I applied to work as a staff tech in a lab doing work that is my area of interest. This had been a PI on my list of possible PIs to apply to work with when I eventually pursue a PhD. This was a 30+ person lab where the technicians are mentored more by post-docs than by the PI.
I underwent two interviews. One was a quick screening interview with three people from the lab, and then the other was a half day of interviews with a dozen different people in the lab. I never met with or communicated with the PI. The PI however did set up calls with my references, and I'm told by one reference this PI seemed very interested in me. This reference also told me this PI is a very nice individual that they've had prior experience with and would be a good person to work for. This reference acted like I had nothing to worry about. After two weeks had passed, I reached out to the main postdoc I'd interviewed with asking for any updates. They let me know they were moving on to other people.
I'm tempted to send an email to the PI and just write something along the lines of that I would appreciate if they would keep my resume in mind if another position becomes available or if another post-doc/project in the lab is in need of a tech with my skillset. Maybe with a line that I know this lab would be an excellent learning/growth opportunity for me in my area of interest. This is especially with the chance that the postdoc may have made this decision on their own, while the PI might still be interested in me. I know there's also a chance that another person they spoke with, the PI that I am leaving, may have bad-mouthed me in their call. I strictly did not list this person as a reference, but the hiring PI was more interested in hearing from my current PI than from anyone else. My rejection may be more to do with this current PI than just that there were a lot of great candidates. They acknowledge I've done great work and I get along with coworkers just fine, but that PI is definitely frustrated with me for not being happy in/wanting out of the dead-end position. I'd communicated for several months about burnout/working conditions for the position/lack of opportunities with this position and they wouldn't listen...With this possibility of having been bad-mouthed, I'm more tempted to just take the loss and move on without reaching out, embarrassed by whatever this bitter PI could have said to a PI that I was actually excited about. The current PI says they only said positive things to the PI of interest, but they did tell me prior to their call that they would speak both positively and negatively if asked.
This PI of interest is also incredibly busy running such a large lab and may not even get around to reading or responding to an email like this from me. I'm just looking around at other positions and am not seeing any that are as much of a match as this was for me..

I turned 26 yesterday and spent my birthday alone in my apartment. I cried on the couch as my cat tried to eat crumbs from my turkey sandwich. This loneliness made me realize my lack of community and genuine connections. Growing up, I constantly moved, preventing me from maintaining long-term friendships. I attended elementary school in one state, middle school in another, and high school across the country. After high school, we moved back to the U.S., settling in a new state where I've lived ever since. I have no family nearby; my parents are four hours away, and my extended family lives overseas. Despite being here for years, forming a strong social circle has been tough. I did my prereqs at community college and then joined a dental hygienist program with only 24 students, who were mostly older and married. Being the youngest, I missed out on bonding opportunities and the "quintessential college experience," which I still regret. I find myself lamenting the loss of that chaotic time of life where you're supposed to have fun and do shit you regret. Post-grad, connections faded as everyone moved on. I work in a small practice now, limiting any real social opportunities. Seeing others with more grounded upbringings or traditional college experiences makes me envious, like my coworker in her 50s, who is still close with her sorority sisters and even goes on annual trips.
My only close friend from my program moved away post-grad. I maintain contact with a few long-distance friends, but I really only have two solid local friends. But they're married with kids, while I'm single and childless, so just very different life stages. We still have infrequent meetups, like lunch or a catch up at their house, around 1-2x times a month. I've tried planning varied hangouts, but they're usually busy with family commitments or just not interested in a different vibe, so I let that go. I don’t have friends for spontaneous plans like drinks after work, wine-and-paint nights, or to ask to attend a concert with. There’s no one I can just call to hang out or invite over during the weekends.
I've been single for a year, and even during my previous two-year relationship, I longed for my own friends and a sense of community outside the relationship. My ex's friends were welcoming, but they never truly felt like mine, and those friendships vanished post-breakup. I never heard from them again, which I expected, but it was still hard. Despite thinking those friendships were genuine, I always knew they'd end if we broke up. My ex didn't get why I wanted my own connections, saying his friends should be enough for me. Even while with him, I tried meeting new people. I connected with some at my boxing studio; we had a group chat, mainly for session times. Those connections faded when I left. I had a hopeful start with a neighbor from the dog park. She asked for my number and we texted about meeting for brunch. She canceled the first time, then didn’t show up for the reschedule. I waited at the restaurant for 15 minutes before leaving. Hours later, she apologized, explaining her boyfriend came home early and she wanted to spend extra time with him. I had ditched plans with my then-boyfriend and his friends, excited to meet her, and felt like a dumbass afterward.
Navigating my twenties alone just feels isolating, like I’m missing out on an exclusive party while watching from the sidelines. My life revolves around work, my pets, and the gym, but otherwise, my social life is non-existent. My phone is as dry as the Sahara—I don’t get any regular texts or calls. Everything is routine and mundane. I deleted IG to stop the comparisons. I occasionally use Snapchat to keep in touch with some old friends. Tried Hinge last month, thinking dating may fill the void, but quickly realized that's not what I’m looking for. I want fulfillment through platonic connections, not romantic pursuits. I just feel like a passerby in my own life, craving spontaneity and excitement, but everything feels routine and mundane. Admitting this is a bit embarrassing, but I just hope I’m not alone in feeling this way. Any personal anecdotes or advice on making new friends and finding a sense of community later in life?

Rant about "women's work" in the office.
One of my coworkers is leaving in less than a month. We're civil and work closely, but we're not friends. My line manager has worked with him for longer - and I don't particularly like this coworker - but as the only woman on the team I've got to organize his leaving card etc. A lot of this admin falls to me, usually unspoken. Sometimes for some bullshit reason like I have better handwriting or "I'm so good with that stuff" but I hate it. I could refuse, but then nothing would happen and I don't want this coworker to finish without a customary leaving card - he's not my favourite person but he deserves that at least.

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• Get Test Ready
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2. Newton's Laws and Gravitation: Learn to solidly understand Newton's rules of motion and the idea of things falling.
3. Work, Energy, and Power: Knowledge about the link between work, energy, and power and their applicability in real-life problem-solving processes.
4. Electricity and Magnetism: Explore the fascinating world of static electricity, electric circuits, magnets, and how they interact.
5. Waves and Optics: Dive into the study of wave motion, sound waves, light waves, and the rules of geometric and physical optics.
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Your problem-solving methods can be applied to engineering, computer science, and research.
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Additionally, online physics help offers great convenience. Students can get assistance whenever they need it from any location with an internet connection. No more waiting for office hours or schedule conflicts - help is just a click away, 24/7.
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Hi all,
We're getting a kitchen fitted in 2 weeks. Last week we had a phone call from the company we bought the kitchen from saying that the fitter they recommended us to has been unreliable as of late (not turning up for jobs, leaving them half done, running over etc). They are now recommending we don't use him but essentially leaving the choice to us as he is freelance and they can't dictate to him. We gave this fitter a deposit for nearly £1500 in March (materials + 10% labour).
We have attempted to contact the fitter but he hasn't answered phone calls, emails or letters sent to his home address.
We have now found an alternative fitter, but from a legal perspective is there any way that we can get that money back?
My head is saying if we say to him that we don't want him to do the work any more, then we will be in breach of contract and will surrender the deposit which is sickening.
There is no written contract, just the quote which we accepted, so not really sure where I stand.
England and Wales and it's a private limited company - if that makes any difference.

I am pretty sure. I've been invited to a meeting with my manager and one of the women in HR is attending as a "note-taker" i.e. witness. The letter inviting me to the meeting was very formal and says they want to have "an open conversation about the structure of the department" and that I can bring a work colleague with me if I want. So reading between the lines I think it has to be redundancy.
It's not a group of redundancies, it's just me (afaik) and I am not surprised. There's been what I think is a mutual feeling there for a while that they don't want me there and I don't want to be there. My performance has been poor although I have never had a warning or anything based on it so I don't think they can sack me on performance. Their management has also been poor, effectively ignoring me with zero communication, no annual review, no targets, KPIs or deadlines.
My goal now is to handle this process with as much dignity as I can and hopefully leave on good terms. I did not fit in at this company but I don't think they're bad people.
I've been here for 21.5 months and statutory redundancy only kicks in at 24 months but I am hoping they will offer me a month's salary anyway.
Even though I know what's coming I hope I can handle it, I'm very nervous and have a tendency to go all red and blotchy in these situations or worse cry. I've worn more makeup than usual to try and temper the redness and I just hope I can keep my cool in this meeting.
Wish me luck...

I decided to try to write you a letter.
A final letter.
I’m really beginning to believe that you have been playing me for a sucker. Either on purpose or not, either way. I have to go. You have put me through so much. More than I know you remember….so while my actions seem weird or extreme to you, that’s what trauma and years of abuse does….that’s what lying does….that’s what giving someone a safe space only for that to be turned around on them when they are vulnerable. Yeah, I know those things happened to you and it wasn’t right then either but I had no control over that.
So why me? All I ever did was try to help, try to love you and ask for very little in return, if anything. I consistently see you being so nice and polite to strangers and treat me like I fucked up your life or something. When you know damn well that isn’t true. You sold me a false hope and have strung me along on that same hope that that guy would return but I have finally faced the music and accepted that you don’t love me. I don’t know if you ever did. But what you did love was the way I loved you. There’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t do for you…..
I have always been the same with you but had to prove my loyalty time and time and time again. I wouldn’t put my worst enemy through what you put me through. But you know what the kicker was, finally realizing that you actually think I’m stupid because I allow your stupid antics. You think I can’t hear you texting late at night with the cover over your head. Or I don’t see the look on your face when your phone goes off and you want to grab it but I’m right beside you so you escape to the bathroom to quickly return the text. You think I can’t feel your arm move? Or hear the sound of your phone dropping on the metal table? Seriously? That I don’t hear the click from your nails on the screen while you lay there and insult my intelligence by fake snoring…..yeah yeah I know. I’m crazy. You aren’t doing nothing right? You don’t have time for all that? Bad thing is, I honestly don’t know what the fuck you are doing and I’m tired trying to figure it out. I’m tired of feeling alerted when I’m around you because I feel like I’m waiting for the final blow. You slowly chipped away that the 100% trust I had in you in the beginning. You have yourself to blame for that.
You told me every time I get upset like this, I am dead ass right there is something going on. So why can’t you be a man and stop this stupid shit? These are boys games. Men don’t conduct themselves this way. What do you get out of acting like I can’t see you texting? Or jumping to switch the screen every time I move? Or acting like I can’t see your fingers texting while you act like you doing something else. You are so dumb and make it so fucking obvious so that I wouldn’t think you would be stupid enough to do that but you are. Fuck everyone who thinks about playing with you but you always play with others, including me…….I’m so stupid to believe that you lie to everyone on the planet except for me? Wow? Really? The one time I asked you why me? What about me made you want to be with me. I bet you don’t even remember your response……that you fuck with the people you fuck with for whatever reason…….wow. Don’t make me feel too fucking special. I might smile or something.
Fuck.
So ya know, I’m done. I love you so much but I am miserable. I have been lying to myself that it will be okay and my knight in shining armor will return and we will be happy together but sadly, no. It won’t. It isn’t. I put on a smile and act like everything is great and cry myself to sleep almost every night. You shattered my fractured heart. Something you promised you would never do…..but you did. Over and over and over. Now I have to go because I choose to be happy even if I am alone…..
what you did to me has changed me forever and I can never go back to the way I was before. I didn’t ask for any of that. I didn’t ask to be taught lessons. All I wanted was you, how you portrayed yourself to me. Someone to keep me safe from the awful things out there, not knowing the worst threat was beside me……so I am choosing to leave before I hate you. Before the silent resentment starts because I do love you…..but I can’t do this anymore. 5 years of my life and I go to sleep looking at your back as you turn away from me and text under the blanket on your phone. I lay there and fight tears because I feel so rejected by you…..you want me around when I’m useful to you. But when was the last time you were useful to me? When was the last time you did something you didn’t want to do, selflessly, for me? You don’t treat me like you see my value…..sometimes, I believed you just didn’t know any better but you just let me make excuses for you…..and I have nothing left to give you and anything I ask for from you feels forced, you almost can’t even look me in the face. When was the last time you looked in my eyes and told me you loved me? When was the last time you held me or just wanted to be close to me? Yeah I don’t know either…..and this is why it’s easier to keep my mouth shut because i don’t like saying hurtful things but fuck it. You certainly have no problem hurting my feelings, spouting off the most asinine, dishonest things, putting me in a chokehold and causing me to get a knot on my head never asking if I was okay or even apologizing……Serves you right you hurt your knee. That’s what happens to bad people, karma will eventually get you and if she doesn’t, God will.
but 🤨violators get violated right? So what happens to you when your violators come to violate you?
I hope you find what you are looking for in life and always remember me.

General
I am looking for a lady between 28 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I tried to be as concise as possible while still providing what details I think are crucial to know; I realise this post turned out very long, but I prefer those because I can get as good an idea as possible with detailed descriptions, bar actually talking to the person, and find that very valuable, so if that also applies to you, that would be awesome.
Basics
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner (ranging from 5k to full marathon), training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with a fearful avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or in the stadium watching football and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I am looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus (and there have to be at least a couple things we have in common), emotional and sexual compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals (some of which in quite a litteral sense as they make for really amazing pillows) and ideally, you do too.
There is a saying that in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly, like I said, need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well – this just to put the picture I'm (somewhat haphazardly) trying to paint into perspective.
Second, sexual compatibility. I have a high libido and I have kinks, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy them together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, sexual fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. Someone on here has coined the term 'filthy best friends and partners' which I have no shame to be stealing because it's such an apt description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. I love the relationship model outlined in Stan Tatkin’s ‘Wired for Love’ and you should, too. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. I know codependency is the latest thing everyone’s afraid of, but experiencing someone you’ve grown very attached to just bailing because they’re counterdependent and can’t stand working on themselves while simultaneously letting you in is something I’d rather not go through again. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere. If you think’s it’s okay to lovebomb someone and then leave after a couple of months with the minimum amount of information and no proper conversation because you’re not ready to own up to what’s happening to you emotionally, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, be opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: many childfree people seem to be adventurous, but that is a trait I don't associate with myself at all. I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, seeing them change around us, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side (albeit not regarding height), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
The natural progression for me would be to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but having my heart broken because I already developed feelings due to a longer timeframe and then everything unexpectedly turning to shit is not something I want to have to live through again. I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself, I unfortunately had to learn that
Caveats/Possible red flags

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

I have a coworker who recently started working in my department who has really bad body odor. Some days the smell is so strong that I'd started putting essential oils on my mustache in order to try to cover it up. Lately, however, my face has been hurting where I put the oils on, so I've been wearing a face mask at all times and putting the oils on there. I've been blaming my allergies and saying that I'm just trying to keep from breathing in as much pollen as I can, because I don't want him to feel bad. One of the other people, who was hired at the same time, asked me if I noticed it too, but I declined to answer.
We get along really well and have some common interests, he's a really great guy and I enjoy working with him. I, in no way, want to make him feel self conscious about his body odor, but some days it is so strong that it makes it hard for me to focus on my work. The last thing I want is for him to leave the job because he feels unwelcomed or bullied.
Does anyone have advice on how I can go about dealing with this situation? I assume that talking with management about his hygiene will inevitably lead to a very awkward conversation that would make him feel horrible.

TLDR; friend believes I’m being financially abused and should reach out for help. I’m unsure if that’s actually the case. Not really sure how to tell.
Context - I had been living with my ex for almost two years, above the pub/restaurant he was the manager of. Due to living there, the only thing we HAD to pay was council tax. Any other bills were what we wanted (car finance, phone bill, Netflix etc). I took this opportunity to go back to college for a year, and work two days a week. Working two days a week was enough to cover my bills, and my ex said he would pay the council tax, which was reduced by 25% due to me being a student. This is a long story.
The situation - £5,000 went missing from the pub. Apparently the bag split when it was picked up and taken to the bank (a company comes to do this). While the money was being recovered, my ex had to cover £5,000 until it was all accounted for, as apparently it was in his contract. He came to me asking to borrow £3,000 as he didn’t have enough to cover it all. I reluctant lent it to him, and got it in writing that regardless of the outcome, he would give me the £3,000 back. The money was never recovered.
At this time we were about to go abroad on holiday. The £2,000 he had to give to the pub was meant to pay for the rest of the holiday (deposit paid). He convinced me that they would get the money back and if I paid for the holiday, he would then cover what he owed for the holiday. Stupidly I agreed and paid the £2,000. AFTER I had paid and came back from holiday, he then explained to me he had absolutely no money now until payday (few weeks away). He couldn’t even buy food for his child when she stayed with us, which is something I then also covered. This was August time.
In November, we were due to take his daughter to Disney, he told me a week before we were going that we were driving. Up until this point, I was told we were flying and flights were booked. I told him we cannot drive to Disney as he has over £1,000 worth of working needing doing to his car, low break fluid, an engine malfunction, worn tyres and it was just too dangerous to even drive his child there. His daughter knew about Disney and it had already been rearranged several times. So I told him I can lend him money to take her and hire a car to drive. He agreed. During the same conversation I told him to get his banking up so we can work out where all his money is going, considering he earned over £2000 a month, had barely any outgoings, yet was always poor. He was very reluctant but finally did. Turns out he was spending a lot of money on only fans. Obviously I was devastated and didn’t lend him money for Disney.
Two days later, I received a letter stating council tax hadn’t been paid for the entire year. I then found out he has a CCJ (county court judgement) and due to this, the council sent bailiffs after me as my name was also on the council tax, and they didn’t see any point in going after him as he already had debt. This was another £1,500 (to cover the council tax and bailiff company fees).
Please don’t ask why I didn’t leave at this point, I’m kicking myself for not doing so.
In January, he had another disciplinary (first being the missing money) and lost his job. I won’t even attempt to explain what happened, I still have no idea. Regardless, we had less four weeks for him to find a new job and find us somewhere to live. He did apply for jobs, and started one about 5 weeks later. As for somewhere to live however, I ended up having to do it while working and studying for my exam, while he spent most of the time gaming until 4am, leaving me to sort out everything. It was all very last minute but I managed to find us a house, big enough for us, his child and for him to have a man cave/office. Due to the CCJ, he wasn’t accepted unless his parents were guarantors.
I told him I want no bills in my name (apart from the rent), so if he misses payments, then i want it to be his issue. Come to getting WiFi - he couldn’t because of the CCJ. He came up to me, with the WiFi person on the phone, telling me to give my consent to have it in my name. I asked him if we could have a chat about it first. He told me that the guy is on the phone ready, right now, to get it all set up, and that if I didn’t do this, then I wouldn’t have internet to study for my exam. Due to me being autistic, I heard that, panicked and agreed. Stupid, I know.
He decided to start doing Amazon flex (deliveries for Amazon), and he told me that what he made off that, he would give to me (I haven’t seen a penny). He called me one day saying he can’t get onto his monzo app to send himself money, so I had to send him money for petrol for him to do deliveries. For the first time, I said no. He told me that if I didn’t, then he couldn’t work and get paid to give me money. I still said no and told him to ask his mum. He then didn’t work.
He admitted to me in message that he was reluctant to pay me back in case I ended the relationship. I then decided to end the relationship anyway and am having to live with him until the lease is up in August. We came to an agreement that instead of me paying my half of the rent/bills, he would cover it and I would take that amount off of what he owes me.
Rent is meant to come out of his account each month, but I’ve been receiving emails and texts stating the rent hasn’t been paid. He keeps telling me it’s an issue due to the reference number and that it’s sorted. I had another email yesterday saying we’re 14 days over due on rent. I called the estate agents and they said it still hasn’t been paid. Ex is telling me it has been paid, I’ve asked him to show me on his banking app that the transaction has gone out. He is flat out refusing saying what he does with his money is not my business. I’ve tried explaining that he owes me a few thousand pound and that the rent payment is my business.
I’ve had a friend tell me that this is financial abuse and that I need to seek help before things escalate. The only time things got physical was when I had his phone trying to budget and came across the only fans payment. He tried to grab his phone off me, but I moved as I tried to see how far back the payments go, and I ended up being pushed to the floor (he’s 6foot 6inches and I’m 5foot 4inches for context). He’s very good at gaslighting and manipulating me. Am I being dumb or is this financial abuse?
Sorry for this being all over the place.

Chapter 1: the event
It was the fall of my intern year as I bean my off service trauma rotation. This month was ubiquitously notorious for being the most labor intrusive and least productive rotaion of our emergency medicine program. Knowing this I entered with the intention of simply surviving the month.
Another intern and I let’s call them A for sake of ambiguity, we’re the first emergency medicine residents to roste on the trauma services that year. A shaky start would be an understatement. In the words of chance the raper “like my grama with the Parkinson’s playing operation.” Would better describe it. Medically we did well. We were very competent and completed our work daily, but communication and coordination was non existent. Our Cheifs had informed us that Tuesday was our day of and the Trauma cheif residents had minimum communication with us, or our Cheifs as it seams when A and I did not report on Tuesday they sternly made their dissatisfaction known.
I have struggled with insomnia sense the age of 10. Had 2 sleep studies by this point in my life and been prescribed nearly every sleeping aid on the market. The 80-94 hr work weeks of our trauma rotaion only worsened my insomnia. My lack of sleep likely contributed to a less than prime adaptive immune system and 2 days out of my trauma rotaion I contracted strep like symptoms with associated nausea, requiring me to call for a sick day the next day. No the first day that I felt too ill to work. I was not fully aware of the reporting process. I reported to my Chiefs, but I did not believe I could come to work tomorrow with amble time and notice, however I was somewhat delayed in letting their Cheifs know, because the surgical chiefs rotated every few days and I did not know who my was going to be the next day. The second day which I had to call out sick I was able to locate the cheif for the next day and reprot according to our university’s protocol, which requires that if a resident feels they are not fit for work they must not come in and the university must have staff coverage without any fear or implementation of punitive actions.
I had finally survived to the last week of my trauma rotaion and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. What I could not see was the pile of stress, shitty diet, lack of mental well ness and sleep deprivation which I was pushing down to reach the light. By this time I had seen a psychiatrist regularly for sleep medication. I had mentioned to him that I had been experiencing more stressed lately and feel that I might be depressed. he reassured me that it was likely only due to my circumstances, given the difficulty of the trauma rotation and wish to reassess once the rotation was over. Looking back I had to fill the habit of drinking more than I usually do. My only on nights before I have days off became 1-2 beers every other night. All of this repressed unhealthy shit finally pushed bad on September 23rd. That night I was at work even later than usual, I stayed up later than usual and couldn’t seem to fall asleep. With the stress of only having minimal sleep and knowing I only had 2 more days of trauma left, I took an extra dose of my sleeping medication.
I opened my eyes to the fighting sight of sun beaming in my window and I instantly knew I was late. (Sense I hadn’t seen the sun in a month) . Due to my need for scrupulous sleep hygiene I have been sleeping with my phone of and away for me. I rushed to grab it and watched as the little Apple logo seamed to glow on the screen for an eternity. Then in conjunction with its fading I saw 3 missed calls from my director, a text from college A and 2 missed calls from the surgical director. Still, I was able to calm myself, knowing that resident A had been late to this rotation by a few hours 2 other days and nothing came of it. I called my director back and he asked me to report to his office where I was greeted by my director, my coordinator and another emergency medicine facility.
With the only explanation of: “we just want you to get better”, I was handed a letter, to my relief it did not entail my termination, but a declaration of administrative leave and a requirement to undergo an evaluation at a well known university in Florida.
Lake any other savvy millennial, I did my research. By research I mean numerous google searches and screeches thru the depts of redit. To my dismay I discovered that in order for a residency program to fire you, they must first initiate an administrative suspension. I would soon find out however, being terminated would have been a delightful outcome compared to what ensued.
I spend the next few weeks in the wallos of regret and depression. I indulged in higher qualities of alchohol then I ever have before. I all but ceased communing with peers, and abruptly stoped any physical activity I had once enjoyed. Frightened as I was I was ensured, it will be ok “we just want you to get better”
Chapter 2 The evaluation : guilty until proven innocent I did exactly as instructed and scheduled an evaluation, I supposed that this was either a mental evaluation to assess if I’m fit for work with plans of termination or it actually was an evaluation to better treat my insomnia. To this day I regret my ignorance, and wish I had researched the process more. The Hindi / sand-skrt idea of Hamsa 🪬 is that in order to do any good you must have full knowledge or else good intentions can result in harm. I truely believe my director had good intentions, however but him and I did not have full knowledge of the nature of this evaluation.
Looking back see how easily I could have avoided my troubles by asserting legal aid at this point or even by researching this evaluation process more in depth. If one searches impaired practitioner program which I now know this evaluator works for, the search entire will populate 5 or 6 layferms along side their home website and there is a valid reason for this.
If one every finds themself in this process I employ you to bring a DSM to your evaluation or at least be familiar with the most common use disorders in the DSM-5, because your evaluation will turn into a dance of questions where the evaluator attempts to trap you in a round about way to stating something that may qualify for one of the diagnosis. I have provided an image from the DSM-5 below outlining AUD, which the evaluator concluded that I had the most severe from:
Image
Example***** Here are 10 examples of how he fraudulently assessed me taken directly from his assessment note.

1. Evaluator: Have you ever stoped drinking in the last year.

Me: yes I stoped every week day, I was only drinking on the weekends, until two weeks ago.
-Evaluator uses stoping and starting every week to qualify for 2 or more unsuccessful attempts to stop in the last year “There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control alcohol use.”

1. Evaluator Have you ever had withdrawal symptoms

Me no
Evaluator Well Have you ever had a hangover? You know that’s a from of acute withdrawal
Me: yes in college, I had a few but that was years ago and I’m pretty sure the pathophysiology is different.
Evaluator uses this to count for withdrawal symptoms even tho is was more than a year ago

1. Evaluator: Have you even taken your sleeping medication on a day or night which you drank? Me: Yes, I took my prescriptions are prescribed but I never drank close to bed

Evaluator: qualified this as dangerous behavior with alcohol (where the DSM gives examples such as unprotected sex and drunk driving). The sleeping medication I was on is not a benzodiazepine therefore it is not deadly with alcohol. I personally have seen many patients in the ED who have taken their entire bottle of the medication and drank copious amounts, we just monitor them over night and rehydrate them

1. Evaluator Has anyone told you you drink to much or been worried about you Me: No I drink much less than my friends

Evaluator what about your girlfriend? Me: well she actually doesn’t drink at all she doesn’t like it. She often buys me beer for The Weeknd’s tho. One time we went to a movie and she got a little irritated because I waited for beer then complained about them not having any craft beer. So she said, “you couldn’t have just said no” and drank something else. However, she apologized after and said it’s worth waiting if it’s my only day off.
Evaluator said this qualifies for continued drinking despite causing significant relation consequences, ie divorce.

1. Evaluator : you have sleep issues I hear, and your chart says you’ve had depression in the past, don’t you know that alcohol can effect your sleep and mood Me: yes that’s why I never drink within 3 hours of sleep.

Evaluator but you knew this and still drank
Evaluator: qualifies for drinking despite unwanted physical or psychological effects (this should be recurring to effects the alcohol is causing, I have had insomnia sense the age of 10 long before I took my first sip)
7 evaluator you were late for work and told my you had a drink the day before
Me: Yes but I was late because I didn’t sleep and took double my sleeping meds, I will never do that again
Qualifies for 2 significant work or school issues in the past year ( a therapist and other psychologist ensured me that being late on or a few days doesn’t count they typically are getting fired or failing) ( moreover, this would assume I was late do to drinking it’s self and also assume if happened more than once)

1. • Alcohol is often taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended

He never once asked anything related to this question yet said I qualified in his final report 9. A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain alcohol, use alcohol, or recover from its effects. The evaluators logic here was sense I was late for work and I had 2 beers the day before I must be taking long to recover from it (this is assuming I missed due to alcohol)

1. Tolerance drinking more to require the same effect: this he checked as true in his final note however it was never even discussed in our evaluation. I did mention to him that I’ve been drinking more than I had earlier in the year frequency wise, but they said nothing to do with quantity or needing more.
   
2. Wanting to drink so bad you can not think of anything else: this is the only qualification of SAUD my evaluator said I did not have.
   

Moreover, without legal help I was not aware that I could obtain a second evaluation or even oppose going to get evaluated at all, but that wouldn’t have mattered seeing I still thought this was for my health and wellbeing as seen when I was asked why do you think you are here to today, to which I replayed “so that I can be evaluated to see what is needed to get back to work”.
To maks the ordeal more infuriating the evaluator continues to ingratiate himself and lie through the process telling you, “it will be fine as long as you are 100% honest”, “anything you say in here is between you and me” or “you slipped up once with your meds, I know your residnecy program they will probably just want a few more out patient tests”
Two weeks later I received a phone call right before I left for an out of state vacation to visit my nice for her birthday. During the call I was informed that I would be required to complete a partial hospitalization program (PHP) lasting “6-10 weeks” which would coast from 15-50 grand not including doctor visits or housing which is billed separately. I suppressed this inconvenience, enjoyed my vocation and reported when I returned, knowing that I must complete this soon so I may return to work with due to the fact that my payed time off would soon be diminished. At this time I had not yet heard of the organization PRN.
Chapter 3 Guilty till proven innocent: The diagnosis
Shell shocked I arrived to a in patient psychiatric unit and was rapidly cleared to progress to treatment without detoxification. During my 90 day of forced rehabilitation I met a few other individuals who were unjustly and fraudulently forced into treatment. I began to look up to one of these such members of the men’s community, who I will refer to as patient X for ambiguity sake.
Unlike me patient X did have alcohol use disorder. He spent many clinic days drinking to avoid alcoholic withdraws. The curious component of his story is that he admitted his depravity, saught help and through his own journey became sober. The bodies at be, namely his local physician, Health monitoring program, rejected his personal path to sobriety and forced him to undergo 90 days of in patient treatment before he could practice medicine again. When he checked in to rehab he had been sober for over a year.
Ask for Stories of people from online
As for me I spend many sleepless nights pondering how consuming a legal substance in a moderate amount could throw me into significant legal financial issues. My labs my toxicology, my story and my collateral from colleagues from colleagues all indicated light to moderate alcohol use but my evaluators word stood as the word of God.
More frightening was the director of this rehabs acknowledgment of this. The director who happens to also coincidentally be the evaluator, stated to me as well as to staff on multiple occasions: “ I suggest inpatient treatment for everyone who is reported”. “This is safer for me not to miss anyone who could harm patients, and I figure there must be a reason someone reported them.”
I am still elucidating the reason why I was determined guilty and proven innocent, however I can say from my 90 day stent that the majority of the patients at this rehab needed to be there. This program is saving lives of both providers and patients, however it is destroying the lives of those wrongfully accused.
Chapter 4 your lisense rehab or jail : Upon arivil I was sent to a detox hospital underwent a medical examination and was “one of the lucky ones” who required no detoxification and could report directly to PHP. Like everyone else, I spent 90 days in a PHP, being as 6-10 weeks is simply a lie they tell patients to decrease the change of resisting the treatment. When discussing the topic one therapist sated “if we told patients 90 days they would never come.” She then attempted to justify the treatment by outlining the story of a patient she had called who “didn’t make it to treatment” and killed themselves”. It is my belief that it is not the lack of PHP which impelled such professionals to take their life, but them realizing that they now will be obliged to undergo 90 days of PHP, 5 years of PRN monitoring with a loss of autonomy and hundreds of thousands of dollars taken from them that induced their hopelessness. For even if these professionals were truly mentally unstable in their addictions, in every case it was only following a phone call where they were informed they must undergo treatment that they took their life’s. By this time I still haven’t the slightest clue what PRN was.
Despite the security these programs provide for many my 6 main issues with them can be summarized in : 1. Kick backs: evaluators are directors of treatment clinics 2. The reported are guilty till proven innocent 3. The price, the overflow of money these places drag in from both patients and state universities is appalling, they charge separately for every visit and test 4. Although they make the claim that they are individualized, they are anything but. Every patient gets the same stay and treatment from the doctor drunk on the job and the one who was late to a shift 5. They force voluntary treatment. remember that friendly evaluator who promised he had your best interest at heart, so you opened up and told him everything about your substance use/ developmental / family history, well if you don’t stay for 90 days he will be “normally obliged” to tip the board of medical off to you.

1. The programs have overstepped their intended jurisdiction. -these programs work well if they function how they were intended at their inception. Cite original purpose. Originally these programs were designed to protect physicians and civilians from impaired practitioners; being healthcare workers who were impaired at work. Over the years, these organizations have extended their authority to encompass individuals with substance use disorders When not at work and also those who are in training to become healthcare professionals. Take for example myself compared to a physician who is impaired at work. A doctor who arrived for duty under the influence would surely benifit from the extensive testing, therapy and accountability enforced via these programs. In accordance the 20,000$ per year cost is appropriate when only making up roughly 7% of their yearly salary vs nearly half of a residents. In my case with my loss of income from employment, coast of treatment and monitoring, this year I will be required to pay 20,000$ to work. Yes, I will be losing money to work. Even if did indeed have a substance use disorder this level of monitoring wouldn’t not be considered appropriate.

Dispite all of the miscomings of this System My time spend in PHP was indeed helpful, as I believe it would be for anyone. Time for exercise, a reprieve from work and weekly counseling. A sample structure of my day to day schedule is provided below for insight:
Structure The general structure of these rehabitation centers is as follows: 1. One week of orientation phase, where you are not allowed in electronics or contact with the outside world world. Therefore, if you’re going, bring some things you would like to read or study. 2. In phase 2, you can use your phone however you cannot leave campus. You must stay in the dorm on campus. These shitty 1 room run down apartments with two other roommates will cost you about $1000 a week, they are required for at least four weeks and they are billed separately, no insurance will help you out here. 3. In phase 3 you can commute to campus if you beg your therapist and live very close. Whether you’re on campus or living off-campus, you are allowed to leave up to four hours per day. If you commute, you’ll be required to take a sober link decide you must Breath, alcohol test into every 6 hours. Like everything else in this program you must pay for this separately, a few hundred dollars a week. You advanced to other phases by completing assignments, however, assignments are limited by required built-in time, intrusive, scheduling, and reviewing. Therefore, if you do everything as rapidly as possible phase 1 will take one week phase 2 will take three weeks.
Every day schedule:
7:30: wake up, report to the front desk to inform them that you haven’t ran away yet and take and prescribed medications. They keep all your medications and require that you report to take them; for me this was antidepressants in an attempt to dispel the depression I contracted from being forced into treatment and whatever off label medication they were attempting to treat my ADHD with, since control medications were forbidden.
8 am: community group assessments This consisted of other patients presenting their assignments amongst the large group, on the weekends this was often an hour later and 12 study regularly took the place of assignment presentation.
10 am: process group. This was a two hour group therapy session with 6 to 12 other professionals in a therapist and training or occasionally a licensed mental health therapist.
1 pm: recreation This was generally about an hour of some sober themed craft or activity. Once a week this time slot was used for yoga.
2 pm: this was another time slot used for patients to present assignments as well as for individual therapy sessions. Each patient had one individual therapy session lasting 30 minutes per week.
3pm: This was time allotted to work on assignments or go to the gym on your sex specific scheduled gym day.
5pm: this time was used for guest speakers or another 12 step study group.
6 pm : this was generally an off-campus 12 step group
10 pm: report to the front desk and let them know you still haven’t ran away and take and Medication which are prescribed to take at night, then return to your cot bed in your room with 1-2 other roommates.
I found the community to be one of the most beneficial aspects of the PHP program. I was in a cohort of chill ass professionals of the same occupation who were always there to help each other.
Assignments The curriculum of the PHP consisted of assignment based on every step of the 12th step program. Generally, a patient would be required to complete an assignment on their own, review it with other patients, then faculty and finally present the assignment in front of the whole treatment group. You’re only given one assignment at a time and there are multiple steps to each which all requires scheduling this ensures that no matter how determined a patient is a full 90 days of treatment is required to complete all the assignments.
AA structure -the obsolete nature of AA has been verified in numbers studies, but I will refrain from divulging here and lend that endeavor to Dr. Lance Dodes very thorough discussion on the subject,in “the sober truth “
In all sincerity, if I truely did have a severe use disorder this experience could have been life saving. I only wish I could have used my 50 grand for someone who has spent their life time In addictive without reprieve. My first conversation when I was given my phone back was how I wish my father could be able to attend this PHP.
Chapter 5 reporting and PRN Self reporting What they ask you What you should tell them
There’s a third-party agency called professional resource network. Every state has their own. This agency works as a liaison between you and whatever credentialing service your occupation requires. Essentially they ensure your monitoring after treatment. Stake governments and licensing boards trust them, mainly because they monitor with the highest level of intrusiveness. This alleviates much work for state governments and licensing boards because once an individual is being monitored by a professional resource network, then they are deemed appropriate for duty and no further investigation/litigation needs to occur, as long as the monitored individual completely complies.
Because I was never impaired at work I was never reported to this agency. The general workflow of things someone would report you to professional resource network, then the resource network would contact you, and then you would be required to report for an evaluation at a treatment center, which would inevitably result in a suggestion I’ve treatment at that given treatment center. In my case I was sent to the treatment center without PRN being involved. Thus, two weeks into treatment. I was notified by my therapist that I needed to call PRN and self report. I attempted to resistance given that I did not have a problem and was not individually seeking help. I asked what happened if I didn’t self report. I was told that in order to stay in the treatment program I had to report to PRN. This meant either I report to PRN or I get kicked out of the treatment program and lose my job.
When you report to PRN they will ask you why you are in treatment. They will then list off every substance imaginable, asking you if you have ever tried the substance and when your last use was. Ultimately, they will obtain your discharge information from your treatment center, so it is in your best interest to report only what was found in your biochemical testing. If it wasn’t in your hair, I would argue that you don’t have a use disorder regarding that substance and it’s not relevant. I don’t believe it’s important for them to know that you smoked weed when you were 12.
Chapter 6 The contract:
Before being discharged from a treatment facility, a professional resource network will have you sign a contract. A little known fact which I was oblivious to is that contracts can be negotiated. Though this isn’t it possible, it is highly improbable that you can negotiate your contract since PRN has a power to delay your clearance to return to work.
Contractor almost never personalized, and I have not heard of a contract which is not a five-year agreement. You will sign releases of information so that PRN has access to all of your information which was gathered at the treatment facility. You must have a therapist, psychiatrist, primary care, doctor, and a addiction, medicine psychiatrist. You assign releases of information for all of them. You will be required To commit to: 1. three mutual aid meetings a week which you must log. I log smart recovery meetings. 2. Weekly therapy sessions with an approved mental health therapist from their list 3. Monthly doctors appointments with an addiction medicine psychiatrist 4. Yearly appointments with a primary care physician 5. Monthly appointments with a psychiatrist 6. Daily check-ins on a random drug testing app ( you will agree to weekly urine tests, a peth test 4 times a year, a hair test twice a year and a little caveat that says anything else they deem, clinically reasonable) 7. Quarterly update reports which you are required to obtain from a workplace monitor, therapist, addiction, medicine, psychiatrist, primary care physician and any other doctor you are seeing. 8. You must upload all of your prescriptions into a mobile application every single time you get them refilled and are not allowed to take them until they are approved. 9. Attendance of a PRN group via zoom. This is a local group you are assigned along with other monitored practitioners. There is a fee of roughly 130$ a month to attend this required group. For me all of these requirements coast around 20,000 a year. If you ever have a positive test even if it is the result of contamination from rubbing alcohol or unintentional ingestion of alcohol/ allergy medication your contract will rest to 5 years from the time of positive test. Once your five year contract is completed, you must ask to be released from monitoring. At that point they will search for any reason to keep you under monitoring. This could be dilute urines, daily check ins or a week where you did not attend mutual aid meetings. Every certification and license which you apply for will likely ask you if you were under a monitoring program/ have been treated for substance use. You must give an explanation and check yes. As far as licensing programs are concerned, if you were under the monitoring of PRN, you are safe, however they group practitioners who have had behavioral issues with practitioners who were diverting drugs from work. Therefore, keep in mind that you will be labeled as a sever addict.
7 Back to work and only work. During treatment your only goal is to return to work, however when you return your experience will be drastically distinct from what you remember. For me, I was now working in isolation. Missing six months of my training meant that no other Resident was on the same rotation as me. My coworkers at all formed friend groups. When I returned I was greeted with much concern for my well being. No one would speak to be about my absence, however everyone knew there is only one reason a resident would leave for 6 months then return. My Accdeemic meetings were consisting of attending telling me “I have a target on my back now” and “ I have to preform even better than others” in the light of my time missed. If this wasn’t alienating enough, the majority of Resident events, sponsored by recruiters and my university revolved around alcohol to which I had to give some excuse to why I can not partake with others. I’m fortunate that I do not have an addiction, because these stressful conditions along with the daunting amount of dead and requirements imposed by PRN are enough to make any addict relapse. While I was at treatment, I was in the dative with Samyr stories a physicians whose addictions got the best of them. Physicians who did not make it to treatment, often taking their own life. These stories were presented as a warning. Your addictions will kill you without our treatment was the message. When, in reality I did not hear one story in which the addiction killed physician. Every physician who didn’t make it to treatment took their life after being told they must report to a treatment facility. Perhaps they knew what this entailed and it was not their addiction or getting caught which caused them to end their lives, but the unmanageable and often unreasonable burden that treatment would put on their lives.
9 How to escape So your fucked your in PRN and should be or you should and now your recovered and want to terminated your contract.

1. You ask to be released early done at 1/2 time ( good luck)
2. You have “good reason” (no one has ever been let out of contract because of this reason, the verbiage is far too vague)
3. You serve all your time and they let you out(maybe, as discussed earlier, they would do everything they can to keep you in your contract as long as your practicing)
4. You can’t practice medicine anymore

10 Layer up butter cup : I cannot emphasize the extent to which legal help is required in this process. You much seek it and seek it early. Lawyers can provide many avenues to you early in the process. Once you have committed to treatment, gone for evaluation or are in a PRN contract , this is very little that you or legal help can do. Spend a few thousand dollars when you are accused and save the 20-30,000 later.
After you have been evaluated if you disagree as I did, then this is the process you must undergo. 1. Hire a occupation, defense, lawyer 2. Prove you don’t have an addiction, this is done by having an alternative evaluator with similar credentials state that either you don’t have an addiction or that PRN’s level of monitoring is not medically appropriate ( this will need to be a multi day neuropsychological evaluation, which will cost about $5000). 3. Your lawyer must draft in writing that the medical level of monitoring is not required such as another medical professional and send this to PRN 4. PRN will tattle on you to the board of medicine. 5. The board of medicine will conduct an investigation. 6. At the end or when they believe they have enough reasonable evidence to the board of medicine will suspend your license or claim, you must comply with the PRN contract to practice. 7. At this time your lawyer will defend you in the state court against the board. This is costly but much less than the coast of a 5 year PRN contract 8. If you win you will likely suggest an alternative level of care such as gonna get therapy every week. If you lose, than you wasted a fuck ton of money and are still bound by your PRN contract.
Overall this entire process has coast me Over all coast:
My finances for this year only including PRN and rent are as follows:
120-200$ every week for testing 480-800/ month
65 every week for therapy 195/month
125 every month for PRN group
About 50-69 every month for 2 doctor apts
So at least 745$/month at the lowest
Treatment at the recovery center coast 20,000 for me out of pocket and
I wasn’t payed for 6 months with no FMLA because I am a first year. At the 1 year mark I will have made 26,000 this year after taxes And payed About 29,000 on PRN alone
Rent is 1,000 so that’s 12,000 a year
Just in rent and PRN alone I will be at 26,000- 41,600 -15,600.
I will be in debt by at least 18,000 at the 1 year mark
Coast of treatment center 20,000 (with insurance) For each year of PRN roughly 20,000 Add that to 6 months of attending salary which was delayed due to my treatment time: at least 150,000 Layer coasts along with other evaluations 25,000 Missing 6 months of residency pay 30,000 Coast of 1 year in monitoring: 245,000 Coast of 5 years 325,000
If my case progress to a trail I will require an extra 20,000 in court coasts
Chapter 11 My secondary eval: Dr sushi After I arrived at my treatment center I challenge my evaluation multiple times. Each and every time I was discharged and often accused of alternate mental health/ substance abuse issues to discourage my advances. I was never given the opportunity to undergo alternative assessment, however PRN guidelines state that you can obtain a second option within 7 days of your first. This is a mute point, however, because you will not receive the results of your evaluation until over a week after it is conducted and the second evaluation must be conducted by another PRN hired evaluator of their choosing. During my stay in rehab I contacted PRN multiple times to attempt another evaluation/ legal help. They warned against both stating they were a “waste of money” and “pointless”.
After completing my treatment with the guidance of many addiction, experienced physicians, mental health counselors and psychiatrists recommendations I sought in a secondary evaluation. I chose a highly qualified professional with over 30 years of experience to conduct an extensive neuo psycho social evaluation of me. One that I was sure would be more extensive than the evaluation I received at treatment and more importantly an unbiased evaluation.
The results from my evaluation not only showed that I did not have a substance abuse problem warranting PRN level monitoring, but also that PRN was falling to allow adequate treatment of other conditions such as my ADHD. My evaluation showed my ADHD was not only untreated by PRNs attempt at using non controlled medication, but also in the top 3% most severe presentations of ADHD. My evaluator went on to explain my results by questioning why my treatment center even mandated I undergo neuro cognitive evaluation. The only neurodiverse findings were my IQ, my dyslexia and my ADHD. However, a neuo cognitive examination can be billed separately by treatment centers, therefore they always recommend one.
Chapter 12 Amongst its greed, intrusive nature and faulty accusations, professional recourse network function highly proficiently at the task they were designed to; protective physicians and patients from physicians who are impaired at work. In this domain they save lives, offer second changes and protect the public. When they act beyond their intended jurisdiction by imposing unnecessary monetary demands on practitionersin training, accuse practitioners without proof or act on behavior exemplified outside of a work setting they unjustly and inappropriately attack the week and innocent.
Proposed reform: As a trainee my universities malpractice insurance covers me for mistakes made at work. If a learner mistakenly harms a patient, then the university stands on their behalf. If the learner does something wrong under a teachers direct guidance, then the teacher is at fault. This makes sense logically as well as pragmatically. The state entrusts large amounts of money to hospital systems and universities to train resident physicians. A portion of this money is allocated to malpractice insurance. This should extend to accused impairment.
Suppose a training university was required to cover rehabilitation and monitoring of a resident of whom they claim is impaired. Alternatively they have the option of firing the trainee. This would reduce the number of innocent trainees being accused of impairment, make the process of rehabilitation more fair and provide a better use for tax payer derived dollars, which hospital systems are given to train residents. The truly impaired could still seek help, less false accusations would be made and with the employers having the ability to fire at the moment of impairment, there would be less chance of impairment at work.

i’ve quit this job back on october. but i keep thinking about what the previous store manager had said to me when i requested to be moved to the overnight shift. i worked retail at this point and my anxiety with customers, workplace gossip, and grumpy/offensive coworkers was making my anxiety much worse when i was already working full time and also studying as a full time student.
i tried asking this previous store manager if my request for overnight had been accepted or not over the course of 4 weeks since i’d submitted it. unfortunately he told me that he didn’t want me to leave my current (at the time) department because i was “one of the best”. but i hated it and my mental was failing and i wanted the night shift. in the end he told me to put up with it and be patient or quit.
any comebacks for that? for future purposes if they arise…

Im M28 and my partner is F27. We’ve been living together for 5 plus years now in an apartment. Recently, I think she gaslighted me - it’s a sunday, I woke up late as I streamed and played a game late the night before.
She woke me up as she cooked eggs and as I was eating, she already finished eating then told me to get up and get the clothes outside. Im fine with it initially as I asked her if I can just finish my eating then I’ll do that. To my shock, she said it cant wait and it’ll be quick. I was asking her if she was joking and as she was leaving to the room she said she wasn’t and closed the door.
I stood up, stopped eating, and followed her to the room asking if she really was joking because I’m still eating and she said she wasn’t. She knows this would frustrate me and I was disappointed and frustrated already I told her why it cant wait as Im still eating, I was asking her what’s with the rush and stuff but she just ignored me and opened her laptop to watch netflix. She ignored me and I was really frustrated. I stopped eating completely, got the hanging clothes outside (which is shaded by the way), I even hanged the newly washed clothes from the washing machine and washed the dishes as well.
We are ignoring each other for about a week now. I still do my normal routing including my solo walks every afternoon and lately it’s been giving me clarity and a moment to think if this relationship is worth it. Of course, this is not the first instance that this happened and recently I just got laid off from my work and it’s too much stress for me to handle. She knows that it takes a lot for me to get through my family problems, recent career problems, Im also not getting younger and the future worries me as I still can’t buy a house or be financially stable to provide for my future family. There are also other instances where she knows it will get me mad and frustrated so she does it or says it. There are also instances where she told me something but when I confirm it with her, she denies it when I really remember that she said it. Another instance which might seem like a little basic is when she gets cold water from the fridge and she returns the glass of water empty or only halfed - I told her to always refill it so we can drink cold water since we dont have a water dispenser and only relies on putting water in the fridge to make it cold. Whenever I ask her why the bottle is empty or halfed, she always denies its her and it’s obviously just the two of us in our apartment.
Another example is she has been asking me if she can loan money from me to buy an ipad but I told her I don’t have much savings and Im planning to go abroad so we have to save as much as we can as were both not from wealthy families, she also has a laptop and an android tablet and whenever I ask her what she will use it for she says just for watching movies and it’s apple - she keeps on repeating this and I always ask her why she can’t but it herself as we’re both working but then she always says she’s just joking but then when she constantly repeats it. I also referred her to my work (which I recently got laid off) even though she has no tech background and she got the job. I thought this could help her buy her mac/ipad. Recently, she bought a macbook thru her colleague’s credit card (she would pay her coworker for 2 months) - she could use this for both work and watching netflix.
I’m not perfect but I keep on telling her I just need peace of mind and for us not to fight and I can continue to fight life and get my stuff together but she is not helping. I have been also waiting for her to initiate and apologize but she appears to be okay even singing (We stay in one room). It’s like she does that care.
Since I’m working from home, I recently tried to work in cafes to get a different environment and think more and she has not sent me a single message to apologize or anything. Her work is only a 3 minute walk from our apartment.
NSFW: Don’t know if this helps but our sexual relationship is pretty normal I think, we have sex like twice or thrice a week (more frequent maybe 3 times or more a week when she’s safe) and just 2 weeks ago she was safe and we just had sex and she says it’s amazing but most of the time I finish before her (about 15 minutes or less I think - she has a nice body I really can’t help it). Last month she also opened up about wanting a sex toy (dildo) and I bought her that and she asks me if I like it when she uses it when we’re making love and I say yeah. Our most recent sex, she made me go outside the room for a couple of minutes then when I went inside she was using the dildo and I made her orgasm with the dildo while licking her clit. Then we do the usual sex without the toy. I noticed however that she denies having orgasm from the toy when I literally see it then she wants the toy removed and she wants my d inserted the .
Tldr: Is my girlfriend gaslighting me? She doesn’t respect my time of eating and she also has been ignoring me and does not appear to care for the past week.
Thanks in advance for thoughts/inputs. Would like to apologize for any grammatical errors if any - Im kind of winging everything right now.

Applied for Netherlands Schengen from VFS Mumbai
Timeline:
26th April: Appointment date and application forwarded to NL Embassy, New Delhi
29th April: Application received at Netherlands Embassy, New Delhi
14th May: Visa application processed and dispatched via courier
16th May: Passport received via Bluedart.
Result: Single entry visa approved with 45 day validity and 30 day stay
Itinerary submitted for 13 days with entry in Netherlands (7 Nights) and travel onwards to Italy (5 Nights).
Documents submitted:

1. Cover letter explaining reason for travel, personal social and financial situation, and short explanation of bank statement history and stocks holdings.
2. Day by day Itinerary with plans for each day along with stay details.
3. Real flight tickets with entry in Amsterdam and return from Rome.
4. Internal transit flights (Amsterdam to Venice) and Car rental bookings.
5. Pay at hotel bookings in all cities as per Itinerary.
6. 3 months bank statements + 2 year ITR + 3 months payslips.
7. Employment letter, leave approval letter and compensation letter
8. Travel Insurance with coverage of $200,000

Note:

1. I had no prior travel history and this was my first ever visa application.
2. You can track BlueDart courier with your visa application number. (use as reference id on bluedart tracking)
3. I got the documents verified via Visario, they drafted me a cover letter as per my plan.

Feel free to ask me anything.

Last year I helped my boyfriend at the time apply for an apartment. It was then understood that I might move in later, but he moved in alone and assumed payments alone, as he assured me over and over he could do. He had pushed pretty hard and convinced me there were reasons he couldn’t qualify that didn’t matter, he just needed the boost. He thanked me and told me he knew I didn’t have to do it. I thought I’d done an honest person a favor. A short time later we broke up, and a few months after that he told me he couldn’t afford the apartment anymore and was moving out. He told me he would handle everything and since we were on good terms, I saw no reason to doubt him and carried on with my life.
Fast forward to now, I get a letter from a debt collection office asking for 5k. I call him and ask what happened. He acts shocked and says he thought he paid everything. He tells me he’ll get to the bottom of it and call his mom, who is a lawyer. Then, he doesn’t get back to me. I wait a bit and then follow up. From there, it was like a flip switched. He tells me it’s my problem, deal with it myself and to leave him out of it, then blocks me.
I consult the apartment management, a lawyer, and the collection office. I find out he simply stopped paying the apartment and moved his stuff out, ignoring the 60 day paid notice, and racking up legal fees to boot. I also discover that it’s a joint debt, as we signed the lease together. If nothing gets paid, we both get sued. If I pay, he’s no longer liable. I suspect he was advised by his mom that he was free to ignore me and that I would have to do something about it or face consequences myself.
I’m gobsmacked, hurt, and unsure how to proceed. I was advised that if he is completely incommunicado, my only recourse is to pay it in full and pursue small claims court. Is this true? And if so what can I expect?

Hi, i’m not sure where to start.. but first of all i’m mentally ill and i’m trying to work on myself for years. I have clinical depression, social anxiety and bipolar disorder which makes me even more “easy” to hurt. My bf has untreated adhd and anger issues. He deal with this on his own by smoking canabis since he was 13. Problem is that he is stoned since he wakes up till he goes to sleep and he is so angry when he’s not. He can’t even try to solve things or communicate without smoking. It really piss me of when i’m trying to communicate with him about some problem and he gets mad and “needs to calm down to think” by going to smoke. He’s also smoking at work which i’m not okay with. This is not the reason why i’m writing this but i just want you to get into this situation as much as i can. We are together for a year. 4 months ago i’ve made a choice to change my job so we can live together and spend more time together. Now we are coworkers (we worked at a same place just in diff shifts which made it hard for us cuz i woke him up when i came back from work). It was hard for me to change a shift cuz of my social anxiety. I also lost my best friend cause he hated him and said that he will hurt me. Now to the problem - when we were together for like 6 months my girl friend tried his loyalty by trying to flirt with him - and he failed in whole another level. Just for you to know we did it cause i didn’t trust him cuz of some things that i knew.. like.. he is exhibicionist i guess.. in past he sent a lot of dic pics to random people cuz that feeling that someone could see it turned him on.. i never thought it was a real problem cause he never really had a gf before me so i thought that that’s the reason why he was doing stuff like this. Buut I found out by accident that he is STILL doing this stuff! And he is paying for it?… he is paying online cam sites like omegle to show his D to people. I found it really weird. We r having s*x normally so that’s not a problem. As i said we ate living together but he is doing this stuff when i go to visit my parents? They live 15 min away. Also i’ve found out when i was at my lowest - my cat (10) tragically died in my arms and i was for a week at my patent’s cuz it was our cat and they were also destroyed by what happend to our cat. My cat died before Valentine’s and i was waiting for my psychiatrist to change andress in my sick note so i couldn’t leave to go to see him. He got mad and sent me a lot of angry ugly voice mails and went to go show his D on cam sites and do stuff…. lately when i tried to talk to him about this he just told me that he thought that it was over and that he can’t hurt methat he wasnt really thinking. He did this whole year of our relationship and this was his “sorry.” He told me that he is sorry and that he loves me. I stayed calm and tried to understand why is he doing this and stayed hurt inside. Lately i had a break down cuz of that (which makes sense i guess). He’s been so jealous lately that i talk to my coworkers (30+ with wifes) and that im too kind to people and that im smilin at people???.. i seriously don’t know what to do … i tried to do my best to fix this relationship but i’m at my limit. He cheated on me our whole relationship i gave him EVERYTHING and he is mad that i’m smiling at people? What the heck. What’s wrong with him? Please help me

I (35f) have found evidence that my mother who has been missing 20 years is still alive and is out and about. I have 4 siblings, Jane 37, Ann 33, Fran, 33, and Crystal 30. We were all raised together, even though some of us our half siblings. Jane and I are full siblings. I never really separated any of us because we all share the same my mom and were raised together so I just call every sister; sister. When I was 12 years old, my mother asked me a question “if you had to choose with being with me or your sisters, who would you rather be with?”. I remember telling my mom I would rather be with her, then a month later, she woke me up in the middle of the night and told me we were leaving. A bit a background, we were extremely poor, living in shelters or government assistance. There were many times we went to bed hungry, but sometime my mom would wake me up and take “us” (me and her) to get food. My mom was my everything from a very young age. Anything she believed in, thought or taught me, I retained over the years and found them to be important. Like “join the military, if you don’t know what you want to do” “treat every relationship like it will be you last (i.e. do everything to take care of your man). I did 4 years in the army, and every relationship, I put way more into than I should’ve. But in my eyes, these were things I was supposed to retained and respect. When I hit 13.5 years old, everything changed. In 2002, the state, government, DCS, CPS, DCFS, whatever it is in your state found me. They found me at school and took me away to live with my sisters and Grandfather (someone I was always told was dead). I finally saw my sisters again, I was happy about that. But it also came with its own set of problems. “Where have you been? What happened? Why did you?”, Ect, etc. Of course, I had no answers, the choice to pick my mom or them, I couldn’t say how it all went down in the beginning, keep in mind I was 12 to 14 in this whole process. After a while my sisters and I were able to get passed that decision I made. We ended up having “visitation” with my mother. She came to two visits, promised we would see her again and then disappeared. She reached out one other time after the 2nd visitation to tell ME, she was in the hospital for trying to kill herself, literally my last conversation with her. This happened in 2002/03, it all blurs this point in 2024. So they found out me with my sisters and grandfather (someone I remember my mother saying was dead already when I was with her). So my mother raised me until I was 13, and my grandfather took care of me from 14 to 24. Over the years, I would always try to look for her, I would used reverse address sites, stuff like “BeenVerified” “Truthfinder” and other reversed address websites. Anything I could afford to find her, never had enough money for a private investigator. But thought all the websites I never found substantial information. And I did this at least once every other year for about 14 years. It was devastating nothing ever panning out, but life goes on. May 2016, her father my grandfather passed away. He left $100,000, to each of his children. At the time I definitely thought, this is when I’ll see her again, this is when I’ll know what happened, because of course she will show up to get her inheritance…. Wrong… so wrong, she never popped up and just continued to be gone. Our original state is California. In Cali, if someone is missing for 5 years you can you can have the courts declare them deceased, it’s paperwork and exhausting, but also totally doable. I waited 8 years to start the process of trying to get the inheritance (it was never about the money, but in my mind, if it’s just there with the State, forget all that, give it to her struggling kids). So in January 2024 I started the process so me and all my sisters can get the inheritance. I was preparing documentation for the next court date and stumbled across a copy of my mother’s ID and birth certificate. I found it through the court because she was trying to get her inheritance exactly at the 5 year mark. I feel awkward. I prayed and hope for a long time that I would see her again, but after 20 years, I figured she must have died, People don’t just leave 5 children behind and forget about them…. Now that I was trying to better the lives of me and my sisters, now I find her information…. (It’s all too weird) I know life isn’t fair, and people have it better and worse than me. But I’m also like, what type of bullshit is this, I was finally ready to move on, now’s there’s a small glimmer of hope that I’ll see her again… you have got to be shitting me… I found her info a 2 days before Mother’s Day, just another slap in the face. So all that is the background to the AITA post. So now after explaining to 3 of my sisters that “she” found and I have an address for her, this is where the disconnect starts. Jane and Ann, wants nothing to do with her, they’re hurt, she left us, I get it, atleast to a certain extent. There’s so much hate because she disappeared. But myself and Fran, wants any and all information to understand what happened. It’s not normal to go AWOL so we want to know wtf happened. Unfortunately Crystal died in 2022, but she has explained her feelings before and she would definitely be on Jane and Ann side. Once again, I get it, we were all abandoned for over 20 years. I’m just a person that needs/ wants closure. And Fran is with me on that. Jane and Ann don’t want me to “poke the bear” there are completely over the situation, so when I mentioned reaching out, they both want absolutely nothing to do with it. And Jane doesn’t want me to reach out at all. But in my mind, I’ve been searching for years, so I want some contact if possible. So earlier today, I wrote a letter and sent that along of a copy of my youngest sister obituary to beg, super beg for my mom to respond me to try to have a relationship with her against my sisters wishes. I asked Jane and Ann for permission to send the letter, and the answer was pretty much “don’t do it”. I usually try to be super mindful of other peoples feelings and what they have been through ( I’m a Social Worker). But I felt like I couldn’t deny my feelings and I had to reach out. I’d be lying if I said I hated her, or didn’t want a real relationship with her. Over the years I started to say the same things as Jane and Ann, but I know part of that is believing I would never have the chance to see her again. But as of right now, that’s no longer the case. So AITA for reaching out to my estranged mother against my Sisters wishes?

Hey all,
I apologize in advance if this isn't formatted properly. I read over the rules, and I feel like this would be an acceptable post?
Anyways, long story short a few years ago I met a man from Jamaica. He was up here originally working on a local (to me) orchard, though he ended up finding work in construction instead. He had hired an immigration consultant, whom touted a fake program to gain residency in Canada, and we didn't find out until much later that they actually had a class action lawsuit against them for the same thing with another group of people.
The contract he signed with the consultant stated he needed to stay employed with the same company until the paperwork went through; seemed easy enough except the employer also had a clause in their employment contract that housing and job were tied together - and lose eitheor, the employer would pull the endorsement. From the actions of a coworkers/roommates girlfriend, my boyfriend lost his job/home, and the consultant pulled their services without properly informing my boyfriend.
Unfortunately, his visa had expired and he ended up overstaying. When he was spoken to by a border agent, they gave him the option to leave and come back no sooner than 12 months, but from what I'm able to see - he's hooped on coming back up here on a work visa. Am I correct? We have now officially been in a LDR for 14 months, but I'd be worried about him not being approved if I were to try and sponsor him? And realistically, I don't make enough to qualify for sponsoring him/caring for him until he were to receive a work visa.
The whole thing very much goes over my head, no matter how many times I try to look over the immigration information.
If anything needs clarification, I can answer it. Thanks in advance for your help! :)

I have now seen three (3) natural super events in a one (1) month time frame.
O
In early April we had traveled to see the solar eclipse. My LTR’s friend had a crummy cabin right in the path of totality and had invited lots of people to come watch. These were acquaintances and chums from a touring / traveling / festie past life, the kind of wild spirit I’d see once or twice a year at some interesting event and ask what they’ve been up to. My lover would already know; they are a creature of social media and a master of effortlessly effusive connections. I can’t even pinpoint when I forfeited all of those attendees as now being more their friend than mine.
Totality is still ineffable despite all the accounts. You see it coming as the clouds part directly below its pathway, leaving a trail of its approach from the horizon. Animals freak out, shadows bend, the collective hype of your company irresistible. The sky darkens slightly one minute before you’re snapped into a parallel dimension ruled by a glowing ring god. For four minutes the neurons in your brain that fear the sky are screaming and you experience the answer to the question: “what if reality was different?”
Having experienced that rumination made me actually reconnect with all the attendees afterwards. How lazy I was, how fearful and jaded, to assume that friendships, human connections, didn’t deserve effort? That you should never forfeit companionship without at least trying first? How beaten down and cynical had I become that Luna herself had to remind me that love should be joyous and celebrated? Now was a chance to correct that mistake.
I ended up becoming the life of the rest of the party, an unusual position for me. Perhaps my mind was sufficiently shaken up and I saw the opportunities I had long ignored. Perhaps my gregarious partner didn’t dominate the scene because of the blotter which I had passed on. Maybe some combination of those factors led to them being uncharacteristically quiet for the rest of our stay. By contrast, the silent drive home was typical for us these days.
V
They were not in the car for the second super event. That was just me and my coworker, called off of our out-of-town jobsite. An unusual emergency meant that we had to drop everything and leave NOW. If our supervisor hadn’t called then we would have felt it in the air, a sense of impending danger spoken in wind and atmosphere.
My phone alert went off on the highway. Take shelter now, an impossible plea at 70 mph through farmlands. My coworker, a plain spoken plains man, silently barreled forward towards the green-blue cell. The throbbing bassline of Nugent’s “Stranglehold” accompanied the descending fingers of clouds that threatened just that. Cars and semis were pulled over under overpasses, a pointless shield against anything other than the hail but I still understand their impulse. We reached our exit and could see the storm that we passed under from the driver’s side window.
“There it is” he said so flatly. His enthusiasm was appropriate: there, behind the modest and familiar skyline, was the weather event every midwestern is taught to fear. But it struck no fear in me. It too looked modest and familiar.
The funnel was literally just an extension of the slate clouds above, a tendril, a shape, not registering with me as a threat at all. Even while driving through it my thoughts weren’t of danger but of melancholy resignation. Perhaps because it was a forty minute drive and my position was completely determined by outside demands: be at work at this time, go to this jobsite, leave right now, this is the only path you can take home. I felt no control over any of it, not the schedule, not the weather, not the lame ass boomer soundtrack that could’ve been the last thing I heard had a butterfly flapped it’s wings different.
The tornado incurred significant damage just a few miles from our house. My partner was equally non-plussed by the whole situation. If they had felt fear in the basement then they had forgotten it entirely, the event reduced to a “man that was crazy” story to recount later within a handful of sentences. Perhaps they too recognize that some awful events are just bound to happen, the certainty of which strips the stress away.
//
The final phenom was actually a subdued encore. The aurora borealis had made a surprise visit to the Lower 48, but we missed the first night. Even though my lover had received texts from their many friends telling them about the heavenly light show, we were already in bed and in no place mentally to go see it. The NOAA predicted it would be visible the next night, so we planned for that instead.
The drive was the last effort of the day, a final rally after work and social obligations and stressful interactions on top of endless mundane life maintenance. Our modest midwest town with it’s modest skyline isn’t too heavy on the light pollution, but there was a lake a half hour north where most of the local pictures were taken the night before. Making the voyage out there felt like a slog after those last few days, but the aurora was on my bucket list and I needed some cosmic intervention in my life. I was hoping it would be like the totality, a brilliant display that left me changed afterwards. Instead, it was like the tornado. It just was.
Sure, there were some pastel smears in the night sky. Hell, you could even point your phone at it and see if better on your camera app. But it appeared as if the display wasn’t as breath taking as the night before. Our friends and countless other couples lucked out and got to experience something beautiful, but we did not. And I felt nothing.
No anger, no resentment, no disappointment even. Just a kind of tired acceptance that I only got to see some of this brilliant thing I always wanted but I was so worn out from days of work and effort and driving and stressful interactions of fighting and arguing –
We drove back again in silence. Five days ago we were given homework from our therapist. We were instructed to end each night a brief description of a frustration from our day that didn’t involve our partner. The idea is to distill the unpleasantness to a few sentences and a few words so that we can express how we feel about negative experiences as simply as possible to each other. Perhaps that exercise will help us understand each other better and highlight themes that consistently upset us.
That only works if you do it every night. This was five nights since that session and we hadn’t done the exercise even once. It’s a great idea, but we are just in no place mentally to put in the effort. We had tried for years to not forfeit our companionship, only to feel drained and exhausted. We just go to couple’s therapy because that’s what good progressive millennials do. We both know what’s coming. We can feel it in the air.
A committed relationship was always on my bucket list. I had hyped up the beauty of it in my mind. Instead it’s only been a lot of work and effort and rallying and fighting and arguing. Other friends and countless other couples got to experience that brilliance, but I just felt so, so tired.
The impending break up is going to be awful. We are deeply entwined with each other, and it’s going to be painful to separate and watch our mutual friends take sides. It’s going to leave a path of destruction, but we are both resigned to this happening. I feel no control over it, it’s just what’s on the horizon. I wonder what opportunities there will be afterwards, when reality is different.