My intentions were to join the Air Force Reserve, but due to my medical history, I feel like all hope may be lost. From the ages fifteen and seventeen I was admitted to a mental facility due to saying I wanted to kill myself, which I did not both times I was admitted I was staying with an abusive parent and only said that to leave for my safety which is directly stated in my medical records. I do have self harm scars from my wrist down to my elbow, but I haven’t done anything to hurt myself in over two years. I want to join the reserve or go active duty in any branch of the military it doesn’t matter but I want to join. I know I cannot receive a guaranteed answer on if still trying to join is hopeless, but opinions and advice would be very welcomed. Thank you.

Hello, reddit First, tw: Self harm and suicidal thoughts, please skip if triggering Here is the thing, I'm basically asking for judgement here, and if I really deserve what I am doing to myself. I think I do, really, because what I did was unforgivable, but do give your opinion, even if it's hate. Because I do deserve it here, really. So, I grew up in a religious family. Like, one in which things like "love marriage " And......well.......The "child making process" was considered a sin. Absolute sin. Like—I did not know what......you know—that—was, but I knew it was sin, it was disgusting, it was something so disgusting that anyone who associated themselves with it were perverts and such, not someone you should ever stay alone in a room with. Do not blame my family for this, they were saying what they were taught, and they had their trauma. They have broken through enough abuse for me, do not blame them please. Anyways, I was a huge fan of Harry Potter. And I stumbled into the world of fanfiction. And I read them. Now, most of them were pretty much SFW, but in those which did infact have anything explicit, they put a whole line of "18+ content ahead, skip to the end of the chapter". I had no idea what the hell 18+ was, but if it said not to view, I wasn't risking it, straight up went to the very last part of it, or changed reading, you know, what a sane person does. Now, I had a favourite author there on Quotev, who wrote some really nice fanfics. Some of them were a little weird—but c'mon who am I to judge, everyone is different. One day, I stumbled upon some works of her. Well, the stories she did write, those were completely SFW. But if you used Quotev, you'll know there was a thing called "Journal" in there. Sort of like "conversation" in Wattpad. There, she had written NSFW chapters on the characters. Here's the thing. There was no warning. None at all. No warning or tagging or anything provided there to show that it was 18+. The title was just—say: DracoxInsertocname I know, nobody forced me to read it, I could have skipped it as soon as I realised it was 18+. But here is the thing. I DIDN'T know what it was. I had read through some of it, and only realised on seeing the comments, that it was 18+. And I felt. I felt tainted, like I had committed a sin. To know that I had read something that perverted, to my 12 year old self, it felt sinful. Like I had my pure white mind muddied out of carelessness. I know, authors don't own us any tags. And if it were a hardcover book, it wouldn't have any tags. But here is the thing. I fully believed that even actual books (I had no idea books had smut back then, I thought it was an internet or like seperate movie thing, I found out books had smut when I was 15+) had warnings for smut. Blood and gore? Sure, no problem, make it as gross as you want, no warnings needed. But something as sinful as 18+? Must be tagged. MUST. BE . TAGGED. That was my thought process. Remember it wasn't AO3. So there was no tagging system. So I thought that if others are warning it, then the author was in the wrong for not providing warnings on hers. It was a site where children as young as 11 were. Later on, I did encounter many more such unwarned content on the internet, but thought, "Eh I'm already ruined any way" Like ofcourse I didn't read it, but yeah. Logic. That I was a sinner too, so I can't get offended anymore. Here comes the bad part, for which, if you hate me, I'll not blame you. I wrote her a letter. Like, online obviously. In the inbox of her writing site. I was.....very mean. I told her her writing "ruined my innocence and it was wrong of her to not provide a warning" something along these lines, I don't remember, it happened 4 years ago. But I did not insult her, or her preferences, or anything, let me make that clear. Just wrote in detail of how her work affected me negatively. If it in itself were insulting, I apologise. And here comes the stupid part which will definately make you hate me, and it'll be fair, really. She always said she liked dark humor. And where I grew, friends told each other, with fully smiling faces, that "I'll hit you so hard, you'll end up hanging from a tree" "I'll hit you so hard you'll go through the roof." Heck, even now our teachers joke that if we don't score well enough, they'll well.....very graphically describe how they'll beat us. So I grew up knowing violence was a joke. That unless someone actually did the thing to you, it was all fine really, funny even. Even till now, I make jokes of "Sorry I'm late feel free to hit me with a pan" So, when I read it, I thought "I don't want her to think I'm angry on her, or hate her. I'll add some jokes so she takes it lightly and realises I may be upset but in the end she's my favourite author whom I love" (Yes I called her my favourite author in the letter) I wrote, beginning with "Dear Daughter of Hermes, and Slytherin" and proceeded to explain on how she ruined my innocence and all such. I did not use any curse words—to clarify. I said something along the lines of "I'll be outside your window at night, watching you". Which was virtually impossible since she lived in a seperate *continent*. "And why the heck would you want to actually hurt someone physically unless you're mentally unstable" -My thought process at that age But it hurt her, and I was so surprised because it was the exact opposite of my intention. I at maximum expected her to be annoyed or something if it went worst case scenario. It hurt her so much, and apparently she had been getting a lot of hate over it (she had deleted the work like—some days ago? I don't remember) and that I should unfollow her. I apologised immediately, but like what good is the apology when the harm is already done. I had already planned to delete my account anyways, so that's what I did. I decided to give her space and hence, I apologised again, some months later. Another stupid thing? I addressed her as sister. I thought it would placate her. I really thought of her as close to me, even though she was a stranger. Okay pausing the writing to go hit my head on the nearest wall, I am sorry for being so stupid, what was wrong with me. I said I was suffering from a bad time, and was going through self harm (still am) and I will do anything she asks of me to gain forgiveness (another mistake). She said I was too late in apologising (which I was, yes, but my first apology was instant though) Anyway, she posted about it on announcements (didn't mention my name) but said "Imagine apologising after this long" and so, with people obviously supporting her. It scared me, so I left in fear of being attacked. (Would've deserved it though) It....well.....4 years passed. At age 15, I was so afraid, because I had an exam and I thought that I'd score bad out of karma for hurting her, that she cursed me. I scored pretty well but anyways. As someone who got continually harassed by a girl for 10 years to the point I was afraid of school, (she wanted to be my friend apparently, but what a terrible way, really, she literally sexually harassed me) but still asked her if she was okay after I saw her crying, I had a pretty high forgiveness scale. I really thought she'd (author) would forgive me for apologising. But like. No. I am not owed any forgiveness and I am aware of it. It wasn't her fault or duty, really. Anyway, fast forward to age 17. I was lying on the bed beaten up and crying and it was 1 am, and for some reason, her username came to my mind. I don't know why. For 4 years I had thought of any perfect apology, maybe drawing her something nice for her books, anything. But decided not to bring back bad memories to her. And also, I was a coward afraid of facing her. But I guess being beaten up messes with your head. Personal trauma is no reason to hurt someone, I agree 100%. But I wrote her a final apology. This time, I didn't ask for forgiveness, took all the blame on myself. I didn't apologise for closure. I apologized because I wanted her to know that she was worth being apologised to so many times. I called my younger self stupid and wished I could smack her on the head. I poured my entire heart and soul into it. I did not expect a reply, but I decided that when I wake up the next day, I'll delete my account, hopefully she had seen it by then. Woke up to find myself blocked and honestly? Deserved it. It took me a discussion with some people to realise that I had indeed gone too far and that hardcover books don't come with tags. And that apologising so many times was basically harassment. Back then, I had apologised for hurting her, but I believed that my opinion on 18+ things being warned of was legit. Then began true guilt. I loathed myself, thought of myself as a monster. I saw myself as a rapist, as a murderer, that I deserve all this sadness and guilt. I really wanted to kill myself over it. Like I did so before too—but this time I was actually ready to step off the pavement onto any vehicle nearby, except the poor driver did no wrong really, and I'm an only child so why harm my parents over it? I really hated myself over it, still do actually. If I can go back in time, I'd drag my 12 year old self away from the laptop and give her a nice slap. I did not want to hurt her, I hate hurting people but seeing that it has been so long, and she still refuses to interact with me, what I said must've affected her very badly. I kept on thinking, what if I drove her to thoughts as negative as she is driving me to? Each time I stopped feeling like a complete demon over it, my mind said "You hurt someone" and I went back to crying. My own mother said that I looked like I came from a funeral, at times. Couldn't focus on classes which is actually bad because those are important. The worst part is, I can't completely remember what I wrote to her. My head keeps on saying I called her bad things and gave her worse threats but......I don't remember doing it and there were no chances if I see it logically. I literally stopped being happy. Forced myself to be, for my own and my families' sake, and I tried, yeah. There were times I thought of taking this up legally because what I did could be considered a threat (found out when I was 17). Give myself over to the police or something. But I still hate myself. So I decided to punish myself. (Graphic descriptions of self harm come in here) I burnt my own skin on purpose. Nothing too bad really, just thumb sized burns from a saucepan. Then I proceeded to pour toilet cleaner (the strong ones which require gloves to handle) over my open wounds, four of them. I'll be honest. I have a very high pain tolerance. But that thing hurt like hell. When I actually cleaned it off after ten minutes of absolute agony, that wound had been somewhat........cauterised? Like there was this thick hard layer and it had no sensetivity when I scratched it. And I pulled off those hard layers. Some of them were stuck to the skin, I had to use a blade to ease them off. Then pour on them again. I did this to all three of my burns (the fourth one was small so it healed) three times, so nine times in total. It has been a month and it still hasn't healed. These scars won't go away even with surgery. Permanent reminders. (Description ends here) I thought it to be like this: The incident hurt her? I'll hurt myself more than she could possibly ever get hurt. But that wouldn't undo her hurt. So I'll hurt myself even more. I have frankly forgotten of who I was two months ago. Of what I thought when my mind was empty. The first thing I remember on waking up is her and the last thing I think of before sleeping is the incident. Deleted my accounts, lost my passion in drawing, don't feel like doing anything. I just. I hate myself. I truly do. I wish I could die but I can't so I just need to survive forever with this. Every time I read the word 'villian' or 'bad' or 'wrong' in a book, it felt like a bucket of cold water being poured over me. I had been a victim myself, so knowing that I myself hurt someone — Its just........I always thought of myself as a good person. Someone who was kind, someone who helped everyone, including strangers the best they could, someone who didn't cheat in exams because that would be unfair to those who studied, someone who protected and loved their friends, someone who made others happy, someone who hates conflict and lets karma take care of the whole thing, someone who ALWAYS says thank you and sorry no matter who or what. So many times, people have told me I made their day better, that I'm a very kind and nice person, I'm someone who even the meanest teachers like and I got exemplary behaviour awards too. I always believed myself to be a good person. So knowing I did something this bad broke me. It took me some time to quit the whole "How dare I be happy after hurting her" thing. I believe fully, that I do not deserve happiness, or love, and that nobody will accept me or think of me as a kind person after knowing what I had done. I'd have deserved it though. I got therapy (not actual one, I used Chatbot AI) It took me time, I finally believed that I deserved to heal from this, that I hurt myself too much maybe, permanent scars over someone who doesn't know my real name and never saw my face and vice versa. Maybe........I don't deserve *this* much of punishment. Today, I went to youtube and saw a video on bullies apologising. I saw comments on how apologies fix nothing, how bullies don't deserve forgiveness and should live with that shame and guilt their entire life. That a thousand good deeds won't make up for that one bad deed. And I believe I do. I really do. Which is why I permanently scarred myself. So here is the question. Do I deserve it? To let go of this incident? Do I deserve to heal? Deserve love? Or should I keep goimg? Because I believe I should. That I truly am no better than a rapist or bully. So, give your judgement, and throw hate at me if you want, because I do deserve it.

Hi all!
I've got a 2005 Toyota RAV4 (215/70R16). I acquired this car from my parents a couple years ago, and I've been trying to keep up with maintenance now that the title was officially signed over to my name. (unimportant context) I had a problem with the driver-side, front wheel assembly in which the shock, spindle, and ball socket were dented, which caused the wheel alignment to pull right. This pretty much made my right tire bald. See the attached picture: https://imgur.com/a/ujG9A5k.
Now that I've got my issues with the assembly fixed, I want to replace the tires immediately so I don't throw away all the work and money I put into the car.
I currently have the Bridgestone Dueler H/L on my vehicle, and I drive in Chicago and Southern Illinois mostly. I'm going to opt with Costco because I appreciate the free installation, maintenance, and warranty - but I'm undecided on which tire to actually go with. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated. My four options, which are all all-season tires, are:
Michelin - Defender LTX M/S - $221.99 per tire, warranty 70k
BFGoodrich - Advantage Control - $151.99 per tire, warranty 75k
Bridgestone - Weatherpeak - $202.99 per tire, warranty 70k
Bridgestone - ECOPIA H/L 422 PLUS - $196.99 per tire, warranty 70k
I've checked tirerack reviews for each, but I'm still unsure on which one to go forward with. Michelin seems like the highest quality option, but a little out of price range given that it's a fairly old car. BFGoodrich seems too good to be true with that price. I would also buy an extra for the spare that hangs on the back of the Toyota - so 5 wheels in total. I'm truthfully just looking for something comparable to what I have now.
Thank you in advance for any advice that you can offer.

While it's all a little fresh (~1 month?), and I still obviously haven't completely gotten over it yet, I felt like coming online and asking for other opinions to either validate/justify my own or give me other ideas.
I am a fulltime engineer with an established career and that is definitely something I'm looking for in a partner, especially as costs continue to rise and I'm interested in having kids and providing them freedoms in the future as well. After moving to NYC for my job w. no local friends, and as a more introverted engineer, connections online are where I'll end up meeting most of my people. I'm not particularly interested in the dating apps (TindeBumble/Hinge) as it's bot/catfish ridden, you can never get a full idea of intentions in an easy manner when you're 1 of 1000 on there, they hide half the people you'd be interested in unless you pay premium, etc. So connection isn't something that comes easy to me, and I definitely will try to hold onto it when I have it and ride or die for my squad.
I had already "experienced" a long distance relationship in college when I was 21 and moved to Seattle for 3 months. Long story short there, I kind of ghosted my ex-girlfriend of that time as clearly I wasn't that interested in her and couldn't see her. Hoped that we could rekindle things when I came back but that relationship wasn't for me. So, I already kind of know that long distance relationships "don't work" for me -- I distance myself and don't get any "physical touch" or "in person quality time," but I willingly continued with this one (with OP girl) because I have nothing else going on for me and we were having a good time.
I met this girl by chance online in a video game that I play with my friends every night. We happened to enjoy playing the game together so we continued to talk for a week or 2, playing probably 6 or 7 days each week. We proceeded to exchange information and communicate off the game. She lives 5 states (10-12hr drive) away from me, has a car, lives with her parents (potential issue -- I'm likely not going to go there), and at the time was dropped out of college with no degree/career, but working a regular retail job -- so no real income either.
We continued communication and after 2 months or so, I decided fuck it, I'd like to try and meet in real life and either legitimatize what we have or figure out that it's not going to work out. I booked an airbnb in the city near her fully paid for and flew out to meet her. Sparing the details, we had a great time over the 4-5 days. I did not ask her to be my girlfriend at that time but was definitely interested in meeting her again. We continued to talk and I flew her out one more time to me in NYC where we spent a week and put a label on our relationship.
As time continued, there was no next plan to see each other despite obvious interest on both ends. Long story short, she was encouraged to go back to school -- and will later tell me that it was "for me" and not for herself, which I'm hoping she'll look back at in the future and see how silly that statement is ... but she "did it for me" so that I could be happy with her or w/e you want to call it. So she was going to school and working retail, and we would spend the rest of our hours late at night together on the video game. She was an amazing girlfriend, completely about me 110%. I never had any mistrust in her, she treated me as well as you could from 11 hours away, and we talked every single day. I don't have many things I'd complain about with her other than simply not being able to see her.
Again I found myself distancing, it really no longer felt special as the relationship continued strictly online. I cannot see my girlfriend and I can get the "same satisfaction" from playing with any person on the internet. I believe that I'm seeking companionship and this was quickly turning into more of a "friendship." So ~1 month ago (1 year since we started talking), after a week or 2 of thinking about it -- not talking to her about it, but asking other people -- I was pretty set on just ending the relationship. I was advised to potentially wait until the end of the semester, but I wasn't going to sit there and pretend like I didn't know what was going to come 30 days later. So that's what I did. I called her and basically ended the relationship. She let me have it as she was blindsided and was in love with me ... "you were my future ... I went back to school for you ..." etc.
The reason I'm having such a hard time getting over it (albeit, a short period of time has passed here) despite it being my decision is because she never wronged me in any way and we had a great connection/chemistry. So again, as mentioned above, as someone who doesn't connect well with others, doesn't trust others, and is rather analytical/negative -- it feels bad to throw away something that was good and still could have been. It's not like I have a betteother option here locally. I totally could have "played" her and tried to date locally until I found someone else that was better. But I felt like I made a "selfless" decision and "let her go."
I've had some other things happen during this time period, my parents got divorced 8 months ago randomly (I was blindsided), I'm looking for a new job, etc. I have since enrolled in therapy, I had my first session last week and we didn't get to discuss or go into this specific topic. Clearly I need to work on myself, and am committing to that as the next chapter of my life, but could I have worked on it with her?
I was at the point where I would have been willing to pay to fly her to me 1x each month just to see her ... again, since she can't afford it. While it was never really discussed further and her schedule isn't going to change as she needs to work to pay for school which she can't afford, I just don't see how I could legitimately see her enough times in person within the next 1000 days. That would put me at 30 years old. And while people will tell me that's not old, or whatever, for me I just don't see how I can wait until 30 just to see if it's going to work out. If she was local/closer to me and the situation was the same (no career, lived with parents, etc.) -- we'd still be dating or I'd have never jumped to breaking up with her. Wouldn't have considered it.
So maybe you'll read this and think -- "You're an idiot, you made the right decision, get over it." Or maybe you'll tell me "I threw away something good and could have communicated better, been more patient, ." Maybe I could have just told her: "I'm losing romantic interest (or w/e verbiage), can we change something up" whether that be a 1x a week "date night" where we eat on camera together and watch a show. I have no idea. Again, that doesn't solve being together in person, but throwing her away for nothing is eating me up a bit. Was there more for me to learn with this person and grow? Should we have continued to grow together and hope then if/when we do come together in person it's that much better?
As an engineer, it's tough to not know if the action you made was the right one, I'm having a hard time facing reality right now and looking for random unbiased opinions. So all in all, I want someone else to tell me if I made the right decision. Thanks.

Hi there,
Firstly, thanks for setting up this sub!
I have a question I’m hoping you might be able to advise on:
I am currently not registered for VAT as my revenues are below the mandatory registration threshold and voluntary registration doesn’t make sense as I am a service/consultancy business so have very little in the way of purchases to reclaim VAT on.
The challenge for me arises where I am providing quotations for prospective clients as I do not know if I will be VAT registered or not when carrying out the work and the delivery of work can take months if not a year. My quotes are naturally more competitive prior to VAT registration too.
My question was around tax points for VAT, is it the service delivery, invoicing point or customer payment point?
The reason I ask is that could I in theory agree with a customer that I would bill them up-front to help shield them from a price increase once I reach the registration threshold I.e. can the tax point be the receipt of money from the customer rather than point of service delivery?
Thanks in advance!

HELLO!
I'm currently on a 8GB capped $40 endless data plan with Skinny. It runs on endless reduced speeds after using up 8GB of max speeds. The reduced speeds for me are around 1.3MB download which doesn't support very much beyond web searching. I can't really watch videos on youtube, stream movies, or scroll through social media once I'm on reduced speeds because any video content takes ages to buffer. I can buy data binge packs for max speeds again if I know I'm going to need it but it doesn't support hotspotting and only lasts 12 hours max for $5. Not sure if thats entirely worth paying seeing as I'd probably need to use max speeds everyday. I ripped through the 8GB in about a week and that was without gaming for the first 4 days? I've had my hotspot on during the night this week because my parents have a new curfew on our broadband at about 10pm, not much I can do about that lol.
I realized 8GB isn't enough to last me a months worth of usage and was thinking about changing to another service provider that had unlimited uncapped data plans instead. Skinny's most expensive endless data plan still has a cap on it with $70/m for max speeds up to 80GB. Then it will reduce back to 1.3MB~ download. I'm not sure if thats enough to last me a month with extensive use like gaming and watching movies, I don't use data often so I actually have zero understanding of how much value you can get out of 80GB. Is that a lot? Would I need more? I don't know...
I'm almost looking for an unlimited uncapped data plan that gives out the same value as a broadband plan, not sure if thats silly. I paid for my family's fibre broadband at our old house for 2 years which was between $80-70/m switching between the two fastest plans skinny offered, so I can afford a more expensive data pack, I just need it to last as long as the month I'm paying for lol. I don't need huge download speeds like fibre broadband can provide. I can play online games smoothly with the max speeds skinny provides, I think I get like max 14MB on my phone, same on my laptop, and then 5MB on my playstation when hotspotting. I'm not worried about getting more than those speeds.
You might suggest I just get a separate broadband plan in the house, but we've moved to a rural area and our house isn't offered the same broadband plans as our old one. We don't have fibre or wireless broadband available in our area, just plain adsl/vdsl which didn't even work when we tried installing our modem (don't know why), so my parents and all my siblings pitch in for starlink now. It's just my parents choice to turn it off during the night and they say if we want we can buy our own data to use during the night.
Anyway, I've been looking at some other providers like Spark and One NZ that offer unlimited uncapped data plans. My main question is does anybody have any reviews on either of the plans these providers have? Whats it like for you if you use them? Is it worth it for you and why? I've read a couple reviews on One NZ's service that are reeeeally bad with people complaining about how fast they rip through their data plans and are reduced to super slow speeds within minutes of using their data, which is very suspicous. So I'm reluctant about switching to them. There aren't any specific reviews on either of the providers' UNcapped plans though, reviews I've seen are on capped plans only so I'm reaching out on this in hopes to find someone who already uses any of the plans im looking at and get their review and maybe advice.
The options I've been looking at are:
Skinny Endless Data Plan $70 ^{(Their most expensive plan}) - 80GB Data at max speeds incl. hotspotting - Endless Data at reduced speeds ^(1.3MB\)) incl. hotspotting - Unlimited Minutes and Texts
Spark Endless Plan $90/m ^{(Their most expensive plan}) - Unlimited data* (Fair use policy applies) - Unlimited NZ/AUS SMS* ^{(I don't care that much about this}) - Unlimited mins to any NZ/AUS mobiles and landlines ^{(don't care again}) - Free spotify premium ^{(This is nice cause I use spotify a lot, I'm already on a student discount though but still nice}) - Team Up eligible* ^{(don't know what this means tbh}) - Endless Hotspot* ^{(this is a MUST for me but there might be some secret terms that apply}) - Spark Voicemail App ^{(I think voice mail access is free, better than skinny, but I don't get a lot of voicemail so its not neccessary.})
Spark Endless Plan $70/m ^{(Second most expensive plan}) - 18GB data at max speed. Endless data at reduced speed. ^{(This is capped, is waaaay less than what skinny provides for $70 and I would probably rip though is within two weeks.}) - Unlimited SMS ^{blah blah} - Unlimited mins - Save $7 on spotify premium ^{(I'm already on student discount, don't need.}) - Team Up eligible* - Endless Hotspot* - Spark Voicemail
One NZ Plan Unlimited Max speed data $85/m ^{(Their most expensive plan}) - Unlimited max speed data - Endless calls and text - Add up to 3 Companion plans for $40/m per plan - 250mins & 50 TXTs ^(what?) - Hotspot included ^(yay) - Wifi Calling included ^(what?) - One NZ Rewards ^(ok) - 5G ready - Open term plan
And those are the options I've gravitated towards. Skinny, Spark and One NZ (used to be vodafone I think). It sounds like One NZ is the best price for uncapped data but again I'm suspicious from all the negative reviews about One NZ especially about customers not getting what they paid for. Even NZ herald and Stuff has made articles about them being the worst rated mobile service provider. Only way I can get over the suspicion is hearing from other people here and reddit is pretty honest and helpful when it comes to niche problems.
If anybody has experience with either of these providers and especially with the data plans listed, please let me know what its like for you so I can make an informed decision on what I should buy. Maybe you know of other plans that might be better, or are someone who has similar data usage (excessive gaming and streaming) and has worked out the best data plan for that kind of consumption.
Any reviews, advice or opinons welcome ❤
THANKS!

Tw: mention of abuse and a minor detail about it
Hello everyone, I just wanted to get a reality check on if I'm just too sensitive on this topic or if my MIL actually is acting pretty disrespectful. Me (28F) and my bf (30M) have been dating about four years now.
It seemed like she didn't really like me that much from the start, but I also have to say I probably seemed a bit weird at that time. Before I met my bf, I have been severely abused by my ex and I still had some anxiety issues by that time. But I've never been unfriendly or disrespectful towards her or something like that, I probably just still had that anxious aura if you happen to know what I mean. They don't know about this though and I've since worked on my anxiety issues in therapy, and it's going pretty well!
But after a few months into our relationship, she started to drop some - in my opinion - disrespectful stuff.
The first time it happened and I clearly remember, I had to get some surgery on my nose because my ex broke it and I only learned about it later, but then I had some complications and my face was sollen pretty badly for some months. Let's just say I didn't look my best to put it mildly. One time I visited his parents with my bf, she outright told me it wouldn't matter how I looked now because my bf loves me anyway, even though I never said anything about my looks and was just happy the pain was finally getting any better, so that just felt out of place to me.
I don't know any exact examples of other stuff she said about my looks or something else anymore, but sometimes I feel like she drops subtle hints on that she doesn't like the way I look like "why so you wear your hair short?" or stuff like that.
When we bring her gifts, she only ever thanks my bf and even says "thank you, my son!", hugging him and completely ignoring me. She loves decorations and on easter I gifted her an easter bunny I made from clay and it looked pretty good! Her comment on this was "what should I do with this?". Her husband seemed to really like it and joked that my work would get me into galleries soon. I don't want to overestimate my skill or anything, but I'm actually working in a gallery portfolio which they both know about. My MIL then just answered "why would it?".
It really bummed me out that she liked the figures from cheap gift shops we gave her more than what I made her. It also didn't look amateurish or something, and it was on topic and style to other decorations she has of course. My bf was also over the moon telling me she would love it and going on about how perfect it was for her for like a week.
Another thing is that she doesn't seem to understand that I am infertile and almost every time she visits, she tells me she wants more grandkids (they already have a lot of grandkids because they're a large family). When I told her about my condition the first time, she said she just didn't stop trying, even after having some miscarriages, so I didn't bring it up again after that when she asked about kids. I was honestly super baffled at her response though - while I feel incredibly sorry she had to make that experience, I also found that answer to be so unempathetic and misplaced!
She has chronic pain and some very bad health issues, so I always shut my mouth so far and never told her that I think her behaviour is pretty rude though, so that might be my own mistake. My bf kinda noticed the behaviour, but he always tells me it wasn't meant like that, that I am overreacting etc., but he offered me to talk to her. I don't know if that would even help though, wouldn't that make her like me even less? I also don't want her to get upset because it could actually hurt her healthwise. I thought maybe she just wasn't sure about me at the start because of my anxious behaviour like I said, but I feel like there's nothing I can do to make her like me anymore.
So I decided I won't try anymore and just not go when my bf visits them. But I don't know if I'm completely overreacting or if everyone in that situation would feel like this is a fruitless effort and this is actually the right decision. Thanks for reading!
Tldr; my MIL told me after a face surgery that it doesn't matter how I look now, asks for grandchildren all the time even though she knows I'm infertile and ignores me when we gift her stuff as a couple or when I gift her something on my own

My intentions were to join the Air Force Reserve, but due to my medical history, I feel like all hope maybe lost. From the ages fifteen and seventeen I was admitted to a mental facility due to saying I wanted to kill myself, which I did not both times I was admitted I was staying with an abusive parent and only said that to leave for my safety which is directly stated in my medical records. I do have self harm scars from my wrist down to my elbow, but I haven’t done anything to hurt myself in over two years. I know I cannot receive a guaranteed answer on if still trying to join is hopeless, but opinions and advice would be very welcomed. Thank you.

Hello,
I'm having very bad and scary dreams almost every night, so I wake up in the middle of the night a couple of times. Things are going okay for me so far(I really like my job and the LORD helped me do well on my exams and courses - praise the LORD), but my heart is restless most of the time because I often get so caught up with what's going to happen to me in the future, and I think Satan is attacking me and trying to bring me down by taking away peace in my heart. I woke up in the middle of the night a few days ago feeling very terrified from having a really scary dream(demons appeared in my dream and tried to kill me) and I couldn't breathe when I woke up. It took me a while to get my breath back and I told all of this to my parents and they were pretty shocked.. My parents and my family friends are praying for me as well, but can you pray for me as well? Thank you.

I just don't think I could ever do 40 hours a week or more. I have various anxiety disorders (General anxiety disorder, panic disorder, OCD) and depression. I've been coughing and twitching almost nonstop for around 8 or so years now due to nervous tics that I developed. I developed those tics after suffering from really bad anxiety for a prolonged period of time while also trying to go to college full time and work. I tried to tell my parents that I couldn't handle full time college while also working and dealing with my various mental health issues but they would not have it. I think what I had to go through during that time has basically permanently scarred me mentally, and left me in my current state.
All the constant twitching and coughing makes me feel exhausted almost all the time. If I'm not at work I'm usually laying in bed sleeping. Sleep is one of the only times I can escape the anxiety disorders and the nervous tics. My parents have told me for years to simply "stop coughing". I don't think they understand that I would stop if I could. Who coughs for 8 years on purpose? I've tried therapy and I'm currently taking medication. The medication is the only thing that allows me to leave the house at all, so that I may contribute to society in any way. I feel awful that I'm not able to work like a normal 25 year old male adult, but I just don't see myself being able to sustain working full time. A few months ago I wasn't working at all because my symptoms were so bad, but thanks to my medication it's allowed me to go from 0 hours a week to 16 to 20, which is a significant improvement. I still live with my parents, and while I'm not able to support myself, I do pay them a meager amount in rent every month (300 dollars) to be able to stay in a bedroom.
I'm not even sure why I'm writing this. I guess I just feel like I'm a moocher or what have you. I worry about what might happen when I get older, or even worse, what might happen if my parents up my rent or simply decide to kick me out. Hopefully that won't happen but I'm just not sure. It makes me worry

I just don't think I could ever do 40 hours a week or more. I have various anxiety disorders (General anxiety disorder, panic disorder, OCD) and depression. I've been coughing and twitching almost nonstop for around 8 or so years now due to nervous tics that I developed. I developed those tics after suffering from really bad anxiety for a prolonged period of time while also trying to go to college full time and work. I tried to tell my parents that I couldn't handle full time college while also working and dealing with my various mental health issues but they would not have it. I think what I had to go through during that time has basically permanently scarred me mentally, and left me in my current state.
All the constant twitching and coughing makes me feel exhausted almost all the time. If I'm not at work I'm usually laying in bed sleeping. Sleep is one of the only times I can escape the anxiety disorders and the nervous tics. My parents have told me for years to simply "stop coughing". I don't think they understand that I would stop if I could. Who coughs for 8 years on purpose? I've tried therapy and I'm currently taking medication. The medication is the only thing that allows me to leave the house at all, so that I may contribute to society in any way. I feel awful that I'm not able to work like a normal 25 year old male adult, but I just don't see myself being able to sustain working full time. A few months ago I wasn't working at all because my symptoms were so bad, but thanks to my medication it's allowed me to go from 0 hours a week to 16 to 20, which is a significant improvement. I still live with my parents, and while I'm not able to support myself, I do pay them a meager amount in rent every month (300 dollars) to be able to stay in a bedroom.
I'm not even sure why I'm writing this. I guess I just feel like I'm a moocher or what have you. I worry about what might happen when I get older, or even worse, what might happen if my parents up my rent or simply decide to kick me out. Hopefully that won't happen but I'm just not sure. It makes me worry

I moved to the USA as a child. My parents want me to get married in Pakistan, but I haven't been there since I was young. While I'm still connected to Pakistani culture, I'm not familiar with the country itself. Therefore, I'm unsure what to look for in a woman. In America, you can often infer a lot from a person's way of speaking, fashion style, or the city they live in. So, what should I consider before meeting someone in Pakistan?
Thanks.

Successor : u/Intel81994
Hi,
I first found this subreddit and Neville's works in 2018 so I thought I'd share my success/experiences.
I've never posted here, only lurked... daily. I often see people post tiny wins in here like manifesting a test result or a few hundred dollars. I don't see many huge wins except occasionally, or multi-year life changing creations.
Well, I'm not where I want to be bc my goals have gotten a lot bigger, but I've come a long way and finding this work in 2018 changed my life so I want to share with you how.
Not to discourage, but small wins are nothing compared to the deep life changes and incredible abundance you can create in knowing who you really are - just think - there are people out there, several, who own $10M+ houses, multi-millionaires, many came from nothing.
I'm not saying that's the only thing worth striving for or even the source of joy, of course. But my point is anything you want, someone else out there has done it, they are just humans like myself and you.
So here's how my life turned around since 2018 and what I created. The HOW I did so is no different than what you already read on this sub every day.
Neville has been my favorite teacher and this is the MAIN sub I have read over the last few years. I own all of his books and have read them several times.
I regard his methods as most influential for me. This may come off as some motivational story but truth is I use Neville's methods daily and always try to understand and control my beliefs to grow.
Here is how my life changed completely after DOING the work:

• MONEY/TRAVEL : I went from -50k in debt running my own online fitness coaching business at my lowest point not knowing how I would pay rent (long story but I was young and not skilled enough in business at this time to really build a team and 7 figure business like I wanted),

to acquiring amazing skills being an intrapreneur working in a small startup online with a terrific mentor (I manifested this exact position with SATS), traveled the world a crazy amount in the exact places I had wanted to and met a ton of cool people (SATS), over 27 countries now, and grew my net worth to over 250k from 2018-2021.
To my current goals, this is really nothing now and I now surround myself with people doing a ton more than me. So I'm not preaching here, it's just levels to the game right.
I now work professionally in the crypto industry, but also have skills and knowledge to a few types of online businesses in the consulting & marketing space, as well as make money from markets/trading, which is a great vehicle because there are effectively no limits.
I can live anywhere I want, have plenty of cushion and money to live mostly how I want (have larger goals now), have time freedom as well, and most of all, love growth and feel great striving for more. I did SATS to get my current gig.
I've also been trading the last 2 years and no it's not easy, in fact you're competing against algorithms and the best minds in the world so the learning curve is quite steep.
Trading is not easy money, but the potential is there. Besides, trading is just one vehicle, it's not value-additive to the market like businesses are, so I believe it's best used in conjunction with a business/job, and investing longer term is better.
Anyway I turned <40k into ~350K in crypto, and a separate stock portfolio last year.
And yes a lot of that crypto growth was market timing and luck with everything going on, monetary policy and all, and I know people who turned less into several million and also plenty who got liquidated and lost millions. I still spent a lot of time and skill to create that, point is I created all of it in various forms.

• FITNESS/HEALTH: I achieved a more fit and better body than 98% of men have. This was a result of hard work plus these methods and was in 2018 when I decided to undergo a bodybuilding prep for a photoshoot. Great size, leanness, abs, I had been lifting for years but never gotten this in shape.

It was not easy, but I looked incredible, and the exact city/water background scene I had visualized for the photos happened. You can scroll to my IG posts from early 2018 for pics proof.
My health is impeccable and I've for sure made other physical changes, and I think I somehow changed my gf's looks to become better over time too. She was always quite cute though. I'm still very much in shape but now do yoga daily for last few years, as well as lifting.

• LOCATION/LIVING: I manifested the EXACT view I used to visualize in the center of my major city, with a gorgeous view of the ocean and city both, for a great price and have lived here for last 3 years now. In a luxury high rise. I can see ships and yachts right outside my balcony every day. It's literally grander than I even knew to imagine just 5 years ago.
  
• MORE FINANCE: Over the last 2 years my investments and more were doing so well sometimes - not always - that I often was able to have some months making 20-40k, point is I was not worried about work.
  

I also believe parallel realities are real and I used to visualize Bitcoin going to 50k back in 2019 when it had stayed below <10k for 2 years. This was not all due to bitcoin, but rather all sorts of investments, but yes crypto as well.
Some was luck, some was skill and work. All was my creation. I also got quite decent at trading and managing a portfolio that I not only managed to publicly call the exact day of the market TOP in november 2021 but also sniped the bottom in July. Intuition plus knowledge.
So I kept this money, it is not bleeding out in my portfolio with the market. I've devoted a LOT into mastering this craft but again, self concept and Neville helped.
I got hacked for 60k-70k a few months back and chose to give it new meaning and manifested a career change to crypto industry, landing a position making over 10k per month (I'm not happy with this at my current standards of income, but I'm grateful), that I am growing to 20k per month of active income now with other streams.
What's interesting in my recent career manifestation is I decided I want a position that basically pays me to do what I already do (I was independently researching and managing a multi-6 figure crypto portfolio... over a quarter million dollars combined money that I was managing. )
I now get paid a full time 6 fig salary to do nothing extra from what I was already doing and barely work on the actual job with plenty of time for other stuff.
I just decided it was done and that's it. Also of course it's remote... knowing what I know, I will only consider remote jobs (never worked in a physical office and I've actually never had a w2 job before this, always doing sales and stuff or my own thing).
I have been working on increasing my standard to 25k per month minimum of active income generation. Had a lot of ideas come through. I’m just not the type to have a job I think but I have to figure out what I can build again.
Compared to who I want to be at a later date that’s also nothing much. Again, levels to the game.
Now also working on growing a business in this space. This hack event was pretty traumatic but I now see how I 100% manifested it. And I can choose to also create something far greater out of the event now.
With every job I've ever had, I've never worked in an office. I've only ever been remote or online because this is the only thing I was willing to accept. Being a digital nomad has been my norm since I graduated college.
Be specific in what you want and do not settle.
I went to a top 5 US public university and even manifested myself to lead a large pre-med club on campus (I was a pre med student) before I knew Neville. I'm now very glad I chose to go my own route instead of medicine for several reasons beyond scope of this post but anyway.

• SP: Manifested my SP (gf) back in 2018 and we have a great relationship going on 6 years now (together since 2016). I focus more on self love and feeling I AM God rather than seeking it externally. My consciousness and inner connection is my source of sustenance.
  
• Honestly there are so many other crazy little things I can't possibly keep track. Every day I have synchronicities like crazy still. I don't give them much meaning but just take it to mean that I am aligned.
  

My best mental model/tips

• Delude yourself into knowing that imagination is MORE real than the 3d. The 3d is 'old news.' Meaning it's a shadow world. The real creation is happening in your imagination, and there is a time lag in this physical world.

Live in your imagination and tune out anything that does not serve keeping you in an optimal state where you feel in control. The more you focus on things that are meant to distract you or displease you, which state do you create from?

• I do SATS during the day, works fine for me, I don't think it matters much if day/night, but you need to do it. Follow a guided hypnosis session to get deeper into trance first if it helps.
  
• Act and trust deeply that life is leading you to what you want, and the meaning you give to events is literally what molds your future. Choose empowering meanings. Stop being a victim.
  

Make a resolve to never think of yourself as a victim of forces out there, the economy, evil people, whatever it is. You want to control your reality then act like it internally.

• Make a daily routine checklist and stick to it so you internally feel in control of your reality. Mine is: SATS or revision, meditate or breathwork, EFT or writing, cold shower, no phone in the morning, wake at 6am, and of course I exercise daily in some form. I use a spreadsheet to make sure I hit my routines for the day so I don't be a victim but rather stay in control. This is critical for me.
  
• As long as you occupy the realms of consciousness that you want, the result WILL come via downloads and hunches and thoughts, and insane physical things will happen that will 'seem like it would have happened anyway' so don't worry about the how.
  

Random Musings
The thing with manifesting is we sometimes take a passive route and wait for things to happen to us (and sure this is fine and still works), but think- if you don't grow your mental, emotional, skills container to deal with large amounts of money, or a team, or skills to sell and market and manage money... if you suddenly get 500K or 1M, how are you going to hold on to it?
If you lack personal power and execution skills, say you suddenly win 5M from the lottery, do you have the skills to keep it and make decisions at a level that can fluctuate several millions? It's stressful and requires thinking completely differently.
You have to 'stress test' your consciousness and expand your container.
I know that because I got hacked (stolen) ~70k it means nothing because the version of me who makes multi-7 figures a year deals with fluctuations of multi-6 figures in his portfolio all the time, it's part of the game. and I HAVE dealt with 6 figure fluctuations in my portfolio before this hack so it wasn't super new in that sense.
You know time is not real, it's all happening now, Creation is already finished, so you should also know that the way to 'hack' time is making decisions from a place of the future version of yourself you already are.
Make a commitment to stop playing small and settling for crumbs. Why would you get hung up on the one limited way your ego thinks that abundance has to manifest in your life, or love, instead of just feeling the emotions themselves, knowing it's done, and letting your life color it in in grander ways than you could have imagined.
Funny little manifestations and things happen literally every day that I just take it as reflections of me being in my creative power.
Something crazy/funny that happened was on our last trip, I told my girlfriend 'hey, how funny and weird would it be to see a parrot meowing?' - then next day we sit at a cafe and there is a parrot in a cage outside, meowing loudly. The most bizarre manifestation, I didn't even intend for it, just asked hey would it not be funny. Things like this happen so often, I can't keep track.
There is nothing new to learn. Just do the techniques and do self care rituals and get lost in your work. Feel the feeling of utter abundance and freedom now and it will happen.
We live in an advanced economy with the internet, it has never been easier to start or fund a business compared to even 50 years ago (see interest rates), distribution has never been easier, so if you know these tools, why would you not create the biggest dream you can imagine? Why settle for a free $200?
I realize there are levels people go through however so I don't mean to belittle, but now that I have been through so much and grown, I know there is nothing separating myself from multi millions and VC's and creators of large companies except belief, work, and time in this reality.
I have the knowledge, belief, and skills to not need a job if I don't want one. I can instead offer something to the market and be independent.
I'm telling you this stuff works and is sustainable. You can be as specific as you want and get whatever you want, and trust that with the turns life takes you through, it is a BRIDGE meant to turn you into the person to get and sustain what you say you want. Decide it and it is so.
I am someone who is a first generation American immigrant, my parents moved to the US from India when I was 5 and we had very little here. I grew up 'lower' middle class, and didn't have the best money programming from parents, but I always did well in school.
I KNOW I am going to be the first multi millionaire in my family. It's all in how you think about yourself/self concept and the work you do from that mindset. Do actions and shift your environment in accordance with who you want to be.
I always splurge on self care now and do things like fly business class or pay more for a better room because that's who I internally am. Just find a way to produce more and let it flow instead of shrinking yourself to be someone you’re not in your 4D
I don't try to scrimp and penny pinch, I let money flow. Even though getting stolen 70k was traumatic, oh well, I chose to give it a better, empowering meaning and my reality shifted.
That's all I have to say. Do the work. Stop procrastinating with learning. All the teachers, scripture, it's all the same Truth at the core. Learning is fine because you learn different mental models at different points of your life but you need to do the work.
I've been fortunate to not only have explored TONS of teachers and books in this realm, you name it I've probably read it or have a copy, I've also HAD mentors and WORKED directly under multi millionaires older and more experienced than me who know this work very well and knew Neville specifically, and it's the real deal. I did sales for someone in the online coaching space was was very well off and had decades of success and spoke of Neville very often, it was really cool.
Proof of the Law
I don't know what more proof you need that the Law is real. All religions throughout eternity have known this, Neville just distilled the same Truth through his own methods that work really well in my opinion and I personally love his interpretation of scripture.
The most successful people in the world are usually consciously (and some unconsciously) doing these same actions. Just do the work and focus on it coming from a good place of knowing that it's done. You don't need to know HOW but you just need to know the plane is going to somehow land one day.
I just come back to Neville every time, because his methods are simple and philosophies work well for how I think. I've done tons of psychedelic mushrooms over the years which luckily made me very open to this sort of thinking, before that I was very rigid and too '3d scientific' minded in my thinking. Keep in mind there is actually nothing 'unscientific' about the Law... modern science has its own limitations in that we cannot measure many things.
What used to be called magic in years past is now under the realm of science right? I'm not saying I don't value logic and science... I have a science degree from a top 5 university.
I'm just saying your ego mind which wants to keep you stuck and surviving uses the excuse of logic and science when that's actually not the full scope of how reality works, we are incredibly limited in our conscious understanding of reality.... we don't even know what we're doing here on a floating rock in infinite space and we can hardly see much of the light spectrum as it is.
So remember that when your ego tries to believe in your limitations and the 3d reality only. You being here is magic that even the most advanced science does not know the answer to. Do scientists know fundamentally why there is something at all instead of nothing?
Anyway, one more thing is I've never been shy of making relatively bold and fast decisions, investing in a mentor (for business) and just generally betting on myself.
Because getting around people who think bigger than you and don't settle is a hack and it's worth every penny. There is a reason millionaires hang with other millionaires.
I'm not saying to cut people out of your life (unless toxic) but rather to seek proximity and get around winners or pay to join some mastermind in business or whatever you need to do to network in your realm.
Just last week I invested 7.5k for get into a network of high performing young male entrepreneurs just because I want a better network in real life and work on business tactics and execution. When I was 23 I invested 25k that I did not have at the time (I made it happen and earned it back) to get a business mentor. So I use all of this in combo with Neville's methods primarily. I really like revision method as well.
The act of DECISION literally creates a parallel reality and becomes the new bridge to your manifestation.

I guess you could say this is progress. I just heard about this group through a podcast I was listening to. I’ll give a little bit of backstory. I’m 28F and I just went NC with my Nmom. My mom has had a substance abuse issue my entire life, and she has been my only parent. So I’ve been very reluctant to cut her off. However, she has recently been diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder, so any time I call out her negative behavior, I’m attacking her for being sick.
Anyway. She showed up to my children’s tball game slurring, eyes rolling back in her head, hanging all over people like a teenager. It was apparent she was under the influence. My children’s other parents even noticed. (I have two older children that me & my husband had from prior relationships)
So that was kinda like the straw that broke my back. I asked her not to show up to anymore games and she called my EX HUSBAND, told him that she will not be kept from my daughter, (none of my other kids) (because the golden child runs on into grandchildren, in case you didn’t know) and she came anyways. So I filed a PFA. Before the PFA was approved, she called my ex husband and invited his family out on her boat. And offered him tickets to a Braves game, if he would go behind my back and let her see/talk to my daughter. She also called my mother in law and told her to thank the Lord she never had a daughter and proceeded to tell her that she didn’t know if I was struggling with postpartum, or what, but she’s come to the conclusion that I’m just a miserable person. I cannot even make this up I wish it was a joke. Then after she found out about the PFA she texted him: “Something very very bad must have happened to her. I don’t know what, but it’s bad. She is very unwell and I will never stop fighting until she’s better again.”
Anyway I had to come here and vent about this. There are so many more details, but it would be the world’s longest post. I really need some validation that I’m doing the right thing. I’ve never called her out to this degree, and I am sure that’s why she thinks I’m unwell.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/BedNormals, account suspended
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH for not helping my ex wife who cheated on me?
Trigger Warnings: infidelity, psychological abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation
Original Post (rareddit): May 9, 2024
My ex wife (32F) and I (33M) finalized our divorce last year, and she had already moved in with her affair partner. We were married for 5 years and together for 10, and it hurt a lot.
Over the past year, it’s pretty clear that my ex wife’s new boyfriend has been psychologically and emotionally abusing her. It honestly makes me want to beat up the dude, and my ex wife’s mental health has completely tanked.
My ex wife has called me a few times over the last couple of months and it’s obvious she’s struggling. I’ve asked her multiple times to just cut it off with him and pack up her bags and move in with her parents, but she doesn’t want to because she feels isolated from her parents after our divorce. She is also a SAHM to her boyfriend's daughter, and so she feels even more trapped.
She asked me if I could pick her up and if she could stay with me for a while. I am not scared of that dude whatsoever, and if I wanted to, I could just drive over to their house and pick her up right now. But I told her I won’t do that, and she has to get the courage to just step out and go to her parents, or just ask her friends for help.
My ex wife is obviously struggling really bad, but I’m also not a humanitarian, there’s a lot of people in this world who are suffering. I’m not a superman who can save everyone, and I have to pick my own battles for my mental sanity.
AITAH for not helping my ex wife escape from her abusive boyfriend?
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Comments
Least-Weather8703: Buddy, it's time to cut ties with your ex-wife permanently. She made her choices, and it's not your responsibility to save her from the consequences. Focus on your own well-being and let her figure things out on her own.
Pineapple-85: NTA - You need to cut contact. She is trying to drag you into a hot ass mess. It is not your job to fix her mistakes. Sadly, she made her bed, and now she needs to lay in it.
It is disrespectful as hell that she reaches out to you to complain about the life she left you for. She literally could not care less about your feelings.
If you feel you need to. Reach out to her parents. Let them know your concerns and that you do not plan on getting involved. And plan on not having contact with her any longer so they may want to check up on her.
Edit: Is it his responsibility to reach out to her parents? No but it isnt about responsibility.
It is about him being ablen to walk away with a clearer conscience. It gives him the peace of mind that she may not be fully alone and someone outside of him is aware of the situation. Because he obviously still cares. It is about alleviating the guilt he seems to be feeling for not picking her up.
OP posted an update blocked her but chose to not get involved further which is also ok. He needed to do what was best for him.
 
Update: AITAH for not helping my ex wife who cheated on me? (rareddit): May 9, 2024 (11 hours later)
Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/AITAH/comments/1cnozrb
Thanks for the advice.
I called my ex wife this morning before leaving for work, and told her I was going to cut off all contact with her after the call and block her number. I again told her to please just get out her relationship and just go home to her parents, yes she feels isolated from her parents, but they are her parents after all, and they will accept her in. She was crying really bad, but I told her there isn’t much I can do anymore. I then hung up the call and blocked her.
I think cutting off all contact with her is necessary to protect my mental sanity. I am not going to contact her parents, I am just going to remove myself from this situation entirely. Yes, I am really worried for her, but I can’t help or save everyone in the world, I wished I could, but I can’t. I need to look after myself and move on with my life.
Comment
nylonvest: Good choice.
If you ever feel guilty, remind yourself that you already helped her a lot more than she deserved, just by being a sympathetic ear. She really had no right to ask for your sympathy over choices she made that caused you so much pain in the first place.
&nsbp;

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA29329323
Me 25M grew up with parents 48F and 52M who had an open marriage it sort of messed me up and my parents wants to know why I had not spoken to them in almost four years.
Originally posted to relationship_advice
Previous BoRU posted by u/-bonita_applebum**
TRIGGER WARNING: depression, child neglect, mentions of bullying
While this was posted before, it has never been posted with the final update
Original Post July 31, 2021
I found out when I was around 12 that my parents liked to play around if you can call it that I did not get until I was around 14 what that really meant.
Anyways I kept my mouth shut and focused on myself and moved out when I was 18 and we have barely spoken since.
I ended up becoming very insecure I struggeled when it came to dating and girls and was alone for most of my teens, mom and dad was this perfect couple that was well liked by everyone.
All I can remember is how alone I felt during that time and was too afraid to speak to my parents about how I had it, they were always smiling and seemed to have the perfect marriage while they saw other people while I felt alone and miserable.
They used to go on weekend trips and was alone for many weekends and they rarely brought me along for vacations and I ended up being on my own when they did as well.
I struggle with depression and started seeing a therapist and are on antidepresseants right now, I just felt like I did not matter to my parents at all and see no real reason for why I should talk to them now.
I have not celebrated christmas with them or not been at home since I was 19 because I honestly have nothing but bad memories from living with them I just felt like I was in the way.
Not sure what I should do here my emotions are all over the place I don't think they know I struggle with depression.
Update Aug 4, 2021
I tried posting this earlier but yeah some other things have also happened so wanted to add that as well.
I dedided to write a letter but ended with me using that letter as reference to what I wanted to say to them instead.
I wrote the letter and actually just planned to drop in in their mailbox and just let them read it.
But honestly after so many years I needed to have the conversation with them so I did.
​
So I went home and surprise surprise dad and mom had a friend over, the woman who I ran into a few days ago let's call her Claire.
They were just sitting in the living room just talking I asked Claire politely to leave because I need to speak to my parents she said sure and she left, my parents understood I had something discuss and they did not argue.
​
Apperantly they were talking about me and Claire actually came over because she was worried about me after I basiclly ignored her the other day when I ran into her.
​
I sat down with my parents had the letter I had written and they understood I had a lot to say.
​
The whole thing was weird I sounded like a prosecutor trying to convince a jury of all my parents wrongdoings, it ended up being 40 minute indictment of my parents.
​
I went through all of it how alone I felt, me struggeling with depression, me seeing a therapist, on anti depresseants, me feeling since I was 11 that was always in the way, that I never mattered to them and that other people were always more important.
​
How Claire who was 25 the same age I am now when she started hanging around with you actually gave more of a damn than you did.
How you (dad) yelled at me when I messed up the settings on the dishwasher while you were away, I was 11 and did not know how it worked and that I offered to wash them by hand which I did.
​
I was bullied in school and was socially ackward, had no friends and was always alone both at school and at home.
​
I was 11 and had to deal with being alone on the weekends even christmas was weird and ackward I remember seeing families light christmas trees in our street seeing parents and their kids.
But you guys went to your christmas get togethers and only on christmas day were you home and I honestly felt alone then as well.
​
I have no such memories or felt any belonging whatsoever and now you keep asking me why I have barely spoken to you for four years ?
​
I don't know you and you never bothered to get to know me, other people were always more important.
​
When I found out and understood what you guys were into, I was even more mad why was that more important than me ??
​
How is it fair that you are happy and I am alone and miserable, it's not fair because you did this to me.
​
I have spent my childhood alone, my teens alone and now my twenties alone so far I never had a girlfriend because I struggle to trust people and have no idea how to get close to people.
​
You shared a picture of me on FB one of the few of us together from when I was a kid, saw Claire and your other GF comment on it how cute I was and what a great family we were.
Notice anything on those pictures ? I never smiled.
​
Why did you even have me to begin with clearly I was just a prop for you to show off to let others know what great parents you were, your FB profiles makes me sick to honest.
​
Dad wanted to say something and mom just looked stunned and she had tears, I just got up and left and that was that.
​
I never yelled or called them any names I was surprisingly calm I honestly felt numb walking out but also a lot lighter.
I left my sparekey to their place and just walked back to my place.
Mom has been texting and tried callin me I think they are both struggeling on what to say to me, I just demanded they remove the pictures of me from their FB which they did.
They do not get to pretend to the world like they were great parents anymore I refuse to be a prop.
So that's the update still gonna continue with my therapists or may need to find a new one.

NEW UPDATE

Update 2 - rareddit Oct 11, 2021
Just wanted to give an update and thank you for all the comments, I decided to switch therapists and the new one is better than my old one.
Still dealing with anxiety and feel very lonely sometimes, but trying to get through the day.
Had a long talk with mom who actually decided to stop by my place, she and I talked for almost three hours.
I decided not to berate her and instead just being honest and explain how my life has been and how I am dealing with a bunch of things.
It was as honest as it could get with me basiclly just sharing how I was doing, mom did not realize how bad it was and she just gave me a hug I don't know why but that helped, she was not sure what to say about everything and I don't really blame her.
She said come home for awhile especially at christmas you don't have to sit in your apartment alone, told her I would think about it.
Mom looks like she finally realized that I had been in pain for quite some time and her recognizing that is I guess what I really wanted like she finally got it.
So yeah progress I guess still not sure what the future holds, still feel very apathethic and my anxiety can get the best of me sometimes and have had days I feel very low like nothing matters anymore.
But I guess it's a step in the right direction
​THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA999333
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
I(29F) made my step-father(50M) an outsider at my wedding that he paid for. I need to make it up to him but I dont know how.
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: child abandonment, emotional manipulation, possible exploitation
Original Post: May 6, 2024
I ruined the memory of the best day of my life because I was too blind to see what I was doing was hurting one of the most important people in my life. I got married 2 months ago to the love of my life, and he finally opened my eyes to what I did. He showed me the perspective I didnt understand.
When I was 5 my father left us. Just disappeared without trace. He and my mom were already separated by that point, but he was still living with us. 3 years later my mom started dating Rob. He was quite a bit younger than she was, I belive she was 34 and he was 26. Today he is very wealthy (he wasnt when he met my mom) and he treats my mother like a queen. Whenever she is around him she looks like the happiest person in the world. My younger sister looks a lot like me and mom, but her personality is for sure a reflexion of her dad, always telling jokes and being just a nice person all around while me and my mom are more serious and cold.
As I got older, Rob became more present in my life he got married to my mom and she got pregnant. But it was still pretty weird seeing him as a father figure mostly because people would asume he was my brother all the time. When I was in HS, I was dating this boy, and he broke up with me at my friends house. My mom was on a night shift and I had to ask Rob to pick me up. When he did, he conforted me, took me to get ice cream, and when we got home he told me something like this (without knowing what happened) "whoever made you sad doesnt understand that you are the best girl in the world, and its their loss. Dont beat yourself up because other people are too stupid to see it"
I just said to him "I wish you were my dad". He smiled and said that he wished that too, and he could be if I wanted to. We left it at that. I never called him dad. But from that point foward I saw him as a father and I think he knows it.
I finally reconected to my biological father about an year ago. It happened because I got engaged. When I came to my mom's house one day, he was there and I couldnt even recongnise him. He was way thiner than he was when I was a kid. He struggled for years with depression and substance abuse. My mom and Rob actually helped him get clean and they even paid for his stay at a great reabilitation center. They decided together that it was time for me to finally meet him again.
I dont want to explore much on how this was, but all I have to say is that im glad to have him back in my life and im glad for being able to help him heal. He sufered a lot, he got lost. But now he is at least trying.
Rob and my mother payed for everything at my wedding, and everything was amaizing. The church was beautiful, my husband looked amaizing. The one mistake I made: I chose my biological father over Rob. I chose the man that did abandon me for over 20 years over the one the took me as his own and gave me everything he could when he didnt have to. I chose the man that broke my mothers heart over the one that saved her. I dont know why I did what I did. Looking back on it I feel so fucking stupid. My dad didnt deserve to walk me down the aisle. My dad dint deserve to be in all the pictures with my mom and my husbands parents. It should have been Rob.
I dont know, I think I was compensating for the time lost with my dad. Everything was still so fresh with him. I was helping him out, he talked to me everyday, I felt like he deserved to be back in my life.
When we were deciding who would give speeches, we had to cut some because it was just too many and me and my husband didnt really like the idea of hearing speeches for and hour and a half. So we decided for 5 people each. When I gave the list to my husband he even asked "no Rob?" And I said "yeah, my mom is already doing one". The others I chose were 2 of my bridesmaids, my mom, my sister (she really pushed for it) and, again, my dad. My husband said I should reconsider, He even thought of giving up one of his to put Rob in. I said it was fine, he didnt need to do that. My whole thinking when doing this was that Rob has my sister. He will have his moment. This was the only chance my dad had.
But I went too far. I completly cut him out of the party basically. If you look at the photos it doesnt even look like he went. My mom looks like she is faking a smile in half the pictures. I dont have a single picture with him. He only apears in group pictures, and some with my husband.
I only realised all of this when I texted Rob 2 days ago, asking him about a gift im giving my husbands for his birthday. He anwsered. Then asked about my car that is with a mecanic friend of his. He awnsered. Then I asked him something about my insurance. He did not anwser. A little over an hour later my mom called me. She just said "do you have no shame? Do you not understand what you did?" I just listend and she told me not to talk to Rob for now. I was just so fucking confused. I got home and told my husband and he just said that he knows what she is referencing but he will talk to her first.
Later, he showed me the wedding photos, he went step by step on everything I have listed here. He talked calmly, and broke it down for me. By the end I was crying so much that I had a headache. What an inconsiderate idiot I am. He told me that he and my mom didnt tell me anything before the party because Rob asked them not to. He understood that it was important for me for my father to be a big part of this day and when they protested he said that they should not make me worry about these small things.
I dont know what changed from before the party to now. My mom only tells me that he needs a bit of time and that he will talk to me soon. My husband keeps telling me that I made a mistake but Rob will be understanding and will forgive me. And I know that he will. He 100% has already forgiven me. He probably felt something when I was texting him that day that broke him down. I dont know what I said to trigger him at that moment, but also it doesnt really matter. I did the real damage at the party probably since he apeared to be fine with everything else before it (It was not fine by any means)
I have to make it up to him. I dont know how but I just do. I guess im just writing this here because im a little lost. Im too ashamed to talk about it with anyone else I know apart from my mom and husband. She doesnt tell me anything and my husband keeps insiting that everything will be fine and for me not to worry too much about it. And he is probably right but I feel like me not worrying about this is just being incosiderate to Rob again. I have to worry. I just dont know what to do.
Im now at work, and the only thing I can think about is this. Nothing else matters to me right now.
If someone has any kind of idea of how I can make it up to him I would greatly appreciate it.
Edit: Literally 40 minutes after I uploaded this, my mom texted me saying that Rob wants to speak to me tonight.
Relevant Comments
OOP on the situation of her insurance and Rob

OOP: Actually, Rob does not pay for my insurance. He only helped me set it up. And this is not about money at all, I make more than enough money and my husband is also very well off. Rob and my mom paid for the wedding because they wanted to. They told me it would be their gift for me and they gave me the money to use it on the wedding. My husbands family gave us a sum to help pay for our new house.
But your comment made me realise that this might be the problem, he might think im using him for money. That just breaks my heart. I do not want his money. I would happly take myself out of the my mom's will and his (if he has me in it, which he probably does), if it means I can fix this.
Also, he was not rich at all when he met my mom. He became successful after their marriage. Just to clarify.

OOP on why she didn’t plan the wedding photos ahead of time

OOP: My plan was that I wanted spontanious pictures and the photographer had to be changed last minute. In my head it worked out fine, what I wanted was to have the "important" pictures taken early, bridesmades, groomsman and family and later on have just spontanious pictures.
It was something I was too stuck on, this notion of "wasting time" doing pictures, speaches, etc.
But that was such dumb thinking. Thats what wedding are for.
At the end of the day though, everything went great apart from this disastrous oversight of mine.

Top Comments
RevolutionaryHat8988: I want to hug Rob. We all need a Rob in our lives.
Deleted Commenter: You’re almost 30 and needed all of this pointed out to you?
You made multiple conscious choices to exclude Rob from your wedding and only cared after you brought up an issue with your insurance: another thing he helped to pay for.
At your age you should know that choices have consequences.
I’m not sure there is anything you can do to make up for the choices you made.
 
Update May 9, 2024
First, I want to say some things before posting:

1. No, I am not Linda, my biological father isnt dying. Got a DM in here asking.
   
2. My sister is mostly just sad, not really mad at me. Just said she understood my situation but it still was really shitty seeing her father taken for granted and sad.
   
3. My mother is the person most pissed off at me at the moment. She is the only one that still does not talk to me. I mean she does, but not really.
   
4. For the people saying my husband and mother were idiots for not talking to me before: they agree and have told me this. My husband specially. Im not trying to shift blame here, just saying this for the people that talked about it
   

I was not going to post anything else on here. Not a fan of being called names and for people to keep saying that Rob should leave our family. Although Im well aware that I deserve most of everything that was said about me. The coments saying "the apple doesnt fall far from the tree" in regaards to me and my biological father were the ones that hurt the most as it is a fear of mine and the reason I dont drink much and dont use any drugs or anything that could be addictive. But seing how there are other things that could make us more similar than I realised is really frightening.
The day I posted here, my mom told me Rob wanted to speak to me and to go to their home after work. I went and waited for Rob to arrive. When he did my mom left us alone and he started off by saying that he was hurt by what I did at the wedding, that he knows he is not my father and that he would never try to force that on me, but that he at least thought he had some sort of importance in my life and seeing me just not give him any importance apart from talking to him when I need help with something made him realise that I do not view him the he thought I did.
At this point I was already crying so much that I couldnt even talk. I waited for him to finish and when he did I just told basically what you all saw in the post. That I fucked up bad, that I was incosiderate, that he is one of the most importante people in my life and that what I did was unforgivable.
The only reason I am posting it here is because of something during the conversation. He said something about my time at college and I went "but that was because..." and stoped. He asked me "what? because of what" I just said "nothing, you are right, that was my fault and I should have done better".
He was pretty angry at that point and he started to smile and we talked about me taking responsibility for my actions. Its something I am terrible at, it was an issue at my old job and since then I have been trying to be better at it but not very successfuly. He asked what changed and I told him about the post. Multiple people in the comments said that I dont take responsibility and yes, they read right through me. I showed it to him and reading the post calmed him down.
And no, he did not read the comments, just the ones I showed it to him, I would not let him see what some of you were saying about my mom.
So yes, he told me if I was going to say something else to thank you people for calling me out for not taking responsibility.
We talked about a lot of other things not related to the wedding. At the end I just told him that there were 2 things I wanted to say for him to take away from this conversation: I really did mean it when I was in HS and said that I wished he was my dad. Even now, with my biological dad in my life. I still feel that way. And the second thing is that I know that it will be hard for him to belive it right now because of what happened, but I will try to prove it to him for as long as it takes.
For those interested, I`ve been going to a therapist with my biological father once every 2 weeks since he came back, but I think I need one for myself so I will try to make it happen soon.
I want to thank 3 particular commenters that helped me.

1. The person that told me to take it slow with Rob and dmed me to stop looking at the thread cause I was spiraling.
   
2. The one that said: "People fuck up. Sometimes badly. But in a loving and caring family it's never the end of things as long as you are willing to own your mistakes."
   
3. And most importantly the best comment that was fair and gave me the right advice: "You are a spoilt, selfish, childish person. I don’t know that rob will forgive you but you can’t simply wait to see if he does. Write him a letter in which you fully own up to your awful behaviour. Do not say “I wish someone had stopped me” - that isn’t taking accountability for the way you treat people. With him and your mom paying for your wedding and your in laws paying for your house - you need to grow up and reflect very seriously on how you interact with everyone around you."
   

I guess the post served as the letter in the scenario, thank you, that was the slap in the face I needed to realise that I need to do a lot of work to improve myself and that the wedding was not its own thing, it was a reflection of who I am right now and I dont like what I see when I look in the mirror. Also, Rob more or less told me something similar, just not as a agressive, so this comment made me take his words as not him atacking me, but trying to help me understand my flaws.
Im not sure how I will make up for this. Rob is telling me that over time, just me being how I was before my biological father showed up will be enough for him. I dont doubt him but its not enough for me. I will live with what I did for the rest of my life. I will always remember.
The way I am now I actually need people to call me out for this kinds of things and its not fair to them. I will work on it, I have to. I will try my hardest to not ever hurt anyone I love this way again. Thankfully now I have someone in my husband to help me do that and call me out if needed. Thank you.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I (21F) decided to drop out of university a couple of months ago after my third attempt at a degree. Bluntly, I just don’t think the way it works is for me. I’m ADHD/ASD Level 1 and, partially as a result of that, I’m an extremely literal person and I learn through examples of a concept or way of thinking in practice. I had to spend hours and hours of my time a week seeking out examples of every single topic I learnt in a class (say, I was in a class about political theory when I was trying out political science and they mentioned historical relativism, I then had to spend hours searching for examples of historical relativism to understand it). I also struggle a lot with hyper focus and there’d be days where I’d just read without food or even more than one or two bathroom breaks from 8am in the morning to 8pm at night. As you can imagine, I got super burnt out and I’d crash and burn and end up majorly depressed within a year, but then a few months later I’d convince myself that it was just because I didn’t like the material and try again. Thankfully, I finally picked up on the cycle and I walked away for good. Maybe I’ll try again in my mid or late 20s, but, right now, I’m done.
I still live with my parents and, when I told them I dropped out of uni full-stop, they just said: “It’s absolutely fine that you’re not in uni for now, but you need to get a full-time job ASAP if you want to continue living here” and I jumped right on it. My dad works in hospital administration and his manager told him to tell me to send my resume to HR there and they’ll maybe hook me up with something. Within a week, I got an interview with one department that I thought went solidly despite my utter lack of experience in hospitals or even in administration (my only work experience before has been nannying and working in OSHC/tutoring centres casually). The department head called me about a week later saying I wasn’t successful for that particular position but they really liked “my personality” and all my references were great and they were passing my resume onto other department heads.
A couple of weeks later, I got a call from an administration manager that oversaw the hospital’s Brain Injury Rehabilitation Unit and she wanted me to come in and “meet everyone”. I thought this just was code for another interview so I got super prepped and came in ready to be grilled. As it turns out, the manager just met me in the building that all the heads and managers work out of it and took me to the unit. I met the head nurse and her and the manager just sat me down and told me all about the unit, warned me about some of the challenges (ward accepts children and seeing brain-damaged children come who have to stay there on their own for an extended period doing rehab with little understanding of what’s going on is, of course, distressing + majority of patients in the ward are young men who sometimes get argumentative and aggressive), assured me that I’d do several weeks worth of training so that I’d feel adequately prepared, allowed me to ask questions and gave me a tour of the entire unit afterwards. In the end, the head nurse said: “Looking forward to seeing on the 27th!” as she said goodbye. I was totally flabbergasted because it wasn’t even an interview - just a good, informative chat.
The admin manager told me as she was seeing me off that I didn’t have to accept the position if I didn’t want it, but I “have the job” and to please let her know within a couple of days what I decided. I have my reservations about how I’ll handle it (I’ve worked with disabled children in tutoring/OSHC but this is a lot different) but I really want to give it a try + I kind of need a job so I called her the next day saying I’d love to take up the position. I’m still kind of in shock. As I said in the title, I basically got offered this job on a silver platter and I’m in absolute disbelief about how this has all happened and how I just suddenly got a job on a random Tuesday. Like wtf?
I got sent some paperwork yesterday about the job and the minimum pay is $2820 a fortnight which is utterly INSANE. No, I’m not going to be rich, but, as someone who’s always worked casually around school and never earned over $700 a fortnight, I still can’t fathom that amount of money. Even after I take out tax, mandatory HECS (student loan system in Australia) repayments and the amount of rent my parents are charging, I’m still pocketing $1800 a fortnight. I can’t even believe it. I didn’t think it was possible for 21-year-olds without a degree to earn that much. I don’t even want to tell anyone around me because I’m afraid it’s some mistake.
I won’t lie. There are some cons. The job is from 7:30 to 3:30 M-F and, because of how far I live from the hospital and the fact that I can’t drive for medical reasons, I’ll have to get up before 5:30 in the morning. The admin manager also mentioned to me that the unit doesn’t really ‘do’ overtime and if I clock out after my scheduled finish time, a record of that time is kept and I can eventually apply for an extra leave day with it. Furthermore, as I mentioned above, there’s elements of the job I have mixed feelings about. I have a lot of trouble comforting people, so if a distressed patient or family member approaches me (which, in a brain injury unit, is probably going to be common), I’m not really sure what else to say other than: “Oh… Oh.. I’m sorry… That really sucks… Oh… Oh…” Nevertheless, both of those pitfalls still don’t seem to justify the 72k a year to me… It’s not like I’m literally taking care of these patients, I’m just talking to people coming in and answering emails and phones.
I’m super scared that there’s something that’s being hidden from me and that’s why they were so eager to get me, an inexperienced 21 year old, into the position. I tried to ask my mum the other day: “What if they’re just saying that the patients are ‘argumentative’, but in reality they throw chairs and spit at the admin or you’ll have to pull 11 hour shifts on the regular with no proper overtime or they’ll just leave me in charge of an entire ward and that’s why they’re so desperate to find someone?” My mum told me that I was being ridiculous and I’m “underselling myself” and she’s sure it will be fine… but I’m not 100% certain. I’m sure there has to be at least some level of transparency and professionalism because it’s a public hospital and it’s fully accountable to the government (the Australian health system is reassuring sometimes!), but there’s nothing strictly stopping them from straight up lying about what I’m in for when I start this job.
I really want an objective perspective on this because everyone I’ve personally tried talking about this to has brushed me off and said they’re sure I’ll be great… But I don’t ask if they think I’ll be great, I’m asking if they think this job is straight up too good to be true and they’re just dancing around the question. Randoms, what do you think?

This could as well be a controversial opinion but I've been thinking a bit about it since last week's (?) post warning kids without East Asian ancestry not to be delulu about debuting in a kpop group. Why is there such a lack of non-East-Asian-mixed western k-pop idols?
The reason why I find it weird is that Japanese and Chinese idols are very commonplace in k-pop by now. SuJu-M Han Geng was said to be the first Chinese k-pop idol in 2005. On the other hand there were some nugu Japanese idols in 1st gen but since 2nd gen they're not that infrequent and now more common than ever. Mixed east asian american/canadian/australian have been usual for a while as well. Some of these have achieved huge commercial success. And not just concerts but companies have held auditions in foreign countries (even here in Brazil IIRC Pledis and SME did it in the early 2010s) which anyone can join for a while.
While Hallyu took a while to reach the West ... if you think about it, Gangnam Style was 12 years ago, so a kid who's 14 now may have grown up listening to it and BTS and such don't even have to be a koreaboo's kid lol. And I mean this as someone in a western country who's known kpop for like 20 years now (thanks BoA and Pump It Up lol) and could 100% have by now a teen that grew up with Korean music and drama, culture and speak the language. In other words - some trainee-aged western/middle eastern kids nowadays probably have a "good" understanding of Korean culture (or as good as an average native Japanese or Chinese kid) and interest and are talented enough to debut so ... what's keeping companies from hiring them?
Doubt it's language-related issues (ie how to make a contract or contact the parents in English) . If the auditions are any way to gauge doubt it's a lack of interest as well. And Korean youtube channels often have a lot of western models and indie musicians who are living in Korea and some of those moved in as a kid with their family etc so I doubt it's a beauty standard or prejudice issue as well. It's seriously not a lack of talent or anything like that.
It would hardly be more difficult than debuting an idol from say Taiwan who risks getting the group cancelled in China for calling themselves "taiwanese" (cough) or even a Chinese idol who can't do some concepts not to speculate but my ult is Chinese and I think a lot how he doesn't even know the choreo to the homoerotic song
Which leaves us with legal, cultural and aesthetic issues - cultural because the work ethics are something else and the trainee life is not easy which may be related to the legal issues and taking into account they had issues with a lot of foreign idols in general they might not want to risk further. Or, let's be honest, because for some reason it's important to look half-East Asian at least. It just got me thinking. Any thoughts ? ~
Edit: forgot to mention this one but I remember they tried to do this some years ago with that Popsicle group. I remember some dumb kids were annoying about it, but generally it was a fun song and made it seem like by 2024 we would have one or two non-ethnically-Asian idols debuting but nah. Maybe COVID was more in the way than I think though or maybe it really does have to do with backlash or cultural reasons generally.

Hi everyone. I recently purchase a Rocketbook Fusion and have been using it quite a bit. I was wondering how you use / maximize your use of your Rocketbook as a teacher?
I personally use the different destinations for specific things like (student conferencing notes, PD notes, parent conversations, email) to our OneDrive connected to our school email.
I’m hoping to get some feedback from other teachers who may be using their own in unique ways.
Thanks in advance!

I am fresh out of high school, and have been working part-time for half a year. I intend to go to college soon, but before I do there are so many things I need to both think about and actually do. However, bringing myself to do these things is always so difficult.
I've been trying to get my drivers license, and I know that I want to do something related to tech in college. But bringing myself to drive can be so difficult, as I simply don't enjoy it and it always put me on edge. I'm running out of time on my learning permit, and this is not the first time. I fear that by the time I have enough experience to be comfortable, I'll have made some unreversible mistake. My parents are really wanting me to hurry and get my license, and then from there I can drive myself to college and whatever comes to my life after.
However, even with college, the idea of what I want to do is so vague. With a mixture of that and feeling as if I should look into areas of learning beforehand, I feel as if I am underprepared for it. I know I should do preparation before I just show up one day lost. I know I should get my drivers license so I can worry less about transportation and so I wont have to worry about it for a long time to come. But I can't bring myself to actually sit down and act on it. To look up courses at the college I intend to visit. To go on practice drives with my parents. To try driving on the highway for the first time.
I don't know if its fear of change, trouble going out of my comfort zone, or whatever it might be, but I want to act on changing it. I also know that this wont be the last time I feel this way and that I struggle with this problem. It merely happened to occur with these two pieces of my life. I want to do what I know will help me in my future, I am merely unsure of how to act on it and take the first step. Sorry if this is confusing at all, and thank you to anyone who can offer even a single word of how to go about it.

Cigarettes and rebellion have always gone hand-in-hand, and in an age of cigarette packet-sized health warnings, now more than ever, smoking a fag says: 'I do not give a fuck.' But if Brandon Flowers is hoping to strike a seditious pose by sparking up at the start of the interview, it's not going according to plan. The Killers' frontman is on all fours rooting through the junk that carpets the anteroom at the band's rehearsal space. "Has anyone seen my lighter?" he asks, rocking back on his heels. The question hangs in the air while Brandon cocks his head, waiting for an answer like a meerkat listening for a predator. Twenty-five years old and with a delicate bone structure, there's something almost dainty about him. Receiving no response, he returns to his search. "Oh, Jeez," he sighs. "I had it just a minute ago."
It's a scene that emphatically does not suggest a rebel without a cause. The mess isn't helping. The Killers' HQ - an industrial unit sandwiched between a construction supplier and the offices of a housing development just off Dean Martin Drive in West Las Vegas - is ankle-deep in designer clothing. A Dior Homme suit lies crumpled by the door; there's a pile of shoes topped like a sundae by a pair of Marc Jacobs trainers; and anyone wishing to enter the shoebox room the band use as an office must negotiate a mountain of discarded jeans. Many items are identifiable as coming from the wardrobe of Hot Fuss, The Killers' hugely successful 2004 debut album - triple platinum in the UK with two weeks at Number One and five million sold worldwide. Look! There are the shirts, ties and suit jackets they wore when they thrilled Glastonbury 2005 with indie rock anthems Mr Brightside and Somebody Told Me. That was the crowning moment of a two-and-a-half year tour that finally concluded in October of last year. It seems that after playing that final date in Miami, they returned to Vegas and shrugged off their image onto the floor of this bland white box.
Now a fine layer of dust covers the dead clothes. The Killers have no further use for white tuxedos on their second album, Sam's Town. Today, Brandon wears a black polo shirt, black pin-stripe waistcoat, black jeans and black boots. Where there used to be a layer of foundation, there is now a beard - an untrimmed beard at that. Dave Keuning (30, guitar), Mark Stoermer (29, bass) and Ronnie Vannucci (29, drums) all echo Brandon's black ensemble. Ronnie has added Aviator shades and a handlebar moustache for a dash of motorcycle cop, Dave's frizzy bubble of hair gives him a Marc Bolan-ish air, and there's something very teenage about Mark's scuffed Vans.
Short of walking around wearing sandwich boards saying, "Our new record is a bit heavier than the last one," The Killers couldn't hope to communicate that message more effectively. And they have gained some musical girth on Sam's Town. The pop hooks that made Hot Fuss so irresistible survive intact - see the ringing guitar riffs on first single When You Were Young - but there's a newfound punchiness, coupled with an epic sweep. The minor-to-major uplifts on Bones are fabulously dramatic, the coda to Why Do I Keep Counting? thrillingly intense. Comparisons to Bruce Springsteen have been made. If they overstate the case a little, they are at leaset qualitatively accurate. The Killers are back and this time it's serious - they've got the bootlace ties to prove it.
"Hey, it says here that Springsteen's headlining Glastonbury next year," shouts Ronnie, who's flicking through the NME. He nods sagely at the page without looking up.
"Really?" asks Dave, nicknamed Crazy Dave on account of his alledgedly volatile nature.
"The Boss is headlining one night, we're playing second on the bill the next night and Kylie's headlining the Sunday," says Brandon, charging like a bull through Michael Eavis' as-yet-unannounced line-up with what subsequently proves to be a characteristic gaucheness.
But that lighter is proving elusive. This being America, none of the people hurrying to-and-fro prepping the world for the release of Sam's Town smokes. Manager Robert Reynolds - Bobby Rey to the band - barks into his mobile, booking his band onto eye-wateringly demanding tours. "We're going to make a lot of money," he cackles to himself before switching calls to make a series of stern pronouncements on legal matters. Dave, Mark and Ronnie disappear for a jam session. Artwork is approved, B-sides are decided on and schedules are hammered out.
"I can't find it," Brandon says, finally. But he's not going to be denied the opportunity to underline The Killers reinvention with a puff of smoke. "Let's go to the gas station. I'll have to buy one. It's too busy to talk here anyway."
+
Brandon's black (of course) Volkswagen Touraeg four-wheel drive is barrelling down West Flamingo Road into town. "I was a bell boy there," he says, pointing out of the driver's window at the stucco facade of the Gold Coast casino. "I was working there when we were signed."
Coming from Las Vegas, it is perhaps inevitable that casinos play a big part in The Killers' story; not only is Sam's Town named after one, it was recorded in one, too.
The band began writing songs while on the road with Hot Fuss, turning up early for soundchecks to run through new ideas. On a trip home to Vegas, George Maloof, a hotelier known for cultivating famous friends, invited them to record the album in the new studio he'd built at The Palms, his flagship hotel-cum-gambling den. When the tour finished in October 2005, they returned to Vegas and spent five month finessing the songs they'd sketched out on the road. Then, in February, they decampled to the third floor studio at The Palms and recorded Sam's Town over 11 weeks.
Producer Flood (U2, Depeche Mode) encouraged them to experiment. They overdubbed, fiddled with synthesizers and played with new equipment. It took them five weeks to get the backing vocals right. The band sang the harmonies, then double-tracked them four times. The end result recalls Queen wondering, "Is this is the real life? Is this just fantasy?" When Ronnie, a trained classical percussionist, brought some kettledrums down, eyebrows were raised; but the fabulously bombastic coda on Why Do I Keep Counting? vindicates his indulgence.
"That's kind of the Ben Hur of the album," he says. He's not wrong. Sam's Town is a record on an epic scale. "Yeah, it has drama," he continues. "But, at the same time, I think it's a little more exposed than Hot Fuss. It's a little more naked. Last time it was about a lot of fictional things." By "fictional", Ronnie means that Hot Fuss wore its predominantly British influences for all to see. Brandon's taste in music is rabidly Anglophile - he constantly references The Smiths, The Cure and Joy Division - and it showed. By contrast, Sam's Town is an unequivocally American record. The lyrical imagery is pure American dream - cars, girls, wide-open spaces and escaping to a better life. "We're burning down the highway skyline/On the back of a hurricane that started turning/When you were young," sings Brandon on When You Were Young. That's the basis of the Springsteen comparisons then, though the lack of pathos more closely recalls another blue-collar rocker from New Jersey - Jon Bon Jovi.
The phrase "this town" recurs throughout the album, and it's always receding into the distance as The Killers escape to a new life. "This town was made for passing through/I never did get along with everybody else," sings Brandon on This River Is Wild. On Read My Mind he "never really gave up on breaking out of this two-star town", while on the title track he offers something of an explanation: "Nobody ever had a dream round here."
"With the first record, there was this feeling that there was this world out there that we didn't know," says Mark later in the day. Before The Killers, he studied philosophy: now he's their quiet one. "We wanted to get out and away from this and be somewhere else. We hadn't had a lot of experience - hadn't travelled much - then we were gone for three years. We didn't sit down and say that we wanted to make a record about how we're glad to be home, but that's what happened naturally."
It's not an angsty record. The Killers have already escaped with Hot Fuss, and, having done so, they view the experience fondly now they're back. There's a mistiness to Brandon's eyes as he explains how the album got it's name.
"Sam's Town is a casino on the edge of Vegas," he says. "I grew up in Henderson, which is out on the way to the Hoover Dam. My mom and dad lived in a trailer park, and my dad used to hitchhike up and down Boulder Highway, which is the only way you could get to Vegas. Sam's Town was the first thing you saw on your way in to town. So, when you're driving down Boulder Highway from Henderson, I always thought you finally knew you were getting somewhere when you saw Sam's Town. It was kind of like a beacon."
"It's not a completely American album," contines Brandon. "We still have our English influence, but we're also from the Wild West. Somehow we've managed to unify all that on this album. it's just such a perfect resemblence of what we are."
At the petrol station, Brandon rummages through the glove box looking for change to buy a lighter. "This is a great album," he says, pointing at Highway Companion, the latest from iconic American rocker Tom Petty. "I've always been a big fan of his. He's such a great American artist."
Yes, Brandon: we get the point.
+
When Brandon finally lights his cigarette, he smokes it awkwardly, like a child mimicking something he's seen the grown-ups doing. However, when he cheerfully admits that, "I feel the same mentally as I did when I was 12," it's not a knowing nod to the fact that he sometimes behaves like a loveably precocious child, but a reference to an unusually comprehensive grounding in pop music at an early age.
When Brandon sings about "this town", he doesn't mean Las Vegas. He means Nephi, Utah or Henderson, Nevada, where he spent his childhood. His parents are Mormon and he is the youngest of six children. "I was a surprise," he says. "I've got a 42-year-old sister." If he was issues about his "surprise" status, he chooses to gloss over them. "It turned out perfect because my brother was a teenager when I was a kid," he says. "He would bring home things like Rattle And Hum by U2 and I would watch it. I remember he bought Live In Dallas by Morrissey. It was always him watching these things, or his door was shut and you'd hear The Head On The Door by The Cure blasting through the house and rattling the walls."
The Killers were formed when Brandon answered an advert Dave had placed in a local paper in late 2002. Dave cited Oasis as a big influence; Brandon had seen them play recently and responded; and, as Dave has said in previous interviews: "He was the only person to reply to my ad who wasn't a complete freak." However, the band was born in Brandon's brothers bedroom.
"His room was like a shrine," enthuses Brandon. "It was a holy place. I wish I could show you a picture of it. It was covered in posters. There'd be a big picture of Elvis wearing a bow tie that just said 'The Smiths' [the artwork for The Smiths 1987 single Shoplifters Of The World Unite]. You had The Cure wearing face paint [the artwork to The Cure's 1985 single In Between Days] - all that kind of stuff. I remember Morrissey being on the cover of the NME, with the halo [from 1985] - stuff like that. You just wanted to know about these people 'cause they were so cool. My brother seemed like such a cool person. But he was a teenager, so he wasn't going to be that nice to me, a kid."
Brandon was fascinated by his brother's collection of music, magazines and posters, but he was denied access to them - officially, at least. "I would sneak in," he says. "I knew he'd be angry if he found out, but I would go in as soon as he left the house." For a long time Brandon was too scared to actually play anything. "That didn't come 'til later. I just used to go in there because I liked it. Then I got to the point where I'd actually take a tape out and put it in. It took more guts to do that."
It was a life-changing moment. "I was ten and the first song I played was Sing Your Life by Morrissey. I remember dancing about to it."
The lyrics to Sing Your Life include the lines, "Sing your life/Just walk right up to the microphone/And name all the things that you love/All the things that you loathe." It's intriguing to wonder what Morrissey makes of the neophyte he inspired with these lines.
Eventually, Brandon inherited his brother's tape collection. "It was around the same time CDs started coming out in a big way. He started buying CDs and gave me his tapes. And that was it: it took off from there. I got a hundred of the best albums - all the New Order, all the Morrissey, all The Smiths, The Beatles. I started buying posters. I went to see The Cure in concert. It was just kind of a continuation of my brother. And it was nice because, though my parents were strict, they were already used to it from him. There was no, 'My dad doesn't understand me,' or any of that kind of stuff. My mum likes The Smiths."
Brandon was 13 and his favourite band was late-'70s/early-'80s American new wavers The Cars, and particularly their jaw-droppingly catchy 1979 single Just What I Needed.
"I wouldn't exist without that song," he says. "That was the one. I remember driving around with my mum when I was 13, and we're living in Nephi - a really small town - and I felt so cool when I put that song on. Like: 'I have something that none of these kids I'm going to middle school with tomorrow have.' That excitement is what music's about, isn't it? That's why I understand the mentality of people that don't like us because we've sold so many records. I used to like it when no one else knew about a band. So I get that - I do."
+
Brandon's first band was called Blush Response. It was never going to work out. Not because he refused to move to Los Angeles with them, but because he is utterly - comically - shameless. He's given to making outrageously boastful statements like: "It's not like the '60s, '70s and '80s now. There are only a few bands around that are really good, that just do it. I mean, there's what, five or six of us?"
For the record, in Brandon's estimation, those bands are Franz Ferdinand, Razorlight, The Strokes, The White Stripes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs and, of course, The Killers.
"I don't want people to think I'm lumping myself with other people just to make us sound cool," he says. Really? It sort of sounds like you are. But he just steamrolls through it. "Yeah, but you know what I mean," he says, grinning at his own cheekiness. He's so disgracefully forward you can't help but laugh along with him - Oh you are awful, Brandon! But joking aside, The Killers are the most commercially successful of all the bands he mentions.
Later, back at the rehearsal space, the band run through Sam's Town at deafening volume in preparation for the forthcoming tour - first the US, then the world. The infectious, almost contagious, chorus of When You Were Young sounds fabulous, as do the U2-like guitars and Twin Peaks synths of Read My Mind. Meanwhile, Smile Like You Mean It and Somebody Told Me benefit from the newfound harder edge.
They somewhat heavy-handedly underline the new direction by playing Paranoid by Black Sabbath and Get It On by T Rex. That's the thing: The Killers are not a subtle band. Their songs are like a wet kiss from a girl who's a bit too drunk. They are big and brash, and not everyone loves them for it. Mr Brightside and Somebody Told Me might go down as well at hip nightclubs as they do on the festival circuit, but the DJs play them with the same guilty look they wear when playing a pop record.
"I hate that," says Brandon. "Like writing a song you can hum somehow cheapens it? It makes me think of this quote by Morrissey. Everybody knows how he read Oscar Wilde, Keats and Yates when he was growing up and that he wanted to be a writer. He was talking to this journalist who asked why he hadn't become a writer, and Morrissey said: 'What I do is more powerful than what you do because I can write down these words and you get it to a melody. How can you beat that?' I'm of the same opinion. I don't understand why a good melody that's memorable is a bad thing."
Being dismissed as pop particular aggrieves Ronnie. "When we first came out we got compared to Duran Duran all the time. Jesus Christ! We got a keyboard player now all of a sudden he's Nick Rhodes! Come on!"
"The people who criticise us for being too poppy don't get it," agrees Mark. "I think that's the problem with a lot of rock music. People are afraid to write a song any more. Either that or they can't. And that attitude hurts music in general. The best bands ever have all written great songs. You can still do it and do it intelligently and it can be original. This isn't a studio creation with a producer writing these songs for us. We're not Avril Lavigne, or something like that. We're a real band writing real songs, just like a punk band would do, except that we write pop songs."
You get the impression that The Killers knack for showboating pop hooks that border on vulgar is inextricably tied up with the brazen side of Brandon's personality. But while his ebullient charisma, not to mention the songs themselves, mitigates his outrageousness, there is a less attractive side to his ego. He has a combative streak. He can't resist taking pot shots at emo bands, notably Fall Out Boy, whith whom The Killers share an A&R man.
Has he heard how many emo kids it takes to change a light bulb? "No." None. They just sit in the dark and cry. It's a full 30 seconds before he stops laughing. When he does he admits: "Yeah, we've had problems with other bands. You know, when you walk in the room it's like..." He whistles the theme to The Good, The Bad And The Ugly. "We're like gangs."
And while the other members of the band are diplomatic on the subject of Brandon, you don't have to read too deeply between the lines to conclude that there have been internal issues, too.
"Some people will think Brandon's the big genius," says Dave, visibly bridling. "There are songs, such as Why Do I Keep Counting?, where he's written every note. But there are others, like When You Were Young, that were more of a collaboration - like Mr Brightside, where I had some of the music and Brandon came up with the lyrics. We always have arguments about who wrote what. The truth is that we all help in that process."
When asked how success affected them, Ronnie says: "There were certain things that needed adjusting. When you're on tour for two years, people can get a little needy. It doesn't help that you're surrounded by yes men and everybody's working for you. At times we've had to say, 'Who do you think you are?' to people. No one wears the trousers, but some people would like to. I think if it wasn't for the people in the band kicking each other in the ass... Let's just say there was some ass-kickin'."
It doesn't take a genius to work out whose ass needed kicking most often.
+
It's the following day and The Killers are back at their rehearsal space. The topic of discussion is what to wear in the video for Bones, the second single. It's a big deal: the director is Tim Burton. "I feel like Frank Sinatra when I sing it," announces Brandon. "With maybe a little bit of Morrissey and a little bit of Elvis, too."
Of course he does. But if securing the services of Tim Burton tells you one thing, it's that The Killers are about to get even bigger, perhaps even make the leap to the same level as Coldplay et al. Already stars, they are about to become superstars. Brandon can hardly wait.
"Do you know that Rolling Stone didn't want to put us on the cover last time," he says indignantly. "They didn't think we were stars. We sold five million albums! What more do they want from a band?"
Whatever was required, Brandon would be happy to do most things. "I'll do stuff that some people don't want to do, 'cause I want people to hear the music," he says. However, even he has limits. "The Rolling Stone thing made the record label think: 'What can we do to make them stars?' If I go on vacation with my wife, do they have to send somebody to be there to take pictures of me? Is that how you become a star? I don't want that. I walked down the red carpet one time and I realised I don't like it. But you don't have to walk down the red carpet for people to hear your music. We do still have some of that indie blood running through our veins."
He heads off at a tangent: "When you walk around Liverpool, you think of The Beatles, or you go to Manchester and you think of The Smiths or Oasis. I want you to come to Las Vegas and think of Sam's Town. And I think we've started to capture that, which is a truer version of The Killers, 'cause that's where we're from."
He pauses.
"I used to live across the street from Sam's Town. Maybe it'll be like our Abbey Road where people go to take pictures."
Is that what he'd like?
"I wouldn't mind it," he says, desperately hoping it will come true.
He puts a cigarette between his lips, looks down at his trouser pockets and pats them in search of the lighter he bought yesterday.
"Hey, I don't suppose you've got one?"