Hey all!
I've been lurking here since I uploaded my first video on YT, and I've found some of your threads here useful. So I thought I'd give back with a write up on my monetization journey, which, although not lightning fast, has been medium-fast (two months and two weeks from my first upload).
Who am I?
I'm a fashion photographer, with 10+ years of experience in my main field, and 3+ years of experience in the generative AI field. I started working with generative AI for a project with Vogue Italia right before the main publicly available applications were released to the wider public (Dall-E, MidJourney, Stable Diffusion), and since then my work has been a mix of traditional photography and generative AI. And that's why I became a part-time Tuber.
Finding a niche
While I was implementing gen AI more and more in my fashion photography works, I was struggling to find professionally oriented tutorials on YT. There's a ton of content about gen AI, covering news, tools, and starting out with it, but there was close to no in-depth, real-world use cases focused tutorials. So I though - hey, I'm using it in my own works. I know a ton of fellow professionals who can use it too. I can't be the only one looking for this kind of content. Maybe I should create that content myself.
Now, I don't know what you're interested in, but in order to find a niche, I'd do the same: find something you like and know about, and check if there's some aspects of it which no one covers, and you know you can cover yourself.
From the comments and commission requests I've gotten in two months, I was right. Which leads us to...
Offering value
My content is long and incredibly tedious. Honestly, it's quite boring to the layman. But it's necessary for anyone who wants to learn something applicable in their own field *or* anyone who wants to start using AI tools in their own traditional workflows, so I realized those are my audience.
To those people, I'm offering value, even if the videos are long and boring. But it's the fact that they're long and boring that's giving me an edge. Let me explain how.
Basically, from the first video, I had to choose if:

• I wanted to go straight to the point and show how things were done with the tools I was using, and show real life examples, or;
  
• I wanted to spend the necessary time to explain to anyone, even those who had no skillset in the tools I was using, how things were done.
  

I decided to go with the latter. My videos are complete tutorials, A to Z, made for people who know basically nothing about generative AI, guiding them from knowing nothing to doing exactly what I'm doing, explaining how I set up things and, most importantly, why I do it the way I do it.
Now, I needed a way to not lose the attention of people who already knew how to go from A to G, but not from G to Z, so in the first minute or so I always say something along the lines of "ok, so now I'm going to build all of my workflow from scratch, so if you're not interested in how and why it works this way, you can find the timestamps here and jump ahead to the demonstration segment".
This works, and it's why my watch curve looks like a "U". A good 25-30% of people are interested in the "how it's done", while 35-40% are interested in "what it looks like".
The only negative comment I've ever received on my format, which was something like "dude, you're too slow", was followed by a comment, a month later, by the same user, saying "I get now why you're slow, not everyone's at the same level. Please disregard my previous comment".
Strategy
Overall, I upload weekly, same day, same time, unless:

• I want to stream (unscheduled, spur of the moment short streams, around 2 hours each);
  
• something huge has come out in my niche and needs to be covered as soon as possible.
  

I don't post shorts anymore, since:

• I'm not good at making them;
  
• I don't like making them;
  
• they don't provide value to my core audience.
  

The long term goal is to find new clients for my day job, and to do consulting work on the side, given that my audience perceive me as an expert in my field.
Metrics
Now, I think that the metrics I've seen both here and in the Partnered sub are completely skewed towards niches that are not appliable to me or fellow tutorial YouTubers, or for this sub in particular, are skewed towards creators who don't have large view counts.
20-30% CTR? 50% AVD? These kind of numbers, to me, would mean that I struck gold and I created something that was flying off the shelves like cakes during the French revolution (even if that never happened). Or, most likely, that no one is watching my content expect for my most hardened userbase, *and* YT didn't push the video at all to outside audiences.
My usual metrics, which are a direct result of both my very niche content and the nature of my content (tutorials), are around 8-10% CTR and 12-18% AVD. And the videos with these metrics get pushed, hard, to outside audiences.
I think YT's algorithm kind of understands that my content is not meant to be watched from start to finish, and that my audience is very selective of what it's useful to them. So either it doesn't care about the usual metrics I see thrown around here, or those metrics are inflated.
I also think (but again, sample size=1, me) that YT kind puts each and every one of us into a "box" of sorts, in terms of how much it wants to push our content. At first, my videos had a max impressions of around 10k. Nowadays, it's more in the realm of 50-200k, and it's reflected in the amount of impressions my newest videos get when they're published. The curves all look the same until one video breaks out, and a new standard is expected out of my next videos.
Also, each video is their own thing. If a video's CTR tanks in the first few hours, I can expect it to not reach the same audience that my most successful videos reach in the same amount of time, and that's because...
YouTube wants people to see (your) videos
Well, maybe not *your* videos, and maybe not *all* your videos, but the way YT works is opposite of the way IG works, for example. While IG has no monetary incentives to pushing free content, and has to push paid content in between free content, YouTube makes money out of people seeing free content, because the paid content (ADs) is embedded into the free content (videos).
So if your video is good, YT has no issues pushing it. If your video is not good, too bad, there's another content creator in your niche who has a better video, so let's push their video instead.
By providing value to your viewers, you're providing value to YouTube and their ADs, so either you and YT win, or another content creator and YT win. In the eyes of YT, everybody wins all the time.
Increasing CTR
If you're like me, you know, in your heart of hearts, that a catchy title and a great thumbnail are as important as the content of your video. If you're like me, the thumbnail's the last thing you prepare, and we're both wrong.
Seriously, get good at creating good thumbnails. Since I've started focusing more on thumbnails, my CTR has gotten, if not better in the long run (since all videos default to kind of the same CTR the longer the video has been out for and the wider the audience is), better in the first few hours and days, which increases the audience drastically.
I know this is a boring part of the creative process, but get good at it.
Also, experiment with multiple thumbnails during the first hours when a video has been published. A thumbnail you expected to do well might not be as catchy as you thought. Try 3 or 4 different thumbnails and see what sticks.
Increasing AVD
Now in my case I can't do much about it, since the format I've chosen is kind of non-negotiable and it's what brings value at the expense of AVD, but if you're:

• seeing a sharp decrease in viewers around the 00:30 mark, work on your intros and get straight into the action;
  
• seeing a below 30% retention rate throughout the video, either there was no need for this content, or you're not covering it well enough (or you're not engaging enough);
  
• overall, give the viewers a reason to stay engaged throughout the different sections of the video.
  

Streaming
I discovered streaming way too late, and I wish I did it way earlier. It would have had me monetized at least a couple of weeks sooner.
But in order to do it well, you need:

• a good userbase who wants to extract more infos and values from things you're not covering in your uploads;
  
• the skillset necessary to basically host a mini-show.
  

The latter is the hardest part, and I only know how to do it because I'm used to giving speeches and lessons. But, like all skills, it's not something you're born with, it's something you train and get good at, so if you're into it try it and get better at it over time.
Equipment
I'm lucky enough to have a day job that covers most of the equipment needed. My camera and lenses are the same I'm using for my day job, I already had a mic, my PC is an absolute beast because of the generative AI work I do, so I think I spent like 20 bucks for a mic arm and that's it.
In anyone else's case, though, the most important things to invest in is:

• a good mic, since audio quality is more important than video quality (tons of people have terrible displays, but tons of people like to hear nice audio);
  
• 8 hours in DaVinci Resolve, and I swear you don't even need the full 8 hours, you just need to understand how to trim, cut and paste clips, how to improve your audio, and how to export files;
  
• only then, and maybe, a good enough camera, good lighting (my light is literally an ikea lamp with a 5 bucks white scrim on it, I just know how to make it look good because of my day job), minimum hardware.
  

Final considerations
Some of you may have more trouble with subs, some with watch hours (in my case, I got 2.5k subs before I reached my watch hours goal), some of you may find trouble expressing yourselves in front of the camera, or talking well, or may prefer scripts rather than talking freely while doing things, but all in all:

• do what you're good at;
  
• improve what you're lacking in;
  
• know what's useless to improve.
  

Let me know if you'd like to know more, or if I missed something.
Thanks for reading!

Ethernet has landline 1900s phones two pairs wires reserved in the spec sheet its 8 or so wires when crimping the ends uses like two with one for ground and one seemingly empty and then has two for phone and some unused, with old 10/100 baseT coax with terminating ends exactly like optical or coax 90s cable TV with optical fiber 99% of the way just your block has coax to the rest which uses the 'same'DOCSIS data over cable standards as fibre optic.. just slightly worse latency and bandwidth is calculated by latency things like wifi lan has like 11 channels or 15 channels of frequency which optical calls wavelengths of light. A 2015 or around there linus tech tips video of him going to a swedish lan party called dreamhack had a bunch of multiple redundant 8Terabit or was it bytes of fibre optic internet they explained with light having 7 colors but having 8terabytes of bandwidth with different wavelengths of light called frequencys or a better term for optics is known as LASER ARRAYS of light at fixed frequencys that often plugs into the PC via ethernet cables or whatever for a gamer lan party or home/residential or small businesses at realistically within budget of anything with enough users to require that bandwidth or 'web hosting or web servers' you dont need to be an undersea cable or international link with 200terabits plus for an internet exchange to your main CBD or the fastest like the netherlands IX...
So the problem im trying to solve is, here in australia we got our undersea cables done wrong they kept breaking and we didnt have a navy or defense force securing our countrys communications to prevent war crimes and keep us connected to the global banking systems or whatever.. and then when our biggest telcos cable or fibre all had dialup speeds for around 2 weeks in the early years 2000s to force us to pay other countrys to connect to their links and be ' end of the line' maybe paywalled or proxied off the internet randsomewared to connect to and borrow bandwidth from other countries satellites and other countries undersea link cables which truly were indestructible to any cruise liner ships anchors whatever being flexible giant steel braided cables big as a CAR when australia finally paid to lay small sections of that stuff to link up to others and not pay randsome to internet butt bandits or have private businesses and multi nationals run their own links and ignore the public our lack of a defense force actually let somalian pirates literally somehow pick up and walk off with our expensive undersea car sized cables filled with a few arms thick of hair thin fibre optics which is cheapest clear resin enamels plastics about $3 not sure if USD per kilometer and resembles modern glass/glazing. How does anybody steal that stuff without people noticing like you cant just load it onto a truck and drive away? or a boat? if only satellites and some sort of defense organization existed to prevent us from being impersonated or whatever.. So now in australia ANYTHING with words like gigabit costs a fortune for a mainboard or switch or ethernet hub.. but the ancient 1900s 10/100 telephone land line wires of ethernet 10/100 clock in at a whopping 13 or so mhz sometimes 27.. and 60 or more mhz for like gigabits and whatever it increases shockingly fast with each mhz clock cycle as its units of work over time in nano seconds or zeptoseconds you see billionths of a second nano second RAM and PC with windows realtime kernel actually uses like ryzen hardware negative latency faster than reality freely syncing with any device in the universe and fixed mhz frequency bus can drive like 50 to 100 or thousands of GPU's and HDDs and monitors or whatever from the one modern multicore PC or whatever.. 90s AMD business server still holds world records for most connected devices though it had stackable CPUs opteron and would have used infinity cache type stuff probably software 3dnow and evolving game worlds tech of 80s and 90s AMD gaming evolved advertising.
So in australia anything gigabits costs hundreds of dollars for a switch router some thousands for lots of ports.. but its the shittiest weakest bandwidth ever with mhz and performance miles short of a raspberry pie or whatever. I had to pay a fortune for a mainboard with 10gigabit LAN port and everytime i got a high speed LAN port its been broken or missing so some pricks can sell ebay routers or switches for thousands here.. not knowing why its so expensive is youre paying fortunes for any real bandwidth because australia has to pay literal somalian pirates for their internet connections or privately owned businesses like telstra for access to their private links and glares at countries like new zealand and hawaii for being super technologically superior.. a cheap USB ethernet adaptor costs under 10 bucks on ebay or whatever and is maybe gigabit and your switches and routers 90% of the time you want the cheapest UNMANAGED switch possible. Yet the mainboard i recently purchased ASUS pro art creator x670E i recall had an issue with some asshats trying to steal pathetic measly 40gigabit USB4 chips from all the boards at the computer store to sell on EBay as other junk, when anything in the universe with an M.2 ULTRA slot does 40gigabits since PCI express 3.0/4.0 as PCI express 3.0 SSD drives famously use a specific I/O controller chip which gives them 38gigabits of the ultra M.2 slots 40gigabits of bandwidth. But for a couple years when AMD had pci express 4.0 and better than M.2 ultra intel was playing catch up on PCI express 3.0 and still had regular m.2 in all their boards until AMD was ready for pci express 5.0 my friend on intel bought the same NVME drives and complained they had corruption errors or issues i later learned his board wasnt fast enough and he was maybe trying to use the samsung magician RAM disk and enable NVME features and functions intel maybe did not yet support.
So.. why is USB 4 so many years late and why is it so dang expensive when terabits of ethernet or anything optical is like the cheapest stuff ever and comes with every internet connection since the 90s at the lowest cheapest mhz and 1900s land line wire telephones ever, remember digital isnt a physical thing and everythings literally analog with a sensor or multimeter whatever mathematically translating it to a graph or algebra equation mapping it into different values digitally +10 -10 whatever using microphones or camera sensor whatever. the gigabits tax and uhh LAN port taxes for dumb gay australians being literally see it via satellite outerspace levels dumb and gay astrogaylian should not apply to the cheapest of raspberry pie free 3d print or laser CNC yourself something computery like risc V for the cheapest of USB flash drives or memory cards etc.
I get intel pretends to have invented court ordered USB to probe their hardware after it was proven to have used other peoples code and chips by the chip makers and them selling computers with keyboard and mouse hardwired in so you bought a whole new computer when a key broke on the keyboard couldnt replace them.. and every other device had USB but theirs didnt free open standard and it kinda being the only way to connect any device in the universe and freely sync with it (mics/phones whatever).
why is 1900s phone tech ethernet so dang expensive to go from 20mhz ranges to 80 or whatever mhz ranges or use something very similar to 90s optical audio SPDIF output or anything remotely like a laser in australia? and who would be dumb and gay enough to be so financially retarded as to think that USB 4 was expensive or special as to steal it? am i... missing something?
also before you complain, but ethernets not the same as USB you cant power over ethernet or use your houses electrical wires as ethernet. You also cant use ethernet for monitors or displays, and its not like you can extend HDMI range limit of a about 10 to 15 meters by swapping its ethernet wires with optical ones for it to maintain its HDMI 0 latency spec or type C USB 0 latency spec. USB lets you connect heaps of devices you cant do that with an internet or ethernet for things like keyboard and mice or monitors or whatever. I understand what you mean power over ethernet or PPOE standards suck theres no way those are a thing. using devices over the internet and not the intranet who does that? thats so dumb. remote administration, theres no such thing youre mistaking malware or rootkits im sure. you cant connect a heap of devices up or entire computers to a ethernet port thats the dumbest gayest thing i've ever heard in my entire life! My gaydar is going off and it looks like the wifi symbol.
when trying to use anything ethernet with lame awful bandwidth thats limited, on my AMD board where the website images show AMD ethernet lists as marvel yukon controller i cannot use as its maybe broken there no light on the back, in devices managers advanced tab you can see the send receive or transmit buffer sizes and countless other ethernet settings are MISSING or a blank space. and are limited to 128 on send and 256 on receive up to 4096 or whatever max. But low latency 128 or 256 is maybe best but not all are an option and most networking features on the intel LAN adapters are missing countless advanced ethernet properties and settings because they're fake and lousy and the worst latency ever and they literally seem to swap your windows kernel out with something not realtime so you cannot ever hope to record or playback audio or video or anything close to a video game in hopes of slowly selling it back to you. Linux distros did this too its the dumbest thing ever that to hear or record or playback or play games you must patch in a realtime kernel for free to game like its the 80s and 90s or DOS or whatever. most 90s PCs were CAS 1 or lower nanoseconds. DDR 3 1600mhz depending the maker might be CAS1-4 latency. How can we verify our kernels are correct? and our ethernet and I/O bandwidth is correct? the youtube video about linus tech tips dream hack lan party of gamers in sweden was edited and reuploaded by illiterate asshat buttpirates maybe from somalia or the ones randsoming us some of their internet connections as a proxy piggy back on the international links as we dont have a defense force or army or whatever and dont know what war crimes are or why they are or what the heck a bank is and sure as shit dont know the cost of anything cheap USB or LAN. The dreamhack linus video falsely shows as 6TERABIT. they wanna steal 2TERABITS of EVERY optical or ethernet devices which isnt the government doing it if they wanna see whats in your computer they can document their reasons of why which is what a warrant is they dont need one if they believe a crime is occuring and literally take the computer by law to inspect it then give it back when nothings wrong they leave you a claim ticket and have you document it at the nearest policing station or whatever fill out forms sign 'they are taking my PC and i can get it back when it wasnt used for crimes." when australia doesnt technically have an internet and doesnt technically have RAID arrays which is required to use USB or SSD or NVME or storage tech with no moving parts and multicore a 2TB SSD is twice as fast and often has 2x 1TB wafer chips in there figure it out the IO controller chip supports many and you can buy the cheapest USB sticks with like 16terabytes of storage space i just see a $extend folder or uhh file format header thingy in the partition in my mainboard bios on that particular drive and using any cheap SSD or USB devices makes linux cry about the partition managers cant write or read extending past the storage limit. it doesnt take a genius to figure out what dumb gay fags the whole internet is.
infinitybitdepthinfinitygraphicsinfinitypixelsinfinityresolution.7z ~ pixeldrain

Hey there! My name is Jonathan. I made a post a couple weeks ago that didn't get any attention so I'm giving it a second shot. I'm hoping to find someone I can chat with and get to know with the hope that we could make something special between us.
A quick bio of me: I am a 6 foot tall white guy with blonde hair and hazel eyes. My hair is pretty short and I have a scruffy beard. Oh, and I wear glasses because I am basically blind. I can share a photo if you ask. I have my bachelor's in health sciences and I currently work as a physical therapy technician with the goal to get into a physical therapy assistant program. I work full time so I'm pretty busy, but in my free time I like to play video games, watch TV, and play card games. I also enjoy cooking and trying new recipes. I also like traveling and visiting new places. I like museums, zoos, aquariums, theme parks, and nature parks.
What I'm searching for: someone nice and funny who enjoys life but takes it seriously when they need to. I'd prefer dating someone 21+, but otherwise I don't have age preferences. If you're older than me, that's okay. What matters is the attraction (physical and mental). Speaking of attraction, I don't have any specific features I'm attracted to. I think everyone is beautiful in their own way. I'm also not worried about distance. I'd prefer you be from the United States because that's just easier, but I'm open to dating internationally as well.
If I interest you, send me a chat with a short introduction of yourself and tell me what your favorite show was growing up.

Hey there! My name is Jonathan. I made a post a couple weeks ago that didn't get any attention so I'm giving it a second shot. I'm hoping to find someone I can chat with and get to know with the hope that we could make something special between us.
A quick bio of me: I am a 6 foot tall white guy with blonde hair and hazel eyes. My hair is pretty short and I have a scruffy beard. Oh, and I wear glasses because I am basically blind. I can share a photo if you ask. I have my bachelor's in health sciences and I currently work as a physical therapy technician with the goal to get into a physical therapy assistant program. I work full time so I'm pretty busy, but in my free time I like to play video games, watch TV, and play card games. I also enjoy cooking and trying new recipes. I also like traveling and visiting new places. I like museums, zoos, aquariums, theme parks, and nature parks.
What I'm searching for: someone nice and funny who enjoys life but takes it seriously when they need to. I'd prefer dating someone 21+, but otherwise I don't have age preferences. If you're older than me, that's okay. What matters is the attraction (physical and mental). Speaking of attraction, I don't have any specific features I'm attracted to. I think everyone is beautiful in their own way. I'm also not worried about distance. I'd prefer you be from the United States because that's just easier, but I'm open to dating internationally as well.
If I interest you, send me a chat with a short introduction of yourself and tell me what your favorite show was growing up.

Title says it all, this post is a deep dive into the Sonic Adventure 2 OST, specifically all the songs pertaining to Knuckles. This is for a few reasons that I’ll get into in a moment, but from what I’ve seen Knuckles’ and Rouge’s soundtracks tend to get overlooked or written off by fans (More so Knuckles’) unfairly so in my opinion.
This post will serve, not only to analyze the music itself, but also Knuckles’ characterization, as you’ll see the two are basically intrinsically linked.
Just a quick disclaimer, I’m not a musician nor am I that musically inclined, this isn’t an expert’s opinion or analysis, just a listener’s thoughts.
A bit of background of me before we start, I grew up around hip hop when I was young so I can really appreciate Knuckles’ soundtrack probably more so than a lot of other people.
Ever since I was a kid, Knuckles has always been my favorite character, I always found his complicated friendship and rivalry with Sonic to me a much more interesting dichotomy than Sonic and Shadow (I know, fight me).
That and I’ve always just adored his character (Before they forgot how to write him) he can be hot headed and stubborn like Sonic, but he’s got a bit of a Yin and Yang thing going on, with his Chill nature conflicting with his Quick and Explosive temper, as well as his questioning of his purpose in life and duty to the Master Emerald.
Anyway, enough context on myself, let’s strap in and get to the meat of this veeeeeery long post (My bad guys).

BACKGROUND

So for starters, I think it’s best we talk about the style and influences that are quite evident in Knuckles’ Music, that being Hip Hop/Rap, but it goes a bit further than that.
For some historical context, Sonic Adventure 2 came out in 2001, I’m not sure how many hip hop fans hang around the subreddit but by 2001 the Golden Age of Hip Hop had been firmly left behind. Biggie and Pac had been dead for a while, and the stars of yesteryear began to fizzle out as the young blood cropped up onto the scene.
The early 2000s Hip Hop scene was mainly dominated by the East Coast and the Dirty South, lots of stars of this generation of rap included 50 Cent, Ja Rule, Outkast, Ludacris, The Game, Three 6 Mafia and Xzibit, but you also had older legends like Nas and Snoop Dogg who were still culturally relevant.
This modern sound of hip hop differed greatly in sound to the early 90s, everything was a lot more clean and refined, samples were still used but weren’t as common as before and the West Coast sound that characterized the early 90s had been long gone.
It’s important to bring this up, because comparing SA2’s Hip Hop tracks to the climate it was released in, they sound almost out of place. Listening to Get Rich or Die Trying, or Stillmatic and then listening to SA3’s tracks you’d be convinced they were separated by many years.
The Tracks in SA2 are definitely rooted in early 90s hip hop, it’s very clear that those early Gangsta Rap albums like Straight Outta Compton and Black Sunday greatly influenced this part of the soundtrack. And you don’t have to take my word for it, go and listen to the instrumentals of songs like Express Yourself or Insane in the Brain and tell me that they’d sound out of place playing in one of Knuckles’ Stages.
Early 90s Hip Hop makes heavy use of sampling, primarily of the work of Black Artists of the past two decades, because of SA2K’s early 90s hip hop influences, it too has a lot of roots in 70s/80s Black music. Elements of Soul, Funk and Jazz are commonly heard in Knuckles’ Stages, think James Brown or Isaac Hayes.
So what Groups or Artists seem to inspire SA2K’s sound? Well the obvious choice is NWA, though specifically Straight Outta Compton, Elif4zaggin has a much different sound. However I don’t believe that’s entirely the case.
Whether it’s pure coincidence or intentional, Too Short (stylized as Too $hort) was a decently popular artist from Oakland, which is up in the Bay Area of NorCal which is the main inspiration for most of SA2’s urban environments.
Anyway, Too Short was actually quite a pioneer in Hip Hop as he formed the Dangerous Crew, a Hip Hop Band who played actual instruments instead of using samples, it’s because of this that I believe Too Short and the Dangerous Crew to be the main inspiration of SA2K’s sound whether intentional or not, not only are the two defined by their funky beats, but also their use of live instruments. I recommend listening to songs like The Ghetto, Sample The Funk and Just Another Day to get an idea of how his music influences SA2K.

UNKNOWN FROM M.E. (REMIX)

Honestly I find this track to be an improvement over the original, it definitely leans a lot more into the R&B aspect over the rest of the soundtrack but it’s still distinctly hip hop with the record scratches, drums and Hunnid-P rapping over it.
Speaking of, let’s address the Elephant in the room briefly. I know Hunnid-P or Hunnid-Pacent isn’t everybody’s favorite person on this sub, either on the track or behind the scenes, and while his antics aren’t relevant to this post, I don’t necessarily agree that he’s as bad as people say he is on the mic. Is he the world’s greatest emcee? Absolutely not, but he does his job pretty well, he has good flow and a pretty good voice. I think people clown on his lyrics too much, I’m not saying he’s an Inspectah Deck level lyricist but I think the guy has dropped a few bombs and this OST has some gems, but we’ll get into this in a bit.
Getting back to the song, the content of the lyrics is basically Knuckles’ inner voice, this is basically the entire soundtrack, though Unknown From M.E. is more of a general character overview of Knuckles, its standard stuff now but at the time it was a pretty deep dive into the character of Knuckles’ in a decently subtle way.
Most of the song centers around Knuckles’ self imposed isolation on Angel Island, his duty to his people and the world to protect the Master Emerald, but also him yearning for something more and the inner conflict that stems from that.
This song actually has some underrated lines, some standout lyrics include:
“Clench my fists tight, become more redder - I don't wanna hurt her, my passion observed”
The last line is in obvious reference to Rouge and an interesting insight into Knuckles himself. He clearly doesn’t like violence and isn’t interested in hurting anybody, but his duty as a guardian and his quick temper often means he can get a bit too carried away as the line implies, good stuff.
“Been lonely all my life, does it matter? - Here for the mission, whoever want, it bring it”
Here we can clearly see Knuckles trying to reason with himself here, specifically after meeting Sonic and experiencing a life that isn’t just his duty. Here we see the Guardian side of him, he’s always been alone and it’s never been problem before, why should it be now? At least that’s what he tries to tell himself.
“Don't approve of him but gotta trust him - This alliance has a purpose - This partnership is only temporary”
I’ll get more into this when we get to Death Chamber, but these lines are obviously alluding to Sonic and the plot of the game. It’s clear that Knuckles still doesn’t completely like Sonic, however the key here is that he trusts him, he’s gotten to a point now where he knows Sonic is well meaning and their goals align. However, just like real people, he’s accepted the arrangement but he doesn’t have to like it, he still believes Sonic is brash, arrogant and takes far too many risks, it will take more than a few adventures for Knuckles to fully change his opinion on Sonic.
Hunnid-P and Marlon Saunders do a great job of bouncing off each other on this song, their voices and cadences clash with each other nicely almost like how Knuckles’ inner turmoil is split in two.
The beat is tantalizingly funky, for starters that bass line is smooth as butter and the song has a nice tempo, you get the occasional organ flourish and guitar riff that crescendo and just help to enhance the song even further. Overall a really solid track in my opinion, the content of the lyrics is interesting and the delivery is great, all over an extremely funky instrumental.

KICK THE ROCK - WILD CANYON

Probably my favorite song out of all Knuckles’ Stages, this one is definitely the most Jazzy and parallels nicely with Rouge, but has a distinctly Knuckles Twist.
That Sax and Organ combo just cause an absolute eargasm and those drums form such a nice tempo that makes this track such easy listening. Honestly there’s not a whole lot going on with this track and that is not a bad thing at all. Its simplicity is probably its biggest strength and is quite noticeable compared to something like Unknown From M.E.
Some Lyrics I found particularly interesting are:
“I'm feelin her in mysterious ways - That's why I stay on point like every single day - I gotta protect this place, I do it for my race”
Yeah yeah I know everybody finds this line and the play doh line inappropriate and funny, I understand the latter but honestly I could never get the outcry over this one
“I’m feelin her in mysterious ways” honestly, in my opinion, it’s not what you think. I’ve never really seen it as a sexual line “I’m feelin you” is basically another way of saying I get you, it’s basically Knuckles saying he gets Rouge, but he doesn’t know why and that kinda bothers him.
The context matters here and the lines after do give my interpretation some weight. It’s basically Knuckles saying to himself “I get this girl and I kinda mess with her, but I gotta job to do” Knuckles is intrigued by Rouge, he’s never met anybody like her and he obviously has some feeling towards her, though because of his lack of interaction with others he struggles to understand these feelings and instead of addressing them, he tries to ignore them and remain true to his job as Guardian
“Who could'a did this, that snitch named Rouge! - When I catch her, I'ma get her with these tools”
More obvious than the last one, but it still shows that Knuckles, despite his various different feelings toward Rouge, knows he has a job to do and tries to center himself to stay committed
Honestly it’s hard to choose between this or Unknown From M.E. as my favorite Knuckles track but either way its up there and definitely something I can bop to on the regular

A GHOST’S PUMPKIN SOUP - PUMPKIN HILL

The one everybody knows and honestly I get it, it’s got that smooth piano/guitar I can’t really tell what it is but it definitely slaps. It has that distinct G-Funk whistle which pops up occasionally across SA2K that simulates that stereotypically ghostly sound nicely
It’s definitely in contention with Deeper for the most lowkey Knuckles track and that’s saying something.
Not much content lyrically, but I managed to find a few interesting lines:
“I ain’t gonna let it get to me, I’m just gon creep - Down in Pumpkin Hill I gots to find my lost piece”
Something we don’t actually see a lot from Knuckles, fear! Most of this song is about Knuckles’ fearlessness being tested, if you view this as Knuckles’ internal monologue (Which if you don’t at this point then I’ve been doing something wrong 😂) its less about the song telling us how tough Knuckles is, but Knuckles reassuring himself that he can do this.
He’s obviously trepidatious over being in Pumpkin Hill and he has to take a moment to center himself and reassure himself that “I’m Knuckles, I’m not afraid of anything” again this goes back to how Knuckles uses his job as Guardian and his duty to motivate himself and push forward through situations, regardless of his own fear.
“I’m hearing someone saying “You a chicken, don’t be scared!” - It had to be the wind, cause nobody wasn’t there”
Considering the haunted theming of this level, this very clearly (on the surface) seems to be Knuckles encountering a ghost taunting him, but I might present another angle.
This is just Knuckles’ inner thoughts again, though this time its doubt, he doesn’t believe he can find the pieces of the Master Emerald and he doesn’t think he can make it through Pumpkin Hill, yet he pushes through anyway. This one’s kinda far fetched but it’s a nice idea
I don’t adore this track as much as a lot of other people (ironically) but I can still Jive with it.

DIVE INTO THE MELLOW - AQUATIC MINE

First of all, this track does a great job at just sounding watery, the filtered organ and the echoey bass just make it sound like cave ambience turned into music
Most of this track’s lyrics center around Knuckles’ yearning to be something more than just the Guardian of the Master Emerald and to be his own individual, these are:
“Makes you wanna sit back, enjoy the life - And do things you like doing, get to shine”
Knuckles, if it wasn’t for all the enemies and hazards, obviously enjoys being in Aquatic Mine, so much so that it brings his thoughts of a better life to the front of his mind.
This shows what Knuckles really wants, to be unburdened from the Master Emerald and to just be free to kick it wherever, in a way he’s jealous of the freedom Sonic has and wishes he wasn’t tied down to Angel Island.
“I stay Knuckled up, I’m in a deep cut”
Knuckles, despite his ideals of peace and relaxation is always ready to do what he believes is right, again this whole OST is basically Knuckles reconciling his wants and his duties.
Again Knuckles isn’t really equipped to deal with these feelings and instead of addressing them, he pushes them down and buries them under his duty and tries to keep himself busy, though once he gets to Aquatic Mine where he’s forced to slow down and explore methodically, he’s suddenly unable to distract himself from his true feelings.
“In a maze, and I don't know what to do Guaranteed though, imma find the Emeralds”
Again an obvious allusion to the labyrinthine Aquatic Mine on the surface, though I believe this too has a deeper meaning.
Knuckles is lost and confused emotionally, he’s confronted by these different feelings that conflict with everything he’s ever known. His thoughts on freedom and his feelings for Rouge which he doesn’t quite understand both conflict with his role as Guardian and he can’t reconcile them.
“I don’t know what to do” in a rare moment of vulnerability, Knuckles admits that he has no idea how to manage these feelings and he’s grappling with the monumental task of managing his panicked thoughts.
Then, just as you think Knuckles is gonna start making a breakthrough, what does he do? “Guaranteed though, imma find the Emeralds” That’s right, instead of finally addressing his swirling thoughts, he pushes them down and once again distracts himself with his duty.
Honestly, like Pumpkin Hill, I know it’s a reach but it tracks with what we know Knuckles’ character has been up to this point and it gives him insane depth and really humanizes him.
A funky beat, a nice flow from Hunnid P and some really humanizing characterization of Knuckles, Dive Into The Mellow is definitely a hidden gem of the OST.

DEEPER - DEATH CHAMBER

Sooooooo chill, honestly this song is so calm and smooth, it’s so underrated on this soundtrack it really is another hidden gem like Dive Into the Mellow.
First off I absolutely adore the bass this track has, it sounds like it’s been bit compressed for a Gameboy and honestly I’m all here for it, gives it a nice techno Eggmany twist. The funky guitar and sax just enhances the mood, the song sounds almost echoey like you’re actually standing in a Death Chamber.
Lyrically this song is unique in that it’s basically just a long conversation between Sonic and Knuckles instead of Knuckles’ inner thoughts/monologue.
It’s an interesting dynamic where Sonic is actually the reasonable one, willing to put aside his and Knuckles’ differences aside for the greater good. Knuckles however is initially a bit more standoffish, but Sonic talks him into it by appealing to his guardian nature and calling him out on his stubbornness, basically forcing Knuckles to admit that Sonic is right and that they’ll be much better off working together.
Honestly not much to say, it’s pretty much all spelled out in the song, but interesting nonetheless. An understated and uniquely funky beat make this track stand out among the others nicely, definitely a great listen.

SPACE TRIP STEPS - METEOR HERD

Finally, the last song. In my opinion, Space Trip Steps is probably the weakest track musically. That doesn’t make it bad, far from it, I just can’t groove with it as easily as the others
This song takes a lot more inspirations from G-Funk than the other tracks which does give it quite a unique sound amongst the soundtrack, it wouldn’t sound out of place on The Chronic or Regulate… G Funk Era. The wavy synths and sharp base with the fast tempo give it an almost garage feel too, definitely not a sound for everyone but I think it does a good job at sounding very ethereal and space like
As for lyrics, this seems to be a turning point for Knuckles as a loner:
“Took a shuttle to space and left from our homes At least we're with friends and I'm not all alone”
Knuckles is in a completely foreign environment and feels completely out of his depth, however he feels comforted by the fact that he’s surrounded by the people he’s finally started to call his Friends, the first time he’s admitted such.
He’s forced now to acknowledge that he can’t do everything by himself, and that asking for help from his friends doesn’t make him any less of a man, he finally accepts that he can trust outsiders, but he still has a ways to go.
“Bad thing was that the Emeralds spilled - Gotta search space, man, time to get ill”
Still, Knuckles is bound and almost blinded by his duty, forcing himself to abandon his friends to search for the Master Emerald pieces that were scattered in space.
It’s clear now that Knuckles isn’t too happy to leave his friends, but as we’ve come to know him, he does the typical Knuckles thing of pushing his feelings to the side in the face of doing what he believes is right. This just tells us Knuckles still has a lot to work on before he can really come to terms with who he is.
Again, a pretty unconventional track so it can be an awkward listen and definitely not my favorite on the list, but it does something unique which I can definitely give it props for, Hunnid P even has a completely different flow, dragging out his words like he’s getting further away, hammering home that space theme.

CONCLUSION

And that’s it, if you made it this far through my long winded ramblings, then I’m extremely impressed 😂 I tried to trim the fat as best I could but I ended up getting a bit too attached to most of what I wrote
Honestly I feel like these songs have been unfairly painted as the silly crappy Knuckles rap songs with bad lyrics that are only good because of their instrumentals, and I just can’t agree with that.
I feel like in a lot of ways these songs do a much better job of characterizing Knuckles than SA1 or SA2, I really wish we got see more of his inner turmoil and him butting heads with Sonic in the game itself.
I think it’s a sad thought that for a long time, Knuckles has been a shadow of his former self (Har har) and has just been relegated to the token meathead that’s about as one dimensional as a square. Frontiers is definitely a step in the right direction and I’m excited to see what the new writing team can cook up with for his character.
But what are your thoughts though? Do you agree? Disagree? Did I manage to change your mind or have you always felt this way? Maybe you have a different take or something else to add? I’d love to hear it.
ML

Before going into it, I want to mention how this post was inspired by three things. One was user u/HastyvonFuego2 and their post on going down the rabbit hole on the Kendrick sub last week. It was also inspired by Childish Gambino’s first album release in nearly 6 years where I have been sitting on this idea for a while but he inspired me to finally post this week like he did (never posted on Reddit at all before so be gentle if I am not doing it right)! I was also inspired by an interview Bino gave to GQ about breaking down his most iconic characters. In this interview he says how This is America started out as a Drake diss but then he realized the song was too hard for just Drake so he kept working on it. He also talks in this interview about how all culture is about compression. Which means that yes, This is America is about the gun violence and police issues in America, but compressed in this video is also more about where that culture comes from which he shows is from a small handful of rap moguls, namely Drake, Diddy and Jay-Z (bear with me on this long post, I think/hope it will be worth it). At the end I talk briefly about how Little Foot Big Foot might be in this same vein of cultural compression.
[Intro: Choir]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, go, go away
The beginning of this song has no background music yet, which really gives it an ‘in the beginning’ feel. Then Gambino starts doing his dances with weird facial expressions. I will explain as we go through his video how those expressions and dance moves represent different famous rap moguls. One easy look to pick out right away is Jay-Z’s famous lip curl/growl look that Gambino gives with a head nod repeatedly. The colonial pants have been a hot topic, but since it’s only the pants that are colonial, Gambino is saying the bottom or basis for this violent culture in America is ultimately colonialism. The lyrics ‘Go Away’, are likely foreshadowing the rap moguls wanting other popular rap rivals to ‘go away’ or they will make them (aka murder them) for profit.
[Bridge: Childish Gambino & Young Thug]
We just wanna party
Party just for you
We just want the money
Money just for you (Yeah)
Usually you want money for yourself and to party for yourself, so this is a bit odd. But what Gambino is referring to is similar to these Diddy ‘freakoff parties’ we are hearing about where people who want to be famous are really partying for these rap moguls so they can get close to them. Where they suck up to them saying that they want to earn the mogul money from their songs.
I know you wanna party
Party just for free
Girl, you got me dancin' (Girl, you got me dancin')
Dance and shake the frame (Yeah)
Then this almost feels like the Diddy rebuttal where he’s like ya I know you want to party and you want to do it for free. Like Katt Williams says, “you gotta tell Diddy no”, it is never free to go to those parties. There are always consequences. When you are partying you are dancing, but shaking the frame could refer to how those boundaries/edges are being crossed, lines are blurred, etc.
Then in the video, the fellow who was playing the guitar gets shot and things turn dark from happy music. I believe that this guitar tune is meant to represent 2Pac and Nas’s song Thugz Mansion. It’s one of the original greats from ‘in the beginning’. Nas famously has always had major issues with Jay-Z too (More on why 2Pac and Nas later). It also represents how it was these moguls who murdered 2Pac like Jaguar Wright and Katt Williams keep saying. Where these murders only lead to more money and fame for the killers when the dead artists’ and their music are exploited more easily.
Also note that the gun gets taken away by a school kid after the shooting, more on this later as well.
[Verse 1: Childish Gambino, Young Thug, Blocboy JB & 21 Savage]
This is America (Skrrt, skrrt, woo)
Don't catch you slippin' now (Ayy)
Look how I'm livin' now
Police be trippin' now (Woo)
Yeah, this is America (Woo, ayy)
Guns in my area (Word, my area)
There is a song called Guns in My Area by Lil Weiner and Baby Chapox that paints a vivid picture of the everyday struggles and conflicts faced by those living in communities affected by gun violence. More compression of other songs and the American gun culture.
I got the strap (Ayy, ayy)
I gotta carry 'em
I am almost certain this line is referring to 2Pac’s song Changes. Throughout This is America, Gambino takes lines from Pac’s song: “They get jealous when they see you with your mobile phone” (referred to later in this a Celly, that’s tool) “That's the sound of my tool, you say it ain't cool, My mama didn't raise no fool”
“And as long as I stay black, I gotta stay strapped, And I never get to lay back” It seems like Gambino broke up these lyrics and scattered them throughout his song. This plays into the theme that everyone is using 2Pac and enriching themselves off of his image and music. I show below how this particular section of the video represents Diddy meaning that Diddy himself is exploiting his music (and alleging that Diddy killed Pac?). We could see this exploitation play out at length with how much Diddy milked the death of Biggie like in Every Breath You Take.
Yeah, yeah, I'ma go into this (Ugh)
Yeah, yeah, this is guerilla (Woo)
Yeah, yeah, I'ma go get the bag
The song Gorilla War by $uicideboy$ and Ramirez talks about getting a bag repeatedly in the course. Also in Otis with Kanye and Jay-Z their lyrics talk about going gorilla (I talk about this song more further down), so it could be referring to this as well. It seems like Gambino is trying to pull out lyrics from all across the rap culture and embed them in his song to highlight the ‘cultural compression’.
Yeah, yeah, I'm so cold like, yeah (Yeah)
I'm so dope like, yeah (Woo)
We gon' blow like, yeah (Straight up, uh)
I think that all of the school kids in the video represent all of the rappers that are signed with these big labels. Which is interesting because they are the ones facilitating the guns for the moguls in the video. You can see that the mogul is really focused on the kids and gets agitated and directs them to follow him whenever they stray off a bit like they are his pupils, or like he owns them. Then all of a sudden the camera comes into a scene where you can see more kids shooting a rap video and all shooting money from a Supreme gun. The camera zooms out almost to show you that this is the mogul’s whole rap empire they are looking over, all of their kids in one place (this empire already includes some chaos in the background). It’s subtle but hilarious, Gambino puts fricken chickens on the ground where the kids are filming the rap video. He is directly calling all of these rappers complete chickens for playing up this lifestyle and being the cause of so much chaos rather than coming out and telling somebody what’s really going on. Trying to get their money over everything else.
[Refrain: Choir & Childish Gambino]
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, tell somebody
You go tell somebody
Grandma told me
Get your money, Black man (Get your— Black man)
This is where things start to get interesting. Gambino is literally saying, go tell somebody about this! We all know what’s happening, why don’t you go let people know how bad it is? But like Jaguar Wright said, who do you tell when these moguls have the cops and feds paid off? This video is literally Gambino putting it all out there in this extremely popular song for everyone to see but yet we still just see the dancing and the violent chaos of people and police in the streets and not the root cause that is hidden in plain sight.
The vast majority of those who reviewed this video until now think this scene represents the tragic church shooting in Charleston in 2015. I think it does, but we also have to look at this from an angle of compression.
The people in the choir are all of the people who are currently singing the rap mogul’s praises and who are focused on going and getting what’s owed to them, get their money (who are also profiting off of the dead fellows music since it goes back to the original tune). You can see that each choir member has a distinct look to them. Think about who you are hearing about now who is about to be implicated in these freak offs and evil deeds. Is that Will Smith in the back left corner!? The short bald fellow in the front left maybe Kevin Hart? Rick Ross or TD Jakes maybe the bigger guy towards the back right? When the camera zooms in on the choir right at first to show their faces, doesn’t the guy in the bottom middle look like an uncanny version of Jordan Peele? Or is that meant to be Cuba Gooding Jr? Then just like the guitar fellow at the beginning, bang. You may be singing Diddy’s praises now, but he will cut you down whenever he suddenly feels like it.
I think almost for sure this initial section of the music video is Gambino acting as Diddy, because right after he shoots the choir, he does the elbow pump/chicken dance. At 3:14 in Diddy’s video for P.E. 2000 he does the chicken dance (he is up first in the video and I think Gambino is trying to say here I first present to you the first public enemy of 3 in this song). That elbow dance signals that it was Diddy and this is the end of his section.
[Chorus: Childish Gambino, Young Thug, Slim Jxmmi & Quavo]
This is America (Woo, ayy)
Don't catch you slippin' now (Woo, woo, don't catch you slippin' now)
Don't catch you slippin' now (Ayy, woah)
Look what I'm whippin' now (Slime!)
There have been many accounts of celebrities being given fancy cars after suffering abuse at the hands of these moguls. So these lyrics are saying that you better not slip up and tell people what’s really going on. And if you don’t look at this sweet carecord deal/movie contract I am going to give you. Beiber told this story about Diddy wanting to give him a luxury car.
Now suddenly, the dance switches from the chicken dance to a sudden bicep flex to signal us that we have now moved on from Gambino representing Diddy to our next mogul.
[Verse 2: Childish Gambino, Quavo, Young Thug, 21 Savage & BlocBoy JB]
This next chunk of the video is all about Jay-Z. I think this is the case because he throws his arms up in a bicep flex just like Jay does in the Otis music video at 2:38. And it makes sense Gambino would pick a dance move from a video with a huge American flag in the background to fit the ‘This is America’ theme. Gambino is mocking him saying, who are you really, the pretty guy or this hard gangster like Gambino shows in his dancing. Also right before they pan to the kids on the balcony, Bino also does Jay-Z’s signature lip curl look a couple times so we know it’s him and to signal the end of his section.
Look how I'm geekin' out (Hey)
I'm so fitted (I'm so fitted, woo)
Jay-Z is famous for making the fitted Yankees cap famous, it’s his signature look. More signs this verse is about Jay.
I'm on Gucci (I'm on Gucci)
Jay-Z has been seen in full wallpaper Gucci sweat suits but could also be referring to Gucci Mane who he hung out with at Beyonce’s tour around the time this song was released.
I'm so pretty (Yeah, yeah, woo)
I'm gon' get it (Ayy, I'm gon' get it)
Watch me move (Blaow)
These lines are probably referring to Jay-Z having a hidden preference for men, especially with the way Gambino flicks his wrist in the video when he says I’m so pretty.
This a celly (Ha)
That's a tool (Yeah)
On my Kodak (Woo) Black
I think that “this a celly, that’s a tool” harkens back to 2Pac’s lyrics in Changes where he sings, “They get jealous when they see ya with your mobile phone” then shortly after that he sings about the sound of his tool, referring to shooting a gun. But Childish flips these lyrics on their head. He is saying that it’s really the phone that’s a tool to be using, not a gun. And pans up and shows (the school kids specifically) on the balcony filming everything going on below. He’s telling the kids/other rappers, use your phone as a tool, you can record these bad deeds when you get blackmailed into being at the freak off. That’s how you can kill them and their career, not with a gun. Go tell somebody! There is also the reference to Kodak which plays into the picture taking theme, but also because Kodak Black has been accused of assaulting a teenage girl in a hotel room. So we have a good idea of what Gambino suggests all the kids start filming and collecting evidence of.
Ooh, know that (Yeah, know that, hold on)
Get it (Woo, get it, get it)
Ooh, work it (21)
Now we are onto Drake’s part. In the video Gambino starts doing the BlocBoy JB dance called Shoot. Drake is known for doing these little viral dance moves like in Hotline Bling. But not only that, this dance is also used in the song that both BlocBoy JB and Drake collaborate on for their video Look Alive. It starts at 2:07 in the Look Alive video. So this is Drake’s dance to signal his part is now starting.
Note this is where the pale horse rides by also potentially saying that Drake is one of the horsemen of the apocalypse. Interestingly, Drake’s collab with BlocBoy JB was pretty much the apocalypse for BlocBoy’s career, who hasn’t had a hit since.
Hunnid bands, hunnid bands, hunnid bands (Hunnid bands)
Contraband, contraband, contraband (Contraband)
I got the plug in Oaxaca (Woah)
They gonna find you like "blocka" (Blaow)
Again, we know this is Drake’s section because his song 10 bands starts out by saying “10 bands, 50 bands, 100 bands” almost identical to Bino’s lyrics here. Also Blocka was famously used by Biggie in his song Gimme the Loot which could be referring to Biggie's demise like Pac’s and making money from his death. Everything in this industry originates from pushing drugs, which has been alleged through the trafficking that Diddy, Jay-Z and Drake do through their private jets likely connected to their bosses, the Clive Davises and Lucian Grainges of the world. This escalates rap beefs and the whole culture to the next level where murder is often a consequence for young rappers in their prime when international drug lord money is involved.
An interesting point is this is the only time where Childish was about to shoot someone in the video, but where he didn’t have a school kid either handing him the gun or taking it away carefully from him. (Maybe also a diss at Drake that even though he acts hard he doesn’t shoot, he gets his horseman of the apocalypse to do his dirty deeds for him instead perhaps?). This is the beginning of the end for the rap mogul as he no longer has his kids doing his bidding for him. A simple message to show how the violence can be stopped, that these shootings can end when the kids stop enabling them. So then as soon as he can’t react in that moment and shoot someone his anger is forced to chill out, as shown by smoking a J, and to go back to exploiting the dead man’s music instead. If you don’t put a gun in someone’s hand when they are heated, those feelings too shall pass - kinda feel.
[Refrain: Choir, Childish Gambino, & Young Thug]
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, tell somebody
America, I just checked my following list, and
You mothafuckas owe me
Whose voice does that sound like!? It sounds a lot like Diddy to me, public enemy #1. This is basically saying that the moguls are the ones who we all owe it to for all of this glorified gun violence in America. That we owe them way more follows and likes for what a massive influence they have had on the violence and chaos we see in America today.
Grandma told me
Get your money, Black man (Black man)
(1, 2, 3—get down)
In Moneybagg Yo’s song 1, 2, 3, he also has a line that says “1, 2, 3, let’s go!” in a similar vein.
But something interesting I came across was Nas’s song Get Down where they use a sample from James Brown's “The Boss” that sounds extremely similar to the way Gambino screams “Get Down!” Which would fit well if the guitar singer from the beginning is meant to be Nas and Pac doing Thugz Mansion.
Also make sure you check out Nas’s song Get Down so that you can hear how much Jay-Z outright copied this song for The Story of OJ. From the musical structure with the piano and interwoven samples right down to the theme reiterated by the sample at the end of Nas’s song: “If that’s how our people are gonna get down, how are we ever gonna get up?”
SZA
Finally to wrap up the video, I have been stumped for a long time as to why SZA is randomly at the end of this video sitting on one of the cars. But I think I finally know why and it reconfirms that this last scene is all about Drake. If you watch Drake’s music video for Worst Behavior (not very Canadian of him to spell behaviour that way I might add) you will see Drake rapping and dancing with a few cars surrounding him and one of those cars has other rappers making cameos in it. In Gambino’s video SZA represents that car with a famous cameo. I think this is further confirmed when the black edges of the video start closing inwards at the end of This is America, the exact same way that Worst Behavior ends. So why SZA as the cameo then? Cause it reminds people that Drake is a p*do.
This is from an article in the Rolling Stone: In 2020, Drake revealed publicly that he and SZA had dated over a decade ago, well before she was an established artist (her earliest music goes back to around 2012; her critical breakthrough, Ctrl, came in 2017). On 21 Savage’s “Mr. Right Now,” Drake rapped about a newer fling who was a fan of SZA’s: “Yeah, said she wanna fuck to some SZA, wait / ‘Cause I used to date SZA back in ’08 / If you cool with it, baby, she can still play.” A few days later, SZA responded, corroborating Drake’s claim with a slight correction: they dated in 2009, when both would have been over 18. Since SZA would not have turned 18 until late 2008, she wanted to set the record straight. “in this case a year of poetic rap license mattered 🥴lol I think he jus innocently rhymed 08 w wait [sic],” she tweeted. “I just didn’t want anybody thinking anything underage or creepy was happening . Completely innocent . Lifetimes ago . [sic]”
If you have to specifically say something isn’t creepy and distance yourself from it being lifetimes ago, it usually is creepy. Drake would’ve been 22 when she was 17. Metro Boomin also happens to be on the Mr. Right Now track. He is currently in trouble for resurfaced old tweets showing how Metro used to tweet disgusting things about what he wanted to do to underage girls. Interestingly, Metro Boomin is also now beefing with Drake.
Drake doing his dance on the car of the original musician’s music seems to be accusing Drake directly of stealing 2Pac’s music. Orlando Brown recently said the cryptic statement that “Drake is Pac” which likely means he stole 2Pac’s approach/style/audience after his death. Gambino did some good foreshadowing here too with the recent AI release Drake put out of 2Pac.
This dance scene also signals that the Drake section is now over.
[Outro: Young Thug]
You just a black man in this world
You just a barcode, ayy
You just a black man in this world
Drivin' expensive foreigns, ayy
You just a big dawg, yeah
I kenneled him in the backyard
No, probably ain't life to a dog
For a big dog
The outro lyrics speak to how these gatekeepers keep black men down and control them with things like being forced to wear a dress to become famous or to submit to homosexual/p*do acts.. In the video, as I mentioned above, the black edges close in on Drake’s dancing scene in This is America. But they don’t completely close and end things like they do in the Worst Behavior video. Instead, in Gambino’s video, the camera pans to show the mogul running for his life with Young Thug’s lyrics almost like a quiet echo in the background. He isn’t running from the cops though, he’s running from the kids and from the public. When I mentioned earlier that the kids not handing over the last gun before Drake’s scene signalled the beginning of the end for the moguls, this is that conclusion. Where it is showing that if all the kids come together to stop enabling and rather expose the moguls, people will be chasing these bastards down once we realize what has been going on behind the curtain. Then the song that Young Thug is singing can just be a quiet echo of the way things were in the past.
If you don’t think Gambino would be this deep and that I went too far down the rabbit hole, do a Google search on the calculations that he came up with for why he sings about loving until 3005 in his song. He seems to go real deep with his lyrics. So a big question this leaves us with is, what did Childish Gambino witness in the rap industry? His whole rap career plays out like he is trying to avoid industry norms.
Even in Sweatpants, he has lyrics like:
No hands like soccer teams and y'all fuck boys like Socrates
You niggas ain't coppin' these, niggas ain't lookin' like me (Nah)
Nah, I ain't checkin' I.D. (Nah), but I bounce 'em with no problem
Seems like he is trying to make it really clear across his catalogue of music that he isn’t a p*do but that other rappers are. Where he is saying that he doesn’t need to ID his potential partners because he can tell they are obviously too young and that’s not hard to do.
Tell 'em, Problem (Problem!)
I'm winnin', yeah, yeah, I'm winnin' (What?)...
Rich kid, asshole, paint me as a villain
So who was trying to paint him as a villain, Drake? And that’s why the diss was originally meant for him?
Don't be mad 'cause I'm doing me better than you doing you…
Better than you doing you
Fuck it, what you gon' do? (What?!)
He’s taunting the other rappers cause he knows they can’t say shit if they are creeps. He has the same sentiment in Bonfire “It’s a bonfire, turn the lights out, I’m burning everything you mother fuckers talk about.”
Childish Gambino has always refrained from talking about the meaning of This is America whenever he is asked, and I can only assume that all of this is why.
Little Foot Big Foot
Now with his new release, Little Foot Big Foot and applying cultural compression to it, it has me wondering if he is referring to Megan Thee Stallion and the Nicki beef? People like Nicki (calling Megan Big Foot) have been claiming for some time she wasn’t even shot in the foot by Tory Lanez. There were many people laughing and making fun of Megan over getting shot. Which could be an interesting story for Childish to tell to represent how crazy this violent culture has gotten that people just laugh and blame the victim now when you get shot. Also a good metaphor for things like ‘shooting yourself in the foot’ for not having a lawyer look over potentially predatory industry contracts like in the beginning of his video. That you want to get in the cool kids club so bad you overlook it. Not as sure on this one though since the song just came out and I have only heard it a few times.
One last thing that is really interesting, there have been tons of artists on podcasts like Shay Shay talking about the strings these ultra rich moguls can pull. Like buying awards or gatekeeping people from being in the industry at all. There was even a story, I think maybe it was Gene Deal who told it, that when Killer Mike won at the grammys that Jay-Z was so angry he made sure to mess up his night by getting him locked up as soon as he left the awards stage. These moguls are extremely powerful and have an incredible amount of sway in the world/industry. If you check out Gambino’s profile on Youtube, his old music videos keep getting taken down, like Bonfire for example is just gone. Fans have been having to upload the videos themselves. There is a reply to a comment, on one of the fan uploaded vids, from Gambino’s account himself when someone asks why the videos are being taken down. His account just replies “Noone knows why :(“ Seems a bit odd all things considered and like maybe he has been at the mercy of these gatekeepers for going against the system.
I am so curious to know what the rest of you think about all of this!

Part 5
Gerard, God
Somewhere in time and space
He watched the passers-by as they moved about, following their daily routines, unaware of the fate that would shortly befall them. This was the time that fascinated Him the most. The moments before they finally understood that The Threat was here.
It was a sort of last hurrah, He thought. They didn't know it, but Gerard could nonetheless sense a sort of joi de vivre, a liveliness that simply didn't exist in prior times, and couldn't possibly exist in future ones. He watched mothers dote lovingly over their children, watched children hurl themselves into play with abandon, watched addicts take in their drugs like a drowning man would gulp for air. They might not known that there was no tomorrow for most of them, but they nonetheless seemed to put just a little bit of extra effort into everything.
Eventually, it came to an end, of course. It always did, no matter how many times He watched it. He saw happiness and mundanity give way to pain and suffering. Laughter was replaced by the screams of the dying. Life was replaced by death. The world replaced by destruction.
He sighed, leaving this timeline. He never watched the arrival of The Threat twice in the same timeline. There was nothing for Him to learn that way. His power was immense and total. He only had to witness The Threat once in each timeline to understand it.
Worst of all was the knowledge. The knowledge that He would only be able to save a single timeline. That all others would fall into ruin, destroyed and left to rot away. Only one could survive; the one that He chose. He could stop The Threat only once, for doing so would require Him to remain. Ever vigilant, ever ready to stop any recurrence.
He had to choose which timeline. That task was less than He feared, for now he knew that there were an infinite number of them. He could choose one with the right qualities, one whose nature would aid Him in His work. He realized then that He would, once He had chosen the proper timeline, finally watch The Threat come twice. Once, when He reviewed that timeline prior to choosing. And again, when He would stop it.
And stop it, He would. No other outcome was acceptable. He had already sacrificed too much. His mortality, His life, His happiness, His very soul itself. He had wrought Himself into a weapon, to strike down The Threat, and He would fulfill that purpose, no matter what.
----
Jerry Williams, Godslayer
Nibiru
We were sharks, swimming and darting among a school of fish. Gods and devas fled, screaming in terror as we flew through the swirling, chaotic energies that should have driven us -or at least my wife and daughter- mad within seconds. They had thought that their realm protected them.
Little did they know, we were already mad.
Inanna and I flanked a group of fleeing gods, preventing them from leaving this world, extending their essence into manifested bodies somewhere in one of the countless material worlds, or simply crossing the energy that was the core of their beings into the Spirit World. Here, in Nibiru, our divinities and demi-divinities gave us access to unlimited power. We seized it and wove nets with which to entrap those minor gods who could not find escape elsewhere, and had huddled here in fear of our coming.
As the group fled, we sped up, curving our course, which caused them to curve theirs, fearful of drawing too close to either of us. We moved slowly, carefully, angling them where we wanted them to go.
It wasn't long before the gaping maw of the Grandfather of the Gods came into view. Ixlublotl, the primordial god, the originator of divinity. The gods we herded realized their peril and turned to flee back the opposite direction, but there they found Aaina, burning towards them, screaming in rage and bristling with offensive energies.
Trapped, they had no choice. They attacked us. Emotions and thoughts, energy and matter, all of it flew at us in an orgy of sudden violence that churned the substrate of this world into a screaming chaos. All three of us linked our magics into a shield; a half-sphere of anti-magic that absorbed their attacks, sending the energy of which they were made back into into the swirling chaos around us.
They threw everything they had at us, a desperate last stand, driven by necessity and panic. All of it crashed against our defenses, the resulting streamers of magic filling the space around us with an all but impenetrable cloud. Hidden by that cloud, Ixy closed in.
By the time they realized that it was too late, it was over.
Ixy's physical body, that cloud-wrapped cacophony of maw-stalks, eye-stalks, spider-like legs and whipping tentacles, currently the size of a skyscraper, swept in, mouths snapping up the energies that were the cores of our quarry.
We came together when it was done. Inanna created a haven for us, allowing us to release the magic that held our bodies in stasis and protected us from the wild magic all around. It was a copy of our house, something she'd come up with a while back and shown to me with great pride. I had loved it, of course.
I sank into the loveseat with Inanna next to me as Aaina took the recliner.
"That's most of them," Aaina said.
"About thirty more," I replied. "And then we can start the next phase."
"Do either of you have any doubts about what we're doing?" she asked. I could see the indecision in her eyes. She was so young, and such a good girl. My heart broke at having dragged her into such dirty business.
"No," Inanna answered, her voice hard and confident.
"Yes," I added. "But at the end of the day, this is what needs doing."
Aaina looked back and forth between us, then nodded. None of us smiled.
----
Emily Windham, Wizard, Artificer
Fremont, Nebraska, at the corner of E 4th Ave and N Main St
Emily turned just in time to see the massive troll hit Jim Carmichael with a shoulder, sending the trooper flying before angling at her with no change in speed.
Acting on pure instinct, she conjured a wall of force between them. The troll slammed into it, shattering the magics that held it together with raw force, but the wall did its job, stopping the warrior in his tracks.
Emily snatched the rune-engraved knife off her belt and surged forward, jumping at the last second to put her in range of the troll's huge neck. The blade plunged in, and she released a quick burst of magic that made her legs and off hand sticky, allowing her to cling to the thing, too close for it to use its battleaxe on her.
She ripped the knife out and plunged it in again and again as the barbarian roared in pain and indignation at being hurt so badly by a foe so tiny. Emily grabbed his beard, yanking hard to bring his eyes to hers as she slammed the knife in and twisted, the magic in the blade telling her when it found his windpipe and carotid artery.
Blood sprayed, coating her face and shoulders. The troll's roars were cut off in a gurgling, breathy hiss. He stumbled, then fell. Emily rode him down, her eyes locked onto his, watching all hopes of victory, or even survival, fade from them. She lost herself in those eyes, in the mystery that was this troll's life, ending right before her. She saw the regrets, the crushed hopes, the shame of defeat and wondered at the context.
The impact as they hit the ground broke the spell.
Emily released the magic and stood up, instincts trained into her by the security troops and war wizards making her search for more threats before she could even process what had just happened. But there were no more threats. That had been the last one.
Greg Ramirez walked towards her, his rifle barrel pointed down, hanging from the sling in front of his armor and all the various attachments that he and the security troops referred to as their 'battle rattle'.
"Nice work," he said, eyeing the troll, who continued to gasp for air, the sound of his labored breaths reminding Emily of a pig squealing. She looked down, searching for that orgasmic feeling her bio-dad had so desperately wanted her to share with him, but not finding it. All she found was a sense of satisfaction, yet even that was too much.
Years of therapy, of telling her story to trained clinicians and listening to and internalizing their advice. All of it had helped her make friends and move among the normal people, but it had never erased that feeling of satisfaction. This was the fourth time she'd killed a sentient being, and each time, she felt the exact same way. It was a victory.
Her maudlin thoughts were interrupted by the bark of Greg's rifle. The troll's head jerked and deformed, a splattering of blood coming out as a .277 fury round drilled a hole straight through his temples. She glanced up to find Greg still eyeing her.
"You did good," he said, his expression showing some concern.
"I liked it," she said quietly, her eyes turning back.
"You liked killing him?" Greg asked. Emily nodded, wondering if she'd always be fucked up.
"I killed him," Greg said. "And I damn sure liked it."
Emily turned back, eyeing him with some interest. Greg was, in many ways, the opposite of her. Cool, confident, charming and just all-around well-adjusted. She hadn't ever imagined that he wound enjoy something like this.
"It means I won," he explained. "It means that big, badass motherfucker showed up here trying to bully us, and take whatever he wanted from us, and little old me stood up and said 'no', and when he tried to force the issue, I took his life away. It feels like justice. It feels like one less motherfucker trying to kill me and my friends. Damn straight I liked it."
Emily smiled. She didn't realized she had smiled until Greg smiled back.
"I read your psych eval," he went on. "I know you think you're fucked in the head, but I'm gonna tell you right now, you're not. You're a warrior, that's it. Bloodlust isn't a bad thing, if it can be controlled. Enjoying killing isn't a bad thing, if you're killing the people that need killing. Give yourself a break, girl."
He clapped her on the shoulder, then took the back of her head with his free hand and pressed her forehead to his.
"I'm gonna recommend you be allowed to join the war wizard roster. You're all trained up, you're prepared for it, and from what I've seen today, you're a fucking natural."
Without waiting for a response, he let her go and turned away, grabbing the radio fob on his armor and squeezing it.
"Black Lead, this is Black-Two Actual. All raiders at the target site are neutralized. We're commencing a sweep now, will report back in thirty mikes."
Emily smiled at his back as he walked away. A part of her reflected that he was a natural leader, knowing exactly what to say to her in that moment. Another part didn't care, because it worked. She glanced down at the troll again, and didn't see a victim.
She saw a victory.
----
Kathy Evenson, Professional
Somewhere in the ruins of an ancient city in the Seventh World
Kells shifted nervously as Kathy continued to cut chits from the electrical panel lid with the magical laser emerging from her fingertip. He held his machete, really a short sword, in one hand, and his dagger in the other.
"We really shouldn't be much longer, Kath," he said. Kathy had explained to him the difference between Kath and Kathy, and even hinted at the things she'd done while possessed by Pissface and calling herself 'Kath', and even gone into some detail about how much she hated the nickname. Kells hadn't cared. He simply agreed with her, then continued to call her 'Kath'.
And the truth was, she really didn't mind that much.
She wasn't quite sure why, though she could hazard a guess. The man was disarming to a great degree. He presented himself as a dirty wanderer, a simple, violent man who shouldn't be trusted as far as you could throw him. But within just a few minutes of meeting him, she'd seen the intelligence in his eyes and words. She had seen the integrity in his negotiations with her, and the ethics that had turned him protective when the Searchers had appeared.
And despite that protectiveness, he still managed to avoid being patronizing. When she'd told him how she planned to get his chits, he had warned her of the dangers, then agreed to come along without hesitation when she didn't change her mind. Kells was a good man, she thought, and if a good man wanted to call her Kath, she supposed she could let him reclaim the name from the hell it had once represented.
"It won't be much longer," she said. She already had over seven hundred, and this plate would bring her to eight hundred. She only needed five or six more. This deep in the ruins, there was an untouched electrical box on almost every building. Some had been corroded, but most were surprisingly intact.
As she cut the final strip into chits, a roar sounded. It was a gurgling, rasping roar, unlike anything she had ever heard before. Or rather, the first one had been unlike anything she had ever heard before. This was the third time she'd heard it, and it sounded closer than the last two.
"That's no good sign, right thur," Kells said.
Kathy finished, dumping the little squares of galvanized steel into her bag and standing up.
"Come on," she said. "We'll go a couple blocks away from whatever that was before I cut the next one."
"Aye," Kells agreed, his head swiveling on his shoulders as he followed her down the alley. Kathy took note of how spooked he was. He seemed more nervous here than he had with the Searchers right in front of him. She supposed that might have something to do with the nature of the threats. The Searchers were, regardless of power and reputation, mere humans. Whereas whatever was making that roar was clearly some sort of monster.
She led him six blocks in a direction away from the roar before she stopped to examine the buildings. They had moved into a downtown area, which was one of the reasons she had stopped. The buildings here were closer together, which should make the rest of her task quicker. She found a good cover and ripped the little padlock off, then pulled it open and off its hinges.
A mass of spiders rushed out of the electrical box. She jerked her hand away, but they ignored her, scurrying down the wall and vanishing into the cracks between the bricks, safe once again in enclosed darkness.
She began to cut as Kells again stood watch.
She hadn't even made it halfway through the panel when another roar sounded, even closer than the last, and from a different direction.
"Call it," Kells said. "Call it now, Kath. Better ye collect some more later on than deal with the beast makin' them sounds."
"What kind of beast?" Kathy asked. She kept cutting, but glanced up and around, not seeing anything but filthy, dilapidated alleys.
"Walkers, they call 'em," Kells said. "Like great spiders, but rottin' away, with bones stickin' out an' flesh hangin' off th'legs."
"Great spiders?" Kathy asked. "How big?"
"Bigger'n a building."
"You've seen them yourself?" Kathy asked.
"Only once," Kells said, his voice growing quieter. He seemed to be done speaking for a moment, staring around. But after a few seconds, he continued.
"Friend o'mine, name o' Gil. We used t'work together, he an' I. I were real new to runnin' a caravan crew back then, about ten years back. Gil were an old hand at it, though. Took me under 'is wing and taught me th'roads, as it were.
"Anyways, we'd taken a pair o' contracts. Rough ones, with a tight timetable. Merchants needed t'get to Freeman's Port post-haste. One faster'n th'other. Gil took that one, left me with the easier one, though that weren't t'say it were an easy job.
"We was in Craster's Holdfast at th'time, an smack in between there an' Freeman's Port were an ancient ruin. Big one, 'bout the size o' this'un, in fact. Normally, it took about a week t'travel between the two places, but if one were brave or foolhardy enough, they could cut through th'ruins an' make it in five days.
"Well, old Gil had that in mind. We left together, an' at th'place where ye normally would turn north t'go around the ruins, he led his caravan on straight. I prayed fer their safety that night, but never really believed anything would happen. Gil were an experienced caravaner, an' tougher'n anyone else I'd ever met.
"Two days later, we was walkin' this ridgeline north o'the ruins when somethin' called out t'me. Not sure what, exactly. I started lookin' south, scannin' the ruins, an' sure enough, I found Gil's caravan, walking down a wide road between th'largest buildings. They was movin' at quite a clip, I hav'ta say.
"I were tickled pink, at first. Because we'd made near as good a time as they had, despite movin' almost a day's north to skirt th'ruins. But as I watched, I realized that they weren't just travelin', they was runnin'."
Kells sighed, his eyes distant and full of old regrets.
"That's when I saw one. A great Walker, striding out o' th'deepest part o' th'ruins. The way it moved were like nothin' I ever seen before. It crawled along th'sides o' the ruins themselves, like a spider almost, but always with two or three feet on th'ground.
"It came fer th'caravan, and fell on 'em in a slaughter. I watched it breathe fire down on 'em, stompin' men flat with its feet an' scooping 'em up with its great claws."
He sighed again, then looked down. He tucked his sword under his armpit and used his hand to rub his eyes for a moment, before taking the blade up again.
"Killed 'em all, it did. Erry single one, as I live an' breath. An' when it were done, it went around, stompin' th'bodies flat. Never ate one, jes did all it could t'make sure that not a single survivor lived t'tell the tale. I were shook something fierce, I tell ya. Took me own caravan down off the ridge, t'avoid bein' spotted. We ended up arriving a day late, but to this day, I thank me lucky stars we made it at all."
Another sigh came, and Kathy heard the cracks in his voice as he continued on.
"Not Gil, though. Nor any o'them what worked for him, or th'merchant what hired him. A few years later, I worked up th'courage t'take a couple o'men into the ruins, t'find the bodies. I found bones dressed in Gil's clothes. I took his sword, which had survived, an' is th'one I carry to this day. I think Gil'd be pleased to know his blade had saved me life, quite a few times since."
Kathy finished cutting the cover up and stood to put her hands on Kells' shoulder.
"Thank you for telling me that," she said, her voice gentle. "I can tell it's an important story to you."
Kells nodded and sniffed once, then jerked his head in the direction away from the most recent roar. "I still think we should get out o' here, Kath," he said. "I'll face down the Searchers an' be happy o' a good death, should they take me. But them Walkers... They ain't warriors ye can face an' die with honor. One o'them things finds us, there ain't no fightin' it. We jes' die screaming, th'only consolation coming when it's all over."
Kathy weighed his words carefully. Kells knew this world far better than she did. And while she knew her own abilities far better than anyone here, she had to be mindful not to be too arrogant. Kells had told her how a single Walker had slaughtered an entire caravan of experienced fighters, led by an experienced leader.
"Okay," she said. She handed the bag to Kells. "There should be about eight hundred and fifty chits in there. You can count them out later, and I'll trust your count. After I find what I'm looking for, I'll collect the rest and we'll settle up."
"Good call," Kells said. He tied the bag off to his belt and walked to the corner of the building, peeking around. When he was satisfied, he nodded. Kathy joined him, and together, they made a beeline to the edge of the ruins.
They had made it about halfway out when another roar sounded, this one right on top of them. A rumbling crash sounded from her right, and Kathy turned to see rubble falling to the ground as something massive rose off the ground, two blocks over.
"Stars an' stones," Kells swore, then shouted "Run!"

LinkedIn can be a sales goldmine when used strategically.

Among all the social media platforms out there, LinkedIn stands out as the go-to platform for professional social networking.

But with over 900 million people using it, how do you stand out?
It requires more than a compelling bio and a polished profile image.
Do You Know??

According to the latest statistics, 40 million people use LinkedIn every week to search for jobs, and three people a minute are hired on the site.

This article will cover:

1. Keywords
2. Headlines
3. Profile completeness
4. Job title optimisation /Work Experience
5. URL Optimization

What Is LinkedIn SEO?

How Search Engine Optimisation (SEO) works for LinkedIn???

LinkedIn SEO is all about optimizing your profile and content to boost your visibility and ranking, offering a myriad of opportunities for career progression, business networking, and establishing a prominent presence within your industry.
When you fine-tune your profile’s headline summary, work experience, and skills section with specific keywords, you can boost the likelihood of appearing in LinkedIn’s search results.
Imagine someone searching for specific keywords or skills related to your professional background – a well-optimized profile significantly increases the chances of your profile being featured in their search results.
On top of that, LinkedIn profiles can also show up in traditional search engine results pages (SERPs) like Google, expanding your online presence.
Beyond profile optimization, the impact of SEO extends to your content. LinkedIn posts and, particularly, articles have the potential to rank within LinkedIn’s search engine, showcasing your expertise within the platform.
Furthermore, these articles, with their long-form nature and valuable insights, can also rank on traditional search engines, leveraging LinkedIn’s high domain authority for increased visibility both on and off the platform.

Why You Need to Optimize Your LinkedIn Profile:

An optimized LinkedIn profile is one where every part of your personal profile is filled out and shows audiences what you do, who you are, and what you are an expert in.

This helps your profile rank higher in LinkedIn searches and builds trust among those who might want to connect or follow you.

Do You Know??
Even more compelling? Some 44% of LinkedIn users earn more than $75,000 a year. That’s a considerable bump up from the national median income of $68,703 per household.
Let's Dive in:

6 steps to help improve your LinkedIn SEO optimization for better results.

Step 1: Keywords.

A keyword is a word or phrase that searchers enter into a search engine. Learn more about Keyword Research. Examples of keywords and phrases include:
Example:
In seo bint e jamil, 'Digital Marketing Manager' is the keyword.

• Freelance Digital Marketer
• Certified Digital Marketer
• Best Digital Marketer

For LinkedIn, create a list of 7-10 words or terms that your ideal client would use when searching for the service you offer. For example:

• SEO Digital Marketer
• Digital Marketer Agency
• Digital Marketing Expert

Now, use these keywords throughout your profile in as many sections as possible, including your:

• Headline
• Role descriptions
• Skills and endorsements
• Skills and endorsements section. LinkedIn prioritises skills already in its database, so when adding a new skill, start typing it, then select the most relevant suggestion that appears.

Step 2: Profile Completeness

To rank highly your profile will need to be 100% complete, with every profile section completed. Consider using bullet points rather than paragraphs, and format the text so it’s easy to read.
Let’s take a look at what you should focus on to fully optimize your LinkedIn profile.

1: Images Optimization:

When you’re setting up your profile, you’ll want to make sure you’ve got a solid profile picture.

LinkedIn can be a sales goldmine when used strategically.LinkedIn can be a sales goldmine when used strategically.

Among all the social media platforms out there, LinkedIn stands out as the go-to platform for professional social networking.

2: LinkedIn Background Photo:

Background photos are like billboards. You can use this space to show your accomplishments and awards or offer free resources.

LinkedIn Background Photo Optimization
You should also:

• Add a tagline to inform visitors about who you are and what you do
• Include your website URL and social media handles
• Include a call-to-action (CTA) or provide clear instructions on how users can get in touch with you
• Make sure you avoid placing any important information on the bottom left — it won’t be visible

3: Craft a Keyword-Rich Tagline /Headline:

Your LinkedIn headline sits just below your profile image and name. Customising your headline is not only critical for SEO, it’s also an important part of your personal brand - how people view and perceive you on the platform.

LinkedIn automatically populates your headline with your current or most recent position – however, you have the option to customise it. Remember, you want the headline to create an informative and impactful snapshot of yourself.
Linkedin Headline Optimization
When creating your headline:

• Include your role title
• Include your industry
• Include your specialty
• Use all of the 120 characters available
• Steer clear of emoji use

Headline Example:

For a digital marketing manager, a similarly optimized tagline could be, "Innovative Digital Marketing Strategies to Elevate Your Brand's Presence" — placing the target keyword "Digital marketing strategies" prominently at the start.

4. Featured Posts on LinkedIn

The Featured section on LinkedIn is a space on your profile where you can highlight important content.

LinkedIn Featured Section
It’s near the top, below your photo and headline. You can use this section to showcase:

• Articles or blog posts you’ve written
• Videos
• Images, graphics, or infographics
• Documents, like case studies or whitepapers
• Testimonials or other achievements

Featured content isn’t permanent, so you can change it up to include new content as regularly as you like!

5.Create a Compelling “About” Section

The About section is the meat of your Company page. Here, you have the space to go into more detail, telling the story of your brand and naturally incorporating relevant keywords throughout.

About Us LinkedIn SEO
Here are some components to consider including in your About section:

• Your brand vision. Articulate the impact your company aspires to have.
• Mission statement. Use action-oriented language to describe how you plan to achieve your vision.
• Company values. Articulate your brand values to showcase your company culture and principles.
• Brand differentiators. Clarify your brand’s positioning to differentiate your company and its offerings from competitors.
• Products and/or services. Provide short overviews of your main offerings using clear, searchable terms.

Here’s an example of the beginning of an About section for a data analytics company:

At ABC Company, we democratize data analytics, enabling businesses of all sizes to unlock insights through our intuitive, AI-powered analytics platform.

Finally, you can add in some “Top skills” as a way to remind readers what your services are. This also presents another opportunity to add in your keywords.

6.Work Experience

When I’m looking at someone’s experience section on LinkedIn, I’m looking to see if they meet the criteria of the role beyond a job title. Their job duties and achievements give me a better understanding of their scope of knowledge and specific skill sets this role needs.

LinkedIn “Work Experience” section

Fields for LinkedIn experience entries

Each position on LinkedIn has a combination of required (*) and optional fields:

Required fields for LinkedIn Work Experience entries

Title*

List your position title, including any relevant keywords. Sometimes job titles benefit from being revised for common searches.
Example: "Content Marketing Manager" might be more search-friendly than "Manager, Marketing Content."

Company name*

Many companies already have a company profile on LinkedIn and will autocomplete from the LinkedIn Company Page in the dropdown as you type.

Employment dates*

This is usually shown by a start and end date. If you’re currently working in the role, click “I am currently working in this role” and it will automatically list your end date on your profile as “Present.”

Industry*

This doesn’t display on your profile. Select the best match and keep going.

Optional fields for LinkedIn Work Experience entries

The profile gets much more interesting with the additional, optional work experience fields including:

Employment type

Location

Sharing the location can give people reviewing your profile a sense of where you’ve worked (and where you’re likely based).

Location type

Choose from On-site, Hybrid, and Remote. Showing that you have experience working in a certain capacity can be valuable to some recruiters and employers. Example: If you have a work history in remote roles, you may be a strong candidate for additional remote roles.
Description
This is a written summary, usually two or three sentences long, that allows you to show your job duties, achievements, and expertise. By including relevant information with a few highlights and key accomplishments, you can improve your odds as a job seeker.
Pro tip: To further optimize your LinkedIn profile, consider using ChatGPT for your LinkedIn summary.

7.URL Optimization

LinkedIn allows you to personalise your URL, changing it from the automated URL, which is usually quite long and contains a random assortment of numbers. Upon updating make sure you update your email signature, business cards and other marketing collateral.
URL Optimization in LinkedIn SEO

• Standard URL example (not optimised): https://www.linkedin.com/in/seo-bint-e-jamil323389/
• Custom URL example (optimised): https://www.linkedin.com/in/seo-bint-e-jamil/

To change your LinkedIn public profile URL:

For LinkedIn Public Profile URL:

1. Click the Me icon at the top of your LinkedIn homepage.
   
2. Click View profile.
   
3. Click Edit public profile & URL on the right side.
   

• You’ll be redirected to the Public profile settings page.

1. Under Edit your custom URL on the right side, click the Edit icon next to your public profile URL.

• It'll be an address that looks like www.linkedin.com/in/yourname.

1. Type the last part of your new custom URL in the text box.
   
2. Click Save
   

Drive Results with LinkedIn SEO Optimization

By enhancing the different components of your LinkedIn profile page with a strategic approach to LinkedIn SEO optimization, you’ll be much more likely to appear in search results. This will go a long way toward increasing your visibility and helping drive more business opportunities. Remember that SEO isn’t just a one-time effort, but rather an ongoing process that requires regular attention and updates to deliver your desired results.

During the course of my career as an alpha Sasquatch hunting, Dogman destroying, pussy crushing, luxury watch loving dude, I have run into this particular woman a few times. She is one part uber sensuality, and the other part deadly. Yes, I am speaking about the lovely, Anna Conda. I bring her up because I had another run-in with her last year.

Anna and I first joined forces, so to speak, when she acted as a go-between in my business deal with the Chinese to sell them bigfoot parts. See, I would hunt and kill the critters, cut them up, deliver the parts to Anna, who in turn gave me a suitcase containing unmarked American hundred-dollar bills, then she would transport the bigfoot parts to the Chinese. I was never really sure of what the sneaky-ass Chinese were doing with the body parts. All I knew for sure is that they are extracting certain materials from them, then synthesizing them with some other shit, creating some sort of drug. Whether it then becomes a bio-weapon or a dick stimulant, I do not know. Neither do I care. As long as they kept the hundies coming, I was good.

Now, while Anna is of Russian descent, she is a freelancer. She will work for any sick, skeevy motherfucker out there. She does not care. She has no conscience, at least not in the traditional sense as we understand it in western civilization. Today she is working for the Chinese, and tomorrow she may be working for Hamas. She is a slippery motherfucker.

So here is how it went down. At 11:32 p.m. on a Friday in September of last year I get a call on my cell phone. When the call came in I was balls deep into this hot little lass I picked up at the bus station a little earlier in the evening from an old swarthy chap named “Colorado Joe”. He wanted to sell me the girl. I was assured she was over 20 years old. I told him I needed to take her out for a test ride, which he agreed to.

So, there I was, balls deep in “Bing Bang Yun”, and my phone rings. Of course, I silence all incoming calls not in my contacts list. Thus, I knew that I must know the caller. In mid stroke I reached over to the nightstand to retrieve my cell and looked at it. It was a call from “Sergio”. I thought, “Oh shit…. I am going to have to cut the Oriental bang circus short.” When Sergio calls, I have to respond…immediately. He has the best blow on the east coast!!

“Hey, Serge! What’s up?”, I asked. All he said was, “Hooters. 2:00 a.m.”, then hung up. This was obviously the rendezvous for the transaction. Now, understand that Serge was not talking about the chicken wing restaurant. Hooters was code, in case the feds were listening in on the line. “Hooters” meant the titty bar out on Highway 69 called “The Plump Rump”. We had a communications code we used.

It was a long haul to the titty bar, so I needed to get moving. I had no time to return the girl to Colorado Joe, so I took her with me. I had her blow me on the way to the meeting with Sergio, telling her that her performance would make the difference on whether I save her from Joe or not. Of course, after she was done I tossed her out of my speeding truck and down, over the bridge, and into the Wendigo River below. I did not need any complications in my life right now.

I arrived at The Plump Rump at 2:00 a.m. on the dot. I saw the manager, Lou Skunt, sitting at the bar when I walked inside. I nodded. He walked over and said to me, “Use my office for the meeting The parties are already in there waiting for you.” I nodded and then headed to Lou’s office. Then it hit me: Lou said the “PARTIES” are already here. That is, parties, meaning more than one person. It was not just Sergio. It was 2 or more people! Lou was probably in for a cut of whatever was about to go down.

Something was bad fucked up!! I know for a fact that Sergio never brings anyone with him on a deal, at least not with me. He is too distrustful of people to do that, and too fucking mean to need protection. Something was wrong. I was just as likely to get whacked when I enter Lou’s office as anything else. I needed a moment to think things through.

I took a spot in front of one of the performance poles to watch a young, swarthy Mexican lass perform. My mind quickly strayed from the problem at hand to this brown chick’s ass and tits. She was not a great looking chick, but her body was smoking!! I quickly became aroused. I thought to myself, “Goddamn Asian bitches!! They are just like Chinese food – after 2 hours you are ready for some more!!”

When the little Mexican chick went on break I motioned her over to my table. “Hola Senior!!”, she said. I pulled out a clear plastic baggie of blow and dropped it on the table. Her eyes grew wide and slobber starting falling from her mouth. Blow is like catnip for strippers. Thus, she fell under my spell immediately.

The next thing I know, this brown girl was on my lap, dry humping me like a feral bitch dog in heat. I had to bang her. I NEEDED to see my wang penetrating her. Just then, someone taps my shoulder hard. I look up to see Lou standing over me. He bent down and said, “Did you forget about my office, asshole?!?!?!” I replied, “Damn, Lou!! You read my mind!!!” I arose, with the little Mexican bolted onto my mid-section, and hastily retreated to Lou’s office. I figured Lou would prefer me to stain this chick in private rather than out in the open.

The door to the office opened easily. The lights were on inside. In a lustful haze, I set the little Mexican chick on her back across Lou’s desk and started pumping the shit out of her, completely unaware of the others in the room with us. In a moment I heard someone call my name. I twist my neck around to see Sergio sitting on Lou’s jizz crusted couch. I think to myself, “Oh shit! I forgot about that shit!”

I figured I would just move forward with the deal as it was proposed to me. “Hey Serge! What ya got for me, dude?”, I asked. He replied, “I have a very special deal for you. I need, uh … yeah, ……Hey, Rod, you want to stop for a moment so we can talk?” I picked up the little tamale and laid her down onto Sergio’s lap as I continued to plow her. She stayed on my cock the whole time. I told Sergio, “No, man. I’m good! Lay it on me!” Slowly, Sergio lowered his face into his palm.

Then it happened. The voice cam from behind me, in the dark corner of Lou’s office. It was velvety yet hard as steel. “Rod. Went need to talk”, it said. Even though I did not stop pumping the little brown chick, a chill went down my spine when I heard those words. It was the thick timbre of the voice, I think, that alerted me.

I turned to look across the room. There, sitting in a red leather captains chair against the wall was the source of the sultry voice: Anna Conda.

I picked up the little taco yet again and turned her around so I could face Anna as I continued pumping her. At this point the Mexican girl was merely a masturbation toy I was using. I increased my pump so I could dump my load and get this over with. Then BAMM!!!, it was over. I removed the lass from my huge rod, after which her body crumpled to the floor. I did not know if she was dead or injured, or what had happened to her. But I did not care either, so I did not dwell on it.

I tried to compose myself the best I could, then walked over to stand before Anna so I could get to the bottom of all this business. “Well, well, well. Anna Conda. We meet again. Tell me, what brings you here, to my little neck of the woods?”

Anna replied, “Rod, put your dick away.” I looked down and, indeed, I had forgotten to stow my cock. Out of pure curtesy, I packed it away. Then I returned my attention to Anna. “Alright, Anna, what’s going on here?”

Anna launched into a startling tale about what brought her to me. As she spoke I became lost in her wanton beauty. She got up from her chair and walked about the room as she relayed her story, presumably to make it more dramatic and demonstrative. I got a full-on view of her body, and it was fantastic!!

She stands 5’10’’ and weighs 105 lbs. She is lithe. She was showing it off too, wearing a black, silk dress that landed just about her ankles. The top was low-cut, betraying just a bit of cleavage from her C-cup wineglass titties. She was not wearing a bra. Anna never wears a bra. Her nips were perfectly outlined through the silk. In fact, I think her nips were hard. It was probably something she did on purpose in an attempt to influence me. It was working.

Anna’s ass was perfect. It was not at all fat, but round enough not to be skinny. It was a fit figure skater’s ass. As she walked, I could see a tiny bit of jiggle emanating from her ass flesh, and then reverberated in the silky black dress she wore. My cock began growing hard again.

Her face was beautiful. Think Scarlett Johanson and Phoebe Cates rolled into one. But any sweetness this may evoke is quickly dispelled by Anna’s throaty voice with its thick Russian accent. I have known Anna for 20 years. Yet, she still does not look a day over 25. Jesus Christ!!! If ever there was a chick to die for ….. If I was one to delve into the belief of the paranormal, then I may conclude that Anna made a deal with the devil. But, I am not such a person.
And literally, Anna Conda is a chick to die for. She is deadly as fuck. She will kill you in a split second without a thought just because she does not like the shirt you are wearing. She can do it too. She is always armed and she knows how to use her weapons. Moreover, she is a total psychopath. This makes her doubly dangerous.

Anna and I have always gotten along for the most part. Like Anna, the dollar is my primary motivating factor. Such a mindset allows for understanding and predictability among people, which are elements that are sorely missing in many business dealings today that go on in the color of darkness.

Suddenly, Anna snapped me out of my thoughts. “Here’s your gun, Rod. Now let’s get started”, said Anna. She and Sergio were halfway through the door exiting Lou’s office when I said, “Hey, wait a damned minute!!! What are you talking about?!?”

They both stopped, and Anna walked back in and looked me in the eyes, saying “The plan, Rod. Let’s get on with the plan.” A little embarrassed, I sheepishly asked, “What plan?” Anna folded her arms and looked cross at me. After a moment to allow me to simmer in my shame, she asked, “You were not paying attention, were you, Rod?” I shook my head and looked down.

I heard a hammer cock. I jerked my head back up to find myself staring down the barrel of a pistol pointed at my head that Anna was holding. I protested, “Look, it is not my fucking fault!! Put that fucking gun down!!!” I continued, “You were distracting me with …. Well.. you know, how you are dressed, and that hot, sultry voice…. You know?”

“So, instead of paying attention to the plan, you chose to eye-rape me. Is that what I am to understand your position is, Rod?”, she asked. Knowing that my life was on the line, I said, “Anna, look, you know I am horny to a fault. Then you come in here, swinging them tits around, wearing that silk dress showing off the crack of your ass…. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT TO HAPPENED?”

Anna lowered her gun. She knew that my explanation of being a total cocksman was truth. “Let’s go”, Anna curtly said. I obeyed.

Anna explained the plan to me again on the drive from The Plump Rump. She made me wear a blindfold so that I would not get horny during her explanation. Here is how it went:

Anna Conda was now working for the Russians. It seems that Putin caught wind of the Sasquatch project that the Chinese were working on. He also knew that the American government have been fucking with sasquatch for decades. Thus, he was very concerned about the existence of a bigfoot gap. He ordered the acquisition of a Sasquatch specimen immediately.

Moreover, said specimen must be prime. It needed to be the biggest, baddest sasquatch of them all – a true alpha – so as to speed things along. Putin did not want some weird shit-creature, is-it-a-sasquatch-or-is-it-a-dogman, kind of monstrosity. He wanted purebred, badass sasquatchery, and preferably from the American Pacific northwest.

Anna got in on it because she sold the intel to Putin about China’s Sasquatch operation. She then told Putin she could produce sasquatch corpses for him. She told him she had a contact (i.e., me). Thus, with Putin’s blessing and promises of riches to come, Anna set out to America to find me.

Now, here is where things got a bit squirrely. See, I agreed to procure some more dead sasquatch. I have no problem with killing sasquatch because, in my opinion, they are an abomination on this Earth. I kind of feel like I am doing God’s work by wiping out as many of them as I can. And given all the not-so-Godly stuff I have done, I feel like killing Sasquatch kind of offsets that to some degree.

But Anna, she was stuck on Putin’s instruction that she must supply him with apex Sasquatch. So she did not want to take my advice of heading to the Pacific Northwest or Alaska. Instead, Anna claimed to have pinpointed the whereabouts of a particularly gruesome sasquatch beast that she KNEW would win her a fortune from Putin if she brought it to him.

“So, where is this beast?”, I asked. Anna replied “Martha’s Vineyard”. I paused. Then I asked her to repeat herself. It turns out that I was not mistaken about what Anna had said. I continued, “Uh, Anna, there are no sasquatch on Martha’s Vineyard, just a lot of wealth New Englander schmucks.”

Anna looked at me and told me I was wrong. Then she decided to attempt to taunt me. “Oh, Rod, mighty slayer of Bigfoot! Yet, you fail to take notice of where the biggest, most foul and rotten beast of them all makes its home. Jesus, Rod!! What kind of bigfoot hunter are you, anyway?” Anna then spit at my feet and wondered aloud whether she even needs me for this job.

I decided that I needed to straighten out the hierarchy here in order for this here deal to move forward. I said, “Well, Anna, feel free to truck on over to Old Whitey Beach and battle that beast. But, if there is a big old mangy sasquatch lurking around over there, then it is probably a fucking Nazi-Squatch. You know, those fuckers out there hate the Jews.”

The work “Nazi” visibly shook Anna. Her great grandfather died defending Leningrad. Her entire family there died of either starvation or cannibalism during Hitler’s siege during Operation Barbarossa. Anna despised Nazis. But she feared them too. After landing that punch, I decided to push my luck.

“Now, I am still willing to help you catch this here Nazi-Squatch, but you have to do something for me”, I said. Now Anna’s eyes were on me, and they were narrowing. I continued, “I want you to get bare assed naked and pleasure yourself while I stand over you and jack it.” Anna stared at me silently for a long moment. Then she replied.

“After the job is done, and you can get none of your … fluids… on me”, she said. I shook my head and countered, “Now, and I will ‘try’ to not get my spunk on you.”

However, Anna then turned the tables on me. In fact, she picked up the table and bashed my head in with it. She looked me in my eyes, then matter-of-factly said, “You get the beast, and your prize shall be a night with me, anything goes, darling.” Well, since this caused all of the blood to immediately drain from my brain, I had a lapse in judgment. “DEAL!!”, I said. Then we shook on it.

“OK, tell me more about this supposed monster sasquatch on Martha’s Vineyard”, I said. I still was not ready to believe there was a monster out there. “I show you photo”, said Anna. She took out her phone, scrolled to find the photo, then handed the phone to me. “There. Sasquatch”, she said.

I stared at the photo and remained silent. After a long moment, I turned the phone so that Anna could see the photo and asked, “Uh, Anna, is THIS what you intended to show me?” She replied. “Yes! There…Sasquatch! The biggest, grossest monster around.”

Now, I could not argue with Anna that the image on her phone is a big, gross monster. Hell, it could actually be a sasquatch, and THE UBER sasquatch. It is most certainly the grossest thing on Martha’s Vinyard. But I somehow do not think this is what Putin is expecting.

I turned to Anna and said, “Anna, this is a photo of Michelle Obama. I know it looks vile, and has a huge, hulking body with large appendages where a woman should not have them. But, sweatheart, that ain’t no sasquatch. That’s a big, hairy Chicago street negro.”

Anna did not believe me at first. She was hard in her conviction that Obama was a sasquatch. “I have seen the Sasquatch beast you deliver to me for China. This … Michelle Obama …. It is big, and hairy, and ugly like the sasquatch beast, but worse.”

When the truth finally set it, I could see that it had kind of broken down poor Anna, if only just a bit. I put my arm around Anna and told her, “Look, Michelle O fooled you. Hell, she and her Hamas Hubby fooled millions of Americans, twice! At least you saw Michelle for what she is, to wit: a big, gross sasquatch, and NOT some kind a retarded leftist messiah.”

After that, things took a rather dark turn. “What if we still take her to Putin? We can make deal; sell her to Putin!!” At this point I held up my hands and said, “I’m out”, then turned and walked away. Anna followed, trying to get me to stay. At this point, I could tell that Anna was coming undone a little.

See, she had to produce for Putin. There is no telling what kind of secret deal she actually had with him. She had to deliver a big old mangy Obama …. Er, uh, I mean … Sasquatch, to Putin.

“Ok, Rod, we do your plan. We go out west to kill bigfoot. Huge, monster bigfoot. she said. I turned and looked Anna in her eyes and said the following: First, we bang for 48 hours straight, right now, so I can get my fill of you. Second, you pay me $10,000.00 cash upfront. Third, upon delivery of the dead bigfoot, you pay me $1 million immediately.”

Anna agreed to everything, but noted that at the present time it was her “time of the month”. I grimaced, as I will absolutely not go there (and she knows that). “Fine, next week we bang”, I said. She pointed out that I would be in the woods next week hunting sasquatch. “Fine, once I come out of the woods, then we bang – 48 hours straight”, I said. “Of course, darling!”, she agreed.

Well, it took several days to set up the hunt, but it finally happened. I was in Washington state at high elevation based on intel I has acquired that indicated that there was a monstrous 15’ tall sasquatch on the mountain range that had been murdering and eating hunters and hikers. After 3 months in these mountains without a trace of the creature I began to lose hope, thinking that I probably got some bad intel, or bad coordinates.

I got my satellite phone out to call for an extraction. Winter was setting in fast, and if I did not get off this mountain soon, then I would freeze and/or starve to death. Unfortunately, my contact did not answer. I tried for 2 days. No answer. I had been fucked. I wondered what had happened back in civilization that caused me to be abandoned like this. I resolved that I would get off that mountain and get to the bottom of this shit. There would be hell to pay for this betrayal!!’

I was able to get in touch with contacts from back home. I got old Billy Ray from Ellijay and Rattler on the phone and got them to come out here to Washington State to extract me. Rattler use to fly helicopters in the Army. He has an old Huey sitting in his front yard, to the chagrin of his HOA. He fired that sucker up, and him and old Billy Ray flew out here to my coordinates and extracted me.

After landing at a convenience store to buy some beer for the flight home, we headed east. Through the skies a way, Billy Ray said, “Well, Rod, I guess you is bout ready to git back home to Georgia, eh?” In fact, I was ready to go home. But I had to take care of some business first. I told them both to take me to New York City. They were both perplexed. All I said to them was “I have an old friend there I have to see before I can go home.”

I have intel on where Anna Conda stays when she is in the United States. She stays at certain hotels depending on what month she is here, and whether her check-in date is an odd or even number. This is for undercover work. I came across the code for her stays while doing the sasquatch work for China. She an I were caught in a snowstorm one night in Buffalo, NY, and had to share a room at the Holiday Inn near the airport. We had like 10 big Igloo ice chests with iced down sasquatch body parts with us in the room.

Anna was like, “No hanky panky, Rod. I am tired and I want to go to bed. Tomorrow we finish business.”

Frankly, I did not blame her for withholding her magnificent muff from me. I was tired as hell. But, I could not settle for nothing. So, when Anna was in the bathroom taking a shower, I started going through her suit case. I wanted to find some of her panties to jack off into. Instead, I found a little black notebook. Inside it contained her lodging codes, and some other interesting things. I photographed the contents with my phone and then put it back.

When Anna got out of the shower she was already dressed in her night clothes. She saw me lying on my back, nude on the bed, and jacking it. “Rod!! GROSS!!!! Go to the restroom to do that shit!!!”, she commanded. I just did it to get a rise out of her. LOL!!

So, if Anna is still inside the U.S., then using the codes I stole from her I can locate precisely where she will be that night. I studied it for a few moments then had my answer. Tonight she would be staying at the Dogman Inn on Hwy 95 South, Room 355. I told Rattler to get me there stat!

We had to stop several times for fuel and beer. Those Hueys go just a bit over a hundred MPH, you know. But eventually, we got there. I gave the boys some money and told them to go to the Waffle House for some coffee to sober up. Then they would fly me home.

I should mention that I also had Rattler’s fully auto Russian AK-74 with spare mags. During the long flight with 2 drunks from Washington State to New York City, I had worked myself up into a towering rage over how Anna fucked me on this Putin deal. She had clearly thrown me aside. But for what, exactly? I figured I would storm the hotel room, get some answers, then shower the room with gun fire.

I busted through the door of Room 355 at exactly 3:35 a.m. There she was. My entry roused her from slumber. I was pointing my rifle at her, center mass. She was shocked at the appearance of a gunman in her room at this time of night. However, she was not as shocked as one would think (this was not the first time something like this has happened to her).

I raised my face from the receiver just enough so she could see it was me. “Rod!!!”, she exclaimed. “What happened to you?!?!? I thought you had died up in those mountains when we never hear from you!” I replied, “Shove it up that cute little ass of yours, Anna. You fucked me. And not in the good way. What the fuck was all that shit about needing a sasquatch for Putin?!?”

Anna played dumb. But it struck me that I had been deliberately put out of the loop for 3 months. Why? Who wanted me away for that long, and why? What went on in my absence?!? I was just dying to know!!! I set my rifle down and pulled out my fixed blade knife, ready to get down to some real nasty work on Anna so I could get some truth. The pure evil of what I was about to do to her caused a wide death grin to grow on my face. Anna saw it. She knew what it meant. She swallowed hard and her eyes betrayed the shear terror she felt inside. I was engorged with blood lust. She knew she had fucked up one time too many this time!!

Suddenly came the sound of the toilet in the bathroom flushing. I was momentarily shocked. I did not expect anyone else to be there with Anna. Anna saw it in my face. I glanced at her and saw that the terror in her face was replaced with pleasure, a slight smile creeping over her face.

I was going to have to face off against this person in the bathroom, who would be out in a split moment. When I do that, I will have to turn 180 degrees from Anna, thereby making me vulnerable to her. I had only once choice: Shoot Anna first.

Just as this came to me, but just before I could act on it, the bathroom door opened. I had to deal with that person before Anna now. I spun around to see that it was a completely nude, and fat, white man. He was a real oafish blob. He looked surprised to see me. He also looked sort of familiar.

I next heard the crack of something hitting my skull hard. I remember the immediate hateful pain that shot through my body and the sound of blood rushing through my ears. I remember the dizziness, then falling to the floor. Clearly, as I fixed on the man from the bathroom, Anna had cracked me over the head with a blunt object.

I came to the next morning, Billy Ray and Rattler had manage to track me down based upon coordinates I left in the chopper that said “IN CASE OF EMERGENCY”. Billy Ray filled up the hotel room ice bucket with cold water and doused my head with it to bring me conscious. I was disoriented at first. But after a bit, what happened in this room the night before came back to me.

Honestly, I am surprised that Anna did not just kill me. I presume that she thinks she can leverage her drop-dead hotness to get me to do more shit for her in the future. She is absolutely right about that too. Rattler then said, “Hey, Rod, that snake bitch left a letter fer ya.”

He handed me the letter. This is what it said:
____________________________________________

“Dear Rod:

Sorry about the boo boo on your head. Hope it heals soon. Also sorry about leaving you in the mountains. I was not running a scam on you Rod. Rather, an opportunity arose for me to acquire a sasquatch body from another person. You may know him since you are a sasquatch hunter. His name is Matt Moneymaker. Anyway, until next time…..

Yours truly,
Anna Conda”
_____________________________________________
I could not fucking believe it. That was fatfuck Moneymaker in the hotel room earlier. Anna fucked Matt Fatfuck Moneymaker for a Sasquatch! That fat son of bitch!!

Billy Ray asked, “You ready to go Rod?” I stood up and said, “Yeah, let’s go.” Then Rattler said, “Hey, ya wanna stop and git some beer fer the ride home?” I replied “Hell yeah.”

I felt like I wanted to die. Thank God for beer and buddies. I don’t blame Anna. She is a fucking snake, and I knew that before this started. Also, I cannot really blame fatfuck Moneymaker for wanting to get some of that hot poon pie Anna serves up. I guess I have to blame fate for fucking me over this time. I even started thinking that next time I will just avoid Anna. But I know I won’t, thus making me subject to this sort of shit again. I had Rattler set us down in Charlottesville so I could buy some hard liquor.

Alcohol-related blackouts are gaps in a person's memory for events that occurred while they were intoxicated. These gaps happen when a person drinks enough alcohol to temporarily block the transfer of memories from short-term to long-term storage—known as memory consolidation—in a brain area called the hippocampus. It is a reaction due to the poison in one's system and it is not "mental illness-related". Although, I would like to find out all the differences "between "it and psychosis"".
I agree with this answer that someone else wrote on Quora:
No. An alcoholic blackout is intentionally poisoning yourself, until your brain does not form memories. Your judgement might be flawed, and your inhibitions might be diminished, but being intoxicated doesn't take away your ability to perceive reality, just your ability to remember those perceptions.
Back in 2016 Austin Harrouff killed two people and injured a third. When police found him he was savaging one of his victims faces, chewing it off. Officers were afraid to shoot him as he was moving the two of them around while straddling the man. The deputies tased him to no effect and the male officer kicked him repeatedly in the head, but he immediately returned to his attack ignoring the officers.
It took canine units and human officers restraining him to get him off the body. Immediately assuming some sort of intoxicant the police had medical personnel take a blood sample, and there was nothing. He had a history of drinking and drug use, but nothing in his system at the time he killed.
The victims’ family (they were husband and wife relaxing in their open garage on an early evening) pointed at his previous drug and alcohol use as a reason to ignore his insanity plea, saying he was a cold blooded murderer, but the psychiatric experts on both sides agree it was a psychotic break, and his past use of substances was possibly an attempt at self medication.
In interviews it was revealed he had thought the woman he killed was a witch who had summoned him to her garage and he killed her to break the spell. When her husband attempted to stop the attack on his his wife, Austin thought he was a monster she'd summoned to protect herself. One of their neighbors heard the screaming and went to help, saw the attack in progress and got stabbed for his trouble, but otherwise ignored, he called the police thankfully surviving.
THAT was a psychotic break. He did perceive the people, but the reality of the situation, a married couple hanging out in the garage they'd turned into a neighborhood hang out spot, became a witch and her monstrous servant using her powers to summon him there to do him harm, so he defended himself. A severe disconnect from reality.
An alcoholic blackout, on the other hand, just means that you have overwhelmed the part of your brain that forms short term memories. The people who know you won't think you are acting any differently than any other time you've been drunk around them. You may not remember how you broke your nose, but you didn't think the jerk who you fought after he got in your face was anything more than a jerk who got in your face. You just don't remember any of it.
The final part of the issue is the source of the intoxication. Some chemicals CAN have the effect of a temporary psychotic break (be those drugs or otherwise). If you intentionally ingested those things, you are responsible for your actions, if you were poisoned by an external source you are not.
If someone else spikes your drink with something without your knowledge, you are not responsible for the actions that result. However, if you spike your own drink you are.

Alcohol-related blackouts are gaps in a person's memory for events that occurred while they were intoxicated. These gaps happen when a person drinks enough alcohol to temporarily block the transfer of memories from short-term to long-term storage—known as memory consolidation—in a brain area called the hippocampus. It is a reaction due to the poison in one's system and it is not "mental illness-related". Although, I would like to find out all the differences "between "it and psychosis"".
I agree with this answer that someone else wrote on Quora:
No. An alcoholic blackout is intentionally poisoning yourself, until your brain does not form memories. Your judgement might be flawed, and your inhibitions might be diminished, but being intoxicated doesn't take away your ability to perceive reality, just your ability to remember those perceptions.
Back in 2016 Austin Harrouff killed two people and injured a third. When police found him he was savaging one of his victims faces, chewing it off. Officers were afraid to shoot him as he was moving the two of them around while straddling the man. The deputies tased him to no effect and the male officer kicked him repeatedly in the head, but he immediately returned to his attack ignoring the officers.
It took canine units and human officers restraining him to get him off the body. Immediately assuming some sort of intoxicant the police had medical personnel take a blood sample, and there was nothing. He had a history of drinking and drug use, but nothing in his system at the time he killed.
The victims’ family (they were husband and wife relaxing in their open garage on an early evening) pointed at his previous drug and alcohol use as a reason to ignore his insanity plea, saying he was a cold blooded murderer, but the psychiatric experts on both sides agree it was a psychotic break, and his past use of substances was possibly an attempt at self medication.
In interviews it was revealed he had thought the woman he killed was a witch who had summoned him to her garage and he killed her to break the spell. When her husband attempted to stop the attack on his his wife, Austin thought he was a monster she'd summoned to protect herself. One of their neighbors heard the screaming and went to help, saw the attack in progress and got stabbed for his trouble, but otherwise ignored, he called the police thankfully surviving.
THAT was a psychotic break. He did perceive the people, but the reality of the situation, a married couple hanging out in the garage they'd turned into a neighborhood hang out spot, became a witch and her monstrous servant using her powers to summon him there to do him harm, so he defended himself. A severe disconnect from reality.
An alcoholic blackout, on the other hand, just means that you have overwhelmed the part of your brain that forms short term memories. The people who know you won't think you are acting any differently than any other time you've been drunk around them. You may not remember how you broke your nose, but you didn't think the jerk who you fought after he got in your face was anything more than a jerk who got in your face. You just don't remember any of it.
The final part of the issue is the source of the intoxication. Some chemicals CAN have the effect of a temporary psychotic break (be those drugs or otherwise). If you intentionally ingested those things, you are responsible for your actions, if you were poisoned by an external source you are not.
If someone else spikes your drink with something without your knowledge, you are not responsible for the actions that result. However, if you spike your own drink you are.

I’ve shared my story on how I started, ran for 10 years, and remotely sold my 3dp business HERE.
Now I would like to speculate on How I would start it if I had to do it again. Why? 2 reasons:

1. When it was time to sell, I discovered, that the most valuable assets of my business were NOT the printers or production base and that I could've significantly grown and therefore increased business value if I did certain things a certain way.

Knowing that and other things - I would've tried to do "the right things" from the beginning, and I hope it would help those who are thinking about or starting it right now.
I concentrate on the business side since the 3dp business is first of all a business, and I go through with it as I would’ve done it (not just some average avatar model).
This article doesn’t cover everything and simplifies some parts, but I tried to make it as real and in-depth as possible since the devil is in the details.

1. I am starting new business projects right now, and the path I am taking is almost the same (minus printers basically) path;

Vision

First I need to ask myself: what kind of 3dp business would I like to start? It may be hard to answer right at the start, but I do know 4 things:

1. I want it to be service-based (at least in the beginning, then I may consider a hybrid: service+product model);
2. I want it to be B2B (higher check, less transactional costs);
3. I want to gravitate towards big/complicated models;
4. I will offer some post-processing (get hand dirty, mot many others willing to do that);

Here I may also need to identify, who my target audience is. But It is hard, and may sometimes be harmful in the beginning, so I will stick with 4 general assumptions listed above, and see where keywords lead me.
But I will revisit this very important question (let's call it a “vision”) as soon as I have a meaningful chunk of data and experience.

Research

Then I will conduct research.
For that, I need to pick a place (3dp business is place-bound to a certain degree). Let's say a city - Austin - TX.
Note here - the bigger city, the better.
Now I need 3 lists:

1. First is a List of keywords with average monthly searches and cost of clicks for different areas:
   
   1. Austin;
   2. Other big cities nearby;
   3. State of Texas;
   4. Nearby states;
   5. The whole of the US.

One tab for each. You can pick as many areas as you see fit, and the logic behind it is that you want to know the demand in places you may be able to serve.
I need general high-frequency keywords as well as Google suggestions and low-frequency keywords. The broader the scope, the better. There is a free tool called Keyword Planner (it also provides a click cost estimation for Google ads) inside a Google Ads account. If you don’t use Google ads, you can pick any keyword search tool out there.
Now I need to sort it, vet out unneeded ones, and separate them into groups based on intent (informational or commercial). I will also create a list of “minus” words (will use them later).
When it is all done, I need to assemble a “core”: a few groups of keywords united by intention.
If I don’t use keys/groups for commercial purposes, I may use them for info articles (SEO). The most visited (by a long shot) page on the site, which I sold as a part of the business was “The History of 3d printing”.
📜 Research should also include many other “places”, basically one should identify where potential customers hang out, what they need (their problems), and how one can reach them, and as a result will have some potential acquisition channels, and a list of “problems” to form an offer with.
I will only cover the fastest and the one I know best - Google ads (+ a bit of SEO for the long game). This channel corresponds rather well, with my understanding, of where my “target audience” may be (more on that below).

1. Second is a List of competitors. I will only need ones’ that will compete with me for my target demographic. Specifically, I would like to know:
   
   1. Domain name;
   2. Their offer (range of services, materials, unique propositions);
   3. Their main (and all significant pages) Title, H1, description, “subtitle”, unique selling propositions, and maybe a screenshot of HERO;
   4. Their CTAs (calls to action - do they use online calculators, contact form…).

The list can go on, but those are the most important (probably), the logic behind it - I want to know what has been offered so far, compare it to the demand from list 1, and identify where I can “squeeze in”.

1. Third list - competitor’s prices. Based on my initial ”vision” (what/for whom I will try to do) I prepare a couple of inquiries, which I send to competitors to quote.

I would like to know:

• Price;
• Fulfillment time;
• Conditions;
• How competitors interact with prospects.

Inquiries may be:

1. A somewhat complicated “technical” model of a middle size;
2. Small-to-mid batch of parts (up to 100-300);
3. A somewhat big (that will probably require printing in parts and assembly) model + separately I would inquire about painting;

As a result, I understand how I may price my services. I prefer to start somewhere in the lower middle of a price range and slowly go up.
I know what I won't do - I won't try to go for the cheapest price - it is a road to nowhere. I may go for it once or twice to snatch an order, which will be beneficial to my portfolio, but that is it!
Now I also understand how my competitors interact with their customers and what I can offer in this regard.

Plan

With that data gathered I am now ready to compose a “business plan” /set up business goals for 1-3 years, and lay out a tactical (more detailed) plan for a quarter or so.
Usually, the latter shall be detailed like: I need to reach X revenue/per day, to get Y rev per month, and for that, I will need Z inquiries and so on... But as I am just starting, it may not make a lot of sense, since there are no "base" numbers. But I will use that type of planning as soon as I have those numbers (after 6-12 months).
I also will align the plan with my vision, and maybe add some details to it, based on the data I’ve gathered.
I will have a somewhat united note/doc with actionable tasks, equipped with due dates (those are very important), and an overall plan.
I like to unify all of the above (lists, vision, tasks…) as a project in a project management software (later about that). Much easier to manage and keep track of.

Offer and Site creation

Now I can form my offer.
This offer will be presented on my site, in my ads, and everywhere else.
I need to describe CLEARLY what do I do exactly, for whom, and why those people should take their business to me (competitive advantages).
I pick a name, and domain name and make a logo. I keep in mind that they are a part of the offer (everything is), and I keep them as short, direct, and close to the point as possible. I squeeze a relevant keyword in if I can.
Before I decide I type the name into the search and see what pops up (don’t skip that part).
Now I can make a site. I pick one of the No-code options to create it myself or delegate it. Keep in mind that you will need to correct and change the site: an offer (text. headings), portfolio, blog (for SEO purposes), services, etc. The no-code solution will allow you to do that yourself.
It will be a landing page (in the beginning), and it will include:

• Title (shown as a first string in search);
• Description (shown as a second string in the search);

HERO SECTION (first screen basically - 80% of people won’t go below it)

• H1 (main “title” shown on the top of the page)
• Subtitle (text below the H1, usually supports the H1 and includes unique selling points);
• Clear CTA (Call to action);
• Foto or video of what I’ve done (the visual representation of services works really well);
• Unique selling points (not included in the subtitle, or supporting/elaborating on them);

END OF THE HERO SECTION

• Unique selling points;
• All other headers;
• All other text;
• Examples (what I’ve done) and/or testimonials - if I truly just starting I may need to make some examples of objects I would like to make (as close to desired nich as possible) and take GOOD photos of them (It can be powerful, that is what I did and people told me many times, that they “came” because of “beautiful” thing that we’ve done (“beautiful” is mostly attribute off a picture, then a thing);
• FAQ (those shall be questions that your customers ask you the most, I mean REAL questions - they work rather well as objection handlers);
• Clear CTA (Call to action);

As there is just one page, it should target the most relevant oand big commercial keyword group.
The “art” of creating a Title, H1, and the rest of the text, headings, and attributes is a delicate dance between the need to be different from competitors, the need to incorporate the right keywords, basic SEO guidelines, and most importantly - to present a compelling offer.
📜 An important thing to keep in mind - your first screen should tell, straight and clearly - what services you provide, for whom, and why a visitor should click your CTA, or continue reading.
Last thing - make sure that it looks fine and loads quickly on mobile. More than half of the traffic will be from there.
Research says, that If it loads more than 3 seconds - more than 70% of people bounce.
Check your speed here - https://pagespeed.web.dev/
There is A LOT more to that, but it is beyond the scope of this article.

Traffic: Ads and SEO

Now I need traffic:
Google ads. As I just starting, I need to be as targeted as possible. So I will:

• Vet keywords carefully, avoid high-frequency ones, and compose them into groups.
• Start with one or two groups, with a limited number of keywords with clear commercial intent.
• Limit the location to the city I am in.
• Add a minus keywords list. If a search query includes one of the words from the list (like FREE, or CHEAP) - ads won't be shown.

Google pushes everyone really hard to use responsive search ads + broad match + AI-suggested keywords (performance MAX they call it), but I won't.
Why?

1. It will greatly disperse the focus, and therefore results of my campaign.
2. It is still not working properly, especially for small and/or “complicated” niches. In other words, it will waste my money, (relocate it to Google), without bringing back results (or at least as many).

And I don't want that.
I will use exact match, fix (pin) headings and descriptions, and practically make "an old school" text ad from a responsive search ad. I will have to do different ads for different keywords (if the keyword or phrase is matched in the title, conversion is higher); Yes, it will be more work, but results will be better, and controllable.
Just how I like them.
Now I will compose my "SEO plan", I will:

• Plan to add new "commercial" pages to the site (one page per meaningful keyword group) as I go.
• Create a schedule: after the main page is up, I will try to “deploy” them in 2-4 week intervals, starting with the most meaningful/impactful.
• Make Google index it through its search console after the first publishable version of the site is done. I will repeat the operation with every meaningful page I add, including info SEO pages (below).
• Form a few groups from keywords with informational intent, vet groups that align with my direction, and plan an article for each vetted group - a separate page on the site with a personal set of SEO attributes.
• Publish them with the same or longer intervals as for the "commercial" pages.
• Try to make those articles as valuable for the reader as possible. Everything I do shall be client-oriented (bring value), and user behavior is more and more important for SEO.

This “article” is an example of such a page.
I won't cover social media here, since its plenty of info on that topic.
From my experience, if I plan (and I do) to offer 3d printing services to businesses (B2B), social media (with the exception of LinkedIn maybe, not sure nowadays what is what) is not exactly a place for “fishing” (I might be wrong).

Legal+

Moving along to the legal land.
I will not go deep into the business structure (LLCs or sole proprietorships), just say that you need one. Figure out what works best in your case, but note: if you are planning (envisioning) to sell your business one day (or a part of it) - you will need it to be at least an LLC.
This structure (as stated in the name), also limits your liability, which is not a bad thing. One more thing that does that, and at times viewed as a formality - is a contract.
I’ve learned to appreciate contracts and pay attention to their "design". The contract sets expectations, protects both you and your client, and serves as an extension to your offer - a clear, correct, and honest contract, that picks up on promises you’ve made will reassure your client that you are a trustworthy professional.
Create a clear, correct contract template (or templates), seek professional help/advice if needed, and try not to overcomplicate it (easier-smaller the better).
📜 Before the contract, expectations are set during all interactions with a client: nuances, limitations, examples, samples, etc. As the number of interactions with clients starts to grow you will notice repetitive patterns in questions and answers. Create a base with answer templates - those saved me a ton of time and improved the quality of my communication.

3d printers and a space (finally here they are)

Well, and yeah, I need 3d printers to start a 3d printing business.
If you plan to start such a business, you may already have some, and/or possess the needed knowledge in the matter, but I still going to say a few things. No specific models, or vendors though, since there is a lot of printer-related content out there, and the scene is rapidly (wink) changing.
I would try to pick one type of printer (or at least a vendor) and stick to it. Benefits:

• Somewhat stable overall quality;
• Same spare parts;
• Same repair and maintenance routine;
• Same working protocols;
• Same slicing…

I also will (at least in the beginning) look for stable machines, that would not require a ton of maintenance.
Note here: your choice shall also be based on your perceived goal (niche you want to end up with/customers you want to serve), and you may need different types of printers for that.
Depending on my situation, I may not need an office/working space right from the start (at least not until the idea has been validated). If I do, I would get something with a space to grow (aligned with my plan/goals), but I would try not to jump over my head with it.

One software to control it all

There is one more thing that I will need right from the start (because I don’t want to replicate my own mistakes) - a software suite to manage the business. Getting it from the start will provide the most leverage and set me up on the right path.
I will need:

• CRM - all work with a client: pricing, offers, deals, followups, deadlines, docs… +
• ERP - control and management of all resources: materials, printers, team… +
• Production scheduling +
• Maintenance, Repairs, Spare parts, and materials control +
• Team + Docs + Files storage + Contractors + Spending + everything else.

I couldn't find one that incorporates all of it, so I’ve made my own (there is a Free version, try it out, let me know what you think).
Management software and CRM might not be obvious must-haves, but they are if I want to make it into a controllable and growing business (and I do).
There is no other way, look at any business that made it - they all without exception use such systems.
One more thing - all business decisions shall be based on data: how would I know, for example, if my ads campaign is making (and how much) or losing money, without knowing what my average check, margin, or LTV is for any type of service for a needed time period?

Summary and Q&A

There is a lot more to that, but it is already too long.
So I’ve got:

1. List of keywords;
2. List of competitors;
3. Price research (and base price level as a result);
4. A plan;
5. An offer;
6. Name and logo;
7. Website (with offer and good photos of done jobs on it);
8. Google ads campaign (or other acquisition channel, start from one you know best/where your customers are);
9. SEO plan;
10. Legal entity;
11. Contract templates;
12. “Sales templates” base (those collected on the go, but you may already have something since you talked to people before);
13. Printers;
14. Some physical space;
15. Management system/software (like this one)

3 BONUS reminders for myself:

• To get paid in advance. ALWAYS, at least partially;
• To do extra for customers. If I can, when I can;
• To be patient- business is a marathon, not a sprint;

Some Q&A:

• Is the 3d printing business a good business to start?

It is not a get-rich-quick scheme, and it is not particularly easy, but all things that are worth doing are hard (that is what they say).
If you like it/are passionate about it/good at it (the most important factor in my opinion.) - it certainly might be.
I’ve planned to go with the B2B service model (on-demand manufacturing), and that trend will only grow over time.
Since we talked about the US, let's take a look at this article and specifically the chart of Construction spending on US manufacturing https://www.businessinsider.com/us-building-factories-census-data-chips-act-inflation-reduction-act-2023-6?op=1 + big new “infrastructure rebuild projects” might be somewhere around the corner.
What does it all have to do with a small 3dp service? The economy is an interconnected system. All of those “big projects” will require a lot of smaller contractors/suppliers, and they will need smaller ones…and that is where I come in.

• Why the service model?

2 reasons:

1. I know how to do it (done it for 10 years), the data above backs the idea up, and I still see a lot of upsides and opportunities there (aside from the data).
2. It is a lot easier to “search” for product ideas - they come to you (for that you will have to have a B2C “department” though). I’ve recently talked to a few 3dp business owners (and read a few stories over the years), and almost all of them had their product ideas brought to them by clients.

• Is it profitable?

If you create a system (management software can help with that) with processes in place, create and maintain customer acquisition channels, and price correctly - it will be.
I hope you got some value out of it.
Thanks for reading.

For those who are unaware, there was a very recent change (January 1, 2024) in the residency requirements for foreign Taiwanese nationals - people with Taiwanese parent(s). For these people, Taiwan has what is called a National Without Household Registration (NWOHR) Passport. It is green and looks like a normal Taiwan passport, but it doesn’t convey full citizenship rights as it didn’t include residency and household registration. (I posted mine here in the passport sub).
Prior to this year, in order for someone with a NWOHR passport to qualify as a full citizen, they had to first live in Taiwan for 366 days in a row without leaving the country (there were some other options that allowed you to leave for short times involving 2 and 5 years, but also quite impossible for most, unless you were in Covid lockdown or found a job in Taiwan.)
But earlier this year, Taiwan’s government removed this requirement for NWOHR passport holders who had at least one parent with household registration at the time of their birth. Hence, to get your own household residency and full citizenship, you no longer have to live in Taiwan for a year without leaving. You can just go to Taiwan, spend a few weeks there and complete the application process to obtain residency and a National ID, and become a full citizen of Taiwan. Taiwan will also allow you to keep your other citizenship (as long as they allow dual citizenship with Taiwan, which the U.S. does).
I kept really detailed notes and will post below some tips from my experience. The most important one is that what was formerly known as the TARC is now folded into the 定居證 (permanent resident certificate). So you just skip having to live in Taiwan for a year but provide almost the exact same documents as the old TARC for your 定居證.
There is a process listed here which says that you can start the permanent residency certificate from outside Taiwan to shorten your time in Taiwan by just exchanging your permit in 3 days. However, when I spoke to people at TECO a few months ago, and then more recently immigration in Taipei, they said I had to start the process in Taiwan. A friend’s parents in Taiwan also called immigration the other day and they told them the same thing. So not sure how one would go about the shortened process that is in on their website. But if anyone has successfully done the shortened process themselves, please post and let us know how you were able to get it done since it would cut the process by 1.5 weeks and help out a lot of folks who can’t spend 2-3 weeks in Taiwan.
This older post in this sub covers military conscription and also has many previous links about what to do if you are male and 18-36 written by FewSandwich6. (This was not applicable for me).
This very helpful post here contains a list of definitions for commonly used terms in Chinese and English that are often used in this process, written by HongKonger85. There is also an image of a 定居證 (Permanent Residency Certificate) after immigration has issued it to you, and this is what you need to swap for household registration (covered in Part 2 below).
My detailed notes for folks are as follows. Part 1 based on my experience getting my NWOHR passport, and Part 2 getting residency, my National ID, and full citizenship in Taiwan. Some info repeats what has already been mentioned in previous threads, with the difference being the new 2024 rule change. There are probably other ways to get this process done, but just sharing my own recent experience to help others looking to do this now.
In all, I am so glad I did this. I travel a lot to Taiwan to see friends and family but do not work there, so there were minor inconveniences in not having residency. My NWOHR passport was fairly useless in Taiwan, but once I got my 身分證, I can now do things like open a bank account, get a permanent cell phone number, qualify for health insurance (after waiting 6 months), and vote in Taiwan elections. I also have a second passport to travel with if there is a country more hostile to the U.S.. Doing this will also allow any future children of mine to qualify for Taiwanese citizenship if they choose to at some point in their lives. I could also consider retiring in Taiwan or taking a gap year from work in the U.S. and still have health insurance. The total costs from start to finish ran me about $550 (excluding the costs for my trip to Taiwan).
Happy to answer any questions for folks about the process. Cheers! Hopefully my notes below are helpful.
Please note that this was written in May 2024, so things may change over time. Also, there are parts where different forms, documents, or processes may be acceptable instead of what I did, so what I outline here might not be the only possible process.
********

Part 1. Getting the NWOHR Passport:

If you do not have any Taiwanese passport start here. If you already have the NWOHR passport then skip to Part 2 (converting the passport to residency under the new 2024 laws).
The first step is to get what they call a NWOHR (National Without Household Registration) passport. This part is actually not done in Taiwan at all, and are issued by what are de-facto embassies, which in the U.S. are called the Taiwan Economic and Cultural Office (TECO). There are 12 in the US and the U.S. National Office TECRO based in DC. (Other countries have a similar versions of this like the TRO in the UK).
I was told to use the TECO office closest to where you were born and/or where your parents were married. Luckily, this was the same office - the LA branch. If it happens that you were born closer to a different one than where your parents were married, call them and ask what they recommend. One reason for this is that it makes it easier to authenticate documents that the office is familiar with, which tend to be in the areas around it.
So what is authentication? This is a process that involves notarization where someone essentially authenticates your documents and verifies that they are real. For example, you bring a copy of your official birth certificate to TECO, then the TECO office will go through the process of contacting the relevant authorities where you were born to verify that this document is indeed real. Once TECO deems it authentic, they authenticate and notarize that document for you. You need to have this done for your passport application documents.
Here is what you need to submit to your local TECO for the NWOHR passport (these guidelines are from the TECO LA Office). TECO needs to first authenticate your birth certificate and parent’s marriage license. Then they use these for the NWOHR passport application. Documents cost $15 each to authenticate. The passport application for a 10-year passport is $45.
I highly advise you make an appointment with TECO. They even advise you to book two back-to-back appointments if you need both authentication and passport services done - which is what you need to do anyway. They cut off the number of walks ins per day (in LA it was 35 max walk ins).
The authentication of documents are usually done in a few weeks and your passport around 8-10 weeks. LA TECO gave me a pick up date and a receipt (save this to give them when you pick things up). If all goes well, you should have your NWOHR passport in about 2 months! If there are any issues, like inconsistent spelling of names between documents, and something is rejected, TECO will let you know and you will have to get the docs amended before your passport can be issued.
This whole process is done outside of Taiwan. Once you get your NWOHR passport, there is no time limit to complete Part 2 in Taiwan (though if your NWOHR passport expires after 10 years, you do need to renew it).
Congrats! You now have your NWOHR passport and can continue to Part 2 whenever you are ready.

Part 2. Getting household registration, your National ID with full citizenship rights, and converting your NWOHR Passport to a NWHR Passport to finish the process.

There are now two more things you need. A health check and an FBI background check (or other relevant agency of your country; apologies that this is U.S. focused). You will also need to figure out your household registration in Taiwan (more on that later). The FBI background check took about 4-6 weeks to get, and you need to have this authenticated and notarized by TECRO. This was done outside of Taiwan while I was still in the U.S. The FBI check result is valid for one year, while the health check is only valid for 3 months, so plan accordingly.
(I chose to get the health check later in Taiwan since I did not know how to go about getting an acceptable health check done in the U.S. and also did not want to bother having the results translated into Chinese. Doing it in Taiwan also ensured my health check wouldn’t be rejected, delaying my application.)
FBI Background Check
For the FBI check, there are two steps here and it’s kind of confusing.
The first is initiating an FBI background check for yourself through the online request form on the FBI site and getting a secure link and pin. (FBI emails this to you). Get your fingerprints done at a verified USPS, it's super quick and easy. Once your background check is complete and you get your electronic results, you forward that email with the PDF directly to TECRO. The website is not super clear so I emailed them for clarification and they wrote back to me more detailed instructions after I had received the completed PDF of my background check. What they said in their email:
***
For authentication of electronic FBI Report, there are 2 steps:
Step 1:
Please forward the digital FBI Report (.pdf format) and the email of pin number (under FBI email account) to our consular email at [consul.tecro@mofa.gov.tw](mailto:consul.tecro@mofa.gov.tw) directly.
Step 2:
Meanwhile, please prepare and mail the relevant documents listed below to our office for further proceeding:
* fill out the application form for authentication as attached
* a copy of the applicant's passport (including Taiwan passport if have)
* print out the FBI Report and the email of pin number for crossing reference
** For overseas Applicants:
* a US bank draft (美金匯票) $15 in Taiwan local banks with payable to TECRO
* a prepaid shipping label from FedEx or USL or DHL (for mailing the authenticated document back to you)
** For domestic Applicants:
* authentication fee: USD 15 (either money order or casher's check with payable to TECRO)
* a stamped self-addressed return envelope (to mail the authenticated documents back to you)
Also, please allow additional time for mail delivery. Thanks
***
In about 4 weeks or so, TECRO will mail you back a physical copy of your TECRO authenticated FBI background check using the self-addressed stamped envelope you sent them. Now that you have your FBI background check, you have one year to get your citizenship done in Taiwan before it expires.
Chinese Translation and Authentication/Notarization of your documents:
For this next part of the process, you need to get all your docs that were submitted for your NWOHR passport and the FBI background check translated and authenticated into Chinese. People on the internet mention that you can do this yourself. I recommend hiring professionals here who know what they are doing and also do the notarizing since you don’t want the translation of your documents to be rejected by immigration, wasting time and money. The docs also need to be formatted in a certain way. Given this, I went with a place in Taipei that charged about 6200 NT (~$200 US) for doing all my docs (background check, birth certificate, and parents marriage license, with notary). I used: 口藝國際有限公司(翻譯/公證代辦) and they took a little over a week to get these translated and notarized for me. (TECO actually told me to save money and do the translation in Taiwan, since places in the LA area were quoted as more, maybe in the $300-400 range, but if others have found cheaper US or Taiwan options please let us know who you used and how much they charged).
Plan a 2-3 week vacation in Taiwan (possibly with your parent(s) whose household registration you will be joining). 2 weeks if your health check is done already and all your docs are translated and notarized, 3 weeks if you need to do a health check in Taiwan. Less than a week might be possible but unclear if anyone has successfully done the 3-day exchange version mentioned here.
Enter Taiwan with your NWOHR passport on the Taiwan resident/citizen side and make sure to get your NWOHR passport physically stamped with your entry date.
Health Check in Taiwan
For my health check, I went to MacKay Memorial Hospital, 16th floor (No.92, Sec.2, Zhongshan N. Rd., Zhongshan Dist., Taipei City). I called all the Taipei hospitals on this approved list of health check hospitals, and MacKay was the shortest guaranteed turnaround at 7 days. Walk-ins only, no appointments, - 8am-11am, 1:30-4pm M-F, and Saturday but only in the morning. Exam fee was 2050 NT, an additional 750 NT if you need a booster shot. The turnaround was 1 week and there was no way to speed this up. Bring passport, face mask (maybe not required now), and money. You can use your U.S. passport for the application and might actually be easier as they don't need stool samples for U.S. applicants. They draw some blood and take a chest x-ray.
After getting all your documents translated and authenticated, the health check, and entering Taiwan on your NWOHR passport, you can begin the 3-step process of getting your full citizenship and new NWHR passport in this order:

1. 定居證 (permanent residency certificate) ->
2. 戶口名簿 (household registration) and 身分證 (National ID) ->
3. New NWHR Passport (and leaving Taiwan on it).

1) 定居證 (Permanent Residency Certificate)
For your 定居證 (permanent residency certificate), go to a National Immigration Agency office in Taiwan with all the necessary documents that have been authenticated and translated. (I used the one in Taipei on 15 Guangzhou Rd). Once you start this part, you cannot leave Taiwan until you get your new passport, and when you next leave Taiwan, you must do so on your new NWHR passport. In your application, you need to show that you have the ability to establish household residency (easier to do if joining your parents), along with the original and one set of copies of all of your translated/notarized documents and yours and your parents' Taiwan passports. They will also ask for a photocopy of the dated entry stamp in your NWOHR passport. You will also need pictures, and the basement of the Immigration Agency has a booth where you can get 6 photos for 120 NT. Those 6 pictures should be enough for the rest of the process - just keep them with you for each step.
The permanent residency certificate process takes 7 working days, so essentially 10 days. This is the longest part. If someone has successfully done the shorter 3 day exchange, please let us know how you did this, since it would likely help out a lot of people given that this was the longest part necessary in Taiwan.
2) 戶口名簿 (Household Registration) and 身分證 (National ID)
In 10 days, once you get your 定居證 permanent residency certificate, to get your household registration you must go to the household registration office in the district you plan to register in. The easiest is to have a parent add you to theirs, but their household registration has to be current and not expired for you to be able to do this, and best updated within the past 3 months (what TECO told us). If you can’t do this, then you need to register a household yourself using a lease/other steps that you should look up how to do.
At the household registration office, you give them the 定居證 (permanent residency certificate) and other documents they need to establish your residency (parent’s household info or lease etc). Don't forget your picture. Then you get your 戶口名簿 (household registration). Also remember to get a copy of your 戶籍謄本（transcript of household registration) since you will need it in 6 months to apply for health care if you plan to do that.
Right after this, they will print out your 身分證 (National ID). You get your household registration and 身分證 the same day at the same place (took me about 1-2 hours).
At this point, you are actually considered a citizen of Taiwan. However, when you choose to leave Taiwan, you must get a NWHR Passport and leave on that passport.
3) Getting your NWHR Passport
You now need to go to BOCA to apply for the new passport. I did my household registration and national ID in the late morning, so I still had time to go to BOCA before they closed at 5pm.
Their Taipei office is near the Shandao MRT stop. Bring your national ID, NWOHR passport, 2 pictures, and cash for payment. Normally for a passport there is a 10-day turnaround at 1300 NTD. Expedited next business day service is available for an additional 900 NTD. So I paid 2200 NTD for my passport since I needed mine the next day as my trip to Taiwan was planned for exactly 3 weeks and by now, I had only 2 days left in Taiwan.
Pick up your passport the next day (and they give you your previous NWOHR passport back with the corner clipped off)! Don’t forget, when you eventually leave Taiwan, you must leave Taiwan with your new NWHR Taiwan passport but there is no deadline to leave (and I got mine stamped in case that was required, but not sure if it was or not).
CONGRATS on finishing the entire process, getting full Taiwan Citizenship/Household Residency with your National ID, and your new NWHR passport to allow you to leave Taiwan!
Health Insurance: 6 months after doing this you can qualify for NHI (and is technically mandatory). To apply, go to any district office and bring your 戶籍謄本 (transcript of household registration), National ID, and a chop stamp. (Yeah, they still use those lol). I found a chop stamp place near my household registration office that did a wood stamp for 100 NTD, and had them do multiple in case I lost one, since any duplicates have to be done at the same time for them to match. Someone else can even apply for you if you are not in Taiwan as long as they have a copy of your ID, 戶籍謄本 (transcript of household registration), and chop stamp.
If all your income is outside of Taiwan, health insurance payments should be about $25 a month. If you pay monthly, you qualify for full health benefits in Taiwan. You can also suspend your payments if you plan to leave Taiwan for more than 6 months and do not plan on using their health care system. You can also keep coverage and continue to pay into the system even when gone for long periods of time. However, don't forget that your household registration will be suspended if you are gone from Taiwan for more than 2 years, and while you can easily renew it when you come back, this will pause your health coverage.
Total Cost for Taiwan Citizenship
The total cost, was about US $75-100 for the NWOHR passport, depending on if you have to get new copies of your original birth/parental records. The cost for the Part 2 were roughly: FBI check ($32), U.S.P.S. fingerprinting ($50), Health Check ($85, mine was more than the usual $63 because I needed a booster shot for one of my MMR vaccinations), Translations and notarizations ($200), residency permit (~$30), National ID ($5), expedited passport next day ($68). So my out of pocket costs for the residency conversion in Taiwan was roughly $465 or so.
So the entire citizenship process from start to finish was about $550 USD.
You only have to do this once, and now you are a full citizen with all the rights to live and work in Taiwan and can vote! I would have never been able to do this without the new rule change, so really thankful that the process is so much easier now.
Let me know if there are any questions!
(Edits for clarification.)

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...................................
(Previous Part)
(Part 001)
"Convergent Evolution." Jason repeats. He pauses for a moment to collect his thoughts. "The tendency for species to evolve toward certain similar characteristics over time, ones which are often evolutionarily superior or grant significant advantages. For example, having an even-number of legs to walk on, such as two or four or six."
The Wordsmith materializes a chair for himself, like he did when speaking to Calanthra back on Tarus II. He conjures a table and some tea, then passes a cup to Calanthra while taking one for himself.
"Exactly." Calanthra confirms, as she gracefully accepts Jason's offer and procures his offered cup. "Angels are bipedal creatures with two arms and two legs. They have wings. In that way, fairies are similar."
"Okay." Jason says with a frown. "But... angels didn't 'evolve.' They were created by the Milky Way's former Ruler, the Creator. Unless you're telling me fairies evolved from angels, but that would contradict what you just said."
"Angels did not evolve in the strictest sense of the word. That is correct." Calanthra continues. "And like the angels, my people also were created at the beginning of the universe by our own Ruler. Our Ruler was a powerful entity known as The Timeless. She lived for at least seventy Eternities in total."
Jason blinks twice. "Was. Lived. So... she's dead? Like my Creator?"
"The Timeless has indeed disappeared into the annals of myth." Calanthra says without a shred of emotion. "It is regrettable, but in Akasha's game, such events happen every Eternity. New Rulers uplift themselves from Apex Cosmics. Old ones die to their enemies. There are countless Rulers scattered across the cosmos. Some Rulers control tens of galaxies, while others control only one. The Creator was the latter, as was The Timeless."
"But what does all of this have to do with convergent evolution?" Jason presses.
"I'm getting to that. No need to be impatient." Calanthra says helplessly. "Andromeda and the Milky Way are neighbor galaxies; very close together and boasting somewhat similar levels of strength. There are many other galaxies in our Local Group, and outside that group there are tens of billions more. The Rulers have contested one another for Eternities innumerable, their memories and knowledge having long, long passed a point that you would be able to fathom. As such, their Galaxy Wars have raged for cumulative septillions upon septillions of Eternities, and they have learned what the ideal forms for Sentient species are."
Calanthra continues. "The bipedal form is considered to be extremely potent. It is versatile and well-balanced. The Quadrupedal form affords more power and speed, but often sacrifices intelligence. The tetrapod and octopod forms are less common, as are non-legged forms. So, while the fairies and angels did not 'evolve' in the strictest sense, our Rulers created us with the knowledge of what forms tended to be the most powerful based on their many Eternities worth of knowledge. In Akasha's Game, every minor advantage can snowball into a game-winning move as Eternities enter the competition phase."
Jason nods slowly. "How do you know all of this, anyway? Have you lived through multiple Eternities yourself?"
"By no means." Calanthra answers with a shake of her head. "I was born shortly after my people migrated to the Milky Way. My mother died after the migration, so I have no memories of our ancient past. As far as I am concerned, I am a child of the Milky Way, through and through. I have no sentimental attachments to Andromeda. My mother did, though, and she would often... speak of its beauty."
Calanthra's eyes become contemplative. She looks away, sighing softly as she remembers the short but sweet time she spent living with her mother as a child.
"Like I said before, Jason. The Timeless crafted the image of my people at the start of our Eternity. Based on our similarities to one another, it makes sense to assume our two Rulers knew one another. Perhaps they were hotly competing with one another, as most neighboring Rulers tend to do. But then again, perhaps not. The Creator died at the beginning of the Eternity, which should not be possible, going by Akasha's rules. That likely altered The Timeless's plans, throwing her mental state into disarray. It allowed the Dark Ones to strike, killing her and allowing our galaxy to fall early on."
"I'm getting mixed messages..." Jason mutters. "From what I've learned from Unarin, there are barriers around galaxies that prevent the Game from being initiated before a preset period. If so, then how would your Ruler fall?"
"How did yours?" Calanthra retorts. "There are many ways a Ruler could be assassinated. And The Game is not inflexible. Anything which amuses Akasha can be allowed. Perhaps the Dark Ones bribed him to lower the barrier. Perhaps, like the Plague, the Dark Ones slipped inside and secretly established a warpgate of sorts that allowed their Apex Cosmics to travel over and slaughter our High Fairies. Unfortunately, I am not learned in the ways of Rulers, so I can only hypothesize. I was only born after the migration to the Milky Way, after all."
Jason slowly nods. He leans forward to pour himself more tea before continuing. "Then that begs another question. How did your people 'migrate' to the Milky Way? How did YOU pass through the Akashic Barrier? Something isn't adding up, Calanthra."
"The answer to that question is... complicated." Calanthra says. "During the war against the Dark Ones, our mightiest fairy queens and kings fell one after the other. Apex Cosmics who had ruled for billions of years were unable to cope with the onslaught of our enemies, and so, we perished along with our Ruler."
She pauses.
"...I have looked into the history of the Milky Way. I know that the angels were a warlike species who viciously battled with one another early on. My people were not like that. We were extremely cooperative among our highest echelons. Working beneath our Ruler, we sought to increase our power and live extravagant lives while preparing for the day the Akashic Barriers lowered and The Game would begin. This meant, unlike the Milky Way which gradually killed its Highest off through self-immolation, we possessed unfathomably powerful and vast armies capable of doing battle with multiple galaxies at a time. There was a Plan, and we were ready to make great gains during this Eternity."
Calanthra takes a long, slow sip of her tea. She hesitates before continuing.
"Based on what my mother has told me, along with the historical ledgers I've read, we could not fathom the fierceness of the Dark Ones. From the very beginning, we were utterly outmatched. We had Apex Cosmics aplenty, and yet no matter what terrifying magic we unleashed, we could not withstand their assault. My mother was, in the end, the last Apex Cosmic of our people. In order to open up a path to the Milky Way, she paid a terrible price and reduced all the remnants of our people to the level of High Mortals."
Calanthra raises her crystal blue eyes to look at Jason with deep meaning. "You see, Wordsmith, Akasha's rules become less restrictive the weaker you are. Rulers who break the Akashic Laws pay terrible prices, often losing their lives. Apex Cosmics, High Cosmics, and so on... if they interfere with the lives of mere mortals, they can also suffer brutal fates, up to and including death. But the weaker one is, and the lower their status, the more leniency we are afforded. That is why, even though my people continue to draw breath, we will never again be able to stand among the highest echelons of galactic society. The Fairy species is doomed to lose the War during this eternity."
"I think I get it." Jason says slowly. "Your mother, as the last Apex Cosmic, expended all her remaining power. She opened up a portal to the Milky Way and traveled here along with what remained of your people before closing the gate behind herself."
"A portal?" Calanthra asks.
She shakes her head and looks away.
"No, dear boy. Not quite 'a portal.' But... perhaps it is time for me to show you."
Calanthra sets down her cup of tea, smiles at Jason, then rises to her feet. Seeing her stand up, Jason does the same, looking at her with interest as she gestures to the left.
"If you'll follow me, I think you will be quite surprised by the Truth behind our arrival in the Milky Way."
Jason nods. "I'm certainly interested in- what the heck?!"
His eyes drift from Calanthra back to her throne, and what he sees startles him.
While Calanthra has stood up, she also remains seated at the same time.
There are two Calanthras! The one still sitting on the throne has her eyes tightly closed, her head leaned forward, and the appearance of a puppet with its strings cut.
Noticing the look of shock on Jason's face, the Fairy Matriarch merely smiles and shakes her head. She gestures behind herself at the motionless form she left behind.
"Tragic, isn't it? For millions of years, I have been unable to stand up from that throne. The Curse placed upon me by the Dark Ones only grows stronger over time. In order to walk around, I have to resort to an illusionary duplicate. I'm sorry you had to witness such a pathetic sight."
Jason's heart skips a beat. He looks at Calanthra with pity in his eyes. "You're... cursed? In what way? Can my Wordsmithing undo it?"
"Your power is impressive." Calanthra says with a weak smile. "But only among mortals. When it comes to the machinations of Cosmics, let alone Rulers, your power is nothing at all. If you attempt to peer into the source of the curse placed upon me, I am afraid it will only draw Their eyes to you as well. It's best not to involve yourself in matters of Rulers until you have achieved the ultimate goal of being a Candidate."
Jason grimaces at her words. In his heart, he feels he must surely be able to undo the curse, but then again, he doesn't know anything about it, and he doesn't know Calanthra that well. Putting himself at risk for a complete stranger whose motivations are not fully understood doesn't sound like a good idea.
I can always try undoing it later. Jason thinks, before returning his attention to the Matriarch's illusionary clone.
"So..." Jason says, changing the subject, "you use a lot of plurals when it comes to the 'Dark Ones.' Are there multiple Rulers or something? I was under the impression only one Ruler could control a galaxy at a time."
"There are indeed multiple." Calanthra says. "As for how many, I do not know, exactly. The Dark Ones are a collective of Rulers that all ascended during different Eternities. They work together to amass power and bully individual Rulers, such as The Creator, The Timeless, and so on. Alliances are not forbidden in Akasha's Game, so there is nothing preventing them from adopting this strategy."
"So, does their name mean they all wield the power of darkness?" Jason asks.
"I... don't know." Calanthra says helplessly. "I only know what my mother told me, and she was not a Ruler herself. The information mortals and cosmics can obtain is nothing compared to what a Ruler will amass over multiple Eternities."
Calanthra gestures to Jason, and he falls into step alongside her as she disables the privacy screen, returning both of them to reality. The fairy princesses at the table look over, seeing their Matriarch reappear with the Wordsmith.
"I'll be taking this male for a walk." Calanthra says. "Nobody is to follow."
"Yes, Matriarch." The princesses respond in unison.
Jason and her head out of the royal greeting chamber through a side entrance. They begin walking down a hall adorned with unbelievably beautiful paintings, all of which astound Jason due to their lifelike imagery.
"Incredible..." Jason says, pausing before one of them. "This image... I cannot even comprehend how it was painted."
That painting depicts a paradise-class world with pink and red plants surrounding a village of carefully crafted but modestly constructed cottages, each one unique from the others, with different colors of paint used for each building's exterior. Many different male and female fairies sit, stand, and dance together, all of them looking happy and blissful as they enjoy what can only be described as the most idyllic life possible.
Calanthra smiles, but the expression contains a certain sense of sadness with it.
"One of our former homeworlds in Andromeda." She says. "Mother told me it wasn't unique at all. Most fairies used their magic to craft beautiful utopias free of strife. Despite our immense power, The Timeless seemed to want us to simply live our little lives, enjoying the simple pleasantries, rather than building up immense forces to rival other Rulers."
"So the fairies didn't have a standing army?" Jason questions.
"We did. No doubt about that." Calanthra answers. "But only those who had the desire to battle were promoted to the top of the hierarchy, acting as silent guardians while they awaited the inevitable days of reckoning. We didn't expect the sudden arrival of the Dark Ones at the edge of our galaxy, which was how they were able to catch us off-guard. Perhaps if we did, we might have fortified our galaxy more extensively. We might have survived the invasion."
The two continue walking. Jason idly admires the paintings as they travel, his eyes flicking from one to the other.
"These paintings are so lifelike." He says. "It's almost like they're not even paintings at all. They look like windows to other times and places."
Calanthra chuckles. "These paintings were made with magic. Not many fairies can craft ones at the level on display here in the capital. I happen to have the talent, as does Princess Melia, who you are acquainted with. There are different levels to Transcended Paintings, as we call them. Nine in total. The ones on display here only go up to the sixth level. We lost the most ancient paintings during the Dark War, unfortunately. Most of the ones you see now were made by fairies native to the Milky Way. That is why we cannot produce anything at the Cosmic level."
Jason looks at her in surprise. "That's right. Earlier, you implied there are no Cosmics among the fairies. Why is that? Surely, with a heritage as rich as yours..."
"As I said before, my people are cursed." Calanthra says, sighing yet again. "Haah... cursed to never produce another Cosmic among our ranks. In fact, you denizens of the Milky Way are cursed, too. Because of the actions of your precursors, you are also unable to become Cosmics in the Way of Magic. It is quite an unfortunate tragedy..."
Jason scoffs. He folds his hands behind his back and smirks at her. "Guess you're not up to date on the news. Diablo has been mass-producing Cosmics with ease. Mephisto became a Cosmic. The Volgrim have Cosmics too. Seems they're crawling outta the friggin' woodwork these days."
"You misunderstand what I said." Calanthra explains patiently. "I said you are unable to produce Cosmics through the Way of Magic. There are still ways to Ascend using other means. But harnessing the innate magical power of your galaxy is no longer possible. Because of the Angels, who drained the Milky Way of its power during the Primordial Era, the magical power left behind is thin and incapable of producing Cosmics."
She continues. "Mephisto ascended by using the cursed power of soulcrafting. Diablo is elevating Cosmics by attaching their power to stellar bodies. This limits their mobility and prevents them from being considered 'True Cosmics.' As for the Volgrim..."
Calanthra shakes her head and chuckles.
"Those Volgrim certainly are interesting. Their Psionic Power is derived from a... different source... than what the ancient angels used. The Psionic Well."
"I take it you've been observing the Psions long enough to understand how they uplift themselves." Jason says, his question rhetorical.
"To be honest, nobody who isn't a Psion fully understands it. Not even me." Calanthra admits. "But in any case, that's neither here nor there. My greater point is that the fairies cannot become Cosmics anymore. Not only because of the thin magical energy inside the Milky Way, but because of the curse the new Ruler of Andromeda inflicted upon us as we fled. Every fairy is limited to the rank of High Mortal, forever prevented from returning to our former glory. Not even your Wordsmithing should be capable of undoing it."
"I see." Jason says, looking away. "That's... really unfortunate."
"We've grown used to it. It is not worth complaining about anymore." Calanthra replies.
After exiting the hallway of paintings, Calanthra leads Jason left and right, past countless opulent rooms, and outdoors, where they eventually stop inside a vast garden adorned with bio-luminescent trees, ponds filled with algae and critters hiding beneath, and flowers stacked atop thirty-foot-tall statues.
In the center of the garden, a large pond, made perfectly round by stones lining its banks and inner depths, remains motionless without a single creature inside. Four statues of ancient fairies stand around the pond, their palms aimed at a central point thirty feet above its surface, as of trying to contain some unfathomable power from erupting...
Jason glances around. "Hm? This garden is empty. Where are all the other fairies?"
"Nobody is allowed here but me." Calanthra says, her tone solemn. "These are the Eternal Waters. The connection between realms."
Suddenly, Calanthra claps her palms together. Instantly, the artificial sunlight above the city vanishes, plunging Jason and herself into darkness.
Jason jumps in fright, not expecting this turn of events. Just as his bewildered mind is about to catch up to the point he might start asking questions, his heart drops into his shoes!
Between the four statues, at the central point where their palms are aiming, a ghostly, blood-red eye flickers around, its evil presence fixating on Jason with a malevolent gaze that flash-freezes his blood.
"What the fuck!" Jason blurts, jumping back two steps. "WHAT THE FUCK?!"
The horrifying eye says nothing. It does not communicate with him, but instead stares at the Wordsmith in a manner most monstrous, making him feel like a rat being eyed by a horde of hungry wolves.
Never has he felt so small and vulnerable. Not even when facing down the Archdemon!
"One of the eyes of Yredelemnul." Calanthra says, looking at the Wordsmith with an inexplicable gaze. "Frightening, isn't it? This is an incipient eye my mother stole from a Ruler among the Dark Ones. Its power is limited, and its sentience restrained. But even so, it is utterly terrifying."
"This eye... belonged to a Ruler?!" Jason exclaims. "Why the hell are you just letting it sit there? Shouldn't we kill it?!"
"Kill it?" Calanthra repeats. "This eye is hideous, terrifying, and malicious, no doubt, but it is also my people's unwitting benefactor. Through Yredelemnul's Eye, we were able to harness a small amount of focused cosmic power, just enough to open a crack between dimensions."
She looks at the eye, which has continued to stare at Jason, unblinking, the entire time.
"It cannot exist without total darkness. That is why we always keep this city covered in blinding light. But, when the time comes for me to activate its power, I must deactivate the Endless Sunlight Formation, if only for a short while."
Jason's skin crawls as the eye continues to gaze at him. He forces himself to look away, because for some reason its gaze feels magnetic, drawing his eyes toward it for unfathomable but no-doubt sinister reasons.
"Okay!" Jason shouts. "You can turn it off now! Are we done yet?!"
"Done?" Calanthra asks. "Wordsmith, we have only just begun."
Without hesitation, she aims a finger at the eye. A beam of light as bright as the midday sun blasts at the eye, making it tremble and weep tears of blood.
These tears fall from the silently raging eye to the pond below. The pond illuminates with an ominous bloody glow, and storm clouds materialize in the sky above. Lightning crackles downward, striking the eye and causing it to bleed and tremble even more profusely. The pond turns redder and redder, until, in a moment of ferocity...
Yredelemnul's eye explodes!
BOOM!
A shockwave blasts outward, but to Jason's surprise, it doesn't even so much as ripple the grass around him. It passes through his body and momentarily jolts his soul, but otherwise, it has no effect on the physical world.
With the eye gone, the pond begins to swirl rapidly until it becomes a maelstrom of stormy water, spinning round and round without splashing beyond the confines of its rocky exterior.
"Get ready!" Calanthra shouts. "When the water stills, jump inside!"
"Jump inside?!" Jason asks, horrified. "It's filled with blood!"
"Not blood in the way you imagine." Calanthra explains. "Cosmic Essence. The blood of a Ruler is more powerful than any exotic you can imagine. The pond will become a gateway to the other dimension soon. Now, ready yourself!"
"I..."
Jason starts to argue with her, but decides to bite his tongue.
"What kind of portal is it?" He asks. "Where will it take me?!"
"It will transport us to a place you cannot even imagine." Calanthra says. "After shattering the eye, it will require one Pixiv-cycle to restore itself. If you don't come with me now, you'll have to wait another year to learn the Truths you want to know most!"
Jason hesitates.
He grits his teeth, momentarily feeling indecisive.
At that moment, the waters stop spinning, and a hazy image of a far-away land appears.
"Now!" Calanthra shouts. "If you aren't coming, then I'll go alone!"
"Fuck it!" Jason snaps. "I'll go, I'll GO, goddammit!"
Calanthra jumps into the pond, and less than a second later, Jason steels his nerves... and jumps in after her!
The moment they pass through the boundary between dimensions, Jason seemingly spins in midair and lands on his feet. He looks backward, only to see the portal closing behind himself.
The gateway back to the Milky Way disappears!
"Shit." Jason curses softly. He directs a withering stare at Calanthra. "You've trapped us here?!"
"We are not trapped." Calanthra says with a smile. "We can leave at any time we wish. Now, look around you. What do you see?"
Jason blinks. He turns his gaze around to take in the sights.
What he sees upends his understanding of reality.
He and Calanthra stand atop a small stone platform amidst a pitch-black void seemingly overlooking not the Milky Way, but all of the cosmos itself.
No matter which way Jason looks, he sees an infinite number of galaxies, stars, black holes, and other cosmic phenomena he cannot even begin to describe in words.
By looking at any of these entities, his vision begins to move toward them, drawing them nearer.
He can look at any star of any galaxy and view it with a frightening level of clarity!
"What... what is this place?" Jason asks.
"This is the entrance to Ripped Space." Calanthra says softly. "A viewport into every Eternity that has ever existed, up to and including the current one."
Calanthra smiles at Jason.
"It is through the power of Ripspace that my people were able to travel to the Milky Way... among other destinations."
"Fairies aren't only in the Milky Way?" Jason asks, suddenly comprehending her meaning.
"My people have taken up residence in many galaxies." Calanthra responds. "But unlike the Milky Way's fairies, our interstellar brothers and sisters... are unlikely to have met good ends."
After a pause, she takes Jason's hand in hers.
"Well? Would you like to go exploring?"

"Convergent Evolution." Jason repeats. He pauses for a moment to collect his thoughts. "The tendency for species to evolve toward certain similar characteristics over time, ones which are often evolutionarily superior or grant significant advantages. For example, having an even-number of legs to walk on, such as two or four or six."
The Wordsmith materializes a chair for himself, like he did when speaking to Calanthra back on Tarus II. He conjures a table and some tea, then passes a cup to Calanthra while taking one for himself.
"Exactly." Calanthra confirms, as she gracefully accepts Jason's offer and procures his offered cup. "Angels are bipedal creatures with two arms and two legs. They have wings. In that way, fairies are similar."
"Okay." Jason says with a frown. "But... angels didn't 'evolve.' They were created by the Milky Way's former Ruler, the Creator. Unless you're telling me fairies evolved from angels, but that would contradict what you just said."
"Angels did not evolve in the strictest sense of the word. That is correct." Calanthra continues. "And like the angels, my people also were created at the beginning of the universe by our own Ruler. Our Ruler was a powerful entity known as The Timeless. She lived for at least seventy Eternities in total."
Jason blinks twice. "Was. Lived. So... she's dead? Like my Creator?"
"The Timeless has indeed disappeared into the annals of myth." Calanthra says without a shred of emotion. "It is regrettable, but in Akasha's game, such events happen every Eternity. New Rulers uplift themselves from Apex Cosmics. Old ones die to their enemies. There are countless Rulers scattered across the cosmos. Some Rulers control tens of galaxies, while others control only one. The Creator was the latter, as was The Timeless."
"But what does all of this have to do with convergent evolution?" Jason presses.
"I'm getting to that. No need to be impatient." Calanthra says helplessly. "Andromeda and the Milky Way are neighbor galaxies; very close together and boasting somewhat similar levels of strength. There are many other galaxies in our Local Group, and outside that group there are tens of billions more. The Rulers have contested one another for Eternities innumerable, their memories and knowledge having long, long passed a point that you would be able to fathom. As such, their Galaxy Wars have raged for cumulative septillions upon septillions of Eternities, and they have learned what the ideal forms for Sentient species are."
Calanthra continues. "The bipedal form is considered to be extremely potent. It is versatile and well-balanced. The Quadrupedal form affords more power and speed, but often sacrifices intelligence. The tetrapod and octopod forms are less common, as are non-legged forms. So, while the fairies and angels did not 'evolve' in the strictest sense, our Rulers created us with the knowledge of what forms tended to be the most powerful based on their many Eternities worth of knowledge. In Akasha's Game, every minor advantage can snowball into a game-winning move as Eternities enter the competition phase."
Jason nods slowly. "How do you know all of this, anyway? Have you lived through multiple Eternities yourself?"
"By no means." Calanthra answers with a shake of her head. "I was born shortly after my people migrated to the Milky Way. My mother died after the migration, so I have no memories of our ancient past. As far as I am concerned, I am a child of the Milky Way, through and through. I have no sentimental attachments to Andromeda. My mother did, though, and she would often... speak of its beauty."
Calanthra's eyes become contemplative. She looks away, sighing softly as she remembers the short but sweet time she spent living with her mother as a child.
"Like I said before, Jason. The Timeless crafted the image of my people at the start of our Eternity. Based on our similarities to one another, it makes sense to assume our two Rulers knew one another. Perhaps they were hotly competing with one another, as most neighboring Rulers tend to do. But then again, perhaps not. The Creator died at the beginning of the Eternity, which should not be possible, going by Akasha's rules. That likely altered The Timeless's plans, throwing her mental state into disarray. It allowed the Dark Ones to strike, killing her and allowing our galaxy to fall early on."
"I'm getting mixed messages..." Jason mutters. "From what I've learned from Unarin, there are barriers around galaxies that prevent the Game from being initiated before a preset period. If so, then how would your Ruler fall?"
"How did yours?" Calanthra retorts. "There are many ways a Ruler could be assassinated. And The Game is not inflexible. Anything which amuses Akasha can be allowed. Perhaps the Dark Ones bribed him to lower the barrier. Perhaps, like the Plague, the Dark Ones slipped inside and secretly established a warpgate of sorts that allowed their Apex Cosmics to travel over and slaughter our High Fairies. Unfortunately, I am not learned in the ways of Rulers, so I can only hypothesize. I was only born after the migration to the Milky Way, after all."
Jason slowly nods. He leans forward to pour himself more tea before continuing. "Then that begs another question. How did your people 'migrate' to the Milky Way? How did YOU pass through the Akashic Barrier? Something isn't adding up, Calanthra."
"The answer to that question is... complicated." Calanthra says. "During the war against the Dark Ones, our mightiest fairy queens and kings fell one after the other. Apex Cosmics who had ruled for billions of years were unable to cope with the onslaught of our enemies, and so, we perished along with our Ruler."
She pauses.
"...I have looked into the history of the Milky Way. I know that the angels were a warlike species who viciously battled with one another early on. My people were not like that. We were extremely cooperative among our highest echelons. Working beneath our Ruler, we sought to increase our power and live extravagant lives while preparing for the day the Akashic Barriers lowered and The Game would begin. This meant, unlike the Milky Way which gradually killed its Highest off through self-immolation, we possessed unfathomably powerful and vast armies capable of doing battle with multiple galaxies at a time. There was a Plan, and we were ready to make great gains during this Eternity."
Calanthra takes a long, slow sip of her tea. She hesitates before continuing.
"Based on what my mother has told me, along with the historical ledgers I've read, we could not fathom the fierceness of the Dark Ones. From the very beginning, we were utterly outmatched. We had Apex Cosmics aplenty, and yet no matter what terrifying magic we unleashed, we could not withstand their assault. My mother was, in the end, the last Apex Cosmic of our people. In order to open up a path to the Milky Way, she paid a terrible price and reduced all the remnants of our people to the level of High Mortals."
Calanthra raises her crystal blue eyes to look at Jason with deep meaning. "You see, Wordsmith, Akasha's rules become less restrictive the weaker you are. Rulers who break the Akashic Laws pay terrible prices, often losing their lives. Apex Cosmics, High Cosmics, and so on... if they interfere with the lives of mere mortals, they can also suffer brutal fates, up to and including death. But the weaker one is, and the lower their status, the more leniency we are afforded. That is why, even though my people continue to draw breath, we will never again be able to stand among the highest echelons of galactic society. The Fairy species is doomed to lose the War during this eternity."
"I think I get it." Jason says slowly. "Your mother, as the last Apex Cosmic, expended all her remaining power. She opened up a portal to the Milky Way and traveled here along with what remained of your people before closing the gate behind herself."
"A portal?" Calanthra asks.
She shakes her head and looks away.
"No, dear boy. Not quite 'a portal.' But... perhaps it is time for me to show you."
Calanthra sets down her cup of tea, smiles at Jason, then rises to her feet. Seeing her stand up, Jason does the same, looking at her with interest as she gestures to the left.
"If you'll follow me, I think you will be quite surprised by the Truth behind our arrival in the Milky Way."
Jason nods. "I'm certainly interested in- what the heck?!"
His eyes drift from Calanthra back to her throne, and what he sees startles him.
While Calanthra has stood up, she also remains seated at the same time.
There are two Calanthras! The one still sitting on the throne has her eyes tightly closed, her head leaned forward, and the appearance of a puppet with its strings cut.
Noticing the look of shock on Jason's face, the Fairy Matriarch merely smiles and shakes her head. She gestures behind herself at the motionless form she left behind.
"Tragic, isn't it? For millions of years, I have been unable to stand up from that throne. The Curse placed upon me by the Dark Ones only grows stronger over time. In order to walk around, I have to resort to an illusionary duplicate. I'm sorry you had to witness such a pathetic sight."
Jason's heart skips a beat. He looks at Calanthra with pity in his eyes. "You're... cursed? In what way? Can my Wordsmithing undo it?"
"Your power is impressive." Calanthra says with a weak smile. "But only among mortals. When it comes to the machinations of Cosmics, let alone Rulers, your power is nothing at all. If you attempt to peer into the source of the curse placed upon me, I am afraid it will only draw Their eyes to you as well. It's best not to involve yourself in matters of Rulers until you have achieved the ultimate goal of being a Candidate."
Jason grimaces at her words. In his heart, he feels he must surely be able to undo the curse, but then again, he doesn't know anything about it, and he doesn't know Calanthra that well. Putting himself at risk for a complete stranger whose motivations are not fully understood doesn't sound like a good idea.
I can always try undoing it later. Jason thinks, before returning his attention to the Matriarch's illusionary clone.
"So..." Jason says, changing the subject, "you use a lot of plurals when it comes to the 'Dark Ones.' Are there multiple Rulers or something? I was under the impression only one Ruler could control a galaxy at a time."
"There are indeed multiple." Calanthra says. "As for how many, I do not know, exactly. The Dark Ones are a collective of Rulers that all ascended during different Eternities. They work together to amass power and bully individual Rulers, such as The Creator, The Timeless, and so on. Alliances are not forbidden in Akasha's Game, so there is nothing preventing them from adopting this strategy."
"So, does their name mean they all wield the power of darkness?" Jason asks.
"I... don't know." Calanthra says helplessly. "I only know what my mother told me, and she was not a Ruler herself. The information mortals and cosmics can obtain is nothing compared to what a Ruler will amass over multiple Eternities."
Calanthra gestures to Jason, and he falls into step alongside her as she disables the privacy screen, returning both of them to reality. The fairy princesses at the table look over, seeing their Matriarch reappear with the Wordsmith.
"I'll be taking this male for a walk." Calanthra says. "Nobody is to follow."
"Yes, Matriarch." The princesses respond in unison.
Jason and her head out of the royal greeting chamber through a side entrance. They begin walking down a hall adorned with unbelievably beautiful paintings, all of which astound Jason due to their lifelike imagery.
"Incredible..." Jason says, pausing before one of them. "This image... I cannot even comprehend how it was painted."
That painting depicts a paradise-class world with pink and red plants surrounding a village of carefully crafted but modestly constructed cottages, each one unique from the others, with different colors of paint used for each building's exterior. Many different male and female fairies sit, stand, and dance together, all of them looking happy and blissful as they enjoy what can only be described as the most idyllic life possible.
Calanthra smiles, but the expression contains a certain sense of sadness with it.
"One of our former homeworlds in Andromeda." She says. "Mother told me it wasn't unique at all. Most fairies used their magic to craft beautiful utopias free of strife. Despite our immense power, The Timeless seemed to want us to simply live our little lives, enjoying the simple pleasantries, rather than building up immense forces to rival other Rulers."
"So the fairies didn't have a standing army?" Jason questions.
"We did. No doubt about that." Calanthra answers. "But only those who had the desire to battle were promoted to the top of the hierarchy, acting as silent guardians while they awaited the inevitable days of reckoning. We didn't expect the sudden arrival of the Dark Ones at the edge of our galaxy, which was how they were able to catch us off-guard. Perhaps if we did, we might have fortified our galaxy more extensively. We might have survived the invasion."
The two continue walking. Jason idly admires the paintings as they travel, his eyes flicking from one to the other.
"These paintings are so lifelike." He says. "It's almost like they're not even paintings at all. They look like windows to other times and places."
Calanthra chuckles. "These paintings were made with magic. Not many fairies can craft ones at the level on display here in the capital. I happen to have the talent, as does Princess Melia, who you are acquainted with. There are different levels to Transcended Paintings, as we call them. Nine in total. The ones on display here only go up to the sixth level. We lost the most ancient paintings during the Dark War, unfortunately. Most of the ones you see now were made by fairies native to the Milky Way. That is why we cannot produce anything at the Cosmic level."
Jason looks at her in surprise. "That's right. Earlier, you implied there are no Cosmics among the fairies. Why is that? Surely, with a heritage as rich as yours..."
"As I said before, my people are cursed." Calanthra says, sighing yet again. "Haah... cursed to never produce another Cosmic among our ranks. In fact, you denizens of the Milky Way are cursed, too. Because of the actions of your precursors, you are also unable to become Cosmics in the Way of Magic. It is quite an unfortunate tragedy..."
Jason scoffs. He folds his hands behind his back and smirks at her. "Guess you're not up to date on the news. Diablo has been mass-producing Cosmics with ease. Mephisto became a Cosmic. The Volgrim have Cosmics too. Seems they're crawling outta the friggin' woodwork these days."
"You misunderstand what I said." Calanthra explains patiently. "I said you are unable to produce Cosmics through the Way of Magic. There are still ways to Ascend using other means. But harnessing the innate magical power of your galaxy is no longer possible. Because of the Angels, who drained the Milky Way of its power during the Primordial Era, the magical power left behind is thin and incapable of producing Cosmics."
She continues. "Mephisto ascended by using the cursed power of soulcrafting. Diablo is elevating Cosmics by attaching their power to stellar bodies. This limits their mobility and prevents them from being considered 'True Cosmics.' As for the Volgrim..."
Calanthra shakes her head and chuckles.
"Those Volgrim certainly are interesting. Their Psionic Power is derived from a... different source... than what the ancient angels used. The Psionic Well."
"I take it you've been observing the Psions long enough to understand how they uplift themselves." Jason says, his question rhetorical.
"To be honest, nobody who isn't a Psion fully understands it. Not even me." Calanthra admits. "But in any case, that's neither here nor there. My greater point is that the fairies cannot become Cosmics anymore. Not only because of the thin magical energy inside the Milky Way, but because of the curse the new Ruler of Andromeda inflicted upon us as we fled. Every fairy is limited to the rank of High Mortal, forever prevented from returning to our former glory. Not even your Wordsmithing should be capable of undoing it."
"I see." Jason says, looking away. "That's... really unfortunate."
"We've grown used to it. It is not worth complaining about anymore." Calanthra replies.
After exiting the hallway of paintings, Calanthra leads Jason left and right, past countless opulent rooms, and outdoors, where they eventually stop inside a vast garden adorned with bio-luminescent trees, ponds filled with algae and critters hiding beneath, and flowers stacked atop thirty-foot-tall statues.
In the center of the garden, a large pond, made perfectly round by stones lining its banks and inner depths, remains motionless without a single creature inside. Four statues of ancient fairies stand around the pond, their palms aimed at a central point thirty feet above its surface, as of trying to contain some unfathomable power from erupting...
Jason glances around. "Hm? This garden is empty. Where are all the other fairies?"
"Nobody is allowed here but me." Calanthra says, her tone solemn. "These are the Eternal Waters. The connection between realms."
Suddenly, Calanthra claps her palms together. Instantly, the artificial sunlight above the city vanishes, plunging Jason and herself into darkness.
Jason jumps in fright, not expecting this turn of events. Just as his bewildered mind is about to catch up to the point he might start asking questions, his heart drops into his shoes!
Between the four statues, at the central point where their palms are aiming, a ghostly, blood-red eye flickers around, its evil presence fixating on Jason with a malevolent gaze that flash-freezes his blood.
"What the fuck!" Jason blurts, jumping back two steps. "WHAT THE FUCK?!"
The horrifying eye says nothing. It does not communicate with him, but instead stares at the Wordsmith in a manner most monstrous, making him feel like a rat being eyed by a horde of hungry wolves.
Never has he felt so small and vulnerable. Not even when facing down the Archdemon!
"One of the eyes of Yredelemnul." Calanthra says, looking at the Wordsmith with an inexplicable gaze. "Frightening, isn't it? This is an incipient eye my mother stole from a Ruler among the Dark Ones. Its power is limited, and its sentience restrained. But even so, it is utterly terrifying."
"This eye... belonged to a Ruler?!" Jason exclaims. "Why the hell are you just letting it sit there? Shouldn't we kill it?!"
"Kill it?" Calanthra repeats. "This eye is hideous, terrifying, and malicious, no doubt, but it is also my people's unwitting benefactor. Through Yredelemnul's Eye, we were able to harness a small amount of focused cosmic power, just enough to open a crack between dimensions."
She looks at the eye, which has continued to stare at Jason, unblinking, the entire time.
"It cannot exist without total darkness. That is why we always keep this city covered in blinding light. But, when the time comes for me to activate its power, I must deactivate the Endless Sunlight Formation, if only for a short while."
Jason's skin crawls as the eye continues to gaze at him. He forces himself to look away, because for some reason its gaze feels magnetic, drawing his eyes toward it for unfathomable but no-doubt sinister reasons.
"Okay!" Jason shouts. "You can turn it off now! Are we done yet?!"
"Done?" Calanthra asks. "Wordsmith, we have only just begun."
Without hesitation, she aims a finger at the eye. A beam of light as bright as the midday sun blasts at the eye, making it tremble and weep tears of blood.
These tears fall from the silently raging eye to the pond below. The pond illuminates with an ominous bloody glow, and storm clouds materialize in the sky above. Lightning crackles downward, striking the eye and causing it to bleed and tremble even more profusely. The pond turns redder and redder, until, in a moment of ferocity...
Yredelemnul's eye explodes!
BOOM!
A shockwave blasts outward, but to Jason's surprise, it doesn't even so much as ripple the grass around him. It passes through his body and momentarily jolts his soul, but otherwise, it has no effect on the physical world.
With the eye gone, the pond begins to swirl rapidly until it becomes a maelstrom of stormy water, spinning round and round without splashing beyond the confines of its rocky exterior.
"Get ready!" Calanthra shouts. "When the water stills, jump inside!"
"Jump inside?!" Jason asks, horrified. "It's filled with blood!"
"Not blood in the way you imagine." Calanthra explains. "Cosmic Essence. The blood of a Ruler is more powerful than any exotic you can imagine. The pond will become a gateway to the other dimension soon. Now, ready yourself!"
"I..."
Jason starts to argue with her, but decides to bite his tongue.
"What kind of portal is it?" He asks. "Where will it take me?!"
"It will transport us to a place you cannot even imagine." Calanthra says. "After shattering the eye, it will require one Pixiv-cycle to restore itself. If you don't come with me now, you'll have to wait another year to learn the Truths you want to know most!"
Jason hesitates.
He grits his teeth, momentarily feeling indecisive.
At that moment, the waters stop spinning, and a hazy image of a far-away land appears.
"Now!" Calanthra shouts. "If you aren't coming, then I'll go alone!"
"Fuck it!" Jason snaps. "I'll go, I'll GO, goddammit!"
Calanthra jumps into the pond, and less than a second later, Jason steels his nerves... and jumps in after her!
The moment they pass through the boundary between dimensions, Jason seemingly spins in midair and lands on his feet. He looks backward, only to see the portal closing behind himself.
The gateway back to the Milky Way disappears!
"Shit." Jason curses softly. He directs a withering stare at Calanthra. "You've trapped us here?!"
"We are not trapped." Calanthra says with a smile. "We can leave at any time we wish. Now, look around you. What do you see?"
Jason blinks. He turns his gaze around to take in the sights.
What he sees upends his understanding of reality.
He and Calanthra stand atop a small stone platform amidst a pitch-black void seemingly overlooking not the Milky Way, but all of the cosmos itself.
No matter which way Jason looks, he sees an infinite number of galaxies, stars, black holes, and other cosmic phenomena he cannot even begin to describe in words.
By looking at any of these entities, his vision begins to move toward them, drawing them nearer.
He can look at any star of any galaxy and view it with a frightening level of clarity!
"What... what is this place?" Jason asks.
"This is the entrance to Ripped Space." Calanthra says softly. "A viewport into every Eternity that has ever existed, up to and including the current one."
Calanthra smiles at Jason.
"It is through the power of Ripspace that my people were able to travel to the Milky Way... among other destinations."
"Fairies aren't only in the Milky Way?" Jason asks, suddenly comprehending her meaning.
"My people have taken up residence in many galaxies." Calanthra responds. "But unlike the Milky Way's fairies, our interstellar brothers and sisters... are unlikely to have met good ends."
After a pause, she takes Jason's hand in hers.
"Well? Would you like to go exploring?"

Welcome to the /GoPro Weekly Questions thread!
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After the Polar Patriots warbond release, I decided it was time look back and review some of the fixes and features Arrowhead has tried to push out. This post is not about the balancing philosophy. It's about Arrowhead's tendency of rushing things out before they've been properly tested or thought-out. Basically I've chronicled all of their previous slip ups to date to paint a picture of how unhealthy it is for the game to be developed this way, as it merely leads to compounding issues and an ever growing list of known issues that only gets bigger with each patch. Let this be a trip down memory lane for my fellow helldivers, and a wake-up call to Arrowhead. I wanna be clear that I love this game and am only writing this up out of passion for the game because I want it to be the best that it can be.

Patch 01.000.100 - March 6th

Eradicate Missions

• Eradicate missions now require more kills and enemies spawn more often. The time to complete the mission was previously shorter than intended and should now take twice as long to complete.

Notes:
Caused an issue with spawn rates for higher class enemies (heavies, elites) being increased across the board.

Fixes

• Fixed armor rating values not reducing damage as intended.

Notes:
Was in fact not fixed, and re-addressed in a later patch.
This patch also added the Patriot Exosuit, which it was quickly discovered had a suite of unfortunate bugs associated with it.

• Rockets fired from the Exosuit launcher may sometimes make contact with the Exosuit’s hitbox and explode, instantly killing the player and destroying the mech. A work around was to not fire rockets while turning or walking forward, as this was believed to exacerbate the issue.
• The weapons could still be fired while viewing the map, leading to many accidental discharges.
• The mech was unusually vulnerable to damage, getting one shot by a single rocket from even the lowest tier raider, or a single melee from a Charger.
• Using a stim while inside the Exosuit crashes your game.
  • After being fixed there was still an issue where using stim while holding a grenade inside the Exosuit crashed the game.
• The Exosuit’s melee ability was barely functional and didn’t work half the time.
• The Exosuit would sometimes get delivered in a damaged or broken state, or dropped on a rock high up, such that a Helldiver could not enter it.
• Enemies would frequently ignore the Exosuit if there was another helldiver nearby.

Patch 1.000.102 - March 12th

This patch introduced a particularly nasty crash associated with having cross-play enabled. I can speak from personal experience that me and my friends were borderline unable to play the game in this period because it was guaranteed all of us would crash at least once, and if the host crashed there was even a bug where they could not rejoin. Thankfully, ensuring all players have cross-play disabled seemed to mostly resolve the crashing.
It also introduced the Termicide Tower missions to the game to tie in with the major order. This mission had an annoying issue that confused a lot of players where if you repeatedly pressed the button to activate a tower, you would cause a near endless series of bug breaches. Many players didn't realize this, and would desperately hurry to re-activate the tower after a shutdown, not understanding that doing so only made the situation worse.
2 days later we also received the Cutting Edge warbond, which had the following issues:

• LAS-16 Sickle
  Really good gun on release, only issue is not being able to shoot through foliage.
  
• Punisher Plasma
  This gun was pretty mediocre on release. It wasn’t plagued by any bugs or major issues, it just needed some buffs to really be worth bringing. The low projectile velocity combined with the small AoE on impact and the inaccuracy made it hard to utilize at medium-long engagements. At the same time, the fact that it did splash damage made it bad in CQC situations as well, leading to an overall very meh weapon.
  
• LAS-7 Dagger
  Not necessarily weak, but it was competing with the Redeemer which was just top notch at the time.
  
• ARC-12 Blitzer
  Fire rate was too slow, but a very interesting weapon none the less. Trading fire rate and range for infinite ammo is an interesting mechanic.
  

Overall this warbond was pretty solid on release, and now after some buffs it is undoubtedly one of the best ones in the game.

Patch 1.000.103 - March 20th

Fixes

• Shots from arc-based weapons, such as 'Blitzer' shotgun and 'AC-3 Arc Thrower' stratagem now count towards "Shots fired" and "Shots hit" stats.

Notes:
Fixed, but introduced a new issue that caused freezes whenever an arc based weapon was fired. This was addressed a week later in a new patch. In the meantime, players could not use arc based weapons.
This patch also introduced the Shriekers, which had the infamous 1-shot ragdoll issue where a dead shrieker hitting you would instantly kill you. They also had an issue where they could call bug breaches. It is unclear if this was intentional or not but it was immediately removed in the following patch.

Patch 01.000.200 - April 2nd

Fixes

• Heavy and medium armor protects you better and you now take about 10% less damage than before while wearing heavy and about 5% less when wearing medium armor. Fortified commando and light armor is unchanged.

Notes:
This really helped make heavy armor actually feel like heavy armor, but there was still the problem of enemy crits (headshots) making even the beefiest armor feel like cardboard.

Fixes

• Fixed cases where the ground under some assets could be bombed causing them to float.

Notes:
This still happens.
This patch also infamously introduced the crash on extract bug where every player in the mission would crash after extracting.

Patch 01.000.202 - April 9th

This was the patch that finally acknowledged a series of long-standing issues:

• Damage-over-time effects may only apply when dealt by the host.
• Certain weapons like the Sickle cannot shoot through foliage.
• Scopes on some weapons such as the Anti-Materiel Rifle are slightly misaligned.
• Arc weapons sometimes behave inconsistently and sometimes misfire.
• Spear’s targeting is inconsistent, making it hard to lock-on to larger enemies.

It also introduced the Evacuate High-Value Assets mission type, which had a strange issue where red tinted dev boxes were visible on the map, seemingly indicating an out of bounds area. There's also an issue where Factory Striders can peek over the Extraction site and destroy the Generators without ever making it inside the launch area.
We also got the 4th tier ship upgrades, of which 2 did nothing, 1 was partially bugged, rendering half of the new content broken.

• Superior packing methodology just flat out did not work.
• Blast Absorption - which was supposed to give sentries explosion resistance - made no difference to the sentries ability to tank explosions. It is debatable whether or not the upgrade “worked” in a technical sense (50% of 0 is still 0), but in practice it provided no benefit to the user, making it effectively worthless.
• XXL Weapons Bay correctly added 1 additional missile to most of Eagle-1’s arsenal, but mistakenly added 1 additional airstrike missile to the Cluster bomb. Furthermore, the upgrade itself is just kinda weak, as adding a single extra missile to an already massive barrage.

Never mind that these were expensive upgrades and players could only afford one at launch, so imagine spending your hard earned samples on one of the 3 broken ones.
2 days later we also received the Democractic Detonation warbond, which was amazing on release, and only had the following issues:

• Adjudicator
  This weapon was just really meh on release. Insane recoil and ammo problems made it undesirable. It had decent damage and AP 3 so it was like a harder hitting, harder to control Lib Pen. Unfortunately, it wasn’t quite there at launch and needed some buffs to get to a decent state. Furthermore, it was just insanely overshadowed by the other weapons in the warbond.
  
• Thermite
  A really interesting concept for a grenade, unfortunately the DoT bug made it pretty much unusable. However, even with the DoT bug fixed, this grenade still suffers from some issues. For one, actually sticking it to things can be really inconsistent, and that’s a problem because that’s the whole basis for the grenade. The damage also feels inconsistent still somehow, from my own testing I haven’t been able to get a solid idea of how many thermites I need to take down a chargebile titan/tank/hulk, it always seems to vary by quite a lot. I think the execution of this grenade needs some more work still, fans have rightfully pointed out that it would be cool if the thermite weakened the armor value of the spot that it’s stuck to, basically letting players “soften up” a heavily armored part so it can be damaged with a lower pen weapon. This would at least make it so you’re not just running around waiting for the burn to finish and can choose to shoot back to stack damage with the thermite.
  
• CE-27 Ground Breaker
  Had the wrong passive on release. Player’s rightfully pointed out that it would have been cool to see some new armor passives, for example fire resistance armor, which would have lined up well with the previous warbond having arc resistance armor.
  

Unfortunately, after a series of nerfs, this warbond is in an abysmal state, and probably one of the worst you can pick up.

Patch 01.000.300 - April 29th

Balancing

• LAS-99 Quasar Cannon
  • Increased recharge time by 5 seconds

Notes:
The recharge time was indeed increased, but the UI indicator now no longer matched the new timing of 15 seconds, and would show the weapon as ready to fire still after 10 seconds, leading to some confusion.

Balancing

• Machinegun Sentry
  • Increased health to match other Sentries

Notes:
Probably worked as intended? The problem with this change is that the Machinegun sentry is literally just an inferior version of the gatling gun, with no redeemable qualities. That just makes you wonder why they would even bother with this buff.

Enemies

• Hulk Scorcher direct flamethrower damage reduced by 20%

Notes:
This is a strange one. A few patches back when they decided to increase fire damage across the board by 50%, they unintentionally made certain things unreasonably lethal, like the fire tornadoes on Helmire, or the flamethrower from the Hulk. The problem with this change is that it seems to ignore a deeper issue with the Hulk (and “spewing” weapons in general) that causes the 1 frame instakill. Nerfing the damage by 20% does not fix the underlying issue where you get randomly 1 shot from a single stray collision with the fire, which is what players were ACTUALLY asking for to get fixed. I verified that this is still happening the day the patch dropped, and it has yet to be addressed by Arrowhead.

Enemy Patrols
We unintendedly had non-linear scaling of the patrol spawns so they didn't spawn as often as they should have when less than 4 players. The intention is that 1 player has 1/4th of the patrols compared to 4 players, but it used to be that they had 1/6th.

• Balancing adjustment to patrol spawning.
• Patrol spawning has been increased when there are fewer than 4 players. The fewer the players the bigger the change. For 4 player missions there will be no change compared to before. The biggest noticeable change will be for solo players at higher difficulties.

Notes:
This change actually fucked patrol spawns even more, instead making it so the patrol spawn modifier is always at 100%, regardless of how many players are in the game.

Gameplay

• Shots that ricochet from heavy armored enemies will now properly hit the Helldiver who fired them. Trigger discipline is highly recommended.

Notes:
This infamously caused shrapnel from the Eruptor to sometimes ricochet 50m and annihilate helldivers in 1 shot. It was a very rare thing, but it led to some outcry from the community, and assurance from the dev team that it would be fixed in an upcoming patch.

Fixes

• Fixed an exploit that allowed overly eager Helldivers to use grenades excessively.

Notes:
Not fixed. Before it was possible to have negative grenades, which effectively meant infinite grenades. Now you can instead get an integer overflow giving you 4,294,967,296 grenades. So not technically infinite, but still excessive.
This patch also introduced the bug where the plasma punisher would explode against the inside of the shield generator, making the two unusable together.
Shortly before this patch dropped we also got access to the Airburst launcher. However, Arrowhead unintentionally gave us an old version of the weapon that suffered from a few bugs. For one, the rocket had a weird tendency to burst toward the player, leading to many accidentals. In addition, the proximity trigger on the launcher would trigger off of pretty much any kind of environmental entity, which made the weapon extremely difficult to use without blowing yourself up.

Patch 01.000.302 - May 7th

Balancing

• R-9 Eruptor
  • Increased explosion damage by 40 and removed shrapnel from the explosion
  • This is to avoid cases in which players would randomly one-shot themselves or their teammates in a huge radius around the explosion

Notes:
As advertised, the Eruptor lost it’s shrapnel to prevent unfair deaths from ricochets. It also received a compensatory buff to make up for losing a part of it’s damage. It was assured that losing shrapnel would not negatively impact the Eruptor, as it played a negligible part in it’s total damage, so gaining 40+ explosive damage would be a net positive for the weapon. This was immediately proven to not be true, as players could tell right away that the weapon had been severely nerfed, having worse breakpoints against pretty much all targets. This whole change was very concerning because it was being sold to us as a "fix", claiming the high damage of the Eruptor was actually an exploit. It sets a worrying precedent where we can't take anything for granted; if a weapon feels strong on release, is it by design or an exploit?

Fixes

• Fixed issues with some weapon scopes not being aligned in First-Person-View.

Notes:
Not fixed. There still seems to be some issues with alignments on different display configurations, not to mention the HMG is still severely misaligned. It’s gotten better, but it’s not fully resolved.

Fixes

• The sound when stimming no longer plays while being interrupted

Notes:
Not fixed. It still happens.

Fixes - Firing the Punisher Plasma while wearing a shield backpack no longer damages the Helldiver

Notes: Almost fixed, there seem to still be edge cases where the gun clips the shield.
2 days later we also got the Polar Patriots warbond, which is undoubtedly the worst warbond they have released to date:

• CW-4 Arctic Ranger
  Another light armor with Scout. Along with just being a recolor of the existing Scout armor, it is a recolor that cannot be mixed with any other item in the game. We have nothing that fits an orange/blue color scheme, which makes it really stand out in a sore thumb kind of way.
  
• CW-22 Kodiak
  Another heavy armor with Fortified. You know what would have been cool? A new passive to tie in with the snow theme. For the love of god, the armor even comes with cleats on the boots, which is literally designed to prevent slipping on ice - and you still slip on ice while wearing this armor. Ngl this apple kinda taste like bacon. There is also a general issue for all of these armor pieces that the prefix does not line up with the armor’s passive, adding to the already long list of armor’s with incorrect prefixes.
  
• ** CW-36 Winter Warrior**
  Same thing as above.
  
• AR-61 Tenderiser
  This weapon is just a worse version of the Liberator, but once you look closer, you start to realize why that is. To start, the armory describes it as being a high-caliber assault rifle with a restrictive magazine but more stopping power. Well, at 60 damage per shot and AP 2, that puts at the exact same damage and AP as the Liberator, which has more ammo per magazine. It does feature slightly less recoil and more spare mags, but when you pick up ammo, you surprisingly get fewer mags back than the Liberator. However all of these oddities start to make sense when you realize this weapon was designed on an older patch of the game, from before they increased the Liberators damage, increased the amount of ammo most guns recover, and lowered carriable magazines across the board. There is more evidence that this is the case, which I’ll get into as we go along. Oh and the weapon also shipped with the wrong color scheme.
  
• SMG-72 Pummeller
  The only decent weapon in this warbond, and it’s just a re-skin of the Defender. The stun effect is cool, and regardless of effort, it is nice to have another 1-handed primary.
  
• Plas-101 Purifier
  Wow, something went wrong here. This weapon is clearly suffering from some kind of bug because it is a worse version of every single other explosive weapon in the game. Worse than the Eruptor, worse than the Crossbow, worse than the Scorcher even. There’s a theory going around that part of it’s damage isn’t working because the gun reportedly doesn’t track shots fired correctly. So it is possible the direct damage isn’t working correctly, and instead we only get the splash damage. Furthermore, in the trailer for the warbond, they showed this weapon 1-shotting a strider to the face, which got a lot of players excited because the striders had just gotten a buff to their explosive resistance which meant most weapons now needed 2 shots to kill them. And then the warbond released, and the Purifier needed 2 shots just like every other weapon. This only further supports the theory that this warbond was designed on an older patch, from before they gave striders explosive resistance.
  
• P-113 Verdict
  My verdict for this weapon? It’s outclassed by the Senator. Again, if this had been the old patch where the Senator still had to reload each round manually, then the Verdict would make a little more sense. You trade a bit of firepower and AP for a larger magazine that can be reloaded at once. However now that the Senator has a speed reloader, the Verdict just doesn’t make sense.
  
• Booster: Motivational Shocks
  I haven’t fully tested this booster yet, but from reading other’s experience, it seems like it reduces the duration of slows caused by attacks. That’s a bit disappointing to me as I was hoping this booster would act more as a “cleanse" that triggers when you get slowed and removes it. I guess that would’ve taken more work to implement but it would’ve made for a stronger and more interesting booster in my opinion. And we desperately need some more boosters because right now all I’m seeing is the same 4 every mission. Funny how quick they are to nerf popular weapons but for everything else, they seem to turn a blind eye (disclaimer: I am not asking for nerfs to the popular boosters, I am asking for buff/reworks of the bad ones).
  

In conclusion, this warbond is the worst one we’ve gotten thus far. It has 2 redeemable qualities, the SMG-72 and the impact incendiary, everything else is not worth it. Not to mention this is the 4th time we get a warbond that has a ton of new animations and they are all victory poses. Why Arrowhead? Why can’t these also be used as emotes? We literally have not received a single new emote since release, it is absurd.

Long standing issues that still haven't been fixed

To close off this compilation, here’s a list of issues that have been in the game since release that still haven’t been fixed, most of which have not been acknowledged by Arrowhead:

• Spear still cannot lock-on to things reliably.
• Arc based weapons still sometimes fail to target things, especially if there are corpses between you and a valid target.
• Scopes are misaligned on some weapons like the AMR.
• Hulk flamethrower sometimes 1 shots players.
  • This can also happen with bile spewers and bile titans.
• The bile titan often freezes upon dying, instead of ragdolling into the ground.
• Enemies ragdolling can sometimes result in glitchy behavior sending them flying. This is problematic as making contact with them in this state can be lethal.
• Bots can infamously sometimes shoot through terrain and obstacles. This seems to most commonly happen with Devastators due to their ability to track players behind cover.
• Having a massive dropship crash out of the sky and land on top of the bots seems to rarely do anything besides occasionally trapping them inside the wreckage until it despawns (which they often can shoot through anyway).
• The stratagem beam still inconsistently tracks sticked targets.
• The engineering perk that gives 30% less recoil when crouched also applies when standing or prone (don’t change this, just update the description).
• Thermites very inconsistently stick to things despite that being the whole premise of the item.
• Exosuits rockets are still awfully aligned with the crosshair
• 500kg bomb feels inconsistent or the visual explosion feels misaligned with the hurtbox
• devastators, spewers, and bile titans can fire their ranged attack at unreasonable angles, completely betraying the animation.
• The terrain around a detector tower is still hard to call down stratagems on.
• The last input for a Stratagem call-in or chat message is sometimes (or always?) misread as a standard input. This most infamously leads to controller users unintentionally using a charge of their supply backpack when an input sequence ends with “down”.
• Sometimes for an unknown reason, a player can become unreinforceable. This has happened twice to me personally since release, and the only fix seems to be leaving and rejoining the mission.
• The limb health bonus from the fortified perk gets overridden by the Vitality booster
• It's often hard to stand up from prone when you are surrounded, or if you are slowed.
• Sometimes Pelican-1 leaves immediately when only 1 player enters without starting a timer (I have verified from testing that this coincides with the pelican being on fire, HOWEVER it doesn't happen consistently when the pelican is on fire. This is why I consider it a bug rather than a feature.)
• If a bile titan dies on top of Pelican-1, there is a chance that it can cause the door hitbox to break, preventing players from entering the Pelican-1 (you can walk around inside the pelican, but your character doesn't sit down).
• When a weapon is changed, it's armory description doesn't update. Examples include the Eruptor still mentioning shrapnel, or the Liberator Concussive mentioning it has less damage than the standard Liberator, even though that's now no longer the case.
• Sometimes your camera flies off from your character, leading to confusion about your whereabouts.

TW also for self harm and I guess existential thoughts, depression.
So this culminated to a point for me last year during my birthday in the fall(won't specify, not sure if she uses reddit). I'll give a simple current event summary and then relay past events leading up(me is me, CS(31f): crap sister, LS(26) little sister, ES(36): eldest sister(only here sometimes, as she moved out shortly after her 18th, and then back and forth after tha), Mom(58): mom. SO(same age): ex-partner from junior year HS till age 24. I am trans male, but due to happening after most of these events, that doesn't really have any merit to this story, other than small details, like clothing)
I(28m) decided after not hearing anything on my birthday, and nothing before that since helping her get money for moving state after a divorce(an investing app offered her 1000 if so many people used her link to invest a free 5 dollar gift), to stop all contact and remove my sister from my social media accounts.
When we were kids, CS was the worst. Ever since I could remember, she showed a huge dislike for me. I don't haveamy good memories of her, and the ones I do, are followed, or closely accompanied by a bad memory. I don't have a lot of examples, since the good wasn't really that significant anyway(think, gifting me a stuffed animal when I was in the he hospital for abdominal pains at 8 or 9 years of age, then, after finding that it was a relatively minor issue that happened to cause a huge discomfort. I was told to drink plenty of water, and for my mom to give me a kids Tylenol if needed. She then snatched it back the next day and while I don't remember the exact words, made it clear that I only deserved it if I was really injured, and had wasted time). This was kind of a small(but very impactful) issue that still sticks with me today. I have to convince myself to go to he doctor to have certain issues checked. I recently only went because the numbness in my hands was getting worse, and I was told I had clear symptoms of carpal tunnel(I work in a kitchen, heavy lifting and fine hand movements are often). I also have a ganglean cyst, that has spawned a secondary cyst, in my left wrist, but that's another story.
She always put me down any time I did anything. Even looking at her the wrong way was infuriating to her(I didn't know what she was talking about until just a few years back, but I am diagnosed ADHD and suspected on the autism spectrum. I live on my own and have had a relatively independent life since I could physically and legally do so, just small aspects need extra attention). I'd ask her what she meant, and she'd yell at me. I wasn't rude either. CS:stop looking like that! Me trying to make my face more..plain?: like what? I'm sorry CS: stop it!, you know what you're doing! And you're doing it on purpose. Me: I'm sorry! I really don't know how I'm looking at you, I don't know what you want(I'm crying at this point) CS, getting up to hit me, like always: you KNOW what You're doing, Now stop it!
At that point, my mom had come in and yelled at my sister to calm down(I don't remember what all was said, I was maybe 6 or 7 and don't have the best time remembering the days with her) and that if she didn't like that way I looked, she could go.
Note about my mom, she had left my abusive father and moved several states when I was less than 4, my baby sister not even a year. He tried getting the legal system to bring her back, as the state they had lived in had always done. They told him that it didn't work that way, and they were legally separated. He was told to pay child support(guess how that went) and go to monitored visitation with us. That only happened a few times, and I only remember 2 of them. One visit, there was a person, I don't even recall the face, across the table, coloring and just doing art stuff. The second memory I have is us(me, CS, and LS. ES had a different dad who was not in the picture, and did not want to be. She stayed home). We played with toys in the waiting room for what seemed like forever, the sky was dark when we left. We never went to those meetings again(my dad apparently had told the caseworkers that if my mom wasn't required to meet with him as well, he wasn't interested in the he meetings). Since then, she has been a single mother, working as much as she could while still trying to balance raising us. I don't blame her for not being there, but I am a little disappointed that she never really admonished them, but merely, to this day, says that they may have been horrible then in the circumstances, but they still loved me.
Cue to elementary school, CS used to terrorize me, steal things I owned, destroyed things of mine. She was pretty stuck up and snobby to all of us, but it seemed to be targeted at me(her and ES did fight, instigation from both sides, and eventually made up some years later, but ES could and did fight back. When she could and was home. She worked too, and had a life later in high school, so that was understandable on her part, kind of) I, being younger, and, I guess, a little blind to some social and reactive cues at the time(I discovered I stare blankly while I listen to people. Facial reactions were too hard to focus on without losing attention to what was being said, if that makes sense). Any friends I had soon heard about the way she treated me, and the things she would accuse me of(not bathing, stealing, or just over embellishing embarrassing things about me to make people dislike me. Calling me fat, stupid, weird, etc). One of the only friends I had was a homeschooled girl. But I only got to see her on the weekends. Because my mom worked and ES had extracurriculars and later work(she is about 7.5 years older than me) we were watched by CS, and she didn't want to do the slightest bit of work doing so, which, flipped if it worked in or out of my favor often. Sometimes she'd be non-caring, allowing us to go to a neighborhood friend, so she wouldn't have to watch us. After having to come get us a few times, that stopped. One of the more traumatic times was when she decided to rig our doorknob(so that instead of a lock you flipped, it was a push knob, you push the knob into the door, turn the knob, and release. It's a non key locking system. I'm not sure if they are normally sold that way or if something happened, but it was installed backwards, so that you could lock someone inside of the room. Can you guess what happened? I was locked inside of my own bedroom, no food, no water, not even a bathroom break, during almost the entire 9 hours(mom worked 8 and commute) on a Saturday. I can't remember if LS was in there with me, but it's possible she was young enough to not even know what was going on, if she was in there. She's about 2 years younger than me, and this was when I was around 6/7. I was absolutely terrified. I cried, I screamed, I banged on the door. I begged to be let out for at least the restroom, which she refused, likely because I'd try to run and hide(the smart thing, duh). So there I was, freaking out that I had been locked in a room and cut off from all necessities. I don't stop crying until my mom came home, who, upon hearing the screaming, tore into CS about how wrong it was and what if we needed the bathroom or water, or even food. I don't remember her response(I probably don't want to) but my mom just glared angrily at CS as she left downstairs to her room. Mom made sure I got water, food, and restroom. I didn't mess up my room, that itself also created issues that I'll lay out later.
There are so many(too many) horrific memories from that time. It was hard all the time. I was insulted, isolated from my other siblings, and eve. Physically hurt. I'm not sure if the physical pain was worse though. I tended to forgive people very easily, and constantly, even into my early adulthood, tried my best to make her think better of me. She would steal clothes from me(cut them up to "fit her better". I was chunky, more medical than anything else, so with alterations, yes, they'd fit her. Like they'd fit an escort. Yes it's mean, but she's literally cut the pant legs off of jeans so that it was literally a jean thong. I only realized how terrible that was later on my teen years when fashion set in more within your social groups. And when they eventually didn't fit her(hah) she'd just throw them out and say they were a waste and wouldn't look good on me anyway. My mom told CS at the thrift store that she had to find outfits for me before finding herself some, and she would often try to just grab the first thing(usually ugly and wrong size) she could and the try to shop for herself(she was greedy with money. If CS found out a gift or piece of clothing one of us got cost more, she'd throw a fit and destroy our things. My mom once bought herself a vintage star Trek the original series collection, and because she didn't spend her tax return on CDs for CS, CS scratched up a bunch of the discs. My mom never even got to watch them before that. Some still played, but it felt like a loss). Mom didn't like that and said she had to help me find suitable clothes I liked. CS didn't like it, but obliged.
One of the larger things she did, when a 12/13 year old(I was 10) is she broke into an abandoned foreclosed house with a grown man, and stayed there for several days, or maybe a week or 2 . She ran from home often, blaming our mom for her issues was the norm for her. Everything was moms fault. Might've been her fault, though, was what happened next. My mom didn't want to call the cops on my sister, but knew confronting her alone and with an unknown man would be dangerous. So, probably against her better judgement, she handed me the phone(she worked at a cellular call center, in the early stages(2000's) of cell phones. She got them from the company for free, periodically). I called 911, per our mom's wishes. Explained my sister had broken into a house with a man and had been staying there. Once they heard that she was a minor, they didn't take long to get there. We sat up the road, in the car, watching it happen. Mom cried the entire time, but would not move from that spot until she saw that the cops had successfully taken her into custody. I just stared while it happened.
I know I shouldn't have had to make that call, but, due to being left alone all the time to my own devices, I had become quiet and usually kept my words and feelings to myself, and therefore seemed the most "emotionally stable" to handle it. Being put into that kind of spot was already happening with other issues, but they aren't relevant.
Over the years, more things happened that made me just want to be alone. LS even stopped being a target and was the precious baby sister (no issue with that in itself, but CS further alienated me from LS and I would once again be left alone. Being told I wasnt worth the time and that no one likes me, and if they did, it was because they pitied me, was an often occurance. My mom tried to stop it where she could but she had been met by the wrath of my sister(and before that, my father) for so long, she didn't want my sister to cause an issue that got us taken away from her. (We had been taken for some months due to some CPS workers believing my fathers lies about her being unstable and immoral. Given back due to no evidence, but with a struggle.) She didn't want to risk that again, so instead tried to keep the peace where she could. She had no family help, and was raising us all by herself. CS got physical, with even my mom, and it scared her. Out house was broken into numerous times by her ex boyfriends, ex friends, and people from..."groups" she used to hang out with. ES was also to the point of just not talking to CS or coming around that much anymore(after she moved out at 17. She also couldn't stand to be around CS)
An emergency later on with ES got her and CS bonding and acting like siblings that had a spat, and around that time is when LS was starting to get CS's attention. (I don't blame LS at all. It's not really her fault we never got to bond like siblings and even now don't know how to talk to one another freely). I still received the brunt of CS's wrath. She'd be nice, like offering some soda she bought, or some snacks, and then be a total b itch, sometimes going off and accusing me of stealing something.
CS: my chapstick is missing! Where is it? Me(roughly 8/9): why would I know? CS: don't talk back to me, I KNOW you stole it. now, where is it. Me, mumbling because I know what's going to happen:I don't know... CS: WHAT Me, wanting her to leave me alone: I DONT KNOW. CS: shut up, yes you do, I know you took it, now where is it??
At this point, I am crying and she has already hit me in he head and face a few times. After my refusing to answer, she just screamed and left me there, confused and wondering if I did take it.
She found it later. Never said a word or offered apology. This was a regular accurance all the way up until she moved out for the first time at 14. I learned to not use the phrase " I don't know" as often as I could because to her, it meant I wanted to hide something, because I obviously should know, and was choosing not to tell her and lie. It still happened, and yes, I got beat for it. We even moved school districts when I was 11(not related to the incidents) and I didn't want to make friends because I hated that they would eventually know her. It was rough to say the least.
A few years later, after CS moving in and out of home with boyfriend after boyfriend after boyfriend, starting at 14, I only had to deal with her while she was home, either between moving stints, or whenever she wanted to drop by and take things, like food or stuff she left with us. Sometimes she just took things. Mom was happy to see her come at all, so we dealt with it. While I heavily disliked the way she had treated me until then, I still wanted her to like me. So when she was home, I tried. When she lived with us for a few months at the age of 16/17, ES, now in her early 20s, living on her own, bought me and LS a laptop. It wasn't the best, but it was a laptop. Well, as you can guess, CS wanted to be able to use it too. Mom said we should because it was the nice thing to do and it would calm things down. So I made her a profile of her own. Not good enough. She wanted access to the main account, the one me and LS used. Now I wasnt into anything nefarious at the time, like p**n or anything, but I just don't want to give in to her being crazy and hovering. She looked for anything to yell at me for. She never once asked or yelled at LS for the password, even though LS knew it. It was my fault.
Next time I got the laptop back, the charger cord had some extra pieces stuck to it that I later found to be part of the internal charger port. She had literally ruined not only the charger, but the charging port in the laptop itself. Rendering it absolutely useless. Replacing that small part required the whole charger port to be replaced, and connections to be restored inside the laptop itself. So, it was a loss. No one seemed to ever be as mad as I was that this kept happening. Call me petty, but I held those memories as the deepest grudge, I still do. I kept pushing it down whenever she wanted to be nice to me, which in hindsight ended up being her needing something from me, sometimes even my company, because she couldn't keep authentic friends around. She got me stoned for the first time when I was 8 or 9 at one of her boyfriend's houses, and then gave me my first drink around the same age. Both with my mom not present. I was a child so when she told me not to tell in exchange for snacks and such, I obliged. I just wanted her to like me.
2 moments really stick out in the high school days before she left for several years to play wife to yet another guy. 1.The first was when we were actually hanging out in the kitchen of the family apartment, CS and ES were drinking and just catching up, while I was just by the kitchen drinking water. CS got pretty tipsy and, while walking into the kitchen, slipped and fell. She wasn't hurt or anything, it was just a small thing, and she ended up gigging and everyone laughed, like it was one of those fun family moments, y'know. Like in the shows. Well she looks and sees me laughing too, like literally everyone else. This is particular makes her mad and she gets right up and strides towards me. My mom yelled her name but before anything could happen, CS punched me right in the jaw. Only this time, I didn't fall, much less move more than an inch or 2. I already knew it was coming the moment she locked eyes with me. I stood my ground and just stared at her. I couldn't believe it. Even though I prepared for it, I still couldn't believe it. Everyone else has started laughing first. She had been gone for years. She herself thought it was funny. But seeing me, have fun at her expense, no matter how minuscule? No. Not happening. My mom asked her why she did it. She only looked at me, my face not even sad, just flat, like I felt nothing and hadn't been hit. But I didn't feel "nothing". I felt rage. Rage that, even at 14 and 15, even if others had joined, I was her target. She scoffed when family questioned her and stormed off. Nothing changed.

1. After that, I had issues with friends, yet again, because she was home. I, 16 at the time, tried to stay the night at a friend's house, but instead of getting input from my mom, I got CS. She demanded that I clean my "pig-sty" of a room. I shared a room with LS, and a lot of the things complained of, weren't mine. And even if I cleaned, the ADHD made it messy as I easily lost things and would flip my room in a panic. Regardless, I asked if I could talk to mom. Mom hesitated, but as well said no, likely because CS was there and my mom is, admittedly a pushover and a bit naive when it comes to them. CS was screaming at me on the phone, and my friend's mom heard it, and took the phone and asked for them(my mother, NOT my sister) to talk. After this, I told them my sister had issues and was a bad person(info with extra details omitted, but it's legal issues), and to not pay attention to the insults. Well friend's mom thought she should talk it over with my mom and I told her it's fine just discuss staying over, I'm not keen on going home.

My mom came after some minutes(we lived down the street), with, ugh, CS with her. I asked why she was there and her response was to make sure I "wasn't spreading sh it about her to gain sympathy". My mom went inside to talk to friend's mom and the big hit came. -Some background. I was depressed. Of course, with a sibling destroying any chance of normal social interaction and losing material items and even money, I wondered, from an early age, why. I didn't try to take my life up to that point, and anything I did was cuts, scratching, and punching. I did anything to control what I was feeling. I felt so many emotions, and some that I didnt know how to explain, some of which had followed me since childhood, that I couldn't get a hold of. So I turned to pain, something I could thoroughly control. It had been going on since I was around 12 in middle school, found out by my mom at 14/15, and I was actively in therapy(after arguing with ES and my mom that I needed therapy, and being told i was selfish). I was still 15 at the time. -Back to it. While my mother and my friend's mom were chatting, CS and I were arguing. I just wanted her to leave me alone, and told her so. The apartment walls werent the best, so CS overheard the things I had said about CS. None were lies, I just wanted someone to know. Deep down I still wanted her affection, but I wanted SOMEONE to hold her accountable at least. But it didn't end there. In the hallway, after hearing the main convo between the mothers, and hearing mine tell friend's mom that I fluffed up the issue because we dont get along, sibling rivalry(the usual excuse):
CS:I don't know why you have to blab so much, no one needs to know. Me: it's the truth. CS it doesn't matter. You don't even want to be here. If you're going to cut yourself, at least do it the right way.
I stopped talking and looked down after that. She smiled and continued waiting for our mom, while on her phone, probably the 4th one that year(she broke them often). It hurt. But hearing it didn't hurt as realizing that I felt it all the time. A grief from early childhood, that I didn't know the origin of, came back. I grieved myself. I still didn't know it then, I was just sad and numb. I thought death was the easy way out. Surely I didn't deserve the easy way. I continues the injuries, hiding them better and refusing to tell my therapist after a separate incident with my mom. Mom even stopped coming to the group therapy, and they told me it was specifically to help parents support their troubled kids, and if my mom wasn't showing up, I could no longer attend the group sessions. We would still have 1 on 1. But it made me feel even worse. Everyone in that group probably knew why I wanted there after 2 times with my mom absent. But I digress. After hearing my sister say that, I guess I became more serious about leaving everything and hoping for a better shot next time, if there was one.
Some months later, still 15 and in school I decided to try what I had heard: alcohol with a high number of any kind of pain pill. I took about 14-16(I don't quite remember, I just kept taking 2 at a time and quit counting at 12, just kept taking) of extra strength Tylenol. Took a shot or 2(or 4, I just did what I thought might be enough while not giving myself away) from ES bottle(she had moved home due to her living situation falling through), and went to school, hoping for the best(worst) I did get a little scared when I suddenly felt a spike in my heart rate, sweat, and a cold sweep through my body. This lasted several minutes, and I happened to be sitting at my desk in class, already having finished the assignment, so laying down on the desk looked normal. I waited and waited. The feeling got worse and worse, and painful, in my stomach and my chest. After a few grueling minutes of hoping it would happen, it didn't. While some residual pain remained in my abdomen, the other symptoms had calmed down. To say i was disappointed was a huge understatement. I went through the classes, saying nothing about having almost released myself from the harsh grip of empty reality. There wouldn't have been a point. I'd have been yelled at by my family for being selfish and wanting attention, just like when they had discovered my injuries and when I had asked for therapy. I was already threatened with being put into a mental ward for teens. Saying something and failing warranted worse consequences than not telling and succeding. So I kept silent and suffered. I decided that putting myself out wouldn't happen, and I would just deal.
I moved in with someone I was dating and their family just a few months after my 18th birthday(9 mo together). I hadn't even graduated yet, just finished credits early. CS had already moved out before that, but I just didn't want to be there any longer. I felt unsupported and pushed aside. Not to get into details, because it's not my story, but when LS was going through something(after I moved out), they dropped it all to help her and take her to therapy. Again, I don't blame LS. I may not like the way she handled her situation afterwards, but it happened nonetheless, and she was pampered by that demon and cared for by everyone else as the baby, so I've never had huge issues with her, but my family's reaction to her vs me was starkly different. Especially after being told several times by CS, ES and hinted at by my mom that I was always a little difficult, but not in a purposeful kind of way. Yet while I was "difficult" I was still thought to be relatively low maintenance due to the fact that I shyed away and prefered to do my own thing, alone. I mean, wouldn't you if you felt, no, if you knew, that certain family members just hated you, and others regarded you as difficult? When you just wanted love? I know that I wasn't normal like other kids, in that I didn't show clear emotion, or didn't know how to convey my feelings or needs. But I never tried to be an issue. But that's what I had always been told. That I was doing it at my own will, to make CS angry. I'm not even sure what about me always put CS off, but it weighed down for a while.
As an adult(18-20), it was better. Communication, but with less physical meetings, proved to at least be better for us. CS eventually started talking to me and my at-the-time SO, inviting us out. I think she needed company, because the man she chose to marry had all but cut out all male people from her life(don't feel bad, she did the same with his female friends)and her female friends were not always good friends, and maybe she knew that, deep down, I still wanted her approval. And boy was she right. We(me and SO, Same age) were always accepting her invitation. My SO had the train of thought that CS was at least trying, and that counted for something. At the time I agreed.
Around age 20, we were heading to Christmas with my family after SO's family celebration(we lived with them at the time, in hindsight a bad idea, totally separate issue). It was snowing and the car I was driving had belonged to SO's parents, so, respectfully, I requested to my SO that we pick up CS and take her to moms apartment(she hadn't moved since we left home, expenses and all). Well, SO was a momma's kid, and while we were getting ready to leave, SO told the parents about the extra trip and asked if that was ok. (At the time I don't think anything, but later on I realized that the mother was a huge control freak with attachment issues and the SO would always back her up in the end, even if there was a good chance we'd win an argument). Looking back, they definitely had an issue with my relationship with my family(mother mainly. Narcissist), but this was CS, and I already had reservations about her anyway. SO's parents said no, sorry. Unfortunately, SO was really dense(yes, I know, shut up) so I couldn't ask them to lie to their mother. I let CS know and was explaining that it wasn't my car and wasn't my idea to "get permission" from the owner(although, as mean on their part as it was, that had to be the case. I had only been given permission to use it for work of whenever me and SO went somewhere together. Yes, very controlling, but not the point). CS wouldn't listen. Instead, went on a tirade of how I was ungrateful and useless and all other insults that just echoed all of the childhood issues.
Story short, she ballooned the story to say that I told her I didn't want to take her and was being rude about it. ES texted me and told me not to come by at all(ES was paying a part of the bills and was an adult on the lease). No one would listen that this was just SO being dumb and, although yes I could've tried harder, it was not my fault. Myother called me that night and I cried, asking why my sister hated me. Why CS hated me. She could only say that sometimes people are angry and it's not our fault. While I appreciated her words, it didn't help. The gift I had for CS went unsent,(robe with her favorite design, Mary Jane) sat in my closet.
I mourned for a while but went on with my life, and that very next summer, I moved me and SO into an apartment. Made a deal with paying the car insurance and the basic gas/oil and regular maintenance costs, in exchange for just being able to drive the vehicle freely, and also I had my license for a year at that point(couldn't get it till 19, with my own cash and borrowing a car at the time), so they felt safer letting me use their car. Fair enough. moving on.
Some time goes by, and CS and ES end up falling out of touch again due to a made up issue(literally a dream where we made fun of her life and loss during her pregnancy. A dream. Mind you, she was also on substances this entire time, literally from the time she was like 11 or 12.) ES started talking to me again, claiming that she knew CS blew it out of proportion and just went along with it. Things go ok.1-2 years later Mom and ES move state. More things happen(kind of irrelevant since CS still isn't involved). Now LS and ES aren't speaking with me and CS comes in saying how she understands. I figured, it's was family, and I needed it. Right? And I was so confused on who to defend and back, my bio family or my SO, that seeing her, even with her sketchy SO, be able to have someone support her when she was put out, even if she was in the wrong and did the putting out, hit the family spot. Against everything, I started hanging out with CS. Up to this point , she hadn't apologized for anything really, but had given gifts, sent invites for holidays, and eve invited me, and sometimes SO over just to hang out(420 is legal in all the states I've lived in, so we had that in common at least). Start to not see CS in such a bright light since she has by that time(I'm 22 at the time) admitted to me that she cheats on her husband, they do hardcore drugs, and he avoids taxes, more stuff but I mainly ignore it cuz, hey, not my life, not my problem. Things go ok.
I leave my ex in 2019 and move out of my state in 2020 and in with family. Yay job closures. Now, this move was probably one of the worst, betraying, infuriating, heartbreaking things that I did as it showed some things about family that I really ignored since I hadn't created an irreversible issue until I lived back with them, as well as bring other heart wrenching events, but that's not important here.
CS now hasn't really sent anything unless it's to ask for help with something, which I do and she pays back, as always. That's not really the bad part. First was about 2 years after I had moved states to be with family. I had been paying ES money for rent, from unemployment(COVID), And had a surgery scheduled for just 3 weeks after the unemployment cut off(I had been looking for jobs but very little luck aside from some MLMs) and ES went ballistic, saying how i was putting them in financial strain(our mom had recently gotten a large tax return from COVID credits, as did she. I did not since I worked during 2019 and 2020. I also got no extra unemployment since it started after the main event. ES ranted to CS that I was a bum and was mooching and spent over a year not paying anything,( even though I had offered ES proof since ES had yelled at me before CS called me). She even posted personal information to insult me online to people I don't know, which is when ES told CS that, while she was mad at the situation, that was crossing a major line. I refused to call CS first, so after a few days, she called me. I laid into her what had been really happening by that point, that I had been paying and I have been doing door dash and donating plasma to continue to pay rent, which I Had talked about to ES. CS was silent during this, and I finally asked why any of the things in childhood happened.
Me: I just want to know why you always bullied me, and beat me up? The things you said?
CS: Well, I want to apologize, but I don't remember a lot of the stuff I did. I was usually high on something. Me: ...Not even telling me to off myself? CS:......-username-, I was a terrible person, and I was on a lot of stuff. I'm sorry that I don't remember.
I don't go farther cuz it's just me explaining everything and that I can't stand that Im always attacked. We hang up with CS telling me that she hopes the best.
Well, things kind of blow up, rent gets unpaid, money is wasted, and I decide to no longer pay and move to my own place. I don't talk to ES. CS chats sometimes, but not too much. After a while of not much texting, around middle of 2022, CS texts. Not exact, but I'll summarize it.
CS: hey, I'm divorcing my husband(I knew, mom told me earlier, didn't say anything) and I'm gonna move to Texas with this guy I've been talking to while married. I'm short on money to move into a place, so could you and mom maybe do this investing app and help out? Me: does it require anything like my credit?(Issues happened prior to this with another person) CS: no you just need to invest their free 5 dollars and keep the account open(I think for either 2 weeks or a month). Me: ok I'll get it started. CS: thank you so much! So how's the new Italian place? Me: it's good, it's called "blah blah blah" CS: ok cool, I'll look it up. Me: Okie dokie. So how's the move coming along
She never responded after that. I ignored it and put it on that she needed to move and focus on packing. I then went to our mom(I took her and her cat with me cuz I'm not monster) and told her the situation. She wanted to ask CS about what to do cuz I had to work in the morning and it was late. Convo:
Me: when you ask CS, ask "hey, -username- said you needed something, I have the app up, what do I do next?" Because this would explain that I told Mom and make CS answer what she wants.
Nope. She just sent "oh did you need any thing for moving, like money or anything?"
CS: hmm? Oh no, we're going to stay with his parents, but thank you for the offer! We'll be ok!
I got upset cuz I feel like I knew something was up. Asking me to help with money for moving to an apartment(she has a car large enough to pack her belongings and she didn't plan to bring furniture). I let it go and deleted the investment account, which continues to try charging me so I had to change banks. Very nice.
Now to this last fall(2023). I moved after that and there was very little interaction. I had been thinking about the relationships in my life and realized that being around CS in particular, or even being mindful of her, was causing mass amounts of resentment and anger in me, making my mental health dive. The lack of remorse and just consistent blaming of substances instead of the choice to do those substances. Claiming she's was a terrible person, but not saying anything about the issues it caused.
I decided that if CS did not even contact me on my birthday(she had skipped it before which isn't too bad, but one year even sent a message 2 months late and when I called her out, she blew it off and just said "oops, I was drunk, my bad".
So this last fall I wait. And nothing, till the end of the day. Honestly I didn't want to wait for excuses or anything. I just felt all of the anger of trying to get her attention and her love, and the desperation that I felt trying to understand why I never deserved it. So I removed her. Not blocked. If there are any emergencies where she would need to contact me(not likely), then it's there. I have a new number, so social media messaging was sufficient. I had done the same with ES.
The very next morning, I had a huge message about how she noticed that I had removed her(this site doesn't notify if someone leaves your friend circle) and about how she felt bad about what happened as kids but that she felt horrible for blocking people out for so long. Then another message telling me that she didn't want to be without her siblings again. Telling me that now, she was going to have a kid in several months, and how it's amazing and she's excited to finally be a mom and I'll be an uncle again(LS has 2 young kids of her own). I opened it and ignored it. She then said she tried reaching out and I left her on read and she hopes I have a good life.
Mentally, I may not be where I want myself to be, and sometimes I feel like I haven't moved forward from being that kid, that just wants to know why. But one step at a time, especially with therapy.
I wanna say I don't feel like the AH, or if I am, that is justified. But I guess there's always going to be a small part of me that wants to have the bonds that I never knew, even if it's too late by now.
So, am I the AH for just stopping contact and connection to someone I feel I just don't have a connection with?
P.s., sorry there's a lot, I honestly didn't mean for it to be this long. Please don't hate my late night grammar