Seach for single women in kenya
LoveIsBlindOnNetflix
2020.01.30 22:03 nnnarbz LoveIsBlindOnNetflix
Welcome to the subreddit for Netflix's reality show Love is Blind - a social experiment where single men and women look for love and get engaged, all before meeting the person! Is Love truly Blind?
2020.01.08 22:12 GoldenGate2019 Love Is Blind on Netflix
A place to discuss all things related to the Netflix Series Love Is Blind
2012.12.28 06:52 thedeafpoliceman Whiteknighting
Saving Damsels In Distress One Keyboard At A Time
2024.05.15 23:32 Sudden-Turnip-3869 My (30F) bf (33M)drunk messaged ex
My first Reddit post so I apologize if it’s long. Me (30F) and my bf (M33) have been together two years. He keeps to himself mostly, just talks to a couple guys and then family. He texted me last Monday and said his ex from 4-5 years ago messaged him on LinkedIn since she was blocked on everything else. She is married with kids. He told me she said she missed him. That Friday, I saw him messaging her so after he went to bed that night I had a gut feeling and looked at the messages. The ones from Monday night that he told me about were her saying she thinks about him a lot. He was cordial and didn’t cross any lines. However, there were messages from Tuesday where she kept coming on to him and started pressing for details on me. He told her everything he loved about me and said I was the greatest person he’d ever met, but he wasn’t ready to go any further with me and didn’t know how to tell me. He also starts saying to her that he messed up with her and let a great thing go and to let him know if she ever becomes single again. He then said he shouldn’t be talking to her about it. The messages from the night I looked, Friday, were her sending him a pic of a place she was driving by that his family is from. I was a bit confused about the part about not wanting to go any further with me since he had just brought up our plans to move in together earlier that night. After seeing these messages, I packed up my stuff and left while he was asleep. I left a note that I was done and to have fun with her. He texted me multiple times when he woke up and saw I was gone. He didn’t know if I had read the messages and offered to show me the messages. He sends screenshots of the ones where she’s talking about missing him and the ones about her driving, but not the other ones. I called him out for lying and let him know I did see the messages. He has since been begging for me to forgive him and said this was the most embarrassing thing he’s ever done. He said he blocked her from LinkedIn so there would be nowhere else she can message him. He admitted to being blackout drunk that Tuesday night and said he has issues with entertaining women from his past because of his mom constantly being in and out of his life. (I knew about other ways his mom has affected him.) He said he feels nothing for her, but I don’t know if I trust him again or end things?
TL; DR; bf drunk told ex he messed up and to let him know if she’s single again, but said he didn’t remember it and is embarrassed and sorry. Blaming it on issues with mom.
submitted by Sudden-Turnip-3869 to relationships [link] [comments]
TL; DR; bf drunk told ex he messed up and to let him know if she’s single again, but said he didn’t remember it and is embarrassed and sorry. Blaming it on issues with mom.
2024.05.15 23:08 lostarrow1 Women, please explain the appeal of antique stores
A byproduct of being single and on dating apps is a window into the mind of the NPC woman. According to their profiles these women love their dogs more than men, want to TRAVEL, and sleep in on Sunday until it’s time for brunch with the gals. I call them NPC's since they all have basically the same profiles and are obviously tapped into the same TikTok/Insta Reels zeitgeist.
Another thing they have in common: antique stores. I don't think I have ever seen a genuine antique in a Gen Z apartment. They aren't buying anything in these stores. Why go? Is this a children yearn for the mines moment? Women yearn for their 1950s trad wife past?
submitted by lostarrow1 to redscarepod [link] [comments]
Another thing they have in common: antique stores. I don't think I have ever seen a genuine antique in a Gen Z apartment. They aren't buying anything in these stores. Why go? Is this a children yearn for the mines moment? Women yearn for their 1950s trad wife past?
2024.05.15 23:08 AutumnFanatic [22/M4F] Hi! Cute nerdy guy who gets zero social interaction looking for a female interested in forming an intimate connection
Why did the farmer visit the pharmacy? To speak with the farm-assist.
Hi and welcome to my post! Wanted to start off with a funny to me dad joke.
Nice to meet you, I'm Dylan! To put it simple, I am a single 22 year old man who has been pretty lonely in life and lacking in female connection and interaction. And part of what comes with that is the desire to be intimate with a person. I am very mature for my age and will always be respectful of your boundaries and feelings, especially with anything sexual. Lately all I have is myself when it comes to sexual desires, so I would like to have someone to keep company with in that regard too.
I'm just relaxing at work since there's nothing really going on and thinking about going home tonight and burning a woodwick candle. Perfect for when there's a storm outside. I love candles! 🕯️ Sometimes a campfire outside on a fall night or a crackling WoodWick candle is a relaxing constant among our busy and hectic world. It's nice to just disconnect, feel grounded and happy in your own little cozy space. Feeling calm and collected and at peace. Something that fewer people take the time to do these days.
I am seeking a woman around my age or older to build a close connection with that could possibly lead to a relationship and something intimate which includes the possibility of teasing/sharing pics etc. but only when we were comfortable. Figured I would be open in my Intentions as that's the best way to be.
You:
Kind, respectful, and easy going.
Comfortable with the idea of eventually sharing intimate things together.
Willing to eventually move off of Reddit.
Want something genuine and fun!
Are honest in your intentions and a good person to be around!
That's about it, we will get along great I know it.
I've been feeling a little bummed out lately. I always try and stay happy and see the best in things. But.. I've just been so alone. Most of my whole childhood and adult years have been spent feeling lonely. I grew up surrounded by cornfields which was peaceful but also has a lonely aspect to it. My family never really were close and never did anything as a family really. And part of it too is the fact that I never had any neighbors my age to interact with. But aside from that, my adult life has been very lonely. I'm just always by myself. I barely have any meaningful adult relationships or experiences, or even any friends.
I work a 3-11 job in building maintenance at my company world headquarters building which I love, but again it's very lonely. I work the off shift so the building is always empty. I don't get normal social interaction with people my age or a chance to build relationships. I only have 3 older men as co-workers and we are mostly in the basement away from any people on the floors from knowing our existence. I always walk the floors and see office people laughing and chatting with their coworkers and I just don't have that kind of experience. And just.. no one knows I exist really. Everyone probably assumes I have a lot of friends, but I'm struggling inside with being so alone and trying to meet people and get past the "hi how are you?" "I'm good thanks" stage. Most people don't seem to want to talk beyond that. And most women are already in relationships and thus it would seem weird to approach them in an office setting trying to get to know them deeper. But man those "hi how are yous" are the only real interactions I get during my day.. so thus I decided to come here lol. Rant over, sorry! I promise I'm not a downer. 😅
Now for some things about me!
As you can tell, I am very mature for my age and am polite and have good grammar which unfortunately not everyone my age does anymore lol. I am not active at all on social media/internet culture really and don't know much about all the slang the younger people these days use. I feel like I'm 50. 🤣
I am left handed which is pretty cool. I'm not much of a party person or a drinker, I much prefer a quiet night at home and maybe a beer or two on a weekend but that's about it. I am simple and stay out of drama and trouble and don't get much into politics or other things that cause drama with people. I much prefer a relaxing campfire and a night at home and to just let the world keep on turning haha. I consider myself pretty intelligent and mature, especially for my age which is why I'm open to older ladies.
Physically I'm 180 pounds, have brown hair, green eyes, and a typical build. There's a few pictures on my profile.
Some of my hobbies are:
• Photography
I have a Nikon D200 and D5500 that I love to shoot with. I love nature scenes, abstract, black and white/goth kinda photography, sunsets, etc. it's so fun to just let your mind explore. It's not about what camera you have, but those who are behind the camera! I'm gonna try and photograph the northern lights tonight!
• Cooking and baking
I loveeee to cook and bake! I enjoy making various meals but also love to just have a frozen pizza once in awhile or something like that. I recently made homemade chili which turned out great. I love to bake, especially in the fall! I love pies, cakes, pastries, cookies, etc. I restored a vintage KitchenAid mixer that needed tbe gearbox rebuilt. Eventually I would love to practice home canning my own food.
• Music
Oh my gosh, I like so much!! Alternative rock, punk, post punk, electronic, synth pop, psychedelic rock, hard rock, etc. I am very non judgemental and open when it comes to music. My three current favorite bands are Type O Negative, Joy Division, and the Cure.
• Nature walks and camping
I really enjoy camping, making fires, and relaxing by a campfire. I love to take walks outside and just enjoy the beauty and simplicity of nature. It's wonderful, especially in a world so focused on everything digital.
• Repairing things
I'm a maintenance guy and one of my hobbies is electronics repair so I am good with my hands and just all around good at troubleshooting and fixing all sorts of things around the house. Last week I helped my elderly neighbor get his tractor started, it needed a new component in the starting circuit. So I'm pretty handy which... Comes in handy! 😂
• Autumn 🍁
This isn't a hobby per say, but man do I love the fall!!! It's my absolute favorite time of the year. Oh my gosh. The beautiful colors, crisp cool air, misty and foggy days, rain, lack of bugs, being cuddled up with a candle or by the fire drinking a tea, etc. I love it! There's only two seasons for me. Fall, and waiting for fall! Haha.
• Scented Candles and incense
Going along with my love for fall, I absolutely love candles! I have like 30 something lol. 😂 Currently my favorite are WoodWick, which are owned by Yankee candle. They have such a soothing crackle and the scents are great! I also love to burn incense from time to time as well. I have cottagecore hippie vibes.
• Old houses and architecture
I love old houses! Especially 1900s and Victorian era homes. Old homes have so much character to them and are just so beautiful from a time when people took pride in their craft. I strongly dislike the modern cookie cutter cheap construction of homes today. I would love to live in an old home one day. I also love their architecture and uniqueness, as well as architecture of old cathedrals and other buildings.
• Relaxing
Basic I know, but sometimes on the weekend I just love to get cozy in bed and relax and put on a YouTube video or an album! 😊
That's about it for me, I'm a pretty laid back and simple person. My ideal person is someone who is respectful and honest! I am very straightforward and open minded and would hope that you are as well.
If I seem interesting to you at all I would love to hear from you!
Thank you so much for reading.
submitted by AutumnFanatic to MeetNewPeopleHere [link] [comments]
Hi and welcome to my post! Wanted to start off with a funny to me dad joke.
Nice to meet you, I'm Dylan! To put it simple, I am a single 22 year old man who has been pretty lonely in life and lacking in female connection and interaction. And part of what comes with that is the desire to be intimate with a person. I am very mature for my age and will always be respectful of your boundaries and feelings, especially with anything sexual. Lately all I have is myself when it comes to sexual desires, so I would like to have someone to keep company with in that regard too.
I'm just relaxing at work since there's nothing really going on and thinking about going home tonight and burning a woodwick candle. Perfect for when there's a storm outside. I love candles! 🕯️ Sometimes a campfire outside on a fall night or a crackling WoodWick candle is a relaxing constant among our busy and hectic world. It's nice to just disconnect, feel grounded and happy in your own little cozy space. Feeling calm and collected and at peace. Something that fewer people take the time to do these days.
I am seeking a woman around my age or older to build a close connection with that could possibly lead to a relationship and something intimate which includes the possibility of teasing/sharing pics etc. but only when we were comfortable. Figured I would be open in my Intentions as that's the best way to be.
You:
Kind, respectful, and easy going.
Comfortable with the idea of eventually sharing intimate things together.
Willing to eventually move off of Reddit.
Want something genuine and fun!
Are honest in your intentions and a good person to be around!
That's about it, we will get along great I know it.
I've been feeling a little bummed out lately. I always try and stay happy and see the best in things. But.. I've just been so alone. Most of my whole childhood and adult years have been spent feeling lonely. I grew up surrounded by cornfields which was peaceful but also has a lonely aspect to it. My family never really were close and never did anything as a family really. And part of it too is the fact that I never had any neighbors my age to interact with. But aside from that, my adult life has been very lonely. I'm just always by myself. I barely have any meaningful adult relationships or experiences, or even any friends.
I work a 3-11 job in building maintenance at my company world headquarters building which I love, but again it's very lonely. I work the off shift so the building is always empty. I don't get normal social interaction with people my age or a chance to build relationships. I only have 3 older men as co-workers and we are mostly in the basement away from any people on the floors from knowing our existence. I always walk the floors and see office people laughing and chatting with their coworkers and I just don't have that kind of experience. And just.. no one knows I exist really. Everyone probably assumes I have a lot of friends, but I'm struggling inside with being so alone and trying to meet people and get past the "hi how are you?" "I'm good thanks" stage. Most people don't seem to want to talk beyond that. And most women are already in relationships and thus it would seem weird to approach them in an office setting trying to get to know them deeper. But man those "hi how are yous" are the only real interactions I get during my day.. so thus I decided to come here lol. Rant over, sorry! I promise I'm not a downer. 😅
Now for some things about me!
As you can tell, I am very mature for my age and am polite and have good grammar which unfortunately not everyone my age does anymore lol. I am not active at all on social media/internet culture really and don't know much about all the slang the younger people these days use. I feel like I'm 50. 🤣
I am left handed which is pretty cool. I'm not much of a party person or a drinker, I much prefer a quiet night at home and maybe a beer or two on a weekend but that's about it. I am simple and stay out of drama and trouble and don't get much into politics or other things that cause drama with people. I much prefer a relaxing campfire and a night at home and to just let the world keep on turning haha. I consider myself pretty intelligent and mature, especially for my age which is why I'm open to older ladies.
Physically I'm 180 pounds, have brown hair, green eyes, and a typical build. There's a few pictures on my profile.
Some of my hobbies are:
• Photography
I have a Nikon D200 and D5500 that I love to shoot with. I love nature scenes, abstract, black and white/goth kinda photography, sunsets, etc. it's so fun to just let your mind explore. It's not about what camera you have, but those who are behind the camera! I'm gonna try and photograph the northern lights tonight!
• Cooking and baking
I loveeee to cook and bake! I enjoy making various meals but also love to just have a frozen pizza once in awhile or something like that. I recently made homemade chili which turned out great. I love to bake, especially in the fall! I love pies, cakes, pastries, cookies, etc. I restored a vintage KitchenAid mixer that needed tbe gearbox rebuilt. Eventually I would love to practice home canning my own food.
• Music
Oh my gosh, I like so much!! Alternative rock, punk, post punk, electronic, synth pop, psychedelic rock, hard rock, etc. I am very non judgemental and open when it comes to music. My three current favorite bands are Type O Negative, Joy Division, and the Cure.
• Nature walks and camping
I really enjoy camping, making fires, and relaxing by a campfire. I love to take walks outside and just enjoy the beauty and simplicity of nature. It's wonderful, especially in a world so focused on everything digital.
• Repairing things
I'm a maintenance guy and one of my hobbies is electronics repair so I am good with my hands and just all around good at troubleshooting and fixing all sorts of things around the house. Last week I helped my elderly neighbor get his tractor started, it needed a new component in the starting circuit. So I'm pretty handy which... Comes in handy! 😂
• Autumn 🍁
This isn't a hobby per say, but man do I love the fall!!! It's my absolute favorite time of the year. Oh my gosh. The beautiful colors, crisp cool air, misty and foggy days, rain, lack of bugs, being cuddled up with a candle or by the fire drinking a tea, etc. I love it! There's only two seasons for me. Fall, and waiting for fall! Haha.
• Scented Candles and incense
Going along with my love for fall, I absolutely love candles! I have like 30 something lol. 😂 Currently my favorite are WoodWick, which are owned by Yankee candle. They have such a soothing crackle and the scents are great! I also love to burn incense from time to time as well. I have cottagecore hippie vibes.
• Old houses and architecture
I love old houses! Especially 1900s and Victorian era homes. Old homes have so much character to them and are just so beautiful from a time when people took pride in their craft. I strongly dislike the modern cookie cutter cheap construction of homes today. I would love to live in an old home one day. I also love their architecture and uniqueness, as well as architecture of old cathedrals and other buildings.
• Relaxing
Basic I know, but sometimes on the weekend I just love to get cozy in bed and relax and put on a YouTube video or an album! 😊
That's about it for me, I'm a pretty laid back and simple person. My ideal person is someone who is respectful and honest! I am very straightforward and open minded and would hope that you are as well.
If I seem interesting to you at all I would love to hear from you!
Thank you so much for reading.
2024.05.15 23:04 Ur_Anemone How Celibate Women Became a Threat
 | Amid a number of recent pivots, including scrapping the women-message-first system it launched with 10 years ago, dating app Bumble recently unveiled a new ad campaign that seemed to take aim at its primary demographic: women. Over the weekend of May 11, a number of TikTok users in the Los Angeles area posted the dating app’s new anti-celibacy billboards, which appear to tease women who have sworn off sex and dating… submitted by Ur_Anemone to afterAWDTSG [link] [comments] The billboards generated considerable backlash from women on TikTok, with a creator @Fleeksie posting, “LADIES! The patriarchy is SCARED!! They’re losing us and they’re panicking!!” Julia Fox, for her part, commented on one of the posts: “2.5 years of celibacy and never been better tbh.” The overwhelmingly negative response to the campaign pushed Bumble to issue an apology on May 13, acknowledging the many valid reasons that move someone towards celibacy: restrictions on reproductive rights, recovering from trauma or abuse, or existing as asexual. “We have heard the concerns shared about the ad’s language and understand that rather than highlighting a current sentiment towards dating, it may have had a negative impact on some of our community,” a Bumble spokesperson shared in a statement to TIME. The app has promised to remove the ads, as well as donate to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. But in attempting to make light of a social climate in which, as they worded it in their apology, “a community” (read: women) “are frustrated by modern dating,” Bumble ended up, inadvertently or not, mirroring the language many women experience when they tell men they are not interested. The sexless, “crazy cat lady” trope is a tale as old as time, but in the context of rising incel ideology—which psychologists partly attribute to women’s increased economic and social power—the sentiment still feels like a toxic, all-too-familiar neg… Even beyond the persistent pressure from individuals to participate in hookup culture…the dating industry at large is perpetually badgering single people to redownload, buy premium subscriptions, and remain in the romantic marketplace. This begs the question: Has a celibate woman become more threatening than a sexual one? Increasingly, women are both sexual and celibate at once, and perhaps that makes them doubly threatening: A new generation is proving that sexual empowerment doesn’t hinge on having lots of sex, or even sex at all. In 2023, I wrote about the rise of “celibate sluts,” people who consider themselves sexual but have taken big steps back from sex, usually when they realize sex isn’t serving them, and found peace… Across age groups and genders, studies suggest that people are having less sex, a phenomenon that’s been called the “sex recession” and largely cast in a negative light. In 2021, the General Social Survey found that over a quarter of Americans over 18 hadn’t had sex once in the past year, which is a 30-year high. Not to mention women, overall, are opting out of dating: 2020 Pew Research Data found 61% of single men were actively looking for dates, compared to 38% of women. Rather than examining the social, economic, and political conditions that may make sex and dating unappealing for individuals, particularly women, the impetus is put on the individuals to fix it. What I found when reporting my book, Laid and Confused: Why We Tolerate Bad Sex and How to Stop, is that young people are consciously opting out of sex and dating, largely due to swiping burnout, but also due to setting higher standards for romantic partners… The truth is, being single is incredibly healthy for people who want or need to be, and studies show that single women without children are often happier than their married counterparts with children. Celibacy can facilitate some of this joy. Online conversations about the “male loneliness epidemic” tend to rope in women as a potential solve, particularly on incel forums. Yes, male loneliness is a real problem: A 2021 American Perspectives survey found that the number of men who reported not having a single close friend had quintupled to 15% since 1990. For unmarried men under 30, 25% say they have no close friends at all. Consistently, studies show that men have a harder time making and keeping friendships. But women don’t owe men companionship, even if those men are lonely. While all Americans are reporting fewer close friendships than they had before the pandemic, the same American Perspectives Survey found that young women are more likely than young men to lean on their friends for support. While loneliness affects all genders, women who opt out of dating are more likely to do so by choice. If men’s loneliness is stemming from a lack of sex, many women clearly benefit from that lack. When it comes to the business of dating apps, the most relevant principle isn’t necessarily patriarchal, but inherently capitalist: celibate, app-less women are not lucrative, an issue that the entire industry is grappling with. The business of dating, in general, is floundering: Dating app downloads are starting to fall, and a Pew Research study found that more people are dissatisfied with the apps than ever before… |
2024.05.15 22:46 MisterSharpie God I wanna be a girl so bad
I’m writing this here cause I don’t have many people that I can talk about this with but I just wanna be a girl so bad. I’m 22 and in a position atm where I can’t be open about it with my family or do hrt yet and it’s killing me inside it makes me feel miserable I wanna cry when I see women in shows and tv cause I wish I was them aka a woman. I realized I was trans about 2 years ago and the thought of wanting to be a girl has never left. It would single handedly save my life and my future to be able to live my truth and the thought of being forced to play the role of a man cause I’m not out makes me feel so empty inside and in a situation where I either have to wait till my grandparents die (they’re practically my parents and raised me and being financially supported by them) or risk coming out and getting kicked out, it just makes me feel so trapped and hopeless. I do not wanna sit around for years waiting for them to just pass alway already, as fucked up as that sounds. I just feel like I’m at my wits end with this I really wanna do hrt but idk if I can hide it from my grandparents but I just need to be a woman. Am I valid in my identity? Am I actually a woman?
submitted by MisterSharpie to MtF [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 22:45 aseriesofbruhmoments I fucked up myself up
Im a guy and i just turned 23. And in my time being a 22 year old i have fucked up catastrophically multiple times. It has caused me depression/anxiety issues which I am currently battling right now.
Before i made these bad decisions (which ill get to), i was super charismatic, super funny, and good looking too. A lot of people enjoyed my company and i was really good at making connections.
A year ago, i had a friend group, and i was the new person in it. A couple in that friend group broke up, and then i went and made out with her for like an hour in front of everybody in a club. I also told her that i wasnt friends with her ex, which he obviously was hurt by. The couple ended up getting back together the next day.
As a result, i was kicked out of that friend group. This resulted in months of pain and distress.
Then around 6 months ago, i asked out another girl. This girl was somebody i had met through an old friend, and she dated his brother for 6.5 years, who i also knew from middle school but havent seen in 10 years. I ask my old friend if shes single and he tells me to shoot my shot. Well, i date her for about a month and a half, and we sleep together multiple times.
Now, i am not really friends with her anymore, my relationship with my old friend is more distant, and i fear ive destroyed the relationship with his brother. This sucks because i know his whole family and do want to see them again. I don't know how this is going to affect my relationships with them.
Now im at a point where i am just super critical of my character. I almost feel sick at times when i think about sleeping with that girl. I have a really weird anxiety that comes over me at times. I also barely even feel like pursuing women at this point. I do think i am slowly healing and recovering from this.
I just want to be the person i used to be before these bad decisions.
Lesson: DON’T DATE IN YOUR SOCIAL CIRCLE, especially someone’s ex
If anybody has any advice or words of wisdom, please let me know. I am now in the rebuilding phase of my life.
submitted by aseriesofbruhmoments to offmychest [link] [comments]
Before i made these bad decisions (which ill get to), i was super charismatic, super funny, and good looking too. A lot of people enjoyed my company and i was really good at making connections.
A year ago, i had a friend group, and i was the new person in it. A couple in that friend group broke up, and then i went and made out with her for like an hour in front of everybody in a club. I also told her that i wasnt friends with her ex, which he obviously was hurt by. The couple ended up getting back together the next day.
As a result, i was kicked out of that friend group. This resulted in months of pain and distress.
Then around 6 months ago, i asked out another girl. This girl was somebody i had met through an old friend, and she dated his brother for 6.5 years, who i also knew from middle school but havent seen in 10 years. I ask my old friend if shes single and he tells me to shoot my shot. Well, i date her for about a month and a half, and we sleep together multiple times.
Now, i am not really friends with her anymore, my relationship with my old friend is more distant, and i fear ive destroyed the relationship with his brother. This sucks because i know his whole family and do want to see them again. I don't know how this is going to affect my relationships with them.
Now im at a point where i am just super critical of my character. I almost feel sick at times when i think about sleeping with that girl. I have a really weird anxiety that comes over me at times. I also barely even feel like pursuing women at this point. I do think i am slowly healing and recovering from this.
I just want to be the person i used to be before these bad decisions.
Lesson: DON’T DATE IN YOUR SOCIAL CIRCLE, especially someone’s ex
If anybody has any advice or words of wisdom, please let me know. I am now in the rebuilding phase of my life.
2024.05.15 22:39 Still_Ad_4928 Of Hearts and Women Part-II (Book-Sample)
Not shared, nor my shade; but something to be weaved; just as the measure of disappointment became it's own solution. But I talked my way through things forbidden, just to find myself blind in bed with those who are dead. Clumsy, but altogether natural of course, because it's consciousness what you refer in the description, yet that's what we don't get a lot about. See your deeds the way you are seen, and then return to a restless place: and the question in-between sheets will be why. Well, I just can't motivate myself to work without hot bitches staring. And that's the truth. Sad but True
— Hearfelt comment for an instagram witch.
Del desprecio a ese descarte, no he visto muchas cosas. Así se pasa una más para las cuentas, y aquí otro más para los versos, por qué aquí no hemos sido vistos. Cuánto más querría uno, que sino lo cuentas ni mucho menos piensas: << lo de este pibe que cosa más horrible>>, haciendo eso lamentable, por qué en decirlo nadie ha mentido. ¡Es horrible! Que cara es entonces la cuenta de lo que le sale a uno vivir sin más complejos; mejor seria cobrarmelo, para así saber que de algo ha valido. Bloqueame.
— Heartfelt comment for a random supermodel-to-be.
The Spirit of Fire
Flames begone, flames in spite: their warmth I felt - so I closed my fist until I could feel the warmth of my blood in my hand. And in dreams Fire came up to me and said: who am I? And I said unto him: you are bound to my bidding, thus your name misery will be. But fire wretched as he was, got closer and asked: and who are you?
And I said unto him that the blood of David ran through my veins, as I was his heir; for the mother of God claim me from death as a son. So Fire tried me, and figured it out.
You are son of woman —said Fire unto me— but as Fire acknowledged the name, I extended my left hand, and took Fire by the neck throwing him into the gound. — You are going to lace yourself to the right hand of the beast, and you'll keep him steady, so I can cleanly take him down. And Fire stayed down, and with his forehead kissing the ground asked unto me —why would the heir of David do so to earthly man?
And I said unto Fire that the beast from the abyss had left no mother for God, so I was to leave none of his body left for his head; as I was going to make it bleed until the end of the end of times.
The Spirit of Earth
Shapeless and without body, but keen within her many numbers, Earth came up to me in dreams, and said: who am I? And posessed in spirit as I was, I said unto her, that God had made her maiden again, and that she shall become the coins that Judas never received, which were to become the due payment of man and women for the body of Christ. Then I extended my right hand, and grabbed Earth by her hair —which descended deep into the abysses of hell— and cut it short so the demons of Lilith would no longer had her gripped by her back.
You are now a woman, and I'm going to rise you from the grounds. You'll lace yourself to the left hand of the beast, and keep it steady so with one shot I can cleanly take him down.
The Spirit of Air
A dream shaped by written words, whispered down for years by the currents of this Montain, and it's requiem witnessed but by a few — the end of dreams. But from where I standed at the peak, I called upon the distant currents that went down, and asked them: who am I?
And Air came unto me as bird, which had thousands of letters for feathers, and in the tongue of dead men answered.
"Somebody who only a few will remember by strange deeds; as the burden on your back, is a past tainted by impossible dreams. You were a lunatic giving new names to folk, and folk never bothered to remember —so your name must be freak, as you died in a forgotten shack some short time ago."
And as Air said these things upon me, I called Misery —as I had dubbed Fire — and told him to get inside my shot. The burden as Air had said, became lesser as i took the shot from my quiver. And I said upon Misery; that he was to set ablaze this arrow, as I was taking down the bird of Britain, and that I would do so, so God would give the deeds of Earth some better names.
The Lord is making a bridge between the empire of strength, and the last empire of men. Now by God's grace, I'm making the tongue of free men, the tongue of Spain. You will be eventually bound to my bidding, and if not me, it will be to the one I'm preceding; for I'm giving you twenty years to attone your wrongdoing. Alas, now because of your wretchedness, my shot on earthly men won't be clean, for his left leg won't stay steady.
Your old name was apathy, now I'm calling you Cisma, which in the tongue of dead men means schism. So now by the will of God lay unto the ground and say the words you've been teached. And as the arrow blazed forward, it's bending motion pierced the veil hiding the secret ladder of men. The bird of Britain catched on Fire, and it's hollering resounded throught the ladders of the mountain until the depths of the abyss. A column of air turned into fire, then violenty erupted from the vowels of the bird, and the wild fire spread as a storm from west to east all throughout the five kingdoms of men away from its own fiery wings, with a gift of misery and a few words to say.
"The name of your woman or the name of your man, will no longer explain their purpose to a man, a woman, or God. Charred words written by thunder will now be the new ladder of men — but until then, darkness upon thee."
The House of Water
I head into the coasts, and the beautiful beaches in-between, to find the stranger who burns images in the skin of men. He is the stranger, and has adopted the body of a monster, and he is one who cannot be understood, so he went on to only go out home in stunts, for the burdens in his heart have become too great to bear. Through terrible pains he has given all he once was for an identity, and as I pick up on his past, i found familiarity in the feelings of his heart. Oh dear friend how we found looking in sadness to ourselves, after doing same but with different means, carrying into our shoulders the loneliness of this world. As you have in-skin the garments of the strange doctrine that I preach — I shall congrate you, for you truly have fought the world entire, for my doctrine is the words of those who shall defeat the world entire.
I may not have your strangeness in-body, but I have it in these words, and in the true feelings of my heart. And I say in admiration that there's no higher form of art, philosophy or religion: than those who perform the highest thing they can give a name about.
Now even within solitude, and at odds with what old dead men call God, I see you and I found strength in you, as I can see you are within me, and in that, you are within everything as it should be - as is meant in everyone who does something that touches the heart of another man. I call this the kingdom of God. Yet blind men and women will wonder how can the kingdom of God possibly be within two outcasts such as you and me.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Upong giving my regards and waiting for response, I found my way into a bench. It was a warm afternoon, and the wind carried the water of the sea. The bird of Britain came about down from the wind of north, and layed on the bench were I was sitting.
The bird asked: why hast thou become this?
And I said back to bird, scorched he was and nearing death, that it was me someone who was supposed to give names, yet for years I couldn't figure out one for myself. Then on went to being given a name, Alas all the wrong ones. Did Adan gave himself a name? - I asked the bird back. And there was no response from bird. Then I continued.
A man has the essence of his soul retained by what he is seen doing. Yet I did things nobody saw, so my soul wasn't with God but with something just as ancient, and nonetheless unknown by men in its true nature — then Satan as the better known devil, came about and pushed me into a hole. It was my own doing. Yet the things I did, I thought were seen. But nonetheless what I did was without contemplation on a posible return. Just as somebody who prints an image on their own skin. It's permanent. This is the essence of a memory in the soul of the man who's seen by others. But in the familiarity of a man who picked every irreversible decision like the Alien, I find myself feeling sympathy, for the man is still not what he has been seen doing, he shall redeem himself by what he decides to turn himself into.
Is this a way of saying that you want to get yourself a tattoo? Get a new look? - the bird mockingly asked.
And I gave the scorched bird no answer.
Then the bird said unto me: what about your career as a prophet, uh? And the things you said about returning with substance? Do you actually think this is substance?
And i considered what the Bird said, then I negated with a movement of my own head. It is not i answered, but i find the memories of me not making sense unbearable. For those mean the memories of a fool, un pendejo, an insane person, or both. And I will always try to amend what I don't do well. But now I wish for only one thing, and it is to be remembered as someone who makes sense, and who out of that sense, made good upon the world. I don't expect anything in return for what I do now, as it is merely an outlet to keep me sane while I finish editing my work. It's clear I'm too incompetent to be a competent influencer. As for once, I don't care about influencing anyone into what I think; but to perform what I think it's important.
Then every proverbial student is free to take classes so as they see fit, and to interpret such classes as their comprehension gives them grasp of what it's said. In such regard, this is what I offer now, while I make the journey to Madrid. And the bird tilted it's head so as to observe me with his left eye, then after a long impasse, it made a loud and painful caw, and finally flew away. Soon after the bird flew, I looked upon the stars in the nascent night, and confessed to them, that it was the memories of who we were, what often stumps us into wrong beliefs of who we should be, maybe even wasting an entire lifetime retained by that which other people remembered us as being. But we are not the owners of our own names, the place we go, and our destiny. That's the biggest lie the western world of hollywood heros tell you, as in truth is collective agreement what determines what we look like doing and thus the meaning we should comfort to, recalling that names are practical mechanisms to remember the purpose of things, their meaning, and how their motion is described in the world.
But making the task of beating that collective belief, akin to the Nietzschean ideal of the camel turning into the lion, so as to transform it's spirit and become something else. But if it's the golden dragon of all the huamn values which judges you insane, will you be prepared to wrestle with the entire culture so as to have your way?
As I layed my eyes upon each star counting up to the number seventeen, I confessed of being scared of those beliefs, as revisiting the past, became a painful deed — and as I prepared to leave, I uttered one wish on the seventeenth point in the sky.
Lord please grant me strength, the way you have given my friend strenght.
2.
The night deepen, while the sea tide sang its own song of breathing. Some time passed, and then on the stranger showed himself approaching at the distance. I waved my hand at him, and after the instant, he found his way into my bench while I welcomed him with an extended fist which he casually bumped - after the short acknowledgement the dark alien looked at my face in between it's cover of dark, and looking at it undiscernable in its true features, with suspicion asked.
— What is it that you want?
I acknowledged him as a friend, then mentioned my brief research, as I had come to know him as man looking for a job, yet nobody would hire for things mundane due to his appearance. I listened closely to the news, and came to understand that this was a man looking for a second chance.Then I saw the intent behind his doing, and two words came to stick to my own thoughts. The first one was <> and the second one was <>. I was admired.
In analytical psychology I figured this man was the ESFP —the personality archetype related to the performer and the entertainer—, possessed in an abnormal way by the spirit by which a person submits to it's contrary nature, seeking to integrate and find fulfillment through the chase of what's perceived absent. If he was the ESFP then doing the flip by following the radial axis of each Jungian function in the stack towards their opposite resulted in the INTJ. The mastermind. The architect. The genius yet awfully complex individual. That was the elusive spirit he was chasing.
But a spirit and a character that at its most pronounced embodiment in a person, would experience life as an eternal foreigner hiding from the light of other men. Such made sense to me, for I myself was the INTJ, and had at spirit the ESFP. Him. So where as this man chased the spiritual fulfillment of being a complex and deep individual, I chased the fulfillment of becoming simpler, so I could demonstrate with action the deepest desires of my heart. One who was born plentiful in means to be liked, becomes complex, mysterious and uncomprehended, meeting one who will be seen trying to make sense becoming simpler. For Carl Jung portrayed the anima and animus of individuals, as the sense of what its absent, yet deeply cherished an valued. So I said these things to the alien, while he silently listened to me.
— All of that sounds like bullshit to me. -Said the alien after some contemplation .— Sorry but the things you say, don't mean anything to me.
And alas for I expected such response, as if one thing was true about this journey, was that explaining the journey in and of itself would become it's grimmest task. I affirmated what he just said with a slight nod of head.
— These things I say and how they relate to each other, in its excercise are similar to doing stecheometric balance with equations in the head, but simpler I'm afraid. - Then I paused, looked back into the sea, and continued. — That's high school chemistry, but I don't expect everybody to pick up on it, nor like it, nor understand it.
— Now i have called you a friend, and where I came from we dub with this title the people we share destiny with. As far as I'm concerned, we are chasing the same thing, which is the hardest posible thing. We both innately understand that we are not home, as we want our spirit to return to us, and that's not what a lot of people ever honestly try to attempt in a lifetime; as such is anyone's call to feel complete.
— And very few people ever reach true individuality, beyond the name they are imposed at birth.
Then I looked into the black alien, and in-between his foreign facial features, I interpreted something familiar. Disturbance. And I continued.
— We have given ourselves hell as we lived chasing something hard, so we can avoid the same hell later on when we are finally back to our own house. This is a christian precept, altought a rundimentary one. Does that makes sense to you?
And after listening such, the black alien calmly looked at the veil in my face in silence. Trying to discern what my face actually looked like, but the night was dark. Then turned his stare back to the reflection of the moon over the waters, giving some thought to what I just said. I opened up my backpack, and drawed two cans of beer from it. Offered one to him, and he silently refused with a gesture of hand. I popped my can and gave it a sip, while I myself stared at the tides coming in and out of the shore.
— If you wan't a tattoo, we can work that out. But this sounds annoyingly familiar, and my interest is not religious. Are you religious?
I nodded in affirmation, and complemented saying. — But my doctrine is something nobody has heard nor seen. For its aim, is doing as Christ said, in perfect means. Yet its true that the teaching fits you, as it's the teaching of the future man; and there's nothing in common between the current man and the future man, as they may very well be different species. This is the precept of evolution.
The alien seemed surprised.
— These two men don't know each other, for the current man doesn't know where the future man comes from, for he himself doesn't know where he is going. Yet in deep realization of your own artistic concept, I think you might want new ideas to meet with your appearance. So tell me, are you curious about what truly happens to a man after he dies? Do you want to learn how to read someone's mind? Do you want to blast with words of fire the hearts of an amazed crowd?
But the black alien broke his calm contemplation of what I was saying, and slighty disturbed, aggressively rebuked after hearing such.
— But you mentioned 'Christ', so you must be christian. How can a christian even say anything interesting in this current time? Last time I asked, their sayings were dreaded by restriction - so why would anyone condemn themselves to a life of bore? Are you a christian?
And I nodded after the question, in silence. Admittedly, for I knew what the problem was with being what I was, and my new companion was bang on identifying it. Made a pause, then raised my sight to where it met with the sky and the stars in it, and I said back to him.
— I am, but not one of a type you have ever seen, for the Christ that comes, is a Christ of art.
2.
The riptide sang, in its secret dialect of earth and sea. I looked upon the coast, turned an eye blind, and saw the ocean as the scorpio, and the land as the taurus; as it was the struggle between two lovers, never meant to consume each other. Ideal love then - yet not to confuse with this partnership as it was whimsilcally tied by the means in which i arranged my current conversation; for my lady somewhere waited for me. Then i allowed my eyes to rest still.
The alien looked upon me, undiscernable in my intentions, and again figured for himself that my interest towards him wasn’t clear. In suspicion, and after the moment he collected his thoughts asked “In your weird words you dubbed me performer, so what is it exactly that you wan’t from me. To me it seems like you are gathering people for some form of religious clown show. When you forced this meeting upon me, was this a proposal you thought i would find amusement in?”. And after the statement my own stare wandered in my conversation partner. While as he had his say, i returned to my can of beer, and finished it with a long gulp. Tempered in an unwillingness to fall to my new found friend irritation, i said within my own thoughts: “The alien looks easy going, but he is barbed in wit”.
Then i opened the can of beer that the stranger rejected; the loud pop resounded in the relative silence, interrupting for a moment the steady chorus of the sea. Gave it a long sip, and said.
– Theres no proposal in place yet. But im certain of something, and that is that both of us are messed individuals which reached the bottom doing the same thing - but the way my understandment of the human soul goes: two people can act by mere interaction as reactives to each other, creating a new chemical compound after the fact.
– This new psychology is very much like chemistry. But it is not my intention to draw you into something, but to pull myself out of this «something» by doing right on another person and maybe that person reflecting the good back on me. I just need a conversation partner, thats all. And i will do this with you, and with many people more. Presidents included.
The alien reflected on it, and after the hiatus of a long standing position of suspicion he finally gave in, and eased up with a slight smile. A strange smile of relief. But the smile, was all too familiar for me, as i realized the man was a tortured individual: a person in long standing pain. I smiled back the way he did, and continued.
– Our pain has a common name, and is a name that can be written with words unfortunately. It’s the devilish mother of all spiritual ills and its foundation, rests at the concept of a past that wasnt solved. It’s called «inadequeacy», and for people like you and me, understanding one day that such inadecuacy had to be solved by our own means, lead us into an act where our name changed as the changes in our cover up act to solve our inadequacy did.
– We never honored the past or the present in our pursuit, as we desired in passion to find solution to the present, by matching it into the idealization of some future without ever realizing that the old or present essence of ones being would be crushed into non existance by said future.
– Then we found the realization of that new name, only to understand that its demands became a tyranny on the other faces of our soul: as our soul is not something that can be undestood in unity, but something that conceives in the beginning in multiple things which try to give shape to one thing. Theres many people in a village, and our minds, are no exception.
— But happiness is only achieved by those who have their soul entire - or those who are the same person regardless of the context and scenario. And we gave to much to somebody that wasn't us, as our spirit took possession and lead us down.
– This is this the essence by which someone goes to hell, only to do one thing over again, getting an ever lasting pain for all the things that were given up chasing that which was absent. The more someone is forced into being shaped by the thing that was concevied in lust, the more the individual misses the place they used to call home, for that is no longer within ones reach. Does this makes sense to you?
The alien left me with no answer, and as he contemplated the sea, a tear travelled through his strange face.
– In this state of anguish, affliction rarely ever feels company, as the very individual condition that was pursued, became a full suit and persona to be forced upon and wear. Hell, is one lonely place man because we only learn to speak a language, that only makes sense to ourselves. But i think we can find a way out of it. This is why I'm here.
“Look, what you’ve done, it’s not something i can see the way you can see my own doing on me.” The alien replied. “Besides the way in which i canno’t see your face in this night, you seem ordinary — but what you talk and the way you say it, evokes in every word regret. What is it that you’ve done that has you regret like this?”
As the alien finished speaking, I emptied the can of beer, layed my eyes on the irregular grooves that my feet had left on the sand, and then replied back to him, after making a recap of the story i had repeatedly told myself after falling down.
“My story, is the fairy tale of a guy who makes way for the new coming of a new man; a better man for the world, while he casts disarray upon the earth: much to his dismay, at the expense of his own soul as the people who become victims of disasters, were ones who this man deemed unfair; cruel, evil, despicable in past. That was at the beginning."
"Theres a pile of corpses behind that character — even in covid time, people as close as the local priest of the small town he lived in, would break their neck after falling in the shower, as he had the slightest suspicion of their secret deeds. All clean deads for that matter. Untraceable to nothing but sheer randomness. Magic as it seeems. But were this folk truly evil people or even guilty of anything? You may ask - the man never knew it for sure, as he never had faculties such as godly omniscience to actually know it; which has taken a toll on him, as the burden of justice is an unberable one for anything but a god."
"Which leads to another point: spontaneously picturing random numbers in the head, associating them with psychological compounds by angular momentum, and actually being bang on the suspicion. Truth friend, in its stochastic presentation: it's unberable.”
“Consequential of such attempts to rationalize his own story in the eyes of people such as close family, my dude became clinically diagnosed with referenced thinking. Which are fancy words for schizophrenia. Nobody believed the story as it was uttered."
"Yet the consequences are there for everyone to see, altought not visible in their cause and effect by anybody but this guy, which lead him first into regret over ever starting his quest as a reformer; and then repent.”
“Now before he realized of this lets call it «curse», he preached for years over the internet as the disasters started to slowly creep up. He preached in a fashion parallel to Niestzches Zarathustra; Zarathustra meaning a famous philosophical device artificied by the philosopher Niestzche, who’s aim was to portray the best posible man, as something he dubbed the <<Übermensch>> ”.
“Such concept being the seemingly more elegant brand of a humanist ideal for a not so distant future: today - albeit a wrong one, for this guy was not dyonisian himself. The backbone of his framework, is analytical psycholgy becoming a chariot for a true understandment of human nature: and ultimately a facilitator for love within light: not within ignorance; not within darkness. Most philosophers today though would mock anything analytical in it's aim."
"Then on the guy preached and dwelved further into the relative hole of his own doctrine: and became imprisoned by what he didn’t got right at first attempt, making him in the process the character that Nietzsche from the comfort of his own writers seat, never attempted to actually embody within realistic means: eventually figuring out within himself the ultimate Nietzschean aristocrat: a magic pen granted by being capetian by mother: from judah by father."
"But Alas, you have no idea how common suicide is within philosophers after they finish their best work. As language, becomes the ultimate barrier for understandment, and then to ones capacity to feel love. Difference — true saliency in ones individual destiny— leads to the gravest posible pain. Ironic isn’t it?”
“Besides technical work with a new form of psychology inspired by analytical chemistry, as that drawed from his efforts during the light of day, five years ago, once he felt the urge to try to reach out to the world from a position of what he deemed was greater understandment: he primitively preached during night his new set of ideas for people to behave beyond the limitations of manipulative psychology, albeit a harsh doctrine meant to clear the way for a better product: Christ himself."
"This is not a doctrine a human being can actually perform, as such its christianity at its highest capacity to bear fruit. It’s an impossible doctrine, yet solves the oldest problem posed in the bible. All which sounds very sci-fi bullshit-y but actual problems started for the protagonist in this tale, when the preaching matched with terrible consequences. Not figurative, but within tangible reality.”
“So just as we talk, theres a small legion of hackers pretending to be doing internet social experiments while talking in an artsy matter: much in my own style, entertaining the exact same concepts - a legion of dangerous monkeys, i have no control over."
"One of the many unexpected consequences being this, yet prompted by something evil; ancient: essentially replicating what my protagonist developed and then preached over the years, while these "hacktivists" lay their attention on things and people, as they select them and enforce upon them strict surveillance, to behave properly. Then to destroy them, as they did in 2020 with many corporations and institutions.A bizarre combination of theater actors to my own liking, and then cyber-security demigods: omniscient in their claims to surveill, and they are - derivative such of another device of what I've done; which is to build a theater so people can make-believe that they are infact performing within themselves something greater - but that's matter for another story."
“Most of the corpses piling up flat out dead, have no relation to him whatsoever; they became victims as my protagonist took measures to fight back the monster he found at the foundation of the known world. This is not an elaborate analogy for one's own unseen capacity for evil, as i mean this: a monster as literally as it can be. For these things friend, im doomed as in true strenght, i have nothing but the pen i use to write down what i think albeit always at danger of it’s eventual inversion. I have no real friends left. Not one who can understand, or help bear the pain: as friendship and love are all gated by understandment."
"The full story has many more vertients, but i think i’ve done it enough justice. This is the predicament of an insane man chased by his own shadow as he builds a better man: one who delivers heavenly things, and then a shadow stringed to deliver tyranny as the very strings behind him make the better man stumble while he tries to keep a grasp of his own spirit, and then of his own soul."
"That monster behind, is wicked smart — and cannot be outwitted nor overpowered but anything but divine smite."
“I’m heading now to a new country, to try to get friends from the only institution in the world who knows and adresses the current times being, and who by extension, might believe me. And to clarify, these being the end of times; but not the end of the world. Yet now i myself have a damocles sword pending over my own head, and i need to do something about it before it falls.”
And as i said these things, i reached out to my backpack drawing a third can of beer from it — besides my own super laptop, thats what my backpack had: an infinite supply of beer. Corona, Indio, Victoria, Dos Equis, Heineken; you name it. I popped the can, and gave it a long and definite sip as i emptied it complete.
The alien didn't try to show that he understood, but stood still in silence, with his sight in the sand below and pressing lips, knowing by my demeanor; that these things as I've said them was something that I needed to do. Then he said: "I don't follow man. You say you preach and then disasters occur. Like a prophet from the bible?"
"Yes. Then I preached to get rid of the things that are actually making the world worse, and something awoke soon after, and since then; everything I do is subject to being misinterpreted due to the diffamatory action of this thing. Now everytime I do something, it can be twisted and turned against my original intent. Right now the hackers are my worst problem: I may have a degree in computers but I have no fucking idea whatsoever of hacking. I earn my living as an A.I engineer.".
The alien raised his sight to meet with mine, and after doing some contemplation on the fact, quite simply said: "You are insane". Then lowered his own sight, and raised it again to meet with the sea and continued. "If you want a tattoo, we can work that out. But either way and whatever parts of your story are true and even worse; the ones you may be lying about: you sound dangerous in a delusional kind of sense, and my life is hard enough as is."
I pressed my fists, knowing then the old same thing had happened again. For I had never forced anything upon anybody, and I was willing to respect that until the bitter end. Then I released the build up of frustration with a loud sigh, and after this amend, I replied back.
"I understand and respect it. But let me just propose you that if you ever want to figure what is beyond life as it's lived by person who has never seen what is like to be someone you write a great story about; you can pin me, and I'll show you what's beyond that door. Give it some thought."
The alien; The Black Alien Project stayed there sitting, spechless but calm, almost expecting something else to be convinced about. But pointless, for i knew that nobody can be forced into anything without bringing a transgression into play – and i wasn’t one to taint myself in sin if it could be avoided. Not anymore.
3.
I made the distance at steady pace walking along the shore, until i found a small group of pines in-between the liminal space of the beach and the land. I sat with one of the pines trunk behind my back, and drawed the Schizo Pills from my eternal supply of traveller goodies.
Quetiapine 100 mg, and Olanzapine 10 mg, i made a smaller fragment from the olanzapine pill, and swallowed both complete. As their side effects were concerned, they would soon knock me out of conscience, as this little ritual was my own way of calling the day complete – then i layed there, vigilant, waiting for my own drowsiness to claim me into sleep - but the Bird of Britan came flying from above, and stood besides me.
\Chirp, Chirp, Chirp**
I watched the bird, annoyed, as its presence had become an omen for contempt. For me and the death people of my past. I frowned upon the little shit, and said nothing. The bird made a little nod, while tilting its head in excentricity the way birds do, and replied. — Hey Andrew!, do you remember when you tried to penetrate your own computer to make a universe grow inside of it? I just wan’t to know something: did your computer moan? Did it finally learnt how to scream your name?
\Chirp Chirp**
Ignoring the bird, i closed my eyes and stayed like that for a long moment, hoping to make the bird think i was asleep. Maybe that would make him leave.
— Can’t bullshit me like that Sweetheart. So please tell me something; why don’t you command one of your supermodels; these muses, to come here and warm the bed for you. It's a cold night and you seem lonely brah
. \Chirp Chirp**
I opened my eyes, and irritated, pointed menacingly at the bird turning my left hand into an imaginary gun. I had already failed at something today, and wasn’t convinced i needed the memory of the things i failed at before. Not now.
Said nothing.
"No longer care for love unless it's between good friends”. Said to myself. There was certainly a migraine coming, but maybe my dreams would help convince it otherwise. And as far as the hoes were concerned, Furious Angels would be there for them. Like the Rob Dougan song.
4.
Found my own mind after the slumber – asleep, then awake. I realized several hours passed - at least enough to wake up and witness the sun rise above the sea. But as for dreams, the light veil of their memories wasn't something to rely upon. But i did remember something, and it was some overtone in dread; an atmosphere of fear – and a kind of dread sustained in it’s inevitability by the urgency that builds upon dearth.
Now what exactly was it though? I couldn’t remember from my dreams, but ever since i falled to my own death i had always present in mind the future succesion of events that would follow when things started to go very wrong. Iran, the U.S, Israel - now whatever was it in the news; the outcome would be the same. A thousand more cuts to an already languishing economy. Make that corpse bleed, and then fall off a cliff.
As such things would be cooked, just as the bird of britain. The bird was still there though: just in pieces and roasted like the contents of a dropped KFC bucket would. But the little shit would return - as it always did. The economy? Not so much.
Yet i digress. None of the world circumstances mattered as far i was concerned – i had built a small and portable solar system to power my laptop, and my beer supply was well, infinite - i made myself sure that i had my needs covered whatever happened around me. Not tied to even a house for that matter. I incorporated myself and gave my back a stretch. The morning breeze coming from the sea evocated in my memories some time that had long passed – late childhood. I rejected those memories as they beared with them things i didnt wan’t to remember - then wen’t on as usual in my morning routine scrolling through my instagram feed, figuring if there were any new hoes to maybe motivate me into doing my God imposed labour.
Labour which was to either write, or to finish the House of Water — then after scrolling i did in fact saw a new hoe; i dropped a Faux Pas comment. Maybe she would play along, maybe not. Whatever. Sometimes I would put in a lot of effort to do a rhyme. But the effort depended on the insta-hoe in question. I know. Not the best of habits, but back in elementary school i was the kind of kid that would only get motivation when the girls in the classroom were present in physEd. And then i would run faster: whole lotta faster. Run Forrest! Run! Women love used to fuel me; and the habit sticked — and at the moment, i was kinda done with the idea of female trascendence. Would rely on their love, but not on their validation. Not like a simp. Fuck that.
Furthermore, what results did i demonstrably mustered after pursuing true egalitarianism and sharing it? Exactly. A bitch gonna do what a bitch gonna do, and so does the human female. After publishing the comment, I locked my phone and walked towards the highway, as i was planning to pay a visit to somebody long forgotten - I had kind of a schedule that i was going to follow, before taking the plane to Madrid and become hispanic Jon Snow from the walgreens Nightwatch.
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— Hearfelt comment for an instagram witch.
Del desprecio a ese descarte, no he visto muchas cosas. Así se pasa una más para las cuentas, y aquí otro más para los versos, por qué aquí no hemos sido vistos. Cuánto más querría uno, que sino lo cuentas ni mucho menos piensas: << lo de este pibe que cosa más horrible>>, haciendo eso lamentable, por qué en decirlo nadie ha mentido. ¡Es horrible! Que cara es entonces la cuenta de lo que le sale a uno vivir sin más complejos; mejor seria cobrarmelo, para así saber que de algo ha valido. Bloqueame.
— Heartfelt comment for a random supermodel-to-be.
The Spirit of Fire
Flames begone, flames in spite: their warmth I felt - so I closed my fist until I could feel the warmth of my blood in my hand. And in dreams Fire came up to me and said: who am I? And I said unto him: you are bound to my bidding, thus your name misery will be. But fire wretched as he was, got closer and asked: and who are you?
And I said unto him that the blood of David ran through my veins, as I was his heir; for the mother of God claim me from death as a son. So Fire tried me, and figured it out.
You are son of woman —said Fire unto me— but as Fire acknowledged the name, I extended my left hand, and took Fire by the neck throwing him into the gound. — You are going to lace yourself to the right hand of the beast, and you'll keep him steady, so I can cleanly take him down. And Fire stayed down, and with his forehead kissing the ground asked unto me —why would the heir of David do so to earthly man?
And I said unto Fire that the beast from the abyss had left no mother for God, so I was to leave none of his body left for his head; as I was going to make it bleed until the end of the end of times.
The Spirit of Earth
Shapeless and without body, but keen within her many numbers, Earth came up to me in dreams, and said: who am I? And posessed in spirit as I was, I said unto her, that God had made her maiden again, and that she shall become the coins that Judas never received, which were to become the due payment of man and women for the body of Christ. Then I extended my right hand, and grabbed Earth by her hair —which descended deep into the abysses of hell— and cut it short so the demons of Lilith would no longer had her gripped by her back.
You are now a woman, and I'm going to rise you from the grounds. You'll lace yourself to the left hand of the beast, and keep it steady so with one shot I can cleanly take him down.
The Spirit of Air
A dream shaped by written words, whispered down for years by the currents of this Montain, and it's requiem witnessed but by a few — the end of dreams. But from where I standed at the peak, I called upon the distant currents that went down, and asked them: who am I?
And Air came unto me as bird, which had thousands of letters for feathers, and in the tongue of dead men answered.
"Somebody who only a few will remember by strange deeds; as the burden on your back, is a past tainted by impossible dreams. You were a lunatic giving new names to folk, and folk never bothered to remember —so your name must be freak, as you died in a forgotten shack some short time ago."
And as Air said these things upon me, I called Misery —as I had dubbed Fire — and told him to get inside my shot. The burden as Air had said, became lesser as i took the shot from my quiver. And I said upon Misery; that he was to set ablaze this arrow, as I was taking down the bird of Britain, and that I would do so, so God would give the deeds of Earth some better names.
The Lord is making a bridge between the empire of strength, and the last empire of men. Now by God's grace, I'm making the tongue of free men, the tongue of Spain. You will be eventually bound to my bidding, and if not me, it will be to the one I'm preceding; for I'm giving you twenty years to attone your wrongdoing. Alas, now because of your wretchedness, my shot on earthly men won't be clean, for his left leg won't stay steady.
Your old name was apathy, now I'm calling you Cisma, which in the tongue of dead men means schism. So now by the will of God lay unto the ground and say the words you've been teached. And as the arrow blazed forward, it's bending motion pierced the veil hiding the secret ladder of men. The bird of Britain catched on Fire, and it's hollering resounded throught the ladders of the mountain until the depths of the abyss. A column of air turned into fire, then violenty erupted from the vowels of the bird, and the wild fire spread as a storm from west to east all throughout the five kingdoms of men away from its own fiery wings, with a gift of misery and a few words to say.
"The name of your woman or the name of your man, will no longer explain their purpose to a man, a woman, or God. Charred words written by thunder will now be the new ladder of men — but until then, darkness upon thee."
The House of Water
I head into the coasts, and the beautiful beaches in-between, to find the stranger who burns images in the skin of men. He is the stranger, and has adopted the body of a monster, and he is one who cannot be understood, so he went on to only go out home in stunts, for the burdens in his heart have become too great to bear. Through terrible pains he has given all he once was for an identity, and as I pick up on his past, i found familiarity in the feelings of his heart. Oh dear friend how we found looking in sadness to ourselves, after doing same but with different means, carrying into our shoulders the loneliness of this world. As you have in-skin the garments of the strange doctrine that I preach — I shall congrate you, for you truly have fought the world entire, for my doctrine is the words of those who shall defeat the world entire.
I may not have your strangeness in-body, but I have it in these words, and in the true feelings of my heart. And I say in admiration that there's no higher form of art, philosophy or religion: than those who perform the highest thing they can give a name about.
Now even within solitude, and at odds with what old dead men call God, I see you and I found strength in you, as I can see you are within me, and in that, you are within everything as it should be - as is meant in everyone who does something that touches the heart of another man. I call this the kingdom of God. Yet blind men and women will wonder how can the kingdom of God possibly be within two outcasts such as you and me.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Upong giving my regards and waiting for response, I found my way into a bench. It was a warm afternoon, and the wind carried the water of the sea. The bird of Britain came about down from the wind of north, and layed on the bench were I was sitting.
The bird asked: why hast thou become this?
And I said back to bird, scorched he was and nearing death, that it was me someone who was supposed to give names, yet for years I couldn't figure out one for myself. Then on went to being given a name, Alas all the wrong ones. Did Adan gave himself a name? - I asked the bird back. And there was no response from bird. Then I continued.
A man has the essence of his soul retained by what he is seen doing. Yet I did things nobody saw, so my soul wasn't with God but with something just as ancient, and nonetheless unknown by men in its true nature — then Satan as the better known devil, came about and pushed me into a hole. It was my own doing. Yet the things I did, I thought were seen. But nonetheless what I did was without contemplation on a posible return. Just as somebody who prints an image on their own skin. It's permanent. This is the essence of a memory in the soul of the man who's seen by others. But in the familiarity of a man who picked every irreversible decision like the Alien, I find myself feeling sympathy, for the man is still not what he has been seen doing, he shall redeem himself by what he decides to turn himself into.
Is this a way of saying that you want to get yourself a tattoo? Get a new look? - the bird mockingly asked.
And I gave the scorched bird no answer.
Then the bird said unto me: what about your career as a prophet, uh? And the things you said about returning with substance? Do you actually think this is substance?
And i considered what the Bird said, then I negated with a movement of my own head. It is not i answered, but i find the memories of me not making sense unbearable. For those mean the memories of a fool, un pendejo, an insane person, or both. And I will always try to amend what I don't do well. But now I wish for only one thing, and it is to be remembered as someone who makes sense, and who out of that sense, made good upon the world. I don't expect anything in return for what I do now, as it is merely an outlet to keep me sane while I finish editing my work. It's clear I'm too incompetent to be a competent influencer. As for once, I don't care about influencing anyone into what I think; but to perform what I think it's important.
Then every proverbial student is free to take classes so as they see fit, and to interpret such classes as their comprehension gives them grasp of what it's said. In such regard, this is what I offer now, while I make the journey to Madrid. And the bird tilted it's head so as to observe me with his left eye, then after a long impasse, it made a loud and painful caw, and finally flew away. Soon after the bird flew, I looked upon the stars in the nascent night, and confessed to them, that it was the memories of who we were, what often stumps us into wrong beliefs of who we should be, maybe even wasting an entire lifetime retained by that which other people remembered us as being. But we are not the owners of our own names, the place we go, and our destiny. That's the biggest lie the western world of hollywood heros tell you, as in truth is collective agreement what determines what we look like doing and thus the meaning we should comfort to, recalling that names are practical mechanisms to remember the purpose of things, their meaning, and how their motion is described in the world.
But making the task of beating that collective belief, akin to the Nietzschean ideal of the camel turning into the lion, so as to transform it's spirit and become something else. But if it's the golden dragon of all the huamn values which judges you insane, will you be prepared to wrestle with the entire culture so as to have your way?
As I layed my eyes upon each star counting up to the number seventeen, I confessed of being scared of those beliefs, as revisiting the past, became a painful deed — and as I prepared to leave, I uttered one wish on the seventeenth point in the sky.
Lord please grant me strength, the way you have given my friend strenght.
2.
The night deepen, while the sea tide sang its own song of breathing. Some time passed, and then on the stranger showed himself approaching at the distance. I waved my hand at him, and after the instant, he found his way into my bench while I welcomed him with an extended fist which he casually bumped - after the short acknowledgement the dark alien looked at my face in between it's cover of dark, and looking at it undiscernable in its true features, with suspicion asked.
— What is it that you want?
I acknowledged him as a friend, then mentioned my brief research, as I had come to know him as man looking for a job, yet nobody would hire for things mundane due to his appearance. I listened closely to the news, and came to understand that this was a man looking for a second chance.Then I saw the intent behind his doing, and two words came to stick to my own thoughts. The first one was <
In analytical psychology I figured this man was the ESFP —the personality archetype related to the performer and the entertainer—, possessed in an abnormal way by the spirit by which a person submits to it's contrary nature, seeking to integrate and find fulfillment through the chase of what's perceived absent. If he was the ESFP then doing the flip by following the radial axis of each Jungian function in the stack towards their opposite resulted in the INTJ. The mastermind. The architect. The genius yet awfully complex individual. That was the elusive spirit he was chasing.
But a spirit and a character that at its most pronounced embodiment in a person, would experience life as an eternal foreigner hiding from the light of other men. Such made sense to me, for I myself was the INTJ, and had at spirit the ESFP. Him. So where as this man chased the spiritual fulfillment of being a complex and deep individual, I chased the fulfillment of becoming simpler, so I could demonstrate with action the deepest desires of my heart. One who was born plentiful in means to be liked, becomes complex, mysterious and uncomprehended, meeting one who will be seen trying to make sense becoming simpler. For Carl Jung portrayed the anima and animus of individuals, as the sense of what its absent, yet deeply cherished an valued. So I said these things to the alien, while he silently listened to me.
— All of that sounds like bullshit to me. -Said the alien after some contemplation .— Sorry but the things you say, don't mean anything to me.
And alas for I expected such response, as if one thing was true about this journey, was that explaining the journey in and of itself would become it's grimmest task. I affirmated what he just said with a slight nod of head.
— These things I say and how they relate to each other, in its excercise are similar to doing stecheometric balance with equations in the head, but simpler I'm afraid. - Then I paused, looked back into the sea, and continued. — That's high school chemistry, but I don't expect everybody to pick up on it, nor like it, nor understand it.
— Now i have called you a friend, and where I came from we dub with this title the people we share destiny with. As far as I'm concerned, we are chasing the same thing, which is the hardest posible thing. We both innately understand that we are not home, as we want our spirit to return to us, and that's not what a lot of people ever honestly try to attempt in a lifetime; as such is anyone's call to feel complete.
— And very few people ever reach true individuality, beyond the name they are imposed at birth.
Then I looked into the black alien, and in-between his foreign facial features, I interpreted something familiar. Disturbance. And I continued.
— We have given ourselves hell as we lived chasing something hard, so we can avoid the same hell later on when we are finally back to our own house. This is a christian precept, altought a rundimentary one. Does that makes sense to you?
And after listening such, the black alien calmly looked at the veil in my face in silence. Trying to discern what my face actually looked like, but the night was dark. Then turned his stare back to the reflection of the moon over the waters, giving some thought to what I just said. I opened up my backpack, and drawed two cans of beer from it. Offered one to him, and he silently refused with a gesture of hand. I popped my can and gave it a sip, while I myself stared at the tides coming in and out of the shore.
— If you wan't a tattoo, we can work that out. But this sounds annoyingly familiar, and my interest is not religious. Are you religious?
I nodded in affirmation, and complemented saying. — But my doctrine is something nobody has heard nor seen. For its aim, is doing as Christ said, in perfect means. Yet its true that the teaching fits you, as it's the teaching of the future man; and there's nothing in common between the current man and the future man, as they may very well be different species. This is the precept of evolution.
The alien seemed surprised.
— These two men don't know each other, for the current man doesn't know where the future man comes from, for he himself doesn't know where he is going. Yet in deep realization of your own artistic concept, I think you might want new ideas to meet with your appearance. So tell me, are you curious about what truly happens to a man after he dies? Do you want to learn how to read someone's mind? Do you want to blast with words of fire the hearts of an amazed crowd?
But the black alien broke his calm contemplation of what I was saying, and slighty disturbed, aggressively rebuked after hearing such.
— But you mentioned 'Christ', so you must be christian. How can a christian even say anything interesting in this current time? Last time I asked, their sayings were dreaded by restriction - so why would anyone condemn themselves to a life of bore? Are you a christian?
And I nodded after the question, in silence. Admittedly, for I knew what the problem was with being what I was, and my new companion was bang on identifying it. Made a pause, then raised my sight to where it met with the sky and the stars in it, and I said back to him.
— I am, but not one of a type you have ever seen, for the Christ that comes, is a Christ of art.
2.
The riptide sang, in its secret dialect of earth and sea. I looked upon the coast, turned an eye blind, and saw the ocean as the scorpio, and the land as the taurus; as it was the struggle between two lovers, never meant to consume each other. Ideal love then - yet not to confuse with this partnership as it was whimsilcally tied by the means in which i arranged my current conversation; for my lady somewhere waited for me. Then i allowed my eyes to rest still.
The alien looked upon me, undiscernable in my intentions, and again figured for himself that my interest towards him wasn’t clear. In suspicion, and after the moment he collected his thoughts asked “In your weird words you dubbed me performer, so what is it exactly that you wan’t from me. To me it seems like you are gathering people for some form of religious clown show. When you forced this meeting upon me, was this a proposal you thought i would find amusement in?”. And after the statement my own stare wandered in my conversation partner. While as he had his say, i returned to my can of beer, and finished it with a long gulp. Tempered in an unwillingness to fall to my new found friend irritation, i said within my own thoughts: “The alien looks easy going, but he is barbed in wit”.
Then i opened the can of beer that the stranger rejected; the loud pop resounded in the relative silence, interrupting for a moment the steady chorus of the sea. Gave it a long sip, and said.
– Theres no proposal in place yet. But im certain of something, and that is that both of us are messed individuals which reached the bottom doing the same thing - but the way my understandment of the human soul goes: two people can act by mere interaction as reactives to each other, creating a new chemical compound after the fact.
– This new psychology is very much like chemistry. But it is not my intention to draw you into something, but to pull myself out of this «something» by doing right on another person and maybe that person reflecting the good back on me. I just need a conversation partner, thats all. And i will do this with you, and with many people more. Presidents included.
The alien reflected on it, and after the hiatus of a long standing position of suspicion he finally gave in, and eased up with a slight smile. A strange smile of relief. But the smile, was all too familiar for me, as i realized the man was a tortured individual: a person in long standing pain. I smiled back the way he did, and continued.
– Our pain has a common name, and is a name that can be written with words unfortunately. It’s the devilish mother of all spiritual ills and its foundation, rests at the concept of a past that wasnt solved. It’s called «inadequeacy», and for people like you and me, understanding one day that such inadecuacy had to be solved by our own means, lead us into an act where our name changed as the changes in our cover up act to solve our inadequacy did.
– We never honored the past or the present in our pursuit, as we desired in passion to find solution to the present, by matching it into the idealization of some future without ever realizing that the old or present essence of ones being would be crushed into non existance by said future.
– Then we found the realization of that new name, only to understand that its demands became a tyranny on the other faces of our soul: as our soul is not something that can be undestood in unity, but something that conceives in the beginning in multiple things which try to give shape to one thing. Theres many people in a village, and our minds, are no exception.
— But happiness is only achieved by those who have their soul entire - or those who are the same person regardless of the context and scenario. And we gave to much to somebody that wasn't us, as our spirit took possession and lead us down.
– This is this the essence by which someone goes to hell, only to do one thing over again, getting an ever lasting pain for all the things that were given up chasing that which was absent. The more someone is forced into being shaped by the thing that was concevied in lust, the more the individual misses the place they used to call home, for that is no longer within ones reach. Does this makes sense to you?
The alien left me with no answer, and as he contemplated the sea, a tear travelled through his strange face.
– In this state of anguish, affliction rarely ever feels company, as the very individual condition that was pursued, became a full suit and persona to be forced upon and wear. Hell, is one lonely place man because we only learn to speak a language, that only makes sense to ourselves. But i think we can find a way out of it. This is why I'm here.
“Look, what you’ve done, it’s not something i can see the way you can see my own doing on me.” The alien replied. “Besides the way in which i canno’t see your face in this night, you seem ordinary — but what you talk and the way you say it, evokes in every word regret. What is it that you’ve done that has you regret like this?”
As the alien finished speaking, I emptied the can of beer, layed my eyes on the irregular grooves that my feet had left on the sand, and then replied back to him, after making a recap of the story i had repeatedly told myself after falling down.
“My story, is the fairy tale of a guy who makes way for the new coming of a new man; a better man for the world, while he casts disarray upon the earth: much to his dismay, at the expense of his own soul as the people who become victims of disasters, were ones who this man deemed unfair; cruel, evil, despicable in past. That was at the beginning."
"Theres a pile of corpses behind that character — even in covid time, people as close as the local priest of the small town he lived in, would break their neck after falling in the shower, as he had the slightest suspicion of their secret deeds. All clean deads for that matter. Untraceable to nothing but sheer randomness. Magic as it seeems. But were this folk truly evil people or even guilty of anything? You may ask - the man never knew it for sure, as he never had faculties such as godly omniscience to actually know it; which has taken a toll on him, as the burden of justice is an unberable one for anything but a god."
"Which leads to another point: spontaneously picturing random numbers in the head, associating them with psychological compounds by angular momentum, and actually being bang on the suspicion. Truth friend, in its stochastic presentation: it's unberable.”
“Consequential of such attempts to rationalize his own story in the eyes of people such as close family, my dude became clinically diagnosed with referenced thinking. Which are fancy words for schizophrenia. Nobody believed the story as it was uttered."
"Yet the consequences are there for everyone to see, altought not visible in their cause and effect by anybody but this guy, which lead him first into regret over ever starting his quest as a reformer; and then repent.”
“Now before he realized of this lets call it «curse», he preached for years over the internet as the disasters started to slowly creep up. He preached in a fashion parallel to Niestzches Zarathustra; Zarathustra meaning a famous philosophical device artificied by the philosopher Niestzche, who’s aim was to portray the best posible man, as something he dubbed the <<Übermensch>> ”.
“Such concept being the seemingly more elegant brand of a humanist ideal for a not so distant future: today - albeit a wrong one, for this guy was not dyonisian himself. The backbone of his framework, is analytical psycholgy becoming a chariot for a true understandment of human nature: and ultimately a facilitator for love within light: not within ignorance; not within darkness. Most philosophers today though would mock anything analytical in it's aim."
"Then on the guy preached and dwelved further into the relative hole of his own doctrine: and became imprisoned by what he didn’t got right at first attempt, making him in the process the character that Nietzsche from the comfort of his own writers seat, never attempted to actually embody within realistic means: eventually figuring out within himself the ultimate Nietzschean aristocrat: a magic pen granted by being capetian by mother: from judah by father."
"But Alas, you have no idea how common suicide is within philosophers after they finish their best work. As language, becomes the ultimate barrier for understandment, and then to ones capacity to feel love. Difference — true saliency in ones individual destiny— leads to the gravest posible pain. Ironic isn’t it?”
“Besides technical work with a new form of psychology inspired by analytical chemistry, as that drawed from his efforts during the light of day, five years ago, once he felt the urge to try to reach out to the world from a position of what he deemed was greater understandment: he primitively preached during night his new set of ideas for people to behave beyond the limitations of manipulative psychology, albeit a harsh doctrine meant to clear the way for a better product: Christ himself."
"This is not a doctrine a human being can actually perform, as such its christianity at its highest capacity to bear fruit. It’s an impossible doctrine, yet solves the oldest problem posed in the bible. All which sounds very sci-fi bullshit-y but actual problems started for the protagonist in this tale, when the preaching matched with terrible consequences. Not figurative, but within tangible reality.”
“So just as we talk, theres a small legion of hackers pretending to be doing internet social experiments while talking in an artsy matter: much in my own style, entertaining the exact same concepts - a legion of dangerous monkeys, i have no control over."
"One of the many unexpected consequences being this, yet prompted by something evil; ancient: essentially replicating what my protagonist developed and then preached over the years, while these "hacktivists" lay their attention on things and people, as they select them and enforce upon them strict surveillance, to behave properly. Then to destroy them, as they did in 2020 with many corporations and institutions.A bizarre combination of theater actors to my own liking, and then cyber-security demigods: omniscient in their claims to surveill, and they are - derivative such of another device of what I've done; which is to build a theater so people can make-believe that they are infact performing within themselves something greater - but that's matter for another story."
“Most of the corpses piling up flat out dead, have no relation to him whatsoever; they became victims as my protagonist took measures to fight back the monster he found at the foundation of the known world. This is not an elaborate analogy for one's own unseen capacity for evil, as i mean this: a monster as literally as it can be. For these things friend, im doomed as in true strenght, i have nothing but the pen i use to write down what i think albeit always at danger of it’s eventual inversion. I have no real friends left. Not one who can understand, or help bear the pain: as friendship and love are all gated by understandment."
"The full story has many more vertients, but i think i’ve done it enough justice. This is the predicament of an insane man chased by his own shadow as he builds a better man: one who delivers heavenly things, and then a shadow stringed to deliver tyranny as the very strings behind him make the better man stumble while he tries to keep a grasp of his own spirit, and then of his own soul."
"That monster behind, is wicked smart — and cannot be outwitted nor overpowered but anything but divine smite."
“I’m heading now to a new country, to try to get friends from the only institution in the world who knows and adresses the current times being, and who by extension, might believe me. And to clarify, these being the end of times; but not the end of the world. Yet now i myself have a damocles sword pending over my own head, and i need to do something about it before it falls.”
And as i said these things, i reached out to my backpack drawing a third can of beer from it — besides my own super laptop, thats what my backpack had: an infinite supply of beer. Corona, Indio, Victoria, Dos Equis, Heineken; you name it. I popped the can, and gave it a long and definite sip as i emptied it complete.
The alien didn't try to show that he understood, but stood still in silence, with his sight in the sand below and pressing lips, knowing by my demeanor; that these things as I've said them was something that I needed to do. Then he said: "I don't follow man. You say you preach and then disasters occur. Like a prophet from the bible?"
"Yes. Then I preached to get rid of the things that are actually making the world worse, and something awoke soon after, and since then; everything I do is subject to being misinterpreted due to the diffamatory action of this thing. Now everytime I do something, it can be twisted and turned against my original intent. Right now the hackers are my worst problem: I may have a degree in computers but I have no fucking idea whatsoever of hacking. I earn my living as an A.I engineer.".
The alien raised his sight to meet with mine, and after doing some contemplation on the fact, quite simply said: "You are insane". Then lowered his own sight, and raised it again to meet with the sea and continued. "If you want a tattoo, we can work that out. But either way and whatever parts of your story are true and even worse; the ones you may be lying about: you sound dangerous in a delusional kind of sense, and my life is hard enough as is."
I pressed my fists, knowing then the old same thing had happened again. For I had never forced anything upon anybody, and I was willing to respect that until the bitter end. Then I released the build up of frustration with a loud sigh, and after this amend, I replied back.
"I understand and respect it. But let me just propose you that if you ever want to figure what is beyond life as it's lived by person who has never seen what is like to be someone you write a great story about; you can pin me, and I'll show you what's beyond that door. Give it some thought."
The alien; The Black Alien Project stayed there sitting, spechless but calm, almost expecting something else to be convinced about. But pointless, for i knew that nobody can be forced into anything without bringing a transgression into play – and i wasn’t one to taint myself in sin if it could be avoided. Not anymore.
3.
I made the distance at steady pace walking along the shore, until i found a small group of pines in-between the liminal space of the beach and the land. I sat with one of the pines trunk behind my back, and drawed the Schizo Pills from my eternal supply of traveller goodies.
Quetiapine 100 mg, and Olanzapine 10 mg, i made a smaller fragment from the olanzapine pill, and swallowed both complete. As their side effects were concerned, they would soon knock me out of conscience, as this little ritual was my own way of calling the day complete – then i layed there, vigilant, waiting for my own drowsiness to claim me into sleep - but the Bird of Britan came flying from above, and stood besides me.
\Chirp, Chirp, Chirp**
I watched the bird, annoyed, as its presence had become an omen for contempt. For me and the death people of my past. I frowned upon the little shit, and said nothing. The bird made a little nod, while tilting its head in excentricity the way birds do, and replied. — Hey Andrew!, do you remember when you tried to penetrate your own computer to make a universe grow inside of it? I just wan’t to know something: did your computer moan? Did it finally learnt how to scream your name?
\Chirp Chirp**
Ignoring the bird, i closed my eyes and stayed like that for a long moment, hoping to make the bird think i was asleep. Maybe that would make him leave.
— Can’t bullshit me like that Sweetheart. So please tell me something; why don’t you command one of your supermodels; these muses, to come here and warm the bed for you. It's a cold night and you seem lonely brah
. \Chirp Chirp**
I opened my eyes, and irritated, pointed menacingly at the bird turning my left hand into an imaginary gun. I had already failed at something today, and wasn’t convinced i needed the memory of the things i failed at before. Not now.
- Hol’ up cowboy ! you wan’t to bang my bird ass when you should be banging a bitch ass. What happened with Tyrone huckleberry? Did you managed to make him as impotent as you are right now? —I held steady my hand; and tired, the tempation to pull again the trigger on the bird was growing larger. I saw red roses in my own sight, making a terrible omen for a migraine forthcoming. Said nothing.
Said nothing.
- Alright cowboy, i will give meaning to that revelations verse. What was it? Ah yes. Revelations 9:6. Every single person with an internet history will be as paranoid as you were in 2020. Everyone will be diffamated into acts of political terrorism! Aren’t you am-
"No longer care for love unless it's between good friends”. Said to myself. There was certainly a migraine coming, but maybe my dreams would help convince it otherwise. And as far as the hoes were concerned, Furious Angels would be there for them. Like the Rob Dougan song.
4.
Found my own mind after the slumber – asleep, then awake. I realized several hours passed - at least enough to wake up and witness the sun rise above the sea. But as for dreams, the light veil of their memories wasn't something to rely upon. But i did remember something, and it was some overtone in dread; an atmosphere of fear – and a kind of dread sustained in it’s inevitability by the urgency that builds upon dearth.
Now what exactly was it though? I couldn’t remember from my dreams, but ever since i falled to my own death i had always present in mind the future succesion of events that would follow when things started to go very wrong. Iran, the U.S, Israel - now whatever was it in the news; the outcome would be the same. A thousand more cuts to an already languishing economy. Make that corpse bleed, and then fall off a cliff.
As such things would be cooked, just as the bird of britain. The bird was still there though: just in pieces and roasted like the contents of a dropped KFC bucket would. But the little shit would return - as it always did. The economy? Not so much.
Yet i digress. None of the world circumstances mattered as far i was concerned – i had built a small and portable solar system to power my laptop, and my beer supply was well, infinite - i made myself sure that i had my needs covered whatever happened around me. Not tied to even a house for that matter. I incorporated myself and gave my back a stretch. The morning breeze coming from the sea evocated in my memories some time that had long passed – late childhood. I rejected those memories as they beared with them things i didnt wan’t to remember - then wen’t on as usual in my morning routine scrolling through my instagram feed, figuring if there were any new hoes to maybe motivate me into doing my God imposed labour.
Labour which was to either write, or to finish the House of Water — then after scrolling i did in fact saw a new hoe; i dropped a Faux Pas comment. Maybe she would play along, maybe not. Whatever. Sometimes I would put in a lot of effort to do a rhyme. But the effort depended on the insta-hoe in question. I know. Not the best of habits, but back in elementary school i was the kind of kid that would only get motivation when the girls in the classroom were present in physEd. And then i would run faster: whole lotta faster. Run Forrest! Run! Women love used to fuel me; and the habit sticked — and at the moment, i was kinda done with the idea of female trascendence. Would rely on their love, but not on their validation. Not like a simp. Fuck that.
Furthermore, what results did i demonstrably mustered after pursuing true egalitarianism and sharing it? Exactly. A bitch gonna do what a bitch gonna do, and so does the human female. After publishing the comment, I locked my phone and walked towards the highway, as i was planning to pay a visit to somebody long forgotten - I had kind of a schedule that i was going to follow, before taking the plane to Madrid and become hispanic Jon Snow from the walgreens Nightwatch.
2024.05.15 22:11 G4g3_k9 how do i deal with negative thoughts revolving around selective service?
okay so i turned 18 on 4/20 so a few weeks ago now and i was, and still am, very against selective service, i didn’t want to sign up, i wasn’t going to sign up, i did not sign up. or so i thought until yesterday, i got a letter in the mail basically saying “thank you for registering” with the card and other garbage they packaged with it, i plan to shred the majority of it. i never once signed a single item related to selective service while i was 18, the only thing i can think is FAFSA but i signed that when i was a minor which would make it a non-binding signature.
ever since i got that letter i have felt like shit, when i got it i read it over a few times in disbelief, then after a while i just sat their and cried over it. i have talked to one person about it online and that was it, i haven’t talked about it to anyone else. i have a history of taking an insane amount of painkillers at once, to the point when im not allowed to have them without another person handing me a certain amount (i was taking 4x the recommended dose in one sitting) and i feel worse than i did while i was taking that stuff, i don’t want to start doing it again but at the same time i do and i don’t know what to do. i also have done other things always to hurt myself but in a way that didn’t leave any outward physical damage, id hold my breath until i passed out, close myself off from everyone (what im doing now) and id pull my hair as hard as possible to cause pain.
today at school was supposed to be a fun day, it was senior day and we visited our elementary school and played games and grilled. i was having a good time surprisingly until a teacher got mad for kicking a ball and it just knocked me back down and i felt like shit again. it feels like nothing is going right, i can’t get the selective service out of my mind now. i’m supposed to go to my friends house in less than an hour to work on college stuff and i don’t want to, i just want to stay in my room by myself.
i had thought of sending a letter to the selective service people telling them to kiss my ass with a ton of their personal information at the bottom (names, addresses, family members) that’s stuff but i don’t want to get in trouble for doing that, so i didn’t, not yet at least. i really want to do something, because this is bullshit.
i was never given a choice, i wasn’t going to sign it even if it was illegal i did not care, i feel like garbage. how is this even legal? it is blatant sex discrimination and coercion and is unconstitutional, yet it somehow remains, i hate it. i don’t envy women for a lot as they have other bad issues, but this is one of them, it makes me dislike being a guy, i don’t want to sound like like a whiny child but at this point i wish i was not born a boy, it just feels like i’m a tool for the old lazy bastards in the government. i don’t know what to do, i don’t know what i can do.
submitted by G4g3_k9 to bropill [link] [comments]
ever since i got that letter i have felt like shit, when i got it i read it over a few times in disbelief, then after a while i just sat their and cried over it. i have talked to one person about it online and that was it, i haven’t talked about it to anyone else. i have a history of taking an insane amount of painkillers at once, to the point when im not allowed to have them without another person handing me a certain amount (i was taking 4x the recommended dose in one sitting) and i feel worse than i did while i was taking that stuff, i don’t want to start doing it again but at the same time i do and i don’t know what to do. i also have done other things always to hurt myself but in a way that didn’t leave any outward physical damage, id hold my breath until i passed out, close myself off from everyone (what im doing now) and id pull my hair as hard as possible to cause pain.
today at school was supposed to be a fun day, it was senior day and we visited our elementary school and played games and grilled. i was having a good time surprisingly until a teacher got mad for kicking a ball and it just knocked me back down and i felt like shit again. it feels like nothing is going right, i can’t get the selective service out of my mind now. i’m supposed to go to my friends house in less than an hour to work on college stuff and i don’t want to, i just want to stay in my room by myself.
i had thought of sending a letter to the selective service people telling them to kiss my ass with a ton of their personal information at the bottom (names, addresses, family members) that’s stuff but i don’t want to get in trouble for doing that, so i didn’t, not yet at least. i really want to do something, because this is bullshit.
i was never given a choice, i wasn’t going to sign it even if it was illegal i did not care, i feel like garbage. how is this even legal? it is blatant sex discrimination and coercion and is unconstitutional, yet it somehow remains, i hate it. i don’t envy women for a lot as they have other bad issues, but this is one of them, it makes me dislike being a guy, i don’t want to sound like like a whiny child but at this point i wish i was not born a boy, it just feels like i’m a tool for the old lazy bastards in the government. i don’t know what to do, i don’t know what i can do.
2024.05.15 22:08 Lohen97 Is this really just anxiety?
I know I’ve been having a lot of stress in my life. My boyfriend of five years cheated with multiple women, I’m in the middle of a restraining order with him while lying about him still living with me, graduated college last week, (had to deal with finals during this) starting a new job on Tuesday, I work as an exotic dancer and hide it from everyone, don’t have family support ect. I could keep going. But every single day there is no break. Light headed, heart palpitations, convincing myself I’m going to die, can’t go outside alone, I haven’t driven a car in five years, I get random drops in my chest, i jump at every sound, I constantly get hot and fight passing out. Even at my college graduation I was fighting the fainting/heart dropping feeling. I’m convinced it’s more than anxiety. Maybe every few days or every other day I have a sort of attack where I’m fighting for air, shaking, twitching, panicking, and stress googling every symptom. I constantly listen to the sounds and feelings of my body to look for errors. Am I just too fucking stressed? I started drinking way too much to chill the fuck out but most days no amount of breathing exercises or anything help. I feel like a crazy person?? It’s like impossible to be productive, I can’t do anything. My mother was also permanent disability for anxiety. Was it just like I turned 27 and my body decided to just have a panic attack every other day?
submitted by Lohen97 to Anxiety [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 22:05 Lohen97 Is this really just anxiety?
I know I’ve been having a lot of stress in my life. My boyfriend of five years cheated with multiple women, I’m in the middle of a restraining order with him while lying about him still living with me, graduated college last week, (had to deal with finals during this) starting a new job on Tuesday, I work as an exotic dancer and hide it from everyone, don’t have family support ect. I could keep going. But every single day there is no break. Light headed, heart palpitations, convincing myself I’m going to die, can’t go outside alone, I haven’t driven a car in five years, I get random drops in my chest, i jump at every sound, I constantly get hot and fight passing out. Even at my college graduation I was fighting the fainting/heart dropping feeling. I’m convinced it’s more than anxiety. Maybe every few days or every other day I have a sort of attack where I’m fighting for air, shaking, twitching, panicking, and stress googling every symptom. I constantly listen to the sounds and feelings of my body to look for errors. Am I just too fucking stressed? I started drinking way too much to chill the fuck out but most days no amount of breathing exercises or anything help. I feel like a crazy person?? It’s like impossible to be productive, I can’t do anything. My mother was also permanent disability for anxiety. Was it just like I turned 27 and my body decided to just have a panic attack every other day?
submitted by Lohen97 to Anxietyhelp [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 22:01 SummerSatellite 31 [M4F] #online Midwest US, demisexual male looking for a gaming/anime/nerd buddy to maybe become something more
Hi there! This post is gonna be pretty long as I tend to ramble; feel free to skim a bit, but I appreciate people who take the time to read it all.
I'm hoping to find somebody kind, silly and understanding to game and nerd out with, but who's also down to just vibe or talk about all sorts of topics mundane to philosophical. Open to messages from single women anywhere who are at least 21, but closer in age or closer to Midwest US is a plus.
My personality is typically pretty goofy and loud, and I like nothing more than being silly with friends and laughing till it hurts. I do enjoy peace and quiet sometimes though, especially with others I'm comfortable around. I'm sincere, genuine and kind to a fault, and always try to be as understanding and non-judgmental as possible. I care a great deal about the happiness of the people close to me, and always want to help when they need it.
I'm a super nerd with interests from gaming, to anime and manga, to comedy shows, to reading and (slowly) writing novels:
-For games, I'm a big FFXIV player, and enjoy most kinds of multiplayer games; lately I've been back on a League of Legends binge after not playing for a couple years. I don't play story games too often, but OMORI is one I absolutely adore and can talk about forever. I also play Honkai Star Rail, and have played a handful of other gacha games. Open to trying most anything with people!
-For anime and manga, I consume a bit of everything, but my genres of choice will usually be romance, comedy, and fantasy. Some general favorites off the top of my head, Toradora, FLCL, Frieren, Otherside Picnic, and Made in Abyss.
-For comedy related things, I enjoy Twitch streams, Taskmaster, DnD liveplay, and sketch/improv shows; I'm a big fan of a lot of Dropout content. Hi, Intrepid Heroes! I've been here the whole time.
-I normally only get in the mood to read novels occasionally, but when I do I binge them like crazy, usually fantasy. I'm currently rereading The Stormlight Archive, having finished the Mistborn series not too long ago. For writing stories, I lean towards fantasy and modern fantasy.
-Music is far from my biggest passion, but I enjoy pop punk, alternative, rock, EDM, and anime/j-rock; a little bit of everything really. My favorite band has always been Jimmy Eat World.
For any of the above, if you don't see your personal favorites, I'm always interested in suggestions! I love to experience what others enjoy and get to know them that way, especially with them, and recommending things I think others will love is something I really enjoy.
Personality and emotional connections are way more important to me than appearance, so I don't really want to make any mention of preferences. But some quick info about me, because I know others will care: 5'10", blue eyes, long black hair at the moment, short beard, stockier build. I don't tend to show it till I get close to someone, but I am a dom and an S; very loving, but still very much both of those things.
Sorry again for such a long post! Thanks for making it this far. If anybody's interested in chatting about any of the above or other nerdy topics, maybe enjoying any of them together, or just getting to know one another, feel free to send a DM! I mainly communicate through Discord off of Reddit.
submitted by SummerSatellite to r4r [link] [comments]
I'm hoping to find somebody kind, silly and understanding to game and nerd out with, but who's also down to just vibe or talk about all sorts of topics mundane to philosophical. Open to messages from single women anywhere who are at least 21, but closer in age or closer to Midwest US is a plus.
My personality is typically pretty goofy and loud, and I like nothing more than being silly with friends and laughing till it hurts. I do enjoy peace and quiet sometimes though, especially with others I'm comfortable around. I'm sincere, genuine and kind to a fault, and always try to be as understanding and non-judgmental as possible. I care a great deal about the happiness of the people close to me, and always want to help when they need it.
I'm a super nerd with interests from gaming, to anime and manga, to comedy shows, to reading and (slowly) writing novels:
-For games, I'm a big FFXIV player, and enjoy most kinds of multiplayer games; lately I've been back on a League of Legends binge after not playing for a couple years. I don't play story games too often, but OMORI is one I absolutely adore and can talk about forever. I also play Honkai Star Rail, and have played a handful of other gacha games. Open to trying most anything with people!
-For anime and manga, I consume a bit of everything, but my genres of choice will usually be romance, comedy, and fantasy. Some general favorites off the top of my head, Toradora, FLCL, Frieren, Otherside Picnic, and Made in Abyss.
-For comedy related things, I enjoy Twitch streams, Taskmaster, DnD liveplay, and sketch/improv shows; I'm a big fan of a lot of Dropout content. Hi, Intrepid Heroes! I've been here the whole time.
-I normally only get in the mood to read novels occasionally, but when I do I binge them like crazy, usually fantasy. I'm currently rereading The Stormlight Archive, having finished the Mistborn series not too long ago. For writing stories, I lean towards fantasy and modern fantasy.
-Music is far from my biggest passion, but I enjoy pop punk, alternative, rock, EDM, and anime/j-rock; a little bit of everything really. My favorite band has always been Jimmy Eat World.
For any of the above, if you don't see your personal favorites, I'm always interested in suggestions! I love to experience what others enjoy and get to know them that way, especially with them, and recommending things I think others will love is something I really enjoy.
Personality and emotional connections are way more important to me than appearance, so I don't really want to make any mention of preferences. But some quick info about me, because I know others will care: 5'10", blue eyes, long black hair at the moment, short beard, stockier build. I don't tend to show it till I get close to someone, but I am a dom and an S; very loving, but still very much both of those things.
Sorry again for such a long post! Thanks for making it this far. If anybody's interested in chatting about any of the above or other nerdy topics, maybe enjoying any of them together, or just getting to know one another, feel free to send a DM! I mainly communicate through Discord off of Reddit.
2024.05.15 22:00 BlueButterflies139 Does anyone else wish they had "cooler" special interests?
Kind of a weird question, I know. My long term special interest has been fashion. I can talk for hours about the major trends spanning from the 1870s to Current, historical methods of fabric dyeing, the existence of early fashion design etc; and I find every aspect of it fascinating. However, I often feel like my interest is kind of bland compared to other interests and I feel like I'm feeding into stereotypes of women being vain and shallow. There also just aren't very many good places to discuss fashion. I follow several subreddits about fashion and most of the posts are "tell me I'm hot" bait or very minimal discussion about a single piece.
My younger sister (I suspect she has autism, as myself and one of our younger brothers are both diagnosed) has a interest in lord of the rings. Her room (still lives with our parents) is fully decorated with it, her clothing is all themed after it, she collects mass amounts of merchandise. Her whole life gets to be themed around her interest, and it makes me sad that I can't achieve something similar. My special interest feels so hard to indulge in, due to the high cost, accessibility, and the social stigma of being too girly. Does anyone else feel this way?
submitted by BlueButterflies139 to AutismInWomen [link] [comments]
My younger sister (I suspect she has autism, as myself and one of our younger brothers are both diagnosed) has a interest in lord of the rings. Her room (still lives with our parents) is fully decorated with it, her clothing is all themed after it, she collects mass amounts of merchandise. Her whole life gets to be themed around her interest, and it makes me sad that I can't achieve something similar. My special interest feels so hard to indulge in, due to the high cost, accessibility, and the social stigma of being too girly. Does anyone else feel this way?
2024.05.15 21:50 No_Ferret_1082 [USA] Chanel raspberry pink mini chevron 🆕
![[USA] Chanel raspberry pink mini chevron 🆕](https://b.thumbs.redditmedia.com/2SUj6pNq2DiZNEPHKxlNO6Hktz2Hm4WuN7aGsvKImZc.jpg "[USA] Chanel raspberry pink mini chevron 🆕") | CHANEL 18B Raspberry Pink Lambskin Rectangular Mini Light Gold Hardware submitted by No_Ferret_1082 to RepladiesDesigner [link] [comments] Seller: Genie (via private discord Group buy) Made in limited quantities. As far as I know, no other factory made this season. $330.00 + shipping Ship within continental USA 🇺🇸 only Proof of purchase shared via DM The item is brand new and unworn Authentic link for reference Mini Review/Thoughts: Quality: This bag is stunning!! ✨✨ Sought-after rectangular mini combo in delicious Dark Pink Raspberry and Light Gold Hardware. Genie is known for selling top tier bags and she did not disappoint with this group buy. RFS: Went overboard recently, bought too many bags- downsizing) |
2024.05.15 21:45 Hot-Plastic-1986 Brother says: Single women (over 30) are failed existences
I am over 30 and have been single for 4 years. My brother is of the opinion that all women in their mid-thirties who are single are failed existences. I hate his opinion. I'm not alone because I can't find anyone, but because I'm very happy on my own at the moment. I've got to the point where I want to distance myself from him, even though he's my brother. What would you do in this situation?
submitted by Hot-Plastic-1986 to AskWomenOver30 [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 21:44 PurePraxisHF More than 1,000 high-level DUP messages show party top brass mocking the Catholic Church, laughing at rivals and deputy First Minister’s care for the vulnerable
https://m.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/health/coronavirus/more-than-1000-high-level-dup-messages-show-party-top-brass-mocking-the-catholic-church-laughing-at-rivalsand-deputy-first-ministers-care-for-the-vulnerable/a1175830802.html
Remarkable insight into DUP Executive team during the Executive after Edwin Poots handed over massive WhatsApp group – unlike Michelle O’Neill who deliberately wiped her messages after being given legal advice not to do so
More than 1,000 internal text messages between the DUP's most senior figures have been published by the Covid Inquiry, providing an unprecedented insight into what the party really thought and how it operated during the pandemic. The WhatsApp messages, some of which are acutely embarrassing for senior party figures, are being made public after they were given to the inquiry by former DUP minister Edwin Poots, now the Assembly Speaker, and have been published tonight.
That is in stark contrast to Sinn Féin, whose Stormont leader Michelle O'Neill admitted to the inquiry yesterday that she deliberately deleted everything from all her devices despite being warned by the Head of the Civil Service not to do so and despite being given written legal advice which specifically said text messages and WhatsApps should not be deleted.
So far, the inquiry hasn't published a single internal Sinn Féin message.
The DUP messages are from a WhatsApp group containing its Executive ministers, special advisers, and other senior party figures.
They show the party lampooning the Catholic Church, a message from Emma Little Pengelly that the public were looking for a "strong man", but also Mrs Little Pengelly's personal concern for some of the most deprived members of society, reminding colleagues that she came from a poor background.
The inquiry has made multiple redactions to the 63 pages of messages, some of which are hard to follow for that reason.
One of the individuals whose name has been blacked out appears to be Economy Minister Diane Dodds, who talks about going to vote in the European Parliament, and another is First Minister Arlene Foster, who confirmed that in oral testimony today.
However, there is no way to know how many other individuals were involved but have their names redacted.
The messages begin when Stormont returned at the start of 2020 following three years without devolved government.
Someone whose name has been blacked out by the inquiry said on 17 January 2020: "SF doesn't seem to have matured at all!!"
Emma Little Pengelly - then a special adviser but now deputy First Minister - replied sarcastically: "Well, why not - let English taxpayers subsidise our free prescriptions, lower rates, no water charges, lower tuition fees and free prescriptions...but hey, how dare you guys starve us of funding? #Perfidious Albion".
Agriculture Minister Edwin Poots responded: "And a £100m pa on welfare mitigation". Education Minister Peter Weir said: "Are any of [us] really surprised?"
The first reference to covid is on 23 January when an individual whose name has been blacked out said: "I hear there's a suspected case of this virus in RVH."
In apparent reference to Sinn Féin calling Michelle O'Neill 'joint head of government', someone said "this must be a new title bestowed on Michelle"; another person said: "they are at this all the time".
Another person whose name is hidden said: Certainly they cannot have that on official communications".
Mr Weir, whose messages are often laden with humour, said: "Perhaps I should start calling myself George Clooney, it's just as accurate".
The Education Minister said on 13 March: "I see on PA, Archbishop Eamon Martin is writing to me urging me to close all the schools. Wasn't aware of his qualifications in virology."
Someone whose name has been blacked out said: "Write back and tell him we don't live in the South and that his institution hasn't the best track record of looking out for the welfare of kids."
The following day, in an apparent reference to Sinn Féin, someone denounced "panicking people" and "totally irresponsible" behaviour.
On 14 March, in a reference to civil servants, someone said that "some of the officials don't inspire me".
The next day, Mr Weir said that solicitor Kevin Winters had launched a judicial review of the decision not to close schools. An unidentified person responded: "Read SF for KW". Mr Weir replied: "Indeed."
The messages show that DUP ministers genuinely believed they would be hurting people - and even endangering lives - by taking radical measures to shut down society.
But in their evidence to the inquiry several DUP ministers, including Arlene Foster and Edwin Poots, now accept that they should have locked down sooner.
On 14 March, Mr Weir said that "above all other considerations will be our protection of human life, which the best opportunity to do so is following the professional advice. If in the long run we can spare one extra family from the tragic loss of a loved one then we will have done the right thing rather than the politics of panic of others."
In another message, he said: "There is crazy stuff going about which if acted upon would simply cost lives."
On 15 March, Emma Little Pengelly lamented how teachers seemed to think they wouldn't be going to work once schools closed.
Mr Weir replied: "We could do with a few unnamed ministers not coming to work."
Two days later, Mr Poots said he was "under pressure with CAFRE", the agricultural college. Referring to Sinn Féin, he said: "The public are looking to us for leadership and we can't afford to be scrapping with them. That doesn't mean giving them want they want but need agreement."
Ms Little Pengelly's influence as Mrs Foster's key spad is evident. On 17 March, she set out how lockdown was likely days away and they needed to propose multiple measures including a single website for all pandemic information and "a stateswomanlike address to NI by FM and DFM".
She said: "We also need to be aware that in behaviour science terms we are now dealing with emergency, war time like circumstance - ergo people want to see what is termed in political science as 'strong man' political leaders - (now strong women..) - this is very well established. Strong and serious, calm and professional."
She urged ministers to be "empathetic and understanding" to the pressures faced by those struggling financially, reminding them that "those on working tax credit get free school meals (FSM}, many on that benefit DO work but may find themselves on reduced hours or redundant...and many of those on FSMs are our voters (I am saying this as a child who was a FSM child for many years)."
There is a gap of about a month in the messages. On 22 April, Mr Weir said: "Hargey has [another few words have been blacked out by the inquiry as 'irrelevant and sensitive']! She's had a tough paper round clearly."
submitted by PurePraxisHF to northernireland [link] [comments]
Remarkable insight into DUP Executive team during the Executive after Edwin Poots handed over massive WhatsApp group – unlike Michelle O’Neill who deliberately wiped her messages after being given legal advice not to do so
More than 1,000 internal text messages between the DUP's most senior figures have been published by the Covid Inquiry, providing an unprecedented insight into what the party really thought and how it operated during the pandemic. The WhatsApp messages, some of which are acutely embarrassing for senior party figures, are being made public after they were given to the inquiry by former DUP minister Edwin Poots, now the Assembly Speaker, and have been published tonight.
That is in stark contrast to Sinn Féin, whose Stormont leader Michelle O'Neill admitted to the inquiry yesterday that she deliberately deleted everything from all her devices despite being warned by the Head of the Civil Service not to do so and despite being given written legal advice which specifically said text messages and WhatsApps should not be deleted.
So far, the inquiry hasn't published a single internal Sinn Féin message.
The DUP messages are from a WhatsApp group containing its Executive ministers, special advisers, and other senior party figures.
They show the party lampooning the Catholic Church, a message from Emma Little Pengelly that the public were looking for a "strong man", but also Mrs Little Pengelly's personal concern for some of the most deprived members of society, reminding colleagues that she came from a poor background.
The inquiry has made multiple redactions to the 63 pages of messages, some of which are hard to follow for that reason.
One of the individuals whose name has been blacked out appears to be Economy Minister Diane Dodds, who talks about going to vote in the European Parliament, and another is First Minister Arlene Foster, who confirmed that in oral testimony today.
However, there is no way to know how many other individuals were involved but have their names redacted.
The messages begin when Stormont returned at the start of 2020 following three years without devolved government.
Someone whose name has been blacked out by the inquiry said on 17 January 2020: "SF doesn't seem to have matured at all!!"
Emma Little Pengelly - then a special adviser but now deputy First Minister - replied sarcastically: "Well, why not - let English taxpayers subsidise our free prescriptions, lower rates, no water charges, lower tuition fees and free prescriptions...but hey, how dare you guys starve us of funding? #Perfidious Albion".
Agriculture Minister Edwin Poots responded: "And a £100m pa on welfare mitigation". Education Minister Peter Weir said: "Are any of [us] really surprised?"
The first reference to covid is on 23 January when an individual whose name has been blacked out said: "I hear there's a suspected case of this virus in RVH."
In apparent reference to Sinn Féin calling Michelle O'Neill 'joint head of government', someone said "this must be a new title bestowed on Michelle"; another person said: "they are at this all the time".
Another person whose name is hidden said: Certainly they cannot have that on official communications".
Mr Weir, whose messages are often laden with humour, said: "Perhaps I should start calling myself George Clooney, it's just as accurate".
The Education Minister said on 13 March: "I see on PA, Archbishop Eamon Martin is writing to me urging me to close all the schools. Wasn't aware of his qualifications in virology."
Someone whose name has been blacked out said: "Write back and tell him we don't live in the South and that his institution hasn't the best track record of looking out for the welfare of kids."
The following day, in an apparent reference to Sinn Féin, someone denounced "panicking people" and "totally irresponsible" behaviour.
On 14 March, in a reference to civil servants, someone said that "some of the officials don't inspire me".
The next day, Mr Weir said that solicitor Kevin Winters had launched a judicial review of the decision not to close schools. An unidentified person responded: "Read SF for KW". Mr Weir replied: "Indeed."
The messages show that DUP ministers genuinely believed they would be hurting people - and even endangering lives - by taking radical measures to shut down society.
But in their evidence to the inquiry several DUP ministers, including Arlene Foster and Edwin Poots, now accept that they should have locked down sooner.
On 14 March, Mr Weir said that "above all other considerations will be our protection of human life, which the best opportunity to do so is following the professional advice. If in the long run we can spare one extra family from the tragic loss of a loved one then we will have done the right thing rather than the politics of panic of others."
In another message, he said: "There is crazy stuff going about which if acted upon would simply cost lives."
On 15 March, Emma Little Pengelly lamented how teachers seemed to think they wouldn't be going to work once schools closed.
Mr Weir replied: "We could do with a few unnamed ministers not coming to work."
Two days later, Mr Poots said he was "under pressure with CAFRE", the agricultural college. Referring to Sinn Féin, he said: "The public are looking to us for leadership and we can't afford to be scrapping with them. That doesn't mean giving them want they want but need agreement."
Ms Little Pengelly's influence as Mrs Foster's key spad is evident. On 17 March, she set out how lockdown was likely days away and they needed to propose multiple measures including a single website for all pandemic information and "a stateswomanlike address to NI by FM and DFM".
She said: "We also need to be aware that in behaviour science terms we are now dealing with emergency, war time like circumstance - ergo people want to see what is termed in political science as 'strong man' political leaders - (now strong women..) - this is very well established. Strong and serious, calm and professional."
She urged ministers to be "empathetic and understanding" to the pressures faced by those struggling financially, reminding them that "those on working tax credit get free school meals (FSM}, many on that benefit DO work but may find themselves on reduced hours or redundant...and many of those on FSMs are our voters (I am saying this as a child who was a FSM child for many years)."
There is a gap of about a month in the messages. On 22 April, Mr Weir said: "Hargey has [another few words have been blacked out by the inquiry as 'irrelevant and sensitive']! She's had a tough paper round clearly."
2024.05.15 21:43 TheMarianaWench A customer abused our support staff, so I let her know that she wasn't as anonymous as she thought she was.
Several years ago, I worked the late shift as an online customer support agent for a women’s clothing company. The other CSAs and I were constantly mistreated by crappy customers, and our managers did absolutely nothing to support us. The company valued its customers so much that the rules for dealing with them were disgustingly lax. For example, this one guy would call in obviously masturbating, but we weren’t allowed to hang up on him because he never actually said he was. We had a three-strike policy where a customer could say pretty much anything they wanted to three times before they were disconnected and banned. But we also had a “one day turnover” policy where if a customer was cut off for inappropriate behavior, the ban was reset the next day! So someone could come in, tell you that you’re a bitch three times, get kicked off, and then come and do it again the next day. The entire time I worked there, I never saw a single person get permanently banned. Not even the masturbating guy. I eventually ended up quitting specifically because a customer harassed me to the point of me crying, and my manager’s response was that I could have an unpaid 10-minute break now instead of my 15-minute break later. Yeah.
One of the worst customers was this woman we’ll call Kathy. This woman would enter our CSA chats around midnight, drunk (she admitted to this). She would ask questions like, “What jeans do you think go with this top?” While the CSA answered, Kathy would say things like, “Wow, this is taking so long. Imagine working a minimum wage job at midnight. Bet you want to kill yourself.” Warning #1. The next time, it would get a little worse. “Wow, you’re such a loser. Have you ever thought about killing yourself? I would if I was you.” Warning #2. The last time each night, it would be something like, “I hope you die. You’re so sad. You should kill yourself.” At that point, we’d let her know we could no longer help her, and we’d disconnect her. And then she’d pop back in chat within a few days and the whole thing would start over. She always said the same kinds of things. She clearly knew she could say three separate terrible things to us. Our managers never helped or stepped in.
I once looked this woman up. I wanted to know who she was. To my surprise, I found out that she was a therapist! She had her own practice. I was baffled. What she did was a horrible, cruel, unkind thing... I couldn't believe a therapist would do this.
I later quit working at the company. I waited a few weeks. And then I made a phone call… to Kathy’s practice. I spoke to Kathy. I told her I was seeking therapy. During our intake call, she asked me what kind of issues I was facing. “Well,” I said, “I do this really weird, psychotic thing a few nights a week. I get really drunk, and I start a chat with minimum-wage customer support agents and I tell them multiple times that they should kill themselves. That’s so fucking crazy, right?” She made a tiny noise. A moment passed. The call disconnected.
My friends at the company said that she never messaged them again.
submitted by TheMarianaWench to pettyrevenge [link] [comments]
One of the worst customers was this woman we’ll call Kathy. This woman would enter our CSA chats around midnight, drunk (she admitted to this). She would ask questions like, “What jeans do you think go with this top?” While the CSA answered, Kathy would say things like, “Wow, this is taking so long. Imagine working a minimum wage job at midnight. Bet you want to kill yourself.” Warning #1. The next time, it would get a little worse. “Wow, you’re such a loser. Have you ever thought about killing yourself? I would if I was you.” Warning #2. The last time each night, it would be something like, “I hope you die. You’re so sad. You should kill yourself.” At that point, we’d let her know we could no longer help her, and we’d disconnect her. And then she’d pop back in chat within a few days and the whole thing would start over. She always said the same kinds of things. She clearly knew she could say three separate terrible things to us. Our managers never helped or stepped in.
I once looked this woman up. I wanted to know who she was. To my surprise, I found out that she was a therapist! She had her own practice. I was baffled. What she did was a horrible, cruel, unkind thing... I couldn't believe a therapist would do this.
I later quit working at the company. I waited a few weeks. And then I made a phone call… to Kathy’s practice. I spoke to Kathy. I told her I was seeking therapy. During our intake call, she asked me what kind of issues I was facing. “Well,” I said, “I do this really weird, psychotic thing a few nights a week. I get really drunk, and I start a chat with minimum-wage customer support agents and I tell them multiple times that they should kill themselves. That’s so fucking crazy, right?” She made a tiny noise. A moment passed. The call disconnected.
My friends at the company said that she never messaged them again.
2024.05.15 21:34 Important-Bag3210 How to escape Narc mother /financial freedom
Hey guys excuse my grammar it’s not the very best . So my story is the same as everyone’s really I’ve been I divestor since I was 20 never dated a bm in my life . Because I started dancing at 18 and got into divesting at 20 but my whole life I’ve never dated them subconsciously I just knew something wasn’t right w blackistan so I’m glad I got the message at 20 . But this post isnt about them at all this post is about my mother so ever since I was a child my demonic spirit aka my mother but we’ll just call her a demonic spirit. Never liked me I cannot remember anytime in my childhood where their was some sort of motherly love it’s was always physically mentally and verbally abusive and very neglectful. But let me not get into it by the time I was 11/12 I fantasized about her no longer being alive or me moving to stay w someone sane for the most part I ignored her around the house . I mean when she wasn’t berating and abusing me to clean her house there’s nothing we really had in common I would occupy my time w other hobbies as a child school music outside time friends would take up most of my time and I would loathe to be around her . But she would love to humiliate me in front of my friends and just make me feel very low, Cps was called three times and other people knew about the abuse but nothing was really done , but the time I was in my teenage to young adult hood I was very active always wanted to try new thing new experiences always outside like the thing I used to do in my teens really makes me proud because I was so outgoing and had little to no fear about anything . I literally took a bus across country for a audition when I was like 18/19 (that may seem small to u but now at 24 I get anxiety going across town idky ) ,Like I really walked in a strip club all alone at 18 to get hired by myself and I did . And by the time I was a pre-teen I wanted nothing to do w my mother I had no feeling or no love for her at all . But I left her house at 20 I stay by myself in a 1 bedroom apt .Something automatically changed I was in the house all the time I only left for work I I guess I was still doing things and not anxious about things at 20 but gradually over time I started staying home I felt like I was in a state of arrested development idk what to call it but my I didn’t care to have a relationship w my mother but I still yearned for that motherly love as we all do as I got older so I was 22/23 I wasn’t talking to her for months then she reached out to me via my sister and told me she’s sorry ,changed , and begged me to move in w her I declined several times but after persistently asking and rent getting high I had no choice but to agree (she stays in a very nice house in a nice neighborhood Ik that doesn’t matter but very convincing ) but this time my older brother who’s very mysoginstic Kevin Samuel’s loving hated her cut her off like he was so hurt by the trauma and he wanted to go on Facebook and air all her business out to everyone we knew Facebook is her entire life . At the time I thought it was childish and petty and I was actually one of the flying monkeys ( a term in the therapy world for a narssasist enabler ) . I really thought my mother changed she had me fooled for 6 months even thought I was helping her and trying to fix the relationship we never had our relationship was the best it ever was my whole life she was still talking to me behind my back and having her outbursts. But that was my mother and I craved the mother love I never had so bad I was letting her get away w slight disgusting behaviorI think I was seeing narc mom content but never really paid attention .But one day she had this outburst so bad I was like I’m officially done my older brother cut me offf for dealing me her but idc both of them are toxic . I was doing so much research about how narc mother hate their daughter in competition w them jealous of them . She caused me to have so much low self esteem it’s crazy … and I think this new anxiety and anxiousness about life is her doing I can’t quite telll but when I had no relationship w her I was very outgoing and living my life .(although I was drinking alcohol at the clubs I’ve since stopped though and things are very clear now) ever since I got close to her wanting to build a relationship I’ve been very stagnant . But I cut her off a year ago when she had her outburst . And since then I’ve been slowly getting back to being progressive and outgoing and trying new things and getting a hobby . I still live w her but she’s gone 5 days out the week (she’s a travel nurse ) . What’s crazy to me though is that u really thought she changed and she very much so had me convinced and now she’s back to her old ways . But now since I’m so educated on the topic I used to let her say what she wants and I walk out the house without saying anything back . But now I’m hurting so bad like I’m really hurting in pain thinkin of how can she do this to her child like damn this women really never like or cared about me she just felt obligated because she had me by a bum who ultimately left her and I only meet once . So now I’m returning her energy when she saying awful things to me and I’m saying even more disgusting vile things to her especially about her having 5 kids by 3 men and all of them used and abused her and her taking it on us I’m saying even worse foul things to her (That I never said to her in my life I find it so tacky and degenerate to talk to someone like that I’m really the nicest sweetest person in the world and she knows that I h8 talking to her like that but I’m just standing up for myself after years of her abuse and then I feel guilty for standing up for myself but I will no longer allow her to talk to me in a disgusting manner and get away w it ) . Like last month she brought a man over (which is very new for her she never brought men home she divorced her ex husband when I was 13 and has been single ever since she’s a workaholic which there is nothing wrong w) she brought a guy over and I cussed her out really bad in front of him like oh how could you abuse us like this telling her she took her anger out on us cause she made bad decisions and then I bused out crying telling her how it hard to be and adult beacuse all I think about 24/7 is how she treated us it was bad but esp worst for the girls she was a mammy but she loved her black KANGS she abused us all but treated them a bit better . While I’m crying w tears in my face instead of feeling some sort or remorse in her face she smirked w glee … we fought twice that day her trying to get me out and me telling her to call the police ultimately my sister came to calm us down but mostly took her side I mean that her mother so yea . I used to be one of her flying monkeys so I understand why she feels the way she does my sister. But I cut all of my siblings relatives friends off . I don’t want anything w one one who had a relationship w my mom plus most of them are very degenrate and deep in blackistan my mother is Haitian but I consider myself black American I don’t want anything to do w that culture . I’m cutting them all off I want to move out of this city and relocate .And before anyone tells me that I need to leave I know that trust me but the economy is awful . So I really need some advice ? 1. I want to start a Facebook page when I leave her house add her her personal people that she knows and air out all her dirty laundry and how she treated us . she’s a covert narc and people don’t really know the real her like I want to talk about all the terrible things she’s ever done to us and it’s bad the thought of exposing her like that gives me the boost to want to work everyday and get my shiii together so I can leave this house and never return to the people that knew me I just want to run away and never look back .But sometimes I just think like I should just leave and cut her and everyone who knew me offf and start over in another part of the country and don’t do that Facebook thing it’s childish but I really want to exose her I’m just in the fence about that? 2. I really want to be financially free I’m very frugal I want to bring in an extra 2500 a month where I’ll be comfortable enough to leave and not come back I’m still stripping but it’s getting tiring plus half of the clubs in the city we are like blackistan clubs and I’m sorry I cannot work at blackistan clubs ever again too degenerate for me plus in make more money at white /latin clubs . I work at an all Latin club but I’m literally the only black girl . I want to know are theyre anyway to make an extra income I don’t want a regular 9-5 . I want to work from home for like 3/4 hours a day is there some sort of website I can do that on w me dancing and wanting to be a full time context creator it’s hard to get a 9-5 ? 3.how do I heal from narc abuse like when I dint have a relationship w her life was great but now I’m just trying to heal I should’ve never tried to build a relationship w her I’m reading about narcissism I got a couple hobbies any other way to deal Ik it doesnt help staying w her but I’ll be out soon ?
submitted by Important-Bag3210 to BlackWomenDivest [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 21:32 Turbulent_Dare5917 I dont even wanna try anymore ...
im truly exhausted at this point . I am beginning to hate talking to anyone . The reason is because i think that im just like a waste of time for other people . why tf am i even writing this post for ? . What is a truth, is that i dont have any value . whats the fkin value of a single life ?. No value . a man dies in a war , he is a fuckin number what else hahaha . Yeah i could go on beg for attention like an attention whore , and get a lil bit tiny bit attention , until i stop acting like a idiot and now noone likes me anymore. i been lonely my whole life .im not exaggerating but i have had 2 friends in my 17 years of life on Earth and i lost them as well . the two friends i did have , i couldnt even feel they were a friend , they just seemed like people who i talked too . i havent talked to a woman who wasnt a relative in my whole life , being in a 3rd world muslim country helps for that . i dont even see women in my life . i have literally no life or hope left for any sort of fuckin self improvement , red pill crap . im soo over it . i just want end to this crap existence
submitted by Turbulent_Dare5917 to lonely [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 21:24 theconstellinguist Envy Studies Includes Jealousy Studies: Aspects of Morbid Jealousy
Aspects of Morbid Jealousy
https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/advances-in-psychiatric-treatment/article/aspects-of-morbid-jealousy/06CBB7BF78CC43C785AE6F7C0F0046C9
Morbid jealousy is only possible on someone mentally unstable and delusional. It includes witnessable accusations that have no backing. It is pathological in nature, and it signifies someone mentally unstable.
"Morbid jealousy describes a range of irrational thoughts and emotions, together with associated unacceptable or extreme behavior. In which the dominant theme is a preoccupation with the partner's sexual unfaithfulness based on unfounded evidence."
The delusional nature of the morbidly jealous person causes them to refuse to change their beliefs even in the face of conflicting information, shedding new light on the disturbing denial behavior found in the extremely disturbed.
"Healthy people become jealous only in response to firm evidence, are prepared to modify their beliefs and reactions as new information becomes available, and perceive a single rival. In contrast, morbidly jealous individuals interpret conclusive evidence of infidelity from irrelevant occurrences, refuse to change their beliefs even in the face of conflicting information, and tend to accuse the partner of infidelity with many others."
Overvalued ideas are also seen in the morbidly jealous, shedding more light on future denial studies. The idea is pursued beyond the boundaries of reason. They are willing to cause the partner distress and disadvantage to keep them as a possession, often sometimes permanently destroying much of the socioecology out of sheer jealous rage.
"Sims (1995:pp 17 & 368) raised the possibility that morbid jealousy could take the from of an 'overvalued idea' (Box 4), that is, an acceptable comprehensible idea pursued by the patient beyond the boundaries of reason. The idea is not resisted and although it is not a delusion, the patient characteristically attaches utmost importance to investigating and maintaining the partner's fidelity at great personal disadvantage and to the distress of the partner."
Substance use can be a way for someone with morbid jealousy to self-medicate
"For example, a person with paranoid personality disorder may become preoccupied with and distressed by jealous overvalued ideas, develop a delusion of infidelity and turn to substance misuse in an attempt at self-medication."
Especially men will feel morbid jealousy when experiencing sexual dysfunction, often afraid of being left for someone who doesn't have any problems where sexual intercourse goes smoothly without a bunch of problems.
"It has also been suggested that morbid jealousy may arise in response to reduced sexual function. Cobb (1979) drew attention to the elderly man whose waning sexual powers are insufficient to satisfy a younger wife. Vauhkonen (1968) described sexual dysfunction per se to be important, but whether this was considered to be a primary or secondary is unclear."
Economic depression has been associated with increased incidence of delusional jealousy (Shepherd, 1961).
Jealous people (not all people jealous of people are in a relationship with them; some are just crazed stalkers) will go as far as purchasing underwear to look for signs of sexual activity.
"They include interrogation of the partner, repeated telephone calls to work and surprise visits, stalking behaviors, or hiring a private detective to follow the partner. Jealous individual may search the partner's clothes and possessions, scrutinize diaries and correspondence, and examine bed linen, underclothes and even genitalia for evidence of sexual activity. They may hide recording equipment to detect clandestine liasons, and some go to extreme lengths, including violence, to extract a confession from their partner."
Morbid jealousy is especially disturbing because the convictions cannot be refuted rationally, showing the circuitry of pathological denial and rationalization are shared.
"Heroic efforts to prove innocent or disprove guilt must fails, as irrational preoccupations cannot be refuted rationally (Shepherd, 1961: Mooney, 1965, Seeman, 1979).
Men capable of these delusions and men with circuitry of extreme denial and rationalization are the most likely to be violent.
"Morbidly jealous men were more likely to attack their partners than were morbidly jealous women and they tended to inflict more serious injuries."
Denial and rationalization is linked to the psychotic externalized expression.
"Nevertheless, psychotic drive in delusional jealousy seems to be a particularly important association, as it is generally in linking psychotic conditions and violent actions."
Individuals undergoing DV due to the cruelty are designated homeless to get them out of a situation that is roofing them, not housing them, and can't even do that. Even though unseen, there is no shelter occurring.
"With the assistance of a social worker, the victim may be advised to approach the local authority under the housing Act 1996, in which individuals who suffer domestic violence are designated as homeless."
Given the violence that women undergo, those women who have even short relationships with mentally unwell men were better off never having those relationships. The logical conclusion is while this issue grows and does not see justice, women should not date at all given the safety risk.
"After separation, the morbidly jealous partner may continue to intrude upon and even stalk the victim, maintain a sense of entitlement to the partner, seeking a reconciliation and expecting continuing fidelity. Among stalkers, those who have had a prior relationship with the victim to act violently against them."
submitted by theconstellinguist to envystudies [link] [comments]
https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/advances-in-psychiatric-treatment/article/aspects-of-morbid-jealousy/06CBB7BF78CC43C785AE6F7C0F0046C9
Morbid jealousy is only possible on someone mentally unstable and delusional. It includes witnessable accusations that have no backing. It is pathological in nature, and it signifies someone mentally unstable.
"Morbid jealousy describes a range of irrational thoughts and emotions, together with associated unacceptable or extreme behavior. In which the dominant theme is a preoccupation with the partner's sexual unfaithfulness based on unfounded evidence."
The delusional nature of the morbidly jealous person causes them to refuse to change their beliefs even in the face of conflicting information, shedding new light on the disturbing denial behavior found in the extremely disturbed.
"Healthy people become jealous only in response to firm evidence, are prepared to modify their beliefs and reactions as new information becomes available, and perceive a single rival. In contrast, morbidly jealous individuals interpret conclusive evidence of infidelity from irrelevant occurrences, refuse to change their beliefs even in the face of conflicting information, and tend to accuse the partner of infidelity with many others."
Overvalued ideas are also seen in the morbidly jealous, shedding more light on future denial studies. The idea is pursued beyond the boundaries of reason. They are willing to cause the partner distress and disadvantage to keep them as a possession, often sometimes permanently destroying much of the socioecology out of sheer jealous rage.
"Sims (1995:pp 17 & 368) raised the possibility that morbid jealousy could take the from of an 'overvalued idea' (Box 4), that is, an acceptable comprehensible idea pursued by the patient beyond the boundaries of reason. The idea is not resisted and although it is not a delusion, the patient characteristically attaches utmost importance to investigating and maintaining the partner's fidelity at great personal disadvantage and to the distress of the partner."
Substance use can be a way for someone with morbid jealousy to self-medicate
"For example, a person with paranoid personality disorder may become preoccupied with and distressed by jealous overvalued ideas, develop a delusion of infidelity and turn to substance misuse in an attempt at self-medication."
Especially men will feel morbid jealousy when experiencing sexual dysfunction, often afraid of being left for someone who doesn't have any problems where sexual intercourse goes smoothly without a bunch of problems.
"It has also been suggested that morbid jealousy may arise in response to reduced sexual function. Cobb (1979) drew attention to the elderly man whose waning sexual powers are insufficient to satisfy a younger wife. Vauhkonen (1968) described sexual dysfunction per se to be important, but whether this was considered to be a primary or secondary is unclear."
Economic depression has been associated with increased incidence of delusional jealousy (Shepherd, 1961).
Jealous people (not all people jealous of people are in a relationship with them; some are just crazed stalkers) will go as far as purchasing underwear to look for signs of sexual activity.
"They include interrogation of the partner, repeated telephone calls to work and surprise visits, stalking behaviors, or hiring a private detective to follow the partner. Jealous individual may search the partner's clothes and possessions, scrutinize diaries and correspondence, and examine bed linen, underclothes and even genitalia for evidence of sexual activity. They may hide recording equipment to detect clandestine liasons, and some go to extreme lengths, including violence, to extract a confession from their partner."
Morbid jealousy is especially disturbing because the convictions cannot be refuted rationally, showing the circuitry of pathological denial and rationalization are shared.
"Heroic efforts to prove innocent or disprove guilt must fails, as irrational preoccupations cannot be refuted rationally (Shepherd, 1961: Mooney, 1965, Seeman, 1979).
Men capable of these delusions and men with circuitry of extreme denial and rationalization are the most likely to be violent.
"Morbidly jealous men were more likely to attack their partners than were morbidly jealous women and they tended to inflict more serious injuries."
Denial and rationalization is linked to the psychotic externalized expression.
"Nevertheless, psychotic drive in delusional jealousy seems to be a particularly important association, as it is generally in linking psychotic conditions and violent actions."
Individuals undergoing DV due to the cruelty are designated homeless to get them out of a situation that is roofing them, not housing them, and can't even do that. Even though unseen, there is no shelter occurring.
"With the assistance of a social worker, the victim may be advised to approach the local authority under the housing Act 1996, in which individuals who suffer domestic violence are designated as homeless."
Given the violence that women undergo, those women who have even short relationships with mentally unwell men were better off never having those relationships. The logical conclusion is while this issue grows and does not see justice, women should not date at all given the safety risk.
"After separation, the morbidly jealous partner may continue to intrude upon and even stalk the victim, maintain a sense of entitlement to the partner, seeking a reconciliation and expecting continuing fidelity. Among stalkers, those who have had a prior relationship with the victim to act violently against them."
2024.05.15 21:21 FigVast8216 [M4F] The ancient endling who would avert his kind's fate.
The Ishan species had been, at one point, a truly incredible empire. Gifted with magicks and eternal youth long as they dodged natural death, their beastlike ilk spanned all of Europe and Asia while humanity was in it's utmost infancy. They let them be initially- indeed, they found the smaller species cute, and encoraged their progression out of curiosity. For a time, there was a golden age amidst their kind, the catalogues of history long having since forgotten those early days beyond tales of myth and lore.. but they began to die out, as they grew cocky and began to strike against humanity with cruel intentions and harsh regimes. They believed they were invincible, and that humanity had served their purpose.. yet despite all their power, they were no match for numbers. Scores of Isha fell, death meeting most of their populations with cruel blades, piercing arrows, and wretched hammers.
Only slight shreds remained, content to take subtle positions in mortal myths and pantheons. The norse, the egyptians, anglo-saxons, iranian, aztec, native of the americas- they each pieced their own myth with these powerful beings, believing them to be Godly. Some rose and some fell, many interbreeding with humanity and letting the sweet thoughts and intents of the short lived into their hearts. The resulting demi-gods would carry on, furthering myth and pantheons with their own efforts.. but they were ALL mortal, still. They passed, too, in time.
In the modern age, the Ishan population was less than 100. Many lived on their own, desiring to be left alone by the mortals they had been next to for so very long.. and the eternal ill fortunes of their kind struck again with a plague. What once was a citadel was instead a tomb, the Ishan population all but snuffed out. Only one remained- a relatively long lived Isha male by the name of Neiko, born just before the throes of the industrial revolution.
In a desperate scramble to save his kind, he appealed to any and all nations to install some sort of program, ANYTHING to aid in his species's survival in any form; and he managed to earn the attention of one single nation. In exchange for centuries of treasure he had piled up, totalling some 20 Billion, they installed a voluntary program to assign him mates and the chance to do as he wished: Defy fate.
[Good morning, evening, or afternoon! I'm here looking for folks wanting to play in a very breeding focused prompt, centering on mysteries and fantasy, with plenty of fantastical setpieces and lore to be beheld! My main intent on this prompt is to explore a relationship between Neiko and a/multiple human women, watching them grow from simple neccessity to genuine relationships with trust, love, and all those gooey bits. I want to make it clear that MULTIPLE CHARACTERS AREN'T NECESSARY, I don't want to be the sort to pack on a huge burden on my partner like that!
With that said, some more personal bits on me! I'm a fairly literate roleplayer averaging between two to four paragraphs, with a very descriptive style that puts a lot of speech, detail and thoughts in responses. The most important bit is that I only roleplay in third person, and would appreciate others that roleplay in 3rd as well! It's not impossible for me to work with 1st, just.. difficult. Go ahead and contact me here, or just ask for my Discord!
submitted by FigVast8216 to roleplaying [link] [comments]
Only slight shreds remained, content to take subtle positions in mortal myths and pantheons. The norse, the egyptians, anglo-saxons, iranian, aztec, native of the americas- they each pieced their own myth with these powerful beings, believing them to be Godly. Some rose and some fell, many interbreeding with humanity and letting the sweet thoughts and intents of the short lived into their hearts. The resulting demi-gods would carry on, furthering myth and pantheons with their own efforts.. but they were ALL mortal, still. They passed, too, in time.
In the modern age, the Ishan population was less than 100. Many lived on their own, desiring to be left alone by the mortals they had been next to for so very long.. and the eternal ill fortunes of their kind struck again with a plague. What once was a citadel was instead a tomb, the Ishan population all but snuffed out. Only one remained- a relatively long lived Isha male by the name of Neiko, born just before the throes of the industrial revolution.
In a desperate scramble to save his kind, he appealed to any and all nations to install some sort of program, ANYTHING to aid in his species's survival in any form; and he managed to earn the attention of one single nation. In exchange for centuries of treasure he had piled up, totalling some 20 Billion, they installed a voluntary program to assign him mates and the chance to do as he wished: Defy fate.
[Good morning, evening, or afternoon! I'm here looking for folks wanting to play in a very breeding focused prompt, centering on mysteries and fantasy, with plenty of fantastical setpieces and lore to be beheld! My main intent on this prompt is to explore a relationship between Neiko and a/multiple human women, watching them grow from simple neccessity to genuine relationships with trust, love, and all those gooey bits. I want to make it clear that MULTIPLE CHARACTERS AREN'T NECESSARY, I don't want to be the sort to pack on a huge burden on my partner like that!
With that said, some more personal bits on me! I'm a fairly literate roleplayer averaging between two to four paragraphs, with a very descriptive style that puts a lot of speech, detail and thoughts in responses. The most important bit is that I only roleplay in third person, and would appreciate others that roleplay in 3rd as well! It's not impossible for me to work with 1st, just.. difficult. Go ahead and contact me here, or just ask for my Discord!
2024.05.15 21:02 Funny-Barnacle1291 Taylor is using Yin Yang & 'Four Beasts' of Chinese Philosophy to foreshadow Karma and coming out; The Man wall is a Yin Yang calendar
 | Hi everyone, submitted by Funny-Barnacle1291 to GaylorSwift [link] [comments] I want to talk about The Man ‘clock’; Reputation, Karma, and I am proposing a release date of Friday August 23 2024 for Karma! I think it is either a double album with Reputation or Reputation comes some time in September or early spring 2025 (the year of the snake). Taylor has weaved Yin Yang Chinese philosophy, mythology and astrology throughout TTPD, the Eras Tour and other parts of her work, such as LWYMMD MV, to foreshadow Karma. I believe The Man easter egg wall is actually based on a Chinese Yin Yang calendar, as well as working with the ‘3,2,1’ theory. She is also using it to tell us she needs to make a big life change, and I think that change is coming out. Taylor is telling us she is ‘out of balance’ and she needs to take action to rebalance herself via Karma. Warning in advance, this is a long post, but if you can bear with me I really think there is something in this. From what I can see, she has been linking to Yin and Yang philosophy, the ‘Four Beasts’ in that philosophy, and Karma itself for a long time – since 2015/16 but potentially longer – and it’s got louder and bigger as the release of Karma draws nearer. Because yes, it’s definitely happening, and yes, it’s the album to burn it all down. This is all connected to: TTPD and the use of Yin and Yang, her animal imagery – including outfits, lyrics and Eras Tour and music video visuals, her use of colour, particularly with outfits, and her repeated use of fire and orange, especially. It is based on Chinese philosophy, folklore and mythology, and it is so fundamental to her work at this point you could do an entire re-listen of 1989 onwards and find hints of this everywhere. Yin and Yang directly informs Karma. I want to start off by saying if I get anything wrong, please do say! I know karma, yin and yang and mythology in general can be really misrepresented, and I want to share a theory most accurate when explaining historical and modern-day Chinese and Japanese mythology. Please just shout (if you feel comfortable) if I miss the mark on anything! Few important posts and credits: · u/courtingdisaster with the slideshow for a TTPD P3 with inclusion of the yin yang symbol here · u/macandcheese359 who showed the links between the LWYMMD MV and Paris outfits here · u/goldenheart411 with a wee theory in the comments of a post about TSMWEL that the yin and yang is Taylor's public self and her queer self - which i LOVE – and I think really informs this use of Yin Yang, and Karma is what will 'rebalance' this · u/clydelogan, who has posted about yin and yang, numerology and astrology connections all related to Taylor easter eggings the Karma release, post here, and who has also theorised RepTV will be a double album with Karma as the vault tracks · I started thinking about this in response to u/macandcheese359's post here on tigers Yin & Yang Yin and Yang comes from ancient Chinese philosophy, and it is the concept that all things exist as inseperable and contradictory opposites. Yin is black and Yang is white. As the Yin and Yang black and white circle symbol illustrates, each side has an element of the other which is represented by the small dots. Neither pole is superior: the goal of Yin and Yang is balance between the two 'poles' or 'sides' in order to achieve true harmony. Yin and Yang is so fundamental to China that it is not just contained to philosophy, but medicine and culture too. I also want to add that the original position is the white half on top, the black half on the bottom, as shown in photos. I believe Taylor is using both Yin Yang positions. Crucially, when we're thinking of Taylor, the circular yin-yang isn't the only way yin-yang can be symbolised. It is also, very often, symbolised through an infinity sign. This is because in the ‘Bagua’, a set of Chinese symbols which illustrate the nature of reality as yin and yang, the number 8 represents infinity, and in the Bagua the number 8 also represents the eight primary aspects of Yin and Yang combinations which represent the universe. Source here. Karma When we think about Karma; the meaning of it is to act, to take action. Karma can be the seeds and the fruits of action, to reap what we sow. Karma addresses interior and exterior forces impacting us. “Each one of us has a soul to keep in balance. Upset that balance with some foolish and hurtful misdeed and we spend a succession of lives re-establishing the Law of Opposites reaping that we have sown. The process of balancing is what we call Karma. It owes nothing to religion, but relies upon the knowledge and responsibility that we should (but usually don’t!) have. Yin and Yang is the oriental understanding of karma and that there are positive and negative forces in the universe that balance each other out. They balance due to how karma equalizes the energy flow and irons out all the ripples in the multi dimensional planes.” (source) Yin Yang Imagery from TS Taylor has been highlighting Yin and Yang imagery in TTPD, many of us have picked it up.The TTPD logo was released in black and white. The TTPD logo is simply switching the black and the white part of the bottom half; demonstrating a rotation of Yin Yang in her symbolism and therefore two calendars. This helped me figure out The Man wall. https://preview.redd.it/x7fbf8ftzm0d1.jpg?width=200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8d52acb34da92e1a7912a573317296b14cbdd594 https://preview.redd.it/kxsuk8ftzm0d1.jpg?width=200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6ac8e55b2dcd7a565d545ebd9c395a76a05ca33c At the TTPD library, there is the hand with the peace sign. Originally it was white. She then at some point changed it to black. This is using 2, ie the two parts of Yin and Yang, and the colour changes signal the fluidity of Yin and Yang. Tiktok in below images here. https://preview.redd.it/a0mjl7y00n0d1.png?width=200&format=png&auto=webp&s=f8b6dee772c00ccd655bb4555f664f85d7c2e9ac https://preview.redd.it/cc1hv7y00n0d1.png?width=200&format=png&auto=webp&s=efdc7cac4159986e1fe7f54af235d86a59032f8f TTPD is both Yin and Yang, shown by using both black and white. The first drop of TTPD has white artwork, at midnight, meaning it is Yang: white, masculine, light, straight (yes, really), energetic, exterior, hard, odd numbers. The second deluxe drop has black artwork, it is Yin: dark, feminine, the moon, cold, discreet, rounded, soft, mental, even numbers. There is always a little Yin in Yang and Yang in Yin, as represented by the dots in the Yin and Yang symbol. Here is the track list of TTPD Midnight edition & The Anthology seperated into their representation of Yin and Yang, based on how each was dropped per imagery above. https://preview.redd.it/wy25a6x70n0d1.png?width=623&format=png&auto=webp&s=202464871233635e3dac1092bf985dc61518408d One important thing to notice is the sides are unbalanced. Does Yin represent the side she is suppressing, the side she needs to balance? TTPD has 16 tracks and the anthology 15; this demonstrates an imbalance – Yang represents odd, but Taylor’s Yang side has 16 tracks, Yin represents even, but Taylor’s Yin side has 15. She also is on TS11. This leads me to my theory that she needs to ‘balance’ her yin and yang through Karma, it is bringing what is out of balance back into balance. She is repeatedly telling us something is wrong, something is unbalanced, hidden, obscured, ‘this is not Taylor’s Version’, that she is sick – and in Asian tradition, to be sick means inner and outer forces are out of balance. Yin, the part of TTPD which has less songs, is ‘insufficient’ – which represents an over-focus on ‘night-time’ and symptoms like insomnia, and it can be caused by being overworked, it can cause burnout, it can result in feeling lost or not knowing who you are or hiding who you are. Yang represents the exterior and exterior forces, and an excess in Yang can represent that outside forces are at play and you lack honesty, authenticity, crave validation from the same forces which harm you; it could represent that she is ‘allowing’ the threat of the exterior, exterior forces, her career, her brand, her image, to determine what she hides and suppresses, and is paying a price for that. Many of us believe it is exterior forces which have forced her back into the closet. This draws me back to what Taylor said in Miss Americana about being gone for a year end of 2016-17: “Nobody physically saw me for a year. That’s what I thought they wanted. I had to deconstruct an entire belief system, toss it out & reject it. It woke me up from constantly feeling I was fighting for people’s respect. It was happiness without anyone else’s input.” Part of my belief in this theory is the use of the colour orange, I’ll go into this more but orange, in Buddhism, is the ‘essence’, it is the colour of flame or fire, it is an incredibly important colour and it describes a process of taking action and burning it all down to gain enlightenment and nirvana. (Source). Clocks, Calendars and The Four Auspicious Beasts Importantly, Yin and Yang in Chinese culture relates to clocks, cycles and calendars, which directly relates to The Man wall which I’ll explore further down the post. "The Four Auspicious Beasts" represent different parts of Yin and Yang and correlate to the Chinese calendar. https://preview.redd.it/tytiyxgd0n0d1.jpg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c3567bcf2140f18ef0fb6eb6e9a09af61f524546 https://preview.redd.it/qtd8hngd0n0d1.jpg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bc6bc92f8e46dd232d2d8e475c88b17b7571a676 "The Four Auspicious Beasts" are also known as The Four Symbols, The Four Guardians and The Four Gods. Each Beast has their own season, colour and direction, and one of the five elements of fire, wood, earth, metal and water. They are:
In traditional Chinese philosophy, Yin Yang positioning takes precedence over directional; despite the Vermilion Bird representing South, if Yin Yang is in the traditional position (black being the right, bottom position, white being the left, top position) then the Vermilion Bird is at the top and the Tortoise at the bottom. Yin Yang is sometimes turned clockwise as part of a ‘cycle’, like so: https://preview.redd.it/wgiv2f4g0n0d1.jpg?width=463&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4ec9148d79bab9705f77fd3298617f24b4203dff Yin and Yang is always clockwise, the ‘upright’ position of Yin and Yang has Yin (black) is on the bottom right and Yang (white) is on the top left. You move from ‘utmost Yang’ (summer) through to Utmost Yin (winter) and back through to summer, hence why it’s a seasonal calendar. Whether we listen to TTPD backwards, which would then follow the traditional Ying Yang, it matches up to the Four Beasts! “Looking backwards, may be the only way forwards”. This has been theorised before here and here. I’m including You’re Losing Me, honestly because it fits this theory, but it also fits the idea that Taylor uses the last song or couple of last songs to foreshadow the next album. It also fits if we were to listen to her discography backwards, as she points to, as You’re Losing Me being the last song of TTPD and the first song of Midnights. https://preview.redd.it/krjw40ei0n0d1.png?width=754&format=png&auto=webp&s=b4df38eb263e35c7a00d930f61b5eb4ede9cf222 The Manuscript, “Lookin' backwards, might be the only way to move forward…. but this story isn’t mine anymore”, and then we have YIN: The White Tiger Robin: “Long may you reign, you're an animal, you are bloodthirsty… slowed down clocks tethered, all this showmanship, to keep it, for you, in sweetness, way to go, tiger, higher and higher, wilder and lighter, for you, long may you roar…Buried down deep and out of your reach, the secret we all vowed to keep it, from you, in sweetness, way to go tiger, higher and higher, wilder and lighter, for you… You'll learn to bounce back just like your trampoline, but now we'll curtail your curiosity, in sweetness, way to go, Tiger” In Chinese mythology, the white tiger represents power, strength, and courage. It embodies the essence of nature’s wrath, serving as a guardian of morality and justice. As the white tiger represents Yin, it is the embodiment of purpose and patience and it is the ruler on Earth. It is a protector, and there are themes of protection and guarded secrets in this song. I greatly believe this is a song about her talking to her younger self, so I find it incredibly interesting it has themes of courage, patience, strength and guarding or righting morality and justice. The tiger is often used to symbolise action being taken to right wrongs, to reveal secrets, and to provide justice. An excerpt from The Sexual Secrets of The White Tigress, written by Hsi Lai, which is a translation of an ancient Chinese manual, the White Tigress Manual, regarding female sexuality: "If you cannot face directly into your sexuality, you will never discover your true spirituality. Your earthly spirit leads to discovering your heavenly spirit. Look at what created you to discover what will immortalize you. Freedom, joy, peace, love, healing is found when you face your truth. They elude you when you turn away. Face your truths." Utmost Yin: The Black Tortoise The next songs that are important are Cassandra and The Black Dog, which I believe are meant to be used together to symbolise The Black Tortoise with the snake, and therefore true to ancient Chinese philosophy and mythology. The Black Tortoise generally only represents Utmost Yin when depicted with a snake. The Black Dog sits directly at the point of which sits The Black Tortoise, representing utmost Yin. This is perhaps the least obvious one, because it is a dog, but with the rest of the theory really adding up, and it sitting at Track 15 backwards, I feel it fits. It also represents water, for which Taylor uses a lot of imagery of in the song. The Black Dog: “And it hits me, I just don't understand, how you don't miss me, in The Black Dog….my longings stay unspoken, and I may never open up the way I did for you…And it kills me, I just don't understand, how you don't miss me, in the shower, and remember, how my rain-soaked body was shaking… that was intertwined in the tragic fabric of our dreaming, 'Cause tail between your legs, you're leaving” Cassandra: “When the first stone's thrown, there's screaming, in the streets, there's a raging riot, when it's "Burn the bitch, " they're shrieking, when the truth comes out, it's quiet….. so, they filled my cell with snakes, I regret to say, do you believe me now? I was in my tower weaving nightmares, twisting all my smiles into snarls, they say, "what doesn't kill you makes you aware" what happens if it becomes who you are?” A tortoise intertwined with a snake represents a sense of inner conflict or hibernation, the depths of winter. It can represent guarded secrets or something hidden, a sense of protecting one self, or feeling conflicted about those secrets or the struggle they contain. When the snake is subduing a tortoise, it represents control – it can sometimes signify exterior forces causing this inner conflict or struggle. There are clear themes of subduing with snakes in Cassandra. The tortoises shell signifies resilience, strength, and also safeguarding; it represents a shield to the rest of the world, a protection from harm. The snake or serpent with the tortoise embodies wisdom and adaptability in the face of advertisity, and the power and authority to take back control. When there is cohesion between the two, they are a powerful force: the tortoise signifies quiet, while the snake signifies swiftness to act. There are themes of all of this in The Black Dog and Cassandra; particularly an inner conflict, exterior forces, and ‘longings’, combined with imagery of struggles, fights, and water – emotion. Yang: The Azure Dragon: This was probably the hardest to match, but once figured out it becomes quite strong. The Chinese dragon is widely understood to have developed in myth from serpents and vipers, and it is usually depicted as being very alike to a serpent or viper. It represents Spring, dawn and wood, and its colours range from blue to green. Very importantly, ancient drawings of The Azure Dragon depict the dragon’s shape with a horse’s head and a snake’s tail and tendril-like whiskers. The song that draws symbolism for The Azure Dragon is But Daddy I Love Him. There are, however, other songs that have links to it; for example, the Dragon represents Heaven – and there are themes of heaven in several songs on the Yang side. But Daddy I Love Him: “I forget how the west was won… I just learned these people only raise you to cage you…too high a horse, for a simple girl to rise above it, they slammed the door on my whole world, the one thing I wanted, now I'm running with my dress unbuttoned, screaming "But Daddy I love him!" I'm having his baby - no, I'm not, but you should see your faces, I'm telling him to floor it through the fences… Dutiful daughter, all my plans were laid, tendrils tucked into a woven braid, growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all, he was chaos, he was revelry…soon enough the elders had convened, down at the city hall, "Stay away from her" the saboteurs protested too much, Lord knows the words we never heard, just screeching tires and true love…I'll tell you something about my good name, it's mine alone to disgrace, I don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empath's clothing” The Azure Dragon is a being which brings about order among chaos. It symbolises fertility, youth, sunrise and power, as well as the energy of transformation. It’s also creative and masculine, and represents power over authority. BDILH is a very rebellious song, rebelling against authority and reclaiming your power. The imagery being drawn out is that Taylor is rebelling, reclaiming power and defying authority. One of the things that really stood out to me and solidified this theory for me was “tendrils tucked into a woven braid”: not only does Dragon braids exist, but depictions and descriptions of The Azure Dragon consistently refer to tendril-like whiskers, and these are a large part of the imagery. The Azure Dragon also represents strength and courage, and part of reclaiming power is also reclaiming truth as per Chinese philosophy. The Dragon is also said to control the rain and water; which can be interpreted as learning to better control both surroundings and emotions. The Vermilion Bird (Chinese Phoenix) We end with You’re Losing Me: The Vermilion Bird, The Chinese Phoenix, which is ‘Chinese Red’; shades of red encompassing orange. This is incredibly strong, and most importantly it is an image and reference Taylor is clearly drawing from a lot. You’re Losing Me: ““I'm getting tired even for a phoenix, always risin' from the ashes, mendin' all her gashes, every mornin', I glared at you with storms in my eyes, how can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying? I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick, my face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick…How long could we be a sad song, 'til we were too far gone to bring back to life? I gave you all my best me's, I can't find a pulse, my heart won't start anymore” The Vermilion Bird of the South represents death and rebirth. The mythology of the phoenix is that when one life cycle is ending, the phoenix bursts into flames to then be reborn; a new life is born from the ashes. The phoenix is a sacred bird not just present in Chinese mythology, but also Greek, Egyptian, Persian and Japanese mythology. The Chinese Phoenix represents daylight, authenticity, truth. It is generally understood that the Vermilion Bird represents a significant life change, but more than that it signifies a rebirth of your self, and to do that it requires burning it all down to rebuild from the ashes. Importantly, it can also represent public reputation; it can signify shedding unneccessary need for validation from exterior forces and prioritising yourself and your truth. The Vermilion Bird symbolises fire, and it is ‘Chinese red’, meaning it is shades of deep red to orange, and it is depicted with red, orange and yellow, often against a backdrop of clouds. See below. https://preview.redd.it/byutuxtl0n0d1.jpg?width=483&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2480ccc0f9938e36ec452dfbe0faf8caf9dd1349 You’re Losing Me is not the only song she draws imagery of death, rebirth, and fire. It is throughout TTPD, representing that The Vermilion Bird is perhaps the most important part of Taylor’s message and symbolism, in my opinion. Here are some other examples: BDILH: “I'll tell you something right now, I'd rather burn my whole life down” Guilty As Sin?: “Oh what a way to die, my bedsheets are ablaze, I've screamed his name, building up like waves, crashing over my grave, without ever touching his skin, how can I be guilty as sin?” The Alchemy: “What if I told you I'm back? The hospital was a drag, worst sleep that I ever had, I circled you on a map, I haven't come around in so long, but I'm coming back so strong”Cassandra: “In the streets, there's a raging riot, when it's "Burn the bitch, " they're shrieking” / “they set my life in flames, I regret to say, do you believe me now?” / “Bet they never spared a prayer for my soul, you can mark my words that I said it first, in a morning warning, no one heard” (I think morning doubles as ‘mourning’ here). Imagery of The Auspicious Beasts and Chinese Philosophy The Chinese Phoenix: Fire, Red Yellow & Orange Image from u/clydelogan in this post https://preview.redd.it/fqnrf5kv0n0d1.jpg?width=550&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5ba0aba40be19c69f1f3a347b50ffaae313d9f52 https://preview.redd.it/r7s1s12y0n0d1.png?width=858&format=png&auto=webp&s=18dba6257d71e1eb0397fdba8b9465ab432deead https://preview.redd.it/hecft02y0n0d1.jpg?width=2048&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=25d8c05e0aa9c15b0af02d8fcb300baaba9e245b https://preview.redd.it/b8awr02y0n0d1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6edf4a7a832cc72c3c88468a0d67f024173e7361 The Azure Dragon & Koi https://preview.redd.it/zmeiug411n0d1.jpg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=98c33ec049719bafd084e594ce3913b92584d794 https://preview.redd.it/a0drye411n0d1.jpg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c7b1716be59df64cff9550b82110ced995153546 https://preview.redd.it/xqfq6by21n0d1.jpg?width=487&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fd2fd9cb796cab7def6da65ed68fc94d6bdebbe3 A Fifth Auspicious Beast and Koi There is also a fifth auspicious beast, The Yellow Dragon. It is the Yellow Dragon of the centre of Yin Yang, and it symbolises the centre of the earth. There’s a really important story concerning the Yellow or Golden Dragon that I think Taylor is drawing from, that I’ll share below. In Chinese mythology and legend, koi is an incredibly important fish - and it has links to Yin and Yang. Legend is, in the Yellow River there was a large school of fish, koi, that would swim upstream and against the current towards a waterfall. When the koi would reach the waterfall, many would attempt to leap up the waterfall to get to the top. Some versions of the legend believe this attracted local deities who made the waterfall even higher. The koi continued to try to get to the top for 100 years, until finally a single koi made it. The gods rewarded this amazing achievement by transforming the koi into a golden dragon - a very well known Chinese symbol and image. The Golden Dragon can also be The Yellow Dragon; the centre of Yin and Yang, representing true harmony. The waterfall then became known as "The Dragon Gate" and the story is said to symbolise strength, courage, perseverance, telling us to never give up, no matter what, no matter the odds. Koi is therefore often used to symbolise Yin Yang. In Chinese culture, pairing the Koi with the yin-yang symbol holds great significance; the sides masculine and feminine energies of koi swimming together, perfectly representing the harmony of two opposite energies coming together as one and creating a perfect balance. See the above images of koi imagery and her recent social media post promoting The Eras Tour (The Extended Version) with a lyric from Long Live “I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you” with a yellow heart, and then a dragon emoji. Here’s the post. I would also like to point to this post from u/magnificently-cursed highlighting how Virginia Woolf used fish to represent “women’s forbidden desires”. Colour Theory Yin and Yang and Chinese philosophy also informs colour theory as we know it today. Earth is represented by Yellow whereas Heaven is represented by Purple. Pointing to a post (see here) from u/glowoffthepavement, Long Live was cut from The Eras Tour Theatrical Version and multiple songs from Speak Now are performed in the yellow dress, which in colour theory can represent closeting. Is ‘Earth’ to her where she has to closet, and so she wants to stay in that lavender haze (heaven)? And is she ready to ‘burn it all down’ and come out? Orange I've already pointed out that the Phoenix is the colours of sunset, and how Taylor is using orange and fire throughout her work and visuals. In Chinese folklore and tradition, orange represents rebirth. Buddhist monks wear robes in the colour of orange, which symbolise simplicity and letting go of materialism. Orange is thought to represent the 'very essence of Buddhism' as it signifies wisdom, strength and dignity. Saffron as an orange dye was a natural one available, but there's also other reasons for the robes - saffron symbolises flames, a symbol of truth. It is known as 'the colour of illumination, the highest state of perfection'. It draws to the mind for me: “I looked around in a blood-soaked gown, and I saw something they can't take away, cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned, everything you lose is a step you take, so make the friendship bracelets, take the moment and taste it, you've got no reason to be afraid” (You’re on your own, kid) Orange, is, ofcourse, the colour we all think represents Karma, the lost album. I think she is drawing us backwards because something is missing, her art and her work is unbalanced, her story is unbalanced, and she is hiding herself and her truth. I think she is ready to burn it all down, with Karma. Okay, so what does this all mean? Well, there’s more. The Man Calendar: it is Yin and Yang symbolism This is a working theory, but here’s what it looks like. I’ve used both Yin Yangs as Taylor has used both, but so far only Red sits on the traditional Yin Yang, which is interesting considering TTPD’s work sits on the traditional Yin Yang. My theory is she’s attempting to rebalance that. https://preview.redd.it/ashhv7le1n0d1.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a261d015c8746ac1f062739756f3aa67ec86520b https://preview.redd.it/skxm7nle1n0d1.jpg?width=1584&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=16d7c5ac1cc769a6c0aff5b5007e10554e7f41a9 The release... of Karma the lost album! If The Man clock works as a calendar based on Yin and Yang, then this is when I theorise Karma and Reputation releases · I believe Karma sits on the left calendar, the traditional Yin Yang position. · Therefore, Karma would be summer - I think Karma could be released on 23 August 2024. This would be the six year anniversary of the announcement of Reputation, one day before the six year anniversary of LWYMMD. Given the easter eggs in LWYMMD (post here), I think this could really fit. Karma was meant to be her sixth album. Additionally, 8 is her destiny number, and we are seeing 2’s, 3’s, and especially 5’s, all over the place and 2+3=5. · If Reputation is also released this summer, it would be on the rotated Yin Yang calendar on the right. This could represent the ‘balance’ of re-releasing Reputation with its ‘sister’ album Karma. · It could very well be a double album, representing a balance between the two. · If it is not a double album, Reputation could be released next year in early Spring, to sit on the left calendar. Next year is The Year of the Snake. She could possibly do a drop during Chinese New Year, which is January 29th to February 12th. So.. that’s it. I’m so sorry this is so long, I did my best to keep it short. Would absolutely love to hear people’s thoughts and whether or not they think I’m a bit mad. Thankyou for reading! TLDR: Karma is coming this summer, either with Reputation or followed by Reputation early next year. Taylor is using Yin Yang symbolism, The Four Beasts and Chinese philosophy to weave ideas of imbalance throughout her work, to Easter Egg the arrival of Karma as a re-writing of the narrative, a redressing of injustice and imbalance in her life. There are consistent themes of needing courage, needing to speak her truth, and needing to rewrite a grave wrong and stop being so impacted by exterior forces. The Man wall is Yin Yang symbolism, highlighting a calendar of when she drops Karma & re-releases. This could be followed by a coming out! |
2024.05.15 21:01 relationshipguy254 Can You Find Love After Leaving in An Abusive Relationship, Or Are You Destroyed for Life?
Today, I want to answer this question: Can you still find love after being in a narcissistic relationship where someone treated you really badly? Or does it ruin your chances for good? It's a pretty interesting question. When I say "love" here, I mean just finding someone to confide in or have a good relationship with.
You might feel like there's no hope because you don't trust anyone anymore. It's like you believe everyone's going to hurt you. You feel like you can't trust men or women. You think you always end up with people who use you, and sometimes you even start thinking everyone is just mean. That's what being in a toxic situation does to you. It makes you so negative that you can't see anything good anymore.
Even when you see other people in good relationships, you might not see what's healthy about it. Or even if you do, you might think, "That's not going to happen for me." But yes, it's totally possible to find a good relationship after being in a bad one. And it's not just about finding someone new. When people say they found love after a bad relationship, you might think you just need to find the perfect person.
You might think you need to make a list of what your perfect partner should be like and then try to find someone who matches it. Maybe you consider joining dating apps like Bumble or moving to a new place or changing the type of people you date. But if you're just focused on finding someone new, you might miss out on a healthy relationship.
If all you're doing after abuse is searching for a new partner to replace the old one, you might not find a healthy relationship. What's important is to focus on yourself. You can still find love and a good relationship after abuse, but it starts with understanding yourself. That means knowing your fears, weaknesses, vulnerabilities, flaws, and the negative patterns you've learned. When you truly understand these things, you reach a level of acceptance and awareness that can lead to healthier relationships.
You come to realize that the problem wasn't really about the other person—it was about not understanding how you deserve to be treated, or not seeing things clearly in your relationships. Now, as you develop a deeper relationship with yourself, you have the choice to pursue love or a healthy relationship or to stay single. But this isn't driven by fear or trying to escape anymore. When you haven't healed and you're seeking a healthy relationship, it's not really about love.
It's easy to fall into the trap of seeking a new relationship as a way to escape or avoid facing the deeper issues and pain from the past. These unresolved issues can linger beneath the surface, driving you to seek solace in a new relationship. However, when you've truly worked on yourself and addressed those painful aspects, you won't view a relationship as merely an escape. Instead, you'll see it as an opportunity for genuine connection and growth, not as a means to run away from yourself.
Even though you'll still go on dates and follow the usual steps, your approach will be different. It won't be driven by fear anymore. Instead, you'll approach dating from a place of self-understanding, knowing yourself deeply, and recognizing when something isn't right. So, despite experiencing narcissistic abuse, you're not doomed forever. While you might come across forums where people claim to be permanently damaged, it's essential to remember that most forums are so full of bitter and cynical people and if you hang around with them for long, you will be forever stuck in victimhood.
Choose the emotionally challenging path for you, that is the path of facing your fears and even sometimes accepting that you can’t do it by yourself and seeking help through therapy or any other healing modality that suits you. You won't be permanently damaged if you take action, focus on yourself, and take responsibility for your life now. If you keep dwelling on the narcissist and what others have done to you, it'll only hold you back. But by concentrating on your own growth and taking small steps forward, you can emerge from this experience even more aware than before the abusive relationship.
Note from the Author
If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.
submitted by relationshipguy254 to healfromabuse [link] [comments]
You might feel like there's no hope because you don't trust anyone anymore. It's like you believe everyone's going to hurt you. You feel like you can't trust men or women. You think you always end up with people who use you, and sometimes you even start thinking everyone is just mean. That's what being in a toxic situation does to you. It makes you so negative that you can't see anything good anymore.
Even when you see other people in good relationships, you might not see what's healthy about it. Or even if you do, you might think, "That's not going to happen for me." But yes, it's totally possible to find a good relationship after being in a bad one. And it's not just about finding someone new. When people say they found love after a bad relationship, you might think you just need to find the perfect person.
You might think you need to make a list of what your perfect partner should be like and then try to find someone who matches it. Maybe you consider joining dating apps like Bumble or moving to a new place or changing the type of people you date. But if you're just focused on finding someone new, you might miss out on a healthy relationship.
If all you're doing after abuse is searching for a new partner to replace the old one, you might not find a healthy relationship. What's important is to focus on yourself. You can still find love and a good relationship after abuse, but it starts with understanding yourself. That means knowing your fears, weaknesses, vulnerabilities, flaws, and the negative patterns you've learned. When you truly understand these things, you reach a level of acceptance and awareness that can lead to healthier relationships.
You come to realize that the problem wasn't really about the other person—it was about not understanding how you deserve to be treated, or not seeing things clearly in your relationships. Now, as you develop a deeper relationship with yourself, you have the choice to pursue love or a healthy relationship or to stay single. But this isn't driven by fear or trying to escape anymore. When you haven't healed and you're seeking a healthy relationship, it's not really about love.
It's easy to fall into the trap of seeking a new relationship as a way to escape or avoid facing the deeper issues and pain from the past. These unresolved issues can linger beneath the surface, driving you to seek solace in a new relationship. However, when you've truly worked on yourself and addressed those painful aspects, you won't view a relationship as merely an escape. Instead, you'll see it as an opportunity for genuine connection and growth, not as a means to run away from yourself.
Even though you'll still go on dates and follow the usual steps, your approach will be different. It won't be driven by fear anymore. Instead, you'll approach dating from a place of self-understanding, knowing yourself deeply, and recognizing when something isn't right. So, despite experiencing narcissistic abuse, you're not doomed forever. While you might come across forums where people claim to be permanently damaged, it's essential to remember that most forums are so full of bitter and cynical people and if you hang around with them for long, you will be forever stuck in victimhood.
Choose the emotionally challenging path for you, that is the path of facing your fears and even sometimes accepting that you can’t do it by yourself and seeking help through therapy or any other healing modality that suits you. You won't be permanently damaged if you take action, focus on yourself, and take responsibility for your life now. If you keep dwelling on the narcissist and what others have done to you, it'll only hold you back. But by concentrating on your own growth and taking small steps forward, you can emerge from this experience even more aware than before the abusive relationship.
Note from the Author
If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.