Cute qoutes about weed

Ladies, welcome! I hope you’re in the market for a tall, nerdy animal lover who loves to cuddle, shower his woman with affection while not taking life or himself too seriously. Physically I’m a tall, slightly overweight man covered in body hair, perfect for snuggling up to! I rock the dad-bod, cookie-lover aesthetic, giant beard very much included.
I am child, drug, disease & religion free, and not looking to change any of those. Very, very light social drinker and not judgemental on that or weed at all. Very left-leaning politically with no patience for bigotry or bullshit. I am a one-woman kind of guy, looking to form something fun and long lasting with the right woman.
I find strong, capable & intelligent women to be very attractive; I got on the Sigourney Weaver & Linda Hamilton love train young! Open to a partner of any race, thicc or thin, short or tall. Bonus points if I can pick you up! A cute accent or giggle will take you far with me. I live in the EST time zone, so as long as we can chat regularly I’m open to an LDR. Voice calls are important to me, but texting throughout the day is totally fine.
I value the simple and nerdy things in life, and would rather find my person to spend my life with rather than living a life of comfort and privilege. Board game nights, movie marathons, seeing the new museum exhibit and painting miniatures makes me a happy man. My dream is to open an animal sanctuary or hobby farm that could double as a human therapy center.
For work right now I’m in a volunteer position at a local food bank where I socialize with seniors and the food-insecure and basically serve as a ‘Johnny on the spot’ helping with odd jobs, tech support, stuff like that. I also help with a cat rescue organization where I have fostered cats and do some admin work. I do freelance editing on the side, and would love to have some of my own work published in the future!
Hit me up with your ASL and a little blurb about yourself! ‘Hey’ is for horses!

Ladies, welcome! I hope you’re in the market for a tall, nerdy animal lover who loves to cuddle, shower his woman with affection while not taking life or himself too seriously. Physically I’m a tall, slightly overweight man covered in body hair, perfect for snuggling up to! I rock the dad-bod, cookie-lover aesthetic, giant beard very much included.
I am child, drug, disease & religion free, and not looking to change any of those. Very, very light social drinker and not judgemental on that or weed at all. Very left-leaning politically with no patience for bigotry or bullshit. I am a one-woman kind of guy, looking to form something fun and long lasting with the right woman.
I find strong, capable & intelligent women to be very attractive; I got on the Sigourney Weaver & Linda Hamilton love train young! Open to a partner of any race, thicc or thin, short or tall. Bonus points if I can pick you up! A cute accent or giggle will take you far with me. I live in the EST time zone, so as long as we can chat regularly I’m open to an LDR. Voice calls are important to me, but texting throughout the day is totally fine.
I value the simple and nerdy things in life, and would rather find my person to spend my life with rather than living a life of comfort and privilege. Board game nights, movie marathons, seeing the new museum exhibit and painting miniatures makes me a happy man. My dream is to open an animal sanctuary or hobby farm that could double as a human therapy center.
For work right now I’m in a volunteer position at a local food bank where I socialize with seniors and the food-insecure and basically serve as a ‘Johnny on the spot’ helping with odd jobs, tech support, stuff like that. I also help with a cat rescue organization where I have fostered cats and do some admin work. I do freelance editing on the side, and would love to have some of my own work published in the future!
Hit me up with your ASL and a little blurb about yourself! ‘Hey’ is for horses!

Ladies, welcome! I hope you’re in the market for a tall, nerdy animal lover who loves to cuddle, shower his woman with affection while not taking life or himself too seriously. Physically I’m a tall, slightly overweight man covered in body hair, perfect for snuggling up to! I rock the dad-bod, cookie-lover aesthetic, giant beard very much included.
I am child, drug, disease & religion free, and not looking to change any of those. Very, very light social drinker and not judgemental on that or weed at all. Very left-leaning politically with no patience for bigotry or bullshit. I am a one-woman kind of guy, looking to form something fun and long lasting with the right woman.
I find strong, capable & intelligent women to be very attractive; I got on the Sigourney Weaver & Linda Hamilton love train young! Open to a partner of any race, thicc or thin, short or tall. Bonus points if I can pick you up! A cute accent or giggle will take you far with me. I live in the EST time zone, so as long as we can chat regularly I’m open to an LDR. Voice calls are important to me, but texting throughout the day is totally fine.
I value the simple and nerdy things in life, and would rather find my person to spend my life with rather than living a life of comfort and privilege. Board game nights, movie marathons, seeing the new museum exhibit and painting miniatures makes me a happy man. My dream is to open an animal sanctuary or hobby farm that could double as a human therapy center.
For work right now I’m in a volunteer position at a local food bank where I socialize with seniors and the food-insecure and basically serve as a ‘Johnny on the spot’ helping with odd jobs, tech support, stuff like that. I also help with a cat rescue organization where I have fostered cats and do some admin work. I do freelance editing on the side, and would love to have some of my own work published in the future!
Hit me up with your ASL and a little blurb about yourself! ‘Hey’ is for horses!

Ladies, welcome! I hope you’re in the market for a tall, nerdy animal lover who loves to cuddle, shower his woman with affection while not taking life or himself too seriously. Physically I’m a tall, slightly overweight man covered in body hair, perfect for snuggling up to! I rock the dad-bod, cookie-lover aesthetic, giant beard very much included.
I am child, drug, disease & religion free, and not looking to change any of those. Very, very light social drinker and not judgemental on that or weed at all. Very left-leaning politically with no patience for bigotry or bullshit. I am a one-woman kind of guy, looking to form something fun and long lasting with the right woman.
I find strong, capable & intelligent women to be very attractive; I got on the Sigourney Weaver & Linda Hamilton love train young! Open to a partner of any race, thicc or thin, short or tall. Bonus points if I can pick you up! A cute accent or giggle will take you far with me. I live in the EST time zone, so as long as we can chat regularly I’m open to an LDR. Voice calls are important to me, but texting throughout the day is totally fine.
I value the simple and nerdy things in life, and would rather find my person to spend my life with rather than living a life of comfort and privilege. Board game nights, movie marathons, seeing the new museum exhibit and painting miniatures makes me a happy man. My dream is to open an animal sanctuary or hobby farm that could double as a human therapy center.
For work right now I’m in a volunteer position at a local food bank where I socialize with seniors and the food-insecure and basically serve as a ‘Johnny on the spot’ helping with odd jobs, tech support, stuff like that. I also help with a cat rescue organization where I have fostered cats and do some admin work. I do freelance editing on the side, and would love to have some of my own work published in the future!
Hit me up with your ASL and a little blurb about yourself! ‘Hey’ is for horses!

Gonna try keep it short and sweet. I’m a 22f and 6 years ago my life turned up side down and had been smoking weed to self medicate for 4 years. Struggled with keeping myself healthy and hygiene, overall I got so depressed I was bedridden for basically those 4 years. Recently I’ve been trying to turn my life around but I have so much hate and regret towards myself. I never considered myself pretty before but I look at pictures and I was a pretty girl. Blue eyes and blonde hair, gorgeous skin and smile. I’ve ruined my face. I look sunken in and deep dark eye bags. My skin is completely ruined, I have acne scarring all over my face it looks constantly dirty. Even my smile doesn’t look the same and my teeth are not even something I wanna bring up. Because am embarrassed of them I try use my bottom lip to cover them and doing that for such a long time has left a dint on my chin so it looks wrinkly. I avoid looking at anything with a reflection. Or I will look in the mirror and obsessively examine and practice a better resting face or smile or just stare at how ugly I am. Am not on any social media platforms. Which sucks I would love to make cute TikTok’s or selfies and feel good about myself. It’s at the point we’re i feel like i don’t deserve respect or love, it’s so lonely and people stare at me. Am constantly thinking about how I look. after years of not speaking to family and finally seeing them again I can’t have a real relationship because I feel like they are embarrassed and ashamed of me or be in the moment with them because am thinking about how I look. I just feel so lonely and worthless. Am trying to get better and it’s making it harder. It’s all I can think about recently. I can accept my face will probably never look as pretty as it used to but I can’t live a happy life when it looks this bad. Thank you for listening to my rant and sorry if it’s all over the place. Feels good letting it all out finally

TW for sa content. mentions of depression, drugs, older men. i use the term abuser because that’s what my therapist described him as.
i don’t know why, but every once and a while, like today, i get the random memories of my abuser. and i wonder: did i make everything up? is that what really happened? could i have said something? what other memories am i repressing?
i’ll give a brief summary of my abuser. let’s call him p. P was older than me, i think by 3-4 years. regardless, he was the older one in this dynamic. my friend invited p down to hang out one night, and we got along. or so i thought.
my best friend, let’s call her A, had P over for a while after i had left. not sure how long he was there, but i left her place pretty late. we were both in 7th grade and 13. she told me the next day that she didn’t want to talk to P anymore because “he was so creepy and i’m pretty sure he stole a pair of my underwear.”
but i ignored her. because that didn’t happen to me, so why would it happen again? i believed my friend, but chose to stick around with p. P and I became best friends: we were hanging out a lot, talking everyday, venting to each other. he seemed like a good shoulder to cry on due to my mental health issues creeping up. i think this is how we became as close as we did.
i don’t remember the first incident; i have a really shitty memory to begin with. but i do remember bits and pieces. some things that i excused because we were “best friends”
• being alone with him in his room • seeing a sexual video of him via a another friend • random ass/boob grabbing/smacking. this was the most frequent and reoccurring. (i developed early, and had big boobs for my age. i always have). • took him along to get my homecoming dress, and while i was pretty much naked in the dressing room, he handed me a dress but gave it to me over the top of the door, and stared at my body. he made some type of sexual comment.
over some time, i began to develop feelings for P. he was THE person that i could go to with my problems; my mom dismissed me a lot, so it was nice to have someone there. in that time he made me his phone background, and he had lost his virginity. and when we were talking on the phone at one point, i think i was in 9th grade, he said “i have a bet with my buddies for how long it’ll take for you to lose your virginity.” and i should’ve stopped it right there. but i just laughed it off.
things began to pick up quickly. i think he jumped on the fact that i had a crush on him, which in his mind = he can do anything he wants. now, every time we hung out, we would end up making out (literally every time), he would touch me (not below the belt yet), and he became more forward with his sa’ing.it was happening every time we hung out.
one day, he told me to “dress cute”. he showed up to our date looking like he had just gotten done finishing a car (he was a mechanic). that really irritated me, but i decided that i wanted to go through with the date.
we then went back to his house, we immediately went upstairs, and the usual began. i remember i was in 10th grade, so 16 at the time. he thought it would be okay to shove his hand down my skirt and underwear. this was NOT okay with me, so i backed off and excused myself to use the bathroom, which was luckily downstairs. i opened the curtain and saw that he had neighbors, and actually contemplated running over to their house to tell them what had happened to me. but he was my ride home, and he lives 32 miles away. how would i get home?
when i got older, the next year and definitely my senior year, things got more erratic. he starting smoking weed, and would constantly drive around with it in his car while i was in it. this made me incredibly uncomfortable, as i had and still have intense anxiety. he would drive fast as well. we would pull over every once and a while for him to smoke. i declined every time.
one of the last moments of sa was when i was a senior in high school. he took me on the path that we had met on, and of course, we were making out. he put me ontop of him, and then lifted my shirt up almost over my head. my whole chest was exposed. i was also NOT okay with his. i made up an excuse that i needed to go pee, so we got back into his car. but before we did, he picked me up so that my legs were around his waist, and he pinned me to the car, still wanting to continue. there was a person in her car that was driving thru that saw the whole thing, and i was absolutely mortified.
flash forward to december. i met a boy who would end up being the love my life. we are still together today. he would be (and still is) so supportive and patient and held me while i cried, finally realizing that it wasn’t okay.
i invited p to my graduation, and he sat next to my boyfriend. my bf and i went out to dinner afterwards, and he told me that p wouldn’t shut up about me, and that he was obsessed with me.
i still talked to p for a while, then when i finally got back into therapy, my therapist described what had happened to me as sa. and i was dumbfounded. and thus began my long journey.
so why am i writing this? sometimes the thoughts come back at the most random of times. like today. i have an appointment with my therapist, and i think that’s going to be our main topic. (side note: both my psych and therapist are wonderful). is it because i’ve noticed my trauma responses and how they’re reacting? is it because ive been looking into c-ptsd. (not self diagnosis, that would be a convo for me and my therapist).
i guess what im getting at is: will it ever go away? or is this a more serious issue (like ptsd) that needs to be investigated?
thank you for reading my long post. i tend to get very wordy. i hope whoever reads this a wonderful life, and your abuser sows not have the power over you. we are here with you, and we are listening 🧡

I copy pasted this from a longer version of this story so that’s why these are labeled part 2 and 3. I edited out/ added context to make this part make sense on its own. And I’m trying to give as much context as I can to show why I’m having these feelings. Me and my husband have known each other a little over a year, we have been dating for 7months and married for 2months, crazy timeline I know but it’ll make sense with the rest of the context lol. (why I refer to him as leany was explained in the first part, just go with it) tldr@bottom of post
This next part is basically part 2: Flash forward and I start being friends with this guy at work that I had a crush on ( you guessed it, it’s Leany) he was a dishwasher at first but by this time they have him doing everything but that. He is a tall, light skin nerdy guy with curly hair and glasses that were broken so he literally had the stereotypical nerd piece of tape in the middle holding them together lol. He NEVER SPOKE when he was doing dishes, he had his headphones in and did his job. But once he started doing other things in the kitchen we would have a small interaction when he would come put more plantain on the line( I served food at a Jamaican spot) one day he restocked them and I said thank you, and he said “ur welcome” yall in that moment it went from a little crush to damn near a full on obsession, his voice was so deep and sexy like idk what I thought he would sound like but it wasn’t that. Flash forward to new years 2023, he gets drunk asf at the work New Year’s party, and my boss asks me to to take him home, (at this point me and him are kind of cool every once in a while we’ll hotbox my car while on break) so now I’m really excited to have time to talk to him alone and stuff and my boss wasn’t helping cause she was drunk too and kept winking and being suggestive about me giving him a ride she was like “be nice to him, be gentle with I’m if you get some, yall would be so cute together, he is a sweet boy he needs a good girl like you “ and all my coworkers are egging this on, so I leave to take his drunk ass home, and when we get there he asked if I wanted to smoke before I headed home, I said yes duh. So he rolls up and we get to talking and you know wtf he says to me “do you know if (girl we work with) likes me?” My heart sank so fast and my crush died right there because I knew it was a waste of time, me and this girl were nothing alike, We’ll call her B. B(f20 at the time) is a short darkskinned girl with a really nice body and a pretty face. I knew if she was his type he’d never look at me that way. Now he’s where things get messy kids, put on ur overalls. Me, B and another girl at work were kinda cool, tho I wouldn’t really call us friends (B and the other girl were really good friends, they hung out outside of work) anyways one day the third girl had asked me and B if we thought “Leany” was cute, I said yes, third girls said yes, B said no. “He’s not my type” (mind you B likes older, toxic, emotionally manipulative type men. She would say shit like “Leany just doesn’t get my 🐱wet” she was mainly dealing with this 40something year old man that she swore she was in love with, she would literally say she knew he was only with her for her body, but she still loved him and was convinced they’d be together forever, she even tried to talk me into having a threesome her and him) so when he asked me that question that night I told him about that day when we talked about it. Y’all I STG I meant no harm, at this point me and Leany are friends so I’m thinking he’s tryna get advice before shooting his shot so I wanted to be real with him so he didn’t embarrass himself. But then he gets mad and is like “ oh that lying bitch she told me I was handsome” and I’m like huh??? Then he pulls up their messages and shows how she would like low key flirt with him because he was a simp and he was buying her shit, giving her weed for free, and I’m like oh shit I fucked up, cause had I known they were already talking I wouldn’t have told him that, I just would have minded my business but I was thinking he wanted to shoot his shot so I was telling him it might not work out. He asked her she wanted for Christmas and she sent him an Amazon link for some 50$ hubcaps she wanted for her car. (Keep in mind this man is drunk asf during this whole conversation) he had already bought the hubcaps, but now he is seeing that she’s running game on him he doesn’t want to give them to her, so he is trying to give them to me. And I’m like nahhh buddy, at this point I was trying to become better friends with B cause like I said I didn’t have any friends in this new state. I’m like “wtf am I gonna do with them”
he says “put them on ur car”
and i said “and then show up to work with the same hubcaps she knows you just said you would buy for her”
and he’s like “yep exactly, and if she asked about them tell her you got them from Leany”
“no dude, ur drunk asf and you have valid reason to be upset but I’m not getting in the middle of this.” He goes and gets the damn hubcaps anyways and like I’ll put them on for you right now. I keep telling him no to go inside and get sobered up, but he is not taking no for an answer😭 he’s just like “okay pop the trunk I’ll put them in there, you can put them on later.” I said “I’m not using them, if you put them in my trunk, I’m gonna sell them” he said he didn’t care as long as B didn’t have them so finally I let him put them in my trunk and we said goodnight. Time goes on, he is still being led on by B, he’s got it bad for her, and me and B are getting a little bit closer sometimes the three of us hang out together outside work. It gets messier kids, grab ur rain boots. B and her mom got into it, she moves out and moves in with Leany….. mind you I’m pretty good friends with both of them at this point, they both drink a lot and they are literally constantly fighting like a fucking old married couple. Leany is upset that B, is out hooking up with Other dudes every night and keeps telling him about it despite knowing that he has a crush on her, B is mad that Leany can’t let go of his crush even tho she is definitely still towing the line with him. I’m hearing both sides of the same story about the arguments form each of them separately with both of them conveniently leaving out things they said or did that make them look bad, I’m not picking sides tho, and I don’t tell one about what the other is telling me, despite them constantly asking what the other is saying about them. I tell both of them that they are wrong, Leany is wrong because he is only letting B stay with him in hopes that they might hook up, and B is still leading Leany on and giving him false hope so that she can have a place to stay. (Mind you they are living in his mother’s house, with his disabled uncle, and his brother lives in the garage!) so the whole house is having to deal with their drunk asses arguing all the time, his mom goes on vacation to visit her other son and grandkids she is gone for like 4-5months and during this time she gave B permission to sleep in her room. And they are still arguing all the time till things finally come to a head one night. B is not even of legal drinking age yet, but she has a fake ID so she will still go out and get drunk and drive home, one night they were both drunk and arguing and she tries to leave and Leany takes her keys and is like “no, I’m not letting you drive drunk” she calls the fucking cops on him… and tells them that he won’t give her her keys and of Course he is saying because she is drunk. She manages to convince the cops that she isn’t drunk somehow and they make Leany give her the keys otherwise he is basically holding her hostage and she leaves. Why he didn’t put her out after that I do not know, but both of them are getting worse with drinking and worse with arguing and now his mom is about to come home so he tells her for the 100th(and finally final) time that she needs to leave cause this shit is toxic and their whole dynamic is weird cause they aren’t even a couple and they are going at it like this, B has decided to join the military and is trying to convince him to let her stay till she leaves for boot camp but he’s not having it they end up arguing again and Leany say’s probably one of the most fucked up hurful things you could say to someone to her, I’m not gonna be specifics but it was pertaining to a certain type of abuse that B experienced as a child. At that point she finally decides to stop talking to him and block him, during this final argument he was literally throwing her stuff out of his house and she grabbed it and left with it but left a lot of shit behind, he says that she left his moms room a mess with dirty dishes piled up in there and even left her vibr@tor on his moms bed he threw the rest of her stuff away and cleaned the room and that was the last time they spoke. He felt like shit afterwards and even stopped drinking for a long time, he kept texting her to apologize but she had him blocked, and he even tried going thru me to contact her. but atp me and her are hardly friends because I don’t like the way she was treating Leany and B also fell out with the other girl at work that she was close with because of how she used to treat her especially when she got drunk, B would get really belligerent. I had already bowed out of their drama because they would constantly come to me to complain about each other but when I would say “yall are both shitty people in this situation“ they would tell me to shut up and mind my business so I started shutting them down when they tried to talk about each other to me. He was mad that I wouldn’t help him get in contact with her but I didn’t care, B told our boss about what he had said to her so our boss made sure to schedule them on different shifts.
Part3:(gets a little NSFW, but I’ve censored it best as I can) Flash forward some more and things have kinda blown over. Me and Leany are pretty close atp, but not too close cause I didn’t like the side of him I saw come out with B, and also I didn’t like how he always prioritized their friendship over ours, and now it felt like me and him were only this close because B cut him off. Leany decided he was also gonna join the military, but in different branch than B. She has already left by now also. And Im also thinking about taking that route and the same branch as him. He started talking to a recruiter and I said before you leave we should get together and get a drink to say goodbye cause yk, he had to quit smoking to join so we couldn’t hotbox. This is months later and he’s started drinking again in moderation. his go to is cans of Twisted Tea. So he was like yea let’s do it I’ll go the liquor store what do you want to drink I told him I wanted to try the Monster Beast, cause I fucking love monster energy drinks. So he grabbed me 2 and grabbed himself 2cans of twisted tea. By the time I got to his place he had already been drinking (come to find out he had already had 2cans, and was on his third one by the time I got there but I thought it was his first) anyways he drinks his tea and I drink my monster and I’m like we should get really lit, like do some shots, so we go back the liquor store together and buy a bottle of Bacardi rum, on the way back we passed the adult novelty store and I was like “I always wondered what was in here” so our tipsy asses go in. I end up getting a d!ldo and he gets some c*ck rings. It was buy 2get one so we also grabbed a bottle of cleaner for my toy. He payed for everything (mind you at this time I am still regularly hooking up with my ex, I actually picked that d!ldo because it looked exactly like what my ex was packing) we come back to his place and proceed to get fucked up off this bottle. of course he is miles ahead of me cause of those 2cans I didn’t know about, and we both open our new toys from the shop. He asked me how far In my mouth I could fit mine and I’m like “mf how far can you fit it” and he’s like you show me first and I’ll go next and I just wanted to see him put a dildo in his mouth so I went first💀 I could fit about half of it I think but he could fit damn near the whole thing lmao, (he just has a really big mouth he said it didn’t touch his throat lol) it had a suction cup on the bottom so he stuck it to the wall and was like “lemme push ur head, I think you can fit more in there” and I’m like okay go ahead but I’m drunk so if I throw up on ur bed that’s on you” even with him pushing me I couldn’t go much further. Then he turned around with it and was like comparing it to his own d!ck with his back facing me and he was saying it was little bit bigger than he was and I’m like what? so he turned around and showed me the comparison. Y’all his thing was so pretty, lengthwise it was about the same as the toy (not fully hard btw so def longer than the toy fr) but it was much thicker. And he had shaved so I could see the whole thing and drunk me and horny me are one in the same so instantly I wanted to suck it. He left to go to the bathroom and I’m just sitting in his room wondering if I’m really about to do this, but knowing my drunk ass definitely was. Now like I said we were very drunk so when I think back on that day it’s like watching a slide show in a room with strobe lights, like I just have different scenes in my head but no clue which order or how they transition from one moment to the next so bare with me, cause all I really remember was me trying to suck him and him encouraging me to go deeper, then he was on top riding my face, but his dingaling angles upwards so that just made it harder, then we were on the floor trying to take more shots but we spilled half the bottle of rum.🤦🏾‍♀️ then were wrestling but naked on the floor laughing at some point I took a belt and tried to wrap it around his throat but it ended up wrapped around his face(don’t ask why idk why😭😭) at one point we were actually having s3x (he wasn’t the best Ngl, no hip action at all he was using his knees in missionary) so I asked for back shots but he kept going soft later on he told me it was because he was super nervous cause i had “all that @ss” and he didn’t know what he was doing 😂 then at some point he opened the door a crack cause he thought he heard something and I’m like dude close the door were naked and his drunk ass goes “this is my house I can be naked” throws the door open and walks through the house outside (backyard) to take a piss, this sobered me up so fast and I threw on some clothes rq to go get him cause we weren’t the only ones home at the time. I walk outside and grabbed his hand and as I’m walking him back inside his mom was standing in the living room, and she like “boy wtf are you naked??” My drunk ass ain’t no what to say so I dropped his hand and bee lined back to the room, then they sat out there for like 5 minutes talking and he came back in annoyed and started putting clothes on and he was asking me to go talk to her and I’m “like wtf am I supposed to say to her” and he said “could you tell her I’m not a fucking r@pist” and I’m like bruh what???? Apparently the walls are thin, so she could hear most of what was going on in the room, so from her perspective: she could hear us fumbling around in there knocking stuff over, remember I said he was encouraging me to take more of him in my mouth he was kind of aggressive about it (nothing I didn’t like, I promise) so she’s hearing shit like “you can take it, move your hand, does it hurt” and then he comes out the room butt naked and I still have clothes on😭😭😭 so yea things from her POV were a little sketchy to say the least. So I went out and talked to her and apologized for disturbing her, and said it was my idea to come over and drink with Leany as a way to say goodbye before he left for boot camp(didn’t help I had gotten the hiccups from being drunk and nervous lol). And she said there’s nothing wrong with having a drink from time to time buts it’s the middle of the afternoon and we took it to far and she told me to sleep on the couch to sober up and she got me some blankets and stuff and I thanked her. I stepped outside to tell Leany I talked to her, he was out front smoking a cigarette and he asked “did you tell her I wasn’t forcing myself on you” and I told him I didn’t get to say that cause she cut me off telling me to lay down, and he was upset that she might still be thinking he tried to hurt me. So when she came out I made sure to tell her that wasn’t the case but being drunk as I was I basically said “i know that might have sounded crazy from ur perspective, but nothing happened in that room that I didn’t want to happen” and she was trying not to laugh and he was whispering under his breath for me to please stfu💀 Anyways I came in the room to get a pillow for the couch and he told me to lay in the bed so we could take a nap, and I’m like I think ur mom wants me on the couch, and he just said “she’ll be fine she just wants us to sleep and sober up I’m not gonna make you sleep on the couch.” So we slept and woke up later that night I think it was around 11, but I’m not sure I just know it was super dark. Anyways after that day I started spending a lot more time at his house but we weren’t having s3x we really were just chilling watching anime and drinking twisted teas, my aunt and me were beefing so I was spending most of my time at his place, she was talking about putting me out and I had asked him if I could stay with him till I could afford a bus ticket back to my home town. But he said his mom wasn’t comfortable with him having more house guests after all the shit with B. And I couldn’t be mad at that. we were cuddled up and stuff and after damn near a month i was like I know better than to be laid up with man like this with no label so I popped the question “what are we” I have to be honest tho, he kinda asked first, like he was trying to sus out what type of timing I was on, but I didn’t have an answer for him so when I asked him he turned it back on me like “I keep asking you the same thing” and I’m like I feel like we’re definitely more than friends now, but not really friends with benefits cause we only hooked up once. And he was just saying “all I know is I like spending time with you” which I definitely believed because by this point I had lost my car (totaled) and he was paying for my Ubers to and to his house, and we weren’t even sleeping together tho we messed around a little bit. But we were barely even kissing. So I believed him when he said he liked having me over. And then we had a Long awkward talk about our feelings with both of us tiptoeing around the elephant in the room not wanting to be the first to admit our feelings and eventually he grinned and said something like “i know you like me” while he was sitting on the table the swinging his legs, and that made me giggle and I couldn’t deny it, and he finally admitted to liking me too and that’s when we became official. Not too long after that my aunt put me out and I his mom has such a big heart that she changed her mind about me moving in, atp I was practically living there anyways I slept there almost every night for the last month , so she could see that I wasn’t one for drama like B was. She welcomed me in, and made space for me to keep my things, she offered me some space I’m her closet and one of the two sinks in her bathroom I moved into Leanys room, by then I had left my job at the restaurant but I went back after moving in with him to make commuting easier and yea, that’s where I am currently living. We both started our process to join the Air Force, his process went smoother than mine so he left for boot camp in late March. He proposed to me on Valentine’s Day, and we tied the knot about 3weeks before he left. We’ve known each othe been friends well over a year but we had only been dating for a few months before we got married. The 4th of this month marked 2months of marriage for us, and the 24th marked 7months of being together… I know we rushed things but I love him so much. We are working on our communication skills and we argue a lot but we also are able to come together and talks things out level headed in the end. I love him so much and I want to start a family with him one day.
So now to the actual issue, I can’t shake the feeling that the only reason me and him are together is because the girl he really wanted didn’t want him back, not that there is anything wrong with moving on from unreciprocated affection, but I’m sacred that one day he’s gonna wake up and realize that he doesn’t wanna be with me and that he never did. ( I know, I know I read too many Reddit stories🤦🏾‍♀️) But lately that’s on my mind heavy, especially cause I’m still friends with B on social media so every time I see a picture of her I keep thinking to myself that’s the type of girl he really wants. I worked with him long before B started working with us, he never talked to anyone at work till she came along. And for months I was the main person he vented to about how frustrated he was that B wouldn’t even give a real chance. One day we spent the day together walking round town while my car was getting detailed and we had a really good time. I had 2 gold 1$coins, he asked to buy them both off me but I didn’t wanna sell them, and he said “okay just trade me one for a dollar and keep one and we’ll have best friend coins” like SpongeBob and Patrick’s rings. We even sung the little jingle but replaced “rings” with “coins”. But I later found out the only reason we were hanging out that day is because him and B got into an argument and she left the house and wasn’t responding to his call/texts. And after him and her stopped talking to each other I was comforting him and he looked at me and said “I just lost my best friend” and I was genuinely hurt like “I thought I was your best friend” and he just told me to stop joking cause he was really upset, after that I was honestly holding back tears cause I didn’t wanna make the situation about myself. I tried bringing this up before but he acted like he didn’t understand why I would be insecure, and it took forever of us going back forth until I finally said that had him and B gotten together in the first place me and him wouldn’t have even been friends let alone ending up married, and that every time we ever hung out alone was when B was ignoring him. He says that he is over her and doesn’t want her in his life anymore, but I’m like dude you don’t have a choice she blocked you, for a time he was even trying convince me to call her on my phone so he could talk to her but I refuse (of course this is before we got together) but now all these thoughts keep pulling up in my head and I’ve been trying to bring it up to him again but idk how, or if I even should we are supposed to be talking tomorrow but he doesn’t know what I want to talk to him about yet.
If you read all this your a real one and I would appreciate any advice you have, positive or negative feedback is welcome. I just wanted to clear my mind sorry for any bad grammar or typos.
TL:DR- my husband used to have crush on mutual friend of ours but she never liked him back, after being rejected by her he turned his attention to me and we are married now. but I’m afraid that he settled for me and one day he’ll decide he doesn’t want to be with me anymore cause he never really wanted me in the first place.

Just to add some context from the original post i made 2ish weeks ago..
TW: drug use and relapse talk
I(23F) have been using coke, adderall, xanax, valium, kratom and molly steadily for about 6 months. I been using weed and vape before for about 4 years before as well so I guess that doesn’t help my case. Only times I used these drugs would be with a guy (26M) I've been seeing, i met him when he was going through a hard time and a xanax bender while i was also moving away from my family and going through a lot as well. i joined him in partaking like 3 weeks of knowing him cause i had already done E 3 times at raves and handful of times recently with my few but very close friends, and mushrooms 2 years prior, so I was pretty confident it would be fine but.... slowly i started just doing them alone without anyone around me knowing except my roommate but only when i'd tell him. (recently had to admit to taking xanax after coming home on work day completely barred out of my mind falling and tripping in front of my house about 3 times and getting mysterious bruises.) after telling my roommate that, had a big fight with my family (that i dont even live with) over money but can't remember what I said to them exactly. its really all wishy washy but what i do know is that even after that, 2 days later I got .6 of molly to do with the guy i was seeing.

• side note: i usually know when to cut myself off emotionally, but ive been seeing him for 7 months and there was close to a month where i didn’t see him but it wasn’t by choice! (i have a more in-dept post about that in my profile i made here a few weeks ago). May 9, soo about 3 weeks of not seeing him, he asked to hangout aka wanted to relapse and i already had such strong feelings for him and expressed before i'd do anything to hangout with him and he knew that. i myself was taking xanax and molly about every once a week on my saturdays off work, smoking weed everyday but still texting with him while doing all that as well. and figured it was one way of finally being able to see him again. after that, we ended up seeing each other and relapsing. We talked in person more about my actions and how i’ve been feeling along with him sharing his thoughts and feelings but even then I felt so horrible while we were relapsing, cause i knew it would lead into disaster along with arguments and finger pointing... i put all that to the side and we still see eachother consistently.

Anyways, we both did .2 each of molly 3 nights ago and i left his house at about 3am still buzzing from the effects. my mind was everywhere and i was just thinking about how happy i was feeling. back to seeing someone i cared about and hoping things would be going well from here on out. he mentioned to me that he’d be doing an out patient program to help with his addiction soon and im really happy he’s going to! everything i had been through would be worth it soon, i thought! I haven’t done any more drugs since then but i plan on stopping once he’s in out patient so i can detox and even work on my own issues.
Now this is where I might derail this for some of you but while coming home, a song came on. The lyrics really spoke to me, guessing that was from the molly, but it made me think so much about my own situation.. how much time and energy i've put into this one person while not even really taking care of myself, if anything, when we weren't seeing each other.. i felt as though i was at my worst! I even went on a date with someone around then but i felt so wrong doing it.. Leading me to start thinking, am I addicted to this man? Am I blaming the drugs for the wrong things? the only reason I started to do these drugs was to at first have fun with this cute guy but now its just something I've added to my daily routine. My memory gets foggy when i have to remember things here and there or at work but i have such clear memories when i'm remembering things with him. I know its possible to have a "favorite person" but i've never really had someone like this in my life. I just dont understand why it had to be with this guy. it’s clear he only wants to use me when he "wants" but i just have a strong desire to always be around him. Since that night, I haven’t seen him because he’s been working a big event but we still talk to each other like we did before. I’ve never experienced this emotion with another person and it’s already been driving me insane but what does one do after finding out?? Am I overreacting??
TLDR: Cant tell if it’s the drugs i’ve been taking or if I’m actually just addicted to the guy I'm taking them with most usually. Am I overreacting?

I'm 6 months pregnant and we have spent almost 3 years together.
there's been rocky times, but I always approached it with the mindset of "perfection doesn't exist, real relationships work through problems together". I don't expect a perfect person.
what he does: works and provides a paycheck. fixes things when asked, enjoys the meals I make him.
the problem(s): he failed to keep his promise to quit smoking cigarettes once becoming pregnant. he struggles to control his drinking, and I need to monitor it and constantly worry about it. he cannot go a whole day without drinking. I also have to constantly remind him that smoking weed puts our livelihood at too big a risk and that's it's not worth it. but if I weren't here to monitor it, he'd be a pile of meat more often than not.
on top of this, he is emotionally vacant. I'm pregnant with my first child and I don't feel like he's involved. my body is changing and growing and I feel like a plastic plant in the house that collects dust and no one realizes is even there. he is absolutely never intimate with me, never looks at me, no touching, no loving, no nothing. he stares at his phone like life without it will cease completely. if not the phone, then the television.
his behavior advertises his most valuable assets in life being alcohol, cigarettes, social media, TV and dogs. that's where his free will starts and stops. NOTHING else exists.
now, while this might not matter for everyone, I can say I take care of myself. I have only gained pregnancy weight but never let myself go. I take care of myself, the same way I did in the beginning. cute outfits, hair done, makeup done, like I used to when he showed me romance. I wouldn't blame him if I lost myself, and lost my regard for what he sees, but that simply isn't the case. I feel beautiful when I look at myself, I've been told my entire life I am beautiful, and hot, and whatever else. but I feel insecure and self conscious around him, who will never ever take a moment to tell me anything nice about myself.
yes, I have communicated this in every way possible. the good, intelligent ways and also the upset, emotional way. it makes no difference, we are living like roommates.
when I bring up things that upset him, he has a tendency to yell and hold firm to the belief that "all I do is put him down". he doesn't realize my requests for connection and emotion are not insults aimed at him but efforts to reconnect with him. and I've said all of this to him exactly this way before.
he immediately starts telling me that "nothing he does is good enough", "how can I get hard when all you do is yell", and more of that. lots of door slamming and complete dismissal of anything. followed by cigarette and weed smoking to help him feel better. does it matter that these smells make my pregnant body revolt in odorous horror? not to him, not at all.
the other pattern of his is making promises that he doesn't even try to keep. lots of promises, zero effort to change. I stupidly believed him when he said he'd quit smoking, or drink less, or show me more affection, or have sex with me. last night he said he'd clean up dinner (which would be a first) but I woke up this morning and nothing was done. I put the food I made in the garbage.
I try so hard to be kind, supportive and loving. I make his meals from scratch every day, I welcome him home with a smile, i try to initiate physical closeness (to no avail) but after awhile I just lose control of my emotions bc I feel so absolutely unseen, unimportant and valueless. I feel alone.
I have made a lot of compromises for him, just to feel closer to him. letting him smoke on the porch so he doesn't walk away 100 times a day. and for all the many requests I've made from him, not one gets an effort from him. I'm the only one making the sacrifices and the effort.
I completely forget the feeling of being wanted, touched, sexy and sexual. this is such a foreign place for me to be. I've always held such a high vision of myself and future relationship. now I have no zest, no hope, no fantasy. just emptiness.
I have been daydreaming of joining a dating app just to feel connections even if it's only via chat. I would tell him first, so he knows he can do the same. but that's the point I'm at.
is this pregnancy craziness? we don't have the money for a therapist so that's not an option. I can't help but wonder how much harder it will be when the baby comes. or will it be harder without him? I know I did this to myself. but I'm here. and I really need some anonymous human input. can anyone relate and tell me what they did and what was the outcome?

i’ve been so depressed for as long as i can fucking remember. i feel emotions so strongly, and i hate it always. no matter if the emotion is positive or negative, i hate feeling any emotions as they’re always so intense for me.
i’m told forever that it gets better. that it’ll go away. that some people don’t even need medication anymore. how is that possible ? when is that possible ? when does anything actually get better for me ?
i should be very happy, or at least, decently happy. i have a boyfriend that i’m pretty damn happy with, and ive been living with him for about a year now and its almost our one year anniversary as well. i love him with my entire heart and we even have a cute little cat that i love with my entire being. i’ve moved out from my parents for the first time in my life, i have a new job that im making better money at, and im also in cosmetology school currently. why am i not happy ?
i’ve been medicated for four years now, almost five. the prozac just makes me feel less unstable overall.
when the fuck do i actually feel better? i’ve felt worthless, hopeless, and futureless for so long now. any time i feel strong emotions, i want to die. i immediately just want to be out of the situation as a whole and the best way that i think to do that is death. i crave death constantly for that very reason. i wish i didn’t crave death. i wish i loved life. i see other people loving life and it truly makes my heart ache so much. i want to want to live. but i dont.i want to die. more than anything, truly.
does it ACTUALLY ever get better ? am i just doomed to drown my emotions in weed and alcohol for the rest of my life ? when the fuck does it get better ? i’m sick of waiting im sick of trying. i am. sick.

Im 16 and everyone around me says im an alcoholic. things were getting really bad in my toxic relationship and so i started to drink every night. after the fourth day my girlfriend told me i needed to get better or she would leave me for good this time, so i told her okay and i didnt think i could get better if i was still with her. as the nights went on i started drinking more, to the point where i was blacking out nightly. i would wake up with puke in my hair, on my bed, and all over my floor but would be too depressed to clean it, or even care about it really. a 1.75 L bottle went from lasting me a week to 2 days. during the days i spent most of my time watching the clock counting down until i could drink next. my mom walked in on me naked on facetime while hammered. she called me words i cannot say here that describe a promiscuous woman and asked how i could be doing this shit when everyone in my family is an alcoholic. her reaction was valid but it stuck with me and only made me want to drink more. i went to therapy one day and i saw my snap had been hacked into- by my ex. she found nudes i drukenly sent to a guy the night before and called me the biggest bad word for promiscuous woman she had ever come into contact with. i swear i dont send nudes like that normally it isnt something i would have done sober. i have bpd so i was livid already, then i told my therapist about the alcohol situation. she told my mom where i hid my alcohol, and said i should go to a residential treatment or a halfway house. i started screaming and crying and my therapist held me down because i was trying to leave and i was kicking and screaming even more. alcohol has turned me into such a monster. i told my therapist her mom probably killed herself so she didnt have to live with the fact that she had a daughter like her. that’s when she told me she was going to call an ambulance and send me to the hospital. so i told her if she did when i got out i’d carve her name into my chest and send her a picture. she told me if i calmed down i could go home so i started jumping up and down and clapping my hands and laughing and saying im so okay! im so happy! clearly i was in a bpd episode as well but my fucking god the alcohol made me 10x more fucked in the head. later that night i got hammered and was watching a tv show which had an sa scene. i have pnes (quickest way to explain it is stress seizures) it was similar to my sa so i had a seizure. my mom said she came in because she heard sounds and she said the seizures werent stopping. she called 911 and i was sent to the hospital. at first i was in the regular er, then something was said or done and i was screaming and crying. they transferred me to the psych unit where they shot me up with ativan which i used to abuse and recently got clean of. i remember begging them not to give me ativan and that i would calm down and be quiet and i begged them to give me something different but they shot me up with it anyways. the kicking and screaming got worse after so i was shot up 3 more times. then the social worker i had when i went to the hospital for my sa who said “maybe i shouldnt have put myself in that situation” (the situation was a date with a boy at the movies) so when that garden tool walked in i was ready to start swinging. she said i had to go to the psych ward so i started yelling that she had a vendetta against me and i wanted a new social worker. thankfully i was put into a super amazing 28 day outpatient facility instead. i was told if i drank again i would be put in the ward. i was okay until the outpatient ended 2 weeks ago. last week was hell. i dont have any support people currently. im talking to a guy right now and i really really like him but i think he is only in it for the sex because i mean like why else would an 18 year old want a 16 year old. so i started drinking again. my mom caught on quick this time and said if i drink again i cant go on anymore dates with the boy. so i finished the bottle the night after in secret. i havent drinken since but i think about it every night. i get it from a plug and he called me cute so now im talking to him too i guess he is 22 but it’s something to do i would never meet up with him irl for anything other than drugs. so that just makes it even easier to access now that im one of his favs. god im sorry for ranting so much i just havent talked to anyone in SO long. im homeschooled because of bullying, i have 0 friends, i cant leave the house unsupervised unless im with a friend, and i have a bad relationship with my family. i dont even do the homeschool work either, i just take the exams which im smart enough to get a’s on without trying (except math i have a b in math) and my mom fudges the rest. so i spend all of my time in my dark depression room, smoking weed and thinking about alcohol while waiting for something to change. i just cant do this anymore im so fucking depressed and empty all i want to do is drink or die but mainly just drink myself to death. i have a date tomorrow with the boy. i cut myself earlier when i was in a bad spot mentally and ik im crazy for thinking this but i want to see if he cares. if he will see them and fuck me anyways, or ask if im okay and need someone to talk to. ik my mind is fucked i just dont know what to do anymore.

Im 16 and everyone around me says im an alcoholic. things were getting really bad in my toxic relationship and so i started to drink every night. after the fourth day my girlfriend told me i needed to get better or she would leave me for good this time, so i told her okay and i didnt think i could get better if i was still with her. as the nights went on i started drinking more, to the point where i was blacking out nightly. i would wake up with puke in my hair, on my bed, and all over my floor but would be too depressed to clean it, or even care about it really. a 1.75 L bottle went from lasting me a week to 2 days. during the days i spent most of my time watching the clock counting down until i could drink next. my mom walked in on me naked on facetime while hammered. she called me a slut and a whore and asked how i could be doing this shit when everyone in my family is an alcoholic. her reaction was valid but it stuck with me and only made me want to drink more. i went to therapy one day and i saw my snap had been hacked into- by my ex. she found nudes i drukenly sent to a guy the night before and called me the biggest slut she had ever come into contact with. i swear i dont send nudes like that normally it isnt something i would have done sober. i have bpd so i was livid already, then i told my therapist about the alcohol situation. she told my mom where i hid my alcohol, and said i should go to a residential treatment or a halfway house. i started screaming and crying and my therapist held me down because i was trying to leave and i was kicking and screaming even more. alcohol has turned me into such a monster. i told my therapist her mom probably killed herself so she didnt have to live with the fact that she had a daughter like her. that’s when she told me she was going to call an ambulance and send me to the hospital. so i told her if she did when i got out i’d carve her name into my chest and send her a picture. she told me if i calmed down i could go home so i started jumping up and down and clapping my hands and laughing and saying im so okay! im so happy! clearly i was in a bpd episode as well but my fucking god the alcohol made me 10x more fucked in the head. later that night i got hammered and was watching a tv show which had an sa scene. i have pnes (quickest way to explain it is stress seizures) it was similar to my sa so i had a seizure. my mom said she came in because she heard sounds and she said the seizures werent stopping. she called 911 and i was sent to the hospital. at first i was in the regular er, then something was said or done and i was screaming and crying. they transferred me to the psych unit where they shot me up with ativan which i used to abuse and recently got clean of. i remember begging them not to give me ativan and that i would calm down and be quiet and i begged them to give me something different but they shot me up with it anyways. the kicking and screaming got worse after so i was shot up 3 more times. then the social worker i had when i went to the hospital for my sa who said “maybe i shouldnt have put myself in that situation” (the situation was a date with a boy at the movies) so when that hoe walked in i was ready to start swinging. she said i had to go to the psych ward so i started yelling that she had a vendetta against me and i wanted a new social worker. thankfully i was put into a super amazing 28 day outpatient facility instead. i was told if i drank again i would be put in the ward. i was okay until the outpatient ended 2 weeks ago. last week was hell. i dont have any support people currently. im talking to a guy right now and i really really like him but i think he is only in it for the sex because i mean like why else would an 18 year old want a 16 year old. so i started drinking again. my mom caught on quick this time and said if i drink again i cant go on anymore dates with the boy. so i finished the bottle the night after in secret. i havent drinken since but i think about it every night. i get it from a plug and he called me cute so now im talking to him too i guess he is 22 but it’s something to do i would never meet up with him irl for anything other than drugs. so that just makes it even easier to access now that im one of his favs. god im sorry for ranting so much i just havent talked to anyone in SO long. im homeschooled because of bullying, i have 0 friends, i cant leave the house unsupervised unless im with a friend, and i have a bad relationship with my family. i dont even do the homeschool work either, i just take the exams which im smart enough to get a’s on without trying (except math i have a b in math) and my mom fudges the rest. so i spend all of my time in my dark depression room, smoking weed and thinking about alcohol while waiting for something to change. i just cant do this anymore im so fucking depressed and empty all i want to do is drink or die but mainly just drink myself to death. i have a date tomorrow with the boy. i cut myself earlier when i was in a bad spot mentally and ik im crazy for thinking this but i want to see if he cares. if he will see them and fuck me anyways, or ask if im okay and need someone to talk to. ik my mind is fucked i just dont know what to do anymore.

As much as I like social media, and I can't get away from my phone, I feel that every year that goes by I have less real friends and more acquaintances. So... I am looking for people that would enjoy spending some time to build a nice friendship.
I am a 30 year old female living in Japan. I am an expat, which means I am not from this land, but chose here to call home (I don't know how long for, haha).
Once an emo, always an emo, so I still listen to the same songs I did back in early 2000's! I do enjoy listening to other genres too, and I appreciate sharing and receiving some nifty music recommendation!
Hobbies come and go, but lately I am (once again) back to jigsaw puzzling, trying to clear the weeds from my ACNH island, writing some lyrics for my band and going gout for coffee/beer. I also collect letter set paper, so expect to receive letters in colorful/cute/weird envelopes, which may never repeat!
I am open to exchange snail mail to everyone, no requirements! I would appreciate people that want to try longer exchanged, but if you want a one time only exchange, I could be up for that!
Other random facts about me could be shared throughout letters, so yay, drop me a message and let's see each other's handwriting!
P.S.: Not using my main account, because... We are sharing addresses, so better not share all my info first hand, right?

Bob then led us to our dressing room.
“Here we are, Boys!”, Bob said, extending his right arm in a presenting fashion, towards a white door, with the band name crudely written in black Sharpie on it, and what I can only assume was the translation of “Blackened Image” written in Japanese underneath it.
“Why do we need a dressing room, we’re already dressed?”, Stephen asked.
“You see, Boys! Like I said, I need to discuss a small business matter with the five of you! I will talk privately with Tony afterwards! Right now, Edgar… Where is Edgar?”, Bob asked.
“He went to talk to those tech guys earlier!”, Ricky answered.
“Rebecca, you have only been dating him for less than a day, human time, and he’s already leaving you behind to go hang out with the boys! You deserve better, dear!”, Bob said.
“Daddy, Stop! Edgar has a job to do, and I will respect that!”, Rebecca shot back.
“Very well! You can’t blame me for trying!”, Bob replied.
He then bellowed for Edgar.
Edgar came jogging over seconds later.
“Sorry, sir!”, Edgar said, “You called?”
“Yes, Edgar! Please show Rebecca, Tony, and Donna to their private seating area for the show! We will all meet up later afterwards!”
“Why can’t Donna stay?”, I asked Bob
“Do Not Start, Mr. Hard-Sell! I told you before, that my business is with you, and you only, and THIS… IS BUSINESS! What you do afterwards is on you! I like you! I really do! So please! Do not make me repeat myself again!”, Bob said intensely.
“It’s okay, Babe! You handle your business, and I’ll see you after the show!”, Donna said to me.
“Yeah, that way we can spend a little girl time, Girl”, Rebecca said to Donna, nudging her on the arm.
Donna then kissed me.
“Have a good show, babe!”, she said, as Edgar led them to their seating area.
“Shall we, Boys?”, Bob said, opening the dressing room door.
We all walked in, and Bob shut the door behind him.
The room wasn’t big, but it wasn’t small either.
A long table, with 5 metal “fold-up” chairs, sat to the right, with 5 rectangular “make-up” mirrors above it on the wall.
Several empty, old and rusty clothes racks on wheels, sat to the left.
A table about half the size of the first one, sat directly in front of us, with six stacks of papers, each stapled together, a coffee pot with all the fixings, and two cartons of Marboro cigarettes, with lighters and ashtrays on it.
“Have a seat, Boys! We have about an hour before the show starts, hopefully we’ll be finished long before that!”, Bob said.
We all then took a seat.
“Boys! There is one formality that we did not discuss at the time of your contract signing! That formality is your Financial Holdings Agreement! The reason I did not bring this up to you then, is simply because I was unsure if my plan was even going to work! After all, everything looks good on paper, until you try to execute it! But luckily for me, and you, my plan has exceeded all of my expectations so far, and I don’t see it stopping anytime soon!
Now, My plan was to open a bank account for all five of you, here in the real world! But, do you know how difficult that can be! Financial Institutions here in the real world, require much unnecessary information to even apply for an account! Information that I did not have! So, I decided to use a facility, with your approval of course, let’s say, closer to home!
He then grabbed the first five stacks of papers, leaving the sixth on the table, and handed each one of us a stack.
“The Eternal Bank of Hades”, the Header read.
“What is this?”, Derek asked.
Bob then sighed heavily.
“This is a Financial Holdings Agreement! I just told you that. Don’t you listen!”, Bob said frustrated, “You really should use earplugs, Boys, standing that close to those speakers, is severely affecting your hearing!
Anyway, what it does, is give me, the Devil, the authorization to hold all your financial earnings, in regards to Hellfire Records, at my institution, “The Eternal Bank Of Hades!”, for which I am the President, and Bank Manager of!”, Bob said proudly.
“Hell has a bank?”, Ricky asked.
“Oh yes! It’s like our own little town down there! I must give you a proper tour one day!”, Bob answered.
“Cool!”, Ricky said smiling.
“Ricky! He’s fucking with you again! If Hell doesn’t have a gift shop, or a cafeteria, they obviously don’t have a bank, for Bob to be President, or Manager of, either!”, I said.
“Aw, Man! Not again! You’re an asshole, Bob!”, Ricky said frustrated.
“Devil!”, Bob said, pointing at himself once again, and smiling, “Seriously though, Boys! It is actually a vault, I just like the word “Bank” for some reason!
You see, many celebrities in the TV and film industry, as well as the sports industry, pay me rather large amounts of money, to keep their status within their said industry!
And I mean… A… LOT… of money!
So, I needed somewhere to store these funds!
Now, not that it is any of your business, but these funds are used to enhance the whole Hell experience!
I hire shady human contractors, who do not wish to have their corrupt business practices exposed, or out of work engineers, to build me certain structures, or mechanics, to make Hell even a worse place to be, such as, The Torture Tower, a 17 story structure that holds all my torture devices, Fire In The Hole, a burning roller coaster that descends into the lake of fire, and my favorite, Dismemberment Hall, which will be opening soon, for my own entertainment! You should see it, Boys! It is most fabulous!”
Anyway, back to what I was saying, I did a little research on the Banking Industry as a whole!
What a scam that is! I love it!
You put your money into their bank, they charge you for holding your money, in their bank, then charge you again to take it out, of their bank!
And you humans do this willingly!
You pay them, your own money… to hold, said money… and give you back, said money… out of the money, you originally gave them to hold! It’s brilliant!
Now, Unlike human Financial Institutions, I will not charge to hold, and/or to give you back your own money! You can do with it as you wish!
All you have to do is call from a touch-tone phone… 1 (555) E. T. E. R. N. A. L., use the promo code, “PLAN”, when prompted, Enter your identification number, which I will give you shortly, also when prompted, press 1 for balance inquiry, or Press 2 for withdrawal, when prompted, then enter the amount of money you wish to receive, again when prompted!
If it does not exceed your balance, the amount you entered will appear, seconds later, right in front of you!
If it does not, Press 0, to speak to one of our fine representatives!
There is a short survey afterwards, but it is strictly optional!
All the money that you receive will be in cash, so you don’t have to fear that, something you humans call, the Internal Revenue Service, will take your hard earned money!
That is a better scam than the banking industry! And they say I am evil!”
“Yeah, right!”, Ricky said smiling, “You’re not getting me again, Bob! If Hell doesn’t have a Bank, a gift shop, or a cafeteria, I’m sure there’s no phone service either!”
“Brain cells, Boys! Brain cells!”, Bob stated, just like Reggie said, then continued, “What was it, my dear boy, that you used, while in Hell, to call Mr. Hard-Sell here, when you invited him to audition for the band… Was it… a phone?”, Bob said sarcastically.
“Dang it!”, Ricky said defeated, “You’re right!”
Bob just smiled.
“Now, here are your numbers Boys, please remember them!”
“Mr. Attitude!”, Bob said, pointing at Derek… you are number one!
“Mr. California!”, pointing at Corey… you are number two!
“Mr. Drummer Boy!”, pointing at Stephen… you are number three!
“Mr. Brain Cells!”, pointing at Ricky… you are number four!
And last, but not least, you, “Mr. Hard-Sell!”, pointing at me… you are number five!
Your number is also written on the top of your contract!
Please feel free to look over this document! Take as long as you need! But remember Boys, the show starts in about 30 minutes!
Derek and Corey signed immediately.
Stephen looked over a few pages then signed.
Ricky waited for me.
I glanced over the contract quickly, finding nothing out of place again.
I signed, my real name this time, then Ricky signed.
We all handed the contracts back to Bob.
“Very Good, Boys!”, Bob said, “You’re money will be available shortly!”
“We have money, besides what’s in our pockets?”, Stephen asked.
“Yes, Boys! The money from your album sales, your endorsement deal, what they paid you all to do the radio show, as well as appear at the meet and greet session…”, Bob began.
“We got paid to do that?”, Ricky asked, “It was so much fun!”
“Yes, my intellectually challenged friend! You don’t do anything, in regards to Hellfire Records, without getting paid! I’m not running a charity here! If you sneeze into a napkin, I’m sure someone somewhere will pay to own it.”, Bob answered, then continued, “…and all the proceeds from the tickets sales for tonight’s show, will be totaled up, divided by 5, and that amount will be placed in each one of your “accounts” so to speak!
The funds will be available shortly!
It is only going to get better. Bigger shows, guest appearances, more endorsement deals, tour sponsors, etc! This is only the beginning!
I will be glad to add any remaining funds from your signing bonus to your available balance, if you would like, just hand it over to me, Boys!”
Bob then extended his hand.
Derek, Corey, Stephen, and Ricky, reached into their pockets, and gave Bob the remaining money almost immediately.
How he knew who’s money was who’s… I don’t know. But I guess he knew somehow.
“I’ll keep mine, Bob!”, I said, still a little skeptical that Bob was telling the truth, after his lie about the box earlier.
“Very Well, Mr. Hard-Sell! It’s been a pleasure doing business with you all!
Now, here is your Setlist!”, Bob said, and handed it to me, “You will only be performing the ten songs, in the order as they appear on the album!No drum solo, no guitar solo, and no encore. That is all your time limit will allow! You may introduce each song, if you care to, but DO NOT deviate from this list, or extent the show past the 45 minute alotted show time!
A countdown clock will be positioned stage right, to let you know how much time you have left!
Another copy of this list is taped to the floor of the stage where each one of you are positioned! Have a good show, Boys!”, Bob said.
He then opened the dressing room door, stepped out, and closed it behind him.
Derek, Corey, Stephen, and Ricky all began celebrating, high fiving each other, and throwing up the horns.
“We’re gonna be rich!”, Derek yelled, “Rock and Roll!”
I just sat there, looking at the list.
Feed The Fire. Laugh At Me. Til All Your Tears Are Gone. The Legend Of Angels Run. In My Heart. Before The Blackest Dark Of Dawn. Forever And A Day. Out In The Streets. Ammunition. Eating Out Of My Hands.
“What happened to the other five songs?“, I thought.
I blew it off, then thought about making a pot of coffee, but wasn’t sure if we had enough time for me to drink a cup, as there wasn’t a clock in the dressing room, plus I didn’t want to take the chance of pissing myself on stage, given the fact that I couldn’t leave to use the restroom, so I didn’t.
Ricky grabbed a pack of cigarettes, took one out and lit it.
“Give me one!”, Stephen said.
“I’ll take one!”, Derek said.
“Me too!”, said Corey, “It ain’t weed, but it’s better than nothing!”
Ricky handed Stephen the pack. Stephen took one, then passed the pack around.
“Guys!”, I said, trying to get their attention.
“What, Man?”, Corey said, as they all turned to look at me.
“You do realize, that Bob lied to us about that box thing behind the drum kit, right?”
“Who cares, Man! We’re gonna be rich!”, Derek said, as they all went back to celebrating.
I just shook my head.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, the door opened, and in walked a very cute little Japanese woman, wearing the same kind of Earmuffs as the techs, and carrying a clipboard.
“10 Minutes!”, she said, “10 minutes to show, you go!”, and motioned for us to follow her.
The guys put their cigarettes out, as we all walked through the door, and began following her.
She led us down the hallway, made a left, then a right, then stopped.
We could hear the audience cheering.
She then pointed at a curtain to her right, “Through there!”, she said.
We all just looked at each other.
“Let’s do this!”, Stephen said.
“Rock and Roll!”, Derek shouted.
The Japanese woman just looked at us funny.
Derek then pushed through the curtain, as we all followed behind.
The curtain led to the stage.
The cheering got louder.
On the stage, stood Bob, who gave us a thumbs up, as we all took our positions.
I looked down to see the Setlist taped to the floor in front of me.
I then turned to my right to again see that weird box behind Stephen’s drum kit. The red indicator light was glowing.
I turned back around.
“After I introduce you, start playing!”, Bob said, and walked through the curtain to address the audience.
“Alright, Tokyo! Are you ready? Will you welcome Hellfire recording artist… BLACKENED… IMAGE!”, Bob said.
Which is the exact introduction CHEAP TRICK got on their LIVE AT BUDOKAN album, except the Hellfire part, and the band name.
The crowd went insane, as the curtain opened, and Security Guards began running over, and standing in front of the stage, facing the crowd.
Stephen counted it off, and we began jamming “Feed The Fire!”, I could hear Edgar’s keyboard track being played from the speakers around the stage.
“Lie!”, I thought.
I looked to my right, and saw the countdown clock ticking away.
I looked to my left to see Donna, Tony, and Rebecca, standing there rocking out, surrounded by 2 more Security Guards, as I played.
I smiled, did a little Rocker stance, and turned back around, as Corey began singing.
I then took a look at Stephen, who was pounding away on his drums, his long red hair flying everywhere.
That is when I noticed it.
The indicator light, on top of that box, was now green.