How much will furosemide cost without insurance

Hi. I'm based I'm Bangalore India. I bought a lenovo legion slim 5 laptop last year with a 1 tb ssd. I've been trying to add an additional ssd to this (has a slot) but I'm not sure about the effect on the warranty. I called up the legion support and they murmur that it can (not will) impact the warranty. They referred me to the service center. They said the service center will get the part and install it at the rates of the part cost and installation.
The service center keeps telling me to contact the legion support. I'm now stuck between these 2.
In the meantime I called up Golchha computers on SP road and they said they will give the ssd and they have a 3rd party installer there itself who will do it
Could anyone advice how to deal with the service center fiasco or would it be better to get it installed by a known local vendor without affecting my warranty? TIA

For example if you don't tip. It will show approx $5 for 15mi trip for the driver...(30m round trip) it's laughable. Sad really. Without at least a $5 tip. No one should be accepting these orders (it doesn't even cover gas let alone wear and tear on your vehicle). this would force Uber to increase its base pay & not force customers to tip so much. The tip is what we rely on sadly for the income. Customers need to think of it as a bidding, for a service that otherwise would be unavailable...you have all these other customers out there and the ones who tip the best get their food the fastest by the best drivers most of the time. if you don't tip most drivers will decline. If you tip bait me, you will be reported, your account does get flagged and Uber reimburses us most of the time if you know how to talk to them... Ubers CEO did Uber eats as an undercover boss and was tip baited. leave at least a $5 dollar tip... if you want your food faster, make it $10. if you get a crappy driver, you can always reduce it within an hour. just don't get your account flagged for tip baiting. if there was no issue and you had an excellent delivery. karma is real remember that...

This is a script I wanted to do for Autism Awareness Month originally posted on my old account. I tried my best and I am completely open to any tips or suggestions if you want me to write a script specifically for you, you can message me right now I am doing commissions completely for free. I do ask that I am credited and that you let me know if you use my script so I can check it out. If you need to make any minor changes that is completely fine but please do not change anything that will mess with the main idea.
Tags: A4A, Comfort, Loving, Autism, Autistic listener, Overstimulated, Party , Crying [A4A] [Comfort] [Loving] [Autism] [Autistic listener] [Overstimulated] [Party] [Crying]
(upbeat music, people talking)
Hahaha yeah, what’s up babe? Do you want me to go with you? Okay love text me if you need anything. Yeah I’ll just be out here.
I’ll be right back. I'm going to go find them. (footsteps) Maybe they’re outside. (sliding door opens and closes) No, maybe they’re in the bathroom. (footsteps)
(knocking on door) Love are you in there? (door opens) Babe are you okay? Hey, hey it’s okay. What’s going on hun? No you don’t need to talk about it right now if you don’t want to.
Yeah of course you can have a hug, come here. Do you want to step outside for a little while? Of course I’ll go with you. Do you want your earplugs to block out some of the noise? Yeah they’re right here on my keychain (keychain jingles) there you (the background noise quiets down)
Take my hand and we can go outside. (Door opens, background noise gets slightly louder, footsteps, door opens and closes, noise gets much quieter) Is that better love? I’m glad, are you ready to talk about what caused you to go hide in the bathroom?
That’s perfectly fine honey you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. We can just sit out here for a little while and enjoy the quiet. Yeah the stars are really pretty tonight, you can see a few constellations. Yeah the Little Dipper is right there and there's Orion's Belt.
They’re just as amazing as you. Of course I mean that they’re unique just like you. They look amazing just like you, and every star that’s a part of them is amazing just like every part of you is amazing.
You’re ready to talk, okay I’m listening… I can understand that, there were a lot of people in there talking and the music was really loud. Yeah there were a lot of new people. I don’t completely understand it but from what you’ve explained I see why you got overwhelmed. Oh sorry overstimulated.
What do you mean “why am I with you”, I’m with you because I love you. Yes even with your autism. Honey, why are you asking me this? Hey shhh it’s okay I’m right here just let it out. Don’t apologize for crying love, it's normal.
Yeah we can go home if you want. You wait out here and I’ll go back in and grab our stuff. (the speaker kisses the listener) I’ll be back. (Footsteps, door opens closes, the background noise gets louder) Hey yeah we’re going to head off, yeah everything is fine we just don’t want to be out too late. Yeah I’ll call you tomorrow.
(Door opens and closes background noise fades out) You ready to go love yea here’s your jacket. Let’s go (gate creaks open and closes) You okay honey you look kinda down? Why do you feel bad? (car door opens and closes, car engine starts) No I’m not upset that you wanted to leave the party. Why would I be mad? You were uncomfortable in there and needed to leave and you were able to express that to me. If anything I’m happy that you were able to tell me that you needed to leave. I know that isn’t easy for you and I’m really proud of you for telling me that.
Honey I love you and you don’t ever need to question that. I love you and only you with or without your autism. (Car engine stops, car door opens and closes) Come here honey (speaker kisses the listener) I love you and I always will, let’s get inside.
(Door opens and closes) Now what do you want to do? Pajamas,couch,movie and cuddles. You got it now go get your pjs on, I’ll get a few blankets and get a movie going, yes I know your comfort movie. Now go get into your pjs.
Hey hun you look comfy, come sit down. I’ve got your comfort movie all cued up, your favorite blanket, a few of your fidget toys, a book and your favorite safe foods. You don’t have to thank me. I'd do anything to make you feel better. Come cuddle up. Do you want to read your book, watch the movie, or just stim with your fidget toys and cuddle? Yeah we can just cuddle while you stim. I love watching you just go into your own world and zone out. It's adorable. Yes it is, have I ever lied to you? That was one time and it was for a surprise so it doesn't count. (Soft laughter) I love you too. Can I give you a kiss? (Speaker kisses listener)
You look so cute when you blush. There it is again. Can I ask you something? Do you ever feel like you have to mask around me? Okay can I ask why?
Your ex always made you feel bad for the way you act, oh honey. I would never make you feel bad for you being you. I love how you act. I love how you can go on hour long rants on your special interests and when you ask me to stim with you or just sit with you while you stim.
I don’t ever want to make you feel like you have to mask or be embarrassed because of your autism. I love you, autism and all. Because you’re unique and gorgeous. I love your personality, your laugh, your smile, the way your face lights up when you get to learn more about your special interests.
You are an amazing person and I love you. I want you to be proud of who you are as a person. (speaker kisses the listener) Look at me honey I want you to be happy and I want you to love yourself.

HELLO!
I'm currently on a 8GB capped $40 endless data plan with Skinny. It runs on endless reduced speeds after using up 8GB of max speeds. The reduced speeds for me are around 1.3MB download which doesn't support very much beyond web searching. I can't really watch videos on youtube, stream movies, or scroll through social media once I'm on reduced speeds because any video content takes ages to buffer. I can buy data binge packs for max speeds again if I know I'm going to need it but it doesn't support hotspotting and only lasts 12 hours max for $5. Not sure if thats entirely worth paying seeing as I'd probably need to use max speeds everyday. I ripped through the 8GB in about a week and that was without gaming for the first 4 days? I've had my hotspot on during the night this week because my parents have a new curfew on our broadband at about 10pm, not much I can do about that lol.
I realized 8GB isn't enough to last me a months worth of usage and was thinking about changing to another service provider that had unlimited uncapped data plans instead. Skinny's most expensive endless data plan still has a cap on it with $70/m for max speeds up to 80GB. Then it will reduce back to 1.3MB~ download. I'm not sure if thats enough to last me a month with extensive use like gaming and watching movies, I don't use data often so I actually have zero understanding of how much value you can get out of 80GB. Is that a lot? Would I need more? I don't know...
I'm almost looking for an unlimited uncapped data plan that gives out the same value as a broadband plan, not sure if thats silly. I paid for my family's fibre broadband at our old house for 2 years which was between $80-70/m switching between the two fastest plans skinny offered, so I can afford a more expensive data pack, I just need it to last as long as the month I'm paying for lol. I don't need huge download speeds like fibre broadband can provide. I can play online games smoothly with the max speeds skinny provides, I think I get like max 14MB on my phone, same on my laptop, and then 5MB on my playstation when hotspotting. I'm not worried about getting more than those speeds.
You might suggest I just get a separate broadband plan in the house, but we've moved to a rural area and our house isn't offered the same broadband plans as our old one. We don't have fibre or wireless broadband available in our area, just plain adsl/vdsl which didn't even work when we tried installing our modem (don't know why), so my parents and all my siblings pitch in for starlink now. It's just my parents choice to turn it off during the night and they say if we want we can buy our own data to use during the night.
Anyway, I've been looking at some other providers like Spark and One NZ that offer unlimited uncapped data plans. My main question is does anybody have any reviews on either of the plans these providers have? Whats it like for you if you use them? Is it worth it for you and why? I've read a couple reviews on One NZ's service that are reeeeally bad with people complaining about how fast they rip through their data plans and are reduced to super slow speeds within minutes of using their data, which is very suspicous. So I'm reluctant about switching to them. There aren't any specific reviews on either of the providers' UNcapped plans though, reviews I've seen are on capped plans only so I'm reaching out on this in hopes to find someone who already uses any of the plans im looking at and get their review and maybe advice.
The options I've been looking at are:
Skinny Endless Data Plan $70 ^{(Their most expensive plan}) - 80GB Data at max speeds incl. hotspotting - Endless Data at reduced speeds ^(1.3MB\)) incl. hotspotting - Unlimited Minutes and Texts
Spark Endless Plan $90/m ^{(Their most expensive plan}) - Unlimited data* (Fair use policy applies) - Unlimited NZ/AUS SMS* ^{(I don't care that much about this}) - Unlimited mins to any NZ/AUS mobiles and landlines ^{(don't care again}) - Free spotify premium ^{(This is nice cause I use spotify a lot, I'm already on a student discount though but still nice}) - Team Up eligible* ^{(don't know what this means tbh}) - Endless Hotspot* ^{(this is a MUST for me but there might be some secret terms that apply}) - Spark Voicemail App ^{(I think voice mail access is free, better than skinny, but I don't get a lot of voicemail so its not neccessary.})
Spark Endless Plan $70/m ^{(Second most expensive plan}) - 18GB data at max speed. Endless data at reduced speed. ^{(This is capped, is waaaay less than what skinny provides for $70 and I would probably rip though is within two weeks.}) - Unlimited SMS ^{blah blah} - Unlimited mins - Save $7 on spotify premium ^{(I'm already on student discount, don't need.}) - Team Up eligible* - Endless Hotspot* - Spark Voicemail
One NZ Plan Unlimited Max speed data $85/m ^{(Their most expensive plan}) - Unlimited max speed data - Endless calls and text - Add up to 3 Companion plans for $40/m per plan - 250mins & 50 TXTs ^(what?) - Hotspot included ^(yay) - Wifi Calling included ^(what?) - One NZ Rewards ^(ok) - 5G ready - Open term plan
And those are the options I've gravitated towards. Skinny, Spark and One NZ (used to be vodafone I think). It sounds like One NZ is the best price for uncapped data but again I'm suspicious from all the negative reviews about One NZ especially about customers not getting what they paid for. Even NZ herald and Stuff has made articles about them being the worst rated mobile service provider. Only way I can get over the suspicion is hearing from other people here and reddit is pretty honest and helpful when it comes to niche problems.
If anybody has experience with either of these providers and especially with the data plans listed, please let me know what its like for you so I can make an informed decision on what I should buy. Maybe you know of other plans that might be better, or are someone who has similar data usage (excessive gaming and streaming) and has worked out the best data plan for that kind of consumption.
Any reviews, advice or opinons welcome ❤
THANKS!

Hello I have been eating Brazil nuts, 1-2 a day, taking zinc biglycinate 15mg every other day, 200mg of Magnesium Glycinate every night and 5000ui of D3 every day. I am not sure if I should add K2 100mcg because I am getting conflicting information everywhere as to whether it can cause blood clotting or you need to have a ratio with k1, I just don't know so I haven't touched it yet but anyway after about 1 month of doing this my TPO AB went from 1600 to 1000, and Thyroglobulin AB is still the same at 600. Also found out I have 2 nodules in my parathyroid gland, but I was told they are not going to do anything about it because my PTH levels are normal and calcium at the time it was discovered 1.5 years ago.
Also, can anyone please tell me the best Hashimoto's diet/food they eat that has helped them with severe fatigue, bloating, and 100% inability to poop(I seriously need help on my constipation, the probiotics my gastro suggested caused my constipation to be way worse and it hasn't recovered since stopping them 3 weeks ago, I used to go once a week, now its once every 1.5 weeks. My cat Marley poops at least 8x the amount each week than I do.
Weight gain...Prior to being diagnosed with Lymphocytic Thyroiditis, I never understood how people were unable to lose weight, I was one of those people who really just didn't understand I am 35yr old male 5'9 2 years ago when I was diagnosed I weighed 150lbs I exercised, did kick boxing for fun to stay in shape after all of a sudden getting extremely fatigued and not know what was happening i got the diagnosis. I went from 150lbs to 180lbs in 1 year and the next year(currently now) I weigh 213lbs. I am starting to gain energy back especially after starting Tirosint which after going through generic and 4 brand names its a god send to me on top on my vitamins. I still have chronic fatigue but at least I can walk up 3 steps in my house without having palpitations and being so tired and needing to rest for a few hours to recover or staying in bed for days because no matter how much sleep i got I never felt I slept. I started to believe i had narcolepsy, I would fall asleep everywhere at inappropriate places and times, i could not help it. Okay enough of all that so I paid to see a dietician which ill admit i do not have much money and it was everything I had to see this guy and he gave me the worse advise ever to eat. I should have known while i watched him google hashimoto diets during our appointment. Please if anyone could tell me their diets that has helped them tremendously i would be so thankful, also I can't afford to go see a functional Dr or a motility specialist so please no one tell me that I already know, I am seeking advice here, and if anyone knows how I can cure my leaky gut and bloating. I have a bag of L glutamine, but I haven't tried it yet other than that I would like advice please anyone. thank you, sorry for the long-life story.
sorry one last question does Hashimoto's/constipation cause breathing issues? I have always had mild asthma, but my breathing has become really bad with wheezing and scratchy throat. Im not sure if its hashis or where I live, im renting and the floor is asbestos tiles covered by peel and stick laminate tiles as well as lead paint on the window frames which i will paint over when I have the money for paint(renting from my sister for very cheap and she won't buy the paint, in case anyone says its landlords responsibility, I am saving to move, because i dont trust the asbestos and mold in laundry room), XRAY showed nothing in lungs, my pulmonologist thinks it might have something to do with my vocal cords? My albuterol has no effect on it and I was given Symbicort which does not help at all either, in fact all it does is give me a headache and make my pulse go up to 120bpm i guess because they're both beta-agonist. Please anyone any advice on diet and anything else I asked would highly appreciate it. Thank you

today i got tilt table test results back. a nurse called me over the phone. she said my results were abnormal, and highly suggestive of POTS. & everything just is clicking into place for me. i can’t stop thinking about it, and need to get it all out.
i’ve been exhausted my whole life. i am almost constantly fatigued. like the kind of chronic tired where i can regularly sleep for 14 hours straight no problem. where even if i’m consistently getting 8 hours everyday i still need a scary amount of coffee to do basic level function. most days i don’t function very well at all. my brain is constantly foggy. i forget things constantly. i lose my wallet & keys & debit card weekly. i literally can’t think straight most of the time, and everything’s kinda blurry in my head. when i stand up i usually feel like i’m going to faint, but i never do, so for the longest time i pinned this on me being weak, out of shape, lazy, some kind of personal failure. sometimes my vision gets blurry too, or my heart rate goes up to where it’s not in a normal range anymore. i feel lightheaded, woozy, off balance. and even though it was hard to think before, it just got a lot harder. i feel like i need to sit as much as i can. if i have to stand for more than a few minutes, i can feel the energy leave my body. it feels like the bottom half of me is deadweight, and the top half of me is giving everything it can to make sure the bottom doesn’t fall down. that’s why my chest and head feel so weak. i have bad posture, because it feels too hard & draining to properly support my torso & head. i slouch really badly to ease the burden. when i was younger i went to physical therapy for it. they thought i had scoliosis. i later found out i have hyper mobile EDS. this made sense. but no one else thought to look for POTS too. i lean against everything i can. i cross my legs to help make myself more sturdy. when i shower i sit on the floor. my feet turn red or purple when i stand for a long time. i can’t stand straight up, feet flat on the floor, legs uncrossed, back straightened without feeling like shit. that makes me feel small & defunct & like i’m not trying. how can someone be trying when they have to crumple themselves up just to remain upright. i work a job where i have to stand all day. i fuck things up a lot because my brain is cloudy and my body feels sick. i have to sit down throughout the shift and feel guilty for not being productive. when i clock out i am overcome with exhaustion. i sit in my car for 40 minutes sometimes before i can get myself to drive home. when i get home, i usually spend the rest of the night in bed. i can’t cook, i can’t clean, i can’t hang out with people. i’m too tired.
for years i thought it was because i spent so much time in bed. i didn’t exercise enough. i’m so lazy that i’ve reduced my body’s ability to function. if i was in shape, if i was more active, standing wouldn’t feel so bad. but when i tried to be more active, to exercise, to get out of bed- i caused muscle edema, i experienced asthma, i over stretched muscles & pulled things out of place & made the lightheaded feeling worse. i exhausted myself to the point of being bed-ridden for the rest of the day, or days, enough time to off-set any progress i made from trying to be active. i felt like i caused a problem and messed myself up so badly i wouldn’t be able to fix it. turns out the problem wasn’t my fault after all. i wasn’t lazy, or at least not by choice. i didn’t sit in bed all day and ruin myself, i sat in bed all day because it drained me not to. i have imposter syndrome & guilt.
when i was younger i developed an anxiety disorder. i had panic attacks. it makes sense, it still does, i could feel it in my brain, even if you couldn’t tell on the outside. but then i started to have tremors. and shakiness & excessive sweating & fast heart rate. all the same things that are associated with the physical side of panic attack, but i wasn’t panicking when the physical symptoms started. i started to though, when i realized i couldn’t stop shaking. which came first? the chicken or the egg? the tremors or the anxiety? the POTS or the anxiety disorder?
my hands are almost always cold. my feet are too. sometimes when i go outside in the winter my legs will take on the cold too, and from my foot to my hip my skin will feel eerily cold to the touch, and it will for hours. in the summer i go outside & i feel sick. i feel nauseous & small & exhausted & weak. i can’t be outside for too long without feeling like i’m barely getting myself to function. i don’t go outside very much in the summer.
it makes sense. all the symptoms make sense. i have almost everything, minus the fainting. i’ve only fainted once. i have risk factors- i’ve had mono, i’ve had covid, i have EDS, im a young female.
but i don’t feel sick enough.
& what if it’s something else? another type of dysautonomia? orthostatic cerebral hypoperfusion syndrome? orthostatic hypotension? MCAS? what if it is just physical deconditioning? something else?
how do i know what i have? all i know is i feel like shit.

Have you been there too! In the feeling, when you lit the perfect joint, took a deliciously, expertly-timed dab, and munched on your favorite snack. Then after a while, those dank feeling starts to come up and you end up thinking, "dude, am I going to be dead"? No, it's just the moment when your realize, "I'm too high".
Maybe the edible kicked in a hour to two later. Perhaps you tried the brownie to impress the new girl in the group. Or ripped the bong too hard or too long. Perhaps you just landed your hands on some tried concentrates. No matter what you case is, in case you get just a bit too high, here's how to come back from the edge of greening out.
Common symptoms of being too high:-

1. Anxiety
   
2. Nausea
   
3. Dizziness
   
4. Panic
   
5. Paranoia
   
6. Confusion
   
7. Excessive Perspirations
   

Ok, without any further delay, let's cover the 8 ways to sober up from weed high.
Tip #1: Don't Panic
Remember how much you took, and what's the average duration of the effects. Most symptoms of 'greening out' (doing too much cannabis) will dissipate within a couple of hours max. Plus there won't be any effects beyond the little feeling of disorganizations and grogginess. In this case, contrary to what you may have heard, there is no report of cannabis overdose.

1. Drink Water & Light Snacks

Next, the essence of sobering up lies in keeping yourself hydrations, and hydration is the essence of sobering up. No matter weather you prefer water or juice, ensure that it's a nice cold beverage that will help you to combat dry mount and also allows you to focus on simple things.

1. Know Your 'Threshold'

In case you are preparing for a cannabis session, then ensure to consider your tolerance level. When you know that more two puffs from a joint will make you anxious, or more than two gummies of 10mg gummy each puts you on a couch lock then don't exceed this limit. This will help you to avoid the uncomfortable situation.

1. Chew Black Peppercorns

When you find yourself combating paranoia and anxiety, then a simple ingredient found in the kitchen and restaurant may help. Yes, you can find back peppercorns in almost every kitchen. While it's not exactly the scientific method to come back from weed high. But, it works!

1. Keep Calm & Rest

To ground yourself, you can find a calm, quiet place without a lot of distraction and stimuli. A place where you can rest and breathe deeply. Now take deep full breathes in through your nose and out through your mouth. Imagine a dark cloud going out when you exhale.
Sometimes sleeping it off can also be the best alternative to stop a strong high making your uncomfortable. Once you've have found that zen area, next lie down and relax yourself.

1. Go for a Walk

So, in case, you can't turn off your brain then try changing the scenery. Add some fresh air to get your blood pumping one more time. Also, just remember to stay close to your immediate surroundings and bring a buddy - avoid wandering alone. And, avoid walking in case you are feeling too woozy.

1. Take a shower

In case its' feasible for you, then take a nice cold shower. Bath is the way help you relax while you wait for the effects to fade away naturally. Again this is not a scientific method but it works!

1. Distract Yourself

Lastly, in case, all of the above activities fail to bring your back, then DISTRACT YOURSELF. We suggest that you:

1. Watch a funny cartoon
   
2. Listen to your favorite album
   
3. Play a video game
   
4. Talk to your friends
   
5. Snuggle with your significant other
   
6. Eat something delicious
   
7. Go on a supervised errand
   

Now knowing now that feeling of high can differ significantly from a smoking, vaping, or dabbing high. And, it also depends on individual chemistry.
In the end, you can try some CBD to counter the effect of smoking too much medical marijuana.

I need help. I apologise for the long post.
I was in a relationship with a guy that I met in my last office. We instantly had a strong connection as we were meeting in a foreign country and we have the same nationality. Our connection was strong and we were like best friends. We were drawn to each other. We started dating two months after meeting.
When we met he was already facing some problems regarding his visa. Also, he was facing issues with his residence at the time. Before we started seeing each other, he told me about not being able to find a place. I jokingly mentioned to him that one of my flatmates has gone to her country for a while. So he asked if he could live with us. My flatmate and I agreed upon having him in the house for a few days. Later on those few days turned into 6 months, 4 months without even paying the rent. It got to a point that my flatmates were also getting frustrated because of a guy being in house. Even though, he was veru respectful of us.
During this time we were living together, we started dating each and we got intimate. We were happy with each other. We used to joke and have fun. We used to do our groceries and plan our dinners together. I used to cover the expenses sometimes and other times we split. But I was the one who always cooked. So we were sort of like in a live in relationship.
After 6 months of dating his visa got rejected and he went back to our country. We decided we would continue long-term since we had made each other a commitment of marriage. The plan was for him to find a job and once things get settled down, we will talk to our families. We both are in our mid twenties.
However, what ended up happening was that he stopped replying to my messages. I gave him a lot of space for two months, without him asking for it. There were times when I used to just ask him how he is and he did not reply for days. I was still being patient.
Until one day I randomly decided to open his profile on Facebook and I could not find it. I found out that he had blocked me for no reason as my friend could see his profile. It was only on facebook. We were still connected on the other platforms. I called him and messaged him all day when I found out. When we finally talked he denied all of it. Then later on he completely deactivated his profile. My gut instinct was that he is hiding something from me.
Maybe his family got him engaged somewhere (this is common in our culture). I wanted to breakup with him that day but he said I am going through a lot so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I stayed quite again for 2 or 3 weeks more. Then one day I decided I need my answer, I need to know why is he doing this. So I texted him. Called him a few times. To no avail. Then finally at night he texted and we talked. He broke up with me on text saying that our personalities are very different and he does not think we should be together. I absolutely do not agree with him because we had a lot of fun together and we were good together.
Anway, at that time I did not reply because I simply did not know what to say. The next day I replied to him when I found out he removed me from his Instagram. I confronted him for everything but he ended up blaming me for everything. He said I am the one who put all of this in his head. I am the one who made him breakup etc. I did no such thing. He was ghosting me for 2 months and I justed had to know if the relationship still exists or not.
Now, we are absolutely no contact since the past one a half month. However, I can't seem to feel better no matter what. Every day is worse than the day before. I still don't know why did he do this to me and that is eating me up from the inside. Even though I have not lived an easy but I have never come to this point before. I can't take this pain anymore. Its killing me. I need to know why. I want my closure but I know I won't get it because he acts like I don't exist anymore. He knew my heart was already broken before but he ended up breaking it more.
Plus, I have a lot of religious guilt for being intimate with him. I am not the sort of girl who would usually do something like this.
I would appreciate any advice, tips, or a third person insight into the situation. Thank you very much

I M24 developed social anxiety September of last year(2023). My life has gone completely down hill since. I started taking propranolol in October which hasn’t helped much. Prior to September I considered myself a very social person, I could talk to anyone without any issues. I even did a presentation in college in front of 50 students. I have also been an assistant manager at a grocery store for almost 3 years now. Now I have a very hard time talking to new people mainly woman. Everyday at work for almost a year now has been a challenge. I worry about how my facial movements are while talking when I never have before. I worry so much that I start blushing I get red and people notice. I started drinking at work recently just to be able have the confidence to get through my day. Whenever I have a large family event I also need to drink so that I can be confident enough to talk.
I started going to the gym consistently 3 months ago to see if that will help with my confidence issue and it hasn’t. I should also mention that I was broken up with 2 weeks ago. I was with my now ex girlfriend for 6 years. Now I fear that because of my newly developed social anxiety I will never be able to meet someone new or love again. She was the one person in my life that I could always be myself around. Has anyone else had a similar experience? If so how have you improved?

Have a lifelong friend. We were BF until 9th grade when she became my "unless something better comes along, friend" As in, she would say yes to plans, but would often back out the day of as something better came along. She ghosted me on many occasions throughout adulthood, including my wedding, when I moved away and cut ties. Although becoming FB friends many years ago, we didn't really converse much. In 2018 I needed a place to stay while back home so I reached out to her. We have been really close since, talking 3-5 times a week, daily messages, a visit home last year etc. I consider her my best friend and my go to support.
A few weeks ago I had a long awaited MAJOR facial reconstruction surgery(with complications)which comes with temporary facial paralysis. A few days into recovery I left her a voice message to which she responded that she couldn't bare to listen to it because I sounded like I was in too much pain. I assured her I am not in pain, I simply cannot help how I sound due to the paralysis. Days later I get a message asking "When can you talk without me visualizing the pain you are in by how you sound"? I repeated that I am not in pain, this is her issue and joked that she needs to get over it. I tried calling over the next week and either got no answer or a message saying she is busy and will call back. Nothing. A few days later she messages that she misses me?? At the two week mark, I asked her if she wasn't calling because she was still struggling with how I sounded? That message was left on read. More unanswered calls.
Almost 2.5 weeks after my surgery I messaged her saying I am extremely hurt that she hasn't called me once since my surgery. The only explanation I had was that how I sound makes her feel uncomfortable. Regrettably, I said I was struggling to understand this amount of self-centeredness, and it was making me question our friendship as I would never treat her that way if roles were reversed. I asked her what I was missing.
Her responses were: "Not everything is about you" and did I consider that maybe something is wrong on her end? Admittedly, I did not consider this as she gave no indication while messaging about random stuff during those two weeks. She apologized for saying she felt my pain, which was not why I was upset, and repeatedly ignored that I was actually upset because she wouldn't call me. She claims I told her she sucks as a friend, I did not. She insinuated I was the issue for telling her she hurt me, as I'm the only person to ever say something like this to her. She was too busy to call, and if I were a good friend, I should have been checking in on her... I did, she never answered or returned those calls. She threw in some other passive aggressive digs and now she's unsure she can be my friend at this time since I accused her of doing something so "unkind."
I tell my best friend she hurt me, and she's acting like I'm the AH. All I was expecting was an "I'm sorry." AITA?

Hello! I’ve been getting an asymmetrical bob cut for the past couple of years. Super fine always (like 1a) and thinning hair due to Tamoxifen (but 5-years post-cancer and off of it completely a month ago). I’ve used Living Proof Full shampoo/conditioner w/ an evening scalp spray Bondi Boost Procapil for a month now after reading reviews and trying to figure out how to have healthy hair without so much shedding. I also try to dry shampoo every other day with Living Proof dry shampoo (after trial and error, this is the best for my hair). My hair is still flat and lifeless but it feels so healthy and incredibly soft and smooth. I have not colored or highlighted in years for reference.
So the conundrum on should I explore another trial and error… Went on a business trip this week and had to use the Hampton Inn house brand Zero shampoo/conditioner since I did not pack my Living Proof Full shampoo/conditioner. After blow dry, my hair looked so much fuller at the root and through the length. Perhaps the Zero products dried it out? Maybe I’m over moisturizing it with the Bondi Boost and/or premium Living Proof products? I’ve read so many other posts on this subreddit about how dried out, somewhat damaged fine hair is more manageable and voluminous than healthy hair.
“What do?” Should I give up on my goal of super healthy hair for the sake of volume? Any low maintenance product recommendations for someone who will not use much beyond shampoo/conditioner and maybe a Living Proof Hair Dry cream? Should I give up the shoulder length asymmetrical blunt bob cut for something more layered?
Acknowledgment that advice will be based on text alone, but interested to read the thoughts of others.

I don’t believe that people’s humanity can be defined solely by their beliefs. That idea— that one's person could be summarized based on just having an opinion— has never made very much sense to me. Yet, if still relying on extremes for assumptions… then it seems much more logical to judge one’s humanity by how willing they are to listen to beliefs that differ from their own.
If a person is unwilling to merely listen— not just hear, but truly listen— to any opinion aside from their own, then why group that person with the category of “people”? They’d uphold more of a conversation if they were to be speaking with their own echo in an empty room… and how could there be room for any humanity in a population of one?
A person's ability and willingness to listen to what goes on outside of themselves is what opens their worldview outside of the one which exists merely in their own mind. And yet, if a person is only going to listen to themselves, then there are no other people in their own eyes. There is only one— there is only themselves— and there is nothing else past it. In their solitude they are separated from all other people, and so they themselves are just as separate from humanity.
My family is big and loud, made up of roughly five, all living together under the same roof, though sometimes with all that goes on it can feel like more… with all the noise of yelling and fighting I’m sure that— especially to the neighbors— it can sound like more as well. Still, five or so people under a roof, and yet humanity resides nowhere beneath this roof. We’re all people, and yet still just separate persons, each individual and unable to be grouped together as a people. That's not to label any of us as bad persons… and yet it’s also not to label any of us as decent ones either; I suppose I’ll leave that up to you. Though I can’t quite pin where everyone else has lost their humanity, I can speak for myself: I was born without any humanity.
I was born into a house of abuse and child neglect, a house in which two children had already been brought into, and a father had been continuously kicked out of and begged back into. I was born into a house where not even the eldest could trust one another, and later torn from that house into the foster care system. I was torn from one home to another, issues with the families came one after the other. I was molested by my eldest brother at least two times, only counting major events, and then initially— prior to a month worth of pushing— denied belief from my father when telling him such.
I’ve told all these troubles, or at minimum snippets of each, to these people under my roof. Yet, rather than meet with a listening ear, they’ve twisted my stories into their own. They’ve stolen my tears, crying them for me, and leaving me left to try and comfort them; to listen to them. But who am I to complain when I am no better?
I have no humanity. From the moment I was born, I was held onto the inability to trust. I can hear people— therapists and what have you— when they try to help me relearn to trust, and I truly do try to listen… but all I can do is hear. How could one relearn something that was never taught? Or rather, how could one teach what was never truly there? From the moment I had opened my eyes, I was faced with a world of danger. As much as I wish it were an exaggeration or a pinch of extra angst, it’s all just true. Simple and raw and true.
My entire growing up I’ve been damaged by those I was meant to trust.
And so I can not trust, nor can I listen to the reasons I could.
And so I am a person of my own, and I am without trust.
And I am without listening.
And I am without humanity.

Just a little heads up, this will get pretty long. So I (19f) grew up in a strict Christian household with two younger siblings. In my opinion, my parents were too controlling during my childhood. Of course I understand kids aren’t always going to like their parents’ rules, but I seriously think they took it to a whole other level. For example, we weren’t allowed to read or watch anything that had magic like Harry Potter and Sofia the first because it was demonic. We couldn’t close our bedroom doors because if we did, it meant we were trying to do something we weren’t supposed to. We never got to go hang out with friends around town like other teens because they were scared for our safety. They were also the strict no boys type and we’d get in trouble if they even found texts from guy friends. I remember one specific day where my parents found my text thread with a guy friend from school, strictly platonic, and my parents threatened to take away ALL of my little privileges if they found out I was talking to anymore boys. And to put a cherry on all this, my mom (who was the more Christian parent) would always weaponize God when we miss behaved to make us feel guilty and fall back in line.
Don’t get me wrong, we had a good childhood, my parents provided everything for us and more, and always express how much they love us. But, it was just things like this that made me want to distance myself. Early my freshman year of college, I met a guy who eventually became my amazing loving boyfriend. We’ve been dating for a year and three months now and I moved in with him fairly early into the relationship. My parents of course were not happy about this and the days leading up to them finding out was absolute torture for my anxiety. They believe that moving in and premarital sex is a huge shame and sin, and that my boyfriend is “stringing me along.”
It’s so frustrating when my mom says this to me when she’s met him on several occasions and appears to get along with him well. She said that if he loves me enough to live with me, he should love me enough to put a ring on my finger and make it right in God’s eyes. As I’ve mentioned… I’m 19 years old and am in college. I study full time while also working full time in order to pay for my education. I also have other bills like car note, insurance, etc. My boyfriend pays for the rent and our necessities and I help with groceries. We’ve only been dating for a year and some change and are still learning so much about ourselves and each other. That being said, we are in no financial position to get married. I want my wedding to be a celebration, a big day where all of my family come together to celebrate my marriage. I explained this to my mom and she said I don’t have to get a fancy ring and that a marriage license is less than $100…. Completely missing the point!
I told her I don’t want to just throw something together just to say I’m married and that I envisioned something different for my life. The she just blatantly said “So would you want to stand before God and tell him that or live with the man you love without having to lie to people?” By lying to people she means I don’t share with my family that I live with my boyfriend. She thinks I’m embarrassed but I’d just prefer to avoid family judgments. I openly share it with friends and others and no one bats an eye. At that point in the conversation, I just gave up gave mom the answers she wanted to end the conversation. She said she felt so much lighter now that the tension between us was gone, but I was feeling very dissatisfied.
I called my boyfriend and told him about the conversation and he told me that what my mom said was disrespectful to our relationship and future marriage. He expressed that I should go back and tell her how her last comment made me feel. So I sent my mom this: “Hey mom this comment honestly left a really bad taste in my mouth. It feels like God was weaponized during this conversation and it makes me feel like I should rush into a marriage to keep God and my family happy rather than for my own happiness. I’m not embarrassed to say I live with T, I just don’t want the negative judgement that I know will come with it. I want to get married when me and my partner are ready, not when society deems I should be married. Like I said me and T have the same ideas for what we want our wedding/marriage to be like. I have never once felt used by T and don’t feel “strung along” at all. I really wish this wasn’t brought up every time I bring up T…”
I sent this a few days ago and she hasn’t responded at all. She’s never ignored me like this and she knows that I’m an overthinker so why would she do something to make me overthink? She still reacts to the texts I send in the family group chat but she hasn’t said anything back to my private text. Why is she ignoring me? Why does she want her 19 year old daughter to rush into a marriage rather than wait and get to know her partner? Should I text her again and ask why she hasn’t responded? I don’t know if this is actually abuse or if I’m just blowing things out of proportion. Please give me your opinions and advice.

I’ve seen the numerous posts warning going back to a pwbpd. Mine broke up with me a month ago (while living with me) and went and had sex with someone and made a tinder all while sleeping next to me every night. Also while leaving me in financial ruin and mental and verbally abusing me daily, going into rages telling me the most vile things about myself such as no man will ever love me, he thought of other women every time we had sex, I was disgusting pitiful cancerous pathetic the list goes on. It was probably the most traumatic month of my life, I lost 15 pounds, have insomnia and visibly am still in shambles. He told me he thought he had bpd about 6 months ago and I started reading up on it and everything made sense. He had a traumatic childhood, in short term foster homes his entire life. I love him so much and knew that he was sick and had been through unimaginable pain. I knew he had to protect himself and was always left and I wanted him to know I would protect him always and would never leave him.
After this month of horror and dealing with someone who I didn’t recognize, after one night of raging on me I guess I said something that struck a chord finally and he broke down. He took down the mask and cried to me for hours. Telling me about how he knows he’s sick and he’s been in these cycles his entire life and ruined every relationship. He said he’d do anything to stop living like this. He said he didn’t mean anything he said that he only wanted to hurt me because he was hurt. He even told me he believes he has narcissistic traits which i definitely had thought before but thought i was being too harsh. I told him he needed to start therapy and remember this night and hold on to that clarity, that he couldn’t revert after this and be in denial. I then spent a few days writing out a letter that I read to him detailing my boundaries and that I would stick by him through whatever but that I couldn’t accept abuse or cheating.
I was so nervous to bring it to him because I thought he may not take it well and as you know we walk on eggshells with these people but I had studied up on ways to communicate with your partner with bpd and put a lot of thought into it. His response was pulling me close and telling me he loved me. I decided that I was giving him a fresh clean slate to be the best him he could be, who he wanted to be, I thought. I didn’t treat him as if he just cheated on me 2 weeks prior. We had a great week. 2 days ago I had an important exam and woke up anxious and told him. He was trying to make me feel better but I guess I didn’t respond to him in the way he wanted and he changed his tone and I asked him why he was being rude to me, this upset him so he walked outside without saying anything to leave. I followed after him which I shouldn’t have, and he told me to shut up and leave him alone. My exam was in one hour, I was crying and a mess, he tried to quickly make up for it and move past it and prepare me for my exam but I definetley failed. I let it go and didn’t let it ruin the day. Things were good but in the back of my mind I wondered did he subconsciously intentionally try to mess up a day he knew was so important to me, but I was sweet and let it go. Yesterday morning things felt off. He wasn’t as cheery as he had been the rest of the week, and left to work and didn’t message me the entire morning or afternoon. When he got home i let him know that I felt like things were off and was sad that he didn’t kiss me when he came in or talk to me throughout the day. I’m an anxious attachment style anyways and my love language is definitely touch. Besides that I was just cheated on and told by the man I love how awful I am, so despite me playing it so cool I do feel insecure and distrusting of him and when he will switch.
To make a long story short, he doesn’t take it well. I try to communicate calmly and tell him that these things don’t need to be turned into this, that he could have simply hugged me and let me know nothing was wrong and that I made it clear it was his responsibility to help reassure me through this process. He flips everything on me, somehow is the victim who isn’t enough or doesn’t do enough and says he’s done and this isn’t worth it to him. Goes to sleep, wake up at 7 leaves doesn’t say a word to me all day. Gets home at 5 and acts like nothing really happened but still no kiss or I love you and of course no recognition of what’s happened. At this point I’m so tired of the weird games. I ask him is he comfortable with this weirdness. That he could have just hugged me today and apologized and moved forward. But his pride doesn’t allow him to do that. It turned into a huge ordeal and I tried to remind him of our conversation where he had a moment of clarity, everything he told me, and it got no where. He denied everything and tried to flip it all on me. Said he thinks I’m being emotionally unstable because I just got off my birth control not because I’m being gaslit cheated on and manipulated by the man I’ve given my everything to. Took no accountability and just ends it with what’s easiest, that this isn’t gonna work. I tell him I took him back after the biggest betrayal of my life because I believed him that he was aware of his issues and that he needed to work on them and couldn’t hurt me anymore. He tells me no, he took ME back. He doesn’t live in reality and it’s honestly terrifying, for him and for me being in love with him. I’m not crying right now. I don’t even know what’s real anymore. My life just feels like a bad acid trip. Words couldn’t describe how I feel. I question if it’s rubbing off on me. I feel an incredible emptiness and confusion now from going through this manipulation and trauma. I have my second therapy appt tomorrow. I can’t make sense of anything in my life. I’ve just tried to be a good person and love him and it seems he is incapable of giving me that back. I’ve accepted that this won’t work but still feel guilt and pain that he will continue to suffer through life. I don’t want him to be alone. I wanted to be that one person that never left him. But it feels like he cannot care for me or think of me in the same capacity and sometimes that he wants to actually destroy me.

Animal‌-Man/Swamp‌ ‌Thing

Issue‌ 32:‌ ‌ The Pale Wanderer
Written‌ ‌by‌ ‌Deadislandman1
Edited‌ ‌by‌ PatrollinTheMojave
 
Next‌ ‌Issue‌ ‌> ‌Coming‌ ‌Soon
 
Arc: Flesh and Bark‌ ‌
 ‌ ‌
‌  ‌ ‌
Then
An arc of purple lightning flashed across the night sky of the Boneyard, splitting the dark sky in twain as Capucine trudged across the ashy wastes of the realm. A cold gale ripped through the land, chilling the warrior to the bone, yet after centuries of time living in the Rot’s home realm, it felt identical to the ocean breeze that graced her every evening of her monastic childhood. Anxious, she fiddled with her leather armor, tightening every strap and support to make sure they were all in the right positions. She double checked that her sheath was properly tied to her belt, and that the steel sword within was sharp and clean.
He would catch up to her sooner or later, almost certainly before she made it to the portal. It wasn’t hard to pick that fact up. The Boneyard always became a little rougher when he wasn’t happy. She’d endeavored to spare him a difficult conversation, but perhaps that was too optimistic a hope. He was smart for someone his age, even if he’d made such a grave mistake.
Perhaps she was trying to spare herself the labor of having a conversation, rather than trying to keep the adolescent Avatar’s emotions in check. Perhaps she was just running from her problems, something she couldn’t remember ever doing before. Perhaps her ambitions to steer the young Avatar towards better decisions was the wrong choice on her part.
…No. Her advice was invaluable, she knew that much, and William Holland took that advice well. She just wasn’t in much of a position to give advice anymore.
Climbing atop an gray, dusty hill, Capucine gazed at the portal back to the physical world, composed of a miasma of swirling bones and inky fluids. To the unadjusted nose, it smelled absolutely foul, but to Capucine it smelled no different than the rest of the Boneyard. This was her ticket back, to somewhere where she’d do… something.
She didn’t know what that something was. In fact, she felt nauseous at the idea of wandering the world for centuries yet again with no real goal or purpose, though when considering the alternative, Capucine was ready to step right through the portal, even if her reason for leaving was so small in the grand scheme of things.
Breathless, Capucine took one step towards the portal, only for a boom of thunder to shake the realm. Capucine stopped dead in her tracks, sighing. William didn’t need to say anything to get her attention, as she turned around, coming face to face with the young Avatar.
He’d grown quite a bit in the three years she’d been advising him. His mane of red hair had regained some of its color, and across his pale face stood the beginnings of a beard, with bits of pronounced stubble around his chin and above his lips. He remained as gaunt as ever, yet he’d also grown much taller since his beginning as the Rot’s leader. He looked Capucine in the eyes, keeping his expression as blank as possible, “I got your note.”
Capucine narrowed her eyes, “So you did.”
William’s bottom lip quivered, “There’s no way I can change your mind…is there?”
“Not that I can see,” Capucine remarked.
William’s head drifted to the side as he attempted to avert his gaze, hiding his eyes from Capucine behind his wild hair. He choked back something, maybe a sob, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I said. It was a mistake.”
Capucine took a step forward, feeling the urge to console the boy, yet as she reached out towards him, she found herself frozen by trepidation. She was not a woman of gentle words, and this was a situation that called for them. Rescinding her hand, she stepped back towards the portal, “What’s done is done. I do not hate you, William Arcane, but I cannot stay here.”
Capucine turned her back on William, readying herself to step through the portal. She took one step, then another before William spoke once more, “Tefé.”
Capucine stopped, electing not to turn back and face the young Avatar. Realizing that she was waiting for him to continue, William spoke again, “My sister. I know her, she’s got a good heart, but she’s not like me. She’s not an Avatar. She could always use someone to watch her back.”
For a moment, Capucine did not answer, and the silence seemed to push William to take a few steps back. Turning, he began to walk away, unable to think of much else to say, when Capucine finally answered back, “If she is the sister of William Arcane…then I know her to be someone of good character. Your advice is invaluable, Avatar. Thank you.”
Without another word, Capucine stepped through the portal, disappearing from the Boneyard. William stared at the portal for what felt like hours before he finally shuddered, his shaky breathing accompanied by a single tear that froze up on its way down his cheek, stopping short as a bead of ice just before it fell off of his jaw.
Now
“So you’re here because my brother suggested it?”
“That’s correct.”
Capucine answered Tefé’s inquiry in a dry manner, keeping most of her focus on cleaning the gasoline off her sword with a rag. She sat upon the corpse of the formerly living infected tree, using it as a comfortable log of sorts while Maxine and Tefé remained in their canoe, having managed to dock it by tying it to a nearby set of protruding roots. It was about noon now, and the Florida heat had become unbearable. Maxine wiped her forehead, expecting that she’d probably be dead without the trees as a shield from the sun.
Tefé rubbed her throat, recovering from the vice grip of the tree, “I…how is he? He’s not in trouble is he?”
“Far from it. Your brother is doing better than most. He’s got a keen mind for leadership, and the Rot endures with him as its head,” Capucine sheathed her sword. “He doesn’t need my advice anymore, and I do the world no favors remaining at his side. If I am to continue the preservation of a better world, then it’s best I accompany you instead.”
Tefé grumbled a little, but also couldn’t help but smile, “So the little rascal thinks I need a hand, huh? Thinks I need advice.”
Tefé smirked, then looked up at Capucine, “Got any words of wisdom for me?”
Capucine looked down at the tree carcass, then back at Tefé, “Don’t get grabbed by monstrous trees.”
Tefé swallowed, “Yeah…sound advice.”
Maxine stared at the water, noting that its viscosity had remained unchanged, “Uh…guys? I think there are more gasoline trees somewhere out there. I feel like it would’ve cleared up at least a little bit.”
Capucine jumped into the canoe, breaking the rope keeping it moored with her bare hands, “Then we find the source of the infestation, and remove it.”
Maxine and Tefé didn’t do anything to impede Capucine’s actions, though they were certainly taken aback by this old English era woman taking charge of their mission. Without a word, Capucine grabbed a paddle and began rowing upstream, her toned build making what was a laborious task for Tefé effortless. The trio moved upstream at a rapid pace, with Capucine barely making a single grunt or noise as she paddled onward. As the hours went by, the water to gasoline ratio of the river continued to tip in the gasoline’s favor, to the point that eventually Capucine looked like she was putting real effort into her paddling.
Tefé stared at the woman, unsure of what to make of her, “So…Capucine?”
“Yes?”
“I know your name, I know you’ve been…advising my brother. What else do you do? What’s your story?”
Capucine frowned, “To be brief…I was born over a thousand years ago in Lindisfarne Abbey. What happened after is a personal matter, and one I’d rather not discuss. Similarly, discussing how I came to be immortal, and what I’ve done in the many centuries afterwards would doubtlessly be a fruitless and boring exercise. That energy is better spent rowing.”
Tefé raised an eyebrow, “Okay….then, why are you doing any of this? What drives you to help us?”
Capucine paused for a moment, allowing the canoe to slow in its approach upriver. Then, she snorted, a small smile forming as she began to paddle once more, “I’ve lived long enough to know this is a good place, a good world. I like it intact and alive, and I’d do whatever it takes to keep it that way.”
“Uh…good answer,” Tefé turned her attention to the rest of the forest, watching carefully for threats. Capucine was certainly blunt, and maybe a little scary looking, but from what she could tell the woman wasn’t much of a danger. If she wanted to learn more, she could do that after the case of Silver Springs was solved.
Maxine grimaced, staring at the thick gasoline they were rowing through, “What do you think is causing this stuff? The closest thing I can think of is the Rot but…part of me can’t put that picture together.”
“Because this is not the Rot’s doing. William is well aware of these kinds of problems, and manages them well. He would never allow something like this to escalate as far as it has,” Capucine grunted, her sheath rattling against the interior of the canoe. “This is something different.”
“Oil’s a fossil fuel, right?” Maxine asked, “Could there be any connection?”
“Perhaps, but this isn’t just oil, it’s gasoline. It’s processed,” Capucine grunted, the act of rowing becoming tougher. “Something is turning the oil into Gasoline. Maybe it’s the trees, maybe it’s something else.”
“But what force would do that? There’s definitely something magical going on about these things,” Maxine asked.
Capucine frowned, “I am…unsure. I’ve not heard of any force that pertains to these properties. Perhaps one of them has evolved. Such an occurrence is not unheard of; the Red does it all the time.”
“Or maybe…someone’s twisting a force into something it isn’t,” said Tefé. “Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out soon enough.”
Eventually, the boat rounded a corner, passing another infected tree. Maxine and Tefé readied themselves, only for Capucine to keep paddling, “Do not bother with them. They’re symptoms, not the cause.”
Maxine raised an eyebrow, “And the cause is….where?”
Capucine pointed down the river, and past a muddy, poisoned shore sat an entire row of the ailing cypresses, encircling a clearing of some kind. As the canoe pushed up against the mid, Capucine trudged out, making her way towards the clearing with her hand on her longsword’s hilt. The trees seemed to regard her, blatantly still conscious, yet they did not attack. Maxine and Tefé followed in trepidation, eyeing the trees in suspicion.
“Why aren’t they attacking?” Maxine asked.
“I don’t know,” Capucine remarked. “Perhaps they’re afraid.”
“Of you…or of something else?” Tefé wondered aloud.
As the three entered the clearing, they came across a sight none of them would have expected…a human heart.
It laid in the mud, rooted by cartilage that snaked its way beneath the earth. It beat with a satisfying rhythm, pulsating as if it still rested inside the body of a living man. A thick liquid permeated the mud, shifting outward from the heart.
Gasoline.
Capucine drew her sword, preparing to stab the heart with it. Eyes wide, Maxine jumped in front of her, “Woah woah woah, what are you doing?!”
“I’m removing the problem,” Capucine remarked.
“But…but…we don’t know what this thing even is?”
Capucine sneered at Maxine, “Is it not obvious? Someone or something has perverted an object of the Red, and that infection is spreading to the Green. With its removal, this area can begin healing.”
“How can you know that for sure? I’m the Avatar of the Red, and I can’t feel any trace of the Red in there,” Maxine exclaimed.
“Then the corruption of the object has completely overridden its connection to the Red. All the more reason to destroy it.”
Maxine whirled around, staring at Tefé for help. Tefé opened her mouth to protest, yet she was unsure of how to proceed. On the one hand, the Green was suffering, this place was suffering. Getting rid of the heart seemed like the right answer, yet Maxine was right as well. They knew practically nothing about this heart, and if the trees weren’t attacking them, maybe it was an invitation to learn more.
Before she could voice her opinion on one approach or the other though, a new voice made itself known, a raspy, texan accent that came from vocal chords that didn’t realize they were long past their expiration date.
“Well, if you’d let me speak…I’d love to tell you why I deserve to live!”
The trio assumed defensive stances as the ground rumbled around the heart, at which point a dozen or so ribs began to poke out of the mud around the heart, followed by rotten yet well preserved flesh. The heart and ribs rose with the flesh, revealing a man with an open chest as he picked himself up from out of the mud. He was wearing an old coat and pants, and wore only one sock on his feet. Inconsistent, matted hair hung from his head, covered up slightly by a ruined cowboy hat. An ugly stubble dotted his cheeks, paired with yellow teeth and milky white eyes. He smiled, raising what looked to be an old revolver to his chin to scratch it with the barrel. With the other hand, he reached out to shake any of the trio’s hands, “Howdy folks. Pale Wanderer, representing the Parliament of Gears…how are you doing this fine day?”
The trio looked at each other in confusion, then Capucine spoke, “What are you? Are you the cause of the Malady plaguing this land.”
“Well…I wouldn’t call it a malady per-se! More of a necessary sacrifice.” The Pale Wanderer tipped his hat up. “As for what I am? Well honey…I’m a crusader. A force meant to alleviate suffering, and right now? That suffering is…well, it’s not exactly something any of the flora or fauna here really give a shit about.”
“And what’s that?” Tefé asked.
“Well…it’s a bit of a logistical nightmare to explain, but it starts with oil!” The Pale Wanderer gestured towards the ground. “We’re a car based society, here in the United States I mean! Trouble is, gas prices are fuckin’ outrageous these days, right?”
Capucine narrowed her eyes, “I do not see how that should concern us.”
“I’m not finished!” The Pale Wanderer remarked. “The average American has to pay an arm and a leg for gas nowadays, and they need gas if they want to get anywhere. Have a job, wanna see family, need to make a trip to the grocery store? Need to pay for gas if you wanna to any of that! Trouble is, gas comes from oil, and oil? It’s getting rarer by the minute…that’s why I made this place!”
The Pale Wanderer raised his arms, gesturing to the gasoline laced mud and the producing trees, “Think about it! More Gasoline means the market price of Gasoline’s gonna go down, which means gas is cheaper for everyone! At least, I think that’s how it works! Plus, my Gas is A+ quality, even comes in Diesel!”
As The Pale Wanderer continued on about his tirade on Gas prices, Maxine and Tefé shared a confused glance at each other. They’d never encountered something like this before, something this unusual, this keyed in and calculated in purpose yet scattershot in reasoning. The only thing two of them seemed to fixate on though was something the Pale Wanderer said when he introduced himself.
The Parliament of Gears.
Tefé stepped forward, “You said you were part of the Parliament of Gears? What is that? I’ve never heard of them.”
“Oh, That’s cause we’re new on the block, sweetie, but glad to be here,” The Pale Wanderer remarked. “Not qualified to sell them overall though, you’ll have to talk to marketing for that.”
“Enough!” Capucine declared, holding the point of the sword at the Pale Wanderer. “Your reasons for poisoning this place are simplistic and needless. Leave, or I will make you leave!”
The Pale Wanderer raised an eyebrow, “See, now I don’t like comments like that! We’re all just having a lovely discussion and now all you wanna do is escalate! Things don’t have to be this way! Maybe we can work something out?”
Tefé glanced between Capucine and the Pale Wanderer, making an educated guess that Capucine wasn’t the type to back down in these sorts of situations. Furthermore, she had a point. This place was suffering, and no matter the Pale Wanderer’s intentions, that was something that wouldn’t stand, “We don’t want to fight you, but what you’re doing is…horrifying. You’re killing everything around here for…Gasoline! We can’t stand by and let that happen.”
The Pale Wanderer glanced at Tefé, a glum look on his face. Maxine seemed to be holder her breath somewhat, but there was no question that she was on Tefé and Capucine’s side. Sighing, The Pale Wanderer scratched his thigh with his gun, “So that’s how it is?”
Capucine’s grip on her sword tightened, “That’s how it is.”
The Pale Wanderer pursed his lips, “...Well, if we’ve got no more words to share…I guess we better hop to it.”
The wanderer raised his revolver, only for Capucine to surge forward at lightning speed, piercing him in the heart with her sword. For a moment, he was still, motionless, and Capucine stared him dead in the eyes. Then, he shifted, and after meeting her gaze, he began to laugh, his guffawing causing gasoline to spurt from his heart and onto Capucine’s sword and armor, “Hah! Good try!”
Capucine attempted to back away from the Wanderer, only for him to grab her wrist, keeping her and the sword wedged firmly in his body. Raising his weapon, he prepared to put a bullet in Capucine’s eyes, only for her to deliver a swift fist to his arm, knocking the gun out of his hands. Smiling, he took advantage of his newly freed hand, grabbing her by the throat and squeezing tight. As Capucine struggled for air, the Wanderer could only hoot and holler, “Whooo-weeee! We’re getting down to it now!”
Maxine and Tefé rushed to help the ancient warrior, only for a mob of living trees to encroach upon them, blocking their way while attempting to grab or smash them with their heavy branched arms. Maxine dove to the left, dodging the crushing slam of one tree, while Tefé slipped through the roots of another, narrowly avoiding being picked up again. Separated, the two tried to get a read on each other while avoiding harm, yet it was difficult for either of them to really do anything to help Capucine.
They were both far from the Red and the Green’s safety. No animal would go anywhere near the Pale Wanderer, meaning Maxine’s powers were utterly neutered. Similarly, there was no living plant life near the battlefield, meaning Tefé couldn’t use her powers either. If they wanted to get out of this, they would need to think outside the box.
And that’s when Tefé spotted the Wanderer’s revolver sitting in the mud, and a wild idea crossed her mind as she scanned it and the gasoline laden ground around it. She glanced at Maxine, then to the gun, and Maxine seemed to pick up on what she was thinking. It was a gambit, an insane gambit, but without much power to draw on, it might be their only shot.
Together, the two began to race for the gun, trying desperately to keep out of the reach of the trees. Tefé tried to get there quickly, yet she found herself pursued by a half dozen trees, pressured by their presence. Maxine was closer, and managed to pick up the gun as Tefé was halfway over, only for a tree to come barreling towards her. She whirled around to run, only to snag her foot on a dead root, causing her to trip and fall. Afraid of losing their one chance at Victory, Maxine shared a split second look with Tefé before throwing the gun towards the Pale Wanderer, just as the tree came down on her. It stretched out its arms, its branches ensnaring her and trapping her in place.
Her mind in overdrive, Tefé pivoted and raced for the Pale Wanderer, leaping over the swinging branches of another tree in order to catch the gun. Capucine gasped for air, her eyes glazing over as the Wanderer choked the life out of her, laughing like a madman. With the trees about to grab her, Tefé leapt for the Wanderer’s back, looping one arm around his neck to hold on while planting the gun’s barrel against the gasoline soaked sword, “Stop!”
The trees froze in place, including the one holding Maxine captive. The Pale Wanderer raised his eyebrow, loosening his grip on Capucine and allowing her to breath, “What’s this now? Ready to call it quits?”
Tefé gritted her teeth, “I’m ready to make a deal, and if you refuse, I’ll blow us all sky high! Even you won’t survive that, will you?”
“The hell’re you…” The Pale Wanderer looked down at the gun planted against the sword, and finally realized what was at stake. There was a reason smoking a cigarette at a gas station was a stupid idea, and Tefé was willing to demonstrate. A bullet crashing against steel would cause sparks, and sparks can light many fires, especially ones where the ground was soaked in gasoline. She’s set miles of forest on fire, to nuke the entire place from the ground up….and from the tone of her words, the Wanderer knew Tefé meant it, “Ohhhhh…Clever girl….Ha! So, you’ve got me. What do you want from me?”
Tefé let out a grunt of exhaustion, “I want you…to fuck off and never come back here. Got it?”
The Wanderer chuckled, then winked at Capucine, letting go of her and allowing her to pull out the sword, “Well then, a deal’s a deal.”
Snapping his fingers, The Wanderer watched as every tree around him began to dissolve into an inky ooze, including the one holding onto Maxine, who became drencheds in the stuff. Similarly, the Wanderer himself began to dissolve, though much more slowly. As he sank into the earth, he looked up at Tefé and Capucine, “This place’ll return to what it once was, but don’t count me out just yet. We’ll be seeing each other…oh, and keep the gun. Think of it as a gift from little ol’ me.”
Eventually, the Pale Wanderer was gone, not even his hat remaining, leaving Maxine, Tefé, and Capucine to stare at the spot he once occupied. The crisis at hand was solved, at least as far as they knew, but the problems were only just beginning.
A new force of nature was here, and it did not seem to be a peaceful one.
 
Next Issue: A Trip to somewhere new!
 

Yesterday was her birthday, I was doing okay on no contact for about 3-4 weeks. First week was the worst, broke it and realized how much of a mistake it was. I don’t know why but it physically and mentally killed me these past few days and I think it was because her birthday was coming up. I didn’t directly wish her happy birthday but sent her something to her house, couldn’t break my promise. Don’t know how she felt about that but whatever. I can’t do this anymore, I’m better than this. I haven’t been eating, haven’t been focused on school, I’ve been truthfully rotting these few days. I have a few friends I can cope to but I try not to because I don’t want to put them through that. It’s funny how I feel like I’m turning into her old version. I’m just letting my feelings out because I’m so tired of keeping it in my head. I loved her, she said she loved me. I don’t know how someone can say those exact words and not prove it to me, work things out with me if you truly feel that way. And then asking to be friends after a 8-9 month long situationship. I genuinely hate this generation, I feel like I’m more mature than people my age group. Sucks cause I felt she was too and still think that. I’m tired man I really am, how did I go from a straight A student involved in sports to a heartbroken, lonely, anxiety filled college student in a year. I still have feelings to work things out again, but time is powerful and healing. Whatever happens, happens. Starting tomorrow I’m going to change, I’m straight up just ruining myself. Shivering while typing this lol. I have to work on myself this summer and focus on school, I have no excuse not to. I’m promising myself tomorrow everything changes and I’m beating this version of myself. Straight work and grind throughout the summer, then going to live on campus and continue the process. I have so many ambitions and things on my bucket list I want to complete. If she doesn’t want to be with me then I have to live with that. All that matters is myself, my family, and my friends. God willing I can be shown to a path that’ll lead me to the light.
sorry for the rant i just wanted to let all my feelings out without just leaving it in my notes or whatever, feel free to kill me in the comments i dont care

TL;DR: My boyfriend (26M) and I (27F) met online and started a long-distance relationship before I moved to his hometown. His large, close-knit family lives nearby, and I'm introverted and recently diagnosed with autism. I want to tell them about my diagnosis, but he's hesitant. Living here is affecting my mental health, but he's reluctant to move. I feel stuck and unsure if I should keep trying to make him understand or if it's time to give up.
My boyfriend (m26) and I (f27) met online through mutual friends and started talking on nightly on the phone for about a year before we met in person, started a long-distance exclusive relationship, and then he convinced me to move away from my family and rural town all the way to his hometown right outside of one of the largest cities in America. So my family is 7 hours away and I don't have any friends or anyone I personally know nearby.
His family is very large and tight-knit and most of them live a few minutes from the house we rent so any one of his many siblings, his parents, uncles and aunts, cousins, nieces and nephews, and his friends could show up at any given moment. We run into them almost every time we go out.
The thing is, I'm pretty introverted and recently learned that I am autistic. My boyfriend's psychologist also thinks he may be on the spectrum too.
We've been learning about masking and how it's awful for mental health and tonight I asked if maybe I could disclose to his immediate family (parents and siblings) about my diagnosis so they know when I'm being distant that it's not anything to do with them, I'm just overstimulated and autistic and sometimes cannot attend every social event or gathering.
My boyfriend says he has already told his family that he's most likely on the spectrum and he claims they were accepting but when I asked if I could possibly open up and let his family know he reacted oddly and essentially kept bringing up how his dad would not understand and would probably make fun of me....
He said his dad and a few of his brothers are immature and wouldn't understand and that just made me feel even more abnormal and broken.
I told him that living here is taking a toll on my mental health, that I'm growing depressed and suicidal, that I feel lonely and isolated and like I can't step outside without fear of running into his family or friends and having to mask constantly is ruining my sense of self. I told him that knowing they wouldn't accept me just makes that so much worse and impossible for me to relax when going to the grocery store or even grab a coffee because no matter what one of his family members will engage with me and expect me to always be perfectly social and friendly.
He doesn't really want to move away from his hometown but he gets emotional and says he doesn't want to lose me. I asked if he could break out of his comfort zone and consider moving even 30mins away and eventually he agreed but he has such a negative attitude about it.
The whole conversation resulting in my crying and locking myself in the guest room because it's impossible to talk to him without feeling like I'm not worth him giving me the same energy I've given him.
I gave up job opportunities, friendship and family, and the safe rural environment I knew. I am not asking him to cut out his family, I'm not asking him for move near mine, I'm just asking we don't live in such close proximity that they're always around everywhere I go.
He really insists that he loves me, says he wants to get engaged and married, constantly talks about our future children, and yet he cannot give me a clear plan or show actual steps towards making life comfortable for the both of us.
I don't know what to do. I haven't told anyone I know because I don't want them to view him poorly or just convince me to leave. How do I help him understand? Is it worth trying? Or should I just give up?

Just a little heads up, this will get pretty long. So I (19f) grew up in a strict Christian household with two younger siblings. In my opinion, my parents were too controlling during my childhood. Of course I understand kids aren’t always going to like their parents’ rules, but I seriously think they took it to a whole other level. For example, we weren’t allowed to read or watch anything that had magic like Harry Potter and Sofia the first because it was demonic. We couldn’t close our bedroom doors because if we did, it meant we were trying to do something we weren’t supposed to. We never got to go hang out with friends around town like other teens because they were scared for our safety. They were also the strict no boys type and we’d get in trouble if they even found texts from guy friends. I remember one specific day where my parents found my text thread with a guy friend from school, strictly platonic, and my parents threatened to take away ALL of my little privileges if they found out I was talking to anymore boys. And to put a cherry on all this, my mom (who was the more Christian parent) would always weaponize God when we miss behaved to make us feel guilty and fall back in line.
Don’t get me wrong, we had a good childhood, my parents provided everything for us and more, and always express how much they love us. But, it was just things like this that made me want to distance myself. Early my freshman year of college, I met a guy who eventually became my amazing loving boyfriend. We’ve been dating for a year and three months now and I moved in with him fairly early into the relationship. My parents of course were not happy about this and the days leading up to them finding out was absolute torture for my anxiety. They believe that moving in and premarital sex is a huge shame and sin, and that my boyfriend is “stringing me along.”
It’s so frustrating when my mom says this to me when she’s met him on several occasions and appears to get along with him well. She said that if he loves me enough to live with me, he should love me enough to put a ring on my finger and make it right in God’s eyes. As I’ve mentioned… I’m 19 years old and am in college. I study full time while also working full time in order to pay for my education. I also have other bills like car note, insurance, etc. My boyfriend pays for the rent and our necessities and I help with groceries. We’ve only been dating for a year and some change and are still learning so much about ourselves and each other. That being said, we are in no financial position to get married. I want my wedding to be a celebration, a big day where all of my family come together to celebrate my marriage. I explained this to my mom and she said I don’t have to get a fancy ring and that a marriage license is less than $100…. Completely missing the point!
I told her I don’t want to just throw something together just to say I’m married and that I envisioned something different for my life. The she just blatantly said “So would you want to stand before God and tell him that or live with the man you love without having to lie to people?” By lying to people she means I don’t share with my family that I live with my boyfriend. She thinks I’m embarrassed but I’d just prefer to avoid family judgments. I openly share it with friends and others and no one bats an eye. At that point in the conversation, I just gave up gave mom the answers she wanted to end the conversation. She said she felt so much lighter now that the tension between us was gone, but I was feeling very dissatisfied.
I called my boyfriend and told him about the conversation and he told me that what my mom said was disrespectful to our relationship and future marriage. He expressed that I should go back and tell her how her last comment made me feel. So I sent my mom this: “Hey mom this comment honestly left a really bad taste in my mouth. It feels like God was weaponized during this conversation and it makes me feel like I should rush into a marriage to keep God and my family happy rather than for my own happiness. I’m not embarrassed to say I live with T, I just don’t want the negative judgement that I know will come with it. I want to get married when me and my partner are ready, not when society deems I should be married. Like I said me and T have the same ideas for what we want our wedding/marriage to be like. I have never once felt used by T and don’t feel “strung along” at all. I really wish this wasn’t brought up every time I bring up T…”
I sent this a few days ago and she hasn’t responded at all. She’s never ignored me like this and she knows that I’m an overthinker so why would she do something to make me overthink? She still reacts to the texts I send in the family group chat but she hasn’t said anything back to my private text. Why is she ignoring me? Why does she want her 19 year old daughter to rush into a marriage rather than wait and get to know her partner? Should I text her again and ask why she hasn’t responded? I don’t know if this is actually abuse or if I’m just blowing things out of proportion. Please give me your opinions and advice.

I was always the unassuming type. I could finish a day without speaking to anyone and the world could go on nonchalant. It was alright till I hit the teens. It was difficult to understand the hormones and the new sense of feelings that it kicked within me. Suddenly from a boy, I was a man. Only, nobody seems to notice. I had to make sense of this new waves of sensations that hits me very often especially when a girl walks past - her growing bosom, the widening hips. It was making sense somewhere but didnt know where. After the initial few years, it was amply clear to me that I am not among the preferred list of boys for girls to giggle or gossip about. I was another chap - decent in studies, helpful when asked.
Adulthood was no different. Once the resignation to a life of solitude was internalized, it seemed seemingly easy to walk past the hot chicks while maintaining a stoic face; only if they looked below they would have seen how much my penis failed me. Porn was a relief to start with. A cope up mechanism and even before I realized, it was an addiction. Imaginations ran wild as I stroked myself to pleasure again after again - at times upto 4 to 6 times a day. As my body aged faster than my mind was growing, it was the only solace. With time, the stoking became mechanical and the pleasure sensations seem to go unnoticed even for me.
As I near 40, it was time to change. Time to grab the life by its neck and chock till it squirmed the way I wanted. In Feb I started hitting the gym. I started losing fat. My jawlines started shaping. My confidence started building. My arms, my chests and my legs - all of them started showing a defined muscles. I feel younger. My confidence building up. The beast in me started wagging its tail, licking its lips.
One of the prominent fantasy I have is to be with a women who wears a saree below her navel. If she has good cleavage then jannat. I have always admired a woman in a saree. The many teleseries with women in saree have made be obsessed with this fantasy. I want to unleash the beast within me. Take her down. Grope her. Squeeze her melons. Suck her nipples. Take her from behind. Make her boobs swing with every thrust. Choke her with my arms as I ride her like no tomorrow. Pleasure will only be mine. The beast needs its prey. I want her to moan; to shout my name with every thrust. To scream in lust, to cry in ecstasy. I want to feel the warmth of releasing my jism inside her. Feel my penis pulse as it ejaculates in her fertile pussy. Sense her breath; the panting. Smell her sweat. I want to be the beast that I am within.
The fantasy has become an obsession now. It is unproductive and hinders my thoughts. I lose my focus and gives me a boner each time I think of a woman in a saree - oh! her tantalizing navel fluttering beneath the saree as the pallu swings with the breeze. The beast in me sighs loudly. Determined. It needs its release.

Now with hango arc slowly starting to the final stages I wonder form this arc how big truly is Zhao military in the manga and with mother nature giving Zhao a earthquake and a famine in the following years (depending if hara wants to show it) we might see how much will be easily killed off. Now we don't know the number of some of these forces but we can estimate by using the characters speech bubbles.
Now first of with the north Zhao force that we know the size of being 300k. Also with this 300k force from chapter 794 is a unknown army that will block/harass Qin's retreat. I'm guessing this army is probably around 60k or more spread out across a wide area.
The second force is near Buan/Kantan. From chapter 771 Ouhon made a statement saying he defend the two castle near Riboku's wall and pushed the enemy force back every time. So with that the force has to be big enough to attack so I would think it's around 150k to 200k or more. I'm going to say it's probably around 180k
Now the final Zhao force and its a eastern surprisingly. If like me you may have forgotten a character we saw only once while ordo gotten his ass beat by SBS His name is Chouhaku the Slow ( Yan soldiers called him slow for some reason). But he invaded and took two Yan cities so I would say the eastern army is around 40k to 60k nothing big but enough to take two cities. Also to make note in chapter 502 riboku did say that the eastern front isn't without its defenses so it could be more but I would say at least 60k.
Now an army worth mentioning is Kisui with his 30k rigan army somewhere in the heart of Zhao. But with that Zhao depending on what you could estimate with some of these forces but it totals up to 630k.......now depending on how hara handles Zhao for the future that number could increase or it will start to slowly crumble down into a small force until reaching the barren north where Dai will breath until its last breath years later. But if any of you have a take on this let me know because I'm curious what you guys think.

Need advice pls, Also TW possibly ahead. Had a real Shit day today.

Started off aight. Had a dream I was spiderman, and this time didn’t run outta my web fluid mid-swing 🤣😭

I had a shower was all good but after that. Shit only went down hill. (In the shit way) So I showered, and got ready to go get my T shot. Because I’m due today. (This was on Monday and it’s now Thursday 😭) So I got ready all except my shoes and grabbing the actual box of T to take with me. Went to look for the box. It’s gone.

(For context my mum had been in my room, had admitted to “cleaning up the floor a little and taking out the rubbish”)

Right so ideally id like to assume my mum hasn’t taken it. Because I’d like to assume my mum wouldn’t push her opinions of my decisions on me like that. So I’m just gonna say it was on the floor and she put it in the medicine cabinet or in the bathroom with my other ointments n meds n stuff (or where my morning meds are next to the bench.) Not in any of those places. Right so I thought right I’ll call mum. Coz she’d probably just moved it and hadn’t known that id put it in a very specific location for a very SPECIFIC REASON. Call her. “Nah idk I havnt seen it” Right. Then I’m just fuckin blind coz I’m rushing and looking for it. It’s gotta be here somewhere. Aggressive loud and panicked rummaging Bout 20 mins goes past. (Queue the bin/recycling truck noises this will be useful later I promise) I call her again. “Mum can you please promise me you didn’t see it and that you didn’t take it.” “deadname stop calling me I’m at work. I’ll talk to you later” Right she didn’t promise. She was either actually stressed at work or was trying to get me to stop talking about it. So I go looking in the places she used to hide my phone / iPad / DS / Computer / whatever when she took things off me. Not anywhere. Right now I think back to the last time I saw it or something similar and brushed my eyes over it. Last I KNOW I saw it. It was in the chemist warehouse (Australian chemist place) bag on the floor beside my bed. Right well she cleared the floor. So I’ll go look in all the places she stuffed shit in while I wasn’t here. Not in the backpack, not on the top bunk of my bed, not under my bed. Not in any drawers. Ok well my appointment to get my injection is in 30 mins and I’ve been searching for 30mind stressed asf coz I needa get on the bus. So let’s see if I can move that appointment. Moved the appointment back 2 hours. Right now I got 2.5h to find it. Now I have a very thorough look for it in my room in all the places that have been TOUCHED recently. Incase I’m just stupid and put it there to HIDE it. Coz doggy brain (and trauma) say “hide precious thing so nobody take. Coz precious thing good and need to keep safe.” Ok. I look in those places. Not there. Right well she cleared out the RUBBISH and a plastic chemist warehouse bag with a box and a receipt could be “rubbish” right well I took out the recycling yesturday and saw a blue and white somethin in the recycling maybe it’s in the recycling bin. …. •-• the bins 2 houses up. Has already been. Fook me dead. Right well literally EVERY OPTION of me getting the box I collected last week at the pharmacy hasn’t worked. Aight well what’re my options? Call the hospital see if they can get me an emergency script. Nope they said call ur GP. I call my GP, ask them what to do coz I havnt had my T shot, and they have literal proof coz I booked the injection with them. Had havnt had it…..

so I call em up. They said “yeah come in we’ll see what we can do” they get me a script. I’m brilliant I could KISS the gp rn :D!!

Get to the chemist. They make me wait 45mins. “Sorry we gotta call the dr coz he didn’t put the interval of how often you take this” Aight sure I’ll just wait. … Sorry you already have a script for this, and you picked it up the other day, so we can’t give it to you. Aight. Well I literally got the second proscription, so that I could get a new bottle… because I’ve LOST / HAD IT TAKEN FROM ME / IT HAD BEEN THROWN AWAY BY ACCIDENT That’s why u got the second proscription paper thingy. “Yeah nah I can’t do that” “Tf you mean nu-uh.” “Well we called ur GP on the script.

Told him (coz why wouldn’t you) you picked it up the other day and he said not to dispense it”

Dawggggg I literally came into the fucking medical centre told y’all the situation and u gave me the script not even 20 mother fucking minutes ago. Aight can I take my script back? Yeah. Aight well I still have the bit of paper of me needing my T. (Mind you, he didn’t put the fucking concession on it. So would’ve costed me 150$ instead of S E V E N which is how much u usually pay.) I call the medical centre I was literally JUST AT 20 mins ago “hey yeah he just told the chemist NOT to give it to me after I literally just left to come get it.” “Aight brb I’ll go talk to him” … “Yeah nah sorry can’t do anything…” “Aight well what am I gonna do then?”

“Idk hangs up”

WELL FUCK ME SIDEWAYS (don’t actually but it’s too late coz my days already FUCKED ME SO WHY NOT JOIN IN )

Aight well what are my other options. I’ll ring my endo see if he can call the pharmacy and tell them to gimme my fuckin boy juice. Aight he’s not in today. Right well reception sent him an email. He’s on leave for another fuckin 3 weeks. Right. Only other option. Is to go to another pharmacy. And try use this script which chemist warehouse already scribbled all over.!!!! See if they’ll give it to me. Priceline (another pharmacy) doesn’t have any. Right try the other one. They’re confused as to why they’d scribbled on it and DIDNT give it to me. I explain my situation. They said “also btw how much you usually pay for this..?” “Like 7 bucks..” “He hasn’t put the concession on this. And he can’t cos he’s not a specialist. And I’d have to ring him to ask if I can give this to you.” “Right then nvm I’ll try something else. Coz he’s just gonna tell you not to give it to me :)” Ok well I’m fucked now. It’s not at home. They won’t give it to me. I’ve tried every pharmacy in the area and they’ve all told me to get fucked. Right idk what else to do so I’ll go to safe haven (where mentally ill people go when they’re having / about to have a crisis. And need help coz they’re feeling unstable.) I go there. Chat to the chick there she suggested I try the gender centre or 20ten or whatever. Call the gender centre. They gimme a list of numbers to try. Tried all of em. One calls me back and says to call MY endo’s place coz SURELY he’s not the only endo there. So I do. They shut THREE MINUTES AGO. (4.03pm) :))) Aight guess that’s all I can fuckin DO FOR TODAY :))) So now I’m sitting here (bbq sauce in my tiddies) / ref And idk what to do.
OH and coz the day wasn’t COOKED enough.

The buses I signed by waving for a solid 8 seconds. Both changed lanes (to make the next turn in the route) AND DROVE PAST ME!!!!! So I WALKED to safe haven!!!!

Anyways. It’s Now Thursday I have some more info. Still have the problem UNSOLVED.

Called the endo. They said they’d see if they can get the other endo to call the chemist.

Mum didn’t chuck it out on purpose but thinks I could’ve been thrown away by accident when she was cleaning (it has to have been coz it’s not in my room or any-bloody-where else.

Ive called the endo up multiple times. I’ve called my GP and he just said “you could’ve sold it so we can’t get you another one” BUT WHY WOULD I SELL IT?! W h Y?!! And it has MY NAME ON IT. NOBODYS GONNA GIVE SOMEONE AN INJECTION THAT DOESNT HAVE THEIR NAME ON IT🤌🏻 bro the fuck just gimme my boy juice 😭😭😭

So I’ve had a pretty fucked week stressing over this so I’d appreciate any ideas anyone has on how I can get my T 😭

I live in Australia so we gotta abide by those laws with giving meds n shit but if u know a way around it… or somethin pls comment at lmk I really needed this like a hole in the head 😭😭😭

I have a strong belief that I am autistic. I have autistic friends and they agree with me. I've taken almost all of the online questionnaires and screenings and every. single. one. is on the much higher end. I taken them multiple times, and every time I say to myself "this time you're gonna be completely honest. Really think on each question. Don't exaggerate" and I just get the same if not a higher score than the last time I took it. I know those screenings aren't a definitive, especially for those who are autistic but have more nuanced traits that those questions wouldn't necessarily flag. But considering how consistent, and "stereotypical", for lack of a better word, my answers are, I think its a safe bet to think that it's pretty likely.
I didn't display the usual milestone stuff associated with autism when I was little. What makes this harder specifically with my mom is that I hit developmental milestones early, and was said to be very bright child from the start by most people around me. Noticeably intelligent/"high IQ" etc. but not some sort of young sheldon savant.
It's pretty easy, or at least easier, for me to look back on experiences or how I socialised when I was younger and realise "hey that was probably another indicator that was overlooked", but for my mom there was a lot of stuff, particularly school, that she just wasn't around for and couldn't see like I could. There are some things/stories that "we" (mostly her. I don't remember a ton of early school days other than super profound moments or instances that for whatever reason had a lasting impact emotionally) look back on that when put in the context of possible autism, make a lot more sense. She's told me a bunch about a time where this girl at school (kindergarten I think) refused to talk to me, like I would try and say something to her and she just looked at me and/or completely ignored me. So I kicked her. I was not a violent child, there are a few instances where I got physical with people but, again, looking back I dont think I understood the gravity of my actions. I kept getting drawn to kicking peers. In 80% of cases I did it during recess as some sort of "play" even though now I obviously know that it was harmful and I still feel bad. There were a couple of times someone behind me in line kept stepping on my heel and I had enough so I'd kick them. I think I definitely showed signs as a child but it doesn't help that the most difficult symptoms haven't become prominent until about age 12.
Anyway there are a lot of things like that. More-so things that my mom has always passed off as being because I was a bright or "gifted" kid. The times I've brought up the possibility of autism to her I'm always met with "symptoms of autism are commonly found in gifted kids but that doesn't mean you're autistic" re: feeling disconnected from peers & unable to find common ground etc etc. Either that or it's stuff that she did as a kid too. We both have diagnosed ADD.
I wouldn't feel as much of an intense need for a "real" diagnosis if it wasn't for how I think my autistic traits are affecting our relationship. Ever since I was a kid I'd be yelled at for "sass" or "backtalk". I heard that I was "sassing off" so much that just the word "sass" triggers an intense internal emotional reaction. I never understood what that meant. I would ask, she would kind of explain, but I'd never actually get it. This is the same thing now, except now without my dad here (passed away) it's just us and I feel like I've sort of unintentionally become part of a partnership dynamic rather parent and child (which is confusing as hell sometimes because it's like you're equal, being part of adult conversations and decisions as an adult partner would, and yet held to the same expectations and rules that of a child). There are a lot of times where she's says something like "watch your tone", "stop/you don't have to talk/treat/speak to me this way", "stop yelling at me" with her getting hurt or mad and I rarely, truly understand what exactly I did. Ill ask her "how did I just speak to you" and I feel like she when she repeats it back her tone is exaggerating how I sounded, but then again I don't actually know how I sounded. All I know is that I didn't intend to be mean or disrespectful. I never mean to be disrespectful. If something happens where I did something or haven't been doing something (its a reoccurring breaking point when shes been asking me to do something for weeks and I just don't do it. Unloading the dishwasher specifically. I come home exhausted from school and I just come home, eat something, and then go sit in my room on my laptop for the rest of the night between homework and leisure.) and I just shut down and sit there silently without eye contact until she stops yelling and the interaction kind of "ends" and either she or I walk away to another room alone. I know how it makes her feel and I feel so bad about it, just in the moment there are things in my head that I want to say but its like I cant get them to come out. She sees this as me "stonewalling" her and "refusing to take responsibility". Some arguments she's called me "abusive" for my behaviour, and I can't say I blame her. I know how my behaviour comes across on the outside. To her, I don't listen or do anything around the house, I'm unnecessarily mean and disrespectful most of the time, I talk back and raise my voice a lot. Theres more I cant remember right now. Its more prominent because I don't really act like that around my friends, it's just at home. Its not like its personal to her, I just come home and I guess "unmask."
I wish I could just go to my doctor and say I'm fairly certain I'm on the spectrum and get a referral, and get a diagnosis (in my state autism diagnoses and treatment are required to be covered by insurance if youre under 21) or some other explanation for why I'm like this, and come back to her with something that proves that I don't hate her and I'm not some abusive asshole that likes being a dick. Every time I've brought up autism it gets mostly shut down or passed off as something else or just par of the course for being "gifted". It does not help that she feels that people right now are too quick to jump on the thought they're autistic. I feel like I need a diagnosis, autism or whatever else, in order to save us being able to exist in the same house without me feeling I have to have my guards up and without her feeling like I despise her being around me and that I want nothing to do with her. I am very close to typing up a document with many of the feelings I've written here along with experiences and reasons why I think I'm autistic, along with all of my self assessment scores and answers with explanations for each. I guess I've just hoped I'd be able to do that with a professional there to guide it also but It's just getting to hard to deal with with this hypothetical ideal examination of how my brain works. I guess I'm just on edge and ready for her to dismiss every point I bring up in some way or another or say "what? you weren't like that as a kid".
I didn't mean to go off like this, I appreciate anyone who's read this far. The whole thing just hurts.