Crazy bracelets book

tw// mention of SA, rape
So i’m currently reading Kite runner in my A-level english class, and if you have read ANY part of that book you know that it’s pretty dark, with chapter 7 being extremely bad. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse/rape and have very bad CPTSD, it’s always been a very haunting thing, unsurprisingly. At the same time in my other english class i’m reading Handmaids tale, and i have had many an instances where i needed to step out and take a breather because i was having a panic attack or on the brink of one.
Having spoken with some teacher about it previously, my english teacher came up to me last week the day before our lesson and warned me that we were gonna read a graphic and very bad description of rape in Kite Runner next lesson. I had been trying to prepare myself mentally for that for ages because i did a little search into the book before we started reading and found out about what happens in the story. It was a lovely sunny week and i was really bummed out about having it ruined by the book. So i prayed to Ares for his help and that i would be able to get through it without any major issues or freak outs.
The teacher seemed very fine when speaking to me the previous day so i was genuinely shocked when we found out she just wasn’t in for some reason and so we couldn’t read the chapter (she made it clear she didn’t want us reading that chapter on our own, even if the class is 17-18 year olds i’m guessing it’s safe guarding stuff), i was able to enjoy my sunny week and day just fine! which was lovely because i genuinely felt like i wasn’t prepared for it last week, I massively thanked Ares and really expressed my gratitude for what he did, i don’t exactly know what he did but what ever it was it really helped!
Then today was the faithful day that we were actually going to finally tackle chapter 7, I prayed to Ares the whole day practically and during my whole english lesson tried to think of him and ask for his calmness and courage to wash over me. I have a little garnet bracelet that i wear in his and lady Hestia honor, and i gripped that thing like it was a damn life line. Surprisingly i didn’t have any major panic attacks over the text! I did cry later when i was alone with a friend who knows about my issues and is very willing to hear me out and offer comfort, but once again i thought of lord Ares and felt a calm energy wash over me which really helped me calm down, i was a little bummed out and icky for the rest of the day, but there’s not much he could do about that, i was going to be feeling shitty either way, panic attack or no panic attack.
I’m just genuinely supprised because i had freaked about about much lesser things previously in Handmaids tale so i genuinely think it was Ares having an influence in me.
I am so very thankful for having him in my life.

I apologize for the list but I really want to understand the ending of this crazy series. Hopefully someone can take pity on me and walk me through this. If your answers spoil other books in the universe, I'm fine with that. I think I'm done with Malazan but I still want to know what I just read.
They went to a lot of work to free the Crippled God only to have Cotillion stab him. No one seemed fazed by that so I'm assuming that was...planned? And the desired outcome?
What the fuck was the Quick Ben scene after he "died"? Am I supposed to know who he is now? Figuring out his deal was one of the things that kept me going in this series and I feel like I must have missed it.
How did Karsa smashing an alter remotely detonate Fenner on another continent?
Why does Fenner's blood (I assume thats what it was?) resurrect Hettan but not Toc? Or any of the other dead lying around?
If Ganoes can gate entire armies around, how did he still manage to show up late to Tavore's stand?
How is the formerly starving girl hiker able to summon killer god shard locusts?

Don't get me wrong. I'm truly curious, and this question I've been carrying for over a year.
Im a 30 m
Objectively I have lived a terrible odds stacked against me from the start. I was born to a father that took my mother faraway to a farm and isolated us he was quite the abuser with my self going Tru all 5 different tipes my siblings 4 and the youngest only 2 I was the only one that was s## abused. From as Yong as I can remember I plead my mother to leve. Turned in to a super Cristian thus a wife's purpose is to be subject to her husband. Evan though she also went true all 5 she was even r## infront of me.
I mentioned we grew up on a farm in isolated he would work construction jobs all over Africa so most of the time we would be left alone. Work 4 months home 6 weeks the first day that he is back he cums with takeaways and cool drinks and it's a celebration it would normally only be calm for 2-3 days when he would get angry normally before we were to go buy groceries. Witch ment we will have to put that car together and fix it that's normally tha first day that I would blead if it's not from a tool it's because I woed gow far into the field to hide then it would be his lether belt my but would be blue And red brushe sometimes my skin woed split open and blend every time I moved.
The first time I saw a classroom or a teacher was at the age of 13 we got a tv for the first time at the age of 12 so obviously I had no sosial skills it was just a few days a group of bullies introduced me so that was not fun until a few months later when the hieschool librarian looked over our class.
My mom dit taught me to read and math and science (only biblical accurate) so I started reading at 4 at 5 I was at the level of gr3 had to develop my own horrible handwriting. I was good at math though my mom only knew +×÷- and fractions to the second point
The library was my heavin in 3 years personally I graduated done with every book in the library besides most of the story books The problem was I couldn't really speak English I only got exposed to it from the TV so I was on my way to fail Gr6 I didn't during the last term my dad left for work again but this time it was longer we ran out of food and my mom finally ran away with her 5 kids pregnant and starving all the food we had fit into a shoe box and ther was space for my brothers favorite little teddy 🧸 about the size of a tennis ball
We moved to the city we're I found out my mom has siblings thy help us with some basic it was crazy there I could not even cross the streets thy were 3 lanes mutch to wide for a teen cross with out getting run over starting high school I decided I would be the opposite of my history so on the first day I broke the head boy a rather big rugby player nose. That showd them I was never bullied and yet still not cool so I joined the skateboarders I was terrible but they had issues and I'm nothing but broken metal head started smoking never touched weed that's drugs glue as well it makes youcrazy. Though sometimes we would snort white power at the mall. Only after a few months in class I found out there are more tips of drugs. To late now I'm a cat addicted our group grew and we became the popular group we were 40 in the core group if we threw a party 200 people show up I mean some college students started hanging with them college girls hang with me at 17 so obviously the heiskool girls thru them at me nonstop sleeping with 2-3 a night never not wrapped always save. Until I slept with one I actually cared for but not as much as she for me so to get here to disappear I seduced her sister on her bed so she could walk in on that. 3 day later she was found dead in the bath with a letter to her parents on their bed and a long letter for me in her sister underwear full of her blood for me.
My next relationship was my fiance Finally quit drugs 3 years later Completely thought ow yeah remember that I was so smart well turns out I failed gr 9 almost twice shortly before the second time time my mother lost her job I was still partying her savings didn't last we got evicted ran out of food so I quit school and started buying thing from drug dealers and sell them it wasn't long before I afforded a bigger house some time later I moved out paying 2 rents going crazy the drugs were not fun any more my friends are dieing on after the other some go to prison I fought my best friend. I saw what was happening because of the drugs I walk 70 km that weekend faar into the field to escape only with my knife. Not the plan but I lived there for 3 weeks alone my phone is still there somware I came back sober no friends
I didn't fin school so it's only min wage for 3 years trying multiple business all fail until I lost my job again. One day I dit a car port for a lady little did I know that in justover 7 years 2 months before covid i will loos. A my greatest business in going to 8 figure this time 100% legal in one writing of a pen and waist all my saving on loyars to get it back lost my fiance and only child
Went into depression
tryed and failed 3 more business Good diagnose with add and adhd Over came depression Diagnosis with ptsd Found out my 5 year old son is not evan myn Depression again Gave up trying at all tried drugs again for 2 months give up on that two
Move back to the farm where it all started farm is falling It's sort off failng less
Depressioni quit low
And finally today im bulding my own shop with bricks i made my self everything wants to fail this sometimes its so close.
And yeah true all of that's I can honestly say I never had suicide Evan as a though to be a option
Seriously why would I not just end me but I just don't have that option ever

So after 7 years of dealing with my TBI and fighting a lawsuit involving the accident, I finally saw a neurologist. But what they found scares the ever living shit out of me. I was in that appointment for about 2 hours and the doctor was doing every test in the book, pretty standard and I’ve done them all so many times before, but it’s when she looked in my ear and saw blood when everything changed. The doctor got a bit more serious, started doing tests I’ve never done. They checked me for numb spots, checked my mobility, checked my heart, and asked me different questions then before. Turns out there’s a very high possibility that my brain is still bleeding to this day. Possible hemorrhaging and I never knew, I never asked any questions because I was in shock. So against my better judgment I googled it (I know bad idea), I’m scared now. Am I dying? Or am I gonna die soon? I’m so scared! I still have 2 kids I want to raise, I want to see them graduate, I want to see them get married, I want to walk my daughter down the aisle, I want to meet my grandkids, I’m not ready. Someone please tell me I’m wrong, tell me I’m crazy……..I’m so scared.

Hello everyone! I have decided to leave my thoughts here, so whatever happens, happens, I just feel like I should do it somewhere. Oh my, I typed a lot, I'm not even confident enough that this will be read, but hey I've got nothing to lose. So, I'm a guy who just recently hit 20 and the ways I think and feel are changing and I am having difficulties because of that. This will be related to my feelings, thoughts and my wishes, the last part is something I'm not used to having. The main problem will be my father who is not supporting that. However I wouldn't say it's just some "disagreement" or anything, but something bigger. So I will leave some stuff I've been through and how I felt at those times. I hope someone can help or anything
Before school: I would be super talkative with the family and neighborhood kids, just being annoying and putting out some childlike opinions and just being a little loud burden when I'm comfortable. When I'm not, I'd just be the quiet kid I've been taught to be, not nice bothering grownups, they're scary
Elementary school: As a kid I never had too many friends, I always attached to that one person and was connected with them the most and it was enough for me. However I happened to have some silly luck where whenever I'd get attached to someone they would magically appear to move out of the country and I'd find a new friend and repeat the same cycle. Definitely didn't hang out with multiple people at once. Wasn't aware this was doing something to me. A lot of them were friends that played a lot of video games and I got into playing video games too. A bit too much perhaps because it would happen to delay everything, including my knowledge of everything till this very day. Both in elementary and high school I was a straight A, "gifted kid" and all that nerd stuff. Of course I did it all because I feared the reaction of my parents if I wasn't doing as good as I was supposed to. My mom was more understanding than my dad. I could always ask her things like "Would you still love me if I wasn't getting As?" and she would comfort me and all the good stuff. I was always afraid of my dad so I never had deeper talks with him. Even today, I have deep talks with my mom and love spending time with her but I can end up being all day alone with my dad and we share 20 words. But now not that much because of fear but because of habit I guess. My whole life goal at this stage was just not making him angry. I didn't have any hobbies, just burning through games and school books. When it was time to go to highschool, I picked some random school not directed into anything, (uhh I don't know the words, gymnasium? the school that has a little bit of everything, nothing specific, English is not my native language) it was kinda directed to coding but not really, I picked it because, hey I like games, this should be fun, I could make games.
Highschool: My habits have hit me, and I realized I'm not really engaging in healthy human activities so I have been so afraid of not being able to make friends. Because I usually spent my social time with one friend in my house or their house I didn't really know anything about my town or places or activities or whatever at the age of 15. I was scared of simply being too far behind on everything and that I couldn't make friends. However I happened to find some kid who was just like me and I clicked with him. Oh my, repeating the cycle, am I not? However I didn't want to repeat the cycle. And I wanted to go meet more friends from the class and see what's up, I'm tired of feeling like an outcast. I've been lucky and I've met some great guys where I've seen what it means to have self-respect, self-love, a backbone, goals, how you can rebel against things you find ridiculous and all the most insane of them all, ~confidence~. Thanks to being in that group of 5 friends, I've been taught so many things I should have known ages ago and I was able to feel okay around people, start going to the gym, going out in town, advancing even as far as going to different towns and trying out things I didn't feel comfortable thinking about before. Was able to talk to girls on a deeper level and had an embarrassingly late realization of "hey, they're human too!". Things I did were nothing too crazy ever, I still had my dad's ideals hanging over my head, so I never felt comfortable engaging in some things like drinking or going to parties out late (well, he wouldn't allow me to leave the house late anyways). Eventually I figured out I can just lie to him to make things less complicated by twisting the story a little bit, that's how I ended up going to another town. The first time I confronted him about something bigger, is when I wanted to go to another country on my own so I could meet up with my girlfriend at that time and I was tired of him not allowing me stuff and I just dropped my first ever assertive-ish sentence to him. "I want to ask you something but I don't want your answer to be no". He allowed me to, was taken aback though. That trip was one of the most beautiful experiences I've ever had in my life. I think he allowed me to only because it was a girl in question, and I wasn't really having girl friends in highschool, was scared because of all the generalization I've heard from my father and the relationship between my parents, and I truly wasn't excited about the whole idea of marriage. My dad is very traditional and he loves being in control of my life because he believes that a man should fully provide for his family, that he should simply deal with this deal with that, that a wife must obey him, that parents are most important no matter how they act yadda yadda. A lot of old thinking I never agreed with but couldn't do much about it anyways so let's just live I guess. However one thing I did continue in highschool is my addiction to video games. But then I stopped because I felt guilty for not studying and felt guilty for not learning about music or town areas all my friends know. So I started listen to music properly and I got hooked to it. This has grown into a bigger problem now and I'll go in the final stage of my life because I feel like this is so much text.
University: (if I say uni/college, I'm talking about the same thing, I don't know if there's a difference between the two words) Oh well, you remember how I said that the addiction is gonna make a problem? Well, I started studying engineering. Thanks to my high grades and me doing the entrance exam relatively well, I got into the "toughest college in the country". Now, the fun part is that now that I have to detach from listening to music for multiple hours a day and absolutely doing stupid dances and releasing my energy outside because I don't know what to do with it, I realized I never thought about what I loved... And, well let's just say I don't really know if engineering, nor coding was the way to go. Crisis time. However I don't like anything, what do I do I'm gonna lose my mind. Well, let's just try having friends? I met some of the most beautiful souls ever on this university and I have reached the point of being able to "be myself" and show the world my weirdness and all the goofy opinions and statements my mind creates. I go to that college sometimes just to see all those beautiful people again and again. They're serious about what they're doing and about their studies, I wish them the best, I really hope I don't negatively affect them. However, I tried to research a bit on what I might actually truly love. And after stumbling through life this last year while pretending everything's okay when dad asked, and telling the truth to my mom, I stumbled onto psychology. And well I have went to that college, to see the lessons and classes and wow, studying can be fun? So I'm thinking about finally taking a wrong turn on this path I was always meant to take from the beginning of my life, and follow this, just to see what's gonna happen. What's the purpose of pushing software engineering when I know I'll feel about it like any other job. I'm not money hungry anyways, I'm hungry for being fulfilled. I've confronted my dad about wanting to change my career, to which I've been called many names, been extremely judged for my choices and I've been told to cut off my hair and stop going to the gym as punishment (I'm not planning on listening to this). I've never been physically abused by my dad, but I'm scared if he's insane enough to do something to me now because he set me a timer of 7 days to cut off my hair. Oh yes btw, I always wanted to have long hair and he never agreed, I was too scared to ever do it. Recently I've changed my mind and he hates it so now he wants it gone. I'm genuinely concerned if he's gonna launch on me with scissors or something ridiculous. You see, even now I am so easily manipulated and controlled by fear and I'm sick and tired of that. That's probably the reason I never got out of religion, my fear is just too strong for me to do it. I dislike that, I wish I could transfer fear into love, I have never learned how to do that though. Will I always be like this? Will I always be a coward and just say "yessir" to everything? I don't want to anymore. I'm tired of being a puppet. I'm tired of having to prove I'm smart or capable or hardworking. I just want to have something with which I can say "I did this on my own, I committed to this, I wanted this" not "well it was good for me". I want to start following my heart and throw my brain out of the window. And now I'm scared of things like "what if I was wrong all along and he was right", "what if I don't find any jobs in this country because of this", "what if he throws me out of the house or starts abusing me". Well I don't know, but I feel like I want to commit to psychology, and I'm gonna do it, I'll be on my own, no ideals from other people, just me, and my wishes. But these words and all the things affect me a lot and they always have. And I get demotivated and stop caring about everything, which just makes my addiction to blasting music on my headphones and badly dancing even stronger. I'm scared of it happening again. But I've never been this sick of it all, I feel like I won't go down without a fight anymore. So I ask in the text once more, can I truly be broken beyond repair, or can I break all the chains tying me down? Because I want to know if I should just abandon all hope and embrace the tradition and insanity along with it, or just run and not look back.
If you have read all of this, I am very grateful to you, hopefully I have been collected enough to construct sentences that make sense, or that it all makes sense overall. Anything is appreciated. I love you all and wish you the best <3

The books, I find, are never truly clear on what people were the most powerful in ancient times.
There were the Vunden, the ancient Vundel, capable of absolutely crazy shit like “moving stars” and it’s implied they were the ones to sink perwyn but meanwhile ancient humanity was a spacefaring civilisation capable of wiping out continents.
My question is which of these are the true great power of the ancient world.

Hello everyone
As the title suggest I’m currently going through an existential crisis and I just don’t know how to deal with it.
I turned 23 recently and it’s like multiple things I’ve been feeling for the past few years suddenly crashed down on me. I haven’t really gotten close to anyone since COVID, I can’t find the interest or feel a connection with anyone, even people that I spent more than a year hanging out with regularly. The only people I’m still close to are my friends from before, but they’re all spread out abroad and I usually only see two of them semi regularly. I haven’t had a romantic relationship with anyone since high school, and have been pretty much celibate for the past four years. I just can’t bring myself to be interested. I feel like I meet people and I immediately feel like I know what I need to know about them and don’t have the urge to get closer (I know this sounds crazy and narcissistic and delusional).
On top of that it’s like I’ve started getting less interested in everything. I don’t read books anymore, I don’t paint anymore, any artistic projects I’ve had have sort of withered away. I know it’s a problem, and I know I should do it to feel more fulfilled but I just can’t bring myself to. It’s like the days slip by me so fast and I don’t know where they go. I wake up and in half a second it’s time for bed. I feel like I’m gonna wake up tomorrow and find that I’m 60 and life will have passed me by and I won’t have even realized. Hell, I feel like I’ve already wasted my life and made nothing of myself.
Rationally I know that’s not true. I’m in college, I’ve had good grades my whole life, I went to really good universities, I’m passing the bar this year, I have great internships already. I’m not saying this to brag I’m saying this because doing things “right” or “being accomplished” does nothing to assuage this feeling. It all just feels so so so empty. Like I’m going with the flow and the prospect of a life working forever, and getting married (if even that) and having kids and then dying just feels horrible and so so discouraging. Like that’s it? That’s life? That’s all we get ??
Anyways I’m freaking out, I don’t know how to get this feeling to stop and to start enjoying things again. If anybody can help that would be wonderful.
Thank you for your time

I am kinda over all of the girl in fighting issues, esp. b/c it's all based around Her, who was a total POS. I was thinking about what I'd like to hear about (instead of the breakdown of every single scene) and was wondering what you guys would want to hear about? I'd like to hear more info about:
* what every day looked like with more details
* specific stories about the drama and not just random griping about women who were basically there for the same reasons, such as specific mean girl incidences that took place
* celebrities who were there - even if they have to have code names & we can guess them
* plastic surgeries & procedures they had & what that looked like - did they get chauffeured to the plastic surgery office & come back home to recuperate?
* how they were able to cope long term with living in that situation in the mansion with all of the demands he put on them & more insights about themselves - such as did they read self help books, just self medicate w/alcohol/drugs, and so on?
What do you guys think would improve the podcast? I know I'd like it if it was less blow by blow of scenes we've seen and more behind the scenes with less negative energy towards other women (unless they have specific stories, such as a time they all went out & someone did something really crazy).

Chapter 1

Concept art for Sybil
Of Men and Ghost Ships, Book 1: Chapter 19
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As Alen woke up from the procedure, his view was taken up by lots of tools and instruments and, of course, the woman in red. At least she seemed somewhat satisfied this time. "All his vitals are stable. Give him a few minutes for the last of the anesthesia to wear off, and he should be good to send back."
Alen tried to sit up, got light-headed, and laid back down. Instead, he looked over at the woman in red. "So it's done? You cut off my foot and replaced it?"
The woman's glare was icy cold as she answered. "I saved your life and gave you a temporary replacement for a mangled limb, yes."
Alen felt a little embarrassed, realizing how he must have sounded. "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to imply I wasn't grateful. It's just a lot to take in, you know? But I appreciate everything you did for me and all." Then, realizing he didn't even know what to call her, he added. "Oh, I'm sorry, I just realized I don't know your name."
A little of the ice seemed to melt as the woman folded her arms. Her expression now looked bored, if anything, but somehow Alen felt like he was less on her bad side than a moment ago. "Yes, well, you may call me Sybil, and you're welcome, I suppose. Now, try sitting up again and see if you can put some weight on your new foot so I can see if there are any needed adjustments."
Alen sat up a little slower this time, and the world seemed content to stay in place. After another moment, he grabbed hold of a rail and eased himself down onto his feet, one of which was now shiny and metallic. As soon as it made contact with the ground, he felt a jolt shoot up through his leg and into his spine, and he immediately took all his weight off the foot and raised it, noticing it was heavier than before as he did so.
The woman in red gave him an indecipherable look. "Too much pain for you to handle?"
Alen shook his head. "Not pain exactly...but it felt...I don't know...wrong, I guess? It's kind of hard to describe..."
The woman tilted her head. "Kind of like it's asleep but not quite, right?"
Alen eased his foot down again and nodded. "Something like that, yeah..."
With a nod, the woman seemed satisfied. "That's to be expected. Now try taking a few steps while holding onto the railing for balance."
Alen took a few steps, and while his foot felt wrong, it got easier with every step. The woman nodded. "Alright. I'd recommend using a walking cane for a day or two until you get comfortable with the feeling. You may feel some pain from time to time, and there are several therapies we can use to deal with that, but for now, I want you to focus on learning to walk with your temporary foot."
A new voice Alen wasn't familiar with spoke up from behind him. "Huh, I didn't know you had such a nice bedside manner. Does that mean I just have to break a leg to get on your good side?"
Alen turned around to see a much more around-the-edges man watching. He looked like he might be a bit overweight, but Alen could tell under any fat also sat a considerable amount of muscle. The woman's voice dripped with acid as she responded to the man. "A polite cockroach is a more tolerable cockroach. You should try giving more respect if you want to receive it!"
The man chuckled. "I'd say right back at you, but that'd be starting a fight we don't have time for, so how about we call it a draw for now and move on. Now, how about we get you back to your friends, kid."
Remembering something the woman had said earlier, Alen turned back to her. "Wait, you mentioned therapies? Shouldn't you tell me about them now if I'm leaving the ship?"
The man shook his head. "Yeah, about that kid... Your stay has been somewhat extended. I'll explain as we walk." He then turned to Vanessa, who'd apparently been observing from the corner for a while. "You too. Erik is back with the rest of your people."
Vanessa nodded. "Then I shall accompany you."
-
As Carter explained the situation, the kid seemed quiet. He just shrugged it off as the kid was probably focusing on walking with his new foot and cane, but the kid spouted off as soon as he finished. "We have to go back and get them!"
Carter shook his head. "Even if the pirates haven't already picked them up, there's too many ships for us to deal with now. Sorry, but it's too late."
The kid didn't seem ready to give up as he glared at Carter. "You shouldn't have left them back there to begin with!"
Realizing the kid had been through a lot recently, Carter decided to take it a bit easy on him, but he still took a slightly harsh tone to drive home what he was about to say. "Listen, kid, as much as you wish it wasn't so, in this universe, 'should' and 'can' very rarely match up as much as you'd like. We did our best and gave the pirates a bloody nose on the way out, but you all shouldn't have picked that fight to begin with. If you want to blame someone for your troubles, blame your captain. Although I'd say he's already paid the price for his choices. So how about you just say thanks for saving your ass, and we move on, eh kid?"
The kid was quiet a moment before he responded, his voice sounding less confrontational than a moment ago. "Fine... thanks for saving my ass. But stop calling me kid. My name is Alen."
Carter nodded. "That's fair, Alen. Anyway, you seem to have gotten on one of Sybil's good sides, or at least as good a side as I've seen that part of her have, so I might put you in charge of making any requests your people might have while you're our guests. Think you're up to it?"
The kid, Alen, looked back at Vanessa, who didn't seem to have much to add, before turning back to Carter. "I guess? How long are we gonna be here, though? Can't you just drop us off at a nearby planet or station?"
Carter chuckled. "If only it were that easy. Try asking some of your more...experienced sailors about the Sybil. They might have an interesting story or two for ya! Don't worry too much, though. We'll do our best not to live up to all the stories."
That seemed to have distracted Alen enough so that he shut up for a bit, and they walked in silence the rest of the way.
-
Carter looked at the hold full of people. Well, full might have been an exaggeration. Even with the escape pods, they didn't take up a whole lot of room. In the end, they'd only pulled in about half the stranded crew on time, but they still outnumbered the Sybil's "crew" of one many times over, which meant some precautions needed to be taken.
As Alen rejoined the rest of his crew members, Carter stepped forward and raised his voice to be heard over the din of the bay. "Attention crew of the Trader's Vigilance. I am Carter, Captain of the Sybil on which you now reside. Some of you, particularly the older sailors, might be familiar with some of the stories about the Sybil. You might have been told that she's haunted and that no living person who's ever set foot in her halls has ever been seen or heard from again. I'll be honest with you; those stories are more true than not. However, this time, and this time only, the Sybil has agreed to make an exception to that second bit so long as you play by her rules!"
Of course, it was Erik who raised his hand to ask a question. Carter nodded toward the large alien. "Yes?"
Of course, the crazy alien was grinning. "You speak about your ship as though she is alive. Even more so than most captains!"
Carter nodded. "That's because she is! I'll say this, the Sybil can be temperamental, cruel, and even sadistic at times! You do NOT want to get on her bad side! Even I can't save you if you're stupid enough to do that!"
There was more than a bit of grumbling in response, and Carter held up his hands to get their attention. "Now, like I said, you all get a one-time exemption to that, so long as you play by her rules. They are as follows."
Carter held up a hand with the index finger pointing up. "First, during your stay here, you will be allotted access to one deck, including rooms to sleep in, a mess hall, bathrooms, and even a rec room, even if it's a little bare bones. You are not to leave that deck without my direct permission for any reason. Doing so WILL put your health, sanity, and life in extreme peril!"
More grumbling, and Carter held up his hand with two fingers raised. "Second, as long as you remain our guests, all weapons and armor must be left in the escape pods! If, for some reason, you wish to do any maintenance on them, you must do so within the confines of your pod. Removing weapons from the pod will be punishable by your immediate eviction from the ship, with or without your escape pod! And if there is any question about the Sybil's ability to detect weapons, let me tell you that right now, eleven of you have guns on your person, fifteen have knives, and thirteen of you have other weapons of less common or otherwise improvised design."
This time, the grumbling was louder, but Carter cut them off. "If you don't like that, you are welcome to remain in your escape pods as long as you prefer, and we'll arrange for food to be brought to you!"
A bit of the grumbling died down, and Carter decided to finish things up and raised his third finger. "Third and final, if something that seems like an AI appears and issues any order or commands to you, you are to obey those orders immediately and without question. They will not issue orders merely on a whim, but they do not have to explain their reasons either. Remember, you are their guests, and they are granting you a rare exception to their usual policy of not allowing outsiders to set foot within their halls. You'd do best to stay on their good side. Is that clear?"
This time, the mumbling went on a bit longer, and Carter allowed it for a moment before speaking again. "Alright. Those of you who want to remain in your pods are welcome to do so. The rest of you who currently have weapons on your person, please deposit them into your escape pods, and I'll take you to your deck."
There was a flurry of movement. Unsurprisingly, no one wanted to stay in the pods alone aboard a ghost ship. However, a moment later, Carter received a report from the girl through his earpiece. He walked up to one of the men and addressed them. "Excuese me, mister..?"
The man straightened up and even gave Cater a salute. Something that didn't sit too well with him. "Harris, sir!"
Carter nodded. "Well, mister Harris, I'm going to assume that you just forgot about the pocket knife you have in your lower cargo pocket on your pants and that you did not retain it with malicious intent, but you'll want to deposit it into your escape pod immediately."
The man, Harris, patted his pocket and grinned sheepishly enough that Carter couldn't tell if it was an act or not. "Of course, sir! My apologies!"
Carter just shook his head. "Don't apologize, just don't do it again. I won't be able to save you if you break a rule a second time."
The rest of the stranded crew sorted out their issues in relatively short order, and Carter led them to their temporary housing area.
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Well, sounds like almost all of the characters have gotten to know each other. Now to see how well they all get along!
My Wiki has all my chapters and stories, including the short series and stories that I write for an occasional change of pace or style!
As a reminder, "Of Men and Dragons" Books 1 and 2 are available to purchase in e-book or physical form. (Both softcover and hardcovers are available!) Book 3 is almost done being edited, so I'll just have to get the cover art and formatting done, and it will be available to purchase as well! Hopefully, in no more than a month or two! (Barring more Amazon drama like last time... fingers crossed!)
OMAD Book 1: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09NCPP3PP
OMAD Book 2: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CQ7FQ1ZJ

https://twitter.com/ValentinaForSOS/status/1789843564177838145?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1789843564177838145%7Ctwgr%5E25c49680c56aa26ffb8feaafaba201d3e7d9769b%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.huffpost.com%2Fentry%2Fvalentina-gomez-weak-gay-video_n_66447a58e4b0411bd6ff59f3
Saw this vid, seems she has some pretty extreme views, additionally she used a flamethrower to burn some LGBTQ books. Everything about her campaign seems to be culture war on steroids, divisive, anti free speech nonsense.
Though I appreciate people on this sub may beg to differ.
So I wondered… what are the short clips of ‘crazy’ democrats doing the rounds in conservative circles?
Legit democrat campaign vids your friends might share to show how ‘far gone’ you feel the democrats have gone. Can you match this Valentina Gomez woman?
Also… if I’m being unfair on Gomez, or if there’s more of a tongue in cheek aspect to her videos, and I should take her more seriously, let me know too.

I 34F have some concerns about my husband of 3 years M34 health. He is stubborn and won't see a Dr or do anything about his health. His blood pressure is outrageously high (systolic 178), he's putting on weight and keeps getting flare ups of gout.
I've been battling for over a year to get him to actually see a Dr and follow up on some of these issues before things get worst.
A couple of weeks ago i was at the clinic myself and noticed that one of the gp's is an absolutely gorgeous 10/10 blonde bombshell of a woman who seemed to have a bubbly personality.
As a last ditch effort I booked my husband in for an appointment with her hoping that a bit of sex appeal might be the only way to actually get him to follow up on his issues. I put on the crazy wife act to get him in there for the first appointment and it seems to have worked because he's doing really well with following up, sticking to his care plan and voluntarily taking some blood pressure medication while getting his diet back on track.
Is this the wrong way to go about helping him get a bit healthier? Can anyone propose any other ways to help my husband look after his health a bit more?

I won't disclose its actual location, so if that's why you're here, sorry to disappoint. It's not time for that yet. However, I do think it's time to start getting the word out. I've noticed an increase in what I'll call "Antennas" lately, or people who can detect cross-planar phase shifts. Without getting into all the math (some of which I don't even know), this is basically a phenomenon which refers to entropy seeping into our universe from other realms or universes or whatever you want to call it. Simply put, people think our universe is a closed system to entropy, meaning that the disorder of any variable in our universe can only increase or decrease in direct proportion to other variables in that same system (the universe). Under this precept, we can establish rules like the Laws of Thermodynamics, and for most people, they're effective. But not for Antennas.
Put another way, if you throw a bunch of bouncy balls into a box, there are a number of different configurations that the balls could take on, with different speeds and magnitudes. You can calculate all of those if you have the right numbers. Now let's say you throw in another set of balls that you don't consider in your calculations of the initial set. Well, then you're not going to get an accurate picture of what's happening. Most people only see the first set and calculate based on that, but some people can see two, three, four or more sets.
You'll understand the concept better when I tell you the story, but I wanted to give you a primer on an important concept that will help you understand why this place, which I'll call "Area X", exists, and what the goals of the people who work there are.
Also note that I'm going to be using the alias "Trent" moving forward. Please refer to me as such in any direct messages.
***
Eighteen years ago I started working as an independent Home Inspector. I dropped out of community college after my first semester (not because I didn't find some of the subjects interesting, but because deference to a man or woman has never been my style) and started working some odd jobs. I did construction work for a couple years, then plumbing. I even drove a garbage truck for six months. I've always found pleasure in using my hands, and getting dirty was never a problem for me. Still, having a boss really dragged ass, so I spent my free time working on creating my own business. It took a few years and lots of savings, but I finally managed to get basic set of Home Inspection equipment: Tyvek coveralls, a cheap half-face respirator, voltage & AFCI/GFCI testers, CO2 and radon monitors, an IR camera, and telescoping mirrors in addition to the boots, safety glasses, electric gloves, ladder, and toolkits I already had on hand.
My buddy at the time was in the business, but he was moving off to the coast, so he helped me get set up and even introduced me to some of his clients. Of course, by that time I had already gotten my State license, but I still was a bit apprehensive to work with insurance agencies. I thought I could make a living working independently, inspecting for mold or sizing up a house for a prospective buyer. Eventually, though, I realized I should probably take every job available to me.
Easing into the business went about as well as it could have. The clients my friend referred to me were very satisfied with my work, and I was able to retain them. Then, in order to increase my reach, I hired someone on Fiverr to build a website for my company which led to a marked increase in traffic and conversions. About six months through, I began to get on a first-name basis with the boys and girls down down at Allstate and Progressive, and they fed me some of the bigger cases. In fact, I got so booked by year's end that I had to hire someone to help manage my schedule and the Excel spreadsheet with all my finances. I capped off a successful year with a 5-star Google rating and a trip to Ireland to visit some family and friends and get piss drunk. When I got back, it was the grindstone all over again, until the summer when I discovered… well, you'll see.
First off, I want to say that I was never one to believe in the paranormal. I grew up watching the movies and hearing the ghost stories round the campfire like every other kid, but it never struck a chord with me. If I can't touch it or see it or hear it, does it really exist? Probably not. So don't go thinking this was a scared man seeing his own shadow. That being said, I had this sense that something was off about this house when I parked along the curb and looked through a large window, perhaps two times the size of my van, to a dingy, dark foyer.
The entire neighborhood was stacked with upper-middle class domiciles, though it seemed like only two thirds of them were occupied, mostly by professionals who commuted to the City every weekday, and the rest were empty. As a man who understands real estate, to say this was strange would be an understatement. Still, I had no problem appraising the mini-mansion for a couple of newlyweds looking to enter the community. I did some research on the property ahead of time, and it seems that it was owned by a couple of old timers who had gone off the grid some time ago. The water and electric bill were both unpaid dating back to 2004 (it was June of '06 now). The bank had repo'd the house (which only had about 100k left on it) and held it for a year and a half before putting it back on the market. I tried to find out more about the old couple who vanished, but there was nothing in the news.
I stepped out of the van in my coveralls and grabbed my suitcase which had my mask, gloves, and eye protection in it. I liked to do a preliminary survey first, running an eye test on the exterior then interior before bringing out the big guns (that way I could identify the areas where I think there could be problems instead of running a metal detector over the whole damn ocean seaboard). I was about to do just that when the window caught my eye again. It felt uncharacteristic of me to be so occupied with this window, but I detoured to the front porch and peeked inside anyway.
Most of the furniture had already been moved out, meaning all that was left was a single three-seater couch, a couple candlesticks on the fireplace mantle, a pristine chandelier overtop a dining room table, and the kitchenware: an oven, gas stovetop, marble countertops, and an island. I could see into the living room very clearly with the afternoon light, but the dining room was dim enough that there were a few structures I couldn't quite make out in the distance. One of them appeared to be some kind of china cabinet or bookshelf—I figured it was the former considering where it was located. The other shadow looked kind of like a grandfather clock. Or at least that's what I thought until it moved.
When I say it "moved", I don't mean to say that it picked up and walked away. If you're not familiar with the Necker Cube, I suggest you search it up, because that kind of illusion is the best way to describe what I saw. At first I was seeing the grandfather clock in a certain way—pushed into the corner of the room—and the next second my vision "corrected" and it was maybe five feet to the left of its former position. I shook my head and looked again and saw the grandfather clock in its second orientation, standing in the center of the room against the wall. I figured I was just seeing things, but even so I spent a little extra time dawdling around the Egress window, taking notes, and delaying the interior inspection.
When I finally grew a pair and went inside, I walked straight to the dining room. Sure enough, the grandfather clock was stowed away in the corner of the room. I spent a couple minutes watching it with my pencil and travel notebook out. I'm the kind of guy that likes to collect hard data when the chips are down. Unfortunately, the clock apparently already had enough fun and was content with sweating me. Oh, well.
I fitted my pencil behind my ear and pocketed my travel notebook, then flipped the rest of the first floor lights on and completed my prelim. I concluded that everything was pretty standard. If anything, the house was in better shape than I'd expect considering it presumably hasn't been lived in for a couple years. I say "presumably" because one can never count out squatters, even during those times. Mainly I was expecting more dust build up and cobwebs than there were. Perhaps someone from the department had come by recently. It's unlikely, but possible.
I did the same check upstairs and it came back mostly clean. There was a bit of staining near the attic I wanted to check for mold. Based on its color, it was probably just a minor case of Aspergillus, but better safe than sorry. Then I got to the basement, and, well, let's just count out the idea of anyone dropping by. I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't what I found.
The first thing that caught my eye was the long, slender body of a birch tree lying pale and dead across a large portion of the even larger unfinished basement's cement flooring. I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn't dreaming, but, yep, there it was. Its crown was sealed up in the wall with only its trunk hanging out, which made me think of those medieval pillory devices which locked up people's heads and arms. Then confetti-scattered around the tree and all over the basement floor was a minefield of broken glass and ceramic tangled up with a set of random objects. And when I say random, I mean random. There was an unfurled Somali flag (the blue one with a single star in the center), some packaged drinks and condiments branded with all sorts of different languages (I could only make out Gaelic and Chinese or Japanese, I couldn't quite tell), a broken dome-shaped security camera, an otoscope (the thing the doc uses to check your ears), Hot Wheels cars (okay that one isn't so strange), and the list goes on.
At that moment, I wasn't freaked out or disgusted. I was more or less just confused. I started walking through the rubble, trying to avoid the sharp fragments but pretty confident that my steel toed boots would crush most the pieces anyway, when I heard a clink just up ahead. I was able to spot the coin in time, just before it jingled to a halt atop an old Life magazine. I picked it up and noted right away its oval shape and bronze color—clearly not American made. I tried reading it, but not only was the language not English, it appeared to be so old that most of the lettering had been filed down. I looked up at the ceiling to see if it dropped from a shelf, but there was nothing that could have been holding the coin. I considered for a moment, looking around at the other junk, and had the crazy idea that maybe all this stuff just appeared here. I popped the coin in my pocket and headed back to the van when I stopped by the tree and realized something. It wasn't a birch tree—it was a palm tree. I just didn't realize because of how ashy and decayed the bark was.
Now at this point you might think I've been acting a little nonchalant for such a strange occurrence, and I don't blame you, but if you're gonna stick around with me that's just something you're gonna have to get used to. I guess I was just born with a screw loose, but I really don't scare easily, and I tend to look at everything pragmatically. If you dig deep enough, you'll always find another plausible explanation. That being said, I do want to get to the part about Area X, so let me give you the rundown on what I learned about this basement.
I ended up trekking back to the van and picking up my gear. I was no longer running the routine inspection, obviously, but I figured I might as well throw 30 thousand dollars of scanning equipment at whatever the fuck anamoly existed in that basement. Most of it came back negative. There was a bit higher-than-usual EM interference as picked up on the voltmeters, but nothing that screamed danger close. Still, it was enough for me to set up my volt testers and IR camera while muddling through the rest of the junk. I won't bore you with another list of items, but I did find one thing of value: a diamond necklace. And not just any diamond necklace, it was one of those Queen-wearing, multi-row, big-jeweled necklaces like out of some Historical Fiction movie from the thirties. I almost didn't pocket it because I'm used to expensive items being owned by someone… someone who might want it back. But I figured if there was ever a place the finder's keeper's rule applied, it was probably in this Quantum graveyard.
7 O'clock rolled around and I hadn't eaten. I'm a pretty bulky guy, carrying my share of both muscle and fat, and most people think that means I need to eat a ton but that's really not the case. Mostly I just get dehydrated easily, especially in the summer. That said, I was bordering on famished territory and considered heading out for a bite when I heard another sound. The first thing I did was check my scanners, and sure enough the voltage needle was fully spun to the right side of the dial. EM interference. Then I went to see what had dropped. I was able to pick the object out pretty quickly since I had spent the last 6 hours staring at the mosaic of a basement floor. It was a silver briefcase, like one of those out of a crime novel, and it was cracked open.
I had this sense then that I was standing at a precipice, and if I opened the briefcase and looked inside, I wouldn't be able to stop whatever would come afterwards. Part of me deep down knew that I was just that type of guy that had to know, and maybe this was my Hamlet moment where it would be a trait gone a step too far. But then again I didn't really believe in any of that sentimental bullshit, so I opened the briefcase.
The gun surprised me a little, but not as much as the piece of paper laid atop a case file reading in large black font, "FIND ME". I expected the envelope to have some missing person file in it, but instead there were all these schematics and blueprints for some kind of device. Whatever it was, it was pretty massive. Some of the lengths were hundreds of meters long. And what's more strange is based on the blueprint's locale, it appeared to be underground. I looked back through the pages a couple times, then checked the note—nothing strange there. The gun appeared to be a simple glock. I was no gun expert, but I had been to the range pretty regularly with my construction buddies, so I got used to the feel of a pistol and rifle and some of the different names; however, I realized pretty quickly it wasn't your standard glock when I couldn't find mag-release. That's when I noticed how light the gun felt. I tried to chamber a round, but again, there was no hammer. What the hell kind of gun was this?
I ended up throwing everything back in the briefcase, including the necklace, coin, and a few Koozies I found that were branded with one of my favorite sports teams (never let an opportunity go to waste). I put up all my shit back in the van and spun over to a local burger joint, got my fill, and went home. I made sure to draft an email to the prospective buyers, telling them the house had several patches of black mold and a bit of a rat problem before drifting off to sleep. Although I really didn't do much of that.
When I woke up, I took a cold shower and downed a can of Reign, then commuted to my gym and got a lift and some sauna time in before making the trip back to the house. I brought some extra supplies with me for some experiments I cooked up while not sleeping the previous night.
First, I had two camcorders set up on a couple tripods in either corner of the basement. I wanted clear footage of these mystery objects spawning in. Then I set up a voltmeter in a similar fashion, but I had a wire extending out of it on a circuit which fed to an alarm that would blare when the reading was over 250 volts. Upstairs, I rearranged some of the furniture so that the small number of tables, chairs, clock, cabinets, and other little pillows or vases I could find were scattered across the living room, dining room, and kitchen. Then I pulled up a lawn chair to the front porch window and waited.
I didn't have to wait long though. In about a minute, I started to notice some of the objects moving. It was strange. When a few of them would shift simultaneously, it was like looking at a holographic card that would change shape depending on where your eyes were in relation to the image. Every time I saw a shift, I felt an awkward feeling in my eyes. They went blurry for a fraction of a second, then there was a twinge of pain, as if my brain couldn't handle the contradictory stimulus. It didn't get more crazy than that though—until the alarm went off.
I had cracked open the small rectangular window in the basement to the side of the house so I would hear it. It took four hours and several strange stares from passersby walking their dogs before it rang, so I was a bit lost in my thoughts, but when I heard the beep I perked up fast. It lasted for maybe 5 seconds total, but what I saw was truly miraculous. The best way I can describe it is a pool of silver or gray or translucent light emerging in the foreground between me and the objects in the different rooms. A series of twisting tentacles sprouted from the gray octopus-like head and spun in a way that reminded me of that little kids ride at the amusement parks. Then the objects started to "heat up" is the way I describe it. Their position became relative, meaning they were here one second, there another, then they popped out of existence entirely. Suddenly the rooms were all empty, then they were full of things I had never seen before. Then five seconds passed and the octopus vanished and it was back to the same old objects in their usual places.
It took a few minutes to process what I saw, and even then I wasn't sure I really saw it. I went inside and looked around at my distribution of the house's furnishings. They were all there, intact. Then I went downstairs to check the cams. I rewinded a couple minutes and played it back, but there was no flying object to be found. Instead, there was some gray static that lasted half a second and then the object, a kid's treasure chest toy, was there on the ground. But you want to know the really strange part? I rewinded the tape again, and when I watched the footage back, the treasure chest was always there.
I later came to understand that these poppings in-and-out of our reality are only conceivable to a conscious mind that can track the interference patterns—not rote computational instruments. In fact, even most people can't do it (although everyone has at least a slight awareness of it, even if only subconsciously). Plus, locations like the basement of this house are very rare and kept under tight lock. That became obvious to me two days later when, after my normal morning routine, I pulled up to a driveway and curbside filled with unmarked government vehicles. Either bravely or stupidly, I pulled up to a few officers (they were wearing suits in 85 degree weather, so I assumed…) who were idling by the large fence of crime scene tape and asked them what the score was.
"There was a crime," said the short man with a unibrow.
"Oh, is that right? Damn shame. Someone break in? I have a niece who lives nearby, so…"
The man looked at his two compatriots, both of whom were wearing sunglasses and a "get this civilian fuck out of here" expressions. "Oh, yeah," he started in a reassuring tone that was so condescending it would have annoyed anyone except me, "we found a body. We think it was a homicide. Best to keep your kids away from here for a while."
I thumbed the stubble on my chin, my other hand outstretched on the wheel, and considered moving on, but my mouth had other ideas. "That right? But uh, isn't this house vacant? I mean, I don't remember no one living in it."
The short man, now tall with temper, said, "Yeah, some squatters. We think there was a dispute over some drug money. Nothing for you to worry about though, we got it under control. Now if you wouldn't mind moving along, we have a lot of work to do."
Oh, I'm sure you do, I thought, but only said, "Of course, sir, sorry for keeping you from your job." Then I rolled up the window and cruised on, keeping my eyes on the house which slowly diminished in the side-view mirror.
Luckily I had been smart enough to break down my camp and lug home all my equipment each night, so I didn't leave anything incriminating. I didn't move the furniture back, so maybe that would come back to haunt me, but considering the kind of shit going down in that house, I didn't think they would notice.
For any of you wondering about the conclusion of the house story, I went back a couple weeks later after the suits had left and the tape was taken down and confirmed that not only was the basement entirely cleaned out, but it was no longer exhibiting any strange properties. I looked for a story related to the house, maybe a made up murder of some kind, but there was nothing. That bastard lied to me and didn't even bother to cover his story up.
Now, in the aftermath of an event such as this, I really only had one of two options. I could forget it, move on, continue living life. The necklace was surely worth a fortune. I could sell it and have enough to retire, or at least hire enough people and expand my business large enough to retire within ten or so years. Or I could take all that money and invest it in my own PI business with only a single objective: finding out what those people knew, and why they were hiding it.
I think you know me well enough by now to guess which line of reasoning appealed more to me.
***
For the sake of brevity, I'm going to omit most of my encounters along the journey to discovering Area X. There's a lot to tell, and if it appeals to you perhaps I'd be willing to share at a later date, but for now I want to get this part of the story, the more proximal part, out in the open.
Three years ago, I discovered the source of what I'll call "The Receiver". This is the device that was schematized in the documents that I found in the briefcase. What it does is a complex answer, and how it does it is pretty much all speculation, but here's what I've been able to find out: this universe we live in is a node in a network of many other spaces. These spaces exist in higher dimensions that we cannot directly perceive, but using a conceivable analogy, just think about a flower with petals. The petals are these other dimensions which bleed into our world, which is at the center. However, it's not that pretty. We see the physical world through the lens of spacetime: sizes, speeds, etc. These other dimensions don't necessarily have space or time. In fact, what actually exists there, I couldn't say. The only data I have on them is from two sources: correspondence information and server data from the secret agency (which I'll call "the Organization") that keeps this under wraps, and first-hand experience with realms from these other entities, either directly (I experience it) or through the eyes of someone else with the same or greater abilities than I possess.
I referred to these people with abilities earlier as "Antennas", and I will continue to use the term. Antennas really come in three flavors, marked by the strength of their ability: weak Antennas, like me, are able to observe spontaneous interactions between our universe and other dimensions (phase shifts) when there is a strong force of collision like existed in the basement; moderate Antennas may see phase shifts occur at any point, and they usually are able to retain memories from across the different transformations; strong Antennas, and I don't know if they exist yet, but they are able to consciously interact with these other realms and cause phase shifts to occur.
I mentioned that moderate Antennas are able to retain memories from before and after a phase shift. Technically, all Antennas have this ability, but it's about degree. I can recall only very specific instances and without much detail. Moderates are usually able to pick out much more nuanced minutiae. At the lower end of moderate scale, most of those details fade or get fuzzy over time, but for the very strong Antennas, they hold onto almost everything. One other property that scales with strength is interaction with other conscious entities. Only a small percentage of moderates are able to do this. What's interesting is that these entities can possess (yes, like ghosts) people who aren't even antennas, but no one is aware of such possession at this deep of a level. I have several companions now, and only two have had interactions with these otherworldly beings. Not all of them are malevolent, some of them are whimsical or kind, but there are a fair share of demons out there.
Getting back to the point, Area X started as a government funded project in the 70's. At that time, they were focused on a few subjects: Artificial Intelligence, DNA sequencing, and psychedelics. Yes, they were part of the infamous LSD experiments. But they looked at these subjects through a common lens—there was something that the burgeoning tech industry, fueled by the advent of a commercial computer market, was missing. As the tech giants rose in the early 2000's and began to collect mass amounts of data, this other agency was decades ahead in a different metric, although it was completely (and still is) hidden from the public. Their efforts to understand psychedelic experiences led to a formalized method of understanding interactions between multiple realities. They built certain scanning equipment to detect anomalies like the one I found in the basement; although their tools were much more sophisticated and didn't utilize voltage readings. Then they ran tests in these areas. One area in particular is a hot-bed of phase shift interactions. That's where Area X is located (and the Receiver).
The Receiver is a giant electromagnetic orb that has trapped the kind of multi-dimensional energy that causes the phase shifts; since the Organization seized control of the lab, it's effectively become a map of the Earth in relation to these other worlds. For the past twenty or so years, the Organization has been studying this map, using the data big Tech companies have collected to essentially develop a Rosetta Stone for interpreting the meaning of the fluctuations in their scanning equipment. Recently, the public, though going the long way round, was actually pretty close to a breakthrough in this same department until recently when ultra-powerful LLMs surfaced, and the whole world began going down what I'd argue is the wrong rabbit hole of language processing. But I digress.
Area X is essentially a private military base built for defending the most impactful piece of technology ever invented. With the Receiver, the Organization now has the power to essentially predict any and all future outcomes, the only thing holding them back is the limitations of their own scanning equipment which will get better with time. To put it into perspective, the Organization has access to a kind of data allocation tool which in one day can produce over ten thousand times that the Big Data companies combined would be able to filter through in the next decade. You might think, then, that the problem is merely asymmetric power, and that is certainly a concern, but it isn't the main concern. The main issue is that this organization is actively recruiting (and kidnapping) Antennas from around the world in an effort to find or make one of them into a strong Antenna. In other words, they want a subject who is able not only to see the future, but to manipulate it at will.
balance to the world. I've been working on amassing resources, capital, and building my own team, and now I'm ready. You might ask why I'm posting this here. Wouldn't it be better to keep all this secret? Well, yes, it would be. But that's the problem. Nothing is secret anymore. They know about me and the others, and if I don't make a move, they will. In a way, this is a letter directly to the organization that I know, and I'm coming.
In a different way, I wanted to release this information to the public. There are lots of people out there waking up and realizing that the world they experience is not the one others experience. If you think you might be an Antenna, don't be afraid—you have a special gift that can be controlled. If you want more details on how to control it, or if you're interested in my mission, don't be afraid to reach out. This hasn't always been my life's work, but it is now.
At least until I die.

I won't disclose its actual location, so if that's why you're here, sorry to disappoint. It's not time for that yet. However, I do think it's time to start getting the word out. I've noticed an increase in what I'll call "Antennas" lately, or people who can detect cross-planar phase shifts. Without getting into all the math (some of which I don't even know), this is basically a phenomenon which refers to entropy seeping into our universe from other realms or universes or whatever you want to call it. Simply put, people think our universe is a closed system to entropy, meaning that the disorder of any variable in our universe can only increase or decrease in direct proportion to other variables in that same system (the universe). Under this precept, we can establish rules like the Laws of Thermodynamics, and for most people, they're effective. But not for Antennas.
Put another way, if you throw a bunch of bouncy balls into a box, there are a number of different configurations that the balls could take on, with different speeds and magnitudes. You can calculate all of those if you have the right numbers. Now let's say you throw in another set of balls that you don't consider in your calculations of the initial set. Well, then you're not going to get an accurate picture of what's happening. Most people only see the first set and calculate based on that, but some people can see two, three, four or more sets.
You'll understand the concept better when I tell you the story, but I wanted to give you a primer on an important concept that will help you understand why this place, which I'll call "Area X", exists, and what the goals of the people who work there are.
Also note that I'm going to be using the alias "Trent" moving forward. Please refer to me as such in any direct messages.
***
Eighteen years ago I started working as an independent Home Inspector. I dropped out of community college after my first semester (not because I didn't find some of the subjects interesting, but because deference to a man or woman has never been my style) and started working some odd jobs. I did construction work for a couple years, then plumbing. I even drove a garbage truck for six months. I've always found pleasure in using my hands, and getting dirty was never a problem for me. Still, having a boss really dragged ass, so I spent my free time working on creating my own business. It took a few years and lots of savings, but I finally managed to get basic set of Home Inspection equipment: Tyvek coveralls, a cheap half-face respirator, voltage & AFCI/GFCI testers, CO2 and radon monitors, an IR camera, and telescoping mirrors in addition to the boots, safety glasses, electric gloves, ladder, and toolkits I already had on hand.
My buddy at the time was in the business, but he was moving off to the coast, so he helped me get set up and even introduced me to some of his clients. Of course, by that time I had already gotten my State license, but I still was a bit apprehensive to work with insurance agencies. I thought I could make a living working independently, inspecting for mold or sizing up a house for a prospective buyer. Eventually, though, I realized I should probably take every job available to me.
Easing into the business went about as well as it could have. The clients my friend referred to me were very satisfied with my work, and I was able to retain them. Then, in order to increase my reach, I hired someone on Fiverr to build a website for my company which led to a marked increase in traffic and conversions. About six months through, I began to get on a first-name basis with the boys and girls down down at Allstate and Progressive, and they fed me some of the bigger cases. In fact, I got so booked by year's end that I had to hire someone to help manage my schedule and the Excel spreadsheet with all my finances. I capped off a successful year with a 5-star Google rating and a trip to Ireland to visit some family and friends and get piss drunk. When I got back, it was the grindstone all over again, until the summer when I discovered… well, you'll see.
First off, I want to say that I was never one to believe in the paranormal. I grew up watching the movies and hearing the ghost stories round the campfire like every other kid, but it never struck a chord with me. If I can't touch it or see it or hear it, does it really exist? Probably not. So don't go thinking this was a scared man seeing his own shadow. That being said, I had this sense that something was off about this house when I parked along the curb and looked through a large window, perhaps two times the size of my van, to a dingy, dark foyer.
The entire neighborhood was stacked with upper-middle class domiciles, though it seemed like only two thirds of them were occupied, mostly by professionals who commuted to the City every weekday, and the rest were empty. As a man who understands real estate, to say this was strange would be an understatement. Still, I had no problem appraising the mini-mansion for a couple of newlyweds looking to enter the community. I did some research on the property ahead of time, and it seems that it was owned by a couple of old timers who had gone off the grid some time ago. The water and electric bill were both unpaid dating back to 2004 (it was June of '06 now). The bank had repo'd the house (which only had about 100k left on it) and held it for a year and a half before putting it back on the market. I tried to find out more about the old couple who vanished, but there was nothing in the news.
I stepped out of the van in my coveralls and grabbed my suitcase which had my mask, gloves, and eye protection in it. I liked to do a preliminary survey first, running an eye test on the exterior then interior before bringing out the big guns (that way I could identify the areas where I think there could be problems instead of running a metal detector over the whole damn ocean seaboard). I was about to do just that when the window caught my eye again. It felt uncharacteristic of me to be so occupied with this window, but I detoured to the front porch and peeked inside anyway.
Most of the furniture had already been moved out, meaning all that was left was a single three-seater couch, a couple candlesticks on the fireplace mantle, a pristine chandelier overtop a dining room table, and the kitchenware: an oven, gas stovetop, marble countertops, and an island. I could see into the living room very clearly with the afternoon light, but the dining room was dim enough that there were a few structures I couldn't quite make out in the distance. One of them appeared to be some kind of china cabinet or bookshelf—I figured it was the former considering where it was located. The other shadow looked kind of like a grandfather clock. Or at least that's what I thought until it moved.
When I say it "moved", I don't mean to say that it picked up and walked away. If you're not familiar with the Necker Cube, I suggest you search it up, because that kind of illusion is the best way to describe what I saw. At first I was seeing the grandfather clock in a certain way—pushed into the corner of the room—and the next second my vision "corrected" and it was maybe five feet to the left of its former position. I shook my head and looked again and saw the grandfather clock in its second orientation, standing in the center of the room against the wall. I figured I was just seeing things, but even so I spent a little extra time dawdling around the Egress window, taking notes, and delaying the interior inspection.
When I finally grew a pair and went inside, I walked straight to the dining room. Sure enough, the grandfather clock was stowed away in the corner of the room. I spent a couple minutes watching it with my pencil and travel notebook out. I'm the kind of guy that likes to collect hard data when the chips are down. Unfortunately, the clock apparently already had enough fun and was content with sweating me. Oh, well.
I fitted my pencil behind my ear and pocketed my travel notebook, then flipped the rest of the first floor lights on and completed my prelim. I concluded that everything was pretty standard. If anything, the house was in better shape than I'd expect considering it presumably hasn't been lived in for a couple years. I say "presumably" because one can never count out squatters, even during those times. Mainly I was expecting more dust build up and cobwebs than there were. Perhaps someone from the department had come by recently. It's unlikely, but possible.
I did the same check upstairs and it came back mostly clean. There was a bit of staining near the attic I wanted to check for mold. Based on its color, it was probably just a minor case of Aspergillus, but better safe than sorry. Then I got to the basement, and, well, let's just count out the idea of anyone dropping by. I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't what I found.
The first thing that caught my eye was the long, slender body of a birch tree lying pale and dead across a large portion of the even larger unfinished basement's cement flooring. I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn't dreaming, but, yep, there it was. Its crown was sealed up in the wall with only its trunk hanging out, which made me think of those medieval pillory devices which locked up people's heads and arms. Then confetti-scattered around the tree and all over the basement floor was a minefield of broken glass and ceramic tangled up with a set of random objects. And when I say random, I mean random. There was an unfurled Somali flag (the blue one with a single star in the center), some packaged drinks and condiments branded with all sorts of different languages (I could only make out Gaelic and Chinese or Japanese, I couldn't quite tell), a broken dome-shaped security camera, an otoscope (the thing the doc uses to check your ears), Hot Wheels cars (okay that one isn't so strange), and the list goes on.
At that moment, I wasn't freaked out or disgusted. I was more or less just confused. I started walking through the rubble, trying to avoid the sharp fragments but pretty confident that my steel toed boots would crush most the pieces anyway, when I heard a clink just up ahead. I was able to spot the coin in time, just before it jingled to a halt atop an old Life magazine. I picked it up and noted right away its oval shape and bronze color—clearly not American made. I tried reading it, but not only was the language not English, it appeared to be so old that most of the lettering had been filed down. I looked up at the ceiling to see if it dropped from a shelf, but there was nothing that could have been holding the coin. I considered for a moment, looking around at the other junk, and had the crazy idea that maybe all this stuff just appeared here. I popped the coin in my pocket and headed back to the van when I stopped by the tree and realized something. It wasn't a birch tree—it was a palm tree. I just didn't realize because of how ashy and decayed the bark was.
Now at this point you might think I've been acting a little nonchalant for such a strange occurrence, and I don't blame you, but if you're gonna stick around with me that's just something you're gonna have to get used to. I guess I was just born with a screw loose, but I really don't scare easily, and I tend to look at everything pragmatically. If you dig deep enough, you'll always find another plausible explanation. That being said, I do want to get to the part about Area X, so let me give you the rundown on what I learned about this basement.
I ended up trekking back to the van and picking up my gear. I was no longer running the routine inspection, obviously, but I figured I might as well throw 30 thousand dollars of scanning equipment at whatever the fuck anamoly existed in that basement. Most of it came back negative. There was a bit higher-than-usual EM interference as picked up on the voltmeters, but nothing that screamed danger close. Still, it was enough for me to set up my volt testers and IR camera while muddling through the rest of the junk. I won't bore you with another list of items, but I did find one thing of value: a diamond necklace. And not just any diamond necklace, it was one of those Queen-wearing, multi-row, big-jeweled necklaces like out of some Historical Fiction movie from the thirties. I almost didn't pocket it because I'm used to expensive items being owned by someone… someone who might want it back. But I figured if there was ever a place the finder's keeper's rule applied, it was probably in this Quantum graveyard.
7 O'clock rolled around and I hadn't eaten. I'm a pretty bulky guy, carrying my share of both muscle and fat, and most people think that means I need to eat a ton but that's really not the case. Mostly I just get dehydrated easily, especially in the summer. That said, I was bordering on famished territory and considered heading out for a bite when I heard another sound. The first thing I did was check my scanners, and sure enough the voltage needle was fully spun to the right side of the dial. EM interference. Then I went to see what had dropped. I was able to pick the object out pretty quickly since I had spent the last 6 hours staring at the mosaic of a basement floor. It was a silver briefcase, like one of those out of a crime novel, and it was cracked open.
I had this sense then that I was standing at a precipice, and if I opened the briefcase and looked inside, I wouldn't be able to stop whatever would come afterwards. Part of me deep down knew that I was just that type of guy that had to know, and maybe this was my Hamlet moment where it would be a trait gone a step too far. But then again I didn't really believe in any of that sentimental bullshit, so I opened the briefcase.
The gun surprised me a little, but not as much as the piece of paper laid atop a case file reading in large black font, "FIND ME". I expected the envelope to have some missing person file in it, but instead there were all these schematics and blueprints for some kind of device. Whatever it was, it was pretty massive. Some of the lengths were hundreds of meters long. And what's more strange is based on the blueprint's locale, it appeared to be underground. I looked back through the pages a couple times, then checked the note—nothing strange there. The gun appeared to be a simple glock. I was no gun expert, but I had been to the range pretty regularly with my construction buddies, so I got used to the feel of a pistol and rifle and some of the different names; however, I realized pretty quickly it wasn't your standard glock when I couldn't find mag-release. That's when I noticed how light the gun felt. I tried to chamber a round, but again, there was no hammer. What the hell kind of gun was this?
I ended up throwing everything back in the briefcase, including the necklace, coin, and a few Koozies I found that were branded with one of my favorite sports teams (never let an opportunity go to waste). I put up all my shit back in the van and spun over to a local burger joint, got my fill, and went home. I made sure to draft an email to the prospective buyers, telling them the house had several patches of black mold and a bit of a rat problem before drifting off to sleep. Although I really didn't do much of that.
When I woke up, I took a cold shower and downed a can of Reign, then commuted to my gym and got a lift and some sauna time in before making the trip back to the house. I brought some extra supplies with me for some experiments I cooked up while not sleeping the previous night.
First, I had two camcorders set up on a couple tripods in either corner of the basement. I wanted clear footage of these mystery objects spawning in. Then I set up a voltmeter in a similar fashion, but I had a wire extending out of it on a circuit which fed to an alarm that would blare when the reading was over 250 volts. Upstairs, I rearranged some of the furniture so that the small number of tables, chairs, clock, cabinets, and other little pillows or vases I could find were scattered across the living room, dining room, and kitchen. Then I pulled up a lawn chair to the front porch window and waited.
I didn't have to wait long though. In about a minute, I started to notice some of the objects moving. It was strange. When a few of them would shift simultaneously, it was like looking at a holographic card that would change shape depending on where your eyes were in relation to the image. Every time I saw a shift, I felt an awkward feeling in my eyes. They went blurry for a fraction of a second, then there was a twinge of pain, as if my brain couldn't handle the contradictory stimulus. It didn't get more crazy than that though—until the alarm went off.
I had cracked open the small rectangular window in the basement to the side of the house so I would hear it. It took four hours and several strange stares from passersby walking their dogs before it rang, so I was a bit lost in my thoughts, but when I heard the beep I perked up fast. It lasted for maybe 5 seconds total, but what I saw was truly miraculous. The best way I can describe it is a pool of silver or gray or translucent light emerging in the foreground between me and the objects in the different rooms. A series of twisting tentacles sprouted from the gray octopus-like head and spun in a way that reminded me of that little kids ride at the amusement parks. Then the objects started to "heat up" is the way I describe it. Their position became relative, meaning they were here one second, there another, then they popped out of existence entirely. Suddenly the rooms were all empty, then they were full of things I had never seen before. Then five seconds passed and the octopus vanished and it was back to the same old objects in their usual places.
It took a few minutes to process what I saw, and even then I wasn't sure I really saw it. I went inside and looked around at my distribution of the house's furnishings. They were all there, intact. Then I went downstairs to check the cams. I rewinded a couple minutes and played it back, but there was no flying object to be found. Instead, there was some gray static that lasted half a second and then the object, a kid's treasure chest toy, was there on the ground. But you want to know the really strange part? I rewinded the tape again, and when I watched the footage back, the treasure chest was always there.
I later came to understand that these poppings in-and-out of our reality are only conceivable to a conscious mind that can track the interference patterns—not rote computational instruments. In fact, even most people can't do it (although everyone has at least a slight awareness of it, even if only subconsciously). Plus, locations like the basement of this house are very rare and kept under tight lock. That became obvious to me two days later when, after my normal morning routine, I pulled up to a driveway and curbside filled with unmarked government vehicles. Either bravely or stupidly, I pulled up to a few officers (they were wearing suits in 85 degree weather, so I assumed…) who were idling by the large fence of crime scene tape and asked them what the score was.
"There was a crime," said the short man with a unibrow.
"Oh, is that right? Damn shame. Someone break in? I have a niece who lives nearby, so…"
The man looked at his two compatriots, both of whom were wearing sunglasses and a "get this civilian fuck out of here" expressions. "Oh, yeah," he started in a reassuring tone that was so condescending it would have annoyed anyone except me, "we found a body. We think it was a homicide. Best to keep your kids away from here for a while."
I thumbed the stubble on my chin, my other hand outstretched on the wheel, and considered moving on, but my mouth had other ideas. "That right? But uh, isn't this house vacant? I mean, I don't remember no one living in it."
The short man, now tall with temper, said, "Yeah, some squatters. We think there was a dispute over some drug money. Nothing for you to worry about though, we got it under control. Now if you wouldn't mind moving along, we have a lot of work to do."
Oh, I'm sure you do, I thought, but only said, "Of course, sir, sorry for keeping you from your job." Then I rolled up the window and cruised on, keeping my eyes on the house which slowly diminished in the side-view mirror.
Luckily I had been smart enough to break down my camp and lug home all my equipment each night, so I didn't leave anything incriminating. I didn't move the furniture back, so maybe that would come back to haunt me, but considering the kind of shit going down in that house, I didn't think they would notice.
For any of you wondering about the conclusion of the house story, I went back a couple weeks later after the suits had left and the tape was taken down and confirmed that not only was the basement entirely cleaned out, but it was no longer exhibiting any strange properties. I looked for a story related to the house, maybe a made up murder of some kind, but there was nothing. That bastard lied to me and didn't even bother to cover his story up.
Now, in the aftermath of an event such as this, I really only had one of two options. I could forget it, move on, continue living life. The necklace was surely worth a fortune. I could sell it and have enough to retire, or at least hire enough people and expand my business large enough to retire within ten or so years. Or I could take all that money and invest it in my own PI business with only a single objective: finding out what those people knew, and why they were hiding it.
I think you know me well enough by now to guess which line of reasoning appealed more to me.
***
For the sake of brevity, I'm going to omit most of my encounters along the journey to discovering Area X. There's a lot to tell, and if it appeals to you perhaps I'd be willing to share at a later date, but for now I want to get this part of the story, the more proximal part, out in the open.
Three years ago, I discovered the source of what I'll call "The Receiver". This is the device that was schematized in the documents that I found in the briefcase. What it does is a complex answer, and how it does it is pretty much all speculation, but here's what I've been able to find out: this universe we live in is a node in a network of many other spaces. These spaces exist in higher dimensions that we cannot directly perceive, but using a conceivable analogy, just think about a flower with petals. The petals are these other dimensions which bleed into our world, which is at the center. However, it's not that pretty. We see the physical world through the lens of spacetime: sizes, speeds, etc. These other dimensions don't necessarily have space or time. In fact, what actually exists there, I couldn't say. The only data I have on them is from two sources: correspondence information and server data from the secret agency (which I'll call "the Organization") that keeps this under wraps, and first-hand experience with realms from these other entities, either directly (I experience it) or through the eyes of someone else with the same or greater abilities than I possess.
I referred to these people with abilities earlier as "Antennas", and I will continue to use the term. Antennas really come in three flavors, marked by the strength of their ability: weak Antennas, like me, are able to observe spontaneous interactions between our universe and other dimensions (phase shifts) when there is a strong force of collision like existed in the basement; moderate Antennas may see phase shifts occur at any point, and they usually are able to retain memories from across the different transformations; strong Antennas, and I don't know if they exist yet, but they are able to consciously interact with these other realms and cause phase shifts to occur.
I mentioned that moderate Antennas are able to retain memories from before and after a phase shift. Technically, all Antennas have this ability, but it's about degree. I can recall only very specific instances and without much detail. Moderates are usually able to pick out much more nuanced minutiae. At the lower end of moderate scale, most of those details fade or get fuzzy over time, but for the very strong Antennas, they hold onto almost everything. One other property that scales with strength is interaction with other conscious entities. Only a small percentage of moderates are able to do this. What's interesting is that these entities can possess (yes, like ghosts) people who aren't even antennas, but no one is aware of such possession at this deep of a level. I have several companions now, and only two have had interactions with these otherworldly beings. Not all of them are malevolent, some of them are whimsical or kind, but there are a fair share of demons out there.
Getting back to the point, Area X started as a government funded project in the 70's. At that time, they were focused on a few subjects: Artificial Intelligence, DNA sequencing, and psychedelics. Yes, they were part of the infamous LSD experiments. But they looked at these subjects through a common lens—there was something that the burgeoning tech industry, fueled by the advent of a commercial computer market, was missing. As the tech giants rose in the early 2000's and began to collect mass amounts of data, this other agency was decades ahead in a different metric, although it was completely (and still is) hidden from the public. Their efforts to understand psychedelic experiences led to a formalized method of understanding interactions between multiple realities. They built certain scanning equipment to detect anomalies like the one I found in the basement; although their tools were much more sophisticated and didn't utilize voltage readings. Then they ran tests in these areas. One area in particular is a hot-bed of phase shift interactions. That's where Area X is located (and the Receiver).
The Receiver is a giant electromagnetic orb that has trapped the kind of multi-dimensional energy that causes the phase shifts; since the Organization seized control of the lab, it's effectively become a map of the Earth in relation to these other worlds. For the past twenty or so years, the Organization has been studying this map, using the data big Tech companies have collected to essentially develop a Rosetta Stone for interpreting the meaning of the fluctuations in their scanning equipment. Recently, the public, though going the long way round, was actually pretty close to a breakthrough in this same department until recently when ultra-powerful LLMs surfaced, and the whole world began going down what I'd argue is the wrong rabbit hole of language processing. But I digress.
Area X is essentially a private military base built for defending the most impactful piece of technology ever invented. With the Receiver, the Organization now has the power to essentially predict any and all future outcomes, the only thing holding them back is the limitations of their own scanning equipment which will get better with time. To put it into perspective, the Organization has access to a kind of data allocation tool which in one day can produce over ten thousand times that the Big Data companies combined would be able to filter through in the next decade. You might think, then, that the problem is merely asymmetric power, and that is certainly a concern, but it isn't the main concern. The main issue is that this organization is actively recruiting (and kidnapping) Antennas from around the world in an effort to find or make one of them into a strong Antenna. In other words, they want a subject who is able not only to see the future, but to manipulate it at will.
balance to the world. I've been working on amassing resources, capital, and building my own team, and now I'm ready. You might ask why I'm posting this here. Wouldn't it be better to keep all this secret? Well, yes, it would be. But that's the problem. Nothing is secret anymore. They know about me and the others, and if I don't make a move, they will. In a way, this is a letter directly to the organization that I know, and I'm coming.
In a different way, I wanted to release this information to the public. There are lots of people out there waking up and realizing that the world they experience is not the one others experience. If you think you might be an Antenna, don't be afraid—you have a special gift that can be controlled. If you want more details on how to control it, or if you're interested in my mission, don't be afraid to reach out. This hasn't always been my life's work, but it is now.
At least until I die.

كنت حكيت كذا مره هنا عن مشاكل بتقابلني بس المره دي هحكي عن حاجه مختلفه انا من مثلا كام سنه كنت بتعب تعب مالوش معني وكنت اكشف عند كذا دكتور. W all is good it's just colon W kda W take some medicine and all will be good however this is not the case, W it turned out enha nfsya akt ma hya 3odwya W Kan da bsbb l sho8l W kollya SBT l sho8l W 5lat kollya W all better but then I lost some of my hair and beard bec of another work l7d ma zbt Kolo W ro7t sho8l less stressful W all good However there was the other part that I ignored.............. My family.......... I started to have hearing problems and my hair quality again and beard ... I go for checkups and they say it is good. W it's psychological and needs Psychotherapist W the doctor after the checks told me you are fine it's anxiety Most of my problems are from my family and having the responsibility of something not related to me bsbb l family... I thought of moving however I am afraid 😣 afraid of failure or saving something and losing another I can pay the rent BS prices are crazy kda kda
One step I made is that I booked a session with a Psychotherapist as a step و مش عارف اعمل ايه تاني انا ساعات لما بيحصل مشكله هنا بترعش ويبقي قلقان وقلبي مقبوض
حاسسني بضيع

... sorry, I didn't mean to write a book. but it did feel good.
tl;dr wife is unhappy in our marriage and wants to separate; our home and place where our son has grown up isn't where she needs to be for her mental health, but she wants 50% minimum custody. We can work out all the financial aspects, but I'm opposed to uprooting him from his childhood home, school and friends and moving back to from is NOT conducive to my own mental health. Even if I was okay with uprooting him, I'm not okay with only seeing him 4 days a month, which is what she offered if I stay here.
Wife (38F) and I (39M) have been together for 14 years, married for almost 10 (10th anniversary is next month... ugh..). The first five years of our relationship were dreamy.
We did the thing where we tried to decide our entire lives up front. Got married, got pregnant, moved to a new city to be closer to her sister, bought our first house. She was going to try to go to nursing school and the plan was for her to eventually take the reins financially for a while so I could find a more resonant line of work. Had our whole future planned out and it was going to be peachy.
We moved and our house was a total lemon (but of course the inspection report was squeaky clean).. like, foundation crumbling, infestations of termites and fleas, roof failing, finished basement flooding, asbestos inhibiting any repairs, ... it would be easier if I asked you to name a problem and I could tell you if we didn't have it.
At the same time, my job became unbearable, giving me daily panic attacks. Then our son was born, and the birth was horrific. Son ended up in the NICU, she ended up with an unmedicated triple episiotomy, the works. Super traumatizing. My job was only going to give me two weeks of parental leave, which with the intensity of it and everything else going on, wasn't going to work. So I quit to spend those first months at home.
We thought we had a good friend and support network, but as soon as we became "those people" with a kid and responsibilities, a large number of them abandoned us.
It became clear she wouldn't be able to go to nursing school, and I took on the full financial responsibility, and along with a lifetime of good old fashioned American patriarchy brainwashing, I tried to put on the stoic provider hat, dealing with all the house repairs (no prior experience), training myself and making connections to get a new job, and trying to show up as a dad and friend as best I could.
I succeeded at the provider parts of the equation, but failed as a partner. She asked basic things of me ("can you please make one meal a week?" -- I didn't, and don't even remember it). We got the house fixed, and agreed to move to a smaller town an hour outside the big city- great! Everyone from the big city loves this small town, I'm happier because I have access to things that I know are good for my mental health, everything's good right?
Except it wasn't. Apparently, she secretly didn't want to move, but decided to go along with it for my sake. As things stabilized, my mental health improved, and I doubled down on my unfulfilling career as it became clear that she wasn't going to contribute financially and I NEEDED an exit.
Meanwhile, she was feeling isolated, building resentment, and begging for my attention, which I did give to her, but not in the quantity and ways she needed. She still maintained the public image "we're just not city people" even as she spent increasing amounts of time back in the city, finding communities she found more resonant. I was happy to see her finding her own outlets, as they gave me time to invest in my hobbies and decompress from my stressful job.
I finally reached a point where I felt like I could disengage from my unfulfilling career while still feeling financially stable, but by then it was too late. She was feeling traumatized, unfulfilled, isolated, resentful and pretty much done with the relationship. I sensed her slipping away and reacted with my own trauma reactions rooted in my fear of abandonment. I started snooping on her even though she never gave me any reason not to trust her.
We entered couples counseling as it became clear the damage was relationship-threatening, and I think she was pretty much already done by the time we started, but I was panicking and trying desperately to save my marriage and family. I embraced radical empathy, deeply accepted her point of view, which cast me as possessive bordering on emotionally abusive, engaged in self-discovery and self-work, which still continues, made every effort to correct behavior and admit fault, to no avail. Too little, too late for her.
So, here we are. We've still managed to raise a crazy well-adjusted son, with high emotional intelligence. We've built a homestead farm in a stunning geographic location. I feel like I'm now the perfect piece to complete a puzzle that's in flames. I can show up in all the ways she no longer is receptive to. She wants to move back to the city to be near the community that carried her through the rough years, and she wants to take our son with her.
I have faith we can figure out all the financial details. I have no desire to hurt her or prevent her growth. If we didn't have a kid, it would be clear- she'd move back to the city, be close to her sister and our friends, and I'd stay on the farm and build where I've found resonance. But our kiddo (9M) is the sticking point. She agreed (in writing) to hang on for a year at the farm while I get an apartment 20m away to keep him in his school and home and to split parenting duties 50/50. I signed a lease and wired $13k to pay six months rent up front (housing is INSANELY scarce and competitive where we live-- this was the only way to make sure I got it). I triple-checked with her to make sure it was OK. I'm devastated at her deciding to leave and I don't want to leave the farm, but I thought she'd at least be able to maintain continuity with the things she'd be building there.
Then, she comes back to me last night and says she needs to go to the city for her own mental health. WTF!?? I've been RACING to catch up to her in the need to separate, fighting my own urges to beg her to stay, respecting her need for space, bending over to make it easier for her. And we're already $13k in the hole for this apartment that she no longer wants me to move to. She was expecting me to just either say "OK, I'll cancel the lease. You can move to the city and take our son with you, and I'll accept minimal custody," or "I'll move to the city with you guys and uproot myself and our son from what we know and feel as resonant."
I'm trying SO HARD to meet her where she wanted me to be and to be supportive of the separation. I want her to be OK mentally and financially, but holy FUCKING FUCK this is breaking me. I'm a GREAT dad. I can't only see my son FOUR DAYS a month. We have already told him he'll be able to go back to fourth grade. I've already signed a lease and accepted this diminished, shitty version of the life I wanted... and now this. How do I handle this? 😭

So I think I’ve had a spiritual awakening. I thought I was the happiest I’d ever been, and said okay now that I’m so happy i’m going to explore other aspects of myself.
So I started practicing with some Tantra person for fun, and I feel like it opened up like this whole other dimension of life and another world where I realized I was NOT the happiest I’ve ever been, I’m actually knees deep in eating disorder with some anxiety, depression, and nervous system deregulation that has just been my normal. What I misspoke for being the happiest I’d ever been was super fake of me and actually I think just not being in complete survival mode anymore. (1 1/2 yr before this I had a complete mental health break tw suicide / deep depression and isolation and I am free of those thoughts now). I have (and had at the time) a strong support system but like most struggled to tell them and pretended to be normal when I wasn’t okay.
Okay anyways, this tantra guy that I randomly happened to meet through divine synchronicity (and my inner knowing) is super activated, in tune, and I honestly feel like this person understands me more than I understand myself, and I just know I was meant to meet him to deliver a message deep within myself. He’s spoken to me in depth about the universe and our souls and I didn’t even think I was spiritual and now I feel very spiritual like nothing has ever made more sense to me, but I’ve also never been so sure yet confused overwhelmed and lost.
I was on a health journey and am now on a healing journey. I’m needing to heal. I am not currently practicing with this person and it has been a time for deep self reflection... I wanted to start tantra so that I could feel things in my body because I’m so in my head. I have a lot of energy in my mind. When I am able to get out of my mind, i think maybe it is kundalini but I don’t really know or understand yet. I did some ecstatic dancing and felt like my soul was just glowing and so happy. I felt that while practicing with that person at times too. It’s like my mind is finally turned off and I love it. I loved ecstatic dancing a lot. I’ve also screamed into pillows.
I read the untethered soul and I really want to live untethered. I am a perfectionist with black-and-white thinking that has felt very overwhelmed by all of the tools to heal…and wanting to timeline or do everything at once to heal which is not working and leaving me feeling chaotic as stated above.
I would usually consider myself self-aware and self critical, but I’m having a lot of symptoms of anxiety and depression all at the same time not being able to identify exactly where they are coming from. It was actually neat to be around such an elevated soul, and being real with myself that I am not living my most authentic life but at least having the awareness of that just kind of lost on how to get out of my head and more into the present moment
I am trying hard to take an honest inventory of where this is all rooted. I am also an overthinker and I think I’m having a hard time letting go. I’m wildly insecure and i’ve basically always felt like everyone is better than me or more worthy.
I started to listen to an inner child meditation and felt like this gulp in my throat and almost tears. It was really weird. The gal started saying like “ I’m sorry I abandoned you. I’m sorry you felt that way. I’m sorry that was for you. I’m sorry you went through that. I’m sorry you didn’t feel like I was here for you, but I’m here for you now.” I am trying hard to reconnect with my body and feel things and let them pass through me and then detach so I can just stay present. I also want to be confident and have more self worth.
I don’t know if I have trauma stored in my body or if my mind is just so filled with overthinking. I had a super chaotic childhood and it’s always really weird when friends talk to me about their childhood because I really have like barely any memories and really don’t even think about it until my friends talk about certain things and I’m thinking gosh I have no recollection no memory of that time in my life at all really. I have been able to piece together that I have abandonment wounds and somehow managed to marry (divorced now) a man just like my biological father, even though he was never in my life.
I know my emotional state heavily influences my physical body or maybe it’s vice versa? I am just trying to feel both authentically... I guess either way I just don’t really know what to do because I feel so overwhelmed. Is this the start of the healing journey? Or maybe I am healed and just need to get out of my head. Did anyone experience anything like this in the beginning or am I just crazy? Or maybe I am healed and just need to get out of my head. Thanks for reading my rant, I don’t know if any of this even made sense I feel crazy lol.
Any advice on recommended healing practices or books/podcast are also greatly appreciated. I’m learning a lot about spirituality, souls, my soul, and energy etc. while clearly have a lot to still learn lol! Thanks again 😊💗

So these ideas have been floating around in my mind for sometime.
First: Imu-sama was Joyboy's first mate
Imu convinced his crew to betray joyboy (Every time joyboy is mentioned, there is always an apology or mention of betrayal from his companions (Elephant + Robot). I believe the betrayal as due to Lily Nefertari being in love with Joyboy and Imu-sama was jealous. -- seems mundane and maybe not all Oda-like but its the best idea that comes to mind when it comes to Imu, Vivi's picture, and the giant straw hat big enough to fit on a Buccaneer's head. Or he could just a be a space alien with crazy powers and homunculus 5 Elder planets in love with a sand princess. (Probably more likely - but I like the idea of Imu and Joyboy having a relationship beyond just enemies)
Second: Buggy is the son of Rock D Xebec and the brother of Mount Dour Linlin.
Now, we all love Buggy (I have the same birthday as Buggy. Suck it nerds!) and this idea is a stretch but... Clown people are a race.. Here me out.. they are and Buggy is one. Now the only other character that looks like a clown with a red nose is Mount Dour (Big Mom book guy) Who was born almost a year after God Valley (And Big mom makes alliances with boinking.) And Rocks D Xebec has the same facial profile as Mount Dour. Meaning, Rock D. Xebec maybe of the Clown race based on very likely evidence of Big Mom's thirstiness. (Hold on, we are almost there). Buggy is one year older than Mount Dour, meaning his conception and birth occurred right before God Valley. Since we don't know Buggy's origin, my thought,... Buggy is Rock D Xebec son. After Rocks died at God Valley, Roger visited Beehive Island and adopted Buggy, and it would circle around to when Roger asks Garp to adopt Ace.
Third: Luffy's mom is the previous Snake Empress who is a direct descendant of Lily Nefertari
(This is dependent on Lily Nefertari landing on Amazon Lily and founding the Amazon tribe.)
Now this one is a wild guess based on a few things. First, the previous Pirate Empress fell into a love sickness with someone, the same as Boa did for Luffy. Previous Snake Empress left due to her love sickness and never returned. My thought is she fell in love with Dragon and died either during Child birth or shortly before Luffy was given to Garp. It is a good chance if she left 19 years ago. (Boa became empress 13 years go. Which is not that much time relatively and the Amazons are self sufficient when Boa is not around.), It's an option. I think it's a good one.
Well those are my three (and likely completely incorrect) ideas.

As seen from several posts, yesterday in Charlotte was a complete shitshow due to severe storms. I was flying CAE - CLT - PHL. Arrived in CLT at 3:30pm with a connection at 4:39, that was originally delayed 30 min. I'm EXP and have the CC so I went into the AC to wait out the delay and that's when the craziness hit. Huge storms rolled in and caused a ground stop, the plane that I was supposed to take to PHL was diverted to CAE (Ironically) and never made it due to further delays and the pilot timing out. I got the cancel notification and within 2-3 minutes got an update on the app that I was rebooked on the 8:14pm to PHL that was at that time delayed 40 minutes. Weather continued and the 6:15pm and 10:25pm PHL flights were canceled but the flight I was on was still active. My flight got pushed out again to 10:00pm. I left the Lounge and went to the gate a few minute before boarding was supposed to start and saw the chaos of delays with the customer service line several hundred ppl deep. Just before we were supposed to board, they canceled the flight, making that the 4th and last flight to PHL to cancel. I was originally pissed since I was on the first flight to cancel but am now 3 canceled flights behind everyone else for rebooking. I called the AA number and got the if you wanna call back in 50-70 minutes press one, to stay on hold press 2, stayed on hold and within 5 min had a rep on the line helping me. She looked at options and originally wanted to put me on CLT - ROC at 10:43pm (flight delayed and didn't wind up getting in until 2:30am) and then a 6am ROC-PHL. While looking at that she said "Oh wait, the system just booked you for tomorrow morning 9:15am CLT - CHS - PHL with a 12:30pm arrival in PHL. So I took that.
I say all of this to show that status matters when shit hits the fan, and most of this was completely out of AA's control. AA did their best to accommodate me as best they could in both situations, and I was able to limit my delay and time spent waiting around. I know my experience was not what many had to endure last night, but if it wasn't for status there is no way I would have been rebooked on the first flight and then again within 15 minutes of the last cancelation. I'm not trying to be an AA apologist, but shit happens and the airline is not out to get you if they cant put you on the very next flight out.