with planning for the worst-case-scenario. She also seemed to think that the night nurse made her obsolete. I explained that I am counting on her help and support during the day and want her to have time to rest. She said it was presumptuous of me to assume that she can't go a few weeks without sleep. She seemed to interpret our decision to hire a night nurse as a sign of ingratitude. "Why am I turning my life upside down if you are paying someone else to help?"
Her reaction really hurt and surprised me, but I tried to stay calm. I pointed out that my husband and I had already made a decision and that this was not a negotiation. I also pointed out that she seemed to be prioritizing her own feelings and was not listening to what I was saying WE need as we navigate this post-op recovery and transition to parenthood. She replied that she is allowed to have feelings. Still, the conversation ended with me in tears. My mom and I never revisited the conversation (my mom is not very good at repair and is loathe to apologize - plus, I don't think she thinks she has anything to apologize for).
Today, we got in another fight because my mom is insisting on bringing their dog with them when they come. This is the second time my mom has brought this up. My husband feels strongly that he does not want a third dog in the house because it will add unnecessary chaos. For context, one of our dogs gets overstimulated very easily and can sometimes be reactive to other dogs. When my parents visited with their dog for Thanksgiving, we had to watch our dog closely for signs of reactivity, give her breaks, etc. My parents' dog also barks more than either of our dogs, and my husband is concerned about the noise. However, we would like OUR dogs to be home with us so they can begin to acclimate to the new baby.
I communicated all of these concerns to my mom and offered a number of solutions, including 1. that we can find a local Rover or petsitter to watch her dog for the first week they are here, 2. that we can find a local Rover or petsitter to watch our dogs, or 3. that she and my dad can stay with their dog in a nearby Airbnb. My mom rejected all of these ideas and replied that we should medicate our dog if she is the one who is the problem. My mom refuses to consider a petsitter for her dog because the dog is a rescue with a history of abandonment, and she doesn't want the dog to feel like she has been abandoned again (note: our dogs are rescues, too, and we board them all the time). My mom once again accused me of micromanaging and clearly thinks my husband and I are being unreasonable. She said, "surely you can understand why I don't want to be without my dog."
I fully recognize that these are very trivial problems in the grand scheme of things, and that we are fortunate to have parents willing and ready to support us. That said, I am not sure how to proceed. My mom is, and always has been, emotionally immature in a lot of ways, but I never imagined she would be so difficult at such an important time. What worries me is not so much the substance of these disagreements, but her inability to put my needs above her own in the tender weeks after I give birth. I am not sure whether to cave and let her bring her dog (maybe she's right, and it will be fine!), or to hold firm, even if it means she and my dad don't come. I worry that asking them not to come will draw a line in the sand that will be difficult to come back from. At the same time, it feels like they are choosing their dog over their daughter and grandchild, which I find extremely hurtful. Part of me senses that this actually has nothing to do with the dog, or the night nurse, and is more about her own control issues.
What should I do?

I just got my tilt table test done and I feel a bit discouraged. When I first got onto the table and was laying down, the nurses said my heart rate was around 90. I am really anxious in medical settings so despite my (normal) supine HR being in the 80s and 90s on my own, it was 115 because of how anxious I was (I don’t really like being touched or needles or hospitals all of which made me nervous.)
I did say that I was feeling anxious. I think they put my supine down as 107, though, so I don’t know if I even met the 30 bpm increase that I have been meeting on my own. My dr. said that my symptoms showed “a degree of POTS” but I’m not quite sure what that means. I have my follow up Tuesday so I guess I’ll know then - he told me to up my water and salt. I just feel discouraged rn because I was hoping I’d leave with answers.
Has anyone gotten a messed up / unclear result because of anxiety messing with their HR? 😞

Someone mentioned a book called "Nourishing Yourself Through Eating Disorder Recovery" or something to that effect. It was like, the "plate-by-plate" approach or something similar.
I'm broke as hell and can't buy the book right now, but I was wondering if anyone on here could explain some of the main guidelines to me. Or if you could point me to any free resources that would guide me in a similar way.
I also recently asked my psych NP to request samples from Kate Farms, which is like, supercharged Ensure that's also vegan and made of pea protein. It's for medical nutrition. They sent two boxes containing a dozen each of the vanilla 1.0 and plain 1.5, which surprised both of us to no end. I figured I might get one or two and a coupon for my next order or something. She's a nurse practitioner, not a doctor or psychiatrist or nutrition specialist, nor is she an eating disorder specialist of any kind. I'm guessing a therapist could also make the request; it just has to come from some type of medical provider. Oh and she has another client with similar issues who has Medicaid and got them to pay for a YEAR SUPPLY of the stuff. Completely covered.
I got them yesterday. My first thought was, wow, I have to tell other people about this. I mean, I can't imagine I'm the only broke bitch who also has food problems like this. I'm barely functional, but I still want to help make things better for others. And I think it's good to be reminded that some things in this world aren't awful and unfair. Sometimes you can still be surprised by generosity, and it's nice to know that this exists, that several people went out of their way to not just make and sell the product, but recognized that there was a need that wasn't being addressed: some folks with EDs or other eating and feeding issues don't have money, but they still need a product like this. They saw that, and they actually DID SOMETHING: they created a form for providers to request samples, and the samples are incredibly generous.
I'm just saying, it's good to remind yourself that not everything in the world is brutally unfair. I have to do it often in the last several months. But that is another story for another subreddit lol
My second thought was, wait, now what? Because I have these things and should probably try to use them. But I have no idea how to incorporate them into my diet. So I'm doing what any broke bitch with an internet connection would do in this day and age: I'm asking Reddit. And a few other places, but this is one of my go-to sites for certain things.
How do you all incorporate supplements like this in your recovery efforts? And I'll take all the meal planning info I can get. I'm also vegan, but that predates and exists apart from the ED shenanigans, at least for me. I recognize that some folks use that kind of diet as a mask for disordered eating, but I'm 34 and went vegan at 16. My food weirdness existed before that, but it didn't reach ED levels until I was nearly 18. Veganism has always been a matter of ethics for me, but I'm way past the point where I could be bothered to harass others about it. Inform, sure, but I think it would be pretty bonkers for me to try to tell anyone how to live and eat, when I can barely get myself to do those things lately.
Y'all, I hate this. Eating is literally a basic biological function. Plenty of idiots do it with no problem, and I can't. Bigots and other generally awful people do it all the time, zero issues, but it's my fucking kryptonite. I want to do so many things in this world and yet all my energy is going towards anorexia. I hate that I even care.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk lol

*Warning, long post*
Something that I have been pondering my orb about for a long time, is the (causal) relationship the planes have with each other and how they affected another, either directly or indirectly.
I will start with an overview of the planes and their known (meaning explored in canon and kanon sources) relationships with each other. I added sources for some of the statements, because I am a nerd, mainly Exploring Eberron. They might not be perfectly precise though, and some parts of my statements may be from other sources, so sorry if I forgot to add them.
It is a common theme of eberron that the planes are largely self-contained, unchanging, concept-dominated realities, safe for a few exceptions (Dal Quor, Thelanis, Dolurrh), and that they do largely not interact with one another. Furthermore, their inhabitants either don't care about the happenings on other planes (ExE 144) or simply study/monitor them, like the panopticon of Daanvi (ExE 151) or the schoolars of Syrania (ExE 189-190, 193). (Addition: Curiously, this part is a bit contradicted by the astral plane section of Chronicles of Eberron (Page 113), which states that outer planar immortals use the astral plane to travel between the outer planes. Examples are an archfey being transported to daanvi for judgement or a syranian virtue traveling to the infinite archive. So there appears to be some kind of interaction and interest for another among the outer planes.)
The material plane is the centre of the planar system where all the planar concepts come together, and it feels the effects of the planes the most, due to manifest zones, wild zones and the lunar phases.
The likes of Daanvi, Kythri, Xoriat, Lamannia, Mabar, Irian, Fernia, Risia, Shavarath and Syrania are not affected by happenings on neither the material, nor other planes. Events that transpire in the material, for example, no matter how cataclysmic they may be (like the eon-spanning reign of the overlords, the reality-transforming experiments of the Daelkyr and the destruction of the moon cyra, are simply (seemingly) inconsequential to them (Except for Daanvi's Solar of Dal Quor, Tyrala, who vanished after leaving to investigate Dal Quor after Cyra's destruction (ExE 150)).
On the other hand, the likes of Dolurrh, Dal Quor and Thelanis strongly feel the effects of events on the material, and to some degree even another.
Dal Quor's dream of the age is very likely (We don't entirely know) determined by the collective emotions and dreams of the mortals of the material plane, over extended periods of time (ExE 153). The Age of the Dreaming Dark was probably ushered in due to the destruction of Cyra and the detremential consequences it had for the giants and the material world as a whole.
Similairly, Thelanis is affected by the stories mortals tell, and their archfey are actively manipulating events on the material plane to make sure that they stay in power, grow in power, or that a rival looses power (ExE 195). Furthermore, the Feyspires of the Moonlit Valey manifest regulairly in specific manifest zones of the material plane, during the coterminous phases of Rhaan, leading to even greater interaction with the material. Thanks to the mourning, some or all of these might even be (If one wants it to be so in their eberron) permanently manifested on the material plane (ExE 196). Additionally, some of the Feyspires are even linked to other planes, like Shae Tirias Tolai to Dolurrh (https://keith-baker.com/silver-and-bone/) or Taer Lian Doresh (ExE 154).
Dolurrh is logically affected and based on the continued precept of mortals dying. The mortal soul passes to dolurrh after death and is proccessed through the planes natural effects (ExE 156-157), and later on through the more precise processing by the librarian, the smith of souls or the queen of the dead herself (ExE 157-158). All in all, every event that transpires in dolurrh is connected to the precept of mortal death, which makes sense, as it is its purpose to serve as the end of the journey, or the beginning of the next (ExE 156). While something like this has probably never happened before, if by some means no mortals would die anymore, dolurrh's existence would essentially be defunct. This is more of a strong hypothetical, yes, but my point for these planes stands.
Drastic changes on the material will change cause drastic changes to the three aformentioned planes. Mortal dreams and feelings change the theme of Dal Quor's heart, mortal stories and tales change the themes of thelanis and mortal soul processing is essentially the entire 'economy' of dolurrh, so to speak.
For the final part of this overview, I want to talk about Xoriat. In Exploring Eberron (Exe 199) it was established that the Xoriat exists out of time and that the daelkyr can reshape the material plane as they see fit, by manipulating its position in the maze of reality. This happened at least once and possibly even numerous times. When the prime material plane is changed and the former incarnation discarded, it does not simply change the present, but also the past and the future. Thus Xoriat's influence is not simply limited to time-travel, but even the alteration of the timeline itself into an alternate reality. When this happens or happened, some things remain(ed) unchanged. The progenitors, as the creators of the multiverse, always remain, but their battle might have transpired differently. As described in the Keith's blog post on Gem Dragons (https://keith-baker.com/dm-gem-dragons/), in 'Githeberron' Khyber might not have destroyed Siberys' body, but instead his mind, giving an explanation for the source of psionics as opposed to arcane magic. This was called the 'Dream of Siberys', as opposed to the Blood of Siberys, and the Gem dragons are the children of eberron infused with the Dream of Siberys. In the comments, Keith even suggest that in Githeberron or another alternate reality, Khyber was broken apart by Eberron and encased a wounded Siberys to stabilize him, creating a Ring of Khyber and a underworld of siberys instead. In the same comment, he states that the maze of reality can only affect the material plane and the outer planes remain unchanged, supporting the concept that they were constructed as the building blocks of material reality.
With these points in mind, I have been wondering about the impacts and consequences of the following hypothetical a canon events. I would like to hear your opinions on these.
Age of Demons: During the Age of Demons, which supposedly lasted since almost the beginning of time and for eons, the godlike overlords reigned over the mortal children of eberron and the celestial children of siberys uncontested. There was nothing but suffering, misery, agony, fear, it was literal hell on eberron for most of the world's history. - During that time, how would this have affected the planes? As far as I know, this was never adressed before in any capacity. - Did the perpetual suffering of mortals lead to a permanent nightmare dream of the age on Dal Quor? - Did this constant of mortal suffering lead to the layers of Thelanis being mainly defined by sorrowful and dark stories, for misery is all mortal-kind knew during this age? - Did Feyspires manifest on eberron during that time, and if so, what relationship could the fiends have had with the fey?
Reality-Rewrite by the Daelky: As mentioned in the overview, the daelkyr have, at least once, fully rewritten the entire history of the material world. While I already pointed out that most planes are self-contained and either don't care or mostly don't care about the material, there are some things that are bugging me about the premise of this entire concept. - If the planes are unaffected by the meddling of the daelkyr with the material, does that mean that, for example, the infinite archive of daanvi contains the knowledge of not just the entire history of our prime material plane, but every other prime material plane that has ever existed? And if not, does that mean its archives are being rewritten everytime the prime material changes, thus meaning it is affected indirectly? - The same goes for the vault of memories of dolurrh. Are the stored memories of mortals erased and replaced by those of the dead of the new reality, or does the vault contain the memories of the dead of previous incarnations of the material plane? - Similairly to the parts about thelanis and Dal Quor during the Age of Demons, are the Dream of the Age and the stories of Thelanis rewritten to fit the themes of the newly imposed material reality, or do they stay the same? - On that note, do you think the Daelkyr have to conquer a world first to be able to reshape it with the maze of reality, or can they just do it at any time? If the former is necessary, how is it possible that a single dragon, Vvaraak, had the knowledge of how to (potentially) permanently halt the advancement of the daelkyr and prevent them from rewritting reality as we know it? It seems absurd that no one in the past incarnations of reality had that idea before, especially as Githeberron was described as a far more harmonous and united world (See Sardior https://keith-baker.com/dm-gem-dragons/), with just as powerful and knowledgable dragons. (Note: This point can probably be easily resolved by keeping the incomprehensible and enigmatic plans of the daelkyr in mind, for they may be even want to be bound and knew this would happen.) - Finally for Xoriat, if the planes are unaffected, does that mean that they may have remains of mortals or mortal meddling of past incarnations of the material in some of their layers? For example, the frost giants are living on risia, essentially preserved forever, due to the plane's properties. If that is the case, would the astral plane not be the only plane with remains of past incarnations of eberron, as described in Chronicles of Eberron (Page 114). And if the remains vanish once the material is rewritten, these planes are also indirectly affected by the meddling of the daelkyr
Destruction of Cyra and the moons in general: The destruction of the moon cyra, by the Cul'sir dominion, is a monstrous fact in itself, with immense implications. - If the moons are the anchors of the outer planes to the material, and are an essential part of the material plane itself, what would happen if they are all destroyed? Would the material plane even be able to continue to properly function, or would it only affect manifest zones and have no other effect whatsoever (as it seems to be the case with Dal Quor, and to some extent Xoriat with the Gatekeeper seals). If the later is true, why do the moons exist in the first place? What is their purpose in the fabric of the material plane (Except for being a really cool gameplay and narrative tool for interplanar shenanigans)? - Regarding the former part, do the dragons simply have the power to destroy the moons and cut of all the planes from the material forever? They teached the giants arcane magic, and while the giants likely developed the means to destroy the moon themsevles, the dragons could surely do it as well without many problems. - Another curious fact is mentioned in the Dal Quor section of Exploring Eberron (Page 159), which states that not even planeshift or astral travel can get you to Dal Quor or vice versa. The later is further elaborated on in the astral plane section of chronicles of eberron (Page 115), which states that the color pools (which allow interplanar travel between the planes and the astral plane) of Dal Quor are impossibly black and inaccessable. With these two things in mind, are the moons not evidently much more important to the multiverse as a whole than just for the material plane? Without the moons, interplanar travel by any means is impossible, for any plane. To further emathize on my former point with this, do the dragons simply have the power to destroy the fabric of the entire multiverse by blowing up the moons? That would be incredibly wild and almost absurd, and I cannot imagine that the inhabitants of the outer planes would simply not care, if their only means of interplanar travel is destroyed by the seemingly irrelevant mortals. - Finally, this also brings up a wild question regarding my penultimate part about the previous section for the daelkyr: Could one theoretically blow up Lharvion and prevent the daelkyr from ever meddling with the material plane again, and thus preventing them from altering reality? Also, if the effects of the destruction of cyra are present in the timeless astral plane, which contains countless remains of stuff from the previous incarnations of eberron, and even prevent the other planes from reaching Dal Quor, does that mean Cyra has been wiped out from all possible incarnations and alternate timelines of eberron? This hypothesis is probably the wildest one in this whole post!
Finally, I want to ask you all: What theories do you have about the planes and their interconnections? How do they interact in your eberron, if at all? What things transpired between them in your eberron and what wild events occured in your planar systems?
With all that said, I think I finally reached the end of my essay. Thanks to anyone who takes their time to read this post and I am very curious about your opinions and theories. Cheers! ^^

I know this is unnecessarily long, so if you are not in the mood for reading, I understand. But I would greatly appreciate anyone who would take the time to read my story that is probably TMI and badly in need of some editing. I just really need some advice from people whose heads are less cloudy than mine.
My fiancé M/42 and I F41 have been together for about 4 years and have known each other since high school. I knew he was a recovering addict when I got together with him but I fell head over heels in love and didn’t see the relapse on the horizon that would occur shortly after the honeymoon phase and would eventually almost kill me - I took a swipe of some mystery powder and touched it to my tongue (fentanyl) thinking it would help me get through the most stressful day of my life as i was ceaning out his place while I was packing him up for detox. It was a total freak accident, I’m not an addict, never done anything like that in my life, I’m a single mom and a kindergarten teacher, but I loved him so much I just followed him down the rabbit hole and honestly just became so disoriented in this world I (naively) didn’t understand or even realize I had signed up for.
Anyway, He literally saved my life, and said I also saved his, because that day is what motivated him to get and stay clean for good despite being an active heroin addict for the majority of his life.
He worked an incredibly thorough program, and he gained more friends, money, and more overall success in 2 years than I’ve been able to scrounge up in an entire lifetime. And it’s no surprise honestly. He’s a special person. Absolutely brilliant, charismatic, driven, and has a heart of gold.
Within a year of getting sober, he moved me and my daughters into a gorgeous home adjacent to a golf course, bought luxury vehicles for both me and him, convinced me to quit my teaching job which was making me miserable, so I could finally be fully present for my girls, and then put a giant diamond ring on my left hand. He completely spoils us. We went from having nothing to having every tangible thing, we could possibly need.
The stability that he provided for us meant the world to a single mom who was barely making ends meet, but it was always just the icing on the cake for me. He’s my best friend in the world, he makes me laugh so hard my mouth hurts from smiling, he show me that he loves even the parts of myself that I don’t find lovable. I found my soulmate.
His program started slipping after 2 1/2 years (last November). He was already struggling in his role of being a stepfather, and we were fighting a lot about parenting stuff. He has a lot to learn, has little patience, and seems to have very unrealistic expectations of my kids. He wanted Parenting to be this effortless thing, and he just doesn’t get that it’s not. And that kids are not always going to behave themselves and that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with them. so we were fighting a lot.
In December, he started complaining about his chronic back pain again (a real issue for him as he’s had five back surgeries due to a snowboarding accident in his early 20s-this was during that height of Purdue Pharma and what got him hooked on pain meds)
While I know he was legitimately in pain, it was also a red flag because pain was the culprit for his last relapse. He decided to go in for a sixth surgery and was told he would have to wait three months. He found a surgeon who has made a lot of profit off of him over the years (as he’s a PI attorney) and was willing to prescribe him generous amounts of pain pills to get him through the three months of increasing pain that he was experiencing. He spent the next three months in bed, depressed, checking out, taking pills depressed, checking out- as I became increasingly suspicious that his behavior was much too loopy for the amount of medication he was being prescribed. I fell into the role of his nurse, and his babysitter. Making sure he didn’t text to nonsense to clients, making sure he didn’t fall and make his back worse, making sure he wasn’t interacting with the kids, etc
I knew he wasn’t being honest with me, but he just kept gaslighting me. It honestly felt like he was psychologically tormenting me, treating me as though I was totally paranoid, heartless and out of line. I thought after the surgery, it would finally get better. I made a promise that I would be there for him because he had never had anyone there for him for the previous surgeries and it had been a really traumatic experience for him in the past. I really stepped up and tried so hard to his rock. The hospital experience was horrific, mainly because no amount of diloted was relieving him of the pain. None of the nurses understood why he needed so much more than everyone else, but I think his tolerance had just become so high.
After that nightmare was finally over I was really counting on things getting better, as the plan was for him to taper off the meds, live pain-free, and get back to normal. It didn’t go that way. It just kept getting worse and no matter how many times I told him that I didn’t trust him he just had an excuse for an explanation for everything. He is a master manipulator and I listened to him do it to everyone, doctors, the pharmacist he formed a “friendship” with, literally everyone.
On Mother’s Day, it got to a point where he couldn’t hide it anymore. He disappeared for the day, Ended up, passing out at a gas station and was unreachable for hours, when he finally came home, the car was all fucked up and he claims it was someone else’s fault. He went straight to his home office and I didn’t see the rest of the night until I walked in on him smoking crushed up pills. After that, he confessed everything to me, including the time that he told me not to check the mail because he had a special surprise for me to thank me for all the love and support I gave him To help him through his surgery. it turned out he had drug dealers sending him drugs in the mail. Needless to say there was no surprise for me me. Just heartbreak and betrayal. I felt like a fool.
I was still processing this the next day when , after insisting on taking a photo of me in these designer sunglasses he purchased for me out of guilt. I asked him not to take my photo, because I had tears in my eyes, but he insisted. He was napping next to me and I opened his phone to erase the photo. we’ve always had each other’s passwords, and have looked through each others photos before for various reasons, sharing photos, etc. I cannot emphasize enough how much I trust his loyalty to me when it comes to anything other than drugs.
But for some reason, all of my photos, the ones I was taking on my phone were showing up in his feed. I was so confused, so I started scrolling through deleting unflattering double chin pictures of myself when I came across that menu photos organized based on face recognition. One of them was his ex. I remember him telling me he deleted all of his photos of her the first time he told me he loved me.
I opened it and scrolled through hundreds of pictures of their happy life together. The pictures got more and more sexual, one of her with her legs spread, another another of them in the bathtub together, her kissing him while he had his hands around her neck, another screenshot of her naked in the shower with a thumbnail shot of him in the corner obviously jerking off to her on FaceTime. Because I’m a masochist I decided to take it one step further and look in his video folder. I found a There I found a thumbnail shot if a close-up of him penetrating her. I watched it and it just completely crushed whatever was left of me.
I’m normally a really passive person, and I just completely lost my mind. I reacted as though I had caught him cheating on me. I just couldn’t handle the physical evidence of such a close up shot of him being inside another woman. It’s stupid because I know, like me, he has a past. Obviously he’s been with other women. Obviously he’s been attracted to them. But it just scarred my brain, I literally haven’t even been able to eat since because I’ve been so nauseous. I know it’s ridiculous, because this is a reality I was well aware existed, but seeing it with my own eyes… I don’t know what to say. Other than that I need a lobotomy.
He says he erased all of those videos and photos from his phone, and something weird happened where all of his photos from the cloud just re-uploaded when he got a new phone. He’s not a technical person and I actually believe him because, aside from being a complete liar when it comes to drugs, he has always show me the upmost, integrity, love and loyalty. So it’s not that I don’t believe him. I just can’t get that image out of my head.
I can’t tell if this intense emotional reaction I’m having would be the same reaction anyone would have if they saw what I saw, or if I’m combining the feelings of betrayal over the gaslighting and the relapse…, the last four months of feeling completely invisible, hopeless, and like he was choosing drugs over me. My mind is like mush and I seriously can’t differentiate between these two very separate issues. I’m so confused, but that’s what gaslighting does to you. It makes you question your reality.
He said that he’s finally willing to go into detox, so at this point, I have waited this long, it would be silly not to stick around and see if he’s finally going to put an end to this. What’s getting me is that he’s still making excuses, still not seeming very remorseful, and is still so deep in self-pity that he doesn’t seem to have any awareness of how badly I’m hurting because of him. It feels like he just doesn’t care. anyone who’s ever loved an addict knows that feeling well.
I’m in Al-anon, and I’m well aware of all of the things I should be doing, focusing on myself, etc. but I’m just not doing well, and I can’t seem to find my way out of this dark hole. Anyone who has made it this far deserves some sort of a Reddit badge of honor. This was more of an autobiography than a simple question. I just wanna hear some outside input because I don’t trust my own mind right now. I’m willing to take your criticism, just please be kind. I know I’ve made mistakes, I’m just hurting so badly. I can’t seem to sort through this. Thank you so much if you took the time to read all of this and still want to respond. You have no idea how much it means to me.

The title of this post may seem insane to most people, I know. Although it is long, please follow me closely as I explain why Beyoncé is the loser of a beef that she wasn't even included in.
We are currently in a time in the music world where the "top artists" are releasing some of their worst work, their desires are CLEARLY outweighing their passion, and their fandoms' dedication outweighs their actual value. Let's look at a few examples:

1. Kanye West: I don't even think an explanation is necessary here
2. Nicki Minaj - Pink Friday 2 & "Big Foo"t: ...
3. Cardi B - "Enough (Miami)": literally sounds like every Cardi B song ever...

& many others. you know who.
Basically... music is not music right now (the mainstream, top performers). Passion is being replaced with greed, which kinda makes sense given the economy rn, but consumers continuing to be passive & dismissive about this is dangerous for the future of art AND EDUCATION (I'll get to that).
The Kendrick Lamar vs. Drake beef was not just a cool rap moment. The music that came from both sides of this beef, as well as the events that occurred outside of the music, drew a BOLD line between Entertainers/Pop Stars and Artists. It also revealed another important question: when CAN the music be separated from the artist (notice I said "can" instead of "should")?
See, many people throw around the phrase "we SHOULD separate the art from the artist." However... how did separating R. Kelly's art from him go? He had a cult following of people who SAW him and KNEW about him being a predator, but didn't care. This allowed his career to grow and gave him more money & resources to hurt people and simply make black people look a little cuckoo for continuously rallying behind him. WE CANNOT SEPARATE HIM FROM HIS ART. Unless you're cool with jamming to songs about little girls.
Pop Stars, like Drake and Beyoncé, get hella passes for their actions. Kendrick Lamar absolutely broke that wall down regarding Drake. He showed that Drake's "art" is not only flawed, but his tactics are detrimental to an entire culture and to art. I won't go in too much detail just because there are many articles/videos that break their beef down. We heard Kendrick describe his interpretation of Drake's relationship with Atlanta (which I agree with) in "Not Like Us." However... I don't think Kendrick knew he was breaking Beyoncé's wall down as well...
The possibility of separating Beyoncé from her work was thrown in the trash in 2013 with her surprise self-titled album. See, her first 4 solo albums were AMAZING (imo). She did a DAMN good job with those records without tactics that have detrimental consequences SOCIALLY (I'm aware of her theft allegations during this time, but for this post I'm discussing her impact on the world collectively rather than just within the industry). We could enjoy the music without feeling guilty due to her political and business decisions. Thus, we COULD separate the art from the artist. However... she stripped that ability away from us with each album after 4. *let me please note that I believe that pop stars should not dabble in activism, so this next section may slightly sound biased bc of that belief, but I'm doing my best to stay neutral*

1. Beyoncé (2013) - there's not much wrong with this album to me, but I mention it because I believe it's the catalyst. Feminism had a big year in 2013 (https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/dec/16/feminism-minority-voices-2013-inclusion), and feminism was a large theme of the album. Whether this was intentional or not, it had an impact (https://www.elle.com/culture/a35492/beyonce-and-feminism-essay/). I don't believe there were greedy/shady intentions with this album or its promotion, I just think the success of this album could've prompted the choices she and her team made for the following albums.
2. Lemonade (2016) - This is an amazing album sonically and visually. But... the promotion. So, the film she released with the album went through 11 chapters that represented the 11 songs on the album. Oh wait... there's 12 songs on Lemonade. Formation is thrown on at the end. The album is clearly relationship centered, but she released Formation as the single with all the black power imagery during a time where Black Lives Matter was moving heavy (I am black btw). I feel like the racial and social impact of this album is due to our own interpretations and theories about the album's meaning, and I think it was made that way on purpose. I think they had a great 11 song album that could've sold on its own, but Formation was used to stir the pot and I personally feel like using activism for marketing in an album rollout for pop music is unethical. maybe I'll do a separate post on that.
3. Renaissance (2022) - 2020-2022 was a big period for the LGBT community, particularly the trans community. Also, the hype around the show Pose was booming. I love this album. But come on... look into the promotion

If you want a deeper dive on her promotion tactics: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99W79ED4hCE
You see where I'm going here. When you pair this with all of the other mess like the songwriting allegations, her obvious goal of billionaire status, and promoting wealth to us as if it coincides with excellence and it's something we should all be striving for, all while being held up as a LEADER in the black community or even the black art space..... it's a no for me. The music is great but I can't financially support an artist like that.
However... Kendrick Lamar's music connects with me on a different level because it coincides with the human experience. He is honest, authentic, and creative in his work. Artists being themselves is what inspires transformation in me. He doesn't have to use overboard promotional tactics and grift to a specific demographic to take care of himself and his family. And Beyoncé doesn't have to either. Also... Kendrick is competent and knowledgeable about his work. We know the passion behind it because we see it in the lyrics, hear it in his delivery, and feel it when he discusses it. Never any large consumerism tactics behind it... any of that.
Kendrick is sticking out in the industry right now (to me) because he has separated himself from the "greedy pop star," like Drake. It shines a light on the true artistry in Kendrick's work, and the lack of it in Drake's. And when I looked into Drake's mess, I found a bunch of other top stars' mess as well. And that includes Beyoncé.
I call Bey the real loser of the Kendrick vs. Drake beef because I believe she has been held at the top spot for us (black ppl) for a while. She just won an "innovator" award. Her image doesn't coincide with what is on paper and wax for me anymore. She's a hell of a performer... but there's too many questionable elements here. Kendrick has not only proven himself to be the top rapper, but the TOP artist (at least among black artists, but I believe overall).
Yes, the pop stars are "bigger." More fans, more money, more power, crazier fans, more resources, etc. Beyoncé is the most adored; the bigger one. But when it comes to art, which I'm passionate about DEARLY.... it's Kendrick for me. Listen to his albums and tell me different.

Have you ever experienced something that shook you to your very core? Something that makes you remember every single little detail of your surroundings from that moment in time? Even years after? I can remember so vividly the moment I realized something was wrong with me. I was in my junior year of high school sitting in class, just like any other day. I remember the smell of erasers and cheap cologne that permeated off my classmate who sat next to me. I remember the scratchy tag on my t-shirt and how I was resisting taking it off in the middle of class just to cut it off. I remember what my teacher, Mrs. Brown, was talking about; 'the fall of Constantinople'. My mouth felt dry and I kept looking at the clock, counting down the minutes until I had lunch so I could get a soda. The sound of a pen clicking behind me was synchronized with the song that was stuck in my head.
All those things were going through my brain at once. My ADHD mind went a million miles per minute when it all came down to a cashing holt when I felt it at 11:23
I felt what I can only describe as a hand grabbing at the inner lining of my stomach. It didn't necessarily hurt, not at this point. That's not why I got so scared. You see, not only do I have ADHD. I also have OCD that manifests itself in the fear of anything growing or moving inside me. Even if I think about the concept of blood moving in my body or a heart that is beating in my chest, I have to think of something else. I've had full-blown panic attacks because of it. The closest term for this is 'Tokophobia'. That's technically the fear of pregnancy. I'm a guy, so it's not completely accurate but it's really the closest term. I mean, I also do have a huge fear of pregnancy. Not necessarily of me being pregnant, but even though I knew I could never get pregnant, the thought of it still made me feel sick
I bet you can imagine the terror that overcame me as I felt something moving in me. I made an audible groan and grabbed my stomach. My whole class turned to look at me. even my teacher stopped talking to ask if I was okay. I stood up and started to run to the nurses' office without even acknowledging my teacher. My first thought wasn't thinking that something was actually in my body. Even stomach aches and the feeling of gurgling in my stomach made me feel this way before. I didn't have anything on hand to help with a stomach ache, unfortunately. However, the nurse always did.
I sprinted across the school hoping and praying that my stomach wouldn't make that awful feeling again before I got there.
I turned the corner into the nurses' office with my tennis shoes squeaking in the process. I saw the school nurse, Mrs. Kennedy sitting on the couch in her office reading a magazine. She looked up at me with a sweet smile that quickly turned into worry.
"Sam, what is it? How can I help?" She said as she stood up and hurried over to me. Putting her hand over mine which was grabbing my stomach tightly.
"It's…It's my stomach. Something is wrong with it." I mumbled with a red face.
She shuffled her way over to her large medicine cabinet and she motioned for me to sit down.
She asked me questions about my stomach. Asking if it was pain, grumbling, cramps, nausea, etc. As she was asking me what my symptoms were and digging through bottles, The feeling happened again. However, this time was different. It felt like fingers grassing against the inside of my body. I screamed and wrapped my arms around my torso. Mrs. Kenneddy ran over to me to comfort me.
"This seems a lot worse than normal, maybe we should call your parents." She said as she put her hand on my back.
It felt like some days I saw Mrs. Kennedy more than my teachers. Any small ailment would distract me so badly from class that I had to go see her. Sometimes multiple times a day. She knew at this point when something was really wrong.
Within about 30 minutes both my parents were there with us. That may seem fast, but I'm an only child and my parents are very aware of my tendencies. They know I can spiral and like to be around if it happens.
They kept asking me where the pain was. I think they assumed by the way I wasn't responding to their questions the pain must've been really bad. The reality was that I just didn't know how to tell them what was going on.
I got so frustrated after they asked me over and over again that I just yelled at them.
"Something is inside me! Get it out, get it out, get it out!" I lifted my shirt and was ripping at my stomach. Leaving red nail scratches and cuts. My mom and dad ran to either side of me to grab my arms. Mrs. Kennedy had seen me go pretty crazy, but this was the worst I've ever gotten in front of her. My parents however had seen a similar situation before. Not exactly like this, but they didn't skip a beat on trying to help me.
"Sam. Breath, sweety. Just remember everything is in you for a reason. It's keeping you alive. Nothing is going to hurt you." My mom said softly to me. Trying to calm me down with the words my therapist gave her. "Ice cubes, get him ice cubes!" She said to Mrs. Kennedy as I started to hyperventilate.
Mrs. Kennedy grabbed a ziplock bag and started to fill it with ice cubes. My mom went over to her and grabbed an ice cube right out of the bag, opened up my hand, and put the ice cube in it. This worked in the past to distract me, I knew that's what she was doing, and trust me. I wanted it to work too, but this was different. I kept trying to tell myself that it was just a different feeling I hadn't felt before. That it wasn't possible something was physically inside my body. But I couldn't help it.
Everyone in the room could see that this was getting intense. I think they assumed it was just a mental breakdown and that nothing was physically wrong with my body but I didn't care. I just wanted help.
My parents got me into the car with my mom even sitting in the backseat with me. She kept trying to distract me with conversation but my mind was only on that awful feeling in my stomach.
We pulled up to the ER and my mom guided me in while holding both my wrists. It felt like she was walking me on a leash but I didn't fight it. I knew she was just trying to stop me from scratching my stomach.
We walked in and I spoke to the receptionist. All I said was that I had terrible pain in my stomach. I didn't want to sound too crazy. I just needed a doctor to look at whatever was going on.
After giving the receptionist my name and insurance information we went to sit down. I was sitting in between my parents and I could see my mom lean back to try and mouth something to my dad without me seeing. I didn't think much of it. I was way more worried about other things.
My dad then went up to the receptionist. He pointed over to me and she looked a little concerned. I saw her pick up the clipboard that had my information on it and she started writing something else on it. I asked my dad what he did and he just said to not worry and that he wanted to let her know it was urgent.
No more than 10 minutes went by and I felt a terrible moving sensation. I cringed and grabbed my stomach. Immediately followed by not just the feeling of a hand grabbing my insides but also scratching and pinching. I yelled out in pain as the other people in the waiting room looked at me mortified.
A doctor and a couple of nurses came running over to me and helped me up. But I couldn't stand up. I was in too much pain. They put me in a wheelchair and started to head for a room. However, they didn't take me through the normal big ER doors that went to the standard examination rooms, they took me and my parents through a smaller door to the side that had a padlock on it.
We walked through a white hallway that was very quiet. The doctor and nurses showed us to my room and helped me into my bed as I was wiggling and wincing. I had one parent on either side of me. Patiently waited to stop my arms from scratching.
The doctor was trying to ask further questions but he could tell it wasn't going anywhere. I knew that my dad probably told that receptionist about my OCD tendencies and that I needed to go to the psych ward. Not just to the stranded side of the ER.
I couldn't take it anymore and blurted out that something was inside my stomach and it was trying to get out.
The doctor just looked at my parents for a reaction and they gave him a sad nod. It was like they warned him that this could happen. The doctor didn't just think I was crazy, my parents did too. The doctor took a deep breath and came up to me. I knew I was about to hear some kind of dumb speech about how this was just my OCD and everything was going to be okay.
As he came closer to me, I pulled up my shirt and he gasped. Not only was my stomach scratched up like crazy, but we saw movement. It looked like when a pregnant woman can see her baby kicking. But this was so much stronger. It was stretching my skin.
My parents stood up and gasped while the doctor looked frantic and unprepared.
"Shit, shit, shit, shit!" The doctor said as he backed out of the room. "Hang on! We are getting this taken care of, just hang tight."
Just seconds later a nurse came in to give me some painkillers. I started to feel the pain slip away, but something so much worse started to creep in. I heard a voice. Not my own. Not some creepy-sounding creature, but the voice of a normal-sounding man that I'd never heard before. But that wasn't the scary part. The scary part was what he was saying to me.
"Get me out. Get me out. Get me out!"
It started in a normal tone, but slowly became more urgent and rushed. Then demanding.
The voice would coincide with the moment inside me.
It was getting so loud that I was having a hard time hearing the people around me. The doctor came in just a few minutes after I last saw him. He was red and sweaty. Like he'd just run a marathon. He told me they needed to do just a few tests on what was inside me before taking action.
I was trying so hard to pay attention to the words coming out of his mouth but all I could hear was the voice. The voice stopped for just a second and changed what he was saying. Now he started repeating,
"Cut me out, cut me out, cut me out, now!" I now knew this thing didn't just want out but it wanted out now. I begged the doctor to just get it out now but he wouldn't listen. The voice spoke up again.
"This is taking too long. Don't be afraid. Get me out yourself."
I think it could feel me resisting. Without realizing it, I was looking around the room for something. It was like I didn't even have control over my head or eyes anymore. I knew the voice was looking for a knife but I was trying to ignore the feeling. I knew there weren't any knives around. I was in a very safe place.
Just as I had the feeling I was safe, it was immediately taken away. The thought passed through my head that my dad probably had a pocket knife on him. My heart sank. I knew this thing could hear my thoughts. I knew what it would try to do.
The next thing I knew, I was on my feet, leaping for my dad. My body hit his. luckily, he's in pretty good shape for his age and had no problems putting me in my place.
He got on top of me and pinned me to the ground. All while I could barely hear my mom in the background. Yelling at my dad to be careful. My dad knew something was going on and that I just needed to be on the ground until I calmed down.
My body tried to flail but it wasn't successful. The whole time the voice in my head, now yelling and screaming. Not saying any distinguishable words, but just having what felt like a tantrum. What made my dad the most uncomfortable was the kicking feeling coming from my stomach.
After a couple of minutes, the voice calmed down and I felt in charge of my body again. My dad slowly got up and attempted to help me up. At this point with an audience of hospital staff that looked like they were getting ready to take me somewhere for more tests.
Just as I stood up straight, I felt the voice take over and I lost all sense of my own body. I felt like a shell of myself. My dad gave me a soft yet worried smile, and in that instance, I grabbed him and reached into his pocket. My heart sank as I felt his pocket knife. The room started to panic and about 5 people tried to grab it from me. The last thing I remember is plunging the knife into my stomach. I felt a blinding pain and everything went black.
Several hours later I started to wake up. Everything was extremely blurry and fuzzy. I could hear a very faint voice telling me to relax. As the minutes passed by, things started to become a little bit clearer. I looked around and saw I was in a large room with a few other patients. A nurse was going up to all the beds and checking in on them. I tried to sit up a bit to get more comfortable and noticed an incredible sourness in my stomach. I moved my hospital gown out of the way and saw a huge scare. About 6" across. Most of the scare looked very surgical. Like what I'd imagine a c-section surgery would look like. Except where I remembered the knife going in. It looked like a bunch of extra stitches had to be added where it went in. It also looked pretty bruised. I can imagine that a dull 10-year-old knife that was harshly shoved into a body really wouldn't cleanly cut through and leave some damage.
The feeling of shock from looking at my stomach was quickly gone when I realized that meant whatever was in me was now gone. I didn't hear the voice, I didn't feel a hand in my gut anymore, I didn't see that vile kicking anymore. I felt like I could breathe.
I asked the nurse what they found and she looked flush.
"Uh, that's something that you, uh. Your doctor will talk with you once you eat something and can speak clearly." She said as she scurried off looking upset.
Shortly after that, I was wheeled into a recovery room and my parents came to see me.
As they walked in they had a very similar look on their faces as the nurse did. They looked pale and didn't want to look me in the eye. I kept asking them questions about what was going on but they said the doctor needed to discuss it with me and he wanted to make sure I wasn't feeling high from the anesthesia while we had a conversation.
The doctor didn't come and see me for another 10 hours. Which felt strange. And to add to the strangeness, my parents were taking shifts hanging out with me. There was only overlap when they switched and the other parent took over while the other one left the room. I would understand if they weren't both with me for the whole time. I'm not that needy, but they were only both in my room together for about an hour. That was the hour before the doctor came to my room.
Finally, the doctor came in to talk to me. When he walked in, the room was cold and quiet. It was evident he didn't feel the same relief I was feeling.
He seemed awkward. Like he was talking way too long to get over to me. He grabbed a chair and scooted it close to me.
"Listen Sam. I know this last 24 hours has been very challenging. I apologize for not explaining what happened during your surgery sooner, but we all needed time to figure it out, and quite frankly, process what happened. We feel we have enough information to let you in on what is going on." A silence filled the room. It felt like no one was brave enough to break it.
"And?" I said with confusion.
"I think it'll be easier if we just show you."
The doctor along with my parents helped me into a wheelchair and we started to make our way across the hospital to an entirely different section. I couldn't believe all the things running through my head at what we were about to see. It felt like cruel and unusual punishment to leave me in anticipation and not just tell me what I was about to see.
When I went around the corner I couldn't process what I was looking at. I thought they were showing me a large tumor or growth of some kind, but why would a tumor be in a big incubation chamber with tubes connected to IVs and machines coming out of it?
As I got closer, I started to see human fetchers on it. It was mostly just a 6-pound lump of flesh, but I could see a hand sticking out of it. It was small, but what made it creepy was it looked like a fully developed man's hand. Just small. I could see a patch of hair coming out of what I assumed was its head. It had no discernible facial features. Just a few teeth scattered in one section.
As I looked at it with disgust, coming to terms with this thing that was just in my body, I had a realization. I wasn't feeling sick at the thought of something being in my body. Sure, I was grossed out that this particular thing was just in me, but the thought of the bacteria in my body didn't make me want to throw up. I thought about all the blood pumping through my veins and I felt… normal. Not only was the voice and kicking gone. But my OCD was gone too. I didn't have a mental illness. It was just this thing. Trying to find its way out for years.
As I was staring at the creature, the doctor came and put his hand on my shoulder.
"We believe this is your twin brother." I immediately looked up at my parents who looked very disturbed and upset. I let the doctor finish talking. "We believe that you absorbed him in the womb and that he has been living inside you your whole life. This is an extremely rare condition called fetus-in-fetu. It seems he didn't quite have the best opportunity to develop normally. That's why he looks the way he does. Despite his appearance, he has all the organs he needs to survive. Looks like he's missing a lung and his gallbladder. Also a piece of his liver but other than that, it looks like he will live for at least a few years. He won't be able to leave this room due to him needing a feeding tube and a few other things that his body can not do on its own. He needs lots of support just to live. What makes this situation extremely unique is that your twin is still alive despite your body not sustaining him anymore. Even though we have him hooked up to a few IVs and machines, It is unexplainable how he is living while outside of your body."
I was in complete shock. I didn't want to believe it. I asked my mom why she never told me I absorbed my twin in the womb, she said she had no clue. There was never a sign when she was pregnant with me.
He also mentioned that sometimes even in pregnancies women will go their whole pregnancy without even getting a belly. It's called a 'Cryptic pregnancy'. I've always had a bit of a gut but never anything big enough to cause suspicion. I guess in my case I had a fetus-fetu and an experience similar to a cryptic pregnancy. Even though it was in my stomach. At least that was the doctor's best guess. Although, it all sounded like BS to me.
The doctor and my parents kept trying to explain more and more details to me. I don't know why they didn't slow down a little bit for my sake. How could they not tell I wasn't processing any of this?
I noticed something while they were trying to explain things to me. They kept calling it a 'He'.
Now listen. I'm not some kind of asshole that won't respect someone who wants to be called a specific pronoun. I've never been that kind of person. But this is where I draw the line.
Not just that. But this thing had a name. My parents named it and said today was its birthday. While they told me all this information, they didn't look happy about it. It seemed like they were forced to do all this nonsense. And now it was my turn to be convinced. I could tell they were trying to force it.
The doctor told me despite it not having a high probability for a long life that we should still try and give it the love it deserves. Of course, the doctor referred to it as a 'He' but I refused to.
This disgusted me. This thing tried to kill me and ruined my quality of life for so long, and now we are going to treat it like it's some kind of prince? No, absolutely not.
Luckily, it seemed like it would never leave the hospital, but my parents planned on going to visit it daily. Visiting it? Are you kidding me? it has no eyes, no ears, it's probably miserable and has no concept of people even being around it.
I'm refusing to ever see this thing again or acknowledge its existence again.
I could get in trouble for even talking about this. The hospital or anyone involved has signed NDAs to not share any information about this until it officially dies. This is because it's a medical anomaly and the first of its kind. They want to do the proper research on how this all occurred before coming out with a statement. I just have to get this all off my chest. I feel like I'm the crazy one here when I know I'm not. I don't care if I get in trouble.
I am scared that the doctors are trying to force my parents into giving this thing a proper life. I think that's why it took them so long to tell me. I think they scared my parents into keeping it alive and guilting them or even forcing them into being its parent.
I'm all for every life being important and all that stuff, but I have a feeling my parents are terrified of this thing just like I am.
I am convinced they gaslit my parents into believing this thing is my brother. If there wasn't any sign of him while my mom was pregnant with me, could this thing be something else?
This all happened about two years ago. It's still alive and they are still researching it. My parents continue to visit it despite everything. My therapist told me that I'm probably just struggling with jealousy now that I'm not an only child anymore and so much of my parents' attention is on him now, but it's so much bigger than just jealousy.
Since this thing showed up and my OCD is pretty much gone, I've hardly seen my parents. I know I'm not just jealous. There is something more to this. I know it.
Something just feels so off about this whole thing. What is this thing? Where did it come from? And what does it want?

(continuation of part 5)
Post-OG Cloud ruminates on what he could have done to save Aerith. Had he not been so lost in his own mind —distracted by Sephiroth and Jenova, consumed by his need to fulfill the emptiness at the core of his identity—, would he have paid more attention to Aerith’s sadness and anticipated her plan to go to the Forgotten Capital alone? Could she have survived if not for his obsession with what tormented him at the time? Could he have figured it out and kept her by his side? He’s angry with himself in retrospect, drowning in guilt, just like in Advent Children.
Here are the choruses, which usually contain the thesis main message of a song:

“Shine bright once more
Guide me to you
Smile bright once more
This time I will never let you go”

&

“Hear me once more
Show me your smile
This time for sure
I'll see the truth hidden inside your tears
But I, I know
That you're long gone
But I, I will
Go on, howling and hollow”

In these choruses, Cloud asserts that he will get it right this time (“this time” referring to the second chance that is the Remake trilogy). He will make sure he saves Aerith and never lets her go. He knows she’s gone, but he will fight against time to get her back. He longs for her smile and her light again, and he cannot bear the guilt: so he doesn’t. Post-OG Cloud embarks on a new adventure: ”I want to go to a place where everything is new,” said Cloud to Wol and Echo in Eclipse Contact before facing his past and being launched into Remake. “Hollow” makes far more sense now, doesn’t it? It’s a song not only about Cloud’s loss, but also about his determination to save Aerith this time. Given that it’s the theme song of Remake, the fact that “Hollow” fits with our theory perfectly is a very good sign: a theme song is meant to reflect the main plot of a story, indicating as our theory states that Remake is principally, albeit secretly, about Cloud saving Aerith. Because of this hope being set up, I’m confident that they will be together in the end, reunited for good. My dear Clerith friends, this is the hidden purpose of the Remake trilogy. Cloud and Aerith will be reunited.
VI. e) ii. “No Promises to Keep” Lyrics
This is quite obvious. Aerith is resigned to her fate, but still harbors hope that she will meet Cloud again in a permanent reunion:

“Till the day that we meet again
Where or when?
I wish I could say
But believe, know that you'll find me
[…]
Till the day that we meet again
On our street, I want to believe
[…]
Till the day that we meet again
At our place, just let me believe
In the chance that you'll come
Take my hand and never let me go
Take my hand
And believe
We can be
Together evermore
[…]
Still I hope someday you'll come and find me
Still I know someday you'll come and find me”.

VI. f) The Theme of Reunion Explained?
The last point I want to hit on is the concept of reunion. In OG, this theme was pretty much dominated by the Jenova Reunion. To an OG fan back in 1997, “reunion” meant “Sephiroth and Jenova’s evil plan”. However, in the Remake trilogy, the theme is expanded into something more. The first time Cloud meets Aerith in Remake, she gives him a flower and tells him something she didn’t in OG:

“Lovers used to give these when they were reunited...”

In addition, we’ve already talked about how part 5 of “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” from the Remake OST tells the story of Cloud and Aerith’s reunion (see section “V. b) ii. 2)”).
Many moments exclusive to the Remake trilogy serve the same purpose: linking the theme of reunion to Aerith. This expansion of the theme is highly significant. Our theory is that the Remake trilogy exists to reunite Cloud and Aerith, so the fact that the trilogy would implement so many Clerith-centric references to reunion is great support for our theory.
VI. g) i. The Leslie-Cloud Parallel
Let’s consider another instance involving the reunion flower in Remake, more precisely, the chapter 14 subplot surrounding Leslie’s lost lover. In case you need a refresher, Leslie is one of Corneo’s lackeys, although he secretly plans to betray him. He once had a fiancée and things were looking up until she was selected as one of Corneo’s brides. The day before she disappeared (presumably taken by Corneo), his fiancée broke up with him with no explanation. It was confusing and left Leslie perplex. As she broke up with him, she returned a necklace to him, one with a flower pendant. Of course, that flower is the very same reunion flower Aerith gives Cloud in chapter 2.
Evidently, Leslie and Cloud are going through parallel situations. At this point in time, Aerith was just kidnapped by Shinra, and Cloud is on his way to get her back. Both their loved ones have been taken by tyrant rulers, one being slumlord Corneo and the other being the Shinra government. In fact, even Leslie and Cloud’s attitudes share similar disillusioned, cold and stoic qualities. Leslie’s fiancée would evidently be paralleled by Aerith.
The most obvious proof of the Leslie-Cloud parallel is written plainly on the list of Remake’s chapter 14 main scenario objectives. Objective 7, called “For the Reunion”, consists of receiving the grappling guns needed to reach topside and save Aerith. The description of the objective reads as follows:

“Leslie gives them grappling guns, and they wish each other luck in reuniting with their respective loved ones. Leslie walks off, and the three prepare to climb the wall.”

The grappling guns are “For the Reunion”, because evidently, the loved one Cloud wants to reunite with is Aerith.
All this is simple and apparent enough. Just the fact that the theme of reunion is linked to Clerith in this way is proof enough, but there’s another layer to the Leslie-Cloud parallel. Not only does Leslie’s situation reinforce the concept of a Clerith reunion, it also mirrors the specifics of our theory: namely that Cloud will save Aerith from specifically Sephiroth (represented in Leslie’s scenario by Corneo) and that Cloud will take the initiative to accomplish this reunion. These two specific aspects of our theory are reflected by Leslie’s circumstances, meaning the Leslie-Cloud parallel not only pushes the theme of reunion, but also supports our specific theory.
VI. g) i. 1) The Separators: Corneo and Sephiroth
I’ll first prove that Leslie’s scenario is not meant to echo Cloud’s separation from Aerith at the hands of Shinra —or at least not exclusively—, but rather Cloud’s separation from Aerith at the hands of Sephiroth. Corneo would therefore be paralleled by Sephiroth rather than the tyrannical Shinra government.
The first piece of proof for the Corneo-Seohiroth parallel lies within the way in which Leslie’s fiancée broke things off: by lying. Aerith also lies to Cloud to create distance between them, but not pertaining to her kidnapping— rather, pertaining to her fated death. Since Sephiroth is Aerith’s killer and not Shinra, Corneo’s role in the Leslie-Cloud parallel is analogous to Sephiroth’s rather than Shinra’s.
There are two pieces of evidence that the Corneo-Sephiroth comparison makes more sense than the Corneo-Shinra one. The first lies in the fact that Leslie’s breakup resembles Cloud’s resolution scene: the topic of Cloud’s resolution scene is Aerith’s fate at the hands of Sephiroth rather than her kidnapping by Shinra, meaning Corneo and Sephiroth are the antagonists of both heartbreaks.
Let’s examine Leslie’s breakup. Here is how his fiancée broke things off, taken from the English script of Remake’s chapter 14, with tone indicators added by me in bold:

“Fiancée: It was all just a dream, wasn't it[?]
Fiancée: (Hopefully) But one day…
(She trails off, then shakes her head and stops herself.)
Fiancée: (Sadly, hopelessly) — no. Time to wake up. And forget.
(She walks away.)”

Now, here is a more literal translation of this quote from the original Japanese (verified by me via DeepL), with tone indicators added by me in bold:

“Fiancée: It was only just a dream we had / We were only dreaming...
Fiancée: (Hopefully, as though as a hail Mary) In the language of the flowers...
(She trails off, then shakes her head and stops herself.)
Fiancée: (Sadly, hopelessly) — no. You should forget about me.
(She walks away.)”

Leslie’s fiancée is clearly breaking up with him to spare him the pain of blaming himself for not being able to protect her from Corneo, as she knows it’s too late for her to escape from the slumlord’s clutches. We know this because we understand that the pendant she gave back to him symbolizes a reunion (especially between lovers, as Aerith told Cloud in chapter 2). In fact, the Japanese version of the script reveals that the fiancée was about to reveal the meaning of the flower, perhaps in the hopes that they would find each other once more, but she lost her nerve at the last second. Notice that she tells Leslie two specific things. One: their love or their future together was only a dream, meaning that it wasn’t real. Two: he should forget about her, because the dream is over now and it’s time to wake up from it.
If you’re finding this familiar, then you might be ahead of me. Let’s take a look at what Aerith says to Cloud in his resolution scene, also in the English script of Remake’s chapter 14, with tone indicators added by me in bold:

“Aerith: […] you can’t fall in love with me. [It]’s not real […]. (With a sigh, as though from sadness or difficulty, but resolutely) It’s almost morning. Time to go.”

Now, here is a more literal translation of this quote from the original Japanese (verified by me via DeepL), with tone indicators added by me in bold:

“Aerith: You can’t let yourself fall in love with me. [It]’s only your imagination […]. (With a sigh, as though from sadness or difficulty, but resolutely) Looks like it’s already morning. Time for me to go.”

Just like Leslie’s fiancée, Aerith is rejecting or denying Cloud’s love for her in order to spare him from the pain of not having been able to be with her before her death, as she believes it is inevitable. Just like the fiancée, Aerith also tells Cloud two things. One: their love is imaginary or isn’t real. Two: it’s morning, and she has to go (she says this right before Cloud wakes from the pseudo-dream).
In both cases, the women know something about their fate that the men don’t and are hiding this impending tragedy from them. Just like Leslie’s fiancée, Aerith uses well-intentioned deception to protect her loved one from the pain that will come from her fate— the lie, of course, is that their love isn’t real. Both women are hopeless, and both men are initially clueless. Aerith’s resolution can’t be about her kidnapping, because Aerith thinks her rescue is anything but hopeless— she’s sure Cloud will come save her from Shinra. She says so herself in OG’s disk 1, chapter 8:

“Cloud: Aeris!? You safe?
Aeris: Yeah, I'm all right. I knew that [you] would come for me.”

What Aerith is so resigned about in Cloud’s resolution scene isn’t her kidnapping, but instead her fated death at the hands of Sephiroth. Nojima hints at this in FFVII Remake Ultimania:

“If you know Aerith’s fate, then this line would really pull at your heart strings […]” (section 08 “Secrets”, “Development Staff Interviews, Part 2: Tetsuya Nomura, Yoshinori Kitase, Yoshinori Kitase, Kazushige Nojima”, page 744).

Here is what codirector Toriyama had to say on Aerith’s words:

“[While] these words are intended for Cloud, I think Aerith is partly speaking them to herself. The contents of her request may be at odds with how she truly feels inside” (FFVII Remake Material Ultimania Plus, VA Script Notes, “A Dream Shown by Aerith”, “Scenario Staff Q&A - Answered by Motomu Toriyama”).

These two quotes by the devs show that Aerith is trying to protect Cloud from her death. Therefore, the Corneo-Sephiroth parallel is far more apt than the Corneo-Shinra parallel.
The second piece of evidence supporting my belief that Corneo mirrors Sephiroth and not Shinra in the Leslie-Cloud parallel is the inclusion of the theme of revenge that crops up in the following piece of dialogue:

“Tifa: Why did you wanna come down here?
Leslie: Revenge. I know I need to let go, but I can't. I need closure, 'cause without it... I'll never be able to move on” (Remake, chapter 14).

Leslie’s sentiment toward Corneo resembles Cloud’s feelings toward Sephiroth after Aerith’s death. Revenge links Cloud to Sephiroth, not to Shinra. Corneo and Sephiroth reflect each other in that, as a consequence of their actions toward a woman, the man who loves her desires revenge.
Additionally, it looks like Leslie’s obsession with revenge as a means to closure is the reason he didn’t bother trying to understand the message his fiancée left him with: he’s focused on his hate rather than his love, and it’s hindering him. He doesn’t succeed in killing Corneo either: his focus and energy are misplaced. Cloud’s desire for vengeance against Sephiroth is also depicted as an obstacle to accomplishing his goals (see how in section “III. c)” of my previous literary analysis). Once more, the Corneo-Sephiroth parallel fits far better than a Corneo-Shinra perspective.
VI. g) i. 2) The Reunion Seekers: Leslie and Cloud
The other aspect of the Leslie-Cloud parallel that supports our theory is that in both scenarios, they both take charge of the situation and decide to actively seek reunion with their respective lovers. The following dialogue excerpt, supplemented by the VA script notes, shows Leslie’s initiative:

“Tifa: [Your fiancée] could still be out there.
Barret: Can never be sure how much someone means to ya till they're gone. Don't give up on her yet.
Leslie: (Looks at the flower pendant, [recalling his lover’s words) A message in the language of flowers… I wonder what she meant by it.
[…]
Tifa: Reunion.
Leslie: Huh?
Tifa: In the language of flowers, it means ‘reunion.’
(Leslie shifts his gaze from Tifa to the pendant and stares at it for some time. At last he understands the words his lover left him. With that, as if his mind has been made up, he clutches the pendant and hangs it around his neck.)
Leslie: Then I guess I’ll just have to find her first” (FFVII Remake Material Ultimania Plus, VA Script Notes, “Other Notable Stage Directions - Chapters 14-16”).

Take note of Leslie’s final response and the determination with which he speaks: “Then I guess I’ll just have to find her first”. Remember that we’re searching for evidence that Cloud is going to be the one reaching out to Aerith in the Remake trilogy, and that it’s his turn to take his future into his hands. He must be more attentive, more active this time. And Leslie’s words of determination reflect this perfectly. Leslie must find his fiancée first, just like Cloud has to be the one to offer his hand to Aerith in the Remake trilogy and fight for her. This is exactly what our theory is all about.
VI. g) i. 3) Delayed Realizations
Interestingly, not only does Leslie’s determination mirror Cloud’s, but both men are depicted as realizing the truth too late. Just like Leslie only began searching for his fiancée six months after her disappearance, Cloud only realizes he loves Aerith in OG once she’s died. It took him this long to actually get somewhere in his mission to reunite with her— “somewhere” being the Remake trilogy.
Even Barret’s words highlight the lovers’ delay: “Can never be sure how much someone means to ya till they're gone”. Barret would know: he lost his wife Myrna, whom he loved dearly. The devs have Barret comment on the situation as a man whose lover died, mirroring Cloud’s situation in OG. Just as Barret says, Cloud only truly realized the strength of how he felt for Aerith in OG once she was gone. The gunman’s words apply to both Leslie and Cloud’s tardy initiatives. Regardless of this delay, both men are now determined to see their respective reunions through.
The degree to which the Leslie-Cloud parallel fits our theory is a great sign of its validity: even the details are lining up!
VI. g) ii. Reunion in the Theme Songs
Too easy: in our analysis of the lyrics of the theme songs, we covered how both texts include the theme of reunion. “No Promises to Keep” is especially relevant (see section “VI. e) ii.”), as the entire song is Aerith hoping against fate for a reunion with Cloud (even if you believe the song is about all her companions, that still includes Cloud).
On top of these reunion-themed lyrics, during Aerith’s in-game performance of “No Promises to Keep” at the Gold Saucer production of Loveless, her yellow blossoms signifying reunion bloom all around her as Cloud watches her, captivated.
Another great sign for our theory: the highly significant theme songs are on our side!
VI. g) iii. Waking Up Reunited
The thing I want to juxtapose to our theory is a small yet special moment in chapter 2 of Rebirth that stuck out to me like a sore thumb and got me really excited about sharing it with you. This moment occurs after the battle against the Midgardsormr. We’ll be comparing it to two other clips, describing all three in chronological order, and making deductions based on their similarities.
The first clip I want to address occurs in chapter 8 of Remake (1:32-2:12). There are a couple of things I want to point out in this scene. First, Aerith wakes Cloud from unconsciousness with a cute call of “Hello~?”. Second, despite pretending that he doesn’t, he immediately recognizes her. The VA script notes prove it:

“Aerith: Nice to meet you again.
Cloud actually remembers Aerith, but he pretends not to, perhaps wishing to make himself look cool.
Cloud: Again, huh?
Aerith: What? You don’t remember? How about…the flowers?
Cloud looks at the flowers at his feet and pretends as if he’s only just remembered.
Cloud: Oh, the flower seller” (FFVII Remake Material Ultimania Plus, VA script notes, “Reuniting with Aerith”).

So: she wakes him with a cute call, and he recognizes her. Also note that these two elements also apply to the OG church reunion scene.
Now onto the Rebirth chapter 2 scene that stuck out to me. After Cloud is saved from the Midgardsormr by Sephiroth, Cloud wakes from an unconsciousness spell with Aerith calling for him (7:20-7:34).
Once more, Aerith wakes him with a cute call (this time, it’s “Wakey, wakey!”), and Cloud recognizes her. In this Midgardsormr clip, unlike their reunion in the church, Cloud verbalizes that he remembers her. This time, there’s more: next, Aerith tells Cloud “おかえり, クラウド”, or “okaeri, Cloud”, which translates to “welcome back, Cloud”. “Okaeri” is what you say in Japanese when someone has returned home. In the third clip we will analyze, Aerith says “okaeri” to Cloud once more. But first, let’s break down this second clip.
I don’t know about you, but this cutscene felt extremely weird to me when I first encountered it. That is, it would have been, if not for the theory I’d begun formulating at that time.
You see, the devs could have chosen for Aerith to ask Cloud if he remembers his own name or where they are, if he’s okay, or check if he responds to his own name. In fact, asking someone who’s been hit on the head to say their own name is a much more common reaction to them finally waking up than asking them if they remember you. Even stranger is Cloud’s reaction: he could have answered “Yeah, you’re Aerith,” or “I remember everything, I’m fine”. Instead, he says her name with this airy and wonderstruck tone. He sounds like he’s opening his eyes to something mystic rather than his comrade leaning over him, like he’s seeing someone unexpectedly for the first time in a while… or rather like he’s waking from a trance of some kind— a trance in which he did not remember Aerith, and now he does. You may see where I’m going with this.
Let’s examine the third clip, wherein Aerith tells Cloud “okaeri” again. More specifically, in chapter 14, Aerith welcomes Cloud back when he snaps out of his zombified, Sephiroth-controlled state and runs toward her. Of course, it’s the sight of her and his memories of meeting her in chapter 2 of Remake that shake him awake (2:17:43-2:18:02).
For a third time, Aerith wakes Cloud. This time, she’s pulling him out of a trance and back to himself. And for a third time, Cloud remembers her. In fact, it’s remembering her that wakes him up. Cloud calls her name and Aerith says “okaeri” in both the post-Midgardsormr cutscene and this third clip. And in both scenes, not only does Cloud return to himself the way someone returns home (recall that “okaeri” is used to welcome someone back home), but he’s also returning to her, recognizing her as his home.
Now we’ve got three scenes lined up: the church reunion scene (both in OG and Remake), the Midgardsormr scene and the hand-reach scene. All three of these recognition scenes feature Cloud being woken up by Aerith and remembering who she is. The main difference is that, in the scenes among these three that are exclusive to Rebirth, Cloud’s return to Aerith is far more meaningful, as he already knows her name, and knows more about who she is to him. Evidently, in the OG church reunion scene, Cloud only remembers being sold a flower by this girl. In the Remake version, he remembers the same thing, plus the attack of the whispers. So there’s something much more weighty about the Rebirth recognition scenes: he remembers more, and he remembers deeper. These aren’t just recognition scenes, they’re also mini-reunions. Of course, as we’ve already analyzed pertaining to the hand-reaching scene, Cloud remembering Aerith is followed by him being the one to take action and run toward her, eager to save her, because she means the world to him. When you place the Midgardsormr scene between the church reunion scene and the hand-reach scene, an evolution of Cloud waking up and remembering Aerith is formed. Each mini-reunion scene adds a piece to the story: the church scene informs us that Cloud and Aerith are meeting again, the Midgardsormr scene tips us off that something mystic is going on from Cloud’s tone when he says Aerith’s name, and the hand reach scene tells us that as a consequence of remembering who Aerith is, Cloud saves her from falling to her death and saving her. “Meeting again”, “mystic”, and “saving Aerith”: these are the keywords of the mini-reunion scenes. They are also the keywords of our theory on Cloud’s mission to save Aerith. This time around Cloud knows more and is more conscious about how he feels for Aerith, just like he feels more when in the hand-reach scene in Rebirth compared to the church reunion scene in Remake. From the latter scene to the former, Cloud gradually wakes up and remembers his love for and loss of Aerith in the OG more and more. Each mini-reunion brings him closer to saving her when he blocks the masamune. This is why I am certain that in part 3, whether Cloud comes to his full senses or not, whether he remembers the events of OG or not, he will save Aerith this time. The Remake trilogy is centered around Aerith, after all. In fact, don’t take it from me, take it from Nojima:

“Aerith's the most important character in the remake so we paid special attention to her lines” (FFVII Remake Ultimania, section 08 “Secrets”, “Development Staff Interviews, Part 2: Tetsuya Nomura, Yoshinori Kitase, Kazushige Nojima”, page 744).

I have full confidence in this fact: one way or another, these two will have a happy ending. This is Cloud’s second chance, and as he swore in “Hollow”, he is not losing her again. That is why I don’t think you should fret, and that our Clerith hearts will be very happy to see these two together again for good in part 3.
VI. h) Zooming In
In fact, this zooming-in method of directing players’ attention to important narrative beats is far from new.
VI. h) i. Changing Fate
Let’s divert our attention to Nanaki’s Skywheel date (2:28-3:30). The dialogue goes like this: Nanaki brings us the Whispers and suggests the party might eventually forget about their existence, and Cloud says that frankly, if it’s impossible for them to change fate either way, then it would be better for them to forget to Whispers altogether.
This is a very clear message from the devs: “There would be no point in including the Whispers in the Remaketrilogy if we did not make use of their defeat”. They’re telling us through Cloud’s dialogue that they know it would be foul play and bad writing to introduce the theme of defying fate if it didn’t eventually pay off.
As if it weren’t clear enough what the devs are referring to, Nanaki brings up Aerith’s death directly after Cloud delivers the devs’ message to us. He actually makes Cloud promise to save her. This is pretty on the nose. By promising Nanaki he will protect Aerith, the devs are promising us the same. I’m certain that part 3 will deliver on this promise.
If you still aren’t sold, I’d like to direct your attention to the framing of the shot where Cloud says “If we can’t change [fate]” (2:49-2:51). There’s a zoom-in on his mouth, which is a visual cue that translates to “what this character is saying right now is important to the plot”. It’s very indiscreet in theory: the camera literally hones in on the invisible words as though the script has them highlighted, italicized triple-underlined and in bold.
VI. h) ii. Aerith’s Knowledge
We’ve seen the Remake trilogy use this camera framing at least twice so far. The first time occurs in Remake’s chapter 8, before it becomes clear that Aerith knows things from the OG game that she wouldn’t normally know if this were just a remastered version of the same 1997 plot. I’ll let Remake Ultimania‘s description of this moment speak for itself:

“When Cloud and Aerith return the rescued children to Oates, the man in the tattered black cloak shows up again at the hideout. The moment the man grasps Cloud’s arm, he’s overcome by another violent headache and sees a vision of Sephiroth. Cloud wonders if this man who supposedly died five years ago could possibly still be alive. When he says as much to Aerith, she gives him a vague reply” (FFVII Remake Ultimania, section 04: “Scenario”, “Chapter 8 Main Story Digest”, page 256).

Aerith’s “vague reply” is accentuated by a very deliberate zoom-in on her mouth (1:18:05-1:18:09), and therefore her words.
The framing of this shot indicates to us that what Aerith says provides an important hint as to the plot’s direction. Sure enough, with hindsight, it’s easy to see that’s true.
VI. h) iii. Tifa’s Question
Another time this framing is used is in chapter 1 of Rebirth, after Cloud recounts the Nibelheim incident. Tifa asks the group why Sephiroth is choosing to come back now, after five years (37:55-37:58).
Once more, we are being signaled that the reason Sephiroth chose to return at the moment he did is significant to the plot, but cannot be revealed explicitly yet. The reason why Sephiroth took five years to return is because that’s how long it took for Cloud to get back on his feet after the Nibelheim incident: Sephiroth wants and/or needs to manipulate Cloud in particular rather than all the other people with Jenova cells in them. It took five years for Cloud to not only go through Hojo’s experiments but also escape Shinra and make his way to Seventh Heaven, where Tifa nursed him back to health— therefore, it took five years until Sephiroth’s favorite pawn was available to be used. There are a few reasons why Cloud is the one Sephiroth wants to use, and all of them would be spoilers at this point in Rebirth to players who don’t know the OG plot. The devs can’t reveal any of them yet, but they do indicate via a close-up shot of Tifa’s mouth that her question is important.
VI. h) iv. The Takeaway
As you can see, this framing of characters’ mouths when they speak signals a plot-significant piece of dialogue. This means Cloud’s words on his gondola date with Nanaki can’t be brushed off as a red herring or an unimportant or throwaway line: it has narrative weight.

VII. The Devs

I think it’s important to remember the devs and their commitment to the world of FFVII. They know best for this story, and they’ve proven it to be true many times over. There are many things about the devs’ intentions that the fandom don’t seem to know that I think would give you confidence to find out.
VII. a) Shifting Themes
Good storytellers don’t introduce themes as a way to pull the rug from under audiences’ feet by later rendering them completely irrelevant to the plot.
In other words, the devs would not have introduced the notion of fate as an antagonistic force in Remake, nor allowed the players to defeat it in chapter 18, had they planned for these themes not to pay off at all. Think of how good FFVII OG and FF stories in general are, how strong the writing is from a narrative point of view. Nothing is included for no reason or for a cheap reaction— especially not a central theme of a story. Fate and defeating it is a huge point of Remake, and not for no reason.
I mean, think about a storyline all about defying fate ending with a shrug and a “Oh well, we tried.” It would be ridiculous! The devs are better than that.
VII. b) What the Devs Want
The devs are well aware that fans of FFVII have been begging for Aerith’s resurrection since 1997. All those petitions, all those myths of a revival hack… SE knows about them all too well. They were even referenced by FF’s 30th anniversary expo, which partly promoted Remake:

“No one expected [Aerith’s death] in the middle of the story. Rumors of a secret way to revive Aerith spread, and it was clear players were having a hard time saying goodbye to her too. Even now, twenty years later, it still feels like a shocking turn of events” (Final Fantasy 30th Anniversary Exposition Pamphlet, page 36).

Hamaguchi, codirector of the Remake project, commented on these rumors:

“Interviewer: Do you have a favorite fake rumor about the original FFVII?

Hamaguchi: I hear a lot about Aerith coming back to life and that's something that's very interesting to hear” (Hamaguchi interview: “129 Rapid-Fire Questions Answered About Final Fantasy VII Rebirth”, by Game Informer).

The devs are also aware of how beloved Clerith is to the FFVII fandom, especially in Japan— in fact, the only FFVII ship name that is an official iOS search term on the Japanese Apple Store is Clerith’s (“クラエア” or “kuraea” in Japanese). Aerith herself is a widely beloved character, particularly, once more, in Japan. For instance, Famitsu and NHK’s recent polls on the best FF heroine and on the best FF character in general both resulted in Aerith ranking number 3, beaten only in the latter poll by Cloud at number 1 and FFX’s Yuna at number 2.
The devs know how well-loved both Clerith and Aerith are. And in fact, they love Aerith at least as much as we do:

“Cloud's feelings [of guilt] cannot be resolved by anyone other than Aerith. I tried to convey [that Aerith is saying to Cloud] ‘I'm still here for you’” (FFVII Reunion Files, Nojima’s note on Aerith’s character file, page 58).

&

“When I saw the finished product of [Aerith’s face in] CG, I thought, "Oh, isn’t she so cute?” (FFVII Reunion Files, Nomura’s note on Aerith’s character file, page 58).

&

"The idea of having Aeris die during the story had a great impact on all the dev staff," Toriyama explained, "and personally I decided to dedicate my efforts to depicting Aeris in as appealing a way as possible, so that she would become an irreplaceable character to the player in preparation for that moment" (Toriyama interview “Final Fantasy anniversary interview: Toriyama speaks” by VG247).

The devs care about Aerith, and they’re fully aware we do too.
I think a lot of people have it in their heads that the devs don’t want anything to change from the OG story, but there’s a lot of evidence that says otherwise. Codirector Toriyama spoke on this, stating the following about the production process of Remake:

“[…] there were times the original version became a hindrance. Specifically, staff members with a strong attachment to Final Fantasy VII would often hold themselves back for fear of deviating too much from the original. When we created the original game, we obviously didn’t feel bound in that way. We were passionate about creating a brand new Final Fantasy title, and so we dove in and embraced whatever seemed most interesting to us. We wanted to take that approach this time as well, so we made a special effort to liberate ourselves whenever we held back, remembering that it was okay to do the things we wanted to do” (FFVII Remake Ultimania, section 08 “Secrets”, “Development Staff Interviews, Part 1: Motomu Toriyama, Naoki Hamaguchi, Teruki Endo”, page 737).

Codirector Nomura said the following:

“When I asked Nojima if he’d write the scenario, I was clear about my demands up front. I said, ‘If we're going to remake Final Fantasy VII, I want it to be done like this.’ At that point, I was intent on making something more than just a remake. [Similarly to how] the battle system this time incorporates elements of the original game’s ATB mechanics [while] also been reborn using a real-time approach […], I wanted to make a story that players would feel is fundamentally Final Fantasy VII but also something new” (FFVII Remake Ultimania, section 08 “Secrets”, “Development Staff Interviews, Part 2: Tetsuya Nomura, Yoshinori Kitase, Kazushige Nojima”, page 745).

Clearly, the devs don’t want to be bogged down by the OG, and are making efforts to do things the way they want to rather than the way they were previously done. The newer generation of developers such as codirector Hamaguchi is also involved in these story changes:

“Interviewer: There are also drastically more scenes with Sephiroth than there were in the original game.
Nojima: We weren't planning on having him appear so much at first— the idea was only to hint at his presence. But we changed our approach partway through and became more proactive with having him appear, after which the number of scenes he features in rapidly increased.
Nomura: Hamaguchi [codirector Naoki Hamaguchi] came up to me one day and said in a mysterious tone, ‘I'd like to talk to you about something.’ He asked me about having there be a battle with Sephiroth in Midgar. In the original game, Sephiroth’s true body is located elsewhere, so he didn’t think I'd give in to the idea so easily. I think he even prepared materials to persuade me. But in the end I agreed readily [laughs]” (FFVII Remake Ultimania, section 08 “Secrets”, “Development Staff Interviews, Part 2: Tetsuya Nomura, Yoshinori Kitase, Kazushige Nojima”, page 746).

Kitase, the producer of the Remake trilogy, even says that after working on this project for so long, and after spending almost 30 years on the FFVII project and getting to know the characters, he has realized that:

“The more [he works] on it, the more [he wants] to make all these characters happy. [He wants] to give them a happy ending. The rest of the team’s opinions [obviously] also have to be taken into consideration, so it won't be all happiness and rainbows. But [he] just [wants] to make [the characters of FFVII] happy” (Kitase and Hamaguchi’s interview “Final Fantasy VII Rebirth’s Producer Just Wants 'the Characters to End Up Happy'”, by Vandal, translated by me).

Kitase is indeed only one developer, but he’s the producer of this project: that’s the very top position. He oversees everything and nothing goes without his approval. That counts for something. Of course, Kitase is fair and values the input of all the devs, so of course it won’t be “all happiness and rainbows”— but I sincerely believe there’s a big chance that Cloud and Aerith are heading toward their happy ending. Even if this theory is completely bogus, I want to have faith that the devs would not sacrifice good storytelling for nostalgia and a conservative attitude toward preserving the OG story, as that would be cheap of them, and we have not known them to be cheap. This game truly matters to them, so I think they deserve our faith.
(conclusion in

Part 1

The official story is that I hit my head. According to the lawyer I wasn't lucid enough to be a reliable witness, and honestly, I'm starting to believe that might be the truth. It's certainly easier to accept that everything was all just some nightmare.
But if my mind wasn't playing tricks on me, and those fuck-heads didn’t have anything to do with my friend’s disappearance, then there truly is no explanation for what happened.
My therapist and parents both agree. The best way to preserve my sanity is to chalk it all up to my imagination. But I see understanding in their eyes when I recount the events. They want to believe me, I know it. That alone is enough to fuel my doubt.
—
School had begun that September with mourning. I only knew the guy who passed away by face and name. It had happened a month after his graduation, and two months before his first year at Cornell.
During the intercom-ordered moment of silence, I looked out through the classroom. Some were bored, some cried. Many shifted in their seats and were glancing around, like myself, counting every second till the awkwardness would end.
It ended sooner than we thought when a kid with sports goggles a size too big bouncing on his face slammed the door open, obliviously clarifying his attendance.
I'm embarrassed to say that this kid, Aiden, was the only friend I had made in high school until this point. I have a hard time introducing myself to others, but being friends with a prepubescent outcast wasn't making that any easier.
After middle school, my family moved to the small village we live in now. It was a brainless choice because my Mom had found better work, my Dad wanted to be closer to his aging parents, and I desperately wanted out of my old school.
Aiden was the first kid to introduce himself when I transferred last year. I realized he was the token 'weird kid' way too late to make it into any social circles. I know it sounds like I'm a shit friend, but that's the way our relationship turned out. Sure, we told our parents and teachers we were friends, but in reality, it was more a tolerance than friendship.
After all, we didn't have anyone else.
For once, I was thankful for Aiden's lack of awareness. It gave me something to focus on instead of the depressing silence strangling the room.
After realizing his mistake, he whispered an apology, sat down, and pulled out an insect encyclopedia from his book bag. What a nerd.
I distracted myself by reading the book from over his shoulder, and before I knew it, lights were turned back on and class began in earnest.
—
I was able to learn what had happened by eavesdropping on hallway gossip between my classes.
Eight kids, six seniors and two juniors, had found a cave in a region of forest known as Skeleton Park. With that discovery, they decided to add spelunking to their pre-graduation bucket list.
Skeleton Park is the setting of countless local ghost stories, which made it a hot spot for rebellious teen antics. Kids would do everything there: party, drink, smoke, fuck, and everything in between. They even crawled around in caves apparently.
When I first moved, I was a skeptic with no intent of exploring the woods. But one creepy phenomenon always unnerved me. For some reason, animals completely avoided the area.
I initially dismissed this as fiction, like all the other folk tales, until I started walking my dog, Paddy, along the town's bike trail.
The trail runs parallel to the remains of a stone wall outlining Skeleton Park. The first couple of times I walked along it, I didn't notice anything peculiar. But after my Dad first told me about the rumors, I became aware that the area was unnaturally silent. No birds chirped in the trees, no flies buzzing, and no rustling from rodents or any other animals.
Even more surreal, on several occasions I saw deer stop at the wall and walk along it instead of passing through the area. It was like there was an invisible border they refused to cross.
With this context, I'm sure you can understand the reaction of the locals when eight kids entered, and only seven escaped two days later, traumatized and bruised.
Honestly, I was surprised to not have heard about the event over the summer, closer to when it happened. Even more strange though, was how unwilling Aiden was to talk about the incident.
He was the kind of kid who had a strong opinion about everything. On top of that, he was constantly bringing up horror movies, or Creepypastas he had found online. But when I asked his opinion on this summer's events during recess, he only shrugged. Despite the nonchalant response, the look on his face told me that it bothered him. So I didn’t press, and let the subject go.
At the time I'd guessed that he might've had some connection to the kid that went missing. In a way, he did.
—
After an exhausting day of attempts from teachers to console their students with speeches, candy, and exceptional lenience, I was ready to go home.
I expected to find Aidan at the usual spot by the bike racks, where we met each day to walk home. Instead, there was an audience next to the bikes, forming a ring around two disheveled figures.
The flying fists and shouting could only mean one thing, so I kept my distance. Then I heard Aidan yell center, “Fucker!’ and saw a glimpse of his face spitting from a bloody mouth onto the other fighter.
Even though his back was to me, I could tell Aidan’s opponent was easily 5 inches, and 60 pounds heavier than my friend.
Teachers didn’t arrive to break up the fight before the two were on the ground, Aidan mounted with arms up, desperately trying to block blows.
A whistle was blown, and people began running away as my math teacher desperately tried to pry the football player off of Aidan.
He fought back the grown man and was finally pulled away when two more adults rushed to help. The boy was screaming at Aiden with carnal rage.
"You're a fucking liar! How dare you, I'm going to fucking kill you if I ever see you again!"
Aidan was still screaming too, but backed away willingly.
"I'm telling the truth dumbass! You were trespassing! You should be lucky we didn't press charges!"
Aiden looked bad but waved the teachers off whenever they asked if he was OK. Blood poured from his forehead, mouth, and nose. He had at least one black eye.
The other guy, I learned from the crowd, was one of the two juniors who had gone to the cave. He didn't have as many cuts or bruises but was supporting his weight on one leg and his friend's shoulder. Multiple teachers forced him into a chair while they waited for a nurse to arrive.
While the crowd control was distracted, Aiden sneaked over to me and whispered that we needed to get out of there. A couple of minutes later, the two of us were walking home like nothing had ever happened.
It took me a while before I dared to ask Aiden for the full story. He didn't even let me finish my question, which let me know he was more or less his usual self.
"My family inherited the property everyone calls Skeleton Park. It's not haunted, it's not toxic, it's not the home of a satanic sex cult; it's just a piece of forest that's been in my family for a couple of generations."
He spat a dribble of red onto the sidewalk, and I realized I'd never seen Aiden get violent before. We had our share of bullying this past year, but he would always shrug it off and laugh. He wouldn't even try to fight back. We would just get pushed around a bit, and he'd make a quip afterward about the guys' weight or smell.
"Every summer, my dad and I drive around the perimeter putting up trespassing signs, and every year they get ripped down. We get police calls once a month during the summer that somebody came limping out of there with a broken arm or leg, and they have the balls to demand we do something about it. It's not our fault nobody follows the law around here. It's the fucking woods, and it's our private property. What the hell are we even supposed to do?"
To be honest, I hadn't even considered Skeleton Park could've been private property. Though I believed everything Aiden said, I had never seen any signs along the border wall. Embarrassed from being one of those trespassers, I looked away and stayed silent as Aiden continued.
"The area is just too big. There are too many places to enter, and there's no way to block it all off. Though it's not like that'll stop anybody. I feel bad that somebody died, but I'm also a little bit thankful. Maybe now, people will think twice before messing around out there."
We walked in silence until reaching the junction where we would have to part ways. I was tired and wanted to head home, but I also was worried that Aiden would be jumped by some of the seniors if he was alone. It had happened before, and his earlier brawl could've been seen as a declaration of war.
Instead of voicing these concerns, however, I asked if he wanted to play video games at his house. He was surprised by the request but agreed.
I was on edge with every passing car, and every blind turn, but thankfully we weren’t attacked. After a couple more minutes of walking, we made it to Aiden’s house. His Dad was outside watering the garden. He turned, noticing our approach in the corner of his eye, but his planned greeting died in his mouth when he saw the dried blood coating Aiden’s face.
"Holy Shit! what did you do this time?" he exclaimed, running over to inspect his son’s injuries. "Oh, hey Brian," he added, smiling briefly at me before returning to his analysis.
Mr. Eriks was cool for a dad. Aiden never had a bad thing to say about him, and the way he handled everything that happened in the following months would only increase my admiration for him. He'd raised Aiden by himself, and I would've considered him a second friend if he wasn't 40 years older than me.
After determining the damage wasn't all that bad: a cut on Aidan's forehead and lip producing most of the blood, the three of us went inside.
Aiden went upstairs to take a shower, and his dad privately thanked me for walking him home. It didn’t take long for me to cave, and ask Mr. Eriks about the park.
"Yeah, we do own it," he answered while preparing snacks for Aiden and me. " My wife, Aiden's mom, inherited it before she passed away, and then it was signed over to me. To be honest, I don't know too much about it, and she didn't either. We just used it to go camping there sometimes, back before Aiden was born. Now we go together because it reminds us of her."
"Did you ever run into people up there, when you're camping?"
"Yeah, though not in the fall and winter when we usually go. I have the police's local number on speed dial for when it happens. Usually, it's just teens though. Kids tend to run away as soon as they see an adult with a flashlight. Paranormal or not, they know they're not supposed to be there- You staying with us for dinner Brian?"
At this point, I was too curious about the truth of Skeleton Park to leave, so I nodded and said I just needed to check with my parents.
After a phone call with my mom, some pizza rolls, and a couple of rounds of Fortnite, the afternoon stress had mostly faded away.
Me and Aidan were sitting in his room, scrolling Netflix for a slasher film to watch, when I finally asked what I'd been dying to know the entire afternoon.
"So, why was that guy saying you're a liar?"
Aiden chuckled at the question.
"He refused to believe my family owned the property his friend died on."
"Why did you even say anything? You know that just makes them want to beat you up more, right?"
"I'm tired of everybody using our land like a public park, I'm tired of picking up condoms left by people I go to school with, and I'm tired of keeping quiet about it. I tried explaining it to people in middle school. Our first project in fifth grade was a presentation about something important to us, I did mine about the park. Nobody believed me, and it got me socially exiled for the next four years. "
I ignored the urge to explain that there was probably more to his social exile than a get-to-know-you presentation from four years ago.
"That's fair I guess," I said instead. "You're dad says you go camping there."
"Yeah, on three-day weekends, and sometimes longer on breaks. Mostly in the fall and winter when there are less trespassers."
"You don't find it creepy camping there? Even without the trespassers?"
"You mean because of the silence?" Aiden smiled and looked over at me. "Yeah, the rumor about the animals is true as far as I can tell. Sure. It's kind of weird, but in winter it's kind of beautiful too. After a blizzard, there's nothing to disturb the snow, and it's kinda like the whole forest has gone to sleep. With the snow and no animals, it can get so quiet that you hear your own heart beating."
He looked off past me with a feeling of nostalgia, but all I felt was chills.
"I can take you if you want," Aiden added. "I'll have to ask my dad, but I think it would be fun to have another person camp with us."
"I'll think about it," was my way of declining without saying no.
Aiden just shrugged. "Suit yourself. Offer still stands if you ever change your mind."
Much to my annoyance, we weren’t even able to finish the movie. My Mom called, saying she was outside to pick me up an hour into our viewing of The Blair Witch Project.
I went to bed wondering how anyone could feel safe camping in a place like that. After contemplating taking Aidan up on his offer, I concluded there could be nothing that would make me spend the night there. Ironically, it would be less than a week before I changed my mind.
—
Three days later, I was walking Paddy along our usual route when she stopped and looked up at something beyond the stone wall, into Skeleton Park. She stood like a statue, eyes wide and fixated on some invisible thing.
I tried tugging the leash, pulling out a treat, begging, and making all kinds of sounds, but she just stood there. Paddy was a six-year-old golden retriever who easily weighed as much as I did, so I couldn't do much more than wait for her to move.
Suddenly, she began barking wildly at the air.
I tried approaching, but she growled at me, a sound I had never heard from her before, and I was forced to back away.
Before I could even process what was happening. She leaped over the wall and ran at full speed into the woods. It all happened so quickly that I had no time to tighten my grip on the leash.
She sprinted straight into the woods, and I chased after her, but I didn't make it far without tripping on a root hidden among the leaves. My knee was split open by something as I fell, and it took all my strength, fighting past the shock, to get back up. After recovering, I looked in all directions, but couldn't see Paddy anymore. I could only hear the tossing of leaves and branches in the distance.
Then there was nothing. Not a single sound. I'm not sure why I didn't question the sudden silence back then. It wasn't the gradual fade into silence you would expect from something running away. It was as if somebody had just hit a mute button on everything but the wind through the trees.
I don't know, maybe I'm misremembering the details.
Patty's disappearance doesn't matter anyway. We never found her, and dogs don’t live for twenty years, so at this point, we never will.
After taking a moment to recover from the shock, I limped home crying and told my parents what had happened. My Dad called the police because it was the only thing we could think of, but all they did was apologize and recommend we put up posters.
They couldn't do anything even if they wanted to. After all, she ran onto private property.
After that, the last thing I could think to do was call Aiden. His dad promised they could search the park that night, and he also offered to take me for an extended search the following weekend in case they didn’t find anything.
Of course, they didn't find her, just half of a leash wrapped around a branch. At least, that's what my parents told me the Eriks had found, they never actually let me see it.
A day before the trip, the Forecast started predicting snow: Saturday night into Sunday, eight inches, wet.
I probably should've given up then. Instead, I told Aiden this would probably be my only chance to find Paddy, insisting she wouldn't survive in the snow. After making sure with his dad, we continued with the plan and headed out after school Friday night.
—
While it hurts keeping this story in, reliving the memories is almost as painful. So I'm going to take a break writing for now and continue in a day or two. If anyone has a scientific explanation for why animals were avoiding that area, or for my dog's behavior, please let me know.
Thanks for reading, B
Part 1

I used to volunteer at this horseback riding farm. For context, volunteers were compensated with a free horse ride each time we volunteered (which I have since learned means that we technically qualified as workers in the state that I lived in). There was one day that I was working, and I went into the tack barn and saw a girl laying on the ground, looking rather unwell. She was another of the "volunteers." I asked her what was wrong, and she responded that she had touched an electric fence on accident and passed out. On this particular day, it was bucketing raining. If you've ever touched an electric fence with a wet hand or while it's raining, you know just how badly it hurts. I was premed at the time and thought she may have some sort or heart of neurological condition, so I had her lie down on the ground with her feet propped up on a wastepaper basket and monitored her pulse while I texted her mother.
It was at this point that our boss came in, saw her laying on the ground, asked what the hell she was doing, and, upon my explanation of the situation, told her she was faking and to get back to work. I instead walked her to my car so that she could sit down somewhere without the boss yelling at her and called her mother. During this time, she started to get worse and seemed very out of it. Her mother (a nurse) asked me to call her an ambulance. I hung up and did just that.
When the first responders arrived, our boss yelled at them to get off her property, but they refused because the girl in question was a minor. She saw the girl in my car and, realizing I was the one who called 911, told us both to, "leave and never come back." Another of her employees then tried to block EMS from giving the girl medical attention, so the cops were called and took statements. The day ended with two firetrucks, two police cars, one ambulance, one irate woman screaming, and a partridge in a pear tree.
I later found out she had been involved in some very shady business practices and that is most likely the reason she didn't want anyone there. I did what I could to get OSHA and other organizations involved to prevent another accident, or at least ensure that if something did happen, the person would receive medical treatment, but nothing every came of it and the business is still up and running a year later. I checked and saw that other reviews have said people have since been hurt on her farm. So, I left a review telling this story and warning people not to go there, as it could be dangerous. I received a very nasty reply from the boss/owner calling me a Karen and a bunch of other names and basically telling me that the girl and I were lying and had wasted the first responders' time. I feel like a terrible person for not doing more to help and also can't help feeling shaky every time I think about that response, like I also did something terrible by helping, even though I would do the same thing again.
I don't know what else to do, but I can't let this go. Not when she still has so many people, including summer camps for children, on her farm. So, AITA and is there anything else I can do?