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Lunetten, Utrecht, Netherlands, a higher density green suburb?

2024.05.16 08:10 Sad-Pop6649 Lunetten, Utrecht, Netherlands, a higher density green suburb?

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This might end up as a bit of a weird post. But mostly a very long one. I don’t think this place I’m presenting here is heaven, but without SuburbHeaven Thursday this subreddit may give viewers the idea that we’re all just hating, and this case study may help illustrate some of the alternatives and what one could like and dislike about them. I know that yelling “the Netherlands!” on any urbanist platform is overdone and so 2 years ago, but I also feel like the available “Netherlands!” content is giving people an incomplete picture. So I’m going to discuss a suburban neighborhood, Lunetten, in Utrecht, where I’ve lived for about a year now. It’s a place built in the 70’s and 80’s, housing about 11,000 people in 5,500ish homes, for a density of just over 4,000 people/km², 10,000 per square mile.
Obviously that’s pretty dense. In a North American context Lunetten may count more as an example of the “missing middle” than a true suburb, but I feel it still works as a comparison because it is situated at the edge of a city* and it offers features people often look to the suburbs for, like a low noise environment, plenty of green and child oriented features. So, what can we find in this example that people may like or dislike in their suburban areas?
If you want to look along on your favorite online map: 52° 3'53 N, 5° 8'13 E.
Traffic and transit
Lunetten has a clear main road (middle left image, bright pink line on the map) that serves as the main way of getting around by car. It is the only road where the limit is 50 km/h (30 mph), not 30 km/h. The main road has priority over all side roads, indicated by the exits or all side streets being raised a bit. The speed bump automatically makes one slow down to yield to the traffic on the main road. In the places where people’s front doors open towards this main ring there are service roads for them to do their parking and loading and such on. In the busiest part of the ring the road was raised a few meters so pedestrians and cyclists can pass underneath through tunnels. So while the maximum speed cars can go on most of the roads in this place is quite low, the time to destination is pretty good, because a lot was done to ensure a good flow of traffic.
A more debatable feature is the lack of through-traffic options. If you want to leave Lunetten by car there are two roads leading West, connecting to the rest of the city and to the 70km/h raised road that serves as the exit from the city. There is also one small road going South-East along the train line, and that’s it. Despite being next to two highways Lunetten has no direct on- and off-ramp accessing it, and even no direct way across the highways for cars. Cyclists and pedestrians do have options leading in basically all directions. On the one hand this does wonders for how quiet the neighborhood is, but on the other hand that one road taking people in and out of the city is still more prone to blocking than a direct ramp to the highway, so car owners will experience some travel delays because of this.
Lunetten is no public transit hotspot, but there are like two bus lines both going to more connected places including the city’s central hub, and the train station is two stops from said hub as well, which happens to be the biggest train station in the Netherlands.
Public Spaces
Even by Dutch standards Lunetten has a pretty urban-ish density. There’s a mix of mostly rowhouses and midrise apartment buildings, mostly gallery flats up to 5 stories tall, including the ground floor. To give you an idea of Dutch standards for density: I grew up in a commuter town of about the same size as Lunetten, housing 1,000 less people (present day numbers) on roughly 1.25 times the surface**. But what I find interesting is what that space is used for. In Lunetten, on the outer ring of the neighborhood, adjacent to the two highways, busy raised road and train line that surround the neighborhood, there are quite sizable parks (bottom right picture). There’s plenty of space for dogs to run off their leash, there are football/play fields, there are two skate parks, two ponds for amphibians to spend the winter in (granted: that’s an amenity most people could live without) and an entire petting zoo, in case you had doubts this was a suburb. Together with a football/soccer club, a tennis club, some allotment gardens and a small business park near the train station these parks take up most of the space where traffic noise is an issue. There is room for recreation and other daytime activities in the noisy bits (there are sound screens, but that’s not blocking all of the noise) so that peoples’ homes can mostly be in the quiet parts, shielded from noise by trees and stuff. And then there’s the neighborhood interior. You’ll see on the map a few yellow locations marked as “playground/square”, but in reality many, probably most, of the dark green “courtyards” contain a little playground too. All of the courtyards have grass, most if not all of them have trees, many of those trees being taller than the midrises. Some of the courtyards feature parking space as well***. The middle right image is far from the greenest example. The combination of the parks and the courtyards make Lunetten much greener than the actual smallish town I lived in mentioned previously. Plenty of birds live here too, including a bunch of water birds who enjoy the ditches and canals. In the smallish town much more of the space was simply used for row houses with pretty large gardens, and in the newer parts a bunch of four home and two home units and free standing homes as well****.
Which brings me to the reality check. With all these pedestrianized public spaces around and loads of playgrounds, is Lunetten actually a good neighborhood to raise kids? From what I can tell, opinions are mixed. Because one thing that does tend to come with density of people is density of crime. In my year here I have personally witnessed a man snorting coke off his bicycle saddle, in broad daylight, in the middle of a bike lane near a skatepark with playing children in it*****. There is also the occasional lost shopping cart dumped in a canal and apparently there was a pretty shocking supermarket robbery just before I moved in. Especially if your budget only allows for an apartment and not a house I could imagine feeling a little scared to let young children wander around near the house on their own, also maybe because of the canals and ditches they might fall into. The sweet spot age for children in Lunetten is probably around 9-12, old enough to be trusted with their own safety around water and some minor drug use and vandalism, yet young enough to fully enjoy all the outdoor play space.
The blame for the crime is often put on the street pattern that is said to attract drug dealers and the like who love having good get away options, and the many green public spaces and nice dry apartment building entrances are certainly not the worst place a homeless person could go to for another night of hopefully not being bothered by the police. More recently developed neighborhoods have tried to avoid these effects by using a “cauliflower pattern” for their streets, branched streets ending in a bunch of (at least to cars) dead ends. The downside of that pattern seems to be less sense of community. The more direct neighbors you have, the more interaction. That’s why cul-de-sacs can be so isolating after all. Lunetten is not the worst crimey part of its parent by a long shot, but it’s noticeable enough to be worth mentioning.
A planned neighborhood
The big advantage I think Lunetten has over a lot of other places is that it was designed in one go. The land it was built on was part of the Dutch Water Line******, and had to stay free of buildings and obstructions that would block the firing lines of defending artillery. (That’s what the two weird shapes in the northern park are: old fortifications, called Lunette 3 and 4. Hence the suburb’s name.) When the line was legally disbanded in 1963 Utrecht started planning to build a new neighborhood here. Because of the highways (current configuration built at the same time as the suburb) and the train line that surround the place it was very clear to where the neighborhood would stretch. And it shows. The suburb is designed as a cohesive whole. There’s a neighborhood shopping center (bottom left image and the main soft pink blob on the map) at the heart of the neighborhood. It has two supermarkets, some small other shops, several small fast food/lunch places in different styles, two bicycle shops and repair places (it’s the Netherlands), a restaurant (there’s another one on one of the forts in the park, which doubles as a sort of social work place), a community center which houses some clubs and such (not the scouts, those have a place in one of the parks) as well as a library. There’s even a bar (I think, I should maybe go there ones), and some space where small neighborhood markets and events turn up with some regularity. The other main soft pink and yellow blob in a convenient central location on the map is two elementary schools*******. In many more organically grown neighborhoods or places the amenities wouldn’t be so conveniently centralized or would eventually be “centralized” on the outskirt of town.
The Bijlmer comparison, what not to do
Another interesting point of comparison I think is the Bijlmer (Bijlmermeer officially) in Amsterdam, another green neighborhood designed as one big plan outside of its parent city’s core, yet quite different. The Bijlmer is nationally famous as a bit of a ghetto, a place where you don’t want to live. (To be fair: the plane falling down on it didn’t help its case.) A lot of work has been done to improve the place, but its initial “ghettoization” was surprising because the Bijlmer was never intended to even be particularly affordable, but more of a vertical suburb, spacious family apartments (around 120 m²) for 100,000 people or more in large highrise buildings with between them plenty of green. A quiet place, with quick access to the city, using density to save on land use and travel time. There are three main differences I see between the struggling Bijlmer and “doing pretty well” Lunetten: 1 The Bijlmer has a higher density through the use of massive apartment buildings, literally and figuratively increasing the distance between people’s homes and the public space. 2 The Bijlmer is a much bigger place, I’m not sure they ever got to those 100,000 inhabitants, but it certainly loses that towny vibe. 3 They’ve been correcting this in the rebabilitation, but as designed the Bijlmer had basically no amenities. It wasn’t a town or city, it was people storage, housing for people who mentally lived several kilometers away but couldn’t afford it there. See the rest of this subreddit for why that doesn’t work for many people.
Interdependency with other suburbs
Looking back on growing up in that smallish town I notice that there really isn’t that much of a difference in amenities. The town offered much of the same things Lunetten does. But Lunetten’s status as a suburb gives it a big advantage over that town. Because while suburbs mostly serve themselves, they also serve each other. Take sports: there’s a football and tennis club and two indoor sports halls in Lunetten, but what if I want to swim or throw spears instead? Well, there’s a pool in a suburb to the North, as well as an athletics stadium. After elementary school there’s no middle/high school in Lunetten, but there are in nearby neighborhoods, and there are even college options******** spread throughout different suburbs and neighborhoods. These things are closer than they are in a small town not because the suburb is associated with a city center, but because it is associated with other suburbs. There are things I liked about the commuter town, but having to take either an honestly too long bike trip or a bus ride that only went whenever it was not convenient for me whenever I wanted to do something my town didn’t provide, like going to school, wasn’t one of them. And I say that even as a spoiled person whose commuter town at least had buses and bicycle paths.
Conclusion
And that is I think the main takeaway from this absolute wall of text: suburbs don’t have to be places where there’s nothing to do and you feel disconnected from the world. That’s the entire point of living in a suburb instead of in a town: there are other places nearby. There is a balance to be found between private space, public space and connectivity. Essentially, in a neighborhood of 10,000 people, for every 100x100 meters of public space or amenities either every person gets 1 square meter less private space or everybody gets maybe a few meters of extra travel distance on the average trip. Lunetten probably provides too little private space for the taste of many North American suburbanites, but it does show I think that there is quite a bit of room on those sliders. A green place with amenities sort of near other places can still be built with more spacious houses. (Just maybe go easy on the sea of lawns?) And that’s when all the separated bike lanes and other urbanist talking points really start making sense: when you found the balance between having your own place, having local places worth going to and being close enough to other places worth going to, then you want a good way to get there.
The other takeaway I feel is that it pays to design neighborhoods as a unit. And that’s another reason why suburbs can be better than towns. A town of 10,000 residents can’t plan ahead for the next 10,000, but a city of several hundred thousand people can. And it pays off. Don’t lose track of the human scale though, planning 10,000 residents ahead might actually be better than planning 100,000 or 1,000,000 residents ahead when it comes to suburbs. It is still supposed to feel like a quiet little place with maybe a bit of its own identity.
* On the other side of one of the highways there’s a bit of forest tied to several historic estates that’s very nice for walking in as well as a golf course half as big as this entire neighborhood, this really is the edge of town and will be for the foreseeable future.
** I’ve also lived in several other cities since then, near the city center, further out and on the far edge in a highrise neighborhood. Honestly I might still prefer the smaller cities I’ve lived in, being near everything the city offers and even to some of the stuff outside of it. But work took me back to a larger city (pretend I said “less tiny” if you’re from Mexico City or something), and I could honestly have landed in a much worse place than this particular suburb.
*** Fun fact: this is one of the very few neighborhoods of Utrecht where parking is currently still free, because of enough parking space and enough distance to the city center. It really is a suburb.
**** In the 90’s a style of more expensive neighborhoods called “Vinex” set standards for the ratio of more expensive to cheaper houses in those neighborhoods, and ever since both contractors and local politicians refuse to let go of those ratios everywhere. A newer, competing vision is that we shouldn’t be building new neighborhoods at all, just filling in the gaps in our cities. So now we mostly build quite large houses, but only in very small spaces. We’re still not sure where that massive housing shortage came from, somehow.
***** I stopped and addressed him because I thought he was having bicycle trouble, chain ran off or something. Quite a chill dude, very apologetic, but still maybe not exactly what the average parent is looking for in a neighbor.
****** More accurately: Holland Waterline, because it wasn’t the only Dutch waterline, but it was the main one defending the part called Holland. But that sounds a bit off in English.
******* We have a bit of a weird school system, for every public elementary school there is at least one other founded on religious grounds or based on some specific didactic theory. That’s why there are two schools in the same central location instead of just one bigger school or two in separate locations.
******** If I start going into the differences in advanced education systems we’ll be here all day, but there are options within cycling distance ranging from trade school to university, depending on the field you actually want to study *********.
********* I could start using other symbols instead of these confusingly long rows of asterisks, but where would be the fun in that?

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2024.05.16 08:06 shivamshad When is Mitral Valve Repair Surgery for the Heart Performed?

Mitral valve repair is a surgery performed to correct the mitral valve, ensuring it functions properly. It is a safe and effective method without resorting to cutting the breast bone. It has long-term benefits, preserves heart function, and avoids the need for anticoagulation. It is a less invasive procedure that experienced surgeons and teams should perform. Dr. Sujay Shad, a senior heart surgeon at Sir Ganga Ram Hospital, one of the best Heart hospital in Delhi, strongly advises patients to consult with an experienced doctor before undergoing this surgery, ensuring they receive the best possible care and guidance.
Read on for more details on this surgery!
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What is a Mitral Valve?
The heart’s Mitral valve is situated between the heart’s left upper and lower chambers. It acts as a one-directional valve that ensures blood circulation in the right direction. When the valve opens, it enables blood flow from the lung and left atrium to the left ventricle. When the left ventricle contracts to pump the blood into the body, the mitral valve closes to prevent blood flow backwards into the lungs. Blood flows from the lungs via the heart and throughout the body.
When does one need a Mitral Valve Repair Surgery?
Mitral valve disease develops when the valves in the heart’s upper chamber do not open or close properly, allowing blood to flow backwards out of the heart or restricting blood flow to the left ventricle. Hence, mitral valve damage or deformity hinders its functioning, and the person may need surgery to repair it.
Symptoms of Mitral valve diseases are not always noticeable until they become severe.
Some of the symptoms of mitral valve disease may involve the following:

Shortness of breath
Fatigue
Heart murmur
Swelling or oedema in ankles or feet
Arrhythmia (abnormal rhythm of the heartbeat).

Mitral Valve Repair Surgery Procedure
The Mitral Valve Repair in India began after several tests, such as a blood test, physical exam, and medical history review, were conducted to determine whether the person’s health was well enough. The patient will also be given specific instructions to prepare for the surgery, such as fasting for a certain period before the procedure and stopping certain medications.
In this surgery, the patient is under general anaesthesia. The surgeon will create small cuts on the chest, opening the middle of the chest at the breastbone to access the heart. Depending on the severity and type of the disease, the surgery may involve excess tissue removal from the valve and separating or reconnecting the leaflets of the mitral valves.
The surgeon may perform tightening of the valve by following techniques:

Annuloplasty: In this procedure, the ring surrounding the mitral valve is known as the annulus. It is reinforced or tightened to reshape the valve so it can work properly.
Mitral valve clip: In this procedure, a small metal valve clip is inserted via a catheter into the heart from an artery, leg, or groyne. This clip helps reshape the mitral valve. It is a minimally invasive procedure for patients at higher risk of complications.

Benefits of these Heart Surgeries:

Minimal pain
Less risk of wound infection
Fast healing
Smaller scars
Quicker recovery.

Recovery after Mitral Valve Repair
After the surgery, the patient must stay in the intensive care unit for 24 hours for further monitoring. The patient may need to stay in the hospital for several days based on their recovery and the severity of the disease. Recovery may take several months, and the patient can resume their regular activities only after the doctor’s advice.
If you have any doubts or questions, consult an expert heart surgeon, Dr. Sujay Shad, at Sir Ganga Ram Hospital, Heart Hospital in Delhi, for more details on this surgery, and its cost in detail!

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2024.05.16 07:47 Caroline_channing22 Freebies with purchase

Hii everyone🤗so I am giving away some freebies with purchases. So all you have to do is, you have to go through my profile and see the available products and when you buy them, I will be giving away some freebies along with the purchase. So now when you buy the product, you are going to receive any of the following freebies. Some of these freebies are from the Luxe category, so those freebies will be given according to the cost of the product that you’re purchasing, so the higher the amount of product the more there are the chances that you will be receiving a freebie from Luxe category. You might also be lucky enough to receive more than one freebie🤭The following are the freebies- 1. L’Oréal brow artist expert pencil

Mac prep plus prime, natural radiance base in the shade, radiant pink.
DOT & KEY cica+niacinamide oil free moisturiser
Bobbi Brown, vitamin enriched face base.
Nail press ons
Holika holika damask rose sheet mask
Miniso charcoal blotting sheets
SOL DE JANEIRO bom dia bright cream
MAC magic extension Mascara
Silver heart anklet(can be worn as bracelet)
Mirabelle sea buckthorn ultra facial sheet mask
Zara rose gourmand perfume
Miniso travel set
SNA STUDIOS hypoallergenic,anti tarnish, stainless steel anklet(can be worn as bracelet)
Rings

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2024.05.16 07:43 Strong_Panda Removed my Breast Implants Today - No Capsulectomy - Q&A Thread

Sharing my breast explant, no capsulectonomy exprience. This thread is to explicity discuss and answer any questions for individual considering the explant procedure without capsulectomy. I am more than happy to answer any pre/post-op questions you may have!
Hi all! 😃
I had my breast explanted today without capsulectomy, 6.5 hours post-op, and so far, so good! It is one of the best decisions I have made and regretted having the breast implants most of the time. It now literally feels the weight lifted off my chest and can breathe deeper. The brain fog I had since the implants were installed over 8 years ago decreased. The head clarity after a few hours post-op is unreal, this itself confirms that I have made the right decision to remove the implants. 🥹
I had made a personal choice to do the explant without capsulectomy and have considered the pros and cons of all options. I am fully aware that the BII community strongly advises removing the capsules. I know the advice are with good intentions, but kindly refrain from leaving comments stating I should have remove the capsules and soliciting capsulectomy/en bloc advise. Some folks are only interested with just a simple explant and their decisions are to be respected. I encourage everyone to do their research/be informed with all explant methods and make their own decisions before proceeding any procedure they choose to do.
Please feel free to ask questions. If anyone is interested on the pre/post-op progress, I am more than happy to share the details. ☺️
Some additional information: - 39 years old - 132 lbs, 5'5" - Original breast size 34C - Implant size 34DD, 400cc's - Mentor smooth high-profile silicones - Impants were installed in December 2015 (over 8 years ago) - Explant without capsulectomy cost: slightly over $8,000 CAD (Calgary, AB, Canada) - No lift, no fat transfer - The pain is currently 3/5, I'll see in a couple days if it increases. I am thinking to just take Tylenol extra strength for pain management. - Capsules are soft, thin, no capsular contracture issues. - Some BII symptoms experienced while having implants (brain fog, joint and muscle pain, constant neck shoulder tension, occasional heart palpitations at night, insomnia, occasional shortness of breath, certain food intolerances developed, ringing of ears, and blurred vision). - After the surgery, some the indicated BII symptoms indicated above have decreased (specifically the brain fog, joint and muscle pain, constant neck shoulder tension, ringing of ears). I am hopefully the remaining symptoms will resolve with time. Fingers crossed! 🤞

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2024.05.16 07:38 Oilypete2023 Heart Rate /Spo2

Some information for new people in group on heart rate and spo2
Heart-rate and spo2
RingConn tracks Heart Rate every 2.5 minutes, so in the 5-minute graph, there are two values within a 2.5-minute period, and in the 30-minute graph, there are 12 values, and display the range from their minimum to maximum values.
All heart rate values during the entire wearing period are used to calculate the Average Heart Rate.
Spo2
Basically, the frequency of blood oxygen saturation measurement is at most once every 5 minutes. Day and night
Temperature is averaged through night (nightly reading )
Respiratory rate is averaged throughout the night ( nightly reading )

submitted by Oilypete2023 to RingConn [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 07:30 Oilypete2023 How the Ring/ App work

As there’s a lot of new users, here’s some info on how the ring / app works - hope it’s of some help
Remember your email and password keep it safe.
The ring holds up to 6-7 days data, all readings that go into app, are held in rings memory until it syncs with the ring and phone app.
No need to have phone with you all the times, but always sync between 6-7 days
Syncing means :- the stored data on ring is sent from the ring via Bluetooth to the app - the app then sends the data to algorithms on the main servers via WiFi from phone - this is decoded then returned within short time from servers via WiFi and loaded into the app so you can read it.
Each time you sync ring this happens as above.
Battery charging :- charging case holds around 18 full charges or more smaller charges - charging case takes 120 mins to fully charge (solid white light ) no indication of charge in case only lights
Over 40% white - orange light under 40% - flashing orange = fault on ring/ chargepower lead poss.
Ring takes 90 mins to charge up ring, charge is indication in the app. ( notification sent to phone when100%)
You can charge ring anytime between 20% and 80% for best efficiency for lithium batteries, - do not let ring go below 20%.
Ring should last between 5-7 days depending on how much you sync ring with app or use exercise mode- sleep apnea etc - these all use extra power
Charger can be charged anytime to top up but do not let go flat, best say every couple months to top it up, just put on charge for a hour if topping up battery.
You can take your vitals measurements live at anytime, ( in heart rate and spo2 vitals area ) using app and ring together by pressing measure in app screen
Heart-rate is recorded every 2.5 mins and spo2 every 5 mins and stored on ring.
Firmware :- firmware is part of the rings brain - if ever you see firmware update available - just accept and install it, do not touch anything until completed - you see dial showing progress.
If firmware does not install it’s possibly ring battery below 30% just charge ring then reinstall firmware - this can be done manually in app.
App update :- the app gets regular updates it will be shown either on phone or may have to go to app/ playstore to update app - usually it’s shown as available in group as well.
If you want exercise mode, in app press the orange running man bottom of screen in summary page. Remember if using outside running you need phone with you to track your gps map and mileage - won’t record without it
On summary page are notes icon - this is really handy for recording daily anything you want - you can go back and look at notes - daily- weekly- yearly anytime in app
Very handy play around with it you can take photo then add it from your saved photos, medication , anything in app of concern - literally anything you want.
Graphs/ bar charts can be changed view in the top right icon in screen, and in vitals can be put to larger screen by pressing icon top right of vital screen and screen goes sidewards / larger zoom.
Slide fingers along any graph it shows times and readings
Aeroplane mode - if using this it stops Bluetooth connection with ring- ring still records all data- when you take aeroplane off you need the charger to reconnect Bluetooth with the app - otherwise will not connect to app
Ring lights - ensure the ring has both small bumps / lights in underside of finger on fleshy part as this area is where measurements are taken.
Solid green: When measuring the heart rate with the ring, both green lights will light up simultaneously for 30~60 seconds.
Solid red and green: When measuring SpO2 with the ring, one red light and one green light will light up simultaneously for 30~60 seconds.
Press your profile in app here you can put in a picture - also fill in user name- birthday- gender - height- weight- you can adjust weight anytime here
Any issues or questions use feedback in app - me- FAQ/ feedback - use this first so engineers app development teams can read and act on your info - do not just send email
Feedback is your main route of reporting anything or asking questions, you will get email back with reply.
Play with the app you can’t break it, don’t be scared of pressing anything lots of other screens in main summary pages - if not sure ask questions in the group lots people knowledgeable in app workings.
Hope that’s of some help don’t be afraid to ask any questions.

submitted by Oilypete2023 to RingConn [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 07:29 punkrockbipolar little story

hey I was going through Reddit and saw a cool funny story so here’s mine
At the time I was highschool, and my best friend who’s now passed, had got hit in the face by some jackass at his private school. So he told me, and since I was rolling with the bad kids(dealers$)I thought I was sooo cool lmao. I drove to my friend since they all got out of school early on Wednesdays I knew where they all would hang out. “It’s him! The skinny prick” my friend yelled out For the first time in my life I had fallen in love. I never thought love at first sight was real, but there I was in awh. I straight up told my bestie, “Wow, he’s beautiful. I have to meet him.” You can only imagine the face my friend made. Haha. I introduced myself to him, and we hit it off. Mind you, this guy is straight af and I knew it, but his beauty was immaculate to me. I didn’t care honestly it’s not like I was looking for a boyfriend ykno? So for whole day we hung out and here comes night time I offer him a ride home & he actually asks me if he could spend the night. My body was intoxicated by teenage hormones. I couldn’t believe this. I told him I was gay just to make sure he knew and he said “and?” I remember laying my head down on his slim body. His pecks were not much larger from his slimmed, toned waist. It was my first time being in bed with another man. I told him I was gonna go to bed (mind you I thought he was just being nice and felt bad for me or something LMAO) but since I had never felt such emotions I went with it. He tells me to close my eyes and get some sleep so we can hang out all day the next day. While my head is laying on his upper abs/chest part of his body, I would be inhaling his body scent lmfaooo. Very non chaulant, like he couldn’t hear me. My eyes are closed for about ten minutes at this point without making a sound. My hand was right over his belly area and I could feel his little happy trail on my pinky and ring finger. I honestly wanted to just rub his whole body bc he was like a Greek statue not even joking. I’m not sure if he thought I was asleep or not, but next thing that happens just made my little teenage heart explode 🤯 he gets my hand and slowly pushes my hand with his down into his boxers. That was my first time ever feeling another guy’s dick. I remember just getting hard as soon as I brushed up his bush. When my hand got over his cock I was still in shock pretending to be asleep. He then got my hand with his, and had me hold his balls just like that. I then started to laugh out of nervousness lmaoooo. With his hand still controlling mine he had me jerk him off. I have so many great stories with him. He was honestly my first love, and he was never gay, maybe that’s why I was in love w him?? He has a girlfriend to this day, never had another gay friend bc we spent two years together and I never spoke about what we had between eachother to anyone, but since we were well known in our city there was a lot of rumors and he couldn’t take it anymore. To this day he’ll message me like twice a year just to check up on me.

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2024.05.16 07:10 quacktats My mother got drunk again when I was home, only this time she ended up crying and telling me she was sorry for being such a terrible mother… but all I felt was nothing.

I live states away from my parents now, and whenever anyone asks if it’s hard to live that far away from my family I always laugh it off and tell them we’re a “long distance relationship type of family”. I do occasionally go back to visit for a holiday, and on this particular visit we were all shooting the shit while drinking a bit. One drink leads to another, and when my father goes to grab more my mother somehow ends up sobbing, crying to me that she was so sorry for being such a bad mother.
I felt literally frozen. I’ve fantasized before about what it would be like to have my parents say sorry. To finally feel vindicated, to know that someone else outside of my head can acknowledge what happened to me. But I felt… nothing. My usual response whenever anyone ever apologizes for anything is an automatic “oh, don’t worry about it/you’re completely fine!”, yet saying that or even a justified “yeah you were a bad mom” couldn’t make its way past my lips. All I could do was just hold her as she cried until my dad came back and we pretended like nothing ever happened. And of course, it hasn’t been brought up since.
I still feel pretty numb about it. On the one hand, I know my mom didn’t have the healthiest childhood either, and my heart bleeds for the little girl she once was. On the other hand, the very last time I was home she ended up calling me a bitch, gave me the silent treatment for the remaining 6 days while I was there, and hid my deceased grandmother’s wedding ring I was supposed to get but “didn’t deserve” because I “gave her attitude” when I tried communicating my boundaries in a particular situation. Mild, I know, but good lord did it trigger the worst flashbacks in the beginning.
I don’t know, man. All I know is that I’m exhausted, and deep down I’m still just a kid that’s grieving for a mother they never got a chance to have.

submitted by quacktats to CPTSD [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 07:10 newsu1 To Be, Or Not To Be: An Exaltation of Life

To be, or not to be - ah, weighty question! Yet the answer rings clear as morning bell: To be! And in that choice make full confession Of life's resplendent glories none can quell.
What riches lay before us, souls unbounded, If we but open hearts to drink them in? The raptures of creation, beauty-rounded, Whisper to our depths where small joys begin.
For in the crimson-petaled bloom unfurling, The bird's sweet-lilting melody at dawn, The mighty forests in their grandeur whirling, Life's tapestries by Nature's hand are drawn.
To be, and bear the wondrous weight of being! To thrill at the vastness of this cosmos bright, Where marvels lie past mortal minds' far-seeing, Unveiling grace immanent to our sight.
What ecstasies await the vibrant spirit! The fired muse's rush, the lover's bliss, The seeker's quest for truths we may inherit, The radiance of service's warm abyss.
Let those who will embrace the darksome ending Turn their gaze inward to the void's cold blight - My path is upward to the zenith wending, Aflame with faith to be, and dwell in light!
For is not each sweet pulsing breath we savor A gift unmatched, a miracle to embrace? And in this fleetingness what nobler favor Than living to ennoble our brief sojourn's trace?
To be! What crowns upon that choice lie waiting For those whose ardor burns to serve life's plan? Glories outshining reason's feeble mating With mysteries beyond the reach of man.
Compassion's compass ever pointing outward, Guiding us toward the good we all may seed, Love's unifying essence ever-southward Flowing, quenching anguished souls in need.
Ah yes, to be! What wealth beyond all measure Is ours to claim with open arms embraced! To drink the draughts of every fiery pleasure And wear joy's brilliant diadem rightly graced.
To be, and be, and evermore still being - This is the path my steadfast soul has willed. Pursuing deathless valor's sacred freeing, The cup of life's ambrosia shall be filled!

An Ode to Existence

This powerful poem is an exaltation of life and all the profound beauty, joy, and meaning that comes with choosing to embrace our existence fully. Through vivid imagery and soaring language, it makes a compelling case for why "to be" is the answer to that famous existential question posed by Hamlet. Let me walk through the key themes and messages in an uplifting, inspirational way:

Affirming the Choice of Life

The poem opens by presenting the iconic question "to be, or not to be" and immediately affirms that the clear and resounding answer is "to be!" To choose life over the void of non-existence. This sets an optimistic, life-embracing tone.

Reveling in Nature's Grandeur

It then launches into a celebration of the wonders and "resplendent glories" of the natural world that surround us - the blooming of flowers, melodies of birds, grandeur of forests. The poem paints these as "life's tapestries" woven by the skilled hand of Nature itself. This reminds us with captivating imagery of the profound beauty we're blessed to behold simply by being alive.

Exalting Human Experiences

The poet then exalts the personal joys and transcendent experiences available to us - the "raptures" of artistic creativity, romantic love, intellectual discovery, and selfless service. These speak to the vast realm of meaningful human experiences awaiting those who choose "to be."

Rejecting Nihilism

With compelling passion, the poem contrasts its vibrant, life-affirming stance against those who would "embrace the darksome ending" of nihilism or negation of existence. The poet fiercely declares life the superior path, one leading towards an "upward zenith" of light, glory and self-actualization.

The Miracle of Existence

Each breath we take is reverently called "a gift unmatched, a miracle to embrace." This simple yet profound truth encapsulates the optimistic message - our very existence is a privilege and a wonder we should appreciate fully.

A Call to Compassionate Living

The poem uplifts our ability "to ennoble our brief sojourn's trace" through compassionate living aligned with "life's plan." It depicts an inspiring vision of love's "unifying essence" flowing outward to "quench anguished souls in need." This promotes using our energy for good to create an uplifting legacy.

An Eternal Affirmation

Ultimately, the narrator proclaims they have chosen "to be, and be, and evermore still being" - an endless affirmation of existence itself. The closing crescendo calls the "cup of life's ambrosia" something to be relished, elevating our fleeting lives to a sublime, almost mythical level of significance.

Conclusion: A Tapestry of Optimism

In summary, this poem is a rich tapestry of exuberant humanity, romantic reverence for nature's majesty, and an emphatic endorsement of life's inherent beauty. Through captivating words, it makes an impassioned case for choosing "to be" as the path to fulfillment, meaning, wonder and soul-nourishing experiences. It's a powerful ode to optimism, appreciation for existence, and humble gratitude for the extraordinary gift of being alive.
Newsu

submitted by newsu1 to Word_of_The_Day_Affir [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 06:00 Choice_Evidence1983 My (38F) Husband (39M) hid having lunch with a coworker (25F) and said my food was ‘tasteless’. What do I do?

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRa-Lunch
Originally posted to relationship_advice
My (38F) Husband (39M) hid having lunch with a coworker (25F) and said my food was ‘tasteless’. What do I do?
Trigger Warnings: emotional affair, verbal abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation
Original Post: May 5, 2024
I want this to be quick. I feel really weird about this and I’m on the verge of asking for a separation.
So, I’ve been with my husband for 15 years, married for 11. Amazing relationship, small bumps of course but nothing like this.
I’ve always made lunch for my husband to take to work, and up until a little over a month ago that was fine. Middle of March he said that a new Turkish food stand opened up outside of his office and that he had been eating lunches there instead because they were good. Alright, no problem.
So he just completely stopped asking for lunches. I had maybe packed 5 during this time frame for him, but I’m not even sure he was eating them now.
So on Thursday I was at home working and I had a phone call from him, thought he was calling during his lunch but he had butt dialled me instead.
At first, I didn’t hear much, just him talking to someone, and I was about to hang up until I heard a woman’s voice as well. I wouldn’t say I’m a jealous person, but I was a little bit curious so I muted my call at work and listened.
It was just standard conversation at first, he was praising this woman’s cooking A LOT. Which of course made me realise that he was eating lunch this coworker made. I was a bit peeved but there’s an explanation sure.
Although that went out the fucking window when she said “is it better than your wife’s?” To which he replied “Oh yeah, without a doubt. I mean, it’s not tasteless for a start” followed by laughing.
First of all, what the fuck is that supposed to mean? 15 years of cooking and NOW he has a complaint? And not even to me but some coworker!!
Also, that absolutely isn’t innocent on her end right? I’m not crazy in thinking that’s so weird, why even bring me up?
Anyway, I raised hell, ended the call, sent him a message not to ‘worry about my tasteless cooking anymore’ and that he ‘can eat from the bin’ from now on.
Hes apologised, said that he loves my food and was just trying to seem cool in front of his coworker. I asked why he lied about where he was getting lunch from, and he said that initially he did get it from that stand, but the coworker started offering and he didn’t want to tell me because he thought that I would get jealous (yeah, can you blame me?)
So, I’ve been airing him since. I’m still pissed to be honest, I haven’t made him lunch or dinner, only for myself since he said that he dislikes it so much. He said today that he’s apologised and that I shouldn’t keep punishing him but I’m literally an inch from going to my mums. I have a suitcase with my clothes packed under our bed ready.
Dad thinks it was a stupid comment, but that I should work it out, mum is on my side regardless of my decision. I’m thinking about leaving for a few days at least, maybe a separation but I honestly just want some reassurance if that’s what’s best here?
Relevant Comments
OOP on if this was a one-off situation

OOP: It’s a one off and so insanely weird coming from him. He’s never been that type of person at all. I can’t remember a single time hes said something negative about me to myself, never mind to someone else!
He hasn’t been suspicious with his phone of behaviour at all. He comes home on time and if he’s out with friends I can pretty much confirm it, so I’m not sure. Maybe at most an emotional affair or a crush? But at the moment I don’t think he’s cheating. I honestly just feel really hurt

OOP on if her husband can cook or not

OOP: He can barely cook, so it’d be more of a punishment for me to be honest. I’ve been making him cook for himself since this happened and he’s been miserable. Definitely agree with the asshole coworker though, no clue why she had the audacity to try and bring me up like that
I didn’t know. Yeah he’s apologised, but I’m still pretty hurt over it. Cooking for 15 years just to have him badmouth me sucks. Ideally I want him to cut ties with that coworker of his too for bringing me up. He won’t mention much of her but I feel like she’s just as bad too.
I’m also pretty annoyed he lied to me for a month about the fact that he was eating lunch with this coworker, her lunch too. I don’t see why he would

Blue-eagle-23: Has he agreed to stop having lunch with her? Even if she is not hoping to get with him she is certainly not a supporter of your relationship.

OOP: He said that he’ll stop having lunch with her and apparently has done since that happened. (Although I have no way of proving this)

the_taco_life: If he's not cheating on you with his much younger coworker, he wants to/is trying to. Man my vagina would dry up and blow away in a puff of dust over such classic creepy older dude behavior.
You're not overreacting. You're under reacting.

OOP: I absolutely feel it drying up already. It’s like everything I’ve found attractive in him has gone. He’s just so plain to me now.

issa_username29: Yeahhhh honestly I’d probably leave for at least a couple of days too, overhearing something like that would piss me off! Has he been weird with his phone or any other communication devices?

OOP: Absolutely nothing! No change in behaviour either. He hasn’t been cagey or weird, he’s let me use his phone whenever before all of this happened. He’s been completely normal

Update May 7, 2024
I’m back. It’s not a great update but you all deserve one for all of the advice you gave me on my last post.
He confirmed that he developed a crush on her, it’s an emotional affair at least and that’s all I really need to hear. I sat him down and had a heart to heart with him.
Bottom line are these points.

if I hadn’t of heard what he said, he most likely would have continued flirting with her, he admitted this himself.
he liked the attention, she had bad mouthed me previously (I didn’t ask for examples) and he didn’t shut it down because he liked it.
She has actively been persuing him for over 3 months now, he hadn’t put a stop to it until I caught him.
The Saturday before last she offered to give him a blowjob during lunch together, he declined, but he told me that he let her feel his muscles over his clothes.

The only reason he said all of this fucking shit was because I was all sweet and I said “I promise, tell me the full truth and we can move on, I’ll forgive you, I just want to know”
Right, fuck that. He is packing his bags. This is MY house, and it will be treated as such. I really don’t care anymore. If he’s seriously deluded himself into thinking this is going to last, he can crack on.
I’m genuinely so angry more than anything. I did everything for him. I make double what he does so I paid all the bills, while we used his money for fun stuff. When we met he had crippling CPTSD and body dysmorphia. I did fucking everything to help him get over it. I dealt with his night terrors every bloody night, despite it ruining my sleep. I reassured him constantly despite not getting it back. All of it without a bloody complaint. You love someone so much just for them to throw you away so easily.
He cried, had a panic attack that I had to calm him down from and is now taking his time packing. He keeps stopping to come into the living room to ask for a hug. I can’t even express how disgusted I feel, like I physically can’t even look at him anymore.
There was no need, if he was unhappy he should have told me, I don’t know why the hell he even felt the need to get some validation from this girl but sure, whatever.
He keeps saying he doesn’t know why he did it, but of course he knows, he’s just too much of a coward to tell me.
Well whatever, it’s done now. He’s leaving, his family is back in Germany so fuck knows who he’s staying with, probably her but I’m washing my hands of him.
Thank you for all of the advice you gave me on the last post, so many great ideas that I didn’t even end up needing to use because he just down right admitted it all to me.
Relevant Comments
Katatonic92: Doesn't know why he did it? Here's my guess based on the info you shared;

You saw him at his weakest & most vulnerable, you are clearly still his backbone judging from his current behaviour. He doesn't get to play the toxic image of manly man to you, in his mind, you are stronger than him. I guarantee he hasn't opened up to her about any vulnerabilities he has, it sounds like she has appealed to the toxic manly man ideal of making food & offering blowjobs to the big, strong muscular man. He gets to inflate his ego in a way he can't with you.
Not only have you emotionally supported him, you are also the main breadwinner, the provider. You cover the bills, the roof over your head, his contribution is the unnecessary fun stuff. This is yet another blow to the toxic manly man's fragile ego. He probably considers himself financially superior to her, his money could hold more "value" to her instead of it just being fun money you won't really miss.
He is older than her, gets to seem like the wiser, more worldly adult of the relationship. He will feel superior to her in every way he feels inferior to you.
He enjoyed the negative comments made about your food, not because they were necessarily true but because it meant you weren't perfect & someone else was validating it. Again, when you are insecure it is easier to find faults be derogatory towards a perceived threat to drag them down, instead of building themselves up.

Conclusion. Major insecurity, inflation of ego from someone he feels he holds superiority over. And as fucking usual, instead of recognising this bullshit, speaking to his wife who has done nothing but love & support him, go to see a therapist to work on his feelings, he goes down the easy road. Instead of doing the work to overcome his feelings of inadequacy, it was so much easier to gravitate to someone who not only let him ignore those feelings for a while, they also found a way to tear you down.
I'm sorry you are experiencing this, it is truly pathetic when someone would sooner risk causing this terminal heartbreak, than suffer short term discomfort by communicating. It's pathetic.

OOP: Jesus fucking Christ. How do I pin a comment? That’s so unbelievably true I can’t even say anything.
Physically he’s pretty intimidating. He’s 6’6 and about 270 pounds, and he can be pretty scary to people who don’t know him. But he’s always been extremely sweet and kind, and that’s one of his biggest insecurities, looking like a man but not ‘feeling’ like one. Which has always been bullshit to me. But yeah, everything you said is literally him.
I can’t even thank you enough for writing this. Having it down fully on here is so incredibly validating.

OOP on her husband’s co-worker being a problem

OOP: She is A problem. Singular. I’m not running to her house to curb stomp her because I don’t know a damn thing about this woman. But regardless. Yeah, she wanted to fuck a married man, is that fucked up? Absolutely, and if the chance comes around I’m being petty and getting revenge. But seriously, who’s the hell is she? Did I spend 15 years of my life with this woman? Did I make vows to her? NO.
Read this, then reread it sir. My HUSBAND, is at fault here, because he knew damn well what was going on. He knew this woman wanted him, he knew what was going to happen and he let it. What can I do to her? Nothing, what can I do to my husband? Divorce him. That’s the bottom line.
For the love of god, stop dick riding my husband and move on, it’s actually insane that I have to say this but no one is defending that woman, no one, we’re coming rightfully for my husband because of HIS part in all of this.

Soon to be ex saw my update, came to my house. I’m safe. - May 9, 2024
I can’t post another update to the relationship sub, and I didn’t know if people would see it if I just made an edit myself on my other post. Some shit went down, but I’m okay. Yesterday night STBX contacted me. A lot of people told me to delete my recent update made of the post, it honestly slipped my mind that he could be reading it too,
He said that he was a bit hurt that I’d think he would go for Alimony. But that he understands given everything. He told me that he wasn’t going to but if he needed to sign something to prove it he would.
I said given everything that’s happened he can’t blame me for being on alert. He said that he’s quit his job and that he’s thinking about returning to Germany to be with his family there, additionally he says he’s cut contact with that coworker. He apologised again and wished me the best
Right, and that would have been just fine by itself. But I woke up at about 2.15am last night needing a wee and I saw my ring door bell going off. I have footage of him just sitting outside my house talking to himself. Literally he got there at 1 ish, knocked, sat down on my front steps and just started talking. I slept through it and only woke up because I needed the bathroom. I literally sat in my closet for ages just watching the camera not knowing what to do until he left at 3am.
He’s probably going to read this too but I’m somewhere safe, I just can’t tell you all for obvious reasons. He sent me a message saying he can’t lose me, that I’m the love of his life. I told him to fuck off and blocked him.
I really can’t say much, but I’m taking action. Absolutely don’t worry about that little prick.
Just a possible last update, it’s a bit risky to tell you what’s happening now that it’s gotten a bit shittier, just in case it gets back to him.
Relevant Comments
OOP on her husband blowing up his life for his emotional affair and doing anything to get her back

OOP: I did end up asking him why he declined her offer for a blow job. I feel like at this point it’s pretty done and dusted, there isn’t really a need to keep lying.
He said the main thing was that he was a little bit afraid to cross that line, and that he had rationalised to himself that since it hadn’t turned physical, it wasn’t bad. (He didn’t really elaborate on why he was afraid, but we were each other’s firsts, so that’s maybe why?)
I cringed a bit writing about her feeling up his muscles. It feels a bit gross to type out for some reason. My STBX is a physically big bloke. He’s 6’6 and roughly 270. He was in the military for a while and he never got out of that routine. I really don’t know what he means when he says his muscles. I mean it could be any of them.
My heart does really hurt for him in a strange way. I was a bit panicked this morning after I woke up from the nights drama worried if he had a night terror or something. I know that he betrayed me, but I still can’t stop hoping that he’s okay. I’ve messaged some of his friends to check up on him just in case.

OOP on if she and her husband have kids

OOP Nope! No kids thank god! We’re childfree

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 05:20 xxfasteddie 40F and 42M Dating 8 Months She Wants Marriage. Too Soon??

So everything has been great between us. Invited her to my brothers wedding, where she met my parents and some of my family. While taking a ride in town, I joked and said "I never want to get married". I guess she really took it to heart and was upset about it.
That was in March. My lease ends in my apartment soon, so I floated the idea of just moving in with her at her new home. I pretty much go there all the time anyways, since she has a dog that is not allowed at my place. I said it a few times about moving in, which would help her out and me out. Didn't hear anything so didn't want to push her.
Finally, I had to let the apartment complex know I was either staying or leaving since I have to give a 60 notice. I once again asked, and that is when she called me.
She basically said she wants to settle down and have a family soon since she is getting older (just turned 40), and its really important to her. I told her I wasn't really thinking about marriage right now, but maybe in the future. We have only been together since August of last year. Then she told me we both wanted different things and we should take a break from each other.
I really like this girl and I don't know what to do. I have child with another woman (he's almost 15) and I think the whole going to court for Child Support with him, and all the drama with his mother scares me to have another right now. Is that a bad thing? My friends say I should get her a promise ring, but I remember that being something we did when we was in our teens. I sent her flowers the other day and she liked those.
I told her lets discuss everything in person, and she agreed to dinner at the end of this week. I really could see myself marrying this girl, but I just think its too soon since we have only been dating for less than a year. Maybe I am wrong. I have been feeling broken all week. I know I'm not getting any younger myself. Just seeking advice on what would be the best course of action here.
Like should I do a really long engagement. Or stop being such a baby and marry the girl already.

submitted by xxfasteddie to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 05:01 vanessasmy Something special I did for my rainbow baby 🤍

Ever since my dog, Bailey, suddenly passed away a few months ago, I'm still thinking about her. She came from abusive owners and when we adopted her, she had severe trust issues. We tried our best to care for her and nurture her and she eventually warmed up to us. Our family felt complete with her presence as we often enjoyed playing with her.
Unfortunately, a few months ago, she fell sick and passed away within the span of a few days. It was traumatic amidst all the medication and vet visits, we were shocked and heartbroken as she meant so much to us. We've been thinking of ways to remember her and keep her close to our heart and my partner and I found rings that could allow us to bond our love for her. If anyone's interested in getting them as well, they actually use ashes from your pet to make them into a diamond ring, I'll share the link privately if anyone's interested...

submitted by vanessasmy to RainbowBridgeBabies [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 04:51 cantchooseusername3 How serious is the tone of your world?

I am starting to imagine the kind of fiction i wanna create, and one interesting dimension Ive been thinking about is the seriousness spectrum, which I imagine as having something like the Lord of the Rings on one end and maybe Adventure Time on the other end, with Warhammer 40k or Harry Potter maybe somewhat in the middle, although it depends on each particular portrayal.
Obviously every work of fiction has at least a speckle of humour and at least some meaningful serious themes, often intermixed, but how committed are you to either taking things seriously or having light-hearted fun in how you treat your world?

submitted by cantchooseusername3 to worldbuilding [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 04:51 cantchooseusername3 How serious is the tone of your world?

submitted by cantchooseusername3 to worldbuilding [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 04:45 semiurge D20x5 Staristocrats of the Faufreluchean Future

Inspired by Solomon VK's Faufreluche posts.

D20	This staristocrat's badge of office
1	is a golden diadem which projects a hologram of Old Sol from its highest tine, as well as the rest of Man's Cradle-System orbiting about it.
2	is a hideous diamondoid mask made in the image of an alien demi-god from whom their esteemed house claims descent.
3	is an auroran magneto-cloth cape which flares with the oscillations of subtle fields.
4	is a porous meteoric amulet that echoes with the music of the spheres.
5	is a blade of enchained magnetic monopoles channeling ouroboric tangles of plasma - ever-glowing, their patterned glows expressing the cyclical yet self-degrading nature of the cosmos, able to cut through all but the most unnaturally enforced materials.
6	is a scepter containing a degenerate micro-verse within its topping globe.
7	is a battered helmet pulled from the suit of one of the first humans to reach outer space.
8	is a battle standard bearing the heraldry of their family, and topped with the head of a lion, preserved and animated to roaring unlife by cybernetic tubes woven through its flesh and bone.
9	is a halo of abstract mathematics, written directly on the fabric of space-time rather than mere matter.
10	is a pauldron of fused silicon, the remains of an artificial intelligence which almost overcame humanity.
11	is a dilating-lens lantern of an indestructible, orange-green alloy - fully unleashed, its actinic brilliance can guide in a ship from high orbit.
12	is a vial of their own, genetically-perfected blood, crystallized into a ruby-like gem.
13	is a crown of golden rings hovering about each other, each engraved with the zodiac of a different solar system.
14	is a famous artifact of Earth preserved within a temporal stasis-orb.
15	is a set of infrasonic pan pipes that can manipulate the minds of men and machine alike.
16	is a holy book written by the first settler of their world, in an eclectic script unreadable by anyone yet living.
17	is a shield with a brazen, hypercubic boss and a rippling purplish forcefield about.
18	is a labrys bearing edges honed to subatomic sharpness with whetstones hewn from the preternaturally dense heart of a collapsed star.
19	is a bowl holding a fractal bonzai grafted with branches of every fruit-bearing tree of humanity's homeworld.
20	is the head-sized smaragdine egg of some voidborne beast, the inevitable hatching of which is said to herald the end of the universe.

D20	This staristocrat's holdings
1	lie under a dimming sun, weakened by its fusion-harvest which forms the foundation of the staristocrat's wealth.
2	contain no life-bearing worlds, its population sustained only by technocratic hydro-pneumatic despotism.
3	bear the glassy-green sheen and asymmetrical mutations left by ancient nuclear war.
4	are mineral-rich but poor in organics and water, expending most of their export-wealth on life-giving imports just to survive.
5	produce a unique and inimitable spice, and are thus coveted by an extra-solar rival.
6	are either watery or gaseous, with dry, solid ground an unimaginable luxury - the populace living on great rafts or aerostats.
7	have recently absorbed a mass of refugees fleeing a black swan xeno-threat.
8	were enclosed from the common space of comet-cowboys, who plague it with their raids to this day.
9	are nestled among the ruins of an extinct alien civilization, probed only gently for fear of waking their automatic guardians.
10	are slowly but surely having their life-giving atmospheres stripped away by the rapacious solar wind of their red gigantism-suffering sun.
11	are deliberately kept ignorant of the wider galactic community to reduce their capacity to revolt, and so that the ruling class can portray themselves as deific through their technological capabilities.
12	are undergoing a long and delicate process of terraforming which structures cultural and religious cycles around these artificial seasons and critical thresholds.
13	are overgrown with a police state only nominally under the staristocrat's authority, and the computational bureaucracy that's arisen to process all their surveillance.
14	are infamous for their permissiveness, and abound in every sort of vice.
15	are torn apart on a planetary scale for the sake of resource-harvest and industry, and what unruptured ground exists is blanketed in choking smog outside sealed habitats.
16	were recently seized from a treasonous vassal and bestowed upon this staristocrat - the old holder's sympathizers still lurk within the population, evading the claws of inquisition.
17	exist mostly fictitiously, as moving shell-games of companies and titles.
18	are centered on an ecumenopolis with some roads paved with stones hewn before humanity's ancestors came down from the trees - its corners hide occultic dens of our darkest imaginings.
19	are generally scorching, deserts or liquid hells, their structures mirrored and extending tubes of heat exchanges and radiators like a seraphim wings.
20	are verdant in all forms of life - none go hungry, yet many are eaten, and a clan of masked physicians go about the populace to rebuke the tides of plague.

D20	This staristocrat is attended by
1	a harem of genetically-engineered Willendorfian Venuses, bearing a continuous stream of heirs who will duel over the matter of their inheritance in the arena of their crèche.
2	artful historians hunchbent over data-tablets, preserving every moment and detail of the staristocrat's life in imperishable crystalline records.
3	nigh-invisible bodyguards swaddled in light-bending metamaterial cloaks, heat haze auras ready to strike down any offense against their master.
4	clanking cyborg-knights - behind their cuirasses are tanks preserving the most loyal and chivalrous parts of their mortal brains.
5	slaves bearing explosive collars - the tribute of many conquered worlds.
6	a squadron of musclebound eunuch-janissaries raised from childhood with size- and strength-stimulating hormones and non-stop brainwashing.
7	clones of themself educated according to various traditions as diverse yet biologically-partial advisors.
8	the cryogenically-preserved heads of their forefathers, which sometimes dispense shivering, crackling counsel.
9	hovering laser-turrets fitted with targeting algorithms able to anticipate their master's desire to kill before it's consciously felt.
10	an enormous parrot with impeccable skill at mimicry, whose mind has been overwritten with every song recorded by humanity up until the time of its creation.
11	a pair of titanic wolfdogs, with metallic teeth that could rend apart a tank and hides that have turned aside artillery-shells.
12	the plush animatronic companion of their childhood, its digital personality updated to be a competent advisor.
13	a caste of butlers who've served their family for generations, bred like pedigreed dogs.
14	a choir singing their praises, the choir's lungs replaced with cybernetic jet-intakes slatted between ribs, so that they might sing unceasing.
15	a former whipping boy, their oldest friend, bearing the delicate scars of tremendously sophisticated tortures.
16	tumbling jesters dressed in patchworks of impossible colours captured from the coronas of half-real suns.
17	technotheologic angels dancing through the air on wings of incandescent blazons.
18	abductees from primitive worlds fitted with neural implants which make them believe they are simply in an extended dream.
19	a team of chefs who can prepare the delicacies of a dozen worlds, never repeating the same twice in their master's lifetime.
20	grey masters of anagathic science, whisper-arguing over the injections and ointments that will quicken them a while longer.

D20	This staristocrat's court
1	is entertained by a vapourous alien intelligence which takes possession of lesser courtiers through a fanciful hookah.
2	has its lesser members partially memory-wiped when they attend it - able to recall their skills, yet unable to remember much of their own identities, and so how to apply those skills for personal benefit.
3	is deliberately, performatively humble, held in barns and suchlike.
4	is overlooked by a cine-dome showing stars, moons, and constellations in fortuitous alignments.
5	is addicted to novelty, and constantly seeks new performances and grotesques.
6	is made up nepotistically of their siblings who did not win the contest to inherit the throne.
7	are waited on hand and foot by fragile ceramic robots imprinted with the tightly-enchained engrams of political criminals.
8	takes place entirely remotely - members are provided radio-devices with frequencies that trigger voice-like vibrations in great bells this staristocrat is in the constant presence of.
9	were at first ironically and now legitimately entranced by a bloody cult of sacrifice and agonies.
10	has been forced to accept elected representatives from among the populace by a revolt - to the grumblings of those who attained their positions through inheritance.
11	is wracked by a scandal involving mistresses overspending from public coffers.
12	is perpetually-wrapped in augmented-reality projections of mythic mimesis.
13	is burrowed among the roots of the biggest mountain of their throne-world, so that it could survive all but the most devastating attacks.
14	are all accompanied by a member of an order of courtesan-assassins implanted with acid-glands in case their charge shows overt disloyalty.
15	solve disputes among themselves with duels, and drill daily with various weapons and fighting styles.
16	is held within a hollow pyramid, with this staristocrat at the top point and many stairs and levels filtering petitioners between them and the entrance at the base.
17	is largely taken over by a conspiracy to poison this staristocrat, and even the uninvolved have begun to circle like vultures.
18	is a ring of stone thrones built to scale with the renown of the one who sits upon them - this staristocrat themself sits like a small child on a throne fit for giants - their seneschal on a stool.
19	is held around a colosseum, where gladiators and vicious alien beasts fight for their amusement and haruspexies.
20	is itinerant, a grand airship which hovers above the realms of hosting vavasours.

D20	This staristocrat's noble flaw
1	is hubris - they believe they can become like God by funding breakneck scientific process.
2	is bravery - they will fight to the last in the face of overwhelming odds, even if better options present themselves.
3	is honour - their thinking is rigid and totally un-utilitarian.
4	is generousity - they give without thinking, disrupting economies and fostering dependence with their largesse.
5	is parental love - they spoil their children on a terrible, cosmic scale.
6	is a thirst for justice - a continent has burned due to their need for a punishment fitting a truly awful crime.
7	is filial piety - their increasingly-senile dowager-mother has them tied around her bony finger.
8	is tolerance - they've cultivated cosmopolitan communities, yet failed to confront division and rising extremism.
9	is an aesthetic sense that is souring into decadence.
10	is persistence - they are a dogged obsessive.
11	is realpolitik - they've alienated possible allies with ruthlessness.
12	is faith - they lean often into outright zealotry.
13	is cautiousness - they often dive into outright paranoia.
14	is competitiveness - they're innovative, but often only in the tortures applied to defeated rivals.
15	is cleanliness - they have advanced to a purgative germaphobia.
16	is contentment - they have come to peace with all things, even if others demand their action.
17	is honesty - they will never lie, even if it benefits them and their people.
18	is is humility - they are overly-convinced of their own incapacity.
19	is romantic love - their spouse manipulates them to their knowledge yet total acquiescence.
20	is imagination - their fancies often end up unproductive or outright destructive.

submitted by semiurge to d100 [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 04:38 winelizabethadore Is Infidelity Cut and Dry? I feel so lost.

My husband and I have been together for almost twenty years. We have been married for 11 years. We have 3 young daughters. I wouldn't have called our life together perfect, but we were solid, from my perspective. We never had a dead bedroom. We didn't get to go on dates as often as we liked, but we always had a great time together.
Background info: our kids have health issues. I have a sleep disorder that causes my brain to skip normal REM cycles. I am constantly exhausted. I often fell asleep with our children at night, which was upsetting to my husband. He didn't understand how by their bedtime I truly could not read to them without falling asleep in their beds. (I am on a new medication and for the first time, I am able to function somewhat normally, so this is less of an issue now.) My husband has a very unusual work schedule, so he is often awake into the night alone.
In late December 2023, my husband had a major depressive episode. He experienced disassociation, etc. It was incredibly troubling. I did my best to be a supportive partner. I helped him to rest and carried as much of the load of our family and home life as possible. I encouraged him to start therapy, which he did in January.
Mid-January, I went out with my sister for a short while. I was nervous leaving my husband and the kids. I thought he might have a lot of anxiety and depression. He told me I needed to go so that he could try to live normally. His therapist urged him to do so.
During our night away, I received an email from my husband telling me he no longer wanted to be married. He told me he loved me. He said I was the perfect woman for him, and the best mom he could ever imagine to our kids. Basically, it's not you, it's me.
When I got home, I was a wreck. I cried. He apologized. He said he didn't mean what he said, but that he just didn't know what was wrong with him. He said he just needed to go to therapy and sort himself out. He acted really cold and distant.
I asked him if there were things about our marriage that he felt were lacking. He told me he often felt alone. I asked him if he would be willing to work on this. He agreed, but he refused to commit himself fully to repairing our marriage. We began spending more time together. As always, it was good when we were together. We laughed. We had fun. Sex was good. But he felt strangely disconnected. Honestly, it was so embarrassing to be trying so hard to make my own husband love me back.
The truth trickled out bit by bit. Once a week he would meet up with his best friend. They would work out and then have a beer and catch up somewhere. After some time, my husband started becoming attracted to the bartender at the place they were going. And it was mutual. He even went alone more than once to sit at the bar while she worked.
He reached a point where he convinced himself that I didn't love him, and that our marriage was hopeless. He began daydreaming about some future life with this bartender. These daydreams were not sexual in nature. They were about going on getaways, dates, and snuggling on the couch watching shows together. (Honestly, this was so much more hurtful than if he'd have been daydreaming about sex.)
He had been telling his therapist about all of this, but I had no idea. While I was pouring my everything into trying to fix our marriage, he was still going to the bar to sit and hang out in her presence.
Finally, it reached a boiling point when the bartender realized that he was married. I'm not sure how she missed his wedding ring. He swears he wore it, but who knows if that is the truth. Apparently, she heard him talking about me and our kids with our mutual friend. She was indignant about him never having told her he was married. He realized he had crossed a line if she was so bothered that he was married. Obviously things had left the realm of his mind. He was upset with himself for having done so. He left that night and never went back.
He swears up and down that their interactions never left that bar. There was no physical touch. There was no texting. He never asked her out.
But he carried on a daydream relationship with another woman. He told me he didn't want to be married. When things were at their worst, he told me he was going to stay somewhere else to figure things out. That day I know he searched for her online.
I had to tell our kids that their daddy was moving out for a while. It was awful. They were so upset. They had a million questions that I could not answer. He ended up deciding not to leave, but we came so close to separation. He risked everything. He came so close to destroying our family to take a chance with a woman he hardly knew. I no longer feel the security I used to feel.
He talked to his therapist, and she suggested that these daydreams might be his mind's way of escaping reality. She said that he has always wanted to do these things with me, but that he had convinced himself that it was impossible, so maybe he had replaced me with a substitute in his mind. She suggested he ponder that.
When he did, he said it made perfect sense. He said that he met this girl in the middle of a horrible mental crisis and the depths of depression and loneliness. He said she gave him some attention and he liked it. He said he couldn't understand why he couldn't stop thinking about her and the guilt had been eating him alive. He said that she is not even the type of person he would ever consider being in a relationship with. He knew the whole time it didn't make sense, but he felt out of his mind.
He swears that since he had the epiphany that what he really wanted was to have that fulfilling relationship with me, his head has been on straight. He says that he is as sure that he loves me, and always will, as he is sure that he needs to breathe air.
We are trying to reconcile. Things have come a long way. He is extremely remorseful. He is willing to do anything to help rebuild trust. He says this is the worst thing he has ever done in his life, and that it will always be his biggest regret, hurting me so badly. He is trying so hard to demonstrate his love in meaningful ways.
But I'm still hurt. I'm still lost. And there is a part of me that doesn't understand why. In marital counseling, my husband often points out that he didn't actually cheat. But I feel like this was some sort of infidelity. I guess I don't know. I look up infidelity resources, and the advice feels like it applies in many cases.
(He doesn't make that clarification to dodge responsibility, but he says that he says he feels it is an important distinction. He says that he made these awful choices because of his mental state, and that he fully owns them, but that he did stop himself from taking things further than they went because he is knew deep down that this things were not who he really was or what he really wanted.)
If this doesn't apply, I really apologize for posting in this sub. If it does, please help me figure out how to move forward? It has been months, and I cry every day. I am deeply depressed. My heart is just so badly broken. I wish this never happened. I wish he had just come to me and told me about his needs. I would have done anything in my power to bring him peace, happiness, and make him feel loved and content. I want to feel safe with him again. I want to trust that he will always love me, and that in his heart of hearts, he loved me even then, but there is this awful feeling in my heart that just won't go away.

submitted by winelizabethadore to survivinginfidelity [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 04:33 new2Reddit812 Proposal Ruined

My boyfriend of 5+ years asked me to go ring shopping. I was excited. I picked out a ring in the store but that ring was previously owned and my boyfriend did not want to purchase a previously owned ring. So the store said they could get the exact same ring in from another store by the date he needed the ring. My boyfriend was told he had to pay in full for the ring. The ring was purchased on 4/20/24 in full. ($7k with the guarantee it would be in his possession on 5/1/24) He took their offer of purchasing the ring with their 18 months same as cash credit card. He had a trip planned out of state to see Morgan Wallen. Tickets were purchased in October 2023. The store knew the circumstances but gave my botfriend their word. We were anticipating the arrival so we could head out of state.
4/27/24 he went to go pick up my engagement ring and was told he’d have to leave with a “temporary” ring for the proposal. He came and got me to tell me there was a problem and he would not make the decision on his own knowing how we have spoke all week about the ring I fell in love with. I went into the store and was greeted by the store manager. That is when I went into shell shock. The moment I’ve been waiting for was ruined. The store manager was honestly one of the rudest and unprofessional people I have ever encountered.
I was told If the proposal meant that much to me I could end up keeping the “temporary” ring. Remind you the “temporary” ring was valued at less than what my boyfriend paid. I didn’t want a proposal with a “temporary” ring so I declined.
We left that night with no ring. Hearts shattered. With knowing we were going to Tennessee since it was planned 8 months prior and paid for. We both are in our 40’s and prior to ring shopping he asked my dad for his approval. Childcare was prearranged. We never plan a solo trip. This was truly a trip we both couldn’t wait to leave for and even though we both tried to make the best out of the trip we couldn’t because we both were devastated.
On 5/5/2024 I went to the store alone after reading their polices and was so angry nobody told us on 4/27/24 we could have returned the purchase so we could have had our moment. The ring my boyfriend purchased couldn’t be found in the system. Not even my boyfriends name. The store had my ring listed under a “stock” item. All of it doesn’t make sense to me. The manager was going to let us leave with a “temporary” ring without a purchase. Then return the ring when mine came in. The “temporary” ring would not be insured! What if the ring got lost, stolen, damaged? Who would have been responsible? I’m still in complete shock. I can’t believe we were treated this way. I’m curious if anyone has ever had this happen to them?

submitted by new2Reddit812 to EngagementRings [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 04:25 Interesting_Leg_3115 Type me based on song lyrics I connect to

Song Lyrics I connect to
I listen to a LOT of music, so I’ll just go with some I really connect to
All the lyrics from Fire Drill by Melanie Martinez but I’ll pick a few
“Crying inside cause nothing I say ever comes out right” -Fire Drill
“I’ve never fit into any category Always deemed an outcast” -Fire Drill
“I’m bad at public speaking But I’m speaking now so hear me out I personally believe that everyone is fully capable of more than what they’re doing All of the bullying All of the screwing around with people they don’t really know” -Fire Drill
“I am not apart of anything that is hateful Love is seeping out my pores, I don’t feel anger anymore, even for people who hurt and betray me” -Fire Drill
“I’m just another teenage tragedy And life keeps draining my batteries” -Teenage Tragedy- Rory Webley
“You don’t want to know me, I will just let you down” -Castles Crumbling- Taylor Swift
“Now they’re screaming that they hate me Never wanted you to hate me” -Castles Crumbling
“I’ve got a smile cut into my cheeks I hide things when I speak Looks like I mean it I guess I’m a joker My hairs burnt from the bleach I hope you like what you see Need you like me I guess I’m the joker Why so serious?” -Joker, Rory Webley
“The thoughts in my brain, I’m going insane I’m somebody Arkham Asylum could never contain” -Joker
“Seems kind of dumb to worry bout good grades when this generation’s dealing with its own black plague”—Everybody Dies, Rory Webley
“It’s kinda sad to watch your superheroes fall from grace”- Everybody Dies- Rory Webley
“Feels like I’m dead before I’m even in the casket” -Everybody Dies
“Telling me that the end’s getting closer While I’m sitting on my phone scrolling TikTok turning my brain into a toaster” -Everybody Dies
“Your heart’s too big for your body That’s why it won’t fit inside You pore it out where everyone can see” -Crybaby, Melanie Martinez
“So what if I’m crazy, all the best people are”—Mad Hatter, Melanie Martinez
“You and I’ll be safe and sound” -Taylor Swift, Safe and Sound
“Why do I always spill? Feel it coming out my throat Guess I better wash my mouth out with soap” -Soap, Melanie Martinez
“Why’d I put my heart on every cursive letter?” -Melanie Martinez, Pity Party
“Why not me?” -Washing Machine Heart, Mitski
“What was I made for?” -What was I made for- Billie Eilish
“Loving you was lethal, guess that makes me evil” -EVIL, Melanie Martinez
“If you bite my hand again I will never feed you” -Melanie Martinez, EVIL
“I like shiny things but I’d marry you with paper rings You’re the one I want And I hate accidents Except when we went from friends to this”-Paper Rings, Taylor Swift
“I see things that nobody else sees”- Dollhouse, Melanie Martinez
“I’ll try not to starve myself Just because you’re mad at me” -Tv- Billie Eilish
“It’s you that I lie with As the atom bomb locks in”—As The World Caves In- Matt Maltese
“I’m not cool and I’m not smart and I can’t even parallel park 🤪” -brutal- Olivia Rodrigo
“Who is in control?” -Control, Halsey
“Go on and step on me” -Step On Me- The Cardigans
“You’re perfectly imperfect, You’re hurting but you’re worth it You don’t know why I would waste my time But I’m falling and I mean it I want you like I need it There’s nothing you could try to change my mind Cause I’m In Love With You” -Perfectly Imperfect, Declan J Donavan
“Your body is imperfectly imperfect Everyone wants what the other one’s working” -Orange Juice, Melanie Martinez
“My heart just burst like the glass balloon I let it fly too high and it shattered to soon” -MARINA, Hermit The Frog
“I’ve been chosen last since the kindergarten” -Chosen Last, Sara Kays
“I’m so sick of myself” -jealousy jealousy- Olivia Rodrigo
“The world will feel the fire and finally know” -The World Will Know- Newsies
“Just an appendage live to attend him so that he never lifts a finger” -labour- Paris Paloma
“Im more than my body” -Body, Jordan Suaste

submitted by Interesting_Leg_3115 to MbtiTypeMe [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 03:30 taylorjustk AITA for saying no to multiple proposals from my ex?

This is a long one and it happened back in 2019, but I still don't know if I was the a-hole or just trying to be a good friend.
For context: In January 2011, my ex (M) and I (F) started dating in high school. We were off and on for most of 8 years but he broke it off for good in January 2019. Throughout our relationship, we had arguments, lying, and mistreatment, but we kept coming back to each other. We probably should have stayed away from each other, but we were teenagers and didn't know what we were doing. Ultimately, there were no blatant red flags like abuse or violence, we just weren't meant for each other.
After the breakup, I moved back home with my parents at 23 and my ex stayed at our apartment with some other roommates. I kept my distance because I was heartbroken. We spent 8 years together. I thought we would get married and have a family together. Of course, that didn't happen. Since we ran in the same circles, I would hear about his life and he would hear about mine, and sometimes we would bump into each other. My neighbors happened to be his childhood best friend's parents, so he was brought up often. They said I needed to give him just one more chance because they thought we belonged together, but I was hesitant. In April 2019, he called and asked me out to dinner so we could talk, and I agreed. I thought maybe we could just have a nice dinner and restore the friendship, but that's not what happened. We had a great dinner and conversation, then he suddenly started talking about marriage and showing me pictures of rings. I told him that's not what I wanted, and I could tell it broke his heart. I thought if he had miraculously changed in the prior three months, maybe we could work things out, but I could tell it just wasn't right. We didn't talk for a while after that.
Flash forward a few months to July, I was planning my birthday party. My ex's best friend's older sister offered me her beach house to throw an overnight birthday party, and I was ecstatic! I had been talking to a new guy, I reconnected with an old coworker who was a good friend, and it all felt like a new start. The sister mentioned my ex, and I froze up. She talked about how she knew we weren't going to end up together, but that he still cared about me as a friend because we had known each other for so long. She also mentioned that since her younger brother would be there (I was close friends with him, too), it might be nice to invite my ex so the guys could hang out and the girls could hang out. I reached out to my ex, invited him to the party, and made it clear it was just as friends. He said he understood and was glad I invited him. He showed up super late to the party but brought me my favorite beverages and candy so I said thank you and continued to hang out. Later in the night, the guy I was seeing mentioned something to me about my ex not liking him. I was honest and said that I had dated him for 8 years but we were just friends at this point. The guy brushed it off and everyone had a good night. Well, everyone but my ex. The next morning I woke up to see he had disappeared. When I asked the older sister what happened, she was emotional. She said my ex had planned a really sweet proposal but I had gone to bed earlier than he thought I would. He thought of waking me up to do it only to see I was curled up in bed with the other guy. I felt awful, but at the same time, WE WERE BROKEN UP! How was I supposed to know he was going to talk about marriage and propose a SECOND time?
Do I learn my lesson? Nope. In October 2019, I had been seeing the new guy for a few months and I was happy. Didn't think about my ex, didn't talk to my ex, didn't even entertain conversations about him. He randomly reached out to me one day asking if we could just talk to get closure, and I thought this would be the end of things once and for all. We sat down at a picnic table, and he started crying. I knew it was a mistake, I shouldn't have met up with him. He showed me pictures of engagement rings and asked for me to come back and be with him. I said no, told him meeting up was a mistake, and left.
Do I learn my lesson that time? Nope. At this point it's completely on me to keep falling for this trap. A friend (F) and I were moving in January of 2020 and my ex had a truck. Things didn't work out with the guy I was seeing, so my friend and I asked my ex if he could help us. This time, he and I had been chatting for a few weeks and things were good. We were talking like friends and the conversation was never more than platonic. He agreed to help, drove us between our old places to the new place to move in furniture and boxes, and everything went well. When we got settled at the apartment, I started cooking everyone dinner. I asked how much food he wanted, and he went quiet and left without a word. My roommate thought it was odd, but I knew immediately what it was. I texted him and asked if it was because of me, and he said yes.
Should I have learned my lesson after the first or second time? Yes. But am I the a-hole for wanting a friendship that whole time?
At this point, I'm happily married to someone else, living 2,000 miles away from everything. This randomly popped into my mind today, and I figured I would survey my fellow potatoes.

submitted by taylorjustk to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 03:28 CrazyBackground6614 Baby steps I guess

I wish I was brave like you! I am completely content being alone . I’m ok with my own company, I have been alone for most of my life and I don’t know how to handle being with people sometimes. I get overwhelmed by the way I am and I don’t want anyone else to have to deal with my internal conflict and my mental health issues that have been a huge burden on me and my family. I swear sometimes I feel like I’m just too old and too damaged to ever try to get into anything with anyone ever again anyway. The last person wanted to marry me and we were engaged. They got down on one knee with a beautiful ring and proposed to me and I said yes. I was really happy but at the same time I was nervous and I knew deep down that they were not the right person for me and so I held back on telling anyone about it for a long time. He was really abusive and I never really knew when he was going to get angry about anything. I was not perfect but I didn’t deserve the way he hurt me. I never called the police, I never did anything but try to heal and help him with his anger and insecurity but eventually he ended up hurting me so bad that still to this day I have problems. I finally got to the point where I didn’t want to leave my daughter alone in the world because we did lose her father to a heart attack But I was starting to really fear for my safety in the end with this person so I gathered all of the courage I had and left. I’m still really lost though in all honesty. I have not felt like I am ever going to succeed in anything again. I smile and try but in my heart I really do feel that way. I’m almost 50 but no one believes that. They think I am still in my thirties. Good thing I don’t look like the way I feel most days. I get a lot of compliments and attention when I do put myself out there but that takes effort on my part that requires some kind of commitment to be able to give the other person the time and attention they need and deserve. I don’t know, but you know how it is if you do meet someone who you really like you will find the time and energy to make the friendship into something special. I think that I would like that, but I am just scared to be broken again. I just don’t want to get hurt or hurt someone else somehow , someway either, because that would suck too. I don’t know, I wish I was brave like you guys are and I could just go for it and get back out there.. Maybe someday, maybe someday soon.

submitted by CrazyBackground6614 to u/CrazyBackground6614 [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 03:28 BlackReaperII The Deathwish Invoker

I've been asked for my build quite allot as of late so I figured I'd just share it here.... hopefully I won't see a bunch of clones though..
The trinkets are.
Neck: Brew masters cork.
Rings: Hardcore metal band Burden of the rebel Seal of the empress Drakestone pearl. < free slot >
Heart: Profane heart. Damage reduction Health Skill cooldown
Traits are already listed. However potency should be kinship.
This build is an a strange combo of good dps and high survivability.
The way it works.
You have 100% upkeep time on your Death wish and Way of Kaeula. ( which you will need )
Pop way of kaeula then use death wish. Death wish will bolster all damage by 50% including the lightning from kaeula.
The Death wish will harm you. But way of kaeula will constantly heal you for more then the damage you take.
The weapons are fully up to you. I however suggest using heatwave mod. And spellweaver mutator on something.
I personally focus mostly on melee so drake stone helps me. Though it's optional on what you choose to fight with due to the all damage buffs your getting.
+50% all damage from deathwish. +25% wrath if an enemy is affected by a negative status effect. ( note drenched does not count as a negative status effect sadly ) +15% elemental damage. And an additional 30% skill damage. Effectively making your lightning deal +120% bonus damage. And your all weapon damage +90% damage If your using an elemental weapon or hitting statuses its +105% damage.
Death wish procs Hardcore metal band. Keeping you at 5 bulwark.
With everything running you should be rather tanky with excess amounts of hp regen do to everything lifestealing for you at about 24% of the damage done. Use a confidence booster to keep yourself from stagger. And that juicy 10% dr. Even with my basic booty armor I'm at 78.6% dr.
I have soloed appoc on this build. And even in a 3 stack apoc.
Only venom / annihilation/ awoken king can kill the Deathwish invoker if It stands in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or if you getting slapped in the face with anni's balls

submitted by BlackReaperII to remnantgame [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 03:24 NoOz1985 To all of you who misses their ghoster deeply. Having them back won't make it better. Even after forgiveness. It's always them, not you.

I posted my story of my ghoster (ex bf) who ghosted me 21 years ago. When he and I were just 20. We had a long distance relationship for 3.5 years where we traveled countries to see each other. He was truly my first love. I was madly in love with him. Even though he wasn't my first bf. He was the one that mattered and the one that got away. In the end he cheated on me emotionally and then ghosted me while I was back in my home country. It took me 2.5 years to get past that cause he didn't give me any answers. In a matter of weeks we went from planning for me to come and live with him abroad to no contact. I did not see that coming and I was completely in shock, numb, gutted, a dagger in the chest. My first love.. And me being his, he said... Doing that to me.. Nope. I figured out years later he was still with the woman he cheated on me with and she's been making his life a living hell apparantly. He divorced her in 2016 and got together with his new wife after that. And married her last year and has kids with both women. I cried for 2.5 years when he ghosted. Insane. Knowing what I know now.
You guys were very brutally honest. This man doesn't deserve anything from me, you said. I was called insane and stupid to have him in my life again. He's an Asshole, etc. I've been with my current partner for 20 years. And he had seen upclose what the ghosting did to me back in the day and to my trust and said I should confront him. I have the best partner in the world and wouldn't jeopardise that in any way. He is my best friend, my soul mate and we are on the same level emotionally. Both HSP. And we talk a lot and I tell him everything. So I have no romantic interest in my ex bf. He will never be able to get that close to me ever again. Especially not now, now I'm older and noticing it was never me, he certainly has issues that 21 years later he still hasn't addressed.
But then he found me on snapchat last Oct. I had nothing but fond memories of him rushing back in. Memories I had blocked for years. We didn't speak about what had happened and how hurt I was cause I simply did not have those intense memories and feelings when I started talking again. They all hit me later. I've had lovely conversation with him about his kids and his life. I was enjoying it. But I was cautious. Ppl on here told me to break it off with him, that it wasn't fair to my partner. Etc etc. But my partner did not mind. He said I should try and find some closure if that's still possible. My friends said he owes me an apology. And I agreed. I needed an sincere apology.
So i poured my heart out to him, screamed, cried, was upset in the whatsapp. (send him voice memos since he kept saying he couldn't find the time to call) And he apologised trough whatsapp. And over and over again. Saying he was immature. I didn't agree. Ghosting isn't about being immature. It's cruel. And damaging. So I demanded a phone call. He was really trying to tell me on WhatsApp that he'd do anything to help me feel better. So I said I needed a phone call cause I felt he was dodging it. He agreed to ring. But i then noticed he's socially very VERY awkward. Emotionally closed off and suffers trauma. I've worked and work with traumatised ppl and adults who have autism and it hit me there and then: he has both!! And all of a sudden
I started to see the bigger picture. That it was never me asking to much of him. It was him not even being able to have a normal conversation about feelings and emotions. His son is in the process of getting a autism diagnosis as well and he has no idea how to handle it. By experience I can tell he's autistic. He told me what his ex wife did to him and that he never can speak his mind and he never did. She physically and mentally abused him for years. And where our normal gut feeling would be to get the fuck out of a relationship like that. He stayed and thought it was all normal. Until she left him and it started to dawn on him what just happened.
I remember back in the day when I confronted him about his cheating and his sudden distance from me (he breadcrumbed me during the last holiday I was with him for 4 weeks, mind fucking me about him not being sure about us all of a sudden before he ghosted) . And he he had great issues expressing his feelings. I was super mad offcourse. It was life altering for me. The betrayal I felt.. The depression I slipped into. It was real. But I was his age and had no issues with expressing myself. We were 20 so I never thought anything of it.)
He likes to hide behind the computer. Has issues expressing himself can't deal with emotions well. He's been abused by his ex (in his own words: karma) and he still has to deal with her cause they have a son together. It is rather cruel and she is not well mentally so I do feel for him somewhat. But indeed: karma. It's no excuse at all and I'm not trying to downplay anything but I can finally look at it from a distance now and see where his issues lye.
And even though no one advice me to let him back into my life again. I'm glad I did.
On the phone I talked about what the ghosting has done to me in my formative years and what an impact it had. He listened carefully. And told me he could not have handled things worse than he did. He came clean on the emotionally cheating part (he had no choice cause he didn't know I talked to his friends back then and they told me he was lying) and he said he wished he made different choices. It was all very distant. The tone of voice, the way he spoke.. I just got it. We weren't seeing eye to eye. He had no intonation when he speaks, the way he handles things in life, he doesn't notice other ppls emotions and feelings. Even tho he is a kind person.
But I just came to the realisation that having a friendship with him is nearly impossible. Not because of the ghosting. Cause I am willing to forgive him now he's showed me some remorse. No one seems to understood that but a few. I can't hold grudges anymore, it costs energy. I can see he's actually not a bad person, even tho ghosting says everything about him. Even 21 years later it feels he's stuck in a teens way of emotional thinking. And that has helped me to realise that I can't have this friendship with. I was hoping to see him at some point. Me and my partner go to the UK a lot and It would've been possible for me to grab a coffee with him. But i don't think hell be able to handle small talk. It's just so weird that he has these issues and I never noticed back in the day.
Ghosting is never ok. Cause he was able to maintain relationship with his ex straight after he ghosted me. So he was able to have some sort of emotional interaction with ppl. But I don't gel with him now because of his issues and that's helped me to realise that having the ghoster back in your life isn't going to change anything.
I didn't get answers other than that he was immature, a few lame apologies.. But he listened. And I noticed something is up with him. And that has changed my entire perspective. It's no excuse. But I kinda feel sorry for him now. And notice how much I've grown after that. I sought guidance and counseling cause I was depressed. He never addressed any of his trauma. He hides away and freezes when emotions need to be dealt with. He is kind and caring. But it's a very superficial and robot like even.
He is emotionally too immature to have a proper friendship with, in my opinion. So idk if I'll ever see him. Which I hoped for but I now know it's not possible. It'll be an online contact from now on. So I don't feel satisfied at all. I don't have closure or answers. But I do see the bigger picture now. I've never been able to think about him in all these 21 years. It hurt me too much so I blocked things out. It traumatised me very much. The fact that we've shared some fond memories that he certainly hasn't forgotten over all these years was nice. And it has to be enough. I've forgiven him but have now told him I can't do this superficial friendship. And stick to a unpersonal whatsapp contact. Cause I feel that's all he feels comfortable with. With him being autistic and traumatised.
It feels very unsatisfactory, but it is what it is. He can't give me the same level of emotional maturity. Its helped me to move on tho. And we're being civil. How could I have fallen for this emotionally very unstable guy??
Just wanted to share my story.

submitted by NoOz1985 to ghosting [link] [comments]

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