Here we are again in the shit stew that is the Fallowveil trailer park. We’ve got soul eating strippers, jobs that kill us, and plenty of weirdos, both the trailer trash and the potentially paranormal variety. It’s the place where even your own computer sometimes threatens to kill you. I can’t tell if I should be worried, or annoyed that all my neighbors have such irresponsible web habits. I know it’s not me that brings in all these machine wiping viruses.
So even though I got a system error that literally said “you’re useless and you should die” I’m less interested in that. Stupid thing. Like I don’t already know I’m useless. That’s not what I’m depressed about.
Well… I suppose it's tangentially related.
I hope anyone reading will forgive me. I’m feeling the sting of rejection right now. It was really stupid of me to ask. Especially now. Nobody here really likes me. They’ve only been nice to me as a courtesy because I was almost involved in a god damn shootout. And my idiot self decided that was the perfect time to push one of my few friends all the way away. Never ask your friends out on dates. It ruins everything.
So there’s this woman. I’ve talked about her in the past. Trista Ramone. She lives in the far back corner of the trailer park. You can instantly tell which unit is hers because she’s covered every square inch of the property with gardens and a rabbit hutch. The place usually has beads and colorful flags hanging on its walls as well. She’s kind of a right winger’s nightmare. I know some of those flags represent various lgbtq plus communities.
She and I have been friendly in the past. We’re both night shift workers. We crossed paths quite a bit going to and from work so we struck up a friendship over the years.
Let’s just ripped the band aid off. Recently I’ve started thinking I had… stronger feelings for Trista. I got stupid and decided to tell her about them. She wasn’t interested. I get why. We have very different lifestyles. I like meat, and she thinks the meat industry is murder. I’m not willing to give up meat, and she’s not willing to give up her beliefs. It's as simple as that. Now things are incredibly awkward with one of my closer friends and I’m still spiraling into self loathing, where I belong.
She swore up and down that she absolutely still wants to be friends with me, but I’m not sure I believe her. The look she gave me when I told her I’d like to ask her out. It looked like sadness, but a small part of me is convinced it was pity, or worse, disgust and loathing, and that small part gave me ever shuts the fuck up. But anyway, she gave me permission to write about her.
She is one of the creepy fixtures of our little neighborhood after all. She told me to make her seem as insane and scary as I possibly could and that she should get to kill me at the end. She also handed me a few of her high school yearbooks, advised me to chat with another neighbor of ours who she went to school with, and to only use creepy rumors for the rest.
Part of me is really willing to describe her as awful, but that’s just my anger. I don’t like that part of me. Trista’s not a bad person at all. She’s just weird and she doesn’t want to date me. God damn it, Petunia’s right. I need therapy.
So, I’ve told the story of the sexy, scary lady living in a polycule here in the trailer park. I think she’s got a bigger heart than she lets on. I’ve talked about the stories surrounding the Schroeder Slaughterhouse. Now let’s talk about the hippy everyone thinks is a vampire.
She’s a taller woman, maybe five-seven or eight, and she’s skinny. Her typical wardrobe is… interesting. Try to imagine your typical new-age hippy/stoner girl, wearing colorful sarongs, crop-tops, beanies, baggy sweaters, T-shirts with colorful sayings on them, sandals, boots woven from some sort of exotic plant, beaded necklaces, bracelets, a few too many piercings and some intricate tattoos. Can you picture that kind of person? Well, take that and dip them in “goth” dye. Everything is black, and contrasts to her pale white complexion, her eyes are this unusual violet color, and then make the woman wearing all that seem kind of depressed about something. That’s the look Trista has going on. Like if Wednesday Addams was forced to dress up for Hippy Day.
I’ve heard people call her an emo vampire, but as a former emo myself, she doesn’t fill out all the criteria. She doesn’t typically wear any super tight pants or cake on the eyeshadow. I guess she’s just Trista. It might sound weird (and it is) but the whole thing suits her. Her style, tattoos, and complexion all create this image of skinny vampiric waif with a mysterious past and a freaky sarcastic attitude and I found the whole thing… kinda hot.
Trista keeps to herself. She’s made the most out of her little corner of the trailer park. Like I said, she decked out her unit with garden squares, and a Rabbit pen. No idea why she’s allowed to do that. A lot of these places don’t allow pets. I heard she was also trying to put in a beehive too, but her neighbors are fighting her on that one. Our park is a bit too condensed for bees. She has a permit to grow hemp, but of course it’s not for recreational use. She treats it and uses it to weave things like handbags, clothes, and other stuff. There’s a consignment store in town that sells all kinds of things Trista has crafted herself. So she’s handy and self sufficient too. She paints, she carves wood, she weaves, she crochets, she sews, and who knows what else. She’s so good at her little crafts that apparently she’s able to support herself just selling them and working part time at the Moonlight Inn outside of town.
She’s also relatively friendly. I almost feel bad calling her weird, but here’s the thing, I’ve seen some REALLY weird shit. People jokingly call her a vampire, and she seems to embrace that, but part of me seriously wonders. The big clue is, like I mentioned, she’s completely nocturnal. She’s always asleep during the day, and every blind and curtain is drawn tight. The one time she came out during the day, she had on this full body suit with a helmet with UV glass and everything. Even then, she only showed up to give Petunia a hug, before leaving again.
That was the first time I saw Trista, come to think of it. I was kind of intrigued. It was kind of hard not to be when someone shows up to a community cookout in a freaking astronaut suit. I approached Petunia after she left.
“Who the heck was that?” I wondered.
“MASON! I’m so glad you could make it! You’ve been here about three months now! How’d that job interview go?”
“Oh. It went well. I might be doing janitorial work soon.”
“Night shift?”
“Maybe. I’m not sure.”
“If it’s the night shift, you’ll definitely meet the person who just left. That’s Trista. She’s the girl with the rabbits in the far corner. Poor girl. She’s got a really bad skin condition. Can’t let sunlight touch her.”
“Oh. Is she like… albino or something?”
“No, she’s got pigment. I don’t remember what the condition is called. I guess it started in high school or something. You’d have to ask her. And hey! If you work the night shift, you’ll probably get to chat with her!”
Petunia wasn’t wrong. I started working as a nighttime janitor for a number of local businesses. That was when I first started noticing the pale goth hippy. She rides around on a moped, with her dark hair and her sarong barely billowing behind her. I couldn’t see her face through the helmet, but she waved to me as she passed by.
The next time I saw her, she was jogging, but here’s where it gets weird. When I first stepped outside, all I saw was a blur. It actually startled me as I whipped toward it, but then there was this skinny tattooed pixie, somehow still looking like a stonehippy/vampire in jogging gear. I swear she was moving inhumanly fast when I first noticed her. That was when we introduced ourselves. She actually jogged over to say hello.
“Hey! You’re the new guy right?”
“Oh, uh, yeah. My name’s Mason!” I reached out to shake the pretty girl’s hand, like an awkward loser. She smirked and shook my hand. Her grip was weirdly strong, and a bit cold.
“I’m Trista. I’m the weirdo in the back with the rabbits.”
“Trista… oh, are you the one who has a thing with sunlight? I think Petunia mentioned you.”
“Yup! That’s me. Xerodoma pigmentosum. Sunlight hurts. I hate that it hurts.” She lamented.
“That’s gotta be rough,” I said sympathetically.
“You get used to it. You work at night?”
“Yeah. Works better for me.”
“I get that.”
And so on and so on. She’s pretty cool, with a bit of hilarious snark in there. And she secretly procured recreational weed she was willing to share. I kept working the night shift just hoping for another chance to talk to her and possibly buy a joint. Eventually she invited me over to share a joint. The inside of her place was actually pretty sparse and spartan compared to the outside. Though she was a fan of hanging beads. Most of the main room was taken up by her various crafting projects and supplies. Hemp weaves, some paintings, and even a wood carving of what I think was a rabbit, but it wasn’t anywhere near complete.
I followed her to her kitchen where she reached into the very back of her pantry and pulled out a shoebox. Inside was her stash, but there was something else which I found very strange. It was a pack of syringes and a thing I assume is to sterilize syringes. I know what you’re thinking, and that was my first thought too. It’s a poor neighborhood, the woman already smokes weed illegally, it’s not that big a shock that maybe she was involved in other drugs too. I decided not to ask at the time. We shared our joint, and we laughed, a lot. She made fun of me for being a lightweight, while I got completely hypnotized staring at the patterns of a shawl she had woven.
Months went by and we got closer, but I couldn’t forget those syringes. After a while I got worried. I’ve seen what heroine does to people. So the next time I went over to smoke and eat (vegan) pizza with her, I asked.
“Trista? Are you using anything other than weed?”
“Drugs?”
“Yeah.”
“No. Why?”
“You can tell me if you are.”
“Mason, sweetheart, I’m a stoner. I don’t fuck around with anything else and I never have.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Okay. Can I ask what that set of syringes are for?”
“Oh. In my stash box? Those are… part of my condition. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Oh. Is it like… embarrassing?”
“Yeah. So don’t ask. Can we just watch a movie?”
So I don't ask anymore. But I still have no idea what she does with those syringes. Based on what I read about that Xerodoma Pigmentosum thing she says she has, I have no clue what she would need to inject herself with.
Another time she asked me to check on her rabbits for her during the day, as her usual “sitter” had something come up. All I had to do was chop up the lettuce and carrots she left out. As I was enjoying the adorable fluffy faces, one of Trista’s neighbors, a woman named Bridget, poked her head outside her door.
“Hey. Do you know what Trista injects those rabbits with?”
“I… what?”
“I’ve seen her use syringes on those rabbits. She said she was just giving them medicine, but I swear I see her inject them every week.”
“I… I wouldn't know. She just asked me to feed them.”
“I love Trista, but that always seemed so weird. She has to know vaccines are a hoax!” I tuned the woman out after that one. My mind was on that set of syringes. Why would she be using them on rabbits? These things were her pets.
I was starting to crush on her by then. But I couldn’t help feeling weirded out by that. I was actually going to confront her, but the next time I came to visit, she was literally inside the Rabbit hutch, on her back, squealing with delight as her rabbit friends nuzzled and played with her.
“Bonnibelle! That tickles! Marcy! No chewing. Finn? Watch where you’re sticking that foot! Jake? Where are you? EEEEE Lumpy! Not the neck!”
It was as silly and adorable as it sounds. She was forced to whip herself upright when two of her little friends tried to burrow under her dress. She finally stood up with a laugh, cradling a rabbit in her arms and cooing at it.
There was just no way in hell this woman was doing anything that would hurt these animals. Bridget is a paranoid antivax weirdo anyway. If Trista was using syringes on the rabbits, I was convinced it was only for their benefit.
So life went on. I got more and more reclusive over the years. Petunia, Trista, and my next door neighbor Fred were the only things keeping me remotely connected to the outside. And so we get to now. So let’s see. What are the stories about the weird vampire woman?
Well, there’s the fact that she jogs at night, solo, in a poor neighborhood. Petunia keeps the shitty people contained and behaving for the most part, but I still wouldn’t exactly call it safe, especially for a young skinny woman. But she does it without a care in the world.
There’s one strange event that some people like to connect to this. I never knew this guy, but from what I hear he was a total weirdo who leered at anyone even remotely female. And this is despite the fact he was married. His name was Josh.
I remember him a bit. He’s the guy that Petunia chased away from one of her barbecues. Supposedly he was heard saying inappropriate things to the groups of ten year old girls that were playing in the bounce house Petunia rented. Telling them how pretty they were. Trying to coax them to take off their jackets. Police reports were filed but ultimately nothing could be proven. The guy's wife, Carole, always defends him for some reason.
But anyway, I remember hanging out with Trista one night a little over a year ago. She hadn’t gone jogging like she normally did. I asked her what was up with that.
“That weirdo, Josh has started catcalling when I pass his place. It weirds me out.”
“There aren’t other people who do that at night? I’m still shocked you jog alone.”
“Not like this. I can flip off a wolf whistler. But this guy… he keeps trying to get me to stop and talk to him, and when I don’t? He shouts about my ass. I’m gonna have to talk to Petunia about that shithead, if anybody can reign him in, it’s her.”
I’m gonna guess she never got a chance. Two days later, the whole town was awoken by sirens. I was getting ready for my shift when I heard them. I walked down the road a bit to see if I could figure out what was going on. The cops were heading toward the other side of the park, so I couldn’t see much. But I did notice Trista, in her jogging gear, skulking in the shadows. I wondered if she was in trouble. But before I could call out to her, she sprinted straight to Petunia's house and banged on the door. Petunia welcomed her inside, and that was all I saw. I still wasn’t sure what was going on, so I just shrugged and headed to work, figuring I’d text Trista later.
I didn’t learn till later that Josh was found dead. He was lying prone, face down, partly hidden by bushes at the edge of the park. His neck was cut open. He’d bled out rapidly. He had a knife in his hand, and officially it’s believed he fell on it and accidentally killed himself. There was a cocktail of drugs in his system so most people accept that explanation. But others swear they saw Trista out for her jog around the same time Josh would have been bleeding to death. She got questioned, and she swore she didn’t see anything. Without evidence, there was nothing else that could be proven.
Trista’s a friend. I know that guy was being creepy to her. So I’m happy to take her word for what happened, even if my seeing her going to Petunia’s pokes a bit of a hole in that. I can’t be sure it was Trista though. So I’m not saying a word. But if a certain creep attacked a certain lady who is rumored to be a vampire, it’s not that surprising to me that he ended up dead after bleeding to death. I’m not all that broken up about it.
I’m not the one spreading that story. Josh’s wife was the one who started the rumor. So now some people are even more convinced that the weird nocturnal hippy chick is secretly a vampire.
She’s no killer. No matter what they say. She would only have defended herself.
So that’s all the stories I’ve heard that have any credibility to them. There’s more people who swear she and Petunia perform weird rituals, and people who saw her moving “inhumanly fast” and such.
But now I have to share what I found in the yearbooks Trista gave me. I wasn’t really expecting much. I checked her senior yearbook out first. She looks about the same. Pale, goth, hippy, and sort of sad. She kind of looks even sadder in these photos if I’m being honest, but that’s high school for you. She graduated in the top half of her class, no sports or extracurriculars. I’m left wondering how she managed to go to school at the time of sun was so bad for her. I’ll have to ask her about that. So nothing really new there.
It was the yearbook from her junior year where things got really interesting. I was in shock when I found her. Trista is somehow impossible to miss, but unrecognizable all at once. She’s full of color! She wore more typical tie dye hippy attire. Bright vibrant pinks, reds, blues, greens, and yellows, in every photo, and holy shit was she busy. Captain of the soccer team, first chair flutist, president of the “green living” club and the “vegan alliance,” top ten in her class, it was all incredible. I think the main reason I didn’t recognize her was her skin. It was tan, as though she were out in the sun a lot. Furthermore there were photos of her playing sports and standing outside in bright sunlight.
It was like her disease wasn’t there, which confused me. She told me it was something called Xeroderma Pigmentosa. But that’s a genetic condition. She would have had that from birth.
I sent her a text, wondering about this.
- Hey! Just went through your yearbooks. What happened? You had color? Did you discover Linkin Park?
- My disease happened. Right at the end of Jr. year. That’s why I wasn’t there for the final class photo.
- But your disease is genetic… isn’t it?
- I guess it was dormant in me.
- So it just… happened?
- Pretty much.
- I’m sorry.
- I got over it. Mostly. It was hard. My parents were both hardcore vegan naturalists and we lived in a place that was all natural light and such, so I had to live in a shed for a bit while they built a space for me. But in my family? We kinda lean into whatever life throws at us. It took months of depression to come to terms with it. All of a sudden I couldn’t be out in the sun, and I had new dietary needs that absolutely required non-vegan sources. So I leaned into it. I was a vampire now. I can dig dark colors and “vampire style.” I could make it my own by avoiding leather. And I’d be as vegan as I possibly could.
- You’re kind of awesome.
- Damn straight. So I learned to love the night too and now, here I am.
I gained new respect for her after that. Frankly I feel kinda shitty about making fun of her for being a vampire. There might not be anything paranormally weird about her after all.
She sent me one more text telling me I should talk to a guy named Frankie. She’d gone to school with him. He’s a decent enough guy. Works in the Bicounty mall in town.
I had to wait a day or two for another of Petunia’s get togethers to talk to him.
“Hey!” I said awkwardly as I tried to figure out how to strike up conversation with someone I haven’t really spoken to in a long time. “Frankie, right?”
“Oh. Yeah. Been a while. How are you Mason? You okay after that whole thing at Red Nights?”
“I’m trying to be. Look, I’ll cut to the chase. You went to school with Trista Ramone, right?”
“Ol’ Boho Ramone? Yeah. We were sort of friendly. But I was a jerk to vegans back then. Why do you ask?”
“I’ve been hanging out with her. She’s being all mysterious.” He chuckled at that. “She said I should talk to you to learn more about her… weirdness? Everyone thinks she’s a vampire now.”
“She’s totally a vampire. I have no idea what else to call her?”
“Why do you say that?”
“What did she tell you about school?”
“Nothing. She just showed me two yearbooks. Between Junior and Senior year she went from colorful club president, to lonely vampire, because of her disease.”
“Nah man. I don’t want to talk bad about her. But she was kind of a bitch, junior year. She wasn’t just a colorful vegan. She was one of those “holier than thou” types who scoffed and talked down to anyone who dared to eat meat. Her “hippy” thing meant she never hung out with the popular girls but still, she acted like she owned the place at times. I was friends with this weird guy named Steven Jones. He was just kind of a weirdo. Skulking around in the background, you know? He HATED Trista. For a while I totally understood. I thought she was kinda stuck up. But this guy was like… irrationally enraged by that girl’s existence. I guess he tried to ask her out when he was a freshman and she politely declined. But he took that shit personally.”
“Huh. So like… why’s that matter?”
“Because Steven kept saying to anyone who gave him a second look, that he was gonna ‘ruin’ her. Never elaborated. But then the last month of school rolls around, Trista gets assaulted by an unknown assailant and a week later she’s got this new disease. Meanwhile, Steven spent a week strutting around the school looking smug, and saying ‘she got what she deserved.’ Then he disappears too. Teachers said he moved away.”
“She was assaulted?”
“Yeah. Someone in a face wrap tackled her while she was at one of her protests at the meat factory. The dude freaking BIT her.”
“Jesus.”
“Yeah. I was there. I came to the protest. I’ll admit I was trying to hit on Trista or one of the other girls there. But yeah. Dude dressed in all gray with a face wrap just charged in and went right for Trista. Knocked her down, bit her like a freaking zombie, then ran away before anyone could stop him. Didn’t even take his face wrap off. It was freaky, man.”
“What the actual fuck.”
“That’s what we all said. Trista needed a stitch. But while she was at the hospital, I guess she started getting more symptoms. She was out for the rest of the year. From then on, she was like she is now. Total vampire.”
“Was Steven a vampire?”
“I dunno. Probably. Little dickhead is what he is. Must have been him that attacked Trista, but nobody could prove it. Bite mark didn’t match or something. So why are you asking? You hang out with her at night right? You asking her out or something?”
“Oh. No. Just a friend.”
That was all I really learned from Frankie. It’s quite a story, and it’s full of unknowns that Trista refuses to explain. So I guess I’ll let readers be the judge. Is she a “real” vampire? Or just a weirdo? All I know is, she’s totally standing behind me right now and now I’m dead. Bleh.
I did come back to life to talk to Trista once I finished writing this. She enjoyed it. I may as well include that interaction.
I went to her place on my night off. She read my take on her and what the neighbors thought and she grinned. “Ha! I’m a total monster!” She chuckled. “So. What do YOU think, Mason? Am I a vampire?” She cocked an eye and playfully gnashes her teeth at me, making a pleasant little click.
I sighed. “No idea. You’re Trista. And… you’re my friend. I’m sorry if I made things awkward.”
She looked surprised by that. “Aw. Thanks Mason. You’re my friend too. It’s okay. I’m flattered.”
“You don’t have to explain.”
“So we’re cool?”
“Absolutely not. We’re both weird shut ins.” She laughed. It was good to hear her laugh. It made me happy.
“Yeah but I got the ‘mysterious vampire’ thing going.”
“You have dirt in your hair from rolling around with bunnies. And you’re a vegan.”
“Bite me.”
“Says the vampire.”
“You know, if I were a vampire, I could have bitten you when we both went to the slaughterhouses a few weeks ago.”
“That just makes me stupid.”
“You’re not stupid, Mason. You’re not a loser either.”
“So. You know of any other good spooky town stories that I can do next?
“Oh, sure. You ever heard the tale of Salome? She was a witch who would mash up the seeds of a Sinapis Alba plant to make a diabolical potion she’d dump on herself. They called her the ‘Witch of the Sands.’”
I’m embarrassed to admit it took me four days to realize Trista was just fucking with me. I only figured it out when I looked up Sinapis Alba and learned that mashing the seeds just makes mustard. “Salomi the sand-witch.” Well played, vampire hippy…
Sexy Neighbor
Haunted Slaughterhouse

Hi all! I (25F) need some help. I have a friend (24M), who I've known for about 5 or 6 years now that I met while working together. Originally I did'nt mind hanging out with him and we were pretty close when I was single and in college, no issues. However, over time I have noticed some behaviors that I don't think I can be around or deal with anymore. This friend has always been a little bit off in regards to reading social cues, not taking hints, doesn't know how to regulate his intake of alcohol/drugs, he still lives with his parents, never had a girlfriend, doesn't know how to do laundry/cooking/ any normal life skills, relies on me as one of his only friends, and I almost have to mother him because it's almost as if he's ignorant to things that almost anyone would think is common sense, etc. Now 2 years ago he got into some legal trouble, long story short he was accused of being verbally/physically inappropriate with an underage co-worker and harrassing her. The charges were dropped and nothing came of it as there wasn't any evidence of anything untoward and he had never phsically been around her outside of work or sent her anything innapropriate. I thought at the time, okay, must have been some misunderstanding, moved on. At the beginning of this year though, something similar happened again. This time with an older co-worker at his new job, she accused him of harrasment and that he would'nt stop messaging her on snapchat then instagram when she blocked him so she reported him to HR. Now I've never felt unsafe in his presence and never gotten a creepy vibe from him. However, now I'm thinking, one could be a miscommunication but 2 times is a pattern. I don't think he necessary does it on purpose but like I said the man does not understand social cues. But in my head, I think did you not learn anything from the first time something like this happened. Other than that kind of red flag, I've also just gotten done talking to him. I'm getting marrieed this year and will start having kids soon, and this is not a friendship that I feel comfortable taking any further in my life. We don't have anything in common anymore, he has no life skills or goals, asks me random inane questions that he could easily google, and I don't want to continue the friendship just out of guilt that he doesn't really have any other friends. Sorry this is so long. But how can I end the friendship while also saying hey you might want to work on these things and you maybe wouldn't be so off-putting to people? I've tried to limit contact but as I guessed, he isn't taking the hint and keeps texting/snapchatting me and my fiance if I take too long to respond. So, I'm gonna have to just outright say I don't want to be friends anymore. But, is there a way I could get that point across while also giving him some idea of why and things he might want to change in the future? I don't think he's a bad person, just oblivious. Sometimes I wonder too, if there is something in his brain that he just doesn't understand normal social boundaries and can't read people. His brother doesn't have any of these issues and is a completely normally functioning person with friends, skills, behavior, everything. I just don't know if he like should have been diagnosed with something at some point but wasn't and so has no skills to cope with it or what. Please help. I really don't want to be mean to him necessarily, just don't want him in my life anymore. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!!!!

I emotionally cheated on my partner of 5 years, with a friend I’d met online and have known for 1 year. My BP and I have been in a non-monogamous relationship for a while, but I had only started talking sexually to my friend for about 4 months. I am bisexual, and part of the purpose of our arrangement was to let me explore my sexuality before we get older. We are all in our early 20's. BP has also had the option to pursue other people. It has only been about 3 days since DDay.
I pursued my AP with my BP’s knowledge, but my relationship with them wasn’t exclusively sexual. I’d known I had been catching feelings for a while, and I was fully aware of what I was doing, even though I found it hard to admit: I was being very affectionate with them, texting with them almost as soon as I woke up, making plans to meet up with them IRL… I even started hiding Discord notifications so that BP wouldn’t see them when I received messages from them. I used pet names, possessively, and I told them I love them.
I unwittingly revealed the emotional affair to BP as I was trying to covertly manipulate my way into having the AP as a labeled partner. This is not the first time I’ve tried to change the rules of our arrangement to fit my selfish needs. I have had a pattern of unfaithfulness that I try to couch with my guilt and shame after facing my BP’s (deserved) anger and hurt.
Right now, the consequences of my actions have sent both my BP and AP into depressive episodes: both of them have talked about suicide ideation, and I myself have not stopped crying since the day my BP discovered the EA.
One of the conversations my BP and I had about our arrangement was about how I struggle with the idea of being sexually attracted to anyone that I don’t have an emotional attachment or connection with. But I know that this is but another rationalization, because one of the only concrete rules we had for our arrangement was to not fall romantically for anyone other than BP.
I have also had long standing issues with my self-esteem, and I was thrilled with the affection I had been giving and receiving from both my BP and AP.
My BP and I aren’t perfect. We have had problems throughout our 5 years, mainly with our communication. At the moment, we have also been finding it hard to schedule time for each other. BP is in college, while I have essentially dropped out and have the luxury of free time. I’ve spent a majority of that free time within that emotional affair.
None of these issues excuse my actions, however.
I genuinely care for both of them, but I am acknowledging that I acted on selfishness and a lack of respect for my BP. I know that nothing I’m feeling right now compares to what they are feeling.
I stepped out of the bounds of our relationship because I was confident that my BP would not mind/would not leave me. I rationalized that I was simply going along with the blurry boundaries of our non-monogamous relationship, that love was hard to define in the first place, or that I could be polyamorous, and this might be something I needed to pursue.
I know what I’ve done is incredibly wrong. I have put two people in harm’s way with my decisions, decisions I’d always (even subconsciously) known were going to lead to this. I had grown too used to compartmentalizing parts of myself/my feelings from my BP, I feel that this made it easier for me to hide my feelings for AP as well.
I am still honestly struggling with the idea of having to cut my friend off, even if it was the only ultimatum that my BP gave me when they discovered the affair. The fact that I hesitated, and wanted to give them closure, and stay friends with AP, hurt them even more.
Despite BP’s pleading, and despite my desire to completely prioritize BP, AP is in a very, very bad place, and begs me to stay their friend even though we can’t be romantic. We have had two very emotional phone calls about the situation even when I have been asked to go completely NC. I told them I loved them, and I do think my feelings are genuine, and I do not want them to die, but I believe a friendship between us would stay unhealthy due to everything. They live in another country and I don’t have many options besides reaching out to AP’s IRL best friend to try and help them through this, but I can’t emphasize enough how scared I am for AP due to other circumstances in their life.
I know, however, that I am most frightened by the idea of losing BP. I truly love them, and I see a future with them. We are LC right now, and I have had time to think about our relationship, and I’m certain that I am not just afraid of ending up alone. I want to make things work with them. But I have to accept that they may very well leave me, and it’s not just about what I want anymore. I must prioritize their mental and emotional health above all else, and find a way to make amends for what I’ve done.
BP deserves better. I have to give them full transparency, tell them the truth about my actions, how I felt about everything, and why I had done the things I did. I’m willing to hear how I’ve affected them as well and bear the brunt of their emotions. I have damaged their self-esteem, I have violated their trust again and again. I do not deserve to be loved the way that they do. I no longer want to save face or compartmentalize. If they hate me, if they find me disgusting, I will fully accept it.
I have to grow and change, and put an end to the harmful patterns that put the people in my life at risk. I’m scared, and I feel paralyzed, and I can’t afford therapy or counseling (and BP does not believe in couple’s counseling) but I’m not sure what else to do. I know it’s big talk, but I don’t want it to just be that forever.
I’ve been lurking on this sub since DDay and I’m welcome to hear anything from anyone, really. I know that subs like this one and AOAI are primarily occupied by people who have been married for decades, but I'm hoping it wouldn't hurt for someone like me to post about my situation. I'm hoping there is hope.
Thank you so much for reading this far.

(Art by my lovely friend, u/imnot_depressed)

Hello, im 28
so Im very confused about peoples perception about me and how I stop enforcing this.
It started early on in school, that I had the bullying problem. I got joked about constantly and had some stupid nicknames. I got beat on my arms and thrown to the floor occasionally. This lasted for like 2-3 years and kinda vanished when I was like 15-16. Probably because one of them said "look he defends himself", which was the hint I needed probably. They also grew out of it.
Most of the time they were my "friends". I also noticed, they had no problem with me when I hang out with them alone. One of my friends before school also made fun of me in groups, while actually being my best buddy.
I didnt feel disliked or wrong, I just didnt get the reason. I tried to solve the issue at that time. I never had any issues with my abilites or skills or thought I deserved this treatment.
I found out the violent ones, got beat by their parents. My best buddy was jealous of me going to a "better" school (parents talking). Jealousy got confirmed on other ocassions as well, but that wasnt the only reason. I just attracted to much attention by bad social skills, blabbering about my interests to much and also didnt defend myself. I found out about autism a year ago only. My self-esteem is much better now, but probably there is this CPTSD... I feel kind of in danger but Im really not. Fearing others seems to be perceived as low self-esteem for men, I believed having lower self-esteem then I actually had a long time. I mean its what I think of myself right?
Today I still feel like people are generally either not interested or really fascinated about me. At the same time I dont get respected in groups much alot either case. I know/think I have to defend myself if someone jokes verbally, but that is really hard kind of. Also not going to far, because jokes are "just meant funny" yknow.
Why are they so clueless about others perception of me? Im very open about myself and dont hide the many bad things that happened even in my adulthood. People are very honest to me and thats alot of their fascination I guess, just speaking about things they usually cant. They dont really understand that everyone else thinks the same. I feel like they dont want to like me and dont think others do too. Ive had or thought girls being attracted to me, but I didnt get it early enough or they didnt pursue it. Im very careful approaching girls myself, because I might harass them missing non-verbals.
Ive had very intense friendships and one relationship(4years). My potential is often spoked about, which today I recognise as my talent and probably the way they want me to use it. Also its neutralizing the compliment kind of. It ends pretty bad most of the time and I get demonized alot, still getting attention, but without talking to me in person. Ive done and received alot of toxic stuff. I dont want to be toxic, but its hard.
I guess I shouldnt let people open up to much in private, when they cant take it in public. But I really love this trait of me..
Any tips to break this pattern? Im likeable, but get perceived as not? Why are they ashamed or are they? Obviously most dont care. Which is fine. But when they do, it goes bad soon enough.

Wow! This turned out so long and was helpful to write when I was feeling really really awful an hour ago. Here it goes:
I’ve been following this page and a few others once I saw information on video game addiction a few months ago. I saw my family and step-son in so many of the stories, my heart and mind was transformed. I don’t feel alone and my son is certainly not alone in his struggles. To be honest I’m scared to start this new journey, and I’ll get to that more later.
I always knew something was different about my step-son’s gaming, and it’s been a struggle since 2-3 years old based on what his Dad has told me. Here’s a bit of a background of our family dynamic.
Jake had Pete when he was 19 and never had a relationship with Mom, Kate. They split custody and it was evident she was using hard drugs and lost full custody of Pete when he was 9. A lot of his time with Mom was spent on an iPad without regulation as early as 2. Routines, locations, and security was not always present. It’s tough to think about the severity of what Pete experienced. At this time school was difficult, and Pete was diagnosed with ADHD. Meds helped a lot, and once Jake had full custody he was all about routine routine routine, healthy foods, activities, table top games nightly, camping, you name it! His passion for being a single Dad to Pete is why I ultimately fell in love with him two years later. When I started hanging out I noticed Pete playing a lot of games and not being the sporty type or hanging out with friends. By this point he was playing Minecraft after school and on the weekends pretty regularly. Jake was a good video game police officer and we still had a ton of time together as a new family. Pete is kind and very easy going and we started a great relationship fairly quickly. Jake and I agreed and often disagreed about the severity of Pete’s gaming, but we would come together and set some house rules and go on with life. As soon as we got busy, Pete would dive deep into computer games and grades would drop. We would see feces in his underwater, lack of hygiene, not getting up, laptop under his pillow, exc. Almost like clockwork by spring break, we’d have this intense struggle and Pete would pull it together for the semester at the very last minute. Pete is gifted and was always in accelerated math and science glasses, but was able to do the bare minimum without studying. Repeat for the next 3 years. Fast forward to High School he went to a smaller school in a new town and actually saw more independence. He made a friend, Dan who’s still around and is everything you’d hope a friend would be to your kid. Their bond is awesome. We’d still have to police but things were getting easier and we weren’t seeing those intense “downs” like we were in elementary and middle school. I think he was more confident and even his teachers said he was crushing it! The summer was tough and we tried to fill his time up but nothing seemed to interest him. If he hung out with friends and was hygienic we just made nudges about time limits. Thinking back I think there was one more period where we found feces in his underwater end of Senior year and gaming picked up, probably because we dropped our guard.
Summer before college I got him set up with an awesome outdoor job working on a zipline/climbing course and he thrived in Pete’s type of way. Climbing is one of the only things I can suggest to Pete and he’ll usually show some interest. Confident, peppy, excited, getting himself up. Always going back to games everyday but maintaining work, a friendship, and a little independence is what we wanted so left him alone most of the home time. We nudged him into a climbing retreat as an incoming freshman to give him a head start making friends, and a clear head going into the dorms! Scary fun times, and thought it would help. Then we officially dropped him off. Wow, so many smiles and happy tears had by all. The light in his eyes and showing us around and saying how cool he felt it was probably the happiest day of our lives along with my wedding day. The day I read vows to Pete saying I’d be there forever and unconditionally. It felt like my son was ready for his future. As we were driving away Pete said his friend gave him a gaming computer for free and he was at the tech center getting it hooked up to the campus internet. Dun dun dun.
Today he’s 2 weeks into his first summer break after a year of college. Yikes. Things are not great and that’s why I am here.
It was Spring Break (here comes the pattern) and Pete was gaming, not verbally making much sense, unhygienic, lost weight, gaming non stop. He almost missed his 2 hour bus ride back to school and that’s when we snapped. The typical what the hell is going on, you’re out of control. Pete usually cries when this happens because he knows the gig is up. Eventually he told us the truth, he failed two classes his first semester (told us winter break he did fine) and is now on track to fail another science and lab. WHAT!! We drove out there the next day to meet with the dean because he told us he was on probation and we wanted to support him. We were so worried. It turns out he hasn’t had any social interaction other than winter and spring break and spent his days alone in his dorm. He didn’t even seem like himself it was so scary. We get there and we spent two days walking, going out to eat, the typical “you got this buddy” “just stop playing games for a bit” and insert the other 100 life sayings you want to say to your kid that sound so annoying to them. We can’t help it. We love him. He was like yep I got this, nodded through all of it and we left. Three weeks later we noticed on the phone things were sounding off again, and he confessed he hasn’t made up any of his work. His Dad got disappointed on the phone and Pete said he called the suicide hotline because he was getting “yelled” at. I was standing there, he wasn’t yelling but I’m sure just the sheer reality of the situation got to him. We were heart broken, and at the same time angry. We couldn’t believe he was feeling this much anxiety and possibly depression. We always knew gaming was an escape and most likely due to his background, but this just seemed too much for anyone to handle. Again, he promised to limit himself. We checked in everyday for the last three weeks not with a nag but just, how’s it going. Did you set a timer today? Amazing that’s great you’re so close to being done!! Just trying to keep it super positive. We knew it was totally out of our control. He failed, and actually never made up the work his professor said he could over a month prior. He lied more.
We knew something had to change and we were preparing his return home. Can we do game quitter? Can we just put him right into a detox in our home? Family therapy? Healthy gamer? Olganon? We wanted to smash his computer trust me, if it weren’t for my job I wouldn’t have wifi because my stomach is in knots. But, we decided relationship first, let him set his own limits (with our house rules) and really try to get to the root cause of anxiety and depression. We had good convos, we let him tell us how it’s basically all of our fault because of the pressure, no judgement. We communicated with notes and texts sometimes when things were getting frustrating. He skirted around the 3 hour daily limit every possible way. All he wants to do is play video games, watch to tube of video games, talk to “friends” on discord about games, play D&D online, or draw D&D characters. It’s just too much, it’s impossible to limit. He always had an excuse for a screen and we were still seeing 10+ hours a day on screens. He told us he’s feeling crappier everyday by us, and honestly we’re feeling freakin awful and exhausted too.
What now? Nothing. I’m literally doing nothing anymore starting today. I can’t stop crying. He won’t do his own research into gaming addiction and does not want to change. Today we just said ya know what, this isn’t working so we’ll just figure something out in a few weeks. At this very moment he’s going on hour 9 of gaming straight. Knowing how much we tried as a family to limit this for the last few weeks. I’m still angry and it’s hard to look at him right now. It feels personal to me? I know it isn’t, but it just feels that way.
Therapy!? Yep. We tried. Back when he was in middle school and high school. Didn’t want to go back and didn’t talk much. He got his own therapist at school per the deans suggestion and he goes but the one session he’s had at home, he got off within 30 minutes and said “he didn’t have much to talk about with her” and he’ll see her maybe once a month back at school. We are doing healthy gamer coaching as parents, but he is refusing to sign up for coaching on his end. My guess is the name alone. The risk of losing games is not something he’d ever discuss right now. I swore up and down they won’t make him get rid of games lol! Did not work.
What’s dad doing? Half. Literally half at all times we make a plan at night and in the morning and check in with each other about it all day long. It’s so exhausting and Jake is just ready to do whatever it takes at this point as well. He’s having the same struggles as I am and is 100% convinced it’s an addiction and has listened to a lot of podcasts exc.
My new plan…. Because I have to have “something” or I might blow up. Now I have to let natural consequences take the lead. He doesn’t have a license, because he couldn’t pick up driving skills with how his brain is on games. We tried teaching him for two years and it was honestly dangerous sometimes after a “bender. He asked me to go tomorrow and after 9 hours I’m just going to say I’d feel more comfortable if he went to driving school and he can pay with the money he earns this summer. It j=is just not safe, why does he deserve to take my car and put me in an unsafe position? I don't have to allow that... but it feels like I am still the bad guy. Looking forward, IF he fails college....when he is home he cannot have our wifi, will contribute to groceries, phone bill, and rent. We live in a rural area and without a car he can’t work. I will not be driving a 20 year old to and from work due to his brain on games. It feels wrong. Maybe he can’t support his habit without working. That’s all the “what ifs” but rarely does life go exactly how you picture it. We will just continue to get creative and roll with it.
Does anyone have any advice on how to not enable but also let them be in charge of their own destiny? Not saying anything or giving him a sad look feels impossible but I did it tonight. J was able to pretend it did not bother me that he’s been on there forever. I think I can keep that up? But I also don’t want to enable him.
My family is hurting so much. So many hugs to anyone who struggled and is currently struggling. Same to the parents who have that knot that won’t go away. Thanks for reading

She's much younger than me and in a relationship, but we worked together quite closely last year and it just happened. I didn't even take it seriously at first until it was full blown thinking about her every single day, day and night. I just loved how it felt being in her company, the only time I felt remotely normal or happy I guess. She's more extrovert than me, and much more confident, but we have common interests and values. It felt like she understood me on a level most people don't.
Anyway, I got another job so I thought it would take care of itself. Hated it there though, and found myself slipping into depression. I quit after a few weeks and returned to the other job. I avoided her for a while when I came back, because she'd messaged me to ask how the new job was going and when I explained how much I was struggling she ignored me. It wasn't unusual for her to ignore my messages, in fact it happened quite often, she'd explain it away by saying she was "busy" and I wouldn't make a big deal out of it but this time it hurt. She'd also regularly make promises she wouldn't keep, plans she wouldn't stick to. But obviously I'd put her on this massive pedestal so I didn't recognise this behaviour for what it was.
Eventually we bumped into eachother and she seemed pleased to see me back. We planned to catch up at some point. Though a few days later I messaged her to say I needed some space and admitted my feelings for her had become too strong. She was okay with this. But I found that we kept bumping into eachother after that, and it was starting to feel awkward, so we knocked that on the head after about a week.
We still hadn't had a proper convo at this point, so I asked if we could meet up on her break one day. She agreed. Instead she chose to spend it with someone else, without telling me. Bear in mind I was on a 12hr shift this day and working flat out, it would have been nice to at least know she'd taken hers so I could take mine. Sure, jealousy was a factor, but it was more the lack of consideration. So when I saw her later that day, probably for the first time in our friendship, I let it be known she'd upset me. She denied that I'd made her uncomfortable by admitting feelings, wasn't very apologetic about it and walked off.
She stopped speaking to me after this, said my reaction was uncalled for. I did threaten to leave, not to make her feel bad but because I genuinely can't stand the feeling of tension at work. It would have been the same with anyone. My efforts to reconnect with her after this failed, she'd walk past me like I didn't exist.
All the while my mental health was plummeting massively, and so a couple of days after Christmas I set out to take my own life. I sent out several goodbye messages to several people that day, hers was pretty long. I went into great detail about how much I loved her and why. Of course never for a second did I think I'd have to face her again after sending this.
Anyway, I didn't get very far in my bid because I got too drunk before I could do anything stupid and was found by a member of the public. Her response to all of this was to cut me off (block me), stop talking to me and not even so much as ask how I was doing when I returned to work. I meanwhile started therapy and a stronger dose of antidepressants which got me to a slightly better place inside my head.
I decided to work around her shifts to make this easier on us both, but this was proving increasingly difficult, I was having to do a really horrible shift pattern. I also found that having to look up her hours and tweak mine to fit still involved me having to think about her, so it wasn't really solving the problem.
I got my line manager to arrange an informal chat, if she was willing which she was. I thought if we could have a heart to heart she might come around. She showed zero warmth to me throughout, and I wasn't getting through it felt like or she was holding back somewhat. I apologised for the upset I caused her that day. She explained that she cut me off because the messages were getting "too much" and her boyfriend wouldn't like it, ignoring the obvious context of me being out of my mind and suicidal. I accepted this anyway and said I didn't really need her number but can we at least try again as work friends, she agreed but only if we take things slow.
A week later, I tried to make the situation better by giving her money. Quite a lot of money. I felt like I'd ruined her Christmas, and I wanted to help her replace those bad memories with some better ones. Her and her boyfriend could go on a nice holiday or whatever, that was my thinking. My intentions were good but it backfired massively, she was totally freaked out by this and stopped talking to me again. The money was handed in to my bosses, so I had to explain myself to them as I sheepishly came to collect it. They were sympathetic.
I tried to respect her wishes and stay out of her way after this, as I heard the fact that I kept giving the money back wound her up. This only happened about twice, and only because it felt like she wasn't properly considering it. She also gave it back through the duty manager at the time instead of directly to me.
Fast forward about two or three weeks, I needed help with a work task. The manager on duty at the time said he could only spare me one person which was her. We approached her, she seemed fine with it. 10 minutes later he comes back, "oh, there's been a change of plan and I need her to do something else, you can have someone else in 2 hours." Naturally I saw through this, so I approached her to confront her about it, to reassure her I just wanted help with something and I wasn't looking to reconcile, but she refused to talk to me. Said her family wouldn't like it - one of her cousins works in the same building and was on shift at the time.
This was probably the second worst moment of my life. Someone I adored with all of my heart had such a low opinion of me they didn't want to talk to me at all, work in close proximity to me, and her family thought I was some kind of monster capable of causing their daughter great harm.
I quit the job there and then and walked out. As I came out, she was stood by the exit with the duty manager talking. He said goodbye, she said nothing, didn't even look at me. I went on a long drive to clear my head, came back to find police at my door concerned for my welfare. After a meeting with my boss the next day I agreed to stay on, but only due to a lack of options. They refused to transfer me to another site, said the situation wasn't serious enough yet.
Since then I have worked around all but one of her shifts but I still think about it constantly. I carry this enormous sadness around with me, guilt and shame, but also this fear that I'm going to bump into her again and how that will feel. I don't want to think about it anymore, so my natural inclination is to want to leave, but the jobs market is poor, mentally I'm not ready and all the friends I have in the world work there and I need them close right now.
How do I get past it? How do I stop feeling so down about someone who couldn't give less of a f--k? It's ridiculous, and yet I'm powerless to do anything about it. Every day is like groundhog day in my head. I know I didn't behave perfectly by any means, the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt her in any way and I did, but losing her feels like punishment enough. Why do I have to suffer daily reminders on top of that? It's just horrible. And I don't see a way out.

I (21f) have an ex best friend (John-22m) who I’ve known for 15 years. We were incredibly close and my family took him in as his family situation was less than stellar. He went no contact with his remaining family in 2019.
Last year, he started dating his guy (Bob-20m) who immediately made me feel uncomfortable. He was constantly making weird jokes and had no boundaries. He would eat my food and use my stuff instead of buying his own or using John’s. At one point he took one of my t shirts out the dryer to wear because he spilled something on his own. When I told him to take it off because it’s mine, he had a tantrum and went on an hour and a half walk around our city, refused to talk to John and returned with booze and cigarettes as it was the ‘only thing to calm him down’. This behaviour quickly became a pattern. Whenever I said no to him, he’d get in a mood. On top of this, I noticed many red/orange flags in how he treated John which made me concerned. I tried to talk to John about it, but he dismissed it as ‘bob just has mental health issues, you don’t know him like I do’. It became such a point of contention that I began to despise Bob and John for still being with him.
Our friendship ended when I noticed Bob had stolen my cigarettes (he didn’t even try to hide it, my pouch was on the counter next to his bag) and I took them back. When he saw my stuff was missing, he got very angry and started shouting at me and it got physical (on his end).
John, to my surprise, was not on my side. He said I shouldn’t have messed with Bob's stuff and I deserved whatever happened. I ended the friendship then and there and it caused drama in our friend group (luckily, they were all on my side).
It's been 4 months and my family have basically iced out John completely but my mum still has his number as she was essentially a surrogate mother for 10+ years. She got a text from John a few days ago saying he had been fired from his job and couldn't pay his rent and had no where else to go. Him and Bob were also on the rocks. My mum came to me about the situation and asked how I'd feel about John staying for a few days. I said I never wanted to see John again especially as he hasn't apologised.
But now John is making tons of posts trying to find somewhere to live and being passive aggressive to me. And now people who I thought were friends are saying I'm being heartless.
I am admittedly a huge people pleaser so I can't tell if I'm being dramatic here or not. So, AITA for ‘being heartless’ and ‘not allowing’ my ex best friend to be comforted by my family during a crisis?

Hello guys, I've been trying to typify myself but I always identify with different functions and maybe my compression is not the best in the subject.
I'm a girl and I'm 21 years old, English is not my main language so sorry for any mistakes.
Section 1
How do you work? Why do people go to work? Are there any parameters that determine whether you can do work or not? What are they?
I work because I have no choice, that's how the world I was born is and that's how I'm going to live, I admire those who try to change the course of things like a superhero but I'm a mere citizen.
Because people have dreams and goals and they can't achieve what they want without money unless they're lucky enough to be born into an elite family, if so they won the lucky roulette wheel of life.
I don't work well in heavy environments, I survived only 1 day in a factory because a woman keep screaming at me, everyone tried to convince me to try harder but I was feeling to overwhelmed.
How do you determine the quality of work? How do you determine the quality of a purchase? Do you pay any attention to it
Result.
I'm a bit picky with the quality of my stuff, especially the fabric of my clothes. It's because of comfort but also for aesthetics.
There is a professional next to you. How do you know they are a professional? How do you evaluate their skill?
They get the job done on time and well done. I don't think there's only one way to do things, we are all taught in a certain way but then we also adapt, we end up creating our own way of doing things that work for us.
If you struggle to do something, how do you fix that? Do you know if your performance is better or worse than others?
It depends, I usually learn by trying until it works but I can't always use this technique so I seek tutorials or ask for help.
Definitely, I'm very paranoid about my job, I hate feeling incompetent. If I have the conditions and knowledge to take the initiative to do something at work, I'll do it, but if I'm insecure then I'd rather stay quiet I don't want to mess things up.
How do you measure the success of a job? What standard do you use? Do you pay attention to it? When should you deviate from this standard?
I like easy jobs, constant stress is not for me. Easy, the money, the free time I will have, the responsibilities (few I expect) and the effort.
Section 2
What is a whole? Can you identify its parts? Are the parts equivalent to the whole?
I'm so confused, am I supposed to give a definition or come out with some abstract sentence?
What does "logical" mean? What is your understanding? Do you think that it correlates with the common view? How do you know you are being logical?
Logic to me is something that makes sense, when your actions and words are coherent and when you take into account all the factors to make a correct decision. Contrary to what the Alphas may believe, Logic is not coldness, in fact, to be completely logical you have to take the emotions of others and your own into account, otherwise you are just emotionally unavailable. For example, killing half the population just because someone killed your cat is not logical, you're actually being driven just by emotions.
What is hierarchy? Give examples of hierarchies. Do you need to follow it? Why or why not? Explain how hierarchy is used in a system you are familiar with.
In short, it's when you're on the first floor and need to climb the stairs to get to the second, you may be able to pay someone to build an elevator to get up there faster, or you can't afford it and you have to overcome all the conditions, shortness of breath, pain in your legs, the stairs that are old and falling apart...
Hierarchy is something natural and will always exist, no matter how much you hate it, the world is not a fair place and there will always be someone eating fried chicken in a lamborghini at the expense of a child who makes clothes for shein.
If you're ambitious you have to do it, but if you're like me who just want to have money to live a "basic life", then you don't need to climb so many stairs, just the necessary ones.
What is classification? How does classification work? Why is it needed and where is it applied? Give examples.**
Is when you take a product, tangible or not (e.g. a bread or skills) and give it a certain punctuation/category according to certain requirements.
Obviously, imagine that you built a building made of toothpicks (product) that would collapse 1 minute after being exposed to the wind because no one had the brilliant idea to take into account the meteorological conditions (requirement)
Are your ideas consistent? How do you know they are consistent? How do you spot inconsistency in others' ideas?
I'm usually an introspective person, so even when my ideas are incoherent I think about them at some point and "correct" the incoherence, unless I'm really emotional I think that during those moments no one is coherent.
Yes, but I usually prefer to keep quiet if it's none of my business.
Section 3
Can you press people? What methods do you use? How does it happen?
Usually no, first of all I don't like to force anyone to do anything because I don't like to be forced either, second that I'm not good at forcing people especially strangers and it's the main reason to have been bullied and still have problems with people walking over me.
What I do is that I tell the advantages of doing something the way I want or admit that it would be convenient for me.
What can happen is when I do something for a person over and over again and they never reciprocate, and there is when I can be a manipulative and childish (passive-agressive)
How do you deal with opposition? What methods do you use to defend your interests?
It depends on the situation, I react badly if it's the example I gave earlier. If someone starts trying to control me indirectly, I can react two ways, or I play dumb for the sake of peace or the manipulation goes directly against my interests and in that case I walk away (with strangers) or protest (people close to me).
When do you think it's ok to occupy someone's space? Do you recognize it?
When they occupy yours is the only situation I can think of right now.
Do others think you are a strong-willed person? Do you think you have a strong will?
I don't know what others think.
It depends if it's about something I'm sure I want, for example a lot of people say I'm crazy for wanting to leave the country but I made that choice for myself and that's what I'm going to do, if I don't change my mind until then (which usually doesn't happen). Otherwise I think I can be seen as lazy, I need a very strong motivation that comes from myself.
How do you satisfy your physical senses? What examples can you give? What physical experiences are you drawn to?
I really like hot baths and pleasant smells. I'm a bit paranoid about my own smell, I'm always putting on deodorant for example.
On the other hand I'm not very good with my internal health, I have to force myself to remember to drink water and food is optional, I don't usually eat breakfast and especially at work I only eat salty snacks or soup most time. I tend to eat more when I want to be greedy or have food available, if I have to do it then I don't eat or I make something simple. I have a friend who judges me for it (I think she has strong Si).
I like some extreme activities, for example I've done canoeing which I loved and every summer I go to the scariest carousels at the fair, I feel free.
How do you find harmony with your environment? How do you build a harmonious environment? What happens if this harmony is disturbed?
I like quiet environments where everyone is genuinely fine and not pretending, so if any of my friends are feeling bad I try to help them. I also like to go to beautiful places with friends or alone like organize a picnic, go to a waterfall...
What does comfort mean to you? How do you create it?
Being in a place alone where I don't need to be anxious all the time, where I can let my guard down, eat sushi while listening to the sound of the rain in warm pajamas and under my blanket creating some fake scenario on my head.
How do you express yourself in your hobbies? How do you engage yourself with those things?
When I was a kid I tried to start playing piano but I dind't last long because It requires a long time to get results and I didn't want to practice at home. I prefer simpler hobbies without commitments, for example playing video games, painting, reading books, and trying new hobbies.
I'd really like to start trying to go to craft classes, but short classes to then be able to try another one until maybe I find one that suits me.
Tell us how you'd design any room, house or an office. Do you do it yourself, or trust someone else to do it? Why?
If I had the money I would call someone to take care of the big part, I would tell them exactly what I want, then I would just take care of the details.
Is it acceptable to express emotions in public? Give examples of inappropriate expression of emotions
That's not a question of being acceptable or not, emotions can't always be controlled, you never know what someone is going through behind the scenes.
But I admit that I prefer people who don't show emotions in an dramatic way, for example in my work there are a lot of people who start screaming and who are clearly exaggerating and I have to control myself not to laugh.
I'm mostly touched by people who are more reserved with their emotions because I identify with them.
How do you express your emotions? Can you tell how your expressions affect others in a positive or negative way?
I never had emotional support so I like to deal with my emotions alone.
I don't know if I consider myself a very emotional person , I have my moments where I start crying for many different reasons because I kept a lot of things inside me, I also have days where I'm in a very bad mood without knowing why and I start being mean to close people.
I'm a very private person, I don't like exaggerated demonstrations, a lot of "i love you" and compliments make me bored and seem fake.
Are you able to change your demeanor in order to interact with your environment in a more or less suitable way? How do you determine what is suitable?
These questions make me think that I don't know myself that well.
I think so, I know how to dress up and not talk about inappropriate things even if I make some mistakes, like smiling in the middle of a funeral because my colleague told a joke or showing involuntary annoyance when someone try to do a lot of small talk with me.
In what situations do you feel others' feelings? Can you give examples of when you wanted to improve the mood of others?
I am fickle in many aspects of my life, empathy is one of them, sometimes I have a lot and sometimes I don't have any. It really depends on my relationship with people and how much I like their personality. I'm very suspicious of other people's motives.
My father doesn't usually cry a lot and he's not manipulative at all. I suspect he's a Lse or sli, so when he cries I know it's real and it affects me, in other hand my mother is manipulative and when she starts crying I always think it's fake or that she deserves it (maybe she is a iei).
Section 6
How can you tell how much emotional space there is between yourself and others? How can you affect this space?
Complicated, I wouldn't say I'm completely blind to how others feel about me, but I'm definitely very pessimistic and because of that I like to be reassured about what my loved ones think about me.
I'm very suspicious of others and sometimes I start overthinking that everyone hates me or wants to hurt me. As soon as a friend has a more negative reaction, sometimes because of their own problems that have nothing to do with me, I get hurt or I start trying to guess what they are thinking about me and as you can imagine it's almost always negative. Although now I'm starting to try to be less negative because you never know what others are thinking or feeling.
How do you determine how much you like or dislike someone else? How does this affect your relationships?
By personality, values, way of seeing the world, I like people I identify whit and I can trust. People with character that I consider dubious I try to not interact.
I have a very small group because I have a set pattern, at the same time they are different obviously but what unites us is that we are all very open-minded and we don't like to meddle in other people's lives.
How do you move from a distant relationship to a close one? What are the distinguishing characteristics of a close relationship?
We start talking, I like what they are about and it's that simple. Sometimes it takes me 3 months to consider someone a friend, other times I only see the person 3 times and I already know I can trust them.
It has happened once that I stayed in a "friendship" because I wanted company at school, but I stopped seeing him as a friend and started seeing him as an acquaintance.
How do you know that you are a moral person? Where do you draw your morality from? Do you believe others should share your beliefs on what's moral? Why?
I am a moral person in my own criteria. There are people who follow the morality of religion, others follow the morality of a group... Some of them I consider wrong and stupid, but I just don't make friends with these people and it's as simple as that.
The only thing that everyone should do is to respect others because it made life easier for everyone and it's such a simple thing if everyone does it.
Someone you care about is acting distant to you. How do you know when this attitude is a reflection of your relationship?
I don't know, it depends on the situation.
But I try not to take it personally (don't mean that I don't take it, on the contrary but I try to suppress it). What I do is that I ask what happened or i leave them alone. I don't like is chasing after others so I've ended friendships without knowing why, the person just stops talking to me and I take that as a sign.
Section 7
How can you tell someone has the potential to be a successful person? What qualities make a successful person and why?
I would say that one of the things is to have the ability to always be ahead of others, to have that special touch that some people have.
Where would you start when looking for a new hobby? How do you find new opportunities and how do you choose which would be best?
I already have ideas of hobbys that I want to try, so I would look in my internal library and choose the one that I felt like doing. I like manual and simple activities (I'm not an artist) I've done canoeing and I don't hate extreme activities, but I don't think it's considered a hobby and I don't know if I would do it that often either.
How do you interpret the following statement: "Ideas don't need to be feasible in order to be worthwhile." Do you agree or disagree, and why?
Ideas have to start somewhere, at first they may not make sense, but then when more ideas come up and they are molded, they can become a possibility. Or maybe people just want to come up with crazy ideas and that's okay too.
Describe your thought process when relating the following ideas: swimming, chicken, sciences. Do you think that others would draw the same or different connections?
I didn't make any connection, unlike the guy I took this questionnaire from. I just read the sentences and nothing else.
How would you summarize the qualities that are essential to who you are? What kind of potential in you has yet to be actualized and why?
The part that I fear the most, having to describe myself even more with qualities (gives me the impression that I'm bragging). This is going to feel more like a list than a text, sorry for the disappointment. I'm faithful, I like to make people's lives easier (if they haven't done me wrong), I strive to do what I promised, I hate being in debt.
I definitely have to improve my charisma and try to get along with new people more until I get used to it and don't get so bored.
Section 8
How do people change? Can you describe how various events change people? Can others see those changes?
Everything changes people, the personality you have today was the result of all the moments of your life and also of your brain (parts more or less developed and this also affects).
We're always changing every day, it's just that we're so used to the changes that sometimes we don't even notice it.
Sometimes I go through a similar situation that has happened before and I see how much I have changed in the way I deal with the problem.
How do you feel and experience time? Can time be wasted? How?
I think time is the most powerfyl weapon, you learn to deal with things with time, time brings peace but also chaos, time makes life evolve both positively and negatively, time kills you but also brings life. Time is truly the most important thing there is, when a certain moment passes you can no longer go back and fix things.
It all depends on the point of view, today you can consider it something important but later you see that it was a waste of time, the important thing to keep in mind is to think about the future because what has already happened cannot be changed.

• Don't typify me according to clichés, thank you.

Is there anything that cannot be described with words? What is it? If so, how can we understand what it is if language does not work?
Language is limiting, you can indulge feelings in others through sentences but you are never sure how others will interpret it.
I would say feelings and experience is one of the things, you have to go through them and let others go through too.
How do you anticipate events unfolding? How can you observe such unfoldments in your environment?
I don't really know, I think from what has already happened, from the people involved, from myself.
I sometimes tend to try to predict things and I like to be prepared for all eventualities because it makes me feel safer, but I also know that predictions are not 100% certain. I've missed opportunities because of this.
In what situations is timing important? How do you know the time is right to act? How do you feel about waiting for the right moment ?
It depends on when I've decided it's time to act.
I'll use the example of my driver's license, I started getting my license 1 year before the end of school but then I decided to finish school first to focus on my license after (also out of laziness I admit). My parents bothered me a lot because I needed to get the license but I only did it when I saw that I needed it to work and I couldn't leave it for later anymore (can expire). It was a bad choice, but I needed a reason to have motivation.
I finally finished this, I couldn't take it anymore. Thank you for reading this far ;)

I am wondering if it's just me or if anyone else feels shame from having to go to therapy? I had a traumatic upbringing and I have ADHD and it's made me have really bad communication in my friendships and romantic relationships. And I ended up pushing away my ex and it's devastated me. But now I'm in therapy and while I am happy and hopeful about it I am ashamed I even need it. Like some people are just able to got about their days and can be fine and communicate well. And my ex will meet someone with good communication and it will be better than what we had (I know this is a negative thought pattern I need to break). All in all I feel good about bettering myself for my next relationship but also a bit of shame that I wasn't taught growing up how to manage my emotions and communicate and wondered if that's common.

Written 5/8/2024- updates attached below

I tried posting this on kendrick almost a week ago and it got no response, I messaged the mods to ask about Karma restrictions or account age requirements and they never replied. I made a new account and it was the same issue, but I found out last night I wasn’t fully banned, so I figured I’d throw it up and see if anyone finds it valuable. It’s written for people who have no prior knowledge of the rap game/music business. I don’t have to go as hard on obscuring names this time. One of the influencers I mentioned in my last post is known for doxxing and threatening violence against people who mention the many contradictions in their stories. (Sorry for any typos/mistakes I want to go to bed.)
Origins
I believe the current Drake and Kendrick Lamar beef is either completely or partially fabricated by certain industry leaders or the parties involved in an effort to distract from something bigger going down behind the scenes. If you were an influential label owner facing major accusations, and you needed to deflect media attention from yourself, recreating one of the most defining moments in rap history during the social media era would be a way to do it. It also wouldn’t hurt that two of the biggest rappers in the world were already sending shots at each other in their music for years prior. The public consensus is they are simply two famous rappers who hate each other and fighting over the spot for the top like in the 90’s. Only people who were directly involved could paint a more cohesive picture of the whole story. Even when all the cards drop, there is a good chance the average person won’t be able to find direct sources on their own and will continue to support their favorite artists and dismiss any evidence of their crimes like the drizzy subreddit or Ak fans.

As I said the beef between Kendrick and Drake has been brewing in the background for years, with both rappers sending shots and sneak dissing each other over the course of at least 8 years. The most agreed upon origin story is the first diss was the 2016 Big Sean and Kendrick collaboration, “Control,” and Drake responded with, “The Language”. Things stayed relatively lighthearted for a while and both were intentionally vague for many years. Before I go deep into the Kendrick and Drake stuff, it’s really important to examine some of Drake’s prior beefs because they add a ton of context to my theory. In my opinion Kendrick and Co. started scheming all of this some time around Mid 2020-Mid 2022, well after the whole Pusha T beef had transitioned into the Kanye beef.

What exactly started the beef is debatable, but at the time many attributed it to rumors of Drake pursuing Ye’s ex Amber Rose. Unfortunately the timeline isn’t 100 percent clear, and if I included every detail this would be at least 200+ pages so I’ll stick with the important stuff. The ultimate outcome of the Pusha T battle in 2018 was the revelation of Drake’s son Adidon that he had previously been hiding from the world along with getting Ye directly involved in the beef.

Here are some more examples of Drake antagonizing Ye and of him trying to use women as pawns to get material for his diss tracks. The Drake line, “Yeah, I probably go link to Yeezy, I need me some Jesus, but as soon as I start confessin' my sins, he wouldn't believe us," could be a reference to sleeping with Kim Kardashian, trying to double down on his threats to harm him or his family, or it could be a double entendre. Another example is using the name Kiki in another song, which was apparently one of Kim’s nicknames. Some other possible examples include the theories he may have tried the same thing with Kendrick’s wife Whitney around 2020-2021 in an attempt to use as ammo against Kendrick, which I’ll go into later. I don’t listen to much of either artist's music, but there are probably many of other examples in Drake’s catalogue that I’m leaving out. There is also his song Omerta released in 2019, which I'll go into below.

“Your baby mother call me when she lonely My tailor see me twice a week, he like my homie Forever grateful, forever thankful Diamond necklace, but she wears it on her ankle”

(Probably referring to Kim Kardashian since she had a few pictures with her wearing diamond ankle bracelets and was trying to make it into a trend.

“I plan to buy your most personal belongings when they up for auction”

(There were various rumors floating around for a while that Drake was blackmailing Ye with something and he was fighting to keep it from the public. I thought about it and this line might be referencing a sex tape with Kim or her little sister who me was very touch before she turned 18. In 2022 there was a whole storyline on Kim’s show where Ye flies to LA to prevent her second sex tape from being released.)

West Hollywood, know my presence is menacing
Cosa Nostra, shady dealings
Racketeering, the syndicate got they hand in plenty things The things that we've done to protect the name are unsettling But no regrets, though, the name'll echo Years later, none greater
Death to a coward and a traitor, that's just in my nature, yeah
(Drake and Ye both frequented the Delilah Nightclub located in West Hollywood and lived closeby on the same street for a while.)
"I don't carry cash 'cause the money is digital
It's the American Expresser, the debt collector"

(Sounds a lot more like it could be crypto to launder or send large amounts of ill gotten gains. It started becoming mainstream around them)

"Last year, niggas really feel like they rode on me
Last year, niggas got hot 'cause they told on me
I'm 'bout to call the bluff of anybody the fold on me"

These lines stood out because they could be referring to Ye telling the public about Drake's alleged threats a couple months before the songs release. This happened not long after the release of Sicko mode which was towards the end of 2018 as well. Ye was discussing the incident on Twitter and reached out to Drake and Travis to talk to him in private. In the next set of tweets Kanye publicly accused Drake of threatening him and his family in a major way. Surprisingly Ye seemed genuinely scared and amongst his, “crazy rants,” some of the stuff he said makes a ton of sense in hindsight. This also the beginning of his second serious public struggles with Bipolar disorder after being committed in 2016 shortly after an on stage rant where he calls out Jay Z for selling out and says he's afraid he might kill him.. As someone who shares the same diagnosis, I have a pretty good understanding of mania and psychosis and firmly believe that it's important not to write people off right away due to their mental illness. Some of my most thoughtful, creative, and productive periods were inspired by mania. Industry bigwigs have also been using mental illness to discredit influential black celebrities and visionaries going back decades, but it really picked up in the 80’s.

Dave Chappelle has gone into this a lot in the past and claims he experienced something similar before he quit show business and dipped to Africa. Their stories have a lot of interesting parallels if you’re familiar or curious. I remember he actually visited Ye at his house in Wyoming after he was reported to have had a, "mental breakdown," during his presidential run in 2020 thus marking his third breakown in six years.. The reason I put it in quotes is because it happened right after he publicly accused Kim of cheating and delivered his legendary speech on abortion. Dave went as far as going on live tv and telling the public he wasn’t crazy, he was just really struggling because he was the only one at the time fighting against the narrative, which can often be a suicide mission or a ticket to obscurity. These are three examples of someone speaking up and being deemed crazy, two years later came the nazi stuff and I'm sure we'll have plenty in store for 2024.

This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the very common pattern of artists dying or having their careers destroyed either after they try to leave their label or threaten to reveal industry secrets. A few more interesting industry connections I made in my research include the connections between:

T.U.G. records and J Cole's independent label Dreamville are both managed by Interscope Records, whose parent company is Universal Music Group.

Universal Music Group also hac Drake's label OvO label as well as Ye and Kendrick's old labels on their roster before they left to form their own independent labels in 2022 (around the same time the disses between Kendrick and Drake started escalating). Finally Bad Boy Records, which is owned by Diddy, and Motown Records who own Diddy's other R&B label Love Records, are also both owned by Universal. This means every label I mention is currently or was previously owned by Universal Music Group.

Ye tried for years to get out of his contract with Defjam, which happens to be ran by Jay Z who is known to be a close associate of Diddy. Jay would always used his money and power to fight against it. Ye even spoke out publicly on a few occasions, including when he said Jay Z was trying to kill him during one of his concerts. My theory is after years of getting nowhere and having his reputation skewered, in 2022 Ye finally said, "Fuck it," and dropped all the anti- Semetic stuff intentionally in a successful attempt to force his label to into using their morality clause, which requires labels to drop an artist if they're accused of any major controversy that could hurt the label’s profits. For the fourth time in four years the media reported he was having a breakdown. Even though they tried to punish him by cutting off all of his sources of income and freezing his accounts he still managed to bounce back pretty quickly. It was often reported how much he was losing, but it rarely discussed how he still was filthy rich in spite of the retrictions. His label wanted to discourage other artists from trying the same thing. My theory is he might have bought Kim or Kylie's alleged sex tape and used it for his own leverage. For Kendrick, his transition to his independent label ApLang went a lot smoother, but he had to split ownership of his new label with the previous manager owner Dave Free. Sadly it's still difficult for new or more niche artists to establish themselves without the some help.

He may be a lot of things but Ye isn’t dumb just because he has a mood disorder and the guys at the top know this, which is why I think he has really played up his diagnosis when it benefitted him. He’s still one of the most talented musicians in the game and I really think he sees his bipolar like a superpower as he says. It’s like his own invisibility cloak. He can go off his meds for a little, make an album after staying up for 72 hours, go on a “psychotic” twitter rant dropping facts throughout, then start up again once he makes enough news headlines. I think it’s worth noting the first divorce rumors in 2020 coincided with Ye’s abortion speech during his presidential run and the cheating accusations. that led to him dropping out and moving to Wyoming, and a couple months ago in February 2024 he was committed again.

The point I’m making is bipolar is complex, but pretty manageable especially if you have a ton of money to find meds that work for you and a good doctor and can keep substance abuse and stress at a manageable level. I think Ye is smart enough to know this, but it’s just safer for him to really play up the mental issues in the media. He’s proven he can literally say whatever he wants after getting cancelled and the average person is just going to write it off as psycho babble. While bias in health care is a sad fact of society, if you can use it to your advantage I say go for it. It might’ve just kept the microscope off of him long enough to plan his attack.

Ye v. Drake: Quotes of 2018
(Start of the beef, drake threats, and suspicion towards Kardashian family. )

“ It’s not about rap. It’s about family. We have to be close as a family and never let these people infiltrate just for radio spins”

“We need to show the world that people can talk without people ending up dead or in jail.”

”This is a man speaking to a man that has been placed in the program to fuck with Kanye West head and set me up“

”See when you care about your family you don’t let no man push you to do nothing that could risk your freedom“

These first four tweets by Ye were all in reference to perceived threats made by Drake after their beef escalated circa 2018. He began speaking on the industry and talking more about his psych hospital commitment two years prior and how he thought they were going to kill him. It's pretty obvious how the whole thing was planned by the sketchy doctor who called it in and his physical trainer who has a ton of connections to weird shit involving his celebrity clients.

I found interesting that Ye might not have been the first major league rapper whose life Drake threatened. During a similar period of mental illness the up and coming rapper XXXtentacion accused Drake of stealing his flow and dissed him a few times. Not long after he made a post online saying if he dies, it was Drake who did it. There are tons of conspiracies online, but none of the evidence is strong enough to draw a definitive connection. Also while it maybe be coincidental, Kendrick’s latest album Mr Morale also painted the picture that Kendrick was dealing with some serious personal issues. Some lines throughout the album may have been used to bait Drake into escalating, but it wasn’t until The Weekend, Future, and Metro Booming dropped, “We Don’t Trust You,” then Drake and J. Cole dropped, “First Person Shooter,” which was followed a couple days later with, “Like That,” where Kendrick started the chain of events that has led us to today.

Kanye vs. Drake: Quotes of 2020

Summary: Ye runs for president and gets suppressed for saying what very well could be the truth and was immediately deemed insane by the media. Kim did a couple interviews and everything he said was immediatly false. There is almost guarenteed to be some sketchy shit going down revolving her and her family. Ye was absolutely terrified of her keeping the kids away from him and it seems like there are still efforts being made to this day to paint a certain image of him for ulterior motives.

Below are six more quotes from a fan taking a deep dive into his 2020 tweets courtesy of u/ thehatstore42069 on Yeezy
”NORTHY I AM GOING TO WAR AND PUTTING MY LIFE ON THE LINE AND IF I AM MURDERED DON’T EVER LET WHITE MEDIA TELL YOU I WASNT A GOOD MAN,” West, 43, wrote in the tweet, adding, “WHEN PEOPLE THREATEN TO TAKE YOU OUT OF MY LIFE JUST KNOW I LOVE YOU”

"I need a public apology from J Cole and Drake to start with immediately... I'm Nat Turner... I'm fighting for us."

"the utmost respect for all brothers" and said "we need to link and respect each other... no more dissing each other on labels we don't own"

"Ye is constantly trying to tell people that his family does not have his or his kids best interests at heart. He goes on to list others, linking them together with the thinking emoji. These people include rap artist Drake and Larsa Pippen, wife of Scottie Pippe. Kim K is goddaughter to Pippen's daughter, showing how close the families actually are. All of these families that associate with Ye through Kardashian connections, as well as Drake, have been accused of the same thing Kris has. EVERY SINGLE ONE of these people have mixed race children that are groomed from a young age to fuck around with celebrities so the parents can remain famous. Drake on numerous occasions has been accused of grooming girls and then getting handsy on their 18th birthday.”

“These labels want their artists to make them money and they dont care about anything else. When Kanye says things like this in an attempt to expose him, the first thing they wanna do is drug him up and put him back in the studio.”
“Righteous indignation is typically a reactive emotion of anger over mistreatment, insult, or malice of another. It is akin to what is called the sense of injustice. This is how they keep the black man down. Keep people outraged about trivial things and distract them from the real issues in the world. The real problems in the industry. If you tell people enough times that they are unequal or discriminated against they start to believe it. Drug them when they step out of line and toss them aside when the checks run out. Ye is realizing he is pawn in a bigger game, and now that he has all these roots in the game such as Yeezy or the Gap or his music, too many people cant risk (Afford) a Ye who speaks his mind.”
(End of quotes)

Amongst the twitter rant, Ye warned about the predatory nature of record deals and discussed trying to get out of his own deal, and said again how his life may be in danger if it wasn’t already and was doing anything he could to protect his kids. The most fascinating part to me though is the public call to arms he made to Drake, J Cole, and Kendrick on twitter. After inviting them to all link up, he said, “It’s time to get free, we will not argue amongst each other while some guy we don’t know in Europe is getting paid and putting that money in a hedge fund.” I believe if Ye was able to pull off this meeting, there is an ever so slight chance that all four artists might be working together to take down a greater enemy. Weirdly there have been times throughout the last couple years where these supposed enemies were photographed together being friendly or praise each other in interviews, then out of no where the disses would start flying again.

To wrap things up I want to share my a few of my theories about the Drake/Kanye beef

A. Everything is exactly as it seems and the beef is over. Ye let his mental illness ruin his life and career so Drake simply picked another target after Ye stopped putting out disses. All of these connections are just a coincidence and all of this was choreographed to boost Drake and Kendrick’s music sales and possibly distract people from the Diddy trial and possibly the complicated geopolitical issues currently facing the U.S.

C. There is also the possibility that all four rappers are in cahoots and Drake’s dirt isn’t as extreme as people are theorizing, at least in comparison to the rest of the business. This could explain why everything has played out like a movie and how they were able to predict each other’s moves so well. This could either mean they’re all just trying to boost their sales or they’re all trying to take down the “slave masters,” as Ye calls them, and change the dynamic of the music industry in favor of the artist.

D. They may be trying to help their friends in the industry who are being abused or in shitty contracts. I know a lot of famous rappers have done a lot of collaborations with Jhene Aiko and Anderson Paak, who were both signed to T.U.G. records which I mentioned above in the connections to Universal Music Group. Considering they are both frequent collaborators with all of the artists involved on both sides, it’s not unlikely they may have played some part in influencing the takedown.

T.U.G was started by Chris Stokes with his partner Ketrina Askew. Back in the early to mid 90’s were gaining popularity attracting lots of young up and coming talent. They often collaborated with Diddy and his associates. In the 2000’s Raz B from the boy band B2K claimed he was molested by Stokes and his friend Marques Houston, then quickly retracted his claims. Years later he came forward again and said we was bribed into silence and that the rest of the victims were bribed with hush money and had another singer corroborate his story and they came forward together to level the accusations. After some of his former B2K members made fun of him for his claims and accused it of being a shakedown, Raz B revealed Stokes and Houston had preyed a lot of the children associated with the label including at least one of the former bandmates and paid them off.

I thought it was worth noting that the second whistleblower named Quindon Tarver died young in a car crash after mentioning his abuse again a few years prior. He seems to have left the industry not long after the incidents occurred and has few credits to his name. To this day Raz B is still trying to get his justice, while Stokes and his partner Askew, who was also involved in the abuse are still running the label to this day. Askew also has a ton of lawsuits, accusing her of using shady tactics to try to foreclose on houses. (Don’t quote me if a lawyer wants to take a look just google her full name), and has been tied to a ton of LLCs, similar to Drake. This is a good example of a shitty record deal, but I'm sure they have countless other friends in the industry who have even worse. While they were never convicted even Chris Stokes' wife confirmed it to be true.

E. The theory I personally think fits the narrative best and is the most realistic conspiracy is that Kendrick and possibly J. Cole went to the meeting, but not Drake due to his close relationship with Lucian Grange, the president of Drake’s label. Silence often speaks louder than words and this could explain why Kendrick was so ruthless and put so much effort into finding dirt on Drake. Ye, Cole, and Kendrick co-writing would be like the rap allstar team and if J. Cole wasn’t involved, it would also answer the question of whether or not he baited Drake into the battle by asking him to feature. I don’t think Drake is really their primary target though, which would explain letting him off easy. Compared to his bosses and their bosses he’s a small fish. If you take the big guys down you stand a better chance of landing a bigger blow on their operation.

Another really interesting connection is Kendrick and Ye were both signed under Universal Music Group and they both got out of their deals around couple months apart in 2022. As we speak U.M.G’s CEO Lucian Grange, who is often acccused of giving Drake special treatment, is facing charges related to sex trafficking by no other than P Diddy. This could very well explain the timing of it all. The craziest timeline would be Diddy masterminding all of this and using his connections to get it done and all the allegations are bullshit. The guy does seem pretty confident all things considered and constantly posts himself in his Batman costume which could mean he’s a vigilante.

It seems like there's a slight religious angle as well. (Ye and Diddy are both very vocal advocates of Christianity and Drake and Lucian Grange are both Jewish.) Obviously this is a reach, but they’ve been saying rap music was specifically promoted by mostly white label owners in the 80’s to help in the ongoing effort to expedite the systematic oppression of those living in black neighborhoods and the destruction of their family systems. Apparently it was an intentional decision to heavily promote rappers that promoted the very things that were destroying their neighborhoods. (So people know I'm and atheist and have zero agenda, I just thought it was interesting, please stay away from anything antisemitic. War is wrong on both sides.)

*** If my favorite theory is true, there is a possibility the Kendrick and Ye are going after Drake due to their mutual disdain for him and because he’s got a ton of power to dominate the charts and hog the radio airtime like Meek Mill and OG Maco claimed years ago. Even him dropping a record the same day as you could really fuck your album sales up. I’m also sure some of the many rumors throughout the years have had a least some truth and he will most likely snitch to avoid cell block one. I think that Drake could have been instructed to instigate this whole mess in order to draw attention away from the UMG charges brought about by Diddy. Or on the other hand it could be that Kendrick, Ye, and possibly Cole, may have had intel that Drake was going to be involved in the Diddy trial and are just gonna let the receipts show themselves. It might not have been the original plan, but they’ve already accomplished their mission of humiliating him, assuring he couldn’t use his influence to slide through the cracks, and taking over the throne.

Please take everything I say with a grain of salt I have no connection to this world or lifestyle. Regardless I believe all of the knowledge above does a pretty solid job at painting a picture of what may have let up to this and what may have been the source.
——————————-
More details found the last couple days…

Drake and Diddy Connections+Coincidences

Drake- In the P Diddy wig video from 2016 he talks about going to party with Drake, Cash, and The Weeknd in Toronto. Drake is also one of Birdman’s protégées who is known for being a predator and is rumored to have used label artists to lure young women.

Travis Scott- Interview where he comes out and says Diddy tried to lure him. Still has a long history of associating with him, video of him running from Diddy, his connection to Ruby Rose while underage.

Tim Westwood- Diddy had connections with sex offender Tim Westwood who also inspired the Drake song, “Westwood”. They also both were victims of drive by shootings along with The Weekend and they were all facing some type of allegations.

T.I.- Also has been associate with Diddy through the years, in 2021 his kid died and 11 women can forward at the same time to accuse him and his wife of drugging and assaulting them. Clearly someone wanted to fuck his life up. Possibly due to him getting arrested so many times for wild shit and people wondering how he continued to get away with it shining a light on how powerful industry lawyers are. He also had recently talked about having a gynecologist check to see if his daughter is still a Virgin, which sounds like it could have been an industrty secret. Could have been because he worried about someone trying to take advantage of her to get to him? Regardless that shit is fucking insane.

50 Cent- Has been saying pretty much the same thing as Travis Scott and has trolled Diddy for most of his career. It came out that his wife was a sex worker who was possibly recruited Diddy to help ruin his career. It sort of worked, which raises the question if 50 Cent is the only victim.

Ray J- Him and his sister worked with T.U.G. records when they were very young. Chris Stokes in the nineties who had connections with Diddy. He has been involved in a lot of sex scandals and allegedly may have played a part in Whitney Houston's death. (Which is also allegedly connected to Michael Jackson's death and both were deemed suspicious and happened during their final tours when their masters (song rights), became more valuable than their lives. Sony Records and Tommy Motolla, who also abused Mariah Carey when she was trying to start her career. These are just a few of the alleged examples of labels taking out musicians when they were worth more dead, another is the signing of high risk artists and requiring them to get life insurance so they can profit beyond releasing all their posthumous records. Also the ever so common story of the rising star artist that die at 21 after their first album or two.

He also partied with Diddy in Vegas with along Floyd Mayweather and a bunch of other famous industry people and athletes.

Tory Lanez- Tons of blackmail, also was signed by Interscope under UMG. got sent to prison for ten years after trying to leave his label. Also history of SA and and other allegations of violence towards women.

French Montana- On Diddy's label, close with Rick and Khaled, tons of drug and sexual assault allegations, also dated a Kardashian. Generally grimy.

DJ Khaled- Diddy said he could get anything in Miami, either referring to drugs or women, could explain his connections and lack of any notable talent. (New update, he was one of the first to promote Chris Alvarez’s instagram not long after he turned 18).

Rick Ross- Diddy said some weird shit about him and licked his lips and kissed him at a show. Ross is also signed to Bad Boy under Diddy. He ended up getting involved in the current feud and spamming social media nonstop dissing and threatening Drake.

A lot of the back and forth was both of them threatening to release dirt on each other. One strange coincidence I found was Drake recently trolled Ross about the 20 million dollar renovation to his home on Star island, where Diddy is currently residing. It’s rumored back in the day that P Diddy was caught in a room full of rich guys on ecstasy possibly at the beginning stages of a gay orgy. Drake also mentioned in the same tweets about Rick Ross that Birdman owned a house on the island and asked Rick Ross why he didn’t help him out.

Considering Ross is so sketchy and Drake claims the house isn’t that big, that’s a ridiculous amount of money. He may be covering up evidence, or creating tunnels in his house to escape if shit pops off and Drake might know what’s good. Interestingly enough Ross is very close with French Montana and also signed to Bad. He said his beef was related to something involving French, and Drake’s tweet popped up the same day the info came out concerning the Chris Alvarez stuff.

The famous line from U.O.E.N.O.

Meek Mill- “OG Maco called himself defending his friend Quentin Miller by substantiating the ghostwriting claims and agreeing with Meek. He hit up Twitter saying, "Some of us been knew. Meek just put it in the air. Sucks to have to compete with 6 n****s and get compared to”

Meek mill also had a short beef with Drake, some disses included lines referring to TI’s homie pissing on Drake at the movie theater, which is also interesting considering the current case against him. He also dropped a line saying Diddy almost got a domestic charge when he smacked Drake, which could either be saying that Drake is like a woman, or saying he was Drake’s boyfriend/sugar daddy.
( If you made it to the end comment with the number 8)
I thought it was interesting how the beef just kind of disappeared and even Meek said it didn’t seem genuine. Considering the allegations against Meek in the Diddy trial, and his rumored affair with Kim contributing to ending Kanye’s marriage, Meek Mill definitely did some dirt on him.

“Niggas frauds I told the truth, don't ask me shit
All this industry fake enemy and rap shit”

“Money make a sucker that told look trill again”

One of the many chapters in Drake's history in which he is seen paying his way out of trouble and starting beefs randomly.
“Now when that shit went down with Chris, you wrote a check”
This line is referring to Chris brown beef, another beef that was lost to time. All I can remember off the top was someone throwing a champagne bottle at the other’s entourage.

Ty Dolla $ign- Huge feature artist, close with Ye. Grew up in the industry and talks about growing up on the road and being in the studio with his dad and Rick James who was should have already been in prison for life for dragging, torturing, and S assaulting multiple women and children throughout his career and was himself a victim of the industry. May be part of Ye's motivation, considering their recent close working relationship.
The end.
Courtesy of,
The Randomest Moniker

I know what the end product will end up looking like, but I’ve never made a bracelet that has random long strings in the pattern like this. I can’t seem to find videos on how to read this (or maybe I’m just really bad at Googling). Could anyone explain how to read this?

My ex-girlfriend (15F) and I (15M) split up on Sunday. Let's call her Deva. The reason why the relationship ended was because she realized she's a lesbian. Yay, right??? I should be glad she figured out what she wanted? That would be the case if she didn't basically manipulate me the entire time.
So it all started last week when I was tired so I couldn't facetime her on Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday rolls around, and she tells me about how she is developing feelings for a different girl (let's call this girl Jo). What makes it worse is that they texted about having feelings for each other, and both of them told each other that they liked one another. Deva told me how they were "innocently flirting".
At first, I was worried and a little mad because they were in lots of classes together. Eventually, I started to understand that the girl she likes is really cool and has been there all week when I could not be with her. So I let it go, and the next day, I noticed in gym class they're really close to each other and I heard Jo say something like, "Can I have your girlfriend?" So I stopped playing basketball after a while and went to go sit with Deva and Jo. I sit there for 15 minutes, and Deva hasn't acknowledged me once. So I leave, and they both know I'm pissed. My gf walks over to me, and we talk about how Jo seems to be making her way happier despite having so many red flags and smoking all of the time. It pissed me off that Deva would fall in love with a girl that does something she hates.
After our convo, we sit down in different classes, and she texts me, telling me not to sit with her at lunch so she can see who she wants more. I should've known that it was over soon, but I wanted her to stay. We never got the chance to call about it because my phone broke, so all we had was email. All throughout the week, including Mother's Day Weekend, she's telling me how much she missed me on Friday and that she loves me.
Then, on Sunday, Deva says, "I need to tell you something". I told her to tell me. She says that she fully likes girls and has her reasons. I was happy but also pissed because it was perfect timing after she started falling for Jo. But she told me that she wouldn't date her so she could "heal". She said she would heal before getting with anyone a week ago and got back together with me. She has a very noticeable pattern. got really mad and didn't say anything to her for a few hours until apologizing for getting angry and saying we could be friends. She had been through lots of trauma, and I told myself I would stick with her.
Until this week, when she basically said nothing to me after school and made it clear as day that she was going to date Jo very soon. On Monday, everything was fine in second period, and I was a little quiet at lunch. I texted her, asking if I was too quiet, and she said "nope". So I basically say nothing to this girl for days, and she is just all over this girl she's supposedly not dating. I was getting over her, but each time she would even be around Jo, she'd do something we never did. I've seen her let Jo lean on her shoulder in gym, walk to the bus with Jo (she never did with me), and put her arm across her shoulders at lunch. This girl has put NO effort into even keeping me as someone to talk to! So today, I ended it. I almost said nothing and just started NC. But I knew she would try to talk to me about something.
TL;DR: My girlfriend had feelings for a girl and told me she would try to lose them. Then, came out as fully lesbian after talking about how she loves me all week. She has put no effort into the friendship she wanted so badly. She has also been all over this girl after breaking up with me.
Am I wrong anywhere here? Or did she break up and come out (her third time switching sexualities in the past year) in an extremely shitty way?

Hi,
The below post is about a 5 min read. I can’t comment about the content but I think it reads well so it hopefully won’t be the worst five minutes of your day.

I am a thirty year old man. I live with my parents but not because I need to. My father is a dementia patient and my mom is the primary caregiver so I stay at home to help her out. I have a good job. It is fully remote and I make decent money. I have had a less than ideal relationship with my father. Growing up he wasn't around much because of his job and when he was home he wasn't very approachable. He has always had terrible anger issues and from a very young age we have been conditioned to walk on eggshells around him. I have an older brother. He is married and lives with his family. We were living with him but as my father's disease progressed it wasn't possible to continue living there for both the disease and his home infrastructure related reasons. We're relatively well off so money thankfully isn't a problem.
I have always had a strained relationship with my father. He was very loving when I was a child but ever since my early adolescence he has never liked me. He loves my brother a lot.My brother had spine related problems as a kid and they had to take him to various hospitals each year and for a few years he had to wear a spinal brace so he had a strained childhood. This really endeared him to my parents. They never pushed him for anything academically or otherwise but he turned out well. He is a good person although he has his problems. As my parents never pushed him for anything they chose me as the child to exercise their high expectations. I did well in school. They had relatively high expectations of me which was fine. The issue was that in the off chance I did not meet those expectations I would be subjected to severe condemnation. And the condemnation was severe. My father, especially since my early adolescence, never talked to me like his son or a child. He always talked to me like I was some hardened criminal. There was never any affection or understanding. If I did well which I often did there were no congratulations. He did not like me having friends for he was scared I'd fall into bad company. He encouraged my brother to have friends as that would help him fit in with his physical issues. My mother wasn't very affectionate either. For her I was the child whose academic performance she could use for clout amongst her peers. She never balanced out my father's attitude towards me. Rather she encouraged it. I told her but she always dismissed it saying it wasn't so. My father was never around much to ever teach me anything but he would get really mad when I made any sort of mistake. He expected me to know everything. There was a time when he could not stand being in the same room as me and would tell me to leave. I thought this was normal until one day my aunt pointed it out. That was the first time I had an inkling that maybe this behavior wasn't normal. Until a year or so before he lost his mind completely to the disease he would taunt me indirectly in front of everyone by saying how much he liked my brother. He didn't do this to say how much he loved my brother but rather how much he hated me. He would casually call me a coward. I really despised my parents growing up. At a young age I would repeatedly cry myself to sleep thinking one day I'll a make a lot of money and return all the money they had spent on my upbringing, which they always made a point of telling me, down to the expense of the hospital for my birth, with interest and tell them that I was no longer their son. I'd change my name and piss off somewhere and never return.
I have never thought of myself as a good person. I have always thought of myself as the scum of the earth. More my parents tried to keep me away from bad company the more I was drawn to it. I lived different lives inside and outside the house. I always hung out with people who were not at my academic level and the delinquents. I had multiple accents. I started drinking and smoking cigarettes and marijuana at a relatively young age. I have always been addicted to porn. Addiction has always been a problem for me. To this day I struggle with it. It has always been the one true constant in my life. About a year and a half ago as my father's health was deteriorating fast and I could not cope with it. I was drinking heavily and got bloated and sick. Alcohol and marijuana were not just doing it for me. At that time a lot of self improvement content was coming on my youtube feed. Having never exercised in my life, I decided that I had to make an effort to change because I was now the man of the house. I needed to take responsibility so I did. I started working out regularly at home and over time I lost all my excess weight and developed a significant amount of muscle. That also helped me kick my alcohol and smoking addiction although I do still drink and smoke but about twice a week when my mind gets triggered. Working out has become my new addiction. It is hard for me to not workout these days. I have to force myself to take a rest day. It replaced my other addictions but it has not become my saving grace. Rather just another source of escape from my mind. Some days I really overdo it. I need the chemicals.
By far the aspect of my life which has suffered the most are relationships. I have never been able to be truly close to anyone be it friends, family or romantic relationships. I have always struggled with relationships but in the last few I have become completely socially isolated. I have zero empathy just like my father but unlike him I have the ability to recognize it in myself. I cannot look at anyone around me as a human including myself. I feel like an animal and the world feels like a jungle. I am affectionate in my romantic relationships but innately I don't feel any sense of love or desire for companionship. Overtime I end up resenting the person. It just feels like more responsibility. Another person I owe something to. Now I completely avoid romantic relationships altogether. I used to feel sad when I thought about these things but now I don't feel anything at all. These days I date women for a month and then ghost them. My social isolation has conversely improved my ability to charm women. I don't feel any sort of attraction to anyone anymore irrespective of how attractive they are. As I don't feel "human" I don't see them as such either. They're just another entity separate from me. I'm very observant and overtime have learnt to spot behavioral patterns especially in women. With experience I know how to initiate physical contact and mostly they're just spell bound. They feel I'm so confident whereas I don't feel anything at all. Just standard procedure. Although I don't like talking to them I continue to do so for some time until suddenly I don't. Then I don't think twice about them. I feel the same way about friendships.
I'm neither optimistic nor pessimistic. I'm just numb to the idea of the future. I am writing this because I need some perspective. Anything from advice to abuse is highly appreciated. I don't intend to go to a therapist because I can never be this vulnerable in front of someone in flesh and blood and I will never take any medication. Thank you for reading. Please drop in some comments.

In desperate need of advice.
I made two close friends over the course of last year, despite getting betrayed in previous friendships, which was a big step for me. This previous year I've been at home so this was inevitable too. R & L got close to me. They never got along with each other, though they got along with me nicely.
I sort of realised that they both tend to drain me a lot so I made a group chat with them and another acquaintance. R and Z wanted to expand their social circle, L wanted to tag along. Now, L was the type to barely read the chat, but excessively share her problems with us now and then. Draining. R is an egoist by heart, could not tolerate someone different from her. She likes me because I tend to mould myself according to different people.
The acquaintance (Z) had initially been fond of R but soon got tired of her ego and inability to adapt to situations. Which; understandable, but she didn't have to be a jerk about it. Z left the GC after a situation where R said an offhanded remark that disrespected Z.
Now, I got really mad at this, so much that I gave R the silent treatment. I was confused back then too; what stance should I take? But in the end, L brought us together. She listened to R's rants, asked me if I was fine. A group video call and discussing the problem later, we were fine. R and L got closer after that, mostly because I was not always available to talk (ambivert here) and they bonded amongst themselves in my absence.
THE PROBLEM
Me, R and L spend months keeping the GC active, getting closer. I would think that things were fine but at some points they weren't. R and L got along well at first, but L's problem of oversharing everything was getting in the way. I wouldn't call her a narcissist– L is far from that. But maybe she's not used to social cues and her way of bonding is through her tragic stories. While I understand that friends should be there for each other in times of need; and the past year has been a bottom pit for us three, doing things excessively is a problem.
R entertained this at first but soon got tired of it. Repeated bombardment of L's situation with her crush who was nonchalant. Her family problems, career confusion. We knew she needed to see a shrink but our society is conservative. That would not have been possible. (They both need to atp)
I did not take this particularly seriously. I knew that L could change her habits for us, albeit slowly. R; the impatient type, at first could not grapple with it, but then persisted. She said she saw her "past self in L," and wanted to help her.
Situations happened where L's problems triggered R and instead of setting boundaries, she got mad at L when it was too late. Whenever R talked about her problems or feelings, L tried comforting her like, "you can try at this college/major with me," and R would get mad because she thought L was making everything about her.
Through trial and error, they finally decided to take a break. L moved away from her toxic family to frequent an academy in another city, tried to control her urges of talking about her day/problems etc. Exam season for me and R started. I put the "only admins can text," on the GC and I'd share a meme or two everyday.
THE SITUATION
Knowing me, I'd barely text either of them. I wanted no drama during exams. L respected this. She didn't text R either. One day, R texted L and asked her how she was. Instead of an "I'm okay," L hit her with a "this is how my life is going."
L has a boyfriend now. She talks about him A LOT. It gets tiring. She stopped it when she moved to the city and our exams started, but her boyfriend went to the same academy as her. The BF had also acquainted himself with R. R thought he was an okay person.
Now, shortly after R and L's interaction, BF texted R over a petty issue; L hit him in front of everyone, R should scold L that women should not hit men. R's feminism came to play. She tried mediating between them and suggested a breakup. No one liked the idea. L was mad at BF for annoying R with this problem, but since the deed was done, she further consulted R. BF, on the other hand, insulted R with words that pinched her such as, "My judgement of you was wrong. You don't know the difference between right and wrong."
L put off her decision until after a class trip where BF had to be there. She didn't want to ruin the trip. She said, "a third person can't understand the situation of two people," which pinched R. R thought she ignored her advice. I think L was finally putting up boundaries. She didn't want R to be involved in this further.
R does not know boundaries.
Where I was going through exam fever, depressed, I saw that R wanted to call me and I immediately answered. I wanted to share my burdens with a fellow exam taker. Instead, I was hit with late night calls of R ranting about the situation. She was distressed about it. She didn't understand why L wasn't taking her advice immediately. I tried to calm her down, told her it's normal for a third party to be treated like this and you shouldn't take this to heart. Getting involved wasn't the best option but it's no use lamenting over what's done.
Two days before my exam (R did not have that exam), I woke up to R's mean texts towards L in the GC. The context was logical but the way she said it, putting L down and disrespecting her was not. She said, "we never had a friendship. It was always about you and your BF and other relations. I'm ending my friendship with you," among other things. Was this true? I knew L was as much of an emotional pillar for R as she was for L. L had her fair share of listening to R's rants till 2 in the morning. Well– maybe not fair.
What's bothering me is that it wasn't L's fault this time. She tried so hard to change for R– and me– and R treated her this way.
I talked to them individually. L was distressed over this, but she didn't take into account my upcoming exam. R wanted to explain herself but she didn't take into account my exam. R said she "never treated L as a friend. I only pitied her."
Upsetting me more was that fact that R was treating me the same way she claimed L and BF treated her. She ranted to me without thinking that I had a life. She dragged me in her fight with L. She expected counselling/advice from me just to not take it. I tried telling her what she did was wrong but I couldn't control my anger at this point. Once is a mistake, twice is a pattern.
R values her friendship with me a lot more than she does with anyone else. She considers me a role model, a true friend. She also wants to garner all of my attention to her, which is impossible because I have a big social circle. She respects me. But she doesn't respect my friends. Why did I introduce friends like Z and L to her? Because she wanted to expand her social circle and wanted my help. (Of course I learned my lesson after Z's situation).
I value my friendship with R too. Despite our relationship being a 30-70, she has shown signs of improvement. She tries not to interrupt me (and still fails), she likes reading my stories and commenting on characters I make. She takes a genuine interest in my aspirations.
But she disrespected L. I'm grateful for L because she came to me at the darkest point of my life, when my search history was filled with "helpline numbers," and with her help I got offers from two universities. R doesn't know this.
I'm torn apart. I haven't talked to either of them for two days now. My relationship with L will be normal, but not with R. I don't know how to tackle things with her. I am in desperate need of help. I can't even talk about this to anyone because I've shut my socials for exams and no one is close enough for this. What do I do?

Hello reddit! Havent really posted on here before but I find myself in need of some advice. This might be a bit of a long one but I feel like theres a lot of context I need to cover. If anybody bothers to read all of this, some insight would be very insightful because I want to make sure that my personal bias isn’t affecting my thoughts on the matter.
I (25M) met my best friend Jeff (20M) about two years ago. We are coworkers. As soon as we started working together we clicked instantly, and immediately became super close friends. He doesn’t have any other super close friends to talk about his feelings with and I dont have any close meaningful male friendships either, so we grew very close and are a support system to each other. In January of 2023 Jeff had asked me if I’d want to move in with him and his girlfriend in about a year, after about 4 months of us being friends. Both him and her wanted to get out of their parents houses, and wanted to find another roommate to help with rent. I’m trapped at my parents house without making enough money on my own to move out, and dont see myself in a relationship anytime soon to have a partner to help with rent, so this seemed like a great opportunity for us both to help each other out.
His girlfriend, Fiona (20F), is where the problems start to lie. In our two year friendship I have clocked many red flags about her and have grown to really not like her and the way she treats him, and other people. The first I heard about her was in the beginning of our friendship when he asked my advice about a situation he was in. He said he felt stuck in the middle bc his family was pissed at her bc she didn’t get him a gift for his birthday. I asked him if HE was upset about that and he said that he was not, and I told him not to stress about it, bc his feelings on it are the most important thing. The first time I met her we had all went to a movie together. By the movie theater there was a pricy gourmet cookie shop and she had the idea for us all to get cookies and take them into the movie. We all were down, so we went to the shop. Jeff decided to wait in the car while Fiona and I went in. It wound up being cheaper for us to get a four pack rather than each getting our own so we decided to do that, being cordial I let her pick out all of the cookies. When we got to the register to pay she looked over to me for me to pay. I did, kind of assuming that since they were all of ours they would each gave me some money towards it. They did not offer, and I did not ask and thats on me. Then when I dropped her off she requested to take all the leftovers from the cookies home with her and she did. I wasn’t really upset about it but I did think it was a little bit weird, but chocked it up to the awkwardness of meeting new people for the first time, and miscommunication. The next time I met her, the three of us went to the mall together. First she brought us to a piercing shop and showed him the piercing she wanted to get, and told him the price and started asking if she can get it (assuming he’s paying). Jeff really doesn’t make too much money at our job knowing what I make and that he makes less than me. He asked if they could do it next week when he gets paid and she got upset at him and they fought about it. During the same mall trip she brought us into another store she wanted to browse around in and found a dress and bracelet she wanted. She gets to the register to pay and Jeff and I were standing off to the side waiting for her to finish. She hands the cashier the bracelet (the cheaper item) and then without saying anything just turns around and hands Jeff the dress (the more expensive one) expecting him to buy it for her. He did and he looked sad, it really made me upset. There have been many other times where I’ll ask him if he wants to get dinner or something and he’ll tell me he doesn’t have any money this week bc “Fiona wanted to get her nails done” or “Fiona wants to dye her hair”, and he just pays for ALL of it.
We wound up having a conversation about this where I expressed my concern for him and he told me that I “didn’t understand bc I’m single.” I told him no, spoiling your partner can be great if thats what YOU want to do, but its not right for it to be the constant expectation. He told me that “I just dont understand bc I’m gay, and that thats just what having girlfriend is like.” I reiterated that its really not normal and we kind of dropped the conversation. This talk of “thats just what having a girlfriend is” was extremely worrying to me, bc they have been together since they were 14, and this relationship is all he’s ever known.
At another point he expressed to me really not liking being at home bc of the issues between her and his family. I asked about their issues and he said that they really dont get along and he’s always caught in the middle of them. I asked what they have issues about and he said she gets VERY upset that his family refers to her as “Jeff’s girlfriend” when in her eyes she “sees herself as so much more than that”. I asked if they had other issues and that was the only issue he said they have. I told him that that was a non-issue, as she is, in fact at this point in time, his girlfriend. He said he knows. This to me wreaks of the classic abuse of trying to isolate him from his family for no reason. She doesn’t like him having outside forces pointing out the ways she takes advantage of him. Like with the first issue of her not getting him a birthday gift, and his family telling him that was wrong, obviously before I had more context I was on his side, but now knowing what I know I 100% agree with his family.
Sometime in early 2023 she had to move out of her parents house earlier than our plan for the three of us to move out together. And Jeff helped her out and set her up to move in with some extended family of his. After she moves in there, Jeff told me that she wasn’t planning on moving out with us anymore and was going to stay there, but him and I would still get an apartment together. I was obviously very okay with this change of plans. While she was living here she would constantly ask him to sleepover but he really didn’t like spending the night there as it made him uncomfortable, being in his extended families house sleeping in her bed, as they’re very christian. He also just preferred being in his own house and sleeping in his own bed. The problem was, every time he would say no to sleeping over she would blow up at him and start a huge fight that would make him feel like shit until he would eventually just go sleepover to appease her. He at one point expressed to her that sleeping over there made him uncomfortable and why, and told her that he couldn’t deal with her blowing up at him for not sleeping over constantly. He compromised and told her he’d stay over one consistant day a week so she can stop asking and getting upset when he says no. He slept there every week on their day like he said, but this didn’t stop her from continuing ask on the other days of the week and still being upset when told no. An example of him trying to set a boundary, and her just trampling all over it.
One night in November of 2023 he calls me in tears at 2am. He was upset bc he felt so stuck in the middle between what she wanted and what his family wanted. She apparently had asked him to move in with her, but his family was telling him he should stay with them and save up his money, bc they thought that made the most sense for him. He felt caught in the middle bc he couldn’t please both her and his family. He asked me what I thought he should do, and I told him that that really didn’t matter and neither does what his family wants or what his gf wants, all that matters is what HE wants. Does he want to move in there? He told me, no. He agreed with his family’s points of it being smarter for him to just save up money and live at home for the time being while still trying to get his drivers license (him and his gf both do not drive). I told him that I agreed and also thought that was the best idea for him. Especially bc once paying rent, it would be much harder for him to eventually be able to afford a car. Not to mention we still had our plan to move out together the next summer. He wound up getting very heated during our conversation and saying things like how he didn’t want to move in there and he didn’t even care if they wind up breaking up over it. He told her he didn’t want to move in there and she blew up at him and ignored him for the rest of the night. She continued ignoring him into the next day, and he was a mess. Once she started talking to him again he told me he was going over to her place later that night that talk about everything.
After their conversation he calls me to tell me how it went and he starts with “so I’m moving in”. I was taken aback after our conversation the previous night and he told me that she “made him realize how many issues there are in their relationship that he needs to work on, and she thinks him moving in with her is the best way.” I said “and theres things SHE needs to work on too, right?” And he hesitated for a bit before saying “… yeah”. Which made me think it really wasn’t discussed. Him being so adamant about not wanting to move in with her the night before, and then he sees her in person and is immediately convinced to move in there and all of their problems are his fault, really made me feel sick. Not to mention, that this completely trampled over his and I’s plan to move out together and now that would not be happening. He’s apologized to me a lot for that, and I’ve forgiven him and moved on, even tho letting go of the idea of our apartment together which seemed so fun hurt a lot.
Their living situation changed again recently and they moved out of the extended families house and into a new apartment together, greatly increasing their cost of living. I’m concerned for him financially as I know the rent alone is slightly more money than he makes a month from our job. I’m not sure how evenly they’re splitting the cost of living, however even in this new situation she continues to expect him to get her nails done every paycheck and all of her usual “buy me everything I want or I’m going to blow up at you”. I know he’s using his savings to give her what she wants. She’ll frequently call him at work. Like A LOT. Usually about 5 times in an 8 hour shift. And most of these phone calls are just him apologizing profusely for god knows what. And on one of these phone calls I did hear him say that he “could pull from savings to get that for her”.
There are many more examples of ways I see her use and take advantage of him. As well as put him in unsafe situations, but this post is already waaaay too long, and I feel like I’ve provided enough insight into their relationship. I will try to be active in the comments if anybody asks for more context.
If anyone read all of this, thank you! I would really appreciate some advice of what to do in a situation like this. I’ve never not liked a friends partner before. I’ve not said anything exclusively like “I dont like your gf and heres why” but I’ve made comments about things shes does not being right to try to get him to see what I see but I just dont think he gets it. On one hand I feel like I’m being a bad friend to Jeff for letting her abuse him like this, but on the other I’m scared to upset him if I bring it up. I’m terrified of losing or ruining our friendship over this bc he is extremely important to me, and I’m just scared to bring it up especially bc of how much longer he’s known her than me (6 years vs 2). Any advice is extremely appreciated.

Councillor Vek stood on the observation deck of the cruiser Balexa, as she watched the blue planet below. Earth, as the inhabitants called it. Indigenous life had only just developed tools and weapons of metal and combustion, yet something about this world felt...different.
Vek's assistant, a young Dreth named Pylor, approached. "Councillor, our sensors have detected an unusual energy signature coming from that landmass." He pointed to a region on the planet's map.
Vek peered down at the indicated area. "Life signs?"
"Massive. Billions within that small area alone. And..." Pylor double checked the readings. "Their technology...it's exceeding all models for their stage of development."
Intrigued, Vek ordered the Balexa into a lower orbit to investigate directly. Below, sprawling cities dominated the landscape, towers of metal and glass thrusting towards the heavens. Ground vehicles filled roadways in great herds.
But it was what Vek saw in the skies that made her gasp. Dozens of giant space ships above the planet.
Vek urged the Balexa closer, honing in on the largest vessel. Over a kilometer long, it resembled an arrowhead piercing the clouds. Guiding it through flight tests, no doubt. But its capabilities went far beyond simple transport.
Her eyes analyzed the gleaming hull. Powerful weapons arrays, ultra-dense alloys, inertial dampeners—this was no mere explorer ship. It bore the armaments of a capital warship, yet wielded in the skies of a supposedly primitive world, according to 1000 year old reports.
"Scan it," Vek ordered. The results shocked even her aged sensibilities. Particle beam projectors, gravitic torque generators, ablative shield matrix far exceeding, any known galaxy-class defenses. She watched silent as the warship shrugged off simulated meteor bombardments, and energy lances that would have crippled a flagship.
"Are the sensors malfunctioning?" Pylor asked. "This...this shouldn't be possible."
Vek didn't respond, lost in thought. The colonization directive had brought her here expecting a standard uplifting, not...this. A new species on the cusp of space, yes, but with a military capability challenging the Grand Fleet itself. Her duties were clear, yet prudence demanded further observation before revealing her presence.
That evening, Vek witnessed lights illuminate the cities as perpetual twilight fell. Not the flickering fires of a primitive settlement, but vast geometric patterns flooding the night with steady radiance. Roadways became rivers of motion as noxious fumes belched from pipes. She watched holographic entertainments broadcast atop towering spires, their realism surpassing even the Dreamcast pleasure worlds.
It was all too much. This world had advanced beyond all projections, its technology perfectly integrated within human civilization. Yet had achieved spaceflight only yesterday. An impossibility...unless directed by an outside influence. But signatures showed no alien contamination, only the fingerprints of natural evolution.
"Councillor," Pylor interrupted her thoughts, "I'm detecting a new vessel launching from the underground test site."
Vek shifted her gaze and witnessed madness. Rising from its berth came a colossus the size of a hab-moon. Twenty kilometers of pitiless metal rising on pillars of blue inferno, a vast sphinx of iron. Its armored prow glinted cruel in the light of its world. No other word could apply but "leviathan."
She watched speechless as it performed basic maneuvers. Its motion sent ripples through the atmosphere itself, as entire mountain ranges would shake. Multispectral scans revealed engineering beyond rational thought, a work of art and horror, given form in girders and armour-plates. No known drive system could shift its bulk, yet it drifted with ethereal grace.
Vek collapsed into her command throne, as the giant ship vanished into the mottled sky. Only one thought echoed through her stunned mind.
This changes everything.
Councillor Vek's findings on the human home world of Earth, had rocked the Galactic Council to its core. A species possessing technological marvels far beyond their years of spaceflight, should not exist, yet Vek's evidence proved otherwise. As the leaders convened an emergency session, their debate centered around how to handle this unprecedented development.
"Negotiations must be made at once, to assess if these 'humans' pose a threat," stated Morax of the Androrian Conglomerate. "We cannot allow such advanced militaries to emerge unchecked in the galaxy."
Vek spoke up. "I caution haste. The humans integrate their technologies peacefully on Earth, and welcomed our observations from orbit. Forceful intervention risks destroying what could be a powerful new ally."
Others argued humanity should be contained for study and surveillance, to learn their intentions. Tempers flared until Councillor Porx silenced the chamber. "Further debate is pointless without understanding these beings. Vek, with your ship the Balexa being closest, you are tasked with open contact and assessment of the human condition."
Reluctantly agreeing, Vek set course for Earth with escort vessels. As the Balexa entered atmo, she watched the armada of human vessels fill the skies once more. Her mind raced with what to make of such a belligerent yet benign species. Perhaps hospitality ruled here while militarism emerged elsewhere, as with so many spacefaring civilizations.
The Balexa landed in an open field outside a sprawling metropolis. Vek and her delegation exited warily, the high oxygen air thick in their respiratory systems. Above, jet aircraft flew patrol routes. while curious onlookers documented the arrival on personal communicators.
Approaching vehicles emerged, this time carrying humans who exited with open hands. "Greetings, I'm Commander Jasmine Chen of the United Earth Space Command," said the apparent leader. "We welcome peaceful contact and welcome you to our world."
Her relaxed yet watchful presence put Vek at ease. "I am Councillor Vek of the Galactic Council. We come in friendship to learn of your people and capabilities."
Chen nodded. "Please, come with me and we’ll discuss how we might cooperate for mutual benefit.” She guided them into waiting transport vehicles towards a towering citadel. Along the route, Vek glimpsed, colossal fusion reactors, automated infrastructure, and most astonishing, families and children walking without fear amongst such technological wonders.
Arriving at the United Earth Space Command headquarters, Vek received a cultural download on human history. Only an eyeblink ago, they waged wars from the back of beasts and shattered each other with primitive explosives. Now they spanned the Solar System and bent physics to their will, yet retained community and empathy in their evolution.
Chen brought them to a viewing platform high above the city. "This is what 350 years of focused progress has achieved. Our advance began, when we discovered alien wrecks on the Moon containing lost knowledge. From there, our science boomed while social reforms fostered cooperation."
Vek struggled to process such rapid development. "And your military capabilities? Ones matching capital fleets already?"
Chen smiled knowingly. "A necessity of our past, yet now a guarantor of peace. We keep stride to ensure safe expansion, not conquest. See, all technologies serve life's betterment."
Her wise words allayed Vek's fears of some belligerent power. Indeed, humans bore responsibility for such marvels rather than recklessness. She thanked Chen, believing a new partnership had begun that could uplift the galaxy.
As the Balexa departed that day, Vek pondered all she now understood of humanity. A species arisen from war to wisdom, empowerment and care for others. Their defense of all requiring defense through strength guided safely by conscience. Truly an example to follow into a brighter future, if accepted.
But ominous clouds gathered where none before have been...
The Council chambers fell silent as reports of the Balexa's findings spread across the Galactic network. Councillor Vek recounted humanity's technological feats and philosophical underpinnings in great detail. While unsettled by Earth's military prowess, the consensus agreed their intentions seemed benevolent.
As debate resumed, an aide burst in with urgency. "Attack fleets have engaged at the Estron outposts. Casualty estimates are catastrophic."
Gasps filled the room. Estron, a core Council world renowned for compassion, laid defenseless against the ravaging warships. But how had the Anti Council faction pushed this deep so quickly?
Vek turned to the hologlobe, coordinating response forces to intervene quickly. But she knew conventional fleets, couldn't match the invader's new annihilating momentum. Unless...
An idea formed, She opened a channel to Commander Chen, as other leaders objected in shock. "Humanity proving themselves is unwarranted. We cannot condone--"
But Vek sensed Chen had come to the same conclusion. "Councillor, send us all you have on this threat. Our ships stand ready to aid in whatever way is needed."
The Council fell silent at her resolve. Vek transmitted Battle Assessment 716-C and tracked the human warship streaking into hyperdrive, escorted by two escort cruisers. She prayed this unprecedented response would succeed where fleets had failed.
As the human task force arrived at Estron, they beheld utter ruin. Planetoids bombarded into dust, settlements glassed from space. The last distress calls wept through static, as heat shimmered off molten continents.
Captain Sato of the Yamato grimaced at the carnage. "This ends today. Shields to maximum, charge main cannons. Helm take us in."
The faction armada appeared like demons bursting from an inferno, dozens of war beasts thirsting for more conquest. But they weren't prepared for the grey giant, punching through their formation's heart.
Blue lances of plasma speared the leading ship, overloading its shielding and armor in a microsecond. The massive ship erupted in a brilliant fireball that consumed several nearby fighter craft. Meanwhile, precision volleys from the Yamato's mass drivers sheared through the battlecruiser amidships. Secondary explosions ripped the cruiser to pieces, as it drifted lifeless.
The humans coordinated their attacks with flawless synchronization. Squads of escort gunships strafed and bombarded the swarm ships, attempting to flank the capital ships. Their advanced targeting systems, allowed multiple targets to be engaged simultaneously. Within minutes, over a dozen enemy vessels had been eliminated with surgical strikes.
The surviving faction forces regrouped and organized a desperate counterattack. A dozen assault frigates charged headlong at the Yamato, unleashing everything in their arsenals. Shields flared as energy lanced and missiles impacted across the human warship. But its shields held easily, dissipating each strike with efficiency.
Resuming its offensive, the Yamato activated its main cannons once more. Two gigawatt particle beams lashed out, melting through the foremost frigates in a pair of massive explosions. Shrapnel and debris pelted the remaining ships, crippling their systems. Bombardment from the escorts mopped up the drifting hulks.
With their main attack crushed, the rest of the fleet broke into a panic-fueled retreat. They scattered in all directions, pursued relentlessly by human forces. Within the hour, only broken ship fragments remained of what was once a formidable invader fleet.
Aboard the Yamato, Captain Sato surveyed the devastated aftermath with a heavy heart. So many lives lost unnecessarily, due to the faction's brutal conquests. But now, Estron could begin to heal thanks to humanity's intervention. As cleanup crews tended to survivors, Sato opened a channel to Earth and to Galactic Council to deliver their mission report.
Word of the battle's outcome would help forge new bonds of trust, and cooperation between humanity and the Galactic Council.
In the ruins of Estron's capital, Councillor Vek witnessed humanity's compassion firsthand. Survivors were rescued, and cared for without regard for species or faction. She knew in that moment that the Pax Terra had begun, and a new era of partnership had dawned with Earth.