I feel that this is a common problem that many people face. Working with fellow humans in a professional setting doesn’t guarantee that those humans will only see each other professionally.
Well, as the title says, I have a huge crush on someone I can’t have. He started at my organization about a year and a half ago and he’s just so great. He has a lovely wife and children that he loves very much. The thing is, even if he did feel a connection with me and tried to pursue anything, I’d immediately be disappointed that he’d actually betray his family. Ultimately, I believe I’d lose respect for him. My point is that, although I have a huge crush on him, I don’t want anything to actually happen given his situation. I just need to get these feelings off of my chest and “out there.” My best friend knows. Another friend, when super drunk one time, mentioned that he and I will end up together eventually and I was just so thrown off because I never mentioned liking him to her. I have a close friend at work who tells me a lot of personal things and I’ve come close to getting this off of my chest to her, but I’ve been super hesitant to. She’s married and I don’t want her to get the wrong idea. I have a gut feeling that she kinda knows, though, given how I talk about him. I find myself cringing when I bring him up because it feels obvious. However, we work at a relatively small place and my immediate branch, in which I work with my crush, consists of three of us and our couple of bosses. I’ve never had a crush on any of my other colleagues like this in the 10 years I’ve worked there. I’ve found some coworkers cute but that’s about it.
As mentioned, he started a year and a half ago (ish). When he was introduced via email, I didn’t think of him much and was busy with my own stuff. I actually went on multiple vacations around the time he started so I didn’t meet him in person until actually a couple of months in. I did attend a virtual meeting he was in before meeting in person and had that “oh, fuck” thought. Like “I am fucked” lol. He is exactly my preference looks-wise and felt that it might be a problem even then. Moving on to meeting in person and showing him around, I was immediately taken aback by how attracted I actually was to him. It was so much more intense in person. I should mention he’s about a decade older than me (I’m 33F) and was a professor. Also completely my type as I’ve always been the college student crushing on some teachers a bit. So, not only is this man my preference looks-wise (brunette, hairy, kinda short, curly hair), but also my preference personality-wise . I’m just glad he had Invisalign because I saw pics of him prior to getting it and he had the cutest slight snaggletooth and fangs that would’ve additionally melted me.
Not only does he have the looks I’m attracted to, which only means so much to me as the impact dissipates pretty quickly when that’s all that’s there, but we get along swimmingly. For context, we do end up traveling together on long car rides. Not constantly but also not infrequently. We end up talking a lot and about personal things. He’s confided in me about going through crying spells and feeling overwhelmed with life, about having adhd (as do i), and family stuff (his parents). Those are just some topics. I’ve divulged… a lot. He wants to protect me when going places. I believe he’s just genuinely an amazing person and would do this for anyone. I have zero idea if he has any attraction to me and I don’t need to know. I do have a gut feeling that he feels a connection to me, though. There are plenty of other people he can ask for help from, but constantly comes to me first. We work really, really well together. We presented at the same conference recently and a colleague in a different department specifically commented on he and I being great presenters. I do not feel this way about myself but wanted to share the kind words said about him. He was very appreciative and also was a bit flabbergasted that I didn’t feel I’m good at presenting and complimented me and provided reassurance I wasn’t expecting.
We also mutually got in trouble (but not really) for pulling a small prank on other coworkers. That’s a long story that would provide too much identifiable information, but it ended with my boss giggling about it. It was my crush’s idea to pull the prank which spoke to my heart as a bit of a jester myself.
I think i struggle the most with keeping it a secret. I might be obvious in my attraction but not sure. I really hope to feel this strong attraction and connection with someone available sometime. I sometimes want to cry when he does or says something endearing or awkward because the cute aggression can feel overwhelming. It’s also partly because of the pent-up feelings/energy have nowhere to really go, hence why I am here. I have no idea what to expect, if anything, in the replies.
TLDR; I have a huge secret crush on coworker that is happily married. I don’t want anything to happen given his commitments but find myself with pent-up feelings. I am so happy to love people i work with, but it feels as if there’s more there that can’t be expressed. I would lose respect for him if he were to ever make a move while married yet I feel the way I do. I am posting here to release some of these thoughts and energy.

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I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA999333
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
I(29F) made my step-father(50M) an outsider at my wedding that he paid for. I need to make it up to him but I dont know how.
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: child abandonment, emotional manipulation, possible exploitation
Original Post: May 6, 2024
I ruined the memory of the best day of my life because I was too blind to see what I was doing was hurting one of the most important people in my life. I got married 2 months ago to the love of my life, and he finally opened my eyes to what I did. He showed me the perspective I didnt understand.
When I was 5 my father left us. Just disappeared without trace. He and my mom were already separated by that point, but he was still living with us. 3 years later my mom started dating Rob. He was quite a bit younger than she was, I belive she was 34 and he was 26. Today he is very wealthy (he wasnt when he met my mom) and he treats my mother like a queen. Whenever she is around him she looks like the happiest person in the world. My younger sister looks a lot like me and mom, but her personality is for sure a reflexion of her dad, always telling jokes and being just a nice person all around while me and my mom are more serious and cold.
As I got older, Rob became more present in my life he got married to my mom and she got pregnant. But it was still pretty weird seeing him as a father figure mostly because people would asume he was my brother all the time. When I was in HS, I was dating this boy, and he broke up with me at my friends house. My mom was on a night shift and I had to ask Rob to pick me up. When he did, he conforted me, took me to get ice cream, and when we got home he told me something like this (without knowing what happened) "whoever made you sad doesnt understand that you are the best girl in the world, and its their loss. Dont beat yourself up because other people are too stupid to see it"
I just said to him "I wish you were my dad". He smiled and said that he wished that too, and he could be if I wanted to. We left it at that. I never called him dad. But from that point foward I saw him as a father and I think he knows it.
I finally reconected to my biological father about an year ago. It happened because I got engaged. When I came to my mom's house one day, he was there and I couldnt even recongnise him. He was way thiner than he was when I was a kid. He struggled for years with depression and substance abuse. My mom and Rob actually helped him get clean and they even paid for his stay at a great reabilitation center. They decided together that it was time for me to finally meet him again.
I dont want to explore much on how this was, but all I have to say is that im glad to have him back in my life and im glad for being able to help him heal. He sufered a lot, he got lost. But now he is at least trying.
Rob and my mother payed for everything at my wedding, and everything was amaizing. The church was beautiful, my husband looked amaizing. The one mistake I made: I chose my biological father over Rob. I chose the man that did abandon me for over 20 years over the one the took me as his own and gave me everything he could when he didnt have to. I chose the man that broke my mothers heart over the one that saved her. I dont know why I did what I did. Looking back on it I feel so fucking stupid. My dad didnt deserve to walk me down the aisle. My dad dint deserve to be in all the pictures with my mom and my husbands parents. It should have been Rob.
I dont know, I think I was compensating for the time lost with my dad. Everything was still so fresh with him. I was helping him out, he talked to me everyday, I felt like he deserved to be back in my life.
When we were deciding who would give speeches, we had to cut some because it was just too many and me and my husband didnt really like the idea of hearing speeches for and hour and a half. So we decided for 5 people each. When I gave the list to my husband he even asked "no Rob?" And I said "yeah, my mom is already doing one". The others I chose were 2 of my bridesmaids, my mom, my sister (she really pushed for it) and, again, my dad. My husband said I should reconsider, He even thought of giving up one of his to put Rob in. I said it was fine, he didnt need to do that. My whole thinking when doing this was that Rob has my sister. He will have his moment. This was the only chance my dad had.
But I went too far. I completly cut him out of the party basically. If you look at the photos it doesnt even look like he went. My mom looks like she is faking a smile in half the pictures. I dont have a single picture with him. He only apears in group pictures, and some with my husband.
I only realised all of this when I texted Rob 2 days ago, asking him about a gift im giving my husbands for his birthday. He anwsered. Then asked about my car that is with a mecanic friend of his. He awnsered. Then I asked him something about my insurance. He did not anwser. A little over an hour later my mom called me. She just said "do you have no shame? Do you not understand what you did?" I just listend and she told me not to talk to Rob for now. I was just so fucking confused. I got home and told my husband and he just said that he knows what she is referencing but he will talk to her first.
Later, he showed me the wedding photos, he went step by step on everything I have listed here. He talked calmly, and broke it down for me. By the end I was crying so much that I had a headache. What an inconsiderate idiot I am. He told me that he and my mom didnt tell me anything before the party because Rob asked them not to. He understood that it was important for me for my father to be a big part of this day and when they protested he said that they should not make me worry about these small things.
I dont know what changed from before the party to now. My mom only tells me that he needs a bit of time and that he will talk to me soon. My husband keeps telling me that I made a mistake but Rob will be understanding and will forgive me. And I know that he will. He 100% has already forgiven me. He probably felt something when I was texting him that day that broke him down. I dont know what I said to trigger him at that moment, but also it doesnt really matter. I did the real damage at the party probably since he apeared to be fine with everything else before it (It was not fine by any means)
I have to make it up to him. I dont know how but I just do. I guess im just writing this here because im a little lost. Im too ashamed to talk about it with anyone else I know apart from my mom and husband. She doesnt tell me anything and my husband keeps insiting that everything will be fine and for me not to worry too much about it. And he is probably right but I feel like me not worrying about this is just being incosiderate to Rob again. I have to worry. I just dont know what to do.
Im now at work, and the only thing I can think about is this. Nothing else matters to me right now.
If someone has any kind of idea of how I can make it up to him I would greatly appreciate it.
Edit: Literally 40 minutes after I uploaded this, my mom texted me saying that Rob wants to speak to me tonight.
Relevant Comments
OOP on the situation of her insurance and Rob

OOP: Actually, Rob does not pay for my insurance. He only helped me set it up. And this is not about money at all, I make more than enough money and my husband is also very well off. Rob and my mom paid for the wedding because they wanted to. They told me it would be their gift for me and they gave me the money to use it on the wedding. My husbands family gave us a sum to help pay for our new house.
But your comment made me realise that this might be the problem, he might think im using him for money. That just breaks my heart. I do not want his money. I would happly take myself out of the my mom's will and his (if he has me in it, which he probably does), if it means I can fix this.
Also, he was not rich at all when he met my mom. He became successful after their marriage. Just to clarify.

OOP on why she didn’t plan the wedding photos ahead of time

OOP: My plan was that I wanted spontanious pictures and the photographer had to be changed last minute. In my head it worked out fine, what I wanted was to have the "important" pictures taken early, bridesmades, groomsman and family and later on have just spontanious pictures.
It was something I was too stuck on, this notion of "wasting time" doing pictures, speaches, etc.
But that was such dumb thinking. Thats what wedding are for.
At the end of the day though, everything went great apart from this disastrous oversight of mine.

Top Comments
RevolutionaryHat8988: I want to hug Rob. We all need a Rob in our lives.
Deleted Commenter: You’re almost 30 and needed all of this pointed out to you?
You made multiple conscious choices to exclude Rob from your wedding and only cared after you brought up an issue with your insurance: another thing he helped to pay for.
At your age you should know that choices have consequences.
I’m not sure there is anything you can do to make up for the choices you made.
 
Update May 9, 2024
First, I want to say some things before posting:

1. No, I am not Linda, my biological father isnt dying. Got a DM in here asking.
   
2. My sister is mostly just sad, not really mad at me. Just said she understood my situation but it still was really shitty seeing her father taken for granted and sad.
   
3. My mother is the person most pissed off at me at the moment. She is the only one that still does not talk to me. I mean she does, but not really.
   
4. For the people saying my husband and mother were idiots for not talking to me before: they agree and have told me this. My husband specially. Im not trying to shift blame here, just saying this for the people that talked about it
   

I was not going to post anything else on here. Not a fan of being called names and for people to keep saying that Rob should leave our family. Although Im well aware that I deserve most of everything that was said about me. The coments saying "the apple doesnt fall far from the tree" in regaards to me and my biological father were the ones that hurt the most as it is a fear of mine and the reason I dont drink much and dont use any drugs or anything that could be addictive. But seing how there are other things that could make us more similar than I realised is really frightening.
The day I posted here, my mom told me Rob wanted to speak to me and to go to their home after work. I went and waited for Rob to arrive. When he did my mom left us alone and he started off by saying that he was hurt by what I did at the wedding, that he knows he is not my father and that he would never try to force that on me, but that he at least thought he had some sort of importance in my life and seeing me just not give him any importance apart from talking to him when I need help with something made him realise that I do not view him the he thought I did.
At this point I was already crying so much that I couldnt even talk. I waited for him to finish and when he did I just told basically what you all saw in the post. That I fucked up bad, that I was incosiderate, that he is one of the most importante people in my life and that what I did was unforgivable.
The only reason I am posting it here is because of something during the conversation. He said something about my time at college and I went "but that was because..." and stoped. He asked me "what? because of what" I just said "nothing, you are right, that was my fault and I should have done better".
He was pretty angry at that point and he started to smile and we talked about me taking responsibility for my actions. Its something I am terrible at, it was an issue at my old job and since then I have been trying to be better at it but not very successfuly. He asked what changed and I told him about the post. Multiple people in the comments said that I dont take responsibility and yes, they read right through me. I showed it to him and reading the post calmed him down.
And no, he did not read the comments, just the ones I showed it to him, I would not let him see what some of you were saying about my mom.
So yes, he told me if I was going to say something else to thank you people for calling me out for not taking responsibility.
We talked about a lot of other things not related to the wedding. At the end I just told him that there were 2 things I wanted to say for him to take away from this conversation: I really did mean it when I was in HS and said that I wished he was my dad. Even now, with my biological dad in my life. I still feel that way. And the second thing is that I know that it will be hard for him to belive it right now because of what happened, but I will try to prove it to him for as long as it takes.
For those interested, I`ve been going to a therapist with my biological father once every 2 weeks since he came back, but I think I need one for myself so I will try to make it happen soon.
I want to thank 3 particular commenters that helped me.

1. The person that told me to take it slow with Rob and dmed me to stop looking at the thread cause I was spiraling.
   
2. The one that said: "People fuck up. Sometimes badly. But in a loving and caring family it's never the end of things as long as you are willing to own your mistakes."
   
3. And most importantly the best comment that was fair and gave me the right advice: "You are a spoilt, selfish, childish person. I don’t know that rob will forgive you but you can’t simply wait to see if he does. Write him a letter in which you fully own up to your awful behaviour. Do not say “I wish someone had stopped me” - that isn’t taking accountability for the way you treat people. With him and your mom paying for your wedding and your in laws paying for your house - you need to grow up and reflect very seriously on how you interact with everyone around you."
   

I guess the post served as the letter in the scenario, thank you, that was the slap in the face I needed to realise that I need to do a lot of work to improve myself and that the wedding was not its own thing, it was a reflection of who I am right now and I dont like what I see when I look in the mirror. Also, Rob more or less told me something similar, just not as a agressive, so this comment made me take his words as not him atacking me, but trying to help me understand my flaws.
Im not sure how I will make up for this. Rob is telling me that over time, just me being how I was before my biological father showed up will be enough for him. I dont doubt him but its not enough for me. I will live with what I did for the rest of my life. I will always remember.
The way I am now I actually need people to call me out for this kinds of things and its not fair to them. I will work on it, I have to. I will try my hardest to not ever hurt anyone I love this way again. Thankfully now I have someone in my husband to help me do that and call me out if needed. Thank you.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Hi all, I am a SWE with 10 YOE. More background about me: Generally a low profile person. I get things done. I working very independently and bosses/stakeholders/teammates I work with like to work with me. I always share useful code and mentor the junior members.
Recently I joined a Global US bank that has been restructuring (you probably know which one). I was hired as a senior individual contributor based in Singapore. My entire team is based in US/Mexico. My boss is in US too. Based on the interviews and job description, I was hired to support the global technology function with close proximity to Singapore should the need to support Asia arises. I enjoyed working with my boss and my teammates are generally nice although I only see them for 3-4 hours every week due to timezone difference. I enjoyed solving difficult problems and I'm ok with the red tapes associated with getting those things approved since it's a bank.
In the past 6 months, here are the changes:

• Instead of 1 boss, now I have 3 bosses. Boss A was my original boss and he gives me my usual Book of Work. Boss B is my "actual" boss in the chain but he's just helping me with administrative stuff like leave approvals. Boss C is a MD based in Singapore. I dotted-line report to her as well.
• Pressure from Boss C. She didn't interview me. She was recently demoted down into her current role. During my first introduction with her, she spoke about a couple of heavy things that I am hearing for the first time.
  • She wants me to be the "guiding light" to help uplift the department that she is heading.
  • She wants to promote me even thought she has never met me.
  • She wants me to set up infrastructures in Singapore. She will support me in terms of sponsorship and using her seniority. For the rest, I'm on my own. (To clarify, we do have a lot of infrastructure set up for global usage. But she wants her department in Singapore to become a satellite for the region.
  • I have to attend the senior leadership meeting and share updates with no teammates backing. Boss A sits in US so he can't attend. I have to set up working group on my own to lead these new efforts.
• I work 50-55 hours per week due to the timezone difference. On 2-3 out of 5 weekdays, I work from 10am to 12 midnight. I don't eat dinner with my wife as often as before due to meetings. I have very low energy. Low libido.

I never asked for any of these. As I said, I'm a low key person and I hate being high profile. I'm happy being a senior IC. I have no aspirations to be promoted to senior management. I am struggling so hard internally because deep down, I know that I can do all of the above if I tried very very hard but I don't really want to. I want to give up and quit but I feel like a weakling for thinking of giving up.
I'm just hoping that someone here can knock some sense into me. To give me some advice on what I should do.

So I work at an FQHC. There are 5 primary care providers (2 DO’s, 2 NP’s, and a PA). There are 2 psych NP’s, my colleague and I. Usually coverage is not an issue, as my colleague and I cover for one another. When covering refills while one of us is out of the office: if a client is up to date on appointment attendance and has a future appointment scheduled, and there are no out of the ordinary problems with the prescription or special ‘heads up’ with the patient, my colleague or I will just order a 30 day supply of medicine, regardless of whether or not it’s a controlled substance. For the past 3 months, my colleague has been on maternity leave. Also during this time period there was a massive influx of new-to- me patients due to my agency firing a the third psych np in January. I’ve been taking care of my own practice, my colleague’s practice, and all these newbies. I didn’t take any time off during my colleague’s leave except for the last week prior to her return (I attended a conference). When I returned I found that the pcp’s who covered me gave just enough medication to bridge until my return to the office if it was a controlled substance. So there were maybe 10 fills covered. When I got back, I had a bunch of extra work to do and patients were upset. My boss, the medical director, seriously gave 1 capsule of vyvanse to one poor guy (he’s a very reliable patient with no substance abuse problems). In regards to controlled substances, I try my best to be conscientious but I also don’t have a stick up my rear about it as I’ve been at this for a while. I must admit this feels…not good. I doubt that the pcp’s cover one another in the same way. To be fair this is the first time I’ve ever worked with pcp’s (up until now I’ve only worked directly with other psych providers). I do realize that my population is way higher risk/higher acuity. If you were in my situation how would you feel about this?

I feel that this is a common problem that many people face. Working with fellow humans in a professional setting doesn’t guarantee that those humans will only see each other professionally.
Well, as the title says, I have a huge crush on someone I can’t have. He started at my organization about a year and a half ago and he’s just so great. He has a lovely wife and children that he loves very much. The thing is, even if he did feel a connection with me and tried to pursue anything, I’d immediately be disappointed that he’d actually betray his family. Ultimately, I believe I’d lose respect for him. My point is that, although I have a huge crush on him, I don’t want anything to actually happen given his situation. I just need to get these feelings off of my chest and “out there.” My best friend knows. Another friend, when super drunk one time, mentioned that he and I will end up together eventually and I was just so thrown off because I never mentioned liking him to her. I have a close friend at work who tells me a lot of personal things and I’ve come close to getting this off of my chest to her, but I’ve been super hesitant to. She’s married and I don’t want her to get the wrong idea. I have a gut feeling that she kinda knows, though, given how I talk about him. I find myself cringing when I bring him up because it feels obvious. However, we work at a relatively small place and my immediate branch, in which I work with my crush, consists of three of us and our couple of bosses. I’ve never had a crush on any of my other colleagues like this in the 10 years I’ve worked there. I’ve found some coworkers cute but that’s about it.
As mentioned, he started a year and a half ago (ish). When he was introduced via email, I didn’t think of him much and was busy with my own stuff. I actually went on multiple vacations around the time he started so I didn’t meet him in person until actually a couple of months in. I did attend a virtual meeting he was in before meeting in person and had that “oh, fuck” thought. Like “I am fucked” lol. He is exactly my preference looks-wise and felt that it might be a problem even then. Moving on to meeting in person and showing him around, I was immediately taken aback by how attracted I actually was to him. It was so much more intense in person. I should mention he’s about a decade older than me (I’m 33F) and was a professor. Also completely my type as I’ve always been the college student crushing on some teachers a bit. So, not only is this man my preference looks-wise (brunette, hairy, kinda short, curly hair), but also my preference personality-wise . I’m just glad he had Invisalign because I saw pics of him prior to getting it and he had the cutest slight snaggletooth and fangs that would’ve additionally melted me.
Not only does he have the looks I’m attracted to, which only means so much to me as the impact dissipates pretty quickly when that’s all that’s there, but we get along swimmingly. For context, we do end up traveling together on long car rides. Not constantly but also not infrequently. We end up talking a lot and about personal things. He’s confided in me about going through crying spells and feeling overwhelmed with life, about having adhd (as do i), and family stuff (his parents). Those are just some topics. I’ve divulged… a lot. He wants to protect me when going places. I believe he’s just genuinely an amazing person and would do this for anyone. I have zero idea if he has any attraction to me and I don’t need to know. I do have a gut feeling that he feels a connection to me, though. There are plenty of other people he can ask for help from, but constantly comes to me first. We work really, really well together. We presented at the same conference recently and a colleague in a different department specifically commented on he and I being great presenters. I do not feel this way about myself but wanted to share the kind words said about him. He was very appreciative and also was a bit flabbergasted that I didn’t feel I’m good at presenting and complimented me and provided reassurance I wasn’t expecting.
We also mutually got in trouble (but not really) for pulling a small prank on other coworkers. That’s a long story that would provide too much identifiable information, but it ended with my boss giggling about it. It was my crush’s idea to pull the prank which spoke to my heart as a bit of a jester myself.
I think i struggle the most with keeping it a secret. I might be obvious in my attraction but not sure. I really hope to feel this strong attraction and connection with someone available sometime. I sometimes want to cry when he does or says something endearing or awkward because the cute aggression can feel overwhelming. It’s also partly because of the pent-up feelings/energy have nowhere to really go, hence why I am here. I have no idea what to expect, if anything, in the replies.
TLDR; I have a huge secret crush on coworker that is happily married. I don’t want anything to happen given his commitments but find myself with pent-up feelings. I am so happy to love people i work with, but it feels as if there’s more there that can’t be expressed. I would lose respect for him if he were to ever make a move while married yet I feel the way I do. I am posting here to release some of these thoughts and energy.

Well, I didn’t think things would come this far or have to be like this. I want to start off by saying that I am not perfect, I do make plenty of mistakes and i will continue to make mistakes. I’m writing this because a coworker of mine decided to make a post about me and completely lied.
I work for Jo-Ann fabrics and I love it, I love the atmosphere and I love the people- the customers and coworkers. Well, except one. For privacy I will call her Regina because she acts like work is the mean girls movie. I started working for this company October of 2023, I was hired in as the full time key holder. I do have a four year old that goes to school and due to kids having germs my daughter was sick a lot so I did have to call in, I don’t have much help babysitter wise so I HAD to stay home to take care of her. I didn’t call in every other day it was like twice every so often. Regina didn’t like that and resented me for choosing to take care of my daughter rather than work, so she told our boss that she should have the position because she doesn’t have a kid and would be available more. Our boss talked to me so I sacrificed the position so she could have it, now I’m not mad, upset or jealous that I don’t have the full time position it’s just hard to make a living working part time hours only making 10.55 an hour. If I knew what was to come I would have NEVER sacrificed the full time position. I do have a steady babysitter now so I’m working as much as I can so I can provide for my daughters need, kids are expensive and my daughters birthday is coming up so I asked for extra hours.
Days after Regina and I switched positions she started to act like she was made out of gold, like a golden child would. She would ALWAYS rub it in my face that she now was the full time key holder and always bragged how much more an hour she makes. She would ask all of our coworkers what their pay was and then would tell them how much she makes. I don’t care how much she makes, though higher pay would make my living situation easier. I grew up poor so I already adapted to a life of poverty and I’m honestly okay with it, sometimes it’s harder than other times but I make it work with what I have. Money to me is just paper, I can’t take it to the grave with me. Regina stoped me in the back room and said “I hope your not mad” I asked “why would I be mad” Regina replied with “because I make way more money than you” I smiled “well, I honestly don’t care. I couldn’t care less about money” Regina’s face got sour and cold because she knew she wasn’t getting under my skin. She replied with “oh, I thought you were”. I chuckled and said “no” and continued what I was doing.
Some time goes where nothing was happening but I could feel that something was brewing. It was the calm before the storm is what I’d call it. Now around this time I was going through a break up and was not feeling the best in my own skin and Regina knew this and used it as her ammunition. She started to call me her fat friend and then gave me hugs, I felt awkward because I do not like to be touched due to some very tramatic events . I’m bigger, I’m not skinny but I’m also not severely obese. Regina started to poke me and grab my fat and jiggle it. The first time she did, it was in front of two other female coworkers. They weren’t nice either, I’ll call them Gretchen and Karen, they were all in on this. When Regina grabbed my fat and giggled it Gretchen and Karen watched and laughed. I asked Regina “what are you doing” she responded with “I just wanted to feel how squishy it is”. Me being a non confrontational person I say “oh, don’t do that” still being nice and smiling, though I felt what was left of my self esteem completely shatter. I brushed it off and walked up to where all three of the mean girls were to ask a question about work since I was the only one doing something. Before I could even ask the question Gretchen goes behind me, makes a fist and lightly punched my back fat making it jiggle. All the girls laugh, I could feel my face getting hot and tears forming in my eyes as my heart sank to my stomach. I went to the bathroom for a moment to gather myself. This would go one for weeks, and every time it happened I would ask her to stop or to leave me be, each time she disregarded what I asked. During this time she would tell every coworker that I was a bad worker, I didn’t do what I was supposed to and if I did I would do a horrible job. There are so many other things she has said to others one that hurt the most was her saying it was annoying that I talk about my daughter so much. Now this whole time I thought we were friends, I’m a very forgiving person and I’m super nice even to people who don’t deserve it so when I heard about everything she was saying I was hurt I was so confused because she even asked to be my daughters god mother though she was never in my daughters life. I know friends don’t treat friends like that but I was just happy I could call someone a friend after years of having no one due to becoming a mom and losing myself in motherhood. I call my kindness and willingness to forgive a blessing and a curse because it truly is.
After finding out about everything she was saying, the drama and the physical touching which is actually bulling and harassment I finally went to my boss. It took me almost two months to tell her what was going on and how I felt. I hated every second explaining the torment to her, my boss is a lovey person and is super sweet. I couldn’t imagine how she felt hearing all of this, I truly felt like I was going to puke. I was so uncomfortable I couldn’t bear to work any longer without the help of my boss. My boss did talk to Regina and she said that she seems like she will be better and will stop the nonsense. A day after she was talked to Regina poked my back fat and laughed, she was shocked at how I responded. This time I wasn’t nice I turned to her and pretty much yelled “don’t touch me” she immediately apologized. I was surprised with how I responded as well, I actually stood up for myself and it felt nice. I did tell my boss she touched me again so Regina was talked to again and was extremely pissed. She started acting really passive aggressive, avoiding me and slamming things and being rude to everyone even customers. Me, being the nice person I am I decided that I would forgive her. Dumb of me, I know. I wrote her a four or five page letter explaining how everything made me feel , how bad of a friend she was and that I would teach her how to be a good friend. I even bought her a candle and some other stuff along with the letter I went as far as going over to her house to help her clean. She cried a lot when she read the letter and cried to me saying how bad of a friend she was, I hugged her back and said that it was okay and I forgive her. After that is was okay for a while until I witnessed her take drinks without paying for them and told my boss. After this, it was like a war.
I have never gotten in trouble with anyone, anywhere with anything, I guess I’m a goodie-two-shoes. Though I do have anger problems I have found ways to cope and deal with my anger, I’ve been working really hard to not get angry at Regina even though she deserves to hear what the mama bear side of me wants to say. I want to be gentle, I want to be nice and forgiving, I don’t want to be angry. But I knew I had to set some sturdy boundaries in order to keep my sanity. These past few weeks have been hell, in summary I caught her talking bad about me to my boss, she was lying about me, blaming me and others for things we didn’t do. With one situation in particular she turned the tables , when hearing this my adrenaline started to course through my veins, I stared to shake so bad. I went up to her and told her that was not how the story went. She got so scared seeing me so mad and shaking. She apologized to our boss for lying but not to me, my other coworker helped me calm down and thank god she did because I was going to quit right there and then. To summarize other things she has done I will just list them -tried to frame another coworker for theft to the point the coworker cried to our boss -tried to take credit for the work I did -talks bad about other managers and workers in other stores -gave out the phone numbers and emails of our hr and of our boss’s boss -made me work off the clock to train new people because she didn’t want to train them -purposely trained me wrong and is hesitant with teaching me new things to the point my boss has to and when I learn she gets mad and jealous because she’s threatened by my work ethic -yelled at me in front of a customer to the point the customer came back to complain about Regina to our boss and another coworker
And so many more but, the most recent is her blaming me for not locking the doors at close when it was her that didn’t do it correctly, the alarm company called my boss at night and the cops came to our Joanns and everything. I have several eye witnesses watch her do it. I told my boss to watch the cameras because I have nothing to lie about and Regina still is trying to blame me. This is where I draw the line, I will not forgive her so easily this time. Forgiveness without changed behavior is just manipulation. I am not the only one who has complained about her, many of our coworker have switched their availability to when I work or when my boss works because they don’t want to deal with Regina. Tension is very high and I’m afraid of what is to come.

Hi all, I am a SWE with 10 YOE. More background about me: Generally a low profile person. I get things done. I working very independently and bosses/stakeholders/teammates I work with like to work with me. I always share useful code and mentor the junior members.
Recently I joined a Global US bank that has been restructuring (you probably know which one). I was hired as a senior individual contributor based in Singapore. My entire team is based in US/Mexico. My boss is in US too. Based on the interviews and job description, I was hired to support the global technology function with close proximity to Singapore should the need to support Asia arises. I enjoyed working with my boss and my teammates are generally nice although I only see them for 3-4 hours every week due to timezone difference. I enjoyed solving difficult problems and I'm ok with the red tapes associated with getting those things approved since it's a bank.
In the past 6 months, here are the changes:

• Instead of 1 boss, now I have 3 bosses. Boss A was my original boss and he gives me my usual Book of Work. Boss B is my "actual" boss in the chain but he's just helping me with administrative stuff like leave approvals. Boss C is a MD based in Singapore. I dotted-line report to her as well.
• Pressure from Boss C. She didn't interview me. She was recently demoted down into her current role. During my first introduction with her, she spoke about a couple of heavy things that I am hearing for the first time.
  • She wants me to be the "guiding light" to help uplift the department that she is heading.
  • She wants to promote me even thought she has never met me.
  • She wants me to set up infrastructures in Singapore. She will support me in terms of sponsorship and using her seniority. For the rest, I'm on my own. (To clarify, we do have a lot of infrastructure set up for global usage. But she wants her department in Singapore to become a satellite for the region.
  • I have to attend the senior leadership meeting and share updates with no teammates backing. Boss A sits in US so he can't attend. I have to set up working group on my own to lead these new efforts.
• I work 50-55 hours per week due to the timezone difference. On 2-3 out of 5 weekdays, I work from 10am to 12 midnight. I don't eat dinner with my wife as often as before due to meetings. I have very low energy. Low libido.

I never asked for any of these. As I said, I'm a low key person and I hate being high profile. I'm happy being a senior IC. I have no aspirations to be promoted to senior management. I am struggling so hard internally because deep down, I know that I can do all of the above if I tried very very hard but I don't really want to. I want to give up and quit but I feel like a weakling for thinking of giving up.
I'm just hoping that someone here can knock some sense into me. To give me some advice on what I should do.

Well, I didn’t think things would come this far or have to be like this. I want to start off by saying that I am not perfect, I do make plenty of mistakes and i will continue to make mistakes. I’m writing this because a coworker of mine decided to make a post about me and completely lied.
I work for Jo-Ann fabrics and I love it, I love the atmosphere and I love the people- the customers and coworkers. Well, except one. For privacy I will call her Regina because she acts like work is the mean girls movie. I started working for this company October of 2023, I was hired in as the full time key holder. I do have a four year old that goes to school and due to kids having germs my daughter was sick a lot so I did have to call in, I don’t have much help babysitter wise so I HAD to stay home to take care of her. I didn’t call in every other day it was like twice every so often. Regina didn’t like that and resented me for choosing to take care of my daughter rather than work, so she told our boss that she should have the position because she doesn’t have a kid and would be available more. Our boss talked to me so I sacrificed the position so she could have it, now I’m not mad, upset or jealous that I don’t have the full time position it’s just hard to make a living working part time hours only making 10.55 an hour. If I knew what was to come I would have NEVER sacrificed the full time position. I do have a steady babysitter now so I’m working as much as I can so I can provide for my daughters need, kids are expensive and my daughters birthday is coming up so I asked for extra hours.
Days after Regina and I switched positions she started to act like she was made out of gold, like a golden child would. She would ALWAYS rub it in my face that she now was the full time key holder and always bragged how much more an hour she makes. She would ask all of our coworkers what their pay was and then would tell them how much she makes. I don’t care how much she makes, though higher pay would make my living situation easier. I grew up poor so I already adapted to a life of poverty and I’m honestly okay with it, sometimes it’s harder than other times but I make it work with what I have. Money to me is just paper, I can’t take it to the grave with me. Regina stoped me in the back room and said “I hope your not mad” I asked “why would I be mad” Regina replied with “because I make way more money than you” I smiled “well, I honestly don’t care. I couldn’t care less about money” Regina’s face got sour and cold because she knew she wasn’t getting under my skin. She replied with “oh, I thought you were”. I chuckled and said “no” and continued what I was doing.
Some time goes where nothing was happening but I could feel that something was brewing. It was the calm before the storm is what I’d call it. Now around this time I was going through a break up and was not feeling the best in my own skin and Regina knew this and used it as her ammunition. She started to call me her fat friend and then gave me hugs, I felt awkward because I do not like to be touched due to some very tramatic events . I’m bigger, I’m not skinny but I’m also not severely obese. Regina started to poke me and grab my fat and jiggle it. The first time she did, it was in front of two other female coworkers. They weren’t nice either, I’ll call them Gretchen and Karen, they were all in on this. When Regina grabbed my fat and giggled it Gretchen and Karen watched and laughed. I asked Regina “what are you doing” she responded with “I just wanted to feel how squishy it is”. Me being a non confrontational person I say “oh, don’t do that” still being nice and smiling, though I felt what was left of my self esteem completely shatter. I brushed it off and walked up to where all three of the mean girls were to ask a question about work since I was the only one doing something. Before I could even ask the question Gretchen goes behind me, makes a fist and lightly punched my back fat making it jiggle. All the girls laugh, I could feel my face getting hot and tears forming in my eyes as my heart sank to my stomach. I went to the bathroom for a moment to gather myself. This would go one for weeks, and every time it happened I would ask her to stop or to leave me be, each time she disregarded what I asked. During this time she would tell every coworker that I was a bad worker, I didn’t do what I was supposed to and if I did I would do a horrible job. There are so many other things she has said to others one that hurt the most was her saying it was annoying that I talk about my daughter so much. Now this whole time I thought we were friends, I’m a very forgiving person and I’m super nice even to people who don’t deserve it so when I heard about everything she was saying I was hurt I was so confused because she even asked to be my daughters god mother though she was never in my daughters life. I know friends don’t treat friends like that but I was just happy I could call someone a friend after years of having no one due to becoming a mom and losing myself in motherhood. I call my kindness and willingness to forgive a blessing and a curse because it truly is.
After finding out about everything she was saying, the drama and the physical touching which is actually bulling and harassment I finally went to my boss. It took me almost two months to tell her what was going on and how I felt. I hated every second explaining the torment to her, my boss is a lovey person and is super sweet. I couldn’t imagine how she felt hearing all of this, I truly felt like I was going to puke. I was so uncomfortable I couldn’t bear to work any longer without the help of my boss. My boss did talk to Regina and she said that she seems like she will be better and will stop the nonsense. A day after she was talked to Regina poked my back fat and laughed, she was shocked at how I responded. This time I wasn’t nice I turned to her and pretty much yelled “don’t touch me” she immediately apologized. I was surprised with how I responded as well, I actually stood up for myself and it felt nice. I did tell my boss she touched me again so Regina was talked to again and was extremely pissed. She started acting really passive aggressive, avoiding me and slamming things and being rude to everyone even customers. Me, being the nice person I am I decided that I would forgive her. Dumb of me, I know. I wrote her a four or five page letter explaining how everything made me feel , how bad of a friend she was and that I would teach her how to be a good friend. I even bought her a candle and some other stuff along with the letter I went as far as going over to her house to help her clean. She cried a lot when she read the letter and cried to me saying how bad of a friend she was, I hugged her back and said that it was okay and I forgive her. After that is was okay for a while until I witnessed her take drinks without paying for them and told my boss. After this, it was like a war.
I have never gotten in trouble with anyone, anywhere with anything, I guess I’m a goodie-two-shoes. Though I do have anger problems I have found ways to cope and deal with my anger, I’ve been working really hard to not get angry at Regina even though she deserves to hear what the mama bear side of me wants to say. I want to be gentle, I want to be nice and forgiving, I don’t want to be angry. But I knew I had to set some sturdy boundaries in order to keep my sanity. These past few weeks have been hell, in summary I caught her talking bad about me to my boss, she was lying about me, blaming me and others for things we didn’t do. With one situation in particular she turned the tables , when hearing this my adrenaline started to course through my veins, I stared to shake so bad. I went up to her and told her that was not how the story went. She got so scared seeing me so mad and shaking. She apologized to our boss for lying but not to me, my other coworker helped me calm down and thank god she did because I was going to quit right there and then. To summarize other things she has done I will just list them -tried to frame another coworker for theft to the point the coworker cried to our boss -tried to take credit for the work I did -talks bad about other managers and workers in other stores -gave out the phone numbers and emails of our hr and of our boss’s boss -made me work off the clock to train new people because she didn’t want to train them -purposely trained me wrong and is hesitant with teaching me new things to the point my boss has to and when I learn she gets mad and jealous because she’s threatened by my work ethic -yelled at me in front of a customer to the point the customer came back to complain about Regina to our boss and another coworker
And so many more but, the most recent is her blaming me for not locking the doors at close when it was her that didn’t do it correctly, the alarm company called my boss at night and the cops came to our Joanns and everything. I have several eye witnesses watch her do it. I told my boss to watch the cameras because I have nothing to lie about and Regina still is trying to blame me. This is where I draw the line, I will not forgive her so easily this time. Forgiveness without changed behavior is just manipulation. I am not the only one who has complained about her, many of our coworker have switched their availability to when I work or when my boss works because they don’t want to deal with Regina. Tension is very high and I’m afraid of what is to come.

Hi all, I am a SWE with 10 YOE. More background about me: Generally a low profile person. I get things done. I working very independently and bosses/stakeholders/teammates I work with like to work with me. I always share useful code and mentor the junior members.
Recently I joined a Global US bank that has been restructuring (you probably know which one). I was hired as a senior individual contributor based in Singapore. My entire team is based in US/Mexico. My boss is in US too. Based on the interviews and job description, I was hired to support the global technology function with close proximity to Singapore should the need to support Asia arises. I enjoyed working with my boss and my teammates are generally nice although I only see them for 3-4 hours every week due to timezone difference. I enjoyed solving difficult problems and I'm ok with the red tapes associated with getting those things approved since it's a bank.
In the past 6 months, here are the changes:

• Instead of 1 boss, now I have 3 bosses. Boss A was my original boss and he gives me my usual Book of Work. Boss B is my "actual" boss in the chain but he's just helping me with administrative stuff like leave approvals. Boss C is a MD based in Singapore. I dotted-line report to her as well.
• Pressure from Boss C. She didn't interview me. She was recently demoted down into her current role. During my first introduction with her, she spoke about a couple of heavy things that I am hearing for the first time.
  • She wants me to be the "guiding light" to help uplift the department that she is heading.
  • She wants to promote me even thought she has never met me.
  • She wants me to set up infrastructures in Singapore. She will support me in terms of sponsorship and using her seniority. For the rest, I'm on my own. (To clarify, we do have a lot of infrastructure set up for global usage. But she wants her department in Singapore to become a satellite for the region.
  • I have to attend the senior leadership meeting and share updates with no teammates backing. Boss A sits in US so he can't attend. I have to set up working group on my own to lead these new efforts.
• I work 50-55 hours per week due to the timezone difference. On 2-3 out of 5 weekdays, I work from 10am to 12 midnight. I don't eat dinner with my wife as often as before due to meetings. I have very low energy. Low libido.

I never asked for any of these. As I said, I'm a low key person and I hate being high profile. I'm happy being a senior IC. I have no aspirations to be promoted to senior management. I am struggling so hard internally because deep down, I know that I can do all of the above if I tried very very hard but I don't really want to. I want to give up and quit but I feel like a weakling for thinking of giving up.
I'm just hoping that someone here can knock some sense into me. To give me some advice on what I should do.

Anyone else watch survivor on paramount plus ?? every wednesday night i go to watch it and its hit or miss on whether the new episode is there or not ?? in big letters it says “AIRS EVERY WEDNESDAY” and then just isn’t there… anyone else have this problem ?? am i missing something ?? this also happens to me with the amazing race !!

I (19F) do not have an ADHD diagnosis.
I have contemplated on-or-off whether it could be a possibility that I have ADHD, but I always disregard it as attention-seeking. Even though I’m not an attention seeker. But the amount of times I have googled “reddit do I have adhd” is laughable.
I used to fear deadlines and I would get my assignments done in the last moment, but over time my body took longer and longer to “lock in”
After a recent depressive episode, I find that I just can’t do anything anymore. I’m attending classes, but I have not done shit. I don’t care anymore. I mean I do, but I don’t. If that makes sense.
I’ve been lurking on different ADHD posts for some time now to “confirm” that I could have ADHD. Unfortunately I can often relate but obviously I can’t confirm from reddit posts. And I still feel like an attention seeker.
I can’t even tell my mom cause she would freak out over the possibility of me having to take medications. (My sister is diagnosed with psychotic disorder and meds has messed her up pretty bad).
I don’t know what I even want. I just haven’t been feeling right for a few years now and I am frustrated. When I complain about my problems to my friends, it’s always “omg same” but I can tell it’s not the same kind.
I just want to be functional and get things done and not ruminate all day long or spend time on completely random things.
I have a linear algebra final tomorrow too and I have not studied one bit the “rush” hasn’t kicked in yet and it might not this time.
I don’t know what the point of my post is but I just feel alone and stupid.

Disillusioned with the current job market? I get it, I really do. As if sifting through thousands of opportunities, writing a cover letters, going through 3 rounds of interviews, and all of the “homework assignments” isn’t enough? But we CAN’T forget to add a deep dive search into your potential employer’s background to the list because the amount of pyramid scheme/predatory companies out there is only increasing and they’re getting more and more sophisticated.
I’m have one intention; to prevent others from falling prey to the same predatory and morally corrupt situation that I found myself in. Thank god (or whomevewhatever is pulling the strings out there) for good friends with a knack for uncovering company's secrets or I would be working for a MLM right now. The company is called Silver Lining Marketing Inc. and they’re office is located in Gretna, LA (but operates in the greater New Orleans Area). They have an actual office, with employees and everything. They even make their employees wear business professional clothing so as to appear more legitimate. They have a functioning website, which once I actually read everything on their website, I realized that they aren’t really marketing the non-profits they fundraise for, but rather they are marketing job opportunities and personal growth within their company.
I applied to a job listing on indeed for an executive management position with Silver Lining Marketing Inc. with $75-100K compensation, which sounds great, right? You go through 3 rounds of interviews which end with an in-person interview with one of the “Team Leaders” and then their CEO. Everyone is SO nice and they do a great job of making the office feel “fun and supportive”. They don’t give you the job on the spot but rather wait at least a day or two to contact you after your final interview, so it appears as though this is a competitive and desirable position. Once you’re hired the switch flips and you’re finally made aware that you will not reach the executive manager position for about a year and this is how they get you!
First you will start out in an entry level “training” position for about a month where the pay is a measly $12/hr, but you get 20% of one-time donations and 1X monthly donations…which I don’t know how anyone sees any of that “bonus” money because they are still training and not “out in the field”. It was at this point that I asked what “out in the field” meant. I wrongfully assumed that in this position I would be doing event planning for galas, dinners, and any other kind of fundraising event…but man was I wrong! “Out in the field” actually translated to going to Walmart, CVS, various grocery stores, ect for 8 hours with a clipboard and harassing strangers for donations to various non-profits. Thats how they make their “bonuses” and I HIGHLY DOUBT that the people they coerced into donating their hard-earned money would still want to donate if they knew that approximately 40% of that donation would be going in to the pocket of a for-profit marketing firm. They have you wear clothing with the non-profit’s logo on it so that people think you work for the non-profit and they also tell you to never tell the donors that you take a (hefty) percentage of the money that they think is being donated in its entirety to the non-profit.
After about a month you move up to a leadership role. The leadership level is split in to 3 tiers; Jr. leader, Core leader, and Sr. leader. You’re still making $12/hr by the way, BUT WAIT, now you’ll get 20% of any one-time donations you 1.5X any monthly donations you receive. When you move to the Core leadership level you get a “growth bonus” which I was told is $200, hooray?? Upon reaching the Sr. leadership role you’re still at $12/hr but now you get 20% of one-time donations and 2X monthly donations. According to the employee I spoke to, new employees typically spend around 16-20 weeks in this role. At this point you are responsible for set up and break down of “events” in “the field”, your team of $12/hr cronies, and the money collected at the “events”. To move to the next tier, which is assistant manager, one must first indoctrinate 4 other people and at least 1 of those 4 people has to make it to a Sr. leadership role. This means you have to get at least 4 more suckers to work for 12/hr before you can be promoted, is this starting to sound familiar? In addition to your recruitment goals, you must also get at least 10K in one-time donations and 1K in monthly donations for 2 weeks in a row.
When you get to the third level you become assistant manager and you are STILL MAKING $12/hr, but don’t get your panties in a bunch because WOAH now you’re make 20% on one-time donations and 3X monthly donations. The assistant manager role typically last about 8-12 weeks and it is in this role that you learn the scripts and necessary brain-washing tools to start your very own MLM! The fourth and final level is executive manager and in this role you’re supposed to be making 75k-100k and be in charge of your own entire office of brainwashed underpaid employees and you get to rinse and repeat with all of the new hires.
These companies brainwash people in numerous ways. Every morning there is a meeting for an hour and half in which you stand up, yell mantras, clap, and get hyped up for a long day of skimming donations from various non-profit charities. They make sure everyone looks professional and has a “good attitude” to prevent people from getting spooked or god forbid thinking for themselves long enough to realize that they’re part of a pyramid scheme. How is this legal, you say!? Well, unfortunately it is legal but it absolutely should not be. See this particular company isn’t making you buy a product and then sell said product to make money, no no no, instead this company hides behind the good names of the charities that it “represents” while skimming money off the top of each donation. The Charities are getting donations they otherwise wouldn’t have so they're not motivated to do the necessary research in to the practices of the company that is paying them. I would also like to note that I don’t think that all of the people that currently work for or have worked for Silver Lining Marketing Inc. are terrible, morally corrupt, individuals because they at their core victims of this heinous system that judicial system has allowed to persist. This company targets kind-hearted individuals that want to help charities, individuals who typically don’t take a job just for the money. This allows them to guilt you in to working for an unlivable wage because, hey, you're making a difference and if you just work hard enough for a while then you’ll make lots of money and get to start your very own business!
I watched a youtube video on pyramid/MLM schemes called “The Slave Circle (Direct Marketing Devil Corp. Documentary)” and this video gave me the confidence I needed to tell the company that I would not work for them and why. I highly recommend watching the video if you think you might be falling prey to a company like Silver Lining Marketing Inc. Here’s the link; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyCRzBt7GuY
Additionally, the Lula rich docuseries on amazon prime is worth a watch.
Lastly, I would like to say that if you or someone you know has been a victim of a fucked MLM like this, don’t turn to anger or vengeance. Don’t let this discourage you, these companies are so sophisticated and have scripted responses for every possible situation. They prey on good people and you are not a bad person if you fall for it, just don’t make that mistake again, learn from your errors, and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE post about your experience on reddit, glassdoor, and anywhere else you feel comfortable so that you can prevent others from falling victim to the same situation!!
I really hope this helps others and if anyone has any specific questions, let me know in the comments and I’ll try to check in every so often and answer them.

So I started night shift a few weeks ago and overall I enjoy the consistency. However my best days were when my manager was not there.
I'll start with the smallest issue to my biggest:
-I was not provided a lanyard and a random employee, not the manager, handed me a safety knife and told me what to do on the job. This slows down my pace as I need to stick it in my pocket without ripping anything or putting it on the ground. Still no lanyard.
-I keep being told to go faster despite using proper lifting technique. I stopped paying attention to how i should arrange items anymore to save time, but I still didn't stock everything within the 'acceptable' time frame because i was lifting with my knees instead of bending with my back and making sure i have proper posture. My grandma was also constantly pressured to go faster by the manager and with fear of losing her job she injured her back and struggles to walk now. I do not want the same to happen to me but i dont know if i cant prove anything improper is happening as theyre not directly addressing the way i lift items, just insinuating its on me to find a other way to save time.
-I was not provided lifting training. I see majority of my colleagues not using proper lifting form. It concerns me how normalised it is here. It worries me this place is creating people who will have many future body problems. Everyone seems to act fine rn, but there are a few colleagues here who are older and have been here for a while that have trouble walking. I assume they dont have enough money and know they wont land another job if they leave cos of their condition so they continue to suffer through while the younger people are blissfully unaware that that is their future.
I have no idea how to bring this up to the manager seeing as this is how things have been here for a long time and im still new. Im considering reporting everything so they cant keep pressuring me to overload myself. I already minorly injured my back after constant pressure of being told to go faster.

I know he will never see this..I just need to get it off my chest.
Dear person I no longer recognize,
To answer your question, No. We will never be one big happy blended family. I will not share my space or time with your mistress in any capacity. She will not be allowed at any event for the kids that I am attending. The audacity you have to even think it was possible is astonishing. With the no contact order in place, I will call the police the minute I see her. Even if I had met that girl under different circumstances, I would have very quickly figured out that she is not the type of person I would ever associate with. She's two-faced, manipulative, petty and vindictive. She's not my type of person, I don't roll like that. The way she manipulated our child and continues to do so, and then constantly interrogating her trying to get information on me. You have no idea what all this has done to our kid's mental health.
Mistress admitted to stalking me, then goes telling people I am stalking her. ( I know your neighbor, fyi... he's tired of her shit too) She throws rocks then sits on her hands and cries victim. Both of you do. I have met people in this town who don't like her for her entitled, catty & petty behaviors. No wonder she goes through friends like underwear. I have a security video of her driving past my house calling me a fuking cnt in your vehicle. She has done so much to come after me, as if stealing my husband weren't enough. Just my existence, and the thought of you trying to come back to me again has made her insecurities take the wheel, the girl is completely unhinged. You would think I would be the one causing a scene considering the circumstances, but that's the difference between a woman and a child. I am so over the gaslighting and all the other toxic behaviors. Both of you need mental help and a big old dose of accountability.
So, if the only way that you can be nice to me, is for me to make friends with and co-parent our child with your mistress after all the problems she's caused...NO...I'd rather you keep being a dick to me, it doesn't bother me that you're being an asshole. If you haven't noticed, I don't react. Karma will absolutely catch up to the both of you. Trust that.
Oh, and I HOPE you're telling your lawyer all the delusional lies your spewing about me. Please try to use it in court. I have irrefutable evidence to prove you're lying and with it, I will destroy any credibility you had left. I also have you recorded blackmailing and threatening me if I filed a no contact order on her. I have you recorded saying how petty and vindictive she is. I have you recorded saying you were going to hit the guy I'm dating just for being on the road beside your apartment.... His kids live ON THAT ROAD, he has to travel down it to get to them. My guy doesn't even know what you look like and doesn't care to. Unlike the two of you, we're focused on us and our living our own lives. I have never ever made threats to either of you. I may have wished awful things on you both in the beginning, but I never made a threat.
I have no choice but to co-parent with you for the one kid you have left that acknowledges your existence. For our child, I have and will continue to be cordial with you. But I will not befriend your mistress, I will not be co-parenting with her. She is not my equal, she is the same age as our oldest child, and she behaves like our youngest.
Never bring it up to me again.
Best regards,
The Ex-Wife

My five kids are asleep. My husband is in bed. I snuck into the guest room and told him I’m “working on an article for work”. But instead, I’m working on my goodbye letters.
I’m burned out. I need a break, but I can’t catch one. I’m tired. TIRED of being the default parent and having kids with special needs and constant appointments. I am drained without any help with the planning of this family.
I feel so worthless and like a damn failure. I’m no longer a woman, I feel like a nanny that should be fired. I have $19 in the bank until the 22nd and honestly, I just want to fall asleep and not wake up again.
I wrote a list earlier of the important documents to get together, then I just wrote where to find them and the email address and password and a contact to get a hold of to help with the business stuff.
I wanted to get the will done today, but I’m over it. I said goodnight to the kids, and I just want to drive somewhere, have a few drinks and take some pills and make a call to the police to let them know where to find me.
I want this pain to end. And I’m so divided on saying goodbye to my husband. I’m afraid he will take me in and I guess I’m also afraid to see him again.
My kids deserve better than me. I can’t get them to school on time, I forget paperwork, homework, I can’t get half of them to sit down to read a book or even go to the park, etc.
My oldest is a junior in high school and I can barely get her to attend now that school is nearing the end.
I just feel like such a damn failure and I want this to be over!

For most Americans, college is no longer working. A bachelor's degree doesn’t reliably guarantee what universities say it delivers: an investment that prepares you for the workplace and the world. While the income gap between college and high school grads is well documented, the wealth gap is “indistinguishable from zero” due to unconstrained costs, regardless of race or ethnicity. Put differently, college grads will earn more but because of their student loans, they’ll have the same amount in their bank account as someone who didn’t go to college at all¹ . Barely one in ten (11%) business leaders believe that college graduates have the skills and competencies that their workplaces need² . Instead, employers report recent hires showing up without the requisite skills required to contribute as productive employees³.
Traditional universities spend more on non-instructional initiatives like research and athletics instead of developing knowledge and skills that prepare its students. Today, 1M students annually report that they didn’t enroll or they dropped out of college because of the cost⁴ . Americans carry $1.8T in student loan debt while universities have increased the cost of tuition by 30-40%⁵ since 2010. Economists report that over the next ten years, businesses will have increasingly more job openings for college graduates with no adequate supply⁶ . Additionally, as artificial intelligence threatens jobs across industries, humans will be pushed up or out – up to more intellectually intensive and integrative roles, or out of the workforce altogether. Our nation’s economy needs a sustainable, accessible, and effective approach to college if we’re to compete globally.
SOLUTION Polymath University will produce more-prepared graduates through a three-major curriculum, delivered year-round and remotely to same-city cohorts, who will serve apprenticeships en route to graduation in three years.
A polymath is someone who has built depth, breadth, and integration of knowledge. Specifically, polymaths can operate fluently and with expertise (depth) in three or more non-adjacent domains (breadth), and have built the critical skill of applying concepts and frameworks in one domain to complex problems in other domains (integration). Polymath University empowers leaders and problem solvers to thrive in a more complex and technologically-enabled world.
RANGE Polymath University’s approach to education, and its namesake, is built on ensuring that graduates are curious, creative, collaborative, and critically-minded. Polymaths have been proven to be more creative and more adept at solving complex problems, and more resilient against economic shocks⁷. Building a broad, generalist field of knowledge and expertise, as opposed to the hyper-specialization that traditional higher education encourages, makes graduates more valuable in the world and workplace. According to a 2012 study of serial innovators⁸, polymaths are described as having a high tolerance for ambiguity and as systems thinkers. Polymaths can connect disparate pieces of information in new ways, making them highly effective at innovative problem solving. And they are adept at repurposing what is already available and synthesizing information from many different sources.⁹ A Future of Jobs report highlighted the following skills being increasingly demanded by employers (all of which polymaths excel at): creative thinking; analytical thinking; technological literacy; curiosity and lifelong learning; resilience, flexibility, and agility; and systems thinking.¹⁰
REAL-WORLD APPRENTICESHIPS Polymath University will partner with employers to ensure that its degree programs serve the talent acquisition needs of regional business and organizations, and that those degrees include skill development that is often short-changed by traditional universities. In years two and three, students will serve as apprentices with those employer partners in high-demand, early career roles. Across the country, more employers are building apprenticeship programs as a key part of their talent acquisition strategy, with Department of Labor registered apprenticeships doubling since 2010 to 250,000. Many of these employers pay some or all of the tuition for their apprentices to concurrently earn a college degree.
REMOTE Educational outcomes lead all other priorities for Polymath University, and we must hold this as our north star. This means that the most important activity for faculty will be teaching or the associated development through coaching and mentoring their students. As Polymath University is led by the former CEO of the Pat Tillman Foundation, and counts ten Tillman Scholars on its Advisory Board, the Tillman Scholar community will seed Polymath University’s initial set of faculty, drawing on their service and academic experiences to support student learning. Courses will be delivered remotely, but to same-city cohorts that will facilitate week-long immersive and collaborative in-person experiences as well as informal study groups throughout the year, unlocking persistent relationships and networks within our community.
Learn more at PolymathU.org.
highereducation college education HigherEd StudentLoans Polymath Leadership apprenticeship Apprenticeships University talentdevelopment
¹ Emmons, William R.; Kent, Ana H.; and Ricketts, Lowell R. “Is College Still Worth It? The New Calculus of Falling Returns.” Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis, Working Paper, Jan. 7, 2019.
² Gallup-Lumina Foundation Poll on Higher Education; Higher Education’s Work Preparedness Paradox. 2013. Gallup; Lumina Foundation.
³ Hansen, Michael. “The U.S. Education System Isn’t Giving Students What Employers Need.” Harvard Business Review, May 18, 2021.
⁴ https://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=75
⁵ Kerr, Emma; Wood, Sarah. “A Look at 20 Years of Tuition Costs at National Universities.” U.S. News & World Report. Sep. 23, 2023
⁶ Tough, Paul. “Americans Are Losing Faith in the Value of College. Whose Fault Is That?” NYT, Sep. 5, 2023
⁷ Hanks, Andrew; Jiang, Shengjun; Qian, Xuechao; Wang, Bo; Weinberg, Bruce. (2024). Do Double Majors Face Less Risk? An Analysis of Human Capital Diversification. NBER.
⁸ Vojak, Bruce; Griffin, Abbie; Price, Raymond L. (2012). Serial Innovators: How Individuals Create and Deliver Breakthrough Innovations in Mature Firms. Stanford, Stanford University Press.
⁹ Epstein, D. J. (2019). Range: why generalists triumph in a specialized world. New York, Riverhead Books.
¹⁰ Future of Jobs Report; World Economic Forum. 2023.

Now Hiring: WordPress Developer
Join our team at a boutique management consulting firm dedicated to driving sustainable development in the Philippines and beyond. We specialize in clean energy and green finance solutions, and we're passionate about making a positive impact on the environment.
We are seeking a Part-Time WordPress Developer to support our digital presence and enhance our online platforms. This remote role offers flexibility and the opportunity to contribute to meaningful projects in the clean energy and green finance sectors.
Responsibilities:

• Develop and maintain WordPress websites for the company and its clients.
• Customize themes and plugins to meet specific project requirements.
• Ensure websites are optimized for performance, security, and SEO.
• Collaborate with internal teams to implement website updates and enhancements.
• Provide technical support and troubleshooting as needed.

Qualifications:

• Proficiency in WordPress development, including theme and plugin customization.
• Strong knowledge of HTML, CSS, JavaScript, and PHP.
• Experience with responsive design and cross-browser compatibility.
• Familiarity with SEO best practices and web analytics tools.
• Excellent communication and problem-solving skills.
• Previous experience in the clean energy or sustainability sector is a plus.

Perks & Benefits:

• Flexible part-time schedule
• Remote work arrangement
• Opportunity to contribute to meaningful projects in sustainability
• Professional development opportunities

How to Apply:

• Send CV or GDrive link via PM with code: ApplyForWordPressDeveloper
  
• Include certifications or evidence of expertise
  
• State salary expectations
  
• Shortlisted candidates will be asked to submit a brief self-taken video introducing themselves and answering a prompt to gauge communication skills.
  
• Also, you may send your resume along with a brief cover letter outlining your relevant experience and why you're the perfect fit for this role to [mjbgcopc@gmail.com](mailto:mjbgcopc@gmail.com).
  

Join us in driving positive change through innovative solutions in clean energy and green finance!
Apply now and be part of our mission-driven team!

Now Hiring: Part-time Remote Full-Stack Developer: Join our Sustainable Mission!
Attention Full-Stack Developers!
Are you passionate about using your coding skills to drive positive change? Our boutique management consulting firm, specializing in clean energy and green finance, is on the lookout for a talented Part-time Remote Full-Stack Developer to join our team. Work from anywhere while contributing to innovative solutions that promote sustainability and environmental stewardship.
Responsibilities:

• Web Development: Lead the development of web-based applications and platforms, from concept to deployment, using your full-stack expertise.
• Technical Solutions: Collaborate with our team to identify technical requirements and develop scalable solutions that meet the needs of our clients and projects.
• UI/UX Design: Ensure an intuitive and visually appealing user experience by integrating best practices in UI/UX design into your development work.
• Troubleshooting & Maintenance: Provide ongoing support, troubleshooting, and maintenance for existing web applications, ensuring optimal performance and reliability.

Requirements:

• Full-Stack Proficiency: Strong proficiency in both front-end and back-end development technologies, including but not limited to HTML, CSS, JavaScript, Node.js, and relational databases (e.g., MySQL, PostgreSQL).
• Problem-Solving Skills: Demonstrated ability to analyze complex problems and develop innovative technical solutions to address them.
• Collaborative Spirit: Excellent communication and teamwork skills, with the ability to collaborate effectively with cross-functional teams in a remote work environment.
• Passion for Sustainability: A genuine interest in sustainability and a desire to contribute to projects that promote environmental conservation and green finance.

Perks & Benefits:

• Remote Work: Enjoy the flexibility of remote work, with the freedom to work from anywhere that inspires you.
• Meaningful Projects: Be part of a team that's making a real difference in the world, developing solutions that contribute to a more sustainable future.
• Professional Growth: Access opportunities for ongoing learning and skill development, with the chance to expand your expertise in clean energy and green finance.
• Competitive Compensation: Receive competitive compensation for your valuable contributions to our team.

How to Apply:
Excited to be part of our sustainable mission?

• Send CV or GDrive link via PM with code: ApplyForFullStackDeveloper
  
• Include certifications or evidence of expertise
  
• State salary expectations
  
• Shortlisted candidates will be asked to submit a brief self-taken video introducing themselves and answering a prompt to gauge communication skills.
  
• Also, you may send your resume along with a brief cover letter outlining your relevant experience and why you're the perfect fit for this role to mjbgcopc@gmail.com.
  

Join us in leveraging technology to drive positive change and create a more sustainable world for future generations. Apply now and be a part of something meaningful!

Hi,
So I’ve not been attending the tutorials for one of my lectures because I’ve had some unforeseen circumstances come up- I’ve been living with an abusive housemate which has resulted in a decline in my mental health, more than I’ve allowed myself to realise (as well as logistical problems, like where to sleep/study). Tutorial attendance for this course is mandatory, as 10% of our grade is tutorial participation.
As I had not attended any, of course, I would not be awarded this 10%. I submitted an ECA application (failing to realise those only applied to assessment items 20% and over). I provided a letter from my GP attesting to my mental state. I was responded to being told of my 20% mistake, and that they couldn’t do anything.
So I emailed my course convenor explaining my situation, asking if there was any way I could make up for this 10% with an alternative assessment, or increase the weighting of my other assessment item/s. Losing this 10% won’t put me at risk of failing (as my marks for the other assessment items have been strong) but I explained that it was very important to me that my marks are a true reflection of my abilities, and that I would be upset to see them suffer due to circumstances out of my control. I offered to meet with him in person. I was very polite.
He (IMO) unsympathetically responded with a very short and blunt message saying there was nothing he could do. (Untrue).
What do I do? ANU is meant to support people with conditions/circumstances impacting their ability to perform, especially when such circumstances were unforeseen.
These last few months have been fucking hell for me, and I’ve worked really hard to keep up the best I can, in light of all the bullshit I’ve had to deal with. I’ll be unbelievably upset if my marks decline because of my cunt of a housemate. Please tell me who I can reach out to at ANU to rectify this.
TLDR: Course convenor refusing to make adjustments for genuinely unforeseen extenuating circumstances for tutorial participation assessment worth 10%.

Now Hiring: WordPress Developer
Join our team at a boutique management consulting firm dedicated to driving sustainable development in the Philippines and beyond. We specialize in clean energy and green finance solutions, and we're passionate about making a positive impact on the environment.
We are seeking a Part-Time WordPress Developer to support our digital presence and enhance our online platforms. This remote role offers flexibility and the opportunity to contribute to meaningful projects in the clean energy and green finance sectors.
Responsibilities:

• Develop and maintain WordPress websites for the company and its clients.
• Customize themes and plugins to meet specific project requirements.
• Ensure websites are optimized for performance, security, and SEO.
• Collaborate with internal teams to implement website updates and enhancements.
• Provide technical support and troubleshooting as needed.

Qualifications:

• Proficiency in WordPress development, including theme and plugin customization.
• Strong knowledge of HTML, CSS, JavaScript, and PHP.
• Experience with responsive design and cross-browser compatibility.
• Familiarity with SEO best practices and web analytics tools.
• Excellent communication and problem-solving skills.
• Previous experience in the clean energy or sustainability sector is a plus.

Perks & Benefits:

• Flexible part-time schedule
• Remote work arrangement
• Opportunity to contribute to meaningful projects in sustainability
• Professional development opportunities

How to Apply:

• Send CV or GDrive link via PM with code: ApplyForWordPressDeveloper
  
• Include certifications or evidence of expertise
  
• State salary expectations
  
• Shortlisted candidates will be asked to submit a brief self-taken video introducing themselves and answering a prompt to gauge communication skills.
  
• Also, you may send your resume along with a brief cover letter outlining your relevant experience and why you're the perfect fit for this role to [mjbgcopc@gmail.com](mailto:mjbgcopc@gmail.com).
  

Join us in driving positive change through innovative solutions in clean energy and green finance!
Apply now and be part of our mission-driven team!

I was given an official write-up 6 months ago. The problem with the write-up is that the actions I was written up for occurred before I was in my current job. The actions were specifically related to my current job. I provided evidence (including the documents signed by others) and "inconvenient" facts like the dates of the agreements and the date of my transfer. Asshole Leadership didn't care. They needed a scapegoat. I was convenient. They slapped me on the wrist. Honestly, questioning my actions was more painful.
I am now being asked by leadership to help "fix" the problem. Basically, it would take me less than two days to complete the task whereas it would take leadership more than two weeks. The person fixing the problem is different from the assholes who gave me the write-up. My sources tell me that this person thought writing me up was absurd and incorrect.
One part of me wants to say screw you. Another, more logical part of me thinks I should just do it because it would reflect positively on me and if the Leadership asshole group ever tried to bring the issue up again, I am insulated because I was asked to help solve the problem. To be clear, I am just to provide the documentation to be reviewed and signed by others. But, I also was screwed before.
Leaving is not a near term option. There is a big bonus to stay for 18 months. They know I have a retaliation case if they try to get rid of me. My last performance review was not completed, so HR would have a fit for not following process. The one before that was excellent. The one before that is again missing. All others are excellent. They can't show a performance pattern (a big issue to our HR folks -- a few years ago another employee, who rightfully should have been fired, won a lawsuit against the company because of poor documentation of poor performance), So, getting rid of me would be difficult as long as I am not stupid.
So, should I help?