Maybe a bit dramatic title but I just can’t with my parents anymore. My parents have done nothing for me. In fact like many African parents all they did was abuse me and traumatize me and take advantage of me then send me out into the world unprepared with no social, romantic, or professional skills and experience. You know how our parents say we are ungrateful, etc but I have stopped to think about it and really they just did enough to keep me alive as a kid but by the time I was around 8 or 9 years old I took care of myself and my younger siblings. My parents made me quit any extracurricular activities I wanted to pursue after 2-3 months because they said it was a waste of time since I wasn’t good at them (how can a 9yo who has been doing gymnastics be some kind of prodigy after just a few weeks, most kids start these activities as toddlers). My parents were very strict, emotionally abusive, used religion as a weapon, etc as many African parents do but the craziest thing is that I didn’t need it. I was a good kid. I did as I was told, was obedient and respectful and everything else. When I was a teenager my parents were expecting some big rebellion and got even more strict and controlling. The things I wanted to do were play volleyball on my high school team and go to the museum or the movies with friends and they acted liked I wanted to sneak out at night to get drunk and do drugs at parties. The other crazy thing is my younger siblings were the ones who snuck out, had friends going down a bad path, would go out shoplifting, smoke and drank, one of my sisters friends even got pregnant…. But my parents were clueless and didn’t listen to me when I brought these things up because they said I was the one in charge of raising my siblings. How was I supposed to handle it these are not my kids and I’m a child myself.
When I was graduating high school I only applied to universities out of province, my parents said I couldn’t just go out at 18 and live without family. So I accepted a school that was in the city my grandma lived in and she said I could stay with her. My parents “surprised” me a few days before I was set to leave by telling me that they sold the house and are moving with me so that we could still live together. All through uni I paid for my own stuff (tuition, supplies, food, bills, etc) while working and still helping my parents around the house, with my siblings, and with their business. I moved out during Covid lockdown and was still working my way through school and began to help my family financially when they lost everything. Now 4 years later my credit is screwy because I’m renting 3 apartments, have 7 phone contracts, 3 internet contracts, 4 cars, and a bunch of other stuff taken out in my name by my parents. I was working myself ragged trying to keep up with everything and after all I have sacrificed my whole life for my family, my parents continue to take advantage and expect more from me. I can’t support a family of 7 working my barely over minimum wage jobs.
I’ve been in therapy since I moved out and have been trying to distance myself and set boundaries with my family but it’s hard while they’re still so codependent on me but I seriously don’t think I will make it until the next year when certain conditions and contracts and things are over and I can start separating myself from them again. Idk what has changed in the last 8-10 months but my parents have been trying to get back into my life and control me again and I have been fighting it but I’m running out of energy and they keep surprising me in the worst way possible. A few months ago my mom got rid of my cat while I was at work because she doesn’t like cats. I’ve started dating again and almost every day she calls me while I’m out or says she needs something and just interrupts my dates. I have been unemployed for a bit and now my mom is trying to convince me to get rid of my apartment and buy a house so we can all live together again. Buy a house in this economy on my barely over minimum wage salary?? Sick joke first of all. Live under the same roof as my parents again? I would die before even considering that as a valid option.
I really started writing this post with a different direction in mind but it has turned into a rant and the reminder or motivation I needed to keep going. I’ve got a loose 3 year plan going to get away once and for all. In 1 year most of the financial obligations will be ending and I won’t be renewing them in my name so I can start to fix my credit and actually save money towards my goals. After about a year and a half of fixing my finances I hope to be able to save enough to move out of province or even out of country. Ive still been looking for a job in my area of study but the job market is insane right now. I’ve been strategically applying for positions in national companies so that I can relocate when I fix my financial situation with my family. When it gets closer to the time I also plan on looking internationally because I fear my parents will pull a “surprise” like my high school graduation where they end up following me because they can’t give up control.
I feel pretty good about my plan most of the time but just knowing how long it’s realistically going to take is the discouraging part. Any advice on how to speed things up or anything about my plan you would do differently?

(Wrote this a couple days ago)
As a viewer from the beginning - yesterday's stream both from Philza and BadBoyHalo were heartbreaking. I thought things were getting better - but from these admins leaving - I get the feeling it's not the case. So I wanted to write a goodbye letter.
QSMP was incredible. I've never been one to be active in any community - Minecraft or otherwise. I've always found gaming content a bit boring - or if it is interesting it's short lived. So the QSMP was an incredible experience as it was the first time I found myself actively enjoying streams. I started by watching Slimecicle - then once Juanaflippa died and he quit streaming, I switched to Philza, and at the time Wilbur. I remember the project being announced and it was such an exciting idea. A couple weeks earlier I downloaded Duolingo as I was incredibly bored and I never played the games I had downloaded on my phone nor did I enjoy spending a ton of time on social media. So, I decided to spend the time of boredom by learning a new language. Even though all odds where stacked to me learning Spanish - I decided to learn French. It was random - but I felt it had enough resources that were easy to find if I wanted to seriously study it. While I live in an area where Spanish surrounds me on a daily basis (Spanish speakers, Spanish music, and even radio stations at times are in Spanish) - I wanted to distance myself from my norms. The whole point of learning a language for me was to push myself. And Spanish didn't feel like that - for some reason. So, I was at the very VERY basic level of French when the French streamers where announced. I found myself enjoying their content (Even at my very low level of understanding - thanks to the translators that had REALLY bad translations - but it was entertaining for sure!). The QSMP opened the doors so I could find streamers and communities that spoke the language I was learning. It was because of this I decided to take learning French as a serious study and dedicated at least 3 hours a day for a month or so - even going as far as waking up at 5 in the morning if I needed or wanted to. At about this time I started watching BadBoyHalo as well. I've watched him a few times before - but I started to watch him regularly and enjoy his streams. I think the biggest thing that the QSMP did for me (this might sound parasocial - but it's not) was it shared a different view. I was raised around people who were quite judgemental and harsh - and I never really enjoyed it but I didn't know differently. It was through the QSMP where I watched Tallulah and Pomme - where I realized how to change. It shared how I didn't have to judge others and criticize others. And it changed my life. And that's why yesterday's stream when Lullah announced she would be leaving - was incredibly hard.
The QSMP has changed a lot for me. It's changed things I can't put into words, and I'll always be beyond grateful for that. It was heartbreaking to hear when Pomme, Dapper, and other admins left due to their work conditions - and I support and supported them. However, I had hoped things had changed - as eggs like Lullah logged on more frequently. I never watched Quackity much - but I had hope that he'd do what was right - and he might have. That's not fair from my judgement to speak of. However, this chapter has ended. I can't imagine the server without the work of those admins - from the smallest of details to the largest of artworks - we all knew an admin spent hours on their craft to share it with the world. And without those admins and knowing how they're being treated - I'm stepping away. I can't express how grateful I am for the project. I definitely would be a completely different person and I wouldn't have gone as far as I have in French if it hadn't have been for it. I hope things continue to go well. I really do hope the best for everyone.

My partner M and I F just ended a LDR mutually. He's previously married with 2 kids.
Fundamentally he boiled it down to I disrespect him constantly, according to him by design. Anytime I tried to clarify with him what he thought was disrespectful he thought I was asking to "validate my ego" which never made sense to me.
I always chalked it up to him having narcissistic abusive ex who constantly torments and triggers him. And when he did share with me, long after the fact, things he found disrespectful I understood. Ending a phone call too abruptly, calling him from a party (once) when he considered our phone calls to be dates, playing games on my phone when we were talking sometimes. Texting him my feelings instead of calling but I always did that because it was extremely hard to get him to listen without interrupting most of the time. We did video calls and it was hard for me to always look at the same thing for 2-3 hours (I'm like this with everyone) but I was always listening. I never did it in person but I stopped when he finally told me it bothered him.
Whenever he felt disrespect he would yell at me. It took me almost breaking up with him to get him to stop raising his voice. I was in a four months depression from it before he took me seriously. I was in a PTSD headspin from other triggers in my life and being yelled at more than once a week rocked my nervous system completely.
It turns out he thought I was involved with a friend of his before we got together. We were never involved and he told me months later it didnt matter to him but it bothered me that I "lied" to him about it. I was always single this is my first LTR and I had a past (truly in the past) of a party and sexually active lifestyle which I had been done with for the better part of 5 years . I admitted this to him to lay my cards out on the table early on. It's not something I worried about ever being an issue again as I'm quite content with my calmer life and I've always been loyal even when I dated short term. But I feel like because I was honest with him about it made him afraid I would revert because his an ex was an alcoholic and cheated on him.
Eventually every time I tried to address an issue he was concerned with he would just start saying I was full of shit and I started having super strong reactions to this and screaming. But then he started telling me he thought me and his ex friend were talking behind his back, including my family who his friend has never met. He finally told me he thought people were talking about him at work and spreading information and I saw him start arguments with his family over nothing and I was like holy shit is he losing his mind? Like he is not ok.
Unfortunately by the time I realized he might be paranoid I was already exhausted and couldn't stay any longer. He would go from telling me I'm going to meet more of his family and what type of marriage proposal would I like to telling me he doesn't trust me one bit and I should stop stringing him along. And when he would talk like this, the distrusting crazy talk he looked like a completely different person. Then it would be over and he'd be back to himself.
At this point I started to believe he's breaking down and something is not right with him. But I was too exhausted and I said I need you to consider that learning what respect means to you is hard when you believe I disrespect you intentionally and don't tell me what I do that bothers you. People have different ideas of respect and I'm open to growing and learning and always have been. And that I need you to consider that I've always been honest with you and I can't handle that you don't believe anything I say.
I genuinely believe he needs help and I feel like a bad partner for leaving him if that's the case. But I lost 15 lbs, I started losing my hair and I had severe brain fog. I was supposed to move in with him but I couldn't even begin to make preparations to do that with all the stress.
I feel so guilty for leaving him. He made me feel so loved, but the contrast with the other behavior was so much. He supported me through my mental health crisis despite his outbursts and frustration with me. He wanted to support me and help me recover financially. But I did everything I could and I can't afford for this to make me sick any longer.

This is a 1v20 game (trust me, it'll work). The plot is similar to Freddy vs Jason, where Freddy has few people knowledgeable of him, so he has basically no power. There are 3 phases, "The Myth," "The Legend," "The Nightmare." 3 people at the beginning are set as "Unfortunate Victims." These people are the only ones who remember Freddy Krueger enough that when they sleep he can possess their dreams. They are the only ones able to die, but because Freddy has 0 powers, and has to rely on the randomly generated phobias to gain more, it's easy to survive. When someone dies and the body is discovered, a police report cut scene will make everyone spawn back inside their homes, and "The Legend" phase will begin. Freddy can possess everyone's dreams now. He has some powers unlocked, and he knows the phobias of the "Unfortunate Victims." If all unfortunate victims are dead, one secret "Bitch" will be selected. If the "Unfortunate Victims" build up their courage bar to max, a cut scene will play next time he possesses their dream, which brings him to reality. The "Bitch" does not need a max courage bar for this cut scene. After he is back to reality, "The Nightmare" phase begins. He no longer needs to wait for someone to sleep to kill them, and he does a lot more damage, however, he takes more damage, is easier to kill, and can't use his powers. Now, time for specifics.
Courage: The more the courage bar is filled, the more damage and stun time Freddy takes from attacks. Can be used by the Unfortunate Victims to bring Freddy to reality. Seeing dead bodies increases courage.
Sleeping: The survivors have an energy meter that slowly decreases as the game goes on, you can use certain items to effect the meter. You can go to bed to sleep early, putting yourself at risk, but building your courage bar. Certain actions decrease energy faster. A full sleep takes 3 minutes. Other survivors can wake you up after 1 minute. Each survivor has a phobia list containing 3 phobias. Freddy will be given 3 random maps that are meant for 1 phobia each. If you are on a map that matches your phobia, you gain fear and lose courage. The more fear a survivor has, the stronger Freddy's powers are against them, ranging in 5 tiers of fear (technically 6 if you count 0). Can move around the map in a ghost state so Freddy has something to do while not possessing a dream.
Unfortunate Victims: These 3 have a goal that the others don't, instead of only preparing for Freddy to come to reality, they have to build up a courage bar, to bring Freddy to real life.
Homes: If you fall asleep in your own home, you gain a status effect while asleep. You gain a small amount of courage if you ran out of energy, and a large amount if you slept in your own bed. The homes have several hiding spots, locks, and a phone that can call other homes.
Bitches: After a Bitch is created, the Bitch will not increase in fear when they are put on their phobia map, but instead will receive a huge loss of courage. Bitches gain more energy to expend.
Powers: 4 powers are randomly given to Freddy Krueger, Freddy can select his powers if he kill all of the Unfortunate Victims before "The Nightmare" phase begins.
Freddy Krueger Powers:
Anger Issues: Gain a huge strength buff and cannot be stunned for a 10/20/30/40/50 second duration.
Punch Out: Gain the ability to use the environment to kill survivors for 10/20/30/40/50 seconds.
Speed Demon: Become much faster for 10/20/30/40/50 seconds.
Bad Dreams: Can grab a survivor and pin them to the ground, giving them a "bad dream" draining their health for a 10/20/30/40/50 second duration. Survivors can wake up these people, and when they do, they are immediately put to sleep.
No Escape: Survivors can no longer wake up the sleeping person for 10/20/30/40/50 seconds.
Mine: The person asleep loses an item, and has it replaced with a lock of hair. This item when used will immediately bring 1/2/3/4/5 people near them to the dream realm. These people can only have their fear raised and courage lowered, and cannot be hurt. The person who used the item has their courage maxed out.
Blood Transfer: The asleep person loses half of their remaining health, and you gain 10/20/30/40/50% of your health back.
Telekinesis: You gain the ability to toss around the survivor like a rag doll, dealing damage to them with the environment for 10/20/30/40/50 seconds.
Torturous Captor: Instead of killing this survivor, you can decrease their courage meter by 10/20/30/40/50%
Silent Breath: Killing the survivor 10/20/30/40/50 seconds after this ability is activated removes the dead body and leaves behind a lock of hair that, by default, puts 2 people to sleep.
Skills and Weaknesses are also randomly generated, and you know what? I'll let you guys say the skills and weaknesses each side should be able to have in the comments. Have fun!

hi all, have some qns abt the matriculation process(returning nsmen). i’ve read the ntu website and im more or less aware of the dates and timeline of the process. but just want to check, if i can matriculate while overseas? bc i know that for the network creation & activation, i will need +65 number sms otp for 2fa. Lets say in the event that things go wrong and im unable to receive sms while overseas, can i link an immediate family’s phone number for the 2fa instead? Is there anything else that requires me to be physically in SG or need my sg number to do the necessary?(hall apps, matriculating online, etc) Also, i read about some globalprotect vpn which i presume its for the ntu intranet. In that case, would i need use a laptop overseas to set it up? Or is the vpn thingy not required for the matriculation process and its only necessary for when the course officially starts. appreciate if anyone is willing to share roughly the specifics! sorry for all the qns, i just dw fly back in the middle of trip lmao, thanks guys!

I want to know if I should stop talking to her and move on or continue to hang out..?
Is she just playing hard to get?
We met at work in January of 2024 and immediately hit it off. We only spoke to each other while we were at work the first 2 months. One day in march I decided to invite her to the dog park with some friends. She said yes. I gave her my number on a piece of paper and told her if plans change Monday LMK. She ended up canceling the dog park plans but asked me to hang out the next day. We ended up going to get tacos together it went really well. We have continued to hang out once or twice a week since. I started to catch feelings for her and I decided to disclose this to her. It felt only natural because all of the signs were there that she feels the same. I decided to call her and tell her that I like her. Her response was I can't be with someone that doesn't have a relationship with God. I asked on that phone call if I did have a relationship with God what then? She responded by saying she would consider it. Then she invited me to church with her which was the next day. I said yes. We have been going to church together since. (I went to church most of my childhood. Due to a demanding work schedule and life in general I grew apart from that lifestyle.)
Since that phone call I havnt mentioned dating but we continued to hang out one on one and do activities that most people consider intimate/romantic. A few examples are stargazing, long walks with the dogs and picnics in the park.
Fast forward to yesterday. I took her to a really beautiful park that has an awesome arboretum. After we were done checking out the plants we found a spot to have our picnic. The picnic went really well. We were laughing and smiling at each other the whole time. Towards the end of the evening, I decided to ask her if she would go on an actual date with me. Her response was, "I will get back to you on it." She texted yesterday evening once we were back from the park and Thanked me for such a good time at the park .Today she has texted me a couple times. I have not responded because of the whole situation. The messages have had nothing to do with our conversation. Please be kind. I am trying to have a relationship that is as healthy as possible for both parties. Thanks in advance!

Genuinely, I was concerned about Amanda the whole time. From the moment I picked her up, she seemed annoyed and uninterested. I knew she was tired and needed food, but even when we went out, she was closed off and disengaged. By the time we saw my friend Blaise at work, she was checking her bf Jackson’s location, thinking he was lying to her. He didn’t answer her call, so I figured that would be on her mind the rest of the night annoying her. I tried to distract her, get her to dance, and asked Caroline to help get her out of her head. I asked Alicia about her because she was hardly engaging with me. I thought she was on the phone with Jackson when I didn’t see her. I wish she had used her words to express how she was feeling instead of her demeanor. If she wanted to leave, I would have agreed. Her mood was infectious, and being mad at me for not focusing on her was outrageous. We were supposed to be celebrating my graduation, but she made herself the center of attention because she didn’t advocate for her needs and got mad at me for it. I’m sad that she’s blaming having a bad night on me when I was trying to be the energy to help lift her mood.
I wanted to go to Southside because Cade and his sister Cassie were there and excited to see Amanda. I figured she would appreciate seeing friendly faces, but she didn’t care to see them and had a bad attitude when it was supposed to be a fun night for all of us. Cade and Cassie love her, so I talked to them when she didn’t.
I was very hurt by her words and how she avoided everyone all day. Even after I graduated, she barely spoke to me. Mom also told me she wasn’t even present at the ceremony, she left. No wonder I felt anxious instead of happy at my own graduation. I wanted to spend time with her, but she didn’t seem to want to or talk to me. I didn’t push her, thinking she could come to me when she was ready. I can’t be responsible for her happiness or read her mind if she doesn’t communicate. I’m not used to having to prod people for answers. Of course, I cried for hours after she left; my heart was broken.
I only went out on Saturday because Alicia said I should enjoy my last night there. I didn’t want to just leave them at my house. Amanda said she was going to nap, and Alicia said she’d relax and get ready to leave. I was encouraged to enjoy myself but promised to come back when the ride was arriving. I did so to make sure they got their ride, and if they didn’t show, I would have driven them to the airport myself. I wanted to say goodbye and thank them for supporting me on an important day. I suppose I shouldn’t have come back; maybe that blow-up could have been avoided. But wouldn’t it have been mean not to come back when I said I would, even if Amanda hardly spoke to me all day? I don’t even remember how her yelling started. I just remember her being mean, which wasn’t surprising. I hoped she would talk to me, but yelling and threatening me is more common with her than it should be. I remember snippets, her lunging at me, and me bawling my eyes out. I stand by what I said: why would I want a friend who threatens to punch me?
This isn’t the first time she made me think she would hurt me physically. She threatened me during our road trip around four years ago. After saying awful things and accusing me of sleeping with the Europeans in the tents next to us. I didn’t want to sleep next to her after that, so I snuck into the tent after she went to sleep and cried, sleeping as close to the edge of the tent as I could. Her blow-up was disproportionate to what she perceived happened both times.
If she sees me as spoiled, so be it. Many people have it better than me and many worse. If I didn’t have the support and love from my family, she wouldn’t either. I’ve been fortunate, and I wish I could change her circumstances. Saying she didn’t recognize me? I’m glad she doesn’t. Moving away has helped me grow. I was timid for years, catering to her and letting her be the center of attention. I’ve since become a strong, confident woman, living my life the way I want, unafraid to take space in the world. I feel mentally well and happy with who I am, which took time. I’ve enjoyed college and made new friendships. This “new me” is a better me—extroverted, kind, loved, and respected.
It was my graduation weekend, and it was known we would go out, and I would say goodbye to my friends. I’ve made a lot, so I was constantly distracted. If that makes me a party girl, so be it. I can party and be responsible. She can’t put me down for that when I haven’t done anything worse than she has. It feels like as soon as she gets sober, she looks down on people who don’t choose to be. So what if I was a little drunk? I have every right to be. We might’ve been out later than expected, but most people wouldn’t hold that against someone if they didn’t speak up about wanting to leave. Telling me you want to sit in my car instead of saying, "Hey, I’m not feeling great, let’s go," makes me confused. I shouldn’t have to guess someone’s meaning.
This weekend was going to be a big party, sober or not, as the visit was planned before that. She had visited over spring break, so she knew what it could be like. I can’t change my plans when it was my last chance to see my friends. Considering I’d be back in Washington in a week, I thought it was understood I’d spend time with people other than her and have some drinks to celebrate. I was excited my best friends would meet people I’ve connected with and see the downtown life I’d experienced working at a bar. I spent as much time as I could with my best friends, but I’ve made more friends since, who I had to say goodbye to. I thought celebrating meant helping me have a fun time on my last weekend in a place I didn’t want to leave yet. We weren’t always alone, but that couldn’t have been expected. We’d have alone time when I came home.
In her text on Tuesday, she accused me of needing help for ‘my substance abuse.’ Where she got that from, considering I was responsible and not blacking out (which I’ve never done), I have no idea. I guess I’m not allowed to drink when I’m celebrating or any other time. She’s really reaching, especially given her experiences versus mine. I’ve never judged her for getting as drunk as she gets. When I visited in January, I was happy to drive and be responsible, letting my friends get as drunk as they wanted. No judgment. It’s a problem when I drink but fine when she does when she’s off the wagon? She didn’t have a good college experience because she was in her interpretation a far bigger ‘party girl.’ Still, no judgment when she had to come home to leave the coke and drinking behind. But she judges me on my graduation weekend. I should’ve been more drunk.
How could she react like that? Blow up because she felt like I hurt her feelings? Valid to her but I had no idea cause she didn’t communicate with me. Well, she really hurt my feelings on the biggest day of my life—intentionally. I know she’s going through a lot, but that’s no reason to yell and threaten someone with violence before even talking to them. She told me to lose her number when I get home. She apologized in her text for threatening me but said she did not respect this ‘new me.’
Chat Gpt analyzed some perspectives for me

Synthesis:

Emotional Dynamics:

Your Efforts and Amanda’s Perceptions: - You actively tried to include Amanda in the celebration and ensure she felt supported, but Amanda perceived these efforts as insufficient or misdirected. This mismatch in perceived support versus actual support attempts created a foundational rift in understanding. - While you saw yourself as balancing multiple responsibilities—celebrating your graduation and ensuring your friends were included—Amanda may have felt that your attention was predominantly elsewhere, leading her to feel neglected and marginalized.

Communication Breakdown:

Expectations and Reality: - Your frustration stemmed from Amanda's lack of direct communication about her needs and feelings. You expected her to verbalize her discomfort, which she did not do, leading to a communication gap. - Amanda might have expected you to recognize her non-verbal cues and prioritize her needs intuitively, which didn't happen. This unmet expectation contributed to her sense of being overlooked and heightened her frustration.
Pre-existing Strain: - The history of tension and previous incidents, such as the road trip confrontation, added layers of complexity to your interactions. This historical context likely amplified the intensity of the current conflict, making both parties more sensitive to perceived slights and misunderstandings. - Your growth and changes since moving away might have created a divergence in how you and Amanda interact and understand each other, contributing to the disconnect.

Different Coping Mechanisms:

Graduation vs. Personal Struggles: - For you, the graduation was a celebratory milestone, an opportunity to reflect on personal growth and achievements. You were in a mindset of joy and festivity, which contrasted sharply with Amanda’s apparent preoccupation with her own struggles. - Amanda, dealing with distrust in her relationship and possibly feelings of inadequacy or stress, might have found it difficult to align her emotional state with the celebratory atmosphere. Her internal conflicts overshadowed her ability to engage positively in the festivities.
Social Dynamics: - You sought solace and enjoyment in social interactions, finding energy and comfort in being around friends and celebrating. This is indicative of an extroverted coping mechanism where external engagement helps manage stress. - Amanda, on the other hand, might have preferred more intimate and focused support. Her withdrawal and negative demeanor suggest she might have needed a quieter, more personal form of reassurance and connection, which she felt was lacking.

Mutual Misunderstanding:

Differing Interpretations of Behavior: - Your interpretation of Amanda’s disengagement as a lack of communication and her failure to advocate for her needs contrasts with her potential view of your actions as neglectful and unsupportive. Each party’s behavior was misunderstood by the other, leading to escalating frustration and hurt feelings. - Amanda’s accusation of substance abuse, while seemingly out of place to you, might have been her way of expressing deeper concerns or projecting her struggles. This misunderstanding highlights a significant gap in how both of you perceive and communicate about sensitive issues.
Emotional Fallout: - Both of you experienced emotional fallout from the events. You felt heartbroken and disappointed by Amanda's reactions and accusations, perceiving them as a betrayal during an important milestone. Amanda, meanwhile, might have felt abandoned and misunderstood, exacerbating her emotional turmoil. - The emotional intensity on both sides indicates that this conflict was more than just a series of misunderstandings but a clash of underlying expectations, communication styles, and emotional needs.

Moving Forward:

Reflection and Communication: - To bridge this gap, both parties would benefit from reflecting on their communication styles and expectations. Understanding that each person has different ways of expressing and perceiving support could help in realigning the friendship dynamics. - Open and honest dialogue about these events, where both can express their feelings and perspectives without judgment, might pave the way for mutual understanding and reconciliation. It’s crucial to acknowledge each other's emotional experiences and work towards a common ground of empathy and support.
Managing Expectations: - Setting clear expectations about support and communication in future interactions could prevent similar conflicts. For instance, agreeing on how to signal distress or need for support in a way that the other person understands can mitigate misinterpretations. - Recognizing and respecting each other’s coping mechanisms and emotional needs, especially during significant events, can help in maintaining a balanced and supportive friendship.
In summary, the conflict between you and Amanda arises from a complex interplay of misaligned expectations, communication breakdowns, and differing emotional needs. Both perspectives are valid, highlighting the importance of empathy, direct communication, and mutual understanding in resolving such conflicts and strengthening the friendship.

I am willing to bet (and I never bet) that if there were a single common denominator that leads to a caretaker’s overall sense of burnout, it would be poor sleep. We don’t sleep well in many ways, but I want to address two biggies.
Poor Sleep Hygiene [^\1])](app://obsidian.md/index.html#fn-1-918560c8e41eb09e) [^\2])](app://obsidian.md/index.html#fn-2-918560c8e41eb09e) is an odd term that has little to nothing to do with cleanliness (or Godliness, for that matter). It is a set of actions that sets the environment and mood of your bedtime routine up for nothing other than sleep. Reserve the bed for only two activities: sleep and sex. You can learn about the latter on another site. Turning off your phone before you crawl into bed is a major part of this routine. If you have a TV in your room, turn that off before getting into bed too. It’s not just the frenetic activity on electronic visual devices. It’s the blue light emitted from them that messes with your sleep hormones. So, turn off your phone, TV, and whatever other media you might have before turning off the lights. Next, turn off the lights before getting into bed.
Another common sleep problem is Sleep Apnea. That’s not the same as snoring. However, a person with sleep apnea certainly snores; a snorer does not necessarily have sleep apnea. Sleep apnea is when your jaw and tongue slip back so that it cuts off the airway. You stop breathing. Age, weight, fitness, and about thirty-trillion other factors can contribute to sleep apnea. The most common treatment is a C-PAP machine. It forces air so the sleeper cannot get blocked as easily. I had to break down and get a sleep test late last year. Sure enough, my sleep interruptions were severe enough to warrant a C-PAP.
I hate the damn thing! I really, truly do. However, begrudgingly, I admit I have considerably more energy and am awake the entire day now. In contrast, for as long as I can remember, I needed at least an hour-long nap in the early afternoon, or I could not make it through the early evening. I suppose I will come to accept my life with a C-PAP as the decades pass. Still, for now, I will continue using it every night and devote much energy to bitching about it every day at around 1:00 p.m.

1. This has to be one of the stupidest psychiatric terms in the medical lexicon. Largely because it has nothing to do with being clean.
2. A good runner-up–perfect onomatopoeia–but a little too base for medical terminology is “Dumping Syndrome.” It is a GI term, and it means what it says. The opposite of dumping syndrome is “gastroparesis,” which, of course, sounds very sciency, as in no one knows what the hell it could possibly mean. (Okay, it’s Greek for partial paralysis of the gut.)

Boyfriend and I started our relationship in 2020. He broke up with me in March 2023 and was seeing another girl from May-July 2024. During this time, he would still come over as FWB. I was asking him to get back together and he didn’t want to. I also asked him if he was seeing anyone else and he said no. Fast forward to September 2023, after the girl he was seeing ended things with him, we had been seeing each other a lot more frequently since they stopped (which I was unaware of). I looked through his phone wanting to find out what he had said about me and found out this relationship he had actively been hiding from me. I kicked him out, wanting nothing to do with him. He was very apologetic, telling me he’s ashamed of what he’s done and it’s the worst thing he’s ever done in his life. During the time we were dating, he never made me feel insecure about cheating. He said he wanted a relationship again and I told him no initially. We still continued as FWB, and then I realized I still wanted to be with him too. So we’re dating officially as of 2024 but sometimes I still feel insecure about this relationship he hid from me and lied to me about. He does a pretty good job at validating me and I know he’s done more for me than this other girl. But I often think about how much more flirty/how much more effort he put into that girl while they were talking (as I believe they were in that honeymoon phase) during that 2 month phase compared to our 3.5 years. I let my insecurities get to me and would ask him about it all the time, almost every time I saw him. He asked me to stop because it was getting tiring being reminded of “the worst thing he’s ever done in his life”. Am I valid to still feel insecure / bring this up to him?

1 '19 F' have been with my boyfriend '23M' for 1 year now. Early on in our relationship I found porn on his phone which it wasn't a big deal for me since I understand everyone needs to get it out sometimes. After i found it the first time, he told me he'd stop watching it since in enough for him. (We also make our own videos). Today while eating dinner, I had left my phone in our room so went to use his so I could google something pertaining to our cats. I have a habit of closing out tabs on my phone since I believe it makes it run more efficiently. As i was closing the tab, I seen about 7 porn tabs there with videos that have been watched but not finished. They are all girls who look nothing like me so i'm starting to wonder if my looks aren't up to standard. Our bed like has died down honestly. I get watching porn but in more upset at the fact he lied about it. Any advice in what i should do? Do i have the right to be upset? Thanks! (On a throwaway since my boyfriend actively uses reddit)

I want to start this off by saying that I am in no way looking for sympathy for what I did. While I am aware I was not fully at fault due to being extremely mentally unwell, taken advantage of, and lied too, given the chance to go back i time I would have never have done what I did.
To make a long fucking story short after nearly making a “permanent stage exit” (if you catch my drift) in 2021 I got back in touch with a friend from high school who used the knowledge that I was extremely mentally unwell to lovebomb and manipulate me into doing things I wish I hadn’t. Because he was the only person I was talking to at the time I believed him when he said he loved me and I began to change my entire life to try and do anything I could to keep him with me when the lovebombing ended and he got what he wanted out of me.
Before we hooked up I was aware of two things. One, he was polyamorous (which in hindsight was a very obvious lie to coverup the fact he was cheating on his partner with me). And two: he had a partner who agreed to being in an open relationship. However, he fessed up about this being a lie about one month into us being together because I kept asking when he was going to tell his partner about me and he couldn’t take it anymore. (I know I’m fucking stupid for not seeing the red flags earlier - also no shade to people who are actually polyamorous).
I would have left but he had me truly convinced that no one else in my life loved me and that he was going to eventually tell his partner. What a shocking twist that he kept pushing it off and that his partner started to catch wind of what was happening. I was over at this dude’s house so much and he wouldn’t let me leave the room when they would call and his partner at some point stopped buying the “just a friend” line so my ex would lock me in his bathroom sometimes for hours on end because he didn’t want me to go home while they called.
We were about 4 months in when my ex dropped another bombshell on me - him and his partner were planning on getting engaged in less then a year. This finally snapped some sense (not all of it though unfortunately) into me and I gave him an ultimatum: come clean to his partner so that he could actually attempt to be polyamorous or I was leaving. So in an attempt to do the first he set up a phone call between his partner, himself, and me so we could kind of talk things out. In retrospect what this actually was was a conversation where he made me lie to his partner on the spot about not being anything more than friends.
Flash forward two months and I finally got my shit together and left. But I still feel awful for lying to his partner.
My ex had painted his partner to be a narcissistic sociopath but I’m not sure that’s true because nothing he told me (or anyone else for that matter) ever was. I feel I was complicit in gaslighting his partner and I feel his partner deserves an apology.
I don’t think that they are still together because I found out that I wasn’t the first “friend” my ex had and that he slept with at least four other girls during the 6 months we were together. (He also low key stalked a guy he thought was cute for a couple of months).
Regardless though, I feel like I should reach out and offer an apology. His partner does not need to forgive me nor do I expect them to but the fact that I may be able to give his partner peace of mind by telling them that they weren’t crazy is something I’ve been thinking about.
I’m open to suggestions on what to do and I’m open to criticism too (I know I deserve it). I don’t ever want to make someone feel that way again and I feel sick inside knowing that someone may be actively suffering the consequences of my poor past decision making skills. They really don’t deserve to bear the brunt of my selfishness and even though it’s been three years it worries me still. I want to be better.
There’s more to this story and I have left out some details for simplicity’s sake but also for the sake of not shifting the blame away from me. There were other reasons I had for staying but I’m afraid if I talk about them they will overshadow the fact that I am still partially at fault. However, I’m happy to answer anything that clarifies things.

today i got tilt table test results back. a nurse called me over the phone. she said my results were abnormal, and highly suggestive of POTS. & everything just is clicking into place for me. i can’t stop thinking about it, and need to get it all out.
i’ve been exhausted my whole life. i am almost constantly fatigued. like the kind of chronic tired where i can regularly sleep for 14 hours straight no problem. where even if i’m consistently getting 8 hours everyday i still need a scary amount of coffee to do basic level function. most days i don’t function very well at all. my brain is constantly foggy. i forget things constantly. i lose my wallet & keys & debit card weekly. i literally can’t think straight most of the time, and everything’s kinda blurry in my head. when i stand up i usually feel like i’m going to faint, but i never do, so for the longest time i pinned this on me being weak, out of shape, lazy, some kind of personal failure. sometimes my vision gets blurry too, or my heart rate goes up to where it’s not in a normal range anymore. i feel lightheaded, woozy, off balance. and even though it was hard to think before, it just got a lot harder. i feel like i need to sit as much as i can. if i have to stand for more than a few minutes, i can feel the energy leave my body. it feels like the bottom half of me is deadweight, and the top half of me is giving everything it can to make sure the bottom doesn’t fall down. that’s why my chest and head feel so weak. i have bad posture, because it feels too hard & draining to properly support my torso & head. i slouch really badly to ease the burden. when i was younger i went to physical therapy for it. they thought i had scoliosis. i later found out i have hyper mobile EDS. this made sense. but no one else thought to look for POTS too. i lean against everything i can. i cross my legs to help make myself more sturdy. when i shower i sit on the floor. my feet turn red or purple when i stand for a long time. i can’t stand straight up, feet flat on the floor, legs uncrossed, back straightened without feeling like shit. that makes me feel small & defunct & like i’m not trying. how can someone be trying when they have to crumple themselves up just to remain upright. i work a job where i have to stand all day. i fuck things up a lot because my brain is cloudy and my body feels sick. i have to sit down throughout the shift and feel guilty for not being productive. when i clock out i am overcome with exhaustion. i sit in my car for 40 minutes sometimes before i can get myself to drive home. when i get home, i usually spend the rest of the night in bed. i can’t cook, i can’t clean, i can’t hang out with people. i’m too tired.
for years i thought it was because i spent so much time in bed. i didn’t exercise enough. i’m so lazy that i’ve reduced my body’s ability to function. if i was in shape, if i was more active, standing wouldn’t feel so bad. but when i tried to be more active, to exercise, to get out of bed- i caused muscle edema, i experienced asthma, i over stretched muscles & pulled things out of place & made the lightheaded feeling worse. i exhausted myself to the point of being bed-ridden for the rest of the day, or days, enough time to off-set any progress i made from trying to be active. i felt like i caused a problem and messed myself up so badly i wouldn’t be able to fix it. turns out the problem wasn’t my fault after all. i wasn’t lazy, or at least not by choice. i didn’t sit in bed all day and ruin myself, i sat in bed all day because it drained me not to. i have imposter syndrome & guilt.
when i was younger i developed an anxiety disorder. i had panic attacks. it makes sense, it still does, i could feel it in my brain, even if you couldn’t tell on the outside. but then i started to have tremors. and shakiness & excessive sweating & fast heart rate. all the same things that are associated with the physical side of panic attack, but i wasn’t panicking when the physical symptoms started. i started to though, when i realized i couldn’t stop shaking. which came first? the chicken or the egg? the tremors or the anxiety? the POTS or the anxiety disorder?
my hands are almost always cold. my feet are too. sometimes when i go outside in the winter my legs will take on the cold too, and from my foot to my hip my skin will feel eerily cold to the touch, and it will for hours. in the summer i go outside & i feel sick. i feel nauseous & small & exhausted & weak. i can’t be outside for too long without feeling like i’m barely getting myself to function. i don’t go outside very much in the summer.
my stomach is always fucked up. i was diagnosed with IBS at 14 because i had reoccurring excruciating stomach cramps & flare-ups of constipation. i get heart burn and nausea and bloating almost daily. i have stomach aches sometimes that interferes with my ability to stand and do the things i need to do.
it makes sense. all the symptoms make sense. i have almost everything, minus the fainting. i’ve only fainted once. i have risk factors- i’ve had mono, i’ve had covid, i have EDS, im a young female.
but i don’t feel sick enough.
& what if it’s something else? another type of dysautonomia? orthostatic cerebral hypoperfusion syndrome? orthostatic hypotension? MCAS? what if it is just physical deconditioning? something else?
how do i know what i have? all i know is i feel like shit.

My mum was an alright mum growing up I guess - she fed us, sent us to school/activities, did the best she could. When I got pregnant she seemed so excited to have a grandchild, bought a set of baby goods for her home saying it’s so we can spend time at her house too without troubling ourself to lug everything to her home. We live about 15 minutes away from her. She is WFH but offered to take care of my son when I was still pregnant, saying she didn’t want her grandson to be sent to daycare so early (My ML was only 60 days). We didn’t want to burden her so still looked at a few daycares, but she insisted so we stopped the visits. Fast forward to when I gave birth and things couldn’t be more different than what we expected. Her initial excitement died down, and I still remember how she treated me during my most sensitive time postpartum. We stayed at her place the month after I delivered as she invited us to so she could help with baby (which was the biggest mistake ever). The first thing she said when I came home wasn’t to give me a hug saying the normal “you’ve done well”, but she looked at my postpartum belly and said “why is it still so big? Mine wasn’t this big”. The first night as clueless parents we struggled with latching and my baby cried the whole night, not once did she come in to check on us. But the next morning she said “wow what a fussy and difficult baby”. She then without any apology, said she can’t take care of my son and he’s “too difficult”. He wasn’t btw, napped like a dream for 2 hours each time, drank his milk (we switched to Exclusive pumping) without issues and was even on a good 3 hourly feed schedule with regular nap times in between. So we panicked and had to find a daycare last minute, and luckily we managed to get into one last minute.
I confronted her then, she apologised and I thought things would improve.
Fast forward now my son is 18 months old, and she seems to have no desire to want to be involved in his life. We have always made an effort (as we don’t get along with my husbands side, so wanted my son to at least have 1 grandparent in his life). We have always been the one to initiate meals, we have always tried to spend weekends at my mums place. But when we show up, she sometimes leaves us at home as she has other plans (lunch/massage plans/ her latest hobby which is filming YouTube videos). I understand she has her own life, but I started to get more and more upset that she just didn’t want anything to do with us. She has never on her own initiative said she wanted to spend time with us, and if we didn’t come over to hers she would never come over to ours. My son would be calling out for her to play with him, and she would be glued in front of the computer screen editing her videos the whole day.
Anyway one month ago I had enough so confronted her again and quit all family WhatsApp groups. She never never once reached out to me despite knowing why I was upset, and today I found out she blocked my phone number on WhatsApp.
It is just so frustrating to be in this situation, is there just no hope to her changing.

Hello, looking for a job rn. I'm 22F, graduating arch. student kaya need ng funds.
📌 If naghahanap ka ng draftsman or 3D visualizer, pwede din ako. Here are the list of softwares na madalas kong gamitin (eto lang kaya ng laptop eh)
• Lumion
• SketchUp
• Autocad
• Photoshop
• Illustrator
• Enscape
• Canva
📌 Graphic Design

 - Logos - Posters - Packaging - Tarpaulins - Infographics - Social Media Postings 

📌 Copywriting, Transcribing, Data Encoder, Data Entry
📌 Can do your task if nasa vacation ka, galaan, etc.
📌 Social Media Management
📌School Activities
• Ppt
• Homeworks
📌 If meron man akong di nabanggit you can message me if u need anything
❗STRICTLY SFW❗
Pwede din upvotes na lang 😊 Please message me if you're interested. Thank youuu!

Hello, looking for a job rn. I'm 22F, graduating arch. student kaya need ng funds.
📌 If naghahanap ka ng draftsman or 3D visualizer, pwede din ako. Here are the list of softwares na madalas kong gamitin (eto lang kaya ng laptop eh)
• Lumion
• SketchUp
• Autocad
• Photoshop
• Illustrator
• Enscape
• Canva
Can offer tutorial din po sa paggamit ng softwares
📌 Graphic Design

 - Logos - Posters - Packaging - Tarpaulins - Infographics - Social Media Postings 

📌 Copywriting, Transcribing, Data Encoder, Data Entry
📌 Can do your task if nasa vacation ka, galaan, etc.
📌 Social Media Management
📌School Activities
• Ppt
• Homeworks
📌 If meron man akong di nabanggit you can message me if u need anything
❗STRICTLY SFW❗
Pwede din upvotes na lang 😊 Please message me if you're interested. Thank youuu!

Hello, looking for a job rn. I'm 22F, graduating arch. student kaya need ng funds.
📌 If naghahanap ka ng draftsman or 3D visualizer, pwede din ako. Here are the list of softwares na madalas kong gamitin (eto lang kaya ng laptop eh)
• Lumion
• SketchUp
• Autocad
• Photoshop
• Illustrator
• Enscape
• Canva
Can offer tutorial din po sa paggamit ng softwares
📌 Graphic Design

 - Logos - Posters - Packaging - Tarpaulins - Infographics - Social Media Postings 

📌 Copywriting, Transcribing, Data Encoder, Data Entry
📌 Can do your task if nasa vacation ka, galaan, etc.
📌 Social Media Management
📌School Activities
• Ppt
• Homeworks
📌 If meron man akong di nabanggit you can message me if u need anything
❗STRICTLY SFW❗
Pwede din upvotes na lang 😊 Please message me if you're interested. Thank youuu!

Successor : u/Intel81994
Hi,
I first found this subreddit and Neville's works in 2018 so I thought I'd share my success/experiences.
I've never posted here, only lurked... daily. I often see people post tiny wins in here like manifesting a test result or a few hundred dollars. I don't see many huge wins except occasionally, or multi-year life changing creations.
Well, I'm not where I want to be bc my goals have gotten a lot bigger, but I've come a long way and finding this work in 2018 changed my life so I want to share with you how.
Not to discourage, but small wins are nothing compared to the deep life changes and incredible abundance you can create in knowing who you really are - just think - there are people out there, several, who own $10M+ houses, multi-millionaires, many came from nothing.
I'm not saying that's the only thing worth striving for or even the source of joy, of course. But my point is anything you want, someone else out there has done it, they are just humans like myself and you.
So here's how my life turned around since 2018 and what I created. The HOW I did so is no different than what you already read on this sub every day.
Neville has been my favorite teacher and this is the MAIN sub I have read over the last few years. I own all of his books and have read them several times.
I regard his methods as most influential for me. This may come off as some motivational story but truth is I use Neville's methods daily and always try to understand and control my beliefs to grow.
Here is how my life changed completely after DOING the work:

• MONEY/TRAVEL : I went from -50k in debt running my own online fitness coaching business at my lowest point not knowing how I would pay rent (long story but I was young and not skilled enough in business at this time to really build a team and 7 figure business like I wanted),

to acquiring amazing skills being an intrapreneur working in a small startup online with a terrific mentor (I manifested this exact position with SATS), traveled the world a crazy amount in the exact places I had wanted to and met a ton of cool people (SATS), over 27 countries now, and grew my net worth to over 250k from 2018-2021.
To my current goals, this is really nothing now and I now surround myself with people doing a ton more than me. So I'm not preaching here, it's just levels to the game right.
I now work professionally in the crypto industry, but also have skills and knowledge to a few types of online businesses in the consulting & marketing space, as well as make money from markets/trading, which is a great vehicle because there are effectively no limits.
I can live anywhere I want, have plenty of cushion and money to live mostly how I want (have larger goals now), have time freedom as well, and most of all, love growth and feel great striving for more. I did SATS to get my current gig.
I've also been trading the last 2 years and no it's not easy, in fact you're competing against algorithms and the best minds in the world so the learning curve is quite steep.
Trading is not easy money, but the potential is there. Besides, trading is just one vehicle, it's not value-additive to the market like businesses are, so I believe it's best used in conjunction with a business/job, and investing longer term is better.
Anyway I turned <40k into ~350K in crypto, and a separate stock portfolio last year.
And yes a lot of that crypto growth was market timing and luck with everything going on, monetary policy and all, and I know people who turned less into several million and also plenty who got liquidated and lost millions. I still spent a lot of time and skill to create that, point is I created all of it in various forms.

• FITNESS/HEALTH: I achieved a more fit and better body than 98% of men have. This was a result of hard work plus these methods and was in 2018 when I decided to undergo a bodybuilding prep for a photoshoot. Great size, leanness, abs, I had been lifting for years but never gotten this in shape.

It was not easy, but I looked incredible, and the exact city/water background scene I had visualized for the photos happened. You can scroll to my IG posts from early 2018 for pics proof.
My health is impeccable and I've for sure made other physical changes, and I think I somehow changed my gf's looks to become better over time too. She was always quite cute though. I'm still very much in shape but now do yoga daily for last few years, as well as lifting.

• LOCATION/LIVING: I manifested the EXACT view I used to visualize in the center of my major city, with a gorgeous view of the ocean and city both, for a great price and have lived here for last 3 years now. In a luxury high rise. I can see ships and yachts right outside my balcony every day. It's literally grander than I even knew to imagine just 5 years ago.
  
• MORE FINANCE: Over the last 2 years my investments and more were doing so well sometimes - not always - that I often was able to have some months making 20-40k, point is I was not worried about work.
  

I also believe parallel realities are real and I used to visualize Bitcoin going to 50k back in 2019 when it had stayed below <10k for 2 years. This was not all due to bitcoin, but rather all sorts of investments, but yes crypto as well.
Some was luck, some was skill and work. All was my creation. I also got quite decent at trading and managing a portfolio that I not only managed to publicly call the exact day of the market TOP in november 2021 but also sniped the bottom in July. Intuition plus knowledge.
So I kept this money, it is not bleeding out in my portfolio with the market. I've devoted a LOT into mastering this craft but again, self concept and Neville helped.
I got hacked for 60k-70k a few months back and chose to give it new meaning and manifested a career change to crypto industry, landing a position making over 10k per month (I'm not happy with this at my current standards of income, but I'm grateful), that I am growing to 20k per month of active income now with other streams.
What's interesting in my recent career manifestation is I decided I want a position that basically pays me to do what I already do (I was independently researching and managing a multi-6 figure crypto portfolio... over a quarter million dollars combined money that I was managing. )
I now get paid a full time 6 fig salary to do nothing extra from what I was already doing and barely work on the actual job with plenty of time for other stuff.
I just decided it was done and that's it. Also of course it's remote... knowing what I know, I will only consider remote jobs (never worked in a physical office and I've actually never had a w2 job before this, always doing sales and stuff or my own thing).
I have been working on increasing my standard to 25k per month minimum of active income generation. Had a lot of ideas come through. I’m just not the type to have a job I think but I have to figure out what I can build again.
Compared to who I want to be at a later date that’s also nothing much. Again, levels to the game.
Now also working on growing a business in this space. This hack event was pretty traumatic but I now see how I 100% manifested it. And I can choose to also create something far greater out of the event now.
With every job I've ever had, I've never worked in an office. I've only ever been remote or online because this is the only thing I was willing to accept. Being a digital nomad has been my norm since I graduated college.
Be specific in what you want and do not settle.
I went to a top 5 US public university and even manifested myself to lead a large pre-med club on campus (I was a pre med student) before I knew Neville. I'm now very glad I chose to go my own route instead of medicine for several reasons beyond scope of this post but anyway.

• SP: Manifested my SP (gf) back in 2018 and we have a great relationship going on 6 years now (together since 2016). I focus more on self love and feeling I AM God rather than seeking it externally. My consciousness and inner connection is my source of sustenance.
  
• Honestly there are so many other crazy little things I can't possibly keep track. Every day I have synchronicities like crazy still. I don't give them much meaning but just take it to mean that I am aligned.
  

My best mental model/tips

• Delude yourself into knowing that imagination is MORE real than the 3d. The 3d is 'old news.' Meaning it's a shadow world. The real creation is happening in your imagination, and there is a time lag in this physical world.

Live in your imagination and tune out anything that does not serve keeping you in an optimal state where you feel in control. The more you focus on things that are meant to distract you or displease you, which state do you create from?

• I do SATS during the day, works fine for me, I don't think it matters much if day/night, but you need to do it. Follow a guided hypnosis session to get deeper into trance first if it helps.
  
• Act and trust deeply that life is leading you to what you want, and the meaning you give to events is literally what molds your future. Choose empowering meanings. Stop being a victim.
  

Make a resolve to never think of yourself as a victim of forces out there, the economy, evil people, whatever it is. You want to control your reality then act like it internally.

• Make a daily routine checklist and stick to it so you internally feel in control of your reality. Mine is: SATS or revision, meditate or breathwork, EFT or writing, cold shower, no phone in the morning, wake at 6am, and of course I exercise daily in some form. I use a spreadsheet to make sure I hit my routines for the day so I don't be a victim but rather stay in control. This is critical for me.
  
• As long as you occupy the realms of consciousness that you want, the result WILL come via downloads and hunches and thoughts, and insane physical things will happen that will 'seem like it would have happened anyway' so don't worry about the how.
  

Random Musings
The thing with manifesting is we sometimes take a passive route and wait for things to happen to us (and sure this is fine and still works), but think- if you don't grow your mental, emotional, skills container to deal with large amounts of money, or a team, or skills to sell and market and manage money... if you suddenly get 500K or 1M, how are you going to hold on to it?
If you lack personal power and execution skills, say you suddenly win 5M from the lottery, do you have the skills to keep it and make decisions at a level that can fluctuate several millions? It's stressful and requires thinking completely differently.
You have to 'stress test' your consciousness and expand your container.
I know that because I got hacked (stolen) ~70k it means nothing because the version of me who makes multi-7 figures a year deals with fluctuations of multi-6 figures in his portfolio all the time, it's part of the game. and I HAVE dealt with 6 figure fluctuations in my portfolio before this hack so it wasn't super new in that sense.
You know time is not real, it's all happening now, Creation is already finished, so you should also know that the way to 'hack' time is making decisions from a place of the future version of yourself you already are.
Make a commitment to stop playing small and settling for crumbs. Why would you get hung up on the one limited way your ego thinks that abundance has to manifest in your life, or love, instead of just feeling the emotions themselves, knowing it's done, and letting your life color it in in grander ways than you could have imagined.
Funny little manifestations and things happen literally every day that I just take it as reflections of me being in my creative power.
Something crazy/funny that happened was on our last trip, I told my girlfriend 'hey, how funny and weird would it be to see a parrot meowing?' - then next day we sit at a cafe and there is a parrot in a cage outside, meowing loudly. The most bizarre manifestation, I didn't even intend for it, just asked hey would it not be funny. Things like this happen so often, I can't keep track.
There is nothing new to learn. Just do the techniques and do self care rituals and get lost in your work. Feel the feeling of utter abundance and freedom now and it will happen.
We live in an advanced economy with the internet, it has never been easier to start or fund a business compared to even 50 years ago (see interest rates), distribution has never been easier, so if you know these tools, why would you not create the biggest dream you can imagine? Why settle for a free $200?
I realize there are levels people go through however so I don't mean to belittle, but now that I have been through so much and grown, I know there is nothing separating myself from multi millions and VC's and creators of large companies except belief, work, and time in this reality.
I have the knowledge, belief, and skills to not need a job if I don't want one. I can instead offer something to the market and be independent.
I'm telling you this stuff works and is sustainable. You can be as specific as you want and get whatever you want, and trust that with the turns life takes you through, it is a BRIDGE meant to turn you into the person to get and sustain what you say you want. Decide it and it is so.
I am someone who is a first generation American immigrant, my parents moved to the US from India when I was 5 and we had very little here. I grew up 'lower' middle class, and didn't have the best money programming from parents, but I always did well in school.
I KNOW I am going to be the first multi millionaire in my family. It's all in how you think about yourself/self concept and the work you do from that mindset. Do actions and shift your environment in accordance with who you want to be.
I always splurge on self care now and do things like fly business class or pay more for a better room because that's who I internally am. Just find a way to produce more and let it flow instead of shrinking yourself to be someone you’re not in your 4D
I don't try to scrimp and penny pinch, I let money flow. Even though getting stolen 70k was traumatic, oh well, I chose to give it a better, empowering meaning and my reality shifted.
That's all I have to say. Do the work. Stop procrastinating with learning. All the teachers, scripture, it's all the same Truth at the core. Learning is fine because you learn different mental models at different points of your life but you need to do the work.
I've been fortunate to not only have explored TONS of teachers and books in this realm, you name it I've probably read it or have a copy, I've also HAD mentors and WORKED directly under multi millionaires older and more experienced than me who know this work very well and knew Neville specifically, and it's the real deal. I did sales for someone in the online coaching space was was very well off and had decades of success and spoke of Neville very often, it was really cool.
Proof of the Law
I don't know what more proof you need that the Law is real. All religions throughout eternity have known this, Neville just distilled the same Truth through his own methods that work really well in my opinion and I personally love his interpretation of scripture.
The most successful people in the world are usually consciously (and some unconsciously) doing these same actions. Just do the work and focus on it coming from a good place of knowing that it's done. You don't need to know HOW but you just need to know the plane is going to somehow land one day.
I just come back to Neville every time, because his methods are simple and philosophies work well for how I think. I've done tons of psychedelic mushrooms over the years which luckily made me very open to this sort of thinking, before that I was very rigid and too '3d scientific' minded in my thinking. Keep in mind there is actually nothing 'unscientific' about the Law... modern science has its own limitations in that we cannot measure many things.
What used to be called magic in years past is now under the realm of science right? I'm not saying I don't value logic and science... I have a science degree from a top 5 university.
I'm just saying your ego mind which wants to keep you stuck and surviving uses the excuse of logic and science when that's actually not the full scope of how reality works, we are incredibly limited in our conscious understanding of reality.... we don't even know what we're doing here on a floating rock in infinite space and we can hardly see much of the light spectrum as it is.
So remember that when your ego tries to believe in your limitations and the 3d reality only. You being here is magic that even the most advanced science does not know the answer to. Do scientists know fundamentally why there is something at all instead of nothing?
Anyway, one more thing is I've never been shy of making relatively bold and fast decisions, investing in a mentor (for business) and just generally betting on myself.
Because getting around people who think bigger than you and don't settle is a hack and it's worth every penny. There is a reason millionaires hang with other millionaires.
I'm not saying to cut people out of your life (unless toxic) but rather to seek proximity and get around winners or pay to join some mastermind in business or whatever you need to do to network in your realm.
Just last week I invested 7.5k for get into a network of high performing young male entrepreneurs just because I want a better network in real life and work on business tactics and execution. When I was 23 I invested 25k that I did not have at the time (I made it happen and earned it back) to get a business mentor. So I use all of this in combo with Neville's methods primarily. I really like revision method as well.
The act of DECISION literally creates a parallel reality and becomes the new bridge to your manifestation.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRa-Lunch
Originally posted to relationship_advice
My (38F) Husband (39M) hid having lunch with a coworker (25F) and said my food was ‘tasteless’. What do I do?
Trigger Warnings: emotional affair, verbal abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation
Original Post: May 5, 2024
I want this to be quick. I feel really weird about this and I’m on the verge of asking for a separation.
So, I’ve been with my husband for 15 years, married for 11. Amazing relationship, small bumps of course but nothing like this.
I’ve always made lunch for my husband to take to work, and up until a little over a month ago that was fine. Middle of March he said that a new Turkish food stand opened up outside of his office and that he had been eating lunches there instead because they were good. Alright, no problem.
So he just completely stopped asking for lunches. I had maybe packed 5 during this time frame for him, but I’m not even sure he was eating them now.
So on Thursday I was at home working and I had a phone call from him, thought he was calling during his lunch but he had butt dialled me instead.
At first, I didn’t hear much, just him talking to someone, and I was about to hang up until I heard a woman’s voice as well. I wouldn’t say I’m a jealous person, but I was a little bit curious so I muted my call at work and listened.
It was just standard conversation at first, he was praising this woman’s cooking A LOT. Which of course made me realise that he was eating lunch this coworker made. I was a bit peeved but there’s an explanation sure.
Although that went out the fucking window when she said “is it better than your wife’s?” To which he replied “Oh yeah, without a doubt. I mean, it’s not tasteless for a start” followed by laughing.
First of all, what the fuck is that supposed to mean? 15 years of cooking and NOW he has a complaint? And not even to me but some coworker!!
Also, that absolutely isn’t innocent on her end right? I’m not crazy in thinking that’s so weird, why even bring me up?
Anyway, I raised hell, ended the call, sent him a message not to ‘worry about my tasteless cooking anymore’ and that he ‘can eat from the bin’ from now on.
Hes apologised, said that he loves my food and was just trying to seem cool in front of his coworker. I asked why he lied about where he was getting lunch from, and he said that initially he did get it from that stand, but the coworker started offering and he didn’t want to tell me because he thought that I would get jealous (yeah, can you blame me?)
So, I’ve been airing him since. I’m still pissed to be honest, I haven’t made him lunch or dinner, only for myself since he said that he dislikes it so much. He said today that he’s apologised and that I shouldn’t keep punishing him but I’m literally an inch from going to my mums. I have a suitcase with my clothes packed under our bed ready.
Dad thinks it was a stupid comment, but that I should work it out, mum is on my side regardless of my decision. I’m thinking about leaving for a few days at least, maybe a separation but I honestly just want some reassurance if that’s what’s best here?
Relevant Comments
OOP on if this was a one-off situation

OOP: It’s a one off and so insanely weird coming from him. He’s never been that type of person at all. I can’t remember a single time hes said something negative about me to myself, never mind to someone else!
He hasn’t been suspicious with his phone of behaviour at all. He comes home on time and if he’s out with friends I can pretty much confirm it, so I’m not sure. Maybe at most an emotional affair or a crush? But at the moment I don’t think he’s cheating. I honestly just feel really hurt

OOP on if her husband can cook or not

OOP: He can barely cook, so it’d be more of a punishment for me to be honest. I’ve been making him cook for himself since this happened and he’s been miserable. Definitely agree with the asshole coworker though, no clue why she had the audacity to try and bring me up like that

I didn’t know. Yeah he’s apologised, but I’m still pretty hurt over it. Cooking for 15 years just to have him badmouth me sucks. Ideally I want him to cut ties with that coworker of his too for bringing me up. He won’t mention much of her but I feel like she’s just as bad too.
I’m also pretty annoyed he lied to me for a month about the fact that he was eating lunch with this coworker, her lunch too. I don’t see why he would

Blue-eagle-23: Has he agreed to stop having lunch with her? Even if she is not hoping to get with him she is certainly not a supporter of your relationship.

OOP: He said that he’ll stop having lunch with her and apparently has done since that happened. (Although I have no way of proving this)

the_taco_life: If he's not cheating on you with his much younger coworker, he wants to/is trying to. Man my vagina would dry up and blow away in a puff of dust over such classic creepy older dude behavior.
You're not overreacting. You're under reacting.

OOP: I absolutely feel it drying up already. It’s like everything I’ve found attractive in him has gone. He’s just so plain to me now.

issa_username29: Yeahhhh honestly I’d probably leave for at least a couple of days too, overhearing something like that would piss me off! Has he been weird with his phone or any other communication devices?

OOP: Absolutely nothing! No change in behaviour either. He hasn’t been cagey or weird, he’s let me use his phone whenever before all of this happened. He’s been completely normal

 
Update May 7, 2024
I’m back. It’s not a great update but you all deserve one for all of the advice you gave me on my last post.
He confirmed that he developed a crush on her, it’s an emotional affair at least and that’s all I really need to hear. I sat him down and had a heart to heart with him.
Bottom line are these points.

• if I hadn’t of heard what he said, he most likely would have continued flirting with her, he admitted this himself.
  
• he liked the attention, she had bad mouthed me previously (I didn’t ask for examples) and he didn’t shut it down because he liked it.
  
• She has actively been persuing him for over 3 months now, he hadn’t put a stop to it until I caught him.
  
• The Saturday before last she offered to give him a blowjob during lunch together, he declined, but he told me that he let her feel his muscles over his clothes.
  

The only reason he said all of this fucking shit was because I was all sweet and I said “I promise, tell me the full truth and we can move on, I’ll forgive you, I just want to know”
Right, fuck that. He is packing his bags. This is MY house, and it will be treated as such. I really don’t care anymore. If he’s seriously deluded himself into thinking this is going to last, he can crack on.
I’m genuinely so angry more than anything. I did everything for him. I make double what he does so I paid all the bills, while we used his money for fun stuff. When we met he had crippling CPTSD and body dysmorphia. I did fucking everything to help him get over it. I dealt with his night terrors every bloody night, despite it ruining my sleep. I reassured him constantly despite not getting it back. All of it without a bloody complaint. You love someone so much just for them to throw you away so easily.
He cried, had a panic attack that I had to calm him down from and is now taking his time packing. He keeps stopping to come into the living room to ask for a hug. I can’t even express how disgusted I feel, like I physically can’t even look at him anymore.
There was no need, if he was unhappy he should have told me, I don’t know why the hell he even felt the need to get some validation from this girl but sure, whatever.
He keeps saying he doesn’t know why he did it, but of course he knows, he’s just too much of a coward to tell me.
Well whatever, it’s done now. He’s leaving, his family is back in Germany so fuck knows who he’s staying with, probably her but I’m washing my hands of him.
Thank you for all of the advice you gave me on the last post, so many great ideas that I didn’t even end up needing to use because he just down right admitted it all to me.
Relevant Comments
Katatonic92: Doesn't know why he did it? Here's my guess based on the info you shared;

1. You saw him at his weakest & most vulnerable, you are clearly still his backbone judging from his current behaviour. He doesn't get to play the toxic image of manly man to you, in his mind, you are stronger than him. I guarantee he hasn't opened up to her about any vulnerabilities he has, it sounds like she has appealed to the toxic manly man ideal of making food & offering blowjobs to the big, strong muscular man. He gets to inflate his ego in a way he can't with you.
2. Not only have you emotionally supported him, you are also the main breadwinner, the provider. You cover the bills, the roof over your head, his contribution is the unnecessary fun stuff. This is yet another blow to the toxic manly man's fragile ego. He probably considers himself financially superior to her, his money could hold more "value" to her instead of it just being fun money you won't really miss.
3. He is older than her, gets to seem like the wiser, more worldly adult of the relationship. He will feel superior to her in every way he feels inferior to you.
4. He enjoyed the negative comments made about your food, not because they were necessarily true but because it meant you weren't perfect & someone else was validating it. Again, when you are insecure it is easier to find faults be derogatory towards a perceived threat to drag them down, instead of building themselves up.

Conclusion. Major insecurity, inflation of ego from someone he feels he holds superiority over. And as fucking usual, instead of recognising this bullshit, speaking to his wife who has done nothing but love & support him, go to see a therapist to work on his feelings, he goes down the easy road. Instead of doing the work to overcome his feelings of inadequacy, it was so much easier to gravitate to someone who not only let him ignore those feelings for a while, they also found a way to tear you down.
I'm sorry you are experiencing this, it is truly pathetic when someone would sooner risk causing this terminal heartbreak, than suffer short term discomfort by communicating. It's pathetic.

OOP: Jesus fucking Christ. How do I pin a comment? That’s so unbelievably true I can’t even say anything.
Physically he’s pretty intimidating. He’s 6’6 and about 270 pounds, and he can be pretty scary to people who don’t know him. But he’s always been extremely sweet and kind, and that’s one of his biggest insecurities, looking like a man but not ‘feeling’ like one. Which has always been bullshit to me. But yeah, everything you said is literally him.
I can’t even thank you enough for writing this. Having it down fully on here is so incredibly validating.

OOP on her husband’s co-worker being a problem

OOP: She is A problem. Singular. I’m not running to her house to curb stomp her because I don’t know a damn thing about this woman. But regardless. Yeah, she wanted to fuck a married man, is that fucked up? Absolutely, and if the chance comes around I’m being petty and getting revenge. But seriously, who’s the hell is she? Did I spend 15 years of my life with this woman? Did I make vows to her? NO.
Read this, then reread it sir. My HUSBAND, is at fault here, because he knew damn well what was going on. He knew this woman wanted him, he knew what was going to happen and he let it. What can I do to her? Nothing, what can I do to my husband? Divorce him. That’s the bottom line.
For the love of god, stop dick riding my husband and move on, it’s actually insane that I have to say this but no one is defending that woman, no one, we’re coming rightfully for my husband because of HIS part in all of this.

 
Soon to be ex saw my update, came to my house. I’m safe. - May 9, 2024
I can’t post another update to the relationship sub, and I didn’t know if people would see it if I just made an edit myself on my other post. Some shit went down, but I’m okay. Yesterday night STBX contacted me. A lot of people told me to delete my recent update made of the post, it honestly slipped my mind that he could be reading it too,
He said that he was a bit hurt that I’d think he would go for Alimony. But that he understands given everything. He told me that he wasn’t going to but if he needed to sign something to prove it he would.
I said given everything that’s happened he can’t blame me for being on alert. He said that he’s quit his job and that he’s thinking about returning to Germany to be with his family there, additionally he says he’s cut contact with that coworker. He apologised again and wished me the best
Right, and that would have been just fine by itself. But I woke up at about 2.15am last night needing a wee and I saw my ring door bell going off. I have footage of him just sitting outside my house talking to himself. Literally he got there at 1 ish, knocked, sat down on my front steps and just started talking. I slept through it and only woke up because I needed the bathroom. I literally sat in my closet for ages just watching the camera not knowing what to do until he left at 3am.
He’s probably going to read this too but I’m somewhere safe, I just can’t tell you all for obvious reasons. He sent me a message saying he can’t lose me, that I’m the love of his life. I told him to fuck off and blocked him.
I really can’t say much, but I’m taking action. Absolutely don’t worry about that little prick.
Just a possible last update, it’s a bit risky to tell you what’s happening now that it’s gotten a bit shittier, just in case it gets back to him.
Relevant Comments
OOP on her husband blowing up his life for his emotional affair and doing anything to get her back

OOP: I did end up asking him why he declined her offer for a blow job. I feel like at this point it’s pretty done and dusted, there isn’t really a need to keep lying.
He said the main thing was that he was a little bit afraid to cross that line, and that he had rationalised to himself that since it hadn’t turned physical, it wasn’t bad. (He didn’t really elaborate on why he was afraid, but we were each other’s firsts, so that’s maybe why?)
I cringed a bit writing about her feeling up his muscles. It feels a bit gross to type out for some reason. My STBX is a physically big bloke. He’s 6’6 and roughly 270. He was in the military for a while and he never got out of that routine. I really don’t know what he means when he says his muscles. I mean it could be any of them.
My heart does really hurt for him in a strange way. I was a bit panicked this morning after I woke up from the nights drama worried if he had a night terror or something. I know that he betrayed me, but I still can’t stop hoping that he’s okay. I’ve messaged some of his friends to check up on him just in case.

OOP on if she and her husband have kids

OOP Nope! No kids thank god! We’re childfree

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

DC Next presents:

I AM BATMAN

In True Crime
Issue Sixteen: Dark Hair And Face Paint
Written by ClaraEclair
Edited by PredaPlant & DeadIslandMan1
 
<< < Previous Issue Next Issue > Coming Next Month
 
 
Gotham University’s winter term was coming to an end, and that meant the resident varsity football team was finishing out their season — on home turf, no less. The Nighthawks were on a winning streak and were looking to finish off the season with a championship. The entire team felt the energy coursing through them as the stadium filled and crowd chants grew.
There were always major league scouts within the crowds at these types of games, especially for teams as impressive as the Nighthawks had been. There was no doubt in anyone’s mind that some of the players on the varsity team would be making it to the national league. The coach, as hard as he could be on his team, felt nothing but warm pride in his heart and mind.
Zack Howard, the captain of the Nighthawks, looked over the 120 yard field from the player entrance, listening to the roaring crowd chanting for the Nighthawks — even fans of the Princeton Tigers felt the pull toward cheering on the Gotham University team. Just as much as his coach, he felt pride in being able to carry his team this far. He hoped to give the best game he’d ever played, to be noticed by big league coaches and scouts.
“Zack!” He heard his coach shout from behind him, no doubt trying to shift his attention back to the locker room and preparations for the game ahead. Zack exhaled deeply and turned around to see Coach Fremlin approaching with a light jog, holding something in his hand. “Delivery for ya,” he said, handing the envelope to the captain. “Some girl said to give it to you, said there’s somethin’ special inside.” With a smirk, Fremlin clapped Zack’s shoulder before turning back toward the locker room.
Zack’s mind flooded with possibilities and fantasies about what could’ve been in the envelope. Something special could have been anything, and it excited him as he ripped it open. His expression quickly shifted, however, as he pulled a handwritten note out of the envelope, scribbled in nearly illegible handwriting.
”Zack Howard,” it read. He opened it, his brow furrowed, and watched as an instant print photograph fell out of the fold and onto the ground. One piece of clear tape had been shoddily applied to the corner and had clearly lost its adhesion. Leaning down, Zack picked up the photo and squinted, trying to make out the subject.
It took a few moments, but the longer he stared at the photo, the more it dawned on him what was depicted in it. Instantly, upon realising what he saw, he rushed back to the locker room and forced himself through his teammates to Coach Fremlin, who was dragging out his playbook. He grabbed the coach by the shoulder, twisted him around to face him directly, and planted the photo firmly on his chest.
“What the fuck is this?” he demanded. Confused, Fremlin chuckled nervously as he tried to grasp the small photo on his chest, not able to see the subject but only the fury in Zack’s face. The room fell totally silent as the entire team watched the coach and their captain with bated breaths.
“What do you mean?” asked Fremlin, turning the image over and squinting at it, trying to make out the details. Just as fast as Zack had initially made out the details, Fremlin’s face dropped at the realisation. “Holy God, Zack, I–”
“What the hell is this?!” Zack demanded once more, resisting the urge to grab his coach by the collar and push him against the wall. “Who gave this to you?”
“I– I don’t know, it was some girl,” Fremlin stuttered, fumbling over himself. “She was short, had black hair, face paint…”
“What’s it say on the back?” asked Tim Teslow, the team’s best running back, pointing toward the image and the messy scrawls on the back of it. Zack snapped it back out of Fremlin’s hands as the coach sat down, head in his hands.
“Section 204, Row 8, seat 9,” Zack read the note aloud. “I’m going to go see what this is,” he said through clenched teeth.
“Dude, that’s across the stadium,” said Cutter Karznowski, the wide receiver that had only joined at the start of the season. “The game’s starting in a few minutes.”
“I don’t care,” Zack snapped back. “I’m going.”
 
 
Good evening, Gothamites, I hope you enjoyed that last one — Barcode by Self-Sacrificial. It’s always been a personal favourite of mine, straight to the point with the best beats and deepest riffs.
In the same spirit, I’ll get straight to the point of why today’s a big day for me — you’ve all known this was coming but I never quite said what it was. When I started this show a little over a year ago, I wanted to look at the dirt of the world. I wanted to bring you my favourite music while trying to figure out my favourite events in this city.
I’ve talked about all the legends, I’ve talked about Joker, Mister Freeze, and so many others. I’ve talked about new shooters like Man-Bat and Professor Pyg. I’ve even, unfortunately, shed some light on the unoriginal copycat hacks that have started popping up in recent years. It’s all been out of love, though. Love for the mind of those who would commit these atrocities, appreciation for what they are and what they represent.
There’s a reason why they are what they are, and it’s always been a goal of mine to love and appreciate what they put into the world. It’s all about the chaos.
But, today, I won’t be talking about that. Today, I’ll be talking about football. Before you all start booing me, it’s my special day and it’s my show, so I get final say. Specifically, it’s the big championship game for the Gotham University Nighthawks. I went to school with these guys, I feel… an obligation.
I’m excited to see how the game will turn out. I get the nagging feeling that their winning streak might come to an end.
 
 
Section 204 in the Gotham Knights stadium, on the north side of Tricorner Island, the southernmost landmass of Gotham, was filled to the brim with spectators and fans. All were cheering as they waited and watched the Gotham University Nighthawks enter the field below, while Zack spent his time searching the section for a small woman with black hair and face paint.
Despite the difficulty of sifting through the crowded seats, he couldn’t find a woman matching that description. He looked back down at the photograph’s note and read it again, making sure he was in the right spot. The location remained the same: Section 204, row 8, seat 9.
People called out his name, but he was quick to shrug them off. He was too focused on finding the woman who’d sent him the photograph. Even asking those who’d been sitting within section 204 had proved fruitless, with no one being able to say anything about the described woman.
Angry and dejected, Zack turned back toward the steps between sections to head back down to the field when something caught his eye as he moved.
“Sir!” He called out, angling his head toward a man two rows above him, pointing beneath his seat. “Sir, what’s that under your seat?” There was some sort of flashing light taped to the bottom of the seat, slowly pulsing between purple and green.
The man looked confused, leaning forward to take a look at what Zack had pointed at, eyes widening the moment he saw the wiring that he sat atop. A complex series of wires and lights traced their way around each seat in the section, though neither he nor Zack could see what, exactly, the wires were attached to.
“I don’t–”
The man could only shout out those few words before a loud explosion rocked the stadium, blasts running down the portion of the stadium from rows 12 to 4. Dozens of seats were annihilated as smoke, fire, and green gas erupted. Cries of pain and fear replaced the cheers of the spectators.
Blood tainted the intact seats while the smoke rose into the air, infiltrating the sky of southern Gotham, visible from all along the city’s coast. What fell across the stadium, permeating nearly every seat on the west side of the stadium, making its way into the halls that traced the inner workings of the building, was a thick green gas, forcing its way into the lungs of the men and women who were running for their lives, trampling each other.
Those closest to the explosion felt intense convulsions in their abdomens and spasms in their faces, involuntarily forced to bear wicked grins while their shattering breaths overtook the screams of terror in the form of wicked laughter.
Amidst the chaos, the charred photo that Zack once held fell slowly and gracefully, slightly charred, ignorant of the horror that it had been subject to. Slightly charred, it landed a few sections away from the explosions, trampled upon by infected spectators who had no idea what was being done to them.
 
 
A Few Minutes Earlier…
James Gordon’s office at the Gotham City Police Department headquarters was quiet as he sat at his desk, resting his elbows on its surface with his hands clasped, opposite Astrid Arkham, the frail-seeming daughter of Jeremiah Arkham. She had requested a meeting with him, and he had assumed it was for an update into Batman’s investigation into her father.
“Gotham City needs something new,” she began, catching him by surprise. His eyes widened slightly, then his brow furrowed. “We’ve been in this… this state of insanity for decades now, and it is only getting worse. This city is no longer livable, Commissioner.” He resisted the urge to groan. The only difference in Gotham City as it was and the Gotham City of before was that the murders had become spectacle.
When supervillains pushed out mobsters and gangsters, there was a shift in crime, but the results remained the same. Salvatore Maroni and Carmine Falcone knew how to keep their business quiet to the public unless they were in active war. Those were the good old days, now.
“Insane, maniacal supervillains,” she continued. “They rule the streets whenever they so choose. The police cannot deal with them, not under you. You rely on the Batman,” there was venom in her voice as she spoke the name, “and she sweeps up the problems while bringing deranged cultists and assassins into this city. She’s the heir of a small personal army with untold technology and she runs free. The Joker Riots, the assassin siege, Simon Hurt, all because the Batman has infested this town with these misguided thoughts of the supernatural, supposedly haunting our city.” Gordon remained silent.
“Essen’s incentives are now failing,” she said, watching Gordon closely for a reaction. If he gave one, she couldn’t see it. “How many companies that were enticed by her incentives have moved headquarters out of Gotham? They pay nothing in taxes, they have Essen licking their boots, and it’s still not enough. Despite all that’s happened, we haven’t been through hell yet, Commissioner. We’ve only arrived at the gates.”
“If I may, Miss Arkham,” said Gordon, leaning back in his chair, scanning the young woman up and down. “What’s your point?” He understood what she was saying, and he feared she was right, but he didn’t like the conclusion she was bringing forth.
“You are antiquated, Commissioner,” she replied, her face straight. “Obsolete. Your methods don’t work anymore, the law you uphold is no longer effective. Besides that, you are getting old. I can see the fatigue in your face, the bags under your eyes, your paleness. You’re not the detective you used to be.” Astrid leaned forward in her seat, putting her weight on her cane. “Gotham needs something new.”
Gordon’s phone rang, and for a brief moment he was thankful for the reprieve — but only for a moment.
 
 
I’d say I feel bad for the people at the Nighthawks game, but, if I’m totally honest, they had it coming. It’s about time everything caught up to them.
While we all ruminate on what’s happening at the game right now, let’s listen to some good music. This is Confetti by Viscera.
 
 
Batman had listened to as many notes as she could about a green gas that made anyone who inhaled it laugh uncontrollably. It typically led to suffocation through the inability to control the diaphragm, but this time it didn’t, and it confused the Dark Knight. A familiar sight, an attack that resulted in eery laughter, and yet it wasn’t what the city had seen before. None of the victims that hadn’t been in the initial blast had died, though medical care for each of them was necessary.
As much as she cursed herself for being late, not able to save anyone as the events unfolded, she knew that she needed to take control as fast as possible. She, along with every person in the city, dreaded what this attack meant. The name of a particular clown lingered on everyone’s tongues, though no one dared invoke his name.
Batman wasn’t so sure, and she hoped that her gut feeling was right. Most of the bodies that were recoverable had been extracted from the blast zone, over a dozen dead and dozens more injured. Blood and soot equally covered the destroyed seats, and even more on the concrete below.
One thing caught Batman’s eye amidst the mess, two sections away from the initial blast. A small instant print photograph, half burnt, laid on the ground, covered in dirty boot prints. She picked it up and looked it over, squinting as she studied the subject.
It was a blonde woman, head down with wet hair covering her face. Almost lost in the details was a small trail of blood behind the hair, mixing with trailing makeup. Batman frowned as she flipped the image over, seeing the note for a specific seat in the section of the stadium that had been blown to bits.
She approached the seat and kneeled, ducking down to see under the seat. It was one of few that remained intact after the explosions. Zack Howard’s Final Stop was scratched into the bottom of the seat, and at the sight of it, Batman signalled to Oracle to scan the engraving. She couldn’t identify the woman in the photograph, but she could see clearly enough that the attack was targeted at a specific person.
Another killer, she thought to herself, fearing what it could mean for the city. Pyg almost tore the richest members of the city’s economy apart, and they were ready to throw their own to the wolves. Now, there’d been a deadly gas attack at a football game — one that had been sponsored by many of Gotham’s elite.
The idea that the Clown Prince of Crime had returned was already making its way through the city — Batman knew she would have to exert control over everything she could to keep it from tearing itself apart at the seams. She was more than prepared to do so.
“It doesn’t look good,” she said to Oracle.
“Yeah,” she said, her voice distant. “I hope it’s just another copycat, they’re much easier to deal with.”
“I don’t know,” Batman replied, looking back at the photograph. “Something’s different.”

21+ ! !
please message me with more than "hi, how are you?" + do not chat message me, send me a DM! it's so much easier for me since i use the app on my phone.
just your local girlfriend stealing, alternative, bisexual here. 👋 but you know what? let's set that aside for now (your girlfriend is safe for the moment) because i'm looking for friends that are as good to me as i am to others, which is apparently *harder than it should be. i am a genuinely kind, loving person even if my face says otherwise. oops. i have a severe case of resting sad face, so sorry.
i'm smitten with people who are weird but not weird enough to make others uncomfy, or unable to enjoy the weirdness, ya know? i know you know. i like people who are into things that others mostly aren't: tarot, astrology, deep conversations, things like that. i might not actively be participating in said things but i like hearing the perspective of people who are! my friends always joke that i'm the person people say "i can fix her!" about but uh, i'm awesome. i don't need fixed. ✨i will admit though, i hesitate about people a lot because while i do want a best friend -- mine have scorned me, so i need someone patient with me and understanding of that, please. please. i adore social connections but i do come with a social battery and it needs refilled. me needing that time does not negate the connection i have built with you and am nurturing with you.
i will genuinely offer you diamonds in the form of friendship, just reciprocate it. i will offer you the safest, most non-judgement free zone you can imagine, you are always - always, safe with me. i just ask that you are a good, kind, compassionate friend to me. you can literally tell me anything in the world and if it isn't hurting anyone else, i will listen without judgment. i promise you. i'll also send you spotify songs that i really like, so hi. hello.
on to the fun tingz (and the stuff that will hopefully bring you in),
i'm watching my first ever anime, like ever and no we're not going to talk about my real first ever anime because it might've been a live action and it might've been death note and maybe i enjoyed it (holy crap, sueeeee me) but i have a few on my list to watch but i got pressured into this one, so far so good! let's talk about it, ask me which one it is! it's a pretty popular one lol. maybe you can guess it! either way, i'm also into horror shows/movies. i'm not really into the gory ones anymore, nor the emotional horror so i'll pass. my heart strings are saying noOoO thanks. i love watching movies with friends and even anthology shows like cabinet of curiosities, dark mirror, etc etc. i don't mind anything else! hit me up. i'll tell you some stuff i like(d)
currently, iiiiii am a graphic design major with a knack for not drawing. i mean, i guess i do like pixel art. if you can give me something small to draw in pixel art form, i will attempt it (if you give me something large, i'll send you doo doo in the mail) but honestly, i am still learning and trying new things everyday 💤 however, i'm in the process of changing majors to cybersecurity! which starts in June, so wish ya girl luck 💅
i am a gamer, so come game with me! i don't play league, my mental health is terrible enough, thank you. i also don't play wow, my attention span could never. i do, however, play valorant because i don't like myself that much. i got you there, didn't i? i play a few other things: CS, starting to get into overwatch 2 (please play this with me and if you ask me my rank, i'll cry), party animals, pummel party (can we please?) etc. i tend to hang out in valorant land though, i won't lie. i do not take it seriously and honestly, nor should you.. nerd.
i am ✨sPiCy✨so if that bothers you, i am sorry. i, again, am a genuinely kind person but i do have a snarkiness to me that is meant to be a slight "i love you" + dash of bully. ❤

Hi everyone. This post is in regards to the “K hiphop & rnb” festival being held in Sydney and Melbourne this July.
This festival is being held by Prime Entertainment, and I feel responsible to make everyone aware of just how shady this company is.
Below is a recap of my experiences with prime, having worked with them directly, and being an industry professional, I feel I am best suited to comment on the matter. Please read this.
I urge you all to please not attend these shows, they are likely to have artists pulled or the shows be cancelled entirely.
I am happy to answer any questions anyone has.
Thank you.
My Experience with Prime Entertainment
Hi. If this seems familiar that’s because this is a recap of everything that’s happened so far, I want to provide all the current information in one place for the relevant people to access.
Please read this the whole way through.
I have worked in the audio industry, in concert production for around 6 years now, and I’ve had my fair share of shit clients, but I have NEVER been treated with such lack of respect and have witnessed such disorganised business before.
I worked with Prime Entertainment on the TripleS in Sydney show last December. I was brought on less than a week before the show and was tasked with fixing a major issue with the staging, an issue that required me to hire in extra equipment and negotiate with venue staff to meet safety requirements. I understand not many of you are familiar with the world of concert production, but to put this simply, it was a job that required WAY more than THREE DAYS to complete in a satisfactory way.
Fixing this issue took me many hours, emails, phone calls, the whole lot, just to fix a damn stage.
Two days before the show, I was also asked to source 6-8 more lights to place on the front of the stage, and despite efforts that is not something I was able to provide given the timeframe.
Prime, I’m an engineer. Not a miracle worker.
I had explained ahead of the show that I was expecting payment and verbally outlined my rates, which in hindsight was a bad move as I now don’t have that in writing.
Post show, I send my invoice to Prime with the attached due date.
I was left on read for nearly two weeks.
It was only when I threatened legal action that I got a response, and to that, I was told that my rates were “unacceptable” and I was offered an hourly rate $30 per hour below my standard AV rate. Below minimum wage for casual workers under the LPA.
We settled on a middle ground, still $10 under my standard rate.
By that point, Prime had racked up almost $200 in late fees, which Prime refused to pay. And still has not paid. I ended up just letting it go as I just needed to pay my rent.
Let’s talk about VIP photos.
It does NOT take you MONTHS to receive photos from your photographers and get them out to the fans who paid for them. Plain and simple. Tell me why we only just received the Melbourne TripleS VIP photos, only AFTER having to contact you about this. I discovered that the reason these pics haven’t been provided is because prime hasn’t actually PAID those photographers yet. Multiple. Going all the way back to kwave.
And what’s more, you didn’t even provide all of them! Some people had their images left out of the file, conveniently the same people who have been trying to get answers out of you regarding photo approvals for a show that happened in NOVEMBER.
Prime, you do not get to sit there and leave people, clients, and audience alike on READ for weeks when you are withholding vital information and people’s rightful money that YOU owe them. That is plainly disrespectful.
Tabber and Jey.
What on earth made you think cancelling a Jey tour stop and not making a statement about it on your main platform was a good idea? Not everyone is checking your website daily, however if you had just put a post out on your instagram this would’ve been a lot better.
Now as for Tabber, it has been months and you have not processed refunds for the ticketholders who purchased VIP tickets at the incorrect price. It is now less than a month until the show and these people are unsure if their tickets are even valid because you WON’T COMMUNICATE.
This is your fuck up, Prime. You need to fix it.
You, as a promoter and event organiser, have a duty to be transparent with your audience about everything that pertains to the events you run, and you have not done such thing at all.
You have been severely unprofessional and lack the basic communication skills required for this kind of work. If you are not capable of running this business in a productive way, you need to hand it over to someone who can.
I refuse to sit idly by and watch you mislead your audience, this doesn’t just affect you, it affects the artists, the audience and the Australian music industry. You have a responsibility here and you have failed.
You have been given so many chances to fix these issues and you have instead stuck your head in the sand each and every time. Shame.
UPDATE 1:
well who’s surprised. I got blocked on all platforms. But I have some more information that I’d like to share.
After I put out my first post, I met up with a photographer who worked on some Prime shows last year and discovered that I was NOT the only one who did not get paid! This person is owed several hundred dollars by prime and has invoices MONTHS overdue, with radio silence from Prime. And he’s not the only one.
And now to add insult to injury, Prime is now approaching other photographers interstate and offering to pay for them to fly to Sydney and Melbourne for this hiphop festival in July, before even paying their professionals from shows LAST YEAR.
Now an update on VIP photos. As I’m sure those of you with packages know, not all the VIP photos were provided. Prime, people PAID for these photos, you do not get to pick and choose who gets them.
Prime is still yet to provide ANY vip photos for certain people, and quite frankly it’s petty and immature to withhold these images because you don’t like someone. This is grossly unprofessional.
People paid for these photos Prime, and I am not above getting my hands on them myself and getting them to the rightful people myself. I know you blocked me but I know you’ll see this either way, so let’s put it this way, I am in the process of acquiring these photos myself and I will be releasing them. The photographers deserve to be paid and the fans deserve the benefits they paid for.
You didn’t pay for them so you have no right to them. Stop leaving people on READ when they ask about the money they are rightfully owed.
Get your head out of your ass and get your shit together before you lose your business.
UPDATE 2:
I cannot believe we’re talking about this again.
It seems like every single time I hear about them things just get worse.
I am beyond angry.
I refuse to sit by and let Prime ruin Australia and New Zealand’s touring industry.
We as a country, rely so much on the international touring industry and companies like prime that routinely scam fans and artists are damaging the economy and I will not have it.
How fucking dare you come back and do a show when you actively owe thousands of dollars to fans to artists and to staff. The fucking audacity that you have astounds me.
Where are the refunds for Tabber? Where are the VIP pictures for Jey? Where is the merch that people ordered for Gemini?
You don’t have it because you clearly are incompetent and are a scammer.
You have time and time again, failed to pay the people that are supporting your shows and making these shows possible for you, and bringing you an income. You are ungrateful, selfish, entitled, and severely unprofessional.
You have no place in our industry.
Do NOT purchase any tickets for the k-hip hop & rnb festival. It’s likely to be canceled and you are likely to not receive any of your ticket benefits. This is ploy for money because they need it to pay for other things that I’m not at liberty to disclose. But it’s not good.
Prime, you’re too deep in your own shit to claw yourself out. You deserve to be in jail for what you’ve done. You disgust me on a very guttural level.
This isn’t just about me. This is about the industry as a whole. Gio, you are DESTROYING the Australian and New Zealand touring industry by operating in this way.
You need to stop. I do not CARE how much more money you lose. Cancel the show. You won’t get away with this, not unless I’m fucking dead.
I have contacted the management of each of the artists schedule to perform at the festival, and have strongly discouraged them from going through with it.
Please share this and tag the artists and the companies in this post so that they can see this.
We need to make it known that this behaviour is not acceptable at all in our industry and in our country. We are better than this.
I would also like to quickly mention something that I’ve already mentioned on my Instagram story.
Prime entertainment and Nova entertainment are not the same people.
Nova entertainment has been nothing but amazing to me ever since we started working together and ever since this whole situation blew up. Please send them your love and support, they have been through enough.
They are not responsible for any of the mismanagement of any previous shows, in fact, they’re the reason that most of them went ahead in the first place. They were handed a shitty deck of cards, and they did the best that they could with them, please do not send any hate. They were not responsible, and they are no longer associated with Prime.