So I have this Column A which contains all bunch of fruits (apples, mangoes, bananas, oranges, grapes, pineapple, etc.) repetitively, what would be the case if I then want to count a certain condition and also count Column B if it contains another certain condition (let's say, a partial text) as well only if Column A didn't meet that certain condition? For example:
Column A Column B
Apple Banana Mango partial text
Apple Grape Pineapple partial text
Apple Mango Pineapple
If you see, I want to count the number of apples appeared (which is 3 in this case), but also count a "partial text" on Column B only if it didn't count Apples in Column A (which will be 2 since it appeared on Mango and Pineapple), which in case the final result will be 5.

tl;tr what is my life (Leaving note at the top of my post cause post is too long lol) Note 1: Didn't expect for the post to be that long. I apologize for any grammatical errors or incoherences, don't have the energy to read proof everything, took me almost 4 hours to write.
Note 2: Before you guys suggest therapy. I do believe in mental health and always wanted to go see a therapist but you hear a lot of horror stories about therapists where I live. Like a friend of mine went to see one at one point and he literally told her "you are too dramatic and you are lying. There is no way you feel the way you say you do". Plus even if I manage to find a good one they are expensive as fuck.
Note 3: Moving out isn't a solution either at the moment cause can't afford it. Plus it is hard to find somewhere to rent as a fairly young bachelor in a conservative country plus if they do rent to young people the apartments are usually falling apart, they over charge and you would end up with like 7 other roommates in a 3 bedrooms apartment.
I don't really know where to start since it is 1 am where I live and I am exhausted. But yeah, basically I think that I might not be a good person? that I might be a bit of an asshole and also a loser? I am not sure.
The situation that I am facing right now is that I am 29, jobless, 5 years into my PhD that i wanted to quit for a while now, live with my mom and aunt (I live in a place when it is normal for someone to live with their parents or family in their 20s or 30s, people usually only move out if they either get married or their job isn't close to where their parents live). I am really unhappy with my life, with how I usually handle things and with how I turned out.
I graduated university at 23, got my first job as a phone repair technician few months after graduating, got pressured into doing a PhD but at the same time I was like "why not?". Wasn't a fan of my job anyway and I haven't heard from the couple of interviews I have been to. I was excited to start doing academic research actually, but as soon as I got accepted things started going downhill. Our lab director passed away before we got assigned out subjects and supervisors, then COVID lock down, my dad passed away from COVID, my supervisor retired and I got assigned a new one that is clueless, they wouldn't let me stay at the dorms during my third year cause "of the volume of new students they received that year" according to them, decided to teach a class during the first semester of last year so I would have to stay close to our lab that entire time. I didn't make much progress. Nowadays I feel burnt out and I stopped trying. When people ask me about my PhD I lie and tell them that I am almost done. I have been to quite a few job interview during the past few years but they never called back. Had some projects in mind that were good business ideas imo but whenever I started I would never go through with them cause of the stress PhD is causing me. Never been good under pressure.
As for my relationships, I will start with my parents. We have had my fair-chair of big and small arguments in my teen and adult years, but I have always had a good relationship with them and I loved them. Now, since my dad passed away my mom, sister and I became really close (or closer than we already were). Then my aunt moved in with us a little while after that (due to some personal stuff), everything was good and well at first but the thing is I live in a conservative country, in a very conservative city and my aunt is super old school and she got an influence over my mom who has become super controlling which caused some friction between us for the past few years but especially during the past year and it has gotten worse during the past couple of days (well I wouldn't put the issue entirely on her cause my mom has always nosy and controlling but she would stop if you talked to her). Now when I say controlling and nosy I mean she is trying to control everything even what I wear, and whenever I am talking to the phone she always comes into my room to know who I am talking to. Sometimes she acts like she is disciplining a 15 yo and not talking to a grown man. I have always given up a small part of my independence since my parents were sheltering me, I have had a couple of friends telling me I shouldn't when we were younger and I was always like "nah, it's fine". Well now that I am trying to get 100% of my independence and autonomy back and receiving a big push back I am starting to understand what they meant.
Now to my friends. Well, I should start by saying that during my teen years I did have friends but I had a lot of difficulties connecting with people or knowing how to react during social situations which also lead to me being bullied quite a lot up until I was around 19/20. During my uni years and early 20s things have gotten better all of a sudden, I was less shy, it was easier to talk to people and to know how to react to different situations, it was easier to make new friend and my relationships with the couple of friends I made during middle school and high school was great. Even my old bullies became respectful and would stop for a chat whenever they saw me. It got me thinking "maybe that's how it is like to turn into an adult" at some point. Now I have made quite a few friends from a couple of groups I hang out with, and I like to think that I am pretty close to most of them or at least was. The thing is that over the years some of them either criticize my quirks or tease me which I always thought was fine, I would either answer them back jokingly, take their criticism seriously and try to work on myself depending on what the quirk is or just ignore them. The problem is that over the year some of my friends have started to either take themselves or their teasing too far. Sometimes it just feels like they are walking over me. Like that one friend who always lectures me "about being a grown ass man" (and in a mean way might I add, he literally screams at me) just because I haven't seen him while outside, because I only drive inside our town (because I am not that good of a driver, I used to get extreme anxiety just being behind a wheel)(he lectured me 3 times during the same day last month and 2 of them was in front of mutual friends) or that one time he berated me about something that I thought so stupid that I made a joke and his literal answer was "shut the fuck up and listen to me when I am talking to you, I am older than you (by 2 months), I have more experience than you (cause he moved abroad) and I know better than you". Or when that group of friends that tried to catfish me at one point (they did a very bad job btw). Or that other friend that does fucked up shit or says hurtful things and his out of jail card is literally "it was just a prank bro". Like whenever I tell him the smoke from his cigarettes his bothering me he literally blows smoke on my face, or that time he threw a lit cigarette butt on me and it ruined my pants, or when we were complaining about or PhDs (he used to be a PhD student) and he told me "you stagnating so you wish for people to go backwards so it would feel like you are making progress" or that time were he told a mutual acquaintance that "I was a simp"(which I am lol) and that "I stuck to girls like glue". And sure enough whenever I stop talking to him his response would be "it was just a joke", or when I loaned him money cause he had money issues few years back he has promised me several times that he would pay me back after he gets paid for jobs he is doing but then when I ask him again he is like "Why didn't you ask me 2 days ago I used it to pay back few debts. You are the only debt I have left.". He has done the same thing over the past few years and given me the exact same answer each time. Until, I told him last year that it was okay if he didn't pay me back cause he had to loan a big amount to pay for his parents' rent .
Now I am not sure the way I respond to those situations is the healthiest. My go to strategy is to just go home and not talk to them for a while. The most recent example is from last weeks. I have a friend that always asks me to download softwares for him, to install them and set them up. Honestly I didn't mind it at first but he does it so often that it has become annoying and it feels like I can't refuse cause he always says "if I am bothering you that is okay", plus whenever he sits next to me while I work on his PC he goes on rants I don't want to hear about. Anyway, he is a PhD student and he asked me to help him with a paper he is working on cause it is overlapping with my field, I didn't mind. Then, he called me the other day and asked if I could meet him immediately, I accepted (to be fair to him he did ask me if I was going to take a lot of time to arrive, I answered with "no" then it did take me 25 minutes more than it should have) and when I called him to tell him I was almost there he answered with "are you kidding me? I don't have time", I just hang up before he could finish his sentence and went back home. Or two voice messages I impulsively sent yesterday cause I was really upset and needed to let my anger out one way or another. The first one was to the "it was just a prank, bro" dude, I lent him some more money few months ago that he promised he would pay back by the end of 2023 and still hasn't. The message went like this "give me back my money or I will kick you in the balls and break your nose" (it sounded cooler in my language lol. And I want to add that he would definitely win in a fight. ). It wasn't about the money I was just tired of him and would get upset every-time I would think about the way he is treating me. Then I followed up with another message calling him a parasite. The second one was to the dude who always berates me. Despite the way he treats he considers me as a best friend, so I have been thinking about sending him a message for the past 2 weeks explaining to him that I didn't like the way he treated me. But because I was angry the message went like this "Go fuck yourself, and fuck your so called advice. You are just trying to enforce some random criteria you have made up on me. Let me give you the same advice you give me, you are a 30 yo man so it would be about time you came back to reality and to close your asshole (which is a rude way of saying you have got a big head in my language). Also shut the fuck up.". Needless to say that he was confused and tried to call me and left me like 2 voice messages that I ignored (cause I wasn't feeling like hearing from anyone) and a screenshot from his note app saying that he was sorry that I felt that way and that he considered me like a good friend and that I was a good guy (I haven't read everything). He probably tried to contact me today, but I can't be sure cause I spent the entire day messing with my phone and installing different ROMS (OS). But yeah, I received an SMS from him few hours ago saying that he was going to press charge for "defamation and mental distress " (I think that is the correct translation), which I thought was ridiculous plus he is not the kind to press charges. But then, he has people in his life that he respects a lot and if they advised him to he would definitely do it. Plus he used the number he uses when he comes to our country to text me, on the other hand the country he is at is close enough that he could just text me from that number. I mean I think it would be ridiculous to press charges for that voice mail lol, but again some stupid law got voted few months ago that if you were caught cussing that could cause you up to 6 months of jail, and I definitely cussed. Oh and he also followed with "we obviously don't deal with conflicts the same way. There is the dirty way then there is the smart way" (Again not sure about the translation so I am using the literal one). When I saw it I was like "there is no way I am not ignoring you now"
If you managed to read the whole thing I thank you, I feel a lot better, I mean it still feels like the earth is about to swallow me whole but I still weirdly feel calm about it lol.

CONVERSATION WITH MY FRIEND LINKED IN COMMENTS
So I was travelling in Peru, an absolute dream trip. After 4 days of hiking the incredible Inca Trail, I got back to my hostel that evening bursting with excitement to tell all my friends back home about it. I got on Discord and talked to a friend I've had for 10 years (screencaps of convo in comments). She mentioned she's going to Florida with her husband in June. Anyway I happened to mention some other potential places she might like and mentioned Mexico among them. Cue the conversation.
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I think she interpreted what I was saying as downplaying the fact that, yes, travelling as a woman is very different than travelling as a man, especially if it's a more traditional place. Maybe I should have made it clear that I understand that instead of trying to offer examples of women who feel safe travelling. But I got immediately defensive because she couched it in a racial way, implying it's inherently unsafe to be outnumbered by people of colour as a white woman (she even conflated Mexico and Dominican Republic because they're both Latin countries) which really shook me up because I haven't heard her talk like this before. Sometimes when we have a contentious disagreement she shuts the conversation down, like you see at the end there, and since then (May 1) I haven't messaged her. I just don't know what to say.
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I had such an amazing time in Peru and met so many nice people. So to hear my good friend disparaging the people of Latin American countries in such a callous way really cut me deep, especially when I think of my own Latin friends. I'm torn between feeling mad at her for thinking this way, and feeling bad for her being so scared of the world that she thinks she'll be abducted and murdered if she wanders too far from home. The world is a beautiful place with a lot of bad in it, but most people are good. It's a shame to learn she doesn't feel the same way.
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What would you do in this situation? Should I attempt to talk this out with her? Simply state that I'm offended and why? Should I wait for her to reach out again? Any thoughts would be much appreciated!
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I know it's probably neither here nor there but she grew up in an extremely sheltered family--I'm talking not being allowed to take buses by herself until she was in her mid 20s, religious abuse, not knowing about the world until after she met me, still living with her husband and weird hoarder parents in their basement at 30, etc. So sometimes she says VERY out of touch stuff but usually means well. These racial comments are new though. It makes me wonder how well I really know my friend, if I've been blind to other instances in the past, or what. Sorry for the ramble but it's been eating at me and I had no one to really talk about this with!

The rift between them has caused a lot of tension in my family and now my mom wants to be in the life of her newborn grandson but refuses to address or try to mend things with my wife.
Little history: I probably introduced them too quickly. My grandmother was in town in south Florida about to move here from Illinois for a retirement community. My wife, girlfriend at the time, came with cookies or some form of baked goods like she usually does when visiting someone as a sign of affection and respect. Where it went wrong from here I have no idea. I suppose the initial crack was when wife scheduled a skitrip for her and I to have as a 1 year of dating anniversary present. We are not rich, this is a huge gift that made sense to her since I refused to let her pay rent. Our combines salaries are barely over 120k. So wife calls mom 6 months in advance because she is a planner for the sole purpose of asking my mom to watch one of our four dogs. Wife has already paid in full for the trip. Yet Mom decides it is a great idea to instead use the opportunity to hop on and take a family trip because it is the last time the family will have for a family vacation - I am the oldest of two boys and two stepsisters, my mom married the guy she left my father for who has twin girls of his own that were in the womb during the infidelity. Anyway mom completely takes over and decides to make our one year gift a family vacation, so she books tickets for a hotel nearby. Wife is bold but at the time not bold enough to stop my mom in her tracks for overstepping a boundary. At this time she still respected my mother and kind of let herself get steamrolled.
Probably skippable Family history: Now I have always had issues with my mother, resentment for leaving my father for my stepdad behind my own fathers back and constantly trying to keep brother and I from seeing “Disneyland dad who doesn’t do any of the work but gets all the fun.” my mother was very strict growing up, always bringing us to church and making my father feel guilty for not bringing brother and I on his weekend. So mom marries stepdad age 11, divorces him around 13 after asking me advice for her relationship and i encourage her to move out. Then remarries him and moves us back into his house age 15. Here I begin rebellion and normal teeenager stuff but stepdad won’t butt in because he isn’t my “biological father” so would have my mom intervene brother and i from behind the scenes. For example, I am young and messing around on the piano because music is important and I never had any formal training and mom comes in to tell me stepdad “wants to know when the concert is going to end because it is a little annoying.” Anyway, they have me prescribed adderall at 16 and in the parking lot holding my first prescription I am told that they would like me to move out and in with my father, who had chased us every time mom and stepdad moved several miles away (5 moves from age 5-15 all in one county). Anyway, brother and I are recovering alcoholics with (my) slipups triggered from interactions or visiting my mom, which mom claims is genetics from my father alone and has nothing to do with her. Maternal grandfather, mother, and I have some nasty temper problems which certainly are exacerbated by drinking (at least mine and moms).
Skitrip revelations: Wife and I are on the way to brothers graduation in Chicago, and wife has yet to reveal to me that my mother has taken over her massive investment of a couples ski vacation and it will now be a family vacation for mom, stepdad, brother, two stepsisters who are all getting out of gradschool. On the way to the airport I am told the news by future wife of my one year surprise. So I get upset and call my mom to call it off. She obliges my request and now holds resentment against me and now wife for “ruining her last family vacation.” Fine, whatever. Mother never says a word about it for months until we are out for a distant family members birthday dinner and at a table of about 8-10 people that are having a group conversation and gets real close to my wife’s ear and tells her privately along the lines of “you deprived our family of our last family vacation.” During this time my wife is frantically tapping my leg under the table because my mom can get a little aggressive. My mom saw this and later (privately to me) mocked her for doing it to my leg under the table.
Christmas blessings: Closer to Christmas maybe 2/3 weeks later we went to go see my mom and my mom had a couple drinks in her (not an alcoholic like brother and I just very sensitive to a couple glasses of wine and occasionally some hidden sips of wine or something) and invites my wife to Christmas church and out to dinner after because the family needs photos for a Christmas card and future wife “will be the photographer for it.” Now this can easily be a nothing comment but given the way my mom had been making future wife feel, it was taken as an insult. So wife declined church and showed up to family dinner just in time for photography session to be over.
The distance: Then mom moves to a fancy house up the coast and invites us up to visit. At first it is ok to bring the 4 dogs then the day before she says they will not have dogs at the house and we can easily find a sitter. 2 Dogs don’t get along, they need to be separated always as there has been two attacks on one from the other, so we can’t trust someone to come to the house and keep them separate and we won’t board 4 dogs it’s too expensive for us. Anyway we go back and forth being invited with the dogs then they retract the offer and say pick one dog to bring and leave the others and it’s just annoying, so we say forget it and don’t go. But my brother becomes engaged and decides to throw his engagement party at my mom’s new place near the beach. Great. First all the dogs are welcome, then day before they say it is too chaotic and she will pay for a small hotel room for one night for future wife and her dogs and my one (the attack dog) can stay in a crate at the house with me but I may not leave the dog to stay with her. And no reasonable cheap hotel in the area is going to accommodate 4 dogs. Anyway wife is stressed but feels obligated to come because I am the best man and I stay at the house while she checks her dogs into the hotel. Wife had made a cheesecake and brought it up in a separate car from me, 4 hour drive by the way, and night of.. my mom says no desserts for engagement party dinner, the dessert is themed or some crazy stuff. Wife shows up to dinner a little later and very flustered because of the situation plus I had relapsed on a bottle of whiskey a couple days prior to seeing my mom. Related, I don’t know. Anyway. Mom has had a couple drinks and future wife and I are talking about having children and religion comes up. Mom asks what we were thinking of doing about baptism or not and I jokingly said (guiltily to get on my moms nerves a bit) that he would have a bris and would love it if she would come to the bar mitzvah. now my wife’s mom was forced to convert from Catholicism to Judaism for her own mother in laws acceptance for a failed marriage so wife is not religious, but it hurt my wife and reasonably so when my mom replied “oh, son, I raised you better than that.” Still no acknowlegement of fault from that comment and mom thinks wife is “overly sensitive, dramatic, and childish” for wanting an apology for it.
Weddings: Future wife becomes current wife. We had gotten engaged on our next anniversary trip she planned for us. I proposed on our bike and barge through tulip season in holland with our feet in the water of the North Sea after a picnic in the dunes. her family business manufactures photo albums for professional photographers, so aside from our families all being divorced, estranged, difficult, and us trying to save money, we did not have a wedding, we just did the paperwork within a month of the proposal. I had already decided to have a baby with her before the trip so we were trying. 2 weeks before brothers wedding in Tennessee we become pregnant, so we break news immediately as to not steal limelight from brothers expensive wedding. Mom says she will cover cost of rental car so we can save money. Ok great. She books the tiny car and we pack it and head up the Smokey mountains to the cabins we are staying at. Two cabins for grooms family, one for his mother and one for his father, ten paces from each other: they havnt spoken but twice im since divorce in 1995 but through lawyers. Grandmother, mother, stepdad, 2 stepsisters and one boyfriend stayed in mom’s side. Wife and I stay at father’s side cabin with just his wife. His Wife’s 3 daughters and family’s stayed a town away down the mountain among extended family. Anyway, beautiful wedding takes place. My wife is sent into town to collect flowers and run errands for my mom which she happily obliged to since she is a solitary person and did not want wedding day drama. Day after, we are loading our rental sedan with our bags. Mom and grandma need a ride to the airport and our flight is before theirs so they will drop off the car for us 4 hours or so after we go to the airport 5 hours from current time. We’re loading the car. Stepcousin passed out in mother’s cabin night before and needed a ride. Disorganized brunch for 20 people is trying to be made. Father’s wife’s daughter books a reservation for 10 people which include her family, her sisters, me, my wife, dad, and their mom. My stepdad had left for home at this point as he had taken his own suv instead of flying with my mom and 90 year old grandma. So mom is trying to pack grandma in the car with bags and my wife and stepcousin. At this point mother asks stepmother if she and grandma are on reservation for the brunch. Stepmom says no they are not, she wasn’t sure of their plans. Mom says under her breath “fucking assholes, so typical,” and she goes into a bit of a rage to which my stepmom says here “it’s ok I will call and add you two it’s no big deal.” So we continue packing the car and realize we won’t all fit. So my wife tells my stepcousin to go ride with my father to the restaurant 10 minutes away we will meet you there. Mom says to wife, “no you go with the father.” Wife says “no I am going to ride with my husband” mom gets close to her face with her finger and says “this is my car, you can fucking Uber!” Wife is 6 weeks pregnant at this point and it all escalated from here. wife and mother start yelling at each other swearing at each other and we get into the car, mom behind wife who was in shotgun. 2 occasions on the trip I had to stop the car because mom had taken off her seatbelt to stand over the seat and scream in my wife’s face with so much vigor that spit came on to her face multiple times. I’m trying to tell them both to behave and mom sit down shut the f up. Mom is telling wife to get the f out of the car and find a ride, she has no right to speak because she’s “new here” (dating and living together for 3 years at this point). The following brunch she apologized in a crowd with a hushed voice at a table of 20 people trying to have a group conversation again privately to my wife “I’m sorry you get so upset” and my wife told her “that is not an apology.” The following several hours in the car with grandma and stepcousin and wife were some of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. At a gas station I pulled my mom aside and said I need ther to give a huge apology, that it was so nasty and inappropriate, my brother and I are used to abusive language and aggressive behavior but to my pregnant wife and any other human being it is disgusting and unacceptable. Sitting in the car was quiet for many hours until we got to the airport. No speaking about what happened just mom happy go lucky about Tennessee and Dollywood and wife and I in shock, cousin still half in the bag from a fun wedding, grandma 90 years old probably confused about what happened.
The family groupchat: Im waiting on an apology from my mother to my wife who is extremely hurt and expressed to my mom loads of time she needs to reach out and apologize. We’re not talking until she will do so. It is bugging me and keeping me up at night. My appendix flares up and I am admitted to the hospital with emergency appendectomy. Still pregnant Wife suggests I reach out to mom to let her know what’s going on. So I text mom I’m at the hospital and will have surgery. I send a pic or something that on my end says hasn’t gone through. Mom group texts our family group with stepdad, his daughters, brother and his wife, and grandma that I am in the hospital and attaches the pic I sent of me in there. Then she continues to rave about the success of her startup company and how they got FDA approved clinical trials finally completed or some pivotal moment that made the text about her. Wife and I are in a hospital so the picture comes up on moms end as unable to have been sent. Mom assumes that my wife has blocked her phone, so mom removes my wife from the chat. Wife is rushing home to take care of the dogs at this point and is not alerted on her phone, but on everyone else’s phone it clearly reads “(mom) has removed (wife) from the chat.” Immediately I text my mom and basically say how dare you do that to her she is the one who insisted I let you know out of respect and mom responds with blah blah she did this she did that I will not have it. So I go back to the family chat and remove mother. At this point I let everyone in the chat know what my mother has done and how she refuses to take responsibility for how she made my wife feel, address her feelings, apologize or do anything at all to reach out about the wedding incident or even inquire about the wellbeing of the pregnancy for her first grandchild. Stepdad finally steps in and tells me “enough.” Grandma says “shame on you.” I am dumbfounded. This is a hush hush family that hates to have anything out in the open and likes to maintain a picture perfect image. For examples; 1) I and wife were on the family Christmas card of a photo taken at the wedding that the whole world received except for wife and I. 2)brothers alcoholism was to remain hidden from the family as was his rehab treatment and how it affected his career. Now understand that they like to keep things quiet but that is not how I want to handle my problems, these things trigger alcohol use and violent outbursts on my part that I no longer wish to live through. Now appendectomy’s are pretty simple so I recovered quickly (it don’t rupture we just took it out). But during the time I was scheduled to be under anesthesia, stepdad reaches out to wife to have a chat and clear the air. Wife waits until I come to so i can be there and I hear the conversation. He claims to be here as a middleman like a business meeting to fix things once and for all. Wife and I are like wow great. He then proceeds to double down on my moms behalf that they will not be apologizing or meet any of her demands as she had already apologized as confirmed by 90yo grandma who was in the car and my mother herself. The term he used was stalemate to describe the situation. Wife and I are shocked but she has me keep quiet to show me what he will say. He proceeds to yell at her and they were screaming at each other, again steamrolling the conversation assuring us that he was down the middle yet maintains that mom has made a sufficient apology that needs to be accepted and wife needs to grow up and move on, then wishing her luck with the baby and a nice life. Next day I call stepdad to see how it went. He reassures me that he has done all he can and everything is back to normal. At this point I call him out and tell him I was conscious and explain to him what an apology is. But there is no dialogue with this guy like there is no dialogue with my mother. He proceeds to talk loudly over me like she does and basically call me a piece of shit for the amount he and mother have done for me. I speak to him first time like I never have before by calling him a hands off father and a pussy of a man who finally reaches out while he thinks I am under anesthesia to yell at my wife then pretend it’s cool, and I basically tell him he has never done a single thing for me to try and develop me into a man or nurture me as a child into an adult, but he thinks taking me on fishing trips and ski vacations are equivalent to love and nurturing growth and development just like my mom does. I reassure him that he has no right to talk about family being that he ruined his own as well as mine and couldn’t even tell my dad to his face that it was him who was sleeping with my mom behind his back when my dad came to him very upset as a friend when he got an anonymous phone tip at work one day. Then him and my mom laughed about it in court when my dad brought it up during the divorce. We ended with swearing and I felt very happy for finally giving my true feelings to him.
The birth: Months go by and nobody has said a thing. I can’t sleep at night seeing how much love I am getting from my father and his side for the baby, and my wife’s family, then thinking about how my own mother hasn’t reached out a single time. I’m dreaming about beating up my stepdad and it’s driving me mad. So weeks before the due date I reach out to my mom begging her to clear things up and apologize to my wife. Nothing. A week later i tell her how disappointed and abandoned I feel and want her in the family. Nothing. Baby comes a couple days early. Everyone is excited. Mom texts me begging for photos and to let everyone know. I tell her my brother and two stepsisters have received photos. I ask her to please reach out to wife she still needs to make amends for what’s happened between them and all she needs to do is reach out. Mom’s responses have been defensive, derisive, projecting, playing victim and referring to herself as a kicked puppy. Telling me my wife needs to apologize to her and making the conversation about mother son instead. She is beating around the bush. And she is sending me photos of my own baby that I did not send her. Her friends are congratulating me that I did not tell. Again she is pretending that everything is ok and it is not. She asked me to apologize to her husband for what I said on the phone that day. I said ok, watch this. So I sent the guy a message that was very apologetic and not passive aggressive or backhanded comments in any way. Still my mom won’t say anything.
Now: Baby is 6 days old. He is the best thing in my life and I wish my family were involved but it seems like I am living in a fantasy world where everyone can be happy together. I can be a jerk and have a terrible relationship with my mom, but I want more than anything to just feel loved enough where she can swallow her pride and make amends with my wife. Thats it. And she asked the other day to put a family group chat so everyone can be involved… for real? I know she is stressed with a high pressure job, but it seems heartless to me. She asks what big items she can get for the baby. Mom, baby is here we have everything for a couple months already. I said the biggest thing you can do is reach out and have a heart to heart with my wife so this rift can end and we can at least be cordial if you two can’t get along. I don’t think it will happen.
How do I mend this relationship between my wife and my mother?

I’ll keep it as short as I can, but essentially, I have a friend who is very sensitive to aggression due to RSD and ASD.
A few months back, he had mentioned that he feels “turned off” by our friendship when I complain about things or vent. He perceives it as aggression and it stresses him out. I never had any issues with him, or pinned any blame on him for any of my issues of course… I also wasn’t much of a complainer, but here and there I sprinkled in some rant-worthy topics to kickstart a conversation. But anyways, I was asked to stop complaining about things, so I did.
LATELY though, he had been really up and at it with his own complaints about life, so I perceived it as the open door to continue sharing my qualms with day to day stuff. For example, I made a negative remark about how the person ahead of me in a line of ten people was paying for their medication in all quarters. I texted my friend while waiting for this person to pay for their things, saying something like, “come on, someone ahead of me is paying in quarters. UGH!” Then later on in the day, my SO did something that bothered me, and I brought it up to, again, just have a conversation. Both times I “ranted”—which by the way were 1 line sentences, and nothing more— my friend acted very sullen and withdrawn, not really responding to what I said.
A day later, he hits me with, ‘remember how I said I hate it when you rant?’ And I explained that, well, he’d been ranting a lot too so I thought it was an invitation, if not fair for me to reciprocate. Kind of like mutual support. And, in fact, I was very wrong about that, and now we aren’t really talking because I’m really fkin tired of it not being a two way street.
I’m constantly a positive force in his life, providing feedback that makes him feel better, and when I’m feeling down and don’t really want to talk, he gets sullen instead of perhaps… giving back some of the sunshine I shared with him. Then when he asks what my problem is, and I share just a sliver of MY day to day issues, he gets up in arms about it! Like I’ve really done him wrong by opening up. There’s no winning it feels like. I’ve told him that I’m sorry for the inconvenience, sometimes I just want someone to tell me, “let it roll of your shoulders”. I want that pep talk that makes me forget the little issues I have in that moment. I guess it’s too hard to ask for.

growing up, my dad was always (for lack of a better word) an asshole. he was emotionally/physically abusive towards my mom consistently throughout my childhood. so you can understand the type of guy my father is, my mom couldn’t have female or male friends bc she would be accused of hooking up with them, if my mom had a job she was accused of hooking up with her coworkers, if my mom held the priest’s hand too long when shaking his hand after service she was accused of wanting him, etc. every birthday, christmas, thanksgiving, any special occasion was always ruined with an argument from him. i could do a million things perfectly right in my athletic games and one mistake would grant me a ride home where i all my happiness was crushed by an earful of how bad of a game i had. my dad was always right, everything he thought and said was the truth regardless if he was proven wrong or not. after every argument there was sometimes an apology, (only for him to do the same thing again) or my mom and i would get our favorite icecream or bouquet of flowers the next day. it was a constantly cycle of trying to get over the last thing my dad did to hurt us. my mom put up with a lot, and stayed with my dad for the sake of the family.
around the age of 17 the emotional abuse and manipulation that I had watched happen to my mom over the years started happening to me. my dad’s jealousy, anger issues, and untrusting nature was turned up to a 10 and I suspect it was due to the meth he was caught doing. he swore he had quit after being caught, but I know he never did. he was 250 pounds and probably ways just about as much as I do now (135) just in a couple of months. he started becoming paranoid, unsafe to be around, and overall crazy. he raped my mom, he pulled a gun on my mom and I, he shut my leg in a door trying to lock himself in his room bc stole my moms credit card to prevent us from getting a hotel room for the night bc he was acting crazy, he was just doing so many things where it because unsafe for my mom and I. after he had pulled a gun on us, my mom and I filed a restraining order against him and I have not had dropped the order since.
that was back in 2022. since then, he has broken the restraining order multiple times by calling me from different phone numbers, having random people contact me telling me to text him, leaving me voicemails acting like he got into a car accident so I would call him back, send me long messages about how much he misses me and loves me but then turn around and tell me all his crazy delusions about my mom that aren’t true and say terrible things about her. I have always had this underlying fear that my dad will kill himself one day for not having me in his life. I resent him for so much and everytime I have tried to rekindle our relationship he always ruined it. for example, I answered one of his million phone calls to ask him to stop making random people text me telling me to contact him. we got into a yelling match and he ultimately told me to shut the fuck up, which I hung up the phone in response. he will do all that but in the same breath preach about how lonely and sad he is without me in his life. I feel a sense of guilt for ignoring him and cutting him out of my life but he doesn’t think anything is his fault. he doesn’t understand why I won’t talk to him regardless of how many times i tell him. he doesn’t think he has done anything wrong. he tells me all the things he’s done for me like buying me my first car, as if that is some representation of how much he loved and cared for me. I feel guilty reading all his sad messages about how he misses me, but I can’t bring myself to let him in again.
he has missed all my biggest moments because of what he has done. he missed out on my high school graduation, my senior club volleyball season, and now im in college where he is missing my college years and my college games. so much time is passing and we both know it. I just don’t think he will ever change his ways.

Welcome to the Series of Changes to be Made to the Super Smash Bros. Playable Fighters. First, we are going with the Original of the Series, Smash 64. Now, this topic has been done before, though it'd be fun to make my own. Plus, While some have got proper changes, Most still are the biggest offenders when it comes bad or outdated choices of Movesets, animations, aesthetics, etc. Here is the list of them.
Mario:

• Mario will now have his English voice from Kevin Afghani instead of Charles Martinet due to the latter retiring from his acting career.
• Mario is now able to Crawl.
• Mario now has a Water Meter from Super Mario Sunshine where by pressing the Shield Special button, the water meter refills after usage of said water.
• His Fire Mario & Wario Alt. Return.
• Down-Tilt - Roll: Performs a Roll attack.
• Side-Smash - Hammer: Swings his hammer forward.
• Up-Smash: His old Up Special, Super Jump Punch, is moved here.
• Neutral-Special - Jump Spin: Spins around himself.
• Down-Aerial - Ground Pound: Butt Stomps downward, meteor spiking & bouncing on opponents.
• Neutral-Special - Firebrand: Remains the same in function, just name change.
• Side-Special - Cappy: Tosses Cappy forward like a boomerang and/or can jump on him like an extra platform, while holding the button.
• Up-Special - Wing Cap: Spawns a Wing Cap & shoots up into the air before gliding.
• Down-Special - F.L.U.D.D: Remains the same though also it now can damage opponents and change into Nuzzle Form in the air and help him into the air.
• Left Victory Pose: Jumps to the top of a flagpole, slides down it, then hops off and happily poses

Donkey Kong:

• Donkey Kong will now have his voice from Takashi Nagasako instead of the Stupid and Bland realistic Gorilla Grunts.
• His white alt. has a blue tie, to accurately represent Super Kong.
• Neutral-Special - Coconut Shooter: Takes out His Coconut Shooter, then fires a Coconut.
• Side-Special - Barrel Throw: Picks a Barrel up then throws it forward or if in the air down, which the barrel can be picked up as item.
• Up-Special - Barrel Cannon: Enters a barrel cannon and fires himself in the direction that is input.
• Final-Smash - Finishing Blow: Starts off with landing a powerful upward punch, if success at hitting the opponent, the screen darkens then, lands a flurry of fast punches before knocking them upwards.
• Idle Animation #2: He quickly sits down and pulls out a Nintendo Switch and plays it.
• Up-Taunt: Still pounds his chest, but now hollers wildly while doing so.
• Left Victory Pose: DK rapidly punches and kicks a Slot Machine Barrel from the Retro Donkey Kong Country games, breaking it and releasing a bunch of bananas; once he's done, he lands on the ground and smiles for the camera, while giving a thumbs-up
• Right Victory Pose: He still pounds his chest, but just like his new Up-Taunt, hollers wildly.

Link:

• Link will not just use the Master Sword, he will use the Ancient Axe and Guardian Spear.
• Side-Smash - Spear Thrust: Performs a straight-forward stab with his Spear.
• Up-Smash - Vertical Spin: Jumps and Spin slashes upwards.
• Down-Smash: Spins his axe around while charging, and then slams his axe onto the ground.
• Neutral-Aerial: Spins the Axe in a circle.
• Forward-Aerial: Thrusts the spear forwards.
• Grab - Magnesis: Picks up a Magnet, then Fires two whips to grab an opponent, which can be used as a tether recovery.
• Down-Throw: Pins the opponent to the ground & stabs them with a claymore.
• Neutral-Special: Adds more arrows than just the wooden ones.
• Fire Arrows: Deal fire damage.
• Ice Arrows: Deal ice damage & freeze opponents when at high enough percentages.
• Thunder Arrows: Make a bolt of lightning strike the opponent hit, dealing electric damage.
• Bomb Arrows: Explode on contact.
• Light Arrows: Goes through opponents when fully charged.
• Ancient Arrows: Creates a massive blue explosion of energy.
• Up-Special - Sailcloth: Pulls out the Sailcloth, then goes in an updraft and afterwards goes straight down without changing direction.

Power Suit Samus:

• She is now able to switch between Plasma Beam Energy & Ice Beam Energy, by using the Shield Special Button.
• Now moves slightly faster and has more air speed.
• The Missiles do now reload when not in use or after being KO'd.
• Her green alt. is replaced by a blue and white skin, based on her default suit from Metroid Dread*.*
• Jab - Cannon Kata: Starts with a straight punch, then thrusts her arm cannon forward for the second hit and fires a small energy blast.
• Up-Tilt - Melee Counter: Swings her arm cannon upward.
• Down-Tilt - Slide: Performs a forward Slide kick.
• Dash-Attack - Dash Melee: Swings her Arm Cannon upwards while running.
• Side-Smash - Diffusion Blast: Releases an area of effect blasts at Close-ranged.
• Up-Smash - Overhead Blast: Same as Side Smash Attack but upwards.
• Neutral-Aerial: Her old Up Special, Screw Attack, is moved here.
• Forward-Aerial - Spazer Beam: Fires a blast that splits into three lasers.
• Down-Aerial - Downward Blast: Aims her Arm Cannon straight downward and releases a blast of orange energy
• Pummel - Grapple Voltage: Deals Electric Damage and heals herself somewhat.
• Back-Throw - Wave Beam: Swings the opponent behind herself & fires an energy blast in a sine curve at them.
• Neutral-Special: Also, now adds Ice Beams, where she fires an Ice Beam at the opponent, dealing ice damage & freezing them.
• Side-Special: Can depend on if it is tapped or held, where she fires one if tapped, though if held, she can shoot 5 or 10 missiles.
• Up-Special - Shinespark: Launches herself in any inputted direction as a gold shine emerges.
• Down-Special: Also, now adds Freeze Fields, where she summons 3 spinning ice projectiles that block attacks & freeze opponents.
• Final-Smash - Hyper Beam: Charges her arm cannon & fires a large beam of energy, which can be angled & can go through opponents & walls.

Yoshi:

• His Black Yoshi alt. returns.
• Yoshi can now hold to six eggs he creates with his Neutral Special.
• Grab: Remains the same although it can also now be used a tether recovery and a ledge clinger.
• Neutral-Special: Functions the same but it also now can be used as a tether recovery and a ledge clinger and also can now grab items and projectiles.
• Side-Special: His old Up Special, Egg Throw, is moved here and a reticle also appears and can be angled before being thrown.
• Up-Special - Wing Flutter: Small wings emerge from his back as he flaps into the air.
• Down-Special - Ground Pound: Beginning of the move's function is the same, but it now has the ability to Meteor Spike and Bounce on opponents. Also, Name is changed.

Kirby:

• Kirby's Gimmick now consists of the Copy Abilities from the Kirby Games instead of Copied Neutral Specials.
• Down-Tilt - Slide Kick: Performs a forward Sliding Kick.
• Dash-Attack: His Brawl & Smash 4 Dash Attack, Break Spin, is back and functions the same as it did in Brawl & Smash 4.
• Side-Smash - Staff: Swings the Staff forward.
• Up-Smash - Yo-Yo: Spins the Yo-Yo upwards, then brings it back to him.
• Down-Smash - Bell: Performs a spin and then strikes on both sides of him with his bells, creating 2 damaging soundwaves.
• Forward-Throw - Giant Swing: Does a giant swing forward.
• Back-Throw - Air Suplex: Does a backwards Suplex.
• Up-Throw - Ultra Back Breaker: Jumps, spins around & lands to the ground with the opponent for an explosion.
• Down-Throw - Megaton Slam: Lifts the opponent up & then throws them onto the ground.
• Neutral-Special: Name & Function remain the same though now it also functions like it does in the Kirby Games.
• Side-Special - Circus: Does two short somersaults and backsaults back to where he started the attack.
• Up-Special - Hi-Jump: Jumps high into the air and turns left or right and can collide with opponents along the way.
• Down-Special: The Move Stays but with some tweaks here and there as Stone can now slide temporarily while dashing and using the move.
• Final-Smash - Paint Out: Sprays blobs of paint all over, causing damage and knockback to opponents.

Fox:

• Final-Smash - Arwing: Says "It's go time", then hops aboard on the arwing, then goes into First-Person Perspective and fires arwing shots and smart bombs.

Pikachu:

• Pikachu will also now have alternate colors instead of Headwear, although its Pikachu Libre costume remains. Its alternate colors include Blue (Marill), Gray (Togedemaru), White (Pachirisu), Orange (Raichu),
• Dash-Attack - Wild Charge: Shrouds in electricity, while charging at the opponent and smashes into them. It may inflict self-damage though.
• Up-Tilt - Thunder Punch: Punches with large hands of electricity upwards.
• Up-Smash - Iron Tail: Remains the same in function, but it also now glows whitish gray and hits a bit harder.
• Neutral-Aerial - Discharge: Lets loose some of its electricity to strike at all opponents.
• Neutral-Special - Electro Ball: Its body becomes surrounded in yellow electricity and multiple yellow sparks come off its body. The electricity then condenses at the middle of its face and forms into an Orange-yellow ball, then fires the ball at the opponent.
• Side-Special - Zippy Zap: Charges up electricity as it's surrounded by electricity after charge. If charged, it goes farther faster dash forwards. If Uncharged however, it makes a quick short dash forwards.
• Final-Smash - Volt Tackle: Electrifies its entire body and blast forwards like a super-charged projectile and If it manages to hit an opponent, a large electrical explosion comes upon impact, launching nearby fighters, also dealing electric damage.

Luigi:

• Like Mario, Luigi will now have his voice from Kevin Afghani instead of Charles Martinet due to the latter retiring from his acting career.
• Luigi is now able to Wall Jump.
• Luigi has the Elemental Medals Meter, which he can have his Poltergeist-00 switch by using the Shield Special, and can also refill the meter of the Element by using said button.
• Side-Smash - Hammer: Swings his hammer forward.
• Down-Aerial - Ground Pound: Butt Stomps downward, meteor spiking & bouncing on opponents.
• Neutral-Aerial - Jump Spin: Spins around himself.
• Neutral-Special - Thunderhand: Fires an Electricity Ball from his hand, dealing electric damage.
• Side-Special - Spin Tornado: Winds Up and Spins Forward, generating a tornado that covers him completely then dealing multiple Hits toward opponents in the way before launching them.
• Down-Special - Elemental Medals: Do specific attacks, all of which have a meter.
• Water: Deals water damage.
• Ice: Deals ice damage and can freeze opponents
• Fire: Deals fire damage.
• Down-Taunt: Luigi will briefly wear the Poltergust G-00 and flash the Strobulb in front of him to see if it's working properly. Opponents right in front of Luigi when he flashes the Strobulb will get stunned momentarily, as if their Shield was just broken.

Ness:

• When Ness hits the opponent with his Baseball Bat while his Side Smash is fully charged**,** the SMAAAASH!!! Text box appears.
• Down-Smash - Paralysis: Deals stun damage with his PSI.
• Neutral-Special - Slingshot: Pulls out a slingshot, then fires a Slingshot projectile, which can be aimed forwards, upwards or downwards.
• Side-Special: His old Neutral Special, PK Flash, is moved here and now he can fire it.
• Down-Special - Lifeup: Heals damage with his PSI.
• Final-Smash - PSI Rockin' Ω: Fires a PSI burst forward & creates several psychic fireworks on any caught opponents before releasing a larger burst.

Captain Falcon:

• Neutral-Special - Pistol: Pulls out a pistol, then shoots an energy blast, dealing electric damage.

Jigglypuff:

• Jigglypuff now has alternate colors instead of Headwear. These Alternate Colors include Blue (Marill), Black (Gastly), Beige (Rowlet), Gray (Togedemaru), Green (Solosis), Purple (Koffing) and Light-Yellow (Togepi).
• Jab - Double Slap: Performs two alternating slaps forward, which can be used five times.
• Side-Tilt - Uproar: Causes an Uproar, making sound waves come out of its mouth at the opponent.
• Up-Tilt - Mega Punch: Performs a strong punch with its right hand upwards.
• Down-Tilt - Round: Takes a quick breath, then fires a high-pitched blast of sound from its mouth.
• Dash-Attack - Take Down: Recklessly charges at the opponent, dealing damage.
• Side-Smash - Focus Punch: Punches opponents with a high amount of force.
• Up-Smash - Drain Punch: Punches with its fists upwards,
• Down-Smash - Frustration: Slams its hand onto the ground in anger.
• Neutral-Aerial - Gyro Ball: Gets surrounded by a metallic aura, then spins rapidly and slams the opponent.
• Forward-Aerial - Brick Break: Performs a forward swing chop.
• Back-Aerial - Mega Kick: Performs a strong backwards kick.
• Up-Aerial - Icy Wind: Releases a wind of Ice from its mouth upwards, dealing ice damage and freezing opponents.
• Down-Aerial - Body Slam: Falls downward onto the opponent, also meteor spiking them.
• Pummel: Its Old Side Special, Pound, is moved here and now it just punches the opponent.
• Forward-Throw - Zen Headbutt: Headbutts opponents with psychic willpower, launching them away.
• Back-Throw - Fling: Picks the opponent up, then throws them.
• Up-Throw - Psychic: Holds the opponent in place with its mind, then throws them upward.
• Down-Throw: Its old Neutral Special, Rollout, is moved here and turns itself into a boulder, then pins the opponent down and rolls on their back.
• Neutral-Special - Disarming Voice: Lets out a Charm Cry that does emotional damage to the opponent.
• Side-Special - Dazzling Gleam: Emits a Powerful Flash.
• Up-Special - Bounce: Jumps into the air, then lands back on the opponents or stages, bouncing on the opponent and/or stage, which when landing and bouncing on the opponent, it can use other attacks, but when landing on the stage instead of opponent it can't directly attack again.
• Down-Special: Its old Up Special, Sing, is moved here.
• Final-Smash - Hyper Voice: Inhales a bunch of air, inflating her balloon-like body a bit, before letting out a loud attack that uses sound waves & blasts opponents backwards quite a distance.
• Side-Taunt: The animation remains exactly the same, but sparkly energy now surrounds her body
• Up Victory Pose: Jigglypuff twirls around like a ballerina as sparkly energy surrounds her body, before hopping on one leg and posing for the camera.

And, there you go. This took a little while, though i hope you to hear your feelings about these changes (as long as your reasons are good). Any changes that you want to see to the Original 12 that I didn't mention, or did I misplace some moves? or did I add a change that was unnecessary to some of you? It'd be cool to see what other people can come up with.

This is my first ever Reddit post and I’m posting to see some fresh perspectives. Any advice or help is welcome. Thank you.
I’ve been in a relationship for over 2 years now, and I can honestly say it has been the best time of my life. This woman helped me find myself and helped shape me into the man I am today. She always tries her best to listen to my problems, but lately I’ve been getting the feeling it’s too much for her. Which is why I’ve came to Reddit for help. (I’ve talked with my parents and a school therapist about this as well)
I’ve always had problems with anxiety. Ever since I was little I’ve cared far too much about what people think of me. It’s a problem that’s kind of taken a backseat these past few years, but has recently come up in a bunch of different ways. For around 7 months now, my relationship has been hindered by my chronic overthinking, 100% of the time wondering where she is and what she’s doing. I know that I can’t always know this, as that is controlling behavior, but it still upsets me deeply. Every scenario, such as being active on social media at the same time as guys I’m uncomfortable with, or not answering my texts when she is active on that app, makes me panic a bit. Instead of logically assuming she’s answering somebody else or just hasn’t opened my text yet, I always find the most catastrophic situation possible, like cheating. Even as I’m writing this, I’m wondering what guys she could be texting at that moment. I often have to talk to my girlfriend about these issues, and I often take her feelings for granted and I think it’s draining her to the point where I don’t think she can handle this as long as she thinks she can.
Let me give you an example of my head (For context, my girlfriend has just graduated and I am still in school.)
A couple of days ago, I was sitting in class with the knowledge that my girlfriend was going to be hanging out playing sports with her best friend (F) and a couple of guys, all of whom are her classmates. I end up learning that her best friend decided to stay at home, leaving her and these guys. I then learn that they are all planning on getting food at a restaurant in a neighboring tow. They get food, come back, then I learn that they are again playing sports, and after that is done, my girlfriend gives one of the guys a ride home as he does not have a car. Through no fault of my girlfriend, I’m learning all this new stuff through gapped texts, partly due to connection issues.
To most, this is just a normal day with nothing that could have happened. But my mind is not so simple. Let me take you through my thought process throughout the day.
First, let me go over one of her friends in particular, Fred (name change ofc). Fred has exhibited odd behavior since the start of the school year towards me and my girlfriend, and I don’t know if I’m justified in saying he has a crush on her. Please give me your thoughts. To my face Fred has called her the most beautiful girl in the school, knowing she was my girlfriend. He mentions her in class to me whenever he can bring her up, often unnecessarily. He sends her songs to listen to, and starts unnecessary text conversations stemming from questions he or she asked. Just after they got done as a group, he immediately sends her a video of a song and tries to initiate conversation, which she tries her best to shut down. After trying to shut it down, he then asks her if she’d want to get a group together and hang out again. How do you think me and my girlfriend should handle the situation? Any attempt at telling her anything about it makes me feel controlling and manipulative.
For context, Fred happens to be the friend my girlfriend drove home.
Back to the example, me learning that her female best friend was not there made me feel as if something was instantly going on, or that she planned this on purpose to be alone with Fred. Then when I learn she’s getting lunch with the guys, I feel as if she’s letting me go, while also wondering if she’s sitting next to Fred on the ride there. While they’re eating, I’m thinking about who she’s sitting next to and why it’s taking them so long to eat. When they return from the restaurant and are playing sports again I freak out wondering if this was her choice and if she’s using this as an excuse to be close to Fred or some guy that’s there now I don’t know about. By this point I’m out of school and at home, where I am trying to text her, but because she’s playing sports, she’s not answering her phone. Instead of thinking this, my already full head assumes something more is going on or that she’s not answering on purpose cause she knows I’m freaking out. By this point, Im in full panic mode, checking her location as often as possible, and after a short break, I see she is at Fred’s house. Her location is pinged there longer than it normally should be, and this just about sends me over the edge. Images of them kissing in the car or laughing while having good conversation pop into my head, and at this point there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I text her asking her what she’s doing, trying to almost set her up for a lie or expect the worst answer. When I do confront her about her location being there, she gives me a very logical, yet not complete answer, still allowing my mind to run free and wild. Looking back on it I honestly handled the situation very toxically, but in the moment I had no better ideas. Please tell me how I can react to these situations more calmly. I’d like to point out I’ve never outright accused her of cheating on me, but I have told her when it seems like at least a semi-rational scenario(even if it’s not).
So yeah, that’s what my brain thought of a seemingly normal day for my girlfriend was like. Please feel free to give suggestions on how I can change my behavior effectively. Also tell me if you think my girlfriend can change her behavior to help me.
These snowballing thoughts happen from the tiniest of things, and I need help stopping them before they begin. One of my main concerns is a trip my girlfriend is taking this summer, which includes Fred. There’s a high likelihood I’ll never see Fred again after this trip, and I’m worried he’ll make his move. I would love to say I trust my girlfriend, but in all honesty, for no reason at all I can’t trust her. She’s given me 0 reason to not trust her, and honestly I’m more scared of him making a move than her accepting it.
I’ve put thought into this, and I have 2 reasons. 1. Self-Confidence I am not ugly by any means, but lately because of my issues and changing appearance,I think I’ve started to get worried on whether or not I’m good enough for my girlfriend. 2. Fear of Loss One of the causes for lack of trust could be that I’m scared of losing her. Meaning I don’t want to completely latch onto her in case she hurts me. But I also feel Ive latched onto her too tight in other aspects of our relationship.
I know this post is extremely long, and I don’t think this encompasses everything I’m dealing with, so if you need more context feel free to message or leave a comment.
Thank you for your time.

I (25F) have been friends with this guy since college so almost 7 years now. They have always been a great, fun friend, but recently since they came out of the closet and started dating openly I’m starting to see an incredibly ugly side to them.
Recently, he informed me that he was going through a 6 month break up which made no sense to me because I never heard of a relationship he got into officially. Turns out, in an effort to stalk a previous guy he dated for 3 months but got dumped by, he created a fake dating profile and ended up matching with someone else. To which they ended up forming a 6 month official relationship and developing feelings of love for each other — all while he was using a fake profile.
After 6 months, he finally confessed and to no one’s surprise, the other guy ended things citing that it would be too weird for him to get to know the real person, but that he understood why he did it and harbors no bad feelings towards my friend. The guy had also lied about his age saying he’s embarrassed by his lack of experience as his age, and also went behind my friend’s back to go on another date. All in all, lots of lying. My friend swore they needed to focus on themselves and not date.!Thought it would end here.
But it doesn’t.
My friend then makes yet ANOTHER fake profile to find the guy and exact revenge for lying about going on another date and “preying on young students” by faking his age (He’s 31 pretending to be 25). Did I mention the guy is also not fully out yet?
He finally matches with the guy and tries to threaten him saying he knows his friends and his real age and stops replying. The guy then frantically texts my friend asking him not to say anything worried about being outed. My friend seems to not be concerned by this because he thinks the guy is only concerned about being outed for “preying on students” because it’ll hurt his chances as an aspiring singer (clearly lacking respect for any career that isn’t “esteemed white collar jobs”).
I said multiple times that they really need therapy and that tormenting someone is not the answer to heal from hurt. But I felt constantly dismissed as he continued to acknowledge how toxic and insane his actions are in a joking way.
I was so stunned by all of this and that I was putting my mental energy into someone who will not listen to me who simply wants to help him be better and not hurt others. I mean, catfishing someone for 6 months to the point they tell you they love you feels utterly insane to me. And then to go and torment the guy even more even insinuating he may out him? No matter the reason, this kind of stuff ruins peoples lives. I’m still reeling over the fact that someone I’ve known for so long can stoop to this level.
I really want to distance myself and end the friendship but we have a concert next week and some of our social circles from college still overlap. I can’t deal with that awkwardness of confrontation but holy shit. This all feels so insane.

I purchased a soundbar from Vizio, the SB36512-F6, years ago, for around $500.
This soundbar had some minor problems initially that Vizio attempted to correct over time with firmware updates. As this is the norm with modern technology, I trusted that they would eventually rectify the small problems. Unfortunately, the problems became worse with each new release, introducing new problems. Unbelievably, the last firmware update Vizio released was pulled after a few days, as it was significantly worse than the other releases. Those of us who updated (which was an automatic process if you connected your soundbar to the internet) are stuck, as Vizio has no method of downgrading firmware.
Amazingly, they simply gave up on the entire series. No firmware improvements has been made available since the last (which they pulled), two years ago.
I have been stubbornly fighting with this device all this time, because it can work, and when it does, it's great. But I am really frustrated that Vizio basically made my experience with this device worse over time, and then abandoned it.
I'm wondering what suggestions others might have for such a scenario. I can dig up dozens (if not hundreds) of comments from owners of this series of sound bar (on reddit, facebook, AVS forum, etc.) with similar anecdotes. I can also film my own experience, showing the different problems occurring and the steps I need to take on a regular basis to accommodate/resolve them.
Is that my best recourse? Doing so, and then suing Vizio in small claims court?
In the grand scheme of things, $500 isn't really much. I could simply buy another soundbar. Honestly, it's just the fucking principle of the matter--the fact that Vizio left me (and a bunch of others) stranded after spending our money with them makes me angry.
For context, here's a link to the Vizio subreddit regarding the last (official) firmware for this series: https://www.reddit.com/VIZIO_Official/comments/qryabs/sb3651_and_sb4651_f6g6_firmware_update_v131061/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Edit: As an example of the problems this soundbar faces, when I adjust the volume up or down, I need to mute and then unmute in order for it to apply the volume change. It also periodically will not recognize input from my TV (power on to a black screen.) It will also occasionally fail to handshake with my Chromecast with Google TV (plugged directly into the soundbar), and will tell the CCGTV that the soundbar isn't capable of Dolby Atmos decoding (so only 5.1 shows up in content, and if played, plays 5.1 audio instead of Atmos, which is easily discernible as an LED on the soundbar lights up white or teal depending on the audio encoding being decoded.) These problems can generally be resolved by unplugging and replugging the soundbar (reboot), which implies to me that it's a handshake or memory leak issue (as after a reboot, it will work fine, until the next day, where these problems occur again, and I have to start over.)

hello!! as the title suggests I believe I could have pcos (and/or endometriosis). to start with my period has always been somewhat regular up until december of 2023 (4 months ago). Recently, my cycles have been fluctuating from 21-37 days with extremely weird symptoms. for example, this period I still haven’t gotten but I am suffering from horrible cramps , and constant brown spotting (pregnancy test negative). Despite this I have always experienced horrible cramps. about 6-7 years ago I was on hormonal birth control and even then I had cramps that made me light headed and sweat from the pain. In 2021 I got a copper IUD which made my cramps worse, and I have since been put on a medication I have to take days before my suspected period to help with pain from cramps. When I get cramps, they are so debilitating all I can do is sit there, bend over and breathe through them. they make me insanely sweaty and dizzy from the pain.
Two main points I can remember is that one time I was not on my period or around ovulation, and I was getting such intense waves of pain that I thought my appendix burst. This ended up with me going to the ER, and since they couldn’t find anything except elevated white blood cells they suggested it could have been an ovarian cyst. The second one is I gained insulin resistance in 2020 and was put onto metformin - but they couldn’t find any metabolic reason that could have caused it. I have since stopped taking metformin and my insulin levels are normal.
I also get weird dark, long hairs on my neck and chin, my skin is always oily, and I feel it’s so difficult to lose weight around my stomach. Any advice on what you guys think could be going on would be so appreciated, and if any clarification is needed please let me know :)

Hey guys, just a heads up this post is going to long cause I have got no one who I can talk about it so I’m here for your help. This is my first time sharing my problems online so forgive me for the mistakes if i made any!. So I’m 20M and my gf 19F are in a relationship for almost 2 n half years, will be 3 soon, and are friends for 4 years. So she propsed me in jr.college, and i told her that i'll give answer but I took some time to think about it cause of her past and when her old relationship got exposed, she bro zoned me, then after some months of her breakup, she told me that she loved me, and due to her having many exes, i was hesitant but then I also loved her so I accepted, then after 8 to 9 months of being together everything was normal, then came the LDR and everything went downhill, we are in ldr for almost 1 n half year, in this period, she became so over possessive towards me that she didn't give me my space like for example, there was this friend of mine of 3 years, male friend, we were close like brothers, and used to hang out with him 3 times a week, then when she came in my life, i was still going but idk wtf happened to her, she told me to break the friendship and why? cause she didn't think he was a good influence on m.,
I was so frustrated with what she told me to do but my dumbass still did it which i regret terribly now, then we are a group of 5 friends, 2F and 3M, including her, so in the ldr i used to meet my male friends but then she also got insecure about them, so i just go to meet them very rarely, i need to tell her each and everything like what im doing now, or what will i do, it's okay for some extent but this has crossed limits, she even gets angry when i spend time with my family like yesterday my family and i was out for dinner around 9 Pm, she didn't texted me for 1 hour then at 10 she texted and i also replied, she got angry on me saying can't you finish your dinner in 1 hour, i was like wtf?? first she restrict me spending time with my friends and now even with my family, i was so angry, i told her wtf are u talking about, atleast let me spend some time with my family, but then she told i texted you cause i have a headache, i have got no one, like giving me the guilt, everytime when i go out wiht my family, she does this, so i have stopped going outside, i go outside just for college then come home, she didn't even let me hangout with my college friends, which is so frustrating sometimes, I have also hurted her I accept that but i never did anything like this, i never told her to cut off your friends for me, and when she goes out, she's off the whole time, she texts me for some time then go off for the rest, i tell her to go enjoy but when it's my time she get possessive and wants me to be constantly on and talking with her, I have tried to break up earlier but she hit's herself, or starts crying that she has watched dreams of us settling down, i have no problem in that but i cant live like this, i cant explore, i cant go out, she tell me to wait, after she is permanent in my life, we can do, but that has long time we are in 20's now, she doesnt understand that.
so she doesnt even let me try and if i did she fights with me on extreme level and due to this i have gave up almost everything, like going on family trips or going out with my friends, etc i gave them shitty reasons everytime, and she kind off had a rough childhood so i dont want to hurt her but i cant live like this, where i cant do anything for myself, all i had to do is think about her everytime i do something, and imagine even the small things like going out shopping for home needs etc, i cant even sit alone for few minutes to think, and she tells me she wants to marry me, she loves me and she does, but she's like this, i also want a gf but i also want my life, where i can do anything i want, not cheating or going against her let me clear, and do whatever i feel like doing, and i tell her to do this and she does but when its my time, she doesn't let me do and everytime we fight and nowadays the fights cross the extreme level, I have a thinking that everyone has their own life, no matter how much you love them or they love me, but in my case, my life is her's and i have no interest to make her life mine, cause ik how hurt it feels when some one else do the decision making for you or your life Should i break up with her? but how as i said i have tried many times but she ends up crying loudly, or convincing me to stay, or says that she'll change but she never does and she doesn't even really try to change, i had some drawbacks myself, but im trying to change them like im more of a practical person than a emotional one, so i try as much possible to give the love and care to her as she needs but every time she finds faults, like wrong timing of that or didn't met her expectations or doing something else when she needs something else. I really need help in this one, cause i dont think i can handle this alone, i hope you all got an idea of what im facing
Thank you for all the help, if i left anything imp, i'll add it but for now this is it Forgive me for such a long post
TL;DR - What to do if you are in a toxic relationship and how to end it

Feeling shit from constant rejection, making me think dating is pure luck.
I posted this as a comment in a previous post, but would love some advice from the 3% community, especially dudes who were in my situation. I would like some help. For context, I'm 21 , still going to college and read his book 5 times.
I've been doing this for 1.5 years with no results. I managed to make great friends who truly care about me, got an internship with a company who values my time, managed to become fit , and I'm not too afraid to hit on girls or talk to people in general (couldn't even talk to people on the phone back in the day). Out of the 15 girls I asked out who matched my list, I got rejected by all of them, it hurts.
It hurts when you see guys who don't know any of this material, are looks challenged, managed to get girls who looks wise match the perfect girl on my list. I'm not ugly, I've been told that I'm decent looking in looks, especially when I was fit. The only draw back I can think of is that I'm Indian origin living in a white country (NZ), (lived here 20 yrs now) but I'm not insecure of my race at all.
I texted this girl who seemed very receptive and laughed at all my jokes this past week. Showed signs of attractions, talked a lot when I asked her questions, and showed no resistance when I asked for her number. She never texted back. Shit broke me. This situation happens to all the previous girls I've asked out before, very receptive (flirting, ask questions, smiling) but never make it to a first date (usually they're taken).
I tried to use dating apps and I got no likes or anything. Bought premium, took good pictures, expanded my preferences, still got nothing. I have friends who have worse profiles than me, don't know anything of the material Corey teaches, and they managed to get dates with some cute girls. They also managed to finally end their dry spell after many years, I'm proud for my boys, but it irks me that I try so hard, but got zero results.
I know dating is a numbers game, but it hurts knowing that I read all this material, improved everywhere in my life, but still haven't gotten a date in these past 1.5 years. The last girl I dated was pure luck, she matched what I liked at the time, was the first girl I asked out, and managed to date her for a year. I would think with all the knowledge and improvement I got, I should have an easier chance to get dates, but nothing ever came up. This just makes me believe dating is just pure luck, if you don't have luck in there, it's gonna be rough. I don't think guys my age put as much effort as I did, and they managed to get the type of women they like.
When it comes to class, I have only a little fear to sit next to the pretty girls, talk to them, and ask for their number. When it comes to asking for the date, that's where it ends, either they're not interested or have a boyfriend (they actually do on their socials so not lying). It hurts that I can never pass that part and manage to get a first date.
I know attraction is a choice, no matter what I do, girls will either like me or not. But doesn't this just show me that dating is just luck? That I have be to lucky to find a woman who actually likes me?
I'm thinking of getting therapy to help me mentally, I have been feeling shit about this. Sorry if this sounds negative. I will still continue to follow Corey's advice and help others who need help in their dating life. I would like some advice to my conundrum.

Hello people of this sub so for context, my friend and i have always been joking about being in a couple. We call each other cheesy name as a joke and we text like a cheesy couple, but lately she’s been sending suspicious things.
For example, she send me cute couple vids saying “us <3” or she send vids that’s says “romantic dinner?”
NOW IM CONFUSED, I DONT KNOW IF SHE SEND THIS AS A JOKE OR NO and i’m scared to make a move cause shes like my best friend and i don’t want her to be mad at me. I feel that we are too deep in the couple joke and that i don’t know anymore if she’s really being flirty or if it’s just for the joke.
I know you guys don’t know my friend and you probably can’t help me, but i needed to talk about this so i chose this sub cause you guys are cool and kind.

As the title states, (and despite the existential risk to myself - as I am disabled, impoverished, and my survival is reliant on the room I rent in her attic - given her recent threat to have have me thrown out by the police because she could not handle the feelings she had during the argument that she initiated), I have finally drawn a bright red line in the metaphorical sand regarding her treatment of me. This is the culmination of 8+ years of sustained, one-sided, unreciprocated, and unsuccessful effort on my part to sustain, salvage, repair, or improve our "relationship"
 
I've learned a lot from the stories and people on this subreddit, and I know if anyone can understand the way that I'm feeling about this it's you guys.
 
Any input, commentary, criticism, insight, commiseration, etc, is very welcome, and I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read it.
 
Anyways, enough preamble, here's the letter in all of my ridiculously-verbose inglory (the square-bracketed disclaimers, etc, were part of the letter as delivered to her, since she is selective illiterate whenever there's something she doesn't like):
 
[START]
 
[This document begins with a 382 word AI-generated summary (titled "AI- GENERATED SUMMARY:" below the square-bracketed opening remarks), estimated at 1m23s time required to read. If you are unable or unwilling to make it through even this brief summary, then there is literally nothing else I could possibly do to assist in your comprehension of my positions. The full message following the summary is approximately 2100 words, estimated at approximately 8 minutes to read.]
 
[If you would like assistance in understanding things I've written that you're struggling to interpret or comprehend, you can go to chatgpt.com (no account necessary), or download the ChatGPT app from the Google Play Store on your phone. You can simply interact with the chat in natural language (in other words, type as though you were texting another person) and it will understand what you are saying. If you are struggling to understand how to interact with it effectively, you can simply inform it of that (in any wording you choose) and it will assist you with altering your approach to receive more effective results.]
 
AI-GENERATED SUMMARY:
 
Your son's message is a powerful declaration of his boundaries, grievances, and intentions within your relationship. Here's a breakdown to help you understand:
 
Preface: He advises you to read with an open mind and, if needed, with assistance due to the emotional complexity.
 
Declaration of Disengagement: He firmly states his decision to disengage from any form of interaction or acknowledgment outside of essential landlord-tenant matters.
 
Condemnation of Abuse: He accuses you of perpetuating a cycle of abuse that has deeply impacted his health and stability.
 
Rejection of Coercion: He dismisses the idea that being evicted is a viable solution to the abuse, highlighting the coercive nature of such a choice, and how it leaves him vulnerable to further harm.
 
Criticism of Your Behavior: He unreservedly condemns your actions, particularly your exploitation and manipulation, emphasizing the gravity and effects of your conduct.
 
Challenges to Your Claims: He directly confronts your claims regarding his efforts in the relationship, asserting that he has consistently made extensive attempts to maintain it, despite your accusations to the contrary.
 
Commitment to Compliance: He unequivocally affirms his commitment to compliance with all landlord-related demands, demonstrating his unwavering respect for your authority as the homeowner.
 
Demand for Clarity: He demands clear and unambiguous knowledge of the requisite terms when any changes to living arrangement paradigms are demanded, underscoring his willingness to comply with any directives you may issue.
 
Defense Against Gaslighting: He firmly asserts his unwavering commitment to respecting your property and authority, preemptively refuting any attempts to accuse him otherwise.
 
Insights into Your Behaviour: He offers insights into patterns in your behaviour, linking them to moments of vulnerability or distress in your life.
 
Call for Self-Reflection: He urges you to seek professional help for your narcissism and unresolved childhood traumas.
 
Caution Regarding Gravity: He states that failing to address your responsibilities would be a missed opportunity for both of you to salvage the relationship and resolve underlying issues.
 
Reiteration of Hope: Despite his current stance, he leaves the door open for reconciliation if you undergo necessary personal growth.
 
Closure on Unequal Effort: He firmly states that he can no longer sustain the one-sided effort in the relationship and won't continue to do so.
 
It's evident that he's deeply hurt and demanding acknowledgment, change, and resolution in your relationship.
 
[end of AI-generated summary; my full, non-AI-generated message follows below]
 
[I recommend that you read this in its entirety at a time and capacity level where your literacy and comprehension are at their highest level, and preferably with the interpretational assistance of a knowledgeable and competent support person or technological assistant.]
 
[Presumably, after reading a few sentences or less, your defense mechanisms will be activated and you will eject. However, as with the vast majority of the things I have said to you that have gone unacknowledged, I am completely certain that the contents are cogent and comprehensible, and I believe that with competent support and vulnerable effort you undoubtedly have the raw cognitive capacity necessary for comprehension if you are able to stabilize your emotional reactions and put real effort into the actions necessary for you to understand my words.]
 
I will not talk to you.
I will not look at you.
I will not approach you.
I will not acknowledge you.
 
If you attempt to interact with me on any interpersonal level not related to your role as a landlord, I will reserve the right to express just how fucking despicable it is to treat such a vulnerable person with such utter disregard and abuse for so fucking long.
 
The cycle of abuse you have maintained to destabilize me for your own pathological reasons has caused - and continues to cause - extensive damage to my health, stability, and existence. However, since I know your response to this would likely be some variation of "you're not a victim here [my name], so if I treat you so bad, just leave", I'll preemptively and unequivocally condemn such coercive and abusive tactics, and state again (as I did the other day), that the forced choice between your abuse and life-threatening-homelessness is obviously no choice at all, and leaves me perpetually subject to your coercion and abusive control.
 
Such exploitation by you is absolutely disgusting, and honestly I understand why you run away from yourself at every single instance where you're in danger of having your lifelong house-of-cards ego even slightly threatened. I know if I treated another human being the way you treat me for even a moment, let alone for the literal years you have done so, I would not be able to face myself in the mirror either. You should be fucking ashamed of yourself.
 
You say I "don't want to be your son anymore", as though it has been someone other than me making hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of hours of efforts and attempts in order to try and single-handedly keep our relationship alive, and as though it has been someone other than you who has stonewalled me for years about every single legitimate and valid time I attempted to gain even the slightest foothold as a full human being in the owner-pet relationship you have fought so hard to maintain. You siphon, in fact demand, emotional supply whenever you so choose, and then fucking discard me as soon as it appears that I might do anything that would result in you losing even a fraction of a percent of the 99% to 1% imbalance you believe is an immutable part of our "relationship".
 
I will do my absolute best to be in my room as much as physically possible when you are home, so as to minimize the need to be physically adjacent to you in the course of our respective activities of daily living.
 
I, again, remain unequivocally committed to my position of deference and compliance towards any rules/demands related to my existence, presence, or activities as your tenant.
 
As you refuse to provide any sort of unambiguous guidance or clarification whatsoever regarding your shifting demands affecting my ability to access/perform basic activities of daily living, I will continue to act in good faith with respect to my adherence to all previously-established arrangements and protocols (whether codified or de facto) regarding such activities. To the full extent of my abilities, and to the extent that it is physically possible, I will immediately and unequivocally comply with any alterations, additions, or excisions you choose to impose regarding the nature of our physical coexistence as landlord and tenant, regardless of your disregard or intent for any harm to my stability that will ensue as a result.
 
If you intend to attempt to manipulate or threaten or gaslight me to illegitimately and dishonestly accuse me of failing to comply with your rights and demands as the homeownelandlord, then I can assure you that such efforts will be ineffective and inadvisable. The extensive history of my genuine, documented, and unwavering commitment to absolute respect of your home, property, and landlord-tenant authority is unassailable, and nothing has or will change about the good faith nature of my efforts to simply live peacefully and work on stabilizing my health and continuing to attempt to develop basic protocols that offer me the opportunity to seek the ways and means required to sustainably exist, survive, and seek meaning and fulfilment as a human being.
 
To try and make it a bit more bite-sized (without warranty as to the efficacy of said efforts), since I know when your ego is threatened you conveniently - and dishonestly - become completely unable to read a couple thousand words:
 

• I have never been more disgusted by the actions of anyone or anything more in my entire fucking existence.

 

• I will continue to be an absolute model tenant, despite the harmful effects of your constant abuse, and I will unequivocally comply with any demands you make with your authority as my landlord. I will explicitly and aggressively defend against any attempts to gaslight me, or attempt to dishonestly accuse me of failing to comply with any such demands.

 

• Feel free at anytime in your life to decide that maybe it might be time to face the fact that - though skillful in your delusion - you are the same scared child you were 40 years ago, and if you ever want to truly and meaningfully experience what it's like to be secure with yourself beneath the false veneer of superficial and ego-protecting interactions you surround yourself with at the exclusion of true and honest existential vulnerability, then you need to seek, engage with, and be honest and vulnerable with, professional clinical care for your intractable narcissism and the lifelong effects and deficits associated with same. In other words, to reductively and rhetorically restate what you disgustingly told me the other day as a means of deflecting from the fact that you couldn't go more than two seconds without contradicting yourself, “get your fucking meds adjusted”.

 

• When faced with any sort of challenge to your control or authority, your lifelong fear of abandonment has caused you to push people away before they have the opportunity to leave you, resulting in premature, self-created, and misdirected sabotage of significant relationships at the first sign of disturbance or genuine vulnerability. I know you're terrible at recognizing or interpreting patterns or facts, but think, for example, about when your efforts to remove me from your life and/or house have been at their most intense:

 

• (a) in 2016(ish) when conflicts about my role in helping with the [redacted address][job of cleaning out my grandpa's apartment after Alzheimer's took hold] triggered feelings of grief and fear in you at the decline of your father's health and the inevitability of his then-upcoming death,

 

• (b) in late 2019 through 2020ish, in the leadup to and aftermath of your father's death, where you threatened or demanded my removal from your house during damn-near every single minor conflict about utterly insignificant household disputes. The vulnerability and grief you felt surrounding his death triggered the core-level unresolved sense of abandonment you carry as a result of the lack of parental affection you received because of, inter alia, the level of care required by your [editor's note: dying of CF as a teenager] sister and resultant lack of parental support available to you as a result,

 

• (c) in 2021ish, surrounding your mother's acute medical events and her subsequent death, where your treatment of me followed effectively the same patterns and underlying causes as the item above (sans explicit threats of eviction, opting instead for the more oblique and covert references that have been your MO until the recent regression to explicit threats within the past few days).

 

• (d) in 2024, surrounding the final decline and subsequent death of [dog], where all of the same behaviours described above returned and steadily escalated, culminating in telling me to get the fuck out of your house because I wouldn't stop moving some boxes for 30 minutes, and then telling me that you were going to call the police to have me removed from your house as a result of your inability to force me to stop making accurate statements that damaged your ego and need for unquestioned interpersonal control in your self-appointed role as the sole ruler of the relational hierarchy you fought so hard to maintain.

 

• You need to actively and vulnerably seek and participate in professional clinical treatment for the lifelong effects of the hollow narcissism that has maladaptively protected you from your deepest childhood injuries and vulnerabilities, at the expense of truly genuine connection with, at the very least, your firstborn and only son.

 

• [note that the contents of this bullet point are neither a threat of suicide, nor an indication of any intent whatsoever to harm myself or others. I am including this disclaimer to preemptively remove your ability to selectively manipulate my words in order to further gaslight me]
  If you want me gone from your house, and life (and possibly my own life, given the extreme existential risk posed by homelessness for a vulnerable person with the significant disabilities I am faced with), then you will have to have me physically removed from your house in cold blood, and until the day you (or I, depending on the order) die you will live with that being the last time you ever saw the son that you took for granted and abused for 32 fucking years while he groveled at your feet begging for even scraps of affection or humanity from the person who constantly love-bombed and discarded him at her convenience to serve her own narcissistic desires worth no regard for the whole entire person she was subjugating to the role of, barely, a pet.
  

 

• Be aware that if you choose to remove me from your life as a pathological and assuredly-ineffective avoidance mechanism to try and preemptively shield yourself from the fear of abandonment that is triggered in you as a result of my overwhelmingly valid and necessary actions to demand that you cease your lifelong efforts to subjugate me in your self-created hierarchical position at the top of our unequal relationship, then you will be doing yourself an irreparable disservice by extinguishing whatever sliver of opportunity might remain for you to get the help you need to allow you to finally see me as a real person and begin making real decisions and changes and efforts to participate in efforts to salvage whatever scraps of hope might remain for us to have a relationship before both/either of us die.

 

• Feel free to ignore and/or conceal the tens of thousands of words of documented history in order to share contextless excerpts of this text within your self-serving echo chambers in your efforts to receive false validation of your delusional victimhood. Or, alternatively, feel free to vulnerably share this in its entirety - along with the full corpus of my messaging regarding the severity of the harms caused by your behaviours - with a competent and knowledgeable mental health professional(s) for the purposes of seeking treatment for your underlying pathologies and working towards genuine growth.

 

• In the unlikely (though incomprehensibly-or-perhaps-delusionally-still-hopeful) event that you are still reading, I will conclude by saying that the possibility for any hope of salvaging our relationship lies firmly and solely within your control.

 

• After over 8 years of significant, relentless, documented, often-vilified, and absolutely unreciprocated efforts to single-handedly to put 100% of the effort into a relationship that you reaped the benefits of while remaining unwavering in your abdication of even the slightest of responsibilities, I have run out of ways, means, ideas, and capacity to continue unsuccessfully trying to do both of our parts.

 

• I am not closing the door to the possibility of reconciliation if/once you have undertaken the extensive individual work you need to do if you are ever going to be able and willing to put the necessary effort into repairing our relationship. But neither am I continuing to continue working outside your closed door hoping that one day I might be able to do enough to influence you to treat me like a full, real, EQUAL, human being.

 
I love you, and goodbye for now. I hope to see you on the other side, but I cannot force you to undertake the journey.
 
- [name]
 
[/END]
(any edits are fixing formatting/copy&paste errors)

First time ever posting on Reddit!!
I think I watched this 5ish years ago? I’m not sure exactly. It was a I believe Russian song. I remember they mainly said a single word multiple times, and I think it was something like “quiet” or “hush”, a word along those lines. The music video was like a little girl walking past a room with her parents fighting in it. Then it changes to like an adult woman and she snaps the neck of this guy. Then he’s laying on the floor in black paint and is dragged off screen. Then there is a funeral for him and his casket is carried by women and there’s a ton of snow. They all had white hair I believe. Like silver white.
TYIA everyone 🤍