For about 11-12 months I was taking ashwagandha every single night (2 months of 750mg, 1 month of 2000mg, and about 9 months of 3000mg) and these were the side effects (I did not realize these side effects until I stopped taking it and neither will you). At first I was just taking it as a way to get more vivid dreams and better sleep overall, but I soon found myself spiraling out of control. The first side effect I experienced, that I didn’t realize was ashwagandha until I stopped was itchy skin whenever I got hot or nervous kind of like a heat rash or sweat rash (this could have just been an allergic reaction). The next side effect seemed to be increased social awareness which seems like a good thing but it lead to negative effects. I ended up getting very bad social anxiety and just anxiety in general from taking. Next it became a full on addiction, I could not sleep without it and I would feel horrible the next day if I didn’t take it or even if I didn’t take as much. One day after getting into a big fight with my family I took 20,000mg then went to bed. I think that this is where my addiction became very bad. I started to get minor hallucinations including voices of people that I’m around and seeing minor figures whenever in a dimly lit room. The next and very worst side effect was extreme derealization. It was to the point that I genuinely believed I was God and that there was not a single other real person in this world. I began to let my life slip away. I let my grades drop to about a 2.5gpa and scored very poorly on sat and act. This being my junior year of highschool it could affect the rest of my life. Just about 2 months ago I tried to take my own life by driving into oncoming traffic for about 3 miles. Luckily it was 2am so the few people who saw me coming got out of the way. This did not help my de realization/God complex however, I believed that I could not die and everything would workout in my life and started to do extremely reckless things. Luckily my parents saw that something was wrong with me and my dad somehow connected it to the ashwagandha. I have now been off of it for a month and the withdrawals are making me realize I was addicted for almost a year of my life. The hardest withdrawal I have been through is how emotionally detached I feel. It’s like I know how to interact with people and I know what I should do, like when I should laugh but I just don’t.
I apologize for any inconsistency or parts that don’t make sense. This is my first time ever sharing this story so there probably will be parts that don’t make sense. If you want any clarification or have any questions please comment or feel free to PM me!
Stay safe!

Omnivoracious Listeners New Music Newsletter (Week of May 19th):
New LPs:
🇺🇸 Ahem - 'Avoider' (Genre: Indie Rock, Pop Punk)
🇺🇸 Almanac Man - 'Terrain' (Genre: Noise Rock)
🇺🇸 Altar of Gore - 'Litanies of the Unceasing Agonies' (Genre: Black Death)
🇻🇪 Ancient Settlers - 'Oblivion's Legacy' (Genre: Melodic Death Metal, Metalcore)
🇺🇸 Animal, Surrender! - 'Animal, Surrender!' (Genre: Post-Rock)
🇺🇸 Ape Vermin - 'Andromedas Colossus' (Genre: Prog Sludge Metal)
🇺🇸 August Winter - 'Redemption' (Genre: Post Rock)
🇳🇱 Baardvader - 'When the Stars Arrive' (Genre: Stoner Doom)
🇺🇸 Babylon A.D. - 'Rome Wasn't Built in a Day' (Genre: Hard Rock)
🇬🇧 Bad Breeding - 'Contempt' (Genre: Hardcore Punk, Anarcho Punk)
🇺🇸 Baphorator - 'I.B.L.I.S.' (Genre: Black Death)
🇺🇸 Bat - 'Under the Crooked Claw' (Genre: Speed Metal)
🇺🇸 Bermuda Squares - 'Outsider' (Genre: Garage Punk)
🇺🇸 Billie Eilish - 'Hit Me Hard and Soft' (Genre: Pop)
🇺🇸 Blitzen Trapper - '100's of 1000's, Millions of Billions' (Genre: Alt Country, Folk Rock)
🇮🇹 Boleskine House - 'Miserabilist Blues' (Genre: Atmo Black Metal)
🇨🇦 Bootlicker - '1000 Yd. Bars' (Genre: D-Beat, Hardcore Punk)
🇺🇸 Botanist - 'Paleobotany' (Genre: Experimental Post-Black Metal)
🇺🇸 Burnt Sherpa - 'Last of Later' (Genre: Stoner Rock)
🇺🇸 Cage the Elephant - 'Neon Pill' (Genre: Alt Rock, Indie Rock)
🇺🇸 Candy Apple - 'Comatose' (Genre: Hardcore Punk)
🇺🇸 Cardiac Arrest - 'The Stench of Eternity' (Genre: Death Metal)
🇳🇱 Celestial Season - 'Mysterium III' (Genre: Death Doom)
🇺🇸 Childish Gambino - 'Atavista' (Genre: R&B, Rap)
🇧🇷 Chococorn and the Sugarcanes - 'Siamês' (Genre: Midwest Emo, Power Pop)
🇺🇸 Cognitive - 'Abhorrence' (Genre: Tech Death Metal, Deathcore)
🇷🇺 Cold Blooded Murder - 'From Russia With Hate' (Genre: Brutal Death Metal)
🇺🇸 Collective Soul - 'Here to Eternity' (Genre: Alt Rock, Post-Grunge)
🇳🇴 Combichrist - 'CMBCRST' (Genre: Industrial Metal)
🇺🇸 Crumb - 'Amama' (Genre: Psych Rock)
🇦🇺 Danielle Whalebone - 'Whispers of Shadows' (Genre: Noise Rock)
🇺🇸 Dawnbreaker - 'Banisher of Unlight' (Genre: Blackened Death Metal)
🇫🇷 Dead Horse One - 'Seas of Static' (Genre: Shoegaze, Psych Rock)
🇬🇧 Demon - 'Invincible' (Genre: Heavy Metal, Hard Rock)
🇮🇸 Demored - 'Well of Liquid Souls' (Genre: Hardcore Punk)
🇺🇸 Devitalized - 'State of Aggression' (Genre: Deathcore)
🇺🇸 Dog Party - 'Dangerous' (Genre: Punk Rock)
🇺🇸 Don McLean - 'American Boys' (Genre: Folk Rock)
🇮🇹 Duft - 'Altar of Instant Gratification' (Genre: Metalcore)
🇺🇸 Dystopica - 'Infinite Reflection' (Genre: Prog Metal)
🇺🇸 Early Internet - 'Ruminator' (Genre: Indie Pop)
🇨🇦 Earth Ball - 'It's Yours' (Genre: Experimental Rock)
🇺🇸 Egg Drop Soup - 'One Hit Woman' (Genre: Garage Punk, Surf Punk)
🇸🇪 Eigenstate Zero - 'The Malthusian' (Genre: Prog Death Metal)
🇮🇪 El Morta - 'The Man Who Laughs' (Genre: Doom Metal)
🇩🇪 Elvellon - 'Ascending Synergy' (Genre: Symphonic Metal)
🇧🇷 Eminent Shadow - 'Dawn of the Dark Age - Inferno Diaboli' (Genre: Death Metal)
🇪🇸 Esclavitud - 'Stronger Than a God' (Genre: Heavy Metal)
🇫🇷 Etwas - 'Rites of the Damned - Chvpter. II' (Genre: Symphonic Metal)
🇺🇸 Excuse Me, Who Are You? - 'Double Blind' (Genre: Midwest Emo, Post-Hardcore)
🇺🇸 Extinguish - 'One Less Enemy' (Genre: Hardcore Punk)
🇺🇸 Extortionist - 'Devoid of Love & Light' (Genre: Deathcore)
🇮🇹 Forever Falling - 'The Determinism of Essence in Matter' (Genre: Death Doom)
🇸🇪 Freedom - 'Stay Free!' (Genre: Hard Rock)
🇺🇸 From Indian Lakes - 'Head Void' (Genre: Indie Pop)
🇺🇸 Gatecreeper - 'Dark Superstition' (Genre: Death Metal)
🇬🇧 Ghost Keeper - 'The Dread Legion' (Genre: Thrash Metal)
🇩🇪 Goblyns - 'Hunki Bobo' (Genre: Psych Rock)
🇺🇸 Göden - 'Vale of the Fallen' (Genre: Death Doom)
🇬🇧 Gumshoes - 'Cacophony' (Genre: Indie Pop, Indie Folk)
🇺🇸 Guppy - 'Something Is Happening' (Genre: Garage Rock)
🇺🇸 Guster - 'Ooh La La' (Genre: Art Rock, Pop Rock)
🇬🇧 Halloweens - 'Opera Singing at the Salsa Bar' (Genre: Pop Rock)
🇺🇸 Hardy - 'Psycho' (Genre: Country Rock, Post-Grunge)
🇺🇸 Heavy Feather & the Magic Word - 'Two-Way Mirror' (Genre: Psych Rock)
🇺🇦 Hell:On - 'Shaman' (Genre: Death Thrash)
🇺🇸 Hemotoxin - 'When Time Becomes Loss' (Genre: Prog Death Metal)
🇸🇪 Henry Kane - 'Circle of Pain' (Genre: Crust Punk, Grindcore)
🇺🇸 High Noon Kahuna - 'This Place Is Haunted' (Genre: Noise Rock)
🇺🇸 Home Invasion - 'Enemy' (Genre: Hardcore Punk)
🇧🇪 Hudič - 'Into the Abyss' (Genre: Heavy Metal)
🇺🇸 If Not for Me - 'Everything You Wanted' (Genre: Metalcore)
🇮🇹 I Hate My Village - 'Nevermind the Tempo' (Genre: Psych Rock)
🇫🇷 Inner Landscape - '3H33' (Genre: Post Metal)
🇨🇦 Intervals - 'Memory Palace' (Genre: Prog Metal)
🇺🇸 Jack Name - 'Fabulous Soundtracks' (Genre: Hypnagogic Pop, Neo Psychedelia)
🇺🇸 Jasta - '...And Jasta for All' (Genre: Thrash Metal)
🇺🇸 Jeff Kollman - '2023 AD' (Genre: Hard Rock, Heavy Metal)
🇬🇧 Jeff Slate - 'The Last Day of Summer' (Genre: Hard Rock)
🇺🇸 John Larson and the SIlver Fields - 'Constellation Prize' (Genre: Power Pop)
🇺🇸 John Oates - 'Reunion' (Genre: Blue Eyed Soul, Pop Rock)
🇺🇸 Joywave - 'Permanent Pleasure' (Genre: Indie Rock)
🇺🇸 Kate Hudson - 'Glorious' (Genre: Pop, Soft Rock)
🇺🇸 Kerry King - 'From Hell I Rise' (Genre: Thrash Metal)
🇺🇸 Kev and Cam - 'Kevin's Gate' (Genre: Prog Metal)
🇳🇱 Krezip - 'Music for Maximum' (Genre: Alt Pop Rock)
🇬🇧 Kulk - 'It Gets Worse' (Genre: Sludge Metal, Noise Rock)
🇺🇸 Lightheaded - 'Combustible Gems' (Genre: Jangle Pop)
🇺🇸 Littered With Arrows - 'No Doves Fly Above' (Genre: Sludge Metal, Noise Rock)
🇺🇸 Little Feat - 'Sam's Phone' (Genre: Southern Rock)
🇧🇪 Lovelorn Dolls - 'Deadtime Stories' (Genre: Alt Rock, Synthpop)
🇳🇱 Lucassen & Soeterboek's Plan Nine - 'The Long-Lost Songs' (Genre: Hard Rock)
🇫🇮 Lucidity - 'Escherian' (Genre: Melodic Death Metal)
🇧🇷 Madame Frankenstein - 'The Eyes of the Mountain Are Mine' (Genre: Stoner Doom)
🇺🇸 Magic Fig - 'Magic Fig' (Genre: Psych Rock, Psych Pop)
🇩🇰 Mansfield - 'For All the Right Reasons' (Genre: Indie Rock)
🇮🇹 Marea - 'The Silene of Rust' (Genre: Black Doom, Post Metal)
🇺🇸 Marty Friedman - 'Drama' (Genre: Prog Rock, Prog Metal)
🇩🇪 Meanwhile Project LTD - 'Sir Mandrill' (Genre: Prog Rock, Post-Rock)
🇺🇸 Mia Day - 'Hellier, Forever' (Genre: Indie Rock)
🇺🇸 Mineshaft - 'We've Taken This Too Far' (Genre: Screamo)
🇲🇽 Moonlight - 'Skogstronen' (Genre: Black Metal)
🇩🇰 Morbid Grave - 'The Slime Crawlers' (Genre: Death Metal)
🇺🇸 Mortal Reminder - 'Mortal Reminder' (Genre: Metalcore, Djent)
🇬🇧 Mutes - '...Buried Where You Stand' (Genre: Post-Punk, Noise Rock)
🇷🇸 Nadsvest - 'Slovo Meseca I Krvi' (Genre: Black Metal)
🇨🇦 Naomi King - 'Black Water' (Genre: Alt Rock)
🇨🇦 Necht - 'The Prophect of Karnifor' (Genre: Black Metal)
🇷🇸 Neven - 'U Svakom Srcu Gore Svetla' (Genre: Hardcore Punk)
🇺🇸 New Kids on the Block - 'Still Kids' (Genre: Boy Band)
🇺🇸 Nobody - 'Despair Is Where My Thoughts Swim' (Genre: Post-Black Metal)
🇺🇸 Nocturnus AD - 'Unicursal' (Genre: Tech Death Metal)
🇭🇺 Norms - '100% Hazaárulás' (Genre: Hardcore Punk)
🇦🇺 Northeast Party House - 'Enhancer' (Genre: Dance Punk)
🇺🇸 Of Montreal - 'Lady on the Cusp' (Genre: Indie Pop)
🇨🇦 Olim - 'Because' (Genre: Post-Black Metal)
🇺🇸 One Step Closer - 'All You Embrace' (Genre: Straight Edge Hardcore)
🇪🇸 Orion Child - 'Aesthesis' (Genre: Power Metal)
🇸🇪 Pain - 'I Am' (Genre: Industrial Rock, Electronic Rock)
🇺🇸 Pallbearer - 'Mind Burns Alive' (Genre: Doom Metal)
🇨🇦 Passage - 'Crystal' (Genre: Doom Metal)
🇺🇸 Pathology - 'Unholy Descent' (Genre: Brutal Death Metal)
🇦🇺 Peter Freebairn - 'Silhouettes & Cigarettes' (Genre: Pop Rock, Singer-Songwriter)
🇬🇧 Pig - 'Red Room' (Genre: Industrial Rock,, Industrial Metal)
🇪🇸 Pòstum-0 - 'Nueva Humanidad' (Genre: Hard Rock, Heavy Metal)
🇸🇪 PreHistoric Animals - 'Finding Love in Strange Places' (Genre: Prog Rock)
🇺🇸 Radar - 'Radar' (Genre: Pop Punk, Supergroup)
🇫🇮 Rats Will Feast - 'Hellhole' (Genre: Hardcore Punk)
🇳🇿 Rendered Helpless - 'From Nothing Comes All' (Genre: Slam Death Metal)
🇮🇩 Reveals - 'Attachment, Destruction and Extinction' (Genre: Atmo Black Metal)
🇩🇪 Rope Sect - 'Estrangement' (Genre: Gothic Rock)
🇨🇱 Rotten Tomb - 'The Relief of Death' (Genre: Death Metal)
🇺🇸 Salt on Sunday - 'A Docket of Votive Offerings' (Genre: Experimental Metal)
🇺🇸 Secrecies - 'Perfect Bite' (Genre: Dreampop)
🇺🇸 Sekengard - 'Creation's Veil' (Genre: Folk Metal)
🇬🇷 Serement - 'Abhorrent Invocations' (Genre: Blackened Death Metal)
🇲🇽 Servus - 'Cyclical Existence' (Genre: Black Metal)
🇺🇸 Shellac - 'To All Trains' (Genre: Noise Rock)
🇷🇺 Shokran - 'Duat' (Genre: Prog Metalcore)
🇬🇧 Shoshy - '誰​に​も (Darenimo)' (Genre: Dreampop)
🇳🇴 Sibiir - 'Undergang' (Genre: Hardcore Punk)
🇺🇸 Sludgeworth - 'Together Not Together' (Genre: Punk Rock)
🇺🇸 So Much Hope, Buried - 'I'd Be Lying to Say I'm Not Weak' (Genre: Post-Hardcore)
🇨🇭 SoulLine - 'Reflections' (Genre: Melodic Death Metal)
🇺🇸 SQÜRL - 'Music for Man Ray' (Genre: Psych Rock, Post-Rock)
🇧🇪 Stacks - 'Want' (Genre: Synthpop)
🇩🇰 Strychnos - 'Armageddon Patronage' (Genre: Black Death)
🇬🇷 Subfire - 'Blood Omen' (Genre: Symphonic Power Metal)
🇺🇸 Suck Brick Kid - 'The End Is What I Want' (Genre: Pop Punk)
🇺🇸 Sweat FM - 'You and I, We Were Born to Cry' (Genre: Punk Rock)
🇺🇸 System Exclusive - 'Click' (Genre: Synthpop)
🇺🇸 Telltale - 'Telltale' (Genre: Pop Punk)
🇮🇹 Tezza F. - 'Key to Your Kingdom' (Genre: Prog Power Metal)
🇨🇦 The Anti-Queens - 'Disenchanted' (Genre: Punk Rock)
🇺🇸 The Co Founder - 'Never Miss a Good Opportunity to Shut the Fuck Up' (Genre: Indie Rock)
🇬🇧 The Dave Foster Band - 'Maybe They'll Come Back for Us' (Genre: Prog Rock)
🇬🇧 The Howlers - 'What You've Got to Lose to Win It All' (Genre: Indie Rock)
🇺🇸 The Last of Lucy - 'Godform' (Genre: Tech Death)
🇬🇧 The Lovely Eggs - 'Eggistentialism' (Genre: Egg Punk, Psych Punk)
🇺🇸 The Macks - 'The Macks Are a Knife' (Genre: Indie Rock, Indie Punk)
🇺🇸 The Mountain Movers - 'Walking After Dark' (Genre: Psych Rock, Neo Psychedelia)
🇺🇸 Tim Easton - 'Find Your Way' (Genre: Country Blues, Roots Rock)
🇺🇸 Tolls - 'Plummet Through Agony' (Genre: Hardcore Punk)
🇺🇸 Torturer's Lobby - 'Deadened Nerves' (Genre: Death Thrash)
🇯🇵 角松敏生 (Toshiki Kadomatsu) - 'MAGIC HOUR ~Lovers at Dusk~' (Genre: City Pop, Jazz Fusion)
🇦🇺 Tropical Strength - 'Tropical Strength & the Silverbeats' (Genre: Indie Pop)
🇬🇧 Troy Redfern - 'Invocation' (Genre: Blues Rock)
🇺🇸 Twenty One Pilots - 'Clancy' (Genre: Indie Pop, Alt Rock)
🇺🇸 Tzompantli - 'Beating the Drums of Ancestral Force' (Genre: Death Doom)
🇮🇹 Ufomammut - 'Hidden' (Genre: Psych Doom)
🇸🇪 Universe III - 'Universe III' (Genre: Hard Rock)
🇩🇪 Unwesen - 'Irrsinnfonie' (Genre: Black Metal)
🇺🇸 (Un)worthy - 'This Present Darkness' (Genre: Death Metal, Deathcore)
🇯🇵 Valhalla - 'Memories of Yggdrasil' (Genre: Power Metal)
🇺🇸 Vitskär Süden - 'Vessel' (Genre: Heavy Psych)
🇺🇸 Ward White - 'Here Come the Dowsers!' (Genre: Art Rock)
🇺🇸 Warren Dunes - 'Aquamarine' (Genre: Indie Pop)
🇨🇦 William Shatner - 'Where Will the Animals Sleep? Songs for Kids and Other Living Things' (Genre: Indie Rock, Spoken Word)
🇺🇸 Winter Aid - 'Pull the Sky Inside' (Genre: Indie Folk)
🇺🇸 Your Ghost in Glass - 'Drowning to Escape the Fire' (Genre: Post-Hardcore)
🇬🇧 Zayn - 'Room Under the Stairs' (Genre: Pop, Singer-Songwriter)
🇺🇸 Zero Point Energy - 'Tilted Planet' (Genre: Shoegaze, Indie Rock)
🇺🇸 Zig Zags - 'Strange Masters' (Genre: Crossover Thrash, Garage Punk)
🇺🇸 Zombeast - 'Heart of Darkness' (Genre: Punk Rock)
New EPs:
🇺🇸 Ameonna - 'Goddes Reign' (Genre: Deathcore, Prog Metalcore)
🇸🇪 Aspernamentum - 'Primal Judgement Manifesto' (Genre: Black Metal)
🇺🇦 Azimut - 'Nun' (Genre: Atmo Sludge Metal)
🇮🇹 Barbarian - 'A Kiss of a Whisper' (Genre: Speed Thrash)
🇫🇷 Black Velvet - 'Identity?' (Genre: Heavy Metal)
🇺🇸 Black Water Sunset - 'When Man and Machine Collide - A Tribute to Control Denied' (Genre: Prog Death Metal)
🇵🇪 Culmen - 'De Un Soplo La Creacion' (Genre: Black Metal)
🇬🇧 Darko - 'Greyscale' (Genre: Melodic Hardcore)
🇬🇧 De'Lour - 'The Ghost You Left Behind' (Genre: Post-Hardcore)
🇦🇺 Divine Grave - 'Traumapieces' (Genre: Prog Metalcore)
🇺🇸 Draag - 'Actually, the Quiet Is Nice' (Genre: Dreampop, Shoegaze)
🇨🇦 Erythrite Throne - 'Thy Bastard Offspring Birthed of the Gallows Tree' (Genre: Black Doom)
🇩🇪 Evoked - 'Immoral Arts' (Genre: Death Metal)
🇧🇪 Fatal Move - 'Fugazi' (Genre: Hardcore Punk)
🇺🇸 Female Gaze - 'Tender Futures' (Genre: Hard Rock)
🇩🇰 Gradience - 'Ironsight' (Genre: Deathcore)
🇬🇧 I Häxa - 'Part 2' (Genre: Folk Metal)
🇲🇽 Imperator - 'Diable' (Genre: Black Metal)
🇦🇹 Insanity Alert - 'Moshemian Thrashody' (Genre: Crossover Thrash)
🇬🇧 Irked - 'Irked' (Genre: Punk Rock)
🇧🇷 Katástrofe - 'Terra Sombria' (Genre: Thrash Metal)
🇯🇵 Loyal to the Grave - 'Rectitude' (Genre: Hardcore Punk)
🇺🇸 Mechanistic Butchery - 'Post-Human Putridity' (Genre: Grindcore, Cybergrind)
🇨🇦 MLRiffage - 'Bleak II' (Genre: Death Thrash)
🇺🇸 Night Sins - 'A Silver Blade in the Shadow' (Genre: Gothic Rock, Darkwave)
🇯🇵 Nothing's Carved in Stone - 'Brightness' (Genre: J-Rock, Alt Rock)
🇩🇰 Omsorg - 'Echoes' (Genre: Post-Hardcore)
🇩🇰 Pretext - 'Force the Hand of Fate' (Genre: Hard Rock, Heavy Metal)
🇺🇸 Psithurism - 'A Dead Sun' (Genre: Metalcore, Deathcore)
🇯🇵 Purple Hell - 'Asthenia Soul 灵​魂​病​症' (Genre: Melodic Death Metal, Metalcore)
🇬🇧 Queen Laya - 'Queen Laya' (Genre: Alt Rock)
🇨🇭 ReDraw - 'The Party' (Genre: Thrash Metal)
🇺🇸 Soften the Glare - 'EP III' (Genre: Prog Rock)
🇪🇸 Sons of Cult - 'Desolation' (Genre: Heavy Metal, Hard Rock)
🇺🇸 Stylogaster - 'Keepsake' (Genre: Slowcore)
🇺🇸 Vanquishment - 'Dogfights' (Genre: Melodic Black Metal)
🇺🇸 Virologist - 'Ameliorating Vicissitudes' (Genre: Brutal Death Metal)
🇺🇦 Wallflower - 'The Place Where I Feel Free' (Genre: Hardcore Punk)
🇺🇸 We're All Wrong - 'Leerer' (Genre: Prog Metalcore)
New Cover Albums:
🇨🇦 Arkells - 'Disco Loadout' (Genre: Alt Rock)
🇺🇸 Slash - 'Orgy of the Damned' (Genre: Hard Rock, Blues Rock)
Off to Detroit tomorrow for some live music! Cage The Elephant dropping this week, and thanks to concert week I got tickets for that also! Anyone you're seeing on the list this week?
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Happy Listening!

Hi, fairly new CPAP user (known I had OSA since 2017 but took me literal years to get a doctor to take me seriously, finally had sleep study in January this year and got my machine - ResMed Airsense 10 Elite - in late February). AHI 90 in my sleep study.
First month or so was really good, felt like a whole new person, then they increased my pressure from 12 to 14 as they said they wanted my AHI below 10 (I was averaging about 12 at the time). A week or so later I had to ask them to put it back down cause I honestly felt like I couldn’t breathe against that high pressure and my AHI wasn’t improving (I’m in the U.K. and when you get CPAP therapy through the NHS you can’t change your own pressure settings). They somewhat reluctantly did so, but ever since my data has been all over the place.
I set and forget my mask (AirFit F30i) and have a good seal when I go to sleep. Yet it seems a total crapshoot as to whether the app says my seal scored 0/20 or 20/20 each morning. And the most confusing part is, on days when mask seal is bad (0/20), my AHI is MUCH lower - like, 6 or so - than it is on days when the mask seal is good, AHI 15-22ish. Why on earth would that be? Stands to reason that the better the mask seal, the more effective the therapy but apparently not?! And especially odd when I haven’t been constantly fiddling with the straps and I always sleep in the same position. Theoretically nothing should be changing wildly from night to night but app data suggests otherwise.
On another note, if any veterans have advice for mouth dryness I’m all ears. I get congested at night and am consequently a mouth breather, have humidifier on the machine and heated tube but it doesn’t really make any difference. But mainly here for any thoughts or similar experiences on the weird correlation between better AHI and poor mask seal.
Thanks!

What I learned Day 12 of the Karen Read trial:
1) Auntie Bev calls sidebar to remind Lally he’s prosecuting Karen Read and not a defense attorney for the Alberts
2) Marie Hartnett doesn’t understand how she failed her proficiency exam because she studied David Caruso and CSI Miami for hours
3) Norfolk county breathes a sigh of relief that someone knows how to use evidence tape
4) The swabs sent in from Norfolk county tested positive for pig DNA. Julie Nagel is nervous the Feds will find out she tossed the ham hock she was gnawing on out the window and that was in fact the blob on the lawn and transferred DNA to John’s clothes
5) Today’s no shit Sherlock moment - random plastic containers like red solo cups are not sterile for collecting blood evidence. There goes Helena’s kitchen budget
6) There is a correlation between Liabetes and the Amnesia pandemic overtaking Canton. Those who have taken truth serum have no problem recalling events
7) No one knows why Lally called Ryan Nagel and friends to testify. They hurt the CW’s case
8) Lally caught on hot mic “He’s bound to mess this up”. He was referring to himself in the third person.
9) Ryan Nagel subtlely mentioned the Federal Investigation - not all heroes wear capes
10) Allie McCabe displays all the signs of liabetes. Anxiety, red face, beads of sweat, labored breathing
11) Allie McCabe should be believed because she rescues dogs on random Friday nights. But she couldn’t save Chloe
12) Allie McCabe doesn’t realize that the day changes at midnight. You have to research better before you alter your text messages.
13) Steve Jobs is rolling in his grave to hear Allie deny her knowledge of iPhones
14) Teenagers everywhere are asking their parents to move to Canton where the drinking age is apparently 17
15) Tristan Morris should give Allie McCabe his watch. She can at least tell time
16) Allie McCabe learned today that lying when the defense has your electronic footprint from the Feds isn’t really a great idea
17) Allie listened to her mom when she was advised to start crying if she messes up. She’s up for an Academy Award
18) Allie said “Colin wasn’t in the house when John was there” ummm…….John was there???
19) Colin Albert took his choir boy Halloween costume out of the closet and wore it to court to try to fool the jury
20) Colin can be Tristan’s trivia partner because no one is picking him either

freekarenread #JusticeForJohnOkeefe

We've had our dog since we got married and she's seen me through two miscarriages, infertility, and a flood. She's 10 now and we were just told that she has congestive heart failure with a grade 4 murmur. She was having trouble breathing two weeks ago and we had to leave her at the emergency vet over night. She got better and is now of several medications (2 for her heart and 1 for fluid in her lungs). Her breathing has been great since. She's playful, alert, and eating very well. We also have a 1 year old pup and they're have a ball.
This morning I don't know what happened she's a small dog (she's a mutt from the shelter but she looks like a jack russell) but she fell/jumped off the bed and we heard her cry like a loud piercing kind of cry and then she stopped crying and stayed in that fallen position (on her side). She was breathing heavy but couldn't move for at least 2 minutes. We picked her and started saying some of her favorite words like treat and outside and weren't getting a reaction like usual. Of course we started panicking, I called work and said I wouldn't be in, we're trying to figure out if it's time to drive the hour to the emergency vet and just like that we started to feed our other dog before we left and she was fine. She got up wagging her tail, excited and ready to eat. I stayed home with her and she's been fine and playful all day. We'll still take her to the vet. But I'm wondering if this is part of her CHF? Is this her getting closer to the end? How do you know if your dog is in pain?
She did something similar years ago where she was standing and didn't move or respond and tipped over, but that lasted seconds and there was no yelping.

Good day all,
So some background I'm:
25M 180m 80kg -(last time I weighed) Relatively healthy, I do suffer from allergies and asthma.
So the story, my roommate was quite hectically sick and I fully expected to get sick as well, but I didn't. This was little more than a week ago and at the same time I had a huge zit that had a bit of a green tinge in the puss that I removed.
Then I found a swollen lymph node (I think that is what it is) that was about the size of a pea and a smaller one right next to it, not big enough to be seen on my face, only felt when you feel underneath my chin towards my throat.
Reasons why I am worried:
It has been 2 weeks already. It doesn't hurt at all. It feels rubbery, but it does seem like I can. move it with my finger though not much. The zit has disappeared and I don't have any other noticeable ailments. I am quite tired, but I work weird shift hours so It could be that, I am still able to easily do my everyday life, but I'm definitely tired.
Reasons why I'm not worried:
I have no other cancer symptoms(no night sweats, fever, intense fatigue) It feels quite smooth and round. I think it has gotten softer, but I could be imagining it.
I am trying to see a doctor, but getting an appointment takes some time. Thought I'd get some input from here in the meanwhile.

I wrote this for a writing prompt in writingprompts, but not many people will see it because the prompt is a little old. I just wanted to share. Wrote during breaks at work so forgive me if it’s a little rough around the edges.
The prompt was, “Watching the man or woman of your dreams fall in love with someone else.”
feedback appreciated
::Caitlyn::
I watched her through her kitchen window.
She stood by the sink—wine glass in her hand, gently swirling it as she looked at her phone. God, was she pretty tonight. The yellow kitchen light cast a glow upon her skin, and I swear she was the brightest thing in the room—more so even than the bulb itself. Fishnet lace snaked up her legs, red as summer wine, and her bathrobe parted just enough at the top to tease—just enough to draw your attention to it so that she could playfully scold you for looking.
It’s what she did. I knew what she was waiting for, though. This was the first night he hadn’t shown up in over a week.
I didn’t get it. This guy—the guy who tracks muddy boots through the house, the guy that smokes cigarettes in the laundry room even when she specifically tells him not to, the guy who hasn’t touched a single dirty dish in as long as he’d been there—a dirty anything for that matter, and he’s the one she swoons for? Fucking bastard. That’s all he was. A dirty fucking bastard that didn’t deserve a woman even half as lovely as my Caitlyn.
She doesn’t get it—really, she doesn’t and it makes me feel kind of sorry for her. God, I mean if she only knew the things I’d do for her—the things that we have in common. We would be so happy together. I like to read just like she does, the same genres and everything. I even picked up the book she started last week, and it’s already one of my favorites. She likes to jog; I like to jog; she likes binging shows; I like binging shows. Both of us have a horrible sweet tooth as well. I can never help but smile at the thought of that.
Now, it’s three hours past eight, which was the time that he was supposed to arrive. She’d moved to the couch and was now lying on her back, letting one leg dangle to the floor. Blue light from the TV illuminated her features in the dark of the room, and it was not difficult to tell that she was upset. God, I hate to see her cry.
Occasionally, she would glance over. She would peer out the window with that solemn face and look in my direction. At first, I thought she was trying to see over me, to look over the hedge and into the trees behind her drive. After a few of her glances, though, I wasn’t convinced that she wasn’t looking directly at me. Maybe she needed me. Perhaps this is her way of saying, “Come get me, Richard.” And what if it is? What if this was my chance, and I missed it because I thought about it too hard? Maybe she knew I’d been out here, watching all along, for all this time. If that was the case, then she surely knew that I wouldn’t be able to resist those watery eyes. It was time—time to be the man she needed—to finally confess my love for her, then hold her tight as she did the same.
I straightened myself—no more hiding. No more lurking in the shadows while she filled the void in her heart with all of these other worthless men. It was time she had a real man, a man who cared.
I walked to the door. For a second, I wondered if she’d left it unlocked for me. She’d done that before and pretended she was asleep whenever I made my way inside. She always did like to tease like that. I almost just opened it and walked straight in, but on second thought, I figured it might’ve been a little jarring. I decided to knock instead. To knock in the same sort of way that my heart was currently knocking against my eardrums. Why was I so nervous? She loved me; I knew she did, but still, I was nervous. Sweat beaded down the side of my face like condensation. I wiped it away with my sleeve and took a deep breath. This was it. In a few moments, I’d finally have my Caitlyn. I’d finally hold her in my arms like I’d always dreamed.
I brought my fist to the door, and my stomach tightened into a knot.
Just as I was about to do it, I heard gravel crunch in the distance.
Quickly, I darted back into the safety of the shadows, and I could see two bright headlights coming through the trees as they bounced down the dirt road.
It was him—the old Chevy Silverado with the silver toolbox in the back.
Of course, it had to be him.
He’d messed up this time, though; there was no way she’d forgive him now, not after tonight. With a smirk, I watched, wondering what kind of pitiful attempt he’d make to try and win her back this time, knowing that whatever it was wouldn’t be enough. Then he stepped out of his truck.
He was covered in black grease from head to foot and wore a mechanic uniform. He held something small in his arms, something with a bright red bow tied around its neck. It was hard to tell, but it looked like a little black lab from where I stood. Trustingly, it pressed its head against his chest and darted its eyes around the new scenery.
He walked up the porch steps. He was going to knock, but before he could, Caitlyn flung the door inward and glared at him. As much as I hated how she felt, that twisted expression of anger she gave him gave me more joy than I could’ve imagined. That joy was only fleeting, though. The man flashed a white smile as he looked down at his arms, rubbing the puppy’s head. It melted the expression right off of her face.
“Oh my God!” She squealed, happily shuffling her feet as she held her arms out.
I was appalled. A puppy? One dog and all of his sins are erased?
The two of them seemed so giddy together. They laughed and hugged and spoke in high voices to the puppy while they rubbed his head. The whole scene made me sick to my stomach if you really want to know the truth.
I don’t know how he did it—how he managed to weasel his way back into her heart and occupy the space that was so rightfully mine—truly, I didn’t. Who knows, maybe it was all an act. Perhaps it was her way of telling me, “you should’ve knocked.” And now, this is my punishment.
Maybe I should’ve. Maybe then I could’ve been the one to answer that door. A puppy wouldn’t soften my eyes, not like hers. I failed her, I know, but I will not fail her again. That is the last night he will ever come knocking on her door. I’m certain of it.

this happens to me every couple of months sometimes more often. i’ll wake up in the middle of the night and ill be drenched in an uncomfortable amount of sweat but freezing cold even if i have blankets on, and i have to pile on multiple blankets to start feeling warmish again. wondering if anyone else experiences this and if anyone knows why it happens? google isn’t giving me any results. also it’s not because of nightmares
other potentially relevant info - normally i don’t get cold easily plus i don’t live in a particularly cold country. i have chronic insomnia and either delayed sleep phase disorder or non 24 sleep wake disorder (i was diagnosed with DSPD when i was a kid but i believe i may have been misdiagnosed and may actually have non 24).

first off i just want to say i'm not looking to run with new players, sorry but i'm looking for experienced players. i have 1.3k hours, mostly on survivor. looking for people with similar experience. i'm not gonna act like i'm a god, i'm definitely not the best, but i know what i'm doing.. most of the time.
i'm not looking to sweat. chill games, no rage quitting or anything. i'm fine with running meta or meme builds, but i would like to escape some games.
i usually play without comms, so i would like to communicate mostly through discord text unless i'm up for VC.
i play on NA east servers. i can play on NA west, but my ping is usually mid 80s-low 90s. so ideally i'd want to play with someone that also plays on east. i am in US central time. i usually play in the afternoon or at night.
if interested, reply to this post or send me a DM.

Hey everyone -
Thank you in advance for any help / suggestions you might be able to offer. I’ve been struggling with some annoying symptoms the past few months and I’m hoping that someone might be able to provide some insight / reassurance.
So, basics: 31 y/o white male, exercise 7-10 hours a week (cycling primarily), 145 lbs, 5’9, I eat a balanced diet, lots of fruits, vegetables, limited red meat, lean protein, etc. Mediterranean diet essentially. No drinking, no smoking. I am generally rather healthy - I typically get one, maybe two, colds a year. I’m a teacher, so I’m exposed to quite a bit of germs / viruses, but I generally take care of myself enough to avoid most of it. I sleep probably about 7 hours a night on average - could definitely bump that up, but never less than 6 hours and typically 7.5+. I got the Pfizer vaccine back in 2021, booster in early 2022. Admittedly, I haven’t had a booster since, nor do I usually get a flu shot. I plan on rectifying both of those this year.
This year, I have just gotten absolutely decimated with sicknesses and it is really starting to wear on my mental health. It has kept me from exercising as much as I’d like, which, in turn, has made me more and more depressed and frustrated.
Rough timeline: Mid-December 2023: Mild cold which lasted for about 5 days. Usual stuff, congestion, sore throat, general malaise and stuffiness. Cleared pretty quickly, took 4 days off from exercise, biked on the 5th day and felt fine. Energy bounced back within a few days.
Late January 2024: Similar cold symptoms come on, I take 2 days off from exercise, thought I felt better, exercised on the 3rd and 4th day, probably overdid it and ended up relapsing pretty hard. Had to take another 6 days completely off, was able to exercise again on the 7th day but felt pretty weak. Took it easy for 3 days before I started feeling strong again.
Late February 2024: Went to Peru for a friend’s wedding - at the airport on the way home I started feeling chills all over and my stomach was just absolutely killing me. The flight home was miserable, as you could imagine. Went to urgent care, they prescribed some stuff for the stomach pain, which seemed to work. I only took 1 day off from exercise, resumed exercise the following day and actually felt completely normal strength / energy wise. Only strange lingering thing was that after this bout of whatever, I would frequently get goosebumps every time I changed clothes, regardless of how cold it really was. Felt fine otherwise, no chills, just weird goosebumps which would go away within a minute or so of changing.
Early April 2024: Came down with symptoms again - same as usual: sore throat, head cold / congestion, general malaise, low energy. Symptoms came on a Sunday night, felt pretty terrible Monday morning. I had an important cycling race that following Saturday, so I tried to recover for that. Slept a bunch, drank a bunch of water, DayQuil during the day which seemed to help. I tried going for easy rides twice that week - once on Tuesday, once on Thursday. Both times, I felt ok with regards to my breathing / congestion, but my muscles felt really weak. Legs just had no power. I felt relatively ok on Friday driving down to the race, felt absolutely terrible during the race on Satuday and ended up dropping out. Took Sunday completely off, took a COVID test to be safe, came back negative, starting riding again that next Monday and felt surprisingly ok - figured I was out of the woods. Rode that whole week, felt good, not great. That Sunday, I start feeling off again, symptoms come back on Monday. I take 2 days completely off, try riding again and I just have no energy whatsoever. Muscles feel so weak and achey. I take 4 more days completely off, start riding again next week and take it really, really easy to work my way back into it. I contact my doctor and the PA that works for him thinks it is allergies - he says to take a double-dose of antihistamines daily and that he thinks that is what is causing the symptoms + the fatigue. I try this for a week with little improvement to my energy levels / muscle strength. Still feeling congested at this point. I go back to him a week later, he orders some blood tests - everything comes back in the normal range. Only thing outside the normal range is WBC count which is at 3.9 where the low level of normal is 4.0, so pretty close to normal. Symptoms persist, so I go back, now he thinks it might be a sinus infection - he does inspect my sinuses and says they look inflamed. He prescribes antibiotics (amox) which I have taken for a week now. Congestion / sore throat is improved, but I still have absolutely no energy and my muscles, especially my calf muscles, are just constantly achey / sore / weak. He said if I don’t see improvement in another week, he’ll order more tests, but I’m getting really frustrated and disheartened at this point. I’m able to ride, but I just feel so weak when I’m doing it and I don’t think I’m actually benefiting at all from the training, although I do enjoy just being outside.
I have never gotten this sick, this often. I feel like I cannot do the things that make me happy, which, in turn, makes my mental health worse, which probably is also wearing on my physical health. What else could this possibly be?

Hi all,
Has anyone here switched from Zoloft to Celexa?
I had THOUGHT Zoloft was a dream med for me. After 2 months I was on the top of the world. My anxiety and depression had gone down immensely. I could leave the house. I could be social again. I just felt SO happy. Until I didn't. I was on 50mg and had discussed with my PCP today about upping to 75mg because I just felt like it wasn't doing anything anymore.
Then I talked about my night sweats (a problem I thought I solved but came back with vengeance) My doctor said that after 5 months I should not be having night sweats that are drenching me. But then also said this is a common problem with SSRI's. And then suggested a switch to Celexa? UGH I just do not know what to do but I want to stop feeling this way. And sweating. I want that to stop too.

Made it to day 3, last night was not too bad except for sleep, couldn't conk out until like 5am. After that I had the strangest dreams ever, not terrifying or anything (although in a couple of them I was drinking, which is horrifying in its own right).
I ended up hitting my weed pen a bit after work, gaming out (which was great, I haven't had any drive or encouragement for my hobbies in so goddamn long, instead I preferred wasting away at a bartop) and cleaned up the room I'm renting. Washed my sheets and it was so nice to sleep in a fresh bed after sweating profusely the last couple of days.
Today my old sponsor reached out to me, out of the blue (haven't talked to him in months) and asked how I was doing/if I was sober yet. Funny how that works, eh? Not ready to go back to AA yet fully but I'm going to attend the old meeting I used to go to on Friday a few towns over. Nervous to see everyone because of the shame, but excited to be around people after self-isolating the last few months (and sober people at that).
Anyways, I suppose I'm treating this sub as my journal for the next few, good to be able to reflect on this for future, as well as my actual journal for the more delicate topics.
Thanks for being here.
D the Pooh

Apologies - I realise this is a First World rant but… indulge me.
I am increasingly wound up (Victor Meldrew style) by the fact that cars and especially SUVs and electric cars are now much bigger (especially wider) and taking up more and more space in a world not built for them. Manufacturers foist this shit on us but why oh why do people who live in already congested communities insist on getting massive fat SUVs that dominate?
In Bristol most of the city streets are narrow andridiculously choked made worse by modern fat cars. Status cars like BMW X7, Audi E-tron, Volvo XC90
I live where there is effectively only on-street parking and parking after 6pm is very difficult, usually nigh-on impossible, even with a small car so much so that I avoid making a journey in the evening as I wouldn't be able to park later that night.
The whole thing is made worse by households with multiple cars and especially those who have SUVs or worse VW Oceans and VW Transporter camper conversions. These things take up so much space and are a ‘poor’ man's second home a.k.a "can't-actually-afford-a-second-home-but-we-can-afford-a-50k-van-which-gets-used-once-a-week"
Why the fuck must people who live in a congested neighbourhood/city buy big fuck-off cars making the problem worse? It’s fuckin’ stupid and selfish.

There's been quite a bit of discussion about cohesiveness and what songs fit or don't fit the album, ZB1, etc... so I kind of wanted to have a more light-hearted discussion on how people would order the track list if it were their choice (personally, I think that's where more of the incohesion stems from)...
I've just had a lot of fun in my head switching songs around and creating potential performance set lists so I've had several versions in mind, but this is the one I'm currently the most into (instead of dark to light, etc. I'm going hot to cool with this one haha):

1. Solar Power - I've seen quite a few people say it doesn't fit, but to me it actually ties in really well with the following songs and feels like either an opener (as it is) or a closing song. I think this song gives very sort of 'I'm feeling myself'/'I'll show you my power' vibe and it quite literally makes me think of hot (heh)... like, I imagine the stage literally set on fire (like a LED screen/floor mixed with maybe a bit of real fire with fire flowers and stuff) and the boys literally walking out/performing on the sun. I think the vocal parts also fit the coming songs. Also, maybe like getting up in the morning with lots of energy.
2. Dear Eclipse - The fact that it's Solar -> Eclipse tickled me a lot, but also, I think that both the songs give off a bit of that confident sexy vibe so it just makes sense to me. Like, imagine the red/orange/yellow from the burning stage suddenly going all cool, but with spots of fire (like the ring when there's an eclipse) and a bit of a Over Me prop choreo
3. Sweat - this and Dear Eclipse are the most r&b-focused songs so it just works both sonically and thinking performance wise... like, so far it's been - I'm confident, etc... and now I'll make you feel it (i.e. make you sweat)... but also, the video colour grading reminds me a bit of the hazy daylight while an eclipse is ending... and the song is a refreshing sexy haha
4. Feel the Pop - actually, I was having the most trouble placing this... it really is a bit of a whiplash after Solar Power and before Dear Eclipse (even tho I read that the song samples the piano from FTP) and something about it really didn't fit near Hello to me either... but I think it fit's here - after making you sweat, we'll give you something a bit more refreshing (soda pop heh). So the eclipse is now over and we're all talking about it and going a little crazy (like the parties ppl had with the more recent eclipse)
5. Sunday Ride - it's like, after you had a day of work, sweating, etc. you're not chilling in the car with your soda drink haha idk, it seemed to fit and it also gives a bit of a cool down before we get all emotional. Definitely sunset vibes, maybe some sort of sit down performance or just no choreo, vibing.
6. Hello - It did feel a bit odd to me to end a track list with 'Hello', but the lyrics themselves allude more to endings than beginnings, so I think it makes sense. Also, I don't really drive, but it feels like when you're on a drive/ride sometimes you get very sentimental thinking back on things, so I think it makes perfect sense after a song like Sunday Ride. Picturing this when it's already night and you're looking at the stars and the people you went on a ride with... so basically, a day with ZB1 where you wake up energized for a trip and you go to experience the eclipse with friends and ending your day with those friends under the night sky (maybe wishing on a star).

What do you guys think of this list and what would you switch around? I mostly ordered them on (my) feeling, as well as more linking the vibe of the song and maybe vocal... I did think maybe the order could be reversed, but I feel a little odd going from crying at Hello to hype mode with Solar Power in the end haha
ETA: just realized that the only change I really made is just move FTP to a different spot haha but it makes sense to me like this

I get my Ozempic from a compound pharmacy. I took my new dose Friday evening and woke up Friday night with sudden onset profuse/projectile vomiting. This is supposed to be the highest dose they offer.
I ended up spending 4 days in bed with constant gagging and vomiting (couldn’t even keep water down), extreme nausea, cold sweats, and very painful electric shock like feelings down my arms from vomiting so hard. I ended up puking up pink foam, some little black chunks that looked like coffee grounds, and some blood.
I almost went to the ER because I couldn’t even keep my anti nausea meds down or any sip of water I took. 4 days without being able to keep water down is kind of wild.
Is this how it’s going to be every time at this dose?
I lost 10lbs over the weekend (understandable), but I’ve already gained it all back and it’s Tuesday. What the heck is going on? Could it be because it’s from a compound pharmacy? None of the other doses did this to me.

Credit to Blue for the wonderful cover art of Trilvri
Thank you to:
u/SpacePaladin15 for creating the Nature of Predators universe.
u/EdibleGojid, author of Dark Cuts, for proofreading.
EmClear, aspiring author, for proofreading
You, the reader, for your support. I love reading your comments.
Please consider reading the works of my proofreaders as they’re all authors of excellent stories and be sure to check the links below for more of my work and beautiful art from members of the community.
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Memory transcription subject: Sawvek, Junior Extermination Officer
Date [standardised human time]: October 5th, 2136
Hard foam presses uncomfortably up against delicate pressure points situated across the length of my entire body, building up to an unbearable ache that makes me shift and turn against the thin mattress pad. I yank at the rough old blanket I’d taken out of storage and clutch it even tighter around my body, trying to keep out the chill. The best racks, the ones near the heating vents, had already been claimed long before I’d decided to move into the Guild House’s Barracks and it doesn’t seem likely that the current occupants will be giving up their spots any time soon.
My mind is still racing from the events of last paw, replaying the scene over and over again in my dreams and in my head. The way my brother had looked at me… That look on his face when he’d seen the real me…
My paw gives a sympathetic throb in memory, still aching from where it had met the wall, but at least I had been able to wrap it up a bit and stop the bleeding. I feel like I should take it as a small miracle that it isn't broken. More medical bills are the last thing I need right now.
I turn about in the bunk once more, rolling around in vain to try and find a comfortable position that doesn’t seem to exist. Through a conscious act of will I try to empty my mind and sleep, but the very act of trying not to think about things only brings them bubbling back up to the surface of my thoughts. My heartbeat echoes in my ears, a damnable drumming sound brought about by the exertion of my own restless tossing and turning. Out in the hallway I can hear the muffled shuffling of feet and murmurs of conversation. The Guild Hall never sleeps, and it seems that neither would I this paw.
Electing to abandon the attempt as hopeless, I cut my rest claw short and get up, venturing out into the hallway. If I can’t sleep anyway then I might as well start my waking claw early, maybe get in a little exercise. It’s not so bad when it’s self-directed, almost fun in a way. If our family had the money to support it then maybe I could have been an athlete of some variety growing up. I had always possessed something of a natural physicality.
“Stop wasting time with worthless questions about what could have been, Killer.” The voice interjects, early and active today by the sound of it. “You’ll never amount to anything more than a wild predator kept on a leash.”
There’s nothing to do but sigh and carry on. It was right after all. This is it. This is my life now.
Making my way down the hallway towards the gym I find myself walking past a row of private offices assigned to some of the more veteran officers on staff. Most are empty at this claw, their occupants either asleep or off doing other work. One room in particular catches my attention though, the one belonging to our newest PRED Team Commander.
The door leading inside is open and ajar, seemingly forgotten in the midst of more pressing business and granting me a look inside. The entire room is a mess, papers and binders strewn about everywhere with official looking documents littering the floor. A map of the city decorates the otherwise unadorned and impersonal space. On its face it hosts a variety of multicoloured pins, all connecting seemingly arbitrary locations as well as photographs of people and places from the records department. The face of the former PRED Team Commander, Vrienna, looks out at me once again with the same cruel eyes that decorate the memorial wall. Beside her photo are another pair of eyes, a pair I recognise, but not one I would have expected to see here.
Trilvri, my brother’s creepy coworker, the one who’d brought him home the night he’d drunk himself into a stupor, stares out at me from the wall. He was younger in this photo, barely of age, if even that, and dressed in a regulation space corps flight suit, but I could still recognise him. Trilvri’s eyes appear somehow more lively than when I had met him in person, though it does nothing to improve his overall disposition, looking, as they are, as if behind them resides only hatred and a feral desire to kill and rend. Come to think of it, he had mentioned he used to be in the corps hadn’t he? ‘Used to’ being the operative word. When I’d asked he hadn’t seemed particularly fond of his time in the service…
Situated as he is next to Vrienna like that, their pitch-black wool and evil-looking eyes bear a striking resemblance. It was the exact same sort of predatory expression that bore into your soul, the kind that made me feel weak and exposed, the same kind that was worn by-
“What do you think you’re doing in my office?” A voice asks from behind, nonplussed, but with a casual depth of power and authority behind it that makes me freeze on the spot.
“Commander Glagrig, Sir!” I turn about on the spot, fixed at attention in the doorway as I stare up at the man himself. “I’m sorry to intrude. I noticed someone had forgotten to close the door so I was just going to secure it.”
“I see.” Glagrig doesn’t seem to believe a word of it, but neither does he seem inclined to press the issue. “At ease. Tell me, do you recognise the man in the photo there? Have you ever seen him before?”
“No, Commander.” I lie reflexively as I shift to a parade rest, not fully knowing why, but knowing that whatever is going on I want no part of it, for me or my brother. It’s only after the fact that it occurs to me that lying might be worse than telling the truth.
“How… regrettable.” The prestige officer says plainly and I can’t tell whether he believes me or not. “If you do ever catch sight of this individual, then be sure to let me know immediately.”
“Y-Yes, Commander.” I subconsciously swallow with apprehension, hoping that he doesn’t notice. I want nothing more than to run away as quickly as I can, but I haven’t been dismissed yet.
“Junior Officer Sawvek, was it?” Glagrig carries on, looking me up and down, dissecting me with his eyes. “You have quite the interesting record on file and Officer Intalran is quite adamant about your potential. Your simulator results speak for themselves, even if they are just simulations.”
“Thank you, Commander.” I can feel myself growing dizzy as I answer with uncertainty.
“Don’t thank me,” the all-consuming void in front of me replies with no hint of warmth, “just remember that your performance is under evaluation. It’s in my interests to keep note of promising young aspirants who might someday join my team, and I would hate to see you squander your talents.”
“I-I understand, Commander.” I flick my tail in agreement, straining not to look away towards the floor.
“Dismissed.” Glagrig brushes past me as he enters his office, moving to shut the door behind himself.
“Um, Commander?” I ask just before the door shuts, feeling a beckoning call of curiosity that even the predatory prestige exterminator couldn’t crush. “If you don’t mind me asking… Why do you have all that stuff up on the wall there?”
The door opens again, just a crack, and I can feel my superiors' weighty presence bearing down on me, almost suffocating in its intensity. “It’s simply a personal matter. I have reason to believe that the prior investigation regarding the kelach incident was conducted according to… insufficient standards. The predator responsible was never found and I intend to remedy that deficiency.”
“How hard could it be to find a kelach?” I tilt my ears in confusion. “They're huge!”
“Despite initial reports,” he answers with an ominous, cold tone that sends a chill up my spine, “it may be possible that we're dealing with something far more dangerous than just a kelach.”
“T-Thank you, Commander.” I flick my tail in appreciation and the door closes.
I breathe a sigh of relief as the malevolent aura recedes. That was too close.
“And you’re a complete moron going back to ask him more questions afterwards, Killer.” The voice rises with amusement. “What? Do you want him to figure you out and turn you to cinders? Only a matter of time, Killer.”
“Ugh, shut up.” I mutter under my breath, quickly turning back around to make sure Commander Glagrig didn’t hear me, but when no reprisal comes I quickly depart. If I’m gonna be stupid I should at least try not to do so right in front of his office.
As the imminent threat of our in-house prestige exterminator dwindles so too does the energy driven by the adrenaline of the encounter. It figures that the moment I roll out of bed I want to take a nap again, but I know the moment I lie back down I’ll be back to full wakefulness in an instant. That’s just how that sort of thing works. With that in mind there’s really only one solution, a big, steaming hot cup of tea.
Making my way towards the tea machine I spot Jonsco, the feisty little primitive that mans our dispatch centre, smacking the top of the dispenser with a clenched paw while holding a mug underneath it.
“Is the tea machine fixed?” I ask as I pull out a mug from the cabinet myself.
Jonsco sighs heavily and shoots me a combative glare. “For the last time it’s not my brahking job to fix this damn tea machine! You got a problem with that then you can go pester someone else about it!”
I shrink back under the harsh rebuke. Jonsco may be small, but there was as much rage and fury condensed into that little package as anyone else in this department. Maybe more.
“I… I didn’t mean to imply…I just wanted to know if it was working again or not… Sorry.” I sputter out, feeling properly admonished as I look away towards the ground.
Jonsco looks at me quizzically, his hard glare softening somewhat as he seems to truly see me for the first time before returning to his usual scowl.
“Right…Whatever you say…” With one final smack the machine coughs and chokes, sputtering to life with a struggle, and a small trickle of freshly brewed tea begins to fill Jonsco’s cup. “The machine is on the fritz again as usual, but if you hit it just right, do a little percussive maintenance, then you can get it started again.”
“Thanks, Jonsco.” I lean back against the wall and watch as the mug slowly fills, impressed by the primitives know-how. “That's actually pretty smart of you.”
“For a ‘primitive’ right?” The words are barbed and spiteful, but lack his typical enthusiasm, more of a simple statement of fact than a real question. I couldn't exactly deny it, those had been my thoughts, and so the silence drags on awkwardly, marked only by the splash of tea falling into the steadily rising pool.
“What are you doing here at this claw anyway?” I eventually ask, dodging the question entirely. “We’ve still got at least another half-claw until our crew's shift is supposed to start.”
“I could ask you the same thing, you know?” The angry little dispatch operator retorts. “I'm here early working an overtime shift so I can afford to put food on my family's table. It's expensive feeding that many mouths. What's your excuse?”
“I had a fight with my brother…” I rub the back of my neck as I turn away abashedly, “moved out of the apartment and into the barracks full time… couldn't sleep…”
“Well then you should hurry up and work on patching things up with him.” Jonsco looks at me with an uncharacteristic hint of sympathy in his eyes. “Your family are the only ones who might actually care. This Gods-damned place is a slyther’s nest and no one here gives a speh about you or your problems. If you want my advice, you should do your best to spend as little time in this cesspool as possible.”
With his cup now full, Jobsco steps back from the machine and begins walking out towards the main hall.
“Thanks, Jonsco.” My words stop him in his tracks as he walks away from me. “I appreciate it.”
“... You're welcome.” He says after a short pause, glancing back to look at me one more time before leaving. “See you around, Sawvek.”
Taking advantage of the tea machine while it’s still mostly working, I fill up my own cup and drink deeply of the warm, fragrant beverage. The taste is bitter and unpleasant, just about the quality I would expect of this Guild Hall, but even at the first taste it’s evident that it’s been loaded with an extra strength dose of caffeine. I down the drink quickly and rinse out the cup before continuing on my journey towards the training hall. Fatigue begins to fall away as I walk, bit by bit as the drug makes its way into my bloodstream, blocking off sleep receptors and energising me. I know I’ll probably pay for it later, no amount of caffeine can actually replace sleep, but for now it feels good and I can see how some people can get addicted to the stuff.
A loud, metallic clanging emanates from the gym as I approach, something unexpected for this time of paw. No one's reserved space in the gym for this claw and not many people are industrious enough to sweat on their own initiative. Peeking my head inside the door I spy Bikim, the perfect, privileged, ‘holier than thou’ brahkass occupying the otherwise empty weight room. His irritatingly handsome face is taut with strain as he performs a series of weighted squats, his back and leg muscles straining underneath his short-cropped wool, and he pants heavily under the exertion.
I’m half tempted just to leave and go back to bed despite the fact that there’s no way I’d be getting any sleep with the tea running through my system. It’s too early in the paw to deal with Bikim’s speh. Before I can slip away unnoticed though, he spots me. I give a heavy sigh and continue my way inside. There's nothing to be done for it now. Trying to back out now would only make things worse later, a sign of weakness.
“What… Do you want… Predator?” Bikim asks between gulps of air as he reracks his weights, practically hanging off the bar to support himself on shaky legs.
“Good paw to you too, Bikim.” I say, forcing civility into my tone. “I’m here to use the equipment. Same as you. I'm allowed.”
“Whatever…” He eyes me with suspicion. “Just keep your distance… I don't want to catch any of your taint.”
“Believe me,” I flick my tail out in irritation, “I intend to.”
Looking around the room for available spots, I march my way over towards a cable machine on the opposite side of the room. Not nearly as far from Bikim as I would like, but the farthest I can get without leaving the weight area entirely. Bikim watches me all the while as I seat myself down and begin adjusting the machine. Eventually he grows tired of watching me fumble around with the machine and returns to his own exercises with a displeased flick of the tail, quite obviously judging me for my lack of experience with the equipment.
A tense sort of quiet settles over the room as we each go about our business, trying our best to ignore one another. Bikim slowly winds his way around the room, cycling from station to station to exercise all the different parts of his body in sequence before repeating it all again. He seems to bypass my corner of the room, glancing over at me with each repetition of his pattern. For myself, I stay put where I am, taking advantage of the varied exercises offered by the versatile machine to experiment with different muscle groups. Occasionally I slip up, dropping the weights with a loud clang that always draws Bikim’s ire. Every time he seems just a bit more disgruntled, a bit less patient. Eventually, the constant disruption reaches a tipping point and the pompous, self-entitled jerk walks over to confront me.
“Do you always do this?” He asks rhetorically. “If you keep slamming the weights like that you're gonna break it. Your form is speh so either fix it or lower the weight so you don't have to keep compensating. Better yet, just leave. You’ve been monopolising the cable machine for almost half a claw now. I don't know why you're even here in the first place.”
“Oh, look at Mr. Know-it-all thinking he can just go around telling us what to do, eh Killer?” The voice rises to the challenge. “Where does a guy like that who's been handed everything his whole life think he can get off with telling us how we should be doing anything?”
“Brahk off Bikim!” I don't even try to reign in the predator inside, feeling justified in letting it roam free for once. “I didn't ask for your advice and you don't get to kick me out of the weight room just because you can't wait your turn! I'm here because I don't have anywhere else to go! Ever since Intalran dragged me into this stupid Guild this brahking job has taken over my entire life! I don't even have a home to go back to anymore!”
Bikim's body tenses at my tirade and his tail flicks out aggressively like a whip.
“That's your own damn fault, predator!” He shouts back, eager for the excuse to vent his own frustrations. “Maybe if you weren't just some blood-starved beast out roaming the streets then you wouldn't be here right now! I’ve read your file! You got a history of herdless behaviour and physical altercations! Someone should have institutionalised you a long time ago, but someone took pity on you and let you slip through the cracks because of your poor dying mommy! They should have known it would come back to bite them! A normal, functional member of the herd wouldn't even think to pick a flamer up off the ground and burn another person to death with it! But you? You did it instinctively! You revelled in it!”
“You think that was easy for me!” I get up and walk towards him as I yell incredulously. “You think I asked for that to happen! You think it was fun for me to get choked out and almost eaten! That thing I burned wasn't even a person anymore! It was a predator in the middle of a feeding frenzy! So yeah, I did what I did, and you know what? It's a good thing I did! If I wasn't a freak of nature then that thing would have kept on going and kept on killing! Last I checked, preventing that sorta thing was supposed to be your job, but I had to be the one to step up! Now I have to live with the consequences of my actions every paw, knowing that I’m a Protector-damned killer that doesn't belong anywhere! Maybe you, in your infinite wisdom, would've known the perfect thing to do in that situation, but I’m not you! I’ve had to work and struggle for every little thing I have! Not just had it handed to me on a silver platter!”
“Oh, so you got me all figured out do you?” Sarcasm drips from Bikim's mouth as he looks down on me. “You don't know me. You don't know my life or what I’ve been through, how hard I’ve worked to get where I am. You just see the end product from cycles of effort and assume that it's always been that way, that it's always been that easy. It hasn't.”
“Yes, I’m sure you had it so hard growing up Bikim.” Saying it aloud almost makes me laugh. “You’re such a child of privilege that it drips off of you with every move you make and every word you say. I hate people like you, thinking that you're better than everyone else just because you were lucky enough to be born into wealth and status. Try living like the other side for a change, scrounging for every credit just so you can afford to eat, and then try to tell me how hard you had it with a full belly and a warm home!”
“You’re right, predator,” Bikim says contemptuously, “I am a child of privilege. My family has a long and decorated military tradition, my father is a captain for the space corps, a brahking hero, and I’ve reaped the benefits of that. That privilege came at a cost though, and that’s called expectations. Second best is not good enough and I've had to put in ten times the effort as anyone else my whole life just to meet standards! At least you grew up with a father who was there for you and loved you without the condition that everything you do is perfect!”
“All that talk about reading my file and you didn't even get past the first page did you?” I snap at him with a snarl. “ I didn't grow up with a father at all! He's been dead since I was in elementary school! Killed in action! I barely even remember him anymore!”
That one seems to give Bikim pause, but I’m not done yet.
“If you and your whole family are such a bunch of brahking heroes then how come you're here, working as a common garrison exterminator in a run-down backwater city like this?” I taunt. “Shouldn't you be out gallantly fighting the Arxur with one of the fleets or on a colony pacification force rather than making my life here harder than it already is?”
“That's the price for failing to meet expectations,” Bikim quiets down, drawing away from the world and into himself, “the price for knocking up a beautiful, wonderful girl right after graduation and refusing to get rid of it afterwards. You get cut off. You lose that privilege, and you do whatever you have to in order to provide and try to be a good role model for your son.”
Now that one threw me for a loop. In the short time I’ve known Bikim I’ve had a lot of thoughts about him, few of them good, but never would I have expected him to be the type to take responsibility… For anything. Still, there is one thing about his story that doesn't line up…
“Oh really?” I take a step back as I watch for his reaction closely. “I seem to recall Jonsco mentioned just the other day that your wife had left you for a Human.”
“Don't you bring that brahking primitive into this!” Bikim's anger flares in an instant before returning to a subtle simmer of regret. “We’ve just been having a… a rough patch in our relationship. I’m not giving up on us. I’ll win her back. She's just… confused and being taken advantage of! It's all that damn predators fault!” Bikim sighs and sits down on a nearby bench. “You're not the only one whose had something taken from them because of this job. You're not the only one without a home to go back to.”
Looking at Bikim now, a sad, pathetic man moping on the bench with nothing better to do on his rest claw than to try to externalise his inner pain… I find it hard to stay angry at him. He's still a narcissistic brahk ass and a complete jerk, but it's hard to truly hate someone when you actually know them. I had made quite a few assumptions about him when we first met, and he certainly hadn't helped my impression of him since, but… perhaps I was wrong to judge him so harshly?
“Nah,” the voice chortles, “he’s a piece of speh that got what he brahking deserves for being an insufferable prick.”
Overhead the intercom crackles to life and I can hear Jonsco's voice reverberating over the airwaves.
“Officers Vaesh and Sawvek please report to the briefing area for assignment. Repeat. Officers Vaesh and Sawvek please report to the briefing area for assignment.”
“Sounds like it's time for your first field assignment, Kid.” Bikim says, staring up at the intercom. “At least it gets you out of my wool. Try not to brahk it up and make the rest of us look bad.”
“Hmph.” I turn to leave, muttering to myself. “Stupid brahkass.”
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A/N - Hello! Sorry this one took a while. Like I mentioned before I got delayed working on my Ficnapping chapter as well as a crossover One-shot that's still in progress (but hopefully will be done soon). In other news we have new art of Sawvek's life-changing encounter in the Builder's Lane Bloodbath as drawn by Miglove and you can still find that and everything else Nature of Family in the new Master Post linked up above.
If you like the story then please remember to upvote, comment, and use the “!Subscribeme” function to be alerted to all new posts. I post as often as I can but real life has a tendency of getting in the way and my job makes it almost impossible to keep to any kind of schedule. Your engagement and support go a long way towards helping to keep me on track and motivated, so thank you very much for reading and I hope you'll stay tuned for next chapter!

Okay, again, I’m not big on paranormal junk, but I SWEAR I dream other people’s dreams, I have on experience that I remember very vividly, and that’s what I’m sharing today.
So throughout my dream, everything was normal, in fact, it was Awesome! I was riding roller coaster, playing video games, etc. but the whole time, a biblically accurate angle was always in just the corner of my view, (it is not actually an Angle, they are demons, you should look up a picture if you do not know) watching me, but I chose to ignore it and keep going on. Now sometime has passed and I was at home, I got an alert on my phone that was playing the air raid siren sound, and when I picked up my phone, it said, “If you see this, (and there was a picture of the biblically accurate angle) then run and hide immediately!” As I stood there in shock my sister walks up and looks at the picture and says in a shaky voice, “I- I’ve seen that!” And I woke up in shock and fright, sweating and crying, it wasn’t even that scary, so idk why I was so scared, but honestly it meant something, so I want and told my sister. But when I did she hugged me and started praying over me, (keep in mind this part IS real life) She told me that when she was in Papa New Guinea, she stayed in this hut where she could feel death and anger and darkness. She said that the night she stayed in that hut, she woke up to a Biblically accurate angle flying over her, she said she has never told anyone this before. I’ve always had a strong relationship and a spiritual connection with her, and we both were terrified of this experience. This all happened on Christmas Eve too, I didn’t int sleep much that night.

I came down with and was diagnosed with SAI in September 2023, a month after I completed immunotherapy as part of my treatment for breast cancer last year. I also happened to have hit menopause in March 2023, before that happened. I had experienced hot flashes going into menopause (2022), but after it was done they stopped. When I started chemo and throughout my issues first experiencing SAI, I never had them. I am taking hydrocortisone twice daily. All of a sudden in the past few weeks they are back. They are a bit different than before in that they come on like sweats and not so much the tingle, so I'm wondering if this is hot flashes or some sort of symptom of cortisol issues. I also have been experiencing dry mouth and some thirst at night, but urination has been normal (Yellow, liquid in liquid out). These don't appear to be the same problems I experienced when I first got diagnosed so I'm wondering - could these be related to SAI?

Try Perspirex!
For years I have struggled with being sweaty. I've tried just about every women's deoderant, and quite a few for men. None of the 72hr deoderants, super strong sporty ones, Mitchum, stick, spray, cream or natural deoderants have ever done much. Nor did glycolic acid, scrubs, clay masks, or anti bacterial soap. Some products didn't work at all, others did stop BO for 12 hours with light activity only, but that was the max and I'd still get sweat patches. Plus, even "invisible" products stained all of my clothes...
That is until a few weeks ago...
When I started using Perspirex. I use the strong one in the blue bottle, and oh my GOD. I literally do not sweat for 3 days now. No other deoderant needed, just put it on at night and wash it off the next morning and then nothing else needed for 3 days (for me). It has been 25c this week and I've been completely fine, been at work, working out, had baths etc and this stuff still works for 3 days straight. No sweat at all, bone dry. Zero BO.
It does sting like hell if your armpits aren't completely dry when applying, so I use a hairdryer on mine first, but I'd rather have the stinging than the BO lol. Tiny bit needed and you don't even need to cover your whole underarm.
So yeah, just a PSA about Perspirex because it has changed my life and I wish I found it years ago. Try it :)

So the old guy at the front was just going thru the usual stuff before the test like no watches and stuff, but then he randomly paused and started rambling abt something i didnt get for any of my other tests
Apparently some guy shat himself last year and it was so bad that they had to shut the school down and all the pupils there couldn't even sit the rest of their exams because the whole campus was one big biohazard
Anyway, like, halfway through the test i started sweating cuz i couldnt answer one of the questions and my stomach started growling because i was running late and skipped breakfast, which is pretty normal, right?? All i did was sleep in cuz i was revising the night before and stuff 😭😭
But the guy who gave the briefing about diarrheo started walking up to me and it looked like he was trying to be inconspicuous, but when i reached down to get the pen i dropped he literally started screaming at me to "GET OUT" before "THE FLOODGATES" opened??? What does that even mean?
The other invigilators started to rush up to comfort him as he started saying "not again", over and over like wtaf
One of them rushed me to the bathroom, locked the door, and told me i wasnt allowed back into the hall until "it was all out"?? I asked him what the hell was going on and he just told me he "needed to contain the damage" and handed me a box of anti-diahrreha medicine 😭😭
Guys can someone explain what im missing?? Did i break some unspoken gcse rule?
Edit: GUYS THIS ISNT A JOKE I DIDNT EVEN GET TO FINISH THE QUESTION I WAS WORKING ON IM GONNA FAIL MY TEST OVER THIS 😭😭 if i cant get into college because of year-old liquid shit im gonna find the poopy pants who wronged me