Hey. M20, 5'10, 80kg, south asian, no current mediations and doses. So, I was addicted to clicking my jaw all the time since a few years, and it seems like I can see the issues coming by doing that. My right temple nerve, which is, behind my right eye, but slightly higher, and on the outer side of the temple, and the nerve feels bigger and I can feel it when I move my jaw, unlike my left temple nerve which I cannot feel. Now I'm getting a sometimes pain in the right eye and pain in the nerve. The nerve also feels like its stretched all the time like its not comfortable. Should it be related to TMJ?

Hello everyone!
Today, we’re diving into an important topic - liver function tests. These tests help check how well your liver is working. Your liver is a vital organ that processes everything you eat and drink, filters toxins from your blood, and helps with digestion. Let's break down what liver function tests are, what they measure, and how you can keep your liver in top shape.

What is the Liver?

The liver is a large organ located in the upper right side of your abdomen. It performs many critical functions, including detoxifying chemicals, metabolizing drugs, and producing proteins important for blood clotting and other functions.

Key Liver Function Tests:

1. ALT (Alanine Aminotransferase)

• What It Measures: ALT is an enzyme found in your liver. High levels can indicate liver damage.
• Normal Range: Typically 7 to 56 units per liter (U/L).
• What High Levels Mean: High ALT levels can suggest liver inflammation or damage from conditions like hepatitis, alcohol use, or fatty liver disease.

2. AST (Aspartate Aminotransferase)

• What It Measures: AST is another enzyme found in your liver and other parts of your body. Elevated levels can indicate liver damage.
• Normal Range: Typically 10 to 40 units per liter (U/L).
• What High Levels Mean: High AST levels can also indicate liver damage, often used in conjunction with ALT levels to diagnose liver conditions.

3. ALP (Alkaline Phosphatase)

• What It Measures: ALP is an enzyme related to the bile ducts. High levels can indicate a problem with the bile ducts or liver.
• Normal Range: Typically 44 to 147 units per liter (U/L).
• What High Levels Mean: High ALP levels may suggest blockages in the bile ducts, liver disease, or bone disorders.

4. Bilirubin

• What It Measures: Bilirubin is a waste product from the breakdown of red blood cells. The liver processes bilirubin and excretes it in bile.
• Normal Range: Typically 0.1 to 1.2 milligrams per deciliter (mg/dL).
• What High Levels Mean: High bilirubin levels can indicate liver disease or bile duct problems, leading to jaundice (yellowing of the skin and eyes).

5. Albumin and Total Protein

• What They Measure: Albumin and total protein tests measure the levels of proteins made by the liver. These proteins are important for various body functions.
• Normal Range: Albumin: 3.5 to 5.0 grams per deciliter (g/dL); Total Protein: 6.3 to 7.9 grams per deciliter (g/dL).
• What Abnormal Levels Mean: Low levels can suggest liver disease or other conditions affecting protein production.

Why These Tests Matter:

• Detecting Liver Problems: Liver function tests can help detect liver inflammation, damage, and diseases early.
• Monitoring Chronic Conditions: Regular tests help monitor liver health in chronic conditions like hepatitis or fatty liver disease.
• Guiding Treatment: Test results can guide treatment decisions and monitor the effectiveness of interventions.

Tips for Keeping Your Liver Healthy:

1. Eat a Balanced Diet: Focus on fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and healthy fats. Avoid excessive sugar and processed foods.
2. Maintain a Healthy Weight: Obesity can lead to fatty liver disease, so aim for a healthy weight through diet and exercise.
3. Limit Alcohol: Excessive alcohol consumption can cause liver damage. Stick to moderate drinking guidelines or avoid alcohol altogether.
4. Avoid Toxins: Limit exposure to harmful chemicals and toxins. Use protective gear when handling chemicals and avoid smoking.
5. Stay Hydrated: Drink plenty of water to help your liver function properly.
6. Exercise Regularly: Physical activity helps maintain a healthy weight and supports liver health.
7. Get Vaccinated: Vaccinations for hepatitis A and B can prevent infections that cause liver damage.
8. Regular Check-Ups: Regular health check-ups and liver function tests can catch problems early and keep your liver healthy.

When to Get Tested:

• Routine Check-Ups: Regular check-ups, especially if you have risk factors for liver disease.
• Symptoms: If you have symptoms like jaundice, fatigue, abdominal pain, or dark urine.
• Medical History: If you have a history of liver disease, alcohol use, or use of medications that can affect the liver.

Conclusion:

Understanding liver function tests is key to maintaining liver health. Regular testing and a healthy lifestyle can help prevent liver problems and ensure your liver is functioning properly. If you have any questions or personal experiences with liver health, share them in the comments. Your insights can help others who might be facing similar issues.
Stay healthy and informed!

I can’t write.
I can’t write at all. I would type words that pop up into my mind, then I’ll feel icky about it. Then it’d be gone in a flash with the power of my delete button. I used to think I’m a good writer, but it’s more like a phase where you feel so good about what you write. But growing out of it, you’ll look back and think, “What the f*ck is the thought process behind this fiasco?” That’s exactly how I feel about what I have written in the past.
I digress. I decided to start writing on this page here, 15th of May 2024 at 5-something PM in a cafe near school (class had just finished) because I feel like sh*t. Long story short, I have a man. My not-so-my-man man. It’s because we’re not really in any relationship to begin with, like, on paper, there are no statuses for us to settle with. It’s also important to mention how he was actually my crush whom I’ve liked since the start of sophomore year (he’s my senior). I don’t know if it’s because of how I’ve known him for roughly 17 years of my life or that he’s just so very smart. Maybe both. 2023 was rough for me because I fell in love with him but he didn’t even look at me. He’s kind, introverted, that polite and good-to-your-ma-and-everybody’s-ma kind of guy, and he’s just totally my type. Or my type is him. But everyone knew about it, my friends knew about it, his friends knew about it, he was the only clueless person during the episode.
2024 happened and we got close. April blessed me with the fact that he likes me back. “What if, I tell you, hypothetically, that I like you too. What would your response be?”
Best believe my heart rate spiked to 140 BPM.
Then we happened. Just like that. He said things me and my friends never really expected to hear him say. Like, are you serious, did Bonnie really say “God, I love you so much.” (Code name Bonnie, by the way. We call him that. Maybe one day I’ll tell you why) or am I on fentanyl right now? He’s sweet. He took me on dates. He was there when I lost the debating competition I truly believed I could win. He told me it’s okay. It’ll be okay. At the end, it’ll all be okay. And truly when he’s around, I am okay.
I don’t know when or why it started but we kind of fell off due to the fact that he stopped saying ‘I love you’ and bawling my eyes out because he left me hanging after making me wait became a weekly thing. He’s busy, I know of it, but it gets a little too painful for me to just continue my daily dilly-dallying after he left me without any ‘bye-bye’s or a kiss on the cheek. It occurred to me that, maybe, JUST maybe, I’ve liked him for so long and he doesn’t like me that much. I mean, whenever he’s around, Bonnie would rather talk to my male friends instead of me. He never really seeks after me. Never have I ever heard “Where’s Kiyo?” coming out of his mouth. True, most of the time we would be on the school ground, but, come on and talk to me. I am here.
Maybe it’s just the fact that he’s leaving for college soon (I am COUNTING my days because he, in fact, is leaving in DAYS) that makes me sad. Questions like “Do you not want to spend time with me before you go?” or “Do you even want to see me?” or “Will you miss me or will you miss me not?” would pop up in my head like, every 3 seconds (Can someone answer these questions for me by the way) and it’s— bothersome. I want to believe that he truly loves me. Again, I can’t help but doubt.
I really need to make up my mind and answer my own questions on what I’m actually worried about. I’ll continue in a bit. Girl’s gotta catch up the walking duration to an extra class at 7 PM (it’s 6:23).
Yours truly, Kiyo

i need a place to vent and honestly, reading posts about other people going through the same thing does help a bit. if anyone has any advice to make me feel better, please tell me.
we had to put our beloved staffy (almost 11 years old) named spanky down yesterday. it was probably one of the most traumatizing experiences of my life. the vet clinic is 6 blocks from our house and i honestly do not want to step foot near that area ever again. i feel like i will have a full blown panic attack just reliving the final moments in my head. i'm sad and hurt. i think the hardest part of all this was her health declined very quickly in a span of a few days. we had no idea she was going to be gone.
she started having black diarrhea out of no where. we suspected it was something she ate as she did have this issue a few months ago, the doctor gave antibiotics and it went away. well our hopes turned into a complete nightmare when we went the vet, and they prescribed medication and it seemed to not get better but completely worse. she stopped eating the day after we brought her to the vet (continued drinking lots of water though) but knew something was up. this continued for the next day after, so we called our vet, but this time they told us to take her to the ER to see a specialist for an ultrasound. at this point i still had hope it wasn't anything serious..
.. i will never forget the moment the doctor came out, and told us they found several masses on her liver and intestine, and they would not be able to operate on her. the cancer was aggressive and spreading quickly. (we were unaware she even had cancer so this was a complete shock) her organs were shutting down. we asked how much longer she would have. the doctor would not give us a time frame but mentioned the best course of action would be to put her down or she can go home with pain meds. we decided to bring her home that day to have one more night with her. it's insane how fast her health deteriorated in a matter of hours. she loved car rides so i'm happy we gave her one last car ride. 2 weeks ago, she was full of energy and to go from that to not being able to stand up on her final day broke me to pieces. it makes me a bit happier knowing we were able to give her a peaceful goodbye and to end her pain.
life is nothing without her. our whole life revolved around her. the house feels empty. the bed is lonely. she would always bark at anyone that would come by the apartment or car. she would always protect me. she was my shadow. she hated skateboards and would go nuts if she heard one skating by. i placed all her blankets she laid on, every toy in a bag so i can keep her smell forever. i can't even sleep as i write this (3:42 am). i called off work for the rest of the week and not sure how i'm even going to function when i go back next week. everyone at work always asks me about her because she is all i talk about. i can't even mention her name without balling my eyes out. this is going to be hard. yesterday was the worst day ever. probably worst day of my life. i miss her cuddles so much. i don't have children but she was my baby. a part of me left with her. the pain is unimaginable. i miss her and everything reminds me of her. this is the type of pain i have never felt in my life. it's overwhelming and now i see the world in black. nothing seems interesting anymore.
rip spanky. save a spot for me wherever you are. i will see you again. please visit me in my dreams every night. 2013-2014 💔🐾

About two weeks ago I thought about writing a story under 1,000 words. Would you believe ... 2,093 words? Enjoy!
At 9 PM, my roommate Martine pulled her knees closer to her chest and corrected her balance on the bay window bench seat. She never once looked at me as I finished neatening up the living room behind her. I didn’t expect her to notice me. She was waiting for her new love interest, Baylun. Nothing short of setting her clothes on fire would break her concentration before he arrived.
That’s why I didn’t bother to ask her if I looked okay. Yes, I wanted to make a good impression on Baylun because being presentable is being polite. Also, I didn’t want to give Martine any reason to leave me without her monthly half of the rent. If she left despite me being as perfect as I can be, well, nothing I can do about that. And given how intensely she was staring out the window, I wouldn’t be surprised if she expected Baylun to propose tonight. On their third date.
As if she’d read my mind, she spoke without turning her head. “Would you add him to the lease? I mean, if you like Baylun?”
“My Aunt Gloria might okay it. There’s enough room here. We can ask.” Why did I feel the need to appease her and pretend I wouldn’t be uncomfortable as the third wheel in my aunt’s rental house? My best guess is because appeasing and pretending are the cornerstones of my life, I’m very good at them.
Luckily, Martine was already not listening. “He’s here,” she whispered, sliding off the bench seat. After picking up her silk shawl, she partially opened our front door. Footsteps coming up our front steps stopped at what I presumed was the top step.
Beaming, she opened the door and invited him in. The man who entered had to duck to get in and I had to stop myself for apologizing to him. He was well dressed, looked like the proverbial “million dollars” and as he bent to give Martine a kiss on the cheek, I saw his eyes.
I froze for a moment, staring at the wrinkles around his eyes. Inhaling sharply, I blinked and shifted my gaze to Martine. She’d described Baylun as mature for his age. She’d failed to tell me he was at least middle age. That may sound ageist and I’m sorry for that but Martine and I are both 22 years old and Baylun looked twice that. He might be kind and, as Martine mentioned more than once, rich, but he might also be constantly on the lookout for a younger model than the one currently on his arm. Far be it from me to pass judgment without proof, but I would need more than Martine’s affirmation to feel comfortable with him as a roommate.
Introductions were short if not sweet. Baylun extended his hand and shook mine, which gave me some relief. If he’d kissed my hand I would undoubtedly have done nothing except internally cringe.
“Are you ready?” he asked, looking first at Martine who nodded enthusiastically. Then he looked at me and raised his eyebrows as if waiting for a reply. My jaw dropped, in real time.
Martine stared at me for half a second before jumping in to save me. “Lise was just getting her sweater, right, Lise?”
Thanks for covering for me, Martine. My plans for the night included pjs as soon as you guys left, but how could I say no? Except for flat out saying “No” which would be unthinkable.
“Right, I forgot it, and where are we going?” I squished in behind Martine, reached into the closet and took the top sweater from the neatly folded pile in the sweater drawer.
Baylun made a noise that was probably meant to sound like laughter. “Heddon’s Hill. To see the stars. Cloudless night tonight!”
Martine clapped her hands a couple of times, giving me a jolt of second-hand embarrassment. “Baylun asked me to keep it a secret. He brought a bottle of really good wine. It’s in his car, right, babe?”
Baylun didn’t say anything as he put his hand on her cheek like she was a child. She stared at him, as if in a trance. He didn’t purr audibly but that’s the best way I can describe his facial expression. Then I looked him in the eyes and the silence that followed hurt my ears.
A wave of panic immobilized me. I looked away and struggled to put on the sweater.
When he spoke, he whispered but it felt like thunder to my ears. “Perhaps a heavier outer layer?”
Martine snapped back into reality. “You look cold. Grab a hoodie, we’ll meet you in the car.”
That was the out I needed. “You know what, I feel awful. Go ahead, enjoy. I’ll take cold meds and try to be awake when you get back, to hear all about it.” To convey sadness at missing out on being a third wheel and resigned acceptance of impending illness, I grimaced and shrugged.
Martine considered me for a moment before agreeing. She leaned gently against Baylun’s arm and squeezed his hand. “Could we be back in an hour, babe?”
He turned his full attention on her and nodded. “Yes. We will. Goodbye, Lise.”
I thought about saying goodbye and decided a coughing fit would be more suitable. As I covered my mouth with my left elbow, I waved weakly with my right hand. The two lovebirds got into the car and when I heard it backing down the driveway, I poured a couple of teaspoons of night time anti-cold liquid down the sink. To make sure I smelled like I’d taken it, I licked the spoon before washing it.
When they returned, Martine walked in at a slower pace than usual and Baylun put his arm under hers as soon as they were both inside, so she could lean on him. She didn’t seem upset. She also didn’t make eye contact with me. My first thought was she had a bit too much wine, but we’ve had drinks together. She’s always been a little louder, a little more animated after a bit of alcohol. I started wondering if she’d consumed something other than wine while stargazing. Not judging, just trying to find an explanation that didn’t scare me about her health.
Instead of speaking to me, Baylun nodded and continued supporting Martine, helping her through the house. I reasoned he was taking her to the bathroom or her bedroom, so I squeezed in beside him and ran to open her bedroom door. Baylun led her to the far side of her bed so he was facing me, and helped her to lie down.
Except he didn’t lay her down right away. He held her halfway between standing and lying down, stared into my eyes and put his mouth on her neck.
I know how this sounds. My brain undoubtedly recognized the set-up. Yet I was unprepared for what happened.
Baylun retracted his lips, revealing two bloody fangs and touched Martine’s neck as if searching for something. Just before his fingers found them, I saw two wounds on her neck. He positioned his fingers so his fangs went into the wounds. Martine shuddered for a second, then sighed and stopped moving.
I inhaled sharply. Nothing made sense and I couldn’t remember how to move. When I realized my hand was still on the door handle, I leaned on it slightly, turned and ran to the front door.
Baylun met me there. I didn’t hear him walking or running. He wasn’t at the door and then he was, positioned to prevent me from opening it. He wasn’t frowning. He didn’t lean towards me or touch me, for which I was grateful.
But his eyes. They sparkled, they were bright and lively, and they were wrinkle-free. He looked my age, not middle aged. He looked like the guy I’d met an hour earlier, only younger.
I took a step backwards.
He took a step forward and spoke, his voice quiet and calm.
“If you say anything to her about what you saw, I will deny it and she will believe me. Then I will show you what it’s like to burn in hell.”
This was the second time in one night life handed me a “get out of trouble” card and I grabbed it with both hands. Frowning with the hopes of presenting as confused, I asked, “Okay, I thought it was very kind of you to bring her home, but I think I get it. What’s our story if she asks?”
He crossed his arms and studied me for a long moment. “I’m glad you understand. You can take credit for getting her into bed.”
I nodded and brought my left hand to my mouth, trying to look thoughtful. “And you asked her to text when she gets up tomorrow? Or is that too much?”
He chuckled and uncrossed his arms. “That’s just what I was thinking.” He stared at my mouth.
A rush of fear froze me in place. “Everything okay?”
“It will be.” He pointed at the right side of my mouth.
A sharp pain on the side of my face woke me up. It was still dark. I was in my bed. I tried sitting up and learned my pillowcase was stuck to the corner of my mouth.
Instant panic. I picked up the pillow and ran to the bathroom where a quick glance in the mirror above the sink revealed the substance wasn’t glue, it was blood. As awful as that was, my initial reaction was “Better than glue.” A little warm water on a face cloth eased the pillowcase off my skin and I set the case and face cloth on the counter.
For a brief moment I felt absolute relief. I held onto the sides of the sink and took a deep breath.
A drop of blood landed on the right side of the sink.
Blood could be from biting my lip, or inside of my cheek or even my tongue in my sleep. Or a nosebleed.
Another drop of blood landed on the sink.
It was so weird. Nothing hurt. Not my nose, not my lip, not my tongue. I struggled to figure out what I did, why I would be bleeding. Did I do something foolish before I went to bed?
I couldn’t remember going to bed.
Time to look in the mirror. There wasn’t any obvious damage, so I used my fingers to move my lips away from the right side of my mouth.
My canine tooth was missing. Another, sharper tooth was working its way out of the gums. That’s where the blood was coming from.
I leaned in and looked more closely at it. The emerging canine was definitely tearing through the gum, making it bleed.
A scream worked its way up my throat. I stood up, ramrod straight, shut my mouth and gently placed the face cloth on it.
I tiptoed down the hall to Martine’s bedroom door. It was shut. She was breathing in a regular pattern, not quite snoring.
I came back to my bedroom and checked my phone. 4:45 AM. When did I come to bed? Baylun was here, I remembered him with Martine and then at the door. Seems like he’s gone, unless he’s sitting in the dark in the living room or kitchen.
Any other day, Martine would be waking up in two hours. If she does, I don’t doubt she’ll be excited to hear Baylun wants her to text him.
I want to throw up. A few hours ago, life felt so normal. Now a giant canine tooth is pushing its way into my mouth. Maybe the other one is, too. I don’t care to find out. I also don’t want to go to the hospital where I’ll run out of answers before the staff run out of questions.
Maybe I can take a couple of days off work, see if the new dental situation affects my sleep schedule. Maybe I can find a night job.
Or maybe I’m a vampire, condemned to a life of hunting humans and being hunted by humans. I’m going to wait until Martine gets up before posting this. She might have a lot more information on this.
My mind is clearer now. My memories are back. It’s time for me to disappear from Martine’s and my Aunt Gloria’s lives. I can do it. I must do it. For their safety, and for mine. Everything is not okay. Not yet.

I tried explaining this to every neurologists I've met. I have this weird feeling in my head, sometimes it's pain behind my eyes, sometimes it's a tickle in my brain. I can't sleep when it's happening. All I can do is shake. The only way to get rid of it is to laugh, scream, talk loud or tremble.
This has been going on for the past five years but it usually goes away after I do one of the actions listed above.
Tonight it the first time nothing worked. It's a tingle (if you've ever listened to asmr you know what im talking about). It's like someone's taking a feather and tickling me.
I've laughed, cried screamed shook all night. It's still there. I just want to sleep comfortably.
Does anyone else have this sensation and any tips to get rid of it? I took a few of my anxiety pills and pain pills. I drank a lot of water. I have a migraine disorder.

My friend takes her faith seriously, it is one of the things that keeps her going. In Islam, mothers are sacred and she does not want to go against her faith by going NC or LC, but her family is pretty toxic, and I have been trying to show her she is the Scapegoat child. That's really opened her eyes as to why she gets blamed for things when she's the only one who actually helps the family, and she is learning a lot.
But so many of the resources I'm sending to her are very based in a secular Western mode. And I'm trying to find articles or videos from therapists who understand why a Muslim girl does not want to even consider walking away from her mother, however painful the relationship is.
I don't think her mother is a true Narc; just a very traumatised woman who didn't get the help she needed. She was a war refugee and her life has been hellish. I just want to help my young friend prevent that trauma from becoming intergenerational and inherited, but I'm not having much luck finding resources that speak from a knowledge of Islamic ideals as well as refugee trauma and how that can create so much toxicity in a family.
I found one Christian guy, who at least had a faith-based approach to teaching things like Grey Rock technique (not specifically Christian ideas, more just that he respected his audience's spiritual beliefs were a priority for them) but I'd love to find someone like that who is Muslim. My friend's family are just like: "be a good Muslim girl and respect your mother however she treats you" but some of the things the mother does have really endangered my friend's mental health; she is already dealing with an eating disorder (due, I'm sure, to her role as family scapegoat.)
I'd be very grateful for any pointers as to where to look. She lives in the UK if that's relevant and has just finished uni, but it's online resources I'm mostly seeking.
Thanks everyone.

From the moment I heard her whispered name, a chill settled deep within my bones, a prelude to the terror that would soon consume my very existence. The Lady, they called her, an entity shrouded in tales so dark, they seemed to blot out the light of day whenever spoken. I was a non-believer, a skeptic who laughed in the face of the supernatural. How I wish I could return to that blissful ignorance, but some truths, once revealed, are impossible to unsee.
It began innocently enough, a dare amongst friends on a night fueled by the reckless invincibility of youth. We were gathered around the flickering light of a campfire, the darkness of the woods pressing in on us with an almost palpable intensity. "Invoke The Lady," they said, a challenge thrown down with the gauntlet of peer pressure. "Show us you're not afraid."
Fool that I was, I accepted, mocking the very notion that some spectral woman could instill fear in me. "The Lady, The Lady, The Lady," I called into the night, my voice steady but my heart beginning to betray a flicker of unease.
The words had barely left my lips when the air around us shifted, a coldness seeping into my very marrow. Silence fell, a heavy, oppressive silence that seemed to smother all life in the forest. And then, I saw her.
She emerged from the shadows, a figure so pale she seemed to glow in the moonlight. Her hair, black as the void, flowed around her like a living thing, and her eyes... her eyes were a gray so piercing, so devoid of humanity, that to meet her gaze was to feel your soul being stripped bare.
Panic surged through me, a primal, screaming urge to flee, but I was rooted to the spot, trapped by those merciless eyes. She moved towards me, each step deliberate, relishing the terror that coursed through my veins. I wanted to scream, to beg for mercy, but my voice was a prisoner in my throat, choked off by fear.
When she was but a breath away, she stopped, and the world seemed to hold its breath with her. "You sought me," she whispered, her voice a melody of nightmares, a sound that promised despair and madness. "Now you have found me."
I could do nothing but stare as her hair began to writhe and twist, snakes made of shadow and malice. With a sudden, violent motion, it shot forward, wrapping around me in a cold embrace. I expected pain, expected to be torn asunder, but instead, there was only cold, an abyssal chill that threatened to extinguish the very fire of my soul.
Her face loomed close to mine, close enough that I could see the torment etched into her features, a mirror of the agony she inflicted. "Look upon me," she commanded, and I was powerless to disobey.
What I saw in that moment was not a face, but a void, an absence of all things, a darkness so profound that my mind fractured at its touch. It was the face of oblivion, of all fears made manifest. I felt myself slipping, falling into that endless void, my screams lost in the silence of her embrace.
When I awoke, it was to a world forever changed. The forest was gone, replaced by the sterile white of a hospital room. They told me I was found alone, catatonic, my eyes wide with an unseeing terror. My friends, those who had dared me to call upon The Lady, were nowhere to be found, vanished without a trace.
I alone returned from that night, but what came back was not the same person who had uttered that fateful challenge. I am haunted, forever marked by the touch of The Lady. I see her in my dreams, in the shadows of my room, in every reflective surface, waiting, always waiting.
They say I am mad, but madness is a mercy I have not been granted. For I know the truth, a truth that burns in my mind with the ferocity of a thousand suns. The Lady is real, and she is the embodiment of every fear, every horror, every nightmare that has ever plagued the hearts of humanity.
And she has seen me.

CHAPTER 9 – ENTROPY
DATE: MARCH 10th, 7 A.U. (AFTER UNIFICATION) LOCATION: SOL SYSTEM, ABOARD UTRN INDOMITABLE WILL
CAPTAIN HENRY O’TOOLE
"Ah, there you are Commander. Your message said there was something you wanted to talk with me about?" Henry asked as his executive officer approached the system map.
“Aye Captain, now's a good a time as any. As you know, the rate of disciplinary incidents has more than tripled in the last two weeks. We've had six fistfights, one near strangling, a few dozen counts of sexual harassment amongst different parties, and a few more incidents of a nature that I would rather not get into for fear of derailing the point of this conversation. I need additional resources to allocate towards ship internal security. With your permission, I'd like to borrow some of our more trusted marines to help the MA's out on their off shifts.” Commander Alvarez asked.
“Yeah, of course, take what you need to nip this in the bud. I can't say I'm entirely surprised; we expected a certain amount of this with the stresses of FTL travel. With everyone cooped up like this, maybe we should brainstorm some new outlets for the crew. Were there any specific incidents I need to get involved with?” Henry replied as he looked up from the list of updates and reports on his own console.
“No, I have it covered. It's just the regs state I need to ask permission to use marines for internal security matters.” The Commander waved it off.
“Excellent, continue to keep me in the loop then. Can I ask you a question?” Henry took the opportunity to ask something that had been bothering him.
“You just did. Hah! Just kidding, put the axe away boy! Now what would you like to know?” He said with a twinkle in his eye.
“I've seen your file, well, the parts that weren’t redacted anyway. If anything, I should be taking your orders! I mean, you're the Space Wolf! Nobody came even close to the number of ships captured or destroyed than you in the early days of the battle for the belt. Why would they want me to be captain when they had someone like you coming along the whole time? Why aren't you a captain anymore? By all right this should be your command, not mine.” Henry asked, after taking one last look around to verify they were still alone around the system map.
Commander Alvarez seemed stunned for a moment before he settled into a more pensive look.
“Listen, son, you're all full of the vigor and high passions of youth. By that I mean you've got a certain fire and aggression in you, yet I've seen you generally keep it balanced by wit and wisdom. You are a perfect match for the job, even if you could use some more real world experience. With some guidance, you'll do just fine, if you can keep strict standards for yourself and crew and a cool head when things get tough."
"I appreciate that, and I will definitely lean on your experience whenever possible. However, you didn't really answer my question... Why aren't you a captain anymore?"
"I... got a lot of damn good men and women killed in an impossible situation when we lost the Michigan-II, and I never truly got over it. No amount of medals, captured enemy ships, or the fact that I've saved many more lives than I lost can make up for that. I finally found peace with that, but that peace required that I relieve myself of any chance of future command. My legacy, for better or worse, is set in stone. Joining this expedition gives me another chance at adjusting the scales without breaking my former vows, even if the only people who will ever know it are here on the voyage with us.”
“So, you claim you have no aims or desires for leadership, but here you are a mere heartbeat away from it.” Henry said, carefully studying his executive officer's every reaction.
“My time for glory is mostly gone, yours is at your feet before you. To the world, I am retired in comfort and isolation. In reality you have me here to help make your will law. You can relax. I already turned down command of this expedition. I was plan A, why do you think they had to scramble to find you? I will take command of this mission only if you are incapable of doing so yourself, Sir. In the meantime, let my experience and whatever wisdom I can offer guide you.”
An emergency alert snapped both of their attention out of their conversation. "There's a fire in one of the officer's cabins?!" Henry’s pulse quickened as he referenced the map to find which one.
“Fuck, it started in Chantal’s room!” Henry said, horrified.
“I've got the CIC under control. Go on and get her out of there, I'll send the cavalry."
“Thank you, Commander.” Henry called back over his shoulder as he rushed for the quick lift.
The officer cabins were the in the very next deck overhead, so he was able to arrive quickly and break into a sprint. The ship shifted as it dodged some antimatter, causing Henry to slip and scramble back to his feet. As he rounded the corner he saw her door was closed and the keypad powered was off. He could hear thumps and muffled screaming from within the room.
"HANG ON CHANTAL, I'M COMING!" Henry shouted in the hope that she could hear him as he pried at the manual override panel.
Two modified Paladin exo-combat armor suits rounded the corner seconds later with a hospitalman trailing behind pushing a medical cart.
"WE'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE, SIR." A speaker-amplified voice spoke from behind him.
One of the Paladin suits accessed the manual control override and forced the door open enough for the other suit to reach in and pry it the rest of the way open as smoke plumed into the corridor. The second suit charged into the room with its flood lights on as a water cannon mounted on the right wrist sprayed flame retardant from a pack on its back. The first suit abandoned the door control and entered, emerging moments later with Chantal awake and coughing from inside the darkened door frame. She was quickly ushered into cleaner air, set gently down, wrapped in a blanket, and was quickly attended to by a hospitalman who began to check her vitals.
Relief flooded Henry’s mind as his adrenaline surge broke against the wall of worry he had built up during his mad dash from the CIC.
“Baby you came for me! I thought I was going to die in there." She pulled him into a tight embrace as she wept in cathartic release.
"Of course I did! I couldn't stand to lose you, especially not over something like this. So, what the hell happened in there?"
"Well you know me, I was all burning the midnight oil and then I smelled smoke! Then there were some sparks, the outlet pops then whoosh! My computer station and my desk are all ablaze along with half my notes, then the damned door wouldn't work! I had to drop to the floor under the smoke and pound on the door in hopes that someone would hear me. God, it was horrible... I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life." She replied with a deep shudder.
"You're safe now, it's going to be alright."
"I know, but what about my work?" She replied with a forlorn look back at her smoke damaged room.
"What about your work?"
"As you know, I lost a ton of it just now, but what’s worse is I don't even have the ability to recover them! Remember how I lost my backup drive last week? Like, I know I packed it and it is not here anywhere! It’s like some sick cosmic joke on me or something. Sorry! Gotta keep it positive, girl! I get to rethink my last few weeks’ worth of work from scratch... that was almost positive! I probably have most of this recoverable from email sent box backups. Fuck, what do you do if there's no good silver lining?” Chantal bemoaned.
Henry couldn’t help himself but laugh for a second, while his girlfriend stared at him, waiting for a response.
“I’m sorry, is this funny to you or something?”
“No, no of course not. This might be one of those times where the only silver lining is that you're alive. Plus, if anyone can remember and rebuild their notes, you can." Henry smiled down at her.
“Fine, fine, at least I am alive. I was only breathing smoke for a few seconds after all.” She said, rolling her eyes. “Thank you for rushing down here right away anyway, it means a lot. You're amazing, you know.”
Henry smiled, slightly uncomfortable for a moment, so he changed the subject.
“I do my best... Anyway, it seems like these electrical issues seem to be getting worse instead of better. Whatever patch these clowns have slapped on my ship to get her to pass inspection is clearly coming undone. What do you think is going on here?” Henry asked in mild exasperation.
“Honestly, I can’t tell you without digging into the systems myself, which I would rather avoid. My plate is full enough as it is right now, especially having to reproduce so much of my own work now. This ship has kilometers of power cables running throughout it, after all, and you have an entire loyal, capable team down there in electrical, so it should only be a matter of time before they sort it out for you. Let them do their jobs without harassing them too much, please?”
Henry felt a little irked at her for not giving him credit to know not to go overboard, but he stowed it, seeing as she ultimately was right.
“The crew has been under a lot of stress, too, between the technical issues with the lights going out, losing power to workstations, or the constant antimatter threat. More than a few people have tried to convince me to turn us around and return to S33 for a more in-depth refit and repair cycle before we try the mission again. So far, everyone has accepted the fact that we are continuing the mission without much argument, but I fear what may happen if these issues are seen as getting worse. Our orders are clear, though, we must continue the journey.” Henry said, uncomfortable with the implications, even if he didn't dare voice it.
“You should get on the Q-Comm to report the fire to S33. Maybe they will order us back to base after this.” She offered, looking for a solution to an impossible problem.
“Good idea, at least the Q-Comm is still working. It’s incredible to me those particles maintained their entanglement once we passed through the baryonic barrier. That alone has been a huge morale boost, being able to contact home base with no time lag.” Henry replied.
“It’s incredible to you because you only have a basic grasp of the science, hon. But that’s alright, very few people truly understand it. That’s in part what you have me here for anyway. Einstein called the effect spooky action from a distance; I always liked that line.”
Henry ran his fingers through his hair and looked at Chantal, with a shake of his head and a smile.
“Listen, Henry, I just had a crazy stressful experience and I need to unwind. Plus, I haven’t slept in almost a day, so I am bone tired. Let’s go to bed, huh? What do you say doc, am I clear to go?” Chantal asked.
The hospitalman closed her eyes and shook her head before responding. "Yes, you are cleared to rest, and only to rest, do you understand me?"
Chantal mouthed a thank you before she took Henry by the hand and led him off to the captain’s quarters. Henry felt no desire to fight it, nor flaw with her reasoning. Sleep sounded good, really good. Plus, he was about an hour from the start of his sleep shift anyway, and Alvarez had the CIC well covered. The lights flickered again, but Henry very purposefully ignored it.
“Hey, since we have a little time and we are both a little wound up, Why don’t we take a shower together real quick?” She said with genuine enthusiasm and a wink.
“Madam, I like the way you think.” The couple raced just a bit faster than regulations would have liked, and arrived at his door in record speed.
Inside the room they fell upon each other in great passion and need, stripping each other out of their BDU’s and underclothes. Henry tossed a giggling Chantal onto the bed, and proceeded to kiss her neck and nibble on her ear causing her to purr in anticipation before he moved down her chest, past her navel, and then eagerly began to move his kisses in between her thighs.
“Hah…. I haven’t showered. Are you sure? Oooookay! I think…. Hah…. Okay.” She said breathlessly as Henry began to work his tongue until she began to shiver and squirm before she cried out as she melted in his mouth.
“Enough, please, I can’t take it anymore! Just fuck me already!” Chantal pulled herself together enough to beg for it. Henry stood rigid and ready and set himself to granting her request, first slowly, and then with a growing intensity. She once more began to squirm as he paid close attention to her hip’s cues, knowing very well by now what she liked.
As she climaxed again, Henry lifted her from the bed and pushed her up against the wall, and then bent her over his desk for a bit before he could take it no longer and they finished together.
“Holy shit… my legs aren’t gonna work for a bit after that one. Help me up?” Chantal said in between shallow breaths.
“Yes, ma’am. It would be my pleasure.” Henry said as he helped her to her feet and into the shower, staying in longer than was strictly necessary.
Henry left the steam first, once more thankful that his cabin included its own small bathroom, rather than a communal one. Being captain had its perks, after all. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist, then handed another to Chantal who gratefully accepted it before it dropped to the ground as she stared straight past him.
“Henry!" She squeaked as she pointed past him.
"What?" Henry asked, confused.
"Henry, someone was in here!”
On their bathroom mirror, wiped from the steam were the words TURN BACK.
Henry's blood ran cold and his adrenaline spiked him into overdrive. He waved Chantal back into the shower and put his finger to his lips. She nodded then wrapped herself in her retrieved towel and dropped to the shower floor with her arms wrapped around her knees, whimpering slightly. Henry moved silently along the wall, watching the visible half of his room for any movement. He then burst round the door frame, only to find everything perfectly, precisely as they had left it. The shock of finding nothing collided with the spike of his adrenaline surge, which only fed his growing unease.
“There’s nobody here!” Henry called out after checking the closet, the only other place someone could have hidden.
“Did you lock the door?” Chantal asked, her mind already working on the mystery.
“I set the security protocol to auto lock every time it closes.”
“Paul. We need to talk to Paul.” Chantal said, squeezing her BDU’s up over her hips with a few hops. Henry pulled on his undershirt before tossing over her bra.
“Why would we want to bring that weasel into this?” Henry asked, incredulous at to how he could possibly help.
“Because he has access to the surveillance tapes, why else?”
Henry stared at Chantal, brimming with rage, trying his hardest to keep it isolated to Paul over the invasion of his privacy.
“Did you just say surveillance tapes!?!” Henry asked in an icy tone. “That does it, I’m going to strangle him.” Henry said, moving with a purpose toward the door.
“Stop. Turn around and give me a kiss. I already disabled the video cameras, at least all the ones I could find. He has audio at best, even that I doubt. What he does have that I want is the data from the motion sensor that he had installed just in case you found the more obvious bugs. Unfortunately, I sabotaged its effectiveness by blocking the sensor with dense foam, but there might be enough of something to give us a clue."
“How in the hell do you know about all of this anyway, and why the hell didn’t you tell me?!” Henry roared.
“This entire enterprise is run by an intelligence agency; how can you not have seen that one coming a mile away? I have gotten very good at catching bugs over the years. Just because I expect the invasion of privacy to be happening, doesn’t mean I have to make it easy on them. Just be happy I already took care of the issue, alright?” She replied firmly while staring him in the eyes with raised eyebrows.
“You’re incredible, I love you.” Henry blurted out before he could catch himself. Chantal beamed and tackled him to the bed sitting on his lap.
“What took you so long? Never mind, don’t answer that. I love you too, man have I wanted to say that one for a while now.”
“You know these things aren’t easy for me. I had to be sure, I also didn’t want to mess anything up. We need to be able to work together even if we had turned out to be a bad couple.” Henry admitted, Chantal made an show as she thought it over, but she then smiled and helped Henry to his feet.
“Alright, my captain. You speak great wisdom. While I have certainly felt, and thoroughly enjoyed, the depths of your passion, it is really nice to hear about it too. I do think it makes it all the better that you rule said passion with reason. It’s just one of the many things I love about you.” She said, laying her hand over his heart.
Henry took her other hand and kissed it before replying. “I think above all, I wanted to make sure that I didn’t take you for granted, nor suffer the same in reverse. A wise woman once gave me some great advice there that I have taken to heart.”
“Okay, Romeo, maybe you have a better handle on these things than you think. Now… Let’s go interrogate Paul.” Chantal had a fire in her eyes that Henry was loving very much at that moment.
“I have wanted to turn the screws on that spook for a while now.” Henry smiled as he spoke, and he opened up the connection to the ship’s intranet through his neural implant to send a message.
MEET ME IN YOUR QUARTERS IN 5 MINUTES FOR A DISCUSSION OF CRITICAL IMPORTANCE – CPT. O'TOOLE
“That ought to get him there and alone.” Henry smirked. “Let’s go.”
Together, they made their way to Paul’s equivalent-sized quarters, which he had somehow secured for himself in the ship design to help facilitate his role as the official thorn in Henry’s paw. I guess being the captain’s handler has its perks as well. Henry’s eye twitched at the corner.
After making them wait far too long, Paul opened the door and gesturing them inside. The door closed and Paul turned towards them, narrowing his eyes, studying them both.
“Is this about the fire?” Paul asked before Henry punched the weasel right in the diaphragm, forcing him to gasp for air. The look of shock on his face as he bent forwards was priceless.
“What the fuck, Henry!?” Paul managed to choke out after a minute between gasps.
“Relax, I didn’t do any permanent damage, yet.” Henry said, Paul for just a second showed actual fear in his eyes before he sneered in defiance. “Oh? That got your attention, did it? Why were you spying on me?” Henry growled.
Paul closed his eyes, dropped his head, and began to laugh before Henry grabbed him by the throat and slammed him into the wall. Foolishly, Paul even then kept laughing amidst the gasping. So Henry squeezed until Paul started slapping his arm, looking genuine fear once more growing across his face.
“Orders… I was following orders!” Paul managed to say amidst gasps and coughs.
“I thought it might be something like that. You're going to open up those files, now, and you're going to show me everything.” Henry said, dropping him to his feet at last.
“Fucking hell, Henry, I thought you of all people would have anticipated this was going to be the case. Do you think the people who made this all possible would simply let you fly around the most dangerous, advanced warship in human history without some insurance?”
“Don’t try and weasel out of your own personal culpability here. You may also want to think back to other people who were “only following orders” while performing acts they knew were wrong before you wave that line around like some get out of jail free card.” The fact that he had nothing to say spoke volumes.
“You should have told me, Paul.” Henry growled.
“That defeats the purpose! Plus, your girlfriend sabotaged them all before we ever left S33 anyway, and once more after! That type of tech doesn’t just grow on trees you know, and I don’t have an unlimited supply. You should be thanking me for covering for her and reporting back like things are normal!” Paul shouted in indignation.
“This is pointless, show me the files from around fifteen minutes ago, motion trackers, thermals, anything you have that's not blocked or sabotaged.” Henry commanded. Paul’s eyes narrowed, but after a long moment he huffed and closed his eyes.
Paul then sat down at his station and fired it up.
“Like I said, I've got practically nothing. No video, muffled audio and readings from what I assume to be a faulty motion sensor, that’s it. What are we looking for?”
“Chantal and I were, well, together. After we got out of the shower we saw that someone had written turn back in the condensation on the bathroom mirror. Only problem? My door auto locks when closed and only opens for my biometrics. That is why all of this even came up in the first place.”
“Motherfucker. That's a whole heap of bad news.” Paul said. Henry merely nodded, paying rather more attention to the screen to see if he could catch Paul in a lie about the extent of the spying.
“There’s nothing. No disturbances in the air that would even remotely resemble human movement between you two getting in the shower and you charging into your bedroom. With the noise of the shower and the distance to the microphone, there is nothing I can discern that is anomalous. You can see it all right here for yourself.”
Henry found himself even more confused and alarmed than before.
“How is that possible? Look again, run through some filters or something. There must be some evidence somewhere!”
“Alright, relax, I will get to work on this and get you a report by the end of C shift. In the meantime, you look like a mess. Get some sleep man! I can take care of it from here. Oh, and I want you to remember that I forgave you quite magnanimously for that little episode back there where you attacked me.” Henry and Chantal gave each other a look as Paul spoke.
“Wasn’t gonna apologize anyway, you had it coming. I’m going to hit the rack. I expect that report to be detailed and ready when I get up.” Henry took Chantal by the hand, and they left together, not waiting for a response.
“What a snake. Did you see him in there? Zero guilt or recognition whatsoever about spying like that. It just makes my skin crawl. Gives me bad memories.” Chantal said, turning pensive and quiet.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Henry asked, seeing that there was something clearly bothering her.
“I… had an uncle that lived with us from time to time and he would spy on me when I was dressing, try and sneak looks in the shower, stuff like that. Never touched me or anyone else that I know of, thank god, but man did it screw me up a bit still. Played havoc with my sense of security and even my sanity, never being quite sure it was real or all in my head. I wish I had said something, but I was afraid everyone would think I was overreacting or imagining it. I saw it in his eyes though, that look of... predatory lust. At least I didn't see anything like that in Paul's eyes. To this day it makes my skin crawl.”
“Good God, I can see how alone you must have felt in the middle of all that.” He squeezed her hand, she smiled up at him.
“Yeah, that was one of the hardest parts. I don’t think Paul is some raging pervert or anything, but it concerns me how normalized it was to him. Even if he isn’t being a creep with it, as if we can take his claims to be covering for me at face value. There is still no way I am going to let him have easy access to intimate videos of us, if I can possibly help it.” Chantal said before adding, “I’ll be all right, don’t worry about me. Let’s just get some sleep.”
Henry put his palm against the biometric scanner outside his room and the door slid open for them. They definitely needed some sleep after the emotional roller coaster of the past few hours, and the irresistible warm embrace of his bed called for him. The Q-Comm report could wait until he woke, he decided.
Better to have the electrical inspection ordered up, too.
I WANT A FULL REPORT AND INSPECTION PERFORMED ON THE ELECTRICAL FIRE IN CHANTAL’S ROOM BY THE START OF A SHIFT. – CAPT. O'TOOLE
Good enough. Henry thought as he sent the message. Now he could sleep. The chief could handle it from there.
MEANWHILE…
DATE : MARCH 10th, 7 A.U. LOCATION: SOL SYSTEM, ABOARD UTRN INDOMITABLE WILL
FIREMAN APPRENTICE SARAH CALLAHAN
It'll be back again tonight...
Sarah’s haunted thoughts repeated like a mantra. She had to be ready, but how? Her skin crawled and itched, the long sleeves of her BDU’s prevented her from being able to do anything about the painful sensation from the inflamed scratches they hid. She blearily rubbed at her sunken eyes, and she drained the rest of her coffee. All the numbers on the screen had started bleeding in together and her eyes hurt horribly, with the throbbing pain in her abdomen only compounding her misery.
“My god, Sarah, you look a wreck, hon. How have you been sleeping?” Yvonne, her shift partner asked, with concern in her voice.
“I have a monster tension headache, I just hope the meds kick in soon. Can you check my math? I need to get out of these white lights for a few minutes. Close my eyes for a bit, something, anything. I've been having nightmares again.” Sarah felt good, being able to admit it, and Yvonne had long since proven her friendship, so it was easier to actually speak.
“Yeah, no prob. As soon as I am done here I will check your readings and we can get out of here. Do you mean nightmares from the invasion?” Yvonne asked, carefully picking her words and tone.
“Kind of the same general themes, but different. Everything is going wrong, like the worst possible outcomes of my worst nightmares are all combining together. Like, it feels actively malicious, I don't know, its hard to explain...” Sarah said, bleakly.
“That’s hard, I am sorry. You need a shower, and an uninterrupted nap. Sleep deprivation plays all kinds of hell on the body and mind. I had a friend who went through an insomniac phase so extreme he would go days without sleeping. Wound up in the hospital after trying to drive to work while hallucinating his dead fiancée was sitting in the passenger seat screaming at him to watch out. Wound up rear-ending the car in front of him. Thank God he lived to tell the tale, but that is why it worries me to see you like this.” Yvonne planted her hand on Sarah’s shoulder as she told the story.
“Yikes, I think I slept like two hours into my sleep shift before I started having the nightmares again, woke up, and passed in and out of some restless sleep. It got really bad around oh three hundred. There were sounds... noises like scratching and a loud bang, and the shadows were moving. I just kept feeling like I was being watched, but everyone else seemed to be having disturbed sleep in their bunks. God, it was a creepy feeling.” Sarah took a moment to compose herself.
“I know how crazy this will sound, maybe that I am sleep deprived and likely hallucinating like your friend, but just hear me out. There was something there Yvonne, in the dark at the edge of perception, I could feel it. I also know I wasn’t the only one tossing and turning either. I could also hear scratchy whispering, too. I just hid, strapped in under the weighted blanket. At some point I slept some more, I must have, but not for what felt like a few stressful and draining hours. I'm just making a total mess of explaining this, aren’t I?”
“No, you're fine, girl! I am sorry that happened, my dorm has been pretty quiet, but I have always slept like a rock. Is there anything I can do?”
“I could use a hug.” Sarah said, which caused Yvonne to laugh, breaking some of the tension. They embraced warmly for a good minute, which did wonders for relieving some of the headache and her black mood.
“Thanks, Yvonne, I know it’s all in my head and it’s a vicious feedback cycle due to lack of quality sleep. Thanks for listening without calling me crazy.“ Sarah said, shying away from the last thing she hadn’t the courage to say.
She didn’t dare mention how she had hidden under the covers as she felt it get near. How she had felt something pushing on the mattress. How as her fear peaked, she herself peeked over the covers to find nothing there just to have the oppressive feeling evaporate along with the sensation of pressure by her feet. Her dorm mates all seemed to stop stirring after that, and only then did the nightmares stop for her that night. By then she was left with barely enough time for one last short sleep cycle before the start of A shift that very morning. This was a secret she would have to keep to herself, nobody would believe her anyway.
“I think I'll ask the Chief for a break from my duties today to rest and to visit med bay. Maybe they can give me something to help catch back up on my sleep.” Sarah said.
“Good idea, can I come with? I’ll back you up.” Yvonne said. Sarah smiled at her friend before she nodded at her before they checked off the last of their duties on site and headed away to find the Chief.

Re-done version of a previous fanscript bc I wanted to add more classic literature - enjoy :) (also, this one is set in season 2 and stars the Powercast girls almost exclusively, it was a lot of fun)
Scene: Wednesday and Enid are hanging about in their room, both reading - first upside down in her armchair, latter lying on her belly across her bed. There's a knock on the door.
Enid: Come in!
Bianca: (peeks in) Hey.
They greet her. Thing waves at her friendlily.
Bianca: (entering) Just wanted to drop by and ask if there's been any news from the town.
Wednesday: None. No new sighthings at all.
Bianca: Ah. Alright. (she waits for another moment, then turns to leave)
Enid: Wait.
Bianca turns to her.
Enid: You can stay for a bit.
Bianca: Actually, I have to ... (she stills for a moment, thinking) ... you know what, that's fine.
She walks over to Enid, who pats on the bed next to her, smiling. She sits down, fetching her phone.
Bianca: The fencing club is getting new equipment today, but ... I'll see it soon enough. I'll ask Davinia and Yoko to unpack it. If they don't mind.
Enid: (shrugs) Quality couple time, time for you to relax a bit. I think you can use it.
Bianca: What do you mean?
Enid: (nods at her hands holding the phone - her nailbeds are sore from picking at them)
Bianca: (a little somber) That's nothing.
Enid looks at her, then finishes typing something on her phone and moves to the back of the bed as the conversation continues
Wednesday: I'm afraid they still won't lift the curfew any time soon.
Bianca: (chuckles) Oh, no - that stays until next year, I'd say.
Enid: (getting back up, sitting down next to Bianca) Come on, I can't see this.
She unscrews a small, new tube of salve and takes Bianca's right hand, starting to apply it on the wounds. Bianca looks at her surprised, and her hand trembles for a moment - but then she decides to not pull it away. She looks ahead, sighing a little. Then she turns to her other hand - Thing presses it, avoiding the sore parts. She smiles a little.
Bianca: I didn't expect this level of friendliness in this room.
Wednesday: Insufferable, isn't it?
Enid: (snorts)
Wednesday: Do you want to say something?
Enid: (looking at her) Do you want me to?
They stare at each other for a moment, then first turns back to her book. Enid smiles, turning back to her work while Bianca holds back laughter.
Bianca: What are you reading?
Wednesday: (closes the book, revealing it to be "Catching Fire", the second Hunger Games installment)
Bianca: (does something between a gasp and a chuckle) Mainstream and YA? Addams, I'm shocked!
Wednesday: Enid suggested it.
Enid: I'm reading Dracula meanwhile.
Bianca: Really?
Enid: (chuckles) Didn't expect what I'd be given.
Wednesday: Journal entries and newspaper articles I thought would be to her taste. I'm glad I didn't have to search for long.
Bianca:: Huh. To be honest, reading letters or retold stories in a book always sounded with me really well.
Wednesday: I did like that element in Frankenstein. And Pride and Prejudice.
Bianca: (chuckles) No way. Jane Austen too, Addams? Do tell.
Wednesday: (looks at her)
Bianca: And not the added Zombies version, right? You went for the original.
Wednesday: Nothing more painful that reading about the english upper class. Besides, am I not allowed to like well-written dialogue?
Bianca: I was going to say, Austen is pretty smart usually.
Wednesday: The characters are for sure. Usually.
Enid: Also, Austen likes her protagonists to learn something without them being stupid.
Bianca: You don’t see that granted one often for sure.
Enid: It’s like the old Barbie movies. (she’s done with Bianca’s right hand and moves on to the left one)
Wednesday: What?
Bianca: Said by someone who’s never seen one.
Wednesday: Do tell yourself now, Barclay.
Bianca: Barbie’s usually a pretty good role model. I can’t remember an installment where she’s not clever or very hands-on when it comes to the plot.
Enid: Word. People come to her for help, and she can usually provide it until she needs some herself.
Wednesday: Huh.
Enid: Plus, those movies’ humour is underrated.
Bianca: Indeed. Still can’t get over the added bloopers.
Enid: Love those. (finishes applying the salve on her other hand)
Bianca: (quietly) Thank you.
Enid smiles. Bianca lies backwards onto the bed, looking at them.
Enid: (murmurs) Yeah, good idea.
She lies down next to her and they’re all quiet for a moment. Then Enid moves to turn around so she can lean her heels against the wall a bit. Bianca follows suit, relaxing.
Wednesday: I once came across a book called “Winter’s Bone”. The protagonist also can take care of herself really well, but she needs the help of others to get by still, and to solve her father’s disappearance.
Bianca: I remember that one. It’s really about the need of people of each other.
Wednesday: (looks at her) Interesting perspective.
Bianca: (shrugs) The whole story happens because she’s fighting to keep her loved ones, and protect them. And everyone else kinda rely on each other as well. Even when they try to get by themselves, they still need each other. That has an effect on the story a few significant times.
Enid: Yeah…
Bianca: (chuckles)
Wednesday: What now?
Bianca: I just remembered the movie adaptation was what launched the main actress into the Hunger Games.
Wednesday: Really? (looks at the book) Fitting.
Enid: Really was. And they stuck to the books like crazy. (she sighs, looking at the Dracula book lying around nearby) Wish that was more normal.
Bianca: (follows her look) I think I remember they ruined Lucy, right?
Enid: Mina as well. For the usual reasons. Too strong and active and too nice respectively.
Bianca: Hm.
They lie on the bed for a moment, looking at the ceiling.
Wednesday: We could have less of that. (thinks a moment) Enid?
Enid: Yes?
Wednesday: (lifts up her book) What did this series’ adaptation do concerning Prim?
Enid: Well, they didn’t add her skill and ability to focus as a healer that her mother has too in film 1, but they added it significantly in the second one… so you get the impression Prim matured this way when Katniss was absent, which still works for me.
Bianca: And that she’s just not a hunter like her sister, but a really needed healer. Which is great. The series does point out that everyone is good at something else. And how much Katniss needs her as the story goes on. By the end, their roles are almost reversed.
Wednesday: Slow down, I’m still in part 2.
Bianca: (chuckles) Sorry.
Enid: I’m glad you enjoy it this much.
Bianca: (raises her hands) While we’re at healing, this feels really good.
Enid: Yeah – I’m more of a healer than a hunter too, I guess. (sighs)
Bianca: Well, didn’t we just say that’s a good thing?
Enid looks at her, then smiles. Bianca returns it.
Bianca: (shows her her hands) Case in point.
Enid: You know what else is healing? (she fetches her phone) Any preferences for a playlist?
Wednesday: (sighs) Headphones.
Enid: Headphones?
Wednesday: (sighs again) Headphones please.
Enid: (smiles)
Bianca: Maybe some Disney?
Enid: (beams at her) Coming right up!
They relax back on the bed and Enid starts the playlist. They stare at the ceiling. The first song comes on – it’s “Mother knows best” from Rapunzel. They both cringe their noses. After a moment, Enid fetches her phone back and seeks the shuffle button.
Enid: Do you mind?
Bianca: No! Really not.
They look at each other for a moment – not saying anything, but seeing something in the other they understand. Enid presses the button and cuts the song of at “Mother knows-“. The next one is the reprise of “Part of your world” from “The Little Mermaid”. They both relax at it a little. Wednesday looks over at them, with a gentle look, and turns back to her book. After a moment however, she decides to fetch her own headphones and get some white noise to reading. Outside, Xavier opens the door to the balcony and comes walking towards the window. He looks to see if the girls are home, and sees Enid and Bianca chilling on the bed, having closed their eyes. As he looks closer, surprised and even raising an eyebrow at this, Thing slams against the glass flatly. He jumps back startled. The hand signals him to go away.
Xavier: Why?
Thing: (smacks the glass twice firmly)
Xavier: Ugh, fine! (he walks away)
Inside, the girls stir a little. They remove their headphones.
Enid: Did you hear something?
Wednesday and Bianca: (hear the door slam in the distance and exchange a look) No.
They go back to their music.

Ever since i've been a child i've had these dreams about a man, its like im awake but dont realise i aint awake?? first dream i had was when i was 7-8. i was in my childhood room, keep in mind i cannot sleep for the life of me, and at that time i didnt have sleeping pills. so i was doing my normal playing with plushies late night game. my room was on the second floor and i lived in a small town, my house was ontop of a mountian with a big forest right outside my window. but a small road just before it. as i looked out it was raining, the small light coming from the street light but it was flickering cuz it was old, i watched the rain drop but got an uneasy feeling as i looked further into the forest i saw him, he was a man, tall, strong but not too strong to it being his only feature. he looked like a normal man. his left hand had an axe. and i started to sweat as he walked slowly towards my house. stopping under the dim light. then up the driveway, then watched me like i watched him. he threw the axe at my window, and i must've woken up, but i didnt realize i was dreaming it, so i fell off my bed and ran to my parents room yelling at them that 'hes here' and call the cops. i still to this day dont remember it being a dream.
as some time went by, i didnt sleep at all. but only night i fell asleep, but woke up to an uneasy feeling like the first dream. then i heard it, our doorbell. i somehow didnt get scared and just walked downstairs, knowing he was there. i opened our door, and walked out. it was propally in the middle of the night cuz it was fully dark. i started to walk towards the forest. knowing he was there. my ma stopped me. asking the hell i was doing. i straight up told her 'hes here' but then realised what i was doing. keep in mind, i was too scared as a kid to even leave my bed at night. i still dont get how i just walked out of the house without sobbing.
my dreams slowed down. i felt uneasy sometimes but kept telling myself it was a dream and i was okay, even tho i was actually awake. it fully went away in some years, moslty cuz i never slept. but when i moved to a diffrent place he came back. first one after a while was while i was babysitting this dog for two weeks, he had been there for a week atleast at that point. i woke up and went upstairs, sitting on the arm rest on my sofa and scratching the austrelian sheperds ears. he was pretty big so he was perfect height for it, but then he got a freaked out face on. like he knew someone was there but didnt dare to look. i was confused and got the uneasy feeling again, i looked over at this corner, as i look down i saw two shoes. and i know for a fact no one was home cuz it was summer break and everyone in my fam was at work. i didnt say a word, my breath stopped as i saw the shoes move a bit. then i woke up, with a full on panic attack. it felt so real.
some days later i dreamt another dream. it felt so real, i was doing my morning rutine, but when i came to the living room which is upstairs. i saw my whole family, mom, dad, and my big brother. they were towering over something on the floor. it was an dark aura around it as i kept asking them why there were home and not at work. but they had the same as the dog in the other dream had. i looked more down. the shoes were at the floor with some jakcet over them. but then somone started to crawl out of it, hands gripping the floor as it came to life. and i woke up.
after that he kept coming. one dream i had was while i was sleeping at my aunts in my childhood city. i dreamt like i was walking back to my old house, going to check it out. but when i came there, all the windows, door and carage was fully open and fully dark inside. all our stuff was thrown out of the house laying at the drive way. i went up and kncoked on the wall next to the open door. no one came so i turned around going to leave. but when i turned around someone grabbed me, dragging me inside the dark empty house. i looked down as it happened and then i saw it again, those shoes.
im starting to lose track on what happens after what, but i remeber always feeling awake as it happens, to the point i dont know if im awake or dreaming anymore. ive had plenty of dreams of just living and then seeing him stareing. then waking up. i wont name them all but imma name the worst ones.
still during the summer i was laying in my bed, my room is very small, and my window is next to my bed, but i got curtains over the window to block the sun light, i was watching tiktok as i layd there, but then i got that uneasy feeling again, i looked to my door, and the light in the hallway made it easy to see two shoes blocking the light. i sat more up, grabbing some scissors i had next to my bed on my desk. as i sat started to sit even more up i heard knocking on my window, i fully turned my eyes there, and it was a gap just with the curtians enough to see some of the window, and there he was sititng, leaning down to meet my gaze. same shoes as always. i woke up in a panic. i didnt even know if i was awake or not. but i looked towards my window, and it was a gap with my curtians, its never a gap there cuz its creepy.
Another dream i had was that me and my family was at this place, my pa was sunbathing and i was chilling inside. its like a hotell. i kept going out to check on my dad as it started to get dark and i got an uneasy feeling. i knew something would happen. as i went out again, i found my dad laying on his sunchair, only that his limbs had been awfully ripped off. just where is knees started his leg stopped, just where his elbow started his arm stopped. and he had that look on his face like in the others dreams whenever someone saw him. i ran inside agsin and got met by his gaze as i woke up in panic. i ran to my parents room as they were dead asleep. but i needed to check if it was real cuz it felt so real.
im seeing that im writing a lot so imma just hurry up with the newest ones.
one dream i was back at my childhood home, i was with my two friends from there as we were playing in some tunnels made from WW2. me and my friend was supposed to find our other friend cuz he ran away somewhere. but as we looked she also dissepeared. i looked around. i saw some stairs, i know exaclty where i am and is 100& i was there, the stairs leads you to the dakrest point of the tunnel, its like your eyes are closed cuz its fully dark, as i went down i stood still for a second trying to hear them. but only thing i heard was the mans heavy breathing. in every damn dream he has this heavy breathing. i woke up with a scream as i dreamt that.
this is the newest one, only last week i dreamt of him again.
i was biking to my nearest shop for a drink, as i went back my bike had stopped cuz something happened with it, it does that sometimes. so i walked instead. it was fully dark outside and raning just so slightly. but as i looked forward in the small street, i saw him walking towards me. his head slighty turned to his side like hes watching me. with a knife in his left hand. i woke up with my breath knocked out of me, i went out again with a friend, we were getting some snacks to watch a movie, it was late, so it was dark. she sat behind me on my bike as we biked the same way i did in my dream. i got like a deja vu from my dream. but i was awake for sure, cuz i had already dreamt. but then i saw him again. the sight made me crash the bike into a small hole. she fell off as well did i. i quickly sat up a bit and went to help her sit up from the fall. but then as i was helping her i felt that uneasy feeling. but i didnt turn. her face went like everyones face whenever they see him. i didnt have time to turn. the knife he held in the other dream went straight into her collarbones. i turned around in fear only to be met by him sitting close to me, watching me with a damn mask on, the mask is fully black wiht a white lines a cross of it with some 2-3 other small lines over it. i had, had a double dream. it felt so unreal. and i never know if im awake anymore.
i went to a therapist for it one time cuz i hadnt slept for two week straight, and my parents got worried, and they tried to sign me up for pills. but i told them i was getitng better cuz i didnt wanna take pills and get worse.
PS. one dream i had was that i was in school, i had a morning rutine. getting ready, biking down there, sititng in fucking math class, learning math!! but then i got an uneasy feeling as i saw him just stand next to the door to the classroom watching me. that was an annoying dream cuz when i woke up i actually had to do it all over again.
but he seems to alwyas hurt people i know but never seems to hurt me, just stare, watching or some touches. ive had one dream where he shot my two best childhood friends in my old woods at where i used to live. it felt so real, i saw their pain as i hid behind a rock, as he just shot them with a hunting gun. and while they're brains were dripping everywhere he just stared at me and walked closer till i wake up.
i srs dont know what is happening, its creepy and idk if im dreaming or awake anymore. i be hanging with friends but get the uneasy feeling and just run off. into the woods or hide or legit start to sob.

Hey everybody,
I have been dating my gf for a year and a half now and in September we're planning to go on a trip together. We've had a few weekend visits to different cities, but nothing far and nothing where I felt like I couldn't leave if it's too much. Now, we're talking about maybe going to another country and discussing maybe spending two weeks together. We get a long really well, we love each other and our communication feels safe and reliable.
The problem is: my body fucking hates it. The close proximity, sharing a bed for more than one or two nights, feeling like I depend on the other person, having to interact almost constantly, the amount of physical touch... I just cannot handle it. I get nightmares, I can't eat anymore, I feel nauseous and it can escalate to full on flue like symptoms, constant pain and body flashbacks. I become extremely avoidant as soon as we're alone (to the point of not being able to look her in the eye anymore and sleeping fully clothed) and sometimes become really silent and distracted. All of which are just so fun when you're trying to relax on vacation and such an amazing experience to have within a relationship that usually functions well and is very loving. I get super conflicting emotions and, maybe the worst part, can barely hide how happy I am when we're finally on our way home... After the trips, it takes me two or three full days to get back in touch with myself and to get out of a state of panic and hypervigilance. It gets slightly better from time to time but if the trip would happen tomorrow, I'm 100% confident it would retraumatise me and end the relationship.
Now. The not-trauma-part of my brain really, really wants this and I am generally willing to deal with whatever to make this or a version of this happen, that's why I'm starting now to prepare and to come up with new strategies. I'm also talking to my therapist about it and with the gf as well. I would love to hear some of your experiences and how you navigate an extreme fear of intimacy/closeness in situations where you kinda have to be close. Thanks, any answer is appreciated. <3

I happen to be in a relationship for a period of 7 years now. It started when I was in college and everything was smooth. Though we did have the right amount of breakups in between, but it all made sense, to stick by her and rise in my career and she also felt happy. I am into teaching youngsters in a school and parallely have some online classes as well. She is currently doing her graduation and busy in college life and I too, owing to work, had to discount some of our time together to make up for the rise in career which I am currently seeing. I mean I am in the peak of my career(to be honest). The time which I am not giving her currently is due to the fact that I want her to give everything. I had a fairly poor financial background but there was never fancy dates etc but I do value her as something which is beyond the normal. I have made self made gifts too when I had financial problem so to make her feel warm and happy.
However there are certain instances which I have observed.
I. Once we were in a temple and like good guys, I wished she would be mine. The same day I found out she was texting her ex on the same temple premise. After a fight it was okay.
II. She will give her number to random guy she met on bus or train and confront me saying that I couldn't say no.
III. In the beginning of our relationship, I was little over protective like Baat mat karo kind of.. Which i later ended completely and have her full freedom.6 Montgs ago, she told me she was going to dinner with some friend in college. I said it's alright and didn't bother much.
IV. Recently during our recent meetup, she was behaving differently, like she mentioned that she is seeing someone but still kissing me while saying it. I thought she was joking and later she denied. But she will not make eye contact while saying that. During those days my work was coming too much in between and I trusted her so I didn't say anything.
V. Recently I came to know that she is dating a guy from college and they kissed and stuff. Initially I couldn't tolerate. Tried to talk to her but she won't listen to meet. I went to meet her and found out that it was too late. Now she is throwing everything about it on me. Like you didn't give time etc. Dude I had a future planned. I was working to have our first house together. Sent her pics of apartments etc. She said she announced it to me and hence it's not cheating. How should I take it.
I am currently not able to think straight and the thoughts of it is ruining everything. Even my career. I feel as if my left side of chest is having a sinking feeling. There is pain and it's never ending.
Please tell me what I should I do.
Ignore typos if any.

When I was young around grade 1, I had this friend in my street, I can't remember much of the time I spent with this guy but I can remember him hurting me like hitting me and shit when I didn't do what he wanted. He smacked my knee with a wrench once. I just fell to the ground. We were decent friends until I told him that I wanted to be girl, I remember him telling me how to do certain things to men. (Seems like he was a victim too). Anyway, throughout my childhood my mother was pretty abusive, she was dealing with psychosis and paranoid delusions, she coped with alcohol and taking it out on dad and I, we would be kicked out, he would be hit manipulated screamed at all the sorts. Anyway it got too much for her one day and she decided to try and smother Me, she then attempted suicide. (I don't remember how it ended I just remember waking up on my bed)
All throughout primary/highschool, I would let people use me. I had very little back bone for myself, I think I was half trying to figure out things that had happened. One time when I had to leave home for a bit cause dad was being violent the persons whos house I was staying at made me touch him in exchange for the place.
I had this friend, he stayed over one night. I think it was one of our birthdays (btw I've had very mixed gendered friends, all very close) Anyway, we were drinking and smoking and eventually he started to ask me if I wanted to do things. I said no, repeatedly. He just kepted asking and was acting all bummed I just felt like shit, I got more drunk and just said yeah sure. The next thing I remember I was bent over my bed, my god it was horrible, it's just flashes of pain and crying and asking him to stop before I moved and pushed him away. I can't remember how the night ended but the next morning was so horrible, I bled from it all. In the future I wasn't so resistant, he would just make me feel bad, I would let him do whatever, the feeling of bits of him left inside me, makes me want to die all by it self. I felt so disgusting I feel so disgusting
Anyway, later on I had gotten into a relationship with this girl. We were together from the ages 17-20 (She like everyone else in my life knew who I was) She knew that sex was horrible for me, I still put out for her when I could. But when I couldn't, she didn't care, she would tell me I'm responsible for her mental decline and things. So I would just give in, most of the time I would just give her oral I preferred this. Sometimes though she wanted to touch me, i would protest and offer alternatives but she didn't care she would just start touching me, eventually she started to insert her fingers and I would literally have tears I my eyes saying no and she'd just keep going if not harder when I said to stop.
I just, fucking hate myself so much, I can't get it out of my head that I did this shit to myself. I feel so disconnected from it all, like the pain and emotions are there but it's just like watching a movie. I feel so disgusting, on edge I'm always In fight or flight, I'm tired I just want to die most of the time.
I just, idk, I still consider these people friends. I can't convince my brain that this was fucked. Like do I just not care and move on? Not talking with em about it or what idk I'm lost I just wanna cry
Idc if the main account causes problems, I just need my possible reasons heard

I'm about at my wits' end here...my situation:
I've had my beautiful 13-year-old, 65-lb. blue merle for 11 years. He's vastly different from almost any other Aussie I've ever met: low-energy, a bit shy, and totally laid back. Of course, he's also affectionate, fun, and like your Aussie, cracker-jack smart.
He is 100% food-motivated; he has zero interest in toys.
He also has exactly zero bad habits. None. No chewing, excessive barking, accidents in the house. He's obedient, fantastic on a leash, sweet. So why am I losing my mind? Because, as of a week ago, he has decided he's done taking the medicine that controls his arthritis and pain. I mean, he's just not having it anymore.
Here's what I have tried using thus far to wrap/disguise his pills:

1. Pill pockets of varying flavors and textures
2. Slicy cheese
3. Lunch meats/hot dogs
4. A marshmallow
5. Meatballs that I made myself, just for him
6. Crushing up the pills to powder, and sprinkling them in his food, along with some beef broth and a dusting of Parmesan (his favorite) -- only to have him take one sniff and walk away
7. Doing the last-resort forcing to the back of the throat, only to have him beat me at the game every single time (I guess I just don't have the talent; when I push it to the back of his mouth, the split second it takes me to get my good hand to force his beak shut is all he needs to shake free and spit it out).

NB: I am five feet tall, kind of small, and not very strong. I'm ashamed to say he just overpowers me in order to get away.
At risk of sounding overdramatic: it's affecting our peaceful life together, in that now he's afraid to eat from his bowl, or accept any treat from me. As I sit here at my desk at 5:45 a.m., he's lying on the floor next to me, and I'm listening to his stomach growl. It's pitiful.
So before I raise the white flag and call the vet about injections (which I dread), I thought I'd check here. Anyone else have a near-impossible situation like this and come out successful? Any advice appreciated, and sorry for the long treatise.

When I was young around grade 1, I had this friend in my street, I can't remember much of the time I spent with this guy but I can remember him hurting me like hitting me and shit when I didn't do what he wanted. He smacked my knee with a wrench once. I just fell to the ground. We were decent friends until I told him that I wanted to be girl, I remember him telling me how to do certain things to men. (Seems like he was a victim too). Anyway, throughout my childhood my mother was pretty abusive, she was dealing with psychosis and paranoid delusions, she coped with alcohol and taking it out on dad and I, we would be kicked out, he would be hit manipulated screamed at all the sorts. Anyway it got too much for her one day and she decided to try and smother Me, she then attempted suicide. (I don't remember how it ended I just remember waking up on my bed)
All throughout primary/highschool, I would let people use me. I had very little back bone for myself, I think I was half trying to figure out things that had happened. One time when I had to leave home for a bit cause dad was being violent the persons whos house I was staying at made me touch him in exchange for the place.
I had this friend, he stayed over one night. I think it was one of our birthdays (btw I've had very mixed gendered friends, all very close) Anyway, we were drinking and smoking and eventually he started to ask me if I wanted to do things. I said no, repeatedly. He just kepted asking and was acting all bummed I just felt like shit, I got more drunk and just said yeah sure. The next thing I remember I was bent over my bed, my god it was horrible, it's just flashes of pain and crying and asking him to stop before I moved and pushed him away. I can't remember how the night ended but the next morning was so horrible, I bled from it all. In the future I wasn't so resistant, he would just make me feel bad, I would let him do whatever, the feeling of bits of him left inside me, makes me want to die all by it self. I felt so disgusting I feel so disgusting
Anyway, later on I had gotten into a relationship with this girl. We were together from the ages 17-20 (She like everyone else in my life knew who I was) She knew that sex was horrible for me, I still put out for her when I could. But when I couldn't, she didn't care, she would tell me I'm responsible for her mental decline and things. So I would just give in, most of the time I would just give her oral I preferred this. Sometimes though she wanted to touch me, i would protest and offer alternatives but she didn't care she would just start touching me, eventually she started to insert her fingers and I would literally have tears I my eyes saying no and she'd just keep going if not harder when I said to stop.
I just, fucking hate myself so much, I can't get it out of my head that I did this shit to myself. I feel so disconnected from it all, like the pain and emotions are there but it's just like watching a movie. I feel so disgusting, on edge I'm always In fight or flight, I'm tired I just want to die most of the time.
I just, idk, I still consider these people friends. I can't convince my brain that this was fucked. Like do I just not care and move on? Not talking with em about it or what idk I'm lost I just wanna cry
Idc if the main account causes problems, I just need my possible reasons heard

So I have ADHD & Chronic Anxiety, I’ve been biting my nails for as long as my brain could comprehend my existence. I bite my fingernails unknowingly very often and usually once a month after a shower & a deep foot cleaning I’ll purposely go out of my way to bite my toenails, to the point where it hurts to put shoes on or even socks and their bleeding. I know it’s an awfully gross habit but the pain of ripping off the nails and chewing them is so satisfying that I like to do it and lowkey get excited when my toenails have grown in again. I am well aware that it’s gross and a terrible habit. Would love some advice on how I could stop myself from wanting to go out of my way to do this, I frankly don’t think the nail biting will ever stop as it’s just become an anxiety coping mechanism atp, but the toe nail shit bothers me lowkey. I also, love (unrelated) the feeling the peeling the skin off my lips and chewing the inside of my mouth & tongue when extremely stressed.
Any advice would be so appreciated or just others letting me know I’m not alone, ty!

[TW]: insects, SH
I woke up two days ago with two itchy bites on my ankle, and it's all been a whirlwind from there. I've pretty much convinced myself that I have bedbugs living in my bed, based on the following:

1. The two bites I've described, plus some other skin irregularities/itchy patches (the latter may be imagined) I've noticed on my body.
2. A blood patch I found on my bedsheets.
3. Something I found on the floor, which I took to be a molted bed bug shell.

Now, from a rational perspective I know I'm overreacting completely. And here's why:

1. After discovering the bites, I found a mosquito in my room. Though the bites don't look like other mosquito bites I get and were somewhere that I assumed was covered by bedding while I slept. But it's still probably the mosquito, and if not, I did sit the night before in my friend's car, who recently got a dog. It's possible they could be flea bites.
2. The blood patch looked fairly old, and by Googling it seems bed bug blood patches would be smaller and darker. It's also possible either my girlfriend or I had a spot/pimple that bled in our sleep - we both have some on our back.
3. That "shell" I found was the same colour as a bed bug, but apparently their molted shells are translucent, and this one lacked any "bug parts" (antennae, legs) and had a different texture than I would expect. Could just as easily have been a seed from a bread loaf.

Nevertheless here I am tearing up my mind about bedbugs, scrutinising my mattress constantly, and washing my clothes and sheets at 60° even though I usually do 40° because it's gentler. The bedbugs subreddit does not help because everyone over there seems as anxious as me, and every "is this a bed bug/shell/egg" post gets a few yes responses despite a real diversity in the pictures posted. The thing with bed bugs is they're practically unfalsifiable: they're good at hiding, so you don't see them, their bites vary from person to person, and they can go for long periods without feeding.
Like I said, I likely don't have bedbugs. The fear stems from a budget hotel my friend booked us in to two weeks ago, which wasn't the cleanest. But I did check the mattresses there, and they seemed to pass the test. My friend actually moved on to a second hotel after I went home that did have bed bugs, and he said it was immediately noticeable. I visited India last year, and when my friend jokingly talked about bringing bedbugs home on the return flight (we didn't encounter any) the thought played on my mind for a couple weeks, but this time is more intense.
The only reprieve I get from worrying about them is when I'm distracted, like at work. I did a pretty intense yoga session yesterday and didn't think about it once, but as soon as we brought the session to a close with a meditation, they were back all over my mind.
I also know that, worse case scenario, if I did have them, I'd have to call an exterminator and be out €2000, which would be utterly shit but wouldn't kill me. It's not like the bugs can kill me or even hurt me either. I thought about calling an inspector, but I don't want to spend all that money (and probably anger my landlord) just for reassurance.
I've always been an overthinker and have struggled with anxiety throughout my life. In the past year or two, though, I've noticed some more intrusive thoughts:

1. My ex and I had a place last year and she had a cat. One day when I was leaving for work I didn't pull the door all the way closed. My ex noticed and chewed me out (another story) because it was an indoor cat. But for months afterwards this led me to coming back to the house after leaving for work (sometimes already after walking 10 minutes), coming home early, or staying home completely. At this time I also had a depressive period and my work suffered for a few months as a result.
2. After my breakup when I moved into my new place, I put a hanging plant attachment into the roof and couldn't shake the feeling I'd hit a gas line, even after my Dad (a tradesman) told me they were unlikely to be in that part of the ceiling. I left on a work trip abroad the same day and for the first day away all I thought about was returning to a blown-up apartment. I had a similar feeling when my fridge gas pipe ruptured - I thought I was gonna die in my sleep and ventilated my flat for days.
3. I'm terrified of fire, always have been, but lately I've been unplugging things every time I leave my office because I'm afraid I'll burn the whole place down. I recently quit smoking with the help of an e-cigarette, but for the first week or two I had it I was often terrified it would explode in my pocket.
4. I had an unexplainable pain in my nether regions for a few months that took A LONG TIME to diagnose (turned out to be a muscle problem). But I was constantly anxious about testicular torsion and I wondered why doctors/urologists didn't care. At one point I remember telling myself "I think you want testicular torsion just so you know you're right."
5. When I leave my house I check my balcony door is locked and that the stove is turned off, usually only once, maybe twice. Regarding unplugging things in work, I've once sent my colleague to check something in my office after I left, under false pretenses, in the hope that if something bad had happened (a fire) they would notice and catch it in time.
6. I have - very, very rarely, probably less than 5 times in my life - been consumed momentarily by thoughts of self-harm. Mostly it's fleeting like the intrusive thought I guess everyone gets occasionally, just pushing your brain to consider the worst. However, twice - once after trying SSRIs for my depressive episode and again at random more recently - I had thoughts of slitting my wrists that scared the fuck out of me and sat with me for a good few hours.

I've been in therapy before for anxiety but stopped for a while because my therapist's son got really sick and stopped all sessions. When I look at all this, written out, I'm honestly starting to convince myself that the more likely thing going on here is that I have undiagnosed mild OCD.
However, these thoughts don't normally take over my whole day - I can usually get away from them if I'm distracted, and most of the time they don't bother me unrelentingly, just mildly. Also, besides the unplugging of electronics and checking of locks - which I do not do universally - I don't really think I have any compulsions. These are things I would expect if I had diagnosable OCD, though I don't know much about the condition or the spectrum it exists within.
What are your thoughts? Does it sound like anxiety or OCD experience? I'm planning to go back to therapy next month if I can (it's hard to get appointments where I live, especially in my native language), but do you have any tips for dealing with such thoughts by myself too?
Many thanks for taking the time to read.

Life, it's so unfair, it's beautiful yet cruel. What is the meaning and purpose of life anyways? We live, we die. Every living, breathing thing.....dies....Just one day up and.... dies. Nobody knows what is after death. Is there really an afterlife or is it just... Nothingness..... If it's nothingness, like before we were born, where we remember nothingness. Then why is there life, of any kind...... What then is the purpose of being a living being of any kind. We're told to have "faith and "believe" but how, when everything .. dies...
I can't wrap my head around it.
My precious NutterButter Petey Pete, I still can't wrap my head around the fact you are no longer physically here. It's like a nightmare I can't wake up from. We had a rough life with good times as well, together for 12.5 years. Where did that time go? Why didn't I have more money to tend to you better. Why did I think February 15th 2024 would never happen. Why did I not run you to the vet more often. Why was I in denial and not believing something more may had been going on with your health. Why did I ever yell at you. Why did I get frustrated with you at times during your last year. Why didn't we build the ramp for you sooner. Why did I not love you more and harder. Why did you have to get cancer. Why did they not discover it sooner. Why did all they want to do back when they found your liver enzyme kept rising and nothing was bringing it down. Why did they only want to just keep rechecking it and doing nothing more while it rose off the chart. Why did they only give you meds for your arthritis and IVDD (gabapentin and Caprofen). Why did I not get a second opinion. Why trust one dogtor. Why did I not do more for you. Why did I not face reality in it all. Why was I such a financially poor pet parent. Why did and why do I just suck as a human. Why did you have to leave me 😭😭😭💔💔💔
NutterButter Petey Pete, I hope you hear me when I talk to you be it in silence or out loud. Pete, I hope you know how deeply I loved you and forever will. Pete, I still feel your presence around me. Pete, who da puppyhead, Pete da puppyhead, who da good boy, Pete a good boy ❤️ remember me always saying that to you? Pete, remember me asking almost daily since you were a baby " What do you think Pete, the whole world's fucked up, yeah, me too buddy." Pete, remember me calling you my baby dog? Pete, remember me calling you an asshole? Calling you a shit and a shithead? Telling you you're a pain in the ass? Damnit how I absolutely loved you!!! Remember I'd sing, "you're my best friend in the whole wide world, you're my best friend in da whole wide world." And singing "I love you, you love me, were a happy family, you and me and me and you, together we'll always be." Pete, remember how you'd hug me with your head and neck around my neck when you were younger. How you'd snuggle in tight against me when we'd sleep. How you'd bark at me at 8 pm at night because you were ready for bed and snuggle, even if we were somewhere else, we'd have to leave and go home because, that's where you wanted to be, at 8 pm. Goofball 😂 I'm smiling, crying and giggling while writing this for you. You, Pete, were my heart and soul pup. You forever will be. You sent me another pup and me for him about five ish weeks after you left this world. He too is a shithead lol. He's a good boy, just like you were. Pete, I thank you for sending him and I to each other. He's helped me grieve the loss of you. He's still helping me get through this all. I was really going down a spiral and I know this is your way of saying you love me, you want me to go on, heal and feel comfort.
Petey, I know you are around me, I feel your presence very often. I feel you the strongest when I'm driving. I feel you riding on the console next to me watching straight ahead while we roll down the road. I remember your antsiness and lord it'd drive me crazy lol. Like you had ADHD or something lol. How you'd drive me insane with that cocker spaniel barking when you'd get excited or wanted attention when you couldn't see me or when I'd walk down to the ducks to feed them while you were on the porch and could see me clearly. Lol. You sure we're a crazy pup, but you were mine and I loved you beyond measure and you could also annoy me beyond measure lol.
Petey, Three months today I had to make that final horrible last call for you. FUCK Cancer!!!!!! Fffffffuuuuuuccccckkkkk 🤬😭🤬
I thought I had more days, weeks and was hoping for at least a couple more years with you. But then January 22nd 2024 came. That's when you and I got the devastating news... You had a splenic mass and metastatic liver disease 💔
WTF!!!?????
Whyyyyyyyyyy!!!!????
Oh Petey, the love of my life, the apple of my eye, my utmost best friend in the world, why did this happen to you 💔😭
I'm so sorry I failed you, I'm so sorry little buddy, I'm so sorry 💔
Please forgive me, Pete, for the times I've yelled at you, got frustrated with you, got annoyed or hurt your feelings in any way 😔
I love you my good boy ❤️ Forever and always 🕊️
Stay near me Pete, I still need you! You can go play, but stay close by me, ok?
I love you to the moon and beyond!!!!
Your mommy....

A fanfiction of The Nature of Predators by SpacePaladin15 https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/u19xpa/the_nature_of_predators/
Previous Prologue Next
Memory Transcription Subject: Slanek, Venlil Space Corps
Date [standardized Earth time]: August 21, 2136
Walking into the lab, we were welcomed by a Pokemon that looked oddly familiar to me, a pink creature with predatory eyes and small wings that looked completely vestigial. It wasn’t until I saw the Human inspecting a large screen embedded in the wall that I recognised them. Lilith and Sara, who were among the first Terrans to have visited Venlil Prime. Lilith, whose species was the ‘Clefable’ if I remember correctly, gestured for the three of us to come further into the lab.
“Hello there, thank you for coming so soon after settling in! It seems a lot of Venlil are quite excited to do the Infinity Energy tests.”
I give a slightly nervous ear flick in response.
“I uh, really just wanted to get this over and done with.”
“Right, well in that case you’ll be glad to know that this takes no time at all. It’ll be over before you know it, and you’ll have your exchange partners beside you through the whole process.”
I look up at Marcel and Felix, who both give me further reassuring glances. Marcel seems a little nervous though, awkwardly standing just in front of the door and obviously having no idea what he should be doing. As the Clefable leads me over to a chair and gestures for me to take a seat, she passes over a piece of paper and a pen.
“This is the consent form, please read it out completely and carefully before writing your basic information and signature.”
Lilith then bounds away to converse with Sara, who is still looking at the large screen teeming with strange writing and graphs. As I read through the consent form, I only grow more worried.
‘Permanent Infinity Energy infusion.’
‘Monitored for remainder of Space Corps service.’
‘Possibility of previously unknown side effects.’
I look over to Marcel and Felix, beckoning them over with a wave of my tail. Marcel kneels down beside the chair, bringing the three of us to roughly eye level as Felix rests on his shoulder.
“Sorry, but can you two just… stay close? This seems a bit more intense than I was expecting.”
Felix nods furiously, followed by Marcel giving a small, closed mouth smile.
“Of course, we’ll be right here.”
“After this is over, we can all get some food from the cafeteria. A nice salad or something, alright?”
The Human’s suggestion sounds nice, and my tail sways in agreement. I sign the form after reading through it a second time, and Lilith soon comes over to collect it. As she does so, I see Sara walking over with some wires and wool clips. She places them on a nearby table before turning to finally address me.
“Hello Mr Slanek, sorry for the wait. It’s just, the data we’ve gathered so far from the other Venlil is beyond fascinating. It's an amazing opportunity to investigate how life not native to Earth reacts with Infinity Energy and uh… you probably don’t care, sorry.”
With a lightly red hue showing in her cheeks, she grabs the wires and clips, and gets started on attaching them to various points on my body. From my knees to my paws, snout, ears, stomach, chest, tail… almost everywhere, really. This all only makes my nerves grow even more.
“Now, just as a warning, this will probably hurt a bit. It’s only for a moment though, and it just means that everything is working.”
As Sara attaches the last clip to the wool on my back, she walks back over to large screen on the opposite wall, which I am surprised to find now displays a wireframe model of myself. I notice my paws are beginning to shake slightly, and I turn towards my exchange partners, hoping to find solace. Not so long ago, I would never have even fathomed the idea of looking to predators for comfort, but now…
I reach out a shaking paw towards them. After hesitating for a moment, a look of surprise coming over his face, Marcel reaches out and takes hold of it. Felix scurries down the Human’s arm and places his own small paw on top of mine as Marcel gives it a gentle squeeze.
Turning back to the rest of the lab, Sara is swiping her hand to rotate the wireframe model of my body, while Lilith is retrieving something from a large, formerly locked box nearby. She pulls out a small yellow crystal, and walks back over to me. Sara sidles up beside her partner, and double checks the wire clips one last time as the Clefable holds out the crystal to me.
“This is a revive, which will inject Infinity Energy directly into you. Make sure you hold onto it tight, ok?”
I take a deep breath, giving Marcel’s hand and Felix’s paw a gentle squeeze as I do so.
“Understood.”
I reach out with my other paw, and grab onto the revive. For a moment, nothing happens, but then the revive begins to glow. I shut my eyes tight against the blinding light, and tighten my grip on the crystal. A strange sensation, like waves of pressure, emanate from where the revive touches my paw. Through my arm, across my chest, up my neck and down my navel un-
“BRAKH!”
I cry out as pain suddenly engulfs my snout and legs. A loud beeping noise comes from the clips attached to them, which I silently pray means that everything is working as it should. It feels like my legs are trying to rip themselves apart at the knees, and I understand instantly why I’m sat down for this. My snout too lights up, as if on fire without the heat, forcing me to grit my teeth until my jaw starts hurting as well from the preassure alone. I tighten my grip on both the revive and my partners. I feel weight shifting, and Felix’s paw disappears. Not a moment later, something warm and fuzzy jumps up onto the chair beside me, reaching up to rest a paw on my shoulder.
“It’s alright, we’re right here.”
I go to wrap my tail around him, only to find something strange. My tail has gone numb. The mixture of sensations, from numbness to pain, continues for a little while. As the revive breaks down into grey dust, I can finally open my eyes and unclench my teeth. Steadily, the searing pain fades, leaving my tail numb and my snout and legs sore. I breathe deeply again, and I turn my attention to Felix and Marcel. I retrieve my paw from Marcel’s grip and Felix hops back down from the chair. The Human reaches over to lightly pat me on the back.
“There we go, all over now. You did great, Slanek.”
“Th-thanks.”
Lilith comes over and begins detaching the clips from my wool, while Sara is already tapping away at the screen, the wireframe model of my body now looking very different than it was before. The majority of it is now coloured a stark white, although notably my snout and legs are a dimmer shade of muted grey. The only splash of actual colour is in my tail, the entire limb a vivid purple, most intense at the tip. After inspecting it for a moment, Sara turns back around to address me.
“Thank you for coming, Mr Slanek. The full results of this test will be sent to your holopad shortly, but I’ll give you the most important information now.”
Sara taps the screen a few times, and labels written in Venscript appear as a key for the colours.
White – Mixed
Violet – Poison
Grey – Unknown
“Your results are consistent with what we’ve seen in all the other Venlil that have been tested so far. Most of your body contain a mixture of all Types of IE, similar to Humans. Different Venlil seem to have the Poison IE concentrate in different areas of the body, I’ve seen it in arms, abdomen, throat, wool and elsewhere. For you it’s in the tail, which so far seems fairly common. The grey zones are the most interesting, as they’re in the same areas for each and every Venlil; the snout and legs. Combine that with how this energy isn’t quite Normal but also not Typeless, not to mention it’s almost complete lack of reactivity to external or internal stimuli… it will certainly be an area of research I'll happily dive into soon.”
As Sara explains the results of the test, Marcel helps me to stand up again. At first, I’m a little unsteady as my legs still feel slightly odd, but leaning on his arm helps. The numb feeling in my tail slowly fades, and I experimentally shake it back and forth a few times. There is… Poison in it? It doesn’t feel any different, at least at the moment. After Lilith and Sara once again thank me for my cooperation, the three of us are ushered out of the lab, left standing together in the hallway as another mini herd files in after us. I turn to look up at my companions, a slight bloom making its way onto my face.
“Hey, uh, sorry for what happened in there. To predators it’s probably a show of weakness to need someone sticking nearby but-”
“Okay, we’re nipping that ‘weakness’ shit in the bud right now.”
Felix’s surprising angry voice catches me off guard, and for a second I’m worried that I said something to make him mad. I realise that, in a way, I had… but not for the reason I thought.
“Needing a friend ain’t weakness, Slanek. Just look at Marc and I!”
Marcel smiles at the Buizel, before turning his gaze back down at me. His predatory gaze seems stern, and yet somehow friendly, despite that being essentially oxymoronic.
“Slanek, if I’ve learned anything from my time in the military, it’s that ‘weak’ and ‘strong’ are meaningless words in isolation. People can only reach their full potential when they have others lifting them up, whether they be a Human or Pokemon. I doubt Venlil are any different.”
Something flashes through my mind, a memory that Marcel's words invoked. Of course. One of the first pieces of Terran media I saw after First Contact; 'The Power of Us'. Felix nods along excitedly, jumping down from the Human's shoulder to be a bit closer to my level.
“Never call yourself weak again, alright? Marcel and I were already growing stronger with just the two of us, but now we have a brand-new friend? The three of us together will be unstoppable!”
Marcel snickers slightly.
“Not really the angle I was going for, but sure. Anyway, that packet of chips wasn't nearly enough. Like I said earlier, let’s go grab something from the cafeteria, alright?”
Seemingly immediately forgetting the previous topic, Felix’s eyes light up and his tails whir into action.
“Oh! I hope they have Wacan berries!”
As Felix rapidly ascends back up onto Marcel’s shoulder, my own tail begins to sway back and forth again. The predators’ kind words lifted my spirits and cast aside the embarrassment I had felt, spurring me to happily step forwards and follow the Human’s lead towards the station’s cafeteria.
As we made our way through the halls, I paid more attention to the various pairs and trios we passed. The Venlil all ranged from bubbling with excitement, a spring in their step as they walked joyfully beside their partners, to barely containing their fear, shaking slightly as they stuck close to the walls and avoided looking at most of the more predatory looking Pokemon. I wasn’t at either extreme, though I was leaning towards the former. I strode beside Marcel with contentment, mentally thanking my past self for signing up for the program. I was nervous to meet them at first, but it took almost no time at all for me to recognise the friends I had already been speaking to over text for whole herds of paws at this point.
When we reached the cafeteria, the place was already alive with many Terrans and Venlil. Some sat just with their exchange partners, while others gathered into larger herds, with the countless conversations happening between them melding together with the clinking of cutlery. Even out here on this station, with by far the strangest creatures in the Universe, the sound of people enjoying each other’s company was oh so familiar.
The three of us collected our meals and decided just to sit by ourselves, eventually finding a spot near a rather short Venlil sitting with a large, purple serpentine Pokemon that was presumably their partner. As Marcel and I set our meals down on the table, Felix quickly grabs a pastry from Marcel’s tray.
“I call dibs on the Wacan muffin!”
Marcel has selected some sort of soup for himself, while I chose a simple bunt leaf salad, although my serving seemed to have some sort of fruit in it that I didn’t recognise. I prodded the yellow chunks around, trying to determine if I had gotten some underripe juicefruit or something, catching Marcel’s attention.
“That’s Shuca berry. Not really my thing, but it’s decently popular.”
“Oh, it’s an Earth fruit?”
“Yep, looks like the kitchen’s experimenting with mixing cuisines. This soup is… surprisingly spicy.”
Looking up at the Human, I find that his face has turned a slight reddish hue, the flush no doubt signifying that he was struggling. A quick peek at the contents of his meal provides an answer, making me whistle slightly in laughter.
“Ah, that would be firefruit. Fitting name, isn’t it?”
“Fuck, you can say that again.”
As I watch my Human partner gulp down his glass of water, I pick up a few bunt leaves along with a small chunk of the Shuca berry and pop them in my mouth. The yellow fruit goes well with the bunt leaves, providing a mild but nice sweetness with the slightest kick of spice. Though, obviously not nearly as much as Marcel’s firefruit. The Human soon excuses himself to refill his water, Felix throwing a teasing quip his way between bites of the muffin.
“Fire Type doesn’t suit you, Marc!”
While trying to stifle my laughter at my friend’s misfortune, a slightly alarmed, raspy voice coming from my right catches my attention.
“Ssssevik, are you alright?”
Turning to my right, I find the large serpent Pokemon sitting nearby looking at her Venlil partner with concern. He is holding a paw over his stomach and groaning slightly.
“Y-yeah Arbok, I’m fi-fi -hurk-”
He gives a horrible sound somewhere between a burp and a retch, grabbing the attention of a few other people around us.
“Wassss it the berriesss?”
“N-no it’s -hurk- I think is the Pois- -hurk-“
Thinking quickly, one of the nearby Humans passes the Venlil a plastic bag. He accepts it and tries to thank them, only for his attempt to be interrupted by more retching. Just as he seems to lose control of his meal completely, he cries out.
“Gastro Acid!”
Instead of the typically yellowy green, the Venlil expels a thick, deep purple fluid into the bag. After a single powerful heave, the Venlil looks back up, seemingly slightly dizzy. A moment later, a sizzling sound can be heard coming from the bag, the bottom of which soon breaks. The acidic substance spills onto the floor, having corroded through the plastic like it was nothing. For a while, nobody makes a sound, nor barely moves. Venlil, Human and Pokemon alike in our little section of the cafeteria are all staring at the poor little Venlil who in turn has his eyes glued onto the now useless plastic bag. As for the purple acid, it soon fizzles away into nothing, leaving the floor spotless with no evidence that it ever existed.
The sound of approaching footsteps makes me turn around with a slight jump, finding Marcel returning with a new glass of water. His eyes dart first to the silent crowd, then to the small Venlil, then finally to me and Felix.
“Uh, did I miss something?”
Previous Prologue Next
~~~~~~~

NoPokedex

Humans - Typeless
Gojid - Steel/Rock

• Sovlin: Metal Claw & Rollout

Venlil - Normal /Poison

• Kam: ??? & Poison Jab
• Slanek: ??? & ???

Arxur - Dragon/???

• Isif: Dragon Pulse & ???

Tilfish - Bug/Dark
Zurulian - ???/???
Farsul - ???/???
Kolshian - ???/???
Yotul - ???/???
Mazic - ???/???
Dossur - ???/???
Sivkit - ???/???
Krakotl - Flying/???
Harchen - ???/???
Duertan - Flying/???
Thafki - Wate???
Sulean - ???/???
Iftali - ???/???
Drezjin - Flying/???
Jaur - ???/???
Letian - ???/???
Leshee - ???/???
Yulpa - ???/???

This story was written and emailed to me by an anonymous source. And it’s one of the craziest most bizarre stories I’ve ever read. Ever! 😆 Enjoy the read. It’s long and ridiculously wild. ☘️ Also, in advance, no one can use this story. These stories are written and emailed to me for me to turn into a Video Narrative for my YouTube & TikTok channels. But I would like to share their tales as reading material as well. Thank you for understanding.
I hope you enjoy. 🫶
Story by - “Alex” & “Shane”
Okay so…
I went on vacation to Ireland with my brother last year. And had the most wildest experience of my life there.
Or should I say, we both had the most…wildest experience.
But More so me. And to Tell you the truth, I don’t think I’ll ever go back again after what happened.
As a matter of fact, no, I won’t go back.
So, it’s a Sunday night and it was pretty much our last day of vacationing.
My older brother Shane, wanted to go out… And I’m quoting him - “let’s get fuckin wasted tonight!”
So… We’re on vacation right? Why not? We had rented an Airbnb for the week, we had a rental car - we had a great week so far and we were having…
A proper vacation.
He was already dressed up and ready to go. I wanted to take a quick shower and shave so I told him to head out and I’d call him when I was ready for him to pick me up.
He says cool. He leaves, and I jump in the shower. He’s the one that knows the hot spots in Ireland better than I do. I mean, this was my first time ever coming here. So…
I take a shower, shave, and I get dressed. As I’m about to call my brother, the front door to our Airbnb opens up.
And Its my brother with two bad ass Irish women! They both jump on the couch and they’re laughing their asses off and my brother is just standing there looking at me with a sly grin on his face.
He looks over at the ladies and says - “Give me a minute please” walks over to me, puts his arm over my shoulder and walks me to the bathroom. He then whips out a bag of mushrooms and smiles. Ya know… The psychedelic kind.
I look down at the bag and I shake my head.
He says to me - “come on bro. We got two hotties out there who are trippin and they want to party. Don’t be a flake. This is our last night. Let’s make it special.”
I don’t like disappointing my brother but I was kind of hesitant.
I opened the bathroom door and take a look at these gorgeous women who were both sitting upright now and both looking at me as I opened the door. Both smiling. I smiled back. Closed the door… I looked at my brother and said - “Alright dood fuck it! Let’s do it!”
He gives me a huge hug, kisses me on the forehead, pours me a handful of shrooms and does the same for himself.
We both looked at each other to see who would go first. He counted to three and down the hatch they went. But they were the most unpleasant tasting mushrooms I’ve ever eaten in my life. They were disgusting.
I ran to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of juice because I was having a hard time chewing these nasty things.
But my brother Shane? No, he’s a pro. You give that guy a barrel of hay and he’ll eat it faster than a horse. The guy can eat anything.
40 minutes go by and I’m still straight as a pin. However, my brother on the other hand? He’s already trippin.
I think he had already taken some beforehand.
But in the next 10 minutes… These shrooms hit me like a ton of bricks! It was like this intense wave of cool and hot went completely through my body.
And I’ve taken mushrooms quite a few times but have never felt anything like this before. It was so sudden!
And I feel fantastic!
The next hour went by so fast because we were having so much fun! And these Irish girls? Man… I had the sexiest one! A beautiful Redhead by the name of Katrina.
She was kind of short though. About 5’1” maybe? But good things come in small packages, right? Well, not really. And you’ll know why soon enough.
I don’t recall anything else that happened for the rest of the night after my brother left with the other girl. And before I continue with the rest of the story. My brother’s name is really not Shane. And the redhead girl I was with is not named Katrina.
You see I had to make up these names to protect me and my brother. Because what happened during the rest of the night? I don’t remember. But also, I’ll never forget either.
Okay so, let's get back to the story…
I do remember my brother leaving with… Let's just call her Gloria, Katrina’s friend? And me and Katrina, the redhead, stood behind. I do remember us making out in the bathroom together, but…Everything else after that? There’s nothing there. Nothing. I don’t recall anything from that point forward no matter how badly I try to remember.
This is what my brother told me he witnessed as he arrived back at the Airbnb five hours later with Gloria.
And until this day, I still don’t want to believe this happened. But according to my brother…
It truly did happen.
My brother is going to write this part of the story because he’s the one that has this locked in his memory for life. And for the sake of the story, my name will be Alex.
Here is my brother Shane’s point of view - his perspective on what he witnessed that crazy night. Wow man… This is so fucking nuts. So buckle up and be prepared. I understand you don’t know who I am, but I swear, I’m not a bad person. Okay.

• “Shane’s” story on what he witnessed.

Yeah so, I guess I’m Shane now. Unreal…
Okay. Here we go. Meat and potatoes.
We arrive back at the Airbnb and I see Alex outside in the front of the house wearing only socks and he’s running around on top of the grass like an animal yanking out handfuls of grass from underneath him.
I look at Gloria and we’re both baffled at what we just saw.
First thing I said was - “Oh yeah! This dood is off his rocker right about now - as I parked the car.
We both hop out of the car and walk up to the front door. I slide the key into the door, it unlocks, but there’s a chair behind the door and it’s tipped over blocking the entry way and only leaving enough space for a crack. We both awkwardly look at one another and as I’m about to call out for my brother, I hear someone sprinting towards the door and bang!
The fuckin idiot shuts the door on us.
I then knock on the door softly because It’s almost 1 in the morning as I don’t want to make too much noise. God only knows what this kid has been doing since me and Gloria left.
After I knock on the door a few times, I hear the chair getting pushed to the side and my brother slightly opens the door. I take a peek inside, and his nose is broken, lips are bubbled up and his left eye is completely shut, black and blue and swollen.
He then drops to his knees, and begins crying but no sound is coming out of him! You know… Like when you get smacked by your parents when you’re a kid and it shocks the soul of you? Yeah, that kind of cry.
I don’t react to what he’s doing to not scare the shit out of Gloria, because she’s right beside me. So I push the door open and tell Gloria to hang on a second and shut the door and lock it.
I pick his busted ass up and sit him on the couch. I look around the house and it’s in complete shambles. Our clothes are everywhere, there’s food all over the fuckin walls. It was chaotic. And my brother is now sitting up breathing frantically.
I ask him - “what in the fuck happened?”
He looks at me. Face looking like he got into a boxing match with Rocky Marciano and whispers to me.
“Dood… There’s a leprechaun in the bathroom.”
“A fuckin what now?” - I said with the most bewildered look on my face. I mean I must have… I wish I would have taken a picture of my face at that very moment. I should have taken pictures of everything so this idiot could see the havoc he wreaked on that night.
My imbecile brother continues - “I’m telling you. There’s a fuckin leprechaun in the fuckin bathroom and this little lucky charms motherfucker won’t tell me where he hid the gold!”
“A leprechaun in the bathroom. What the fuck happened to you?” I said as I felt my blood beginning to boil.
The Imbecile then says - “Don’t worry. Don’t worry! I hogtied that little bitch and stuffed my underwear in its mouth. It’s in the bathtub. But don’t go in there. Don’t go in there. This thing fucked me up!”
And now I can hear someone fumbling in the bathroom moaning very softly. I looked at my brother and said - “What in the fuck did you do Alex?”
He replies - “I’m telling you. It’s a fucking leprechaun.”
“Okay. Okay.” - I said. “Stay right here and just, don’t move. Don’t do anything. Just keep still.
His eyes were so huge and dilated. He was so fuckin high. He had heartbeat pulses pumping from the top of his head.
I rushed back over to the front door and told Gloria that my brother got into a fight with a couple of guys at a pub while me and her were out and that her friend Katrina left because she got scared. She told me that was the first time she met that girl tonight so she really didn’t care and shrugged it off. Which was a huge relief to me. I told her thank you for a wonderful night. She understood. W said our goodbyes. I shut the door. And now… What the fuck is in the bathroom? Or better yet, who, is in the bathroom? Because let’s face it. This motherfucker did not find and fight with a leprechaun tonight. No way. There’s just no fuckin way.
I rush over to the bathroom and my brother leaps at my legs, and he’s holding onto me for dear life, begging me!
He says - “Please don’t untie it! It’s got magical powers! PLEASE!!!
Now, at this very moment? I am sort of hesitant about opening the bathroom door. But I snap out of it and open it. What the fuck. A leprechaun? No, I don’t think so.
I open the door…
“Holy shit.” - I said while covering my hands with my mouth. The floor was smeared in blood as if someone was dragged, leading to the huge cast iron tub. Smeared bloody handprints were all over the tub. And now I hear the faint moan coming from the tub. My legs are shaking and feel like they’re ready to give out on me. I was scared shitless.
“What did my brother do? Who is in that bathtub? I pray to God Katrina isn’t in there right now.” - I said to myself completely freaked out.
I slowly walk up to the bathtub…
And sure enough, there is a hogtied person lying in it with my brother's underwear stuffed in their mouth with a ripped t-shirt tied around their head and mouth, but… It’s not Katrina.
It’s a little person. You know, a dwarf? And… He’s literally dressed up in a leprechaun costume…
And how, on God's green earth did he end up here?
He has no idea I’m standing above him. I reach down to begin untying him but he begins squirming and screaming. I told him to relax and that I was here to help him.
And then My imbecile brother Alex, rushes into the bathroom and tackles me down. Stands up and begins shouting at this poor bastard hogtied in the tub - “Tell me where it is you greedy little fuck! Tell me!!!
I jumped to my feet and slapped my brother back to his childhood. Grabbed him by the throat, tripped him and threw him to the ground and said - “are you fuckin crazy? Do you want to go to prison for kidnapping? What in the fuck is the matter with you? You dumb fuck!!”
He then looks up at me with this pessimistic look on his face and says - “It’s a fucking leprechaun dood. A leprechaun.”
I was absolutely dumbfounded and furious at this point. I have this stranger in my Airbnb rental, hogtied and gagged and squirming and screaming and my brother thinks that he’s a leprechaun…
I can’t make this shit up.
He was so fucking high on those mushrooms. He was absolutely convinced that this man was a leprechaun. So… I had to play the game.
It was the only way to help this poor son of a bitch that my brother had kidnapped and hogtied in our Airbnb rental.
I calmly whispered and told him to please leave the bathroom so I could interrogate the leprechaun and find out where he was hiding the pot of gold.
My brother slowly stood up to his feet, face busted up, his cock and balls all shriveled and tight, looked at the man dressed up as a leprechaun, smiled at him with an evil grin and just, walked away…
And as he walked away, I told him to go and please put some clothes on, lay down in bed, and that I would handle the leprechaun. That I, would find out where the gold was hidden…
And that’s all I’m saying. I’m giving the computer back to my dumbass of a brother to finish off whatever else he wants to write.

• Back to “Alex”

Pretty outlandish right? I know. I know. You must think that I’m bat shit crazy huh? Okay so, to make the rest of this long story short, my brother Shane never told me what he did with the poor guy I hogtied and, well… i don’t remember how this guy came to be in my possession. I really don’t.
The only thing my brother Shane told me was that he ungagged him, untied him, and that he was extremely pissed off. And that he had compensated him for his troubles.
Man, I felt so horrible. I felt so horrible…
What I do remember though is waking up that following afternoon with my face all fucked up. Dehydrated with a tremendous splitting headache. I had no clue as to why I looked and felt the way I did. It was terrifying.
All of our luggage was packed and my brother was just sitting there, legs crossed and his arms folded.
Hey man… Take it from me. Don’t do fuckin drugs.
Regards, “Alex” & “Shane”
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