Original Prompt

Chapter 30
Blood had a unique taste. Metallic, warm, and almost soothing. Not tasty, not good. Empowering. It was the taste of victory. Cass opened her jaws wide enough to encompass the scream solder's neck and-
"Cass?" A voice echoed through the air. The ground shook. The starry sky cracked open and light flooded her eyes, blinding her.
Cass sat up with a start. Charis was sitting on the edge of her bed, their hand on her shoulder. Long black curls framed their pretty face, eyes wide and brow furrowed with concern.
"What?" Cass asked breathlessly. She felt winded, like she'd just run several miles.
"You were tossing about and yelling in your sleep," they answered. "Anatu was concerned you were...turning." Their eyes glanced down to Cass's bandage-wrapped arm.
"No, no, I was just having a...bad dream." She tried to recall it but it had already slipped away. "I think."
"Do you have nightmares often?"
"I don't think so. But usually, I have enough wine on hand that I don't really dream." She laid back down and groaned. "I miss the army. There were enough wagons and wine to keep me plenty drunk during downtime."
Silence filled the air for a moment. Cass looked back at Charis, who was eyeing her arm again. She could read the curiosity on their face and unwrapped the bandage. Their eyes widened in surprise at the stark difference from when they'd seen it the night before. No stars and no deep void. Just ashy black skin like burnt wood.
"Have you ever changed in your sleep before?"
Cass shook her head. "So far it's only ever happened because I wanted to. Never been an accident or a surprise. Well, except the first time, but Helen walked me through it."
"The High Priestess was there for your first time?" Charis's question got a smirk and a chuckle out of her.
"For a few first times," she joked slyly, "but yeah she was the one who told me how to do it." Cass looked at her hand, carefully flexing the thin, bony fingers. "Back then it was only part of my hand. These three fingers." She held up her pinky, ring, and middle. "Every time I change, the curse spreads further up my arm."
She could feel the curly-haired Sammosan's gaze climb up her arm to the shoulder where several thin tendrils of the black skin spread like the roots of a tree, standing out against her natural tanned olive tones.
"It looks awful, I can't imagine how it feels."
"Actually, it's pretty nice." Cass clenched her fist and winced. "Well, not like this. During the day it hurts. But at night, or when I immerse myself in it entirely, it feels amazing. I feel...very powerful. Like I can do anything."
Charis raised an eyebrow and crossed their arms over their broad chest. "You say that like you aren't the most powerful person in Sammos."
A smile creased Cass's face and she chuckled. "I guess. But it's so much more than being strong. When I give into it, the curse bestows me with-"
Her tent flap opened up and Glaukos stuck his head in. "Hey! Love birds! Time to eat." He looked at Cass's arm. "You're gonna want to cover that up, the sun's real hot today."
Charis left with Glaukos and Cass got dressed, covering up against the evening sun. She shielded her eyes and went over to the fire where everyone had gathered. Maar, Nuu, and Anatu were sitting across from Mica and Kher, who were serving Iuven and Glaukos small platters of whatever Kher thought was best to start the day with this time. Cass got in line behind Charis, watching Mica balance several small wafers of bread on a wooden board with a bowl of green sauce.
"Dhourra cakes and zhoug. Let the bread soak in the sauce for a few minutes to soften," she explained, smacking one of the cakes against the iron pot. It was very hard bread.
"Takes more than a few minutes," Nuu grumbled, stirring the hard lumps of bread around in their bowl with a dull clatter. Their sister was nowhere to be seen, which was fine by Cass.
She picked up one of the dhourra cakes, dipped it in the zhoug, and bit into it. It was definitely harder than normal bread, but it didn't inhibit her.
"Sheemsh fine tchoo me," she said around the food before swallowing. "Want me to chew it up and feed you like a baby bird?"
This got a bunch of chuckles from everyone. A loud, almost braying cackle rose higher than the rest. Cass was more than surprised to see Anatu covering their mouth, almost doubled over. They glanced up from the ground and noticed all eyes were on them.
"Now that's a laugh," Glaukos muttered. Cass nudged him as Anatu got up, red-faced, and retreated to their tent.
"Hey, shut up."
"What? I didn't say anything mean. It's just..." he glanced over at their tent. "It sounded weird. Maybe Anatu's actually a demon trying to bamboozle us?" He grinned playfully but Cass didn't return it.
"Don't be a shit, Glaukos," Mica joined Cass in the argument. "People can't help how they laugh."
"You stared too!"
"Well yeah, I was surprised. Never heard Anatu laugh before, didn't think they knew how."
"I'm not crazy here, right?" Glaukos asked, looking around, "It sounded weird, right?"
"I don't know about that," Cass said, taking Anatu's seat by Nuu and Maar. "It was kind of...uh cute? Not cute. What's atfos pou empneei?"
"Endearing is the word you want," Charis answered.
"Yeah, that sounds right." Cass nodded. "Endearing. I'm glad they found something to smile about for a change." Knowing Anatu had a sense of humor gave Cass hope that she could get to know them better now.
"I'm glad they stopped making that freaky sound." Glaukos said, followed by a loud thunk and an "ouch!". Mica had thrown one of the cakes at him.

Hi!! I am writing here to ask how other women deal with removing these tiny fine thin blonde hairs (“peach fuzz”) on the back, stomach, butt, upper thighs and chest?
According to my research laser hair removal is not suitable for this type of hairs.
Waxing isn’t an option as well i guess, because i find it weird going for a back or stomach wax as a woman ESPECIALLY chest wax?? Also, my pain tolerance is not the best.
So far I’ve been shaving, but i find that skin on the chest, stomach and on the butt is way too sensitive and i always get billions of pimples doing that. Also, shaving my own back is not easy ngl. Another issue is that the razor seems to much more easily get the hairs that are thicker and misses the soft hairs. What kind of razor is suitable for that?
I have no trouble shaving arm and lower leg hair, but other parts of the body are so troublesome.
The hair is basically invisible from far, but becomes obvious when hit by sunlight and of course when touched, so i don’t enjoy having it. I also have really fair skin so hairs/pimples both are much more visible than they would be on darker skin tones.
Any advice will be appreciated. I feel like there isn’t a good solution, but i also see women all the time with smooth butts, backs, chests and stomachs and no pimples on them, so there must be some trick.

I have a similar story to others who have posted on this sub. However, many have not posted about possible solutions. So here it all goes:
For the past 6 or 7 years, I have used the Old Spice Fiji Anti-Perspirant (AP) with no issues. The AP does the job of 1) preventing me from smelling like sweat and 2) making me smell good (I think so and I have received compliments from others). I have been obtaining this AP by purchasing it from Amazon. A few months ago, Amazon mistakenly sent me the Blue Deodorant Stick (BDS) version of Fiji. I called Amazon Customer Service and they agreed to send me the AP and that I could keep the BDS instead of shipping it back. I said "ok cool, win win" and tossed the BDS into my backpack for emergency use.
On May 21, that "emergency use" happened. I was at work without my AP and heading into the city later for dinner and a movie with my girlfriend. I remembered the BDS in my backpack and applied it. It felt slimy, as a BDS usually does (not a fan) but it did the job of improving my scent.
On May 23, I noticed a weird burning feeling under my left armpit. I ignored it, as it was tolerable at the time and thought I maybe slept on it weird in my pyjama shirt. The next day (May 24), the armpit was burning with excruciating pain. I looked under it and it was discoloured, blistered and looked disgusting...
Pics here (warning, quite gross): https://imgur.com/a/m6USUiU
Over that weekend, it continued to burn and hurt when I raised my arm or rubbed it. I immediately threw out the BDS and stopped using AP on my left armpit. Also, I applied a mild soap to the left armpit in the shower which calmed it a bit. I then found this subreddit and so many other people who have had the same experience as me. Also, this class action lawsuit that dated back to 2016: https://www.expertinstitute.com/resources/insights/old-spice-facing-5-million-dollar-lawsuit-after-deodorants-cause-extreme-burns/
On Monday May 27, I went to the walk in clinic and a doctor told me it looked to be a chemical burn (similar to touching poison ivy) and prescribed a $15 cream called Betaderm, which is an upper-strength cortisone cream. Betaderm was oily and stained one of my shirts. It also didn't do anything to soothe the pain. I then visited my actual doctor two days later who told me that it was infected and to try a $50 cream called Fusidin containing Fusidic Acid. Fusiderm is usually used for extreme cases of excema. The Fucidin worked pretty quickly, I rubbed it in and the scabbing rubbed off. By June 3 or 4 after using Fusiderm 3x times a day, the burning finally subsided.
It is now June 9. The pain has stopped and it does not look as gross, but I am left with a red mark and scarring under my armpit. To others who have been put through this awful ordeal, did you contact the company? Did you receive any compensation? Is there anything I can do to write this wrong? Any help is appreciated.

L (logic)

* How much time and energy do you spend researching or studying? Do you like researching and studying, and why?
I tend to spend a lot of time studying. Any dead time I experience is usually spent reading whatever I find interesting. I generally like learning just to learn. I don’t necessarily need an end goal. The act of studying is simply enjoyable. Though, I do want to acquire as much knowledge as possible as well. There are nights I’ve stayed up studying math and physics, at times when I have had no practical use for either subject, simply for fun. Though, I suppose part of why I do things like that, is because I generally dislike the idea of other people being superior to me in any way, shape or form (slight exaggeration). I don’t like knowing that someone knows something that I don’t.
* How many of your own opinions do you form? How often do you do actual thinking on your own, more than just finding an existing answer?
I do tend to form my own conclusions about things. I generally don’t believe my conclusions to necessarily be the truth, but I do try to draw connections between everything, and reason out stuff on my own. I suppose my reddit comment history could be relevant here. How embarrassing. I tend to use my reasoning to fill the gaps in my knowledge when necessary, which can have the effect of making me look more knowledgeable than I really am in conversation. I am generally open to other people’s points of views, but I don’t rely on other people’s reasoning or statements, per se. Stuff generally needs to make logical sense to me before I’m able to draw any conclusions. I do also enjoy exploring theoretical matters in dialogue, for various reasons. One would be that other people’s thoughts and responses can spark my own creativity, leading me to understand subjects more thoroughly. There’s also the fact that some people are more knowledgeable in certain subjects than I am. I also just enjoy talking to people. I love seeing people reason. Highly entertaining.
* How often do you talk about concepts or facts? Why exactly do you talk about it, and what do you like talking about most?
Seems I’ve already answered this to an extent. I do like sharing my thoughts and knowledge with other people. I often spam my friends with long rants about whatever I find interesting in that particular moment, whether that be pottery, resin, weaponry, mathematics, typology, theology or ancient history. When I disagree with someone, I tend to interrogate them with “why” questions endlessly, questioning all their reasoning and making remarks like “if that is true, then what about x”, and such, in hopes of guiding them towards what I believe to correct with their own reasoning. I am curious about other people's beliefs in general. I suppose I often ask my friends questions I already know the answers to, just to enjoy their reasoning. Possibly a bit off-topic, but I believe it to be at least somewhat relevant.
* Do you struggle with thinking about things by yourself? Does this bother you, and how much? How well do you handle criticism from others when it comes to your logical concepts or factual knowledge?
I wouldn’t say I struggle to think about things by myself. I rather enjoy brainstorming, actually. Well, I am more fond of engaging in divergent thinking than I am convergent thinking, although I’m not especially insecure in either kind of thinking. As for how I handle criticism, it really depends. There have been moments where criticism has affected me to a significant extent and made me doubt my abilities. I am usually open to criticism, though.
* Did you enjoy answering the above questions? Would you say this is a major part of who you are or your identity? Was it boring? Is it a difficult topic?
I would say that it is a relatively major part of my identity. The topic wasn’t especially boring. I’m fairly adept at finding enjoyment in most activities. I’ve always enjoyed answering questionnaires and surveys, probably because I’m quite fond of categorizing things. This topic isn’t especially difficult to answer.

E (emotion)

* Do you consider yourself a creative person? What do you do that's creative?
I do consider myself a fairly creative person. I often create stories in my head, generally containing relatively elaborate storylines and power systems. I don’t know the exact amount, but I’ve probably made at least 30 full fledged stories, with a proper beginning, middle and end, and there are hundreds of stories drifting around in my head that I’ve never ended up finishing. Though, I am hesitant about sharing my stories with friends. Ideas generally come naturally to me.
* How do you feel about expressing your own emotions? Are emotions part of your decision-making at all? How much of a role do they play in your decisions?
I can be quite expressive of my emotions around friends. I don’t necessarily dislike the act of showing my emotions, but showcasing negative emotions can make me feel weak. I can be fairly reserved in how I present my emotions around people I’m not hugely familiar with, or in large groups. I would still consider myself to be decently expressive though, and I don’t necessarily mind that. As for my decision making, I’m uh, struggling to properly answer that part of the question. My emotions do affect my decisions, of course, but I don’t know to what extent. I consider myself a fairly emotional person. I definitely weigh certain emotions when making decisions, such as shame and fear, along with excitement, and in social settings, I tend to consider other people’s feelings to a fairly large extent.
* How much effort do you put into creating a positive emotional influence on other people? Do you try to do this at all? Do you like exploring the emotions or creativity of others?
Creating a positive emotional influence on other people isn’t my top priority per se, but I do often tell friends and family I appreciate them, and I’ve gotten into the gotten into the habit of trying to make people feel fulfilled emotionally. I do like caring for others emotionally, but it can feel a bit awkward. I don’t always know what to say when consoling others, but I’ve gotten reasonably comfortable comforting others over time. I am very curious about the minds of others. I try to figure out how other people’s emotions and thought processes work, which can often lead me to spamming others with questions. I don’t particularly care for exploring or manifesting the creativity of others, though.
* Do you feel uncomfortable with the idea of sharing your emotions? Do you struggle with knowing exactly how to connect with others on a deeper and more emotional level? Do you struggle with knowing how to go about dealing with and handling your emotions?
I don’t really mind sharing most of my emotions with close friends. Mostly, anyway. Outside of that, I’m not particularly fond of sharing negative emotions, since that can make me feel vulnerable. I don’t like feeling weak or vulnerable. I don’t believe I necessarily struggle with knowing how to connect with people. I do feel like I can connect with people fairly well, although I’m not sure how apparent it always is. My emotions can be bothersome at times. I suppose I don’t really know the best way of dealing with them yet, but that’ll likely come with time. I should already have enough tools at my disposal. When I’m at my healthiest and happiest, I tend to ignore my emotions, the ones holding me back, at least. That isn’t consistently the case, however. A bit off-topic, but I guess it might also be worth nothing that I have rather high stress levels. I don’t mind doing stressful things, though.
* Did you enjoy answering the above questions? Would you say this is a major part of who you are or your identity? Was it boring? Is it a difficult topic?
I found answering the above questions to be reasonably enjoyable. Definitely wasn’t boring. I noticed that talking about expressing my negative emotions made me feel nauseous, which was interesting to see. I do enjoy observing my reactions. My emotions seem to be connected to my identity. I have strangely strong emotions, and I’ve been reflecting on them a lot as of late. I still feel nauseous, actually. Strangely beautiful. I’ve noticed that my attitude towards my emotions might be a bit inconsistent, I guess? I suddenly feel a lot more comfortable sharing my emotions. I suppose insecurities can be overcome.

F (physics / foundation)

* How much time and energy do you put into your physical health? Do you try new healthcare or self-care products often? How often, and what kinds of products do you like trying?
I’m not sure I would call my health a top priority, but I do consistently go to the gym, and I am very particular about wearing sunscreen whenever I go out in the sun. I don’t go out of my way to try new healthcare products. I use moisturizer and sunscreen, and that’s about it.
* How much do you care about your physical appearance, including fashion choices, or decorating the physical environment for comfort? Do you like exploring the physical environment (food, nature, architecture, etc), or doing physical activity?
I do care about my physical appearance, and I can feel insecure if I feel I look bad. I am generally pretty confident in my appearance, though I don’t really do much regarding it. I don’t care much about fashion or physical decoration. I do consider it very interesting to explore new places and environments. I’m a bit too curious in general, leading me to dejectedly mourn the fact that trespassing laws exis- uh. Anyway, I generally just want to explore the world as much as possible. Don’t have any particular opinions about food or physical activity. I suppose I occasionally admire other people’s sense of fashion.
* Do you like talking about your personal tastes often? How often do you explore the personal tastes of others? What about your own health or the health of others? Do you like creating or exploring comfortable environments with others?
Personal tastes? Nothing in particular that comes to mind at the moment. I suppose I’m a bit of an art connoisseur. I don’t really pay attention to my health very much. I do care about my skin health, and I don’t want to get wrinkles, but beyond superficial stuff like that, I don’t really care. Well actually, I do care about my physical strength. I want to be competent, and so I don’t want others to be stronger or faster than me. I pay attention to my hygiene and others’ hygiene. I’m particular about washing my hands thoroughly, and I maintain that others do so as well. I regularly shower and always apply perfume/deodorant. I don’t really care about creating comfortable environments with others.
* Do you stress about what people will think regarding your personal tastes? Do you prefer to follow fashion trends in worry that people may judge your own style? Do you worry about being sick or in poor physical health often? Are you able to take criticism about your health, aesthetic choices, personal tastes, or physical appearance?
I don’t really care if people judge my personal tastes. I’ve never really been the kind of person to care about following fashion trends. I don’t really mind getting sick, as being sick gives me an opportunity to relax comfortably. My ability to focus is also heightened while sick, for some reason or another, so that’s another perk. I don’t especially care about my health, personal tastes and aesthetic choices being criticized. My appearance I can be a little sensitive about, I suppose. I'm not sure I readily take advice regarding my appearance.
* Did you enjoy answering the above questions? Would you say this is a major part of who you are or your identity? Was it boring? Is it a difficult topic?
Answering questions is fun in general, but this topic wasn’t particularly engaging, compared to the other ones. I don’t really consider my physical choices to be a large part of my identity, and I’m somewhat ambivalent about most things relating to this topic.

V (volition)

* Do you know how to get what you want? How much effort do you put into figuring out how to get what you want? Do you just take action and get started, do you plan, do you research or try to get advice from others?
I usually research before doing anything. I’m a naturally indecisive person, but really, taking action is better than being stuck in analysis paralysis. Taking action can be difficult for me at times, but it’s something that I’m getting better at. I don’t really spend much effort trying to figure out what I want, since I already have a fairly decent idea. I have a rough idea of what I want to make out of my life, and the idea of living it out is fairly exciting. My plans aren't especially precise, however. I have been anxious about whether I’ll be able to fulfill my plans in the past, but I’m not worried about that at the moment. I don’t really take advice from others regarding my life, although, I will occasionally discuss my plans with others, but I generally ignore advice that I don’t agree with.
* How often do you feel motivated to work on your future? How often are you busy working on a goal for the future? Do you prefer routine, or often fall into routine? Is your routine making progress on a goal? What makes you change your routine? What makes you start working on a goal?
My motivation is sporadic. While I have ideas for what to do in the future, I don’t currently have any long-term goals that I actively work towards. My goals are more fluid in nature. I tend to abandon routine when doing something that interests me. As mentioned earlier, I often neglect rest if I’m doing something I’m passionate about. Outside of that, I do appreciate having some semblance of a routine, as it does keep me grounded, I suppose. Competition and a desire not to waste my life are my main motivators to work on goals, along with general enthusiasm, of course.
* Do you like guiding or helping people reach their goals? What kinds of goals do you prefer to help people with? Are you a leader, or do you prefer to work in groups where you're an equal? How and when do you take charge, if ever?
I suppose I do try to motivate others to an extent. There have been moments where I’ve attempted to get my friends to better themselves, take initiative, or to think less pessimistically, but that’s about it. I don’t mind motivating others on occasion, but it isn’t a focus of mine. I generally don’t opt for leadership roles, largely because I dislike the responsibilities attached. I don’t like being bossed around, though. I often take charge when working in smaller groups, and that can be nice.
* Do you overwork yourself? Do you worry that you might be lazy or that you aren't progressing quickly enough? Does it feel impossible to find the right method forward? Are you able to take criticism over your choices for working towards your goals? How do you respond to being challenged?
I experienced burnout a little while ago, and during that period, I did sometimes worry about being “lazy”, to the point where I remember someone calling me lazy in one of my dreams. That has lessened as my mental health has improved. Outside of that, I do dislike “wasting time” and not being productive, although in my case, being productive simply means to use my time decisively and purposefully. I don’t necessarily care very much about what most people associate with productivity. What I personally want to do matters more. It depends, but I will often attempt to prove myself when challenged.
* Did you enjoy answering the above questions? Would you say this is a major part of who you are or your identity? Was it boring? Is it a difficult topic?
It was interesting. It was definitely a little harder to write about than physics was. I do consider volition to be important, and it is definitely something that I relate to my identity. I want to control my own life and live it without other people’s influence, and I want to become more assertive. Talking about volition isn’t particularly stressful, it soothes my heart, actually. Though, the topic has stressed me out some amount before, likely because I was dealing with burnout, though.

Additional

* Please share any mental or physical health struggles or diagnoses that may affect your answers or how you interact with the world
Asperger’s syndrome.
* You may also optionally share a rough age range to help clarify your current life circumstances for anyone reading
18-20 years old.
* Let us know anything else about you that might affect your answers or how you interact with the world
I am genuinely curious what I'm expected to write here. My other typology, perhaps? Well, that sounds like it would be more fun for you to reason out on your own, so I shall refrain from mentioning it, for I am a varlet.

Woke up this morning feeling achy and headache. Thought maybe I slept in too long as I sometimes will get headaches if I do. Then I realized my skin feels sensitive to the touch. When I got in the shower, it felt like when you are really cold and get into a hot shower, like a stinging sensation. Don’t really feel like I have the chills. I checked and at one point I had a 99.4 temp but now it’s in the normal range. Still have pretty bad headache, overall body aches and still sensitive feeling skin. Really weird and I’m pissed since I have entered been sit in literal years. Is this the flu?

Both titles are currently published exclusively on my AO3 account, but obviously I'm also known to post stuff here and on DeviantArt as well. I tried having Dreamwidth and a Tumblr page for this stuff, but they're just not as easy to share things the way these other pages currently are.
Lethericon Books Presents: * Comix — An AU based on characters from the Solemn Graces universe. Here, Grace is in high school, Gallo lives in a house a few blocks away with his sister Sable, and they meet one day while Gallo is working on an art project of his called Sorrow Comix, inspired by my own previous work on Sorrows Of Blackwood as a franchise. I was working on this earlier this year while working through some personal issues, and it's a coming of age story that I might continue; but it's also slice of life, and I'm not sure where to go with it. I'm also not going through that stuff anymore, so I'm not sure if I'd like to channel that energy again, since I've moved on to more adventurous stuff in the Pick-n-Mix stable now. * The Green Room — This was intended as a prequel to Solemn Graces: A Gothic Retelling and was inspired by storylines I had been intending to use for what was supposed to be the central Sorrows Of Blackwood novel, which is permanently on hold due to missing time and notes I've lost access to, as well as a majority of the narrative work I did being on a hard drive I currently can't access. So it goes. Anyway, it's about Hugo Lockhart, host of a talk show called The Spirit Whisperer in Idyllville, being called home by his automaton father Rhett when his mother Alma dies, leaving the two of them to explore their new dynamic. While here, Hugo also meets the witch Grace Morgan, in town for the mystery surrounding Tristan Grimshaw, which was intended to give the novel its name. Like Comix, this one was also born from my personal life at the time — processing new changes in my life after my own death in the family, and using these familiar characters as a way to do it — so it's not very canonically relevant or interesting, and I'd have to be still processing that stuff to continue it. But maybe someday. Probably not, though. * Solemn Graces: A Gothic Retelling — The first attempt to make a new adaptation of Solemn Graces as a story. It's about Grace coming to Grimstead for the first time, but also features a much heavier focus on Gallo's role as the Ghostly Gravedigger amongst the populace in town, as well as some non-canonical youth characters for some extra storyline spice. It was intended to be ongoing, but — like with all of these — it was a little too unfocused and I had trouble working on it with no central structure or format to pin storylines too, like I have now with the Pick-n-Mix stable, so I found it hard to stay motivated in continuing it. Also, I kept coming up with spinoffs I'd rather be writing, and never felt like working on those either. So it goes. * Supergirls In The Spotlight — A reprint of the 2012 character blog, written by and starring Sarah Gardner as Solar Girl (although I'm not sure her name is given in any of the entries there, obviously). I'm still working on collecting these under this posting — my original attempt was somewhere around October of last year, 2023, which turned out a nicely-formatted draft that I had actually managed to include the extra Twitter account messages and the posts from Dr Synergy's companion blog, Dr Synergy's Laboratory Of Sin, which ran alongside Supergirls In The Spotlight during that time in 2012 (and his Twitter posts too, of course) — but it was a draft, and I forgot to incorporate it as an updated post or change the dates on it or reupload it or anything, so AO3 ended up deleting it. I haven't had the time since that span to bother with re-archiving it the same way, so the current status is a bit hiatusy, but it's important if the Wordpress page ever gets taken down, so here we are. This storyline leads into The New Adventures Of Solar Girl, although it wasn't intended at the time, so it's important for preservation's sake. * The New Adventures Of Solar Girl — Somewhere between a sequel, a continuation, a reboot, and a reimagining. I started this up in 2024, earlier this year, hoping to use it as a way to incorporate Solar Girl lore into a workable modern canon, but the idea of canon is stupid and behind-the-scenes updates to worldbuilding led me to decide that I can just decide what is or isn't canon, so it's kind of on hiatus now in favor of Solar Girl stuff that's been and is being properly incorporated into the Pick-n-Mix universe. In any case, it was set in 2024, starting with that popular eclipse in April, and was at first a way for Solar Girl to keep blogging (with the first two entries being posted much earlier, in February, before personal stuff shifted my focus and I lost interest again) before I changed the perspective to third-person and had the cosmic being Meanwhile reboot the universe. But again, I lost interest in that version of the canon and hated that the 2012, Earth-based storylines were connected to the Other Realms this way (since Earth doesn't exist in the Other Realms, it just felt like a weird, out-of-place connection to include), so I had to decanonize it along with the original blog.

• Pick-n-Mix Comix Presents:
• Couriers Of The Cove
• Dr Connector
• Help! The Monsters Are Trapped Here Too.
• Idyllville Mysteries + Idyllville Mystery Theater
• Solemn Graces
• Tales From The Lorebook
• The Teambook

I've been fantastic on nofap for the past 3 weeks. I've had zero desire to look at porn and I have felt very pure. I would say I've been 100% strict with nofap hard mode. No peeks, no slip ups, no entertaining lust, nothing.
Last night I had an intense sexual dream in which I was relapsing to porn (not real life, just in my dream). In my dream I ended up releasing and somehow it made me completely release in real life. It woke me up and I tried to stop it but it was too late. I didn't even do it intentionally or consciously and I don't understand how it happened without any physical stimulation. It was similar to how you use the bathroom in your dream and end up wetting the bed IRL. It felt exactly like that.
I feel like complete crap now because my tank is empty. I have zero energy, feel depressed and have to wait days to weeks to get back to how I was yesterday. This shit is so annoying. Even when I do everything right some BS like this happens. This was the best I've ever done on nofap and stupid shit like this comes and just ruins it.
I'm so freaking tired of what PMO has done to my brain. But I'm just going to keep going. I still don't feel any desire to look at porn and I don't consider this a relapse. Just a very annoying setback that I hope never happens again.
Has this happened to any of you? It wasn't technically a wet dream. It was full release caused by my dream.

I moved in with my bf 4 months ago. It's an expensive area and we could have saved lots of money and trouble. I'm losing it AGAIN. I was married to a quiet person who loved being around other people for 2 years, and couldn't wait to get out. We had no sex, and all we did was being around everyone esle. This person I'm dating is extremely sweet and I love him sooo much. But his personality is very similar to my ex. We do have great chemistry though. He's also very understanding. He lost his job a month ago, and I have him around all the time. Weekends are awful. He needs to be entertained all the time even though he doesn't say it. I can feel he's waiting for me to plan something. I feel guilty when I want to enjoy just staying home because I know that's not what he wants. For some reason, I have absolutely no energy doing anything anymore, and it is worrying me. I do get lots of calls from family and friends all the time (unfortunately), and it is taking me longer and longer to respond to everyone. Every little interaction is now a torture. I don't know what is going on, but I don't have the energy anymore and all I want to do is sleep. I had the exact same reaction with my ex wanting to do things all the time, and later got accused of being depressed. I have exaplained clearly that crowd tire me, get togethers tire me... but at this point it seems like I'm just ranting and repeating myself because my bf doesn't even force me into anything. It seems like the constant obligation to entertain hom is too much. Any tips to get over this extreme tiredness all the time? Also, my life is great now. I don't think I'm depressed.

Hello- I am hoping to get a little bit of guidance on the direction I need to be looking. I've been experiencing issues over the last two years and while I'm not entirely sure they're all related - I'd be shocked if they weren't. I saw a post about liver fire symptoms and many resonated with me.
Issue: For over a year I had a candida issue that was unresponsive to antifungals. And I had a concerning Pap smear. Finally through the use of boric acid and antifungals, it went away and has been gone for 8 months now. My pap recently came back normal.
I know something was out of balance to even cause this because I'm "young and of good health" according to my labs and doctor (at this point I've seen numerous doctors, including a D.O). And so they've essentially given up on looking for the root issue. I still deal with random pain where I think an infection is starting again but all tests are negative.
Now, I am experiencing redness in the cheeks and small break outs (I've never been prone to acne). I cannot seem to get rid of the acne now that's popped up.
I'm not sleeping well and my energy is inconsistent.
I'm concerned about hormone levels because of the candida issue.
Background: Female, 30, complex trauma
Menstruation: 25-28 day cycle, no pregnancies, some bloating during ovulation, mood changes almost as soon as luteal phase hits
Sleep: Fluctuates a lot with insomnia and restlessness. I wake up almost consistently between 1-3am.
Appetite: Either none or a lot Consistently craving carbs Vegan diet and lifestyle I work out at least 3 days a week and walk 10k steps a day.
Mood: I'm concerned about PMDD and have a long history of depression, anxiety, and intense anger. I've been working consistently with a therapist for over a year.
Energy: Fluctuates- some days I'm exhausted and other days I feel well but I never feel "well rested"
Thirst: I consistently drink between 60-80 ounces of water but sometimes I feel like I'm not "absorbing" it because I pee frequently or I'm still thirsty.
Bowels: Daily, AM Mostly regularly but if I drink less than 60ounces of water the day before, it's difficult the next day

It hard everyday but sometimes it gets harder, it's actually weird when you first experience that emptiness, it makes you confused that what is happening, but then empty void make the home inside the chest, And no one other than you can feel that hole, it's black hole that consume you from inside, it's get tough, people expect something from you and i wonder how much my life is mine and how much theirs, it's get too stressful, that it breaks you, you started to fear to put efforts because you can't handle the defeat or rejection, isn't it best excuse you lost because you don't put efforts otherwise you would have slayed it, But really it isn't the case everything get build up and soon you hate yourself, And it sucks you intentionally or unintentionally do things to hurt yourself, At that moment you just want to forget that you hate yourself, You want distraction, so isn't good now you can do all good stuff like play with your kids, pursue your hobbies, learn new skills but i wish if it would be that easy, but every thing gives you pressure in head, you just want to get rid of everything, except your addictions and obsession it may be alcohol, masterbation or playing online games or worse, you pep talk yourself every time but you can't get rid of them, you just want to run away from every one in a space where no one can interrupt you where you can unhindered keep justifying your obsessions, where you can fetishize your sadness and where you can hope for better tommorow but you are just intentionally counting days until your inevitable death.

I'm a teacher and expecting my first baby with my husband. We are working on setting up the nursery but we're not super artistic by any means. I asked a colleague of mine who teaches art at my school if she would be interested in painting a couple of canvases and smaller framed pictures for the nursery. We worked out a plan for the pictures and I told her to let me know how much I owe her once she has an idea.
Yesterday she texted me that the supplies came out to $50 and that she takes cash or venmo. She sent me some photos of the work in progress and it looks incredible! I feel like I need to give her a thank you gift in addition to the cost of the materials.
Alcohol is no go because I can't bring it onto school grounds. I don't want to do a gift card because it feels weird to put a dollar amount on a situation like this. I'm open to any other ideas, though! I'd like to keep the spending to a max of $50.

So recently, I (18M) went to my internet provider to change my number from personal to business (long story). Basically, the lady said I’d have to go to another place to do that since my number is registered under another company and then she showed me her monitor. I saw the company’s name which turned out to be my stepdads company.
I was shocked to say the least since my mom and him divorced like 5 years ago and he’s left the country and sold his business. Well that night I had a dream about him. We were all back as a family and were happy as ever. We spent time together and laughed, but in the end I remember seeing him pack his bags and I was crying (was actually crying irl too). He hugged me and told me that he was proud of me. That’s when I woke up.
Some context: When him and my mom separated, we never had a real goodbye. They just divorced and he left me and my sister. No goodbye or anything. Just left the country.
I never really had a father figure in my life (my real dad is an asshole to say the least). When my stepdad came along he filled that role. It feels weird to dream about him now since I never did when he left. Why now?

I’m so depressed and burnt out and I have so much going on, I’ve been brute forcing through my burnout for months and right now I have 0 motivation to do my work. Usually that’s not a problem, I just brute force it through nothing but discipline, but today it’s really bad. Even with discipline I just feel like my brain DOES NOT WANT TO COOPERATE. But it doesn’t matter what my brain feels, I need to study so I don’t end up hating everything in the future because frankly, if I do badly on these exams, I’m finished. That fear has driven me to do work 7 days a week even when I have no energy for it. I can’t even be bothered with journaling anymore.
Im severely procrastinating. It feels like I’m just mindlessly stimulating myself and I hate it. I shouldn’t be relaxing. I don’t deserve rest right now. Rest is for people who work. Not pieces of crap like me. I need to get right back at it. I’ve already pushed through burnout and all the trauma and trash in my life, so I can do it now. I really want to rest but I can’t. I used to be a machine, my sleep schedule was so poor because of working, it was great. I used to be considered smart. But now? I’ve fallen off
Wow, I really needed to get that off my chest

I (16f) Had one of the worst friendship breaks with my family friend(16f) let’s call her G. Its been almost 3 months and its still affecting me I want to move past this but i cant does anyone have any advice
here is what happened
Me and G were playing a game together, and she got into an argument with someone in the game. I poking fun. like (Haha her name is Roach) that was the name of the girl she was arguing with. G was getting annoyed and said “ Like bitch it’s not funny shut up “ I was stunned and a bit hurt because I thought she called me a bitch, I ended up hanging up and closing the game because I thought I would be best and then come back later.She started texting me on Snapchat saying she was sorry for yelling and taking her anger out on me. I wasn’t mad that she was annoyed by me just about how she called me a bitch, I didn’t appreciate it and I texted her and said that. I just wanted an apology for her calling me that but as we were texting it seem like she didn’t want to take accountability for calling me a bitch but saying it wasn’t directed to you I just said it cause I wanted to and also G trying to put the blame on me like saying “ I wouldn’t have said that if you were supporting me and not disrespecting me and being a bully. The “fights” with have are usual jokes and we often jokingly insult each other and I tell her if I do or say anything that hurt her to tell me so I won’t do it againThis was when things started to escalate And We started arguing I was trying my best to keep calm the only thing I wanted was an apology for the bitch comment and we would have probably started playing again but she kept escalating it bringing up things from before and saying that I’m not supportive of her when I do my best to listen and talk to her when she’s having problems I openly listen to what she has to say because I know that just having someone to listen helps. So it stung when she said that.That’s in itself brought me back to a few weeks ago when she was upset because we couldn’t go to the mall together and we were playing Roblox, G usually the one to pick the games and for once I wanted to pick a game. When I picked she was saying how the games were not good and we already played before but we didn’t and I was saying “Why can't I pick a game “ I was talking when all of a sudden she hung up the call and BLOCKED me on everything I was confused but I remember thinking ill give her some time because her blocking me as this has happened 2 times before. 4 DAYS went by and I was concerned, thinking I had done something wrong, or maybe I was being a bad friend. My mind was spiraling does days. So I called my mom asked what happened and asked her to talk to her mom to find out what was going on. Later that night we called and talked because I wanted to know what was going on and know why she blocked me. G Said that I wasn’t being supportive of her but all I wanted was to pick a game for once and if she needed a break she could have told me she said my mom said some mean things about her and I apologized I just wanted to know what was going on.Back to the Snapchat conversation things are heated right now Then G calls me a Bitch. I was made and said to her “This shows what kind of person you are ass” I was very mad all I wanted was an apology and I would have apologized to her for the unpleasant nagging. I end up blocking her on Snapchat. At This point, I’m crying because this did not need to get to this point when I get a message from Instagram From G saying “I CALLED YOU OUT FOR BEING A BAD PERSON AND YOU CRY BECAUSE UR BITCH ASS CANT TAKE THAT UR A BAD FRIEND” I was Mad and told her Fuck you she said “IF YOU THINK FOR ONE SECOND UR SAD DEPRESSED ASS IS BETTER THAN ME THINK AGAIN” This message right here Made me rethink Everything about our friendship things For almost a year now I have been battling depression seeing my doctor, social workers even my guidance counsellor to help me get through the school year. I trusted her with something like this, she knows what I have been going through and she used it against me, it makes me even more upset because she also has depression she has also been going through things she knows how it feels to be in a state were it seem like everything is hopeless and she used it against me. even saying she does not want to be here anymore after talking to me.Somehow were calmed down and called I don’t remember much but I do remember telling her that bringing up my depression was hurtful and unacceptable. What made me more upset was that she said she was sorry and that she wanted to say more hurtful like this. At that moment I thought “I don’t want to be friends anymore “Before we ended the call we decided to take a break from each other. FOR A WEEK STRAIGHT I was debating whether or not to stay friends I talked to my support group at school my sister and my mom Before I made a decision What sealed it for me was when my older sister said “If she can escalate it quickly something like this will happen again and maybe even worse. so I made my conclusion and Blocked her on everything even deleting the Instagram chat Even my mom said I should block her thought that was the end of that 2:00 am in morning, I got a notification from her alt account and someone else called me a hypocrite because I blocked her without saying anything. My account was not private at the time. I think I should have told her that I wanted a break but I felt like my reason was much clearer than she. I started crying like I just wanted to be left alone and not have to deal with her toxic energy.I go to school the morning of and at the end of the day WHILE In a meeting with the school social worker I'm getting notifications from comments under my post from her and the same person. I blocked the other person and told her I would talk with her later when getting on the bus she was arguing in the comment section of one of my posts I do have a screenshot of the conversations coming up but not of the Instagram or Snapchat because I did not think I would have needed them but il summary here: G is saying that I'm a hypocrite and a bullied telling me about all the time I made her feel bad or hurt her. (quick note I know I have stuff that has hurt her and when they happen tell her I'm sorry and do all that I can to make sure it does not happen again I even tell her when I do something that hurts tell me so I can change)and how I was still friends with another family friend she did get along with. I knew about that and because of that I limited my contact with her and tried my best to make sure they were not around each other. we ended up calling later I was at the mall at the time I don't remember much from it but I do know this is where I started to get angry. I was yelling in the comer of the mall where nobody was around but I was still getting looks, to begin with, the only people that were involved were people, adults that I trusted, I was not going to get any of our friends involved until she said oh I was blocked by some of our other friends so you may have told me the themWhen I ended the call I'm "You think I'm talking shit NOW I am "I call up my other family friend Let's call her MM is the girl G does not like even going as far as to shit-talk her to me sometimes. I Call M, at this point, I need to get some steam off my chest I tell her about how Fake G is and she's like " thought so "She even asks if G was talking shit about her and I confirmed all of that to her. The whole walk home I was cussing G out because I was done trying to be friendly and at the end M like you should warn R . She is another one of my family friends. I agreed because R is a super sweet person I did not want her to do something like this to her so we made a group chat with R and I recap her and M even my older sister on it. When I told them about the time she blocked me for 4 days and the other times they both were like "She's Done this before multiple times "something I wish I picked up early on. R told Us that the last night of me blocking her G went straight to her and when she talking she was leaving out a lot of details. While I was talking to them I was getting messages from her telling me to admit that I'm a bully and a bad person but I told her I WILL NOT ADMIT TO YOUR DELUSION OF ME. Like I was not hearing her out and I did not want to. even messages from other people telling ME to apologize LIKE NO.Later on, I GET a message from some random 18 year old CALLING ME NAMES LIKE PUSSY FUCKGLY BITCH, MANIPULATIVE FUCK ETC and in my head, I'm like WHO THE ACTUAL FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU DON'T NOW SHIT NOT ENOUGH to be IN MY DMS. I'm texting back in Fort with her and she tells me I'm an embarrassment and that I should OFF MYSELF IM AN EMBARRASEMENT AND THAT I SHOULD OFF myself and yet I'M THE BULLYI GET YET ANOTHER MESSAGE FROM SOMEONE ELSE A 17-YEAR-OLD CALLING ME NAME AND TELLING ME TO ACT LIKE AN ADULT MIND YOU BOTH OF THEM ARE OLDER THAN ME AND YET IM IMMATURE IM THE FUCKING BULLY IM THE BAD PERSONI take screenshots and send them to R and M, saying this is what she's doing now and yet she is still convinced I'm a bully. I showed it to my sister, and when I did that I should take this to Mom and I did show it to her she called G's mom, and I told g's mom about everything up to this point. About the messages and harassment online the insults FROM OTHER PEOPLE and even when she said she did want to be here when she was talking to me. she was NOT happy at all with what her daughter was doing while on the phone I'm hearing G yet again trying to blame me and even LYING about her wanting to off herself. I was pretty clear G's mom was NOT on her side.after I had one final chat with her in a group chat with R and M so everyone could see and she couldn't twist my words anymore. I told her about the threats and showed her the screenshots and she's like "Oh I'm sorry I didn't think they would do that " like she was not the one to give them my iG in the first place. even calling me immature for how I responded to them TF YOU EXPECT ME TO BE RESPECTFUL TO THEM AFTER SEEING those MESSAGES? She pissed me off here but it did not appear until later that night. Even after all this she still thinks I'm this horrible bully of hers saying I was lying about when she said she wanted to OFF herself. why would I lie about that not gaining shit from it. while we are talking M is talking to supporting me and saying things I should have said to her and not be as passive as I was. Finally, in the end, G gave me an ACTUALLY APOLOGY for the one thing I wanted from the beginning the the half-baked one she was giving me. I accept this one cause this is what I was waiting for. I said my apologies cause I realized I did things wrong too but I wanted to take back my apologies when she was like "Now you're not ignoring my apology because people can see and call you out for ignoring it. At the end I said if we can take a break and come back maybe and she's like " oh you told my mom I wanted to off myself I'm never talking to you again. LIKE DID YOU NOT SAY THAT TO ME, DID YOU NOT GET PEOPLE SO INSULT AND TREATIN' MY LIFE? we agreed to be decent but now looking a this I do want TO BE DECENT NOT WITH YOU The gravity of the situation did not hit me till about 2 am the morning with me on the phone crying to people from the crisis line, even scared I was going to wake up to New messages from other people It’s been almost 3 Months and I’m still affected by this thinking of how I lost yet another friend. I thought FINALLY I have friends to rely on and then she stabbed me in the back like this I would rather now be alone than deal with something like THIS AGAIN To make things WORSE I wanted to off myself For a bit during the end of April I went BACK doe’s message telling me to off myself and thinking maybe there’s were right maybe I should and maybe I am a bad person. I EVEN WAS THINKING OF MESSAGING HER Because I was lonely. Thank god I didn’t
sorry for the long rant I needed to get this out of my system

Hey there. So I got myself a Canyon Grizl CF SL 8 two months ago, rode 250km and I am totally in love with riding and the gravel hobby at this point.
Now I feel like spending a little extra on a great set of Zipp or DT Swiss rims, which is sadly a huge problem due to the Microspline used by Shimano. Before doing all the upgrading, I felt like selling the bike I just got (only lost 10% of its value) and looking into the perfect setup with great rims included. I narrowed it down to the two bikes in the title. This is where I need your help:
Grizl: + new DI2 (which sells at around 1500) + new DT Swiss 1400 Dicut (which are brand new and sell around 2000) + decent carbon frame at only 950gr

• kind of a sketchy fork with a short spacer that literally calls for breaking mid ride
• only weird color ways available
• Canyon being kind of a hipster brand that is throwing bikes at people

Diverge: + great frame by a great brand in a great color + on sale for 800 bucks less than the Grizl
+/- okayish rims (not nearly as good as the DT Swiss, but decent) +/- okayish SRAM group +/- future shock 2.0 (which will never allow for the fork to break in that place but adds weight and looks like a stupid gimmick)

• adds 1kg compared to the Grizl
• no free service during the first six months (which Canyon offers at local showrooms and it really works great)

Any opinions or points to add? I am really not sure which one I should go with.

I don't care if people know who I am, I am using a throwaway account that google named for me and I have no way of changing lol but people who know me will easily recognize me so it's whatever, I talk about this IRL openly.
I feel like telling my story and sharing it with people so here goes.
I want to make it clear that I am not looking for help or advice because I firmly believe that unless someone knows me personally and knows my life and situation better they can not offer any kind of advice that applies to me. Experience has taught me as much and that's ok.
I'm an Eastern European Slavic 40 year old bisexual legally blind guy, tho my biseuxality isn't something I consider a big deal, it's not your typical bisexuality anyway and getting into it now will make all this confusing. Suffice to say I lean more towards women. Me being legally blind (meaning my vision is so bad I can't drive/have difficulty getting around outside) doesn't bother me personally one bit, it bothers others. On top of that I have prosopagnosia, face blindness and am a bit on the spectrum.
ALL this sounds worse than it actually is :)
I consider myself a very happy person and have never wanted for anything in life, I was rasied by the best famiily imaginable and had the best childhood a boy could ask for. From video games to toys, pets and unconditional love from my family I had and have it all. I don't do drugs, not even weed, I don't smoke or drink, my head is clear and I am of sound mind at all times pretty much.
Early on in life I developed a strange fetish that I won't get into and the fetish wasn't developed due to abuse or anything it just happened and even now I still have it, it isn't sexual or anything just weird, but it can be easily misunderstood to be something bad when it isn't. Of course having a family I can fully confide in I shared my issue with them and found understanding for it, but I did that a little too late in 2008. Talked to a therapist or two about it and overall it has been determined that it's nothing "evil" just uniquely strange. It did not affect the single relationship I had in my life, girl knew about it, didn't mind/care but showed compassion and understanding. I've shared it with my now ex best friend, she was beyond accepting and understanding, one of my current best friends tho he doesn't know im bi but has full understanding about it and I am CONSIDERING sharing it with another one of my friends who knows im bi but doesn't know about it...tho since the thing doesn't affect my life in any way it's whatever nowadays, it was more prevalent when I was younger.
My entire life I've wanted for nothing, I grew up surrounded by loved ones whom I loved endlessly and showed eternal gratitude towards. To say that my life hasn't been hard at times such as having issues with studying or being bullied at school would be a lie, but even in those times I was happy in general. I had a friend or two and a loving family at my back and so many things I loved doing and enjoying that whatever issues I had became trivial most of the time.
Of course due to my bisexuality and strange fetish which I wouldn't disclose to my family until 2008 I avoided normal social situations growing up so it doesn't come out or be noticed. I acted like the class clown and acted immature to avoid girls wanting to date me because I genuinely believed I couldn't have sex. I had to come to terms that I will probably never have a family of my own or a wife which always pained me and terrified me, after all I am used to being surrounded by loved ones.
As the years went on I was working on myself and my career, at 34, had a very passionate relationship with a wonderful lady but it ended poorly due to her having some serious issues I did not want to deal with further in life, such as severe BPD and a gambling addiction. She was a great person outside of that and in spite of her BPD treated me wonderfully until the night we broke up. I have nothing but fond memories of this relationship and am grateful I met her and experienced this.
In spite of my severe visual impairment I managed to build myself a decent career as an artist and make enough to sustain myself and have a modest life. I take great joy in the things I love in life but never forget the things that make me sad. At my lowest I am fully aware of the things I adore in life and the things that make me happy and at my happiest I am fully aware of the things that hurt deeply and do not deny them.
Over the years people have been openly disgusted and afraid of me, they've openly considered me special needs and have told me that my poor eyesight is very obvious. During a theater trip in college I didn't know the part of town we were in and a girl literally moved away from me in disgust because as she said, she was weirded out that I can't find my way around the city I live in. Of course I am not the type to bow his head down and take bs from people so I let her have it in as strict, direct and forward way as possible without resorting to yelling and insults and that put her in her place.
But that's one moment that ended up scarring me for life. The older I'd get the more I'd find myself in situations where people and women would be genuinely afraid of me due to my disabilities and issues or just think of me as a weirdo they want nothing to do with.
Growing up many of the neighborhood kids and their parents thought I was mentally challenged and to this day people who have long moved away have been known to refer to me as such when someone mentions me and not in a favorable way mind you.
2016-2019 I had a very abusive friend who at the same time was an incredible person I could fully confide in and she ended up insulting me about my poor eyesight and what not. None of it was on me and I discussed it with a therapist at great length and we determined it was all on her as she treated her bf the same way if not worse. Even so, her emotional abuse left a deep scar in me. She tried to make up in 2022 just to be even more abusive (she will probably come across this, so she should know I don't hate her, we just can't work as friends but I will forever miss the great aspects of her personality and I will forever be grateful for accepting all my weird shit, I know for a fact she'd recognize who I am if she reads this and she will most likely find it at some point). To this day I have dreams about this person and how she is changed, mellowed down and we become friends for life and she doesn't abuse me anymore...but that's never going to happen. I can't hate her or the girl I dated, both of these people mean the world to me.
I do hate a certain other idiot former friend I had they both also know "professionally" btw :) But that's a different and irrelevant story so meh.
ANYWAY back on topic.
The older I get the less women want to have to deal with a man who isn't as capable, rich, reliable in terms of driving, getting to places quickly and so on. My face blindness weirds people out big time so I can't just go hang out at a bar, see a girl and memorize her face and then chat her up the next day, a small change in hairstyle or clothing renders a brand new face in my head or a familiar face if somebody else looks like her. Face blidness combined with poor eyesight is no joke, it destorys you socially. Having difficulties getting around town and being unable to drive is also a big dealbreaker for women.
Basically nobody wants a disabled guy with little money and no means to be a proper MAN, as my "abusive" friend put it, I can't protect a woman, I can't go to her job and deal with a problem situation if there is one, I have no connections, no means to handle a problematic situation, I can't drive, you can see I have eyesight issues form miles away and my thick glasses alone are enough to put any woman away initially.
That's not to say that I'm not a good person with a great personality, she said, but that I am a person who initially puts people away and this is very very true the older I get.
Women in the age range of 30-40 don't want to deal with this stuff, they need fully developed, normal men in their lives. Not a guy with disabilities who is also sexually not quite conventional and physically not as capable as other men.
I have no way of meeting people at this point in life and given my situation I don't want to meet someone through a friend and make shit awkward for everyone because I am fully open and don't want to hide anything from those close to me.
I know at least 4 people who are going to read this and instant recognize me and that's ok :) I don't care/mind I just felt like sharing since the forum I'd normally share this on where I talked about it openly banned me for not being "woke" enough
now I might as well sign my full name XD

I need help understanding this symptom, it’s not consistent but often with ejaculation and urination it feels like the first intial release of urine/semen is blocked as if urethra was stuck together and comes with a sharp sting, but if I release a small amount of urine first there’s little to no pain same goes for ejaculation if I have some precum first there’s no sharp pain with ejaculation. My flow is good, I can recreate a sting at tip when pressing penerium but I don’t understand that blocked feeling that is eased with dripping out a tiny bit of urine/precum first. Been two years of this, it’s weird it’s almost like I’m scared to start the stream then I get that feeling then once the flow is going im good then after it may sting some more

I had a panic attack (or so they suspect...also said it might be AFIB which made me anxious) and decided out of an abundance of caution to go to the ER. I felt a little better by the time I got there but checked in anyway. They gave me some fluids and a 5mg Valium (I've never taken a benzo before) and it made me feel super calm (this was Friday). All day yesterday I had a massive headache and felt very lethargic and shakey. Today I no longer have a headache but I'm extremely shakey, slightly dizzy and it's making me feel very depressed (I never feel depressed). It's also making me feel very on edge anxious and just coming and going in weird waves.
I guess I'm wondering...how long until this feeling goes away? I know valium is slow to leave your system but should I feel better in another day or two bc THIS SUCKS.

A postal carrier, that anonymous stranger who knows your first, middle, and last name. They know if you’re married, single, or divorced; if you’re struggling to pay the bills, called to jury duty, or how well you’re liked by the amount of Christmas cards you receive. They know more than they should, and yet we know nothing about them. That never bothered me until my new postal carrier introduced himself with a complaint about a nonexistent problem.
One evening I came home from the office, and as I was launching my briefcase up into the air, aiming for the couch, and loosening my tie, I heard the doorbell ring. I opened the door and standing on the front porch with his arm extended, was the postal carrier holding a piece of paper. Was he new? Didn’t seem familiar but then again all I ever saw of the postal carrier was a shadow sitting in a tiny truck.
He was covered in dark, matted hair. I could see neither the skin on his arms or legs. The pale pigment of his skin revealed only under his grey eyes above a thick long beard and mustache.
He handed me the piece of paper. It was a form with a checkmark by one of many categories of complaint, of which I was accused of parking in front of the mailbox. On the very bottom was penciled: Please kindly move your vehicle from in front of the car.
It was a strange request since I never parked on the street. In fact, I never parked in the driveway. I always put my baby in the garage.
“But I’m not parked in front of the mailbox!” I explained. He simply flashed his pearly whites and walked away.
The very next afternoon the doorbell rang again. It was him, with another piece of paper in hand.
“This is ridiculous. I’m not parked in front of the mailbox. Holy shit, I’m not even parked outside!”
He grunted and shook his head no and pushed the note into my stomach. I grabbed the piece of paper. This wasn’t a form, but lined paper with a note:
This neighborhood sure does have a lot of rabbits, Jerry! You must be a very lucky guy.
Confused, I handed him back the letter. Jerry, great, he knew my name. Well of course he knew my name, but just to see evidence of it- that unnerved me.
“Yeah, well I don’t know about lucky,” I said as I tried to turn away.
“Why are rabbit feet so lucky?” he asked in a barely audible whisper.
“What? Rabbit feet?”
He cleared his throat. “Is it an award for catching them. Is the luck in their belly at first and then it just kind of sinks down into their feet. Seems a little weird to me. So, if I catch a rabbit and cut its foot off, how long will that luck last?”
“I got to go…” I tried to answer.
“I bet its only for about a week. I mean they’re real easy to catch. Doesn’t seem right you would get much luck for such an easy task.” He was excited about the topic and unwilling to stop the conversation, so I abruptly walked into the house and shut the door behind me. I could hear him still talking for a bit before he finally realized I wasn’t there.
“Ok Jerry, we’ll talk tomorrow. See ya, buddy.” I watched through the door lite as he walked back towards the mail truck.
“I like Jerry. That was a good talk. He don’t know much about rabbits though,” he said to himself.
For a third day in a row the doorbell rang. I refused to answer the door and stayed upstairs in my room. He was a stubborn carrier, that anonymous whoever standing on my front porch. He rang the doorbell for over an hour. When he finally decided to quit on the doorbell, he stepped out into the front yard and yelled up at my bedroom window.
“Ok Jerry, we’ll talk tomorrow. I left you something on the front porch. It’s a whole lotta luck. Should last you about three months.” I heard the truck door shut and the engine fade away into the distance.
I pulled the shade down to make sure he was nowhere around. I saw that the truck was gone, so I made my way downstairs. Outside on the front porch was a green plastic tote, with a flip-top lid. Flies were buzzing in and out of the partial opening where the two sides of the lid did not fit tightly. I could see dried blood on either side of the tote. I searched around the yard and found a stick. I took the stick, forced it into a small opening and lifted open the lid. The tote was filled with severed rabbit’s feet, what looked to be the remains of a whole bunch of rabbits. There on top was a piece of paper that read:
Jerry, I like you. Here’s some luck!!!!!!!!! Hope it lasts a long, long time.
Rabbits are so slow. It’s funny. Why are they lucky? But if that’s the rule.
Your friend.
The bottom of my throat bulged with the contents of my stomach. I vomited into the tote, not so much out of disgust, but out of fear. I went inside and called the police.
The police came and took my report, along with a detective that wanted a statement.
Detective Fletcher had a few questions. It wouldn’t take long. “What did this man look like?”
I explained to the detective as much as I could remember but felt it a little unnecessary since he worked for the post office. How hard could it be to apprehend him?
“No, this guy doesn’t work for the post office. Your postal carrier is on vacation this week. There was a report of a stolen mail truck, but we haven’t tracked it down. Seems like the carrier filling in runs earlier in the day. This other sick fella came afterward.”
“You guys are going to catch him, right?”
“Well…,” he shrugged his shoulders. He then pulled out a card and handed it to me. “If you remember anything else give me a call, otherwise call 911.”
Not feeling very confident with the detective’s answer, I decided to buy a gun. I found a pawn store on Dickerson Road and bought a small caliber revolver. Being that I had never owned a gun, or shot one for that matter, I resolved to get to the firing range and practice, but instead I tossed it unloaded into my nightstand and forgot all about it.
Months passed and the regular postal carrier resumed his route. Mike was his name. I forced myself to get to know him. I owed it to him, and I was thankful that he wasn’t a rabbit obsessed loon. He was rather confused by my unwarranted admiration, but we got along well. Mike had gone to Panama City Beach the week of my strange visitations. He had bought some bright yellow socks with palm trees embroidered across the seams. He wore them every Friday as a reminder that he now had less than a year before his next trip to the beach.
“Man, I wish I was back on the beach, but I wouldn’t feel right leaving you with my substitute. I hear the U.S. Post Office will hire anybody. Maybe next time I’ll leave you a rabbit foot for protection,” he would often say, never realizing that he had said it to me numerous times already. I would always laugh even though the joke had long run its course. Yet, I felt safe with him around. Everything was fine and right until that November.
Thanksgiving was two weeks away and I was getting ready for a trip back home to visit my parents. By the end of the night, I was exhausted from packing, planning, and the general chaos of holiday maneuverings. I laid down on the bed to take a load off my feet, and unintentionally fell asleep.
I was awakened by something landing on my chest. The lights were still on, so it didn’t take my eyes long to focus. There standing at the end of my bed was the crazy, fake, not-so-real postal carrier. The hair on his body had grown long, and hung in twisted, filthy knots. His eyes were dark red, and set deep under his protruding brow. He flashed his teeth, but this time there were long incisors situated on both his upper and lower jaws.
“I thought you would like the luck I gave you.” He struggled to speak through his fang-fitted mouth. “But maybe it wasn’t enough. My gift was not so good, so I got you something better.”
I pulled my eyes away from him and looked down at my chest. It was a severed human leg wearing a bright yellow sock with Panama City Beach embroidered across the seam. I shoved the leg off of me and onto the floor.
“Don’t do that,” he admonished. “I worked hard for that. He fought real hard. That kind of fight-back has got to be worth a lot of luck.” He lumbered over to the side of the bed, picked up the leg, and tossed it on my lap.
I quickly moved to the other side of the bed. This offended him; he growled and hunched over in an intimidating stance of defiance. “Jerry, you make me confused. Why don’t you like my gift?”
“I do. Believe me, I do. I appreciate the gift.”
“And the pretty sock?” he added.
“Yes, and the pretty sock.” I slowly reached over and pulled open the nightstand drawer to get the gun. He saw what I was doing and hurried around to the other side of the bed to accost me. I pulled the gun out and aimed, but there was nothing but a click. I had forgotten that the gun was empty.
“Jerry tried to kill me,” he bellowed in anger.
“No, no. I was just getting my gun to go hunt rabbits with you. I like the yellow sock, but you still got to get rabbits for luck. Human feet just have a very little amount of luck. I don’t know why but for some reason rabbits are magical and they got a lot of luck stored inside them. You said I didn’t like your first gift but that’s not true. Man, that was the best time of my life. I had all kinds of good luck flowing around me. Thank you. Now, I need more.”
“Really, Jerry?”
“Yes. Now I want to show you a special place where there are lots of rabbits, so many in fact, they fill up a whole field. You can just step out and pick one up without even chasing or shooting it.”
I convinced my bestial antagonist to wait outside while I got the car out of the garage. I told him that we had to drive across town to get to the field. I opened the garage door and backed out. I was hoping he was in the driveway so I could run him over, but the goon was waiting in the yard. He opened the door and hopped in the passenger seat. He smelled awful, like a wet dog, and his foul essence exuded throughout the interior of my car. I feared I would never be able to wash the stench out of the seat fabric. His labored breathing was loud and obnoxious. I was ready to be rid of him.
I drove over two hours to the next county, deep in a rural, swath of hills and patchy forests. I spotted a dirt road to the left and turned down it.
“This is it.” I stopped the car.
“Where are all the rabbits?”
“It’s on up the road but we got to get out and walk from here.” He looked over at me with a quizzical look. “Well go on. I just got to get something out of the trunk. You’re going to miss out on all that luck.”
We both got out and he walked on ahead as I walked around to the back of the car. He looked back, but I motioned him to move forward. I opened the trunk to complete the ruse. As soon as he was a good distance up the road, I closed the trunk and jumped in the car. I reached over and shut his door as well, pushing the button to activate the door locks.
He hadn’t noticed anything at all was awry. I was tempted to slowly roll up on him and then run him over, be done with the threat of him forever, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I put the car in reverse and slowly backed out onto the road. At that point he turned and ran towards me, wailing like a child, begging me not to leave him. I put the car in drive and sped off.
As I turned onto the road that led to my neighborhood, I noticed an abandoned postal truck parked up at the elementary school. It was at that moment I realized a crucial mistake in what I had done. Although difficult, I should have finished him off. I should have put him down. I traveled a long distance to rid myself of this ragged old dog, dropped him off in the country, in the middle of nowhere, as so many other irresponsible pet owners have done in the past, but unlike all those other pet owners, my damn dog can drive.

I have vagus nerve damage combined with a relentless kundalini energy that just blasts me with light 24/7. It’s a combination of some weird bliss along with a burning nervous system. Not a good combo.
So, I’ve tried everything to ground. Gaining weight eating everything I can get my hands on, hugging trees, acupuncture. The “great” thing about my form of nerve damage is that I am so sensitive that I can feel the energy moving up and also moving down whenever I do grounding. It’s pretty clear.
The problem is that whenever the energy goes down I feel less burning and things indeed starting to calm down, but tremendous internal pressure that’s basically telling me “nope, you’re going to suffer either way buddy”. It’s a really nasty pressure all over my body when I ground. Head, shoulders, back, lower back.
Does anyone have any idea what this means? It’s pretty much universally known within kundalini circles that grounding will alleviate symptoms of kundalini syndrome, but basically I just trade severe burning for severe internal pressure. Honestly this is disgusting to me as I’ve tried everything in good faith to heal myself and everything just backfires. Imagine not having the option to raise energy OR ground energy, and then if you just go about your day like a normal human it just rises on its own anyway.
There are literally stories on the internet of people frying their nervous system but finding a way to heal themselves through consistent, effective grounding. Imagine not having that as an option. That’s where I’m at.

One cold winter evening, my curiosity piqued as I sat by the fireplace, reading a book about cognitive psychology. The book started me on an introspective journey, allowing me to explore my mental images and mental simulations.
I began with the mental image. I thought about my favorite spot at the beach; the crystal clear water, the golden sand beneath my toes, the sun beating down on my skin. I felt a sense of serenity wash over me. It was as if I was physically there, feeling the energy of nature, despite sitting by the fire.
Next, I tried the mental simulation. This time, I imagined myself preparing for a job interview. I pictured myself walking into the office, greeting the receptionist, and sitting across from the interviewer. I visualized his questions and my confident responses. Anxiety prickled at my nerves, but it was a constructive sort of stress—the kind that gears you up for the actual event.
The difference between what I felt in both scenarios was startling. The mental image of the beach was pure tranquility, a snapshot of a fond past memory. In contrast, the mental simulation of the job interview was more dynamic, a rehearsal for a future event filled with potential challenge and success.
Funny thing is, there's no beach in my vicinity and that job interview? Oh, it's six months away! I'm just sitting here in my cozy living room, sipping hot cocoa, and playing mind games with myself.
P.S. Now, don't go thinking I've lost my marbles. I'm just giving you an example of how our brains can paint vivid pictures and simulate future scenarios. Trust me, it's crazy useful! For example, next time you're stuck in traffic, instead of honking like a maniac, you could mentally simulate being at home, sipping a cold beer. Who knows, it might make the wait a bit more bearable! Just don’t get too lost in your mental simulations, you still need to drive!

Intro:
I'll begin by saying that I'm one week in and feeling good. Better than I've felt in years. However, for some reason, I'm not entirely convinced and find myself constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm afraid to become overly optimistic.
Short Background:
I've been struggling with depression since mid-2020 but only started seeking help in late 2022. In late 2023, I was prescribed Wellbutrin as my first medication. One of my biggest challenges with depression has been chronic lethargy. At first, I appreciated Wellbutrin for the increased energy it provided. Unfortunately, this energy came with severe nervousness, frequent panic attacks, insomnia, and a persistent sense of impending doom. These negative side effects far outweighed the slight boost in energy. It's also important to note that I didn't experience any anxiety-related issues before starting Wellbutrin. I've recently discontinued Wellbutrin and have started taking Lexapro.
Dosage:
I was prescribed 2.5 mg of Lexapro for the first week, followed by 5 mg thereafter.
Symptoms:

1. Nausea - This has persisted since day one.
   
2. Drowsiness - Reminded me of high school after smoking a massive blunt. I slept the first three days except to occasionally get up for food and water. Muscles felt heavy. Breathing slowed down. Pillow felt amazing. By day four, this feeling had significantly diminished.
   
3. Munchies - This goes with number 2. Feel stoned and want all the most most greasy foods. Still have the cravings but my willpower to eat health came back on day four.
   
4. Dry mouth - This was really bad but subsided after the first two days.
   
5. Neck swelling/Headache/Increased Anxiety - These symptoms appeared a few hours after taking the medication during the first two days, but would only last for 30 minutes to an hour before being replaced by an overwhelming sense of peace.
   

Current State:
Aside from the previously mentioned side effects, I've primarily felt a general sense of well-being, which is a stark contrast to how I've felt over the past few years. Situations that triggered panic attacks on Wellbutrin now feel entirely manageable. The insomnia I experienced on Wellbutrin has completely disappeared; I can now tell myself I'm tired, lie down, and fall asleep. This improvement is significant. When I wake up, I feel rejuvenated, which never happened on Wellbutrin or before. Previously, no amount of sleep alleviated my fatigue. On Wellbutrin, I constantly felt like I was trying to catch up on missed sleep. Now, my desire to engage in activities I enjoy is returning, and I have the energy to go outside and exercise again. I do feel moody at times, but it seems like I'm experiencing emotions that were long suppressed, which feels appropriate. So far, the side effects have been minimal, and the positives are promising. However, I'm a little worried about increasing my dosage after a successful first week. As I mentioned earlier, I feel like I'm waiting for something to go wrong. Has anyone else experienced this? Can I dare to believe that this medication might be the one? I'd appreciate any thoughts and experiences you might have. Otherwise, thanks for reading this far. I hope we all find our way to a better place.