No video could convey the feeling of floating underwater with these enourmous creatures next to you in the vast ocean.
In the same way porn in no way duplicates the experience of having sex with someone...the textures, feelings, movements, smells, heart-pounding, the tastes, the sweat, the vulnerability , the trust-building, the playfulness...all of that, the whole experience, of sex is absent in porn.
I understand many people here are virgins...but porn is no substitute... it doesnt teach anything and it actively makes our lives worse in more ways than I can describe. It mis-teaches us what sex is, what intimacy is, what masculinity is.
Just something to keep in mind
Porn is brainwashing

The founding of Israel is often described as a "European colonization" story. However, after studying available materials—historical texts, published works, and viewpoints from various sources, including my History and Political Science classes in college—I have concluded that this characterization is inaccurate.

Claim 1: Jews are newcomers and have no historical claim to the area.

This claim is objectively false. Jews have lived in the Middle East for thousands of years.

1. Historical Presence: Archaeological evidence and historical records show that Jews have lived in the area since at least 1500 BCE, making it over 3,500 years.
2. Recorded Interactions: Numerous sources, including Greek, Babylonian, Persian, Roman, Egyptian, and Arabic texts, document Jewish presence and interactions with various states and empires in the region.
3. Religious Texts: Even Non-Jewish religious texts, such as the Quran and the Bible, also place Jews in the region historically known as modern Israel.

These points demonstrate that Jews are not interlopers; they have a long-standing historical presence in the area, predating other claims.

Claim 2: Jews are European and not from the area.

The area of modern Israel was home to Jewish states for over 1,500 years before the Roman conquest. During centuries of conflict and empire changes, many Jews were forced out of their homeland. However, a Jewish presence persisted in the area.

1. Dispersal and Return: Many Jews left Israel to expulsions, slavery, and migration. Many ended up in Europe, but there remained a continuous Jewish presence in the Middle East.
2. Ethnic Composition: While some Jews in Israel are of European descent, the majority are of Middle Eastern descent. As of 2023, approximately 73% of Israelis are Jewish. Of these, 59% are Sephardi Jews from the Middle East and North Africa, 3% are Ethiopian Jews, and only 38% are Ashkenazi Jews from Europe. Most of these Jews ended up in Israel, because they were forcibly expelled from Arab states after the establishment of Israel.

Claim 3: Jews are colonizers.

My main point, is that the story of Israel is one of decolonization and the return of a people to their ancestral homeland.

1. Analogous Situations:
   • Tibetan Efforts: The Tibetan government-in-exile seeks autonomy after the Chinese annexation in the 1950s. This is seen as a decolonization effort.
   • Aboriginal Land Reclamation: The Mabo decision in Australia recognized indigenous land rights, marking a decolonization struggle.
   • Greek Cypriots: The ongoing efforts of Greek Cypriots to return to their homes in Northern Cyprus, occupied since 1974, is another example of decolonization efforts.
   • Hypothetical Example: If the Pueblo people in New Mexico and surrounding states decided to establish a new country in that spot, would we consider that colonization or decolonization? If some of them returned from other states or countries - would we call them colonizers?

These examples, indicate to me, that the Jewish return to Israel is comparable to other decolonization movements where displaced peoples strive to return to their ancestral lands.
In summary, characterizing Israel as a European colonizer state ignores the historical and ongoing presence of Jews in the region, the complex ethnic makeup of modern Israel, and the broader context of decolonization. The founding of Israel represents the return of a displaced people to their ancestral homeland, much like other recognized decolonization efforts.
Please, challenge my view. I truly come to this discussion with an open mind. I used to think that Israel was a colonizing project - truthfully, the idea was presented to me in college, and I kind of ran with it. I changed my view upon reflection once and can do so again, as I'm contemplating history.
I conced that I don't know what I don't know, so please present your point.

“Ready to make history, baby?”
I looked over toward Sheila as she stood on the gangplank leading up to The Burger. I still couldn’t believe she named our research ship ‘The Burger’... emotional relevance be damned.
“It's not exactly history,” I corrected.
“Oh come on! If your survey is right, this trench might run even deeper than the Challenger Deep, and you’re gonna be the first person to explore it! How is that not exciting?”
“Might be deeper, we only have a limited amount of topological data. And even if it is deeper, we’re talking only a few hundred feet at most, it’s really not that im-”
Sheila silenced me with a kiss.
“Nerd.” She teased, and I found myself too flustered to reply. After five years of marriage, she still could leave me speechless with just a kiss. God… how did someone like me end up with a woman like that?
Then again, how did someone like me end up where I was in general? It was honestly a little overwhelming. Standing on the dock, getting ready to board that ship and join the ranks of Jacques Piccard and James Cameron (yes, that James Cameron) as one of the few people to take a manned submersible down to the deepest parts of the ocean. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little scared too. Diving down that deep could easily be a one way trip if even the slightest thing went wrong. My submarine would be experiencing between 600 to 1100 atmospheres of pressure and while we’d tested it over and over again to make sure it would actually be up for the challenge, there was still a lingering iota of doubt in the back of my mind. All that needed to go wrong was one little thing, and that would be it for me.
The scariest part is that I probably wouldn’t even know what had happened… I’d simply be gone… and Sheila would be alone. The thought of that caused a momentary spike of panic in my chest that almost made me want to call this whole thing off.
Almost.
But, then I felt her hand close around mine. I looked up into her bright blue eyes, and saw her gentle smile.
“You’re gonna be okay, hun,” She promised. “You and your team have been running the numbers, right? It’s gonna go just fine!”
I nodded slowly.
“It’s gonna go fine…” I repeated, before she leaned in to kiss me, and gently pulled me by the wrist up onto the deck of the Burger.
She was probably right.
It probably would be fine.
Probably…
The trench I’d be exploring was a fairly recent discovery, located south of Greenland, in a vast stretch of water situated directly between Newfoundland and Iceland. It’d been uncovered during a topological survey in the area, and my team had taken an interest in investigating it further. At minimum, it was believed to descend to about 35,000 feet deep (over 10,000 meters), although the current theory was that it might have run even deeper. Determining the exact depth of the yet unnamed chasm was just one of the intents of our dive. The rest was studying the organisms that might be found down there, and how they might have differed from the ones found in other deep ocean trenches (some variation being expected given the isolated environment they were developing in.)
I had to admit, it would be exciting to see what new life might have developed in a place such as this, especially if it ran even deeper than our predictions… and that excitement was enough to make me chase the fear of the risks out of my mind, even if it was only briefly. While Sheila went to make sure we were ready to embark, I caught myself wandering out toward the rear of the ship where my submarine, The Tempura, waited for me. Did this submarine deserve a better name than The Tempura? Probably. But, this was my project, so I got to name it and since Burger was already taken, Tempura was the next best name I had. I liked to think that the subs namesake might approve… if she hadn’t died fifteen years ago. Shrimp don’t live very long.
As the ship began to depart, I caught myself reminiscing on how I’d ended up here… it really was all because of those damn shrimp, wasn’t it? Well… maybe not all because of the shrimp. But they were certainly part of it. Back when I was a lot younger, I never really gave much of a shit about anything at all. I guess I did have a thing for the ocean… the great, romantic vastness of it. The sense of adventure that it beckoned with. The endless mysteries that lay within its dark depths. I used to read about it all the time when I was a kid and I especially loved the classic adventures: Verne’s 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, and Melville’s Moby Dick… but that love was just confined to my books. I didn’t really have any interest in actually going out and seeing the ocean. Hell, the idea of going to a beach and standing in the sun with my toes in the sand seemed miserable to me. I was happier (although calling myself happy might’ve been a little disingenuous) alone in my room, enjoying the company of books as opposed to people.
Then came the shrimp.
One of my online friends kept them as a hobby. He used to post pictures of his tanks all the time, and I always thought they looked kinda cool. He said that if I was interested in them, I should try keeping some for myself, and during a particularly bad bout of depression, I figured that maybe it might be worth a shot. So, I bought a cheap tank and some cheap decorations, bought myself some shrimp… and promptly watched them die over the next few weeks. That… that bothered me. I don’t know why but… it really bothered me. I’m still not entirely sure how to describe what it was that I was feeling. Guilt? Defeat? Shame? Here I was, trying to set up a habitat for these creatures just to have something to do to keep the suicidal ideation at bay, and I’d failed almost right out of the gate.
Was I just that bad? Was I just that much of a failure? Was this just going to go to shit just like everything else in my life did, because I was just such an abysmal piece of shit who barely deserved the life she had? Had I just not tried hard enough? Was I too apathetic? What had happened? What went wrong?
It bothered me.
It bothered me enough that I made up my mind to just dump the remaining shrimp down the toilet and toss everything. Forget about it. Move on. End of story. But… that wasn’t fair, was it? The shrimp didn’t all deserve to die just because I couldn’t be bothered, did they? Sure, they were just shrimp, but they were alive too, just like me. They deserved to be alive.
I owed it to them to try and keep them alive, didn’t I?
So… I didn’t dump the shrimp.
Instead, I started doing some reading. Started looking into what I was doing wrong and how to do it all better. I actually got really into it and a few months later, I had a nice planted tank. Looking back, it was amateur shit… but it made me happy. I’d even picked out names for my two favorite shrimp. Burger and Tempura. They’d been the last survivors of my original batch, and they were the ones I ended up caring about the most. Caring for Burger and Tempura gave me a purpose. It became an obsession… and that little obsession drove me to finally start turning my life around.
Like I said, shrimp don’t live for very long. Burger and Tempura were long dead by the time I graduated with a degree in Marine Biology. But they were the ones who inspired me to finally get my life in order. Hell, the shrimp were half the reason that I met Sheila. She was something of an aquarium fanatic too… we’d met on a forum, and gotten to talking. I found out that she just so happened to be studying Marine Biology at another school, and we bonded pretty quickly after that. After graduation, I moved to California to be with her and after that, the rest is history. She was my rock. She was the one who always pushed me to be the best possible version of myself… and I loved her more than I ever knew I could love someone.
A glance back at the shore, fading into the distance tore me out of my reminiscing, and I shifted my focus to the present, going over The Tempura to perform some quick checks. My colleagues and I would be checking and rechecking the submarine over the next two days as we made our way toward the dive spot. Considering the danger that descending that deep posed, I didn’t want to take a single unnecessary risk.
I had too much to live for, after all.
***
The day of the dive, I couldn’t notice how excited the rest of the crew seemed… well… Sheila’s usual crew seemed excited. I guess to them, this was just another research expedition, no different than the ones Sheila usually took this ship out on. Lately her research had been focused on the analysis and study of whale calls. Her recent voyages had involved following their pods, recording their calls and playing them back to see how the whales reacted. It was fascinating stuff, but my research was admittedly a lot different than that.
My obsession had drawn me to the denizens of the deep sea. I’d used The Burger for expeditions before, although none of them had been on quite the same scale as this one. Up until today, the most ambitious thing I’d done was send down unmanned submersibles with cameras. Those submersibles had typically returned. We had lost a few early on due to technical glitches, but the past few years had been blissfully uneventful. Logically, this dive would probably be uneventful as well. But it was still hard to get the jitters out of my head.
My team and I did the final checks necessary to make sure that The Tempura was good to go, before setting up the crane to begin lifting it up. In less than an hour, I’d be inside of that thing, descending to the darkest depths of the ocean.
It didn’t feel real.
I felt Sheila’s hand on my shoulder, and looked over at her.
“Moment of truth, huh?” She asked. She probably meant it to sound encouraging, but it just sounded ominous.
“Moment of truth…” I replied.
“You’re gonna be okay, honey. I know you will.”
She reached out to gently squeeze my hand and gave me a reassuring smile that I meekly returned.
“Yeah, it’s gonna be okay,” I agreed, although there was an element of a lie in it. Statistically, yes. It probably WOULD be okay. But there was that lingering anxiety in the back of my mind that just wouldn’t go away. I looked quietly out at the submarine before me and couldn’t shake the thought that it sort of looked like a giant coffin. Unconsciously, I found myself squeezing Sheila’s hand tighter than normal. She just held me close and pressed a kiss to the top of my head, before gently rubbing my back.
“You’ll be okay,” She promised.
“Dr. Jenner, we’re ready for you.” I heard one of my colleagues say.
Moment of truth.
I took one last look at Sheila, and gave her a quick kiss on the lips for luck. She smiled at me, and I smiled back anxiously at her before heading over toward the submarine.
The crew helped me enter the cockpit and get myself situated inside. The cockpit of the Tempura was fairly cramped and not particularly comfortable. Space and comfort aren’t really luxuries you can afford in a submarine like this. The instruments I needed took up a lot of space, leaving little room for me in there… and I am not a very big person.
Once I was inside, they sealed the hatch. Then the diagnostics checks began.
“Grayson, can you hear us in there?” I heard Sheila say through the radio.
“Loud and clear,” I replied.
“Great. We’ll keep in constant radio contact, just to monitor the signal. In the meanwhile, how’s everything looking in there?”
“Green across the board so far,” I said, although I hadn’t finished running all my final checks yet. Ultimately, nothing was out of place.
This submarine was as good to go as it was going to get.
“I’m all good in here,” I said once I was done. “You can drop me when you’re ready.”
“You got it, honey. Let’s get you in the water, run one final round of tests and start lowering you down.”
A short while later, I felt the submarine begin to move as the crane lifted it off the deck and lowered it into the water. The Tempura honestly resembled its namesake in a way, being long and cigar shaped, only vertically oriented instead of horizontally oriented. We’d admittedly taken more than a few design cues from James Cameron’s Deepsea Challenger. Why fix what isn’t broken, after all?
Once I was in the water, a 1000 pound releasable ballast weight would cause the submarine to sink. Releasing that weight was also my ticket back to the surface, and I could either trigger it from inside the cockpit, or, in the event that the release failed for any reason, it would trigger automatically after roughly 12 hours of exposure to salt water.
Ideally, this would be the first of a number of dives I’d be undertaking… and if all went according to plan, the Tempura could be the first of many similar submarines that would allow other researchers to safely and effectively descend to extreme depths. If all went well, this could be a massive leap forward for researchers like me, allowing us to better explore the deepest depths of the Hadal Zone and learn all we could about the ecosystems down there via direct observation.
If all went well.
If.
Through the viewport, I watched as I was lowered into the ocean. A few of the other crew members had donned diving gear to escort me down, and after they did their final checks and I did mine, we were fully ready to go.
“All’s green across the board,” I said into the radio. “You can start my descent.”
“I hear you, honey,” Sheila replied. “We’re letting you go. Have fun down there.”
“Yeah, I’ll try…” I said quietly as finally, my submarine began its descent.
I took a deep breath, and told myself again that everything would go fine. We had checked everything on this submarine. We’d tested it rigorously. I wouldn’t have allowed myself to set foot inside of it if I hadn’t personally assured that it was safe. But anxiety never really goes away, does it? The crew couldn’t accompany me far. After only a few meters, they fell behind me as I sank deeper and deeper into the infinite, empty blue of the ocean. Soon after, the tether was released.
I was officially on my own.
“60 feet,” I heard Sheila say over the radio. “How are you doing in there?”
“Good,” I replied. “Doing… doing good.”
The submarine continued to descend. Through the viewport, I could see a few stray fish, but nothing particularly eye catching. I almost felt alone down there… almost…
“120 feet…” Sheila said.
“Still doing good,” I replied.
The descent continued, as the waters slowly grew darker and darker.
“400 feet…”
Everything around me just kept getting darker and darker. Only a fraction of the light from the sun ever reached these depths… and I’d be lying if I said that darkness didn’t feel a little… oppressive.
“800 feet… still feeling good?”
“Yeah, still feeling good…” I said, although it was a bit of a lie. If anything, I was second guessing all of this, but I wasn’t about to say that out loud.
“1000 feet… still good?”
“Still good…” I murmured. “I hear you loud and clear.”
Deeper… deeper… deeper.
“1500 feet…”
Three miles. I was three miles away from home. Three miles away from Sheila.
“2000 feet…”
Still a ways to go.
“3000 feet…”
By this point, it was fully dark outside of my cockpit. Outside, all I could see was inky darkness. Even the submarine’s lights didn’t really cut through it. And the kicker? Relatively speaking, I wasn’t that deep. Fishing trawlers reached deeper than this. Better to conserve power until I was at the bottom. My descent continued.
“6000 feet… still good?”
“Still good…”
The check ins were becoming less frequent. My descent still continued… deeper… deeper… deeper. By now, I’d entered the Hadal Zone. But there was still so much deeper o go.
“8000 feet…”
This was past the depths that most whales would dive to… and I still had a ways to go.
“10,000 feet.”
This was close to where the ocean floor usually bottomed out… and yet there was still so much further to go. No. I was really only a third of the way there. How long had it been?Not much had happened beyond my descent and a few sightings out of my viewport, but time had been passing. A glance at my watch confirmed it’d been almost an hour since I’d started to sink… and I knew I wasn’t even close to the bottom yet. The submarine continued to descend, sinking ever deeper as I dropped into an infinite darkness that few had ever dared to witness.
“15,000 feet.”
This check in came later than the others. At this point, Sheila and the crew must have figured that no news was good news, and they were right. I just continued to sink peacefully, down into the crushing depths of the ocean.
These were the depths that one might normally find deep sea fish… and yet I was going somewhere even deeper than that.
“20,000 feet…”
So close…
I continued to sink.
“25,000 feet.”
Soon… and finally…
“30,000 feet. You still doing alright, honey?”
“Yeah… yeah, I’m doing good,” I assured her. I was so close…
By this point, my real work had begun. I’d engaged the lights and begun documenting what little I could see using the on board cameras. Granted, there wasn’t much life at these depths and what little there was, was scarcely documented. Most of what was down here consisted of invertebrates and microscopic life that seemed to float past my viewport.
The light seemed to draw a few creatures in search of food. Small, hardy things that resembled shrimp.
“How’s it looking, Grayson?”
“Dark,” I said, half joking. “We’ve got some life… shrimp. They’re translucent. Can’t get a great look at them… but we’ll see what the cameras pick up.”
“They’ve recognized you as a friend,” Sheila said. I could almost see the smile on her lips as she said it.
“Yeah…” I replied, “Tempura sent them a message, told them I’d be down. How am I looking on depth?”
“35,000 feet… you seeing a bottom yet?”
“No… not that I would until I was there.”
“Damn… how deep does this go?”
“It can’t go that deep…” I murmured, although I really wasn’t so sure about that.
The submarine continued to sink…
36,000 feet…
37,000 feet…
38,000 feet… and then finally, just past the 39,000 foot mark, I finally saw solid ground below me.
Looking through my viewport, I could see a familiar dark brown diatomaceous sludge, covering the seafloor. Microscopic life, likely similar to what had been observed in other deep sea trenches, such as the Challenger Deep.
I needed to gather a sample.
As my submarine reached the bottom, I extended the mechanical arms, pressed flat against the surface of the Tempura, and opened the collection port near the bottom of the ship. Slowly, I sifted some of the sludge into the port. My disturbance of the seafloor kicked up a cloud of the microbial colony, and I could’ve sworn I saw something wiggling through the debris. A pale, white thing, perhaps some sort of sea cucumber? I hastily angled my submarines camera to try and catch a glimpse of it, before returning to my collection. Even in this forlorn place, there was still so much to see! And here I was… completely forgetting my fear as the excitement took hold of me! Few people had ever been down to these unfathomable depths… and yet here I was.
It didn’t feel real but it was! I had reached the deepest part of the ocean!
“How’s it going down there?” I heard Sheila ask. Her voice was a little garbled. The connection down here was faltering.
“It’s beautiful…” I said. “I can’t wait for you to see it!”
“I’ll bet…”
“I’m going to do a sweep of the area, see what samples I can gather,” I said. “What’s my time right now?”
“Three hours. You’ve got nine before your connection to the weight deteriorates and you start to ascend.”
“I’ll make the most of it,” I said. The plan was only to stay down there for six hours, and I didn’t want to push that limit. Life support would only last me for so long, and one little error was all it would take for the ungodly pressure down here to crush me.
I began to move the submarine. Mobility was limited. This thing wasn’t built to travel far. But I still had some limited movement. I recorded all that I could, filming the shrimp that investigated my light, and the things that slithered and crawled through the muck, likely feeding on the carpet of single celled organisms that populated these depths.
The first two hours were… well… I hesitate to call them uneventful, they were actually very fascinating, but little of note happened beyond my recording of a few specimens.
Midway through the third hour though, as I was reaching one of the rock walls of the abyss, I noticed something just above the edge of my viewport swimming away from the light. I could’ve sworn I saw slender, pale tentacles of some sort. Was that a squid? Were there squid down this deep? I wasn’t aware of any species of known squid who could reach these depths… but in this unknown place, what use was the known?
I moved my light and my camera to try and catch another glimpse of it, but whatever it was, it seemed to be gone. Maybe I’d see another one. I still had plenty of time.
“You made a noise. What’d you see?” Sheila asked.
“Something big… I think,” I said.
“Down there? Like a fish?”
“Squid. You wouldn’t find any vertebrates down this deep… the pressure would crush their bones.”
“Jeez…”
I didn’t reply to that, still searching for the thing I’d seen. I shone my light up along the walls of the chasm and angled my camera up as far as it would go. I could see a few volcanic vents, spewing dark clouds into the darkness, and more diatoms. But not much else. Strange invertebrates crawled along the walls. Small creatures, no bigger than an inch long. Related to isopods, perhaps? If I could collect one as a sample, I would have… although taking any of those back to the surface would surely kill them. They were built to live under the impossible pressure of these depths. Taking them to the surface would rip them apart.
I went back to my research, and it wasn’t long until I saw something in the darkness, just on the edge of where my flashlight reached. Trailing white tendrils, snaking their way through the darkness. My eyes narrowed as I moved the submarine forward, trying to catch whatever it was in the light. I saw the shape move, its body turning… I saw its tendrils unfurling. Whatever this was, it was big. It was almost as big as The Tempura… although it was also slender. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought I was looking at some sort of floating debris, but this far down? No. And debris wouldn’t move like that.
This had to be a deepsea squid… or perhaps some other type of cephalopod? Something that preyed upon the various invertebrates down here, perhaps? It seemed to float, just out of sight for a bit, as I tried to get closer. I angled up my light to get a better look at it. The light seemed to shine through it, like some sort of ghost… but I did manage to get a look at it.
Although that look…
That single look made me freeze up.
This things slender tendrils certainly resembled a cephalopod of some sort, but the rest of it… the rest of it looked like something else entirely. Its body was thin, emaciated and translucent, yet despite that it still had characteristics that almost seemed… human. It wasn’t human! Not by any stretch of imagination, but the resemblance was there. It almost reminded me of an exhibit I’d seen in a museum once, depicting a preserved, fully removed human nervous system. I could see a similar shape in its translucent body. Its head seemed almost human as well… albeit with no eyes, and a lamprey like mouth I could only describe as fleshy yet crablike.
Still, despite having no eyes I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was looking at me. And that was when I felt something hit the submarine.
I felt a sudden jolt of panic in my chest. For a moment, I thought that the pressure had started to crush me, but no… no, everything was still fine. Something had just hit me. But what? It didn’t take long before I got my answer.
Another pale creature floated past my viewport, swirling gracefully in the cold dark waters. I watched it for a moment with wide eyes, before noticing its ‘head’ turning slightly toward me. Then, almost instantly, it launched itself at the submarine, darting toward me with blinding speed.
I heard a distinct THUD as its body collided with me, and I could see its pale tendrils pressing against the viewport, twisting and writhing violently. It was trying to attack me. The first creature that I’d seen lunged as well, pounding on my submarine with another THUD. And moments later, I could hear more impacts against the hull. There were more of them… and they did not like having me down there.
“What’s going on?” Sheila asked.
“Somebody doesn’t like me…” I said. “One of the animals down here… some kind of squid, it’s just started attacking the hull.”
“How bad is the damage?”
“Not sure… could be nothing, could be-”
I felt the submarine shake as I tried to move it. The thrusters that pushed me forward weren't responding. Had something gotten caught in it? One of the creatures perhaps?
“Grayson?!” Sheila asked.
“Lost propulsion…” I said. “Fuck… I can’t move.”
“Then drop the weight and come up!”
“No, it’s fine, there’s no other damage, I can still use the port and starboard thrusters to-”
“Grayson!”
I paused. There was genuine panic in her voice… enough to make me realize that even if these things stood little chance of actually breaching the hull, taking the risk would be a fatal mistake.
“I’m on my way up…” I finally said, before reaching out to disengage the ballast weights.
Immediately, I felt myself beginning to rise, although the tentacles clinging to my viewport didn’t disappear.
“We’ve got you…” Sheila said. “Rising up to 38,000 feet.”
The submarine continued to rise, but the creatures clinging to me went nowhere. In fact… I was sure I could see more of them. More pale shapes coming up through the darkness, and these ones filled me with dread. I thought I had been looking at some sort of eerie undiscovered life. But seeing what was coming up toward me now… I knew that I was looking at so much more. The creatures swimming up toward me through the darkness carried weapons… makeshift stone spears and daggers. Primitive tools… but tools all the same.
Signs that these were more than just undiscovered animals.
Much. Much more.
The word: ‘Mermaids’ crossed through my mind, but these were something far different than the ones I’d heard of in folklore. These looked like they’d swam out of the depths of hell itself. Boneless pale tendrils reached for me… and they were getting closer. The pale shapes reached my submarine as I rose higher. I kept praying to whatever God may be listening that the dropping pressure would force them off. The air in a submarine is pressurized, so during normal operation, there should have been no danger of decompression sickness for me.
For them… well… normally I’d feel a little guilty about subjecting an undiscovered species of deep sea mermaids to the horrors of the Bends. But given my circumstances, I didn’t have a lot of other options.
They didn’t let go, though.
They should have. But they didn’t.
What were these things?
I saw a splayed hand press against my viewport. Or… it somewhat resembled a hand. It had suckers on it, like a tentacle and the ‘fingers’ curled open like tentacles. The creature crawled over my viewport, clinging to The Tempura as it rose, and I could see the folds of its crablike mouth opening and pressing against the glass. I could see some sort of bile rising up through its translucent throat, before it secreted it all over my viewport. Was it trying to digest me? Was that how these things fed? How strong were its stomach acids? Were they strong enough to-
The window cracked.
My heart skipped a beat.
“No… no, no no…”
“Grayson, what’s wrong?!”
“They cracked the window… S-Sheila they… oh God… oh fuck, they just…”
“THEY DID WHAT?”
“It’s secreting some sort of enzyme… it’s on the window, it’s… FUCK… I’m gonna die… I’m gonna die… I’m gonna die…”
“You’re not gonna die, baby! Just… just keep ascending, okay? You’re at 30,000 feet… just keep going…”
I nodded, and kept on rising, although the question of whether or not the rest of the creatures were trying to digest the other parts of my submarine floated through my mind. How much damage could The Tempura take before it imploded? How much longer did I have? The submarine still continued to rise… 25,000 feet… almost halfway home… almost… almost.
The creature outside of my viewport slithered along the glass, searching for a better area to try and digest. Past him, I noticed a few of his companions dropping off. Maybe the change in pressure finally was getting to them?
From the corner of my eye, I suddenly noticed a flashing light. A warning. The hydraulics on one of the Tempura’s arms were shot… what else was damaged?
I checked my oxygen levels. 32%.
I should’ve had at least 14 hours of air. I’d only been down there for about 6 hours… I shouldn’t have been this low.
31%.
No… no, no, no, no… they’d damaged the air tanks!
30%.
29%
“20,000 feet!” Sheila said. “You still with me, baby?”
“Y-yeah…” I said. I didn’t mention my air situation. I didn’t need to worry her further.
The submarine continued its ascent.
15,000 feet.
24%. I was running out of time.
The creatures still clung to the Tempura. How had the pressure change not killed them yet? My oxygen was dropping faster than before. I was hemorrhaging air. Another crack formed across my viewport. I let out a little, involuntary gasp before trying to force myself to stop hyperventilating.
“Grayson, what was that?”
“I-it’s fine…” I stammered, “It’s fine!”
“Grayson what the hell is going on down there?!”
“They’re still on the submarine… they’re still…” I paused, looking at my oxygen levels. “19%...”
“19% of what? Grayson what’s going on!”
I paused.
18%.
“Air… I’m… I’m losing air…”
“That’s fine, you’re going to make it!” She said, although I heard her voice cracking a little. “You’re gonna make it!”
I didn’t answer.
12,000 feet.
11,000 feet…
My oxygen level continued to drop.
15%.
14%.
12%.
9,000 feet.
The creatures still clung to me, as the submarine continued to rise. The one on my viewport was still there, slowly crawling along the glass again. I stared into its eyeless face and swore I was looking at the face of my killer.
7,000 feet…
Oxygen had dropped to 9%. It dropped to 8% before I even got to 6,000 feet. I was going to die here…
The viewport cracked again and I squeezed my eyes shut. The submarine rocked. I was sure one of the thrusters had been damaged. My ascent slowed.
“Grayson, what’s going on?”
“I’m sorry Sheila…”
Another crack spread across my viewport.
“I’m… I’m not making it back up…”
“YES YOU ARE!”
“I’m sorry…” The tears started to come as the reality of my death became clearer and clearer… this was it.
“YOU’RE COMING BACK UP, YOU HEAR ME! GODDAMNIT, I’LL BRING YOU BACK UP!”
“I love you…”
That creatures face pressed against the glass. It vomited more of its stomach acid onto the cracked glass, and I wondered if this might finally be what broke it. Part of me hoped it would be… the one good thing about dying this deep was that at least I’d die quickly. My suffering would be over. Then, the creature suddenly pulled back, twisting and writhing violently. I saw other shapes moving past it in the water, other ‘mermaids’ that had been clinging to the submarine.
Something was agitating them.
Something was scaring them off.
Then I heard it, over the radio… whale songs.
“What the hell…?”
“Grayson, are you still there?!”
“I… they’re finally breaking off. Sheila, what did you do?”
“I’m broadcasting some of the orca recordings we’ve been using. Are they still clinging to you?”
“No! They’re backing off! I… whatever you’re doing, keep doing it!”
The submarine kept rising.
5,000 feet.
4,000 feet.
4% oxygen.
I could still do this, right?
The submarine continued to rise.
3%.
3,000 feet.
2,000 feet.
2%.
1,000 feet… so close… I was so close…
I could almost see the surface through my viewport, rushing up toward me. I tried not to breathe. Tried not to move. All I did was hope.
500 feet.
I closed my eyes.
“Grayson we have your signal, we’re coming to pick you up!”
Sheila’s voice sounded so far away as my submarine finally breached the surface of the water… and with the last of my strength, I pulled the emergency release on the hatch, and threw it open, taking in lungful after lungful of fresh salty air.
I didn’t dare so much as touch the water beneath me… but I was topside again, and in the distance, I could see The Burger!
“We see you!” Sheila said, “We’ve got you baby… we’ve got you…”
“I see you too…” I said through the tears. “Thank you… thank you…” I didn’t have any words left in me after that.
As soon as I was back on the ship, I collapsed into Sheila’s arms, breaking down into tears as I clung to her, terrified that at any moment, some sort of unspoken other shoe would drop and I’d lose her all over again.
“Shh… it’s alright baby… I’ve got you… you’re safe… you’re safe…” I felt her fingers running through my air and I knew that what she said was true.
I was home.
I was safe.
***
I left my colleagues to review the data that the Tempura gathered during its short expedition. As far as I know, they haven’t published anything. I have a few ideas as to why, but I’ll keep those to myself. Let’s just say that some people would rather this information not become public.
I have a feeling that the Tempura may not be diving again for some time, if ever. I will confess that I do consider that a bit of a shame. Despite everything… I would consider it a success. It endured far more stressful conditions than I had expected, and from what I heard, required fewer repairs than I’d thought it would. But, even if it was approved for another dive, it wouldn’t be me piloting it. No. I will never be setting foot inside of that machine again, nor will I ever be returning to what my colleagues have been quietly referring to as ‘The Jenner Trench’.
I can’t.
Every night, I wake up crying after dreaming of pale shapes outside of my cracked viewport, clinging to Sheila and sobbing. I can’t put myself in that situation again.
I can’t.
Instead, I think I’m going to spend the next few years on solid ground. There’s a teaching position available at a local university. I think that might be the best place for me right now. Who knows, maybe I can help some other deadbeat discover a passion for marine biology.
After everything, my love for the sea remains unchanged… I’m just a little more wary of it, these days.

What's your favorite stim? Describe how it feels
Mine is hand flapping/typing, especially to sounds or music. I LOVE the energy I can feel going through my hands. Sometimes it's like a pianist or other times it side to side clicking my fingers together. They feel like they have a rhythm of their own and like massive amount of energy is flying out of my finger tips. It also makes my hand movements/gestures feel super powerful and or erotic for some reason

Because experimental bass music is on a different planet than mainstream music, I decided to create a list of awards for the weekend:
Michael Jordan greatest of the weekend set: Tipper. This was Jordan’s 98’ Bulls. Tipper will play more sets in the future, but 90 minutes? At Suwannee? With that many emotions? Dude left EVERYTHING out there in only a way that can be described as Jordan esque.
Lightning McQueen I have one more gear set: Jade Cicada. We have seen Jade reached 5th gear before, but my oh my did that set take me to 6th.
New Kids on the Block sets: Herbalistek and Allen Mock. Those boys set the bar way too high on Friday.
Boomers gonna boom set: Detox Unit. Detox Unit blew me the fuck away at Secret Dreams. It was up there with Tipper for set of the weekend. This set felt repetitive and formulaic in a way that made me feel like my father listening to his favorite vinyl for the 100th time. No hate to Detox. He’s brilliant. We just need to see some new music or at least new edits for the live format.
Usain Bolt fastest set of the weekend: Random Movement. Who would’ve known D&B could be that fast
Don’t Worry Be Happy feel good set of the weekend: Ooga. The dude is so passionate about his music it’s infectious. How can you NOT like a dude that care free dances to his entire set?!
Small Stage to Main Stage set of exponential growth: Crawdad Sniper. Man oh man can I not wait for him to play when it’s dark outside with top notch visuals. His sound is already there. That set blew me away.
Julliard Classically Trained set: Cumulus Frisbee. That set scared me. That set mesmerized me. That set had me in a trance. The detail was top notch, and his studio portfolio doesn’t do him justice.
Spouse approved foreplay set: Resonant Language. Resonant Language got me good and ready for my first Jade set in person. Without Res Lang I wouldn’t have been so fulfilled by Jade. What a set and what a night.
True Spirit of Suwannee set: Pheel. Dude killed it at 11:30 AM. There’s a reason we showed up too. What a trouper. Shout out to Pheel.
Pineapple Express perfect stoner sets: Living Light and Mantismash. What a unique experience to get these two before tipper.
Credit to u/SandzFanon - Divine Moment of Truth award. Quanta created the perfect soundscape to bust out the deemsters. And what a divine moment it was.
What a festival! Let’s run it back in 2025.

Hey all. Seven years ago I discovered what a hemorrhoid was and probably had at least 5 banding procedures. About a year or so ago I started getting hemorrhoids that came out with bowel movements but if I stretched a certain way I would feel them go back in. More recently though, they stopped going in on their own and I would need to push them back in.
A little over three weeks ago after pushing them back in I got off the toilet and saw the water was a color you never want to see unless you've been eating beets. Starting that day I started getting at least 30 minutes of exercise, upping my fiber intake mostly through whole foods but also adding supplements, drinking at least 120 ounces a water a day, and most importantly, only using the toilet when I absolutely felt the urge which drastically limited my amount of time in the bathroom. Things got better for a day but then next day and the day after that, every bowel movement, no matter how effortless and quick it was, resulted in the water changing color.
Long story short, it was finally yesterday that my GI was able to see me and after I described my symptoms, and he examined me, he was a bit surprised to not see a "smoking gun". He said I had 3 hemorrhoids but they weren't as bad as he was expecting given the symptoms I had. Still, he banded the one he thought was the culprit and I went home practically dancing, thinking that my problem was finally over.
Well, today I had my first bowel movement since the procedure and things appeared the same, which was a bit of a bummer. That said, for anyone who had the same symptoms of bleeding with every bowel movement, and had banding done, were the results immediate or did you have to give it the full 7-10 days to see results? I left a message with his office but they haven't gotten back to me so I guess I'm just looking for a little hope. Thanks!

First Previous Wiki
Ezeonwha was walking down a long hallway. The dry and plain painted walls and the pure white lighting of the lower levels of the 102nd Visitor Welcome Office helped to frame the dingy realities of those who could only afford these floors. Not even capable of having windows, these were for those who were the cheapest of the cheap or those who mingled with them. He'd passed several Guides on the way in, their claws echoing in the halls as a sign of authority in this lawless land.
Here, mediocrity was king, and he was a loyal servant. He drew his cloak closer about his neck, unwilling to reveal himself to those who weren't already equipped to see through it all. He was famous enough to be an abduction target if he let his guard down. This place was no exception, though Justicar tried to make them such. Too much security on the higher levels and too little on the lower levels. That was the way of things.
Another hallway, this one marked with bullet holes. Two contractors and a Guide were discussing the pricing of the fix project when he turned the corner. Their voices quieted to nothing, the stillness pressing down upon them with the same intensity as the false lighting. Ezeonwha clacked his jaws, giving them a low bow before continuing on his way. He saw the Guide's eyes light up with the sign of his implants getting a reading. It was another impromptu way of tracking via facial recognition, but it was an ancient practice.
Nothing was new about what the Guides did; only how many of them seemed to be on general patrol. Had Justicar hired more of them or actually done full conversions for all of them? Those arm cannons surely weren't cheap or ethical to insert into unwilling participants. And giving a victim a gun they couldn't be disarmed of was a very bad idea, even for Elders. And Justicar was better than most Elders when it came to abject stupidity. He'd likely only been dropped a few hundred times as a child versus the more likely Elder average of a few thousand.
Ezeonwha chuckled at his internal joke, heading deeper underground into the complex. He was going to a certain meeting, and it would be best not to be late. Even if the Guides tracked him, it wouldn't be negative. The group he had been approached by a few days ago wasn't a terror group. He'd looked them up. They dealt in 'freedom and liberation from all chains.'
The Eyes Of Liberty had focused upon Penny as their latest propaganda target and perhaps as a valuable ally in their fight against all tyranny. Though such a flowery message was likely steeped in idealism for the lower ranks, with more pragmatic and likely richer inner circle elites and leaders ensuring the pot would always simmer but never boil or grow cold. That was the way movements such as these managed to skirt the line between inaction and terrorism.
It was a dangerous thing to do. But these were dangerous times. If Penny left, he'd die. Someone with a grudge would kill him. It was a given, and he'd made peace with it now. He needed to get to work, to help others like him and those worse off, with just a small piece of the meager time he had left.
He was in the system as a friend of Penny, so little scrutiny would fall on him as he came and went. He had a new friend, one who was very interested in connecting to Penny.
The offer had come through his communicator, and he'd answered it given its interesting title. After a lengthy discussion about their goals for him and Penny, he'd agreed to at least have a meeting. He didn't tell them that he had a tracker from Phoebe, which would 'be impossible to miss' if things went badly. He knew the value he had, which was why one of the androids was also accompanying him under the guise of being a Sprilnav.
The android was 'walking' on all fours, its mechanical motion entirely silent. It was obscured by a wave of holograms and hard light holograms that would ensure that it wouldn't be considered suspicious beside him. His only guard was a capable one, and Phoebe had all the confidence of an AI who knew that the destruction of her android would only be an inconvenience for her.
Ezeonwha came to an unmarked door with a well-worn door frame. One knock. One pause. Two knocks. Another pause. Four knocks. He waited, and the door swung open. Eight Sprilnav greeted him warily but warmly, their eyes shifting to Phoebe.
The inside of the room was a dull red, coming from a pair of lights in the center of the ceiling that cast dark shadows near the edges. The whole room felt dark and dangerous, and the walls were lined with guns, computers, and several drones. Shelves and drawers were neatly stacked against the wall, as well as five couches and four double beds with ladder access to the top portions.
Bags of food rested atop a trash compactor unit, and the room service button on the inner side of the wall that Ezeonwha could see in the mirror was worn down to the raw metal. No paint jobs here, only grit and business. The room faintly smelled of body odor and assorted foods. Not entirely unpleasant, but also not what he'd expected from a group with sich a flamboyant name. Perhaps they worked in cell-based units. And that was another thing.
Minds were visible in the distance of the mindscape, but the people here were huddled together mentally. They appeared to be haphazard, but Ezeonwha recognized an old army-type defensive formation a mere step from each of their positions. They were more than they appeared. Though based on how their room looked, they probably weren't veterans, just decently trained.
As they walked through the doorway, a scanner activated. One of the Sprilnav, wearing a headset with numbers and letters swirling on the inner side of the visor, called out: "Phoebe android. Commando variant. Risk assessment: Certain Death. Ezeonwha. Carrying two pistols, one hidden in the pack on his left, and the other tucked inside a strap near the lower bottom of his chest."
That made them all pause, sizing each other up. Ezeonwha smiled nervously, failing terribly to break the building tension once again. His nerves started to get to him, but finally, Phoebe spoke. "Well, friends. I, for one, am happy to talk of the business of liberty. Tell us, what do you have in mind for my friend Ezeonwha?"
"It is not about him, AI. It is about the freedom all sentient beings deserve, and which we shall bring to the galaxy no matter if we are alive or dead."
"An honorable goal to strive toward," Phoebe said.
"Thank you. Your words are quite kind for your type."
"I didn't know I had one," Phoebe replied. "But thank you."
Ezeonwha turned his head toward the Sprilnav with all the fancy equipment.
"What is the best way for me and Penny to help in the fight?"
"The best way would be for you to start killing the gang leaders you come across. Barring that, have Penny ignore the graveyards, and continue freeing the slaves as she ought to. The dead have their freedom; the living need her work more."
"I agree with my companion," another of them said. "So far, Penny has done more for the fight for justice than any other on Justicar in generations, so it is a terrible thing to ask more, but we must ask. Even knowing the terrible toll it would have if she loses the Judgment, Sprilnav are at stake."
"People are at stake, you mean," Ezeonwha said. "There is no need to bring species into this."
"There would not be, but it is still a clear factor," another of them said, a female who looked more shifty in her gaze and demeanor. The Eyes of Liberty seemed like one of those groups with too much division.
"Do you disagree with each other often?" Ezeonwha asked innocently.
"Here and there," the tech guy said. "Not often enough to be a problem, and not when what matters is at stake."
"But that is the thing. How can you agree on when something that matters is a stake?"
"Is this a test?"
"Why would it be? Think of it as a genuine concern," Ezeonwha said. "To associate with your group, I have to be certain it will be resilient to change and risks escalating in the future. If the gangs cannot strike at Penny, they will pick the next best targets. Currently, that is me. If I associate with you in a way they can find out, and I assure you they will find out eventually, you all may be at risk as well. And your group's seemingly cell-based design also means large scale mobilization is difficult, ineffective, and risks severe coordination issues which cannot be quickly or safely remedied without changing core security features of it."
"You deduced all of that from context? You are smart, Ezeonwha. And have a good brain in your head. Everlasting knows we need one of those between all of us."
They all shared a laugh.
"I am not as young as I may look," Ezeonwha said. "Penny is not properly learned of the danger that faces us here. I am. The Underground will kill me when this is over. Do you want to die alongside me, all for your beliefs?"
Silence descended again. Ezeonwha kept the pressure on them when one of them stepped forward. "For freedom and liberty? Yes. I would die for that."
"As would I."
"And I."
They all declared the rest in orders that followed the patterns Ezeonwha was noticing. There were variances in their levels of belief and faith in their purpose. Each person had a different level of value difference, which meant that their lives would be worth more or less comparatively.
Cohesion was weaker, too. Not a full defector team, but likely pieces of several. Was that by design from a higher up leader, or was that just circumstance? Another thing to figure out later, that wasn't critical yet, but he would know before he truly went on any missions with them, if he did at all.
He suspected running messages to Penny would be the majority of their tasks. The quality of intelligence the Eyes of Liberty had offered was substantial. Perhaps enough for Penny to turn herself from a major annoyance to the gangs into an actual existential threat. With Justicar's swarming protection of the Fort Court and the 102nd Visitor Welcome Office, there was a limited amount of things that even the gangs could do. And if the rumors were correct, a Progenitor would be partaking in the trial.
"To be clear, if I join up with you, Phoebe would come too."
"Why would we let an AI join us?"
Phoebe smiled. "Without me, you'll die in this fight. You have trained for around 2000 days. You're acceptable combatants, as is Ezeonwha. But you are fighting in a city, and underneath it. You need to know how to keep a low profile. You need to know how to move through a crowd, get in and out. And you need to keep collateral damage to a zero, or the gangs will use you like they have others who had your purpose and were less careful to justify their 'protection' continuing. If you march in there and kill 50 slavers, if you kill a few slaves or a single bystander in the process, your credibility will be smeared. And frankly, with me on your team, you won't get blown up by an IED when you try clearing your first room in a fortress."
"IED?" One of them asked, while the rest digested her statement, going through various levels of offended looks.
"Your translator is too cheap. Improvised explosive device. Here, that can be old engines, reused oil, cracked plastic, frictional fuel bombs, circuit extruders, sodium splash grenades, as well as the more military style attacks they can pack, from small micro rockets all the way up to lower level fission or fusion bombs. Though if you're in a fight with those things involved, you're already dead."
"Why?"
"Because unless you're Elders, or holograms, a nuke will kill you whether you're right next to it or just inside the same shield. They concentrate the thermal pulse, so your bones would be ash before the pain hit your eyes."
"And what protection could you bring against that?"
"Telling you it's there before you start the attack. That is, if you listen to me. I value your lives over that of this android, but also I value Ezeonwha over all of you combined. I will not prevent him from doing this, but I will have you all know the risks involved."
"We are prepared, Phoebe. We have done much of the training you say, though we do not believe the gangs would plant explosive devices in their own fortresses. There is too much risk around that, with betrayals so common. However, the minefields we have scouted are easy to defeat with the right tactics. Perhaps you can give us a briefing on those, too?"
A challenge.
"I can, depending on how long you wish to do this for. But I have the stamina for either hours or weeks, depending on which you choose."
"What of your batteries?"
"They are of sufficient quality," Phoebe assured.
"I hope so."
Their tech guy nodded, more numbers flashing on his visor. Ezeonwha hoped he had a different way of display, like through an implant or something, for the missions in darker areas. The Underground was, by its name, not a place where much natural light was to be found. And the gangs controlled all the power systems in their territory. It was another part of the racket.
"Why aren't you guarding Penny?"
Phoebe's back straightened, a subconscious posture change to make her seem more confident. Ezeonwha caught the tactic for what it was, though without extensive knowledge of bipedal forms, it was less likely the surrounding Sprilnav knew it.
"Penny proved before a trillion eyes she's capable of fighting Elders, Progenitors, and a Dreadnaught Captain. Not to mention her immense power. I can shoot bullets, but she can literally snatch them out of the air and eat them. She has her own way of doing things, and it is a good way."
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Penny landed in the rubble and headed for the Vaquah with a trail of survivors behind her. Many of them, she could recognize the marks of slavery on, with numbers or brands on their skin or just the trauma crouching in their eyes dulled by the pain of a long life in a work camp. Penny went through the wreckage to the shield surrounding the rubble and the defining line between the rest of the city and the destruction. Several news drones flew above her.
More were arriving from various directions. The soft footsteps grew into a constant drumming sound, like a beating heart of doom. Penny marched with them, heading to the spaceport. A large medical operation there quickly rerouted many of its various branches to the most injured freed slaves.
Penny pressed her considerable psychic energy on the entire group, accelerating their healing, slowing bleeding, and generally repairing their bodies and cells from the trauma they'd suffered. But the cloud over their heads did not brighten. The atmosphere remained tense and mournful. Many of them had lost friends, family, and more. She had no right to ask them to feel any different.
She had freed them, that was all. They were not her servants. She was not their ruler.
Several of them came up to her, offering thanks in the small ways they could. Kind words. Attempts at hugs. Even offers of devout prayer and worship, which Penny respectfully declined. She knew, as did most of them, that veneration for her deeds was inevitable. She didn't want to be seen encouraging it at all, since this was a public place where many eyes were upon her.
She knew that it would be misconstrued as a threat if she did. Religions were some of the most major threats entrenched powers could face if not properly co-opted by the state to suit their needs. And here, the 'state' was a military dictatorship billions of years old, ripened with corruption, money, and the immortality of Elders sporting technology beyond any other in the galaxy.
The sky was blue with shields overhead. The Vaquah hung in the distance, its thrusters gently burning to keep it aloft. A trail of shuttles linked the massive ship with several spaceports, including this one. Penny watched the freed Sprilnav get on it one by one, promising themselves to a new life aboard her ship. Technically, they were citizens of the Autonomous Peoples' Stars.
That protection, Penny knew, was why the Vaquah and its innocent inhabitants were still intact. Elders already had hired mercenaries to attack it. They'd failed, thanks to Rimiaha and Penny, but also the defenses of Kashaunta's Grand Fleet when it was in higher orbit. Kashaunta, despite her willingness to use Penny as she would, also had a certain intelligence and empathy. It was highly selective, and only money and power seemed to flip that switch.
But Penny needed the Elder, and Kashaunta only had use for her as an asset. She palmed the new communicator Kashaunta had issued her after the last one's destruction. Kashaunta's hologram appeared. It looked around, noticing the news drones in the air.
"Not here."
"Where?"
"You will know."
In the mindscape, a Sprilnav appeared on Penny's layer. They felt odd to her, almost like the minds of certain humans high up in the hivemind's network. Penny greeted the Sprilnav warmly.
"Hello."
"Queen and Elder Kashaunta requests your presence on her flagship."
"Very well."
In reality, Penny looked around at the crowd. She waited until it dwindled to nothing, and then spoke.
"Displace."
Conceptual energy twisted, and she stood on Kashaunta's flagship, though nearer to the edge than she'd expected. The Elder was waiting for her in an outfit that looked much like pajamas, though they were under a few armor pieces that appeared anything but decorative. Now that Penny noticed it, it was the same sort of armor that Yasihaut had worn to their last encounter, which interfered with conceptual energy. The Sprilnav were highly advanced. She wondered just how far their technology could go. She'd heard mentions of some ships having artificial gravity, and of nanites and programmable matter. But nothing certain.
"Hmm," Kashaunta said, giving Penny a once over. "You have come back. Shall I assume you are still my ally?"
"Nervous, are we?"
"Nervous is what you should be, Penny. The Judgment is coming. Ten days. Indrafabar and Justicar will both be on the court as High Judges. That is not good for us at all. So I figured a bit of prudence was in order. I have thought long and hard about this, and with the great battles of our time so fast approaching, I figure it is time to mend our relationship before the chasm grows any wider."
Kashaunta motioned to a special looking sword sheath on her back. Slowly, she drew a sword. A Soul Blade. Penny began to draw up her armor.
"Oh, I am not wishing for a fight, Penny. I know the damage you could do, even in my sanctum in the sky. Tell me, do you know how Soul Blades are forged?"
"No."
"Good. And tell me, do you know why they draw so much power to swing, even for Elders and beings as capable as us?"
"I have a few theories."
"I am sure you do," Kashaunta said. "But here is the thing. Soul Blades are typically weapons assigned to highly promising Elders, or even Progenitors. Filnatra, undisputed sword master that she is, can wield them as easily as breathing. If I were to swing this blade, there would be no drawback. Why?"
"Because you own that Soul Blade."
"Because this Soul Blade is mine. It is not just something I own. I own around seven or so more Soul Blades, with some weapons nearing their quality lying in my various vaults even now. You did not detect them, because I willed that not to be. I need you to understand this, Penny. You have power. You have might. But you are not invincible. My Soul Blade, if it struck you, would not cutely separate Nilnacrawla or Cardinality from you. Nor would your speeding space entity be able to block this blade with his flesh. If this cut you, it would release unending agony upon you before you exploded in a burst of burnt gore."
Penny sighed. "There is no need to threaten me. Allies do not threaten each other."
"But you do not see me as an ally. You see me as your means to get through the Judgment. You believe I see you as nothing more but a linear singularity maker, and perhaps a passing curiosity I'm backing on a whim. You neglect to imagine that there might be firmer reasons why I back you, and why more Elders are getting drawn into this conflict. You believe I am comfortable with showing you my more pragmatic and ruthless sides because I am comfortable with the fact that you cannot harm me. That you would not dare to do so, when you need my assistance so badly. That I might even be aiming to normalize my 'new' self with you."
"That is hardly my belief alone."
"Is it now."
Kashaunta grinned. There was no warmth in her gaze.
"Nilnacrawla," Kashaunta said. "Cardinality. Exile. Come out and show yourselves. You are being rude as guests."
Exile detached from Penny's head. He grew into the shifting array of fractals and shapes she was more familiar with. What had once grated on her eyes did so no longer. Kashaunta stared at the speeding space entity for ten seconds, then looked back up at Penny.
"He will not work on us. I will cover his form with holograms if he walks through my ship out of courtesy for my workers and crew, if he cannot."
"I am capable, Queen Kashaunta."
"You are quite knowledgable, aren't you?" Kashaunta mused, looking at him hungrily. "Oh, how I wonder what secrets you have in your head. How many of ours do you know?"
"I will not be taken as a hostage," Exile said.
"You will not because I decide not to," Kashaunta said. "Formally, our species are still at war. There is no treaty."
"The Sp'rkial'nova no longer exist."
"Yes, they do," Kashaunta said. "The name was discontinued for use regarding the lesser specimens we created. But I can assure you, Exile, if you wish to go by that name here, that we still do exist. I am a Sp'rkial'nova in the flesh. In the blood. In the mind. In the soul."
"Say what you will, Sprilnav. It changes nothing."
"On that I agree. Though our views on how things are may differ, and yours is wrong, your opinion is not valuable enough to matter."
She turned to Penny. She would have defended Exile, but he gave her a simple shake of his head area.
Nilnacrawla formed out of psychic energy in front of Penny. Cardi did the same beside her. Kashaunta tapped a claw on the ground. Tables and chairs appeared. A chef brought in food that looked passable and a few decent attempts at human cuisine.
"We do not have to eat, though I would expect that all of you at least sit at the table. We will discuss our grievances, and how to solve them before we proceed with the future. We shall first go to the matter of the Alliance. Penny, many in their number wish to establish contact with you. Do you agree to this? If so, I will add their communicator numbers to the translation program I have reserved for your personal use, in case your own device needs another sudden replacement."
"I agree."
"Good. A first step of diplomacy, I would say. Agreement. Now, Nilnacrawla, you look like you have something to say to me. What is it?"
"Free Meridia."
"Meridia was detonated by planet cracker during the 139th Sector 9 Border War. I am sorry more could not be done."
A cold draft of air rushed out of Nilnacrawla's nose. He glared at her. "You let them die."
"I did not. A Grand Fleet was defending that star system, and three came to lay siege. I am many things. A tactician, a queen, an Elder. But I am not a god. I cannot perform miracles. I evacuated 30 billion people from that world and its surrounding stations before the planet crackers hit it. 4 trillion more souls died in that blast. The best I can do is to offer an apology."
"That will never be enough for what you did. If you had never established your nation, they would still be alive."
"They would be slaves. Chattel slaves, not that cute little 'wage slavery' concept privileged people throw around. Perhaps I should remind you just how much darker that reality would have been for your female descendents, specifically. I am a brutal warlord, a dictator with an iron fist. But my claws do not squeeze nearly as tightly as I could. Metrics say that I could extract at least 370% more profit from my people if I simply enslaved them. But despite the shock this may bring to you all, I do have principles. The Autonomous Peoples' Stars are my people. My nation. My empire, if you think I'm imperialist. But I protect them as best I can."
Nilnacrawla's cold anger didn't lessen. Penny placed a calming hand on his front left thigh. He blinked. He let out a long, pained sigh. And he bowed his head to her. Not to Kashaunta, but to Penny.
"There is no need to be cruel."
"My language was accurate, Penny. He is a strong Elder. Everlasting knows he's stronger than most of these fools. Nilnacrawla was and is a hero of the Source war. I respect him enough not to mince words, or to give platitudes. Coddling is for babies. Nilnacrawla is far more mature."
Kashaunta turned to Cardi. "You have been remarkably silent in this, concept."
"I have."
"A wonderfully succinct statement. Perhaps you can shorten it further. But nevertheless, you and I will be working together with Penny much more in the near future. Rest assured, if you refuse to become more independent, you will be nothing more than a crutch for her to rely on before leaving her to fall when you are ripped away."
"When, Elder? I would like to think your protection is sufficient."
"I am sure the truth is quite the opposite, dear. I will now get to the point. Penny needs to move faster, and needs to break out of her shell. She needs to be pushed to do more. She has signed a binding treaty, which shows she is capable of more than barbarian aliens, as some Elders would call her. You, Cardinality, will help her be a high achiever. To do this, you need to learn more about your own history.
That is the theme of the year, after all. History. My history, Penny's history, Sprilnav history, and even Gaia's history, it would seem."
"Gaia? What do they have to do with all of this?" Penny asked.
"Oh, you don't need to worry about that."
"Excuse me? You don't get to decide that, Kashaunta. You will tell me. I refuse to be coddled, like you say. I demand the respect I am owed."
"You forget yourself, Penny."
"I remember myself, actually. I am all I need to be. I can become all I need if I must. You can hold your backing against me all you want, but you won't withdraw it. As you said, more binds you and I than mere money and ideology."
"And if you're wrong?"
"Then I've doomed my species and my nation to war, and this planet to the full power of my wrath."
"Wrath, Penny. Wrath. The Sprilnav have many words for anger, rage, hatred. There is the desire for vengeance, in varying degrees. There is that for justice, which does differ. And that for belonging. I know you believe you are standing up to me as a way to assert your own authority in this relationship of ours. You believe I see you as inferior, and will pull back my help when it is profitable for me. I will not offer you the consequences of what your words could mean.
You already know them, and that argument is as stale as your view on us Elders. I will say this once, Penny. You are the Champion of Humanity. The apex predator of your planet, the only one mostly in charge of an Alliance that does more than merely dream of overthrowing us. It is easy for me to say you are not a threat, though I do not ignore the threat you and your nation are trying to become. Gaia will be a part of your movement, but even my information is not entirely complete. I will not mislead you by claiming I know Gaia's link to this, just that there likely is one.
And I am not unreasonably petty. I am willing to put all our animosity behind us and start anew. Even if you are not willing to do the same, I am willing to make this work for us. You have more people to care for than just the Alliance, now. Do not forget them."
"A lot of words that mean nothing."
"Because you heard, but did not listen. Perhaps it will be easier this way, Penny. I want you to win."
"Explain."
"You wish to overthrow the current Sprilnav led order of the galaxy. Your path to that will likely be through mass slave revolt. A viable strategy that I could spread far beyond just this planet. And I actually agree with you. This Judgment, this utter insanity around the Alliance and your species has shown me the truth. The Elders as a class and a species cannot be trusted to rule any longer. We need new leaders. Better leaders."
"And yourself?"
"As the hypocrite that I am, and the power-hungry ruler of the Sprilnav, I would obviously exclude myself from that number. Let's be realistic. The Sprilnav will never accept a non-Elder ruler. If you wish to see what our insurgencies would be like, imagine the 2090s Struggles of Asia. Expand that to billions of planets, large and small. Countless ships and space stations. We have more collective ships than you have people. And as your military planners know, there is no such thing as an unarmed ship. Without us, without me, your plans are stillborn. Your galactic Alliance or whatever you make will fall to pieces without proper counseling. In essence, my offer to you, and you alone, is this. The galaxy, for the Sprilnav."
"Who backs your offer, with the power to give it?"
Progenitors Lecalicus and Nova appeared in the room.
"I back Kashaunta," Lecalicus wheezed.
"I observe her offer, and wish it a proper outcome," Nova said.
"Thank you, esteemed Progenitors," Kashaunta said, standing just to bow to them. Penny stared at Nova, balling her fists.
"There will be time for battle later," he said. "But not now. Hear out her request. She does not make it lightly."
The Progenitors disappeared.
"If I accept your offer, it will be on a written record."
"No. It will not be, because if that record is written, my nation will be facing war on all sides. A better idea would be for us to keep this under wraps."
"Perfect for betrayal," Nilnacrawla muttered.
"It would be, yes. But consider the second part of this situation, Nilncrawla. If word of this galactic offer, not just the Pact, were to get out, which is why two Progenitors who know the price of interference were called here, it would mean the deaths of Penny and all her kind. Or do you forget what rapidly approaches us?"
Nilnacrawla frowned. "I did. I apologize, Penny."
Kashaunta spoke up again.
"Penny. You believe I will betray you. So I make an offer of collateral. An offer so unbelievably sacred for us Elders that many would recoil at the mere thought of it. Now that you have signed a backed treaty, you are fully qualified."
Kashaunta grabbed her Soul Blade and presented it to Penny.
"What does this mean?"
"Nilnacrawla, tell her," Kashaunta said. "She will trust your mouth more than mine."
"Bonded Soul Blades are priceless artifacts," Nilnacrawla said. "To offer one to another is the ultimate gesture of trust and respect among many martial Sprilnav cultures. It can also allow for a mind bridge, a soul pact, or a proposal for marriage between two great houses, martial families, or Elders of great wealth and power. To offer this to a human... to anyone... is an ultimate sign of backing, and one of trust.
It is a sacrosanct honor, the absolute agreement of speaking truth and respect. The words I can use in any human language are insufficient to describe the weight of this honor. This gesture is one of absolute truth. Family lines with hatred going back millions of years would never dare to violate this honor."
"Only one Elder in history did so, one who once led a group known as the Stannic Resistance. He does so no longer. Penny Balica, Champion of Humanity... if there is nothing else I can give you to prove that I do really back you, there is this."
"...Just how low are my chances in the Judgment for you to resort to this?" Penny asked.
"They are not zero, but your battle with be incredibly difficult even with this boon of mine. The future of the galaxy, I now realize, hinges on the outcome of this. If we do not have enough trust, they will sniff it out, and we will fail."
So she had no choice. But as Nilncrawla continued to explain in her mind, Kashaunta was getting the worse side of the deal. Which meant she was throwing her backing behind Penny for real, beyond all reproach and retraction. Kashaunta, the most powerful Elder in the galaxy.
"And if I reject this gift, or your reasons for it?"
"Circumstances would demand that I kill you and then myself using this blade as a way to cut apart the dishonor, before my remains are dumped into a black hole to be forgotten forever. I would not do this."
"A dark and archaic custom," Penny said. She would have said more, but she looked at Nilnacrawla's face. He was clearly deeply uncomfortable. Her five words had shaken him more than anything she'd ever said to him before.
"You do not understand," Nilnacrawla said. "This is not something to joke or lie about. With a Soul Blade Pact in play, all else must cease. Right now, there is you, and there is her. Accept or decline. The choice, your only choice, is yours."
"How will this look to the Elders in the court? To the Sprilnav, and the people who back me?"
She could see how it would be a boon and a curse.
"You, and I," Kashaunta said. "The whole of the universe between us right now is you and I. No others exist until this one act is done. There will be trust or there will be death. No in between. No middle ground. The nature of this bond will be a Pact of Blades."
Conceptual energy swirled between them. Penny's natural translation, as part of the hivemind, failed for the first time ever. Her communicator likewise did not translate the words Kashaunta spoke.
"Eis nama kaste Penny Balica, sun lanci Dorima Kashaunta. Ko'ri, lanci nupa bes na Dorima'Pecunyanova. Sp'rkial'nova. Sun. Homo Sapiens."
The air grew thick with tension. It was not just emotional, either. Psychic and conceptual energy gathered. The mindscape started to distort as more and more eyes began to view Kashaunta and Penny. But all of them were Sprilnav eyes. All of them were Progenitors. Nova's appeared brightest and largest, nearly six times the size of the next largest pair. They stared at her, sending psychic and conceptual energy down upon her in waves that forced her and Kashaunta to kneel to the ground.
"I apologize for my earlier words," Penny said. "I should not have denigrated this."
Penny stood for an hour, deeply contemplating the Pact. If it was as Nilnacrawla was describing to her, it was a promise that Kashaunta would not break. If she was offering it at all, especially to Penny, it meant she had a level of trust in Penny's capability far above what Penny had previously thought. Apparently, there were even higher agreements than this that were possible, with this Pact being the lowest level of bond and considered unbreakable with the enforcement of consequences coming from the Progenitors themselves.
She thought of her place in Justicar and the wider universe. Hours passed like water. And then, by the end of it, after nearly 19 hours, Penny finally had decided. She gave a short nod to Kashaunta, who had been kneeling to Nova all this time.
Kashaunta gestured at the sword. "Tol, nopa shikai."
Nilnacrawla fed her a few suggestions on what she would need to say.
"I come to this Pact seeking peace, justice, and hope," Penny said. "And a promise not to betray one another, by lies or by treachery."
Nilnacrawla translated Kashaunta's next words to her.
"I come to this seeking trust, understanding, respect, and peace," Kashaunta said. "And a promise not to betray one another, by lies or by treachery. I make this Pact before the gods, those who equal them, and those who surpass them. I bind them to an oath of silence regarding this event, until I directly instruct them otherwise, in a state of a sound mind, body, and soul. Here, we shall step into a future that needs both of us, casting aside that which is unimportant to focus on the ultimate goals we have. I offer my Blade to Penny Balica, of species Homo Sapiens. In this way, we forge a new future, and walk a new path. I accept the Pact."
"I accept the Pact."
Nova and a hundred Progenitors descended. Nova grew larger, and Kashaunta knelt to him. Penny remained standing. His sharp teeth glittered in the light. He pressed his claws to Penny's chest, and to Kashaunta's chest.
"The Pact of Blades is made before the Progenitors. We agree to your vow of silence. The penalty of breaking it will be dismemberment and disposal into a black hole. Penny Balica, Engineer Kashaunta. To break this Pact without mutual agreement is to call down our collective wrath upon yourselves. You both have agreed, and are of sound mind, body, and soul. The Pact is forged. By sword, by word, by action. I, Nova, Everlasting, Lord of the Progenitors, King of all Sp'rkial'nova, Heir to the Mantle of Power, Heir to Narvravarana, Progenitor, Elder, and Sprilnav, declare the deed done, etched in time, space, and Reality."
They winked out of existence one by one, leaving Penny and Kashaunta alone, to ponder the future. Penny's thoughts turned to the Judgment, and her confidence she could win it began to waver. How much worse was this Judgment going to be than before?
Penny stared at Kashaunta's Soul Blade. With careful fingers, she took it. Kashaunta sat up, satisfied.
"Now we can begin. I shall compile all the news about you I can find, and we shall see how to address the questions the High Judges will ask. Now that you trust me, I cannot betray you."

Apart from having autism and ADHD, I (26F, turning 27 at the end of the month) also have what my previous psychiatrist called a “neurological feeding disorder”.
This is due to impaired interception (internal body sensations) from neonatal brain damage. This brain damage was caused by a hemorrhage, which also caused cerebral palsy. I also have general anxiety disorder and depression.
As a child and teen, I definitely had ARFID behaviors, which were dismissed as picky eating behaviors. It’s just that “high-level” autism, ADHD, and ARFID wasn’t diagnosed in girls in the early 2000s.
I basically lived on a “beige diet” of cereal, bread, snack cakes, pasta, pizza, and some meat, like chicken strips or cheeseburgers. I wouldn’t eat sandwiches, eggs, seafood, fruits, or vegetables, except for peas and white potatoes.
I was somewhat underweight until high school, and I remember my mom would always offer me “chocolate milk” (Pediasure / Ensure) when I was younger. I then gained weight in high school due to depression and just generally eating processed food. At my highest weight in school, I was 135 pounds.
Here’s some backstory about where things started to shift. Trigger warning for numbers, skip over if needed.
///
That carb-heavy diet was up until I turned 24, when I first tried a keto diet for mental health. Things were going really well, until I eventually developed malnutrition from losing too much weight unintentionally. My height is 4’8” tall.
I went from 110 pounds (BMI 25) and 28% body fat to 90 pounds (BMI 20) and 20% body fat in 10 months. October 2021 to August 2022. I couldn’t get warm worth a damn from subnormal body temperatures, and I lost my period at around 95 pounds.
Even so, a calorie intake of 1000-1200 per day on top of 2-3 miles of walking (daily activity and steps) would have eventually lead to relative energy deficiency (RED) at some point because I never knew about planning scheduled refeeding periods to mitigate the down-regulation in metabolism.
Especially when considering that my hunger signals are impaired due to my brain damage. My interception is about half as sensitive as normal. I don’t really feel stomach hunger until it’s very strong. Lots of times, I can hear the noise before I actually feel it. And I can’t say that I’ve ever identified satiety correctly before.
I didn't know that low-calorie interventions shouldn't be done for months at a time without proper nutritional supervision to prevent deficiencies.
Then I gained 20 pounds in 14 months from October 2022 to December 2023 (93 to 113) after having my previous IUD removed, stopping keto, and hormonal eating patterns once I realized that I had PMDD when my period resumed in July 2023 once I had gained back enough weight.
///
Now, I do my best to meet my keto macros and make sure that I get enough calories every day.
I try not to eat under 1200 kcal and keeping a food log helps keep me accountable that I’m not under-eating due to not feeling hungry. Logging wasn’t something that I did last time. I also keep up with my electrolytes, because being in ketosis is very diuretic and sheds electrolytes quickly due the carb restriction.
However, my current diet is relatively… limited, to put it lightly. I mostly eat heavy cream in coffee, heavy-cream ice cream, cream cheese, eggs, and some kind of meat every day to meet my protein requirements. This isn’t the previous “beige diet” of my youth, but rather what I call a “heavy cream diet”.
I used to be hypersensitive to flavors and textures when I was younger, for example, I never ate salads before the age of 24, but that switch “flipped” when I started having reactive eating episodes when I was underweight.
I started eating sandwiches, spicy foods, and seafood, all of which were foods that I was previously very avoidant of, to the point of having anxiety attacks when seeing the shells in shellfish.
Those reactive eating episodes really showed the kind of primal need for food that malnutrition does to the brain, because the body needs a lot of calories to gain back weight while underweight.
Now, instead of avoiding fruit/veg and shellfish, I still avoid sweet fruits, starchy veggies, nuts/seeds, peanut butter, and any other kind of carb food.
I avoid eating because the food isn’t enjoyable anymore. Instead of being hypersensitive, it feels like I’m now hyposensitive, like I just have a general disinterest in food, apart from the usual low appetite. Even when I try to focus, sometimes I can’t mentally “taste” the food.
I can also eat quickly because I can’t feel the food inside my stomach, which makes pacing difficult.
I’m also currently averse to cold coffee because my mouth just says no to for some reason, which may be because my mom explained that cold coffee is less acidic than hot coffee (she was a barista) and tastes different?
However, I will get what I call “vagus hunger” after passing a bowel movement, and I’ll get very hungry. It’s a very distinct feeling, and it’s one of the few times that I can clearly recognize the feeling of hunger.
I eat only one or two “meals” per day, not including the “fat boluses” like cream, oil, or butter that I eat straight or put in my coffee during the day to maintain my ketone levels. The fat helps because I have neurological delayed bowel motility and I take GI meds to manage this.
By the way, I’m using “avoidant” to describe sensory overstimulation, and “averse” to describe choking/nausea symptoms, as that’s what I was previously taught in speech therapy when I when for a few sessions when I was 24 due to neurological swallowing spasms.
Does this sound like ARFID behaviors? OSFED? Where is the line between an “eating” disorder and a “feeding” disorder, if there is one? I was always told that my circumstances were FD related, not ED related, but no one ever explained the difference. Apparently, ARFID isn’t on the ED side, but rather the FD side?
I wouldn’t want to say that I have orthorexia, even though I have some food rules, because I literally eat butter to increase my calories, and that seems against the premise of “healthy foods” even though it’s perfectly acceptable within a keto context.
At the mental health practice I’m currently with, the former psychiatrist left, and the practice is still waiting on a new one. But I want to bring this all to the attention of my psychologist, who knows about my longstanding feeding issues, and then the new psychiatrist, whenever they get hired.
Advice is appreciated, and my chats are open if you don’t want to publicly comment. Thanks in advance!

I'm tired of my inability to write good poetry.
The way it usually goes is like this:
I see something that stirs some emotion. Like maybe on my walk I see a rose bush. Then a line comes to my mind describing the scene. I become obsessed with getting that line right and the feelings in my heart are so intense but when they come out on the page they sound so boring and cliche, like "The rose emits its heavenly scent / as I touch its delicate sun-soaked petals."
I feel mad at myself for using these boring adjectives. Show, show, show, don't tell! Yet how to show what the scent is like? Or the feeling of touching a petal? And who cares? Like why would anybody care how I feel about some flower on a particular day?
If I'm able to change the line to my satisfaction, then there is a different issue, which is where am I going with this? Often my poems turn into something sentimental or me trying to teach people some lesson, like life is fleeting, beauty is subjective, blah blah.
I look at famous contemporary poetry but that's no help either because I don't understand most of them. And the ones I do understand, I cannot see what makes them stand out from thousands of poems published online by people whose poems never get published in these journals.
So I want to hear how you approach this, in particular those of you who write poetry and are satisfied with your poems and maybe have even gotten one published in some prestigious publication.

Hi all,
Not looking for a diagnosis, just looking to see if anyone has had a similar experience.
When I was 17 I began having bladder issues where I would be unable to urinate or feel like I had to urinate immediately after having just urinated. This was especially noticeable if I had a bowel movement and urinated at the same time. I would feel the need to urinate again less than 10 minutes later. What amount of liquid I had consumed did not matter.
This was investigated with a cystoscopy and ultrasound and I was told there was no issue with my bladder.
I’m now 31 and have had increasing issues with my bowel where I’m using the wash room 5-10 times a day.
I have had an endoscopy, colonoscopy, CT scan and ultrasound to explore possible causes. All returned negative.
I often have a slight constant pain in my lower left pubic area and that side of my pubic area is raised. I would not describe it as a bulge.
I have basically been told that it’s all in my head and I need to drink more water.
I’m currently taking Wellbutrin which has slightly helped the urge to have bowel movements but I have no actual improvement in my bowel function.
Would love to hear other opinions.
(I’m convinced I have a hernia)

My 23 year old daughter has been in the E.R. once a week for the past 4 weeks due to the following symptoms: - resting pulse rate of 140 - difficulty breathing (she describes it as a very hot feeling in her neck and then swelling in her throat, behind her thyroid) - Her oxygen level fluctuates during these episodes - she begins to lose consciousness to where she has blurred vision and becomes weak - fever of 101 ( the first two weeks only) but she’s had intermittent fevers since March. - the last week she has experienced severe muscle spasm-like episodes, where her hands go numb and lock. She is unable to move them for 3-7 minutes. - Today, her feet, calves, and stomach muscles tensed up to the point she’s unable to walk or have control of movement in those affected muscles.
The first two visits, she was admitted due to her WBC being at 38,000. After 24 hours, the symptoms subside, her vitals stabilize and WBC returns to near normal. The doctors have run every blood test/culture imaginable and other than her WBC, the only other abnormal level was her thyroid peroxide ab was at 158. She has a history of Hashimoto’s.
This is happening nearly every Tuesday and usually while she’s at work. We’ve logged her activity, diet, routine and nothing is out of the ordinary. The doctors are at a loss and as of now have referred her to an endocrinologist.
She feels discouraged and like nobody is listening or taking it seriously. Has anyone experienced anything like this or have guidance on how we can help her?

This is Ichazo on 1 (I based my thoughts primarily on this document.) I'm not sure how I feel about all the ideas in the following post, so please let me know if something rings false/confusing to you.
Reaction Formation (and why 1-fixers likely won’t identify with it)
We often don’t experience fixations as happening consciously, in real-time, or in words. So the dichotomy of "this reaction is my ‘natural response’ but this other reaction is 'right thing to do'" does not seem to be a common conscious experience with 1. They are aware of how rigid and self-contained they are, but the perception is not "holding off all of these corrupt impulses." They are identifying with the reaction formation, merging with it, falling asleep to the compulsion to do anything else. The fixation is to do a particular "right act," but the “thing” one is moving against can be invisible or unrecognizable. Any time someone feels a strong impulse toward or away from a particular "thing," a reaction is being "formed" toward or away from that thing. (I’d go so far as to say that 9 identifies with the thing-in-itself while 1 identifies with the movement toward/away from matter.)
Ichazo contrasts reaction formation with "sleep," where 9 encounters threats to the self and hypnotizes itself into lack of urgency, and 1 is constantly trying to "jolt itself awake," internalizing the subjective defense mechanisms, which makes them inflexible/trapped and underestimating the degree to which they have their integrity intruded upon, or need to move in response to external threats.
I do think nearly everyone has some 1 in them, and Freud's reaction formation is not "only" the realm of 1, so not everyone who connects with reaction formation is going to be 1-fixed.
Hypocrisy
You often see 1 described as hypocritical. There can be a priggish sense of "I would never even CONSIDER letting myself do that" or "what you are doing reflects this way on yourself and on me, how dare you." In fact in other circumstances, the 1 would let themselves “do that” or witness the same grotesque behavior and not even consider it problematic. Moment-to-moment “defining” of the self becomes “law,” but the laws aren’t consistent. (Or it’s fine the way the 1 does it, but the way you do it…) Oftentimes E1-fixers are more consistent than average, but no one is perfect, so 1 by definition cannot identify with being beyond reproach without becoming a hypocrite.
1 is quick at identifying what it sees as evil (often equated with “couldn’t be me.”) “I have no issue avoiding becoming that.” But everyone is prone to wrongness, including E1. It’s assumed that the “challenge” of having a 1 fix comes from avoiding clear evil when it’s everywhere. Integrating “perfection” with 1 requires being open to directing that gaze at yourself, letting go of denial and constant condemnation, acknowledging the things you hate exist or have the capacity to exist in oneself.
Lines, reaction formation
This relates back to the concept of 1 as an oscillation between its lines, 7 & 4 (Roshanak). 1 is pure self-justification or pure grief. When I’m in 1 space the default for me is generally to find the concept of guilt confusing, to ignore alternative past options in favor of, “I already acted the way I did for a reason, why is there a point to considering something else might have been better?” Hindsight is 20/20, but “present-sight” can only go so far. I think this leads to a sense of detachment in competency. Competent types see the potential for optimism or reactivity and simply “do the obvious” in response to what is “there.” 1 as a competency type does not identify with the outlook, simply decides that existing and doing is enough to justify itself. There is a lack of heady fretting.
But there are times I feel pangs of deep regret on a core level, a pure certainty that I have let something in which doesn’t belong, or let down a loved one, or I acted selfishly and could have something different. “Having done wrong” strikes me as inescapable, as never-to-be-undone, as requiring eternal penance. There’s an eternal identification with the “wrongness which can never be avoided” in a 4ish way. 1 oscillates between 7ish unconditional self-justification and falling into 4ish self-flagellation, uncompromising lack of self-forgiveness.
I come from a Christian background. At the time, I did not understand the concept of being born with sin and needing to be redeemed by someone else. (Still don’t “understand” it on a core level, really.)
1) A baby hasn’t done anything yet, how can its “essence” be sinful
2) If it’s possible to identify what the right and wrong thing is, can’t I just simply choose to do the right thing until the day I die?
3) In other words, if there logically is no essential “evil” in me, it is not required that I be imperfect like every other human ever was.

In the ’80s, the spy agency investigated the "Gateway Experience" technique to alter consciousness and ultimately escape spacetime.
The intrigue revolves around a classified 1983 CIA report on a technique called the Gateway Experience, which is a training system designed to focus brainwave output to alter consciousness and ultimately escape the restrictions of time and space.
The CIA was interested in all sorts of psychic research at the time, including the theory of applications of remote viewing, which is when someone views real events with only the power of their mind. The documents have since been declassified and are available to view.
This is a comprehensive excavation of The Gateway Process report. The first section provides a timeline of the key historical developments that led to the CIA’s investigation and subsequent experimentations. The second section is a review of The Gateway Process report. It opens with a wall of theoretical context, on the other side of which lies enough understanding to begin to grasp the principles underlying the Gateway Experience training. The last section outlines the Gateway technique itself and the steps that go into achieving spacetime transcendence.
Let’s go.
THE TIMELINE
• 1950s - Robert Monroe, a radio broadcasting executive, begins producing evidence that specific sound patterns have identifiable effects on human capabilities. These include alertness, sleepiness, and expanded states of consciousness.
• 1956 - Monroe forms an R&D division inside his radio program production corporation RAM Enterprises. The goal is to study sound’s effect on human consciousness. He was obsessed with “Sleep-Learning," or hypnopedia, which exposes sleepers to sound recordings to boost memory of previously learned information.
• 1958 - While experimenting with Sleep-Learning, Monroe discovers an unusual phenomenon. He describes it as sensations of paralysis and vibration accompanied by bright light. It allegedly happens nine times over the proceeding six weeks, and culminates in an out-of-body experience (OBE).
• 1962 - RAM Enterprises moves to Virginia, and renames itself Monroe Industries. It becomes active in radio station ownership, cable television, and later in the production and sale of audio cassettes. These cassettes contain applied learnings from the corporate research program, which is renamed The Monroe Institute.
• 1971 - Monroe publishes Journeys Out of the Body, a book that is credited with popularizing the term “out-of-body experience.”
• 1972 - A classified report circulates in the U.S. military and intelligence communities. It claims that the Soviet Union is pouring money into research involving ESP and psychokinesis for espionage purposes.
• 1975 - Monroe registers the first of several patents concerning audio techniques designed to stimulate brain functions until the left and right hemispheres become synchronized. Monroe dubs the state "Hemi-Sync" (hemispheric synchronization), and claims it could be used to promote mental well-being or to trigger an altered state of consciousness.
• 1978 to 1984 - Army veteran Joseph McMoneagle contributes to 450 remote viewing missions under Project Stargate. He is known as “Remote View No. 1”.
• June 9th, 1983 - The CIA report "Analysis and Assessment of The Gateway Process" is produced. It provides a scientific framework for understanding and expanding human consciousness, out-of-body experiments, and other altered states of mind.
• 1989 - Remote viewer Angela Dellafiora Ford helps track down a former customs agent who has gone on the run. She pinpoints his location as “Lowell, Wyoming”. U.S. Customs apprehend him 100 miles west of a Wyoming town called Lovell.
• 2003 - The CIA approves declassification of the Gateway Process report.
• 2017 - The CIA declassifies 12 million pages of records revealing previously unknown details about the program, which would eventually become known as Project Stargate.
THE REPORT
Personnel
The author of The Gateway Process report is Lieutenant Colonel Wayne M. McDonnell, hereon referred to simply as Wayne. There isn’t a tremendous amount of information available on the man, nor any photographs. In 1983, Wayne was tasked by the Commander of the U.S. Army Operational Group with figuring out how The Gateway Experience, astral projection and out-of-body experiences work. Wayne partnered with a bunch of different folks to produce the report, most notably Itzhak Bentov, a very Googleable American-Israeli scientist who helped pioneer the biomedical engineering industry.
A scientific approach
From the outset of the report, Wayne states his intent to employ an objective scientific method in order to understand the Gateway process. The various scientific avenues he takes include:
• A biomedical inquiry to understand the physical aspects of the process.
• Information on quantum mechanics to describe the nature and functioning of human consciousness.
• Theoretical physics to explain the time-space dimension and means by which expanded human consciousness transcends it.
• Classical physics to bring the whole phenomenon of out-of-body states into the language of physical science (and remove the stigma of an occult connotation).
Methodological frames of reference
Before diving into the Gateway Experience, Wayne develops a frame of reference by dissecting three discrete consciousness-altering methodologies. He’s basically saying, there’s no way you’re going to get through The Gateway without a solid grounding in the brain-altering techniques that came before it.
1) He begins with hypnosis. The language is extremely dense, but the basic gist is as follows: the left side of the brain screens incoming stimuli, categorizing, assessing and assigning meaning to everything through self-cognitive, verbal, and linear reasoning. The left hemisphere then dishes the carefully prepared data to the non-critical, holistic, pattern-oriented right hemisphere, which accepts everything without question. Hypnosis works by putting the left side to sleep, or at least distracting it long enough to allow incoming data direct, unchallenged entry to the right hemisphere. There, stimuli can reach the sensor and motor cortices of the right brain, which corresponds to points in the body. Suggestions then can send electrical signals from the brain to certain parts of the body. Directing these signals appropriately, according to the report, can elicit reactions ranging from left leg numbness to feelings of happiness. Same goes for increased powers of concentration.
2) Wayne continues with a snapshot of transcendental meditation. He distinguishes it from hypnotism. Through concentration the subject draws energy up the spinal cord, resulting in acoustical waves that run through the cerebral ventricles, to the right hemisphere, where they stimulate the cerebral cortex, run along the homunculus and then to the body. The waves are the altered rhythm of heart sounds, which create sympathetic vibrations in the walls of the fluid-filled cavities of the brain’s ventricles. He observed that the symptoms begin in the left side of the body, confirming the right brain’s complicity. Bentov also states that the same effect might be achieved by prolonged exposure to 4 - 7 Hertz/second acoustical vibrations. He suggests standing by an air conditioning duct might also do the trick. (David’s Lynch and other celebrities are committed adherents to transcendental meditation today.)
3) Biofeedback, on the other hand, uses the left hemisphere to gain access to the right brain’s lower cerebral, motor, and sensory cortices. Whereas hypnosis suppresses one side of the brain, and TM bypasses that side altogether, biofeedback teaches the left hemisphere to visualize the desired result, recognize the feelings associated with right hemisphere access, and ultimately achieve the result again. With repetition, the left brain can reliably key into the right brain, and strengthen the pathways so that it can be accessed during a conscious demand mode. A digital thermometer is subsequently placed on a target part of the body. When its temperature increases, objective affirmation is recognized and the state is reinforced. Achieving biofeedback can block pain, enhance feeling, and even suppress tumors, according to the report.
The Gateway mechanics
With that, Wayne takes a first stab at the Gateway process. He classifies it as a “training system designed to bring enhanced strength, focus and coherence to the amplitude and frequency of brainwave output between the left and right hemispheres so as to alter consciousness.”
What distinguishes the Gateway process from hypnosis, TM, and biofeedback, is that it requires achieving a state of consciousness in which the electrical brain patterns of both hemispheres are equal in amplitude and frequency. This is called Hemi-Sync. Lamentably, and perhaps conveniently, we cannot as humans achieve this state on our own. The audio techniques developed by Bob Monroe and his Institute (which are comprised as a series of tapes). claim to induce and sustain Hemi-Sync.
Wayne employs the analogy of a lamp versus a laser. Left to its own devices the human mind expends energy like a lamp, in a chaotic and incoherent way, achieving lots of diffusion but relatively little depth. Under Hemi-Sync though, the mind produces a “disciplined stream of light.” So, once the frequency and amplitude of the brain are rendered coherent it can then synchronize with the rarified energy levels of the universe. With this connection intact, the brain begins to receive symbols and display astonishing flashes of holistic intuition.
The Hemi-Sync technique takes advantage of a Frequency Following Response (FFR). It works like this: an external frequency emulating a recognized one will cause the brain to mimic it. So if a subject hears a frequency at the Theta level, it will shift from its resting Beta level. To achieve these unnatural levels, Hemi-Sync puts a single frequency in the left ear and a contrasting frequency in the right. The brain then experiences the Delta frequency, also known as the beat frequency. It’s more familiarly referred to these days as binaural beats. With the FFR and beat frequency phenomena firmly in place, The Gateway Process introduces a series of frequencies at marginally audible, subliminal levels. With the left brain relaxed and the body in a virtual sleep state, the conditions are ideal to promote brainwave outputs of higher and higher amplitude and frequency. Alongside subliminal suggestions from Bob Monroe (naturally), the subject can then alter their consciousness.
The Gateway system only works when the audio, which is introduced through headphones, is accompanied by a physical quietude comparable to other forms of meditation. This increases the subject’s internal resonance to the body’s sound frequencies, for example the heart. This eliminates the “bifurcation echo”, in which the heartbeat moves up and down the body seven times a second. By placing the body in a sleep-like state, The Gateway CD’s, like meditation, lessen the force and frequency of the heartbeat pushing blood into the aorta. The result is a rhythmic sine wave that in turn amplifies the sound volume of the heart three times. This then amplifies the frequency of brainwave output. The film surrounding the brain—the dura—and fluid between that film and the skull, eventually begin to move up and down, by .0005 and .010 millimeters.
The body, based on its own micro-motions, then functions as a tuned vibrational system. The report claims that the entire body eventually transfers energy at between 6.8 and 7.5 Hertz, which matches Earth’s own energy (7 - 7.5 Hertz). The resulting wavelengths are long, about 40,000 kilometers, which also happens to be the perimeter of the planet. According to Bentov, the signal can move around the world’s electrostatic field in 1/7th of a second.
To recap, the Gateway Process goes like this:
• Induced state of calm
• Blood pressure lowers
• Circulatory system, skeleton and other organ systems begin to vibrate at 7 - 7.5 cycles per second
• Increased resonance is achieved
• The resulting sound waves matches the electrostatic field of the earth
• The body and earth and other similarly tuned minds become a single energy continuum.
We’ve gotten slightly ahead of ourselves here though. Back to the drawing board.
A psycho-quantum level deeper
Wayne then turns to the very nature of matter and energy. More materially (or less if you will), solid matter in the strict construction of the term, he explains, doesn’t exist. The atomic structure is composed of oscillating energy grids surrounded by other oscillating energy grids at tremendous speeds. These oscillation rates vary—the nucleus of an atom vibrates at 10 to the power of 22, a molecule vibrates at 10 to the power of 9, a human cell vibrates at 10 to the power of 3. The point is that the entire universe is one complex system of energy fields. States of matter in this conception then are merely variations in the state of energy.
The result of all these moving energies, bouncing off of energy at rest, projects a 3D mode, a pattern, called a hologram, A.K.A our reality as we experience it. It's best to think of it as a 3D photograph. There’s a whole rabbit hole to go down here. Suffice it to say, the hologram that is our experience is incredibly good at depicting and recording all the various energies bouncing around creating matter. So good, in fact, that we buy into it hook, line, and sinker, going so far as to call it our "life."
Consciousness then can be envisaged as a 3D grid system superimposed over all energy patterns, Wayne writes. Using mathematics, each plane of the grid system can then reduce the data to a 2D form. Our binary (go/no go) minds can then process the data and compare it to other historical data saved in our memory. Our reality is then formed by comparisons. The right hemisphere of the brain acts as the primary matrix or receptor for this holographic input. The left hemisphere then compares it to other data, reducing it to its 2D form.
In keeping with our species' commitment to exceptionalism, as far as we know humans are uniquely capable of achieving this level of consciousness. Simply, humans not only know, but we know that we know. This bestows upon us the ability to duplicate aspects of our own hologram, project them out, perceive that projection, run it through a comparison with our own memory of the hologram, measure the differences using 3D geometry, then run it through our binary system to yield verbal cognition of the self.
The click-out phase
Wayne then shows his cards as a true punisher, issuing, "Up to this point our discussion of the Gateway process has been relatively simple and easy to follow. Now the fun begins." Shots fired, Wayne. What he's preparing the commander reading this heady report for is the reveal—how we can use the Gateway to transcend the dimension of spacetime.
Time is a measurement of energy or force in motion; it is a measurement of change. This is really important. For energy to be classified as in motion, it must be confined within a vibratory pattern that can contain its motion, keeping it still. Energy not contained like this is boundary-less, and moves without limit or dimension, to infinity. This disqualifies boundary-less energy from the dimension of time because it has no rate of change. Energy in infinity, also called "the absolute state," is completely at rest because nothing is accelerating or decelerating it—again, no change. It therefore does not contribute to our hologram, our physical experience. We cannot perceive it.
Now back to frequencies. Wave oscillation occurs because a wave is bouncing between two rigid points of rest. It's like a game of electromagnetic hot potato (the potato being the wave and the participants' hands being the boundaries of the wave). Without these limits, there would be no oscillation. When a wave hits one of those points of rest, just for a very brief instant, it "clicks out" of spacetime and joins infinity. For this to occur, the speed of the oscillation has to drop below 10 the power of -33 centimeters per second. For a moment, the wave enters into a new world. The potato simply disappears into a dimension we cannot perceive.
Theoretically speaking, if the human consciousness wave pattern reaches a high enough frequency, the “click-outs” can reach continuity. Put another way, if the frequency of human consciousness can dip below 10 to the power of 33 centimeters per second but above a state of total rest, it can transcend spacetime. The Gateway experience and associated Hemi-Sync technique is designed for humans to achieve this state and establish a coherent pattern of perception in the newly realized dimensions.
Passport to the hologram
In theory, we can achieve the above at any time. The entire process though is helped along if we can separate the consciousness from our body. It’s like an existential running head start where the click-out of a consciousness already separated from its body starts much closer to, and has more time to dialogue with, other dimensions.
This is where things get a little slippery; hold on as best you can. The universe is in on the whole hologram thing, too, Wayne writes. This super hologram is called a "torus" because it takes the shape of a fuck-off massive self-contained spiral. Like this:
Give yourself a moment to let the above motion sink in...
This pattern of the universe conspicuously mirrors the patterns of electrons around the nucleus of an atom. Galaxies north of our own are moving away from us faster than the galaxies to the south; galaxies to the east and west of us are more distant. The energy that produced the matter that makes up the universe we presently enjoy, will turn back in on itself eventually. Its trajectory is ovoid, also known as the cosmic egg. As it curls back on itself it enters a black hole, goes through a densely packed energy nucleus then gets spat out the other side of a white hole and begins the process again. Springtime in the cosmos, baby!
And that is the context in which the Gateway Experience sits.
[Deep breaths.]
THE TECHNIQUE
The following is an outline of the key steps to reach focus levels necessary to defy the spacetime dimension. This is an involved and lengthy process best attempted in controlled settings. If you’re in a rush, you can apparently listen to enough Monroe Institute Gateway Tapes in 7 days to get there.
The Energy Conversion Box: The Gateway Process begins by teaching the subject to isolate any extraneous concerns using a visualization process called “the energy conversion box.”
Resonant Humming: The individual is introduced to resonant humming. Through the utterance of a protracted single tone, alongside a chorus on the tapes, the mind and body achieve a state of resonance.
The Gateway Affirmation: The participant is exposed to something close to a mantra called The Gateway Affirmation. They must repeat to themselves variations of, “I am merely a physical body and deeply desire to expand my consciousness.”
Hemi-Sync: The individual is finally exposed to the Hemi-Sync sound frequencies, and encouraged to develop a relationship with the feelings that emerge.
Additional Noise: Physical relaxation techniques are practiced while the Hemi-Sync frequencies are expanded to include “pink and white” noise. This puts the body in a state of virtual sleep, while calming the left hemisphere and raising the attentiveness of the right hemisphere.
The Energy Balloon: The individual is then encouraged to visualize the creation of an “energy balloon” beginning at the top of the head, extending down in all directions to the feet then back up again. There are a few reasons for this, the main one being that this balloon will provide protection against conscious entities possessing lower energy levels that he or she may encounter when in the out-of-body state.
Focus 12: The practitioner can consistently achieve sufficient expanded awareness to begin interacting with dimensions beyond their physical reality. To achieve this state requires conscious efforts and more “pink and white noise” from the sound stream.
Tools: Once Focus 12 is achieved, the subject can then employ a series of tools to obtain feedback from alternate dimensions.
Problem Solving: The individual identifies fundamental problems, fills their expanded awareness with them, and then projects them out into the universe. These can include personal difficulties, as well as technical or practical problems.
Patterning: Consciousness is used to achieve desired objectives in the physical, emotional, or intellectual sphere.
Color Breathing: A healing technique that revitalizes the body’s energy flows by imagining colors in a particularly vivid manner.
Energy Bar Tool: This technique involves imagining a small intensely pulsating dot of light that the participant charges up. He or she then uses the sparkling, vibrating cylinder of energy (formerly known as the dot) to channel forces from the universe to heal and revitalize the body.
Remote Viewing: A follow-on technique of the Energy Bar Tool where the dot is turned into a whirling vortex through which the individual sends their imagination in search of illuminating insights.
Living Body Map: A more organized use of the energy bar in which streams of different colors flow from the dot on to correspondingly-colored bodily systems.
Seven days of training have now occurred. Approximately 5 percent of participants get to this next level, according to the report.
Focus 15 - Travel Into the Past: Additional sound on the Hemi-Sync tapes includes more of the same, plus some subliminal suggestions to further expand the consciousness. The instructions are highly symbolic: time is a huge wheel, in which different spokes give access to the participant’s past.
Focus 21 - The Future: This is the last and most advanced state. Like Focus 15, this is a movement out of spacetime into the future.
Out-of-Body Movement: Only one tape of the many is devoted to out-of-body movement. This tape is devoted to facilitating an out-of-body state when the participant’s brain wave patterns and energy levels reach harmony with the surrounding electromagnetic environment. According to Bob Monroe, the participant has to be exposed to Beta signals of around 2877.3 cycles per second.
CONCLUSIONS
Wayne expresses concern about the fidelity of information brought back from out-of-body states using the Gateway technique. Practical applications are of particular concern because of the potential for “information distortion.”
The Monroe Institute also ran into a bunch of issues in which they had individuals travel from the West to the East Coast of the U.S. to read a series of numbers off of a computer screen. They never got them exactly right. Wayne chalks this up to the trouble of differentiating between physical entities and extra-time-space dimensions when in the out-of-body state.
Wayne swings back to support mode though, lending credence to the physics foundation of the report. He cites multiple belief systems that have established identical findings. These include the Tibetan Shoug, the Hindu heaven of Indra, the Hebrew mystical philosophy, and the Christian concept of the Trinity. Here he seems more interested in hammering home the theoretical underpinnings that make The Gateway Experience possible, rather than the practical possibilities promised by The Gateway Tapes.
Possibly with his CIA top brass audience in mind, Wayne then gives an A-type nod to The Gateway Experience for providing a faster, more efficient, less subservient, energy-saving route to expanded consciousness. This finishes with a series of recommendations to the CIA for how to exploit Gateway’s potential for national defense purposes.
The missing page
One curious feature of The Gateway Report is that it seems to be missing page 25. It’s a real cliffhanger too. The bottom of page 24 reads “And, the eternal thought or concept of self which results from this self-consciousness serves the,” The report picks back up on page 26 and 3 sections later as if Wayne hadn’t just revealed the very secret of existence.
The gap has not gone unnoticed. There's a Change.org petition requesting its release. Multiple Freedom of Information Act requests have demanded the same. In all cases, the CIA has said they never had the page to begin with. Here’s a 2019 response from Mark Lilly, the CIA’s Information and Privacy Coordinator, to one Bailey Stoner regarding these records:
One theory goes that that rascal Wayne M.-fricking-McDonnell left the page out on purpose. The theory contends that it was a litmus test—if anyone truly defies time-space dimensions, they’ll certainly be able to locate page 25.
[Cosmic shrug.]
Writing Credit Vice
​
CIA Declassified Report– The Gateway Experience
Here is a copy of the Missing Page 25
There will be a Gateway Help Post following within the next couple days. Thought you might be interested in a little history in the meantime. Cheers!

The afterlife has been one of the key features of nearly every faith that ever existed, but that doesn't mean all of them think about the hereafter in the same way, the differences between the ultimate fate of the departed and their location vary too much for a unified view, this thread aims to provide a very brief summary about common afterlife beliefs in recorded religions.
The locations and conditions of the afterlife vary a lot in many ways, including how pleasant or unpleasant they are, how earthly or fantastical they are, if there is some sort of morality attached to it or not and if the dead still have the same physical needs they had in life or not.
Keep in mind this list is by no means a complete list and it only briefly explains the main concepts of recorded religions through history, concepts that are too obscure, ambiguous or unrecorded aren't part of this summary.
REINCARNATION
Reincarnation means coming back to life in a new body with a new personality, it's most common in Eastern religions such as Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism and Sikhism, as well as new religious movements such as New Age and Spiritualism, some small sects within Western religions believe that too, but it's a minority view.
Some ancient religions from all over the world have this concept too but they are poorly attested, the Maya, Aztecs, Celts and the Norse believed in reincarnation at least for some people or parts of the soul, but it's very difficult to know if this belief was universal and how it worked exactly, Greeks and Romans were aware of this concept but it seems this belief was more commonly held by certain philosopher circles and mystery cults and never reached mainstream acceptance.
RESURRECTION
Resurrection means coming back to life in the same body with the same personality, it's a very common concept in Western religions like Judaism, Christianity and Islam, as well as Zoroastrianism, but not all sects within each of these faiths believe this as an universal feature, at least not in the same way, usually the resurrected have their bodies restored the way it was in life and sometimes they are described as being perfect and immortal.
ANNIHILATION
To put it bluntly, annihilation means the true death of the soul, it means cessation of existence, it's a minority view held by some denominations within Christianity such as Seventh Day Adventists, I'm not sure if any other modern religion has the same idea.
Despite being a seemingly modern idea, it's anything but, ancient Egyptian religion had the same idea for at least part of its history, the goddess Ammit devoured the soul of those deemed unworthy and they ceased to exist.
HEAVEN
A heaven is defined as a place that is perfect or at least much better than Earth, all of the major modern religions have at least 1 heaven and many ancient religions had the same concept, it can be eternal or temporary and the criteria for admission is very different in each religion, sometimes it's following said religion, it can be being very benevolent and in some ancient religions, being a hero or an important warrior who died in battle.
It's known as Jannah in Islam and Garodman in Zoroastrianism, Eastern faiths tend to have several heavens but they are temporary, Greeks and Romans had a concept of heaven called Elysium, the Norse had a similar concept in form of Valhalla and Folkvangr for warriors and heroes slain in war, but it's hard to know how widespread the belief was, Egyptians had a heaven called Sekhet Aaru, the final home of those deemed worthy by the gods, but it was a place people still had to work.
In some depictions it is impossible to describe exatcly what it is because it demands a consciousness well beyond the human capacity to understand, in other depictions it's descibed as very earthly in geography and the way its residents live, in some beliefs of New Age and Spiritualism, people create their own heavens in the astral plane by the power of their own thoughts or they are attracted to such places becase of their mindset.
HELL
A hell is defined as a place to punish the wicked or at least as a place much worse than Earth, all of the major modern religions have at least 1 hell and many ancient religions had the same concept, it can be eternal or temporary, that's why I'm lumping the concept of Purgatory here, the criteria for admission are different in every religion, but for some reason it's usually described in a very earthly manner.
Hell is known as Jahannam in Islam and Duzakh in Zoroastrianism, Eastern faiths tend to have several hells such as Naraka, Niraya, it's known as Diyu in China, Greeks and Romans had a hell called Tartarus for the wicked.
In some understandings of New Age and Spiritualism, people create their own hells in the astral plane by the power of their own thoughts or they are attracted to such places because of their mindset, Emanuel Swedenborg, one of the first Spiritualists, believed hell was a place the wicked went to by their own choice because it made them happy.
UNDERWORLD
The underworld, also known as netherworld, is a place for neither reward nor punishment, it's the place all the dead go to regardless of their behavior in life, but in some cases a select few could be taken to a heaven or hell, this was a very common view in ancient Near Eastern religions, but as far as I know, no modern religion kept this concept as an afterlife destination.
The netherworld is usually described as very earthly and as a gloomy and dreary place located in a dark cave below the ground, the dead usually lead a similar existence to when they were alive, so much that they are sometimes depicted as still needing to eat and drink and some people would pour libation on the grave of their family members, because the food and water of the netherworld were said to taste horrible.
The underworld was known by Sumerians and Akkadians by names like Kur, Irkalla, Arali, Ganzer, Ersetu among many others, Canaanites knew it as Sheol and Greeks knew it as Hades before they added ideas of heaven and hell, not all depictions of the netherworld were so bleak and depressing, people could make it more bearable by being buried with their possessions to take with them to the underworld.

• August 2020
  • Start to notice symptoms
• August 2021 - October 2021
  • Undergo an elimination diet to try to see if I have food intolerances
• November 2021
  • See a naturopathic doctor – basically doesn’t help at all.
• December 2022
  • See a gastroenterologist in Colorado. (South Denver Gastroenterology)
    • Undergo tests – they come back healthy. Blood test = healthy. Don’t have Celiac. They do say that my thyroid is technically in the healthy range but to watch it.
• January 2023
  • Undergo a breath test – comes back positive for SIBO.
• March 2023
  • Take a round of Xifaxan – no improvements in symptoms.
• May 2023
  • Take a second round of Xifaxan – no improvements in symptoms.
  • Undergo a second breath test – comes back positive for SIBO but with improvements in the test measurements.
• June 2023
  • Take a third round of Xifaxan – no improvements in symptoms.
• July 2023
  • Undergo the Ruscio Elemental Heal Diet for 6 days – notice some improvements in symptoms.
  • Undergo a low-FODMAP diet for about a month – notice bad symptoms starting to return.
• August 2023
  • Pray and start eating without any restrictions – notice symptoms
• September 2023
  • Symptoms start to get worse.
  • See Dr. Hannah Hamlin. She begins by prescribing me the following:
    • Treatment Plan for SIBO:
    • Triple Probiotic Therapy: Take one stick per day for 60 days.
    • Herbal Antimicrobial Protocol:
    • Biota-Clear 1b : 2 pills, 2x per day, best with food, 2 bottles of 60 capsules needed
    • Biota-Clear 1a : 4 pills, 2x per day, best with food, 2 bottles of 120 capsules needed
    • Multivitamin: 2 per day for 60 days
    • Supplement/dp/B07KCZ6CDW/ref=sr_1_24?crid=BE5KSKA02TSD&keywords=multivitamin&qid=1695244863&rdc=1&sprefix=multivitamin,aps,102&sr=8-24
    • Nutrition: Low-FODMAP Diet - see handout - Remember to follow only 80% of the time.
    • Movement: F45 2-3x per week, walk/yoga 30 min 2-3x per week.
    • Sleep: Aim for 8.5 hours of sleep per night on average.
    • Supplements: Continue vitamin C at home, hold other home supplements at this time.
• October 2023
  • The protocol was not helping. Dr. Hannah Hamlin then prescribes that I halve the doses of herbal antimicrobials and halve the probiotic stick per day. The Low FODMAP diet did not seem to be helping, so she told me I no longer needed to live by it.
  • October 5, 2023
    • Started the entire protocol
  • October 16, 2023
    • Started doing the half dosage amounts
  • October 18, 2023
    • Stopped doing the low FODMAP since I was still bloated even when only eating strictly low FODMAP meals.
  • October 18 - 30, 2023
    • Was going in waves of being super slim and then being back to super bloated again
• November 2023
  • November 1, 2023
    • Ceased all medicine to see if the supplements leaving my body would return my body to a balance.
  • November 1 - 8, 2023
    • Saw great improvements and reduced bloating
  • November 9, 2023
    • Bad bloating and constipation until November 11
  • November 11, 2023
    • Excluding November 9, I had sen significant improvements in my symptoms. The symptoms that remained included excessive burping (even when having not consumed food) and light bloating even if I had not eaten.
  • November 17, 2023
    • Meet with Dr. Hannah Hamlin. She prescribes that I take Psyllium Husk and Magnesium daily to combat constipation. She also advises that I reintroduce the probiotics and herbal antimicrobials from before at full dosages until running out of them.
• December 2023
  • December 6, 2023
    • Started the regimen again, and my bloating and constipation had been super bad since. The constipation pills were not helping either. Thus, Dr. Hannah Hamlin advises me to hold off on the probiotics and herbal antimicrobials until I start having daily bowel movements.
  • December 16, 2023
    • After following Dr. Hamlin’s above advice, my body definitely improved, but the constipation remained. I am having daily bowel movements, but it doesn’t feel like they are fully getting everything out. I tried eating foods rich in fiber, running on the treadmill, drinking black coffee, etc., but nothing seemed to make a consistent impact. Remaining symptoms: constipation, bloating (not as bad as originally but still present), and burping even when having not eaten anything.
  • End of December, 2023
    • Start using senna tea to increase bowel movements. I had multiple days in a row where my stomach was completely flat and healthy looking.
    • BUT, I left for Europe for a 3-week long study abroad trip, and now my stomach is back to being very bloated and constipated daily–despite using senna tea during the trip. I was discouraged because I was doing really well right up until I started traveling for study abroad.
• January 2024
  • January 29, 2024
    • Appointment with Dr. Hannah Hamlin. She said: Week 1: continue Psyllium Husk and magnesium for daily bowel movements. Week 2: Start probiotic sticks. Remember the first days can sometimes cause a worsening of symptoms. If by day 7, you aren’t back to baseline of feeling better, then decrease to ½ dose per day. Week 3: Start herbal antimicrobials. Follow up in 6 weeks.
• February 2024
  • February 3, 2024
    • Get an infection and have to take the antibiotic Amoxicillin. Halt all other medication until completed the round of Amoxicillin.
• March 2024
  • Continued the protocol prescribed in January, 2024. Within a week or so, my stomach was doing MUCH better after starting the probiotic sticks. Unfortunately, I got sick again for the second time and had to take Amoxicillin again. Then, my stomach was extremely bloated and felt like I had regressed. Spoke with Dr. Hannah Hamlin, and she advised that I continue the treatment described in January, 2024.
• April 2024
  • April 17, 2024
    • Met with Dr. Hamlin. Felt like my body was 80% better on a 100% scale.
    • She advised that I finish the protocol outlined in January, 2024.
  • April 29, 2024
    • I had been taking vitamins to try to prevent getting sick again (since I had been sick twice earlier in the year. Realized the Iron supplement I was taking may have been causing extra constipation–so I ceased taking all extra at-home vitamins other than Vitamin D. I continued the protocol that Dr. Hannah Hamlin had prescribed.
• May 2024
  • May 9, 2024
    • Finished the protocol outlined in January, 2024. My stomach honestly seemed worse.
    • Met with Dr. Hannah Hamlin. She prescribed that I start trying to do core exercises to strengthen my stomach and that I try meditation…

Symptoms:

• Constant bloating – look like I’m 7 months pregnant all the time
• Excessive gas
• Excessive bloating that causes discomfort and tiredness
• Constipation

Not consistent but symptoms I encountered in the past:

• Fatigue, tiredness
• Brain fog? (not fully sure if that’s what I am experiencing, but I will feel out-of-it at times.)

I read that in French, most adjectives go after the noun with notable exceptions, which go before. And if there are more than one adjective being used as a descriptor, they require 'et' as in

"homme intelligent et gentil"
"beau et petit homme."

What if you want to describe a boy as handsome and small AND smart and kind. Based on the rules, it appears that it would be:

"beau et petit homme intelligent et gentil"

The important note: beau and petit go before; and intelligent and gentil go after based on the adjective rules. But even that feels very clunky and odd. I know that this could easily be mitigated by splitting it as in

"un beau et petit homme qui est aussi gentil et intelligent"

That said, what if I really wanted to say "beautiful, small, smart, and kind" at the same time to describe a man. In English, it's okay to make a list of adjectives to describe a noun without it sounding clunky. If the adjectives become too long, would it be acceptable to say:

"un homme, beau, petit, gentil et intelligent"

But does this exist in French?

So, it’s been suggested that we present a simplified overview of the recent essays (linked below) that I co-wrote with respected analyst Hanna Kahlert, of renowned London-based MIDiA Research, which covered so much territory of interconnected concepts that all affect the current and future viability of the music industry. This summary eschews the essays’ “$10 words,” (with the exception of using “eschews” here!) with which some have struggled, and is shared in the bite-sized, more digestible form of a survey and petition in combination with this summary/bullet point preface of some of the most salient points. The survey and petition presents the essence of our thesis in the uncomplicated context of a proactive social impact campaign format.
First, let me explain. I grew up in a Long Island suburb town (about thirty miles outside New York City) during the “English Invasion” of music. I’d first hear new releases on my FM clock radio tuned to stations that prided themselves on finding the “cool stuff” first. It was a time when we were met almost every day with another astounding, mind-blowing record and artist to discover, often with something worth thinking about and culturally significant. Sometimes these releases would even be life-changing. Many of these recordings would become iconic — classic evergreens with songs covered endlessly. Yes, like today, there were also dismissable records then. The difference would seem to be that there are more songs about nothing today, replete with de rigeur profanity that only further detracts and is anything but “cool." While there are some very imaginative productions and impressive singers, there are few records now that demand a cerebral, emotional response, and there is a dearth that will be remembered as moving the needle at all, so to speak. Even customary love themes are largely just recycled imitations of the greats.
Since I also relate to the sensitivity of empaths — someone attuned to the deep feelings of those around them at a personal level — I tend to gravitate to music with a message that connects with us viscerally, that which touches the soul. Especially in our currently fraught times, there clearly is a need for thought-provoking music and for more attention given to the evolution of this genre of what was once deemed “protest songs.” Socially poignant music is a category that disguises protest in metaphors and yet is just as potent. It will create community and superfans, lift spirits, and engender a large movement of positive social advocacy. I established Socially Driven Music to develop and market #Music4APurpose. The concept resonated with Hanna Kahlert and we set about to co-write what we envision.
While developing our conclusions towards offering actionable, viable value-propositions for the music industry, we took several months to sort our ideas, research, digest and assimilate the daily deluge of information about changes battering the music industry. While I wasn’t aware that Mark Mulligan, MIDiA’s Founder and Managing Director, was developing his “Bifurcation Theory,” it is validating to be in sync with his thinking and to be presenting what I consider to be the roadmap to implementing that theory. I am excited about offering takeaways that will hopefully propel many away from feelings of helpless, hopeless despair and towards optimism and positive activism through the enrapture we seek from our music and the communities built around it.
Socially driven music has traditionally been a powerful way to raise awareness about issues across the board, such as Discrimination, Climate, Democracy, Mental Health, Bullying, Substance Abuse, Antisemitism, Equality, Homelessness, Veterans, Suicide,Terrorism, Gun Control, Women’s Productive Rights, Food and Clean Water Insecurity, Cancer and other illnesses, Animal Rights/Protection, Environmental Justice, Oceans, LGBTQ+ rights, etc. Our mandate recognizes the crucial difference of a sustained campaign animated by a song.
Above all, we must always remember and honor “The Greatest Generation” (and all Veterans) who fought and died upholding ideals that they expected us to continue to respect. Political affiliation is most often indoctrinated and not questioned individually. Support traditional Republican philosophy if you must, but #MAGA is not the antidote to Democrats and is authoritarian and dangerous to our democracy!
All causes, including music rights, are affected by the influence of a common denominator — politics. Each social cause group is a large community which can be further grown and energized with the natural evolution of fans to music superfans. Compelling socially thematic music enraptures and beckons fans to demonstrate their proud commonality and membership in a next generation fan club that can actually impact society with its fervor and political influence.
Socially Driven Music, the #Music4APurpose consultancy brand, powers extraordinary reciprocal benefits for artists and songwriters when integrated with the community of fans, causes, supportive brands and empathetic politicians ! [info@sociallydrivenmusic.com](mailto:info@sociallydrivenmusic.com)
A list of many social impact causes can be found in the dropdown menu here.
We are thrilled and very appreciative to have been invited to talk with some of the most highly regarded podcast and webinar programs which will include delving into why major record labels discouraging artists espousing political views is anachronistic, irrelevant and no longer a barrier.
As you work through the survey and petition in this post, you’ll likely have an “aha moment.” We look forward to working with you and our fast growing interactive coaltion who share a passion for energizing positive changes in causes that matter to us all.

Join us. Democracy is a big issue in 2024 and one we can influence together! (The correct local and national choices will influence the rest.)

ONE:
The Survey
TWO:
The Petition
THREE:
Connect With Your Senators and Representatives
Identify your Senators and Congressional Representatives with this link and website tool, below, and let us know in the above survey for what purpose you’d like to collaborate with them. Socially Driven Music’s mandate is to facilitate a potent music-fan-cause-brand-political influencer consortium for positive social impact.
Raise your hand in the survey if you are an artist who might want to volunteer at a voting polling station or actually volunteer to help a campaign with calling voters (and meet some new fans).
PS: Although this piece is focused on how music can influence American politics and the fraught issues it impacts, this same template can be applied worldwide. Talk to us!
And here is the epitome example of what we aspire to create:
Paul Simon wrote the masterpiece “American Tune” in 1973 and it applies 51 years later even more to today’s troubled times. This is one of the best examples of the socially poignant music that we contend is so important to create again today, and a brilliant example of a copyright that will live on forever.
The first link is Rhiannon Giddens with Paul at the Grammy Salute evening for him. The second link is Paul’s original.
The song will bring the listener to tears as it describes a societal hopelessness and yet compels the listener to fight through the despair. It perfectly summarizes the emotion powering Socially Driven Music and I hope helps convey what this written summary is trying to articulate.
https://youtu.be/67pyIglP79U?si=ICl2pDKJgTMwcXTT&t=85
Democracy, #Election2024, #MAGA, #MusicIndustry, #MusicBusiness, #Music, #SocialImpact, #SocialGood, #Biden, #Trump, #Vote2024, #ActBlue, #Veterans, #JohnLennon, #YokoOno

Hi, I have seen defenders of Israel claim that Israel has made unprecedented efforts to protect civilian life in Gaza as the civilian to combatant fatality ratio is 1:1 (highly contested obviously as these are numbers Netanyahu has publicly said recently: 16K civilians, 14K combatants). They claim this ratio is unprecedented and the normal civilian combatant fatality ratio is 9:1. But it seems that 1:1 it is actually a pretty standard civilian to combatant fatality ratio in war and has been for a while:
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/096701068902000108?journalCode=sdia
Here are some examples of the claim:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wgHuYbBcfk
https://twitter.com/SpencerGuard/status/1786612909415473474
https://twitter.com/COLRICHARDKEMP/status/1747693189946106183?lang=en
I feel like there is some level of sophistry going on here as they refer to it as a casualty ratio and casualty does not mean fatality, it means deaths and injuries and can ever refer to other effects of war. In Gaza, 120,000 people have been killed or injured and there's only 30,000 Hamas/Islamic Jihad fighters so technically the ratio is at least a 3:1 if we're referring to a civilian to combatant casualty ratio.
I assume they are referring to the fatality ratio ratio. But is this 9:1 stat credible? They often cite the UN as a source but as far as I can tell they are referencing this study by the UN which claims that 90% of victims of war are civilians:
https://reliefweb.int/report/world/ocha-orientation-handbook-complex-emergencies
This claim in the UN study is based off this paper which also makes the same claim. But victim doesn't even mean casualty in this case and it includes people who are displaced:
https://international-review.icrc.org/sites/default/files/S0020860400060666a.pdf
See quote here where it includes refugees and internally displaced people as victims of war:
"The report goes on to deal at length with the various categories of victims of conflict, basing the analyses on statistics set out in several tables. Special attention is paid to the cases of child-soldiers (an estimated 200,000 children under the age of 15 are reportedly currently used as soldiers), refugees (over 16 million in the world in 1989) and people displaced in their own countries (over two million in Sudan). Giving a real-life dimension by eye-witness accounts and quotations from publications to what might otherwise be dry statistical data, the authors describe the efforts made by the United Nations, particularly the Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees, and the International Red Cross and Red Crescent Movement to provide protection and assistance for these especially vulnerable categories of victims.
Considering that 1.7 million people have been displaced in Gaza, if we are defining victims in the same sense of the original study then civilian to combatant victim ratio would be over 60:1.
Now I understand that this was is different as it is urban warfare and fatalities are likely to be higher. I can't find any statistic from studies claiming that this is the ratio in Urban conflict. All I could find was AAOV data which claims that up to 90% of casualties are civilians when explosives are used in urban warfare:
https://aoav.org.uk/explosiveviolence/
However AOAV applied these statistics to Gaza and found that ratio in Gaza was 10.1 after a X (Twitter) analyst Eli Kowaz claimed it was 0.8 but had miscalcuted the data. Funnily enough, the official Israeli spokesperson also published the 0.8 figure which was the reason why AOAV clarified this was a complete falsehood.
https://aoav.org.uk/2023/x-twitter-analyst-eli-kowazs-grossly-incorrect-interpretation-of-aoav-data-trends-claiming-idf-has-low-gaza-casualty-rate-kowaz-later-deletes-post-but-others-continue-to-spread-the-misinformatio/
So am I missing something? Is there any basis to the claim that 90% of deaths in war are civilians. Does this apply particularly to urban warfare. Because Even in the Syrian Civil War (which I doubt even Assad would claim there were great lengths taken to protect civilian life) had a higher number of combatants killed than civilians killed. Even the Afghanistan War seems to have had over 3 times as many combatant deaths than civilians deaths. I understand these two wars are not directly comparable but what about in Mosul and Raqqa? What was the ratio there?
TLDR: What was the Civilian to Combatant ratio in Mosul and Raqqa and other urban combat zones?

In the realm of nature, nothing quite captures the awe-inspiring force of lightning. Even in our modern-day age, with all our wonders and technologies, witnessing a lightning strike and hearing its thunderous sound can’t help but leave us with a sense of awe and respect for the power of the natural world.
Among the Cherokee, a special kind of respect was paid to lightning. The burnt wood from trees struck by lightning was sought after by shamans. The wood would be buried in soil to ensure a healthy crop and warriors were rubbed with the charred wood for strength, effectively being “charged with bolts of sacred fire”.
To the Cherokee and other groups, lightning was a dramatic display from the spiritual realm, and served as a reminder of the spiritual forces that pervade the natural world and influence human life.
Interestingly, the branching pattern observed in lightning strikes is mirrored across various natural phenomena in our world, with one of the most recognizable patterns being the network of branches in trees.
This striking similarity stems from a shared principle of growth and movement: both the electric charge of lightning and the tree limb navigate from a point of lower potential to one of higher potential, albeit in opposite directions—lightning moves from a high potential charge to a lower one, while a tree limb grows towards a zone with low potential, in this case, a shaded area, towards a zone of greater potential, or sunlight exposure.
This observation highlights a universal pattern of progression; each decision branching out like the limbs of a tree or the forks of a lightning bolt. Perhaps this progression is archetypal, instilled by the Logos as a concept, which is why it is so prevalent. When perceived from a broader perspective, our lives too unfold in a similar branching design, marked by choices and diverging paths that closely resemble the intricate patterns seen in trees and lightning.
This image of a tree and lighting serves to demonstrate that the realm we inhabit is full of metaphors pointing toward higher concepts. Matter is, as the author Walter Russel wrote, “merely the record of ideas and not the ideas themselves”.
Material objects are the shadow of a greater concept which is more nebulous and abstract. The idea reigns supreme, yet its manifestation is physical form. For instance, before we create anything in the physical, it begins first as an idea in the imagination.
Within the imagination, the concept is still nebulous and it has the opportunity to take many forms. It is not yet concrete and “real”. It is still in “potential”.
Once the concept is acted upon, and work is done to bring it into form, then suddenly it has a real-world impact. It is “real”. Yet, at the same time, it’s not real. It’s only the shadow of the concept itself.
This brings up an interesting question: which is superior? The idea or the form based on the idea?
Some would suggest that the point of art, for instance, is to convey concepts. Observing a masterpiece allows us to converse with concepts of a higher order, transcending the physicality of the art piece itself. It matters not what medium the art takes, what matters is the concept that is being conveyed.
This dynamic interplay between the ethereal and the tangible showcases how higher ideas manifest and how these manifestations, in turn, draw us closer to the divine.
As the author and occultist David Goddard writes in his book Tree of Sapphires,
“By the penetrative observations of the Microcosm, you receive intimations of the Macrocosm”.
Perhaps no spiritual tradition encapsulates this concept more distinctly than Qabalah.
Qabalah is a form of Jewish mysticism aimed at understanding the nature of God and the universe. It offers a framework for comprehending the relationships between the Divine, the cosmos, and humanity through a system of ten spheres (Sephiroth) and 22 paths that represent different aspects and levels of consciousness and reality.
The system is visually represented by the Tree of Life, which serves as a map illustrating how the Infinite One, or Ain Sof, interacts with the finite world. Its emanations are called Sephiroth, which are attributes or aspects of the Infinite One.
Holistically, the Tree of Life can be viewed as the process through which the Infinite One differentiates itself into physical reality, metaphorically representing the transition from 0 to 1. It also represents the path back towards unity, from the lower to the higher.
As David Goodard writes,
“It is the lighting flash from Kether at the top of the tree, down to Malkuth that shows the path of involution, or the One Life-Power descending, plane by plane, veiling itself in denser vibratory states.
The sequence of the lighting flash from Malkuth ascending to Kether is the way of evolution, termed the Path of the Return.”
It is the Path of the Return that we will be discussing - starting with the very last sphere on the tree: Malkuth
Malkuth
The Tree of Life is a visual metaphor for how the One differentiates itself into many. One way to study the tree is to see it as a system of triangles made up of various interconnected paths. These paths are described as Activating, Formative and Balancing.
The author Robert Wang in his book The Qabalistic Tarot writes,
“...each of the key triangles on the Tree refers to one part of the Soul: The Supernal Triangle is the Supreme Spiritual Self, the Ethical Triangle is the Higher Self, and the Astral Triangle is the Personality in incarnation.”
In addition, he writes “the core structure of each part of the Self is composed of three aspects, an Activating (Yod-Fire), a Formative (Heh-Water) and an energy which is Balancing (Vau-Air)”
Therefore, each sphere works with the other to form the whole. The only exception is the final sphere, Malkuth. Malkuth contains all three aspects and includes a fourth: “Heh” or “Earth”. Yod Heh Vau Heh, also known as the Tetragrammaton, or the “unprounceable name of God”. Malkuth is the solidified end result of the actions of the Yod Heh and Vau.
You might also liken these forces to the Hegelian dialectic of Thesis, Antithesis, and Synthesis.
The forces can also be thought of states of consciousness.
The Tree of Life is also divided into three Pillars. The left Pillar are considered “active” forces and the spheres on the right side of the Pillar are considered “formative” or “passive” forces. Within the Middle are the equalibrating forces, considered consciousness itself by Qabalaist.
To visualize this better, think of music played from a guitar. The string is the formative, or passive force, the tension and vibration of the string is the active force, yet without the balancing force of the musician, no music could be created. You would just have noise.
We should regonize that there is no true beginning and no true “end”. When one looks at the Tree, both the bottom, Malkuth, and the top, Kether are both the beginning and the end. The top of the Tree contains the sphere known as Ain Soph, which is God prior to any self-manifestation, existing in no-thing, or what Ra refers to “Intelligent Infinity”.
Therefore, as the light moves further from Kether, it gradually gets stepped down into lower and lower vibrations, filtered through the activating, formative and balancing forces of each triangle.
Malkuth is denest realm on the tree, the “final” destination of the light from the One. It is the what we call the physical universe, the world of form.
In the book The Mystical Qabalah, the author and mystic Dion Fortune writes this about Malkuth,
“It is the formative, concreting function of Malkuth which finally renders tangible and definite what was, upon the higher planes, intangible and indefinite, and this is its great service to manifestation and its characteristic power.”
Within Malkuth, the tangible is precise, and the abstract takes a backseat. Forms here acquire a defined outline, in contrast to the superior spheres where the form is fluid and undefined.
Malkuth is the grounding point of the Divine’s will, where the idea finally becomes manifest.
However, the process of grounding this energy requires the use of channels and links.
Dion Fortune also writes,
“The whole problem of Malkuth is a problem of channels and connecting links. The rest of the work is done by the mind on the subtler planes; the real difficulty lies in the transition from the subtle to the dense, for the subtle is so ill-equipped to work on the dense. This transition is effected by means of the magnetism of living things, whether organic or inorganic.”
The physical, being a dense realm, can be difficult to break through without the appropriate channels and magnetism of beings and objects existing in this realm.
Being immersed in matter, it can be easy to think that we are cut off from the Divine. And, while it can be difficult to hear at times, the subtle calling of Spirit is always transmitting information.
As we work on clearing the rocks and thorns that block the heart, it becomes easier to hear the call of Spirit and to form that connection to the higher realms.
The more we form the connection and listen to the higher callings of Spirit, the greater impact Spirit can have in Malkuth.
The conduit for this connection is, of course, you. All of us have the potential to be channels for the Divine. In fact, as wanderers, this is perhaps the main reason for incarnating on this planet.
To act as that grounding point for the Divine. This is the natural role of humanity. To be the embodiment of Spirit in the physical realm of Malkuth.
This is the act of being a co-creator of the Logos.
Recall that each Logos is responsible for setting up the archetypal framework of a particular system. Everything materializing in Malkuth is a direct offspring of these archetypical blueprints.
Take, for example, the form of the galaxy. Our galaxy adopts a "spiral" configuration which one can see throughout the physical universe. This shape happens to resonate deeply with narrative structures, notably the "Hero's Journey"—a seemingly universal storytelling structure that is found in almost all myths told across cultures and time.
It can be argued that the reason this storytelling structure is so universal is because it is archetypal. That is, it is not learned, but rather inherent in all of us, accessible by those sensitive enough to perceive within the Deep Mind.
The narrative arc of the hero's journey unfolds as follows: The protagonist starts with a certain limitation, be it a belief system or another type of restraint. Eventually, the call to adventure beckons, leading them to accept this quest.
This journey propels them through trials and tribulations, adversity, and shadowy depths, facilitating their growth and leading to the acquisition of vital wisdom. After triumphing over these challenges, the hero returns, ready to embark on a new cycle, equipped with newfound insights.
This narrative framework underscores the principle of continual growth. To evolve spiritually, one must journey beyond the familiar, confront their inner darkness, and from this confrontation, arise, reborn. However, like in real life, the process is never-ending.
If one were to conceptualize this structure visually, it would mirror the form of a spiral.
Since the spiral shape is so ubiquitous, and if we understand that the Divine imprints higher concepts into the physical, then it appears that this archetypal story structure could be a universal pattern, at least in our logos.
This raises an interesting thought: galaxies with alternative formations might operate under distinct archetypal systems, a reflection of the endless variety and complexity inherent in the cosmos. Perhaps a hint as to what those archetypal frameworks could be is found it the shape of their galaxies.
How often have we heard of individuals being suddenly "struck" by a bolt of "creative genius"? Numerous tales abound of artists, scientists, writers, and the like who have given birth to magnificent creations, only to profess that the origin of their "unique" ideas felt as though they were not entirely of their own making but were, in essence, "channeled" from an external source.
This phenomenon suggests a connection to a higher reservoir of knowledge and inspiration, indicating that profound concepts are omnipresent, awaiting discovery and expression in our world.
This is part of our role here in Malkuth. To be conduits, grounding points, for higher concepts. To be the builders, where we can, of the archetypal frameworks thought up by the Logos.
This is true co-creation. To be aligned with the Divine, with Nature, allows one to receive, thus enabling them to move beyond the limitations imposed by Malkuth.
Malkuth is the first step on a journey back to the Ain Soph, back to no-thing. It is an essential step in our journey. As Dion Fortune writes,
“The Qabalah teaches that the body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit, and that unless we learn the lessons of Malkuth there can be no lasting progress beyond. The fact is that our first spiritual lessons come from those around us.
And if we cannot function effectively on the material level, learning from the day to day patterns which we have chosen for our incarnation, it is unlikely that we will be able to function effectively on a more refined spiritual plane. The ability to sense the importance of the ordinary is a special form of discrimination.”

Knuckles the Echidna

"I am the last guardian of Angel Island. I will protect the Master Emerald. And I will do it alone if I have to."

To make a very long, complicated, and confusing story short, Knuckles the Echidna is the Guardian of the mythical Master Emerald and protector of the floating Angel Island (interchangeably called the Floating Island). He comes from a long line of Guardians, each serving as Guardian before him. Before his birth, his father, Locke, saw a dream he thought of as prophetic, and prepared his unborn baby with the power to handle his future responsibility...by blasting his egg with Chaos radiation, granting Knuckles his spiked fists and an aptitude for Chaos Energy manipulation.
Knuckles would go through many hardships throughout his life: His father's death, discovering his home then watching its destruction, and his endless fight against Dr. Eggman and the forces of the Dark Legion. Knuckles would even die and be brought back to life. However hard the going gets, though, Knuckles always manages to recover and hit harder. He's not just rougher than the rest of them; he's the best of them.

Section Key: I. Strength II. Speed/Agility III. Durability IV. Chaos Power V. Other VI. Hyper Knuckles VII. Chaos Knuckles Source Key: Knuckles' Chaotix - Chaotix Knuckles the Echidna - KtE# Sonic and Knuckles - S&K Sonic's Friendly Nemesis, Knuckles Miniseries - Nem# Sonic Quest - Quest# Sonic the Hedgehog (1993) - StC# Sonic the Hedgehog Free Comic Book Day - FCD# Sonic the Hedgehog Triple Trouble - Triple Sonic Super Special - Spe# Sonic Universe - SU# Sonic vs. Knuckles - SvK Super Sonic vs. Hyper Knuckles - SSvHK 

Feats are posted in chronological order.

For additional context on some feats, see a map of Angel Island here.

To see his feats during his time as the Enerjak, see here (Respect Thread by theusjshjdhdne)

I. Strength

Striking

• Breaks a fake Chaos Emerald.
• Breaks down a brick wall in one punch.
• Knocks out Fang with one punch.
• Destroys Metal Sonic in one blow when they’re both at a giant size.
• Brawls with Enerjak.
• Punches a hole in a giant machine.
• Brawls with Sonic until they’re both exhausted.
• Rams through a large metal robot.
• Breaks through an indeterminate amount of stone.
• Punches Sonic so hard Sally worries that Knuckles could have knocked Sonic’s head off.
• Shatters a few Egg Grapes.
• Punches Finivetus hard enough for him to bounce.
• Punches a sturdy trap wall hard enough to climb up it.
• Clashes fists against Finitevus hard enough to cause a shockwave.
• Punches the ground enough to crack it and create smoke.

Lifting/Grabbing

• While Perfect Chaos is flooding a city and Knuckles is in this water, he lifts a heavy generator that powers the entire city.
• Restrains an out-of-control Bunnie alongside Mighty and Vector.
• Catches a giant drill and prevents its rotation.
• Holds up rubble alongside Amy to prevent a cave-in.
• Snaps off an arm of the Egg Beater with Vector’s help.
• Grabs Finivetus by his cape and slams him into a wall hard enough to crack it.

Throwing

• Throws a dingo from one room to another to hit another dingo.
• Tosses Sonic above cloud level.
• Throws Thrash through a stone wall.

Other

• Anchors himself with his spikes during a tornado.
• Easily cuts a tree with ease.
• Powers through Thrash’s screams.

II. Speed/Agility

Combat/Evasion

• Evades falling boulders.
• Dodges a lot of traps completely unscathed including machine guns.
• Spins in a cyclone fast enough to throw a biker gang into the distance.
• Dodges a laser.
• Dodges a robot’s mace.
• Keeps up with Sonic going all-out pretty handily, at one point holding him down.
• Dodges multiple close-proximity lasers.
• Dodges Espio’s kunai in very close range.

Movement

• Speeds from near the outside of Angel Island to a distant mountain.
• Swims from the deepest point of the ocean floor to the surface before he loses oxygen, only not succeeding due to outside interference.
• Outruns a blast that quickly engulfs the Floating Island, only being hit when he reaches the end of the island. Out of everyone on the island, Knuckles is the only one able to outrun the blast and even reacts fast enough to throw a Dark Legion member into the blast before he starts actually running.
• Hops over a fence.
• Hops from one floating vehicle to another.

Gliding

• Can glide above the trees even in turbulent winds.
• For some reason his gliding works by using his dreadlocks???
• Okay, that isn't gliding, that's just flying, Knuckles.
• Can glide (fly) high enough to be significantly above Angel Island.

Other

• Swapped emeralds without Sonic and Eggman noticing.
• Able to keep balance on an Extreme Gear while grappling with Storm.

III. Durability

Blunt

• Struck by Sonic going at full speed.
• Bonked by Sonic hitting him with an entire tree.
• Hurt but able to handle being surprise attacked by Espio, Vector, and Mighty in succession.
• Tanks blows from Enerjak whose raw strength is stated to dwarf Knuckles’.
• Shot down by a giant laser.
• Takes a few blows from an alternate (Irish) version of himself.
• Hit by Sonic hard enough to create a hole in Castle Acorn.
• Launched into a wall by Thrash’s scream.
• Blasted repeatedly by Thrash’s screams, visibly no worse for wear.

Energy/Fire/Electricity

• Blasted by Enerjak.
• Gets the inside of his mouth burnt by Archimedes.
• Zapped by Enerjak.
• Hurt but generally fine after being splashed by lava.
• Tanks the edge of a blast that engulfed a large chunk of the Floating Island, still has enough energy to drag himself out of the ocean onto a piece of debris though he falls unconscious for twelve hours.
• Takes some hits from dingo goons armed with electric weapons.

Other

• Harmed but unfazed by getting drained by the energy siphon used on the Master Emerald that allows the Floating Island to stay, well, afloat.
• Seemingly unaffected by the pressure caused from being inside the very bottom of an ocean aside, more so worried about having no oxygen.
• Only worried about the cold while 30,000 meters above the already cloud level floating island.
• Is the first to regain consciousness after a crash.
• Crushed by a mechanical lobster.
• Gets caught in an avalanche, recovers quickly.

IV. Chaos Power

For a period during his conflicts with the Dark Legion, his latent Chaos power increased with time until an explosion would turn his skin green and properly transform him into Chaos Knuckles, losing his powers when he later died and revived. He didn't rekindle his powers until a conflict with Dr. Finivetus reawakened his latent abilities.
Knuckles usually doesn't use these abilities, but can break them out again when necessary.

Offensive

• Dismantles a machine on his neck then blasts Hunter into unconsciousness.
• Clashes with Finivetus hard enough to create a huge sphere of energy on Angel Island.

Non-Offensive

• Passively regenerates from a splash of lava.
• Creates a portal from Mobius’ surface to Angel Island.
• Flies with his eyes closed and “sees” his surroundings with help from the Guiding Star Gem.
• Either doesn’t register on an infrared sensor or genuinely has no body heat.
• Throws a few Chaos Spears.

Energy Generation

• Called a living Chaos Emerald as he projects a message to a fellow Guardian in an entirely different Zone; later corroborated by an examination performed by the Dark Legion.
• Generates enough natural power to overload a power system that winds up blowing up a complex and is implied to radiate enough energy after 15 minutes to be akin to nuclear fallout.

V. Other

• Can tell where Espio is even when he’s invisible.
• Carries a laser gun that destroys a door he cannot with brawn.
• Has the worst family tree.
• Called in by Sally to fight Sonic all-out on his level while Sonic is mind-controlled, Knuckles appearing right after Sonic wipes the floor with both the Freedom Fighters and Chaotix.
• Holds the Guiding Star, an artifact that creates a magical transport back to Angel Island from any place.
• Holds a Warp Ring which allows him to teleport to any location he sets his mind to.
• Resists Finivetus’ hypnotization.

VI. Hyper Knuckles

Also referred to as Super Knuckles, this form occurs when Knuckles absorbs sufficient Chaos Energy from the Chaos Emeralds, the Master Emerald, or a similarly potent source. With the power, he has the ability to take on powerful foes like Super Sonic and Master Mogul.

Strength

• Described as “a thousand times stronger” than usual.
• Tears apart reality fighting Super Sonic, destroying the Zone they fight in.
• Alongside Super Sonic, punches Master Mogul through buildings.
• Breaks the top of a mountain then throws Hunter across Angel Island.

Speed

• Keeps up with Super Sonic.
• Described as moving at “incalculable speeds”.

Durability

• Takes hits from Super Sonic.
• Tanks the Zone-busting clash between himself and Super Sonic but reverts back to normal.
• Completely ignores Chaos energy that was hurting him at base form.

Chaos Power

• Unleashes a surge of power that ends the war between the echidnas and dingoes.

VII. Chaos Knuckles

Due to Knuckles' father microwaving the baby imbuing Knuckles' egg with Chaos radiation, Knuckles' own Chaos energy grew until achieving the god-like Chaos Knuckles form, becoming closer to a living Chaos Emerald than an echidna. During his time as Chaos Knuckles, he was one of the most powerful beings in the multiverse if not the strongest outright, or at least stronger than Turbo Tails and Dimitri as the Enerjak. However, his grasp of his powers was questionable at best and uncontrollable at worst, which would eventually lead to his demise.

Strength

• Bops Tails on the head.
• Beats Turbo Tails unconscious in a short fight.

Speed

• Unleashes a blast of energy before Tails can react, though he wasn’t in control of his actions.
• Keeps up with Turbo Tails.

Durability

• Stands undamaged in an epicenter of an explosion that knocked out multiple people including a Roboticized Mobian.
• Endures being siphoned of his energy until Charmy and Saffron free him.
• Surprise attacked by Turbo Tails.
• Tanks blows from Turbo Tails.
• Makes the scenario of Angel Island crashing and/or blowing up from Chaos energy nonlethal by taking the brunt of it himself; also a Chaos Power feat.
• Undamaged from a shot to the head that would have killed base Knuckles.

Chaos Power

Offensive

• Paralyzes a Roboticized Mobian.
• A shout throws around everybody surrounding him and teleports them to various places across the world.
• Unleashes a “tidal wave” of energy.
• An energy blast goes straight through Angel Island with the debris knocking out Tails.
• An optic laser harms Turbo Tails.
• Shoots down a meteor that would have destroyed the city of Echidnaopolis.
• [Limit] Blows himself up and dies saving Dimitri and destroying Mogul’s Chaos Siphon, ascending to a higher plane of existence in the Chaos Force (temporarily).

Non-Offensive

• Warps through time and space on accident; later does so on purpose.
• Teleports through time and space to Dimitri’s ship which moves at Mach 5.
• Detects the death of two echidna who crashed into the ship he is on.
• Read someone’s mind, though at the time he wasn’t sure how to do so consciously.
• Sends a telepathic message and projection of himself to his father across the Floating Island.
• Stops his heart to play dead.
• Heals somebody from critical condition.

Reality Warping

• Unconsciously warps reality on a fundamental scale, changing reality to different versions of itself: First to one resembling the OVA, then a reality without the Dark Legion, then a reality resembling SatAM, then to a reality where Sally is dead, finally to reality as it once was. Notably, both Sonic and Sally had full awareness of the changes during the changes, and everyone else had full awareness only after the fact.
• [Limit] Can’t stop events that would be inevitable through multiple methods such as Echidnaopolis’ destruction or the failure of Dimitri’s plan in the past.
• Manipulates time on an island-wide level to restore Angel Island to its original state before its inhabitants were teleported to another Zone.
• Creates flowers.
• Ejects himself from the Chaos Force and revives himself, but loses access to his powers.
• In one version of the future, warps the entirety of Mobius to his whim.

Characters Used for Scaling (all pre-Super Genesis Wave):

• Dimitri the Echidna.
• Dr. Finitevus.
• Egg Beater, Respect Thread by Proletlariet.
• Enerjak (as Dimitri), Respect Thread by theusjshjdhdne.
• Espio the Chameleon.
• Metal Sonic.
• Mighty the Armadillo, Respect Thread by theusjshjdhdne.
• Sonic the Hedgehog, Respect Thread by 76SUP and Joshless.
• Thrash the Tasmanian Devil.
• Vector the Crocodile.
• Tails the Fox.

~First~
(Writing, writing, writing: Muse crashes, burns and refuses to respond. Great.)
The Buzz on the Spin
“That’s the third time the call was dropped.” Hoagie states the obvious.
“From what I can tell they’re being hacked like it’s the latest fad. Even if our call goes through clean it’s going to be seen by an audience of several billion at least.” Demon replies. His tiny little girl is sitting on his shoulder so everyone’s watching their language, even Zsebreza. Sure, Kathy was growing quick and was developing a good sense of humour, but not even Minisi wanted to be responsible for teaching her the naughty words.
It takes several more tries with the bridge crew chuckling at things before suddenly the link is accepted to find a thoroughly unamused Asian Man glaring at them. The man then lets out a breath. “Two hundred and eighty six separate calls with the image of a woman presenting herself. I have never been simultaneously flattered and insulted.”
“Spoiled for choice sir?” Demon asks.
There is a moment of a pause as the man’s eyebrow quirks in frustration. “Yes.”
“I’m afraid it’s a common issue the galaxy over sir, we humans are hot commodity. Even a hideous slob of a man would find himself inundated with attention. A competent man with goals, ideals and motivation? A feast before the starving sir.” Hoagie says.
“Clearly Officer Eastman.” He says before relaxing a little. “I am Observer Wu. I have been charged by the nations of Earth with baring impartial witness to what has occurred the galaxy over. I have already spoken to several pockets of humanity, including but not limited to three other space stations, the newly risen nobility of Vucsa and of course, The Dauntless and the Embassy on Centris.”
“So what are you looking for? We’ve sent back numerous eyewitness testimonies and as much in the way of resources and proof of our claims that can survive the damaging effects of Cruel Space. A fair portion of exotic material and cadavers were actually supplied from this very station. What more do you need?”
“I just wish to speak with people. I will be communicating with and travelling to every major locations where humans have touched in the galaxy. To see the truth of things with unclouded eyes.” Observer Wu says and there are some nods. “Now then, if you could describe your location and posting please?”
“Certainly, we’ll do that in reverse though if you don’t mind.”
“I do not.”
“We are posted here to both ensure that we have friendly contacts in an area of interest and to learn more about the galaxy at large. Between ourselves and our fellows posted at other stations we are writing the operations manual for how to maintain, police, administrate, protect and supply a fully functional space station with a substantial permanent population. We’re also recruiting and keeping our eyes out for unusual technologies, tactics and techniques. This station alone contains a permanent population that rivals several first world nations on Earth with an industrial capacity well beyond what those nations can provide.”
“Can it now? This station is self sustaining? Food, air and other such supplies?”
“It turns out that a great deal of air is released by harvesting asteroids. Most of them contain a large amount of ice, even when they’re primarily minerals of some kind. Food is grown in hydroponics on such a scale we outright export it. The mining provides the metals and other materials for further products and again, hydroponics of a different source give us oils which leads to plastics, cloth comes in too. The station is completely self sustaining at this point. If the rest of the galaxy was to vanish then all we need are some rocks and we can keep this place going forever.” Demon explains and Observer Wu nods.
“And have you learned about these techniques and technologies?”
“Yes, however many of them are reliant upon Axiom.”
“And the control of the station?” He asks and Minisi pokes at a few of them with her tentacles to get people to shift away. “And you are... the woman in charge I believe?”
“Indeed. Although not for too much longer. I’ve had my fun but the station has become a tedium. I will admit that your species showing up has broken up the monotony a touch, but only enough to give me enough time to really make sure my heiress has this place on lock and with an unmatched command crew.”
“And you’re fine with them having that level of power?” Observer Wu asks and Minisi has a tentacle point right down at Hoagie.
“This one has been in charge of over ten percent of my station. The most productive Agriculture Decks we have are in his power, both officially and unofficially. The businesswomen there fear the flamingo shirts!”
“Hey, I got flowers on at least half of them.” Hoagie protests and she turns to him.
“Hey hey hey! Station boss or not, no horning on my hubby!” Zsebreza says buzzing into view and pressing back on the woman who leans back in amusement.
“You Charbis are so easy to rile up...” She says fondly as Zsebreza sheathes her weapon while still giving her a massive stinkeye.
“So that video was not an elaborate prank in horrific taste.” Observer Wu notes.
“Reality is stranger than fiction sir.” Hoagie notes.
“Indeed it is, and now that you’ve confused me, I am going to return the favour.” Observer Wu states and Hoagie looks from side to side and everyone else is equally baffled.
“Sir?” Hoagie asks as Observer Wu presses a button on his armrest and requests for a certain passenger to be sent up. “What is this...”
He freezes entirely as the camera shifts and he can see... “Mom?”
“Daniel!” Janet Eastman says with a smile. “And... one of those... things that got you.”
“I told you we needed to edit that video.” Zsebreza says.
“But it would clearly have been faked in some way and...” Hoagie trails off. “I... are you alright? The way out of Cruel Space is no fun.”
“It.. it was not pleasant, but I worked in the kitchens for most of it and it kept me busy.” She says.
“Familiar territory then.”
“A starship mess hall is NOTHING like a Corner Bistro in New York.” Janet says and he chuckles.
“Are you sure you’re alright? I mean... the rail shot into orbit, the initial training...”
“I’m part of the civilian experiment. To see how easy or hard it is to get people out of our little corner of the galaxy.”
“And the verdict Miss Hoagie’s mother?” Minisi asks in an amused tone.
“Something needs to be done about the zero-gravity trip. It’s too much. I’ve needed some chemical help to stay calm during parts of the trip.”
“Yeah, it’s not much better when you’re trained for it.” Hoagie says. “Are you coming here?”
“Of course! Those videos were horrifying! If those girls are walking all over you like that then I don’t care if I’m numbered two hundred to one or two thousand to one! I didn’t work my butt off as a waitress when you were a little boy just to see a bunch of bees walk all over you! So I’m putting you on notice!” She growls out.
“Okay lady, I’m giving you the private number, because I love that attitude. And because we need to get ahead of this before there’s a war kicked off.” Zsebreza promises.
“There is no war that’s going to kick off. Mother, Charbis are a very defensive species and refuse to let people see their relaxed state unless they have absolute trust. No exceptions. That’s why you’ve never seen them in anything less than one of their most agitated states. When not safely in the hive a Charbis is only a few moments away from violence.”
“Is the hive like a beehive?”
“It’s not made of waxy hexagons. It’s a bunker with innumerable defences and very comfortable on the inside. They’re so reinforced and secure that it’s the most defensive part on the station barring the other Hives.”
“Hey, you’re really pushing it...”
“I haven’t said anything secret. I haven’t shown anything secret. Anyone with working eyes can see a Hive is nearly impossible to attack if they want to live, and with how wealthy and good with crops Charbis are in general, any idiot can figure out that they have plenty within the hive.”
“Well... yes, but the idea that anyone has any idea what the hives are like...” Zsebreza says and then Janet’s eyes widen as she realizes exactly what she’s seeing.
“Oh! It’s like THAT! No wonder you haven’t bothered running. It’s not too different from home was it?”
“Tough on the outside, everything you want inside? Pretty much.” Hoagie says and a very relieved Janet lets out a sigh of relief.
“Good. I’m still coming over though.”
“But, what about back home? Aren’t you?”
“Daniel. It’s okay. The old building was... well it was soon to be decommissioned anyway.”
“Oh... and I suppose the little place out back...”
“Gone too.” Janet says.
“I see.” Hoagie says.
“Are you alright?” Zsebreza asks and he nods.
“Yeah it just... the place I grew up is gone. Even if there was a way back to Earth, a true way, then I still couldn’t got home again.”
“Everyone leaves home eventually. Not everyone can go back.” Janet says. “Still. Don’t think you’re keeping me away, just because I’ve gotten an idea about you young lady. I’m coming to make sure you’re treating my little boy right. If this is a woman’s galaxy, then this woman is making sure her boy is with the best in the galaxy. Understand me?!”
“Mom!”
“Daniel.” She says even as he gives one of his fellows a dirty look when they snort. They put their hands up and back away. “So fierce young man. Now...”
•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•×•
He simply watches the video feed as mother and son speak. Trying to get a grip on the body language of the alien creatures. There’s a great deal of play and movement around the Charbis Bee woman, the ears are a massive tell on the Ikiya-Mas girl and the Mnenmi seemed utterly passive, in control. The men seemed either comfortable or excited and things seemed to be matching up.
Of course Mother Eastman was an open book to his practised eye, worried, putting on a brave front but the kind of woman who had given up her life to raise a child properly and was now chasing him out of not only maternal duty, but a sense of emptiness now that her great struggle was finished.
He knew her story. A sad tale of how to people, neither with families, had found each other and then shortly as life seemed to be picking up for the happy ending, an accident had taken the father, leaving a single mother to mourn and raise a child alone. A woman with no really marketable skills beyond being a woman and having a sympathetic story. She had been hired and remained hired at a moderately successful Bistro for over a decade, even being held on because she had a teenage son at home working a part time to help out.
Sad story, but one that had given her and the boy spines of steel. Still, open book regardless and...
His communicator goes off and he checks it. It is a text from an unknown number.
-Enjoying the show? ~Minisi
His eyebrows climb up a little and he reconsiders his thoughts on the octopus alien. She’s clearly very aware of things, and likely has the implants required to communicate without being obvious. Or he’s looking at a body double. Either way, she’s tipped her hand for... some reason. Which is bothering him. Why did she reveal this?
There is no way to determine without further interaction. So he replies with a simple yes.
-Good, a voyeur who doesn’t even enjoy the show is just a bore.
Is she just mocking him? This seems to be more mockery than anything. So he asks a simple question.
-Why does it matter?
-It doesn’t. You’re a prickly one aren’t you?
-Yes, I am. Is there an issue?
-Not at all.
Well that’s not useful. Is she just poking him for entertainment? She still hasn’t moved at all beyond basic shows of amusement as mother and son make plans to get her to the station and the Charbis daughter in law is putting on a clearly fake show of protesting having the woman be brought into the hive.
A hand falls onto his shoulder and he jumps in his seat a little before turning to see a smiling, but old and withered face. “Can I help you?”
“I was just wondering if I could make use of the communication relays next. As entertaining as the last few months were, I do think I should give a proper warning to my approach. If only to see how the boy responds.”
“Do you think he will respond poorly?”
“Only if he’s changed far more than I’d expect. But who knows? The mystery is half the fun of life now, isn’t it?” The elderly man says. Observer Wu considers for a few moments. This man had broken into his personal office without setting off an alarm, without alerting the guards and all the while needing a cane and with his joints audibly creaking.
“If you tell me how you broke in Mister Koga, then I think I can accommodate you.”
“Oh that? Easy enough, follow me lad, I’ll show you where you need a few more eyes. Or lasers! Lasers are always fun. Not as much as a guard dog, but having a poor inu in the vents is just cruel no matter how much you dislike chihuahuas.”
“That was rather specific.”
“I was suppose it was wasn’t it? Anyways, this way young man.”
~First~ Last