Tic tac toe scare

How do i just code ANYTHING? I have the urge to code and i want to code, but i just do not know wth i should code. I open up VS Code and just stare at it and close it again and go back to playing video games or doing something else. I have some projects under my belt, like tic tac toe, a todo list and some more projects, but these arent projects that are big or anything like that. And i just dont know what to code, in which language to code etc. I made 2 GUI Apps using Java Swing and the rest in C#. I find Java pretty ugly and in C# i feel like the frameworks and libraries arent that good. MonoGame for example has lost its support as nothing has been done to it for the past few years and there arent any alternatives.
So yeah, how can i stop procrastinating and overthinking what language to use, what to code etc and just get into it? What tips do you guys have for me? I appreciate everyone taking their time to help me.

Idk man. Everyone on this reddit is ranting about how their exams didn't go well. In my friend group and I'm centre too from what I heard from others, people are saying their exams went well. Some of them are toe like theirs are all correct. This makes me feel very confused. Personally, my eng and eco went good. Gt and maths didn't. Jitta I know till now, in eng and eco, my one ans in eco is wrong. I haven't checked the answers. I feel very scared. What is the the exam going like on average? How is everyone I am talking to doing good while people here are not?

Among Us server for literally every gamemode.
Server name: ★Among Us Stuff☆
Gamemodes you can share
SNS- Shift N Seek
0CD- 0 Cooldown
Regular- Exactly that
HNS- Hide N Seek
TOH(E) and things like that- Town of host (Enhanced), More roles etc. I dont host these, but if you do, all gamemodes are allowed to be shared.
Basically everything lol
Everyone is allowed, just be mature. A bot in the server is very strict so it should pick up if someone is being toxic or something. ᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼᲼/\ Read the server rules upon joining!
Alot of other stuff without among us. Like some small games like tic tac toe, sketch heads etc.
No NSFW
You may need to do a captcha before joining.
Your account must be over 10 hours old.
Not alot of members yet, mostly some bots to improve it. If you like it feel free to join!

I used to run some shorter trials in regular Nike sneakers but after severe knee pain I decided to quit running for good. It felt nothing like "healthy activity" to me and I was super scared to try it ever again. About a year ago, I switched to barefoot shoes - and my partner suggested I should try running bf. It was an absolute game changer! I can run without pain, injuries, or any discomfort. My feet became strong and knees/ankles are in correct position - naturally. I just received my first Enix sandals (with the string between 1st and 2nd toe like in flip-flops) and would love to run in them during the summer - should I modify my technique while switching to sandals?

I've tried looking through discography lists, Spotify and, to the best of my ability, Melon. If anybody can point out anything that is missing or wrong, I'd appreciate it.
It is ordered by release date. Other artists are bolded and albums that aren't her own are bolded.
 

Song	Artist	Album
Chillin	CRUCiAL STAR, Fana, Heize	Drawing #2: A Better Man
MAKTOOB	Heize	HEIZE
Even the Little Club	Heize	HEIZE
I Know	Heize	HEIZE
After I've Wandered a Bit	Heize,CRUCiAL STAR	HEIZE
Hug Me	Hyobin, Heize	Love Me
My Boyfriend Says Thank You	WHITETEEZ, Heize, Gymjongsoon, ceejay, joomba
Cub	Heize
Pume Sweet Pume	Heize, monokim
Adore me	Tori major, Saero, Heize	Beautiful
Don't stop	Heize, KASPER, Ash-B, HYOLYN, GILME, Ahn Soo Min, YEZI, KittiB,Moon Sua, Yubin, Truedy	Unpretty Rapstar 2
Me, Myself & I	Heize, Jessi, Realslow	Unpretty Rapstar 2
Don't Make Money	Heize, CHANYEOL	Unpretty Rapstar 2 Semi-Final Pt. 1
Lil Something	VIBE, CHEN, Heize
No One But You - Intro	Heize	Don't Come Back
Don't Come Back	Heize, Yong Jun Hyung	Don't Come Back
Blind Date	Vanilla Acoustic, Heize	Sweet chemistry
And July	Heize, DEAN, dj friz	And July
Underwater	Heize	And July
No Way	Heize	And July
Shut Up & Groove	Heize, DEAN	And July
Skit: Rainy Day	Heize	And July
Don't Come Back (Acoustic Version)	Heize	And July
Only U	Yu Seung Woo, Heize
Hello! UFO	Heize, Ko Youngbae	Don't Dare to Dream Soundtrack
Star	Heize
Navigation	DAVII, Heize
Round and Round	Heize, Han Suji	Guardian Soundtrack
WONDER IF	Yong Jun Hyung, Heize
Don't Know You	Heize	/// (You, Clouds, Rain)
Dark Clouds	Heize, nafla	/// (You, Clouds, Rain)
rainin' with u	Heize	/// (You, Clouds, Rain)
You, Clouds, Rain	Heize, Shin Yong Jae	/// (You, Clouds, Rain)
Star (Rain Version)	Heize	/// (You, Clouds, Rain)
Sunday	Groovyroom, Heize, Jay Park	Everywhere
In the Time Spent with You	Heize
Regrets	J.Y. Park, Heize	BLUE & RED
Would Be Better	Heize	Prison Playbook Soundtrack
Jenga	Heize, Gaeko	Wish & Wind
but, are you?	Heize	Wish & Wind
didn't know me	Heize	Wish & Wind
wish you well	Heize, DAVII	Wish & Wind
wind	Heize	Wish & Wind
Sorry	Heize	Wish & Wind
It's Okay	Kisum, Heize
Beautiful	Shin Yong Jae, Heize
Only me	DAVII, Heize
Star's Iris	Heize	Phantomgate: The Last Valkyrie Soundtrack
Blur	Lee Moon Sae, Heize	BETWEEN US
First Sight	Heize
Run to You	Heize
SHE'S FINE	Heize	She's Fine
So, it ends?	Heize, Colde	She's Fine
No Reason	Heize	She's Fine
Dispatch	Heize, Simon Dominic	She's Fine
Hitch Hiding	Heize, Sunwoojunga	She's Fine
But, I am Your Buddy	Heize, DAVII	She's Fine
Umbrella Calls for Rain	Heize, nafla	She's Fine
Tree Only Look at You	Heize, Jooyoung	She's Fine
Doobling	Heize	She's Fine
E.T	Heize	She's Fine
E.T's Letter (Empty Version)	Heize	She's Fine
Hide And Seek	SURAN, Heize	Jumpin'
Traffic Control	GIRIBOY, Heize	100 Year College Course
We don't talk together	Heize, GIRIBOY
Glue	Far East Movement, Transparent Arts, Heize, Shawn Wasabi
Heaven	EDEN, Heize
Can You See My Heart	Heize	Hotel del Luna Soundtrack
Falling Leaves are Beautiful	Heize	Late Autumn
Late Autumn	Heize, Crush	Late Autumn
Diary	Heize	Late Autumn
DAUM	Heize, Colde	Late Autumn
Being Freezed	Heize	Late Autumn
missed call	Heize	Late Autumn
I wanna be your first love	Kim Jina, Heize	First Love
Tic Tac Toe	Paul Kim, Heize, Peakboy	Yoo Flash
Destiny Tells Me	Heize	When the Camellia Blooms Soundtrack
If You Give Your Heart To Me	Heize, Colde	Sugar Man3 Episode 1
I Believe (Shin Seung Hun Cover)	Heize
That's All	Gaeko, Heize	Romantic Doctor, Teacher Kim 2 Soundtrack
Cold	Heize
Lyricist	Heize	Lyricist
Things are going well	Heize	Lyricist
Your name	Heize, ASH ISLAND	Lyricist
1/1440	Heize, Ji Chanel	Lyricist
Not to see you again.	Heize	Lyricist
Love Distance	Jooyoung, Heize
You're cold	Heize	It's Okay to Not Be Okay Soundtrack
Acting	GIRIBOY, Heize	Like A Film: 4 Songs
Can't Sleep	Loco, Heize	SOME TIME
Midnight	Heize, Punch	Do You Like Brahms? Soundtrack
2easy	NIve, Heize
Based On A True Story	Epik High, Heize	Epik High is Here Part 1
RAL 9002	youra, Heize	GAUSSIAN
Doesn't make sense	DAYBREAK, Heize
HAPPEN	Heize	HAPPEN
Like the first time	Heize, GARY	HAPPEN
Flu	Heize, CHANGMO	HAPPEN
Why	Heize	HAPPEN
The Walking Dead	Heize, Kim Feel	HAPPEN
From the Rain	Heize, Ahn Ye Eun	HAPPEN
Hi, hello?	Heize	HAPPEN
Destiny, it's just a tiny dot.	Heize	HAPPEN
Cloudy all day today in Seoul	Heize	*Sketchbook Vol. 68
On Rainy Days (2021) (BEAST Cover)	Heize	Blue Birthday Soundtrack
When it snows	Lee Mujin, Heize
Mother	Heize
walk again	TOIL, Heize, BIG Naughty	Between Sat & Sun
Sleepless	PSY, Heize	PSY 9th
The Last	Heize	Our Blues Soundtrack
Undo	Heize	Undo
Sad ending	Heize, george	Undo
I Don't Lie	Heize, GIRIBOY	Undo
Thief	Heize, MINNIE	Undo
Distance	Heize, I.M	Undo
Love is alone	Heize	Undo
Real LOVE	Heize	Undo
SUPERCAR	Heize	Undo
Traveler	Heize	Undo
About Time	Heize	Undo
Return	Heize
Always be there for you	Heize
November Song	Heize
Dear of the Day	Heize	Themselves Soundtrack
Star (Sleep Mix)	Heize
Ditto (New Jeans Cover)	Heize
Still With You (Jung Kook Cover)	Heize
Vingle Vingle	Heize
Run Away	Heize	BASTIONS Soundtrack
Don't Wanna Go Back	JIHYO, Heize	ZONE
It'll pass	Heize, Jung Seung Hwan
Perhaps, Happy Ending	Heize	Last Winter
Stranger	Heize, 10CM	Last Winter
Last Winter	Heize	Last Winter
Forget Me Not	Heize, BIG Naughty	Last Winter
Picnic of Night	Heize, Chan	Last Winter
Midnight (BEAST Cover)	Heize	Last Winter
FM 89.1	Heize	Last Winter
Loves goes around comes around	Heize	Last Winter
On my mind	Paul Blanco, Heize	Transit Love 3 Soundtrack
Slowly	I.M, Heize
Over (a Hidden Truth)	Heize	I'm The Queen In This Life Soundtrack
Hold Me Back	Heize	Queen of Tears Soundtrack
Where you at	Heize	The Last 10 Years Soundtrack

I don't believe that at all, but I rather ask to be sure. Anytime I confront users about using the technique of "waiting until the end of the timer to play their turn", they always end up making a dramatic post saying that "they were busy, they had to do this so tough task irl and had to leave the match to come back to it later !!!"
It doesn't seem true at all to me, the user who just did that pretended that they had to leave the match to drive to school, but how can you "leave the match", and yet somehow always be playing your turn perfectly at the end of each timer, and suddenly play instantly quicker when I confront you about it in your guestbook ?
Isn't the whole point of this cheating technique that once you leave a match, the other user automatically win ? Why so many cheaters use the "I had to leave cuz I was busy and then came back to finish the match" excuse ? Is this a real thing or another way for them to play victim to their subs ?

I’m so sad and sick of this. I feel so so devastated, why do I have to live with this. I feel so weak, I have mild Tourette’s but I already have two injuries from it that I can’t treat because I can’t ever stop injuring myself from this disorder ( shoulder pulling and ankle twisting) I will trade the world for freedom from this. When I was ten and already had Tourette’s I started having a snoring tic, which is probably my most noticeable one, it eventually faded within a year or two and this past month it came back so much worst. I hate this, my throat is sore and dry and I’m interrupting classes. I’m so scared I will always suffer from this tic, I thought I could live with this disorder but know I’m just not sure. Please don’t tell me it’s not a big deal and that there’s worst cases. I’m in university on the route to be a clinical psychologist and this disorder might steal all my dreams. :(

Hi, I'm a beginner who just started learning to skate about a month ago. I've been learning on an old Walmart board my sister used to skate on, and while I've been able to learn basic foot stance and even tic tacs pretty well, the board doesn't go very far when I push. I tried replacing the bearings on them, but it didn't really fix the issue
I've thought about replacing the wheels, but I feel that the cost of replacing the parts would be equal to just getting a new board on eBay or something. The only reason I haven't bitten the bullet yet on getting a new board though is because I don't know if skating will be a long-term hobby. What would be the best course of action here?
TL;DR - learning to skate on a Walmart board hasn't been fun, should I just replace the parts on the board or buy a new one and have a better foundation to learn on?

Hello!
I’m in the midst of making a 2024 wrapped slideshow to show to my social media sheltered partner at the end of the year.
I don’t want to fall behind but I am already behind.
Here’s what I have so far.
January- Gypsy rose release, plane loses door, alien in Miami, mean girls the musical, Amelia Earhart plane found? Yes and comes out, Barbie snubbed at Oscars, Stanley vs hydroflask
February- tay swift travis Kelsey, wonka experience fail,
March- tic tac toe politician, gypsy rose divorce, 7/11 hotdog flavored water, p diddy scandal,
April-
May- drake vs Kendrick, nyc Dublin portal,
If you can add anything I missed or fill in the blanks I’d super appreciate it.
Thanks in advance!

TRIGGER WARNING- describing tics in detail
I’m wondering if this is more just my experience or if it is common in the feeling that triggers tics. I (23f) started noticing my tics around 10 or 11 years old. And at the time, as obviously tics as a child are not easy to fully understand, remember clearly how/when the unbearable and uncomfortable feelings would manifest in my body and cause me these tics that are still variations of the same ones to this day . And how it felt for me personally, and still does feel, was like whatever part of my body was being effected was feeling like it needs to be stretched or separated - pulled apart?
For example- I would roll my eyes back and/or feel the need to stretch my top and bottom eye lids far apart because the urge feeling felt like my eye lids HAD to be stretched or separated. Now I still do this a lot of times and also make a slight popping sound at the same time. It feels like I need to let air into my eye lids.
Or I would stretch my arm /arm pit into a weird position cause it felt like I wanted to feel a separation from my armpit / arm from my body. And that manifested into me shrugging my shoulders and twisting my back so much that my shoulders/ribs constantly make a LOUD clicking noise every time I have that tic (which is all day every day). It feels like I just want to rip my shoulders and arms off my body
And I would bend my back backwards trying to crack it and roll my neck so much in circles to satisfy this release as if I’m trying to to separate every bone and joint to create space between. And spreading my fingers and toes apart and cracking All my fingers.
And as far as vocal tics for me personally, I don’t tic words but throat clearing ,sniffing, sounds, uncomfortable breathing, etc; idek how to explain it but it almost feels Iike the same feeling of just wanting to scream or scratch and itch in my throat or rip it out of my neck.
Basically what I’m trying to say is I’ve always noticed that it seems like my tics are all routed from the same original feeling/cause - of wanting to just jump out of my own skin. And ik Tourette’s can look and feel different for everybody. But is this how anyone else would describe the discomfort of tics or does this make sense to anyone ?

Hey guys, I learnt python via a free youtube video course. I am now planning to start a simple gui tic-tac-toe game. But how do I start? In order to make the project, I have to learn another framework called tkinter. So do I learn the whole tkinter library on youtbe or other platform. Do i just google up "how to make a tic-tac-toe game in python" (I did so but i didnt look into the code cuz it'd feel like im not learning anything but plainly memorising.)
So how do i exactly start a project

So I’ve been playing with these flavors I got usually tea with tea and the others with the other non tea
So I got myself some BHB+GGF which is just ggf with some coconut notes. Then I made some cursed energy+Lean. Which taste like lean with some sweet blue raspberry tones and imma call it hollow purple. I decided to mix a tiny bit of them in a cup 1:1 and made some weird af sour tic tac type flavor. I need to know if anyone else got some weird quad or triple flavor mixes and what they are

Hi, I'm a beginner who just started learning to skate about a month ago. I've been learning on an old Walmart board my sister used to skate on, and while I've been able to learn basic foot stance and even tic tacs pretty well, the board doesn't go very far when I push. I tried replacing the bearings on them, but it didn't really fix the issue
I've thought about replacing the wheels, but I feel that the cost of replacing the parts would be equal to just getting a board on eBay or something. The only reason I haven't bitten the bullet yet on getting a new board though is because I don't know if skating will be a long-term hobby. What would be the best course of action here?
TL;DR - learning to skate on a Walmart board hasn't been fun, should I just replace the parts on the board or buy a new one and have a better foundation to learn on?

Que eu saiba.. ninguém vive no planeta terra mais que 150 anos..
Estamos aqui só de passagem, tu já percebeu o quão rápido passa a vida?
Esses 100 anos que tu vive no Planeta Terra, são 100 anos de tortura, 100 anos de incertezas, traições, mentiras, dores, injustiças, percas, não sabe se Deus existe ou se é só um personagem fictício, etc, etc.. são 100 anos de sofrimento, alguns coloca "maquiagem na vida" pra deixar as incertezas, percas, dores.. mais leve, deixar o sofrimento de lado..
Encare a vida, os teus 100 anos, como uma Prova de um Vestibular (um teste) alguns tem mais questões para acertar (anos/dias de vida) outros tem menas questões.. a maioria vai errar (falhar, mentir, trair, blasfemar, roubar, matar, etc..), principalmente se tu tiver mais questões para acertar, quanto mais velho tu fica, maior a chance de responder as questões erradas, pois vai aumentar a quantidade de questões.
Tem criança que morre com 3 anos de idade, não deu tempo dela errar nenhuma questão, outros vivem 90 anos, esse já deu tempo de fazer putaria, mentir, trair..
Então quando tu vê uma tragédia, não pergunte a Deus o porque, só responda tuas questões corretas.
Cada um tem uma consciência individual, tu sabe quando uma questão está correta ou errada, a consciência nunca mente..
Quem morre com a maioria das questões corretas, essa pessoa já passou no teste, pode sair do sofrimento, da dúvida, das percas, das dores, etc.. chamada Planeta Terra.
Se existe um inferno, esse lugar é a Terra, aqui acontece estupros, traições, mortes, dores, dúvidas e o capeta está sempre ao teu lado tentando te prejudicar e te confundir..
Manda o capeta a merda e foque nas tuas questões, não se pergunte das tragédias, o capeta quer isso mesmo, confusão mental.
Ouça mais a tua consciência e siga ela, ela nunca vai mentir pra você. Todos sabem o que é certo e errado, não minta para si próprio, ou coloque maquiagem na vida, o tempo é curto, você não terá outra chance, para provar que merece sair do inferno chamado VIDA na TERRA.
Planeta terra é uma falsa vida, aqui tudo é temporário, a vida começa após a morte. ou, você torna à morrer, mentir pra tua consciência, daí já não sei o que aconte com quem estupra, mata um inocente, etc.. ainda não morri pra saber..
espero que a maioria das minhas questões esteja correta, pois os erros eu sei que tem muitos, conheço minha consciência e não sei o dia de amanhã, não sei se minha prova tem 40 questões (anos/dias), 50, 70, 90.. o que preciso fazer, é ouvir minha consciência e errar menos questões. Pois só no final (na morte), saberei qual lado que irei seguir, com base nas questões respondidas enquanto estive no planeta Terra.
Tragédias faz parte do teste, consulte tua consciência sempre que você puder e tu vai errar menos.. tic tac.. tempo tá passando, não brinque com a vida, não brinque com a única chance que tu tem, pra provar que merece se livrar de incertezas, dores, sofrimentos..
Morrer é um privilégio, quando você está com a consciência tranquila e sabe que respondeu mais questões corretas do que erradas, Morrer = Nova Vida!
Obs: Se o planeta terra é o inferno, o capeta está entre nós disfarçado de gente. Então a Terra é a casa dele. O que acontece aqui é responsabilidade do capeta.
Tragédias acontece porque o capeta faz acontecer. Nós devemos lembrar que o nosso tempo aqui é curto, logo saímos do inferno chamado Terra. Tragédias acontece, porque estamos na casa do capeta, aqui só tem desgraças mesmo. Já começa pela morte, daí vem Tragédias, injustiças e um mix de coisas ruins faz parte do perfil do capeta. Ouça mais tua consciência, ela é o guia pra te tirar da terra.
Imagina morrer e encarnar como outra pessoa e viver esse ciclo pela eternidade? Eu quero vida eterna, quero justiça, não quero perder pessoas, não quero ver Tragédias acontecendo. Isso eu vou encontrar na casa de Deus, para ter acesso a ela, temos que morrer com a consciência tranquila de que fizemos mais o bem que o mal, enquanto vivo..
Espero te encontrar na casa de Deus um dia Rodrigo, você me parece um cara correto e preocupado em passar as instruções de Deus para as pessoas. Isso é algo bom que tu faz.. Somos humanos, errar é normal, mas temos o poder de nos corrigir quando erramos, ouvindo nossa consciência.
Espero que eu vá para um lugar melhor após a morte. Pois eu tenho sofrido na terra, já errei bastante, mas também já fui muito injustiçado. Preciso de um juiz justo, para julgar o meu caso. Um juiz chamado Deus. Um juiz que vê todas as coisas que acontece na casa do capeta, e sofre junto com quem está sofrendo. Mas que aconlhe e tira todo o sofrimento quando você chegar na casa dele.
Espero conseguir chegar na casa de Deus, cansei de pessoas tentando me enganar. Quero interagir com pessoas honestas..
Cuidado com os escravos do Diabo, alguns estão condenados a viver humilhado do lado dele pela eternidade.. esses também estão espalhados pela terra, pra fazer o mal e muita confusão mental..
Eles tem medo de quem coloca Deus acima de tudo. Pois sabe que se matar um desses, é uma alma a menos que eles levam. Eles tem interesse de matar gente ruin, pois a alma fica com eles.. Nunca tenha medo do capeta e seus escravos, eles que tem medo de perder você.. então quando você achar o capeta ou um escravo dele, nunca recue. Peça para Deus ter piedade da tua alma e enfrenta o capeta e seus escravos como um leão selvagem faz. Não seja fraco e medroso, quem é fraco é o capeta. Quem está com Deus, está com a Força e sem medo de morrer. pois a morte com Deus, é o início de algo bom e eterno e o fim das desgraças que acontece no planeta terra. Desejo quem todos tenha uma vida mais consciente.. Lembre-se, tudo na terra tem prazo de validade.. a vida eterna acontece após a morte..
Nunca culpe Deus por nada. Ele é tão justo, que cumpre com a própria palavra de não interferir na casa do Diabo. Quem dita as regras do que acontece na terra é o capeta.
Deus cuida das feridas provocadas pelo diabo, se conseguirmos chegar na casa dele com a consciência limpa.
Daí teremos vida eterna e um mix de coisas boas. Lá teremos liberdade. Servidão, morte.. é coisa do capeta. Limpe sua consciência e já comece a sentir o gostinho da liberdade.. deve ser bom ter uma vida eterna, livre de coisas ruins.. espero conseguir chegar na casa de Deus um dia. Por ora, estou limpando minha consciência..
20:25 culpe sempre o Diabo por tudo de ruim que acontece na casa dele, a Terra é o lar dele. Ele dita as regras aqui.. a nossa sorte, que temos um curto prazo de tempo na terra, e se morrer com a consciência limpa, iremos para casa de Deus..

I’d like to see something simple like tic tac toe on the rear display without having to be parked.
Which games would you like to see for the infotainment?
Rivian, any plans for games?

any thoughts on the tracklist order or exclusions? I'll make it a playlist somewhere and share it
1 Forte Escape - Ask to Wind -Live Mix- (P1) 2 Ruby Tuesday - Your Own Miracle (P2) [these two songs introduce DJMAX and the protaganist] 3 M2U - Nightmare (P2) 4 TAG - Vertical Eclipse (EXT4) [these are the events before respect] 5 BEXTER x Mycin T - Glory Day (Respect) 6 BEXTER - BlackCat (Respect) 7 BEXTER - Boom! (Respect V) 8 BEXTER - Dream it (EXT2) 9 Raven & Kreyn - So Happy (Respect V) 10 SSOMbo - Over Me (EXT2) 11 Mycin T x SiNA - DAYDREAM (Extension 2) 12 TIC TAC TOE (Extension 3) 13 ND LEE - LUV 14 DIE IN 15 GLORY MAX (Extension 5) 16 REVENGER 17 PEACE COMES AT A PRICE
others: OBLIVION/OBLIESQUE/QUIXITOIC, ALICE/ELICA, NB RANGERS etc

Hi folks.
Will be in Seattle for a couple of pre-cruise days in July. Have read a lot of posts here & quickly decided to not stay downtown due to it being unsafe at night but of course want to hit the centrally located attractions (Pikes Market, ferry to Bainbridge and Alki Beach). Since ride share there is very high I’m considering taking the light rail whenever possible/feasible.
Rail trip from SeaTac looks bad since we’ll have a lot of luggage and we get in latte. I’m budget conscious so I’m guessing taxi from SeaTac to SLU is cheaper and more convenient than ride share.
On both days I’m thinking the SLU line from nearby Fred Hutch Center to Westlake Hub is the cheapest option but is it the best/relatively quick one? We’re not too worried about it being seedy as we always take the Deuce bus in Vegas and got to experience bum fights at our stop on the North end of the Strip.
I also found an interesting guy on YouTube (Lao Ocean) who presents the bad with the good on walking Seattle. Scared my wife a little but also gave good details on places normally overlooked.
I appreciate the input.

I was an X-ray baby, I remember the feeling of showing up to 30th AG. My basic class was 75% X-rays, dudes were studs, ripped strong fast and here I was a 180 pound 5’9 slightly out of shape 20 year old kid with a little college and a little work before I decided to chase my dreams and join the X-ray program. I felt a little out of place but still had the fire burning in me, my first week of basic a 30 year old X-ray who was build exactly like terry cruise (who I later became very close friends with) said to me something along the lines of “your just a kid you’ll enjoy the regular army when you get dropped”. That really rubbed me the wrong way, from that point on every time we got smoked ( it was plentiful) I made it a point to do more pushups or whatever exercises the drills threw at as whenever he would rest to quit. Throughout basic I ran every run like my life depended on and and pushed myself hard when I could have shitbagged the smoke sessions. By the end of basic I had a perfect apft score (only about 30 of our X-rays had that) and had X-rays coming up to me who I hadn’t ever talked too now that i had earned some “respect” or whatever you want to call it. Over half our X-rays got dropped before osut was over from not meeting the Apft standards. Tip #1 don’t ship if your out of shape and don’t slack off in basic the lack of good food and sleep will get to you if you are borderline to begin with. There is no excuse for failing the apft at the end of basic, you knew what you needed when you signed up don’t lie to yourself on your physical condition.
Next it was off to airborne school, I was still mid Covid so rules were gay and guys were slacking off big time. If I’m being honest with myself I could of pushed harder during this timeframe. It is easy to get comfortable with the newfound freedom, don’t get out of shape, have a little bit of fun with your buddies but don’t get in trouble and don’t drink yourself out of shape. Tip #2 Organized PT during airborne is a joke, get to the gym after the long days. Start working on building back up your leg, grip, lower back strength and keep your condition to at least where you were at the end of basic. Trust me your gona want that strength during team week. Listen to the Jumpmaster if you land correctly you won’t get hurt too badly, most airborne injuries are because of incorrect landings. Don’t anticipate the ground. I think most of us are scared the first jump, just get out the door and enjoy the view, now that I’m getting out I wish I would of done more than my 15 jumps (besides jrtc jumps fuck jumping with a 240 and 100 pounds of Ammo and gear), most people are never lucky enough to experience the feeling of floating in a parachute. Try not to be a injury recycle at airborne, the pipeline is long enough as is.
Finally, the bus to bragg (liberty whatever the fuck you newdicks call it). I was excited, home of the special forces, this is where shit gets real. My motivation was probably at an all time high at this point, I’ve made some lifelong friendships throughout basic and me and my boys were showing up for the real thing after all the big army gayness (if only I knew). Pt test first week of getting to AT, a surprising number of people failed and were send off to the double A (remember what I said about slacking off). Don’t let that be you. We had a couple month long wait before we classes up for prep, tons of free time, again have fun but don’t go crazy those Raleigh girls don’t think your cool tell them your a software engineer or something. Tip #3 Blanket statement but stay away from the Fayetteville girls, they got stds or they are CSM’s daughter / wife. Also while your in AT you have so much time to train, perfect food via SWC dfac and ample rest time. I was training 3x a day cardio lifting and rolling with my group of buddies, we were super motivated and ready to get started.
Now prep course started up after block leave, got some time to myself with my family and proposed to my now wife (typical) we have a son now and she is my rock. Not everyone can deal with the lifestyle you are after make sure your shits together before getting married it will be hard, even in the regular army I was away for half the year at peace time. Prep course is great but if your not healthy it will break your body. The training is fairly intense and you will be putting lots of miles on your legs, make sure you are taking recovery seriously you will learn lots from the cadre don’t slack off on recovery, I saw too many good dudes get hurt and vanish. The classes are great, there is no reason to not pass the star after all the instruction and practical exercises you receive. I knew nothing of landnav before the army and got 6/8 on the star, good enough to keep me from getting dropped. Prepare physically and mentally for sfas, you should be reaching your peak shape at this point. Prep isn’t long enough to put on meaningful strength gains, so make sure you are lifting the whole time from airborne till sfas. Strength is vital to sfas (specifically team week).
Your packing list is ready, your group of 150xrays from basic is now down to 45. I’m not going to spoil selection for you, prep your packing list and get with former X-rays and your buddies and get all the handy shit they say. Sfas is painful, it was physically the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Team week felt like legitimate torture and I was like a terminally ill 90 year old getting out of bed during it. Take care of your feet, remember what you learned during land nav prep and don’t get lost on the star ( easier said than done). My land nav advice would be take it slow, stay calm, use your techniques and if you think your getting lost find a know point to reorient yourself. I only ran after I got lost on the second day to find my 6th point, I got lost because I was being stupid plainly. Shot a panic azimuth to a lake and ran for my 5th and 6th point, but if you don’t get lost you have no reason to run to your death. During team week you will be tiered, before you go do peers take some notes on how you will peer your team, you’ll forget who’s roster number is who if you don’t.
The Final Cut of sfas, standing there with my bags I was confident I had preformed well. Then they called my roster number out, I walked my way over with my head down. Off to tent city I went, 21 day nonselect. I was overwhelmed with feelings of despair, all of that work and pain and was hit with a 2 year as we’re the rest of the 21 days from my class. Not even gona lie here I shed a tear when I saw my best friend at tent city who was a 6 month land nav drop.(got selected and is off to group, fucking amazing guy I’m happy for him) back to Bragg I went.
Got my orders to the 82nd, when I showed up I was depressed. My wife and me still weren’t married, I was living alone in the b’s and getting smoked daily for anything my new TL could come up with that day. Now you might be here, maybe you didn’t get selected, at the end of the day the cadre have there reasons, self reflect and write down what you want to improve if you are going back. There are two types of X-rays at the 82nd and elsewhere, those that give up and become shitbags and those that succeed and thrive in their role as an infantryman, some of them go back to sfas and make it, some become amazing SL’s and some get out and do great things as a civilian. It’s alright to be bummed out, I was for at least 6 months, I truly believe god has a plan for everyone and that everything happens for a reason even if you don’t know that reason at the time it happens. I stopped feeling sorry to myself and was put in the weapons squad as a 240 gunner. I had an amazing former batt boy SL who grew me and my gun team into what I would say was one of the best gun teams in the army. We were all strong fast and in great shape, our 240 gun drills and accuracy was always on point. This is because we took our job seriously and took pride in our performance. The big army is gay, that’s the truth I don’t give a fuck if you’re great at Joe history trivia or the best toy soldier for details. Be good at your job and work on it, saw gunner rifle man TL ect. I know you didn’t want to be in the 82nd, but if your a Man you will stop feeling sorry for yourself and take pride in your work, be the best at your job and no one can fuck with you, remember you can still go to war and you and your buddies lives may depend on it. I never got smoked once in weapons because I took my shit seriously and had great leadership to help me grow. If you push yourself and get schools, you can go back to SFAS as a seasoned team leader e5 with ranger and EIB / Jumpmaster, you will breeze through TAC skills with your knowledge from your time on the line, and your X-ray classmates can rely on you for knowledge on tactics. I know the 82nd can be gay, but if you rise above it you can learn a lot, and go on to do what you wanted to in the first place. Make the best of your situation and don’t be a feel sorry for me pussy.
Remember what I said about god having a plan? I was diagnosed with a progressive genetic disease that is life threatening if not treated. If I had been selected I would have surely ignored it and ended up with parts of my inside cut out of possibly dead. Funny enough a form GB pa was the one who referred me to get checked. Now I am leaving Bragg in a week to start my csp, and just handed off my ruck up or shut up book to a TL who is going to sfas tomorrow. Not sure if anyone took the time to read all of this , it was therapeutic in a way to put it down in writing. Even if my advice helps one dude I’ll be happy, good luck boys get fucking after it.
TL;DR: via chat gpt The narrator started military training as an underprepared X-ray but quickly pushed himself to excel in basic training. Despite rigorous preparation, he was not selected for SFAS and ended up in the 82nd Airborne. Overcoming initial disappointment, he thrived in his role, learned valuable lessons, and found motivation in unexpected challenges. His journey underscores the importance of resilience and adaptability, culminating in a health diagnosis that shifted his perspective on his military path.

“Ready to make history, baby?”
I looked over toward Sheila as she stood on the gangplank leading up to The Burger. I still couldn’t believe she named our research ship ‘The Burger’... emotional relevance be damned.
“It's not exactly history,” I corrected.
“Oh come on! If your survey is right, this trench might run even deeper than the Challenger Deep, and you’re gonna be the first person to explore it! How is that not exciting?”
“Might be deeper, we only have a limited amount of topological data. And even if it is deeper, we’re talking only a few hundred feet at most, it’s really not that im-”
Sheila silenced me with a kiss.
“Nerd.” She teased, and I found myself too flustered to reply. After five years of marriage, she still could leave me speechless with just a kiss. God… how did someone like me end up with a woman like that?
Then again, how did someone like me end up where I was in general? It was honestly a little overwhelming. Standing on the dock, getting ready to board that ship and join the ranks of Jacques Piccard and James Cameron (yes, that James Cameron) as one of the few people to take a manned submersible down to the deepest parts of the ocean. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little scared too. Diving down that deep could easily be a one way trip if even the slightest thing went wrong. My submarine would be experiencing between 600 to 1100 atmospheres of pressure and while we’d tested it over and over again to make sure it would actually be up for the challenge, there was still a lingering iota of doubt in the back of my mind. All that needed to go wrong was one little thing, and that would be it for me.
The scariest part is that I probably wouldn’t even know what had happened… I’d simply be gone… and Sheila would be alone. The thought of that caused a momentary spike of panic in my chest that almost made me want to call this whole thing off.
Almost.
But, then I felt her hand close around mine. I looked up into her bright blue eyes, and saw her gentle smile.
“You’re gonna be okay, hun,” She promised. “You and your team have been running the numbers, right? It’s gonna go just fine!”
I nodded slowly.
“It’s gonna go fine…” I repeated, before she leaned in to kiss me, and gently pulled me by the wrist up onto the deck of the Burger.
She was probably right.
It probably would be fine.
Probably…
The trench I’d be exploring was a fairly recent discovery, located south of Greenland, in a vast stretch of water situated directly between Newfoundland and Iceland. It’d been uncovered during a topological survey in the area, and my team had taken an interest in investigating it further. At minimum, it was believed to descend to about 35,000 feet deep (over 10,000 meters), although the current theory was that it might have run even deeper. Determining the exact depth of the yet unnamed chasm was just one of the intents of our dive. The rest was studying the organisms that might be found down there, and how they might have differed from the ones found in other deep ocean trenches (some variation being expected given the isolated environment they were developing in.)
I had to admit, it would be exciting to see what new life might have developed in a place such as this, especially if it ran even deeper than our predictions… and that excitement was enough to make me chase the fear of the risks out of my mind, even if it was only briefly. While Sheila went to make sure we were ready to embark, I caught myself wandering out toward the rear of the ship where my submarine, The Tempura, waited for me. Did this submarine deserve a better name than The Tempura? Probably. But, this was my project, so I got to name it and since Burger was already taken, Tempura was the next best name I had. I liked to think that the subs namesake might approve… if she hadn’t died fifteen years ago. Shrimp don’t live very long.
As the ship began to depart, I caught myself reminiscing on how I’d ended up here… it really was all because of those damn shrimp, wasn’t it? Well… maybe not all because of the shrimp. But they were certainly part of it. Back when I was a lot younger, I never really gave much of a shit about anything at all. I guess I did have a thing for the ocean… the great, romantic vastness of it. The sense of adventure that it beckoned with. The endless mysteries that lay within its dark depths. I used to read about it all the time when I was a kid and I especially loved the classic adventures: Verne’s 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, and Melville’s Moby Dick… but that love was just confined to my books. I didn’t really have any interest in actually going out and seeing the ocean. Hell, the idea of going to a beach and standing in the sun with my toes in the sand seemed miserable to me. I was happier (although calling myself happy might’ve been a little disingenuous) alone in my room, enjoying the company of books as opposed to people.
Then came the shrimp.
One of my online friends kept them as a hobby. He used to post pictures of his tanks all the time, and I always thought they looked kinda cool. He said that if I was interested in them, I should try keeping some for myself, and during a particularly bad bout of depression, I figured that maybe it might be worth a shot. So, I bought a cheap tank and some cheap decorations, bought myself some shrimp… and promptly watched them die over the next few weeks. That… that bothered me. I don’t know why but… it really bothered me. I’m still not entirely sure how to describe what it was that I was feeling. Guilt? Defeat? Shame? Here I was, trying to set up a habitat for these creatures just to have something to do to keep the suicidal ideation at bay, and I’d failed almost right out of the gate.
Was I just that bad? Was I just that much of a failure? Was this just going to go to shit just like everything else in my life did, because I was just such an abysmal piece of shit who barely deserved the life she had? Had I just not tried hard enough? Was I too apathetic? What had happened? What went wrong?
It bothered me.
It bothered me enough that I made up my mind to just dump the remaining shrimp down the toilet and toss everything. Forget about it. Move on. End of story. But… that wasn’t fair, was it? The shrimp didn’t all deserve to die just because I couldn’t be bothered, did they? Sure, they were just shrimp, but they were alive too, just like me. They deserved to be alive.
I owed it to them to try and keep them alive, didn’t I?
So… I didn’t dump the shrimp.
Instead, I started doing some reading. Started looking into what I was doing wrong and how to do it all better. I actually got really into it and a few months later, I had a nice planted tank. Looking back, it was amateur shit… but it made me happy. I’d even picked out names for my two favorite shrimp. Burger and Tempura. They’d been the last survivors of my original batch, and they were the ones I ended up caring about the most. Caring for Burger and Tempura gave me a purpose. It became an obsession… and that little obsession drove me to finally start turning my life around.
Like I said, shrimp don’t live for very long. Burger and Tempura were long dead by the time I graduated with a degree in Marine Biology. But they were the ones who inspired me to finally get my life in order. Hell, the shrimp were half the reason that I met Sheila. She was something of an aquarium fanatic too… we’d met on a forum, and gotten to talking. I found out that she just so happened to be studying Marine Biology at another school, and we bonded pretty quickly after that. After graduation, I moved to California to be with her and after that, the rest is history. She was my rock. She was the one who always pushed me to be the best possible version of myself… and I loved her more than I ever knew I could love someone.
A glance back at the shore, fading into the distance tore me out of my reminiscing, and I shifted my focus to the present, going over The Tempura to perform some quick checks. My colleagues and I would be checking and rechecking the submarine over the next two days as we made our way toward the dive spot. Considering the danger that descending that deep posed, I didn’t want to take a single unnecessary risk.
I had too much to live for, after all.
***
The day of the dive, I couldn’t notice how excited the rest of the crew seemed… well… Sheila’s usual crew seemed excited. I guess to them, this was just another research expedition, no different than the ones Sheila usually took this ship out on. Lately her research had been focused on the analysis and study of whale calls. Her recent voyages had involved following their pods, recording their calls and playing them back to see how the whales reacted. It was fascinating stuff, but my research was admittedly a lot different than that.
My obsession had drawn me to the denizens of the deep sea. I’d used The Burger for expeditions before, although none of them had been on quite the same scale as this one. Up until today, the most ambitious thing I’d done was send down unmanned submersibles with cameras. Those submersibles had typically returned. We had lost a few early on due to technical glitches, but the past few years had been blissfully uneventful. Logically, this dive would probably be uneventful as well. But it was still hard to get the jitters out of my head.
My team and I did the final checks necessary to make sure that The Tempura was good to go, before setting up the crane to begin lifting it up. In less than an hour, I’d be inside of that thing, descending to the darkest depths of the ocean.
It didn’t feel real.
I felt Sheila’s hand on my shoulder, and looked over at her.
“Moment of truth, huh?” She asked. She probably meant it to sound encouraging, but it just sounded ominous.
“Moment of truth…” I replied.
“You’re gonna be okay, honey. I know you will.”
She reached out to gently squeeze my hand and gave me a reassuring smile that I meekly returned.
“Yeah, it’s gonna be okay,” I agreed, although there was an element of a lie in it. Statistically, yes. It probably WOULD be okay. But there was that lingering anxiety in the back of my mind that just wouldn’t go away. I looked quietly out at the submarine before me and couldn’t shake the thought that it sort of looked like a giant coffin. Unconsciously, I found myself squeezing Sheila’s hand tighter than normal. She just held me close and pressed a kiss to the top of my head, before gently rubbing my back.
“You’ll be okay,” She promised.
“Dr. Jenner, we’re ready for you.” I heard one of my colleagues say.
Moment of truth.
I took one last look at Sheila, and gave her a quick kiss on the lips for luck. She smiled at me, and I smiled back anxiously at her before heading over toward the submarine.
The crew helped me enter the cockpit and get myself situated inside. The cockpit of the Tempura was fairly cramped and not particularly comfortable. Space and comfort aren’t really luxuries you can afford in a submarine like this. The instruments I needed took up a lot of space, leaving little room for me in there… and I am not a very big person.
Once I was inside, they sealed the hatch. Then the diagnostics checks began.
“Grayson, can you hear us in there?” I heard Sheila say through the radio.
“Loud and clear,” I replied.
“Great. We’ll keep in constant radio contact, just to monitor the signal. In the meanwhile, how’s everything looking in there?”
“Green across the board so far,” I said, although I hadn’t finished running all my final checks yet. Ultimately, nothing was out of place.
This submarine was as good to go as it was going to get.
“I’m all good in here,” I said once I was done. “You can drop me when you’re ready.”
“You got it, honey. Let’s get you in the water, run one final round of tests and start lowering you down.”
A short while later, I felt the submarine begin to move as the crane lifted it off the deck and lowered it into the water. The Tempura honestly resembled its namesake in a way, being long and cigar shaped, only vertically oriented instead of horizontally oriented. We’d admittedly taken more than a few design cues from James Cameron’s Deepsea Challenger. Why fix what isn’t broken, after all?
Once I was in the water, a 1000 pound releasable ballast weight would cause the submarine to sink. Releasing that weight was also my ticket back to the surface, and I could either trigger it from inside the cockpit, or, in the event that the release failed for any reason, it would trigger automatically after roughly 12 hours of exposure to salt water.
Ideally, this would be the first of a number of dives I’d be undertaking… and if all went according to plan, the Tempura could be the first of many similar submarines that would allow other researchers to safely and effectively descend to extreme depths. If all went well, this could be a massive leap forward for researchers like me, allowing us to better explore the deepest depths of the Hadal Zone and learn all we could about the ecosystems down there via direct observation.
If all went well.
If.
Through the viewport, I watched as I was lowered into the ocean. A few of the other crew members had donned diving gear to escort me down, and after they did their final checks and I did mine, we were fully ready to go.
“All’s green across the board,” I said into the radio. “You can start my descent.”
“I hear you, honey,” Sheila replied. “We’re letting you go. Have fun down there.”
“Yeah, I’ll try…” I said quietly as finally, my submarine began its descent.
I took a deep breath, and told myself again that everything would go fine. We had checked everything on this submarine. We’d tested it rigorously. I wouldn’t have allowed myself to set foot inside of it if I hadn’t personally assured that it was safe. But anxiety never really goes away, does it? The crew couldn’t accompany me far. After only a few meters, they fell behind me as I sank deeper and deeper into the infinite, empty blue of the ocean. Soon after, the tether was released.
I was officially on my own.
“60 feet,” I heard Sheila say over the radio. “How are you doing in there?”
“Good,” I replied. “Doing… doing good.”
The submarine continued to descend. Through the viewport, I could see a few stray fish, but nothing particularly eye catching. I almost felt alone down there… almost…
“120 feet…” Sheila said.
“Still doing good,” I replied.
The descent continued, as the waters slowly grew darker and darker.
“400 feet…”
Everything around me just kept getting darker and darker. Only a fraction of the light from the sun ever reached these depths… and I’d be lying if I said that darkness didn’t feel a little… oppressive.
“800 feet… still feeling good?”
“Yeah, still feeling good…” I said, although it was a bit of a lie. If anything, I was second guessing all of this, but I wasn’t about to say that out loud.
“1000 feet… still good?”
“Still good…” I murmured. “I hear you loud and clear.”
Deeper… deeper… deeper.
“1500 feet…”
Three miles. I was three miles away from home. Three miles away from Sheila.
“2000 feet…”
Still a ways to go.
“3000 feet…”
By this point, it was fully dark outside of my cockpit. Outside, all I could see was inky darkness. Even the submarine’s lights didn’t really cut through it. And the kicker? Relatively speaking, I wasn’t that deep. Fishing trawlers reached deeper than this. Better to conserve power until I was at the bottom. My descent continued.
“6000 feet… still good?”
“Still good…”
The check ins were becoming less frequent. My descent still continued… deeper… deeper… deeper. By now, I’d entered the Hadal Zone. But there was still so much deeper o go.
“8000 feet…”
This was past the depths that most whales would dive to… and I still had a ways to go.
“10,000 feet.”
This was close to where the ocean floor usually bottomed out… and yet there was still so much further to go. No. I was really only a third of the way there. How long had it been?Not much had happened beyond my descent and a few sightings out of my viewport, but time had been passing. A glance at my watch confirmed it’d been almost an hour since I’d started to sink… and I knew I wasn’t even close to the bottom yet. The submarine continued to descend, sinking ever deeper as I dropped into an infinite darkness that few had ever dared to witness.
“15,000 feet.”
This check in came later than the others. At this point, Sheila and the crew must have figured that no news was good news, and they were right. I just continued to sink peacefully, down into the crushing depths of the ocean.
These were the depths that one might normally find deep sea fish… and yet I was going somewhere even deeper than that.
“20,000 feet…”
So close…
I continued to sink.
“25,000 feet.”
Soon… and finally…
“30,000 feet. You still doing alright, honey?”
“Yeah… yeah, I’m doing good,” I assured her. I was so close…
By this point, my real work had begun. I’d engaged the lights and begun documenting what little I could see using the on board cameras. Granted, there wasn’t much life at these depths and what little there was, was scarcely documented. Most of what was down here consisted of invertebrates and microscopic life that seemed to float past my viewport.
The light seemed to draw a few creatures in search of food. Small, hardy things that resembled shrimp.
“How’s it looking, Grayson?”
“Dark,” I said, half joking. “We’ve got some life… shrimp. They’re translucent. Can’t get a great look at them… but we’ll see what the cameras pick up.”
“They’ve recognized you as a friend,” Sheila said. I could almost see the smile on her lips as she said it.
“Yeah…” I replied, “Tempura sent them a message, told them I’d be down. How am I looking on depth?”
“35,000 feet… you seeing a bottom yet?”
“No… not that I would until I was there.”
“Damn… how deep does this go?”
“It can’t go that deep…” I murmured, although I really wasn’t so sure about that.
The submarine continued to sink…
36,000 feet…
37,000 feet…
38,000 feet… and then finally, just past the 39,000 foot mark, I finally saw solid ground below me.
Looking through my viewport, I could see a familiar dark brown diatomaceous sludge, covering the seafloor. Microscopic life, likely similar to what had been observed in other deep sea trenches, such as the Challenger Deep.
I needed to gather a sample.
As my submarine reached the bottom, I extended the mechanical arms, pressed flat against the surface of the Tempura, and opened the collection port near the bottom of the ship. Slowly, I sifted some of the sludge into the port. My disturbance of the seafloor kicked up a cloud of the microbial colony, and I could’ve sworn I saw something wiggling through the debris. A pale, white thing, perhaps some sort of sea cucumber? I hastily angled my submarines camera to try and catch a glimpse of it, before returning to my collection. Even in this forlorn place, there was still so much to see! And here I was… completely forgetting my fear as the excitement took hold of me! Few people had ever been down to these unfathomable depths… and yet here I was.
It didn’t feel real but it was! I had reached the deepest part of the ocean!
“How’s it going down there?” I heard Sheila ask. Her voice was a little garbled. The connection down here was faltering.
“It’s beautiful…” I said. “I can’t wait for you to see it!”
“I’ll bet…”
“I’m going to do a sweep of the area, see what samples I can gather,” I said. “What’s my time right now?”
“Three hours. You’ve got nine before your connection to the weight deteriorates and you start to ascend.”
“I’ll make the most of it,” I said. The plan was only to stay down there for six hours, and I didn’t want to push that limit. Life support would only last me for so long, and one little error was all it would take for the ungodly pressure down here to crush me.
I began to move the submarine. Mobility was limited. This thing wasn’t built to travel far. But I still had some limited movement. I recorded all that I could, filming the shrimp that investigated my light, and the things that slithered and crawled through the muck, likely feeding on the carpet of single celled organisms that populated these depths.
The first two hours were… well… I hesitate to call them uneventful, they were actually very fascinating, but little of note happened beyond my recording of a few specimens.
Midway through the third hour though, as I was reaching one of the rock walls of the abyss, I noticed something just above the edge of my viewport swimming away from the light. I could’ve sworn I saw slender, pale tentacles of some sort. Was that a squid? Were there squid down this deep? I wasn’t aware of any species of known squid who could reach these depths… but in this unknown place, what use was the known?
I moved my light and my camera to try and catch another glimpse of it, but whatever it was, it seemed to be gone. Maybe I’d see another one. I still had plenty of time.
“You made a noise. What’d you see?” Sheila asked.
“Something big… I think,” I said.
“Down there? Like a fish?”
“Squid. You wouldn’t find any vertebrates down this deep… the pressure would crush their bones.”
“Jeez…”
I didn’t reply to that, still searching for the thing I’d seen. I shone my light up along the walls of the chasm and angled my camera up as far as it would go. I could see a few volcanic vents, spewing dark clouds into the darkness, and more diatoms. But not much else. Strange invertebrates crawled along the walls. Small creatures, no bigger than an inch long. Related to isopods, perhaps? If I could collect one as a sample, I would have… although taking any of those back to the surface would surely kill them. They were built to live under the impossible pressure of these depths. Taking them to the surface would rip them apart.
I went back to my research, and it wasn’t long until I saw something in the darkness, just on the edge of where my flashlight reached. Trailing white tendrils, snaking their way through the darkness. My eyes narrowed as I moved the submarine forward, trying to catch whatever it was in the light. I saw the shape move, its body turning… I saw its tendrils unfurling. Whatever this was, it was big. It was almost as big as The Tempura… although it was also slender. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought I was looking at some sort of floating debris, but this far down? No. And debris wouldn’t move like that.
This had to be a deepsea squid… or perhaps some other type of cephalopod? Something that preyed upon the various invertebrates down here, perhaps? It seemed to float, just out of sight for a bit, as I tried to get closer. I angled up my light to get a better look at it. The light seemed to shine through it, like some sort of ghost… but I did manage to get a look at it.
Although that look…
That single look made me freeze up.
This things slender tendrils certainly resembled a cephalopod of some sort, but the rest of it… the rest of it looked like something else entirely. Its body was thin, emaciated and translucent, yet despite that it still had characteristics that almost seemed… human. It wasn’t human! Not by any stretch of imagination, but the resemblance was there. It almost reminded me of an exhibit I’d seen in a museum once, depicting a preserved, fully removed human nervous system. I could see a similar shape in its translucent body. Its head seemed almost human as well… albeit with no eyes, and a lamprey like mouth I could only describe as fleshy yet crablike.
Still, despite having no eyes I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was looking at me. And that was when I felt something hit the submarine.
I felt a sudden jolt of panic in my chest. For a moment, I thought that the pressure had started to crush me, but no… no, everything was still fine. Something had just hit me. But what? It didn’t take long before I got my answer.
Another pale creature floated past my viewport, swirling gracefully in the cold dark waters. I watched it for a moment with wide eyes, before noticing its ‘head’ turning slightly toward me. Then, almost instantly, it launched itself at the submarine, darting toward me with blinding speed.
I heard a distinct THUD as its body collided with me, and I could see its pale tendrils pressing against the viewport, twisting and writhing violently. It was trying to attack me. The first creature that I’d seen lunged as well, pounding on my submarine with another THUD. And moments later, I could hear more impacts against the hull. There were more of them… and they did not like having me down there.
“What’s going on?” Sheila asked.
“Somebody doesn’t like me…” I said. “One of the animals down here… some kind of squid, it’s just started attacking the hull.”
“How bad is the damage?”
“Not sure… could be nothing, could be-”
I felt the submarine shake as I tried to move it. The thrusters that pushed me forward weren't responding. Had something gotten caught in it? One of the creatures perhaps?
“Grayson?!” Sheila asked.
“Lost propulsion…” I said. “Fuck… I can’t move.”
“Then drop the weight and come up!”
“No, it’s fine, there’s no other damage, I can still use the port and starboard thrusters to-”
“Grayson!”
I paused. There was genuine panic in her voice… enough to make me realize that even if these things stood little chance of actually breaching the hull, taking the risk would be a fatal mistake.
“I’m on my way up…” I finally said, before reaching out to disengage the ballast weights.
Immediately, I felt myself beginning to rise, although the tentacles clinging to my viewport didn’t disappear.
“We’ve got you…” Sheila said. “Rising up to 38,000 feet.”
The submarine continued to rise, but the creatures clinging to me went nowhere. In fact… I was sure I could see more of them. More pale shapes coming up through the darkness, and these ones filled me with dread. I thought I had been looking at some sort of eerie undiscovered life. But seeing what was coming up toward me now… I knew that I was looking at so much more. The creatures swimming up toward me through the darkness carried weapons… makeshift stone spears and daggers. Primitive tools… but tools all the same.
Signs that these were more than just undiscovered animals.
Much. Much more.
The word: ‘Mermaids’ crossed through my mind, but these were something far different than the ones I’d heard of in folklore. These looked like they’d swam out of the depths of hell itself. Boneless pale tendrils reached for me… and they were getting closer. The pale shapes reached my submarine as I rose higher. I kept praying to whatever God may be listening that the dropping pressure would force them off. The air in a submarine is pressurized, so during normal operation, there should have been no danger of decompression sickness for me.
For them… well… normally I’d feel a little guilty about subjecting an undiscovered species of deep sea mermaids to the horrors of the Bends. But given my circumstances, I didn’t have a lot of other options.
They didn’t let go, though.
They should have. But they didn’t.
What were these things?
I saw a splayed hand press against my viewport. Or… it somewhat resembled a hand. It had suckers on it, like a tentacle and the ‘fingers’ curled open like tentacles. The creature crawled over my viewport, clinging to The Tempura as it rose, and I could see the folds of its crablike mouth opening and pressing against the glass. I could see some sort of bile rising up through its translucent throat, before it secreted it all over my viewport. Was it trying to digest me? Was that how these things fed? How strong were its stomach acids? Were they strong enough to-
The window cracked.
My heart skipped a beat.
“No… no, no no…”
“Grayson, what’s wrong?!”
“They cracked the window… S-Sheila they… oh God… oh fuck, they just…”
“THEY DID WHAT?”
“It’s secreting some sort of enzyme… it’s on the window, it’s… FUCK… I’m gonna die… I’m gonna die… I’m gonna die…”
“You’re not gonna die, baby! Just… just keep ascending, okay? You’re at 30,000 feet… just keep going…”
I nodded, and kept on rising, although the question of whether or not the rest of the creatures were trying to digest the other parts of my submarine floated through my mind. How much damage could The Tempura take before it imploded? How much longer did I have? The submarine still continued to rise… 25,000 feet… almost halfway home… almost… almost.
The creature outside of my viewport slithered along the glass, searching for a better area to try and digest. Past him, I noticed a few of his companions dropping off. Maybe the change in pressure finally was getting to them?
From the corner of my eye, I suddenly noticed a flashing light. A warning. The hydraulics on one of the Tempura’s arms were shot… what else was damaged?
I checked my oxygen levels. 32%.
I should’ve had at least 14 hours of air. I’d only been down there for about 6 hours… I shouldn’t have been this low.
31%.
No… no, no, no, no… they’d damaged the air tanks!
30%.
29%
“20,000 feet!” Sheila said. “You still with me, baby?”
“Y-yeah…” I said. I didn’t mention my air situation. I didn’t need to worry her further.
The submarine continued its ascent.
15,000 feet.
24%. I was running out of time.
The creatures still clung to the Tempura. How had the pressure change not killed them yet? My oxygen was dropping faster than before. I was hemorrhaging air. Another crack formed across my viewport. I let out a little, involuntary gasp before trying to force myself to stop hyperventilating.
“Grayson, what was that?”
“I-it’s fine…” I stammered, “It’s fine!”
“Grayson what the hell is going on down there?!”
“They’re still on the submarine… they’re still…” I paused, looking at my oxygen levels. “19%...”
“19% of what? Grayson what’s going on!”
I paused.
18%.
“Air… I’m… I’m losing air…”
“That’s fine, you’re going to make it!” She said, although I heard her voice cracking a little. “You’re gonna make it!”
I didn’t answer.
12,000 feet.
11,000 feet…
My oxygen level continued to drop.
15%.
14%.
12%.
9,000 feet.
The creatures still clung to me, as the submarine continued to rise. The one on my viewport was still there, slowly crawling along the glass again. I stared into its eyeless face and swore I was looking at the face of my killer.
7,000 feet…
Oxygen had dropped to 9%. It dropped to 8% before I even got to 6,000 feet. I was going to die here…
The viewport cracked again and I squeezed my eyes shut. The submarine rocked. I was sure one of the thrusters had been damaged. My ascent slowed.
“Grayson, what’s going on?”
“I’m sorry Sheila…”
Another crack spread across my viewport.
“I’m… I’m not making it back up…”
“YES YOU ARE!”
“I’m sorry…” The tears started to come as the reality of my death became clearer and clearer… this was it.
“YOU’RE COMING BACK UP, YOU HEAR ME! GODDAMNIT, I’LL BRING YOU BACK UP!”
“I love you…”
That creatures face pressed against the glass. It vomited more of its stomach acid onto the cracked glass, and I wondered if this might finally be what broke it. Part of me hoped it would be… the one good thing about dying this deep was that at least I’d die quickly. My suffering would be over. Then, the creature suddenly pulled back, twisting and writhing violently. I saw other shapes moving past it in the water, other ‘mermaids’ that had been clinging to the submarine.
Something was agitating them.
Something was scaring them off.
Then I heard it, over the radio… whale songs.
“What the hell…?”
“Grayson, are you still there?!”
“I… they’re finally breaking off. Sheila, what did you do?”
“I’m broadcasting some of the orca recordings we’ve been using. Are they still clinging to you?”
“No! They’re backing off! I… whatever you’re doing, keep doing it!”
The submarine kept rising.
5,000 feet.
4,000 feet.
4% oxygen.
I could still do this, right?
The submarine continued to rise.
3%.
3,000 feet.
2,000 feet.
2%.
1,000 feet… so close… I was so close…
I could almost see the surface through my viewport, rushing up toward me. I tried not to breathe. Tried not to move. All I did was hope.
500 feet.
I closed my eyes.
“Grayson we have your signal, we’re coming to pick you up!”
Sheila’s voice sounded so far away as my submarine finally breached the surface of the water… and with the last of my strength, I pulled the emergency release on the hatch, and threw it open, taking in lungful after lungful of fresh salty air.
I didn’t dare so much as touch the water beneath me… but I was topside again, and in the distance, I could see The Burger!
“We see you!” Sheila said, “We’ve got you baby… we’ve got you…”
“I see you too…” I said through the tears. “Thank you… thank you…” I didn’t have any words left in me after that.
As soon as I was back on the ship, I collapsed into Sheila’s arms, breaking down into tears as I clung to her, terrified that at any moment, some sort of unspoken other shoe would drop and I’d lose her all over again.
“Shh… it’s alright baby… I’ve got you… you’re safe… you’re safe…” I felt her fingers running through my hair and I knew that what she said was true.
I was home.
I was safe.
***
I left my colleagues to review the data that the Tempura gathered during its short expedition. As far as I know, they haven’t published anything. I have a few ideas as to why, but I’ll keep those to myself. Let’s just say that some people would rather this information not become public.
I have a feeling that the Tempura may not be diving again for some time, if ever. I will confess that I do consider that a bit of a shame. Despite everything… I would consider it a success. It endured far more stressful conditions than I had expected, and from what I heard, required fewer repairs than I’d thought it would. But, even if it was approved for another dive, it wouldn’t be me piloting it. No. I will never be setting foot inside of that machine again, nor will I ever be returning to what my colleagues have been quietly referring to as ‘The Jenner Trench’.
I can’t.
Every night, I wake up crying after dreaming of pale shapes outside of my cracked viewport, clinging to Sheila and sobbing. I can’t put myself in that situation again.
I can’t.
Instead, I think I’m going to spend the next few years on solid ground. There’s a teaching position available at a local university. I think that might be the best place for me right now. Who knows, maybe I can help some other deadbeat discover a passion for marine biology.
After everything, my love for the sea remains unchanged… I’m just a little more wary of it, these days.

It's actually scary how much things can change in a week so after last week being told a tac might not work for me it's now my only option as my cervix is to damaged and cant close properly. They also found that my womb is strangley shaped am very small, they have had to cut open my womb hoping this would relieve pressure on my cervix. After been so scared the last weeknover this surgery I'm so happy to have had it and got some answers just wish this was done years ago instead of letting me go through 14 losses.