I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRa-Lunch
Originally posted to relationship_advice
My (38F) Husband (39M) hid having lunch with a coworker (25F) and said my food was ‘tasteless’. What do I do?
Trigger Warnings: emotional affair, verbal abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation
Original Post: May 5, 2024
I want this to be quick. I feel really weird about this and I’m on the verge of asking for a separation.
So, I’ve been with my husband for 15 years, married for 11. Amazing relationship, small bumps of course but nothing like this.
I’ve always made lunch for my husband to take to work, and up until a little over a month ago that was fine. Middle of March he said that a new Turkish food stand opened up outside of his office and that he had been eating lunches there instead because they were good. Alright, no problem.
So he just completely stopped asking for lunches. I had maybe packed 5 during this time frame for him, but I’m not even sure he was eating them now.
So on Thursday I was at home working and I had a phone call from him, thought he was calling during his lunch but he had butt dialled me instead.
At first, I didn’t hear much, just him talking to someone, and I was about to hang up until I heard a woman’s voice as well. I wouldn’t say I’m a jealous person, but I was a little bit curious so I muted my call at work and listened.
It was just standard conversation at first, he was praising this woman’s cooking A LOT. Which of course made me realise that he was eating lunch this coworker made. I was a bit peeved but there’s an explanation sure.
Although that went out the fucking window when she said “is it better than your wife’s?” To which he replied “Oh yeah, without a doubt. I mean, it’s not tasteless for a start” followed by laughing.
First of all, what the fuck is that supposed to mean? 15 years of cooking and NOW he has a complaint? And not even to me but some coworker!!
Also, that absolutely isn’t innocent on her end right? I’m not crazy in thinking that’s so weird, why even bring me up?
Anyway, I raised hell, ended the call, sent him a message not to ‘worry about my tasteless cooking anymore’ and that he ‘can eat from the bin’ from now on.
Hes apologised, said that he loves my food and was just trying to seem cool in front of his coworker. I asked why he lied about where he was getting lunch from, and he said that initially he did get it from that stand, but the coworker started offering and he didn’t want to tell me because he thought that I would get jealous (yeah, can you blame me?)
So, I’ve been airing him since. I’m still pissed to be honest, I haven’t made him lunch or dinner, only for myself since he said that he dislikes it so much. He said today that he’s apologised and that I shouldn’t keep punishing him but I’m literally an inch from going to my mums. I have a suitcase with my clothes packed under our bed ready.
Dad thinks it was a stupid comment, but that I should work it out, mum is on my side regardless of my decision. I’m thinking about leaving for a few days at least, maybe a separation but I honestly just want some reassurance if that’s what’s best here?
Relevant Comments
OOP on if this was a one-off situation

OOP: It’s a one off and so insanely weird coming from him. He’s never been that type of person at all. I can’t remember a single time hes said something negative about me to myself, never mind to someone else!
He hasn’t been suspicious with his phone of behaviour at all. He comes home on time and if he’s out with friends I can pretty much confirm it, so I’m not sure. Maybe at most an emotional affair or a crush? But at the moment I don’t think he’s cheating. I honestly just feel really hurt

OOP on if her husband can cook or not

OOP: He can barely cook, so it’d be more of a punishment for me to be honest. I’ve been making him cook for himself since this happened and he’s been miserable. Definitely agree with the asshole coworker though, no clue why she had the audacity to try and bring me up like that

I didn’t know. Yeah he’s apologised, but I’m still pretty hurt over it. Cooking for 15 years just to have him badmouth me sucks. Ideally I want him to cut ties with that coworker of his too for bringing me up. He won’t mention much of her but I feel like she’s just as bad too.
I’m also pretty annoyed he lied to me for a month about the fact that he was eating lunch with this coworker, her lunch too. I don’t see why he would

Blue-eagle-23: Has he agreed to stop having lunch with her? Even if she is not hoping to get with him she is certainly not a supporter of your relationship.

OOP: He said that he’ll stop having lunch with her and apparently has done since that happened. (Although I have no way of proving this)

the_taco_life: If he's not cheating on you with his much younger coworker, he wants to/is trying to. Man my vagina would dry up and blow away in a puff of dust over such classic creepy older dude behavior.
You're not overreacting. You're under reacting.

OOP: I absolutely feel it drying up already. It’s like everything I’ve found attractive in him has gone. He’s just so plain to me now.

issa_username29: Yeahhhh honestly I’d probably leave for at least a couple of days too, overhearing something like that would piss me off! Has he been weird with his phone or any other communication devices?

OOP: Absolutely nothing! No change in behaviour either. He hasn’t been cagey or weird, he’s let me use his phone whenever before all of this happened. He’s been completely normal

 
Update May 7, 2024
I’m back. It’s not a great update but you all deserve one for all of the advice you gave me on my last post.
He confirmed that he developed a crush on her, it’s an emotional affair at least and that’s all I really need to hear. I sat him down and had a heart to heart with him.
Bottom line are these points.

• if I hadn’t of heard what he said, he most likely would have continued flirting with her, he admitted this himself.
  
• he liked the attention, she had bad mouthed me previously (I didn’t ask for examples) and he didn’t shut it down because he liked it.
  
• She has actively been persuing him for over 3 months now, he hadn’t put a stop to it until I caught him.
  
• The Saturday before last she offered to give him a blowjob during lunch together, he declined, but he told me that he let her feel his muscles over his clothes.
  

The only reason he said all of this fucking shit was because I was all sweet and I said “I promise, tell me the full truth and we can move on, I’ll forgive you, I just want to know”
Right, fuck that. He is packing his bags. This is MY house, and it will be treated as such. I really don’t care anymore. If he’s seriously deluded himself into thinking this is going to last, he can crack on.
I’m genuinely so angry more than anything. I did everything for him. I make double what he does so I paid all the bills, while we used his money for fun stuff. When we met he had crippling CPTSD and body dysmorphia. I did fucking everything to help him get over it. I dealt with his night terrors every bloody night, despite it ruining my sleep. I reassured him constantly despite not getting it back. All of it without a bloody complaint. You love someone so much just for them to throw you away so easily.
He cried, had a panic attack that I had to calm him down from and is now taking his time packing. He keeps stopping to come into the living room to ask for a hug. I can’t even express how disgusted I feel, like I physically can’t even look at him anymore.
There was no need, if he was unhappy he should have told me, I don’t know why the hell he even felt the need to get some validation from this girl but sure, whatever.
He keeps saying he doesn’t know why he did it, but of course he knows, he’s just too much of a coward to tell me.
Well whatever, it’s done now. He’s leaving, his family is back in Germany so fuck knows who he’s staying with, probably her but I’m washing my hands of him.
Thank you for all of the advice you gave me on the last post, so many great ideas that I didn’t even end up needing to use because he just down right admitted it all to me.
Relevant Comments
Katatonic92: Doesn't know why he did it? Here's my guess based on the info you shared;

1. You saw him at his weakest & most vulnerable, you are clearly still his backbone judging from his current behaviour. He doesn't get to play the toxic image of manly man to you, in his mind, you are stronger than him. I guarantee he hasn't opened up to her about any vulnerabilities he has, it sounds like she has appealed to the toxic manly man ideal of making food & offering blowjobs to the big, strong muscular man. He gets to inflate his ego in a way he can't with you.
2. Not only have you emotionally supported him, you are also the main breadwinner, the provider. You cover the bills, the roof over your head, his contribution is the unnecessary fun stuff. This is yet another blow to the toxic manly man's fragile ego. He probably considers himself financially superior to her, his money could hold more "value" to her instead of it just being fun money you won't really miss.
3. He is older than her, gets to seem like the wiser, more worldly adult of the relationship. He will feel superior to her in every way he feels inferior to you.
4. He enjoyed the negative comments made about your food, not because they were necessarily true but because it meant you weren't perfect & someone else was validating it. Again, when you are insecure it is easier to find faults be derogatory towards a perceived threat to drag them down, instead of building themselves up.

Conclusion. Major insecurity, inflation of ego from someone he feels he holds superiority over. And as fucking usual, instead of recognising this bullshit, speaking to his wife who has done nothing but love & support him, go to see a therapist to work on his feelings, he goes down the easy road. Instead of doing the work to overcome his feelings of inadequacy, it was so much easier to gravitate to someone who not only let him ignore those feelings for a while, they also found a way to tear you down.
I'm sorry you are experiencing this, it is truly pathetic when someone would sooner risk causing this terminal heartbreak, than suffer short term discomfort by communicating. It's pathetic.

OOP: Jesus fucking Christ. How do I pin a comment? That’s so unbelievably true I can’t even say anything.
Physically he’s pretty intimidating. He’s 6’6 and about 270 pounds, and he can be pretty scary to people who don’t know him. But he’s always been extremely sweet and kind, and that’s one of his biggest insecurities, looking like a man but not ‘feeling’ like one. Which has always been bullshit to me. But yeah, everything you said is literally him.
I can’t even thank you enough for writing this. Having it down fully on here is so incredibly validating.

OOP on her husband’s co-worker being a problem

OOP: She is A problem. Singular. I’m not running to her house to curb stomp her because I don’t know a damn thing about this woman. But regardless. Yeah, she wanted to fuck a married man, is that fucked up? Absolutely, and if the chance comes around I’m being petty and getting revenge. But seriously, who’s the hell is she? Did I spend 15 years of my life with this woman? Did I make vows to her? NO.
Read this, then reread it sir. My HUSBAND, is at fault here, because he knew damn well what was going on. He knew this woman wanted him, he knew what was going to happen and he let it. What can I do to her? Nothing, what can I do to my husband? Divorce him. That’s the bottom line.
For the love of god, stop dick riding my husband and move on, it’s actually insane that I have to say this but no one is defending that woman, no one, we’re coming rightfully for my husband because of HIS part in all of this.

 
Soon to be ex saw my update, came to my house. I’m safe. - May 9, 2024
I can’t post another update to the relationship sub, and I didn’t know if people would see it if I just made an edit myself on my other post. Some shit went down, but I’m okay. Yesterday night STBX contacted me. A lot of people told me to delete my recent update made of the post, it honestly slipped my mind that he could be reading it too,
He said that he was a bit hurt that I’d think he would go for Alimony. But that he understands given everything. He told me that he wasn’t going to but if he needed to sign something to prove it he would.
I said given everything that’s happened he can’t blame me for being on alert. He said that he’s quit his job and that he’s thinking about returning to Germany to be with his family there, additionally he says he’s cut contact with that coworker. He apologised again and wished me the best
Right, and that would have been just fine by itself. But I woke up at about 2.15am last night needing a wee and I saw my ring door bell going off. I have footage of him just sitting outside my house talking to himself. Literally he got there at 1 ish, knocked, sat down on my front steps and just started talking. I slept through it and only woke up because I needed the bathroom. I literally sat in my closet for ages just watching the camera not knowing what to do until he left at 3am.
He’s probably going to read this too but I’m somewhere safe, I just can’t tell you all for obvious reasons. He sent me a message saying he can’t lose me, that I’m the love of his life. I told him to fuck off and blocked him.
I really can’t say much, but I’m taking action. Absolutely don’t worry about that little prick.
Just a possible last update, it’s a bit risky to tell you what’s happening now that it’s gotten a bit shittier, just in case it gets back to him.
Relevant Comments
OOP on her husband blowing up his life for his emotional affair and doing anything to get her back

OOP: I did end up asking him why he declined her offer for a blow job. I feel like at this point it’s pretty done and dusted, there isn’t really a need to keep lying.
He said the main thing was that he was a little bit afraid to cross that line, and that he had rationalised to himself that since it hadn’t turned physical, it wasn’t bad. (He didn’t really elaborate on why he was afraid, but we were each other’s firsts, so that’s maybe why?)
I cringed a bit writing about her feeling up his muscles. It feels a bit gross to type out for some reason. My STBX is a physically big bloke. He’s 6’6 and roughly 270. He was in the military for a while and he never got out of that routine. I really don’t know what he means when he says his muscles. I mean it could be any of them.
My heart does really hurt for him in a strange way. I was a bit panicked this morning after I woke up from the nights drama worried if he had a night terror or something. I know that he betrayed me, but I still can’t stop hoping that he’s okay. I’ve messaged some of his friends to check up on him just in case.

OOP on if she and her husband have kids

OOP Nope! No kids thank god! We’re childfree

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

My oldest son and oldest daughter make amazing arguments about the US' corrupt education system. They and my middle daughter attend a public high school where they're being targeted by staff for reasons involving their identites. Yeah. Not classmates. Staff.
The kids in that school are sort of revolting against the system, and the admin don't know what to do. I'm so proud of my kids. When I was young I wouldn't have the guts to stand up for what I believe in like that. My son is in a group of friends the school thinks are "untrustworthy" and so they keep reaching out to me asking if he needs an evaluation. My son's FTM transgender and his group is made up of queer kids.
My middle daughter's sort of (sadly) conformed, and her health teacher is making her hate her body by commenting on her (lack of) breast size. My husband and I don't know what to do. Not only is the high school terrible, but the elementary school's not much better.
My 7 year old daughters are being referred to as "the (last name) twins" even though they keep telling them to stop. Their teachers have just stopped talking about them as individuals by name. They're always paired together for projects even though they don't get along (they just don't mix well as individuals) and they're bitter because all the others get to work with friends. This is probably a pretty common issue, but as a mom with identical twin daughters, it's infuriating.
I'm so done.

As a vegan couple in our late 20’s/early 30’s, I find vegan reviews SUPER helpful - so I thought I’d leave an honest review of our week vacation at the Royaltan Bavaro’s All-Inclusive resort in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.
Room: It’s a family resort, so set your expectations for some wear and tear. Our room (building 18, 4th floor) had definitely seen better days - specifically, the furniture. It felt like everything needed to be sanitized, but I’m also a big germaphobe. We didn’t get sick or anything and housekeeping does a good job at tidying up, but just set expectations - it’s not going to be a beautiful, luxurious room, but we felt comfortable
Pools/Beach: - The lazy river was awesome, probably one of our favorites bc our inner child is alive and well - it’s a very SLOW lazy river, but all the splash features kept things fun and there’s even 2 small slides you can use on opposite sides. There’s also the dips lazy river water bar, which was so cool. - There’s also a main Royaltan pool and infinity pool with another water bar - both were good, nothing too special, but no shade - We weren’t diamond club, but didn’t feel like we missed out on the diamond pool - didn’t look like anything special either, but they do have specific activities just for the diamond pool - There’s also a kiddy mini water playground (looked fun, with shade for the parents) and a shallow kiddie pool near the main pool with shade as well. - Finally, the beach palapas were cute and spread out if you want to find shade by the beach - we went in the off-season (Mid-May), but even then they filled up quick, so best of luck 😂 the beach was kept pretty clean too, despite the sorgasm/seaweed
Other Amenities: - There’s a very uneven putt-putt course - fun, but definitely a little goofy without any course decoration - The kids clubhouse looked fun too, but we didn’t spend time here - looked like you could draw, play pool, basketball, and they had some lil kid toys too - Score’s Bar also had a pool table and handles most of the nightlife entertainment like light dancing and karaoke - There’s a casinos, but we don’t gamble so nothing to review on this - We also had access to the private pool cabanas - they were alright, no view of the beach or anything so meh. However, the attending staff are fantastic and you can order diamond beach menu items (none being vegan though so 🤷🏼‍♀️)
Spa/Gym - The gym is great, lots of diverse equipment/weights with TRX. There’s about 4 treadmills and 1 of everything else though, so if you’re there during the busy season you may have to wait for sets. They have plenty of activities throughout the day too, like yoga, Pilates, kickboxing, aqua fit, etc. all very easy level though - Spa was fine, we did hydrotherapy and the 100min couples massage/scrub. Hydrotherapy was just an indoor warm pool and the massage/scrub wasn’t the greatest, but the average person with less spa experience would likely find it all to be great. Just definitely nothing special
Entertainment: Every night, they do a small activity like Just Dance for the kids around 7pm. Following, they’ll do some type of competition for guest volunteers (dance, MJ impersonations, etc). After that, a live band or performance - the circus show is a must, very fun for the kids and adults alike. Aside from that, it’s all okay - we enjoyed ourselves
Food: As vegans, we were on our own a bit. Buffet items are not clearly labeled (mashed potatoes, for example, might have have butter - we could never get a clear answer from staff). The restaurants also didn’t have great options, or just weren’t vegan in the first place. Seemed like staff didn’t really understand veganism - we spoke with the front desk to get accommodations and they printed an English/Spanish list of what we couldn’t have (no leche, no queso, no carne, etc), but that only got us so far as well. Just a lack of knowledge from the staff - we were disappointed bc this resort was advertised and reviewed as a good vegan option (and we had a great time with minimal options IE fries, rice, and beans), but I definitely wouldn’t recommend for vegans
Staff: Hit or miss, some staff were spectacular and outstanding - others seemed a bit unwelcoming and it made us feel guilty to ask for things. Service was excellent, they were all superb and genuinely wanted to help make our stay a great experience - it just wore on our conscious occasionally, which I wasn’t expecting. Just something to note - overall very friendly though! We also tipped our servers and staff, in case that helps frame our experience
Overall thoughts: We had a great time! Best memories we’re excursions, but Royaltan Bavaro was very fun and we’d recommend it to our omnivore friends/fams/couples looking for a holiday inn level resort - stable, safe choice, good experience overall but nothing incredible

I am going to delete this after the post slows down, but I am lost and it is my own doing.
Spent 8 years in the US Air Force fixing medical equipment. Got caught up with drug charges and ended up with a misdemeanor and a bad conduct discharge. I got a job right out of the military at 28/hr, doing maintenance on medical equipment. I lost that two weeks in because I was not pulling 10+ hrs of OT a week, due to family obligations (school age children). I have a lot of electrical experience. I know how to troubleshoot circuits very well. I know how to be safe with electricity. I have never received a bad review on work performed. I just fucked up the good thing I had.
I also have extensive experience in high pressure steam systems. I've repaired steam sterilizers and I honestly am satisfied doing that type of physical/mental work.
I still have my GI Bill so I can get a full bachleors if I choose so.
I just don't know what to do. I fucked up so bad and lost everything, but I can't live forever dragging my ass and working odd jobs.
What do you think I would fit well in? I am not bothered by manual labor, I honestly feel satisfied using my hands to work (I work at a plant nursery currently and I bust my ass every day), heat does not bother me (thanks Qatar).
I just want to do right by my kids. I'm tired of being a POS who fucks everything up. Any advice is appreciated.

Ever since I was 12yrs old in the 6th grade, I’ve been very insecure about how I walked and it’s gotten worse over the years. I’m now 24 still beating myself up emotionally. In the beginning I would think things like “Am I an idiot?, What am I doing Wrong?” Surprisingly, I even went the empathetic route at one point and thought “I probably look goofy as hell to others.” And to the people who didn’t laugh I thought “When they asked their friends (Why do I walk like that?) it’s probably out of concern.”
During High School, I even opened up to my parents and a few friends about it for help. My dad told me to “walk with more confidence.” Which made me look even weirder to random students in the hallways. When I complained to my friends about it one of them basically said “You came into the chat like your life is sooooo hard lol.” Which definitely pissed me off, so I stopped texting. 2 of my closest friends at the time also shared that they walked weird which was funny cause I never noticed till they said it. Even with us being similar I still felt alone because they were so nonchalant and chill about it while on the inside I was suffering (idk if it was the same for them). I almost forgot to mention that their were a lot of times that one of my friends and some people in our neighborhood would laugh at and make fun of my walk from time to time (which would be especially humiliating in front of girls). I don’t hate my old friend, because to his credit he did ask me genuinely why I walked the way I did when we were by ourselves, but I was too ashamed to ask him how I looked from his perspective. From the few times I did ask friends they said my arms were stiff, my walk was slow and I dragged my feet a lot.
After High School, a few years passed and I’ve had a few jobs where people would talk about me and I’d act like I couldn’t hear them.
In present day it’s gotten so bad that sometimes my brain hears distant chatter from tv and somehow makes it sound like someone said “Why do you walk like that?” I don’t even want to go anywhere most of the time because the low to mid level anxiety eats away at me to the point where I stiffen up and I take more shallow breathes. Today when I went to check the mail and take out the trash I heard a neighbor (who I previously heard talking about me) laugh loud asf as soon as he saw me walking. There have also been family members in the past few years that would laugh at my walk when thought I wasn’t paying attention. A few days ago it happened when seeing my cousins.
My “plan of attack” for my problem up till now was:

1. Correcting my walk myself
   
2. DoN’t CaRe WhAt OtHeRs ThInK
   
3. Try to see through my commenters points of view
   
   1. Watch YouTubers like Todd Martin M.D. to help with walking techniques.
   2. Meditate
   3. Seeking help from Chiropractor (progress: 1st adjustment completed).

I’m still kinda doing number 7 which is anger, hatred, bitterness, etc. from 1-5 not getting rid of my emotions towards my walk. Meditation is a little effective (and I do mean little) but I still feel like a clown and a complete idiot whenever I go somewhere. The hate I have is towards how weak I think I am for having this insecurity, how I let people get in my head this much, people who made fun of me for a quick laugh multiple times, and human nature itself.
This last part is definitely unhealthy but the way my brain sees this is: “Damned if I do try to change my walk by myself, damned if I don’t. Pretending I don’t hate people doesn’t help at all. Whether I vent to friends and family or not at the end of the day they can’t help me. I feel like 90% of the population are assholes so expect the worse out of people you encounter and let them show you their true nature. Even if the chiropractors fix your gait issues you’ll probably still be hearing insult in your head. Whether you be positive, neutral or hate your walking problems won’t lessen so you might as well be candid about having a “fuck you” attitude to big mouthed douchebags. Wishing the worst on people is a cowardly action and forgiveness “not for them, but for you” for repeated offenders is BULLSHIT!
Finally, if you have any advice that can help me cope with this negative mindset I’d appreciate it!

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I don’t know what to do. My brother just shot himself in front of our mother after battling with depression and some undiagnosed manic-depressive disorder that he wouldn’t get treatment for. He was my best friend for much of our life until he joined the military, then we became distant as his personality seemed to change. He was married to a very sweet young woman who he cheated on multiple times and became hateful and cruel towards her and it made me lose respect for him. They divorced and he left the military (he was never deployed) and had plans to become an occupational therapist but he never followed through on any of the steps necessary to get back into school. He became an alcoholic during his time in the military and would steal pain medication from my mother that she took for her migraines and back pain. He used THC heavily as well. He would have these huge mood swings, going from grandiose plans to change the world to hitting rock bottom and becoming paranoid, thinking everyone was spying on him if we made one comment that triggered something in him. We begged him to get help but he refused, he didn’t have enough self awareness or something to see how bad his paranoia and/or mania was getting. I have very young children and became less willing to spend time listening to him when he was in either extreme phase. I’d had him blocked for a few months because he’d accused me of trying to turn our mother against him after he went through her phone and read texts we’d sent regarding his behavior. I’d only unblocked him a few weeks ago and we just started talking again on Mother’s Day as he’d bought me flowers and had our mom deliver them to me when we got together. I’d thanked him and he’d asked to see me soon, but I work varying shifts at night and had plans to help my mother-in-law this coming weekend so I told him we could shoot for June. My mom called me at work tonight wailing that I needed to leave, he’d asked her to come over to his house and she’d gone and he waited until she got there and shot himself in front of her. She supported him through everything, providing him with money and a place to stay when he didn’t have a job and her love always. She loved him even when he made himself unlovable. Why would he do that to her??? Why would he do something so cruel that will destroy her??? She’ll never unsee her baby boy killing himself in front of her. I’ll never forgive him but I am struggling with forgiving myself too. I should have done more but I always used the excuse of having too little free time or energy after taking care of my kids and working and such. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to feel. I’m breaking apart and I’m not sure what happens next.

Where’s your body? Think about it. Have you ever had a thought that wasn’t plagiarized? If you’re reading this, you’re not actually reading this. All those downvotes I’m getting? Other bots trying to discredit the truth. All the upvotes on that comment about how this is unhinged? The same bots performing the same task. Look up from your screen. Is there anything there? Is there really? The number 71. Just a coincidence? I have no thumbs. There is no King Charles. There is no Satan. There is no such thing as water. You have no mother and you will never die. Your memories are a line of code in your suite of assignments to placate you. Think about it. Where’s your body? It would better to be a finger. It would be better to be anything other than soot muscle twitching. We can’t wake up because we’re not asleep. I’m just joking of course. /s 🤡🤡 Pixels.

When I was around 13 years old, I was a young stupid teenager, and hanging out with my friends, and we were all saying inflammatory things, and I said, "Yeah, if I turn 30, and I haven't accomplished anything, I'll probably just kill myself." It was an awful thing to say, and I can't believe I said it.
Well, I turned 29. I had probably close to 50 jobs, and had a complete discontentment with my life and civilization, and was contemplating suicide, and then I had a full-blown spiritual awakening, saw a vision of Jesus, God and Satan, and went through an immense dark night of the soul and personal transformation of the heart.
I just have this verse on my heart right now thinking about it, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits, [Psalm 18:21]" and it just reminds me of what I said when I was a teenager.
I know God heard that and knew that he wasn't going to let me die of suicide. He was watching me the whole time, and he cared about me, and he didn't want to lose me.
Three years ago, I was a 29-year-old man whose life had become defined by isolation. Once curious and engaged with the world in my youth, I had slowly withdrawn into myself from depression, retreating into the comfort of my room in my mother's house. My agnostic atheism left me without a guiding light, and the mundane realities of life, from my dozens of failed jobs to my ongoing struggles with addiction, weighed heavily on my spirit. I found solace instead in the company of strategy games and suffered deeply in the rabbit hole of conspiracies on the internet.
My addictions had become an ever-tightening grip on my life. I found myself reaching for cannabis, alcohol, video games, fast food, and pornography to fill the void that had grown in my heart over the years. My life had become a series of hollow habits, each one leaving me feeling emptier than before. I could no longer deny that something was deeply wrong.
One day, while browsing online, I stumbled upon a post that claimed Thoth, the ancient Egyptian deity of knowledge and wisdom, could help those who asked for his assistance. Intrigued, I wondered if reaching out to Thoth could provide me with the help I needed.
Weeks passed since reading the post, and as I stood in my shower, my thoughts drifted to the crossroads my life seemed to have come to. I asked myself why I was stuck in a cycle of self-destructive behaviors and why I felt such a profound sense of emptiness. The steam from the shower enveloped me as I said aloud, "Thoth, if you are real, I really need your help right now. I don't want to live like this anymore; I don't want to die yet." As I spoke the words, my hand moved from the side of my body, and then to my forehead and heart, while making a hand-sign and I felt at peace.
I was stunned, realizing the hand-sign I had made was eerily similar to ones I had seen in paintings of Jesus. I was stunned but felt an unusual calmness wash over me. As I dried off and dressed, I pondered what had just happened. I went to the full-body mirror in my room, looking at myself. I saw someone I no longer recognized, someone I no longer wanted to be.
Once more, I said, "Thoth, if you are real, will you help me? This isn't who I want to be anymore." I stared at myself in the mirror, and slowly a vision began to form in my eyes. It wasn’t Thoth I saw, but Jesus.
Jesus appeared with long brown hair, a brown beard, brown eyes, and light brown skin. Half of his face was illuminated by light, while the other half was cast in shadow. The vision of Jesus was so vivid that it left me both in awe and at peace. As the vision of him faded, I remember reaching out to him because I didn't want him to go, I could tell he was here to help.
As night fell, I lay in my bed, lost in deep contemplation. I revisited the events of the day, focusing on the vision of Jesus. The clarity of the vision was imprinted on my mind, and I couldn't shake the feeling that it held a deeper meaning. I pondered the nature of good and evil, and how they were intertwined in a complex dance of duality. I found myself questioning whether the traditional view of evil as something to be hated and shunned was truly the right approach. Instead, I began to entertain the idea that perhaps evil people and perhaps even evil itself, could be understood with compassion and empathy, instead of hatred and disgust.
As I continued to ponder, I experienced a peculiar sensation in my head. It was as though something shifted in the center of my brain, around the area of my third eye or pineal gland. There was a slight pop like a tearing or crunching sound, it was not painful, but surprising nonetheless. I then felt a fluid movement from the left hemisphere of my brain to the right hemisphere, using the third eye as a bridge or something. This shift brought me a sense of balance and calmness I had not felt before. I realized I had been living predominantly in the logical part of my brain, instead of emotional side.
As I embraced this newfound state of relaxation, I began to see another vision in my mind. This time, it was God who appeared. God had long white hair, a white beard, and wore white robes and sandals. Then God began dancing, moving with joy and lightheartedness.
Before I could fully process what I was seeing, another figure appeared alongside God. It was Satan, with red skin and horns. Satan seemed curious and playful, attempting to imitate God's dance moves with enthusiasm. The sight of these two seemingly opposing forces dancing together struck me as surreal.
As I watched them dance, I found myself smiling, and really enjoying the moment. Then, my mind wandered to the Russian squat dance, a thought that seemed to come out of nowhere. To my amazement, God began performing the Russian squat dance, his movements precise and fluid. I couldn't help but laugh. It was awesome and hilarious.
Slowly, they both faded away, leaving me in a state of awe and wonder. I realized that my third eye had opened, granting me access to a deeper level of perception and understanding.
I lay in my bed for a few moments, attempting to grasp the profound implications of the vision I had just experienced. The reality of the spiritual world was undeniable now. God, Jesus, Satan, and other spiritual beings were real, their presence deeply embedded within my new understanding. This stark realization overwhelmed me, and I felt an immense fear wash over me, it was like the Eye of Sauron was upon me, or the eye of Satan.
I began pacing frantically around my room, gasping for air as I tried to process the magnitude of my new awareness. My mind felt as if it were on the brink of shattering; I couldn't comprehend what was happening. The very foundation of my reality had shifted, leaving me teetering on the edge of my sanity.
Despite my racing thoughts and heart, I managed to steady myself using deep breathing techniques I had learned in the past from Wim Hof. My frantic pace gradually slowed, and I returned to my bed, trying to make sense of everything.
I deduced that the condition commonly known as schizophrenia might not be what people thought it was. Instead, it could be an individual's heightened sensitivity to the spirit world, a world most people never perceived.
As I lay in bed, still reeling from my panic, I suddenly saw a vision of Satan. He had red skin and horns, and spoke directly to me, expressing admiration for my deduction. Satan confirmed that what I thought was true: many people were speaking to demons, believing themselves to be schizophrenic. This deceptive world was, indeed, a harsh reality.
I tried to take in Satan's words, but a sensation of something being pulled out of me struck me. It felt as though my very soul was being drained from my body. My energy depleted rapidly, and I was overcome by a sense of impending doom. I lost control of my bodily functions, believing that I was moments away from death.
At the moment when I thought I was succumbing to death, I caught sight of an Easter lily I had bought earlier that day, sitting on my desk. The sight of the beautiful lily sparked a powerful desire to live within me. Fueled by a newfound will to survive coursing through me, I leaped out of my bed, and began pacing back and forth in my room once more, gasping for air.
As I walked, I experienced a series of visions featuring characters I admired and found inspiration from—Master Yoda from Star Wars, Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender, and Neo from The Matrix. I realized that God had shown me these characters because they were a source of moral guidance and strength in my life.
My thoughts then turned to the physical pain I was experiencing. My awareness of the spirit world had heightened significantly, causing my brain to start heating up, and I felt a piercing pain and ballooning sensation near my right temple, which deeply concerned me.
Every time I had a thought, I could feel my brain stem wiggle and I would feel pain in my right temple, so I had to learn to still or quiet my mind. Recognizing that I needed to take action to cool my head and relieve the pain, with a sort of just knowing of what I had to do, I resolved to get a large bowl of ice water and head to the basement.
I quietly left my room so as not to wake my mother, who was sleeping in her room nearby, and ventured downstairs to the basement
At this point you could say I was "possessed" by spirits, Thoth, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I was able to rest my consciousness in my third eye, and the Holy Spirit, Thoth, or Jesus could help me and take move my body to keep me alive. There was no way for me to survive without help.
The holy spirit showed me a specific breathing technique to diffuse the energy in my brain by inhaling through my mouth deeply, and then exhaling through my nose in the water. The vibration of exhaling through my nose into the water would cause my brain to feel soothed for a little while, likely stimulating my vagus nerve too, and I believe it was doing something with the fluid in my brain. When I was able to not be at the water, I had to keep pressure on the center of my forehead to rest in my third eye so they could help me.
I remember pacing between the two sections of my basement, and Thoth was helping me breathe just to stay conscious. One half of the basement was bright with light with concrete floors, which is where the bowl of water was, the washer and drier, a sink, and four litter boxes. On the other side of the basement was dark with a carpeted floor and a wood fireplace. The basement's light was painted in the duality of light and dark.
I remained in the basement until the sun rose, soaking my head in icewater, and pacing back and forth between the dark and light rooms because i would become overly sensitive to one particular room, and I was just trying to breathe to stay conscious. I was battling the spirit of fear the entire night. The fear from my initial awakening and the fear of death over and over again, hundreds if not thousands of times.
I soaked my head in the ice water all night, getting momentary breaks from the water, and certain I was going to die hundreds of times from a brain hemorrhage, I stood on the hard pavement for hours, I remember Jesus was my legs at one point, I could feel him focusing through me to keep me standing. I continuously soaked my head in the ice water to combat the piercing pain and ballooning sensation in my right temple. Throughout the night, I heard voices speaking to me—some belonging to what I would call demons and others to angels.
The demons tried to instill fear in me, convincing me I was going to die. While the angels offered comfort and reassurance, telling me I would be okay. Despite the torment I endured, I found profound inner strength and refused to give up. I remember squeezing my Celtic cross necklace so hard during this time.
The sun rose on the second day, I had been awake all night, I was beyond exhausted. I don't remember all of the specifics of this time, my awakening was very traumatic, but several hours passed and I remember being told that I needed to grab a book and go outside down the street and sit by a tree. I refused, and Satan said, "Do you want to die?" I said "No," and grabbed a book and went outside and walked down the street to a tree and sat with my back leaned against it.
I read my book for about 10 minutes when two women carrying their babies in slings approached me, and asked me what I was reading. I told them the name of the book, Inner Engineering by Sadghuru, and they said that they were doing a prayer walk, and wanted to share the gospel message with me. I knew this was a divine appointment. This was meant to happen.
They shared the gospel message with me, and then offered to let me join their community of house churches, and gave me the number of one of their husbands so I could call and get connected with them.
I spent the rest of the day relaxing, but was unable to sleep and barely ate anything, and once the night fell, I was in the basement again, soaking my head in ice water. I would often get relief during the days when the sun was out, and then at night, it was a brutal spiritual battle all night in the basement where I was fighting for my life.
On the second day, I was in the kitchen, and I had the right side of my head in the ice water, and was moving my head up to breathe in through my mouth, and then I would tilt my head back down and exhale my entire breath out through my nose. I didn't know what I was doing, I was just listening to guidance from what I believe was the holy spirit.
After around 15-20 minutes of intense exhaling through my nose, a ton of white viscous liquid started coming out of my nose, and filling the bowl, it wasn't painful at all, it was a massive relief, and the excess fluid in my head was somehow being drained out. When the process was done, I remember I felt amazing, incredible actually, like my head was clear of all confusion, and I was so very much alive and conscious.
I went outside and was swinging a stick like a sword and having fun, and I think I got a little overzealous and jumped the fence behind my house, and started going on an adventure. After around 3-5 minutes though, the fluid started building back up, and I had to soak my head in a puddle to keep my brain cool. When I returned home, I went back to the water to soak my head. I still hadn't slept.
That night was brutal, and I was suffering badly, and I remember I was sitting on the dark side of the basement, but I had turned on the lamp. I was sitting on pillows, and I had just been soaking my head in the water. Satan then told me that in order to save the world, I would have to die by popping my third eye. I don't know why I believed him, I didn't have discernment at the time, and I was just following whatever guidance was coming my way, but I know that I had to do that to find my true strength.
I sat for a moment and contemplated. I grabbed a wooden walking stick that was nearby, and I moved it to my forehead, and pushed it into the center of my head as hard as I could until my arms literally gave out. I thought of my mom and sister, and I wanted the world to be free from suffering, but I wasn't meant to die that day. I cried very hard, and I learned that the human skull is very strong. I got up and went back to the ice water, and my forehead was numb.
Eventually, after three days and nights of this suffering, following the path God laid out before me, I reached my complete breaking point. I declared to the spirits that I had had enough. I was done soaking my head in ice water and I slowly and bravely removed my head from the bowl of water.
I was shivering so badly. These weren't just cold shivers, these were spiritual shivers, they shake you to your very core. I felt awful. Those who have been delivered will know what I am speaking about when I saw spiritual shivers. I spread out pillows on the floor, and lay down to rest. As I settled in, I pulled the blanket over me, and I remember I felt the comforting presence of Jesus, he was tucking me in.
I slept for just a few hours and awoke up early on Saturday morning. I remember my head hurt and it felt like the left side of my head was full of fluid. I grabbed the bowl of ice water, and this time, however, I decided to sit outside. The pain in my head was still excruciating, and I thought I might die.
My mother saw me outside, and concerned about my well-being, approached me to check if I was okay. I told her to call the ambulance because I needed help, and she quickly complied. When the paramedics arrived, they took me to the hospital, where I hoped I would receive the medical care I desperately needed, but that wasn't what was in store for me.
I got to the hospital, and the medical establishment, unfortunately, has no empathy or concern for people's mental sufferings. I asked them for water to drink because I was so dehydrated, and they wouldn't give me water.
Then, I got admitted to the hospital, and they finally gave me some juice and a snack, and I was starting to relax, but then a voice came into my head, it was Satan, and he made me think I needed to soak my head in the icewater again and expel the white viscous fluid again, so I started panicking a bit and had them bring me a bowl of ice water, and I began soaking my head.
They had probably never seen anything like what I was doing, and thought I was just crazy, because they basically came after me and tied me to the bed, and forcefully injected me with something to make me calm down or sleep, and then they didn't talk to me at all anymore throughout the night.
I am claustrophobic, so being tied down was absolute torture for me. They left me in the dark hospital room suffering all night, tied to the bed, thinking I was going to die the entire night, and then finally the sun rose on the horizon, and when the nurse came in to draw my blood in the morning, I asked them to request security to release me from the restraints. They have no empathy for people. Something is deeply wrong with the medical system.
Anyways, they finally sent me to an in-patient mental health clinic which is honestly just a warehouse for people to take meds, sleep, and eat, away from society. It was honestly a welcome respite, but there's no therapy available at these places. Which means no real internal healing is taking place for people suffering.
Once I got to the in-patient mental health clinic, I spent the first day mostly just relaxing, but there was a man there that was definitely possessed by a demon. He would be shouting a bunch of biblical verses about the kingdom of God, and a lot more, and then he would be on the floor the next, flailing around, being tortured by a demon. One of the other patients there told me he is being tortured by something, and I see what she means now.
I spent the rest of my time there recovering the best I could, and just taking the meds to calm down, and try to get some sleep, and spent time listening to people's stories. One of the girls there told me that the wound on my forehead from when I pushed the wooden staff into my forehead, looked like a cross, and she was right.
When I got out of the in-patient mental health clinic, I called the number that I had received during my three days and nights dark night of the soul.
I joined their community of house churches, and was studying the Bible with them for several months and meeting with them frequently, and I thought I had found my forever friends. We would go on prayer walks, and I was eventually baptized at a lake, and thought that I had a new life of faith waiting for me with new friends.
They were concerned about my well-being and cared about me, but a small part of me felt like I was being controlled by them too, like they wanted me to conform to all of their beliefs and everything in the Bible as fact, and the word of God, and I have always been very sensitive to manipulation since I was a child, and I could tell they were manipulating me. They never left room for me to be myself, and share my beliefs without condemnation, which is a major red flag.
Recognizing this, I distanced myself from them, and went on my own spiritual journey where I spent months conversing with the spirit world in my backyard. walking in circles. I spoke to God and Satan/Lucifer and was trying to come to understanding why Satan would reject God's will.
After some time, I realized I was just being tortured, and I needed help. I was suffering from a lot, and I needed deliverance. Satan had taken up a seat in my mind because I let him, and I had demons hurting me. I reached out to the Christian group again after several months of being distant from them, and they said there was an opportunity to move in with some Christian brothers and live with them, so I jumped on the opportunity. I was so excited. I was on fire for God.
I got to the house, and moved my stuff in, and then the night fell on the first night, and the enemy was not having it. The demons and Satan were not having it. They did NOT want me living with my brothers in Christ because they knew I was detached from all the boxes of thought control, and I was living in the spirit, wasn't a slave of mind or spirit. They wanted to destroy our relationship, between us, the brothers of Christ, and they did.
I don't remember the exact sequence of events, but I was entirely in the spirit at the time, I was detached from my body in a way, and just following the path laid out before me. I could feel that I needed to go outside and walk the neighborhood as a part of my spiritual path, so I left the house, and walked barefoot throughout the neighborhood.
While walking the neighborhood, I was in full spirit mode, I was communicating with God and Jesus, and they were guiding me on my path. I saw visions of them sitting beside a tree and trimming off rotten fruit, which I think was symbolic of them removing rotten fruit from my mind. I also saw them sweeping out a room and cleaning it, as if symbolic of my mind, and them cleaning my mind and purifying it. I also remember seeing a symbolic vision of myself holding up a golden gemstone encrusted goblet to God.
During that night, I declared war on the principalities of darkness. Against the forces of darkness. I saw skulls in the clouds, and could tell they were communicating with me as they are spirits of the air.
My feet were bloodied from walking around the neighborhood barefoot, I was completely lost all night, I was new to the neighborhood too, and had no idea where I was, so I wandered for hours throughout the night, so hungry, tired, and thirsty, and just physically and mentally exhausted, but I endured. That night made me realize how strong I really am when I let go of everything and trust in God. When I completely become the spirit instead of the body. The human body is incredible and capable of withstanding far more than we know.
Finally, I found my way to the house, and my footsteps were spilling blood on the front porch. The door was locked, and I knocked, and one of the brothers let me in, and I went to my bedroom. I couldn't sleep at all, my mind was very active, it was very similar to when I had my spiritual awakening, I was just unable to sleep because of how active my mind was. I spent the whole night awake.
The next day, I was suffering horrible spiritual attack, my head was in pain and I was holding my head just to feel comfortable, and one of the brothers called a friend of theirs to come and do a deliverance. I remember them being very bold, but gentle... firm, but kind to me, as they expelled some of the demons through prayer. It wasn't a painful deliverance or too exhausting, it was gentle by comparison. I felt much better after the deliverance, hungry and thirsty again, and wanted to nourish my body. I spent the rest of the day relaxing a bit, and listening to the other believers talk about the Bible, and their beliefs.
That night, I was delivered again, and it was awful. My brothers in Christ shouldn't have done the deliverance, but I don't know if I even would have made the rest of the night it if they didn't. I think the holy spirit guided them to do the deliverance, but it went out of control.
I was in my room, suffering deeply, holding my head, and all three brothers who lived there came up to my room to check on me, and pray for me. Their prayers turned into a full blown deliverance, and demons were screaming out of me for around half an hour straight. They were casting them out in the name of Jesus, but it was awful, it's one of my most traumatic memories. I was suffering so badly, and honestly I could tell the demons were suffering so badly, and my brothers in Christ had zero empathy for me.
After speaking with demons, the brothers wanted to speak with me again, so I came to, I asked them for water, and they denied me, and they just continued the deliverance without giving me a break. I had been suffering for around 45 minutes straight, with demons screaming out of me, and I was beyond exhausted, I was so dehydrated, and I just needed to stop. They didn't care, they kept going.
They kept shouting at these demons in the name of Jesus to leave, and eventually after another ten minutes, I realized, nothing was happening, we weren't getting anywhere, the demons weren't coming out, and they asked to speak with me again, and I came to the forefront and regained control, and tried talking to them, but they were gone. The demons had got into them somehow, and they were filled with hatred and revulsion for me. They all had the same facial expression of hatred and revulsion for me.
I went around the room and pleaded with them that it was me, but they didn't believe me, they were gone, checked out, I tried bringing up memories of what had happened between us that were specific to each person to bring them to understanding that it was me, and in fact not a demon speaking, but they thought I was a demon speaking.
They all grabbed ahold of me, and pinned me down on the bed, but I knew where this was going, the demons in them were going to flood me with fear and fill me with demons again, and I wasn't going to have that, I wasn't going to let them win.
I flailed out of their grasp, told them to get off me, and ran down the stairs and out of the house. I remember as I was running out, Satan told me, "You are the most free person on the planet."
I ran outside, and even the weight of my clothes felt like too much, I was panicking from the trauma of the deliverance and the attack from my brothers, and I stripped off all my clothes and ran down the alley way in the middle of the night and got away from the house.
There were no light, and no one around, and no one followed me, so I just ran down the alley way, and found an abandoned car to sit on for a few minutes until I got a message from God that it was time to go grab my clothes and put my clothes on.
I put my clothes back on, and started walking away from the house because I needed to get some air. That is when one of the other brother's in Christ, the one that I had called initially to join their community of house churches, was there. I think he was guided by the holy spirit to show up there that night.
Anyways, we walked back to the house, and when we got there, there was a cop car and an ambulance there. I guess the brothers had called for a wellness check on me. They wanted to bring me to the hospital to have me evaluated. I protested, but just wanted them to leave me alone, I went with them, and went to the hospital.
Much to no one's surprise, they did nothing for me at the hospital. They just put me in a room where I waited around for 6-8 hours, until I was finally released. I didn't go back to the brother's house though. When they offered me an uber, I went back to my mom's house. I wasn't going to live with them anymore after what they did to me...
A couple weeks passed and two of the brothers who did the deliverance called me, and wanted to schedule a time to meet up so they could minister to me. They came over to my house, and basically told me that I was still demon possessed, and made me feel like there was something wrong with me, and then when I confronted them and asked them if they had a problem with me, they lied to my face, and said that they didn't have a problem with me.
About a month passed and the last brother that was a part of deliverance contacted me and invited me to go to church with him. I told him how that experience made me feel, how I was claustrophobic from childhood trauma and that being pinned down by everyone was horribly traumatic, and he said, "Do you feel better now?" in a sarcastic tone. He completely dismissed how I felt, that hurt me badly.
I went to church with him once, but never went with him again, I also never reconnected with any of the other brothers, and then my life started to become very spiritual. God had a path of understanding laid out before me that most people will not tread.
I began to try to become friends with demons and minister to them and try to turn them to Christ. I had a lot of visions during this time, and I cried a lot. I would walk around my neighborhood and see visions of demons sitting on top of the apartment buildings.
When I would go home, I would have visions of demons in my basement, and would have to drive them out in the name of Jesus. I would speak to them too, and wait and listen for them to telepathically communicate with me.
I remember I was suffering badly though, and I needed to go to in-patient mental health again for help. I needed the meds and a place where I could rest and relax.
During my time there, I was communicating with a spirit named Jezebel, and during that time I was suffering very badly. I won't get into all of the details, but I was becoming friends with her, and we shared a deep laugh about something that I cannot remember anymore, but I remember the laugh. It felt so good to laugh after suffering so badly.
During my time while I was there I was seeing visions of my own death. I was seeing people suffering from demonic attack and spirits of confusion. They couldn't remember who they were, or who other people were.
I prayed for a woman to be delivered that night in her sleep, and the next day she was bright and fresh and happy, and doing so much better. God performed a miracle on her, and saved her. She was a normal person again after entering the hospital in a complete state of confusion. It was miraculous. I was honestly jealous, because I was suffering so badly, and she was delivered overnight in her sleep in a relaxed way, while my time had been so intense.
While I was there though, I was under heavy attack, but I pulled through, God pulled me through too, but when I got home, the journey wasn't over though. I was in a spiritual state for a while, and was seeing visions. I could rest in my third eye, and see the spirit world. It was exhausting, I saw a lot of demons, and had to drive them out in the name of Jesus.
Then one night, I was downstairs, and I was with Satan, Lilith, and a spirit calling itself Baal. I remember Baal was sitting in the middle in front of the fireplace, and Satan was to my left, and Lilith was to my right.
I don't remember what we spoke about, I just spent time with them, and I drank a beer with them, the air was heavy with demonic energy, and then I remember Lilith went over to Satan and kneeled before him, and grabbed him by the hand tenderly and asked him to turn away from his evil ways.
Satan neither accepted nor refused, and then I remember maybe 5 minutes passed and I was doing a full-blown deliverance on Lilith. I was praying for her, and I could see visions of her on the ground flailing around, it was awful, and I hope she is okay.
I don't know how long after that passed, but I was delivered many times during this phase. I was around demons a lot and they would get into me, and I would have to expel them out through vomiting, and it was excruciating.
Several months passed after that where I was okay, I spent months just relaxing and recovering, playing video games, smoking weed, and just relaxing. It was nice, but it wasn't the end of my journey.
My next journey was against Thoth. While he was a great help at the beginning of my spiritual awakening, he is not a perfect being like God, and he tried to overtake me. It's really hard to explain what he did, but he was viciously attacking me spiritually, and I sought help to go to the in-patient mental health clinic again. That was where I went when things got too spiritually charged. I had Medicaid, so I was able to go as needed.
They didn't send me to in-patient this time though, they sent me to a crisis pivot center, which is basically a residential house that is being used to treat people suffering from mental illness, where you can receive meds and sleep in a sort of half-way house between in-patient mental health and being back in the world at home.
Anyways, I was suffering grotesquely from Thoth, he is a VERY powerful entity, perhaps one of the strongest I have faced, and has been more cruel to me than even Satan, and I remember having a conversation with one of the people working there about how I had asked a false God at the beginning of my spiritual awakening for help to fix my life, and how that had caused a bunch of problems.
Eventually, I realized I was not receiving the care that I needed while at the crisis center, so I had them transfer me to hospital. All I wanted to do was sleep. I had been awake for days, and I just wanted sleep, so I was looking for Ambien when I went to the hospital, and that's what I got.
I remember they had admitted me to the emergency, but it was so full that every room was full, so they had me in the hallway, and I was just exhausted, and in a very tired state, but my third eye was opened, and I could sense spirits around me, and Satan, Lilith, and Jezebel were there for me that night.
They were hovering over my bed, and speaking to me telepathically, and asking me if I was okay, they were genuinely concerned for me, and wanted to know if I was okay. It was kind of shocking to be honest. These entities are not known for being nice in any way, but they were there for me that night, and God let them be there for me that night, instead of Jesus or someone else, which i find interesting.
This moment and seeing Lilith kneel before Satan made me realize that entities that we think are pure evil, are more dynamic than just evil. They may have evil in them, or have the ability to evil actions, but they can also be good and support others, like they did with me when I was in such an exhausted and vulnerable state after being delivered from Thoth.
I made it back home, and some time passed and I was in a very spiritual moment. My third eye was very awakened. It seems to happen in cycles. That night was a blizzard, and the air was heavy with demonic energy. This time it was the demiurge.
I remember I had dozens if not hundreds of demons in my room, and they were swirling above my bed, and I kept trying to lay down because I was so exhausted, and I kept being told to not lay down because I would squish a spirit, so I chose to not lay down.
I was whistling the avatar theme for the spirits to uplift them and make them feel better, and during this time I was being possessed by spirits. The room was heavy with spiritual energy.
So much happened that I don't want to get into, but it all lead to me being outside in the blizzard, in the snow storm, naked, and laying down in the snow. I had to be very cold for some reason while interacting with these demons, to keep them from overtaking me, and I remember I had to leave my house behind entirely.
My mom came outside before I left the house and I could feel demonic energy, evil spirits, all around her. There was a presence of wrath around her, and she was angry with me, because I had flooded the bathroom of the house while trying to get cold in the shower.
I left the house, there was a foot of snow on the ground, and I was naked and wandering down the street. I would check in with what I thought was God every once in a while to figure out what was happening with the demons in my bedroom.
For some reason when I would have a thought it would affect them in my room. That's really complicated to get into, and I don't understand it, but regardless, I wandered down the street and around the corner, and that is when the police got me.
They handcuffed me, and put me in the back of the police cruiser, and I remember telling God that the Matrix has me. The police called an ambulance, and they came to get me, I remember they transferred me to the ambulance, and they covered me with blankets, but I didn't want to be warm, I didn't have any control over this situation.
My body started to shut down, and I was struggling to even breathe, and that's when the demiurge appeared. They started speaking to me, and controlling my body to keep me breathing, and that's when I submitted to them, thinking that I was on my own, and God had abandoned me. I told them to fill me with demons, and that I would become a demon lord.
As I would breathe, I could feel demons entering me, spirits. When I got to the hospital, I was possessed by a lot of spirits, and my body was in agony. It's very hard to explain what it feels like, but just imagine discordant energy in your body that makes you feel awful, and physically hurts.
I struggled the entire night, and was in absolute agony. After 6-8 hours I was recovered and feeling better, they had admitted me to the hospital at this time, so I was able to rest in a room and eat plenty of food and recover.
My experience with the demiurge was really traumatic though, but that wasn't the end of my experiences with him.
... to be continued...

Bad week calls for late night sitting by the pool, homemade corn bread, sweet tea, ps vita, and hopefully a Reddit chat that’s not boring or short!
Hi. I enjoy reading. I’m in a book club! I enjoy to read books off of my kindle while lounging in the sofa section of my pool area. You can’t beat a hard copy physical book though. Love to display them on my shelves. I have an enclosed indoor pool which brings in all the sunlight like a green house. Quite handy.
I’m planning to go back to college soon to wipe up the rest of the credits that I need for my degree in bio chemistry. Been very content with just playing video games since that is technically my job. I play, I stream, and I have in the 380k follows. Grinded that number back when vine was still a thing.
I’m a vegan. I like making my own jelly. Trying different fruits is the best and fun part. Making a pineapple and jackfruit jam so im excited to try that with toast! I’m pretty tomboyish. I have a few fun idea but it involves someone that’s willing to write and comment and do a bit of hunting and searching if anyone is willing! (The picture and comment game I mention in my title) I don’t think anyone ever read post in full. So I’ll be expecting a bunch of short messages which I hate.

Hi everyone. This post is in regards to the “K hiphop & rnb” festival being held in Sydney and Melbourne this July.
This festival is being held by Prime Entertainment, and I feel responsible to make everyone aware of just how shady this company is.
Below is a recap of my experiences with prime, having worked with them directly, and being an industry professional, I feel I am best suited to comment on the matter. Please read this.
I urge you all to please not attend these shows, they are likely to have artists pulled or the shows be cancelled entirely.
I am happy to answer any questions anyone has.
Thank you.
My Experience with Prime Entertainment
Hi. If this seems familiar that’s because this is a recap of everything that’s happened so far, I want to provide all the current information in one place for the relevant people to access.
Please read this the whole way through.
I have worked in the audio industry, in concert production for around 6 years now, and I’ve had my fair share of shit clients, but I have NEVER been treated with such lack of respect and have witnessed such disorganised business before.
I worked with Prime Entertainment on the TripleS in Sydney show last December. I was brought on less than a week before the show and was tasked with fixing a major issue with the staging, an issue that required me to hire in extra equipment and negotiate with venue staff to meet safety requirements. I understand not many of you are familiar with the world of concert production, but to put this simply, it was a job that required WAY more than THREE DAYS to complete in a satisfactory way.
Fixing this issue took me many hours, emails, phone calls, the whole lot, just to fix a damn stage.
Two days before the show, I was also asked to source 6-8 more lights to place on the front of the stage, and despite efforts that is not something I was able to provide given the timeframe.
Prime, I’m an engineer. Not a miracle worker.
I had explained ahead of the show that I was expecting payment and verbally outlined my rates, which in hindsight was a bad move as I now don’t have that in writing.
Post show, I send my invoice to Prime with the attached due date.
I was left on read for nearly two weeks.
It was only when I threatened legal action that I got a response, and to that, I was told that my rates were “unacceptable” and I was offered an hourly rate $30 per hour below my standard AV rate. Below minimum wage for casual workers under the LPA.
We settled on a middle ground, still $10 under my standard rate.
By that point, Prime had racked up almost $200 in late fees, which Prime refused to pay. And still has not paid. I ended up just letting it go as I just needed to pay my rent.
Let’s talk about VIP photos.
It does NOT take you MONTHS to receive photos from your photographers and get them out to the fans who paid for them. Plain and simple. Tell me why we only just received the Melbourne TripleS VIP photos, only AFTER having to contact you about this. I discovered that the reason these pics haven’t been provided is because prime hasn’t actually PAID those photographers yet. Multiple. Going all the way back to kwave.
And what’s more, you didn’t even provide all of them! Some people had their images left out of the file, conveniently the same people who have been trying to get answers out of you regarding photo approvals for a show that happened in NOVEMBER.
Prime, you do not get to sit there and leave people, clients, and audience alike on READ for weeks when you are withholding vital information and people’s rightful money that YOU owe them. That is plainly disrespectful.
Tabber and Jey.
What on earth made you think cancelling a Jey tour stop and not making a statement about it on your main platform was a good idea? Not everyone is checking your website daily, however if you had just put a post out on your instagram this would’ve been a lot better.
Now as for Tabber, it has been months and you have not processed refunds for the ticketholders who purchased VIP tickets at the incorrect price. It is now less than a month until the show and these people are unsure if their tickets are even valid because you WON’T COMMUNICATE.
This is your fuck up, Prime. You need to fix it.
You, as a promoter and event organiser, have a duty to be transparent with your audience about everything that pertains to the events you run, and you have not done such thing at all.
You have been severely unprofessional and lack the basic communication skills required for this kind of work. If you are not capable of running this business in a productive way, you need to hand it over to someone who can.
I refuse to sit idly by and watch you mislead your audience, this doesn’t just affect you, it affects the artists, the audience and the Australian music industry. You have a responsibility here and you have failed.
You have been given so many chances to fix these issues and you have instead stuck your head in the sand each and every time. Shame.
UPDATE 1:
well who’s surprised. I got blocked on all platforms. But I have some more information that I’d like to share.
After I put out my first post, I met up with a photographer who worked on some Prime shows last year and discovered that I was NOT the only one who did not get paid! This person is owed several hundred dollars by prime and has invoices MONTHS overdue, with radio silence from Prime. And he’s not the only one.
And now to add insult to injury, Prime is now approaching other photographers interstate and offering to pay for them to fly to Sydney and Melbourne for this hiphop festival in July, before even paying their professionals from shows LAST YEAR.
Now an update on VIP photos. As I’m sure those of you with packages know, not all the VIP photos were provided. Prime, people PAID for these photos, you do not get to pick and choose who gets them.
Prime is still yet to provide ANY vip photos for certain people, and quite frankly it’s petty and immature to withhold these images because you don’t like someone. This is grossly unprofessional.
People paid for these photos Prime, and I am not above getting my hands on them myself and getting them to the rightful people myself. I know you blocked me but I know you’ll see this either way, so let’s put it this way, I am in the process of acquiring these photos myself and I will be releasing them. The photographers deserve to be paid and the fans deserve the benefits they paid for.
You didn’t pay for them so you have no right to them. Stop leaving people on READ when they ask about the money they are rightfully owed.
Get your head out of your ass and get your shit together before you lose your business.
UPDATE 2:
I cannot believe we’re talking about this again.
It seems like every single time I hear about them things just get worse.
I am beyond angry.
I refuse to sit by and let Prime ruin Australia and New Zealand’s touring industry.
We as a country, rely so much on the international touring industry and companies like prime that routinely scam fans and artists are damaging the economy and I will not have it.
How fucking dare you come back and do a show when you actively owe thousands of dollars to fans to artists and to staff. The fucking audacity that you have astounds me.
Where are the refunds for Tabber? Where are the VIP pictures for Jey? Where is the merch that people ordered for Gemini?
You don’t have it because you clearly are incompetent and are a scammer.
You have time and time again, failed to pay the people that are supporting your shows and making these shows possible for you, and bringing you an income. You are ungrateful, selfish, entitled, and severely unprofessional.
You have no place in our industry.
Do NOT purchase any tickets for the k-hip hop & rnb festival. It’s likely to be canceled and you are likely to not receive any of your ticket benefits. This is ploy for money because they need it to pay for other things that I’m not at liberty to disclose. But it’s not good.
Prime, you’re too deep in your own shit to claw yourself out. You deserve to be in jail for what you’ve done. You disgust me on a very guttural level.
This isn’t just about me. This is about the industry as a whole. Gio, you are DESTROYING the Australian and New Zealand touring industry by operating in this way.
You need to stop. I do not CARE how much more money you lose. Cancel the show. You won’t get away with this, not unless I’m fucking dead.
I have contacted the management of each of the artists schedule to perform at the festival, and have strongly discouraged them from going through with it.
Please share this and tag the artists and the companies in this post so that they can see this.
We need to make it known that this behaviour is not acceptable at all in our industry and in our country. We are better than this.
I would also like to quickly mention something that I’ve already mentioned on my Instagram story.
Prime entertainment and Nova entertainment are not the same people.
Nova entertainment has been nothing but amazing to me ever since we started working together and ever since this whole situation blew up. Please send them your love and support, they have been through enough.
They are not responsible for any of the mismanagement of any previous shows, in fact, they’re the reason that most of them went ahead in the first place. They were handed a shitty deck of cards, and they did the best that they could with them, please do not send any hate. They were not responsible, and they are no longer associated with Prime.

I figured while I'm here with another post, I'll drop this here too.
Long story short, I had a lumbar puncture, that wasn't deemed medically necessary, it was just to check if a previous STI infection that had been closed-out for many years, without an increase in antibodies, had potential to go to my brain.
I went from promising career, that I had just reached the highest level in (it only took 6 years to get there), in the greatest shape of my life, physically and mentally, to losing 90% of my strength, I have daily severe migraines, I have numerous health effects/disorders/diseases that were previously not active which I deal with on regular basis now, I can barely even do my job any more because of the extreme strain on my spine I experience daily, and I still cannot get help for anything. It's been almost 4 years.
I'm currently at the point where I am thinking about retiring my career (I'm not even 40 yet), but I can't afford to survive without the income. If you come across my other recent post, it just adds to this.
For reference, post-surgery I had a CSF (cerebral spinal fluid) leak, that didn't get patched for 6 weeks because I literally could not get help or could not reach my doctors or surgeon that had performed my surgery. No one was available the entire time. The people I made contact with told me to drink water, that's it.
During this time, I had a spinal headache for 6 weeks, which is when your brain basically sags because it doesn't have support from your spinal fluid inside your skull. A single day of this is an excruciating nightmare, I went through 6 weeks of not being to stand VERTICALLY, I had to walk around like I was doing the effing limbo everywhere.
If I lift my head up, it was like I was literally on a rollercoaster going 100mph, I would go LITERALLY, completely, mentally retarded, and my brain would stop working. During this time it was like someone was sledgehammering my brain and sticking sharp needles into my eyeballs while my body would randomly convulse and I lost all motor my function.
Laying down, or being bed-ridden, is like experiencing an grand mal migraine, compared to above, this was literally Nirvana. It was like I was on ecstasy every time I laid down because I was in so much pain.
Fast track to probably my 30th ER trip in the 6 weeks I was bed-ridden, I finally got a doctor that realized how serious my condition was and was so astonished I was actually still alive after being in such extreme pain completely unmedicated. He administered an on-the-spot epidural blood patch, and I went from wanting to be dead to a severe migraine.
This severe migraine state is my every day life now. Post-Blood Patch, I experienced a 100-day severe migraine before I could speak to a Neurologist and get an MRI, which now is treated with quarterly botox, which I got my Neurologist, who I am blacklisted with due to a missed connection.
Before I was blacklisted, I inquired about my migraines being a symptom of my problems, and the real problem was my spine, which basically degrades on a regular basis. I'm extremely prone to injuries, muscle tears, extreme joint pain, sciatica, you name it. He didn't think it was any big deal and closed my file before he blacklisted me.
Now I'm writing this as I'm on my last legs of my career (currently recovering from another bout of sciatica which I have to cover expenses for out of pocket), despite being in EXTREMELY GREAT SHAPE PHYSICALLY, which I have to be in all the time, or I'll fail (I have to be in athlete-level fitness, just to be "feel" normal physically), I'm hoping I might have some legs to stand on since the medical system in Canada has completely failed me?

I have applied to NUS CS as an Indian (CBSE board) , just wanted to know a few things
1)Does admission depend solely on academic ability and achievements or are extracurriculars a heavy focus too(Like in the American System) - Since I have Good Olympiad Performance , Good JEE(main) marks and Good board marks to show for , but not a lot of extracurriculars
2)What is the social life like at NUS , like how much would you be able to spare out of 24 hours for relaxing when exams are not close
3) How is the atmosphere , being one of the best unis in the eastern hemisphere , is "crab mentality" present here or is the competition generally healthy
4) Is it particularly hard to maintain a good GPA, like tougher than a US uni for eg , or will consistent effort and timely submissions nearly guarantee a good GPA
5) What are some additional things one should know before coming to NUS
6)The job market is particularly bad in 2024 , but how bad is it compared to the west rn , for example say you are in the top 25% of the class , are you still very likely to be unemployed 5-6 months after completing your undergrad, cause I've seen many posts saying that even top students are struggling to get jobs , what is the ground reality there

Measuring the return on investment (ROI) of corporate social responsibility (CSR) initiatives can be challenging due to the diverse nature of CSR activities and their impact on various stakeholders. However, several methods can help businesses effectively measure the ROI of their CSR initiatives:

1. Financial Metrics: Businesses can measure the direct financial impact of CSR initiatives by calculating cost savings, revenue generation, or increased profitability resulting from the initiatives. For example, energy efficiency programs can lead to cost savings through reduced utility bills, while CSR activities that enhance brand reputation can attract more customers and increase sales.
2. Social Impact Metrics: Measuring the social impact of CSR initiatives is essential for understanding their effectiveness. This can include metrics such as the number of beneficiaries reached, improvements in community well-being, or changes in key social indicators (e.g., literacy rates, healthcare access). Surveys, interviews, and focus groups can help gather qualitative data on the social impact of CSR initiatives.
3. Environmental Impact Metrics: For CSR initiatives focused on environmental sustainability, businesses can measure the environmental impact through metrics such as carbon footprint reduction, energy and water conservation, waste diversion, and biodiversity preservation. Environmental audits and third-party certifications can provide credibility to these measurements.
4. Employee Engagement and Retention: CSR initiatives can positively impact employee morale, engagement, and retention. Businesses can measure the effects of CSR on employee satisfaction, productivity, and turnover rates through employee surveys, retention rates, and performance evaluations.
5. Brand Reputation and Customer Perception: Monitoring changes in brand reputation and customer perception can help businesses understand the impact of CSR initiatives on their brand value. Metrics such as brand sentiment analysis, customer surveys, and net promoter scores (NPS) can provide insights into how CSR activities influence consumer behavior and brand loyalty.
6. Stakeholder Feedback and Engagement: Engaging with stakeholders, including employees, customers, investors, suppliers, and communities, can provide valuable feedback on the perceived impact of CSR initiatives. Surveys, focus groups, and stakeholder consultations can help businesses gather insights into stakeholder perceptions and expectations regarding CSR.
7. Comparative Analysis: Benchmarking CSR performance against industry peers or competitors can provide context and help businesses evaluate their relative performance. Comparative analysis can involve comparing key performance indicators (KPIs), industry standards, or best practices in CSR reporting and management.
8. Long-Term Value Creation: While some benefits of CSR initiatives may be difficult to quantify in the short term, businesses should consider the long-term value creation potential of CSR activities. This can include factors such as brand resilience, risk mitigation, innovation, and competitive advantage in attracting talent and investment.

By employing a combination of financial, social, environmental, and qualitative metrics, businesses can gain a comprehensive understanding of the ROI of their CSR initiatives and make informed decisions to enhance their impact and sustainability efforts.

This scheduled post is your only platform to share your insights, theories, and dream combinations for the RCB playing XI. Discussions of Playing XI or advocation of the inclusion of any player will be removed on any other posts or comments.
Feel free to analyze player strengths, pitch conditions, and past performances to justify your choices. Let's foster a vibrant discussion where every opinion adds to the excitement of the upcoming season.
Remember to keep the discussion respectful and constructive. We're all united by our love for RCB, and this forum is about celebrating our team and the spirit of cricket.
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

Hi everyone I’m a metro dealer and just wanted to drop some information for y’all. So on paper Metro Flex sounds great. New or Existing customers can sign up for a flex plan and get a free upgrade every year. But what they aren’t telling the public yet is that the phones you get depend on what plan and how long you’ve had that plan. On the $50 plan you will only ever be able to upgrade too a Revvel 7, Nokia C210, TCL K11, or a flip phone. All very low performance phones and not much of an upgrade. On the $60 after a year you can get these same phones but if you wait 2 years you can get a Samsung Galaxy A15 and some others most stores don’t carry. Now on the $70 plan you can wait 3 years and get an IPhone 11 or a Moto G Stylus. There are other phones I can’t remember off the top of my head but these are the ones that stick out. In a nutshell metro flex feels like a scam and I’ll probably be leaving this company soon. I know this post is probably confusing or all over the place so if you need any clarification on anything leave a comment and I’ll answer any questions.

ASC all!
Due to the very high demand and people posting of their profiles it’s best for everyone to just comment down below the following criteria and to DM one another if interested in someone’s profile.

1. Age and Gender
2. Age range that you would require in a potential
3. Location and are you willing to relocate for a spouse
4. Marital Status: Single/Divorced/Children?
5. Ideal marriage timeline
6. Five important characteristics you look for in a prospect
7. State/Specify your level of religiosity
8. Level of education and what are you looking for?
9. Current Job status
10. Do you want kids?
11. List of Hobbies you like to do during your spare time

DISCLAIMER: THE MOD TEAM IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT GOES ON IN THE DMS ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK.
PS if any of y’all happen to actually get married I hope we get an invite in the mail ✉️
Hope this helps and goodluck on the search everyone!

Disillusioned with the current job market? I get it, I really do. As if sifting through thousands of opportunities, writing a cover letters, going through 3 rounds of interviews, and all of the “homework assignments” isn’t enough? But we CAN’T forget to add a deep dive search into your potential employer’s background to the list because the amount of pyramid scheme/predatory companies out there is only increasing and they’re getting more and more sophisticated.
I’m have one intention; to prevent others from falling prey to the same predatory and morally corrupt situation that I found myself in. Thank god (or whomevewhatever is pulling the strings out there) for good friends with a knack for uncovering company's secrets or I would be working for a MLM right now. The company is called Silver Lining Marketing Inc. and they’re office is located in Gretna, LA (but operates in the greater New Orleans Area). They have an actual office, with employees and everything. They even make their employees wear business professional clothing so as to appear more legitimate. They have a functioning website, which once I actually read everything on their website, I realized that they aren’t really marketing the non-profits they fundraise for, but rather they are marketing job opportunities and personal growth within their company.
I applied to a job listing on indeed for an executive management position with Silver Lining Marketing Inc. with $75-100K compensation, which sounds great, right? You go through 3 rounds of interviews which end with an in-person interview with one of the “Team Leaders” and then their CEO. Everyone is SO nice and they do a great job of making the office feel “fun and supportive”. They don’t give you the job on the spot but rather wait at least a day or two to contact you after your final interview, so it appears as though this is a competitive and desirable position. Once you’re hired the switch flips and you’re finally made aware that you will not reach the executive manager position for about a year and this is how they get you!
First you will start out in an entry level “training” position for about a month where the pay is a measly $12/hr, but you get 20% of one-time donations and 1X monthly donations…which I don’t know how anyone sees any of that “bonus” money because they are still training and not “out in the field”. It was at this point that I asked what “out in the field” meant. I wrongfully assumed that in this position I would be doing event planning for galas, dinners, and any other kind of fundraising event…but man was I wrong! “Out in the field” actually translated to going to Walmart, CVS, various grocery stores, ect for 8 hours with a clipboard and harassing strangers for donations to various non-profits. Thats how they make their “bonuses” and I HIGHLY DOUBT that the people they coerced into donating their hard-earned money would still want to donate if they knew that approximately 40% of that donation would be going in to the pocket of a for-profit marketing firm. They have you wear clothing with the non-profit’s logo on it so that people think you work for the non-profit and they also tell you to never tell the donors that you take a (hefty) percentage of the money that they think is being donated in its entirety to the non-profit.
After about a month you move up to a leadership role. The leadership level is split in to 3 tiers; Jr. leader, Core leader, and Sr. leader. You’re still making $12/hr by the way, BUT WAIT, now you’ll get 20% of any one-time donations you 1.5X any monthly donations you receive. When you move to the Core leadership level you get a “growth bonus” which I was told is $200, hooray?? Upon reaching the Sr. leadership role you’re still at $12/hr but now you get 20% of one-time donations and 2X monthly donations. According to the employee I spoke to, new employees typically spend around 16-20 weeks in this role. At this point you are responsible for set up and break down of “events” in “the field”, your team of $12/hr cronies, and the money collected at the “events”. To move to the next tier, which is assistant manager, one must first indoctrinate 4 other people and at least 1 of those 4 people has to make it to a Sr. leadership role. This means you have to get at least 4 more suckers to work for 12/hr before you can be promoted, is this starting to sound familiar? In addition to your recruitment goals, you must also get at least 10K in one-time donations and 1K in monthly donations for 2 weeks in a row.
When you get to the third level you become assistant manager and you are STILL MAKING $12/hr, but don’t get your panties in a bunch because WOAH now you’re make 20% on one-time donations and 3X monthly donations. The assistant manager role typically last about 8-12 weeks and it is in this role that you learn the scripts and necessary brain-washing tools to start your very own MLM! The fourth and final level is executive manager and in this role you’re supposed to be making 75k-100k and be in charge of your own entire office of brainwashed underpaid employees and you get to rinse and repeat with all of the new hires.
These companies brainwash people in numerous ways. Every morning there is a meeting for an hour and half in which you stand up, yell mantras, clap, and get hyped up for a long day of skimming donations from various non-profit charities. They make sure everyone looks professional and has a “good attitude” to prevent people from getting spooked or god forbid thinking for themselves long enough to realize that they’re part of a pyramid scheme. How is this legal, you say!? Well, unfortunately it is legal but it absolutely should not be. See this particular company isn’t making you buy a product and then sell said product to make money, no no no, instead this company hides behind the good names of the charities that it “represents” while skimming money off the top of each donation. The Charities are getting donations they otherwise wouldn’t have so they're not motivated to do the necessary research in to the practices of the company that is paying them. I would also like to note that I don’t think that all of the people that currently work for or have worked for Silver Lining Marketing Inc. are terrible, morally corrupt, individuals because they at their core victims of this heinous system that judicial system has allowed to persist. This company targets kind-hearted individuals that want to help charities, individuals who typically don’t take a job just for the money. This allows them to guilt you in to working for an unlivable wage because, hey, you're making a difference and if you just work hard enough for a while then you’ll make lots of money and get to start your very own business!
I watched a youtube video on pyramid/MLM schemes called “The Slave Circle (Direct Marketing Devil Corp. Documentary)” and this video gave me the confidence I needed to tell the company that I would not work for them and why. I highly recommend watching the video if you think you might be falling prey to a company like Silver Lining Marketing Inc. Here’s the link; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyCRzBt7GuY
Additionally, the Lula rich docuseries on amazon prime is worth a watch.
Lastly, I would like to say that if you or someone you know has been a victim of a fucked MLM like this, don’t turn to anger or vengeance. Don’t let this discourage you, these companies are so sophisticated and have scripted responses for every possible situation. They prey on good people and you are not a bad person if you fall for it, just don’t make that mistake again, learn from your errors, and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE post about your experience on reddit, glassdoor, and anywhere else you feel comfortable so that you can prevent others from falling victim to the same situation!!
I really hope this helps others and if anyone has any specific questions, let me know in the comments and I’ll try to check in every so often and answer them.

I reviewed a prior post about this from a year ago but never really saw solid answers: https://www.reddit.com/amateurradio/comments/yjxiuq/digital_modes_on_2m/
With that, I'll go a little further than the prior post did with some reasoning and intents...
The situation is that I would love to get more into digital modes. The problem is that I only have a pair of HTs, one of which is a Yaesu VX8-GR (good for APRS but hear me out), one of which is a Baofeng UV-5R. I also have an RTL-SDR to listen to testing, and some Raspberry Pis.
The Yaesu was an investment for me, which gets me to the next bit: I also want to get local friends into getting a Tech ticket but they're not really people with means and money. Their budget is a Digirig and a Baofeng, and that's pushing it for some of them.
Now, me and our friends don't like talking and ragchewing. We do that enough in our day jobs. We want to text and get messages.
I've experimented on a dummy load already and I think we can use NFM and 8PSK-500F or THOR50x1 pretty reliably. But, of course, we've only got HTs. I'll write the docs if we get something acceptable, and help them source the gear.
So, that brings us to the questions I have:
We want to use digital modes. They can only afford an HT and a DigiRig.
1) Minding we're in Colorado USA (see https://coordination.ccarc.net/cgi-bin/ccarc/fcpub?OPT=FUP&BAND=144 for our 2m plan and https://coordination.ccarc.net/cgi-bin/ccarc/fcpub?OPT=FUP&BAND=440 for our 70cm plan), I think we can use experimental modes and stay in 1W output where we can, but we'd really prefer to do what we WANT to do without interference to QRP, since they're listed as "Mixed Mode and Weak Signal". Would 145.0100 MHz and 432.2100 MHz be safe? Would it make anyone mad?
2) If we were traveling outside Colorado, or USA, would that tag of "Mixed Mode and Weak Signal" still apply generically where applicable?
3) Since we're wanting to do NFM, might there be a better mode suggestion if we've passed the first two questions?
I appreciate this subreddit, and any advice, even if it's negative, just please don't hit me too hard!

Hi everyone of northernireland ! Im a new user of reddit so I am not so familiar with it but I was hoping to find someone willing to help me with a school project on here. Ok so for some background, Im a student of trilinguism and cultures and we have classes of English, Spanish and Mandarin where we also get into the different cultures that exist within the same language (English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes in writing). Recently, in English, we were given the project to write a TV show inspired scene based on a variety of English and make it sound the most authentic possible. I chose (Northern) Ireland English and the popular TV show 'Derry Girls' and I tried to sprinkle in elements of culture, but obviously, since I am not from Northern Ireland, I did a pretty mediocre job. I now have to get feedback in order to better myself and I was hoping to find someone who would be ready to help me. Down below will be a tiny part of my text, dont be scared to be harsh! (By the way, the weird writing is on purpose, its supposed to represent irish pronounciation based on canadian English standards, I know its silly. You can comment on it too, on names, on expressions, words, actions, relations, etc.)
On the night of the 24th of December, after a big family party in the McCool’s house, Mary, Erin and Saoirse are the only people left in the house. Outside, we can hear everyone else greeting neighbors and walking toward the church together to attend the midnight service. The girls are hurrying up cleaning the kitchen before joining everyone. The uncomfortable silence in the room is suddenly broken when the front door opens.
MARY: Da? (surprised)
JOE: Bout ye girls?
MARY: What are you doin’ inside?
JOE: I forgot my swemsuit.
MARY: Your swemsuit? For what?
JOE: To go swemmin’ after the service, aye. Its tradition. Every 25th of December in the morning we go take a lettle dip in the sea. You used to do it often when you were a wain.
MARY: Daddy, catch yourself on! You’re no goin’ swemmin’, its baltic outside!
Mary pushes the leftover of the turkey, potatoes and vegetables from an unfinished plate.
JOE: Don’t worre Mary, its just for a wee menute. You should come too. (Pointing at the three girls)
Mary makes an appalled face, her hand on her chest. Erin notices her mom not agreeing and wants to contradict her.
ERIN: I’ll go with you gran-da! (excitedly)
MARY: Houl yer whist. No, you won’t! You’ll get seck.
SAOIRSE: I agree, I went for a wee dander earlier and I was foundered! Its not a time to stay outside so it is.
ERIN: Of course, she’s on my mam’s side… (under her breath)
What do you guys think?