Medusa mask ideas
TombOfTheMask
2020.06.26 14:35 GalaxyPlayz_ TombOfTheMask
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2013.03.02 16:21 IAmNemesis ''Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.''
A place where mask-makers and fans of masks can post resources, questions, images, ideas, of masks that conceal or amplify the identity of the wearer. Disguises, horror masks, character masks, blank masks, theater masks, character masks, ritual/historical masks and the like. Please note: - This is a non-commercial space. - This is not a sub for medical mask resources. Try masks4all
2024.05.16 08:25 _Triple_ [STORE] 900+ KNIVES/GLOVES/SKINS, 100.000$+ INVENTORY. BFK Lore, Gloves Amphibious, Skeleton Fade, Bowie Emerald, BFK Auto, Gloves MF, Talon Doppler, Gloves POW, Bayo Tiger, Gut Sapphire, Stiletto MF, M9 Ultra, Ursus Doppler, Flip Doppler, M9 Stained, Nomad CW, Paracord CW, AK-47 X-Ray & A Lot More
Everything in my inventory is up for trade. The most valuable items are listed here, the rest you can find in My Inventory
Feel free to Add Me or even better send a Trade Offer. Open for any suggestions: upgrades, downgrades / knives, gloves, skins / stickers, patterns, floats.
All Buyouts are listed in cash value.
KNIVES
★ Butterfly Knife Lore (Factory New), B/O: $7194.77
★ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2025.74
⎯★ M9 Bayonet Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $557.87
★ M9 Bayonet Stained (Well-Worn), B/O: $529.41
★ M9 Bayonet Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $465.39
⎯★ Talon Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $1295.27
★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Minimal Wear), B/O: $746.28
★ Karambit Bright Water (Field-Tested), B/O: $688.15
⎯★ Flip Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $547.93
★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $476.69
★ Flip Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $278.18
★ Flip Knife Black Laminate (Well-Worn), B/O: $258.83
★ Flip Knife Urban Masked (Field-Tested), B/O: $181.64
⎯★ Stiletto Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $686.04
★ Stiletto Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $665.41
★ Stiletto Knife, B/O: $601.39
★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $418.25
★ Stiletto Knife Night Stripe (Field-Tested), B/O: $227.80
★ Stiletto Knife Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $194.96
★ Stiletto Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested), B/O: $192.79
⎯★ Nomad Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $518.11
★ Nomad Knife Scorched (Field-Tested), B/O: $169.78
★ Nomad Knife Forest DDPAT (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $166.88
★ StatTrak™ Nomad Knife Blue Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $335.79
⎯★ Skeleton Knife Stained (Well-Worn), B/O: $442.05
★ Skeleton Knife Urban Masked (Minimal Wear), B/O: $426.24
★ Skeleton Knife Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $314.03
★ StatTrak™ Skeleton Knife Fade (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2361.28
★ StatTrak™ Skeleton Knife Urban Masked (Field-Tested), B/O: $376.53
⎯★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $557.12
★ Ursus Knife, B/O: $471.42
★ Ursus Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $212.37
★ Ursus Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $187.66
★ Ursus Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $178.18
★ Ursus Knife Ultraviolet (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $155.13
★ Ursus Knife Boreal Forest (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $124.26
⎯★ Huntsman Knife Black Laminate (Minimal Wear), B/O: $204.83
★ Huntsman Knife Black Laminate (Field-Tested), B/O: $184.50
★ StatTrak™ Huntsman Knife Lore (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $224.11
⎯★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $2142.02
★ Bowie Knife, B/O: $230.44
★ Bowie Knife Damascus Steel (Factory New), B/O: $209.20
★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet (Minimal Wear), B/O: $180.51
★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $131.03
⎯★ Falchion Knife Night (Field-Tested), B/O: $132.54
★ Falchion Knife Urban Masked (Well-Worn), B/O: $112.81
★ Falchion Knife Scorched (Field-Tested), B/O: $108.81
★ Falchion Knife Forest DDPAT (Field-Tested), B/O: $107.82
★ Falchion Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested), B/O: $107.46
★ StatTrak™ Falchion Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $143.08
⎯★ Paracord Knife Crimson Web (Minimal Wear), B/O: $486.48
★ Paracord Knife Blue Steel (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $163.12
⎯★ Survival Knife Blue Steel (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $138.26
★ Survival Knife Night Stripe (Field-Tested), B/O: $131.03
⎯★ Gut Knife Sapphire (Minimal Wear), B/O: $1127.79
★ Gut Knife Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $286.17
★ Gut Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $246.55
★ Gut Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $240.77
★ Gut Knife, B/O: $210.49
★ Gut Knife Lore (Field-Tested), B/O: $194.22
★ Gut Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $151.51
★ Gut Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $124.94
★ Gut Knife Rust Coat (Well-Worn), B/O: $118.99
★ Gut Knife Boreal Forest (Minimal Wear), B/O: $109.80
★ StatTrak™ Gut Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $237.96
⎯★ Shadow Daggers Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $264.92
★ Shadow Daggers Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $253.03
★ Shadow Daggers Tiger Tooth (Factory New), B/O: $237.22
★ Shadow Daggers Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $153.40
★ Shadow Daggers Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $144.42
★ Shadow Daggers Blue Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $105.20
★ StatTrak™ Shadow Daggers Damascus Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $150.46
⎯★ Navaja Knife Fade (Factory New), B/O: $365.99
★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $228.93
★ Navaja Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $227.43
★ Navaja Knife Slaughter (Factory New), B/O: $209.06
★ Navaja Knife, B/O: $203.16
★ Navaja Knife Case Hardened (Well-Worn), B/O: $132.57
★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Factory New), B/O: $121.69
★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $109.95
★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $100.41
★ StatTrak™ Navaja Knife Fade (Factory New), B/O: $369.01
★ StatTrak™ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $109.95
GLOVES
★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2394.67
★ Sport Gloves Omega (Well-Worn), B/O: $572.33
★ Sport Gloves Bronze Morph (Minimal Wear), B/O: $338.88
★ Sport Gloves Big Game (Field-Tested), B/O: $323.66
⎯★ Specialist Gloves Marble Fade (Minimal Wear), B/O: $1652.07
★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike (Field-Tested), B/O: $599.14
★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web (Well-Worn), B/O: $231.57
★ Specialist Gloves Buckshot (Minimal Wear), B/O: $126.21
⎯★ Moto Gloves POW! (Minimal Wear), B/O: $996.99
★ Moto Gloves POW! (Field-Tested), B/O: $383.31
★ Moto Gloves POW! (Well-Worn), B/O: $276.00
★ Moto Gloves Turtle (Field-Tested), B/O: $180.28
⎯★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Minimal Wear), B/O: $502.29
★ Hand Wraps Giraffe (Minimal Wear), B/O: $180.73
★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $178.32
⎯★ Driver Gloves Queen Jaguar (Minimal Wear), B/O: $181.01
★ Driver Gloves Rezan the Red (Field-Tested), B/O: $101.66
⎯★ Broken Fang Gloves Jade (Field-Tested), B/O: $127.88
★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point (Minimal Wear), B/O: $124.55
⎯★ Bloodhound Gloves Guerrilla (Minimal Wear), B/O: $127.94
★ Hydra Gloves Case Hardened (Field-Tested), B/O: $102.55
WEAPONS
AK-47 X-Ray (Well-Worn), B/O: $478.95
AUG Hot Rod (Factory New), B/O: $425.83
StatTrak™ M4A1-S Hyper Beast (Factory New), B/O: $413.95
M4A4 Daybreak (Factory New), B/O: $309.51
StatTrak™ AK-47 Aquamarine Revenge (Factory New), B/O: $305.43
AK-47 Case Hardened (Well-Worn), B/O: $196.38
StatTrak™ M4A4 Temukau (Minimal Wear), B/O: $174.64
P90 Run and Hide (Field-Tested), B/O: $167.03
AWP Asiimov (Field-Tested), B/O: $153.33
Souvenir SSG 08 Death Strike (Minimal Wear), B/O: $140.00
M4A1-S Printstream (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $124.70
StatTrak™ M4A1-S Golden Coil (Field-Tested), B/O: $117.48
AWP Asiimov (Well-Worn), B/O: $115.97
StatTrak™ Desert Eagle Printstream (Minimal Wear), B/O: $112.96
StatTrak™ AK-47 Asiimov (Minimal Wear), B/O: $110.85
Souvenir M4A1-S Master Piece (Well-Worn), B/O: $102.42
AK-47 Bloodsport (Minimal Wear), B/O: $100.53
Trade Offer Link - Steam Profile Link - My Inventory
Some items on the list may no longer be available or are still locked, visit My Inventory for more details.
Send a Trade Offer for fastest response. I consider all offers.
Add me for discuss if there is a serious offer that needs to be discussed.
2024.05.16 08:13 D1atPointBlank I need help.
I’ve never been on this subreddit before, but I kind of feel like I just need some advice from random strangers on the internet rn (if you know what I mean). I just received this text from one of my classmates:
“My name I got a question. I have been up past 1:30am at least for almost every night since 7th grade bc of school work and other outside of school stuff. How tf do you stay on top of your work?? Im out here putting in like 90% effort I can give and getting 70’s and stuff while spending a shit ton of time. When I go all in on effort and efficiency I get one good day and am tired for the rest of the week. I genuinely need advice 💀”
For context, I’m a highschooler who was pretty much labeled as a GT (gifted and talented) kid from the moment I was born, and I’ve always kind of been able to bullshit my way into finishing courses with grades that can typically range anywhere between 98-100 (before this year, my lowest final grade in a course ever was a 96). The thing is tho, I’ve got no possible idea how I even do it. I will start and finish an assignment less than 24 hours (most of the time less than that) before it’s due in addition to getting like 4 hours of sleep every night, working out at least twice a day, playing 8-game basketball tournaments on weekends, trying to juggle social dynamics so my new, few friends won’t find out I’m a fucking weirdo and leave me like my old ones, and trying to figure out what kind of person I am, what I care about, and who I want to be. It’s all exhausting, and, honestly, I think this text from my classmate has kind of made me tip over the edge. I always try to put on a face in front of classmates and such so that they’ll think I’m a put-together, high-achieving, never-stressed kind of person, when, in reality, I sometimes feel like I’d rather lay down for the rest of my life, forget that anything exists, and wait until I die. I guess this text from my classmate is text evidence that I’ve done a good job of masking how I really feel, but that makes me even more scared. I’ve always kind of felt alone, so I’ve had to rely on myself and my imaginary characters/stories for comfort/company, but now that I’ve been masking how I really feel/who I am for so long, I sometimes feel like I don’t even know who I am; I feel like I just exist to act out roles in everyone else’s stories. I don’t really know what I’m trying to get at or what I’m asking for help with, but anything feels like it would help right now since I can’t talk to “friends” or my parents about this (my parents are the kind that would tell me to suck it up and keep going because “my entire future is at stake”). Again, I apologize if my thoughts in this post aren’t very clear (I chalk it up to staring at the same text message for an hour), and I’ll clarify anything confusing later. I guess it would also be helpful for some advice on how to respond to my classmate (I don’t want to tell him the truth since I think that would be pretty discouraging). Thanks in advance for any advice.
submitted by D1atPointBlank to Advice [link] [comments]
“My name I got a question. I have been up past 1:30am at least for almost every night since 7th grade bc of school work and other outside of school stuff. How tf do you stay on top of your work?? Im out here putting in like 90% effort I can give and getting 70’s and stuff while spending a shit ton of time. When I go all in on effort and efficiency I get one good day and am tired for the rest of the week. I genuinely need advice 💀”
For context, I’m a highschooler who was pretty much labeled as a GT (gifted and talented) kid from the moment I was born, and I’ve always kind of been able to bullshit my way into finishing courses with grades that can typically range anywhere between 98-100 (before this year, my lowest final grade in a course ever was a 96). The thing is tho, I’ve got no possible idea how I even do it. I will start and finish an assignment less than 24 hours (most of the time less than that) before it’s due in addition to getting like 4 hours of sleep every night, working out at least twice a day, playing 8-game basketball tournaments on weekends, trying to juggle social dynamics so my new, few friends won’t find out I’m a fucking weirdo and leave me like my old ones, and trying to figure out what kind of person I am, what I care about, and who I want to be. It’s all exhausting, and, honestly, I think this text from my classmate has kind of made me tip over the edge. I always try to put on a face in front of classmates and such so that they’ll think I’m a put-together, high-achieving, never-stressed kind of person, when, in reality, I sometimes feel like I’d rather lay down for the rest of my life, forget that anything exists, and wait until I die. I guess this text from my classmate is text evidence that I’ve done a good job of masking how I really feel, but that makes me even more scared. I’ve always kind of felt alone, so I’ve had to rely on myself and my imaginary characters/stories for comfort/company, but now that I’ve been masking how I really feel/who I am for so long, I sometimes feel like I don’t even know who I am; I feel like I just exist to act out roles in everyone else’s stories. I don’t really know what I’m trying to get at or what I’m asking for help with, but anything feels like it would help right now since I can’t talk to “friends” or my parents about this (my parents are the kind that would tell me to suck it up and keep going because “my entire future is at stake”). Again, I apologize if my thoughts in this post aren’t very clear (I chalk it up to staring at the same text message for an hour), and I’ll clarify anything confusing later. I guess it would also be helpful for some advice on how to respond to my classmate (I don’t want to tell him the truth since I think that would be pretty discouraging). Thanks in advance for any advice.
2024.05.16 07:10 BanosTheMadTitan Stoics and narcissists.
Throughout my life, I’ve only rarely become very close to other people, but the few people I do gravitate towards are usually narcissists. Because of this, I have a ridiculous amount of experience with narcissism. Through all of my interactions, what I’ve come to recognize is that narcissists are in extreme suffering. They almost completely lack a sense of self and feel no purpose drawing them onward. To make up for this, they instinctively fabricate a deeply-woven facade, wielding an arsenal of masks to attract attention and love from others to fill their empty self.
It’s an unimaginably deep rut they’re sunk into, with layers and layers of empty behaviors stacked on each other and intertwined. There’s no universe in which you can simply tell a narcissist what they are and see them change immediately; the thought of letting go of all of that and starting down a new path is unfathomable from down in their pit, and any effort to challenge them with this idea will hurt, making it seem to be a threat. However, I was raised by two narcissists, and believe that I was deeply narcissistic myself. One event ~8 years ago sowed the seeds of self in me, and since then I have made countless extraordinary leaps and bounds in fixing the problem. I’ve learned:
I finally have reached a point where I am reasonably centered, responsible, genuine, attentive, consistent, and stable. Recently, I’ve been wondering about the application of Stoicism in dealing with and helping narcissists. Considering the issue that plagues a narcissist- an untamed void of the self- I’ve come to think that possibly, a Stoic applying themselves can be of great use in their healing.
Imagine you’re sitting across from a narcissist. They extend their tendrils out towards you, seeking to set the hook and begin reeling you into their game. Your self-control acts as an invisible barrier between the two of you, putting an end to their traps before they’re ever even set. Meanwhile, you see them as they truly are. Your eyes cut straight through to their core. Your attention keeps them there, as they crave recognition first and foremost, and you see them as clearly as anybody ever could. Yet their every attempt to sink claws into your soul is warded off. They are exposed, but not being threatened by anything.
It seems to me that this may be the only way- or at least the best way- to present reflection to a narcissist without causing them to close up further. If true, would it then be virtuous for a stoic to allow narcissists into his life with the intention of helping them, granting that he’s strong enough to remain unaffected by them? The idea of pushing them away and allowing them to suffer eternally seems antithetical to the premise of performing one’s duty in life. If one can help another, then they should, no? I am curious to hear the opinions of others, whether more or less experienced in Stoicism, without my own bias on the issue.
submitted by BanosTheMadTitan to Stoicism [link] [comments]
It’s an unimaginably deep rut they’re sunk into, with layers and layers of empty behaviors stacked on each other and intertwined. There’s no universe in which you can simply tell a narcissist what they are and see them change immediately; the thought of letting go of all of that and starting down a new path is unfathomable from down in their pit, and any effort to challenge them with this idea will hurt, making it seem to be a threat. However, I was raised by two narcissists, and believe that I was deeply narcissistic myself. One event ~8 years ago sowed the seeds of self in me, and since then I have made countless extraordinary leaps and bounds in fixing the problem. I’ve learned:
What it means to love somebody, and not just to desire their attention.Within the last four years or so, I’ve explored many different philosophies from many different cultures. I’ve listened to the stories of various masters of the self, from Marcus Aurelius to Musashi; from Socrates to Jesus Christ. I’ve found value in the ways of Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, and finally, Stoicism. I believe Stoicism cuts to the core of the issue and provides routes for achieving the greatest purpose as is possible for oneself.
The concept and weight of the fact that every person I interact with is experiencing an entire existence equal to mine, simultaneously and right across from me (I believe this was the birth of true empathy in myself).
The way the world is woven, and my inborn roles and responsibilities to it and others.
The value of possessing a purpose, and following it.
I finally have reached a point where I am reasonably centered, responsible, genuine, attentive, consistent, and stable. Recently, I’ve been wondering about the application of Stoicism in dealing with and helping narcissists. Considering the issue that plagues a narcissist- an untamed void of the self- I’ve come to think that possibly, a Stoic applying themselves can be of great use in their healing.
Imagine you’re sitting across from a narcissist. They extend their tendrils out towards you, seeking to set the hook and begin reeling you into their game. Your self-control acts as an invisible barrier between the two of you, putting an end to their traps before they’re ever even set. Meanwhile, you see them as they truly are. Your eyes cut straight through to their core. Your attention keeps them there, as they crave recognition first and foremost, and you see them as clearly as anybody ever could. Yet their every attempt to sink claws into your soul is warded off. They are exposed, but not being threatened by anything.
It seems to me that this may be the only way- or at least the best way- to present reflection to a narcissist without causing them to close up further. If true, would it then be virtuous for a stoic to allow narcissists into his life with the intention of helping them, granting that he’s strong enough to remain unaffected by them? The idea of pushing them away and allowing them to suffer eternally seems antithetical to the premise of performing one’s duty in life. If one can help another, then they should, no? I am curious to hear the opinions of others, whether more or less experienced in Stoicism, without my own bias on the issue.
2024.05.16 06:59 MadeMenByTheMemes Right bicep half sleeve ideas
 | I’m getting my right bicep down to elbow done next week (going over others) I have a few ideas but I’m not sure what to go with so I’d love some help! submitted by MadeMenByTheMemes to TattooDesigns [link] [comments] At first I wanted a koi but I realised maybe the water wouldn’t look so good connected to clouds on my chest? So a few other ideas I also have are
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2024.05.16 06:57 ChibiMaster42 My (29m) partner (29f) of 5 years left me for a long distance job
I... dont really know where to begin, so I'll start with background. I've had flings in the past, but this is my first long time relationship. To be 5 years this August. We live in california.
Tldr: I recieved a phone call after having just seen her the previous day asking to talk, essentially during this reasons boiled down to
"Everything, the long distance, and (i, 29m) dont have initiative" "(i've, 29m) been talking about becoming an electrician, but havent done anything about it"
Back story.
I (29m) have supported my partner (29f) in their passion for Renaissance Faire for the entire time we had been together. She treats this as her livlihood. Has been clear about this, but I had no qualms. Her income is padded from her father at 1000$ a month, a vestige of an agreement to earn a degree (which she still has not, and has not been in school since before we began dating)
I have voiced wishing to become an electrician, i love working with my hands, and circuitry is enthralling. I have known people in the field, who have helped me get interviews and attempt entry level positions but each time have been told, the slot was filled before onboarding trully happened for me. Student loans kinda terrify me cause of debt, the trade schools i've found in cali be expensive. Most of my savings before hand went to assisting my grandma with issues that were taken care of.
We both talked about how neither of us was fully in the career we wanted, and how we wanted to see the other grow into it.
When we got together, @24 years old, i was an assistant manager in a deli, after multiple instances of being passed for applied promotions and training those who recieved those promotions.... I had enough. This was only the first year of our relationship
I got a job at a Hyatt Hotels, becoming a front end (lobby) manager. Hyatt at the time had excellent student programs and loan rates, which fizzled when the location franchised, and we lost a majority of benefits. Found a new job
I've been at a shipping company that works out of a single location for a tech company, Juniper networks. Have DOT driving certs, and multiple forklift certs. Mon-fri 9-5, making good money (close to 30/hr) feel ALOT more comfortable with loans now. Have more time that i can set aside for things. This was the last barely two years, my annual was literally a week ago.
The primary reason i havent begun said process of loans is the amount i have been trying to support her in her passion and stay connected. But even with that I was beginning to figure out times for school.
She had begun with 1 faire, then two, then some smaller ones. Trying out different Faires at different times. Just this year attempting all of them.
She has progressively added more and more faires, to the point where she we will not be at home .... 9 months? Of this year. 3 months roughly each faire, back to back at times. One faire is out of state, all the rest are driveable easy.
I say roughly as all the faires dates are up for debate, between the build, run, and teardown, there is variance of up to several weeks. Making planning outside of Faire difficult. I find out these dates through her, but with very little time in between to plan anything
I visit during the close faires, Casa de fruta Northern Ren faire, every weekend. During the farther Faires, like LA southern faire, every other weekend. Of my own volition and wish to see her.
Long distance it may be, but the longest actual time we've been apart for these is only a couple weeks at a time. Literally 2.
I text and call, not quite everyday, but no longer than a few (3ish), most of the time with no response. Again no qualms, just different things happening at different times, blind love yaknow?
I purchased essentially her entire camp, carport, cots, portable matress (trifold queen), tents, tables, stove, etc.
I drove her throughout our relationship, not just to and from Faire, literally everything. She has refused to get a drivers license out of fear. I have mobilized her supplies and camp.
We talked frequently, enjoyed shows, board games, we started heading to amusement parks, (she loves rollercoasters), we would go dancing while she was home, build lego display sets, like i could keep on going.
The last couple times shes come home from Faire, things have felt off. Like i have to reconnect with her at home. When i visit has seemed like either shes masking for me, or at faire.
She started getting too tired to do anything in between the Faires, and would refuse my assistance to get ready. Which was basically laundry and maintenance for camp things.
Sometimes these last couple months i would respond with the energy i recieved. Im human. I dont really know what else to say for that. We would talk about it Then things would go back to how they were.... for a time
Ill admit i have resting grumpy face, and on occaision am grumpy. But I never took it out on her. We had arguments, but never anything that lasted or made us truly angry. Sometimes i would say i need some alone time, just to cool off. But that never lasted for more than an hour or two.
When we began dating, she asked me bring my tone down a bit. Kinda made me realize unintended inflections.
Again these last couple months, she hasnt been rude, nor abusive... just sharp... to the point i feel like i have to apologize for ideas or actions. I brought this up, and things got better.... for a bit
I have dropped the ball on occaision with cleaning around the house, and she brought it up when they happened, but it honestly went both ways.
She ruled over laundry, i ruled over dishes, we'd help each other wipe down surfaces and vacuum. We have cats, and took turns cleaning litter.
We'd helped each other cook, but unless I laid very clear intentions i wanted to cook for her, she'd take over. She preferred cooking, saying "ocd"
Her love languages is much more touch oriented than mime are.
I have never claimed to be fast at anything. In fact literally have compared myself to the Tortoise, from tortoise and the hare. And feel very judged on it all of a sudden.
Looking back... maybe I could have initiated more... but as i began to do so more and more this last year together, i was met with more and more, "tired" or "faire".
I just... feel like a wrung out rag..... and ... i dont know... Used?
She mentioned it not being fair to either of us... just making me wonder if this might actually be better off...
Doesnt feel like it now
submitted by ChibiMaster42 to BreakUps [link] [comments]
Tldr: I recieved a phone call after having just seen her the previous day asking to talk, essentially during this reasons boiled down to
"Everything, the long distance, and (i, 29m) dont have initiative" "(i've, 29m) been talking about becoming an electrician, but havent done anything about it"
Back story.
I (29m) have supported my partner (29f) in their passion for Renaissance Faire for the entire time we had been together. She treats this as her livlihood. Has been clear about this, but I had no qualms. Her income is padded from her father at 1000$ a month, a vestige of an agreement to earn a degree (which she still has not, and has not been in school since before we began dating)
I have voiced wishing to become an electrician, i love working with my hands, and circuitry is enthralling. I have known people in the field, who have helped me get interviews and attempt entry level positions but each time have been told, the slot was filled before onboarding trully happened for me. Student loans kinda terrify me cause of debt, the trade schools i've found in cali be expensive. Most of my savings before hand went to assisting my grandma with issues that were taken care of.
We both talked about how neither of us was fully in the career we wanted, and how we wanted to see the other grow into it.
When we got together, @24 years old, i was an assistant manager in a deli, after multiple instances of being passed for applied promotions and training those who recieved those promotions.... I had enough. This was only the first year of our relationship
I got a job at a Hyatt Hotels, becoming a front end (lobby) manager. Hyatt at the time had excellent student programs and loan rates, which fizzled when the location franchised, and we lost a majority of benefits. Found a new job
I've been at a shipping company that works out of a single location for a tech company, Juniper networks. Have DOT driving certs, and multiple forklift certs. Mon-fri 9-5, making good money (close to 30/hr) feel ALOT more comfortable with loans now. Have more time that i can set aside for things. This was the last barely two years, my annual was literally a week ago.
The primary reason i havent begun said process of loans is the amount i have been trying to support her in her passion and stay connected. But even with that I was beginning to figure out times for school.
She had begun with 1 faire, then two, then some smaller ones. Trying out different Faires at different times. Just this year attempting all of them.
She has progressively added more and more faires, to the point where she we will not be at home .... 9 months? Of this year. 3 months roughly each faire, back to back at times. One faire is out of state, all the rest are driveable easy.
I say roughly as all the faires dates are up for debate, between the build, run, and teardown, there is variance of up to several weeks. Making planning outside of Faire difficult. I find out these dates through her, but with very little time in between to plan anything
I visit during the close faires, Casa de fruta Northern Ren faire, every weekend. During the farther Faires, like LA southern faire, every other weekend. Of my own volition and wish to see her.
Long distance it may be, but the longest actual time we've been apart for these is only a couple weeks at a time. Literally 2.
I text and call, not quite everyday, but no longer than a few (3ish), most of the time with no response. Again no qualms, just different things happening at different times, blind love yaknow?
I purchased essentially her entire camp, carport, cots, portable matress (trifold queen), tents, tables, stove, etc.
I drove her throughout our relationship, not just to and from Faire, literally everything. She has refused to get a drivers license out of fear. I have mobilized her supplies and camp.
We talked frequently, enjoyed shows, board games, we started heading to amusement parks, (she loves rollercoasters), we would go dancing while she was home, build lego display sets, like i could keep on going.
The last couple times shes come home from Faire, things have felt off. Like i have to reconnect with her at home. When i visit has seemed like either shes masking for me, or at faire.
She started getting too tired to do anything in between the Faires, and would refuse my assistance to get ready. Which was basically laundry and maintenance for camp things.
Sometimes these last couple months i would respond with the energy i recieved. Im human. I dont really know what else to say for that. We would talk about it Then things would go back to how they were.... for a time
Ill admit i have resting grumpy face, and on occaision am grumpy. But I never took it out on her. We had arguments, but never anything that lasted or made us truly angry. Sometimes i would say i need some alone time, just to cool off. But that never lasted for more than an hour or two.
When we began dating, she asked me bring my tone down a bit. Kinda made me realize unintended inflections.
Again these last couple months, she hasnt been rude, nor abusive... just sharp... to the point i feel like i have to apologize for ideas or actions. I brought this up, and things got better.... for a bit
I have dropped the ball on occaision with cleaning around the house, and she brought it up when they happened, but it honestly went both ways.
She ruled over laundry, i ruled over dishes, we'd help each other wipe down surfaces and vacuum. We have cats, and took turns cleaning litter.
We'd helped each other cook, but unless I laid very clear intentions i wanted to cook for her, she'd take over. She preferred cooking, saying "ocd"
Her love languages is much more touch oriented than mime are.
I have never claimed to be fast at anything. In fact literally have compared myself to the Tortoise, from tortoise and the hare. And feel very judged on it all of a sudden.
Looking back... maybe I could have initiated more... but as i began to do so more and more this last year together, i was met with more and more, "tired" or "faire".
I just... feel like a wrung out rag..... and ... i dont know... Used?
She mentioned it not being fair to either of us... just making me wonder if this might actually be better off...
Doesnt feel like it now
2024.05.16 06:56 Krayzfrog There’s something off with the people on campus
I think there’s something off about my campus
Hey everyone, I’m typing this on my phone so I apologize if there is weird formatting. Anyways, to get to the point, there’s something really off with some people on my campus. I have come seeking answers.I noticed it first walking home from my 7pm class last Wednesday.
To set the scene, most of the campus is tucked back into the woods a little, and my 7pm class is in the farthest building from the parking lot (further into the woods). I get out from that 7pm class around 9pm, so on cloudy nights like last Wednesday, the only lights on that long sidewalk are the lights radiating from the other buildings. Usually, there’s roughly 30 feet where it’s pitch black because the foliage is pretty dense. I usually walk back to my apartment with some classmates that live in the same complex as me, but I told them to go ahead of me while I finished the rest of the project.
After packing my laptop away, I started heading back home. It was roughly 9:30 at this point, and my brain was slowly shutting down preparing for the deep sleep that has yet to come.Walking down the sidewalk, I heard somebody not too far into the woods laughing like they’ve just heard the funniest joke ever. I immediately thought, “probably some Freshman walking the trails with their friends smoking weed”. Chuckling to myself, I put in my AirPods and picked a playlist for my journey back home.
When I looked up from my phone, there was the silhouette of somebody walking towards me. I have no idea how I missed them before, but honestly, it’s very possible they were just in a spot where the light wasn’t quite reaching them. A little unnerved, I shifted over to the left side of the sidewalk.
(Now I’m usually fine walking alone at night; I’m a 6’2 man who’s dabbled in the world of MMA. But something about this person gave me a primal feeling of unrest.)
When they shifted over to the left mirroring me, I felt my blood run cold. But alas, I had to keep walking because this was my only way back home. As I neared closer to the figure, I almost laughed at myself when I realized it was just some harmless girl walking towards the Murphy building. If anything, I’m the intimidating one to her.
This is where it really gets weird. She stopped as I was passing her and turned to me. Thinking she needed to ask me something, I took an AirPod out and asked “what’s up?”. After staring at me for an uncomfortable amount of time, she opened her mouth, and I kid you not, mimicked the laugh I heard moments before perfectly. Before I could chalk it up to it just being her in the trails earlier, I noticed something. Her mouth wasn’t moving at all. If I had left my AirPods in, it would just look like she was just opening her mouth and staring at me. She then shifted into a deep raspy laugh. She did all of this without moving her mouth at all; I couldn’t even see her throat moving as you would expect if someone was laughing. It was almost like she was some fucked up human-shaped gramophone. The feeling of absolute horror that came over me is something I’ve only experienced in my imagination. Before I could think to do anything next, My body began to run off some sort of primal instinct. With my legs burning, it took me about 10 minutes to get all the way back to my apartment and lock myself in relative safety.
I’m coming on here now to ask if anybody knows what I experienced? I have been hearing that same laughter outside my window every night since that night, I am too terrified to sleep well and have refused to go to any of my classes. Please I just want answers, I don’t want to keep living in fear.
Part 2:
Hey everyone, I’ve gotten some DMs telling me what it may be. I’ve heard everything from banshee to skinwalker. After further research I pray to god it was neither of them. I’m praying it was just some girl with a speaker playing some sort of cruel joke. I mean yes there are people who don’t like me on campus, I’ve made some enemies over the past 4 years. But, I just don’t understand what could’ve brought it to this point. I had to stop hiding in fear and go to my classes before my grades plummet, I’m almost done with my degree and only have a few more weeks. If I let some sort of stupid prank ruin my career, It would be everything I swore against to my parents.
A lot of you guys in the DMs were also asking what college I go to and what my name is. First I want to say sorry for not providing that information in the first post, I’m sure you can understand where my head was at typing that. So let me introduce myself, my name is Nick and In order to keep my privacy, I will only provide that I go to a midwest university.
I’m sure you may be wondering, “so did it just stop?”. I would love to say yes, but really things have just gotten weirder. Though, I am pleased to say that there is no longer laughing out my window every night.
Ever since that night, I’ve been noticing more things off with the people on campus. Now you may just think it’s paranoia, but just be patient and listen.
Yesterday, I decided to muster up all of my courage and go to class. Luckily my first class is at 10AM, when the sun is well in the sky, so walking across campus seemed much less threatening. When I sat down in my first class, I noticed something off with the girl that sits in front of me. Usually she’s chatty and excited to be in class, but today she just stared blankly ahead. I tried to say good morning and ask about her weekend, as we do every Monday, but she continued to have that blank stare. She did turn her head towards be, but her eyes read “lights on, but nobody is home”.
Thinking to myself, she may just be hungover, or going through the bout of college student depression. I decided to shrug it off and turn to the front of the class and get my notes ready. But the moment I turned around, I could feel it. Her eyes burrowing deep into the back of my head. When I flipped around to see if I was just being irrational, I quickly learned I wasn’t. Her eyes went from the blank glare, to the most enthusiastic face I’ve seen on her. It was horrible, it almost seemed like she was trying so hard to pretend she was thrilled to be in class and to speak to me. It was inhuman.
I’ve been on the internet long enough to catch on to the term “Uncanny valley”, and what I witnessed In my first hour gives me that same gut feeling I got when I saw that girl last Wednesday.
I was right to be uncomfortable though, I texted her after class to make sure she was doing alright. But her response only reignited the flames of deep fear burning in my soul.
I’ll copy and paste the messages here:
Me: Hey Is everything good? You seemed off in class today.
Steph SCI 101: Uh yeah, I’m fine. but I was not in class today, I’m severely hungover from Tanner’s party last night.
Me: Haha, good one.
Steph SCI 101: No I’m so Fr, are you okay?
Steph SCI 101: Are you trying to fuck with me or something?
Me: Nevermind, I’m sorry to bother you.
(End Of Texts)
Okay so I’m sure that this gives you all the same feeling of dread that it gave me but I’m sure scaled down a bit. This is where I have started to doubt that it’s a prank, because me and Stephanie are cool. There’s no level of hate for either of us, and even if it was some joke, we don’t know each other on that type of level.
Not only did this seem to happen in my first class, but in between classes while I was walking across campus as well. I walk past hundreds of faces in my many treks across campus, and I swear to you, at least 1/4th of the people I walked past had that same dead stare look. And the way they walked, god I hate even thinking of it. It was like they were an alien trying out their new body suits for the first time. The steps and the bends of their legs just seem so meticulous, dramaticized, and puppeteered.
I’m going to try to investigate further, because at this point my fear for my life is more of a reason to try and figure out what it is so I can try to stop it.
I’m no hero, and I’m sure as hell nothing special, but If I can know what to expect for another encounter, maybe I can avoid meeting the demise I have imagined.
Part 3
I had a strange dream last night, stranger than usual at least. I awoke in the woods, laying face down in the grass with someone looming over me. I heard their footsteps flee rapidly before I flipped over. I found myself just off the trail where the “incident” happened, on the trail laid a girl, bloodied and motionless. When I got up to approach her, she was quickly dragged into the parallel section of the woods. Seeing this I turned and ran into the section of woods I was in. When my legs gave out I found myself near an old supply shed, worn and long abandoned. Searching for cover, I tried the door, which luckily gave after a quick pull. There I found a trapdoor which emanated a blue hue through the cracks. The only thought on my mind, survival brought me to throw it open and climb down. I clattered down the ladder and right before my feet touched the ground, I was pulled backwards by my shirt. That’s where I woke up.
I have always trusted my gut and having a dream that vivid gave me a sense of courage I did not previously have. I know where to start my search now. I have decided my best course of action will be to record my findings on a tape recorder app. After I finish each entry it will be uploaded to a cloud that will ensure if anything happens to me, the story will get out. I am packing my backpack now with a flashlight, glow sticks to mark my trail, and a machete I was gifted by a local in Mexico. All of my recordings will be uploaded below and auto posted after 10 days. Wish me luck everyone, I’m going to need it.
Entry 1: I have started at the only place that makes sense, the trail. It is currently 1:45 PM and I have plenty of sun left in the sky. I just needed to find exactly where to start my journey into the woods. Strangely it was very easy to find. I recall one of the trees having a funky twist near the middle of the trunk. Probably just some two lovebirds trying to carve their name into the tree and realizing there were softer trees to carve into. Anyways hiking further into the woods I believe I can see the shape of the shed through the branches. I wish you guys could see how dense these trees are so you can understand my struggle.
Entry 2: I made it to the shed, but unfortunately the floor in here is concrete. This really sucks for me because I have absolutely no idea where to go from here. It’s identical on the outside but I just don’t understand. Maybe I’m just delusional, which in that case what a waste of time and energy. I’m going to head back home and just start packing for summer. Maybe it’ll be best if I just forget about all of this and leave it behind me. I am graduating after all. Wait hold on what is this?? there’s a button behind one of these shelves. I am going to press it, but idk how it would work because this floor is seamless. I’m just going to leave this recording so if anything does happen I don’t have to worry about holding the phone the whole time. Holy shit, the entire floor is lowering. It’s a fucking elevator.
Entry 3: Okay so I’ve been going down this elevator for like 30 seconds, how far down am I going?.. Oh wait hold on, Im stopped… There’s a metal door with a padlock. Ig since I have the machete there’s only one thing to do, break it. Im going to use the blunt side so I don’t ruin this thing, I like it too much. the lock clatters to the ground after 3 solid hits. Well ig there’s only one way to go now, there’s no button to get back up so I pray there’s another way up. The metal door creaks loudly. Fuck I regret this, It’s dark and I can tell it’s a big area because it’s so echoey in here. I’m currently praising my past self for thinking about the flashlight and glow sticks. I need to find out what in the hell this place is and most importantly, if there’s a damn light switch.
Entry 4: God this place is terrifying I’ve been walking around the sterile white halls of this place for like 10 minutes and have found nothing, no doors, no light switch. I feel like a rat in a maze. Also scratch what I said about being glad I packed glow sticks, because my stupid ass only brought like 20 of these things and I’m already down to 5. Also I feel like I’m not alone, every now and then I’ll turn a corner and the glow from the previous glow stick quickly vanishes. I feel like it might just be because the darkness seems to envelop everything like a blanket. But I have that feeling that I’m being followed. You know the one, where you know somethings wrong you just can’t pin point what it is. Oh shit no way, there’s light, I think there’s a door or something up ahead.
Entry 5: Holy shit… It’s a lab, and worse, there’s people strapped too tables, completely naked and unconscious. I know they are alive because each of them are hooked up with a million different cords, and one of those are plugged into a heart monitor. This place is huge, there has to be at least 50 people on these tables.
“Hey you, you’re not supposed to be in here” yelled a man adorned in a lab coat.
“What are you doing to these kids you sick fucks.” I yelled back at the man across the lab.
In a haste the scientist rushes towards a red button, setting off a loud alarm, turning the lights to a flashing red. With no exit behind me, I could only do one thing... Rush towards him. My training kicked in as I launched into a flurry of calculated strikes. My first hit connected, a right overhand clean under his eye. The doctor stumbled back, but I didn't give him a chance to recover. I pressed the attack, keeping him off balance with a relentless barrage of punches and kicks. He fought back ferociously, but I was one step ahead, anticipating his moves and countering with swift, efficient strikes. We wrestled, the room around us becoming a blur of pain and adrenaline. I used the environment to my advantage, improvising weapons from the scattered medical equipment and turning the empty tables on my opponent. Pinning him to the ground, I laid down a harsh barrage of final blows. His face was a bloody pulp, unrecognizable. But I didn’t walk away unscathed, somewhere in the tussle, the scientist buried a scalpel deep into my stomach. With my adrenaline wearing off, the pain overtook me, sending me into darkness as I fainted from the blood loss and adrenaline dump. I awoke with my arms and legs strapped to the cold metal operating table. Before I could try to struggle, a face overtook my field of vision.
“Quite a fight you put up, you turned poor Dr.Samson into a soup” the looming face said with a chuckle. “You are the first person to put the pieces together and for that I am thoroughly impressed Mr. Hayes”
“Who are you?!” I said fighting at my binds. “Let me go!”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that Mr.Hayes. You have seen far too much, and I definitely can’t have you running around telling the world what you saw here. Although nobody would believe you.” “And to answer your other question, I’m surprised you don’t recognize me… really take a moment and look at me” He said pulling down his face mask.
“Dr.Blackwood?” I said as I looked back on my freshman year biology class.
“Ding ding ding ding. We have a winner!” He said in a maniac joy.
“What are you going to do to me?” I asked.
“Well Mr.Hayes, first I’m going to sew you up from your little tussle you had with my late assistant and then I will put you under and cut into that skull of yours and take out a small piece of what we call in the science world your hippocampus. Then I will draw from that all of the necessary memories to create the perfect clone of you.” He responded.
“Why? Why would you need a clone of any of us. Why can’t you just clone someone willing to be apart of this?” I asked
“Because that’s no fun Mr.Hayes, the hunt excites me. Actually you’re lucky I didn’t get you the first night. Unfortunately my creation had a little bit of a malfunction and formed a wee bit of an attachment to you. I’m sure you remember the ruckus outside your window? Anyways I digress, I do this because everyone of you lowly students will go onto do mediocre jobs where you waste away at a desk. I must also add that with having a clone of you under my control, I can do anything and get away with clean hands. My plan with you originally was to have you go into the admissions office and steal every last cent all for me. On top of that I like the power, because one day I will have a clone of every student on this campus and eventually I will cause a revolt against our comedy of a government. Who will stop me, when I won’t even be on the front lines?” Dr.Blackwood explained.
“I will” I said freeing my last hand from the binds.
What he didn’t realize is that with all of this monologue and the questions I had been feeding him, I was slowly loosening my binds with each wiggle and movement in retaliation.
Lurching forward I grab onto his collar, pulling him into a vicious headbutt. The impact sent Dr. Blackwood reeling backward, his grip on consciousness loosening as he staggered. Seizing the moment, I lunged off the table, adrenaline coursing through my veins despite the searing pain in my abdomen. With a swift motion, I grabbed a nearby surgical instrument, holding it in a defensive stance as I faced my adversary. Dr. Blackwood, recovering from the blow, snarled with rage, his once calm demeanor now replaced by a feral intensity. The room seemed to shrink around us, the tension thickening with each passing second. This was my chance to stop Blackwood's twisted plans. As he lunged forward, I met his attack head-on, the clang of metal reverberating through the room. Blow after blow, we fought with an intensity born of desperation and determination. Despite my injuries, I refused to yield, driven by a fire burnt under me to protect myself and others from Blackwood's actions . In a final, swift move, I delivered a powerful front kick, sending Blackwood crashing to the ground. The room fell silent, the echoes of our struggle fading into the darkness. Coughing he sat in the corner laughing with blood spilling down his face. “You know that it’s too late to save any of these one lying on the tables. I would’ve released you, you know that right? I would’ve simply taken your memory from today out of your brain and leaving you in your bed to wake up thinking you had a fun night” he said with final resolve as he watched me grab the scalpel from the ground taking slow steps near him.
Looking down over him, It was my turn to laugh. Kneeling down to eye level with him I grabbed him by his hair and delivered a final message to him “Fuck you and your little science experiment” as I sliced deep into his throat watching the life fade from his eyes.
I eventually found an exit door, which lead me to a storm drain deep in the woods far from my campus. It took me 2 hours to limp my way onto a main road and flag down a passing car. Pulling over I was rushed to the hospital and later interrogated by some men in suits, my guess is CIA. Here I am now, writing my final entrance. I think I heard them say something about trying a new medical process on me to help me heal quicker
submitted by Krayzfrog to CreepsMcPasta [link] [comments]
Hey everyone, I’m typing this on my phone so I apologize if there is weird formatting. Anyways, to get to the point, there’s something really off with some people on my campus. I have come seeking answers.I noticed it first walking home from my 7pm class last Wednesday.
To set the scene, most of the campus is tucked back into the woods a little, and my 7pm class is in the farthest building from the parking lot (further into the woods). I get out from that 7pm class around 9pm, so on cloudy nights like last Wednesday, the only lights on that long sidewalk are the lights radiating from the other buildings. Usually, there’s roughly 30 feet where it’s pitch black because the foliage is pretty dense. I usually walk back to my apartment with some classmates that live in the same complex as me, but I told them to go ahead of me while I finished the rest of the project.
After packing my laptop away, I started heading back home. It was roughly 9:30 at this point, and my brain was slowly shutting down preparing for the deep sleep that has yet to come.Walking down the sidewalk, I heard somebody not too far into the woods laughing like they’ve just heard the funniest joke ever. I immediately thought, “probably some Freshman walking the trails with their friends smoking weed”. Chuckling to myself, I put in my AirPods and picked a playlist for my journey back home.
When I looked up from my phone, there was the silhouette of somebody walking towards me. I have no idea how I missed them before, but honestly, it’s very possible they were just in a spot where the light wasn’t quite reaching them. A little unnerved, I shifted over to the left side of the sidewalk.
(Now I’m usually fine walking alone at night; I’m a 6’2 man who’s dabbled in the world of MMA. But something about this person gave me a primal feeling of unrest.)
When they shifted over to the left mirroring me, I felt my blood run cold. But alas, I had to keep walking because this was my only way back home. As I neared closer to the figure, I almost laughed at myself when I realized it was just some harmless girl walking towards the Murphy building. If anything, I’m the intimidating one to her.
This is where it really gets weird. She stopped as I was passing her and turned to me. Thinking she needed to ask me something, I took an AirPod out and asked “what’s up?”. After staring at me for an uncomfortable amount of time, she opened her mouth, and I kid you not, mimicked the laugh I heard moments before perfectly. Before I could chalk it up to it just being her in the trails earlier, I noticed something. Her mouth wasn’t moving at all. If I had left my AirPods in, it would just look like she was just opening her mouth and staring at me. She then shifted into a deep raspy laugh. She did all of this without moving her mouth at all; I couldn’t even see her throat moving as you would expect if someone was laughing. It was almost like she was some fucked up human-shaped gramophone. The feeling of absolute horror that came over me is something I’ve only experienced in my imagination. Before I could think to do anything next, My body began to run off some sort of primal instinct. With my legs burning, it took me about 10 minutes to get all the way back to my apartment and lock myself in relative safety.
I’m coming on here now to ask if anybody knows what I experienced? I have been hearing that same laughter outside my window every night since that night, I am too terrified to sleep well and have refused to go to any of my classes. Please I just want answers, I don’t want to keep living in fear.
Part 2:
Hey everyone, I’ve gotten some DMs telling me what it may be. I’ve heard everything from banshee to skinwalker. After further research I pray to god it was neither of them. I’m praying it was just some girl with a speaker playing some sort of cruel joke. I mean yes there are people who don’t like me on campus, I’ve made some enemies over the past 4 years. But, I just don’t understand what could’ve brought it to this point. I had to stop hiding in fear and go to my classes before my grades plummet, I’m almost done with my degree and only have a few more weeks. If I let some sort of stupid prank ruin my career, It would be everything I swore against to my parents.
A lot of you guys in the DMs were also asking what college I go to and what my name is. First I want to say sorry for not providing that information in the first post, I’m sure you can understand where my head was at typing that. So let me introduce myself, my name is Nick and In order to keep my privacy, I will only provide that I go to a midwest university.
I’m sure you may be wondering, “so did it just stop?”. I would love to say yes, but really things have just gotten weirder. Though, I am pleased to say that there is no longer laughing out my window every night.
Ever since that night, I’ve been noticing more things off with the people on campus. Now you may just think it’s paranoia, but just be patient and listen.
Yesterday, I decided to muster up all of my courage and go to class. Luckily my first class is at 10AM, when the sun is well in the sky, so walking across campus seemed much less threatening. When I sat down in my first class, I noticed something off with the girl that sits in front of me. Usually she’s chatty and excited to be in class, but today she just stared blankly ahead. I tried to say good morning and ask about her weekend, as we do every Monday, but she continued to have that blank stare. She did turn her head towards be, but her eyes read “lights on, but nobody is home”.
Thinking to myself, she may just be hungover, or going through the bout of college student depression. I decided to shrug it off and turn to the front of the class and get my notes ready. But the moment I turned around, I could feel it. Her eyes burrowing deep into the back of my head. When I flipped around to see if I was just being irrational, I quickly learned I wasn’t. Her eyes went from the blank glare, to the most enthusiastic face I’ve seen on her. It was horrible, it almost seemed like she was trying so hard to pretend she was thrilled to be in class and to speak to me. It was inhuman.
I’ve been on the internet long enough to catch on to the term “Uncanny valley”, and what I witnessed In my first hour gives me that same gut feeling I got when I saw that girl last Wednesday.
I was right to be uncomfortable though, I texted her after class to make sure she was doing alright. But her response only reignited the flames of deep fear burning in my soul.
I’ll copy and paste the messages here:
Me: Hey Is everything good? You seemed off in class today.
Steph SCI 101: Uh yeah, I’m fine. but I was not in class today, I’m severely hungover from Tanner’s party last night.
Me: Haha, good one.
Steph SCI 101: No I’m so Fr, are you okay?
Steph SCI 101: Are you trying to fuck with me or something?
Me: Nevermind, I’m sorry to bother you.
(End Of Texts)
Okay so I’m sure that this gives you all the same feeling of dread that it gave me but I’m sure scaled down a bit. This is where I have started to doubt that it’s a prank, because me and Stephanie are cool. There’s no level of hate for either of us, and even if it was some joke, we don’t know each other on that type of level.
Not only did this seem to happen in my first class, but in between classes while I was walking across campus as well. I walk past hundreds of faces in my many treks across campus, and I swear to you, at least 1/4th of the people I walked past had that same dead stare look. And the way they walked, god I hate even thinking of it. It was like they were an alien trying out their new body suits for the first time. The steps and the bends of their legs just seem so meticulous, dramaticized, and puppeteered.
I’m going to try to investigate further, because at this point my fear for my life is more of a reason to try and figure out what it is so I can try to stop it.
I’m no hero, and I’m sure as hell nothing special, but If I can know what to expect for another encounter, maybe I can avoid meeting the demise I have imagined.
Part 3
First off I would like to apologize for my 20-day hiatus. For those who were worried that curiosity killed the cat so to speak, I appreciate your concern. On top of my investigation, I have also had to go through finals and work for a boss who didn't believe in life outside of work. So let's start where we left off. I had a feeling that this task was left for me to solve. it may sound stupid, but let me explain why. That night, after my last post, I had a dream that further solidified my need to solve the mystery. I tried to write all that I remembered down the morning after so here is what I wrote.April 4th, 2024
I had a strange dream last night, stranger than usual at least. I awoke in the woods, laying face down in the grass with someone looming over me. I heard their footsteps flee rapidly before I flipped over. I found myself just off the trail where the “incident” happened, on the trail laid a girl, bloodied and motionless. When I got up to approach her, she was quickly dragged into the parallel section of the woods. Seeing this I turned and ran into the section of woods I was in. When my legs gave out I found myself near an old supply shed, worn and long abandoned. Searching for cover, I tried the door, which luckily gave after a quick pull. There I found a trapdoor which emanated a blue hue through the cracks. The only thought on my mind, survival brought me to throw it open and climb down. I clattered down the ladder and right before my feet touched the ground, I was pulled backwards by my shirt. That’s where I woke up.
I have always trusted my gut and having a dream that vivid gave me a sense of courage I did not previously have. I know where to start my search now. I have decided my best course of action will be to record my findings on a tape recorder app. After I finish each entry it will be uploaded to a cloud that will ensure if anything happens to me, the story will get out. I am packing my backpack now with a flashlight, glow sticks to mark my trail, and a machete I was gifted by a local in Mexico. All of my recordings will be uploaded below and auto posted after 10 days. Wish me luck everyone, I’m going to need it.
Entry 1: I have started at the only place that makes sense, the trail. It is currently 1:45 PM and I have plenty of sun left in the sky. I just needed to find exactly where to start my journey into the woods. Strangely it was very easy to find. I recall one of the trees having a funky twist near the middle of the trunk. Probably just some two lovebirds trying to carve their name into the tree and realizing there were softer trees to carve into. Anyways hiking further into the woods I believe I can see the shape of the shed through the branches. I wish you guys could see how dense these trees are so you can understand my struggle.
Entry 2: I made it to the shed, but unfortunately the floor in here is concrete. This really sucks for me because I have absolutely no idea where to go from here. It’s identical on the outside but I just don’t understand. Maybe I’m just delusional, which in that case what a waste of time and energy. I’m going to head back home and just start packing for summer. Maybe it’ll be best if I just forget about all of this and leave it behind me. I am graduating after all. Wait hold on what is this?? there’s a button behind one of these shelves. I am going to press it, but idk how it would work because this floor is seamless. I’m just going to leave this recording so if anything does happen I don’t have to worry about holding the phone the whole time. Holy shit, the entire floor is lowering. It’s a fucking elevator.
Entry 3: Okay so I’ve been going down this elevator for like 30 seconds, how far down am I going?.. Oh wait hold on, Im stopped… There’s a metal door with a padlock. Ig since I have the machete there’s only one thing to do, break it. Im going to use the blunt side so I don’t ruin this thing, I like it too much. the lock clatters to the ground after 3 solid hits. Well ig there’s only one way to go now, there’s no button to get back up so I pray there’s another way up. The metal door creaks loudly. Fuck I regret this, It’s dark and I can tell it’s a big area because it’s so echoey in here. I’m currently praising my past self for thinking about the flashlight and glow sticks. I need to find out what in the hell this place is and most importantly, if there’s a damn light switch.
Entry 4: God this place is terrifying I’ve been walking around the sterile white halls of this place for like 10 minutes and have found nothing, no doors, no light switch. I feel like a rat in a maze. Also scratch what I said about being glad I packed glow sticks, because my stupid ass only brought like 20 of these things and I’m already down to 5. Also I feel like I’m not alone, every now and then I’ll turn a corner and the glow from the previous glow stick quickly vanishes. I feel like it might just be because the darkness seems to envelop everything like a blanket. But I have that feeling that I’m being followed. You know the one, where you know somethings wrong you just can’t pin point what it is. Oh shit no way, there’s light, I think there’s a door or something up ahead.
Entry 5: Holy shit… It’s a lab, and worse, there’s people strapped too tables, completely naked and unconscious. I know they are alive because each of them are hooked up with a million different cords, and one of those are plugged into a heart monitor. This place is huge, there has to be at least 50 people on these tables.
“Hey you, you’re not supposed to be in here” yelled a man adorned in a lab coat.
“What are you doing to these kids you sick fucks.” I yelled back at the man across the lab.
In a haste the scientist rushes towards a red button, setting off a loud alarm, turning the lights to a flashing red. With no exit behind me, I could only do one thing... Rush towards him. My training kicked in as I launched into a flurry of calculated strikes. My first hit connected, a right overhand clean under his eye. The doctor stumbled back, but I didn't give him a chance to recover. I pressed the attack, keeping him off balance with a relentless barrage of punches and kicks. He fought back ferociously, but I was one step ahead, anticipating his moves and countering with swift, efficient strikes. We wrestled, the room around us becoming a blur of pain and adrenaline. I used the environment to my advantage, improvising weapons from the scattered medical equipment and turning the empty tables on my opponent. Pinning him to the ground, I laid down a harsh barrage of final blows. His face was a bloody pulp, unrecognizable. But I didn’t walk away unscathed, somewhere in the tussle, the scientist buried a scalpel deep into my stomach. With my adrenaline wearing off, the pain overtook me, sending me into darkness as I fainted from the blood loss and adrenaline dump. I awoke with my arms and legs strapped to the cold metal operating table. Before I could try to struggle, a face overtook my field of vision.
“Quite a fight you put up, you turned poor Dr.Samson into a soup” the looming face said with a chuckle. “You are the first person to put the pieces together and for that I am thoroughly impressed Mr. Hayes”
“Who are you?!” I said fighting at my binds. “Let me go!”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that Mr.Hayes. You have seen far too much, and I definitely can’t have you running around telling the world what you saw here. Although nobody would believe you.” “And to answer your other question, I’m surprised you don’t recognize me… really take a moment and look at me” He said pulling down his face mask.
“Dr.Blackwood?” I said as I looked back on my freshman year biology class.
“Ding ding ding ding. We have a winner!” He said in a maniac joy.
“What are you going to do to me?” I asked.
“Well Mr.Hayes, first I’m going to sew you up from your little tussle you had with my late assistant and then I will put you under and cut into that skull of yours and take out a small piece of what we call in the science world your hippocampus. Then I will draw from that all of the necessary memories to create the perfect clone of you.” He responded.
“Why? Why would you need a clone of any of us. Why can’t you just clone someone willing to be apart of this?” I asked
“Because that’s no fun Mr.Hayes, the hunt excites me. Actually you’re lucky I didn’t get you the first night. Unfortunately my creation had a little bit of a malfunction and formed a wee bit of an attachment to you. I’m sure you remember the ruckus outside your window? Anyways I digress, I do this because everyone of you lowly students will go onto do mediocre jobs where you waste away at a desk. I must also add that with having a clone of you under my control, I can do anything and get away with clean hands. My plan with you originally was to have you go into the admissions office and steal every last cent all for me. On top of that I like the power, because one day I will have a clone of every student on this campus and eventually I will cause a revolt against our comedy of a government. Who will stop me, when I won’t even be on the front lines?” Dr.Blackwood explained.
“I will” I said freeing my last hand from the binds.
What he didn’t realize is that with all of this monologue and the questions I had been feeding him, I was slowly loosening my binds with each wiggle and movement in retaliation.
Lurching forward I grab onto his collar, pulling him into a vicious headbutt. The impact sent Dr. Blackwood reeling backward, his grip on consciousness loosening as he staggered. Seizing the moment, I lunged off the table, adrenaline coursing through my veins despite the searing pain in my abdomen. With a swift motion, I grabbed a nearby surgical instrument, holding it in a defensive stance as I faced my adversary. Dr. Blackwood, recovering from the blow, snarled with rage, his once calm demeanor now replaced by a feral intensity. The room seemed to shrink around us, the tension thickening with each passing second. This was my chance to stop Blackwood's twisted plans. As he lunged forward, I met his attack head-on, the clang of metal reverberating through the room. Blow after blow, we fought with an intensity born of desperation and determination. Despite my injuries, I refused to yield, driven by a fire burnt under me to protect myself and others from Blackwood's actions . In a final, swift move, I delivered a powerful front kick, sending Blackwood crashing to the ground. The room fell silent, the echoes of our struggle fading into the darkness. Coughing he sat in the corner laughing with blood spilling down his face. “You know that it’s too late to save any of these one lying on the tables. I would’ve released you, you know that right? I would’ve simply taken your memory from today out of your brain and leaving you in your bed to wake up thinking you had a fun night” he said with final resolve as he watched me grab the scalpel from the ground taking slow steps near him.
Looking down over him, It was my turn to laugh. Kneeling down to eye level with him I grabbed him by his hair and delivered a final message to him “Fuck you and your little science experiment” as I sliced deep into his throat watching the life fade from his eyes.
I eventually found an exit door, which lead me to a storm drain deep in the woods far from my campus. It took me 2 hours to limp my way onto a main road and flag down a passing car. Pulling over I was rushed to the hospital and later interrogated by some men in suits, my guess is CIA. Here I am now, writing my final entrance. I think I heard them say something about trying a new medical process on me to help me heal quicker
2024.05.16 06:55 Krayzfrog There’s something off with the people on campus
I think there’s something off about my campus
Hey everyone, I’m typing this on my phone so I apologize if there is weird formatting. Anyways, to get to the point, there’s something really off with some people on my campus. I have come seeking answers.I noticed it first walking home from my 7pm class last Wednesday.
To set the scene, most of the campus is tucked back into the woods a little, and my 7pm class is in the farthest building from the parking lot (further into the woods). I get out from that 7pm class around 9pm, so on cloudy nights like last Wednesday, the only lights on that long sidewalk are the lights radiating from the other buildings. Usually, there’s roughly 30 feet where it’s pitch black because the foliage is pretty dense. I usually walk back to my apartment with some classmates that live in the same complex as me, but I told them to go ahead of me while I finished the rest of the project.
After packing my laptop away, I started heading back home. It was roughly 9:30 at this point, and my brain was slowly shutting down preparing for the deep sleep that has yet to come.Walking down the sidewalk, I heard somebody not too far into the woods laughing like they’ve just heard the funniest joke ever. I immediately thought, “probably some Freshman walking the trails with their friends smoking weed”. Chuckling to myself, I put in my AirPods and picked a playlist for my journey back home.
When I looked up from my phone, there was the silhouette of somebody walking towards me. I have no idea how I missed them before, but honestly, it’s very possible they were just in a spot where the light wasn’t quite reaching them. A little unnerved, I shifted over to the left side of the sidewalk.
(Now I’m usually fine walking alone at night; I’m a 6’2 man who’s dabbled in the world of MMA. But something about this person gave me a primal feeling of unrest.)
When they shifted over to the left mirroring me, I felt my blood run cold. But alas, I had to keep walking because this was my only way back home. As I neared closer to the figure, I almost laughed at myself when I realized it was just some harmless girl walking towards the Murphy building. If anything, I’m the intimidating one to her.
This is where it really gets weird. She stopped as I was passing her and turned to me. Thinking she needed to ask me something, I took an AirPod out and asked “what’s up?”. After staring at me for an uncomfortable amount of time, she opened her mouth, and I kid you not, mimicked the laugh I heard moments before perfectly. Before I could chalk it up to it just being her in the trails earlier, I noticed something. Her mouth wasn’t moving at all. If I had left my AirPods in, it would just look like she was just opening her mouth and staring at me. She then shifted into a deep raspy laugh. She did all of this without moving her mouth at all; I couldn’t even see her throat moving as you would expect if someone was laughing. It was almost like she was some fucked up human-shaped gramophone. The feeling of absolute horror that came over me is something I’ve only experienced in my imagination. Before I could think to do anything next, My body began to run off some sort of primal instinct. With my legs burning, it took me about 10 minutes to get all the way back to my apartment and lock myself in relative safety.
I’m coming on here now to ask if anybody knows what I experienced? I have been hearing that same laughter outside my window every night since that night, I am too terrified to sleep well and have refused to go to any of my classes. Please I just want answers, I don’t want to keep living in fear.
Part 2:
Hey everyone, I’ve gotten some DMs telling me what it may be. I’ve heard everything from banshee to skinwalker. After further research I pray to god it was neither of them. I’m praying it was just some girl with a speaker playing some sort of cruel joke. I mean yes there are people who don’t like me on campus, I’ve made some enemies over the past 4 years. But, I just don’t understand what could’ve brought it to this point. I had to stop hiding in fear and go to my classes before my grades plummet, I’m almost done with my degree and only have a few more weeks. If I let some sort of stupid prank ruin my career, It would be everything I swore against to my parents.
A lot of you guys in the DMs were also asking what college I go to and what my name is. First I want to say sorry for not providing that information in the first post, I’m sure you can understand where my head was at typing that. So let me introduce myself, my name is Nick and In order to keep my privacy, I will only provide that I go to a midwest university.
I’m sure you may be wondering, “so did it just stop?”. I would love to say yes, but really things have just gotten weirder. Though, I am pleased to say that there is no longer laughing out my window every night.
Ever since that night, I’ve been noticing more things off with the people on campus. Now you may just think it’s paranoia, but just be patient and listen.
Yesterday, I decided to muster up all of my courage and go to class. Luckily my first class is at 10AM, when the sun is well in the sky, so walking across campus seemed much less threatening. When I sat down in my first class, I noticed something off with the girl that sits in front of me. Usually she’s chatty and excited to be in class, but today she just stared blankly ahead. I tried to say good morning and ask about her weekend, as we do every Monday, but she continued to have that blank stare. She did turn her head towards be, but her eyes read “lights on, but nobody is home”.
Thinking to myself, she may just be hungover, or going through the bout of college student depression. I decided to shrug it off and turn to the front of the class and get my notes ready. But the moment I turned around, I could feel it. Her eyes burrowing deep into the back of my head. When I flipped around to see if I was just being irrational, I quickly learned I wasn’t. Her eyes went from the blank glare, to the most enthusiastic face I’ve seen on her. It was horrible, it almost seemed like she was trying so hard to pretend she was thrilled to be in class and to speak to me. It was inhuman.
I’ve been on the internet long enough to catch on to the term “Uncanny valley”, and what I witnessed In my first hour gives me that same gut feeling I got when I saw that girl last Wednesday.
I was right to be uncomfortable though, I texted her after class to make sure she was doing alright. But her response only reignited the flames of deep fear burning in my soul.
I’ll copy and paste the messages here:
Me: Hey Is everything good? You seemed off in class today.
Steph SCI 101: Uh yeah, I’m fine. but I was not in class today, I’m severely hungover from Tanner’s party last night.
Me: Haha, good one.
Steph SCI 101: No I’m so Fr, are you okay?
Steph SCI 101: Are you trying to fuck with me or something?
Me: Nevermind, I’m sorry to bother you.
(End Of Texts)
Okay so I’m sure that this gives you all the same feeling of dread that it gave me but I’m sure scaled down a bit. This is where I have started to doubt that it’s a prank, because me and Stephanie are cool. There’s no level of hate for either of us, and even if it was some joke, we don’t know each other on that type of level.
Not only did this seem to happen in my first class, but in between classes while I was walking across campus as well. I walk past hundreds of faces in my many treks across campus, and I swear to you, at least 1/4th of the people I walked past had that same dead stare look. And the way they walked, god I hate even thinking of it. It was like they were an alien trying out their new body suits for the first time. The steps and the bends of their legs just seem so meticulous, dramaticized, and puppeteered.
I’m going to try to investigate further, because at this point my fear for my life is more of a reason to try and figure out what it is so I can try to stop it.
I’m no hero, and I’m sure as hell nothing special, but If I can know what to expect for another encounter, maybe I can avoid meeting the demise I have imagined.
Part 3
I had a strange dream last night, stranger than usual at least. I awoke in the woods, laying face down in the grass with someone looming over me. I heard their footsteps flee rapidly before I flipped over. I found myself just off the trail where the “incident” happened, on the trail laid a girl, bloodied and motionless. When I got up to approach her, she was quickly dragged into the parallel section of the woods. Seeing this I turned and ran into the section of woods I was in. When my legs gave out I found myself near an old supply shed, worn and long abandoned. Searching for cover, I tried the door, which luckily gave after a quick pull. There I found a trapdoor which emanated a blue hue through the cracks. The only thought on my mind, survival brought me to throw it open and climb down. I clattered down the ladder and right before my feet touched the ground, I was pulled backwards by my shirt. That’s where I woke up.
I have always trusted my gut and having a dream that vivid gave me a sense of courage I did not previously have. I know where to start my search now. I have decided my best course of action will be to record my findings on a tape recorder app. After I finish each entry it will be uploaded to a cloud that will ensure if anything happens to me, the story will get out. I am packing my backpack now with a flashlight, glow sticks to mark my trail, and a machete I was gifted by a local in Mexico. All of my recordings will be uploaded below and auto posted after 10 days. Wish me luck everyone, I’m going to need it.
Entry 1: I have started at the only place that makes sense, the trail. It is currently 1:45 PM and I have plenty of sun left in the sky. I just needed to find exactly where to start my journey into the woods. Strangely it was very easy to find. I recall one of the trees having a funky twist near the middle of the trunk. Probably just some two lovebirds trying to carve their name into the tree and realizing there were softer trees to carve into. Anyways hiking further into the woods I believe I can see the shape of the shed through the branches. I wish you guys could see how dense these trees are so you can understand my struggle.
Entry 2: I made it to the shed, but unfortunately the floor in here is concrete. This really sucks for me because I have absolutely no idea where to go from here. It’s identical on the outside but I just don’t understand. Maybe I’m just delusional, which in that case what a waste of time and energy. I’m going to head back home and just start packing for summer. Maybe it’ll be best if I just forget about all of this and leave it behind me. I am graduating after all. Wait hold on what is this?? there’s a button behind one of these shelves. I am going to press it, but idk how it would work because this floor is seamless. I’m just going to leave this recording so if anything does happen I don’t have to worry about holding the phone the whole time. Holy shit, the entire floor is lowering. It’s a fucking elevator.
Entry 3: Okay so I’ve been going down this elevator for like 30 seconds, how far down am I going?.. Oh wait hold on, Im stopped… There’s a metal door with a padlock. Ig since I have the machete there’s only one thing to do, break it. Im going to use the blunt side so I don’t ruin this thing, I like it too much. the lock clatters to the ground after 3 solid hits. Well ig there’s only one way to go now, there’s no button to get back up so I pray there’s another way up. The metal door creaks loudly. Fuck I regret this, It’s dark and I can tell it’s a big area because it’s so echoey in here. I’m currently praising my past self for thinking about the flashlight and glow sticks. I need to find out what in the hell this place is and most importantly, if there’s a damn light switch.
Entry 4: God this place is terrifying I’ve been walking around the sterile white halls of this place for like 10 minutes and have found nothing, no doors, no light switch. I feel like a rat in a maze. Also scratch what I said about being glad I packed glow sticks, because my stupid ass only brought like 20 of these things and I’m already down to 5. Also I feel like I’m not alone, every now and then I’ll turn a corner and the glow from the previous glow stick quickly vanishes. I feel like it might just be because the darkness seems to envelop everything like a blanket. But I have that feeling that I’m being followed. You know the one, where you know somethings wrong you just can’t pin point what it is. Oh shit no way, there’s light, I think there’s a door or something up ahead.
Entry 5: Holy shit… It’s a lab, and worse, there’s people strapped too tables, completely naked and unconscious. I know they are alive because each of them are hooked up with a million different cords, and one of those are plugged into a heart monitor. This place is huge, there has to be at least 50 people on these tables.
“Hey you, you’re not supposed to be in here” yelled a man adorned in a lab coat.
“What are you doing to these kids you sick fucks.” I yelled back at the man across the lab.
In a haste the scientist rushes towards a red button, setting off a loud alarm, turning the lights to a flashing red. With no exit behind me, I could only do one thing... Rush towards him. My training kicked in as I launched into a flurry of calculated strikes. My first hit connected, a right overhand clean under his eye. The doctor stumbled back, but I didn't give him a chance to recover. I pressed the attack, keeping him off balance with a relentless barrage of punches and kicks. He fought back ferociously, but I was one step ahead, anticipating his moves and countering with swift, efficient strikes. We wrestled, the room around us becoming a blur of pain and adrenaline. I used the environment to my advantage, improvising weapons from the scattered medical equipment and turning the empty tables on my opponent. Pinning him to the ground, I laid down a harsh barrage of final blows. His face was a bloody pulp, unrecognizable. But I didn’t walk away unscathed, somewhere in the tussle, the scientist buried a scalpel deep into my stomach. With my adrenaline wearing off, the pain overtook me, sending me into darkness as I fainted from the blood loss and adrenaline dump. I awoke with my arms and legs strapped to the cold metal operating table. Before I could try to struggle, a face overtook my field of vision.
“Quite a fight you put up, you turned poor Dr.Samson into a soup” the looming face said with a chuckle. “You are the first person to put the pieces together and for that I am thoroughly impressed Mr. Hayes”
“Who are you?!” I said fighting at my binds. “Let me go!”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that Mr.Hayes. You have seen far too much, and I definitely can’t have you running around telling the world what you saw here. Although nobody would believe you.” “And to answer your other question, I’m surprised you don’t recognize me… really take a moment and look at me” He said pulling down his face mask.
“Dr.Blackwood?” I said as I looked back on my freshman year biology class.
“Ding ding ding ding. We have a winner!” He said in a maniac joy.
“What are you going to do to me?” I asked.
“Well Mr.Hayes, first I’m going to sew you up from your little tussle you had with my late assistant and then I will put you under and cut into that skull of yours and take out a small piece of what we call in the science world your hippocampus. Then I will draw from that all of the necessary memories to create the perfect clone of you.” He responded.
“Why? Why would you need a clone of any of us. Why can’t you just clone someone willing to be apart of this?” I asked
“Because that’s no fun Mr.Hayes, the hunt excites me. Actually you’re lucky I didn’t get you the first night. Unfortunately my creation had a little bit of a malfunction and formed a wee bit of an attachment to you. I’m sure you remember the ruckus outside your window? Anyways I digress, I do this because everyone of you lowly students will go onto do mediocre jobs where you waste away at a desk. I must also add that with having a clone of you under my control, I can do anything and get away with clean hands. My plan with you originally was to have you go into the admissions office and steal every last cent all for me. On top of that I like the power, because one day I will have a clone of every student on this campus and eventually I will cause a revolt against our comedy of a government. Who will stop me, when I won’t even be on the front lines?” Dr.Blackwood explained.
“I will” I said freeing my last hand from the binds.
What he didn’t realize is that with all of this monologue and the questions I had been feeding him, I was slowly loosening my binds with each wiggle and movement in retaliation.
Lurching forward I grab onto his collar, pulling him into a vicious headbutt. The impact sent Dr. Blackwood reeling backward, his grip on consciousness loosening as he staggered. Seizing the moment, I lunged off the table, adrenaline coursing through my veins despite the searing pain in my abdomen. With a swift motion, I grabbed a nearby surgical instrument, holding it in a defensive stance as I faced my adversary. Dr. Blackwood, recovering from the blow, snarled with rage, his once calm demeanor now replaced by a feral intensity. The room seemed to shrink around us, the tension thickening with each passing second. This was my chance to stop Blackwood's twisted plans. As he lunged forward, I met his attack head-on, the clang of metal reverberating through the room. Blow after blow, we fought with an intensity born of desperation and determination. Despite my injuries, I refused to yield, driven by a fire burnt under me to protect myself and others from Blackwood's actions . In a final, swift move, I delivered a powerful front kick, sending Blackwood crashing to the ground. The room fell silent, the echoes of our struggle fading into the darkness. Coughing he sat in the corner laughing with blood spilling down his face. “You know that it’s too late to save any of these one lying on the tables. I would’ve released you, you know that right? I would’ve simply taken your memory from today out of your brain and leaving you in your bed to wake up thinking you had a fun night” he said with final resolve as he watched me grab the scalpel from the ground taking slow steps near him.
Looking down over him, It was my turn to laugh. Kneeling down to eye level with him I grabbed him by his hair and delivered a final message to him “Fuck you and your little science experiment” as I sliced deep into his throat watching the life fade from his eyes.
I eventually found an exit door, which lead me to a storm drain deep in the woods far from my campus. It took me 2 hours to limp my way onto a main road and flag down a passing car. Pulling over I was rushed to the hospital and later interrogated by some men in suits, my guess is CIA. Here I am now, writing my final entrance. I think I heard them say something about trying a new medical process on me to help me heal quicker
submitted by Krayzfrog to LazyMasquerade [link] [comments]
Hey everyone, I’m typing this on my phone so I apologize if there is weird formatting. Anyways, to get to the point, there’s something really off with some people on my campus. I have come seeking answers.I noticed it first walking home from my 7pm class last Wednesday.
To set the scene, most of the campus is tucked back into the woods a little, and my 7pm class is in the farthest building from the parking lot (further into the woods). I get out from that 7pm class around 9pm, so on cloudy nights like last Wednesday, the only lights on that long sidewalk are the lights radiating from the other buildings. Usually, there’s roughly 30 feet where it’s pitch black because the foliage is pretty dense. I usually walk back to my apartment with some classmates that live in the same complex as me, but I told them to go ahead of me while I finished the rest of the project.
After packing my laptop away, I started heading back home. It was roughly 9:30 at this point, and my brain was slowly shutting down preparing for the deep sleep that has yet to come.Walking down the sidewalk, I heard somebody not too far into the woods laughing like they’ve just heard the funniest joke ever. I immediately thought, “probably some Freshman walking the trails with their friends smoking weed”. Chuckling to myself, I put in my AirPods and picked a playlist for my journey back home.
When I looked up from my phone, there was the silhouette of somebody walking towards me. I have no idea how I missed them before, but honestly, it’s very possible they were just in a spot where the light wasn’t quite reaching them. A little unnerved, I shifted over to the left side of the sidewalk.
(Now I’m usually fine walking alone at night; I’m a 6’2 man who’s dabbled in the world of MMA. But something about this person gave me a primal feeling of unrest.)
When they shifted over to the left mirroring me, I felt my blood run cold. But alas, I had to keep walking because this was my only way back home. As I neared closer to the figure, I almost laughed at myself when I realized it was just some harmless girl walking towards the Murphy building. If anything, I’m the intimidating one to her.
This is where it really gets weird. She stopped as I was passing her and turned to me. Thinking she needed to ask me something, I took an AirPod out and asked “what’s up?”. After staring at me for an uncomfortable amount of time, she opened her mouth, and I kid you not, mimicked the laugh I heard moments before perfectly. Before I could chalk it up to it just being her in the trails earlier, I noticed something. Her mouth wasn’t moving at all. If I had left my AirPods in, it would just look like she was just opening her mouth and staring at me. She then shifted into a deep raspy laugh. She did all of this without moving her mouth at all; I couldn’t even see her throat moving as you would expect if someone was laughing. It was almost like she was some fucked up human-shaped gramophone. The feeling of absolute horror that came over me is something I’ve only experienced in my imagination. Before I could think to do anything next, My body began to run off some sort of primal instinct. With my legs burning, it took me about 10 minutes to get all the way back to my apartment and lock myself in relative safety.
I’m coming on here now to ask if anybody knows what I experienced? I have been hearing that same laughter outside my window every night since that night, I am too terrified to sleep well and have refused to go to any of my classes. Please I just want answers, I don’t want to keep living in fear.
Part 2:
Hey everyone, I’ve gotten some DMs telling me what it may be. I’ve heard everything from banshee to skinwalker. After further research I pray to god it was neither of them. I’m praying it was just some girl with a speaker playing some sort of cruel joke. I mean yes there are people who don’t like me on campus, I’ve made some enemies over the past 4 years. But, I just don’t understand what could’ve brought it to this point. I had to stop hiding in fear and go to my classes before my grades plummet, I’m almost done with my degree and only have a few more weeks. If I let some sort of stupid prank ruin my career, It would be everything I swore against to my parents.
A lot of you guys in the DMs were also asking what college I go to and what my name is. First I want to say sorry for not providing that information in the first post, I’m sure you can understand where my head was at typing that. So let me introduce myself, my name is Nick and In order to keep my privacy, I will only provide that I go to a midwest university.
I’m sure you may be wondering, “so did it just stop?”. I would love to say yes, but really things have just gotten weirder. Though, I am pleased to say that there is no longer laughing out my window every night.
Ever since that night, I’ve been noticing more things off with the people on campus. Now you may just think it’s paranoia, but just be patient and listen.
Yesterday, I decided to muster up all of my courage and go to class. Luckily my first class is at 10AM, when the sun is well in the sky, so walking across campus seemed much less threatening. When I sat down in my first class, I noticed something off with the girl that sits in front of me. Usually she’s chatty and excited to be in class, but today she just stared blankly ahead. I tried to say good morning and ask about her weekend, as we do every Monday, but she continued to have that blank stare. She did turn her head towards be, but her eyes read “lights on, but nobody is home”.
Thinking to myself, she may just be hungover, or going through the bout of college student depression. I decided to shrug it off and turn to the front of the class and get my notes ready. But the moment I turned around, I could feel it. Her eyes burrowing deep into the back of my head. When I flipped around to see if I was just being irrational, I quickly learned I wasn’t. Her eyes went from the blank glare, to the most enthusiastic face I’ve seen on her. It was horrible, it almost seemed like she was trying so hard to pretend she was thrilled to be in class and to speak to me. It was inhuman.
I’ve been on the internet long enough to catch on to the term “Uncanny valley”, and what I witnessed In my first hour gives me that same gut feeling I got when I saw that girl last Wednesday.
I was right to be uncomfortable though, I texted her after class to make sure she was doing alright. But her response only reignited the flames of deep fear burning in my soul.
I’ll copy and paste the messages here:
Me: Hey Is everything good? You seemed off in class today.
Steph SCI 101: Uh yeah, I’m fine. but I was not in class today, I’m severely hungover from Tanner’s party last night.
Me: Haha, good one.
Steph SCI 101: No I’m so Fr, are you okay?
Steph SCI 101: Are you trying to fuck with me or something?
Me: Nevermind, I’m sorry to bother you.
(End Of Texts)
Okay so I’m sure that this gives you all the same feeling of dread that it gave me but I’m sure scaled down a bit. This is where I have started to doubt that it’s a prank, because me and Stephanie are cool. There’s no level of hate for either of us, and even if it was some joke, we don’t know each other on that type of level.
Not only did this seem to happen in my first class, but in between classes while I was walking across campus as well. I walk past hundreds of faces in my many treks across campus, and I swear to you, at least 1/4th of the people I walked past had that same dead stare look. And the way they walked, god I hate even thinking of it. It was like they were an alien trying out their new body suits for the first time. The steps and the bends of their legs just seem so meticulous, dramaticized, and puppeteered.
I’m going to try to investigate further, because at this point my fear for my life is more of a reason to try and figure out what it is so I can try to stop it.
I’m no hero, and I’m sure as hell nothing special, but If I can know what to expect for another encounter, maybe I can avoid meeting the demise I have imagined.
Part 3
First off I would like to apologize for my 20-day hiatus. For those who were worried that curiosity killed the cat so to speak, I appreciate your concern. On top of my investigation, I have also had to go through finals and work for a boss who didn't believe in life outside of work. So let's start where we left off. I had a feeling that this task was left for me to solve. it may sound stupid, but let me explain why. That night, after my last post, I had a dream that further solidified my need to solve the mystery. I tried to write all that I remembered down the morning after so here is what I wrote.April 4th, 2024
I had a strange dream last night, stranger than usual at least. I awoke in the woods, laying face down in the grass with someone looming over me. I heard their footsteps flee rapidly before I flipped over. I found myself just off the trail where the “incident” happened, on the trail laid a girl, bloodied and motionless. When I got up to approach her, she was quickly dragged into the parallel section of the woods. Seeing this I turned and ran into the section of woods I was in. When my legs gave out I found myself near an old supply shed, worn and long abandoned. Searching for cover, I tried the door, which luckily gave after a quick pull. There I found a trapdoor which emanated a blue hue through the cracks. The only thought on my mind, survival brought me to throw it open and climb down. I clattered down the ladder and right before my feet touched the ground, I was pulled backwards by my shirt. That’s where I woke up.
I have always trusted my gut and having a dream that vivid gave me a sense of courage I did not previously have. I know where to start my search now. I have decided my best course of action will be to record my findings on a tape recorder app. After I finish each entry it will be uploaded to a cloud that will ensure if anything happens to me, the story will get out. I am packing my backpack now with a flashlight, glow sticks to mark my trail, and a machete I was gifted by a local in Mexico. All of my recordings will be uploaded below and auto posted after 10 days. Wish me luck everyone, I’m going to need it.
Entry 1: I have started at the only place that makes sense, the trail. It is currently 1:45 PM and I have plenty of sun left in the sky. I just needed to find exactly where to start my journey into the woods. Strangely it was very easy to find. I recall one of the trees having a funky twist near the middle of the trunk. Probably just some two lovebirds trying to carve their name into the tree and realizing there were softer trees to carve into. Anyways hiking further into the woods I believe I can see the shape of the shed through the branches. I wish you guys could see how dense these trees are so you can understand my struggle.
Entry 2: I made it to the shed, but unfortunately the floor in here is concrete. This really sucks for me because I have absolutely no idea where to go from here. It’s identical on the outside but I just don’t understand. Maybe I’m just delusional, which in that case what a waste of time and energy. I’m going to head back home and just start packing for summer. Maybe it’ll be best if I just forget about all of this and leave it behind me. I am graduating after all. Wait hold on what is this?? there’s a button behind one of these shelves. I am going to press it, but idk how it would work because this floor is seamless. I’m just going to leave this recording so if anything does happen I don’t have to worry about holding the phone the whole time. Holy shit, the entire floor is lowering. It’s a fucking elevator.
Entry 3: Okay so I’ve been going down this elevator for like 30 seconds, how far down am I going?.. Oh wait hold on, Im stopped… There’s a metal door with a padlock. Ig since I have the machete there’s only one thing to do, break it. Im going to use the blunt side so I don’t ruin this thing, I like it too much. the lock clatters to the ground after 3 solid hits. Well ig there’s only one way to go now, there’s no button to get back up so I pray there’s another way up. The metal door creaks loudly. Fuck I regret this, It’s dark and I can tell it’s a big area because it’s so echoey in here. I’m currently praising my past self for thinking about the flashlight and glow sticks. I need to find out what in the hell this place is and most importantly, if there’s a damn light switch.
Entry 4: God this place is terrifying I’ve been walking around the sterile white halls of this place for like 10 minutes and have found nothing, no doors, no light switch. I feel like a rat in a maze. Also scratch what I said about being glad I packed glow sticks, because my stupid ass only brought like 20 of these things and I’m already down to 5. Also I feel like I’m not alone, every now and then I’ll turn a corner and the glow from the previous glow stick quickly vanishes. I feel like it might just be because the darkness seems to envelop everything like a blanket. But I have that feeling that I’m being followed. You know the one, where you know somethings wrong you just can’t pin point what it is. Oh shit no way, there’s light, I think there’s a door or something up ahead.
Entry 5: Holy shit… It’s a lab, and worse, there’s people strapped too tables, completely naked and unconscious. I know they are alive because each of them are hooked up with a million different cords, and one of those are plugged into a heart monitor. This place is huge, there has to be at least 50 people on these tables.
“Hey you, you’re not supposed to be in here” yelled a man adorned in a lab coat.
“What are you doing to these kids you sick fucks.” I yelled back at the man across the lab.
In a haste the scientist rushes towards a red button, setting off a loud alarm, turning the lights to a flashing red. With no exit behind me, I could only do one thing... Rush towards him. My training kicked in as I launched into a flurry of calculated strikes. My first hit connected, a right overhand clean under his eye. The doctor stumbled back, but I didn't give him a chance to recover. I pressed the attack, keeping him off balance with a relentless barrage of punches and kicks. He fought back ferociously, but I was one step ahead, anticipating his moves and countering with swift, efficient strikes. We wrestled, the room around us becoming a blur of pain and adrenaline. I used the environment to my advantage, improvising weapons from the scattered medical equipment and turning the empty tables on my opponent. Pinning him to the ground, I laid down a harsh barrage of final blows. His face was a bloody pulp, unrecognizable. But I didn’t walk away unscathed, somewhere in the tussle, the scientist buried a scalpel deep into my stomach. With my adrenaline wearing off, the pain overtook me, sending me into darkness as I fainted from the blood loss and adrenaline dump. I awoke with my arms and legs strapped to the cold metal operating table. Before I could try to struggle, a face overtook my field of vision.
“Quite a fight you put up, you turned poor Dr.Samson into a soup” the looming face said with a chuckle. “You are the first person to put the pieces together and for that I am thoroughly impressed Mr. Hayes”
“Who are you?!” I said fighting at my binds. “Let me go!”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that Mr.Hayes. You have seen far too much, and I definitely can’t have you running around telling the world what you saw here. Although nobody would believe you.” “And to answer your other question, I’m surprised you don’t recognize me… really take a moment and look at me” He said pulling down his face mask.
“Dr.Blackwood?” I said as I looked back on my freshman year biology class.
“Ding ding ding ding. We have a winner!” He said in a maniac joy.
“What are you going to do to me?” I asked.
“Well Mr.Hayes, first I’m going to sew you up from your little tussle you had with my late assistant and then I will put you under and cut into that skull of yours and take out a small piece of what we call in the science world your hippocampus. Then I will draw from that all of the necessary memories to create the perfect clone of you.” He responded.
“Why? Why would you need a clone of any of us. Why can’t you just clone someone willing to be apart of this?” I asked
“Because that’s no fun Mr.Hayes, the hunt excites me. Actually you’re lucky I didn’t get you the first night. Unfortunately my creation had a little bit of a malfunction and formed a wee bit of an attachment to you. I’m sure you remember the ruckus outside your window? Anyways I digress, I do this because everyone of you lowly students will go onto do mediocre jobs where you waste away at a desk. I must also add that with having a clone of you under my control, I can do anything and get away with clean hands. My plan with you originally was to have you go into the admissions office and steal every last cent all for me. On top of that I like the power, because one day I will have a clone of every student on this campus and eventually I will cause a revolt against our comedy of a government. Who will stop me, when I won’t even be on the front lines?” Dr.Blackwood explained.
“I will” I said freeing my last hand from the binds.
What he didn’t realize is that with all of this monologue and the questions I had been feeding him, I was slowly loosening my binds with each wiggle and movement in retaliation.
Lurching forward I grab onto his collar, pulling him into a vicious headbutt. The impact sent Dr. Blackwood reeling backward, his grip on consciousness loosening as he staggered. Seizing the moment, I lunged off the table, adrenaline coursing through my veins despite the searing pain in my abdomen. With a swift motion, I grabbed a nearby surgical instrument, holding it in a defensive stance as I faced my adversary. Dr. Blackwood, recovering from the blow, snarled with rage, his once calm demeanor now replaced by a feral intensity. The room seemed to shrink around us, the tension thickening with each passing second. This was my chance to stop Blackwood's twisted plans. As he lunged forward, I met his attack head-on, the clang of metal reverberating through the room. Blow after blow, we fought with an intensity born of desperation and determination. Despite my injuries, I refused to yield, driven by a fire burnt under me to protect myself and others from Blackwood's actions . In a final, swift move, I delivered a powerful front kick, sending Blackwood crashing to the ground. The room fell silent, the echoes of our struggle fading into the darkness. Coughing he sat in the corner laughing with blood spilling down his face. “You know that it’s too late to save any of these one lying on the tables. I would’ve released you, you know that right? I would’ve simply taken your memory from today out of your brain and leaving you in your bed to wake up thinking you had a fun night” he said with final resolve as he watched me grab the scalpel from the ground taking slow steps near him.
Looking down over him, It was my turn to laugh. Kneeling down to eye level with him I grabbed him by his hair and delivered a final message to him “Fuck you and your little science experiment” as I sliced deep into his throat watching the life fade from his eyes.
I eventually found an exit door, which lead me to a storm drain deep in the woods far from my campus. It took me 2 hours to limp my way onto a main road and flag down a passing car. Pulling over I was rushed to the hospital and later interrogated by some men in suits, my guess is CIA. Here I am now, writing my final entrance. I think I heard them say something about trying a new medical process on me to help me heal quicker
2024.05.16 06:53 Krayzfrog There’s something off with the people on campus (full story)
I think there’s something off about my campus
Hey everyone, I’m typing this on my phone so I apologize if there is weird formatting. Anyways, to get to the point, there’s something really off with some people on my campus. I have come seeking answers.I noticed it first walking home from my 7pm class last Wednesday.
To set the scene, most of the campus is tucked back into the woods a little, and my 7pm class is in the farthest building from the parking lot (further into the woods). I get out from that 7pm class around 9pm, so on cloudy nights like last Wednesday, the only lights on that long sidewalk are the lights radiating from the other buildings. Usually, there’s roughly 30 feet where it’s pitch black because the foliage is pretty dense. I usually walk back to my apartment with some classmates that live in the same complex as me, but I told them to go ahead of me while I finished the rest of the project.
After packing my laptop away, I started heading back home. It was roughly 9:30 at this point, and my brain was slowly shutting down preparing for the deep sleep that has yet to come.Walking down the sidewalk, I heard somebody not too far into the woods laughing like they’ve just heard the funniest joke ever. I immediately thought, “probably some Freshman walking the trails with their friends smoking weed”. Chuckling to myself, I put in my AirPods and picked a playlist for my journey back home.
When I looked up from my phone, there was the silhouette of somebody walking towards me. I have no idea how I missed them before, but honestly, it’s very possible they were just in a spot where the light wasn’t quite reaching them. A little unnerved, I shifted over to the left side of the sidewalk.
(Now I’m usually fine walking alone at night; I’m a 6’2 man who’s dabbled in the world of MMA. But something about this person gave me a primal feeling of unrest.)
When they shifted over to the left mirroring me, I felt my blood run cold. But alas, I had to keep walking because this was my only way back home. As I neared closer to the figure, I almost laughed at myself when I realized it was just some harmless girl walking towards the Murphy building. If anything, I’m the intimidating one to her.
This is where it really gets weird. She stopped as I was passing her and turned to me. Thinking she needed to ask me something, I took an AirPod out and asked “what’s up?”. After staring at me for an uncomfortable amount of time, she opened her mouth, and I kid you not, mimicked the laugh I heard moments before perfectly. Before I could chalk it up to it just being her in the trails earlier, I noticed something. Her mouth wasn’t moving at all. If I had left my AirPods in, it would just look like she was just opening her mouth and staring at me. She then shifted into a deep raspy laugh. She did all of this without moving her mouth at all; I couldn’t even see her throat moving as you would expect if someone was laughing. It was almost like she was some fucked up human-shaped gramophone. The feeling of absolute horror that came over me is something I’ve only experienced in my imagination. Before I could think to do anything next, My body began to run off some sort of primal instinct. With my legs burning, it took me about 10 minutes to get all the way back to my apartment and lock myself in relative safety.
I’m coming on here now to ask if anybody knows what I experienced? I have been hearing that same laughter outside my window every night since that night, I am too terrified to sleep well and have refused to go to any of my classes. Please I just want answers, I don’t want to keep living in fear.
Part 2:
Hey everyone, I’ve gotten some DMs telling me what it may be. I’ve heard everything from banshee to skinwalker. After further research I pray to god it was neither of them. I’m praying it was just some girl with a speaker playing some sort of cruel joke. I mean yes there are people who don’t like me on campus, I’ve made some enemies over the past 4 years. But, I just don’t understand what could’ve brought it to this point. I had to stop hiding in fear and go to my classes before my grades plummet, I’m almost done with my degree and only have a few more weeks. If I let some sort of stupid prank ruin my career, It would be everything I swore against to my parents.
A lot of you guys in the DMs were also asking what college I go to and what my name is. First I want to say sorry for not providing that information in the first post, I’m sure you can understand where my head was at typing that. So let me introduce myself, my name is Nick and In order to keep my privacy, I will only provide that I go to a midwest university.
I’m sure you may be wondering, “so did it just stop?”. I would love to say yes, but really things have just gotten weirder. Though, I am pleased to say that there is no longer laughing out my window every night.
Ever since that night, I’ve been noticing more things off with the people on campus. Now you may just think it’s paranoia, but just be patient and listen.
Yesterday, I decided to muster up all of my courage and go to class. Luckily my first class is at 10AM, when the sun is well in the sky, so walking across campus seemed much less threatening. When I sat down in my first class, I noticed something off with the girl that sits in front of me. Usually she’s chatty and excited to be in class, but today she just stared blankly ahead. I tried to say good morning and ask about her weekend, as we do every Monday, but she continued to have that blank stare. She did turn her head towards be, but her eyes read “lights on, but nobody is home”.
Thinking to myself, she may just be hungover, or going through the bout of college student depression. I decided to shrug it off and turn to the front of the class and get my notes ready. But the moment I turned around, I could feel it. Her eyes burrowing deep into the back of my head. When I flipped around to see if I was just being irrational, I quickly learned I wasn’t. Her eyes went from the blank glare, to the most enthusiastic face I’ve seen on her. It was horrible, it almost seemed like she was trying so hard to pretend she was thrilled to be in class and to speak to me. It was inhuman.
I’ve been on the internet long enough to catch on to the term “Uncanny valley”, and what I witnessed In my first hour gives me that same gut feeling I got when I saw that girl last Wednesday.
I was right to be uncomfortable though, I texted her after class to make sure she was doing alright. But her response only reignited the flames of deep fear burning in my soul.
I’ll copy and paste the messages here:
Me: Hey Is everything good? You seemed off in class today.
Steph SCI 101: Uh yeah, I’m fine. but I was not in class today, I’m severely hungover from Tanner’s party last night.
Me: Haha, good one.
Steph SCI 101: No I’m so Fr, are you okay?
Steph SCI 101: Are you trying to fuck with me or something?
Me: Nevermind, I’m sorry to bother you.
(End Of Texts)
Okay so I’m sure that this gives you all the same feeling of dread that it gave me but I’m sure scaled down a bit. This is where I have started to doubt that it’s a prank, because me and Stephanie are cool. There’s no level of hate for either of us, and even if it was some joke, we don’t know each other on that type of level.
Not only did this seem to happen in my first class, but in between classes while I was walking across campus as well. I walk past hundreds of faces in my many treks across campus, and I swear to you, at least 1/4th of the people I walked past had that same dead stare look. And the way they walked, god I hate even thinking of it. It was like they were an alien trying out their new body suits for the first time. The steps and the bends of their legs just seem so meticulous, dramaticized, and puppeteered.
I’m going to try to investigate further, because at this point my fear for my life is more of a reason to try and figure out what it is so I can try to stop it.
I’m no hero, and I’m sure as hell nothing special, but If I can know what to expect for another encounter, maybe I can avoid meeting the demise I have imagined.
Part 3
I had a strange dream last night, stranger than usual at least. I awoke in the woods, laying face down in the grass with someone looming over me. I heard their footsteps flee rapidly before I flipped over. I found myself just off the trail where the “incident” happened, on the trail laid a girl, bloodied and motionless. When I got up to approach her, she was quickly dragged into the parallel section of the woods. Seeing this I turned and ran into the section of woods I was in. When my legs gave out I found myself near an old supply shed, worn and long abandoned. Searching for cover, I tried the door, which luckily gave after a quick pull. There I found a trapdoor which emanated a blue hue through the cracks. The only thought on my mind, survival brought me to throw it open and climb down. I clattered down the ladder and right before my feet touched the ground, I was pulled backwards by my shirt. That’s where I woke up.
I have always trusted my gut and having a dream that vivid gave me a sense of courage I did not previously have. I know where to start my search now. I have decided my best course of action will be to record my findings on a tape recorder app. After I finish each entry it will be uploaded to a cloud that will ensure if anything happens to me, the story will get out. I am packing my backpack now with a flashlight, glow sticks to mark my trail, and a machete I was gifted by a local in Mexico. All of my recordings will be uploaded below and auto posted after 10 days. Wish me luck everyone, I’m going to need it.
Entry 1: I have started at the only place that makes sense, the trail. It is currently 1:45 PM and I have plenty of sun left in the sky. I just needed to find exactly where to start my journey into the woods. Strangely it was very easy to find. I recall one of the trees having a funky twist near the middle of the trunk. Probably just some two lovebirds trying to carve their name into the tree and realizing there were softer trees to carve into. Anyways hiking further into the woods I believe I can see the shape of the shed through the branches. I wish you guys could see how dense these trees are so you can understand my struggle.
Entry 2: I made it to the shed, but unfortunately the floor in here is concrete. This really sucks for me because I have absolutely no idea where to go from here. It’s identical on the outside but I just don’t understand. Maybe I’m just delusional, which in that case what a waste of time and energy. I’m going to head back home and just start packing for summer. Maybe it’ll be best if I just forget about all of this and leave it behind me. I am graduating after all. Wait hold on what is this?? there’s a button behind one of these shelves. I am going to press it, but idk how it would work because this floor is seamless. I’m just going to leave this recording so if anything does happen I don’t have to worry about holding the phone the whole time. Holy shit, the entire floor is lowering. It’s a fucking elevator.
Entry 3: Okay so I’ve been going down this elevator for like 30 seconds, how far down am I going?.. Oh wait hold on, Im stopped… There’s a metal door with a padlock. Ig since I have the machete there’s only one thing to do, break it. Im going to use the blunt side so I don’t ruin this thing, I like it too much. the lock clatters to the ground after 3 solid hits. Well ig there’s only one way to go now, there’s no button to get back up so I pray there’s another way up. The metal door creaks loudly. Fuck I regret this, It’s dark and I can tell it’s a big area because it’s so echoey in here. I’m currently praising my past self for thinking about the flashlight and glow sticks. I need to find out what in the hell this place is and most importantly, if there’s a damn light switch.
Entry 4: God this place is terrifying I’ve been walking around the sterile white halls of this place for like 10 minutes and have found nothing, no doors, no light switch. I feel like a rat in a maze. Also scratch what I said about being glad I packed glow sticks, because my stupid ass only brought like 20 of these things and I’m already down to 5. Also I feel like I’m not alone, every now and then I’ll turn a corner and the glow from the previous glow stick quickly vanishes. I feel like it might just be because the darkness seems to envelop everything like a blanket. But I have that feeling that I’m being followed. You know the one, where you know somethings wrong you just can’t pin point what it is. Oh shit no way, there’s light, I think there’s a door or something up ahead.
Entry 5: Holy shit… It’s a lab, and worse, there’s people strapped too tables, completely naked and unconscious. I know they are alive because each of them are hooked up with a million different cords, and one of those are plugged into a heart monitor. This place is huge, there has to be at least 50 people on these tables.
“Hey you, you’re not supposed to be in here” yelled a man adorned in a lab coat.
“What are you doing to these kids you sick fucks.” I yelled back at the man across the lab.
In a haste the scientist rushes towards a red button, setting off a loud alarm, turning the lights to a flashing red. With no exit behind me, I could only do one thing... Rush towards him. My training kicked in as I launched into a flurry of calculated strikes. My first hit connected, a right overhand clean under his eye. The doctor stumbled back, but I didn't give him a chance to recover. I pressed the attack, keeping him off balance with a relentless barrage of punches and kicks. He fought back ferociously, but I was one step ahead, anticipating his moves and countering with swift, efficient strikes. We wrestled, the room around us becoming a blur of pain and adrenaline. I used the environment to my advantage, improvising weapons from the scattered medical equipment and turning the empty tables on my opponent. Pinning him to the ground, I laid down a harsh barrage of final blows. His face was a bloody pulp, unrecognizable. But I didn’t walk away unscathed, somewhere in the tussle, the scientist buried a scalpel deep into my stomach. With my adrenaline wearing off, the pain overtook me, sending me into darkness as I fainted from the blood loss and adrenaline dump. I awoke with my arms and legs strapped to the cold metal operating table. Before I could try to struggle, a face overtook my field of vision.
“Quite a fight you put up, you turned poor Dr.Samson into a soup” the looming face said with a chuckle. “You are the first person to put the pieces together and for that I am thoroughly impressed Mr. Hayes”
“Who are you?!” I said fighting at my binds. “Let me go!”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that Mr.Hayes. You have seen far too much, and I definitely can’t have you running around telling the world what you saw here. Although nobody would believe you.” “And to answer your other question, I’m surprised you don’t recognize me… really take a moment and look at me” He said pulling down his face mask.
“Dr.Blackwood?” I said as I looked back on my freshman year biology class.
“Ding ding ding ding. We have a winner!” He said in a maniac joy.
“What are you going to do to me?” I asked.
“Well Mr.Hayes, first I’m going to sew you up from your little tussle you had with my late assistant and then I will put you under and cut into that skull of yours and take out a small piece of what we call in the science world your hippocampus. Then I will draw from that all of the necessary memories to create the perfect clone of you.” He responded.
“Why? Why would you need a clone of any of us. Why can’t you just clone someone willing to be apart of this?” I asked
“Because that’s no fun Mr.Hayes, the hunt excites me. Actually you’re lucky I didn’t get you the first night. Unfortunately my creation had a little bit of a malfunction and formed a wee bit of an attachment to you. I’m sure you remember the ruckus outside your window? Anyways I digress, I do this because everyone of you lowly students will go onto do mediocre jobs where you waste away at a desk. I must also add that with having a clone of you under my control, I can do anything and get away with clean hands. My plan with you originally was to have you go into the admissions office and steal every last cent all for me. On top of that I like the power, because one day I will have a clone of every student on this campus and eventually I will cause a revolt against our comedy of a government. Who will stop me, when I won’t even be on the front lines?” Dr.Blackwood explained.
“I will” I said freeing my last hand from the binds.
What he didn’t realize is that with all of this monologue and the questions I had been feeding him, I was slowly loosening my binds with each wiggle and movement in retaliation.
Lurching forward I grab onto his collar, pulling him into a vicious headbutt. The impact sent Dr. Blackwood reeling backward, his grip on consciousness loosening as he staggered. Seizing the moment, I lunged off the table, adrenaline coursing through my veins despite the searing pain in my abdomen. With a swift motion, I grabbed a nearby surgical instrument, holding it in a defensive stance as I faced my adversary. Dr. Blackwood, recovering from the blow, snarled with rage, his once calm demeanor now replaced by a feral intensity. The room seemed to shrink around us, the tension thickening with each passing second. This was my chance to stop Blackwood's twisted plans. As he lunged forward, I met his attack head-on, the clang of metal reverberating through the room. Blow after blow, we fought with an intensity born of desperation and determination. Despite my injuries, I refused to yield, driven by a fire burnt under me to protect myself and others from Blackwood's actions . In a final, swift move, I delivered a powerful front kick, sending Blackwood crashing to the ground. The room fell silent, the echoes of our struggle fading into the darkness. Coughing he sat in the corner laughing with blood spilling down his face. “You know that it’s too late to save any of these one lying on the tables. I would’ve released you, you know that right? I would’ve simply taken your memory from today out of your brain and leaving you in your bed to wake up thinking you had a fun night” he said with final resolve as he watched me grab the scalpel from the ground taking slow steps near him.
Looking down over him, It was my turn to laugh. Kneeling down to eye level with him I grabbed him by his hair and delivered a final message to him “Fuck you and your little science experiment” as I sliced deep into his throat watching the life fade from his eyes.
I eventually found an exit door, which lead me to a storm drain deep in the woods far from my campus. It took me 2 hours to limp my way onto a main road and flag down a passing car. Pulling over I was rushed to the hospital and later interrogated by some men in suits, my guess is CIA. Here I am now, writing my final entrance. I think I heard them say something about trying a new medical process on me to help me heal quicker
submitted by Krayzfrog to BeingScaredStories [link] [comments]
Hey everyone, I’m typing this on my phone so I apologize if there is weird formatting. Anyways, to get to the point, there’s something really off with some people on my campus. I have come seeking answers.I noticed it first walking home from my 7pm class last Wednesday.
To set the scene, most of the campus is tucked back into the woods a little, and my 7pm class is in the farthest building from the parking lot (further into the woods). I get out from that 7pm class around 9pm, so on cloudy nights like last Wednesday, the only lights on that long sidewalk are the lights radiating from the other buildings. Usually, there’s roughly 30 feet where it’s pitch black because the foliage is pretty dense. I usually walk back to my apartment with some classmates that live in the same complex as me, but I told them to go ahead of me while I finished the rest of the project.
After packing my laptop away, I started heading back home. It was roughly 9:30 at this point, and my brain was slowly shutting down preparing for the deep sleep that has yet to come.Walking down the sidewalk, I heard somebody not too far into the woods laughing like they’ve just heard the funniest joke ever. I immediately thought, “probably some Freshman walking the trails with their friends smoking weed”. Chuckling to myself, I put in my AirPods and picked a playlist for my journey back home.
When I looked up from my phone, there was the silhouette of somebody walking towards me. I have no idea how I missed them before, but honestly, it’s very possible they were just in a spot where the light wasn’t quite reaching them. A little unnerved, I shifted over to the left side of the sidewalk.
(Now I’m usually fine walking alone at night; I’m a 6’2 man who’s dabbled in the world of MMA. But something about this person gave me a primal feeling of unrest.)
When they shifted over to the left mirroring me, I felt my blood run cold. But alas, I had to keep walking because this was my only way back home. As I neared closer to the figure, I almost laughed at myself when I realized it was just some harmless girl walking towards the Murphy building. If anything, I’m the intimidating one to her.
This is where it really gets weird. She stopped as I was passing her and turned to me. Thinking she needed to ask me something, I took an AirPod out and asked “what’s up?”. After staring at me for an uncomfortable amount of time, she opened her mouth, and I kid you not, mimicked the laugh I heard moments before perfectly. Before I could chalk it up to it just being her in the trails earlier, I noticed something. Her mouth wasn’t moving at all. If I had left my AirPods in, it would just look like she was just opening her mouth and staring at me. She then shifted into a deep raspy laugh. She did all of this without moving her mouth at all; I couldn’t even see her throat moving as you would expect if someone was laughing. It was almost like she was some fucked up human-shaped gramophone. The feeling of absolute horror that came over me is something I’ve only experienced in my imagination. Before I could think to do anything next, My body began to run off some sort of primal instinct. With my legs burning, it took me about 10 minutes to get all the way back to my apartment and lock myself in relative safety.
I’m coming on here now to ask if anybody knows what I experienced? I have been hearing that same laughter outside my window every night since that night, I am too terrified to sleep well and have refused to go to any of my classes. Please I just want answers, I don’t want to keep living in fear.
Part 2:
Hey everyone, I’ve gotten some DMs telling me what it may be. I’ve heard everything from banshee to skinwalker. After further research I pray to god it was neither of them. I’m praying it was just some girl with a speaker playing some sort of cruel joke. I mean yes there are people who don’t like me on campus, I’ve made some enemies over the past 4 years. But, I just don’t understand what could’ve brought it to this point. I had to stop hiding in fear and go to my classes before my grades plummet, I’m almost done with my degree and only have a few more weeks. If I let some sort of stupid prank ruin my career, It would be everything I swore against to my parents.
A lot of you guys in the DMs were also asking what college I go to and what my name is. First I want to say sorry for not providing that information in the first post, I’m sure you can understand where my head was at typing that. So let me introduce myself, my name is Nick and In order to keep my privacy, I will only provide that I go to a midwest university.
I’m sure you may be wondering, “so did it just stop?”. I would love to say yes, but really things have just gotten weirder. Though, I am pleased to say that there is no longer laughing out my window every night.
Ever since that night, I’ve been noticing more things off with the people on campus. Now you may just think it’s paranoia, but just be patient and listen.
Yesterday, I decided to muster up all of my courage and go to class. Luckily my first class is at 10AM, when the sun is well in the sky, so walking across campus seemed much less threatening. When I sat down in my first class, I noticed something off with the girl that sits in front of me. Usually she’s chatty and excited to be in class, but today she just stared blankly ahead. I tried to say good morning and ask about her weekend, as we do every Monday, but she continued to have that blank stare. She did turn her head towards be, but her eyes read “lights on, but nobody is home”.
Thinking to myself, she may just be hungover, or going through the bout of college student depression. I decided to shrug it off and turn to the front of the class and get my notes ready. But the moment I turned around, I could feel it. Her eyes burrowing deep into the back of my head. When I flipped around to see if I was just being irrational, I quickly learned I wasn’t. Her eyes went from the blank glare, to the most enthusiastic face I’ve seen on her. It was horrible, it almost seemed like she was trying so hard to pretend she was thrilled to be in class and to speak to me. It was inhuman.
I’ve been on the internet long enough to catch on to the term “Uncanny valley”, and what I witnessed In my first hour gives me that same gut feeling I got when I saw that girl last Wednesday.
I was right to be uncomfortable though, I texted her after class to make sure she was doing alright. But her response only reignited the flames of deep fear burning in my soul.
I’ll copy and paste the messages here:
Me: Hey Is everything good? You seemed off in class today.
Steph SCI 101: Uh yeah, I’m fine. but I was not in class today, I’m severely hungover from Tanner’s party last night.
Me: Haha, good one.
Steph SCI 101: No I’m so Fr, are you okay?
Steph SCI 101: Are you trying to fuck with me or something?
Me: Nevermind, I’m sorry to bother you.
(End Of Texts)
Okay so I’m sure that this gives you all the same feeling of dread that it gave me but I’m sure scaled down a bit. This is where I have started to doubt that it’s a prank, because me and Stephanie are cool. There’s no level of hate for either of us, and even if it was some joke, we don’t know each other on that type of level.
Not only did this seem to happen in my first class, but in between classes while I was walking across campus as well. I walk past hundreds of faces in my many treks across campus, and I swear to you, at least 1/4th of the people I walked past had that same dead stare look. And the way they walked, god I hate even thinking of it. It was like they were an alien trying out their new body suits for the first time. The steps and the bends of their legs just seem so meticulous, dramaticized, and puppeteered.
I’m going to try to investigate further, because at this point my fear for my life is more of a reason to try and figure out what it is so I can try to stop it.
I’m no hero, and I’m sure as hell nothing special, but If I can know what to expect for another encounter, maybe I can avoid meeting the demise I have imagined.
Part 3
First off I would like to apologize for my 20-day hiatus. For those who were worried that curiosity killed the cat so to speak, I appreciate your concern. On top of my investigation, I have also had to go through finals and work for a boss who didn't believe in life outside of work. So let's start where we left off. I had a feeling that this task was left for me to solve. it may sound stupid, but let me explain why. That night, after my last post, I had a dream that further solidified my need to solve the mystery. I tried to write all that I remembered down the morning after so here is what I wrote.April 4th, 2024
I had a strange dream last night, stranger than usual at least. I awoke in the woods, laying face down in the grass with someone looming over me. I heard their footsteps flee rapidly before I flipped over. I found myself just off the trail where the “incident” happened, on the trail laid a girl, bloodied and motionless. When I got up to approach her, she was quickly dragged into the parallel section of the woods. Seeing this I turned and ran into the section of woods I was in. When my legs gave out I found myself near an old supply shed, worn and long abandoned. Searching for cover, I tried the door, which luckily gave after a quick pull. There I found a trapdoor which emanated a blue hue through the cracks. The only thought on my mind, survival brought me to throw it open and climb down. I clattered down the ladder and right before my feet touched the ground, I was pulled backwards by my shirt. That’s where I woke up.
I have always trusted my gut and having a dream that vivid gave me a sense of courage I did not previously have. I know where to start my search now. I have decided my best course of action will be to record my findings on a tape recorder app. After I finish each entry it will be uploaded to a cloud that will ensure if anything happens to me, the story will get out. I am packing my backpack now with a flashlight, glow sticks to mark my trail, and a machete I was gifted by a local in Mexico. All of my recordings will be uploaded below and auto posted after 10 days. Wish me luck everyone, I’m going to need it.
Entry 1: I have started at the only place that makes sense, the trail. It is currently 1:45 PM and I have plenty of sun left in the sky. I just needed to find exactly where to start my journey into the woods. Strangely it was very easy to find. I recall one of the trees having a funky twist near the middle of the trunk. Probably just some two lovebirds trying to carve their name into the tree and realizing there were softer trees to carve into. Anyways hiking further into the woods I believe I can see the shape of the shed through the branches. I wish you guys could see how dense these trees are so you can understand my struggle.
Entry 2: I made it to the shed, but unfortunately the floor in here is concrete. This really sucks for me because I have absolutely no idea where to go from here. It’s identical on the outside but I just don’t understand. Maybe I’m just delusional, which in that case what a waste of time and energy. I’m going to head back home and just start packing for summer. Maybe it’ll be best if I just forget about all of this and leave it behind me. I am graduating after all. Wait hold on what is this?? there’s a button behind one of these shelves. I am going to press it, but idk how it would work because this floor is seamless. I’m just going to leave this recording so if anything does happen I don’t have to worry about holding the phone the whole time. Holy shit, the entire floor is lowering. It’s a fucking elevator.
Entry 3: Okay so I’ve been going down this elevator for like 30 seconds, how far down am I going?.. Oh wait hold on, Im stopped… There’s a metal door with a padlock. Ig since I have the machete there’s only one thing to do, break it. Im going to use the blunt side so I don’t ruin this thing, I like it too much. the lock clatters to the ground after 3 solid hits. Well ig there’s only one way to go now, there’s no button to get back up so I pray there’s another way up. The metal door creaks loudly. Fuck I regret this, It’s dark and I can tell it’s a big area because it’s so echoey in here. I’m currently praising my past self for thinking about the flashlight and glow sticks. I need to find out what in the hell this place is and most importantly, if there’s a damn light switch.
Entry 4: God this place is terrifying I’ve been walking around the sterile white halls of this place for like 10 minutes and have found nothing, no doors, no light switch. I feel like a rat in a maze. Also scratch what I said about being glad I packed glow sticks, because my stupid ass only brought like 20 of these things and I’m already down to 5. Also I feel like I’m not alone, every now and then I’ll turn a corner and the glow from the previous glow stick quickly vanishes. I feel like it might just be because the darkness seems to envelop everything like a blanket. But I have that feeling that I’m being followed. You know the one, where you know somethings wrong you just can’t pin point what it is. Oh shit no way, there’s light, I think there’s a door or something up ahead.
Entry 5: Holy shit… It’s a lab, and worse, there’s people strapped too tables, completely naked and unconscious. I know they are alive because each of them are hooked up with a million different cords, and one of those are plugged into a heart monitor. This place is huge, there has to be at least 50 people on these tables.
“Hey you, you’re not supposed to be in here” yelled a man adorned in a lab coat.
“What are you doing to these kids you sick fucks.” I yelled back at the man across the lab.
In a haste the scientist rushes towards a red button, setting off a loud alarm, turning the lights to a flashing red. With no exit behind me, I could only do one thing... Rush towards him. My training kicked in as I launched into a flurry of calculated strikes. My first hit connected, a right overhand clean under his eye. The doctor stumbled back, but I didn't give him a chance to recover. I pressed the attack, keeping him off balance with a relentless barrage of punches and kicks. He fought back ferociously, but I was one step ahead, anticipating his moves and countering with swift, efficient strikes. We wrestled, the room around us becoming a blur of pain and adrenaline. I used the environment to my advantage, improvising weapons from the scattered medical equipment and turning the empty tables on my opponent. Pinning him to the ground, I laid down a harsh barrage of final blows. His face was a bloody pulp, unrecognizable. But I didn’t walk away unscathed, somewhere in the tussle, the scientist buried a scalpel deep into my stomach. With my adrenaline wearing off, the pain overtook me, sending me into darkness as I fainted from the blood loss and adrenaline dump. I awoke with my arms and legs strapped to the cold metal operating table. Before I could try to struggle, a face overtook my field of vision.
“Quite a fight you put up, you turned poor Dr.Samson into a soup” the looming face said with a chuckle. “You are the first person to put the pieces together and for that I am thoroughly impressed Mr. Hayes”
“Who are you?!” I said fighting at my binds. “Let me go!”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that Mr.Hayes. You have seen far too much, and I definitely can’t have you running around telling the world what you saw here. Although nobody would believe you.” “And to answer your other question, I’m surprised you don’t recognize me… really take a moment and look at me” He said pulling down his face mask.
“Dr.Blackwood?” I said as I looked back on my freshman year biology class.
“Ding ding ding ding. We have a winner!” He said in a maniac joy.
“What are you going to do to me?” I asked.
“Well Mr.Hayes, first I’m going to sew you up from your little tussle you had with my late assistant and then I will put you under and cut into that skull of yours and take out a small piece of what we call in the science world your hippocampus. Then I will draw from that all of the necessary memories to create the perfect clone of you.” He responded.
“Why? Why would you need a clone of any of us. Why can’t you just clone someone willing to be apart of this?” I asked
“Because that’s no fun Mr.Hayes, the hunt excites me. Actually you’re lucky I didn’t get you the first night. Unfortunately my creation had a little bit of a malfunction and formed a wee bit of an attachment to you. I’m sure you remember the ruckus outside your window? Anyways I digress, I do this because everyone of you lowly students will go onto do mediocre jobs where you waste away at a desk. I must also add that with having a clone of you under my control, I can do anything and get away with clean hands. My plan with you originally was to have you go into the admissions office and steal every last cent all for me. On top of that I like the power, because one day I will have a clone of every student on this campus and eventually I will cause a revolt against our comedy of a government. Who will stop me, when I won’t even be on the front lines?” Dr.Blackwood explained.
“I will” I said freeing my last hand from the binds.
What he didn’t realize is that with all of this monologue and the questions I had been feeding him, I was slowly loosening my binds with each wiggle and movement in retaliation.
Lurching forward I grab onto his collar, pulling him into a vicious headbutt. The impact sent Dr. Blackwood reeling backward, his grip on consciousness loosening as he staggered. Seizing the moment, I lunged off the table, adrenaline coursing through my veins despite the searing pain in my abdomen. With a swift motion, I grabbed a nearby surgical instrument, holding it in a defensive stance as I faced my adversary. Dr. Blackwood, recovering from the blow, snarled with rage, his once calm demeanor now replaced by a feral intensity. The room seemed to shrink around us, the tension thickening with each passing second. This was my chance to stop Blackwood's twisted plans. As he lunged forward, I met his attack head-on, the clang of metal reverberating through the room. Blow after blow, we fought with an intensity born of desperation and determination. Despite my injuries, I refused to yield, driven by a fire burnt under me to protect myself and others from Blackwood's actions . In a final, swift move, I delivered a powerful front kick, sending Blackwood crashing to the ground. The room fell silent, the echoes of our struggle fading into the darkness. Coughing he sat in the corner laughing with blood spilling down his face. “You know that it’s too late to save any of these one lying on the tables. I would’ve released you, you know that right? I would’ve simply taken your memory from today out of your brain and leaving you in your bed to wake up thinking you had a fun night” he said with final resolve as he watched me grab the scalpel from the ground taking slow steps near him.
Looking down over him, It was my turn to laugh. Kneeling down to eye level with him I grabbed him by his hair and delivered a final message to him “Fuck you and your little science experiment” as I sliced deep into his throat watching the life fade from his eyes.
I eventually found an exit door, which lead me to a storm drain deep in the woods far from my campus. It took me 2 hours to limp my way onto a main road and flag down a passing car. Pulling over I was rushed to the hospital and later interrogated by some men in suits, my guess is CIA. Here I am now, writing my final entrance. I think I heard them say something about trying a new medical process on me to help me heal quicker
2024.05.16 06:41 Primrosescripts Comfort for Overstimulation [A4A] [Comfort] [Loving] [Autism Comfort] [Autistic Listener] [Overstimulated] [Party] [Crying] (repost from my old account)
This is a script I wanted to do for Autism Awareness Month originally posted on my old account. I tried my best and I am completely open to any tips or suggestions if you want me to write a script specifically for you, you can message me right now I am doing commissions completely for free. I do ask that I am credited and that you let me know if you use my script so I can check it out. If you need to make any minor changes that is completely fine but please do not change anything that will mess with the main idea.
Tags: A4A, Comfort, Loving, Autism, Autistic listener, Overstimulated, Party , Crying [A4A] [Comfort] [Loving] [Autism] [Autistic listener] [Overstimulated] [Party] [Crying]
(upbeat music, people talking)
Hahaha yeah, what’s up babe? Do you want me to go with you? Okay love text me if you need anything. Yeah I’ll just be out here.
I’ll be right back. I'm going to go find them. (footsteps) Maybe they’re outside. (sliding door opens and closes) No, maybe they’re in the bathroom. (footsteps)
(knocking on door) Love are you in there? (door opens) Babe are you okay? Hey, hey it’s okay. What’s going on hun? No you don’t need to talk about it right now if you don’t want to.
Yeah of course you can have a hug, come here. Do you want to step outside for a little while? Of course I’ll go with you. Do you want your earplugs to block out some of the noise? Yeah they’re right here on my keychain (keychain jingles) there you (the background noise quiets down)
Take my hand and we can go outside. (Door opens, background noise gets slightly louder, footsteps, door opens and closes, noise gets much quieter) Is that better love? I’m glad, are you ready to talk about what caused you to go hide in the bathroom?
That’s perfectly fine honey you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. We can just sit out here for a little while and enjoy the quiet. Yeah the stars are really pretty tonight, you can see a few constellations. Yeah the Little Dipper is right there and there's Orion's Belt.
They’re just as amazing as you. Of course I mean that they’re unique just like you. They look amazing just like you, and every star that’s a part of them is amazing just like every part of you is amazing.
You’re ready to talk, okay I’m listening… I can understand that, there were a lot of people in there talking and the music was really loud. Yeah there were a lot of new people. I don’t completely understand it but from what you’ve explained I see why you got overwhelmed. Oh sorry overstimulated.
What do you mean “why am I with you”, I’m with you because I love you. Yes even with your autism. Honey, why are you asking me this? Hey shhh it’s okay I’m right here just let it out. Don’t apologize for crying love, it's normal.
Yeah we can go home if you want. You wait out here and I’ll go back in and grab our stuff. (the speaker kisses the listener) I’ll be back. (Footsteps, door opens closes, the background noise gets louder) Hey yeah we’re going to head off, yeah everything is fine we just don’t want to be out too late. Yeah I’ll call you tomorrow.
(Door opens and closes background noise fades out) You ready to go love yea here’s your jacket. Let’s go (gate creaks open and closes) You okay honey you look kinda down? Why do you feel bad? (car door opens and closes, car engine starts) No I’m not upset that you wanted to leave the party. Why would I be mad? You were uncomfortable in there and needed to leave and you were able to express that to me. If anything I’m happy that you were able to tell me that you needed to leave. I know that isn’t easy for you and I’m really proud of you for telling me that.
Honey I love you and you don’t ever need to question that. I love you and only you with or without your autism. (Car engine stops, car door opens and closes) Come here honey (speaker kisses the listener) I love you and I always will, let’s get inside.
(Door opens and closes) Now what do you want to do? Pajamas,couch,movie and cuddles. You got it now go get your pjs on, I’ll get a few blankets and get a movie going, yes I know your comfort movie. Now go get into your pjs.
Hey hun you look comfy, come sit down. I’ve got your comfort movie all cued up, your favorite blanket, a few of your fidget toys, a book and your favorite safe foods. You don’t have to thank me. I'd do anything to make you feel better. Come cuddle up. Do you want to read your book, watch the movie, or just stim with your fidget toys and cuddle? Yeah we can just cuddle while you stim. I love watching you just go into your own world and zone out. It's adorable. Yes it is, have I ever lied to you? That was one time and it was for a surprise so it doesn't count. (Soft laughter) I love you too. Can I give you a kiss? (Speaker kisses listener)
You look so cute when you blush. There it is again. Can I ask you something? Do you ever feel like you have to mask around me? Okay can I ask why?
Your ex always made you feel bad for the way you act, oh honey. I would never make you feel bad for you being you. I love how you act. I love how you can go on hour long rants on your special interests and when you ask me to stim with you or just sit with you while you stim.
I don’t ever want to make you feel like you have to mask or be embarrassed because of your autism. I love you, autism and all. Because you’re unique and gorgeous. I love your personality, your laugh, your smile, the way your face lights up when you get to learn more about your special interests.
You are an amazing person and I love you. I want you to be proud of who you are as a person. (speaker kisses the listener) Look at me honey I want you to be happy and I want you to love yourself.
submitted by Primrosescripts to u/Primrosescripts [link] [comments]
Tags: A4A, Comfort, Loving, Autism, Autistic listener, Overstimulated, Party , Crying [A4A] [Comfort] [Loving] [Autism] [Autistic listener] [Overstimulated] [Party] [Crying]
(upbeat music, people talking)
Hahaha yeah, what’s up babe? Do you want me to go with you? Okay love text me if you need anything. Yeah I’ll just be out here.
I’ll be right back. I'm going to go find them. (footsteps) Maybe they’re outside. (sliding door opens and closes) No, maybe they’re in the bathroom. (footsteps)
(knocking on door) Love are you in there? (door opens) Babe are you okay? Hey, hey it’s okay. What’s going on hun? No you don’t need to talk about it right now if you don’t want to.
Yeah of course you can have a hug, come here. Do you want to step outside for a little while? Of course I’ll go with you. Do you want your earplugs to block out some of the noise? Yeah they’re right here on my keychain (keychain jingles) there you (the background noise quiets down)
Take my hand and we can go outside. (Door opens, background noise gets slightly louder, footsteps, door opens and closes, noise gets much quieter) Is that better love? I’m glad, are you ready to talk about what caused you to go hide in the bathroom?
That’s perfectly fine honey you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. We can just sit out here for a little while and enjoy the quiet. Yeah the stars are really pretty tonight, you can see a few constellations. Yeah the Little Dipper is right there and there's Orion's Belt.
They’re just as amazing as you. Of course I mean that they’re unique just like you. They look amazing just like you, and every star that’s a part of them is amazing just like every part of you is amazing.
You’re ready to talk, okay I’m listening… I can understand that, there were a lot of people in there talking and the music was really loud. Yeah there were a lot of new people. I don’t completely understand it but from what you’ve explained I see why you got overwhelmed. Oh sorry overstimulated.
What do you mean “why am I with you”, I’m with you because I love you. Yes even with your autism. Honey, why are you asking me this? Hey shhh it’s okay I’m right here just let it out. Don’t apologize for crying love, it's normal.
Yeah we can go home if you want. You wait out here and I’ll go back in and grab our stuff. (the speaker kisses the listener) I’ll be back. (Footsteps, door opens closes, the background noise gets louder) Hey yeah we’re going to head off, yeah everything is fine we just don’t want to be out too late. Yeah I’ll call you tomorrow.
(Door opens and closes background noise fades out) You ready to go love yea here’s your jacket. Let’s go (gate creaks open and closes) You okay honey you look kinda down? Why do you feel bad? (car door opens and closes, car engine starts) No I’m not upset that you wanted to leave the party. Why would I be mad? You were uncomfortable in there and needed to leave and you were able to express that to me. If anything I’m happy that you were able to tell me that you needed to leave. I know that isn’t easy for you and I’m really proud of you for telling me that.
Honey I love you and you don’t ever need to question that. I love you and only you with or without your autism. (Car engine stops, car door opens and closes) Come here honey (speaker kisses the listener) I love you and I always will, let’s get inside.
(Door opens and closes) Now what do you want to do? Pajamas,couch,movie and cuddles. You got it now go get your pjs on, I’ll get a few blankets and get a movie going, yes I know your comfort movie. Now go get into your pjs.
Hey hun you look comfy, come sit down. I’ve got your comfort movie all cued up, your favorite blanket, a few of your fidget toys, a book and your favorite safe foods. You don’t have to thank me. I'd do anything to make you feel better. Come cuddle up. Do you want to read your book, watch the movie, or just stim with your fidget toys and cuddle? Yeah we can just cuddle while you stim. I love watching you just go into your own world and zone out. It's adorable. Yes it is, have I ever lied to you? That was one time and it was for a surprise so it doesn't count. (Soft laughter) I love you too. Can I give you a kiss? (Speaker kisses listener)
You look so cute when you blush. There it is again. Can I ask you something? Do you ever feel like you have to mask around me? Okay can I ask why?
Your ex always made you feel bad for the way you act, oh honey. I would never make you feel bad for you being you. I love how you act. I love how you can go on hour long rants on your special interests and when you ask me to stim with you or just sit with you while you stim.
I don’t ever want to make you feel like you have to mask or be embarrassed because of your autism. I love you, autism and all. Because you’re unique and gorgeous. I love your personality, your laugh, your smile, the way your face lights up when you get to learn more about your special interests.
You are an amazing person and I love you. I want you to be proud of who you are as a person. (speaker kisses the listener) Look at me honey I want you to be happy and I want you to love yourself.
2024.05.16 06:32 Savings_Permit7872 A Love Letter to Columbia University
Shortly before a final paper with pre-assigned topics was due for one of my last courses at Columbia University, our professor sent us an email telling us to forego the previous parameters of the essay, and to instead write about the events that had occurred not even forty-eight hours earlier, as well as our reflections on them, to be done in any manner we chose. Here is a very lightly revised version of what I submitted: read it, ignore it, upvote it, downvote it, hate it, love it.
I am prefacing this essay by stating that it is the culmination of several intense emotions that I have been dealing with over the last few weeks, more specifically, the last several days. It is a free-form expression of the many things occupying my mind, and, as such, it may seem overwhelming or disjointed. Nevertheless, I will do my best to convey my feelings into something representative of my beliefs, and my time at this institution.
My time at Columbia University has been bookended in an almost comically bad way; it started with Zoom classes during the COVID-19 pandemic, and now it ends with Zoom final exams due to the lockdown of Columbia’s campus after protests regarding the Israel – Palestine conflict reached a fever pitch not just within Morningside Campus, but the international stage. My classmates and I missed in-person orientation, and now, given recent developments, we will not have a University Commencement, a fact I found out not from Columbia, but a New York Times alert, somehow lowering my opinion of this administration’s handling of recent events even more. While the circumstances around my time at Columbia have now both begun and finished in the same manner, I am proud to say that I have not. I do not mean that Columbia has simply made me a better writer, a more critical thinker, or more well read, although it certainly has done those things, sometimes forcing me to when I was not particularly in the mood to do so, but those improvements pale in comparison to the maturity and empathy my time at this university has given me.
When the decision to transition to remote learning during the Spring 2020 semester was made, occurring only a short time after I had received my acceptance letter (email), my first thought was how the pandemic would affect my transfer from community college to Columbia in September. Admittedly, this was a selfish perspective, considering the tremendous challenges that many would endure during the ensuing lockdowns and other upheavals of life. My concerns were solely focused on myself because I was on a simple track to graduate, place my degree on my resumé, and continue my trajectory of military service to college to employment, leaving little else to consideration, to include other people who were not in my immediate circle. Sitting here now, two weeks from graduation, with a job at a Fortune 500 company lined up, I should be happy, with the plans I had made years ago coming to fruition. Yet I cannot help feeling a sense of sadness and concern for the school I have spent years of my life at, and for the world as a whole.
James Hatch, a former member of the United States’s elite Naval Special Warfare Development Group, or DEVGRU, for short, more commonly known by its nickname, Seal Team Six, famous for its involvement in the killing of Osama Bin Laden and the rescue of the Maersk Alabama Captain Richard Phillips from pirates, amongst other things, spent over twenty years in the military. After being wounded on a mission to rescue American serviceman sergeant Bowe Bergdahl from enemy forces, he was medically discharged, and would eventually attend Yale University. While there, he wrote a piece titled My Semester with the Snowflakes (please give this a read, it will help people who have never been in the military understand its culture, along with some of the challenges veterans face when transitioning to college), where he details his initial discomfort with being in a vastly different environment than the military, surrounded by individuals who possessed opinions and beliefs contrary to the ones he was accustomed to. He recalls witnessing a student protest the country he spent over two decades serving by coating her hand in red paint, and leaving a palm print on an American flag, and details his shock when a classmate of his explained to him what a “safe space” was, as well as his pride when he began to understand the nuances of life both inside and outside of the nation he dedicated twenty-six years to.
I can relate to Mr. Hatch, (despite my service paling in comparison to his, as well as the fact that Columbia is far superior to Yale), because, like his friends who make fun of him for attending college with a bunch of “snowflakes,” mine do the same. More significantly, however, his personal growth during his time at school is something that I have experienced myself. When I started at Columbia, I did not even know which major I would choose, and was largely lost in a world very different than the one I had come from. Despite this, I made the decision to avoid communities such as MilVets and the students who made it very clear that they came from a military background, with their style of dress and demeanor, not because those organizations and individuals are a detriment; I know for a fact that MilVets has helped countless students succeed at Columbia and beyond, and the veterans that I have relationships with are all phenomenal people, but because I wanted to pressure myself into being exposed to something different. I was uncomfortable at first, but this turned out to be the right decision. I learned as much from simply talking to people whom I would normally never converse with about topics and ideas that I had never encountered as I did during classes about great works of art, polar and Cartesian coordinates, literature, astronomy, the list goes on.
If the protests about the Israel – Palestine conflict had occurred when I first started at Columbia, I would have been frustrated by the students taking up space, forcing us to be funneled on to campus by restricted access points and identification checks. Likely irritated by the disturbance of the quiet during finals season, I would have agreed with the people who called for students to simply focus on their assignments and stop inconveniencing others by shouting about something occurring on the other side of the world. Instead, I decided to learn about the conflict, educating myself about both sides of a war that has roots extending back millennia. While Columbia University did not agree to the demands of the protestors, they achieved something else they surely desired, reaching a goal they did not state to President Shafik and her advisors: they brought attention to their cause by educating at least one additional person about it.
After reading, talking to people, listening to input from students within various classes, and understanding that things such as the intertwined nature of financial workings, as well as conflicts not just in the Middle East, but all over the world, are a level of complexity that baffles some of the most brilliant minds of ours and previous generations, I will leave my thoughts about Israel and Palestine separate from this paper. I recognize that it is important to choose a side, as remaining impartial helps no one. However, when every news agency, group and individual makes their voice heard, satirical sources such as The Onion make these kind of posts, or Adult Swim’s Rick, the nihilistic, narcissistic, psychopathic, misanthropic lead character from the series Rick and Morty, addresses the conflict in this manner, I feel that it is better to relegate myself to a much smaller part of this debate, namely the occurrences on Columbia University’s Morningside Campus.
During basic training for the United States Army, a sense of brotherhood and camaraderie is hammered into recruits’ identities. When you graduate and are assigned to a unit, one where you could be thousands of miles from home on the opposite side of the country, or even in a completely different country, serving on one of the international bases, approaching someone who you have never met before is easy. Talking to them about shared experiences and stories you have in common, and the bonding that occurs, is the product of an indoctrination process and lifestyle that has existed longer than any of us have been alive, and is proof of its effectiveness. This sense of familiarity tends to continue even when one leaves the military. The Veterans of Foreign Wars community is a place for prior servicemembers of all conflicts to share a drink, a laugh, and sometimes a tear. When I go to the Veterans Administration Hospital for periodic check-ups or the occasional injury, men and woman wearing hats commemorating their service during Vietnam waiting for their appointments greet me with a smile and a handshake, as if we have known each other for years. While working at a golf club’s greens department before I transferred to Columbia from community college, a coworker of mine who had served in the Gulf War had heard from our supervisor that I had been in the Army, and he introduced himself to me on my first day, before anyone else, telling me that if I needed anything, I only had to ask. This camaraderie has expanded to encompass not just veterans, but first responders such as firemen, EMT’s, and the police as well.
Underneath the picture on my driver’s license, the word “veteran” is emblazoned next to a star, written in bright red text and all capital letters. I know for a fact that this one-and-a-half-inch indicator has helped me during interactions with law enforcement on multiple occasions. Only earlier this semester, during Presidents’ Day weekend, I went upstate to spend time with my family. While driving back, in an effort to make the seven-hour trip at a reasonable time, I was stopped for going twenty miles-per-hour over the speed limit. The officer who pulled me over, initially reserved, became noticeably more friendly when I handed him my license and registration. Ultimately, he gave me what amounted to a parking ticket for my actions, rather than the point-incurring, heavily fined moving violation he could have charged me with.
The ‘Thin Blue Line,’ as it is known, is a reference to the idea that the police are the barrier between law abiding citizens and criminals, order and chaos. The most common representation of this concept is a black-and-white American flag, with a single blue line in the place where a red or white stripe would normally be. This style has been expanded to include numerous other colors representing other first-responders: green for the military, red and white no longer to be interpreted as the traditional stripes of the American flag, but instead meant to represent the fire department and paramedics, and even grey for corrections officers. Seeing the appropriation of one of the most iconic symbols in the world, one that flies above the White House, schools, homes, national and international events, and even the Moon, I can say, as someone who has been unwillingly entangled within that appropriation, is nothing short of terrifying.
The fact that these entities and their supporters have literally sewn themselves into the fabric of the symbol of our nation makes one think that there is little room for the countless other occupations, aspects and people that make up this country. The idea of the police being the sole protectors of our society is patently absurd, and all one must do is point out the many instances of police brutality occurring over the years to refute it. I find myself thinking of how much power the officer who stopped me just three months ago had over me. Initially, I was happy that I had received a slap on the wrist, but recently I have found myself wondering what if my license did not state that I was a veteran, would he have charged me with a ticket that would have had much more serious implications? What if he was simply having a bad day, and he decided he did not like the look of me, or the color of my car, and I was the one who he ultimately decided to vent his frustrations on? This traffic infraction, an incredibly small incident compared to all the turmoil in the world, one that involves two strangers, supposedly bonded by our professions, on the side of a quiet, New York highway, serves as a metaphor to me, reminding me of the power structures at play on a much larger scale.
On April 22nd, 2024, I received this email, one of the many Clery Crime Alerts that students are automatically sent. An affiliate of Columbia University had their car stolen at gunpoint by two masked men on Claremont Avenue, not even a five-minute walk from campus. I skimmed the report, and almost immediately forgot about it, recognizing that crime is an inevitability in major cities, and that I needed to start my commute to school. Days later, on the night of April 30th, 2024, I received another email from Columbia, containing one of the most ominous messages I had ever seen, one that put the kind of fear in my heart that not even the alert of an armed carjacking could. Columbia’s Emergency Management Operations Team, offering no explanations, specifications, or even a greeting or sign-off, wrote in bold letters these three sentences: “Shelter in place for your safety due to heightened activity on the Morningside campus. Non-compliance may result in disciplinary action. Avoid the area until further notice.” Due to the protests on campus during recent weeks, President Shafik testifying before Congress, Columbia’s role as one of the main catalysts for student protests around the country, and the occupation of Hamilton Hall occurring in the earlier hours of that day, it was not hard to figure out what the email was referencing. Over the next several hours, I followed news agencies, remained glued to the Columbia subreddit, and listened to WKCR, in awe of these eighteen- to twenty-two-year-old students putting themselves at risk to deliver on the ground, accurate, unbiased coverage of one of the most significant events in the school’s history.
While tracking the events from multiple perspectives, to include the social media accounts of those near and on campus live streaming them, I held out hope that the university would make good on their promise from several days earlier to not invite the NYPD back, but a frightening picture began to unfold, one that I was intimately familiar with. One WKCR reporter stated that 114th street had so many officers on it that he could not see the asphalt of the road beneath them, and I knew that the staging area the NYPD had chosen was one of the best routes for moving towards what the military, and presumably law enforcement, would call an ‘objective.’ The officers cleared the smaller ‘objective,’ the largely unoccupied tents in front of Butler, and then moved towards Hamilton Hall, ordering even those not associated with its occupation to disperse, raising my stress levels and likely those of others, as it is rarely a good sign when police do not want their actions recorded and archived. After the initial entry to campus and clearing of areas and people in the immediate vicinity of Hamilton Hall, came the Long-Range Acoustic Device, or LRAD, a device that makes a megaphone sound like a whisper, and one known for its crowd-control potential, capable of producing sounds loud enough to cause damage to ear-drums, nausea, and headaches, ordering individuals to clear away. The NYPD began its execution of tactics in a way that my fellow soldiers and I used to rehearse, tactics I never dreamed that I would witness outside of the military, and certainly not by police officers who vastly outnumbered unarmed students on their own campus. The NYPD created a perimeter, or a ‘second layer of security’ to both provide reinforcements for the officers entering the building, and to prevent the fleeing of what are called ‘squirters,’ or individuals who attempt to escape the building after the raid begins. While the ‘breach’ team moved towards the front doors, using tools from a ‘hooligan kit,’ such as bolt cutters, hand-held battering rams and crowbars, a siege machine was brought in to allow access from a window; when taking over a building, the idea is to enter it from as many different directions as possible to better disorient and overwhelm its occupants. Flash-bang grenades, described as non-lethal, but known to have harmful effects, were thrown inside, presumably before entering any room, hallway, or otherwise enclosed area to minimize the resistance of anyone unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end of what can only be described as an assault on the visual and auditory senses. According to the Manhattan District Attorney, one of the officers inside Hamilton Hall had what is called in the military a “negligent discharge,” meaning his firearm went off unintentionally. While no one was hurt, the question remains why at least one, and more likely, numerous other officers were carrying guns loaded with live ammunition in the first place, when they so drastically outmatched the protestors in numbers and equipment. Additionally, a negligent discharge is an act of incompetence that would result in an active-duty soldier facing serious consequences, and derision from his peers. So far, the officer remains defended by his coworkers, and unpunished by his superiors.
As all this unfolded, I communicated with my friends from the past and present. My friends from the military checked on me to ensure that I was okay, as did my friends from school. The difference in how they viewed these events highlights what I believe is the change in myself that I stated I am most proud of at the beginning of this paper. My friends from the military were commenting that the assertion of order and control by way of militarized tactics was necessary, not concerning themselves with the human toll and destruction of trust that came along with it. Conversely, my schoolmates lamented the brutality and overstepping of boundaries that the NYPD and Columbia’s administration committed, one that turned a place meant to be a beacon of free speech, expression, and ideas, into what is now a police-state with strict control over who enters it.
My education inside and outside the classroom at this institution has challenged, thrilled, and changed me. Sitting here now, at the end of this paper, the end of the semester, and the end of my time at Columbia University, I am left feeling confused and sad regarding recent events, but also hopeful for the future. I know from experience that the students, teachers, and culture of this school have the power to encourage critical thinking and initiate personal growth. If it did those things for me, surely it can do the same for others
submitted by Savings_Permit7872 to columbia [link] [comments]
I am prefacing this essay by stating that it is the culmination of several intense emotions that I have been dealing with over the last few weeks, more specifically, the last several days. It is a free-form expression of the many things occupying my mind, and, as such, it may seem overwhelming or disjointed. Nevertheless, I will do my best to convey my feelings into something representative of my beliefs, and my time at this institution.
My time at Columbia University has been bookended in an almost comically bad way; it started with Zoom classes during the COVID-19 pandemic, and now it ends with Zoom final exams due to the lockdown of Columbia’s campus after protests regarding the Israel – Palestine conflict reached a fever pitch not just within Morningside Campus, but the international stage. My classmates and I missed in-person orientation, and now, given recent developments, we will not have a University Commencement, a fact I found out not from Columbia, but a New York Times alert, somehow lowering my opinion of this administration’s handling of recent events even more. While the circumstances around my time at Columbia have now both begun and finished in the same manner, I am proud to say that I have not. I do not mean that Columbia has simply made me a better writer, a more critical thinker, or more well read, although it certainly has done those things, sometimes forcing me to when I was not particularly in the mood to do so, but those improvements pale in comparison to the maturity and empathy my time at this university has given me.
When the decision to transition to remote learning during the Spring 2020 semester was made, occurring only a short time after I had received my acceptance letter (email), my first thought was how the pandemic would affect my transfer from community college to Columbia in September. Admittedly, this was a selfish perspective, considering the tremendous challenges that many would endure during the ensuing lockdowns and other upheavals of life. My concerns were solely focused on myself because I was on a simple track to graduate, place my degree on my resumé, and continue my trajectory of military service to college to employment, leaving little else to consideration, to include other people who were not in my immediate circle. Sitting here now, two weeks from graduation, with a job at a Fortune 500 company lined up, I should be happy, with the plans I had made years ago coming to fruition. Yet I cannot help feeling a sense of sadness and concern for the school I have spent years of my life at, and for the world as a whole.
James Hatch, a former member of the United States’s elite Naval Special Warfare Development Group, or DEVGRU, for short, more commonly known by its nickname, Seal Team Six, famous for its involvement in the killing of Osama Bin Laden and the rescue of the Maersk Alabama Captain Richard Phillips from pirates, amongst other things, spent over twenty years in the military. After being wounded on a mission to rescue American serviceman sergeant Bowe Bergdahl from enemy forces, he was medically discharged, and would eventually attend Yale University. While there, he wrote a piece titled My Semester with the Snowflakes (please give this a read, it will help people who have never been in the military understand its culture, along with some of the challenges veterans face when transitioning to college), where he details his initial discomfort with being in a vastly different environment than the military, surrounded by individuals who possessed opinions and beliefs contrary to the ones he was accustomed to. He recalls witnessing a student protest the country he spent over two decades serving by coating her hand in red paint, and leaving a palm print on an American flag, and details his shock when a classmate of his explained to him what a “safe space” was, as well as his pride when he began to understand the nuances of life both inside and outside of the nation he dedicated twenty-six years to.
I can relate to Mr. Hatch, (despite my service paling in comparison to his, as well as the fact that Columbia is far superior to Yale), because, like his friends who make fun of him for attending college with a bunch of “snowflakes,” mine do the same. More significantly, however, his personal growth during his time at school is something that I have experienced myself. When I started at Columbia, I did not even know which major I would choose, and was largely lost in a world very different than the one I had come from. Despite this, I made the decision to avoid communities such as MilVets and the students who made it very clear that they came from a military background, with their style of dress and demeanor, not because those organizations and individuals are a detriment; I know for a fact that MilVets has helped countless students succeed at Columbia and beyond, and the veterans that I have relationships with are all phenomenal people, but because I wanted to pressure myself into being exposed to something different. I was uncomfortable at first, but this turned out to be the right decision. I learned as much from simply talking to people whom I would normally never converse with about topics and ideas that I had never encountered as I did during classes about great works of art, polar and Cartesian coordinates, literature, astronomy, the list goes on.
If the protests about the Israel – Palestine conflict had occurred when I first started at Columbia, I would have been frustrated by the students taking up space, forcing us to be funneled on to campus by restricted access points and identification checks. Likely irritated by the disturbance of the quiet during finals season, I would have agreed with the people who called for students to simply focus on their assignments and stop inconveniencing others by shouting about something occurring on the other side of the world. Instead, I decided to learn about the conflict, educating myself about both sides of a war that has roots extending back millennia. While Columbia University did not agree to the demands of the protestors, they achieved something else they surely desired, reaching a goal they did not state to President Shafik and her advisors: they brought attention to their cause by educating at least one additional person about it.
After reading, talking to people, listening to input from students within various classes, and understanding that things such as the intertwined nature of financial workings, as well as conflicts not just in the Middle East, but all over the world, are a level of complexity that baffles some of the most brilliant minds of ours and previous generations, I will leave my thoughts about Israel and Palestine separate from this paper. I recognize that it is important to choose a side, as remaining impartial helps no one. However, when every news agency, group and individual makes their voice heard, satirical sources such as The Onion make these kind of posts, or Adult Swim’s Rick, the nihilistic, narcissistic, psychopathic, misanthropic lead character from the series Rick and Morty, addresses the conflict in this manner, I feel that it is better to relegate myself to a much smaller part of this debate, namely the occurrences on Columbia University’s Morningside Campus.
During basic training for the United States Army, a sense of brotherhood and camaraderie is hammered into recruits’ identities. When you graduate and are assigned to a unit, one where you could be thousands of miles from home on the opposite side of the country, or even in a completely different country, serving on one of the international bases, approaching someone who you have never met before is easy. Talking to them about shared experiences and stories you have in common, and the bonding that occurs, is the product of an indoctrination process and lifestyle that has existed longer than any of us have been alive, and is proof of its effectiveness. This sense of familiarity tends to continue even when one leaves the military. The Veterans of Foreign Wars community is a place for prior servicemembers of all conflicts to share a drink, a laugh, and sometimes a tear. When I go to the Veterans Administration Hospital for periodic check-ups or the occasional injury, men and woman wearing hats commemorating their service during Vietnam waiting for their appointments greet me with a smile and a handshake, as if we have known each other for years. While working at a golf club’s greens department before I transferred to Columbia from community college, a coworker of mine who had served in the Gulf War had heard from our supervisor that I had been in the Army, and he introduced himself to me on my first day, before anyone else, telling me that if I needed anything, I only had to ask. This camaraderie has expanded to encompass not just veterans, but first responders such as firemen, EMT’s, and the police as well.
Underneath the picture on my driver’s license, the word “veteran” is emblazoned next to a star, written in bright red text and all capital letters. I know for a fact that this one-and-a-half-inch indicator has helped me during interactions with law enforcement on multiple occasions. Only earlier this semester, during Presidents’ Day weekend, I went upstate to spend time with my family. While driving back, in an effort to make the seven-hour trip at a reasonable time, I was stopped for going twenty miles-per-hour over the speed limit. The officer who pulled me over, initially reserved, became noticeably more friendly when I handed him my license and registration. Ultimately, he gave me what amounted to a parking ticket for my actions, rather than the point-incurring, heavily fined moving violation he could have charged me with.
The ‘Thin Blue Line,’ as it is known, is a reference to the idea that the police are the barrier between law abiding citizens and criminals, order and chaos. The most common representation of this concept is a black-and-white American flag, with a single blue line in the place where a red or white stripe would normally be. This style has been expanded to include numerous other colors representing other first-responders: green for the military, red and white no longer to be interpreted as the traditional stripes of the American flag, but instead meant to represent the fire department and paramedics, and even grey for corrections officers. Seeing the appropriation of one of the most iconic symbols in the world, one that flies above the White House, schools, homes, national and international events, and even the Moon, I can say, as someone who has been unwillingly entangled within that appropriation, is nothing short of terrifying.
The fact that these entities and their supporters have literally sewn themselves into the fabric of the symbol of our nation makes one think that there is little room for the countless other occupations, aspects and people that make up this country. The idea of the police being the sole protectors of our society is patently absurd, and all one must do is point out the many instances of police brutality occurring over the years to refute it. I find myself thinking of how much power the officer who stopped me just three months ago had over me. Initially, I was happy that I had received a slap on the wrist, but recently I have found myself wondering what if my license did not state that I was a veteran, would he have charged me with a ticket that would have had much more serious implications? What if he was simply having a bad day, and he decided he did not like the look of me, or the color of my car, and I was the one who he ultimately decided to vent his frustrations on? This traffic infraction, an incredibly small incident compared to all the turmoil in the world, one that involves two strangers, supposedly bonded by our professions, on the side of a quiet, New York highway, serves as a metaphor to me, reminding me of the power structures at play on a much larger scale.
On April 22nd, 2024, I received this email, one of the many Clery Crime Alerts that students are automatically sent. An affiliate of Columbia University had their car stolen at gunpoint by two masked men on Claremont Avenue, not even a five-minute walk from campus. I skimmed the report, and almost immediately forgot about it, recognizing that crime is an inevitability in major cities, and that I needed to start my commute to school. Days later, on the night of April 30th, 2024, I received another email from Columbia, containing one of the most ominous messages I had ever seen, one that put the kind of fear in my heart that not even the alert of an armed carjacking could. Columbia’s Emergency Management Operations Team, offering no explanations, specifications, or even a greeting or sign-off, wrote in bold letters these three sentences: “Shelter in place for your safety due to heightened activity on the Morningside campus. Non-compliance may result in disciplinary action. Avoid the area until further notice.” Due to the protests on campus during recent weeks, President Shafik testifying before Congress, Columbia’s role as one of the main catalysts for student protests around the country, and the occupation of Hamilton Hall occurring in the earlier hours of that day, it was not hard to figure out what the email was referencing. Over the next several hours, I followed news agencies, remained glued to the Columbia subreddit, and listened to WKCR, in awe of these eighteen- to twenty-two-year-old students putting themselves at risk to deliver on the ground, accurate, unbiased coverage of one of the most significant events in the school’s history.
While tracking the events from multiple perspectives, to include the social media accounts of those near and on campus live streaming them, I held out hope that the university would make good on their promise from several days earlier to not invite the NYPD back, but a frightening picture began to unfold, one that I was intimately familiar with. One WKCR reporter stated that 114th street had so many officers on it that he could not see the asphalt of the road beneath them, and I knew that the staging area the NYPD had chosen was one of the best routes for moving towards what the military, and presumably law enforcement, would call an ‘objective.’ The officers cleared the smaller ‘objective,’ the largely unoccupied tents in front of Butler, and then moved towards Hamilton Hall, ordering even those not associated with its occupation to disperse, raising my stress levels and likely those of others, as it is rarely a good sign when police do not want their actions recorded and archived. After the initial entry to campus and clearing of areas and people in the immediate vicinity of Hamilton Hall, came the Long-Range Acoustic Device, or LRAD, a device that makes a megaphone sound like a whisper, and one known for its crowd-control potential, capable of producing sounds loud enough to cause damage to ear-drums, nausea, and headaches, ordering individuals to clear away. The NYPD began its execution of tactics in a way that my fellow soldiers and I used to rehearse, tactics I never dreamed that I would witness outside of the military, and certainly not by police officers who vastly outnumbered unarmed students on their own campus. The NYPD created a perimeter, or a ‘second layer of security’ to both provide reinforcements for the officers entering the building, and to prevent the fleeing of what are called ‘squirters,’ or individuals who attempt to escape the building after the raid begins. While the ‘breach’ team moved towards the front doors, using tools from a ‘hooligan kit,’ such as bolt cutters, hand-held battering rams and crowbars, a siege machine was brought in to allow access from a window; when taking over a building, the idea is to enter it from as many different directions as possible to better disorient and overwhelm its occupants. Flash-bang grenades, described as non-lethal, but known to have harmful effects, were thrown inside, presumably before entering any room, hallway, or otherwise enclosed area to minimize the resistance of anyone unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end of what can only be described as an assault on the visual and auditory senses. According to the Manhattan District Attorney, one of the officers inside Hamilton Hall had what is called in the military a “negligent discharge,” meaning his firearm went off unintentionally. While no one was hurt, the question remains why at least one, and more likely, numerous other officers were carrying guns loaded with live ammunition in the first place, when they so drastically outmatched the protestors in numbers and equipment. Additionally, a negligent discharge is an act of incompetence that would result in an active-duty soldier facing serious consequences, and derision from his peers. So far, the officer remains defended by his coworkers, and unpunished by his superiors.
As all this unfolded, I communicated with my friends from the past and present. My friends from the military checked on me to ensure that I was okay, as did my friends from school. The difference in how they viewed these events highlights what I believe is the change in myself that I stated I am most proud of at the beginning of this paper. My friends from the military were commenting that the assertion of order and control by way of militarized tactics was necessary, not concerning themselves with the human toll and destruction of trust that came along with it. Conversely, my schoolmates lamented the brutality and overstepping of boundaries that the NYPD and Columbia’s administration committed, one that turned a place meant to be a beacon of free speech, expression, and ideas, into what is now a police-state with strict control over who enters it.
My education inside and outside the classroom at this institution has challenged, thrilled, and changed me. Sitting here now, at the end of this paper, the end of the semester, and the end of my time at Columbia University, I am left feeling confused and sad regarding recent events, but also hopeful for the future. I know from experience that the students, teachers, and culture of this school have the power to encourage critical thinking and initiate personal growth. If it did those things for me, surely it can do the same for others
2024.05.16 06:19 Affectionate_Emu_168 looking for "wario" and wolfvale (??) from lichcraft (2016-2017)
hey! this is such a huge long shot im going for right now, but im here to find two friends i met on lichcraft (a mc server) back around 2016-2017. i used to go by the name alex and i was maybe 11 when i was super active ? i hardly remember my old usernames ;_; i was in a big group of friends who all hung out and roleplayed on this one medieval-themed creative plot. i miss everyone from that era so much, but sadly i mainly just remember wolfvale (from germany i think?) & my closest friend at the time, "wario" from britain (dont want to use his real name lol) im not sure if this would reach them, or if anyone would recognize any of this info, but id really appreciate it if anyone responded w/ any idea on who these two are! ( key info: I WAS ALEX, HE/THEY, FROM AMERICA!! I USED TO ROLEPLAY AS THE FIRE GUY WITH A HALF SKULL MASK (HIS NAME WAS DRAVEN) !!
submitted by Affectionate_Emu_168 to longlostgamers [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 06:18 Last_Code2187 Accutane Journey the whole shabang
I’ve been struggling with acne ever since grade 9. It was never really really bad where I considered taking Accutane however it was always there and my parents were always telling me to take it. I exhausted every other option and medication throughout all those years (I just finished my 1st year of uni). I spend thousands of dollars on skin care products and while my face never fully cleared it would go through stages where it cleared enough for me to be okay with it. Fast forward to grade 12, my face really broke out in result to threading it , and it took a big toll on me so I decided to see a dermatologist to ask for tretinoin, which would be my last resort before Accutane.
When I started tret it did clear up my face but not how I wanted. So after about 6 months or more on tret I finally decided to just suck it up and go on Accutane. My brother went on it as well and it cleared his face great and he never noticed any side effects.
It’s been since February 1st 2024 and I’m on my 2 weeks into my fourth month. While Accutane has absolutely cleared my skin amazingly I have been dealing with sooo many effects. My doctor started me on 40mg off the bat (she said the 20mg is kinda pointless derms are saying to just start off 40 to speed up the process).
Month one (40mg): my lips were dry but it wasn’t horrible, I was getting weird chest pains every now and then, my lower back pain was definitely there but wasn’t debilitating, my hair line was slightly thinning, my nose was constantly bloody but not runny it was just like chunks of blood, and my excema flared up majorly. My face is also always flushed and red lol.
Month two (40mg) : same same, my nose started hurting to like touch and push up, it’s started getting stuffy allll the time, back pain was still prominent, excema still really bad, skin very sensitive, my mood went crazy. I started getting less motivated and way more agitated, my patience lowered more than it usually is and I found I was getting angry quicker. I was already depressed lol so i dont know if it made it worse or not cause it’s normal. My hips were extremely tight and sore. And i dont know if this correlated but my nose started to always be moist. Like always wet for no reason. And a lot of farting to be honest.
I also don’t know if this has any correlation but I’m a very active person and Accutane has made me excessively sweaty. I could just be sitting in my bed and my hands will be drenched in sweat which is so out of the ordinary
Pros: Lips were not too dry, face was glowing, I didn’t get much of a purge at all, nose got smaller and eyelashes a little longer, back and chest acne cleared.
Month three and 2 weeks into four is when it got pretty rough. I got started on 60mg and I noticed:
-my lips significantly dryer it’s killing me -my back pain has been absolutely horrible I can barley do anything - major headaches - my hair is so much thinner and fragile in comparison to my usual thick curly hair -my nose is always wet, stuffy, and bloody - my excema is horrible -my skin cut so much easier it was so sensitive and thin - sweaty - same nose shit -my eyes burn a lot and get heavy quicker
Now how I battled these side effects
My skin care routine is my holy grail. My face is sooo hydrated and glowy and I honestly give credit to my routine. It’s plain and simple.
Morning - rinse with water and dr.jart moisturizer and clarins sun screen
Night- la Roche pose cleanser, first aid beauty moisturizer, sometimes I put on Mederma scar cream but the absolute must is the la Roche pose c3 balm. That shit Is amazing and I’ve been using it for monthssss.
My predicament is that I’m going back gone to leb in July (their hottest month) and that would also be my last month on this cycle. I really wanna tan and stuff so how bad is the sun on Accutane? Also I’m also considering maybe stopping a month early? Do you guys think that’s a bad idea and will get rid of all my progress?
My doctors said a cycle is 6 months but the derms are saying to do an additional 2 to cement the process. But I don’t want to because if so harsh.
What do you guys think?
submitted by Last_Code2187 to Accutane [link] [comments]
When I started tret it did clear up my face but not how I wanted. So after about 6 months or more on tret I finally decided to just suck it up and go on Accutane. My brother went on it as well and it cleared his face great and he never noticed any side effects.
It’s been since February 1st 2024 and I’m on my 2 weeks into my fourth month. While Accutane has absolutely cleared my skin amazingly I have been dealing with sooo many effects. My doctor started me on 40mg off the bat (she said the 20mg is kinda pointless derms are saying to just start off 40 to speed up the process).
Month one (40mg): my lips were dry but it wasn’t horrible, I was getting weird chest pains every now and then, my lower back pain was definitely there but wasn’t debilitating, my hair line was slightly thinning, my nose was constantly bloody but not runny it was just like chunks of blood, and my excema flared up majorly. My face is also always flushed and red lol.
Month two (40mg) : same same, my nose started hurting to like touch and push up, it’s started getting stuffy allll the time, back pain was still prominent, excema still really bad, skin very sensitive, my mood went crazy. I started getting less motivated and way more agitated, my patience lowered more than it usually is and I found I was getting angry quicker. I was already depressed lol so i dont know if it made it worse or not cause it’s normal. My hips were extremely tight and sore. And i dont know if this correlated but my nose started to always be moist. Like always wet for no reason. And a lot of farting to be honest.
I also don’t know if this has any correlation but I’m a very active person and Accutane has made me excessively sweaty. I could just be sitting in my bed and my hands will be drenched in sweat which is so out of the ordinary
Pros: Lips were not too dry, face was glowing, I didn’t get much of a purge at all, nose got smaller and eyelashes a little longer, back and chest acne cleared.
Month three and 2 weeks into four is when it got pretty rough. I got started on 60mg and I noticed:
-my lips significantly dryer it’s killing me -my back pain has been absolutely horrible I can barley do anything - major headaches - my hair is so much thinner and fragile in comparison to my usual thick curly hair -my nose is always wet, stuffy, and bloody - my excema is horrible -my skin cut so much easier it was so sensitive and thin - sweaty - same nose shit -my eyes burn a lot and get heavy quicker
Now how I battled these side effects
- dry lips = aquaphor and Vaseline layered -nose nothing -back pain = pills and heating pad and rest
- hair thinning= less heat, fable and mane hair oil every hair day shower, less slick backs, less shampoo, hair masks. It still hasn’t helped much to be honest but I’m hoping it will go back to normal when I’m off it. -excema= prescribed meds and excema relief euricine cream
My skin care routine is my holy grail. My face is sooo hydrated and glowy and I honestly give credit to my routine. It’s plain and simple.
Morning - rinse with water and dr.jart moisturizer and clarins sun screen
Night- la Roche pose cleanser, first aid beauty moisturizer, sometimes I put on Mederma scar cream but the absolute must is the la Roche pose c3 balm. That shit Is amazing and I’ve been using it for monthssss.
My predicament is that I’m going back gone to leb in July (their hottest month) and that would also be my last month on this cycle. I really wanna tan and stuff so how bad is the sun on Accutane? Also I’m also considering maybe stopping a month early? Do you guys think that’s a bad idea and will get rid of all my progress?
My doctors said a cycle is 6 months but the derms are saying to do an additional 2 to cement the process. But I don’t want to because if so harsh.
What do you guys think?
2024.05.16 06:05 drakeredflame REVOLUTION PPV 2024
ROH/WOH REVOLUTION PPV
Tony Schiavone and Ian Riccaboni welcome us to tonight's Revolution PPV and send us right to the opening match!!
…..
ROH Tag Titles Champs: Breakker and Alexander w/ Robert Stone vs New Catch Republic
NCR look to reclaim their titles from Robert Stone clients Josh Alexander and Bron Breakker. Alexander's ability to withstand punishment and Breakker's raw make that a tough ask.
NCR has deep technical ability and experience teaming together, while the new Champs are still learning their Rhythm. Everytime it looks too close, Stone can be seen distracting the referee or pulling someone out of the ring.
Late in the match, the referee tosses Mr Stone for excessive interference!! Unfortunately, Tyler Bate turns into a Breakker spear that nearly cuts him in half and the champs retain!!
Winners: Bron Breakker and Josh Alexander
…..
Austin Theory vs Jimmy Uso
From the opening bell, both competitors demonstrated their exceptional skills and determination, trading high-impact moves and near falls. Theory, known for his technical prowess and agility, seemed to have the upper hand at several points during the match, showcasing his ability to outmaneuver Jimmy with precision strikes and calculated offense. Jimmy never backed down as he is used to high-pressure situations.
Despite the relentless assault from Theory, it was the unwavering support of the crowd that proved to be the deciding factor for Jimmy Uso. The fans in attendance were firmly behind him, their cheers and chants creating an electric atmosphere that reverberated throughout the arena. Every time Jimmy looked to be on the verge of defeat, the deafening roar of the audience seemed to reignite his fighting spirit. Theory was able to land Ataxia, but Jimmy kicked out a split-second before the 3 count.
In the final moments, the crowd's energy reached a fever pitch, fueling Jimmy’s final surge of offense. A completely unexpected Full Nelson Bomb caught Theory off guard and Uso scored the 3!!
Winner: Jimmy Uso
…..
WOH International Title Sol Ruca vs Tegan Nox
Salina de la Renta joins Commentary for this one. She proudly points out the talent of the two competitors looking for their first title in WOH. Sol is somewhat hesitant in the early going, as she saw what Tegan Nox did to her last opponent.
Tegan takes full advantage of this, and starts laying in some heavy blows.. every cry of pain from Sol seems to derive a cry of joy from Tegan!!
Salina de la Renta is a little unsure of Tegan’s new attitude, but complements her on finding a way to push herself up the ladder in WOH.
Moments later a wicked looking Shiniest Wizard lands and Tegan Nox is the winner.
Winner and New WOH International Champion: Tegan Nox
…..
Renée Paquette approaches, to get a word with the new Champion, but Tegan brushes her off and stalks up the rampway with her title .
……
ROH International Title Damian Priest vs Marcel Barthel
In a match for the newly unified International Championship, Damian Priest faces Marcel Barthel. Priest is known for his imposing size and strength, giving him a significant power advantage. Barthel is a master technician, excelling in grappling and submission holds.
And that is what plays out. Barthel doing his best to outwrestle Damian, and his opponent using his power and agility to stay out of his grasp. Barthel does manage a couple of Near-falls but the match is definitely Priest's when he wants to end it.
A big boot staggers Barthel and a huge South of Heaven chokeslam wins the match.
Winner and New International Champion: Damian Priest
……
A strange music erupts that commentary is able to identify as a hybrid of Imperium and Ringkampf’s themes mixed together.. A spotlight shines on the entrance ramp. The crowd grows silent. Damian Priest looks up angrily as his celebration is cut short.
Damian is shocked as none other than GUNTHER himself steps through the curtain. The crowd doesn't know how to react. He smiles darkly and points at Damian, then steps back through the curtain. Priest rolls out of the ring and races after him with a look of pure rage on his face!
…..
Pentagon Jr vs Nic Nemeth w/ Robert Stone
The third match in this recent series of matches starts like the others have.. Penta taking to the Sky, showcasing his Lucha skills and Nemeth using a ground based offense. As we have seen, these 2 talented veterans are very evenly matched.
The referee is watching Robert Stone like a hawk after the opening match shenanigans. Stone raises his hands and says he's just there to advise his client. What he misses is Nic punting Penta low and hitting a Danger Zone for the tainted victory.
Winner: Nic Nemeth
…..
WOH Tag Titles Open Challenge Champs: Sky Pirates vs ????
The Sky Pirates, the WOH Tag Team Champions, come out to the roar of the crowd!! They raise their titles in the air and bask in the love of the crowd.
We all await their opponents. First through the curtain is a woman wearing a demon mask! The bigger shock is her partner, a larger woman dressed in black and wearing a dragon mask!!
Io and Kairi have no Idea who the masked women are, but they start the match Kairi vs the Demon mask. Cat and mouse seems to be the idea here, as Kairi plays hit and run with the much stronger Demon. A tag to Io keeps things moving at a fast pace.
The Demon woman does manage to knock down Io and makes a tag to her masked partner. Things slow down as the dragon masked one grabs Io in a bear hug and starts to squeeze. A belly to belly suplex from the bear hug stuns Io. A Powerbomb crumples up Io and suddenly we have New WOH Tag Team Champions!!
Winners and New WOH Tag Team Champions: The Masked Women
…..
WOH World Title Champ: Jamie Hayter vs Asuka
As everyone tries to figure out who the new Women's Tag Team Champions are, the introductions for the WOH World Title Match begin. The challenger, Asuka, comes out first.
The leader of the Queens of Violence and our WOH World Champion - Jamie Hayter is out next . Both combatants are a touch slow after what they witnessed in the last match. But within minutes, the match is going in earnest.
Asuka makes the first move, catching the champ in an octopus stretch!! Hayter gets to the ropes after several minutes of pain. Asuka doesn't want to release the hold, but eventually does. A pair of clotheslines take Asuka down, and the champ starts raining down the fists.
Just as it seems like the champion is going to kick it into a higher gear, the arena goes black. When the lights come back up, four masked women stands over a downed Asuka and Jamie Hayter!!
The new Tag Champs are now joined by a fox mask and a black masked woman wearing a crown. They start to remove their masks.
The Fox mask is new International Champion Tegan Nox !!
The Demon is Zoey Stark!! The Dragon is none other than Salina de la Renta's enforcer Kris Statlander!!
The Crown now produces a microphone and speaks..
“Do you see how easy this was? Tegan is the International Champion. Zoey and Statlander are the Tag Team Champions, and soon - I will be the Women's Champion!!” She drops her mask to reveal, in the biggest shock of the night - Charlotte Flair!!!
“We are The Standard And You Don't Measure Up!!”
……
As The Standard leaves the ring, we head to a brief PPV commercial break - hyping up Anarchy in ROH, next month's PPV. Commentary let's us know that both Jamie Hayter and Asuka have been taken to a local medical facility for observation.
We also hear from GM Nigel McGuiness. He let's us know that Anyone who interferes in the Main Event will be automatically FIRED !!!
…..
MAIN EVENT
ROH World Title Champ: Jay White vs Malakai Black
In the highly anticipated Main Event clash of Superstars, Malakai Black faced off against Jay White. Both competitors brought their unique styles to the ring, with Black's striking martial arts contrasting sharply with White's cunning and technical prowess. The match began with a series of rapid exchanges, showcasing the agility and precision of both men. Black's swift kicks and devastating strikes kept White at bay, but "Switchblade" countered with his own brand of methodical offense, targeting Black's limbs to slow his momentum.
As the match progressed, the intensity only escalated. White, known for his cerebral approach, tried to wear down Black with a series of submissions and suplexes, aiming to weaken his opponent. However, Black's unyielding spirit shone through. He absorbed the punishment and retaliated with vicious knees and kicks that echoed throughout the arena. The turning point came when White attempted his signature Blade Runner, only for Black to counter mid-move, stunning the crowd. With an almost supernatural agility, Black slipped out and delivered a lightning-quick Black Mass that left White reeling.
The climax of the bout saw both men exhausted, each digging deep into their reserves. White, in a last-ditch effort, went for another Blade Runner, but Black evaded it with one fluid motion.
In a moment of sheer brilliance, Malakai Black delivered a second Black Mass, catching Jay White flush on the jaw. The impact was definitive, and White crumpled to the mat. Black covered for the pin. The referee's hand hit the mat for the third time, and the arena erupted in applause, as they realized they have a New ROH World Champion in Malakai Black!
Winner And New ROH World Champion: Malakai Black
submitted by drakeredflame to RedflamesBookingNow [link] [comments]
Tony Schiavone and Ian Riccaboni welcome us to tonight's Revolution PPV and send us right to the opening match!!
…..
ROH Tag Titles Champs: Breakker and Alexander w/ Robert Stone vs New Catch Republic
NCR look to reclaim their titles from Robert Stone clients Josh Alexander and Bron Breakker. Alexander's ability to withstand punishment and Breakker's raw make that a tough ask.
NCR has deep technical ability and experience teaming together, while the new Champs are still learning their Rhythm. Everytime it looks too close, Stone can be seen distracting the referee or pulling someone out of the ring.
Late in the match, the referee tosses Mr Stone for excessive interference!! Unfortunately, Tyler Bate turns into a Breakker spear that nearly cuts him in half and the champs retain!!
Winners: Bron Breakker and Josh Alexander
…..
Austin Theory vs Jimmy Uso
From the opening bell, both competitors demonstrated their exceptional skills and determination, trading high-impact moves and near falls. Theory, known for his technical prowess and agility, seemed to have the upper hand at several points during the match, showcasing his ability to outmaneuver Jimmy with precision strikes and calculated offense. Jimmy never backed down as he is used to high-pressure situations.
Despite the relentless assault from Theory, it was the unwavering support of the crowd that proved to be the deciding factor for Jimmy Uso. The fans in attendance were firmly behind him, their cheers and chants creating an electric atmosphere that reverberated throughout the arena. Every time Jimmy looked to be on the verge of defeat, the deafening roar of the audience seemed to reignite his fighting spirit. Theory was able to land Ataxia, but Jimmy kicked out a split-second before the 3 count.
In the final moments, the crowd's energy reached a fever pitch, fueling Jimmy’s final surge of offense. A completely unexpected Full Nelson Bomb caught Theory off guard and Uso scored the 3!!
Winner: Jimmy Uso
…..
WOH International Title Sol Ruca vs Tegan Nox
Salina de la Renta joins Commentary for this one. She proudly points out the talent of the two competitors looking for their first title in WOH. Sol is somewhat hesitant in the early going, as she saw what Tegan Nox did to her last opponent.
Tegan takes full advantage of this, and starts laying in some heavy blows.. every cry of pain from Sol seems to derive a cry of joy from Tegan!!
Salina de la Renta is a little unsure of Tegan’s new attitude, but complements her on finding a way to push herself up the ladder in WOH.
Moments later a wicked looking Shiniest Wizard lands and Tegan Nox is the winner.
Winner and New WOH International Champion: Tegan Nox
…..
Renée Paquette approaches, to get a word with the new Champion, but Tegan brushes her off and stalks up the rampway with her title .
……
ROH International Title Damian Priest vs Marcel Barthel
In a match for the newly unified International Championship, Damian Priest faces Marcel Barthel. Priest is known for his imposing size and strength, giving him a significant power advantage. Barthel is a master technician, excelling in grappling and submission holds.
And that is what plays out. Barthel doing his best to outwrestle Damian, and his opponent using his power and agility to stay out of his grasp. Barthel does manage a couple of Near-falls but the match is definitely Priest's when he wants to end it.
A big boot staggers Barthel and a huge South of Heaven chokeslam wins the match.
Winner and New International Champion: Damian Priest
……
A strange music erupts that commentary is able to identify as a hybrid of Imperium and Ringkampf’s themes mixed together.. A spotlight shines on the entrance ramp. The crowd grows silent. Damian Priest looks up angrily as his celebration is cut short.
Damian is shocked as none other than GUNTHER himself steps through the curtain. The crowd doesn't know how to react. He smiles darkly and points at Damian, then steps back through the curtain. Priest rolls out of the ring and races after him with a look of pure rage on his face!
…..
Pentagon Jr vs Nic Nemeth w/ Robert Stone
The third match in this recent series of matches starts like the others have.. Penta taking to the Sky, showcasing his Lucha skills and Nemeth using a ground based offense. As we have seen, these 2 talented veterans are very evenly matched.
The referee is watching Robert Stone like a hawk after the opening match shenanigans. Stone raises his hands and says he's just there to advise his client. What he misses is Nic punting Penta low and hitting a Danger Zone for the tainted victory.
Winner: Nic Nemeth
…..
WOH Tag Titles Open Challenge Champs: Sky Pirates vs ????
The Sky Pirates, the WOH Tag Team Champions, come out to the roar of the crowd!! They raise their titles in the air and bask in the love of the crowd.
We all await their opponents. First through the curtain is a woman wearing a demon mask! The bigger shock is her partner, a larger woman dressed in black and wearing a dragon mask!!
Io and Kairi have no Idea who the masked women are, but they start the match Kairi vs the Demon mask. Cat and mouse seems to be the idea here, as Kairi plays hit and run with the much stronger Demon. A tag to Io keeps things moving at a fast pace.
The Demon woman does manage to knock down Io and makes a tag to her masked partner. Things slow down as the dragon masked one grabs Io in a bear hug and starts to squeeze. A belly to belly suplex from the bear hug stuns Io. A Powerbomb crumples up Io and suddenly we have New WOH Tag Team Champions!!
Winners and New WOH Tag Team Champions: The Masked Women
…..
WOH World Title Champ: Jamie Hayter vs Asuka
As everyone tries to figure out who the new Women's Tag Team Champions are, the introductions for the WOH World Title Match begin. The challenger, Asuka, comes out first.
The leader of the Queens of Violence and our WOH World Champion - Jamie Hayter is out next . Both combatants are a touch slow after what they witnessed in the last match. But within minutes, the match is going in earnest.
Asuka makes the first move, catching the champ in an octopus stretch!! Hayter gets to the ropes after several minutes of pain. Asuka doesn't want to release the hold, but eventually does. A pair of clotheslines take Asuka down, and the champ starts raining down the fists.
Just as it seems like the champion is going to kick it into a higher gear, the arena goes black. When the lights come back up, four masked women stands over a downed Asuka and Jamie Hayter!!
The new Tag Champs are now joined by a fox mask and a black masked woman wearing a crown. They start to remove their masks.
The Fox mask is new International Champion Tegan Nox !!
The Demon is Zoey Stark!! The Dragon is none other than Salina de la Renta's enforcer Kris Statlander!!
The Crown now produces a microphone and speaks..
“Do you see how easy this was? Tegan is the International Champion. Zoey and Statlander are the Tag Team Champions, and soon - I will be the Women's Champion!!” She drops her mask to reveal, in the biggest shock of the night - Charlotte Flair!!!
“We are The Standard And You Don't Measure Up!!”
……
As The Standard leaves the ring, we head to a brief PPV commercial break - hyping up Anarchy in ROH, next month's PPV. Commentary let's us know that both Jamie Hayter and Asuka have been taken to a local medical facility for observation.
We also hear from GM Nigel McGuiness. He let's us know that Anyone who interferes in the Main Event will be automatically FIRED !!!
…..
MAIN EVENT
ROH World Title Champ: Jay White vs Malakai Black
In the highly anticipated Main Event clash of Superstars, Malakai Black faced off against Jay White. Both competitors brought their unique styles to the ring, with Black's striking martial arts contrasting sharply with White's cunning and technical prowess. The match began with a series of rapid exchanges, showcasing the agility and precision of both men. Black's swift kicks and devastating strikes kept White at bay, but "Switchblade" countered with his own brand of methodical offense, targeting Black's limbs to slow his momentum.
As the match progressed, the intensity only escalated. White, known for his cerebral approach, tried to wear down Black with a series of submissions and suplexes, aiming to weaken his opponent. However, Black's unyielding spirit shone through. He absorbed the punishment and retaliated with vicious knees and kicks that echoed throughout the arena. The turning point came when White attempted his signature Blade Runner, only for Black to counter mid-move, stunning the crowd. With an almost supernatural agility, Black slipped out and delivered a lightning-quick Black Mass that left White reeling.
The climax of the bout saw both men exhausted, each digging deep into their reserves. White, in a last-ditch effort, went for another Blade Runner, but Black evaded it with one fluid motion.
In a moment of sheer brilliance, Malakai Black delivered a second Black Mass, catching Jay White flush on the jaw. The impact was definitive, and White crumpled to the mat. Black covered for the pin. The referee's hand hit the mat for the third time, and the arena erupted in applause, as they realized they have a New ROH World Champion in Malakai Black!
Winner And New ROH World Champion: Malakai Black
2024.05.16 06:03 MilkyHoody Firefly in 2.3
Do you think Firefly will join the express in 2.3?
Tbh I rather her stay a stellaron hunter but I can see why people want her to join the express. I do think there is some cope with this idea but a little more believable than the whole Aventurine will become a Mask fool and leave the IPC after his fake death idea all because he got a tavern invitation in the past.
Lot of people have the idea Sunday will join the Stellaron Hunters and she'll leave for the express. I think Sunday joining will be cool but I rather not it be at the cost of Sam leaving since Sunday and Kafka kinda overlap with both having charisma and voice based powers. Also with 2.3 probably going to be shorter than the rest of the Penacony story, if Firefly joins it kinda kills the interactions we should get with her and the rest of the hunters since they won't interact as much anymore.
Her joining the express to find a cure to entropy loss syndrome doesn't seem likely since shes already travelled through the cosmos as a hunter and all the medical consultation say its pointless. She even accepts she'll die eventually but wants to live a life worth remembering.
The whole unimaginable rewards, and 3rd death is kinda like the crux of the idea. Her 3rd death will be metaphorical for Sam dying and joining the express which I don't see simply because hes a wanted criminal that feels no guilt for slaughtering villains and I don't see her wanting to tarnish the express reputation for having such a member or bringing danger to them. I actually see the death thing as either metaphorically or literally about her dying since a lot of dialog about her say her life is short but shes dazzling. She wants to be remembered by Firefly on her tombstone and I think that was the reward Elio was talking about since she made friends with the express, other ppl on Penacony like Acheron know her deeds and she even experienced a sweet dream of a life without worrying about Entropy loss syndrome. When she dies eventually people will remember her as Firefly not to mention the hunters seem amicable with her.
submitted by MilkyHoody to HonkaiStarRail [link] [comments]
Tbh I rather her stay a stellaron hunter but I can see why people want her to join the express. I do think there is some cope with this idea but a little more believable than the whole Aventurine will become a Mask fool and leave the IPC after his fake death idea all because he got a tavern invitation in the past.
Lot of people have the idea Sunday will join the Stellaron Hunters and she'll leave for the express. I think Sunday joining will be cool but I rather not it be at the cost of Sam leaving since Sunday and Kafka kinda overlap with both having charisma and voice based powers. Also with 2.3 probably going to be shorter than the rest of the Penacony story, if Firefly joins it kinda kills the interactions we should get with her and the rest of the hunters since they won't interact as much anymore.
Her joining the express to find a cure to entropy loss syndrome doesn't seem likely since shes already travelled through the cosmos as a hunter and all the medical consultation say its pointless. She even accepts she'll die eventually but wants to live a life worth remembering.
The whole unimaginable rewards, and 3rd death is kinda like the crux of the idea. Her 3rd death will be metaphorical for Sam dying and joining the express which I don't see simply because hes a wanted criminal that feels no guilt for slaughtering villains and I don't see her wanting to tarnish the express reputation for having such a member or bringing danger to them. I actually see the death thing as either metaphorically or literally about her dying since a lot of dialog about her say her life is short but shes dazzling. She wants to be remembered by Firefly on her tombstone and I think that was the reward Elio was talking about since she made friends with the express, other ppl on Penacony like Acheron know her deeds and she even experienced a sweet dream of a life without worrying about Entropy loss syndrome. When she dies eventually people will remember her as Firefly not to mention the hunters seem amicable with her.
2024.05.16 06:00 throwawayaccount3819 Trying to find a wearable relics visual mod but can't remember the name.
I remember someone used a mod that when you got a relic, it would appear on the player in the appropriate places (i.e. The Boot on the foot, Smiling Mask on the face, etc.). I've tried several key word combinations on Steam, Reddit, and Youtube of "visual relics", "wearable relics", or "relics on player" to no avail. I swear it exists, but I have no idea what the name is. Thank you in advance.
submitted by throwawayaccount3819 to slaythespire [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 05:39 turquoiseanswers I’m really struggling to love my faith again like I used to.
I was a homeschooled only child, raised in a QAnon/conspiracy theorist household. It was just a recipe for disaster, and I’ve slowly been trying to put the pieces together to figure things out.
I kind of thought things were going okay, but covid is what really made my world crumble. Out of everything, I think watching my parents turn into doomsday anti-vaxxers was the most devastating thing I’ve ever endured. I had to hide my covid vaccinations from them because my mom threatened to disown me if I “took the mark of the beast.” My dad thinks it’ll turn people into government controlled zombies. I have no other family, and honestly no strong friendships because I was isolated my entire childhood.
I grew up a huge fan of contemporary Christian music, and having so many of my favorite artists spiral into similar ideologies as my parents made me feel so alone. I won’t name anyone directly, but several have said or posted hurtful things regarding LGBTQ rights, and people like me who still mask up out of caution for covid. One artist I especially loved changed the lyrics and made a mockery of Amazing Grace when I saw him in concert in 2022. He said “since we were in good old Florida, he knew he could get away with it.”
(Trigger warning honestly if you don’t want the song ruined for you)
He sang “My mask is gone, I’ve been set free” and a bunch of other altered verses making fun of anyone who still cared about the pandemic. I felt excruciatingly uncomfortable sitting there in the first couple of rows, the only person in the crowd wearing a mask. The same artist has also posted stuff endorsing toxic purity culture and also anti-trans things.
He’s not the only one. I’ve really started having a tough time separating the artists from the music. I know of a couple who’ve posted some more inclusive things which is nice, but overall the CCM industry has really been giving me the ick lately. Not only that, but my old church as well.
I stopped attending church shortly before 2020. I’m honestly thankful for that because several of my old “Bible study” friends have become versions of themselves I hardly recognize. Maybe I was just oblivious to it at the less politically charged time, but gosh. I moved away so I haven’t seen them in about 5 years, but we’re still Facebook friends and it’s insane how many seem to have become QAnon/conspiracy theorists like my parents. They were normal in high school, at least I thought they were, so what happened?
I’ve thought about looking for a new church, but I’m not sure if I’m ready yet. I used to pray and worship and read scripture all the time, but now I’m ashamed to say it all feels like a chore. I’m terrified of losing my relationship with God, but I don’t feel authentic in my faith like I used to. Because I’ve been hurt by the people who used to encourage me in my faith, that pain has radiated its way into who I am today: someone who doesn’t know how to feel like myself, because I don’t even know who she is anymore.
I cringe listening to my old favorite worship songs. I want to feel that love for my faith again, but I can’t stop associating it with the insanity I’ve been subjected to.
As a teenager I pledged to “save my first kiss for my wedding day,” and that was something I was honestly happy with, until last year when I realized how absolutely deranged that concept was. Sure, don’t even kiss a man until you’ve signed a lifetime contract promising to never leave him for any reason whatsoever. Oh yeah, and while you’re at it make sure you’re submissive to him in everything because he’s “the head of the household.”
I’m now 27 and still have never had a boyfriend, still haven’t kissed anyone. I’ve been on dates with 5 men, and didn’t make it past a second date with any of them. The first one, I was 21 years old. He was from my Bible study, the one I mentioned earlier. He asked me for nudes after our one and only date and wouldn’t stop pressuring me to send them, even after I told him about my then-delusion of no kissing til marriage. I never gave him any thankfully.
I also didn’t go on another date with anyone until I was 25. I had ONE date to my name at the age of 25, because the one time I trusted a “nice boy from church,” he pulled that stunt and I was revolted.
The second guy I went out with, he was really nice but I just didn’t have feelings for him, which made me guilty for some reason. I don’t think I was ever taught growing up that it’s important to feel a connection with a guy, you’re just expected to take what you can get. We only had that one date. The third guy just wanted a hook up, and I was still hooked on purity culture so it went nowhere.
I didn’t have feelings for the fourth and fifth guys either. I only went out with them because they asked me, and out of loneliness and being too guilty to say no, I talked to them for longer than I should have, wasting everyone’s time.
I don’t know if this is from trauma, but I don’t feel attraction to most guys in real life. I know I’m straight because I definitely have a type in my head. Kind hearted, athletic and muscular but not overly so, fluffy hair and just cuddly and sweet gentle and wholesome. I feel shallow that I’m mostly only attracted to that, but I can’t help it.
I just don’t feel safe with meeting new people, fearing that I’ll accidentally bring someone damaging into my life that I can’t get rid of. Someone who doesn’t have the best intentions, and I struggle to hurt feelings by turning people down. What if we do get into a relationship, and I find out he has a belief that’s a deal breaker for me? I’m afraid I’ll temporarily tolerate something that will inevitably lead to us separating, but I’m too spineless to end things when I should. It’s mostly because I don’t know how to say no, but also because I’d fear landing back at square one, single and alone.
Now I’m in a weird place where I feel like I need to figure myself out more before I try inviting someone in. But I’m 27, and feel “over the hill,” especially as someone with virtually zero real romantic experience. I definitely don’t want my first kiss to be at the alter, but at the same time I’m conflicted on how the heck to feel comfortable with the idea of gasp having sex outside of marriage. I don’t even know when it would feel “okay.” Is six months into a relationship decently enough? Is that too long to find out if we’re incompatible? I was taught nothing so I’m feeling lost. And it’s hard to keep suppressing my forced tendency of “even holding a man’s hand is cheating on your future husband!”
Most of my prayers now are an endless cycle of “please forgive me, I’m sorry, I don’t know why I don’t feel like praying but I promise I still love You.” I feel awful saying this because I know it’s not true but I do feel unloved sometimes. Like I feel like I’m annoying Jesus somehow when I babble on about whatever thing I’m distraught about. But if I go through the default prayer order of Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and THEN finally Supplication, it feels insincere. I don’t want to speed through worshipful prayers just to get to the part I really feel like doing, begging for some sort of help. But I feel almost obligated to essentially suck up to God first before saying what I really mean. That doesn’t feel like a real honest relationship to me and it’s a rut I’ve been desperate to get out of.
Every January 1st and every birthday, for probably the past good 5 or 6 years, I’ve started a “One Year Bible” plan that I always end up abandoning after like 10 days. I just can’t stick to it. It’s not even strictly Genesis-Revelation order. It sprinkles in some chapters from the Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs every day, and each day takes maybe 15 minutes max to do. But somehow I always miss a day, then never catch up, saying I’ll try again the next “landmark day,” January 1st or my birthday, whichever comes next. I don’t know why I can’t love reading scripture. I want to so badly, but I don’t crave it unless I’ve had a nightmare and I need something to calm me down. It’s not a daily desire for me and I wish it was.
This post was a little all over the place, but I guess what I’m trying to ask is how do I cope with the loss of who I thought I was? How do I get comfortable with who I am now? I’m horrified at how long I subscribed to my parents’ beliefs without questioning anything. I just adopted any and everything I was told, and it created a clueless, confused adult.
submitted by turquoiseanswers to OpenChristian [link] [comments]
I kind of thought things were going okay, but covid is what really made my world crumble. Out of everything, I think watching my parents turn into doomsday anti-vaxxers was the most devastating thing I’ve ever endured. I had to hide my covid vaccinations from them because my mom threatened to disown me if I “took the mark of the beast.” My dad thinks it’ll turn people into government controlled zombies. I have no other family, and honestly no strong friendships because I was isolated my entire childhood.
I grew up a huge fan of contemporary Christian music, and having so many of my favorite artists spiral into similar ideologies as my parents made me feel so alone. I won’t name anyone directly, but several have said or posted hurtful things regarding LGBTQ rights, and people like me who still mask up out of caution for covid. One artist I especially loved changed the lyrics and made a mockery of Amazing Grace when I saw him in concert in 2022. He said “since we were in good old Florida, he knew he could get away with it.”
(Trigger warning honestly if you don’t want the song ruined for you)
He sang “My mask is gone, I’ve been set free” and a bunch of other altered verses making fun of anyone who still cared about the pandemic. I felt excruciatingly uncomfortable sitting there in the first couple of rows, the only person in the crowd wearing a mask. The same artist has also posted stuff endorsing toxic purity culture and also anti-trans things.
He’s not the only one. I’ve really started having a tough time separating the artists from the music. I know of a couple who’ve posted some more inclusive things which is nice, but overall the CCM industry has really been giving me the ick lately. Not only that, but my old church as well.
I stopped attending church shortly before 2020. I’m honestly thankful for that because several of my old “Bible study” friends have become versions of themselves I hardly recognize. Maybe I was just oblivious to it at the less politically charged time, but gosh. I moved away so I haven’t seen them in about 5 years, but we’re still Facebook friends and it’s insane how many seem to have become QAnon/conspiracy theorists like my parents. They were normal in high school, at least I thought they were, so what happened?
I’ve thought about looking for a new church, but I’m not sure if I’m ready yet. I used to pray and worship and read scripture all the time, but now I’m ashamed to say it all feels like a chore. I’m terrified of losing my relationship with God, but I don’t feel authentic in my faith like I used to. Because I’ve been hurt by the people who used to encourage me in my faith, that pain has radiated its way into who I am today: someone who doesn’t know how to feel like myself, because I don’t even know who she is anymore.
I cringe listening to my old favorite worship songs. I want to feel that love for my faith again, but I can’t stop associating it with the insanity I’ve been subjected to.
As a teenager I pledged to “save my first kiss for my wedding day,” and that was something I was honestly happy with, until last year when I realized how absolutely deranged that concept was. Sure, don’t even kiss a man until you’ve signed a lifetime contract promising to never leave him for any reason whatsoever. Oh yeah, and while you’re at it make sure you’re submissive to him in everything because he’s “the head of the household.”
I’m now 27 and still have never had a boyfriend, still haven’t kissed anyone. I’ve been on dates with 5 men, and didn’t make it past a second date with any of them. The first one, I was 21 years old. He was from my Bible study, the one I mentioned earlier. He asked me for nudes after our one and only date and wouldn’t stop pressuring me to send them, even after I told him about my then-delusion of no kissing til marriage. I never gave him any thankfully.
I also didn’t go on another date with anyone until I was 25. I had ONE date to my name at the age of 25, because the one time I trusted a “nice boy from church,” he pulled that stunt and I was revolted.
The second guy I went out with, he was really nice but I just didn’t have feelings for him, which made me guilty for some reason. I don’t think I was ever taught growing up that it’s important to feel a connection with a guy, you’re just expected to take what you can get. We only had that one date. The third guy just wanted a hook up, and I was still hooked on purity culture so it went nowhere.
I didn’t have feelings for the fourth and fifth guys either. I only went out with them because they asked me, and out of loneliness and being too guilty to say no, I talked to them for longer than I should have, wasting everyone’s time.
I don’t know if this is from trauma, but I don’t feel attraction to most guys in real life. I know I’m straight because I definitely have a type in my head. Kind hearted, athletic and muscular but not overly so, fluffy hair and just cuddly and sweet gentle and wholesome. I feel shallow that I’m mostly only attracted to that, but I can’t help it.
I just don’t feel safe with meeting new people, fearing that I’ll accidentally bring someone damaging into my life that I can’t get rid of. Someone who doesn’t have the best intentions, and I struggle to hurt feelings by turning people down. What if we do get into a relationship, and I find out he has a belief that’s a deal breaker for me? I’m afraid I’ll temporarily tolerate something that will inevitably lead to us separating, but I’m too spineless to end things when I should. It’s mostly because I don’t know how to say no, but also because I’d fear landing back at square one, single and alone.
Now I’m in a weird place where I feel like I need to figure myself out more before I try inviting someone in. But I’m 27, and feel “over the hill,” especially as someone with virtually zero real romantic experience. I definitely don’t want my first kiss to be at the alter, but at the same time I’m conflicted on how the heck to feel comfortable with the idea of gasp having sex outside of marriage. I don’t even know when it would feel “okay.” Is six months into a relationship decently enough? Is that too long to find out if we’re incompatible? I was taught nothing so I’m feeling lost. And it’s hard to keep suppressing my forced tendency of “even holding a man’s hand is cheating on your future husband!”
Most of my prayers now are an endless cycle of “please forgive me, I’m sorry, I don’t know why I don’t feel like praying but I promise I still love You.” I feel awful saying this because I know it’s not true but I do feel unloved sometimes. Like I feel like I’m annoying Jesus somehow when I babble on about whatever thing I’m distraught about. But if I go through the default prayer order of Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and THEN finally Supplication, it feels insincere. I don’t want to speed through worshipful prayers just to get to the part I really feel like doing, begging for some sort of help. But I feel almost obligated to essentially suck up to God first before saying what I really mean. That doesn’t feel like a real honest relationship to me and it’s a rut I’ve been desperate to get out of.
Every January 1st and every birthday, for probably the past good 5 or 6 years, I’ve started a “One Year Bible” plan that I always end up abandoning after like 10 days. I just can’t stick to it. It’s not even strictly Genesis-Revelation order. It sprinkles in some chapters from the Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs every day, and each day takes maybe 15 minutes max to do. But somehow I always miss a day, then never catch up, saying I’ll try again the next “landmark day,” January 1st or my birthday, whichever comes next. I don’t know why I can’t love reading scripture. I want to so badly, but I don’t crave it unless I’ve had a nightmare and I need something to calm me down. It’s not a daily desire for me and I wish it was.
This post was a little all over the place, but I guess what I’m trying to ask is how do I cope with the loss of who I thought I was? How do I get comfortable with who I am now? I’m horrified at how long I subscribed to my parents’ beliefs without questioning anything. I just adopted any and everything I was told, and it created a clueless, confused adult.
2024.05.16 05:36 Th35h4d0w Got ideas for the last two bosses.
As the title says, the surface region has two more bosses for the two unreleased zones. I got ideas for 'em.
So, Chronos mentions that his fellow Titan brethren are still in pieces, scattered throughout Tartarus. But you know which one definitely isn't? Atlas. Someone's got to hold the heavens up, right?
My concept is: he's no longer imprisoned because enemies have constructed pillars to hold the sky for him. And in one version of the myth of Perseus, Percy turns Atlas to stone via Medusa's head (personally questioned its validity, since I don't think the head is supposed to work on immortals, but whatever). As such, Atlas will appear with stony skin and will be invulnerable. What you have to do instead is destroy the pillars, and Atlas will be defeated by being forced to bear the weight of the heavens again (until the next time you reach him, ofc). Course, the "big strong guy" boss may be taken by Polyphemus, already.
Then for Olympus, if Chronos himself isn't heading there, what bigger threat to face than Typhon, the father of monsters himself? Basically described as the Greek kaiju, having 100 heads and serpentine features and whatnot, you can get wild with his design. For the boss, idk, destroy each head or something.
Looking forward to the last two regions!
submitted by Th35h4d0w to HadesTheGame [link] [comments]
So, Chronos mentions that his fellow Titan brethren are still in pieces, scattered throughout Tartarus. But you know which one definitely isn't? Atlas. Someone's got to hold the heavens up, right?
My concept is: he's no longer imprisoned because enemies have constructed pillars to hold the sky for him. And in one version of the myth of Perseus, Percy turns Atlas to stone via Medusa's head (personally questioned its validity, since I don't think the head is supposed to work on immortals, but whatever). As such, Atlas will appear with stony skin and will be invulnerable. What you have to do instead is destroy the pillars, and Atlas will be defeated by being forced to bear the weight of the heavens again (until the next time you reach him, ofc). Course, the "big strong guy" boss may be taken by Polyphemus, already.
Then for Olympus, if Chronos himself isn't heading there, what bigger threat to face than Typhon, the father of monsters himself? Basically described as the Greek kaiju, having 100 heads and serpentine features and whatnot, you can get wild with his design. For the boss, idk, destroy each head or something.
Looking forward to the last two regions!
2024.05.16 05:02 Silent-Detail4419 If you knew your adult child was being abused, you'd help them - wouldn't you...? Especially when you know that child is a DV survivor with PTSD
 | If you answered "yes" you're better than my parents. I don't know where to go for help anymore. Yesterday was my birthday and, no, I'm hardly in the first flush of youth anymore, but I'm not quite middle aged either. But why should my age matter when I am a human being, I am suffering and I need help...? submitted by Silent-Detail4419 to MentalHealthUK [link] [comments] Please forgive me if this is muddled, I'm so weak from malnutrition now I can't think straight. I have sent my parents - more accurately, my mother - several emails documenting the abuse I'm being subjected to in a 'supported' flat in Bristol. She hasn't responded to a single one. I don't know why I was put here, I was never assessed under ether the Care Act nor the MCA. Most of the abuse is food-related; I have been informed that I am NOT ALLOWED to buy my own food, the only food I have is what staff deign to give me; I'm given one or two (rarely three) 'meals' a day, usually consisting of cheap deli meat dumped on a 20cm (~8") side plate, like this: Standard plate size This is what I was given for 'dinner' yesterday evening: 'Dinner' 15/05/2024 That was all I was given yesterday. That's pretty much the standard - open a packet, dump it on a plate. Sometimes they take what they'd put on a small plate and put it on a standard dinner plate spread out, to make it look more (they must think I'm fucking stupid). Sometimes I get cooked stuff, but it usually ends up in the bin because they can't cook; steak, bacon and mince are cremated, pork, chips and chicken almost raw. I have photos of every single 'meal' I've been given in an album on my iPad. I'm so malnourished now that eating often causes me severe abdominal pain. I've been here since November last year and I am now suffering from severe malnutrition. I am now so malnourished I am struggling to breathe. I am now so malnourished I have chest pain I am now so malnourished I have abdominal pain (my abdomen is severely swollen and bloated) I am now so malnourished I have global neuropathy and parasthesia I am now so malnourished I am incontinent I am now so malnourished I have poor bowel motility I am now so malnourished I have severe vertigo (I have this constant feeling I’m going to just literally drop dead) I am now so malnourished I am losing my sight I am now so malnourished I struggle to speak I am now so malnourished I struggle to stand I am now so malnourished I struggle to remain awake I am now so malnourished I have severe muscle weakness and pain I am now so malnourished I am struggling with thermoregulation I am now so malnourished I have severe brain fog I am now so malnourished I am losing my hair, toe-and-fingernails I am now so malnourished I am underweight (I don't know this for certain, of course, but a size 4 is now MASSIVE) It also appears to have increased the severity of my tinnitus and hyperacusis (pathological hypersensitivity to noise). They constantly creep around outside the flat front door and the creaking of the floorboards does my head it; it's almost 24/7, they don't stop at night - I constantly think someone's going to barge in. Even on the nights when they’re not keeping me awake I’m too terrified to sleep in case I don’t wake up again. They claim they “care” about me, but the Care Act only seems to apply when it suits them - it certainly doesn’t apply when it comes to food. How can you give anyone ‘meals’ like these in good conscience…?! How is this anything other than nutritional neglect…?! Due to the Mental Capacity Act, I have no voice, nobody has to listen to me, and nobody is taking this seriously (adult safeguarding in both Bucks and Bristol refuse to believe that I’m being abused and neglected). My advocate won’t treat this as a life-threatening emergency situation and she’s “taking legal advice” (not heard from her for weeks). I spent a very long time compiling a report in Pages which I converted to a PDF and sent to her, she doesn’t even appear to have read it. There's a 100dB alarm attached to the flat front door: The door alarm and its sensor I have removed several of these (they're cheap Chinese tat, you can get a pack of 10 for around £12-£14). I don’t feel safe, there is ZERO respect for my human rights; there’s a lock on the flat door but, if I lock it, they just break in. If I tell them I don’t like them doing something (like creeping around outside the flat because the creaking of the floorboards doesn’t make me feel safe because I constantly think someone’s about to barge in - or to not give me chips (because they’re always undercooked; or mince, bacon and steak (because it’s always cremated)) they just ignore me, there’s no respect for my needs, wishes or feelings AT ALL! I have been severely assaulted by staff many times; they will barge into the bedroom (often at least 4 or more) and if I attempt to stop them (they start searching the room, I have no idea what they’re looking for). The other evening, around 20:00, 6 staff burst into the bedroom in full ‘riot gear’ (face masks, face shields, aprons and gloves), as you’d imagine I was TERRIFIED (I’d got my headphones on, so I didn’t hear them enter the flat). Two of them grabbed me; I went into ‘auto-defence mode’ and tried to get them off me. I was pushed against the wall so violently I bashed my head; one of them grabbed my hair and squashed my face into the wall, with his full weight on the small of my back so I couldn’t breathe. The other twisted my arms behind my back, while the other four searched the room, like police on a drugs bust. I have no idea what they were looking for. When the other four had left, the two who were holding me threw me with full force onto the floor and I whacked my head against the bedside table. This isn’t the first time I’ve been assaulted by staff, either (nor the second or the third…); I have been dragged into the living room and held on the floor, prone, with one or two of them sitting on my back so I’m unable lift my head. “We don’t like having to do this, but you bring it on yourself; if you did exactly as you are being told, then we’d have no reason to hurt you…” Everything is arranged to protect staff from me - there’s NOTHING to protect ME from staff. What threat am I…?! I’m severely malnourished and severely underweight. They KNOW I have PTSD (because I have told them many times) - if someone suddenly bursts into what’s supposed to be your home - what’s your reaction going to be…? Especially if you’re living with severe trauma. Basically, they seem to think they can get away with the abuse because they can just claim they were “acting in self-defence” (which is laughable because I am severely weak and about 7 stone (44kg)). I now feel old - older than I actually am - and I don’t think that I’m EVER going to have any semblance of a meaningful existence, I may as well be dead. I’m mainlining Kratom (in a vain attempt to deal with the pain (both physical and mental). They have taken my phone, and damaged my iPad and MacBook Pro. I don’t have any access to medical care because I have been informed by staff that I wouldn’t be allowed to see a GP or paramedic in private. Staff gaslight me constantly and, due to the MCA, I’m essentially gagged, NOBODY is listening to me. There’s been ZERO consideration given to my physical, mental and emotional health and wellbeing, there’s ZERO empathy, everything is out of my control and I have been put in a situation where I am being so severely abused that I fear for my life. I honestly think that nobody will believe how grave this situation is until I’m brought out of here in a body bag. At no point was I ever assessed; at no point was I ever asked what help and support I thought I needed (NONE). All this has happened on assumption, on what is known in social psychology as fundamental attribution error (FAE). Fundamental attribution error is a cognitive bias where observers underemphasise situational and environmental factors for someone’s behaviour while overemphasising dispositional or personality factors. I have ended up in a - very literally - life-threatening situation, because the assumptions have been made that I CANNOT look after myself because I don’t know how to, rather than I can’t because I am suffering from severe trauma. I need very, VERY, urgent help. Where can I go…? Is there anyone here who can help me access help, because I don't think I'm being listened to due to the MCA/DoLS. I’ve basically been locked away, stripped of my human rights, abandoned and left to die… (This has been cobbled together from stuff I'd already had written in Notes, so I apologise if it doesn't make sense, but my brain isn't working). Is there anyone here with any knowledge and/or experience of this kind of situation..? Neither my social worker, nor my solicitor will listen to me, they'll only take instruction from the Court of Protection (the ironically named CoP, I don't feel protected, quite the opposite). I don't mind DMs, but PLEASE only DM if you can offer me some kind of help/support (or know where I can go). This is basically nothing more than legal, state-sanctioned domestic abuse. Finally, if there's a bettemore appropriate sub than here, I can post to, let me know that too... Thank you SJ |
2024.05.16 04:44 RunEmergency8379 Best AI Face Swap, AI Influencer creation
Hey guys and gals,
I need some help. I have been relentlessly learning AI training, and a total noob at it. Do not come from a technical background. I am a female influencer and truly interested in being online AI type influencer.
I'm into fitness, lifestyle, marketing, business and want to share pics of me online and possibly make money by talking to subs, etc.
goal - create AI influencer type videos, content, pictures etc and while this is completely legal.
My main issue is not being able to fully face swap or deep fake my face using AI models. I think the idea is genius..just having some roadblocks in finding the right solution.
(Due to family and friends... and business relationships, I do not want to use my face for these accounts. I could do faceless, masked content but realized that this might hinder popularity.. people like facial association.)
Any videos or preferences on apps that I could use? Hopefully it can create a realistic version of just with another face. Most likely another face but similar to me by body, face features or type.
I want to attach the face onto my body pictures and promote this on social media. I dont mind using my own voice. I dont mind creating videos, short clips and such.
I tried some online options but I havent found the right face swapping and using tools
Ok to use a paid or free app I just don't want to install a gazillion apps, learn coding or something.
Willing to learn the steps to replicate the process and understand how to do this... but don't want to write code, create any sort of python scripting in order to do this.
If you have found the right video, successfully accomplished this or know the right instructions, shoot me a message or comment here. thanks!
submitted by RunEmergency8379 to faceswap [link] [comments]
I need some help. I have been relentlessly learning AI training, and a total noob at it. Do not come from a technical background. I am a female influencer and truly interested in being online AI type influencer.
I'm into fitness, lifestyle, marketing, business and want to share pics of me online and possibly make money by talking to subs, etc.
goal - create AI influencer type videos, content, pictures etc and while this is completely legal.
My main issue is not being able to fully face swap or deep fake my face using AI models. I think the idea is genius..just having some roadblocks in finding the right solution.
(Due to family and friends... and business relationships, I do not want to use my face for these accounts. I could do faceless, masked content but realized that this might hinder popularity.. people like facial association.)
Any videos or preferences on apps that I could use? Hopefully it can create a realistic version of just with another face. Most likely another face but similar to me by body, face features or type.
I want to attach the face onto my body pictures and promote this on social media. I dont mind using my own voice. I dont mind creating videos, short clips and such.
I tried some online options but I havent found the right face swapping and using tools
Ok to use a paid or free app I just don't want to install a gazillion apps, learn coding or something.
Willing to learn the steps to replicate the process and understand how to do this... but don't want to write code, create any sort of python scripting in order to do this.
If you have found the right video, successfully accomplished this or know the right instructions, shoot me a message or comment here. thanks!
2024.05.16 04:44 Legitimate_Animal796 Sharpening/ blurring photos
 | Thanks to u/Evilmice_ for the idea of converting a string of rgb values into a set. This uses a simple method of blurring. Just averaging 3x3 neighboring pixels. And doing that a few iterations. Then subtracts the final blurred photo from the first blurred photo. This is an unsharp mask. submitted by Legitimate_Animal796 to desmos [link] [comments] |
2024.05.16 04:23 criwanku please give me advice
i’ve struggled with my sleep since i was a child i’ve heard all the stories from my parents about how awful i was as a child because i wouldn’t sleep and in my teenage years i spent my nights awake but would atleast be able to sleep during the day or the day after but now i’m going days without sleeping, regularly experiencing hallucinations and passing out , i’m loosing days of my memory , and it’s getting dangerous , the other day i was sat on the end of my bed and could smell that my candle had went out but got confused because i had no memory of lighting the candle and as i grabbed my phone i noticed a day had gone by and i had no idea . every time i’ve spoken to a doctor they don’t want to take me seriously i’ve been given multiple different antidepressants to try help my depression thinking that may be the reason and they never work , ive been given anti anxiety medication to try help that never works , i tried high strength melatonin and all that did was when i finally slept made my nightmares worst , i was even given diazepam and that didn’t do anything and the doctors have just given up and throw a course of zoplicone at me every other month when it gets seriously bad and not even those help . it’s really too much now and i don’t know how much more i can take of this . i’m sorry for rambling i was just wondering if anyone has been in a similar position and has any advice < 3 (i’ve also tried non medical things such as good sleep hygiene eg no screens eating n going to bed at a certain time and exercise and routine but none of that works , for a little bit awhile ago audio books and a weighted sleeping mask helped but that’s stopped working now )
submitted by criwanku to insomnia [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 04:21 NamoAmitabha_ In the Era of Fear I Comfort them with Great Love
In the Era of Fear I Comfort them with Great Love
Anita Moorjani was cured from cancer not because of a certain medicine, vaccine or chemotherapy. She was cured because of this Great Love. Anita Moorjani is a forty years old woman who is simple and honest. She was born in India, grew up in Singapore and was English educated. Later she went to Hong Kong. She knows Tamil, English and Cantonese. In 2002 the doctor said that she was down with cancer lymphoma or the blood cell tumor. After four years, in 2006 seventy percent of her body is covered with the cancerous cells. She stayed in the hospital, suffering terribly because of this illness. Later the doctor pronounced her death. After three days she woke up and was cured miraculously. This is truly inconceivable when she woke up from her death. In her mind she was very sure she was cured already. No treatment was needed. But she was very weak. She could not even talk. The doctor was surprised of her condition and again they carried out a checking on her body and found that she was free from all symptoms of cancer. In her mind she knew she was already cured. In her mind there was a great transformation that she personally experienced. And all the cells on her body were transformed into healthy cells. Later she wrote a book entitles: After dying once I finally learn to love’ By looking at this title, it coincides with Master Shan Dao’s teaching on the one with deep faith in the dharma. He said, ‘Standing here is waiting to die. Going forward is also death. Turning back, I too cannot escape from death.’ This can be found in the ‘Analogy of two rivers and one white lane’ the three sure deaths. If we have died once, we will truly give ourselves up. This is the same as the Pure Land teaching that we have to admit we are the sinful mundane man. We lose all hope as we have no ways to leave the triple realm. In cultivation we need to really undergo a total death in order to really practise the path. The zen cultivator says this is known as undergoing great death and great living. Otherwise, no real cultivation can be expected because most of us are very arrogant, very self-centred, without much changes in our stubborn mindset. That is why she said after dying once only she managed to learn how to love. In the Pure Land door this is known as having deep faith. Such a man will surely have faith in Amitabha’s 48 vows to gather in living beings without any doubts and suspicion. By relying on the strength of the Buddha’s Vows we will surely attain a rebirth. This is living in the great love of Namo Amitabha Buddha. We receive the love of Amitabha Buddha. Only then we can have the genuine love and we are able to learn to love. If we do not feel the love of Amitabha Buddha, we will not know how to love. Our love will be frightening as it is an attachment, a desire to control, to possess others. Such a love is impure, it is a threat to us. If we are not careful it might turn into hatred. Such is a frightful kind of love. If we learn from Amitabha Buddha, the love is pure, without condition and transparent. This is truly loving a person. It is not easy to learn this. We look at the couples around us. So many got married and end up in divorce. How about those who do not get a divorce? Yes, they spend the whole life fighting！The truly loving couples are as few as the stars in the broad day light. So, learning to love is our homework for the whole life. It is not easy. Today I would like to discuss this passage with you. After reading her writing I feel most shameful as what the author has said is very true in accord with her experience. Even though I have left home for more than twenty years, receiving the teaching of the Buddha, the guidance of the patriarch, the exhortation of my Master, the help of my lotus friends and all, I still feel I am lacking in genuine practice and virtues. On the contrary this lady has not met with the Buddha Dharma. She has such an awakening after dying once, it is truly a gain for her. She said, ‘After my body stopped functioning, I entered into another world.’ She was so seriously ill that her heart, her liver and everything stopped functioning. This is to show there is a world after death. She said, ‘I saw myself as a very wonderful person. This is because I was not terrorised until I had a change in shape.’ ‘I felt there was this vibrant energy around me and I was able to enter it. I realise if a man can see his wonderful existence, he must be the happiest man.’ Most of us like to complain about our imperfect existence. We often think thus, ‘I do not have enough money. I am not healthy. I am not pretty. I do not have enough clothing ….’ Here we must learn to see the good points in us, to appreciate the value of our existence. A woman who can say like this is truly very calm in mind. A man who always complains about himself will not be able to live happily each day. So, without knowing the love of Amitabha for us, we will be a great complainer. We complain about no money, we complain about our look, our wrinkles and so on and so forth. What kind of life will this be with so many complaints? She said, ‘I found that there was this power surrounding me.’ When we pass away, we will no longer be using our eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body and mind to observe. Instead, we will be awakened to our innate Buddha. She felt she is surrounded by this vibrant field of energy and she is also this energy. What kind of power is this? It is a kind of energy. It is always in the universe or the dharma realm in the Buddhist terms. In fact, this is Amitabha Buddha. This is the strength of the Buddha Nature. She uses her Buddha Nature to experience the Buddha Nature. It exists forever. It is neither born nor become extinct. If the Buddha enters the world or does not enter the world, it is always there without changing. Of course, she does not use these Buddhist terms. She said, ‘When I give up the attachment to the mundane world, I enter another world effortlessly. It is unnecessary to pray, to recite a sutra or to give a dharma talk. It is unnecessary to seek forgiveness, repentance or other methods.’ ‘Death gives me the feeling that I do not need to do anything. It is just as though I am telling someone I am coming to the end. I cannot do anything anymore. I give up. Whatever you want to do I will just accept.’ I feel that this passage is very near in meaning to the Pure Land’s view. It means when we die, we have just to let go as nothing can be done anymore. Most people die in torment as there are many attachments in this world. They are worried about their children, money and work. Some people find it difficult to die. So, from here we must learn to let go when it is our turn to leave the world. Moreover, we have the promise from Amitabha Buddha who will come to receive us in accord with the strength of his vows. It is much easier for us. This lady just let go and she entered another world. Her state should be quite high too. I will explain below. I feel that she had arrived at the border of the Pure Land. Her state of an awakened mind showed that she was not in the heaven. She seemed to be enlightened to the Buddha nature and non -existence of a self. She experienced the light of enlightenment and returned to life, to lead a life of love. So, in our practice we are told to let go of all attachment and to wish for a rebirth in the Pure Land relying on Amitabha’s strength of vows. So from here we can see it is very easy to be born in the World of Ultimate Bliss. She said it is unnecessary to recite a sutra, a dharma or seeking for forgiveness. She enters the other world naturally when she simply gives up herself. I remember once I went with my Master to console a dying man. I was very touched by my Master’s words. He said kindly to the man who is on the verge of death, ‘So and so, now we will recite Namo Amitabha Buddha. If you can recite, then recite together. If you can’t, just lay down and relax. It is ok if you just listen to our recitation.’ Are not these words very comforting? The dying man will feel very safe and relax. But if you were to say, ‘So and so, this is the last chance. Bring out all your strength to face death. If you can recite then recite together. If you cannot recite, you must try also!’ On listening to this threat, the sick man is stressed out. He will die instantly as he has no strength to join in recitation. The Master who with his great love understands the rescue of Amitabha Buddha is a natural process that he is able to say in such a comforting way. No condition is needed. There is no threat nor fright in his words. A man who threatens people is not calm as he must be frightened too in his mind. That is why what he says will frighten people, giving stress to others. If we are loving in our mind, our words will only bring love, peace and calm to others. People will feel our love for them. So, this lady says it is unnecessary to read or recite any prayer or seeking forgiveness. This is because the wavelength of her mind is on a par with the great love of the universe. She naturally enters it. Namo Amitabha Buddha is a dharma that requires no seeking or pleading. It is a dharma of rescue without condition. When we recite Namo Amitabha Buddha, the wavelength of our mind is the same as Amitabha Buddha. So, we will attain a rebirth naturally. Many of us who do not understand the kindness of Amitabha Buddha will seek a rebirth by pleading to the Buddha every day. His mind is unsettled and frightened that he might be left out. This is because he does not understand when he recites the Buddha’s name, the wavelength of his mind is in the same frequency with Amitabha Buddha’s mind and vows. Then people will ask, ‘Do we still go to recite the Buddha’s Name for the dying man?’ ‘Yes, of course.’ This is because the dying man has yet to understand this point. When we recite for him, he will be safe in the shine of Namo Amitabha Buddha. This is a method which is bestowed upon us to save us with this Name in accord with the strength of the Buddha’s vows. When she says to somebody, this refers to Amitabha Buddha. She says she cannot do anything anymore and she gives up. She gives herself up to the Buddha. So, when we die do not try to fight with death and refuse to die. We must just admit we are the offender and we need the help of Amitabha Buddha to take us, to rescue us. Namo is to admit we take refuge in the Buddha, we surrender ourselves. When we cultivate this door, we must not add in our ideas. We must just let Amitabha Buddha to decide for us. This is because Amitabha has the power of great vow, the extensive great strength of the Buddha Nature, the strength of immeasurable light, the strength of immeasurable lifespan. We just have to give up all planning. He will plan for us. So, when we recite the Name of the Buddha, just recite without thinking of doing this or that trying so hard to reach a certain acceptable standard. These are all unnecessary. This type of thinking is the habit of the sagely path cultivators. When we sit on the plane, just sit there. The plane will bring you to your destiny. It is unnecessary for you to help the plane to fly. Amitabha Buddha the pilot does not need you to fly the plane. If he needs your help then he is not known as Amitabha Buddha. Anita said, ‘In the other world, I found that my mind is very clear and bright. I realise by myself that I will only die out of the fear and terror in my mind.’ These words are very true. Clarity of mind means her mind is pure. In this world our mind is turbid, dark and deluded. That is why are enveloped in all kinds of worries and terror. But once we arrive at the Pure Land, we will naturally be pure and bright. This is because the land is pure and is enveloped in bright illumination. She said she naturally know she will be cured. This knowing ability is possessed by us originally. No learning is needed because our Buddha nature is originally pure and bright. In the Saha world our ability is being covered up by afflictions. But when we arrive at the World of Ultimate Bliss, we will naturally possess this ability. This ability reappears relying on the strength of Vows of Amitabha Buddha. When we arrive at the Pure Land, we will naturally possess the ability to make offerings to the Buddha. On hearing one sentence we are enlightened to the millions. Our mind is opened up to the thousands of million Dharanis. Everyone of us have this innate ability. And Amitabha Buddha’s strength of Vows enhances its opening. In this Saha World our innate nature is all covered up and cannot function. In the world of ultimate bliss, by relying on Amitabha Buddha’s strength of great vows, our innate ability is open up. So they are not contradicting. ‘I naturally know the source of the thought that I will die. The source is I was frightened. If there is no fear, there is no death.’ In actuality there is no death. It is only our fear of death that this illusion comes froth. In Buddha dharma we should know death itself is an illusion. Time is also an illusion. That is why the Buddha speaks all the Sutra in this manner, ‘Thus have I heard, at one time the Buddha was…..’ No specific time is stated. Now the physics has proven its illusory. As time is an illusion, it does not exist. Let me give you an example of what is meant by death. It is as if we are driving a car into a tunnel. The shape of the tunnel resembles that of a tomb. And we keep on driving into it. We say we are entering the tomb, that we are going to die soon. We are threatened as the entrance represents death. We continue on our journey in the tunnel and later leave the tunnel, again travelling on our way to another destiny. The entrance of the tunnel, the funeral wreath looks like the tomb. For us, death is a terrible idea that we are fearful of it. We do not know life is a continuity and there is no death. It is our wrong concept that there is this section of birth and death. No one can do anything about it until they personally realise it. ‘I am unable to live out my real self as I have too much worried.’ Most of us live in this world wearing a mask. If everyone of us is free to show our real self this is the most beautiful side of a self. Why cannot we live the way we should live? It is because we are always burdened with worries. We are worried we are not good enough. We are worried that our parents will scold us. We are worried our teacher will get angry and criticize us. We are worried about losing face. We only live for others. We lose our life away trying to accord to others’ expectation. We lose the light of a happy life. Our life is controlled by all these worrisome thoughts. But if we truly recite the Buddha’s Name, our mind will be at ease. Amitabha Buddha takes away our worries by replacing them with Namo Amitabha Buddha. We will realise all these worries and views are not important and we will gradually pay no attention to them. Our true life is Buddha recitation. That is our real identity. Our mind will be at ease as we will pay no attention to those unreal things, words and ideas. Our worries only arise when we care too much about the mundane matters. The author has not learnt about Buddhism. This is her experience in death. What she has written is very personal, true experience, not something that we learn from a book. Her experience gives her an awakening to the reality of life and she lives out her life in this awakening. I saw her video and I feel she is an enlightened person. An enlightened person may not be replete with spiritual penetration. But she will reveal her love in her daily living. She is calm at ease and without any sense of fear in her mind. She leads her life in a genuine way. She said, ‘I know that cancer is not a punishment neither is it a retribution. Cancer is my energy capacity which reveals itself on my body. Because of my fear I am unable to reveal the beautiful self in me. And this is the job which should be carried out by me. I know that cancer is not a punishment which is forced on me. It is not an external force of retribution.’ This is what we often do when certain things happen, we will try to find an excuse or put the blame on reward or retribution. We treat the misfortune with anger and hatred. We often have this tendency to catogorise every happening in accord with the cause or reason. In Buddhism we talk about cause and effect. As she is not a Buddhist she says, ‘Cancer appears as a result of a change in my energy capacity. This energy shows itself in the form of cancer.’ This is because she lives in fear and worries. She does not live out her real happy self. So if we the Buddha recitation cultivators are able to reveal the bright side of life, to live without worries, there will be no more cancer for us. This is her understanding about life. That is why I have often said, ‘Lead a life of a mundane man and recite the Buddha’s Name sincerely.’ We should lead a life of Amitabha Buddha. Our life will be full of light and blessings. And we will become more loving. Finally we will lead a comfortable life and people around us will be comfortable also. This itself is the propagation of the dharma of love. Otherwise, if we cannot live a loving life, there is no point talking about anything as they will be useless. Anita said, ‘In that state which is vast and limitless, I found that I am too strict with myself. I keep on whipping myself.’ Can we feel the existence of being vast and limitless? No. We are often limited by our surrounding. As she had entered the limitless vastness, she is able to know her whole life. She knows her fault is being too strict with herself. In fact, most of us are very strict with ourselves, demanding ourselves to be like this or that. She said, ‘No one is punishing me. The person whom I cannot forgive is I myself. I have abandoned myself. I do not love myself. This matter is none of others’ business.’ No one from outside comes to punish us. It is we who punish ourselves. We cannot forgive our selves. We add on a lot of unnecessary locks and chains on ourselves. What is more for us the Buddha reciters? If we recite the Buddha’s name and on the other hand, we add on ourselves lots of locks and chains whence Amitabha Buddha is trying to unlock us, isn’t this a most pitiful situation?’ She said that she had abandoned herself. It means we throw ourselves away and become a lone ranger, an isolated person living a life of sadness, a live without love. Look at a baby. Her eyes are clear as the baby is a simple being, just like a simple puppies or baby cat. The baby can play with chickens, puppis as she does not give rise to diffentiation. Not everyone of us is like Anita. But every one of us can recite the Buddha’s name. When we recite the Buddha’s name, we will be calm. Amitabha Buddha said, ‘In the world of fear I comfort them with great love.’ It is because all the worries are gone when we accomplish Buddhahood at the Pure Land. We will not be so worried about our poverty, health problem, ugliness, stupidity, inability to recite a sutra, a mantra. All these are unimportant as finally I will become a Buddha in the Buddha Land. We will be more humorous. For example, if we are ugly we will use it as a joke. It does not matter at all. Because all the external states are not you. The real self, our real life is the Buddha’s Name. It is our true identity. It will bring ease to our mind. A baby is pure. But as it grows up, it starts to abandon himself. A baby resembles a glass of pure water. When he grows up, his greed starts to accumulate when he wants a toy, a book, good results, money, benefits, fame women and so on. All these are placed in the glass of water. Everything is a piece of mud that we put in out glass. The more we put into the glass, the more the water will flow out. This water is the genuine self. We abandon the true self, chase it out with our greed. We fill ourselves with all the rubbish. The genuine blessings and bliss are chased away. We lead an opaque life without transparency. Our life become a glass of muddy water and we live in great torment. The more we obtain, the more we lose ourselves. That is why the Buddha is truly kind. He and his disciples lead a life of a beggar. When you have nothing, you will be happy and relax. The mind retains its purity. Human beings are deluded as they think to possess a wife, children, a house, a car are called blessings. A man who truly loves himself does not love money, sex, fame, food, sleep. These five desires are the knives that will cut us into pieces and bring on great sufferings. Anita said, ‘I realise I am the child of the beautiful universe. As long as I exist, I will obtain this unconditional love.’ This is very good. I would like to make the following changes, ‘I realize that I am the son of the adorned Amitabha Buddha.’ In Buddhism we use adorned to replace the word beautiful. The universe is this Amitabha Buddha. In the Sutra we are told Amitabha Buddha is the Treasury Body of the Dharma Realm. Amitabha Buddha exists in the whole of the Dharma Realm. Of course, there are also the reward body and transformation bodies beside the dharma body. Amitabha Buddha is the immeasurable wisdom and lifespan. Anita says that the universal energy is abundant and inexhaustible, vast and without limits. This is the existence of the Buddha Nature. She says as long as she exists, she will surely obtain the unconditional love. I often also say, ‘No conditions are required for us to receive the love and rescue of Amitabha Buddha.’ Let us take the analogy of a tree. As long as it exists, it will receive the sunlight. No other condition is needed. So it is the same for the house and everything on earth. Amitabha Buddha’s Name is also known as the Light that Far-surpassing the Sun and Moon. Amitabha Buddha’s light pervasively illumines all the living beings and things in the world. As long as we exist, we will receive the light of the Buddha, the protection of his loving kindness and rescue. It is unnecessary for us to become somebody so as to receive the unconditional rescue of Amitabha Buddha. Our Master Hui Jing also wrote a book on the ‘Unconditional Rescue of the Buddha.’ Some people cannot believe. He says, ‘If this is the case everyone will commit evils.’ Such a thinking is negative and full of fear as his mind is dwelling in darkness. He is afraid that the world will go upside down. He cannot understand that as long as there is the existence, may they be a cat, a dog, a hell being, they will be taken care of by Amitabha Buddha. The only condition is they exist. This reminds me of the words of Great Master Tan Luan, ‘The future scholars who hear about the rescue of the Buddha, the rescue that relies on other’s strength, he should give rise to faith. Do not refuse such a chance. It is being stupid.’ Do not think that you should do this and that to obtain the rescue? Amitabha Buddha did not ask you to do anything. He says, ‘Living beings in the ten directions who have faith in me.’ It means they exist and the Buddha will be there to save them. Buddha recitation is not a condition. It is just a method of saving. Anita says, ‘I do not have to do anything to obtain this love.’ Just like a blade of grass in the water. Does it need to do anything to obtain water? It is unnecessary. As long as it exists, it is surrounded by the water. As long as we exist, we are surrounded by the love of Amitabha Buddha. We do not need to do anything to obtain this love and care. Once we know this, we will be fearless and calm at ease. This is the same as the sunlight which shine on the mountain and also the valley. In our life no matter what level we are we will receive the illumination of Amitabha Buddha. Anita says, ‘No prayer, no seeking is needed.’ Amitabha’s rescue is there always. As long as we recite, we will be saved by him. Amitabha Buddha says, ‘All living beings in the ten directions who call on me will be saved by me. You only have to say out my name.’ You say you are dumb and cannot call the name. Such a man who understands the rescue of Buddha will also be saved even if he cannot pronounce the Name. But if you are unwilling, you are creating an obstacle for yourself. That is why our dharma door is known as the ‘The Dharma is taught without being asked.’, the ‘Befriend us without being asked’. As long as we trust him, he will come personally to take us to his Pure Land. On hearing that nothing is needed to be done, some will be confused. They want to do something, to clean the altar, to change the water, to offer some fruits and incense, to sit in meditation and so on. They think this will help them to attain a rebirth. They have to do something. They do not realise what they need to do is to reveal the beautiful self, to lead the adorned life and let themselves become the love. As long as we sit there and lead a loving life we are in accord with the love of the Buddha Amitabha. When the sun is shining, you say, ‘It is good. A shiny day.’ When it is raining, you say, ‘Very good. It is raining now.’ When it snows, you say, ‘Good, I love snow.’ This way of living is to add the positive loving energy to this universe. You are spreading the pure and harmony energy to the universe. In the Buddha Dharma it is known as the lights shine on one another. The whole universe will receive the positive energy of your loving and harmonious mind. So, what you need to do is to recite Namo Amitabha Budda loudly, softly, silently. All will be ok. If we live this way, Amitabha Buddha will be most happy to see us. It is just like a child who is sleeping in the cradle. Doing nothing. What do you think? Will the mother be happy to see him like that? Yes, of course. She will be very glad with him just sleeping there. Nothing has to be done. A child in the arms of his mother is the revelation of total trust. And this is the same for us to be in the arms of Amitabha Buddha. We just relax and trust him. We will lead a happy life. And this is the genuine way of living in accord with the love of oneself. More often than not we lead a life with worries, fear, twisted emotions and trying to cover up our faults. Our adorned life cannot be revealed. Everyday, we live in fear and worries. This is adding chains and locks to ourselves. Anita says, ‘I have never truly loved myself before. I have never valued my existence. I have never seen the adorned soul in me.’ She uses soul to describe herself. In the Buddha Dharma this refers to the beauty and adorned Buddha Nature. She said, ‘I am so beautiful yet I have never realised it. It is replaced with the hard facts of mundane existence. I decay because I do not understand my beautiful soul.’ In the Buddha Dharma it is described as all living beings are originally the Buddha. Yet we do not live, in accord with our Buddha Nature. We are often controlled by our mundane existence, the salary, the examination results and such like. We forget of our Buddha Nature. We lead a life of decay, a life of erosion. This is the General path of Buddhism. From the angle of Buddha Recitation, the rescue of Amitabha is always with us, only that we do not realise it. We try all kinds of methods hoping for the Buddha to rescue us. We do not know that we just have to admit we are the mundane men who are covered with offences. There is no other way to save ourselves if we do not rely on Amitabha Buddha. Then we let go and recite the Buddha’s Name wholeheartedly. This is the way to be saved by the Buddha. But most people cannot understand this. They want to do something good, to be pretentious and make out something good of himself, to scold people for their lacking in virtues and such like. This is against the practise of this pure land door. Why cannot the people in the world see their pretention? It is because they are also not living a true life. Their eyes are not clear enough to see through this pretention. A fake man sees something fake and he will treat it as genuine. A clear -headed man will surely be able to see through all these false masks. If we were to wear a false mask for too long it will be difficult to remove it. It has grown on to our skin. It will be painful if we want to remove this fake mask. So it takes time for us to loosen this false mask as we have been wearing them for too long. Anita says, ‘This understanding makes me realise that I do not have to be frightened anymore.’ There is no more fear in her mind. It is a mind of calm and bliss. It is a mind which is full of hope. It is a comforting mind that can soothe others. With this calm and happy mind it is already a contribution to all around us. It is already a protection and mindfulness to all around us. We do not have to do anything at all. Most of us live in fear. We pay for insurance because we are afraid when we get old, we have no money, no money to pay the medical fees. We get married out of fear that we will be lonely. Why do we give birth to children? We are afraid no one will take care of us at old age. Why do we go to school? It is because we are afraid of our mother’s anger. Why must we study hard? We are afraid of our teacher. Why do we go to university? We are afraid people will look down on us. Can we live without fear? We cannot. Even our mother who loves us so much say we will suffer if we do not study hard. From our young age we receive the education of fear. We are threatened by our beloved parents, our responsible teachers. We do not receive the education of love. So, if we love our children, do not add fear to them. We must give only love and courage so that they can face life with their original positive energy, positive strength. This is because the world is full of twisted people, fake people, suffering people. There are very few upright men, genuine men, happy and hopeful men around. I only hope all of you my lotus friends will bring up a future generation who is upright, genuine, happy and hopeful with the strength of Amitabha Buddha. So, we must lead a life based on the right values taught by Amitabha Buddha. If we teach our child to fight for self -benefit, to contend with others, we are making them blind so that they do not see the truth of life. This is harming them. If we are enlightened to this, we will only rely on Amitabha Buddha. We are not afraid to be lonely. We will be at ease. Those who see the light, the warmth of the Buddha will no longer be frightened. Anita says, ‘I realise this is a state that can be reached by myself and everyone.’ In Zen sect it is said all living beings are Buddha. In the Buddha recitation door, everyone can recite the Name, everyone can attain a rebirth and everyone can accomplish Buddhahood. This is the bestowment by Amitabha Buddha. All the things that we fight for may not be beneficial to us. Everything that benefits us are often free. For example, the air we take in every instant is free. We do not pay to stand on the earth. We do not pay to look at the sky above. Whatever we fight and earn to get are valueless. Everything that is valuable is free. In the general practice it is said, ‘No cultivation is the cultivation. Nothing is obtainable. This is the state of a bodhisattva. The original face of all dharma often dwells in the mark of still extinction. Our Buddha Nature is replete with all merits and virtues. We cannot cultivate anything to enhance it. This is because all the things that we can do are only dreams, illusion, bubbles and shadow. Whatever that we do, that we create are not in accord with our Buddha Nature. The Buddha Nature is always there, original and shining out naturally. And in our Pure Land Dharma, whatever we have offered, whatever we have done are not the causes for our attainment of a rebirth. Attaining a rebirth is the state of nothing doing. It stays apart from creation or doing. It is a natural state. Reciting Namo Amitabha Buddha helps us to return to this state. Anita said, ‘So I decided to return to the mundane world.’ She has enlightened to the opportunity of life and she decided to come back to tell us about life. Just like many Pure Land cultivators who say that they will not come back any more to sufferings. Yet when they arrive at the Pure Land and brings forth the Bodhi mind, they will come back by themselves to help other beings. Anita said, ‘When I was on the verge of death, I realised the universe comes forth from unconditional love. I am one of the revelations of this love in my present form.’ For the scientists they will say the universe is made from electron, protons, neutrons and so on. This is talking only at the surface level, the materials. But as she talked from her true experienc,e she can see all the things, all the people are the expression of this universal love. When she comes back from death, she deeply penetrates the genuine love the mother universe and her wavelength is in accord with the universal love. She comes back as a healthy woman. So once there is a change in our mind set, the body, the people and the surroundings will also change. In the eyes of Buddha and Bodhisattva there is no differentiation of filth and purity. Everything is pure and adorned in its own expression. Every one of us is the art piece of this unconditional love or in the Buddha’s words, the Buddha Nature. She said, ‘I cannot change into another form as it is my original expression, original nature of this unconditional love.’ Everything that exists is the expression of the Buddha Nature. Even something which is defiled or unwholesome is also part of the expression of this unconditional everlasting love. That is why the Buddha says, ‘All the Dharma from the original state dwells constantly in still extinction.’ Still extinction refers to Nirvana the state of the Buddha. So, when we recite the Buddha’s Name we will enter the Buddha’s dwelling. ‘The energy capacity of the strength of life forms derives from love. And I am made from the universal energy capacity. On knowing this, I realise I do not need to become somebody else. And my true value will not be depreciated too.’ Anita said, So, it is unnecessary for us to become another man. A business man does not need to become Jack Ma. Why is this so? It is because you are equal to him. He is not higher than you. He has the Buddha Nature and you also have the Buddha Nature. Every one is equal. So we do not need to measure in terms of money especially if we truly know the benefits of Buddha recitation. In the eyes of the Buddha every one of us is a shining star. We do not need to chase after another star. Just imagine the havoc it will be when the stars do not dwell in its orbit and try to chase after another star. What a chaos the universe will become. Everyone of our existence is in perfect conditions in the eyes of the Buddha and Bodhisattva. ‘This is the I that I have always wanted to be.’ she said. We must learn to appreciate ourselves, accept ourselves and love ourselves. This ‘I’ is invaluable under the unconditional love of the Rescue of Amitabha Buddha. We are his precious sons, the pearls on his hand. If we are accepted by the Buddha, we will be so happy as we will have no complaint about ourselves. We are often surrounded by people who keep on complaining about us. The first one is our mother who says that we are not clever, we have low marks. We are not filial. We earn too little. See how our mother teaches us not to appreciate ourselves. Then we are blamed by our teacher, our classmates, our girl -friend and so on. Then comes Amitabha Buddha who studies us and says, ‘Put aside all the complaints. You are qualified to attain Buddhahood. No problem at all. I give you 100 percent.’ That is why we Buddha Recitation Practitioners are always at ease under the shine of Amitabha Buddha who give us the confirmation. This is the greatest benefits the Buddha bestows upon us. Buddhism brings hope and bliss to the world, the universe. So, in this life’s time we must try our best to lead a life of Amitabha Buddha. Do not be swayed by the mundane values, mundane eyes, mundane perspective. We rely only on the outlook of the Buddha and Bodhisattva. ‘Once we know that we are this love, it is unnecessary to purposely go forth to shower love on others. As long as we are faithful to our original nature, we will automatically become the tools of love, touching the hearts of everyone who have affinity with us.’ This part of her speech is very good. If we are already the lamp, there is no need for us to go out purposely to shine on others. The lamp just stands at its place and it manages to brighten up the place. So, when we are the LOVE, we will naturally touch those around us with our love. Take a look at our Master Hui Jing. He sits there quietly and yet every one of us are calm and happy naturally. So when we become the love, wherever we are, all will feel calm at ease, without any fear. Anita said, ‘The most important thing I have learnt is I am the Love itself. All my fears are gone. This is the reason I come into life again.’ Amitabha Buddha said, ‘I will transform all the fear into great calmness, great serenity’ When We recite His Name we are charged with his love. We also become the love. We will leave behind all fear. ‘My dear, you will always be loved. You do not need to harbour any fear. There is no way for you to commit any errors.’ Always think about these three sentences. There is the light of truth in it. This is spoken by a non -Buddhist who was on the verge of her death and who lives again. How about us the Buddha Recitation Practitioners? Can we deny the love of Amitabha Buddha, His unconditional love of rescue? From this story we know the unconditional love of rescue of the Buddha pervasively surrounds us. We must have faith in this and lead a life of joy with no more fear. Nowadays, everyone lives in fear. We must learn to replete ourselves with love and bring this shine to others, to lead them out of fear. Love yourself and love others. Namo Amitabha Buddha. A dharma talk by Dharma Master Shi Jing Zong, the Abbot of the Hong Yuan Monastery in Anhui, China entitled: Dying Once to Learn to Love Link: https://oridharma.wordpress.com/2020/05/16/in-the-era-of-fear-i-comfort-them-with-great-love/
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Anita Moorjani was cured from cancer not because of a certain medicine, vaccine or chemotherapy. She was cured because of this Great Love. Anita Moorjani is a forty years old woman who is simple and honest. She was born in India, grew up in Singapore and was English educated. Later she went to Hong Kong. She knows Tamil, English and Cantonese. In 2002 the doctor said that she was down with cancer lymphoma or the blood cell tumor. After four years, in 2006 seventy percent of her body is covered with the cancerous cells. She stayed in the hospital, suffering terribly because of this illness. Later the doctor pronounced her death. After three days she woke up and was cured miraculously. This is truly inconceivable when she woke up from her death. In her mind she was very sure she was cured already. No treatment was needed. But she was very weak. She could not even talk. The doctor was surprised of her condition and again they carried out a checking on her body and found that she was free from all symptoms of cancer. In her mind she knew she was already cured. In her mind there was a great transformation that she personally experienced. And all the cells on her body were transformed into healthy cells. Later she wrote a book entitles: After dying once I finally learn to love’ By looking at this title, it coincides with Master Shan Dao’s teaching on the one with deep faith in the dharma. He said, ‘Standing here is waiting to die. Going forward is also death. Turning back, I too cannot escape from death.’ This can be found in the ‘Analogy of two rivers and one white lane’ the three sure deaths. If we have died once, we will truly give ourselves up. This is the same as the Pure Land teaching that we have to admit we are the sinful mundane man. We lose all hope as we have no ways to leave the triple realm. In cultivation we need to really undergo a total death in order to really practise the path. The zen cultivator says this is known as undergoing great death and great living. Otherwise, no real cultivation can be expected because most of us are very arrogant, very self-centred, without much changes in our stubborn mindset. That is why she said after dying once only she managed to learn how to love. In the Pure Land door this is known as having deep faith. Such a man will surely have faith in Amitabha’s 48 vows to gather in living beings without any doubts and suspicion. By relying on the strength of the Buddha’s Vows we will surely attain a rebirth. This is living in the great love of Namo Amitabha Buddha. We receive the love of Amitabha Buddha. Only then we can have the genuine love and we are able to learn to love. If we do not feel the love of Amitabha Buddha, we will not know how to love. Our love will be frightening as it is an attachment, a desire to control, to possess others. Such a love is impure, it is a threat to us. If we are not careful it might turn into hatred. Such is a frightful kind of love. If we learn from Amitabha Buddha, the love is pure, without condition and transparent. This is truly loving a person. It is not easy to learn this. We look at the couples around us. So many got married and end up in divorce. How about those who do not get a divorce? Yes, they spend the whole life fighting！The truly loving couples are as few as the stars in the broad day light. So, learning to love is our homework for the whole life. It is not easy. Today I would like to discuss this passage with you. After reading her writing I feel most shameful as what the author has said is very true in accord with her experience. Even though I have left home for more than twenty years, receiving the teaching of the Buddha, the guidance of the patriarch, the exhortation of my Master, the help of my lotus friends and all, I still feel I am lacking in genuine practice and virtues. On the contrary this lady has not met with the Buddha Dharma. She has such an awakening after dying once, it is truly a gain for her. She said, ‘After my body stopped functioning, I entered into another world.’ She was so seriously ill that her heart, her liver and everything stopped functioning. This is to show there is a world after death. She said, ‘I saw myself as a very wonderful person. This is because I was not terrorised until I had a change in shape.’ ‘I felt there was this vibrant energy around me and I was able to enter it. I realise if a man can see his wonderful existence, he must be the happiest man.’ Most of us like to complain about our imperfect existence. We often think thus, ‘I do not have enough money. I am not healthy. I am not pretty. I do not have enough clothing ….’ Here we must learn to see the good points in us, to appreciate the value of our existence. A woman who can say like this is truly very calm in mind. A man who always complains about himself will not be able to live happily each day. So, without knowing the love of Amitabha for us, we will be a great complainer. We complain about no money, we complain about our look, our wrinkles and so on and so forth. What kind of life will this be with so many complaints? She said, ‘I found that there was this power surrounding me.’ When we pass away, we will no longer be using our eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body and mind to observe. Instead, we will be awakened to our innate Buddha. She felt she is surrounded by this vibrant field of energy and she is also this energy. What kind of power is this? It is a kind of energy. It is always in the universe or the dharma realm in the Buddhist terms. In fact, this is Amitabha Buddha. This is the strength of the Buddha Nature. She uses her Buddha Nature to experience the Buddha Nature. It exists forever. It is neither born nor become extinct. If the Buddha enters the world or does not enter the world, it is always there without changing. Of course, she does not use these Buddhist terms. She said, ‘When I give up the attachment to the mundane world, I enter another world effortlessly. It is unnecessary to pray, to recite a sutra or to give a dharma talk. It is unnecessary to seek forgiveness, repentance or other methods.’ ‘Death gives me the feeling that I do not need to do anything. It is just as though I am telling someone I am coming to the end. I cannot do anything anymore. I give up. Whatever you want to do I will just accept.’ I feel that this passage is very near in meaning to the Pure Land’s view. It means when we die, we have just to let go as nothing can be done anymore. Most people die in torment as there are many attachments in this world. They are worried about their children, money and work. Some people find it difficult to die. So, from here we must learn to let go when it is our turn to leave the world. Moreover, we have the promise from Amitabha Buddha who will come to receive us in accord with the strength of his vows. It is much easier for us. This lady just let go and she entered another world. Her state should be quite high too. I will explain below. I feel that she had arrived at the border of the Pure Land. Her state of an awakened mind showed that she was not in the heaven. She seemed to be enlightened to the Buddha nature and non -existence of a self. She experienced the light of enlightenment and returned to life, to lead a life of love. So, in our practice we are told to let go of all attachment and to wish for a rebirth in the Pure Land relying on Amitabha’s strength of vows. So from here we can see it is very easy to be born in the World of Ultimate Bliss. She said it is unnecessary to recite a sutra, a dharma or seeking for forgiveness. She enters the other world naturally when she simply gives up herself. I remember once I went with my Master to console a dying man. I was very touched by my Master’s words. He said kindly to the man who is on the verge of death, ‘So and so, now we will recite Namo Amitabha Buddha. If you can recite, then recite together. If you can’t, just lay down and relax. It is ok if you just listen to our recitation.’ Are not these words very comforting? The dying man will feel very safe and relax. But if you were to say, ‘So and so, this is the last chance. Bring out all your strength to face death. If you can recite then recite together. If you cannot recite, you must try also!’ On listening to this threat, the sick man is stressed out. He will die instantly as he has no strength to join in recitation. The Master who with his great love understands the rescue of Amitabha Buddha is a natural process that he is able to say in such a comforting way. No condition is needed. There is no threat nor fright in his words. A man who threatens people is not calm as he must be frightened too in his mind. That is why what he says will frighten people, giving stress to others. If we are loving in our mind, our words will only bring love, peace and calm to others. People will feel our love for them. So, this lady says it is unnecessary to read or recite any prayer or seeking forgiveness. This is because the wavelength of her mind is on a par with the great love of the universe. She naturally enters it. Namo Amitabha Buddha is a dharma that requires no seeking or pleading. It is a dharma of rescue without condition. When we recite Namo Amitabha Buddha, the wavelength of our mind is the same as Amitabha Buddha. So, we will attain a rebirth naturally. Many of us who do not understand the kindness of Amitabha Buddha will seek a rebirth by pleading to the Buddha every day. His mind is unsettled and frightened that he might be left out. This is because he does not understand when he recites the Buddha’s name, the wavelength of his mind is in the same frequency with Amitabha Buddha’s mind and vows. Then people will ask, ‘Do we still go to recite the Buddha’s Name for the dying man?’ ‘Yes, of course.’ This is because the dying man has yet to understand this point. When we recite for him, he will be safe in the shine of Namo Amitabha Buddha. This is a method which is bestowed upon us to save us with this Name in accord with the strength of the Buddha’s vows. When she says to somebody, this refers to Amitabha Buddha. She says she cannot do anything anymore and she gives up. She gives herself up to the Buddha. So, when we die do not try to fight with death and refuse to die. We must just admit we are the offender and we need the help of Amitabha Buddha to take us, to rescue us. Namo is to admit we take refuge in the Buddha, we surrender ourselves. When we cultivate this door, we must not add in our ideas. We must just let Amitabha Buddha to decide for us. This is because Amitabha has the power of great vow, the extensive great strength of the Buddha Nature, the strength of immeasurable light, the strength of immeasurable lifespan. We just have to give up all planning. He will plan for us. So, when we recite the Name of the Buddha, just recite without thinking of doing this or that trying so hard to reach a certain acceptable standard. These are all unnecessary. This type of thinking is the habit of the sagely path cultivators. When we sit on the plane, just sit there. The plane will bring you to your destiny. It is unnecessary for you to help the plane to fly. Amitabha Buddha the pilot does not need you to fly the plane. If he needs your help then he is not known as Amitabha Buddha. Anita said, ‘In the other world, I found that my mind is very clear and bright. I realise by myself that I will only die out of the fear and terror in my mind.’ These words are very true. Clarity of mind means her mind is pure. In this world our mind is turbid, dark and deluded. That is why are enveloped in all kinds of worries and terror. But once we arrive at the Pure Land, we will naturally be pure and bright. This is because the land is pure and is enveloped in bright illumination. She said she naturally know she will be cured. This knowing ability is possessed by us originally. No learning is needed because our Buddha nature is originally pure and bright. In the Saha world our ability is being covered up by afflictions. But when we arrive at the World of Ultimate Bliss, we will naturally possess this ability. This ability reappears relying on the strength of Vows of Amitabha Buddha. When we arrive at the Pure Land, we will naturally possess the ability to make offerings to the Buddha. On hearing one sentence we are enlightened to the millions. Our mind is opened up to the thousands of million Dharanis. Everyone of us have this innate ability. And Amitabha Buddha’s strength of Vows enhances its opening. In this Saha World our innate nature is all covered up and cannot function. In the world of ultimate bliss, by relying on Amitabha Buddha’s strength of great vows, our innate ability is open up. So they are not contradicting. ‘I naturally know the source of the thought that I will die. The source is I was frightened. If there is no fear, there is no death.’ In actuality there is no death. It is only our fear of death that this illusion comes froth. In Buddha dharma we should know death itself is an illusion. Time is also an illusion. That is why the Buddha speaks all the Sutra in this manner, ‘Thus have I heard, at one time the Buddha was…..’ No specific time is stated. Now the physics has proven its illusory. As time is an illusion, it does not exist. Let me give you an example of what is meant by death. It is as if we are driving a car into a tunnel. The shape of the tunnel resembles that of a tomb. And we keep on driving into it. We say we are entering the tomb, that we are going to die soon. We are threatened as the entrance represents death. We continue on our journey in the tunnel and later leave the tunnel, again travelling on our way to another destiny. The entrance of the tunnel, the funeral wreath looks like the tomb. For us, death is a terrible idea that we are fearful of it. We do not know life is a continuity and there is no death. It is our wrong concept that there is this section of birth and death. No one can do anything about it until they personally realise it. ‘I am unable to live out my real self as I have too much worried.’ Most of us live in this world wearing a mask. If everyone of us is free to show our real self this is the most beautiful side of a self. Why cannot we live the way we should live? It is because we are always burdened with worries. We are worried we are not good enough. We are worried that our parents will scold us. We are worried our teacher will get angry and criticize us. We are worried about losing face. We only live for others. We lose our life away trying to accord to others’ expectation. We lose the light of a happy life. Our life is controlled by all these worrisome thoughts. But if we truly recite the Buddha’s Name, our mind will be at ease. Amitabha Buddha takes away our worries by replacing them with Namo Amitabha Buddha. We will realise all these worries and views are not important and we will gradually pay no attention to them. Our true life is Buddha recitation. That is our real identity. Our mind will be at ease as we will pay no attention to those unreal things, words and ideas. Our worries only arise when we care too much about the mundane matters. The author has not learnt about Buddhism. This is her experience in death. What she has written is very personal, true experience, not something that we learn from a book. Her experience gives her an awakening to the reality of life and she lives out her life in this awakening. I saw her video and I feel she is an enlightened person. An enlightened person may not be replete with spiritual penetration. But she will reveal her love in her daily living. She is calm at ease and without any sense of fear in her mind. She leads her life in a genuine way. She said, ‘I know that cancer is not a punishment neither is it a retribution. Cancer is my energy capacity which reveals itself on my body. Because of my fear I am unable to reveal the beautiful self in me. And this is the job which should be carried out by me. I know that cancer is not a punishment which is forced on me. It is not an external force of retribution.’ This is what we often do when certain things happen, we will try to find an excuse or put the blame on reward or retribution. We treat the misfortune with anger and hatred. We often have this tendency to catogorise every happening in accord with the cause or reason. In Buddhism we talk about cause and effect. As she is not a Buddhist she says, ‘Cancer appears as a result of a change in my energy capacity. This energy shows itself in the form of cancer.’ This is because she lives in fear and worries. She does not live out her real happy self. So if we the Buddha recitation cultivators are able to reveal the bright side of life, to live without worries, there will be no more cancer for us. This is her understanding about life. That is why I have often said, ‘Lead a life of a mundane man and recite the Buddha’s Name sincerely.’ We should lead a life of Amitabha Buddha. Our life will be full of light and blessings. And we will become more loving. Finally we will lead a comfortable life and people around us will be comfortable also. This itself is the propagation of the dharma of love. Otherwise, if we cannot live a loving life, there is no point talking about anything as they will be useless. Anita said, ‘In that state which is vast and limitless, I found that I am too strict with myself. I keep on whipping myself.’ Can we feel the existence of being vast and limitless? No. We are often limited by our surrounding. As she had entered the limitless vastness, she is able to know her whole life. She knows her fault is being too strict with herself. In fact, most of us are very strict with ourselves, demanding ourselves to be like this or that. She said, ‘No one is punishing me. The person whom I cannot forgive is I myself. I have abandoned myself. I do not love myself. This matter is none of others’ business.’ No one from outside comes to punish us. It is we who punish ourselves. We cannot forgive our selves. We add on a lot of unnecessary locks and chains on ourselves. What is more for us the Buddha reciters? If we recite the Buddha’s name and on the other hand, we add on ourselves lots of locks and chains whence Amitabha Buddha is trying to unlock us, isn’t this a most pitiful situation?’ She said that she had abandoned herself. It means we throw ourselves away and become a lone ranger, an isolated person living a life of sadness, a live without love. Look at a baby. Her eyes are clear as the baby is a simple being, just like a simple puppies or baby cat. The baby can play with chickens, puppis as she does not give rise to diffentiation. Not everyone of us is like Anita. But every one of us can recite the Buddha’s name. When we recite the Buddha’s name, we will be calm. Amitabha Buddha said, ‘In the world of fear I comfort them with great love.’ It is because all the worries are gone when we accomplish Buddhahood at the Pure Land. We will not be so worried about our poverty, health problem, ugliness, stupidity, inability to recite a sutra, a mantra. All these are unimportant as finally I will become a Buddha in the Buddha Land. We will be more humorous. For example, if we are ugly we will use it as a joke. It does not matter at all. Because all the external states are not you. The real self, our real life is the Buddha’s Name. It is our true identity. It will bring ease to our mind. A baby is pure. But as it grows up, it starts to abandon himself. A baby resembles a glass of pure water. When he grows up, his greed starts to accumulate when he wants a toy, a book, good results, money, benefits, fame women and so on. All these are placed in the glass of water. Everything is a piece of mud that we put in out glass. The more we put into the glass, the more the water will flow out. This water is the genuine self. We abandon the true self, chase it out with our greed. We fill ourselves with all the rubbish. The genuine blessings and bliss are chased away. We lead an opaque life without transparency. Our life become a glass of muddy water and we live in great torment. The more we obtain, the more we lose ourselves. That is why the Buddha is truly kind. He and his disciples lead a life of a beggar. When you have nothing, you will be happy and relax. The mind retains its purity. Human beings are deluded as they think to possess a wife, children, a house, a car are called blessings. A man who truly loves himself does not love money, sex, fame, food, sleep. These five desires are the knives that will cut us into pieces and bring on great sufferings. Anita said, ‘I realise I am the child of the beautiful universe. As long as I exist, I will obtain this unconditional love.’ This is very good. I would like to make the following changes, ‘I realize that I am the son of the adorned Amitabha Buddha.’ In Buddhism we use adorned to replace the word beautiful. The universe is this Amitabha Buddha. In the Sutra we are told Amitabha Buddha is the Treasury Body of the Dharma Realm. Amitabha Buddha exists in the whole of the Dharma Realm. Of course, there are also the reward body and transformation bodies beside the dharma body. Amitabha Buddha is the immeasurable wisdom and lifespan. Anita says that the universal energy is abundant and inexhaustible, vast and without limits. This is the existence of the Buddha Nature. She says as long as she exists, she will surely obtain the unconditional love. I often also say, ‘No conditions are required for us to receive the love and rescue of Amitabha Buddha.’ Let us take the analogy of a tree. As long as it exists, it will receive the sunlight. No other condition is needed. So it is the same for the house and everything on earth. Amitabha Buddha’s Name is also known as the Light that Far-surpassing the Sun and Moon. Amitabha Buddha’s light pervasively illumines all the living beings and things in the world. As long as we exist, we will receive the light of the Buddha, the protection of his loving kindness and rescue. It is unnecessary for us to become somebody so as to receive the unconditional rescue of Amitabha Buddha. Our Master Hui Jing also wrote a book on the ‘Unconditional Rescue of the Buddha.’ Some people cannot believe. He says, ‘If this is the case everyone will commit evils.’ Such a thinking is negative and full of fear as his mind is dwelling in darkness. He is afraid that the world will go upside down. He cannot understand that as long as there is the existence, may they be a cat, a dog, a hell being, they will be taken care of by Amitabha Buddha. The only condition is they exist. This reminds me of the words of Great Master Tan Luan, ‘The future scholars who hear about the rescue of the Buddha, the rescue that relies on other’s strength, he should give rise to faith. Do not refuse such a chance. It is being stupid.’ Do not think that you should do this and that to obtain the rescue? Amitabha Buddha did not ask you to do anything. He says, ‘Living beings in the ten directions who have faith in me.’ It means they exist and the Buddha will be there to save them. Buddha recitation is not a condition. It is just a method of saving. Anita says, ‘I do not have to do anything to obtain this love.’ Just like a blade of grass in the water. Does it need to do anything to obtain water? It is unnecessary. As long as it exists, it is surrounded by the water. As long as we exist, we are surrounded by the love of Amitabha Buddha. We do not need to do anything to obtain this love and care. Once we know this, we will be fearless and calm at ease. This is the same as the sunlight which shine on the mountain and also the valley. In our life no matter what level we are we will receive the illumination of Amitabha Buddha. Anita says, ‘No prayer, no seeking is needed.’ Amitabha’s rescue is there always. As long as we recite, we will be saved by him. Amitabha Buddha says, ‘All living beings in the ten directions who call on me will be saved by me. You only have to say out my name.’ You say you are dumb and cannot call the name. Such a man who understands the rescue of Buddha will also be saved even if he cannot pronounce the Name. But if you are unwilling, you are creating an obstacle for yourself. That is why our dharma door is known as the ‘The Dharma is taught without being asked.’, the ‘Befriend us without being asked’. As long as we trust him, he will come personally to take us to his Pure Land. On hearing that nothing is needed to be done, some will be confused. They want to do something, to clean the altar, to change the water, to offer some fruits and incense, to sit in meditation and so on. They think this will help them to attain a rebirth. They have to do something. They do not realise what they need to do is to reveal the beautiful self, to lead the adorned life and let themselves become the love. As long as we sit there and lead a loving life we are in accord with the love of the Buddha Amitabha. When the sun is shining, you say, ‘It is good. A shiny day.’ When it is raining, you say, ‘Very good. It is raining now.’ When it snows, you say, ‘Good, I love snow.’ This way of living is to add the positive loving energy to this universe. You are spreading the pure and harmony energy to the universe. In the Buddha Dharma it is known as the lights shine on one another. The whole universe will receive the positive energy of your loving and harmonious mind. So, what you need to do is to recite Namo Amitabha Budda loudly, softly, silently. All will be ok. If we live this way, Amitabha Buddha will be most happy to see us. It is just like a child who is sleeping in the cradle. Doing nothing. What do you think? Will the mother be happy to see him like that? Yes, of course. She will be very glad with him just sleeping there. Nothing has to be done. A child in the arms of his mother is the revelation of total trust. And this is the same for us to be in the arms of Amitabha Buddha. We just relax and trust him. We will lead a happy life. And this is the genuine way of living in accord with the love of oneself. More often than not we lead a life with worries, fear, twisted emotions and trying to cover up our faults. Our adorned life cannot be revealed. Everyday, we live in fear and worries. This is adding chains and locks to ourselves. Anita says, ‘I have never truly loved myself before. I have never valued my existence. I have never seen the adorned soul in me.’ She uses soul to describe herself. In the Buddha Dharma this refers to the beauty and adorned Buddha Nature. She said, ‘I am so beautiful yet I have never realised it. It is replaced with the hard facts of mundane existence. I decay because I do not understand my beautiful soul.’ In the Buddha Dharma it is described as all living beings are originally the Buddha. Yet we do not live, in accord with our Buddha Nature. We are often controlled by our mundane existence, the salary, the examination results and such like. We forget of our Buddha Nature. We lead a life of decay, a life of erosion. This is the General path of Buddhism. From the angle of Buddha Recitation, the rescue of Amitabha is always with us, only that we do not realise it. We try all kinds of methods hoping for the Buddha to rescue us. We do not know that we just have to admit we are the mundane men who are covered with offences. There is no other way to save ourselves if we do not rely on Amitabha Buddha. Then we let go and recite the Buddha’s Name wholeheartedly. This is the way to be saved by the Buddha. But most people cannot understand this. They want to do something good, to be pretentious and make out something good of himself, to scold people for their lacking in virtues and such like. This is against the practise of this pure land door. Why cannot the people in the world see their pretention? It is because they are also not living a true life. Their eyes are not clear enough to see through this pretention. A fake man sees something fake and he will treat it as genuine. A clear -headed man will surely be able to see through all these false masks. If we were to wear a false mask for too long it will be difficult to remove it. It has grown on to our skin. It will be painful if we want to remove this fake mask. So it takes time for us to loosen this false mask as we have been wearing them for too long. Anita says, ‘This understanding makes me realise that I do not have to be frightened anymore.’ There is no more fear in her mind. It is a mind of calm and bliss. It is a mind which is full of hope. It is a comforting mind that can soothe others. With this calm and happy mind it is already a contribution to all around us. It is already a protection and mindfulness to all around us. We do not have to do anything at all. Most of us live in fear. We pay for insurance because we are afraid when we get old, we have no money, no money to pay the medical fees. We get married out of fear that we will be lonely. Why do we give birth to children? We are afraid no one will take care of us at old age. Why do we go to school? It is because we are afraid of our mother’s anger. Why must we study hard? We are afraid of our teacher. Why do we go to university? We are afraid people will look down on us. Can we live without fear? We cannot. Even our mother who loves us so much say we will suffer if we do not study hard. From our young age we receive the education of fear. We are threatened by our beloved parents, our responsible teachers. We do not receive the education of love. So, if we love our children, do not add fear to them. We must give only love and courage so that they can face life with their original positive energy, positive strength. This is because the world is full of twisted people, fake people, suffering people. There are very few upright men, genuine men, happy and hopeful men around. I only hope all of you my lotus friends will bring up a future generation who is upright, genuine, happy and hopeful with the strength of Amitabha Buddha. So, we must lead a life based on the right values taught by Amitabha Buddha. If we teach our child to fight for self -benefit, to contend with others, we are making them blind so that they do not see the truth of life. This is harming them. If we are enlightened to this, we will only rely on Amitabha Buddha. We are not afraid to be lonely. We will be at ease. Those who see the light, the warmth of the Buddha will no longer be frightened. Anita says, ‘I realise this is a state that can be reached by myself and everyone.’ In Zen sect it is said all living beings are Buddha. In the Buddha recitation door, everyone can recite the Name, everyone can attain a rebirth and everyone can accomplish Buddhahood. This is the bestowment by Amitabha Buddha. All the things that we fight for may not be beneficial to us. Everything that benefits us are often free. For example, the air we take in every instant is free. We do not pay to stand on the earth. We do not pay to look at the sky above. Whatever we fight and earn to get are valueless. Everything that is valuable is free. In the general practice it is said, ‘No cultivation is the cultivation. Nothing is obtainable. This is the state of a bodhisattva. The original face of all dharma often dwells in the mark of still extinction. Our Buddha Nature is replete with all merits and virtues. We cannot cultivate anything to enhance it. This is because all the things that we can do are only dreams, illusion, bubbles and shadow. Whatever that we do, that we create are not in accord with our Buddha Nature. The Buddha Nature is always there, original and shining out naturally. And in our Pure Land Dharma, whatever we have offered, whatever we have done are not the causes for our attainment of a rebirth. Attaining a rebirth is the state of nothing doing. It stays apart from creation or doing. It is a natural state. Reciting Namo Amitabha Buddha helps us to return to this state. Anita said, ‘So I decided to return to the mundane world.’ She has enlightened to the opportunity of life and she decided to come back to tell us about life. Just like many Pure Land cultivators who say that they will not come back any more to sufferings. Yet when they arrive at the Pure Land and brings forth the Bodhi mind, they will come back by themselves to help other beings. Anita said, ‘When I was on the verge of death, I realised the universe comes forth from unconditional love. I am one of the revelations of this love in my present form.’ For the scientists they will say the universe is made from electron, protons, neutrons and so on. This is talking only at the surface level, the materials. But as she talked from her true experienc,e she can see all the things, all the people are the expression of this universal love. When she comes back from death, she deeply penetrates the genuine love the mother universe and her wavelength is in accord with the universal love. She comes back as a healthy woman. So once there is a change in our mind set, the body, the people and the surroundings will also change. In the eyes of Buddha and Bodhisattva there is no differentiation of filth and purity. Everything is pure and adorned in its own expression. Every one of us is the art piece of this unconditional love or in the Buddha’s words, the Buddha Nature. She said, ‘I cannot change into another form as it is my original expression, original nature of this unconditional love.’ Everything that exists is the expression of the Buddha Nature. Even something which is defiled or unwholesome is also part of the expression of this unconditional everlasting love. That is why the Buddha says, ‘All the Dharma from the original state dwells constantly in still extinction.’ Still extinction refers to Nirvana the state of the Buddha. So, when we recite the Buddha’s Name we will enter the Buddha’s dwelling. ‘The energy capacity of the strength of life forms derives from love. And I am made from the universal energy capacity. On knowing this, I realise I do not need to become somebody else. And my true value will not be depreciated too.’ Anita said, So, it is unnecessary for us to become another man. A business man does not need to become Jack Ma. Why is this so? It is because you are equal to him. He is not higher than you. He has the Buddha Nature and you also have the Buddha Nature. Every one is equal. So we do not need to measure in terms of money especially if we truly know the benefits of Buddha recitation. In the eyes of the Buddha every one of us is a shining star. We do not need to chase after another star. Just imagine the havoc it will be when the stars do not dwell in its orbit and try to chase after another star. What a chaos the universe will become. Everyone of our existence is in perfect conditions in the eyes of the Buddha and Bodhisattva. ‘This is the I that I have always wanted to be.’ she said. We must learn to appreciate ourselves, accept ourselves and love ourselves. This ‘I’ is invaluable under the unconditional love of the Rescue of Amitabha Buddha. We are his precious sons, the pearls on his hand. If we are accepted by the Buddha, we will be so happy as we will have no complaint about ourselves. We are often surrounded by people who keep on complaining about us. The first one is our mother who says that we are not clever, we have low marks. We are not filial. We earn too little. See how our mother teaches us not to appreciate ourselves. Then we are blamed by our teacher, our classmates, our girl -friend and so on. Then comes Amitabha Buddha who studies us and says, ‘Put aside all the complaints. You are qualified to attain Buddhahood. No problem at all. I give you 100 percent.’ That is why we Buddha Recitation Practitioners are always at ease under the shine of Amitabha Buddha who give us the confirmation. This is the greatest benefits the Buddha bestows upon us. Buddhism brings hope and bliss to the world, the universe. So, in this life’s time we must try our best to lead a life of Amitabha Buddha. Do not be swayed by the mundane values, mundane eyes, mundane perspective. We rely only on the outlook of the Buddha and Bodhisattva. ‘Once we know that we are this love, it is unnecessary to purposely go forth to shower love on others. As long as we are faithful to our original nature, we will automatically become the tools of love, touching the hearts of everyone who have affinity with us.’ This part of her speech is very good. If we are already the lamp, there is no need for us to go out purposely to shine on others. The lamp just stands at its place and it manages to brighten up the place. So, when we are the LOVE, we will naturally touch those around us with our love. Take a look at our Master Hui Jing. He sits there quietly and yet every one of us are calm and happy naturally. So when we become the love, wherever we are, all will feel calm at ease, without any fear. Anita said, ‘The most important thing I have learnt is I am the Love itself. All my fears are gone. This is the reason I come into life again.’ Amitabha Buddha said, ‘I will transform all the fear into great calmness, great serenity’ When We recite His Name we are charged with his love. We also become the love. We will leave behind all fear. ‘My dear, you will always be loved. You do not need to harbour any fear. There is no way for you to commit any errors.’ Always think about these three sentences. There is the light of truth in it. This is spoken by a non -Buddhist who was on the verge of her death and who lives again. How about us the Buddha Recitation Practitioners? Can we deny the love of Amitabha Buddha, His unconditional love of rescue? From this story we know the unconditional love of rescue of the Buddha pervasively surrounds us. We must have faith in this and lead a life of joy with no more fear. Nowadays, everyone lives in fear. We must learn to replete ourselves with love and bring this shine to others, to lead them out of fear. Love yourself and love others. Namo Amitabha Buddha. A dharma talk by Dharma Master Shi Jing Zong, the Abbot of the Hong Yuan Monastery in Anhui, China entitled: Dying Once to Learn to Love Link: https://oridharma.wordpress.com/2020/05/16/in-the-era-of-fear-i-comfort-them-with-great-love/