He pulled out a minute before he cum. Is there any chance of precum getting inside me that could cause pregnancy? Im on my second day before my ovulation day when we did it.
About me: A diabetic (type 1) teen with 39 days menstruation cycle.

DAY: MAY 13, 2024

• 5-13-2024BIKING REVEALED TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH LESS KNEE PAIN LATER IN LIFE A study reveals that people who participated in regular bicycling over their lifetime had a lower prevalence of frequent knee pain, radiographic osteoarthritis (ROA) and symptomatic radiographic osteoarthritis (SOA). Rheumatologists often encourage regular physical activity for the prevention of osteoarthritis, the most common form of arthritis. However, some exercises are more effective than others.
• 5-13-2024STRESSFUL LIFE EVENTS CAN INCREASE YOUR RISK OF ALZHEIMER’S Stressful life events, such as the death of a loved one or divorce, put a person at greater risk of developing dementia in later life, a recent study has found. But only if the stressful event happened in childhood or midlife. The study included 1,290 people at increased risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease. The researchers looked at 18 stressful life events and when in people’s lives they happened.
• 5-13-2024TIPS FOR LOWERING STROKE RISK May is National Stroke Awareness Month, and as part of everyday awareness, Mayo Clinic health care professionals suggest reducing stroke risk and knowing the signs. A stroke happens every 40 seconds in the U.S., and the likelihood of stroke increases with age, according to the National Institutes of Health. Preventing a stroke is a crucial aspect of health care, as about 80% of all strokes are preventable. The focus is on managing risk factors to reduce the long-term risk of stroke.
• 5-13-2024IT’S TIME TO USE TIKTOK TO TALK TO YOUNG PEOPLE ABOUT OBESITY, SAYS RESEARCHER There is an urgent need to harness the potential of TikTok and other social media channels to provide scientific information about obesity to young people in engaging and accessible way . The popularity and broad reach of such platforms provides the opportunity to reach diverse audiences, including teenagers and young adults, explains lead researcher Dr. Antonella Franceschelli, of Unicamillus International Medical University, Rome, Italy.
• 5-13-2024WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER TAKE NUTRITION ADVICE FROM A CENTENARIAN It’s a cliche of reporting on people who reach 100 years of age, or even 110, to ask them some variation of the question: “What did you do to live this long?” Inevitably, some interesting and unexpected answer is highlighted. Fish and chips every Friday. Drinking a glass of strong liquor every day. Bacon for breakfast every morning. Wine and chocolate. While a popular news story, this is a relatively meaningless question that doesn’t help us understand why certain people have lived so long.
• 5-13-2024JUNK FOOD MARKETING ON VIDEOGAME LIVESTREAMING PLATFORMS INCREASES PURCHASES AND CONSUMPTION AMONG TEENS, STUDY FINDS Food and drink advertisements on videogame livestreaming platforms (VGLSPs) like Twitch are associated with more positive attitudes towards, and purchases and intake of, unhealthy foods that are high in fat, salt and/or sugar (HFSS) like energy drinks among adolescents aged 18 or younger. The concerning findings prompt researchers to call for stronger regulations on digital marketing of unhealthy foods to young people on these platforms, where there is currently no effective regulation
• 5-13-2024HIGHER BLOOD SUGAR LEVEL AT GESTATIONAL DIABETES DIAGNOSIS LINKED TO HARMFUL OUTCOMES FOR MOTHERS AND BABIES The higher the blood sugar level in pregnant women when first diagnosed with diabetes, the higher the risk of complications around and after birth
• 5-13-2024ASKING ADULTS WITH OBESITY ABOUT THEIR WEIGHT DURING CHILDHOOD COULD HELP DETERMINE THEIR MORTALITY RISK Being asked whether you considered yourself a normal weight, plumper or thinner as a child when attending a doctor’s appointment as an adult might appear like a very strange question to ask, but new research suggests that such questions can help identify increased mortality risk in adults living with obesity.
• 5-13-2024ENERGY DRINKS CAN LEAD TO SERIOUS HEART ISSUES IN KIDS AND TEENS, HEALTH EXPERTS SAY Hennessy Sepulveda thought she was going to die. “I began dissociating as I was driving. I was 10 minutes away from my house. My vision started warping and the lights were hitting me really bright,” she said. “I felt my chest pounding, I felt a wave of panic hit me—I knew something was wrong.” Sepulveda, a Florida International University student who was 19 at the time, was admitted to the hospital, and was surprised by the cause of her symptoms
• 5-13-2024A BLOOD TEST TO HELP DETECT LUNG CANCER? NEW TEST OFFERED AT 18 LOCATIONS Julie Harris had never been tested for lung cancer. A low-dose CT scan, the only recommended screening for adults at risk of developing lung cancer, was not something she’d ever found time to do. But when her primary care doctor recently suggested a new blood test to help look for signs of the disease, Harris was intrigued. She had her blood drawn the same day, in the same building as her doctor’s appointment.
• 5-13-2024STUDY SHOWS EXERCISING SLOWS OUR PERCEPTION OF TIME results of a new study show for the first time that individuals tend to experience time as moving slower when they are exercising compared to when they are resting or after completing their exercise.
• 5-13-2024BREAKTHROUGH THERAPIES ARE SAVING LIVES, BUT CAN WE AFFORD THEM? Harnessing the body’s own cells to fight disease, long a medical dream, is finally a reality. Now comes the bill. Last month, Stanford became the first hospital in the nation to use a new $515,000 cell therapy to treat a patient with advanced melanoma. A related approach, costing $420,000 to $475,000, is offering hope to patients with lethal blood cancers. Meanwhile, cells fixed by gene therapy can slow, even stop, the progression of intractable diseases like sickle cell or beta thalassemia—
• 5-13-2024RESEARCH FINDS DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME SPELLS BAD NEWS FOR HEALTHY HABITS
• 5-13-2024HOW READING HELPS YOUNG CHILDREN LEARN ABOUT THE CONCEPT OF PAIN
• 5-13-2024HEART FAILURE PATIENTS WHO DO YOGA HAVE STRONGER HEARTS AND CAN BE MORE ACTIVE, RESEARCH SUGGESTS
• 5-13-2024ITALIAN STUDY FINDS EVIDENCE OF BODY DYSMORPHIA IN PROFILE PICTURES OF PEOPLE LIVING WITH OBESITY
• 5-13-2024UNDERSTANDING AND PREVENTING BLADDER CANCER
• 5-13-2024OUR BRAINS TRICK US INTO THINKING CONSCIOUSNESS CAN RESIDE OUTSIDE THE BODY, RESEARCH ARGUES
• 5-13-2024YOGA SHOWS ‘MOST IMPROVEMENT’ IN RESTORING BRAIN HEALTH IN LONG-TERM CANCER SURVIVORS, RESEARCHER SAYS
• 5-13-2024DISTURBING NEW TRENDS ARE DRIVING UP THE NUMBERS
• 5-13-2024SUPPORTING WEIGHT-LOSS MEDICATIONS WITH ADEQUATE, TAILORED NUTRITION
• 5-13-2024WHAT HAPPENS INSIDE A SLEEPWALKER’S BRAIN?
• 5-13-2024COMING OFF OZEMPIC SLOWLY COULD PREVENT WEIGHT GAIN, STUDY SHOWS
• 5-13-2024STUDY SHOWS ALARMING RISE OF ELECTRONIC VAPING USE IN US ADOLESCENTS
• 5-13-2024UK SURVEY FINDS ‘DISGUST FACTOR’ NEEDS TO BE OVERCOME IF EATING INSECTS IS TO BECOME TRULY MAINSTREAM
• 5-13-2024SEMAGLUTIDE CAN YIELD WEIGHT LOSS, LOWER HEART ISSUES FOR AT LEAST FOUR YEARS IN NON-DIABETIC ADULTS WITH OVERWEIGHT
• 5-13-2024BETTER NUTRITION CAN HELP FIREFIGHTERS FIGHT CANCER
• 5-13-2024EXPLORING THE BIOLOGICAL BASIS FOR RESILIENCE
• 5-13-2024REMOTE HEART FAILURE MONITORING DEVICE COULD PREVENT HOSPITALIZATIONS
• 5-13-2024IDENTICAL ODORS SEEM DIFFERENT WHEN GIVEN DIFFERENT NAMES
• 5-13-2024HOW CANNABIS AND PSILOCYBIN MIGHT HELP SOME OF THE 50 MILLION AMERICANS WHO ARE EXPERIENCING CHRONIC PAIN
• 5-13-2024AUTISTIC CHILDREN COULD BE THE REAL WINNERS FROM ONLINE GAMES
• 5-13-2024TEENAGE USERS OF HIGH-THC CANNABIS VARIETIES TWICE AS LIKELY TO EXPERIENCE PSYCHOTIC EPISODES
• 5-13-2024PEPTIDE-BASED HYDROGEL SHOWS PROMISE FOR A WIDE RANGE OF TISSUE AND ORGAN REPAIR
• 5-13-2024TO AVENGE OR NOT TO AVENGE? PSYCHOLOGISTS DIG DEEPER INTO HOW PEOPLE SEE REVENGE AND THOSE WHO DO IT
• 5-13-2024TRANSGENDER PRETEENS REPORT 13 HOURS OF DAILY SCREEN TIME
• 5-13-2024STUDY FINDINGS DEMONSTRATE BENEFIT TO PEDIATRIC CELIAC DISEASE MASS SCREENING
• 5-13-2024COMMONLY USED ANTIBIOTIC BRINGS MORE COMPLICATIONS, DEATH IN THE SICKEST PATIENTS
• 5-13-2024NEW PAPER EXAMINES POTENTIAL POWER AND PITFALLS OF HARNESSING ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE FOR SLEEP MEDICINE
• 5-13-2024VARIATIONS IN TELOMERE LENGTHENING GENES MAY PREDISPOSE SOME PEOPLE TO PAPILLARY THYROID CANCER
• 5-13-2024WHAT IS THE PROCESS OF AN ATHLETE BEING ‘MEDICALLY RETIRED’ DUE TO CONCUSSION?
• 5-13-2024NOT SURE ABOUT VACCINES? HOW MESSAGING IS FRAMED MAKES A DIFFERENCE, NEW RESEARCH SHOWS
• 5-13-2024NEW STUDY REVEALS THE KEY ROLE OF MITOCHONDRIAL PROTEINS IN CARDIAC REGENERATION
• 5-13-2024NEW SYNTHETIC BIOMARKER TECHNOLOGY DIFFERENTIATES BETWEEN PRIOR ZIKA AND DENGUE INFECTIONS
• 5-13-2024IN SEARCH OF THE BEST TEST FOR HEPATIC ENCEPHALOPATHY
• 5-13-2024ORGANIZATIONS PUBLISH JOINT GUIDELINE ON GLUCOCORTICOID-INDUCED ADRENAL INSUFFICIENCY
• 5-13-2024CLINICAL TRIAL INVESTIGATING AFICAMTEN MEETS PRIMARY ENDPOINT IN OBSTRUCTIVE HYPERTROPHIC CARDIOMYOPATHY
• 5-13-2024RESEARCH INVESTIGATES LIMITED EFFICACY OF COMMON LOCAL ANESTHETIC
• 5-13-2024HOW SCIENCE CLEARED THE AIR OVER INHALED HEALTH RISKS
• 5-13-2024WHAT’S KEEPING THE US FROM ALLOWING BETTER SUNSCREENS?
• 5-13-2024PATIENTS CAN NOW STAY CONNECTED BY WEARING ONE
• 5-13-2024THERAPEUTIC OPPORTUNITIES FOR HYPERMUTATED UROTHELIAL CARCINOMAS BEYOND IMMUNOTHERAPY
• 5-13-2024RESEARCHERS REVEAL THE DOUBLE-EDGED-SWORD EFFECT OF OVERCONFIDENCE ON GAMBLING
• 5-13-2024TEAM STUDIES FACTORS RELATED TO A SENSE OF ECONOMIC INSECURITY IN OLDER ADULTS
• 5-13-2024PEDIATRICIAN OFFERS TIPS ON HOW TO SUPPORT HEALTHY MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT IN YOUR CHILD
• 5-13-2024NEW DEVICE COULD IDENTIFY WHICH BABIES WILL STRUGGLE WITH BREASTFEEDING
• 5-13-2024COULD FLIRT LEAD TO A SUMMER UPTICK?
• 5-13-2024RESEARCH HIGHLIGHTS DRAMATIC INCREASE IN FENTANYL SEIZED BY AUTHORITIES IN LAST SIX YEARS
• 5-13-2024CHILD MEASLES CASE AT SACRAMENTO HOSPITAL MAY HAVE EXPOSED 200 PEOPLE, HEALTH OFFICIALS SAY
• 5-13-2024AN AUXILIARY CHD DIAGNOSTIC SYSTEM BASED ON MULTI-VIEW AND MULTI-MODAL TRANSTHORACIC ECHOCARDIOGRAMS
• 5-13-2024PROJECTED ESTIMATES OF CANCER IN CANADA IN 2024: STUDY
• 5-13-2024REPORT FINDS PRIVATE HEALTH PLANS PAID HOSPITALS 254% OF WHAT MEDICARE WOULD PAY DURING 2022
• 5-13-2024HOW OBESITY AND METABOLIC SYNDROME AFFECTS WOMEN’S RISKS OF BREAST CANCER AND CANCER-RELATED DEATH
• 5-13-2024CANCER AND COVID DROVE PATIENT TO DOUBLE-LUNG TRANSPLANT
• 5-13-2024CHOLERA OUTBREAK INTENSIFYING IN YEMEN, UN WARNS
• 5-13-2024RESEARCH TAKES ELECTRORETINOGRAPHY TO THE NEXT LEVEL WITH A SOFT MULTI-ELECTRODE SYSTEM
• 5-13-2024NEW STUDY SHOWS CERTAIN COMBINATIONS OF ANTIVIRAL PROTEINS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR LUPUS SYMPTOMS
• 5-13-2024DID A WORM REALLY EAT PART OF ROBERT F. KENNEDY JR.’S BRAIN?
• 5-13-2024REINING IN ROGUE OBAMACARE AGENTS WITHOUT SLOWING ENROLLMENT
• 5-13-2024IS ‘HERD IMMUNITY’ IN INTENSIVE CARE DOING MORE HARM THAN GOOD?
• 5-13-2024TOO MANY AUSTRALIANS AREN’T GETTING A FLU VACCINE—WHY, AND WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?
• 5-13-2024RESEARCHERS FIND 13% REDUCTION IN ASTHMA IN CHILDREN BORN IN AN URBAN LOW EMISSION ZONE
• 5-13-2024RESEARCHERS USE DUAL DRUG STRATEGY TO ADVANCE MELANOMA TREATMENT AGAINST RESISTANCE
• 5-13-2024ENGINEERING MINI HUMAN HEARTS TO STUDY PREGNANCY COMPLICATIONS AND BIRTH DEFECTS
• 5-13-2024FOR TREATING RETINOPATHY OF PREMATURITY, RESEARCH PROVES THAT RANIBIZUMAB IS SAFE
• 5-13-2024STUDY FINDS SENSE OF SHARED SIMULTANEITY INCREASES WITH GROUP SIZE
• 5-13-2024WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
• 5-13-2024ATTACKING BIRTH CONTROL PILLS, US INFLUENCERS PUSH MISINFORMATION
• 5-13-2024UN NEARS LANDMARK DEAL ON COMBATING BIOPIRACY
• 5-13-2024VARIATIONS IN ‘ANCIENT’ IMMUNE CELLS LINKED TO PATIENTS’ SURVIVAL IN CANCER
• 5-13-2024SOURCE OF SUGAR MAY BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN AMOUNT WHEN IT COMES TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF OBESITY IN CHILDREN
• 5-13-2024UK STUDY INVOLVING OVER 80,000 ADULTS FINDS SMOKERS TEND TO EAT LESS AND HAVE A LESS HEALTHY DIET THAN NON-SMOKERS
• 5-13-2024TRIAL REVEALS ANTI-INFLAMMATORY POWER OF AEROBIC EXERCISE IN ADULTS WITH OBESITY
• 5-13-2024LARGE-SCALE FINNISH STUDY DISCOVERS LINK BETWEEN PREMATURE MENOPAUSE AND MORTALITY RISK
• 5-13-2024SOCIODEMOGRAPHICS TIED TO REHAB USE DURING CRITICAL ILLNESS HOSPITALIZATION
• 5-13-2024AVOID OVERHEATING DANGERS WHEN RECHARGING MEDICAL DEVICES
• 5-13-2024LOWER PREVALENCE OF EMPLOYMENT SEEN FOR SURVIVORS OF CHILDHOOD CANCER
• 5-13-2024BLOOD PRESSURE DOWN WITH SELF-MONITORING, SELF-TITRATION OF MEDICATIONS
• 5-13-2024PSILOCYBIN MAY REVERSE ANOREXIA’S COGNITIVE RIGIDITY
• 5-13-2024STUDY HIGHLIGHTS NEED FOR CELL-TYPE-SPECIFIC THERAPIES IN TREATMENT OF HIV
• 5-13-2024INTENSE ULTRASOUND EXTRACTS GENETIC INFO FOR LESS INVASIVE CANCER BIOPSIES
• 5-13-2024WEIGHT LOSS DRUG LINKED WITH REDUCED NEED FOR DIURETICS IN HEART FAILURE PATIENTS
• 5-13-2024EVIDENCE OF A TRAVEL DIRECTION SIGNAL THAT IS INDEPENDENT FROM HEAD DIRECTION IN HUMANS
• 5-13-2024STUDY SHOWS CHATGPT CAN ACCURATELY ANALYZE MEDICAL CHARTS FOR CLINICAL RESEARCH, OTHER APPLICATIONS
• 5-13-2024WHAT MAKES A MEMORY? IT MAY BE RELATED TO HOW HARD YOUR BRAIN HAD TO WORK
• 5-13-2024BIRTH BY C-SECTION MORE THAN DOUBLES ODDS OF MEASLES VACCINE FAILURE, STUDY FINDS
• 5-13-2024SCIENTISTS FIND SLEEP MAY NOT CLEAR BRAIN TOXINS

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porch, port, portion, portrait, portray, pose, position, positive, possess, possession, possibility, possible, possibly, post, pot, potato, potential, potentially, pound, pour, poverty, powder, power, powerful, practical, practice, prayer, preach, precisely, predict, prediction, prefer, preference, pregnancy, pregnant, preparation, prepare, prescription, presence, present, presentation, preserve, president, presidential, press, pressure, pretend, pretty, prevent, previous, previously, price, pride, priest, primarily, primary, prime, principal, principle, print, prior, priority, prison, prisoner, privacy, private, probably, problem, procedure, proceed, process, processing, processor, proclaim, produce, producer, product, production, profession, professional, professor, profile, profit, program, progress, progressive, project, prominent, promise, promote, prompt, proof, proper, properly, property, proportion, proposal, propose, prosecutor, prospect, protect, protection, protein, protest, 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satisfy, sauce, save, saving, say, scale, scandal, scare, scatter, scenario, scene, schedule, scheme, scholar, scholarship, school, science, scientific, scientist, scope, score, scream, screen, script, sea, search, season, seat, second, secondary, secret, secretary, section, sector, secure, security, see, seed, seek, seem, segment, seize, select, selection, self, sell, Senate, senator, send, senior, sense, sensitive, sentence, separate, sequence, series, serious, seriously, servant, serve, service, session, set, setting, settle, settlement, seven, several, severe, sex, sexual, shade, shadow, shake, shall, shallow, shape, share, sharp, she, sheet, shelf, shell, shelter, shift, shine, ship, shirt, shock, shoe, shoot, shooting, shop, shopping, short, shortly, shot, should, shoulder, shout, show, shower, shrug, shut, shy, sibling, sick, side, sigh, sight, sign, signal, significant, significantly, silence, silent, silver, similar, similarly, simple, simply, sin, since, sing, singer, single, sink, sir, sister, sit, site, situation, six, size, ski, skill, skin, skirt, sky, slave, sleep, slice, slide, slight, slightly, slip, slow, slowly, small, smart, smell, smile, smoke, smooth, snap, snow, so, so-called, soccer, social, society, soft, software, soil, solar, soldier, sole, solid, solution, solve, some, somebody, somehow, someone, something, sometimes, somewhat, somewhere, son, song, soon, sophisticated, sorry, sort, soul, sound, soup, source, south, southern, Soviet, space, Spanish, speak, speaker, special, specialist, species, specific, specifically, specify, speech, speed, spend, spending, spin, spirit, spiritual, split, spoil, sponsor, sport, spot, spray, spread, spring, square, squeeze, stability, stable, staff, stage, stain, stair, stake, stand, standard, standing, star, stare, start, state, statement, station, statistical, status, stay, steady, steal, steel, steep, stem, step, stick, still, stimulate, stimulus, stir, stock, stomach, stone, stop, storage, store, storm, story, straight, strange, stranger, strategic, strategy, stream, street, strength, strengthen, stress, stretch, strike, string, strip, stroke, strong, strongly, structural, structure, struggle, student, studio, study, stuff, stupid, style, subject, submit, subsequent, substance, substantial, substitute, succeed, success, successful, successfully, such, sudden, suddenly, sue, suffer, sufficient, sugar, suggest, suggestion, suicide, suit, summer, summit, sun, super, supply, support, supporter, suppose, supposed, Supreme, sure, surely, surface, surgery, surprise, surprised, surprising, surprisingly, surround, survey, survival, survive, survivor, suspect, sustain, swear, sweep, sweet, swim, swing, switch, symbol, symptom, system, table, tactic, tail, take, tale, talent, talk, tall, tank, tap, tape, target, task, taste, tax, taxi, tea, teach, teacher, teaching, team, tear, technical, technique, technology, teen, teenager, telephone, telescope, television, tell, temperature, temporary, ten, tend, tendency, tennis, tension, tent, term, terms, terrible, territory, terror, terrorist, test, testimony, testing, text, than, thank, thanks, that, the, theater, their, them, theme, themselves, then, theory, therapy, there, therefore, these, they, thick, thin, thing, think, thinking, third, thirty, this, those, though, thought, thousand, threat, threaten, three, throat, through, throughout, throw, thus, ticket, tie, tight, time, tiny, tip, tire, tissue, title, to, tobacco, today, toe, together, toilet, token, tolerate, tomato, tomorrow, tone, tongue, tonight, too, tool, tooth, top, topic, toss, total, totally, touch, tough, tour, tourist, tournament, toward, towards, tower, town, toy, trace, track, trade, tradition, traditional, traffic, tragedy, trail, train, training, transfer, transform, transformation, transition, translate, translation, transmission, transmit, transport, transportation, travel, treat, treatment, treaty, tree, tremendous, trend, trial, tribe, trick, trip, troop, trouble, truck, true, truly, trust, truth, try, tube, tunnel, turn, TV, twelve, twenty, twice, twin, two, type, typical, typically, ugly, ultimate, ultimately, unable, uncle, undergo, understand, understanding, unfortunately, uniform, union, unique, unit, United, universal, universe, university, unknown, unless, unlike, until, unusual, up, upon, upper, urban, urge, us, use, used, useful, user, usual, usually, utility, utilize, vacation, valley, valuable, value, variable, variation, variety, various, vary, vast, vegetable, vehicle, venture, version, versus, very, vessel, veteran, via, victim, victory, video, view, viewer, village, violate, violation, violence, violent, virtually, virtue, virus, visibility, visible, vision, visit, visitor, visual, vital, voice, volume, voluntary, volunteer, vote, voter, voting, wage, wait, wake, walk, wall, wander, want, war, warm, warn, warning, wash, waste, watch, water, wave, way, we, weak, weakness, wealth, wealthy, weapon, wear, weather, web, website, wedding, week, weekend, weekly, weigh, weight, welcome, welfare, well, west, western, wet, what, whatever, wheel, when, whenever, where, whereas, whether, which, while, whisper, white, who, whole, whom, whose, why, wide, widely, widespread, wife, wild, wildlife, will, willing, win, wind, window, wine, wing, winner, winter, wipe, wire, wisdom, wise, wish, with, withdraw, within, without, witness, woman, wonder, wonderful, wood, wooden, word, work, worker, working, workout, workplace, works, workshop, world, worried, worry, worth, would, wound, wrap, write, writer, writing, wrong, yard, yeah, year, yell, yellow, yes, yesterday, yet, yield, you, young, your, yours, yourself, youth, zone.

Hi. I am one day in. I am a 40 year old mom to 2 teens and a 20 yr old, i am 5 ft 9 and I weight 261 lbs also I am from Canada. My goal weight is 175 (yet I’ve never weighed less than 197lbs since I was 14 yrs old) I’ve been on and off weight watchers since I was a literal child. It’s been a few years since the last time I have been on plan, however.
The last time I was on WW I joined Sept 2020 and lost 65 lbs by April 2021 and then I had one bad day, started eating, stopped tracking and by March of 2023 I had gained +80 lbs. Since last year I have fluctuated between 250-270 lbs trying to ‘do it on my own’.
My dr has been breathing down my neck about losing weight, I have high cholesterol and pre-diabetes. I’m sure she’s well meaning but she put me on Contrave and I barely lost 5% of my body weight in over 6 months, then she prescribed me ozempic and saxenda both I have yet to take. I am scared to do the shots myself so I figured I’d give WW a go. After all it did work, until it didn’t.
I’m nervous to start again, but also excited and very willing. I want to give it my all. I want to be successful and finally shed these pounds for good.
So aside from telling you my life story (lol) how has the program changed in the last 3 years?
Thanks for reading and I look forward to talking to you all more throughout my ‘journey’

I (f, 22) just wanted to vent somewhere people will actually understand. I’ve been dealing with GP for about 4 years now and finally got diagnosed last year, i had the botox injection in september and was in hospital for around a month, didn’t have to go back to a&e at all until the end of march where it all started happening again. for the first time in years i actually felt free and i was able to live as close to a normal life as i could, obviously being careful in what i ate and portion size but pretty much had freedom to eat what i wanted when i wanted and it just made me feel somewhat like a normal person.
since the end of march i’ve been in and out of hospital, i had another round of botox early april but that didn’t seem to help and the doctors couldn’t explain why, they said maybe it wasn’t injected in the right place or they didn’t use enough, they honestly were nearly as clueless as i was. in the end they decided to repeat the botox, that was just over a week ago. i was sent home the same day, had to go back to a&e later that evening, was sent home 2 days later and again was back in a&e that same evening. i’ve now been kept as an inpatient for a week and i’m still finding it hard to eat/drink without being sick and feeling really intense stomach pain, it gets to the point where i’m rolling around, crying and screaming in pain. doctors don’t seem to do much at all other than keep me on regular IV cyclizine and metoclopramide for sickness, subcutaneous morphine injections for the pain and a sliding scale to manage my T1DM.
when i was healthy for that october-march period i’d managed to gain some weight and was around 50kg, a week ago i was back to the godforsaken 46kg i seemed to always be stuck at before, and now i’ve gone down to 43kg which has been really disheartening and has taken a toll on my mental health. i felt i was doing so well, not only had i gained weight but also muscle, i was exercising more than i ever could have before and even walking 10-12km a day, now i can barely walk down the hall without feeling drained. i managed to get a job which i was doing quite well at and it was my first job, at 22, because i could never get hired before due to being so unreliable with my condition, luckily they understand what i have to deal with as it is my boyfriend’s family business.
i don’t know, everything is just making me feel really down and depressed and all i want is to be able to go home and go back to my life. staff at hospital also don’t help, the majority are nice but i still get comments from certain nurses who accuse me of faking to get medication or who complain when i’m crying as i’m “disturbing others” when there’s nothing i can do. i hate the way my body looks again, i hate the gap between my thighs and how i can see my ribs and bony shoulders. i hate my arms even more, all the bruises and needle marks from blood tests and IV drips, it makes me look like a junkie and i find myself crying because of it a lot.
i’ve been referred to another hospital for a consultation regarding a G-POEM but still haven’t heard from them yet. it’s just getting to the point where i’m feeling so hopeless and helpless. i’ve also been put back on anti depressants and taking diazepam regularly to help with the anxiety and distress it all causes.
at home i smoke weed, a decent amount, which helps with my appetite and also helps with my mental health struggles but obviously being in hospital i haven’t been able to smoke which makes everything so much worse as i don’t have anything to distract myself from what’s happening. some days smoking is the only thing that will get me to eat and keep me from having anxiety toward food.
my boyfriend (m, 29) and his family have been really supportive and they’re pretty much the only reason i haven’t spiraled into a full on mental health crisis, he visits nearly everyday and so does his mother who has been such a huge support for me as my own family aren’t there for me. i actually asked my mother if she would come visit me, i knew she wouldn’t, but i did it anyway, she came up with a bullshit excuse as to why she couldn’t and that nearly broke me because i was already feeling so low and on top of that i then felt rejected by my own mother, i should’ve known better but at that moment i just needed my mom. the one who came through for me that day was my boyfriend’s mom who came to see me as soon as she found out how upset i was, she held me, she let me cry and hugged me so tightly and reassured me i was loved and cared for. she’s truly been the mother i needed through this.
i know that i can be somewhat healthy and live almost normally, but right now things are just so bleak and i’m struggling to see a way out, all i want is to just be normal, it’s all i’ve wanted my entire life and it’s like no matter what i will never get that. i’ve had T1DM since i was 9 with 2 diabetes related comas under my belt by age 10, PTSD, depression, and anxiety since 12, and the GP since i was 18, it’s like i can’t catch a break. no one understands what it’s like but i keep getting told “i get it” or “i relate to that” and i know people are trying to make me feel better but to me it just comes across as diminishing what i’m going through and have been going through for so long. I was also recently told just how bad my GP is and i just couldn’t stop crying for hours, i was always told it was ‘severe’ but now i know that i have 96% retention after 4 hours and all it did was make me feel even more hopeless.
sorry for the long post, i just really don’t know where else to go where people might ACTUALLY understand what i’m going through

Hi everyone.Ok so pretty much a bunch of shit happened to me during senior year of high school and i got pretty traumatized from it. First my best friend of 10 years abandoned me for some guy she pretended she hated in front of me. Then i met a boy on an app, fell deeply in love, got in a long distance relationship, he abused me verbally and was horribly toxic (told me to slit my wrists, left and came back all the time, cheated on me a bunch of time). When i left high school for college i had to leave all my friends and my teen years which i wasn't ready to do so i tried to kms. I survived got better went back to college. But i realized this trauma genuinely never left me no matter how much i dive into it to heal it. I keep thinking about my ex-best friend and my ex.
Being a very creative person i decided to turn this pain into art and draw and paint bunch of things and write poems. But it wasn't enough. It still stuck with me. For some reason i felt the NEED for people to understand and listen to my story. Euphoria also being my favorite show, it inspired me. SO i decided to write a wattpad story very heavily inspired from my life.
But ever since i started doing it, a bunch of weird weird stuff happened. First, it made me go back to toxic thoughts and overthinking about my ex, which is predictable cause it is the main subject of the book. But it also make me go back to theorizing about him (CONTEXT: a bunch of things happened that made me think he wasn't a real person/a catfish? (he never showed up when we were supposed to meet, never showed his face on facetime, rarely sent voice messages). I even messaged his best friend. I thought i moved on and all this stirring up is very hard for me. Then the worst happened. After 3 years of no contact with my ex-best friend, we ran into each other a few days ago.
I have this really important desire for me to feel heard and understood with my story, and also help people who also went through it, and i want it to be known, but i also feel like its ruining me mentally and it makes people come back to me which is very hard for me to handle.
Should i keep on writing the story? Or should i just stop?
Please help and be nice and understanding with me, it's hard for me to open up, even anonymously. Thank you to everyone who read everything <33

So my total testosterone was 332 and my free testosterone was 63. Both according to my doctor are borderline normal. I’m a 39 year old male, 260 pounds 6ft 2in tall. Very athletic teens and 20s between weight lifting, wrestling, and football. Got married and comfortable and the weight and hair thinning hit hard in my mid 30s. Do you need actual low numbers in the 200’s or lower to feel big benefits of trt or can the low end of normal still benefit? My docor sent in a prescription for a 1.62% gel pump testosterone that is waiting on a pre auth from my insurance. Hoping to start it this week.
Any success stories from folks in a similar position as myself? Is there a typical threshold that insurance wants your testosterone to be below to be covered? If I’m a type 2 diabetic does that help my odds of insurance covering it? Sorry for the question overload lol

Apparently, the EOC sources are out now so I can talk about it. I got Set 1. I’m worried my main question might have been too similar to source B. It was something along the lines of like “to what extent adults put pressure on teenagers to have high expectations for their futures in America.” I think I used some lines from source B to talk about how for my first claim that not all teens can even achieve high futures so it’s unrealistic. I used like 2 two pieces of evidence. My second claim was something about how it can be damaging to mental health and I used some lines from source B and I think the poem to talk about achieving goals and how it can put pressure on you. I used like 3 pieces of evidence. I forget how or which claim but I somehow talked about source D and how instead you should set achievable and realistic goals. I also use the MLK thing as a counterclaim about how some people think that high goals can be beneficial to students and achieving their futures But then I used I source D and the MLK thing itself to show that instead Teenagers themselves should be setting these goals. I brought every source back to how it affected American teenagers specifically, and how it would be adults putting on this pressure and stuff like that. Take this off with the grain of salt, I don’t remember if I use this evidence specifically, but it was also something along these lines. Do you guys think it was too similar to source or do you think I’ll be OK and even makes sense? I think my writing was good and I even read back after I finished to make sure there was no confusing wording, my citations were correct, yada yada. What do yall think?!?!

I am a girl in my late teens and I live in India. I live at home with my parents and I am a single child.My dad works a corporate job and my mom is a housewife.I would say I have a very good relationship with both my parents, they are great parents and have sacrificed a lot for me. They got married against their families' wishes and in India back in the early 2000s that used to be a big deal. We've had rocky relationships with both sides of the extended families so they're all I have, they're my biggest support system and my best friends. They've never treated me like they are my parents and I'm their kid. At home we all treat each other as equals and everyone's opinion is heard. Since they got married against their families' wishes my mom always told me one thing and that was if I wanted to marry someone I just had to ask and they would support my decision and welcome my future husband into the family with open arms which is a gesture I deeply appreciate. Although I have never felt like I want to get married recently me and my childhood best friend got into a relationship and I really feel like he could be the one but we have no intentions of getting married now we have atleast 10 years ahead of us which is a long time but I am becoming more open to the idea of marriage and being someone's wife. My friends at college often tell me that their parents are not as open to the idea of marrying for love with some of them also giving sly hints that if we don't do well in terms of grades then they will set them up to get married with someone after crossing legal marriage age. As I mentioned before I'm a single child which meant I got all the love and affection from my parents but at the same time they expect a lot from me academically speaking which I understand in today's world you have to be competitive. So lately I've been preparing for an entrance exam which is in June I've been doing my best waking up early studying for hours and sticking to my schedule as much as possible. Last week I had just had my lunch and was watching TV which I only do when I have my lunch and dinner. I was sitting on the couch when my mom walks in with no prior warning just says to me that you know how u tell me that your friends parents often tell them that if they don't do well they will be married off in an arranged marriage, we'll have to do the same if you don't clear this exam. At first she said it so calmly I almost thought it was a joke and I replied with what. She looked at me like she meant it and I told her I'm sorry but if you want I'll move out of the house ( just so u know in India kids don't usually leave their parents house unless they're getting married and even then the boys will stay with their parents and take care of them along with their wives) but I won't marry against my will. She looks at me and goes I'm not giving you a choice honey. I immediately left the room and went back to mine it took me a good 15 minutes to realize what had just happened and when I did I just started crying and couldn't stop for a good hour or so I felt sick to my stomach. My first thought was how she would never say this to me if I was a boy I felt humiliated that after all that I have done for you this is what you're reducing me to. Today was mother's Day and I hadn't spoken to her for almost a week I would speak to my dad after he got home but generally I avoided speaking to her. Usually on mother's Day I would go out and buy her some earrings from my pocket money and prepare some sort of a greeting card for her. Last year I wrote her a poem and she loved it. I wished her when I woke up in the morning and went on with my day she didn't say anything and neither has she shown any remorse or regret for saying that to me. My dad knows that we had a fight but doesn't know what happened exactly so he thinks it's just a small bump in the road. I'm sure he'll react the same way I have if I told him which I haven't yet. The only reason I have been doing well is because I have been speaking to my childhood friends almost everyday I wasn't in contact with them until very recently it seems like they are the ones that have saved me from this hellhole of a living situation. Today I spoke to one of my other friends who lives in the same building as me and told her about this situation at home she empathized with me and asked me to try and resolve this for the sake of my own mental health and sanity. Also with the upcoming exam stress I should keep myself composed which I agree with. But something inside me keeps telling me to not give in. We argue every now and then and it's usually because of something I did to which I immediately apologize and still she givese the silent treatment sometimes inspite me apologizing I want to resolve it but this time I'm deeply hurt and can't help it. What should I do? And AITA?

I am sharing this as an emotional outlet among other siblings in christ 

My Experience It was January 10, 2011. I’ll never forget that date. It was the day my life changed. Also it was the day of the college football national championship. I was and still am a big college football fan (Go Cal Bears!). Oregon was set to play auburn and i was going to watch it with my neighbor two doors down. I had been doing poorly in school, and yeah was a big pot head, still am, but am much more responsible. Anyways i told myself this semester i was going to actually try in school. I woke up at six am to get ready for my day, something that i never do. I went to put on my shoes and i noticed the laces were missing. Immediately i went to my mom and asked where are my laces? She wouldn’t give me an answer and was just acting so strange. Eventually she left the house and as she was leaving two men were walking up our walkway. I figured they were plumbers considering we had plumbing issues recently. They walked in and before I knew it they walked up to me on either side and slammed me to the ground and handcuffed me. I didn’t react as it was, I didn’t expect it for one, and for two when it began I froze, I didn’t know what to do. Once on the ground I started to squirm, I screamed “Please Help me help me I’m being kidnapped! Please!” They responded No use in screaming no one can hear you. I kept screaming. One of them said go ahead get it over with when your quiet it’ll be over sooner. After probably about ten minutes, I realized no use in fighting, they helped me up and walked me to a small suv and put me in the back and put the seat belt on me. This was the beginning. I remember on the way up to Yoncalla Oregon from Sacramento California we stopped at a burger king. They offered to get me some but food was the last thing on my mind. Looking back I wish I had taken up the offer. I remember being by the ashtray seeing a half smoked cigarette and asking to smoke it, they said I couldn’t. After a long drive we got there they walked me in. The whole way I talked about how I’d get away and run away. Well of course they told the staff at Scott Valley. By the way this is the perfect point to say I was sent to Scott Valley School in Yoncalla, Oregon. One of the many so called trouble teen schools. So being told I had threatened to run away I was put on runaway watch. For about two weeks I was forced to sleep under a light. I obviously didn’t get much sleep. Also I always had two higher phase watchers who would stand on each side of me. They had phases there was like five or six I believe. Most were 2 and 1. There were like 3 phase 3’s and 1 phase 5. There was like 20-30 of us at a time. Anyway where do I start. As I write this, with the emotions and ptsd it comes in full force and yet hazy at the same time. Maybe my head trying to protect me? So I was there seven months, thank god thats it. There were people that had been there years. Some of the people there, my god, I don’t know what to say. From a 12 year old who molested his 1 year old brother and put fish hooks in his carpet so his parents would step on it, to kids that were in there later teens who had used hard drugs, kids that had been molested and acted out as a result, kids that just were wilding out period, a lot of different walks. After I got off of runaway watch I got back on it within two weeks. I was in trouble sitting at the essay table while pe was going on. So one of the punishments was writing essays. But anyway there were two other kids at the table, the twelve year old i mentioned above and the only black kid there on the boys side. I looked at them and said if we worked together we could escape this place. They both just dead stared at me. When it was time to line up, the 12 year old went away first, the other kid looked at me and said were gonna get in trouble, that kid is a snitch and is going to tell on you. He was right. I got put on the “wall” because of that. For two weeks when not eating, sleeping, or using the bathroom, I was staring at a wall were a dot was drawn with a piece of paper on it. I would just let my imagination run wild while this happened thinking about home, friends, family, make believe countries governments politics, anything to keep the mind entertained or semi at peace! There was a green jacket my parents sent up for me that was my grandpa on my mothers side. Grandpa Applegate. It was a super cool green jacket with fake fure on the color, it looked like something you’d wear in the winter in Moscow. They said it had too many pockets and I could hide things in it. So they took it away. They put it in the Pod where all of our extra stuff was stored. Well one pod day where we could exchange stuff, there was a different staff member on duty then the one who said I couldn’t wear it. So i got it out and he didn’t know so i got to wear it for a bit. So when the other staff member got back on shift, he saw the jacket. I was banned from wearing a sweatshirt of any kind for a month. When we had outside pe everyday in Febuary to March I would get so cold. When I would put my hands in my shirt I would get another essay. This is Central Oregon, it gets cold that time of year! So some facts about the living situation, you had three minutes for showers and bathroom. You go over that you get an essay. You get more time the higher phase you get. You ever take a shit in three minutes? If done successfully I commend you. I would go five days without shitting because one of the night workers a guy named Johnny would not keep track of time when I’d get up to ask the restroom in the early morning. Johnny was an angel in a sense. Taking an uninterrupted shit was some of the most bliss I could get. Not trying to be gross but when using the restroom even was so restricted, being able to use the restroom not timed felt like hitting the lotto. When we’d wake up at seven am we only had 1 min to get up and make our bed, timed, if we didn’t make it wed get an essay. I’m naming these things as I remember different events, not necessarily in chronological order, but different events that happened. I had a peach fuzz mustache i was so proud of and long curly hair. They gave me a buzz cut and forced me to shave. My dad sent my grandpa Andrews old electric razor. That’s my dads dad. My biggest hero in my life. His name I got tatted on me at 19. I write this at 29. He died when I was 9. Most of the other kids had razors you could charge, mine needed to be plugged in to work, I didn’t understand that. I had never shaved to begin with, so I thought it was broken. I threw it away and put in a request for a new one. My father told them it was a plug in, but it was already to late so he needed to order me a new one. At a group therapy session thing, yeah we did that every day, and none of the people working there had any degrees that could go to the field they were working in. Anyway my writing is not perfect so as I was saying, at a group therapy thing, Jad one of the main guys working there brought up the razor, he said I knew it wasn’t broken, but I just wanted a new one. You don’t love your grandpa youre just a selfish little bitch. Those words still are ingrained in my mind. I know they are false but god damn they hurt. I cried. As I cried he just continued to tell me how selfish I am and im a bitch a pussy etc. William Frederick Andrews was my grandfathers name, as said I got it tatted on me at 19. He was born 1924, in 2024, my first child, a son, was born, William Frederick Andrews II. I call that a moral victory. Crazy how it worked out to be a 100 year difference. Another time it was 420, I cried because I wanted to smoke and he called me out on it in group therapy. He called me a bitch, a pussy, the usual. Weird things happened there, like one time they did a “fire drill” in the middle of the night, we had to go out into the cold in our underwear for five minutes until it was over. There were girls there but they were in a separate area. When they walked by or vice versa we had to look the other way. One of the many reasons it got shut down is there was a case of a student raping another. Apparently the girl who reported it got hounded in group therapy to the point she recanted. Now I could be wrong, but I think I know the person who did it, only one guy from the male side reached level five to the point where he became staff and could go to the girl side for group therapy. I don’t know for sure but that’s what i assume. At one point they were building a new building and they had us digging the ground around it for construction. Yeah they had us do all the cleaning indoors and out doors. If you were bad you could have your school privileges taken away. I had one kid who was a phase above me copy my work. He got caught. He got demoted, and got repromoted before I left. I never got past phase 1. So phase 1 red shirt. Phase 2 green shirt. Phase 3 Blue shirt. Phase 4 and above whatever you want. Like I said a lot of this is not in order. I am writing this in one go after years of talking about it to my loved ones. Put my thoughts to the pen, or keyboard in this case. So they did this thing were it was like a week, where it was the program or some weird name. They would break you down and “build you up” you would get a demeaning name for a week and then get an empowering name. I got the picture that if you were just a weed smoking low grade getting teen, you wouldn’t be ever seen as getting progress, you had to have “admitting to a bad act” of some sort. I made a story about how I let a girl cut me and drink my blood and how I thought about killing my dad. I know, like why would one lie and say that?!, well I figured if I had said I had done that and then shown to be turned good, it would reward me as changed and out that place. Looking back im like what the fuck. But I just wanted out and I was sure as hell willing to lie my way out. So yeah i went by like blood sucker or something like that for a week, but thats not bad. I remember so well one girl who was adopted and had relations with several boys back where she was from, she got sent there for that, and her name for the week was “Orphan Whore”. Also there were other students who weren’t going through the program that were involved with the process. Elon school or something like that where students yell at other students all sorts of insulting shit The end of it I reclaimed my name or whatever and they had me do like a ballet dance kind of weird thing to show rebirth, not that ballets weird, but in this scenario, yeah. I remember there was a day they said the world was going to end, someday in May 2011 some random wacko said, it made headlines as a joke more than anything, but i remember hearing it and hoping it happens because I wanted out. There was a gym there with rafters. I used to dream of hanging myself from them to get out. I dreamed about a car driving into the school and opening a wall up so we could run away. They used to tell us if we ran away there is bear and cougars out there, if they dont get us the cops will, and theyll put us in juvi just to have us sent back when out. They had these things called group essays. If someone did something and it no one admitted to it wed all have to write an essay about how we could have prevented it. One time a kid wiped shit on all the walls in the bathroom, the kid never admitted to it so we all had to write an essay on how we could have prevented it. I remember one time going to use the bathroom there was semen on the toilet seat, lol teen boys sex drive. I just wiped it off before I sat down. One time late at night I was masterbating in my bed. There was 20 of us sleeping in bunks in the same room, the kid who ended up copying my work i mentioned, saw me making some um, sheet movements, and looked my way giving me a dirty look, i just rolled over pretending like i was scratching, oh snap, almost caught. Not trying to be disgusting, teenage boys, find one that doesn’t masterbate, and i’ll give you some ocean beach front property in Kansas. You got weekly phone calls with your parents, you never dared to say what was going on because they were always listening. Letters same, they read them, so no use in saying something, they’ll just read it and throw it away, later my father asked me why didn’t you tell me what was going on? Well… My gf at the time ended up getting a bf after 6 months of waiting, i don’t blame her. Hey it was teenage love so im not hurt, but at the time it hurt because neither of us willingly ended it. She sent me a bookmark to have up there, it had us kissing on it, they took it from me for it being sexually explicit. They banned me from sitting up in bed and praying. I was atheist from 12 to 27 except for that time, i came back to my faith, praying for my exodus. I’m a christian again now, but only after I found a denomination that was open and affirming because I’m bisexual. Thinking about this, my mind can’t explain the pain, the rain of emotional trauma that falls in my cranium. Many times I’ve turned to cocaine, liquor, and suicidal thoughts because of the pain. It fucked my whole concept of everything in life. My emotions, my understanding of control of my own life, my ability to have healthy relationships, just so much. I still have dreams of being back there and wake up with nightmares, I was sixteen then, i turn 30 this year thirty, i have a beautiful amazing wife, a son who is the biggest blessing in my life, like i got it together now, but I don’t still, obvious by writing this. I remember one time getting to get my glasses prescription. They had to take me to town, the eye doctor, i thought about coming to him for help, but I thought if he works with these people, hell just report me to them, not them to authorities. My grandpa applegate, my moms dad, he died of suicide while I was gone, diagnosed with a terminal cancer he took it into his own hands. I never got to say good bye. When his funeral happened I wasn’t brought home for it, no, I was allowed to “write a letter to be read”. I wrote a letter, and it got read and a lot of family members said how deep it was and mature, I till this day have never watched the funeral video, I can’t. Because I should have been there. When I was on the wall, lookin towards the window could get me in trouble, because it was considered plotting an escape. I read in an english class I know where the caged bird sings, it became my favorite poem because I would watch the birds on the outside of the window and see how free they were. The joy of that. I was a juggalo, they banned me of talking anything icp related. I’d hum icp songs in protest, not like they knew them, also still a juggalo, two scoops of whoop. They day my dad came to get me, well I was peeing, and when I got out I saw him by the front door which was not far from the restroom, I ran up and hugged him saying oh my god dad! I love you! I started crying. He took to the place I always heard the workers there talk about a place called the Sugar Shack, a donut shop. Gosh dang good donuts! Then he took me to some cousins on the coast of oregon. Two days being out I was running on the beaches of the oregon coast. The sand in my feet, the breeze, the feeling of freedom. Scotts Valley School was shut down i think in 2016 for child abuse, i will link articles, but damn that place will forever haunt my head. The bats of the cave of my mind. I am married now with a family. I do my best to be a strong individual and provide, but this place has forever scared me and left me feeling weak. I couldn’t protect myself, so now I want to do everything to protect my family and be there for them. Scotts Valley school, I now live in a place called Scott Valley, the geographic area name, all come full circle? There is probably a lot more I could add to this, but for now, I just wanted to write down the bare minimum. If you have read this, thank you. I have found peace in my mind, heart, and soul as much as I can, and I hope those who have gone through similar ordeals can find some semblance of peace in their existence as well. I thank Jesus for keeping me hopeful in times I wanted to die. God bless you all.
https://www.statesmanjournal.com/story/news/politics/2015/12/14/lack-food-among-abuse-and-neglect-complaints-boarding-school/77246394/
https://www.oregonlive.com/politics/2015/12/hunger_vulgar_names_oregon_air.html
https://www.columbian.com/news/2016/jan/07/oregon-threatens-license-of-teen-boarding-school/
https://www.facebook.com/anorexicchild/posts/scotts-valley-boarding-school-in-yoncalla-oregon-scotts-valley-school-starved-th/368786460137878/
https://media.oregonlive.com/politics_impact/otheScotts%20Valley%20Notice%20of%20Intent%20to%20Revoke%20December%2011%202015.pdf
Ps the starved kid in the please eat post is not me

My Experience 

It was January 10, 2011. I’ll never forget that date. It was the day my life changed. Also it was the day of the college football national championship. I was and still am a big college football fan (Go Cal Bears!). Oregon was set to play auburn and i was going to watch it with my neighbor two doors down. I had been doing poorly in school, and yeah was a big pot head, still am, but am much more responsible. Anyways i told myself this semester i was going to actually try in school. I woke up at six am to get ready for my day, something that i never do. I went to put on my shoes and i noticed the laces were missing. Immediately i went to my mom and asked where are my laces? She wouldn’t give me an answer and was just acting so strange. Eventually she left the house and as she was leaving two men were walking up our walkway. I figured they were plumbers considering we had plumbing issues recently. They walked in and before I knew it they walked up to me on either side and slammed me to the ground and handcuffed me. I didn’t react as it was, I didn’t expect it for one, and for two when it began I froze, I didn’t know what to do. Once on the ground I started to squirm, I screamed “Please Help me help me I’m being kidnapped! Please!” They responded No use in screaming no one can hear you. I kept screaming. One of them said go ahead get it over with when your quiet it’ll be over sooner. After probably about ten minutes, I realized no use in fighting, they helped me up and walked me to a small suv and put me in the back and put the seat belt on me. This was the beginning. I remember on the way up to Yoncalla Oregon from Sacramento California we stopped at a burger king. They offered to get me some but food was the last thing on my mind. Looking back I wish I had taken up the offer. I remember being by the ashtray seeing a half smoked cigarette and asking to smoke it, they said I couldn’t. After a long drive we got there they walked me in. The whole way I talked about how I’d get away and run away. Well of course they told the staff at Scott Valley. By the way this is the perfect point to say I was sent to Scott Valley School in Yoncalla, Oregon. One of the many so called trouble teen schools. So being told I had threatened to run away I was put on runaway watch. For about two weeks I was forced to sleep under a light. I obviously didn’t get much sleep. Also I always had two higher phase watchers who would stand on each side of me. They had phases there was like five or six I believe. Most were 2 and 1. There were like 3 phase 3’s and 1 phase 5. There was like 20-30 of us at a time. Anyway where do I start. As I write this, with the emotions and ptsd it comes in full force and yet hazy at the same time. Maybe my head trying to protect me? So I was there seven months, thank god thats it. There were people that had been there years. Some of the people there, my god, I don’t know what to say. From a 12 year old who molested his 1 year old brother and put fish hooks in his carpet so his parents would step on it, to kids that were in there later teens who had used hard drugs, kids that had been molested and acted out as a result, kids that just were wilding out period, a lot of different walks. After I got off of runaway watch I got back on it within two weeks. I was in trouble sitting at the essay table while pe was going on. So one of the punishments was writing essays. But anyway there were two other kids at the table, the twelve year old i mentioned above and the only black kid there on the boys side. I looked at them and said if we worked together we could escape this place. They both just dead stared at me. When it was time to line up, the 12 year old went away first, the other kid looked at me and said were gonna get in trouble, that kid is a snitch and is going to tell on you. He was right. I got put on the “wall” because of that. For two weeks when not eating, sleeping, or using the bathroom, I was staring at a wall were a dot was drawn with a piece of paper on it. I would just let my imagination run wild while this happened thinking about home, friends, family, make believe countries governments politics, anything to keep the mind entertained or semi at peace! There was a green jacket my parents sent up for me that was my grandpa on my mothers side. Grandpa Applegate. It was a super cool green jacket with fake fure on the color, it looked like something you’d wear in the winter in Moscow. They said it had too many pockets and I could hide things in it. So they took it away. They put it in the Pod where all of our extra stuff was stored. Well one pod day where we could exchange stuff, there was a different staff member on duty then the one who said I couldn’t wear it. So i got it out and he didn’t know so i got to wear it for a bit. So when the other staff member got back on shift, he saw the jacket. I was banned from wearing a sweatshirt of any kind for a month. When we had outside pe everyday in Febuary to March I would get so cold. When I would put my hands in my shirt I would get another essay. This is Central Oregon, it gets cold that time of year! So some facts about the living situation, you had three minutes for showers and bathroom. You go over that you get an essay. You get more time the higher phase you get. You ever take a shit in three minutes? If done successfully I commend you. I would go five days without shitting because one of the night workers a guy named Johnny would not keep track of time when I’d get up to ask the restroom in the early morning. Johnny was an angel in a sense. Taking an uninterrupted shit was some of the most bliss I could get. Not trying to be gross but when using the restroom even was so restricted, being able to use the restroom not timed felt like hitting the lotto. When we’d wake up at seven am we only had 1 min to get up and make our bed, timed, if we didn’t make it wed get an essay. I’m naming these things as I remember different events, not necessarily in chronological order, but different events that happened. I had a peach fuzz mustache i was so proud of and long curly hair. They gave me a buzz cut and forced me to shave. My dad sent my grandpa Andrews old electric razor. That’s my dads dad. My biggest hero in my life. His name I got tatted on me at 19. I write this at 29. He died when I was 9. Most of the other kids had razors you could charge, mine needed to be plugged in to work, I didn’t understand that. I had never shaved to begin with, so I thought it was broken. I threw it away and put in a request for a new one. My father told them it was a plug in, but it was already to late so he needed to order me a new one. At a group therapy session thing, yeah we did that every day, and none of the people working there had any degrees that could go to the field they were working in. Anyway my writing is not perfect so as I was saying, at a group therapy thing, Jad one of the main guys working there brought up the razor, he said I knew it wasn’t broken, but I just wanted a new one. You don’t love your grandpa youre just a selfish little bitch. Those words still are ingrained in my mind. I know they are false but god damn they hurt. I cried. As I cried he just continued to tell me how selfish I am and im a bitch a pussy etc. William Frederick Andrews was my grandfathers name, as said I got it tatted on me at 19. He was born 1924, in 2024, my first child, a son, was born, William Frederick Andrews II. I call that a moral victory. Crazy how it worked out to be a 100 year difference. Another time it was 420, I cried because I wanted to smoke and he called me out on it in group therapy. He called me a bitch, a pussy, the usual. Weird things happened there, like one time they did a “fire drill” in the middle of the night, we had to go out into the cold in our underwear for five minutes until it was over. There were girls there but they were in a separate area. When they walked by or vice versa we had to look the other way. One of the many reasons it got shut down is there was a case of a student raping another. Apparently the girl who reported it got hounded in group therapy to the point she recanted. Now I could be wrong, but I think I know the person who did it, only one guy from the male side reached level five to the point where he became staff and could go to the girl side for group therapy. I don’t know for sure but that’s what i assume. At one point they were building a new building and they had us digging the ground around it for construction. Yeah they had us do all the cleaning indoors and out doors. If you were bad you could have your school privileges taken away. I had one kid who was a phase above me copy my work. He got caught. He got demoted, and got repromoted before I left. I never got past phase 1. So phase 1 red shirt. Phase 2 green shirt. Phase 3 Blue shirt. Phase 4 and above whatever you want. Like I said a lot of this is not in order. I am writing this in one go after years of talking about it to my loved ones. Put my thoughts to the pen, or keyboard in this case. So they did this thing were it was like a week, where it was the program or some weird name. They would break you down and “build you up” you would get a demeaning name for a week and then get an empowering name. I got the picture that if you were just a weed smoking low grade getting teen, you wouldn’t be ever seen as getting progress, you had to have “admitting to a bad act” of some sort. I made a story about how I let a girl cut me and drink my blood and how I thought about killing my dad. I know, like why would one lie and say that?!, well I figured if I had said I had done that and then shown to be turned good, it would reward me as changed and out that place. Looking back im like what the fuck. But I just wanted out and I was sure as hell willing to lie my way out. So yeah i went by like blood sucker or something like that for a week, but thats not bad. I remember so well one girl who was adopted and had relations with several boys back where she was from, she got sent there for that, and her name for the week was “Orphan Whore”. Also there were other students who weren’t going through the program that were involved with the process. Elon school or something like that where students yell at other students all sorts of insulting shit The end of it I reclaimed my name or whatever and they had me do like a ballet dance kind of weird thing to show rebirth, not that ballets weird, but in this scenario, yeah. I remember there was a day they said the world was going to end, someday in May 2011 some random wacko said, it made headlines as a joke more than anything, but i remember hearing it and hoping it happens because I wanted out. There was a gym there with rafters. I used to dream of hanging myself from them to get out. I dreamed about a car driving into the school and opening a wall up so we could run away. They used to tell us if we ran away there is bear and cougars out there, if they dont get us the cops will, and theyll put us in juvi just to have us sent back when out. They had these things called group essays. If someone did something and it no one admitted to it wed all have to write an essay about how we could have prevented it. One time a kid wiped shit on all the walls in the bathroom, the kid never admitted to it so we all had to write an essay on how we could have prevented it. I remember one time going to use the bathroom there was semen on the toilet seat, lol teen boys sex drive. I just wiped it off before I sat down. One time late at night I was masterbating in my bed. There was 20 of us sleeping in bunks in the same room, the kid who ended up copying my work i mentioned, saw me making some um, sheet movements, and looked my way giving me a dirty look, i just rolled over pretending like i was scratching, oh snap, almost caught. Not trying to be disgusting, teenage boys, find one that doesn’t masterbate, and i’ll give you some ocean beach front property in Kansas. You got weekly phone calls with your parents, you never dared to say what was going on because they were always listening. Letters same, they read them, so no use in saying something, they’ll just read it and throw it away, later my father asked me why didn’t you tell me what was going on? Well… My gf at the time ended up getting a bf after 6 months of waiting, i don’t blame her. Hey it was teenage love so im not hurt, but at the time it hurt because neither of us willingly ended it. She sent me a bookmark to have up there, it had us kissing on it, they took it from me for it being sexually explicit. They banned me from sitting up in bed and praying. I was atheist from 12 to 27 except for that time, i came back to my faith, praying for my exodus. I’m a christian again now, but only after I found a denomination that was open and affirming because I’m bisexual. Thinking about this, my mind can’t explain the pain, the rain of emotional trauma that falls in my cranium. Many times I’ve turned to cocaine, liquor, and suicidal thoughts because of the pain. It fucked my whole concept of everything in life. My emotions, my understanding of control of my own life, my ability to have healthy relationships, just so much. I still have dreams of being back there and wake up with nightmares, I was sixteen then, i turn 30 this year thirty, i have a beautiful amazing wife, a son who is the biggest blessing in my life, like i got it together now, but I don’t still, obvious by writing this. I remember one time getting to get my glasses prescription. They had to take me to town, the eye doctor, i thought about coming to him for help, but I thought if he works with these people, hell just report me to them, not them to authorities. My grandpa applegate, my moms dad, he died of suicide while I was gone, diagnosed with a terminal cancer he took it into his own hands. I never got to say good bye. When his funeral happened I wasn’t brought home for it, no, I was allowed to “write a letter to be read”. I wrote a letter, and it got read and a lot of family members said how deep it was and mature, I till this day have never watched the funeral video, I can’t. Because I should have been there. When I was on the wall, lookin towards the window could get me in trouble, because it was considered plotting an escape. I read in an english class I know where the caged bird sings, it became my favorite poem because I would watch the birds on the outside of the window and see how free they were. The joy of that. I was a juggalo, they banned me of talking anything icp related. I’d hum icp songs in protest, not like they knew them, also still a juggalo, two scoops of whoop. They day my dad came to get me, well I was peeing, and when I got out I saw him by the front door which was not far from the restroom, I ran up and hugged him saying oh my god dad! I love you! I started crying. He took to the place I always heard the workers there talk about a place called the Sugar Shack, a donut shop. Gosh dang good donuts! Then he took me to some cousins on the coast of oregon. Two days being out I was running on the beaches of the oregon coast. The sand in my feet, the breeze, the feeling of freedom. Scotts Valley School was shut down i think in 2016 for child abuse, i will link articles, but damn that place will forever haunt my head. The bats of the cave of my mind. I am married now with a family. I do my best to be a strong individual and provide, but this place has forever scared me and left me feeling weak. I couldn’t protect myself, so now I want to do everything to protect my family and be there for them. Scotts Valley school, I now live in a place called Scott Valley, the geographic area name, all come full circle? There is probably a lot more I could add to this, but for now, I just wanted to write down the bare minimum. If you have read this, thank you. I have found peace in my mind, heart, and soul as much as I can, and I hope those who have gone through similar ordeals can find some semblance of peace in their existence as well. I thank Jesus for keeping me hopeful in times I wanted to die. God bless you all.
https://www.statesmanjournal.com/story/news/politics/2015/12/14/lack-food-among-abuse-and-neglect-complaints-boarding-school/77246394/
https://www.oregonlive.com/politics/2015/12/hunger_vulgar_names_oregon_air.html
https://www.columbian.com/news/2016/jan/07/oregon-threatens-license-of-teen-boarding-school/
https://www.facebook.com/anorexicchild/posts/scotts-valley-boarding-school-in-yoncalla-oregon-scotts-valley-school-starved-th/368786460137878/
https://media.oregonlive.com/politics_impact/otheScotts%20Valley%20Notice%20of%20Intent%20to%20Revoke%20December%2011%202015.pdf
Ps the starved kid in the please eat post is not me

Hello. I'm 33, F, from Bangalore. I have a master's degree in English, and I've been working for 10 years now. Recently, I was laid off from the place I was working in for 8 years. This made me wonder if I should just semi-retire soon.
A bit about me and my family: I live with my mother, who is somewhat dependent on me. She does get a small pension. My father passed away 4 years ago from brain cancer after being bedridden for 3 years and unwell for 20. I've grown up in a strange kind of poverty because of continuous medical bills. My father was the only one earning. This has traumatized me for life.
I have a sister, 35, who is married and works in IT. My BIL, 35, is into pre-sales and marketing, and together, they earn very well (upward of 50 LPA totally) and currently own a new car and a new home. Of course, with the help of loans. They're also childfree.
I take no financial help from my sister. My mom and I live together in the home built by my father 12 years ago. It's a beautiful, little brick house. We built it for 20 lakhs, and we're proud of its design (we designed it) and architecture.
Coming to my health: - I have had a whole lot of mental illnesses ever since my teens, including depression, anxiety, and insomnia. I was on medication for all of this, and I recently tapered off all of them. - I had 2 bouts of typhoid and dengue. - I am autistic. - I had an eating disorder, anorexia nervosa, from 19 to 29 years. - I recovered from that, and with the stress of my father's passing, got diagnosed with T2 diabetes, which is now under control. - I had severe anemia requiring infusions, which is now getting better.
Coming to life plans: - I do not plan to get married though I've been in a complicated relationship for over a decade. - I do not plan to have kids (for very many reasons). I'm ardently childfree.
My current expenses: - It comes up to 50k a month, if I'm generous. This includes grocery, medical bills, eating out, water-electricity-internet, subscriptions etc. - I don't have expensive hobbies. I don't like luxury, clothes, make-up, etc. - I spend on plants, rescuing injured animals, home decor, and upkeep of the house.
Coming to my finances: - Last CTC was 18 LPA - 18 lakhs in SBI FD - 28 lakhs in IDFC savings (this includes the recent gratuity and full and final settlement from my previous job. I know this needs to be moved out, but I'm waiting to see what my job scene is to decide how to invest this.) - 12 lakhs in PF - 6 lakhs in MF (1st installment paid for SBI Smart Elite midcap investment). This needs to be paid annually for a minimum of 4 more years. - Health insurance with 50 lakhs coverage - Mother's insurance is covered too - I'd saved 10 lakhs more, but I had horrible dental expenses owing to my teeth eroding from starvation.
Given the above info, is it possible for me to semi-retire in the next 4 years after I finish my SBI investments? I'll have around 40-50 lakhs from that (depending on how much it grows) and around 50 lakhs (or more) from the rest of my savings. If I use this money wisely, can I just live off of it? What or whom should I save further for anyway? Our house and my sister's house will both be donated to a cause we have in mind.
Once I finish the SBI investment, I want to then only take freelance projects of my liking, focus on my health, read, write, garden, etc. I've worked too hard for too long. I've always worked 2-3 jobs at a time, and I paid for my master's degree.
With all this info, please tell me if my plan is viable. I'd appreciate your valuable advice. Thank you for reading!

I (19f) am a counselor at a summer camp for type one diabetic kids and teens. The camp helped me a lot growing up and truly gives kids a community. The camp offers scholarships for families who can’t afford it, so it also allows kids in the foster care system to come. Last year, I had the sweetest camper in my cabin (we’ll call her C). She was 9 years old and genuinely caused 0 issues, she was also a foster kid. I won’t go into details about C’s situation but it was heartbreaking. Towards the end of the week, she started crying and when I asked what was wrong she told me she overheard some adults who run the camp talking about her and how she will not be getting a scholarship the following year. She was heartbroken, but me? I was just angry. I thought it was ridiculous to deny any camper who needs a scholarship one, and even worse to talk about that stuff around campers. Once I calmed her down, I went to talk to the people who run the camp and I asked what they meant by that, they started asking where I heard them, and even got upset at my camper for “eavesdropping”. I ignored that and continued with my question and asked why she won’t be able to come back the following year. Their reasoning was that she cried a lot during the week and it was bringing the rest of the campers down. But hello? she’s nine. all of my campers cried at least once that week which is normal for that age. She has good reason to cry too. I told them that it wasn’t right to take camp away from any kid but especially a child that truly needs help and support with her type 1.
About a week later I was put into a mandatory meeting on zoom where they told me to stay out of things like this in the future.
So, am I the asshole?

I am not okay. I am supremely not okay. I’m going to tell my story to the void, hoping that it will help. This is going to be very long, and I apologize. I’m looking for…I don’t know. Advice to cope? Validation or words of affirmation? Just knowing I’m not alone?
Trigger warnings for pregnancy loss and infertility. Are trigger warnings a thing on here?
A few years ago, I was having some issues wrapping my mind around something in my marriage (it’s all good now, we worked through it/ It was not an issue of right or wrong, just a situation I wasn’t familiar with), and I came to Reddit for advice. Some people had good advice, but one person linked me to a podcast saying “they have something for you to hear.” Thinking it was more advice on the subject, I listened. It was a podcast that had found my content and used it for their show. They tore me a new one. If the hosts had known me from birth they couldn’t have blasted out every insecurity I ever had better than they did. I wanted to die after hearing that. I deleted everything I every wrote on reddit, and that account. I made a new one and I’ve been very careful with what I post, like, comment on since then. All this to say: I can take criticism, but please be kind. And please do NOT use my pain for your podcast/tiktok/whatever. Thank you.
Ever since I was little, I wanted to be a mother, more than anything. I wanted a family of my own. It shaped everything I did. When you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up it was always “(something) and a mommy.” I babysat as a young (and mid, and older) teen so that I could get more experience with children for when I had a family. I was a camp counselor for the same reason. I enrolled in a college with a great teaching program so that I could be around kids, but be home for after school times and the summer, for (you guessed it) when I had children of my own. After working as a camp counselor from a CIT to a junior counselor, to a senior counselor, I became so good at handling all the children that the other groups in our unit would often combine on very hot days and I would watch everyone. I entertained about 60 children with stories and sing alongs, while the other counselors took very needed breaks (I offered - and they were around for backup. I was not being taken advantage of). I did start to get burned out, and after my first semester at college I became worried that I’d get burned out from teaching and not want my own children - so I switched majors.
Everything decision I made in my life was to further my dream of having my own children. Maybe it’s because I was adopted. Maybe it’s because I didn’t love how I was raised and wanted to do better. Maybe I’m just wired that way.
This is not to say that I was baby-crazy. I had a good head on my shoulders. I always used protection with boyfriends and was very careful with my birth control. I wanted children, but not before I was ready and could provide for them.During my first (way too young, should have stayed friends but didn’t, and short lived) marriage, we looked into having children, but in a few years’ time. I spoke to a doctor about it, only to find out I had PCOS and it would probably be difficult. We ended up divorcing fairly early on for other reasons.
I met my second husband years later. My dreams quickly became his dreams. We started trying. Nothing happened. We ended up getting married about a year earlier than we had planned to so that I could be on his insurance, because mine didn’t cover fertility treatments. We found a fertility doctor and I spent a full year getting physically ready to go through treatments. I was a bit overweight and worked with doctors. I got my diabetes in check. I quit smoking. I worked hard to get every hormone level right in the middle of “perfect”. Finally, the doctor was satisfied with everything (he really was quite the perfectionist) and I started getting shots. They made me insane, but it was worth it. And knowing that it was the hormones shots that made me so overly emotional, I was able to contain the crazy for the most part (I literally cried one day because we were out of tissues. Another time I cried because I was watching The Little Mermaid and remembered that Ariel gets legs at the end and who wouldn’t want to be a mermaid?!?). Anyway, we conceived pretty early on.
The happiest day of my life was when I saw the positive test. All of my dreams, all of my hopes, all of my hard work….it was finally coming true! My husband was ecstatic! I didn’t even mind the morning sickness (which wasn’t that bad. Just constant nausea). Or the new sensitivity I had to smells. I found every change fascinating. I prayed every night, thanking god for blessing us with this child, and only ever asking for “healthy, happy and whole.” Those three words became my mantra. I fell asleep every night with my hand over where my uterus was, trying to project those words into my growing child.
I wouldn’t be here if this had a happy ending.
I wasn’t pregnant for very long. There was one day that I was…well, there’s no polite way to put this. Extremely horny. I was ready to jump anything. I took care of the issue myself, and got off. I hadn’t for weeks, being afraid that I would somehow screw things up. I wanted to wait until that embryo was FIRMLY embedded and not going anywhere. A few minutes after I finished, I had a little bit of cramping. There was a little bit of blood. I immediately called the 24hr line for the doctor, and was told by whoever answered that this was normal. That I didn’t do anything wrong, and that it would all be fine. I knew in my heart they were wrong, but tried to ignore that. It went away after about an hour. I continued with my prayers. I continued with my life. I had already made all of the changes to my diet that were necessary. I did everything “right”.
I had been going for weekly blood tests, since like I said, the fertility doctor was a perfectionist and wanted to monitor things closely. I got the results in the online portal at the same time the doctor did. I came to know and understand what they meant before the doctor would call with an explanation. The blood test after this incident showed that my levels were dropping. It wasn’t dangerous yet, but it could be.
The next week, before my weekly test, I went to a friend’s house who was having a garage sale soon. She was offering things to her friends first. She made kind of a party of everything. I was about 2 months pregnant. I went to the bathroom and saw blood. I came out and my husband knew something was wrong. A look on my face, I guess. I told him I was bleeding, like a lot, and we called the emergency line again. I was in tears. The woman who answered wouldn’t listen to me. She thought I was just being nervous. She listened to my husband, though. My friends had me lay down with my feet elevated. We were told to go to the ER. They did an ultrasound. That poor technician - I begged her with tears in my eyes to tell me something. Anything. I knew she wasn’t allowed to but I didn’t care at that moment. She bent enough to tell me that she did see something was still there, but she couldn’t see more than that; the on-call doctor would have to look at it. The doctor came in and told me that there was no heartbeat. My hormone levels showed that the fetus was no longer viable. I was miscarrying.
I still remember that look of pure pity. Tears were running down my face and I just wanted her to leave so I could give in to them. Finally she left and my husband climbed onto the bed with me and we cried together.
That was in March. They had contacted my fertility specialist who said he wanted me to try and continue to carry for two weeks to see if they could then look at the cells to see what went wrong. I carried (what I considered) my dead child for two weeks before my D&C. After my D&C they put me in a room with a new mother and her crying child. In April, I had a follow up with my ob-gyn and my fertility specialist. I found out that nothing had gone wrong genetically. I was asked if I wanted to know the sex, because they were able to tell me. NO. Yes. No…..yes. Girl. We had a name picked out for her.
Mother’s day came in May, of course. It was….I was not okay. Losing my daughter wasn’t just the loss of a pregnancy, it was the loss of all of my hopes and dreams come true. We tried a few more times but could never conceive after that. We looked into adoption, but I was told flat out that no one would give me a child because I was polyamorous. We eventually gave up.
Yes, I went to therapy. It helped, some. But I found that around mid March, to around a week after Mother’s Day, I’d start to get very depressed. It would get worse up until MD, and then I’d start to be okay again. Every year. We tried cutting ourselves off from any mention of the holiday. That of course didn’t work. We tried leaning into it, at the suggestion of my therapist. We acknowledged her. I made us morse code bracelets with her name and “forever in our hearts”. I planned a tattoo, but never had the money to get it. I still plan on it, one day.
The worst part? It’s also the best part. Every year at MD, I can’t seem to get out of bed. I just lay there and stare. Or get rip-roaring drunk. It’s a terrible coping mechanism, I know. But I plan my yearly breakdown. I know it’s going to happen, so that one day a year I give in, but do it in the most healthy way I can. I make sure not to be alone. My husband (or this year, my partner) makes sure I eat and drink plenty of water. But I see her. Not really. I don’t actually see her, I don’t actually hear her. I have a very good imagination, and intrusive thoughts. That’s all this is. I know it’s not real and I am not delusional. But I imagine her, as she would be if she had been born. I can’t seem to help it. I’m not sure I want to, to be completely honest. It’s not healthy, but I can’t seem to stop. (I’m going to use the words “see” and “hear”, but please know that I mean “imagine”.) I see her down the hall, or peeking around the corner. I hear her asking “mommy, why are you crying? Mommy why won’t you get up and play with me?” She has frizzy hair. Glasses. My husband’s eczema. My eyes. My build. His nose. I am haunted by my daughter who was never born. I want it to stop, but I never want it to stop.
This year, it started early. I’m going through a TON of stress right now in several areas of my life. This started about a week ago. Again, I know it’s not real. I know it’s just my depression mixed with my very good imagination. I don’t actually see things. I don’t actually hear things. I kind of wish I did, just as much as I wish I had died 8 years ago.
I am not okay.

Just a vent:
Waif mother told me today that she thinks she may need to go i to hospice. What’s wrong, you ask? Stomach pains and inconsistent bowel movements. Went through this exact thing last year. She had every test and scan and was prescribed Miralax and told to drink more water.
She’s 84, with perfect blood pressure, decent mobility for her age, excellent heart rhythms, perfect bloodwork, no diabetes, never had cancer, doesn’t fall, hasn’t ever had surgery ourrise id wisdom teeth. Yet she is extremely anxious about her health and calls me multiple times a day saying she is going to die, she can only eat a teaspoon of food, etc. she tells me “you have no idea how difficult my life is.” She is in a very expensive assisted living and I pay for additional help, she has zero tasks or responsibilities as I have taken it all on and pretty much abdicated her own role as a parent when I was a teen, she never worked and definitely never took care of her own parents….meanwhile I’m juggling work, my own kids and my own chronic digestive disorder… and there are some folks in her assisted living who are in wheelchairs, recovering from cancer or surgery etc but no one can possibly be suffering more than my mother.
Anyway I said “do you want go to the ER? She said yes but not today, I want you to take me tomorrow (mother day which I planned to cook brunch for her, my MIL and our kids).
UPDATE: mom decided she was okay today (turns out she needed tums, not hospice). I go to pick her up at her assisted living to bring her over for brunch with my MIL. She complains on the way that she would have preferred that we go there instead (they do a brunch) but only mentions it this morning (and usually complains about being stuck there). I tell her that my MIL is also coming over which is why we are hosting and she says: “ I wish, for once, that I was the only mother.” Meaning the center of attention (also conveniently forgetting the fact that I have kids too!). We get to our house and I start to put out the spread of food and then she says that she only can handle a little soup and all she has been eating lately is “a spoonful of soup here and there.” We don’t have the soup she can tolerate so I leave and go to the market. I return with soup and she has managed to put away a piece of quiche, muffin, fruit salad and Prosecco. She declines the soup. In fact everyone has eaten. My spouse takes both of the mothers home and I do the dishes and realize that no one has done a damn thing for me today, no card or even happy Mother’s Day. . I’m not really into these holidays but also realize that I’ve been so adamant not to be like my mom that I’ve also never expressed that hey, sometimes I would like to be acknowledged because it feels too demanding.. And I feel weird and bad for even feeling sad about this, like i am weak and pathetic, it’s “stupid” to feel sad about today being entirely about my mothers needs and never about mine, which has been the pattern with her most of my life.
Ugh, next year I swear I’m taking myself to a spa or something.

Don't be discouraged!

I recently saw some posts that appear to discourage translating the Zen text, and I think that is a mistake. There have been some fair points made, and some I think are unfair.
One of the first points I'd like to bring up is the fact that there is so many text which haven't been translated to English. The academics and scholars who are interested in these text haven't gotten to them, and there doesn't appear to be many interested to start with.
So do not be discouraged from examining text by studying the Chinese and bringing to light any insights you find there. In doing so I have found a richer cultural understanding connected with these texts that previous translated versions haven't included in their works.
With that said the question about qualification was brought up. I think it is an interesting question with some interesting considerations. In my view what I do is not all that different from a guy reading a book, and studying it in various ways using the tools at my disposal.

When I started working with text

Though my work with the Chinese text has been far more vast and extensive than anything I've done before, this isn't the first time I studied other languages to better understand a text. When I was a teen it was all physical work; sprawled out with various versions of the text, multiple physical concordances, pages of notations, quotes from various reference materials, and so on. All purely out of a personal interest in understanding the text and what was being talked about.

Modern translating

It used to be stacks of books, phone calls, and trips to libraries and book stores, to physically hunt down resources. Today, I can visit a couple of sites that host most of those resources in a matter of seconds and be deep into the text in minutes.
The resources available to you today, is lightyears beyond what was available to the guys in China over a thousand years ago, and certainly a significant improvement upon the resources available to the guys in the 60s through the 90s depending on the translator. Some of them had a high level of academic standard which could be achieved today online in a year or more. I do want to give them props, I know back then it was a massive undertaking.
You can see, for those who put notation or translator descriptions in their text, what their resources looked like. In some cases the resources we have with the internet dwarfs what they had access to.

How academics go about it

They go about it differently depending on their area of study. There are those who got degrees in religious studies, and the way they go about it differs from someone specifically studying the history of the Chinese language in the specific area and time one of these text existed.
Most will use all the resources available to them to produce a very high standard of precision and quality with their work. Though many of us may not have access to academic level resources, tools, and connections, we should encourage the highest level of standard we can produce if we choose to do the work. We may not achieve anything like modern academia can achieve, but if the text was translated long ago, or hasn't been translated at all, I see no problem in us trying to translate a text. If an academic, scholar or anyone more knowledgeable comes along and offers advice or becomes a resource, that would be awesome and we can improve upon where we started. One key working for us, is practice tends to improve the more you do it.

How I go about it

I do it as something I enjoy. I'm not trying to sell anything, not trying to present it as some high quality academic fixture. It's just something I enjoy doing and while I wait for some scholar to take up the challenge, I'm going to see what the untranslated text says, and may even check various English translations out of curiosity. Not only does it help me better understand how other qualified translators produced, but in doing so I have seen mistakes, mistranslations, misquoted names, and nuance that was clearly lost in the translation but is readily available information online today.
GPT AI it's a language model, that's what it does.
What that means is that the AI is suited to simulate an understanding of language based on its training. Using machine learning to simulate active talking and language comprehension. That fact makes it helpful for understanding what is being said in another language.
Current AI isn't remotely perfect at this. It makes errors, hallucinates, breaks, and has a poor level of consistency with its tone, style, and voice, as well as memory problems forgetting prompts. It gets confused a lot and is like working with someone who kind of knows Chinese, but has issues. Until I meet someone who is better at rendering the Chinese, I'll be using the AI to get a starting point in translating. There is a lot of nuance with how to work with it, but I'll give a few insights I have.
Create a small set of prompts and put it somewhere you can easily copy and paste. Keeping the prompt identical helps keep it going, whereas changing the wording around tends to confuse it more often.
A simple example of a prompt is: "We are translating a classical Chinese text into English renders. Make no additions to the text and keep the index tags in place."
Another helpful key is to limit how much you get it to translate in one instance. After you've translated a few thousand characters, open a new instance and start the prompt over.
One last note on AI assisted translating, after it has rendered a few lines of text, go back and post block by block prompting the AI: "Give me a break down of the characters including any character combinations you find." In doing this I have found quite a few cultural elements, names, or historical references that appear to have been unknown to a few English translators.

Beyond AI

Before I translate a text I try to research its history. Sometimes there is a wealth of knowledge on it, other times there isn't a lot out there. For example, finding the source for Cleary's translation of Foyen's poem "Sitting Meditation" took a lot of exploring before I tracked it down. I like to get an overview of what all is said about the text, and the internet sometimes offers rich insights into it.
After I look for English sources talking about the text, I do the same research using Chinese sources on the text. I use Chinese search engines to find Chinese resources about the various text, meanings of characters going back to the oracle bone script when possible, and the like. Depending on what I am doing, sometimes it involves copying simplified Chinese on the matter, and dropping that into the AI. It seems to handle simplified Chinese a lot better than it does old Chinese.
One last note on how I go about it, is that I also use Chinese search engines to find resources like encyclopedias, dictionaries, and Chinese to English translators. The site might be in Chinese and a little tricky to navigate, and the translators haven't been super useful, but it puts the idea out there for others to use in new ways.

Open source translation work. Transparency

I think it is highly possible for us to be a part of a new phenomena of our modern technology. For the average person 50 years ago or more, exposure to any of this took physically going to these resources. In our modern times, following the information age, we have entered the information overload age. Where there is so much information available to the individual that a child could spend every day doing research, and not nearly study it all before they die of old age.
Working together as a community is a way of socially digesting all this information by taking bite size tasks, collaborating with others, and improving the work by updating it as more information becomes available to us. An open source type project which opens up the text to a deeper understanding of its Chinese roots. Bringing all these resources together for community exposure, where this information may have only been available to academics a decade or more ago.
One final point is stay transparent. I'm no expert, but I explained a little about how I have gone about it. The result is presented as such. If anyone more knowledgeable about this wants to come along and take it up, give out advice, or point us in helpful directions as a community, add to it!
I welcome any feedback others would like to give on translating, as well as questions.
As always, much love.

Hey everyone, this may be a bit long
For background, I'm late DX ADHD and was confirmed by therapist and psychiatrist that I'm autistic as well. I had a VERY abusive and violent childhood that I truly don't know how I survived. And it started since I was a baby tbh.
When I was in junior high, that's when a lot of stuff became very difficult. I didn't understand social rules and would cry all the time because I felt so lost and different from others and during this period my stepdads abuse got worse. Hes a cop and used a lot of methods on me including psychological torture. And the kids i went to school with all hated me in 8th grade, which was a year after my brother died. I was always told I was strange and creepy. I'm also half black and experienced a lot of racism.
In 8th grade I wrote a poem about how I felt like I was a puppet that people controlle and tossed me when I was no longer useful. This is a feeling I've carried with me for 28 years. Feeling disposable.
As an adult, this manifested in me having multiple abusive friendships and romantic relationships. I was diagnosed borderline, bipolar, panic disorder, agoraphobia...a long list. And I felt like i have no central self...like I am fragmented. When the lockdown happened, I felt like I started to really connect with myself. I developed in a lot of different ways and felt like I could breathe and exist. But then I had a very mentally abusive friendship where this person always said I was selfish and a terrible person...all kinds of shit. I had a falling out with a group who I realized didn't actually care for me but they found me useful. I went through multiple SA (I lived in LA at the time and was apart of a lot of diy scenes) and just things got too overwhelming and my mom was in an abusive relationship and I was worried about her so I went back to PA. Moving back in with her was a lot, because my mom and I have our own issues and I felt uncomfortable and unsafe because her fiance. I felt like a kid again an then even when I'd be around friends I felt uncomfortable and unsafe and my anxiety and paranoia would get really bad.
I always spent days after being social obsessively worrying about how people felt about and perceived me. I went through couch surfing and a lot of shit again then ended up in a very draining relationship for a year that resulted in him permanently damaging my leg. When that happened, I felt like nobody really supported me the way I needed and I also felt ashamed of myself. When we broke up, I was living alone and spiraled. I was working full time and the job was draining as well in a call center so I ended up walking out. In order to make rent, I slept with someone for money and my landlord started harassing me. A few months after that breakup, I ended up getting into another relationship that was the worst ever. He slut shamed me a lot because I have OF, would tear into my appearence and I started to feel like a shell of a person. He would get angry at me and throw my belongings down the stair,s punch holes in the walls, get in my face and scream at me...he would cause me to have awful meltdowns. There was a time when i was at my friends house for 3 days and he made his friend come pick me up and forced me to leave wiht him because he said I was cheating on him. He also went through my phone, tried to convince me my friends talked badly about me and that people didn't care about me, would comment on my weight and just like...wow writing this out is making me realize how bad it really was. I would spend days in bed because I just felt so drained. We broke up halloween bc I had a gig and he was mad at me and didn't go and then my best friend was in town and had a gig so I went with her and hung out all night and didn't get back til late the next day and HE BLEW UP ON ME SO BAD! He literally threatened to call the cops and tried to drag me out of bed. I facetimed my mom cuz he was screaming and she told me that his eyes looked scary and that he was going to put his hands on me. She got me an uber and I left and blocked him.
After all that, my landlod tried to finesse me out of money because I got a large portion of back unemployment and paid the rest of the year but he said I still owed and was doing illegal shit like he refused to get my toilet and shower fixed so I had to shower in a plastic bin cuz it was filled wit sewage. My friend flew me back to LA in december because I was about to end my life.
Now I feel like nobody. I don't know who I am. the days blend together. I live in a place with 17 people and there's days I am terrified of having to interact with anyone. And I was so excited to move in because its an art and diy space where we do events and i just feel so empty and crazy because I get overstimulated. I don't know what I like anymore. I had a period of doing graphic design and stuff but there's a person there who is triggering to me and I also feel like im in 8th grade again. I people please and I don't do anything that I like. I have a partner who is very sweet and patient and I'm not used to it.
I feel so rigid and like I'm not here. I don't feel real a lot of the times. I also had covid the last month of my abusive relationship
But I feel like a living dead person. I have no interests anymore and am so badly dissociated. And then i feel like im hyperfixated on whats happening in the world and it is making my ocd bad...like I worry about being a bad person and my actions killing and harming others. I am so exhausted and feel like I'm going to break down. I don't know what this is, but i'm scared. like I literally just feel like a pre teen who is scared and confused and doesn't know what to do. I dj, but like lately when I do it makes me want to d*3 the next day...and I am dependent on alcohol and then that makes me scared of what I say unfiltered i just don't know what to do. I worry about doing everything wrong. and I started to get paranoia badly earlier today even though my roommates all are nice and supportive towards me. Thank you for listening

Hi,
I'm searching for someone who writes/works with me on storys/novels/everything. I always wanted to write a novel with someone since I can't get myself to go further than 20k words when writing alone before I question all my plot decisions.
My English is definitely not good enough to write more than short stories in English. I'm from Germany, and 90% of the time I write in German.
I'm female, 24 years old and haven't published anything yet.
I prefer writing fantasy/magical young adult/teen stuff with deep emotions and complex characters, but not only that. Furthermore, I visited four or more writing workshops and would like to share all the input I got. Also, I love brainstorming together about your stories, my stories or our stories. I already wrote a short screenplay script, two PC game scripts, plenty of short stories and poems, and a handful of potential One-Day-Novel-Beginnings. xD
I know chances are low to find someone writing in German who fits with my writing style/genre, but I want to try.
Currently, I'm studying and working part-time, so I have a lot of time in some phases and then very little again.
My favorite author is Rick Riordan. Most of the time, I don't read, but I watch series. My favorite series are: Doctor Who, The Owl House, Percy Jackson, Loki, Heartstopper, The Dragon Prince, Stranger Things, Ghosts (US), Secrets of Sulphur Springs, Miraculous, Undone, Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist, Once Upon a Time, The Outpost, WandaVision, Heartland, Nobody's Looking, Good Witch, 3Below, Last Kids on Earth, Supernatural, MLP (Gen4 Friendship is Magic), Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Forever, Lucifer, Daredevil.
Now you know what kind of stories I like.

DAY: MAY 9 2024

• 5-9-2024DO YOU KNOW YOUR RISKS FOR BREAST CANCER? The reminders are everywhere. When a woman turns 40, doctors say she should begin receiving yearly mammograms to detect breast cancer. You see it on posters, ads and buttons. Doctors beat the drum forcefully and often because the stakes are high. While both women and men can develop breast cancer, the disease occurs far more often in women. Breast cancer remains the second leading cause of cancer death in women, according to the American Cancer Society. About 42,250 women in the United States will die from it this year
• 5-9-2024HERE’S THE ROLE EXERCISE PLAYS, FROM PREVENTION TO TREATMENT Cancer is the second leading cause of death worldwide. In Europe, almost 3 in every 10 adults were diagnosed with a form of cancer in 2022. With the recent revelations that three members of the royal family have cancer, many people may be thinking about their own risk of developing cancer—and wondering if there’s anything they can do to prevent the disease. Cancer is a complex condition, with many factors that may increase a person’s risk. But research shows exercise may actually play an important role
• 5-9-2024HOW TO SPOT FAKE PRODUCTS AND REPORT THEM Counterfeit versions of Botox have been found in multiple states, including California, according to the California Department of Public Health. The health agency is warning consumers and medical providers to be wary of the counterfeit products, which have caused “hospitalizations and other serious reactions in people who received injections in non-medical, unlicensed settings.” “Counterfeit or incorrectly administered Botox, even in small amounts, can result in serious health problems and even death
• 5-9-2024STUDY SHOWS HOW NIGHT SHIFT WORK CAN RAISE RISK OF DIABETES, OBESITY Just a few days on a night shift schedule throws off protein rhythms related to blood glucose regulation, energy metabolism and inflammation, processes that can influence the development of chronic metabolic conditions. The finding, from a study led by scientists at Washington State University and the Pacific Northwest National Laboratory, provides new clues as to why night shift workers are more prone to diabetes, obesity and other metabolic disorders.
• 5-9-2024BABY BORN DEAF CAN HEAR AFTER BREAKTHROUGH GENE THERAPY A baby girl born deaf can hear unaided for the first time, after receiving gene therapy when she was 11 months old at Addenbrooke’s Hospital in Cambridge. Opal Sandy from Oxfordshire is the first patient treated in a global gene therapy trial, which shows “mind-blowing” results.
• 5-9-2024GROWING BODY OF RESEARCH SHOWS IMPORTANCE OF ADDRESSING LONELINESS, SOCIAL ISOLATION Too much time alone can take a toll on the mind—and for older adults, the consequences can be particularly severe. “Individuals who experience isolation have higher levels of negative cardiovascular outcomes, functional limitations, cognitive health, and a 30% increased mortality risk as indicated in certain studies,”
• 5-9-2024AMGEN PLOWS AHEAD WITH COSTLY, HIGHLY TOXIC CANCER DOSING DESPITE FDA CHALLENGE When doctors began using the drug sotorasib in 2021 with high expectations for its innovative approach to attacking lung cancer, retired medical technician Don Crosslin was an early beneficiary. Crosslin started the drug that July. His tumors shrank, then stabilized. But while the drug has helped keep him alive, its side effects have gradually narrowed the confines of his life, said Crosslin, 76, who lives in Ocala, Florida: “My appetite has been minimal. I’m very weak.
• 5-9-2024HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT HELPS TRANSFORM ‘CRAZY IDEA’ INTO A MODEL THAT CAN PREDICT NEUROTRANSMITTERS
• 5-9-2024STUDY SHOWS NOT ALL ULTRA-PROCESSED FOODS ARE BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH In recent years, there’s been increasing hype about the potential health risks associated with so-called “ultra-processed” foods. But new evidence published this week found not all “ultra-processed” foods are linked to poor health. That includes the mass-produced wholegrain bread you buy from the supermarket. While this newly published research and associated editorial are unlikely to end the wrangling about how best to define unhealthy foods and diets
• 5-9-2024KETO DIET BOOSTS LIFESAVING ANTIFUNGAL DRUG IN MICE In the United States fluconazole is commonly used to treat yeast infections and thrush, but in other parts of the world—particularly sub-Saharan Africa—it’s also the only drug available to combat life-threatening fungal infections associated with AIDS. For the roughly 150,000 AIDS patients who come down with a life-threatening infection called fungal meningitis each year, there aren’t many options
• 5-9-2024LOW-COST MRI PAIRED WITH AI PRODUCES HIGH-QUALITY RESULTS First introduced five decades ago, MRI scanners are now a cornerstone of modern medicine, vital for diagnosing strokes, tumors, spinal conditions and more, without exposing patients to radiation. A magnetic resonance imaging device built with off-the-shelf parts and paired with AI matched the performance of high-end MRI machines, according to a study published Thursday that could pave the way for greater access to the life-saving tools.
• 5-9-2024HOW ‘BUCKET LISTS’ HELP CANCER PATIENTS HANDLE LIFE AND DEATH In the 2007 film “The Bucket List,” Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman play two main characters who respond to their terminal cancer diagnoses by rejecting experimental treatment. Instead, they go on a range of energetic, overseas escapades. Since then, the term “bucket list”—a list of experiences or achievements to complete before you “kick the bucket” or die—has become common.
• 5-9-2024UNRAVELING THE LINK BETWEEN THE MICROBIOME AND ESOPHAGEAL CANCER Microbiota changes in esophageal cancer. The microbiota of the distal esophagus was influenced by acid reflux from the stomach. Acid reflux leads to inflammation and mucosal damage, resulting in the change of microbiome in the distal esophagus. This process allows the columnar epithelium to replace the original squamous epithelium of the esophagus, which can then progress to BE and EAC
• 5-9-2024WHAT MAKES A PUBLIC HEALTH CAMPAIGN SUCCESSFUL? The highest performing countries across public health outcomes share many drivers that contribute to their success. In recent years, the EGH program has begun to identify and study positive outliers when it comes to global health programs around the world
• 5-9-2024HUMAN BRAIN MAP CONTAINS NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN DETAILS OF STRUCTURE
• 5-9-2024THROMBECTOMY LINKED TO BETTER OUTCOMES FOR ACUTE STROKE, LARGE INFARCT
• 5-9-2024GI PROCEDURES CAN PRODUCE DANGEROUS LEVELS OF SMOKE
• 5-9-2024UNDER 4-MINUTE MILERS’ LONGEVITY SHOWS THAT EXTREME EXERCISE DOESN’T SEEM TO CURB LIFESPAN
• 5-9-2024STUDY FINDS RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN DEPRESSION SYMPTOMS AND PHYSICAL ACTIVITY LIKELY GOES BOTH WAYS
• 5-9-2024STUDY FINDS ASSOCIATION BETWEEN NEIGHBORHOOD DEPRIVATION AND DNA METHYLATION IN AN AUTOPSY COHORT
• 5-9-2024RECALL NOTICE AFTER MORE THAN 200 INSULIN PUMP USERS INJURED DUE TO APP MALFUNCTION
• 5-9-2024RECALL NOTICE AFTER MORE THAN 200 INSULIN PUMP USERS INJURED DUE TO APP MALFUNCTION
• 5-9-2024THE BEGINNING OF BECOMING A HUMAN—INSIGHTS FROM RESEARCHERS
• 5-9-2024HOW ANTIBODY LEVELS CAN PREDICT WHICH CHILDREN WILL OUTGROW THEIR PEANUT ALLERGY
• 5-9-2024INTEGRATING SOCIAL CARE INTO A SAFETY NET HEALTH SYSTEM
• 5-9-2024SCIENTIST PARTNERS WITH COLLEAGUES AROUND THE GLOBE TO MAKE GENE THERAPIES MORE EFFECTIVE AND WIDELY AVAILABLE
• 5-9-2024DEEP LEARNING-BASED WHOLE-BODY PSMA PET/CT ATTENUATION CORRECTION UTILIZING PIX-2-PIX GAN
• 5-9-2024RESEARCHERS INVESTIGATE THE PRINCIPLES GOVERNING THE BIOLOGY OF EARLY, PRECANCEROUS LESIONS
• 5-9-2024PROVIDING END-OF-LIFE CARE AT HOME HAS ENVIRONMENTAL BENEFITS, SAYS STUDY
• 5-9-2024PATIENTS WITH CHRONIC LUNG DISEASE WHO LIVE FARTHER FROM A HOSPITAL FOUND TO HAVE POORER SURVIVAL RATE
• 5-9-2024‘SMART’ CONTACT LENSES COULD SOMEDAY ENABLE WIRELESS GLAUCOMA DETECTION
• 5-9-2024OLDER VETERANS WITH COGNITIVE DIFFICULTIES COULD MISTAKENLY BE DIAGNOSED WITH ALZHEIMER’S WHEN PTSD IS ROOT CAUSE
• 5-9-2024RESEARCH CALLS FOR TRANSLATION OF AGED CARE ASSESSMENT TOOLS FOR CULTURALLY, LINGUISTICALLY DIVERSE COMMUNITIES
• 5-9-2024DURING PEAK OF COVID-19, SOME LACKED ACCESS TO SAFE WATER AND LAVATORIES
• 5-9-2024SOCIAL NETWORKS PROVIDE CRUCIAL SUPPORT FOR OLDER ADULTS LIVING WITH HIV, STUDY FINDS
• 5-9-2024TRAFFIC INJURIES TO LOW-INCOME NYC RESIDENTS FELL 30% IN FIRST FIVE YEARS OF ROAD SAFETY PROGRAM, STUDY FINDS
• 5-9-2024NEW TOOL STREAMLINES NURSE WORK ENVIRONMENT RESEARCH
• 5-9-2024THE IMPACT OF ESCALATING ENVIRONMENTAL AND SOCIAL CHALLENGES ON OUR BRAINS AND THE PLANET
• 5-9-2024MUSK’S NEURALINK SAYS ISSUE IN BRAIN IMPLANT FIXED
• 5-9-2024STUDY FINDS DISCRIMINATION MAY ACCELERATE AGING
• 5-9-2024BULLYING SIGNIFICANT ISSUE FOR YOUNG PEOPLE IN AFTERMATH OF EYE CANCER, STUDY SHOWS
• 5-9-2024OLDER SINGAPOREANS WHO VOLUNTEER PERCEIVE A BETTER QUALITY OF LIFE, FINDS STUDY
• 5-9-2024SYMPTOM BURDEN PREVALENT IN CHILDHOOD CANCER SURVIVORS
• 5-9-2024ADOPTION STUDY LINKS CHILD BEHAVIOR ISSUES WITH MOTHER’S TRAUMA
• 5-9-2024RESEARCHERS IDENTIFY HIGHLY DRUG-RESISTANT INFECTIONS FROM STEM CELL TREATMENTS IN MEXICO
• 5-9-2024RESEARCH FINDS GENETIC VARIATION THAT COULD LEAD TO INCREASED RISK OF VIRAL INFECTIONS
• 5-9-2024NAVY GROWLER JET NOISE OVER WASHINGTON STATE’S WHIDBEY ISLAND COULD IMPACT 74,000 PEOPLE’S HEALTH
• 5-9-2024PREDICTING AND DETECTING ABUSE IN SUPPORTED LIVING FOR PEOPLE WITH A LEARNING DISABILITY AND AUTISTIC PEOPLE
• 5-9-2024AUSTRALIAN STUDY FINDS LARGE SUPPORT FOR BLOCKING ONLINE ALCOHOL CONTENT
• 5-9-2024COLORECTAL CANCER CASES MORE THAN TRIPLED AMONG TEENS OVER TWO DECADES, DATA SHOW
• 5-9-2024ENDOSCOPIC PROCEDURE BURNS STOMACH LINING TO REDUCE ‘HUNGER HORMONE’ AND LEAD TO WEIGHT LOSS
• 5-9-2024RADIOTHERAPY WITH HORMONE THERAPY CAN HELP SOME ADVANCED PROSTATE CANCER PATIENTS AVOID CHEMOTHERAPY
• 5-9-2024REMOVING GUT BACTERIA’S POTENTIAL ‘SAFE HOUSE’ MAY LOWER RISK OF COLORECTAL CANCER SUBTYPE
• 5-9-2024NEW AI TOOL USES A SMALL SET OF INTERPRETABLE VARIABLES TO RAPIDLY ASSESS SELF-HARM RISK
• 5-9-2024A MOTHER’S LOSS LAUNCHES A GLOBAL EFFORT TO FIGHT ANTIBIOTIC RESISTANCE
• 5-9-2024HOSPITALS NO LONGER MUST REPORT COVID DATA TO CDC, SPOTLIGHTING CLUNKY SYSTEM
• 5-9-2024NEW TREATMENT COULD REVERSE HAIR LOSS CAUSED BY AUTOIMMUNE SKIN DISEASE ALOPECIA AREATA
• 5-9-2024NEW DRUG REDUCES VASCULAR LEAK AND ENDOTHELIAL CELL DYSFUNCTION IN MICE WITH SEPSIS
• 5-9-2024GPS-LIKE SYSTEM SHOWS PROMISE AS HIV VACCINE STRATEGY TO ELICIT CRITICAL ANTIBODIES
• 5-9-2024SUPERCHARGING IMMUNE CELLS TO BATTLE BLOOD CANCER: ADVANCES IN CANCER IMMUNOTHERAPY
• 5-9-2024STUDY SHOWS THAT ASTROCYTES INTEGRATE INFORMATION ABOUT PAST EVENTS IN THEIR SOMA
• 5-9-2024OLDER ADULTS WITH AGGRESSIVE BLOOD CANCER ARE RESPONSIVE TO TREATMENT AND SHOW PROLONGED SURVIVAL: STUDY
• 5-9-2024STUDY IDENTIFIES PRIMARY CAUSE OF SENSORY HYPERSENSITIVITY IN A MOUSE MODEL OF AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER
• 5-9-2024CARIBBEAN RESEARCHERS INNOVATE TO PROTECT CANCER PATIENTS FROM COMPOUNDING DISASTERS
• 5-9-2024STUDY INTRODUCES HYPERSPECTRAL DARK-FIELD MICROSCOPY FOR RAPID AND ACCURATE IDENTIFICATION OF CANCEROUS TISSUES
• 5-9-2024STUDY FINDS PATIENTS WITH LIMITED ENGLISH PROFICIENCY HAVE POORER EXPERIENCES WITH VIRTUAL HEALTH CARE
• 5-9-2024AI ADVANCEMENTS MAKE THE LEAP INTO 3D PATHOLOGY POSSIBLE
• 5-9-2024NEW CELLS COULD BE KEY TO TREATING OBESITY
• 5-9-2024SCIENTISTS PINPOINT NEW VACCINE ADJUVANT THAT PROMOTES POTENT ANTI-TUMOR IMMUNITY
• 5-9-2024RESEARCHERS ESTIMATE VACCINES HAVE SAVED 154 MILLION LIVES OVER PAST HALF-CENTURY
• 5-9-2024SCIENTISTS DISCOVER HOW DEADLY SKIN CANCER EVADES THE HUMAN IMMUNE SYSTEM
• 5-9-2024RESEARCHERS INVESTIGATE THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN PERCEIVED GLOSSINESS AND PUPILLARY RESPONSES
• 5-9-2024TELEHEALTH GROUP SESSIONS CAN BENEFIT CLINICIAN-PATIENT RELATIONSHIPS
• 5-9-2024ARIZONA’S NOW-REPEALED ABORTION BAN SERVES AS A CAUTIONARY TALE FOR REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH CARE ACROSS THE US
• 5-9-2024ASTRAZENECA’S COVID VACCINE WITHDRAWN—IT WAS A VICTIM OF MISINFORMATION RIGHT TO THE END, RESEARCHER SAYS
• 5-9-2024BRAIN STUDY IDENTIFIES A COST OF CAREGIVING FOR NEW FATHERS
• 5-9-2024SCOPE OF MATERNAL SUBSTANCE USE DISORDER CRISIS IS DRAMATICALLY UNDERESTIMATED, SAYS STUDY
• 5-9-2024STUDY HIGHLIGHTS MATERNITY CARE MODEL’S SUCCESS
• 5-9-2024RESEARCHERS DISCOVER BENEFITS OF ADDING IMMUNE-BOOSTING AGENT TO PERSONALIZED CANCER VACCINE
• 5-9-2024NEW STEM CELL RESEARCH MAY HAVE IMPLICATIONS FOR LIVER TRANSPLANTATION
• 5-9-2024SOME BRAIN TUMORS MAY BE LINKED TO HEAD INJURY, MOUSE STUDY SUGGESTS
• 5-9-2024STUDY DETAILS HOW MAJOR ADVANCES HAVE BEEN IMPLEMENTED IN INTENSIVE DIABETES MANAGEMENT
• 5-9-2024COLLABORATION UNCOVERS AN ENTIRELY NEW COVID-RELATED SYNDROME
• 5-9-2024STUDY REVEALS HOW GENDER AFFECTS LIVER TRANSPLANT SUCCESS IN CANCER PATIENTS
• 5-9-2024HOW ULTRASOUND AND MICROBUBBLES COULD DELIVER IMMUNOTHERAPY TO THE BRAIN
• 5-9-2024BARIATRIC SURGERY TIED TO HIGHER SHORT-TERM RISK FOR VENOUS THROMBOEMBOLISM
• 5-9-2024SIMPLE ‘SWISH-AND-SPIT’ ORAL RINSE COULD PROVIDE EARLY SCREENING FOR GASTRIC CANCER

I just discovered the ULTIMATE LIST OF ALL FILM GENRES KNOWN TO WIKIPEDIA – and I'm flabbergasted: There's just too many of them.
The link details them all, but here are the unformatted raw names, all 291 of them:
ActionArthouse Heroic bloodshed Hong Kong action AdventureSurvival Art Biographical Christian ComedyAction Black Commedia all'italianaSexy Bromantic Dramedy Gross out Horror Parody Mo lei tau Thriller Remarriage Romantic Sex Screwball Silent Slapstick CyberpunkJapanese DocumentaryAnimated City symphony Docudrama Mockumentary Mondo Pseudo Semi Travel DramaCalligrafismo Dramedy Historical Legal MelodramaKorean EroticCommedia sexy all'italiana Pink Sexploitation Thriller Educational Social guidance EpicSword-and-sandal Experimental Exploitationsee Exploitation film template FantasyComedy Contemporary Fantastique High Historical Magic realism Science Film noirNeo-noir Pulp noir Tech noir GothicRomance Southern Space Suburban Urban HorrorArthouse Body Cannibal Chinese horror Christmas horror Comedy Eco Fantastique Found footage German underground Ghost Giallo Holiday Japanese horror Korean horror Lovecraftian Natural New French Extremity Psycho-biddy Psychological Religious Science fiction Slasher Splatter Satanic Maximalist film Minimalist film Mumblecore MusicalArthouse Backstage Jukebox Musicarello Operetta Sceneggiata MysteryDetectiveOccult detective Whodunit Giallo Pop culture fictionCrossover PornographicHardcore pornography Softcore pornography (Malayalam) Propaganda Reality RomanticComedyBromantic Fantasy Gothic Paranormal Thriller Science fictionArt Comedy Fantastique Fantasy Gothic Horror Military New Wave Planetary romance Space opera Steampunk Tokusatsu Western Slice of life Slow cinema ThrillerComedy Erotic Financial Giallo Legal New French Extremity Political Psychological Romantic Techno TransgressiveCinema of Transgression Extreme cinema New French Extremity TrickBy themeAnimals Beach party Body swap BuddyBuddy cop Female Cannibal Chicano Colonial Coming-of-age Concert CrimeDetective Gangster Gentleman thief Gokudō Gong'an Heist Heroic bloodshed Hood Mafia Mafia comedy Mumbai underworld Poliziotteschi Yakuza Dance DisasterApocalyptic DrugPsychedelic Stoner Dystopian Ecchi Economic Ethnographic ExploitationBlaxploitation Mexploitation Turksploitation Extraterrestrial Food and drink Gendai-geki Ghost Goona-goona epic GothicRomance Space Suburban Girls with guns Harem HentaiLolicon Shotacon Tentacle erotica Homeland Isekai JidaigekiSamurai Kaitō LGBTYaoi Yuri Luchador Magical girl Martial artsBruceploitation Chopsocky Gun fu Kung fu Ninja Wuxia MechaAnime MonsterGiant monster Kaiju Mummy Vampire ZombieZombie comedy Mountain Mouth of Garbage Muslim social NatureEnvironmental issues Opera Outlaw biker Ozploitation Partisan film PrisonWomen Race Rape and revenge Road Rubble Rumberas SexploitationBavarian porn Commedia sexy all'italiana Mexican sex comedy Nazi exploitation Pornochanchada Nunsploitation Sex report Shoshimin-eiga Slavery Slice of life Snuff South Seas Sports SpyEurospy Superhero Surfing Swashbuckler Sword-and-sandal Sword and sorcery Travel Trial Vigilante WarAnti-war Euro War Submarine WesternAcid Contemporary Western Dacoit Western Fantasy Florida Horror Meat pie Northern Ostern Revisionist Science fiction Singing cowboy Space Spaghetti Weird Western Zapata WesternBy movementor periodAbsolute American eccentric cinema New Objectivity Australian New Wave Auteur films Berlin School Bourekas Brighton School British New WaveKitchen sink realism Budapest school Calligrafismo Cannibal boom Cinéma du look Cinema Novo Cinema of Transgression Cinéma pur Commedia all'italiana Czechoslovak New Wave Documentary Film Movement Dogme 95 Erra Cinema European art cinema Film d'art Film gris Free Cinema French New Wave German Expressionist German underground horror Nigerian Golden Age Grupo Cine Liberación Heimatfilm Hollywood on the Tiber Hong Kong New Wave Indiewood Iranian New Wave Italian futurist Italian neorealist Japanese New Wave Kammerspielfilm L.A. Rebellion Lettrist Modernist film Mumblecore Neorealist New French Extremity New German New generation New Hollywood New Nollywood New Queer No wave Nuevo Cine Mexicano Pan-Indian film Parallel cinema Persian Film Poetic realist Polish Film School Poliziotteschi Praška filmska škola Prussian film Pure Film Movement Remodernist Romanian New Wave Slow cinema Spaghetti Western Socialist realist Social realistKitchen sink realism Soviet parallel Structural Surrealist Sword-and-sandal Telefoni Bianchi Third Cinema Toronto New Wave Vulgar auteurism Yugoslav Black WaveBy demographicAdult Black Children and familyAnime MenSeinen Stag TeenShōnen Shōjo WomenChick flick JoseiBy format,technique,approach,or production3D Actuality AnimationAnime Art Cartoon Computer Stop-motion Traditional Anthology Art B movie Behind-the-scenes Black-and-white Blockbuster Cinéma vérité Classical Hollywood cinema Collage Color Compilation Composite Computer screen Cultmidnight movie Database cinema Docufiction Ethnofiction ExperimentalAbstract Feature Featurette Film à clef Film-poem Found footage Grindhouse Hyperlink cinema IndependentGuerrilla filmmaking List of American independent films Interstitial art Live actionanimation Low-budget Major film studios Masala Maximalist film Message picture Meta-film Minimalist film Mockbuster Modernist film Musical short Mythopoeia Neorealist No-budget One-shot Paracinema Participatory Poetry Postmodernist Reverse motion Satire Sceneggiata Semidocumentary Serial Shinpa Short Silent Slow cinema Socialist realist Sound Underground Video nasty Vulgar auteurism Z movie
So where do you stand? Which is your favorite?

Written march 25th,2024
Almost four months since i turned seventeen, This can't be the teenage dream, They say what am i supposed to know at seventeen, Yet the expect me to be so keen, Instead of studying, i find myself writings a poem at two in the morning, Because really what is there to this life i could bring.
I am only seventeen, Yet i can't recall when the grass was ever green. How could the songs lie to me. I had the delusion that at this age, i would be queen But now, i only fantasize of being free. Fading behind the scene,
I should have the time of my life at seventeen, The age of wildness, The age of love, But for me it's the age of gasping for hope and languish in my darkness. Drawing in an ocean of despair. Telling myself how unfair. That they all got their head above.
I am seventeen, Stuck in front of my screen, Wondering when i'll get so lean, They say i have the world to see but i feel blind, They say, these are the golden years, But i am lost in the chaos of my mind, Fearing their disappointment to the tears When they won't let me hide behind, The excuses that on my pain my brain gears, I don't really know if i'm doing my best, But it's all i can do with this pain on my chest,
I'm only seventeen, And i feel like i'm the worst, For who could ever love someone who to herself is so mean, I wonder when i will burs, And listen to those thoughts that i can never let be seen, They tell me to talk but even myself i can not trust, This can't be the life of every teen, They are not falling so deep, They must have found at least a mere sheen, But i just wonder when my eyes learned to only yearn and weep, And to hide themselves behind the shimmer of seventeen, Then let me cry myself to sleep.
https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/s/IFpTAQ9UmS
https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/s/TgRXN7XS2w

17 going on 18 years of being a human with type one… lately(in my mid 20s but since my early teens) I’ve been hurdling over bolusing and counting carbs…. You would think I would be used to this but it seems so easy to just ignore and pivot and survive. It’s hard for me to imagine myself with a A1C below 8.8… my doctor sternly says I need to get under control before any more of my organs are damaged— but now I’m just anxious and like what’s the point? So i conclude to say is there any tips that other diabetics use to motoivate bolusing or carb counting?
thanks and i hope someone sees this<3