Disclaimer: this is an extremely long post with a lot of background information. If you wish to skip, please proceed to paragraph 7 lol
I was convicted in October of ‘23 for pandering. I spent 5 months in my county’s CBCF as a result of the charge and have been placed on probation for 2 years but could be let off sooner. However, the 22 videos and 44 images that I dreadfully downloaded happened back in October of ‘21.
To make another extremely long story short, this happened due to the end of my 2 year marriage that resulted in infidelity on both ends (I was 20 and she was 18 when we got married) and I decided to cope in the worst ways possible. Alcohol binges, dating apps, porn, hook ups and steroids. I believe the steroids that I took were a huge contributing factor in terms of escalating the type of porn I was watching which inevitably led me down a rabbit hole over a 3 year span. However the illegal stuff was a very isolated time frame, less than a month, before realizing what I was doing was extremely wrong.
Not trying to make excuses, but during that time I was dating my soon to be baby mom and our relationship was extremely toxic and unhealthy. She ended up finding non illegal images of younger girls in my dropbox account in my files on my computer (I was completely unaware my phone was being backed up.) She obviously freaked, and I was very open and honest about things. It took a while for her to come around and understand, but we agreed that I were to get help. I did and it was very useful. As time went on, she would accuse me of looking at images still (I wasn’t) and would get mad if I watched porn at all (even though she did all the time) I was the only one who worked and I had to provide for her and her son. It was very difficult and I was constantly ridiculed. Every day I was in that relationship it was like walking on eggshells due to her threatening to expose me. I was trapped. Eventually I lost my job and while I was unemployed for a month is when I said “fuck it, if I’m going to get accused all the time I may as well escape from this hellhole somehow” and that’s when the illegal stuff happened.
I felt ashamed of myself and deleted everything I had off my phone (or so I thought). Months go by, we have our daughter, everything is fine until one night she goes through my phone while I was asleep because she thought I was cheating on her. I worked at a popular bar with lots of attractive girls. And honestly, I did cheat on her once and the evidence was there. But while she went through my phone, she found a couple deleted non illegal images that I deleted from my camera roll recently and a zip file in my “files” app on my phone that had a female name on it. I thought I deleted everything from my past but I forgot one thing. She then turns my phone in to the police while I was asleep and the investigation was underway.
I decide to contact a lawyer and move home with my parents. A couple days later, she stops by the house and we have a conversation and I tell her the truth about what I downloaded in the past. She regretted things immediately and wanted to move home with me and genuinely make things work. Well, since you’re reading this post, obviously things didn’t work out. We separated again after 3 months because of a fictional cultivated scenario of DV in my car where I ended up with more bruises on my face than her fake makeup bruise she painted on the day later. But because I was the drunk, big male passenger, I was charged and sent to jail. We didn’t speak to one another for 6 months then tried to make things work again when I took a plea deal for Assault because she threatened I wouldn’t see my daughter if I took things to trial. We dated for another 6 months, getting hotels and spending time as a family up until I was sentenced to CBCF. Mind you, this whole time her family and her friends and everyone on her social media didn’t know we were together since she plastered my case and me all over Facebook and Instagram, exaggerating everything. Saying I had hundreds of thousands of images and that I beat her up, all of which simply wasn’t true.
While I was in CBCF, we had phone calls and video visits for a month before finding out that she was already dating and living with another guy. I was heartbroken and it made my time in there difficult but eventually, I learned to let go and focus on healing myself. I took many classes in which I took very seriously and received great mental health treatment. I felt the happiest I had been in 7 years. I get out, I see my daughter and have breakfast with baby mom, and then things go south again. My case is plastered all over social media from people I went to high school with, containing all these outrageous claims and then my baby mom chimes in and puts out more false info.
So finally what I’m getting at, is how can I even think about trying to make new friends or even try to have a relationship with anyone? The people I thought were my friends stopped talking to me except for one. He’s my best friend and I’m very grateful for him. I’ve told him my story and he never judged once, he actually understood. I’m trying my best to restart my life, but I have so much anxiety doing so because of all the misinformation plastered everywhere on social media.
For instance, I met a couple girls a few weeks ago that bartend and I thought would be great recruits for my buddy’s restaurant that I’m helping open. We all become friends and last week I finally let one of the girls know I was interested in her since the other one told me that she thought I was hot. We agreed that it wasn’t going to be anything serious and just enjoy the summer with each other since she just got out of a relationship and wanted to focus on herself. Well, I’m assuming she somehow caught wind of things about me because today she asked “what’s your last name” I told her, despite nervously knowing where it was headed. I sent another text stating “I’m assuming I know why you’re asking, and to be honest I have no problem telling you the truth about things if you’re actually interested in knowing. If not, I totally understand”
No response. I check insta, she unfollowed me. Check snap, she deleted me.
I understand people’s decisions and have no problem with them. I can’t take things personally and can accept things for what they are. However, at night I really start to think about things and make myself upset because why won’t anyone let me tell them my side of the story? Not my “friends,” and not someone who I genuinely felt like I had a great connection with. I don’t plan on hiding who I am, but I at least want the person to know that I am a good human being who is working on themselves diligently before ever bringing up my past.
How would any of my fellow offenders tackle this, and how would you female supporters react to my situation? I’m trying my best to rebuild my life but the anxiety of it all can be crippling. Now I have to start over to square one, with my confidence reset back to 0 now that I’ve been ghosted.
I would consider myself to be an attractive man, solid 7.5-8. 5’11, 210lbs and very into fitness. I bust my ass at work, drive a nice vehicle, I’m compassionate, empathetic and emotionally mature thankfully because of therapy. I’m not trying to blow my own horn, but I would consider myself to be a high quality man. However, this conviction is a major blow to everything else I have going on for me. Any advice on how anyone believes I should go about my life would be greatly appreciated. This is all new to me, and it’s very frustrating to say the least.
Thank you all for your time in advance

I've commented a few times in a few posts about my family's experience going through the F-1 to H-1B to GC route to migrate to the US and I've received a lot of questions over the DM, many of which I thought were pretty basic. I thought it might be helpful to put this primer together so folks know the right questions to ask and approach their planning more strategically.
This post is going to be very candid. I've noticed that the questions I've received come from misconceptions about higher education, F-1 visa, and what comes after graduation. I want to give folks the right information, but also temper expectations and give a realistic portrait of what it means and takes to use the student pathway to legally and permanently reside in the US. It is not a stroll in the park, and I don't want to give anyone the wrong idea.

BACKGROUND

Two of my siblings plus myself are all here in the US via the student visa route. I received my green card in 2021 after being in the US for nearly 4 years. After receiving my Masters at a prestigious university, I was hired immediately by an organization willing to sponsor my H-1B, which they did so after two years of employment under STEM-OPT work authorization. My employer started putting together my I-140 (Immigrant Petition for Alien Worker, which is the start of the process for an employment-based green card) shortly after receiving approval of my H-1B. As the paperwork was being put together, my partner and I decided to get married and I switched from employment-based green card to marriage-based green card. The employment-based green card would have added around a 3 year wait if we went through with it, while my marriage-based green card was approved in less than a year.
Both my siblings are currently in the same pathway. One received their Bachelors last year, was hired before graduation and has recently received approval for her H-1B. Their employer has committed to sponsoring their employment-based green card next year. My other sibling received their MFA last year and is now in the process of getting their O-1, which is a different kind of work visa. Like me, they both came to the US with a student visa. We were all very strategic about the programs we chose and how we approached networking within our industries.
We also prepared for years. I knew I wanted to get my Masters and permanently reside in the US even before I finished college in Manila. My siblings also knew that early on. So as a family we planned for years, including preparing financially because we knew that we had a very slim chance of getting free rides for our planned degrees. Our early planning also helped with our professional decision-making, because we became very strategic about what kinds of jobs we took after graduation in Manila (except our youngest sibling, who did her Bachelors in the US, so her planning revolved around her academic career in high school). I would say from start (initial planning) to finish (with the last sibling also now on the way to permanent residency), it took about a decade.

GETTING STARTED

Is the student pathway the right pathway for you?
The first question you should ask yourself: can you afford the student pathway to permanent residency in the US? Higher education in the US is not cheap. Universities very rarely offer full scholarships to Masters programs, and those that do are incredibly competitive. So you cannot depend on scholarships to help you pay for your degree--doing so will likely end in disappointment.
(PhDs are usually free and includes a living stipend, but the application process for PhDs are on a whole other level. I will not cover it here but I can answer any questions related to applying for PhDs.)
Most Masters programs in the US are two-year programs, and the average cost of a Masters degree is around $60,000 per year (source). That's $120,000--almost Php7,000,000--in two years. That is a lot of money. That does not include your cost of living, which depending on the location can vary. I personally spent around $1000 on living expenses every month (housing was through the school, so the cost of that was included in my tuition statement)--and that is living frugally in a very high cost of living city. That's an additional $12,000 per year. Of course, you can lower than number by living with family if that option is available to you.
So on average, you would need around Php4,200,000 per year for your Masters degree. Again, a lot of money. It goes without saying that the student pathway is a very expensive pathway to permanent residency in the US. Can it also be a quicker pathway than, say, being sponsored by a sibling? It can be, but that depends on how long it will take for you to save up for tuition.
What if you can make those numbers work? What else should you know?
I need to put this upfront: the F-1 student visa is a non-immigrant visa. Meaning that it is a visa meant for people who will enter the US on a temporary basis. This is why the student visa has no direct pathway or benefit to permanent residency in the US. You need to change status inside the US to one with immigrant intent or double intent to be able to be on that pathway or receive that benefit. That's where visas like the H-1B visa comes in.
You also cannot work outside of your school on an F-1 visa. During the school year, you are allowed to work part-time on campus, and during the summer you are allowed to work full-time on campus. Work outside of the school is only allowed if it's part of your curriculum (i.e. your program has a class for "onsite internship") and you are allowed to be paid while that opportunity is going on. You can do this part-time, but most legitimate universities will have limited opportunities for this (i.e. under your program you're only allowed to take credit for onsite internships one or two semesters). However, your eligibility to work full-time after getting your degree will be affected if you do this full-time for one year. If you want to jump from F-1 to H-1B, this is not something you want to do.
Your ability to bring dependents to the US on a student visa is also limited. You can only bring your spouse and unmarried children under 21. Dependents of F-1 visa holders are not allowed to work in the US (although children under 21 can go to school full-time). This means your spouse cannot work while in the United States, and that includes working remotely for a company in the Philippines.

APPLYING TO PROGRAMS

The student visa still seems like my best option. What's next?
The next step starts with you. I've received a good number of DMs asking me "Is Master of ABC the right course for me?" or "Will a Master of DEF get me a green card?" These are not the right questions to ask because they're not going to get you any good answers. Yes, we know the ultimate goal for taking your Masters in the US to get permanent residency. But the true purpose of getting a Masters in the US is to make you highly marketable and competitive to US employers that will be willing to sponsor your work visa and petition you for your permanent residency.
So you need to view this degree as a way to level yourself up professionally. I absolutely do not suggest getting a Masters degree in something "you already know"--the objective is not to coast while spending Php4,200,000 a year--but to be so much better at what you're already doing. Here's an example.

Maria Clara graduated from Accounting at a good university in Manila and now has around 2 years of experience as a CPA at the finance and accounting department at a multinational corporation based in Makati. She wants to get her permanent residency to the US via the student pathway and has done a significant amount of research on possible Masters programs and career paths in accounting in the US. She started reading into forensic accounting and realized how interested she is in various aspects of this career path. After looking through universities and programs, she has put SUNY Albany's MS in Forensic Science at the top of her list for a variety of reasons. One, it meets the education requirements for certified public accountant licensure in the state of New York. Two, even without a scholarship of financial aid, the costs for international students is not exorbitant at $23,000/Php1,320,000 for the year-long program--with some frugal living and help from relatives in the US, she can save that amount in 3-4 years. Three, New York is the center of global commerce--all the biggest companies and their accounting firms are either headquartered or have large offices in New York City, so she has a wide swath of employment options. Now she just has to get her ducks in a row and make sure her Bachelors meets the requirements for application, as well as put together a shortlist of other programs she should apply and create a timeline for herself and the milestones that need to be hit to make this dream a reality.

Bottomline is, your starting point in this entire process is reflection and research. You need to reflect on your own professional experience and skills, as well as your interests. You need to figure out which pathway will give you that professional and technical boost and do your research on available programs at reputable universities, what the job market looks like for your target profession, which companies are known to hire in this space.
Of course, you should also take into consideration your limitations. For example, you can only go to school in San Diego because you can stay with relatives while you're studying. That means your research is location-limited to however far you think you can commute.
When this is properly done, it should lead you to a place where you have a shortlist of programs to apply to. Each program will have their own application and testing requirements, as well as their own deadlines, so make sure to keep track of that.
PRO TIP: while grades during college are an important part of your application, many graduate programs put a lot of weight on your personal statement and professional recommendation letters. This is why the first step on reflection is critical--it gives you a good direction from which to build your story, which you will need to convince admissions committees to accept you into their programs.

ACCEPTANCE

I got into one of my top programs and I have my finances in order! What happens now?
Now it's time to apply for your F-1 visa. Your university will provide you with the documentation you need from them (this is mainly the I-20 and your acceptance letter), but the bulk of the documentation you need to present to the visa officer will mostly come from you. Namely, because the F-1 is a non-immigrant visa, you need to show strong ties to the Philippines. This can take a variety of forms, and oftentimes your mileage may vary especially depending on the school you will be attending (i.e. there will be less scrutiny if you're going to Harvard as compared to a university that's not that known).
If you did not receive a scholarship with your acceptance, you also need to show that you are able to afford the first year of matriculation. So bank statements containing the total amount of tuition, as well as room and board, will be important (usually the I-20 that the university will issue you will include this amount).
At the interview, be polite and only answer the questions asked. Do not offer up information not asked by the visa officer. I suggest you have a ready answer if the visa officer asks you why this particular school and program, but you should have this answer already if you followed my advice about reflecting and researching before applying to programs :)
Visa is approved and on hand! What do I do while I wait to leave for the US?
Networking starts the moment you receive your passport with your F-1 visa. You absolutely cannot and should not waste a single minute of your active student visa, so this is the time you start telling people that you're going to be studying in the US. You need to work your current network and find peers and mentors who will be willing to connect you with colleagues they know who work in the US or have ties to the US in your professional field. Let's go back to Maria Clara as an example.

Finally, after years of hard work, Maria Clara has her desired acceptance into SUNY's MS in Forensic Accounting program, and her F-1 visa was approved by the embassy without any issues. After celebrating with her family, she lets her boss know about her visa approval, who has been one of her most ardent cheerleaders during this entire process. Her boss has also offered to introduce her to their counterparts in the US once she got her visa approved, which is really important to Maria Clara--she knows she needs to get ahead of networking professionally since her time in the US is limited. She has also reached out to other people she knows in the company that engage frequently with teams in the US. She's messaged her college professors as well, as she knows that a number of alumni from her college have migrated to the US. Her plan is to get connected with as many professionals in her field as possible, connect with them in person once she's in the US, and build a rapport with as many connections as possible so she can be guided accordingly and stand out when the time to apply for jobs comes.

Remember that unlike US citizens (USC) and legal permanent residents (LPR), your time in the US is limited and bound by the rules set by your visa. So you have to be creative and get ahead in some way. You need to be more prepared and more strategic than USCs and LPRs because you simply do not have the time to dilly dally. Yes, enjoy and savor in the moment of seeing the fruits of your labor, but the hard part begins now. You simply do not have time to waste.

DURING THE PROGRAM

I'm in the US now and working harder than ever! Is there anything more I can do to set myself apart from others?
Other than to make sure you have high grades and you're setting aside time to build professional relationships, it's time to think outside the box. Remember that you are limited by the rules of the F-1 visa, so experiences such as an off-campus summer internship is off limits to you. You will need to find ways to strengthen your resumé that doesn't include working off campus, and that could take many forms. One of the most effective recommendations I've received on this is to do an independent research during the summer--you could do it via a professor whose class you really liked, or if you've made inroads with some of the connections you've been building since getting your visa, have a professor oversee a research project you could do with those connections. (This is still academic work, and many programs will give credit for this, so it is not considered off-campus work under the eyes of USCIS.) You can use your research to really elevate your skills and experiences when applying for jobs.
It's also time to seriously start looking at potential employers. You can use the connections you've built to get a sense of what the professional landscape is for your field, learn about peoples' experiences at various companies and organizations, and get a feel for hiring processes. Remember, you don't have a lot of time to apply for jobs once you near the end of your program, so you have to be armed with the right information to guide your job hunting strategy. You will need to put yourself out there and be the best version of your professional self if you want employers to disregard that they will need to spend more money to hire you rather than a USC or LPR who doesn't need sponsorship.

LAST SEMESTER AND GRADUATION

I'm in my last semester of my program! Any tips?
The last semester is usually job hunting season, so make sure that resumé is polished and your network is activated. By now, if you've done the leg work, you will have a shortlist of potential employers and you will have made connections in most, if not all, of them. Time to check-in and ensure that they know you're interested in joining their company and you'd like their support and guidance in doing so. This is one of the harder parts of this journey, and you have to be relentless. Use all the resources at your disposal to ensure your resumé is seen by as many eyes as possible, and that includes speaking to your professors, especially your favorite ones, so they can also lend a hand.
More importantly: submit your work permit application (more commonly known as OPT) as early as possible to avoid delays and getting stuck in the USCIS backlog. You need this permit to be able to work after graduation for a limited time (one year for graduates of non-STEM programs, with an additional two years for graduates of STEM programs) without needing to immediately require H-1B sponsorship.
Getting employed by a company willing to sponsor you is not the end of the line. All for-profit companies are subject to the H-1B lottery, which means you will be competing with other internationals for the limited number of H-1B visas allotted every year. So even with an employer willing to sponsor, the H-1B visa is still not guaranteed. You can work around this by joining what is a called a cap-exempt organization instead, and USCIS classifies those as institutions of higher education, nonprofit entities related to or affiliated with an institution of higher education, nonprofit research organizations, and governmental research organizations. That means more research, and more targeted strategic networking, given that your employer pool now is limited.

EPILOGUE

The student visa is not an easy or cheap pathway to permanent residency in the US. It is getting harder and harder to beat out USCs and LPRs for great jobs in companies that have the experience and resources to sponsor H-1Bs and GCs. You need to do your research every step of the way and prepare to do some really grueling work in order to be the better investment for these companies. Plus, there is the luck element of the H-1B lottery. But it's not impossible. It can and does happen--my family is a great example of it (we're 3 for 3 in this pathway now). Your preparation and willingness to go the extra mile is critical, and you have to be ready to grind for a while. Rest often only comes when the green card is approved.
For those still considering the student visa pathway to migrate to the US after reading this very long post--good luck, and may the force be with you.

I think my only option is to completely resign as a stepparent. I desperately need advice about sustaining a marriage with polar opposite parenting styles, & how to deal with teenage boys with no manners or basic hygiene.
There is a lot of background here I will try to keep as to-the-point as possible. I am 34 with a 10 year-old daughter. My husband is 39 with a 15 year-old son. We each had kids at 23. We are 5 years apart, as are our kids. We were also friends for 5 years before “courting” & built a strong bond of trust already, so yes, we courted. I had rejected him a few times over the years, as I was abstinent after a toxic relationship & did not want to repeat the same patterns. Over the covid lockdowns, we started talking, texting, facetiming more than ever. When he asked me out again, I told him I was not interested in dating without the ultimate goal of marriage, to which he said, “Good. I don’t want a girlfriend, I want a wife.” 3 months later, we became engaged & our marriage is truly amazing & fulfilling in so nearly every way except one - my daughter & I, some of the most playful & outgoing outdoorsy girls you could meet, have no idea how to connect to his son. And there is nothing to make me think it is worth even trying anymore.
Miraculously, husband & I both get along extremely well with our co-parents. I could not see myself with someone that doesn’t. Neither of us have court orders or child support or rigid schedules. My daughter’s bio dad is one of my best friends, & I made very clear that a relationship with me means respecting his role. He said the same of his son’s bio mom. I come from a very blended family in which this is the ideal. My parents were at each other’s weddings & all get along & still get together. Our own coparents attended our wedding a year & a half ago. And that meant the absolute world to me & hopefully if not now, someday our kids.
For sure, my husband could not be a better stepfather. He & my daughter share inside jokes & their own games & pranks. She has her own nickname for him & will run to him & hug & climb all over him. They convinced me to add baby goats to our homestead, & have been tending to & bottle-feeding them both, a beautiful connection & commitment to share. He says, “She makes it easy.” And to put it lightly, his son does not - but I am absolutely not allowed to talk about it without getting ridiculed.
I first met the son when he was 13. Overweight, awkward, all of his hair in front of his eyes. He then retreated to his room. I know him to be the exact same now. He is 6’0 & I think over 200lbs, larger than my dad. He defaults to locking himself in his room. Unless asked to help stack wood or play a game with the rest of us, he only emerges to use the bathroom (in which he never brushes his teeth or washes his hands), or ask his dad for food - of which, he literally only eats yellow rice & chicken. He will otherwise smash an entire bag of “Takis” or flaming hot Cheetos at 10 AM & continuously throughout the day as they are available to him. He plays live multiplayer games from morning often to midnight or 3 AM, with my daughter’s room right next to him, where I blast the fan & AC & ocean sounds to drown him out. Calling this out seemed to be calling stepson out personally, so all I can do is adapt. Daughter thankfully likes it cold.
I have tried to be as soft & supportive in airing my grievances to husband, but they are never taken with grace or accountability. I am not perfect & have definitely been passive aggressive with his reactivity, as he takes my issues as insults rather than something to work on. He casts blame on bio mom or Covid, & now me. “I don’t know what goes on at bio-mom’s house, we moved an hour away & he gets carsick! I’m out of his life!” “It’s because he was stuck inside for 2 years!” “Are you sure you didn’t HEAR him say hi?” “Good news, I’ve been living with him 15 years, never sanitized a doorknob in his life, & I’ve been fine!” “I wouldn’t want to leave my room with you criticizing his every move either!”
Our first night in our new home for example, was a nightmare. My hand lotion moved from the bathroom counter to the back of the toilet - so then into our room immediately. He left the toilet seat open & my razor covered in pubes. He left open bags of chips with crumbs all over the counter. “It’s an adjustment, it’s hard on everyone!” Husband said over & over. This was an understatement, being that my daughter has been raised to ask for anything from snack time to screen time always with “please,” “thank you,” & we eat out of bowls that we put in the sink rather than stack in our room with soda cans & candy wrappers.. I am familiar with the saying, “Living room kids come from healthy families. Bedroom kids do not.” Daughter is a living room kid. Stepson is a bedroom kid. Either way, I had never had personal items used without asking &felt extremely violated by stepson, then upset that husband blamed me for it instead of understanding where I was coming from.
This remains true nearly a year later. My husband has started lashing out while drinking the past few months, accusing me of “HATING” his son, which is extremely hurtful as I do not harbor any hate in my heart for anyone. What I disdain is the way he is raising his son under our shared roof & living spaces, & that he refuses to acknowledge or communicate about it. As things were not greatly improving, I personally had a talk with stepson about basic manners. I said, “When you enter this house without a greeting or making eye contact, it is an insult. It comes off as rude & entitled & I don’t like feeling like a ghost in my own house. This is your house too & I want you to feel comfortable. But you can help me feel more comfortable too.” “Yeah, okay. Sorry.”
I have truly never had a real conversation with this kid. He does say “hi” & “bye” & the occasional “thank you” now. At this point, it is abundantly clear that he does not want me in a step role, & neither does his father, & neither does bio mom. So it seems I have no choice but to let it all go & suffer bad manners & hygiene, silence, & now bitter resentment from husband.
What I have observed is that I actually“coparent” with my daughter’s father. We coordinate around each other’s schedules, we make decisions together, we communicate about her physical, emotional, spiritual, educational, & social wellbeing. Husband & bio mom do not. They parent in isolation & simply let the other do as they please, which has resulted in a child without manners or discipline. This has led bio mom to put the kid on PROZAC without husband’s consent. This horrified me, as someone who only goes to the doctor for stitches. My daughter’s doctor is the naturopath who midwived her in the bedroom she still sleeps in at her father’s house. I understand not everyone is as holistically minded, but I begged husband to get him to a nutritionist first. The child is obese & malnourished. But too late. Bio mom did as she pleased without communication, which seems constant among them.
I have not shared my views as I know they are not welcome. Bio mom is medicated, her other 10 year-old son (deceased dad) is medicated, & now teenage stepson is as well. Husband blames our distance from him which feels like an indirect blame on me, as we are closer to my community & business as husband works from home. But truly they live in the ghetto, & I have always lived on the coast & barely like to drive through those inner cities. I set up a high school tour for them here which is one of the best schools in the state with a tech program I thought stepson would love, but he chose to stay with his friends, in one of the worst schools of the state. He incredibly won class president, though has dropped a bunch of honors classes & continues failing others.
My birthday was last week. When my husband asked what I wanted, I said baby back ribs & family. I just wanted to grill & chill due to an insane work week. I run a housekeeping business & worked for 24 hours in 3 days opening up for the summer rental season. I did not want to go crazy hosting & knew I would if we invited friends. “Are you sure? You wouldn’t be hosting, I will be! You don’t have to do a thing!” He emphasized over & again. So when a friend ended up visiting from out of state, I was ecstatic to invite her & our mutual close friend to BBQ with us. They are single moms with 4 toddlers between them & wanted to camp on our land.
We had a great day grilling & running the sprinkler & feeding the animals. Husband had promised stepson would be outside with us all day. Toward the evening, I asked where he was. “Do you see any other teenagers out there? What’s he supposed to do?” I was hurt. “Well I don’t see any 10 year-olds either, but [daughter] is still out there, & you actually said he would spend the whole day with us. I just want some time all together.” Husband knocked on his son’s door & said, “Hey it’s her birthday, it’d be nice if you come out & spend some time with us.” Then he did, & even if it was just a quick basketball game with his dad & he introduced himself to no one, it still meant so much to me.
So later when we had helped friends & toddlers set up a tent & fire in our woods, I hugged husband & thanked him for bringing stepson out with us, saying family time was all I wanted. “You two have such a healthy relationship,” my friend says. At the time, it uplifted him & he said he loved this friend to death. A few hours later, he said it was “hilarious.”
We had invited stepson’s mom, but she was out of town. My coparent joined us however, & he & husband stayed at camp with the moms & toddlers while I went to tuck daughter into bed around 9. We played some trivia to unwind, said a prayer, & I kissed her good night & went to start the dishes. Husband & coparent came back around 11 when I was ready to go to bed myself. They were suddenly on a completely different level as my slow & steady beer intake. Both their legs were gashed & covered in blood from their hike without a flashlight, which they thought was hysterical. They were loud & silly like, “You can’t go to bed, it’s your birrrfday!” & I realized, ah. They were drinking my girls’ tequila.
Coparent went on a drunk spiel thanking me so much for all the love I am, how I keep the family together, this & that & showering me with slurred praise. Husband was drunkenly yet enthusiastically agreeing & thanking me, saying I was the best. I tried staying up with them to be polite but they were so deep in conversation on a different level that I went to go make the baby goat formula for their 5AM feeding & go to bed. But I couldn’t find their bottles. I raised my hand with the men, gradually higher & higher to ask husband if he had seen them. “I see you have your hand raised, but hang on, let me finish this point,” coparent said. So husband finally noticed, & I cut in anyway asking if he had seen them. “As a matter of fact, no, YOU fed the goats last so I have no IDEA where they are,” he raised his voice, literally pointing a finger at me.
That suddenly spiraled into another drunken heated accusation of how much I hate his son. I started crying & saying all I wanted was for him to be with us today & that I was grateful he brought him out. He fought me saying they can never have a good weekend because of me, called me an “@$$hole,” & said “F you ,” 3 times in a row, upsetting me so much as there was absolutely nothing I could say, to the point I slugged him in the arm to get him to stop. This has happened twice before embarrassingly with alcohol, when he just yells & yells things that are not true & curses at me that I can’t even respond vocally. “You see how she treats me?!” Both men of course freaked out & coparent started yelling at me to listen to husband. This essentially turned into 2 hours of incessant berating from both of them. They both cried during their own tangents. It spun out of asking for baby goat bottles & continued til 2 AM with, for the first time, continual threats of divorce.
“You are not in this relationship & do not need to mediate it,” I told coparent.
“Like it or not, I am! How you treat husband affects all of us! His feelings are VALID & you need to be quiet & listen to him!” he said.
“I’ve heard this all before & it is simply not true! I do not hate stepson & he wants to divorce me because he thinks I do!”
“Emotions cause us to say things we don’t mean, he does not want to divorce you & knows you don’t hate him,” coparent said.
“Oh no, I DEFINITELY believe she hates him. And if I have to spend the last 4 years of his youth with my son being constantly criticized, I will absolutely divorce her!”
“I did not criticize him once today! I never criticize him, I am trying to help us become a functional household!”
And he just went round & round in the same circular aggressions that can only hear themselves. I continually begged for them to stop yelling as daughter’s window was open, the baby goats needed sleep, our rabbits didn’t need that stress. But I got yelled at more for that. “You can’t control passion & you need to sit down & LISTEN to your husband!” Coparent kept insisting. But I had heard it all many times before. I even tried to sleep in the goat pen, trying to settle the poor babies, still hearing the men raise their voices about me, how being critical was just my nature, & then got yelled out of there.
Around midnight, I tried to resign again & go back inside to finish dishes when stepson emerged. “Do you know where Dad is?” “Oh he’s outside, you can probably save him from [daughter’s dad].” He went into the bathroom. So I poked my head out while they continued bashing me & said, “Stepson needs you.” “I’ll be right there.” I went back to the dishes. Stepson comes out of the bathroom. As always, flushes, no faucet (or hand-washing). “He says he’ll be right there sweetie.” No words, back into his bedroom. 10 minutes go by & still no husband as I continue the endless dishes. I poke my head out again. “Did you not hear me? Your son needs you.” “ALL RIGHT!”
Turns out he needed dinner. Despite a huge spread of barbecue & potatoes & corn & pasta & salad & veggies & dips, stepson touched none of it & needed his chicken & yellow rice. So husband literally cooked him dinner at 1230AM, all the while continuing to accuse me of hating him whilst doing so.
Coparent authentically apologized the next morning on the phone. “You screamed at me for HOURS when I was ready for bed to listen to falsities I have heard over & over without ONCE trying to hear me.” He got it. He humbled & admitted specific wrongs & I accepted his apology.
“Sorry” does not seem to mean anything when you throw around the “D” word like that though. Husband pledged to stop drinking. To his credit, 3 days later, he still hasn’t. But when I said, “If you think I am capable of hate, you don’t know me at all,” the best apology he could give me was, “I’m sorry, I don’t think you hate him. But I know you don’t like him.” Then, “I don’t want to divorce you. I feel like I ruined our entire lives in one night.”
I told him that this is going to take more than “sorry” to heal, especially where blame is still cast, & he will have to “show” me. I don’t even know how, through more conscientious parenting? We haven’t slept in the same bed in 3 nights. I haven’t cooked for him, but I still clean after him. We finished some homestead projects in near-silence together.
I think I must resign to being the invisible ghost stepson makes me feel like. Do I have ANY role here but to resign & accept his parenting & continue mine with my daughter alone, while he reaps the benefits of an amazing relationship with her? Isolation parenting just like with stepson’s biomom ? If not for my daughter & our animals & gardens, I would just want to lock myself in a room all day too. But that’s what is so hard for me to get. We have nearly 30 acres & this child is permitted to be a blob on a screen living on empty calories all day & night. I cannot & will not blame a child for anything. I told my husband that when a plant isn’t thriving, you nourish it & improve its environment. He said he didn’t get it. And as deeply as I love him & don’t want to even think about divorce, I have never been so unattracted to him.

Okay so my 2 year old(almost 3) male tuxedo cat Gatsby has been my best friend since we brought him home when he was about 3 weeks old. I got him when I was entering my junior year of high school and for two and a half years I had never spent more than 4 days away from him at a time. When planning for college I knew I wasn’t going to be able to bring him with me so I picked a school that was only an hour or so away so I could come and visit him in edition to my family.
When I first started coming back I noticed he was colder but I expected it to an extent, but eventually it would melt away and he’d come hop in the bed with me at night. This pattern kept up through my visits during the 1st semester and through my month long winter break.
However, when second semester rolled around things started to change, I wasn’t able to come visit as frequently and I’ve noticed that Gatsby has gotten progressively more irritable towards me. But even then he still would come and lay with me most of the time. I took a larger gap in between my last visit home and the end of my semester because I was falling behind on finals. When I came back finally, Gatsby wanted nothing to do with me at all. I thought I’d give it the weekend so he could settle and get used to my presence again but I’ve been home for almost a month now and nothing has changed. No matter how many treats I give him or attempts I make to play with or pet him he swats away my hand or aggressively attacks my feet, things that he never would have done to me before I went away.
How do I make him love me again? it’s genuinely eating away at me watching him be so extremely loving towards my mom who works from home who doesn’t even like him in the first place when it feels like I’m pouring my heart into a friendship with a cat who couldn’t care less.

This is a bit of a vent, I apologize in advance for the super long post.
So, I (28 F) have this friend (30 F) who I’ve known for over a decade. We met when we were teenagers and I would say I consider her one of my best friends. However, there’s always been this underlying feeling of competitiveness between us. I used to brush it off when we were teens and even early 20’s, but now we are about to enter our 30’s and it is still the same. However, there isn’t one giant scenario where I’ve felt comfortable enough to tell her that I feel like she’s trying to “one up” me or compare our scenarios. It’s always just little comments, some backhanded, some just kind of odd. If I’m sad about a situation, she will comfort me for a second but then go into a long spiel about how she’s had it so much worse and handled it better. Whatever I’m going through or have been through, she’s had it worse, every single time. Even when our situations don’t even really seem related, she finds a way to make it about herself. I feel mean for thinking this way but I do feel like it’s the truth. Whenever I’m doing well or am proud of an accomplishment, she never really acknowledges it or says anything about it. I am aware that I sometimes rely on external validation a bit so sometimes I wonder if I am expecting too much from her. But sometimes I feel like I am always trying to cheer her on and highlight her hard work etc, and don’t feel this reciprocated. I also feel like our daily lives are compared a lot, and my work or day to day routines are “undermined” in comparison to hers (example: I’m in graduate school and will say something like “oh I’m sorry I haven’t replied for a little bit I’ve been really busy with work and school”, and she will just reply with a long paragraph about everything she’s done this week and how hard she’s been working, how busy she’s been, how early she had to get up, etc.)
TW: SA below • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • A few years ago, I was SA. I didn’t tell her because in that moment, I felt that if I did, she would just talk about herself, and that’s not what I needed at the time. I saw her about a year after it happened and ended up having a panic attack and then briefly telling her. I didn’t give any details, just said I was SA last year. Several months later we briefly talked about it (I never actually told her what happened and I don’t think I will) she said she was hurt that I didn’t come to her because she wants to be there for me, but that it was okay. Then she goes on to say how my situation isn’t even that bad though because she’s been SA multiple times, and that she was surprised that this was the first time this has happened to me because of how many women this happens to (it wasn’t, I was also SA as a child and she knew that) and made some weird comments about how now I’ve joined the club and can empathize with her better and become more resilient. I kind of interrupted and said this wasn’t the first time, but then I kind of dissociated and it confirmed exactly why I never went to her for comfort in the first place. I felt extremely dismissed and unheard.
I do recognize that she has low self esteem but portrays herself as if she doesn’t, and has some trauma to work through. But that is up to her to decide and not something I would really say because telling someone they have low self esteem that they should work through would be rude. But I do think a lot of her comments stem from low self esteem. I also do believe she has the best intentions but just doesn’t always come across that way. I do genuinely think that she wants to help when I need it and just be a good friend in general, which is why I have always talked myself out of saying anything to her. I know she loves me and values me as a best friend too. I feel guilty that I’ve had these feelings bottled in and have never went to her about it. Even reading this back I feel like I sound so rude about someone who is supposed to be my best friend. I hate confrontation so I’ve always brushed it aside and convinced myself that I’m just taking things the wrong way. I’m not sure if it’s fair to go to her with examples, or if I should just wait until an opportunity comes up where I can address it in the moment. Or, if I am just reading into things too much and maybe I’m the one who wants conversations to be about me?? Am I expecting too much validation?
So basically, would I be the asshole if I told her I feel like there’s an underlying competitiveness between us, and then give her some examples of why?
TL;DR: My best friend compares all of our situations which often hurts my feelings, and I’m not sure if I should talk to her about how I’m feeling. I feel like sometimes maybe I am the one being selfish.

Bart to Eric-Bart, you're home earl so are you. Chuck said he thought you were going out with jonathan tonight…
What do you know about someone at your school named ben shurn? Um, he's the, uh, The--the captain of jonathan's swim team. Why? Just Maybe you might want to ask jonathan What he was doing monday night. Eric to Chuck -You're home. Chuck-My plans for the evening got held up at customs. Your dad just insinuated That jonathan might be dating someone else. How and why would he know that? He has a p. I. On retainer, like I do. Eric-I get that for business, But for family and friends of family, it's just creepy. Chuck- Not to worry. Bart's people are top-notch and very discreet. At our old place, he had this safe with files on everybody, From staff to senators. When I was 13, I found the most amazing surveillance photos Of gina, my hot italian au pair. Those photos--and gina-- changed my life. (HE WAS 13 YEARS OLD) HE IS SICK!!! …later you will find out BART KNEW all along!.. enter Elle/Halley and Roving lock box key brothel! Au’Pair by day and ??? by night. Diana/India -figure or face of same Roving Brothel! Chuck was too young to pin point it but he did recognize her. Imagine their night job and then taking care of sweet little babies.. HE WAS SICK!

Let me give some backstory because there were 3 main “events” that led me to eventually ghosting this person. (Please forgive me, this may end up a little lengthy. Also, this wasn’t written as well as the first draft but that one got deleted)
Event #1: In high school, there were 4 of us that were really close. We will call them each, Diana, Julia, and Jack. Julia worshiped Diana. Diana could do no wrong in Julia’s eyes. Diana and Jack were a couple. They dated the majority of high school. All the way up to the summer before our senior year. Obviously, it was hard on the couple, but it was also difficult for ALL of their friends because we were expected to pick a side. Julia took Diana’s side, no questions and no doubts. It felt like I was the only one that wanted to remain neutral because I considered both Diana and Jack really good friends. Not just the typical, Jack was a friend because he was Diana’s boyfriend. Anyways, trying to remain neutral I gave support to both of them, the best I could. Jack confided in me that the reason he broke off the relationship was he had become overwhelmed by the drama Diana created. This made sense to me because Diana CRAVED drama. She created drama All. The. Time. (Looking back, I have no idea how I was friends with either of them. These friendships were just those friendships that some how… became and existed) The break up launched a series of dramatic situations created by Diana that escalated. These situations ended with Diana sleeping with a random guy from our school, 2 maybe 3 weeks after breaking up, and she ended up pregnant. The school year started up and as more kids found out about her pregnancy, the more rumors started going around. The biggest one – Jack was the father. Pregnant teens were absolutely not common in my high school. And Jack was being blamed for the situation Diana was in. Feeling empathy for my friend, I continued to be Jacks friend because most of his other friends were isolating him and giving him the cold shoulder. (To make it completely clear – Jack and I only felt friendship for each other, nothing more.) Julia hated that I was continuing to be Jacks friend. Julia accused me of betraying Diana and yelling at me for even talking to him - Jack: the one that got Diana pregnant. Julia said that she knew I couldn’t be trusted and was a horrible friend. The kicker? Julia and I knew who got Diana pregnant. Diana told us. Julia fed the rumors about Jack being the father, even though she knew the truth! For the sake of keeping the peace and adhering to the “Girl Code” I had to let the friendship with Jack dwindle to an occasional friendly wave in the hallway. A rift between Diana & Julia and myself grew regardless. The way they treated me began to change – talking down to me and keeping me out of conversations. I can guarantee they had conversations behind my back (as teenage girls do.) I can also guarantee Julia was the mastermind because Diana was too busy with the drama/attention of her pregnancy to notice anything or anyone else. I was already dealing with things at home and on top of it, had to maneuver the drama with my so called best friends. Julia doing this hurt so much because friends don’t do that. On top of it, I had a similar situation happen in middle school with a previous group of friends.
Event #2: (my main reason I don’t consider them a friend) Through Jr and Sr High school I had a crush mostly on one guy. There were other little crushes, but he was always the main one. We will call him Mark. Mark and I were actually really good friends. He was in a different friend group than Diana, Jack, and Julia. He and his friend welcomed me into their group when the drama was happening our senior year. Mark actually knew I had a crush on him. He was as kind as possible when he turned me down. Mark said he was committed to his own crush (who turned him down, saying she didn’t want to date in high school) Mark believed she was “the one” and was trying to not date anyone else as a sign of loyalty to her. Realizing Mark wasn’t going to change his mind, I had a hard time pretending and convincing myself I shouldn’t and didn’t have a crush on him. Doing so actually opened a door for Mark and I to become even closer friends. I hung out with him and his two guy friends a lot. Especially after we graduated high school. In fact, the majority of that calendar year, I basically didn’t spend any time with Diana and Julia. At the end of that year, the holiday season, all of the sudden Mark wasn’t hanging out with us as much. Our two friends told me he had a girlfriend. I assumed it was the girl he had a crush on. Especially because our friends said things like “he is picking up his girlfriend from the high school.” (his crush was the year behind us) a few weeks went by and it was almost Christmas. One of my friends was throwing a Christmas party, a bunch of us were invited. While I was hanging out in the front room with others, Mark came in through the front door, his girlfriend behind him. I couldn’t help but look in disbelief. His girlfriend wasn’t his crush, but was none other than Julia. Julia was also in the year behind us and was still going to school. Julia noticed me looking and as Mark turned away from her, she grabbed him, turned him back toward her and kissed him. I was already trying to tell myself it wasn’t a big deal. But then Julia, mid-kiss, looked straight at me. The kiss wasn’t very long but still. Some of you may argue that she was “concerned” about my reaction. But it was her grin and wave afterwards that told me Julia was gloating. Gloating that she was now dating the guy I had a crush on for years. And despite trying to deny it, I still had a crush on him. I left that friend group as well because I knew Julia was going to be there more often, which would inevitably ruin that group for me as well. I didn’t want to deal with the drama and hurt so I cut my losses.
Event #3: (the reminder event) A couple years later, Diana and Julia were married with kids. They had moved out of town, Julia even moved out of state. I got a message from Julia, sent to both Diana and I, asking if we would like to meet for lunch the next week because she (Julia) was coming into town to see family. As best as I could tell, Diana and Julia went their separate ways after we all graduated high school. For the sake of the friendship we once had, I agreed to meet. The day came, we get our food and sit down. They immediately start talking about their husbands and kids. Which is totally understandable, we were there to catch up. Thing is, I was still single – no kids, no husband. So I couldn’t add much to the conversation to relate and there wasn’t much of an opportunity to even ask questions. I finished my lunch while listening to them talk. At this point, 30-45 minutes went by and no one asked me how my life was going beyond the initial “How are you?!” when we first met up and got in line to order our food. Feeling very much like a third wheel, I wanted a chance to talk with my old friends. Finding an opportunity to organically get involved, I did so. I don’t remember what the conversation was about but I do remember I added to the conversation by saying something as simple as “Have you seen that movie yet?” Julia looked me dead in the eyes, said something specifically in response to my question and added “You aren’t even married or have a kid yet, you wouldn’t understand.” Diana laughed a little and added, “Not yet” They then continued to talk about their kids till it was decided we had been there long enough (a total of nearly 2 hrs) Today, I am married and have a kid of my own. I could talk about my kid all day long. But I don’t, because I considered it a basic social skill to be able to talk about other things. Especially to keep others involved in conversation. After this last situation, I was reminded of the way she treated me. So, I committed to keeping both, specifically Julia at a distance. At first Julia would try to convince me to visit her where she lived. Even after getting married. It eventually dwindled down to maybe 1 or 2 messages from her a year. Through all this time I give very minimal responses if Julia Facebook messages me.
I never confronted either of them about everything because I knew it would cause more drama that wasn’t worth dealing with.
So AITA?
Some of you may be looking for the petty. Well, to keep it short, Mark and I started dating 5 years after graduating high school. We have been together for 9 ½ years, married 7 ½ years, and have a beautiful 3yr old girl.
If you guys want an update on his experience dating Julia (he says it was the worse relationship he had) and how Mark and I ended up together, lmk!

Excuse if this is a little messy. I hardly use reddit, and this entire situation is stressing me out to the point of shakiness and illness. On that not, onto the story.
So, for a bit of context, I am a very, very new adult. I just graduated high school, and I've never had the best relationship with my family besides my mom and brother. I was still very distant from my mom because of some slight neglect in the past. I don't blame her for it because she's a single mom and was working a very hard job.
Extra context, my mom had also been planning a California trip. She had changed the plans every other day. Me and my fiance couldn't keep up with it, especially because he had a work venture there.
The past few months, I had been going out with my boyfriend, now fiance ( we'll call Ax ). My mom had been pretty hard on me because of this. Saying how, "I'm not home enough," and, "I need to help with (this this and this)." So, I was already getting a little fed up. I just wanted an escape from the house which is honestly not a very healthy living space due to my fairly slobbish family. Everytime I would go home she would bombard me with stuff, which I never had to do before, so it made me want out more.
I'm just going to summarize the build up by saying, there were quite a few arguments and she never seemed to listen to me. I also have a super hard time communicating my feelings and confrontation so participating in an argument is a big deal.
Now we get to the big night. The last thing we "talked" about was the California trip and how Ax's parents won't let him go if we stay at her friend's house. She got upset and stormed off. Me and Ax were upset so we went to his birth mom's ( we'll call her Cat ) house to take a break. It didn't really help. I had gotten fed up with all of the arguing and bitterness from my mom. All of the snide comments to Ax. I texted her that I was moving out and wasn't going on the California trip. ( I was moving into Cat's house. )
Now should I have texted her? Probably not, but texting helps me form my thoughts into words. I express more clearly through text, and shut down on the phone and especially in person.
She calls and I freak out and hand the phone to Ax. Mistake number 2. A bit about Ax, he is very very protective of me, especially with some of the stuff I've told him about my family and my dad. He doesn't want me to go through the same thing again. He's also a big jokester but is autistic so he doesn't really get when not to do some of his joking tones and words. They also come off as very disrespectful sometimes and he was kind of tired of her. So my mom is angry.
She tells me to come home within 5 minutes. I very shaky get in the car and we head there. We get there and she takes the keys to the car and my phone. Tells me to come inside and talk alone. Now, I get where she's coming from, but I HATE feeling cornered. I need someone else there by my side or I just shut down. It socks and makes things a lot harder with this kind of stuff. Now the rest is a but of a blur but she gets aggressive. No physical violence, but she does get in my face. I back up and she starts acussing me of telling people I'm violent though I haven't. It blurs again and suddenly I'm packing my things and leaving. My brother (15) by my side sad to see me leave this way.
The night goes by and I hear nothing from her. The next day she texts. I don't remember many of the texts, but I do remember being stressed out and not replying to things often. I tell her I need some time.
Few days go by with few texts I answer and a couple calls I don't. Then we get to church just a few days after the big night and an argument over text starts. She acusses Ax of lying, stealing, and vandalizing her car. The "lying" was a joke he made about his origins that I took seriously at first, I am a very slow person, that he had not realized I took seriously until very very later on. On the stealing, he had not stolen from some of the places acussed, but we did have a separate incident that was true. However, he's done his best to make it up and has not done anything like it since. He got punished by me and his parents. She still thinks he should've gotten worse. He's especially tried to make it up to my mom because he had lost her full trust and she was very obvious about it and still hasn't forgiven him to this day. The vandalizing was him working on the car, but not fixing it fully, because, we'll, she took the car before he could.
I talked about getting my legal documents, the entire point I was texting her in the first place, she brought up Ax herself. I misunderstood her and thought she was wanting to keep them from me so threatened legal action. I won't go deep into this because I'm not a lawyer, but ultimately it was more a threat to get my stuff. She said that I could get my stuff from the garage. Remember when I told you that my family was slobish? Yeah, I have no clue where these documents are and the garage is stacked to the sealing so it's going to take me a bit. I don't want to, but it's the only way to get my documents.
I completely give up at this point. I already said I needed a bit of time, but she continued to text. When I didn't answer email me a mental health line. The only times I would talk to her was to get my stuff. She started making facebook posts warning about toxic relationships, and how losing loved ones without making peace is terrible. This continues for a bit then stopped a couple days ago. The last thing I got, just a few hours ago, was an email. I will be quoting it word for word but changing names blah blah, you know how privacy works.
"Hi, [deadname]! I hope everything is going well for you.
I just wanted to take some time to explain some things. I wanted to tell you these things in person because it really does matter. Reading something is far different from hearing how someone says it. Arguments and misunderstandings should always be fixed in person.
First and foremost, I love you. I would do anything within my power for you. I have always been there for you and I want to continue being there. It breaks my heart that you don't want anything to do with me. I've tried to make you feel loved and supported. I've been active in your interests and activities. I even played Minecraft for you... (Haha)
I wanted to talk to you privately because we will never be able to fix things between us if someone else is involved. And honestly, it's no one else's business. I've never physically or intentionally hurt you so there is no reason to be scared to spend time with me.
What I have tried to tell you through text, is that I did not blow up because you wanted to move out. My response was that we would talk when you got home. That was not blowing up and this is why it is important to communicate in person rather than via text. I wanted to know your plans and see if I could help or add some suggestions that might help. I blew up because of the disrespect. I was being treated like I was nothing and like I've done nothing for you. I tried to explain that I wasn't mad about you wanting to move out. I'm not sure why you thought I would be since we've been talking about it for 6 months.
I apologize to you for how I handled my thoughts and feelings about [Ax]. It shouldn't have been handled that way. I'm not mad that either of you made mistakes. I was mad at the lack of taking ownership of said mistakes. I was mad that I was lied to again when I called out those mistakes.
I just want us to work through this. I love you. I will always love you. I want to help you if and when I can. I always want to be a part of your life. I am hurt that you can so easily throw away our relationship because of one argument. I am hurt that you're acting like I've done something for you to be afraid of me.
My door is always open and I'm always just a phone call away.
Love, Mom"
It makes me feel like I'm in the wrong and I'm actually unsure if I'm being to harsh on her. AITH?
TLDR; I move in with my fiancé. Arguments with mom as she acusses us of things we didn't do besides one thing. Im tired and stressed so go almost no contact. I get an email from her making me rethink my position on the matter.
Edit 1 and 2: Updates to layout of the post.

Repost from the grad admission,
Exactly what the title says. I finished my undergraduate degree in December with a BS in Natural Resources, concentrating in wildlife. I'm taking a gap year before returning next year, but I'm hesitant about applying for a master's program. My GPA is 2.9, which isn't the ideal 3.0. However, I have been successful in research, participating in summer research experiences for three consecutive summers (a field technician job and two REUs).
Academics have been challenging for me due to my learning disability and mental health issues, which I only received help for in my final semester, too late to significantly improve my GPA. If I had known about accommodations earlier, I believe I would have performed better. I entered my bachelor's program with an associate's degree straight out of high school, which felt rushed because my initial scholarship covered only two years. Fortunately, I received additional financial aid.
As a first-generation Latina interested and passionate in the field of wildlife, wanting to pursue a master's degree feels daunting and isolating. Ultimately, I aim to earn a PhD, but I want to start with a master's degree. Although I don't have any publications yet, I am working on one from a completed research project with my PI. I have presented my work at national conferences and symposiums and have conducted extensive undergraduate research.
I am passionate about wildlife biology, marine biology, and ecology, specifically in conservation and management. However, I don't have the funds for a master's program and am unsure where to apply or seek guidance. Any advice on schools or faculty who could guide me in this field would be greatly appreciated. Any insight of my situation too would be great. I want to know as I’m taking this gap year, how should I make a use of my time as I await hearing back from technician jobs and ultimately wait for a rejection since that’s how it’s been. However, thanks!

Here is the league file. It features all 20 current CBA teams as of 2024. Proper logos and names (minus corporate sponsorship). Vast majority of players are Chinese with a sprinkling around of USA and other nationalities. The actual players are fake, just whatever BBGM generates at league startup. Accurate city populations and arena sizes (most city pops are huge with comparatively small arenas outside of some exceptions. I didn't test this much for its effect on balance, I just wanted to reflect the IRL numbers)
The league does its best to approximate the 2024 CBA schedule. 54 games. In real life a CBA team plays every other team twice , home/away (19x2), then they play opponents based on a strength of schedule pod that changes each year based on previous year's finish in a home/away, and then they have a couple of local rivals that play an extra pair or two. I can't mirror this in BBGM so I created 4 divisions each with five teams. I tried to sit them geographically as best I could. You play the other four teams in your division six times each (24) and then you play every other team in the league twice (15x2) to get 54 games. There is no conference divide, 12 of the 20 teams make the playoffs. Four get first round byes. 7,7,7,7 format.
Starting in 2016 the CBA began a draft. So I added a bunch of Chinese colleges from the China University Basketball Association (the Chinese equivalent of NCAA Basketball). I didn't weight them since I'm not familiar enough with which schools are traditionally good but I do know that at this point most/a lot of Chinese players are entering the CBA via college basketball just like how it works in the US. So there's a bunch of schools and all of them have an equal shot for any given player to come from them. You may wanna play with the weighting to get better distributions but I wasn't sure how to mess with it.
I added the 2024 CBA cap rules as best I could too. I used a lower max salary because if I don't then too many good players end up unsignable in FA. So the cap should work, I tested a bunch of years and it seems too. Salary cap of 7.2m and a max player salary of 1m with a minimum player salary of $250k. No salary floor. The CBA does have a pseudo-soft cap but it's much stricter than BBGM allows so I just set it to be a hard cap.
Lastly I lowered pace because the CBA is a bit of a slower game. So scores should come in around the lower 100s normally and stats should be a little more topheavy.

Exactly what the title says. I finished my undergraduate degree in December with a BS in Natural Resources, concentrating in wildlife. I'm taking a gap year before returning next year, but I'm hesitant about applying for a master's program. My GPA is 2.9, which isn't the ideal 3.0. However, I have been successful in research, participating in summer research experiences for three consecutive summers (a field technician job and two REUs).
Academics have been challenging for me due to my learning disability and mental health issues, which I only received help for in my final semester, too late to significantly improve my GPA. If I had known about accommodations earlier, I believe I would have performed better. I entered my bachelor's program with an associate's degree straight out of high school, which felt rushed because my initial scholarship covered only two years. Fortunately, I received additional financial aid.
As a first-generation Latina interested and passionate in the field of wildlife, wanting to pursue a master's degree feels daunting and isolating. Ultimately, I aim to earn a PhD, but I want to start with a master's degree. Although I don't have any publications yet, I am working on one from a completed research project with my PI. I have presented my work at national conferences and symposiums and have conducted extensive undergraduate research.
I am passionate about wildlife biology, marine biology, and ecology, specifically in conservation and management. However, I don't have the funds for a master's program and am unsure where to apply or seek guidance. Any advice on schools or faculty who could guide me in this field would be greatly appreciated. Any insight of my situation too would be great. I want to know as I’m taking this gap year, how should I make a use of my time as I await hearing back from technician jobs and ultimately wait for a rejection since that’s how it’s been. However, thanks!

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Demographics

• Gender: Female
• Race/Ethnicity: Mixed (Asian, White, Black)
• Residence: Virginia
• Income Bracket: <$70,000 (Negative SAI)
• Type of School: Public
• Hooks (Recruited Athlete, URM, First-Gen, Geographic, Legacy, etc.): URM

Intended Major(s): Creative Technologies (Animation)
Academics

• GPA (UW/W): 4.0 / 4.1952
• Rank (or percentile): 6/378 (Not submitted)
• # of Honors/AP/IB/Dual Enrollment/etc.: 2 Honors (only 2 offered), 7 AP (Human Geo, Lang, Stats, US History, Chem, Gov, and Art), 1 Dual Enrollment (English 111 and 112)
• Senior Year Course Load: AP Chem, AP Gov, Dual Enrollment English, AP Art, Japanese 1, Digital Art

Standardized Testing

• SAT I: 1200 (620 RW, 580 M)
• ACT: N/A
• SAT II: 1300 (630 RW, 670 M)
• AP/IB: Human Geo (5), Stats (4), US History (3), English Lang (2)
• Other (ex. IELTS, TOEFL, etc.): N/A

Extracurriculars/Activities

1. Community Service: Volunteer, Society of St. Vincent de Paul (10th, 11th, 12th; Year-long; 2 hours/week, 24 weeks/year) I packed bags for my church's food pantry a couple times a month.
2. Work (Paid): Part-Time Health and Beauty Clerk, Harris Teeter (12th; Year-long; 21 hours/week, 40 weeks/year) I worked a couple days a week during the summer and weekends during school year.
3. Academic: Active Member, National Honor Society, Leadership: Oversaw Fundraising Event (11th, 12th; School-year; 3 hours/week, 15 weeks/year) I attended monthly meetings and joined fundraising, peer tutoring, and teachestaff appreciation committees.
4. Work (Paid): Part-Time Frozen and Dairy Clerk, Harris Teeter (11th; Break; 18 hours/week, 12 weeks/year)
5. Art: Student, Pre-College Summer Course, The Art Institutes (12th; Break; 20 hours/week, 2 weeks/year) I took an 2-week online animation class where I learned animation principles and used Adobe Photoshop and Animate to create a 2D animated short film.
6. Religious: Eucharistic Minister, Church (11th, 12th; Year-long; 1houweek, 15 weeks/year) I volunteer for my church by serving communion during mass at least once a month
7. Athletics: Club Volleyball, Member of Youth HS Competitive Team, Achievement: Won a League Championship (10th; School-year; 6 hours/week, 25 weeks/year) I attended practices twice a week and played two games every weekend.
8. Other Club/Activity: Member, Film Club (9th, 10th; School-year; 2 hours/week, 20 weeks/year) I went to weekly meetings to discuss filmmaking and made individual short films outside of meetings to present weekly.
9. Community Service: VolunteeLeader, Vacation Bible School, Church, Leadership: Managed Arts & Crafts Station (12th; Break; 12 hours/week, 1 week/year) I helped set up and clean crafts station. I managed younger children and helped them when needed.
10. N/A

Awards/Honors

1. QuestBridge National College Match Finalist (National; 12th)
2. National African American Recognition Award (National; 12th)
3. Principal's List (School; 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th)
4. AP Scholar Award (National; 12th)
5. Student of the Year (School; 9th, 10th, 11th)

Letters of Recommendation

• Guidance Counselor (?/10): I didn't meet with him a lot so he doesn't know me too well, but it seemed like I stood out to him because of how well I always do. I never saw his LOR, so idk how good it was, but I'm sure it was good.
• AP Statistics Teacher (10/10): junior year teacher; I always had an A in his class but didn't talk much. He was kinda awkward so I avoided talking to him lol, but his LOR was actually really good. He said that he wanted his daughter to grow up to be like me!
• AP US History Teacher (8/10): junior year teacher; I always had an A in his class but never talked either. His LOR wasn't bad but he basically rewrote the resume I sent him
• Art Teacher (9/10): teacher during sophomore and senior years; she chose to enter one of my pieces in a local art show and I won an award. She kinda overhyped me but it was good nonetheless.

Interviews
N/A
Essays
I think I spent about a month on my essay, but I can't remember. I felt like my essay was pretty good, but I thought it might be controversial depending on the reader so I was a little nervous. I'm not that good of a writer, but I think the content made up for it. I basically talked about my experience growing up mixed race and how I won't let race define me. I thought it might be problematic because I said a black girl was being racist to me by mentioning how a black girl once told me I only got straight A's because I was "white" and that I realized that some people use race as an excuse for their failures. I said that I thought it was sad she was raised to think that way and ended by saying I wouldn't let my race dictate what I should like or how I should behave and that I would decide for myself rather than following others.
Decisions (indicate ED/EA/REA/SCEA/RD)
Acceptances:

• Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University (Virginia Tech)!!! (EA) - Presidential Scholarship Initiative Recipient (approx. $17,000 per year to cover rest of tuition and room and board)
• Virginia Commonwealth University (EA) - Virginia Merit Award Recipient ($4,000 per year)
• Longwood University (EA) - Presidential Scholarship Recipient ($8,000 per year)

Waitlists:

• N/A

Rejections:

• University of Southern California (ED through QuestBridge)

Additional Information:
Let me just start by saying that I'm extremely grateful for how things have worked out for me. I feel so lucky and fortunate to be in the situation I am. I know I had my GPA and low income going for me, but I got so much more than I ever expected and I still can't believe this is actually happening!! QuestBridge didn't work out, but I still ended up getting what I was looking for: a way to go to college without taking out loans.
So to explain me being able to "go to Virginia Tech for Free," I have multiple sources that are paying for my first year; I didn't just get a full ride from VT (although it basically is when combined with everything else). I got about $15,500 in govt. grants, the scholarship from VT to cover the rest of tuition and room and board which is about $17,000 this year, and $12,000 in outside scholarships. And that's way over the COA, so I don't have to worry about paying anything!! Now I can follow my dreams of being an animator at my dream school without worrying about how to pay for it!!!

i'm working on a novel and would like to know if anyone could tell me any improvements i could make to the first chapter and prologue
Prologue
The day had started the same way it had for the past two years. The only difference was that I was going home. The hallway was crowded with people walking to and from their classes. Everyone was crowded next to each other so the halls were making the area feel claustrophobic. All the people talking mixed with the summer heat made me feel like I was locked in a sauna. I walked with Preston to the last class we would ever have together and as usual he was smiling. I never got why he always smiled even in situations where people should be sad he still smiled. He knew what today meant for me and he tried to keep light of the situation. I kept my head down away from what was ahead of me. My mind was too clouded about returning to see my family to notice anything in front of me. I walked into another student. It felt like I had walked into a wall. I knew immediately I had walked into tree. I stumble onto the ground and the commotion around me slows down to make room for us. He turned his bulky body around and apologized profusely without saying a word even though I had walked into him. He helped me off of the ground before hurrying down the hall.
“Alexandria, are you doing okay?” Preston said he had tilted his body downward so I had to look down to look him in his eyes. The way he was standing made him look like an idiot but he didn't seem to care. The way he acted made me laugh, which caused his smile to widen.
“I'm doing fine, just got lost in my head.”
“Thinking about how you’ll leave soon,” he said
“Was it that obvious?” He was the only person I told about me being an exchange student. I came to spend high school in Newkinawa and he was the only person I ever hung out with.
“I see what you mean,” he said “Newkinawa is a beautiful place with beautiful people to live in it…myself included”
“You wish,” I say with a smile we continue walking through the hallway “I'm just not excited to go back yet”
After I say that his smile grows wider “So you will miss me after all”
“I wouldn't say that much” I responded whilst smiling.
We had made it to our last class only to see it closed with a sign labeled “Uma incident” Uma was a student known for messing with the chemistry lab and destroying school property in the process. I've never actually met her but Preston says “She's a little weird but still nice”
“Guess class is canceled for today,” Preston remarked with a smile “Wanna go out to the court till the bell rings.”
“Sure let's go” I respond
The place we ate every day was outside. It used to be a tennis court before I moved in. Now they put trees and flowers all over the place. Preston really liked the blue color of the flowers but it just never clicked for me. I look over at Preston and he's staring up at the sky. There are a number of clouds in almost enough to block the sun but it still pokes its rays through and lands on Preston's face. The clouds swim in front of the sun till they block out the sun's light. Preston faces towards me.
“I'm gonna miss you Alexandria” he says
“You know you can just call me Alex,” I replied. I start to smile again. “I'll miss you too!" He smiles toward me again as we get up to leave as the clouds start to clump together and rain slowly falls. As we're walking back to the school there's a loud tearing sound followed by screams as the ground shakes.
The ground tears itself apart as the dirt and stone erupt from the ground. The sky blackens and a pale blue light escapes the earth. Then creatures erupt from the ground in a violent ejection from the earth creating a white pillar diffusing as they reach higher in the air. Some are clawing their way out of the cracks like maggots out of a corpse. People are swept into the updraft screaming for their lives.
The creatures descend like a tidal wave and tear apart any people caught in their path. They storm out of the crack in hundreds as more cracks in the earth form. Me and Preston started running away as people were screaming behind us. A girl running next to us has her legs slashed by a creature. The monster begins to tear open her chest as she chokes on her own blood. The monster shovels her lungs and innards into its decrepit mouth. Me and Preston keep running until we're met at the entrance of the school and we catch the attention of a monster as it begins to savagely rush toward us. The monster resembles ghosts my father told me about. But this one looks monstrously horrific. It floats in the air and opens its mouth so wide it nearly replaces its entire torso; its jaws hold savage teeth each the same old gray color of its body. Its eyes glow a rotten yellow color through the dark. It stretches out its arms showing its giant hands and claws like fingers. It swipes at us leaving a giant claw mark on the door behind us but Preston ducks my body down to avoid the attack. We run around it as the monster swaps its focus to another bystander. Screaming past us. Me and Preston run into the parking lot as people scream around us. We hide next to a car.
“What the hell is happening!?” I yell to Preston. More of the creatures fly over us and swoop down to people like vultures on roadkill devouring the fleeing people.
Preston starts to breathe heavily ”we need to get out of here and someplace safer”. As we were talking one of the monster phases through the car we were hiding next to forcing us to run into the street.
“Lets go to your house till things cool down” i say to Preston through panted breaths
“Wait couldn't we head to your house instead” Preston says.
“Why would that matter your house is closer anyways” i respond
“But-” Preston is interrupted by two creatures swooping above us to grab another person. The two monsters begin to pull the person apart while he writhes in pain before having his flesh be torn in half and having his organs be devoured.
“Come on lets go!!” I say as I grab his hand and run even faster.
By the time we reach Preston's house any living person is gone. On the street are just corpses laying torn and mutilated on the roads and sidewalk. The air in the neighborhood feels cold despite the season being summer. When I walk down the street I can still hear the occasional horrific wail the monsters give off. We move closer to Preston's house and I can see him sweating. He looked more worried than before when the creatures were chasing us and he kept darting his eyes away from his home.
“Preston, are you feeling okay?” he doesn't respond to my question and keeps darting his eyes. He walks slowly behind me and as I reach for the door handle and when I touch it it feels nearly freezing. I wrap my hoodie around my hand and slowly open the door. The house is quiet so me and Preston creep further into his house. The inside is cold and damp as if we were locked in a freezer. The further we move into the house the louder a subtle chewing sound is heard.
“It sounds like rats are eating a dead cow over there” I whisper. Preston continues to stay silent behind me. We slowly walk closer towards the kitchen and the sound gets louder and louder and louder until we reach the room.
We're met with a rancid smell of vomit and blood. My blood starts to run cold and every instinct in my body is telling me to run. I can feel Preston breathing get heavier as we get closer. We turn the corner and see Preston's mom lying on the ground dead with one of the creatures hunched over slurping her intestines. The sight causes me to vomit alerting the monster to our presence. The creature turns around and its mouth turns into a mortifying grin as it flies into Preston's moms body. The corpse begins to rise and spur splashing blood over the kitchen. When the corpse stops spasming it picks itself up from the ground and with glazed over eyes it holds its intestines in its hand and gives us the same grin it did when it was outside her body. The possessed corpse lunges at me and starts to chase me around the kitchen. The body is running into the walls and cabinets spraying its blood and other loose organs around the area as I'm avoiding its assault. The corpse leans over and ejects one of its loose intestines towards me, wrapping me in it. It pulls me towards it so fast I'm flung towards the ground. The corpse limbers over to me and raises its free hand aiming for my head. The creature's deranged smile causes the corpse’s cheeks to tear apart. It places both of its bloodied and demented hands on my face and starts to press my skull into the ground. I struggle to breathe. The room starts to get dark and blood escapes my head.
Until Preston jumps on top of his mothers corpse with a kitchen knife and repeatedly stabs it in the head. The possessed body tries to shake him off but he keeps stabbing, blood gets in on his face and tears start to escape his eyes. The creature violently ejects from the corpse's mouth causing her head to nearly explode and Preston stops stabbing the body. The body falls over in a splash of blood and organs. The monster leaves phasing through the roof leaving Preston crying over his mother's body. As the blood mixes with the tears he collapses to his knees crying. I walk over and hug him as the air around us turns bitter and the chill of death leaves the room and us with it.
Chapter 1 Eclipse
It's been 2 months since the apocalypse started. We've kept ourselves alive by looting grocery stores and houses, we hide from the creatures as we have no way to fight back against them. Preston came up with the idea to call them glanter’s. He’s looking better since we left his family home but I can tell something is wrong with him that he's not telling me. Everytime I ask him about it he tells me it's no big deal. I asked him earlier today and he just told me
“don't worry about it, I'm over it” without even looking at me. Now we're walking through the street and I'm walking behind Preston, I can barely see his head past the giant bag we're both carrying on our backs we use to carry supplies. I look up at the sky and it's still pitch black except for the moon giving us any amount of light. Preston turns around to face me.
“Let's check out that house, it might have some cool stuff in it” he points to a white house to our right. The house is a two story building with steps leading to the front door. There's a generator poking out from the backyard. The driveway is empty save for a couple of dried blood stains and tire marks. It's similar to the other houses in the neighborhood except for a couple broken windows.
“Sure why not” We head over to the house and I see something shining on the side of the house in the corner of my eye. I turn my head to look at it closer but it quickly disappears before I can see it clearly.
“Probably squirrel or something” I mumble to myself. Preston walks up the stairs to the house and I walk up the steps behind him as a breeze blows past my face. Preston tries to turn the door knob but the door is locked. I start to pull out a lockpick I grabbed at the store earlier. I motion towards Preston to move out of the way as I kneel down to pick the lock. It takes me a couple of minutes to unlock the door so I walk inside the house and Preston follows behind me while closing and locking the door. The doorway of the house leads to a dark room so I take a flashlight out of my bag to illuminate the area. Were put into the living room and bookshelves are on the walls and a large TV sat in front of a large black couch with smaller chairs surrounding it. Dust is covering every surface of the room and spiderwebs litter the corners of the walls. The area smells like moth balls and there's a lack of blood anywhere nearby.
“Guess the owners got out before the Glanter’s got in, '' I say to Preston. When he doesn't respond I turn around and he's already looking further into the house. When I find him he's managed to find a flight of stairs that lead to a lower portion of the house.
“I'll check on him later,” I think to myself as I headed towards the kitchen to see if we could restock on food. I walk past a bedroom and remark on how childish it looked. The walls were painted with blue and green stripes and a bunk bed sat on the right wall. There's a chest at the foot of the bed so I walk over and lift the top off of it. The box is layered with children's toys, a multitude of dolls, bears, and figures all jut out of the box. I notice a small robot toy and inspect it in my hands.
The cold metal makes my hand shiver and the sharp body shape makes the robot bigger than my hand. There's red lining around the robot's buttons surrounded by the cold gray of the robot's “skin”. It reminds me of a toy my little brother had. My heart feels heavy as I worry about what happened to my family. If they're alive, dead, or worse…possessed. The thoughts send a chill down my spine but I push them aside for now. I put the toy in my bag and exit the bedroom.
I can see the kitchen is down the hallway so I walk down the hall and enter. The kitchen is pretty clean except for a couple of dishes in the sink and the dust. There's a table seated for 3 people in the center of the room. I start opening the cabinets in search for any food or water. There's boxes of cereal leftover on top of shelves and a mix of chip bags and cookies in neat boxes stationed in the cabinets.
“Score,” I say to myself as I begin to put the snacks into my bag. When the cabinets are empty I look inside the fridge. The inside of the fridge ran out of power so most of the food inside is rotted. There are a couple of bottles of water in the front so I shove those in my bag. There's also a bag of oranges that still seem to be healthy in the back. I grab them and toss them on the table. There's rotten sandwich meat hidden in the drawer of the fridge.it smells like a dumpster outside of a butcher shop. I wrinkle my nose at the smell. I look around the kitchen for any bread with no luck.
I continue to look through the fridge until I hear Preston scream from another room. Immediately I bolt out of the kitchen leaving my bag behind and run towards the lower part of the house. I run down the stairs and nearly trip on the steps. The stairs lead to a big room. There are posters to tv shows and movies I don't recognize. The walls are painted black and there's a bear skin rug on the floor. I notice Preston standing next to a really big TV hyperventilating. I walk over to him and ask him.
“Are you ok? What happened?”
He talks through deep breaths “I… saw a… spider.”
“What?!” I respond in confusion.
“It was really big and I had jumped at my face”
“Sure it was.” I say while laughing “Let's go upstairs there's some food in the fridge we can eat”
“Wait, I think you should check this out.” He says while pointing towards one of the walls. I grab Preston's flashlight off the floor and face it towards the wall. Hanging halfway off the wall is a large map labeled Newkiwana scavenger hunt of 76.
“I think we should take it,” Preston says “You can read a map right?”
“A little but I'm not the best at it,” I say to him “can you read a map?”
“it shouldn’t be too hard it’s mainly pictures any way I'm sure I can figure it out”
I walk over to the wall where the map is hung there are trophies covering tables and shelved in their own personal cases one of them reads “1st place 100-meter swimming competition for 1986 Zack Hemmingway” and another one reads “2nd place 100-meter swimming competition for 1989 Zack Hemmingway”
“Guess this guy really liked swimming,” Preston remarks while staring at a wall of newspaper clippings. All of them are about the same person in swimming competitions. All labeled different things like “a new record for Zack “the dolphin” Hemmingway”,
‘Zach Hemmingway our star plans for the future” all the newspapers are about this kind he has paler skin and a bulky enough build to swim pretty well. Most of the pictures have him coming out of the water in a pool, his long black hair soaked and sitting at his shoulders. Another one has him sitting at a desk over a pile of books and his hair in a knot , “vicious wipeout ends the Dolphins career”, and “ex-swim champ Zack Hemmingway found in a drunken stupor outside strip club.
“Everyone has their own hobbies I guess,” I say as I take the map off of the wall and fold it up. “Sucks what happened to Zack though” I walked over to Preston’s bag and put the rolled map in one of the pockets. I walk back up the stairs and Preston grabs his bag and follows behind me.
We make our way towards the kitchen and Preston starts looking through the fridge for anything to eat. I grab an orange from the table and throw it at his head. The fruit bounces off his head and rolls on the floor. He turns around and grabs the fruit from the floor
“Why did you throw an orange at me?”
“It's the only food we have unless you plan on eating spoiled a sandwich“ He starts to peel it while walking towards the table. We both take a seat and start to eat the oranges from the bag. He plants his feet on top of the table and bites into the fully peeled orange. I grab a water bottle from a bag and start to drink from it as Preston says.
“I saw a dvd player in that man cave downstairs we could watch a movie if it still has power”
“Sure it could be fun.” Me and Preston spend the rest of our time eating until the bag of oranges is emptied and we head back downstairs. Preston grabs the DVD player from under the table and blows the dust off the top of it; he plugs it into the wall as I plop myself onto the couch. He plugs the DVD player into the TV and sits on the recliner next to me. He presses a few buttons on the remote and the TV lights up. I squint my eyes at how bright it is. It's the most amount of light I've seen that didn't come from a flashlight. I notice there's a box filled with DVDs. I pull the box over towards me. I ruffle through the box and see movies like Silence of the Lambs, Terminator 2, and Home alone.
“Dude some of these came out just before the world turned inside out” I say to him.
“Really? Let's play one.” He responds. I toss him Terminator 2 and he puts it into the DVD player.
We spend the next couple hours watching movies and laughing together. It's some of our only moments of peace we’ve had since the end of the world and to me it's the most fun I've had yet. We're putting in the next DVD when there's a loud crash outside and the TV shuts off. Preston goes behind it to see if it's still plugged in.
“I think the generator outside is busted” i say
“It seems that way” Preston replies while backing away from the tv” i'm gonna go check it out”
“Don't worry I got it” I say as I hop out of my chair. Preston waves goodbye as I head up the stairs. I make my way back through the hallway leading to the living room and front door. I reach the door and start to turn the knob. I open the door wide as a car speeds down the street. I step out of the door to see what had happened when I hear the screech of a glanter. It cuts through the sky like an unholy opera singer. A group of them fly by and chase the car as I rush back inside the house. I slam the door shut and look through the window as I see a couple of smaller glanters grab and shake the car violently looking for the driver. They tear at it, ripping off doors and breaking the windows. The driver screams as the seats cover with blood and he's ripped out of the car as multiple smaller glanters tear and bite off parts of his body like piranha's until his body is completely devoured. I run back to the man cave to warn Preston about what had happened. I spot him laying in his chair spinning a DVD disc on his finger.
“It's not safe outside right now”
“Why not?
“There's glanter's outside, they just ate a dude in his car”
“Did they see you come inside?”
“I don't think so , they flew off before I went inside.”
“well we're not dead so I'm gonna say they didn't see you. But let's stay here for a couple more hours just to be safe”
“Sounds good i'm gonna go find the master bedroom.” I start to walk back up the stairs to the house
“ Hold on why do you get the master bedroom” Preston says while walking after me.
“Because I'm gonna find it first” I say as I start to run to find the bedroom. He chases after me in pursuit of the bedroom. Me and Preston run around the house looking for the master bedroom. We look through room after room finding closets, the garage, a bathroom and a door leading to a balcony in the back of the house. I manage to run into the bedroom and yell out to Preston.``Found it!!”
He comes walking into the room breathing heavily from the running. We both check out the room. The walls are painted a cream yellow and the bed takes up most of the room's center. The bed has burgundy sheets poking out from its bottom and a quilt with multi-colored floral designs lay sprawled out on top of it. There's a wardrobe built into the wall and a black leather couch sits comfortably on the left wall.
“Dibs on the bed” I say as I jump on top of it. I stretch out on top of the quilt and search for a comfortable part to sleep in.
“Where am I supposed to sleep then?” Preston complains
“You can sleep on the couch it looks soft enough” I respond while pointing towards the couch “I saw some spare blankets in one of the closets”
“Alright i’ll be right back” he mumbles to himself “why do i always get the couch”
“ I'll be right here if you need me,” i call after him. I sit up on the bed and start to look around the room more. I notice the entrance to the wardrobe is cracked open slightly. I hop out of the bed and grab a flashlight from my bag as I walk into the wardrobe. I turn on my flashlight and stare in awe at how many clothes are in there. The room is only half as big as the bedroom but it's still bigger than any closet I've ever had. The wardrobe is full of shirts, dresses, pants, and shoes for men and women. I immediately start to look through the shoes to see if any fit my size. I throw a pair of black high heels behind me as Preston finds me in the wardrobe. He looks around before asking me.
“What are you doing?”
“Finding a new pair of clothes to wear cause I've been wearing the same pair of jeans for waaaaay too long”
“Fair enough. Is there any guy stuff in there?”
“Yeah right there” I hook my thumb behind me to point to the other end of the closet.
“I'm sure they won't mind if we take a couple of things…they're probably dead by now anyways,” Preston says with a slight grin on his face. The way he said made me spin my head to look at him but he was already on the opposite end of the wardrobe looking at suits.
I shake away the thought and continue looking for any pair of sneakers in my size. 40 minutes pass before I walk out of the wardrobe holding a new pair of jeans and a black guns-N-roses t-shirt. I toss the clothes on top of the bed and check to see if the shower in the bathroom still works. I turn the dial and wait for a moment. The shower head chokes a little before water comes pouring out. I reach my hand under the showerhead to feel the water. The water is cold, it causes my hand to shiver when I take it out. I shake the water off and say to myself.
“Good enough” as I start to take off my old clothes and get in the shower. The cold water bounces off my skin, it sends shivers down my spine but I still get the old dirt from the last few months off of me. I step out and see a couple of dry towels hanging off of the door. I grab one and dry my body off and grab another to wrap around my head and dry my hair. I step out of the bathroom and Preston is still inside the wardrobe. I put on my new clothes while his back is turned and walk over towards him when I'm finished.
“Still haven't found anything,” I ask him
He turns around “Nothing yet, the only thing interesting was this coat.” He holds a leather coat up to me. The coat is made of black leather and has a skull covered with blue flames on the back. There's a black shirt inside the coat with a skeleton hand making a thumbs-up embroidered on the front.
“ That's pretty cool, it's better than what you're wearing right now at least” he's outfitted in a blue hoodie with holes on the chest and tears at the sleeves. He also has a shirt with a faded picture of a blue flower printed on it.
“I guess you're right” he gets up from the floor and exits the wardrobe. He lays the clothes on the couch along next to the blanket and pillow he brought into the room.
“The shower works so you can get yourself clean In there,” I say to him
“You know, a shower sounds really good right now.” He gets up from the floor and grabs a pair of pajama pants that were laying next to him. He leaves the wardrobe and enters the bathroom, closing the door behind him. After a moment the water turns on and I hop on the bed to get ready to sleep. I squirm myself into the quilt and rest my head against one of the pillows. I shut my eyes and fall asleep listening to the passive sound of the shower like rain on a car.
I'm in a void. It feels like I'm standing in a puddle of water that reaches to my knees. I wade my way forward looking around for anything in the darkness. In the distance I can see 3 figures l. I moved closer to them and their silhouettes get clearer. I realize they are my dad and brothers. I start to run towards them kicking up water behind me until something grabs my leg. It pulls down violently forcing me under the water without a breath of air. I kick at the thing grabbing me until something grabs my other leg. I look down and see two glanter's each with a monstrous smile on their faces. They stare back at me and one of them tugs my leg harder than before and tears it off of my body. The water around me turns red as the glanter laugh's. The other smiles wider as it starts to fling me around the water forcing any air left in my lungs to be forced out as I scream in pain. The glanter throws me away and I can see my family slowly fade into the distance as I'm flown away.
I struggle to swim back to where I was, one of my legs is missing and the other is broken. The glanter's find me again and I try to get to the surface to escape them. I'm flapping my arms in any attempt to escape as one of the glanter's flies in front of me and grabs my arm. I look at the monster with tears in my eyes as it bites my arm and tears my body away from it. It flings my body away and with my remaining arm I clutch the wound as the water floods into my body leaving me in the void I started in. I look around and the glanter's seem to have left. I turn behind me and see my family again, this time I'm closer than before.
I grit my teeth and drag my body towards them slowly as I leave a trail of blood and tears behind me. I finally reach my family and grab one of my father's shoes. I stare up and he looks at me. His stare causes me to feel cold as a grotesque smile grows on his face. I stare in shock as my brothers each have the same look as my father.
I shoot up from my sleep panting heavily in a cold sweat.
“It was just a dream..just a dream…just a dream” I look at my hands as tears fall into them. I look around the room and see Preston sleeping peacefully on the couch. The room feels frozen in place as a chill runs down my spine. I get out of the bed and walk out of the bedroom. I make my way through the dark hallway and find the entrance to the balcony I saw earlier. I creak open the screen door and head outside. The Balcony is pretty large, about the size of the kitchen in the house. There are some chairs knocked over next to a table and I pick one up to sit on it. I look out into the expanse of the neighborhood, houses lined up next to each other, dozens broken apart by roads, and dead bodies scattered across the roads.
I look up in the sky and sit back in the chair. The sky looks empty except for the moon giving this world its only source of light. Without the moon, we’d be left in darkness. It hangs in the sky alone, no stars, no clouds, nothing but itself, and the void of the sky. I think back about the dream I had. My dad and my brother's all dead and possessed and then they kill me. I start to tear up thinking about it. I try to wipe away the tears but it’s no use. I'm too scared for my family. I don't know where they are if they're alive if they're worried about me I don't know anything! I start to quietly cry into my hands. I don't know how long I'm sitting there until I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn my head to face it and I see Preston. He was smiling and looking at me. I turn away to wipe my tears and he walks next to me.
“I heard you sneaking out of the bedroom so I followed you to see where you were going.” he says “but that's not my question.” he pauses and looks at me “my question is what’s got you feeling so down?” he leans over the railing of the balcony
“It's nothing, I just came out here to clear my head.” I say as more tears escape from my eyes in big slow drops that ride down the sides of my face.
“if you don't feel like telling me you don't have to but i'll be here if you ever change your mind”. He looks up at the moon before turning to face me and his smile widens “I'll always be here with you…trust me I'm not going anywhere”
I stare up at him and wipe away my tears as a smile grows on my face to match his. I get up and stare over the balcony with him. “So where are we heading next?” I say to him, Preston pulls the map we got from the man cave downstairs out from his pocket.
“After I got out of the shower I decided to take a look at the map for anything interesting we could see.”
“Ok did you find anything?” i ask
“I did,” he points at a spot on the right of the map. “We should head to the museum”
“I didn't want to go to a museum before the apocalypse why would i want to go now?'' I ask him.
“Well the best part of museums is the cool stuff right”
“Yeah what about it”
“The only problem is that you could only look at the fossils and armor but you could never take them.”
“So you want to rob a museum?” Prestons eyes light up at the question
“Exactly they might have a really cool sword I could use, or I could sharpen a dinosaur tooth and use that as a weapon, there might be a cursed shield that can summon the dead to fight for you. This opportunity is too good to pass up. We need to go!”
“That does seem pretty cool but wouldn't carrying that stuff weigh us down. What if a glanter is chasing us and we can't run fast enough because of the stuff we took from the museum.”
“We’ll only take things that are light. Even then I could just block the glanter with my newly acquired 2000 year old shield.”
“Fair enough we can go in a couple hours” I yawn and stretch out my arms. “Cause I'm feeling way too tired to walk all the way over there right now.”
“Alright i'm heading back to my couch and THEN we’ll head out to the museum” he leaves the balcony and heads back to the master bedroom leaving me alone on the balcony.
“Thanks Preston I'm not leaving either” I say into the sky. I turn around and walk back inside the house, closing the balcony door behind me. I walk back into the bedroom and Preston is hunched over and holding a flashlight looking at the map. He’s drawing lines through roads and marking X’s in different areas.
“What are the X’s for?” i ask him
“They’re places that glanter’s usually stay around. I'm marking them off so we remember not to go through them, or at least be more cautious.”
“Cool. Did you find where we are right now?” He points to an area where the lines all converge out of.
“Right around here is where the neighborhood ends. So if we follow this path we can make it to the museum in one piece” I pat him on the back and take the map from his hands.
“Get some sleep Preston, we have a full day tomorrow” he grins to himself before laying down on the couch. I put the map back into my bag and hop on the bed to get to sleep. I cover my body in the quilt and roll over facing away from Preston as he falls asleep. I nestle myself into the bed and slowly fall asleep to get ready for the next day.
I'm awoken by Preston shaking the bed I'm sleeping on. My eyes open and the room is foggy, I wipe away the sleep from my eyes and focus my attention towards Preston. He's practically jumping out of his skin with excitement, he's already fully dressed for the trip and shaking the bed with a wide smile on his face.
“Ok ok i'm up the air feels heavy as a groggy feeling fills my body. I wipe my eyes and the room starts to clear up. I turn to face Preston. He's still shaking my bed to wake me up, he’s already fully dressed and nearly jumping out of his skin in excitement.
“Ok ok, i'm up you can stop shaking the bed” i say
“Then get up we’ve got a long walk ahead of us” he says as he stops shaking the mattress. He grabs the map from my bag and points to one of the red lines.
“We're gonna follow this way to the museum. We’ll move past the hotel around the ice skating rink and around the park. We’ll mainly stick to walking through the streets, we might have to go rooftop hopping to avoid any glanter’s if we see them but i'm sure we won’t reach that point.” he explains
“Wait, wait, wait, why are avoiding the skating rink and the park” i ask
“ everytime we go near the park there's weird noises and light coming out of it”
“And why can't we go to the ice skating rink?”
“I didn't think it would be important”
“It couldn't hurt to check it out at least”
“Fine we could make a detour”
“Ok and how do you plan on getting on top of roofs?”
“I'm sure we'll figure it out when we get to it”
“Ok man as long as you’re sure '' I yawn and step out of the bed. Preston starts to put the map in his bag. I walk into the bathroom with my clothes and change out of my pajamas. Minutes later I walk out and see Preston sitting on the couch twiddling his thumbs.
“Finally you're out” he smiles at me before handing me my bag and slinging it over his shoulder. We took a last look inside the kitchen to see if we missed anything. Afterwards we leave for the outside. The cold air bites at my face but Preston walks down the stairs, his face buried in the map. I jog to catch up to him as we both head into the street.
“Hey Preston, could I see the map?”
“Sure” he hands over the map and continues walking. I look at the map and the numerous lines drawn on roads. I look at the corner of the map and notice a small map key with numerous symbols for different areas like a library, school, hospital, and more. There's even a way to tell how far away each location is. The text reads “1 inch=5 miles” I quickly count how far we are from the museum.
“Dude this museum is like 100 miles away.”
“Yep it'll be a long walk, it'll take us a while to get there”
“Did you plan on us walking there the whole time?”
“We might find bikes or something.” he pauses “well i did think we would walk the whole way”
“This is gonna take us weeks to get there!”
“Did you have anything else planned?”
“Well…i guess not but we should still try to find some bikes or something”
“Ok if we see any way to travel faster we’ll take it”
“Alright cool” I hand him the map back and he folds it back up and puts it in his bag. We walk further until we leave the gated neighborhood we started in. Preston takes the map back out and looks at it before he turns right and continues walking. I follow him staring forward at the expanse of the road. The outside of the neighborhood is surrounded by roads all leading to different parts of Newkinawa. We walk past a sign that reads “Coretown 20 miles ahead” I nudge Preston towards the sign and he checks the map again.
“Yep, the museum’s in Coretown. Would you believe the residents were pretty proud of it. Should be a fun place to explore” he says
“Yeah but it’ll take us a million years to get there.” i complain
“Lighten up, I'm sure it will be worth it”. We continue walking down the road slowly making our way to Coretown.

im 14m and she homeschools me (forcefully)
why
why must my mom be so childish seriously
if anything I say goes against her “christian and conspiracy beliefs” to a minute degree it’s immediately shot down
and i get called a liberal who would murder babies
nice
im sick of this can i just have a normal conversation without being told I’m going to hell and having my mom act like the smartest person on earth with her methods of using colloidal silver oil for sore throats, getting food that isn’t bioengineers, no vaccines (ofc i haven’t been vaxxed), her claiming my nana died of leukemia because of the vaccine, that the firmament prevents rockets from leaving earth, that rainbows are the firmament refracting light, that basically any food gives you cancer, that homeschool is better because public schools “tell you that 200 gender freaks are okay and they brainwash you and tell you God is bad“, that the higher-ups are all pedophiles and out to get us (are we really that important mom), that she’s educating people on ”end-times” (wow so impressive mhm), that gravity is a theory and density is the real gravity, that trump will save us all (or that he’s the antichrist she kinda changes between opinions), that linen sheets will heal any sickness, that most medicine is just big pharma lying to us, that a cure for cancer exists but they’re hiding it to keep income through hospitals, and all this other bullshit that I can’t really remember right now. and guess what, flat earth!
she’s never really a comforting person to be around because she’s so fucking childish. one time when I was like 10 years old my brother accidentally hit her toe lightly and she started crying and saying to my brother “you hurt meeee” and crying more in front of him before stopping when he was like 11. idk if im a dick but it just doesn’t sound like how at at the time 56 year old woman would react.
sometimes I genuinely feel like I’m her parent trying to get her to calm down and stuff and it sucks. I have no friends because I never see anyone due to being homeschooled. CPS wouldnt do shit either. I have no relatives who would let me stay with them. I just stay in my room all day and go to the gym 5 days a week because I want to feel like im not that much of a worthless parasite at least.
my dad also just acts cold he doesnt really talk to anyone. he’s always in a bad mood. he‘ll say stuff like “dreadful” or “miserable” while he’s in a good mood. he says he doesn’t want to act like his abusive dad (my grandpa I never met hes dead now) yet he still acts mad. He’s punched stuff in front of me when mad and he gave me a panic attack one time because he kept yelling at the top of his lungs at me because I didn’t do mu schoolwork. I was hyperventilating and crying uncontrollably and he interpreted it as me trying to scare him like I was mad or something so he just yelled louder until he left eventually. Then my mom, who showed no real compassion but just stand there calmly, took my books and showed me everythinf I hadn’t done yet. Eventually I got up full of adrenaline and ran to my closet door which I smashed into from the speed and opened it and got in once again hitting the wall inside and leaving a dent in it from the force. Then I held the doorknob shut until my mom finally started crying because she “didnt want me to be scaredmof them“ when she couldn’t get the door open because of my strength. She also threatened to get my dad in the room again to open the door forcefully (he’s stronger than me, he’s about 6’ 1” and 230lbs so he’s pretty strong.) i think my dad made me enter flight or fight for the first time which isn’t a very good memory (this lasted about 90 minutes)
idk why I have to always keep up a face it’s so annoying. I can’t truly trust anyone anymore. I always feel like someone is against me or secretly wants to get me or hates me or beat the shit out of me or kill me. I want to actually be able to trust someone and cry for hours in their arms without them getting mad at me or not being okay with it. shot that’ll never happen though. i wish my life was normal (according to both my parents it‘s “better than ”normal”!” im done im finished
im sick

im 14m and she homeschools me (forcefully)
why
why must my mom be so childish seriously
if anything I say goes against her “christian and conspiracy beliefs” to a minute degree it’s immediately shot down
and i get called a liberal who would murder babies
nice
im sick of this can i just have a normal conversation without being told I’m going to hell and having my mom act like the smartest person on earth with her methods of using colloidal silver oil for sore throats, getting food that isn’t bioengineers, no vaccines (ofc i haven’t been vaxxed), her claiming my nana died of leukemia because of the vaccine, that the firmament prevents rockets from leaving earth, that rainbows are the firmament refracting light, that basically any food gives you cancer, that homeschool is better because public schools “tell you that 200 gender freaks are okay and they brainwash you and tell you God is bad“, that the higher-ups are all pedophiles and out to get us (are we really that important mom), that she’s educating people on ”end-times” (wow so impressive mhm), that gravity is a theory and density is the real gravity, that trump will save us all (or that he’s the antichrist she kinda changes between opinions), that linen sheets will heal any sickness, that most medicine is just big pharma lying to us, that a cure for cancer exists but they’re hiding it to keep income through hospitals, and all this other bullshit that I can’t really remember right now. and guess what, flat earth!
she’s never really a comforting person to be around because she’s so fucking childish. one time when I was like 10 years old my brother accidentally hit her toe lightly and she started crying and saying to my brother “you hurt meeee” and crying more in front of him before stopping when he was like 11. idk if im a dick but it just doesn’t sound like how at at the time 56 year old woman would react.
sometimes I genuinely feel like I’m her parent trying to get her to calm down and stuff and it sucks. I have no friends because I never see anyone due to being homeschooled. CPS wouldnt do shit either. I have no relatives who would let me stay with them. I just stay in my room all day and go to the gym 5 days a week because I want to feel like im not that much of a worthless parasite at least.
my dad also just acts cold he doesnt really talk to anyone. he’s always in a bad mood. he‘ll say stuff like “dreadful” or “miserable” while he’s in a good mood. he says he doesn’t want to act like his abusive dad (my grandpa I never met hes dead now) yet he still acts mad. He’s punched stuff in front of me when mad and he gave me a panic attack one time because he kept yelling at the top of his lungs at me because I didn’t do mu schoolwork. I was hyperventilating and crying uncontrollably and he interpreted it as me trying to scare him like I was mad or something so he just yelled louder until he left eventually. Then my mom, who showed no real compassion but just stand there calmly, took my books and showed me everythinf I hadn’t done yet. Eventually I got up full of adrenaline and ran to my closet door which I smashed into from the speed and opened it and got in once again hitting the wall inside and leaving a dent in it from the force. Then I held the doorknob shut until my mom finally started crying because she “didnt want me to be scaredmof them“ when she couldn’t get the door open because of my strength. She also threatened to get my dad in the room again to open the door forcefully (he’s stronger than me, he’s about 6’ 1” and 230lbs so he’s pretty strong.) i think my dad made me enter flight or fight for the first time which isn’t a very good memory (this lasted about 90 minutes)
idk why I have to always keep up a face it’s so annoying. I can’t truly trust anyone anymore. I always feel like someone is against me or secretly wants to get me or hates me or beat the shit out of me or kill me. I want to actually be able to trust someone and cry for hours in their arms without them getting mad at me or not being okay with it. shot that’ll never happen though. i wish my life was normal (according to both my parents it‘s “better than ”normal”!” im done im finished
im sick

i’m on a study abroad in ecuador with a v prestigious college with rich ass kids (many of them in fact come from the richest school district in the country) . i am a rising senior who’s volunteered on farms, played field hockey while having arthritis n unable to eat during a health flare, and has never been hiking before.
it’s our 2 day on the trip and while some things were weird, i already knew it would be as this school isn’t very diverse. we went on a 2 hour hike today through the andean mountains. the first half i was cheery and was trying to help a girl stop fretting about germs and drinking the water from the spring we were hiking to. the second half of the hike picked up a LOT in intensity (hobbit sized enterences, being on the side of a cliffs where one small step would actually send us to massive injury/ death ). i was vocal about needing a break, wanting to slow down ect however the one teacher was usually not around. anothe problem as the group kept breaking up and the path was unfamiliar making it very scary for someone who isn’t used to nature and such. there was one person who stayed back and listened to my feelings and expressed their own frustrat about the group not following hiking code ect. i other than that i felt pretty alone. i explained that this was my first hike and no one seemed to care. on top of that people kept saying thinks like “this is easy” and others. I completed the hike in high spirits with the rest and was joking laughing and talking with them the whole time albeit i did complain and especially towards the end display my frustration.
when we got to camp my professor and the director of the program both dismissed my feelings, which i only shared bc they asked, and generally gave the message of oh well you made it. i explained that i was upset about the lack of communication and direction during the hike and again the same. that night we had reflection and they made everyone ask what was hard and what can we learn from it Teacher 101 on how to embarrass someone who tried to confide in you by making everyone else explain how they handled it just fine. They ended the meeting with 1. humble yourself 2. have an open heart 3. we are a community other bull shit. Mind you they didn’t go on the walk and no one was campaigning about me, they just didn’t like my answers. It’s not that i’m upset i had to do hard work or anything but everyone dismiss my feelings and make it seem like i’m the massive problem. I have had similar issues with this school when people of color are being excluded as i’m vocal about justice. I’ve decided to just keep my thoughts to myself until the meeting now i just kinda wanna go home. I will probably stay but interacting with everyone is weird when community is supposed to support one another and i now know they won’t support me. aita?

Hey there!
I’m a 24-year-old woman and I've never been in a “real” relationship. I’m not unattractive. I’m 6’1”, curvy, brunette, and I care about my appearance. People often say I look like a main character with my styling and dressing.
Background information: (Bear with me, you’ll see where I‘m going with this ...)
When I was 13, I met someone online (he was also 13), and we started dating. At school, I was getting bullied, and my “online” ex was my escape, my safe space. I never told him about the bullying because I wanted to enjoy our time together and keep it positive. I loved him, but after 6 years together and meeting once, we grew apart.
In 2021, I had bariatric surgery and lost 130 lbs (60 kg). I gained a lot of confidence and self-esteem.
Three years ago, I started dating someone I met in GTA V RolePlay (he was 25 at that time and I was 21). We spent nights talking , playing games, would motivate each other to go out for walks or hit the gym, shared playlists to listen to the same songs at the same time (while me liking every single song that he chose even though it’s not my taste but because knew he liked it so I loved it even more uncontrollably), watched movies and series while on calls playing and pausing at the same moments
Would look up at the moon at the same time remembering we’re looking at the same moon and hundreds of miles basically can’t separate us, no distance is so far, no time is so long, believing our two hearts were meant for each other
But there were some not-so-pretty aspects of our relationship.
He’d throw tantrums, accuse me of cheating and lying, and try to control my life. He’d contact people around me and in the game to find out “lies,” bring up the past to make me feel guilty, and project his behavior onto me. I always tried to fix it and explain myself but the problems got even worse overtime. (Btw: Been to his city where he lives and wanted to say hi, turns out he‘s never lived there, or another instance: He‘d send old pictures claiming he was at Coachella and his friend uploaded the same pic on facebook on which they tagged the location, they were on another small festival in the UK and definitely not Coachella) I guess he‘d even lie about small things expecting me to be the same as him.
I've been in therapy for three years now. I started therapy to fix myself in order for our relationship to work. After six months of dating, endless calls, and never meeting in person, we broke up.
The idea of him, us, and our future was too beautiful to let go, and I lost it after.
Also, my dad has always been emotionally unavailable, and my mom overly protective. My siblings and I were her therapists from a very young age.
My therapist is a genius. Through many sessions, they helped me realize that love was what saved my life back then and that I’m always seeking love to fill a void (that‘s why I have him the chance to manipulate me). They emphasized the need for self-love instead of seeking validation from others.
I know it’s trauma, but how?
I lost my virginity after the last break up. I’ve tried dating again. I kinda realized most of them define me by my looks, by my curves and wanting just sex. I feel like most of them can‘t imagine a relationship with me beyond that. Like I‘m not good enough for a relationship. I’ve experienced men talking to me in different stages, until we end up having sex, and from that moment on they would only call me when they feel down bad.
Now, I’m ready for a real relationship. I’m ready to fall in love again, for the honeymoon phase, for that limerence. But it just doesn’t happen when I meet someone. I get the ick so fast. I don’t feel a spark or motivation to reply, and I can’t let things evolve.
I’ve asked myself... Do I miss my ex? I thought I did until he messaged me after his breakup, and I realized I don’t miss him at all (even ghosted him lol). I’m cool with both my exes.
I also asked... Is it because I haven’t met the one yet? Or do I need someone to chase me to develop interest? I thought the right person would come someday. But even when someone treats me right, giving me the attention I need and actually chasing me, it’s the same situation after a few weeks.
I recently got diagnosed with ADHD and BPD. I don’t think they’re stopping me because it worked with both my exes.
So what is it? I want to love again. Why is my unconscious blocking it?
I’m not pressuring to find that one person. But I’m desperate, feeling like I can never love like I did before, losing hope that I’ll ever be capable of being in a relationship.
What do you think about this situation? Have you ever been in a similar situation? I‘m still continuing therapy btw. Things take time. This topic is pretty much complex and I guess reading from people who can relate is a form of therapy as well. Do you have any suggestions?
Thanks for bearing with me, guys. Thanks for reading and taking the time. I truly appreciate it.

hey all, i'm a case manager working with a 30s year old man whom has two kids that are middle school aged. About 3 years ago, his wife divorced him and she got full custody of the children per a mutual agreement. He still had rights to supervised visits but never used them and basically fell out of their lives immediately. He has struggled a lot these past few years with physical and mental health disabilities and has a mild intellectual disability as well which can affect his understanding of complex situations, although he had been able to work and live fairly independently with his family in the past.
He has expressed interest in seeing his kids again and being involved in their lives. I did speak to his ex- once to coordinate child support and from speaking to her she seemed hurt that he hadn't been involved in the children's lives and hadn't heard from him in 3 years. It seemed as if she wanted him involved in their lives again as well.
So my question is what can I do to help him prepare to re-enter his role as a parent? I think it's difficult for this guy to think about things deeply and understand how other's feel at times, but I imagine the kids were quite traumatized after their father ghosting them for a few years. I want him to be ready when he starts visiting his kids again so that he can be successful and not traumatize them any further.

Excuse my bad english, i used AI to translate some parts, im not a native speaker. So, here goes the story of how Jehovah's Witnesses almost drove me to suicide, how my grandmother disowned me, and why I am now 1,327 kilometers away from my family, haha.
I was born into a three-generation JW family in Cancún, Mexico. I never had birthdays, Halloween, or any of the world's holidays. From ages 0 to 3, my nuclear family was distant from the JWs. I learned to read and began reading Watchtower literature. I never liked the idea that Jehovah was going to commit genocide on 99% of the world's population and that we would be happy in paradise with exile, resurrection, and more. At age 4, they resumed their service to the organization and tried to raise me solely with Watchtower literature. Everything else was practically forbidden, although I loved watching documentaries and reading about nature. I became a fan of some school books. I was never allowed to have a single friend, and at school, I was forced to have perfect grades, or else my parents would beat me, and this continued until I was 8 years old.
When I was 8, my father quit his job because a coworker started sexually harassing him. From that moment on, life in my family went downhill. I discovered I was gay, and every "teaching" started to irritate me more and more. My father tried to dedicate himself more to the organization's service, so it took him almost a year to find a job that allowed him to do so. At the beginning of this period, I was sent to my grandmother's house for her to take care of me for 3 months. The hell of the Catholics sounded more appealing than being there. I stopped going to school, and every day began with waking up at 5:45 am, considering the day's text for an hour, then breakfast, preaching from 7:30 am to 3:00 pm under 30-degree heat, a break for a meager meal, and then continuing with studies from 4:00 pm to 8:00 pm. Upon returning home, we would study the ministry school or the Watchtower until 10:00 pm, every day. Sundays, we had our meeting at 9:00 am, and we still went out to preach in the morning from 6:30 to 8:30.
I remember during that time I lost weight, going from being overweight to the lower limit of a healthy weight, even developing anemia. I suffered from heat strokes, dehydration, and other issues. The worst part was the Saturday Watchtower study. My grandmother wouldn't schedule studies that day so we could study the Watchtower. We started at 3 in the afternoon and continued until nearly 10 at night or even later, reading every biblical passage, every reference in the central column. We didn't have dinner until we finished studying. If I yawned, she would pinch me, and one day she tried to slap me. Adding to this was her favoritism towards other more "spiritual" cousins and her constant reminders that I would die for not having blind faith in God. Those were 3 months of my life. After that, I returned home and resumed my studies.
That year, we ended up living off poor government aid, and I made my first friend in primary school. Her mother was the sweetest woman I had ever known. She gave me desserts, fed me when we had no money, something the brothers NEVER did for my family. Here begins the next chapter of my family.
My father got a job in Cancun's public transportation but quit because he had to break many laws in a highly competitive and illegal environment. Desperate, my father accepted the lowest job offer from one of his JW brothers, working from 8 am to 6:30 pm, with no overtime pay, for $25 a week to support a family of five. Meanwhile, the indoctrination continued, torturing me with the idea that I would be destroyed at Armageddon for being secretly homosexual and completely isolated from my schoolmates due to my beliefs and poverty, thanks to this religion and abusive brothers.
My father started taking me to work on weekends, some weekdays, and holidays. They didn't pay anything extra for me; I worked entirely for free. At school, I resented the lack of money. Sometimes I would pick up government notebooks that kids threw away. My uniform was falling apart.
I started secondary school, and this situation continued. I was switched from the afternoon shift to the morning shift because of bullying at school. During that time, I met my first real friend, a guy who always supported me. He was a fan of creepy pastas and the paranormal, someone who was absent once or twice a week but with whom I enjoyed spending time. We would lie on the classroom floor listening to scary stories. I developed romantic feelings for him but never had the chance to confess. One day, after school, he walked me to a street before my house, where my father was waiting for me. A brother had leaked what was happening. I had managed to get a cell phone, which my parents checked daily to see what I was doing. At 15, they forbade me from having any contact with him, so I ended the friendship and suppressed my feelings until we finished the last year of secondary school. He didn't attend the graduation day. That day, I was completely alone. My parents went with me, but no one approached me. In Mexico, there's a tradition of signing your friends' shirts. Mine had the signature of one teacher, and nothing more. None of my classmates recognized me as a friend that day.
Two months passed. I entered high school, and one day, while walking back from preaching with my mother, I met one of my former schoolmates. We had ended up fighting, but we respected each other. When he saw me, tears welled up in his eyes. I had never seen him like that. He approached me and told me that my first friend had died of cancer. I was in shock. I told him not to joke, and he asked if I ever wondered why he was absent so often and the school never said anything, why he grew his hair long until he started missing more and more. I remember that day I felt pain like never before. I felt like I was collapsing inside. I wanted to vomit and cry. I regretted for years having left him to die alone. I felt like a traitor. My parents didn't care, but I fell into a depression that took years to overcome. To distract my mind, I started preaching more and filling my mind with dogmas. But I knew, I knew I could never achieve eternal life as a homosexual, I knew I could never make my parents happy, I knew I shouldn't get baptized, or when I got disfellowshipped, my family would consider me dead.
I started a spiral of self-hatred that one day led to harmful thoughts. I began to think about using chemical castration to eliminate my impulses, about amputating my genitals to avoid sinning. I started to think that if I died, I would be resurrected.
During high school, everyone in the congregation who talked to me only pressured me to get baptized. But I knew that if I did, it would lead to an even worse situation. And the spiral began. With each assembly, these feelings grew stronger. They kept reminding me that I had to do it, that I had to go out into the world as a JW. And everyday, some homophobic things that make me more and more fragile.
At 18, my both parents ended up working to pay off debts. I started staying home, waking up at 2 pm, and sleeping up to 20 hours a day. They labeled me spiritually lazy. I was dying more each day, and no one cared. No one in the congregation was truly my friend.
Then one day, my sister sent me to a government program to get a job. A psychologist noticed my problems and interviewed me. I started a small treatment, where I slowly made friends and became more expressive. I didn't know how to speak properly with others even though I could give talks and preach. I was socially stagnant. All the young people in the congregation ostracized me for not being a blind believer, and on top of that, I was sarcastic, so I was the one left out. I was invited to a gathering only once, with the condition that I couldn't talk to anyone about anything. Time passed, and from that government program, I started working at an institution. I met my first angels, my female coworkers, five wonderful women who practically taught me how to speak again, who explained how to celebrate a birthday, how to socialize, how to talk properly with others.
During this time, with some expertise in hiding information from my family, I bought a phone I only used at work. Curiosity got the better of me, and I started visiting Telegram groups, where I met my former partner, someone who helped me finally leave the Jehovah's Witnesses. When the pandemic started, I was sent home. My family tried to use that phone, but it had a password. When they asked for it, I refused. For the first time in my life, I refused such an order. I started to distance myself little by little. I grew my hair long, started going out more, talking more with my ex, and so on. Gradually, I distanced myself. I didn't attend Zoom meetings, and I stopped preaching by letter. Then the presidential elections came, and I was forced to vote to keep my job, which was the only source of income for my family during the pandemic. I did it, went out to vote, which cost me my position as a publisher. I was more than happy. Some brothers called me, hat was the firstime in 4 years that they made a phone call. The quarantine ended, and I finally returned to my office with my coworkers.
Then my grandmother reappeared, trying to condition me to become a preacher again, and she tried to manipulate me. I flatly refused and left. Then something worse happened: she came to live with us, and every day it was the same argument, until one day, during a trip to the beach (Cancun, baby), she tried to corner me with an elder and a pioneer. I simply told them to move away. They refused and said I had to come back and cut my hair. I told my grandmother no, and that I didn't want to talk about it with anyone anymore, that it was my life and she should use the little time she had left. Later, I found out that she had removed me from her will over some land in the outskirts of Cancun. I don't regret.
Then my father noticed something and told me that if he discovered anything, he would kick me out of the house. He asked me if I was gay, to which I replied "maybe." He said that if I declared it, I would have to leave the house. At that time, I had already broken up with my ex, who had moved to the center of the country. I talked to him and his current partner, and they said it would be no problem, that they could take me in if something happened. I told my sister about my suicidal thoughts after she asked what had happened with my father. Then, my parents got me a psychologist, who started helping me progress and overcome some of the issues I had with my self-esteem. However, what I didn't know was that he was leaking EVERYTHING to my parents, and thus they confirmed my sexuality and found out about my relationship.
I endured that year and told my parents that I would leave home on my 23rd birthday. I took the UNAM exam, which I didn't pass 😅😅. I told them, and they dropped a bombshell: "we were hoping you would fail your exam so you wouldn't leave." That gave me the impetus to do it, to finalize my escape. With anger and nostalgia, a few days later, I took a flight to another city where my friends took me in. I think I can consider them more than friends, they are my family, i have one on cancun, that needs to leave that religion. Right now, I'm looking into starting treatment again, specifically for victims of coercive sects. I live much more freely, maybe not in a super city, but happily, without my family's eyes always watching me. I have never felt so free in my life.
To the Jehovah's Witnesses reading this, remember, we born and raised in cages, but it is not a disease to fly; it is the freedom of this world that awaits us. It will be more dangerous, but it will also be much more interesting. You will be able to suffer and enjoy, love and pain, the full life, not a life of only pain to die in loneliness, to die with a false hope. You can move forward, you can make it; there are many like us out here. It will hurt, but once you learn to fly, you won't even want to look back. My life only began at 24, I am just about to start studying at university. I didn't study because of that religion, but I know I will soon. These chains are not that strong; they are just too big to carry. Throw them off and come fly with us.
This is my history, my life, the start of my new life.
Thanks everybody, you rocks!