Now, as you may know Nintendo series like Mario and Kirby got TV shows, now this has me wondering, what if Miitopia got a TV show, so for that, I have some ideas for it, so I felt like sharing it with you. So the fan of the games can easily understand the plot. Although most episodes will focus on the cast and their goal to save Miitopia, I'll hope include some episodes that'll help character grow and develop. Character cast: Now my idea for a cast is that I'll follow one of Miitopia's best features, being able to put in any character in the story, now I'll only have one original character, being the protagonist, other that that, all other characters would've already exist, now due to copyright, I'll only cast Nintendo characters to fill the roles , I'll also might include some Pokemon characters since Gamefreak is close to Nintendo and some celebrities [Like youtubers, voice actors, etc] here and there, so if you don't like it my casting or think the Pokemon characters will lead to copyright, you can type your own cast down below. So let the madness and fun begin. The cast: Carefree Guide: Mario Cheery Granny: Gardevoir Sassy Child: Goomba Worried Mother: Indeedee Lovely-Dovey Couple: Ash and Serena Sarcastic Guy: Toad Dubious Mayor: Luigi Dark Lord: Louie Roving Photographer: Koopa Quizmaster: Orbeetle Prodigious Postman: Pelipper Roaming Gourmet: Kirby Serious Soldier: Boo Lax Soldier: Monty Mole Royal Supports: Bandana Dee and Escargoon King: King Dedede Princess: Lana Prince from Neksdor: Bulborb Besmirched Noble's Son: Waddle Dee Great Sage: Aphmau Genie: Spike Dancing Guide: Oricorio Rambling Old Man: Jack Black Shady Merchant Family: Toadette and Garos Worried Explorer: Bowser Prickly Couple: Inkling Boy and Girl Desert Celebrity: Chris Pratt Fab Faries: Peach, Daisy and Rosalina Injured Elf: Yellow Pikmin Fab Fairies fans: Regice, Regirock and Registeel Scaredy-Cat: Torracat Green-Eyed Lady: Zelda Lazybones: Ice Pikmin Mischievous Witch: Meowscarada Town Guide: Blue Pikmin Scholary Pioneer: Donkey Kong Dark Curse: Vanillite The Protangonist: Name: Gideon Description: Gideon is a traveling comedian who although laid back, loves to entertain people and make them smile, he went to Miitopia has it heard it was in a bad shape and he thought it meant that Miitopia needed cheering up, although he has a good heart, being laid-back his laziness limits his capabilities where it often leads to him not doing something at his best. After meeting the guardian spirit, he was given the powers of a mage, in Neksdor when Louie sealed away his powers he became a warrior, and in Realm of the Fey when his powers were sealed away again, he became a thief and when his powers were no longer sealed away, he became a wizard once more. Greenhorne Allies: Mallow: Class: Chef Description: Mallow left Alola soon after hearing about the culinary cuisine of Miitopia so she set off to learn the recipes of Miitopia dishes with her family. Sadly soon after reaching Miitopia, she and her family were attacked by the Dark Lord resulting in her family losing their faces and the ambush caused her and her Tsareena to seperate. Now wanting to save them, she wanders around Miitopia look to save her family Steve [Red Pikmin]: Class: Warrior Description: Steve grew up on a long lost land, and is the best knight in his habitat. He left his natural habitat to find a purpose as he felt like his talents were wasting away, so after hearing Miitopia was in danger, he knew what he had to do, he rose to the challenge and set sail for Miitopia. But his main flaw is that he thinks highly of himself and tries to lift super heavy things on his own with little to no success. Nabbit: Class: Theif Description: The infamous thief of the Mushroom Kingdom was able to steal anything and not get caught, so in his hideout, he read of an amulet that grants insane power to control an army, and after turning on the TV, he soon saw the Dark Lord wearing the same amulet, so he set for Miitopia to retrieve the powerful artifact so he can make monsters to steal anything and is capable of reaching high speeds due to his insane energy. Meloetta: Class: Pop Star Description: During her time in Unova, Meloetta was caught by a kind and caring local singer, and soon after, Meloetta and her trainer were the best singers in Unova dropping amazing albums left and right, they came to Miitopia after receiving an invitation to perform a concert but after landing there and got to the meeting spot, it was a trap set by the Dark Lord to use the Mythical's face to make an extremely powerful monster. But her trainer was able to distract him long enough for him to escape, last thing Meloetta saw was the Dark Lord stealing her trainers faces. Being a kind soul, she often tries to stop quarrels and fights and most of the time she's the voice of reason. Neksdor Allies: Olimar: Class: Scientist Description: Olimar and his family set off for Miitopia after hearing it's excellent vacation spots, but soon after landing there, his family's faces were snagged by his coworker Louie, not wanting to be next, he hid until Louie left, and set off to save his family and stop Louie. Purple Pikmin: Name: Purp Class: Cleric Description: On his home town, Purp was a doctor attending to the injured, but after being accused of stealing a patients skeleton, he quickly lost his medical license, so instead of using medicine to heal his patients, he studied in cleric magic to heal his patients way faster, and he set off for Miitopia with his friend Rocky soon after hearing it had lots of injuries. Despite his divine magic his lack of intellect gets in the way leading to dumb scenarios. Ice Cream Sandwich: Class: Imp Description: While in his house, he hears of a land called Miitopia, where it has an animation contest in Neksdor where whoever wins gets a huge cash prize, so he invited his friends, and dog along and soon set off for Miitopia, where during the time he was there, he had a good time, eating snacks, hanging with the boys, messing around. Until after the competition where the winner was about the being announced, the event is quickly interrupted by the Dark Lord where he starts stealing everyone's faces, him, his dog and his friends went to hide in the bathroom since according to his brain, everyone knocks before entering the bathroom, before anyone said something, the Dark Lord busted in and stole his friends' faces and his dog, after checking if the Dark Lord was gone, he swore vengeance, so went around hoping to find people to help him Rock Pikmin: Name: Rocky Class: Cat Description: On Rocky's natural habitat he owned a cat sanctuary, where he helped felines find forever homes and learned how to fight like a cat, so he after hearing about the exclusive cat breeds on Miitopia, he soon set off with his friend Purp but soon after the Dark Lord stole his cat Terry, him and his friend wanted revenge, but just with Purp's healing magic and his feline abilities, it wouldn't be enough, so the set off for heroes to find so they could help them. Throughout the series, Rocky suffers from an extreme lack of IQ so he needs help when it comes to situations that require intellect to solve. And together with Icecreamsandwich and Purp, the three often do dumb stuff together and get into all sorts of trouble. Realm of the Fey Allies: Tsareena: Class: Princess Description: After soon being seperated from Mallow, Tsareena ended up in Realm of the Fey, lost and not knowing where to go, soon she met up with a potion, thirsty and out of options, she drank it where it granted her the magically abilities of royalty. After meeting up with the protagonist she soon set off with him to reunite with Mallow. Lilligant: Class: Flower Description: After stowing away on a cargo ship from Unova to Miitopia, Lilligant started exploring Miitopia and ended up in Realm of the Fey, so after befriending the local elves, she learnt the ways of harnessing the power of nature and really bonded with them, but after hiding when the Dark Lord attacked, she started to leave and set off to retrieve her friends and quickly met up with the protangonist. Having a gentle soul she sees the good in everyone often leading her to spare monsters. Golurk: Class: Tank Description: After hearing about Miitopia's situation, a bunch of Unova scientist got together and turned a Golurk into a weapon of mass destruction and was quickly shipped to Miitopia, after landing there, he started looking for the Dark Lord, and soon got orders from his creators to wait by a local inn to receive some allies to help him. During battle, Golurk will stop at nothing to defeat his opponents, even if it means firing his allies and shooting everywhere to ensure victory. He thinks he doesn't need help and often refuses assistance believing he can be a big shot and do it himself. Other Allies: Litwick: Class: Vampire Description: Litwick was caught by a vampire on vacation in Unova and the two quickly bonded. While in the land of Peculia, Litwick lived a simple life with his trainer in their mansion and his trainer taught Litwick vampire like abilities, until the Darker Lordsent a rat infestation in there, Litwick's trainer told him to get help to stop the rat invasion, soon he quickly met up with the protagonist and quickly asked him for help and after they agreed, they set off and during the journey Litwick quickly bonded with the team and after the rats were defeated, his trainer noticed his bond with the team and told them that if he wanted to go with them he wouldn't stop him, so Litwick quickly joined the party, and during his time in it, he often pulled pranks on his team and during battle, he likes to mix in fun by toying with his opponents and he calls them, his prey. Alchremie: Class: Elf Description: Alchremie lived in Peculia with a baker and together they made sweets for lotsa people. But after the Darker lord stole her trainer's face, she swore revenge, she went off to realm of the Fey to study the ways of elf magic and after learning the elf magic he returned to Peculia to look for her trainer's face soon after seeing the protagonist and his team struggle against a monster with her trainer's face, she went to the rescue and defeated the boss with ease. After her trainer got his face back Alchremie asked him if she could travel with the team to stop the Darker Lord, and her trainer quickly agreed. After this the team notice that Alchremie is a bit cautious, worries about a lot of things and likes to be ready for everything. Episode ideas: Now a lot of the series would be about the team saving Miitopia, but some episodes would be mainly about character growth and stuff like that. Some episode ideas I have: Lilligant the Shy Flower: After a battle with a strong demon, who made Lilligant worried about everything, it wouldn't wear off even in the safe spot, following a montage of the team trying to return her to normal like Mallow cooking her some magic food, Purp, Icecreamsandwich and Rocky pulling a prank on Olimar to cheer her up, Gideon telling a joke to cheer her up, or Steve just downright slapping her and many others, they figured that nothing could work until when the same demon invaded the inn and almost destroyed her team, Lilligant pushed herself and unleashed a hurricane blowing the demon away. Chaotic Tea Time: In the foreground we can see Lilligant and Tsareena having a tea party and chatting, while in the background Gideon and Golurk try to kill a fiend with all sorts of shenanigans, and the episode keeps switching from foreground to background and it ends with Golurk unleashing a powerful laser boosted with some energy cells Gideon has which ended up leveling half the forest.

Hello , I am someone who played the game when it went global (some friends told me to play it) so ive seen multiple designs which looked ... Yeah (old Pam for example or jessie ) . Also I quit after the Janet brawl pass
I never really hated new brawlers designs or their gameplay because it was a something new fun and exciting although we received some abominations in the process like day 1 Rosa ( I will never forget the terror she was)
First tho I will say some characters who have good gameplay but bad design (THIS IS MY OPINION I DO NOT HARASS YOU IF YOU PLAY OR MAIN THAT CHARACTER , I have to say that because reddit is reddit)(Also I DO NOT harass the game designers these are my opinions on how a character should look like for their gameplay or a design I dont like because of my personal opinion)
Starting off with Edgar: Imagine a character who heals himself with every auto attack and has an ultimate(Super) which makes him jump from the shadows and strike you down , that sounds like a cool vampire and you can make him Mortis brother or something but no, instead we got an emo boy who hits you with his scarf? And his hands are like pencils? Wasted potential on the design part
Second for me is Cordelius : His shadow realm is what ruins it for me because ,I think if someone can take you to another dimension should look badass and intimidating , basically looking like someone who can overwhelm you by his strength alone, but instead it's a mushroom addict?
Those are two but now I want to talk about Charlie and Melodie , I think those two characters are badly designed down to the gameplay and they are kinda similar since they basically took Lola and said but what if .
Charlie she is Lola but with spiders and steals from people and can turn you into a cocoon? I know she uses spiders and things but I would much rather see that on a monster looking character . Her auto attack as well I dont like it ,you could give that to a kid like character who plays with yo-yo but you give it to someone who does shows and things and is a thief ?(Not saying her basic attack mechanic is not interesting) Also her design, she doesn't look like someone putting on performances she looks like a flying squirrel thing (please seatch it up they look so adorable tbh)
Melodie , Ahh man this character, Lola but what if she was a singer Her design is nothing exciting or interesting I feel nothing when looking at her design. Her gameplay yeah I don't like that either and find it boring, she is a tank that has long range but needs to be close to do meaningful damage and has 3 darryl dashes but those things move as fast if not faster than stu and can stock up 3 of those bad boys , she doesn't have anything flashy that would make you feel like you are playing a singer .
I do think that her gameplay can make her a balance nightmare just like the previous mentioned Charlie, basically someone you need to nerf to the ground because their kit is fundamentally broken so their numbers need go be worse than the average brawler
I know I yapped a LOT but I find it such an interesting topic of discussion because lets be real most brawl stars content is gameplay and talking about designs or the game in general is something rare to find (because if you say something bad about the characters or the game people will complain , ofc something reasonable not like "AHH SUPERCELL NEEDS TO GIVE US 10000000 GEMS EVERY UPDATE")
So what's your opinion I would love to discuss more about it

Hello , I am someone who played the game when it went global (some friends told me to play it) so ive seen multiple designs which looked ... Yeah (old Pam for example or jessie ) . Also I quit after the Janet brawl pass
I never really hated new brawlers designs or their gameplay because it was a something new fun and exciting although we received some abominations in the process like day 1 Rosa ( I will never forget the terror she was)
First tho I will say some characters who have good gameplay but bad design (THIS IS MY OPINION I DO NOT HARASS YOU IF YOU PLAY OR MAIN THAT CHARACTER , I have to say that because reddit is reddit)(Also I DO NOT harass the game designers these are my opinions on how a character should look like for their gameplay or a design I dont like because of my personal opinion)
Starting off with Edgar: Imagine a character who heals himself with every auto attack and has an ultimate(Super) which makes him jump from the shadows and strike you down , that sounds like a cool vampire and you can make him Mortis brother or something but no, instead we got an emo boy who hits you with his scarf? And his hands are like pencils? Wasted potential on the design part
Second for me is Cordelius : His shadow realm is what ruins it for me because ,I think if someone can take you to another dimension should look badass and intimidating , basically looking like someone who can overwhelm you by his strength alone, but instead it's a mushroom addict?
Those are two but now I want to talk about Charlie and Melodie , I think those two characters are badly designed down to the gameplay and they are kinda similar since they basically took Lola and said but what if .
Charlie she is Lola but with spiders and steals from people and can turn you into a cocoon? I know she uses spiders and things but I would much rather see that on a monster looking character . Her auto attack as well I dont like it ,you could give that to a kid like character who plays with yo-yo but you give it to someone who does shows and things and is a thief ?(Not saying her basic attack mechanic is not interesting) Also her design, she doesn't look like someone putting on performances she looks like a flying squirrel thing (please seatch it up they look so adorable tbh)
Melodie , Ahh man this character, Lola but what if she was a singer Her design is nothing exciting or interesting I feel nothing when looking at her design. Her gameplay yeah I don't like that either and find it boring, she is a tank that has long range but needs to be close to do meaningful damage and has 3 darryl dashes but those things move as fast if not faster than stu and can stock up 3 of those bad boys , she doesn't have anything flashy that would make you feel like you are playing a singer .
I do think that her gameplay can make her a balance nightmare just like the previous mentioned Charlie, basically someone you need to nerf to the ground because their kit is fundamentally broken so their numbers need go be worse than the average brawler
I know I yapped a LOT but I find it such an interesting topic of discussion because lets be real most brawl stars content is gameplay and talking about designs or the game in general is something rare to find (because if you say something bad about the characters or the game people will complain , ofc something reasonable not like "AHH SUPERCELL NEEDS TO GIVE US 10000000 GEMS EVERY UPDATE")
So what's your opinion I would love to discuss more about it

Hello , I am someone who played the game when it went global (some friends told me to play it) so ive seen multiple designs which looked ... Yeah (old Pam for example or jessie ) . Also I quit after the Janet brawl pass
I never really hated new brawlers designs or their gameplay because it was a something new fun and exciting although we received some abominations in the process like day 1 Rosa ( I will never forget the terror she was)
First tho I will say some characters who have good gameplay but bad design (THIS IS MY OPINION I DO NOT HARASS YOU IF YOU PLAY OR MAIN THAT CHARACTER , I have to say that because reddit is reddit)(Also I DO NOT harass the game designers these are my opinions on how a character should look like for their gameplay or a design I dont like because of my personal opinion)
Starting off with Edgar: Imagine a character who heals himself with every auto attack and has an ultimate(Super) which makes him jump from the shadows and strike you down , that sounds like a cool vampire and you can make him Mortis brother or something but no, instead we got an emo boy who hits you with his scarf? And his hands are like pencils? Wasted potential on the design part
Second for me is Cordelius : His shadow realm is what ruins it for me because ,I think if someone can take you to another dimension should look badass and intimidating , basically looking like someone who can overwhelm you by his strength alone, but instead it's a mushroom addict?
Those are two but now I want to talk about Charlie and Melodie , I think those two characters are badly designed down to the gameplay and they are kinda similar since they basically took Lola and said but what if .
Charlie she is Lola but with spiders and steals from people and can turn you into a cocoon? I know she uses spiders and things but I would much rather see that on a monster looking character . Her auto attack as well I dont like it ,you could give that to a kid like character who plays with yo-yo but you give it to someone who does shows and things and is a thief ?(Not saying her basic attack mechanic is not interesting) Also her design, she doesn't look like someone putting on performances she looks like a flying squirrel thing (please seatch it up they look so adorable tbh)
Melodie , Ahh man this character, Lola but what if she was a singer Her design is nothing exciting or interesting I feel nothing when looking at her design. Her gameplay yeah I don't like that either and find it boring, she is a tank that has long range but needs to be close to do meaningful damage and has 3 darryl dashes but those things move as fast if not faster than stu and can stock up 3 of those bad boys , she doesn't have anything flashy that would make you feel like you are playing a singer .
I do think that her gameplay can make her a balance nightmare just like the previous mentioned Charlie, basically someone you need to nerf to the ground because their kit is fundamentally broken so their numbers need go be worse than the average brawler
I know I yapped a LOT but I find it such an interesting topic of discussion because lets be real most brawl stars content is gameplay and talking about designs or the game in general is something rare to find (because if you say something bad about the characters or the game people will complain , ofc something reasonable not like "AHH SUPERCELL NEEDS TO GIVE US 10000000 GEMS EVERY UPDATE")
So what's your opinion I would love to discuss more about it

Hello , I am someone who played the game when it went global (some friends told me to play it) so ive seen multiple designs which looked ... Yeah (old Pam for example or jessie ) . Also I quit after the Janet brawl pass
I never really hated new brawlers designs or their gameplay because it was a something new fun and exciting although we received some abominations in the process like day 1 Rosa ( I will never forget the terror she was)
First tho I will say some characters who have good gameplay but bad design (THIS IS MY OPINION I DO NOT HARASS YOU IF YOU PLAY OR MAIN THAT CHARACTER , I have to say that because reddit is reddit)(Also I DO NOT harass the game designers these are my opinions on how a character should look like for their gameplay or a design I dont like because of my personal opinion)
Starting off with Edgar: Imagine a character who heals himself with every auto attack and has an ultimate(Super) which makes him jump from the shadows and strike you down , that sounds like a cool vampire and you can make him Mortis brother or something but no, instead we got an emo boy who hits you with his scarf? And his hands are like pencils? Wasted potential on the design part
Second for me is Cordelius : His shadow realm is what ruins it for me because ,I think if someone can take you to another dimension should look badass and intimidating , basically looking like someone who can overwhelm you by his strength alone, but instead it's a mushroom addict?
Those are two but now I want to talk about Charlie and Melodie , I think those two characters are badly designed down to the gameplay and they are kinda similar since they basically took Lola and said but what if .
Charlie she is Lola but with spiders and steals from people and can turn you into a cocoon? I know she uses spiders and things but I would much rather see that on a monster looking character . Her auto attack as well I dont like it ,you could give that to a kid like character who plays with yo-yo but you give it to someone who does shows and things and is a thief ?(Not saying her basic attack mechanic is not interesting) Also her design, she doesn't look like someone putting on performances she looks like a flying squirrel thing (please seatch it up they look so adorable tbh)
Melodie , Ahh man this character, Lola but what if she was a singer Her design is nothing exciting or interesting I feel nothing when looking at her design. Her gameplay yeah I don't like that either and find it boring, she is a tank that has long range but needs to be close to do meaningful damage and has 3 darryl dashes but those things move as fast if not faster than stu and can stock up 3 of those bad boys , she doesn't have anything flashy that would make you feel like you are playing a singer .
I do think that her gameplay can make her a balance nightmare just like the previous mentioned Charlie, basically someone you need to nerf to the ground because their kit is fundamentally broken so their numbers need go be worse than the average brawler
I know I yapped a LOT but I find it such an interesting topic of discussion because lets be real most brawl stars content is gameplay and talking about designs or the game in general is something rare to find (because if you say something bad about the characters or the game people will complain , ofc something reasonable not like "AHH SUPERCELL NEEDS TO GIVE US 10000000 GEMS EVERY UPDATE")
So what's your opinion I would love to discuss more about it

Red Seas Under Red Skies by Scott Lynch, Reminiscence: By Their Own Rope to Chapter 7
Welcome back to Tal Verrar, where the artifice is real and the pirates are fake. Let's see if we know the Gentlemen Bastards’ business this week.
Summary
Six months since the last Reminiscence, Locke has locked up the mysterious chairs and is with Jean in Vo Samara. Jean brought rope which was secured around a thick tree trunk. They're practicing getting to the vault. They used harnesses and a safety line to rappel down the cliff.
Someone calls down to them from the top. He'd steal their coats and chop the ropes. He was a highwayman always on the lookout for people to rob. He called them heretics and cut one of Locke’s lines. Jean tried to throw a knife at him, but only the hilt hit. Then the thief fell off the cliff onto Locke’s harness. Jean grabbed the bandit by the hair, and Locke held a knife to his throat.
His name was Trav, and he was unemployed. Jean made it up first and hauled them up. Locke berates the incompetent thief. He left a purse of silver for him. He could be helpful to them later if he remembered their kindness. It had been eighteen months since anyone tried to kill them.
In the present day, they eat breakfast at The Gilded Cloister. They discuss the attack last night and who might want them dead. Merrain is dressed as a waitress and hands them a bill and a note to meet where they first met. They are on their guard all the way there. They enter an abandoned shop where four men in gray cloaks and hats wait for them. The four men are decoys. Jean and Locke don their own cloaks and hats and get in a carriage.
Merrain is already in their carriage. They will head to the docks. They hoist themselves into a boat filled with rowers. Merrain is the coxswain. They enter the Sword Marina and the stone walls of the bay. A man meets them there and says it's a fool's mission. He's Caldris the ship's master. He leads them to a dinghy in a “pissing-pond” for practice. Stragos had tricked him with poisoned wine, too, so he “volunteered” his services.
Every ship must have a woman officer and a cat for luck. They have a kitten but don't need the woman yet. Caldris cut their palms with a knife and put a slice of bread over it as part of a ritual to the deity Iono Stormbringer. They practice rowing for hours. He bet them that they would capsize, and he won.
Locke is exhausted, but he has to see Requin and give him the chairs and tell him of the voyage. Merrain almost didn't let him go. After two hours, he and the chairs go to see Requin. He waits at the service entrance and pays a servant to get him Selendri. She used to be an Eye of the Archon before her injury.
Requin loves the chairs. Locke says he won them in a card game. He tells Requin that he'll be away for a while to find a lockpicker named “Calo Callas.” Requin makes him promise to tell him of any more plans right away.
They learn how to use a Verrari/Camorri quadrant (sextant) among other navigational instruments, books, and charts. Stragos and Merrain pay a visit to fit his uniform. He must look the part of a Captain at least for a day.
The ship The Red Messenger is in the harbor one day. It was seized from a man who tried to smuggle in stiletto wasps. The enormity of his task hit Locke as he boarded for the first time. Two weeks of training had prepared him to climb the ropes to the mast and sails. Caldris was feeling his age as they climbed down. Luckily the captain and the master stay on deck.
Jean found Locke in a sailor’s bar trying to get drunk and forget anything nautical for a night. (Wrong place for it.) Six watchmen entered and caused tension. The bar patrons were hostile, so one of the watchmen left some money for a round on him and all left. Locke and Jean give their free dark ale to a dockworker woman. The woman was choking and gagging. One the bar workers had put some poison (and not salt) in the drinks!
A ship leech used Locke’s stiletto to perform a tracheotomy on her so she could breathe. It was too late, though. The barkeeper accused the doctor of killing her. The other sailors demand he apologize. Then he drank some ale to prove it wasn't deadly. Jean asked where the second assistant was. Authorities would be called, so Jean and Locke made their exit. The free ale was a cover, and the watchmen were used by someone trying to kill them. The Priori did it.
Jean catches a man in the alleyway. He's an Eye, but who can be sure anymore? They want him to send a message to Merrain that they need a place to stay and protection.
They check out of the inn, and Locke sends a note to Requin. Caldris is even harder on them in his training. All three devise hand signals for when they can't speak among the crew. Caldris and Merrain are impressed by Locke's acting prowess.
Later on, Locke and Jean knock out a guard with a hood full of a sedative. A tower is their destination. Stragos had brought one of his own ships for them to do a demonstration. They sail to Windward Rock where a prison tower stands. That's where Stragos locked up the other Captain for stealing and treachery. He says that this Captain is Locke.
In the tower, Locke hands his papers to a woman who shows them to the lieutenant behind a desk. His pseudonym is Orrin Ravelle. He and Jean are there to see the prisoners. They both attack the guards. A poison called witfrost will put them asleep for the night.
Stragos tells Locke about Highpoint Citadel Gaol and Windward Rock. He has arranged for Ravelle to have a paper trail. He will find his crew in Windward Rock. The prisoners were in one large cell. Locke tells them that he chose them to be his crew. (Stragos chose 44 and made their lives miserable so they would want to leave and be on his crew. Four were women and got too sick, or so he said.)
Locke promises them equal shares of any plunder and freedom from the hell cell. They clamber to join.
Caldris had a bad feeling about the voyage if there won't be any women on board and no basket of cats.
Prisoner Jabril is made acting mate. Two younger prisoners row a boat out to a bigger boat. They all board and sail to the Red Messenger.
Merrain had hidden nearby, and after they all left, she snuck into the tower and killed the guards except the two on the top floor.
Locke pretends to knock out the guard on the ship. Duties are assigned. The guard is placed in the smaller boat. Some of the men were on the ship before and were assigned topmen. So starts their voyage. Locke was having fun playing the part of rogue Captain.
They sight sails on day three, but it's too early to be pillaging. Locke orders them to practice archery. Caldris estimates that they'll make it to the Ghostwinds in two weeks.
The crew drank and partied, playing knife throwing games. Locke saw bioluminescent ghostly things called flit-wraiths. Caldris had seen unbelievable things out on the sea. Two of the islands’ populations were destroyed: one by fire during a war and one by some kind of monster from the jungle.
The crew notices there are no cats. Locke had forgotten them on shore. (Uh-oh!) He tells them they're shy and hiding. Caldris is tired and gets little sleep. He is pissed off that there's no cats. The crew will mutiny if they find out. They'll have to fight another ship just for the cats. (They better hope it rains cats and dogs.)
A storm is brewing. The crew ready the ship and its supplies. Locke and Jean spend rare time alone in the stern cabin. Caldris feebly knocks at the door, and has a heart attack. He dies just as the storm hits. (Double uh-oh!)
Extras
Marginalia
Parts of a ship
Ship's cats
Ship's cats in hammocks
St Corella’s fire is actually St Elmo's Fire.
Larboard used to mean left.
Navigate back here May 23 for Part 2, Chapters 8-11. Questions are in the comments.

Hello, i'm part of the german-albanian diaspora but have relatives in kosovo. Me and my sisters have inherited a Property there. They want to build the millionth foreignors villa. I find this retarded, as we only go there during the summer and i dont feel obligated to flex with my non-existant money while people in my village are hungry.
As far as i know my relatives experience rolling blackouts. I would like to invest some money into building some sort of scalable solar facility + Battery storage to help with this. I dont know how expensive this would be, if it's below 10k€ it's most likely somehow doable for me. But i always hear reports of the albanian mafia and thiefs stealing valuable materials. How likely is it that it would be stolen or damaged within the first year?
Do you maybe have a better idea of what would help the village? I basically have a property and nothing to do with it.
It's a little bit embarassing but i don't really speak albanian at all... would this be doable without any language skills? My sisters do speak albanian so they would maybe be able to help with this project.

multiple content warnings, i’m sorry, this will be long, this isn’t even everything and it’s a damn book i am 19. i was 11 when i had to grow up. my parents decided to divorce after months of fighting, letting us know a week before my 12th birthday. you know, the classic divorce story. my dad moved out and my mom started dating people. it moved so fast. we moved to a different area, even though we had just moved into a new house a year earlier, leaving my childhood hometown behind. my mom was trying to pursue school so we were living on student aid and stamps. (i have 3 siblings, so there were 5 of us) i started middle school in that area and was doing pretty well off. then my mom got pretty serious with someone i’m going to call SOB, he doesn’t deserve a name. my mom and SOB were dating for two months before that thing proposed to my mom. we met him once before he was labeled our step dad. my mom sat us down and told us we’d be moving to idaho to be closer to her family. come to find out, the whole reason for going there was because SOB is an ex convict and he couldn’t leave idaho because that’s were his parole was.
we were told at the time that he was framed for kidnapping and he had a whole story crafted to back it up. being a kid and needing my mom, i didn’t ask or dig about it. so we moved to idaho. i started school there and immediately got death threats. i got called a hoe relentlessly for seemingly being pretty. eventually things calmed down and i had friends, but that place was tiny and once people have formed an opinion of you, there’s no changing it, so it was hard to get around.
SOB was awful to my younger brother. we’ll call this brother zayn. zayn has bad adhd and has always struggled with school. he’s one of the smartest people i know, but getting assignments in is not his forte. so as a result he’s never had the highest grades. SOB hated the fact that my brother wasn’t doing great and would literally stand there and scream at him to get his work done. there was one time that i was in my room and i started to hear my brother screaming so immediately i’m upstairs to help him, SOB was literally chasing my brother around our house with a damn bat screaming at him like a demon was coming out. i yelled at him to leave my brother alone and things just got darker after that. me and my brother were scum to him and he ran our house like the hunger games. my other little brother and my older sister were prized jewels, they got everything they wanted and more, and SOB would rub it in our faces. he even gave my dog away, i went days worrying about her and looking because i thought she had ran away, to find out that some other person had my dog now and i wouldn’t ever get her back.
fasting forward a little, SOB violated his parole by going on a trip that wasn’t fully approved and got put back in jail right before christmas. my mom completely threw herself into trying to get him out. me and my sister noticed that my mom hadn’t gotten a single thing to be santa for my brothers, so we scraped up the money we had to get gifts so my brothers wouldn’t lose their christmas spirit seeing that santa didn’t come when things were already so bad as it was. i love that i was able to do this for them, the smiles on their faces, i will never forget that christmas.
after a long time of having a very absent mother, she was able to get SOB out of jail. he came back even worse of a monster then when he left. he sexually assaulted my mom, committed all kinds of fraud, basically stole all of my papa’s retirement money, the list goes on. my mom decided she wanted a divorce and when he found out, he went crazy. he locked all of us out of our house and threw our things on the lawn. it rained, i lost so many things, a one of a kind paper mache venitian mask i had gotten on a trip with my dad to italy included.
it’s 2020 by now and we went on a trip to Texas, to meet the person my dad was dating. on the trip, I very much learned that she was not for my dad. but, all reasoning was in vain. my dad proposed, and we had literally just met her. so that was that my dad was engaged now and focused on trying to move them out to him and getting a new house. my mom decided at that time that she wanted to move too so we had a choice, move to my dads and go back to the area i grew up in, or go with my mom to another ranch town in idaho. i chose my dads. my brothers came with, but my sister stayed with my grandparents where we lived in idaho so she could graduate.
things were fine for a bit. my mom was dating a lot and even got engaged. then she told us about this other guy she had been seeing, who had given her a 500 mile ride home from somewhere. immediately suspicious, especially because she wouldn’t drop a name. come to find out other guy was SOB. SOB proposes to her again and she’s got two engagement rings from two different people. everyone was like, what the actual shit are you doing. my mom was in a very cooky state of mind, broke things off with the other guy, and stayed with SOB. there was a weekend in september that my cousin had something going on so my extended family and everything was all there and we decided there needed to be some kind of intervention. to keep things short, it didn’t go well. my mom ended up leaving and she told me and my sister that she didn’t want to be our mom anymore. found out through facebook a couple days later that my mom and SOB were married.
then came the everlasting fun of a custody battle. my step mom had gotten into my dads head saying he needed to take full custody. now i wasn’t the biggest fan of my mom at the time, but that didn’t mean i never wanted to see her. my parents hated each other. there were a few times in exchanges that the cops ended up being called.
for a while my dad had pretty bad anger issues. low blood sugar, overstimulation, bad smells, anything could set him off. i just so happened to have a very large target on my back so i got the brunt of everything. i wouldn’t let him yell at my brothers and this resulted in me getting the lashings, but i would do it all again if that meant protecting my brothers. he wasn’t angry all the time, there were a lot of good days, but it was definitely pretty tortuous for a while. a lot of the problem, which i knew would happen to begin with, was my step mom. she is one of the laziest people i’ve ever known, which is the complete opposite of my dad. my dad likes to do things, he’s always active. so he was frustrated because he would want to do things with his wife there, and she would almost always refuse, so she could have a quiet day in bed. my step mom had also convinced herself that i was stealing from her. she ransacked my room multiple times, to no avail. she took my car keys ‘until she could prove i was taking things from her’ and i only got them back because they were sick of giving me rides places. she actually ended up stealing some of my things trying to claim they were hers, so she hid them and i haven’t seen them since.
so yeah i got yelled at a lot, accused of being a thief, and my relationship with my mom was shit + the joys of high school. i have been doing musical theater my whole life. when i first got to my new high school i was so excited because, although i wasn’t able to audition for the productions companies that year, the teacher told me i was a shoe in for the next year. she ended up leaving and we got a new teacher, if you can even call her that. so it’s my junior year, the first year with her, and it wasn’t bad, i got some good parts and did really well. i ended up getting nominated for an award for one of my performances and it was at this time, i don’t know what happened, but she did not like me anymore. she told me that she accepted the nomination for me, but i found out not too long later that she never accepted it and i was in favor to win so the judges were very puzzled by it. she accepted my friends nominations and kinda rubbed it in my face that i never got anything back. like’ awe are you sad because you didn’t hear anything from the judges? well so and so over here did😈’
the summer after that year i cut my hair pretty short. i wouldn’t say i’m not ‘girly’ but i definitely have a more masculine ‘bro’ persona comparatively. so now it’s my senior year, it matters a lot more at this point to try for good parts because it’s my last run. to keep it simple, my teacher wouldn’t cast me because i was too masculine, not even as a guy ?? idk make it make sense. i got one part my entire senior year, and i know it’s not because i’m bad. but i wrote and produced my own show that ended up being 100x the quality of the shows she produced, so i did get redemption. long story short, it really sucks to watch the peers your just as good as continue to succeed, while you get kicked out of the room for being distracting when you haven’t said a word. the reason they didn’t like me ? i’m good at improv, i kid you not i was told i was too creative and it bothered them. i know my presence scared the teachers there because i’m not a classic conformist theater kid that does anything and everything the teacher says.
anyways, so after years of trying to rekindle a relationship with my mom, fighting with an ass teacher and getting yelled at almost daily, a lot of worth questioning, and a flurry of weed later, i graduated.
both of my brothers in this time attempted to end their lives and were in facilities for a bit. i decided at that time to move in with my mom to hopefully help our relationship. it did a lot. me and my mom are best friends now. but it hasn’t been because of nothing. SOB had become the most controlling narcissistic asshole and my mom was just acting having any feelings for him so he wouldn’t take everything away from her. he monitored everything my mom did. he hit my mom in an intimate moment, and almost beat zayn, but i covered him and ended up slicing my arm open on our fireplace, once again i would do this 100 times over to protect my brother. i decided i wanted to dig everything up on him that i could. what i found was mortifying. i won’t go into too much detail, but there were a lot of charges, multiple of them being SA of a child. i vowed at that moment that i would do anything it takes to get him back behind bars. he’s actively on the offender list and he works across the street from a preschool, not on my fukin watch ass hat.
i will never forget the true terror on my moms face that that man caused. it got to the point where my mom would get really scared if she started crying because she knew he’d freak out at her if he noticed. i came back to my locked room, that i have the only key to, with holes in my walls in weird places, and in my bathroom too. a couple days before, my brother found a camera in his room, so i knew what it was and that SOB was spying on me. i taped them all up and came to stay at my bfs house and have been here since. after months of his treacherous cycle my mom had enough and left to a safe house, she’s there now. the divorce is going though but from some reason the stupid system denied my mom a protective order against him. he has full access to our house and things right now, and he’s trying to make 90,000 so he can baile his way out of the insurance fraud case against him that could get him back in jail in june. i’m so worried he’s selling my things because he so would. everything i have left is in that house and it’s all at his whim now.
when i moved in with my mom, i started a job at a fancy high end restaurant because i knew it would be good money. i’ve had problems with this my entire life, but ever since starting my job there, i have experienced countless creeps who have sexualized me in more ways then i thought possible. it’s made me feel so worthless. it’s people i work with and people who come in. drunk guys from the bar are the worst, and they’re all filthy rich so they don’t care about a thing in the world. i need to quit but i don’t know where else to go
my dad has now decided as of like two weeks ago, that he will be moving to florida. i never anticipated him moving across the country and leaving the last place i could call home. he also started therapy a couple months ago and his anger issues are pretty much nonexistent at this point. so i got my dad back but now he’s leaving again. i always hoped that as i got older, my family would always be pretty close, close enough that i could seem them once a week if i wanted. it’s really killing me because i was so close to that, to getting my family back. my sister has been in france the last couple years and she’s coming back in a couple weeks. my dad will be moving almost immediately after. we finally got to a point where my mom is free, my dad is happy, we’re all healing, and now my family will be broken up more then ever before by distance. my parents don’t hate each other anymore, my sister is coming home, we would all be able to spend time together again, never more.
so i’m at this point now, where i’ve been fighting for my family, taking every hit with hope in my heart for something i was so close to having, for 7 years i’ve been hoping. and just like that, the light at the end of this very long, cold and dark tunnel fades, and i’m left once again, in the cold dark nothingness that is hoping for a better day, that will never come.
so i’m left questioning, is overcoming another mountain worth it if there’s a whole range of painful climbing ahead of me? i’m so tired, my whole body hurts every day, my mind and soul are toiled with the pain of my lifetime, everyone in my family is moving on with their own paths and it’s only a matter of time before i’m only hearing from them every once in a while. i don’t want to do life, the world is so messed up right now and i don’t see it getting better. there’s too much pain and i can’t handle it. nothing seems worth hoping let alone living for anymore. i bid you adieu and wish you all the best 💗

1. The Bat in the Belfry - 3/5 (In terms of a Batman introduction episode, this does a decent job. It skips the origin story because superhero cartoons are allergic to them for some reason. But this at least vaguely alludes to Bruce's parents being gone, on top of introducing the struggle of being both a famous playboy and the Batman. As a result, the story is fairly generic though. Joker wants to release a laughing gas across Gotham. Gee, I haven't seen that one a dozen times. That said, this iteration of Joker has a really unique and wacky design. Along with zany acrobatic moves that are fun to watch and a great performance from Kevin Michael Richardson, it more than makes up for the subpar story. I also liked the side focus on Bennett and Fa Mulan- Sorry, Detective Yin. They're fun characters.)
2. Call of the Cobblepot - 3/5 (Penguin is quite acrobatic for a pudgy little guy. Alongside Rupert Thorne doing parkour in the previous episode, it seems the show wants to sell me on the idea that these chubby guys are just as combat capable as the Batman. And did they really have to give him the Danny DeVito hands? That's not a mandate anymore! I liked Alfred getting involved in this episode, though he doesn't really do much besides go to the Cobblepot manor. But it's funny that he does so in search of a tray.)
3. Traction - 4/5 (Colorful iteration of Bane. Why is his skin all red? He looks like a monster. But it's a cool twist on the character, so whatever. Although his motivations don't match up to the rad design, since after getting paid to destroy the Batman, all he wants to do is "take over Gotham", which he apparently thinks will be accomplished by just wreaking havoc. What is this, The Spectacular Spider-Man? I did like Alfred having to come and rescue Bruce, and the cute flashback where Alfred comforts him.)
4. The Cat and the Bat - 3/5 (This one's good, but mostly for the action setpieces. I think the rugged artstyle lends itself very well to snappy action, particularly the final scene with the Batman and Catwoman against the Yakuza. And the stuff before with Batman having to catch up to Selina messing with his Batmobile controls was neat too. But I can't say Catwoman leaves much of an impression on me in this one.)
5. The Man Who Would Be Bat - 4/5 (Kirk Langstrom as a character works pretty well as a kooky old man. I liked the visuals for his echolocation. As for the actual story...I mean it's just a typical Man-Bat story. Langstrom becomes the Man-Bat and goes crazy, so Batman stops him. But I did like the larger inclusion of Bennett and Yin, as I like their additions in this show as foils-yet-vaguely-allies to Batman.)
6. The Big Chill - 3/5 (So in this show Mr. Freeze is just another generic jewel thief. Not that I want this series to just copy paste Batman: The Animated Series, but simplifying the villains like this makes it less compelling by default. In fact here, he was always a criminal, he just happened to get ice powers. That said, his design is actually quite rad, and I did like the addition that he has a vendetta against the Batman. Plus it's funny that he took revenge on a random hobo, just for being in his way a few years ago.)
7. The Big Heat - 4/5 (Gee, I bet the writers thought they were hilarious putting these two titles next to each other. I'd say what this episode does slightly better than the others is showing the "struggle" of balancing the Bruce life with the Batman life. And actually giving the villain a narrative connection to it, instead of his schemes just serving as a vague lesson to learn. Firefly himself had a pretty cool looking suit, and the sky action was pretty nifty. Plus it was cathartic when Batman took him down to ground level and stomped. Nitpick: They forgot to animate Batman's mouth in the reflection of the puddle. I hope somebody got fired for that blunder.)
8. Q&A - 4/5 (Bruce listening to hiphop in his earbuds at a classical music theatre... Yeah this sure is a unique Batman. This is the first episode where I was genuinely interested in the story and villain. For starters, since they didn't immediately show me who it was, I got to remain curious about the kidnappings. Then I appreciated that they were connected to a personal vendetta rather than just wanting to steal jewels. I think Batman discovered the mystery a bit too quickly though. He didn't research the victims connections, he just clicked a button and the Batwave did it for him. But I enjoyed Cluemaster. Funny design. He's HUGE. I chuckled at Batman casually walking into his his moms house and her thinking she's his friend. And I thought it was fun how he defeated Cluemaster by asking the Batman's identity. Side note, that is an enormous basement.)
9. The Big Dummy - 4/5 (Wow, it's Homer Simpson! Well actually, Scarface sounds more like Krusty the Clown when he's yelling. That aside, we're back to villains just wanting to steal stuff for profit. Yeah, sure, whatever. Scarface trying to slap Batman was funny, though. And I found the idea of making him a huge puppet where Wesker himself takes the puppet position by the giant arm a funny twist on the character. The vague subplot about Bruce having a date with some Becky chick feels kind of tacked on and unnecessary, but I digress.)
10. Topsy Turvy - 4/5 (First "villain comes back for revenge" episode. Joker's plan is unfortunately fairly generic, but his zaniness still makes it fun. Not to mention seeing the Batman locked in an Arkham cell and dressing up as Joker. Why did Batman lock in the guard when leaving though? Rude for no reason. Also, I'm glad the fake Joker in this episode had to stay quiet so he won't be found out, unlike in The New Batman Adventures where a goon dressed up as Joker can just perfectly imitate his voice.)
11. Bird of Prey - 4/5 (Okay, I'm just gonna say it: Stop showing front facing Alfred! Without that little patch of visible hair, he looks completely bald, and it's weird! That aside, I guess after the series of villain introduction episodes, it's time for a batch of sequels. This is the better sequel than the Joker one, since I liked that Penguin had a clear cut motive. And I can't believe I'm saying this, but Penguin's zaniness was more amusing. No doubt helped by Tom Kenny's performance. Him wreaking havoc around Wayne Manor and harassing Alfred was just funny. And it made Alfred hitting him with a chair in the end better. I thought his rooftop battle with the Batman was pretty creative, and I liked that Alfred dressed up as Batman to fool the journalist. Also how he intentionally kicked their video tape into the fire.)
12/13. The Rubber Face of Comedy/The Clayface of Tragedy - 4/5 (The cops literally have Joker at gunpoint but they let him proceed with his slow getaway. I'm starting to understand why Batman keeps one-upping them. Great two-parter though, but part 1 is really nothing but setup for the real meat which is part 2. Part 1 is just about Joker causing chaos again, except the tone is more dramatic on account of this being meant to be more serious than the average episode. And while Joker's antics are fun, given how little it had to do with part 2 other than him being the cause for Bennett becoming Clayface, they didn't really need to spend a WHOLE episode for just that setup. It results in part 1 being just good, while part 2 is fantastic. Sadly, combined, I can't give them 5/5. But part 2 gets that honorary score for itself. You could have cut Joker's generic havoc-wreaking in half and have the Clayface transformation start around the 10 minute mark of part 1, leaving you with about 30 minutes to develop it further. But then they couldn't have that cliffhanger, now could they?
As for the actual story... Depressing. I'd say it's a bit early to change the status quo of Bennett since while he is a good character, we haven't really seen MUCH of him, so it's not a huge blow to suddenly make him a villain. But it's a pretty good, genuinely saddening twist regardless. And while the emotional moments feel a little hurried (hence why you could have cut some Joker nonsense) I think they're effective enough. Yin crying, etc. And Bennett's transformation itself is genuinely horrifying stuff, so you really feel the fear he must be going through.)
14. The Cat, the Bat, and the Very Ugly - 3/5 (And now we're on villain team-up episodes. Except they're still just generic stories about them wanting to steal stuff! Well, okay, I guess Penguin DOES want to use the relics to... I don't know, blow stuff up? It just isn't very riveting is all. I do find Batman and Catwoman being stuck to each other interesting in theory, but they don't really do much fun with it. And why did Batman lie to Yin about it? I guess he's worried he'll look suspicious if he's with Catwoman, but also, he could have just told the truth? The lie just incriminated him more. I also question this because the episode ends with Yin TRUSTING Batman, which makes no sense if she literally caught him in a lie the FIRST time she called him about a case.)
15. Riddled - 3/5 (That's certainly a unique version of Riddler. I respect it, simply because it's fun that the show dares to completely revamp characters like this. But the episode itself is mostly just decent. Yin and Bats going across town solvring riddles is mildly fun, but the actual confrontation with Riddler is just okay. I did like the 20 questions game, but couldn't Batman easily get out of that by not answering? I found it funny how dense the Police Chief was to understand even the simplest riddles, especially with how bluntly Yin had to explain the last one. Side note: Riddler uses the term "brainiac" in this. But that term exists because of the Superman character. So has a Brianiac attack on Metropolis happened here and been made publicly known or what?)
16. Fire & Ice - 4/5 (Gee, with a title like that, I sure was scratching my head wondering which two villains it could be about. I'd say while this episode is good, it felt a bit thinly set up as nothing but "what if ice villain with fire villain??". I did find it amusing that they turned on each other near the end and the conflict just became Heat vs. Cold. That scene with Yin yapping about knowing Bruce's secret though... Give me a break. Even if they WERE gonna have her find out his secret identity, that's most certainly saved for a Serious:tm: season finale or something with heavy stakes, not a random Firefly episode.)
17. The Laughing Bat - 4/5 (Golden concept for an episode. Joker trying to imitate the Batman is unhinged and hilarious. And Penguin being caught in the crossfire completely discombobulated by the switcheroo was great. Praise aside, I was a little disappointed that Batman turning into Joker didn't go further than...he can't stop laughing. Couldn't have Joker-ified him any more? White skin? ANYTHING else to have him also vaguely look the part? Overall I also felt there was too much focus on Bruce laughing as opposed to Joker being the Batman, when that was the best part.)
18. Swamped - 3/5 (While I appreciate that this is a villain introduction episode that goes beyond them being a jewel thief", Croc wasn't too interesting. He wants to flood Gotham because he likes water, but then Batman stops him. Although I liked the way he did it by forcing him to stay in water. :ohgood: Also neat that this episode introduces the Batcave "museum". This series gradually introducing all of these iconic aspects of Batman lore as opposed to having it all pre-established is fun.)
19. Pets - 4/5 (Season 2 really IS the season of villain team-ups. I was rolling my eyes at the prospect of another generic Penguin episode of him wanting to steal stuff, but got my excitement back up when they showed Langstrom. Although they could have devoted some more time to Langstrom actually being aware of Penguin's scheme and wanting out instead of just... One. And overall, it IS just another episode where Penguin tries to steal stuff, so yeah.)
20. Meltdown - 4/5 (Wow, this was JUST like the Batman Beyond episode "Meltdown". While a good episode, I have to say the Bennett-Clayface conflict feels a bit forced at times. Him repeatedly getting into encounters with Joker, the very man who caused him to become Clayface, and struggling with not morphing to take his rightful revenge? Valid. Understandable. But him randomly being willing to kill Batman and become an outlaw on a whim? I don't know. His fight scene against Joker on stilts was pretty fun though. That said, Bennett is a good guy and all that, so I'm hopeful for a redemption arc where in the end he becomes a superhero with his powers.)
21. JTV - 4/5 (It's another Joker shenanigans episode. What is there to say? Not that that's a bad thing, since Joker shenanigans ARE fun. He concocts some nutty TV show-themed scheme, and then Batman stops him. Cash was a bit of an annoying inclusion though. Did he even serve any narrative purpose? I guess he vaguely emphasizes how well Yin and Batman work together, by him working badly with her. I did like the "animated" JTV promo. But who even made that? I guess one of Joker's henchmen can animate.)
22. Ragdolls to Riches - 4/5 (Oh boy, the umpteenth episode about a villain stealing some jewels. Wait, it's TWO villains this time. Wow, this changes everything! Jokes aside, it actually kind of does, because Ragdoll is entertaining enough on his own. His costume is cool and unique in its simplicity, and his distorting body leads to some very expressive movements and action which make for a fun watch. And if that wasn't enough, his rivarly with Catwoman and repeatedly trolling her on purpose was pretty darn amusing. Though despite being the titular character, the episode is mostly about the Bruce/Batman/Selina/Catwoman mystery. It is fun seeing the "4" of them interact and not realize who the other is. Especially when Batman, the world's greatest detective, believes Selina's blatant charity scam and hands her a huge check. It's funny seeing Bruce be this oblivious.)
23. The Butler Did It - 3/5 (Another flipping jewel thievery episode! At least there's a mystery element to it this time, in that you initially don't know who the villain is. And when you do find out it's Spellbinder, there's the twist that he swaps his mind control targets from butlers to their employers. And it was really fun to see Alfred be the one to figure this out and escape the room he put himself in to save Batman's ass. I liked the bit where Batman hesitated to punch Alfred. And I think some of the hallucinations were fairly creative. That said, it was still a jewel thievery episode! Get some new plots, show.)
24. Grundy's Night - 4/5 (While I did have thoughts on this version of Grundy, those feel irrelevant when it turns out he was just Clayface in disguise anyway. That said, props for making a twist I could genuinely not predict. However, the reason I couldn't have predicted this is because after all that development of Bennett and his descent into Clayface, I wouldn't have expected his next appearance to just be him doing something generically villainous that Batman must put a stop to. It comes off as a bit awkward, because you'd think this would be more emotionally significant considering he was Bruce's best friend. But not only do we not even see his Bennett form in this episode, Batman doesn't even refer to him as such, just "Clayface". And then he goes home all cheery as if he stopped any ol' twerp. Huh?)
25. Strange Minds - 4/5 (While this episode falls into "Joker shenanigans" territory again, at least the focus here is less about just stopping him and instead delving into his mind. It leads to the zaniness being cranked up more, which is fun to see especially with how expressive Joker is in this show. Although I feel like they could have been a bit more creative with the visuals. I liked the flying fish, Joker as the moon, and the normal Joker managing the idea vault. But other than that it doesn't get more wacky then just a crowd of Jokers. But I liked the solution of how Batman made him disclose the information by making him think they had exited his mind. Cliché, but clever. It's a bit weird how Hugo Strange spots Batman in Joker's mind and immediately assumes it's the actual guy, though. For all he knows that could have been mentally conjured up by Joker. Batman would likely be on his mind a lot. Also, Harley Yin.)
26. Night and the City - 4/5 (Woah, TRIPLE villain teamup? Daring today, are we? I liked that Penguin didn't even know who Riddler was. And despite that, he's clearly stomping both Penguin and Joker in this contest. He came up with the idea to catch Batman in the first place, had the most elaborate bat-bait AND was the last guy standing in a fight against him. Joker and Penguin just followed Batman and quickly fumbled. I guess with Commissioner Gordon and the Bat-Signal being introduced in this episode that this marks the end of Batman being an enemy of the GCPD. Not that I mind, since while I liked the development of it, with Bennett gone and Yin already on his side, there wasn't a lot further you could push it. It's a shame this is Yin's last appearance, though. I don't really understand why, since while she's fired in this episode (for like what, a few hours?), she gets the job back and everything goes back to normal. Frankly it would have been more interesting if she WAS fired and then became a vigilante herself/sidekick to Batman as referenced in this very episode.)
Movie: The Batman vs. Dracula - 3/5 (Starting the story with Joker and Penguin? Yeah, this is a The Batman movie alright. They really can't help but spam these two villains. That said, decent movie, but I'm really scratching my head as to why they thought Dracula was the ultimate villain they could utilize for it. There is some thematic connection with him being able to transform into a bat, obviously... But that's as deep as it goes. And the few bits of Bruce recalling the death of his parents was like, come on, you really felt a need to rely on that as a plotpoint in a movie about Dracula?
The film, much like the show, is fairly barebones. Dracula rises and wants to take over Gotham, so Batman must stop him. The side story of Bruce having a romance with Vickly Vale feels very tacked on and pointless since not only was she not much of an interesting character, just a dime a dozen love interest, but she doesn't even appear in the series going forward. So, what? Also, did Bruce really need to hastily steal someone's lipstick and a platter to write "Alucard" and mirror it to figure out it spells Dracula backwards? Just rearrange the letters in your head.
The most interesting thing about the movie is it gets slightly more visually grim. Stuff Penguin bleeding in the beginning alone was a surprise, as tame as it was, because that's not something I would have thought the censors would allow. Of course I quickly realized it was plot relevant, but then they immediately go on to show Dracula "killing" a guy. Which, while I know having finished the movie that he was cured, the way the scene initially portrays it is obviously supposed to make you think that's what happened. There's also Joker practically bathing in blood and Dracula literally being burned alive in the end. Sheesh. So much for Batman's code. Vampire Joker is probably the best part of this movie. That blood bank scene is really cursed [good thing], and KMR's performance of Joker starving while Batman has him locked up was great. I mean Batman having to feed Joker his own blood just so he doesn't starve is a fairly unique plotpoint. Also his reaction to being un-vampire'd is pretty funny. "Where's Dracula?" "I'm looking at him".)

Introduction

The main purpose of this guide will be to help unlock the golden dice for those of you who feel less confident about tackling honour mode. This is designed to be a path of least resistance, so we won’t be experiencing everything this game has to offer. It’s also worth noting that instead of focusing on min-maxing for damage; we prioritise safe & consistent damage. We don’t need to be respeccing characters often, if at all, and we won’t be relying on strength elixirs. My girlfriend (u/-babyjanehudson) and I put this together as we’ve beaten honour mode a 5 times now without any failed attempts, we were even in the first 800 people to beat it which is kinda cool! Here’s how we did it. First starting with our builds, then a little general advice and finally just a list of some general Do’s & Don’ts. Apologies for the wall of text.
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Builds:

Bardlock (party face) - Great old one Warlock 2, college of lore bard 10 - Cha16>Dex16>Con14>Wis12

• Key items are the spell sparkler until Markoheshkir, potent robe, quickspell gloves, necklace of elemental augmentation & the warped headband of intellect (great for general party face checks in acts 1+2) at least until you get the birthright at sorcerers sundries in act 3. Once I reach act 3 and have persuaded half of the shadow cursed lands into dying, I personally choose to respec into Sorlock: 2 goolock, 2 fighter, 8 draconic sorcerer. It’s not necessary but I find it gives the edge in combat while in act 3, as there are less dialogue checks available that bard can abuse. Being a sorlock means every morning in camp I can convert ALL level 1+2 spell slots into extra sorcery slots meaning my bonus action is now always being used for eldritch blast thanks to quickened spell meta magic plus we have action surge :) Skill priority for this character is Persuasuion > Intimidation > Deception > Performance > Perception > Investigation. Credit to u/kethrynweryn for this build, it’s easily my fav in the game.

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Life cleric 12 - Wis16>Con16>Dex14>Str
(light cleric does more damage so is technically better for experienced players but a life cleric is there to save your run in case of an emergency, something pretty invaluable to beginners in HM as we can’t assume we are winning every fight in the first 2 turns like we ideally aim to)

• key items are reapers embrace, sentinel shield, hell riders pride, the whispering promise & blood of lathander. Other items of note would be luminous armor & the radiant/illumation rings. Most fights will simply involve casting spirit guardians at its highest level and running through crowds of enemies like you’re mowing a lawn, picking up the war caster feat is brilliant for helping you keep concentration when taking attacks of opportunity but i know as a feat it’s a little divisive, just my personal preference. This setup trivialises all combat encounters in act 2. Just remember to check enemies for radiant retort, they’re few and far between but can fuck things up if you forget.

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Swords Bard Archer (Lockpicker) - 6 Swords Bard, 4 Rogue Thief, 2 Fighter - Dex17>Cha14>Con14>Wis12>Str

• Key items are hag hair (+1dex), titan string, risky ring, hill giant club, helm of arcane acuity & band of the mystic scoundrel. With this setup every time you attack, you can hold person, fear, vicious mockery or invisibility as a bonus action :) Just make sure to use your slashing flourish as much as possible to maximise damage. Don’t forget to get to the high ground whenever possible to increase your damage.

Skill priority for this character is Sleight of hand > Stealth > Perception > Persuasion > Intimidation > Deception > Acrobatics
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Barbarian - Wild heart Bear Barb 8, Battle Master Fighter 4 - Str16>Con16>Dex14>Wis12

• Key items are more flexible here as this build is less dependant on gear. I recommend grabbing the Everburn blade if you can, it really helps during the slog of act 1 (to get it easily, when you first find Shadowheart on the nautiloid immediately swap any one of the spells in her book for Command, then use command drop on Zhalk and steal his sword. I do not recommend trying to fight him for it). Most the time you’ll just wear the usual barb stuff, bracers of defence & a 2H weapon of your choice. If you’re willing to brave Raphael & Ansur this build becomes a powerhouse with the gauntlets of hill giant strength, amulet of health & Baldurans giantslayer. These items are incredible but are also locked behind fights which pose the highest risk to your run, prepare carefully and if you don't feel confident enough then don’t be ashamed to just skip them. Anyway we take wild heart bear because being resistant to everything but psychic damage is really underrated. You can use this character to abuse the poor souls that your swords bard has been using hold person on for easy crits. Make sure to always use reckless attack. Initially it sounds bizarre but stick with me, you want enemies to have advantage against your barb. Attacking recklessly while keeping your AC capped around 17~19 means the computer always prioritises attacking your barb’ over the rest of your party. This is great as we will be taking half damage from every source other than psychic. Not to mention if you’re always using reckless attack, the feat Great Weapon Master no longer has a downside, so it becomes a reliable +10 to damage.

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Final note for builds:
As you’ve probably noticed, yes almost everybody in the party takes a dip in fighter for access to action surge & shield proficiency. I learned this habit from Colby like everything else I know. He’s the Bob Ross of DnD builds and well worth your time.
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General Advice

The most important factor in honour mode is “meta knowledge”, This means things like: knowing how to enter each combat effectively, making sure everyone is in a good position before starting, knowing exactly which enemies/spells you’ll face during that fight and ensuring you always take the enemy by surprise to gain a free turn. Being properly prepared is better than any build. As for difficulty, Act 1 is always going to be your biggest challenge so use plenty of rests and pick your fights carefully. For this guide I also recommend using your bard to persuade the act 2 bosses into committing suicide.

Do’s:

• Always have a these spells prepared: longstrider, aid, enhance ability, bless, misty step, heroes feast, counterspell, shield & guidance.
  
• Buy the ring of bless from Volo the moment you meet him at the grove.
  
• Steal Laezel’s armor at the start if you’re not using her, it’s great medium armor in the first few hours.
  
• Let Volo take your eye for a permanent see invisibility buff.
  
• Barbarian should always use reckless attack
  
• Buy & craft every potion of speed you can get your grubby mitts on. With the slight nerfs to Haste in HM potions of speed are a safer alternative.
  
• Take the Hag hair +1dex for swords bard and most the time just let Ethel have Mayrina, its fiddly to control who Ethel will offer the deal to so just go in being prepared to sacrifice Mayrina.
  
• Talk to crusher outside the goblin camp and persuade him to kiss your feet. He'll run off embaressed, follow him to the bridge away from all the other goblins. Now you can safely and easily kill him to loot his ring which increases movement speed.
  
• Use your party face to poison the goblin camp in act 1, killing over half of them outside before even entering combat and then the party face can simply deny everything.
  
• Look up the wiki page for every boss and check their legendary resistances/actions BEFORE starting the encounter. Ethel, inquisitor w’wargaz, cazador, steel watch titan & Nether brain specifically can do some seriously nasty stuff that’s exclusive to HM & can easily catch you off guard.
  
• Kill Balthazar in his room/lab where you first meet him. To make the fight even easier you can take flesh into the self same trial using the bell so you don’t have to fight him alongside Balthazar. Either way it’s a much easier than the fighting in the shadowfell.
  
• Take alert if someone has a spare feat available, otherwise increasing your main ability score is usually the best bet.
  
• Cast sanctuary on Isobel during the raid on the last light in, a lot easier than chasing after her trying to heal & blade ward her. Alternatively ignore her altogether, go straight to ambush against the drider, grab the lantern and release dolly dolly dolly, allowing you to skip the Isobel & Marcus’s fight altogether.
  
• Keep characters ability scores in even values when possible, odd values do not change anything (with a slight exception to constitution as odd values still give a little extra hp).
  
• Try to keep all characters at 12 Wis or higher to avoid being feared, charmed or hold person’d.
  
• Cast darkness over Halsins portal to prevent enemies attacking it.
  
• Take Gortash's deal to skip his fight & the steel foundry.
  
• Use minor illusion to group enemies together & pull them out of position before initiating combat. You can also use this method to fix broken NPC’s when they’re not standing where they’re meant to. Looking at you Alfira & Lakrissa.
  
• If you’re open to a little cheesing you can leave some ranged/throwing party members on the steps before the Grym boss fight. Now just rain hell down on the boss from safety.
  
• Globe of invulnerability is exactly as broken as it sounds. These scrolls restock daily at sorcerers sundries & trivialise every boss encounter in act 3. Ansur specifically has no way of countering this.
  
• Illithid powers. These wriggly little cuties are some of the strongest buffs/abilities available. I recommend having every possible party member take atleast: favourable beginnings, luck of the far realms, ability drain & cull the weak. If you opt to go half illithid then you get access to some outrageous kit such as: fly, psionic dominance, illithid expertise & blackhole.
  
• Summon any minions before casting Aid, Heroes feast, Longstrider & other morning buffs.
  
• Use your potions, elixirs & scrolls as much as possible. They’re literally everywhere & with good reason. A well timed potion of invisibility or scroll of misty step can save a run.
  
• Most people know this already but don’t forget you can throw healing potions at allies in a pinch.
  
• Before descending the stairs to Cazador’s fight have a party member go invisible. They can run over and free Astarion before rolling initiative. This method can also be used to free Volo, Mayrina, Aylin or set up smokepowder barrels for a one turn kill.
  
• Use darkness to cover any pickpocketing and then flee the area before the NPC notices they've been got.
  
• Only trade with vendors using your highest persuasion character.
  
• Give your frequently visited vendors a few hundred gold to max out their attitude. this way you have the best prices for both buying and selling.
  
• Remember you can skip the final fight altogether using the dialogue option (important distinction) to blow Gale up at the brain stem in act 3.
  

Don’ts:

• Don’t awaken at the Zaithisk unless you’re certain you can make the checks, there is a great guide on respeccing for this exact moment credit to u/kodiak3393.
  
• Don't use friends, guidance or any other spell when bargaining with Ethel for Mayrina & the hag hair. It will trigger Ethel's legendary action and prevent you from getting the hag hair.
  
• Don’t free Orpheus unless you're prepared to also fight the Emperor in the final fight.
  
• Don’t play as durge for the first time. Worth noting the cloak exclusive to durge is easily the best in the game but being durge throws the player some unexpected curveballs that can end a run if you're not prepared.
  
• Don’t keep sharpshooter toggled on permanenlty unless you’ve got risky ring or oil of accuracy.
  
• Don’t try & save the gondians, don’t go to the iron throne, do not pass go, do not collect £200
  
• Don’t underestimate Flind the and other Gnolls who are attacking Rugan in act 1, you ideally want to be level 4 before this fight. Ensure to start the encounter from insidde the cave where Rugan is trapped, it can be accessed from the area near the fake paladins of tyr & Karlach.
  
• Don’t use the cantrip Friends unless you plan on immediately leaving the area or killing the target.
  
• Don’t convince Ketheric to commit suicide at the mindlfayer colony. Instead use the first phase of the fight to get into position & takeout the Mindflayer asasp then get to work on the apostles. Makes phase 2 infinitely easier.
  
• Don’t talk to Wulbren or the Tieflings in the Moonrise prison until you’ve killed the warden and all the guards. These guards are utterly brain dead and somehow will never inform anyone upstairs of your massacre, regardless of how stealthily or raucously you tackle them. So just go hog wild. This’ll secure your potent robe with ease.
  

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[Updated & reformatted version of the guide I wrote and posted a few months ago on bg3builds with my old account u/JoseMongo]

I'm not sure if anyone else has ever had a dog like Max, but I'm about to share a story that will make you laugh, cry, and wonder how something so adorable can be so diabolical. For those who don't know, Max is my trusty sidekick, golden retriever who's been my partner in crime for what feels like an eternity.
From the moment he was born, Max was a master of disguise. He'd sneak up on his siblings, snuggle up with them, and then suddenly disappear, leaving behind a trail of confusion and laughter. As he grew older, his skills only improved. He'd sniff out treats hidden around the house, snatch them from unsuspecting family members, and then casually stroll away as if nothing had happened.
But here's the thing: Max's most impressive trick isn't just his ability to steal snacks (although that's impressive enough). It's his uncanny ability to sense when someone's having a bad day. He'll sniff out their sadness, curl up beside them, and somehow know exactly what to do to make them feel better. Whether it's licking away tears or giving the most comforting nuzzles, Max has a way of making us feel like we're the only person in the world.
Of course, there are also the times when he decides to play "hard-to-get" and refuses to come when called. Those moments are always followed by a chorus of "MAX, YOU LITTLE SCALLYWAG!" But honestly, it's hard to stay mad at him for long.
So, if you're looking for a dose of canine therapy or just want to hear about the adventures of a mischievous golden retriever, then keep reading. I'll share some of Max's most epic exploits, from the time he stole a whole pizza to the great "sock heist".
And who knows? Maybe Max will inspire you to become more like him: sneaky, playful, and always ready for adventure.
My dog Max is a master of disguise, snack thief, and emotional support extraordinaire. Share your own stories of canine capers and heart warming moments in the comments below!

So on Mothers day I was ready to go to my parents summer house. I sent my driver, Rob, to cash a check before we headed out.
When he returned he came with a worried look on his face and said this:
"boss, i think it is best if we hang low this weekend. I was just stopped by the police. They took me out of the car and began asking me for you. They had a photo of you on their cellphone. They said they knew i was the one who moved the merchandise. They told me not to say anything because they are waiting for you to pass that way in order to go to the summer house"
I was shocked. For one, It seemed quite an excessive exchange. Also, I dont move any merchandise. I am not involved in any illegal activities. But since El Salvador has this Exception Regime going on, the police have authority to take anyone to jail simply for suspecting.. even if it is a lie.
So much for mother's day i said. I dont believe you i told him. And he asked me to please believe him.
I called my lawyer to explain the situation and he told me to relax and we would sort it out monday but for now to stay inside my house.
I have a friend in the police department so i called him to ask if there is an investigation on me or whatever and he said no.
He came over and began to interrogate Rob detective style, trying to get all the details. He found many irregularities in the story. From procedures, to uniform colors, to descriptions.
Rob also mentioned he was too nervous to ask for names or take down their badge number.
After I spoke with my cop friend he said he only believed 30% of what rob said.
Mainly the part where they check Rob's sheet and found he had public disorderly while drunk and holding a firearm.
My lawyers came monday and one of them believed Robs story, saying why would he lie about something like that.
I said i believed he did not like to go to the summer house perhaps because he got bored.
Perhaps he wants me to stop smoking weed?
in any case, stealing my peace of mind is not the way.
When Rob left, he asked for two days off.
I took these days to talk to my other staff.
They told me he had been asking how i made my finances, and if i had ammo for my gun.
By now rob has also told this story like 5 times and esch time he leaves out details.
They also told me he had said that they should clean the attic and bill me 1000.
Furthermore they stated that Rob gave away my power tools to the mechanics that came over.
I called my friend where Rob worked before and he told me hes sma liar and a thief. Ive yet to see anything gone but He well may be a liar.
I could fire him, but i know him for quite sone time since when i was s kid, i met him: Ofc , it has been years since i last saw him to the day i gave him work.
The problem of firing him is finding a new driver. It is so complicated because they also assist with the house maintenance.
I was going to do a polygraph but maybe i should talk man to man.
what do you think?

I walk into an old Post office in the South West of England. (Think thick walls, a room which is an odd shape and a bending corridor between parts of the shop at the back, almostnlike something from Hogwarts. Stuff for sale on mismatched shelves and end tables which are all hundreds of years old. Clutter everywhere.)
I head to the back of the queue and have to ask a few people to move so I can get to the back, having the squeeze myself past them in the narrow corridor (I'm a massive bloke). Anyway, I finally get to the back, and patiently wait my turn. I'm stood looking at a display or whatever when someone forces themselves into my side, obviously attempting to push past me to join the queue. I step aside, and as I do they force past me, and brush past my bum pocket (where my wallet it) I do what I always do, and give my pocket a tap to make sure it still contains my wallet, and all hell breaks loose
"who the hell do you think I am?! A THIEF! I DID NOT STEAL YOUR WALLET! HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF SUCH A THING!"
For context, I'm facing the opposite direction, I haven't even looked at the woman and she is going insane. I turn around and and am met with an 80+ year old woman, eyes figuratively rolling in her head, spittle flying as she's stairing up at me screaming like a banshee about how I am accusing her of this heinous crime.
I just stood there in shock as she continued screaming until a member of staff arrived to see what the commotion was. I just stood there as she kicked up a fuss, screaming about how I'm accusing her. Again, I didn't say anything.
The worked just shrugged, "apologiesed" on my behalf and assured her that I likely didn't mean any harm, and went back down the corridor to the counter, and I was stuck waiting in this queue with this horrible woman shrieking at me until I finnaly got dealt with at the counter and was able to leave. It was a very long 10 minutes. But atleast everyone else in the queue got a nice show for free.

Admitting we have a problem is the first step in solving it! Author is a Eugenean talking about her experience with rising crime in the city, never saw this story but hey, still relevant today. Found this little gem by random chance. Title is a hopefully relatable quote from the article. You can agree or disagree with the author, but it's actually pretty well written with sources included. (just including the whole article, for people who don't want to click links!)

I Caught Two Men Stealing From My Home. The Aftermath Was Absurd—and All Too Typical.

This experience crystallized Oregon’s deeper problems.

BY REBECCA SCHUMANJUNE 21, 20225:40 AM
Typically, guys wearing power-company vests don’t leave the houses they’re working on laden down with backpacks—let alone power tools, a scooter, and a Nintendo Switch. But that was the scene I happened upon at 6:30 p.m. on a Tuesday in mid-April when I puttered into my driveway in Eugene, Oregon, my 7-year-old ensconced in the back seat.
For a second, my brain tried to normalize the incident: This is just my daughter’s dad stopping by—except there are two of him, and they’re dressed as electricians for some reason? Then, a second later, everything whooshed into place: Oh, wait, I’m being robbed. Or, rather, I was being burgled. I would get reminded of this distinction later, when I made the dubious choice to join the chorus of aggrieved buttinskies on Nextdoor, where my well-meaning post to warn the neighborhood would turn me into an accidental vigilante hero for a day.
Unfortunately, it’s true: My reaction to this burgle was the lived-out fantasy of many who have been on the business end of a property crime. As the two goons took off on foot down my street, I went into fight-or-flight mode—and I chose fight.
“Well,” I said to my confused child, “let’s go see if we can get our stuff back.”
I peeled my 2005 Subaru back onto the street and easily overtook my two targets, who then hurtled themselves into an alley, whereupon I cornered one by the driver’s side window as the other made haste across the adjacent parking lot.
“Just give it back, bro!” I yelled out my window. “Just give it back! I’m a single mom! Just give it back.”
I repeated this until either I reminded him too much of his meanest teacher or he realized he’d been caught in broad daylight. “Fine,” he said. “Just fucking take it.”
He shoved a backpack through my driver’s side window. Inside it was both my laptops and my daughter’s iPad from school. Back at home, I would discover these guys had used channel lock pliers to force open the back door, but that the general chaos of my home had prevented them from locating my passport, jewelry, or sole item of irreplaceable value: the Montblanc fountain pen that my father, who died in a bicycle accident two years ago, had gotten for his law school graduation. My cat was unfazed.
I can honestly tell you that this little caper of mine was thrilling and deeply satisfying. It was also the exact wrong thing to do. Even this fanatical open-carry gun website implores: “Don’t chase criminals.” What if these two dipsticks had been armed? As unlikely as that was—property crime in my town is often driven by addiction, and weapons are worth money, which can buy drugs—I put myself and my child in potential danger. And for what? Three grand worth of electronics. As any reputable expert will tell you, you’re never to give chase to a thief, because human life is not worth possessions. As much as I admit to enjoying being called a “badass” by everyone I told this story, plus the listeners of KLCC Oregon, I should not have done this.
I did call the police, on the nonemergency line, because the dudes were long gone and nobody was hurt. I declined the dispatcher’s offer to send two officers to fingerprint a bunch of stuff I’d already touched. At best, that would have just added two more sets of prints to my town’s burgeoning roster of perennially at-large property criminals.
There are larger issues here, issues much more important than my would-be cool story. First, it’s an example of how in Eugene, small-scale property crime is now de facto legal. It is largely nonviolent, so it’s rarely seen as worth police resources to track down the goods. At the same time, it is so prevalent that any time one vest-wearing bozo gets nabbed, three more spring up in his place. This was my house’s second break-in in six months, and my fourth property crime total in the three years I’ve lived here as an adult. Eugene is my hometown, so I can also add the four times my childhood house, where my mother still lives, has been burgled since the early 2000s. When I was little, we left our front door unlocked so regularly that I wasn’t aware front doors had locks on them until I was much older. By the time I turned 30, however, every door in my parents’ house had been pried open at least once. (“Time to finally get that alarm system!” said my dad for three straight decades.)
Still, it’s a mistake to treat this trend solely as a vexing crime problem. Eugene’s descent into its property crime epidemic has been concurrent, unsurprisingly, with two addiction epidemics: First, the methamphetamine nightmare of the 1990s—when pseudoephedrine pills were still unregulated—hit Oregon and other Western states particularly hard. That wave segued all too naturally into the opioid and fentanyl crisis of the present. Meanwhile, not only did meth never really leave, but its use in Oregon also surged with the pandemic, with three Oregonians per day currently dying a drug-related death.
Since our conversation was necessarily brief, I don’t know the housing or drug situation of the guys who broke into my place. But local statistics point to them as two more casualties of these plagues. (Granted, those statistics are from nearby Portland, and they are police-sourced, so take them how you wish.)
For all the ambivalent empathy that the opioid epidemic has engendered, the local property crime scourge has set off a fierce public backlash. My incident brought out an unsurprising chorus of bloodlust on Nextdoor and elsewhere, when I shared it because I wanted to give my immediate neighbors a heads-up: “You should have kicked their asses,” they wrote. “We need to rise up and defend our property.”
This town’s petty crime is often attributed, at least in the national conservative press, to our West Coast government’s decision to temporarily allow urban camping during the pandemic. (That policy has now officially ended, for what it’s worth.) Towns like mine have often been characterized in the popular imagination as unlivable crime-addled hellholes. I will be the first to admit that our tent cities are sometimes blatant open-air drug markets, but this is the case even as our property values inflate to absurd proportions—and our crime is actually on the decline. Still, Oregonians like me currently have about a 2.7 percent chance of being burgled, which, at almost 30 percent higher than the national average, is very high. I learned very efficiently how anecdotes like mine get around (I can’t help it if I’m a dynamic storyteller!) and attract the righteous indignation of other former victims, so many often feel, incorrectly, like we few honest vanguards are awash in a sea of riffraff.
This atmosphere, in turn, inspires my locality’s equally unreasonable political extremists to put forth and exacerbate their own untenable solutions. Even in a hyperpolarized American environment, Oregon is more polarized than most. For decades, our liberal enclaves have made Portlandia look understated, while our conservative areas make Texas’ look progressive.
For example, during the heyday of Eugene’s recently dismantled and infamous Washington Jefferson Park tent city, a larger break-in at a bicycle store was traced at least partially back to the encampment. The police swept the tents and made a flurry of arrests. Some of the bikes were found. This resulted in part in outrage over using resources to hassle the city’s most impoverished residents: “A stolen bike, yes, that sucks,” an advocate for the unhoused told a local news outlet. “But what are your priorities? And I’m sorry, but a stolen bike isn’t the priority.”
Well, trust me, in this town, it definitely isn’t. Recovering those bikes was an anomaly; in Eugene, most of these burglaries go unsolved. In fact, 87 percent of burglaries in the whole country do, too. The get-tough-on-property-crime proponents assert that statistically, this sends a message that stealing is fair game, and sure, that is a message I do not condone. But I also agree with a somewhat less rabid version of the opposing view: Property is replaceable, these crimes are nonviolent, and everyone currently rifling through houses and dealing drugs out of tents in my town is human. They deserve a chance to get their lives on track.
So, what should be the town’s priority? Fixing the addiction epidemics is a perilously long way away from happening, for reasons that are as polarizing as addiction’s consequences. In the sobering and excellent Dopesick, author Beth Macy goes into painfully exacting detail about opioids’ near-inescapable hold on the human brain. Macy argues that the true way out of this epidemic is “low-barrier treatment,” which includes supportive housing and medical interventions such as safe injection supplies, fentanyl testing strips, buprenorphine access, and supervised consumption sites. All of these options, however, are a tough sell even in a “progressive” town like Eugene, where supervised consumption sites are what NIMBY nightmares are made of, and low-barrier treatment can run up against deeply held moral stigma: Gas is $5 a gallon, and my taxes are going to some junkie?
In the meantime, while some admirably advocate and vote and wait for those breakthroughs, what should we do about the burglaries themselves? Should we pursue more law enforcement, or more compassion toward the burglars? More arrests that allegedly might deter this, or policies that might alleviate income inequality? Does—as approximately 83 percent of the suggestions from my Nextdoor thread contended—every house in town need a tripwire that handcuffs trespassers on sight? Or should all businesses be taxed at 500 percent, and the proceeds used to furnish every fentanyl dealer in town with a nice apartment and mad cash? The debate has degenerated such that these are the sorts of cartoonish positions each side believes they’re fighting—and, in fact, are the only available choices. Just check out Eugene’s Reddit section any day, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
The actual blight on small American towns like mine isn’t property crime. It’s that any tenable solution to it has been swallowed up into a churning abyss of extremism and perceived counterextremism. No one seems to have a convincing answer to the most basic question: So what should we do? What should I do?
Burglaries don’t have to be largely unsolvable, and more property criminals could be apprehended. But while I don’t want those dudes or any of their buddies to come back to my house, I also don’t want them in an American prison, where their “rehabilitation” will consist largely of learning better ways to commit even bigger crimes when they get out, and their options for alternative forms of acquiring money will be even more limited than they are now. Lacking any meaningful restorative justice program for petty thieves in my town (which would, in turn, necessitate locating and apprehending them), I decided my own problems could be solved, for now, with a padlock on my back gate.
And then, not long after the break-in, a Nintendo Switch appeared on my town’s Craigslist. Its included components and color combination were identical to the set stolen from my house. I debated, briefly, bringing my vigilante justice alter ego Super Annoying out of retirement, answering the ad and showing up to shrill my wrongdoers into returning what was mine. But this time, I thought better of it. My life is not worth much, but it’s probably worth more than Mario Kart. I can only hope the console’s new owners enjoy it as much as my daughter did—at least until someone steals it again.

When the game launched, planets and moons were a ship thief's dream come true. Simply land somewhere, exit the ship, run around for a few seconds and BOOM! You'd hear ships breaking sound barriers on reentry. Pounce over to the ship and check it out, and if you liked it, board it and you're off. Just like hookups at your local bar. Life was good.
Then came an update...
Now, ships would land still, but the damn landing bays wouldn't open! Claymores and Revelations would land and you could only stare at them with wishful eyes. To make matters even worse, when you boarded hostile ships in space, they were empty! (Sure that makes stealing easy, but man that was weird)
Then came an update...
Now ships wouldn't land at all! Anywhere!!! You could even visit POI's that had a guaranteed ship landing and only stare up at the skies, wondering. Waiting. Listening for that "boom".
Then came this update...
I just played for several hours, visited about 50-60 planets all over the galaxy, numerous stops at different locations even, and all I saw was ONE ship land, and as soon as it did, 5 seconds later it took off. Didn't even show up on the nifty little new surface map thingy.
I give up! Are we done here? Do I have to cry on the shoulders of the ship services chick at The Key and long for the Good Ol' Days???

EDIT: I FOUND IT. I have to pay $400 and I’m crying my eyes out but I found it. Thank you so much everyone
Important backstory:
My friend gifted me a car, and when we were in the process of transferring over the title and registration, someone broke into my house and robbed me - stealing my purse that had my car keys in it. Changing my locks was my first priority, and this purse had $500 in cash, plus I had to replace medications, licenses etc - all of this to say that my car keys took awhile to replace.
This car fob was over $300 to replace, and it took me a minute to get them, then I had to replace the battery, and the tire, basically this thief cost me so much money and I’ve been still trying to recover, but I finally was getting my car running again.
Now to the issue, my condo complex towed my car from my OWN RESERVED parking spot. I called the towing company listed on the signs around the complex and they said they don’t have it, I have no way of contacting the HOA / complex owners in a timely manner, and my all of my very necessary and important work things are in there that I desperately need for tomorrow. How do I find my car?? Please help, I’m desperate.
TLDR: I was robbed, my complex towed my car from my own parking space, I called the towing company they have listed, they said they don’t have it. I need my work supplies from my car by tomorrow night. How do I find my car?